#as if i could ever put my goals before romance

[pythiaswine]

i LOVE when older ppl think my lack of interest in the opposite sex is because i'm just so focused on college and my career. john laurens who?

[viennakarma]

Everything I Wanted II.

LESTAPPEN X READER (PART 2)

Summary: Your journey to become a Motorsport legend wasn't easy, especially when your path clashed with your greatest rivals, Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc.

Word count: 8.9k

Tags: Driver reader, mentions of crash, angst, abusive parent, daddy issues, trust issues, character death (not reader), cursing, strong rivalry, misogyny in motorsport, invasive media, aggressive fans, reader suffers with cyberbullying and hate, smut, female reader, +18, unprotected sex, voyeurism, exhibtionism, edging, filthy, porn with plot, queer! everyone, polyamory lestappen, bit of dirty talking, pet names, not beta read

Relationships: Lestappen x Reader

Mentor!Kimi Raikkonen x Reader

Sebastian Vettel, Fernando Alonso, Lewis Hamilton x Platonic!Reader

Notes: this is full of motorsport categories inaccuracies, just go with the vibes please. There are a few inaccuracies regarding other drivers' lives, but they are just to fit the story. This chapter is very angsty and none of it is an attack at the drivers nor their fans and personalities, please.

I know I KNOW, this got out of hand, AGAIN. I promise next part (and hopefully last) is more focused on the romance, and the happy ending reader deserves.

Find me on Twitter!

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

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You spent Christmas with your mom, sharing a lot of presents and watching a bunch of stupid Christmas movies. New Year’s was now a tradition to spend with the Raikkonen Family, joined with the closest friends for a little get together. It was a good opportunity to reconnect with Kimi’s kids who missed you a lot during the season.

Charles never contacted you during winter break, which you were sure was the best after that mistake. You hated each other too much and the only thing that could come out of that was toxicity from the both of you. You refused to even acknowledge what had happened and its implications, that wouldn’t and couldn’t mean anything.

During the pre-season testing in Bahrain, you and Charles were back to whatever your relationship was before that one lapse in judgment months before.

Nobody noticed anything.

One day, Fernando pulled you aside for a little chat. You two sat side by side on big moving boxes, sipping on energy drinks.

“There’s something I have been wanting to talk to you about since last year,” he started, seemingly pensive, distant.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, yeah. Remember after we first met when you asked me if I had advice for you regarding your career?” Fernando said, and you remembered.

Right after you had gotten close, you asked him for advice, you always did, especially about racing. But one day, you were chatting about his career, and you asked if had any lessons you should never forget. He had laughed joking about read all your contracts then asking if you were calling him old, but he said if he ever had any advice, he would tell you.

“Yes, have you got my answer yet?”

“Sí, Nena,” he paused, looking deep into your eyes, “enjoy.”

You frowned and he saw the confusion on your face.

“I see much of my younger self in you, you know? The same passion, this fiery desire to win, your goal for the championship, to conquer the world…” Fernando paused, looking up to the clear sky, the sunset coming around, “And I did. But I wish I had enjoyed it more. I should’ve gone to parties, I should’ve visited the countries we went to and tried the food, I should’ve made more friends, I should’ve had more lovers… I was so focused on winning, on getting my hands on that trophy of champion of the world, that I missed out on a lot.”

You felt your eyes tear up, and you wiped it before the tears came down. Putting your hand on his shoulder, you smiled at him.

“It’s such an honor race with you. And an even greater honor to have you as a friend, Nano” you whispered to him, you two laughed as his eyes watered too, and slapping his shoulder you laughed, “don’t make me cry, you old softie!”

You took his advice to your heart.

You went to the parties, you met new people, and that’s how after two entire seasons, you managed to befriend Lando, your teammate. You two had to open your hearts a little bit and meet in the middle. Which proved to be great, the whole team loved the change in your dynamic. You still weren’t besties, but you were close colleagues, and that was great. Everyone noticed the change and it reflected on how you started racing as a team instead of individually.

The car was even better than the year before, and the first race of the season you got a promising win.

That win, Lando’s pestering, and Fernando’s advice was how you ended up in a party after the Bahrain GP. Wearing a skimpy mini dress and 5 tequila shots deep, swaying your hips to the sound of Rihanna. You were dancing and singing with Lando and a few of his friends, loudly screaming the lyrics.

When it was way too hot for you, you grabbed a water bottle and beelined your way out of the crowded dance floor. You found a corner of the VIP section where the AC seemed to be working better, and as you stumbled inside the small space, you ran chest first into someone.

“Sorry,” you said, taking a step back and pressing your back against the cold wall.

“Enjoying your win?” Your head snapped up as you recognised Max’s voice. You had run into him.

Lando had mentioned inviting Max to the party, he had gotten a P2 in the race but you doubted he would go to a party he knew you would attend. You were obviously wrong.

“You know I am,” the victory was so good that nothing could ruin your mood.

“Well, then enjoy it. I’m coming for the win, again.” He warned you but his voice was devoid of anything, just sounded like he was casually telling you about the weather. But you knew that he was implying his championship the year before, rubbing it in your face.

“Don’t be so confident, Max,” you finished your water, smirking at him, “Enjoy the view of my rear!”

You flipped your hair, feeling his eyes on you the whole walk back to the dance floor.

And yet-

Somehow-

You ended up back at that small corner, dancing with your body pressed between Verstappen’s and the wall, his hand holding your jaw firmly, you rolled your hips against him, feeling the way his body responded to yours.

“We can’t-” he said to you, still, his eyes hadn’t left your lips, like he was so oh so tempted.

You rolled your eyes, annoyed. Sober you would never do that, but then, that was a problem for later. Checking to see if anyone was looking at you, you hooked a finger around his waistband and pulled him towards the bathroom.

As soon as the two of you were inside, you locked the door and Max pressed your back against the door, latching his lips to yours in a very desperate open mouthed kiss. You hugged his shoulders, opening your lips to him, his hands went down your sides and he grabbed your ass, pulling you into him. But that wasn’t enough, so he held your thighs and pulled up, carrying you. You locked your legs around his waist, and he stopped the kiss to walk, sitting you on the marble side of the sink, still between your legs, forcing his bulge against your panties, and eliciting a moan from you.

He took a half step back to hike your dress up, palming your cunt over your panties feeling the dampness of it, he tried to press his hand under your panties, but the lacy fabric didn’t leave much space, so he simply tore the bottom of them, exposing you to him. He just ran a finger over your slit, collecting your wetness for a brief moment before pushing a finger into you. Max watched your face with concentration, studying your body’s responses. Your hips shaking at the movement of his finger, and when the second one joined, you got louder. He curled his fingers up, his thumb pressing your clit, and you had to use both hands to hold onto him, your head lolling back against the mirror.

“Take it and shut the fuck up,” he grunted between clenched teeth.

He was pressing your insides so good, the slick sound of his fingers going in and out, his heavy breathing, the loud music outside and his laser focused fingers had you coming against his fingers in minutes. When he noticed you close, cunt spasming against his fingers, he pressed the other hand against your mouth, covering your moans when your toes curled and you orgasmed on his hand.

Max barely let you recover as he opened his jeans and stroked himself twice before pushing his cock into you in one swift move, making you gasp at the sudden intrusion.

“That’s what you wanted, right? Fucking teasing me all night,” He pushed particularly hard, hitting your g-spot, making you see stars, “you’re a fucking menace, y’know that? Fucking insufferable,” then his words became a mumbling of something dutch you couldn’t quite catch anymore with the way his hips snapped against yours, taking all your focus away and turning you into a mess of moaning.

Max fucked like he raced, focused and relentless, brutal. He hugged you with one arm around your waist to keep you in place and the other held you face, tilting your head so he could kiss you, or whatever that mess of saliva, tongues and teeth was. Your orgasm crashed through you unexpectedly, and you only hugged him tighter, pressing your face against his chest, biting into his skin through the fabric of his T-shirt to silence yourself, your teeth sinking into him was enough to send him also over the edge, coming with moans against your ear.

That night, you went home with shaking legs and an incoming headache, as Max left with the scraps of your panties in his pocket and your lipstick stain on his shirt, above his chest.

It was the seventh race of the year, Monaco, and you absolutely hated that specific track since your years of F2. During your two first years in F1 you had awful experiences, the rookie year you DNF and the year prior you had barely managed a P7. You were trying to keep your head up, be hopeful that you could at least try for top 5.

But since you couldn’t catch a fucking break, an old video of your teenage years resurfaced.

You were walking to your first round of interviews when Amanda, your PR manager, started walking by your side.

“There’s something. An old video of a karting competition resurfaced, where Max and Charles pretty much call you stupid,” Amanda was always direct, you could give it to her.

“Let me see the video” you asked, offering your hand for her phone.

“We don’t have time, but everyone will ask you about it. I need you to be the bigger person and act like it isn’t important, yes? They will try to taunt you and get a bad reaction from you, I need you to dismiss everything they throw at you. Agreed?”

You sighed. You knew the stuff from your teens were pretty bad, you rarely badmouthed Max or Charles, but they always felt threatened by you, so there were lots of instances they attacked you. Honestly, you just didn’t want to come out of this victimized. So as you entered the first round of interviews, you decided you were going to downplay anything they asked you.

“Y/N, have you seen the footage of you, Max and Charles from your teenage years that resurfaced recently?”

“No, uh, I haven’t.”

Someone pushed an iPad in your hands because of course, they wanted a live reaction from you. You pressed play, reading the subtitles someone put on the video. It was an amateur recording like a post race interview made by another teenage guy. First as Max walked out of the track, the guy asked what he thought of your win.

“It was luck, she’s not bright enough to think of a strategy,” Max said, walking away, clearly pissed having lost to you.

There was a cut and the camera was turned on again when Charles walked toward the guy asking the question. He repeated exactly the same question he had asked Max.

“Y/N, I don’t worry about her long term. She’s not going very far in this sport anyway,” Charles shrugged, seemingly unbothered.

As the video cut again, it showed your face, you remembered when that was. You were 14, and your dad had dropped you a few months earlier, so you were working your ass off balancing school, work and karting.

“Hey, Y/N. What do you think of your result today?”

“Uh, I tried a new strategy I learned earlier this week, thankfully it worked in my favor,” teen-You dried your forehead with your coat’s sleeve.

“What are your plans for this competition?”

“Well, I hope to be good enough to get into F4 next year, and work my way up into Formula 1,” you smiled softly and walked away after a quick bye.

The video ended and you still spent a few seconds staring at the black screen of the iPad. This interview didn’t come to your mind in more than a decade, but it was nice seeing how you made your 14-year-old dream come true.

“So, what do you say?” The reporter extended his mic to you.

“I guess I proved them wrong, right?” You giggled a little, “don’t take it to heart, really. We were all hormonal teenagers, I’m sure if someone digs, they will find a video of me saying the same stuff about them,” you shrugged, despite that being a lie, sounded dismissive enough.

“So it doesn’t upset you?” The reporter insisted, and you knew he wanted a scandal you weren’t willing to give.

“Of course not. I’ve always known my worth, and I’m P1 in the driver’s championship as of right now. So I don’t really care.”

The interviewers soon let the video go, when they realized you didn’t care about it. You weren’t sure if anyone would also approach Charles or Max with questions about the same video, but you couldn’t care less, you wanted to avoid drama for the time being so you could focus on the championship instead of this bullshit.

On the morning of qualifying, you were in your room, trying to meditate and clear your mind, when a knock interrupted you.

“Guys, I asked for twenty minutes so I could-” you stop yourself when you realize it isn’t anyone from your team, but it’s Max and Charles, “what are you doing here?”

“We came to apologize about the video,” Max started.

“Did your PR teams send you here?” You looked around, trying to catch a camera or even a phone recording.

“No uh, we realized we were very immature with you, and this video is just proof of how silly that was,” Charles sighed, seemingly embarrassed.

“You don’t need to apologize, I mean- the two of you really had it out for me, you called me dumb a lot,” you pointed to Max, then Charles, “and you called me ugly countless times. I don’t know why it would make any difference now.”

You were just so used to being defensive, to protect yourself from hatred you found it hard to believe them, to give them a chance to apologize because you couldn’t believe it to be genuine.

“Even if you don’t take it, or believe it, I would like to apologize for that behavior. I was just a stupid kid.” Max looked deep into your eyes, which could’ve made you uncomfortable if he didn’t seem so honest.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. It was too idiotic to be like that to you, growing up. You were just a kid too.” Charles added.

You understood where that apology came from, it was stupid and embarrassing for all three of you this teenage rivalry when you all were barely mid racers back in the day. Sighing, you looked around, dropping your façade for a second, allowing yourself to display the same honesty they showed you.

It was hard and required some sort of deprogramming because you could only see them as rivals, like your dad had whispered in your brain so many times before, like their actions towards you had cemented dad’s words. They had said things that were on your mind for so long, that had made you defensive and deflective.

“Look, don’t worry about it. Whatever happened back then, it’s water under the bridge,” You shifted on your feet. As they started walking away, you added “this doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

They only nodded before leaving. Your routine went back to the same, and as the next scandal went on, people forgot about the silly video, but a very specific part of the fans started shipping you and both your rivals.

The rivalry never died down though.

Then, out of nowhere, Sebastian pulled you and Lewis aside to a conversation. Then he told you that he was going to retire by the end of the season. It was the first time the two of them saw you cry, and Sebastian hugged you tight, shushing your crying softly.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispered, petting your head.

“No, don’t apologize,” you let him go, drying your face, “I have listened to you talking countless times about how you missed the kids. Don’t apologize for choosing to be a great dad. I know Hanna and the kiddos will be ecstatic.”

“You two are my closest friends here, that’s why I wanted to tell you first, before my announcement.”

“Thank you, Seb,” you said, eyes still watering, “I’m going to miss having you around.”

“Thank you for telling us beforehand,” Lewis said, also visibly emotional.

The season was writing itself to be just as close as the year prior, but now you were slightly better at keeping the lead most.

That is until Zandvoort. This GP was always a nightmare to you, because it was full of Max’s fans, and they absolutely hated you for being his rival. You had been booed when you were on the podium the year before, so now, you and Amanda decided it was best to keep your head down during the whole week. Not out of shame, but more of a matter of safety, you didn’t know how far the crowd could go in antagonizing you. When you were booed the other year, Max had said it was part of the sport and dismissed the conversation.

The morning of free practice, you went into the paddock very low-key and kept to yourself. You arrived with a little cup of coffee and got mentally ready for a hostile environment the whole weekend. That, until you spotted a small group of people dressed with your color and wearing your number, waving wildly to you.

In a spur of the moment decision, you went there, getting close to the barrier to sign a few caps and take a few selfies. In retrospect, you knew you shouldn’t have done that, especially with only two bodyguards accompanying you.

You were finishing chatting with your fans when you felt something heavy hit the side of your head and the impact made you stumble backwards, you were confused as you heard the screams and felt one of the bodyguards pull you back, as the other jumped the barrier and started running. You patted your temple and something wet and sticky was dripping down the side of your face. You stared at the small group of fans who were looking at you horrified. Staring at the hand, you saw the red staining your fingers, and as the bodyguard kept pulling you away to somewhere safer, the thing flowed even more and  got into your left eye.

You wondered if it was blood as you touched your temple but felt nothing, not a gash nor small cut. You covered your left eye as it started to sting from what you supposed smelt like paint.

“Hey, hey, what happened? You’re bleeding!” Max jogged up to you.

“Not blood, just paint” you muttered, trying to use your coat to clean your face.

“Someone threw a paint ball at her,” the bodyguard said.

“Fuck, it’s burning!” You exclaimed, feeling tears in your left eye.

“Come here, the RB hospitality is close,” Max said, holding your wrist, he stopped shortly pointing to your bodyguard, “and you, sort this and find the person who did it.”

You let yourself be taken by Max into the RB territory, the burning so annoying that you rather take whatever solution he was thinking of. He held your waist and placed you sitting on a sink, and then you felt water streaming down your face.

“Stay still,” Max commanded, holding a hose over your head, pouring water down your face, “now blink slowly, let the water wash it,” his voice soft as you did what he told you to. Slowly but surely, it washed the paint away, relieving your left eye from the stinging. Max held the hose up and held your chin, tilting your head up so he could check your eye, still letting the water stream down your face.

You took a few minutes, breathing and regulating your heartbeat from that scare, trying to come back to normal and understand fully what was going on. From what you gathered, you were chatting with fans when someone else came and threw something with paint at you.

“How does it feel?” 

“It’s better, already stopped burning,” you told him, feeling your heart miss a beat at the close proximity you found yourself to him. You were sitting on a sink, Max standing between your legs pretty much like you two had done months before for entirely different reasons.

“Open your eye, let me see,” he asked, and you tried to blink it open, “can you see?”

“It’s a little blurry but I believe it will get better,” you explained, and he didn’t let go of your chin. Suddenly, he covered your right eye with the other hand, leaving you only with your left eye sight.

“How many fingers am I putting up?” He showed it to your left eye. The vision was a bit blurry but you still could make out the shapes very clearly.

“Four, Max. It’s just a little bit blurry, probably will get better in a few minutes” you sounded annoyed, you tried to move but he pressed a hand against your waist, keeping you in place.

“Now, what happened?” He asked finally. You ignored the proximity, and the hand still on your body.

“We’re in Zandvoort, that’s what happened,” you shrugged, really annoyed about it.

“What do you mean?” He was visibly confused. You scoffed because you knew it wasn’t something he didn’t know, since the year before he has dismissed the importance of how hostile people were to you.

“We’re massively surrounded by your fans, Max.”

“I don’t understand.”

“They hate me because you hate me, and they think because you hate me they’re justified in their hostility towards me,” You explained, with a sigh, you pushed away from Max, “this GP has been like this for me ever since Rookie year.”

“I don’t hate you,” he said, brows furrowed.

“You do. And they do too,” you pointed down at the paint that had also stained your shirt as proof.

“I don’t,” he insisted and you rolled your eyes, jumping off the sink, but he didn’t give you space, which made you stand chest to chest with him, “I promise.”

You stared at him, breathless. That wasn’t part of the game you played, being kind, sounding worried and making promises. None of that was part of this whole rivalry. Pushing his chest, you tried getting away but he caged you against the sink, body flush against yours.

“Do you believe me?” He asked and your eyes fell to his lips, and you allowed yourself to remember the desperate and chaotic kisses you had shared in a dimly lit bathroom, “I don’t support any of this behavior.”

You heard voices and steps approaching, which made you finally push him away, walking towards the door. Whatever little magic had been happening between those walls was undone the moment you remembered none of that would’ve happened if he had politely put a stop to it earlier.

“It’s part of the sport and I have to deal with it, right?” You returned the very same words he had said about you when you were booed by the crowd the year prior.

As you opened the door, you were faced with Sebastian. He stopped, taking you in and then pulling you in a hug.

“Are you ok? We just heard what happened!” He murmured, guiding you out of the bathroom. He held your shoulders and looked at your face, checking how your left eye was still a little red, “we should take you to see a doctor, come on.”

Lewis soon arrived at the entrance of the RBR station, he warned about the reporters crowding outside, waiting for a glimpse of you after the attack. The British man gave you a Mercedes coat so you put it over your head and avoid the cameras waiting outside. With the bodyguards and both Lewis and Sebastian leading you away, you ended up at the medical center, and after a quick examination, the doctor gave you eye drops to put throughout the day.

Your Principal suggested you sit the FP1 out, letting the reserve driver take your place while you recovered. By the middle of FP1, your eyesight was 100% and you went to get ready for FP2. The whole day you felt like everyone was being extra careful, tiptoeing around you. You hated feeling like you were being pitied, so when the inevitable round of interviews came, you knew what you had to do.

