#at least I’ve gotten over the hardest part by actually keeping on track for the first few days

[daezedglownut]

Dad’s in hospital. Again. 8C

[harrywritingsbyme]

Insecure

Based Off Of This Ask 

And This One Too

A/N: I had a MASSIVE brain fart once I finally started writing so i hope this one doesn’t suck...enjoy🙃

Like every other person in this world, Harry too had his moments of heightened insecurity. Even though he absolutely loved having a bit of an age gap in between the two of you, being with a younger woman tended to bring light to some of the inevitable aspects of getting older. He was as far as he could possibly be with the majority of the those things, but the main one that stuck out to Harry the most though was his graying hair. It started off with a couple of sporadic hairs throughout the thick and luscious patch of curls that covered his entire head. But after a while, and a short one at that, the gray began to invade his entire head. Now his hair was still the same in terms of being thick curly and luscious, it just changed a different color. At least, that’s the way you looked at it. Harry on the other hand took this as him getting so old that he was unattractive and ultimately undatable to you. Which was not the case at all. He considered having chocolate brown curls as an indicator of youth and now that he no longer had it, Harry tended to get a bit downhearted and insecure when he took a look into the mirror just to be met with a head of gray hair. 

But luckily for him, he had the best cheerleader in the entire world. You. 

Now you weren’t doing cartwheels and backflips. But you were spreading your legs for him at any given moment. When you first saw Harry’s gray hair, you were floored. You were literally trying to figure out how someone managed to get hotter as the got older. To you, he was the epitome of aging like fine wine. The dark gray with the perfectly placed patches of lighter more silver hair fit him perfectly. You couldn’t believe how good he looked. And you made sure to tell him that. Even before you were able to fully see that he was a bit insecure about the new hair color, you were constantly doting on him and gushing over how good he looked. You were all over him to say the least. He looked so good that you went as far as to consider skipping a little bit ahead to the baby making so that he could be a dilf. For you, the gray hair was magical. Him being older, mature, hot, and a great person was good enough for you, you’d already gotten your icing on the cake. But the gray was like an extra layer of icing plus sprinkles. And even if you weren’t an excessive fan of the color like you were, you loved Harry. Harry meant everything to you. So brown hair or not, he was still the man you fell in love with and will continue falling deeper and deeper in love with. But despite your continued, love and arousal filled efforts, Harry’s insecurity still lingered inside of him and tended to pop up from time to time. 

And today just so happened to be one of those days. 

After a mutual showering of cuddles, kisses, and amazing morning sex of course, it was time to get up. And per usual, Harry was the first one to pull back the covers and actually embrace the day ahead of him while you nuzzled yourself down into the covers and waited for him to drag you out of the bed. It was you guys’ morning routine at this point. Normally after about a couple minuets of using the bathroom and brushing his teeth, Harry’d come back into the bedroom to pull you out of bed so that you too could get started on the day. But those couple minuets ran a much longer this morning, and after a while you started to get concerned at the complete silence that was now consuming both rooms. So despite the fact that you were perfectly comfortable with being burrowed under the covers with Harry’s warm cum deep inside your tummy, you  pull yourself out of the bed and you waddle over and into the bathroom to check in on Harry.

“What’s wrong baby?” You ask him softly once fully in the bathroom. You could see him staring intently at the mirror with a bit of a downcast look on his face. When he doesnt’ reply, you simply move behind him and wrap your arms around his midsection, holding his larger body in your arms. 

“Think I might dye it.” Harry huffs, finally speaking to you about what’s made him so glum.

“You’re gonna what?!” You were completely shocked by this newfound information. And even though you were all for doing what makes you happy, you couldn’t let Harry do this. Without saying another word to him, you unwrap yourself from him and you move around so that you’re in front. You then push yourself in-between him and the counter before hoisting yourself up to be right in his face. “Now why on earth would you ever think about doing that baby?” You coo, bringing your hands up to cup his cheeks.

“Just don’t want t’look old. Plus I don’t want anything to be weird for you.” He replies, trying to articulate why exactly he wants to dye his gray locks. 

“Harry, you do not look old. And nothing is weird for me. If you think that people consider you, my delicious boyfriend, to be old and decrepit…you’re sadly mistaken!” You firmly reassure him. It was time for you to assume your role as cheerleader and become Harry’s “hypewoman” so that he can regain that confidence and own every last strand of gray hair on his head.

“S’just-“ 

“No, you listen me. You are the hottest, sexiest, most delicious man I’ve ever laid eyes on. And the gray hair intensifies that by a million.” You begin, passionately laying out all the facts for him to understand.

“Really?” He whispers doubtfully, bringing his hands up to place his hands over yours.

“Yes! You are the sexiest. Like you’re older than me, and so mature while still being incredibly sexy. It makes me so wet and needy for you.” You sigh dreamily, lifting your legs up and around his legs to tug him closer between your spread legs. “Just looking at you right now makes my mouth and pussy water baby.” You continue on. Right now, Harry was getting a major ego and confidence boost from you. He knew that you felt like this, but hearing you say it right now in this moment was hitting him on a completely different level. Not only was he starting to feel better, he was also starting to get aroused from your words. 

“Really baby? Didn’t know you liked it this much.” He replies, removing his hands from yours and bringing them down to your thighs so that he can pull you closer to the edge. 

“You’re so hot daddy.” You whisper finally, before pulling his face down so that you could smear your lips against his. And once you do, Harry’s mind is instantly in a million pieces. Like he was starting to feel a little buzz circulating through his body as you spoke. But now that he was feeling you on him, the was not only buzzing, he was on fire. As you kiss, Harry submits to  you and allows for you to pull the reigns on this one. You were on a mission to make him feel hot and confident, so if you needed to be kinda sorta aggressive and strong, so be it. Your hands had made their way up and into his hair, your legs were wrapped around him, and his hands were moving back and forth between your hips and thighs; Everything was perfect. After giving him a good makeout for a couple more minuets, you decide to throw in one last thing that would bring him back up to his normal and pretty confident self. 

“And I think that you’re especially hot when you’re between my legs eating my pussy. I love pulling on these gray curls.” You hum against his lips. 

Right now, Harry felt like he could fly. His confidence was back and he was ready to put his sexiness to use and be especially hot like you said. And the way to do that is to bury his head between your thighs and get a taste of your undoubtedly delicious cunt. When he hears the words leave your mouth, Harry wastes no time springing into action. He pulls you closer to the edge and hoists you up into his arms before making a dash back into the bedroom. Since you were clinging onto him, as he crawled back onto the bed you were right below him still moaning against his lips as the you both moved in Harry with each other. He then lifts himself up a bit from you, spreading your legs apart and breaking the kiss. 

“Now are you back to being the cocky little shit that I know and love?” You ask playfully, looking up to him in hopes of getting a yes answer.

“Mhm.” Harry mumbles through a chuckle. 

“And are you going to eat my pussy now because I feel like we’re on that track?” You question further. 

“Mhm.” Harry mumbles again in response, slowly inching his way lower and lower towards the area between your legs. 

“Yay.” You sigh happily, dropping your head down against the bed to relax and just enjoy  the ride. 

Once Harry is fully down between your legs, he only spends a second admiring your messy pussy before diving in. His mouth is open wide as he covers most of your sticky mound and begins to lap his tongue up and down your folds. And as he did this, he’d push his tongue in so that he could really go in and fully lick into you. He also swirled and sucked on the most sensitive parts of your cunt. He knows your body inside and out so when it came to really pushing his tongue up down and inside your pussy, you had no doubts that Harry was going to really give it to you. As he does, your hands are stationed in his hair as he pleasures you. You manage keep a bit of a tight grip on him, trying your hardest to keep him as close as possible to you. You just wanted his mouth and hands all over you and you never wanted it to end. 

While you were moaning your little heart out and calling out to daddy from how good it felt, Harry couldn’t have been better. He was throughly enjoying having his mouth on your cum filled pussy. He could taste a pleasant and delicious mixture of the two of you. It was so good that you could feel him sucking on your pussy to pull every last drop out, and he instructed you to push it out. He even moaned loudly against you, causing the vibrations to go right through your sensitive clit.

“Fuck daddy! Feel so good!” You out loudly to him. To get even deeper, Harry uses his hands that were scratching at and pinching your thighs to pull your cunt apart. This way, he was able to really eat you and push you to your release even quicker.  When you feel his tongue prodding at your entrance you almost lose it. You’re squirming against the bed as he pushes his tongue against your hole. 

“Like it when daddy eats this pretty cunt babydoll?” Harry asks, lifting his mouth up from you. 

“So much daddy!” You whimper, feeling one of his fingers vigorously circling your clit.

“Daddy loves eating your precious cunt too.” He replies matter of factory before spitting right down onto you and moving to lick into you again. 

As he continues on, you can feel your release getting closer and closer. Your stomach is tight and warm, and you can feel a bit of pressure down there. Your hands get even tighter in Harry’s hair as your release gets even closer. 

“M’gonna cum daddy!” You whine out to him. When you say this, you let him know to amp it up a bit. So he moves his mouth up so suck on your swollen little clit, and pushes two fingers into you. He then begins to quickly fuck them in and out of you. As he moves them, Harry also curls them up into you so that he’s hitting your sweet spot as much as possible since he’s using his fingers this time. As his sucks on your clit get harder and his fingers become faster, your release is fast approaching and you can feel yourself beginning to slip right off the edge. “Fuck!” You cry out to him, not being able to hold it any longer and slipping right over into your release. When you feel your orgasm wash over your entire being, your body immediately relaxes and practically melts into the bed. It feels so good. And because you were with an older experienced man, you were able to feel this and more on a very regular basis. Once you’ve come down from your high a little and you’ve caught your breath, you turn your attention to Harry to do one final check in. 

“Now are you feeling better baby?” You ask, moving you hand to the side of his face. 

“Yeah, thanks baby. I love you.” Harry replies sweetly, keeping his head on your thigh and giving the other a squeeze. 

“I love you too babe.” You reply happily.

“Get ready for a round 3 in the shower.” Harry announces, already getting geared for another pleasure filled round. 

Even though Harry was the older one, you were the one getting worn out.

Masterlist

[marcherarrant]

"On this day, March 1st 2021, Marcher Arrant sets off for his biggest walk yet...a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail."Here we go!!! This is so surreal,  I can't believe this is happening! I'm excited and nervous! This is so much more than a walk. Every walk I do is. It is my way of life, my art, my therapy,  my source of meaning, ect. But this walk in particular is something even more. This walk is the crossing over of a threshold. It is a self created rite of passage, a new beginning. As a Walker my I embrace a philosophy of becoming, of constant movement, of no beginning or ending, constant flux. That being said, there are moments of being, moments when flowers bloom. I'm in love with shows and movies in which you see people become their destiny. It's perhaps a banal example but the first show that comes to mind is Better Call Saul. I watched that with such joy seeing him become the sleazy lawyer he was meant to become. I was destined to become this person I have always dreamt myself to be, Marcher Arrant. This walk is where I become him fully.  I made a real life flag as a symbol of that. I was born a Walker. I began walking more than those around me when I was in 6th or 7th grade. And my love for it has continually grown through the years and there have been countless thresholds I've crossed that have been pivotal in marking me for my destiny. It was around middle school or early high school that I walked from my house to downtown Columbus,  a 4 hour walk. I later walked there and back. Years later I walked the tracks from Boulder, Colorado to Denver, a twelve hour walk. I ended up doing that walk a lot. Eventually I walked to Denver and back, walking for more than 24 hours without stopping. Then I started doing aimless 24 hour walks all the time. I moved to Paris. From there I did my first long distance walk, a month-long  trip from Paris to Rocessvelles, Spain. That opened up a whole new door. I then walked the entire length of every street in Paris. And on and on and on... so many walks. In Paris,  maybe 10 years ago now, thanks to my homie Curve (@thecurvazoid, forever grateful) I began toying with graff, came up with my character and name. I later moved to Spain and did many more walks.  For most of my life my walking was something personal that I did not share with anyone. I thought it romantic, beautiful and pure that my art was just for me.  But then I had a health scare and it was then I got the urge to share what I do online. I felt I had something unique to offer the world and I did not want to die without sharing it.  I am glad I did because doing so gave my life so much more meaning.  I then got into making art and books and fell in love with that.  2 years ago I decided that before I did another big walk that I would catch my art up to my life and make books and art from all my previous walks so that when I did the next walk I could focus for the first time on making art and a book while I was doing the walk instead of going back and doing it after the fact. I finished all the art and books for my past walks. This is the first walk where everything comes together for the first time, the walk, the art, the book, the graffiti. Also over the last two years I decided to set up for myself work so that I will always have a job no matter where in the world I am so that I can walk with no pause. I began an online English teaching business. It was a long road to be able to get enough students so that I could make a living from it.  I have finally gotten to the point where I am fully booked. I begin my dream life now, a sustainable life where through art and teaching English I can walk forever and take care of myself.  My dream is to spend my life walking the world, alternating from long distance walks to living in new cities and fully exploring those, walking every street and painting and making art.  This is a dream come true, my idiosyncratic idea of the perfect life, a life I will never tire of, one that suits who I am in the most perfect way.  I am in love with the writer Nietzsche who philosophy was about making your life a work of art, living in a way that ties together all the aspects of you into a beautiful whole. The work I have done over the past few years with the walking, the graffiti, the English teaching, the art and books, the travel and how they have all tied together at this moment, with this walk, I have accomplished this goal of making my life a work of art and tying all the aspects of my life into a harmony. No matter what happens in my life now, I can die happy having accomplished this. For me, it is a sort of intangible form of art, my greatest accomplishment.  It is so hard to figure out who you are and what you want when there is no precursor to it. I am so fucking proud of myself for believing in my strange vision despite the fact that until very recently it never gave me a cent, never did anything to advance my life or do anything for me besides the meaning it gave to me. It is so hard to keep doing something that seems to everyone around you, to society, to be utterly useless. You have to be brave and trust your vision. 

The hardest part of any walk for me is getting to the starting point.  I grew up pretty poor.  When you grow up poor, at least for me, everything seems so out of reach.  You have this unconscious feeling that you would never be able to do so many things.  This is great because when you do those things your mind is just blown and you  are so amazed and in disbelief and you don’t take it for granted in the slightest.  I never in a million years thought I would be able to live in another country.  I thought that was something rich people do which is totally untrue but that is just the kind of mentality you have when you grow up poor.  When I moved to Europe it was surreal. Every single day, for the ten years I lived there, I was in total awe that I was there. I did not have a single boring day. Every single day I could not believe I lived there and that did not lessen a single minute bit the entire time I lived there.  It is the same way I feel about doing long distance walks. I was so amazed by the idea of the Appalachian Trail when I was a kid. But I thought only rich people could do it.  The fact that I am setting out to do it today is absolutely surreal. I am in total disbelief that I am doing it. I keep getting scared that somehow something is going to happen so that I can’t do it. I don’t take it for granted in the slightest that I get to do it.  It literally feels like a miracle to me. And there are so many to thank for it.  First I want to thank my mom and step dad who let me live at their house rent free while I worked on starting my online English teaching business and making barely any money.  I never could have started my business without them and saved the money I have.  I thank my grandma, my dad and step mom, my sisters, my brother and all my family who have helped me so much. Thank you so so so much to the people who have bought art, books, stickers from me over the past couple years, people who have given me donations, people who bought shirts, pins ect. I never could have done this walk without that support and I am eternally grateful and forever in your debt. I take none of that for granted. Thank you for all the kind words, messages and comments, you have no idea how much that has helped me to keep on. You have no idea. No fucking idea. I could kiss every last one of you. These past two years have been two of the hardest years of my life. For the past year I worked 7 days a week, waking up at 4:30am. For various reasons I went through some horrendous depression, so many suicidal thoughts. So many times I wanted to take the money I saved for this walk and check myself into a mental hospital. All the positive words from people really helped me to keep on. Thank you so much.  Thank you to my crew, the Abe Lincoln Brigade, Impeach, Hank, and Alamo. I’m so grateful and honored to be in a crew with such legends, people who I’ve always idolized. Thanks again to Curve (@thecurvazoid) for giving me one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given, the gift of getting me creating art.  And thank you to Art Primo (@artprimo ) for sponsoring this walk with art supplies. Not only does this help financially but the fact that such a legendary company believes in what I do enough to give me supplies is such an honor and so fucking encouraging. 

There are two new things that I am doing with this walk. One, is that I will be making art with the guidebook pages as I do the walk. I have already made art with maps from my walks, but I did it after I did the walk. This is the first time I will be making art as I am actually doing the walk. I am so in love with this idea. And I love that when I send the art it will be from whatever town I am in along the walk. I think that makes the envelope itself kinda a piece of art. Selling art along the way will also make it so I spend the money for my trip at a slower rate and hopefully not end totally broke like I usually do. The second new thing I will be doing is making it so people can follow my walk online. I have a gps device that also tracks me and sends that information to a website. I think that’s kinda fun and cool. It also makes it so if you want to meet up and you see I’m near you you can reach out. A lot of people have offered me a place to stay or just meet up and I am so disorganized that It makes it hard to remember all the people and where they live. Hopefully this helps to make meeting up possible. You can follow my walk at share.garmin.com/marcherarrant. Again, thank you all for everything!

[cakers-2000]

~Karma’s A Bitch~ (Chuuya Nakahara X Fem!Reader)

I am obsessed with Chuuya, I love him so much 🥺

I’m always open and down for Bungo requests guys!

Getting serious for a minute I absolutely adore Kokichi and Danganronpa but I’d like to be known for other stuff too!

Bungo Stray Dogs is my all time favorite anime so It’d be nice to have some Bungo requests if any of you are down for that.

This is the first piece that I’ve written straight from my own ideas and wasn’t Kokichi related in a very long time and I don’t know it just felt really good. I’m not saying I don’t want to write for Kokichi ever again, I absolutely adore him but there’s so many other fandoms I wanna write for as well!

I hope you guys understand if I like take a break from writing Danganronpa stuff every once in awhile, I won’t straight up drop it but it’s nice to have a change of pace every once in awhile! ❤️❤️

Word Count: 1.9k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chuuya had a bit of a temper problem, you figured that out quickly. But when it came to anything regarding you, he was even faster to anger than normal. If one of his subordinates (or really any man, or even sometimes women on the street) even so much as looked at you he turned into a ball of fury that nobody but you could stop.

Chuuya was currently holding a meeting with his many subordinates to talk about some… problems that had erupted within his division lately. You went with him, of course. You weren’t a part of the Port Mafia but everyone knew that he hardly ever let you leave his side. You were practically glued together, though you didn’t mind. Hell at this point everyone knew that the two of you were a thing, and everyone knew not to fuck around with what was Chuuya’s.

But apparently one of his subordinates hadn’t been given the message.

He had only left for a few minutes to use the restroom, but when he came back the room had fallen eerily silent.

Except for the sound of a man’s voice, bragging about his ‘amazing kill streak’.

And except for the sound of your awkward laughter, sounding almost desperate as all you wanted was for the other man to leave you alone. He watched, arms crossed and rage bubbling within him as he waited for the other man to notice his presence.

“But yeah, I’ve killed at least a hundred people tops.”

“That’s… nice…”

“So uh, you wanna maybe see a movie or something once this meeting is over? I see you hanging around Chuuya a lot but I can show you a pretty good time too.” He smiled a big, cocky grin your way and moved so that he spoke directly in your ear, his hand falling onto your arm and gently tracing his fingers along your skin. “And maybe after we could go back to my place. I can guarantee I’m a hundred times better in bed than that shortstack.”

You shuddered as you felt his breath hit your face, you were beyond uncomfortable and extremely angry at the fact that this man even had the balls to suggest he was better than Chuuya at ANYTHING. Chuuya could tell instantly just how bad you wanted to escape when your eyes locked with his. He let his anger run wild and within seconds he drew out his gun, so fast you had barely seen his hand even move and placed the barrel directly on the side of the man’s head. “Just who the hell do you think you are? Who gave you permission to touch her? Who gave you permission to even TALK to her, cause I know I sure as hell didn’t.”

The man quickly pulled his hand away from your arm and held them up in defense. You took the opportunity to slide next to Chuuya, holding onto his jacket with a tight grip. This was the first time any of his men had ever tried to make any moves on you, and you had to admit it was kind of scary, they were all members of a mafia so it wasn’t as if you were dealing with a random boy on the street flirting with you. These people were dangerous, and that included your boyfriend but you at least knew you could trust him.

“I-I’m sorry sir I didn’t think it was a big deal I-”

“Didn’t think it was a big deal!? You openly insinuated that you wanted to fuck, god I should just fucking kill you right now!”

“P-Please don’t!”

Chuuya let out a ‘tsk’ sound and brought the gun down to his side, glancing in your direction as he felt your arm practically shaking out of fear, though he couldn’t tell if it was him or the other man that was scaring you.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen.” In one quick motion he kicked his leg up, slamming his foot onto the man’s shoulder, putting more and more pressure until the man was screaming in pain. “You’re going to apologize to her and then, you’re going downstairs for awhile.”

“N-No Chuuya please I promise I’ll-”

There was another aggressive stomp of Chuuya’s foot and you cringed as you heard the loud snapping sound that followed. The man’s scream was ear piercing and most of the other men in the room had to cover their own ears but Chuuya stayed perfectly still, not flinching at all.

“You don’t get it bastard! You touched something that didn’t belong to you. You flirted with MY girlfriend. You play by the rules here, by my rules, and anyone who breaks the rules receives proper punishment.”

He grabbed hold of your arm gently and pulled you so that you stood beside him, though still allowed you to hold onto him for comfort.

Deep down he truly felt bad for making you witness this. He knew how much you hated his mafia tactics but at the same time he wasn’t going to let this man get away with what he had done to you. In Chuuya’s eyes you were an innocent princess who needed protection, and this man had tried to taint your innocent aura. That was enough to push him off the deep end.

“Apologize to her.”

“But-”

He dug his foot into his shoulder with even more force at hearing protest.

“NOW!”

And the man spoke to you through tears. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Satisfied, Chuuya finally moved his leg back to the ground and stood above the man who had curled himself into a ball on the floor. He let out a scoff at seeing the man so defeated and turned to two of his men in the room. “Take him downstairs. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

They nodded and each one grabbed his arms, beginning to drag him away but Chuuya placed a hand on one of the men’s chest, stopping them in their tracks.

“Start him off with a few rounds of Serum E.”

The man’s eyes grew wide in horror and he struggled in the two men’s arms. “No! Not Serum E! Chuuya I’m sorry! I-”

His voice was cut off as the door closed with a loud bang behind him. Chuuya let out a long sigh and turned to the remaining men who could do nothing but watch the scene that unfolded before them. “Meeting dismissed. We’ll pick this up another time.”

They dispersed and when the last man left and closed the door behind him Chuuya finally faced to look at you, though he felt awful at seeing the state you were in.

Fresh tears streaming down your cheeks, your body practically shaking in fear. He attempted to place a hand on your shoulder but you flinched away from his touch. You didn’t mean to you were just scared. It always terrified whenever Chuuya went off the deep end like that. He knew this as well and though he tried to hold it back, when it came to you he couldn’t help but be a bit overprotective of you. You weren’t a part of the mafia, you hated fighting or seeing anyone get hurt. You were, in all actuality, just an innocent girl wrapped up in his awful world. In his eyes someone as dangerous as him had no right even being with you so of course he felt the need to protect you and attack anyone that dared lay a finger on you.

“(Y/N)-”

He stepped closer to you, his hands slowly reaching for yours but before he could say more you slammed your eyes shut and lunged at him, hugging him tightly. He could feel your heart racing but he knew your fear was no longer aimed at him but of the situation you had just escaped from.

He ran his fingers through your hair, playing with the ends, intertwining the strands around his fingertips until you pulled away and felt secure enough to talk to him.

“Chuuya… Were you jealous of him?”

He was shocked at your question, but at the same time he couldn’t help but laugh a tiny bit. You had just gotten the courage to speak and THAT’S what you were going to ask him?

“No way. That bastard could never compare to me.”

You smiled at his confidence (or in other words his giant ego). You hated to admit it but it was one of the many things you loved about him, but you continued to tease. “You were I can tell.”

“Oh yeah? How so?”

“Normally if they try anything you’d give them a warning like a bullet to the foot or something… You brought him downstairs for a torture session, didn’t you?”

“You can already see through my tactics huh?”

“Well by now you are pretty easy to figure out…”

The boy smiled at your teasing tone and placed a sweet kiss on your lips in response, still trying his hardest to keep himself calm, though the kiss did help.

“But he really did cross a line…”

You hummed in agreement at his words and he glanced behind you at the clock.

“I suppose I should deal with him now…”

He pulled away, adjusting the gloves on his hands before his eyes fell to the small pout on your lips. “I’ll be right back and after we can go home and I’ll make sure to show you a good time, alright?”

Your face instantly turned a tomato red and you could clearly see the smirk on his face, showing fully well what the other man had said to you, but you also knew that Chuuya wouldn’t hesitate to complete his request either.

“Chuuya!”

He laughed at your embarrassment and shrugged his shoulders. “What? That bastard told you he’d be better than me in bed right? Well now I gotta remind everyone who’s Top Dog around here, and that includes you.”

“Chuuya I swear to god… You keep talking like that and you won’t be getting ANYTHING.”

“I was joking, honest.”

“Mhmm…” You nodded. “Sure you were.”

He once again kissed you, this time on the cheek before cupping your chin in his fingers and staring at you. It was rare for Chuuya to get affectionate and sentimental with you, it hurt his pride too much, unless it was in private, in which case he was a big softie. But the smile he gave you was kind, and full of nothing but love. He didn’t want to leave, he wanted to go home now, to hell with that man, but he had to put him in his place. That was his job after all.

He reached on his head and took off his hat, placing it on the top of your head, his smile only growing more as he watched your eyes light up in joy. “I’ll see you in an hour or so Princess.”

“I love yooouuu Chuuya.”

He couldn’t stop the smirk that fell on his face as he blew a kiss back towards you, but quickly returned his composure as he opened the door. He’d never let anyone see the soft side of him, no one but you. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, I love you too.”

[starryknight09]

Surprise?

Febuwhump Day 27: identity reveal

Read on AO3.

________________________________________________________

“Hey do you want to come over tonight?” Ned asked as they stood at their lockers, shoving their books into their backpacks.

“I can’t.  It’s a Friday remember?” Peter said, feeling kind of bad.  He knew he’d been neglecting Ned lately with everything that was going on in his life.  Juggling decathlon, school, homework, Spiderman, and his internship made it seem like there was just never enough time in the day, or week for that matter, for all the stuff he needed to get done.

“So?” Ned frowned.

“I have my Stark internship on Fridays.” He reminded him.

“Oh right.” Ned nodded as they walked down the hallway toward the school doors.  “So, are you going to tell Mr. Stark about you know what today?”

“Um no.” He winced.  He’d applied for the Stark internship on a whim a year ago and had actually gotten it.  The day he’d found out he was going to be interning directly under Tony Stark, he’d almost wet himself, but after almost a year of working with him, that had definitely faded.  As Mr. Stark would say, he sassed him more than he complimented him now.  

When he’d gotten bit by the radioactive spider six months ago, he’d thought about telling Mr. Stark about his new powers, but by then they’d grown close enough that he was worried Mr. Stark wouldn’t allow him to keep being Spiderman if he found out.  And then Ben had died.  And thoughts of anything else had gone out the window.

“Peter.” Ned chastised.  “It’s been weeks.  You should just tell him.  He’s going to figure it out soon anyway.”

“Not necessarily.  Spiderman’s been around for the last six months and Mr. Stark hasn’t figured it out yet.” Peter hedged.  Ok, so realistically he knew Mr. Stark would eventually figure it out, but he’d been extra careful ever since the man had started up his hunt to find out who Spiderman was.  Besides, Peter had an advantage.  He worked directly with his enemy, so he was always one step ahead of him and Mr. Stark had no idea.

“Yeah he’s been around for six months, but Mr. Stark has only been looking for him for the last three weeks.” Ned argued.  “He’s getting closer and you know it.”

Peter did know it.  On Wednesday Mr. Stark had shown him a clip of Spiderman swinging into an abandoned alleyway to change.  His mentor had been so sure he’d had him, but then a garbage truck had driven by the entrance of the alleyway just as Peter was leaving in his street clothes, luckily obscuring his identity.  Mr. Stark had sworn up a blue streak and Peter had made a mental note to be much more cognizant of city cameras whenever he was getting in and out of the suit.

“But if I tell him who I am then it’ll take all the fun out of it for him.” Peter smirked.  He’d known Mr. Stark long enough to know that as much as he kept complaining about ‘this webhead’ he was enjoying the challenge of it.  Peter didn’t want to spoil it for him.  At least that’s what he’d been telling himself the last few weeks ever since Mr. Stark had told him he wanted his help to find Spiderman.

“You’re playing with fire dude.” Ned warned as they passed through the school doors to outside.

“Why?  What’s he going to do to me if he finds out?” Peter said with false bravado.  “Ground me?  He’s not my dad.”

“Does he know that though?” Ned joked.  “Didn’t he pack you a lunch for school when you stayed over at his place last week?”

“Yeah.”

“And didn’t he spend all day watching a Star Wars marathon with you last weekend when he doesn’t even like Star Wars?”

Peter made a face.  Ok, so Ned kind of had a point.

