#he exercises a LOT but still eats like crap

[daezedglownut]

Dad’s in hospital. Again. 8C

[decoloraa]

I've been debating on whether I wanna share this or not for a while now, but here it is! Some scribble scrabbles about how Casther’s bodytype changes over the years + some notes on why they change. Why? Because thinking about different body types is fun and it’s normal that bodies change over the years!!

Freshly at Briggs (21+)

Menace to society (24+)

I have the idea that Casther only ate crap food when he was on his own, which is why he grew slower and was much shorter! (1,76m and later 1,89m) Because of that he’s also quite lean (maybe not as much as in the sketch tho) and his build more for speed and flexibility rather than strength. He has some muscle and isn’t weak, but there’s not much body fat.

Dad era I (26+)

As Casther came to Briggs, he started eating properly and thus grew quite a lot more (men can keep growing until 24, this is a thing). With his life at Briggs, he also gets more exercise and thus builds up more and more strength. Btw he always was able to grow body hair, bit he shared for years. Every god damn day!! Every god damn day!! It has to do with chimera stuff and him still being overly anxious about it. Also yes when I write „slut era“ I mean it. Casther is a huge flirt and probably broke some hearts during that time. During those years he starts getting close to Val and they slowly end up in a situationship. Status: It’s complicated.

After the incident (30)

He stopped shaving!! It’s a really a big step for him and he ends up really liking and embracing his body hair. God for him!! He’s very strong at that time, but has a rather low percentage of body fat. There’s no big reason for it except that he’s quite focused on his appearance. Dude is training to get strong but also to impress other dudes (still brraking hearts at that point). Seriously, Casther can be a big show-off. Thea comes into his care and kinda is one reason why he gave up shaving. Being a dad with a full time job is stressful, there’s no time to shave! During that time Casther and Val still have a situationship that got only weirder since they now both care for Thea. They defined have feeling for each other’s, they’re just not aware how deep they go and they both don’t act on them for various reasons.

Recovery (31)

When Casther loses his arm and isn’t on duty anymore, he quickly loses his definition and strength. His mental health never wasn't the best, after all he went through a lot if traumatic events that left deep scars. Up until that point, he always pushed things down and acted as if he was ok. But he always struggled. With his arm gone things change a lot and a lot of his mental struggles come back up. In the end, he falls into a heavy depressive episode. He doesn’t know how to deal with any of his problems and in the end him and Val grow apart immensely. It’s all very messy, but it all has a reason.

1) Casther doesn’t get an automail and magically gets better! -> Him losing his arm was the catalyst of falling into this severe depression, but it’s not the only reason! He gets his automail only after he gets better mentally. Even IF he had gotten the automail earlier, he would’ve been horrible! I need to make this clear because I think it would be very problematic if this would be linked so closely.

Val comes back to Briggs. With Val’s and the other’s help, Casther is able to recover mentally. The journey is long and hard, but he gets to a better place eventually. His goal is to regain some of the strength he once had, so he works out to feel better and to support his mental health. Things with Val are complicated, I'd love to show some snippets so that's all the info you get for now.

Captain (32+)

After putting a lot of effort into his mental health, he's able to recover quite a lot! He still struggles of course, but he's at a much better place and knows how do properly deal with things. Also he finally gets his automail and is able to go back into duty after an absence of two years. Even tho he came a long way, he still struggles from time to time and isn't at 100% for a period of time. But eventually he comes out of all this much more stronger.

Also: This is the time period where Casther and Val ACTUALLY get together. A full on relationship where they talk openly about their feelings, please be proud of them. (Side note: If I draw them cuddling or smooching, look out for Casther's automail. If it's not there, they’re still idiots who have attachment issues. If there is an automail, look away or else you'll disturb the boyfriends!!)

Because this is a sensitive topic and I'd hate someone to misunderstand it, I'd like to make things clear:

Captain (31+)

2)

A quick extra note because I'd really hate if ppl misunderstand it: Casther doesn't get depressed because he lost his arm. Yes, there is a hit of internalized ableism going on, but it's not the cause. It's the whole event that throws him into the demons he always carried with him. Therefore, Casther doesn't get magically better once he gets an automail. If he had gotten the automail right after the accident, he still would've been miserable.

Thanks for reading!

There are many factors why he falls into such a deep hole (and Val leaving for a couple of months sadly is one of them). He works through them bit by bit and THEN gets an automail. But his disability is not the reason for his struggles and "curing" his disability with the automail doesn't solve all of his problems. I've seen things like this with other characters and I'd hate if ppl would think this is the case here as well.

Also: This is no “he lost weight and feels so much better :)” story because I fckng HATE that. Casther loses weight eventually, but only bit by bit and also UNINTENTIONALLY. His focus was to get fit again, so he can fight again. Plus working out just is a thing he enjoys. Does he feel uncomfortable because he gained weight? Yes. But he learns to embrace it.

I never shared art of plus size Casther before because I simply wasn't happy with the way I drew the body fat. But I've practiced a lot and drawing Casther with a dad bod is very therapeutic for me ;w;<3 so maybe I'll share dad bod Casther more from time to time because he's very dear to me

[pandorafallz]

Overseer AU | Cracked refections

“<Ugh…. I hate this.>”

Not the last of her many complaints that Grace had in the last six hours since she had woken up from this…coma. Didn’t feel like a coma and…well she assumed it wasn’t; it took far longer to wake up and she had far better cognition than anticipated. Two of those hours had been a well-earned nap after a small puddle of food that…Grace had very little interest in eating but she had forced herself through it; Greene had been clear to get her strength back she needed energy and thus, food. More strength, less need of a random nurse or helpers.

Grace didn’t want help. She knew she needed it given she couldn’t properly walk past a few steps holding something but…she wanted this bit over and done with. She felt so…old to have a woman or someone help her with everything. From the bathroom, and a wash to even getting in and out of her new wheelchair. She hated it with a severe passion.

She wasn’t stupid to know why her body was so weak.

The mirror ahead of her only seemed to verify how crap she truly was physically and it made her skin crawl a little how…it felt like this morning was the last time she had seen herself so filled out and healthy as opposed to this.

Her facial bones were never more pronounced than now. Her jawline looked sharp, even her cheekbones protruded a little against the pale, white skin. Her hair hung down limply down just at her breasts now than at her neck, her hospital gown was…baggy. She dreaded to see what she looked like underneath given how thinned out her arms and legs were. She has certainly dropped a few sizes.

Dr Greene had said she had been given good physical care in the last two years, somehow Parker was generous to shell out on an actual care plan for her so she was better than expected. Daily joint PT exercises to prevent her joints from locking up or deteriorating with disuse, muscle stimulants in both drug and electrical pads to slow down muscle tone loss, decay and atrophy; similar to the types used for the avatars so the bodies weren’t useless after birth and gel padding to prevent bedsores.

Still, with all that care, she still lost a lot of weight and could barely walk. Her nice layer of body fat was gone so her wheelchair was uncomfortable to sit in, no matter how many cushions they got on…and she was cold now. All the time.

“<I want…to link up with my avatar now.>” Grace grumbled, begrudgingly pulling the blankets around her tighter now. Her throat felt better for sure but talking was still a bitch. Still, some painkillers she had been given helped relieve some of the discomfort.

“<Not yet. You’ll need to start basic exercises first which will be physically taxing. Your body can rest in the link after that.>” Dr Greene spoke, not looking up from the datapad she was reading from. “<You’ll get three hours of link time at a single time until you’re stronger>”

“<Define stronger?>”

“<Able to get yourself out of the link bed without help>”

Grace gave her a look but… well she had asked for that. “<Ugh>” Her expression only worsened as the Physical therapist made her way into her room like the angel of dread with a toolkit of torture.

“<Ten minutes>”

Ten minutes of fucking hell.

-

Grace was proven correct in such a statement. After another snack, she was relieved to be cleared for the link bed and finallywheeled away, feeling like she had been beaten to an inch of her life. Her gown was changed to loose joggers and a shirt long-sleeve.

“Grace!”

Her head turned to see Max Patel look like a happy puppy, though the flex of grey in his hair wasn’t unmissed as he hurried towards them. “Dr Greene…” his words began a blur of sounds.

“<He says he’s happy to see you’re up and looking alive>” Greene translated. “<He also says that your link bed is prepped and the new avatar drivers are in the new longhouse going over some new hobbies that all drivers need before any venturing out into the forests.>”

Max continued to speak.

“<He’s also put together a report for you to read on what’s happened since you’ve been…out of action.>”

“<Okay. I’ll give it a read. Thank fucking god I can still read English>” It wasn’t easy, her eyes hurt after a while and she got a headache but again, that was probably something she had to deal with. Eywa only knew what happened to her brain when she was otherwise a vegetable. “<Link time, now?” She urged.

“<Alright.>”

Grace returned Max’s smile though he led them towards the third link bed and parked her up next to it. With her tired muscles, she pushed herself up, Greene and Max’s hands at her side, making her bite her lip from snapping but Max only helped as far as getting her seated and moved back before Grace wiggled into the spot, the gel around her nice and warm.

“<You put the warmer setting on?>”

“<Yep. You’ll need it>”

Grace snorted once, tugging down the first frame before Greene shut the top one.

-

Grace fumbled as she shoved on her new change of clothes onto her too-small avatar.  The only upside being was that the new set of avatar clothes seemed to have been remade and expanded upon since this morning. Short and a blue crop-top laid out though Grace opted to forgo shoes entirely out of spite. Again, her smaller statue meant she couldn’t fit into standard female avatar shoes and…. she had other things to do than waste her hours of freedom here getting her foot measured then to simply grow out of them in a few months’ time.

Dr Greene was talking to Dr Curfman when she finally emerged from the long house although the latter twiddled a basketball in her hands looking very chipper.

“<Dr Augustine, I’m happy to see you up. How has everything been?>” Curfman spoke.

“<Shit, confusing and I’m behind on everything>” Grace answered unhappily, “<What’s the plan? A full debrief?>”

“<We’re going to the new long house for that.>” Curfman spoke, though happily led the way from the steps,

Although, it wasn’t far as Grace could see. Smaller than the Longhouse devoted to offline avatars but it was far more open with a huge table where there where five avatars were seated. On top of the table, upon closer inspection, was filled with piles of small twine, woven fabrics, half-made straps and so many variants of beads of different shapes and colours. There was also booklets also dotted about.

“<What’s this? A craft fair?>” Grace turned her attention back to Curfman.

“<No.>” The woman smiled softly but gestured to a seat. “<It’s… complicated but a required skill for the avatars to learn before they set out into the jungle.>”

“<Why?>” Grace looked down to see two of the avatars. Dr Daniel Choi talked to Dr Madaki about what sounded like the behavioural studies of Helicoradian and Woodsprites and where the differences between plants and animals were as they put together items made of beads. She didn’t interrupt the two’s discussion.

Greene took a seat at the table, though saved off Curfman from speaking with a far more serious expression. “<After that…happened at the school, the Omatikaya became more…hostile to the RDA and Avatars. Eytukan spoke to me direct that….they would kill any lost avatar or human they came across.>”

Grace looked to the doctor in alarm. “<Kill?>”

“<Yes. So…we figured that…if we made similar clothes and carried them, if lost we can change and do our best to pass as a wandering Na’vi.>” Greene winced as she spoke, “<Not all clans know much about Avatars so… if there’s a chance to pass and survive. We will take it. But… you will need to make them yourself as well; a learnt skill can help retain the image and…to flesh out a backstory.>”

There were a lot of holes in that, and the distinct, brightly coloured sign of cultural appropriation tied in as well. But… logically, it was sound for trying to live low in the unknown territory to survive. Given what…happened to her, the risks were real. She couldn’t fault their desire not to wind up like her. It sucked.

