#astro physicist moment

[hjonko]

A collection of OVERCHANGED sans sketches that I may or may not ever finish- ;)

If I ever make more sans with a scythe content, just know Maka from soul eater will be stalking me from the shadows-

Autism be damned my boy can KILL-

@overchanged-au for more!

[ailwyn-vx]

I will candidly say on here, that just because I seem like life is Lala land or all good doesn’t mean it is… but do I owe it to the world to show vulnerableness when it can be used against me? Obviously not 🙄 let’s not play around and act like the majority of us don’t pick and choose our best moments to show to the world. And also if I have no contact with someone then how is this person going to make any assumptions that anyone should actually consider about me? That’s like asking a rock specialist a question only an Astro physicist can answer.

So anyways I believe this year will be great because I deserve it. And I’m not in Lala land… I’m just happy. Things may have started this year with me in the emergency room for a 3 day long anxiety attack and passing out from a pulled muscle, but already way more good things have happened this year than… the last four months of last year as a whole.

I guess my resolution for this year is to remember what I have been telling myself all along: the positive and happy moments I’m making with people, genuine times I can have and will have, will always be more important than if they wrong me, if they are eventually not in my life, if they become my enemy, or whatever the negative case may be because at the end of the day my intent was pure all along and perpetuating love in all forms capable to me will still be my goal. In 2023 I DO NOT CARE if y’all wrong me, things will work out for me because I’m chilling and just tryna be happy and healthy LOL

[srbachchan]

DAY 4679

Jalsa, Mumbai                       Dec 21/22,  2020                Mon/Tue 12:29 AM

... a quiet day in remembrance .. and visits to the several moments spent with Ma .. those early years of Allahabad .. those of the boarding school in Nainital .. in Delhi and in Mumbai .. and each one so vivid and endearing as though it had just happened ..

Mother’s do have the ability to be with us ever .. we may never see them in the flesh and blood but they remain with us throughout our living .. giving their mature advice, their care and concern and of course their boundless love ..

.. and in the midst of all this my immense gratitude to the Ef , for expressing their grief and shock at the passing of Prabir Ef .. and also their love for Maaji , in their creative best ..

.. my gratitude as ever .. you fill me with the wonderful thoughts of the Mother that brought me into this world and blessed with at each step of my life and ...

... and still do .. 

.. but though the mind and body was sombre, the act of the profession was .. well .. professional .. 

.. never a glimmer of grief or the circumstances one must obviously be finding themselves in .. NO .. the show must go on .. and so it did .. I hope .. 

.. and the joy ever coming in yet another Crorepati or to be more precise .. a ..

.. Crorepatni  .. the 4th of the season and the 4th woman .. the ultimate example of ‘naari shakti’ .. नारी शक्ति .. the power of the indefatigable lady or shall we say ladies ..

.. well done ladies .. so unassuming in your nature and carriage .. such unknown hidden strength and the knowledge of 10 encyclopaedia’s ..

.. simply .. incredible ..

  .. the lawn of the 17, Clive Road, Allahabad and the well manicured grass - a speciality with Ma , and her extreme love for flowers .. in particular ROSES  !!

with my younger brother Ajitabh .. and me .. shorts and all .. which seem to be tied at the chest than the waist .. BUT .. ok , for, the length of my legs were a cause and concern early on in life .. and still is ..

.. the announce of the victory in the ‘84 elections ..  

.. and suited booted for a luncheon reception for the visiting Chinese delegation in Allahabad at the residence of dear family friends, legal luminary, Mr Shekhar Saran .. his wife Sadiqa aunty .. they were all called aunty in those days .. a great stage and theatre performer .. all on an amateur level .. had performed a play in Allahabad , with Ma at the Palace Cinema Hall stage, in Civil Lines .. I think the play was called Anarkali .. this Cinema stage was also the venue of so many other stage acts .. like PrithviRaj ji’s Prithvi Theatres plays .. the world renowned magician .. PC Sorkar .. and several other events , which remain so vividly in our memory ..

Palace Cinema where I saw my first ever film - a Laurel & Hardy comedy called ‘The Flying Deuces’ .. and then of course many cartoon films on Snow white and the 7 dwarfs and on .. and opposite the Cinema across the street the famous Pen store Nagar & C o or Sons , where I got my first ink pen ..

.. what excitement .. an equivalent of getting your own computer or lap top in todays times ... at the early age of 10 .. early ..? .. today’s 10 year old wants to be an astro physicist and readily explains as contestant Amol did on the students KBC, what it meant to be one .. simply astonishing .. 

.. right then .. time to be in bed .. tomorrow .. or rather this morning an early call again ..

.. my best to all .. and prayers for dearest Prabir .. who left us at such an early age .. 🙏

Amitabh Bachchan 

.. the wedding day and blessings ..

.. and that rare moment when you got your first bush shirt .. !!!

[mundanewayv]

time after time. / hendery w.

A young astro-physists accepts a challenge from his crush. 

“I challenge you to build one.”

“A time machine?”

“Yeah. And if I’m in there, you get to take me on a date.”

“Don’t go back on your words then!”

fluff-angst - 3k

Some boys wanted to play football their entire lives while some wanted to run for office, but Hendery had bigger plans. He wanted to fly to the solar system. He wanted to have dinner in a place vaguely known to man with no gravity holding him back rather than tight tuxedos and fancy ballrooms. He didn’t want to settle for going on holidays with limited paid work leaves and annual holidays when he could orbit and sightsee the planets and all the celestial phenomena of the universe and float among the stars in his quiet sanctuary a hundred kilometers from Earth.

Undoubtedly one of the smartest kids on campus, Hendery and his group of fellow astro-physicists were isolated from the hustle and bustle of university. Sitting in their tutorial lab, they’re often huddled around some sort of blueprint while the outside world continues on with their own lives. Always brainstorming over different theories and calculating numbers that can be barely articulated by others outside of the faculty.

“Yangyang, I think there’s something wrong with the calculation for the negative temperature coefficient. It’s impossible for the reactivity of the nuclear reactor to increase as temperature increases, can you check the derivative again?” Xiaojun points out and traces the equation with his chalk as he squints at the calculation on the blackboard, struggling to find the error with the math.

“And for god’s sake, work on that penmanship please. I can’t even tell apart ‘3’ and ‘8’ when you write them this way.” Xiaojun complains once more as he directs his attention to Yangyang who was sitting on the lab counter sipping on his fifth can of cola for the morning and third box of pizza.

Hendery and Kun chuckled by the side as they sat on the side working on their own sets of calculations whilst listening to Xiaojun’s rant.

“Kun, I’m having problems solving these differential equations and I’ve been working on them for days and I’m having an absolute mental block, do you think it’s time to call for help?”

“Hendery, that’s quite unlike you because you usually solve them with no problem and it doesn’t help that this assignment is due in two days and Professor is still frolicking in the Bahamas while we’re stuck here.” Kun picks the stack of papers on Hendery’s table as he examines the messy cancellations and occasional tear stains and stray pen marks, numbers and alphabets also floating in circles in his head.

“Yeah, we definitely need help for this one.” Kun rubs his temples as he concludes that the damn equations on the paper were unsolvable even after showing them to Ten.

“Maybe you can ask Y/N? She’s pretty good isn’t she? Right, Sicheng?” Lucas suggests, tossing the football in his hands in Sicheng’s direction. 

“Who’s that?” all of them turned to look at Lucas.

“Y’know, the top student in the Applied Math Faculty. She went to the same advanced class as me and Sicheng in high school, maybe she can help solve your problem, Hendery.”

“I can bring her over if you want?” Sicheng taps on his phone looking for your number.

You walked into a room filled with these boys in which Sicheng had briefly introduced you to as he dragged you into their lab on short notice. Recognising only Lucas amongst the other foreign faces, you threw him a small wave. They handed you the questions and you took a quick look at it, dissecting it to bits before grabbing the chalk to solve it on the blackboard. With every line and number in the question, you felt the chalk slowly disintegrating in your hands as seven pairs of eyes burning holes in your back as you solved the question whose solution felt like it would take an infinite amount of years to write. But solved you did. White chalk covered your hands as you took a deep sigh of relief after completing the question. The boys stared in awe as they read the solution in fascination.

“It’s the Euler’s method, boys! I know it’s unconventional to use something from the ice age but it works best here!”

“How about this Y/N? Can you try this too?” Xiaojun led you to the other blackboard where he and Yangyang were working on.

You stared at the numerous equations on the board and though you were in a math major, all this math was making you dizzy too.

“I think you should check the numbers, it’s probably inverted or something since it is so long.” you chuckled.

“Always the best, Y/N.” Lucas comes over to give you a shoulder massage.

“Hi, my name is Hendery! Your math is outstanding by the way. I’m so impressed.” Hendery sticks out his hand to you.

“Well, hi there, Hendery!” you wiped the chalk on your skirt to clean your hands,

“Nice to meet you too and thank you. I’m flattered.” you waved his compliment off shyly.

From that moment on, you were well adopted into the team and before you knew it, you were spending hours and hours studying with the boys. Sometimes, the eight of you would skip frat parties to finish your research and assignments and head out to the local diner for some ice cream afterwards or sometimes drive out to the beach and all of you would just sit by the sea, watching the star-filled darkness while tracing the constellations in the sky, eventually falling asleep till right before sun rise.