“And don’t him and your aunt have like coffee dates every month now just to talk about you?”

“Ok ok I get it.”

“So how do you think he’s going to react when he finds out you’ve been keeping this from him?” Ned asked.

“He’s going to be pissed.” He decided.

“Right.” Ned nodded.  “And do you think he’ll be more or less pissed if he finds out on his own instead of you telling him about it?”

“Definitely more.” Peter agreed.

“Ok so you agree you should tell him today.”

“No.”

“Peter!” Ned shook his head.  “You’re hopeless.”

“It’s all a moot point anyway.  He’s not going to find out.”

“Hopeless and in denial.” Ned said.

Peter rolled his eyes.

“Whatever dude.  It’s your funeral.  Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Ned clapped him on the shoulder and turned to start walking home.  “Text me if you want to hang out this weekend.”

“I will.” Peter said and made his way toward the nondescript Audi waiting for him.

“Hey Happy.” He greeted the man behind the steering wheel as he crawled in.  Or as he liked to think of him, not-so-Happy.

Happy didn’t respond to his greeting as he started driving away, but Peter still liked to think he was slowly growing on the man.

“Guess what we did in chemistry today?  Our teacher said—”

“I’ll give you this snickers bar if you don’t talk for the next ten minutes.” Happy interrupted, holding up said candy bar as proof.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.” He stared out the window.  The man was bringing him candy now.  He was definitely growing on him.

**********

Ned was wrong.  Mr. Stark didn’t figure out Spiderman’s identity that week.  Or even the week after.  Or the week after that.  Although Peter did have another close call with a traffic camera he didn’t know was installed nearby when he’d taken his mask off to deal with a bloody nose.  In the intervening weeks, he’d thought more seriously about coming clean to his mentor because Mr. Stark was getting a little obsessive and it was making Peter’s life a lot harder.  He had to completely avoid the area near his apartment now because Tony had come up with an algorithm to track where Spiderman was sighted and he was using it as a tool to try to narrow in on his possible residence.  Admittedly smart, but super annoying for Peter because now he had to walk at least ten blocks home every night after Spidermanning.  And his mentor had even figured out the components of his web fluid, although he hadn’t been able to successfully reverse engineer it yet.  Part of Peter felt a spark of pride at that even though some of his Mr. Stark’s failure might’ve been his fault.  He’d been trying his hardest to slow him down.  But now that his mentor knew the web fluid materials, he was looking for people who had bought large quantities of those exact chemicals.  At least Peter was safe in that regard, he still mooched everything from his chemistry class.  But by now even Peter had to admit it was only a matter of time before Mr. Stark thought of something even Peter couldn’t foresee or deter.

Ned had been on his case the past week about telling the man and Peter was seriously considering it for the first time.  

“Hey Mr. Stark!” He greeted as he walked into the man’s lab, feeling his usual flash of wonder.  After a year, having access to Tony Stark’s private lab still hadn’t gotten old.

“Hey Mr. Parker.” His mentor said, spinning in his desk chair to face him.  “How many more times am I going to have to tell you to call me Tony?”

Peter shrugged.  Honestly, he did it now solely because he knew it annoyed him.  “What are you doing?” He asked, sidestepping the question and pointing to the holoscreens Mr. Stark had pulled up over his desk.

Mr. Stark narrowed his eyes at him as if trying to decide whether or not to push the name thing, but after a moment he twirled back to face the screens, letting it go.  “I’m hacking into a bodega’s security camera.”

Peter walked over to him, dropping his backpack on the ground next to the desk with the weight of the knowledge that it held the suit of the very vigilante Mr. Stark was looking for.  He stared at the screens over the man’s shoulder.  They looked oddly familiar.  “Why?”

“Because I’ve finally got the little pipsqueak.” Mr. Stark said with eager excitement.

“What are you talking about?  Because you’re starting to sound a little supervillainy...” Peter joked.

“Spiderman.” Mr. Stark answered.  “I finally got him.”

Peter’s heart leapt into his chest as he asked nervously, “You did?  Um h-how?”

“He repeatedly patrols around this area.” Mr. Stark explained and pointed to the corresponding area on the map of Queens.  The part right by Mr. Delmar’s shop.  Oh shit.  He hadn’t thought of that and he thought he’d been so careful.  “Ever since I realized it, I’ve had FRIDAY continuously scanning the traffic cameras and we got lucky.  She caught him going into this alleyway here.” Mr. Stark pointed to the alley on the screen.  “Now watch.  A minute later someone comes out.”

Peter watched himself exit the alleyway with his navy hoodie pulled up over his head to obscure his face.  He breathed a silent sigh of relief.  There was no way you could tell that was him.

“Now, I know you can’t see his face, and I couldn’t get a good enough angle from any other cameras in the area, but I managed to follow him the next three blocks to this bodega.  I screened the footage from outside of it for the previous hour before he goes in, and if I’m right, it should be completely empty except for him.”

Yeah, that tracked.  No one had been in there when he’d visited Mr. Delmar and Murph yesterday.

“So?” He asked, sensing Mr. Stark was waiting for him to do so.

“So my young grasshopper, whoever this guy is goes in with his hood up, but when he comes out ten minutes later, look.” Mr. Stark pointed to the screen.  “His hood is still up but the strings around it aren’t pulled tight anymore which means…”

“He took it off in the store.” Peter mumbled in shock.  He had taken it off in the store.  He’d thought he was safe, and he hadn’t wanted Mr. Delmar to think he was being a weirdo punk.

“He took it off in the store.” Mr. Stark repeated with satisfaction.  “So, if I can hack into the bodega’s security footage, I can finally figure out exactly who this little twerp is that’s been evading me these past couple months.”

“Uh huh.” He said distractedly as he tried to figure out a way out of this, but no ideas came to mind.  Shit.  He never should’ve stopped for a sandwich yesterday during patrol.  It didn’t matter how hungry he’d been or how good they tasted.

Mr. Stark continued typing away and moment later declared, “Ah ha!  I’m in.”

“Um Mr. Stark, there’s something I need to tell you.” Peter tried to nervously interject, but his mentor was in the zone.  Peter could’ve been screaming he was on fire and Mr. Stark wouldn’t have heard him.

“Get ready to be amazed kid.” Mr. Stark said, cocky as hell as he brought up the footage from the camera behind Mr. Delmar’s counter.  “It’s finally time to see exactly who you are Spiderman.”

“Uh…” He really needed to say something or do something or—

Too late.  The feed from Mr. Delmar’s camera came up on the screen.  He froze.  There was Mr. Delmar, and Murph lying on the counter, and there he was walking in with his hood over his head.  Shit.  His hand moved up to his hood.  It was a lot like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  And his hood was off.  His profile wasn’t very descript, but he knew any second he’d turn toward Mr. Delmar and be facing the camera straight on.  And yep.  There he was.  In all his idiot glory.

“Wait.” Mr. Stark frowned and leaned closer to the screen as if he didn’t believe his eyes.  “That looks like…”

Peter winced and a split second later Mr. Stark whirled to face him, face showing absolute shock.

“You.” Mr. Stark accused and then said in disbelief.  “It’s you.”

He fake shrugged, holding his hands out, palms up.  “Surprise?”

“What the f—”

“I’m sorry!”

Mr. Stark stood from his chair so fast it fell over backward.  He pointed a finger at him.  “You’re Spiderman?  This whole time I’ve been looking for him and he’s been in my own lab?  My very own intern?”

“Um, it looks like it?”

“Don’t be cute.  Yes or no.”

“Yes.” He nodded, backing up as Mr. Stark slowly advanced toward him.  Peter’s eyes widened.  “I was going to tell you!  I was!  But then I just…didn’t?”

“You were helping me look for him!”

Peter made a considering face.  “Well, I was pretending to?  But really I was trying to stay one step ahead of you.”

He bumped into his desk chair and fell into it.  Tony stood over him, arms crossed, still looking more than a little angry.

“How.  Did.  This.  Happen?” Tony ground out.

“Um, remember that field to Oscorp that I went on about six months ago that you said I shouldn’t go on?” Peter asked nervously.

“Yes.”

“Turns out you were right.” He said as he nodded.

“What?”

“I uh got bit by a radioactive spider, and it made me so sick I thought I was dying, but then I woke up and I was this.” He gestured at his body.

Mr. Stark’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Oh.  Um.” He lifted his shirt so Mr. Stark could see his perfectly chiseled six pack abs.

“Jesus kid.” Mr. Stark shook his head.

“Oh and I lied about getting contacts.  I didn’t.  I just don’t need glasses anymore.  The bite fixed all of that.  And I don’t have allergies or asthma anymore either, so you can update that on my employee form if you want.”

“Yes because that’s what’s important right now.” Mr. Stark scoffed.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated although it seemed like Mr. Stark’s anger was cooling.  He didn’t look like he was about to have an aneurysm anymore.  “I should’ve told you when you started looking for Spiderman.  I know I wasted your time.”

“No!  You should’ve told me six months ago when it first happened!” Mr. Stark yelled.  Ok, so maybe he was still pretty mad.  “You thought you were dying and you didn’t tell anyone?  And then you woke up with superpowers and you still didn’t tell anyone?”

“Yeah, that’s the gist of it.” He grimaced.

Mr. Stark put his hand over his face as she shook his head.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before dropping his hand and meeting Peter’s gaze to ask, “So no one knows?”

“Well, um, Ned knows because he caught me sneaking into my room as Spiderman, and now…you know.” Peter answered.

“May doesn’t know?”

“No.” He shook his head vehemently.

“Of course not.” Mr. Stark scoffed. “Because why would you tell a responsible adult you’re going out at all hours of the night to fight criminals.  Jesus.” Mr. Stark shook his head again in disbelief.  “You’re going out at all hours of the night to fight criminals.  Well that ends today.”

“No!” Peter shot to his feet and raised his chin as he faced Mr. Stark unflinchingly.  “I’m not going to stop!  And you can’t make me!” He knew the wording made him sound like a petulant child but he didn’t care.

Mr. Stark raised his eyebrows at him in challenge and Peter had to force himself to stand tall and not wither under his gaze.  Sometimes he forgot Mr. Stark was Ironman, Tony Stark, but at times like these, getting stared down by the man, he remembered.

Mr. Stark shook his head and said, “You’re fourteen years old.”  

“I’m fifteen!  And I know you know that!  You got me a birthday present.” He accused.  “Besides, I’ve been doing this for six months and I’ve been fine.  I’m not going to stop now.  And this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you!  I knew you’d go all nuts about it!”

“Yes because not wanting to let a child run around in the middle of the night fighting crime is nuts.” Mr. Stark rolled his eyes.

“I’m not a child!”

Mr. Stark frowned and the next second he suddenly spun on his heels and marched over to where he’d left his backpack, lifting it up to his desk and opening it.

“Hey that’s mine!” Peter protested, hurrying over to him but it was too late.  Mr. Stark fished out his Spiderman suit from the bottom of it and held it out.

“This? This is what you fight crime in?  It’s a onesie!”

“No it’s not.” He frowned.  He’d put a lot of work into making that.  He didn’t appreciate Mr. Stark making fun of it.

“What is it then?”

“My super suit.” He smiled.

“We are never watching The Incredibles again.” Mr. Stark shook his head.  “And what are these?” His mentor asked, holding up his goggles to his own eyes.  “How the hell do you even see anything through these?”

Peter snatched them from his hands.  “They help.  Ever since I got my powers all my senses are have been dialed to eleven.  There’s way too much input.  Those help me filter it out and focus.”

Mr. Stark frowned, looking at him in a way he never had before, like there might be something wrong with him, which didn’t make any sense.  He’d never once looked at weak, little, half blind, asthmatic Peter Parker the way he was now looking at Spiderman.  Peter didn’t like it.

Mr. Stark dropped his suit to his desk with a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “So let me get this straight, you got bit by a radioactive spider, almost died but didn’t, woke up with super powers and then decided to sew a onesie and start swinging around town fighting crime?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Tell me why.  Why are you doing this?” The man ordered and Peter could tell this was important.

“Because…when you can do the things I can and you don’t and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.” He explained solemnly and tried not to think of his uncle lying limp on the concrete, bleeding out.

Mr. Stark sighed and dropped back down into his desk chair, resting a fist over his mouth as he examined Peter.

Peter tried not to fidget under the scrutiny.

“If I let you do this, we’re doing it my way.” Mr. Stark finally spoke.

“Yes!” Peter thrust his arms in the air and then threw himself at Mr. Stark to hug him.  “Thank Mr. Stark!  Thank you!”

Mr. Stark patted his back awkwardly.  “Yeah.  All right.  All right.  Don’t thank me yet.  There are going to be ground rules.  A lot of ground rules.  And a curfew.”

“Aw come on.” Peter complained as he pulled away.

“And I don’t want to hear any sass about it, because you can say I can’t stop you all you want, but you and I both know I can.” Mr. Stark held a finger up at him in warning.  It was true.  He did know.  “First of all, I’m going to make you a suit.”

“Really?” His eyes went wide.

“Really.  You’re in dire need of an upgrade.  I can’t let you keep swinging around town in this.” Mr. Stark poked at his super suit as if was a stinky pile of garbage.

“It’s not that bad…” He argued but the thought of having a suit built for him by Mr. Stark made him want to jump up and down in excitement.

“And I’m telling May.” Mr. Stark said.

“No!  Please Mr. Stark, you can’t tell her!”

“She needs to know kid.  You’re her responsibility and you’re out there risking your life.”

“Risking my life is kind of an exaggeration.  I mean I don’t do that many dangerous things.  I’m more like the friendly neighborhood spiderman.”

“I saw a video of you webbing up bank robbers last week.  They were shooting at you.  Very real bullets.  Very real life risking danger.” Mr. Stark said, not amused.  A second later he frowned as he stared off in the distance at the wall behind Peter, looking like he was deep in thought.

“Uh, Mr. Stark?” Peter prompted.

“Just replaying in my head all those videos I’ve seen of you doing stupidly dangerous stunts.”

Peter rolled his eyes.  “They’re not that bad.”

Mr. Stark arched an eyebrow at him.

“Please don’t tell May.” He pleaded.  “If she knows she’s going to freak out and then I’m going to freak out and she doesn’t need this kind of stress right now, not after…” He trailed off, not wanting to talk about his uncle’s death.  He could tell Mr. Stark understood though because he made the face everyone made whenever Peter mentioned Ben these days.

Mr. Stark ran a hand down his face and nodded.  “Ok fine.”

“Thank you!”

“But I reserve the right to change my mind at any time.”

“Fine.” Peter didn’t like it, but it was better than the alternative.

“So.” Mr. Stark sighed and slapped his thighs before standing.  “That web fluid.  You made that yourself?”

“Yeah.”

Mr. Stark smiled, and Peter didn’t think he was imagining the pride in his eyes.  “Where’d you get the supplies?”

“Chemistry class.”

Mr. Stark snorted.  “Of course you did.  You want to walk me through how you make it?”

Peter grinned.  “Sure.”

Huh.  Maybe Ned had been right.  Mr. Stark finding out hadn’t been as bad as he’d thought it would be.

[deascheck]

Family is More than Blood

Summary: The reader and Winchester brothers bond as the brothers try to help the reader realize family is more than blood when a hunt goes wrong.

Pairings: none

Word Count: 4439

Warnings: angst, description of physical pain, death and fluff <33 !!!

A/N: Also, this is my absolute first SPN fic I ever wrote and am now getting around to posting it. I’ve fleshed it out and edited it since then, but still. Not bad for a first attempt at writing SPN, I think! Thank you to the wonderful @winchest09 for beta'ing once again!!

Well.. At least my day could not possibly get any worse, you thought. After getting a rip from your parents for choosing to stay with the Winchesters, all you felt like doing was curling up in bed with a bottle of whiskey and drinking away your newest painful memory. Correction, you didn’t get a rip. You had just been disowned. You frowned as you thought about your parents. I don’t need Mom or Dad… They don’t understand the life I want to live. How long has it been since they supported me? You rolled your eyes as they filled up with tears.

You’d been with the Winchester brothers for four months now, grabbing any case you could get your hands on. You weren’t sure how they viewed you, given the short time you’d been together, but you were confident in how you viewed them; badasses.

They had first run into you on a case, interrupting your attempt to fight a vengeful spirit on your own. To this day you argued that you would have won the fight. Whenever you said it though, Dean just scoffed and Sam would muss your hair with a small smile.

As you thought about the adventures you’d had with the brothers, trying hard to keep your mind off your parents, you heard a knock on your door.

Quickly, you wiped your eyes to make sure they were dry, and then answered in a strong voice, “Come in!” You bet yourself it would be Sam, since Dean tended to just barge in. Sure enough, Sam poked his head in. “Y/N? Hey, we’re about to sit and eat dinner. You coming?”

Sighing, you nodded and got up. As much as you loved the Winchesters, you didn’t feel like bringing them into your family drama quite yet. It seemed best to keep up appearances. Wandering into the kitchen, the smell of hamburgers hit your nose. You smiled, remembering that Dean had made it a rule: Hamburgers every Friday night if and when the three of you were at the bunker.

Dean grinned at you as you sat down, happy with having a night off. You gave him your best smile back, hoping he didn’t notice you were off rhythm tonight.

“Hey Y/N! Haven’t seen you all afternoon. You been hiding?” Dean looked at you inquisitively as he took a massive bite of his burger, rolling his eyes in ecstasy.

You gave a small chuckle. “I think I’m allowed to hide from you two terrors every once in a while with what I put up with from you.”

As Dean’s chest swelled with indignity, you winked quickly at Sam. When Dean was happy, it was easy to tease him.

Sam gave you a quick smile back, though he seemed a little distracted.

Crap. He can tell. He’s studying me! Do better, Y/N. Get the banter going! Your inner panic began. Sam had always been able to pick up on how you were feeling, no matter how well you hid it. Even from day one, he had read you like a book.

You spent the rest of dinner working on making the two of them laugh, embracing the warmth their laughter brought you. You knew you’d have to hold on tight to this happy feeling once you were on your own for the night. The nighttime was always when any unhappiness you were harboring hit you the hardest.

As you stood up and started clearing the table, you missed a non-verbal exchange between the brothers.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah, Dean?”

“We’re gonna to head to the bar in town.”

You didn’t pause in your cleaning as you rolled your eyes. “Good for you.”

“No, we’re ALL going, ya moron. Stop cleaning and get ready! We leave in 10!”

Turning around from the sink, you narrowed your eyes as you studied him. “Why? I’ve got dinner to clean up and a good book waiting in my room.”

This time, it was Sam who answered with a big grin. “Why? Cause it’s high time you learn how to compete with us at pool. And you’re gonna need more alcohol than we have to deal with Dean’s cockiness.” He laughed at Dean as he walked around the table to grab your shoulders and guide you out the kitchen door.

“Sammmmm,” you complain. “I don’t want to have to do the dishes later! You’ve seen the mess Dean makes when he cooks!”

Sam bent down to put his mouth close to your ear. “I have seen the messes he makes. But I’ve also seen you hide when you’re hurting. So we’re going out to give you some fun memories to battle your bad ones with.”

Your eyes filled with tears at his thoughtfulness. You stopped resisting him and turned around to give him a giant hug. Being significantly shorter than him, if you wanted a comfort hug, you had to jump and wrap your arms around his neck. Sam caught you and wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you tight as your feet dangled off the ground several inches. You buried your face into the crook of his neck, squeezing your arms gently to let him know that you appreciated what he was doing. Sam’s arms squeezed back.

After a couple minutes like that, he lifted his cheek from your head and started to walk, straddling a bit to avoid hitting your legs as he walked. You laughed and started to struggle. “You big teddy bear – put me down! I can walk!”

As Sam laughed too, you could feel it rumble deep in his chest. He said, “So? I need my workout for the day! I’ll carry you to your room, m’lady.”

Appeased, you stopped struggling until what he said hit you. Indignant, you exclaimed, “Workout? I’m a workout to you? I am NOT that heavy!” Sam laughed at your outrage and then grunted as your struggling resumed.

“Ok! Ok! I’ll put you down. But only if you promise to be ready in a couple minutes!” Sam looked at you, more solemn now. “We’re serious about giving you some good memories, Y/N. You are a part of our family, and we want you to be as happy as you can be in the life we live.”

As Sam put you down, you gave him a quick peck on his cheek as a thank you, and ran into your room. It wasn’t hard to decide what to wear since you had all of two non flannel/jean outfits. Grabbing your white, high-waisted short shorts, you pulled them on as you ran into your bathroom, rummaging through the mess of clothing, make-up, and toiletries on your counter. Your fingers found your eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss, and you immediately separated them by placing them on a tshirt as you pulled your crop top on. It was one of your favorite tops, and you loved to wear it when you got the chance. But you’d been so busy with the Winchesters, you hadn’t gotten to dress up since before you became a hunter.

Despite the lack of practice, you dolled up quite nicely within 10 minutes. You fluffed your hair as you walked to your door, hoping that you looked ok. Opening your door, you yelled for Sam and Dean, “Guys! I’m ready, let’s go!”

You walked down the hall towards the garage, suddenly impatient. You opened the garage door and saw that the boys weren’t there yet. You gasped. I actually beat them? How on earth did I beat two men in getting ready for a night out? Smiling smugly, you leaned against Baby, crossing your ankles and your arms as you waited. This was a day for the history books.

Sam and Dean walked through the door in button down shirts and jeans. You huffed softly, wishing they’d change it up occasionally. Talking quietly, they didn’t see you until they got close to the car. Glancing forward, Dean spotted you first and stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw hanging slightly. Sam, in the middle of a sentence, stopped when he saw Dean fall back. Confused, he looked around and saw you leaning against the car. His eyebrows go up slightly and his eyes roamed down and up your body slowly. Feeling slightly uncomfortable, yet flattered, you flipped your hair as you opened the rear passenger door.

Sending a quick look in their direction, you teased, “If you boys don’t hurry up, the bar is going to be closed by the time we even get out of this garage.”

They quickly shook out of their stupor and climbed in the car. Clearly they had not seen you dressed up enough. Dean started Baby up and the three of you headed out.

The drive to the bar was not very long, and before you knew it, Dean was pulling into a parking spot. You got out, and headed inside with the brothers. As you walked in, you noticed they each flanked you. You realized they were feeling protective, and you couldn’t help but loop your arms through theirs in a burst of rare affection for the two of them. Looking up, you caught them exchanging happy smiles over your head. This was going to be a fun night, you thought to yourself.

The three of you reached the bar, and while you and Sam sat down, Dean ordered three whiskeys. One thing that you knew the boys liked about you was that you could drink like they did. The bartender brought you your drinks, and you all took a big gulp from your glasses, wincing slightly at the burn that trailed down your throats.

“Ok, Y/N.” Dean looked at you seriously as he put his glass down. “This is the plan. We’re going to get drunk, and then I’m going to teach you how to play pool with the big boys. Because you, my dear, are sadly lacking in your pool skills.” He smiled a big smile, letting you know he was teasing.

You leaned in, and said right in his face, “Challenge accepted, Winchester. Bring it on!” You laughed at the surprised look on his face and turned to Sam. Raising your glass, you gave him a nod and a wink and downed the rest of your drink.

As the three of you ordered another round, you noticed something caught in the napkin dispenser. You moved closer to inspect it, and as you did, your face paled. It was a hex bag. Pulling a napkin out of the dispenser, you used it to grab the bag and bring it to you. You turned around and sat down again, wishing to God you hadn’t seen anything. All you wanted was to get wasted and make some good memories with Sam and Dean to counter the awful ones of your parents. But you were never one to back down from a hunt. And maybe you’d get to release some pent up emotions by beating up this damn witch.

Sam noticed the napkin in your hand and asked, “Hey Y/N, what’s in the napkin?”

You groaned and pulled it below the counter before you opened it up. Their eyes widened as they saw you reveal a hex bag. Sighing, you said, “Boys, we have a witch in our territory. We’ve got work to do.”

Dean hung his head and sighed. “Why tonight?” he asked, frustrated. “This stupid witch couldn’t have waited for us to get ONE NIGHT off?” He grabbed his second drink and downed it in three gulps. He growled, “Let’s go finish this mother fucker.”

You slid off your seat and headed to the door when your head started spinning. Unable to stay upright, you crashed into Sam, who caught you. “Y/N? Y/N what’s going on? What’s wrong?” His concerned eyes swam above you as you tried to focus on what he was saying.

“Sam.. ‘M so dizzy.. Why…” You left it at that, feeling more than dizzy. Your stomach turned, and you turned your head just in time as you vomited violently all over the floor. You felt fear threaten to overwhelm you as you saw blood on the floor.

Dean grabbed your head when you finished and shook you gently to get your attention. “Y/N! You gotta talk to us! What’s wrong?” His deep voice was slightly husky with his urgency.

You met his eyes and moaned, “So dizzy.. and my stomach!” You clutched your stomach as pain shot through it, draining you.

Sam’s arms tightened around you as you went limp, the strength quickly leaving your body. He hoisted you up bridal style and said to Dean, “Dude, what happened to the hex bag?”

Dean’s eyes widened in understanding, and he quickly checked your pockets. As he patted through them, he apologetically said, “Sorry Y/N, I promise you I’m not trying to feel you up.” Dean found it and tucked the hex bag into his shirt’s front pocket, handling it with a bandana, before heading for the car. Sam was hot on his heels with you in his arms.

When they reached Baby, Dean helped Sam get you into the back seat before they opened up the hex bag. They mumbled in confusion as they realized it must have been made for you. Its location originally seemed a coincidence. But the fact that once you held the hex bag and then got sick solidified their theory. The witch knew you and wanted you to suffer.

Dean worked on destroying the bag while Sam patted a wet rag along your face, trying to help the best he can. Your eyelids fluttered weakly as you turned your head to look at him. The bag may have been gone, but you were still weak from whatever the bag inflicted on you. As you felt the rag on your face, your feverish thought process picked up. This isn’t over… If I’m sick, Sam and Dean are distracted. It would have been too easy to just destroy the hex bag. Trap... Y/N, get your act together and warn them! You forced your eyes fully open and looked at Sam. He met your eyes in surprise, seeing a fear and determination in yours. You forced yourself to put full sentences together, and say, “Sam. This is too easy. It’s a trap- you two need to arm up. I think the witch is here.” As you finished, you heard two thumps. Sam leaned back and looked towards the sound.

“Dean! Y/N, Dean’s down!” As the reality of your situation fully set in, your adrenaline started to kick in.

Good to know that I can practically be on my deathbed and my adrenaline will bring me back, you thought wryly. You stayed low and slid out of the car, carefully watching the surrounding lot. Sam grabbed Dean and pulled him over to you. He had a lump on his head, but his pulse was steady. What the hell? How did he get knocked out? Friggin witch must be here…

Sam motioned for you to lie down and roll under the car. You rolled under the car and waited a few seconds, knowing the witch must be close. As you got ready to emerge from the other side, you heard an angry, rough, female voice utter three words in latin, and then you heard another two thuds.

Shit. She must have gotten Sam. What the hell does she want? Is she one of those psychos that plays with her victims before she kills them? Your stomach turned uncomfortably as your imagination ran away with you, disgusting images flashing before your eyes. Yo. Dude. Gotta focus, you told yourself. Sam and Dean need me.. With that thought you rolled out and sprang to your feet, ready to fight.

For the first time in your short hunting career, you were grateful that you had faced so many witches. Being a quick learner, you knew a spell or two yourself. As you located the witch, you yelled, “Obmutesce!”

Roughly, you knew you were removing her ability to speak. You saw her work her mouth in surprise and frustration, and you grinned. The spell worked. Grabbing a knife and a gun from your bag in the back seat, you faced her. As she tried to get around the spell, you took a second to study her. She had dark brown hair, dark eyes, and a long, albeit pretty face. She was a little taller than you, and clearly had some class. Her wardrobe just screamed ‘snobby rich girl’.

As the two of you locked eyes, hers went black. Immediately your mind went into panic mode. She’s a demon witch? A witch demon? I’m screwed! Sam and Dean need to wake up! Shit!

Your face remained hard and confident as you called out, “Ya know, you may be the spawn of hell, but without the ability to speak, there’s really jack shit you can do to me without having to fight me.” You forced yourself to give a big predatory grin that you learned from Dean. “And well, I’ve got two weapons here that will kill you.” You hold up the gun and the knife tauntingly. Thankfully, you’d stolen the demon killing knife from Dean after the last hunt, and had stuck it in your bag- intending to be the one to kill the next demon the three of you faced.

The witch raised a hand, looking smug, and flicked her wrist. Your weapons yanked out of your hands and went flying. Your jaw went slack. Ok, she’s a demon who isn’t afraid to use her demon powers. Bluffing, failed. Plan B. Attack? You grimaced as you realized you’d have to charge her. This is one fight I’m probably going to be feeling for a week... You groaned mentally and went to attack her.

If it was a fight she wanted, it was a fight she’d get. Thanks to your parents, you’d always been able to defend yourself. You knew aikido, karate, and boxing. You’d beaten both Sam and Dean in several training fights.

The minute you got close, she snapped her fingers and you found yourself flying through the air, crashing onto a car’s windshield a few yards away. Ahhh...That one hurt. Freaking bitch. Who does she think she is? You growled at her, “What? Afraid you can’t take me in a fair fight? Is that why you’re hiding behind your stupid demon powers?” You approached her again, taking your eyes off her for a split second to check on Sam and Dean. They were both still and unmoving.

