#as well as bipolar ppl

[bpdstevenuniverse]

// TRIGGER WARNING - hospitalization

i know that there are many, many different disabilities that manifest in unique ways, but i think the worst sensation i had while i was in a psych ward + in the partial hospitalization program was that i felt like i was still the "crazy" one in places that were supposed to make me feel less alone.

[thevirgodoll]

what ever happened to diaries? why did everyone stop documenting their feelings? i personally think this is how everyone ended up repressing emotions and unable to process them. a diary really keeps me sane and has always been a key part of my healing process. i can write silly goofy things without feeling judged by anyone, and without having to explain it to anyone. i can keep a record of what's been going on and reflect on it later to see if anything has changed. and, every single time, something has changed. my perspective expands. my heart swells for what i felt in the past. it's like a love letter to myself. my dreams, my goals, my heartaches, my joys, it's all there in one place. highly recommend fr.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[blackmoldmp3]

w multiple health professionals telling me dental issues can cause long term damage to your heart etc it seems so fucked up that in a country with 'universal' healthcare im still stuck paying thousands of dollars getting this shit taken care of. even w some amount of private dental insurance

[binders-and-beanies]

It’s become like somewhat normalized to reach out to friends abt feeling depressed (not that thats ever super comfortable or encouraged) but on the flip side idk how to be like hey guys I’ve been manic for a minute so pls be patient w me. Like idk what kinda support i would want if any and i barely even know how to address it w people in my life unless something like happens™️. Bc if it’s not like somber and serious then it comes off as “haha don’t mind me I’m manic 🤪” and i can’t stress enough I am genuinely so actually bipolar and having an episode

[scoups4lyfe]

Ahahahahaha

sorry for the radio silence y’all.

I said I thought I was stabilizing from my episode and 🔥😌🔥 —evidently, I clowned myself.

I blacked out yesterday and honestly—I really don’t remember fvckin anything really.

I remember answering asks and what not but everything else is such a blur I literally could not tell you what I spent like 16 hours doing yesterday

(seeing as I went to sleep at 7AM LOL.)

Even today has kind of been a blur — I slept maybe 4 to 5 hours and got up almost exactly at noon and

✨????✨

It’s 8:00 PM now — lol! Honestly I’m not the only one clowning around tho 👾.

Ironically enough DPR Ian has been rapid cycling as well and like a day and a half ago he was also like “yeah, so I think I’m good now.”

And well. 🤝🤝🤝🤝 w/ me cuz based on his insta posts he’s also still

Going Through It (TM)

🤝🤝🤝

Like, yeah mood.

(Lmao)

[imaginarymen]

Every night I bribe the weird growling fiend in my brain with mood stabilizers so he doesn’t wreak any more havoc

[faiiryteethh]

Trigger Warning: Rare Illness/Health Issues [wasn't sure if this need a tw but these topics make some ppl uncomfy so i wanted to be considerate anyway💜]

so a lot of ppl have been asking me why i don't post pics anymore or why i have barely been on social media compared to how i used to be. and the reason is i've been having severe health issues for a very long time. i can't even remember the last time i went more than a month without feeling nauseous, or actually throwing up, or just having headaches and stomach pain that are so bad i can barely tolerate them.

i've known for a while that i have gastritis, but my mom & my bf convinced me to go to a new doctor for a second opinion. after months & months of pure agony and feeling exhausted and sick to the point where i have no energy, i finally know why. i went to a specialist and discovered i have a rare illness called CVS (Cyclic vomiting syndrome). and i also am lactose intolerant which was amplifying my symptoms because i eat dairy products constantly.

i am going to be starting treatment for it and i really hope it improves my life and my ability to function because i am so tired of "living" like this. just existing has been exhausting and painful. i literally haven't been able to accomplish any of the goals i have because i can't go more than a few days without feeling horrible.

i already feel useless because i'm autistic and i have bipolar 1 and i'm waiting on disability payments to come through because i am unable to work with my disabilities. so my bf has been working and doing his best to take care of me and our kids. i just feel so horrible and guilty all the time. and i genuinely didn't know why i feel sick 24/7. all i want is to feel like myself again. and to do all the things i miss doing. i feel like i'm trapped by this illness.

