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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

Note

Bella and Beauford (your version of Beau) are twins, similar features (brown eyes), similar chip on their shoulder, similar flowery language, and Ed can't read either of their minds and both smell like grade A beefcakes. Both move to Forks. What kind of mess do you think will go down? 030 Does Eddie boi get the harem he's never wanted? How much can we destroy the B&B team self esteem? Find out on today's episode of the What if Muffin chronicles~! - Sw

Beauford is a reoccurring guest star on this blog.

Think Bella directly plastered onto a boy: absurdly pretty, still clumsy, still terribly introverted and awful socially, and smells like heroin to one Edward Cullen.

With that, onto your question

The Rules

To set some ground rules that are set in the post, I'm presuming both, somehow, are Edward's singer. Now, given that it's Bella and Beauford (fraternal twins), I'd say this is highly unlikely. Singers are rare, and Charlie and Renee don't notably smell like high quality heroin to Edward. More likely, Bella would be the singer, and Beauford would just smell generally nice (but not murder all of Biology nice).

It's also unlikely they'd have the same exact gift, or a gift that expresses itself in the same manner, blocking Edward out of their minds.

But the rules are set, both are Edward's singer, and both have Bella's absurdly powerful gift.

They're for all intents and purposes the same fucking person that somehow got stuffed in two different gendered bodies. The real genesis of this AU: Renee was abducted by aliens while pregnant and her unborn child experimented on. Beauford is, in fact, Bella's identical twin. Beauford is actually Bella's male clone grown in the womb.

After Bella and Beauford reach sexual maturity they'll be beamed back up into space and put into a zoo on Traflamador. (Except not because that would derail this post... The test pilot on Traflamador blew up their planet before Bella and Beauford could phone home. It's not important.)

Bella, Beauford, and the Time Before Forks

Bella and Beauford are probably frightfully codependent for a few reasons that go by the name of Renee. Renee's still out to lunch parenting, and it falls to Bella and Beauford to take care of adult responsibilities from a very young age.

Bella and Beauford come home from school to an empty house, are the ones to go grocery shopping, pay the bills, pay the taxes, do the laundry, pretty much anything that has "adult responsibility" stamped on it.

As a result, they don't really have time to make friends with kids out of school, and they quickly realize that they're the only ones they can depend on in their lives. More, they're the only ones who get each other on any level.

They're both social outcasts, both not what their mother wanted, both have to deal with their mother, and if they ever get in trouble then it's their sibling that they're going to call. Because no one else will ever be there.

I imagine both Bella and Beauford cling to each other tightly with both hands.

Which, of course, makes things weird.

There's getting along with your twin sibling then there's... only getting along with your twin sibling.

Bella and Beauford have lunch together, by themselves, every day in Phoenix. They partner together on everything and are very displeased if they're forced into a group project with anyone else. They participate in all the same activities and if one isn't allowed to do it then the other quits (yes, Beauford tried to get into ballet class, when Renee put her foot down Bella quit right then and there). They wear each other's clothes, if they can't, then those clothes never get worn (Bella never wears the few dresses in her closet). They actually remember their made up secret twin language and lapse into it accidentally from time to time. They're anxious when they're not in the same classes and meet up after every single class to walk down the hallways together. Rather than have any friends, most of their free time is spent at home reading the same books in the same room. They don't even talk about how amazing Heathcliff is, because they know the other knows.

I imagine they channel such the twins from The Shining. Absurdly good looking, beautiful, kids but good god what is wrong with them?

The Decision to Move

When Phil enters the picture seriously, he's not just a new boyfriend, Bella and Beauford sit down to discuss their options. Neither is quite sure how they feel about Phil.

He's awfully young, but he seems to be good for Renee, and is actually capable of paying his taxes (unlike Renee). He can probably be depended upon not to run off and to make sure Renee is taken care of.

However what about Bella and Beau?

With Bella and Beau going to school, they can't travel across the country every few weeks following Phil. Now, in theory, Renee could abandon them to follow Phil. This wouldn't make much of a difference in their daily lives (might, in fact, make things easier in a way as then Beau/Bella can just handle all the cooking rather than Renee even attempting to). However, Renee would never want to admit she's been leaving her kids to their own devices for years, and would feel horribly guilty to leave them behind.

As it is, they've already told Renee she can go on and travel with Phil and she refused, stating she had to be there for her kids.

There's also that Phil keeps trying to bond with Beau especially. As if he thinks it will be easier to bond with the teenage stepson vs. the stepdaughter. That hasn't been going well, Beau would like to avoid that if at all possible.

On the other hand... Forks, wet, cold, and being the children of the police chief's runaway bride.

Ultimately, the pair come to the same decision Bella came to in canon. They want their mother to be happy, feel desperately like third wheels, and if making Renee happy necessitates going to Forks then to Forks they shall go.

At least they'll have each other, and in the end, that's all that really matters.

Arriving in Forks

Bella and Beau arrive in Forks and receive the same reception they would otherwise. But more so. Holy god, the high school population says, it's the Cullens 2.0.

Eerily pale, beautiful, siblings, who are both sensitive intellectuals (and are also weirdly incestuous acting). All the guys want to date Bella and all the girls want to date Beau (some vice versa but they're not admitting that in a public high school in 2005).

The guys (Mike, Tylor, Eric, etc.) aren't all that thrilled by Beau's presence, he's major competition and day one is attracting all the attention. However, they see him as a way to get an in with Bella, he can set them up on a date and put in a good word. If they become his best friend, they have an excuse to go to his house, where Bella will be.

The girls (even Lauren who was initially very pissed off about Bella's sudden popularity) are much the same. Bella's overrated, but good god, that beautiful brother of hers. If they become Bella's best friend, they can have sleep overs, and might be able to see Beau without a shirt on. No matter Bella's stuffy personality, that hot brother is worth it.

Lunch that first day, as a result, is even more awful than it was in canon. Bella and Beauford, while generally oblivious about themselves, are very observant when it becomes to the behavior of others regarding their sibling.

They have an emergency meeting in the truck after school and come to the same conclusion: Bella/Beau, this entire school of hicks wants in your pants. Dump them all.

Both Bella and Beauford end the day supremely annoyed but reconfirm their commitment to this Forks plan. Beau predicts than in six months they'll be losers again and they'll go back to having lunch by themselves.

But what about the Cullens?

Edward, The Cullens, and Biology

As in canon, both Beauford and Bella notice the entrance of the alien procession into the cafeteria and ask "what the fuck?"

Nobody's thrilled about answering, because no one wants to lose Bella/Beauford to the Cullens of all people (the girls sigh with relief as, at least for them, all the lady Cullens seem to be dating one of the other guys. Beau is safe. The possibility of Edward/Beau is one they dare not contemplate in those five seconds.)

Still, Jessica reluctantly gives the run down. These are the Cullens, they moved in two years ago, are absurdly wealthy, beautiful, and supposedly not actually related. They're all dating each other. No, seriously, they are. Except the hot ginger, Edward, but don't bother because he's an ass.

Both Bella and Beauford think Jessica doth protest too much about Edward and internally give the Cullens the same bisexual Bella ranking: Rosalie, Edward (after a bit of thought), and then the rest of them.

Edward, for his own part, notes that he can't seem to hear either's thoughts. Weird. He concludes that the pair are highly overrated and he can't believe the school's so agog over the pair of them. Stupid teenagers.

Then Biology happens.

The pair open the door and good god, Edward Cullen is a demon. Luckily for them, they have each other. There may be an open seat next to Edward Cullen but Bella and Beauford go "NOPE". You see, teacher, we always sit together. No, really, we ALWAYS sit together.

The teacher is weirded out but it's so weird he actually has nothing to say to that. There's only one immediately open seat anyway, and two new students, so they're clearly in trouble with seating arrangements anyway. So he says, "Um, sure, go sit with Angela I guess." Angela is now in an overcrowded table with both Bella and Beauford, her original partner gleefully goes to sit with hottie Edward (then is in dismay sitting with Edward because this guy looks terrifying today). The twins, throughout Biology, are staring down Edward Cullen.

Edward, of course, has smelled the scent of the gods and is going through his personal hell on earth. He devises his many schemes of how he's going to murder Biology before he can get to the pair of them (Angela, for the record, gets smashed into a wall for the honor of being in Edward's way). Then, he doesn't know which he'd start on, he can't tell which scent comes from which. He tells himself he'll toss a coin, heads the boy goes first, then tails the girl.

Still, thinking of Carlisle's sad, disapproving, face as Edward massacres a room filled with children allows Edward to hold on through Biology. He'll murder them after school. Then of course he's able to clear his head and flees to Alaska.

In the meantime, thanks to being hyperaware of their sibling, and now having someone to talk to and confirm their suspicions with: Edward Cullen is Ted Bundy. This guy is creepy, dangerous, and in that moment it looked as if he was going to kill one or both of them. Bella/Beauford would be alright, though disappointed, if they were murdered then left in a dumpster. But their sibling die and meet that same awful fate? Not ever allowed to happen.

Bella and Beau have the world's most tense drive home and tense night taking turns taking guard and sleeping in the same room. Every time one questions if they're, maybe, just maybe, a little paranoid about this, the other confirms that "NOPE, THAT DUDE WAS SCARY".

They can't tell Charlie, he wouldn't believe them and they have no evidence, but when Edward tries to climb through their window maybe one of them will get in a good hit with the baseball bat (they won't, they're both debilitatingly clumsy).

The next day, to their confusion and relief, Edward Cullen isn't at school. He's not there the day after that either, or the day after that...

Beau and Bella start to relax, if only a little bit.

Edward, Alaska, and the Prodigal Son Returns

Edward in Alaska calms down and goes through the same thought process he did in canon. He keeps picturing the twins' faces, his obsession beginning to blossom, and convinces himself that he can't let these unremarkable humans get in the way of his life and his family.

After a week of brooding, much to Carlisle's horror, Edward returns to Forks and goes straight back to school. Specifically, he wants to do damage control with the twins and see just how much they actually noticed.

This goes worse than in canon.

First, Edward has to approach their shared table with Angela like a loser. There, Bella and Beau clearly don't want to talk at him, at all, and both clearly vividly remember exactly what happened last Biology class.

Edward barely gets a word in before he has to go to his seat. When he notices Bella, Beau, and Angela get their lab done as quickly as him (thanks to Bella and Beau), he tries again.

Bella and Beau both ask to go to the bathroom. (Yes, teacher, at the same time. Don't question this.) They don't come back. Edward, after ten minutes, also goes to the bathroom. He finds the pair in their giant, red, truck in the parking lot, deep in conversation (trying to figure out what the fuck is up with Edward Cullen).

He approaches them again, being as charming as possible. This has the opposite effect. Directed towards only them, Beau/Bella would probably let this slide. Directed towards Beloved Sibling, their "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON" sirens are blaring in their head. Beau floors it, and the pair tear out of the parking lot as fast as the truck will take them, they're telling Charlie they're taking a sick day. What will they do next Biology class? FUCK IF THEY KNOW.

Edward, standing in the parking lot with his mouth open, feels very very embarrassed and ashamed. He is a man eating demon and these two are perfectly aware of it. The rest of the Cullens find him there not long after, they find this both sad and hilarious.

Bella and Beau Get Hit by a Van

Well, this would all be well and good. Edward tells himself that if the pair are so determined to avoid him then he'll just avoid them. Problem solved. More, the pair don't seem to be chatterboxes, there's no weird rumors spreading about Edward Cullen or his siblings. At least, no more than usual.

Instead, it seems that everyone's trying to ask the twins to the dance, and are very confused when the twins say that they're going with each other. Sibling policy. You see. (They don't see, nobody sees, this is weird.)

