#as long as everyones being normal about it and having fun its harmless

[a-gal-with-taste]

Certainties & Mistletoe - Part 2

Summary: Mistletoe, the only decoration the old bastard could bear to stand during the winter-months. You thought it harmless, simple and almost forgettable... but the events it causes, is anything-but.

Ebenezer Scrooge & F!Reader | 4946 Words |

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Tags: Slow-burn, humor, banter, internal-thoughts, boss/employee relationship, maid!Reader, some world-building, pining (?!?), denial of feelings/everyone has denial, Scrooge being a grump (shocker), I literally don't know where this is going but gosh is it fun

A/N: Second chapter. Why? Haven't figured it out yet, and also don't know where this is going. Enjoy the ride!

If anything was affixed in reliability in regards to your strange-sort of new-reality, it was the fact that it was difficult to ignore that pesky little sprig. 

Not just difficult. 

Quite impossible, actually, considering it sat prominent at the corner of the undecorated desk of Mister Ebenezer Scrooge. 

A desk currently unoccupied. 

The district of Cornhill in its entirety left shaken by the sight of such a man on the prowl, particularly in this season’s time. Pity as it was to wish-upon the innocent the presence of Scrooge, you felt free alone in his business-quarters as you went-about your normal, average routine...

As normal as could be, with the singular reminder of your transgression still sitting upright and full of life, on that small glass of water at the miser’s desk. Right there... right there, out in the open, for all, and especially the Master-himself, to see!

It felt like a mockery. Taunting you, with a memory already half-repressed, forcing it back into the forefront every time you saw the spiky-leaves from the corners of vision, the crimson berries gleaming-still in candlelight...

You half-thought the thing lived-on, refusing to even consider wilting, just out of spite.

Henceforth, why you chose to regard it with an eye full of loathing, and offer a wide-berth around its immediate proximity. A fact that was as ridiculous, as it was entirely unignorable by parties not-privy to your internal conflict.

“Miss?”

You hummed in a way that proved you were listening, despite the venomous staring-match you were engaged-in. With a plant.

“Fairly sure those berries are only poisonous when eaten... they don’t jump out ‘atcha, frankly.”

Ah, Robert - though he swore that Bob was the name written on record - ever the relieving fresh-air in the stifling atmosphere that was Marley and Scrooge. His humor politely-stifled on most days to appease his mentor and employer, the brief freedom allowed between the hours of mid-morning, to five hours past-noon, were well-spent with an easy smile, and a more at-eased attitude.

Usually, it was a well-welcomed attitude. 

But the mischief that gleams in bi-colored eyes, that shift from yourself and to the out-of-place sprig, is enough to leave you wary before he even speaks.

“Though I can’t quite decide... whether your loathing comes from its poison, or spikes. Have you pricked yourself, perchance?”

“Were I lacking more wit than I currently possess, perhaps, but I am not-yet that clumsy,” You insist, but there’s a small smile shared from you to him, one that does-away with most of the troubled glint in your eyes. Most. 

“Strange, ‘innit?” He hummed in that almost-sweet, disarming way that had earned your gratefulness early-on in your employment. “Thought I’d be a-long into some great beyond before ol’ Ebenezer decided to stock up on decorations.” 

It’s spoken all in light joviality - out of respect, seasonal mood of jolly or legitimate amusement at the old man, you weren’t certain - but the second-opinion of the foul little thing does little to ease your mood. 

Your eyes slowly trail-back to it, nails digging into the meat of your palms as they tightened into fists. 

“I would think the very-same,” You murmur, eventually finding yourself able to turn your back on the desk and what resides there, in order to begin work along the shelves, all under Cratchit’s keen gaze. Keen, very-much curious, and unfortunately, eager for gossip to pass the hours.

“Well then. Have you any idea why he-?”

“Why-what? Who knows why that man does anything he-wills to do?” Too hasty, you knew, not only by how swiftly eyebrows shot-up, nearly touching his hairline.

Honesty would relieve you of some of the worry, you knew.

But it also seemed unbearable. To admit one's misconduct was enough of an embarrassment, but the crime-committed felt so much more severe than a slip in composure or social-graces...

Yet, it only took another lingering stare at the surviving twig of holly, before you wrung the dusting cloth between your fingers, “Mister Cratchit, have you ever done something truly... dreadful?”

No one would ever think a dear such as Bob capable of anything less-than goodness, but the copper-haired lad nodded rather quickly. “Oh, indeed! Rightfully so, my missus never lets me forget it.”

Stunned, breath caught between two-lungs, you asked out in a rush what it was.

“Thirty minutes late, I was, to own second girls’ arrival.” He confessed, a great and sorrowful light entering the eyes of two-shades as he wags his chin mournfully. “Nothing more-dreadful than that, Miss. It’s only out of blessing and that gold-heart of hers, that Kathie has never scorned me for it.”

Your heart sank - not necessarily from the story, though you did pity the family-loving man - but because it wasn’t even remotely-comparable to your own situation, and all the complications that now come with it.

Though, likely being the sole-woman alive who has so-willingly bestowed a kiss upon the lips of Ebenezer Scrooge, there was very-likely none to properly seek confidence-in.

So, physically shaking your thoughts from mind, you turned your inquiry to a subject far-less combustible, and humiliating. “Yet another child I find myself privy to be learning-of. Tell me, Robert, what good have I done to deserve such knowledge?”

“Bob, or Mister Cratchit if-you-please,” He corrected immediately, but with a pleased grin assuring you that no-offense was taken. “Two-years anniversary comes soon, since you’ve strode into this very office. It seemed appropriate.”

“In a way of celebration, I trust?”

“No other way I would speak of your presence here, miss.” The assurance is cut off, as Bob raps his knuckles upon his desk once, twice, with a canine briefly worrying at a chapped-lip before he continues. “That, and... well, you might very well privy to the sight of my children, soon enough. Two of them, to be exact.”

“Oh, Mister Cratchit, surely you don’t desire to host them among the company here.” You certainly had no issue with their attendance, but the office of Scrooge and the late Mister Marley was hardly a place of welcome for children.

“Oh no, they’d be so horribly bored, and Mister Scrooge would likely be-” A darting of eyes, much akin to your own, is paired with a gulp as he lays a gaze upon the somber work-station of the man-himself. “... displeased. But Kathie is of-age to begin work, with a voice as lovely as the Queen’s, I'd say! She might design to come ‘round upon her day, with my little man.”

“A son, too?” 

“Tim, man ‘o the house when I'm here, hard at work!” The declaration is spoken with pride, and it’s quite easy to respond with a small smile at the proud-father.

Perhaps it was selfish, but discussion of his life, rather than your own recent actions, was far more welcomed, even as something terribly weary entered his eyes before he continued.

“My... my boy would dowell with walking. Winter has never-quite been a friend with him, and... well. It’s come to the point where the exercise is much-needed, y’see, and I-”

“Mister Cratchit,” You interjected, sympathy in your eyes. “You need-not explain further. Perpetuating your woes with my curiosity was never an intention.” And it was clear, even with a lapse of details, that the situation with the Cratchit’s son was a woe-indeed.

“Right... right!” It was now his turn to shake-himself free of his troubles, which he did with a zeal that left his bright-copper hair to flip over his forehead. “Well, regardless... Miss, ‘ve no-doubt they’ll make the occasional trip! ‘Tis only natural for Cratchits to wish in staying-close, even when hard-at-work, though I can assure you, they’ll keep their business outside!”

“Tis not me you need to assure-this-to, but the caution is appreciated.” And the fact gave you plenty more to mull-over between the repetitiveness of your daily routine, dust collected and shaken-off the dusting-cloth with practiced ease. “Have I time and ability, I can spare a cuppa, warm, for the little-ones.”

“Oh, I couldn’t ask that of you-”

“And you haven’t, it’s merely an offer,” The smile you gave back was meant to invite ease, something which the clerk accepted after a moment. “Free-of-charge. Though darenot tell the Master of-that.”

“Heh, right... I shan’t.” A pause, the quiet words of gratitude nearly-silent, but no-less sincere. Again, pleasantries were a rarity in such-offices... three-years gone by, and still Cratchit was slow to get-used to them in your presence.

Keeping to normalcy. A lifestyle you thought mastered, and now something you missed bitterly, as your routine now seemed to revolve around... it, at his desk.

Foolish, it very-much was, but nonetheless, your steps naturally merged upon a new-path as you went about your duties - a bit quicker than normal, after the pauses taken during your conversing with the clerk - and kept ensuring you made as little visual-contact as possible with the sprig of your ire, the reason for that writhing cluster of uncertainty gathering inside you.

Why keep it? 

And, more significantly, why display it? As some sort of warning? Perchance it was a form of mockery, a private joke of which only one gains twisted-humor from... 

But was there humor to be had? From yourself, certainly-not, but recollection reminds you swiftly of the man’s own reaction to the incident... 

Averted eyes - surely out of the morbid embarrassment of the unprompted action.

Rapid, repeated clearing of the throat - solely for discomfort, you dreaded what occurred whenever the gentleman fell-ill, and what that entailed for you to do.

Your concern of some ailment only increased at the memory of reddened-cheeks - an occurrence that had twice been a happenstance. The prior evening upon your departure, and just this morning, upon your return.

With a sigh as you shuffled the books back unto their place on a cleaned-shelf, you resolved to detour from home to speak with a physician, speak on behalf of his welfare. A second-opinion... was it not what was desired in the first place, except for another scenario entirely?

You supposed you had to take victory elsewhere. If you could not succeed in unraveling the frazzled, mangled remnants of your good-sense, at least ensuring your employer was not catching-cold, was an acceptable alternate achievement in defeat of another.

That is, of course, what you tried to convince yourself. You feared you didn’t succeed much there either.

Speaking of the man, the clock struck the fifth-hour of past-noon.

By the second-ring announcing the time, you were dusting yourself to an acceptable greeting-condition - picking-up the pace as you passed the desk, and its topside contents you so-loathed.

The third and fourth tolling of bells both near-and-far finding yourself positioned, as always, by the front-door to brace to take hat & coat. Arms extended slightly, expectantly enough that your eyes slipped-closed as you sighed, bracing for the temporary flurry that would be let-in. From the season’s snow, and Mister Scrooge's return.

The twelfth-toll. 

The minute-hand passed the twelfth-rung entirely, marching onward to time forever and ever... and the front door did not open.

Understandable. It had slushed more than it had snowed the night previously, making the banks of snow less-pleasant to traverse through by oneself... doubly so, for Prudence would not make traveling conditions any-easier, despite the companionship she provided.

Allowing this consideration, a moment passed without fanfare. A second moment, another... but by the forth, you began to peer at the doorway rather perplexed, a frown gathering on your lips as you squinted out the port-window of the entryway, stretching upon your toes, and still catching no-sight of your employer.

A flicker of... something, unpleasant, crossed your mind.

“Robert-”

“Bob, miss.”

“-Mister Cratchit. Master Scrooge is late.”

“Oh no.” Less of alarm, more of polite-dismissal, the clerk raised his ruddy-nose high-enough over his freshly-inked book to squint-down the corridor to the back-offices, the grand clock sitting proudly at the back. “Hardly even five-after... five minutes after, miss! Hardly a wink in time."

You shook your head, glancing between the unopened door and clock. "Mayhaps, but this is Mister Scrooge we speak off. A man who considers ‘time to-be a finite resource to be transacted sparsely, to avoid its waste.’"

After nearly two-years, Ebenezer Scrooge was nothing, if-not predictable when it comes to stifling-speeches of practicality. You liked to think you did a well-enough mimic of voice and posture too, but the humor is lost quickly when six minutes pass.

A seventh. “He surely hasn’t gotten into an argument of some sort.”

“Mister Scrooge is rather, erm, efficient with those, miss. Doesn’t much-like getting caught up in one such as those.” An eighth, flirting close with the tenth-past the hour.

But Cratchit’s words were true enough; it was quite-possible that the man was among the most stubborn of humankind, the kind to be set-firm as stone, plowing through as efficiently and steadfastly solid as marble.

Which was why you started to pace at the entrance, when the minute-hand reached the first ten-moments of the hour. Sitting at the windowside, two-minutes later, with that cluster of troubled-nerves within you building and building, to the point you feared a combustion would take-place.

The avoidance should have been welcomed. 

Extra-time, even only the length of only a quarter-hour, was something you would normally see as a blessing and something to be welcomed wholeheartedly, entirely, and without any questioning as to the why.

But then you glance at the almost-empty desk, your eyes catching-sight of what exactly made the desk only almost empty.

The sprig of holly doesn't seem as much like a physical taunt, at this moment.

It's motivation.

One you find yourself taking subconsciously, as you rise from your waiting-seat at the windowside, and march over to the coat-rack. With your bonnet shoved over your hair as you tug on your coat, the voice of the bystanding clerk is enough to cut through the fog of your swirling-thoughts, "Leaving sooner than normal? No emergency, I hope?"

"Only the emergency of a search. I worry the worst, Mister Cratchit."

A slow blink, and lowered quill as the man frowned. "For Mister Scrooge? Surely not... yes, it's not-normal that he's absent for so-long, but I'm certain he's right-as-rain-"

"And if he's not?" You demanded, fingers a flurry over the buttons as you bundle yourself up to prep for the outside-chill. "Slicked-cobble is a nightmare, even for a man with a cane. Especially so, mayhaps, and God-knows there's few willing to help him if he's slipped or fallen."

Most would probably laugh, though you-yourself find little-humor in the thought.

"Oh, come now, miss, someone would fetch the doctor, surely! Imagined we would hear Prudence half-the-city away if something befall the fellow, besides-"

"I'm quite certain of it, but I need to be sure!" You insisted, tugging your gloves into place as you turned towards the door, turning to Cratchit in the midst of your strides. "I... I only wish to ensure all is well. If such-is, I'll be back only momentarily-"

The sharp, sudden gust of pure ice to your cheeks was only barely-registered, in time with the modestly-sized office building shaking from the force of the door flung open.

You had very-little time to register these two-sensations.

Even less time, to slow-down enough to prevent the collision, of you striding-out, and your fashionably-late employer marching-in.

Rather spectacularly, soundly colliding against his chest, your hands are coming up too-late to cushion the blow, and curl on his vest. It's only thanks to the sudden-rigidity in your body that you don't stumble-along with the gentleman as he staggers, winded from the blow, and you-yourself are able to keep upright.

Though, your legs feel slightly-weakened at the sharp, flabbergasted inhale that you feel, more than hear.

Another-breath is felt beneath your cheek, after the man finds his center-of-gravity once more, and after the faint deflating of his chest at sharp-exhalation, Prudence slices through the stifling fog of the incident with an excited bark at your feet.

Hands curled tighter, before you push yourself off his chest with chin still tucked-low towards your own. "I-I... You... I apologize, but you were running quite-late."

A poor, poor excuse. And hardly an apology, something Ebenezer Scrooge sincerely agrees with, as evident by his scoff. 

"A typical occurrence, miss, when one requires a detour from average paths."

"Well... yes, but I had-fear that you slipped, the cobbles are quite-slick this evening-"

"My relation with gravity is of such grand-importance to you? Humorous, considering you nearly made me fall-"

"You only did just the same, Mister Scrooge! An accident of equal blame, you can hardly push responsibility solely onto...." You trailed off, a bit lamely, as your gaze has raised in response to man. 

Pompous and sneering as his words are, you quickly take notice that Ebenezer has held himself in such a way that can only be described-best as stiff... he also refuses to look at you directly, line of sight barely-skimming over your brows. 

The non-whiskered skin of his cheeks still host some redness from his exposure to frost, even if the door has already swung-closed behind him. Excessively so, as the flushed-hue upon his skin extends from face, down to neck, peeking upon his ears from beneath his hat...

And...

He's also holding a fresh sprig of holly in a gloved-hand, newer than even the one hosted at his desk. Fist clenched tight about it, as if his body was subconsciously, fiercely opinionated on its existence.

You cannot yet-tell what that opinion might be.

"What... what is that?"

CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST ON AO3

[paramountpetrichor]

hate that i cant send asks on my side blog-

but hi! im void! and im absolutely Obsessed with ur art and the ships u talk about and- and-

*clears throat and tents hands together calmly* im here to lose my mind a bit :3

some Rambles of a few ships that i just. love a lot OTL

obviously love eclipse/earth. theyre just. its perfect! eclipse Really needs someone to pamper and take care of him sweetly but also Not tolerate his bullshit while also being gentle. his main drive is getting the reaction he wants, so wut if he doesnt get it? well then he has to find other ways to make ppl react how he wants and earth shows him how to get that satisfaction while not hurting ppl! its really easy to get a quick reaction out of ppl when u just give em a quick kiss. a small peck or two. like a small harmless prank! and she cheers him on as he (consensually) kisses the entire family. ofc he kisses her too. earth is the big sister that hes always needed and DAMNIT is she gonna help him get better <3

another earth ship but... solar/earth. AGAIN. SOOO MUCH POTENTIAL!! THEYRE SO CLOSE AND BONDED AND SO FUCKING FLUFFY!!!!!! im surprised how little ppl talk about solar/earth despite HOW FUCKING GOOD AND EASY ITD BE TO SHIP THEM. they were gonna make lil stuffies with each other and she was gonna make a bunny and he was gonna make a snake and theyd be friends!!!!! GGAAAAAAHHHHHH OTL and dont even get me STARTED on how she cried and said "i wanted to ask if he wanted to be my brother" FUCK DUUUUDDDEE

okayokayokay.. moving on...... i think we all know of moon/eclipse. literally the tension between them HURTS to witness. "want me to get on my knees back there sweetie?" "want me to bark for u?" "kiss my boot while ur at it" LIKE????? ECLIPSE STFU STOP BEING GAY!!!!!!!!! i can just imagine HOW MUCH that flusters moon and he tries SO HARD to hide it but. its *so* obvious. ALSO the added bonus of the whole enemies to lovers thing??? also wut u talked about earlier in ur own post about how their relationship would slowly develop is SO GOOOOODDDDD

sun/moon.... always the classic. the otp of them all. can never escape them. something i wanted to ask YOU was how do u think moon/sun realized they were attracted to the other?? i bet itd be something like super small like the other doing something silly and them just going "oh *shit*" AND I AGREE that theyd be SOOOO TOUCHY!!!! hugs and kisses and cuddles and hand holding ALL THE DAMN TIME!!! u can NOT EVER separate them! they r a packaged deal!!!!

im a HUGE sun/eclipse shipper tho i usually dont imagine them as being incestuous but... its fun to consider 👀 he gets redeemed and added back into the family and UH OH- he has feelings for the sun :] wut will he ever do!!!! (obviously kiss him. clearly the only correct answer) BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS i think itd be a Really Good slow burn between the 2. i feel like eclipse would be Super ashamed of himself for having a Crush on his Brother of all ppl!! but.... it wouldnt hurt too much, would it? i feel like in general the family would already be a big mess of polyamory but eclipse doesnt Know for a while. they THOUGHT it was obvious that like- its normal for them to kiss each other. but he didnt know!!! so hes like. super fucking shocked to maybe like one day walk in on a pair of them kissing the other (i say sun n moon :3c) and being super fucking confused and conflicted like. THIS IS A THING?? THIS IS NORMAL FOR THEM???? honest to god i wanna write this as a silly oneshot maybe- but dw! bc in the end sun and eclipse DO KISS!!!! THEY GET TO BE GAY IN THE END!!

this is getting so fucking long and im so sorry so ill limit myself to only ONE more ship- solar/jack. on my main i say "oh no it isnt incest i just like creator/creation" but... we all know y we're here/silly TJERES SO MUCH POTENTIALL!!! jack/everyone is great but i ESPECIALLY love solar/jack bc jack Really needs the gentle guiding hand of a parent to help him understand the world better. sweet baby boy needs a bit of help understanding things. but dont worry! solar is here to help!!

also just in general. lunar is a little shit. he goes after Everyone. no one is safe from him. there is no escape from the wrath that is lunars affection :3c

i would ramble more but this has gotten So Fucking Long and its like 1am and im not even gonna go back and spellcheck/edit this so im just sending it and hoping it makes sense :'3

HOPE U HAVE A GOOD DAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

rubs my grimy little hands together. ive been WAITING for time to answer this big boy ask and now I've got it muahahaha

well actually first off, ADHDKAFAJSGA THANK YOUUU 🥺🥺 <3 the whole ass reason i create things is bc i like seeing people's reactions to what my silly little mind cooks up, so knowing you like my gay kissy robots simply makes me wanna create More >:3 and yes please feel free to lose your mind in my inbox any time, any hour /gen

YAYAYAYA ECLIPSEARTH YAYAYAYAYA!!! god you're so right, they are Objectively good together and i Can't be convinced otherwise. Earth won't take Eclipse's bs, but she also won't go about calling him out on it in a mean way. she politely asks why he's Like That, what she can do to help, and then she just has to stand there Confused when Eclipse runs away cause his ass is NOT used to genuine sincerity and his mechanical heart starts beating out of his chest at even the slightest sign of it!!! also just ascended to the heavens over the thought of Eclipse kissing Earth for the first time (cause i feel like Earth would initiate all the kisses at first :3c) and Earth just explodes into giggles and stims. Eclipse is even more flustered- he's grumbling and hiding his face away as Earth tries to kiss his rays cause "you were supposed to be embarrassed- not happy!!!" andand one more thing- the thing where you said how Earth would encourage Eclipse to go give everyone kisses? *Inhale*. HELL FUCKING YEAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!! ourghhh Eclipse and Moon are bickering per usual and then Eclipse just shuts hi up by kissing him... and now Moon is thinking about that for Days. then Eclipse pulls that on Sun. and Lunar. and on every Other celestial until he's kissed everyone, and then he approaches Earth like a proud cat about it, explaining who he kissed and how he did it all while preening like a peacock. (he wants kisses from her as a reward, dammit!!!) agajsgqja eclipsearth hhh theyre so cuteee hhh i need to draw them smooching so bad hhh

KWGIWGIQGA YES NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE TALK ABOUT SOLAR AND EARTH. and tbh i think the reason so Few peeps talk abt them is Because (as much as i love it) of the fact that Earth canonically considers Solar her brother. that pushes many Normies away from even making au's where they're together, which is what solarmoon's normally do bc they were shipping solarmoon Before Moon ever even though of Solar as family. the content-craving part of me brain kinda wishes Earth never called Solar brother bc there would've been sooooo much ship art of the two after that episode if so istg. ...but the proship brain LOVES that she called him brother cause now i have more reasoning to make them kith >:3 i bet when Solar comes back (bc he will and if he doesn't i'm gaslighting myself into believing he is <3) he and Earth are gonna have little playdates with the things they crochet together... their bunny and snake end up on a little date and Earth and Solar are giggling like teenagers whenever they flirt w each other through their respective plushy <3<3<3 and then at the end of it whenever the two plushes bonk their heads together in a kiss EA&SO KISS TOO and JAFUSFAIGA AUGHHH THEY'RE SO CUUUTEEE

anon i will literally /p marry you. you just gave me an excuse to yell about mooneclipse. *Ahem*. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1!1!!1! I FUCKING LOVE MOONECLIPSE!!!1!!!11!!1! ik i've previously screamed about how i think their relationship would develop, but i haven't talked about the slowburn enough yet. sooo... hi not to make this a Lil raunchy but: Eclipse saddling up behind Moon while Moon's in p&s, Eclipse presses his chest against Moon's back, wrapping his arms around his torso and murmuring teases mixed in with Very Family Friendly things in his ear. Moon is torn between leaning his head back to start kissing the sonuva bitch, or if he should smack Eclipse's head 180° around with a wrench. (spoiler: he goes with the first option :3) mooneclipse Also good whenever i can shove Sun in there bc if Sun ever walked in on the two making out he'd never recover. that's all he'll be thinking about for the next year, and the year after that if it happens again. he wants to be in-between them so baddd afaksfaksfaga

SPEAKING about Sun, SUN/MOON YEHAHAHAHAHAH!!! and oh ohh i TOTALLY agree with the Super Small thing. i think it was a fell first, fell harder situation with Specifically Sun and New Moon. Sun fell first, and N.M fell harder. thas' because S&M were already a Thing during the Old Moon days, sooo Sun already had them-there feelings, and New Moon, in all his dorky, smart, trying-his-best glory, just MADE THEM WORSE doing the tiniest little things. like, y'know that high-pitched screechy laugh Moon does whenever he's laughing too hard? Sun heard him do that for the first time and the urge to kiss Moon struck Sun so hard he got a lil dizzy. there were so many times before the two got together where Sun would just Stare at Moon, not listening to whatever tf he was saying and just admiring every inch of him. and Sun only snapped out of it whenever he heard his own rays whirring a mile a minute isgsigsogaoga. BUT. but, New Moon fell harder. if i were to assign a canon moment in the timeline where i think he realized his feelings for Sun, it would be when Sun comforted him during his breakdown over Solar. like Moon, on the verge of passing out, feels himself being cradled into Sun's chest as he carries him to bed and oh no oh fuck oh shit this isn't brotherly love he's feeling it's not it's not. and then whenever Sun brings him sushi the next morning Moon accidentally starts thinking of it like a lil breakfast date and that thought has him shaking and JAFAUFIAGIAG they're so CUTE and AWKWARDN and SOSOSO cuddly whenever they finally get together. Sun has to be on Moon's lap at least once everyday or else he'll be Pouty.

THE WAY YOU FLAVORED THIS SPECIFIC VERSION OF SUNECLIPSE MADE ME ISGIAFIFAIGAIGIA. YESSSSS. Eclipse feels so bad about catching feelings for his new brother, but... the Celestials are already More physically affectionate with each other than normal siblings are, and Eclipse Swears he sometimes catches them all coming out of each other's rooms wearing each other's clothes, and most importantly why does it seem like Sun is flirting with him all the time??? (< cause he Is lmao) Eclipse walks in on S&M making out- Sun having his whole ass legs wrapped around Moon's waist and Eclipse fucking just.🧍‍♂️. "hELLO???!?! HELLO!!?!?!?!1?!" and then S&M Still take like a solid minute to Fully pull away cause. whaaat d'you waaaaant Eclipse can't you see they're busy??? ...unless you wanna Join them, ofc :) (< Eclipse explodes on the spot /vpos)

ON MY KNEES. FINALLY, ANOTHER WHO SEES MY SOLAR/JACK VISION. i'unno if you are a Reader of my Ao3, but if you Aren't, then you should know i think jack starts doing romance stuff alllll thanks to Lunar. he is a Horrible influence. Lunar tells him about kissing, flirting, seduction, the Things That Come After That that i can't say in interest of keeping this post Tame uagigaigaigs. aaand then Jack wants to try all those things on Solar!!! cause who better to love on then your own creator!!! someone walks in on Solar with Jack in his lap one day, and they are very close together, Almost kissing, and then Solar Shrieks and tries to act like he wasn't about to kiss Jack. he's just- he's just doing repairs!!! that's all!!!! thaaat's all!!!!! (Jack is so confused- is he a bad kisser? what did he do wrong :( [< he did Nothing wrong Solar just has Anxiety usgwgigwigw])

AAAND last but not least, yes, Lunar has gone for everyone once, twice, thrice, and probably even more for Some. if someone were to ask him his body count he'd have to Swiftly change the subject out of fear of Never Living Down The Truth Igiahagaig

it took me like over 3 hours to write all this out AHAHHAHAH hope i matched your Hype when it comes to these ships cause theyre all AHAHHJHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

[alan-p-49]

Ranking Each Sims 4 Trait On How Psycho The Sim Would Be If They Had That Trait

now girlies (gender neutral) this is going to be a VERY long post so I'm going to put all the deets below a read more line (not anymore because I want everyone to see this) but the traits I'll be going over is the personality traits. Not the traits your sim got from completing an aspiration or those traits from the rewards store or any other traits. no no no this is ONLY personality traits. if you're ready just press the read more and buckle up. Btw this is based of my opinion and if you headcanon traits differently that's fine but that's how I think about them

also i'm using the word "psycho" very loosely so just keep that in mind

Emotional Traits

Ambitious - 5/10

You can argue that having ambitions makes you a psycho if your ambitions make you delusional, but sometimes they aren't delusional and very much grounded in reality. It really depends on how you look at this sim

Cheerful - 8/10

Girl, how are you happy while you're about to be homeless? When your life is in shambles? When you are about to DIE from embarrassment??? Being optimistic is one thing but I feel like cheerful sims are so optimistic that is getting to the point they're delusional

Childish - 3/10

I'm only giving a little bit for childish because there's a slight chance the sim is childish because of trauma and/or age regression but most of the time the sim is normal

Clumsy - 0/10

There's no way in hell a clumsy sim is a psycho unless they have the other traits that I rate highly in the psycho scale by using their clumsiness as a manipulation tactic but by itself? Nah

Creative - 0/10

Same thing with clumsy: by itself isn't a problem but dangerous if the sim has other psycho traits and ESPECIALLY DANGEROUS because they would get inspired for no reason thinking about an elaborate way to torture you

Erratic - 2/10

Now, you may be wondering, "Alan! Why did you put erratic on such a low scale? Isn't that trait THE psycho trait?" And I say yes and no. Yes because that is what someone who doesn't know shit about mental illness would say but mainly no because that's more like having a mood disorder which is, for the most part, is actually harmless. Not to mention, alot of people, including myself, use this trait as a indicator of neurodivergence even though it is a very bad trait to represent it. The main issue in general with this trait I have is that sims with this trait will be mean to people for no reason and its not as fun as how the insane trait works in sims 3 where your sim will fish in a swimming pool as an example. Also, talking to yourself doesn't mean you're insane. It's just a bad trait tbh

Genius - 0/10

Same with creative and clumsy. Harmless unless there's other psycho traits in there

Gloomy - 3/10

Now these sims might THINK that they're psychos but they aren't. They're just sad boys and sad girls and sad enbies. Now, if they don't think they're psychos and use their sadness as an excuse to manipulate people then yes, they are psychos. Most of the time these sims aren't psychos however so that's why I rank them lowly on the psycho scale

Playful - ?/10

I give these sims a question mark because I just don't know about these sims. They're always in the verge of dying by laughing themselves to death so they're more of a ticking time bomb than them being psycho. You can decide however you think these sims should be in the psycho scale

High Maintenance - 10/10

OMG THESE SIMS ARE THE CRAZY ONES! they will just wake up in a bad mood. they'll complain over a hang nail. if the toilet water gets on them, they'll complain over that. The sun? The enemy. These sims need THERAPY and I'm pretty sure they will be the kind of sims to gaslight people too

Hot Headed - 9/10

Omg these sims need therapy too but for a different reason. Why is everything pisses you off?? are you raw sodium? Because it seems you explode just because the humidity tickled you

Paranoid - 3/10

These sims can be delusional because of Big Pharma and whatever but like these sims are just trying to survive. Leave them alone. They see everything as a threat so there is little chance they actually abuse you because of their paranoia

Romantic - 0/10

They aren't psychos they're just horny all the time

Self Assured - ?/10

I give these guys a question mark mainly because I don't know how to spin them. They can be both innocent or they can be delusional but idk what the ratio is

Squeamish - 0/10

They're just babies. They even get sick after a fight whether or not they won it or not

Unflirty - 0/10

Just because they aren't into the horny doesn't mean they're psychos

Hobby Traits

Art Lover - 0/10

Just because they like art doesn't mean they're psychos

Bookworm -0/10

Nothing psycho by liking books

Dance Machine - 0/10

I feel like these sims have adhd. Like they need to dance. It's their life essence. No they aren't psychos

Foodie - 0/10

I don't see anything wrong here

Geek - 0/10

They require video games like dance machines require dancing. Nothing psycho here

Loves Outdoors - 0/10

Can be sus if they are already a psycho bc they know where to bury your body but other than that they're fine

Maker - 0/10

They just want to make things. Nothing psycho here

Music Lover - 0/10

Nothing psycho there

Recycle Disciple - 7/10

OMG ok ok. so I don't play with trait and I will never play with this trait but I've heard that these sims will just see something and they recycle it. They are OBSESSED WITH RECYCLING. That diamond you found? Recycled. That collectable you found? Recycled? That precious thing you found? Recycled. They will have sex with that recycler ok. Very high on the psycho scale but I feel like a reason for their obsession is their belief that they are the only people that will save the earth from a climate disaster and refuses the fact that its the fucking oil companies and capitalism that is the problem

Lifestyle Traits

Active - 0/10

They just want to do their push ups in peace

Adventurous - 3/10

Now, usually these sims are normal about wanting to climb a mountain...but some of them are crazy to the point that the murder weapon is your lack of skill of climbing mountains so they'll lure you in to a hiking party in Mt. Konorebi, tell you that everyone can climb mountains and then they wait until you slip off a rock and die

Child of The Islands - 2/10

Now if this is a Sulani native they're fine but if they're white and have this trait? Hawaiians know. Hawaiian weeabo that what these sims are

Child of The Ocean - 0/10

They just won't eat fish leave them alone and let them turn into a mermaid

Freegan - 3/10

Now, if they are in a financial situation this is fine but if they're living the dream and still feel embarrassed that they didn't get their own ingredients for a fruit salad and used money instead then that a they problem

Will be continued in a reblog bc I ran out of amount of images I can post on desktop~

[brehaaorgana]

I did go to Sephora yesterday and the Internet wasn't lying or over exaggerating! I saw, in fact, MULTIPLE 8-12 year olds shopping there. although a lot/most of the actually youngest ones had parents trailing them.

specifically please pour one out for one dad trailing his preteen girls lmao. That man had the ultimate dad (or parent) expression that combined resigned exhaustion with supportiveness and searching bewilderment hoping for solidarity among adults. Or possibly rescue

.