i'm grateful to have answers and know what i'm dealing with finally. but after suffering like this almost every single day for so long its so hard to feel hopeful for the future at this point. i'm literally in tears as i type this. its just been really bad. i never do my makeup anymore or feel good about myself. i can barely move sometimes because the pain in my stomach is so bad or i get pain in my throat from vomiting for hours at a time, and then i get MORE pain from dry heaving due to not being able to hold down any food. and then i get random migraines and headaches that last all day as a result of all of that. its taking a huge toll on my body and my mental health. my depression gets worse during the winter season so when this started getting really bad it just made my mental health a million times worse. its literal hell.

but yeah thats why i haven't been online. real life is hard enough and i haven't been motivated to post because of the hell i'm going through or a lot of the time i physically CAN'T make content. but i'm going to keep trying. i'm going to do every fucking thing my doctors tell me to do because im so fed up with suffering. i promise that i will make content again and post the things i create and other stuff i used to post about before i stopped being able to function. as soon as i start to feel semi normal or at least well enough to do daily activities and complete even small goals, i will post about it. i'll keep u guys updated.

i appreciate every single person who follows me and my content, and all the ppl who keep checking up on me and wondering where the fuck i went. i love you guys so much💜 and i'm so sorry to all the ppl who haven't heard from me. if i can gain at least a little bit of my physical strength and health back, i will be so happy. i also am trying to get vitamins prescribed to me because im severely lacking nutrients but they are so expensive and i can't afford them out of pocket until i get my disability money. i'm also anemic and have to start taking iron supplements again. i'm just a giant ball of health issues😭 its actually ridiculous how bad my health has been. but i'm a mom and for that reason i will never stop trying. i will do whatever it takes to get better. i don't think my health could get much worse than it is currently. hopefully i didn't just jinx myself by saying that😭

sorry for the super long explanation, i just have sooo many messages in my inbox and questions that you guys send me that i haven't answered. i don't want to leave u in the dark. the connections i've made on this silly little blog mean the world to me. and everything i've been going through has been so hard to explain. but since i recently got a REAL answer as to why i'm suffering so much, i felt it was a good time to let you guys know what is going on with me. like i said, when i am able to feel somewhat normal again i will post consistently and re-open my shop too! it sucks so bad having a passion for creating but being too sick to even get out of bed other than to get sick in the bathroom. i've been to the emergency room more times this month than i have in the last 4 years. if i can overcome this awfulness i will not take it for granted. i will work harder than i ever have to create and share it with the world. but for now i just have to sit back and do whatever my doctors tell me to do and hope to god that it helps me 😞

[visible-schizo-spectrum]

i don’t vague. i am not ab that. @phoenixonwheels . let’s break down some of ur points. i assume u r open to genuine discussion since u post in the public sphere.

first thing first. “MERD” is not an analog to “TERF.” trans exclusionary radical feminism says that transgender women can never be women, and transgender men are lost women. “mental exclusion” would theoretically mean that cripplepunk is solely for the mentally abled physdis community. but this is not what happens, and the vast majority of cripples are also mentally ill/disabled.

second. calling out the use of insane/idiot/etc does not work for that exact reason. you do exactly what you seem to be upset at other ppl for doing. they assume you are able bodied and you laugh at them for telling a wheelchair user that cpunk isn’t for them. we laugh bcs you act like the average cripple is mentally well and casually using slurs as if the most popular mean cripple exclusionist isn’t bipolar and you’re not arguing with neurodivergent and mentally ill ppl every day.

third. “mental disability” in those exact words is terminology that the b/id community has been asking others not to use, but ofc nobody ever listens to intellectually disabled ppl bcs changing language is so awful. most mental disorders are what we prefer ppl to call psychosocial disabilities. even if you don’t give up this MERD thing (bcs you obviously won’t and will block me after this and cry ab exclusionism and i really don’t care) at least consider changing this language.