“We heard about your incident earlier today, how are you feeling about it?” Someone asked.

“I’m pretty upset, to be honest. Formula 1 is a sport loved around the whole world, and the paddock overall is supposed to be a safe place not only for the fans, but also the workers and drivers. What happened today is unacceptable and could’ve been much worse. I’m voicing my dissatisfaction and I intend to, through legal means, take this complaint to the FIA.”

Later that night, as you laid awake on your bed, scrolling through the repercussions of the day, you stopped when you saw a snippet of Max's interview.

“What happened today was dangerous and unacceptable, I don’t support this behavior and I stand with Y/N,” that was all he said, but Max usually was a man of few words, always knowing when it was enough.

You knew he should’ve voiced that much earlier in your career, specifically after the booing the year before, but still- He also could have opted to not say anything at all, and he didn’t.

Amanda also sent you the news that the fan who had attacked you was found and banned for life from Formula 1.

After calling Sebastian, you managed to get ahold of Max’s phone number and texted him a simple message.

Thank you. Twice. - Lioness

The text went to read almost immediately, and the three dots appeared from his side of the screen. You wait, and wait, and wait. And then the dots disappeared, and an answer never came.

After a solid P2 that weekend in Zandvoort, you went home for the summer break. You and your mom had planned to go to Monaco for a little while since you were planning on buying a place there. From there, you and your mom would go all around the French Riviera to enjoy the sea and spend a few days in a spa resort. Then, you would go back home and relax before going to Ibiza for a weekend to meet Lando and his friends to enjoy some partying.

Everything went according to plan, but one day when you came back home after the trip to the French Riviera, you found your mom passed out on the living room floor.

You called an ambulance, quickly taking her into the hospital. Everything was a blur, the tests and scans, your mom still unconscious on a hospital bed, and the results. The results that pulled the floor from under your feet.

Your brain couldn’t fully compute what was said. Cancer Stage 4. Surgery. Palliative care.

The world was muted around you as you sat on a chair in the waiting room, hands shaking when you tried to understand what was happening. You somehow ended up calling the one other person you trust.

“Y/N? What happened?”

“I don’t understand- she just- she just passed out and I thought- but- but they said- palliative care” you try to come up with words.

“Talk to me. Are you sick?” Kimi’s voice is so focused and a little soothing.

“It’s mom”

“Send your location, I’m going there,” that’s all he said.

Waiting for Kimi gave you some sense of purpose, because it’s Kimi. He could fix anything. He fixed your life when you were 14, he can do it again. He would get there and find a way to help. Your mind got so clouded when the word cancer was thrown in the conversation, that you probably missed the part about treatments and- and surgery and stuff.

In your mother’s room there was a comfortable couch where you tried to settle to sleep, but you only spent countless hours awake. You hoped to see the doctor again to try and get him to explain everything for a second time.

You wished you were smart and quick, but no, you just sat there holding onto the hope that Kimi had a way to fix this.

Kimi arrived early the next morning, knocking on the door before entering. You stood up, hugging him tight.

“What happened?”

“It’s pancreatic cancer, they said. We need to see more about surgery and- and treatments.”

You and Kimi found the doctor, who explained again, and in that moment you finally understood what he meant the first time around. She was in a late stage of pancreatic cancer, which was usually a very difficult illness to find before it is too late, due to the placement of the organ in the body and late symptoms. The only options were either to try a very risky surgery and chemo so she could extend her life for around 8 months to a year. Or she could go home to live her last few months the way she wanted.

You begged and cried and bribed and offered every single solution your brain could muster to try and save her. Kimi held you when you fell to the floor, sobbing.

When your mom woke up and you and Kimi told her the diagnosis, she cried too, sobbing in your arms as you tried to hold it together for her sake. It took a couple of days for her to choose to go home. The two of you spent the last days of summer break traveling around the world a bit more, visiting temples and statues, and seeing nature and everything good the world had to offer, going to places motorsport hadn’t taken you to.

Your mom went to every race week from there on, even when she felt especially weak, even when you had to hire a full time medical team for her. 

Your focus on the season was solely on the moment between entering the car and leaving the car. You still managed to race like you’ve done before, calm and controlled, with the help of your engineers and team, you still could put the car where you wanted it, paving your way for a solid world championship that year. It was like your brain was seeing racing as the one thing in your life you had full control over, so sometimes you even felt like you and the car were one.

You didn’t tell anyone about her. Though every driver noticed how distant you were, even Charles and Max and the ones that weren’t very close to you noticed how you were only fulfilling your obligations and leaving, you weren’t even celebrating your wins, leaving the fastest you could after a race.

The Singapore GP was tough for you, having to leave your mom home alone with the medical staff and a couple of friends from her book club, since she wasn’t strong enough to travel anymore. Your attention was failing all throughout media day and free practices. Qualifying was shit compared to your performance the rest of the season.

In Q3 you did a reasonable sector 1 and 2 but you messed up sector 3 completely. It was a complete accident when you got in the way of a Ferrari when he was doing his fast lap, and you ended up messing his qualy too. Jace let you know it was none other than Charles Leclerc, who was setting the pace for a pole position. Out of 19 drivers, you had to ruin his lap. In the end, Max got pole, Charles qualified P3 and you qualified P5.

You went through the motions during the post qualifying press. You were about to leave after debriefing, when Charles Leclerc found you on the way to the parking lot. You pulled your coat tighter around yourself protectively as he walked up to you. You were hoping to escape his fury at least until after the race the next day. Before he could even get a word in, you started.

“Look, I know I messed up your pole. I know you won’t believe me, but it wasn’t intentional. I really thought there was no one doing fast laps on the track, I thought everyone was either still doing out laps or in the pits, so when you-”

“Calm down, breathe,” he interrupted you, “I’m not here to fight.”

“No?” You frowned, confused with the kindness in his eyes.

“We know you’re going through something, and I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear this from, but you’re not alone. And you should really consider talking with someone on the grid. They’re all- we’re all worried about you.”

The words felt alien coming from his mouth, but the gentleness was so comforting you felt a lump in your throat.

“Why do you think I’m not ok?” You muttered trying to sound confident, but your voice failed, betraying you.

“You’re skinny and you look sleep deprived for a few weeks now,” Charles said directly.

“Damn, thanks.”

“I don’t mean it like that, you know it,” he paused, putting both hands on his pockets, “have you been eating?” Your lack of response made him press further, “have you eaten today?”

You pressed your lips together, not wanting to answer that.

“Let’s go, I’ll drive you to the hotel, we’ll stop on the way to grab some food,” Charles gestured to his car, a few meters away. You stood there, shocked as he started walking away, then he stopped looking over his shoulder, “come on, I don’t have all the time in the world.”

As you sat in his Ferrari, Charles put music on and you didn’t do much talking, but it was tranquil. He called the restaurant to order take out on the way, and 30 minutes later he dropped you off at the hotel with a bag full of food.

“Thank you, Charles.” You whispered before leaving the car.

You ate the food while on a video call with your mom.

You recovered well during the race, finishing P2, behind Max and ahead of Charles.

Your mom passed away a few days after the Japanese Grand Prix, the one you had won and dedicated it to her from the top step of the podium, even if she wasn’t there, just watching from home. You went home and stayed with her, holding her hands and hugging her as much as you could.

Some part of you knew she was somehow fighting, because she had promised you the year before she would be there when you became world champion. You could see she was hoping to make it to the end of the season, but you also knew she wouldn’t, and you rather she didn’t have to endure any more pain just for your sake.

“You don’t need to fight anymore, ma,” you whispered before she went to sleep, “you raised a strong woman, too. I will see you on the other side, ok? You can rest now, I love you.”

“I’m so proud of you, honey. I love you to the moon and back.”

You made it through her small funeral, following what she had written down before passing. An intimate funeral, full of flowers and a toast to her life. You cried the whole time, with Kimi and Minttu taking turns at comforting you as they could. Coming back to an empty home smelling of cleaning products made you almost lose your mind, and the sight of you in such despair was enough for Kimi to convince you to stay with them until you had to travel for the next race, in almost seven days.

The days passed in a crying blur, you let part of your team know about your mom’s passing. Only Amanda, Jace and your Principal. Jace tried to convince you to take a break and not go to the next race in Austin, but you quickly shut it off. Not only because racing was the one thing keeping you sane amidst the chaos, but because you were so close to the championship, and  it was still close competition with Max and Charles, so you couldn’t afford to lose a race and the points that could come with it.

You had to honor your mom in some way.

That’s how you ended up on a plane to Austin with Kimi and Amanda. You knew Kimi had convinced you to let him go because he was sure you’d have a mental breakdown anytime along the weekend, but deep down you appreciated the company. Arriving there, Jace was the first to hug you and whisper his condolences, as well as your TP too.

You survived the entire weekend without breaking down crying in public, but that was your worst race in a few months, the first time out of a podium since Spa. You ended up P5, which luckily wasn’t too bad because Max finished P4 which you were grateful for as he was the one who was P2 in the driver’s championship close behind you.

After that week, you packed your stuff and moved to the new condo in Monaco you had bought during summer break. Despite loving your mom to pieces, you couldn’t manage to live alone in the house you bought for her a couple of years before, it was lonely and it hit you with overwhelming waves of sadness all the time. You distracted yourself a lot with buying furniture and decorations for the new place, and discovering Monte Carlo in a whole new way. The one comfort in all that, was knowing your mom wasn’t suffering anymore.

Then you went straight to Mexico for the next Grand Prix, this time, Kimi left you because he had to come home to Minttu and the kids. Amanda had been such a support for you, that you knew you had to give her something special for the holidays, out of gratitude.

Everything was going as expected until the press conference. You were there with Charles, Max, Sebastian and Lando. You suspected they were putting you always in the same group as Max and Charles because, as the season nearing the end, only three races left, they were your close competition.

While someone asked something of Charles, you were whispering with Sebastian, chatting about Mexican foods you wanted to try after the race. Then, something bizarre happened, and phones started to ping all around the room, between reporters, cameras and everyone else started checking their phones. It seemed like something out of a black mirror nightmare.

You reached for your phone but then remembered you left it to charge in your room.

“This question is for Y/N,” a reporter asked, reading something from his phone, “there’s a new article that just came out saying your mom passed away a couple of weeks ago, is that true?”

Your blood ran cold, and every sound felt like it was muted inside the room. Wide eyed, you searched for Amanda, who was somewhere on the opposite side of the room, and when you found her, she was pale. Then, there was a cacophony of voices and cameras and questions, that made you suddenly overwhelmed.

Swallowing, trying to reassess, you found Sebastian already standing, holding your shoulders. Looking around you noticed how the other three drivers had stood up, making some sort of shield around you, protecting you from the cameras and reporters swarming around. 

“We can go, ok? Come on,” Sebastian was saying when Amanda caught up to you, leaning beside Sebastian.

“We can leave, right now,” she said, holding your hand.

Still a little confused, you nodded and let them both guide you back to your room.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for your loss,” Sebastian hugged you, running his hands on your back for comfort.

“How- how did they find out?” You ask Amanda.

“An article came out, I’m not sure. Someone was probably digging into your life, but don’t worry, I put the team on it already.”

“How do- how we diffuse this? How do we proceed? We need to address this, right?” You started blabbering, trying to wrap your head around everything.

“That was very disrespectful of them to ask like that!” Sebastian exclaimed, making you two jolt.

“We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with. Do you want me to release a note asking for privacy?” Amanda suggested.

“Can I write something and then run it by you?” You asked, she only nodded.

After a moment, both Amanda and Seb left you alone as you typed a note on your phone. You rewrote and deleted a few times before settling on something heartfelt and respectful but also, calling out the invasion of privacy.

My mom passed away a few days ago after battling with cancer for the past few months.

She had requested of me to keep it a secret until after the season was over, so I could mourn her without the weight of racing over my shoulders. 

But obviously someone went digging and disrespected not only one of her last wishes but also disrespected my grief and my right to privacy. I love my mom but I’ll not be answering any more questions about her illness or death, please respect me and respect her memory.

All the love, Y/N

Nobody asked anything over the weekend, but again, it felt like everyone was tiptoeing around you. As soon as you first saw Nano the next day, he held you tight for almost a minute whispering his condolences, and it made you almost cry again. Lewis also spared you a hug, saying if you ever needed anything, to contact him.

You survived that weekend, and decided to go straight to Brazil for the next GP instead of going back to Monaco. In São Paulo you mostly slept your worries and fears away. You had promised yourself to try and focus on the season only, to make your dream come true, to fulfill your mom’s promise in some way.

With Ferrari’s bad strategy in Mexico, they had ruined Charles’ chance at the championship. Now your only competition was Max and the Red Bull rocketship.

You rewatched the race a couple of times as you usually did, to try and catch any mistakes you or your team may have made, to fix it for the next one. But also to try and notice any weaknesses of your rivals, if it was something you could use in your own favor.

You noticed right away in the FP1 that your car wasn’t adhering to the track, you were losing balance and needed more force than usual to keep yourself in place. By FP2, you managed to control your car better, but that caused your tyres to wear off way more quickly.

Quali was one of the shittiest you’ve ever done in your career, taking you out in Q2 for the first time that year, placing you for a start at P12.

“Listen, we’ll do better tomorrow, ok?” Jace told you as soon as you entered the garage, seeing Max still out with a shot at pole position.

“Give me a few minutes to unwind, please,” you asked, dropping your helmet, balaclava and gloves at a nearby table.

You went straight to your room, searching for your phone. Immediately calling Kimi, you waited for him to pick up.

“I watched it,” he said first and foremost.

“If I do bad in the race tomorrow, and Max does well, then I’m gonna lose the championship, Kimi,” saying that out loud made you shiver in horror, “FUCK!” You screamed, kicking a chair.

“First of all, even if you did bad tomorrow, you’d still have a chance to fight for the championship in Abu Dhabi. You know that,” Kimi warned you as if he was scolding a little kid, “second of all, I never taught you this loser mindset. You’ll have to find a way to work around the problems in your car tomorrow.”

“Shit, I’m so fucked! How? How could I even-”

“Remember when I first met you? Your kart was with almost this same problem, yeah? Remember you got P2? You went ahead and fixed it. That’s what I need you to do tomorrow, don’t focus on what you can’t do, only focus on what you can do.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“No trying. Do it.”

After spending the entire night crafting plan A, B, C and Z with you strategists and engineers, you barely got any sleep, but you forced yourself to rest. In the morning, you went to the track early to meet with your team again, to run your strategies one more time, when you had an idea. You’d still follow the plans you had carefully crafted with the team, but you decided to make a Plan Star, as you had called. Interlagos didn’t have any safety car in the last two years, so it was dangerous to fully count on one. But your plan star consisted in the case of a safety car in this one specific window of laps, you’d go to the pits for hards, counting on everyone else being on old softs or mediums at that specific point in the race. But for it to work, you had to be the first of the front field to go in.

As the lights went out and you accelerated, you got already three positions up, landing in P9, and luckily, the points zone. Jace was worried in your ears, talking about the car and the tyres management. With controlled calm and Kimi’s voice in your head, you managed a few more positions in the first 14 laps, landing P7. You lost a bit of time there, since Nando was P6 and everyone knew how tough it always is to overtake him. But you eventually managed to get the position. Unfortunately, it was the moment you had to go to your first pitstop. Due to the problems in your car wearing off your tyres, you would have to go for a two-stop, which ended up costing you three positions again. But you were patient and you were rewarded when the other cars had to pit, which gave you back the four places you had lost.

The race you went on and you barely moved up or down from your P5, but you managed to concentrate.

Jace, on the other hand was sounding more and more worried about your second pit stop, about the difficulty in get closer to P4, about the P6 trying to enter DRS zone behind you, with your tyres wearing off, with the-

“Jace, I love you but please shut the fuck up, I know what to do,” you were praying for a miracle when suddenly, there was a yellow flag, and the safety car went out during the perfect window of laps, “fuck, Jace, this is plan star.”

“Copy,” he paused, his voice sounding secure, “Box, box.”

You changed into hards, no one else went to the pits, and the race restarted after three more laps. The safety car had closed the gap between you and the P4, which made you overtake him easily.

Jace was still keeping quiet to help your concentration, he only interrupted to warn you about overheating your tyres, and your velocity per lap compared to the next position. You started overtaking like a madwoman as much as your tyres allowed.

“That’s P1, Lioness,” Jace told you.

“Copy that.” You said with your voice shaken.

As you managed your P1, you went back to be aware of your surroundings, seeing a Red Bull right behind you, trying to overtake but you managed to hold position.

When you took the checkered flag, you sighed with relief, Kimi was right.

“Congratulations, Y/N! That’s a brilliant, brilliant win!” Jace’s voice was sounding shaken too.

“You’re crying, Jace?” You laughed softly.

“It’s an honor to tell you that you, Y/N Y/L/N, are a Formula 1 world champion!” Jace shouts, and behind him you can hear more people screaming.

“What? Jace you’re fucking with me!”

“No, Lioness, you’re the 2022 champion of the world!”

“But- but how? There’s one race left? And Max was right behind me!”

“No, Verstappen DNFed during that one yellow flag. Behind you was Perez.”

You made the calculations quickly in your head. Max was P2 in the championship, but this DNF meant no points, and even if he managed to win the last race in Abu Dhabi, he wouldn’t be able to equal you in points. So-

“OH MY GOD, oh my god!” You screamed your lungs out, feeling the tears streaming down into your balaclava, “Fuck yes! I’m Formula 1 World Champion! Thank you, thank you so much guys! Jace, holy shit, I’m the champion!”

“You’re the champion!” Jace confirmed.

You felt joy in a way you hadn’t felt in a long, long time, as you stopped your car on the number one spot. Still a little dizzy from the thrill, you left the car, going straight to your team, heavily waiting for you. They all hugged you, hitting your helmet, saying congratulations and everything. You took a moment to hug Jace and Amanda, who had been of great support throughout the year.

After getting weighted and being congratulated by the other two on the podium, Perez and Hamilton, the latter hugging you tight as he took you off the floor, you drank water as you waited for the post race interview with Nico Rosberg.

You were giddy, barely holding yourself together with how happy you were feeling, how you wanted to hold the trophy, how grateful you were and more importantly, how you felt a great weight being lifted off your shoulders.

“Y/N, congratulations on becoming a World Champion! I have to say, as a girl dad, it is great to see you become the first woman ever to win this title. How do you feel? What do you want to say?” Nico offered, with a kind smile.

“To be honest, I can barely contain myself. It’s such an honor to be here and be the world champion. I look at the past and see my younger self who never thought would make it to Formula 1. It’s such a dream come true, after this year’s hardships, I’m glad to achieve the greatest dream of them all!” You said, kinda quickly, rambling as you tried to put into words all the emotions mixed with the happiness, “I’m sorry, I know I’m taking up all your time, I just want to dedicated this win, and this championship to three people who saved my life: Kimi, thank you for being the salvation of my career when we first met; And my mom, who’s not here anymore, thank you for being the light in my darkest days. And lastly, I want to thank myself for working my ass off and never giving up.”

You muttered a thank you as Nico only laughed at your rambling. Before you moved to the cooldown, you grabbed the mic back again.

“May I add one last thing?” You asked for Nico, who only nodded, pointing to the camera again, “This is to my father: I made it, you asshole.”

You wanted to send the middle finger too, but you knew you couldn’t because of the FIA’s guidelines, and you were already risking a penalty for cursing on live TV. In the cooldown room, you sat beside Lewis, watching a few highlights of the race on the screen. It showed a couple of your overtakes.

“Damn, you overtook like crazy,” Lewis muttered, seemingly amazed.

“I pulled a Lewis Hamilton in Interlagos last year,” you joked, and he laughed.

