#art's beautiful no matter what it is it's the purest way to express yourself and your emotions and love and feelings

[todayisafridaynight]

aoki has been my blorbo in law for *counts on fingers* like 5 months i think but the other day he rapidly became MY blorbo and the worst thing ever has happened i cannot draw him..its a curse i have had for years (cant draw blorbo perfectly on the first try or 2nd or 3rd but can on the 17 trillionth) and im soooo mad bc i wanna draw him right now and not later but cannot rage rage rage rage

cant believe you stole your homie's blorbo in the divorce 😭

[x-0ophelia0-x]

A work of Art which did not begin in emotion is not art. - Paul Cézanne

pairings: Artist!Reader x Ezra Bridger

warnings: none! just fluff and a sad ending. And not proofread yet.

word count: 2,4K

summary: You’re an artist. Drawing is your passion, something you do whenever you need to relax or do when you’re motivated. You see things in a different way, a more peaceful one. Observing things is your speciality which comes in handy when you start your anatomy studies on a certain someone, whose training sessions with Kanan seem to be the perfect opportunity for you to study.

authors note: this might be my favorite one until now- this prompt was stuck in my head like for forever now. Being an artist is part of a reason why this kind of escalated in it‘s length-

It’s also S4 Ezra, ignore the gif, was the only one I found with Kanan 😭

This wasn’t originally based on Cézannes quote, I just had a rough idea of a peaceful scenario on Lothal and his quote seemed to fit the best on how this fanfic went on.

I might make a series out of this, words can’t describe how much I enjoyed writing this one 😭

anywayyy, the Ahsoka final will air in just two hours and guess what? I‘ll miss it because it’ll be 3 am here and I‘m supposed to get up in 4h for school :D

enjoyyy <3

What is Art?

It was a question you could never really answer yourself.

It had grown into a part of you, defining the person you had become.

Art wasn’t just a drawing on a paper or on whatever material you could imagine. It was a feeling, an emotion. The desire to create something new. The desire to immortalize your emotions into the paper you were working on.

The Arts priority is to make you feel something, to understand the Artists hidden message.

Some use it to express their feelings, others indirectly use it as a love letter to their beloved ones.

Art ist a matter of perspective, some see boring studies, others see emotions at it‘s purest form and then others again see the hidden message behind it.

And yours? Let’s say that yours was a mix of everything.

- Lothals sun was low, it’s dimmed light bathing the landscape in a beautiful haze of gold. The grass fields reflecting the golden light perfectly as they were moving with the wind. Lothals mountains being highlighted by it while several loth cats where playing around. 

The whole scenery sent a feeling of comfort and warmth to you, the peaceful moment, a luxury for you and your friends since fighting against the empire was your dangerous lifestyle.

You sat by a rock, leaning against it while a loth cat was cuddling up right next to you. Going into a peaceful slumber, trusting you with it‘s life right now. As you sat there, holding your sketchbook with the one hand and your pencil with the other. You couldn’t help but to get lost in this moment. 

Everything seemed so perfect right now and the beautiful scenery in front of you really resembled a painting itself. And beside the loth cat, you weren’t alone. 

Hours like this were used by Kanan and Ezra to train, a perfect opportunity for them since they wouldn’t get distracted here as much as somewhere else. 

And this was your perfect opportunity to make some anatomy studies. 

Drawing was your passion, a hobby you shared with Sabine. 

And moments like this just boosted your motivation. Sitting on a open field while the sun had it‘s golden hour, having your pen and sketchbook right beside you, what else could you possibly want more?

Ezra also became a key figure to your studies. His training sessions with Kanan offered you dynamic poses, interesting ones that were perfect for your exercise. 

You often found yourself sketching him, being it while he trained or while he fell asleep on your shoulder due to his exhaustion whenever he finished his double trainings with Kanan and Rex. He knew about your hobby, everyone did. What he didn’t know though was that you were sketching him, that he was a constant figure in your sketchbook. Studies of him while he trained, slept against your shoulder and his face, especially his eyes.

You loved him and he loved you. You both confessed to each other a while ago, he didn’t really question you whenever you watched them train or always having you sketchbook near you since he knew that drawing was your passion after all. Ezra even enjoyed having you around, not only because you two were a couple, but because he knew that with you, he’d never be truly alone again just as he was before the ghost crew found him. 

The crew is his newfound family, there’s no doubt in that, but they wouldn’t stay together, close like they were right now forever. The day where everyone would go their own ways would eventually come, leading to them being completely united again just when they’d have a mission together or plan a trip or something. He’d have his friends but he’d again have to live somewhere alone, which was a fear of him, one he hid damn well from the others. 

But now he had you, someone he’d never imagined meeting in his life. Someone who would love to spent their life together with him. Someone who felt the same connection towards him like he felt for you. 

His training with Kanan continued, parrying each strike from Kanan while you continued to sketch him. Each pose having a different dynamic. 

Whenever you felt that you had too many poses on one page of position, you chose single parts of him, his face, his hands holding the lightsaber or just his expressions, drawing them separately next to the poses. Trying to bring in some contrast so that looking at those sketches later wouldn’t be too boring.

The loth cat eventually woke up, nuzzling it’s head against you while it watched the Jedi and the Jedi in training, train. 

Then it’s head turned to you, looking into your eyes and then into your sketchbook. It seemed to recognize Ezra‘s silhouette, looking back and forth, as if he was comparing the original Ezra with his sketched version. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the creatures confusion, it was adorable.

„Yes it’s him“

You said, your voice just loud enough for it to hear, not wanting to risk Ezra hearing you. He didn’t know that he was the star of your sketchbook and you didn’t know how he’d react if he realized that you had a whole sketchbook of him. 

The loth cat then again looked up to you, gesturing to your sketchbook and itself.

„Do you want me to draw you too?“

You asked it, smiling down, adoring it‘s character. It was the first loth cat that didn’t attack you at first sight but instead chose to actually spend time wit/ you. 

And it seemed happy about your question, taking a position while looking straight at you.

Not wanting to hurt its feelings you changed your subject, sketching the cat instead of Ezra right now. 

It was still on the same page as Ezra though and even if it didn’t really fit with your topic for this sketchbook, it somehow fitted to him, his connection with those kind of creatures being his passion. 

When you had the bases finished, having a full body, a close up from its head and a version of it sleeping like earlier, you continued with its details. Something you loved. Hours could pass by and you’d never grow bored of adding more of them.

The difference this time was that you were fast and didn’t need too long for the loth cat‘s features and details. Being finished quicker then it thought, showing it the results. 

You weren’t a loth cat expert but it’s stunned expression, looking at your sketches of it with awe, was kind of an confirmation that it liked your way of portraying it. 

You chuckled at its reaction, it was fricking adorable. It then turned its head against to your direction, as if it was asking you if it was really him.

„Yes that’s you“

You then spoke softy, failing to notice that Ezra’s training had ended. 

Seeing you interact with the cat warmed his heart, and Kanan noticed it.

„Ah.. young love“

He teased him, receiving a smirk from Ezra.

„Don’t get me started on you and Hera.. Master“

He replied, knowing that he hit a spot with this one.

„This point goes to you“

Kanan then says, faking a defeated tone with his voice. 

„Enjoy the sunset“

Was all he said before leaving the field and walking over to their ship where the rest of the crew was. 

Ezra also made his way to you, but from behind, aiming to scare you a little.

While you still let the loth cat to look at your sketches, he sneaked up from behind you, throwing his arms around your waist and whispering a short ‚boo‘ against your ear.

„Oh my force!“

You shrieked, jumping at his sudden approach, accidentally losing hold of your sketchbook. Then realizing that it was the sketchbook. 

„That’s what she said“

Was everything he said, not able to hold in his laughter while you jokingly pushed your elbow against his side.

„Very funny. Bridger.“

He sat down, right next to you, bringing his arm behind you and wrapping it around your waist, holding you into a half embrace. 

„I feel honored and scared at the same time“

„As you should“

You then also started to laugh, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

„How was your training today?“

„Like always.. I‘m just happy that it’s over for today, Kanan and Rex went hardcore.. I didn’t know that I had this many muscles until today“

You chuckled.

„Why? Did they remind you how useful they are while they let you do the galaxy’s most historical workout?“

„No. It’s because I feel EVERY single one of them right now“

He whined, letting his head fall and rest against your shoulder.

„What about you?“

He then asked, yawning as he looked at the golden hues spraying wildly across his home planets landscape. 

„What about me?“

„You were drawing again, I saw you when Kanan gave me some seconds to relax“

Ezra said, shifting his gaze from the sun to your sketchbook.

„You always seem to have this with you when I‘m around.. can I see it?“

He asked with a genuine tone, sounding almost innocent.

„You want to.. see my sketches?“

You asked, hoping that you understood him wrong but him nodding proofed you otherwise. 

„I‘d love to“

The cat noticed your unease with showing him your sketches of him. But it also sensed your bond, it somehow made it happy that you two were happy together. With the power it held right now, it decided to play the matchmaker and carry your sketchbook over to Ezra. 

„I don’t know where you found the little dude but I already love him“

Ezra said, laughing at the cats action which left you more nervous then before. He wasn’t an idiot tho,knowing Sabine meant that everyone on the ghost learned the importance of someones privacy regarding a sketchbook. It was yours after all, who was he to do whatever he wanted with it, right?

„Would it be okay for you if I see it?“

He asked you, holding the sketchbook in his hands after the cat gave it to him. And you somehow where curious of how he’d react, if he’d like them or hate them. 

So you accepted.

„Sure.. just.. you’ll see it yourself“

You said, looking down at his hands that held it.

Ezra then opened it, the first page already on full display, showing sketches of him training and his eyes. He didn’t think too much into it, thinking that it was just a coincidence but when the page after and the one right after continued to have the sketches of someone looking like him, he couldn’t help but wonder. 

„y/n.. is this person me?“

He asked, slowly rising his head from your shoulder to look at you, and you nodded.

„Yeah..“

Was all you could say right now.

„Please don‘t feel creeped out..“

This catchend him off guard.

„Why should it creep me out?“

Ezra asked her, returning his gaze to your sketches. Looking at them in awe.

„These sketches are perfect like- they are amazing.. breathtaking even“

He continued to turn the pages, looking at each portrait of him, mesmerized by how perfect you catched in his details. 

And you where completely dumbfounded. Didn’t expect this reaction.

„But.. why me?“

Ezra then asked, getting you out of your confused state.

„Uhm…“

You started, not knowing how to explain it to him at all.

„well.. I needed to study the anatomy on someone so.. I decided to exercise it on the person I care the most..“

You said, looking down at your sketchbook.

Ezra then smirked.

„Is that so..?“

A blush made its way up to your face, reddening with each word he said.

„You’re adorable“

Was all he said before he placed a kiss on your temple. 

„You even drew the cat“

„I did“

He then closed the sketchbook after he was finished, laying it down next to you. 

„So.. I saw that you studied different parts of me too… which one was your favorite?“

His head was once again on your shoulder, holding you close with his other arm while you also held him close with yours around his waist. 

„Your eyes“ 

You said almost immediately.

„They remind me of the endlessness of our galaxy and the hyperspace‘s blue. I could look at them forever and never get bored by it. They’re.. You’re mesmerizing“

Your tone was genuine, and this time it was Ezra who was blushing. 

„Thank you..“

He said, feeling kind of proud that he had this comforting effect on you.

„You’re mesmerizing too tho..“

You chuckled at his nervousness. His cocky attitude from earlier being completely replaced by it right now. 

He then had an idea, knowing that his drawing skills were terrible.

„Would you want to teach me to draw like that too?“

He asked you, feeling excited about this. And you too felt the same, sharing your hobby with someone was good enough, but sharing it with your partner was just out of this world.

„Of corse! I’d be more then happy!!“

You said, your excitement evident in your voice. 

It was a promise you both looked forward to. 

Then, you two, okay technically three since the cat refused to go aways, laying down between you two, sat there with a perfect view, looking at the sunset in front of you, staying together until it went darker and darker, enjoying each others company.

You both were still unaware of what was about to come.

Which daring challenges would not only cost you one dear person, but also another one‘s well being.

Unbeknownst to you this was one of your last peaceful moments together. 

The galaxy had other plans for your futures and soon enough your sketches of him where the only things you had left to keep his memory fresh in your mind.

To remember him whenever you felt lost, feel close to him again even if you felt the loneliest you ever felt before.

They kept you strong, for years to come.

And you knew that whenever you’d find him again, you’d need to start a new one.

[thompsonstessa-moved]

Måneskin interview for TVN24 - english translation

Few days ago an interview (on video) with Måneskin came out in Poland on TVN24 channel, sadly its paywalled on their site (and the tv only showed a bit).

However, I got a transcript of it and decided to translate it for you guys :D

Also, while the interview took place in Poland (day before the Sopot festival), the interviewer knew italian, so they talked in italian and the TV translated it to polish (and dubbed them!!! :( ). So I hope theres nothing that like, got lost in translation twice.

Also its 2am now so the translation might not be the most perfect, but you'll definitely get the gist of what they were saying!!

The whole thing is under the 'keep reading' :)

First of all – congratulations on the San Remo and Eurovision wins! I just want you to know how happy you made my mom – she listens to your music for 3 years now. How are you feeling today?

D: We feel good, tho we’re tired as well. We travel a lot, but we’re happy. We meet new fans, new opportunities are coming up. It’s really nice.

How did you guys meet? When looking at you, you have this sense of unity and just good vibes. How did it all start?

D: We know each other for a long time.

V: Yeah, Since middle school. Me, Thomas and Damiano were playing in different bands, but they weren’t the best. Thet all disbanded. Then we posted in a facebook group ’looking for a musician in rome’ and found Ethan. Since then we started doing music for real. We devoted ourselves to the music, and… the rest just came naturally.

E: Yes. We knew it’s gonna be our life since day one.

What did you say In the post, when looking for the fourth member of the band?

V: I wrote ”looking for a drummer for an indie rock/new wave band”.

E: That’s true, there was new wave in it too.

I’m sure a lot of people replied.

V: No, actually only Ethan replied. But we found that post lately and now it’s full of comments like „why didn’t i reply back then!”

T: Ethan was really lucky.

What did your parents thought about your choice (to pursue music)? A rockstar lifestyle isn’t exactly what every parent wants for their child.

D: No, our parents are really content with it. They know what we do makes us happy, and of course we visit them whenever we can. And they are proud of us as well, because they see we’re happy and independent, travelling all over the Europe, and hopefully all over the world. I think every parent wants their kid to be satisfied and happy.

And friends? Are you still friends with the same people, or did the friendships fell apart?

D: We still have the same friends. And we’re sure that way that they are our real friends.

Do they understand your current lifestyle, that you can dissapear for a year?

V: Yeah, they all understand that this is our job, that our life is a bit irregular, but, like everything, it has its ups and downs.

E: Exactly, they understand, but they also miss us. Sometimes my mom calls and says ”I miss you, you’ve been gone for so long”. It’s normal. But what’s important is that we feel the support from our families and friends. They understand that you need to sacrifice a lot, to achieve a lot.

Can you still easily go ands grab a beer in the Rome neighbourhoods (districts?) of Pigneto or Trastevere? Or is it impossible now?

V: The only truly safe place for us is Trastevere, because we always lived there. Everyone there knows us and they don’t care we’re famous.

D: But I have to admit that since they whole Eurovision thing we still didn’t come back, so it’s hard to say for sure.

T: But let’s say that its a safe space.

Don’t you worry that now that whole world knows you, you’ll be followed by tourists?

V: Oh my god, you’re right, we didn’t think about it!

D: When we came back to Rome for one day I got excited when one tourist stopped me. ”Cool, I got stopped by a tourist” – now it’s normal.

T: It gives us joy.

V: It’s beautiful.

E: Wonderful.

V: We’re not complaining.

D: Long live the tourists!! (that one was kinda weird to translate)

You started by playing on Via Del Corso, now you’re international stars. I’m wondering, do you still feel the same when playing together as before? Do you have fun making music together? Or do you miss the simpler times and would love to go back to Via del Corso and play something spontaneously?

V: No, we’re still spontaneus. It’s really important for us, and we make sure people who work with us understand that. We’re really adamant about it. Music needs to remain beautiful, spontaneus and natural thing for us. We never worked with someone who would write lyrics for us. No one ever told us what we can and cannot do. We still feel the exact same feelings in studio and on stage that we felt when we were just getting started. It’s the purest thing for us. We want to have fun and feel free to express ourselves.

