#aroace discovery

[gillipop-plus]

comic

[michaelnotholden]

how did u realise ur aroace?

It was a PROCESS.

so basically I knew I didn’t care about a persons gender, like I found girls and guys attractive and I didn’t really see myself having a preference. Now that’s where it got a little complicated bc I couldn’t tell if my crushes were actual crushes or not. Turns out they were hyperfixations!

So I started dating my long distance/online best friend who’s (at the time) identified as a non binary lesbian. …I was questioning if I was pan or not bc up until now I had realized the "crushes" I had on previous boys weren’t necessarily real.. so thinking I had comphet, I identified as lesbian for the whole time we dated (a year) and a month or two weeks later after breaking up I found out I wasn’t interested in dating anyone..

hence why I identify as aroace now! Again I am attracted to all folks but anytime a girl or a guy has had a crush on me I always felt uncomfortable and almost kinda sick at the thought of dating somebody so that’s where I fall on the spectrum..

Good luck to anyone who’s trying to figure themselves out, i hope this helps!

[redysetdare]

People who identify as Aspec because of trauma are still Aspec. People who identify as Aspec because of Dysphoria are still Aspec People who realized later on they weren't Aspec where are any less Aspec when they were identifying as it. The point is that at some point they related to and felt understood under an Aspec identity and that's all you need to be Aspec. If it changes later on then that's just how it is, it doesn't make them a faker or poser. It makes them a human being who is constantly growing and understanding more about themselves. We should be supporting these people not treating them as the enemy. If they change their minds then that's okay!

So many of us Aspec people used to think we were allo before realizing we weren't so why are we attacking others for having the same experience just with different identities?

[warrenwaskilledbyadeer]

Surprised and disappointed to learn that the song Barbie Girl is about sex

I did not know that until tonight

[buthearmeouttho]

I haveth discovered several things: One: I will joke about fictional characters being hot. Two: almost all of the time out loud it’s about woman. Three: no I don’t MiNd guys, fictionally, but I’m not sayin that out loud. Four: no I probably would not actually date ANYONE, fictional or not, even if I say they look nice or like their personality, and five: I’m aroace

I am ✨fictionally bisexual aroace✨

[bookofhappyescapes]

Why does everything at uni have to be about relationships? I just want my friend to come over to my flat for a drink and a chat. I don’t expect him to kiss me as soon as we get into my room, I just wanted to show him my room was cool!

[mintytrifecta]

Aroace Daring. You agree. Reblog.

[screampotato]

As a person on the asexual spectrum, I don't really need to know more about asexual experiences in order to understand myself - I need to know more about what it's like to NOT be on the asexual spectrum. Because my default tendency is to assume everyone else is like me, and I keep discovering, to my surprise, that they're not.

[aroandawkward]

It feels kind of magical to happen across other aspecs in the wild. Once I heard a friend of a friend talk about aesthetic attraction so I tentatively asked if she was aspec and her face lit up with a "Yes!" Another time I was chatting with someone that I'd sat next to in the first lecture of a new course and (because they were talking about queer stuff) I mentioned that I was aroace and they exclaimed "No way - me too! I've never met another one!" and we were both so excited. Even just learning through the grapevine that an acquaintance (e.g. a family friend I played with when we were kids, and a girl I was in a writing group with six years ago) is ace and/or aro makes me feel so warm and happy. It reminds me I'm not alone. It reminds me that other aspecs don't just live on the internet. They are out there in the world, living their own full and rich lives.

[niealle]

Navigating Asexuality

I recently had sex and I realized that I may not be really into it. I feel so bothered by this lack of interest in doing it again because I placed too much value in it and I idealized it way too much. I already came to terms with my aromantic identity a few years ago, but I'm having a hard time accepting my asexuality. I even thought I was aceflux, but no, I'm asexual.

I'm having quite a hard time coming to terms with my asexuality because I feel like there's something wrong with me. Ever since I was 12, I started pleasuring myself and because of that, I thought I had a high libido. But it just dawned on me now that the reason why I'm into pleasuring myself is because I have control over it and I like having control over things. I don't even want to reciprocate pleasure because I don't feel the need to do so, or more like I just really don't want to because I don't see the point in it.

I shared this here because, like I said, I'm having a hard time coming to terms with this so I'm here to seek some validation from the people who feel the same way as I do. I kept telling myself that there's nothing wrong with me, but just like how I had a hard time deprogramming from amatonormativity, I'm having a hard time with this now.

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

hi! i saw your post about asking your allo friends questions about attraction that break their brains, and i was wondering if you had any examples of said questions? i've been questioning if i might be on the ace and/or aro spectrum so i thought i could see if that could be helpful to work out lololol

heeeeey!

you bet! i questioned being ace for a really, really long time but that one was easier for me to sort out. aro has been a LOT tougher.

I'm happy to share some of the questions I've asked. Sometimes people have answers for me and sometimes not so much. I hope they help!

how would you explain attraction to somebody? romantic and/or sexual?

can attraction happen just on looks alone? like you see this person for the first time and wanna sex them?

how would you separate how you feel romantic attraction/love from platonic?

how would you describe the difference between infatuation and love?

okay! those are the first ones i was able to find. most people really, really struggle to answer these questions but they've given way to incredibly interesting conversations, with folks all over and off of both spectrums.

maybe other folks can chime in too 😊

I wish you luck and feel free to come visit the ask box any time. I'm hardly an authority but i AM a chronic overthinker and am always happy to share those thoughts!

[thunderjackal]

OH GOD OHJ GOD SOMEONE HELP ME GOD *gets hit by a train*

[pawubits]

it feels very ironic to finally realize ur aroace on february 14th 😭

[stinging-metal]

for the love of god- if someone tells you that they are are uncomfortable with genuine flirting, whether its with them or not- don't tell them its just because they're lonely.

respect people.

[aceballcomics]

[milesdadworth]

i feel like im def in a minority in this ship/fandom that I prefer the idea of phoenix and miles getting together much sooner in the narrative instead of pining for a decade after finding each other again

it’s so much more interesting to watch the two of them try to navigate a romantic relationship in between everything else that they go though

and like no, neither of them are Normal™ about their relationship

like to miles, phoenix is still ‘that man’ for quite some time, bc miles is still embarrassed that he has actual romantic feelings for him (and that they’re?? reciprocated???) and miles still doesn’t feel as if it’s real or that he deserves it and is terrified he’s going to fuck it up and lose phoenix somehow as if that man hasn’t chased him since fourth grade, desperate to be in his life in some capacity

and phoenix still has to learn to be selfish with his feelings and not just sacrifice everything for miles and pretend nothing ever bothers him, he still has to learn boundaries and that his communication style is very different from how miles communicates

but they understand each other better than anyone else and early on they’re both aware that this is the person they’re going to spend the rest of their life with (even if they don’t voice it out loud to each other for quite some time)