That made you even angrier, and you attacked again. This time the witch let you get even closer before she waved her hand and sent you flying again. You contacted a car’s driver door, the impact jarring every bone in your body. You prayed to yourself, Come on Sam, come on Dean... I don’t know how to exorcise her! Wake up! I’m only going to be able to take this for so long... Even just two hits in and you could feel your body giving. You were sure you have a couple cracked ribs, and maybe a mild concussion. Cars were hard, unforgiving objects.

As you walked towards the witch again, warily, you noticed Dean stirring. Perfect. Time to help wake him up. Throwing caution to the wind, you charged her at top speed and full volume, knowing you wouldn’t get even close at that rate. Sure enough, she grinned maniacally as you got closer, before sending you off through the air once again. This time, you get knocked against a light post.

As you hit the post, and then the ground, you felt a searing pain in your knee and your shoulder. Eyes welling, you looked down and saw your kneecap was not at the front of your knee. Despite the rising urgency of the situation, you couldn’t help but think how gross it was. You couldn’t look at the disfigured limb without feeling weak and began to taste bile in your throat. Your shoulder was just about in the same situation. You could feel it out of its socket.

Looking up, you saw the witch making her way to you. As you watched her approach, you wished you could talk to her and find out why she had such an interest in you. Despite your pain-addled brain going haywire, you managed to organize your thoughts enough to try to identify your attacker. Do I know her? We haven’t faced her before.. or she’d be dead. Is it the demon that knows me? Which demon is it?

You started getting desperate, realizing you were completely helpless against a freaking demon. She stopped in front of you and crouched down to your level, staring at you closely. Your voice filled with pain, you ask, “Who are you? What do you want with us?”

As you asked, you heard the sound of flesh being torn, and you saw the demon-killing knife protrude from her chest. You looked up in shock, and you saw Dean pulling his knife from the witch’s body. His hard battle face changed into one of deep concern as he looked at you.

“Y/N! Man, you are messed up... What hurts?”

You responded softly, trying hard not to cry. “My shoulder and knee... I think they’re dislocated. My ribs feel cracked, and my head hurts like nobody’s business.” You looked at him helplessly.

Dean’s face battled between sympathy for you and anger at the witch. His sympathy won, and he said, “Here, let’s get you up.” He wrapped his arm around your waist and helped haul you to your feet, mindful of your dislocated knee and shoulder.

Now that Dean was awake and here, and the witch/demon/enemy was dead, you started going into shock. You began to tremble, and Dean saw you starting to deteriorate. He quickly said, “Oh no you don’t,” and slapped your face gently. “We still have some work to do, sweetheart. Don’t worry, Sammy and I will take care of you.”

Startled into calm, you look at him. The words started tumbling out of your mouth, “Dean, it was a witch possessed by a demon. I didn’t know who she was, and I muted her, so I couldn’t find out after that. She never let me get close. She just kept tossing me around like she was freaking Goliath, and oh my God, Dean, I hurt so bad...” At this point you couldn’t handle it, and the tears started to cascade down your cheeks, leaving you breathless as you lost control.

Dean brought you as close to his chest as he could without hurting you, and shushed you softly. “Shhh, Y/N it’s ok.. Shh. You did great, kid. You did great. The bitch is dead now- there’s nothing to worry about. Hey, you’re ok. Shh...”

He held you for several minutes, allowing you to cry your stress, fear, pain, and anger out. As you finished, despite the massive amount of pain you were in, you relished the moment of getting to snuggle with Dean; it happened so rarely that you’d take it, regardless of the circumstance.

Once you had quieted down, Dean helped you over to where Sam was, who was slowly waking up. He sat up slowly and put his hand to his head, groaning softly. As he looked around, he saw you and Dean. Immediately he was on his feet and hovering anxiously when you told him not to touch your right side. Dean helped you perch on the side of Baby’s backseat while you discussed how best to get you home.

Sam looked at you guiltily and said, “Y/N, I can put your shoulder and knee back into place, but it’s gonna hurt a lot. And you’ll probably be in even more pain once they’re back. Do you want to do this now?”

You looked at him wearily, with your tear-stained face. “Sam, I’m in more pain than I’ve been in my life, quite honestly. So since my pain record has been set tonight, it doesn’t matter to me how high it gets as long as I can get fixed quickly.”

Dean stepped in at this point, and explained, “Y/N, he’s just asking because we can take you to a hospital and have them do it while you’re on pain meds. You’ll be a lot more comfortable, but they might not let you go home tonight. If we do it, it’ll be a helluva lot more uncomfortable, but you’ll be home, and we can take care of you there.”

You attempted a smile. “It’s a no-brainer, boys... Help me out. And take me home? Please?”

Needless to say, your level of pain went from overwhelming to excruciating when they reset your knee and shoulder. But you were grateful the boys could get you right again. Dean was driving and Sam was helping prop you up in a comfortable position in the back seat.

You reflected as you were lulled into a half-asleep state. Ha... And here I was thinking today couldn’t get any worse. My parents disowned me, I don’t get to get drunk because I got attacked by a demon-witch, and then I’m almost killed because I can’t protect myself, Sam, or Dean. What a fantastic fucking day.

Sam’s voice brought you to a more conscious state. “Y/N? Hey, sweetheart. Sorry, I know you’re falling asleep. I just wanted to tell you I know you’re probably beating yourself up, and you’re probably thinking about how much today sucked. Which,” he paused to smile briefly, “would be fair. However, I want you to know that you were incredibly brave today. Not many new hunters would be willing to face such an intimidating challenge alone.” He bent his head around sideways to look at you and see what you were thinking about. “Seriously, Y/N. Dean and I are proud to call you our sister and fellow hunter. Family is more than just blood.”

You smiled up at him as you felt sleep starting to take over you. “Sam, there’s no one I would rather have as my brothers. Thank you for taking me in. I love you guys.”

You continue thinking as you fight sleep. The bunker, living with my boys, that’s my home. They’re my family. Sam and Dean are the only two who matter in my life. I choose my family...

Sam smoothed your hair gently as you nodded off. “It’s us who are grateful, Y/N. You are the sister we never had.”

[scrambleddragonegg]

Alright dumbasses here we fuckin go

I am literally writing this directly on my tumblr so shhhhh it’s fine. this is for @cephuss because they’re the only person i’ve gotten a prompt from.

I am literally begging you to send more I want to contribute to the fandom <3

Also, please put them under where it says to give me prompts. I did not specify before but I just figured that this would be easier to keep them together :D

BkDk - Izuku’s dad comes back during first year and isn’t nice. Erasermic adopts Izuku.

Izuku openly sobs once they’re all back at the station. Kacchan is safe now. He’s here. He’s not with the League. Not with him.

He’s still clinging to his childhood friend and bully like a lifeline when he has to talk to Tsukauchi. He’s shocked that the explosive boy hasn’t tried to pry him off yet, but he doesn’t question it, too afraid to ruin the little bit of peace they have right now. It’s going to be okay now. It has to be.

At least, it would be if Izuku didn’t see the look of recognition in All for One’s eyes.

When All Might all but passes the torch onto Izuku on live television, he nearly faints.

“C’mon Deku, we’re going home.” Katsuki grumbles as he sees the short boy begin to pale.

“R-Right. Coming Kacchan.” Izuku answers, trying his hardest to regain the breath that scene stole from him. Trying being the keyword. He fails.

He doesn’t answer Katsuki’s solemn goodbye as they part ways on their journeys home. He doesn’t dare speak. Not when Izuku and his mother know what’s going to happen. Not when everything feels so unbelievably hopeless.

~

Izuku wakes up and knows something’s off. He quietly tries to grab his phone and two hoodies before he plans his escape, but halfway to his closet, the door creaks open and All for One himself looks his way.

“Hello, son.” All for one says. His voice makes Izuku want to hide, but the boy knows that this isn’t an option.

“Where’s mom.” Izuku fires, never once does his own wellbeing come to mind.

“Inko? Don’t worry about her. She was means to an end anyway. While you weren’t supposed to exist, I can’t help but thank her for not getting rid of you. After all, you’re why I’m here.”

Izuku flinches at the notion and tries to push his voice out once more, firmer this time.

“Where is my mother.” He demands once more.

“I think you know where your mother is. Don’t worry though, you’ll be joining her soon. Tomura.” All for One steps to the side, revealing his apprentice, who launches himself at Izuku.

Activating One for All, Izuku jumps, the ceiling and roof giving at the force and allowing him through. He stands on the roof, looking around wildly for an escape route. He has to get out of there.

As if on cue the place goes up in flames.

“No!” Izuku cries, jumping to another roof, his hands and legs shaking with fear. He has to use this adrenaline to get somewhere safe. He has to find out for sure if his mom is-

Izuku starts to sprint toward UA, but stops shortly after.

Pressing the call button, Isuku hopes he pressed the right number because he doesn’t have another shot at this. He doesn’t know if he’ll make it to UA in time. Hell, someone could be waiting for him to run there, couldn’t they? What about all of the people and houses in between here and there? He can’t stray too far from the villains, he decides, keep people safe.

A knife nicking his cheek is enough of a clue as ever that he should start to move again.

“Hello? How are you Midoriya, my boy?” All might’s voice comes through the speaker just as another knife comes flying.

“Toga! Don’t bloody him up too much, we need him alive!” Shigaraki’s voice bellows.

“Young Midoriya?” All Might. Right.

“All for One... Mom... Help!” Izuku cries, out of breath. He can’t focus on the call for obvious reasons, and hangs up before throwing his phone away, hearing it shatter. No time to worry about it now.

~

The bell rings and Katsuki stiffens. He’s not here. He’s never just not here. The little shit would come to school half-dead. He has! So where the hell is he?

“Well, I guess this is everyone today. Has anyone seen Midoriya? Avoiding class will not mean avoiding the punishment you are recieving for directly disobeying what I told you. Not that that surprised me...” Aizawa mutters. As if on cue, a knock at the door calls Aizawa out of the classroom. Bakugo stands and walks toward the door as well.

“Bakubro, where are you going?” Kirishima asks, confused as to why the blonde stood.

“Something’s wrong.” He says, letting the door close behind him.

“Bakugo, go back to your seat.” Aizawa mutters, rubbing hi forehead in annoyance.

“Not until one of you explains where Deku is. He doesn’t miss class unless he can’t get here. Something’s wrong.”

“Very observant Young Bakugo. I was just going to talk with Aizawa about that, actually. I recieved a call from Young Midoriya this morning and it was odd. It was also grounds for concern and seeing as I can no longer do hero work... His father is after him.”

Explosions spark in Bakugo’s palms.

“WHAT? That piece if shit?! I’ll kill him!” This seems to shock All Might more than it should. He visibly flinches.

“Y-You know who his father is?” All might asks, barely able to keep his voice even.

“I don’t need to know who he is to know that he’s a piece of shit that fucking left Auntie and Deku the second he was born!” Bakugo counters, glaring daggers at both teachers who he assumes will stand in his way.

“Young Bakugo, there’s something else that I believe both of you should know. Izuku’s father is very well known in the underworld, you see. He’s got enough connections to essentially make the boy ‘disappear’.” All Might says, trying to stress the importance the previous phrase had.

“So who is he?” Eraserhead asks. His voice betrays nothing but if you pay attention you can see that he’s just about ready to just go get Izuku himself.

“All for One.”

~

Izuku manages to barely dodge the wall of blue flame headed his way, pressing himself up against the alley wall. He’s almost out of options. He hopes someone comes for him soon because if they don’t then it’s going to be very bad.

“I hear you mumbling, brat.” Dabi’s voice nearly growls. Not a second later, he’s holding Izuku against the wall by the collar of his shirt. He struggles for breath, kicking wildly and thrashing around with as much force as he can muster in his exhausted state.

“Let him go, Dabi.” A familiar voice sighs. Izuku looks over and is immediately filled with relief as he sees his homeroom teacher.

Dabi smirks, an idea forming in his head if Izuku observes correctly.

“What, you’ll save him? You’ll save the kid of the top villain but you won’t help the children in Endeavor’s house?” He asks, not letting Izuku go just yet.

This makes Eraserhead stop in his tracks.

“What do you know about Touya’s case?” Eraserhead snarls.

“Enough to know that you couldn’t save him Eraserhead.” Dabi returns before chucking Izuku like a doll towards the undergroud hero.

“Just this once, I’ll let him go. But only because he’s not the one I have beef with.” Dabi says as he stalks off down the alleyway before turning the corner and disappearing. 

Aizawa reaches out with his capture-weapon and catches the boy, but by the time he’s in the hero’s arms he’s passed out. Just what was this kid doing?

~

“What do you mean his father is All for One?” Aizawa snarls, just about ready to throw the skinny man out of a window.

“I mean that his father is All for One, Aizawa. His father is also after him right now. Young Midoriya needs help and he can’t run forever.”

Bakugo stands there in shock. He... That monster is after Deku?

That monster is his father?!

FUCK!

“Language, Bakugo.” All Might scolds as Aizawa wastes no time taking off after the green haired boy.

“The idiot knew he’d be after him, so why did he go home alone last night?! Fucker was muttering about his father the entire way home and I didn’t- FUCK! I need to go after him.” Bakugo says finally, taking a step to follow Aizawa before All Might grabs him, stopping him.

“Young Bakugo, I understand your concern, but we just got you back. You of all people are not leaving this building.” All Might says solemnly.

“Shitty nerd better be alright or I’ll kill him myself.” Bakugo snarls.

~

When Aizawa finally returns to the classroom, the students are on him immediately. Some of them apparently saw some footage of Izuku being hunted down by the League of Villains and are extremely worried for their classmate.

“Is he okay?!”

“He shattered his left leg. I don’t know how he was walking.” Aizawa says. He’s not focused on the other students at the moment, however. He’s focused on how the hell Izuku managed to somehow leave out that All for One is his father.

“His house was on fire too! Is his mom okay? He’ll be devastated if anything happens to her!” Uraraka cries out. The rest of the class voices their agreements.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen Ms. Midoriya. Don’t ask Midoriya about it though, he’s having a rough time.” Aizawa answers truthfully. He then begins to wonder where the woman is and if she’s dead or alive.

“How is he, Sensei?” Bakugo asks. The room starts to quiet down before decending into chaos once more. Bakugo is showing concern? For Izuku? This must be bad.

“He passed out as soon as I found him. He’s exhausted and hasn’t eaten or drank anything since lunch yesterday. My guess is that he woke up and had to take off.” Aizawa explains simply.

The blonde looks like he might actually kill someone.

This is going to be interesting.

~

The last bell rings and Katsuki all but sprints out of the room. He’s fuming. These assholes had the audacity to hurt Deku. To hunt him down for hours. What the fuck.

“DEKU!” Katsuki roars as he pushes the doors to the infirmary open with a slam.

“Kacchan!” Said boy yelps, scrambling to sit up.

“No- Shit! Don’t move. You need to rest and all that shit. I just came to make sure you weren’t dead.”

Katsuki hates that Deku coos at him for being concerned. Of course he’s concerned, damnit!

It’s quiet. Neither of them know what to say to the other, seeing as they haven’t had a real conversation in years.

“How long have you known?”

“What?” Deku answers, confused.

“How long have you known that he’s your father, Deku. Why did you come after me if you knew?” Katsuki asks, flinching at the roughness his voice displays. Izuku humms, thinking. Then he speaks.

“I’ve always known.” He says simply.

“And All Might? How long has he known that you’re the son of his arch nemesis?” 

This makes Izuku flinch. The nerd has the audacity to twiddle his thumbs anxiously. He looks up and back at his lap, embarrassed. Good.

“I- He told me I looked like him. That he can see my father in the way my hair curls and- So I guess he’s known for a while now too, huh?” Deku responds, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Katsuki stands up, turning to leave without a word.

“Wha...? K-Kacchan! Where are you going?” Deku asks, panic filling his voice. The blonde turns, shooting Deku a sad look. He really doesn’t want to leave, but he knows Recovery Girl wants the idiot to rest and not talk all night.

“Go to sleep, Nerd. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

With that, he’s gone.

~

He doesn’t come back to the infirmary to visit Izuku. He barely even acknowledges Izuku’s existence.

Until they fight at Ground Beta.

It’s blood and sweat and tears and lots of just beating the shit out of eachother but both of them come out of it better than they went in.

~

It’s been months since the incident and Shota Aizawa (the absolute sap that the man is) decided that he and Mic were going to take in the problem child. Izuku is happy. He misses his mom like crazy, but he’s happy. The thing that took him from how far he came right back to the beginning though was when Aizawa came home one night from patrol. He’d been searching for Izuku’s mother since the day he was atttacked and hasn’t had any luck. He got a call that solidified what he already suspected.

That night, he and Hizashi sat Izuku down and the boy was an anxious mess while he wondered just what his guardians wanted to tell him. They even let Bakugo come over to comfort their little green bean.

“Izuku... Your mom is dead.”

[thepoliticalpatient]

How to get your Humira level tested thru Prometheus

I started taking Humira for my Crohn's in July of last year. Getting onto this medication was a gigantic pain in my ass, but I actually think the part that ended up being the hardest was dealing with getting my levels tested, so I wanted to write a post detailing that process. There is lots of info here that I wish I had known at the start. I actually have been wanting to write this post since last September, which was when I actually had the test done, but the whole situation didn't get fully wrapped up until today, 6 months later, and I didn't want to write it until I had complete information.

I will try very hard to make this an informative post and not just a rant but I'm not sure I have the self-restraint tbh.

OK, to start: what even is this test? With biologics, you need to maintain a high enough concentration of the drug in your system, to prevent your body from producing antibodies against the medication, and for it to be effective. My (now former - more on that soon lol) gastroenterologist is pretty passionate about making sure his patients keep a good level and will have them go on a weekly dose instead of the normal every-other-week dose if their levels aren't to his liking.

Importantly, the timing of this test is vital. You can't get it measured in the days immediately after you inject or your levels will be super high. The goal is to find out what the level is when it's at its lowest, i.e. in the day or two before your injection. My (former) gastroenterologist wanted me to get this test done between my second and third doses. That didn't end up happening because of how much of a clusterfuck this whole thing was.

So this test is only done by one company in the United States, Prometheus Biosciences. The name of the test is Anser ADA. They also have similar tests for measuring the levels of other biologics, like Anser IFX which measures Remicade levels (ADA = adalimumab, which is the generic name for Humira; IFX = infliximab, or Remicade). They have tests for Stelara and Entyvio too. If I had to guess, I'd say that the info in this post is probably pertinent to those tests as well, but I cannot guarantee it. I only know for sure about my own experience with Anser ADA.

Because this test can only be performed by Prometheus, it is likely that you cannot just go to your hospital's lab and have them draw your blood. It's possible they will do this draw for you and mail the blood to Prometheus, but you'll want to be certain to clarify this with your doctor.

My doctor's office gave me a lot of extremely wrong information, so I had no idea about this. I actually showed up at my hospital's phlebotomy lab on the morning before my third Humira dose, handed them a form that my doctor's staff had given me that contained the order for the bloodwork, and they took my blood and I thought I was done with it. Then WEEKS later at my next appointment with my doctor, he was like "did you ever get that Prometheus test done?" and I was like "wait do you not have the results back from the blood I gave weeks ago?" and he was like "you absolute imbecile, we can't do that lab for you, you need to schedule that with Prometheus's phlebotomists" (I'm paraphrasing a little bit here). To this day I have no idea what happened to the blood I gave at the lab! I assume they were like "wait what do we do with this lol" and then threw it in the garbage and didn't bother to inform me????

This was just one of many bad experiences I’ve had with this doctor/hospital, but this was the one that finally pushed me over the edge. I have since changed to a new GI at a different hospital (which was its own fucking saga, omg, it should not be so hard to get your medical records transferred from one hospital to another).

ANYWAY, my point is, be very certain to talk with your doctor about whether your hospital can draw this blood for you. If they can't, you have to call Prometheus to set up a draw with them.

Prometheus is located in California but contracts with a network of phlebotomists throughout the country. You can set up an appointment for a phlebotomist to come to your home to draw your blood.

For some goddamn reason, instead of equipping their phlebotomists with the supplies they'll need, Prometheus will mail you a package ahead of your appointment that contains some supplies.

Here's my next pro-tip: Prometheus will use some very scary language to make it sound like you need to be waiting right at the door when this package arrives and to immediately put some of the contents of the package into the freezer or else something terrible will happen. This is not true. What's actually happening here is that the package will contain some shipping supplies, including an insulated container and an ice pack, which the phlebotomist will need in order to store your blood safely. They want you to pre-freeze that ice pack before the phlebotomist arrives so that it will be ready to go as soon as your blood is drawn. That's it. So there's nothing in the package that's gonna, like, go bad or something if you don't get it into the freezer right away.

The whole thing was kind of stressful because I didn't have any tracking info on the package or anything, but it did arrive ahead of my appointment.

Okay so the next big topic here is PAYMENT. This is a $2,500 test, and most insurance doesn't cover it.

Around the same time I scheduled the draw with Prometheus, I sent a message to my insurance carrier to ask whether they would cover the test. The rep who replied to my message needed to know the CPT code for the test and the NPI for Prometheus, which I found on Prometheus's prior authorization form here. The insurance rep then said that this test would require my doctor to complete a prior authorization. If I got the prior auth, then insurance would cover the test at the out-of-network rate, which would require me to pay 35% of the cost. Without the prior authorization, they would deny the claim entirely.

I sent a message to my doctor's office asking them to complete the prior authorization stat, as I had already scheduled the draw with Prometheus and there wasn't much time. I was hesitant to cancel my draw, because that would require me to wait at least another 2 weeks (since you have to time the draw with your Humira doses), and I was already months later on this test than my doctor had originally wanted because of the whole snafu with thinking I could get it drawn at my hospital. My doctor's assistant replied and said she didn't think they'd have time to complete the prior auth, but not to cancel my appointment. She assured me that Prometheus would not charge me more than $75 if my insurance denied the claim.

I was extremely nervous about this. I was mainly concerned because I had found this info about Prometheus's payment assist program, which says that they'll reduce the charge to $75 if your income is below a certain threshold, and mine is not. Based on the info on that page, it looked like I didn’t qualify for any cost reduction, so I was pretty convinced they were gonna charge me the full $2,500.

Looking at the claims on my insurer's website, I see that Prometheus indeed tried to charge my insurance $2,500 for the test, and my insurance denied it. There is an additional $50 claim to my insurance, which insurance did pay, which I think was for the cost of having the phlebotomist visit my home.

Prometheus sent me several mailers about their payment assist program, which I just ignored because my income is too high. And for the next 6 months I sat anxiously waiting to receive a bill in the mail for several thousand dollars.

Well I'm happy to report that today, I finally received the bill from Prometheus, and it is for $75. I don't know why exactly they reduced it to that amount, but I am certainly not going to complain.

Now, I'm not certain of this, but my GUESS would be that the $75 rate is only for people who are doing self-pay. So, hilariously, if I had gotten the prior authorization done on time, my out of network coinsurance would have required me to pay 35% of the total claim, which would be $875. So, I mean....I can't guarantee that your experience will be the same as mine, but it seems to me like it is to your advantage to not go through your insurance for this test.

Oh, and Prometheus will NOT hold your test results hostage while they try to get paid. They sent the results to my doctor soon after the draw. And my levels were good!

ANYWAY, this was long, but I wanted to share everything I wish I had known before going through this. I hope it will help someone else who is trying to navigate this process!!!

[halothenthehorns]

THE UNFORGIVABLE CURSES

Harry began his reading with high spirits, as eager as Ron to get to Moody's first lesson, no matter how much his inner mind was sending off pinging noises every time his name was mentioned.

The next two days passed without incident, unless you counted Neville melting his sixth cauldron in Potions.

"In his first week, I consider that impressive," James smirked.

Snape seemed to have attained new levels of vindictiveness over the summer,

"Can't say I'm surprised," Lily muttered bitterly.

and gave Neville detention, which he returned from in a state of nervous collapse, having been made to disembowel a barrel full of horned toads.

"Eew," Remus shuddered.

"That shouldn't be an allowed punishment," Sirius scowled hotly, "and Neville owns a toad, so that's just extra cruel."

"Actually Sirius, the horned toad is a species of lizard, not of the amphibian kind," Lily corrected.

Sirius looked stumped for a moment, muttering about insane people naming things, before he shook himself and got back on track, "it's still disgusting."

"No one's arguing with you there," James agreed.

  Ron reminded Harry why Snape would be in a particularly bad mood for now, while Hermione showed Neville a spell to get the frog guts out of his nails.

"I didn't know better," Harry defended when Lily looked like she was fixing to repeat herself. "Just went by the name."

Harry agreed it was because of Moody.

"Let's just see him try anything against him," Remus snorted. "Moody'll turn him into a bat for us."

"Can't wait," Sirius said eagerly.

Everyone knew that Snape wanted the DADA job for himself, and this was the fourth year in a row he hadn't gotten it.

"Probably longer, as we don't know when he started," Lily corrected, while the boys rolled their eyes at such a minor thing.

Snape had hated everyone who had gotten the job before, and was never shy of showing it, but something was different about this time. Snape seemed to be going out of his way to avoid Moody.

James gave a maniacal laugh, as they all knew what that meant.

Harry suggested that Snape was scared of Moody, and Ron got a dreamy look on his face as he wished Moody would turn Snape into a horned toad for them and bounce him around his own dungeons.

"A dream come true," Sirius agreed solemnly.

Thursday arrived, showing the whole of Harry's class lining up outside Moody's class.

Lily couldn't help a little snort of laughter. She could just imagine McGonagall or someone coming by and seeing that and getting exasperated at this display.

The only person missing was Hermione, who turned up just in time for the lesson.

"I'm sure that's a first," Remus chuckled.

She tried to explain to the others where she'd been, but Harry cut her off saying they knew it was the library, before waving them inside saying he wanted good seats.

"Seats?" James asked.

"I guess this is a form of show for them," Sirius shrugged in agreement, he was sure they'd have been the same way at Harry's age.

The trio managed to sit in the front row, pulling out their assigned text. Not moments later, they heard the distinct clunking noise of his wooden foot headed their way.

"Can't sneak up on anyone anymore can he?" Remus said in surprise.

"It's not like you couldn't put a muffling charm on that if you need to," Sirius shrugged, "he just doesn't while in school."

"Still, he's got to be a lot slower with that thing," James sighed for the guy.

He entered and told them to put their books away, they wouldn't need them today.

"Always the best way to start the lesson," Lily smiled.

Everyone did as told, still looking excited. Moody began calling roll, his normal eye scrolling down the list, his magical one zeroing in on the person who raised their hand.

"Because that's not creepy at all," James couldn't help a shiver.

When he was done with that, he told how Professor Lupin had left a letter about this class,

"Bet that was all kinds of interesting," Sirius snickered.

"Did it start with, warning Harry Potter will give you hell, because everything in the school tries to kill him, so you need to teach him every deadly spell you can," Harry grumbled.

"I doubt I would have phrased it like that," Remus said gently, while the others looked like they wanted to laugh, or would have if that hadn't been so true.

about how they'd gone over several Dark creatures,

"Sad that Remus is the only teacher who's actually given any value to this class," Lily sighed.

such as boggarts, red caps, hinkypunks, grindylows, kappas, and werewolves.

"The last one was involuntary, but sure that's about right," Remus grumbled.

The students gave a murmured agreement, as Moody continued that these students were very behind on dealing with their curses.

"Well he's not wrong," James shrugged.

"I'm blasted you know any useful offensive spells," Sirius agreed.

"I can do my own studying," Harry defended. "I've looked up some stuff for other classes, and just ran across others."

"We're not blaming you dear," Lily quickly corrected, "we're just sad is all. This is a really important class, and the fact that you're so lacking isn't going to help you later."

"You're showing an immense display of skill knowing what you do even with the problems with this class," Remus agreed.

Harry blushed slightly at the praise, since as far as he was aware everyone was at the same level as him except Hermione of course, but the compliments were so unexpected he couldn't find it in himself to argue.

He continued that was his job for the year, and he only had that time to do it.

"He's not staying longer?" Sirius pouted.

"Guess Dumbledore can only find a temporary fix now," Remus sighed.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll find a reason to stay," Lily said hopefully, as having a head auror hanging around would certainly make her feel better with all the problems Harry got up to.

Harry couldn't help but wonder why his gut reaction was to correct her, say he wanted nothing of the sort to happen, but then there was again this conflicting feeling inside like he'd enjoy this very much, as he knew Moody to be a good person. He'd never felt such opposite opinions about one man, and to have no idea where they could stem from was starting to drive him crazy.

Ron interrupted to ask why he wasn't staying longer.

Moody's magical eye lingered on Ron then, who looked suddenly apprehensive, but then Moody's mouth twisted, making his face look even more contorted than it should,

Sirius couldn't help a little chuckle.

as he smiled. Moody confirmed that he was Arthur Weasley's kid, and told how Arthur had gotten him out of a tight spot a few days ago.

"Least someone acknowledges it," Lily grumbled, still smarting about that article.

Then he agreed it was only for the year, special favor to Dumbledore, then he'd go back to his quiet retirement.

All of them gave a laugh at that, clearly his retirement was more entertaining than he was leading on if he set dustbins on people, or cats. At the reminder, they were almost hoping to hear Moody's side of the story to that now.