T: Exactly, especially that music is our driving force. Without music, we wouldn't have all the beautiful things we do. We focus only on music, and the rest comes to us.

Let’s imagine a situation where you just started ma king a song, and everyone has a different idea for it. How do you work that out? And who’s idea wins most of the time?

V: There are two options in this situation: we try every idea, and if none works, we throw the song away.

E: It doesn’t work. (that one is kinda untranslateable?)

V: Or we really work on it and fight till the end.

D: Exactly. Sometimes, but that pretty rare, one of us has a particular idea on how to do the song, and manages to convince us (to the idea). but it’s not an order, it’s a dialogue. An attempt to make everyone think the same way. I need to say that it was much harder in the past, because we were still searching for our sound, and each tried to push the rest into their way of thinking. But now we’re more aware of what we want to create, so it’s coming out in much more natural way.

E: Faster.

D: Not really faster, because it takes a lot of time to create new songs, but it’s easier, we don’t argue that much anymore.

T: It’s really cool, because everyone gives something from themselves to the song. (my brain kinda blanked here, sorry xD) Just like Damiano said, there are days when Vic has one idea for a song, I have another idea, Damiano has his own idea, Ethan as well… But it’s a whole creative process where we all contribute, and it’s pretty stimulating.

D: Everyone feels appreciated. It’s really important when it’s four of us.

What are the biggest signs that you became huge international stars?

V: We really realize that when we’re having concerts. Where we can see our audience and we can see that people really care about us. That they took time and money to listen to us. Now that we’re travelling across Europe, the amount of people stopping us on the streets really shows how many people know about us. People are waiting for us in front of our hotels. We didn’t think it would be like that. But we feel nothing but affection and warmth from them.

How was Eurovision for you from the backstage? Anything atypical?

D: No, it was all great. We played ping-pong.

V: Did rehearsals.

E: Interviews.

D: Yes, interviews. And ping-pong.

When you we’re in Paris, did anyone mention the drug allegations that came from French people during the finale, that kinda became a diplomatic incident?

D: Yeah, you could say that it was mentioned.

They don’t resent you? Or maybe you resent France?

D: No. To feel that about the whole country would be too much of a generalization. Of course there were people who were really vocal about it, but we don’t feel any sort of resentment. It’s in the past for us. We knew they were just primitive accusations. We did what it deserved – talked a bit about it, I volunteered to do the test, and they (the accusators) were sure it had to be false. It got ridiculous, so we just stopped talking about it. We want to talk about out music, our art. The rest is just meaningless.

Right now, LGBTQ rights are a hot topic both in Italy and in Poland. You mentioned freedom of being different and being yourself on several occasions. Do you think you can change the world on this matter as musicians?

D: Maybe not change the world, but we can definitely contribute. Speak the voice of those who can’t. We have a huge following on social media, on stage, on TV, so we feel responsibility to talk about what’s important to us. We hope that something will change because of us, but we don’t consider ourselves as the ones to set the standards of justice and change. We do what we can do, and if we know enough about it, we talk about it. We don’t want to put someone elses words into ours mouths.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @melpomenismask

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a splay shape, meaning that your planets are located randomly in different groups in your chart. people with this type of chart are usually very talented at different things. they can focus their attention on different matters, from family, to work, to love. everything is important for you, and you try to live your life to the fullest. you may be particularly talented at things that require action, it doesn’t matter whether it’s physical or mental. you may be very good at sports, dancing… or maybe you’re good at leading, you could easily be the boss on your work place. since you’re interested in so many things, you could easily be skilled at all of them to be honest. my advice would be to pick the hobby that is most important for you and care about it more than the others. that’s because people with this chart usually tend to do so many things that they may lack precision. it’s better to give all of yourself to what’s important for you.

your dominant planets are venus, mars and the sun. you are definitely a very creative person, you're very charismatic and you have strong ideals. you are quite stubborn, it's hard for you to change your mind once you're convinced of something, but at the same time you also love learning new things and researching. you are quite open-minded.

your dominant sign is taurus. you're a chill person, you prefer staying at home instead of going out and partying. you are quite stubborn, but that's because you're passionate about your ideas and beliefs. you prefer trying and take action, even if you risk to hurt yourself, instead of just standing still and observing. you find comfort helping others; it's a way to feel satisfied both with others and yourself, as you like proving your skills and talents.

your dominant element is earth. you're a loyal and stable individual. you value longevity in your relationships, and that makes you quite picky. you can easily appear as cold, as opening up to someone you don't know well is too much of a risk for you. once you do, though, you'll stay forever. money and material possessions are important for you, as you understand that financial stability is one of the main qualifications in life.

🌎 ascendant in taurus, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and mercury

taurus is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. therefore, you’re probably very attractive, even if not conventionally. taurus risings usually come off as introverted and shy, you’re probably not much talkative. you’re a homebody, you prefer staying at home reading a good book instead of going out and partying, even though you don’t despise hanging out with your friends either. basically, you’d rather watch a movie with them than going to the disco, for example. you’re a very patient and cautious person; because of that, you may be considered slow, and it may be true, especially in your movements. yet, you just like thinking deeply about a decision, even if it’s just about what to eat for dinner. you don’t want to have regrets. you may also be quite materialistic, and hence you’re extremely careful to how you spend your money. you don’t want to be a burden to someone else, in fact you most likely used to feel guilty to ask your parents for money when you were younger. you’d rather be independent. usually, taurus placements are quite egotistic, but I don’t think it’s exactly your case. your heavy virgo energy points out the opposite; you’re careful to who’re you generous with, but you’re not selfish. you don’t fancy flaky, insignificant relationships. you prefer having long-lasting and intense bonds, you don’t have time to waste. you’re particularly loyal, but you could become too possessive and possibly controlling of your partners or friends. you’re probably not very flexible in life, since taurus is a fixed sign; you’re particularly fond of routine and you don’t like changing it out too often. it’s hard for you to adapt to changes, so you’d rather avoid them at all. taurus risings tend to have a very youthful vibe to them, and they’re usually more on the shorter side, or at least average. I’ve also noticed that they tend to have naturally straight and silky hair, it’s thick and good-looking. it looks very healthy, even if they may barely take care of it. your eyes may be big or at least of average size, and they’re usually hooded, almond-shaped with naturally long lashes. your nose could be a button shape or a french nose but, even if it’s not, it still goes very well with your overall face. your lips are most likely full, even if not necessarily plump. you may also have a defined, distinctive cupid’s bow. you're also quite short or average height.

🌞 sun in aries, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

even though you enjoy the idea of love and relationships, your independency is what matters the most for you. you possess strong leadership, which makes you aspire for the best positions in work, school, marriage etc. you don't want to lower your standards. aries have the reputation of being fearless, and that's mainly caused by their impulsiveness. in fact, if they actually thought before acting, they wouldn't be aries lol. some people may even define you as selfless, as you literally put yourself in danger or in awkward situations just to say what you truly think, even if nobody asked. it's part of your nature, you don't want to go unnoticed. I don't see you being the one starting conflicts, though, especially with your taurus venus. you probably just lose your temper when someone challenges you (and it may happen often, to be honest). you hate routine; you always try to spice up your daily life a bit by meeting new people and trying new experiences in general. you enjoy having fun, partying, travelling... you thrive in social situations. you may have troubles making right decisions, as you're quite indecisive. but, once you do choose, no one is gonna stop you from achieving your goals and showing the world who you are. in fact, you gain confidence from your assertiveness, making you pretty proud of your persona as well.

aries sun square cancer saturn: during the first years of your life, you were most likely very insecure. probably, your father or any kind of authoritative figure influenced your growth, making you self-conscious about your looks and abilities. they might've been really strict, or at least critical or overprotective of you. you feel the need to be perfect, or at least to meet others' expectations. you may also care too much about what others think about you. you may be a late bloomer, and you could face some hardships in your relationships, but this gets better with time. this probably manifests in your approach to friendships and relationships, making you quite awkward. don't worry, though; as you become more aware of yourself and your potential, saturn's lessons won't seem so harsh anymore.

🌙 moon in virgo, 6° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

this is the purest virgo decan. you want to have everything under control, you can't bear not being organized. you most probably write down your appointments and stuff on an agenda, or perhaps even in the notes app of your phone. you're extremely precise, you want everything to be perfect. you probably care a lot about your appearance; you most likely have a skincare routine, workout... just anything that makes you feel healthy. you love taking care of yourself, especially of your hygiene. you also put a lot of effort in your outfits, you fear not being at your best state. you're a perfectionist, after all. this also project in your home environment; you may clean your house thoroughly, it's most likely all neat. in addition, this mania of yours of being perfect makes you have high standards; in fact, you need people in your life that try as much as you do. you despise lazy people. you probably have a reputation for always being calm and elegant, as you try to avoid conflicts as much as possible. you're very smart and insightful, and you strive for perfection; you want to prove your power to yourself, as it helps you boosting your self-esteem. in fact, it depends a lot on your achievements; if you don't meet your expectations, you start going through a hard time of insecurity and struggles. you love communicating, but you may struggle to find the right words. your eyes talk for you, though. you're also very introspective, and you're fond of art and creativity in general. you're very critical, both of yourself and of others. you don't do it with malice, though, but as I've already mentioned you want to frequent people that try to be at their best all the time, just like you after all.

virgo moon square taurus venus: there are contrasting feelings in your relationships with others; after all, your taurus venus wants to commit to someone and be loyal to them. on the other hand, your virgo moon wants to be independent. you don't want to feel tied to someone, you still need your independency. those two desires of yours probably contrast each other, stressing you out. you want a calm, almost boring relationship, but with this placement you can't seem to have one. your feelings and self-esteem may depend a lot on your relationships, not only with your lovers, but also with your friends. if someone isn't loyal to you, you immediately start blaming yourself. in your life you may lack intimacy, and while it may make you feel better at first, based on the rest of your chart you actually need someone on your side. you can't do everything on your own. you need to find someone that projects your ideals of love. if you need a free-spirit, go look for one. it may take you a while, but if you learn all the lessons you need to learn from your breakups, you'll be able to live a peaceful life with your spouse.

virgo moon square gemini mars: your feelings are very intense. you may tend to react aggressively, or at least overreact. you feel the constant need to express your emotions, but you also want to be understood by others. you tend to be aggressive because you're actually afraid that others may be the first ones to hurt you. you don't really do it with malice, it's your way to defend yourself from eventual enemies. this placement also indicates that your childhood / family life was or will be quite turbulent. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to be a little bit more mechanic when you express your feelings. you don't have to hide them, just try not to vent all your anger around.

virgo moon conjunct virgo jupiter: you're an outgoing and warm person, who always tries to make others feel at ease. I assume you try to be nice to everyone, but you can't help but be a little awkward around people you don't know. you go with the flow and don't shy away from challenges. they're moments to prove your potential and abilities. you are an extremely open-minded person, you rarely judge a book by its cover. you probably despise racism, homophobia, misogyny etc. with a passion (as you should tbh). you may also be into poetry, philosophy, and just anything that can stimulate both your mind and feelings. in fact, your mind is constantly wandering somewhere else, allowing you to travel with your fantasy. you're also probably attracted to foreign things, like people, music, fashion, languages, movies etc. you love learning about anything, and you may also have a good memory. in fact, it’s common for you to be the one who explains things and possibly even leads a group, and this could unluckily make you seem as a know-it-all. you do take pride in your wisdom, indeed. your deep way of thinking is also where your desire for freedom comes from, as you wish to be able to expand yourself through travelling and new experiences. when you get angry, you can actually get very rude and offensive, even towards authorities. you’re short-tempered, and you despise being told what to do. you’re also a good, loyal friend, and you’re the type to stand up for them and defend them during a fight.

🗣 mercury in taurus, 0° / 1st decan ruled by venus

this is the most quiet taurus decan, yet also the most precise and analytical. you care a lot about grammar, you don't want to make any mistakes. looking ridiculous is your biggest fear, hence you end up overworking to prove yourself that you're capable to do anything you want. you have a slow way of thinking and speaking. your voice may sound really calm and pleasant to hear, yet still strict and ambitious. you’re probably a good singer, or at least have the potential to become one. you tend to overthink a lot, but you eventually get to a conclusion and stick to it. no one is gonna change your mind. you enjoy learning and working in creative ways; you might enjoy using powerpoints, flashcards or maybe study with your friends, or listening to music. you also probably have a nice, aesthetic handwriting and you like organizing your agenda. your voice is probably very soft and youthful.

❤️ venus in taurus, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and saturn

you seek long-lasting relationships. you're very romantic, and this fixed influence gives you high standards for your partner, you stay back from players. you look for someone you can always count on, and that is willing to support you through thick and thin. it may take you a while to find someone worth to be your lover, but once you find them, you'll always be loyal to them as long as they're respectful. they're your most precious possession, hence you're very jealous and protective of them. if it becomes unhealthy for both you and your partner, it's surely an issue you have to solve, maybe together. you're also the type who likes to be spoiled by their lover, and wants to make lovely gifts as well. these gifts don't have to be expensive, even homemade things are fine. for example, you may melt at the thought of your significant other taking their time and do something exclusively for you, like baking a cake or writing a poem. little gestures that show you their love. in a potential partner, you also care about how they present themselves. I'm not necessarily talking about conventional beauty, but more on a self-care side. you like people who smell good, have a nice fashion sense and maybe people that are quite conceited too (obviously not to the point of narcissism).

💥 mars in gemini, 7° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you’re driven by the sense of intelligence. your intellect is your greatest strenght, it’s your energy tank. you’re interested in a bunch of things, and hence you may have trouble staying focused on one thing at the time. you probably have tons of hobbies, and you may end up not being much precise since you have tons of things that you have and want to do. you can’t stand boredom, you need your day-to-day life to be exciting and, above all, offer you something new to learn and / or experience. you probably fancy being very active: you go out often, you workout, you may also be the type to love partying and things like that. you’re extremely witty and curious, and you want to live your life to the fullest. you may often change your style, your opinions, maybe even your personality, and that could make you seem confusing and / or unreliable.

gemini mars square virgo jupiter: you easily come off as more assertive and arrogant than you actually are. you say things impulsively, and sometimes you’re too blunt and hurt people’s feelings. you don’t do it on purpose, though, there’s no malice behind your acts; it’s just your natural way to express your opinions. you’re also very competitive, and this may make you look selfish. on a positive side, you probably have a naturally nice body (or maybe you react fast to diet/workout). to cope with this placement, you can try doing something fun to challenge your mind, basically get out of your comfort-zone. of course you don’t have to overdo it, but it would be beneficial. in fact, it’s when you’re both physically and mentally active that you’re able to come up with even better ideas, as you’re full of creativity.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in taurus, with also mercury and venus placed there. you have a slow, cautious approach to the world. you don’t like rushing things, you prefer taking your time on any decision you make, it doesn’t matter whether it’s about what to wear or even about your future career. you’re fond of arts, creativity and self-expression in general, and people may actually know you for your creativity. you are a fast-thinker, even though that doesn't mean you always take the right choices. in fact, you can change your mind very often. you probably have a beautiful, melodic voice, even though it's likely very loud. you also speak as fast as you think, making it hard sometimes to keep up with you in a speech. you could also switch from a topic to another casually. you don't really enjoy thinking about the past nor the future, you only care about the present and you live it they way you feel; hence, you're not really the type to care about learning from your mistakes. you always see the positive side of them, which can be both good and bad actually. that's because you're quite stubborn, it's hard to make you change your mind. you enjoy fun, exciting relationships. you're the type who's looking for a risktaker, even dangerous partner. you hate boredom, and this may be your weakness regarding this placement; that is, once the relationship starts getting more serious, you feel as if it's going down, when it's actually the opposite. hence, you just run towards a new adventure. this placement may even give you the reputation of being a player, but I don't think it's your case based on your others placements. you have to understand that relationships can get boring, but that's not necessarily a red flag. it just means you two are starting to feel comfortable together. you also enjoy physical contact, therefore cold partners are a no no for you. you need someone who's affectionate yet bold, and that would spoil you with attention and gifts.

your 2nd house is in gemini, mars is also sitting there. you’re probably very intelligent, and your skills are what boost your self-esteem. you’re also capable of doing more than one thing at the same time. you could make money from communication, hence you could become a writer, a singer, a theraphist, a judge, even an influencer. anything that involves the use of words. you may also be quite intelligent, and your intellect and ideas are what make you feel most confident. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste time to argue with someone.

