#as ive said many times now every character had a reason for getting in the tournament and if you wanted them to get out

[just-some-guy-joust]

U FOUGHT WELL QUEENIE...SNIFFLE,,,SOB,,,WHIMPER,,,

Why is draculaura winning she's not even lovecore she's just pink 😭

o7 rest in fucking peace queenie you funny lil bastard

[slasherbvnnie]

Until We Found You | Part IV

Welcome back! This time we have the second ghostface smut. Part V will be out later tonight, but no smut! Just some pure angst and fluff. As always, heed the tags

Modern Day College Scream AU, Obsessed AFAB!Reader, Eventual Poly!Ghostface x reader, Eventual NSFW, All characters 18+, P in V, Fingering, Oral female!receiving, Overall smut

Part I Part II Part III  Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX

 Word Count: 2673

You had a good five seconds on campus before someone finally noticed. Before you even made eye contact with her for the first time that day, Tatum let out the biggest gasp she had ever made and grabbed your shoulder. “And who did you spend your night with,” she asked as you immediately blushed, covering up your hickey with your palm. “None of your business, tate,” you said as Stu laughed and put his arm around Tatum’s waist. “Maybe Randy finally got his shot, I mean with how scared you must be about the killer, maybe he offered some protection for you,” Stu joked as Billy laughed.

 “Don’t get the dork all worked up, Stu, you might put one too many ideas in that perverted brain of his,” Billy said as Randy rolled his eyes. “I can confirm it was not me, sadly, one of us actually has a job instead of living off student loan refunds,” Randy said as the group put their attention back on you. “Well, whoever mauled you better show up at the mall after class today. I wanna see who gave you that, you know, to vet them or whatever,” Tatum said as Sidney nodded. “Yeah, and then we’ll get on their case for mauling you,” she added, making you laugh.

Your day was mostly spent around nervously tiptoeing around the girls questioning you on who you spent the night with. You had talked to other people on campus that didn’t include your little friend group but had never shown interest in them, so they questioned you on any and every one they knew to see who it was. “Okay, what about the guy who almost hit you with that football last week, Kyle? Kit? Kaleb.” Tatum recalled, “Kevin, and no,” you answered simply as Sidney took a stab at it. “Nah, it has to be Oliver,” she suggested, making you pause and show a gross look. “One of my biggest bullies in high school? No thanks,” you shrugged as Billy turned his gaze to you, Stu looking back at you through the rearview mirror. 

“Bully?” Billy questioned as you nodded. Throughout most of school you had been bullied, not really by one group in particular but there were enough to only leave you with Casey as one of your only friends until senior year. It stopped when college came around, no one cared enough to bully someone they spent one hour a day with. “Yeah, he always bullied me, ever since second grade. At first everyone thought he liked me because they thought being mean to someone was how you showed a crush but after this one time he faked asking me out in high school just to stand me up, it came kinda clear he hated me,” you explained with a little bitter laugh, going silent when you noticed the awkwardness.

 Billy’s face was stone cold, but you could tell in his eyes that he was angered. “It’s fine, I’m over it now, but yeah, definitely not someone I would let sleep with me,” you said as you looked away, not noticing the glance that Stu and Billy shared. “Is he still a dick to you?” Stu asked as you laughed, “I guess? I dunno, I find it more funny that he’s still got a grudge against me for some reason, but at least he doesn’t try to pull my hair anymore,” you said jokingly.

“How about we go in there?” Tatum suggested as you and Sidney both shared a laugh, “what? You have a mystery date and you might want a cute outfit for Billy sometime,” Tate said as you and Sidney looked to each other before looking at the boys. “How about you two run off for a bit instead of being giant pervs, we’ll meet up again at the food court,” you suggested as Billy and Stu were quick to agree. Their rapid head shakes made you all rile up with laughter, smiling and heading into the store together. 

“Sooo, what’s your mystery dates favorite color?” Tate asked as you smiled, “I don’t know actually, that’s a good question,” you hummed as you looked at the different choices of lingerie that lined the store. “I think they like any color really,” you said as you spotted a red laced set, it was a bralette styled top that had strips running down the side to connect to the underwear. Sidney noticed where your eyes lingered and laughed, “they’re kinky, huh?” She joked as you laughed and nodded, “really,” you agreed. You picked through the outfit to find your size, wondering if ghostface would like it, you guessed they probably would enjoy the blood red color of it.Later that night you were in your bathroom, glad that your parents had left to have dinner at your grandparents, which they did very hesitantly given the incident a few days ago. When you reassured that with all your friends only a few blocks away and access to cars, as well as the marvelous creation of phones to dial 911, they let you be.

You found yourself looking in the mirror as you checked yourself out for the 100th time in the lingerie you had bought. You blushed and wondered if your masked killer would enjoy the outfit, running your hand slowly across the lace fabric. You heard a noise from outside, quickly throwing on a tshirt- one you didnt care about if ruined again- and pj shorts before heading out into your bedroom.

You peeked over your window to see nothing, frowning to yourself before sighing and taking a seat on your bed. But when you were met with the back of the costumed body looking over your vanity you let out a small scream, making them turn to you. “Jesus christ you scared me!” You yelled at them before relaxing, “no window climbing this time?” You asked as they shook their head, continuing to look around the room. You noticed their little glances around the room, curious as to why they were studying it. They turned towards you once more, walking over to you and looking you over. They were less aggressive than last time, using two fingers to tilt your head up to them. Their fingers were warm, which caught you off guard, just yesterday they were cold to the touch.

“There’s two of you?” You questioned, their demeanor changing quickly as they grabbed your chin. “I-I don’t know who you are, i swear. It’s just- y-your touch…” you spoke quickly, trailing off as their grip loosened. “The last one was cold, kinda felt like a corpse,” you said jokingly, “and you’re warm…plus you keep looking around like you haven’t been here before.” You said to them, their touch going back to just gently holding your chin up. They moved away from you, going back to your vanity and grabbing a small black bag, bringing it over to you. You blinked in surprise, looking up to them before they gestured to open it. You reached into the bag, pulling out a piece of paper that was torn, giggling at the words that were printed onto it. ‘Sorry about the last guy :(‘

“See? I would have figured it was two of you anyways,” you said as they shook their head. You smiled, reaching back into the bag and looking at your two new Carrie shirts. One was in the style as your previous one, the other a different one but still in the correct size. “I didn’t think I would actually be treated to a new shirt,” you admitted, hearing a chuckle from them. You didn’t say it out loud, but your heart was filled with joy knowing these two masked killers, regardless of not knowing them, were being so kind and caring towards you. You swooned, noticing how different the two seemed. The other one scared you a little, not really knowing their true intentions, but this one seemed so much more gentle and sweet with you. “I um, I also had a little surprise for you,” you said, noticing how they perked up at your words.

A blush rose to your cheeks as you looked up to them, adjusting yourself before sitting up on your knees. “but you’ll have to take my clothes off first to see it, mr. ghostface.” you whispered out, which made them grab you by the waist and lay you down on the bed. They didn’t take out the knife, instead their hands darted to the hem of your shirt and lifted it up to reveal the red lingerie underneath. A small groan left them as they quickly worked on taking off your shorts, making you giggle at the rush in their actions. You let out a little whimper as they groped you, aware now of how unintentionally strong their grip was. They squeezed your breast that was covered in the lace, their other hand roaming up and down your side. The lack of their touch made you whine out, pouting up at them before they moved to grab the final thing from the bag. A new blindfold, one dedicated just for you. They were quick to tie it, making sure you didn’t see through it by waving in front of you.

All you heard was a little thump of the mask and them struggling to take their gloves off before you heard the rest of their clothing thump to the ground. Before you could even take in a breath you felt their hand already cupping your core, their lips attacking the part of your breasts that were left uncovered from the lingerie. They roamed around before their lips were now on your neck, creating a new hickey right above the old one. You moaned softly, a shaky hand reaching to grab their arm.You could feel their muscles contract and tighten at the touch but when you made no movement to touch elsewhere, they quickly calmed down and continued their lust filled attack on you. They teased you over the lace panties you wore, their smirk growing as you let out little huffs and moans. The bed lifted, their frame no longer causing it to dip and your hand was left holding nothing, a small pout made its way to your agitated frown as their touch left you. After a moment you gasped, feeling their hands spreading your legs apart as they placed gentle kisses onto your inner thighs.

It was the first time you felt the blade, but they didn’t trail it across your skin like the other, instead they used it to make you exposed to them. Another whine left you, “you owe me a new outfit again, this was brand new,” you whined, they responded with a nip to your inner thigh, not doing anything else before diving into you.Your back arched on impact, their tongue on your clit as they spread you open with their thumbs. “fuck,” you moaned out, your thighs closing around their head to lock them in place in pure instinct. They were skilled at this, eventually finding the perfect pace that had you shaking and squirming. Every time you tried to shimmy up and get away from the pleasure, their large hands wrapped around your thighs from behind and pulled you back down onto their face. You weren’t even aware of how many minutes had passed before your thighs were shaking, only being held up by their grip. “Wait, fuck, you’re-“ the breath was knocked out of your lungs as they entered their middle finger into you, their pace matching that of their tongue as they thrusted it in and out of you.

 A loud moan left your lips as you came, whines and whimpers erupting from your chest as their ministrations didn’t stop. “Please, please, ‘s too much,” you pleaded, clawing at your bedsheets as they just hooked their arm around your thigh and pulled you down back onto their face once more. It was practically like a scene from the Exorcist as you came again, your back arching off of the bed as you nearly let out a scream from all the pleasure. This time they slowly pulled away after you came down from your high, lapping at you one last time before pulling away and hovering over you. Your chest heaved as you did your best to catch your breath, smiling softly at the gentle kiss they placed onto you. You felt them snake their hand into yours, making you giggle as they wrapped their fingers in the spaces between your own. A smile curled onto their lips when they heard your laugh, growing even wider when you let out a moan as their free hand went back to your entrance. They still held your hand as they pulled back a little, your legs spreading more as you felt them running their tip along your slit.

 At every swipe to your clit you let out a moan, gasping when they entered you. Within a second their lips were attacking your neck again, earning whines and moans from every bite, lick, and thrust that they tortured your body with. The pleasure was dizzying, you had never really gone so many rounds with someone before, the recovery time was practically nothing with how fast your climax was building up again. They were more gentle, their free hand roaming over the bralette you still had on, teasing your nipples over the fabric as they littered your skin in love bites. You were already regretting Tatum’s and Sidney’s teases about them tomorrow but for now, you accepted your fate.

Their pace was quick but managed to hit all your sweet spots, their hand that held yours was gripping you so tightly their knuckles turned white, which only brought you closer to the edge. Their free hand found its way to your clit again, rubbing it in time with their thrusts to completely overwhelm you. Your orgasm washed over you hard, the seconds felt like they lasted a lifetime as you did your best to come down from your high, but their continued sloppy thrusts didn’t help one bit. A loud whine left you as they came, biting into your neck to cover up their moan. They pulled out slowly, letting go of your hand and kissing you once again. Unlike the other ghostface, they laid down in the bed with you, pulling you against their chest. You accepted the invitation, resting against their chest and listening to their heartbeat as you recovered from your orgasm. 

“Next time…do- uh,” you spoke softly, a bit shy to get your thoughts out into words. You felt their fingertips tracing your jaw, relaxing as their thumb ran over your lips. “Do you think the both of you could come by next time? You- uh, you don’t have to but…” you trailed off as they kissed you, feeling their head move in a nod. You smiled, heart fluttering with excitement knowing both of them would be alone with you. “And don’t forget the new lingerie set, please,” you requested with a little laugh. It was an hour later, ghostface gone and you freshly showered and dressed in your pajamas again. 

Your phone rang, seeing Sidney’s caller id and answering quickly. “Hey, have you seen any of the police cars pass by?” She asked as you looked out your window, “no, how come?” You asked as Sidney sighed. “Oliver, the neighbors said they heard screaming and shit breaking and when police got there they said he was dead,” she said as you frowned. “Do they know if it was the killer?” You asked, “yeah, neighbors said they saw him running off. They tried going after them but they couldn’t catch up.” She told you, you sighing and shaking your head. “That’s so creepy…” you said, thinking back to the conversation you all were having earlier that day. You couldn’t help but wonder if ghostface was stalking you, if they already knew you and your past. 

[sophswritingthings]

ruin my life -- chapter 1

| warning(s): light swearing |

| a/n: modern mizu had such a grip on me, and now were here. |

| summary: an overlook into mizu's life before you enter it. |

| song rec: ruin my life -- zolita (for the story, in general) |

| word count: 776 words / 4,211 characters |

______________________________________________________________

mizu always kept to herself, she was never the loud type. always played a background role, even if people thought she should be in the spotlight.

never had she believed that before she met eiji.

eiji was an alumni at her school.. one of the many famous actors the school had produced. the amount of actors they had produced is why she really wanted to go to the school, in the first place.

and meeting him kind of changed her whole perception of her own talent, of her own mind. if someone who was so great could tell her all these great things about herself, they were true, surely.

"listen here, kid, nobody ever did anything by sitting on their ass and never getting anything done," he furrowed his eyebrows as they walked side by side, through the halls of the marbled school. "I know that better than anyone. you remind me of myself, when I went here."

she arched one eyebrow, "how come? im.. nothing like you, I mean.. you're this great actor and im just.. a college student who can barley pay their own tuition."

he gently gripped her shoulder, nodding, "exactly. do you think I was some great guy while I was in college? I didn't come from riches, kid, I could barley pay for this college when I was your age."

she adverted her gaze, a little sigh leaving her lips, "suppose that's true," mizu mumbled.

"and ive heard you do fencing," he tapped his cane against the ground, "as did i."

"oh--yeah. yeah, I know," a small smile crossed her lips. "its part of the reason I wanted to start. sort of, I guess."

"its a noble practice," he nodded, smiling a bit. "may I request to meet you, again, mizu? after your classes, tomorrow."

her eyes widened, gazing at him. someone as great as him, wanted anything to do with them?

"um, uh, yes." she stammered, "I'll meet you here."

and from then on, that's what they'd do. hours turned into days, and days turned into weeks that she would meet eiji for both fencing practice, and acting/college advice.

eiji was basically the father she had never had, someone to inspire her, push her forward.

her college life had improved, a little. not by much, but a little. she still lived in a small-ass college dorm with three other girls, sharing two sets of bunk beds in the room the size of a walk in closet.

"mizu? hey?" one of the girls, carrie, seemed to take an interest in her early. and of course, she had settled on the top bunk of mizu's bed. the girl popped down, swinging her head over mizu's bed. "you doin' anything tomorrow? me and some friends were going out and--"

mizu's head had almost immediately blocked out any word she said. she didn't want anything to do with this girl, nor what she was offering. she seemed to be the kind of girl to cling and never leave, and she was not about that. she'd come home crying over some new girl every week, she could guess, crying that they said she was "too clingy".

"uh--yeah. im working," mizu hissed, never looking up from her phone.

that wasn't a lie, actually, she had work at her average pay job as a barista. she had been working there ever since she got accepted into the college, how else would she pa her tuition?

not that it helped, much, it wasn't the best pay ever. and her tuition was more than 50,000 dollars a year--she was going to be in debt for more days than she thought she could count. but if she managed (and hopefully she would, with eijis help) to get a good gig, or few, she could pay it off in no time.

the coffee shop wasn't too bad, though. customers were usually quiet, besides the few that would come in every so often. she'd get okay tips, considering she tried to be as respectful as she could.

she had her friends. none of which attended the same school--they all had different majors. whom she considered her best friend, akemi, was in harvard law school miles away from them. taigen had gotten into law school, too, just not the same. (he definitely wasn't smart enough for harvard, that's for sure.) and ringo, the sweet culinary major she'd met going out for drinks, one night, with akemi. he was a mixologist, and despite his lack of hands--he was a wonderful one.

her life was calm. her life was quiet.

there was never anything absolutely interesting, about it.

that was--until you walked into it.

______________________________________________________________

[inawearyworld]

free if you truly wish to be: chapter iv

shit goes DOWN. as y'all have probably gathered. bc. yknow. the plot of the movie. but first there's a song yayyyyyyyyy

2023!wonka x oc, this chapter ~2.5k

god, i love musicals.

(edit: realized after posting that i was looking at the wrong page of the screenplay while writing this and therefore royally screwed up the song structure of a world of your own but it’s fiiiiiiine)

once again, thank you mat for that interview taking a typical one-dimensional dahl villain and letting him be a more complex character. also i should probably throw a content warning on this one for depiction of a slightly abusive relationship

but i promise everything's gonna be okay soon-happy new year everyone!!

part three fic masterlist part five

While going through a time of personal growth involving trying to unravel one’s identity from that of one’s rich and powerful husband, it often happens that there are advantages to said husband being wrapped in worry over a new business rival-and, therefore, spending far more time at the office.

Wren’s favorite advantage at the present moment was that she was the only one to watch the mail come in.

Deep purple stationery was the signal she looked for-and steadily received, then returned with her own emerald letters-every day. The notes included scrawled updates regarding the operation to allow the earnest young chocolatier his day in the sun, anecdotes about the group of launderers that supported it (who she’d snuck out to meet often enough that they now felt like a second family), tales of a mysterious orange man, and exchanges of advice, witticisms, and Shakespeare quotes.

The handwriting was inexperienced, and there were more than a fair share of spelling errors toward the start of their correspondence, but she didn’t care a whit.

We’ve got the shop, Willy had written one day. For now, the task is digging through its decrepit debris and designing its decoration. (The credit for those words goes to Noodle-she says hello.) There are so many possibilities, I barely know where to start.

Start with the “why”, Wren wrote back. That’s what I always do. If there’s a piece I’m struggling to sing and I lose motivation to practice, I go back to the reasons I love the piece, even all the way back to the reasons I love the arts in the first place. Maybe there’s something in there for your shop-what made you want to share your chocolate with the world? (And hello to you too, Noodle!)

My dear Wren, came the reply, you’ve just given me the best of ideas.

He told her then about his mother and the inspiration she provided. Wren would be lying if she’d said a tear hadn’t fallen onto that particular letter.

As for how to keep him safe from the Cartel, police, and every other corrupt authority, Wren did her part by becoming Florence again whenever necessary. She acted less suspicious around her husband, leading him to be less secretive-although the gain in information was miniscule, it was better than nothing.

Felix’s rages would range anywhere from tittering, jealous rants to scheming monologues during which his whole being seemed to take on a lower, darker, more calculating tone. She’d listen carefully to all of these, tactfully calling out anything that might get him to consider he was wrong, but that had little to no effect.

Plan B, then, she’d realized, is all I can do.

So, whenever Felix seemed particularly incensed or just on the verge of coming up with how to destroy his rival, Florence would swoop in with wine and dark lipstick and a low-cut dress. She’d endure being his caged pet songbird, his doll, his perfect plaything, only because she had the growing feeling that things were about to change.

If Willy’s shop becomes successful enough to be completely undeniable, maybe the Cartel will finally acknowledge him as an equal. Maybe I’ll finally be seen as an equal, too. Maybe things will finally be truly fine.

So, night after night, she’d sit on her husband’s lap, twirl his tie, and kiss his neck until he’d forgotten the name of Wonka.