To most of the boys, you were a close friend in their crew but to Hendery, you were something more. The more you impressed him with your intelligence, your humility and spontaneity, the harder he fell for you. He loved watching you as you excitedly trace the different stars in the sky and how you always wished you could visit the solar system one day, and hold one of the stars between your two hands. Hendery has never felt so compelled to know someone deeper until he met you as if the both of you, who are so similar yet a little different, were meant to meet as written in the stars.

“Y/N,” Hendery calls out as silence overcomes the crew as the other six boys retreat to their slumber.

“Yeah?”

“Do you see that ‘W’ in the sky? Do you know that that constellation has a story?”

“Tell me about it, Hendery.” you propped your body on your sides, turning to Hendery who was still looking up in the sky.

“It’s the story of King Cepheus and Queen Cassiopeia. Despite how bloated the Queen’s ego was, the King loved her so much that he begged to be exiled with her. Crazy, isn’t it?” he chuckles quietly.

“Well, Hendery. Love works in a funny way. He probably thought of all the time he would have to be separated from the woman he loved so much and the tiny little disputes they had wouldn’t even measure up to the infinite amount of love he had for her deep down.” you replied to him.

“I meant to tell you something, Y/N. Well, since the guys are sleeping like logs, I might as well say it right now. I like you. Like, a lot.”

“I get that a lot, Hendery. But I need a little more assurance than that.” though you could feel a blush creeping over your cheeks, your heart ached a little. It was the little voice that kept reminding you that ‘I love you’ were just empty words without action and assurance. Every confession was just a small reminder of that hollow space in your heart that carved itself whenever your father said those three words to your mother but decided to walk out of both your lives at the end of the day.

“What kind of assurance do you need Y/N?” Hendery sits up with his legs crossed and facing you as the moonlight basks on your skins.

“I challenge you to build a time machine.”

“A time machine?”

“Yeah. And if I’m in there in the next 20 years, you get to take me on a date.”

“Don’t go back on your words then!”

The idea of a time machine was just like a page out of a science-fiction book. No one has ever proven the theory behind the science of time travel and nor has anyone ever built one. Hendery reaches for probably the tenth book on the mysteries of the universe, which he had spent the entire afternoon reading and studying in the library.

“A wormhole?” Hendery stares at the article heading questionably, before reading on.

“A wormhole: a time-travelling portal created by energy fluctuations in positive and negative directions, each creating a curved space that opposes each other. When a connection is established, a wormhole is formed.”

“However, for a human to walk through the wormhole to travel in time, a supermassive black hole and negative energy is required to make a transversable wormhole.”

“One will then travel in the speed of light, known as time dilation. With the Laws of Special Relativity, a year away from Earth could be forty years into the future with this wormhole.”

Hendery takes a deep sigh, wondering if it's truly possible to build that time machine. He sat in his chair, swirling around as he chewed on his pencil.

“Well, if particles can pass through walls in Quantum Physics, man can surely walk through time.”

He worked day and night, analysing and experimenting different ways of creating that opposing energy to form a time warp. You came by occasionally to drop him some pizza or sandwiches, sometimes even blankets to cover him when he falls asleep in the lab while working. Sometimes, you would just sit by his side silently, both heads laying on the lab table. He always looked so happy in his sleep, his muscles eased and lips twitching into a smile once in a while. What were his dreams? Were you in them or were you just someone that will pass him by? Deep down you wished you didn’t propose the challenge to him and just let him take you out on that date, but the fear of not being there in his life or him in your life was probably enough to break you to pieces.

Finally, on one autumn afternoon, Hendery instructed the boys to stay out of the lab for a day so he could invite you over to watch him walk through the time machine.

“So Y/N, the time machine is done and all that’s left is to see if you’re in there and I can take you on a date afterwards right?”

“Yup.” you nodded, taking his hand in yours, holding them tightly.

“Promise to wait for me.” He asked as the both of you stood steps away from the machine.

“I promise.” you assured him, taking this opportunity to hold him in your arms.

“I’ll see you later, alligator! Plan on a restaurant, I’ll take you anywhere you want after this.” he waves, walking into the time machine and with a flash of light he disappears into the wormhole. Silence engulfed the room when you realised you were the only one left in the lab.

Hendery travels through the wormhole, watching moments of his life flash in front of his eyes: graduating university and going on a vacation with the boys and you in the Bahamas, buying his first car, entering graduate school and getting his first job at the Space Research Centre where he worked hard till he retired. He even sees his final days as he chased the Northern Lights in the cold night of Iceland. But, you weren’t there. He may have achieved all he ever wanted but you weren’t there, and everything else just became pointless to him. He wanted to run back to you and just tell a white lie for once, as long as he could keep you by his side, even if it wasn’t forever.

You returned back to the lab, it hasn’t changed much since you left, almost twenty years ago. You took a seat on the chair you sat when you waited for Hendery to return. He told you he would be back soon, but day by day, you returned to the lab but you were still alone and Hendery was still in the machine. The boys waited with you as they awaited the return of their friend. Nobody knew how long it would take for Hendery to return except for himself. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and months turned to years. Now you are forty-five, your youth long gone and age slowly diminishing the glow your face once had, had two kids of your own and a businessman husband that was always too busy for the family. You wondered, would anything have been different if you knew the answer? You looked around the lab, reminiscing the days the crew and you spent, the best time of all your lives. 

“Y/N!” you turned around to the deep voice that called out to you.

Sadness slowly disappears as you were hugged by the six boys that filled your university life. All six of them looked as dashing as ever and glad to say that their cheerful positivity never left them at all. They turned to look at the time machine.

“He’s still in there isn’t he?” Lucas asked. It was always sad because Hendery was just like a crucial puzzle piece that was never found. The boys missed him as much as you did. All of you sat down and chatted and ordered pizza just like the old days. Ending the night, all of you slowly packed your stuff and got ready to leave the lab and return back to your own lives, hoping that the next time all of you reunite, the glitch in the time machine would have disappeared and Hendery would be back with all of you.

Just as all of you slowly walked to the entrance of the lab, a ray of light shines throughout the room, a thunderous noise sends vibrations throughout the room, turning around to see the antique time machine coming back to life. You swore you could hear the thumps of all your hearts racing clearly. A figure slowly forms among the bright light; slim, cladded in a checkered vest and coffee-colored pants and, hair pushed back with too much gel, just like Hendery’s. You couldn’t believe your eyes as you take slow steps forward, not wanting to get any of your hopes up. But there right in front of you, stood the man you wished had come back to you twenty years ago, Hendery Wong. Tears flowed uncontrollably as you couldn’t stomach the shock of finally seeing him after all this while. He still looked the same as he did when he hugged you for the last time. Time hasn’t caught up with him at all but it wasn’t the same for you and the rest.

“Y/N? Is that you?” Hendery’s fingertips slowly traced the tears that were rolling off your cheeks.

“Guys? Are you guys really here?” Hendery rushed into the arms of his brothers, embracing them as if he hasn’t seen them in a lifetime.

“You guys waited! How long have I been gone?” he asks, wondering why everything seemed to have moved forward except him.

“Hendery, you’ve been stuck in there for twenty years.” you told him, slowly sobering up from your crying, holding his hand and his fingers examining the band on your ring finger.

“Oh? You got married?” he asked, hurt apparent in his voice.

“I did…” your voice trailed off at the end.

“I waited for you to come back as promised, Hendery. But you never came back and we never went for that dinner you promised me to.” you could feel the tears slowly forming again.

That was when Hendery realised that what he saw in the wormhole was right; you were never going to be in there with him even till the last breath he took.

“Hey, don’t cry, alright? I’ll take you to that dinner okay? I promise. But for now…” he looks up reluctantly to face all of you.

“I’d like to go back. I have something important to do. And maybe we’ll see each other again.” Hendery speaks softly this time.

“See you again, brother.” Kun comes up and pulls him into a hug, his tears staining the cotton of Hendery’s vest.

“I love you, Hendery.” you said those three words, after twenty years of yearning. You wished that you could go back in time and right the wrongs and work against the tricks of time.

And with one last wave, Hendery enters the time machine once more.

Hendery finds himself in the lab again, did the time machine fail?

“Hendery, you’re back!” you raced back into the lab, with snacks and chocolate milk.

“Wait, where did you go?” he asked in confusion when he saw your younger self instead of your matured self.

“I went to get snacks while waiting for you, silly. So how was it? Are you going to take me on that date?” you teased him.

“Let’s talk about it over dinner, it was a wild ride! You wouldn’t believe it!” he slings your arm in his as the both of you leave the lab in all smiles. Hendery taking this chance to fight against fate and time in this one, in hopes he can change the future he saw in that wormhole.

[tabernacleheart]

The key-note which opens [Matthew 24:42] is ‘Stay awake’ or ‘Be alert’ – but alert to what? [Well,] it is clear from the letters of Paul... that the first generation of Christians had a vivid awareness of the imminence of the Day of the Lord, the cataclysm which would happen and bring to an end with the Judgment of God the world as they knew it. As time passed and this did not happen, such expectancy began to wane. So 2 Peter 3.1-10 explains that you can’t link human and divine time-scales: ‘with the Lord a day is like a thousand years’. Both positions were wrong in their timing, but not in their teaching. [Still, we ask:] will it ever happen? Will the time come when the ever-expanding universe implodes? Leave this problem to the astro-physicists! In one sense the Day of the Lord has already come, in that with the Death and Resurrection of Christ the world as the ancients knew it has changed for ever: the triumph of Evil has passed and triumphant hope has been born. In another sense. for each one of us the Day of the Lord is imminent, in that with every moment we are forming ourselves, and the Lord is forming us, in a way which will become startlingly and devastatingly clear at the confrontation with Truth at our death. We cannot afford to neglect the warning, ‘Be alert!’