your 3rd house is in cancer. your parents were probably successful in school and university, and they passed down their knowledge to you. maybe, you may have the same interests or passions as them, or perhaps they want you to be academically successful just like them. you may also find yourself talking about your memories, as you’re very attached to them, or even directly about your childhood/parents. saturn is also sitting in this house: you can come off as cold by the way you speak. when you're speaking to someone you're not close to, you choose your words more wisely and patiently; with your friends, on the other hand, you take off your mask and you just act the way you feel to. you may also be the type to give dry answers, such as 'ok', 'alright', 'good' and so on. your tone is calm and placid, while your voice sounds quite youthful, but still with a note of steadiness. you're funny, but your humor is more sarcasm-based. you're not intimidated easily; even when someone tries to argue with you, you don't back up from it. you may dive deep into your mind to find the right answer you to your problem. even if it takes you some time, you manage to find a solution. a downside to this is that you may lack patience. probably, when you were little you started talking / reading later than other kids, and maybe you were teased for that. in the worst case, this placement could also indicate that your mother had a miscarriage.

your 4th house is in leo. your family had great expectations of you, which could have eventually led to anxiety/self-esteem issues. on the other hand, your parents cared about you, and they always made sure that you had everything you needed. if you have siblings, you were most likely the favourite child in the family, or at least you were spoiled by your parents, both with material things and affection. overall, your childhood wasn’t much turbulent, even though your parents most likely were quite strict with you. there could have been lots of arguing as well aside from restrictions, and hence it was hard for you to establish a proper emotional bond with them. because of that, you may feel a little insecure now, as you may constantly feel misunderstood by others.

your 5th house is in libra, with also the moon and jupiter placed there. you’re very creative, and you try to make beauty out of your imagination. you’re probably into music, art, photography, fashion… things like that. you’d also like to experience light romance, and you may enjoy the idea of socializing with others. you feel fulfilled when you’re able to spend time with your loved ones, even though this may make you struggle embracing your indipendence. your hobbies could involve foreign matters, and hence you may be into foreign cultures, languages, or even stuff like movies, music, and so on. you probably have hobbies that broaden your mind, and hence you could also be a very spiritual and / or religious person. you may also have a knack for philosophy, writing, psychology, etc. you can be quite dramatic when you express your reactions; e.g. you scream when you're angry, or maybe you get really loud when you're excited or happy about something. you could also vent your emotions punching things, for example. just like the sun, the heat of your emotions needs to be felt by those who surround you. you just want the best for anyone, even though people may take advantage of this generosity of yours. in addition, you could hardly ever say no, especially to people you're not close to. your heart is aligned with your feelings; you're naturally kind-hearted, you're prone to say things as you feel them. on the other hand, you may not be aware of how your thoughts may influence others. you're also very artistic! you might be into drawing/painting, or at least into art history, or maybe literature, poetry etc. anything that involves creativity and self-expresssion. you can be quite egotistic regarding your emotions: you always try to interpret people's feelings, so you get deeply upset when people don't understand you, especially when they don't even try.

your 6th house is in libra. it’s hard for you to show your love with words, hence you do it with little gestures. you probably remember stuff like their birthday, their favorite food etc., and you wouldn’t mind receiving the same kind of affection back. when it comes to love, you’re not a risk-taker; you probably prefer being courted rather than court others, and if you do it, you make sure that the other person likes you back. you enjoy helping others, you’re the type of friend or lover that wouldn’t hesitate to do favors. yet, you want to be appreciated, otherwise you may just feel used. you may be quite hard to satisfy, but you’re surely very loyal. in your daily life, you could be surrounded by beauty and aesthetically-pleasant places. perhaps you work in fashion, you could be a mua, a hairdresser... you may also find your true love at work, or at least you get to date your co-workers/classmates often. you most likely involve beauty, art, aesthetics and creativity in your daily routine. your home environment probably looks very neat and well-designed. you care a lot about it, as much as you care about yourself; you put a lot of attention in your outfits and looks too, and you most likely love shopping. this is another placement that indicates that your ideal career should serve your need for creativity and self-expression.

your 7th house is in scorpio. you tend to attract very intense partners. your future spouse will be very loyal and fond of you, but they may be a little too obssessed with you. it will be a very intimate relationship, but you may struggle with control. in fact, you’ll most likely be both very possessive and easily jealous, and there may be some arguments regarding this issue. with this placement, you may also attract ‘broken’ people, such as drug dealers, alcoholics, abusers… yet, as I’ve already mentioned, you also have the moon in this house, which makes you luckier when it comes to love. you’ll most likely avoid this type of people, but your relationships will still be very karmic. they may be painful, as you love hard when you fall for someone, but they’ll be crucial for your self-growth. once you find someone right for you, they'll feel like family to you, as if you've known them forever. you'll be able to feel extremely comfortable and free with them.

your 8th house is in sagittarius, with also pluto placed there. you’re very curious when it comes to taboo topics, you like learning about them. you’re probably into conspiracy theories, as well as matters like astrology, tarots, horror, tragedies, mystery... you can use them to transform yourself and grow up, so you could definitely use this birth chart reading to improve yourself. 8th house is also the house of karma, and yours is kind of strange. you may often feel like you’re right about something, e.g the sky is blue. you’re very proud of your observation, but then it turns out to be different. it’s like the universe is constantly teaching you new things. luckily, this is something that gets better with time. in addition, having sagittarius here is great, as jupiter kind of protects you from the 8th house’s malefic themes. all the negative things that could happen to you, are actually blessings that are here to help you. you just need to be a little bit more optimistic, the universe has your back.

your 9th house is in capricorn. you have a pragmatic approach to philosophy, school and experiences in general. for example, you may be the type to plan every day of a travel. at school, you were probably the type to prefer more logical subjects, but I assume that you were good at all of them. yet, you may often get lost in your thoughts and get unmotivated from time to time. you’re also extremely open-minded, you hardly ever have prejudices. you surely don’t judge people from their sexuality, skin colour etc, you actually dislike that kind of things.

your 10th house is in aquarius with also your neptune placed there. you want to stand out from the crowd, you strive to establish your own morals and beliefs. you don’t want to conform to anything and anyone, as you’re a trend-setter and you want to be seen as such. you’d rather have a job where you can handle your work yourself, rather than having a boss. in fact, aquarius in this house makes you extremely resolute and motivated to achieve your goals and be independent. you may not be much interested in love, and if you are, you don’t overlook career either. having a stable and successful future that makes you happy is the key for happiness in your life. it could take you some time at first to be recognized for your efforts. you may easily experience 'almost-winner’ situation, and hence you could often make silly mistakes that ruin your work. it’s important to be focused when working, especially for you. yet, once you know how to balance this tricky energy and get your stuff together, you’ll earn a reputation for being an innovative and original person. you may be quite artistic, creative and emotional, you’ll probably focus your life on self-expression. with mars in this house, you are most likely going to be independent at work, you'll most likely have your own business. you could possibly work online as well, you could earn money through the internet.

your 11th house is in pisces. uranus is also sitting there. you probably had problems with your friendships in your early years. you could have been too shy to approach people, hence you struggled to befriend them. or maybe, you used to gossip around, and that led you to lose them. or perhaps, you’re too work-oriented to find some spare time to hang out with others, and hence you end up losing your bond with them. in the best case, you may have quite spiritual / religious friends, or perhaps they’re your soulmates, they were a part of your past life. you have this habit of idealizing them a bit; that is, you may be too picky in choosing your friends. you’re probably looking for the type of friend that’d literally throw themselves under a car to save you, but it’s hard to actually find someone like that. open up more and accept others as they are. you don’t necessarily need to be with them for a long time, but make sure to learn your lessons from them.

your 12th house is in aries. the sun is also sitting there. there’s this side of you that is very bold and daring, but you struggle to let it out. it’s hidden in you, and you only show this side of yourself to those who can understand you. you’re also extremely scared of physical violence, like rape, fights, wars… they’re probably your deepest fears. the sun in this house gives you a weak sense of identity, you may struggle to figure yourself out. because of that, you may be drawn to tools like astrology, tarots, mbti, ect. to learn more about yourself. you could want to be seen as bolder than you are, hence you could struggle with identity crisis, especially during your teenage years. you have your own morals and beliefs, but you could feel influenced by others to change yours. luckily, this is something that gets better with time, as you start being more aware of your persona and you start loving yourself. you're most probably a very complex individual. you're a sort of chameleon; you act differently based on where you are and who you're with. you could be a savage with someone, an introvert with someone else.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract scorpio, gemini, virgo, sagittarius, capricorn, cancer and aquarius. your future spouse will most likely have aquarius and capricorn traits; they’ll be extremely intelligent and astute, with a great thrist for knowledge of any kind. yet, they’ll also have a warm, soft, almost childish vibe to them that will make you feel like a teenager again. you’ll most likely meet them in your natal country, during or after a period of growth and transformation in your life. they’ll also be probably older than you. your children will have virgo, cancer and sagittarius traits as well: they’ll be extremely intelligent and witty, maybe a bit too paranoid and moody, but also very fond of their parents, especially of you. they’ll love playing around, but they could be a bit immature. they’ll also love being spoiled with affection, as well as material things.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably very hard-working, and she has a strong role in your family. she loves being spoiled and appreciated, together with receiving attention. yet, she could sometimes be quite superficial because of that, but deep down she’s very romantic and mannered. she may have leo placements, or maybe aquarius, capricorn, pisces or scorpio. your father is a bit more unpredictable, he could be moody and therefore you may argue with him more often, and he might be an aquarius or have any type of water/sagittarius placement in his chart. yet, he also has a very sweet and outgoing side to him that he may struggle to let out. if you have siblings, they’re probably cancers/water signs. you have a very pleasant relationship with them, you're all very playful and generous and you used to always stand up for each other, even though there could have been a bit of competition between you.

📊 career

as I’ve already mentioned above, you most likely have great communication skills and writing abilities. you’re very logical and precise, you’d definitely do well in a field that requires calm and organization. I can also picture you being an amazing teacher or even professor. based on your other placements, you could also do well at literally any creative career! you may be a dancer, a singer, or even something more complex like a creative director. otherwise, you could also be successful as a designer of any kind, an architect, a scientist… something that allows you to be mostly independent, but that can still guarantee you mental stimulation and a decent income, and that also allows you to use your creative venusian energy. I also see you working in the spotlight, you could possibly become a celebrity or at least you may get famous on the internet.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

with your heavy venus presence, I'm sure you're very elegant. even if you're just wearing a sweatshirt with pants, you still manage to make it look so expensive and particular. you may like pastel, light colours, or even earthy shades like kaki, brown etc. you prefer using comfortable clothes, but you definitely know how to dress up when you have to. you might also be very fond of accessories, like jewellery and bags. you may also enjoy buying designer clothes, but even if they're cheaper, you want them to be of a nice quality. you may also enjoy going thrift shopping, as you may like wearing 'timeless' items, such as white shirts, blazers, coats, classic heels... basically, versatile clothes that are a must in your wardrobe, as they've always been trendy. you could also love oversized fits, as well as 80s/90s aesthetic.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, the focus was on your relationships with others. maybe, you had troubles with self-esteem and identity in general and you used to depend on others. you had to work hard and finally understand how to build healthy relationships with others to fulfill your past life purpose. hence, this lifetime your focus will be yourself. even though at first you might feel quite insecure, this lifetime you're here to develop this matter. after all, saturn will give you many lessons in order to transform yourself and grow into a better person.

🤔 major transits analysis / september 14

the sun is currently in virgo, meaning that it's transiting your 5th house conjunct your jupiter and moon conjunction. this is an extremely positive time for you! in fact, having the planet of abundance and luck conjunct the planet of energy means that you're motivated to work hard and achieve your goals! it's the best time to start a diet, a workout routine, study, dive into a new hobby... you're also probably feeling very confident in these days, you feel the need to step out of your comfort-zone.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

your secret skills revolve around finances and just security in general. with a positive attitude, you may attract material luck: money, clothes, houses… everything that you desire. since you’re a logical person, I assume the most efficient way for you to manifest through the LOA is writing! take a notebook and just write down positive affirmations, such as 'I have the car of my dreams’ etc. you may also write them on post-its and glue them around your house, so that you can accelerate the progress. you can also try to idealize your wish before trying to manifest it. for example, if you want a new sweatshirt, try to imagine yourself wearing it. you could also go into a shop and actually try that sweatshirt it on; being in contact with it will boost the law of attraction even more.

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

-libramc xx

[creatingnikki]

Dearest Anirudh,

Is it weird that from the things you mentioned about yourself I see my 20 year old self in you? And I only turned 23 last month so it's not like it's been too long. I'll tell you a silly and apparently meaningless story from a usual day in college.

It was my second year of college and I had a few hours to kill between my lectures and some stupid committee meeting of a college club I was a part of. So I headed to the library and started reading the book I was reading back then - Tell the wolves I'm home by Carol Rifka Brunt. Now, time for some context. I was in a commerce college - one of the best in the country - where everyone was obsessed with becoming a Chartered Accountant. You know how it is. So even though our library had a decent fiction collection, 99.99% people who ever sat there only studied. Either for college exams or for their Chartered Accountancy exam. It was like our college was under an everlasting spell of wanting to clear those exams and get into the big four accounting firms. And when I had started college, I was one of them. However a year after I realized that that wasn't the kind of life I wanted to live so I made the decision to let it go.

So, now I was that girl in college who sat in the library and read fiction. That particular day, there was a girl sitting across me studying. Of course, for Chartered Accountancy exams. And she saw me read my fiction book and asked me which subject was I studying that for. I told her – none. She didn't speak for a minute. She asked me again. So, wait, what subject requires you to read this book? I was like no, this isn't my course material. I am reading it for pleasure. She looked at me with such a shocked face. I wanted to laugh. She told me how I was the first person she had ever seen in the library doing something other than studying for some exam. And just sitting there for leisure. I told her the choices that led me to that. And she smiled and said that not everyone is brave enough and carried on studying. She added me on Facebook later that day though we never spoke again. I hope she's doing well and was brave enough to make whatever choices she truly wanted to. Now, the point of dragging on this story from my past, Anirudh, is that I know that feeling. Of people looking at you and seeing something they don't understand. It would torment me when I was younger. But now it only makes me smile with relief.

As for studying...I'll be the first one to tell you that it's not as important as everyone hypes it up to be. I got 94.6% in my 12th ISC board exams. And a 100/100 in Economics. I was what they called a 'bright' student. But let me tell you this...once I graduated college my marks got me nowhere. At work, nobody quite cares. I'm sure some job roles/industries might be the exception. But honestly, in the "real world" how street smart you are, how effectively you can communicate with people, how creatively you can solve problems and manage unforseen circumstances is what truly matters. And they don't quite teach any of that in school. So, yes, continue sketching and making music because it's only in creating art that you can go on in this insane world.

Love is trust at its purest form.

That statement hit me. How can you say that? Makes me wonder if you've ever been betrayed so badly that you stopped trusting your ability to have faith in people. Probably not. Then again, you perhaps have, and have yet not given up on love. In that case, I respect that. I am still not able to trust again but I try. I trust like 99% but that last 1% just doesn't happen anymore. However, I read this quote in the book Hippie by Paulo Coehlo and it just hit me hard. It went something like...people who trust others trust themselves. Because they know when they are betrayed - and everyone is betrayed - they can take care of themselves and they can be okay. I like that you trust yourself. I hope you always do. You seem like a smart guy who will always have his back and that of those he cares about. That's solid. And the world needs more of that.

About the girl from your college that you loved love, I'm sorry to hear it turned out the way it did. Again, it impresses me how you didn't let that turn you bitter. But that's right. You should just accept it and move on to love other people and other things because the world is wide and life is short and your heart has so much to offer. And as you said, once you've truly loved someone, it's impossible to unlove. Some part of you, in some way, will always love them. No matter how tiny or forgotten.

You lost things you deeply cared about. And that sucks. I'm not going to say otherwise. But again, you remind me of me at 20. That was the year I lost two of my dearest friends. I never have been able to have friendship like that again. It was a depressive phase and I was struggling a lot anyway (making that choice to drop everything I had worked so hard for by ditching Chartered Accountancy and following my confused heart). And instead of helping me out, they abandoned me.