Anyways one of them darted in front of me to reach/snatch at something she wanted because she was too nervous to say "excuse me," although I had already noticed her telling her mom what product she was looking for and was actively already stepping aside when she zoomed in to do this! I was making space and she literally was too excited to just wait three more seconds.

I mostly found the darting funny because she was clearly just afraid to talk to another person who wasn't her mom (nervous hand clasping, whispering to her mom's ear, hesitant hover back), but also like sweetie, your mom SHOULD encourage you to not snatch things or reach over people and say out loud "excuse me," even if it IS scary. I pre-emptively moved over when I saw what she was saying, she was just faster lol.

I will think on how to gently help them with this next time. I probably could've said something like "hey, it's okay to say excuse me so I can move over more for you! We can both look!"

This little girl DID open the box of what she was looking at which?? Why did her mom not tell her not to do that?? But she didn't unseal product.

Also this is what she wanted:

For anyone fascinated/horrified by the phenomenon of pre-teen girls being sold absurd skincare standards by TikTok, but who doesn't know much about the products involved:

This is a watermelon glow face serum. Serum is basically liquidy topical skincare products. They're often used for a more concentrated delivery of an active ingredient in your skincare. A little can go a long way.

In this case, the serum is boosting in order: (1) niacinamide, which is a type of vitamin B3 that helps your skin build keratin (for firmness), and the natural lipid barrier which helps you retain moisture. It can also help with inflammation/redness/coloration (acne, eczema, hyperpigmentation). (2) literal watermelon extract which idk says it delivers amino acids and hydration in the marketing. It's probably harmless. It's a good add for marketing, Glow recipe does fruit themed products. And (3) hyaluronic acid which could sound scary but is just a humectant that helps prepare skin to receive moisture, like in your moisturizer. (Fair warning: a straight hyaluronic acid serum is not enough on its own if your skin is super dehydrated. It will make your skin go all shriveled if you don't add moisturizer and you were super dry to start with. Ask me how I know)

Basically this angel faced & clear skinned child absolutely did not need anything to help acne or redness, but in this case it's a harmless product that will also help her skin stay moisturized in winter. It's pricey for what it is, but it's not meant for mature skin only thankfully. Basically if I had to choose something from Glow Recipe (which has cute, colorful bottles and fun fruit themes) for a little kiddo, this lands in the harmless to their skin pile.

She got the mini size which is $20

Her skin absolutely doesn't need this product. This is about marketing performative femininity and anti-aging towards girls and women. From an "everyone has skin to care for," perspective, "watermelon pink juice moisturizer" by the same brand is more relevant. Or the blueberry cleanser.

(most of the actual teenagers said things like "excuse me" if they needed to pass by and weren't rude to me at all. Like actual teenagers sans guardians and I had lots of normal sorry, excuse me, go ahead interactions between us. They're NOT all aggressive and rude.)

Idk idk I have such mixed feelings. I know I cared about the onset of acne at 11, 12... I hated the feeling of breaking out, not even just from a social perspective but like, the sensory feeling it produces in your skin. I pick at it even when I shouldn't. I still hate it! But to have that anxiety compounded a bajillion times by social media would've sucked.

[juliettedunn]

Just a Harmless Memory (Part 1)

While stuck in the human realm, a conversation about one of Luz’s plushies makes Amity reluctantly open up about a bad memory from her childhood. Now Luz is determined to help give her some of the fun and affection she was deprived of.

Hey everyone! This fic is angsty, but it is sandwiched between Lumity fluff. Content warnings for emotional abuse and abelism.

Part 2 can be found here

Part 3 can be found here

***

Amity was kissing Luz, and somehow, she wasn’t surprised by that fact. Somehow, beyond all reasoning, she had gotten to the point where feeling her girlfriend’s lips against hers, her warm hands gently cradling her face, had become normal. 

It was funny to think that the first few times they had gotten more exploratory with their kisses, Amity had accidentally nipped Luz with her  fangs. When she drew blood she had felt so bad that she had been reluctant to try again for a while. But Luz had insisted they would work it out, and they did. Now, kissing Luz was always something safe, easy, and oh so wonderful.

Luz was playing with one of her ears while they kissed, knowing that it was a ticklish spot and making it flutter outside of Amity’s control. In retaliation, Amity fixed her with a mischievous stare, then pushed her onto the bed. Luz giggled as she dramatically flopped backward, throwing her arms around Amity’s neck and pulling the witch down with her.

Amity landed awkwardly on top of her girlfriend, and Luz’s breath rushed out of her lungs with an “Oof” sound.

“Sorry! Are you okay?” Amity asked, hurriedly sitting up.

“Hermosa, I have a cotton candy haired goddess on top of me. I am perfect.”

Amity flushed, hating that she could actively feel the heat rising to her face. Why did Luz have to be so ridiculously smooth and romantic? Despite Luz’s assurance, she adjusted her position, propping herself up on her elbows and then preparing to meet her girlfriend’s lips once again.

“Wait, wait!” Luz cried out, and Amity pulled back.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, but I’m crushing Sir Roary!”

“What?”

Luz pulled a sparkly purple plush dragon from underneath her and gave it a quick kiss and a pat as she set it gently to the side. Amity had seen this dragon plenty of times before; it always had a place near Luz’s pillow during the day, and once she even caught Luz giving it a kiss. But this was the first time she heard its name. “Sir Roary?”

“Oh come on, I named him when I was six!”

She’d had this plushie since she was six? Certainly it was very tattered; the stuffing all collected in the middle rather than spread out evenly, making its legs pathetically floppy. Its wings still had some remaining golden sparkles, but a lot had rubbed off, revealing plain black beneath. Amity hadn’t known it was possible to have a plushie long enough that it could get so worn.

“My dad got him for me! I used to think dragons were real, and…oh, well I guess they are real. But back then I thought they were real in the human realm, and a kid told me they weren’t. I asked Papá and he told me that sometimes even if something is fiction, it can make real life more meaningful. That if we didn’t have fantasy stories, humans wouldn’t be able to live. And then the next day he got Sir Roary for me.” Luz laughed. “Of course, dragons being physically real is way cooler, but…it meant a lot to me. He made me feel like my stories and things weren’t stupid. Even if they were just pretend.”

Amity had been given toys. Several. One, even, by her dad. But Luz still had hers…

Luz smiled, presumably at the memory she was thinking in her head. “Anyway, sorry I’m rambling.”

Amity looked at her tenderly. “Hey, you don’t need to apologize. I like hearing about your past.”

Luz cuddled Sir Roary close to her chest, leaning down to give him a kiss and then pausing to sniff with a frown on her face. “Oof, I think he might need to go in the wash, though.”

Her face was adorably scrunched up, looking at Sir Roary with affectionate disgust, and Amity took the moment of distraction as a chance to playfully tackle her, pinning her down and showering her face with kisses.

“Amity!” Luz laughed. “That’s not fair!”

“Sorry, mi tesoro but…estoy loco por ti.” Amity stumbled over the words, blushing and hoping that she had them right. She had figured out that Gus wasn’t the most ideal of teachers about human language, and had been using more reliable sources of late.

Luz’s eyes all but physically sparkled. “Amity…did you just call me tu tesoro?”

“Yes, I…I hope that’s a normal term of endearment this time?”

Luz’s cheeks darkened. “Tú también eres mi tesoro.” 

Amity slid her hands into Luz’s soft brown curls. She had liked Luz’s hair before, but ever since she had started to let it fall naturally in thick waves, Amity had been captivated, and didn’t understand why she hadn’t always had it like this.

Luz made a cute little hum as they settled into slower, deep kisses, and Amity somehow flushed deeper at the sound. How was Luz this cute? Every time their lips touched, she melted further into the sensation, getting lost in the warmth and comfort, the bad feelings forgotten.

After a good while, the two pulled apart, Amity brushing away the beads of sweat that had gathered on her forehead. She tucked her head against Luz’s chest and Luz cradled her, fingers gently running through her hair.

It was moments like these when Amity could feel entirely safe and content. Luz, so chaotic and accident-prone in her typical movements, was always incredibly tender when she touched Amity, and the softest of scratches against Amity’s scalp had her shivering.

As a child, Willow was the only one in Amity’s life who hugged her with any sort of frequency. There might be a rare hug from Ed or Em after a particularly bad day with weapons testing, but nothing that could ever be expected. After her friendship with Willow was destroyed, Amity had learned to live without physical affection, and the idea of it became awkward and uncomfortable.

Luz’s first few hugs had caught her by surprise, even scared her. But as she grew to trust the energetic girl, Amity had begun to remember just how nice it felt to be hugged, and had even started to tentatively reach for affection from Luz on her own. The first time she caught herself reaching for Luz unprompted, she had been ashamed. Blights weren’t supposed to be so needy; if anyone noticed how clingy she acted, she would be revealed as a weakling.

She never thought she’d reach a point where she could not only hug, but kiss and cuddle Luz every day, a point where if she were to reach for Luz’s hand, or lift her head for a kiss, Luz would give it to her, with no hesitation or judgment.

Though, somewhere at the hidden edges of her mind, edges that Amity had done her best to shove and fold further and further back, she couldn’t help that old fear. That somehow, one day, she would mess this up, and Luz would push her away and fix her with that awful, familiar disappointed stare.

Amity wished these feelings would vanish; she knew Luz cared about her, but Amity wasn’t the only voice in her head. There was another voice, a sharp, smug, critical voice, one that had been growing duller and duller of late but still made appearances. Seeing Luz’s stuffed dragon had awakened that voice, reminding her of that one terrible night; one that shouldn’t have stuck out to her so intensely given all the far worse things that had happened to her, but remained, somehow, sharp where other memories had mysteriously faded or vanished.

She opened her eyes, looking at the plushie that sat next to Luz. “Does your mom know you still have Sir Roary?”

“Hmm?” said Luz, continuing to gently massage Amity’s scalp. “Of course.”

Of course. It had been a silly question. Camila came in here; she would have seen. And Amity knew how kind Camila was. But still…of course. Like the idea of hiding something like that was out of the question.

“She even helped make a little storybook about him. Papá helped come up with the story, and mapá did little illustrations.” She laughed. “I remember being so proud to write my name on the cover.”

“That sounds…really nice.”

“Yeah…Did you have any favorite toys?” 

Amity’s smile faded. “Yes. I did.”

Luz gasped, shaking her hands vigorously before dutifully returning to Amity’s hair. “Oh my gosh, what were their names? What kind of animal? Do you still have any? Tell me all the lore and backstories!”

“I…I don’t remember very well. I didn’t get to have them as long as you.”

Luz once again paused in playing with Amity’s hair, though this time not out of excitement, but concern. There was a long silence, and Amity knew she was waiting for a response, but Amity didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She didn’t like that she had somehow fallen into such a conversation. 

Finally, Luz asked, “Did you want to keep them longer?”

“Yes. I didn’t have the best childhood, remember. But that’s why I’m lucky to be here now.” 

“Amity.”

Amity glanced up and her heart sank. Luz was looking at her, equal parts concern and burning curiosity. She was clearly struggling to suppress the urge to ask as many questions as possible.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, but I’m here for you, okay? I’ll listen if you need me.”

 “I know. It’s just…not that big a deal? It seems kind of embarrassing given everything else.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed with me.” Luz leaned down and gave her the gentlest of forehead kisses, then an even gentler kiss on the nose, and finally her lips. “And you can cuddle my stuffed animals whenever you need.”

Amity froze at the tender expression on Luz’s face, extreme affection mixed with a deeper worry. It was moments like these that Amity wondered if maybe Luz would react well to her saying the three words she had been mulling over in her mind for so long. If maybe, there was a possibility Luz might say them back.

“Thank you,” said Amity, and she self consciously reached for Sir Roary, cuddling it close just as Luz had done. It did stink, but she didn’t mind. “I had a bunch. My dad got me one of them once, actually."

“Alador got you a stuffed animal?”

“Yeah. He wasn’t…he wasn’t always neglectful. Sometimes he was really nice. But it didn’t last.”

Luz didn’t say anything else, just continued to wait patiently. What did Amity ever do to deserve someone so patient and caring toward her? The voice at the edge of her mind added its thoughts. Nothing, that’s what. You’ve done nothing but cling and whine to her since you became friends; how long do you think she’ll put up with that? How long until she realizes you’re not worthy of someone like her?

Shut up, Amity thought, and she gripped Luz’s jacket tightly. She was always telling Luz to open up to her. Maybe she needed to do the same.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll tell you the story.”

***

The next chapter is a flashback, and the last one will be a very cute and fluffy Lumity date.

Part 2 can be found here

Part 3 can be found here

[lemonhemlock]

Nothing wrong with self-inserting for a ship (harmless activity in the long run) but also I think this fandom would be more normal if we realized every ship is so thinly drawn that it’s just us taking whatever dynamic appeals to us and molding it however we want. Which is very fun! That’s the appeal of shipping in the first place. I actally think ASOIAF in general is the perfect fandom for shippers, because there’s a case to be made for literally everything, and usually enough of a base that you can play around and do what you want.

if we are to be honest, ship wars have probably existed since the dawn of fandom and will probably never disappear as a phenomenon. there's always going to be some peevish troublemaker somewhere with no manners making sport of other people's harmless pasttime. i keep giving harry potter examples bc, as a millennial, it was the first fandom i interacted with, but, even then, people were clawing each other's eyes out over harry/hermione and harry/ginny (harmony vs chocolateers or whatever the hell they were calling themselves lmao). anyway, it was as pointless then as it is now, but, when you're young, at least you can say it had its entertainment value for a while.

that being said, if you're over 13 years old and have been in fandoms for more than a hot minute, you should have accumulated enough wisdom to recognize & accept that people have shipped and will be shipping all sorts of wacky combinations anytime anywhere. so just be sensible about it. there's no need to like every ship just as equally there's no need to be personally offended when someone doesn't share the same tastes as you.

at the same time, it's one thing to be venting on your own blog about it and another to be going into other inboxes and excoriate it. 😆 obviously, things are not black and white, like, you can have a civil discussion with someone even if you disagree and i'm NOT saying that this was the case with the previous anon either. at the end of the day, no blood was shed and no harm done. but, in the context of a lot of ink being spilled on the topic already, knocking on someone else's door and saying "i don't like this thing you like because of random reasons" is a litlle "???". i mean, ok? what do you want me to say? 😭 write a whole-ass essay to convince you of the opposite? 🧍‍♀️ <small> i realise this is what i ended up doing anyway but, as the old adage goes, do as i say, not as i do!!! </small>

even with the self-insert topic, not everyone has to like it! it's fine! there should be space to recognise that a lot of them can be silly and kind of cringe and not everyone is the intended audience for that. it's not harmful or wrong (on the contrary), but it also can just not tickle someone's fancy. the solution is very simple: the back button on your browser. but it's a very blanket statement for disliking a ship bc, as we've already discussed, it's too widespread of a theme to be specific to any one pairing. so, if it applies to everyone, then it applies to no one, and what are we even doing here talking about it then.

now, when it comes to helaemond, i'm a bit flabbergasted by this critique, as a matter of fact. she IS a pretty under-developed character, in the sense that she receives little screen time and we are told rather than shown what she's like. but show!helaena has received some pretty distinctive traits like the gift of prophecy and an insect hobby. idk but it doesn't sound like a blank slate over which shippers can so easily project their own personality. do detractors really think this site is crawling (lol) with people fascinated by many-legged creatures? or who are uniquely melancholic because they are tortured by visions beyond their understanding? a bunch of entomologist cassandras just hanging out on this hellsite? i realise that this specific userbase holds many neurodivergent fans, but, it still seems to me that many critics haven't even read much helaemond fic, bc helaena is not exactly depicted as the girl next door. maybe i'm biased here but, at least with luke, i can see it more because he does kind of have an everyman vibe. 🤷‍♀️

[lightyearssurrogatedaddy]

Actual Skel Anatomy Brainrot

So my posts about magical membranes, vertebrae, teeth and traits was the end of it... right?