Dom Henry Wansbrough; Commentary on Matthew 24:42

[quasarlasar]

Lesser Known Black Hole Misconceptions

During NASA’s Black Hole Week I saw a lot of social media posts, press releases, videos etc. that were not really correct. 

One big issue with science communication about black holes is that while it has gotten good at dispelling the trivial myths (like “black holes suck everything into them and so you should be afraid Sgr A* will kill us all”) it has perpetuated other myths that require more detailed knowledge of general relativity and astronomy to debunk. 

I thought it would be interesting to go over some of these misconceptions...

Myth: Stuff that falls into a black hole appears to freeze just outside the event horizon from the perspective of an outside observer.

Reality: Stuff that falls into a black hole disappears from view quickly.

People who perpetuate this one usually say it’s because time dilation makes the stuff appear to stop moving. But time dilation also causes the photons released by the object to be redshifted, and for fewer photons to be released with each moment of time. The end result is that the stuff will get exponentially fainter, and become invisible to your eyes.

Myth: You can’t escape the event horizon because the escape velocity is the speed of light.

Reality: You can’t escape the event horizon because no paths through space-time lead outward.

This myth is technically correct...but insufficient. It is possible to escape an object with less than its escape velocity if you continuously apply a thrust. This is in fact how rockets are launched from the Earth. If escape velocity = light speed were all there was to a black hole, then you could escape a black hole with a strong rocket.

But you can’t. For once you cross the event horizon, all paths through space-time are so warped that no paths lead outward. This is the true power of a black hole: the curvature of space-time is such that nothing inside can ever causally affect the outside. 

Myth: A singularity is an infinitely dense point.

Reality: Singularities are where space-time is incomplete.

This one is a really obscure misconception. A lot of people say infinite density is what defines a singularity, but technically it’s something called “geodesic incompleteness.” Basically a space-time contains a singularity when paths through it abruptly come to an end. The singularity isn’t really an object in space-time so much as an edge to space-time itself. Approach a singularity, and curvature increases asymptotically to infinity and space-time itself ends  and you simply cease to exist.

For this reason, a singularity can’t really be an infinitely dense point of stuff. As far as classical general relativity goes, stuff that falls into a black hole is destroyed at the singularity. 

It is often thought that a true quantum theory of gravity will replace the singularities with something else, but for now, the singularities represent where we cannot tell how space-time continues beyond.

Myth: The singularity’s gravity creates the black hole.

Reality: Black holes are self-perpetuating.

Once an imploding object collapses into a black hole, forms an event horizon, and destroys itself in a singularity, it’s gone. The rest of the Universe doesn’t even know it ever existed. But its gravity continues on, because the curvature of space-time created in the process can create perpetuate itself due to the nonlinearity of Einstein’s equations. Essentially a black hole is pure gravity. The singularity isn’t some solid object that curves space-time to create the black hole; the curved space-time is the black hole. 

Myth: Black holes are very dense objects.

Reality: Black holes are empty space-time.

This is related to the preceding myth. Black holes are vacuum solutions to Einstein’s field equations, and don’t have any matter anywhere save for what’s falling into them at the moment. Their mass comes from the ability of gravity to source itself.

You might think that at the very least you’d need a very high density of matter to make it implode in on itself and create a black hole in the first place, but this isn’t necessarily true either. You could make a supermassive black hole just by filling a solar system with regular density water. 

Myth: A black hole’s internal radius is its Schwarzschild radius.

Reality: A black hole’s internal radius is not well defined.

The Schwarzschild radius is the radius of circumference of the event horizon for a non-rotating black hole, and is very famous because it is easy to calculate. Many people assume that if it is the radius of the event horizon, then it must also be the distance from the horizon to the center of the black hole, like the black hole is a spherical volume.

Unfortunately, this neglects the fact that space-time inside a black hole is extremely curved. In fact, it is curved in such a way that the distance to the center of the black hole is not well defined. It is time dependent, and changes depending on your choice of coordinates.

Curved space-time is really difficult to get your head around. Visualizing curved spaces in flat space-time is simple enough, but curved space-time itself? It messes with things we find sacrosanct, like distances and volumes, and it’s impossible to map it all onto a single coordinate system. It’s not like those “bowling ball on a sheet” analogies you often see...it’s something far more complex and abstract.

Myth: Black holes kill galaxies.

Reality: The jury’s still out on who did it.

This one is just an oversimplification I see a lot in popular science media of the phenomenon known as “AGN feedback.” The simplest version of the idea is that supermassive black holes drive powerful winds and jets that drive the gas out of their galaxy and shut down its star formation. 

However, the current evidence suggests the picture is a *lot* more complicated, with many galaxies not suffering this problem at all, and the galaxies that are often thought of as having been ‘killed’ in this way (the giant ellipticals) may not have been ‘killed’ solely by their supermassive black holes. It’s still uncertain how much AGN feedback played a role in quenching star formation versus major mergers, minor mergers, or even the stars themselves blowing out the gas and choking off their own formation (like through supernovae and stellar winds). 

(Also this should be clear, but when astronomers say a galaxy is ‘dead,’ the galaxy and all its stars and planets still exists! It just isn’t forming many new stars anymore. Supermassive black holes still won’t kill you.)

Myth: Quasars are powered by black holes shredding and devouring stars.

Reality: Quasars are powered by black holes accreting gas clouds.

I’ve seen many people (some of whom are [astro]physicists and should know better) state that quasars are powered by supermassive black holes that are shredding several suns every year. In reality, this isn’t what’s going on. In the center of a galaxy, everything’s moving very fast, so objects need to come close to each other and lose angular momentum to each other to fall into the black hole. Stars are compact and so don’t really get close enough to interact strongly with each other. Gas clouds are much larger and are able to collide with each other, canceling out their momentum and allowing them to fall into the black hole.

As such, while they’re famous for eating stars and planets, most of a black hole’s diet is gas and dust. In that regard, they’re kind of like predators maligned as man-eaters, like sharks. 

Myth: Heavily accreting black holes always launch big jets.

Reality: Some don’t!

One weird thing that scientists have learned from studying variability in stellar black holes is that jets seem to be most prominent in low accretion states. At higher accretion states, the jets at first get more powerful, but eventually they break up into blobs and become a broad wind instead. 

Supermassive black holes do not vary on short enough timescales for us to really see jets turning on and off, but we can observe the population of actively accreting supermassive black holes and try to piece together a progression of accretion states from that. Drawings of quasars always show them with big old honking jets spewing out for many light years around, but it turns out many (perhaps even most) quasars don’t have observable jets! It just so happens quasars were first discovered in radio waves, and the only quasars that are prominent in radio are the ones with clearly visible jets.

Most supermassive black holes with prominent jets are in radio galaxies, which aren’t accreting at high rates. Some think that the minority of quasars which are radio loud might represent the supermassive equivalent of the transition state observed in stellar black holes. 

However it is entirely possible that the quasars that don’t have jets do indeed have them, it’s just that we cannot see them because they are pointed away from us. This is still an active area of research!

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This may be confusing but honestly, I like science so much in part because I love all the nitty-gritty details and picking apart and over-analyzing stuff. Oh well...at least you can enjoy my dumb black hole comics. ^_^

[forensicscienceblr]

hfebfhs thanks for tagging me @affluentmind !!

             ✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐

Nickname: I like being called Nines but my friends have an array of nicknames for me lmao

Real Name: Nikolai !! 

Zodiac: I’m a Pisces and an Aries Rising apparently, idk the most about astrology nor do I genuinely believe in it but I think it’s fun

Favourite Music & Groups: I love old school metal, rock and punk. i’m into Misfits, Venom, Doyle, Iron Maiden, Ac/dc, Dio, Celtic Frost, Megadeth, Rob Zombie, Slayer, Slipknot, Black Sabbath, Pantera, Alice Cooper. i could honestly go on but i’ll stop myself lmao

Sports: I love baseball, but i couldn’t join my university’s baseball team last year when i was supposed to and this year has been a whole mess so i haven’t been able to play )):

Other Blogs: listen,,, i’ve been embarrassingly on this hellsite for about eleven years and over that time i’ve had my fair share of blogs. however, these days i’m only actually active on like three or four blogs including this one

Get Asks: nah

Blogs I follow: 359

Tumblr Crush: apparently @affluentmind and me go to the same university and found out after i posted a picture on campus so we have like a connection now

Lucky Number: i like a nice 5 and 9

What Am I Wearing: a white shirt and adidas track pants, plus socks

Dream Holiday: it’s been a dream of mine since i can remember to see the aurora borealis so i’d love to visit Norway for that, also Switzerland and where ever they used to shoot those old cowboy movies in the USA. also chicago

Dream Car: i want a souped up Japanese import Daihatsu Mira or an FJ40 Land Cruiser or like both would be cool

Fave Food: i could probably eat dumplings and sushi train karaage curry udon everyday for the rest of my life

Drink of Choice: i wouldn’t survive without coffee and tea. if we’re talking alcohol then it’s whatever’s in my cup but i do love some vodka and gin

Instrument: unfortunately i have no musical talent, and though at one point i dabbled in the guitar, piano and the drums throughout my childhood, i decided to not actively practice any which has now resulted in me being a completely musically talentless fool (but i would like to get back into all three of those instruments)

Language: currently only English and like a few words in Japanese and Samoan, but am self teaching myself Russian at the moment.