fourth. if your mental or psychosocial disability causes physical symptoms, THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS ARE THE PHYSICAL DISABILITY. if you have anxiety that causes you constant blood pressure and heart issues and chest pain then nobody in cripplepunk gives a shit where it comes from. your physical symptoms are physically disabling. your disability is your business all we are asking is “does it affect you physically.” cripplepunk communities are AWARE that these are not strict categories and the two impact each other.

you seem like you have a very poor understanding of cripplepunk spaces, likely bcs you don’t actually want to communicate in common ground terms. if you went to a community space and said smth like “i have autism which caused me pretty severe motor skill and coordination issues, i therefore identify myself as physically disabled and a cripple” no one would care. literally no one would care.

final point. how do u feel ab the idea of mentally abled cripples calling themselves insane and participating in madpunk/neuropunk?

[clockeyedtoy]

My call-out post on Necroromantics (Tomb)

Necroromantics on tumblr here has done nothing but be kind n supportive to all the ppl outkast, angelwowings n all those ppl have harassed and called names like freak, dm'd horrible things to, shittalked ppl who arent even friends w tomb.

Heres all the horrible things he says to ppl 🥺. Heartless monster!

Even after all theyve done w the death threats n the bullying and harassment all he does is try to move past it n be a better person n look out for others. How dare he!!

N as someone w bpd dont get me started on how he treats me. Its so abusive how he always makes sure im alright n reassures me constantly. N how ive dated him for 4 yrs n have seen his growth. Despicable! How dare a mentally ill person have times where they dont follow social norms n act on whats right/wrong omfg.

Lets cancel him for having bipolar next. Or is that too obviously ableist? No bc we cant say we're cancelling him for being manic we js have to cancel him for what he does while manic right? Bc thats how it works? Nd lets lie and ignore his paragraph form apology bc we dont care abt him actually getting better, we js care about the drama!

Lets not even start on how he put in the effort to talk to Seireitonin(?) during their mini "drama" to talk things out w her while all of u guys shittalked her in private and tried to create more drama while tomb wanted to hear her out. Or how ppl have come out n said that outkast n angelwowings r literally weird as fuck to other ppl who lack empathy.

Or should we talk abt how its so morally wrong that tomb lacks empathy n cant care abt ppls issues? Say that abt people with NPD too then. Not js the watered down versions u guys see on fuckin tiktok or tumblr. Accept ppl with NPD and ASPD n every other disorder where u cant experience empathy. Keep calling tomb ableist for not understanding social norms when ur actively hiding behind the "good victim" act js so u can be ableist towards him too. At least tomb had the balls to fuckin apologize to u nd still fuckin wish u all well.

Wtv this is literally so dumb. I know tomb very well n i would not fuckin put up with him if he was a bad person. He is literally so sweet n a good guy who hears ppl out and wants peace in life. I have seen him w his little sister how hard he tries for her. Ive seen how hard he tries w his friends, n with me even when my bpd acts up. U guys dont even fuckin know him n ur manipulating everyone w cropped screenshots n not saying how much u guys have bullied, threatened, manipulated, n harassed him. Ur pathetic

[ravenbloodshot]

thoughts on dprian? idk but personally to me he seems to be a decent guy. nice personality. having to deal with both bipolar disorder & d.i.d is fucking crazy and i feel for everyone who's been diagnosed with it.

I think he's a nice guy too, a bit unstable, and this energy Im picking up on may or may not have something to do with his mental issues. Something about him screams "easy target" or "easy lick." I just think he's someone who can be taken advantage of. Like someone you may have to look out for, and I just get a vibe that being close to him can be stressful. Like a child, you have to monitor

But I think he's a good person, who means well. His mental condition can't be cured, just treated and monitored. So ppl around him may have to look out for him more than they would for anybody else.

Edit: And I get that just bc someone has a mental disorder it doesn't automatically mean others need to treat them like a baby but I actually do get a vibe that Ian may need "babying".