“<Start with the loincloth then your chest coverings.>” Curfman encouraged, looking to be busy with the latter than the former of her suggestions. “<The booklet has some ideas you can draw from but we can’t copy everything>”

Grace hummed, acknowledging her suggestion. “<You have a backstory?>” She slid into a seat, reaching for the purple fabric which…felt nice then reached for the knife to start cutting it.

“<Yes, We’ve come to the collective agreement that we come from a clan called The Tsumongwi Clan. Nomadic in nature. Specialising in exploration than hunting but lost a huge number due to the Sky people's attack that led to the scattering of the clan. If anyone asks about the avatar’s difference, we can claim interbreed with ‘Dreamwalkers’ and Na’vi. It’d give reason for us knowing English and sky people technology.>” Greene spoke.

Grace considered the story for a moment though couldn’t deny that…it had definitely plausibility but…it would only work for those, not of Omatikaya. They knew too much but…she could see that working for other clans. Especially if the clans were already uncertain about avatars.

“<You have a Na’vi name?>,” Grace asked curiously. “<Mine is Kìreysì.>”

“<Yes, Kìmi Te Rìkean Petani'ite.>

“<You talking Na’vi names?>” the head of the new avatar turned, “<Sounds interesting>”

“<Who are you?” Grace frowned at the new guy, trying to recall when they were getting new people…. It still felt years away from what anyone was due.

“<Oh, I’m Norm Spellman.>”

“<Norm, I’ve heard good things about you.>” The name was oddly refreshing in her memory. She had read his file about his accomplishments probably a day ago-no, a day before the shooting. . “<You speak well but you’re…very formal.”

The avatar’s ears flicked a little but his face was still bright, even as he rumbled with his beads, “<There is…a lot to learn, even if I have studied for five years.”

“<Indeed.>”

The man who looked in a worse state with the beads and string spoke next though Grace’s eyes slid to Norm to translate.

“<I can’t understand English. I thought Tom Sully was fluent in Na’vi as well?>”

Sully looked at her sharply, ears flattening back at hearing his name being pulled into the conversation..

“<Er…Sorry, this is Jake Sully. Tom Sully died a week before he was meant to leave.>” Norm spoke, sparing a nervous look to his fellow driver. “<As a twin, Jake’s able to link with Tom’s avatar.>”

Grace’s eyes narrowed to the man in question. Jake. Not Tom. Explained…well everything. His lack of langue to…even craft skills. If this kid got lost then he was certainly going to die.

“<Get him started learning Na’vi and….some basic Pandora understanding. His ignorant will…piss me off.>” She dismissed Sully to get back to the cloth. She could only assume that this all was Quaritch’s idea; roping some random, untrained guy into her group for…whatever nonsense he had cooked up against the Na’vi. She couldn’t give much of a damn right now with…her other fucking priorities.

-

Kim watched as Grace worked her way through with both speed and skill to fashion together a formidable purple loincloth that…looked good. Now she was well done with her chest pieces She had no idea what Grace even had the skill to do so without looking at the sheets they had.

Madaki eventually left after an hour to unlink and Choi looked to be weaving together what looked to be a few neckpieces.

“<You’ll need to get haircuts.>” Grace announced after a moment.

Kim looked up from the bracelet she had been crafting. “<Haircuts?>”

“<The hair is a dead giveaway to the Na’vi that we’re different. Omatikaya will know instantly. You’ll need to remove excess hair from the tswin and rebraid it. Shave the sides or entirely rebraid from your face but it’s important. Avatar have a very distinct look like this.>” She tugged on the back of her hair that was still part of the braid.

“<We can work on that tomorrow when you’re linked up.>” Kim spoke because…she really didn’t want to get into that debate right now and get stuck in when Grace didn’t have the time for that.

“<Also, songcords. Every Na’vi has one.>” Grace’s tone got a little grouchier, as she finished up the last touches to her chest covering and pressed it to her chest to make sure everything was covered correctly.

Kim knew a little about song cords but hadn’t invested in it. It was…such a small thing to think about.

“<Songcords?>,” Norm asked this time. “<They’re…important, aren’t they?”

“<It’s… one of the most personal and important artefacts of a Na’vi person. If it’s missing, then that’ll strike a Na’vi as off.>” Grace started reaching for the smallest of twine and gestured for the beads. “<Na’vi don’t have a written langue so it’s all oral. Songs and stories. Songcords tell elements of a person’s life; the important part or events that the induvial wants to mark. A birth, a death, a celebration… it can be of anything of personal value. Marked by beads. Verses are by the knots down to the next. Mother offers thanks for Eywa in the verses for their children.>”

Grace leant forwards and picked out five first. A grey round bead that looked like Polyphemus. A blue triangular bead with a streak of red. A cyan, off-round bead with flecks of orange. A brown and Amber Square. Then a black one.

Kim eyed the last one with a growing hunch as to what it would mean 

 “<Shouldn’t…it be something we need to think about if it’s…so important?>” Norm asked, surprised as she laid the bead out in order.

“<I did. My arrival, my first avatar, the people, my school, my first death>” Grace pointed to them out with a strong tone of confidence. Kim sighed softly but… she could see the meaning and the poetics based upon the colors alonebehind this. Celebration, life and death. Something that…was meaningful to Grace. 

Kim wondered what she could put. So many beads…so many options.

Grace reached into another put, pulling out two purple amethyst, elongated beads, a smaller black bead and one small, white off-triangle bead with flecks of blue and purple that seemed to be the last to put on. Nine beads.

She must have put thought into this a long time prior to her avatar’s death to be so…decisive.

“<We’ll get people kitted out with their own cords, Dr Augustine.>” Joyce Curfman assured.

“<Good. Make it mean something>” Grace insisted, “<now, someone start filling me in on what’s been going on for the last two years. Any contact between us and the Na’vi and what to expect. I want to start getting out as soon as I’m…able.”

-

Eytukan watched, feeling somewhat helpless as Neytiri tried another round of needle and breath techniques to draw out any negative air from Mo’at’s body to revive her but… nothing was working.

Mo’at lay pale and motionless on her mat while breathing easily; there was no other response. No sound or even his touch would rouse her from this unnatural sleep. He knew Neytiri would need support but even he could see this was more than just a physical ailment. Mo’at herself would know how to treat such a condition if it was spiritual as well.

“<Should we risk taking her back to the tree? Reconnect her with Eywa?>” Eytukan spoke, interrupting the silence.

“<Is that not what caused this?>” Tsu’tey spoke carefully, standing back for Neytiri to be unhindered but keeping too many from getting closer.

The concern the people had over the Tsahìk was not missed; they needed her and some had been injured since last night but most superficial and tended to but some would eventually require Mo’at’s more skilled hands to tend to. But now was no time for all hands to care when they knew little of what had transpired.

The connection between Tsahìk and Eywa was a close one and… one that Neytiri was yet to complete. Eytkan worried Neytiri did not know how to treat this and so…he had to make a decision.

“It is possible but… we do not know enough. A cure could be worth the risk but… I cannot be sure.” Neytiri spoke, her hands coming to turn her mother’s body onto her side. Eytukan dropped down to assist. “I…I need a Tsahìk’s hands to guide me.”

Eytukan’s fingers stroked down his’s make warm cheek, assured only by her soft breath.

“Tsu’tey, take your Ikran with a few warriors and go to the Tipani Clan and ask if they have a remedy for this condition that they can pass on to you.” He did not want to rob another clan of their Tsahìk. “If not, then go straight to the Tawkami Clan. They are our closest clans that may be of willing assistance.”

“<Of course, Olo'eyktan. It will take a few days to cover such distances quickly.>”

Eytkan nodded. The Ikran would do their best but they would need time to recover from the trips for their personal needs. Pa’li were more enduring but would take longer in transit and he did not want Mo’at’s health to hang in the balance and waste in such a time.

With a call for his warriors, Tsu’tey left before Eytukan turned his focus back to Mo’at. Gently shifting Mo’at to her back and upright, as Neytiri lifted a ceramic cup in one hand and gently tilted her head back to a light angle that could not trigger Mo’at to choke on the fluid. He gently wiped her mouth though Neytiri set the ceramic cup down shakily.

“<I’m sorry, Father. I…I wish I knew more.>”

“<You are still a tsakarem. There is much to be learned and this will serve as a lesson. I have faith in Eywa and the other Tsahìk’s that they will know how to cure this condition>” Eytukan spoke. “<We must be prepared to move her if they cannot pass on a cure to Tsu’tey. I will need to go with her so you and Tsu’tey must stay in our absence.”

He may be Olo'eyktan but he had lost one of his daughters; he would not lose his mate to this and certainly not alone if the Great Mother was insistent on claiming her. Whatever this was. He would be there as her mate. Tsu’tey was still learning but he had faith in Tsu’tey that he would be well for taking up his position for a small part of a few days.

------

lol, Grace's Na'vi name still isn't fully decided, even for those who have taken part in the polls i made to narrow the options down.

I removed 'Kiri' as an option and stuck to the K's on a first-name basis. Let me know which of these three you like!

[tellywoodtrash]

hi TT! can I ask you for some advice? I'm a teenager who is really insecure about how i look. i don't really think there's anything wrong with my appearance per se, but everyone around me does. my dad keeps recommending me fairness creams (even though he is dark skinned himself) and my mom keeps telling me to lose weight (even though she is fat too). i have been dealing with some health issues for the past couple years that have led to a LOT of weight gain. i now have stretch marks all over my body and my friends always comment on it and make fun of me for them. it makes me wanna never show even an inch of skin again. what do I do?

Hello love,

First of all, big hugs. 🤗🤗🤗 People (who are supposed to love you regardless of how you look) are being shitty to you and you absolutely do not deserve that crap. I'm here to tell you they're wrong. You are good the way you have been, are right now, and however you will be in the future.

i don't really think there's anything wrong with my appearance per se, but everyone around me does.

I'm glad you have accepted the way you look. You realise that the problem is with the people around you. Good. That's a massive step 1 already sorted. Because so often, we start believing what people tell us, and it becomes the "truth", when it's absolutely not.

Tbh, I'm a rudeass bitch and I'd let off verbal zingers at everyone, including parents. idgaf about politeness when someone's coming for me like that. But perhaps you're a much better person than me, lol. So maybe when your dad tries to push fairness creams on you, you just reply with a curt but polite "No, thank you!" and end the conversation right there. Walk away. With your mom and the weight loss, ask her if she's willing to take on a "get healthy plan" with you, where you both eat better and exercise TOGETHER. If she's unwilling, then ask her why she has expectations of you that she's not willing to subscribe to personally. Again, walk away. Don't let them think they can just say these things to you and you'll sit and listen like a good bachcha. And boy oh boy, your friends. To them, I say be straight up rude. Like, call them out. Say "What makes you think you can talk to me like this about my body? Why are you so obsessed with the way I look? How does this affect your life in any way????" coz literallyyyyyy; friendship doesn't mean a free pass to talk any shit, that too such superficial garbage. Everyone's body has something or the other wrong with it. EVERYONE. (Another thing almost everyone has???? Stretch marks. I've had them since fucking puberty, still do in my 30s. They're as much a natural part of your body as body hair.) That is just the nature of the flesh prison we reside in. This is just a pile of fucking electrified meat that holds our brain and soul, which is what really matter. To have someone who calls themselves a FRIEND talk to you unkindly like this should make them ashamed, and honestly, make you reconsider if you even wanna be friends with that person if this is how they choose to behave.