Celebrity Crushes: i would let doyle wolfgang von frankenstein step on my throat and then say thank you

Random Fact: i woke up from a nap two hours ago and i’m still not sure what year it is

              ✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐

idk y’all but i’m tagging some of my favourite blogs/people i follow. sorry if you’ve already done this/been tagged lmao ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡

Tagging: @physics-goth @bi-narystudysystem @spncr-studies @phys-wiz @diyastudies @koi-study @physicsjournal @starrystvdy @a-tired-physicist @astro-fabulous @booksbutch @astrophysct @cuppa-studies @howtosurviveaphysicsdegree

[thesardonicwriter]

Poems I Wrote in 2019

Yes, yes, I sometimes write poems. Because I’m a musician and write songs. Some of them aren’t long enough to be songs or I never put music to go with them, but all of them relate to how I was feeling at the time they were written. Sometimes a poem is easier than a journal entry.

Nightingale

What is a nightingale?

Is it something that we strive to be?

No, it is something that we wish could be reached.

What is a nightingale?

Is it an idea that brings us joy?

No, it is an ideal that no one can be held to.

What is a nightingale?

Is it my love for you?

No, it is something that I fake to bring joy.

What is a nightingale?

A nightingale is a simple songbird.

Nothing special for you or me.

Nightingale was written near the beginning of the year. I was still struggling with self identity. Hell, I still am now, near the end of the same year. I was in my final semester at community college after two years of not doing what I wanted to do. I felt... trapped. I felt like I hadn’t done anything important for the past two years and they had been a waste. 

What We Must

A lie is something easily told and easily believed

Because it is easy to want the better half

Of a world that revels in the dark and the hurt and the pain,

Of a world that pushes down that which makes us special.

The truth is something hated and revered, loved and despised

All for the same reasons a lie is believed.

A thing full of more pain than the word itself, a more tortured soul

Than a wannabe poet with a broken, leaking pen.

We do what we must to make people smile.

We do what we must to push forward.

We lie to make others happy.

We lie to make ourselves miserable.

Could the truth truly be an answer to freedom,

Or will it be the final nail that keeps the coffin lid down?

The first shovel of dirt has already been thrown on the roof

With a thundering, deafening blow that lingers in dark air

A lie is something that is wanted to avoid the pain

A lie is what I have told to you, my dear.

The truth would crush you, I am certain, for it is true

You say that you love me, but I cannot love you.

As you can probably tell, this was written about someone I was dating. He was really nice. A good friend of mine that I now no longer talk to because of a lot of reasons. We were pressured into our relationship by two other friends of ours. They were convinced that we would be perfect for each other. It was pretty great, but he wasn’t right for me. He had a lot of things that he needed to work out, mostly involving his parents. He also told me he loved me after a week together. Not wanting to break up with him after so short a time, I went along with it. I’m not proud of this, but I told him that I loved him when I don’t think I ever really did. I ended up breaking up with him after four or five months together. 

Special

Did you know

That I am not a special person?

If you’d look, I could show

How my mental state will just worsen.

I wish that it was much simpler to just go

To a state of being a much better version

Than who I am.

I want to be H.P. Lovecraft.

I want to be e.e. Cummings.

I want to be able to write past a rough draft

I wish that I could stand with the kings

Of literature and art, with a future graphed

To a level where people will take cuttings

Of works I have done, but I am too daft

To be more than I am.

I am not special, and neither are you.

1 in a million is a phrase for a reason.

There are hundreds of things we can do

Hundreds of things we can be, no matter the season,

That can change the world, but I know it is true

My name will not be remembered, but that’s not treason,

Because maybe I am the difference.

Ha. I think I’m much more depressing in my writing than I think, looking back now. Anywho, don’t worry about me. I’m doing fine. This was really just me coming to terms with the fact that, again, it’s okay to not be super famous or well known. That was what I wanted for a while and then I realised how much that would suck ass. So. I’m happy to just write these little things and live my life to the fullest without worrying about other people’s opinions of me.

Fragile

I think I came to you because you’re fragile

And I thought that I was strong

I could see my touch pulled you down

And lifted you up to a level you couldn’t keep

Something keeps bringing you back to me

No matter what I say or do

You keep coming back to me, back to me

I keep you near, and forget you when you’re gone

I’ve pulled you into my world, dragged you down

I’m drowning in your love, you’re slipping into my reign

I don’t recognise who we were supposed to be

This isn’t what I wanted, but what you asked for

I’ve shown you the dark parts to send you away

I’ve pulled you down with me, carved out a person

That’s just like me

I know that I can be reckless with your heart

I’ve left it broken and bruised, fragile and hurt

But still you come back again and again

Your fire a little weaker, your light fading fast

I stand tall, you slouch next to me

I’m far too messy and hardly ever kind

Please get out of my atmosphere

Before you break apart and go down in flames

This was what I wrote when I actually came to terms with what I was actually feeling in the aforementioned relationship. Yeah, that’s what I thought was happening. I think I did have somewhat of a good influence on his life. He started standing up to his parents more often (he’s 22 but was struggling with that part. I think he’s doing better with them now). Even if our relationship didn’t end up being happily ever after, I can at least say that we changed.

400

400 dollars

What shall I spend it on?

I know the thing.

A fucking WiFi juicer.

I... um... FUCK JUICERO

Carve

Carve, carve, carve.

Must we make things this

Hard, hard, hard?

Hold my hand, push you back, it’s just not in our

Cards, cards, cards.

Force, force, force.

We’re far in, can’t change the

Course, course, course.

Just one more day, I yell until I’m

Hoarse, hoarse, hoarse.

Mark, mark, mark.

Ink on my arm, igniting the

Spark, spark, spark,

Of inspiration, of things knocked out of the

Park, park, park.

Carve, carve, carve.

I’m yours, you are not mine.

I was in love with the same girl for five years. Actually. Literally. Five years. She was everything that I thought I wanted and of course the most unattainable person in the whole country to me. I’d been in love with her since we were sat next to each other in orchestra and she complimented my doctor who t-shirt. God, that girl was practically perfect in every way. We even dated until she moved to California to become an astro physicist. After talking to some professionals who helped me with romantic obsession (an actual thing I didn’t know I suffered from), I’ve gotten over the memory of who she was here. We’ve both changed. I’m sure if I went to talk to her now, I wouldn’t recognise her.

10 Years My childhood defined.

A world opened up to me.

Stories written. Stories read and refined.

One thing to show me what to be.

A moment of redemption for you.

Hours of distraction for us.

A destiny nobody knew

Entertainment as an added plus.

A start from 2008.

A reboot that created a phenomenon.

The end that was destined, fate,

Yet never viewed as a pawn.

Four words that were never small

Four words that we all stan.

Four words that will end it all:

I am Iron Man.

END GAME HURT ME, OKAY?!

Meanings

A hug means I need you.

It means my life is falling down.

It means that you are constant

And I cannot be alone.

A kiss means I love you.

Or rather an idea that relies

On us being together for it to exist

And words spoke to still hold meaning.

A call means you miss me.

It means that I was on your mind.

It means that I didn’t answer, again

And I couldn’t be bothered.

It all means nothing to me,

But everything to you

Yet somehow I can’t let you go

And you thrive on what I give

Drops of love, here and there.

Kernels of affection, to and fro

You still haven’t realised

What it means to me.

Oh man, romantic/love obsession is a hard road. Especially when you let yourself get roped into a friends with benefits situation with someone you have a crush on and form a connection that turns into romantic obsession because of unresolved issues from when you were a teenager. Nothing like it.

Unremarkable 

Two lives are never the same.

It’s simple enough to say. 

It hurts enough to count.

It holds enough weight that someone will remember.

If two lives are never the same, 

Can one ever be unremarkable?

Will there always be something to remark upon

And will you make remarks to me?

History doesn’t repeat, 

At least not the way people think it does.

There are always similarities,

But two lives are never the same.

Unremarkable.

Never has there been a greater injustice 

Uttered to those who would wonder

What is worth it and what is broken now

We’re all worth it. Everyone. We’re unique. No one can be the same as someone else. This is just the truth, my friends.

[ringobean]

✌✌✌ Part 8 of my fanfiction... ✌✌✌

Back in time

The scientist finally arrives, and presents himself to us.

"Hello I am Mr Trippet, I am a physicist astro, I will explain everything to you, please enter"

we are entering a kind of mad scientist's laboratory, there are several blackboards with mathematical formulas, piles of gadgets, books and in the back of the room a kind of large cabin the size of a lift I imagine it's the famous machine.

"I'll explain everything to you, I've been waiting for you for a long time already"

"for a long time, I only called you yesterday"

"Let me explain everything from the beginning, as I told you I am a physicist, and I discovered the way to travel in time, I took a lot of time to imagine and build my machine and make it work, 2 days ago I wanted to test it, I wanted to tell you that I am a big fan of the Beatles, since your begining. "

"Do you know who they are? Oh that's so good not to be the only one"

"Of course I know who they are, it's a great honor for me to meet you," he said, looking at the boys.

"So as a big fan, I decided for my first trip to go on August 22, 1962 to attend your first official concert with Ringo, so I arrived in 1962, but after a bad adjustment, there is had a spatio temporal exchange and you landed in 2019 at the same place where you were."