Then it happens. Bella nearly gets hit by a van, Edward saves her, with Beau as a full not-concussed witness. FUCK. Bella and Beau travel to the hospital, Edward driving along behind them, and then after Carlisle checks Bella out they have their awkward talk.

Bella wants to insist that Edward was clearly the one who saved her, with his strange superhuman strength, but thanks to twin telepathy (which either is actual telepathy or is just reading twin body language, who even knows) knows that Beau wants her to shut up. They say nothing, the truth isn't important.

Instead, Beau states that he was the one who pulled Bella out of the way, Bella's just confused. Edward stares at Beau like he's an alien. Beau just smiles, thanks Edward for his concern, then throws Edward out of the room.

Bella and Beau madly discuss that Edward's clearly not human. More, while he saved her life today and that was very noble of him, neither has truly forgotten how he was in that first day of Biology. More, did you see him now? He clearly wanted, desperately for Bella to not remember what happened. He crushed that van like a pretzel, what if they told him that they saw him? What would happen to them? Beau doesn't want to take chances, not even for the truth, and in retrospect Bella doesn't either. Now is not the time to look gifted horses in the mouth.

Given Bella's injured, Beau's on full guard duty that night.

Meanwhile, the Cullens have their vote. It's even more dramatic, because instead of just one innocent, injured, witness, there's two witnesses and one was completely uninjured. Carlisle is utterly appalled that Rosalie genuinely suggests murdering them both so she doesn't have to move. He's more appalled when Edward reveals that he believes the twins may believe that Edward... wishes them harm for having witnessed his heroics.

Because the irony being that the twins are right, the family is voting on this very issue right now. And what does that say about all of them?

Thankfully for Beau and Bella, the vote goes very similarly to canon. Jasper's not convinced until Alice has her vision.

And she drops the bomb. Edward's in love with Bella, Beau will be Edward's best friend and Bella Alice's, and both Bella and her brother will be turned and join the coven.

(Now, what Alice doesn't tell Edward is that, actually, Edward's in love with them both. It's safer to say that Edward's in love with the woman, as that's what Edward will far more readily accept. Throwing Beau into that mix would just make things very messy, if Alice wants her best friend and Edward's happy ending then she has to be smart about this.)

The family has a similar reaction. Carlisle gives his, "Well, alright then" and the family doesn't move. Edward, in despair and self-hatred, heads to the Swan house to see sleeping Bella for himself.

And lo and behold, Beau has been waiting for him. Beau tries to smash Edward's face in with a bat. Unfortunately, a) Edward's a vampire, b) Beau misses.

Beau and Edward end up talking, man to man, while Bella is sleeping. Edward decides that, yes, oh woe, he is in love with Beauford's sister and confesses as much (while also confessing that he might, you know, actually be dangerous). Beau suggests that Edward stay far away from his sister.

No, there's nothing Beau can do to stop Edward. Yes, he is just a pathetic human even more pathetic than most, but he promises that he will make Edward and his family's life hell on Earth if Edward ever thinks of assaulting his sister.

Edward protests he would never, Beau points out that Edward just climbed through his injured sister's window in the dead of night. Edward... tries and fails to explain away that one.

He actually does succeed in that he explains that Bella was in danger from... his siblings. Edward had come to protect Bella, to make sure none came to harm her. It's not necessarily his siblings' fault, it's complicated but... Well, Edward was trying to be somewhat noble.

Then something strange happens. Edward finds himself fascinated by this Beauford Swan. Such courage in the world's weakest, no most delicate, body. Look at those eyelashes, his big dark eyes, his perfectly shaped features. This boy is beautiful, as beautiful as his sister, and just as courageous as she is. And look at him now, nobly facing down a demon he knows he cannot win against for the sake of his sister.

How virtuous.

Edward tells himself that what he's feeling is kinship and admiration for Beauford Swan. Bella could not have a worthier brother. Edward leaves with the promise that he'll respect Beau's wishes (Beau doesn't believe that for a second).

The next morning, Beau tells Bella that Edward's the world's biggest creep and that the Twin Watch is not stopping anytime soon. They're going to need to make a big purchase of coffee.

Edward and His Torment

As in canon, Edward decides he should nobly stay out of Bella's life. He'll see if either twin really does talk (they don't) and then he'll ignore them until they disappear. They will forget him.

They don't, but they do discuss him. See, after much pondering, the twins realize that Edward truly is a Grade A hottie. More, he's so mysterious and inhuman. In retrospect, his saving Bella's life goes a long way, and for all that he's been... menacing, he's never truly threatened them and does seem intent on protecting Bella. More, he seems to be keeping his promise: he's staying out of Bella's life and he hasn't been back to the house since (he has, but they haven't caught him, Edward waits until they both crash until he can sneak in and stare at them both).

And he's never lied about being dangerous. Their glares soften into pondering glances, wondering just what the truth of this Edward Cullen and his family really is, and wonder what it'd be like to let him into their small, insular, world that no one before has ever managed to breach in the way he has.

Bella doesn't believe he's truly interested in her, despite Beau's insistence, and wonders if he's interested in Beau. Beau, for his own part, doesn't believe Edward's interested in him and insists that he's clearly very interested in Bella.

Reluctantly, the pair conclude that Edward is something likely very dangerous, against Edward's will, but benign. Whatever it was they sensed from Edward that first day, it was not something in his control.

Helping this is Edward enabling the mysterious mystery by breaking. He can't stay away from the twins. He tells them that he's tired of staying away from them, that they shouldn't be friends, that he doesn't want to be friends (but wants to be something hint, hint, wink, wink). Except he's convinced he and Beauford are friends, dual protectors of the angel Bella Swan. If he stares a little too much at Beau's perfect figure then that's because he's the perfect, male, version of his perfect sister.

Anyway, the twins go to Long Beach with the others and the twins are now just too curious. Edward's giving them nothing and they must know. Bella flirts with Jake for information, Beau is appalled that this works, and they hear the cold ones story. That night, they both have the prophetic Slayer dream: Edward is a vampire.

Bella tells Beauford that she knows three things. One is that she's in love with Edward. Beau's not sure how to take that for a second but, being Bella's twin and on the same weird wavelength, he gets it. He's in love with Edward too.

Neither finds it strange that they both confess to being in love with the same demon and that they see no conflict of interest in this.

The pair go to Port Angeles to help Jessica and Angela pick up dresses. (Angela and Jessica aren't sure why a man is coming, but they've learned not to question this twin thing). Bella and Beau ultimately decided not to go to the dance, too risky giving the deluge of invitations they received, and instead they'll be headed to Seattle that weekend. They claim this is not a date, Angela and Jessica just stare.

Due to Beau being with Bella, though the pair get hopelessly lost looking for the book store, Bella doesn't get followed by rapists. Edward shows up anyway, as Alice saw the possibility, and takes the pair of them to romantic Italian dinner. It's weird.

He then drives them home and Bella blurts it out. Edward's a vampire, she and Beau know. Edward has his miniature meltdown and realizes that these pair of siblings forgive him this. Beau, beautiful man that he is, is giving Edward his beloved sister and Bella is giving not only herself but her wonderful brother's hand in friendship.

Edward invites them both, that's right, them both, to the meadow. Neither thinks this is strange. And when they get there. Boom, it's over, any chance to question this is gone. Both Bella and Beau are seduced by Edward's sparkling chest and his quotes about lions.

He rests his head on Bella's chest but puts his right hand on Beau's. They sit like that. For hours.

The Cullens (Again)

Well, this went from weird to fucking weirder. It was weird enough when Edward became obsessed with this rando teenage girl. Now, it turns out that Edward's a horn dog panting after bisexual twins, clearly intending to romance them both at the same time.

Carlisle dearly tries to have an intervention. He sends Esme to do it, as in canon, this doesn't work (Esme is perfectly fine with Edward's twincest fetish and thinks it's wonderful).

Alice tells a dubious Jasper that Edward and Beau are just friends. Jasper doesn't believe her, but he's not sure what to even say.

Emmett is desperately holding in Edward sandwich jokes. Desperately.

When Beau and Bella are invited to the house (together of course), the entire family has no idea what to say to them. At all. They don't know how to process this. Rosalie is actually there this time, because somebody needs to warn these two about what Edward really wants, but then they're too weird.

It's all just too weird.

And... the rest of canon happens.

The baseball game occurs, James dies, Victoria's not sure which Swan she should target and so she targets them both anyway. They're in the same damn place so it makes 0 difference.

Bella and Beau joint hallucinate Hallucination Edward, somehow, and get even weirdly more codependent in their zombie fugue state. This tanks their popularity as now there's no denying the incest. Bella and Beau don't care.

Bella and Beau reach out to get Jake to build them the motorcycles. Jake doesn't necessarily want Beau around, the dude's weird and getting in the way of Bella time, but alright. Bella and Jake's friendship doesn't take off because Bella's codependent on Beau.

They do learn about the wolves though thanks to Jake's crush on Bella. Jake never realizes that he's coming in third place not only to Edward Cullen but to Beauford Swan. He thinks he has a chance. That poor boy.

Bella and Beau jump off the cliff together, convinced they weren't committing suicide.

Alice returns, gets Bella and Beau to go to Volterra, because Edward has to see that they're both alive. There's a joyful reunion, Aro is really weirded out by this whole damn thing and has a five second pause after touching Marcus' hand. "Well." he says afterwards, "You and your brother are close. I see."

They get to go home, Aro insists they turn. Eclipse happens. Edward proposes marriage to Bella. Neither Beau nor Bella are thrilled (mostly about the marriage and also about the question of how the twin enters this equation) but ultimately Bella accepts. Bella and Edward marry publicly.

Beau is invited for the honeymoon. Edward, Bella, nor Beau question this. Everyone else does. A lot. On Isle Esme, the three confirm their commitment to each other: they have a secret marriage. Edward and Beau are both convinced they're not in a relationship. Bella and Beau are convinced they're not incestuous.

Sex is had by... someone. Unclear who.

Bella gets pregnant, this seems to confirm Edward must be the father but... Bella and Beau are both very strange, almost alien, and very gifted. There is some red in their hair. Questions the Cullens dare not speak aloud are thought, Edward doesn't seem to notice.

TL;DR Basically, the books still happen but Edward is cuckolded and enables twincest.

...

I did not see this one coming guys. I swear. I did not.

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lovee-infected · 3 years

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When will it come out where Epel cut off MC I am still waiting until this day (I'm waiting) I'm not rushing you at all but I hope you are doing well 😢 (im sad)

“Apple of my eye”

(A/N): Sorry that it took so long! Hope you enjoy this anyway dears! ~ ♡

Ever since Epel decided to cut ties with you after learning the truth of you being a girl, his life has been nothing but an absolute nightmare. He's got his days filled with fear and his nights filled with regret, wishing there to be a way for both of you to forget. Forget all the times you made him laugh, and all the times he made you cry. He wanted there to be a way for the of you to move on with your lives as if you'd never hurt one another like now. But as it is for now, he is just one step far from being trapped inside this hell forever alone, because you're finally about to leave the twisted wonderland, forever.

Living in Night Raven college has brought you nothing but pain since the day Epel, your trusted best friend and the guy you once loved rejected you after learning the fact that you are a girl. Each and every second spent around all your friends and people you used to admire felt like a torture. How long? For how long are you going to wait until them too throw you away like Epel did? For how much longer can you pretend to be fine until everyone left around you turn their backs on you as well? Days? Weeks? Months? Or have they already given up on you?

You can't take it, it just hurts so much. Even when there's a friend around, it feels like you're ready to break down in tears and run away again and again; just like it happened with Epel. Why does it hurt you so much though? You were supposed to be strong. You were all on your own when you first came into twisted wonderland, you thought you'd be able to handle it again on your own from now on. But uh, how wrong you were. To think that you'd be as strong as you used to now that your dearest one has left you behind...