He got back on topic then, speaking of Curses. He pointed out that the Ministry guidelines did show that Moody was only supposed to be teaching counter curses, not to show anything illegal or Dark until sixth year, that supposedly they weren't old enough yet.

Lily was getting uneasy at the way this was starting.

Dumbledore agreed with Moody though, and decided they could cope with whatever they needed to.

"Well as long as Dumbledore thinks so," James said with much more sarcasm then he ever would have thought possible, but after everything had come out about Sirius last year, James really couldn't say he was in the headmaster's corner one hundred percent anymore.

Pointing out how were you supposed to defend yourself against something you've never seen.

"Merlin help it, they're fourteen, I don't want to see them having to defend themselves against anything," Lily sighed, more upset than she could put into words that even in this Voldemort free world, she still couldn't bring herself to argue this too much. Oh she'd complain about it, she didn't want her son to have to learn to defend himself, but she couldn't find it in herself either to say that he shouldn't know this either, better safe than sorry.

He explained that a wizard who was going to use a curse on you wasn't going to warn you beforehand,

"Not wrong about that," Remus nodded.

so they need to be prepared, and watchful, and to put that away Miss Brown!

James did a double take, not sure if he'd heard that last part right.

Lavender jumped and blushed, she'd been showing Parvati her completed star chart under the desk.

Sirius let out a surprised whistle, saying, "this thing keeps getting cooler. It can see through desks now! Wonder what else it can see through?"

Apparently Moody's magical eye could see through solid wood as well. He kept going, asking the students which curses were the most punishable if caught using.

"Oh, so we're starting at the tippy top," Lily raised a brow.

"It's not a bad idea," James shrugged, "start with the hardest and work your way down, by the time you get to the bottom you'll breeze through them."

"The opposite usually works better," Remus countered, "starting with the basics means you'll have a better handle the farther up you go."

"Both can work for different people," Sirius waved them off, "you really want to sit around and debate the school system, because I don't."

He turned pleading eyes on Harry, who was more than happy to keep going.

Several hands went up, and Moody called on Ron, who said his dad has mentioned one, the Imperious Curse.

Harry noticed his dad go a few shades paler in shock at the mention of that curse, so said, "So that's where I learned this," aloud, remembering he'd gone over this with his family back during his second year. James gave him an absent smile as he quickly came back from wherever his mind had been.

Lily was still chewing over the cut off argument the boys had been having, wanting to argue that they were still a spot too young to be learning this, it was seventh year material, but also couldn't push that it was wrong for them to know this either. So long as he didn't teach them the actual incantation, there was no harm in making them aware of these.

Moody agreed that one used to give the ministry a world of trouble.

"Living that time," Lily scoffed aloud, "and trouble doesn't quite cover it."

"The people who do have it used on them usually are so torn up about what they did, they don't want to come forward," James explained for Harry.

"While those who probably did it of their own free will, have no problems coming forward and pretending they were forced to," Sirius grumbled.

Moody went to go fetch a glass jar from his desk then, which contained three spiders.

The four of them shivered as they realized what was coming, Moody was going to demonstrate these spells on those arachnids. Lily's feelings of unease began rising another few degrees. Now this was definitely pushing the limit.

Harry felt Ron recoil slightly next to him, Ron hated spiders.

"And there's that," Remus nodded, thinking this was as close as he'd been to one since his time in the Forest, and it probably wasn't a pleasant reminder for him.

Moody caught one, and then used the spell 'Imperio.'

"He couldn't have at least done that silently," Lily sighed.

The boys, really weren't going to argue the point. They all exchanged wary looks, rather as upset as Lily for once on this matter. It wasn't just Harry, but he was the one they were thinking of when the thought of preserving what little innocence he had. He'd already been through so much, and hearing about him learning these spells was just that little extra saddening to them. None of them were still going to say this much out loud, they didn't want Harry to think they thought he couldn't handle it.

The spider began doing flips and cartwheels around the desk, then rose up on just two legs and began a tap-dance.

"I didn't even know spiders could do that," Harry said in surprise, unable to imagine the little black body contorting like that.

"If the bodies physically capable of the ability, even slightly though it won't do it voluntarily, the Imperius can have you do it," Remus sighed.

Everyone was laughing, except the teacher.

Lily shook her head sadly, thinking this was a good reason right there why these kids shouldn't be shown this spell quite yet. They clearly weren't old enough to realize how horrible this was, even to something like a little spider.

He growled at them if they thought this was funny, maybe they'd like it placed on them.

"Least he's keeping them on track," Sirius muttered.

Explaining that this spell gave total control, he could make anyone do anything. Jump out a window, drown themselves, force this little spider hear to jump down someone's throat...

James gave an involuntary gag at the mention.

Ron gave a terrible shudder at that idea.

Moody went on to explain that years ago, the Ministry had trouble sorting out who was and wasn't acting of their own free will because of this curse.

"So there's no way to tell the difference?" Harry sighed. "No looking at a memory through a pensive, or anything?"

"Sadly not," Lily explained. "You can erase the memory of that person being Imperiused, and then you'd just witness what did happen. It's not concrete."

"Veritaserum wouldn't work either," Sirius sadly tacked on. He hated talking about this, it was bringing back bad memories of how he kept picturing his own trial had gone getting him sent into Azkaban, but Harry deserved to know this no matter his discomfort. "Since you'd just admit to the things you did, and if the spell was done up right, you probably wouldn't even know you'd been doing it under the curse."

Harry sighed, thinking that while magic had its advantages, there were clearly so many faults in the system it was sad how easily it could be manipulated for all the cruel people of the world.

This curse could be fought, which he'd be teaching them,

"He'll be doing what now?" Lily snapped sharply.

"Chill Lil," James waved her off, "I'm sure he's just going to explain the concept. Even Dumbledore couldn't allow him to actually use that spell on these kids."

Harry got double vision for a moment, his tongue locking up before he settled back and grumbled about his stupid memory messing with him.

but it took real strength to fight this off. You'd better try and avoid it if at all possible, then he screamed 'constant vigilance!'

Harry had shouted that so loudly, that he made the others jump, lighting a smile on his face for spooking them like that and managing to distract them, mostly Sirius, from wherever their thoughts had been lingering.

Moody put the spider back, then asked for another curse. To Harry's surprise, Neville raised his hand.

"I don't want to know how he and his Gran got into that conversation," Lily shivered.

Harry was getting a foreboding feeling, like he'd be much happier if Neville had no idea about some Unforgivable spell in particular...

The only class Neville ever volunteered information was Herbology, even Neville looked surprised at his own daring.

"Poor kid," Remus smiled lightly, wishing that Neville had more confidence in himself more often. He'd clearly done well in this class given the right encouragement, hopefully Moody would help that along more.

Moody called on him, and Neville managed to get out the Cruciatus Curse.

There it was. Harry felt a distinct blow to his gut, hearing Neville talk about this put him on edge in a terrible way. He tried to shake it off when the others noticed, but it wasn't working that well. Something was lingering, something he knew deep down would be terrible to learn.

Moody's eyes lingered on him, asking that his name was Longbottom? Neville gave a nervous nod, but then Moody moved on.

"Why did he ask?" Lily couldn't stop herself from asking, her voice cracking with unease.

No one answered her, a thought flickered across their mind at the implication both Moody and Harry had given, but none of them could press it without finding something they didn't want.

He went back to his jar of spiders and got a fresh one, explaining the spider should be bigger for them to see this effect, then used the spell 'Engorgio.' Ron recoiled in horror and pushed his chair back as the spider swelled.

"Guess Ron regrets his front row seat now," Sirius muttered.

Then Moody switched spells, and shouted 'Crucio.' The spider rolled onto its back and began rocking from side to side, its legs spasming. Harry could tell that if it could, it would be screaming.

The four of them felt a terrible shiver. They'd all felt the brunt of that curse, it tended to be a favorite of Death Eaters trying to incapacitate someone long enough to run, and the reminder on something even as small as a spider wasn't a pleasant one.

Harry felt lucky, if sad for thinking so, that he only had to witness this happening to a spider, hoping dearly right now this was all he'd have to deal with in regards to that spell.

Moody kept at it, until the spider's movements began to become more jerky and it was shuddering, until Hermione screamed at him to stop it.

Lily couldn't help but sigh with relief. She had no shame in admitting that was starting to disturb her, and wasn't surprised it would get to several kids in that class.

Harry looked at her, but saw that she was watching Neville,

"Oh dear," Remus muttered, leaning into the couch in fear as this wasn't helping them lessen their worry of why Neville would be reacting so badly to this.

who was white knuckled and gazing forward with wide, terrified eyes.

"Ooh," Lily muttered, wanting to go over there and give the boy a hug. She wasn't sure if they were guessing insanely wrong, and she hoped she was, and he had some kind of personal experience with this curse or if he in particular was having a bad reaction, but either way this was a moment where a boy should be reassured it was okay to be freaking out.

Moody released the spell and shrank the spider back to normal size, explaining to the class that you didn't need knives to torture people when you had the Cruciatus. That had been a very popular one at a time to.

"Here's to dying out spells," James shivered.

He put the spider back and asked if anyone knew another. No one answered, like they were all afraid to see what would happen to the next spider.

"I already know, and I don't want to see it," Harry sighed.

Then, for the third time, Hermione finally gave a shaky hand raise.

"Why does she know this?" James balked, realizing this for the first time. "Just what the bloody hell kind of book is she reading to have come across this, you'd think this would be restricted section material."

"Merlin only knows," Sirius sighed, "we can hardly claim we were saints in getting to know some information. Hermione's just doing the same thing, but not exactly putting it to the same uses."

Moody called on her, and Hermione answered 'Avada Kedavra.' Moody agreed with another twist of his mouth.

"I don't like it when he smiles anymore," Lily grumbled.

Agreeing the last and worst, was known as the Killing Curse. He went back to the jar and placed the spider on the desk, where it stood frozen.

Lily couldn't help it. She wasn't a fan of spiders by any means, but she could feel her face tightening in displeasure for what she knew was coming.

Without any kind of hesitation, Moody raised his wand and cursed the spider with 'Avada Kedavra,' and with a flash of green light, the spider lay dead.

"I personally wouldn't have demonstrated that spell on a spider in front of Ron," Sirius tried in vain to shoot some humor around again, this depressing mood was driving him crazy. "Now that's going to be Ron's solution to every spider he sees."

"Hopefully Hermione will convince him his boot will work just fine," James added on out of obligation, still to on edge to really have his fun.

Several students almost screamed, Ron nearly toppled out of his chair as the body went skidding in his direction.

Moody swept the tiny black body off his desk without concern, addressing the class to explain that there was no countercurse to that spell, no way to block it. Only one person had ever survived, and he was in here.

Harry watched the faces around him drain of all color. They had certainly guessed this, evidence had been piling up since Harry's remembered dementor memory coupled with his knowledge that if he struggled to remember on his own he'd find a flash of green light and that was it. It was just, put like that, it seemed unreal. How had Harry survived that? How had Lily actually found a way to protect him from it? She'd died to save his life, Dumbledore had made that clear, but how on earth was this possible? Lily couldn't have been the first mother to step in the way of her child's death, so why wouldn't any of those instances counted in saving another child's life. If they were understanding this right, then Harry's situation shouldn't have been as unique as it was.

Yet Moody himself had just confirmed as much...which meant that something more was going on. Something had to have happened other than just Lily staying in that line of fire without moving.

Harry sat there in a state of unease as he tried to understand why Moody would even know that. How would anyone know these details?* He'd only worked them out because of his dementor experience, but then he presumed that the rest of the populace must have just pieced it together from the scene they'd walked in on. After all, the Avada Kedavra curse seemed a preference of Voldemort, and they would have seen the effects of it being used on James and Lily. Then they most likely would have seen the body of Voldemort, but Harry still sitting in his crib, and rightly assumed it had rebounded from the child, hence his fame.

Lily was starting to get goosebumps all up her body as she tried to piece together what else could have happened that night, if somehow James had also been involved, but the longer she thought about it the harder it was getting to breathe. No one wanted to think about their final moments, even if they had been the reason her son had lived.

James wasn't any better, his throat tightening like he was being forced to hear about Lily's final moments all over again, the thought of his only son being abandoned in that crib for Merlin knew how long before Hagrid found him with only the corpse of his mother for company. He couldn't get his brain past that appalling image to think on anything else.

Remus and Sirius exchanged an unspeakable look, knowing that it would break them apart inside to do so, but they were the best ones who could actually sit around and talk about this, they wouldn't dream of keeping the others around for it, but someone had to figure out what the bloody hell had happened to make this possible, it could save their lives if they could find a way to activate this earlier somehow.

They couldn't do anything now though, it would be disastrous if they tried to convince them to cut the chapter off for now because all three would protest they could handle it and try to join in, they were that kind of stubborn. So the two of them silently agreed they'd wait until later, and for now they did what they did best, caused a distraction.

Remus snuggled up next to Lily, platonically wrapping his arm around her and giving the baby in her lap a playful tickle and saying, "well this sucks."

Sirius gave an extra loud snort, telling him, "you have a way of understating things. You're not wrong though, so how about we get to the end of the lesson. I want to gripe at Moody for giving you homework."

James was still shaking his head slowly from side to side, clearly vacant to everything around him, so Harry wriggled up to his side, only hesitated for a second, before throwing an arm around him and promising, "I get it. Do you want to stop, or-"

"No," James muttered, "just keep going."

Harry exchanged a look with Sirius, but couldn't find a reason to argue either.

Harry felt his face flush in shock, as all eyes turned to him. Harry stared down at the dead spider, and wondered if that's what his parents had looked like, unmarked and unblemished?

'Okay, I lied, I want him to stop now' James tried to rasp that out, his mind certainly screamed it loud enough in his head, but the words closed off and Harry kept going almost feverishly, clearly struggling to get this out loud.

It was one of those terrible moments where Harry was actually pretty bitter at this book for publicizing all of his personal thoughts like this, something he never would have shared with those around him.

Was the last thing they'd seen a flash of green light, before nothing?

'Yeah, that about covers it' Sirius whimpered, desperately latching onto the first memory he could to stop himself from crying, thinking of his brother that way, and instead he saw a white ferret bouncing around, and it cultivated into a strange look on his face that the others chose to ignore.

Harry had been picturing his parent's death for three years now. He knew they'd been betrayed by Wormtail,

The three Marauders still gave an involuntary flinch every time that was mentioned.

and handed over to Voldemort,

Because they had just loved hearing about all of that the first time through.

Not one of them could say a word to Harry though, what could they say? Snap at him for dwelling on all of this, they'd probably be more concerned for his well-being if he pretended he never did. These were his private thoughts, terrible as they were, and they just wanted this part to be over, so none of them dared speak a word.

who had arrived and killed Harry's father first. James had tried to fight him off, telling his wife to run with their son, but Voldemort had killed him, then his mother, before turning his wand on Harry. Harry knew these details, because whenever he was around a dementor he heard his parent's final moments.

Harry speed read through all of that, detesting how it made each of them look likely to faint any moment, hating himself for dwelling on it when it only caused them pain. If there was anything he ever wanted to skip in these books, it's whenever mention of this came up.

Moody was still talking, and Harry had to struggle to pay attention.

'Thank Merlin for that' was the first thing Lily coherently thought, twisting a strand of hair around her finger in agitation, the comfort of Remus at her side and her baby on her lap all that was holding her together. It was taking everything in her not to go over and curl into James chest here and now, but she refused to show just how upset this was making her, she had to be stronger than that.

He was still talking about the curse, how much magic it required to use. The students could pull out their wand right now and try, and Moody wouldn't even get a nosebleed.

"Be fun to try," Sirius said viciously, irrationally blaming Moody for having brought all of this up again.

Moody wasn't here to teach them how to use the spell though,

"Could have fooled me," Remus growled so low no one was sure of the exact words.

he was here to show them the worst of the world, so they'd be prepared. Then he screamed 'constant vigilance!' at them again.

Harry couldn't stop himself from shouting that again, though this time not a smile was seen. Harry had let that loose with primal emotion, the need to shout his frustration at his family's soon to come situation coming out in those two words. He regretted it when he saw how hard they all jumped, it clearly hadn't done anything to help, but when a rebuke didn't come he kept going, realizing they all understood why he had.

He went back to teaching, saying that the three curses were known as the Unforgivable Curses. Using any of these three on another person would get you a sentence in Azkaban.

'That's not the only way' Sirius couldn't help but hiss, forcing himself to only say that in his head, no need to bring up something he preferred to avoid.

This was what the world was up against, what you were going to be fighting! You had to be prepared, armed, and always vigilant.

'I don't want to be an auror anymore.' James hadn't even realized he'd thought that for a moment, but then he considered it, and realized how deeply he meant it. He'd pictured himself being the hero, hauling in all those terrible Death Eaters who dared harm Muggles and Muggleborns like his wife. It wasn't until Moody had showed off all of this though did the full impact of that job really sink in, how much it would cost him if he did pursue this. Sure he knew about a lot of this stuff from his own time in his DADA classes, but none of his teachers had ever managed to make it seem so realistic. He tried to brush all of that away for now though, knowing better than to try and make a life decision in the heat of the moment.

For the rest of the lesson they took notes on the Unforgivable Curses, and no one spoke again until class was dismissed. The students barely made it out of the door however, when they all burst into excited chatter about all the spiders had done. Harry watched them speak of the lesson like they'd just seen some great show.

"This probably went without saying, but I'm saying it anyways," Sirius grumbled, "I still prefer Moony. He would have gotten through those kids thick heads this isn't a stupid game."

"Thanks," Remus said sincerely.

"I think this just proves they were too young for that lesson," James sighed, "I still don't think we can claim any better if we'd been shown that our fourth year instead of seventh. Even Moony might not have gotten that through to them."

"Thanks," Remus repeated with a touch of sarcasm this time.

Hermione wasn't listening though, forcing her way through the crowd and hurrying her two friends along, and when asked where she was trying to rush off to, she pointed down a side corridor where Neville had hidden himself.

"Oh the poor dear," Lily sighed, wrapping her arm even tighter around her own infant. Neville had seemed like a really sweet and sensitive boy to her so far, she hated to think what this had done to him.

Neville was alone, looking vacantly out the window, his eyes still as wide as when he'd seen the Cruciatus Curse in action.

"He definitely knows someone that's been through that," James gave a blistering sigh at finally having said what they were all thinking.

"Or it was used on him," Sirius said lowly.

"Sirius!" Lily shirked, "he's fourteen, what the bloody hell-"

"You can't pretend it's never happened," Sirius cut her off with steel gray eyes.

Harry was watching all of them with a deep sense of fear now. He wanted desperately for them to stop talking about this, he didn't want to keep hearing about it, because the more they did, the more sure he was they were on the right track. Thankfully he was the one with the book in his hands, so he kept going loudly.

Hermione whispered his name quietly, and Neville turned around on autopilot as he began trying to ask what dinner would be.

"Don't think I could eat a bite actually," Remus sighed.

"He wasn't actually speaking to you, ya twat," James made his first attempt at a smile this chapter at teasing his friend.

Hermione asked if he was okay,

"Oh he's clearly peachy, and you," Sirius huffed.

Neville agreed everything was great, speaking of the interesting dinner and what would be for their lesson, err food.

Lily pursed up her lips so tight they went white. She'd already felt horrible enough today because of the confirmation of her death, which felt imminent at this point. To see the effect it had on her family was terrible to watch, but to see it even being put on another innocent boy somehow still managed to make it worse.

All three of them were watching him with a half terrified look, unsure of how to comfort him, when the clunking footsteps of Moody announced his arrival. He instructed Neville to come have a cup of tea with him.

"Aw," Lily cooed, her eyes finally shining with light other than threatening tears. "He actually recognized what he did bothered him, and he's trying to help."

"Moody's an old softie, especially on those he deems worthy," James gave a slight smile.

Harry didn't hear a word of this, because he was fighting back the urge to start swearing colorfully. Something about the idea of Moody trying to comfort Neville, of even being in the same room with him, set him so terribly on edge. He tried to lightly dig into this feeling, wondering if Neville was in danger and he should be worried, but all Harry felt was a sense of wronged. Had Moody done something to Neville? Bright spots were beginning to flash across his eyes from the pain of even doing this, and by the time he phased back into the conversation, he realized they were all watching him with real concern.

"Harry, are you okay?" Sirius got out first with something like genuine fright on his face. "You looked really ticked off there for a second, does Moody take away your broom or something?"

Harry shook his head sadly, sighing deeply before saying, "can't say, just know that bothered me for some reason. I'm sure it's nothing, I think I'm just worried Moody makes things worse, or something."

"That could be it," Remus agreed fairly. "He's not exactly the cuddly grandpa type."

"At least he's trying," Lily defended.

Harry gave them the best smile he could muster, couldn't quite hold it long enough to be believable, but still he pressed on reading before anyone could keep going.

Neville looked terrified at the idea and looked wildly to the trio, but none of them could come up with a way to protest. Moody turned to Harry and asked if he was alright, and Harry gave a defiant yes back. Moody nodded like this didn't surprise him, then turned back to Neville and explained he knew this seemed harsh, but they had to know this stuff. Then he began steering Neville away, telling him there were some books he'd have an interest in.

"Maybe if he was Hermione that would have helped," Remus tried for a laugh, which fell flat when he noticed Harry's unease at Moody giving Neville a book somehow seemed significant to him. What on earth could that be about?

Neville gave one last pleading look back, but followed in Moody's wake. Ron asked what all that could have been about, but none of them had an answer.

"I can't even honestly say I want to know anymore," Lily shivered, too many horrible thoughts fleeing across her mind.

They started walking towards the Great Hall then, Ron still talking about the lesson as he agreed with Fred and George, Moody really knew his stuff. He was still impressed by that Avada Kedavra curse, the way that spider had just snuffed it-

"That's right Ron, focus on the spider," Sirius said in a too high pitched voice.

but he quickly fell silent at the look on Harry's face. All three of them remained quiet as they made their way down to dinner, where Hermione began eating at top speed again before running off for the library.

"Missed but never forgotten," Remus said, meeting James's eyes fleetingly, but continuing as if in a joke with a rather forced smile he'd never admit to. "I'm starting to get the feeling that's just going to be the pattern for most of the year until she finds whatever's bothering her."

The boys ate before going up to their tower, where it was Harry who brought up the curses again, asking if Moody or Dumbledore would get in trouble for showing them those curses?

"The ministry doesn't interfere in Hogwarts," Lily shrugged. "It's at the headmaster's discretion what his students learn. Dumbledore clearly thinks you can take it."

Ron agreed they could, but Dumbledore has always been able to do whatever he wanted. They found their favorite spot by the fire and decided they should get started with their Divination homework.

"Well don't get too excited," James muttered, "it'll ruin all the fun of the work."

They went up to their dorm, to find Neville alone

"Oh good," Lily chirped, more than happy to be thinking on anything else now, even if Neville wasn't exactly a happy topic. "You didn't mention him at dinner and I was a little worried."

reading a book. He looked more like himself, though his eyes were a little red rimmed.

They all let out pitiful sighs, wanting to know what had struck him so bad, terrified of getting the answer.

Harry asked how he was doing, and Neville happily said he was doing fine now, showing off the books Moody had given him 'Magical Water Plants of the Mediterranean.'

"And Neville's best subject is Herbology," Remus smiled warmly.

"So Moody really did go out and help him," Lily crooned happily.

Harry put up a strained smile in agreement, he knew this was a very good thing that had clearly made Neville feel better, so what about the mention of this book was sending off alarm bells for him?

Professor Sprout had mentioned to Moody that his best subject was Herbology, with some pride now in his tone.

"Which should be there more often," James said fairly. "Everyone's got their strengths."

"He's been getting more confidence every year," Sirius nodded happily.

Harry smiled, pleased to hear that Neville had been cheered up like this. Moody slipping in Sprout's praise was a tactful way to do so, it was something Professor Lupin would have done.

Remus flushed bright red at the praise, but no one denied that they'd actually been thinking the same thing about him.

Harry and Ron went back downstairs to do their work then, which was tedious at best. Hours later of working on sums and symbols and they hadn't progressed at all.

"You're putting way too much strain into a class that you both hate, and is irrelevant to your life," Sirius snorted.

"Don't be like that," Lily scolded. "I don't like the class much either, but you don't want him getting a T in the class just to spite the teacher, that's like cursing your own nose to spite your face."

"I doubt he's getting a career to do with Divination," James sided with Sirius, "and everyone's got one flunk class. No need to deter him from more important things."

"It's not as if he's got any other homework to be doing," Remus sighed, "so it's good he's keeping his priorities up and doing that first."

"Why did we keep you around again?" Sirius snorted, now trying to get Harry to move on.

Ron finally suggested they just do the old Divination standby.

Causing all three Marauders to laugh at that.

Lily gave Remus the stank eye in particular, saying, "you'd just agreed with me he should be doing this, why are you laughing that he's not even going to be doing it properly."

"I agreed it shouldn't be ignored," Remus admitted with a smirk, "I never said to what degree. It's a class where for his final exam last semester he made up something. I think you can get away with the homework in the same style."

"Now I remember why we kept you around," James cackled.

Harry quickly agreed to the idea, and watched Ron begin jotting down on his parchment that on Monday he'd get a cough because of Mars and Jupiter. Then he reminded Harry that all they had to do was make it bad things, and she'd eat it right up.

"It's sad how true that probably is," Lily finally acquitted.

Harry started his own now, saying that on Monday for him he'd likely to be burned. Ron agreed that was true, as they'd be dealing with the skrewts again.

"Harry's obviously pretty good at this," Sirius snickered along, knowing it would be pointless to offer a few suggestions, but wanting to anyways.

Harry moved on to Tuesday, where he decided he'd lose a possession. Ron began writing that Mercury would cause him to stab a friend in the back.

Harry was starting to get an odd sensation at Ron saying that...had Ron just made a real prediction in the form of a joke again? It wouldn't be the first time, though he really disliked this one.

Harry wrote that on Wednesday he'd lose a fight, and Ron agreed on his own that he'd lost money to that fight.

"At least they're having fun doing their work," James beamed, "can't say that about too much homework."

Lily couldn't help a light giggle at that.

The predictions became steadily worse as the night wore on. Crookshanks joined them at some point, sitting in a chair and watching them with a disapproving look as if his owner were there instead.

"Even Hermione couldn't get at you for this one," Remus pouted, "she hates Trelawney as much as you."

"Wouldn't stop her from lecturing us on the proper procedures of homework," Harry smiled indulgently at the thought of his friend.

"Still love that cat," Sirius inserted with high amusement.

Harry was looking around the room for some inspiration when he spotted Fred and George off to the side, looking over some parchment with a quill.

"Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes again?" James asked hopefully.

"Their mum can't tell them off for it now," Sirius agreed happily.

Harry though wasn't so sure. He didn't know why, since his initial reaction had been that Fred and George would keep at their joke shop dream, so this would be a perfect opportunity for them. What else could it be about?

This was an odd sight, as those two were usually in the middle of everything, not tucked away.

"Best place to be," James sighed, trying to look back fondly at some old memories that hadn't been tainted yet. He and Sirius were the sort of spokespersons for the Marauders, always the center of every crowd, whereas Remus and...well he kept off to the side and preferred to stay out of the limelight, which was better for him.

There was something secretive about their behavior now, and Harry didn't think it had anything to do with Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, as otherwise they would have invited Lee.

"Maybe, maybe not," Sirius shrugged. "It depends on how much they trust him as a business partner, or just an idea generator, or what."

"Maybe he's out doing something else at the time," Remus agreed, "and they'll show him later."

"Good ideas don't come at your own timing," James nodded sagely.

He wondered whether it had anything to do with entering the Triwizard Tournament.

"Now that I'll believe," Lily grumbled.

Harry though still didn't look satisfied with any of these answers. Something wasn't clicking right.

Most everyone had gone to bed by now, so though he spoke quietly, George's words carried across the common room about how they couldn't phrase it like that, it sounded like they were accusing him.

"Err," James said with a lot of unease that time.

"Accusing who of what?" Remus frowned.

"If we knew, you wouldn't have just asked," Sirius snarked at him.

Remus stuck his tongue out at him, but no one really could come up with an answer for what that could mean.

George looked up and around then, and Harry quickly turned away so that he wouldn't be spotted listening, but not moments later the twins went off to bed.

"Well that's not encouraging," Lily muttered as her face puckered up in thought.

"Accusing?" James repeated with a ruffled brow. "You think they caught someone doing something illegal?"

"Can't be anyone at the school," Sirius muttered, running his hand through his hair, "can't imagine why they'd write out a letter for that, they'd just confront the person."

"We haven't really seen the twins doing anything that none of the other Weasleys have though," Remus grumbled. "So when could they have come across this?"

"You think this is the same thing they were doing over the summer?" Lily offered. "Which means it had to have happened around the time of the Cup."

"The only difference there was the bet they set up with Bagman," Sirius shrugged, "and he paid them back."

"Maybe they're looking into whoever mugged Bagman," James said, clapping his hands together as he thought he got it. "We thought something like that had happened when Harry saw him in the forest, remember? What if the twins figured it out, and they're trying to get him to turn himself in."