That podium felt like the culmination of everything you had worked for your whole life, felt like recovering your love for the sport for what it was, for the fast cars and the adrenaline. Being on that podium in Brazil as a World Champion shifted something inside you forever. During your anthem, you laughed, and when you got the trophy, you cried, pointing the trophy to the sunny sky with a silent prayer to your mom. You barely noticed, but you felt the champagne raining on you, and opened your arms to shower in it. Putting the trophy down, you splashed the other bottle, laughing and wetting everyone that was close to you, Lewis, Checo, Jace, who had gone up representing the team.

When the celebration ended, you stayed behind a little more, watching the crowd from the podium, and they started chanting. It took you a few seconds to realize they were chanting your name.

You raised your trophy at them, and they cheered even louder. Then you pointed it to the sky again.

“Look, ma, I made it” you whispered to yourself, feeling the tears streaming down your face.

TAG LIST: @be-your-coffee-pot @supremebaddietrash @mellowarcadefun @cmleitora @kyuupidwrites @80sloverry @newlifeforus @soulaires @hrrorflm @redwolfxx @icarus-nex @jenniferrvsesi @bborra @leilanixx @hc-dutch @withyoutilltheendodthismess @is-just-a @freetimemachinequeen @saturnchase @butterfly-lover @eddiesbitch83 @elliott-calls @nb26fort @wcnorris @vellicora @mac-daddy-210 @hiraethrhapsody @losore-prone @gills-lounge @enrapturedbythemoon @formula1mount @mightiestheroes @cherry-piee @chezmardybum @whodis-26 @mortallyblueninja @f1mockingjay @dance-the-painting

[e-vay]

so… i turn thirty this year & after two failed relationships, im unsure how to have hope i’ll ever find my “person”. Ive been following you for a long time… how did you have hope that you’d eventually find someone and have a happy relationship?

If this is too intense or personal to ask, dont worry i just,,, i dont know. Its a struggle to feel like i’ll ever find The One and i know you went through something similar so… maybe you’d just have advice?

Thank you,,, i hope youre having an amazing night ❤️

I don’t mind you asking me this. If talking about the hard times I went through can help others get through it, I think it’s worth discussing. 

Like you said, I also struggled with love for a long time and after a few devastating relationships I gave up on dating altogether for a while. But, in hindsight, that ended up being a blessing because I was able to spend time bettering myself and—most importantly—learn to love myself. Yes, having a partner can make our lives richer, but I think it’s important to be able to enjoy your own company. Before, I thought the void inside of me needed to be filled by another person, so I would go out of my way to find somebody to do that without actually worrying whether or not they were the correct fit for me. Having time to focus on myself made me a better person (I think), and it ultimately ended up being for the best because I no longer felt like I was less than. Of course, I would still feel lonely from time-to-time and I’ve always been a romantic so I love the idea of love, but I got to the point where I felt fulfilled enough on my own so that when I met my now-husband, the feeling was significantly different. It wasn’t “I need to put this person in the hole that is my heart so that I can crawl my way up out of this pit,”... It was instead “Oh, this person significantly ADDS to the joy in my life” and that’s one of the reasons why he stood out to me as a partner. Though I would have liked to have met my husband sooner in life, honestly? Had we met sooner, before I matured and improved myself, we likely wouldn’t have worked out. I'm not saying you need to improve yourself. I'm just saying that that's what helped me and ended up giving me hope.

I also think society gives us too many unrealistic expectations and goals that we’re expected to meet by certain “deadlines”. Everybody moves at their own pace and has their own journey that’s unique to them. We can’t all be expected to follow the same linear path; humans are just too different. I was my husband’s very first girlfriend and he was 36 years old when we started dating. But when I’ve asked him if he’s upset/disappointed he never had a relationship before meeting me, he’s told me “No, I think we met when we were supposed to.”

Lastly, I want to address my personal beliefs on “The One.” Y’all know I’m a romantic and I do believe in soulmates, but I also believe we’re capable of having more than one soulmate. The world is too big for us to be limited to the chance of only ever finding one single person who is compatible for us. And if we miss out on meeting that one person, our chance of love is shot??? I just don’t believe that. When widows/widowers remarry, does that diminish the love they had for their late spouse? Of course not. It doesn’t mean their first love wasn’t just as important and meaningful as their new love. So, maybe you could find it helpful if you adopt this mindset as well. I think it makes the idea of romance seem less impossible.

I don’t know if this makes you feel any better but at the very least I hope you don’t feel worse for having read it! I don’t know you personally, but I wish you absolute happiness.

It's going to be okay 🙂

[mari-lair]

Let's talk about Natsukane, my favorite rarepair. They barely have anything in canon, so this will be less of an analysis and more of me going disproportionately insane about a ship between two characters with no screen time together. Buckle up.

To start: They are opposite sides of the same coin.

During an official quiz to see what character best matches your personality (full quiz here) Akane and Natsuhiko's results are side by side, following the same path, so they have a lot in common.

Both are the extroverted and passionate kind of people who confess first, both like to exercise, and both have secrets, only differing on the question "Are you stubborn?" which makes sense, since Natsuhiko is usually pretty laidback while Akane is stubbornness incarnated.

Despite all these similarities, the results and 'advice' for each result are very different.

Akane is "Do your best to help your loved ones. Life can be unfair, but keep working hard." vs Natsuhiko's "People trust you. Make connections, they will help you in the future."

Give and take.

Akane is selfless to the point of concern for his loved ones, putting other needs above his own. Take Aoi for exemple: He wants a lot from Aoi, her attention, her love, her hand in marriage, but above it all, he wants her to be happy, always doing what he believes she will appreciate even when he personally doesn't enjoy it, cause if she is happy, so is he.

Aoi drives this impulsive and passionate boy crazy, but when Akane learns that she likes him back, and their kiss gets interupted, the only thing he demands of her is for Aoi to be in his life. His priority is for her to feel loved and safe, not to be her boyfriend.

Natsuhiko is also extremely down bad, but he is more selfish: Most of what he does has the goal to steal Sakura's heart, and he approaches her doing things that he likes (love songs, dramatic film-like dates, etc) not things that Sakura has personally ever shown any interest in. I don't think he even realizes he does that because Natsuhiko genuinely values Sakura and is in awe of her, we see him doing whatever she asks, we see him make tea for her, ask Mei to fix her elephant cup, be willing to 'become a woman' when Sakura gets a male body, and shows his devotion to her many times.

He genuinely pays attention to her. He is trying his best.

We don't have much to work with Natsu and Sakura, so this is more speculation, but it feels like he expects to be loved back, becoming more selfish when he is particularly desperate: Like trying to touch her whenever he can even after being consistently reprimanded for it, and going as far as to try to give Sakura a love potion that would force her to love him back for a day, prioritizing being loved.

Akane is old-fashioned when it comes to love, he'll date expecting it to end in marriage and push away all else, being open about his affection and lack of interest alike. A relationship is a lifelong commitment to Akane, no fooling around!

Natsuhiko also takes romance seriously, but he is no loverboy, he is a playboy.

We don't know if he ever dated or kissed a girl before Sakura, but we do know his love for Sakura doesn't stop him from flirting around. He was even down to kiss Nene for no real reason besides 'cute girl', claiming that being hit is a normal reaction, so he tried to kiss more people before (I'm assuming Sakura is the one rejecting his kisses, but there could be other cute girls he tried to kiss before, who knows?)

Akane doesn't like that.

One of the few times they are in the same panel shows Natsuhiko basking in the attention of many girls while Akane looks done with him.

I am pretty sure Akane has not seen Natsuhiko before this point, so Akane took one look at him and went 'the vibes are off, fuck this guy'. Meanwhile, I doubt Natsuhiko spared Akane any thought, he doesn't care about Akane as a person.

Natsuhiko is a friendly guy but he is detached from his peers, he can find charm in people easily and discards them just as easily: Wanting to kiss Nene, going 'oh well' about her lifespan. Doting on Mitsuba, hurting him when Mitsuba still had no Yorishiro. Not hanging out with anyone from his class, or mentioning a family. He is so detached from people, and supernaturals alike, that he is fine with destroying the world for Sakura.

Meanwhile, Akane judges people easily and grows attached to them just as easily. Reprimanding Nene for being too soft on Hanako, but consistently helping her out, and showing care for her. Forgiving Teru's consistent bullying after he is helped and even growing a reluctant fondness for the clock keepers that ruined his life.

Akane is described as a good person by his peers, and Natsuhiko is a self-proclaimed bad guy. Akane has a belief human lives are fragile and precious ever since he was 12 and nearly lost Aoi during his orientation day. Natsuhiko can't die, and he doesn't care when people die.

They are on opposite sides in every sense of the word but they have a lot in common.

Both are seem as easy to take advantage of: predictable fools who love their crush, but they are smart people who can read others well, and know how to weaponize what they have available.

They haven't interacted with each other all that much so they seem to have this 'predictable fool' view of each other too. Or at least, Natsuhiko does.

Both have brown/red hair.

Both have no self-preservation, and easily forgive or brush off when others physically hurt them. They don't fear death.

They are shields, the guards.

Both are pawns of someone else, Akane's boss is the clock keepers and Natsuhiko's is Sakura, their goals come second to their boss's orders most of the time. They have no interest in each other personally but they work for supernaturals whose main obstacle are each other.

I doubt they'll have more interactions, but what we have is enough to have fun.

The broadcasting club clearly considers Akane the weak link of the clock keepers, so imagine Natsuhiko was tasked to get Akane's trust, coach him into destroying the yorishiro, playing the long game, similar to how he and Sakura were chill waiting for Mitsuba to find a Yorishiro.

Akane is the most stubborn of the two, and he sees Natsuhiko as untrustworthy, so I can't see him falling for his 'reliable and kind senpai✨' charade, but I can see him being arrogant enough to fall for the 'this guy is a dumbass' vibe Natsuhiko emanates in waves. Akane has the disadvantage of caring too much too fast, people show him kindness and he is unconsciously inclined to reply in kind, people are insensitive to others and he gets angry, so he isn't that hard to approach or drag around if you learn to ignore his complaints. They can have a lot of 'bonding time' regardless if Akane actually vibes with him.

I think Natsuhiko would have a detached respect for Akane. Cause while Natsuhiko isn't a kind person, I do believe he appreciates kindness.

Take Mitsuba's surprise party for example: The party was clearly Sakura's idea. Natsuhiko is more interested in pleasing Sakura throught it than in cheering up Mitsuba, using the party planning as a way to bond and celebrate with Sakura.

But despite having no blush, no comment, no spark in his eyes when he looks at Mitsuba being happy, he does seem to feel a hint of something that makes him ask Tsukasa to chill.

So kindness is possible it simply doesn't come easy for him, is not something that has a big sway on his decision. He likes being a bastard way more, look at how happy he is to do Sakura's evil schemes!

So Akane would be a pain in the ass for him. Maybe even pluzzling but mostly an annoyance that's prone to getting violent when Natsuhiko says 'the wrong thing', be it verbal violence or a punch in the face.

And Natsuhiko would absolutely say the wrong thing.

He is a decent liar, very disarming, and hard to read. But he is also careless, he may be able to make someone like Kou lower his guard even when the young exorcist's instincts go "You are sooo suspicious" but Akane isn't dismissive of these things. (compare how Kou was able to dismiss Hanako's murder after seeing the ghost do a good deed in chapter 9 while Akane still eyes Hanako harshly to this day)

Will Natsuhiko put effort into looking like he is Akane's buddy? Will he take him on friendly hang-outs at the broadcasting club? Yes. Will he stop being dismissive about other people? Will he stop flirting with many girls? No. Even if Natsuhiko gets swept by Akane's passion and genuinely tries to help, like offering Akane a love potion so he can 'get' Aoi or taking him to have a 'glow up' in the mall, it wouldn't work, cause their approach is too different. Who he is and the 'kind and reliable senpai' image he wants to sell clash.

So we have a lack of trust that doesn't go away, for every nice thing Natsu shows, he has an equally bad trait. Either Akane doesn't drop the 'yo you suck' attitude or he finds himself relaxing, only to be slapped in the face the next day at the reminder Natsuhiko may be able to disarm him with idol songs, bad love advice, asking Akane for his assistance, but he is still not a good person.

Speaking of disarming, here is a tiny tangent: Natsuhiko is the only character who gets a comment on how he smells, not even Ao-chan and Teru, who are complemented in every way possible get comments on their smell. This means Natsuhiko must either wear supernatural perfume or have a natural smell that attracts supernaturals.

And I do think it's only supernaturals that he attracts since cats, who are heavily associated with yokai in Japan, love Natsuhiko, and Tsukasa says he smells 'yummy'.

Plus when he is walking with Nene, a delicious Kannagi, every monster has its eyes on Natsuhiko. They want to bite him, not Nene.

Assuming any supernatural finds his smell appealing, it would confuse Akane to think Natsuhiko smells real nice when no one else does, cause he hates the guy? What do you mean he is not wearing a strong fancy perfume and only Akane thinks he smells nice? What is going on? If he directly asks wtf is Natsuhiko's problem, he would not be helpful "Another victim, fallen for my irresistible wise senpai charm-"

They are a walking headache to each other.

The plan to get Akane's trust won't work in the end, no matter how much information on supernaturals Natsuhiko shares, or how many tea parties they attend to, so the inevitable betrayal would end in violence. Threaten Aoi, create a trap, make Akane be in serious danger so the other keepers are forced to show up and save him.

Perhaps, when Akane is dying and Natsuhiko looks down as he bleeds and resists and fights he realizes he does feel something more than apathy and frustration for Akane. But alas, it is not worth figuring out if is respect, admiration, care, or whatever, it's a bother regardless but still worthless since it would always end like this.

Now, let's slap a crush into this mess.

Natsuhiko's type is calm and quiet, harsh on the outside and kind on the inside. A beauty that feels unapproachable.

Which is both the complete opposite of Akane (Akane is loud and stressed 24/7) and spot on (Akane is harsh in his bluntness but kind at heart + he is a popular boy that others naturally orbit towards)

Natsuhiko getting a little crush on Akane would be a nightmare because he would not notice he has a crush. He has a strong belief boys can't like other boys, needing to 'become a girl' to excuse still having feelings for Sakura after she gets a male body.

So he wouldn't notice whatever positive feeling he got is a crush, but he would still be unbearable. Probably call him Akane-chan cause that's a feminine name. Cute.

Akane wants him dead and it has nothing to do with his bad guy vibes, it's mostly cause Natsuhiko flirts a lot. He insists it's nothing but he got that flirty vibe that is very punchable, like calling him 'kitten' and adding 'no homo' if Akane bluntly rejects him. Respecting his space when Akane is on edge but trying to test his luck and be touchy the second Akane shows any signs of lowering his guard, casual bro stuff like noggies. He will need a character arc cause Akane is sure he is either unbearable by nature or his ulterior motive is to go on a few dates with him and discard him after ike the playboy Natsuhiko is. He doesn't take his 'fondness' seriously at all but being harsh is pretty attractive to Natsuhiko, makes the rare signs that Akane cares appear all the more soft.

Imagine Akane saving Natsuhiko in a panic when he 'sacrifices' himself to a big beast (akane doesn't accept others pulling the 'I will die for you' card on him, not even other supernaturals), only to kick Natsuhiko back into danger the second this immortal and sturdy guy starts to swoon about how "Akane-chan is so kind, worried about me <3 " . That's the vibe.

Natsuhiko pays more attention and is more influenced by the people he like, so he would actually make an effort to figure out why Akane is so hardworking, and tries to be kind, to do little things to help him, which serves to confuse Akane but make him a bit more willing to accept his company. They are still a headache to each other but there is care, and way more confusion involved, since Natsuhiko may have to experience a lot of trial and error but his attempts to get closer to Akane and make him happy are genuine. Akane is way more indulgent than Sakura, so while he won't drink any suspicious love potion and things of sorts, he can be dragged to Karaoke and easily manipulated with a pathetic 'Akane-chan, I need your help pls :(' cause he has a helping complex. (Unless is after he catches Natsuhiko doing something morally reprehensible, in that case, Akane will not tolerate even breathing the same air as him and go full judgement more.)

Akane doesn't know how his life has been spiraling but he blames Natsuhiko.

Their difference in morals will always be cause for complications, but if it's in a canon universe it's worse, cause Natsuhiko will have to betray Akane, and hurt this strange new love that keeps him at arm's length but has shown signs of believing he can be 'less of an asshole' becomes an actual dilemma. Something he isn't used to.

Akane being the one to fall in love would be a completely different vibe, easier to imagine in a messier part of his life, when the clock keepers contract is still new and everything is more confusing, maybe he hasn't figured out that the accident with Aoi was staged to recruit him, so he isn't as wary and hateful of the supernatural world yet, relieved to see another fellow human familiar with supernaturals, since Teru is someone worthy of respect but still very violent and closed off.

Akane would also have a crisis and push aside the idea of being intrigued by this strange upperclassman, who smells nice and hides many secrets, cause the idea of falling for someone who isn't Aoi will destroy him. He is extremely stubborn and loyal. He will snuff the crush out by force, avoid him at all costs, be more susceptible to manipulation, althought not noticibly at first..

What if Aoi doesn't exist, what if is just Natsu?

Then he can be openly devoted, and the appeal is to ask the question "What would happen if Akane fell in love with a bad person?" How much is he willing to forgive, and change himself. What made him fall in love? What is a line he can't cross (ex murder) and how does he deal with Natsuhiko crossing it?

Akane is selfless and prioritizes making him happy, so Natsuhiko would feel kind of bad. He is so used to being ignored, that he says whatever, and being treated with respect or awe is so out of the norm?? He does have a conscience.

Natsuhiko admires love, and it is convenient that Akane will sacrifice his happiness for him and ask for nothing in return, but it leaves a heavy vibe you know? Like, it's cute that he'll blush if he casually puts his arm around Akane's shoulders and drags him close, as he does with his kouhais, but Natsuhiko is not a fan of the soft longing stares. He will make him do tasks though, if Akane is so happy to help, he can buy him sodas and sing his praises.

Let's light up a bit with simple mutual pining, no other crushes, no supernaturals.

They are both too bold and hopeless for pining, a confession happens one week during this scenario and any issue is solved with the power of love. Natsuhiko is having a crisis about liking a boy? No worries, Akane is more than comfortable with cross-dressing, I will never get over how he got offended they didn't let him crossdress if it would let him stay by Aoi's side in a volume cover, and Natsuhiko is easily swayed, this much devotion would make him accept Akane with or without a skirt. Is hopeless romantic to hopeless romantic communication.

As an established couple they are unbearable. They call each other "my boyfriend <3" and giggle about it like losers, and every daydream Natsuhiko has become true. Does Natsu want to be missed? Akane will mention how he wishes they lived together and how he longs for him in class and if asked he will write a song about how much he loves him. Does he like romantic dates? After taking Akane to three of those, Akane is already the one surprising him by preparing a candlelight dinner. Any gifts they give each other are well taken care of. There are hearts permanently floating by their head. Outsiders are horrified.

Natsuhiko wanted so bad to be the knight in shining armor, the reliable senpai, but Akane was built to be a worrier who doesn't vibe with asking for help, he is the one taking care of Natsu 90% of the time.

Imagine Natsuhiko daydreaming of having Akane run into his arms scared of an approaching storm, only to be startled by thunder and instinctively jump into Akane's already extended arms. That's the vibe.

Akane would find it cute too.

Marriage may scare Natsuhiko, or at the very least make him uncomfortable, a forever is a bit reckless right? Let's just enjoy the moment, haha. So Akane drops the proposals, but he still daydreams about it. His fear of marriage can make Akane possessive when Natsuhiko winks at any cute girl, but he knows Natsuhiko has fun with it, and that he loves Akane the most, so he is very forgiving.

Bonus: Their height difference is pretty nice. Natsu is a full stair step taller than Akane.