This is the outside stuff. Now for the inside stuff - the internal work you do. First, make sure you watch and subscribe to media of people who look like you, and make you feel "hey, they look just like me and they're so pretty, so that means *I'm* beautiful they way i am too!" I'm telling you as someone who grew up in the pre-social media age; I had zero representation of ppl with my body shape/size and hair texture. It wrecked my self esteem. I spent hours poring over magazines and looking at airbrushed models thinking "why don't i look like that too????" even though I KNEW they were digitally altered images. It just got into my head SO MUCH. One good thing about social media being in the hands of EVERYONE is the ability to see such a range of people from all over the world, looking amazing in their own ways. Follow a diverse looking set of people and see the beauty in them, and thus yourself. Second, do some minor work to alleviate your health issues if you can. Be regular with your meds if you take any, do some daily movement to the extent you can, eat mostly healthy and stay hydrated well, etc. It won't change the way you LOOK, but it will make you FEEL better about your body, and how you are doing your part in taking care of it like it needs. Third, only if you choose to, feel free to beautify the flesh prison as you see fit. Wear whatever you like. Colour your hair. Get a piercing or tattoo. (Obv. wait till you're a legal adult!!!!!! Also, never get names of people or something that is just a ~~phase or trend you're into at the time. Aesthetics come and go. Body modifications like these are forever. Choose wisely. Very very prudently.) Do things that make you feel like "this is MY BODY, and *I* GET TO CHOOSE what kind of pretty it is". Take agency and make your choices and be proud in them, and fuck literally everyone else's opinion. They're LOOKS. The least interesting thing about you. They don't matter in the larger scheme of things, and they'll keep changing as you go through life. Just do whatever makes you feel good to be in this body at the time!!!!!!!!

I love you lots baby sibling. 👩🏽‍🧒🏾👩🏽‍🧒🏾👩🏽‍🧒🏾💗💗💗💗 I am threatening everyone shitty around you with angry laser eyes as I protectively wrap an arm around you.

[peggy-sue-reads-a-book]

Paper Cranes

TW: homophobia, bullying, church abuse, swearing, assault, ED, SH, compulsive exercising, Republicans, purity culture, evangelical crap, but most of all middle school. If I’ve failed to include anything, just let me know. Fr I wrote it for me and posted it for those who might find my experience affirming. I’m all good if you need to scroll right on past a trauma post.

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The first time I ever watched homophobic bullying was in my pastor’s office. All the teens were waiting around a table for our youth pastor. There was one gay boy, a close friend of mine in a relatively small group. From the first week his family joined our church, an older girl in youth group announced to the rest of us that she couldn’t stand him because “he’s too happy and sings too much.” It was true. The new boy was the most cheerful, outgoing person I’d ever met. And he loves to sing.

The same girl gave a similar PSA behind my back when I was new. “We shouldn’t play with her because she’s weird and wears dress up clothes.” I was six. And it was true, I did wear a princess costume every day. Eventually I traded in my tutus for some looks that better reflected internalized misogyny and everyone figured out I’m funny as all shit and can get along with most anyone. I graduated from the bottom of the food chain.

So I shrugged off her hot take on my new friend. I don’t think she liked that her plans to cancel the new guy flopped. Because as we were waiting around that table she jumped up and grabbed his earlobe between her finger nails. She was super proud of her nails. They were long and scraggly like a cat and she was into filing them in public in case anyone felt too safe.

She dug her nails in on either side and no one said anything. You don’t stand up for a boy to a girl. I can’t remember if he tried to swat her off or just took it. It was only a minute but it was a damn long one. Blood started to bead around her nails. Then the door opened and she sat back down. Sunday school started.

Nothing I believed, no books, no paper, no concept of abomination could override what I’d just seen, the revulsion deep in my gut. It was more than rage. More than disgust. I still have no word for it. I was too young and the feelings that well up are still those of a thirteen year old.

It doesn’t matter what you call it. Anger like that is like walking around dead and suddenly finding your pulse because it’s roaring in your ears like a jackhammer.

I prayed to be like everyone else. To care about the same social issues in the same way. The only way I could make sense of my loneliness was that I was cursed in some way. If God loved me, he would make me content with the same values as my peers. But I had just seen someone harm someone else and not a single one of these fine, upstanding kids I’m supposed to make friends with say a damn thing.

A few years later, there was some kinda touchy-feeling Jesus shindig where everyone got real sugared up at night and had a big sing along with some college kids who were supposedly qualified to talk about the deep shit with us. If I mentioned their university you’d recognize it. Hint: assault cover ups

One guy, nineteen or so, must have gotten particularly inspired in the spirit because he starts preaching off-the-cuff about the sins of anorexia, binging, purging, and cutting. I inched backward. I tried hiding behind a football player; I was about half his width after all.

Peggy, what’s up with the bandaids?

I guess I tripped over a wall.

Hey I have a joke. How many Peggies can you fit in the shower? No one knows because—-

— I keep slipping down the drain. Heard that one.

Eat a fucking sandwich, you skinny cunt

The best part of the speech is it was addressed to us about the bad, vague other kids who barfed and otherwise screwed around. Those poor fuck-ups, insulting God’s creation by choosing to defile their bodies.

I couldn’t wait to get home and go for it, but felt a whole lot more like a compulsion than a choice.

I’ve heard this sermon twice, by the way. The second time, the pastor held up a paper crane and asked us to admire its delicacy and the skill it took to make it before shredding it up. Guess he worked hard on that metaphor.

That was me. A paper crane. Pure white, crafted precisely, folded up small. You could pinch my wings between your fingernails and pull them off. I wouldn’t bleed and you could vacuum me up. That was my power. The control in the fine lines and tight folds.

Anyway here I am squirming on my butt and waiting for my chance to burn off my two bites of pizza and Oreos. I’m pretty sure I’d made everyone laugh by scooting the cookies into my mouth from my forehead with no hands. See, everyone, I eat. Yeah, I was gonna have to get in some crunches tonight.

I wondered if I could chug enough lemon water to get diarrhea without being noticed, when somehow, we were looking at each other. The boy’s eyes were bright blue. Ice blue, like in cheesy books. Gay.

Skinny.

Leviticus. The apostle Paul.

Cutter.

It’s a powerful feeling, that two seconds of eye-contact that lets you know you aren’t crazy. That you aren’t the only one in the room who is angry. It is taking a hand to find it as wounded as yours.

Whatever is divine in this world, whatever is true and special and outside of ourselves, it is in the rage you can’t shake. If a voice is telling you that no one deserves to be treated this way, that you inherently do not deserve this, and you say shut up and shut up and shut up and it won’t

Shut up, shut up,

and your only answer is this is bullshit. You should get up and leave

Shut up

I said you are free to walk out,

I can’t,

well then I say you can. I say Truth never left you and you’re not dead.

disclaimer: I did not write this to shit on Christians (I am a Christian) or any tradition in general but the corruption that exists in specific systems

other disclaimer: the other kids in this story were literally also just kids, even the mean ones. I’m pretty sure all of them have grown into sensible adults I’d hang out with. I did not write this to shit on them either.

[alostlittleriverlotus]

personal rant, fatphobia, neglect, abusive parents, I'm emotional as shit...

I told my mom I hated my bed and couldn't sleep cause of my mattress and the pain it caused and she just brushed it off like "yeah, that's tough."

And now, my sleep schedule is one again ruined, I am going to bed at 4/5 am, and I'm having a horrible pain day. I feel like crying so much.

I get we don't have a lot of money, but I legitimately cannot sleep. I try to cope with so many things I can try to Google, but I just can't do it.

I even opened up about the fatphobia I've experienced from doctors that ignore my pain cause of it (pain I've had since I was 5 and even if it was caused by my weight, they just ignore it and tell me to just exercise/eat better) and my mom just made it up to me to stand up to them. I am unstable, I am not confident. She said she could tell em but she never gets it right and always makes it sound wrong.

I just hate that I'm stuck in pain, living on Advil and ice packs and heating pads to cope, I hate that I'm so miserable here.

It doesn't help that last night my dad was watching his usual conservative shows. He had earbuds in, but they reacted to posts with subtitles and text so I could read it and it was especially about fatphobia and nonbinary folks and "lazy people that don't want to work" and I just sat there wanting to cry cause my parents don't know I'm enby, I just opened up about the fatphobia I experienced so I know he doesn't believe me, and I'm not working despite appearing functional because of my disabilities so I know my dad doesn't believe me.

I also learned that my pain could stem from hypermobility since it's something that can happen and I check off the boxes for hypermobility and all that and I just...am so sad and tired. I'm not feeling good cause I ain't been sleeping and still feel sad after the stuff last night. I know my dad is crap, he literally says "I believe that she believes it" about me when I brought up how they abused me and traumatized me, and he's absolutely awful, but just going from doodling in your notebook and looking up seeing that just made me wanna cry. Feck, man. I was stuck downstairs cause of overstimulation from my parents returning home and shutting down from it and how much effort it takes to go upstairs.

And then MA and I ended up having a little issue and I just feel terrible. Emotionally and physically. And bad emotions cause me physical pain. I really hate being alive right now...existence is genuinely pain...

[sp00kysk3lly]

Date: 25th January 2023

Time: 03:24 AM

Feeling: Exhausted, Depressed, Given Up On, Lost. Angry.

Explanation: I’ve had 2 hospital appointments. One last week (Thursday 19th) and another one on Monday 23rd.

Both appointments were stupid and useless and I wish I had never gone to them.

The first one (Thursday) was my first diabetes appointment since 2021, (which they messed up a few times, I’m suppose to be seen every few months, not once a year!)

Before I even sat down in the doctors office the doctor, mentions my weight gain, knowing full well that I have issues with my looks and especially my weight. Then she just assumes I am eating large portions! Which I am not, I barely eat anymore. Not due to weight issues, more due to my very severe bowel condition that affects me with everything I eat.

Also she said “more activity” meaning get more exercise. Which I have done and I also have the proof off on my Apple Watch which I got for the purpose of tracking my activity. (I am disabled, my bones don’t really work how they’re suppose too so I have been walking a lot lately. (Proof in pictures below, some of them anyway. I’m not going to sit here and take pictures of all of them. I’ve been walking every day since 6 July 2022 when I got this watch)).

As you can see by my evidence, I have been doing a lot of “activity” every single day. So, yeah, clearly something is wrong with my body that they don’t want to admit.

Which is understandable because, they are the reason for my abundance of illnesses. They also know this, but like many doctors, do not like to admit that fact.

Early on when I was diagnosed in 2016 as a 18 nearly 19 year old with Type One Diabetes, I constantly and continuously asked for support. I begged them to help me get control of my sugars. I even wrote them a detailed letter asking for this support, saying that I don’t feel supported with my diabetes care. And they did take that on board, but it only lasted a couple of months and then they were right back onto not supporting me with anything.

They won’t let me and still don’t let me do the DAFNE course (Dose Adjustment For Normal Eating) which is a carb counting course for diabetics to go on to manage their sugars and so on.

Their reasoning for not doing this is “you have to talk in the meetings and you won’t.” Ummm… how do you know I won’t talk? Also, I have spoke to many diabetics who have gone on this course and they have told me, that they don’t have to speak if they don’t want too. If you don’t want to talk then you just explain or you can take someone with you who will speak on your behalf.

So, they are the reason why I have all these illnesses and conditions that I now have to live with for the rest of my life. And they know this. They know that I blame them for EVERYTHING to do with those conditions and illnesses.

But I will post more on that maybe in the future. My point is, she was totally wrong to say anything about my weight, or my exercise which she knows NOTHING about. She knew this would hurt me, she also knew that I would go home and constantly think about it. Because I care a lot about my looks, she knows this. I have lost my teeth, all of them because of their no support. Which makes me even more self-conscious in my day to day life.

I will now go on to the Monday appointment with my Gastro clinic.

I hate this clinic even more than diabetes. You’ll see why in a minute.