The same could not be said for her.

~

Due to just how glamorized she always had to be while in public, it didn’t take much to come up with disguise enough to be able to visit the new shop on its opening day.

With a fluttering sense of hope, Wren approached the fourth building of the Galeries Gourmet, blending in seamlessly with the sea of soon-to-be-wonderstruck passers-by. She cast a few nervous glances to the window of the Fickelgruber office, at which the man stood in his usual stance. There was no chance, though, of his recognizing her trademark ginger flame amongst the crowd; it was safely tucked under a dark, low-brimmed hat.

This could have set her mind at ease, but the fact that he looked even more smug than usual as he surveyed the ground below him made her nervous.

Did they plan something?

She was distracted from this worry by a sudden flash of color at the long-empty shop’s door. Willy Wonka stepped through, looking more himself than she could have ever imagined. He addressed the crowd with a flourish, and she marveled at his ability to combine showmanship with authenticity.

He took a skeptical older man’s arm, leading him to the shop’s entrance, and began to sing.

All at once, the shop transformed before all of their eyes, flooding with color, and the music settled into a sparking pulse that thrilled Wren to the core.

Willy grinned, fully in his element, and the doorway went dark. Gloved hands presented chocolate wonders as their creator sang them into existence. When he lit a match, the store seemed to come alive, and Wren gasped.

If his letter was anything to go by, the sight he had created was an homage to his childhood on his mother’s boat, brought to life in a way nearly too beautiful to be true.

Willy and the other man danced up a bridge of sorts as his song continued, proudly offering his shop as a world for each of his customers to call their own. Overtaken and lifted by the enchanting environment, Wren squealed with the rest of the crowd and ran into the shop, ripping the hat from her head and allowing her auburn curls to tumble freely down.

She threw her head back and laughed aloud. Her lack of makeup, and plain blouse and skirt replacing the usual emerald-colored finery, gave her assurance that she wouldn’t be recognized here; this was the closest thing she’d experienced to liberation in a very long while, and she relished it, along with the sweetly simple soar of Willy’s voice across his song.

When she looked up at him again, he was sitting on the boat that floated on the circling chocolate river, and she noticed he’d already been staring with a sideways grin. As the bassline that came from nowhere launched into a rollicking chromatic vamp, he tipped his hat to her, and she gave an enamored wave.

The second verse passed, and suddenly he’d reached her, extending a hand which she took without a second thought. He helped her onto the boat, then pulled her alarmingly close, but before she could say a thing about it, a cloud of smoke appeared around them.

Wren blinked and realized that she and Willy were now at the base of the massive chocolate tree in the center of the shop.

“How did you-”

But he only smiled and started to dance his way up the tree.

“A world of your own,” he sang, then gestured an invitation straight towards her.

This’ll be easy enough, she thought, nearly bursting with joy.

“A place to escape to,” she continued, running farther up the tree to meet him in the middle. His expression filled with awe upon finally hearing her sing, and they began a whirling back-and-forth.

“A world of your own-”

“-where you can be free!”

“Wherever you go, wherever life takes you…”

“This is your home,” she sang to him, twirling herself into his arms and beaming with pride. He’s found it-he’s created it.

“A world of your own,” they finished. He looked at her for a moment, seeming struck, then kissed her hand and disappeared through the branches of the tree to continue with the song’s bridge. She let out a dazed and happy breath, taking a moment to let her gaze roam the shop from her perch in the chocolate tree.

She didn’t know what would happen next, but she’d be damned if she wouldn’t let herself enjoy this moment.

~

What did happen next was…as an understatement, not what any of them had hoped.

She wished she could say it was a complete surprise, and she wished she could have done more to stop it. The candy started having disastrous effects, the customers understandably balked, and it was clearly not Willy’s fault in the least. In a blur, the shop was in ruins, and Wren sat in shock with the little group who’d worked so hard to make it magical.

The candyman himself was devastated; not just by the massive setback, but by the absence of his mother’s spirit. Wren and Noodle sat by his side, but Abacus ushered them up. It broke Wren’s heart to think of leaving him like this-if the truest and most trusting dreamer on Earth can be broken down, where’s the hope for the rest of us?-but she somehow still felt she had to follow the group out.

She felt a hug around her waist and a held-back sob, and looked down to see Noodle clinging onto her. Wren immediately knelt to her level and hugged the girl close, finding it hard now to keep back her own tears.

“Terrible shame what-”

“Florence?”

Slowly, she opened her eyes, her breath dropping to the floor.

Slugworth had spoken first, a smooth and practiced opening to what would have turned into a gloat. The voice that had interrupted him was genuinely shaken and clearly belonging to her husband.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered to Noodle, who nodded. “You can go, you shouldn’t have to see this-”

“Florence,” his voice came again, at a loss. She took a breath, stood up, and faced him with tears in her voice.

“Hi, Felix.”

Silence.

Slugworth looked with growing puzzlement between the woman and the girl, and Felix could only stare at his wife with dawning realization.

“You’ve been working with him,” he said simply, every usual quirk of inflection having vanished.

For a moment, the wash crew surrounded her in an attempt at a shield, and she heaved a breath to keep back a sob-of fear, of gratefulness for these friends that had become family over the past weeks, of everything suddenly crashing down.

“I’ll be okay,” she said quietly to the wash crew and perhaps to myself. “You all should go. Like you were going to. I’m sorry.”

They didn’t move.

She looked at Piper, whose worried hand was on her arm. There was an unspoken vow of protection between the women in that moment, but Wren’s eyes pleaded, so Piper nodded sadly, took Noodle’s hand, and the group left.

Wren was almost afraid to look at Willy, but she did; the boy was staring at the old chocolate bar in his hands, looking as if he could barely process a thing.

The sympathy in her gaze must have been far too obvious, because she suddenly heard footsteps, felt a hard grip on her wrist, and gasped in pain as it was yanked up and backwards.

“Darling,” Felix hissed with a sinister edge, though his voice was breaking, “I don’t know how or why this betrayal-”

“Betrayal?” she finally cried out, breaking free from his grasp as Willy rushed between them. “You lot have just poisoned dozens of innocent people, all for a business rivalry, and I won’t-”

“If you want your family not to starve, you had better lower your voice,” he barked.

Every speck of air seemed to leave the room.

“...My family?”

“I may have been distracted enough for the past weeks to ignore the mail that came in and out of our house, but I had not always been that blind. I thought your compassion to be an incomprehensible gesture, but I let it slide. When I felt like it.”

…They haven’t gotten everything I’ve sent.

They haven’t-

“In fact,” he continued, “it served as what was almost a pleasant reminder of the truth. For your family, for your stupid dream, and for your sweetly dependent soul-you need me.”

“If you knew I was poor, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it’s the same way for me!”

This was the peak of what had been a building explosion, and this was the moment in which they both remembered there were other people in the room.

“What?” the four besides him breathed, almost in unison.

“Oh, you heard right,” Felix launched into speech, the characteristic gestures starting to work their way back into him. “I came from nearly nothing, just the same. But I did what I had to do to climb to the top. I cast them all away, left my old life behind completely, and I suppose it was a foolish hope to think my wife would do the same. But she-but you-you are nothing but a guileless, deceitful bleeding heart.”

“I…”

Tears blurred her vision.

“I am…genuinely sorry that you felt you had to hide your past, but that doesn’t excuse trying to make the rest of the world match your insecurity and fit your little chocolate mold. And if that makes me a bleeding heart…I’m proud of the title.”

For a moment, the man looked as if he would allow his wife’s words to affect him.

Then his face, normally so expressive, turned completely cold.

She’d lost him.

She’d never truly had him to lose.

But she looked at Willy, and she thought of the wash crew, and she realized she finally had a truer support system. And if she could try to start over, find some other way to earn money to send to her family without interception, and some other way to reach the dreams that felt so far away at the moment, she knew Felix would be wrong: she didn’t need him.

After a long silence, Slugworth cleared his throat.

“Get her out of here. We have business with Mr. Wonka.”

What?

Her and the younger man’s eyes widened, and they grabbed each other’s hands on instinct, but a small number of policemen came around the corner of the shop door at Slugworth’s order. They clamped hands on her shoulders and dragged her away from Willy as the Cartel stood silently and watched.

“Wait-wait, no, I-”

“Wren-”

She struggled, fought, kicked, but was forced into the backseat of a police car-

“Let me go, you corrupt bastards-”

“Wren-”

“Let me-”

“Just drop her somewhere in town,” Felix said coolly. “Somewhere that isn’t my home.”

“WREN!”

The car door was slammed, and the last thing she saw was the Cartel advancing on a dazed Willy, opening a suitcase of cash.

All she could do was scream, and the scream turned into a cry.

They did indeed drop her somewhere. She burst out of the car the second it had stopped, and the officers drove away without a word.

Sick with worry and trying to regain her breath, she looked around, almost fainting with relief when she saw the laundry building. Piper, having heard the commotion, stood outside, and they looked at each other for a moment before Wren fell sobbing into her arms.

This is not over.

[genshinnrambles]

[4.1] What is "It"?: Theories on Will, Wishes, and Fate

With the finale of Fontaine’s Archon Quest in just a few days, I know there’s a lot of questions I’m personally anticipating the answers to: what is the true origin of the prophecy? What is the Primordial Sea, really? What is the connection between it and the Abyssal whale? And just what exactly did Skirk mean when she said that Childe had awakened “it” and had traces of “it” on him?

Most community theories suggest that “it” just refers to the whale, but like, what is the whale? Why did Childe even see it in the Abyss all those years ago, and why has it reappeared now? Well, I have a few ideas I’d like to explore about that, albeit in a very roundabout way, and they start with a quest that I feel has been severely under-discussed and under-theorized since its release: Yoimiya’s second story quest.

It’s understandable that this quest didn’t get too much buzz between its very unfortunate timing in patch 3.7, when community burnout was exceptionally high, and Honkai Star Rail’s debut as the Shiny New Thing. But it’s also a shame, because this story quest is full of interesting lore, Freudian references, and a few intriguing world building mysteries beneath its very wholesome story and further exploration of Yoimiya’s character. That is to say, the content of Yoimiya’s second story quest really matters. It’s not just because it is the first non-Archon character’s second story quest to date — it’s because it is an incredibly important piece of the puzzle comprised of Nahida’s second story quest, Caribert, and Khvarena of Good and Evil that was preparing us for Fontaine’s plot.

This is an attempt to identify and analyze the connections between Yoimiya’s second story quest and those above, as well as to theorize about the greatest mystery in Yoimiya’s quest, the “Urstone,” and finally tie all of that into Fontaine’s Archon Quest thus far. As that is an ambitious project, this will be far from an exhaustive theory, but I hope to at least get closer to understanding the meaning behind Childe awakening ”it.” 

SPOILERS: Fontaine AQ Acts I-IV, Yoimiya’s SQ Act II: Star-Pickers’ Passage, Aranyaka, Nahida’s SQ Act II: Homecoming, Khvarena of Good and Evil, Ei’s SQ Act II: Transient Dreams, Kazuha’s SQ: A Long and Friendless Road (very minor), and Caribert.

A “Story”

Yoimiya: But there’s a premise to every legend, and that’s belief!

Since it's been a while, let’s start with some recap of Yoimiya’s Act II: Star-Pickers’ Passage. 

By chance, the Traveler comes across Yoimiya in Inazuma as she prepares to search for a great meteor shower like the one that her ancestor saw many years ago. It’s patch 3.7, so the Traveler’s got a lot of time to kill and offers to go with her from Ritou to Port Ormos. There, they come across Acara Crafts’ stall that sells Aranara carved figures, which Yoimiya buys out to bring back as souvenirs to Hanamizaka.

In Sumeru City, Yoimiya and the Traveler briefly split up to look for meteor shower leads, and the Traveler runs into Nahida at the Akademiya. Upon learning their journey’s purpose, Nahida explains that meteor showers are unpredictable occurrences related to “intricate fates” interfering with one another, and for this reason seeking one out reliably is impossible.

The Traveler and Paimon are reluctant to tell Yoimiya this out of fear of disappointing her and rendering her journey meaningless, so with Nahida’s help they decide to facilitate the meteor shower through a dream in order to fulfill her wish.

This is the first of many references to psychoanalysis and Sigmund Freud’s theory of dream interpretation in this quest. Freud thought that the psychological purpose of dreams is to fulfill wishes, particularly wishes that we’ve forgotten through repression. He believed that these unfulfilled wishes are what produce the dream itself; the wish “wants” to be remembered, and the mental processes that repress it are weakest at night, so dreams are our mind’s attempt to translate the underlying “thought” that represents the wish into “images” while we sleep. Through dreams, unfulfilled wishes can be made conscious or remembered and fulfilled through a fantasy. 

To lure Yoimiya into the dream and sell her their “story”, the Traveler and Paimon craft the perfect pretext so that she fully believes that they are preparing to see a meteor shower. Their pretext’s foundation, namely the idea that meteor showers are summoned by people’s wishes, subtly twists the truth in Nahida’s words so that something intangible and uncontrollable is framed as something with an amount of certainty. In other words, by controlling the pretext, the Traveler and Paimon are able to control “truth.”

Upon reuniting with Yoimiya, the Traveler finds her with a little girl in a wheelchair named Avin. Before parting ways, Yoimiya gives her a carved Aranara souvenir to thank her for guiding her through Sumeru City, and to cheer her up. Yoimiya then tells the Traveler that Avin has an unknown chronic illness that immobilizes her legs, and that she had approached Avin because she seemed to be alone and in a bad mood.

As they refocus on finding the meteor shower, the Traveler and Paimon begin to tell Yoimiya their lie and set the plan in motion. They play the role of magicians using careful misdirection to craft a wonderful illusion; beneath the ruse of finding the right “location” (or “space”) and forging a special device (which can be anything) to observe the meteor shower, they will take Yoimiya on a journey through Sumeru and make memories with her, adding meaning to what is ultimately a trick. With these seeds planted, they head off to Devantaka Mountain to “practice” wishing for the meteor shower.

At the top of the Ruin Golem there, Yoimiya shares more about her motivations for setting out on this journey. As someone who was entrusted with the wishes of everyone in Inazuma who heard of her dream, Yoimiya began to wonder why people derive this meaning from meteor showers in the first place: 

Yoimiya: People use fireworks to remember their most precious memories, and these memories sparkle and shine each time the fireworks fly.

Yoimiya: In other words, fireworks symbolize the past. Yoimiya: And shooting stars make people think of wishes because wishes carry people's brilliant hopes and expectations for the future. Yoimiya: One represents the past, and the other the future. They both bloom in the sky, but have completely different meanings behind them.

Yoimiya’s belief that wishes are beautiful things that join the past and the future is what gives her journey meaning, and this is what keeps her moving forward despite the lack of certainty that she will ever find this beauty herself. This admiration for the hope in people’s hearts is what shapes her wish, too.

After returning to Sumeru City, they ask Ahangar for guidance on how to forge an observation device with the purest ore. After some initial skepticism, he chooses to entertain their “story” and tells them about his own profession’s local legend: somewhere, there exists an excellent forging material that few have ever found, and the few who already have it have never used:

Yoimiya: So you mean that [the forging material] symbolizes dreams? Ahangar: Dreams, inspiration, obsession, focus…. Call it what you want. But if you take it to symbolize “purity,” then I believe it is your goal as well. Ahangar: We call it Urstone, but in truth, neither I nor my colleagues have ever seen it.

As they are about to set off and find this Urstone, Avin’s parents show up looking for her after  she didn’t return home that day. The Traveler and Yoimiya then find Avin collapsed on the outskirts of Sumeru City. After calming her down, Avin discloses that her illness has not just immobilized her – she has also forgotten her happy memories and how it felt to be passionate before she got sick. With no end in sight to her illness, Avin’s dreams of becoming an adventurer have ended and her world feels as if it is closing in on her – as she later reflects, her world had “shrunk down to a tiny space.” Avin’s illness is an objective truth with material consequences on her life, and this truth ended the fantasy of her innocence, along with her dream of becoming an adventurer one day. This loss of innocence, and therefore loss of childhood, triggered feelings of depression and hopelessness in her. However, the Aranara carving that Yoimiya gave Avin reminded her of her childhood friend, Arashani, who she desperately wanted to see again. 

To help Arashani and Avin reunite, the Traveler calls on the Aranara for help with a whistle that Nahida gave them for the dream-meteor shower. When Arapurva arrives, Yoimiya asserts herself as someone who both values childhood innocence and sees children’s dreams as worthy of protection, which earns the Aranara’s trust:

Arapurva: It seems that Red Nara has not yet grown up. Paimon: Huh? What do you mean by that? Arapurva: Time is very important to Nara. Nara walk with time. They remember much, and they forget much. But Red Nara is different. You know how young Nara think. The warmth in your heart is very pure, and it is fierce like the sun.

Arapurva then takes them all to Mawtiyima to find Arashani, and here they enter a collective dream. Before leaving them, Arapurva urges Avin to remember, and that to do so she needs both memories and dreams. Arapurva also says something very interesting, also worth keeping in the back of your head: “Dreams are connected to your heart, not your body.”

Avin: Wow, that’s amazing, is this…the power of my heart? Video Still from Streetwise Rhapsody

The dream space allows Avin to unite thoughts with belief to create images. Remember, according to Freud, the psychological purpose of dreams is to make conscious an unfulfilled wish – so, in this liminal space between the conscious and unconscious, Avin can create the image of herself walking again just by thinking of it, because it is her wish, and thereby remember how she once felt before she got sick.

As they search for Avin’s memories of Arashani, Yoimiya and Avin chase a wayward “star” across Mawtiyima’s mushroom canopy until they reach an iridescent pale blue stone with a solid partial casing surrounding it. Inside, the stone glitters with the light of the universe. 

Avin: I dunno how to explain this…I don’t know what it is, but it feels very familiar…Almost like it’s a part of me.

Yoimiya speculates that this stone is what Avin has been searching for all this time, and that it is her Urstone:

Yoimiya: It's a very rare ore that symbolizes a person's aspirations and dreams. Yoimiya: Since you can see it, that means you've found what you've lost. Avin: Is that how it works...? Avin: It's just like in fairy tales... I thought I'd stopped believing in those. Avin: But I'm glad that I found that belief again.

Avin then reaches into the Urstone and passes through it into a deeper layer of the dream, and there she reunites with Arashani, signaling that she has regained her memories. Having found him again, Avin’s hope is renewed and it changes her reality – indeed, it changes her fate. To be clear, Avin can’t dream or wish away her illness in real life, but her hope is what allows her to expand the “tiny space” her world had become in her depression.

After this, the crew seemingly returns to reality, but finds that Arashani is still there along with Arapurva. Having settled her worries, Avin resolves to help Yoimiya and the Traveler achieve their wish to see the meteor shower, and offers them her Urstone…

Avin: Yoimiya, you need this Urstone because you want to see a meteor shower? Yoimiya: Yep. Oh! Once we find it, you should come with us! Avin: If that’s how things are…I’m happy to lend you my Urstone.

…And then, Avin pulls a light blue lens from her chest, right over her heart. With this lens crafted using the purest ore, they locate a meteor shower of stars flying up from the ground and ride them through the clouds. Finally, they wake up from the collective dream and part ways in Port Ormos.