Harry was starting to fidget a bit, getting the feeling they were definitely on the right track, but there was some glaring oversight that one of them had said that made the whole thing fall through. He couldn't imagine what though. He had seen Bagman pay the twins back, and Bagman had looked pretty tossed around, so surely his dad was right.

They were out of ideas for now though, so Harry kept going.

Hermione came in a while later, with a sheaf of parchment and a rattling box. Ron finished his homework with a flourish as she took her seat, and she automatically pulled his work towards her.

"I swear that's second nature to her by now," Harry chuckled lightly, happy to move on to a subject that wasn't depressing or didn't give him a headache, which is what the majority of this chapter had been doing to him.

Hermione sarcastically asked that they weren't going to be having a good month. Ron happily lounged back as he said at least they were warned.

Giving them all a light moment of laughter again.

Hermione was reading down the list and pointed out that he was drowning twice.

"Guess it can happen to the best of us," Sirius happily shrugged, while Harry felt yet another twang inside him, something about Ron in the water?

Ron reached over to change that to being trampled by a hippogriff.

"Now that's out there," Remus said mildly. "As you avoid the Forest."

"But he was forewarned," James said back with wide insistent eyes, unable to wipe the smirk off his face. "So now he would know not to go in there."

"You're all impossible," Lily chuckled.

Hermione told them that it was obvious they'd made these up,

"So?" All five of them muttered, as they doubted Trelawney could prove otherwise, or would care.

but Ron said in mock outrage that they'd worked really hard on these! Harry finished his as well, his final prediction being that he'd die by decapitation.

"Now that's a lovely one," James snorted.

"You should get an O just for that," Sirius nodded eagerly.

Then he asked what was in the box, and Hermione gave an annoyed look at Ron as she said how happy she was he brought it up,

"She can't even take a joke," Remus sighed, though admittedly intrigued as clearly they'd been right, whatever Hermione had on her may have something to do with her sudden house-elf fascination.

She took off the lid and showed them several brightly colored badges that said S. P. E. W.

"Spew?" James asked in confusion.

"Why did she make a bunch of badges encouraging people to put milk out their nose?" Sirius agreed.

"You're disgusting," Lily snickered.

"What, it's what people do when they-" Sirius began to defend himself, before James reached around Harry and whacked him to get him to stop, waiving Harry on so they could see what this was about.

Harry asked what spew was, and Hermione corrected you were supposed to say the letters, it stood for the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare

"And that is?" Remus asked with his head cocked to the side, must be something really new.

Ron said he'd never heard of it, and Hermione agreed that was because she'd just started it.

"Oh," all five of them finally caught on.

"Well, I guess I can see Hermione's line of thinking," Lily said slowly. "She couldn't find anyone to care about what was going on with the elves, so she started her own campaign. I rather like it," she finished, clearly warming to the idea.

"Could have gone through some better names first," Sirius snorted.

"Like you lot are any better," Lily said back stoutly. "Marauders? That's not exactly original."

"I blame McGonagall," James said a little too loudly, and Harry and Lily were a little surprised to see some strain coloring all three boys now. "She called us that during our first year, when we were all caught together the first time, and ah, it- it just kind of stuck-"

Harry turned back to the book quickly now, trying to keep reading loudly to change the subject. Neither him, nor his mother, really needed further explanation. Cleary McGonagall had called them that first, but if the boys reactions were anything to go by, it had been Pettigrew who suggested they use it as their group's name. Thinking back, they'd also mentioned it had been the rat's ideas for their own nicknames. It must hurt them dearly to have an almost constant reminder of how much he'd had to do with their life, and Harry wasn't going to let it linger longer than he could.

Ron asked how many members she had going, and Hermione said when they joined, three. Ron asked why he'd want to walk around with a badge that said spew.

"That'll get you attention at least," Sirius tried to get out around his gritted teeth.

Hermione again corrected to say just the letters, saying that she'd wanted to call it 'Stop the Outrageous Abuse of Our Fellow Magical Creatures and Campaign for a Change in Their Legal Status'

Remus forced his mind to concentrate on every letter, it was far easier to think on then other things at the moment, and instead said, "S. O. A. O. F. M. C. is kind of a mouthful, how would you even pronounce that?"

"Still think it would have been better she'd gone with that," James shrugged, "less easy to make fun of.

but decided that would be their manifesto instead, now showing them her parchment.

"It's actually rather nice to see she's trying so hard," Lily grinned, "if anything, I believe it will draw attention to what she's trying to do."

"For better or worse, let's find out," Sirius sighed.

She'd been doing research in the library since she got here, and discovered that elf enslavement went back centuries. She found it shocking no one had done anything before now.

Sirius opened, then closed his mouth, deciding he didn't want to start something with Lily again.

Ron said an extra volume too loud to get her attention, that they liked being enslaved!

Though thankfully he seemed to have Ron to say it for him, as Sirius gave a slight laugh. That'd been pretty close to what he was going to say.

Sirius managing to give a genuine laugh again finally managed to distract James and Remus from their school thoughts again, and Harry eagerly kept going now that he had their full attention.

Hermione kept going like she hadn't heard him, stating their short term goals, which would be to get house-elves common pay, and their long term goals were to include changing the laws for non-wand users and getting an elf representative into the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.

"Ironically, it's the short term goals she may have the most issue with," Remus said with honest interest. "As you'd be going directly into the house-elves way of life trying to get ahold of that. It's the other two that I can see her really making a change of, as house-elves aren't the only ones suffering those problems. She could rally more troops for that cause."

"I think I know what Hermione wants to do when she grows up," Sirius said brightly, "take on Lily's job in the Legislation department."

"She could be the next Minister of Magic," James agreed with only a small portion of that being mocking.

Harry asked how she planned to do all that, and she said their first goal was to start recruiting, getting members to join. It only cost two Sickles for the badge, she had a collecting tin upstairs she needed to give to Ron as he would be treasurer, and Harry was to be secretary, so he should start writing all of this down as their first meeting.

"Oh that's nice, tell me all this after you've said everything," Harry snorted.

"I just love how she automatically assumes they'll go along with this," Lily chuckled, "as they've given no indication before now they care."

"Good friends don't need to rely on their backup," Sirius said wisely.

Hermione paused for a moment to beam at them, and Harry was torn between exasperation at Hermione, and hilarity at the look on Ron's face.

"Can't deny I'd have loved to see that," Remus laughed.

They were saved from responding though by Hedwig tapping at the window.

"Yes!" They all couldn't help cheering. None of them would admit until this moment just how truly terrified they'd all been Hedwig wouldn't show up again, and the next time they'd get a mention of Sirius would be in the papers announcing his Kiss.

Harry bolted to the window, shouting how it was about time. Hermione eagerly asked what Sirius had written,

"Give him a chance to read it," James said with an undisguised sigh of relief.

but when Harry opened it, he found it was incredibly short. He chose to read it aloud, starting with Sirius saying he was flying back.

"You're what?!"

The baby began wailing in shock, but Lily quickly tried to soothe him down without taking her eyes off of Sirius.

James, Remus, and Lily had screeched that at about the same time, Harry had kept looking dumbstruck at the page, making Sirius wince and rub at his ear in pain, but he had a fighting look already set in place as he shot back, "good for me."

"Are you insane?" Lily got out first, she looked like at any second she was going to start strangling him, a menacing accomplishment while holding a child. "You can't come back, it's too dangerous for you. You're bleeding lucky those dementors aren't back at the school this year, but you still can't risk anyone seeing you on the grounds!"

Sirius was glaring around at all of them, clearly seething, but-

"I'm with Lily on this one," James surprised him by saying. When Sirius turned to argue with him instead, he found something quite surprising.

James looked almost fragile as he watched Sirius, a description that no one could usually give to James Potter, but he looked it now. Sirius reflected that after everything that rat had put them through last year, well the way James was looking at him now made it clear what he was thinking. He confirmed as much when he kept going in a still too tight tone, "I can't hear about you going back to Azkaban Sirius. Unless something really, really bad is happening, you need to stay as far away from Harry as you can."

"Harry's scar hurting again is a bad sign," Lily quickly agreed, "but there's no need to put yourself in extra danger until something more concrete happens." She was still trying, futilely, to deny that the Dark Mark was just as terrible a problem and would bring Sirius back just as much.

Sirius sighed as he glanced between the two, then he glanced at Remus who'd remained quiet through this. He however just shrugged, saying, "Look, I'm not judging you Sirius, you've got more than enough people in this world doing that, I'm just begging you to think for a second. It's not logical, in fact it's the opposite, not to mention it terrifies me! You really think I want to sit here and read you got yourself killed, well, being you!"

Sirius grumbled under his breath for a moment, but clearly outvoted he instead redirected, "okay, fine, but I don't know what you're all yelling at me for! It's not like I'm going to do this tomorrow!"

That at least gave them all a pause, recognizing that though they feared for his future, telling him off for this now really wasn't doing any good.

Harry at least managed to keep going without his panic bubbling over. Surely if they could convince him of this now, Harry could get the same thing through to him before he made it back.

News had reached his ears about what all was going on, and it was good that Dumbledore had put Moody in the school, at least he was reading the signs.

"What signs?" Harry asked.

The four of them exchanged unhappy looks, but they weren't going to lie to him either.

"Your war has started a lot the same way ours had, did," James sighed, skipping past the time jump. "Random disappearances of people, or at least one that we know of. Maybe it's just because we know who did kill poor Bertha, but I'm sure there's a lot more going on you're not hearing about."

"I'd like to think Dumbledore may be keeping me in on that loop though," Sirius kept going. "So maybe I know more than I put in so far."

"That Dark Mark probably gave you heart failure as well," Remus sighed.

Harry smiled around at them all, happier than he could put into words that they'd actually bothered to explain all of that to him. He wasn't sure why this in particular would mean so much to him, but it was nice they weren't trying to hide this from him at least. It didn't exactly put him back in a good mood as he kept going though.

He promised he'd be in touch, then signed off.

Harry was gaping down at the letter, while Hermione voiced her worry that he was coming back, and Ron asked about the signs?

Hedwig was sitting on Harry's lap, but gave a startled jump when Harry hit himself in the forehead, exclaiming how he shouldn't have told him!

"Oh come on pup," Sirius began whining at once. "You're first reaction to something I'm doing, is to turn and blame yourself."

"I don't want you coming back Sirius," Harry said at once with too wide eyes. "You're safer out of the country, and if telling you my scar hurt is what made you come back, and then you got-"

"Okay," Sirius waved him down, as Harry's voice had started edging towards shouting levels, mostly directed at himself, but with the baby in the room they were trying to avoid that. "Alright Harry, calm down. We've talked about this, remember? You cannot go blaming yourself for everything that I do." He had to speak a bit louder, as Harry looked to cut him off, "if hearing about something going on with you was a motivating factor in me coming back, then I regret nothing. Now give me some credit, the lot of you," he added on harshly as he turned hard eyes on everyone in the room. "I got away with it for a year, and I was only caught because of Snape."

Harry was still dithering, unable to shake this terrible fear he didn't want Sirius coming back, it would be best if he stayed far away, which would keep him alive. He clearly wasn't winning this argument in this timeline though, so he hoped dearly he would in Sirius' future.

Sirius frowned as Harry kept going, as he'd hardly agreed Sirius was right and this wasn't Harry's fault.

Ron asked what that meant, and Harry shouted about how Sirius was coming back because of him, now slamming his fist on the table and watching Hedwig hop around indignantly.

"Poor Hedwig," Lily muttered absently.

Sirius was coming back because he thought he was in trouble, and he wasn't!

"I disagree," Sirius grumbled, "you've got some real mental problems."

Harry shot him a nasty look, thinking this shouldn't be joked about, which Sirius matched back, as he'd argue tell he was blue in the face Harry was safer with him around.

The two sat glaring at each other for a few moments before Remus cleared his throat, and Harry turned back to the book with a touch of indignation.

Hedwig was clicking her beak at Harry in reproval, and he snapped at her that he didn't have anything for her! She took off with a shriek of protest, cuffing him in the head with her wings.

"Temper, temper," James sighed, unable to say he wouldn't be acting the exact same way Harry was in that situation. Sirius never admitted how dangerous his actions could be, and coming back was one they all but him agreed was a terrible one.

Hermione tried to soothe him, but Harry wouldn't hear it and stomped off to bed.

Harry knew that if Sirius came back and got caught, it would be all Harry's fault.

Sirius' hand twitched like he wanted to smack Harry for saying that, but Harry turned sharply and snapped, "I was just reading it, you can't tell me off for doing that yet."

"Exactly," Sirius grinned back, "I ain't done it yet, so knock it off with the attitude."

"You haven't denied that you would do it though," Remus sighed.

Sirius scowled at him next, but when he still said nothing to the contrary Harry continued in seething tones.

He berated himself why he'd even told Sirius.

"That I'll disagree with," James sighed. "I'm glad you did tell Sirius, he's the best person to have told, but his reaction to it isn't what we were hoping for."

"Well I'm so sorry my coming back is such a bother to you lot," Sirius snarled. "I don't regret it for a second though."

"And that's our problem," Lily snapped. "You won't admit that it's even vaguely a bad idea."

"Because I'm staying closer to Harry," Sirius ground out. "I don't know what you lot have been listening to, but you can't pretend that stupid first chapter never happened. Something is definitely up with Voldemort this year, and I want to be there for that."

"Please let me strangle him, just a little," Lily turned beseechingly to James and Remus.

"Not until he actually does it," James sighed. "If in fifteen years or so he does it all again, despite our warnings, then have at him."

"Hey!" Sirius pouted, though there was nothing mock about his outrage.

Remus at least gave a small laugh, though Harry still didn't look remotely appeased. His dad's joke had only been yet another reminder that Harry should be as adamant as ever about keeping Sirius safe, none of them could stand the thought of this future actually happening to him.

Ron came up moments later, but didn't try to speak to Harry. As the dorm fell silent, Harry's mind was too busy spinning to realize the absent snores from Neville's bed meant he wasn't the only one lying awake tonight.

"Chapter's over," Harry groused, giving the book a toss to Remus.

HPHPHPHPHP

*Question offered by Narutofan8762

[linskywords]

criminal-minds-fanfiction wrote a bunch of questions for authors that you’re supposed to let people ask you, buuuut I felt like answering all of them instead of doing my actual job this afternoon. 😄 Here we go:

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

Like 25 maybe? I started writing about a year after I started reading it. I had a fanfiction-deprived adolescence, y’all.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

The hockey boys pulled me in years ago and they haven’t let me go. I do sometimes write other things: I almost always participate in Yuletide, and I’ve actually written a bunch of Animorphs fic under a different name (ask me if you want to see it!). Mostly hockey RPF, though.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

Haha neither. Well, I guess OC’s, if I had to choose -- I don’t read or write reader inserts. But I tend to keep OC’s for original fiction.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

I was very confused about fic having genres before I realized this was probably referring to the genre of the canon works. Um...sports. :D

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Don’t make me choose my favorite child. Um, probably the first wolfverse story -- I don’t know if it’s the best one, but I’m very grateful to it for starting the ‘verse!

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

None of them, if that’s an option. If I really had to choose...probably the Kirk/Spock fic I never finished even after uploading it to AO3 and promising to finish it this time. I still want to finish it!! But it would be the first to go.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

I don’t have a strong preference. Afternoon/evening. I like having multi-hour blocks, and I use the Forest app to keep me off my phone while I do it.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Plot bunnies come from all over the place: random thoughts, memes, real-life conversations, suggestions from other fandom people. I tend to have a pretty strong “THIS IS A STORY I WANT TO WRITE” response when something grabs me the right way.

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

Haha this is probably why I’m not supposed to just answer all of these in order. XD I’ll answer for my current WIP: the scene where Geno kisses Sid for the first time. So soft. So angsty. 😈 (My own story has cursed me to love Geno. I am doomed.)

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

In general: I know how my stories are going to end when they start. Sometimes it does evolve a bit as I write. One thing I’d like to play with is including more of the main characters being together at the end of the story, instead of ending it at the moment when they get together; the latter makes sense from a tension perspective, but I’ve been finding when I read lately that I want more of the happy times at the end, so I’m going to try to move in that direction.

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Only for typos, I think.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Ooooh. Either Patrick Kane or Jonathan Toews. There’s something so compelling to me about Patrick’s fanon voice. And every love interest in every original story I try to write is Jonny.

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

I...don’t really write about characters I don’t like? I wish Auston Matthews would shave his mustache.

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories.

About fifty percent of the titles I come up with are desperate scrambles because I’ve got nothing. The other fifty percent I have a perfect song lyric for from the start.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

I only write OC’s in original fiction, but: I’ve been phonebanking lately, and I’ve been writing down all the good names I come across. The best so far is someone with the last name Quackenboss.

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

MAGIC.

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

Oh...oh no. Um.

“It doesn’t matter what he was thinking about. His knot popped; that’s the important thing.”

Some of you can probably guess what that’s about. :)

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Mostly on my computer. I have a lot of beginnings of stories I haven’t finished yet; many of them I’ll probably go back to. I tend not to post things until I’m done or close to done with them. (That one Star Trek fic being an exception. Mea culpa.)

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

YES. The 1988 timer one and the 1988 story where Patrick’s a girl who sneaks onto the Blackhawks in disguise. I’d love to do a Bennguin version of both of those.

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Hm. Some of them I think I rushed a little. More Than I Could Ever Promise, I think it needs a good old-fashioned battle scene in the mountains at the end to really round out the plot.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Have I mentioned astolat? What, only two or three hundred times? I should mention her again, then. Give me that woman’s ability to plot. Inject it into my veins.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Haha. I often have slightly cringy moments in my old stories. You Made My Life an Adventure, I definitely didn’t really know what I was doing yet...

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I usually listen to music.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Turned on.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Yes. The sequel to My Heart Forgets to Beat.

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

The Sid/Geno wolfverse story I’m working on now is maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever written. The language barrier is such a new challenge for me.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I don’t formally outline, but I tend to have a sense of the major plot beats. One reason I love writing fic is that the plot and world tend to be straightforward enough for that. I have a lot more trouble doing that with original fiction.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

This will radically reduce the amount of time I spend writing original fiction.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Like You Have a Secret I think is less read than some of the others because it’s het, but I really love it. Similarly, some of my stories that are inspired by other works (Tangled, Doctor Who, The Giver) tend to be read less because people think they need to know the source material, when really I deviate from the source material so much it’s not important.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Huh. Probably not. I’m definitely surprised when some stories take off -- Kinda Narrows It Down I wrote pretty quickly, on a whim, and I was surprised by the extent to which it resonated with people. Turns out lots of people think Tyler was coming out in that tweet. XD

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

Ooh. Ignoring the terms of this question, but: I just read this TK/Patty story and loooved it. It’s a different take on werewolves than the one I use in wolfverse, and it’s super compelling:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029188

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Hahahahahaha. (I mean...less so than you might think.)

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

I absolutely love it when people write screaming flaily responses to my fic. Also anytime anyone says that they’ve been having a tough time and my story was exactly what they needed. Maybe my favorite was the responses to More Than I Could Ever Promise that told me it read like a novel; that meant a lot to me right then.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

Fandom is amazing; people almost never give me concrit. I did have someone ask once if I randomly chose when to stop writing and just ended my stories there. I was pretty offended, since of course that’s not true at all, but I can see where they were coming from: my stories tend to wrap up after the characters get together, and sometimes there’s a lot of potential story left to tell at that point. But stories have to end sometime.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I tend to share them! I find other people’s enthusiasm to be strongly motivating, and sometimes people have awesome suggestions I wouldn’t have thought of.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

Well, I only have the one. XD Sid...is about to have an important conversation with Mario.

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

Ooh, I’m not sure I’m the write person to answer! No idea, really. My recent TK/Patty is probably pretty funny. Or maybe Quality Time, where Patrick doesn’t understand why he keeps losing track of time when he’s cuddling with Jonny. Anything with a super dumb protagonist, probably.

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

Wow, I have no idea. I’ve never really written a story with someone, so I’m not sure how that would work. I want to say astolat again but honestly I’d be too intimidated.

...no, I’m gonna say astolat. Even if I made a fool of myself I think I would learn a ton.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

Third. For some original stuff I like first person, but third feels right for the hockey boys.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

My close friends do. Most of my friends have the vague idea I write fic, but they don’t know my username or anything.

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

Patrick Sharp. No question.

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

I will legit listen to a new album with a doc open to write down promising lyrics. Titles are HARD, y’all.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

I think people guessed where the Tangled fic was going. Though I also liked the guesses that it would be about Patrick’s mullet. XD I don’t really mind when people guess twists -- in the kind of story I write, it’s more about the experience of reading it than about surprise!

44) What is the last line you wrote?

“His parents have always been very respectful of any choices Sid’s wanted to make. They haven’t pried into his private life when he’s tried to set boundaries. But they’re wolves, and they know him a lot better than Jordy does. Sid isn’t going to be able to keep it a secret from them what he’s going through.”

...no guarantee it survives in that form. :D

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Getting the story out of my head and into reality! Spoon out that lake, baby.

I also do love the prospect of posting it for people to enjoy and respond to. It’s one of the reasons I find fic so much more rewarding than original fiction, where the timeline to a readership is so much longer.

46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

Things, probably.

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

This exercise might be going off the rails a bit. (If anyone does want to pose this to me, feel free!)

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

Ooh. Mutual pining. Friends to lovers. Werewolves. :D

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

The first fic I ever, ever read was a random Kirk/Spock one I found through google, and I was like “OMG IS THIS WHAT AROUSAL FEELS LIKE”

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Oh man. Angst, as long as it can have a happy ending. But it just wouldn’t be the same without the smut.

[jiffyjimin]

Crush Culture Pt.1

Title: Crush Culture

word count: 2k

Rating:M

Genre: Hybrid Au, Barista x reader, Romance (Eventual Smut)

warnings: mention of abuse

Pairings: Yoongi cat hybrid + Jungkook bunny hybrid x reader, ( Eventual Taehyung fox hybrid x reader)

summary: y/n works at a small cafe in the heart of Seoul. She has a busy life managing college and work, and has only recently realized how lonely she has become. That is, until she meets two hybrids in the alley behind the cafe who are in desperate need of her help. Suddenly her world is no longer lonely, but is it too much to handle? ——————————————————————————

PART 1

I ran full speed across the street and down the small sidewalk, managing to slam into the cafe’s door in the process. Once I opened the door, I was greeted by the one person I was hoping not to see today.

His name is Jackson. He’s been my coworker since I started working here at the Dream Bean Coffee Shop. The reason I don’t want to see said boy today, is because I missed my alarm by an hour and had to fly my ass out the door so I wouldn’t be late. Again. For the 5th time this month. This left me no time to fix my hair, so it’s currently in the messiest, ugliest bun I’ve ever laid eyes on. It’s not that I really want to impress him or anything, but I can’t help but shy away when his eyes glance over my appearance.

“Nice hair” jackson snickered.

If I didn’t think that laugh was sorta cute I probably would’ve smacked that smirk right off of his face.

“Yea yea. Whatever, at least I’m not late.” I sighed as I tied an apron around my waist.

If I had been late one more time I would’ve been fired and I really can’t afford to lose this job. I’m studying at the college nearby and in order to pay for both my apartment, and college, I really needed this job. Both of my parents are well off and send me money if I need it, but I hate it when they do that. I’d prefer to support myself, even though balancing school work and real work is proving to be a struggle.

I don’t have time to talk to my friends anymore and I’ve realized how lonely I actually am in my 2 bedroom apartment. When I first bought the apartment I thought I was going to move in with a friend, but that never worked out.

Jackson is the only friend I have left that I talk to constantly. He’s always there for me, even on my hardest days. We have a very strong friendship, and I plan to always keep in touch, even once I graduate and eventually move to a nicer area. We also agreed that if neither of us are married in 10 years that we’ll get married to eachother, but only for the sole purpose of saving money. There would be no romantic connection, ever.

“So. Why are you almost late this time?” Jackson asked, while pouring a drink for a coustomer. I shook my head. I didn’t want to tell him I overslept again.

“I uh.. was working on homework and lost track of time” I said, busing my hands by making a drink.

“I don’t believe that for a second. How late were you up? You know I worry about you not sleeping enough.” He said, a frown creeping it’s way onto his usually cheerful face.

“I wasn’t up that late.” I lied, while avoiding his soft gaze .

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry” I sighed, placing a drink on the counter.

He suddenly placed his hands on my shoulders, causing me to look up at him. He was a lot closer than I expected, and I could feel my cheeks heat up. I don’t know if it was just because I wasn’t use to human affection, or if it was the fact that I was still a little self conscious of my scattered appearance.

“You know I can’t help but worry. I care about you y/n” he said, looking into my eyes meaningfully. He slid his hands down into a hug, and I hugged back. I sighed heavily into his shoulder, letting out all of the tension I had been holding in for the past week.

“Thanks. But really, I’m doing alright” I said genuinely. I looked up into his eyes and got lost in the golden flecks that encompassed a light honey brown. His eyes were always so soothing and I wasn’t sure why. I got chased out of my thoughts when a customer dinged the bell to get service.

I quickly spun around and rushed to the counter. I could hear a quiet sigh behind me and frowned a little. I don’t want him worrying about me, I’m figuring everything out.

“Hello what can I get for you today?” I took down the customers order and was about to start making it when Jackson snatched the cup out of my hand.

“I got it.” He smiled, running away before I could protest. I huffed, and decided to go restock the cups instead since they were running low. When I went to get them, I noticed the pile of garbage bags in the storage room and decided to take those out first.

I grabbed as many bags as I could fit into my weak noodle arms and shoved my way through the back door to the dumpster. The sight before me when I opened the door caused me to drop all of the bags, the glass inside one of them shattering everywhere.

There were two hybrids inside the dumpster, digging through bags looking for food. The only way I could distinguish them from normal humans was their ears peeking out of the trash. At first I thought they were just strays, and I was about to shoo them away, but then they peeked their heads out of the dumpster. One was a black long haired cat hybrid, and the other seemed to be a white rabbit hybrid. Their features were mesmerizing and they both had a soft kind of beauty. It wasn’t until I stood there starting at them that I realized they had cuts and bruises all over their bodies, and their fur was matter with both blood and dirt.

“Ah hah! Jackpot!” The bunny said, holding up a bag of stale buns that had been thrown away.

The cat lit up at the sight of food, but that’s when they both noticed my presence. I let out a small gasp and as they were jumping away from the dumpster I tried to get them to calm down.

“Wait! I won’t hurt you! I was just-“ I tried explaining what I was doing, but they had already started running back down the alley, as far away from me as possible.They were clearly being hurt by someone, or something, and don’t have any food. I felt really bad for them. And I hate that I scared them away.

As I stood there, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened, I felt a tap on my shoulder and screamed. As I spun around I was met with Jackson stumbling back at the sound I made.

“Oh uh- sorry I-“ he stampered and I just looked down and rubbed my face, exhausted.

“No, you’re fine. I just... never mind.” I said, deciding not to tell him about the hybrids I had seen. I’m going to try to leave food out for them, and I don’t want him scaring them away.

“Are you sure? What just happened?” He asked, motioning to the trash bags that are now leaking onto the floor since they ripped when I dropped them. I didn’t answer, and just began scooping up the trash and throwing the ripped bags into the dumpster. He didn’t ask any more questions and decided to leave it be, which I was happy for.

That night at the end of my shift, I left the hybrids the tray of leftover pastries that the cafe always threw away anyways. I’m not sure if they’ll come back after our encounter, but I’m hoping they do. I can’t get the image of all the bruises on their bodies out of my head. They deserve so much better. It really makes me sick that people think they can just get away with abusing hybrids like that. The whole hybrid system has always been a little messed up in my opinion.

There was a time where I thought about adopting one, but I hated the idea of more or less owning a person. As lonely as I was, I didn’t think it was right. If I ever did adopt a hybrid, I would treat them as equals, and not just as a pet. They are half human after all, and they deserve their own rights. The government is actually working on passing laws that allow hybrids to have more rights, such as being able to work, and not having to wear collars to be outside. If I run into them again, I’m hoping I can get them help in whatever way I can. I just need to earn their trust first, and the way to any mans heart, is FOOD!

I went home that night and had a hard time falling asleep. For some reason, I was worried sick about those two hybrids I had seen. What if they had gotten into trouble when they ran? How long have they been on the streets? There were so many unanswered questions and I just wish I could help.

I awoke the next morning, and was relieved that I didn’t have class today. I still had to go to the cafe however, but now I have something to look forward to when I got to work.

I got ready faster than normal, and rushed to the cafe. I ignored Jackson’s hello, and immediately rushed to the alley. The plate of pastries was completely empty to my relief. I smiled, and let go of a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. I couldn’t see them anywhere, but I know now that they must be staying quite close.

I grabbed a couple of bagels from the storage room and placed them on the tray from last night. This could hold them off before I get the leftovers again, assuming they don’t find food anywhere else. I’d rather be safe than sorry. I don’t want them to starve out there.

I’m not exactly sure why I suddenly started caring about them so much. They’re just two stray hybrids. There’s probably not much I can do, and they’re more trouble than it’s worth.

But when I think back to how cute the bunny was when his nose scrunched in excitement when he found the buns, and the way the cats fluffy tail did a little flick behind him, showing his eagerness, I can’t help but care. They’re just two innocent boys who got stuck in a bad situation.