"you realize what you did, we were ready to make our dream come true, record our first record and you ruined everything," John told him furiously.

"No, no I'll take you back to the exact moment you left, no one will notice your departure."

"and who tells us, that you're not going to make a new set-up error again and send us I don't know where, "George said, glancing at him.

"It's impossible, the first time I was so excited to test the machine, that I didn't pay attention to this error, but this time everything is under control, I will explain everything to you. The machine is actually a sort of "box that moves back and forth through space and time", in a circular motion. The mathematical model has been named Traversable Acausal Retrograde Domain in Space-Time, TARDIS, the same name as Doctor Who's Time Machine."

"Who's Dr who??" Says Paul.

"Wait, you're telling us that you based your invention on a TV series, seriously," Luna said.

"not quite, it's just a wink to the series. "The trick" is to use the curvature of space-time in the Universe to "bend time" so as to form in a time circle. A passenger  in the time box could then advance in the future and go back. The mathematical model is based on the idea that we should no longer look at the Universe with one side three spatial dimensions, and on the other a fourth time dimension, but rather that we must imagine these four dimensions working simultaneously . This makes it possible to consider the possibility of a space-time continuum where the different directions in space and in time are all connected to each other."

He continued for a moment his explanation, which was only half understood, but he seemed confident of what he was doing!

"and why am I the only one to remember them in this dimension? I understand that they can't exist, if they arn't in the 60s, but I can't understand why me?"

"Really, i don't know why, i can't explain it..."

"See, it's the destiny that met us" Ringo said to me smiling.

"wait, I hope you haven't revealed anything of the future that could change the course of history "

"Oh yes, of course I did it, and I hope the story will change, as a Beatles fan you can't be against this change! if it saves John and maybe George"

"yes, you score a point."

I have one last question, if I ever wanted to go with them, what would happen to my family and friends?

"It's very simple, only the people here will be able to remember you, everyone else will have no memory of you, since you will not be a 19 year old young lady in 2019."

"Not so simple since you can't tell me why I'm the only one who can remember them, there may still be another surprise."

"maybe, maybe not... another questions?... no, so we can start "

I had my stomach knotted, anxiety began to rise, I still didn't know what to do, on one side see the love of my life disappear forever and continue to phantasm on him with having had the chance to know him or to take the risk of following him and see what life has in store for us, with all the advantages but also the disadvantages mentioned by Michelle.

Luna said goodbye to the boys, then gave George and John a big hug, "

I'll miss you, it was really nice last night, too bad I was too drunk, otherwise I'll take good care of both of you, maybe next time"

"How sad, we'll miss you too Luna," said John and George.

Michelle also said goodbye to the boys, embarrassed she kissed Paul's cheek.

"it was really a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is shared ma belle Michelle"

and he kissed her on the mouth. she was redder than ever.

Mr. Trippet made his last adjustments on the machine, the boys were ready to leave, my head was spinning, my throat tight.

Before entering the machine they turned to me to see what I was going to do.

Ringo who was as stressed as me, took my hand and told me,

"Did you make your decision (y / n), do you come with me, and give me the pleasure of sharing my life?"

.....

[dresupi]

Dancing Queen - Bucky/Darcy

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Darcy Lewis For:  @highlyintelligentblonde Song:  Dancing Queen by ABBA (1976) Word Count: 474

~oOo~

A/n: this is a short Mamma Mia AU. 

For your personal reference: Betty is Darcy’s mother, the potential dads are Bruce, Tony, and Erik (Selvig) (Bc Stellen Skarsgard). I don’t really have the other characters mapped out like at all.

"Okay, look… please don't get mad at me…" Darcy said slowly, holding out her hands in front of her.  "Buck… I promise I just—"

"What is it?" He asked, starting to feel a little worried. His fiancee wasn't prone to hiding things. It must be a pretty big something for her to hide it from him.

"I invited my dad."

Bucky's brow furrowed. "Your dad? But, um… I'm not trying to be indelicate here, doll… but do you know your dad?"

"I've got it narrowed down. To three guys."

"But you invited him?"

"Them," she corrected him, biting her bottom lip and waiting for his response.

"All of them," he stated, nodding his head and plopping down on the end of the bed.

"Please don't be mad…" she said quickly, sitting down beside him.

He turned to look at her. "Why would I be mad? You're my girl, aren't ya?"

She grinned, nodding. "So they tell me."

"Why would I get mad about you wanting to find your dad?"

"I dunno, extra drama on top of all the wedding stuff…"

"I mean… it wouldn't be YOUR wedding without a little bit of drama, would it?" He asked, leaning over to nuzzle her nose. "I adore you and all the drama that comes along with you."

"So you're fine with this?"

"I mean… I haven't heard a peep outta your mom, and if your mom can be okay with this, then I sure as hell…" he trailed off at the knowing look on Darcy's face. "Oh shit. Darce…"

"I mean… I might not have—"

"You didn't tell your mom."

"I didn't get a chance to let her know that I've narrowed it down to three fellas and they're all here."

"Darcy-doll…" Bucky sighed heavily and laid back on the bed. "You didn't tell her."

"Nope."

"And they're here."

"They're in the carriage house."

"The carriage h—" He took a deep breath, his eyes closing for a long moment. "You've got three grown men in that old carriage house. Unattended."

"I told them the hotel was overbooked."

Bucky exhaled loudly, laying back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling. He had a bachelor's party to get to, but instead, he was worrying about his future father-in-law's identity. "Okay, so do I get to know their names?"

"Bruce Banner. He's a nuclear physicist. Tony Stark, an engineer. And Erik Selvig. Theoretic-Astro physicist."

"Damn. Betty has a type, doesn't she?"

"Shush, you."  Darcy swatted his arm. "Don't judge her, she was young."

"She was young. They were geniuses.  It was meant to be."

"Are you going to help me or not?"

"Help you with what? Looks like you've got it under control."

Darcy flopped down on the bed beside him. "Bucky… please?"

He smirked and slipped his arms around her.  "Of course I'll help you, Darce."

[peacefulwriter88]

Eurydice & Orpheus

Chris Beck X OC WoC Adria Devereaux

Warnings: SMUT and angsty af, cheating

A/N: I don’t know, @geminimoonbeamx got me all fucked up thinking about Chris Beck and this particular prompt (like all inspo credit goes to her lol) and I’ve been wanting to write an OC for a while so this is me doing it! Enjoy lol

His scent is intoxicating. It takes over the space of her small apartment, permeates more than the sheets that she had washed two times to ensure the scent would go away. Instead it wafts in the air, sticks to her skin, clings to her mind and she has to open a window to get it to go away.

She allows herself to stand there, looking out of the window. Into the busy streets of Boston, watching mindlessly as people with different agendas, careers, families walk by and she wonders if she can join them, to escape the situation she’s allowed herself in.

Not again.

It’s what her heart echoes out, yells at her with a steady beat, a song trying to break her of his spell. And she almost listens, almost doesn’t cav.

But then his voice is closer.

“Spent about five days down in Florida with this new crew that is destined to fly out. Trying to give them best practices for hypotheticals that won’t happen because we’ve already lived the worst case scenario and you know all I could think of? Between all that math and young excitement? How much I’ve missed you.”

It hurts, those words as she turns and lean against the window, still dangerously away from him. He hasn’t moved, he’s still sitting on the couch, those beautiful cerulean eyes trying to get a read on her as she gives a small smile.

“Sure you did. Because beyond Ethan and Beth, you thought of me.”

She doesn’t want to sound pained, or angry, or frustrated. She just wants to stop lying to herself, wants to stop the long nights that she’s lying in her bed, alone, wondering if he’s thinking of her. Knowing the truth.

He had a beautiful wife. A beautiful baby boy.

Why would he be thinking about her?

His eyes don’t shift, don’t betray what he’s thinking. That she can’t possibly know the relief she provides, his brilliant best friend, the astro-physicist that he’s known almost all his life, who was just as obsessed with the stars as he was. It was supposed to be her. She was supposed to be the one who gave him his child, who would live with him in the big house he owned on the opposite side of town, who was to be his wife.

But she wasn’t. Life intervened and by the time he had realized the consequences of those actions, he had to choose.

And he didn’t choose her.

She shifts, trying to cross her arms over her body. He had caught her fresh from a yoga class, waiting patiently outside of her apartment with his bag near him. Hadn’t told Beth he got in a day earlier, instead choosing to spend the evening with her. She hadn’t changed, not out of the tight capri leggings that had plastered themselves on every inch of her skin. Not the cute bralette that crossed over her cleavage, each breast pushing outside the crisscross design with each breath she took. The sun was starting to set, that six o’clock burnt orange brilliance streaking in, highlighting the way her gingerbread skin stood out in the light, the darkness of her black curly hair. It was especially hot and humid for Boston, even for August, and despite her AC the last faint droplets of sweat were falling down her neck, into that damn bralette he couldn’t take his eyes off of and he wanted to taste it, the mingle of her natural saltiness with the honey perfume that hit his nostrils every other breath he took.

Adria Deveraux was his beginning and his end and none of that mattered.

Because she wasn’t his.

“Don’t say that Adria,” he gets up and he notices the way she flinches away, pushing herself back. “I took an early flight home because I wanted to spend the evening with you. Don’t you miss us cooking dinner together and cuddling on the couch?”