The Purest Ore and the Will to Power

Now, there’s a lot to discuss about Yoimiya’s second story quest, and we will get to as much of it as possible, but the bulk of this theory will be focused on trying to understand the Urstone, so that is where we will begin. 

Let’s start with what we know from the quest. We are told three things about the Urstone: it is “the purest ore,” it symbolizes dreams, and through the dream we are implicitly told that it represents the power of the heart.

This last area is where we’ll turn the majority of our attention, because from there we can reach a greater understanding of many worldbuilding concepts we’ve encountered in the story thus far. However, all of these definitions of the Urstone work hand-in-hand and do not contradict one another, so they are all helpful to keep in mind going forward.

But what do I mean by “power of the heart?” Well, first let’s harken back to the Aranara quest, Aranyaka, where we learned about the “Sourcesong” and the songs that split off from it through time. By learning all of the songs that represent these branches from the origin, the Aranara get closer to learning the Sourcesong:

Arasudraka: Songs are like rivers. They derive from the same origin, the "Sourcesong." She is the home to all songs and the source of all great rivers. Arasudraka: Then, it changes when it is sung for different memories and different stories, just like how a great river diverges into creeks. Arasudraka: Just like all the creeks eventually flow into the sea, all the songs eventually converge into one, into the Sourcesong. Arasudraka: So Aranara song gatherers have to find all the songs. That way, we can find the Sourcesong.

These songs serve as a metaphor for another theme of Aranyaka, which is the concept of “returning to Sarva,” or returning to Irminsul after death in the form of memories/energy in the Ley Lines. It could also be extended to what we currently understand about the Primordial Sea as the origin of all life, its “source,” and all the lifeforms that arise from it are like the creeks that diverge from the river before they eventually converge back into the sea: 

Paimon: What? You mean you don't believe in the prophecy? Augereau: No, no, I believe in the prophecy, but I also believe in another story. Augereau: The story says that people once lived in the ocean. They were one with the ocean and couldn't live apart from it. Augereau: But as time wore on, people desired to live on land and developed blood vessels, encapsulating the sea within their bodies. Thus could people set foot on land. Augereau: So if you ask me, when the water rises and takes us all, it'll be like we're going home.

The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche was also interested in the idea of things differentiating themselves from a primordial source of sorts, and he uses this language in one of his many attempts to define his most well-known philosophical doctrines, the Will to Power. In Beyond Good and Evil, Nietzsche marks the inner “world of desires and impulses” as the source of emotions (Nietzsche, 35). He likens it to a primitive world where desires exist in a state of unity that then branch off into distinct organic processes. Nietzsche argues that this differentiation arises due to “will,” and that will is the “causality of all things,” and that all will is Will to Power – in other words, the will to dominate and to multiply (Nietzsche 13 & 35). 

“Will” is the force that differentiates the primordial soup of our base desires and impulses into distinct organic processes, and these processes then give rise to distinct life forms that separate themselves from the original state of unity. That is, without “will,” we would all still be floating in the unified state of the primordial soup - will is both the cause, and the reason for individuality: 

Mary-Ann: Water can take any shape, and life can choose what form it must take. This, however, has nothing to do with its essence. That is a different matter.

If you’ve been following the Narzissenkreuz Institute world quest plot, this discussion of “will'' should be ringing some bells. In Khvarena of Good and Evil, we came across Rene’s Investigation Notes in the Girdle of Sands, which talked about the power of Khvarena and a blurred out word (likely “Abyss'' or “Void”) containing a will of their own that can recognize itself, unlike the power of the Elements:

...Though the results are nothing impressive, this is because the object [the Khaenri’ahns] chose was pure elemental force, which lacks any will whatsoever. Like the difference between the Director and a Hydro Slime, perhaps? […] Even though the calculated result is unchanged, but if the refinement method is reflected... If the power of... then maybe we can extract the "will" within. Using this method... resist the impact…

The investigation notes do two things here that we’re interested in: first, they establish the presence of “will” as the distinction between elemental energy, such as that found in Azosite, and the higher powers represented by Khvarena and “Void,” and second, they raise the possibility that “will” is something that can be removed from its vessel, so to speak, or perhaps manipulated. Just keep this in the back of your mind for now, too, we’ll come back to it much later.

If we apply this concept of will back to the Sourcesong story, then it is will that differentiates each song into its own unique form, but each song still contains the essence of the Sourcesong from which it arose. A similar story is told about the five branches of the Raiden Gokaden. In Kazuha’s Story Quest, Amenoma Tougo likens the Raiden Gokaden to schools of thought that originate from a single source, with each branch carrying its own philosophy. Kazuha’s family’s school, the Isshin Art, seeks “complete harmony between blade and mind” during the forging process, because they believed this was the only way for a blade to “capture and convey its maker's thoughts and feelings, and eventually become an extension of its wielder's will.”

This is a very important concept as we move forward. If we think of will as what differentiates each forging art of the Raiden Gokaden from each other and their source, and each branch is considered a unique school of thought and philosophy of blade forging, then thoughts are an essential component of will. If a blade that these philosophies produce is meant to capture the thoughts and feelings of its respective forging branch, such that they are an extension of will, then will can be further defined as the cause and reason that an abstract form (thoughts and feelings) is translated into a physical form (an object, such as a blade). It is both the how and the why.

Put another way, the blade is the bladesmith’s will embodied. It is the bladesmith’s thoughts and feelings, which we have just established are an essential component of will, given a physical form. The thoughts and feelings are will, the object is will, and the “force” that translates the abstract into the physical is will. So basically, it’s all will, but in different forms.

But so what? Well, let’s go back to the amazing feat that Avin accomplished towards the end of the story quest. She asks Yoimiya what she needs, then says she will lend her Urstone to Yoimiya to help her achieve her dreams, and what does she then do? She pulls a viewing lens from her chest, right over her heart. 

That is what the Urstone is. The Urstone is the source of a person’s will, and the Urstone is associated with the power of the heart, which would also make “will” the power of the heart. Will is what underlies the power of creation and imagination, or as Ashikai puts it in her theory of Irminsul’s true purpose, the power by which “thoughts become things.”

The purest ore was needed to craft the observation device, and of course the purest ore would come from the purest will – a child’s will. What’s more, Yoimiya and the Traveler never even mentioned what kind of device they needed to forge with the Urstone. It was Avin’s will to help her friends that materialized their thoughts into an object. The implications of this are fascinating, though this theory isn’t going to go there. Instead, I’d recommend watching Ashikai’s video above if you’re interested in that train of thought.

The Seed of Ideas*

Paimon: The light turned into…a seed?

Having established this connection between thoughts/feelings, the power of the heart, and “will,” let’s see how else we can think about the Urstone. I noticed that “will” turns up in a couple of other recent to semi-recent contexts, and both of them involve the origin of some important trees in the open world.

To start, let’s revisit Ei’s second story quest. As a lightning fast refresher, Ei and the Traveler were investigating Rifthound activity near the roots of the Sacred Sakura tree, which we know protects Inazuma by purifying “filth” from the earth, or rather the memories of people who died on the land. This is meant to mirror Irminsul, since the Ley Lines also contain memories and are Irminsul’s root system. With the Sacred Sakura’s roots damaged, this “filth” leaks out, and the memories within are briefly re-projected onto the land.

As Ei confronts her past through these memories of Inazuma, she vocalizes her change of heart since the Vision Hunt Decree and her newfound will. The Shogun then challenges her to a duel in Raiden Makoto’s realm of consciousness, which Ei preserved before she passed away 500 years ago. When Ei successfully proves the strength of her will to the Shogun, she awakens another fragment of Makoto that she hid inside Musou Isshin. Interestingly, Makoto calls this a fragment of her will. Upon awakening her will, it becomes a seed that Ei plants in the realm of consciousness, which grows the Sacred Sakura tree in the real world. In other words, the Sacred Sakura tree is Makoto’s will given a physical form, another example of someone’s will embodied.

But this is not even the first time that will has been represented to players as a seed. In Dragonspine, the Frostbearing Tree goes through a physical transformation as the Traveler offers it more and more Crimson Agate, which is a crystal tainted with Durin’s abyssal blood. After offering enough Crimson Agate, we get the blueprint for the Frostbearer catalyst, which tells us an interesting story:

A long, long time later, yet still long ago — When the deathmatch between the dragons of darkness and wind was decided at last, When corrosive blood stained the ashen valley red, The tree, at last, remembered that it had not died with that entombed city, And it extended its greedy roots towards the warm ichor that irrigated the land. Because a certain someone poured out a crimson essence upon it, The tree that should have long died remembered its past, And bore a single fruit from the coalescence of all its might…

As creepy as the Frostbearer catalyst lore is, there’s another useful analogy to be made here so that we can better understand Avin and her Urstone. 

Think of Avin as the Frostbearing Tree, a tree that “should have died” but remembered its past upon being offered Durin’s blood. This may seem like a strange comparison at first, but Durin’s blood is conceptually not so different from the memories flowing in the Ley Lines like water, or the filth flowing through the roots of the Sacred Sakura tree, just as Durin’s “heart” is likely a similar anchor for his consciousness as Elynas’s is, just as Makoto’s fragment of her will became the seed or “source” of the Sacred Sakura, or the “Urstone,” we theorize, is the source of an individual’s will. 

Basically, Durin’s blood is a liquid form of his will that can change the “shape'' of the objects it comes into contact with, and upon being exposed to it the Frostbearing Tree remembers what its life was like before the Skyfrost Nail dropped on Sal Vindagnyr. This is very similar to how Avin remembered her happiness before her illness through the magic of the dream space and finding her Urstone. And upon remembering its past, the Frostbearing Tree bears the “fruit” that is the Frostbearer catalyst, the “coalescence of all its might,” but Avin bore the observation lens. Both are products of their source’s will, but have different emotions behind them due to their difference in purity.

But there’s one last thing I want to point out about the Frostbearer catalyst before moving on to the next point. A fruit is like a sugary case for a plant’s seeds, so what might this structure be in the center of the Frostbearer catalyst?

That’s right. A “seed,” which also resembles a gem or a stone. And not too unlike the general shape of the Urstone, I would add.

But you know what else the Frostbearer catalyst and the Urstone really remind me of? The Fire Seed from Nahida’s second story quest. Although the Fire Seed neither becomes a tree nor seems to come from one (though this is also debatable if you consider Rukkhadevata and Nahida to be like…smaller trees, originating from Irminsul), it’s still worth talking about if only for a potential analogy between it and the Urstone.

The Fire Seed has obvious visual similarities with the Frostbearer catalyst, with both “stones” or seeds in the center of them having the same overall shape - the Traveler and Nahida even call the Fire Seed a crystal before they learn what it is from the elemental life form in the Chasm. 

Video still from Star Dragon X

The Urstone also generally looks similar to the Fire Seed in terms of the stone’s shape and the orientation of the casing-like objects around it, but there’s a more compelling analogy to be drawn between their composition. The Fire Seed is described as an extremely high concentration of elemental energy in a very fragile or unstable state, and we know from our understanding of Irminsul that elemental energy is another form that memories can take. While it’s not clear if passing through the Urstone is the same thing as entering the Urstone itself, Avin does access more of her repressed memories of Arashani after doing so, allowing her to “remember,” as Arapurva asked her to. So, both seem to contain memories.

You may also know that the prefix Ur- in Urstone means primordial or original, something from before the present. This leads me to wonder if that light of the universe glowing from within the Urstone is what Roozevelt calls “primal energy.” Hoyoverse does like to worldbuild through analogies and allegories, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the visual similarities between the Fire Seed and Urstone were meant to be a tip for a functional similarity as well.

Finally, there’s the relationship between the Fire Seed and Apep’s Heart of Oasis. The Fire Seed was made by Greater Lord Rukkhadevata with the help of Apep’s “children,” the elemental beings that split off from that “source.” It is meant to mimic the Heart of Oasis and the way that it functions, which tells me that all of this will/”heart”/source as a seed imagery is being repeated for a reason, because it’s meant to teach us more about how “will” works.

Remember how the Aranara believe they can find the Sourcesong by learning every song, and how this points to the idea that the essence of the source is retained in each of its “children,” despite the unique form that each song takes? Well, let’s think about that for a second. For example, think about how light shining through a prism will split off into unique colors - each color is distinct from the other, with a unique character and “form,” so to speak, but each color still originates from light. Red, green, and blue may all look different from each other, but each tells you about a characteristic of this thing called light.

I think the same is true about these “seeds.” These fragments of an original consciousness can take the form of seeds because that is one facet of the essence of the source. That’s why an Urstone can be so many things at once: a “heart” (though not corporeal), an “ore,” a source, a will, and a seed. That is because each fragment of the source’s will conveys a small “idea” taken from the original consciousness, and these ideas are like fruits born from a tree. If you were to “plant” these seeds in the ground, the ideas would spread across the land, thereby allowing one’s will not just to dominate, but also to multiply.

*The “Seed of Ideas” heading title is taken from an enemy in Honkai Impact 3rd introduced in Chapter 33. Lore-wise, they’re actually not a great example of the idea I’m trying to illustrate here lol. So don’t think too hard about the heading if you’re a Honkai 3rd player – I just thought it sounded cool. >_>

Wherefore Did the Spirit Tree Grow?

“But the reason it is effective is due to the nature of the origin, the primordial... based on the records, the constituent elements should be a "Circle of Four Orthants" and a "Tree of Emanation"... flows from the roots toward the center of the circle, and the circle encircles the abstract of... It's akin to pie crust and the filling of the pie, a metaphor sure to excite Jakob.” -Book of Revealing, Enigmatic Page VIII

And plant them we shall! That is just what Greater Lord Rukkhadevata and Raiden Ei did with Egeria and Raiden Makoto’s consciousness. Egeria’s consciousness sleeping in the Gaokerena has always reminded me of Avin’s Urstone, long before having the language of “will” to talk about it, but I could never quite explain why. I think the answer is a little more clear to me now, though there’s no concrete way to prove this theory at the moment. The Harvisptokhm, the Sacred Sakura, and I would also venture to guess the tree at Windrise are the result of planting either the source of consciousness or a fragment of consciousness, which anchors the consciousness to the mortal realm and allows it to exert its will on the land by purifying and containing its “filth.” 

These trees all belong to the consciousness of gods and ascended allogenes, but Avin is as ordinary as they come, so how is it possible to suggest that her Urstone is anything like the Gaokerena or Makoto’s will? Maybe all that’s missing is “time”?

So…what is "it"?

“An external form is but a gift of time. Through ‘growth’ comes change, and even abandonment of previous forms. However, our true nature is not so easily affected.” –”Where Lies the Path Home,” Sapientia Oromasdis: Act II

Now with all of that set-up out of the way, let’s get to the heart of the matter here…ignore the pun.

The Archon Quest establishes early on that Childe’s Vision’s malfunctioning and his bad mood are connected to one another, and with Act III and IV we see that Childe is literally being summoned by the whale – it is calling out to him, drawing him into a rift where it swims in the Primordial Sea. His Vision’s malfunctioning is what I want to zero in on first to begin to answer the larger question of what the whale is and explain Childe’s movements so far.

Once again, Aranyaka becomes very relevant here. When the Traveler saves Rana at the end of the quest after resealing Marana’s Avatar, Rana resolves to go out on an adventure and receives a Vision of her own. Though we are not shown a visual of this, it is described on a black screen of white text:

Rana pulling the Vision from “a light with the warmth of a heartbeat” from her chest is imagery we’ve already seen before, when Avin pulled the lens from her chest in the collective dream. I mean, isn’t the parallel a little too on the nose here? Avin created a lens, something you use to see and perceive, and Rana was granted her…Vision? …Why are you booing? 

Although Rana’s is the only Vision story so far that fits this imagery like a glove, I think Act III and Act IV offer some more support for where I’m going with this. Despite having Childe’s Vision in their possession since Act I, the Vision is shown twirling at the beginning of every dream sequence the Traveler experiences in the Fortress of Meropide, sequences that seem to be copies of Childe’s memories while he was a prisoner. The fact that the Vision doesn’t need to be on the physical person of its wielder in order to transmit these memories could be an indication of a deeper connection between the Vision and the wielder – that is, the Vision is similarly a physical extension of its wielder’s “Will,” created by their Urstone or “Heart,” and therefore is a part of them, like the fruit of a tree. And if that’s true, then Venti wasn’t kidding when he compared Visions to organs.

This also puts the Vision’s malfunctioning into a different perspective. To go back to Nietzsche’s statement about Will to Power, will can only operate on will, and will is the causality of all things – through this lens, it may be correct to say that the traces of “it” that Skirk could sense on Childe are traces of the Abyssal whale’s will, and that its will is interfering with Childe’s own will at this fateful moment. 

If we buy the idea that will is at least part of what can change your fate, and that Childe has traces of the whale’s will left on him, then the secret of why “it” has reappeared now may have been foreshadowed by what Nahida said in Yoimiya’s second story quest: that “meteor showers'' appear as a result of many intricate fates interfering with one another. 

Specifically, it’s an allegory for Childe and the whale. The dream Childe had when he fell into the Abyss and the meteor shower are analogous, to be sure, but let’s not forget about our good friend Mr. Freud here either, who’s analysis shows us that dreams are suppressed wishes translated into images. From that perspective, it would also be correct to say that the meteor shower is analogous to a wish. That is, Childe’s fate and the whale’s fate are interfering with one another because of their encounter in the Abyss when he was a young teenager, and perhaps the Abyss appeared that day because Childe’s fate and the whale’s fate were interfering with each other then too - and that this was Childe’s wish all along:

“Pursued by bears and wolf packs, he lost his footing and fell into a bottomless crack in the earth's surface. There, he witnessed the endless possibilities of another ancient world. There, he would meet a mysterious swordswoman... Or perhaps one should say that this dark realm had sensed the burning ambition in this boy's heart.” –Tartaglia, Character Story 4

As for the larger question of what the whale is, it’s likely not very different from Visions, or the blades of the Raiden Gokaden, or Avin and the lens. It is an extension of the Abyss’s will that branched off from its source a long time ago, a primordial being much lower on the Abyssal phylogenetic tree than the more humanoid Abyss Heralds or mages. That’s as far as I feel comfortable speculating about its origins for now, but I hope we get some clarity on its age and “distance” from its source very soon. Speaking of which…we haven’t talked about Caribert yet, have we?

There’s something eerily similar about the way that Avin described her world as a “tiny space” before changing her fate when we consider the additional context of Caribert. When he regained consciousness, he said it felt like he had just woken up from a “long dream,” and that in his dream he was hiding in a “little room,” and that he had no desire to leave it. I think this language is similar on purpose, and it tells us some more crucial information about Urstones, will, and their relationship to these curses placed on the Khaenri’ahns.

The “little room” and the “tiny space” are metaphors for a person’s perspective, which has been repeated over and over again in nearly every Fontaine world quest thus far to further our understanding of aesthetics. It’s clear from those quests that an individual’s perspective is limited, but it can be broadened by interacting with others + the passage of time, and that over long periods of time these perspectives allow for aesthetic values to change. Thus, the world is also changed. But the opposite of change is stagnation, and stagnation is precisely the result of losing the ability to connect with others - indeed, the will to leave the tiny room.