First off, my gastro doctor never actually sees me, he always has his lackeys do it for him. I don’t know why this is, the man acts like I’m going to beat him up every chance I get. (Which obviously I wouldn’t, but that’s what they think of me, mainly because I have anger issues. But it’s not my fault that they (The NHS) treat me like crap most of the time!)

So I went and got my weight checked (I hate that part) and my height. Then I waited for the doctor to come get me.

Once in the doctors room he asked me the usual questions. (i.e how many times do you go to the toilet? Do you have any nausea or vomiting? Etc.)

Once that is done then he goes on about the colorectal appointment that I couldn’t go to, because my mum had a virus. I’m not going to make my mum go to an appointment with me (she’s my carer) when she’s ill. Am I?

So he starts acting like it’s our fault and that we wasted his time in making the referral, which apparently took 6 months. (DISCLAIMER! The colorectal clinic is the place where they discuss stoma bags and all sorts of stuff like that, which I had asked about). It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t go, I can’t just assume my mums going to be sick or well on certain days can I? Just like I can’t assume I’ll be well enough on certain days.

He tells me that there’s a tablet that I could try, which honestly, considering all the other enzymes and medications these people have given me have not done anything to help I don’t really have much hope for it. But I agreed that I would try them for a month and see how I get on.

Then he began telling me that “badly controlled diabetes” causes gastrointestinal problems. Which I already knew about (I do a lot of research on my illnesses so I know what to expect later on in life). And apparently there’s another medication I could try (remember this for later down the post). So that’s it, appointment over. He said he’ll make another referral to the colorectal clinic and we leave.

Yesterday morning (24th January) I get a letter which I normally do after my appointments explaining what was said, and so on.

So I read it, and it’s fine. Until I get to the last part of the letter. Which says this. (Photo down below)

So, that’s it! Gastro have given up on me! Without any actual help. They diagnosed me with EPI (Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency) which I still don’t think I have, because everything and I mean EVERYTHING I eat doesn’t stay inside my body and the fact that it even happens when I am eating absolutely NOTHING!! Which if you know what EPI is, then you’d know shouldn’t actually happen.

So, they’ve pretty much left me with nothing. No help, started me on these stupid pathetic tablets that won’t work, and now if they don’t work, I won’t be able to tell them or even explain to them why they’re not working! So yeah, that’s why I feel given up on and lost.

They’ve also made me angry. Because not only do I feel even more self conscious of my looks and weight now, I also have no help from the gastro clinic. And I basically have to deal with this terrible rare illness on my own. Which is going to result in me probably starving myself! Something I shouldn’t obviously be doing but I have absolutely no choice anymore.

When is the NHS going to understand that people with chronic lifelong conditions, need complete 100% help and support.

This makes me feel like it’s personal. Because I have seen them behave completely different with other patients. And then they get to me and it seems like they hate me and don’t want me there at all.

Like my DSN (Diabetes Specialist Nurse, for those that barely go to hospital), she speaks to every single person and when she gets to me acts funny with me.

I feel like just giving up on all my illnesses. The diabetes, by not taking my insulin even if I do have a pump now I’ll just take it off and ignore it. The bowel condition by just starving myself.

Will they care then? Will they care when I’m dead? Will they see that I need support when I’m laying on a hospital bed in hospital because I’m giving up on everything because they gave up on me? Why should I care when they don’t?

I understand that the NHS is “under funded” I get that. But you go into the job to HELP people. That’s what makes good doctors and nurses because they are passionate with their jobs. They actually care about their patients and want the best for them. But mine don’t care about me. I know they don’t. I can see it every time they speak to me, every time they have a appointment with me. And honestly I feel like sending them a link to this post so they can see what they have done to someone like me.

Who knows who else they are doing it to. Probably no one because they only seem to act this way with me. My friends have noticed it, my family have noticed it. So I am not the only one who has seen this.

Also the reason I am exhausted, is because for the past few days since Saturday, I haven’t slept properly and I have no idea why. I’ve tried everything. Lights off, TV off, Reading, Walking around. Taking tablets to aid sleep. And guess what?

If you guessed that the NHS didn’t care, you’ve got it in one. I’m still trying to get into the doctors to be put on sleeping medication. I’ll try again in the morning, but looks like sleep won’t be coming for me tonight. Getting more headaches, more eye problems (I’m losing my sight) because I’m up all night for no reason. I am even surprised that I am still functioning normally, but it’s whatever. Maybe I should stay up all night and then maybe I’ll get a decent nights sleep.

Vent Over!

[frazzledsoul]

This Is Us headcanons, because I have decided to fill in the gaps myself

(BTW, if the showrunners contradicted any of this in their interviews, I do not care because it isn't canon if you don't put it in the show)

Randall does not become President, because I feel that is a wee bridge too far. He does not run for President at the end of the main timeline (2033) but he does run unsuccessfully two more times. Kevin, Jack Jr, and Nicky Jr (more on that later) are special guests at his campaign rallies. He saves in Congress for an appropriate length of time and then retires gracefully.

Beth runs her dance school and continues to be fabulous. She outlives Randall but does not remarry.

Deja and Malik reconnected while she was in med school and he was in law school. A few years after William Jr is born, they have a daughter they name Beth. So Malik gets his own Big Three, and has a teenage daughter and two little kids at the same time. Godspeed to you, Malik.

Tess does not marry the person she was dating in eighth grade, because that's overkill. She goes to the University of Chicago and majors in social work. Eventually she marries and she and her wife adopt a pair of siblings from foster care.

Annie goes to Howard University like Randall wanted to. She writes a series of thinly fictionalized novels about her crazy family as an adult. She becomes a single mother by choice and has a daughter named Rebecca.

Kate remains married to Phillip, who keeps that awesome mustache for a very long time. She opens a bunch of music schools for the blind. Phillip outlives her but does not remarry.

Toby remains married to Laura (aka Vanilla Parfait Lady). They do not have any other kids. He finds a job in LA that satisfies him professionally. He outlives Kate but Laura outlives him: she does not remarry.

Jack Jr struggles with weight as a young kid but Toby gets him into exercising and eating healthy so he overcomes it by his early teens. He does struggle with overdrinking in early adulthood (remember our first glimpse of him was him passed out next to a bunch of beer bottles?) He overcomes it once he starts dating Lucy and never really developed the serious issues all of his male relatives did. Both he and Lucy become the uber Pearsons: successful in both of their careers and with an adorable family to boot. After Hope is born, they have an adorable son named Toby.

Hailey meets her birth mother and sister as an adult but does not develop a close relationship with them. Because there are so many famous members of the family, she was aware that Hailey's parents split up when she was small and has some issues with it. It's disappointing, but that's life. Hailey eventually married a nice guy who is neither the famous guy she slept with or her best friend at the art gallery. They do not have kids. Hailey becomes a very successful art curator.

Remember when only Hailey seems to be invited to Hope's birth and nobody else was around and it seemed to predict Toby and Kate's premature deaths? Yeah, that was crap, they and their spouses were down in the cafeteria eating banana pudding, that's all.

Kevin does continue to act after the present timeline ends in 2022. He never becomes a huge star, but he has a season-long arc on a streaming show, a miniseries that gets him award noms, a voice job. He mostly quits after Rebecca dies and focuses on Big Three Homes and his family, but he does still work occasionally afterwards.

After reconciling in 2026, Kevin and Sophie go to a lot of therapy and marry in late 2027. While they may have wanted kids together at some point, it was not a huge priority for Sophie in her other marriages and they recognize that it is too late now to try for it. It sucks, but that 's life.

Kevin has kind of a Tilda Swinton situation going on with his personal life. For those who are unaware of what that means, actress Tilda Swinton was rumored for years to have one partner she raised her kids with and one she traveled with. She recently revealed this was never the case: she split up with the father of her kids when they were young and remained with the other partner afterwards, but was not involved with them at the same time. Sophie has little interest in Kevin's Hollywood life and only occasionally goes with him to premieres and charity stuff: he'll often take Cassidy, or Madison, or Elijah, or the kids (including Madison and Elijah's son), or Cassidy's son Matty sometimes, or a combination of any of these people. Madison and Kevin do parent stuff together often, and we're often seen at sports events together. The entire collective makes decisions together and helps raise their collective three kids as a team. They often vacation together. Madison and Elijah live at another house in the town where Kevin and Sophie move to, but as we have seen they often hang out at the cabin on weekends. So from a distance, it looks like Kevin is at the very least polyamorous....or maybe has started a cult. Anyway, it's a weird little blended family unit and it works for them.

Cassidy remains close to Kevin and works at Big Three Homes. She does not remarry and remains happily single.

Nicky and Edie married in late 2022. They moved to the small cabin while Rebecca and Miguel moved to the big one. Nicky (who is 85 at the time the story mostly ends, in 2033) dies shortly after the twins graduate from high school in 2039. Edie lives in the cabin another ten years or so before she passes away.

Nicky Jr becomes a major football star and plays for the Steelers, because of course he does. Then he becomes an actor. He basically ends up being The Rock. He marries twice and has a daughter with his first wife and two boys with his second but never really settle down and enjoys DILF life.

Franny becomes a nurse like Bonus Mom Sophie. She marries and has two girls.

Madison and Elijah's son becomes some sort of tech wiz.

I am not sure which one of the four outlives the other, but Elijah dies first because I like him the least.

Rebecca and Jack continue to have a wonderful afterlife together.

[indigo474]

words matter

i'm sitting there enjoying water ice- i paid for-he's enjoying his water ice- i also paid for. I tell him my car is in the shop- he says if you need any help let me know. i asked him how would he help me? how would you help me- my car is in the shop getting repaired and you offered to help. How? He had no idea how he would help me- he mumbled something about he could make sure i didn't get ripped off- how are you going to do that? So, maybe he was "just trying to be nice" there's just something about someone that says things with no meaning behind them that i find annoying. don't say things just to say them- offer help- real help. i try try try my best to not just say things-there were lots of things about him i didn't like. he was very surface and i got the feeling he was listening to respond- i could hardly get the words out and he was talking.. over me. i got a text and he said something like ohh that must be your boyfriend. fucking weird. and the phone calls-constantly wanting to be on the phone- bye boy.. words matter- i'm not into the empty promise crap- yes its nice to offer to help but thats all it was words.

work is going great as far as i can tell- i think ive settled in pretty nicely. Most days i feel like a bad ass boss bitch.. HA- still totally amazed to be where i'm at- AMAZED- I do have to say, now that i see how other reps do things- i'm not surprised I got promoted. I mean, i followed the rules and always looked good on the reports. The only thing i was lacking was the experience of being a supervisor. it's funny how things work out. i feel like i should try and get a 2nd job. i got nothing going on and i can only exercise and food prep so much. I'm sure in the winter i will be working more. life is good- i am blessed. Mads is having a hard time being a vegan in disney. the stereotypes about vegans are true. i wish she would just eat meat. she could be doing worse things but GOD how do her friends stand her. just eat the chicken nuggets. i miss her. i might be getting a house or condo or something- scary. i only have myself to depend on. i hope i make the right decisions. part of me wanted to tell this guy all his shortcomings.. i find i want to do that with all of them- but i dont.

worked out today with James- no PR's lately- or rather the last 2 weeks or so. my body is sore and i am not sure why. I am going to run tomorrow before work. Kika was tired today. i am tired now.

sometimes i think to myself about how fucked up i am. i mean i read all these thing about healing and i have a lot to heal. i also have a good heart and awareness of where i fall short.

[chinahatbeach]

Thoughts for Today

Aloha Friday! Good morning to you. I am happy for Friday to be here. I have a couple plans for the weekend and taking time to enjoy life. I will still do the chores I must do but I’m not doing any extra’s. I need to enjoy doing things I want to do and not waiting for ‘some day’.