I was halfway through my shift, and I was taking a small break for lunch. I let Jackson know I was going to the back room to eat, and he waved a hand in acknowledgment as he smirked at his phone. Sometimes he seems so nice, and then other times it’s like I’m not even there. I can’t really complain though, because if I ever actually needed him, there was no doubt that he’d be there for me.

I bit into my sandwich and started watching a YouTube video on my phone. I had my headphones in and couldn’t hear much around me. But, I could have sworn I heard a scream. At first I thought it might’ve just been the video I was watching, but then it got louder. I paused the video, and realized it was coming from outside.

I started to panic because I could hear men yelling loudly outside the door that led to the alley. I didn’t want to get involved, but I was just praying it had nothing to do with the hybrids.

I stayed behind the door and tried to listen, but once I heard two gunshots I opened the door, which was probably a mistake. The sight infront of me made me lose my breath. My knees began to shake and I had to hold the frame of the door so that I wouldn’t fall. I almost fainted when I saw how much blood there was.

There were three older men, surrounding the two hybrids from yesterday. They were holding guns and from what I could tell, the gunshots I had heard were aimed at the hybrids. Their shoulders bled prefusley and I let out a sob at the sight. Which was another mistake.

The three men turned to glare at me and one pointed a gun. I fell to my knees, thinking I would be shot. This was the end. Why did I let these hybrids become the death of me? I don’t even know them. God y/n you can be so stupid sometimes.

“She’s not worth it. Neither are these dumb muts” one of the men said, holding the gun away from me. I let out a quiet sigh as they started to leave. And once they were completely out of sight I caught my breath. I was panting, and I don’t know why.

As I was calming myself down, I realized the two hybrids were still laying against the wall, bullet wounds in their shoulders. I jumped up and rushed over to their sides. They flinched back and growled at me. The cat hissed and tried to swipe at me, but I dodged the weak blow.

“Woah woah woah. Calm down kitty. I’m just trying to help” I said keeping a distance to show that I meant no harm.

“Stay. Away.” The cat warned, his tail whipping angrily behind him. The way he snarled at me has me slightly afraid, but I knew with the condition they were in,they wouldn’t do any serious damage.

I crouched down to their level, to try to seem less intimidating and I think it worked because they seemed to growl less. I stared at the blood gushing out of their wounds and immediately ripped off my jacket. I tore off a sleeve and I reached out a shakey hand. I was going to try to tie it around the wound to apply pressure and stop the bleeding.

It was the bunny this time that growled as I approached. I didn’t even know bunnies could growl like that. It caused me to fall back a little onto my hand and scrape it against the concrete. I winced in pain and looked at my hands which were now slightly bleeding. The bunny’s gaze softened for a moment when he saw my hands, but then he returned to growling.

I just about had it. I’m just trying to help them and all theyre doing is growling at me. “Look. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t die. You can growl at me all you want, but please just let me help you.” I said, slightly irritated.

“Yeah. And why should we trust you?” The cat sneered , trying to push himself away from me.

“I know you probably don’t trust me. But I’m not like those men. I won’t hurt you... I promise” I sighed, looking at my hands. If they wouldn’t let me help them, then I would need to call for backup. There was no way I was going to leave them like this.

The bunny cried and held his shoulder. His ears were flat against his skull and he looked like he was about to pass out. The cat looked at the pain the bunny was in, and seemed to be having an internal battle with himself. He looked at me, his eyes burning into my soul.

“Fine. But so help me, if you even THINK about hurting him, or me, you’ll be dead. And that’s a promise.” The cat said sinisterly. But as his shoulders relaxed, I could tell he knew he needed my help. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself.

I reached forward hesitantly, and began wrapping the cloth around their wounds. I got a few growls here and there, but neither tried to stop me. The bunny had passed out as I was wrapping his shoulder, and that’s when I began to panic.

“Oh god. No! please hang in there.” I said, my breath ragged. I pulled his body forward and without thinking, placed his body over my shoulder. I stumbled backwards at his weight, but managed to keep myself standing.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” The cat hissed at my actions. Looking like he was ready to fight me again.

“Relax kitty. I’m taking you two to the doctor.” I said, trying to walk but failing with the weight of the bunny.

“Yeah, and how’s that working for you?” He almost laughed at my pitiful attempt to save them.

“And stop calling me kitty..” he growled, eyes narrowing in on me.

“Look!” I almost yelled.

“I’m trying my damn best. It’s not like I experience this every day. And it would really help if you would just cooperate so that you don’t both die.” I exclaimed, as I shifted the weight of the bunny on my shoulder, now able to walk a little easier.

The cat glared up at me, and let out a huff as he tried to stand up. “I didn’t ask for your help you know” he said, but continued to walk with me down the alley.

“I know. But here I am” I said, not looking at him. I could feel his gaze on my every move, and I thought I heard a quiet sigh come from him, but I might’ve been hearing things.

I directed them to my car which was about a block away, and carefully placed the bunny in the back seat. The cat looked at me skeptically, but got into the back with the bunny.

I drove as fast as I could to the hospital and immediately got them into a room to be taken care of. I waited outside of their room for what felt like ages, until a doctor finally came out.

“So good news! Your hybrids are going to be alright. The bullets didn’t go that deep, so we were able to extract them and sew up their wounds. They need to stay here for another day to heal, but after that they should be fine” the nurse explained. I didn’t have the heart to correct her when she said they were my hybrids.

“That’s great news! Thank you so much.” I let out a relieved sigh. I guess I could leave now that I know they are okay. But something inside told me to stay.

“You can go in and visit them now if you’d like.” The nurse said, opening the door to their room. I wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea, seen as they both hated me, but my feet were taking me into their room before I could even think.

I looked at the hybrids laying on the beds, their shoulders wrapped in gauze, and IVs sticking out of their arms. They hadn’t noticed my presence yet, so I cleared my throat. “Hey... uh..” I said, trying to think of something to say.

“Thank you.” The bunny whispered, catching me off guard.

“W-Wait wha-“ I stuttered, but he cut me off.

“Thank you for saving us. I’m sorry we were such trouble.” The bunny quietly said, twitching his nose in the process. My heart melted at his words and I could have died happily right there at the sight of this bunny shyly thanking me for saving his life.

“You’re welcome. It’s the least I could do.” I said with a small smile.

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to. You could have just finished us off like those men would have” the cat explained, looking at me with a slightly more aggressive look in his eye.

“But I guess, thank you.” The cat grumbled. The bunny gave a little huff and the cat whined.

“And... I’m sorry.” The cat exhaled, as if he were in trouble and were confessing his sins.

I chuckled at the cats attempt of an apology, but It meant a lot that he tried. “You’re welcome. But there’s really no reason to apologize. I probably scared you just as much as those men had. I really don’t blame you. If anything, I am sorry. And thank you for not killing me in return for this” I chuckled, which earned a small smirk from the cat.

“Who says I won’t?” He chuckled. If it weren’t for the small smirk he had, I might have actually believed his threat.

“I never got your names?” I said, hoping to learn more about them before I likely never saw them again.

“Yoongi. And this is Jungkook.” The cat- Yoongi said, pointing to the bunny- jungkook next to him, who’s little bunny tail twitched in response.

“Nice to meet you Yoongi, and Jungkook. My name is y/n” I smiled reaching a hand out, but then realized they can’t exactly move their arms right now. I awkwardly put my hand back down and the bunny chuckled. I couldn’t help the blush that creeped onto my cheeks.

“Yeah. It’s nice to meet you too..” the cat said, scanning me up and down. He still seemed quite guarded.

The nurse barged in suddenly and began typing something into a computer. “So.. it looks like we couldn’t pull up any information on these two. Would you happen to have their adoption papers?” The nurse asked me.

I shuffled awkwardly and glanced at the hybrids who just looked at their hands ashamed. “Uh... no. I don’t. They’re not mine” I explained, looking at the nurse unsure.

“Oh! I see. Well in that case, since they don’t have an owner, we’ll just have to take them to the pound.” She said, nochalantly.

“Pound?!” I said, my heart suddenly racing, I couldn’t let them be taken to the pound where they’ll likely end up in a bad situation again with a bad owner. I could hear the two hybrids whine behind me and I turned to them. They shared a terrified look and I wanted nothing more than to stop their fear.

“Unless that is.. you want to adopt them?” The nurse asked, looking at me curiously. I stood there shocked for a moment. There was no way. I mean, I do have an extra room at my apartment, but I work so much that I’d never be able to be there for them. And I’m probably not that great of an owner in general. They’d be better off finding some other owner.

But as I looked back at the two hybrids, they were both looking at me as if I were their last hope. I was the only one who could stop them from being further abused. I sighed, “um... would that. Would that be alright with you two?” I asked anxiously, studying their expressions to see if they would object.

“I just don’t want you to end up at the pound. And if for any reason, you want to leave and find someone else to stay with, I understand, and I won’t make you stay. I just want what’s best for you..” I said not meeting their gazes, at the fear of them saying they wanted nothing to do with me.

There was silence for a while and I began freaking out. “It’s alright. Really. I understand, I’m sure the pound isn’t-“ I began but was cut off.

“Yes.” Yoongi said.

I looked at him confused.

“We’re alright with staying with you.” He further explained. I sighed in relief and didn’t notice the bunny smiling at me weakly.

“You’ve given us no reason to fear you, and you’re right, you’re probably a better option than the pound.” Yoongi said, explaining his reasoning. I smiled and bowed my head slightly.

“But don’t expect us to be cuddling with you anytime soon. We still don’t know you” yoongi said giving me a side glare.

“Thank you for trusting me. I promise I won’t make you regret it.” I said, approaching their beds a little bit more. I saw them flinch, and it was then that I knew I got a little too excited too quickly. It would take them a long time to warm up to me, let alone fully trust me. They’ve been through so much, it’s selfish of me to want them to be comfortable with me right away. I just hope they eventually let their guard down.

—————————————————-

(I’ll eventually put the link to part two here)

Hello! Thanks for reading the first part of Crush Culture! I hope you all enjoyed it, and don’t be afraid to message me or request story ideas, or just to chat. This is my first big project I’m working on, so it’s probably not great, but I hope y’all still enjoy it :)) I hope you’re all doing good during quarantine💜 much love

Xx jiffyjimin

[rosemaidenvixen]

A Secret’s Worth

Chapter 10: Mary

Ao3

The concrete bench of the table Mary was sitting at was profoundly uncomfortable. It had never been the most luxurious place to have lunch, but today the molded concrete seemed extra hard and gritty. And based off the looks on Claire and Darci’s faces, they felt the exact same way. 

But the seating arrangements were the least of their worries right now. Mary kept her gaze fixed squarely on the side door of the school building in the distance. Waiting for Jim and Toby to come outside and approach.

The three of them had spent weeks planning to time this perfectly down to the last second. Beginning of lunch period, and their next class was literally two minutes away. Outdoor table on the far side of the school property; no crowds, limited traffic. Wednesday on their first week back, well enough into the week that all new projects and assignments had been given out, but not soon enough for anything to be due. 

Plenty of time to sit and talk, no rushing to finish or get to their next class. And their table was far enough out of the way that no one would be near enough to overhear or interrupt. 

They’d briefly tossed around the idea of trying to talk to Jim at one of their houses, but in the end decided against it. It might make Jim feel cornered and that was the last thing they wanted.

With all the thought they’d put into this there was no way it wouldn’t go perfectly.

But that didn’t stop Mary from being so anxious she wanted to puke. 

She had never done anything like this before. Hell, she’d never thought she’d have to. But here she was.

Her breath hitched when Mary saw Jim and Toby step out of the door and start to walk up to their table from the far side of the field. A wave of nausea washed over her, although she did her best not to show it.

Mary swallowed hard and forced her stomach to settle. Keep it together, this wasn't about her. It was about Jim, she owed it to him to do this. And besides, she wasn't alone. 

In her peripheral vision Mary could see Claire sitting straight up hands folded in her lap, taut as a wire; Darci gripping the concrete bench beneath her with fingers like claws.

Without raising her arms more than an inch, Mary reached out and covered each of her friends’ hands with one of her own.

They were going to get through this; all of them. By the end of today the hardest part would be over and Jim would be safe. They just had to rip the band aid off and get things going.

Jim and Toby took their seats at the table, smiling and relaxed like it was just another regular day of lunch.   

If only.

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” Toby said cheerfully.

None of them said anything, his sunny attitude seemed painfully out of place. 

Toby instantly picked up on the mood “Is something wrong, why the long faces?”

In her peripheral vision Mary could see Dacri and Claire stiffen on either side of her. 

This was it. Time to find out once and for all whether or not Jim’s mom was doing what they thought she was.

She pulled in a deep breath through her nose. From the beginning Mary knew she was going to have to be the one to take point on this. Claire still had her huge crush on Jim, not that there was anything wrong with that, but it might hold her back from pushing too hard if Jim needed an extra shove. And quite frankly Darci was just too nice. The possibility of bringing Toby in on their plan had come up, but had gotten shot down almost immediately. There hadn’t been a good way to meet up with him alone over break, and trying to tell him over the phone was way too dicey.

Bottom line, they could not risk Dr. Lake getting tipped off.

Which meant it all fell down to Mary to take charge. Was she looking forward to it? Hell no. But there was a chance Jim could be in serious trouble. And there was no fucking way Mary was going to let that go on. 

Not if she could do something about it.

“Actually…” Mary spoke up slowly and deliberately “There’s something we need to talk about,” 

The second the words left her mouth Toby froze and Jim went rigid, after a few beats of awkward silence he gave her a painful looking smile.

“Is this about my curfew again? I’ve told you guys I just--”

“We know your mom locks you in the basement,” 

And there it was, out in the open.

Even though Mary had seen the scratches on the door with her own two eyes. Looked at the pictures of them on her phone over a thousand times, to the point where she thought she was going insane; there had been a part of her that doubted. That whispered there was probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything that she was just too dumb to think of. And accusing his mom of the worst would be crossing an unforgivable line; pissing Jim off beyond belief and completely humiliating herself, along with Darci and Claire, in the process. 

But one look at his face and every doubt she had vanished.

The way his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, the juice box slipping from his hand and landing on his tray with a clunk. How she could practically see the his face get paler by the second. 

It was true. Every bit of it. Jim’s mom was locking him up and he’d been keeping it secret from everyone this whole time.

“How-- how did--”

“We saw the scratches on the basement door when we were over on new years,” Mary said, softer now “Don’t worry, we believe you,”

“Oh my god,” Claire whispered “The night after the movies...I’m so sorry Jim, I never would have suggested we stay late if I knew your mom would...”

Toby stared back and forth between Jim and Claire, looking completely lost “I don’t...what are you guys-- what are you guys talking about?”

Mary ignored him. Toby could be brought up to speed later. Now that they knew for sure what  Jim’s mom was doing, they needed to take the next step “Ok Jim, you need to talk to the police, like yesterday,”

He blinked at her “What?”

“It will be ok, after school we’ll all go with you to the police station. And even if the cops don’t believe you I have pictures of the scratch marks on the door on my phone. That should be enough to convince them,”

Instead of reassuring him, Jim looked horrified by this idea “No! We can’t do that!”

Darci got up and walked around the table to take a seat a Jim’s side “Jim, you’re scared, I get it, but we have your back, you don’t have to be afraid of your mom anymore,”

“That’s not-- that isn’t--” Jim laid his head in his hands and let out a deep, shuddering breath “It’s not what you guys think...”

“Jim, what-- what are you saying?” Toby’s voice shook with steadily rising panic “What’s going on?”

Jim whipped his head over towards Toby, expression agonized “Tobes-- I, I...”

Claire raised both hands up “Ok let’s just all just take a deep breath calm down,” she looked over towards Jim “Darci’s right, we’re in this together, and we’re not going to let your mom hurt you. But you have to tell people what’s happening,”

Rather than reassure him their words seemed to have the opposite effect. Jim was hunched over with his arms wrapped around himself, shaking more and more with every breath he took.

A frown started tugging on Mary’s lips as uncertainty crept in. Even if they went with Jim to the police station, would he even be able to bring himself to tell the truth? If she had scared him so bad that he was too afraid to talk about it even when it was just the five of them….

No. She wasn’t going to let that happen.

Steeling  herself, Mary reached into her pocket to pull out her phone. If Jim wasn’t strong enough to do this by himself  right now then Mary would do it for him.

How could she call herself his friend if she didn’t.

“Ok new plan. You don’t worry about anything, I’ll call the police tell them everything,” she looked up and gave him her most confident smile, the one that said ‘Don't worry I’ve got this’ “And if push comes to shove I’ll convince my moms to let you sleep on our couch,”

Mary had just pulled up the website for the Arcadia Oaks police department when her phone was nearly ripped from her hands.

She jerked backwards on reflex and was stunned to see Jim hanging halfway over the table “Jim! What the hell!?”

“You can’t call the cops on my mom!”

“Um, I have vocal chords and a working phone, I’m pretty sure I can,”

“You’re going to get her in trouble!”

Daric put a hand on his shoulder, expression wavering between sympathy and confusion “Jim, if your mom locks you in the basement then she should be in trouble,”

“It’s-- It’s not like that!”

“Then what is it like?” Toby’s voice was steadier now but his smile was brittle “Just-- tell us what really happened, I’m sure this is just a big misunderstanding,”

Jim whipped around, looking at all of them in turn, jaw working up and down with words he couldn’t manage to say.

This was starting to go off the rails, time for Mary to get things back on track, she laid her phone face down on the table, so Jim knew he had her full attention “I don’t know what your mom said she’d do if you told anyone, but whatever it is we won’t let it happen, you don’t have to pretend anymore,”

Before Jim could even open his mouth to get a word out, Darci spoke up “Mare’s right, no matter what your mom said she’d do if you told, we can protect you,”

He just stared at her like she just told him the world was ending. 

Jim grabbed the edge of the table, painful looking with the strength he was gripping the concrete with, his breath came in increasingly large, quivering, gusts. It looked like he was an inch away from either crying or screaming “Guys-- stop it, please,”

Toby reached out and rubbed Jim’s unoccupied shoulder comfortingly, a pained look on his face. Mary shared an uncertain glance with Darci and Claire. They knew things might get tense but this was bad. They needed to convince him that they wouldn’t let his mom retaliate. The police would stop her, if push came to shove they would stop her.

But if they wanted to stop her for good Jim had to talk.

Trying one more time, Claire sat up straighter and leaned forward “I know this is hard Jim. But your mom doing this to you...that isn’t right. You need to talk to the cops, or a teacher, or someone so they can help you,”

“I don’t-- it’s not--” Jim flicked his gaze from side to side before lowering his head and speaking in a hoarse whisper “Mom hasn’t locked me down there since I was seven, ok?”

You could have heard a pin drop as all of them stared at him in horrified silence.

“She...she what?” Toby whispered. 

Jim’s eyes widened and he clapped a hand over his mouth, as if just now realizing what he said.

Mary knew her jaw was hanging open but she couldn’t figure out how to shut it. Her brain had short circuited and now none of her body parts would work right.

They’d known from the scratches that Jim had been locked in the basement when he was younger, but to know that he’d been that little….

Two wires clicked in her brain.

A chill flickered to life in her chest, slowly starting to creep across the rest of her body as the horrifying thought took root.

If Jim had been that young when his mom had stopped locking him in the basement…. 

That he must have been even younger when she started.

The edges of her vision got blurry as her head started to swim. How old had he been? Five...four….three? Mary’s stomach curdled as she imagined Jim as a little little kid locked down in that cold, dark basement. 

Meanwhile Jim was trying to stammer out an explanation “N-- no I, I didn’t mean-- you guys have to understand, I was a messed up kid, Mom only put me down there because she had to!”

Mary ignored his babbling and pulled her phone back up with shaking hands “I’m calling the police now,” she barely managed to keep her voice firm “I don’t care what kind of a kid you were. If your mom has been locking you in the basement for that long then she should be in jail. Plain and simple,”

Jim looked at her like she’d slapped him “Look, I can’t tell you why, but she doesn’t deserve to go to jail, please you have to believe me!”

Mary glanced over at him; wincing at his terrified, pleading expression. This was hard, and she felt for him, she really did, But the only way out was forward, and no matter how tough this was going to be for him they needed to push through.

One day Jim would thank her.

“I know you’re scared Jim, but I promise once we tell the right people this is all going to get better,” she softened her voice “Your mom isn’t going to lock you up ever again,”

She had already dialed half of the non-emergency number for the Arcadia Oaks PD when she heard Jim speak up.

“No...what...what I said was wrong,” 

Mary paused in her typing and glanced up from the screen, everyone but Jim wore matching looks of surprise “Wait, you mean your mom didn’t stop locking you in the basement when you were seven?”

Jim’s features wavered before hardening into a cold mask “No, I mean my mom didn’t lock me in the basement at all,”

All Mary could do was blink.

What?

“Jim,” Darci turned towards him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion “You literally just said that she did,”

“No.” his voice grew steely “I didn’t,”

He shook off their hands and grabbed his tray, standing up from the table “My mom never locked me in the basement and that’s what I’ll say to the cops or anyone else who asks, now I need to go and get started my spanish paper,”

Seeing Jim turn to walk away, from them, from everything they were trying to do to help him, red hot fire exploded in Mary’s chest “No you don’t,” she growled with a force that surprised her, pushing herself out of her seat “The paper isn’t due until next Friday and I know you planned on working on it during free period on Thursday and Tuesday. So. Don’t. Lie. To. Me.”

All of them recoiled from the venom in her voice as she practically spat the words out, even Jim staggered before quickly composing himself “Look, it doesn’t matter, my mom never locked me in the basement and that’s that, and whatever scratches you think you saw, those were probably just made by racoons,”

Thinking quick, Mary grabbed her phone and waved it in front of him “Well I’m pretty sure the recording I just made would disagree,”

It was a complete and total bluff. She hadn’t actually recorded anything, but Jim didn’t need to know that.

Jim’s face went from stony to stricken as he lunged forward, making a grab at her phone. Mary danced out of reach and clutched it tighter to her chest.

“G-- g-- give me that,” 

Claire got to her feet and stood by Mary’s side, stand off forming “Jim, your mom locked you up, we all know it so why are you trying to protect her? You don’t have to be afraid of her anymore, we can keep you safe,”

Jim looked longingly at the phone nestled snugly in Mary’s hands “You guys don’t get it, I’m not afraid of my mom, I can’t let you get her into trouble,”

Darci came up beside him “Ok, when an adult locks a little kid in a basement that’s wrong, you know that right?”

“I-- I-- I was a screwed up kid, she had no choice,”

“No you weren’t Jim,” Toby said, slowly getting to his feet to flank him “You really weren’t,”

“And it really doesn’t matter what kind of kid you were,” Darci said with increased exasperation “You know what your mom’s doing is wrong, so why are you trying to defend her?”

Jim slammed his tray on the ground “You don’t understand!”

“Then tell us!” Mary shrieked so loud that Señor Ulh, all the way over on the front walkway, turned and stared “Make us understand! Just stop lying and let us help you!”

Mary knew she shouldn’t be screaming; they’d come here to help Jim, not harass him, but she couldn’t help it. Dr. Lake shoved him in the basement and put a lock on the door. And he was lying about it to protect her. The person who was hurting him.

Taking advantage of the lull of silence, Claire darted around the table towards Jim “Listen, no matter what your mom said or did we’re your friends and we’ll always have your back, but we can’t help you if you don’t tell the truth,”

Jim frantically looked around, cagey and desperate, without even meaning to they’d surrounded him on all sides. 

“Please…” Claire reached out and put a hand on Jim’s shoulder “Just let us help you,”

Now they all looked at him expectantly. Jim shriveled under their gazes, curling in on himself and gripping his upper arms with what must have been bruising force.

Mary stayed where she was, head held high and feet firmly planted on the ground, eyes locked on Jim. Bracing herself for the coming storm of tears, accusations, or whatever else Jim was going to explode with.

Suddenly he bolted, turning and sprinting away from them back towards the school. The four of them were stunned into silence for a split second before Toby and Claire started after him, Mary and Darci rooted in place with shock.

“Jim stop-- wait! Come back!”

“Please Jim, we’re only trying to help!”

If Jim heard them he ignored them, not slowing down as he ran up to the door and ripped it open with surprising force.

Even from this far away Mary could see crystal clear as the door slammed shut right in Toby’s face.

[jarofrebuke-transcripts]

Jar of Rebuke Episode 1 Unofficial Transcript

Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

INTRO

The following audio recording is classified documentation for Case [audio distortion] with the Enclosure. Unauthorized access to this information will lead to immediate intervention. Progress further if proper clearance has been given.

JARED

Dr. Daman has suggested that I start an audio journal of some kind, something outside of my therapy sessions to help me track my progress or whatever. Considering I don't have much of anything that's mine anymore, she suggested that this might actually be a good way to reclaim some of my individuality. Maybe talking about what I do know of myself might help me remember more. So I guess I'll start with what I know. My name is Dr. Jared Hel. I'm a field researcher for the Enclosure. I specialize in studying the particularly dangerous creatures around here. For some reason, no matter their effect on others, nothing is permanent on me. Gods, the amount of times I've died this last year is probably more than I should ever care to admit. I guess it's a blessing in disguise though, it's job security, for one thing. A scientist who can't die no matter how dangerous the entity he's studying? I think I'm set. Sure, I may bounce back from death with a few more scars but they're relatively healed up and I'm rarely ever in much pain when I wake up. Though, to be fair, if the Enclosure just left these creatures alone I’m sure this wouldn't even be an issue in the first place, but no... they just gotta meddle.

I started working at the enclosure, what, two years ago? Though I've really only been on the field for less than a year. Apparently, I worked at a different research site for some other organization before that but I don't really remember anything from before two years ago. I supposedly transferred here to research a particularly dangerous subject, the one that... um... well the one that killed my team. And me, I guess. The most frustrating thing is the lack of remembering- I don't remember any of their names, their faces, nothing. I had to relearn absolutely everything and no matter what I relearn I never remember. It's so infuriating knowing that there's a whole childhood and more that I have yet to recollect anything from. I feel so left out of reminiscent conversations, you know? Well of course you know, I'm practically talking to myself here. All I know of myself before the incident is what was on my work file- top of my class graduate from IU, but I don't remember a damn thing about my time there. Apparently there's a lot of fields around there, though I guess that's not too different from the towns around here. Born and raised in those corn fields, according to my records. No documented family to speak of. But from what other folks in the lab have shared about their families- maybe I’m not missing out on too much.

When asked about getting in touch with the folks from the other facility that I worked at they didn't seem to think that it would be too helpful. Hell, how would they even know who to put me in touch with? Wasn't like they would have documented my friends or anything. So again, nothing. Story of my damn life. And of course there's Todd. Oh I’m sorry, Dr Todd Carmen. He's currently head of operations at the enclosure. He's, uh, I'll say he's a character. Not as unique as he thinks he is but certainly not boring, but just because something isn't boring doesn't mean that it's entertaining. He has a fashion sense that I would have never personally considered wearing, but um that shade of orange with his pale complexion? Simply bold choices in my opinion. But I'm sure he'll get himself sorted out someday. Besides all that though I guess it's not too bad. Job security with benefits- apparently a lot of jobs don't offer health insurance. Though with our line of work it's kind of necessary, to keep us alive.

Uh, what else do I know? The Enclosure is an organization based out in the middle of absolute nowhere that researches the various anomalies, but really only bothers with the particularly dangerous ones. Like, really dangerous ones. I mean bigfoot, mothman, that sort of stuff they really just leave to their own devices for the most part. Sure they hurt and even I guess sometimes kill people, but not a lot of people, and enough people already know about those things to not really hide them away now. Wichton is like two hours from any other town. It's guised as a farming town. Uh well no, it is a farming town but the enclosure has taken it as its guise. Most of the facilities are underground, deep underground. They paid off all the townsfolk back when they were building to not ask questions. And considering they built it during a massive economic depression, no one asked questions, the townsfolk took the money. But there's still some circulating rumors about us to this day, of course. As long as we keep the particularly dangerous creepy crawlies underground with us they've got no reason to worry too much. Sure, sometimes things sneak out and make weird noises in the fields at night but country folk are superstitious folk, and if nothing else it's what these people have known all their lives. Suspicious lights, weird noises and mutated deer don't even faze these people. The Enclosure picks its battles when it decides what to tackle, that's for damn sure. Not like they're an international brand or anything, they only have the resources to stick to these neck of the woods, and with all the anomalies in these parts, not really surprised that they settled here. Been here for nearly 100 years and have very little idea why it's such a supernaturally charged area. Some say it might be the fact that folks are so superstitious that it basically invites the energy here. But others think there's a reason, but it ain't my department to figure that out. The hardest part of the job is getting things into the facility. But sometimes the hot shots up top decide to just have us study those things from afar since taking them out of their established locations seems impossible. So many ladies in gray and white dresses all over the place, we can't exactly make a support group for them here or anything! Not when they're out busy haunting dunes or lakes or crying by the side of the road or whatever. Not really hurting anyone all that much, so they've mostly just been left alone. We keep tabs, but we also don't always interfere. Oh and being the sacrificial lamb is a bit annoying, but I bounce back quickly enough. Death has gotten less disorienting over time, but no less annoying.