We’ve already established that when “will” exerts its influence on another will, it can change the “shape” of the will it is dominating - the Frostbearing Tree is a great example of this. The Hilichurls have also had their external forms altered, and they erode away until eventually dissolving into the mud in the Chasm. So maybe, just maybe, the “curse of the wilderness” is a result of their will being tampered with by the same “thing,” such that their inner world becomes so small that they cannot find their will anymore, and therefore they cannot change their fate.

Childe is briefly seen fighting the whale in his Foul Legacy form in the version 4.2 trailer

Now, I’m not suggesting that the traces of the whale’s will would ever result in Childe becoming a Hilichurl, or that the whale is responsible for the curse of the wilderness at all. What I am wondering is if this is why Skirk took Childe up as her disciple – to teach him a “form” of combat that would maintain his grip on his will, on some kind of “belief,” not allowing it to be dominated by the whale’s will, so that there is yet hope that Childe can change his fate.

And if that is true, then here is my last theory before I disappear: Yoimiya’s belief that a child’s wish is precious and worth protecting is likely an allegory for Skirk’s motivation to train Ajax, and the relationship between Yoimiya and Avin is also meant to foreshadow them – a master and her disciple, a traveler from afar and a child of this world, a child-at-heart and a child who is lost. This core belief is what makes Yoimiya’s heart pure, and by passing that belief on to Avin, she plants the seeds of new hope for her to defy fate, and one day she may do the same for someone else. This, in essence, is the meaning of will, and that is what I believe Skirk’s lessons were meant to teach Ajax. And that is a twist that I truly never saw coming.

TL;DR: The Urstone is the source of will that exists in each person, will is what translates thoughts into images and objects, smaller "wills" or "ideas" split off from the Urstone/heart/source/consciousness and allow for will to spread and exert its influence on other wills, and Skirk may have more in common with Yoimiya than you thought.

Thank you so much for reading, I really hope it made some sense. I would love to hear what you think of all the lore up to this point and what you make of it! :) 

Sources

Yoimiya Story Quest Act 2 (Full Quest) Carassius Auratus Chpater: Act II | Genshin Impact - YouTube- grabbed the “is this…the power of my heart?” screenshot from here because I forgot to take it in my alt’s playthrough.

Nahida Story Quest 2 - Using the fire seed to save Grounded Geoshroom | Genshin Impact 3.6 - YouTube - Video still of Lumine holding the fire seed from this video.

Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche, which you can read for free here. Page numbers are given from my hard copy.

A General Introduction to Psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud, also can be read for free here.

For more analysis of the Will to Power doctrine, check out Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

[kingspacebar]

Is there any particular artist, show, game, or movie that inspired ur art style? It’s so pretty ^^

I have so many!!! I definitely can't name every single one but heres a few that have been extremely influential to me!! This took me 2 hours to write i am SO sorry lmao

Puyo Puyo (Specifially Fever, Quest, and Tetris)

CUTESY BRIGHT BRIGHT COLORS!!!!!! Thats everything I love!!!!!! I'm pretty sure I talked about this when I first got into puyo puyo but I for SURE instantly decided that yep Im steering my style in this direction sorryyyyyy!!! I just think its so fun and silly and cute and rahhh it makes me so happy.

Especially for the work I do most often, which is character portraits without backgrounds, I will often look at puyo puyo posing just to get ideas!! (I've drawn Arle's dumbfounded pose 100000000 times becus I love it so much). The puyo puyo anatomy has very noodly arms and legs but with big ass shoes and accessories which is probably my favorite design thing in the world....

I seriously recommend just looking through the Puyo Puyo Nexus wiki for pose ideas (if you want something cute/silly of course) because every single one is just perfect. I am trying to get out of some dumb art habits of my own right now, but hopefully in the future you'll be able to see more goofy poses with sillier effects :3

Muse Dash Again I want you to look at the COLORS. Its so bright and this time you can really tell where I took my shading style from. I dont want my shadows to be dark I want them to be PINK or PURPLE. thank you. For my own art, I really try to make it so the darkest "black" is actually a deep purple or blue, and as I keep making art that dark color keeps getting just a bit lighter haha...

This is also the reason I color my lineart the way I do. I just really want to add as many colors as possible into the image. And if the image looks a bit more pink after that then thats just an extra perk!!

I also need to bring up the animation because they're just so bouncy and alive!!! This is like an instant stunlock for me, I have to look at them, theyre so BOUNCYYY!!!!!! I don't do much animation but every other week I get the sudden urge to try tweening again just to eventually get to the point I can make something similar to these for my own ocs lol

Great Pretender This show has some of the most gorgeous art ive ever seen. All the backgrounds are so bright and colorful. I dont usually draw art with backgrounds anymore sadly, but when I used to I really tried to study these for them. And I hope in the future I can make more art and show how far I've come.

Though I;ve changed to a more chibi style in recent times (thanks puyo puyo), this was still one of the first times I had ever watched a show and said "Oh my god I love this artstyle I need to get better at art" and Its always in my mind for that reason.

Ive definitely stolen lots of elements from the style. Though they've gotten more subtle over the years. I dont really know how to describe it any further but I hope you understand what I mean by looking at these screenshots,,,

[r-0-x-4-s]

so... i watched tottmnt and i didn't love it

also why isnt this show being hated on whaaaat, every tmnt show has to go through the initial hate, thats like the law /hj

tw opinions under the cut

it just felt so... empty?? i dont really know how to explain it but, the lack of brothers interacting and anything ninja related, kinda made me frown

why did it feel nothing like a tmnt show??? my brother said "it looks like it took some ideas from rottmnt and just... made it worse", and in a way i agree? its like, in a way, this show wants to please everyone but doesn't have the balls to go full original and new like rise did...

i was very optimistic about it before its release, the turtles in high-school is something i dreamed of when i was a child! AND THE SHOW JUST BLUE BALLED ME??? I GET JUST SOME MENTION ABT WHAT THEY ARE DOING IN SCHOOL BUT ITS NEVER SHOWN AND THAT MAKES ME GRRRR

IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY FFS, doing something none of the show before had ever done but nooooo u get two mini arcs

and lets talk about these arcs:

bishop arc: i really liked the general plot of this one ok, but since the first ep i could see one of the main problems with tottmnt, EACH EP IS ABT A SINGLE TURTLE retelling their version of what happened in the same moment, that could be cool, BUT THAT MEANS THE BROTHERS INTERACT WITH EACHOTHER IN ONLY 2 EPISODES CIRCA

AND I HATE IT SM!

also why does everyone kinda have the same personality (by this i mean cus they react basically the same in every situation, apart if there's a computer/something technological, then donnie would use it/the other 3 would say something abt like "donnie could use it")

and they are so chill abt their problems (leo's self worth issues, raph's anger issues) ? like everything is so lighthearted and they already know how to deal and therapy talk??

i wonder how they will get to grow as characters cus as of now, they are already way more mature than any other tmnt version???

goldfin arc:... so???? IM TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING POSITIVE TO SAY ABT IT REAL HARD, maybe it will come to me later so lets start with things i despise abt the show!

uno: I HATE THAT THEY PAIRED EACH OTHER WITH A "COUSIN", I WANT MY TURTLES INTERACTING WITH EO

deux: i hate that they have "cousins" 😭 why is every character related to them (tbf this was already from the movie so u can just ignore it) it makes the world sm smaller and takes out so many known villains... also i hate scum sm, also shes the turtles' cousin too so her relationship with splinter is kinda even weirder

(tbf it could be that i hate the cousins thing after i came back from my vacation surronded by my huge family, AND HAVING TO SPEND SO MANY DAYS WITH MY SO FUCKING MANY COUSINS)

три: the way that the stories are told, apart that it makes it look like nothing is canon? ive seen many fans confused about it, but i think that both stories actually happened. the only reason i dont like it is cus... it clashes with the choice of having a single turtle each ep so hard

like whats the point of starting the arc with a turtle narrating, but the next ep it will be focused on someone else?? and then ending it with the first one closing it like as if he had been the one talking all the time

quatro: uhhh by this time i found things i like so i want to talk about them too, but! i feel like this arc is so much worse than the bishop one and horrible for a closure.

the enemies are uhhhhh something, the stakes are lower than my will to live and we get poop jokes too <3

cinco: WHY DOES THE INTRO NOT HAVE LYRICS, EVERY TMNT INTRO IS A BANGER, THATS THE RULE!! U CANT BREAK IT OMG

six: WHERE IS MONDO GECKO, THE ONLY COUSIN I LIKED AND WANTED TO SEE MORE OF

sept: this leo isnt leoing and april's personality just being "girl with the phone and recording"

восемь: DONNIE AND MIKEY ALWAYS REFERENCING TO RANDOM AMERICAN PEOPLE OR OTHER POP CULTURE THINGS, I UNDERSTOOD 6% OF THEIR JOKES

by the second arc my brother started loudly sighing and glare at me every time donnie/mikey would make a "joke" we wouldn't understand, i started beating him to feel something

NOW THE STUFF I LIKED ABOUT THE SHOW

one: THE ANIMATION IS GREAT! im not the biggest fan of the artstyle but thats my personal bias, i like it being 2d! (i still like rise's animation and fluidity more, but THAT studio is impossible to beat, im still destroyed they dropped lmk <\3)

due: i liked the detective that hated birds, he brought a chaotic energy no one has in this show

três: THERE WASNT ANY APRILN4RDO THANK FUCKING GOD (i wrote this but then my brother made me notice the murales and now idk if i should take this out or myself)

четыре: i love hun and him being an animal activist is the cutest

and thats it ig?

tldr: i think its a mid series, it does nothing remarkably bad but it doesnt do anything remarkably good.

i finished and it left me nothing (it left me longing for more of rise actually)

though, its early to say it cus we have just 12 episodes! ofc i hope it will get better!!

(ALSO BEFORE SOMEONE SAYS ANYTHING ABT TARGET AUDIENCE, I WASNT EVEN IN THE RISE ONE AND I ENJOYED IT JUST FINE

also WHAT CHILD WOULD WATCH THIS OVER SOMETHING HYPERACTIVE AS RISE??? OR EDGY AS 2012/2003??? OR FUNKY AS 1987???)

also im autistic abt tmnt but in particular abt leonardo, i dont like this leo = my enjoyment of the show is very low

so until they get leo's character right, i will have spite in me

[crestoflames]

What do you think of MC x Wayne? The devs' most favorable pairing above all the characters, in spite of Stella being the #1 popular Li. Isn't he supposed to be our otp for the main player? I know that you don't seem very fond of Wayne lately because of how he feels and treats your main Li, especially how he is going to feel about that character's unfortunate outcome in one of the bad endings involving a character's death? Also, who will you romance if you are not together with Reese? Oscar or Stella, perhaps?

gotta be honest, this feels like bait.

first off - i’m so confused by a lot of this. i don’t think the devs ever said mc x wayne was their favorite pairing, or that it was supposed to be an otp for the player character??? the way the game works is that there is no “otp” for the player character - you can choose to romance whoever you want, or no one at all; it’s all dependent on your individual playthrough.

second - i don’t really think ive said that the reason i dislike wayne is because of how he treats reese. i mean, that definitely doesn’t help, but my main beef with him is how he treats the MC. he acts like you’re an idiot who can’t make decisions for yourself (but only if you make decisions he doesn’t agree with - very controlling) and denies the MC autonomy by refusing to listen when they tell him to stop doing things, like following them around or threatening to hurt their friends (which, in the case of reese, he actually goes through with). he’s also just an asshole, and i don’t enjoy the way he talks about a lot of people and creatures.

in general, his behavior and personality remind me of creepy asshole guys i’ve had to deal with in my past, and it kind of baffles me when people try and paint him as a good guy. he’s not meant to be a good guy. i think a lot of people know that and that’s why they’re drawn to him (and i get it bc i have plenty of villains i love lol), but I’ve seen just as many people who act like it would be crazy to want to get away from Wayne and the best course of action is to let him have full control and “protect” you all the time. like, if you want that for your playthrough, that’s great, go for it. but i take umbrage with the idea that it’s an objective reality that everyone needs to accept.

now, all this is to say that i do think he’s a well written character. i like him as an antagonist and i think the devs did a great job of creating him in a way that elicits real fear. love him as a character, but despise him when i’m actually experiencing the game as MC, and when people act like I’m committing a crime by disliking him and i need to change my opinion. everyone seems to get it when you say you hate sybil, but if you say you don’t like wayne, people act like you’ve confessed to murder.

moving away from that rant, this message is just baffling in general lmao. quickly addressing most everything else - i’m fine with the concept of mc x wayne, everyone can ship what they want, it’s just not for me, and i dont want to be told that it is the “canon route/best route” and everyone should love it and choose it or whatever. ive never really talked about stella so idk where you got that i would want to romance her??? she’s one of the characters im just not attracted to bc she’s not my type. i will always choose reese in every playthrough bc i feel like im abandoning or betraying him if I don’t, but if I couldn’t choose him, I would choose oscar, followed by kaneeka.

i’m hoping this is enough to end any more questions from you, because if you come back with more bait/troll type messages, I’ll probably just block.

[burnyouwithacigarettelighter]

Omg I’m so happy you replied!! I definitely have more questions.

1. What Cillian character do you like writing about the most and why?

2. What story from your master list are you most proud of?

3. Do you personally have any fic recommendations/ must reads? Other sites included.

4. What gets you inspired to write? Following that question have you ever abandoned a fic?

5. What do you think made you a better writer? If you have any doubts about your work, how do you get past it enough to continue?

6. Is there a Cillian character that you just don’t like, or aren’t interested in watching/ writing about? (Sorry if that’s a loaded question)

omg thank u so much for this!!! i srsly love interacting w u guys, tysm for the thought provoking questions😄🙌

i think i like writing most about robert fischer:) ik it probably doesnt translate considering ive written most for jonathan crane but robert fischer is just such a little sweetheart to me,,, and can go both ways in being a sassy dom douchebag or being a sobbing daddy issues sub darling LOLLL i just think he has a lot of duality to delve into and develop (which ive definitely not done so far☠️) and it helps that his characterization in inception was also very surface level— i have a lot of wiggle room y’know??

i think im most proud of “dine & dash” which im aware probably no-one has read, but getting chris o’doyle’s sassy little dialogue down was like taming a wild beast,,, otherwise, considering my more well-known work, i rly liked writing “honey, i’m home”. i go crazy for the unhinged readers (if u couldnt alrdy tell lmaooo) and seeing jackson get messed with like that was a real treat.

i seriously just recommend anything by @mypoisonedvine,,, they’re literally genius & are the reason i started writing for cillian:)!! other mentions include kitten fics by @pictureinme and, a personal fave, @floralcyanidee’s jackson rippner mile-high club fic!!! these writers are all incredibly talented and im just blown away at their work every single time🫶

my thirst is such a big motivator for writing LMAO😭i wrote “guinea pig” ‘cus i wanted to absolute wreckkk jonathan crane and have him be a sub, and i got a 6.8k words long fic out of said thirst! music & book quotes motivate me a lot too— i spend sm time digging thru my pinterest for a good quote for the beginning of my fic its actually insane☠️and yes,,, im ashamed to say ive abandoned fics numerous times,,, but thats because they were series’, not oneshots. i get bored of series’ pretty quickly, ‘cause i feel kind of trapped by the initial dynamic or mood set in the first chapter. with oneshots, its like writing one long chapter of this trope and this kink or whatever and then its done, and i dont have to exhaust myself going back to tropes or kinks or storylines ive already done.

i think reading made me a better writer. expanding my vocabulary through the words of others was a biggie; seeing something be described in a certain way in someones story had me thinking of out-of-the-box ways to describe another thing (that doesn’t make much sense but lets pretend it does😭). i have many, many doubts about my work, like constantly, but i usually just suck it up. i sound like an attention whore but seeing the reposts & comments & tags on my other work reminds me people like what i’ve written before and certain people will enjoy what ive written now, so i should just finish my work for them. i also take like 100 years rereading my stuff until i think its good enough lmao,,,

ive kinda watched his whole roster of films (atleast ones i could actually find on the internet and not gone missing as a lost piece of media lmao) and i could probably write for any cillian character given i had a good idea and proper motivation. writing for certain characters is definitely harder for me to do though, so its likely i wont write for them/will take a long time to do so. an example is lenny miller— anna was such an insufferable movie to me, and lenny’s screentime wasn’t long at all, atleast not long enough for me to properly grasp his character. he just felt like a horny hardass fbi goof the whole time i could not take his 5’7 ass seriously😭cillian is smexy as hell in anna tho, so we’ll see😈another would probably be robert capa from sunshine,,, hes beautiful and deliciously musty in that but the whole spaceship setting kinda freaks me out (considering i know 0 zilch nada about space, spaceships, or anything of the sort, so it’d definitely be inaccurate). an au with him id definitely do, though! (with that hair of his my mind is already forming a 90s band au, guitarist!capa x singer!reader story…)

again thank u so much for these questions!! i feel like i rarely get to chat to u guys so this was well appreciated😄🫶thank you so much for reading, for sending these questions in, and for being an overall sweetheart, anon!

[silurisanguine]

15 lines of Dialogue game

As ive been away for the weekend, not sure if anyone tagged me with this but saw it open tag so here we go. Tagging @vorchagirl @despicablediet and anyone who'd like to do it! 15 Lines of Dialogue Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well! Since i've written the most with Seren Jones, I shall pick her for this!

1 -"Maybe I am, but there isn’t anything left in this universe worth staying for. Whatever is in the next universe has to be better than this one Barrett, it has to. I can't bare to stay here any more, not without him, not when I could have done it so differently."

2 - "Cora… she was there, saw her dad die…She hated me, blamed me for not saving him. After the funeral, Lillian took her and that was the last I ever saw that wonderful twelve year old. I realised then I had no reason to stay in my universe as everything i loved had been taken from me. I hoped maybe another would give me a second chance. To fix things..to try again…

…That’s why I do this.”

3 - "I came here the first time with no preconception of what I’d find. I was in awe at the location, just as you are now. But what I learned here has guided my hand in relation to how I see the Artifacts, how I see Unity and the Starborn. Anyone who wants to complete the Artifact collection, needs to know the full story for themselves.”

4- "Now you see how dangerous this place is, and this is just the start. The Starborn Guardians here have lost all empathy, all compassion, their humanity in pursuit of their cause. They have nothing left in their existence except to stop anyone else reaching the Temple. …I sometimes wonder what is the point of their existence before I wipe them out of it for good.”

5 -”You washed them clean. I can say one good thing about Lillian in that she gave you the chance to do that. You’re not the same man, Sam.”

6 -”They makes me smile every time I come back here. But I’m not entirely alone, the fish there get a view unlike any other.” She pointed to the couple of little fish swimming in their tanks, sitting right at the edge of the massive view screen. “If you don’t mind taking care of them for me, they’ve been a good little crew, never complained once.”

7 - "I've never met you before. Until today I'd never met a single pirate here." That was the truth, if a little stretched Seren thought.