She has to look away, close her eyes because how dare he. How fucking dare he. Of course she remembered. It was what she lingered on when the aching loneliness consumed her, when she denied friends blind dates or went to events solo along her partnered friends. Waiting for Chris Beck.

Always waiting.

“Chris…I think we should stop.”

She doesn’t open her eyes, instead keeps them barreled tight, fighting the overwhelming feeling of sadness and fear. She doesn’t want to say the words, wants to hold on to him for just a little longer, wants to be selfish and live in this moment. But it’s not enough, not anymore.

“I’m….I’m sorry of the snapshots of what we used to be. You’ve moved on and…..I should too. I shouldn’t….we shouldn’t be doing this. It’s wrong.”

She doesn’t open her eyes but allows the tears to take over, to spill down her cheeks and he breaks inside. Can feel his soul ripple with pain, to watch his sweet girl, his best friend in pain because of him. She was right. He was being selfish. He didn’t want to rock the boat with Beth and wanted to keep up the image of being a good father to Ethan while also fucking and loving the woman he’s lusted after for more than ten years. He should leave, he should accept what she says and leave and don’t look back.

But too many nights he’s laid in bed, Beth snoozing by his side while he looked out at the stars, thinking of her. Thinking of how much he wished she was by his side instead of the woman he called wife.

And she was crying and he could never handle her tears.

So he does the worse thing he could do and walks to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him tightly. She breaks down in sobs, trying to push away. Cursing him under her breath, calling him a selfish piece of shit and she was a selfish piece of shit and was trash and all of these things that weren’t true. Couldn’t be true because she was pure, she was like the space particles after a shooting star, glimmering in his heart, stained in his mind even seconds after they disappeared. And he was the dying star, dragging her down with him in pain because he couldn’t let go.

“You are Venus,” he whispers, “Your cozy, winter mornings and bright summer days. You’re a star shower in space or the northern lights on earth. You are worthy of love and I am tainting you of it.”

He knows it – that he’s the problem and she looks away, lashes matted with mascara and her thick tears as she sniffles the snot that’s trailed down her nose. To anyone else she would be a mess but to him she was just beautiful – loved when she was vulnerable like this – and he drinks in the image because he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to relish it. She’s so mad at him but her hands have stopped pushing him away, fighting him because he always knew the right words.

“You’re a selfish asshole Chris Beck. You know that?”

Her words are broken and torn and he nods as he leans down to kiss her. Then nothing matters. His hands are hot on her skin, like a comet violently rushing through the earth’s atmosphere as his mouth tangles with hers, teeth clanging as his hands find her ass. She was so fucking beautiful, so fucking perfect and he wanted her forever.

But she wasn’t his.

She wants to stop this, wants this to end because she told herself no more, not after the last time. But he came to see her straight off the plane and maybe, just maybe, he was being honest in his words. She wants to believe, even for fifteen minutes as her hands find his curly hair, raking her hands through the short curly strands as he groans into her mouth, pulling her as he moved clumsily throughout her apartment.

He doesn’t make it far – her Beck – barely hits the couch with the back of his legs as he falls backwards and they both laugh as she stumbles on top of him, letting gravity take its course. This was how they met oh so long ago, at a college party that was way out of their league for the young witty pair. He had been looking down trying to memorize some equation for a quiz, two beers in his hands because why not, and she was too busy taking in the fucking glass ceiling and wondering how the fuck her black ass had made it into a party where you could see the stars when they bumped into each other. Beck fell back onto the pristine white coach with the cheap Keystone beer flying and Adria wasn’t far behind. It had been clumsy their landing, like they were now fifteen years later as adults, but he had looked into her big doe cinnamon eyes and knew that he was hers. Beauty wasn’t in the form of a planet – no – it was on earth and looking at him with the brightest smile.

The memory hits both of them at the same time, unbeknownst to the other, and for a second they stop tugging on the thin material of their clothing and just look at each other. Drink in the laugh lines and small strands of grey starting to emerge at their roots and ingest that fifteen years is a long time to be going through this. Adria thinks that this is the curse of all black woman – never good enough to be the wife of a prominent white men but good enough to fuck, only behind closed doors and Chris thinks that he’s too cowardly for someone as strong as her – too weak and afraid to tell Beth the truth and allow Adria be the woman he’s always wanted her to be.  

But they never say it.

Not what’s in their hearts – no – instead she leans down and kisses him. If part of the curse was to accept this fate, that she was only going to be a token and nothing more, then she was going to take what she could in this moment. He accepts it, accepts the languid way her tongue moves into his mouth, allowing her to be dominant as he his hands find her ass and pulls her closer to him, scooting the both of them so they can lay down comfortably on the couch. Her kisses taste like salted caramel – sugary sweet but littered with tears of disappointment and his hands move to her breast, kneading the supple tissue as she pulls away and moans. She was always so sensitive, such an expressive lover and he takes in the way her mouth pops into an “O”, the way she her eyes clasp close as she ruts her hips into his.

Venus was the brightest star that shone upon the ancient, the easiest to identify by the naked eye and the one who bought love and fertility. He wonders if she understood this was why it was what he lovingly called her, that Beth got nothing more than ‘honey’ because she was dull in contrast to her. She stood out always, conceived his thoughts even when he thought he rid himself of her – his Adria. The name that really meant darkness, which seemed like a joke because she provided light in his moments of darkness, the sun in which his shadow danced in.

He mentions this, later on, in a note when it doesn’t matter anymore.

For now, though, he allows himself to get lost in the way she sits up, throwing her bralette over her head as he sits up, pulling her closer to him as he suckles on her nipple. She throws her arms around him, drawing him closer as her moans fill the space, and his erection is biting into the thin material of her leggings, causing her hips to buck involuntarily. She would allow for foreplay later, when she could move past the disappointment and live in the happiness of his smile, the comfort of his voice. Right now, she needed to fuck him, to feel as dirty as her soul and she pulls away, yanking at his belt.

He purrs, deep and low and it makes her whine as her fingers brush against his erection and he’s quick to help her, to shimmy out of his pants and boxers with one swift move as she moves her pants down. Her scent was pungent, sweet and all he wanted in the moment was to get his mouth on her lips, to suck her sweetly until she had no more to give. But she’s impatient, always had been as she positions herself on top of him. He inserts himself into her, not slowly but swift and she yelps, pulling at his hair as she settles on top of him as she looks down at him. She’s still crying, tears falling down her face but there’s something else glimmering in her eyes and he knows it. Has said it too many times casually, in the context of their friendship, but too afraid to say it in person, as vulnerable as they both were now.

“I love you.”

She deserves to hear it, wants her to know that he does, that he’s so fucking afraid to be anything more but he fucking loves her before he’s pulling her on top of him and slamming her back down. She feels like a maelstrom that every part of her is getting pulled into him – Christopher Beck – that she has no control over her emotions but the senseless knowledge that has always lived within the both of them.

He loves her. Probably as long as she had loved him.

And it was too fucking late.

It’s rough, the way he pumps his hips into her, causing her to fall off the couch at one point and even though they laugh, take in the way she’s fallen between her couch and the coffee table he is quick to push the heavy wood aside so he can fill himself in her again. She wants it, wants him to fuck her raw as her nails rake down his back, her hips lifting to meet his as she looks at him. His eyes are a stormy, dangerous color, dark like denim as he tells her again and again that he loves her.

That he’s a coward.

That he has only loved her.

And he’s a fucking coward.

It resonates in her like a chord striking in a piano, reverberates in her soul as he cries and tells him she loves him too but it’s too late. When she comes, it’s loud and musical and fills his ears with his name and he fucks her harder, his dick relishing the way her walls flutter and squeeze him tight, until it’s pumping his seed into her, filling her. He see stars – not in the form of Orion or Aquila or Ursa Major. No, he sees only his Adria – the way her bright smile fills up a space or the key of her laughter or the softness of her voice. He sees the future of what he wants of them together, the world he’s too afraid to push until he’s left with darkness, nothing more than a faint memory.

She’s under him, silent because he’s never been honest with her, not like this. Beck was a dirty talker but not an intimate talker, not sweet words while he fucked her. He saved those intimate moments for beforehand, and even then he had never said that he had loved her.

If it wasn’t for the way he looked at her, those words would mean nothing. But she had never seen him look at anyone the way he had just looked at her. Not Beth or any of his ex’s.

He loved her.

The tears find themselves in the cave of her tear ducts as she looks away, shaking her head and whispering,

“What the fuck are we doing Beck?”

And he doesn’t answer because he doesn’t know anymore.

Tag List: @Sad-af1121, @whichwayisthebeach-Sebass, @theplumbclub79, @4theluvofall, @tatathekissypatato, @baezen​, @lostinthoughtsandfeelings-blog​, @plumbfondler, @pegasusdragontiger​, @prettybubblesintheair​, @docharleythegeekqueen, @brieannakeogh​, @palaiasaurus64​, @emotchalla​, @thejenniferincident​, @shayla-markele​, @supernovasandcoronas​,  @toastmaster94​, @brandybucky​, @papi-chulo-seb​, @jaamesbbarnes​, @paulxrudd, @badassbaker​, @letsalltakeanap​ @papi-chulo-bucky​, @moonbeambucky​, @jaceyfade​, @samingtonwilson​, @violentlybarnes, @wehaveathor, @buckfics​, @frostbitebakery​,  @killmongerdreams​, @plussizeappreciationfics​, @softlybarnes​, @prettyyoungtragedy​, @angryschnauzer​,  @221bshrlocked​,  @yslbucky​ @zohoffman @ssweet-empowerment@capsofwinchesters@tacohead13@harleycativy@pietrotheavenger@francezka10@papichulosebastian@obsessionsofmynerdheart@melaninmarvel@avengedqueen26@nasteaxluvgal@winterbuttmunch@nys30@buckyslongasshair@ohlumi@wellthirsted  

[for-peace-war]

Long Post! Hit J if you want to skip!