No wonder why you immediately agreed to Headmaster Crowley's offer when he argued that he might've found a way to send you back home by passing through the black mirror under 2 conclusions : 1) You'll never be able to make a return to twisted wonderland and 2)You won't remember anyone, or anything from this world. As if it has never existed.

At this point, forgetting Epel and everything about him forever seemed to be the only way of letting go of the pain... Now that you can't have him, best would be to never remember how much you once loved.

"(y/n)... is leaving?" Epel murmurs. Rook shakes his head as a yes, all he could do was to at least let Epel know after how things had gone between you and him lately.

Perhaps Rook was the only one who exactly knows happened that morning, the day Epel tainted each and every memory you once had beside him which you used to recall as your sweetest days of life.

Even as Rook was just sneak peaking behind the wall and all he could do was to listen to Epel shouting and you trying to calm him a bit, he's pretty certain that he heard the sound of your heart breaking the moment Epel mercilessly told you that he's cutting ties with you.

Young Epel really did have a hidden dark side all this time, didn't he...?

Lucky of him that Rook was the only one who saw that. Rook may not be that respective toward people's privacy, but he does know how to keep a friend's secret. As for now, he had to agree that your case was concerning. Not just for you but for Epel himself as well. It's pretty rare of him to feel so but he you can tell that he does care.

"In a few days or so, just enough of time for her to patch stuff up and, well, say goodbye to her friends,"

Friends, huh? To think that not so long ago Epel deserved to be reminded as your friend... How fast did it all change,right? Time is an absolutely terrifying thing, he thinks.

A moment of silence passes until Rook speaks up: "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

'Say good bye',...This sentence keeps on being repeated inside Epel's head. Why would you even want to hear these words coming from him while Epel himself was the only reason that you have to leave? He hurt you and there was no way to undo what he did to you, even if he could one day be able to face that you, his best friend and at some point, the only friend ever since he stepped into night raven college are a girl, it was impossible to look into your eyes again like he hadn't done all the terrible works he did.

That is a fact, he can't fix a broken heart, neither his or yours. Yes, he was mad at you and is still mad. He felt so used to see that you of all people couldn't even trust him with such a simple thing like your gender. The fearful thought of you getting that close to him because he was nothing but a naïve boy who couldn't tell the difference between male and female. If so, were all the times you told Epel that you cared for him a lie? Did you just want to play him around because he was a lonely boy who didn't have any other friends to talk to? Did you too find him stupid...? Why (y/n)? Why..??

Epel bites his lower lip trying his best not to cry in front of Rook. He already cries enough every night in bed and doesn't need another audience watching him suffer.

"Epel?" Rook calls, making Epel realize that he hasn't yet answered his question.

No, he isn't going to walk up to you just to say goodbye. But if he refuses to do so, wouldn't it make that heartless "I'd rather cut ties with you" his very last sentence to you...?

Epel rolls over and his bed again again, another sleepless night. Though something made this night worse than the previous ones, tommorow would be the day that you'll quit his world forever, and he didn't even come to say his last goodbye...

When was the last time he Epel got a proper night sleep anyway? He can't remember. He's sure been a while that he wanted to take a second in peace, either through sleeping or through reality. When he was awake, he wanted to shut his eyes on life. When he tried to sleep, it either ended with him squirming in his surprisingly 'uncomfortable' bed all the time or waking up wet in sweat from another nightmare.

The only time he actually got to sleep for a minute at least was during classes. 'Hopelessly romantic boy', his classmates teasingly called him. Telling how those who're slowly falling in love would lose the track of their lives and become a total mess like Epel was. Epel never said a word in opposition as he didn't want to end up telling them the story of him recklessly breaking your heart after all you'd done for him, yet it was already obvious that he didn't like this term being used for him at all.

Hopelessly romantic boy...huh?

His insomnia issues were no joke, he couldn't concentrate during classes at all. His vision was all blurry and his eyes felt heavily sleepy. Teachers kept on talking and talking while Epel just stared at the mess of words forming enormous sentences in the books until his eyes went shut. There were a few times that even teachers ended up having to shake him after the class to wake him up before sending him to the headmaster's office right away.

"Young Felmier, are you okay? You've been looking very, uh,you know, different lately"

Is he okay? He's been asking himself the same question for a while.

"Yes, Headmaster"

'I, am not okay.'

He hasn't been okay for a long while, at least he's well aware of it. But there's no point in letting anyone else know, right? Perhaps the only one who might've understood how horrible he is feeling right now... was you. Epel drowns in thoughts and memories are brought back to him:

It's been months since then, but it feels like it was just a minute ago, that he had his head on your shoulder as his warm tears soaked your clothes and his warm breath brushed against your neck. It was probably one of his worse days ever. He ran off having tears in his eyes in front of enormous people, yet not a single soul cared to come after him but you. He was a total mess when you found him under the apple tree, his face was flushed and his diamond blue eyes were filled with pain and tears. You didn't even know him much but seeing him like that, in pain and tears, Epel was no more than a stranger but for some reason...it still hurt. You couldn't take it. Accepting hugs from strangers isn't really his thing, but to be comforted right as you need nothing more than an embrace to cry on, it felt...nice.

You've been always beside him from then on, he couldn't really tell why. He was neither too strong nor too smart, he wasn't any famous or rich either. He was nothing but a random country boy who got noticed by you, the mysterious student who got widely popular throughout the school because of their bravery and strength to fight against several overblots without having any magic after a rather short time.

He often felt proud of how lucky he was to have you. It wasn't just because of how famous and adored you later became, he could tell that there was something special about you from the very beginning. You probably didn't notice but when he first met you at the enterence ceremony, he didn't realize that he'd been keeping his eyes on you all the time. He didn't know why, what could the reason be? Curiosity? A childish interest? Or... something else than these?

From the day after, he couldn't take his eyes off you. It was strange, he doesn't usually get to see someone this much around, but you...you were always there. Right in front of him.

He couldn't help but to watch silently until you walked up to him and started to chat, he can't ever forget how silly his first conversation with you went. He was stressed out whether you'd realized the way he was staring at you all this time, could be that you were offended? He was honestly expecting this to be another trouble coming his way but to his surprise, it wasn't.

Though it took a rather long time for him to finally gain full trust on you, after a while spending time with you wasn't simply something he enjoyed doing. It became a part of his daily routine. No matter what, he wanted to see you, no, he needed to see you. Make sure that you're right, that everything between you is still the same, that he'd have you by his side for another the day he won't be left all alone if anything goes wrong.

You were his reason to keep his self-esteem built-up no matter how rough life could be, you were the only one who could give him a safe shoulder to cry on and and an embrace to close his eyes through and the thought of still having you was what gave him the purpose to keep on smiling through another rough day.

Epel nails the white bedsheets as he digs his wet face harder into the pillow, trying not to scream at the pain. What has he done? Why? Why??

How could he do this to you, the person he adored and cared for the most? Yes, you lied, but so did he. He never wanted to cut ties with you. He was furious and insecure, afraid that you might've never considered him any more than an emotional fool. It scared him, he didn't want to be the idiot you'd one say leave behind without caring to let him know that you never needed him back.

He couldn't let go of you as you'd became a part of Epel himself after all this time you've been together.

He was scared of what bigger things you might've hidden from him, including your true feelings for him. What if deep inside, all you saw through him was a helpless toy to use?

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts,...they were driving him insane.

It hurt way too much to the point of thinking that he hated you. He never did, how could he? Even if he ever ends up hating everything and everyone including himself like he does now, there's no way that he'd you. You were his everything, his happiness, his hope, his wish, his angel.

'Hopelessly romantic boy'... What if his classmates were right about him though?

Oh lord, what is wrong with him? He can no longer deny the fact that he did fall in love with you while he thought it was nothing more than a simple friendship.

Only if he'd realized this sooner, only if he could've said that he loves you instead of asking you to get out of his life, only if he could've had a second chance to hug you one more time and tell you how he truly feels...

And now, it's too late to regret what he's done. You probably hate him now, and he knows that he deserves to be hated. He was the reason of your teary eyes and sleepless nights. And he and only him, was the reason of you wanting to leave all your of your friends and your memories with them behind by making a return to your own world.

As it's clear than he doesn't deserve you and your love, he decides to let his heart burn inside the flames Epel started on his own.

Let him suffer in the name of you, his one and only love, for eternity.

It's past noon yet Epel doesn't want to get out of bed. He doesn't want to look at the clock, though he's pretty sure that you've already left his world.

He wonders...where are you right now? Back to your own world? Next to the friends and family whom you love? You sure don't remember him anymore but...are you happy? Will you now live as the happy (y/n) he'll always love without him there to hurt you again?

"Sorry (y/n), sorry..." He whispers underneath his breath. Hot tears stream down Epel's face, and he squeezes his eyelids shut in the hope his tears would stop. He sat on his bed unmoving, with his choppy breathing and watery eyes remaining for quite a while. He was so lost through his pain and sorrow that didn't hear the knock on his door at first.

"Who there?-" Epel murmurs through his tear. It's probably Rook, wanting to see why he didn't make it to school today. His door continues to be knocked on, yet Epel doesn't care to answer thr sound. Doesn't matter who the hell is at the door, he doesn't want to talk right now.

He hides his face under the blanket, can't he just cry in peace? He hears the sound of his door sliding open, but doesn't bother getting the blanket off his head. He annoyedly wraps himself tighter in bed. 'Whoever you are, just leave me alone. Please, I don't want to-'

Takes a few seconds until he feels the blanket being pulled off him, he vaguely turns his head, ready to shout: "GET LOST" at whoever his interrupter is. He opens his mouth to yell but the sight of the person standing in front of him leaves him speechless.

Your bodies remain still as your eyes are locked, neither of you move a finger until you break the silence:

"Epel..." you whisper. He looks pretty different from the last time you saw him. His face looks much paler and thinner now, and from the swelling bags under his eyes you could tell that he hasn't really been sleeping well lately. The the rage and hatred you saw last time in his eyes is now replaced with emptiness and sorrow, a severe pain that makes your heart ache for him one more time. He looks so, so broken. So lost, so sad. It hurts a lot seeing him like this, though you'd sworn never to think of him the way you used to again.

"I, I came to say goodbye-" you say nervously. What is Epel having in mind now? How is he going to respond? From the way your last conversation went you could certainly tell that he held nothing else than for you now, but you, could you be the same?

Epel didn't show up to say goodbye which was another evidence of him not wanting to see your face ever again, but something deep inside your heart, something you couldn't let go of ever after he let you down told you to come to say your very last goodbye.

Epel's eyes widen in fascination. This time, he can't hold back his tears from falling. You won't stop surprising him until the very last second, will you?

Right at the moment you are expecting him to be mad and push you back again, he throws himself into your embrace. You are about to say a word, but all you can do is to let Epel feel your warm embrace and the torrent of his tears soak through your shirt. It is too painful to see him like this.

"Wh-why...Why-are you like this-? Why did you come? Why are you still being this kind?? Why can't you just hate me!?" he painfully screams through his tears. You can feel him clench his fists, as he pushes himself closer to you. You have your emotions mixed up, you can't tell wether you should be sad or happy. But here he is, crying into your embrace like he used to do before. For a second it feels like your paths had never been torn apart, that you never got separated and he never said those words which hurt you the most.

You let him rest his head on your shoulder and run your fingers through his hair, time and time again, in an attempt you calm the silent war within his mind.

For the hundredth time, you are reminded of how much he meant to you, from the very moment you were interested in getting to know about the pale lavender-haired guy who's been secretly watching you all the time.

You remember all the times he made you laugh and that sweet smile he always put on when he greeted you in the morning, you remember each and every time that he needed your embrace to either cry or feel a bit better after the hard they he might've gone through.