8 -"All this, this universe is a nightmare. I've been to so many variations and… You… everyone here is so different, so wrong. It’s like Unity decided to show me the worst outcome possible just to make me appreciate who I’d - what I’d lost.”

9 -"Neat trick, have to remember that next time I'm in a hell-hole universe."

10 -"Sorry, Sam, just picturing you over Vlad’s head brought on images of you in ballet tights and…yeah, sorry, I have too much imagination.”

11 - "Yes, justice, Delgado. See that’s behind most things I do now. In this case justice for those your fucking coloured coded Spacers have harmed- have murdered. It’s interesting really how far I got here without anyone realising who I really am... I wondered why no one noticed the SIN of my ship. Even Jess surprisingly. It was a gamble using it of course…But no one ever clocked that I was flying the Razorleaf."

12- “Until I knew for sure you felt the same way I did, I wasn’t sure how to really act around you. But now I know, expect more of this, Sam Coe.”

13 - “You know I would! I mean she called me darlin, you know that makes me melt.”

14 - "…He always said he was bad with words, yet he could say things that were like love poetry to me, that would dazzle me. He was so open with his feelings when he trusted you. Funny, absurd sometimes and he cared deeply and loved passionately. He was an amazing father and I-"

15 - "I've no idea. Being Starborn didn't exactly come with a manual."

[theroadtosomewhere]

Writer Interview Game!

Tagged by @azapofinspiration yippeeeeeeee

When did you start writing?

Mmmmm.... first story I wrote properly was in 2014, little primary school lad who got marked well on a story in class and it ended up on a lil notice board which little me was like oH. It was a 10 year old's excuse for a horror story but it does make me laugh to think that I went from that to wattpad within months, back when it wasnt behind a paywall. My first original was on wattpad in maybe 2016 and after that I was really into LoZ and BBC Sherlock so there was some fanfics there. My longest (unfinished) original story was built off a plot that I created for a LoZ fanfic and I was still very active in writing it up until three years ago, so there was a solid 6-7 years spent with that lol.

End of 2022 I started reading abt skk on ao3 without ever having watched the show (shoutout athena and moxie p sure i read some of yours first lmfao every skker ever) and started writing my first few skk fics without ever having watched the show OR read the manga. Before that though the thing that got me onto writing for/on ao3 was Narumitsu!!! my babes one day i will finish that first fic (blackmadhi yesssssssss if you wanna see my cringe from pre bsd thats it lol).

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

god..... too many..... its been a long time since ive sat down to read properly, and even during school i would not have considered myself a book nerd by any means (mostly because i was juggling time between school and extra-curriculars.)

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

When I was in highschool, my writing style (based on the original mentioned above) was compared to Marcus Zusac before I'd even read a book of his. That was pretty nice. Same with Neil Gaiman but that is too high praise for me to accept considering i now write either about gay lawyers or gay mafioso x ex-mafioso soooooooooooo. not sure any of that would come through in my writing these days.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Literally write wherever I can. In my room, at my desk, on the bus or train, during breaks at work and in class at uni (responsible i know). Wind, rain or shine, if i have an idea (or not even) i'll jot down an idea or vaguely edit something. The process is process-ing!!!!

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Hehehehehehehe......maladaptive daydreaming..........

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I LOVE THIS OKAY. SO. typical projection stuff incoming. I feel like most if not everyone has a highschool horror story and up until like a year or so ago i was like!!! it wasnt that bad!!!! (it was, emotionally at least). The aforementioned original story and its characters changed a LOT overtime lol. when I hit my last year of highschool, i'd had some time away from writing and when i read over it, it was crazy to see not only what my mental state had been through my writing, but to see my own coping mechanisms written between the lines before i even knew what they were/that i did them! Won't go into too much detail about that but I did experience dissociation and anxiety etc which I only began to address in my last year of school, so going back and reading it with a clearer head was like wow okay. that was real!

That being said! Hurt/comfort my beloved. The unloved being loved. Second chances. Do with that what you will.

What is your reason for writing?

Initially i started writing for fun, but during highschool as things got a little worse, i fell into the characters i created and i can look back now fondly and think...thank you. i still dont know if i want to touch the story because its one of the last things i have left from a time past that may not have been positive, but the experience of writing and developing the characters alongside myself back then is just sighs :') sometimes i miss that girl.

First for enjoyment, second as a way of staying sane, and now i'd say its a mixture of both. My writing is my love letter to whatever I'm writing about. I do love sharing too. Right audience and all that :)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told that I can write particular characters' inner voices quite well, which is always a compliment :')

I think my own strength as a writer is also the weakness, which is to say that a project is never finished. Even when there's something out there and up on the interwebs for people to see, there's a good chance that if you check back months later, something has been edited or changed. I do have issues with perfectionism at times, but weirdly enough its not a negative thing when i apply it to my writing. I enjoy the process of seeing the stories i write change.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Good most days. I experiment quite a bit with ideas and writing styles/formatting so I will leave it at that lol.

Tagging @calmlb and @samtheboyfailure if y'all want :)

[moongurl95]

Writer Interview Game

Thank you for the tag @theladyofshalott1989! 💕 Yours was such an interesting read (can agree with your only child syndrome - im one as well ✌️) and it's something to think about since it's my first time receiving a tag game this long 😅

When did you start writing?

I remember making a lil homemade "Book of Jokes" (simply made out of elementary paper and just binding them with glue), my mom still has it somewhere she said she keeps as a memento.

But ive found i had a way to express myself in essay writing and with the other blogs i had before (blogspot days), before i really practiced creative writing back in 2019 by joining some writing groups online. They gave prompts and we spin a short story for it, which i greatly enjoyed doing. Joined Nanorimo in 2020 and even self published a couple of ebooks from that (not really confident to market it tho...)

But Fanfiction writing? ive honestly joined many a fandom but only Hogwarts Legacy was the one who called out to me to write something about my MC!

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I curiously read smut cuz for the life of me i cannot write a sexy, intimate scene in detail - my brain just blanks when i want to write it, so always back to the drawing writing board for me 🫣

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

No one in particular really, tho i transitioned from reading the kids' books (Magic Treehouse, Geronimo Stilton and Bailey School Kids) to straight up P.C. Cast and her Goddess Summoning series. The only good 'ol YAs that touched my soul were Maggie Stiefvater's Shiver Trilogy, Emma Raveling's Ondine Quartet, Courtney Alameda's Shutter, Jess Rothenberg's The Catastrophic History of You and Me, and last but not the least (which also shaped my love for morally grey characters, Julian goddammit i cried teenage tears for him 😢) L.J. Smith's The Forbidden Game and these are most of the writers i remember growing up reading (i never even read the HP books... whoops!)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

i don't really have a fixed one, i used to go to those co-working spaces when i started with fanfiction writing but i can type out a quick short story in notepad on any pc as long as the mood strikes. i've also adapted to typing on my cp too (OneDrive is my friend in syncing it on both my mobile and laptop) 😁

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Peace and quiet. i usually have the best ideas late into the night when everyone is asleep, and im up like a gremlin, awake and typing away on my pc (those subliminal writer sounds work on me too) and there comes a time that i just need to write the words out when they've been brewing in my head for a fortnight too long...

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

3 love interests and the 1 mc who does not have the leisure for romance (i did it once, i unwittingly just realized im doing it now with my fanfic... oh well.)

What is your reason for writing?

Granted i haven't written any original works since starting my fanfiction (all my brain juice goes into that WIP, i guess), it does give me a sense of purpose and a nice lil side hobby project i still quite enjoy coming back to every now and then ✍️🤓

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

i don't get alot so i love all of them! The ones that comment on how sweet the interactions were between the characters keeps me motivated tho, it's challenging enough for me to be naturally affectionate irl so i really think my dialogue over before capturing it in words.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i guess just somehow who'll not leave them hanging on an unfinished work 😅 at this point in time i still love adding chapters to it, but it does take time for me (between working and adjusting in a new country). i greatly thank them for their patience and support of my work! 💌

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Slow-burns. 'Cuz maybe it takes me awhile to really understand a certain level of affection that's why im more interested in seeing how it develops. Also i do get comments on how i really visually describe a scene real well, so i hope that's true and im not really dragging it out? 🤔

How do you feel about your own writing?

i personally feel like i lack a back and forth dialogue in how i write, as i tend to be introspective, though overall i love the art of writing itself! There are days i read a random work of mine just to get motivated, read the comments on that and get encouraged more. 🥰

Hope these lovelies dont mind me tagging them 💌 @glutengoblin @animasola86 @evaslytherpuff @little-emerald-snake

[stargazer-liz]

Serendipity (Poe Dameron x Original Female Character) Chapter IV: A Reminder of the Past

Masterlist

The planet D'Qar, Outer Rim, 34 ABY

"You're alive. I can't believe it, you're alive."

Yeah, she was. Obviously. Why wouldn't she be?

"Finn buddy, I think you need to sit down. Did you hit your head or something?" Poe pointed to an empty seat at their table, feeling genuine concern for his friend. The pilot had no idea what was going on but neither did Finn, he thought. At least that's what it looked like. 

That seemed to shake him out of his shock and the former stormtrooper hurried towards them, not caring about his abandoned tray. Once he had sat down, the cafeteria went back to minding their own business, sensing that this was personal. 

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Sora asked, not meaning to sound rude. Pure confusion was all she felt as she tried to remember where she had seen him before. Despite her efforts, nothing came to mind.

Finn looked her up and down, searching for something only he knew. As if sensing it made her uncomfortable, he cleared his throat and locked eyes with her. There was a warmth in his brown eyes she had never seen before and she briefly wondered how this person could have ever been a stormtrooper to begin with. "I'm sorry," he quickly said. "You probably won't remember me. You know, with the white helmet and armor."

"You have to be a bit more specific. I've seen many stormtroopers in my life." 

"Right, of course." Clearing his throat once again, he leaned forwards, lowering his voice. "It's just that the last time I saw you, I used every last bacta patch we had on you. Still, I had no idea whether it was going to be enough. You were basically dead already."

Suddenly, something clicked in her head. The pieces fit together perfectly. Her mouth fell open slightly and she blinked at Finn, taking time to process this revelation. "It was you. You saved me. But...how?"

None of her friends dared to speak. They were all much too engrossed in the conversation between the smuggler and the newest member of the Resistance. "It wasn't easy. Had to hide you with our cargo to get you onto the ship. I knew the escape pods were the only place no one would bother checking, so I healed you there as best as I could. When we were over Jakku, I tricked the systems, so that your escape pod could leave undetected," Finn explained, sparing Poe a quick glance. The pilot had been listening intently, gazing at him with a proud smile. "I wasn't sure you had made it safely. Not until now."

Sora didn't know how to answer. She was rendered speechless. The smuggler knew she had to thank him but couldn't find the right words. 

It was Revan's turn to speak. He crossed his arms over his chest, eyeing Finn with an unknown emotion. "So you were there. On Atrisia. Why did you choose to go back for her?"

"I suppose the same reason why you deserted. Because I was sick of the blood on my hands."

Revan nodded, easily believing the answer. "You did the right thing."

Poe smacked Finn's shoulder, grinning widely. "Completing my mission and saving Sora's life? You're awesome, buddy."

Finn appreciated the compliment, albeit a bit unsurely. Sora could see that he wasn't convinced. The way he was bouncing his knee and his fingers fumbled with his jacket told her that he didn't feel comfortable at all. Like he was only waiting for an opportunity to jump to his feet and sprint out of here. 

Clearly, something was bothering him.

"Thank you Finn. Without you I wouldn't be here. I won't forget that." And she meant it. She would forever be in his debt. 

The group was interrupted by See-Threepio. The golden protocol droid came rushing straight for their table, a great urgency in his every step. "Master Dameron, Team Phoenix and Master Finn, the General wishes to see you immediately. You will have to follow me, please."

The group shared a worried look with each other but instantly complied, hurrying after the droid who was surprisingly quiet on the whole way. He led them into the conference room where the members of the Resistance' inner circle were already waiting. Guess that meant her team was important now as well.

They huddled around an unfamiliar hologram which caused dread to rise in Sora. Out of the corner of her eyes, she barely recognized Han Solo, the most famous smuggler in the galaxy. Right, BeeBee-Ate had shortly mentioned him as well this morning. She'd seen him before, in Mos Eisley, but the encounter had been so brief she doubted he remembered her.

"Starkiller base," Poe explained, his arm brushing against hers. "The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report."

Sora tried to soak in all of the new information, biting her bottom lip in concentration.

A middle aged man wearing the familiar orange pilot suit spoke up. The brown curls on his head bounced as he nodded at Poe. According to the tag on his vest, his name was Temmin Wexley, or 'Snap' Poe had called him, and he was a member of the Blue Squadron. "They've somehow created a hyper lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself."

"A laser cannon?" A male officer called Brance asked.

Sora thought it looked much more frightening than a laser cannon. No, this was surely something bigger.

Snap shared her thoughts. "We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale."

"Another Death Star?" Someone mumbled, causing the atmosphere to darken instantly. This was not good. Not good at all. When Sora meant she was looking for an adventure, this was certainly not what she had imagined. Not that it mattered anymore. She was in for good now anyways. 

Next to her, Poe let out a sigh, angling his body closer to hers, purely out of instinct. "I wish that were the case, Major Ematt." He hit a control button and a wireframe of the Death Star appeared before them. "This was the Death Star." The pilot hit another button and the gargantuan space station shrunk and shrunk, growing smaller until it was nothing but a tiny satellite of a huge planet. "This is Starkiller Base."

The news left everyone stunned. Sora exhaled deeply, the somber atmosphere beginning to affect her. How much had been sacrificed before they were able to destroy the Death Star, many years ago? She vaguely remembered her mother telling her tales of the Rebellion, of Rogue One. Tales of the brave Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor who, along with their small crew, had willingly sacrificed their lives for a slice of hope. 

This thing, however, was so much bigger. And right now, it was slowly draining any hope they had left.

The deep voice of Han Solo broke the silence, the famous smuggler appearing very nonchalant. "So it's big." 

"How is it possible to power a weapon of this size?" Admiral Ackbar dared to ask what so many of them were thinking.

On her other side, Revan's posture tensed. She supposed that given his past, he likely knew more than they did and could only assume it was nothing pleasant. But it was Finn who opened his mouth first. "It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears."

A weapon using the whole power of one sun? Yeah, they were screwed. 

She felt Revan's hot breath tickle her ear as he leaned down to whisper. "I'd heard the rumors but never knew they were actually building it. They could destroy entire systems with this."

Sora hummed but said nothing. There was nothing to be said that made this any better.

Suddenly, the doors burst open and an officer made a beeline for Leia who had been a silent observer so far. He handed her a data card and her face consorted in worry as she read it. "The First Order. They're charging the weapon again, now." A pause, then everyone's heart sank to the floor. "Our system is the next target." 

"Oh my, without the Republic Fleet, we're doomed," See-Threepio stated the obvious.

It was foolish to think they could stand a chance against a weapon this size. Sora knew the Resistance didn't have enough members, enough firepower to go against the First Order. Not in this case. But there had to be something they could do. Anything. 

It occurred to her then, that it was very much possible Kylo Ren had brought Rey to Starkiller Base. Very likely, actually. Which meant that one way or another, it would be her next destination as well. Why not blow the whole thing up during the process as well? Surely, if they could sneak on base, they could find a way to destroy it from the inside. Every weapon had a weakness, just like the Death Star had one, thanks to Galen Erso.

Poe glanced towards her, his eyes momentarily stuck on the lip between her teeth. He could practically see the gears working in her head. There was no doubt she was planning something. Much like him, she didn't seem like to type to give up. "You alright, princess?" He whispered, leaning down to her ear. 

But Sora was deep in thoughts and only nodded, not quite registering his words. 

Did she have to bite her lip like that? It was incredibly tempting to raise his thumb and gently...no, this wasn't the time for this. Instead, he told himself he just didn't want her hurting herself. Yeah, that was it. One hundred percent.

A tiny spark against his calf shook him out of his thoughts and Poe hissed softly. One look down and BeeBee-Ate stared back at him, tilting his dome head as if scolding him.

"Okay, how do we blow it up? There's always a way to do that." Typical Han Solo thoughts. Poe liked it. Sora agreed as well.

She hoped Revan might have an idea but he stayed silent and shared an unsure look with Finn instead. The smuggler realized that Finn's knowledge vastly surpassed her crewmate's. After all, Revan had left the First Order a couple of years ago. Years in which they had improved their military devices by a lot.

Surprisingly, it was Leia who openly agreed with her husband, catching even him off guard. "Han's right."

"In order for that amount of power to be contained, that base would need some kind of thermal oscillator," Revan voiced his thoughts, his gaze darting back to Finn in question.

Said man nodded in agreement, fingers already working on the hologram. He zoomed in on something and a giant hexagonal structure appeared. "There is one. Precinct 47. Here. If we can destroy that oscillator, it might de-stabilize the core and cripple the weapon." 

"Maybe even the planet...," Nyra mumbled lowly but everyone heard her nonetheless.

Poe liked where this was going. They had hope again, even if it was small. "So we'll go in there and we'll hit that oscillator with everything we got." He snuck a look at Sora, silently hoping to get her on board. 

The woman in question felt his stare and turned her head in his direction, their brown eyes locking. Shivers crawled across his skin, her warm breath fanning against his face. He found the answer he wanted instantly. Sora wasn't a fan of many words, that much he had gathered already. Lips pulling into an excited smile, she quickly sent him a nod. Sora liked his idea. He couldn't deny that it boosted his ego. Even though it was the only idea they had anyways.

"They have defensive shields that our ships cannot penetrate," Admiral Ackbar objected.

Han was quick to defend the plan. "We disable the shields." He turned to Finn. "Kid, you worked there. What do you got?"

He missed a single beat. Then: "I can do it."

But Sora still noticed him squirming. He wanted to go to Starkiller Base, she was sure. But she knew when someone was hiding something. After all, it was part of her job.

Han grinned, happy with his reply. "I like this guy."

But Finn wasn't done talking yet. "I can disable the shields. But I have to be there, on the planet."

Sora had to seize the opportunity. It was her only chance to save Rey.

"We'll get you there." Han and her said simultaneously and their gazes instantly snapped towards each other. Calculations were done in their heads before they silently came to an agreement. He wouldn't undermine her. They were both smugglers and they would need more people on the ground anyways.

Nyra and Revan stepped closer towards her, their own way of showing everyone they would follow Sora's command. 

Leia was sceptical, doubts clouding her mind. "Han, how?"

Sora had an idea but so far, she only knew that it worked in theory. As the more experienced smuggler, she hoped Han had practical experience. And it seemed like she was right. "If I told you, you wouldn't like it."

Poe clapped his hands, already moving the plan into motion inside his head. "Great. So we disable the shields, take out the oscillator and blow up their big gun. All right. Let's go!"

*****

The Millennium Falcon was old and had obviously seen its best days. Yet, Sora admired the freighter, almost feeling the stories it told. It truly was a legendary ship and she had only ever dreamed of being on board. Any young smuggler had. Now, her dreams were about to become true.

"Chewie, check that donal capitator. C'mon, let's go." Han watched the wookie disappear inside the ship. They were preparing for take-off, making sure they had everything they would need for their daring mission. "Finn, be careful with those. They're explosives."