I had answers come to me yesterday. Answers to many questions that have sat in my brain and wanted to be exposed. You know…… those things that make you go hmmm and you wonder and you pick apart. The answers are there but we put too much thinking into things. Yup, I’m one of those folks who thinks too much. The answers are there if we only shut down our brain and let go, let God, and be simple in our complex thinking.

As many of you know, I have been clearing out any or all of the excess in my house. It’s been such a good feeling having less. Less mess, less stuff taking up room. Mind you, I still have plenty of stuff. But then there is me. I have stuff in me that needs to let go, be gone. I need a new mindset, new heart, and I need to travel down the road of clearing out the old ways and installing the new.

What the heck am I talking about? Here it is……. I no longer want to just believe the Word of God but I want to live it more. More of Jesus and less of this world. Yes, I will continue to work to pay my bills. But I no longer care about so many things that distract me from Jesus. Less television…… now, I won’t get rid of the tv but I won’t watch tv shows that glorify crap in this world. I hate (yes, I said hate) those commercials that tell folks to take a certain medicine when you have HIV. In fact, I dislike them pushing any medicine for people on tv. It gives false hope for people who have ailments that could be fixed with sleep, diet, and exercise. And most importantly, with the hand of Jesus in their lives.

I’m cleaning out the closet of my mind, heart, and soul. I will say I’ve failed at times on my diet part of life. I’ve failed at many parts of my life. And a lot of that feeling of failure came from doctors who made me feel like a failure. Example…… Many years ago, I lost 60 pounds and was so excited. I went into my doctor’s appointment happy. He looked at my lab numbers and complained about this, that, and whatever. I looked at him and I said, “Hey, what about my weight loss?” ” I worked hard at that as that was a big deal and you say nothing to lift me up and make me feel good about that.”

I’ve also had doctors who ‘wrote me off’ for not following along with their stinkin’ thinkin’. If I didn’t take their crappy drugs or eat kale, I was gonna die. I’m still here and I am feeling so much better without them and their narrow thoughts.

Point is this…. we can worry about so many things in life and it doesn’t add a day to our life. A happy heart, healthy food, good sleep, and letting God heal us completely in all His ways. Yes, Jesus gives us new life in many ways……. if we confess He is Lord and give our hearts to Him, He gives us new life. It also says in the Bible that Jesus can heal us. Well, that was only during the time Jesus was here on Earth. Really??? Does God limit us, limit it to only a certain time period? Nope. Read the Bible…. He sent out His disciples to go do miracles and wonders. I believe in the entire Bible. I believe that God heals. I will confess this with my mouth. There is hope for everyone who has an ailment. Some might get a miracle healing. Some might see a doctor that gives them a device that helps renew their body. Healing comes in many forms. I truly believe we must have “Hope” play a part in all of it. 2 Timothy 1:7 – For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind – Scripture Frame – Bible Verse.

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Well, I must get going and do chicken chores. I hear the girls screaming for breakfast and they do get upset if I don’t feed them right away.

May your Friday be filled with much Aloha and your weekend be relaxing. Find the blessings….. look for Godwinks.

And that’s the way it is………

[academy13]

Very tempted to start a drum corps that gives DCI the middle finger but is equally as able to put on a sexy DCI show without traumatizing members into quitting the activity. I mean like, given the age of the vast majority of DCI corps members, they’re still figuring their shit out. I know someone who at the time I marched in high school did not have nearly as fond memories as I because of the fact we were in different places with our queerness. 

So like one, corps has to be a safe space for the queer kids, two has to be a safe space from the predators, three none of this food issue crap, four, and perhaps most importantly, has to put everyone’s health first. You do not have a functional marching unit if the members are not healthy and safe, period. 

Like I still remember Arsenal, I even saw them perform the year they were applying for Open Class membership. They were a good corps and the director had a very good goal, and he’s the one who got punished, not the actual people who should’ve been punished long before Arsenal even came on the scene.

And like... just in general the marching arts has got to change, there are some very real problems that have not been addressed in the high school arena (of which many members of DCI corps happen to also be), so the cross between DCI and high school things is... not great. So like... yes, The Academy and many marching bands out here can claim ‘heat forged’, because inevitably we will have rehearsals outside in the summer sun, but you can’t make us be out there in triple digits during heat advisories because that is how you get heat stroke. I don’t even know what its like for the groups who have to deal with summer weather AND humidity... my only reference point is Walt Disney World in July, day three I had to go back to the hotel room and take a nap because the weather took it out of me. All we did was walk the theme parks, and I was like ‘Oh my god how do people live like this’.

I love marching band, but we have to make changes so that this sport, and it is a sport don’t @ me, can survive into the future. Sports evolve, this one desperately needs to before we lose it. If we don’t have people who want to be in marching band, there won’t be marching band period. And the way it is right now, there’s going to be a lot less people entering it. And it’s not even a “woke” thing to say, its a HUMAN thing to say. I mean the state of DCI right now, I wouldn’t even choose to march even though I aged out 7 years ago... medically it would end poorly for me (it was after my second time trying out for Academy, which if I had made the corps would’ve made me a rook out, that I was diagnosed with a seizure disorder). I did march a Sound Sport team since that diagnosis, but it was one, a lot less crazy because they were not yet trying to be a member corps (so they were still all age), and I was really CRAZY about my body, I still am very crazy about it. I try very hard to listen to my body because if I don’t, I’m going to have a bad time. So that means staying on top of my meds, drinking plenty of water, eating regularly... with some of the things I’ve heard since I stopped marching regularly, I wouldn’t want to unless I knew for a fact I’d be in control of when I can sit down and eat. And fun fact, for me I only get a very short warning before my seizures, and it strongly reminds me of when you’re doing breathing exercises and get lightheaded. So I get extra crazy during breathing exercises because I CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO THINGS. I even did the Academy’s Alumni thing last year (because having been a member of Phenom entitles me to this) and rehearsals were really interesting even though I wound up not being able to perform that show (for covid reasons none of the alumni were able to perform).

I want people to continue to enjoy and love this sport, so we have to do better now.

[discoflye]

Chapter 3: A Ticket To Alpha-23 (9.3.2018)

I remember there was a commercial street in Naha, Okinawa, Japan where I went this summer. It was long and crowded. This time I am on a street that is similar to this. It is long but not crowded. I’m walking on this street at midnight because I have a plane to catch. This street is very dark, and not crowded at all. Maybe because it’s early morning and everyone’s sleeping. The stores and shops are closed as well, which we call dead silence. There’s no traffic too, so I think I’m going to the airport on foot. I am not sure why I am going to the airport or where I am flying to. All I know is it’s something I need to rush.

The interesting thing is I don’t have so much luggage for this trip. All I have is the black box I’m carrying every day for school. That’s how it starts, crap, I forgot my backpack. There’s something important in there I need to bring but I’m not sure what they are, maybe the passport? When I stop walking and try to figure out what to do next. A time point pops in my mind, which is the time of taking off. I thought it will be in the morning, but in fact, the plane will leave at around 1 pm. I don’t know how I become so dumb and careless this time since I’ve traveled a lot and nothing like this happened to my life. No choice but turning around and going back. I don’t why I’m jogging to get home, there’s nothing else urgent. Maybe I don’t want to walk on the same road again. The daylight is coming out, and I finally see some people walking on the street. I go beyond them all time cause I’m jogging, they might think I’m weird or I’m just a healthy guy who loves morning exercise.

It’s been morning, and I’m eventually feeling hungry. However, I still haven’t got home yet. The flight is not a rush anymore I just realize that really late. Looks like it would be a good idea to find somewhere to eat. The first restaurant pops in my sight is a Chinese restaurant. It pretty much looks like the big restaurant in my high school in which the food is well-cooked and put in the huge plates for costumers to pick. Somehow it looks like a food prohibition. There are a lot of people in here. It seems that I need to have the food to go. The weird thing about Chinese food is it’s really hard to remember all their names because they are too varied. I don’t know what food I have picked, but when I hear about there’s no pack to-go service in this restaurant, it doesn’t matter anymore. So I leave and continue to explore. The second place to get food looks like a food truck but it’s not a truck. It just stays out in public with a huge desk of food, which is the most unique food I’ve ever seen in my life. They sell a special type of donut. By that I mean they are much bigger than a regular donut, they are thick and long. And most importantly, there’s much space inside the donut for filling fried rice. It looks delicious right? There are people coming to this place all the time. No doubt this food place is doing a good job. The man says 5 dollars for 1. That’s not too bad, I’m down.  

Finally, a jump shot to the airplane. Yeah I made it, big success of my life. However, I am wondering why my view is outside of the plane. Am I not sitting on the plane? But it doesn’t matter, I’m very strong. What matters is the plane looks like a flying camel air doll. What in the world! The wing is extremely short I don’t know how it’s flying. It’s probably the most colorful plane I’ve seen. Most part is green and some other random colors. This camel looks like he’s falling asleep since his eyes are half-opened. Still, it’s a toy, an air toy. Those are not the worst parts, what surprises me the most is while it’s preparing for landing. It opens a giant parachute right in front of the nose hatch. Why do I feel so weird while I’m looking at this? Oh yeah, because the parachute is supposed to be at the back to speed down the plane. Yet it’s still in front and looks solid. The camel plane and the wind, they are both cheating. The physics is broken. What a magical airplane and even with a magnificent airport. Wait that can’t be the airport. Because where the camel plane is landing is right on the public road while the traffic is still going. There are even highways above the roads. I see everything I just saw in my sight. I can’t believe I survive this kinda journey. Maybe this is the end of heading out, but there must be much more new stuff out there waiting for me to see.

[obeythedemons]

They Take MC to the Doctor [Obey Me! Headcanons]

Obey Me! Masterlist

Headcanon List

--

Lucifer

Will argue with the doctor if they dismiss their symptoms or just say they need more sleep or to lose weight

Has a huge list of all symptoms and their occurrences, knows more about what's happening to MC than MC really does

MC never realize just how closely he paid attention to what was going on

Realizes some of the stuff that's going on with them is not normal and is only brought to light because Lucifer realized it

Handles all of the insurance crap and works everything out so that everyone is in-network or takes MC to another country

MC never sees the bills or has to fill out any paperwork, he'll do it all for them.

Mammon

Also has a list of symptoms he's noticed, but is not as organized as Lucifer. He'll bring up things multiple times if the doctor waves it off before he starts yelling.

Keeps track of all of MC's medications and can surprisingly pronounce them correctly and spell them out correctly as well as the dosages - he's good with numbers.

Helps to hype MC up before a doctor's appointment and distract them from anything scary

Will hold MC's hand the entire time if they want, won't complain if they squeeze too hard.

Treats MC to something nice after an appointment as a reward

Leviathan

He's a weirdo that likes going to the doctor and likes the smell there.

He likes looking at the posters and models, he'll even go into depth and explain what they are and how they're different between humans and demons

He info dumps a lot at the doctor, both because he thinks it's interesting and because he's trying to distract MC from what's going on

Will be a blushing mess when he holds MC's hand when they're getting poked, but will do it to help his Henry

Has a list of demon doctors he's seen for a variety of ailments, so if MC needs a recommendation on who to see he'd be more than happy to give them the information

Satan

Knows what's wrong with MC and will make bring it up to the doctor

If the doctor dismisses either of them and says that a diagnosis is not important, he'll drag MC out and schedule an appointment to another doctor

He knows a lot of demons and people, so he'll make sure to find the best doctors for MC, even if it's just for a physical

Carries around a list of things MC takes, their medical conditions, and allergies so that he's prepared in case something happens - very useful when seeing a new doctor

Will read to MC while in the waiting room or examination room from the magazines or books they have out

Asmodeus

Brings his own bandages for MC when they get their blood drawn

He thinks his are cuter and MC deserves the best!