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[chocoqtelle]

Soulmate Reading ☕

Pile one Pile two

Pile three Pile four

Pile One

your soul mate is someone who seems like a reward or a possible manifestation. they could possibly be a divine masculine or have heavy masculine energy ( remember that doesn't determine their gender) or have heavy duality of femininity and masculinity. this person seems soft but protective. like they'll treat you gently but might not be as gentle with other people. this doesn't mean theyre mean to other ppl ofc. you've gone through quite a bit and this person will treat you better than how others have treated you before. they'll seem like a new fresh beginning for you and will bring gifts and fortune into your life. they might have issues with mood swings and mental health as well as possessiveness. this person could have borderline personality disorder or possible bipolar but take what resonates. they will always make you feel cared for and appreciated which is something you probably don't feel much of now 😭 but you deserve it. you could be a very stubborn person or have low self esteem but remember that this was brought for a reason. it will get better and you do deserve this connection. this is good karma for you. the best advice is to accept this gift without being too skeptical about it like you most likely are most of the time. don't push this person away to feel safe. if you aren't ready then take your time but you have to open up your emotions and self to love at some point.

Pile Two

your soulmate is a bit immature 💀 a lot of your friends probably won't like them at first. they present themselves as immature and childish to people and as a person with a carefree energy. in reality, they really just had a bad past and possibly bad childhood too and use immaturity to distance from their feelings and anything serious. they do wanna let go of their past but they haven't confronted it 😞 they might have a lot to work on before getting in a new relationship. could be a former "player 🤪" who's now regretful of their actions. picking up mommy issues 🤕 they aren't used to receiving gentle love and care which is probably your main form of showing affection. they never received much love when they were younger and now they don't know how to accept it from others. they also don't know how to accept their own feelings because they were dismissed so many times and constantly invalidated. the advice for you is that if you have a bad past with this person then let it go. you might have to be generous and take your time with them. even though they don't like gentle love they have to learn how to heal and be comfortable with it so it's best to slowly ease them into it. im channeling the imagine of a traumatized dog who's still learning to not be afraid. they might still need help with coping and emotions. don't feel like you have to do anything though. you don't have to people-please and worship this person. they need a lot of care but you dont have to be the one to supply that either. you could always get them into therapy or counseling if it's too much. don't overwork yourself like you always do.

Pile Three

your soulmate is kinda like the perfect partner. this is a dreamy romantic person with a big heart. they're like one of those manhwa boys (regardless of gender) with the charming behaviors and pretty smiles. they're very committed and romantic. they like cuddles, cafes, and soft casual dates. im channeling moment by vierre cloud/ new kind of love by fro fro (they're the same song anyway 😞) . your person is giving very much simp energy. they might tend to stay alone or prefer being alone than to being around others. they seem very soft and introverted but attractive and mysterious at the same time. they wanna make sure you feel safe and comforted. they're really good with emotions and care (the ace of cups fell out right after I typed that so there's your conformation ig 💀) . they're caring about your mental health and trauma. they are trustworthy for you to open up to and won't judge you for what you went through before. this person could have a lot of options but they're still specifically focused on you. one of your fears is of abandonment and this is a confirmation that you won't be left behind. they're a hard worker especially financially but struggle with over thinking things too much. they can read people well which can come off as intimidating. sometimes they neglect their own feelings and can be scared to commit even though they want to. your advice is to remember they aren't actually perfect and you can't rely on them for everything. they're still a real person with feelings. remember to take care of yourself instead of just having them take care of you and if you're worrying about "will things actually get better? " then they will.

Pile Four

i channeled the Lana del ray version of the other woman the moment I started this reading. also picking up on dealer? ykw 🙄 get over your ex/ ex crush first of all. they sucked fr 💀 what is there to like??? they aren't your soulmate and you gotta let them go. they were immature and possessive and possibly abusive. you have another person as your soulmate and they're much better. heal yourself and learn to be independent first before dating. you might already know your soulmate. they're the perfect match for you. when you start talking with them you'll realize they just get you like that one episode from girl from nowhere with the anonymous chat and the lesbian teachers (I love them 😭). this person is all you've ever dreamed of and possibly how you imagined your ex/ex crush would be even though they weren't. you're keeping yourself back from isolating from people and avoiding catching feelings on anyone. they like to think and reflect a lot. like one of those people who psychoanalyzes themselves 24/7 to better understand themselves. because of that, they might be feeling insecure or inadequate. they place high standards on themselves and get upset when they don't reach them. my advice for you is that you don't have to be completely innocent or completely oversexualize yourself to be valid. you can find a balance yk. nobody has to fit in just one category and you really weren't meant to.