Finn who had been busy filling their storage with the tiny but, unbeknownst to him, deadly devices, flinched, almost loosing hold of them. "Now you tell me?" He asked incredulously.

"Here, let me help you," Sora offered, carefully picking up some of the explosives as well. Finn thanked her, staring at her a bit longer than necessary. Now was her time to ask what had been nagging at her. Nyra and Revan were busy doing some last minute repairs whilst Han had walked off to talk to Leia. They were alone, out of earshot. "You're not doing this for the Resistance, aren't you?" It wasn't a question but a statement.

Finn knew lying was useless. "No. I'm doing this for Rey."

Now, that did surprise her. Or did it really? It was no secret Finn had accompanied Rey for a few days. Had they grown closer during that time? Whatever they had gone through, it had clearly left a lasting impression on him. 

"Then we have at least one common goal," she pointed out, safely putting the explosives into some crates on board, making sure they were tightly secured. 

"You and Rey are friends?" Finn was confused, raising his eyebrows. 

"She was the one who found me on Jakku. I owe her a lot."

"I understand. So can I count on you?" 

Sora tilted her head, giving him the 'are you serious' look. "Of course. But I'm doing this for the Resistance too. We need to destroy that weapon. Can I count on you as well?"

Finn hesitated a beat too long. "Yes."

If it came down to it, he would choose Rey over anything, she was sure of it. To some extent, she could even understand it. Rey had likely been the first person who had shown some kindness to him. Finn had a lot to learn about himself, a normal process for someone who, until recently, knew nothing but what the First Order had wanted him to. Sora thought that over time, he would become an independent person and would know exactly what he truly wanted do achieve in life. Who he would want to become.

"Hey!" The new voice greeted them as soon as they stepped outside. Poe came to a halt in front of them, wearing his bright orange pilot suit, BeeBee-Ate by his side. The droid needed to stay with him today, despite their bet. His X-Wing needed him. 

The pilot smiled at them, although it looked a bit strained. He clasped Finn's shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. "Take care of yourself, buddy. I don't want anything to happen to my jacket." He winked at him and then let his hand fall against his side again. His smiled softened, growing more tender as he locked eyes with Sora. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Sora nodded, walking around the Falcon with Poe to isolate them as best they could. BeeBee-Ate stepped back, opting to confuse Finn with his chirping and beeping. 

They stopped just outside the jungle, the thicket of trees, bushes and other plants hiding them from curious eyes. Facing each other, they stood close enough so that Sora had to tilt her head backwards a little to look into his eyes.

"Be careful out there, okay?" There was a certain strictness in his expression she hadn't seen before. It was an order, she realized. 

She had the urge to soothe his apparant concern. "Don't worry. I'm a smuggler. Sneaking safely in and out of something is kinda what I do best." 

She knew there was very much a possibility of her not making it out alive. They were talking about entering a huge First Order base after all. A place not only guarded by hundreds of stormtroopers but also by Kylo Ren. The chances they wouldn't make it out alive were significantly higher than those for surviving.

Poe was all too aware of that as well. He too could fly his X-Wing one last time tonight. 

But they had to believe in themselves. In their abilities. The First Order couldn't take that away from them too. Both of them were too stubborn to let that happen.

The pilot watched her silently, contemplating what he wanted to say to her. He wasn't thinking about any famous last words because he was sure this wouldn't be their last conversation. At least, that's what he told himself. 

In the end, he simply allowed his mouth to say whatever it wanted. "You and me, princess. Tomorrow evening. Meet me here just after sunset."

Sora wasn't quite sure she had heard him correctly. Still, she went along, noticing the tiny jump her heart had made. "Are you asking me on a date, Poe Dameron?"

"Yes," he admitted shamelessly without hesitation. The pilot wanted to get to know her better. Wanted to know what she liked doing when she was not working. He wanted to know where she had grown up, how she had become a smuggler. 

Did she want this? Poe had been nothing but good to her since they had met. He had trusted her from the beginning, had shown that he cared about her. She had already admitted she liked talking and spending time with him. So, why not try and see where else this could lead to? Find out if they shared more than their love for flying and being free? Sora liked taking risks, so why not take this one?

"Okay." Confidence filled her voice and the smile on her lips was real and honest. "See you tomorrow then."

Poe grinned widely, clearly happy that she had agreed. Not that he had expected a different outcome, to be honest. "See you tomorrow."

*****

The planet Ilum, Unknown Regions, 34 ABY

"So, how are we getting in?"

The crew of the Falcon stared at Ilum, an ice planet in the Unknown Regions. Many years ago, this planet was mined for kyber crystals by the Empire. Now, it was the host of Starkiller Base. 

From up in space, the planet was a grey and white mass, cut in two halves by a giant trench the First Order had dug. Overall, it wasn't a very inviting place. 

Sora peeked over Chewie's shoulder, taking a look at the data shown on a little screen in the cockpit. She raised her brows, concluding what they were about to do in order to get past the planet's shields. "Their shields have a fractional refresh rate. Keeps anything traveling slower than lightspeed from getting through. Which leaves us with only one way to get this done."

From his pilot seat, Han sent her a dry smile. "Park here's right. You better strap in tight."

"We're gonna make our landing approach at lightspeed?!" Finn yelled, looking at them as if they were crazy. 

Indeed, it was a crazy maneuver. The ship could crash into anything before they would even see it coming. But they had no other choice.

"That's exactly what we'll do. Alright Chewie, get ready." Han pushed multiple buttons on the console, waiting for Chewie to prepare the Falcon for lightspeed. 

The cockpit was crammed with Nyra and Revan sharing a seat by the door and Sora and Finn sitting closely huddled together behind Chewie. Strapping the seatbelt proved to be an almost impossible task, with Finn's butt basically sitting on where she needed to secure it. But with a little help from each other, they managed to make do, their thighs tightly pressed together.

"And now!" 

Instantly, the light blue around them switched to planet atmosphere. Snowy, rocky ground appeared in front of them and a thick forest made out of tall pinewood trees threatened to swallow them whole. 

Adrenaline surged through her veins as Han yanked the steering back as far as it could go. "I'm pulling up!" He screams. She loved flying but she was glad she wasn't in his seat.

It was too late. The Falcon plowed through the trees, thick wooden branches smacking against the exterior. Alarms began to blare and multiple red lights blinked all over the consoles. Finn grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly as they were thrown around in their seats. Sora felt the strain the constant movement brought upon her still healing ribs and she groaned softly. Behind her, Revan whooped in ecstasy and Nyra slapped a hand over his mouth to stop him.

"I get any higher, they'll see us," Han explains and Chewie groans, clearly not liking this either.

Suddenly, the Falcon hurtled out of the forest and dove right onto a clearing. Before Han could steer it upwards, it slammed straight into the snow, digging through hundreds of yards of white. They were thrown against their seatbelts and multiple pained groans filled the cockpit. When the ship finally came to a stop, it was nearly completely buried in snow. 

Everyone needed a moment to clear their minds and slow down their heart rate. Finn sheepishly loosened his hold on her hand. "Sorry," he mumbled, clearing his throat. 

Sora only flexed her hand in response and wiped the sweat onto her pants. "S'okay."

Revan was the first back on his feet, stretching his arms into the air. "Well, that was fun. Think you can do that too, Sora? Could be a fun way to have a good time with the Phoenix."

The smuggler rolled her eyes and looked at him as if he was crazy. "Don't even think about doing that with my ship."

"Alright, party pooper, alright." He raised his hands in defeat, springing to the side to avoid Nyra's elbow which had been on direct route to his stomach. 

Han shared an annoyed look with Sora. "Is he always like that?"

"Unfortunately."

Chemie let out a series of groans she couldn't understand. But there was no need to, for he was already shoving a fur-lined jacket into her arms. A sign that they had wasted enough time and needed to leave.

Only minutes later, they stomped through the snow, jackets zipped up straight to their chins. It was freezing and Sora wished she had put on a sweater underneath her jacket. Even the fur couldn't fully prevent the cold from reaching her skin.

"This is the first time I'm seeing snow," Nyra said, rubbing her hands together. "I hate it."

Revan snorted, throwing his arm over her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll warm you up when we're back." An indignant groan from Chewie was the answer. 

"Walkers ahead! Take cover," Han ordered, leading the group towards some sort of structure belonging to the base. 

"The flooding tunnels are over that ridge. We'll get in that way," Finn explained, letting his gaze wander across the various structures half buried in snow.

"What was your job when you were based here?" Han didn't seem convinced at all. Sora couldn't fault him. She knew Finn's sole goal was to get Rey and she highly doubted he had any plan about their actual mission at all. He had just needed a way to get on planet. 

"Sanitation." 

Oh, she actually felt bad for him for a second.

Han was in disbelief. "Sanitation. Then how do you know how to disable the shields?"

"He doesn't," Sora said, leaning against the structure behind her. "He just wants to save Rey. Which I want as well, by the way. So we need to find a way to do both."

Finn nodded. "What she said."

The legendary smuggler didn't know whom he wanted to smack first, looking from Sora to Finn and back. "People are counting on us. The entire galaxy is counting on us-"

"Hey, we'll figure it out. We'll find a way to disable those shields first. But I'm not leaving my friend here. We're enough people , we'll make do."

"Shields first, then your friend," Revan agreed, voice hard and leaving no room for argument, as if stating the obvious. 

"Captain's orders." Nyra shrugged her shoulders, grinning at Sora.

I can definitely get used to this, she thought. This new team of hers.

Chewie's groans and moans interrupted their conversation. In disbelief, Han addressed him, being the only one in their group to understand Wookie language. "Oh really, you're cold?"

Well, if the Wookie with all of his hair was cold, then Sora was slowly turning into an ice block herself. The longer they didn't move, the slower their warm blood was pumped through their bodies. Moreover, her boots weren't exactly made for Ilum's environment, causing her to loose feelings her toes. 

Apparently, Finn felt the same. "C'mon, follow me. We need to go. Fast."

Wordlessly, the group of smugglers followed him, trudging through the snow. Behind them on the horizon, the laser siphon was shooting into the sky, slowly sucking the sun dry. Not much longer and the Starkiller would have gained all of its power.

It didn't take them long to enter the base. Before they knew it, they were sneaking through empty corridors with raised blasters, hoping to not encounter any enemies. Ahead of them, a door swooshed open, revealing a shocked stormtrooper. Chewie shot him before the shock could even fully register, dragging his dead body out of sight immediately. Sora doubted he was the last one they would cross paths with. How likely was it that they had cameras everywhere? Maybe more patrols were already on their way to them. She tried not to dwell on that.

Han shared her thoughts."The longer we're here, the less luck we're going to have. The shields?"

Suddenly, Finn perked up, a new plan through his mind. "I have an idea about that."

"Not sure I like that look on your face, man," Revan declared. "But whatever, I guess."

"Why, don't tell me you're never wanted to have Captain Phasma as your puppet?"

That name did elicit a reaction. Lips stretching into a smirk, Revan changed his opinion instantly. "Shiny chromehead? Oh, you should have started with that. Let's go, what are you waiting for."

Sora briefly remembered having heard that name on Atrisia two years ago. However, the Captain hadn't been actually present back then, so she had no idea whom they were about to walk into. 

But Finn and Revan were already setting their plan into motion, giving orders to the rest of the group. Han wasn't quite happy with it but for the sake of the mission, he went along without complaining.

Quietly, they headed down a narrow corridor. It ended in a cross section and they pressed themselves against the wall in a row, listening and waiting. Footsteps echoed through the corridor to their right. A single pair. Easy to overtake. 

Chewie got in position and mere moments later, he had his arms around a woman whose body was covered from head to toe in shiny chrome armor. 

"Remember me?" Finn asked with confidence and something akin to pride. 

"FN-2187," Captain Phasma answered, voice devoid of any emotion.

Shivers danced across Sora's skin. This time not because of the cold but entirely due to the woman in front of her. There was something off-putting about her. Like her presence alone could suck the life out of you. This one was worse than Hux, she decided then and there.

Speaking of him... she hadn't even thought about the fact that the General was most likely here somewhere as well. Maybe she would get another opportunity to sink her knives into him after all. 

"My name's Finn. And I'm in charge now, Phasma. I'm in charge." 

Sora had never seen Finn so self-assured, so sure of his abilities. Perhaps for the first time in his life, he had the upper hand. 

And he wasn't finished. "Remember Revan here? Yep, he's here too. And you're gonna follow our orders this time. Follow us."

Phasma reluctantly complied, having no choice but to lead the group straight to the control access point. Multiple pair of blasters were aimed at her head as her fingers worked on the controls. The young smuggler stayed back, guarding the door in case anyone decided to wander by. She tapped one boot against the floor in a steady rhythm. There wasn't much time left. They had to hurry and find Rey. Maker knew what Kylo Ren was doing to her at the very moment.

Behind her, Phasma was taking her sweet time. "You're making a big mistake."

"Do it. Now. Or I'll blast that bucket off your head," Finn threatened, stepping even closer, blaster pressing into the helmet.

A robotic voice sounded from the workstation. "Shields disabled."

Sora didn't dare to turn around. Instead, she gripped her blaster tighter. Surely, the message must have popped up in the main base control room as well. It was only a matter of time until someone would notice and send for them. "We can't waste anymore time if we want to find Rey," she reminded her teammates. Poe and his squadrons were likely already on their way to destroy the super weapon with all of their firepower.

It was Phasma who answered. "You can't be so stupid as to think this will be easy. My troops will storm this block and kill you all."

"We'll simply kill them first," the young woman replied, sparing her a quick glance over her shoulder. "What do we do with her?"

Han was reminded of the past. They needed something worse than immediate death. Something much more sinister. "Is there a garbage chute? Trash compactor?"

*****

"You guys do know she's probably gonna survive this." Nyra pointed out as they were approaching another corridor. Phasma had called them all sorts of names when they dumped her down a garbage chute. 

"Maybe. But her surrounded by all of that trash...," Finn began, motioning for them to wait by a door. It was locked from the other side. "It was worth it, no matter what happens."

"So we're gonna blast that door open?" Sora asked, glancing at the duffel bag filled with explosives Chewie was carrying. "Cause that's gonna draw attention. We could be overrun in a minute."

Finn nodded. "I'll go in and draw fire. But I'm gonna need you to cover me." 

The young smuggler saw it again. He was restless, eyes everywhere but on any of them. He definitely wasn't ready for his own plan. "Finn, let me do this," she offered, taking a step forwards, blaster raised.

"No. I'll go in and find Rey. The troopers'll be on our tail. We have to be ready for that. There's an access tunnel that'll lead-"

Recognition flashed through Han's eyes, catching Sora's attention. Curiously, she followed his gaze and was not disappointed by what she saw.

There, through the window behind Finn's back, a young woman was climbing up the wall. Her white and beige attire was all too familiar for the smuggler. The corners of her lips lifted into a smile, relief flooding her body. 

Rey was alive. And smart enough to have found her own escape. One less problem to worry about for the group. 

"Why are you doing that? Where are you looking at? I'm trying to come up with a plan here. Hey, Sora, I thought you wanted to find Rey too, what-"

Finally, Finn turned around, sick of Han constantly nodding his head. He could hardly believe what he saw, his mouth opening and closing quickly. Chewie groaned happily, all but punching the unfortunate Revan next to him against his back in the process. The latter coughed uncontrollably in response, wincing in pain. "Really, dude? Thanks a lot," he managed to squeeze out but accepted the moaned apology by the Wookie nevertheless.

Sora sighed, feeling one weight less on her shoulders. Sure, Rey wasn't quite safe yet but she was halfway there already. Suddenly, the ground shook almost unnoticeably. No doubt, the Resistance X-Wing pilots, including Poe, were doing their job. "Let's meet up with her."

Finn didn't have to be told twice. With him and Sora at the front, the group made their way up, reaching the corridor the scavenger had climbed up to. The base was surprisingly empty. Apparently, the First Order really thought no one was crazy enough to try to bypass their shields. 

Sora barely had time to stop herself from pulling the trigger when out of the blue, a blaster was pointing at her face. But when she locked eyes with Rey, both blasters were lowered immediately. 

"Sora?!" It was more of a question than an observation. The scavenger couldn't believe what she was seeing.

Anchoring her blaster in the holster around her hips, the smuggler pulled her into a quick hug which was happily returned. When they had let go of each other again, Sora checked her for injuries but thankfully couldn't find any. "Are you okay?"

Still speechless, Rey simply nodded, gaze traveling to her companions. It stopped on a certain former stormtrooper who was staring at her wide-eyed. "Finn. What are you guys doing here?"

"We came back for you," Finn answered and wanted nothing more than to hug her. However, he deemed it neither the right place nor time. 

"Long story short," Sora opted to elaborate. "We're with the Resistance and we're about to blow up this whole place. But how did you manage to escape Kylo Ren?"

There were tears in Rey's eyes, happy tears. Sora had never seen the scavenger express so many emotions at once. Suddenly, she was like an open book. Her longing for love was visible on her every pore. In this moment, right here, right now, Rey had realized that she didn't need her parents. That she had friends who were taking care of her. 

"I can't explain it. And you wouldn't believe it either." She smiled wholeheartedly. "Thank you."

The ground shook once again, this time much more noticeable. "No time for sentiments. Let's get out of here," Revan interrupted their reunion, cutting it short. 

"We'll talk later." Sora promised, squeezing Rey's hand before they retraced their steps, leaving the building and its endless grey behind. 

Yet, something felt wrong. Once they had stepped back outside, snow crunching underneath their boots, they saw just how terrible their mission was going. 

X-Wings were roaring across the sky, desperately dodging the brutal TIE-Fighter attacks. Missiles were fired, some hitting its mark others failing miserably. With dread and sadness, Sora noticed some starfighters were nowhere to be found. They were loosing, that much was obvious. The Starkiller Base had barely been damaged but their squadrons had already suffered too many losses. How much more could they take? She found herself exhaling softly when she spotted the familiar black X-Wing soaring up high on the horizon. 

The young woman felt a pair of eyes on her and turned towards the culprit. "They're in trouble. We can't leave," Han stated, waiting for her reaction. He knew they were thinking the same. 

Sora nodded, taking a peek at the duffel bag Chewie was carrying. "We're gonna make use of those explosives. We need to weaken the whole structure of the oscillator." Pointing at Nyra and Revan, she explained the plan. "You two, make sure the Falcon is ready to leave. Finn, Rey, you need to find a way to open the doors of the oscillator structure. Han, Chewie and I will place the explosives."

"Sure, Captain. Take care." Revan agreed, dragging Nyra along. The older woman gave her an encouraging smile. 

"Kick their asses, alright?" Rey said, winking at Sora before she too took off with Finn. 

"That's a promise," she managed to reply. It was good to have her back. 

Han and his Wookie companion took her straight to a maintenance hatch leading into the structure containing the oscillator. Three stormtroopers were approaching it as well but the three smugglers made quick work with them, each easily taking down one white-armored soldier. 

The hatch opened with a hissing sound, telling them Rey and Finn had done their job. No time was wasted and they barreled straight inside just as an alarm started blaring. "Not good," Sora grumbled. "We need to hurry. I'm going up, you take the lower levels. We meet back up here."