My guild has recently had a lot of conversation on Jessica Price and Peter Fries who were recently fired from ArenaNet’s Guild Wars 2 development team.  I’m pretty sure that most everyone that could care has heard about it, but what is confusing me is why people are trying to die on hills for two people that really did not come across as anything other than gatekeeping assholes.

To be clear, if you disagree with this statement then that’s fantastic.  Because I am posting this on social media, I am expressing tacit approval for you to respond to it, dislike it, deconstruct it, or whatever you wish.  This doesn’t mean that I have to like what is being said, but the condition that “if I post this on the internet, then someone may reply to it” is a fairly sound one.

To cut through a lot of the fluff, I’ll summarize:

A developer, Jessica Price, was on her personal twitter discussing the problems with MMO development.

Per usual, a mob formed to express their opinions.  It’s the Internet, so that means saying a lot of crude, disgusting, sexist, and absurd things.

Within this mess, one person - Deroir - decided to voice his own opinion.  I wouldn’t say that he’s an expert (I wouldn’t say that she was either since Guild Wars 2 is a mess...) but I will indicate that among the throngs of the “laymen” (as Fries put it), he at least has some affiliation with the IP. 

Deroir Says: Really interesting thread to read! However, allow me to disagree *slightly*. I dont believe the issue lies in the MMORPG genre itself (as your wording seemingly suggest). I believe the issue lies in the contraints of the Living Story's narrative design; (1 of 3) When you want the outcome to be the same across the board for all players' experiences, then yes, by design you are extremely limited in how you can contruct the personality of the PC. (2 of 3) But, if instead players were given the option to meaningfully express *their* character through branching dialogue options (which also aren't just on the checklist for an achievement that forces you through all dialogue options), (3 of 4 cause I count seemingly...) then perhaps players would be more invested in the roleplaying aspect of that particular MMORPG. Nonetheless, I appreciate the insightful thread! (End)

To which Price replies: thanks for trying to tell me what we do internally, my dude 9_9

And Deroir replies: You getting mad at my obvious attempt at creating dialogue and discussion with you, instead of just replying that I am wrong or otherwise correct me in my false assumptions, is really just disheartening for me. You do you though. I'm sorry if it offended. I'll leave you to it.

The above is their initial discourse and honestly because I don’t feel like posting all of the tirade that follows, I’ll leave it at that for now.

The initial concern was: Should Jessica Price have been fired for ‘going off’ on Deroir? An example of things said:

“Like, the next rando asshat who attempts to explain the concept of branching dialogue to me — as if, you know, having worked in game narrative for a fucking DECADE, I have never heard of it — is getting instablocked. PSA I’m not on the clock here. I’m not your emotional courtesan just because I’m a dev. Don’t expect me to pretend to like you here.”

That is not acceptable, at all.  I would fire anyone that was interacting with my customers while being associated with me, on the basis of that alone.  It is true that she was on her own “private” account, but she was discussing work related information, using her work related title, and using her work related position to open a dialogue (or a monologue, as it seems) with those that were actively purchasing my product.

There have been arguments that he mansplained (read: explained something to her as if she were unaware despite her experience based on her gender) and then secondary calls that “she had dealt with a lot of harassment before so this wasn’t her fault,” but those are two faulty premises:

First, because she was the one that opened this discussion on social media.  If she wanted to avoid responses or only take on “educated information” then she could have either placed it in an article or circulated her complaint among her former co-workers. 

Second, if there was a sea of hateful people that had been harassing her, then this hardly seems like the right time to “take it out” on someone.  I do not know the struggles of women on the Internet, but I know what it’s like be a black person on the Internet so I can say only that while it is true that you will always assume a certain amount of hostility, just taking it out on the first person that speaks is absurd.  

If, for example, there really was a rabid mob crying for Price’s blood, then why wouldn’t she unload her ‘emotional courtesan’ spiel on them and not someone that as objectively as possible was being inoffensive if not a bit tone deaf to her mood? The self-fulfilling remedy that he “was mansplaining” as justification for her very rude tirade absolutely does not address that his only offense was again, speaking to a very neutral point.

What is worse, this has become a matter of someone being fired over her gender rather than the truth of the matter, which is that she was just an asshole.  People are canceled, rightly, from minority groups all the time.  If Kanye West flew off the handle on someone, I wouldn’t rush to defend the ‘slavery is a choice” dude even if it is good to have black men in the spotlight.  Cut the string and let them drown under the undertow of their own shit, as far as I am concerned.

Arguing that systemic oppression mandates random aggression is not appropriate.  Certainly it explains why it happens, but as we all have our own independent dignities then you cannot justify a random attack as one that was “deserved.” Let us remove from the discourse that Deroir was a person affiliated with GW2 and leave it simply at a person says something that a person at a public forum doesn’t like.  Because, private or not, twitter is public and social media...  And that person then starts shouting at them for being an asshole, in what way is that permissible or excusable?

It isn’t.  The company was right to fire her, not because of “capitalism” or “corporatism” but because she acted out of line.  If anything, many of us have learned there is a higher burden against us for the fact we are of a protected class, yet that is not an excuse not to aspire and to strive.  Female developers are pretty undervalued and underrepresented in the gaming industry, so why would she throw away her chance like that?

If you argue, “well she doesn’t have the responsibility of putting on for anyone else other than herself,” then you immediately invalidate the need to protect her.  Being a woman is not the same as being a representative of what women can do. Margaret Thatcher and Joan Rivers are not hailed as feminist icons for a reason.

Now the “gatekeeping asshole” part comes up when you get into the nitty gritty of what Fries, who was also fired (and as far as I know identifies as a male), added to the conversation:

“Here’s a bit of insight that I legitimately hope he reflects on: she never asked for his feedback. These are our private social media accounts — imagine you’re an astronomer and you start sharing some things you’ve learned in the last few months since you began a research project observing Saturn, only to have observation techniques explained to you by a layman ... Jessica is great at her job and deserves to be treated with respect.”

The sentiment doesn’t hold water for quite a few reasons, so let’s deconstruct those because that’s what this post is about.

First, we’ve already touched on “these are private social media accounts.”  Yes, we know they are “off the clock,” but they are discussing their job all the same.

The example of an astronomer also really sets the pace for what is to follow though. Is a game developer like an astronomer?  A person that more or less puts down the tracks that players work through? I don’t think the requirements between the two are remotely similar, but let’s move beyond that and say, an astro-physicist like Neil deGrasse Tyson decides to get into a conversation with some people at a local pub!

Neil is a little miffed about research on Saturn’s observation and one of the pub goers chimes in that maybe it’d help if they used some of the techniques learned in deep sea exploration to observe Saturn.  

Immediately, Neil says “Thanks for the non-answer, my dude” and then returns to say “And by the way, you colonizing piece of shit, I work at the Rose Center of Earth and I know than you ever possibly could, so next time you open your mouth remember that I know more than you ever will because I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you, shithead. I’m not your emotional porchmonkey.”

I mean...

I assume you’re going to get a tap from someone about how that wasn’t okay to say? Now even if there were a lot of people getting boisterous, why pick that person out? Even if this is your “go in moment” why pick a person that’s inoffensive?  Because you have something to prove.  And well, the company has something to prove as well: it isn’t going to allow its image to be tarnished.

But at the heart of it, is this concept that the people she discussed this with are the knuckle dragging laymen incapable of understanding the Promethean wonder that is game development.  If that is the case, then why discuss it at all?  The questions continue to pile and the explanations became weaker.

In the end, I don’t like ArenaNet but I also think Reddit is a disgusting pit of scumbag racists, sexists, and shitlords.  That being said, it really sucks that both of these companies had an easy pass to drop two people that were clearly negative elements to their environments.  

This isn’t a hill worth dying on.  Hell, this isn’t even a hill worth stopping and getting a picture of.  Because at the end of the day?

Jessica Price isn’t right. 

[gigayak]

Comics and Caius

Victor Von Doom bantering with Tony Stark in Tree Court, Gonville and Caius, Cambridge England. From Invincible Iron Man 13 (Marvel, 2016) Iron Man and Dr Doom reminisce in Tree Court, Gonville and Caius College, Cambridge

Victor Von Doom bantering with Tony Stark in Tree Court, Gonville and Caius, Cambridge England. From Invincible Iron Man 13 (Marvel, 2016)

In fiction, Billionaire playboy industrialists are wont to lose sight of both their past and their future, with potentially devastating consequences. When Tony Stark, the Invincible Iron Man, is teleported (against his will) by reformed marvel villain Victor Von Doom, he finds himself standing in the Tree Court of Gonville and Caius College Cambridge.

Tree Court. CREDIT: Gonville and Caius College website

The former Caian then engages on a voyage of discovery from a past forgotten, dressed very casually as the sharply-attired Victor Von Doom (experimenting in heroism as the Infamous Iron Man) prompts a realignment of Tony’s moral compass.