You remember all the times you silently cried in bed knowing that you were slowly falling for the young boy who you genuinely held dear, that he was slowly becoming the apple of your eye.

And there he was, walking in front of you, unaware of the feelings you, young (y/n) had for him and how he was truly, the one and only for you, the apple of your eye.

Before you know it, Epel is no longer the only one crying. You hold him tighter, pushing your head to his shoulder and letting your hot tears fall off your eyes, realizing how much you've missed him after all this time. Epel doesn't pull back, instead he follows and allows your bodies to come closer and closer, until there's no space left. At the moment your bodies are close enough to become one, he's got the rhythm of your chest raising and on his body and you've got his on yours. Warm breaths brushing against each other's face that it makes it almost hard to breathe.

For a second, it feels as if you and him are the only beings on the whole world and your world is skipped inside the warmth you're drowning through right now. There's no past, no future, no pain, no feelings at all. All you know is the present you're having with him, wishing that this moment would last forever.

"I...I love you," Epel whispers, only loud enough for you to hear him under your fascinated gaze. You let out silent gasp as your head's still on the back of his shoulder.

'What did he just say..?'

Those words...those 3 forbidden words you thought you'd never him Epel them back if you ever did. Yet you kept on loving him, totally aware that he might never develop such feelings for you back.

You were supposed to make a return to your own world by now, all you'd came for was a simple goodbye to someone you were supposed to consider your ex-best friend, but you know that it would be a lie. He wasn't just your best friend, he was once your everything: Your love, your smile, your tears, your hope. Even after he bitterly told you to cut ties with him, you couldn't let go of the feeling. You felt empty without him, a life without him was clueless and dark, you felt so lost, so empty, so brokenhearted. You'd lost Epel, and never thought that you'll ever get to have him close again, let alone hearing him say that he loves you back.

And now, it's all up to you. What are you going to do now? For the first time in a while, your future now relies on nothing but your very own choice. You're caught in the middle of the path, stuck between leaving the twisted wonderland for your very own sake or staying here with Epel, in a stranger world which you don't belong to, next to the guy you once appreciated the most.

With everything you've been going through all this time, what will you choose to do? How will this story come to an end? Choosing to go and leave all the pain together with all the happiness you've been experiencing next Epel all this time behind, or letting go of the past and giving him a second to maybe lead you through a life you once dreamed to have with him?

Epel has probably got a lot more to say other than that three words, knowing that you're probably running out of time if you're going to return to your own world, next to the family and beloved ones you haven't met in forever, are you still going to stay here with Epel and allow him to talk? With all the things that he did to you and made you have a severe mental breakdown afterwards, are you still to give him your attention and love, and let him have a chance to be the apple of your eye again...?

#twisted wonderland #Twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #rook Hunt #epel felmier x reader #Apple of my eye #Pomefiore #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland imagines #epel felmier

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ai-rambles · 3 years

Text

Sorry that it took so long! Apple boy kept on giving me writer blocks whenever I tried to finish this-

Word count:

Pairing: Epel Felmier x fem!reader

Summary: Eversince Epel decided to cut ties with you after realizing the fact that you were a girl,his life has been nothing but an absolute nightmare. He's got his days filled with fear and his nights filled with regret, wishing there to be a way for both of you to forget. Forget all the times you made him laugh, and all the times he made you cry. He wanted there to be a way for the of you to move on with your lives as if you'd never hurt one another like now.

But that isn't all, Epel has***

Because you're finally about to leave the twisted wonderland.

~~~~

Living in Night Raven college has brought you nothing but pain ever since Epel, your trusted best friend and the guy you once loved rejected you after finding out that you were a girl. Each and every second spent around all your friends and people you used to admire felt like a torture. How long? How long are you going to wait until them too throw you away like Epel did? For how much longer can you pretend to be fine until everyone left around you turn their backs on you as well? Days? Weeks? Months? Or have they already given up on you?

~~~~

"(y/n)... is leaving?" Epel murmurs. Rook shakes his head as a yes, all he could do was to at least let Epel know after how things had gone between you and him lately.

Perhaps Rook was the only one who exactly knows happened that morning, the day Epel tainted each and every memory you once had beside him which you used to recall as your sweetest days of life.

Although Rook was just sneak peaking behind the wall and all he could do was to listen to Epel shouting and you trying to calm him a bit, he's pretty certain that he heard the sound of your heart breaking the moment Epel mercilessly told you that he's cutting ties with you.

Young Epel really did have a hidden dark side all this time, didn't he?

"In a few days or so, just enough of time for her to patch stuff together and say goodbye to her friends,"

Friends, huh? To think that not so long ago Epel deserved to be reminded as your friend... How fast did it all change,right? Time is an absolutely terrifying thing, he thinks.

A moment of silence passes until Rook speaks up: "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

That is a fact, he can't fix a broken heart, neither his or yours. His Yes, he was mad at you and is still mad. He felt so used to see that you of all people couldn't even trust him with such a simple thing like your gender. The fearful thought of you getting that close to him because he was nothing but a naïve boy who couldn't tell the difference between male and female. If so were all the times you said you cared for him a lie? Did you just want to play him around because he was a lonely boy who didn't have any other friends to talk to? Did you too find him stupid...? Why (y/n)? Why..??

Epel bites his lower lip trying his best not to cry in front of Rook. He already cries enough every night in bed and doesn't need another audience watching him suffer.

"Epel?" Rook calls, making Epel realize that he hasn't yet answered his question.

No, he isn't going to walk up to you just to say goodbye. But if he refuses to do so, wouldn't it make that heartless "I'd rather cut ties with you" his very last sentence to you...?

~~~~

When was the last time he Epel got a proper night sleep anyway? He can't remember. He's sure been a while that he wanted to take a second in peace, either through sleeping or through reality. When he was awake, he wanted to shut his eyes on life. When he tried to sleep, it either ended with him squirming in his surprisingly 'uncomfortable' bed all time or waking up wet in sweat from another nightmare.

*Hopelessly romantic boy...huh?*

His insomniac issues were no joke, he couldn't concentrate during classes at all. His vision was all blurry and his eyes felt heavily sleepy. Teachers kept on talking and talking while Epel just stared at the mess of words forming enormous sentences in the books until his eyes went shut. There were a few times that even teachers ended up having to shake him after the class to wake him up before sending him to the headmaster's office right away.

"Young Felmier, are you okay? You've been looking very, uh,you know, different lately"

Is he okay? He's been asking himself the same question for a while.

"Yes, Headmaster"

'I am not okay.' He hasn't been okay for a long while, at least he's well aware of it. But there's no point in letting anyone else know, right? Perhaps the only one who might've understood how horrible he is feeling right now... was you. Epel drowns in thoughts and memories are brought back to him:

~~~~

It's been months since then, but it feels like it was just a minute ago, that he had his head on your shoulder as his warm tears soaked your clothes and his warm breath brushed against your neck. It was probably one of his worse days ever. He ran off having tears in his eyes infront of enormous people, yet not a single soul cared to come after him but you. He was a total mess when you found him under the apple tree, his face was flushed and his diamond blue eyes were filled with pain and tears. You didn't even know him much but seeing him like that, in pain and tears, Epel was no more than a stranger but for some reason...it still hurt. You couldn't take it. Accepting hugs from strangers isn't really his thing, but to be comforted right as you need nothing more than an embrace to cry on, it felt...nice.

From the day after, he couldn't take his eyes off you. It was strange, he doesn't usually get to see someone this much around, but you...you were always there. Right in front of him.

~~~~

Epel nails the white bedsheets as he digs his wet face harder into the pillow, trying not to scream at the pain. What has he done? Why? Why?? How could he do this to you, the person he adored and cared for the most? Yes, you lied, but so did he. He never wanted to cut ties with you. He was furious and insecure, afraid that you might've never considered him any more than an emotional fool. It scared him, he didn't want to be the idiot you'd one say leave behind without caring to let him know that you never needed him back.

He couldn't let go of you as you'd became a part of Epel himself after all this time you've been together.

He was scared of what bigger things you might've hed from(?) him, including your true feelings for him. What if deep inside, all you saw through him was a helpless toy to use?

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts,...they were driving him insane.

'Hopelessly romantic boy'... What if his classmates were right about him though?

Oh lord, what is wrong with him? He can no longer deny the fact that he did fall in love with you while he thought it was nothing more than a simple friendship.

As it's clear than he doesn't deserve you and your love, he decides to let his heart burn inside the flames Epel started on his own.

Let him suffer in the name of you, his one and only love, for eternity.

~~~~

It's past noon yet Epel doesn't want to get out of bed. He doesn't want to look at the clock, though he's pretty sure that you've already left his world.

"Who there?-" Epel murmurs through his tears. It's probably Rook, wanting to see why he didn't make it to school today. His door continues to be knocked on, yet Epel doesn't care to answer thr sound. Doesn't matter who the hell is at the door, he doesn't want to talk right now.

Took a few seconds until he feels the blanket being pulled off him, he vaguely turns his head, ready to shout: "GET LOST" at whoever his interrupter was. He opens his mouth to yell but the sight of the person standing in front of him leaves him speechless.

Your bodies remain still as your eyes are locked, neither of you move a finger until you break the silence:

Epel's eyes widen in fascination. This time, he can't hold back his tears from falling. You won't stop surprising him until the very last second, will you?

"Wh-why...Why-are you like this-? Why did you come! Why are you still being this kind?? Why can't you just hate me!?" he painfully screams through his tears. You can feel him clench his fists, as he pushes himself closer to you. You have your emotions mixed up, you can't tell wether you should be sad or happy. But here he is, crying into your embrace like he used to do before. For a second it feels like your paths had never been torn apart, that you never got separated and he never said those words which hurt you the most.

You let him rest his head on your shoulder and run your fingers through his hair, time and time again, in an attempt you calm the silent war within his mind.

You remember all the times you silently cried in bed knowing that you were slowly falling for the young boy you genuinely held dear, that he was slowly becoming the apple of your eye.

And there he was, walking in front of you, unaware of the feelings you, young (y/n) had for him and how he was truly, the one and only for you. The apple of your eye.

Before you know it, Epel is no longet the only one crying. You hold him tighter, pushing your head to his shoulder and letting your hot tears fall of your eyes, realizing how much you've missed him after all this time. Epel doesn't pull back, instead he follows and allows your bodies to come closer and closer, until there's no space left. At the moment your bodies are close enough to become one, he's got the rhythm of your chest raising and on his body and you've got his on yours. Warm breaths brushing against each other's face that it makes it almost hard to breathe.

"I...I love you," Epel whispers, only loud enough for you to hear him under your fascinated gaze. You let out silent gasp as your head's still on the back of his shoulder. 'What did he just say..?'