[99mrkie]

PAS DE DEUX - L.HC

Title - Haechan And Haerin.

prologue - "You're just jealous i got the talent and you have to work extra hard to keep up."

genre - ballet romance, slowburn ish, rivals to lovers, smut(?), tragic romance, kinda ansgty, not your typical rivals to lovers.

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The crisp morning air fills Haechan's lungs as he stretches before his early ballet class. His muscles strain and groan, but he pushes through, determined to give his all to his craft. The sun has just started to peek over the horizon, lending a soft pink hue to the Seoul below. Haechan takes a deep breath, letting the familiar scent of the dance studio to set any grogginess' he might have.

He knows that his rival, Haerin, will be there too. Their unspoken competition pushes them to be better, but it also drives a wedge between them. A sour patch in their relationship.

As he contiunes to stretch, the door to the studio opens with a soft creak. He doesn't have to look up to know who it is. Haerin, his constant pain to his side has arrived to the studio.

She's wearing the same determined expression that she always has when she enters the room, they both know that being the first one in the studio is a sign of dedication and hard work. Neither of them ever wants to be the last to arrive.

Without a word, they continue their warm up routines. The tension between them is palpable — but it's also laced with something else, an unspoken understanding of each other that neither one will say outloud. Their rivalry manifested due to being so similar, their immense passion to their work, they share the same dreams and goals. But on days like this, when it's just the two of them in a quiet studio, the air feels charged with something else, something that cannot be put into words.

Haerin glances up from her warm-up and smirks towards Haechan, who was across the studio. "Early again, i see," she says with a hint of mockery. "Finally trying to catch up?"

Haechan rolls his eyes but can't help but respond with a retort of his own. "I could say the same about you. Can't start your day without being beaten by me first?"

She snorts and shakes her head, stretching her arms further. "In your dreams, Lee."

Haechan gives her a smirk, his own stretch mirroring hers. "Oh, trust me, you're a regular feature in them. Usually, it's you losing ground to me."

Haerin huffs in annoyance, her competitive spirit flaring up at his words. "Please, i'm not the one who overslept and rushed in here late last week." Haechan laughs, an almost mocking sound at Haerin's attempt to insult him in any way.

"And i'm not the one who messed up that pirouette sequence last performance."

Haerin's eyes narrow, her gaze sharpening on him. "That was one time. At least i haven't tripped over my own feet on stage like you did two months ago.

He winces at that comment but quickly recovers with a scoff. "Ah, that. Just a minor slip. Adds character to my performances, you know?"

Haerin rolled her eyes, the smirk on her face tugging on her thin lips. "Oh, and here i thought you were all grace and precision. Turns out you're just clumsy."

The dancer gives her a glare from the sideline. "I'm not clumsy. I just experiment with new moves." He protested, but all he earned from the girl in front of him was an eyebrow raise. Haerin was not buying whatever excuse he can give.

"Is that what you call it when your foot slips and you crash into the wall in front of a full house?"

Feigning innocence on her face, Haechan's ears heat up in embarrassment, but he stubbornly refuses to let her get under his skin like this.

"It was one time. And everyone thought it was part of the show."

The ballerina crossed her arms over her chest as a chuckle escapes, her tone tinged with mock. "Oh, yes, because the started gasps of the audience and your awkward recovery were definitely a planned act."

He crossed his arms, again mirroring her posture. Stubbornly he held to his pride refusing to back down.

"At least i'm not the one who gets stage frights and forgets her steps. I've never seen someone freeze like a deer in headlights during an entire dance."

Haechan watches as Haerin turns away from him, her back rigid and her expression schooled into a neutral coolness. He knows exactly what she's doing - downplaying their argument and trying to claim the upper hand. He let's out a frustrated breath, his competitive nature ignited.

"You always do this, you know," He mutters. "Turn your back and act like you're above it all. Like you're so much better than me."

Haerin glances over her shoulder, her eyes glinting with determination. "And you always react the same way. Getting all riled up and defensive. It's like you can't handle the fact that i might just be better than you."

He bristles at her words, his jaw clenching. "Please. You wish you were better than me. You're just jealous i got the talent and you have to work extra hard to keep up."

The girl slants a quick scoff when hearing his words being uttered, she twirls a lock of her hair around her finger. "Talent is one thing, but talent without discipline and dedication gets you nowhere. You think just because you have natural ability, you can afford to slack off? Wake up, Lee Haechan, the world is bigger than that."

They stood on opposite realms now. Haechan can just feel his irritation growing more and more. "Don't lecture me about dedication and discipline. I've worked my ass off to get where i am. it's not just talent that brings me to the top spot. Maybe if you actually tried to push yourself instead of living in your own bubble—”

Just as Haechan was about to go on with his retort, the other students start to trickle into the studio. Their murmured conversations and footsteps breaking the tension, Haechan and Haerin are suddenly brought back to reality.

They abruptly broke eye contact, their faces returning to their usual cool expressions. The teacher enters last, a stern but fair presence that instantly silences the room.

Everyone quickly took their place, including Haechan and Haerin, their unspoken beef was still hovering in the air between them. But they push it aside for the craft of their own.

2024 ©️ @99mrkie please do not copy all rights belong to me.

[milkyboybluewriter]

The Disappointing Case of Wendy Corduroy

Wendy Corduroy has a lot of potential, but too often is pushed to the side by a lot of fans, and even by her creator.  But not for lack of trying, or an interest in the character.  In fact, Alex’s idealised view of Wendy may have been her greatest obstacle in receiving a story of her own.  Dipper isn’t the only one who seems to consider her ‘the coolest person he knows.’

Wendy was inspired by the first girl who ever spoke to Alex Hirsch, as well as several people the creative team thought were cooler than them. These were likely special memories or people in order to base a fictional character on them.  But that puts her on a pedestal.  And when someone puts you up there, it’s hard for them to take you back down.  Either for fear of ruining you or concern that, when others look closer, they’ll be disappointed in what they see.

He wanted her to be a main character (in the same way Soos is, if not Stan, Dipper, or Mabel) but in many ways Wendy feels like a side character.  She never receives her own episode, and lacks the character arc that even some side characters like Pacifica and Robbie received.

Her family, her friends inside the Shack and out, her physical abilities and survival skills, the drama of being a teenager, not to mention being a resident of the weirdest place on Earth.  All of these can lead to a hundred stories across the spectrum.  So why do people not write more stories about her?

Maybe it’s because she wasn’t given the opportunity that others had.  

As a cool, older redhead, Wendy’s main role in the show was being Dipper’s crush.  Which already puts her at a disadvantage because it means they designed her purpose first, character second. In fact, this is probably why she changed so drastically from her vegan-hippie prototype seen in the Gravity Falls bible.  Everything from her boots to her hat has changed since then, save the way she makes Dipper’s heart go faster.  

Most of her appearances in season one featured this one-sided romance and Dipper’s attempts to impress her, which usually resulted in a morality lesson about being yourself and not doing dumb stuff to impress others.  Pretty standard cartoon crush territory.  But between the episodes, a real friendship bloomed. 

In The Time Traveller's Pig, she gives an indifferent shrug as she casually agrees to go to the fair with Dipper, yet before her injury - and in the timeline where she avoids it altogether - she’s shown to genuinely enjoy his company.  A couple of episodes later and she’s outright excited at the prospect of working alongside Dipper at the pool.  They have regular movie nights.  They crack jokes and tease the Shack’s customers.  Climb trees and play at the arcade.  Wendy spends more time with Dipper than any other character.  Which means she must care about him more than she does the rest.

The crush might be one-sided but the affection is not.

But in the DVD commentary of Into The Bunker, Alex Hirsch, Matt Chapman, and Rob Renzetti mention that fan feedback convinced them to end Dipper’s crush sooner rather than later, even supposedly having ‘KILL THE CRUSH’ as one of their main story goals for season 2.  Understandable.  The crush episodes weren’t always the best, and if it was always intended as an unrequited attraction then better to get it over with rather than draw it out.  And it’s a good lesson to have a young boy learn, especially around twelve.  Love and puberty are relatable, but no less frustrating for it.

Into the Bunker is my favourite episode for multiple reasons, not least for Wendy’s presence in it.  She shows off her friendship with Dipper in the cold open, reveals her lumberjack and fighting skills later, and shows she would be an excellent adventurer.  I see it as a prime example of What Could Have Been.  I especially adore the ending, where she lets Dipper down so gently, it’s a beautiful scene.  As sad as Dipper feels, he’s also been told by someone very special to him that he’s very special to her too.  Maybe not in the way he wants, but perhaps in an even more important way.  

I had high hopes after that episode.  I remember thinking this meant she would develop beyond just being his crush, especially now we’d seen her hold her own against the weirdness and danger.  I really wanted to see more of this adventurous, sensitive Wendy we’d missed in season one, and wanted her to be a regular companion and friend to the twins.

Wendy appears in 16 episodes in the first season, and 15 episodes in the second if you don’t split Weirdmageddon 3 into two.  In season one she appeared in but didn’t participate in the adventure of key episodes like Dreamscaperers or Gideon rises.  In season two, she joins the adventure in Society of the Blind Eye, The Last Mabelcorn, and the Weirdmageddon trilogy, but has limited interaction or story impact in most episodes, save Love God.   She only has what amounts to cameo appearances in Not What He Seems and Tale of Two Stans, two of if not the most important episodes of the series.  

Including each of the Weirdmageddon trilogy, she’s referenced via Dipper’s lingering crush six times, including episodes she doesn’t even appear in.  So, after Into The Bunker, Wendy goes from being Dipper’s crush to…his crush that appears less.  

Wow, they really failed that Kill the Crush mission, didn’t they?

Perhaps the biggest issue is that she is so keenly tied to Dipper.  I love the Dipper and Wendy relationship, I could write a massive essay on that alone.  But it is such an incredible waste that she didn’t get a chance to interact with the others nearly so often. Every other main character has relationships with others.  Soos has a father-son bond with Stan as well as a friendship with the twins.  Ford was introduced later in season 2 and still interacts with Soos and Fiddleford as well as his family.  It’s a hindrance to her character that most of her interactions were for Dipper’s arc, yet she received nothing of her own.  

Wendy spends some time with Mabel, trying to help her with boy trouble (not the best person to get dating advice from, Mabel) in Hand That Rocks the Mabel and Society of the Blind Eye, then goes along with the girls to keep them safe in Last Mabelcorn.  This lets us see her affection and big sister vibes don’t end with Dipper, and should have been explored far more.  Her interactions with Soos and Stan are also limited, mainly to the workplace.  Her only dialogue with Ford is one line in Journal 3.  

Yet we also never see her be by herself.  We never see her home life, or how she entertains herself away from her friends or work. She's always interacting with a main character or her group of friends.  No alone time or personal interests are seen beyond pranks and reading magazines to avoid work.

We even get to see Robbie Valentino’s home life and musical hobbies, but not hers.

This lack of independent material has even continued in the Book of Bill where two of her very limited mentions is in regards to Dipper being stuck on a tree and another is his search history.  Even her own dream is made into a joke at Dipper's expense.  Ten years later, and so much of her is tied to Dipper, specifically to mock his feelings for her.  I don’t know if that’s more insulting to Dipper or Wendy at this point.

Speaking of dreams, let’s get to another issue: her mother.  Who we know nothing about.  In a show so heavily focussed on mysteries, the fate of Mrs Corduroy is a question that’s been left hanging since season one and we have come no closer to an answer of any kind.  Even a direct question from fans on both the Alex Hirsch and Bill Cipher AMAs were answered so vaguely they told us nothing.  She’s no longer with her?  A Fountains of Wayne reference?  Even the Book of Bill’s reveal that Wendy dreams about her most nights says nothing.  Are these good dreams?  Nightmares?  Memories?  The implication is that she’s dead, yet not even that has been confirmed.  For all we know, Mrs Corduroy could be dead, missing, abandoned her family, or could be working on an oil rig for the summer.  Your guess is as good as anyone’s by this point. 

We know she’s Manly Dan’s oldest and his only daughter, but we didn’t even learn her brother’s names until a paste up sheet was released in 2017.  She barely shares a scene with any of them, and when it happens it’s in the background.  The only exception I can think of is their group hug in the Fearamid.  A tender moment which would have been so much better if we’d actually seen her engage with them beforehand.  Her lack of interaction is especially jarring considering her confession in Society of the Blind Eye:  "Okay, I'm not actually laid back. I'm stressed, like, 24/7. Have you met my family?"

Not really, no.  And for a show that’s about family as much as it is about mystery, it’s a shame that Wendy is let down in both areas.  

Even side characters like Robbie, Pacifica, and Grenda receive more character development, despite their limited importance or screen time.  In fact, it was recently pointed out to me that Archibald Corduroy, Wendy’s ancestor, is more integral to Pacifica than his own descendant.  Once again, Wendy’s interactions come up short, including from her own family.  

With the release of the Book of Bill, some people were hopeful that she might finally get some attention.  I wasn’t.  Personally, I think Bill simply has a low opinion of Wendy anyway since he called her a pushover in his AMA, so it can be fitting he doesn’t mention her often.  But it’s also the context of these mentions, and those on the website.  On Thisisnotawebsite.com she’s referred to twice - Her one contribution is a simple note where she pranks the reader.  Then she’s mentioned in Stan’s list of embarrassing moments.  

Ten years later and not only are her contributions incredibly minor, but they’re as much to do with other people as herself, if not more so.  She’s supposed to be a main character but she might as well be a cameo.

Her lack of representation is so bad, that I realised my friends were celebrating her being mentioned in The Book of Bill.  That’s how desperate we’ve become for Wendy material.  And I’m sick of it.   At this point, I’m anticipating a Wendy story as much as I am Winds of Winter.

Last month I was discussing some of my writing ideas with my father.  And he gave me a very hard truth: it doesn’t matter how good your ideas are, if you don’t act on them, they’re only ideas.  And he was absolutely right.  It doesn’t matter how great these ideas are in my head, if they’re only in my head then what good are they? 

Hirsch has been saying for years he’s wanted to do more with Wendy, but he hasn’t. Not in the show, the comics, or the other material.  Intentions, like ideas, are useless if you don’t do something about them.

I honestly hate how harsh this sounds.  I love Gravity Falls.  And I love Wendy.  And I believe Alex Hirsch does too, he just…doesn’t know what to do with her.  As he says in the Inconveniencing commentary: “We wanted to honour her so much that we couldn’t figure out the right episode with her because we didn’t want to mess her up.”  He’s put her on a pedestal just like Dipper did.  And I think she needs to come down so we can see how awesome she really is.

So, what can be done to fix this?  Well, when creators don’t have the time, interest, or ability to do something for a series, that leaves the fans to fill in the gap.  

I urge other Gravity Falls enthusiasts to try and give her the attention and character development she sorely deserves, especially now there’s a resurgence of activity and interest.  Draw or write her if you can, have her interact with other characters, not just be a crush, explore her depths.  And if you can’t, seek out those who have or can and ask their advice, or thank them for their work, offer encouragement.  For Wendy if not for them.

I want to leave this on a happier note and say that I’m going to follow this up soon with another essay, this time offering advice on writing Wendy.  Even talented writers I admire have surprised me by saying they struggle to write her, yet I’ve found it pretty easy.  So hopefully I can encourage other people to write her too.   

But if I could summarise what I want to see and what I think will help people write Wendy, it would be this: She’s not just Dipper’s crush, and she’s not just the cool girl.  She’s bigger than that.

She’s Wendy Flippin’ Corduroy and she deserves so much more.

Cheers, Milky Boy Blue

[jellycrusher]

Wolves and Lambs: Part 1

Alpha Max Verstappen x Omega fem!driver

Genre: Series, Omega verse, Enemies to Lovers, Romance, Eventual smut

Synopsis: Male Alphas are the ones who dominate motor sports all around the world, especially Formula 1. It is a well known fact. Females in general nor Female Omegas are never heard nor encouraged to join the sport since the 1950s. Well, up until now...

Word Count: 2.4k

Chapter's Premise: "How could I forget? The reckless rookie during FP1. Almost crashed into me."

Parts: W&L masterlist / general masterlist

"How does it feel to be the only female alpha here on the grid?" The reporter extends his mic to you during the last press conferences on the last F2 Grand Prix in Abu Dhabi.

Here we go again. "It doesn't feel any different. Everybody here puts out their all when racing and I do that too. Outside of race week, I could say that they're like my younger brothers. It's fun."

"Congratulations again for your promotion to Formula 1 for the next season. Do you have any expectations? Any goals coming in to next year?" At least this reporter is not sexist unlike the others.

"I have been the test driver for Aston Martin for almost two years now. I'm grateful that I've been given the seat alongside Fernando Alonso. Any expectations? I've seen how hard everyone works back in the factory. I hope we develop a better race-winning car. My goal is definitely to win a Grand Prix." You can't help but smile at the thought that your next career move is inching closer and closer now.

"Thank you very much. That's y/n y/l/n, everyone. Your 2023 F2 World Champion." You bid goodbye to the reporter while your Press Officer ushers you to the next reporter.

After your meeting with the Aston Martin Team, your assistant tugs your shirt to signal you to walk to Mike Krack, the team principal.

"Here comes our favorite female driver!" He enthusiastically opens up his arms to welcome you in a tight hug. "Are you ready for the next season?"

"All good. I'm itching to jump in the car and drive." You chuckle as he release you from the hug.

"Hello sir. I just would like to go through something with you." Megan, your assistant, clears her throat which caught the attention of your new team principal. "I just informed y/n that you are aware of her true classification. I want to know how do we handle it from here."

You freeze in your spot as you observe Mike's face. It was astounding that your team principal is still very much determined to add you to the lineup despite knowing that you are not an Alpha, rather an Omega. He assures that he didn't care about it but what he looks for in a driver is talent, grit, and passion.

All your former team in F3 and F2 were never made aware of this fact, even until now. You never had a problem with this secret since your heat haven't arrived yet. At 25, you were considered a very late-bloomer, Normally, one would have their first heat at around 17-20 years old. If you were asked, you prefer it to never arrive at all. Better that way, at least it won't affect you during your races if ever it comes unexpectedly.

Ultimately, you had to force your manager to be upfront with Mike Krack. She was hesitant at first but you knew it was inevitable. The first one is always unpredictable and is affected by your emotions. It's better if your contract stays intact and won't be affected by it.

"We'll keep it under wraps. Limit the people within our team. I know a few people in the media so if this gets out, we can control it. I'll do everything that I can to keep a talent such as yours." Mike pats your back as he noticed you keeping quiet at Megan's side.

It's a wonder that you were able to keep it a secret up until now. It's not that it's forbidden to have Omegas as drivers in motorsport. There were a few male Omegas and only one female Omega before. She drove for one season and retired on the next. It was a very brief stint. Since then, no female omegas were ever able to climb up to Formula 1. Well, not until you but it's a secret. For now.

Of course you want to make a name for yourself. Not just being the first female driver since the 50s but a female Omega. It's something to be proud of. Although, majority of the people are still against it and will surely doubt your talent before they even see it.

Most of the people in the paddock that are either managers, mechanics, presenters, race engineers, and PR officers are almost all Betas and a few are only Omegas; just to name a few. The drivers and team principals are almost entirely Alphas.

You remember Megan mentioned that two of the drivers on the 2024 grid are Omegas but you forgot the names. Well, she also painfully reminded you to keep your classification a secret from them so forgetting who's who is not actually a bad thing.

Back in your F3 and F2 days, whenever Alpha drivers would argue with each other and get rowdy, you could literally feel the effects within you. Shivers down to your spine, tightening chest, trembling hands. Used to having that kind of physical effect on you during those situations, you would just avoid any altercations with any of them.