So I went through excruciating pain. But I learned to be there for myself. You have no choice. When no one else is there you learn to be there for yourself. And not just to wipe tears or drag on through life but to make yourself smile and add joy to your life. I started going to self-dates. I started saying sweet things to myself when I looked at the mirror. Or funny things to make me laugh. I started dancing a lot when alone (dance isn't something I've ever been comfortable with but it's such a free expressive state). I started knowing myself. And all of this might sound extremely cliché. And I'm sure you already know all of this. As I said, you seem like a smart person. But I'm saying all of this anyway is because sometimes we need someone, who's been through similar things, to let us know that eventually, we will be okay. And that this isn’t permanent but neither will that. Nothing ever is and I’m still trying to figure out if the impermanence of everything is a blessing or a curse. Either way, it’s a fact.

You're a 20 year old youth and it gets better. It also gets worse in different aspects. But that's what adulting and life is about I think. You experience it in waves.  Easy and hard, beautiful and miserable, loving and lonely. It’s all in waves. And just have to learn to surf. I hope you learn surfing soon. Makes the whole thing exhilarating at least! Also teaches us balance. Like in actual surfing, to stand up on the surf board when in water while balancing your body requires a lot of core strength, to balance all aspects and emotions in life requires core strength too…just of a different kind. And I for one know that you, Anirudh, will find it. You will build it.

All my love,

Nikki

Guys, February is 29 days of love letters. I’m writing love letters, as part of The Love Project, and if you’d like me to write one to you, drop me an email at creating.nikki@gmail.com

I wrote this letter for Anirudh based on some questions he answered. You can read his answers here. 

[myheartrevealed]

I Will Be Here- Epilogue Part Two

You smiled, as your mother worked on a piece of art.

“Tell me more,” she requested quietly.

“Hm?” you mumbled and she looked up from her work.

“About your family.”

You hesitated for a minute. “You mean, about Jack, and Sam, and Cas, and Dean?”

She nodded. “You tell me stories about them, but you’ve never told me what they’re actually like.”

You smiled at the memory. “Well, Cas, you’ve met. He’s… I don’t know. Cas is kind of hard to read. He is an angel. But he’s a kind guy and I respect him more than anything.” She nodded, indicating she was listening. “Sam is… Sam is my best friend. He was immediately kind to me. He let me live in his home when mine was destroyed. He would joke with me and look out for me and��” you trailed off just thinking about him.

You missed him. You missed them all.

“Anyway, Dean is my big brother. He was the first to know about my illness and he took me to the doctor and kept my secret. He was very protective of me and just wanted me to enjoy the rest of my life. He was everything I’d want in an older sibling.”

A beautiful grin spread over her face. These people brought you such happiness. “I didn’t know that. I’m glad you had these boys. And Jack? What was he like?”

You looked down at your hands, unsure what to say. “Jack was… the love of my life. He was everything. He is one of the kindest, most innocent people I ever met. He held movie nights almost every week, made me hot chocolate every morning, tried to have a date night while I was in the hospital… I wish you could have met him mom. I really do.”

“And the two of you met at therapy?”

“Yep,” you confirmed. “There was this therapist… Dr. Myla. She dealt with people who had… Supernatural problems. Well, my father’s a demon and Jack’s was Satan so… we were in a similar boat. He had the appointment right before mine and so he’d come out and sit across from me and talk while he waited for-”

You were cut off when a violent change of scenery knocked you out of focus.

You were suddenly in a large room, lined with stone columns. You whipped around wildly, panicking and desperate to find out where you were and what had happened. You were met with something entirely different. Behind you stood five men.

As you finally came to your senses, you realized they were all looking at you… and you recognized four of them.

Cas stood at the front of the group, an unreadable expression on his face. To his right was Sam and Dean, both shell shocked, with dampening eyes. To his left, was Jack… Your Jack.

Jack held a hand over his mouth, making his expression hard to read, so you tried to tap into his emotions, but it came up blank. He wore and flannel, probably Sam or Dean’s, and large combat boots. That caught you by surprise, because you’d never seen him wear boots. You, however, wore them all the time when you were alive.

This caused you to look down at yourself and find you were wearing something they’d probably never expect to see you in either. You wore a cute white sundress, which was similar to something you wore when you were a kid and had bare feet. You hair was curled delicately around your face.

“Cas… what’s going on?” you stuttered.

That’s when a large grin broke out over his face. “We did it, Y/N. We beat Michael.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will.”

The final response had come from the fifth and final person in the room. One look at him told you everything you needed to know. This… was God himself.

“Yes, it’s me,” he said, exasperatedly. “And no, I’m not going to smite you. In fact, I’m here to reunite you with your friends.”

He gestured to your living family and you followed his line of sight back to the people you loved.

“So, they’re real?” you inquired, boring your eyes into Cas for an answer. “They’re all real? And alive?”

His smile didn’t waver and you had your answer. You took a long moment to just stare at them, disbelief and the purest of joy washing over you. Sam and Dean, who hadn’t changed a bit, still gaped at you with awe and tears in their eyes. And Jack…

Your feet started to move forward on their own accord and apparently his did too, because the two of you met in the middle of the room, your arms wrapping around his neck as he held you against him.

You closed your eyes, just taking in the feeling of being with him again. You didn’t think you’d get the chance to see Jack ever again, much less alive and well. You could feel him shudder in the hug and you had no doubt that he had started to cry. You would have too, had you still been alive, but death had really put you at ease. Seeing him meant the world to you and you wouldn’t ruin the moment by sobbing through it.

You could hear Dean mumble something to Cas as you stood there in Jack’s arms.

“So I was right? You have been visiting Y/N in heaven?”

You felt his arms loosen and you pulled away, turning to Dean. “Yes. Castiel bought my soul and took me to heaven when I died. And… he’s been keeping me updated.”

“On what?” Sam interceded.

“Sam,” you breathed out and jumped into his arms as well. You had missed him so much.

“Hey Y/N,” he responded, holding you tightly.

You let go and did the same for Dean, hugging him with all the emotions you had built up after being separated for so long.

“Dean.”

“Hey kiddo.” He rubbed your back soothingly and you wished this moment would last forever. Being here with the boys once again. Your family. Your home.

Someone cleared their throat and the whole group turned their gazes onto God. He shrugged. “Sorry guys, but could you hurry it up?”

Sam shook his head. “Don’t listen to Chuck. What did Cas keep you updated about?”

You smiled. “Your progress on finding Michael. And… how you were coping with my death.”

“Badly,” Dean confirmed. “We handled it badly.”

“I heard.”

There was a moment of hesitance shared by everyone in the room.

“But that doesn’t matter now,” Jack spoke up from behind you, “because you’re back, aren’t you?”

Your eyes widened at the thought and you snapped to look at Castiel, but he only shrugged.

“Don’t look at me. I’m not the one who brought you down to Earth.”

Everybody turned to God once again and he sighed.

“Alright, guys I think it’s time to get to the reason I’ve assembled you all-” he started, but Dean cut him off.

“Is Y/N staying on Earth, or not?” he insisted.

God shrugged again. “That’s her choice.”

You were confused as to what he meant. Slowly, the group of you moved to face Chuck fully as he got to his point. Jack moved to your side, taking your hand and squeezing tight, afraid you would slip from his grasp any moment just as you had before. Dean took to stand on your other side.

“Now then, I understand you guys went through a lot, not only trying to stop Michael, but throughout your lives. And, as a token of my gratitude, for saving my creations on many occasions, I’m offering each of you a gift. I will do anything you ask for, that is within my power. Y/N, that includes bringing you back to life, should you choose it.”

You nodded, but quickly put your head down, so that no one could read your thoughts.

“Sam,” Chuck said, moving onto the beginning of your line. “You’re first. What would you like?”

Sam did not hesitate. “I would like hunters to be guaranteed a spot in heaven. There are too many who sell their souls, ruin their lives, and then go to hell or become ghosts after being gruesomely murdered and that’s not their fault. Hunters do enough for the world as it is. At least give them a happy ending. Hell, the only reason Y/N got into Heaven is because Cas bought her soul. That’s not right.”

God merely nodded. “I understand. Castiel?”

Cas looked to his father with determination blazing in his eyes, “I would like to be name the sole Guardian of Heaven, with the power to let people come and go as I please.”

God simply turned to the next. “Dean?”

Dean chuckled bitterly. “You know what I want. I want out. Sam and Cas and I… we’re getting too old for this job. I want to move on from hunting… I want to have a life.”

Chuck hesitated. “That’s all your own choice Dean. I can find you a house to live in, give you a family, a normal job, whatever, but I can’t guarantee you’ll stay out of the life. That’s all you.”

Dean nodded. “Then I don’t want your charity.”

It was your turn. You looked up, having thought about it for a while and said, “I want all the children like me, the cambion, to be free of their ancestral burden.”

You could feel everyone in the group turn to you with sad eyes, realizing you weren’t going to fight to stay on earth with them, but you continued on.

“I want their visions to stop if they’re having them. I want them protected from their demonic parent. And I want them to have a way to find one another if they need support. Because I know that me, Jesse, Kim, and David would have killed to know there were others like us when we were kids.”

Chuck agreed to the request. “I can do that. And finally, Jack Kline. The Nephilim. What would you like?”

Jack locked eyes with you, holding your gaze, then turned to God. “I would like to be aloud to join Y/N in a heaven of our own. A place where I can be with Y/N once again and we can live together-” He squeezed your hand, gently. “-like I always dreamed.”

He nodded and stepped back. “Well then, I’ll give all you time to say your goodbyes, before sending Jack and Y/N on their way,” and then he was gone.

Dean didn’t waste a second, spinning you around and pulling you to him once again.

“You’re leaving again? But we just got you back.”

You sighed against his chest and he lifted a hand to wipe away a few tears.

“I’m sorry, but I…” you trailed of helplessly.

He pulled away and looked you square in the eyes. “Y/N,” he said. “I understand.”

“And don’t worry,” Cas interrupted, coming around Dean’s side. “This isn’t the last you’ll see of them.”

You both turned to him, confused. He smiled.

“Well, as the new Guardian of Heaven, I do control who comes in and out, living or dead. I think I can manage occasional visits.”

A grin crossed Dean’s face. “I guess I’ll be seeing you later, kiddo.” He kissed your forehead. “And you,” he continued, stepping around you to talk to Jack.

You would have listened to their conversation, but you knew you were on a time crunch and so you faced Sam.

“Hiya Sammy.”

He smiled. “Hiya Y/N. It was… so refreshing to see you again.”

You laughed. “You too. You have no idea how much I missed you.”

“No more than I missed you.”

You quickly said your goodbyes and he moved on to talk to Jack.

You beamed at Cas. “It all turned out okay, didn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I think it did. You’ll be okay in Heaven? With Jack?”

“Very much so.”

Chuck appeared again a minute later. You ran over and grabbed Jack’s hand, ready to go back to heaven. You were so excited for him to meet your mother and have the perfect life you two always dreamed of.

“Okay guys,” Chuck said. “Ready to go?”

His eyes held yours, giving all the love and reassurance you needed to move forward, before confidently nodding.

He smiled and a minute later, you were in Heaven. You noticed it wasn’t your usual place, but didn’t spend time looking around, because in front of you stood your mother, she had a kind look on her face as she looked between you and Jack. Next to her was another woman, who you had never seen before. But, it didn’t take you long to figure it out.

“Mom!” Jack gasped.

This was it. Your perfect reality. Years spent running and fighting for this very moment. Years homeless and lost, then finding a family, only to lose it, then reuniting again. This is exactly why you survived through every burden that dragged your smile or tear that streaked your face. This, right here, was your purpose. What you cherished more than your own life. Love. A family. A home. You finally obtained true peace. And for eternity you would continue to rest easy, knowing that the people you loved would never leave your side again.

[sweetandsavageautistic]

Ready to lose more brain cells, biatches?

People with autism are oblivious when you enter their personal bubble #CMAT344

People with autism are so pure and misunderstood. Having a brother with autism opened my eyes to a lot. I love him so much

i hate how people are so mean to autistic children and people. people with autism are the most kind and loving people you will ever meet. theyre so pure and will love you no matter what. theyre the golden people on this earth.

my heart, people with autism are honestly so pure

People with autism are so pure and misunderstood. Having a brother with autism opened my eyes to a lot.

Autism is not a disease. People with Austim are highly in tune into the spiritual world. They travel the cosmos.

That article also disparages GLBT people. Utter lie, people with autism and low IQ are likely too be spiritual warriors not demons.

I'm sorry but I cannot be friends with people who make fun of kids with down syndrome, autism, etc. There is no need to make fun of people who are pure and so kind hearted towards others. They're human too.

Children and adults with autism are some of the most pure and kind people out there. The stigma around autism has to stop and we here at S.E.E.K. hope to help start that movement. #SentamentalSundays

All of this bugs me, BUT what bugs me most is “vaccines cause autism”. What a hateful disgusting thing. As if to say people who have autism are undesirable. Autism may be a disability but individuals with autism are some of the kindest souls. Too pure for this hate and ignorance

100% YES! If you know a kid with Autism, feel lucky because they are nothing but pure LOVE!!  I worry about my sweet Braiden because of the cruel people in this world..

People with autism are our teachers of freedom, of pure love. #supersouls #autism

We have a lot of friends with #Autism. They are wonderful people with pure loving hearts! True angels.. <3

To me people with autism are true angels on this earth they are just pure and true

People with autism are nothing short of angels and more people desperately need to see that. If you know someone who uses ‘autistic’ as an insult, go set tht crusty mother fucker straight

bro i’m fucking crying. what the hell is wrong with people. these kids are angels  ugh i’m so sad. i have an angel with autism in my life and he couldn’t be more perfect. i’m so mad right now

there’s a special place in hell for this officer. people with autism are literal angels that don’t deserve any pain or harm. ever. this is unacceptable and i’m so fucking mad right now. I’m convinced that people born with an autism spectrum disorder are really just angels sent to teach us the beauty and simplicity of the gift of life.

I work with people with autism this is great. Treat them properly and they sure are angels.

people are so sick these days... DO NOT mess with a human that has autism! they are gods angels. that is so sick.

I think people with down syndrome autism and special needs are like angels they see the best in people and are the kindest people I've met.

I’ve always believed, those born with a disability like autism, schizophrenia the like, are spirits of a higher realm and to experience an earthly experience, they choose the most challenging lives to live. These people are of a higher intelligence and with that, big challenges.

Kids with autism are the purest form of innocence, they are a true blessing to any household

#JosephOfCupertino, d Patron Saint of those with autism, is 1 of my favorite saints; not Bcause 1 ofmyGrandsons has #Autism but Bcause of his childlike innocence & humility (traits of autism) I love this old movie https://goo.gl/U8i2NP  humorously-insightful, suited 4 all ages

@Atypical one of my new favorite shows! The amount of love and innocence and beauty within the relationships in the show depicts really well what life is actually like when you know someone with autism. And damn is it beautiful.

(about a video of someone with down syndrome)

The innocence of people with autism is beautiful

I work with autistic kids and people need to realise that people with autism are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet with a unique sort of innocence.

I find people with Autism to be the cutest things on God’s earth and idk why . The innocence they have about them

Just watched #ForrestGump for the first time in ages, it’s such a #beautiful #film, funny, full of history, fantastic soundtrack and heartbreaking. @tomhanks you are incredible, you seem to capture the beauty and innocence in #autism perfectly (pretty sure there’s nothing that states that Forrest Gump is autistic, though)

Its really sad how people treat people with Autism like they are Less...... they define love.. they have the most beautiful hearts and their innocence is just something wonderful..

We learn so many good things, values from those w/ disABILITY. They're GORGEOUS and BEAUTIFUL on the inside - they have a big HEART, humble, always have that childlike innocence. My grandson w/autism refused to kick in his self-defense class which was paid in full & dropped out.

Oh them eyes xxxx love autism for its innocence darling x

Autism - the keepers of innocence?

Some of the most pure-hearted, loving, intelligent individuals I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, have autism. There is such an innocence exuded that makes me smile inside and outside. They have such gentle, honest hearts, and bring so much joy to everyone around them.

autisum is how everybody should see the world sometimes through innocence and sometimes through truth xxx

Although people with Autism are VERY intelligent, sometimes when people flirt with them, they don’t know what’s happening, which shows their VERY Beautiful innocence at the same time. Just like Shaun was unaware that he was being flirted with. #TheGoodDoctor

Bless him, I love the innocence of autism, Could totally relate to the story as I’m sure you can too.. the world has a lot of hurtful and ignorant people it, nothing more hurtful than seeing your child being left out even if he/she can’t see it themselves

IMO A person should NOT ask a person with Autism to lie. It kills or can kill that Beautiful innocence that's within them. #TheGoodDoctor

We can all learn from the beauty &innocence disseminated from children with Autism. We learn more about life&others through active listening

Hey, you know what’s one word I haven’t looked up in terms of us autistics/disabled people? Trusting.