Those words...those forbidden 3 words you thought you'd never him Epel them back if you ever did. Yet you kept on loving him, totally aware that he might never develop such feelings for you back.

~~~~

Epel has probably got a lot more to say other than that three words, knowing that you're probably running out of time if you're going to return to your own world, next to the family and beloved ones you haven't met in forever, are you still going to stay here with Epel and allow him to talk? With all the things that he did to you and made you have a severe mental breakdown afterwards, are you still to give him your attention and love, and give him a chance to be the apple of your eye again...?

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autolenaphilia · 4 years

Text

The Cybersix comics

So now i’ve read most Cybersix comics that are available in English scanlations. Mainly Pharmadan’s stuff.

And it is very different from the cartoon adaptation previously reviewed here, very different indeed.

Anyway, the comics were created by Argentinian creators Carlos Trillo (scripts) and Carlos Meglia (art), in the early 1990s. And yes, i do think of them as Carlos & Carlos or the the two Carloses.

The premise is one i recognize from the cartoon adaptation. It is about the superhero Cybersix, a product of genetic engineering that has rebelled against her evil creator and fights the other products of his mad science, led by his clone son José.Her cover as a male literature school teacher named Adrian. She finds a friend in Lucas, the school’s biology teacher, with who she also sexual/romantic tension. Her allies include another product of the villain’s mad science, Data-7, who has the body of a panther and Julian, a street urchin she adopted.

But the approach the comic book source material took to this is very different. The cartoon tv show is meant for children, even if it is on the darker side for such things. The comic is clearly meant for adults, and has a transgressive attitude with lots of violence and sex. And it is still almost 30 years later very shocking and offensive, it certainly was to me and I still kinda liked it. The word “problematic” has been much abused, but it still applies.

You could compare it to something out of the 90s “dark age” of American super hero comics, but to me the tone reminded me of artistic, provocative and very sexualized European comics, like something out of Métal Hurlant.

I’m therefore going to leave the rest of this review under a cut. Also it is getting kinda long. This might be a good point to put out some content warnings, ignore them at your own risk.

Content warning:: Discussions of: violence, racism, nazism, racist caricatures, sexualization of women, prostitution mention and (most disturbingly) sexual themes involving underage people (ick)

(most of this applies to the comic if you decide to read it, it can be worth checking out, but replace “discussion” and “mention” with just depiction, so be prepared for that.)

For one thing, the villain is clearly a nazi scientist who escaped from Germany to South America after the war. He is even named Von Reichter (the cartoon goes with Von Richter). This gives the comic a strong political edge. I don’t know exactly how controversial Argentina’s former status as a haven for escaped Nazis is in that country. But it probably is very controversial. Taking that subject in a critical manner might very well have been a genuinely brave move on part of the creators.

There is also the violence you might expect from a superhero comic. José is a particularly brutal villain this time around. Although Cybersix is remarkably non-violent. When she draws the sustenance she needs vampire-like from Von Reichter’s creations, she avoids killing them.

Concerning Cybersix’s gender, the comic doesn’t have the ambiguity of the cartoon. This time, it’s clear what her gender identity is, Cybersix is a woman.

Her male identity is merely a disguise. Adrian Seidelman is a person who dies in a car accident who looks kinda like Cybersix, who has no legal status, and therefore she decides to steal his identity.

Cybersix remains an interesting character, but i frankly prefer the ambiguity of the cartoon.

Her questioning of her own humanity due to her origins was also in the comic and is a strong theme in her internal monologue here.

Interestingly from a gender perspective, she has this need to prove to herself that she is not just human, but specifically a woman.

II is hard to avoid the subject of sexuality when talking about this comic, for it is almost omnipresent here. Cybersix is a very sexualized character. Her costume design is far from the worst example in comics, but like so many superheroines still designed with titillation in mind.

I found it hilarious that the comic’s actual explanation for the costume is that Cybersix stole it from the wardrobe of a literal sex worker. (the reason Cybersix broke into her home is that she was actually a Von Reichter creation that had infiltrated human society).

But this comic goes beyond most american comics and actually shows Cybersix naked surprisingly often. Her relationship with Lucas gets fairly explicit. If you find the crop of these panels odd sometimes, it’s because I’m trying to avoid showing something that breaks tumblr guidelines.

But the sexualization of Cybersix is actually a minor problem. The nude panels of her are almost quaint, like watching an old movie from the 70s which doesn’t bother to cutaway when a couple gets undressed. It isn’t really that disturbing, especially compared to the creepy sexuality in the rest of the comic.

I didn’t mention Lori in my review of the cartoon. She is one of Adrian’s students who in the cartoon has a crush on him. That is kinda a disturbing theme in itself, but in the cartoon it is no big deal, because it is fairly toned down. In the comic, she is much, much worse.

She is obsessed with Adrian and very explicitly wants to have sex with him. Remember, Lori is a teenage schoolgirl. She also doesn’t care much for the concept of consent. For example, she mails Adrian her nudes unsolicited, and that is about the least worst thing she does. I’m not saying that isn’t terrible in itself, it is just that Lori does way worse things in this comic. You can understand this gets very uncomfortable to read about very quickly.

To be fair, while the trope of the sex-obsessed woman is often a male fantasy, it is very possible that Lori is supposed to be disturbing, rather than sexy. She is even drawn in a rather grotesque manner.

José is even worse. He has only the body of a child, but the mind of a man, including sexually. It isn’t nearly as prominent part of his character as it is with Lori, but this also becomes disgusting rather quickly, for obvious reasons. And then Lori and José meet and do it, oh my god. Although José’s sexuality is almost certainly meant to be creepy.

(because the world is full of people who can’t read properly I probably need to say: no, i don’t support pedophilia even if I think this comic also has its positive sides. Also, even though I can’t really speak for them and they have both passed away long ago, I’m pretty sure Carlos & Carlos didn’t support pedophilia either, if you can even call what horrors that go on in this comic that. Depiction in fiction doesn’t equal endorsement and all that.

This might be obvious from everything I written, but i have seen bad misreadings of what people write and the resulting misinformation spread so quickly on the internet, that writing out the obvious might be necessary. )

I must also talk about the depiction of race in this comic, which is odd. There are two important characters here, who are for lack of a better word, racialized.

One is a black man who saves Cybersix from Von Reichter when she was a child. She regards him as her father. The other is Miao Yashimoto, a Japanese private detective. His sister is kidnapped by Von Reichter, who forces Yashimoto to act against Cybersix, but he eventually becomes her ally.

Now describing them here, it doesn’t sound bad at all. That’s because their personality and role in the story isn’t the problem, it is how they are drawn. They, especially Yashimoto are very much racist caricatures. Yashimoto even has the stereotypical buckteeth. I won’t show you for obvious reasons, but you can always look up this comic yourself.

What is odd about this is that the intent clearly isn’t hateful. These are both heroic characters and the comic has a more or less explicit anti-racist message. A nazi is the villain for a reason. It is just that the creators clearly don’t realize the way Meglia drew these characters is not appropriate.

What is even weirder that Yashimoto was adapted into the cartoon, complete with buckteeth. And that was a show was made in Canada in 1999. Very strange.

Overall, the comic is very different from the cartoon and I have no idea why they picked this edgy adult comic as source material for.a tv show for children, but they did. It is surprisingly faithful to the comic in many ways. The premise is pretty much the same, only it is executed in a very different, child-friendly manner. I would argue that the cartoon is in many ways more enjoyable and accessible than the comic. The attempts of the comic to provoke its audience are often not successful, or maybe rather too successful.

As you can probably tell, my feelings on this comic are complex. I care not for the creepy sexuality or the hamfisted attempts to handle race. So I don’t know if I can recommend this comic. You do need a strong stomach for all this. But despite all that, there is still much to like about this comic The art is great; very evocative and atmospheric.

And the writing can be that too. Cybersix is still a great character. Her origin story, her existential angst and her difficult love story with Lucas are just as compelling if not more than in the cartoon.

Sadly, this comic is not widely available in English.The scanlations made or collected by Pharmadan is the most extensive and what I read so far. There is a person here on tumblr, who tried to continue scanlating them but they seem to have fallen prey to tumblr’s asinine content rules.and doesn’t seem to have been able to go elsewhere yet.

I’ll leave you with my favourite panel from the comic:

#cybersix #cybersix comics #carlos meglia #carlos trillo #pay attention to the content warnings please #comics made by men named carlos

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inkofamethyst · 6 years

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October 23, 2018

Student: “I’m so dumb.”

Teacher: “You can’t be in Calculus C and call yourself dumb.”

Me, internally: Tell that to the D I got on my last quiz.

While I did only get two thirds of the answers correct on my recent quiz, I did bring my retake grade up 11% (Actually it was 16% but she would only allow retakers to go up to so high.) so now I’m at a borderline B. This quarter is so close to ending and I’m so ready for it to end. I just want to get a B on this test tomorrow, and I’ll hopefully be set. I know that I can’t possibly get an A this quarter, fine, whatever, I just cannot afford to get a B. And that chemistry quiz today? Ha! That was a terrible excuse for anything whoops! Should’ve studied more! After this quarter ends, we gon’ hunker down friends! College is on the horizon!

Let’s talk about attraction then because I really don’t feel like being sad today, though this might sadden me up anyway so let’s go! I’m predestined to fall in love with people named “Caleb” (2x) and characters named Percy (2x) so if you have either of those names then you’re starting off good. I find that I’m attracted to white guys more than to black guys, and I’ll delve into that in some other post probably. I’m not against dating, like, East or South Asians or Latinos, but I’ve never really come across any of those in real life that has made me take a second glance. Taller than me, though that’s not hard. He has to have a good voice. Or, at the very least, a half-decent voice with a lot of heart behind it. I want someone I can sing with (with whom I can sing,, whatever)! Broadway duets and jazz! I say “jazz” like “stuff” but hey if he can sho-be-dee-bop scat sing I’m down for that too! He has to be intelligent. Educated is different than intelligent, I think, and though I would prefer someone on my level of education, I would also be open to someone who is open-minded to learn and for some reason just hasn’t. Intelligence isn’t about what you know it’s how you think. I need someone who can think with me. He has to be able to handle my geekiness, and even better, he’ll join in. Couple cosplays, DnD games, watching Critical Role together(!!!) going to superhero movies, all that kind of thing. Someone who’s into cool stuff that they can introduce me to (to which they can introduce me, yes I know how this works). Someone who reads. Someone who likes fantasy or sci-fi. I feel like it’d be cool to just sit around and read in the same space. I feel like it’d be cool to just, like, do things alone in someone else’s presence. To feel their essence. Gives me shivers. He has to be respectful and courteous. Has to. I cannot deal with some childish boy who thinks it’s cool or entertaining to be disrespectful or mean. Period. I would love to date a musician. Any kind of artist would be nice in their own way, but music sets the tone to our lives. He doesn’t have to be great at music, but I feel like I’d prefer a musician to an athlete (though athletes can be cool too!). He cannot be afraid of spiders or other creepy crawlies. He definitely has to respect that I cannot stand tension in horror movies and will refuse to watch them. I want someone I can travel with for weeks at a time and still enjoy their company. I want someone who is willing to blur the lines of gender roles. They have to be a Christian. I cannot marry someone who is not. I refuse. We can question and challenge faith together but I don’t want someone who will further question my faith more than I already do. That would feel like they’re attacking a part of me. I need someone who will listen and who will communicate with me. Will I probably not know how clingy/reserved to be at the start? Yeah. But when I work it out, I want a good communication system. Obviously loyal but not blind loyalty. Question me if I’m in the wrong. I need someone who will understand what may or may not be touch aversion. If I don’t wan’t my hair to be touched, or my hand to be held, or to be hugged at any point, I need someone who will respect that because the absolute last thing I want to be in a relationship is uncomfortable. I want someone who has goals and some sort of a plan to achieve them. Driven. Funny, obviously, though I laugh at anything so that’s not hard. I want someone that I feel like I can be weird with, and talk to. If I feel like I have to put up a front, it won’t work out. My projected image is pretty similar to who I really am, but there are a few key difference that I don’t want to hide.