You were dubbed "The Lamb" of the paddock, being the calm and collected driver out of all of them. In contrast to your nickname, you were like a wolf when you put on the helmet. You would obliterate every driver during every race, herding them to the side.

"I look forward racing alongside our new driver." You, Megan, and Mike swiftly turned your head towards one direction. The sight of the Spanish driver smiling made you freeze. "I've seen your lap times during one of the test drives at Silverstone. It's been the talk of the factory. You almost beat Max's record lap time on the track."

He's definitely an Alpha. The Alpha aura that the two time world champion exudes is definitely nerve-racking. Any other Omega should've felt this when they met him, for sure. It's good that you're used to being around Alphas that it's not obvious in your body language that you were affected.

You bumped fists with Alonso. "Let's not forget the impression you left on the other drivers on FP1 back in Abu Dhabi GP when 11 rookies joined the practice for the Driver Development Program. You drove my AMR23 like a beast and you were the only rookie who was able to put their car in the top 10. In P3, at that." Alonso chuckles, reminding him how the team radios of other drivers went when you were passing them on the track, as broadcasted.

"Thank you sir. Just wanted to show everyone who they might compete against." you replied.

"Oh you most definitely did." he smirks.

It was a comfortable welcome within Aston Martin. Even Lance Stroll, who took a break from Formula 1 to recover from his injuries due to a career-changing incident, worked with you and Alonso to work out the kinks in the car. Being the son of Lawrence Stroll, he won't leave his son out in Formula 1 in any kind of way. Plus, Lance is a familiar face back in karting days so his presence actually helps.

Days pass and it all felt like a blur. You were practically living in the factory when you made certain to be as hands-on as possible with the development of the car. When you sat in the car for almost 2 hours for the seat fitting, Megan basically bribed the other engineers to let you rest for once. The other employees nearby were laughing because Megan was pushing the other engineers away that you were hollering to come to you.

Come February, the day of the AMR24 reveal. It was the first event where you donned your green race suit in front of everyone. In the backstage, Fernando could notice the tenseness painting your face. Lance was also there with you two waiting. He smacked your back so hard that you almost cursed at him, warranting a loud laugh from Fernando.

The welcoming party for the F1 teams was held in Bahrain on the third week of February, just a few days before pre-season testing. Lance and Fernando accompanied you to a ballroom decorated elegantly from the floor to the ceiling where waiters are walking around to give hors d'oeuvres and champagne to people basically in dapper suits and sparkling dresses at every turn. F1 events never disappoint.

You gently push Lando and Fernando to leave you and to go mingle with sponsors and other people they know. Laughing at how close you got to the two drivers just after a few months of working with them. Fernando felt like a mentor and a father, while Lance felt like an annoying brother.

Multiple Alphas gathering in one venue is hurting your nose and making your head spin. As a temporary refuge, you occupy an empty seat at the bar and ordered an Amaretto Sour. It didn't take you two sips before somebody with a mild Alpha scent sits next to you. You look at the man through your periphery. Unruly hair so brown with soft curls and a gummy smile.

"Nervous on your first event?" he says, sliding his drink close to him after the bartender hands it out.

"Hm?" You swiftly turn your head at the man, still taking a sip from your drink.

"You're y/n, right? Aston Martin? I'm Lando Norris. I'm just wondering why a gorgeous woman like you is alone here at the bar?" he replies.

"Nice to meet you!" You offer your hand out to the Mclaren Driver and he shakes it. "Big events like this is not my thing. I'm just charging up my social battery right now. Fernando and Lance will likely pull me later to meet with our sponsors." You add while taking another sip to help mask the overwhelming scent of the venue.

"Tell me about it. It's an introvert's worse nightmare." Another man with an Australian accent pops up beside Lando, wrapping his arm on the man's shoulder. "I'm Oscar Piastri. Nice to meet you!"

Lando and Oscar turns out to be such a fun company to be with. They even introduced you to some of the drivers that were not so busy socializing with VIPs and sponsors; like Yuki Tsunoda, Daniel Ricciardo, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, Alexander Albon, and Logan Sargeant.

Lando was about to call Charles and Max when he spotted them from afar but you were quickly pulled away by Lance to do some rubbing shoulders with your team's sponsors.

"Hey! Why did you call me?" Charles pats Lando's back then proceeds to greet the others gathered around at the bar.

"I was going to introduce you to someone but Lance swept her away." Lando scoffs as he greets Max, who appeared behind Charles.

Max and Charles search the crowd for Lance and eventually spots the man with a gorgeous girl at his side in an emerald green long dress. "Remember the driver who got P3 in FP1 when we were in Abu Dhabi?" says Lando to the two men staring at your side profile while you were busy smiling and mingling with older men.

"Y/n Y/l/n, right? Aston Martin?" Charles said, still can't peel his eyes away from you.

"How could I forget? The reckless rookie during FP1. Almost crashed into me." Max sneers, turns back at the bar and orders a drink.

"Come on mate. Like you were not? You were too aggressive at that FP1. You drove like you were racing with us already. Even overtaking at the pit lane exit." Charles lightly slapped his hand on Max's chest, earning a laugh from him and Lando.

"Still. At the end of the day, she was too eager to prove herself that it came off as reckless." Max takes the drink that he ordered and turns back around to his fellow drivers.

"Come on, you were like that when we were young. Remember our inCHIdent?" Charles, Lando, and even Pierre and Alex laughed so hard at the mention of the adorable memory of Charles and Max's rivalry when they were young.

"Maybe you're just nervous that someone might be able to finally de-throne you from your seat, your majesty?" Lando chuckles.

"We'll see at the pre-season testing if she's all bark and no bite." says Max, staring at you like you're a lamb in a wolf hunt.

"The new season of Formula 1 is just around the corner. But before the lights go out in Bahrain, you'll see all teams hit the track in three rigorous pre-season testing days. It's the first chance to see how this season is shaping up."

It was so surreal to see your driver number 13 in big font on the side of your AMR24. This is the dream and it all starts with the pre-season testing. With only just one car per team to be allowed per day, it was decided that you will drive on the first and second day, and Fernando on the third day.

You could say that it was a bit difficult on the first day. The car was superb and fast, except for the porpoising. After driving almost 150 laps with all the porpoising and understeer, your back felt like cracked uncooked noodles. The makeshift bed in your room in the garage basically inviting you to sprawl down on it. Thankfully, the car got better on the second day.

Everyone was so busy to improve everything on the car that you barely mingled with anyone outside of your team. Even on the third day where Fernando was out on track, you were still discussing with the engineers on what to improve and what strategies to use on the first race in Bahrain a week from now.

After the pre-season testing, Megan made sure to empty out at least two days in your schedule to give you a break. You woke up at around 11 am and went down to the hotel lounge to spend some time reading. Oscar was about to go to the hotel restaurant but stopped when he saw you.

"What are you reading?" You looked up behind you when you heard a voice and saw Oscar in casual clothes.

"Nothing. Just something to pass the time." You replied as Oscar takes up the couch beside you. "Are you about to have lunch?"

"Yeah. Just waiting for Lando." said Oscar, keeping his eyes on you. Oscar paused for a moment, contemplating on continuing his train of thought. "I'm curious so I'm just gonna ask it now."

"What?" you ask, closing your book.

"Why are you hiding that you are an Omega?"

Next part: Part 2

[porcelainseashore]

Teenage Headache Dreams (2)

Series Masterlist

Pairing: High School! College! Leon Kennedy x Dancer! Fem! Reader

Summary: You’re a bored, but ambitious high school student who can’t wait to escape small town life and make it in the big city. You thought you had it all figured out, until you unwittingly befriend the resident golden boy, Leon. A series of events beginning from junior year to college until Resident Evil 2 Remake.

Warnings: 18+ Swearing, Recreational Drug Use, Eventual Smut, No (Y/N), Ambiguous/Open Ending

Content: High School AU, College AU, Pre-Resident Evil 2, Fluff, Romance, Cliche, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Lack of Communication

Author's Note: Cliché alert and mostly fluff in this chapter! There’s been a mini time skip, but I wanted to show that Reader x Leon became fast friends in the meantime and are relatively comfortable with each other. I made Leon a lot cheekier this round, but I feel like he uses mischief to mask his true feelings.

AO3 Link

Chapter 2: More Than Meets the Eye

The first couple of weeks of the new term had already flown by and managing your tight schedule of school work, actual work, dance and cheer practice left you with literally no time for anything else. Sighing as you yanked open your locker to retrieve your school books, a familiar figure popped up at your side, slouching against the metallic compartments with a loud thud.

Without even turning your head in its direction, you already knew who it was. “Hey, loser,” you called out, smiling inside.

“Hey, yourself,” came his gruff reply.

As you finally faced the culprit, you and Leon laughed at each other’s greetings.

“So, since it’s a Friday, wanna hang out and watch something tonight?”

Both of you had been almost inseparable until school started, and that’s when you guiltily kept postponing your regular meetups in favor of working on your future goals.

“Uh… I don’t think I can.” You rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. “I seriously need to get some studying time in and I have cheer practice after school.”

“What was that again?” He put a hand to his ear, listening for something non-existent and pausing for dramatic effect. “All I heard were excuses.”

“Hey-”

“Come on, relax.” Placing his hand on your shoulder, he gave it a tiny squeeze. “School’s only just started. You’re gonna burn out if you keep going like this.”

“Leon…” It came out a lot whinier than you intended.

His eyes widened as you caught a brief glimpse of something devilish in them. You knew it was too late to stop the bullshit that would come out of that filthy mouth any second now. 

“Mm, say it like that again.” Ah, there it is.

Groaning internally, you smacked his hand off your shoulder playfully. “Ugh, you know there’s no way-” 

You turned your head around, checking behind you before lowering your voice. “-I’ll ever get outta here, if I don’t push myself from the start.”

He straightened up a little as he considered your words. “You hate this place that much, huh?”

“You think?” It came out almost as a whisper.

“Shame,” he muttered. “Well, tell you what,” he glanced quickly to the side before looking back at you. “Since you’re so damn keen on this study session, we could do that and then grab some burgers after. Maybe even a movie. How’s that sound?” He puffed his chest and looked almost victorious, as though he knew it was an offer you couldn’t back out of.

Fuck Leon and his persistence. “Yeah, fine,” you grumbled as you shut your locker in defeat.

Once again, that smug grin flashed across his face. “Great, so uh, see you at 5?”

“Mm hm, library,” you nodded reluctantly.

“By the way, your girl gang is here,” he motioned with his head in the direction behind you. “Guess that’s my cue to leave.” Before you could respond, he had already walked ten paces away.

Nobody likes gossip. Ever since you had started hanging out with Leon, people talked and they assumed many things. How far the rumors reached, you didn’t know, but you didn’t want to ruin things between the two of you. You cursed small town gossip under your breath. This was probably one of the few genuine friendships you had, so you tried to keep things as lowkey as possible. Thankfully, Leon agreed to play along. For now.

You tightened your grip on your books as you spun around, plastering a bright smile across your face as you greeted your teammates, who were still sporting tans from their holidays and bubbly chatting with each other.

“Hey, babe,” Kayla, the cheer captain, moved in to give you a quick hug. You caught a whiff of her tropical-scented, coconut vanilla perfume. “So where did your boy run off to?” She winked, giving you a side smile. The other girls around her immediately broke out in hushed whispers.

There wasn’t anything malicious about her question. In fact, your teammates were nice enough, but they could be rather superficial and nosey. You tried to downplay it with a look of confusion in your eyes, shaking your head as you remarked, “He’s just a study partner, Kayla.”

Some giggles broke out and your ears burned. Great, they didn’t buy that a single bit. Defending yourself would just raise more suspicion, so you unhappily resigned yourself to the fact that you were probably doomed for the rest of the term.

“Yeah, whatever.” Kayla waved her hand dismissively. “Was about time anyway, and he’s quite the catch.” She licked her lips suggestively, but quickly added, “Not as good as mine though.” Of course, her obnoxious football boyfriend. You tried to hide your grimace. 

Flipping her shiny, raven-colored locks, she continued, “Still, very cute. I approve.”

Your mouth ran dry. Why couldn’t they just mind their own business? You swallowed your anger as you tried to change the subject. “Um, cheer practice at 3, right?”

She snickered, seeing right through your act. “Yeah, same as always.” She turned to leave, wiggling her fingers as a form of goodbye. “Oh, and you’re leading warm-ups today. Ciao, babe.”

You could hear audible groans coming from the rest of the team as they trudged off with Kayla. They definitely weren’t looking forward to your intense warm-up session, but to you, warmer bodies meant lesser injury risk and better preparation for stunts and routines. Pursing your lips at the less-than-ideal conversation you just had, you tried to shove it to the back of your mind as you hurried off to class.

━━━━━━━━━━━

As you flung open the double doors leading to the school’s indoor gym, you were greeted by the unfamiliar sight of another group you didn’t exactly recognize next to your cheer team. It seemed like Kayla was speaking to their coach, as she nodded a bit too enthusiastically - a nervous habit she displayed when she was irritated but didn’t want to show it. Slowly, you inched closer to listen in on their conversation.

“There must have been a double booking-”

“I’ll sort this out with the admin right now,” Kayla offered.

“It’s just going to eat into practice time. Anyway, this lot won’t need much space today. Functional training.” He sucked his teeth and gestured towards the group. That’s when you spotted Leon, sitting at the side with his arms across his lap, chatting merrily with another girl on his team.

Just my luck, you sighed, folding your arms as the coach continued, “I’m sure you girls won’t mind sharing?”

You saw Kayla clenching and unclenching her fists as she hesitantly agreed to the proposal. With that, she spun around and called out shrilly, “Ladies! We’ve gotta share the space. We’re taking this half.” She drew an imaginary line with her arms as if to stake her claim, before brushing past you seething, “They always think they can sideline us, like we’re not important.”

At this point, Leon made eye contact and waved over. The girl beside him suppressed a laugh and you weren’t sure whether she was embarrassed or making fun of you. Furrowing your brows, you gave a hasty, lopsided smile before heading over to your side of the gym, making a mental note to question Leon about that exchange later.

Wasting no time for further pleasantries, you proceeded to blast your high-energy mixtape on the cassette player as loudly as possible, secretly smirking as you heard the coach swear under his breath at the intrusion.

“Ok, everyone! Let’s get those heart rates up!” You hollered, running through the exercises as they copied you dutifully, breaking out in a sweat and panting furiously. 

Your eyes filtered through the crowd, checking for anything they could improve on, as you continued calling out prompts. “You can lift your legs higher than that!” Hm, that sounded rather… You ignored that prickly feeling at the back of your throat and continued, “Face up, not to the floor!”

When it came to the stretching section and the music toned down, you suddenly heard the unmistakable yell of a reprimand being given from the other end of the room. “Kennedy! You can stare at girls after training!”

Wait, what? Your head darted in the direction of the bellowing. Sure enough, you saw the coach glaring at Leon, who seemed pretty flustered as he denied the accusations with a feeble “I wasn’t!”, which was met with roars of laughter.

Really, Leon? Getting distracted by a bunch of cheerleaders? You were oblivious to what actually happened there and decided to pay no more attention to it. Instead, it was time to go through the routine and fortunately you were relatively decent at compartmentalizing.

“Alright, a few things I wanted to point out,” you began. “This part’s looking good, but it would start off even more amazing, if you frame your body like this.” Adjusting your shoulders with your arms slightly back, profile tilted a smidge upwards, you angled yourself in a semi-diagonal position, shifting your weight towards one leg as you lengthened the other for the prep stance. The other cheerleaders shuffled around, attempting to imitate what you showed.

Kayla motioned for you to demonstrate the full sequence before she took over and you obliged. “Ok, watch me.” You danced through the routine dynamically, hitting all the accents and flowing through the softer parts more sensually. Whipping your hair around as you transitioned from a body wave into a hip roll, you swung the pom poms above your head at the same time and trailed them across your body.

It all seemed to happen in a haze, but after coming out of the next spin, you somehow ended up holding a gaze with those same piercing blue eyes that had caused you so much trouble today. They widened and flickered, but didn’t break away for what felt like an eternity, until-

“Leon Scott Kennedy! I swear to god!”

Uh oh.

“You either train, or you can leave!”

Leon’s cheeks flushed bright red as he bit his lip, stammering, “Sorry coach, won’t happen again.”

You’d never seen Leon get this unnerved, which concerned you. He emanated a natural sense of confidence and was usually laid-back to the point where nothing could ruffle him. In any case, you were also sure as hell everyone heard and saw that commotion, especially since a number of students were now looking between him and you, mumbling to each other.

Nothing could beat the relief you felt when Kayla took over your position, as you stepped away from the center to join the rest of your team. Just when you thought you were in the clear, one of your teammates scooted over to you, whispering seductively in your ear, “Ooh he definitely enjoyed the show you put on.”

━━━━━━━━━━━

The minute practice ended, you bolted straight for the restroom, just so you didn’t have to deal with anyone else for the time being. Hiding in one of the cubicles for a good 10 minutes until you could hear the last footsteps trickle out of the hallway, you unlocked the door and stumbled over to the wash basin, splashing cold water on your face. Checking yourself one last time in the mirror to make sure you looked presentable, you inhaled a deep breath before exiting and making your way towards the library.

From afar, you could see Leon waiting patiently outside of it, as though he fully trusted that you would still show up after that little stunt he pulled earlier. Walking gingerly towards him, you cleared your throat.

“Oh, hey. So… what’re we studying today?” He asked casually, while browsing through his pile of books, as if nothing had happened.

“Math. Definitely Math,” you concluded, also pretending to ignore the white elephant in the room. “If that’s ok with you?”

“Sure, I suck at it. So why not?”

The study session went by rather sluggishly and uneventfully, with both of you going through equations after equations and figuring out the logic together. It was a wonder you could concentrate at all with the events of the day playing back in your mind like a broken record. 

You were thankful for Leon’s earlier suggestion of burgers when it was time to pack up to leave. He gave you a knowing smile when your stomach growled and you placed a hand over your belly instinctively, as you cast back a self-conscious glance. It seemed like he had thought of everything again, where you often had trouble remembering your own basic needs when you were lost in your schoolwork.

Both of you plopped down on the cushy, retro red seats opposite each other in a booth at the only diner in town, getting in your orders as quickly as possible. You suspected that he was just as famished as you, but trying his best not to show it. During the waiting time, the two of you caught up with and exchanged news on all the goings-on of the past weeks.

When your orders finally arrived, you snatched up your burger, devouring large chunks of it, while Leon looked on amused as he bit into his.

“Wuhhff?” You managed to cough out with your mouth stuffed with food.

Almost instantly, he mimicked your reaction, resulting in a fry being thrown in his direction, as he ducked to avoid it while snickering.

“Here, you got some sauce on your chin.” He reached out with a paper napkin, gently wiping it away, as his bright blue eyes bore into yours. That prickly sensation you felt earlier in the school gym started to bloom again, as you squeezed your eyes shut and cleared your throat. “Is it gone now?”

“Uh… y-yeah.” 

Fluttering your eyes open, you caught sight of him looking down at his plate, suddenly completely engrossed with his meal, as he chucked the used napkin to the side. You were quite certain you spotted a pink tinge dusting his cheeks while he slowly chewed his food.

The table grew silent as you muttered a quick, “Thanks.”

Giving it a few minutes before you attempted any form of conversation, you casually decided to bring up the topic you had both been avoiding till now.

“So…” you breathed, testing the waters.

“So…?” Leon questioned, raising an eyebrow, still munching the last bits of his burger.

“At the gym. What was that all about?” You picked at your fries nervously, as you felt a rush of adrenaline coursing through your body in anticipation of an answer.

“What do you mean?”

Ugh. He’s deflecting again. But you weren’t about to let this go so easily. “Don’t play dumb, Kennedy.”