Special needs people are so trusting, it's scary. Like someone living with Autism will just come and give you a hug.. Just because. So sweet.

People living with autism are always babies at heart and very trusting. So when you abuse any of them, God will punish you. (What the fuck?)

i’m just upset that so many people think autism is the absolute worst thing that can happen to a child. children with autism are amazing and loving and sweet and should be treated like princes and princesses thx

I love people with autism they're so cute and friendly

music is being used to treat autismClinicians in Detroit have seen that for people with autism, music speaks louder than words – and improvised music can help them express emotion effectively, having a nonverbal discussion through music, these are musically naive children.

literally just called me autistic? People with autism are the happiest, most loving and innocent people. You need to stop using people’s disorders as “negative mean name calling”. Lastly go fuck yourself.

These stories are always so heartwarming! Arkansas cops, firefighters surprise teen with #autism at birthday party after only 3 people attend.

Love these heartwarming stories displaying the struggle people with Autism face every day until communities are willing to step in and help support people with Autism! Thank you @DavidMuir for bringing this to your news!

people with autism are really heartwarming people :)

People with autism are so blessed

I wanna give bless to the people and children with autism that are trying to get cure from eating gluten free foods and taking probiotic pills everyday and I will try my best to do everything that I can workout for my family and friends. #AutismAwarenessDay #LightItUpBlue #Autism – at Walt Disney World Resort

As a Mom of a Son with Autism, this warms my heart  so very much that POTUS is shining a light on people on the Spectrum. Bless him!  People with Autism do not have a disability they have a DIFFEREABILITY, they are simply a little different to others in a good way

(is this a try-not-to-cringe challenge? I think I lost.)

Autism is not a disability, it’s a different ability , amazing kid

Many of you are referring to children in the spectrum as light workers. What light has a child with #autism brought into your life?

I don't believe autism is a 'disorder', I believe these people are Light Workers here to awaken us to More beyond.

They say those with autism have a unique way of communicating that average humans do not understand but beings on a higher level will

people with autism are like higher beings. Theyre bodies are here but their consciousness is on another plain

People with Autism Can Engage in Physical Exercises Too Although people with autism are fragile, they can still engage in physical activities.

People with #autism are fragile.

They are the lonely angels. They embrace a colorful world. An art exhibition in Beijing explores the hidden world of autistic people. There are over 12 million people living with autism in China. Know them and care for them.

Ellen, you are an AMAZING ADVOCATE of people in need, children in the autism spectrum are bullied and schools, families need to be reeducate with corrective steps to STOP this, we need mentors that can ASSIST to a better LIFE for this ANGELS. Awareness is not enough!

''People with Autism are angels who lost there way to Heaven and fell down to Earth.'' #autism #aspergers #ASD #autismawareness #autism

I love all of the angels that are among us...especially people with Asperger's, Autism, & Down's Syndrome. Sending love!

People with Autism are Angels in disguise on Earth. #WorldAutismAwarenessDay

We have a lot of friends with #Autism. They are wonderful people with pure loving hearts! True angels.. <3

Do you know what Autism is? — I do! People with Autism are special angels! Its not a down to life, just a reason…

I think people with down syndrome autism and special needs are like angels they see the best in people and are the kindest people I've met.

Kids with Autism are magic! They change lives, bring people together. Show us how special life is. Help us to accept. Angels .

Aw, people with autism are little angels

@Marlyy33 People with autism are the key to unconditional love! Congrats on being the mom of an angel! :)

RESPECT people who are different from you! This includes people with special needs (like autism). Special needs people are God's angels!

happy autism awareness acceptance month! ppl with autism are the most precious people ever and we don't deserve them

Advantage of People with Disabilities: Innocence

people with disabilities doesn't define who they are only shows the innocence and true nature of happiness. RT if you agree

Watching this documentary about people with autism and wow, these people are truly inspirational, really makes you think

[nintendobiitch]

ALL THE 80’S MOVIE ASKS DO EM ALL

OMG BABE TSYM

And @adora-milaje thank you for asking toooo my bud I’ll just put all the answers here :)

Bill and ted’s excellent adventure: Are you more of an optimist or pessimist?

More of an optimist I think! Like, I’m not wholly irrational, I don’t completely inflate my expectations, but I also can’t help looking forward to stuff or just hoping that it goes well. I find the idea of constantly expecting the worst just super depressing. Like yeah you’re technically “never disappointed” but you also don’t get the excitement of anticipation? I dunno.

Back to the future: Which decade in the last century would you most have liked to live in?

I mean tbh as far as basic civil rights go the 20th Century was largely a catastrophe but purely for fashion/film/music purposes I would rock the 1980s.

The breakfast club: Which high school stereotype do you fit into best?

UMMM I have no idea tbh. Like, nerd but a nerd who’s bad at maths? Idk.

Ferris bueller’s day off: What’s your guilty pleasure?

There’s this one coffee shop that I practically live in, like well enough that I know the owner now, and it’s not exactly a “guilty” pleasure but I’ve definitely spent far more money there than I should have haha

Footloose: Who did you last dance with?

When I went clubbing with a bunch of friends to celebrate the end of exams! So my future housemate Becky and a bunch of my other close friends :)

The goonies: What was the last thing to make you laugh?

Just 20 minutes ago I was laughing at my friend James while we played Portal 2 co-op. He died. He died so much.

The outsiders: Why is your best friend your best friend?

OH MAN this is so hard cause like, there are multiple people I’d consider my best friends. My friend Lizzie I’ve known since I was two, she’s so easy to talk to, she cheers me up no matter what, I just feel completely comfortable in her company. My friend Nat I met this year at uni and we have so many similar interests, she’s one of the coolest, funniest people I’ve ever met and we just clicked super quickly. My friend Lucia has been with me through so much difficult shit, she cares so much for me and it’s so lovely. My friend Cosi I can go without seeing for a year and then feel like no time has passed when we next speak.

The lost boys: Would you rather be immortal or objectively beautiful to everyone?

Objectively beautiful??? I’m vain as hell and I think immortality is more of a curse than a blessing tbh

Labyrinth: What’s the relationship with your siblings like?

Great! I love my little brother so much. He’s a dumbass but he’s my dumbass, and really surprisingly respectful for a 14 year old boy. He’s my person to yell about nintendo stuff to, it’s awesome.

The karate kid: When did you last have to work really hard to achieve something you’re proud of?

One of the things I’m most proud of recently is getting my Camp America placement! I had to do three interviews and fill out a huge application, and it’s for a job that is literally a dream come true for me, so I’m super happy I got it! Only two weeks until I head out to New Hampshire now!!

Stand by me: Why did you last go on a road trip?

I really haven’t been on that many road trips tbh. You can drive the length of England in like less than a day. I guess technically the last thing was when I drove back up to uni after the Easter holidays haha

Pretty in pink: What’s your signature ‘look’?

I Do Not Have One hahaha. I swap between styles pretty much constantly. I have an insane number of button up shirts so I’m either high-key flannel lesbian or quite feminine skirt/dress type clothes, totally depends on my mood. I guess the most “signature” thing I own is my dungarees? I wear them a looooot.

Drugstore cowboy: Which historical figure most spikes your interest?

Bruh I’m a history student this is a dangerous question hahaha. Big fan of ALL the Russian tsars, especially Catherine the Great, and Nicholas I. Also love a bit of Otto von Bismarck. Charles II was a mad lad and I love him for it. James I was gay as shit and I respect that. And who doesn’t love Louis XIV? The Viking leader Guthrum was pretty snazzy too y’know I respect him. I really could keep going hahaha.

Ghostbusters: Where were you when you watched your favourite movie for the first time?

Bold of you to assume I have just one favourite movie lol. The one that comes to mind though is when I first watched Inception at my friend Lizzie’s house! Fuckin love that movie so much.

Sixteen candles: At which age do you consider a person to be mature?

Totally depends on the person, and also what you mean by mature. Like anywhere from sort of 15-18 you can start talking to someone like an adult, people start forming more personal/informed opinions about the world, making decisions about their future, but they’re also still children in so many ways. I was dumb as shit at 15 but I also really wasn’t a baby anymore either. It’s a weird age period.

Dirty dancing: Where were you when you first heard your favourite song?

OOOH again, favourite song SINGULAR? One of the songs I treasure the most (Disloyal Order/FOB) I was in the kitchen doing my art coursework, this huge intricate batik thing, and it was the first time I listened to folie a deux and I totally lost focus on my art, I just sat there drinking in this song, every word felt so perfect, ugh I love it

Better off dead: Why did you last laugh so hard it reduced you to tears?

SO I was drunk off my ass, a group of us had gone for cocktails, and my friend Nat showed me that meme of pitbull stretched really big that’s just captured “mr wide” and I lost my SHIT, literally laughed for ten straight minutes, tears streaming down my face, it was the purest joy I’ve ever felt haha

Heathers: Did you apologise the last time you were unreasonably mean?

Yes? I think so. Hard to pinpoint the last time I was mean to someone for no reason, but I tend to feel guilty very quickly and I already say sorry every third word so...

Parenthood: Is there anyone you’re not biologically related to that you consider ‘family’?

I’ve name dropped her a lot already but my friend Lizzie is basically my sister haha. My friend Freya has been calling herself my sister for six years and she pretty much is by now too.

Permanent record: Where were you the last time you told someone you loved them?

I was in right here in bed, texting my girlfriend Maya haha. I guess the last time I said it to someone’s face was last Saturday before she left to go back home, and that was outside her block.

St. Elmo’s fire: What’s one piece advice you would give to someone two years younger than yourself?

A) You are not a grown-up yet, please go easy on yourself you still have so so much growing to do! B) You don’t have to know your passion yet, you don’t have to figure out your whole life at sixteen. There are a lot of things you don’t have control over right now and that’s frustrating and shitty but believe me it gets so much better. Hang in there.

Dangerous liaisons: Which language would you most like to learn?

French or Greek! French because I studied for-fucking-ever but I never got close to fluent (admittedly because I’m impatient as hell haha) and Greek because it’s the language my dad speaks and I wish he’d taught me when I was younger!

Rumble fish: Who do you look to for guidance in times of need?

My mum! I’ve always been able to go to her for help and advice which has been really great, although certainly more recently there’ve been times I’ve rather asked my close friends for comfort too.

E.T.: What’s one ‘weird’ feature that you love about yourself?

Nothing particularly quirky or different about me. My eyes are different colours which I’ve always thought was pretty cool!

Young guns: What’s one style that you love on others, but would never try yourself?

Literally EVERYTHING my girlfriend wears oh my god she is a fashion queen and I’m so shook every time I see her. She fucking rocks fishnet tights and idk if I’m feeling that look for myself but she looks AMAZING.

Oxford blues: Why did you last pretend to be something you’re not?

I guess the last time I was really pretending to be someone was before I came out to my parents. It never felt like a big deal until I came to uni and actually had the chance to express myself and feel comfortable doing it, then it felt like I was constantly lying to them.

Dead poet’s society: The last time you made a decision that everyone around you told you not to make, how did it work out?

Surprisingly, I’ve not done anything stupid enough recently for people to all tell me it’s a bad idea? Huh.

[karolinadariaflora-blog]

On this winter night, sitting by the fireplace, I feel like sharing some more thoughts, cause I’ll be gone for a while, and had never been good at answering questions I get on here or at any digital contact whatsoever… Anyways, it’s been some time, cause already in 2013, after having met Bianca Casady, cross-disciplinary artist of music duo CocoRosie, I gave an extensive interview that, along with my photos, was published in the second issue of the magazine Girls Against God, that she created in partnership with artist Anne Sherwood-Pundyk. If I was to answer these questions now, 4 years later, many of them would have been answered differently, some using less, other more words. But even after all the time that had passed since, these words will still put some landmarks in the landscapes I portray and invite you to travel through with me. Thank you everyone for joining me on this journey, with love,

K.

’’The second issue of GAG—a pocket book of practical magic—investigates and celebrates spiritual healing, instinctually tying together the earth and women’s bodies. Through essays, fiction, poetry, interviews and spells GAG Issue 2 delves into the roots of occult earth wisdom passed through generations of women against persecution and patriarchy. A boldly feminist exploration and multi-generational endeavour, GAG deploys the arts to illuminate the oppressive, obsolete nature of traditional, male-defined religions and other patriarchal institutions—“We must resist and reinvent,” Casady declares.’’

GAG kicked off at the 9th Annual New York Art Book Fair in 2014. You can still get a copy of it here 

Who are the people in your photographs?

Karolina: These are different aspects of the feminine energy, taking form and telling stories. They are archetypes, and each figure bears a lot of symbolism for the viewer to decipher. Even if I portray a man, he represents a more intuitive, heart-centered, feminine part of himself. These personas understand the language of the birds, can see the eighth color of the light spectrum, they lived through snake bites, and they all well remember their star origins. Very often these photographs are my auto-portraits in a way. Each silhouette walking away, seen from behind, represents my nomadic urge to follow the setting sun, to always be free, to always stay on that self-rememebering journey.

The figures in the photographs seem to all belong to the same utopian world. They look like members of some imaginary nature tribe. Can you tell us something about these figures and the landscape they move in?

K.: They are Healers, Shamans, Cosmic Dancers, Weavers of Magical Realities, Wise Men, High Priests and Priestesses, Keepers of Divine Knowledge, Goddesses. They are all Free Spirits and they all live here. It is the reality where you can manifest your dreams instantly, with no fear, where looking inside the dark, spiralling vortex expands the consciousness. I let my spirit travel on its waves and it takes me to the center of the Galaxy. I know I cannot take anyone with me, it’s a solitary journey, it leads to the heart, but I can bring back some things here, and so I do. The most amazing things happen when I meet souls who have been where I’ve been too, or when I explore universes that are the core of their hearts. When we find each other, the recognition on a soul level is immediate. I feel thats’s why people  share their worlds through art — when they find members of their star families, everything falls into place.

Is there some ritual or folklore you think our materialistic and secular culture is missing?

K.: Yes, there are two. One of them is opening all indigenous sacred ceremonies. Connecting your heart with the heart of Mother Earth and Father Sky is one of the most beautiful and important meditations. When the love it creates fills you, a very unique vibration enters into your spirit. Then you can feel the immense love for yourself, remember who you really are, and finally enter your heart. No meditation and no ritual can be performed properly without first  establishing that connection. It’s called the Unity Breath. Just by practicing it, the most unthinkable miracles have happened in my life — images from my heart became real in no time. Another thing would be if more people became aware of the real potential of the sexual energy they carry (that Egyptian Tantra speaks about, for example.) It’s been long forgotten, neglected by the churches that did not want people to use it. It is based on the electro-magnetic charges feminine and masculine energies possess (not genders.) Feminine energy is magnetic and masculine energy is electrical. The exchange happens on the atomic level, creating a frequency that opens consciousness to higher realms. Everything can be brought into existence from that connection, but the base of it has to be love, always.

Is there a division between art and life for you?

K.: For me there is no such a separation, and I just can not live in any other manner. But actually, my life contains more beauty and magic than any creation of mine will ever bear. Before I started documenting these things that happen to me, I’ve been making stuff and living like this for years, not calling myself an artist, it’s just a record of my life. It is up to the viewer to determine what is art. Nature and all that’s beyond it in the universe is the pure, real art that no art gallery, theater or museum will ever be able to host because our own, unique experience makes it the most special art for us. Maybe only music gets close to the mystery of it all.

How did you feel about making a show in an independent art space, can you tell us something about that experience?

K.: I never thought of making an art show, I just enjoy the creation process, grounding me in the present moment. What happens with it all afterwards does not interest me much, but because I was invited to make a show that would  be followed by a week of my crystal healing sessions, I prepared a good healing space to perform it in. I thought that was a good idea. It was marvellous to meet so many beings in the heart center, and see their light and beauty during that week. The event itself was a four hour lecture on all these dimensions I communicate with, which was more typical for a traditional show.

Can you tell us something about your process? What inspires you? Do you speak to angels? Do they influence your creations?