But all of that seems so far off. And I’m scared of finding someone like that and then wasting it because of a character flaw on my part. I don’t think I’m particularly unattractive. I don’t know. Some days I look better than others, yeah. I’m scared to say yes to anyone who might ask because what if I get bored? What if I don’t have enough time to commit to a relationship? ...How would I go about ending something that I decide doesn’t work for me? And with me especially, I feel like I’d be too passive to cut anything off with anyone “abusive.” And I use abusive loosely, like controlling and jazz included. Is passivity a sign that I’m just not ready? Is that a part of my character that I will have to overcome should the need arise? Okay, and then there’s the aftermath to worry about. What if it ends and he knows all this stuff about me? He could literally ruin my carefully-crafted image. Do I put my trust in them from day one or do I ease into it? I know the answer, but I secondguess myself. What if I’m wrong? Are all of these questions signs that I’m not ready? That I’m really just a child looking for what a child perceives as a relationship? I don’t know! And I surely, obviously don’t feel comfortable asking anyone! Literally look around!! You’re on a secret blog that no one is supposed to read!! Or are these questions just me holding myself back from an opportunity? You know, that habit that I’m desperately trying to end? I do feel like I want a man for the wrong reasons though. I will say, it was therapeutic to list out things I’d like a guy to be before I date him. I can just imagine napping on the chest, in the arms of my perfect guy (once I get over whatever this fear of being touched is, u g h). Gives me chills in all the best ways. But maybe this whole idea is just a reaction of me seeing people around me in relationships. Like, I feel like I’m not keeping up, you know? And I know in my mind that that’s silly and dumb and a worthless thought and that my self worth shouldn’t be based on my ability to be attractive enough to someone to implore that they ask me out but my heart questions the logic of my mind on a daily basis. Sometimes my mind questions my mind. We’re a big mess up in Nina’s head, hun. My heart wants a guy, my mind says that’s dumb, go study. My heart says that me not having a boyfriend yet (though technically that’s kind of my fault because I have been asked out twice before, once for the eighth grade dance (ain’t no way I was going with that kid tho) and sort-of once in ninth grade by a kid who is now openly gay (though he didn’t actually ask me out, he just told me he liked me and I did not reciprocate the feelings) so there’s that) is a problem and my mind says that’s dumb, go study.

Today I’m thankful for my new and improved math grade (80% y’all!) which actually gives me more of a chance to get a B this quarter despite-- nah, I’ll jsut leave it at that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a candidate statement to write, most of a novella to read, a test to study for, a textbook chapter to read, and college essays to write. What a mess.

And on top of that, I got seven hours of sleep last night and feel more tired? Hecc?

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rosetintmyworld84 · 7 years

Text

Rick Riordan won a Stonewall award today

for his second Magnus Chase book, due to the inclusion of the character Alex Fierro who is gender fluid. This was the speech he gave, and it really distills why I love this author and his works so much, and why I will always recommend his works to anyone and everyone.

"Thank you for inviting me here today. As I told the Stonewall Award Committee, this is an honor both humbling and unexpected.

So, what is an old cis straight white male doing up here? Where did I get the nerve to write Alex Fierro, a transgender, gender fluid child of Loki in The Hammer of Thor, and why should I get cookies for that?

These are all fair and valid questions, which I have been asking myself a lot.

I think, to support young LGBTQ readers, the most important thing publishing can do is to publish and promote more stories by LGBTQ authors, authentic experiences by authentic voices. We have to keep pushing for this. The Stonewall committee’s work is a critical part of that effort. I can only accept the Stonewall Award in the sense that I accept a call to action – firstly, to do more myself to read and promote books by LGBTQ authors.

But also, it’s a call to do better in my own writing. As one of my genderqueer readers told me recently, “Hey, thanks for Alex. You didn’t do a terrible job!” I thought: Yes! Not doing a terrible job was my goal!

As important as it is to offer authentic voices and empower authors and role models from within LGBTQ community, it’s is also important that LGBTQ kids see themselves reflected and valued in the larger world of mass media, including my books. I know this because my non-heteronormative readers tell me so. They actively lobby to see characters like themselves in my books. They like the universe I’ve created. They want to be part of it. They deserve that opportunity. It’s important that I, as a mainstream author, say, “I see you. You matter. Your life experience may not be like mine, but it is no less valid and no less real. I will do whatever I can to understand and accurately include you in my stories, in my world. I will not erase you.”

People all over the political spectrum often ask me, “Why can’t you just stay silent on these issues? Just don’t include LGBTQ material and everybody will be happy.” This assumes that silence is the natural neutral position. But silence is not neutral. It’s an active choice. Silence is great when you are listening. Silence is not so great when you are using it to ignore or exclude.

But that’s all macro, ‘big picture’ stuff. Yes, I think the principles are important. Yes, in the abstract, I feel an obligation to write the world as I see it: beautiful because of its variations. Where I can’t draw on personal experience, I listen, I read a lot – in particular I want to credit Beyond Magenta and Gender Outlaws for helping me understand more about the perspective of my character Alex Fierro – and I trust that much of the human experience is universal. You can’t go too far wrong if you use empathy as your lens. But the reason I wrote Alex Fierro, or Nico di Angelo, or any of my characters, is much more personal.

I was a teacher for many years, in public and private school, California and Texas. During those years, I taught all kinds of kids. I want them all to know that I see them. They matter. I write characters to honor my students, and to make up for what I wished I could have done for them in the classroom.

I think about my former student Adrian (a pseudonym), back in the 90s in San Francisco. Adrian used the pronouns he and him, so I will call him that, but I suspect Adrian might have had more freedom and more options as to how he self-identified in school were he growing up today. His peers, his teachers, his family all understood that Adrian was female, despite his birth designation. Since kindergarten, he had self-selected to be among the girls – socially, athletically, academically. He was one of our girls. And although he got support and acceptance at the school, I don’t know that I helped him as much as I could, or that I tried to understand his needs and his journey. At that time in my life, I didn’t have the experience, the vocabulary, or frankly the emotional capacity to have that conversation. When we broke into social skills groups, for instance, boys apart from girls, he came into my group with the boys, I think because he felt it was required, but I feel like I missed the opportunity to sit with him and ask him what he wanted. And to assure him it was okay, whichever choice he made. I learned more from Adrian than I taught him. Twenty years later, Alex Fierro is for Adrian.

I think about Jane (pseudonym), another one of my students who was a straight cis-female with two fantastic moms. Again, for LGBTQ families, San Francisco was a pretty good place to live in the 90s, but as we know, prejudice has no geographical border. You cannot build a wall high enough to keep it out. I know Jane got flack about her family. I did what I could to support her, but I don’t think I did enough. I remember the day Jane’s drama class was happening in my classroom. The teacher was new – our first African American male teacher, which we were all really excited about – and this was only his third week. I was sitting at my desk, grading papers, while the teacher did a free association exercise. One of his examples was ‘fruit – gay.’ I think he did it because he thought it would be funny to middle schoolers. After the class, I asked to see the teacher one on one. I asked him to be aware of what he was saying and how that might be hurtful. I know. Me, a white guy, lecturing this Black teacher about hurtful words. He got defensive and quit, because he said he could not promise to not use that language again. At the time, I felt like I needed to do something, to stand up especially for Jane and her family. But did I make things better handling it as I did? I think I missed an opportunity to open a dialogue about how different people experience hurtful labels. Emmie and Josephine and their daughter Georgina, the family I introduce in The Dark Prophecy, are for Jane.

I think about Amy, and Mark, and Nicholas . . . All former students who have come out as gay since I taught them in middle school. All have gone on to have successful careers and happy families. When I taught them, I knew they were different. Their struggles were greater, their perspectives more divergent than some of my other students. I tried to provide a safe space for them, to model respect, but in retrospect I don’t think I supported them as well as I could have, or reached out as much as they might have needed. I was too busy preparing lessons on Shakespeare or adjectives, and not focusing enough on my students’ emotional health. Adjectives were a lot easier for me to reconcile than feelings. Would they have felt comfortable coming out earlier than college or high school if they had found more support in middle school? Would they have wanted to? I don’t know. But I don’t think they felt it was a safe option, which leaves me thinking that I did not do enough for them at that critical middle school time. I do not want any kid to feel alone, invisible, misunderstood. Nico di Angelo is for Amy, and Mark and Nicholas.

I am trying to do more. Percy Jackson started as a way to empower kids, in particular my son, who had learning differences. As my platform grew, I felt obliged to use it to empower all kids who are struggling through middle school for whatever reason. I don’t always do enough. I don’t always get it right. Good intentions are wonderful things, but at the end of a manuscript, the text has to stand on its own. What I meant ceases to matter. Kids just see what I wrote. But I have to keep trying. My kids are counting on me.

So thank you, above all, to my former students who taught me. Alex Fierro is for you.

To you, I pledge myself to do better – to apologize when I screw up, to learn from my mistakes, to be there for LGBTQ youth and make sure they know that in my books, they are included. They matter. I am going to stop talking now, but I promise you I won’t stop listening."

#rick riordan #percy jackon and the olympians #heroes of olympus #kane chronicles #magnus chase and the gods of asgard #trials of apollo

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dolcefaniente · 7 years

Quote

Thank you for inviting me here today. As I told the Stonewall Award Committee, this is an honor both humbling and unexpected. So, what is an old cis straight white male doing up here? Where did I get the nerve to write Alex Fierro, a transgender, gender fluid child of Loki in The Hammer of Thor, and why should I get cookies for that? These are all fair and valid questions, which I have been asking myself a lot. I think, to support young LGBTQ readers, the most important thing publishing can do is to publish and promote more stories by LGBTQ authors, authentic experiences by authentic voices. We have to keep pushing for this. The Stonewall committee’s work is a critical part of that effort. I can only accept the Stonewall Award in the sense that I accept a call to action – firstly, to do more myself to read and promote books by LGBTQ authors. But also, it’s a call to do better in my own writing. As one of my genderqueer readers told me recently, “Hey, thanks for Alex. You didn’t do a terrible job!” I thought: Yes! Not doing a terrible job was my goal! As important as it is to offer authentic voices and empower authors and role models from within LGBTQ community, it’s is also important that LGBTQ kids see themselves reflected and valued in the larger world of mass media, including my books. I know this because my non-heteronormative readers tell me so. They actively lobby to see characters like themselves in my books. They like the universe I’ve created. They want to be part of it. They deserve that opportunity. It’s important that I, as a mainstream author, say, “I see you. You matter. Your life experience may not be like mine, but it is no less valid and no less real. I will do whatever I can to understand and accurately include you in my stories, in my world. I will not erase you.” People all over the political spectrum often ask me, “Why can’t you just stay silent on these issues? Just don’t include LGBTQ material and everybody will be happy.” This assumes that silence is the natural neutral position. But silence is not neutral. It’s an active choice. Silence is great when you are listening. Silence is not so great when you are using it to ignore or exclude. But that’s all macro, ‘big picture’ stuff. Yes, I think the principles are important. Yes, in the abstract, I feel an obligation to write the world as I see it: beautiful because of its variations. Where I can’t draw on personal experience, I listen, I read a lot – in particular I want to credit Beyond Magenta and Gender Outlaws for helping me understand more about the perspective of my character Alex Fierro – and I trust that much of the human experience is universal. You can’t go too far wrong if you use empathy as your lens. But the reason I wrote Alex Fierro, or Nico di Angelo, or any of my characters, is much more personal. I was a teacher for many years, in public and private school, California and Texas. During those years, I taught all kinds of kids. I want them all to know that I see them. They matter. I write characters to honor my students, and to make up for what I wished I could have done for them in the classroom. I think about my former student Adrian (a pseudonym), back in the 90s in San Francisco. Adrian used the pronouns he and him, so I will call him that, but I suspect Adrian might have had more freedom and more options as to how he self-identified in school were he growing up today. His peers, his teachers, his family all understood that Adrian was female, despite his birth designation. Since kindergarten, he had self-selected to be among the girls – socially, athletically, academically. He was one of our girls. And although he got support and acceptance at the school, I don’t know that I helped him as much as I could, or that I tried to understand his needs and his journey. At that time in my life, I didn’t have the experience, the vocabulary, or frankly the emotional capacity to have that conversation. When we broke into social skills groups, for instance, boys apart from girls, he came into my group with the boys, I think because he felt it was required, but I feel like I missed the opportunity to sit with him and ask him what he wanted. And to assure him it was okay, whichever choice he made. I learned more from Adrian than I taught him. Twenty years later, Alex Fierro is for Adrian. I think about Jane (pseudonym), another one of my students who was a straight cis-female with two fantastic moms. Again, for LGBTQ families, San Francisco was a pretty good place to live in the 90s, but as we know, prejudice has no geographical border. You cannot build a wall high enough to keep it out. I know Jane got flack about her family. I did what I could to support her, but I don’t think I did enough. I remember the day Jane’s drama class was happening in my classroom. The teacher was new – our first African American male teacher, which we were all really excited about – and this was only his third week. I was sitting at my desk, grading papers, while the teacher did a free association exercise. One of his examples was ‘fruit – gay.’ I think he did it because he thought it would be funny to middle schoolers. After the class, I asked to see the teacher one on one. I asked him to be aware of what he was saying and how that might be hurtful. I know. Me, a white guy, lecturing this Black teacher about hurtful words. He got defensive and quit, because he said he could not promise to not use that language again. At the time, I felt like I needed to do something, to stand up especially for Jane and her family. But did I make things better handling it as I did? I think I missed an opportunity to open a dialogue about how different people experience hurtful labels. Emmie and Josephine and their daughter Georgina, the family I introduce in The Dark Prophecy, are for Jane. I think about Amy, and Mark, and Nicholas . . . All former students who have come out as gay since I taught them in middle school. All have gone on to have successful careers and happy families. When I taught them, I knew they were different. Their struggles were greater, their perspectives more divergent than some of my other students. I tried to provide a safe space for them, to model respect, but in retrospect I don’t think I supported them as well as I could have, or reached out as much as they might have needed. I was too busy preparing lessons on Shakespeare or adjectives, and not focusing enough on my students’ emotional health. Adjectives were a lot easier for me to reconcile than feelings. Would they have felt comfortable coming out earlier than college or high school if they had found more support in middle school? Would they have wanted to? I don’t know. But I don’t think they felt it was a safe option, which leaves me thinking that I did not do enough for them at that critical middle school time. I do not want any kid to feel alone, invisible, misunderstood. Nico di Angelo is for Amy, and Mark and Nicholas. I am trying to do more. Percy Jackson started as a way to empower kids, in particular my son, who had learning differences. As my platform grew, I felt obliged to use it to empower all kids who are struggling through middle school for whatever reason. I don’t always do enough. I don’t always get it right. Good intentions are wonderful things, but at the end of a manuscript, the text has to stand on its own. What I meant ceases to matter. Kids just see what I wrote. But I have to keep trying. My kids are counting on me. So thank you, above all, to my former students who taught me. Alex Fierro is for you. To you, I pledge myself to do better – to apologize when I screw up, to learn from my mistakes, to be there for LGBTQ youth and make sure they know that in my books, they are included. They matter. I am going to stop talking now, but I promise you I won’t stop listening.

Rick Riordan’s speech in June 26, 2017 for The Stonewall Award American Library Association meeting in Chicago for the book Magnus Chase 2: The Hammer of Thor that won the children’s book award for “exceptional merit relating to the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender experience” because of the character of Alex Fierro.

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thej13579 · 4 years

Text

Robins Involuntary Makeover - Ending D

Robin decides to confess to Lissa and Maribelle.

Here it is. After over a year and a half since I started, I finally finished Robin's Involuntary Makeover. It's definitely a story that I worked on the most. Suffered from a bit of writer's block on certain parts, which is why it's taken me this long to get everything done. But I am still proud of this story and I hope to keep on improving from here.

If you have any constructive criticism and feedback, feel free to reply and/or reblog.

“Come to my room at seven PM. I have something important that I want to tell you both.”

That was the only thing written down in the note Robin handed to Lissa and Maribelle. Neither of them knew what their friend wanted to tell them, but they were concerned.

Ever since Robin’s training a couple of weeks ago. Lissa and Maribelle noticed that he was acting rather odd.

The first sign was his skin, mainly how Maribelle noticed that Robin has been applying the same brand of skin cream that she uses. His skin now looks so soft and clean. Soft enough that wrongfully handling a paper could give him a cut. Maribelle didn’t consider it a big deal as she thought it was that her tactician friend was taking care of his appearance.

The bigger sign was his attire. As the weeks flew by, Robin wore less tunics and moved towards clothes that were more effeminate. Soft pants, frilly blouses. He wasn’t dressing like a woman, but neither Maribelle or Lissa can recall many men actually dressing like that amongst the Shepherds. Even his hair wasn’t untouched. It was now reaching his shoulders and Maribelle could tell that it was soft, light and flowy. She suspected Robin must have used the same potion that grew his hair originally.

When asked on the subject, Robin simply replied that he wanted a change of pace from his usual attire. Nothing to make a big deal of, he said. He just wants to look more fancy.

Then there was the note. Both Lissa and Maribelle suspected there was something up with Robin lately and they had a feeling that the reason why he wanted them to come to his room had something to do with it. Besides, it would’ve been rude to turn down a possible invitation.

As the two ladies walked in, their eyes set on a fairly shocking sight.

Rather than his usual clothes or even the fancier and more feminine clothing that he wore for the past several weeks, Robin was in the slender white gown that he wore during field training. He was wearing heels, pearl earrings, gloves and makeup. He was even wearing the corset that made his figure look far more feminine.

“Hello ladies,” Robin dipped into a little curtsey. His voice wasn’t artificially raised by the potion, but the pitch was slightly higher than usual. Maribelle suspected he must’ve been working to make his voice more naturally feminine“I know this might seem quite shocking to you. Sit down and have some tea. I’ll explain.”

As Lissa and Maribelle sat down, Robin poured tea for them. He was about done pouring tea for himself when Maribelle couldn’t help but ask a question.

“Robin, may I ask why you are dressed as a woman?”

“Yeah,” Lissa interjected. “Your training is over. You don’t have to wear that dress anymore.”

Doubt crept up Robin’s mind as he took a sip of his tea.

“I honestly wasn’t sure if I should tell you either of you this. Especially you, Maribelle. You were always a bit strict when it comes to gender norms.

“I had been raised as a proper lady by my parents and tutors. I am expected to behave as a lady of my standing should. But I can tell that you are a special case.”

Maribelle gently sipped her tea.

“Explain.”

“It all started about a day after you wrapped up my training. I slipped on my regular clothes and I went about my day doing my usual activities, nothing truly important there. But, for some reason, my clothes felt wrong. At first, I thought it was because of all the creams and lotions you had me put on my body. I thought that, with time, things will go back to normal and I can pretend this whole thing never happened.”

“But you were wrong. Is that right?”

“That’s right,” Robin nodded at Maribelle’s question. “Every now and then, my mind turns towards you. You were so graceful, so elegant, so beautiful. I actually felt kind of jealous.”

“So you started your change in attire,” Maribelle responded. “The more effeminate outfits, the longer hair. That explains it, right? I bet you used the same potion we originally used on your hair.”

Robin nodded.

“It was around that time I began having dreams. Funny enough, when we first started my training, I dreamt of dancing with women in suits while I was the one in dresses. But as time flew on, some of those women became men.”

Maribelle wanted to ask the obvious question. But she knew that it’s likely that all of her questions will be answered by the end.

“What happened after that, Robin?” Lissa asked.

“Of course, one night. I couldn’t take it anymore. In the privacy of my own room, I got myself dressed in that lovely white ball gown you gave me. You originally let me keep it as a little joke between the three of us, but I didn’t have a problem with it.”

Robin sipped the tea daintily, taking to Maribelle’s lessons like a duck to water.

“I slipped on the undergarments, did my makeup and put on my accessories. I even put on the corset. Tying it up on my own was quite a pain, I admit. As I got myself completely dressed and looked at my reflection, I came to a sudden realization.”

“What did you realize?”

“That it felt right. I felt so beautiful and feminine and lovely... I want to stay like this.”

“You mean… as a woman?”

“Yes.”

Robin turned his - her - face away from their shocked looks. She didn’t want to look at their faces of disgust, their faces of anger, their faces of… hatred.

“We didn’t know, Robin.”

At the sound of Maribelle’s voice, Robin turned back to the two ladies to find not disapproving or disgusted looks, but faces filled with concern, of worry.

“Yeah,” Lissa said. “When we started this, we wanted to have a little fun at your expense. We didn’t think that it would end up like this.”

“It’s not your fault, Lissa,” Robin answered. “When I first realized my condition, I did some research. From what little I managed to gather through research and my own experience, it’s not something you can get. It’s not so much of a disease as it is a realization.”

“What is this condition?” Maribelle asked. “From what you said, it does not seem to be terribly common around here.”

“It does not seem to have a name from my research. It is too uncommon and hidden to have one.”

“What would you call it?”

“Well, Lissa, I think I’ll call it Gender Identity Disorder. I try to go for a more professional sort of name.”

“Personally, I find that name to be fairly appropriate,” Maribelle sipped some tea.

“Honestly, if I was in your shoes, my parents would never allow me to make such a big change. I would’ve been the next Duke of Thermis and engaged to a potential wife. If I ever came out, it would cause massive political issues for my father and myself.”

Maribelle smirked.

“But, considering you don’t have such issues holding you down, a transition like this would be little to no problem. You would still have to deal with bigotry.”

“Yeah, I’m sure Chrom will understand. I bet he’ll be more than happy to make you a woman legally.”

“But I-:

“But nothing, Robin!”

Maribelle got up and pointed her pink parasol at Robin.

“You are a woman and I’ll make sure that the people of Ylisse will treat you as such.”

“Yeah,” Lissa got up as well. “And anyone who has a problem with it will have to deal with the two of us.”

“It… I…” Robin stammered, her voice breaking. “You...”

Lissa quickly pulled Robin into a tight hug.

“It’s okay to cry, Robin. Just let it out.”

It was rare that Robin cried at all, let alone openly in front of her friends. Now, she was definitely crying. But with that smile on her face, Lissa and Maribelle knew that Robin wasn’t sad at all.

It was then Robin realized her makeup was smearing from her tears.

“I know I’m smudging my makeup. Let me go clean myself up.”

“Let me help, Robin.”

Maribelle took out a handkerchief and began cleaning up the stains on Robin’s face. She took care to wipe off all the makeup the tears ruined. There was barely any left by the time Maribelle was done. Only a brief bit of blush. Barely noticeable at this point.

Eventually Robin stopped crying, allowing her to ask a simple question.

“Maribelle?”

“Yes, Robin?”

“I know I completed the crash course that started this whole thing. But perhaps you don’t mind if you train me on the details that you glossed over? If I’m going to stay like this permanently, I want to make sure that I don’t miss crucial details. It would be quite dreadful if I missed something that I really should know.”

“I would love to, Robin,” Maribelle smiled. “The lessons may be fairly extensive now that we are done with the basics, but I know a wonderful student like you would pass without too much trouble.”

“Well, I wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn’t for a wonderful teacher like you.”

As the three ladies giggled, they continued their spot of tea. Any worries that Robin had over her future were forgotten for the time being. She knew that with her friends, nothing will stand in her way.

#fire emblem awakening #my fanfiction #involuntary makeover #robin #maribelle #lissa

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weirdo-with-a-nametag · 5 years

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Ok @chaoticneutral-bard tagged me, and I have to thank you because I find these things really fun and this is the first time someone has prompted me to answer one. This is really long and I have no idea how to do breaks on mobile, so watch out.

How tall are you: The last time I checked, it was somewhere between 5'4" or 5" and 5'6". But my dad thinks my mom is shorter than me, and her height is over 5'6" so who knows.

What color and style is your hair: orange, mostly straight, the person who last cut my hair called it an "A-line," and my friends wanted to give me an undercut a few weeks ago so that happened.

What color are your eyes: hazel, but really there are rings of color, the inner ring is brown and the outer one is green, which makes the hazel, and a stripe of brown in the left one also. As a kid I overheard the optometrist call it a "pigment leak" when telling my dad that it was stable, and since then I have a habit of checking to make sure my eyes are still the same, so this is detailed.