Dotes over MC the entire time, complimenting them and massaging any stress knots out of their muscles

Takes MC out on a self-care date after the appointment to help cheer them up and reward them for being so brave

Part of self-care is also making sure that MC takes care of their mind/body, so he's very good at reminding MC to take their meds, do their exercises, etc.

Beelzebub

Writes down notes so that he doesn't forget anything and listen attentively to the doctor. He'll ask questions if he doesn't understand something and makes sure MC also understands.

Makes sure MC gets a lollipop for being good - yeah, they're an adult, they still need one, right? Asks if he can have one, too.

Will still take MC out for a meal afterward to celebrate them.

Makes sure MC is taking care of their mind/body and will help them with anything and everything they need.

Will gladly hold MC's hand and offers it before MC even needs to ask.

Belphegor

Will get very snarky with the doctor if he thinks for even a second that the doctor is not taking MC seriously.

Knows MC's schedule almost perfectly - when they eat, when they sleep, when they take their meds, etc. He'll sometimes know it better than MC and can help communicate it to the doctor.

If MC is holding something back from the doctor or if they forget, they'll tell the doctor - it's for MC's own good even if they get mad.

Goes to Satan if he needs help finding doctors for MC.

Diavolo

The royal physicians should work well for MC, right? They're the best doctors in Devildom and are very knowledgeable in human medicine.

Want a human doctor? He'll bring in the world's leading experts in whatever fields MC needs - he'll cover the costs, don't worry, MC.

Tells MC he's always wanted to hold someone's hand when they're scared and will hold their hand just in case. He'll have the brightest smile on his face doing so because he can help his favorite human.

Will spend so much money and time trying to find better treatment options for MC if they're struggling with their symptoms.

Barbatos

Will help MC prepare a list of things that need to be covered at the appointment beforehand and will make sure MC is seeing only the best of the best.

Knows how drugs interact with each other just like how teas interact with different foods. He'll be vigilant to make sure MC won't have anything interact poorly.

He'll hold MC's hand and run his other hand through their hair to distract them from any blood draws.

Will praise MC for being brave during the doctor's appointment, even if it was something small.

He'll bake them a cake and serve them their favorite tea afterward

Simeon

Will have blessed MC beforehand so that they don't have to see the doctor too often, their ailments seem to have disappeared - at least their severity and how often they have them.

Is more than happy to go to the doctor with MC and will ask if they would like him to go with them.

Holds MC the entire time unless the doctor needs it. But the moment the doctor no longer needs it he'll hold it again while offering them that bright smile of his.

Also keeps a handwritten list of questions MC has for the doctor in case they want to reference it at any time.

Luke

He's very serious about his duties at making sure MC takes care, so he'll set reminders for MC to make a doctor's appointment or encourages them to make one when something is wrong.

Gets frustrated when he has to leave the room, but respects MC's privacy. Tells them that if they need him to go back and protect them they just need to holler for him.

Also blesses MC to keep them healthy - it's stronger than Simeon's blessing. He just doesn't realize how strong his blessings really are.

Has cookies or MC's favorite dessert ready for them immediately after the appointment - he made them beforehand to reward them.

Solomon

He's studied medicine a lot in his immortal life and is pretty familiar with everything. He can diagnose MC, just not legally. He's not licensed. So he'll tell MC exactly which specialist they need to see to get the medications or treatments they need.

He has connections so MC doesn't have to wait months just to see said specialist.

He can work magic to help MC with their symptoms if they allow him to.

If MC has something and it really bugs or hurts them, he'll work hard to find a cure for them.

[multi-fandom-imagines-stuff]

Smaller Than This

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff/daughter!reader, Peter Parker/platonic!reader, Wanda Maximoff/reader

Description: The reader is Natasha Romanoff’s daughter, best friend of Peter Parker, and girlfriend of Wanda Maximoff. Growing up in the spotlight is hard enough, but things cross a line when people start commenting on the reader’s weight.

Warnings: eating disorder, swearing, threats of violence

Word count: 3,282

A/N: I know it’s not easy to deal with eating disorders, but please know that you are beautiful and amazing and you don’t deserve to have to suffer through that. Please, if you are struggling with this, reach out for help. <3

✩❀✩❀✩

Black Widow’s daughter spotted in Central Park with new best friend Scarlet Witch and Stark Industry intern Peter Parker! Could Parker be y/n’s new boyfriend?

You laughed and rolled your eyes as you clicked on the tweet. Stalking paparazzi twitter accounts had to be one of your favorite pastimes, simply because the so-called facts they were giving out were false 99% of the time. For instance, this situation? You had gone out for a picnic with Peter and Wanda when those photos were taken, and the paparazzi completely twisted things. Peter wasn’t your boyfriend, he was just your best friend. And Wanda wasn’t your best friend, she was your girlfriend. You chose to ignore the false headline as you went immediately for the replies.

‘Do you see the way y/n’s looking at Wanda? It seems more like there’s something going on between them than there is between y/n and Peter’

You smiled and liked that tweet. You liked messing with people just a bit. Whenever someone would tweet about there possibly being a relationship between you and Wanda, you liked the tweet. It wasn’t enough information to actually confirm the relationship as true, but it was enough to keep people speculating.

You scrolled through several more replies. Most of them were people using the heart eyes emoji or saying how much they loved your mom, but there were a few in there that stuck out more than the rest. That was because they were harsh and hurtful.

‘I don’t understand how someone can live with the Avengers and still look like that. Does she ever even exercise?’

‘She could stand to lose some weight. Instead of going out for a picnic, she should try to skip a few meals’

You read through replies for a few more minutes. Similar comments would pop up now and then, and while there wasn’t an overwhelming amount, there was still enough to make you close down the app and shut off your phone, averting all your attention toward not crying. 

“Miss y/n, dinner has been called,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice rang through your room.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind, you got off your bed and made your way to the dining room. There, Peter and Wanda were setting the table while Steve and Bucky carried out the food.

You walked up behind your girlfriend and wrapped your arms around her waist, resting your chin on her shoulder. You felt her jump slightly before she realized it was you and relaxed into your touch. You placed a kiss on her cheek.

“I love you,” You whispered in her ear.

“Hey! What did we talk about?” Tony directed at you, raising an eyebrow at you and causing you to roll your eyes.

“No lovey-dovey shit at the dinner table,” You mumbled.

“Language!” Steve scolded you as Clint joined the conversation.

“Oh, come on, Tony,” He said. “It’s young love. It’s harmless and adorable.”

“It makes me want to hurl,” Tony retorted.

To onlookers, it may have sounded like Tony was being a real dick, but you knew he was just teasing you. He’d never admit it, but secretly he loved how happy you and Wanda made each other.

“Watch it, Stark,” Your mom shot him a glare. “That’s my kid you’re talking about.”

Your head whipped up at your mom’s voice. She had been on a mission for the past week and wasn’t supposed to get home for another three days.

“Mom!” You yelled as you ran toward her, wrapping your arms around her as you squeezed her tight.

“Hey, kiddo! I’ve missed you!” She said, hugging you back and kissing you lightly on the forehead.

“I’ve missed you, too!”

“As much as I hate to break up this reunion,” Bucky said, causing you to pull away from your mom. “Steve and I slaved over dinner and it’s getting cold, so let’s eat.”

You took your seat at the table—in between Peter and Wanda—and filled your plate with the spaghetti and garlic bread Steve and Bucky made. Everyone was silent as you all dug into your food and, you had to admit, it tasted amazing. 

When Steve and Bucky first moved in, neither of them were allowed near a stove without supervision. They had started too many accidental fires. But after lots and lots of practice, the two of them easily became the best cooks in the tower.

After dinner, you excused yourself to your room. Your phone was still lying face down on the bed, so you grabbed it and opened it up. Right away, you noticed several notifications from twitter. Upon further investigation, you found that the rude comments people were saying about you had extended to your messages. Now, you had complete strangers messaging you about how you needed to ‘lose weight’, or ‘eat less’, or ‘exercise more’. A few of the messages even called you a ‘disappointment to the Avengers’.

You deactivated your account and deleted the app from your phone, but the damage was already done and you knew it. So you came up with a plan and decided to set it into motion the next morning.

✩❀✩❀✩

You woke up in the morning to your alarm blaring. Checking the time, you saw it was 4:30, and you wondered why your alarm was going off so early before you remembered the plan you had made the night before.

You got out of bed and quickly dressed in athletic attire before running out of your room. You knew Steve liked to run in the mornings, so you sat in the kitchen waiting for him.

When he finally sauntered in at 5:00, he was more than surprised to see you sitting there.

“Y/n?” He asked. “What’re you doing up so early?”

“Can I run with you today, Uncle Steve?” You asked him, a pleading look on your face that you knew he couldn’t say no to.

“Yeah, sure,” He said. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be sleeping?”

You nodded. 

“I want to start running. My mile time in P.E. class has been slacking lately and I don’t want to fail the class.”

You were surprised yet proud of how quickly you were able to come up with that lie, and you were happy to see that Steve believed every word of it.

So that’s how you spent your morning: running laps with Steve.

The two of you finally called it quits around 6:15 and parted ways. Steve went off to do whatever he did during the days, and you went off to squeeze in a quick shower before school.

By the time you were done with your shower, it was nearly 7:00, which meant you had to rush to get dressed. You finally made it to the kitchen, where Wanda was already waiting for you. The two of you yelled a quick ‘bye’ to whoever was listening before you started the quick walk to the bus stop.

You felt Wanda’s hand interlock with yours and a smile arose on your face as you squeezed her hand. You two didn’t want to publicly disclose your relationship yet, so you knew the minute you reached the bus stop you’d have to let go.

✩❀✩❀✩

At lunch, you sat at a table with Wanda, Peter, MJ, and Ned. You skipped the food line and instead opted to sip at a bottle of water.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” Peter asked you.

“What do you mean?” You shot back, not quite sure what he was getting at.

“You’re not eating.”

Shit. You had to think of a lie, and you had to be extra careful since your girlfriend could read minds. She promised you she’d never read your mind without your consent, but you were still wary.

“Uh...I’m just not feeling well,” You said. “My stomach is feeling a little flip-floppy and I don’t want to push it.”

To your luck, they nodded it off and changed the topic, not questioning you again for the rest of the day.

That night at dinner, you pushed the food around on your plate, eating a few bites here and there. It wasn’t hard to pretend you had eaten, especially since your family was so big. Everyone seemed to be so caught up in conversations with other people that they didn’t notice when you got up and scraped your food into the trash.

✩❀✩❀✩

These habits carried on for a few more weeks. You’d wake up every morning to run with Steve, make up some excuse for why you didn’t eat lunch, and you’d have a few bites of dinner before sneakily trashing it. On most weekends, you chose to spend your time training with your mom. You claimed it was so that you could stay sharp with your self-defense skills, and while that wasn’t necessarily a lie, it wasn’t the full truth, either. But your mom never questioned it, and you were glad.

You seemed to fly under the radar, until one Sunday afternoon.

You walked into your room after training with your mom to find Peter and Wanda waiting for you.

“Hey, guys,” You greeted, throwing yourself into a chair and downing half a bottle of water. “What’s up?” 

“We know,” Wanda said, a stern yet concerned look on her face.

“Know what?” You asked her, although you could feel your heart rate rising. You knew what she was talking about.

“That you haven’t been eating,” Peter joined in.

“What’re you talking about? Of course I’ve been eating.”

That was a lie. Your stomach hadn’t been properly filled in weeks and you couldn’t remember the last time it wasn’t rumbling. But that wasn’t important. What was important was the fact that you were finally losing weight. There’s no way you could stop now.

“Cut the crap, y/n,” Peter said, catching you by surprise. “We’ve been watching you. I can’t even remember the last time you bought a school lunch.”