Haha LSD you dumb fuck, this is your new hyperfixation for the week.

Kind of long, I did this for fun and I'm not really up-to-date on what everyone's collective hivemind of an opinion is on Skel headcanons, so if I repeat something someone's already said, just be cool that you're hearing the same viewpoint twice:

Yeah

A Skel's body is naturally more resistant to most anti-depressants and pills, which aids them in being one of the least likely monster types to die from illness, but makes them more vulnerable if they do happen to catch a cold. If the virus can get past the immunity system, your Skel is in for a hell of a ride.

It takes longer for a Skel to get drunk or high, when they do it effects their magic. Randomly melting into half-assed attacks (for example; Error would have the problem of constantly pouring sting out his eyes. Someone like Papyrus would unintentionally bluify someone/thing around himself.) which are always harmless.

Magic on medication or stimulant loses its strength and deals less than half the damage it's supposed to, although prescription meds aren't as stat draining as what was listed above.

Becomes harder to control in some cases, if your Skel has a more violent nature their magic might react extremely to aspirin or melatonin. That's the body trying to get rid of the unfamiliar chemicals, and goes about it the same way the personality type of the host does.

Skel's breathe to absorb oxygen, like everyone does, the oxygen is used to put more power for attacks and energy reserves. They can run faster, react quicker, and talk louder. They don't suffer from any side effects without air, and could happily exist in a vacuum. They also use breathing for their vocal cords.

Fun fact: a Skel's bite force is 235PSI, the same as a pitbull's, and can lock their jaws to the same ability when biting into something. Its a leftover trait from a much more primal age, like with humans still having wisdom teeth. (but yk, pitbull-esc strength is way cooler.) So Skels don't have many reasons to bite or maul.

Their teeth keep growing throughout their lives, sometimes if unchecked can result in overgrowth that makes it hard to eat or communicate, similar to 'overgrown beaks' in birds. Normally their teeth are worn down by the common habit of chewing or losing them. Skel's have three sets of teeth, their infant pair, adulters, and backup set.

Other Skel bone facts: there are different types of vertebrae, named after the expands it runs down. But intercross commonly.

Cervical-Thoracic, Thoracic-Lumbar, Cervical-Lumbar, to name a few variations

The two types of vertebrae builds are straight-edge and curved, curved is more likely for Cervical and Thoracic, while straight-edge is typically found further down the spine.

Tailbones! A Skel's tail doesn't get much longer than 6-8 inches, and tucks between the legs most of the time to act as extra membrane protection. It doesn't have the same flexibility of a dog or cat's, so they can't express emotion through it, nor does a tail have enough strength to act as a limb.

When the membrane is broken it'll bleed a thick red liquid, no matter the magic color. Happens frequently, sometimes the bones meant to protect the membrane end up piercing it on accident.

The membrane relies on the soul to repair itself if it gets damaged, if you don't have a soul, you're more likely to severe internal bleeding and gag reflex. Vomiting liquid magic also happens if one tries to absorb magic that isn't theirs, the body treats it like a virus.

Ngl it feels really good to find a cool creature to jump on and explore. Ik some of my bullshit would look strange in canon, but really, I just wanted to have fun and reimagine these characters and their body types. uhhhh ight I think that's it

[blkkizzat]

Hiii babes <33 I'm back with another long message bc i cant shut up so buckle up ig hsjsjs

Not the hand in the panties reading the Naoya fics LMAOOO bc deadass me on this blog soooo…. When i say i had 2 minutes until my morning alarm while i was reading plug!choso and i turned that shit off and went back to reading like, the all nighter was worth it!! It's the weekend so im deadass trying to re-read it again and take it in properly now that im not sleep deprived hehe

FRRRR the nicki quote like deadass im tryna be someone villain origin story LMFAO. Nahhh because it's always the cheating fics or virgin reader fics that are phD level written and i can Not read those personally lmaoooo. I got too much fire in my chart to deal with that bullshittery 😭

No bc why do i kinda love unredeemable reader??? Like yes girl be on ur thot shit AND get the man !!! It's fiction!!! Pop out!!! Istg every time i think of that scene in plug!choso where she humiliates him and its deadass 'everyones watching her but shes looking at you' Like choso is soooooo down bad and MY GOD HDJDKSK like he didnt care what anyone thought he just wanted a lil luvin from herrrr, istg when i read that i was instantly transported into the story and like in chosos pov and i felt everyone laughing around me and staring and pointing, in my lil emo get up while everyone else is in their polos and mini skirts and just like lookin at reader with so much yearning and expectation like bih I FELT THAT!!!! My head gets so cloudy when i think of that scene tbh like i feel like it actually happened to me!! Ngl i think its bc i was sleep deprived so i was already on some loopy shit and i was still thinking about it up until the point i took a nap so i feel like i dreamed i was in the story??? Like i went to sleep w it on my mind and then it played out like a movie 😫 plug!choso indeed bc that fic feel like a HIT

Big yes on gojo being an introverted extrovert. I feel like if he's not careful it can ruin his self esteem too where he doesn't let himself properly be happy or have the things he wants yk?? Like deadass carrying the weight of the world on his shoulder and its more self inflicted than anything. Like NO he doesnt want to swim in pussy, he wants someone to go home to who will make him sweets and give him lap pillows and play with his cheeks and remind him to wash his face before bed!!! Stg im out here tryin to beat the fuckboy gojo allegations by printing out otaku!gojo on printer paper and dropping it off door to door so everyone can read the TRUTH 😔. Im campaigning that ishh

Okay but the bonnet x anime shirt fit is such a vibe too?? That's what u wearing when toji bring home the hitman salary and is like "go get dolled up kali we goin out to eat tonight, n wear them lil black gloves i like" 😚 i can get behind the kalji (??) agenda lmfao. Tbh toji was the jjk character i seen when he first came out bc my shithead ex was a japanese otaku boy but like actually an incel jsjsjsk ANY.WHO! yeahhh i like my 2d men to be virgins bc im on the 'first, last, best pussy u ever had agenda' shrugs they dont call me cherry nonie for nothing!! But toji hot as fuck like id def smash at least once to say i did before hopping over to shiu hehe. But deadass i always do so well with the playboys and the jerks bc i got that 'angel until you give her a reason to bite' genetic. Wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove 😙 but men stay tryin me so the serpent do be takin over sometimes lmfaoooo

Nooo pls its so much fun talking to u like im sorry for clogging up ur dash and this obnoxious ass long ask lmfao!!! I'm prob gonna send another ask so you can reply to that one without my long ass paragraph on ya blog bc u the main star baby 🥰🥰🥰

Hope u enjoy ur weekend!!!! Im all tucked up in bed and bursting at the seams bc plug choso here i come!!!! Again!!!!

🍒 anonnn

🍒 my pookies! Sorry for the delay im just starting to feel like a normal person rn lol. 

Omfg tysm tho, ahhh not you losing sleep 💗😭. Im really tryna make p3 good for y’all so I really do hope y’all will like it lol. I gotta get it over to be beta read soon cause I have two endings and im not sure which one to keep lol, they aren’t different its just where im choosing to end it that is lol.

LOL omfg no fr. Like im a cancer but baybay my mars is in Aries so I don’t take no shit and definitely not from none of these men out here (especially too cause my Venus is in gemini so im already going to be bored of a man lol. Im not gonna sit around and be cheated on lolol). Also omg you into horoscopes too? I love my natal readings they are so accurate imo.

Yeah! Idk I wasn’t event trying to necessarily  make reader irredeemable but I do like making characters with flaws. Not that I don’t enjoy a good fairytale type perfect damsel reader fic (because those give the warm and fuzzies) but I also love the idea that no matter how big a bitch/meanie/etc you are that whatever person you are really supposed to be with will end up seeing past that and inspiring you to bring out the best in you. Like reader in plug choso a people pleaser and dating choso even on the dl was probably the first thing she’s done for herself that wasn’t part of a “plan” to live up to others expectations. Ahh not you dreaming about it, im so jealous (legit never dream about the stuff I write I want to so bad haha). But I’m so ecstatic that it really did connect with people. LOL I remember saying when I made this blog I wouldn’t write angst but I also think I was thinking of angst where the reader gets screwed over.  I really enjoyed putting Choso through hell (lmfao I mean he’s just so babygirl I need to be a lil mean to him, love to see those tears 😫).

LMFAO! Not you spreading the gospel of otaku!gojo. Haha but I feel you. Even as a confident adult who would come off playboy he’s still a big dork underneath that. Which reminds me I have a CEO!Gojo/guest!professor Gojo fic with MBA!Reader. He comes off as a charismatic playboy but he a dork lol. 

“N wear them lil black gloves I like” AHHH I SCREAMMMED. Im wearing the gloves and NOTHING else we aint making it out the house!!! We can just fuck on top of the money lmfao. But I love a gown. I buy all my gowns from this site called ‘miss circle’ and the more casual ones from ‘mistress rocks’. Yasss tho it’s kalji! 

LOL I do like some virgins like otaku!gojo and my lil chosito but I like that Toji a hoe cause im definitely going to be talking to him crazy as hell. “Bring me that dick big daddy slut.”

No it’s okay!! I like talking with you you’re funny haha so drop by anytime!

LOL im in bed too hungover but im feeling better so imma start on plug choso p3, send me good vibes!!! You have a good weekend too!! 💕💕

[chaosspear]

anyways im just gonna keep talking about my thoughts until i can empty my brain for sleep anyways as someone who believes that sonic unleashed missed some potential with the implications of the werehog transformation-- i think some of you are a little too edgy about the werehog sometimes.

[the-storming-sea]

additional important information for the quirkless kids club (can’t think of a better name) au

Happens probably uhhhh after the Cultural Festival arc bc thats always a good time for aus

Melissa is visiting from I-Island, getting away from her dad’s current court case while visiting her uncle Might which is why she’s here

While the kids are out on the town with All Might as a chaperone, some guy runs in with his quirk acting up, and miraculously, it only hits All Might, Izuku, Melissa, and Yuuga

cue BABIES

(cue also several panicked students calling Aizawa, crying and screaming, and Aizawa bracing himself for the worst time of his life)

Toshi, as he insists on being called, is 13-14 years old, Yuuga and Izuku are 4-5, Melissa is around 8

VERY early on the kids realize that everyone besides Bakugo fully believes that Toshinori, Izuku, and Yuuga have quirks. Wisely, they decide to not correct this fact. They’re kids, not stupid, and lying beats being bullied any day

Toshinori, in traditional pre teen fashion, is an asshole but only to the quirked older kids/adults. He’s an absolute angel to Izuku, Yuuga, Melissa, and Eri. He’s their big brother AND their father now. Anyone who wants to get to them has to get to HIM first. The only people he allows to get through is Nezu because he thinks Nezu is very cool and gives warm hugs, and Recovery Girl because he vaguely remembers Recovery Girl

An hour in and Toshinori has adopted Izuku as his young babiest prodigy. He holds exactly the same kind of feral energy protective that Toshinori himself holds. Toshinori likes that in a kid. 

Toshi also plans on teaching both Izuku and Yuuga how to be the best quirkless vigilantes the world has ever seen and all the laws they can get away with breaking. And since most laws pertain to quirks, there are plenty of those laws

Melissa keeps wandering into the support department because its the one place where she feels the most comfortable, and people keep kicking her out because keep thinking she’ll fall apart like glass if she stays in there for too long. Naturally, the other three boys help her break into the support department. As a reward, and because she finds it fucking hilarious, Hatsume grants them flamethrowers. Yuuga’s is bedazzled

Hatsume also gifts Yuuga a (mostly harmless) bedazzled gun. Toshi shows him how to use it on people who make fun of him

Every time some weak quirked motherfucker tries to slide in saying shit about the “powerful quirk” they totally have, Toshinori bites them. Literally every time. Except for one time someone tries to insinuate that Toshinori’s spoiled because of his powerful quirk. Then it’s Izuku who does the biting

After it’s revealed that no really, they are all actually quirkless, those same motherfuckers try to slide in saying how they totally get how they must feel. Toshinori still tries to bite them

Hound Dog can smell the distress on the kids CONSTANTLY, even from Toshinori. he’s arranging them all therapy sessions for after they turn back to normal

nezu at this point has realized that yuuga got a quirk from afo and is quickly making plans to get place him under UA’s care while getting his parents to a safe location

Bakugo is torn between guilt and annoyance constantly. he knows that whatever god is out there is giving him karma for the bullshit he pulled in the past, but dealing with these little bastards is a nightmare. also how the fuck is yuuga quirklesss?? is this an afo thing? is this an afo bullshit thing??? did yuuga get a quirk from afo??? what the FUCK–

please ask me more things abt them my brain is empty and i am BEGGING

[magniloquent-raven]

steve's always known that he likes kissing boys. when he was ten a friend he made at summer camp planted one on him. he threatened to break steve's nose if he told anyone, but the kiss was still nice. when he was fourteen him and tommy got well and truly drunk for the first time, and ended up fooling around in the harringtons' dining room, clumsy and splayed out on the cold floor.

things like that kept happening to steve, and he was fine with it. as long as no one knew it was just some harmless fun.

because the thing is, he knows that's all it can ever be. he knows it. men can't ever love each other the way he loved nancy. it's just not how things work.

everyone says so, right. that it's not love when it's two men. it's just...sexual perversion or what the fuck ever. and steve's cool with that. he's not a prude. people can get all shitty and judgy about him sleeping with men because they think it's wrong but it's no different than people calling the girls he sleeps with sluts and getting all uptight about sex in general.

and sure, just because everyone says so doesn't make it true, but...well you just know some things, right? it's a gut instinct. he's never gotten butterflies over a guy, never gotten all warm and sappy with one the way he did with nancy. so it just makes sense. that's the way things are.

which...is why it's really confusing when billy asks him out.

they're friends now. they hang out. he actually likes billy, wonder of wonders. the whole mind flayer thing really mellowed him out. it's sad, sometimes, how much it broke him down, but steve can't help being selfishly grateful because he knows they never would have gotten to know each other otherwise.

and they've...y'know. had some fun too. billy kissed him two months ago, sloppy and urgent, still tasting like the beer he shotgunned. it was just the two of them, on the porch outside hop's old trailer—now billy's. and it was nice. it was fucking awesome, actually. and so was everything else they did after that.

billy was a little weird about it the next morning, so steve made sure to let him know he wasn't gonna freak out or anything. he'd done this before, they're still friends, it'll stay a secret, etc. etc.

it didn't help much, 'cause billy didn't talk to him for like, a week after, which sucked immensely, but steve's forgiving. it was probably billy's first time with a guy or something.

anyways, they worked it out. stayed friends who sometimes touch each other's dicks. it's all good. maybe a little intense sometimes, the way billy always clings to him right before he comes is honestly the best thing ever, the desperate way his nails dig in and he curls his whole body into it. and lately they've been getting a little less rushed, a little more familiar about it. but steve's never slept with the same guy this many times, so maybe that's normal.

what isn't normal is the nervous tension in billy's shoulders and the way he bites his nails and stumbles over his words, and then asks steve out.

because. like. why?

he just...doesn't understand. any of it. why billy's looking at him like that, his usual cool mask cracked down the middle, vulnerable bits shining through, making him all soft around the edges. why his stomach clenches, tumbles over itself, anxiety and something sour twisting in his gut. why his hands are shaking, and he can't quite breathe, and the thought of this ruining what they already have is digging its claws in.

and he can't...he just can't. can't give billy what he wants, because he doesn't even know what that is, and...he can't wrap his fucking head around why this is even happening.

it hurts when billy closes off and walks away, his quiet nevermind, i—forget i said anything hits like a punch in the chest.

he goes home that night thinking about every time they ever touched. every time billy looked at him with something in his expression that steve couldn't put his finger on. something warm that he wanted to reach out and hold.

he calls robin at one in the morning. she's annoyed until she hears his voice. then she promises she'll be there in ten minutes.

steve hasn't cried in front of anyone since he was six. but that night he curls up with his head in robin's lap and sobs, trying so, so hard to let it wash away all the things he's gotten muddied up and confused over. but when he's out of breath and out of tears, there's still a knot in his chest that he has no idea how to untangle.