[rescue-ram]

🔥

unpopular mash opinion and/or unpopular hawkeye opinion specifically

Ooh I had to think about this for a min, because I have some Very Specific headcanons or opinions or ideas about Hawk, but the distinction between "uncommon" and "unpopular" always trips me up in this kind of meme fksjkfnks.

I don't like the very common headcanon that Hawkeye has bipolar disorder. I don't think it's actually that well supported by canon, and I think overly pathologizing his reactions to stress undercuts some of the anti-war messaging of the show. Like, kind of part of the point is that it is the war that is insane, and Hawkeye is having to do crazy stuff to either cope or accomplish logical ends. If you make his behavior His Problem, it kind of unintentionally absolves the military for their role in putting him in a situation that drives him to do things he wouldn't do outside of the pointless brutality of war, and implies his reactions are the problem rather than the situations triggering them. We also get some pretty consistent tells of what his mental health issues are, and they seem to be more in the solidly "neurotic" end of the spectrum to use period typical labeling. My guy represses, dissociates, sublimates, and regresses, he has brief episodes of mania explicitly linked with substances, stress, or sleep deprivation, but he doesn't actually have a cyclical mood disorder. I also don't like ASD headcanons.

Standard caveat it's a free country and people can write and think whatever they want, I have no animosity towards ppl who have that headcanon, but personally I really dislike the bipolar headcanon and have never read any fanwork with that as a theme.

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Uh uh uh can i pls get a headcanon style post of finn dealing with his s/o's bipolar or borderline personality disorder? I was really touched by how u did ur autistic s/o kol post and it made me so happy and i feel like ud do other disorders/not "normal" things well bc ppl hardly do things out of the norm for x readers lol. But if its too hard im fine with just finn x autistic!reader djdjjdndnd its ok if u dont vibe with the req u dont have to do im happy with ur usual posts! Thank you!!!! 💚💚💚

Infinitely Ordinary

Finn Mikaelson x BPD!reader Headcanons || Here lies my Masterlist

Warnings: None

A/N: Please listen to Infinitely Ordinary by the Wrecks while you read this. You won't regret it.

Let's get one thing straight, right off the bat.

You're not an attention-seeker. 

It's not that you crave validation or anything, it's just that people have so many expectations of how you should behave. Is it really that big of a crime for you to wish you were a little less bland?

Seriously, you live in a town populated by vampires, doppelgangers, hunters, witches, werewolves, and hybrids. And sure, you're not actually involved with any of that - which is great because you like being alive, actually - but it's just that…

Well, this is your life… and you feel like a side character.

When you were little, you never had a lot - never felt like you did anything exciting -  so you made up a lot of stories. 

You got really, really good at it. Yet, you stopped once you grew up a little bit and realized that everyone is actually pretty ordinary and you don't always have to stand out in order to be seen. You stopped because life was normal.

Until it wasn't.

As things got crazier in Mystic Falls, you started telling stories again. 

You made things up. You lied.  

You did it a lot.

Now, it was never anything bad - never anything harmful. You just wanted to be better. You didn't want to be slow, didn't want to be boring, didn't want to be left behind. You didn't want to be annoying or any inconvenience to… well to anyone.

So you just lied.

And, slowly, quietly, without you even really noticing - things got out of hand.

You didn't just tell lies. You started living them.

You said you liked things and people that you didn't. (You went out drinking with Damon Salvatore, who you absolutely despised, and he would always order you bourbon because you'd said that was your favorite too even though you would honestly rather just have a Coke.) 

You told people that you'd been to places and cities you'd never so much as thought about visiting. (Then you spent hours researching literally everything you could possibly learn about those places in case someone asked you about them. You had to maintain the lie.)