“And you pick at your food at dinner every night,” Wanda added. “I haven’t seen you eat more than three bites. You think no one notices, but you’re wrong. And I can feel you, love. You feel...empty.”

Wanda rested her hand on your knee as you tried to process what was happening. You had been so good at hiding this, how had they found out?

“You guys, I’m—” You started before Peter cut you off.

“Don’t say you’re fine, because you’re not. We know it, and you know it, so please stop lying to us, y/n. We just want to help.”

“I have it under control, I don’t need help,” You protested. “Just...please don’t tell my mom.”

“Y/n—”

“Wanda, please,” You begged. “My mom has enough to worry about as it is. I don’t need to add this to her stress as well. I promise, I have it under control. I’m alright.”

Wanda and Peter shared a look before turning back to you. 

“We’ll keep this between us for now,” Peter said, and you felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.

“But, if things get any worse, we won’t hesitate to bring your mom into this,” Wanda warned.

You nodded and the two of them left, Wanda kissing you quickly before walking out of the room. 

‘I just need to hide it better’ you thought to yourself. ‘This is all my fault for being too obvious about things. I need to do better.’

Wanda and Peter had dropped the topic for the time being, until a week later, things took a turn for the worse when your P.E. teacher announced that your class was running the mile that day.

Thanks to training with Steve, your mile time had improved and you were one of the fastest in the class. However, due to malnutrition, any sort of exercise made you extremely lightheaded. 

You ignored the part of your brain that was telling you to make up some excuse to sit out. You convinced yourself you just weren’t drinking enough water so you drank an entire water bottle and went to class.

You were about halfway done with your mile when the corners of your vision turned black. You blinked a few times, trying to edge it away, but it was no use. By now, you heard a loud ringing in your ears and the world started spinning around you. You slowed down a bit, trying to regain your composure when you felt your knees buckle underneath you, and you were plunged into a world of darkness, not feeling it when you hit the ground.

✩❀✩❀✩

When you awoke, you were still laying on the field, your entire class swarming around you. You were trying to sit up when you felt something attached to your hand. 

You looked to the right and saw Wanda sitting there, looking scared as hell.

“Miss Maximoff, Mr. Parker, please escort Miss Romanoff to the nurse’s office,” Your teacher ordered.

You felt Wanda help lift you to a standing position and once you were up, you felt the world start spinning again. You shut your eyes tight as two arms, you assumed they belonged to Wanda and Peter, wrapped around either side of your waist. Soon enough, the dizziness ceased and you opened your eyes, signaling for Peter and Wanda to start walking with you.

You made it to the nurse’s station where you saw your mom already waiting.

“Mom?” You asked, wondering how she had gotten to your school so quickly.

“Peter called me the second he saw you fall,” She explained.

You, Wanda, and Peter were dismissed from school early, and your mom led you all back to her car. You sat in the passenger seat while Peter and Wanda sat in the back.

“What happened?” Your mom demanded.

The tone of her voice scared you a little bit, but you knew it was filled more with concern than it was with anger.

“I must’ve just gotten overheated or something,” You lied, knowing exactly why you passed out. “I was doing fine one second, and then the next I was on the ground.”

“That’s not true, Ms. Romanoff,” Peter interjected.

You whipped your head around to him and shook your head, silently pleading him to not tell her.

“What do you mean?” She asked. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“Peter, stop,” You said, panicking at what was about to be said.

“Y/n hasn’t eaten a proper meal in a month,” Wanda admitted.

You shot your girlfriend a look of betrayal before turning back around to face forward.

“You, what?!” Your mom blared. “Y/n, is this true?”

Your silence was enough of an answer for her to understand that yes, it was true.

“Y/n, baby, why?” Your mom said.

You could tell she was trying to be strong, but her voice was cracking.

“Because I’m not like you guys, okay?!” You finally snapped, letting loose all of your pent-up emotions. “I don’t have a super-human metabolism like Peter, and I don’t have a perfectly in-shape body. I’m not an avenger and it sure as hell shows. Even people I don’t even know were making comments about it on twitter.”

“Is that why you disabled your account?” Peter asked, realization hitting him.

You nodded and looked down at your fingers, not wanting to make eye contact with any of them.

By now, you had reached the tower and your mom put the car into park, turning to face you.

“Y/n, I know it’s been hard for you to grow up in the spotlight, constantly being compared to us but this isn’t healthy,” She said, cupping your chin and lightly pulling your head up to meet her gaze. “If I had known all of this, I never would have let you do all those extra training sessions with me. It’s not safe for you to keep exercising like this when you’re not giving your body proper nourishment.”

“I can’t—” You sniffed. “I can’t stop. I need help.”

You felt a tear roll down your cheek as your mom brushed it away, pulling you in for a hug before the four of you got out of the car.

Once inside, your mom told you to sit down in the living room while she left for a few minutes. When she returned, she had the rest of the team with her and you could only assume she had given them the run-down on your situation. 

You were slightly hurt that she had shared your personal life like that, but you knew it was for the best.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Your mom said once everyone was settled. “Y/n, you’re going to help with dinner every night. I know it can be hard once you’ve developed a food phobia, but when you’re in control of what we eat every night it makes things a little easier. No more throwing your food in the trash, okay? As for school, I’ll be making you a homemade lunch each day, and Peter and Wanda will be keeping an eye on you and will be reporting back to me. First thing tomorrow, I’ll call and set you up an appointment with a therapist. Bottling up your emotions will only make things worse, trust me. You need to talk to someone, and a therapist will help to give you healthier coping mechanisms.”

You listened as your mom laid out these new rules before telling you to go lie down. As you got up to leave, you were bombarded with your family hugging you and telling you they were there for you. You honestly had never felt more loved and supported in your life.

You finally made your way to your room, lying down in bed. A few minutes later, you heard a knock at your door.

“Come in,” You said weakly.

The handle turned and Wanda walked in, using her powers to levitate a tray behind her. You sat up and she put the tray down in your lap. On the tray, you saw there was a plate of cheese and crackers.

You looked down at the tray before looking up at your girlfriend. You forced yourself to pick up one of the crackers and take a bite, your mind screaming at you the entire time. But you were sick. You knew this. You wanted to get better.

“I’m sorry for telling your mother,” Wanda spoke. “You were slowly killing yourself and I couldn’t stand by and watch it happen. I’m so sorry, y/n. Can you forgive me?”

“I don’t blame you, Wan,” You told her. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I never should have forced you and Peter to keep this a secret.”

Wanda wrapped you into her arms, squeezing tightly. The two of you stayed like that for a long time before you pulled away and, bite by bite, finished the snack she had brought you.

✩❀✩❀✩

You had been in recovery for about a month now, and while things were far from easy, you knew you could do it. Your family was your support system and they were right there by your side every step of the way.

You were sitting on the couch with Peter and Wanda, you and your girlfriend tangled in each other’s arms as you watched your mom on tv. She was finishing up a press conference.

“Oh, and one last thing before I go,” She spoke toward the camera and the audience. “Whoever decided to make awful comments about my daughter online, I am a trained assassin and I will find you.”

[babymetaldoll]

Bunny (Matthew Gray Gubler/ Reader)

Requested: Yes (And I’m sorry it took me so long, I hope you like it, Anon!!)

Category: Hardcore fluff

Warnings: You have to be able to manage this level of fluffiness

Summary: Matthew just started dating this new girl he can't stop thinking about, and suddenly, all the love clichés are making sense. (Or, why MGG has been calling his girlfriend "Bunny" in all the one-shots I've written) 😬

Word count: 2.8K

A/N: Hello!!! how's everybody doing? life has been a mess in the last few weeks. Grandma is very sick and my mind hasn't been focused on writing. I also moved to a new apartment, which is great news, 'cos we needed more space, but it also means I've been weary and too busy to write 😭. I hope you are all having a good day/night/evening ✨

Masterlist

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Matthew stared at his phone and hesitated. He was about to dial but stopped himself at the last second. He had to take a deep breath and count to ten before he actually pressed "dial." And when he did, his stomach fluttered immediately.

- "Hello?"

- "Hey, (Y/N). It's Matthew Gray"-he announced, and his voice shook a little. He was nervous, and there was no way on earth (Y/N) hadn't noticed it.

- "Hello! Yes, I know. Your number is registered in my phone, remember?"- (Y/N) giggled at the other side of the line, and Gubler felt like slapping himself for being such a dork.

- "Right !! I totally forgot about that. So, how are you? "

Calling (Y/N) after their first date wasn't going as smoothly as Matthew imagined. And he had imagined it for the last couple of hours. He had imagined that conversation since he left her at her front door the night before, actually.

Gubler knew he wasn't smooth around girls he liked. He could usually pretend to be cool and mentally use it as an exercise to overcome his well-masked shyness. But deep down at the bottom of his soul, Matthew was fully aware he was awkward and weird. His hands were sweating, and he was not even looking at her. He was alone in his apartment, laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

- "Good, I'm good. What about you? How's your day off? "- (Y/N) giggled and took a look around, walking away from her coworkers and trying her best to find a private spot to talk with Gubler. She didn't want anyone to see her acting like she was thirteen, which was precisely how she was feeling. (Y/N) knew she was blushing and giggling nervously. But how couldn't she? The boy she had a massive crush on was calling her after their first date. There was no way she could be calm.

- "Good, I'm good. What about you? "- Matthew asked and closed his eyes, feeling stupid-" Sorry, I already asked that. What are you doing? am I interrupting something? "

- "No, I'm just working. Trying to work, actually. I was falling asleep on my desk when you called, so thank you for saving me from the embarrassment of crushing my head against the desk "- Matthew chuckled. (Y/N) sighed, remembering his face as he smiled at her the night before.

- "Damn! now I'm torn between being glad I saved you the embarrassment and disappointed I couldn't see you bumping your head against that desk! "

(Y/N) gasped, pretending to be shocked and upset.

- "I can't believe you just said that!"

- "I'm sorry! but let's be honest, that would have been fun!"

- "Not for me!"

- "(Y/N), are you ready for the meeting?"- the unknown voice made Gubler frown. (Y/N) answered something and sighed.

- "I guess you'll have a new chance, 'cos I've got a meeting in a moment, and I'm still so sleepy and tired I might end up smashing my head against the table after all. And it would be your fault, by the way."

- "My fault?!"- Gubler was shocked- "Why?"

- "You promised you would take me home at eleven, and as far as I remember, it was two in the morning when I reached my porch."

- "Hey! you said you were having fun!"- (Y/N) laughed, hearing Matthew's protest, and nodded her head, even when he couldn't see her.

- "I had a lot of fun! just that now I'm half asleep during work time."

- "Not my fault!"- Matthew shouted, and (Y/N) tried not to laugh and stay serious.

- "Technically, it's your fault."

- "Fine, I'll play guilty for your crime, (Y/N). But you owe me."

- "Me? why me?"

- "You sleep-deprived me too!!"

- "Why me, Gubler?"

- "You were the one who said, "one more cup of coffee, Gub." Remember?"- Matthew made his best impression of her, and (Y/N) laughed so hard, half the office turned to look at her.

- "And you never declined, even at one in the morning."

- "How could I!? You found my only weakness!"

- "You can't say no to coffee?"

- "No, I can't say no to you."

The silence in the line was long but not heavy. (Y/N) was blushing, flustered, not knowing what to say. So she just giggled. And Matthew held his breath as he heard her snickering.

- "(Y/N), come on! We are waiting for you,"- someone said, and the girl answered something Gubler couldn't understand.

- "Matthew, I have to go, but... we can talk later."

- "Sure, sure, go. Maybe we can have a coffee later, or dinner. Or maybe dinner and then have a coffee, I don't know. Whatever you pick will be fine with me".

Matthew Gray Gubler was rambling nervously, laying on his bed, looking at the ceiling, hoping she'd say yes.