K.: Usually I just feel like there are some things that are suspended somewhere there, waiting for someone to tune in and bring them to manifestation, so I am more a channel for things to take form through me than a creator. I know it could have been anyone, but it happened to me. Of course I get very inspired by the indigenous nations of different cultures, tribes who follow and respect the rhythms of the cosmos. Though the most profound inspiration are the moments of unity with all existence that bring me to an experience of eternity and purest love that I believe is the essence of each atom. I don’t have verbal contact with angels, but I see them as light orbs of different colors of light spectrum and beyond, and there certainly is a communication with worlds within, without, above and below. Spirits of nature, fauna and flora, minerals and these angelic entities show me around, explaining how things work. That is a communication based on a deep trust — listening that is hearing, looking that is seeing and feeling that is knowing.

Did you go to school? How did you educate yourself?

K.: I think that more useful for me was unschooling. I received a very strict, Polish education that kills individuality. After that I needed to erase from my head a lot of harmful data, but along the way I taught myself about everything just by observation of this reality and realities beyond the visible, sense-perceptible world. For example, all my knowledge about mathematics, astrophysics, or any new language I learn is just a download, without much of the learning process. And I have no idea about how to use sewing machines, weaving techniques, cameras, computers, mathematical formulas, grammar of languages I speak. I just get it and do it.

What’s your relationship to possessions and how does this express itself in things you create?

K.: I don’t normally feel attachment to my belongings or things I have created. The Universe knows about it, so my possessions often get consumed by different elements, or just disappear or reappear in the most bizarre circumstances. I often leave things behind or give them away. It’s good feeling to free yourself from objects; it gives more space for your self. Actually, just recently I worked in the forest for many hours, weaving on the looms I made on the flat tree trunks that were cut down. I left all my weavings there for them to experience the cycle of the seasons, growth and death, and just to be. It cheered up the forest too.

What personal dreams do you have for the future?

K.: I don’t know much about the future, I only want to stay happy and live from my heart, no matter the circumstances. I could be of better service to others. But maybe I will learn the language of some exotic birds and plants and fill my life with more of dance and music, rather than with this meticulous handwork, which taught me about the dimension of time.

Are you a witch?

K.: I use healing plants, communicate with animals, and have always had some cats. I’ve seen my thoughts manifest in front of me. I have healed myself from some serious stuff as a kid, heal others when I’m allowed. I have expanded vision, I follow the moon cycles. I live the magic, I make magic, I am magic.

[bucky-fvcking-barnes]

Reasons [Bucky Barnes x Reader] Oneshot

Reasons: In which Bucky tries to rationalize with himself that there are so many reasons to protect you from him.

Words: 1933

Warnings: Idk, self-criticism, language, brief mentions of panic attacks, and fluff(?) that hopefully makes up for it.

A/N: I need to learn how to write summaries. This is my first piece that I’m posting so please give me feedback!! I hope this doesn’t disappoint :) Also, if you’d like to give me the honor of writing from one of your ideas, please do not hesitate to leave a request. Xx, Kaitlyn.

P.S.: This oneshot is based on this beautiful post! X.

Bucky couldn’t help but admire you as you stood on your front steps, looking as beautiful as ever. The sun was starting to go down, painting the sky with streaks of gold and orange and crimson, but he wasn’t paying attention to the sunset because he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. It was the middle of fall, but it was hot as hell, and there was a voice in the back of his mind asking him why in the name of God he had chosen to wear a long-sleeved shirt and a leather jacket today.

You, on the other hand, had opted for something much more appropriate; the yellow sundress you wore was the same color as the bouquet of sunflowers Bucky had bought you earlier that day, and it made Bucky realize why so many people said yellow was a happy color. It might just be the fact that you wore it that made him love it so much, though.

To an onlooker, you two couldn’t look more different. You with your sundress and your hair that blew in the breeze like you were hiding a fan somewhere to make you look picture perfect, and him with his jeans and his leather jacket and hair that desperately looked like it needed a haircut. You two looked like a cliché “you would never think they’d be together” couple.

Bucky was pulled out of his thoughts when you stepped closer to him, your hand resting on his arm as your lips curled up into the most gorgeous smile he’d ever seen.

“I had a really great time today.”

The sound of your voice made his stomach fill with butterflies, and he wondered when he turned into a schoolboy again. But, wait, he’d never gotten this flustered around girls as a schoolboy… It was only with you. He was just about to agree with your statement when you started to lean closer to him, your eyelashes fluttering against your cheeks when your eyes fell shut. His heart almost stopped and he began to panic, his mind starting to reel with a frenzy of thoughts.

He hadn’t kissed you yet, despite the fact that you two had been dating for months. He needed to go slow, and you understood that. He didn’t want to get himself too attached to you for fear that he would get his heart broken, but more than that, he didn’t want to break your heart. He didn’t deserve you. He just wanted to make things easiest for when you, inevitably, he presumed, decided that you couldn’t handle it anymore.

But you had no intention of ever doing that.

So now, looking at you leaning close to him with your eyes closed and waiting for him to finally let his lips find yours, all he could do was think about the small leather-bound notebook that was hidden away in the back of the drawer of his bedside table, filled with writing about numerous things. The most recent pages, however, he’d written with you in mind, and he could almost see the chicken-scratched words in front of him like headlines on a newspaper.

Reasons not to kiss her:

1. This sort of love is not allowed. You are both too soft, and the world around you is all knives and chipped teeth.

Bucky was hardly soft, but when he was with you, he definitely let his walls down. He couldn’t help this. You made him feel safer than he ever had in his entire life. You were safer than any walls he had ever built, and thank god because when you came into his life it was like you were stones hurled full force at the glass surrounding his heart. He let you in in ways that he had never expected to do with anybody. But he couldn’t bear the thought of one day having his guard down and having something awful happen to you. He knew how cruel the world was, and all he wanted to do was protect you from it.

2. No one ever taught you how to love. Your war paint and scarred hands could never hold her like she deserves.

You know the few moments just after you wake up and it feels like you’re floating? When you’re in this state that’s between dreams and reality, and you can just be without having to worry about anything that’s happening? Bucky hardly had any of those moments anymore, what with all of his nightmares that burdened him, reminding him constantly of what he had done. You always reminded him that he didn’t do it. But he knew that wasn’t true. It was him. His body. His hands. Maybe not his mind, but it was him. You did not deserve the kind of person that everyone was afraid of. You deserved someone who could hold you in soft arms. Even when he did have those ‘in between’ moments in the mornings, they didn’t last long, because he would pull himself out of bed and you would be the first thing that came to his mind when he saw himself in the mirror; he was a monster who didn’t deserve to hold the sweet girl that loved him so fully that he couldn’t help but feel guilty. That’s how he ended up punching his mirror, and how Steve had to tend to his wounded hand at four thirty on a Tuesday morning while simultaneously trying to prevent Bucky from having a panic attack.

3. No one has ever loved you this full surely you would drown in it all.

Bucky thought of this reason as he tried not to wince while Steve used an alcohol-soaked cotton ball to clean the cuts on his flesh hand. You loved him so fucking much, so much more than he had ever had the privilege to feel, and it overwhelmed him sometimes. And he felt guilty, so fucking guilty, because why was he feeling negatively about the fact that you loved him? He couldn’t help it. He wasn’t very good with emotions, so being with someone who was so full of them and expressed them in their purest and fullest forms sometimes made him unable to breathe. He didn’t know how to handle it, and that made him feel even more guilty. You shouldn’t have to calm him down while you express your love for him.

4. She belongs in a museum, and you are merely here to gaze. Look around you, all the signs scream ‘do not touch.’

This one came to Bucky after you dragged him to a museum. He didn’t want to go, because he joked that he didn’t want to see things from the 40s that made him feel old and like he had a place in the stupid museum where children and parents alike could gawk all they wanted. The thought was wiped from his mind when he saw you standing among the paintings and sculptures looking more beautiful than anything that was on display. It wasn’t him that should be in the museum–it was you. You were gorgeous and pure and delicate and surely he could break you just as easily as the stupid blue ceramic vase that had one of those ‘do not touch the art’ signs in front of it. His place was only to gaze upon you and your beauty. You were a masterpiece that needed to be guarded from harsh wandering hands.

5. She touches you like you’re fragile, and if you break you won’t be able to put yourself together again.

Despite how fragile you were, you treated him delicately, too. You knew that in contrast to Bucky’s hard exterior, he was fragile and needed your help sometimes. Bucky had a lot he had to deal with, to put it lightly, and you tried to do your best to support him through it. Bucky appreciated it, of course, because he knew more than anyone else that it was a day-to-day struggle with the fact that he was only one thread away from breaking at any point, and the threat of that thread snapping was terrifying for him. He feared that he’d be gone for good if he were to break like that, and that he’d be an unstable mess of a man that couldn’t fix himself.

6. She is all bubble gum skies and ChapStick kisses, and you cannot watch the love run out of another person’s eyes.

Every time you touched him or whispered soothing words into his ear, he felt a mix of adoration and love and guilt. You were one of the purest people on this earth, he was sure of it, and he could not be the person to ruin you. He would never be able to live with himself if he knew that he was the reason that the light faded from your eyes. Bucky loved that light so much, it made his heart swell with joy, and when you smiled he swore to himself he would never let anything hurt you. Especially himself.

7. If you jump, she might catch you, and then you’d have to watch as she tumbled through the dark.

You constantly swore that you would stand by his side no matter what, and he couldn’t decide how to feel about that. Of course it thrilled him to have someone who loved and cared for him so deeply, but it also scared him to his core. What if one day you followed him too far into the dark and he was the reason you were falling into the bottomless hole that was his life? What if he couldn’t pull you back out because he was already in so much deeper than you were, and all he could do was watch helplessly as you fell, too?

8. Her gaze is too gentle. You will not be the one to tell her that not everything can be fixed with a smile.

You two were like opposing forces. You were honey and warm breezes and you would never hurt a fly. Bucky was barbed wire and smoke and he had a death count that was more than he’d care to think about. He would protect you with his life, because he never wanted anything to taint the pureness and beauty you possessed.

9. She is so good. She is so good, and you cannot ruin one more good thing.

He would protect you with his life, but could he protect you from himself? He constantly ruined good things without meaning to, so how was he supposed to protect you when he could hardly protect anything else? He had had enough of being the reason good things went bad. He couldn’t be that reason anymore, and especially not with you.

10. You will not watch her crumble under the weight of your sins. She is too light, too breathless to be caught up in the dizziness of your heart.

His life was a whirlwind of disasters. He would not let you get swept up in the twister and thrown out of it broken and unrecognizable. Your love made his heart ache with wants and desires, but he swore to himself that he would not let you break because of who he used to be and who he had to face that he was now.

Bucky reached the end of his list, and it dropped him back into reality so hard that he almost fell on his ass. He looked at you in front of him, and his heart went from not beating at all to beating a mile a minute. He made a mental note to add another reason to his list.

Reasons to kiss her:

1. She loves you, and her eyes are closed, and didn’t your mother ever tell you not to leave a good thing waiting?

In that moment, Bucky decided that one reason to kiss you was better than a million notebooks filled with reasons not to.

So he did.

- Fin. X.

A/N: Okay so please please please let me know what you thought of this because I’ve been wanting to write for such a long time I just haven’t because I’ve been nervous. I’ve literally got a notebook with ideas in it so please leave me requests if you’d like to so I have more to write!! Xx.

[epiphanicwiring]

Tagged by @yutoba​ to do this, thank you! I tag @notaboutfate, @gravis-dum-suavis, @krijgsonthaal, @riranvier, @amazoniansiege.

What’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum?

I’m always singing, so it’s kind of difficult to pick just one song or piece. Lately I’ve been practicing this, and I guess I’m going to transcribe it because I absolutely love it. Sometimes I like to sing various parts from Jacob Collier’s arrangements, or some trumpet solo from Snarky Puppy, or a melodic line from Bottesini’s and Vanhal’s concerti? (The plural form of concerto is concerti, isn’t it?) for double bass, et cetera.

What’s your favourite flower/tree/plant?

Cacti. And succulents. I know, it sounds so cliché but... It has a reason. My mother has “green hands” and my house’s garden is basically a jungle. We have beautiful plants that I never, ever water, and the only ones that would survive to such degree of negligence from my part were cacti and succulent. Still, they need water... So basically they are alive because of my mother. Even those who are supposed to be mine. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to take care of a plant. That’s why.

Favourite colours?

Every shade of green, being dark green/bottle green my favourite. Also black and grey.

What do you always doodle?

I’m going to take one of my Instagram posts and show to the world the shit I doodle: This.

How do you take your coffee/tea?

Coffee: Strong coffee blend, no milk, little amount of sugar.

Tea: Anything from mango to jasmine, but without sugar, or with half a spoon of muscovado.

Favourite candle scent?

Watermelon/cucumber and vanilla/coconut.

Sunrise or Sunset?

Both.

What perfume do you wear?

Moschino’s Chic Petals.

Favourite quote?

I have many. So many... Sorry.

"People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy." -Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

"Yet he who reigns within himself, and rules Passions, desires, and fears, is more a king. […] Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties." -John Milton

"The less necessity there is for you to come into contact with mankind in general, in the relations whether of business or of personal intimacy, the better off you are.” -Arthur Schopenhauer, Counsels and Maxims: Our Relation to Ourselves

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." -Friederich Nietzche?

"Nevertheless, the fact is that there is nothing as dreamy and poetic, nothing as radical, subversive, and psychedelic, as mathematics. It is every bit as mind blowing as cosmology or physics… and allows more freedom of expression than poetry, art, or music… Mathematics is the purest of the arts, as well as the most misunderstood." -Paul Lockhart

"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man’s being unable to sit still in a room." -Blaise Pascal

"How miserable I sometimes feel as day after day passes and I don’t grow anywhere. Static. Too much static. Much too static. Half-awake. No one to spend time with. No one listening. (Clue: make something people want to listen to!)" -Brian Eno

"…throw roses into the abyss and say: ‘here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive." -Friedrich Nietzsche

"I hope to refine music, study it, try to find some area that I can unlock. I don’t quite know how to explain it but it’s there. These can’t be the only notes in the world, there’s got to be other notes some place, in some dimension, between the cracks on the piano keys." -Marvin Gaye

"You ruin your life by tolerating it. At the end of the day you should be excited to be alive. When you settle for anything less than what you innately desire, you destroy the possibility that lives inside of you, and in that way you cheat both yourself and the world of your potential. The next Michelangelo could be sitting behind a Macbook right now writing an invoice for paperclips, because it pays the bills, or because it is comfortable, or because he can tolerate it. Do not let this happen to you. Do not ruin your life this way. Life and work, and life and love, are not irrespective of each other. They are intrinsically linked. We have to strive to do extraordinary work, we have to strive to find extraordinary love. Only then will we tap into an extraordinarily blissful life." -Bianca Sparacino, How To Ruin Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are)

Favourite self care routine(s)?

I recently hit the gym and I absolutely love to exercise my arms/back/chest. Chest press and vertical traction are the best. 

Self-care for my soul is every once in a while attending a café in solitude with a book and a notebook. Have a coffee, read, develop ideas, take notes, think about the future, implement those ideas, analyze and introspect.

Fuzzy socks or house slippers?

House slippers.

What colour are your eyes?

Dark brown/black.

What’s your favourite eye colour on others?

I don’t have one. I like green eyes. Brown eyes. Whatever. I am terrified of blue eyes, no matter how beautiful they are, though. I have a hard time maintaining visual contact, and blue-eyed people scare me.

Favourite season? Why?

Winter. Everything’s better in winter. I can dress way more elegantly without sweating and feeling I’m in hell 24/7. Everything is more poetic, if that makes sense. The icy wind, watching the sunset while travelling by bus...

Cheek, neck, or nose kisses?

Anything but nose kisses. Nose kisses are terrible. 

What does your happy place look like?

Let me imagine it... A huge place full of books and vinyls. Hi-fi sound system. A telescope and a large balcony. Near this room, my (perfect, ideal) recording studio. 

Favourite breed of dog?

I’d never buy a dog for ethical reasons (I have a poodle from before I developed an animal-rights-related “ethical structure”, and I love him). I prefer to adopt them from the streets but... If I had to choose: Weimaraner.

Do you ever want to be married? if so, what colours would you pick for your wedding theme?

I would, if I found the right person. And for a person like me, that’s like the embodiment of loyalty and perfection. Guess I’ll die. Jokes aside, I don’t have anything against marrying, but I prefer it to be a civil wedding. No wedding theme in mind.

Cursive or print?

Print. 

Favourite weather?