Do you wear glasses: no, I have had it easy on the eyes get front. If I wore glasses they would constantly get broken, so really my family is the lucky party here.

Do you wear braces: no again, easy genes on teeth too.

What is your fashion style: I have no idea. I have very few clothes, mostly my fault because there are not many clothes I can find for cheap that I like. Tight-fitting pants, soft shirts if they have long sleeves, loose shirts either way, thin jackets or hoodies. The shoes I have right now are steel toed, waterproof boots. If there is a look in there, I am not the one to describe it.

Full name: well, my name is pretty gendered and I would prefer to not be associated with it on here, but in my bio I said to call me Keen and that works, and my last name is Murray.

When were you born: July 3, 2002.

Where are you from and where do you live now: I was born in Charlottesville, Virginia and now live in Portland, Oregon. Supposedly I visited the Atlantic ocean and the DC zoo before I moved, and I am jealous of three-year-old me who still remembered that.

What school do you go to: my school is at the top of a big hill that I have to ride my bike up every day, but there is a public library across the street so I bear no hard feelings.

What kind of student are you: school... Hmm. This year I am an okay student. Getting better. I listen enough, ask questions, and again a decent amount of material. That one obnoxious kid who nobody really messes with because I do get quieter when asked, and I offer support or jokes when needed. But I also procrastinate a lot.

Do you like school: I do. All in all, the good outweighs the bad. School provides a structure I want to go along with, times for classes and eating and places to be. The busywork is tiring, and some teachers are stressful, but for the most part it gives me a constancy I like and helps avoid my general rejection of anything that stays the same.

What are your favorite school subjects: most of the time I just have no favorites. This year my favorite class is Earth Space Science but a lot of what sets that apart is the teacher and an amazing friend who has it with me. I really like math because if the patterns, ASL because I love learning languages, and science. Shop is a lot of fun as well.

Favorite tv shows: this one I have a lot of trouble with. All I can say is that I watched Malcolm In The Middle several times through when I was younger, and that recently I keep going back to The Magicians, because it has a cool take on magic, but mostly because I just really like how it looks. The cinematography and lighting, the characters, I just really enjoy looking at that show. The way I think of its world reminds me of why I loved the Inkheart series, but to a lesser extent.

Favorite books: oh. Books are difficult. I love books. There are so many good ones. I will surely post about books. Right now I have Insomnia and The Drawing Of The Three by Stephen King, Fugitive Six by Pittacus Lore, Fences by August Wilson (this is a play, but I am reading it at the moment), Godless by Pete Hautman, Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann, and The Other Side Of Normal by Jordan Smoller in progress. Of those I recommend Insomnia, Fences, and Let's Talk About Love (because the protagonist is ace and therefore please read it, and because so far it is good, not typically my favorite genre but still). I really enjoy Discworld books right now, and I read Postcards From No Man's Land by Aidan Chambers a bit ago, also a good book.

Favorite pastime: what I usually do is read or listen to music or talk to my friends to pass time, or maybe origami, but hiking or climbing are probably my favorites. Usually those are not within the scope of reality because of pain or parents or time constraints, but I do plan to hike the PCT a bit after graduation, and that will be amazing.

Do you have any regrets: yes.

Dream job: right now all I want to do is develop the tech or algorithms necessary to get off of this planet, because we are killing it and there needs to be a plan that involves leaving and letting it recuperate.

Would you like to get married: eh, probably. I would like to have someone I want to marry, and vice versa. Right now I simply see nothing like that in my future, but in total my future is fuzzy and I still have no idea how relationships of any kind are supposed to work. I focus on one goal at a time. Right now that goal is to make it to college.

Would you like to have kids someday: I have long believed that my parenting would be damaging to anyone's psyche. If I can get a handle on why I think that, and target the problem, then I would very much like to help someone with their life by being there when they need a parent.

How many: I doubt that I will ever have the means or capacity to take care of more than one kid well, and even if I felt like I could handle it I would still rather dedicate myself to one.

Do you like shopping: food shopping is great, I greatly enjoy when I can go buy food. Clothes shopping is terrible and I and it at all costs. Clothes are expensive and very rarely comfortable.

What countries have you visited: Canada and China, and the US if you count where I live.

What is the scariest nightmare you have ever had: in recent memory, this is a toss up between one where my house was flooded and someone transformed into a dog to get inside my house in order to get my family to welcome them into the family, and then immediately try to kill me, and the one where my mom and I were talking and then a really big cat came up and made like it was going to attack me, but then this random kid who I had been getting to know was a puppy and my mom shoved them toward the cat as a diversion and I still feel the despair and my heart drops when I think about her choice there. That on had me rattled. The other one made me jolt awake. Both were colorful nightmares, so probably not actually the scariest, but memorable and made for good stories.

Do you have any enemies: in general I am pretty peacable, but I just stopped interacting with the two or three people who have come closest to making an enemy of me. There are people I dislike, but it takes a lot to get to that point.

Do you have an s/o: no. I still have a lot of confusion in regards to how to build that type of relationship, and there are maybe two people who could ask me out who I would say yes to, just because for the most part I am too unfamiliar with the inner workings of my friends' minds and there are very few people I feel like I could even start to work out well with.

Do you believe in miracles: I believe in the type of everyday miracle that comes about when you crunch the numbers and find that something really is only barely possible, but live to see it happen anyway.. so yes

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simran-2jan · 7 years

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Rick Riordan won a Stonewall award today

For his second Magnus Chase book, due to the inclusion of the character Alex Fierro who is gender fluid. This was the speech he gave, and it really distills why I love this author and his works so much, and why I will always recommend his works to anyone and everyone. “Thank you for inviting me here today. As I told the Stonewall Award Committee, this is an honor both humbling and unexpected. So, what is an old cis straight white male doing up here? Where did I get the nerve to write Alex Fierro, a transgender, gender fluid child of Loki in The Hammer of Thor, and why should I get cookies for that? These are all fair and valid questions, which I have been asking myself a lot. I think, to support young LGBTQ readers, the most important thing publishing can do is to publish and promote more stories by LGBTQ authors, authentic experiences by authentic voices. We have to keep pushing for this. The Stonewall committee’s work is a critical part of that effort. I can only accept the Stonewall Award in the sense that I accept a call to action – firstly, to do more myself to read and promote books by LGBTQ authors. But also, it’s a call to do better in my own writing. As one of my genderqueer readers told me recently, “Hey, thanks for Alex. You didn’t do a terrible job!” I thought: Yes! Not doing a terrible job was my goal! As important as it is to offer authentic voices and empower authors and role models from within LGBTQ community, it’s is also important that LGBTQ kids see themselves reflected and valued in the larger world of mass media, including my books. I know this because my non-heteronormative readers tell me so. They actively lobby to see characters like themselves in my books. They like the universe I’ve created. They want to be part of it. They deserve that opportunity. It’s important that I, as a mainstream author, say, “I see you. You matter. Your life experience may not be like mine, but it is no less valid and no less real. I will do whatever I can to understand and accurately include you in my stories, in my world. I will not erase you.” People all over the political spectrum often ask me, “Why can’t you just stay silent on these issues? Just don’t include LGBTQ material and everybody will be happy.” This assumes that silence is the natural neutral position. But silence is not neutral. It’s an active choice. Silence is great when you are listening. Silence is not so great when you are using it to ignore or exclude. But that’s all macro, ‘big picture’ stuff. Yes, I think the principles are important. Yes, in the abstract, I feel an obligation to write the world as I see it: beautiful because of its variations. Where I can’t draw on personal experience, I listen, I read a lot – in particular I want to credit Beyond Magenta and Gender Outlaws for helping me understand more about the perspective of my character Alex Fierro – and I trust that much of the human experience is universal. You can’t go too far wrong if you use empathy as your lens. But the reason I wrote Alex Fierro, or Nico di Angelo, or any of my characters, is much more personal. I was a teacher for many years, in public and private school, California and Texas. During those years, I taught all kinds of kids. I want them all to know that I see them. They matter. I write characters to honor my students, and to make up for what I wished I could have done for them in the classroom. I think about my former student Adrian (a pseudonym), back in the 90s in San Francisco. Adrian used the pronouns he and him, so I will call him that, but I suspect Adrian might have had more freedom and more options as to how he self-identified in school were he growing up today. His peers, his teachers, his family all understood that Adrian was female, despite his birth designation. Since kindergarten, he had self-selected to be among the girls – socially, athletically, academically. He was one of our girls. And although he got support and acceptance at the school, I don’t know that I helped him as much as I could, or that I tried to understand his needs and his journey. At that time in my life, I didn’t have the experience, the vocabulary, or frankly the emotional capacity to have that conversation. When we broke into social skills groups, for instance, boys apart from girls, he came into my group with the boys, I think because he felt it was required, but I feel like I missed the opportunity to sit with him and ask him what he wanted. And to assure him it was okay, whichever choice he made. I learned more from Adrian than I taught him. Twenty years later, Alex Fierro is for Adrian. I think about Jane (pseudonym), another one of my students who was a straight cis-female with two fantastic moms. Again, for LGBTQ families, San Francisco was a pretty good place to live in the 90s, but as we know, prejudice has no geographical border. You cannot build a wall high enough to keep it out. I know Jane got flack about her family. I did what I could to support her, but I don’t think I did enough. I remember the day Jane’s drama class was happening in my classroom. The teacher was new – our first African American male teacher, which we were all really excited about – and this was only his third week. I was sitting at my desk, grading papers, while the teacher did a free association exercise. One of his examples was ‘fruit – gay.’ I think he did it because he thought it would be funny to middle schoolers. After the class, I asked to see the teacher one on one. I asked him to be aware of what he was saying and how that might be hurtful. I know. Me, a white guy, lecturing this Black teacher about hurtful words. He got defensive and quit, because he said he could not promise to not use that language again. At the time, I felt like I needed to do something, to stand up especially for Jane and her family. But did I make things better handling it as I did? I think I missed an opportunity to open a dialogue about how different people experience hurtful labels. Emmie and Josephine and their daughter Georgina, the family I introduce in The Dark Prophecy, are for Jane. I think about Amy, and Mark, and Nicholas … All former students who have come out as gay since I taught them in middle school. All have gone on to have successful careers and happy families. When I taught them, I knew they were different. Their struggles were greater, their perspectives more divergent than some of my other students. I tried to provide a safe space for them, to model respect, but in retrospect I don’t think I supported them as well as I could have, or reached out as much as they might have needed. I was too busy preparing lessons on Shakespeare or adjectives, and not focusing enough on my students’ emotional health. Adjectives were a lot easier for me to reconcile than feelings. Would they have felt comfortable coming out earlier than college or high school if they had found more support in middle school? Would they have wanted to? I don’t know. But I don’t think they felt it was a safe option, which leaves me thinking that I did not do enough for them at that critical middle school time. I do not want any kid to feel alone, invisible, misunderstood. Nico di Angelo is for Amy, and Mark and Nicholas. I am trying to do more. Percy Jackson started as a way to empower kids, in particular my son, who had learning differences. As my platform grew, I felt obliged to use it to empower all kids who are struggling through middle school for whatever reason. I don’t always do enough. I don’t always get it right. Good intentions are wonderful things, but at the end of a manuscript, the text has to stand on its own. What I meant ceases to matter. Kids just see what I wrote. But I have to keep trying. My kids are counting on me. So thank you, above all, to my former students who taught me. Alex Fierro is for you. To you, I pledge myself to do better – to apologize when I screw up, to learn from my mistakes, to be there for LGBTQ youth and make sure they know that in my books, they are included. They matter. I am going to stop talking now, but I promise you I won’t stop listening.”

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