~~tag liiist ppl sorry for the angst lol @spreckle @growup-thatbeautiful 💕~~

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

Someone Else (I'm Still Right Here)

also on ao3

minor warning for Geralt coming on to Jask when he doesn't know who he is, but nothing comes from it. 

 They've hardly been in town long enough for anything to go wrong and yet, Jaskier finds his thoughts interrupted by banging on the door of their room. If it was Geralt, he would simply let himself in even if he didn't have his hands free to open the door properly, so it must be important. Jaskier rises from the bed, setting his lute aside with a sigh. He detests being interrupted while he's working for anything less than an emergency - and judging by the fact that the knock hasn't come again, this is hardly an emergency.

He saunters to the door, pulling it open to find the face of the innkeeper's wife staring back at him anxiously.

"Sorry to interrupt," she says, "it's your Witcher, sir. Something's happened and no one is... well, they're all afraid to get too close to him. They called in the healer from the next town, but-"

Jaskier frowns. The contract was for a pair of drowners, not even a nest of the damn things. Geralt could have taken them out in his sleep - so what went so terribly wrong?

Jaskier lets himself be led downstairs, doing his best to mask worry with intrigue, but it isn't working. The innkeeper's wife leads him to the edge of the forest where her husband is waiting, a look of pained concern on his face. Jaskier's stomach drops as the man just points into the trees, and he hurries forward without delay. If the people in town won't help Geralt, he will certainly do his best.

When he finds him, Geralt is in a bad state. His eyes are still dark from the potions - probably why the locals wouldn't come near - and there's blood streaked down the side of his face.

Jaskier stays quiet. It's bad enough that Geralt can hear his pulse racing, he doesn't need to make his fear any more obvious to him. He kneels down on the soft ground, assessing the damage before moving him. He's learned from experience that one wrong move can make a wound worse rather than better.

"Okay," he says once he's satisfied. "I'm just gonna pull this off," he taps on Geralt's left pauldron, "make sure your head is the only thing you banged up." Jaskier frowns as he says it, but Geralt seems, as usual, unconcerned. He's much better behaved than usual though, which strikes Jaskier as being particularly odd.

He ignores it and pushes through, tearing an already ripped piece of Geralt's shirt to wipe away some of the blood. Geralt will be grouchy about it later, but if Jaskier replaces it, he can't be too angry. He does his best to clean Geralt's skin and he finds just the one injury - a hefty blow to the head. Not that it seems to be bothering Geralt any.

But when Jaskier cups his jaw, tipping his head to one side, Geralt hums. It catches him off guard and Jaskier jerks back to look at him.

"Your hands feel nice," Geralt breathes and leans into the touch. Okay. So maybe the head injury is more serious than it appears. The innkeeper's wife said a healer was coming, Jaskier will mention it to them when they arrive. Or maybe it's just the blood loss. Either way, the healer will be better prepared to deal with it than he is.

"What are you doing here?" Geralt asks.

"The innkeeper's wife came to collect me. Figured someone ought to come and collect you."

"No one else would even get near me."

"Yes, well, I'm not everyone else, am I?"

"Hmm. Guess not."

Jaskier comes around to look at him, straddling his thighs and Geralt leans forward, resting his head on his shoulder and nuzzling into his neck.

"Yes yes," Jaskier hums, "I know you're tired, darling, but we have to get you up and back to town."

Geralt is reluctant, but he lets himself be hauled to his feet and doesn't even complain about Jaskier propping him up as they make their way back toward town. He's quiet, which is to be expected, but Jaskier is worried that he's keeping something from him, that he's worse off than he seems because Geralt seems quite happy to let himself be assisted - something he would regularly fight against.

As they make it back to the inn, Jaskier knows everyone is watching them and he scolds a couple of them for not offering to help when a man was injured. He takes Geralt up to their room and ducks out from under his arm, leaving him alone for a moment so he can get the fire lit and ready the bed for him. But before he can do either, he finds himself pressed up against the room door with Geralt's face mere inches from his own.

The dark veins and darker eyes are… sexier than they have any right to be and Jaskier swallows back a groan, pressing a gentle hand to Geralt's chest. The Witcher is still woozy and unsteady on his feet, but he resists being pressed back and Jaskier frowns at him.

"Mm, as much fun as this is, I doubt you'll think so highly of me in the morning, darling." Geralt smiles slyly and, for a split second, Jaskier worries that he's become Geralt's quarry, that the toxins running through Geralt's body are really as bad as he always claims they are and that he is, in fact, in real danger around him. But then Geralt leans in, bumping his nose against Jaskier's and any thoughts of fear dissipate immediately.

Instead, Jaskier ducks down and away, holding both arms out as Geralt follows him.

"Geralt," he asks, "what's gotten into you? Not that I mind, but-" he eyes him carefully and Geralt just grins at him again.

"Don't be coy with me, bard, this is what you brought me here for."

"Um. No? I brought you here to rest, to put you to bed not take you to bed, and find you something to eat. This is our room, Geralt, not my room. They only had one left and I didn't think you'd mind-"

"Our room?" Geralt interrupts and Jaskier nods. Worry creeps in and he looks closely at Geralt. His eyes are black still, though the veins are retreating and he seems brighter than usual, not so gloomy.

"Yes?"

"Why would we be sharing a room," Geralt huffs, "I've only just met you."

Jaskier gawks at him. It's not like Geralt to play games, that's Lambert's area of expertise - and this is stupid and obvious even for Lambert's tastes. But something is off about Geralt tonight. The worry turns to fear and Jaskier suddenly wonders if the man he's brought back is his Witcher at all.

He's never met a doppler, but he's heard Geralt tell stories about them. For the most part, they're harmless, but Jaskier suspects they can be paid or bribed like anyone else and the thought of a stranger here in the room with his things, with Geralt's things-

"I thought you wanted sex," maybe-Gealt says again, slightly confused but not at all dissuaded. Normally Jaskier would take it as a compliment that he was still so enthusiastic about fucking him, but this feels very, very wrong. And yet a part of him still considers it.

If it is a doppler, there's no harm really. He's consenting and Jaskier is more than happy to fuck a man with Geralt's face (he doesn't think too much about how that will affect him after it's fine). Right? But there's still a nagging feeling that this isn't a doppler. He'd know, he thinks, if he brought someone else home with him.

"Can you just-" he says, backing up toward the bed where his bag is sitting on the floor. Maybe-Geralt just watches him with confusion as he crouches down and pulls his dagger from his pack.

It's just a little thing, but it's pure silver, gifted to him by Geralt in case of emergency.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Jaskier says, holding it out, "I just need you to touch this."

Maybe-Geralt gives him a questioning look but reaches out and takes the dagger from him, turning it over in his hand. Nothing happens.

"Hmm," he says, "nice weight, well made. A little decorative maybe-"

"Doesn't hurt?" Jaskier asks and maybe-Geralt, who is seeming more and more like just Geralt laughs.

"Not unless you stab someone with it."

Jaskier valiantly ignores the little smirk and shuts his eyes.

"Okay," he says, "start at the beginning, what do you remember?"

"I… woke up in the forest and then you showed up," he smiles at him and Jaskier is already preparing a refusal.

"Listen, Geralt, I am your friend and you would probably even argue that-"

"How come? You're very handsome and you've been helpful and kind-"

"But it's not like that, Geralt. It never has been. I offered once and you were… less than impressed with me." Geralt says nothing and Jaskier takes the opportunity to reign the conversation in. "Can I clean you up now? Something is obviously wrong and we have to get you to a doctor."

"They said a healer was coming."

"I was thinking of someone a little more professional," Jaskier says and Geralt gives him a look. "We have a mutual friend who may be able to help. But for now, you've got me and I'd like to take a look at that wound."

Geralt relents and Jaskier finally succeeds in getting him sat on the bed without Geralt trying to come on to him again. He pulls Geralt's hair back and ties it out of his face, it'll need to be washed later, but he's not going to try and explain how it's fine for him to wash his hair but not fuck him right now.

The wound itself it's so bad, a bit swollen, a bit bruised, but the actual gash is small and very manageable. He cleans it first with water and then with vodka and applies a good amount of salve. He doesn't know which herbs Geralt combines for a poultice, so he bypasses that for the time being; when he gets him to Shani if the wound isn't healed on its own, she'll be able to tend to it.

He finds linen wrap at the bottom of his bag and presses it to Geralt's forehead, gently wrapping it around and tying it at his temple.

"Should be good for now. I'll go down and have supper brought up. Do you want a bath?"

"No. Thank you."

"Alright. Just… stay here, I'll be back."

As soon as the bedroom door is shut, Jaskier closes his eyes, but he waits until he reaches the main floor to lean against the wall and sigh. He has no idea what he's going to do. He never thought he'd be sad to see the day Geralt tried to get him into bed, but it feels so wrong. He'd rather spend the rest of his life failing to impress Geralt than spend another five minutes with him like this.

He takes his time ordering food, half-hoping that Geralt will be asleep by the time he gets back to the room, but their supper is ready quickly and Jaskier reluctantly takes it back up to their room, setting the tray on the table beside the bed.

Geralt at least spares him conversation while they eat and then Jaskier sets the dishes aside and strips out of his clothes for bed, already dreading having to share a bed. He keeps his shorts on and waits until Geralt is already in bed before climbing in after him.

The fire is burning low already, so he's not worried about it, but he blows out the candle beside the bed and pulls the blankets up over himself. He faces out into the room, preferring not to see Geralt right now. It feels weird to want to avoid him and it makes his chest ache because this is Geralt, but it's not. He just wants his Geralt back.

He shuts his eyes and tries to sleep but Geralt is cuddly like this, shifting closer and pressing up against him. He gets an arm around Jaskier's waist and Jaskier squeezes his eyes shut. It's everything he thinks about during the long nights sleeping around a campfire, but he can't let himself give into it. But it feels good because it's Geralt's arm around him, Geralt's chest pressed to his back, Geralt's breath against his neck. He very nearly whines because it's so damn unfair.

But then Geralt's lips press against the back of his neck and a little gasp escapes his lips, unintentionally. He ignores it the first time, but then he does it again and when he shifts closer, Jaskier can feel the length of his cock pressing against his ass. And fuck, that's hard to turn down, but Jaskier wrenches himself out of Geralt's arms.

"I can't," he whispers, unconvincing even to himself.

"You want it, though," Geralt hums, "I can smell it on you."

"Maybe," Jaskier confesses, "but not like this. Not when you don't know who I am. Not when fucking any other person in this place would be the same for you. I can't, Geralt. Go to sleep."

Jaskier hates how disappointed Geralt sounds when he pulls away, but he doesn't try again and Jaskier almost finds himself wishing he would. He tugs the blanket a little tighter around himself and pulls his knees to his chest, trying to force back the fear that he might not get his Geralt back.

In the morning, Geralt wakes first and Jaskier is relieved to find himself alone in bed, although he worries about where Geralt has gotten to. But when he drags himself out of bed, he finds Geralt packed and ready to go with a hearty breakfast waiting for him.

"What's all this?" Jaskier asks, "trying to get away from me all of a sudden?" It comes out more bitter than he intends and he winces at the tone of his own voice.

"You were so sad, last night," Geralt says quietly. "I don't know how to fix this, how to remember you, but I thought you'd want to get started early. I had breakfast brought up." He offers a soft smile, gesturing to the food and Jaskier's heart flip-flops.

"Oh. Thank you."

"I've eaten. Take your time and we can leave when you're finished."

"Right."

Geralt just sits on the bed while Jaskier eats his breakfast and contemplates the fact that this is still his Geralt, as much as it doesn't seem like it. His own things are still ready to go and he has no idea who to go to to collect the reward for the drowners, but it couldn't have been much anyway, so he's not worried about it. Geralt won't be pleased about it when he remembers himself, but there's only so much Jaskier knows how to handle and he wants to get Geralt to Shani as quickly as possible.

They head out mid-morning, and Geralt insists on letting Jaskier ride, which is… nice, in a concerning way. Roach is equally confused and concerned, but Jaskier does his best to comfort her. Thankfully, they aren't far from Oxenfurt or Jaskier isn't sure how he would cope.

Geralt walks alongside him, happy enough apparently to let Jaskier ride. He hums as they travel, a low wonderful sound that had Jaskier's heart fluttering, but it tears him in two because the song is his which means Geralt does remember something, but he's also so sad to see him this calm and relaxed knowing his goal is to take that away from him.

For now, he won't say anything, will just let Geralt enjoy the journey. When and if they find a way to get his memory back, he'll explain everything and give Geralt the chance to decline if he wishes. The selfish part of him hopes he doesn't.

They carry on in much the same way, but even when Geralt talks, Jaskier struggles to find it in himself to be too enthusiastic about anything. He's already in a difficult spot and he just wants to get through this, whatever the outcome. But it's obvious Geralt notices and that he's trying to distract him from it.

Jaskier tries to cheer up a little, if only for him, but he finds it difficult because he knows Geralt can tell how he's really feeling. But Jaskier appreciates the effort, either way.

"Remind me where we're going?" Geralt asks and Jaskier realizes he hasn't told him, Geralt just trusted him not to be leading him towards certain death.

"To Oxenfurt," he says, trying to sound cheerful, "it's one of my favourite places on the continent. I have a friend who practices medicine, she should be able to help."

"You don't have to pretend for me. I know you're sad, I know you miss him. Me. I wish I could give you your friend back."

Jaskier's heart clenches and he takes a steadying breath. "I'm fine," he says, "and I can't miss him, he's you and you're right here." He feels odd, like he's talking to a child, but Geralt just smiles at him, softly but like he doesn't believe him. Jaskier wouldn't either, he's never been good at lying to Geralt.

There's a heavy silence that falls after that and for some time they continue forward unspeaking. Jaskier twitches to feel the silence, to sing or talk to something just to keep from thinking that Geralt is upset with him. Then, abruptly, Geralt speaks.

"What kind of man am I?" Jaskier doesn't even have to think to answer that.

"You're kind," he says, "more than anyone gives you credit for. You always try to take the less violent route, even though your job is to kill monsters. You're generous and loving and you care so deeply for your friends and family."

He pauses for a moment, swallowing a lump in his throat. Because he's not included in that group. He knows Geralt must care for him, but not in the way he loves Eskel or Lambert, or even in the way his friendship with Shani or Zoltan comes so easily to him. Next to him, Geralt is silent for a moment and then.

"Jaskier are you-" Jaskier shuts his eyes, dreading whatever is coming next. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do," he says, forcing cheeriness into his voice, "You're my best friend."

"But it's more than that, isn't it?"

"Geralt-"

"I know I don't really know you, but I… think I love you, too."

"Geralt, don't say that," Jaskier shuts his eyes tightly, "you can't know that."

"I feel it."

Jaskier wants to scream. It's so unfair to hear those words from Geralt's mouth and know they’re not true. He pushes Roach a little quicker forward, but Geralt stops him.

Roach comes to a full stop and Jaskier grows frowns at Geralt as he comes to stand next to him. Geralt raised a hand up, cupping his jaw and guiding him downward.