You made up an entire personality - several of them. You became someone you simply weren't.

You went places you didn't want to go. Like the Mikaelson Ball for example.

That was where you met him. 

It was so odd because he noticed you and you weren’t even doing anything. You were just standing at the bar, frowning into the drink Damon had ordered for you. 

“Are the drinks not to your liking?” He just wandered up to you and asked. 

Turns out, that one question was all you needed to break. You started panicking in the middle of the foyer. There were too many people around and too many people you needed to be all at the same time.

You didn’t even know his name but he took you out to the gardens of that mansion and you probably scared him out of his wits when you started screaming. You just had to get it out. Luckily, the Mikaelson’s had soundproof walls.

He just sat next to you with a hand on your shoulder until you finished screaming. 

“Can I tell you something?” You’d asked. “You can’t tell anyone else.”

He just shrugged. “I have no one to tell.”

You ended up spilling the whole bloody story - all the lies you’d ever told and how sick you were of keeping up with them. You told him how trying to keep track of what lies you’d told to who was like riding on a carousel that never stopped spinning. You told him how empty you felt all the time. You told him how you felt like you were slowly going insane.

“I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

And somehow, he’d said exactly what you needed to hear.  

“I don’t think who or what you are is important so much. It's what you do that matters.”

“And what should I do?” 

“Perhaps… tell the lies that make you happy. Then go from there.” 

“Is that what you do?”

He smiled. “Most days.”

Then you went home and that was that. Or so you thought. 

You started seeing him around more often. Every time you saw him, you remembered what he’d said. His words, it turned out, made you rather happy and the changes from there came slowly. You stopped hanging out with people you hated. Stopped accepting things you didn’t want.

You asked him on a date before you asked him his name. The two of you went mini-golfing and it was spectacularly ordinary. 

The two of you go on a lot of walks. They help you clear your head. It gets noisy in there sometimes. Luckily, Finn is a great listener.

You didn’t really stop lying exactly, but you started telling more truths and that was significant you thought. 

His siblings make fun of both of you for being boring. He reassures you that's better than destroying yourself trying to be something you're not.

You didn’t really realize that your mood swings were actually mood swings until you met Kol. The two of you react to each other like thermite reacts to ice. That is to say - you can’t be in the same room for any amount of time without trying to tear one another’s throats out.

“Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!!!”

You would deck that kid if not for Finn. He had to pull you out of the room. He looked very concerned. Which was nice but you couldn’t understand why.

“Do you need to go somewhere to calm down?”

“Why? I’m not actually mad. He was just talking too much.”

It was Finn who suggested you go talk to someone. That was when you were diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Yet, he never judged you for it. 

Provided you stayed away from Kol, your mood swings typically remain confined to less violent emotions. You get really excited over the smallest things and Finn thinks it is the purest thing he’s ever seen.

Both of you fear that the other is going to leave. In fact, when he told you what Esther was planning to do, you nearly lost your mind. 

After spacing out for three hours or so, you made it your mission to throttle that witch. You told her she couldn’t kill him - that you weren’t afraid to kill her again if she tried. And it was true. You really weren’t afraid to kill in order to keep Finn around. 

In hindsight, threatening the woman who created vampirism probably wasn’t a great idea. She threw you off the upstairs balcony. 

Unfortunately for her, Finn saw the whole thing. You were willing to fight for him, whether it be his siblings or his mother. 

He would return the favor. No matter the cost.

Tagging: @yn-ymn-yln@r13mar@rootbeerfaygo @iiskittles16ii @fandomrulesall-blog @dark-night-sky-99@railingsofsorrow@apolloroid@thatweirdoleigh@misswe03@eat-cake@felinegrate@cute-freak27@fayeatheart@archangelslollipop@aonungs-tsahik@sleepneverheardofher@heartbreakgrill@whatsupb18 @enchantedlandcoffee @trikigirl271@dreamingwithrafe@her-violent-delights@witchcraftandgeekness @dreamingwithrafe@acixsracix@susannahmikaelson Comment or DM me if you want to be added to my tag list!