12ºC, chilling in a t-shirt.

[yuzuroohanyu-blog]

Ladies Tattoos Designs and Ideas

Detecting a tattoo has become a fad nowadays since they are A matter of fashion as well as a means to enhance looks and express personality. Pet tattoos are extremely creative and an superb procedure to keep them on your heart. It's said that if many women pick a tattoo they could not offer a specific motive behind the style they chose. It is also among the trendiest wrist tattoos for women.

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 There are lots of explanations for why girls love tattoos. No matter what most people think, tattoos are always confidential. A huge range of rib tattoos for girls may seem daunting, if you'd really like to encounter a style that you love.

 Since tattoo will remain for Quite a While in your entire body. Particularly once you would rather make women tattoos lower back, then one wants to be really careful. Tattoos for girls can also be fairly much in wide selection. Tattoos for women have turned into a style icon. Cute and small tattoos for women can easily be hidden and can be placed in almost any area of the physique.

 When anyone receives a tattoo, then They'd like to depict a Sense of self vogue. When You've Got a tattoo which means a Superb deal to You each time you take a look at it you will be reminded of the importance It is important to choose something that will look effortlessly lovely Through recent years. The tattoo can be placed on the wrist, also It's a Frequent area to use the tiny tattoo. A barely-there tattoo may look very classy. You don't necessarily have to employ the authentic kitty tattoo.

[draco-omega]

Touhou Randfic #5

Tenshi + Yorihime, ‘Old Promises’

Footsteps echoed through the quiet lanes of the Lunar Capital – sharp, deliberate, implacable. Their owner passed mansion after immaculate mansion, flawless gardens of sand and reed, and art of the most subtle beauty without ever sparing a glance from the path in front of her – so fierce was the resolve upon her face and the purpose in her stride. If one hadn’t just watched her walk in circles for twenty minutes, they might even think she knew where she was going.

“Would it kill them to put up a sign?!” Tenshi growled.

Perhaps expecting such legendary isolationists to care about the tourist experience had been ill-advised and so she turned her irritation upon the nearest living creature instead.

“Hey, you!”

The lone rabbit in earshot stiffened so abruptly that she dropped the mallet she’d been carrying on the ground and then glanced at the alleyway behind her in the futile hope this statement had been addressed to someone else.

“Yes, you,” Tenshi continued. “Tell where I can find Lord Moonbutt McHead-up-his-ass.”

“...who?”

“Tsukuyomi.” She all but hissed the word.

The rabbit’s eyes went wide as saucers. Not even in her wildest imaginings had she envisioned someone speaking so disdainfully of the tallest pillar of their society. Just what sort of terrifying person was this intruder?

“I- I don’t know,” she stammered. “I’ve never met him. I’m only a rabbit. I pound mochi....”

“Well, you’ll be able to pound mochi on his face by the time I’m through with him. Where is he?”

“Er, I don’t know if I’m supposed to- I mean, they told us not to go and- Alright, alright, I’ll tell you!” she cried, shielding her face with her hands as though she expected to be struck at any moment.

Tenshi hadn’t exactly meant to flash her teeth at the rabbit – that was merely a physical inevitability of glowering so hard – but it appeared to have a desirable effect nonetheless. The rabbit relayed a frantic series of directions to Lord Tsukuyomi’s palace, her voice seeming to rise in pitch and tempo with every other word until the final instructions came out as little more than a squeak. Tenshi nodded once, then eyed the rabbit with the kind of dreary appraisal one might give a mangy dog.

“I thought you guys were supposed to be slaves or something,” she said.

“Er, no? I mean, well... um... maybe?” It was an odd question, now that the rabbit considered it. She’d never had a choice in how she spent her days and she certainly wasn’t allowed to leave. She knew she was intrinsically inferior to her overseers and that no amount of diligence on her part could ever change that. But was that really enough to make her a slave?

“Have a little more pride in yourself,” Tenshi muttered. “They don’t deserve your loyalty or your obedience.”

But before the rabbit could figure out how to respond to this, the celestial was gone – her footfalls ringing upon the stone walkways like a blacksmith’s hammer.

Tenshi made little attempt to disguise her approach to the palace, simply following the instructions she’d been given to the letter. It mattered not. Many stared as she passed through the busy streets near the Capital’s center, but none moved to stop her. She was imperious, inviolate, a celestial. And before long, her destination lay in front of her – a spired pagoda in the middle of a lake of purest blue, its surface undisturbed by even the slightest ripple. Heaven itself never looked so unblemished.

Tenshi sneered. “Figures he’d have the place that looks like a giant prick.”

She stepped forward onto the narrow bridge of land which linked palace and shore, its surface paved with intricate stonework and flanked by silent lanterns. It was a solemn processional onto a god’s demesne and the lake around it was an ornament. No fish scurried within its waters, no lillies rested upon its surface; the Moon was too pure to admit such things. It was a perfect, lifeless mirror reflecting an equally lifeless society. It was even worse than back home, Tenshi thought – at least in Heaven they had the decency to spend their days singing and feasting instead of looking down on people.

A voice from behind broke her reverie – its words clear and sharp and utterly commanding.

“That’s far enough.”

Tenshi grinned without even turning around. “Says who?” She took another, very deliberate step forward.

But just one.

The moment her foot touched the ground, a dozen blades burst from the stone around it, encircling her like a cage of razor-sharp metal. She hissed under her breath and glanced behind her – or at least as far as the tachi surrounding her face would allow.

“State your purpose, celestial,” the woman commanded. She was tall and almost martial in her bearing. Her lavender hair hung in a single loose ponytail at her side and the sword she was gripping was sunk half its length into the ground at her feet – a sword that was an exact duplicate of the ones entrapping Tenshi.

The celestial’s eyes hardened. “I’m here to keep a promise 500 years overdue.” The words came out almost as a challenge.

She took take measure of her opponent – the confidence with which she carried herself, the belt which hung loosely upon her hip, and particularly the bright yellow ribbon with which she tied her hair. She’d heard all the stories about the Scarlet Devil's failed invasion of the moon, of course, but while she didn't think very much of Remilia, anyone capable of holding Reimu captive for a month was worth taking seriously.

“You are not permitted in the Lunar Capital,” Yorihime continued. “How did you get here?”

Tenshi smirked despite herself. “Worried your impenetrable defenses aren’t so impenetrable after all?”

One of the swords surrounding her dug into the small of her spine – just enough to make it clear that it might cut much deeper should its wielder wish. Tenshi grumbled.  “Fine, fine. I trailed one of the Dragon Palace’s messengers on her way back home. Er, the one with long red hair.” She hoped there was someone who actually fit that description. Iku could be a royal pain in the ass, but she'd still feel kind of bad if she got her mixed up in all this.

Yorihime stared at Tenshi in silence for several moments, as if she too were taking measure of an adversary. Tenshi tried to pry an arm loose from the cage of swords she was trapped in, but the blades just tightened around it.

“A rabbit told me you planned to assault Lord Tsukuyomi,” Yorihime said at last.

“Spineless little sycophant,” Tenshi muttered under her breath, then locked eyes with the Lunarian. “And so what if I am? You can’t tell me Lord Dickmansion doesn’t have it coming.”

If the insult had been intended to faze her opponent, Yorihime showed no sign of reacting to it. “I can’t let you do that.”

Tenshi wrenched one foot free of its bondage and grinned fangs at her. “Then just try and stop me!”

She stomped that foot upon the ground and the earth reverberated violently. Cracks snaked across the length of the bridge in an instant and the land beneath her tore itself apart. The blades confining her fell away, some tumbling into the lake while others were snapped clean in half by the faulting rocks. She sprung free.

“World Creation Press!”

An enormous keystone slammed down from the sky above Yorihime – larger even than the one she’d placed beneath the shrine. This was no playful danmaku or warning shot; it was a heavenly meteor and Yorihime was directly in its shadow.

“Lord Kanayamahiko.”

The Lunarian’s expression was as calm while she spoke the words as it had been from the start. Even with a keystone hurtling towards her with enough force to level a castle, she hadn’t bothered to move a single limb. She didn’t need to. When the tip of the keystone neared Yorihime’s head, it simply crumbled away to dust. There was no impact, no earth-rending shockwave. The keystone just parted in a waterfall of sand that collected gently around the Lunarian’s feet as if guided by an unseen hand. Not even the ribbon on her head had been sullied by it.

Tenshi was already rushing forward. This wasn’t Gensokyo and this wasn’t a duel between friends. She was here to right a wrong left long unpunished and no arrogant bodyguard was going to stand in her way – not even if she called down a million gods.

“O master of stone and metal,” Yorihime intoned solemnly, “Return this celestials’s creation onto her a hundredfold!”

The sand around her rose up and took form: swords and spears and naginata – dozens of them, perhaps even hundreds. They aimed themselves towards the barrelling celestial and took flight in an instant. Tenshi’s eyes went wide and she narrowly banked away from the first volley, but there were too many, too suddenly. One spear drove itself into her shoulder, another into her arm, a third between her ribs.

She barely slowed. A true celestial could shrug off a landslide and she was better than any of them. Just another few feet....

“Sword of Scarlet-”

Yorihime raised one hand in front of her. “Lord Naruikazuchi, let your heavenly cry silence this interloper!”

A flash of lightning snaked forth from her fingertips with a shriek like a thousand keening hawks. It struck Tenshi squarely in the center of her chest and whatever the celestial had been about to say was swallowed by it completely.

Better than any of them....

With inhuman stubbornness, Tenshi gritted her teeth and manifested her weapon, cleaving through the tendril of coruscating power linking her and Yorihime. The lightning quivered violently as her blade passed through it and then split apart in a spray of scarlet mist. She collapsed onto the ground.

“The Sword of Hisou?” Yorihime questioned, eyes fixed firmly upon the blade in Tenshi’s hand. Its scarlet length flickered, wavering like an autumn leaf on an unseen breeze. She appraised the celestial again, as if seeing her for the first time. “You are of the Hinanawi?”

“That’s right,” Tenshi replied, pulling herself back onto her feet and attempting to will sensation back into her limbs.

“Why would one of Heaven's most venerated seek to harm Lord Tsukuyomi?"

A hint of a smirk traced Tenshi’s face once more – a frighteningly incongruous expression for one with weapons still impaling their body. “Let me tell you a story.”

She straightened out her dress and then took hold of the spear in her shoulder, prying it loose with only the faintest hint of a grimace. “Once upon a time there was a family of priests who lived in the mountains and spent all their time managing earthquakes. If a storeroom collapsed, it was because they willed it. If a village survived unscathed, it was because they ensured it. They were so devoted to their work that even the gods took notice.”

“I am aware of the special dispensation your clan received,” Yorihime noted curtly.

“Of course, with so many important errands to perform, they certainly didn't have time to spend with their only daughter,” Tenshi continued, seeming to ignore the Lunarian entirely. “No, that would just be silly – that’s what servants were for, right? But fortunately for that girl – let’s call her... Chiko – one of those retainers treated her just like the little sister she’d always wished she’d had. She took her for picnics, taught her how to make paper cranes and play the koto – all the kinds of things her parents wouldn’t. With them it was always rituals and traditions and ‘carrying on the family name’.” She couldn’t quite keep the sarcasm from her voice.

“I fail to see how any of this is relevant.”

“Then shut up and listen!”

She took a moment to compose herself again, then assumed her sweetest, most mawkish smile.

“One day when she was 13, Chiko’s father took her aside and told her the clan had just been granted a great honor – they were all moving to Heaven! She’d get to fly and dance upon the clouds and feast on food sweeter than anything anywhere on Earth. It sounded wonderful! There was just one catch – their retainers didn't get to come. They were branch family. They weren’t pure enough, not ready to be celestials. 'Some day', he told her.” She flashed a bitter smile at Yorihime. “Funny, huh? I thought celestials weren't supposed to lie.”

“I’m sure Lord Hinanawi spoke the truth as he saw it.”

“Oh, he always does,” Tenshi growled. “But I didn’t give a shit back then and I’m not about to start now. I swore to Chikame on the day we left that I’d see her in Heaven again. That I’d spend a hundred years shouting at the Dragon himself if that’s what it took.”

“And did you?”

Rather than answering, Tenshi turned to watch the cerulean arc of the Earth as it sunk beneath the Lunar horizon. The lifeless stasis of the Lunar Capital made it look even more vibrant by comparison. “You know what they think down there? Heaven’s full. Enlightenment’s on hold because we ran out of room. Of course, we both know that’s bullshit.”

“Lord Tsukuyomi has no judicial authority over Bhava-Agra. That fall squarely within the jurisdiction of-”

“Oh please,” Tenshi spat. “Save that line for someone who doesn’t know better. Bhava-Agra is the spiritually nearest realm to the moon and Lord Dickmansion here just didn't like the idea of so many 'impure' humans taking up residence that close to his stupid lifeless utopia. He leaned on Heaven and Heaven caved; not worth getting into a power struggle over a few lowly humans, right?” She shook her head. “For years, I thought the Celestial Bureaucracy was just drowning in its own red tape and sanctimony, but that wasn’t it at all. It was always him.”

“Your brashness does you no credit, celestial,” Yorihime chided. “By your own word, it’s been centuries. Has the Yama not passed their own judgment on her already?”

“You mean ‘Is she dead’,” Tenshi spat, but the ensuing silence was answer enough. Ordinary humans didn’t live to be 500.

Yorihime shook her head. “Only a child rails against the order of the universe. The Yama’s judgments are absolute. It is only right and proper that the impure remain crawling upon the Earth where they belong.”

“Bullshit!” The Sword of Hisou flared angrily in Tenshi’s grip. “If my father gets to live in Heaven and she doesn't, then there's no justice in the universe at all. I'm gonna fix that. I'm gonna make things better. Maybe it's too late for her now, but I still owe it to her memory and to the girl I used to be. And you're in my way.” Her eyes flashed dangerously.

“You can’t win,” Yorihime stated simply. “I've seen the way you carry yourself in battle. You are impulsive, overconfident, unaware of your own limitations.” Tenshi bristled with each new insult, but somehow kept her ground. “Among the enlightened of heaven,” Yorihime continued, “you may indeed rank a warrior, but you are 10,000 years too early to challenge the Moon.”

“Not so long as I’ve got this.” Tenshi’s grip tightened on her weapon’s hilt until her knuckles turned white. The Sword of Hisou, Blade of Scarlet Perception –  a weapon of the enlightened that could combat even gods. It drew out the nature of those it touched, manifesting their spirit in scarlet mist; one slash could divine the essence of any living being and bring it to bear against them – even a Lunarian.

“I am aware of your weapon’s power,” Yorihime replied. “It will avail you not; there is no spirit on the Moon or in Heaven that can touch me and neither will your blade.”

Tenshi sunk into a crouch and grinned at her. “Wanna bet?”

“I have given you enough indulgences already. Awanagi no Mikoto!” Yorihime raised her hand. “Awanami no Mikoto! Bind this child in fetters as unyielding as the tides!”

Two great columns of spray burst from the lake on either side of Tenshi, then four, six, eight, their surfaces weaving into rippling chains of purest water – chains whose links could no more be severed by any weapon than could the oceans themselves.

Tenshi just grinned. “Scarlet Weather Shroud of all Gensokyo!”

Her sword’s blade flared like a geyser that had just been uncorked and spirit surged forth from it, so dense that it was almost white – spirit gathered on a hundred visits to that land below. She felt the earnest drizzle of an ordinary magician, the unrelenting wind of a tengu journalist, the shimmering frost of a cocksure ice fairy and a thousand others like her, from the spirits which dwelled within the oldest mountains to the tiniest blades of grass. Emotions, ambitions, life.

The shackles encircling Tenshi abruptly lost cohesion and plummeted back into the lake. The swords in her side disintegrated. Yorihime leapt backwards, eyes wide with genuine horror.

Tenshi took one look at her and began to cackle. “Oh my god, it’s true! It’s actually true! I almost didn’t believe that star spangled shit-disturber.” She shook her head. “Fairies? What kind of a lame-ass weakness is that?”

“Have you lost your mind?!” Yorihime cried. “That much impurity will make even a celestial lose their agelessness!”

“So what?” Tenshi replied as the spirit pouring out of her sword engulfed her in a brilliant scarlet aura. “If some shinigami wants to try taking my soul, I’ll just kick their ass too.”

The Lunarian tightened her grip on her own weapon and locked eyes on Tenshi with an earnestness she’d not needed in millennia. “Did Junko send you?”