"I feel like you won't hear it from me again, so I love you." He's soft, almost breathless, and when he stretches up to kiss him, Jaskier doesn't stop him.

It's just soft, no urgency, no want for something more than just a kiss and Jaskier can't help but lean into it just a little. Because those are Geralt's hands on him, Geralt's mouth against his own, soft and slow.

But Geralt moans softly against him and Jaskier remembers himself with a start. He pulls back from the Witcher, almost unseating himself, but Geralt steadies him.

"I'm sorry," he breathes, "I can't, it's not fair-"

"To me?" Geralt asks and there's sadness behind the humour in his voice.

"Yes."

After that, they spend the rest of the day in silence and Jaskier feels bad for Geralt - he can't imagine losing his memory and not knowing who he is - but he can't stand the fruitless hope. Because Geralt doesn't love him, he's made it known that they're not friends and how could Jaskier hope for more when he can't even attain friendship?

Then again, the man walking next to him now still is Geralt. He doesn't feel like Geralt and he doesn't act like Geralt, but he is. Jaskier isn't sure how people usually react when they lose their memories, so he doesn't have a basis to judge by, but it is still Geralt.

When they stop for the night, Geralt sleeps close enough to keep him warm but doesn't cuddle up like he did the night before and Jaskier hates himself for it. Maybe Geralt has a chance here at a new life, one where he can be happy and not weighed down by the memory of his childhood. And if he does, if he wants it, who is Jaskier to deny him that?

He's not sure he could be a part of it, though. Even thinking about him now, wishing Geralt would come a little closer, curl an arm around his middle, he feels like he's betraying his friend, betraying the old Geralt as the case may be.

Either way, he'll get Geralt to Oxenfurt so they can speak to Shani and see if there's anything that can be done. If there's not, he doesn't have to worry about making the decision to leave or stay, but if there is- If there is a chance Geralt can regain his memories, Jaskier has to let him make that choice alone and then make his own depending on what Geralt wants.

They reach Oxenfurt a few days later after what feels like a month-long journey and Jaskier is just glad to be somewhere warm where he can have his own room and not have to worry about wanting to be close. He leads them immediately to the inn and rents two separate rooms. It's fairly costly and he's reminded of the reason they needed to take the last contract, but he could be in Oxenfurt for a while depending on how this goes and he'll be able to pick up work easily enough.

Jaskier heads up to his room and makes sure Geralt gets settled, then he heads down and orders food and a bath up to Geralt's room before heading out to find Shani.

The first place he looks is the hospital, but the nurse working informs him that Shani has her own clinic now and she's located near the centre of town. Jaskier thanks her and doubles back, following the directions she'd given. Shani's clinic is tucked between two other buildings and Jaskier knocks before entering. There's no one inside but it's only a moment before Shani emerges from a back room, the neutral look on her face quickly growing into a smile. When Jaskier doesn't return the gesture she frowns.

"I take it this isn't a personal visit," she says and Jaskier can feel something inside him slip. He shakes his head.

"No, I'm sorry. I- we need your help."

"Geralt?" she asks and the last bit of his self-control gives way and he chokes on a sob. "Hey," she says, "come sit down."

Shani guides him to a back room and sits him down on a plush soft, surprisingly nice for a medical clinic. She shuts and locks the door behind them and sits next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Geralt," he chokes, "hes'-" he takes a deep breath, swallowing back another sob. "Shani, he doesn't know who he is. He doesn't know who I am."

"Oh. What happened?"

"I wasn't there. I just- they came to get me because no one else would get near him. It was just supposed to be a drowner contract but he got hit in the head or something. I don't know what to do."

"Where is he now?"

"Back at the inn."

"Here?" she asks. Jaskier nods. "Why don't you take me to him, I'll take a look."

"I- I don't know if he'll want to be fixed? He came with me but Shani, he seems happy."

"Why don't we go and see him first. We'll figure out what's wrong before worrying too much, hm?" Jaskier agrees and Shani packs a bag and they head for the inn.

They find Geralt in his room, having eaten and bathed and he looks good. He's got his hair down around his shoulders and he's shirtless and Jaskier has to avert his eyes. He takes a seat in the corner and lets Shani introduce herself and asks to look him over. Jaskier stays quiet and watches cautiously as Geralt easily lets Shani look him over. Once she's finished with his body, she examines his head.

"Well," she says at last, "you obviously took a pretty hefty blow to your head, but the good news is it should be simple to reverse the memory loss."

"Good," Geralt says quickly. He spares a glance for Jaskier before turning back to Shani. "What do we have to do?"

"It's simple really, just a shock to your system should do it. I have a friend who can help."

As Shani goes into the details, Jaskier tunes out. He hears something about neurons, but he's more concerned about getting Geralt alone for a couple of minutes before he makes a decision. He loves Geralt, wants nothing more than for him to be happy, so he wants him to go into this knowing everything Jaskier can tell him.

"Can we have a moment Shani?" he asks and Geralt looks at him as Shani nods and ducks out of the room.

"You want to do it?" Jaskier asks and Geralt nods.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You're happier like this," Jaskier whispers, "Geralt, I've never seen you this relaxed. In twenty years, you've always been miserable. I just- I want you to make an informed decision."

"You say you want me to be happy," Geralt says, "but since I told you I didn't know who you were you've been so sad. How is it fair for me to be happy like you say when you're still suffering." He tips Jaskier's chin up with two fingers and looks into his eyes. "What I said before, I wasn't lying. I don't know where all these feelings are coming from but I know you are so important to me."

He pulls up a smile and Jaskier knows how this is going to end. And he'll be happy to have his Geralt back, but know him like this? To know this Geralt wants him, even in some weird, imaginary way? He doesn't know how he'll be able to continue.

"Okay," Jaskier relents. "I just… wanted you to know what you were getting into."

"I'm sure it can't be all bad. I have you."

Jaskier's heart clenches, but he doesn't get another chance to speak because Shani enters the room. Thankfully, Geralt has stopped touching him, but he's still close and she gives Jaskier a look.

"I put out a call to my friend," she says, holding up a box that looks vaguely familiar. "Xenovox," she explains, "Marilla is a mage. She should be here in the morning."

It's late afternoon now, so that means spending another night at the inn and Jaskier is torn. On the one hand, he wants Geralt to be back to normal, but on the other- he's selfish and he wants Geralt like this. He wants so badly to have anything and- no. No, he can't.

Shani leaves them shortly after assuring Jaskier that it will be alright, that Geralt will be fine. He wishes these were better circumstances, that they had come to visit Shani instead of asking for her help, but she waves him off with a smile.

"Come and visit when things are back to normal," she says, "I'll see you in the morning."

Jaskier sees her off and then returns to the room to find Geralt sitting on the edge of the bed, contemplating. He's still shirtless and Jaskier finds it hard to look at him directly. He sits in the bed next to him, hands folded in his lap.

"Well," Geralt says, "we have the night. Things will be different after I get my memory back, right?" He turns, reaching out to cup Jaskier's cheek. "Be with me tonight," he breathes, "just for tonight, let me take care of you while I have the chance."

Jaskier huffs a humourless laugh. "That's the problem, you always have the chance, but you never want to take it."

"Then let me now," he hums and his hand falls to Jaskier's thigh.

And it's so tempting. Because Geralt is right here offering everything he's ever wanted, if only for a night. But this is not the Geralt he fell in love with. This is not truly his Geralt's consent. When Jaskier looks up, it's obvious that Geralt knows his answer before he even speaks.

"I'm an idiot," he says softly, "to not jump at the chance to be with you. If I don't remember tomorrow, I want you to know you're important to me." Jaskier nods weakly, but he can't find the words. "Maybe we should turn in early? We have a long day tomorrow, I think."

Jaskier nods and he lets Geralt pull him down to the bed and tonight, he lets himself be held, curls into Geralt's hold and presses his nose into his neck. He doesn't let himself think, just buries himself in Geralt's scent, so warm and familiar and shuts off his mind.

Jaskier awakes to a knock on the door and realizes he's still in his clothes from yesterday. Geralt answers the door to Shani and Marilla, and Jaskier is only just climbing out of bed when they come into the room. He gets a look from Shani, but if she's feeling any particular kind of way about finding him in Geralt's bed, she doesn't say anything.

The actual process doesn't take any time at all. Marilla comes in and does something to Geralt, what she does is unclear but he falls unconscious and Jaskier panics at first, but Shani holds him back.

"Sorry," she says, "I should have warned you."

Jaskier does his best to make Geralt comfortable in the bed and he leaves with the two women to let him sleep. He thanks Marilla desperately and asks her to stay until he wakes, but she tells him she has other business to attend to and after dipping down to kiss Shani briefly, she disappears down the stairs.

"Friend, huh?" Jaskier asks and Shani smiles at him.

"Don't try to change the subject."

"Actually, can I ask you about something?"

"Of course. Why don't we get a drink, he could be out for a couple of hours."

They head down to the common area and Shani orders them a pair of drinks while Jaskier finds a table out of the way. He's never understood why Geralt likes corner tables, but right now he gets it. He doesn't want anyone to talk to him and he just wants to be able to sit and drink with Shani.

When she returns, she slides his drink across to him and slips into her seat.

"What did you want to ask about?"

"Uh," Jaskier starts, turning his mug in his hands, "when I first took Geralt back to our room, just after he was hurt. He tried to kiss me. He… thought I was bringing him back there to fuck him."

"Oh."

"You don't sound surprised."

"I'm not, really. I'm surprised he acted on it, but-"

"What does that mean?"

"Geralt doesn't have any brain damage," Shani explains, "something just… got knocked loose, so to speak. He was still him, Jaskier. His thoughts, his feelings? That was all him, Jask."

"You're telling me-" abruptly, the memory of Geralt telling him he loved him comes back to him and his mouth goes dry. "You're telling me that was just him?"

"Mmhm. Without all the baggage and self-loathing."

"I don't- he can't- if he wanted me that way, I would know."

"Would you?" Shani asks, "because I think you would be the last person to know. Wait till he wakes up, talk to him."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Shani, for this and for everything."

"Happy to help."

They finish their drinks and Shani heads home. Jaskier thanks her again and promises to visit when things are better and waits until she's gone before heading back up to Geralt's room.

The first thing Geralt knows when he wakes up, is a pain in his head. He blinks awake to find himself in a bed in a nondescript inn. A better look around finds Jaskier asleep in a chair next to him, but he stirs as Geralt sits up and then he's scrambling to pass Geralt a mug of water.

He feels woozy, but Jaskier's presence soothes him; he knows from experience that Jaskier would never let anything happen to him and is willing to risk his own health and safety to assure it. There's no one else he'd rather see upon waking. But he doesn't remember falling asleep. The last thing he remembers is taking a hit and stumbling away from the scene.

"Geralt?" Jaskier asks gently. He looks up and the first thing he notices when he looks at Jaskier is how sad he is. The emotion wafts off of him, but Geralt doesn't need his heightened sense of smell to be able to tell.

"What's wrong?" he mumbles, his voice thick.

"Tell me what you remember. From the start."

Geralt thinks back, going through the events of the hunt, none of which are very interesting until he was thrown into a tree. Water hag, he remembers, chucked mud and blinded him. Then he's stumbling away, all three monsters dead and then- fuck.

His gaze snaps up to Jaskier's face, looking for any sign of recognition, but he remains eerily calm, even as Geralt recollects kissing him, pressing him up against a wall and- fuck, what was he thinking? The more he thinks about it, the more comes back to him, but in bits and pieces.

Kissing him, touching him, pressing up against him in bed. The memories are all foggy, scattered, but they feel too real to have been a dream. But Jaskier shows no signs of being assaulted by him.

"I'm-" he starts, but sorry doesn't feel like it's enough. Jaskier is open with his affections, but he wouldn't be okay with that.

Geralt tries to push himself up, to get out of bed and away from Jaskier because he can't stand the thought of doing something like that. He can't remember why he did, but the more he thinks about it, the more real it feels.

"Geralt," Jaskier says firmly, "I'm not mad. But I think we need to talk if you're up for it."

He doesn't want to talk to Jaskier. He would rather find out from someone else, he can't bear to hear the words from Jaskier. And he knows Shani was there. Shani and another woman who he didn't recognize.

"Where's Shani?" he asks.

"She's gone home, darling. Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?"

Geralt looks up at him and he feels hopeless. Jaskier is exhausted, he can see the bags under his eyes, the dark circles. And he doesn't seem any less sad than he did initially. It doesn't take much to realize what happened.

"I'm sorry," Geralt mumbles, "about what I did- when I kissed you, I-"

Jaskier stops, already halfway toward the door and sighs deeply, stopping in his tracks before turning around.

"Okay," he says, "we're talking about this now, then." He comes back and seats himself on the end of the bed, facing him. "Tell me exactly what you remember, Geralt."

"I remember taking the contract, fighting off the drowners - and a water hag - got mud in my eyes, stumbled and something hit me, threw me into a tree. Probably one of the drowners pushed me. I took them out, started back toward town but I must have passed out, the next thing I remember is-"

"Me."

"Yeah. You took me back to our room, I thought you were- I thought you wanted sex."

"I know, you were fairly adamant about that."

"Fuck. Jaskier I'm sorry-"

"You didn't know who I was. If a handsome stranger took me back to his room, I'd think the same. When you didn't know who I was I was… terrified. I didn't know if I'd get you back." They're both silent for a moment and then Jaskier prompts him to continue.

"I remember that. I remember talking to you," he lowers his eyes, "I told you I loved you, I don't know why." Immediately Jaskier's sadness intensifies and he catches it in the twitch of his lip, the way he glances away.

"You asked if I was in love with you," Jaskier explains, "and told me you loved me. What else do you remember?"

"I remember asking you to- suggesting we- I propositioned you. And I remember being in bed- Jaskier, did we-?" He can't imagine anything worse than sleeping with Jaskier while he's not himself, than having the chance to be with him and not truly being present in the moment.

Because he certainly won't have another chance, especially not now that he's gone and muddled things up.

"No," Jaskier confirms and for the first time a small smile tugs at his lips, "not that you didn't try. But It didn't feel right. I knew when you had your memories back, you'd hate me for it and I couldn't-"

"I could never hate you," Geralt interrupts, "if anything I'd hate myself for pushing you into it."

"No," Jaskier says, shaking his head, "Geralt you don't understand. I wanted to. I wanted so badly to just say yes last night when you asked me. I tried to work it around in some way that you wouldn't hate me for taking advantage, but every time I just feel terrible to even think about it. The reason I didn't sleep with you is because I couldn't bear the thought of fucking you when it wasn't really you. Because I didn't want him, even if he was you. I wanted- I want this you."

"You do," Geralt snorts, "someone who throws himself at his friend because he doesn't remember, someone who tells him he loves him unprompted-"

"Do you think," Jaskier suggests, and it's clear by the look on his face that he's considering his words very carefully. "That maybe what you said to me and what you did- what you offered," he corrects quickly, "was because you do have feelings for me?" His voice shakes just faintly and Geralt can smell the anxiousness coming off of him.

It's cloying, overwhelming and it mingles with the scent of sadness and fear and just the faintest hint of something hopeful.

"It's just that Shani said there was nothing wrong with your mind, it was still you in there when you asked, when you said that." Jaskier looks up at him and Geralt feels years of emotion welling up inside him and he doesn't know how to hold it back any longer, not what Jaskier is asking him outright.

"Jaskier, I-" he takes a deep breath, focuses on a mark on the blanket between them. "I don't remember everything. But I did mean what I said. I do… I love you," he whispers, "I didn't want you to think less of me or," he glances up and Jaskier's eyes are shiny like he's trying not to cry. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to find out like this."

"I'm not sad," Jaskier says, "Geralt, I have been following you around for half my life, caring for you, singing about you and you didn't think for maybe a moment that I could love you back?"

"You-" Geralt stumbles over his words as Jaskier's confession sinks in. "You sleep with everyone. Everyone but-"

"You don't even call me friend, Geralt. Why would I try and take you to bed with me thinking you don't care enough to call me your friend?"

"Oh."

"Oh? You didn't consider that?"