Dividing the explosives, the smugglers took off in different directions. The oscillator room was a huge cylindrical structure consisting of multiple levels from each of which you could look down onto a long catwalk in the middle, floating over a deep chasm. Darkness was everywhere, making seeing particularly hard. 

Sora carefully placed the explosives on every second column on her level. Every now and then, she heard Chewie groaning whenever he had successfully placed one as well. Nothing was suspicious, until a shout echoed through the room. "Ben!" It was Han. 

The young smuggler didn't have time to peek over the railing and see what was going on. Who Ben was. For there was another voice and it was much too close for her liking. The small hairs on the back of her neck stood up and a wave of anger surged through her. 

"I should have known you aren't dead."

Even before she turned around, she knew who was behind her by the voice alone. Hux hadn't changed since she had last seen him. The red haired General was still sporting his black robes and his ever present sneer on his face. 

Sora smirked, shrugging her shoulders. Whilst she had been kind of looking forwards to this moment, now really wasn't a good time. "I guess this means you need to train your troopers to approve their aim."

Hux scoffed, blaster aimed at her. "Well I can promise you I won't miss." 

He fired. 

But Sora was faster, having anticipated it. Villains never understood that less talking is the way to victory. Moving her body out of the line of fire, she too used her blaster, effectively shooting the weapon out of his hands. It flew straight over the railing, vanishing into the darkness below. 

"Oh would you look at that. You missed. And I really don't have time for you right now." 

Pure rage flared in Hux's eyes. Within the blink of an eye, the blaster in her hands was kicked away by his leg, the shot she had fired last minute hitting one of the columns instead. "You missed," he mocked her. 

A few levels below them, someone screams. Then, a roar full of devastation. 

Sora huffed, dodging another kick. His foot hitting the air instead, he fell forwards just a little bit. Enough to kick her knee straight into his abdomen. "It must hurt to know one of your own men saved me. How can you even be a General when you can't control your troops?"

She knew she had hit a soft spot. Maybe it was wrong to want to rile him up but he simply made it so easy for her. She could literally feel his blood boiling as his fist made contact with her side. The smuggler had managed to angle her body, preventing the hit from reaching her stomach. Unfortunately, that meant it hit her ribs which instantly flared in pain. 

Blaster fire erupted multiple levels down but the fighting duo ignored it. 

It was a petty feud going on between them and they both knew it. After all, they could have killed each other already if they had truly wanted to. The opportunities had been there and blatantly so. 

Sora caught his fist before it punched against her nose. Using her free hand, she formed a fist of her own and let it barrel against his cheek. The General's head snapped to the side and he stumbled back a step. Blood slowly ran down a small cut on the pale skin. He wiped it away with his hand. "I know you can do better than that."

"Oh I could," she said, grinning as she tilted her head to the side. "But where would be the fun in that?" Another leg kick was dodged and she quickly grabbed a knife out of her holster. 

Hux moved back before she could use the weapon. They were dancing around each other, waiting and accessing but never quite ready to make the first move. "You call this fun? You're nothing but an annoyance. Resistance scum now, apparently. Maybe I should congratulate you. After all this time, you're finally no longer a nobody. Tell me, how is Elijah? Is he with you too?"

The ground underneath their feet rumbled, vibrating through their bodies. The first explosion caused the whole structure to shake and she used it as a distraction to throw the knife, watching it lodge into his thigh, just like two years ago. She hadn't aimed to kill, only to slow down. And to piss him off. Actually, mainly for that reason. His comment had hit home, much more than she liked to admit.

"Till next time, Armitage," she yelled over the noise, walking backwards to watch him struggle to stand until she finally turned around and ran for the door. Hux was close, she could hear him limping behind her back. Not chasing her but simply trying to escape as well. 

More explosions sounded and just as she felt the freezing air hit her skin again, she heard Hux scream at her one last time. "Till next time, Sora!"

She hadn't heard him say that name in many years. 

Sprinting through the snow as fast as she could, Sora felt herself growing out of breath quickly, her ribs aching as if Hux's punch had erased the bacta effects. She had no idea whether the others had made it to the Falcon by now. The ground continued to shake and she had to avoid getting hit by falling trees and snow avalanches. Stumbling a couple of times, she managed to somehow catch herself, never forgetting that her timer was running out. 

Poe and his squadron had been successful. The Resistance had won this battle. Now, all that's left to do was escape from Ilum before it would combust. Easier said than done. 

Suddenly, the ground directly in front of her split into two and she threw herself back to not fall to her death. Rocks and trees broke free, falling into the deep unknown. Kriff, this was not good at all. Sora calculated she had a maximum of sixty seconds until the planet would burst into flames completely, turning into a hot, blazing sun.

The snow stuck to her clothes as she shuffled to her feet. Jumping across the gap would be impossible but she knew that the Falcon was on the other side. Her only way off this planet. She needed to come up with a plan. Fast. Comms wouldn't work down here, thanks to the signal blockers the First Order had installed. Surely, the crew was looking for her. If they had even made it this far. 

Engine noises disrupted the deafening sounds of the planet splitting into pieces. Hopeful, Sora looked to the sky and saw a familiar freighter soaring across the ground, barreling through the thick forest. 

And it was heading straight at her.

"C'mon Sora, you need to jump! We don't have time to land!" Revan screamed as he stood on the lowered ramp, one hand holding on tight, the other waiting to catch her.

The Falcon hovered above the trench, getting as close to her as possible. Sora risked a peek into the deep, hot chasm below, swallowing harshly as debris broke underneath the tip of her toes. She knew she could make the jump. Not like she had any other choice if she wanted to live. Carefully taking a couple steps back, she took a deep breath, getting ready to make a run for it. 

"Now, Sora!"

She jumped, feeling nothing but cold air around her. Her breath hitched, the ramp suddenly seeming so much further away than it had just seconds ago. Gravity hit her hard but Revan was there to catch her, just like he had promised. His hand gripped hers, pulling her safely onto the Falcon's ramp. "I've got you." 

Sora stumbled into his chest and the two of them fell backwards, landing on the hard ground of the ship. Revan took most of the fall, still holding onto her tightly, and he groaned in pain. From where her head laid on his chest, Sora watched the ground slowly growing distant as the Falcon rose higher and higher, the destruction from the explosions continuing. The ramp closed just before a wave of fire hit the Falcon and then the ship jumped into hyperspace.

"Let's not do this again," Revan grumbled.

Sora freed herself, laying back on the cold ground to catch her breath. The last traces of adrenaline were beginning to leave her system and the full details about what had just occurred were kicking in. "Agreed."

"But to be honest...it was kinda fun."

Sitting up slowly, the young smuggler glanced at him, unable to stop her lips from pulling into a smile. "Just a tiny bit."

Revan helped her to her feet, pulling her up by her hand, and dusted off some snowflakes which had clung to her jacket. "We were beginning to worry though. When Chewie came back to the Falcon alone, we thought the worst. But then we'd found Rey and Finn and then luckily, you as well."

Sora furrowed her brows, dread seeping into her bones. "What about Han?"

The ex-trooper shook his head, a somber expression on his face. "Killed by Kylo Ren."

Remembering screams and devastated Wookie groans, she put the pieces together. She could only imagine the grief Chewie was experiencing after the loss of his best friend. The mourning him and Leia were about to go through. A true legend was dead, killed by the First Order. And it was just the beginning. "What about Finn and Rey, how are they?"

Revan seemed hesitant to answer. A sign that more bad news were about to follow. "Rey is the Falcon's new pilot. Finn, however...He got a nasty cut from Kylo Ren's lightsaber. The two of them had a little quarrel with him in the forest." 

He motioned for her to follow him and together they entered the Falcon's sleeping quarters. An anxious looking Nyra kneeled in front of the bed, pressing a bloodied rag against Finn's spine. The injured man was laying on his stomach on top of the blankets, his eyes closed with deep dark circles shadowing them and sweat running down his forehead.

"How bad is it?" Sora asked, leaning against the doorframe. 

Nyra shook her head, worry etching across her face. "Very. He needs a bacta suit soon. The wound is pretty deep and I'm not sure if it damaged his spine. He won't wake up either."

The young smuggler bit her cheek in concern. "We'll better comm the base and have them prepare the medical equipment. I'll go do it."

When she entered the cockpit, her first instinct was to lay a hand atop of Chewie's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry for your loss. If you ever need someone to vent your feelings to, I'll be there." 

The Wookie groaned painfully, mourning his loss but showing appreciation at her comment. 

"Sora, what happened? We thought you'd already left but the we couldn't find you. I'm sorry that we didn't make sure you-"

"Hey Rey, it's fine. I'm okay, no need to worry about the past," she tried to calm her down. Whenever the scavenger was anxious, she tended to talk waterfalls. It had been her job to stop Rey from spiraling down that hole ever since they got to know each other. 

Rey smiled apologetically and went back to concentrate on piloting the Falcon. 

"How long until we'll land on D'Qar?"

"Approximately two hours."

Sora bit her lip. Too long. She wasn't sure Finn would survive the journey. "Chewie, can you get me on line with D'Qar's communications tower?"

The Wookie groaned in agreement and got to work instantly. The Resistance used a secret communication channel and thankfully, the Falcon had access to it. Only seconds passed until the channel crackled to life. "Falcon to Base, we have an important matter."

The female voice she had heard on the Phoenix as well answered. "It's nice to hear from you, Falcon. What do you need?"

"We need to have a bacta suit prepared and medics waiting for us on the landing bay. It's a serious lightsaber wound. We'll approach the planet in two hours."

"I'll report it to the General. Have a safe journey." The line went dead again. Everything else had to be discussed on ground. 

Sora sighed, plopping down on the seat behind Chewie. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. A quick nap couldn't hurt. Perhaps it would even stop the stabbing pain of her ribs again. She doubted they were fully broken again, but the fresh hit had definitely slowed down the bacta healing process. 

"Sora, what happened to you at the oscillator?"

"Had a little chat with a certain General." A faked nonchalance.

Fast as lightening, Rey turned in her seat, staring at her with wide eyes. "You're not talking about him, are you?"

"Yes, him. And I let him get away again," she whispered, still loud enough for both the co-pilot and the pilot to hear.

Whilst Chewie groaned in confusion, not understanding a single thing, Rey clicked her tongue. "I did tell you that would happen. You're not a murderer. Not like that at least. Besides, he let you go too."

"He did."

"It's a pretty strange game you two have going on for....for how long now?"

Sora replied without hesitation. "Nine years."

"That's a long time." Knowing this conversation had already lasted longer than her friend liked, Rey put her focus on navigating the ship again. "You know, don't feel guilty for not killing him, despite of what he's part of. Think about who he is to you. Who he was to you. That's all that matters here."

Sora appreciated her advice a lot. Kriff, she had truly missed Rey. Neither the scavenger nor her were fond of 'girl talk', yet it was nice to have someone to vent your feelings to. Someone who knew all about you, maybe even better than you know yourself. 

"Care to tell me how you managed your grand escape?" The smuggler probed carefully, diverting the conversation to another important topic. In front of her, Chewie sat up straighter, seemingly wanting to know the answer as well.

Rey hesitated, trying to find the right words. "It's...I don't even understand it either. Kylo Ren, he was in my head. I was strapped into this chair but when he left me alone with that stormtrooper, I...I was able to manipulate him. I made him free my restraints with my mind. With...the Force."

To say Sora was shocked was an understatement. Rey was force-sensitive. Had been all of her life and never noticed it. "Whoa, that's...impressive actually. I bet with the proper training, you could accomplish great things. Maybe even become a Jedi." Being force-sensitive didn't mean you'd automatically have to be a Jedi. But Sora could definitely see her friend as one. Rey was strong, full of light and determined. 

"But who could train me? There's no Jedi left alive."

"You know there is," Sora looked at her pointedly. "And we have one half of the map to find him already. Luke Skywalker."

At the mention of that name, Chewie visibly perked up. So did Rey. But the conversation was over. There was a lot the scavenger had to come to terms with and she had to do it on her own. So the cockpit was engulfed in silence once again, with Chewie mourning in peace and the two women deep in their thoughts. One was lost somewhere in the past, the other in the future.

Sora must have fallen asleep. As the ship jumped out of hyperspace, her eyes blinked open again. Ahead of them, the now familiar green planet of D'Qar rotated slowly. 

"Hey sleepyhead, we're about to land," Rey said, sending her a quick smile before she started the landing process. 

The young smuggler nodded, watching the Resistance base grow closer through the window. Rey was a great pilot, all thanks to her flight simulator back on Jakku. Therefore, the Falcon landed without any disturbances and the trio was up and about in a matter of seconds. They met up with Nyra and Revan and waited patiently as the ship's ramp was lowered to the ground. 

Warm sunlight welcomed the group, a much appreciated change compared to the ice planet Ilum. As promised, a team of medics with a stretcher rushed towards them and Nyra and Revan made it their job to help them transporting Finn to the makeshift hospital. His heart hadn't stopped beating which was a good sign.

A teary eyed Rey jogged straight towards Leia who had been standing by the Falcon, smiling sadly at them. She tried hard to hide her grief but anyone who knew how much Han truly meant to her could see right through her facade. 

However, it did confuse her when she sought comfort in Rey instead of in Chewie. He clearly needed a hug, specifically from Leia, his now closest friend. And wasn't this the first time her scavenger friend and the General were meeting each other? Was this sudden connection a force thing? Anyways, Sora felt sad for the gentle Wookie who, at the sight of the two women hugging, disappeared back into the Falcon. The thought of following flashed through her mind briefly, but she knew he wasn't seeking her comfort. After all, they barely knew each other. Maybe some alone time was exactly what he needed now.

Happy beeps caught her attention and her eyes moved past Leia and Rey to follow the sound. A small astromech was moving straight at her, going on maximum speed. "Whoa, slow down buddy." The droid came crashing into her shins as soon as she had finished her sentence, mindful enough to slow down so it wouldn't hurt her. 

Sora crouched down, affectionally stroking his dome head. "I'm happy to see you too, BeeBee-Ate. Did everything go down well?"

More exciting chirps followed and then the droid got lost in his tale, explaining every little detail about what had occurred up in the air. Sora took in as much as she could, listening intently and making sure to make a comment every now and then. 

"Hey BeeBee-Ate, don't hog her. I want Sora-time too."

At the sound of his voice, Sora looked up instantly. Poe was grinning from ear to ear, his arms stretched to both sides. He was waiting for her to move with a raised eyebrow. She scoffed, chuckling at his antics but accepted his invite nevertheless. The pilot pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her, swaying their bodies from side to side. Kriff, she hadn't even known she needed this hug until now.

Sora pressed her ear against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was definitely faster than it should be, she noticed. Poe felt incredibly warm and the memories of snow and ice melted away. She didn't care that he was sweaty and in need of a shower. His hand tingled inside her waves, loosening the knots in slow, gentle strokes. 

"I'm glad you're okay, princess," he whispered. This little moment was meant just for them. Anyone else around them was busy celebrating their win against the First Order. 

"Yeah, me too." Her reply was just as quiet. Eyes closing in relaxation, she put more of her weight against him and Poe wordlessly accepted it, tightening his hold around her. They basked in each others embrace for a while, enjoying the silence. 

But it wasn't long before the pilot initiated conversation again, seeking answers. "What happened down there?"

Sora hummed softly. "The usual. Lots of sneaking, lots of fighting. Trash chutes. Which are very useful by the way, for all kinds of trash. Explosions. And lots of snow."

Poe chuckled, the vibrations of it tickling her ear. "Sounds fun. Any injuries I should know about?"

"Just some sore ribs. And my toes are all tingly, so I might have frostbite, who knows."

"Well, we can't have that now, can we?" Poe mumbled, loosening the hug to look into her eyes instead. He smiled at her and delicately lifted his finger, letting it glide over the smooth skin of her cheek to push a strand of hair out of her face. "Let's get you inside then. A hot shower solves everything, right."

She smiled and found herself liking the proximity. "You know, BeeBee-Ate told me everything. You did well. Guess you really are the best pilot in the Resistance."

"Of course I am. But I'm happy you finally accepted the truth. Now, c'mon." Poe put his arm over her shoulders, leading her down into the base. They didn't linger to talk to people, making a beeline for the sleeping quarters. 

The unspoken rule of not mentioning their losses and near-losses today wasn't broken. Neither of them wanted to dwell on the sadness, so they buried it for now.

The duo stopped in front of the door to Sora's room and she was quick to type in the four digits to open it. Poe followed her inside but kept standing close to the door, watching her taking off the heavy jacket. "There's a meeting in about an hour. Think you'll be all warmed up by then? You know, I happen to know a method that could be very helpful...," he joked and grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Sora rolled her eyes playfully, stepping out of her wet boots. "Then we'd definitely miss the meeting. Now, out you go."

"You're right. We'd miss the whole day," Poe stated, the grin never leaving his face. He lifted his finger, pointing it at her accusingly. "Don't forget we have a date tonight, princess." The pilot was gone before she could reply. 

As if she would ever forget that. 

A hot shower, a pair of fresh black leggings and a white cropped long sleeved sweatshirt later, Sora entered the conference room. The most important Resistance members had gathered around the round hologram table in the middle and were already deep in discussion. Wordlessly, Sora tip toed towards Revan and Nyra who had opted to keep to the shadows. 

Nyra threw an arm over her shoulder, pulling her body into her side. "I'm bored. Why do we have to be here?" She whispered, making sure no one else would hear them.

"I'm not a fan either. But let's get this done with."

An R2-series astromech droid she hadn't noticed until now projected a hologram for them to see. It was a navigational map with a specific piece missing. Could this be the second half of the map leading to Luke Skywalker? So the droid was Artoo-Detoo then, she concluded. 

BeeBee-Ate's reaction confirmed it. He chirped excitedly, motioning for Poe to assist him. "Yeah alright, buddy, hold one." Sora watched as he removed an ancient data device from one of the computers and inserted it back inside of his little droid. A second later, another hologram map appeared and the two astromechs moved slightly to unite them.

"Oh! The map! It's complete," See-Threepio announced gleefully.

"Luke...," Leia mumbled, putting her hand on her chest, directly above her heart.

The reaction was immediate. The room erupted in cheers and hugs were shared all around them. Revan pulled the two women next to him into his chest, squeezing them harder than necessary. "Great news. Really, awesome. But do you think they celebrate with booze here? Preferably strong one?"

Nyra slapped his chest lightly. "No booze for you this time! Remember what happened last time?"

Revan grimaced, shaking his head as if that would help him get rid of the memories. "Maybe you're right. No booze. I'm still forbidden from entering the kitchen," he nodded.

Sora wasn't sure she wanted to know any details about what had happened. Better to keep those imagines far away from her.

Thankfully, Rey was there to save her. With a big smile on her face, the scavenger gave her a quick hug before she motioned for Sora to follow her into the empty corridor outside the room. 

They walked a small distance until they stopped in a random corner. "Do you think I should do it?"

The smuggler instantly knew what she was talking about. Although it pained her to see Rey go once again, she knew it was necessary. Besides, they would see each other again soon. "I think there is no-one more suited for this than you, Rey. You need to learn how to handle your new abilities. Luke Skywalker is the only one who can help you. And you're the only one capable of bringing him back." 