What did I do today? Well... I had a shorter day, shift-wise, so I went in at like 6 a.m, then got out around one-ish. I was supposed to leave closer to noon but I ended up having to stop at Dr. Rahal’s office for a bit for my headaches. They've been getting worse and we don't really know why. At least they come and go in waves, so I get some peace at times. It's always nice to see Dr. Rahal though, he's been the nicest to me since I started at this place, from what I can remember at least. He's one of the Enclosure physicians who I've been seeing. From anything to work related injuries that aren't too severe to these headaches. I swear I've never met a guy in my life who can smile so genuinely and be so sincerely happy over just about anything. It'd honestly be annoying if it weren't so sincere and if he also weren't so genuinely nice. He's really trying to help with these headaches but medicine doesn't really ever help and the medical scans showed nothing that would indicate any issue. I mean, not that they let me see the medical scans. I guess I wouldn't understand them anyways, even if they did let me.

Dr. Rahal thinks that it's likely stress so that takes us back to therapy with Dr. Daman. Had a session after work, which was when she suggested that I really start this up. She's suggested it before but I kind of dismissed the idea until today. She made a very good point- what's the harm in doing it? I mean, it can't make the headaches worse and even if it doesn't help me remember anything, maybe getting things off my chest could help in some way. Therapy was uneventful, not like much happens in a week, just the usual work stuff mostly. Though I have started going out after work a bit more often, even if it's just to a local shop or to grab a bite to eat. Dr. Daman suggested a few months back that I socialize a bit more, and it's been kind of nice. Weird, but nice. I've mostly stuck to myself outside of work, honestly. Well, besides those community events that you're basically ostracized if you don't attend or you get bombarded with those calls of “where were you last night? We were so worried about you, are you okay?”, even if you don't remember giving them your number. I like to go to a restaurant in town called the Royal Cow, they make the best in-house ice cream. They built it to look like one of those red farm houses which matches most of the buildings in town, but their mint chocolate chip ice cream is basically the best ice cream I've ever had. They also make really, really good sugar cream pie. Get it when it's still fresh, it's a little warm, melts in the mouth. I mean it basically cures any hankering for a sweet tooth. So that's what I ordered- a fresh slice of sugar cream pie. But that was my dessert. They do also have some pretty good not-sweet foods. Their lunch menu is alright but their breakfast food is really where it's at. And they do that breakfast all day thing, so I got their breakfast platter which is really, really good food.

On my way home, I bumped into Darius. He's the son of some local farmers in town. His dads have an apple orchard, on top of everything else. The Enclosure actually keeps tabs on their farm, because no matter what his dad John plants, apples always grow. I mean no matter what John plants. He could plant pumpkin seeds in the fall but no apple trees are gonna spring up and I'll be damned if those aren't the best apples. I mean sometimes crab apples grow instead, he can't really control what kind of apples grow, but John has found a way to make crab apples into really good apple pies and ciders and stuff. I've heard they make good jams and jellies, but he perfected a crab apple pie. He said it's “just a lot of love” but I think there's something with those apple trees. But again, not my department to figure it out. Darius and I made small talk. The weather, mostly. So mostly just complaining about how it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so humid or if we just had a nice breeze, but the shade does help. He always makes excuses to talk to me. I'm not complaining, but that does seem to be a thing around town is everyone makes excuses to talk to everybody. Like the one time that Holly stopped me in the middle of the road to chat when we were passing each other. It's a community norm, I guess, but Darius always wants to talk again. I'm not complaining, he's a really nice conversational partner we can chat about just about anything with certain obvious restrictions. He knows I work at the Enclosure, but folks in town seem to think it's some hoity-toity but shady government job. I don't really think we're tied to the government, per se, but whatever lie they've told the towns is just what I stick with. Whether or not they believe that is entirely another story. He knows I'm a scientist, but he thinks i'm more of an environmental natural scientist instead of a supernatural scientist. I guess whether or not he believes that is an entirely other story too, but we don't really talk about work much. On my end I don't bring it up and while he does talk about working on the family farm from time to time, especially because they expect for him to take over, he tries to find other things to talk about. He's gone back to school recently. They recently in town set up a sort of trade school, I guess, where if anyone's considered a master in town they can teach classes to teach other people in whatever skills they have to share. Seems Darius is taking a bit of a Home Ec class, I guess, sewing and cooking and things like that. He said that he's great with his hands in the field but he really wants to round out his hand skills. He then awkwardly chuckled after that but I don't understand why. I mean it's completely respectable to want to be able to stitch up your own clothes or actually have a nice dinner besides the reheated leftovers left on your doorstep or to know what to do when your microwave catches fire. Honestly, I don't really know what all they teach in those classes. I'd never even heard of something like a Home Ec class until Darius told me about it. I wonder if I ever took one. If i wasn't so busy with work I would actually look into taking classes. I like to learn and Darius even said that he'd be more than happy to help me with anything if I needed it which is nice. But I'm a really fast learner. I actually get bored a lot because of it. I don't see why anyone would need five months or years of training or educating. No, I can see why. I also just know that I am the anomaly. When I forgot everything and had to relearn how to read I was at a 10th grade reading level. By what, just a few weeks? And then I was at college level again in a matter of a month. But even though I was relearning stuff quick I never remembered anything. I never remembered books I've read before the incident, I never remembered learning how to read the first time, I just was quickly relearning how to read. I don't even know if you would consider remembering how to read. I mean I'm never remembering anything. I don't even remember the creature that I was working with in the incident. And no one will tell me anything, because they said they want me to remember organically, or something like that. They said they feared something like a trauma, whiplash? I really don't understand it and it just pisses me off more than anything. But Dr. Daman won't budge. No one will let me look over any files of the incident or files on the other lab techs who died. They slapped this key around my neck and said, “here, to keep your brain in check. Oh, you literally remember nothing? Well tough luck, see this therapist and see what happens!” Ugh. They said if it weren't for my weird powers then the incident would have killed me too. They said they don't know why I have this ability to rebound from death like it nearly never happened but they sure are willing to use my ability for work.

Right, the key. Uh, when I woke up the first thing the doctors did was have me wear it around my neck. It’s on some sort of sturdy red cord. I've never taken the thing off in years. You would think that it may have faded a bit or that the cord would have worn, but no. Cord is still sturdy and the key is just as shiny as the day they gave it to me, which isn't that shiny, it was a bit tarnished already, but hasn't gotten any more tarnished. It's supposed to keep my brain in check after the effects of, well, the incident. Dr. Daman says that if I take it off, I risk unlearning absolutely everything that I've learned in the last two years. I don't know why the key is supposed to be the thing that does this, but this is the only time that death has ever made me lose everything, so I figured what's the harm in wearing it. Not like it hurts to wear or anything.

Darius has asked me about it before though. Not when we first met or anything but after multiple times of running into each other he finally asked. I get asked about it a lot but I just say that it's a familial trinket and they tend to just leave it be. But darius had asked after we'd shared a few drinks at a local bar and even though I have a bit of a high tolerance for alcohol and never stay drunk long, he seemed to ask at just the right moment for me to open up a bit more, I guess. I said it's a comfort item, which I guess isn't exactly the whole truth, I actually honestly hate this thing. A constant reminder of all the things that I've forgotten. But I guess there's slight comfort and knowing that because of this key everything that I've relearned will stick. They say it's important to understand all that you don't know, but I know all too well that I've got at least 20 years of things that I don't remember. But hey, with this key I guess i can rebuild that. I must have seemed uncomfortable about this question where he was satisfied with that answer because Darius let it go after that, but I catch him staring at it sometimes. He's asked what I know about skeleton keys, and all things considered I didn't know much, at least didn't remember. He told me that his dads both told him about the powers that keys hold, not just to lock things but even more importantly to unlock them. That a skeleton key could lock or unlock any door to a given building, no matter what other keys people had, commonly used by cleaners and inn owners and stuff like that. He really seems fixated on the idea and I guess the symbolism is a bit striking with my current situation considering... whatever. The less he knows the better. It would be nice to talk to someone outside of the enclosure about more personal stuff from time to time but I can't go around spilling secrets.

Right, my day. Uh, lunch, talked with Darius, uh... after about 15 minutes of “all right I should get going”-s and taking a few steps apart, starting to have talked about other topics and repeating the process, I finally started home. On my way home I drove past some corn fields and various other pastures. The Enclosure gave me a house near the edge of town because after a year of rigorous relearning I didn't want to live in their communal housing anymore. It's not too far from Darius's family orchard and farm which is nice. Nicest farm in the area, in my opinion. There's no real rivalry between the farmers, at least nothing too intense. But something about those trees in the distance out of my window is really relaxing. All the cattle I passed on my way home had moved to face the same direction near the fences and stared into the distance mindlessly grazing. That and the clouds rolling in were very strong indicators that there was going to be a heck of a storm tonight. I didn't listen to the weather announcement this morning but the sky's only gotten darker now so i'm ready to sleep like the dead tonight. But when I was pulling into my driveway I saw something rustling in the bushes by my front door. I thought maybe it was a squirrel or a rabbit or something but then two tiny hands parted the leaves and I saw one of those black-eyed children just sitting there staring at me. I normally only see them at night. I guess it was waiting for me to come home to loiter on my doorsteps or something, I don't know. When I got out of the car I was surprised when it actually climbed out of the bush and just rigidly stared at me with those lifeless black eyes. I got my stuff out of my car and made my way to the door, but it was kind of standing in the way. I just slid on by it with a muttered apology and slipped inside before I could start whispering requests for entrance. Never making that mistake again. No matter how much I want to let them in my house got all sorts of messed up last time and I got a heck of a scolding at work when they found out. I don't shoo them away, but I don't let them in anymore. It was really weird, they normally only come knocking or waiting by the sides of the road at night, I had never seen one in the middle of the afternoon. Once I got settled in I pulled out a book, a crossword book I was gifted at the last community bonfire. I blow through these things really fast but I really like them, so Christine gave me like five of them, all different, claimed that she found the most difficult ones that she could find, which is really sweet. She even wrote little notes on the inside cover of each of them so I've ended up actually keeping them when i'm done so I can reread her notes when I need a little pick-me-up. Whether a crossword book or a little box of treats she always writes uplifting notes and anecdotes inside any gifts she gives anyone, all signed with the most beautiful cursive- “with love, Christine Torres”. She really mothers everyone in town, at least that's what I've noticed. This one is a real toughy, which I like. That's mostly what I've been up to since I got home. I decided that I'd take a break from doing, well, this. Dr. Daman was adamant about me giving it a shot so here we are. Me, myself and I. Oh sorry, hold on, work email. (Whispered: who am i even apologizing to?) Well now, wait a minute. A new lab partner? Dr. Gia Castillo. Why the hell did they give me a new lab partner? I guess I'm meeting her in the morning. I hate it when Todd pulls this, but I’ve got no say in the matter. The usual. But I hate sudden change.

I'm tired, I'm reheating some food Mrs. Weddington gave me and going to bed. I can hear the thunder starting to get louder and that kid outside tapping on my door so I guess I should try and get some sleep. Guess I'll talk to you later? This is actually kind of nice, saying whatever I want without worries. (little laugh) I'm already dreading tomorrow. Well this is Dr. Jared Hel, signing off, I guess.

[tapping sounds, and sounds of thunder, as we fade into the outro]

OUTRO

Jar of Rebuke is written and produced by Casper Oliver, who is also the voice of Dr Jared Hel. The intro is read by Vanessa Rosengrant, and credits are read by Ashley Craft, who has also created the podcast official graphics. Music was created by Luke Menniss, spelled m-e-n-n-i-s-s, who you can find and support on Bandcamp, Spotify and Twitch. Find us on Twitter, Instagram and anywhere else you get your podcast fix for more Jar of Rebuke and also to get updates on upcoming official merch for our show. Support projects by this crew on Patreon to further other queer-lead projects and get neat perks. All donations are appreciated and will grant further clearance to special Jar of Rebuke content. You can also make one-time donations on Ko-fi.

[clevercatchphrase]

2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

 Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

 Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

 Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don���t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

 Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

 Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

 The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

 To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

 Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

 Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

 Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

 And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

 Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

 ON TO 2021!

 I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

 Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

 Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

 1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

 2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

 3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

 4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

 5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

 6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

 7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

 8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

 9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

 11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

 Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

 Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

 For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

 I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

 Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

 I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

 I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

 Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

 I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

 I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

 I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

 Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

 Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

 Good night.

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Years Ago - Jaskier x Reader

Summary: Jaskier is your childhood best friend and first love. When he leaves, you stay behind heartbroken. Years later, he comes back to you and you have to ask yourself if you still love him the way you used to.

Request by: a lovely anon. “Can you please write an angst/romantic Jaskier x Fem!Reader fic, where the reader grew up with Julian/Jaskier, as childhood friends. Their paths divide when you both come of age, your fates seemingly never to meet again, until they meet again years later, and it turns out their feelings for each other remain the same, as they did all those years ago.“

A/N: This turned out a lot more angsty than I wanted it to be :D I hope you like it anyways! <3 Thank you for the request!

Pairing: Jaskier x fem!Reader Words: 1766 Warnings: angst, hinting towards sex

It is fully dark in the small chamber. The curtains are drawn shut and the candles stopped burning hours ago. The silence is only sometimes disturbed by soft breathing and occasional snores coming from the bed.

You sit on the other side of the room at a wooden table, only wearing a light robe. Thoughts and worries keep you awake and you are too restless to lie down. At least this is what you tell yourself. Perhaps it just suffocates you being so close to him, feeling his warmth, smelling his familiar scent. The faint memory of how it was to be around him and not feel this way lingers somewhere in your mind, you know it.

You’re unable to see him and you are grateful for it. It hurts too much. Shifting uncomfortably on your seat, you grab the end of your robe, fiddling with it.

When Julian – or rather Jaskier, the name he goes by now – walked into the tavern this evening, you dropped the glass of wine in your hand. It shattered into a thousand pieces, the red liquid spilling everywhere. The sound made him turn around and you heard your boss cursing at you. Frozen in your spot, you stared at him. He recognized you at once, a big smile appearing on his face. A smile that was so well-known to you, it physically pained you.

You grew up with Jaskier. He was your childhood best friend and for years it had been him and you against the world. As you became older, your feelings turned into something else. Something deeper. The boy with the bad jokes and beautiful voice turned into your first love – and then he left.

“Y/N?”

You flinch when you hear his voice, whispering your name.

“What’s wrong?” Jaskier asks when you don’t answer him. “Why are you not in bed?”

“I can’t sleep,” you reply truthfully.

“Nightmares?” He wonders.

You shake your head before remembering that it’s too dark for him to see. “No, just … thoughts.”

“What kind of thoughts?”

“Thoughts about us.”

You hear a blanket being pushed away and then Jaskier gets out of bed. The wooden floor creaks when his feet touch the ground. “It’s too damn dark in here,” he mumbles and opens the curtains. Moonlight illuminates the room. You lift your head and your eyes meet his. He looks worried, a troubled expression on his beautiful face. Deep down, he knows what you mean by your words. 

So Jaskier kneels down in front of you, taking your head into his and squeezing it softly. “I had to go. You know that,” his voice is soft with affection.

You give a half shrug. “Do I?”

He lets out a sigh. “Y/N.”

You wonder if he understands what this is truly about. He can’t possibly think you’re upset simply because he left when the truth was so much more complicated. Waiting for him to say something, you get disappointed and slightly frustrated. “You left without so much of a word.” It’s a simple statement but it floats heavily throughout the dark room.

Jaskier lowers his head. “I’m sorry.” The words sound honest to you yet they make you want to punch him.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” you retort.

“It seemed to have one hour ago,” Jaskier attempts to lighten the mood and smiles.

Not knowing what to say, you pull back your hand.

He clears his throat, realizing that the joke was misplaced. “That was insensitive, I apologize.”

“You’re still an idiot.”

Jaskier sighs again. “I know,” he pauses shortly before adding: “Y/N, don’t believe for a second that leaving you wasn’t the hardest thing I ever had to in my whole entire life. It hurt me so much and I thought not saying goodbye would make everything easier.”

None of this makes any sense. It hurt him? Well, how does he think you felt and in what alternate reality does leaving people behind like that make anything better?! 

“It didn’t.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “I figured that out pretty quickly which left me with terribly terribly ashamed. Y/N,” he tries to reach for your hands again but you clench your fists around the hem of your robe. “No words can ever describe how sorry I am.”

For a while, you just stare at him. “I still love you, y’know,” you finally say with simple directness.

There it is again. The smirk that had always managed to wrap you right around his finger. Jaskier places a hand on your knee and it takes every ounce of strength inside of you not to flinch.

„No, you don’t understand,” you continue. “It’s an awful thing. I should have gotten married long ago. I could have had kids by now, a loving husband, a life.” 

A flicker of sadness appears is seen in his eyes for a split second. Your words feel like a punch in the gut to him (and they were meant to do just that). “Then why didn’t you?” He asks somewhat brittle.

“Because I love you!” It blurts out of you. “I love you! In fact, I never stopped loving you. A small part of me always hoped that you’d come back one day.”

“That small part was right, apparently.” The sadness in his eyes is now replaced by affection. “Not one day has gone by since I left where I didn’t think about you. I love you too, Y/N.”

For years, you had dreamed about him coming back to and saying those words. In your fantasies, they swept you from your feet and the two of you would go on to have a long and happy life together. Now he is here, saying exactly what you thought you wanted to hear and they cause nothing more than pain. Why can’t you forgive him? You love him, it’s true, so why not try this again?

When he had walked into the tavern, you were overcome by emotions. It confused you. There was happiness, excitement, anger, and resentment – a tangling mess inside your mind. So you did what every self-respecting woman would do: you went to bed with the man who hurt you most. The initial shock passed after he fell asleep next to you and all you were left with were more troubles.

“How long until you leave again?” You are scared of the answer.

“Two days.”

You give a bitter laugh. Of fucking course. Did you really think his answer would be something else?

Jaskier sees how your expression changes and in a sad attempt of trying to make you feel better, he announces: “I’ve actually come back to ask you to accompany me. Come with me.”

The laughter gets stuck in your throat and you look at him with widened eyes.

“Y/N,” he continues, now that he has your attention. “At the risk of sounding like a jerk – I will never be able to stay in just one place. A life here with two kids and a tiny house will never be enough for me.”

Ouch. “You do sound like a jerk.”

He ignores your comment. “Yet being without you hurts. You’re the one that got away. The one that should’ve stayed with me,” his voice grows soft again. “That’s why I want you to come with me. I remember a girl who was eager to leave this town behind and see the world with me.”

That girl died when you left me, the thought rushes through your mind.

“You say you love me,” you pause shortly. “Yet your love is not enough for you to stay. To build a life together with me.”

“I want to build a life with you!” Jaskier exclaims. He becomes more and more frustrated with you and this discussion as well. “Just not here!”

You shake your head. “You ask me to give everything up, my life and –“

“You just said you had no real life!”

“No married life,” you correct him sharply. “I have family here and friends, people who love me.”

“I love you.”

“Not enough it seems.”

“It’s not fair. You’re not fair.”

“No, what’s not fair is that you left years ago without even saying goodbye!” You spit out and stand up so abruptly that your chair tips over backwards. Surprised, Jaskier gets up from his knees as well and takes a few steps back. “No explanation, no nothing. Is this how you treat the person you love?!”

He doesn’t reply.

“It was so painful,” a tear rolls down your face and you wipe it off angrily. “Being left behind like that. Not even a damn letter.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice is barely a whisper.

“You said that,” you croak.

“Y/N …” He takes a step towards you but you back up against the window, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“We changed, Jaskier. It’s been too long.”

You don’t want to say these words. Yet you feel like there is no other way. This relationship has caused you nothing but pain and you can’t go on like this. It will break you and leave you a shattered mess.

“It’s not,” Jaskier says sternly. “We still love each other. The feelings we shared are still there and I know that you didn’t deserve the way I treated you.”

“Continue to treat me.”

He blows out his cheeks and closes his eyes. When he opens them again and starts speaking, every syllable is filled with desperation. “I will do everything it takes so you can forgive me one day. Everything.”

“Good luck trying that in two days.”

“Y/N …”

You look at him and see how much he’s hurting. The regret, the hatred for himself for how he screwed everything up is so clearly written on his face. You take a deep breath. “Go, please.” 

“What?” He swallows hardly.

“I want you to go,” you repeat firmly. It’s the best for both of us, you try to justify it in your mind.

Jaskier doesn’t move at first, begging you silently to take it back. He wants to stay, needs to stay – but you remain quiet. So he bends down to collect his clothes and slowly puts them on again. The silence is almost unbearable. When he is done, he walks to the door and his hand trembles slightly when he reaches for the door handle.

You watch him, tears running down your face. Yet no whimper, no cry leaves your mouth. 

“I meant what I said,” Jaskier turns around one last time. “I love you and I will fight for you.”

“Goodbye, Jaskier.”

The door closes behind him.

***

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[erin-bo-berin]

Faith (Part 2)

If you haven’t read part 1, called Hope, you can read it here

The final part to Hope is here! This is insanely long, the longest I’ve written yet. Not gonna lie I’m really glad I split it into two parts because all together it would’ve been nearly 13k words. Anyway, in this part you’re gonna get some Spencer POV, daddy Spencer (I might have gotten carried away with the cuteness, I apologize in advance) and some smut. Also I might’ve gotten carried away with that part as well, you’ve been warned. Quick fun fact: The Lonesome Bunny was an actual story I wrote in 5th grade that won in a competition. You’ll see that I’m referring to later on in the fic. Enjoy!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Word Count: 8,407

Rated: M (Smut)

So much can happen in a week. 

Emily had gotten Spencer a great lawyer; one who happened to be a friend of hers. She reassured you that he was in good hands. Even that reassurance did nothing for the constant state of anxiety that twisted your stomach.

The next step was going to be his hearing. Rossi was already ready to post his bail and get him out of jail while he waited for his trial. The whole team had a moment to breathe, thinking that this next step would be a break in luck.

None of them saw what was coming. You, most of all.

After the shocking result of Spencer’s bail being denied, everyone had to face the fact that he was going to be sitting in a prison cell while awaiting trial. Emily and the rest of the team promised to work their hardest to get him out of there. You believed them, of course you did. But no one prepared you for how it would affect not only you, but your daughter as well.

“Daddy bye bye?” 

You ran a hand over her hair, trying to smooth the loose curls before kissing her head.

“Daddy will be back soon.”

You weren’t sure if you were saying the words to comfort Abbie or yourself. Her wails and cries still rang in your ears, the haunting sound breaking your heart a little more each time you remembered them. She was too young to understand what was going on, but it was clear she knew something was wrong. You knew she could sense your stress, your despair.

She laid her head on your shoulder, eyes growing heavy. JJ had just gotten back from taking the boys and Abbie to see Diana. You passed on this initial trip, afraid your emotional state might upset her since she hadn’t any idea what had happened. Even though Diana didn’t understand what was going on in her own ways, you were glad the kids were able to lift her spirits.

Abbie whimpered, fighting sleep, rubbing her fists into her eyes.

“Hey, why don’t I take her and give you a little break?” Penelope said, reaching out to take her. 

“Besides I always love some auntie Penelope time,” she grins, rubbing your shoulder, concern showing on her face. “We’re going to get him out of there okay?”

You nod, giving a small smile. She’d given you a visiting schedule she’d made, listing the order of her, you and the team could visit him. You were up second after her because since she’d made the chart, she got to go first—her words. It gave you a small comfort to know you’d be able to see him soon.

•

“What do you mean I’m not on the approved visitor list?!” you exclaimed.

“Spencer made his list of visitors…” Emily trailed off, “And you weren’t on it.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“I don’t know, Y/N,” she said, clearly feeling as helpless as you currently felt.

“So what does he want me to do? Sit at home, take care of Abbie and twiddle my thumbs?!”

You knew this entire situation was crazy. Spencer was going through a lot, the team was going through a lot, but yet your anger came. The only reason it came was to mask the hurt you felt. It was like a punch to the gut when you realized he didn’t even want to see you. With no reason or explanation why. You could get past the personal hurt even if he just wanted you to visit to talk about Abbie. After all, you were only his co-parent. 

“I wish I knew what to tell you, Y/N. I can’t begin to imagine what’s going through his head right now.”

“I know, I know.” You rubbed your temples, the beginnings of a headache starting to pound behind your eyes.

“I just wish I could do something. At least you guys are able to work on his case to help and free him. I can’t even do that.”

You swallow, tears once again blurring your vision. You’d tried so hard not to cry in front of Abbie but now it was beginning to catch up to you.

“You’re doing something very important, Y/N.” Emily wrapped her arms around you and hugged you tight.

“Yeah? What’s that?” you mumbled into her shoulder.

She pulls away from you, holding you at arms length with her hands on your shoulders.

“Taking care of that little girl.” She points in the direction of her office window. You look out into the bullpen and Henry sitting at his mom’s desk with Abbie in his lap, both of them coloring.

“You’re taking the absolute best care of her until we can get Spencer out. I know it puts him at ease to know she isn’t alone.”

“How is he?” you asked, knowing she’d been to see him recently.

“Alright for now, he’s gotten some sleep. He was mainly concerned about Abbie and his mom. He didn’t say it, but I could tell her reaction just about broke him.”

“JJ said she cried herself to sleep,” you sighed, wanting nothing more than to scoop your baby up and hold her, to protect her.

“How’s she doing now?”

“Okay, I suppose. She’s been really fussy and clingy ever since it happened, I’m surprised she’s gone to anyone here so well. At home, she won’t even let me out of her sight. She keeps asking about daddy, too.”

“She’s a tough girl. She gets that after both of you.” 

“I wish I felt as strong as you think I am.”

“MA MA!” You heard an excited shriek, all the way from the office.

“Yeah, she’s definitely Reid’s kid,” Emily commented.

You shake your head, exasperated, walking out of the office to head down to the bullpen.

“What baby?” you called, descending down the steps.

She’d gotten down from Henry’s lap and was toddling in your direction, a piece of paper in one hand, a crayon gripped in her other. 

“Ook!” She held out the paper in your direction and you took it, picking her up in the process.

“It’s beautiful, baby girl,” you smile, looking at the scribbles on the page.

“We’re making pictures for Uncle Spencer,” Henry said, looking up from his own picture.

“I told the kids that they could draw pictures and I’d take them to show him when I go to visit him,” JJ said, “I remember you said that she loves to color and I thought I could take hers as well.”

You smiled, “He’ll like that.”

Looking around at all the lengths his team was going to, to help him made you realize just how much of a family the group was. You could feel their love for him, their determination to work their asses off to free him.

Suddenly, it felt like things might actually turn out okay.

•

38 days.

He’d been keeping track of the days with notches in the wall.

He’d been in prison for 38 days. 

In that time Spencer had been jumped by a group of prisoners wanting to attack him since he was fresh meat. He was moved to a private cell. There he encountered even more problems. He was pressured to help move drugs within the prison which he time and time again refused to do. He befriended another prisoner in hopes of keeping him from being attacked only that effort resulted in him being beaten up instead.

The days were long and stretched out. He could feel his sanity slipping a bit more every day. Prison really was a place of desperation. The unthinkable happened inside these four walls. 

He missed the team so much. He missed his mom. He missed his little girl. He missed Y/N.

The last time Emily had been to visit him she’d told him only what he expected; Y/N was bewildered, hurt and angry at his decision. He hadn’t said much on the topic. He did what he had to do.

Today’s visitor was JJ. He hadn’t seen her for a few weeks. Apparently there was a whole schedule for visiting him. He was so happy to finally see a familiar face again. It had seemed like weeks since he’d seen any of his friends when in reality—by his makeshift calendar—it had only been 6 days.

“Hey, how are you?” JJ asked, concern brightening her eyes.

“Okay, I guess. Just trying to survive here,” Spencer said.

Her brows furrowed and he knew what was coming next.

“You’re hurt. What happened?”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine. Why aren’t you working on a case?”

“Actually I stayed behind so I could visit you,” she answered. 

“You shouldn’t have. You should’ve gone.”

“No. I should be here. You’re not alone in this Spence.”

He nodded, watching her through the glass that separated the two of them as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a few papers.

“Henry drew this for you. See that’s you and that’s him. It’s from that day we went to the park.”

“Tell him it’s beautiful,” he could hear his own voice cracking, “Tell him I love it.”

JJ smiled, folding it again.

“I will.”

She opened another picture, showing scribbles, a heart and what appeared to be stick figures.

“Michael drew this one. He said he thought you needed lots of love while you were away on vacation and that he misses you.”

That brought a slight smile to his face. His youngest godson had quite the imagination and at only 3 had thought up that Spencer was away on vacation. His heart ached with how much he missed them. He watched JJ once again reach for another piece of paper.

“Another drawing?” He laughed dryly.

“I thought you might like to see this one too,” she said softly, “Abbie did this one for you.”

There was nothing but colorful scribbles on the page, the complete normal for an 18-month-old. But this was different because it was made by HIS 18-month-old. His little girl.

Of course he believed in his team that they’d get him out of here and catch Mr. Scratch—the asshole that put him here—but it was truly his baby girl that helped him go on. Abbie gave him faith. He had to have faith that he would get out of here and not give up. If he gave up, she might grow up without a father and he knew from firsthand experience that was the last thing he wanted for his child. 

“She’s very artistic.” He tried to laugh, but it came out more of a dry, raspy sound.

“That she is,” JJ smiled.

“How is she?” Spencer whispered.

“Abbie? Or Y/N.”

“You know I mean Abbie.”