Leon paused, and you could see the wheels turning in his head as he considered his words carefully. It only took a moment for his face to light up as if he hit the jackpot. “I got distracted, that’s all.” His signature smirk broke out across his lips, before adding, “By you.”

The boldness of his answer caught you by surprise, as you choked on your food. Patting your chest, you gulped down some water before sputtering, “Excuse me?”

All at once, he was back to his usual, composed self, as he remarked, “You dance really well. Can’t I admire that?”

“Um… y-yeah, I guess.” You weren’t sure how to respond. Coming from a background where dance teachers often gave you tough love and criticisms in an effort to spur you on, you never really learnt how to accept compliments.

“A ‘thanks’ would be nice.” 

Clenching your jaw, you wished you could wipe that stupid smirk off his face. Trying to approach it from a different angle, you blurted out, “But, people talk.”

Leaning back against his seat and placing his hands behind his head, Leon seemed unfazed. “So let them talk.” Noticing your frown, he continued, “What’s wrong if they think we’re dating? Am I really that bad to be with?” He mentioned it as if it was the most normal thing to say in conversation between two friends, and the worst thing was that you didn’t know how to counter that.

“No, you’re gre-,” you quickly corrected yourself. “I mean, you’re fine.” Sighing, you explained, “I just don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

His gaze softened as he reassured you, “It won’t, trust me.”

Since he was that calm about it, you decided not to pursue it any further. Maybe you were thinking too much into things. However, another question popped up in your mind. “Who was the girl you were speaking with back there?”

He propped himself up again, a little taken aback by the quick change of topic. “Oh, you mean Val? Yeah, we sometimes participate in relays together. She can be a real handful though.”

“She seemed to find me amusing,” you pointed out.

“Really? I didn’t notice,” he shrugged and scoffed down the remainder of his fries. You searched his eyes to detect if he was messing with you, but couldn’t find anything of the sort. “I told her about you.”

Well, that explains it. Crossing your arms, you prepared to release an earful until you were interrupted by the grinning idiot in front of you. “Do I even want to know-”

“I said…” He drifted off, taking his time to sip his soda, leaving you hanging on purpose. You subconsciously leaned in closer as your patience started to wear thin. He lowered his voice, presumably to utter something serious. “You’re the coolest kid I met over summer.”

“You’re such a dork!” You exclaimed, as you punched his arm lightly from across where you sat.

“Ouch! And here I am baring my soul to you.” He rubbed his arm melodramatically and feigned a hurt expression on his face, which only served to encourage you to taunt and play fight with him further.

Sometimes he could be so infuriating. But funnily enough, that was part of what drew you to him in the first place. 

━━━━━━━━━━━

It turned out that Leon had rented some VHS tapes from Blockbuster, so you had the choice of either heading to the local cinema for a late night screening or watching a movie from the comfort of his home. Naturally, you picked the latter. Going to the cinema together would seem too “date night”-like and you had endured more than enough gossip that day to last a lifetime.

You greeted his parents as they kindly let you and Leon hog the living room TV. Before heading upstairs to their bedroom, they gave a half-hearted reminder not to stay up too late, that they knew would go unheeded. They were friendly and way more relaxed than your parents, so much so you preferred hanging out at Leon’s place over yours.

After making some hot chocolate, you settled onto the couch as Leon popped the tape into the video player. Relaxing into the cozy atmosphere, you hugged the warm blanket he offered you and savored the steaming drink between your hands.

Unfortunately, the day’s events probably caught up to you, as your eyelids grew heavier as time went by and you were fighting a losing battle to keep them open. At some point, you must have drifted off to sleep and then accidentally used Leon as a makeshift pillow. He swallowed thickly, as you curled up beside him, resting your head against his shoulder and nuzzling his neck, completely unaware. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was afraid he would wake you. Something made him instinctively wrap his arm around you, even though his mind was screaming to do the exact opposite. This is just gonna make things worse, he sighed, but he didn’t feel the urge to remove it and maybe he could get away without you knowing. So he let you sleep soundly until the credits ran.

“Hey.” He called out softly, as you stirred. “The movie’s over now.”

Blinking groggily, your vision was still blurry as you tried to make out where you were. You weren’t sure if you felt an arm around you or just the back of the couch, as you rubbed your eyes.

“You fell asleep,” he explained, as he let you go and tried to shift away from you as stealthily as possible, hoping you wouldn’t recall the previous position you were in.

“Hm?” You stretched your arms out, yawning lazily as you scratched your head. “Uh, what time is it?”

“Just past midnight.”

You jerked upwards, startled. “Shit, so late?” Your face swung in his direction. “You didn’t wake me?”

He bit his bottom lip, eyeing you apologetically. “You looked like you needed the rest. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

You buried your face into the bunched up blanket on top of your knees, groaning, “Ugh, my parents are going to kill me.”

That drew a faint laugh from him. “Don’t worry, I took care of it.”

You turned towards him with a puzzled look.

“I called them before-” he stopped himself abruptly, as you noticed him tense up.

“Before what?” You questioned out of confusion.

“Nothing.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and refused to meet your gaze.

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to figure out if something out of the ordinary had happened. It started off as a vague recollection of falling asleep, maybe leaning against something and the smell of fresh citrus and musk… which smells exactly like- Oh god, no. Your stomach dropped. The realization that you had snuggled with Leon in your sleep dawned on you and your head was whirling.

At this point, Leon knew you had worked out what happened, so he did the only thing he could do in such a situation. “Man, you were heavy.” 

That snapped you out of it and earned him a slap to his chest. “It was a joke, jeez!” He raised both hands up in defense and quickly moved to a different topic, “Anyway, as I was saying, your parents told me to walk you home when you woke up.”

“Oh… thanks,” you shook your head and sighed. “Sorry to put you through the trouble.”

He waved it off. “It’s really no big deal. I’m just glad I finally got to hang out with you again.”

“Yeah, me too,” you admitted. “This was nice.”

As you got up from the couch to prepare to leave, it seemed like Leon had another idea. Grabbing your wrist, he coaxed, “And?”

You knew what he meant and nodded in agreement. “And… I promise I’ll make time for this in the future.” A random thought flashed across your mind as you grinned cheekily. You had to get him back after all his teasing. “How about…”

“I’m listening,” he mentioned with a hint of suspicion in his voice.

“...we meet for more study sessions?”

It was his turn to groan, as you giggled uncontrollably. “That’s such a cop-out!” He responded accusingly. 

Placing your hands on his shoulders and bending down to meet him at eye level, you pleaded, “Come on, we could do something fun after too?”

Rolling his eyes, he rebutted, “You’re kinda driving a hard bargain here.”

You weren’t ashamed to play dirty though, so you turned on the best doe eyes you could muster, and insisted, “Please?” You knew he was a lost cause now.

“Damn it, that’s not fair,” he grumbled, though he eventually gave in. “Ok fine, but only if fun’s a guarantee.”

“Deal.” With that, you took his hand in yours, giving it a firm handshake.

[oddeyes588]

So... Lostbelt 6 part 2 is out and it's great! I haven't finished it yet but uh... I gotta address something. And it's this scene.

Good scene, right? Beautiful CG, some insight into the way Castoria thinks... but there's something wrong with this scene.

It's translated wrong.

Now if you're like me and you've been keeping up with fan translations for FGO, you may have realized this already, but this translation fundamentally misses the entire point of the scene.

This is what Castoria is supposed to be saying:

I don't want to see her. I don't want to be shown her. She's too much. I don't want to believe it. I don't want to acknowledge it.

After all.

She has no equal. Takes no refuge. No one who understands her. None who can comfort her.

She receives no reward. No goals. No rest. She cannot afford failure, not even a single mistake.

Ah—from the bottom of my heart, I think: "no."

Just how cruel must it be for everyone to smile and acknowledge a king like that?

Do you see the difference? This is a defining scene concerning Castoria's character. Something that sets her apart from every other iteration of Artoria that we've known so far (barring the Servantverse ones). Castoria sees the way of life that her PHH self chose and is repulsed. She can't stand to think about it. At first it seems like she's just buckling under the weight of those expectations, but in reality, Castoria just can't stand to see her.

She can't stand to see this other version of herself willingly throw away her humanity for the sake of an ideal. To give up her own happiness, to give up any chance of ever being understood, all to become a perfect king who the people will love and praise, but never truly understand.

It is a lonely existence, and like a certain redhead in Fate/Stay Night, she can't accept it. Who could bear to live like that? Who would want to live like that? Castoria wants nothing more than to be happy. She wants to make friends her age, eat sweets with them, go shopping with them and walk down the street while holding their hands. She wants to LIVE, and the thought of giving all of that up for the sake of everybody but yourself...

Noble? Sure. But it's mostly just tragic.

That's what this scene is about. Establishing exactly how Castoria feels about her Proper Human History self. She doesn't admire her, if anything it HURTS to see her, to know what she went through, to know what she did.

So WHY was it translated like this?

I'm the only one of my kind. I have nowhere to run. No one understands me. Romance is out of the question.

There's no reward. No finish line. no rest. I can't make so much as a single mistake.

Ahh... So many things I'll never have.

How cruel would I have to be for everyone to accept a king like me with a smile?

Listen, Castoria thinking of her own struggles in parallel to Saber's is interesting, and it isn't NOT there... but that isn't the point of the scene, and foregrounding it like this is uh...

It sure is a decision, that's for sure.

It's not necessarily bad, but it just doesn't fit due to the obvious reason that this isn't what the scene is supposed to be. This scene isn't Castoria seeing a vision of Saber and going "wow, how am I going to live up to this?" as if Saber's story is aspirational.

No. It's a tragedy, and what Castoria is actually thinking is "that's cruel and fucked up"

Anyways I just felt like putting this out there... and before anybody jumps down my throat about how the fan-translation could've been wrong... I did bring this up with a friend who can read Japanese and went to read the node in Japanese. While you could argue that because Caster and Artoria are acknowledged to be different versions of the same person, that Caster is using "I" to refer to the other, but the last line is just outright wrong. The scene is fundamentally about the cruelty of everyone around Saber placing an impossible burden on her, and how Castoria feels seeing that.

[janumun]

Being the brand new omega roommate for alpha Alhaitham and alpha Kaveh, who were both carefully looking for a needed extra to fill in the space in their housing near Port Ormos, purely for important research purposes Alhaitham claims.

And conveniently, they were also looking for another proper lover (Preferably an omega) for their alphan pod for their upcoming ruts, both of which just so happen to be right around the corner.

Poor sensitive alpha Kaveh, and absolute buster alpha Alhaitham, are both equally slick and suave in pursuing what they desire. Once they put their mind to something none can ever stop them from achieving their appointed goal.

Kaveh is more romantically obvious than Alhaitham, but that doesn't mean Alhaitham won't have his fair share of aces up his sleeve to properly convince you to join them in their pack. And with their ruts coming up alongside the brand new omega moving in, time is short and ever increasingly fragile.

Surely you will be so kind as to aid their little predicament?

OBLIGATORY NSFW 🔞 BREAK

Before we dive pussy first into this, I’ll have you know that your Ask was what took me out of commission for this long, Nonny. I had to sink back into the sofa and just stare into space for the next several weeks. 🤣

While I would’ve really loved to write something more cohesive for this (I am so, so insane for the ABO AU), the ideas I had would’ve ended up spanning a multi chapter fic, which I simply could not afford to work on, at the moment xD You are so ✨big-brained✨ for this, though!

If you’ve read a couple of my stories, you might’ve noticed I prefer romance dashed spice over hot, sweaty, sexy spice (very good on you if you prefer the latter!).

I’m currently working on a story where Traveler (/my MC) lives with the Akademiya duo and part of their dynamic might be reflected in these few headcanons I’ve got for Alpha Hai/Ω Reader/Alpha Kaveh.

I cannot believe this is nearly 1k words of ABO thirst because I simply hold no control over myself.

Al-Haitham’s fond of you. It isn’t quite what he intended — nor the direction he intended it in — when he divulged the fact that he was interested in you.

Perhaps, it is your unconventional ideologies, only on par with Kaveh’s naivety, or perhaps the way you seem to have Kaveh so domesticated (he was at Al-Haitham’s ear for weeks for daring to point out how the two of you seemed to get on like a house on fire, worded perhaps in less kinder terms) it’s an amusing sight to witness.

Or your unwitting genius, when you come across Al-Haitham on days he’s going through new texts, and strike up a debate regarding the contents of the author’s mindset and the degree and quality of said research.

He isn’t quite as obvious as Kaveh; ready with his smiles and clear affections worn across his sleeve.

…Nor is he quite as lacking as his former friend in self-discipline, when it comes to reigning in his instincts as an Alpha. Finding himself against you at the weakest callings of an approaching rut, or the siren call of your heats. Al- Haitham supposes you too are to blame, for spoiling Kaveh as you do; you never turn the man down and try as Kaveh might, to be a gentleman and spare you, it is always you giving him the go-ahead to fuck you as he pleases, wherever…

And later on, whenever—

His ruts are close at hand, Kaveh finds it physically intolerable to have you close and not bury his entire body into yours, threading his limbs about your body and sinking his face into the soft heat of your breasts.

He started off gentle and slow at the beginning of your arrangement, and he remained determined to follow through his resolve to relieve himself on your scent alone. The idea of tackling you down like some sort of… beast every time a rut hit, seeking you out for mere physical relief — despite your arrangement — didn’t sit right in his heart.

But you are a curious and fascinating creature, and Kaveh did not quite bet on being as infatuated with you as he is; you seem almost crafted to complete a whole of him. And you are… unfortunately, incredibly persistent.

And—

Incredibly tight, he gasps. When Kaveh finds himself buried up to the hilt within you, he’s blind to all sense except the feeling of your wet heat, the burn of pleasure streaking up his length and knotting into his abdomen with the force and desperation of his thrusts. Close, the need to have you closer burning at the back of his throat and gnawing with the bite of bitter teeth into the swell of his lip.

“K-Kaveh.” Before you scold, and he complies, immediate; love-stricken, lust-driven, clenching his teeth into a bite at your shoulder and moans deep and long, mirroring the intensity of his release into you.

Nosing at that spot against your neck in post coital euphoria and overwhelming protection. Uncharacteristic burst of an intolerable instinct to bite into you and mark you his.

When Kaveh and Al-Haitham have their ruts coincide on the rare occasion—

The Scribe does not shy away from availing his privilege of several days of paid leave, off his roster of scarcely used holidays, when his ruts are near carnal, and certainly not when they happen to fall upon the same cycles as Kaveh’s (perhaps a natural result of bonding with the same omega). He needs the entirety of a 24/7 workday and more, when he is forced to share your body, pleasure and time with Kaveh. The latter not ceasing to whine and huff, even as he moans at Al-Haitham about positioning her right, going slower so she can concentrate on us both.

Taunts usually he answers with silence, or on occasion, when Kaveh is unbearably loud,

“Perhaps you aren’t pleasing her as well as you seem to think yourself able, if you believe she cannot concentrate simply because I am “harsh” on her.” Punctuating his statement with a particularly firm thrust, your quivering moan breaking along with Kaveh’s fumed sputtering.

Your tightening, at the punishing pace Al-Haitham sets for you both, dragging their orgasms from the Alphas at the same time, flooding you to the brim with their hot seed. Their knots traveling up and lodging into your pussy undoing your own vehement release from how large the stretch is, all of a sudden, and you see stars as you collapse against Al-Haitham, his low grunt burning at your ears from how incredibly hot you find him, so undone inside you.

Squeezing around them on instinct, pulling a collective groan from the two men. Al-Haitham raises his head, his gaze inspiring a fresh wave of nervous anticipation inside you, from how he looks at you as if he has no intentions of stopping until he has you well and truly bred. A man of spare words but the intensity of his lust and emotions once unstoppered, is enough to have your legs aching for days after.

A shudder creeping up your body from where he treks a gentle thumb against your cheek and just before he kisses you, a whisper of one, “Well done,” has your heart soaring within your chest.

And if Kaveh’s soft brushes of kisses against the crown of your shoulders, venturing just shy of your glands, is anything to go by, you know he too, is far from done yet.

[dominimoonbeam]

To The Edge - 25

This work is mine and I do not give consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted without my permission. I am sharing chapters as I work on this story but it is copyrighted material that I plan to rework and publish when completed.

story tags: scifi romance, hijinks in space, rogues learning to trust, violence, blood, guns, death, explicit language, so much kidnapping,

Works organized and easily found over on the patreon. <3

TO THE EDGE - CHAPTER 25.

Rory tore his eyes off of them. He needed to get some space. He needed to wash off the blood and paint and the memory of them putting their body between his and danger.

Stardust caught his arm before he could walk out. “Are you really going to pretend we’re not good at this? We get along. We—”

“Yeah, we get along great, that’s the problem. You’re going to get me killed or I’m—” He choked back the words because he couldn’t say it out loud. Either they were going to get him killed or… Or he was going to get them killed. Either way, this was going to end badly.

They didn’t let go of his arm and when he looked, he had been bracing for disappointment, anger, maybe even a little heartbreak. Instead, Stardust was staring him dead in the eye. “You’re scared because you care.”

He stepped back, hissing through his teeth like he’d been burned. “Stop. I don’t… I don’t care about you.” He forced a smile and a thin laugh, shaking his head. “And if I did, I wouldn’t be hauling your ass toward danger, would I? What sort of asshole would that make me? What sort of person would that make me…” A bad one. He was a bad person. Dragging a deep breath, Rory cut a hand through the air between them—like he could swipe this away. “Okay. We’re only a week away from the goal. We’ll make it. We’ll get the loot, hopefully get your cousins off your tail, and then we’ll go our separate ways, just like I said. If it’s the sort of stash you think it is, it’ll be plenty for you to get your own jet and hightail it wherever you want to go.”

“What if I want to go with you?”

Rory took another step back, into the hallway. His heart physically ached. “That’s not funny. Knock it off.” He had to find a way to end this before he couldn’t—before he wouldn’t.

They took a step to follow him, suddenly looking very much like the descendant of a mob throne. “I’m serious. I want to go with you,” Stardust said.

His heart pounded a little faster and a smile pulled loose from the corner of his mouth. They were trouble incarnate. “No, you don’t.”

“We’re partners,” Stardust pressed.

“No. I meant what I said, Stardust. You’re a bounty. I shouldn’t have let you think otherwise. This…you and me…that’s not a thing.” Oh, but he wanted it to be a thing. And so did they. So, why was he trying so hard to put the brakes on? Since when had he ever been honorable?

“Don’t you want to be friends?” they pressed.

A laugh burst from his chest, his fingers pressing against his temple. “Friends…” he repeated, like it was the worst joke they’d told yet. “No. I don’t want to be your friend. Look at the shit you stir up.” He didn’t want to be friends. He wanted more. He wanted everything.

“We’re the same, Cosmic. You said I was a magnet for trouble…and you’re trouble, remember?”

He took another step back, to press his back to the wall and feel the grounding cold of the metal against his spine. “Yeah, I said that, but you’re more trouble than you’re worth.”

“I’m worth a fortune.”

Rory laughed. “Shit, that’s a hell of an ego. I guess I should have expected that from a primer. Of course, you’d think you’re worth it…”

“Just admit it,” they urged, grinning with mischief. “Admit you like me.”

He shook his head and didn’t look at them. “No, I don’t.” It wasn’t hard to lie when they missed the mark. “The only thing I care about is my payday and my skin. I don’t need a partner or a friend or…” He flicked his gaze to them, trying to drive his lie home. “I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”

Stardust stared right back at him. “Liar.”

“You’re going to leave either way!��� he snapped and then cringed because he didn’t want to talk about this. He shook his head and started down the hall toward his quarters. “You don’t belong out here. You’re not a mercenary or a bounty hunter. You’re just a spoiled rich kid playing at crime past the edge for thrills. You’ll get over it and go home to the prime eventually.”