Von Doom, himself expelled from State University in New York for performing unethical experiments, gives Stark a comprehensive tour around Cambridge. The industrialist returns to the MRC Laboratory where he had his first taste of research and academia prior to inheriting his father’s weapons-manufacturing business. He is in a contemplative mood throughout.

Stark is not alone. We all go through moments in life when we have to find ourselves again. Perhaps, whilst breathing in the pungent Wisteria flowers adorning the Tutorial Office of Caius, Tony reminisced about an age of innocence, before he had to make difficult decisions with world-changing implications.

The Tutorial Office covered in Wisteria

What is it about this quaint section of Gonville and Caius’ Tree Court which lends itself to a representation in the comics medium? It lacks the iconic postcard-selling grandeur King’s College Chapel or Trinity College’s Grand Court. This is a unique, Cinderella tower-like corner which can easily be missed when visiting Tree Court, famed primarily for the succession of unique hornbeams lining its avenue.

Hornbeams in Tree Court. CREDIT: Gonville and Caius College website

Perhaps, this specific corner of Tree Court simply evokes mystical connotations which are suitable for the illustrated word, and are a fitting place for Von Doom and Stark to do a tête-à-tête, and remember bygone times.

Whilst attending Caius, one wonders if Tony Stark spent any time talking to Professor Sir Stephen Hawking, who was based in Gonville and Caius for many decades and sadly passed away recently. Certainly, Professor Hawking’s advice about the nature of wormholes might have helped Stark in the first Avengers movie, which does not elaborate on how he managed to survive his experience.

A portrait of Professor Sir Stephen Hawking in the Dining Hall of Gonville and Caius College. CREDIT: University of Cambridge website

It is not only Marvel Comics which has set scenes in the Tree Court. The genre-breaking japanese manga “Pluto” also appears to use this corner in its story.

Tree Court, sans Wisteria. CREDIT: Pluto: Urasawa x Tezuka

Despite being a story about androids, Pluto is arguably the most human of Japanese master storyteller Naoki Urasawa’s manga masterpieces, as he simultaneously builds upon and subverts Osamu Tezuka’s classic Astro Boy. Does this scene pay homage to famous Caians such as nuclear physicist and discoverer of the neutron Sir James Chadwick, Professor Sir Stephen Hawking or John Venn. Who knows?

Tree Court, circa 1870, CREDIT: Kimberly Blaker, New Boston Fine and Rare Books

Long may comics continue to include this mysterious corner in their illustrations.

[spaceexp]

Geneva scientist questioning dark matter

University of Geneva logo. Nov. 23, 2017 André Maeder, professor at the University of Geneva, questions the theory of dark matter and dark energy.

Image above: André Maeder, Honorary Professor, Department of Astronomy, Faculty of Science, University of Geneva (UNIGE). (Photo: Screenshot RTS). Dark matter and dark energy haunt the minds of physicists for a long time. These mysterious and elusive elements explain the movement of stars in galaxies and the acceleration of the expansion of the Universe. A researcher from Geneva questions this approach. André Maeder, Honorary Professor in the Department of Astronomy of the Faculty of Science at the University of Geneva (UNIGE) believes that the commonly accepted model of the Big Bang followed by an expansion, which uses dark matter and black energy, does not take into account the "scale invariance of the vacuum". This expression means that the vacuum and its properties do not change as a result of expansion or contraction. "When we add the hypothesis of the scale invariance of the void, we see a very very small term of outward acceleration that opposes the gravitational force," explained Maeder. Low density media On Earth, this term is insignificant, but in very sparse environments, like the edges of a galaxy or clusters of galaxies, it becomes relatively important, continued the professor. It thus makes it possible to account for the high speeds of stars on the borders of a galaxy. He also explains why, in clusters made up of hundreds of galaxies, the movements observed are faster than what the visible mass would allow. Professor Maeder also finds that his model predicts the acceleration of the expansion of the Universe without any particle or ounce of dark energy being needed.

Image above: The M81 spiral galaxy, photographed by Subaru and Hubble telescopes. Image Credits: Roberto Colombari & Robert Gendler. To be able to dispense with dark matter or dark energy to explain certain cosmological phenomena would constitute a scientific upheaval. For decades, researchers have been trying to identify dark matter through the establishment of very important means, such as at CERN, for example. Encouraging beginnings The hypothesis of André Maeder opens a way to raise issues and controversies, admits the UNIGE in a statement. The Geneva astronomer wants for the moment modest. The first confrontations with the observations are very encouraging, but nothing is ever acquired, he said. The results of Dr. Maeder's research have been published in the journal The Astrophysical Journal. University of Geneva, Astronomical Observatory - article: http://www.unige.ch/sciences/astro/en/news/natural-material-and-natural-energy-request/ University of Geneva: http://www.unige.ch/sciences/astro/en/ Images (mentioned), Text, Credits: Nxp/ATS/Orbiter.ch Aerospace/Roland Berga. Best regards, Orbiter.ch Full article

[narika-a]

Get To Know Me Tag

I was tagged by @ikonicwriting. I feel like I have done this a few times already but it’s fun to do this and stuff changes, so thanks for the tag~~

Rules: Answer 30 questions then tag 20 Blogs

Nicknames: None besides some random words my sis calls me 😂 I actually don’t particularly like when people shorten my real name. Gender: Female Star sign: Taurus Height: 167 cm Time: 03.01 AM GMT Birthday: May 4th Favorite bands: I won’t even start with kpop, there is too many 😂 Some of my other faves would be: Sakanaction, Arctic Monkeys, Half Moon Run Favorite solo artists: who knows at this point  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Song stuck in my head: History - Might Just Die Last movie I watched: Push Last show I watched: Битва экстрасенсов (or ‘ The Battle of Extrasensory’ in English) When did I create my blog: About 4 years ago?? What do I post: Anything I like tbh, from kpop to science 😂 Last thing googled: Aaron White (I wanted to find out if he’s perhaps of Irish descent. He has been playing so well in ‘Žalgiris’ 😂) Do you have other blogs: Nope Do you get asks: It depends how active I am, definitely not daily Why did you chose your URL:  Just a name I came up with for an original character from a comic I created when I was like 8? or something 😂 I was so proud of it because there was no one with a name like that (except when I googled it after a while I found out that there is one like from a hentai or something and I was like what the fuck and then years later came “Conception 2″, so yeah there are more character like this now) and it stuck with me to this day, I use it almost everywhere 😂 Okay rant over Following: 848 Followers:  6,462 Favorite colors: Purple (any shades of violet) Average hours of sleep: 7-9 on days off, 5-7 on work days Lucky number: 4?? 5?? 7?? Don’t really have one Instruments: None at the moment. I used to play a Lithuanian instrument called ‘kanklės’ tho What am I wearing: My PJs, bathrobe, warm socks and slippers. It’s hella cold 😂 How many blankets I sleep with: At least 2 Dream job: Astronomer/astro physicist/astronaut Dream trip: Out of this Earth 😂 Or if in here then definitely Japan~ Favorite food: 'Cepelinai’!!! I could eat it all day every day 😂 Nationality: Lithuanian Favorite song right now: SF9 - Easy Love

I’m gonna tag more people for once: @heebiejbies, @bubblyemotions, @aleaexo, @lis-redfox, @kttendrama, @got-7bangtan-boys, @pearylove, @9byul, @crying-axolotl, @saki8102, @eoljjangxxi, @turtle-bo1, @miahbtsarmy, @justabreathe, @yueliangs-wonderland, @xilsel

[sometimesbryce]

talk about an ellie

(The girl I know spells her name differently, but we'll pretend it's the same exact name!) Ellie. Her hair is brown and curly, shooting out from the top of her head. She's had it at different lengths most of her life, but at each length it's somehow perfectly her. I know her from... well. I know her. She was a friend of a friend who somehow always had a knack for keeping me around. And then it was just us, always with a cast of friends and family around us. I wouldn't necessarily say that I found her, but rather that she found me. She hates driving and loves dogs. She's the smartest and most interesting person you'd ever meet. I'm not saying if you put her against an Astro physicist she'd win - the knowledge she has is different. She's fluent (or damn near close) in ASL, has a rich appreciation and wealth of knowledge for her religious heritage, she could talk your ear off about various conventions she's attended, books she's read, movies she's watched, and theater shows she's seen and not seen. She fixes her attention completely on something, and preservers until it somehow becomes a piece of her. Once, she decided to learn German simply because she had a friend whose native language was German and she wanted to connect with her in a more authentic way. And she was curious. Imagine being so in love with the world, you do all that for a language you'll likely never use. But that's who she is. If you asked her about herself, she wouldn't mention how her eyes light up when she's talking about the woman she loves. She speaks so fast about her, you'll worry for a moment she'll faint. Then, after you have a full sense of her, she'll end her description with some variation of "oh my god, I'm in LOVE with her" and she'll hit the inflection of the "love" so hard you'll spend the rest of your life looking for that kind of connection. She might say, however, how she feels about herself, and you'll swear to her god and yours that you'd do anything, everything to get her to see herself through your eyes. But you'll love her even more because she can't. Maybe that love you have, that inadequate, hard-to-live-up-to love, will somehow collect, and expand so far it stretches longer than the starry night portrait she has painted on her ceiling. Maybe then you'll feel like you've earned her friendship. But until then, you'll always feel undeserving. Thankfully though, when you're with her, you'll be so distracted by the passion she has for her life, that you'll forget all about your own inadequacies. That's Ellie.