“Spence...why don’t you just reconsider your decision. Please?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? She’s worried about you. She wants to see you too.”

“Jennifer. I don’t want to talk about this.”

“But Spen-”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it okay?” he snapped.

Her words died mid-sentence and she went quiet.

“I’m sorry JJ,” he ran his hands through his hair, then rubbed his eyes, “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“Have you been sleeping?” JJ’s concerned tone reappeared again. 

“Not much.”

“I’m worried about you. We all are. I know this hasn’t been easy on you at all.”

“I can’t even explain it fully, JJ. There’s a sort of helplessness in here that causes people to do things they normally wouldn’t do.”

She seemed to be a loss of words. He didn’t say it to scare her or cause her worry, it was just the truth.

The alarm sounded, signaling that visitation time was up.

“Spencer.”

He looked back at her as he stood to leave.

“Please be careful okay? Keep your head down, don’t attract any unwanted attention.”

He nodded in response. 

The hand of a security guard grabbed his arm, escorting him back to his cell. Every step took him back towards his own personal hell and away from the life he once so naively took advantage of.

•

Things didn't turn out okay. Bad news suddenly became the soup du jour.

Every time Emily or JJ, Rossi or Garcia gave you an update your outlook just became bleaker and bleaker. It was affecting everything in your life. 

You’d cut the number of the interior jobs you normally did in half, not having the motivation nor the time to complete them. Soon you ended up taking a leave of absence. Fortunately, with the past financial aid of Spencer, you could afford to leave work. Your mood was affecting Abbie more and more, her often crying and wanting her daddy. Most days you felt like crying along with her.

You hated being in the dark. Technically you did get updates about what was happening, but you hadn’t seen him in 3 months. That night at the BAU when he was brought home had been the last time you’d been in his presence. Your anger at him for refusing to see you had faded leaving you feeling drained. You could only imagine how the team felt when they were the one trying their hardest to find Mr. Scratch.

In the last month, Spencer had witnessed his friend die, potentially poisoned and killed some drug dealers—you didn’t ask for specifics on that one—been beaten up pretty badly and stabbed himself to get into protective custody. You had no idea how the hell he’d survived all of this, but he had.

Many of your days were spent at the BAU now. When the group wasn’t off working on other cases they were required to give their attention to, you were at Quantico. How different it was spending so much time in the unit in comparison to 3 years ago. Then, you couldn’t stay long enough. Now, all you wanted was to be anywhere else.

You were seated on the couch in Emily’s office, attempting to keep Abbie preoccupied with a few toys. That was about all you could do now was to keep her attention elsewhere before she became irreconcilable once again. 

You were making her favorite bunny plushie kiss her repeatedly causing her to giggle when the door busted open and in ran Penelope.

“Y/N, Y/N! We got him!”

You were so startled by the sudden entrance that you didn’t understand what she was talking about.

“Who?”

“Mr. Scratch. He’s been caught and he confessed to everything. Framing Reid and all of it. Me and JJ are heading to the prison to get him. You’re coming with. Not a question, an order.”

You nod, dazed at the amount of information slung at you and picked up Abbie and her bunny, following behind the tech as fast as you could.

Twenty minutes later, you were waiting outside the prison with Garcia while JJ went to take care of all the legal proceedings that came with freeing Spencer.

You were just picking up Abbie’s bunny that she had purposely dropped on the ground when Garcia spoke.

“Hey, Abbie.”

She turned towards Garcia’s voice.

“Look over there sweet girl. Look who it is,” she pointed ahead.

Abbie looked over just in time to see JJ and Spencer coming out of the front doors. The moment she saw him, she was in action, trying to squirm out of your arms. 

You set her down and she went running as fast as her little legs could in his direction, her bunny still in her hand.

“DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!” She shrieked as she ran.

He scooped her up in one swift movement, hugging her close.

“I’ve missed my Abbie-bear.” 

He tapped her nose making her scrunch it in response. 

“How’s my baby girl?” he asked, pushing her hair back from her forehead and kissing her head.

She babbled in response, holding out her bunny to him, clearly happy to be in his arms again. He kissed the bunny’s nose, then Abbie’s. He did it again only this time playfully attacked her with kisses, making her squeal and giggle.

“Hey, you.” Penelope had gone over to hug him tight while you and JJ stood back.

“You know I always knew he would be a great father, but seeing it in action is even more heartwarming. He’s so great with her,” she said.

“He is,” you agreed.

“He cares about her a lot you know. But not only her.” 

JJ gave you a sidelong glance before going to join them, leaving you to puzzle out what her cryptic comment could mean.

•

The aftermath was hectic when you returned to the Bureau. With everyone hugging Spencer and talking to him about the details of Scratch’s capture, you naturally just fell towards the back of the flurry of activity. You noticed the entire time he didn’t let go of Abbie even though she was now sound asleep on his shoulder, her bunny positioned underneath one of her arms and his chest.

You thought you’d heard Rossi say he was going to get some champagne when Spencer finally approached you. Things had never been awkward for the two of you, but they sure felt it now.

“Hey.” 

He leaned against the desktop next to where you sat.

“Hey.”

“She’s out cold,” he motioned to Abbie with his head.

“I noticed. She missed her nap today and has been fighting sleep.”

“Poor thing.” He rubbed her back and she stirred slightly, repositioning herself before going back to sleep.

“So, I was actually wondering,” he began, “Would it be okay if I spent some time with her? I’ve just missed her so much. I feel like she’s gotten so big since I last saw her.”

“Sure. That’s fine. I can get you her diaper bag and some things if you want to keep her for the weekend.”

“Actually I meant like the three of us together. If you want to come to my place or...I just mean I feel like we have some things we need to talk about.”

“Well most of her things are at my place,” you said, purposely ignoring the last part of his comment, “So I guess that would be easier and you can spend as much time as you want with her. You know you’re always welcome to.”

“I’m not sure when or if I’ll be able to come back,” he said quietly, “A lot has happened.”

“Yeah. A lot has.”

You could feel the weight of the last months weighing heavily not just on him, but on you two. Things had worked so smoothly between you both up until this point that you couldn’t help but wonder if this would be too much strain. Some things you just can’t come back from.

Emily noticed the last time she’d visited, just how much prison had changed him. He was suffering from bad PTSS—post-traumatic stress syndrome. He was having nightmares, not sleeping, constantly battling the demons of what he’d had to face in those short months. Emily never said as much, but you knew how close he’d come to death by the hands of the inmates.

Everyone was mentally and emotionally exhausted. They’d all been granted six weeks off work to rest, Spencer especially. He’d have to see a therapist as well and retest before he could even be considered for reinstatement.

“Emily thought it would be best if I wasn’t alone for now.”

“That’d be wise,” you agreed.

 “She suggested I stay with you…” he trailed off nervously.

You were caught off guard and found yourself staring at him, most likely resembling a deer in headlights.

“I mean she just thought being around Abbie would help me a lot and you...”

You had no idea what he was going to say and unfortunately, he didn’t finish his sentence. You couldn’t possibly turn him away at a time like this, even if you desperately didn’t want to have to deal with your complicated feelings about him.

“Uh yeah. That’s fine. She’ll love having you around more.”

The two of you had never shared a living space for more than one night. There was no telling what the next six weeks would bring.

•

The first month was rough. Not only for him but for you as well.

Spencer would often wake in the middle of the night screaming from nightmares, resulting in waking Abbie. He felt so bad about it he’d often force you to go back to bed and sit up with Abbie until she fell asleep again.

One night, you’d been on the way back from the bathroom when you heard the soft rise and fall of his voice. Peeking into the nursery, you saw Spencer in the rocking chair with Abbie in his lap, a book opened in front of them.

When he turned the page, you caught a glimpse of the cover: The Lonesome Bunny, one of Abbie’s favorite books.

“The little bunny was so sad before,” Spencer frowned, pointing to a picture on the page.

Abbie cooed in response, looking up at him as he read.

“But now he was happy, knowing he was loved by all his friends. The end.”

Spencer closed the book and Abbie immediately reached forward and opened it again.

“No.”

“You want me to read it again?” Spencer asked, chuckling when she nodded.

“Princess, I’ve read it to you twice already.”

“No.” Her hands tried to turn the pages back to the beginning.

“Oh, alright. Once more and then it’s time to go back to sleep okay?” He kissed her cheek then turned back to the first page.

“There once was a little bunny, a lonesome little bunny.”

You smiled at the memory, staring up at the ceiling of your bedroom as you lay in bed, procrastinating getting up to start your day. It was a luxury you weren’t used to. Having Spencer around had been great because the help with Abbie was nice. He seemed to be getting better too. He still suffered from his demons and the nightmares still happened but not nightly like they once did.

It now had been 5 months since he was released. Things were seeming to finally get better. Spencer was reinstated—with a rule that every 100 days he worked in the field, he had to take 30 days off. He was initially disappointed at the decision, feeling like it wasn’t a full reinstatement. Emily reassured him it was for him to recharge mentally and physically and most importantly to spend time with his family. Now, he’d taken it in stride and loved the extra daddy-daughter time; Abbie was happy as she could be. The only thing that hadn’t changed in the least bit was the tension in your relationship with Spencer.

You got along alright, you just never talked about what had happened. Prison or his downright objection to seeing you was never spoken of. Of cours,e you were there to help him through his trauma, but you avoided any and every conversation having to do with the two of you. If it had to do with Abbie or any other subject, you could talk to him for hours. You just didn’t have the energy to unravel your feelings, nor get his no relationship wanted reply.

Yesterday was the beginning of his first 30 day stint of time off. Spencer being Spencer, he treated you and Abbie to a day at the zoo, anxious to teach her all about the animals. 

“Just wait until she’s old enough to really understand and retain what she’s learning. She’s going to have a vast knowledge of things just because of you,” you’d said, smiling while he helped Abbie feed a giraffe.

He turned towards you, squinting against the sun and smiled big.

“I want only the best for my little girl,” he had responded.

His smile was as bright as the sun, his eyes glinting from the happiness he obviously felt. A light breeze floated through the air, rustling the waves and curls of his hair ever so slightly. Your heart fluttered and it was at that moment you knew you could no longer deny the fact that you were in love with him.

Emily had been telling you the same thing for months, telling you that you had to admit it sooner or later because the moment of truth would hit you eventually. The moment of truth had finally come.

You were in love with the Halloween loving, chopstick hating, kickass profiler, amazing father, 187 IQ’d pretty boy that was Spencer Reid; and you were finally ready to tell him.

•

You glanced at the clock and were surprised to see it was already 9:30. You hadn’t stayed in bed that long since before Abbie had been born.

Noises from the kitchen pulled you out of your bed. You padded down the hallway, smiling when you heard Abbie’s babbling.

“What’s going on?” you asked.

You walk into the kitchen and see Spencer at the stove, Abbie’s high chair pulled up to the cabinet near him.

“Wel,l Abbie-bear here wanted to help daddy fix breakfast. Isn’t that right sweetheart?” 

You look over and see your child sitting in her high chair with chocolate smeared all over her face and hands, grinning big.

“Technically she was supposed to be adding the chocolate chips to the pancake batter, but she decided to eat the handful instead,” he chuckled.

“It’s the thought that counts right?” you laughed, grabbing a baby wipe from the pack on the counter.

You clean her face and hands as best as you can with her trying to squirm away from the wet cloth. 

“You’re silly aren’t you?” you smile, handing her a fresh cup of juice.

“No,” she giggled in response.

“You didn’t have to make breakfast Spencer.”

He shrugged.

“I wanted to. I figure since I kinda live here at the moment I can at least help you out.” 

He added another finished pancake to the growing plate of pancakes then poured the last remaining pancake batter to make a tiny one.

“This one is especially for you Abbie because it’s just your size, see?” 

He stepped aside, letting her see the small pancake on the griddle. She smiled around the spout of her sippy cup as she drank her apple juice.

“Thank you for making breakfast.” 

You stood on your tiptoes and quickly kissed his cheek, a simple act of gratitude. At least you hoped that’s what it conveyed. You’d turned to grab a mug for some coffee and when you faced him again you saw he was staring at you.

“What?” you asked, suddenly self-conscious that you were in ratty old pajamas and your hair probably standing up in numerous directions.

The spell seemed to be broken when you spoke. He scrunched his nose in the cute little way he always did, turning back to the stove.

“Nothing, nothing.”

Ten minutes later the three of you were at the table pigging out on pancakes. You tore Abbie’s pancake into smaller pieces and she was currently grabbing them with both hands, managing to get more on her than actually in her.

“Did you always want kids?” Spencer asked, watching you hand her a small piece of your bacon.

“That’s a random question,” you chuckled, picking up your fork again.

He shrugged a shoulder.

“Just curious.”

“Yeah, I always knew I wanted kids one day,” you answered.

“But not at 24, right?”

You winced, thinking of how in shock you were when you found out you were pregnant. You were 23 almost 24 when you’d initially met Spencer. He’d been 34 even though he easily passed for your age. You really understood what it meant that age didn’t matter. He was nearly 11 years older than you, but a majority of the time you didn’t even remember. 

“I mean I don’t blame you. When I was 24, I was only in my second year of working at the BAU. Kids were absolutely the last thing on my mind,” he said.

“It’s not that. I was just scared knowing that from that point on I was responsible for this tiny, fragile little human that would depend on me for the rest of my life. It was even scarier to think just how much she needed me, even during pregnancy. But I wouldn’t change having her for anything. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“She definitely is amazing, isn’t she?”

Abbie reached out towards him, a piece of pancake in her fingers.

“Daddy.”

He leaned towards her and took the bite in his mouth in which she smiled happily.

“Thank you baby girl.”

She started fussing, reaching for him, wanting out of her high chair.

“What about you? Did you never want kids or something?”

He lifted the tray off and unfastened her from the chair, taking her in his lap.

“I didn’t say that,” he said matter of factly, but not in a mean tone, “I just said at 24 I wasn’t thinking about kids.”

“Okay, so what changed your mind then?” You took another bite of pancake and chewed, waiting for his answer.

“I don’t know. It was different things. Encountering kids at work, being the godfather to Michael and Henry. I always loved kids. I just didn’t think it was going to happen for me because work kept me so busy. Then one day I realized I’m 36 and I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids. Then this little munchkin came about unexpectedly,” he said, tickling her tummy.

“I never knew if it would be a reality for me, but I’ve imagined having a big family before. Big house, lots of kids and toys everywhere, it just seemed nice and completely different from my childhood. I mean it was just me and my parents. Then my dad left and it was my mom and me. I just figured maybe having a big family of my own would fill that loneliness I felt as a kid, you know?”

“That’s sweet,” you smiled, “I understand what you’re saying. Who knows though? Maybe you still will. How many kids are there in your imagined future?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe 5 or 6.”

You almost choked on your coffee.

“You poor future wife,” you sputtered.

“I don’t know, I have a feeling she’ll be the type to be cut out for half a dozen kids.”

There’s a small smile on his lips as he feeds another piece to an open-mouthed Abbie. He doesn’t look up to catch your questioning look though.

“These pancakes are amazing by the way.” 

You’d just finished up your third and Abbie was still shoveling hers in.

“I think she agrees.”

“Well thank you,” he grinned.

Spencer hands Abbie to you and you take her, cleaning her face.

“What’s on today’s agenda?” you ask, pulling her hands away from the coffee mug she was trying to grab.

“Actually, JJ is taking Abbie today.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, the boys have missed her and have been begging to see her again. I also think it’s time to finally talk about what we’ve been tiptoeing around for months, Y/N.”

You felt yourself stiffen. Sure, you may have just decided the day before that you wanted to finally confess your feelings to him, but you didn’t want to have to deal with all the other things. Unfortunately for you, it went hand in hand and you knew he was right.

“Y/N, please. I know you’re still upset about things that happened when I was in prison. But you do know we need to talk about them eventually.”

“I know,” you whispered; the buried feelings from those horrible months coming to the surface again.

“Let’s go get her dressed. JJ should be here by 10.” 

Spencer took her from you, setting her down on her feet.

“How about a race, pumpkin? I’ll race you to your room.”

Abbie shrieked, taking off on her little legs, Spencer behind her, pretending to be way behind.

“She’s off to a wonderful start, look at that form as she runs!” Spencer’s voice came from the hall as if he were narrating an actual race, “Oh no, she’s beating me! She’s rounding the corner! She’s at the last stretch of the mile! IT’S OFFICIAL! Abrielle Jade Reid is the winner!”

You hear squealing and her giggles ascend in what you assume is caused by Spencer picking her up.

You stare at the place where he was sitting minutes before, remembering something Emily had told you days earlier.

“Abbie may be almost 2, but she has faith in you and Spencer every single day. She may not know what it is, but as her parents, she quite literally trusts you with her life. So why can’t you have that kind of faith in Spencer?”

•

An hour later it’s just you and Spencer left in the house. You weren’t proud to say that you had hidden out in your bedroom while he was assisting JJ with Abbie’s car seat outside, your attempt at prolonging the start of the conversation.

You heard the front door close and his footsteps getting closer to your room. You sat your phone aside when he walked in and sat up against the pillows.

“I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna listen. Okay?”

It wasn’t often that you heard Spencer sound so stern, the steely tone of his voice unfamiliar. But you currently felt like a student in the principal’s office about to face punishment. He didn’t wait for you to answer before he continued.

“I’m going to tell you about what happened to me in prison.” His voice was gentler now, but you saw by his face that he was serious.

“Spencer-”

His hard look silenced you.

“I want to do this. I can’t tell you why I chose not to see you until I tell you this.”

So he told you.

And you listened.

He told you about the fear he constantly lived with of being discovered as a fed, while in prison. He told you how he tried to help another inmate that was being targeted which only ended up in himself being beaten up and later, the same friend being murdered in front of him. How an inmate he mistook as a friend was actually the most dangerous prisoner there; he controlled everything and everyone and tried his hardest to control Spencer too. How his mind seemed to adapt to the line of thinking of the others. It was either do what you have to do or get killed. He explained that he did something terrible, something that he would’ve never imagined he’d ever do but was forced to do it to spare his own life. He confessed how much it scared him, that prison had turned him into a monster. He told you how painful it was reliving the events as he worked to heal in therapy. He indeed told you everything.

It hurt like hell hearing every detail, each of his words etched with pain and bad memories. He didn’t continue for a few quiet minutes after he finished recounting everything. His eyes were closed, as if trying to erase the pain of the old wounds freshly opened. You reached out towards him, putting your hand on top of his. When he opened his eyes, he looked down at your hand over his.

Without a word, he turned his hand in yours until your fingers laced through his perfectly.

“The team is used to seeing things like this. Even though it was me in there, one of their own, they knew to expect the worst. They see bad things every day. But I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t let you see me like that. It would have completely broken you.”

He paused, swallowing hard before continuing.

“My job is to see horrible things and look how prison impacted me. How do you think I’d feel knowing I was responsible for putting you through so much pain? It was never about not wanting to see you. It was about protecting you, about keeping you oblivious to the true horrors of what it’s like in there. I was so afraid you wouldn’t be able to handle it. All I wanted to do was protect you and Abbie.”

You didn’t know exactly when you’d began crying, but now you felt the tears streaming quickly down your face. Months of pent up emotions came pouring out of you all at once.

“All I wanted to do was to see you! I wasn’t able to do anything to help you and then I’m told I couldn’t even see you? I had never felt so helpless.”

“Please don’t cry.”

He moved to where he could sit closer to you, concern etching his features. Pulling his hand out of yours, he put a hand on your face, wiping your tears.

“It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. Please believe me.”

“I know. I believe you.”

Your faces were mere inches apart by now and his eyes searched your face, repeatedly glancing down at your lips. All it would take was a hair of movement and your lips would be connected. You felt the tempting pull, wanting to kiss him badly, yet you stayed still, the moment seeming to stretch on.

“We can’t,” you whispered.

He was so close, you felt the breath of his words against your lips.

“Why not?”

He made the final move and kissed you. You didn’t fight it anymore. It was like having a drink of water after suffering from an agonizing thirst. His lips felt familiar, they were familiar but it’d been an awfully long time since you felt them against yours.

Your lips moved with his, parting every few kisses before reconnecting them to his. It was slow, sensual and full of love. All of your love for him was poured into the kiss, but you knew that was just your take on it. For you, this right now felt like coming home.

He inched you backwards until you were pressed up against your pillows once again with him hovering over you, his mouth not leaving yours once.

“I swear I didn’t intend to start something like this,” he murmured against your lips, between kisses.

“Not,” you paused as he kissed you again, “Complaining.”

Your hands moved over his chest and up his shoulders until your arms were wrapped around his neck. He was intoxicating and you were taking in as much of him as you could before this ended once again.

He pushed your pillows off the bed towards the floor, laying you flat against the bed. Though every time you’d been together hadn’t been fast and rough, you’d never taken it this slow with him before. The slow, intense kiss came to a standstill when he gently raked his teeth over your bottom lip before pulling away from you.

With his hands on your hips, he pushed them upwards, taking the bottom of your shirt up as well.

“Wait,” you grabbed his wrist, looking up at him.

“A-Are you sure you want to?” you asked hesitantly, not entirely confident his head was in the right place for something like this.

“I’m fine, Y/N. I’m positive.”

You raised your arms as he pulled the shirt over your head.

“Besides,” he paused to unbutton his shirt, “I want to take my time with you.”

You bit your lip, his words sending a warm flush all throughout your body. You helped him remove his shirt and pants at the same time because suddenly all you wanted was to feel his body against yours. After a lackadaisical kiss he began his descent downwards. 

His lips moved down your chest with soft kisses, a trail of them placed just above the cups of your bra. He reached behind you to unfasten it, slowly pulling each strap down your shoulder, his mouth following closely behind his hands.

He kissed each shoulder, your collar bones and breasts, his tongue softly flicking over both nipples in turn. You gasped, feeling goosebumps prickle your arms. His sloth like pace was both thrilling and agonizing at the same time. 

More followed down your belly, his fingers gently brushing the few stubborn stretch marks pregnancy had left behind. He paused briefly at your hip, sucking on it then running his tongue over the small bruise he’d created there.

“Mmm,” you hummed as he pushed your legs apart gently, clearly anticipating his next move.

Surprising you, he didn’t do what you thought he would. His lips brushed the top of your underwear, half on your skin, half on the fabric.

“Spence,” you moaned softly wanting more than what he was giving.

“I love it when you call me that,” he said, voice thick with desire. 

He licked his lips, looking up at you, eyes locked on yours as he pulled the silky item off you, hands trailing down your thighs, then back up. His gaze lingered on yours a beat longer, the intensity of it taking your breath away. You were the absolute center of his attention and he was relishing every bit of you. He was known to drive you crazy, but this was on a whole new level. There was something more intimate, more sensual about this that made you feel even more vulnerable in his presence.

His kisses traveled your thighs next, moving dangerously close to the area you were wanting him most. Just when you thought his next movement would be his mouth on your core, he would move in the opposite direction, much to your dismay. 

Back again he went, mouth moving in the right direction and-

“Oh my god,” you moaned, not even able to finish your previous thought.

The sly devil had distracted you just enough so that you weren’t expecting when his finger slid inside you, rubbing against you deliciously. If you thought that was mind-blowing enough, you almost lost your shit when his tongue met your clit before sucking gently.

You weren’t entirely sure if it was because it had been a long, long time since you’d had any sexual escapades or if it was just Spencer in general, but all coherent thought left your mind the longer he worked you.

Your hand grips his hair, your breath coming in rapid pants signaling your oncoming release.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck Spencer!” you half gasped, half moaned as your climax hit you, robbing you of your breath for a few seconds.

When you opened your eyes again, he was hovering over you, a small smirk on his face.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you chuckled.

He hummed, “I’m not done yet sweetheart.”

Sometime during your current shared kiss, his boxers were removed and he pushed into you. He moaned into your mouth, his tongue twirling with yours. 

His tantalizing movements made you able to feel every bit of him as he moved in and out of you repeatedly. Your earlier wish was granted as now your bodies were pressed against one another, moving as one.

“Feels incr-” he groaned mid-sentence.

“Incredible,” he breathed.

You couldn’t argue that. Somehow all the other times didn’t hold a candle to right now. 

Your hands gripped his biceps, giving in and begging him to pick up his pace. His hands hooked behind your thighs pulling you closer at the exact moment as a thrust of his hips causing you both to moan. His forehead fell against yours as your hips rocked to the new rhythm.

“You okay?” he whispered, watching you.

“God, yes,” you half laughed, half moaned.

His hands hadn’t stayed still the entire time, moving from one place to another, his touch gentle as if he were touching fine china. Whether they were stroking your hips, splayed across your stomach or resting on the side of your neck as he kissed you deeply your whole body automatically responded to his touch without you realizing it. 

Fire filled your veins and your body easily arched into his, more than ready to let that fire consume your senses. Your body inadvertently clenched around him and a growl came from deep within his throat, his teeth scraping over his bottom lip.

You’d often seen his face of concentration, the creased brow and the tip of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. That was the same expression he wore now, determined to shatter you for a second time. You couldn’t even begin to process how the hell it was adorable and sexy at the same time. 

The two of your movements become more hurried and erratic, the air hot with pants and moans. His fingers dig into your sides as his orgasm hit him.

“Oh god I love you,” Spencer moans into your neck as he succumbs to his high, your name falling from his lips.

Your breathing is suddenly heavier and not solely because of your own building climax, but because of his words. You don’t have a moment nor a clear head to think about what was just said as you’re a whimpering and writhing mess underneath him, the heavy knot in your stomach coiling tighter and tighter. You feel yourself coming apart at the seams, as if all your nerve endings are ready to burst into oblivion.

Spencer knows you well because within a short time of his own release he sends you falling into an abyss of ecstasy, caressing you and kissing you anywhere and everywhere he can, the entire time. You’re pretty sure it takes you a few minutes to breathe properly again.

Afterwards, he gently nudges your cheek with his nose and you turn to face him, kissing him softly once again. You can’t possibly wrap your head around what had just happened. It wasn’t normal sex like you used to have with him. This was tender, passionate, but hot. Probably the hottest you’d had. Then you remembered what he’d said.

Was it sincere or was it just in the heat of the moment?

•

Both of you lay quietly for a while; so long you’re almost sure that Spencer fell asleep.

“I have to tell you something,” you finally said, halfway hoping he was already asleep.

“Hmm?” he asked, looking over at you. 

“Before I tell you, I just want you to know that I appreciate what you did for me and Abbie even though I didn’t show it at the time. I’m grateful that you told me all you did earlier and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I don’t know what I’d have done if-”

“Y/N, you’re rambling,” he chuckled, aware he’s guilty of the same thing at times too.

“Right. Well, I wanted to tell you I love you. Actually, I’m in love with you. I had to tell you because I just realized that I can’t deny it anymore and even though you probably don’t feel the same way, you deserve to know.”

He’d been watching you intently the entire time you’d been speaking. He licked his lips before responding.

“I meant it, you know.”

You looked over as he rolled over on his side and rested his head in his hand. You were confused as that wasn’t the immediate reaction you’d expected.

“Meant what?”

“That I love you. I saw your face when I said it.”

“My face?”

“Y/N, I’m not a profiler for nothing. You were freaking out because I said it.”

“Yes, but not for the reason you think.”

“Then why?” he asked.

“I didn’t know if you actually meant it or if it was just you know, the sex making you talk.”

“Well, I did mean it. I’ve been in love with you for a while, you know.”

You laugh incredulously, unable to believe that all this time he’d actually felt the same way as you.

“You have? Since when?”

“I’m not sure when exactly. It just kinda hit me one day that you were the one person I couldn’t get off my mind, the one who knows me better than most. I just didn’t know how or if to say it. It kind of slipped out accidentally earlier.”

“I just assumed it was because of the sex,” you chuckled.

“Oh believe me, the sex will definitely make me say it as well. Repeatedly.”

His lips twisted into a smirk as his hand glides over your stomach, pulling you close for a kiss.

“I love you.” He paused for a kiss.

“I love you,” Another kiss followed.

“I love you.” A third.

He retreated, laying back next to you.

“I can’t thank you for all that you’ve done for me these last few months. I wouldn’t have been able to get better without you by my side.”

You smiled, happy to see some of the old Spencer you knew and loved peeking through once again. Prison may have changed him, but he was still Spencer in all the ways that mattered.

“So what does this mean for us then?” you asked, watching his fingers glide lazily over your skin.

“I mean we’ve sort of been a couple for nearly 2 years now, so now it’s just us finally being smart and admitting it,” he smiled, “But if you want me to be official, I want you to be mine. My only girl. Well, besides Abbie. Can’t forget her.”

“No, definitely can’t forget her.”

“I want to be a family. If that’s okay with you, that is.” He added the last part hesitantly.

You put your hand over his, stopping his motions then twining your fingers with his.

“That’s more than okay with me,” you smiled up at him.

Maybe good things had come from all the bad.

You lay in a comfortable silence after that, simply enjoying each other’s company. It was Spencer who spoke next.

“You know what got me through the long days in prison?” he asked.

You shook your head, “No, what?”

“I thought about Abbie a lot of course. I had faith I would see her again. Also, I had faith in the BAU, I knew the team would do their jobs and work their asses off to get me out of there. But that’s not all.”

“At the end of the day, after all my misfortune, I knew faith would lead me back to my family.”

Tags: @wefracturedmotivation @rt8815 @pastanest