“I sent me,” she countered. “Because Tsukuyomi left the only family I ever loved to die alone and I’m gonna pay him back ten times over.”

“Impossible. Celestials can’t hold grudges.”

Tenshi just laughed. “In case you haven’t been paying attention, I’m a really, really lousy celestial, but that’s exactly why I’m gonna kick your ass.” She brandished her weapon, its blade still streaming with pride and ardor, curiosity and petty jealousy and all those other things that made life interesting which the heavens had learned to disdain. Just for today, she’d cast aside her celestial name and all its privileges. Just for today, she was once again that little girl who’d sworn to rail against the heavens.

She rushed forward.

“Scarlet Weather Rapture!”

[aphrosalexein]

The Jazz Age Whispers

Writing is like weaving, he thought. You begin from a key word, then elaborate. But it all revolves, gravitates towards that encoded unit. Loki got his pen up and quickly scribbled something in the corner of his journal paper.

This has been the daily mental exercise in the last few weeks: he got up early in the morning and wrote down the first idea that came to mind. It was meant as an effort to know himself better by capturing the most unconscious, perhaps useless (but sometimes subtle and shrouded) of thoughts. An effort to attain clarity.

He found this technique while travelling on Midgard. On Realm Eternal literature was much more classic, it both form and meaning. Writers were at the same time philosophers, sorcerers, astronomers, playwrights, historians. Most books were histories of Asgard, papers of magic, epics and works of adventure, or philosophical in manner. Well, there was also an entire series "Heimdallr's considerations on the universe: a detailed description of Niflheim, Muspelheim, Asgard, Midgard, Jotunheim, Vanaheim, Alfheim, Svartalfheim, Helheim", which were 9 tomes describing all stars, planets, galaxies, realms. Other works on astronomy were minor. One separate category were fairytales, yet those fit mostly children.

Thus, sciences in Asgard have not yet separated, as on Earth. 

During one of his visits, he entered a Parisian cafè. What attracted him inside was the music he heard; humans call it "jazz". The sinous notes pervaded through the thin glass windows, travelled his hearing channel and captivated him immediately. It was early evening and the diffuse light from this French local seemed like a true invitation to join in; it promised a warm atmosphere and significant knowledge on Midgardian culture.

He opened the door and was met with a noteworthy sight: there was a round table in the middle, surrounded by young earthlings. They seemed in some kind of debate; it was held in a friendly manner. Other people minded their own, drinking and laughing with peers. Everything was covered in a sheer layer of smoke and so the smell of cigarettes was a dominant flavour.

Their clothes complemented the overall ambiance: wood-panelled room walls, small, beige chandeliers, dark green Art Deco chairs (he learnt the precise name afterwards), black tables. Men and women alike were dressed in dark shades, adopting an elegant flair. The females had a peculiar, never seen before, style of garment; he later knew that it was essential to their look: the "flapper" dress. 

It was almost dreamlike. However, as opposed to illusions, where shadows seem like real characters and instead you fill in their real role, he was met with strange eyes. Nonetheless, nobody really minded him.

Thus, he was covered with a veil of anonimity, which was truly enjoyable. This way, it was much easier to learn unobserved. On the other side, a part of him wanted some attention.

He got to the bar and sat on a stool. The bartender said in a questioning manner:

"Haven't seen you before in here.. What will it be for you?"

"Just a straight whiskey." The youth put a few coins on the table.

"Here it comes." 

He got his glass, took a quick sip and moved towards that group. He looked again at the group sitting around the round table and overheard snippets of conversation. Following their tone, words, mannerisms, even banter, he saw how close they were, even if, in his eyes, they seemed to have known each other for no more than a day. Almost strangers, but youth united them so naturally. Their affinity shone through like a golden aura. He quickly got jealous, comparing them to his stiff almost-friends. Yet, as always, he buried deep this sentiment, thinking he should anyways enjoy himself, while it lasts. 

He got closer and distinguished more clearly their matter, only now noticing two were playing a game of cards.

"Renè, accept and move on. You lost, c'est fini. Let's start again, but don't think you'll beat me yet. After all, I taught you the game just two hours ago." 

A short-haired, blonde woman said these words, with a strange accent. She chuckled and seemed somewhat prideful, though on merit: apparently she was a good card player and also a good game teacher. She was easily the most traditionally beautiful woman at the table. Diametrically opposite, sat Renè, who looked like a classic dandy, full of poise and manners, but at her right sat one of her friends, supposedly. The other woman was engaged in a conversation with a younger man. They talked about something which she cared very much about; one could see it in the glint of her eyes. Her interest made her features look lively and captured the attention of her partner. Finally, directly in front of him were two more men and one woman, who, based on the previously heard conversation, were called Georges, Bernard and Emilie. The first two were brothers, but they didn't look alike. Emilie seemed the youngest; she was also somewhat quiet and listened to the brothers' talking. 

He wanted to get in the group, but he was too reserved to interrupt. However, the second woman, near the blonde, saw his hesitation and invited him in with her gaze. "How observant.." he thought.

And she didn't even look at him, until then.

"Noticed you since you entered in <Les Lilas>... you don't seem like the usual. But don't be shy, this place is for everyone". 

The woman greeted him, breaking the ice. She was confident, but in a more mature way than her friends. The youthful taste for coquettery was replaced by a sort of tolerance and accommodating friendliness.

"Feel free to sit here. I am Mathilde, by the way, and this is my husband, Henri." 

Henri nod his head as a salute. 

"My dear friend here is Alice and the new Bridge player is Renè." Alice smiled and Renè greeted politely. Yet they all seemed to be used to Mathilde being the mediator between old and new acquaintances.

"Finally, these are the Verdi brothers, Bernard and Georges; near them is Emilie; they are all our new friends". 

Mathilde waited now to present himself.

In a strained voice, he said: "Nice to meet you all, and thank you Mathilde, if I may, for this easy introduction. Yes, I am not familiar to this place, so one could say this is my holiday. My name is.. "

The night went by in a quick pace. He talked to all of them, although most to Mathilde, as she made him feel most comfortable. This wasn't very long ago, it must have been about 90 years, yet their introduction remains crystal clear in his mind. (However, it is the only, and the last thing he remembers this accurately. The others have long begun to change shapes and meanings. Forgetfullness tastes bitter.)

Although, different memories flow by, some half forgotten, some improved and romanticised by the crafty side of his brain (who doesn't accept that even he can't remember everything). Loki realised that these six people, or mortals (as he referred to them later), were his only friends in his millenium of existence. Disastrous. Yet, he began to reminiscence their times spent together, which helped him understand better than anyone, he thinks, humanity's internal and external crisis of the 20th century. They also helped him understand himself, a great feat, really. So, his writing now is also the result of their encounter. 

Once, Mathilde told him: "Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself. You know, you could become a great writer, if only you would dive in and gain clarity."

He responded, thinking of Asgardian epics and legends: "And what? Create another Odysseus? I'm afraid nobody would be interested. These stories are no longer fit for the present society; nobody ever goes to an adventure nowadays to discover himself. You just live in the same place, doing the same things. History moves on, quickly, in a rush (just look at newspapers) and you delude yourself you'll do something new tomorrow. What a pity."

"You're right, but I never said to write about manly men and fair ladies.

Exactly the absence of adventure, as you understand it, is the greatest adventure of our lives. Our journies nowadays are on the inside, concealed, and in your soul there's as much action as in the external lives, conquests and adventures of any classic hero. Yes, outside noise covers it, you said history, but that doesn't undermine the reality. In the past, it was possible to become a valiant warrior, as the background did not change: same old kingdoms, empires, nobility and vassals. Now it is vastly different: social ranks are no longer for life and moreover, the outside rate of change and the oversaturation of (unimportant) information outshine our private lives.

You just need to find a way to express this. Anyways, I'll try to help you. Try to write down everything that comes to mind, without judgement or censorship. Even better, do this as soon as you wake up or in a moment you're most relaxed. I'm sure..."

Her advice continued and he was grateful for it. Maybe not in that moment, but now he appreciates the value.

Where was he before this sentimental intermission? Oh, mornings gave the prince a great opportunity to enjoy and relish in the best time of the day. Nothing surpasses the crystal stillnes of silence before sunrise, even some moments afterwards. It is not an empty quietness ("like in the Void", he thinks with a shudder), but rather the "fullest" one; in an ambigous sense of this word. "Fullness"... when all particles of nature stand unbearably close to each other, affecting all neighbours with their inherent agitation. But the space is so close, that they can't neither reject nor accept eachother totally. They seem as if in a frozen state, separated by equal distances, yet the truth stands on the opposite side. It is the purest form of movement. Each particle identifies with all others, and through it's manipulation, it is able to influence all others. ("What an illuminating thought! Then so is the essence of his seidr, is it not? This particular state of matter, this total unity.")

Just the right moment; it all seems cohesive, no disruptances in flows of energy, everything moves in sync. The puzzle is complete: one can see and identify each piece individually, but also perceive the whole in it's "fullness". "What a strange word"... he wrote it down with beautiful and elegant penmanship on his paper, determining it as the final result of early meditation hours. 

Suddenly, calmness washed over him. He lost his peak of focus and felt all muscles in his body lose their imposed rigidity, returning to natural tension. This is what he meant through clarity. A direct sense of perception. He looked inside, finally.

[autel-luna]

Drum roll.... rtititititit... UPDATED READING TIME! The theme for today in all the Crystals today is who am I? And how does that present itself to the world? If you picked Crystal 1, #Carnelian is calling for you to be creative. No matter what you are feeling - sad, happy, angry, lonely.. its time to create something with it. It could be art or poetry, maybe composing a song, maybe film. Whatever it is, there a sense of innocence, of needing to be creative. Do this just for you. For your self expression, and watch how the therapeutic magic of creating transforms whatever you are experiencing right now. If you dont jam with Crystal 2, this is #YellowOnyx and it collerates to our Solar Plexus. Here is who we are, are magic, our power, the regaining of the truest part of ourselves. There is a feeling, this center is underactive. You are afraid to be the true you; perhaps to wear what you really love, share your likes, even create the things that excite you, in the fear of rejection or judgement. The sad thing is, ego, is our worst crtic and you can never really be abandoned, you are connected to the All in the end. Yellow Onyx wants you to know that to withold the purest parts of your soul is to withold a gift that the world needs. Let the Onyx help you rebuild confidence within yourself. Our last Crystal is #Amazonite and its message today is SPEAK UP! Maybe you want a raise, maybe there are hurt feelings you need to share or a new friend you want to make - but speak up. As nervous as you may be Amazonite teaches the important lesson of, unless we ask the answer is always no. Even when our voice shakes, the Universe meets our courage half way. So be courageous. Express your needs and remember if you dont ask, you dont get. Have a beautiful Wednesday. Endless love 💕 #PantaRhea #CrystalReading #CrystalHealing #CrystalReader #Crystals #Divination #magick #witch #witchesofinstagram #yogi #lightworker #higherself #starseed #higherconsciousness #spirituality #webstagram #instamood #instapic #instadaily #instagram #instafollow #hippie

[livingmomentbymoment]

Learning to Trust Yourself

Let’s begin by recalling what trust is. These are quotes from the dictionary, friends, and myself. 

Trust /trəst/ noun.

a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

Trust means not second-guessing someone or something. 

It means being able to depend on the words and actions of someone else. 

Without trust, we are unable to open our minds and hearts to others. It is a beautiful thing and is so important to maintain. 

Trust can easily be broken and must be earned. 

Trust is falling asleep next to someone and not worrying that they'll judge your hair or morning breath when you wake up.

Trust is having absolutely zero invasive self-awareness, feeling no fear of judgement, allowing yourself to be your most unfiltered and unapologetic self.

Trust is total comfort. 

Trust is the foundation of healthy relationships. 

Trust is simply the faith that you have in something. 

Trust is easy. It's reliable. When all else fails, you have what/who you trust. 

Trust is letting go of every little worry in the world, and truly confiding everything in another person.

It's the best feeling in the world. 

Why this is important to me:

Recently I have found that I second guess myself more than I should. I’ve had this idea in my head that for some reason my thoughts and ideas are not as valid as other people’s because “I’m just not creative enough”, “I’m not funny enough”, or “I’m not smart enough” to share my thoughts. I have been internally and blindly degrading myself for no good reason. I do not trust my own voice. 

As a theatre major, I think it is important for me to trust my art, and trusting my art essentially means trusting myself. It is important that I can look at a scene or song, make choices, and stick with them. My mind races like crazy, and sometimes it’s difficult to believe that I’m making the right choices in my art and it is because I have a hard time trusting myself. I am terrified of interviews because I’m afraid of what I’ll say. I prefer texting to calling, and I prefer memorized scripts to improv because it feels safer and gives me more time to think. But life will not always give you a script or lots of time to answer. Sometimes you have to act impulsively. So I’ve started a journey of learning to trust my ideas, words, art, and opinions. I am tired of living a life full of fear.

Here are 5 ways that you can strengthen your self-trust:

1. Start with doing everything for YOU. 

Sharing your thoughts and opinions can be terrifying at first. What if someone doesn’t agree with you or doesn’t like what you said? First of all, let me just state right now that you will NEVER please everyone. There will always be someone who disagrees with you, and THAT IS OKAY. You are not here to make every single human being on this planet agree with what you have to say.  You must learn to let go of this idea.

I also want to point out, however, that when learning to trust yourself it is best to begin by doing so on your own. When I started this journey of self-trust, the first thing I did was start a journal. Whenever I had free time, was inspired, or was about to go to sleep, I would write in my journal, or on a google docs page. I would jot down everything that was going through my mind. I wrote about my day, things that I was grateful for, things that upset me, etc. To be honest, it felt kind of pointless at first. But then after a while, it became routine and almost meditative. It was amazing to read these journal entries back and learn more about the way I think, feel, and express myself in writing. It’s also very interesting to read your entries months later.

One of my struggles has been visualizing what I sound and look like to others. I’m trying to do a better job of blurring the line between what I am viewed as and how I think I am on the inside. A tip for this? VIDEO YOURSELF. Sometimes when I don’t feel like writing I’ll sit in front of my webcam and talk about my day. This is also something that has helped me appreciate my own sense of humor.

All of these forms of personal expression are special because no one has to see them. There are no rules. There are no expectations. It’s simply a time for you to connect with yourself, and that may be one of the most beautiful things that we are able to do.

2. Understand that you are one-of-a-kind. 

No one, and I mean NO ONE has your train of thought. Your thoughts are unique to you based on your own personal experiences, environments, opinions, and writing/speaking patterns. If you are scared that your poem, song, or idea is not special enough, you are wrong. Is everything that you create going to start a movement or become a top hit on iTunes? Nope. But everything that you create will be unique to you and only you. Isn’t that weird to think about? That you have this amazing power to CREATE and there will always be at least something different about the way you went about the work because YOUR THOUGHTS ARE UNIQUE TO YOU. 

3.  Let go of your fear of failure.

There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to expressing yourself. I mean, of course, be respectful of others. Do not murder someone and say that it’s art because you are “expressing your feelings”. That’s just common courtesy. What I’m trying to get at, is that once you let go of this idea of perfectionism, that is when you will begin to flourish.  As I mentioned before, not everything that you create or say is going to be ground-breaking. Sometimes it takes hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of tries to spread the message that you want to spread, to develop the invention that you have imagined, or to get the feedback that you have been hoping for. It is okay to fail. It is okay to fail. It is OKAY to fail. 

4. Trick yourself into believing in yourself.

It’s important to understand that confidence can be worked on from the outside in. Appearing confident and believing that you are confident in yourself can trick your mind into actually being confident. Do you think that every famous writer, artist, or Youtuber, has been 100% sure of themselves every time they have posted something? The answer is no. Even though they seem really confident right? 

That’s the point. 

5. Do not express yourself for validation. Express yourself to share.

Write a song about something that happened to you. It doesn’t even have to rhyme. Make a Youtube video about something that’s on your mind. You don’t have to have millions of followers for it to matter.

Once you are able to share with others with the same confidence that you journal with, you will open up doors that you didn’t know existed. You’ll see yourself in a different light. Others will see you for who you really are. That may sound intimidating, but the best and most honest way to be remembered is to be remembered as the purest form of who you are, not as a copy or idea of someone else. 

Tell the world what you think.

Share your thoughts. Yell them from the rooftops. Your opinions are valid. 

Now go back and read the definitions of trust. Can you say you trust yourself?

xoxo, Ana