Their boots trailed his. “You’re so full of shit, you’re not even making sense. I was raised in crime, farm boy. If anyone is being a prick here, it’s me. If one of us is putting the other in danger, it’s me.”

He stopped at his door, resisting the urge to rush inside and close it before they could follow. He was sometimes a cheat, sometimes a thief, but never a coward. “That’s not the same. Your family is a completely different sort of criminal element, and you know it.”

“You mean more successful?” they teased.

Rory turned to look at them but they continued before he could get a word in—as soon as they had this gaze.

“I like you.”

“What?”

“You’re a smug, reckless, jerk, but I like you. I like traveling with you and working with you. I think we’re good at it. And I think you like me too. I want to stay.”

“You…”

“I want to be more than partners.”

“Stop it. You don’t mean that.” He couldn’t take his eyes off them. They weren’t grinning anymore. Nothing about this sounded like a joke.

Stardust took a step closer, the toes of their boots touching. He could smell the paint and sweat and blood on their skin when they leaned in.

“Stardust…”

They watched him. “Just admit you got scared when you thought I might die…”

He sighed. He should back up, should push them away, but he didn’t. “I wasn’t scared…”

The corner of their mouth twitched. “Liar.”

“I’m not lying…” he lied.

Stardust closed that scant distance between them. Cosmic had never been kissed so softly in his life. He closed his eyes, feeling what little attempts at doing the right thing he’d been clinging to shredded. “Why did you do that?”

“I like you. I want you.”

“Don’t say that… Don’t. You can’t.” Hooking up would have been one thing when they’d both flirted with it weeks ago but now? This? This was more than hooking up.

Stardust kissed him again, one of their hands on his arm and the other finding his hip.

“Damn it…” he sighed. Who had he been kidding? This was going to end terribly but he couldn’t avoid it. He didn’t even want to. He curled a hand around the back of their neck to draw them in for another kiss, this one deeper. He didn’t want feather-soft kisses. He wanted them to bruise him, so he’d remember this when it was all over. “You make bad choices, Stardust…”

They smiled against his lips. “You really think this is one of those?”

“Yeah, this is one of those bad choices. I’m a bad choice.”

[animelovelover123]

Reboot Vergil's Yandere Alphabet

Synopsis/Author's Note: I am very slowly working my way through this. They are just so long so who knows when or if I will ever get around to writing one for all 6 main boys.

The yandere alphabet I am using is an edited version of one made by no gender bee on tumblr. I added missing letters, changed some of the letters/descriptions, and altered some of the grammar (like using Canadian spelling).

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction for personal entertainment. If you are reading this, please understand that drawing/writing/reading/imagining things of this nature does NOT equate to desiring or supporting real-world assault.

Trigger Warnings: imprisonment, gaslighting, (Reboot Vergil is surprisingly tame, especially considering my last one.), minimally beta read because my editor rushed it and because they are kindly looking over my work I don't feel right asking them to do a better and more thorough job.

Abuse = Could they ever hurt you physically or mentally? What would be the reason?

Yes, and with very little remorse. You are deceived, misled, confused, and he has to help you see the truth. You will understand that your destiny is to be by his side, even if that means he has to hurt you. He isn’t as much into physical abuse, though he will employ it as severe punishments. Even then though it would not be something as cruel and barbaric as a beating. It would be more like a shock collar that electrocutes you if you misbehave or leaving you conscious as a tracking device is surgically implanted into your body.

Your mind is what he will hurt the most. From revealing the horrors of the world to you, destroying your blissful ignorance, to telling you that you are now a target for demons and he and The Order are the only ones that can protect you. He will even prove to you that some of the people who are close to you are spies that can’t be trusted and must be eliminated but showing you evidence. Evidence that may or may not have been fabricated depending on if the person is an actual threat or a personal threat to his relationship with you.

He will break you down so you feel like you only have, and only need, him.

Both = You are a Yandere too, what’s their reaction?

Everything becomes a competition between you two, a game of dominance and love. It is a back-and-forth, a constant struggle to be one step ahead of each other. You break into Kat’s room to try to eliminate her since she and Vergil had a bit of a romance before you came along only to find it empty with a note on the far wall. When you step in though the door slams closed behind you and locks you in. The note informs you that Vergil knew of your plan, has moved Kat to a safer location, and now that his trap has gone off he has been remotely notified and is on his way. Did you put something in his drink to knock him out? Well done dear, he is excited to see what you have in store for him when he awakens.

The only time it becomes a real issue is if your yandere acts get in the way of his mission, and even then he will just have you bound and gaged while he deals with business. Once he is finished he will find you in his room wrapped up like a present where he can punish you in the most delicious of ways.

Crazy = How easy do they enter crazy mode? How do they act when they are in it?

Vergil does not really lose his cool unless he feels threatened, and with him believing that, as a nephilam, he and his brother are superior to everyone, he does not feel threatened by much of anything. As a leader and having to keep many secrets from evyryone, like police, his adoptive family, and the fake friends in high society he keeps as a front to hide his true goals, he knows how to keep his cool. Even when he does start to feel threatened, like if Dante starts flirting with you or you two argue, he tries to assert dominance by staying calm and handling the issue with persuasion. If that fails though, then he snaps. He starts shouting, telling you and others to shut up, challenging people, all in a desperate ploy to regain control.

Difference = When can you notice a difference in behaviour in them? What are the first signs that their love for you is unhealthy?

It is very subtle, pretty much unnoticeable by anyone other than his right-hand woman Kat and his brother Dante. They are the ones that most likely bring Vergil’s shift in behaviour to your attention, whether intentionally or not. You will start getting special treatment in The Order, receiving fewer strenuous and dangerous missions while getting more compensation for your supposed “loyalty” and “hard work”. This could be seen as just him having a crush though. The real dive from an innocent growing crush into a twisted obsession is when he starts to cut off your ties to others, especially within The Order. If you so much as get a bit too friendly with another member of The Order, they are suddenly and unjustifiably sent out for what are basically suicide missions. And, though we have seen how he manipulates you into thinking others in your life are spies (see Abuse), if someone is dating you or even just flirting with you, they will one day just disappear off the face of the earth. They will leave a note or message to you explaining how they had some personal demons they had to deal with and have left town for self-healing and discovery. Only a few people are aware that that person is actually tied up in one of the many back rooms of The Order’s base, gagged, bloodied, and beaten.

Enjoy = Do they enjoy what they’re doing to you, your life and the people around you? Do they show it?

Vergil does not exactly enjoy it, but there is a satisfaction to when things go as planned. For example, after months of you running and hiding whenever he returns to his living quarters and him having to hunt you down and either coax you out or punish you, to then being able to walk through the door to find you eagerly waiting for him like a lonely pet, the rush of affection, pride, and satisfaction is indeed enjoyable.

Force = What, if any, kinds of things will they force on you? Isolating from friends and family? Going on dates? Physical affection and/or sexual acts?

If you break his trust or generally try to deny your destiny with him, he will force many things on you, such as punishments for misbehaving, imprisonment, and surgically inserting a tracking device.

If you never betray him though he won’t force things on you, but will trick you into them in a way. As an example, what if you have trouble with food, such as not being able to afford it, eating too much, too little, etc.…? Normally Vergil does not really care what you eat or your body not being of a particular shape. He is more interested in your mind and heart, plus all the advertising and subliminal messaging by big corporations that women must be thin and men must be muscular were just unobtainable standards made by demons to keep the humans in check. As long as you are happy and healthy, you can eat as you please. That’s the caveat though. If your relationship with food is unhealthy, mentally or physically, he will step in to help you but in a more subtle, secretive way. He’ll study what issues you are having and build a plan around it. He will subtly manipulate you into eating better, starting with “sharing his lunch”, which he always seems to make too much of to eat himself, and taking you out to eat. Then he will start planning dates around, or generally asking if you would like to engage in, cooking with him. Then, once you are living with him, he will have a personal chef who can make a healthy meal plan so you do not have to worry about anything. This manipulative plan would play out over the course of months but eventually, he will, in one sense of the word, force you into things like this for your benefit.

Gross = What is something they think is really romantic/sweet but is actually horrifying?

Vergil can destroy someone for you. I don’t mean simply killing them, though that is a possibility as well. Instead, he will use his business, his money, his fame, and his secret organization to socially and financially ruin someone. Whether it be someone who has terrorized you for a long time, maybe even traumatized you, or a co-worker that you complain about for making your job harder, Vergil will take things into his own hands. Within the month you will hear that that person lost their job, couldn’t support their family, and is now either in jail for crimes they did not commit or living on the streets doing horrible, degrading things just to get by.

In Vergil’s eyes, this is his way of protecting you and showing you how much he cares. He sees it similarly to a husband doing the dishes even though it was the wife’s turn to do them as a sweet gesture. But please, don’t feel guilty about it.

“Think of it as retribution for hurting you. Besides…” Vergil wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you to his chest so he can hug you as if your horrified reactions are the cries of a child being faced with something that they don’t understand that needs to be comforted. “now they can’t  bother you anymore.”

Hide = How easy is it to hide from them?

Vergil runs a largescale underground resistance force that gathers information on, and eliminates, the biggest names in pop culture. You are not hiding from this man, at least not for long. No matter what corner of the country you run to, in limbo or the human world, you will be tracked down and brought back to him. Your only chance is if you find a rural town in another country and abstain from all kinds of internet usage. If you do anything from popping on to the internet to watch a YouTube video, to look up information, or even do things that involve the internet like using a bank, The Order will become aware and pin down your location. And at that point, you better start running because a very angry Vergil is on his way to “pick you up”.

Improve = Will they be willing to recover from this psychotic state for their lover?

Possibly. But only with the combined help of Kat, Dante, and you, the only people he trusts in the world. You have to sit him down and make it clear to him that doing things like keeping you locked up “for your protection” and hurting people who you don’t like, or like too much, is more so hurting your relationship than strengthening it. He is a logical man and, with evidence and a clear talking to, he will understand where you all are coming from and start working towards being better.

However, when Vergil is betrayed by Dante, Kat, and possibly you, then all that work and attempt to be understanding of your point of view is shattered along with his heart and morals. He becomes 10 times worse than he was before and no amount of talking, begging, or evidence will stop him from taking you and keeping you safe with him.

Justification = Why are they acting like this? When and how did it start?

The world is built on lies and illusions, and those who succeed are those willing and able to outmaneuver and manipulate. Vergil learned this at a young age after being adopted by a rich and powerful family with many skeletons in their closet. This is simply the way of things, but Vergil will use his power for the better. When he is in control he will protect and lead those too frail and simplistic with respect. And as a leader, there are tough decisions he has to make that some may see as cruel but he knows best. All war is fought with deception, and in the fight for love he will do what he must to have, protect, and cherish you as the superior being to most other humans you are.

Kidnap = Are they willing to kidnap you? If so, how will they do it? For how long will they keep you and where?

He is definitely willing to, though he won’t jump straight to the chloroform to do it. Instead, he will be patient. Like a stray cat being lured by food, slowly acclimated to someone’s house, then having the door closed on them and being officially claimed, Vergil will woo you with sweet words, luxurious gifts, and safety from the demon-infested world into The Order’s headquarters. At first, he lets you come and go, though he makes it hard as he fills rooms with your favourite things and showers you with affection whenever he can. Then, one day, you’ll find that the door has been closed on you.

He will keep you there until his plan has succeeded and he and his brother are ruling over the humans. Then you can be given a bit more freedom as his partner, though you will always have to be guarded.

If you don’t fall for the trap or escape after it has gone off, then Vergil won’t hesitate to go with a more… forward approach.

Lonely = They are feeling lonely but you are busy with something else, what will they do?

Vergil is a patient man, as comes with the territory of being the leader of a secret organization that has to move quietly and slowly toward their goals so as not to draw attention. Plus he can get very absorbed into his work to the point that he ignores you, and everyone else, for days on end. This is all to say, he can handle not having your attention for long bouts of time.

If he does come to the end of his rope though, he will consider what you are doing. Are you doing something that is important to you or will aid the mission? For example, if you are at the doctor's or doing espionage. If not, then he will find you and tell you that “there is a bit of a problematic situation, I need to speak to you privately right away”. When you follow him under the belief that your assistance is needed, you instead end up on a plush couch, drink in hand, and Vergil pressed up against your side. His hands will sensually caress your legs, hips, shoulders, and head, and his lips brush against your neck while he whispers praises and how lonely he has been without you as of late.

Moving On = If you die or escape, will they be able to move on? How easy will it be for them?

He has his mission, he will focus on that. And for a while that works, but after a few years as the ruler of humans, the loneliness sets in and his thoughts drift back to you. He may not have been able to find you while staying underground and in the masked human world. But now that the worlds are merged and he has armies of humans, demons, and angels alike, he will search all the realms for you. Even if you have died, he is the ruler of all, he will find a way to bring you back or at least bind your spirit to him.

Non-Stop = How clingy will they be when you’re in a relationship? How possessive are they? And how much free space do they give you?

He gives you quite a bit of freedom and space, even if you have betrayed him and his plan to rule over the humans. He himself enjoys some quiet, private time so in turn offers you plenty of opportunities to do the same. He also prefers to have special moments together and to be able to talk to each other at the end of most every day rather than being glued together at the hip all the time. As for possessiveness, though he does believe you to be his destiny, he will not act on it unless he feels legitimately threatened. Speaking of which…

Other = Someone else speaks to or flirts with you, how will they react?

Vergil sees himself as superior to all other beings, only matched by his fellow Nephilim brother Dante. So if some lowly human or demon attempts to gain your attention, he is not bothered as he knows he outclasses them in every way. He can simply sweep you off your feet at any moment and win your attention easily. His confidence is easily shaken though.

The moment his relationship with you feels threatened, such as if someone almost as good as him, like his brother, starts flirting with you or you seem to be reacting positively to the affection, his mood switches quickly. His calm and polite demeanour becomes colder, more boastful, and confrontational. He won’t be outright hostel, but he will subtly try to flex and pull your attention back to him. And if the person just keeps encroaching on you two… well Vergil knows plenty of ways to make someone disappear.

Persistent = You have rejected/ignored their first attempts at gaining your attention. How many more times will they try and how quickly will their actions ramp up in intensity?

Vergil is focused and committed to his plan so when you two first start to get to know each other and he throws a line but you don’t bite, he isn’t too bothered. But with every subsequent meeting, he gets more and more obsessed with you. Meeting you over and over, each time he sees something new in you. A new side that makes him more and more enamoured. Slowly but surely his attempts to woo you get more blatant. And if still you rebuff his advances, well, he will just have to jump straight to plan b on the kidnapping scheme.

Questioned = How do they react if someone catches on to their odd behaviour and questions them?

If it is someone who is oblivious to the true nature of the world then he will do his best to uphold the innocent, gentlemanly, naïve persona he puts on for the public. He will deny what he can, minimize what he can’t, and play to the idea that he did not have a normal upbringing, what with skipping most of high school and starting a business at such a younge age, so he is not sure how to treat the person he has feelings for. He didn’t know that having a bodyguard, or himself, chaperoning you around everywhere was wrong. He just wanted to help you get around and make you feel safe.

If this person is someone who knows his hidden side, such as members of The Order, then his patience will be thinner. He will still try to assure them that everything is fine and, though his methods are a bit odd, he is doing his best to be a good lover. And finally, if someone who knows his true self questions him, aka Dante or Kat, then he may just listen to their feedback.

Risk = How risky will they be with getting rid of rivals?

It depends on what stage of his plan he is in. If he is still working underground, laying low as he and his team gather information and grow stronger, then the risk level will be minimal. This is also dependent on how public his relationship with you is. If you met through The Order then discreetly disposing of pests can be done without garnering much attention. However, if you met outside of The Order, then your existence and relationship with him is plastered all over forums and rag mags within weeks. If a love rival suddenly goes missing, even if they were a nobody, the humans who spend all their time gossiping, theorizing, and judging others based on limited information will jump to the conclusion that Vergil had something to do with it. In this case, Vergil will have to stick to his usual tactic of flexing his power, money, and regal demeanour to outclass the love rival, hopefully making them step down from the competition for your heart willingly.

If this is after Vergil has taken Mundus’ place, then there is simply no risk. Vergil will deal with any who try to steal you away viciously and publicly as a way to assert dominance and let all others know that, though you are an imperfect being that stands as an equal to an all powerful nephilam like him. They are far below your level. He is the only one good enough for you.

Sweet = Even when they’re Yandere they can be sweet. What’s their sweet Yandere side?

Vergil is supportive of your hobbies, career, and passions, encouraging you to do what it is you desire. He believes that everyone has a destiny and whether yours is something grand like fighting for a cause or as mundane as learning to be an accountant, he will help and support you in any way he can. He will buy you supplies, look over your work, or just be a listening ear when you are struggling. He also wants you to be proud of what you do, not minimize your contributions. Yes, his mission to take down Mundus may be more life-changing, but that does not mean your path is not important or worthwhile. You have a destiny, and it is imperative that you follow it. And Vergil will be at your side the whole way.

Type = What type of Yandere are they?

Vergil is the manipulative type, using his intelligence, power, fortune, and influence to get what he wants. He will use your secrets, fears, and mental weaknesses to make you dependent on him. Do you have social anxieties? Stress from work and/or school? Panic about bills and debts? Then he will convince you that you don’t need to go through any of that. Quit your job and/or school, let him pay off your debts, and come live with him. You can stay home all day with no worries, let him take care of you and love you, all you have to do is love him in return.

Unsure = How much trust do they have in you? What happens if you break it?

Despite how cruel the world is and how untrusting Vergil is of pretty much all sources of news, authority, and power, he has a small group of people he trusts wholeheartedly. He trusts his brother Dante, his best friend Kat, and the love of his life, you. You can go out whenever and wherever you please, talk to whomever you want, as long as you come back safe to him. He will tell you of his desires, his hardships, his doubts, his insecurities, and his plans if you only ask. And he will listen to you and anything you need to get off your chest and try to help you through it. If you say you will do something, that you’ll help, and that you love him, he will believe you. At least until you betray him.

If, for example, after you all have defeated Mundus, you, Dante, and Kat turn against him, his trust in you three will be irreparably shattered. After he returns from hell with his army to take over the human world and kidnaps you, no matter how much you apologize and do everything he wants, he will never fully trust you again. To his dying breath, even after decades of your devotion and love, the scar on his heart will never fully heal.

Vexation = What is the one thing that you could do to piss them off or worry them the most?

When the time comes for him, you, Dante, and Kat to take the reigns and rule over the humans, if you turn against him and side with his brother then he is devastated. He had honestly expected all of you to understand why you all have been doing this and his desires, but it seems he was wrong. The heartbreak of the woman who has been with him the longest on this journey, his only living relative, and worst of all, the love of his life turning against him was immeasurable. It was nearly enough to make him not fight back when Dante lost control and nearly killed him. But he survived and slunk off into the demon world. Once he returns with his demon army though, his last shreds of humanity in him are thrown away, he seeks you out first and captures you. You may not understand now, but even if it takes years of imprisonment, passion, and brainwashing, Vergil will make you see your mistakes and understand that the place you belong is with him standing at the top of the world.

Welcome = Let’s say they’re Yandere for you but you’ve not had your first meeting. How do they initiate it?

Vergil is not going to come at you with all his dark secrets. No matter how much of his heart you have stolen, if he were to let out any of his secrets he could put himself, his loved ones, his countless workers, and his mission at risk. Not to mention his mission of ruling, leading, and caring for humans is hard for many to understand and accept, he knows that much. So at first, he shows you his public persona, of a prodigy of codding and business who was raised to be a gentleman by his giving, and rich, adoptive family.