"You're not my friend," Geralt says, by way of explanation, "but you're not a lover, either. You're not a brother. Not a comrade. I don't know what you are."

"Oh."

"But you could be… a lover?" the word feels strangely heavy in his mouth and he nearly regrets saying it at all until he sees the way Jaskier's eyes light up. A smile tugs at Geralt's lips and he leans forward, reaching out to take Jaskier's hand, tentatively turning it over.

"Jaskier," he whispers, "can I kiss you?" A wide grin spreads across his face and Jaskier tips forward toward him.

"Darling, I thought you'd never ask."

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[dreamkidddream]

Hiya~ Can I request quote 9) "Are you jealous?" for Lucifer in Obey Me! pretty please😊

This was so much fun to write! Luci know that he gets jealous but never wants to admit (his jealousy is worse than Mammon but you didn’t hear it from me 🤭) and sorry this got kinda long! Reader is gender neutral!

TW: suggestive/spicy themes, but nothing extremely graphic is mentioned

Prompt: “Are you jealous?” with Lucifer!

Lucifer is pissed.

He’s tapping his foot, and constantly checking his phone, waiting in his study for you to either walk in or call him. It’s late, and you’re still not home yet. He asked his brothers where exactly you are, and when Asmo told him that you’re out with the same “friend” you seem to blow all of them off for some time now, it just makes his mood turn even more sour, the scowl on his face deepening.

Now, Lucifer is not opposed to you making friends, as long as they aren’t a threat to you, his family, Lord Diavolo and the other exchange students. He understands that it’s very easy for you to connect with others, intentional or not, and he encourages it to a certain extent. However, this same “friend” that you’ve been increasingly been hanging out with for the past couple of weeks is starting to rub him the wrong way. Of course he’s met this “friend”, a classmate from your Seductive Speechcraft class (which just made him feel more unease with you being with them), and they seemed harmless enough (for a demon at least). Annoying, but harmless, at first.

Then began the constant need for your attention.

It started with the messages and calls under the guise of studying, the “innocent” demon begging you for help so that they can pass the class, and you being the naive nice human that you are of course obliged their request. Then it escalated from once a week, to three times a week, to almost staying after school every day just to “help”. He didn’t like that, as it’s him or his brothers that always walk you home every time, and this demon (who he found is Yuki, a demon who feeds off of sexual energy nonetheless), is messing with the routine, but he kept his cool and forced his brothers to do the same. He- They weren’t happy about this, but at the end of the day, you’re still coming home to him- them, and nothing is changing that. Not to mention how he made sure that someone had their eyes on you, whether it’s Mammon, Beel, or even himself (which he preferred).

Until Yuki decided that you need to hang out more, without him or his brothers.

That’s when he made it known of his dislike towards them, and dislike is putting it lightly.

You started to come home right at dinner, right before Beel devoured your plate. Mammon obviously voiced his displeasure aloud, with the others silently agreeing or making passing comments, but Lucifer would just shut the conversation down before anyone gets too upset, mainly for himself. He doesn’t want to lose control over something trivial like this, he can’t, he won’t- he’s well above some minuscule pest like them, and it would be a waste of time and energy to be worried about someone who is clearly below him!

He’s already irritated with Yuki integrating themselves into your everyday life, but he’s also trying to fight the increasing sinking feeling in his stomach the more you both bond.

The more you two become more than acquainted with one another, the more Lucifer tries to fight and hide this feeling. He buries himself in more paperwork, practically locks himself in his study, avoids anyone’s questions or concerns, and has become overall snappier than usual. He’s even snapped on Lord Diavolo, Lord Diavolo of all people!

(Granted Diavolo just thought it was overall stress, so he just simply laughed it off, but it didn’t go unnoticed by everyone, including you).

Now Lucifer is not stupid, he’s a very intelligent and powerful demon, and he doesn’t have to say it to be known. He made sure to do some research himself on Yuki, and didn’t put anything past them. You’re still surrounded by demons who wouldn’t hesitate to swallow you whole if allowed, and some are still desperate enough to try anything, so he’s very cautious with others being around you.

Which leads to now, you being out again with that demon at The Fall. Ever since, Lucifer retired to his study, constantly checking his phone for any updates. He refused to look distressed in front of everyone, and he knows that you’re smart and not so gullible, you’ll be okay, you had to be.

It’s well going on 1 in the morning, and you still haven’t answered any of his calls and texts? You swore that you would always answer him, so something had to happen. What exactly were you doing? What exactly were you two doing? We’re you okay? Are you safe? Has that Yuki tried anything with you?

Were you two doing anything now?

All of these questions swirling around in his head, his worry only adding on to his frustrations and building tension going through his body.

He already marched down to the door, coat forgotten and tie undone, flinging it open and scowl so deep that his fangs were bared. That Yuki better hope that you come home in one piece and spotless, or else he will make sure that they regret being alive-

He couldn’t wipe the surprised look on his face when he made eye contact with you, who was matching his own expression, hand frozen in the air mid knock.

“Lucifer? What are you still doing up? Are you about to go somewhere?” His expression quickly morphed to one of high distaste, the irritation displaying clearly on his face and his grip tightening on the door.

“I was still awake waiting for you. Have you forgotten how to use a phone, or are you too good for one now that you’re with your ‘friend’. And I remember specifically telling you to let me know when you leave, did I not?”

“Oh. Well...my phone kinda died, but I was already on the way home and-”

“By yourself?! Do you know how irresponsible that is? Do you forget that you’re a mere human?”

His irritation is rising to pure anger at this revelation. So that demon didn’t even have the decency to walk you home? To make sure that you arrive safe? And yet you still have the nerve to spend time with them and practically ignore him?!-

“Well- um, Lucifer? Lucifer!”

He snapped out of his murderous thoughts, and stepped aside to let you in.

“Come inside now, it’s late, and we have much to discuss.”

Your face scrunched up, showing confusion in how he’s acting. You know that’s he mad about your phone being dead, but he’s mad enough to leave the door barely hanging on its hinges? But you knew that arguing or pointing it out would just make things escalate, so you just stepped past and began to make your way up the stairs.

You can feel his eyes bore into the back of your head, but you just didn’t understand why. It’s about more than just your phone, it seemed like he’s been on edge for awhile now. You want to approach him, to ask him what’s wrong, to have him open up, but of course Lucifer being Lucifer, it was to no avail.

You racked your brain as he lead you to his room and began the “conversation” about how irresponsible you were being (really it’s just him getting whatever he needed off his chest and not you giving any input). Was it because of you going out so late? No, you didn’t drink, you and Yuki stayed together the whole night, and you let him know hours before. Was it Yuki? Now that you’re think about it, he has been frowning more it seemed like every time you brought up their name-

The pieces are starting to fit together now.

Oh my Diavolo.

You couldn’t stop the words escaping from your mouth before you could realize it.

“Lucifer, are you jealous?”

He choked in the middle of his sentence, and the room went quiet. You’re pretty sure that you can’t even hear him breathing, and his face just went entirely blank, no expression whatsoever.

Oh no, you broke him-

A gust of wind erupted, so strong that you had to shield your eyes for a second, and when you removed your arm, you were met with massive black wings and a very enraged demon.

“Excuse me?”

You stepped back until you stumbled onto the bed, as he stalks closer and closer to you.

“Care to repeat yourself?”

You knew better than to respond, and you felt frozen on the bed. You also know that Lucifer won’t attack or try to kill you, but it didn’t take away from the fact that he has moments where he’s very intimidating, one of those moments being now.

He’s looking down at you like a predator would to its captured prey, his ruby eyes glowing deviously in the dim room. He didn’t stop moving until he was on top of you, caging you in.

“Me? Jealous?” He scoffed. “I am the Avatar of Pride, the most powerful being in this house, yet you assume that I’m jealous of a demon that’s beneath me? You insult me, MC.”

He took hold of your chin, “Do you not remember what I said when we made the pact? You are mine and mine alone. Not anyone else’s, but mine.”

You felt like your nerves were getting the best of you, but you couldn’t force yourself to tear away as he leaned closer. He sealed his lips against yours in a heated kiss, one that you gladly accepted, not before uttering the words that made your heart race even faster.

“Maybe I should remind you of who you belong to, hm?”

—-

“Had a fun night, MC?”

“Yeah, it was”, you coughed in your hand. “Very nice, very fun. We had a great time.”

“Hmmmmm...you and Yuki or you and Lucifer?”

“Asmo!”

He giggled, “I’m just saying dear. I don’t sense the pent-up sexual frustration from Lucifer anymore, and he seems back to normal and even relaxed. Though I must say MC, I wish that you had spent the night in my bed instead.”

“Of course you do Asmo.”

“Besides, I would have covered your hickeys much better-”

“ASMO-”

“MC, are you ready?”

Speak of the devil and he shall appear has never been more true than now, as Lucifer appeared behind you both, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“Huh? Oh, yes, sorry.”

“Eh? Where are you two going?”

“Out.”

“And without me?!”

“Yes. Now, leave us be”. Lucifer moved his hand from your shoulder to your own hand, leading you both out the door. You two had plans for the day after the...eye-opening talk from last night, and he didn’t want to waste anymore time than he already had.

Bonus:

Asmo waited until he heard the door click, and then quickly whipped out his D.D.D. to text Yuki. He knew that the plan was going to be a success! A tense Lucifer made things more difficult for everyone, and he has too much pride to open his mouth so he decided to step in and team up with Yuki, who already knew about the whole ordeal.

Lucifer was already on the edge of snapping and letting his primal instincts take over anyway, so Asmo just gave him a little push in the right direction.

Thank Diavolo the plan worked, or else it would be hell for them both. He did owe Yuki some exposure on his socials in exchange for this and backing off of you now, but it was well worth the trouble.

[wornoutmouse]

Yandere Tanjiro

Manipulation

Everytime I write salty sweet I think of peanut m&m's

Shout out to all my big areola having ass hoes. Pizza platter with the thick marshmallow tall nipples

You were so obvious and you didn't even realize it. Tanjiro doesn't blame you, many people forget how great his sense of smell was. So in the end he found it amusing when your scent would change to arousal and adoration whenever he was around you. In fact it entertained him

At first he thought it was misplaced, you couldn't feel such a thing towards him, that wasn't in your character. But all of his tests gave fruitful results. As he watched you from an unnoticeable distance He was able to confirm that no one ever made your scent change into any romantic auras. Not with Inosuke or Zenitsu. He even tried to see if you had feelings for Nezuko, she was always around him. But once again there was no change.

Even after finding out, he didn't care about this discovery. It wasn't the first time a woman or man alike has had an attraction to him. He knew he was handsome and everyone loves a kind soul. But your feelings weren't going to get him closer to his goal or keep you alive in the long run so he did not address it. That doesn't mean he didn't use it to his advantage though. On many occasions, he'd find himself teasing you subtly about your crush often.

Harmless grazes along your skin, being more extravagant when he fought with Inosuke. A few times he even waited around shirtless just to see you look away from him to hide your embarrassment. The sticky sharp smell that emanated from your body clung to your skin like a cologne. Tanjiro would even say that the smell gave him a bit of a high whenever it would fluctuate from the things he did. 

Getting real close to you with a neutral face to make the arousal spark before committing a distracting act of kindness to make the soft smell of adoration and content swirl and mix into your aura. It was fun for him, almost like a game, and soon it became a routine way of life. After defeating a demon and the buzz of adrenaline dies down, you'd go right back to your bumbling self.

But then like everything Tanjiro has had in life, it is interrupted.

It happened right after you all just barely made it out of fighting the spider family. You and the others were relocated to the infirmary while Tanjiro was put on trial. He was already agitated when Sanemi pushed his filthy sword through Nezuko's flesh. So in an effort to calm himself, he decided that a little bit of teasing would help boost his mood. 

When he finally ran across you again, you were lying in your own room resting. But not alone, one of the Hashira, Uzui Tengen sat by your side telling you stories of his battles and cracking jokes.

This would be fine normally, but the scent emanating from you was annoyingly familiar. You didn't even look at Tanjiro when he walked in and had a genuine look and scent of surprise when you noticed him. "Oh Kamado, what are you doing here?" Your scent still had its tinge of attraction but it had significantly lessened, not by much but enough to annoy him. 

Tengen excused himself when he noticed his presence adding a head pat as he walked past the shorter male. For a moment Tanjiro lost focus and concern invaded your aura as you watched his face contort into one of disgust and unbridled rage. 

Kamado, Since when did you call me that? Why are you giving your attention to a Hashira? What, am I not good enough for you anymore now that you found someone stronger. 

Tanjiro never took you for the power-hungry type, you can't be. No that's not it, Tanjiro adjusts his face again to one of a content smile. "Are you okay?" 

No, you weren't trying to abandon him on purpose. It's his fault partially, he doesn't blame you, his poor sweet naive Y/n. It's understandable that after ignoring your feelings for so long you'd try to move on and save yourself from the pain. But now it was okay, cause Tanjiro would fix it, he'd accept you, cause he was all you needed. "I'm okay, I broke my ankle and wrists." You raise said appendages to the best of your ability to show off your bandages.  

For a second a dark thought crosses Tanjiro's mind. How weak you and flimsy you were,  how easy it would be for one to take advantage of you at this moment. That's why you needed him to protect you. Someone so easy to break and seduce shouldn't be on their own. That's why Tanjiro would accept you, so you could stay close. For your own good.. All you had to give him was your attention and being. 

Tanjiro sighed but for a different reason than you would ever know. If only he could put you in a box too.

B "Luckily I'm not as badly hurt like the rest of you." Tanjiro sat at your side and picked up your limp hands. "I don't know what I would have done if something were to happen to you." A small smile spreads across your face, "You would never lose us Tanjiro, Inosuke would definitely be hard to bring down." 

The attempt to make a joke is invaded as Tanjiro cups your cheek. Rough battle-worn fingertips graze your lips. Tanjiro gazes at them as he speaks, his bottom lip worried by his teeth as his other hand ghosts over your bandaged wounds. It was a perfect performance. One that replicated the emotion of one who wants to make a move but holding themselves back. One that you effortlessly believed. "You don't understand, I don't want to lose you."

Tanjiro stands up and walks towards your door. Just before opening it, he turns with a doleful look on his face. "Rest up okay?" You nod quickly. Lips puckered into an O of surprise. Tanjiro closed the door, his demeanor doing a complete 180. His gaze was calculated and precise. Tanjiro had planted a seed of conflict, and all he had to do was wait till tomorrow to sow it.

You woke up bright and early the next day, wrists sore but thankfully no longer numb. Unthankfully, you were bedridden until your ankle has healed itself correctly. Sitting alone in the dark with nothing but your thoughts was a dreadful way to spend time. However, you didn't want to disturb your friends. "Their life does not revolve around me." Getting sleep was an inviting solution.

A light tap on your door shifts your goal ever so slightly. "Come in!" You try not to look deflated when only a Kakushi boy comes in with a pail of water and new bandage wraps. 

Similarly, Tanjiro was helping around the state trending to his friends. Inosuke was being difficult as usual,  only wanting the springer to fetch him water and tea to feed his sore throat. On multiple occasions, he had to dissuade Zenitsu from trying to propose to random Kakushi women that would help clean his wounds but in the end, it was futile as he returned his infatuation to Nezuko who wistfully stayed in their shared room asleep.

By the time Tanjiro got any time to himself, the evening sun was already setting and most had retired to their own rooms. Heading to your room, Tanjiro thought of ways to get you to succumb faster to his advances. The sound of a door opening made his gaze shift abruptly. His vibrant brown eyes dulled when he saw a Kakushi boy leaving your room again. 

Entering your room was almost as if a joyous bomb had gone off. The smell of happiness was so strong it almost stinked. You didn't notice Tanjiro's soured mood as you observed your room. "He taught me how to make paper butterflies and put them on my ceilings, what do you think?!" He had indeed taught you Tanjiro mused as many of the butterflies had deformed wings of all sorts. "So what brings you here.?" Tanjiro looks back at you with a soft smile. "I just wanted the check-in on you, you must have been bored being cooped up in the room alone all day."

You shook your head, "No Kocho was here with me all day!" Tanjiro bit his tongue but maintained his smile, "Who's Kocho?" You laughed, "The Kakushi boy that just left. He had originally come just to change my wounds but then we got so interested in each other that he never left." With a blissful sigh, you tilt your head and murmur, "I hope he doesn't get into any trouble on the way back." 