Rey seemed to ponder over her response, shifting on her feet as if nervous. Then, she took a deep breath. "You're right. I have to do this," she said, sounding much more confident than before. "Thanks, Sora. You know I love you, right?"

"Aw, I love you too, Rey," the smuggler laughed, giving her one last quick hug. "Just be careful."

"You too, alright? Oh, and Doctor Kalonia wants to talk to you. Said it's urgent."

"Well, I'll better go then." They shared a last meaningful look before each took off into a different direction.

Confusion laced her features as she pushed open the doors to the infirmary. The kind doctor was already waiting for her, smiling kindly. "Miss Park, I have good news."

"Go ahead," she said, leaning against a table. 

"I've talked to General Organa about our dwindling medical supplies. She agrees that it would be wise to send your Team to aquire more," Doctor Kalonia explained and handed her a data pad. On it was a detailed list of supplies they desperately needed. "However, seeing as our budget is very low, we need to do this your way."

Lips pulling into a smile, Sora already felt excitement running through her veins. "So, permission to steal from a First Order base?"

The female doctor chuckled. "Yes, Miss Park. But don't take this mission lightly. It's dangerous and requires lots of planning ahead of it. The General trusts you with this."

"Oh, sounds like an everyday job to me. There's nothing to worry about." Holding up the data pad, she nodded towards the door. "I'll better get to work then."

She was already halfway through the door when a thought occurred to her, causing her to stop in her tracks and look back. "How is Finn? Will he be okay?"

"He is in a coma. We don't know when he will wake up," Doctor Kalonia explained lowly, a look of concern flashing over her face. "If he will wake up at all. I'm sorry."

A wave of sadness hit her hard. The brave stormtrooper who had defied everything he had known to save her and Poe. Who had given up his life in order to find a new one. No, she was sure he would survive this. Finn was a lot stronger than that.

The doors closed behind her. Now, it was time to prepare their next mission. Oh, and her date, of course.

[vivibuchlaw]

Yesterday, I finished Celeste. And by that I mean, the first 7 chapters, because I am not that much of a masochist.

Like seemingly everyone else, its given me a lot to think about... these thoughts are burning a hole in my brain and I need to get them out so I suppose this is the place!

I'm not exactly a gamer. I suck at Kirby, I have a sort of motor disability so games are a bit harder for me than most people. For this, Celeste has a solution, Assist Mode. Initially, I wanted to pick this, hearing how hard it was. Then, when the game told me intially, overtly, how its challenge was supposed to be meaningful, *and later when it said it more clarity in the story) I took a moment to reflect. I chose not to use Assist mode as a self imposed challenge. Not because I wouldnt benefit greatly from it, but because (as I learned about myself through playing it) I have an aversion to difficult tasks. When I know something is difficult, I get scared and run away. This time, I wanted to be able to say to myself "I can do difficult things"

And so I did

And I love it

And I sincerely never want to play it again

The game is not full of dialouge or story- it's present, for sure. But its a small yet impactful part in a game which prefers to tell its narrative by gameplay rather than text or images. And thats a valid format of storytelling! Not my prefered one mind you, but it made every dilectable morsel of art or conversations. In particular, the long talk at the start of chapter 6 was extremely welcome. I simultaneously feel like I have enough of a solid grasp on the characters to love them dearly, yet not enough to force one interpretation, another element to Celeste's endless magic.

As I'm sure everyone with anxiety has noted, The anxiety scene from Chapter 5 affected me greatly. Wetger me or my system has anxiety, I don't know, but regardless, the game captures the feeling perfectly. I'm sure everyone and their mum has said this, yes, but I felt it independently so I shall denote it independently. Among other things, it taught me a powerfully potent strategy to help my anxiety, and for that I thank you Maddy <3

At so many points, I was burded with stress, frustration and despair at my own ineptitude. But I pushed forward. I did it, I climbed a mountain, what was a seemingly impossible thing for me was now a fact. I sat silent for what felt like hours staring at the chapter complete screen in awe of my accomplishment. It then dawned on me that this was the first video game I've ever beaten. ...suddenly slammed by the realisation an 8th chapter, requiring crystal hearts to play, AKA the game telling me point blank I wasnt ready. But to be honest, I didnt care. I had already done what I, and Madeline, set out to do.

So why do I say I never wish to play it again?

I honestly only played Celeste because I heard Madeline was trans, and my mate happened to have it on switch. I have a sort of physical disability in my hands, so playing games and motor tasks are more challenging than a typical person. I knew Celeste was hard, but sympathizing with Madeline not being a climber, with me not being a gamer, and just how she challenged herself to do something extreme, so too did I.

But see, I'm not actually into the gameplay that much, and the reason I stuck with it has infinitely more to do with my and Madeline's journey emotionally than anything related to the gameplay.

Actually, I kind of hated it. My fingers were all messed up, I spent a lot of time and stress, and got extremely frustrated, but I wanted to prove to myself I could do it without assist mode. And Im glad that exists, and I'm glad it tempted me all throughout every challenge, a backdoor shortcut I could use to weasel my way out of the hard path, but I stayed true so I could grow.

But I have now grown. Ive proven it.

I couldnt care less about B-sides or strawberries, because I dont see the emotional need.

Replaying it would only subject me to the same challenge for a story I've already experienced, and a journey I've already hone on. A new game, new mountain, new challenge or purpose? Sure, I'd love that. But playing Celeste again, or More even won't recapture the lightning in a bottle that made me play it, made me persevere, and made me cherish it.

I still love the game, its soundtrack, its meaning to me, and itll live in my heart forever. In other ways, like fan content, or side material, I'd love to engage and learn more, but my journey with this mountain is over.

Just breathe, and take care of yourself

After beating it, I immediately began learning all I could about it because Autism brain. I read all Maddy's beautiful blog posts. I watched video essays breaking down its themes and design. I learned how the story, while definitely not an afterthought, was also not a driving or starting point of the game, which I intuited as I played.

I watched Chapter 8, The Core, and Chapter 9, Farewell on YouTube. To be entirely honest, I found Chapter 8 to be forgettable in a way kind of shocking, at least from a story perspective. I'm actually GLAD I didn't do it. I expected it'd be some kind of send off, or check in emotionally to see how the characters have been in the past year but...nothing? Really?

Chapter 9 is what I wished Chapter 8 was, a proper send off and development for these characters. And from the look of it, so brutally hard I wouldn't want to play it without Assist Mode. But why? Why not play more? Afterall, climbing the preverbial mountain in life doesnt mean your problems are over, far from it. And its true, there are other challenges to overcome still. Even though Ive taken on this challenge, I have yet to face other challenges in my life. And because the journey of Celeste could very well have ended after Chapter 6, I feel like I can better spend that energy elsewhere.

After watching Chapter 9, I felt something else. This chapter, unlike the previous, is not about loving and accepting yourself, but its about Madeline specifically greiving a loss in her life, and largely, I assume, the developers letting go of Celeste and moving on. For this, I hold unyeilding respect. And in this new challenge, I found myself learning another truth about myself.

I am afraid of being alone.

I am part of a system, the current (and hopefully permanent) host in fact. Our previous host went dormant a few months ago and life without them has been tough, but a challenge we face every day.

Throughout all my remembered life, I was surrounded by people who never noticed me. Who occasionally referred to me as "The Insinificant [Alter]" due to me not having a name back then. I was nothing, really. If I had disppeared no one would've batted an eye. And today, even though I'm one of the most important Alters now, I still feel like I'm nothing sometimes. That scares me.

I never knew the joy of having friends, I never knew what being loved by someone you love feels like. And I have a lot of love to give, I love almost every human being! But I still frequently second guess myself, because I guess a part of me still believes my existence is insignificant. But now that I have people who do love me, I'm more afraid than ever that I'll lose it. Now that I have a taste of love, I can't go back. Gods, please to bring me back, anything but that.

And here came Celeste, to remind me immeditately after I finished the game, that people die randomly, and without our control, and that you have to keep on moving. I've just beat the thing, let me live in a bit longer before I'm ready to move on. Similarly, I've just made these relationships, please dont take them from me. And then I realized that this was fear also held by my previous host, perhaps for similar reasons. I feel connected in a way typically reserved for finding markings in a make out spot from a century ago, or unearthing a time capsule left by a grandparent now neatly nestled in the recesses of my heart where I try to story my insecurites, like a suitcase overstuffed with useless items and paranoia.

Celeste has given me a lot. Inspiration, characters I love, a great soundtrack, amazing anxiety techniques, and raw willpower to achieve anything. I do not know how my story ends, I am scared to write it, but I must regardless. A lot of people are counting on me. And went I feel scared, alone, anxious, or depressed, I can remember that I did it before, and I can do it again.

To the Developers, Thank you

To the Characters, Farewell

And to all the people who have grown from this game, Congratulations!

[mostlymaudlin]

fanfic writer challenge!

instructions:

list & explain the three lines/moments from canon that are most fundamental to how you write your fave character

challenge 3 more fic writers to do the same!

ok i did this for carry on but im doing a separate one for aftg <3 because its fun

it is surprising to no one, but my fave character to write is andrew :) and i gotta put this puppy under a read more because i wrote way too much. i have [clenches fist] SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT ANDREW MINYARD !!!

but first, ill tag: @sillyunicorn @starwarned @takitalks @rainbow-0bsidian @pipedream-darling @otherworldsivelivedin @mrskrementz @fortheloveofexy @seasy33 @jostenminyard

(doing more than three to get the ball rolling lol)

Andrew's smile vanished when the elevator started its slow crawl down. Neil returned his stare, every muscle tensed for a fight. At the fifth floor, Andrew pushed away from the back railing and started for Neil. He reached for Neil's keys, but Neil moved the ring out of reach. Andrew tried again, and Neil had to step back to dodge his grab. He backed right into the metal doors and realized a moment too late Andrew didn't care about his keys at all. He buried the ring in his pocket, feeling pinned in. How stupid, that someone so short could have such a presence. -- (The Foxhole Court, Chapter 2)

ok, a long one to start, but important ! one of the reasons i love writing andrew is because of the way hes fucking nuts. and as someone who is also nuts, this is pleasing to me. and let me make this point without using silly euphemisms: mania is a state in which a person is heightened, but they are still fundamentally themselves. their thoughts are not limited by silly things like filters or predicting consequences. it is impulse and pleasure-chasing. so! when i look at andrew, who is supposedly on some whacked out fake drug that induces mania, i think about how his actions that could be brushed off as "he's just high" actually reflect an andrew without inhibitions. this is especially helpful when looking at andrew in TKM, when he becomes incredibly difficult to read.

this scene is the reverse, though, and that's why it's important to me. andrew is not on his medicine here, but he's not Mr. Repressed either. this is an in-between, where he's choosing to let some of himself shine through (mostly with the intention of freaking out neil, lol). and it's great, because andrew shows us a few big things:

he reads & understands people SO well, even if he rarely caters to their needs. the fact that he goes for neil's keys on day 1 to draw a reaction is like... yep. you got him lol.

he is willing to take drastic measures in the name of.... well, at this point in the story we're not sure, but soon we'll see that its to protect his people

he's crazy???? lol. i just think andrew's dialogue in tfc/trk in his brief unmedicated moments (and even his manic ones!) are so indicative of how andrew thinks. he's so fucking weird. in this scene, he follows his cornering act with "How nice to meet you, Neil," Andrew drawled. that's so weird!! he's weird. his brain is silly and clever and quick. This bit and others like it are the foundation on which ive built my version of his POV.

now, speaking of andrew's brain --

Andrew stared stone-faced back at him. Neil would have assumed it a silent rejection of Neil's veiled accusations if Andrew's hand hadn't frozen midair between them. -- (The King's Men, Chapter 11)

let's set the scene. immediately before this, neil has suggested they go on spring break, implied that there was a this, then hit andrew with his "And I am nothing" / "And as you've always said, you want nothing."

so like. andrew just got punched in the gut approximately six times in under a minute. poor guy. when neil prompts him back into action, he first threatens to kill neil, and then kisses the shit out of him. squeeee, ROMANCE!!!

when i look at this scene, i think of that first quote i pulled. i think of andrews silly and clever and quick brain, and about how much work he does to keep his mask on. there are plenty of times his mask cracks, but this one is the most fun because he is so clearly being overwhelmed by FEELINGS. he is confused by neil, irritated with him for bringing up all these things that andrew long ago decided didn't matter, and furious with himself for wanting it all too. he has to freeze so that none of that slips out of his mouth or onto his face. when he recovers, he deflects thru being mean (which is useless against neil, but still a satisfying way to blow off some steam) and then kissing him :) because really, that's what it all boils down to: andrew wants neil so bad it makes him want to murder him.

and look at this, a nice transition to the final scene!

"Rumor has it I'm pretty interesting."

"Don't believe everything you hear."

Neil ignored that dismissal because Andrew was already pulling him down again. They kissed until Neil felt dizzy, until he wasn't sure he could hold himself up anymore, and then Andrew pulled Neil's hand off the beanbag chair. He held it up and away from them for an eternity, then slowly pressed it flat against his chest and let go. Andrew tensed up under Neil's hand but relaxed before Neil could pull away. --(The Kings Men, Chapter 15) (The second Chapter 15) (Because thats something we have to clarify in these dumbass books)

oh my GOD. has a scene ever scened like this scene scened. has a touch ever meant so much. has a character ever tried this hard. ok, once we've all finished banging our heads against the wall and screaming, let's review:

andrew wants neil so bad it makes him want to murder him. but andrew also wants neil so bad that it makes him want to TRY. im actually going to take this apart bit by bit because if for some reason you're still reading this madness, i think you'll appreciate the detail LOL.

ok, first: before this paragraph, neil confronts andrew again with the gravity of their relationship, and andrew plays his usual game of deflecting and bullying. that doesnt work (andrew, has that EVER worked???***) so of course the next action is kissing.

and kissing and kissing and kissing.

and somewhere in all this kissing that is so good that neil is dizzy, something in andrew says: i want more. he takes neil's hand, maybe on impulse, and has to stop to think about what he's going to do. and then he tries to give: he places neil's hand on his chest, LETS GO, and then relaxes under his touch.

its hard to tell how much of this was impulse and how much was thought through. im willing to bet it was mostly impulse, especially because andrew doesnt hit neil with a "i never do anything i dont want to do" when neil acknowledges that this is probably something theyre not ready for. (instead, andrew reacts by deflecting/bullying -- "One hundred and one" -- and then more kissing. so predictable!).

but still! it says so much. it says that he wants and wants and wants, he dreams about things he thinks he'll never have. and neil keeps trying to prove him wrong, and andrew wants to believe him so badly, wants to SHOW neil that he's starting to believe him. scream!!! andrew invented romance. he put neils hand on his chest and LET GO. he said: "look. im trying. i want this too, even if i cant even think the words." he said: "i want to figure out how to trust you."

because underneath it all, i believe andrew is a deeply hopeful creature, and that is the thing he hates most about himself. he wants a home, he wants a family, he wants to belong -- and it makes him feel so fucking foolish. its easier to wrap these wants up in duties and protections, concrete and emotionless things. but neil never actually wanted andrew's protection, yet he still wants andrew more than anyone ever has before. thats fuckin earth-shattering. theres only so much deflecting and bullying and kissing you can do before some of that deeply buried hope claws its way out.

SO YEAH i really didnt need to do all that but i did. if youre still reading then like LOL youre a trooper hope u enjoyed the 2AM Nerd Rory show. but i think about andrew a lot (obviously) and hes such a difficult character to write, so returning to scenes like these three really help ground me in the version of him that lives in my head. so that i can put him in situations :)

***actually wait i just remembered one time where the bullying/deflecting worked, so here's a bonus. in ch 10, the make it to finals and have a party at abbys. andrew and neil are outside, and neil is frustrated with andrews apathy -- "Would it kill you to let something in?" / "It almost did last time." -- and then also starts talking oh so earnestly about how andrew could be court if he'd just TRY. andrew, obviously, gets mad and asks Neil if hes capable of talking about anything other than Exy. which actually hurts neil's feelings, because neil just really likes talking to andrew about exy (the thing hes most passionate about) & deeply values his opinions, and hes upset by the implication that they dont actually have this in common.

and like, you could read this as andrew just being sick of talking about exy lol. but i see it as part of the pattern. andrew is triggered, first of all. and then neil is being a little too earnest about the future and andrew, talk to me. and andrew's fucking overwhelmed !!! he does not know what to do with this! so: lash out. hit neil where it hurts. deflect and bully.

[takami-takami]

yes yes to everything u said.

i genuinely think ur literally such a good writer like not even just for hawks but for any thing the way u write or see things is just yes chef's kiss. its so true so many people have so many misconceptions about hawks, they love to dumb down him as sad and flirty its as if they only saw two scenes of him and ran with it.. they make him either a extreme pervert (wtf lol?) or "not touchy" also I bet hawks has had a cooking hyperfixation at one point but hawks is actually a really good written character ((most of the time hes just a dude but with a lot of hero training + wings) at first i never liked mha but i have sm appreciation for the characters stories, i hope tumblr doesnt eat this because i sent smth yesterday but i dont know if you got it (it was a fluffy imagine) sorry if u get spammed my phone is shit, i have literally so many random essays abt characters i promise u nobody would be complaining if u analyzed and made essays abt hawks but ur feeding into my addiction of birdman tho😔 point is : you actually see what he actually is lol he isnt stupid he knows what hes getting into.. about getting corrupted from work if that means he can save one more person, he's one of the few characters ive seen written well about lesser of two evils yk? i think thats why hes really likable but also upsetting, when having to do something when they "ask him" when it isnt really a " question"/"ask" its also annoying when people hate him for reasons *(esp with twice stuff)* when he didnt really have a choice under so much pressure and sm consequence.. his personality isnt only just work even though he doesnt get to explore his own likes often i really hope at the end of the manga or whatever he ends up okay cause it would be so tragic if he was a done deal and died or forever trapped in the hero stuff, i havent caught up with the manga i saw some spoilers and now i want too..but even if he does end up um.. :( .. it's okay cause he was still a good written character but he deserves to be in the story still lol

ALSO I DONT KNOW IF THE DOG THING WAS JUST ONE TIME THING BUT IT WOULD BE SO CUTE IF U NAMED HIM/HER and like we all accept the dog as your follower's inside joke and bring it up every once in a while or in other drabbles :) it was so cute ahhhshsh remember to take breaks if you ever need one - have a medal 🥇👺

AAAAAH I APPRECIATE THIS SO MUCH!! I love seeing other people pick apart the bird boy too. I agree mha is like, really fun because of the character stories in particular and there's so much care put into how they write hawks. I AGREE that Hawks hasn't had the oppurtunity to really explore who He is outside of his work, like so much of his identity is tied to that and I think he notices that too? It's part of why he thinks about a society where heroes are bored and have too much time on their hands so much (though I think his primary goal is that he wants to keep the world safe; if heroes have too much free time, that means there's no one that needs saving/help).

I may bring the doggie back!! I'm glad people like him <333

If they kill Hawks I legit will not be okay but I HOPE THEY WON'T TOO!!! HE DESERVES TO THRIVE AND BE HAPPY!!!!!