He’ll set it up like you casually meet each other, charm you just a little, then leave. Then he will ‘just so happen to bump into you again’, a simple lie to cover up how he has been tracking you. From there you will slowly grow closer and he will subtly start preparing you to enter his world.

Xeric = What is an innocuous thing you do that hits a nerve in their twisted mind and really turns them on?

Wearing the clothes and accessories Vergil picked out and bought for you. Or, even better, things he had tailor-made. Everything fits you so perfectly, as he had them modified for your body shape, and accentuate your beauty and status. And to see you in something he picked or helped design added to the allure of the claim. You were his and your clothes were a blatant sign of that. The number of times he has had to excuse you both during an event because seeing you in that suit he designed was something he could not handle anymore without ravaging you in it. Bonus points if you both return to the gathering, clothes back in place, with your private areas still coated in slick, seed, and essence.

Yearning = They want you but you are already with someone else. How will they win you over/steal you from your current partner?

Vergil is well aware that he is better than your current partner in every way, he just has to show that to you. So suddenly he will become more of a show-off than usual but as a philanthropist so that he does not look selfish. He will also take the time to charm you directly with compliments, gifts, and invites, and suddenly seem to know a lot about all of your interests. And, if you are already aware of limbo and the demons that manipulate the human race, he will show you his tactical power.

His attempts to win you over quickly become blatant, done purposely so Vergil can assert superiority and show that he does not fear your partner. If he is confronted about this and asked about his intentions, he will be honest and maybe a bit smug about it.

“Stealing your partner? I’m not stealing them, I am fighting fairly for them. I am showing them what I have to offer, and considerin how you burst in here to shout at me to stop, it tells me that you’ve realized that you’re losing.”

Zealot = If everything fails, will they be able to kill their partner? He will because he must. He has a mission to complete, a destiny that he must fulfil and people to save and rule. So if you prove to be a problem then you will be eliminated. The last shred of his love for you that you get to see before the world goes dark is that he could not bear to cut you down with his own hands. If he were to do that, the seeds of sorrow at lost potential would sow themselves too deep for him to ignore.

[luwritesomething]

hi!! i'm not sure if you'd be comfortable with this, but would you be able to do something with billy loomis x reader where the reader is possibly plus sized and has old sh scars? if you're not comfortable with the last part i understand.

Billy Loomis x Reader: draw stars around my scars

Warnings: Swearing (probably), self-harm topics, self-harm scars, reader did self-harm but now is better, bad reaction at first, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THESE TOPICS ARE GOING TO TRIGGER YOU.

Tags: healing, reader can be read as plus size, reader has stretch marks, reader has self-harm scars, projecting heavily

Reader pronouns: Non stated.

Word count: 1122

Summary: Billy sees Reader's self harm scars for the first time, on accident.

Author’s note: hi, thank you for requesting! this was healing to write, to be honest. as someone who dealt with self-harm for very long years, all i can say is that it does get better, you have to believe for a better way out for yourself and be very focused on your goal on staying clean. no one deserves to hurt themselves, i promise. if any of you reading this is at a very bad moment, if you self-harm, please know that my inbox and dms are always open for you to rant, even if we've never ever talked before. you can send whatever you want, do it with anonimity if you want through my inbox. but please, know that you're not alone. please, you need to do your best to get help, and if you can't, you must believe in yourself.

i never got help, and i'm still here, and honestly, i thought i would have ended all of this more than two years ago. please, please, stay strong. find your passion, stick to it. i'm leaving this my chemical romance song, because they really got me through my worst times, and the lyric "I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scars. Give a cheer for all the broken. Listen here, because it's who we are." really resonated with me and made me believe there was more than hurt. i'm always here for you <3

criticism, comments and reblogs are always appreciated! requests are open, especially for scream! hit that anon button and tell me your ideas. in the scream fandom, i write for billy loomis, stu macher, randy meeks, tatum riley, sidney prescott, mickey altieri, kirby reid, chad meeks martin, mindy meeks martin, tara carpenter, anika kayoko and laura crane.

Having Billy over wasn’t weird, in fact, you had grown so used to him sleeping around and staying until very late hours in your bedroom, that not having him there sometimes got lonely and awkward. You didn’t know much about the situation between his parents other than they had been fighting a lot lately, but that was enough, and you didn’t need to know more to offer a place for him to stay.

That night, you had just come out of the shower with the warm towel around your body when you heard some sounds outside your window. They were the kind of sounds stones made against wood, the kind of sounds Billy made to let you know he was outside, but you still got closer to the window to check if it was him. You saw him outside, with his denim jacket closed around his torso and his hand holding little stones he had gathered around your garden, waiting for you. When he saw you, he waved slowly and gestured to the window, for you to open it.

Making him a sign to wait, you stepped away from the window and hurried to put some clothes on before opening the window for him to climb and enter your bedroom. You settled for a simple t-shirt and cotton shorts, leaving the towel on top of your bed so you could finally let him enter.

Once you opened the window, you stepped back knowing he would climb up without any difficulty — he had really grown to master the art of climbing through your window. Billy was fast, and no longer holding the stones since you had finally realized he was outside, he appeared by your window and jumped inside with ease. 

“I’ve been outside for fifteen minutes.” He grunted as he cleaned his palms against his jeans, then pushed the rebel strands of his black hair away from his eyes.

“I was showering, I didn’t hear you.”

That made him look up, that little but still sweet smile of his appearing in his lips because God, did he like being with you — and it disappeared when his eyes landed on a particular place on your thighs, and you knew what he was looking at as soon as his eyes snapped back onto yours, something close to rage filling them up.

You had always been so careful hiding your scars. Lately, it was more because of not wanting to have difficult and awkward conversations and not because of being a constant in your life — the self-harming had stopped some time ago already, you had outgrown it, realizing that hurting yourself was something that you did not deserve. The scars were tricky to see, considering they were placed high on your thighs, and even if you wore regular shorts they were almost impossible to see, but these cotton shorts were shorter than usual. 

“Billy—”

“Tell me you’re not doing any of that shit to yourself.” He demanded, and his voice sounded as cold as ice, as hard as steel. Billy wasn’t going easy on this, and you didn’t expect less out of him.

“It was a long time ago.” You said, your voice remaining calm. It was for a few seconds, but your eyes followed him in the path to your thighs, to the scars matching the stretch marks. They were part of you now. “I’m alright now.”

The breath that Billy let out was shaky, which surprised you. He got a step closer to you, then regretted and backed away slightly. You knew his eyes were now scanning your arms, and you knew that, if he looked hard enough, he could also see the ones there — that, or you were the only one who could see the invisible traces the razor had carved into your skin in your worst moments, which was also possible. Some sights were impossible to forget.

“You are okay?” Billy asked softly, with a reason to doubt you. You had been dating him for months, being friends for years, but you still hadn’t told him — you had let him figure it out, by accident. 

You nodded. “I promise. I am. I’m clean, I’ve been clean for more than a year.”

Billy nodded slowly, almost like he wasn’t paying attention — but you knew he was. His steps were quick when he walked towards you and pulled you into a swift, loose hug, his chin resting on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and wrapped your arms tight around him. You wished you could go back and show that moment to your past self, as a promise that everything would work out, that you deserved better. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked in a whisper, and if you didn’t know him better, you could have sworn his voice was strained with emotion. It was. “I could’ve… fuck. Don’t ever do that again, please.”

“I know, I know, it was just…” You shook your head and let yourself hug him a little bit tighter. “It was difficult, bad timing and all… I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry I wasn’t there—”

“Billy, it’s not your fault.”

Billy pulled back slightly from you, looking into your eyes in earnest. “It’s not yours either.”

You smiled softly, and caressed his cheek with tenderness written all over your face. You hadn’t loved anyone more in your whole life. “I know.” You said, nodding your head, and it was true.

Billy watched you again, carefully, from head to toe, and only closed his eyes once he convinced himself that you were alright. It wasn’t something violent to see, it was calming — his worry for you, although at first rather rough and unmoving, healed the open wounds in you that always tried to lead you back into your old ways. The sickness of the addiction had been the worst, wanting to stay clean but slumping again, and again and again, but you were better now. You should have believed when you had heard that things would get better.

In silence, Billy pointed at your bed with his head, as his hand slid into yours firmly but softly. You only nodded, and put the towel away before you two slid into your covers. His hand wrapped around your hips, and it took you a little to realize that his fingers were deftly tracing your scars around, small tickles caressing your skin.

“I’m okay.” You muttered with a little smile on your lips, looking up to him.

Billy hummed lightly, and his lips came to your forehead, kissing you tenderly. You searched for his free hand and shifted around to find a comfortable position, snuggling against him, and feeling calm for the little, incoherent drawings his fingers made into your skin.

[au-starss]

REWRITE THE STARS !

༄ synopsis… a series of scenarios in which all odds were against you both, but you decided to rewrite the stars in your favour instead

༄ characters… albedo, artem, ayato, childe, diluc, dottore, kaeya, kazuha, luke, marius, pantalone, vyn x gn!reader

༄ tags… different aus, luke personal story spoilers, angst with a happy end

༄ words… n/a

༄ author’s thoughts… back on my grind baby (i say this then not post)

albedo !

forbidden tv romance

Albedo was casted for a new hit tv show that would help him maintain his current popularity. His costar? You! You both were set to play a high school couple; one working as a superhero and the other is his assistant and detective. The manager of the show only requested that you two stay civil and don’t become romantic. Well, too many romantic scenes later, you two fell for each other. The manager fired you for it, killing you off in the show. So Albedo followed and quit. He would give up his fame for you, knowing that a day in love with you would always beat a life in stardom.

artem !

work keeps him consumed

As the top attorney in Stellis, his life is filled with work, work, and more work. It’s not like he wanted to be alone in his office most nights. And he doesn’t want to leave you alone like he normally does. You were so frustrated with him not being there for you, especially as your boyfriend. So one argument and slammed office door later, he realizes the fault in his ways, and feels terrible for neglecting you without intent. He makes it his goal to never hurt you like that again, finding you to reconcile and rewrite the view on your relationship from that point on.

ayato !

to be wed to another

The Yashiro Commissioner was to be wed to another from a different commission, a tactic to strengthen the bonds of Inazuma. It wasn’t a personal choice. If it was, he’d be wedding you rather than some random person he’s paired with. He doesn’t want to let you go, not ever. So, he proposes a compromise to his future bride. A deal that they will be “wed” for looks and the two may pursue relationships separately. So that way, you both can keep what you have going. Because he chooses his love over his relations any day of the week.

childe !

bad boy delinquent 

Known around for his chaotic nature, Childe had a reputation at school for getting into some trouble. The staff knew him by name, so did everyone else. You were no exception. So when he approached you one day asking to go on a date, you couldn’t resist. Your relationship progressed well and you were together for nearly a year. Then, you learn it was all one big bet with his friend. Even after you broke things off, he insisted he explain it all. Ajax fell in love during the bet, and knew telling you would hurt you. So he wanted to make things right. To love you. To cherish you. And boy did he from that day on.

diluc !

arranged marriage

Neither of you wanted to marry. Especially not for the sake of your royal family. But one meeting later, you were to marry Prince Diluc in the coming year. This meant a meeting a couple of days later, and you two were soon in a room together completely silent. However, upon actually speaking and chatting, the two of you seemed to have more in common than originally thought. You fell for him and his touch and kisses. You and him both wanted to take your relationship slow and have no societal pressures. So you asked for that, not taking no for an answer, deciding to take your love at your own pace.

dottore !

too dangerous

The doctor is very self aware of how dangerous he is. Anyone even bold enough to get close to him is put in immediate danger. This causes him to be really lonely. Enter you, someone passionate about caring about such a crazy man, and he foolishly gets close. Allows himself to open up to you. Break down walls. But you got kidnapped and hurt by his enemies before he could save you. The event in itself was traumatizing, and Dottore blamed himself. He finally admits how he has to leave you for you to stay safe, but you refuse. You promise to stick by him through it all. He finally understood how love worked.

kaeya !

family rivalry

Falling in love at a masquerade ball wasn’t exactly your plan, but it happened regardless. He had such a charming demeanor that pulled you in from the first word spoken. Unfortunately for the both of you, he was the son of your family’s rivals. You and Kaeya continued a secret romance, meeting each other at night and sending letters. But you were soon caught, and your family forbade you to ever see him again. But that didn’t stop him from convincing you to run away with him. So that’s what you did. Living a life away from a rivalry and instead sticking to what you both know best; love.

luke !

doesn’t want you getting hurt

Luke knows his time is limited. Anyone possibly getting close to him again is out of the question. Of course, you were too adamant and persistent for your own good. He allowed himself to foolishly fall in love with you all over again, just like years ago. Once he finally realized his time was coming in the following months, he pushed you away again. He was gonna flee town after settling everything necessary. But the night of his leave, you begged him to stay, promising to love him through it all. Your assurance was all he needed to break down and stay, deciding to give your love a chance to help heal him.

marius !

societal expectations

His reputation as executive president keeps the world’s eyes on him. Watching and waiting for his next move. You can only imagine the shock when he announced your relationship after your engagement. The amount of harassment both of you received was not something you anticipated. At the point when Marius found you alone in your shared room, crying, he felt an immense guilt within him. He shared his worries, and you both shared tears. You wouldn’t allow him to ruin his reputation, but he told you he would never let you go like this. You deserved the world, and he was gonna give it to you.

pantalone !

popstar vs. fan

You were a part of a famous musical show unit that traveled the nation. And Pantalone was your dedicated fan. You had met him on various occasions, engaging in conversation and enjoying his hospitality. He offered to show you around his town, and you accepted. And before you knew it, he asked you to be his. You were determined to keep him away from the spotlight, scared of the repercussions. But he wanted to be your everything. It didn’t matter who watched him, he merely wanted to be with you. Sure, you both faced backlash from some fans, but it wasn’t anything you couldn’t fight together.

vyn !

his parents don’t approve of your status

As a prince, he must marry someone suitable for him and his status as a royal. That’s what’s expected. But, he fell for you, a commoner working in the gardens at his palace. Vyn loves you more than anything and anyone. And when he proposed, he conveyed to you that he will be there no matter what. So when his parents shamed him for being with you, he fought against them. Argued that he will be marrying you, and if they weren’t okay with that then he will step down from his title. The two of you are normally shamed upon, but with each other in arms, the stars are in your favour.

[mixelation]

Could I ask you a bit of a weird, possibly personal question? If Tori is your self insert(reflecting a younger version of yourself) and Itachi is your blurbo. What is the fantasy in creating a fake romance where neither of you have geniune romantic feelings but are performing a relationship? Why create a boundary from developing geniune romantic feelings?

If this question came off as rude I apologise in advance. Please feel free to ignore.

Was just curious what you as an author get out of this arrangement

Fantasy....? It's not a personal fantasy. I don't want to ever interact with an Itachi IRL. He's a fun little fictional guy to rotate and put in situations, but that doesn't mean I want people like him in my life.

Along those lines, Tori gets some base personality traits and interests from me, but she's not meant to BE me. She's a fictional character. It's fun and sometimes cathartic to make characters that are like you and then experiment with putting them in situations you never want to actually have or are otherwise impossible, but that doesn't mean I'm writing out secret little fantasies. By this point in Plasticity Tori's experiences have changed her into something pretty different from where she started, so she's less like me.

So why put them in what is basically a queer platonic relationship...? IDK, why put them in a romantic relationship? Why make them dislike and distrust each other in Plasticity? Why give her beef with Shisui, or have her get along with Kushina? It's just a fun way to play with characters and their dynamics. I don't see a lot of relationships like this in fic, and I haven't written one like this before. It's just fun.

EDIT: It occurred to me that anon might be asking "what's the appeal of this if it never develops into romance?" like romance is the end goal of a relationship dynamic. It's not. You can have a deeply fulfilling, close platonic relationship with someone and it not be romantic or sexual.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

i think the reason why people don’t like mai for zuko is because zuko is already a very grumpy, angry, pessimistic person and so is mai soo they reasoning is that he needs somebody with a more opposite and optimistic, personality like jin and katara who are more nice and caring than mai idk cause zuko does cheer up a little at the end aand katara is more supporting at the end at least oor that’s what people say idk what do you think? why does zuko chooses mai and not jin or katara? and what do you think of the people who “knows whats best for z ??

Anon, I'm gonna be honest here: the people that genuinely dislike Mai with any kind of bias affecting their judgement are very rare. Anyone who tells you the overwhelming hate she gets, both as Zuko's girlfriend and as her own character, are not 99% the result of zutarians being bitter that she "stole Katara's man" are either lying to you or were lied to.

Mai, alongside Ty Lee, is one of the most chill antagonists of the show. Zuko was far grumpier and MUCH more furious than she ever was. Hell, her main deal is that she is always too chill because she was taught to repress her emotions and not voice her opinions.

THIS is why she is Zuko's true opposite, the yin to his yang. When he is letting his emotions cloud his judgement, she's the voice of reason. And in turn, when she's getting too distant, he makes get out of her shell and connect. They've had their issues, sure, but by the end of the show they were all pretty much fixed.

Also, I would NOT call Zuko a pessimistic character. He has low points and moments of panic, but that boy kept himself mostly sane during three years of exile by holding onto to hope that, maybe, just maybe, this supposedly dead enemy of his nation that had been seen in 100 years was not actually dead, thus his mission wasn't pointless, and he'd have a way home. Just look at how over-confident Zuko is battle and at how many life threatening situations he got himself into because he acted without a plan, assuming that everything would turn out alright somehow. That boy is an optimist. A grumpy, moody, reckless optimist, but still.

Again, that's the kind of situation where he and Mai would ballance each other out. She likes the thrill of these adventures as much he does, but she will NOT act without thinking. Hell, she won't even put up with stuff that is not dangerous but that she considers beaneath her (see her refusing to follow orders in "The Drill").

This is thing that really bothers me about shipping, not just in this fandom: people forget that no one wants to date their clone, but no one wants to date their COMPLETE opposite either. You need common ground.

Katara and Zuko have the same temperament - proud, strong-willed, stubborn, wearing their hearts in their sleeves, and willing to get VERY mean when pissed off (never forget the "The stars look beautiful tonight. Too bad you can't see them, Toph!"). Then being a couple would just BEGGING for them to have some very ugly fights. As for their differences? Like I've said a million times before, their goals in life are so different they wouldn't even live in the same country. How could a romance between EVER work?

Ty Lee's temperament would be a good ballance for Zuko's, but the most common ground they have is they hang out with the same two girls and maaaaybe Zuko believes in auras too since he basically demanded Mai to defend herself when Ty Lee insulted her aura (this is totally not me letting my headcanon of Zuko taking that stuff 100% serious and writting down everything Ty Lee says on the topic cloud my judgement). Other than that, we see that Zuko clearly wants to be Fire Lord, and while Ty Lee just wanted to go back to the circus or travel around with her new friends. We barely get any interaction between them, so acting like there's evidence for her to be his perfect match is quite the stretch.

Same for Jin. They got along well enough on their date, but that was just for short bit of an episode, not even the entire episode itself. That's too little to claim she could be "the one" for him.

With Mai meanwhile, we had a ton of episodes, in which we got to see their relationship's ups and downs, and see that they managed to bounce back from some pretty serious conflicts and still clearly adore each other after it all.

As for Zuko choosing her over any other girl, it's simple. He likes her. He likes her dry/sarcastic humor, how badass she is, how much she enjoys physical affection, how she doesn't put with any bullshit fro anyone (including himself), how she was bold enough to basically tell him, Azula and Ty Lee to fuck off, how pretty she is when she hates the world (unbelievably iconic line) etc.

Mai is Zuko's type of girl, she likes him back, and they are compatible, and thus they ended up together. It's not rocket science.