Tanjiro is on you in a second, wrists held haphazardly above your head drawing slight sharp pains to your inner elbow. "Tanjiro?" His eyes observe the dark bruises swirling underneath your bandages, your hair slightly matted and in disarray, since you were the only one who knew how to do it. "You're so soft…" Having no reason to leave your room you had remained only partially dressed as a large kimono hung around your figure. Your chest easily being exposed by unnatural movements. "T-Tanjiro?" 

The boy hummed, leaning down to press a slow kiss on your brown nipple. "Say my name again.." You're taken aback by the sudden boldness and the warm feeling on your breast. "Tanjiro, what are you doing?!" He could feel himself becoming harder underneath his robe. Even though he said he was only indulging your crush to keep you near, he couldn't help but notice how sweet your skin tasted underneath his lips. "One more time, say it once again." Tanjiro begins to grind on the leg trapped in between his. He uses his other hand to cup your other boob before biting down on your nipple making you gasp. "Tanjiro!"

Your smell begins to become more lucid and tender at your arousal peaks through the haze. Your moans get airy and each time you say his name it turns more and more into gasps. Tanjiro squeezes down on your chest before traveling to your neck where his teeth sink into the flesh there. You ground yourself by holding onto his wrists. 

Tanjiro peels himself away from you as you go pliant underneath him. ‘This wasn’t the plan.’ Tanjiro removes his robe from around his shoulders exposing his tan skin. He couldn’t focus past your addicting scent and you couldn’t focus past the feeling of his hands fondling your chest. The belt of your kimono is quickly unraveled, “Look at you.”

Tanjiro pulls your undergarments off exposing your body completely. Through the fabric of his robe he thrusts shallowly against your pussy. The fabric rubs against your clit on every thrust. Both sides of the robe are becoming damp. "I haven't even touched you yet and you're already so wet." The smell of sweat and sex floods Tanjiro's nostrils making him more sensitive.

He unwraps his robe the rest of the way, tossing it elsewhere to leave himself completely exposed. Tanjiro felt a sense of pride as he watched your eyes trail over his muscled form. He wasn't buff by any means, but his training in agility and swordsmanship made his body lean and bulked in his arms and legs. "Only look at me."

You let out a surprised gasp when delicately firm hands drag your body down by your calf. Tanjiro uses his fingers to push the skin of your pussy up to force your clit to peek through. His other hand holds the base of his cock and he swirls the tip around your clit. "Tanjiro please, I'm begging you!" 

For a split second a look of unaltered disdain crosses his face before a more loving one takes over. "Your face is so cute, it almost makes me want to tease you more." Yes, that's it, play the part of a doting lover. You flinch the further his cock is pushed into you. Your bodies combine into a pulsating rhythm of jealousy and lust.

You squeeze snuggly around Tanjiro's and he sets a quick pace. Your legs try to curl to your chest but are stopped by Tanjiro's own body cornering you to the wood floor. Tanjiro steadies his breathing on every thrusts until his strokes are as smooth as the water he drinks. Slopping sounds and your pitiful cries equalize around the room. 

Tanjiro knew these walls were thin, in fact he was betting on it. "Y-You're so loud Y/n." You close your mouth at the tease but it doesn't work. Just as you go to cover your mouth you're stopped by a hand and a loving smile, "Dont, I like hearing you feel good." 

You cum, barely suppressing your sounds, hips twitching when Tanjiro cums inside right after you. An unnecessary act but one that could ensure even greater attachment if your body accepted him. 

Expertly playing the role Tanjiro cleans you up with an ever content smile on his face, this time genuine. "You should get some sleep, you'll be more sore than you were this morning." Tanjiro puts his hand on the know before flinching when you call out to him. "Tanjiro?" He doesn't turn around unwilling to force another smile. "Yes?" He can smell your apprehension as it covers the smell of sex. 

"I know its stupid to ask this but could you give me another kiss?" Tanjiro sighs silently, "Of course!" He forces his persona for the last time tonight and heads towards your bed. Halfway there he stops.

L

"Promise me you'll only look at me from now on." You smile giddily, "You're so weird Tanjiro of course I'll only love you." Tanjiro frowns and you fail to notice the space between the two of you growing smaller. "No, that's not good enough. I don't want to see you near that damn Hashira again." And then it happens. It only takes a split second before Tanjiro's face is in front of yours and the cold kiss of his blade presses against your neck.

"You wouldn't want something to happen would you?" You shake your head as he knew you would, "Good girl." Tanjiro has no care for the shocked tears gathering behind your lashes. Greedily he cups the back of your head and forces you into a kiss. All teeth pure spite as he swaps saliva with you. 

"There's your kiss." Without having to pretend any longer he drops his smile. The sinister complex of a perceived hero shining through dark eyes. He looks you up and down once again, fingers tapping along his blackened blade before taking his leave.

[yanderesimps]

Destined torture

Yandere Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

(Warnings: Unrequited love, forced relationships, forced intimacy, angst, obsession, soulmates AU)

❁-----------------------------------------------❁

It wasn't easy to avoid the blonde when you're the childhood friend of one of his main targets for bullying. Izuku Midoriya, the boy from across the street with a somewhat concerning all might addiction.

You two met in the park one day, stumbling over as you loomed over the greed haired boy as he played in the sandpit. The two of you had sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, always keeping about a meters distance between yourselves as you eyed each other quietly as shy children do.

Until you mumbled about how you liked his all might action figures and his eyes lit up like the night sky, filled with unimaginable excitement. It had all gone up from there of course but now instead you'd both graduated from harmless kiddies to slightly less harmless adolescents.

That of course meant that you had the pleasure to often have deal with the rampaging temper and relentless bullying of a certain Katsuki Bakugou. That wasn't to say that he'd always be such a brat, only ever giving you the brunt of his lashings when he would spy you with Izuku in the school halls.

For years he mercilessly hassled Izuku and it had only ever gotten worse when your classmates had begun to develop their quirks. Izuku, much to his dismay, had to face the bitter truth that he was indeed quickless.

You were almost afraid that your quick would've widened the divide between you two but it somehow in a weird way brought you two even closer if they was humanly possible. By all means, your quick wasn't flashy and explosive like Bakugou's but it had been noteworthy, nothing that get you into UA but respective nevertheless.

When Bakugou would begin his precise schedule of tormenting Izuku, you were steadfast in defending your best friend much to Bakugou's annoyance.

But when you spied Bakugou in the halls today, you'd expected the worst. Your lips twisted into a blatent frown which could make even Endeavour's fire run cold.

Bakugou approached, his hands shoved into his baggy trouser as he stood in front of you, his delinquent friend thankfully no where to be seen. You two stood in raging silence that seemed to ring louder in your ears that your thoughts of contempt for the boy in front of you.

Pulling a hand out of his trousers, you almost expected a bloody nose but soon found yourself staring at a crinkled envelope. You stared at the letter for a few moments before darting your unimpressed glare back to meet the red pupils that stated right back at you.

"Is this a new tecnique? Come to defeat me through the power of paper cuts?" You tittered, resisting the growing earge to swat the paper from his hand.

The blonde clicked his tongue at your sarcasm, thrusting the letter closer to you. "It's an invitation, dumbass, my birthday is next week and the hag made me give you this since she thinks we're friends or whatever"

"Oh my goodness! Why didn't you just say so? I'll make sure to put this in my files, right in the "remember to burn" section" You sang in fake glee, your mocking joyful expression soon falling back into its usual scowl when in the company of the blonde.

Bakugou's eye seemed to twitch slightly at your works and you could practically smell the caremel scent in the air heating up. Surprising, he didn't even say anything and simply turned on his heel to leave. "Well that was...boring" you said with almost a huff. In the past, making bakugou angry was something you actively avoided like the plague but now? It was nothing more than a fun family activity.

So when you didn't feel the flesh of your cheeks burning from 3rd degree burns it was nothing less than a shock. You could almost felt the bright heavens radiating down upon you. Had katsuki bakugou finally developed an actual personality that didn't involve being a dick?

Of course not.

But that still didn't explain why he was inviting you to a fucking birthday party.

It practically struck you like a brick when you realised what this meant.

Bakugou was now one year older

It was the day that everyone seemed to yern for. The day of the mark. A mark that would tell you the name of your soulmate. A mark that would appear on your 16th birthday.

It was bakugou's birthday.

He was turning 16 in one week.

And all that was just more gloating material.

There were quickless people which was bad enough. If you were quickless, you were seen as weaker, lesser and not normal but having no soul mark? It was practically a death sentence. You were seen as unlovable, unlikeable and unwanted. You were abnormal and disgusting. And ever since a certain blonde had developed a knat for explosions and Izuku hadn't, never having a soulmark was the first bullet in Katsuki's rifle when it came to his conquest of making Izuku's life a living nightmare.

And now for the next few months until your birthday it was all you two were going to hear about.

Heaven's gates swung closed right then and there and the pits of hell threatened to swallow you right there.

"Y/n"

You suddenly snapped out of your inner dialogue to see Deku approaching you with a slightly worried expression. Perhaps you'd been spending too much time standing silently while imagine your future months of torment from bakugou.

You pulled an eneasy grin and rubbed the back of your neck nervously. "No it's fine! Just fine!"

The boys face lit up with his classic smile that made your own heart warm. "great! Wanna get lunch then?" Clasping his arm you nodded with a stark grin. "Let go. I'm starving"

....

...

..

"What's you favorite type of coffin, Izuku?"

_______

There was no amount of pleading that would have gotten you out of this situation, no matter how hard you pleaded to your mother. She didn't even care that your funeral would be expensive.

So now here you were.

In a dress.

Your hair dolled up.

Make-up.

Planning out your 13th reason why.

Standing outside bakugou's home with a present clasped in your hands, the decently loud chatter within taughting you like the drums of War but then again you were practically about to dive into the trenches.

Your numb finger pressed the doorbell, your heart seemed to stutter at the sound of a nearing voice.

"Katsuki! Open your presents later!!" screeched a voice of whom you could only assume was miss Bakugou. The door opened the woman in front of you visable brightened as she glowed down upon you.

"Y/n, what a pleasant surprise, get in here! Katsuki's in the back garden" The woman's mood had practically done a full 180° at a mere glance of your slightly shaky form. "I'll take that, now go in and have fun with the others" She hummed with a wild smile as she took the neatly wrapped present from your sweaty palms. You merely nodded in response, finding that your throat had closed in on itself making it impossible to even swallow down your initial fear.

You could hear the distant cheering, chatting and occasional parent's voice as you walked further into the house, closer to the clear glass slide door that revealed the decoration littered back garden.

There only kids you could see were the possy that would always surround the blonde haired boy, the occasional guy you'd know from class and almost ever girl that would drop to their knees in the hope of katsuki bakugou noticing them.

Most never glanced at you, some glared at you in disgust but one particular pair of red eyes were fixated on you the moment you stepped in the garden.

You nearly cried tears of joy that the make up had taken so long since it seemed you'd actually missed the majority of the festivities. "In and out. This'll all be over soon" You hummed, trying to pathetically console yourself.

You'd made a beeline for the corner with the least amount of people, seating yourself on a lawn chair before quickly pulling out your phone, ideally hoping that you'd allowed to spend the next hour just lazily scrolling through your phone before grabbing a slice of cake and leaving.

Sadly, that wasn't what fate had instore. You looked up from your phone screen as a shadow suddenly loomed over you. "What? Not even gonna give me a happy birthday" Bakugou sneered, glaring down at you. Your own expression twisted into the perfect rendition of what the word "hatred" meant. Your eyes narrowed, your nose crumpled and lips fell into a neat frown. "I'm sure you'll find a way to survive without my half heart congratulations"

The boy above you nearly smiled at your words as he clicked his tounge and sat on the chair next to you. "Not even curious to find out who my soulmate is?" You raised and eyebrow but your expression remained the same. You took a mere glance at his wrist, only to see it covered before returning your gaze. That seemed to satisfy the boy in front of you as his grin widened visably.

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm just praying for the poor soul that is destined to be with you for the rest of their days"

Bakugou just laughed and then left, leaving you in a puddle of confusion. He should've already gotten his soul mark, so why wasn't he parading it around like he did with everything?

You didn't give it another though, returning to your phone for the next while and brushing off the unsettling feeling the crawled up your spine.

__________

It wasn't surprising that they waited for the big reveal after bakugou had blown out his candles. You were just mildly aggrivated that such torture was continously being forced upon you rather than just letting you go home.

Everyone had crowded around the table where the cake sat. You, for some reason, found yourself stood at the corner of the table nearest to bakugou who stood in the center alone as the other surrounded the other sides.

Ms Bakugou had placed a hand on your shoulder and who you looked up to ask her why she was so clingy, she merely silenced you with a toothy smile.

She seemed to be excited about something.

Everyone had begun a countdown as katsuki raised his hand to everyone, lightly gripping his sleeve that hid the name of his future beloved.

You simply joined in hopes that the scene would go by faster, you didn't even look when he pulled down the arm of his jacket. You only notice the silence that followed after.

Then you noticed the eyes burrowed upon you.

The tightening grip on your shoulder.

Bakugou's glare.

How he was lightly smiling.

Then you noticed your first name neatly written into the flesh of his wrist.

The world seemed to slow then it had all soon went by like a blur just like you. Reality seemed to slip away at the seems and all you could do was slightly nod at the voices of congratulations and bright smiles of bakugou's parents. Disoriented, eyes pickled with tears as your dry throat struggled to find words.

Why was Katsuki still smiling?

__________

You'd been branded that day.

"Katsuki's girl"

Always finding a firery arm latched around your waist or shoulders as you were paraded down that halls like a spectacle for the ages.

You weren't allowed to speak to Izuku anymore or any guy for that matter. It wasn't like any of them risked their necks to talk to you anyway ever since Katsuki claimed you, broadcasting his mark like a trophy, a fitting collar that was locked around your neck.

You found yourself seated with the popular girl at every lunch when Katsuki didn't cling to you, people who you once years to be next to and chat with. Now it just felt empty. Empty conversation. Empty smiles. Empty happiness.

You would sometimes catch Izuku's eye in the hallways as a river of words went unsaid between you two. Then katsuki would tell him to "fuck off" before dragging you to class.

Life wasn't fun anymore. It wasn't even livable.

You barely realised how the month passed and your birthday was right around the corner. In fact, it was tomorrow.

"We'll have matching pairs then-? Hey, idiot, you listening to me?"

"Yes, Katsuki"

"good. I would hate to think you were ignoring me again" His palm gripped your chin like a face, tilting your head before he smashed his wet lips to yours. It was clumsy. It made you feel disgusting.

A hand sorely gripped your thigh, snaking up the helm of your school skirt. You didn't even bother to swat him away there days when he got handsy. It just encouraged him more to discipline you.

"I'll make sure to get you a great present, you'll love it" You knew what he meant by that, it made your heart drop and stomach threaten to heave.

Bakugou soon got up to leave with a group of his friends, leaving you to wallow in you own desperation. You glanced at your wrist. Katsuki had been baring down upon it every day to see if there was even an inclination that his name was appearing.

In reality it didn't really matter, it was just gloating privileges for him now, a way of bragging that you two were destined and you would be hs fine piece of ass for life.

You stroked the reddened skin, it had been sore lately.

"please..."

"Please...anyones name...just as long as its not his"

__________

"Come on, Y/n!"

"Show us!"

"Its obvious what it is gonna say"

You didn't even bother to check what your wrist said when you woke up this morning. Katsuki made you promise that you wouldn't and that you would wait for school.

So here you were, seated in the cafeteria with the majority of the class surrounding you a Katsuki. You could practically feel the pride radiating from him right now.

"go ahead, babe, show em"

And so you did, jutting out your arm and revealing the name to all around.

It was silent again. You expected squeals of jealously, congrats and awe.

Silence. It was louder than any sound imaginable at that moment .

You looked up from where your listless glare had fallen onto your lap to the wide eyes all baring down upon you.

"Oh...hard...luck, Bakugou"

Your eyes fell to your wrist.

"Izuku"

Perhaps fate wasn't so cruel after all.