- "Dinner and coffee sound nice."- (Y/N) whispered and bit her lips, trying not to giggle.

And just like that, finally, Matthew Gray Gubler had gotten himself a second date.

It shouldn't be so hard for him to get a girl. And technically, it wasn't. But Matthew didn't want to date girls for the night and then never hear from them again. He didn't want a fling, not with (Y/N). With her, he wanted the whole deal, and he knew it from the second he saw her talking with her friends across the room from him, at a party at his best friend's, a few weeks earlier.

Gubler wasn't looking for a girlfriend until he saw her. He didn't believe in "love at first sight." For him, that it was bullshit, crap people make up to justify being stupid and making silly decisions. But then came (Y/N). He heard her laughter first, and his eyes looked for her across the room. He felt how his heart stopped for a second when he found her, and he knew he had to meet her.

Yes, it was corny and cheesy, and if Gubler heard his friends talking about something like it, he would have laughed at them for hours. But no, it was happening to him. It was real, and he didn't know what to do or how to act. So he did what he did best: he improvised, hoping for the best.

The night he met her, they talked until six in the morning, and though they never said it out loud, neither of them wanted to end that conversation. (Y/N) was glad he had asked for her phone number, and for the next two weeks, they talked every day and texted most of the day. But Gubler couldn't see her or ask her out, 'cos he was forced to leave town to shoot an episode of Criminal Minds in Vancouver.

It hadn't been a bad thing, though, 'cos they really talked a lot those days he was out of town, and by the time he was back in Los Angeles, the first thing he had done was asking her out. They had coffee and then ice cream. Went to the movies. Had dinner and then more coffee as they walked around, talking like they had known each other their whole lives.

For Matthew, everything made sense. All the movie clichés made perfect sense.

.

- "Hey!"- (Y/N) smiled and waved at Matthew as she stood in front of him and stared at him, nearly holding her breath. She tried to understand why someone as gorgeous and funny as he was, wanted to go out with her, but she didn't have any logical answer to that.

Matthew smiled and waved, hesitating for a second before he leaned in and pecked her lips. It was their first date. It wasn't their first kiss. But they were both so nervous; they just giggled and smiled for the first couple of seconds.

- "Ready for dinner?"- he asked her and watched her nodding enthusiastically- "Good because I'm starving. I forgot to have lunch."

- "How do you forget to eat?"- but Matthew just shrugged and smiled- "Your stomach doesn't growl?"

- "I was too busy and didn't realize how hungry I was until it was almost time to leave, so I just grabbed a Snickers bar and drove here."

- "Well, then let's have dinner. You need some real food in that skinny body"- (Y/N) smiled and pointed her finger directly to his ribs.

- "I eat a lot."

- "A lot of junk food"- she argued and giggled as the two of them made their way to Matthew's car- "You need more veggies."

- "I eat my greens, thank you very much."

- "Green M&M's do not count as eating greens, Gubler."

- "That's pretty cynical coming from the girl who gave me a tray of home-baked cinnamon rolls last night."

- "How many of those did you eat today?"- Gubler had devoured ¾ of that tray during that morning.

- "Just one at breakfast"- he lied, opening the passenger's door for (Y/N).

- "You are a lousy liar, Gubler"- she chuckled and looked at him as he smiled and moved a little closer to her, landing his hands on her waist, making her shiver at the sensation.

- "Fine, I ate most of the rolls. But that's your fault."

- "Again? Everything is my fault according to you"- (Y/N) pouted, and Matthew twitched his nose as he leaned in and kissed her. It was their second date, and Matthew couldn't stop kissing her already.

- "You look too damn adorable when you do that."- (Y/N) whispered and sighed when the kiss was over.

- "When I do what?"

- "That thing with your nose."

- "It's a tic"- Gubler tucked a flick of her hair behind her ear and pecked her one more time.

- "You look like a bunny."- (Y/N) teased and started mimicking the nose twitch as she smiled, and Gubler laughed. He felt so warm inside his heart that he refused to think it was just their second official date.

- "You are the one forcing me to eat greens. You are the bunny."

- "That makes no sense, Bunny Gubler."- he chuckled and shook his head. He was having trouble keeping himself from kissing her the whole time.

- "You are the bunny, Bunny"- he repeated and twitched his nose again, making her giggle.

- "How come I am the bunny if you are the one with the adorable nose twitch?"

- "I don't know"- Gubler wrapped his arms around her and kissed her nose- "But you are cute like a bunny, and soft"- he whispered and caressed her cheek slowly as he spoke. (Y/N) stared into his eyes and didn't know what to say. So she just bit her lips and made her best not to blush.

- "Did you know a baby rabbit is called a kit, a female is called a doe, and a male is called a buck?"- Gubler had no idea where those words had come from. Still, apparently, he couldn't shut up when he was with her, even if that meant rambling about the most random facts he could think of.

- "Matthew, your Reid is showing."- (Y/N) quickly said, frowning, and Gubler burst out laughing right away.

- "Weird fact: when I start sounding like Reid is because I need to eat asap."

- "Let's get you fed before you start profiling me, then"- (Y/N) winked and got into the car. Gubler closed the door for her and jogged to the other side of the vehicle.

- "What do you feel like eating today, Bunny?"- he asked, and (Y/N) looked at him and raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh.

- "No, I'm not letting that one go, Bunny."

- "You are the one with the nose twitch!"- (Y/N) argued, again- "You are the Bunny!"

- "Nop"- Gubler smiled, pleased, and looked at her.

Do you know that feeling of home some people give you? It was the third time he was with her in the same room, and she already felt like home to him.

Matthew knew he couldn't say any of those things to his friends, or they would make fun of him for the rest of his life.

- "Then you are going to be Honey"- (Y/N) sentenced, somehow defeated- "That way we can be team Honey Bunny."

- "Team Honey Bunny?"- Gubler asked, confused- "Why?"

- "I don't know!"- (Y/N) nearly shouted, chuckling- "But I wanted to call you Bunny! I thought about it the whole freaking day! and you just stole it from me!"

That was way too much information. Way more than what (Y/N) wanted to give Matthew on their second date. But it was too late now. She had already snapped.

- "You thought about me the whole day?"

Matthew asked, and his voice was nearly a whisper inside the car. (Y/N) looked over the window for a second. They weren't moving from the parking lot. There wasn't much to see out there, but she felt if she looked at Gubler, she would confess she had a massive crush on him already. That crush was way too big if you consider it was just their second date.

(Y/N) was freaking out, scared of all the things she felt already. That shouldn't happen. She had to keep her head cold because Gubler was an actor, and who knew his true intentions with her? But deep inside, (Y/N) felt she could fall in love with him so fast it was scary. Terrifying, actually, because she couldn't stop her feelings, and each time (Y/N) looked at him, all she could think of was: "Happily ever after."

There was no way she was telling any of that to her friends, 'cos they would all make fun of her. It was corny, and cheesy, and complete nonsense.

Still, it felt real, and she didn't know how to explain it.

- "Maybe"- that was all (Y/N) could answer and bit her lips, still making her best not to look at Matthew.

- "I thought about you the whole day."- he confessed, and his eyes scanned her whole face. She was trying her best not to turn to him but failed. Those words had been too sweet and too sincere to overlook them. (Y/N) just turned to him and smiled.

- "Really?"- the young woman asked, as her cheeks turned all shades of pink.

- "I haven't stopped thinking about you ever since I first saw you at that party."- Gubler confessed- "And I know it's too soon, 'cos we've only known each other for a few weeks now, but would it be ok if I call you my "Bunny" from now on?"

The way Gubler even pouted when he was done talking made (Y/N)'s knees shake unconsciously. And it wasn't just that he wanted to call her Bunny that made her feel that way, but the fact he wanted to call her "his" Bunny.

She knew she wasn't his propriety, but damn, that question made her feel things she had never imagined feeling before.

- "I don't think I have a choice, do I?"- she answered, pretending to be upset- "But if you want me to be your Bunny, you are going to have to be my "honey" then."

The way those words made him feel was so good; Gubler was sure he was screwed. She was going to be the end of him, for better or worst.

- "Then it's settled, Bunny."- he said and stared at her with a goofy smile on his face. She blushed and shook her head, still trying to be the sensible person and failing spectacularly.

The next thing she felt was Matthew's hands on her face, cupping her cheeks sweetly. So gently and carefully, in fact, she felt worshipped by him. He stared into her eyes for a second before rubbing his lips against hers, giving her the most passionate and loving kiss she had ever received. It felt so good she felt embarrassed when a little whimper left her lips when she felt Matthew pulling away from her, slowly.

- "Wanna have dinner now, Bunny?"- Gubler asked her, his voice a whisper as his lips rubbed (Y/N)'s slowly. She just nodded and sighed as he smiled at her and kissed her one more time.

- "Ok, and what do you wanna eat tonight?"

- "It's your time to pick, honey. You are the one who didn't even have lunch today."

(Y/N) whispered and bit her lips. She was staring into his eyes as he spoke, and all she could see was adoration, which was exactly how she felt about him too.

- "Then I pick whatever my Bunny wants to eat."- Matthew murmured and kissed her again.

- "If I'm the Bunny, I'm picking anything with lots of veggies and vitamins for you."

- "On second thoughts, you are right. I should pick. I was thinking maybe some ice cream."

- "No, you need real food."- (Y/N) frowned as Gubler sat straight on his seat and started the car- "And then you can have some ice cream, and maybe some more cinnamon rolls tomorrow!"

- "You can't blackmail me with cinnamon rolls, Bunny"- Gubler turned to her and smiled, as she raised an eyebrow and simply replied.

- "Watch me, honey."

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Taglist: @all-tings-diego​ 

[gwynrielsupremacist]

TWISTER

suggested by: @imsointobooks

Read at AO3

Gwyn knew her friends were doing it on purpose.

She fucking knew it.

Gwyn, Nesta, and Emerie had been friends since they'd seen each other in preschool. Since then, no one thought of those three separately, they were a formidable trio.

Her companions knew that if they attacked one, you attacked all three.

They had decided to go to self defense classes because, honestly, the world sucks and you have to be prepared for anything.

And everything had gone great, they had signed up for classes. The problem was when they came to those classes and saw their coaches.

Damn.

Coaches weren't supposed to be that fucking good.

The first classes had gone well, they had been more destined to know each other than to anything else.

The problem was that it was impossible to try to pay attention to the exercises if your coach was that hot.

There were two of them, Cassian and Azriel.  Apparently, the two had been thrown out of theie house as soon as they turned 18, and the best they did was fight, so they started a self-defense class.

Gwyn thought she remembered being told they boxed.

Well, that explained how they could have so many muscles.

Nesta said they even had muscle in their muscles, which was greeted with a laugh from the three friends.

But Nesta was not wrong.

According to her, she and Cassian knew each other before, having met at a party and, according to Nesta, she was sure they had slept.

She didn't know when or where, but she was sure of it.

And they hadn't been slow to go back to bed.  Specifically, it had taken two months to get into each other's bed.

Gwyn didn't care about that, in fact, she liked Cassian, and loved that her friend was happy with him.

The problem was when she saw Azriel.

She was sure that Azriel was not interested in her.

But, Gwyn was interested in him.

And she was afraid of being friendzoned.

They were friends, talking to him almost daily, seeing each other four times a week for self-defense classes, and sometimes he even had invited her out to have a drink, but nothing more.

She had been that way for almost a year and a half.

And honestly, Gwyn couldn't take it anymore.

That day, she was assured that she was going to propose to Azriel. She might invite him for a drink, or she might ask Nesta and Emerie to help her have a moment alone with him.

They had stayed at Cassian's apartment, which had become Nesta's part-time house, since she spent more time there than at hers. The five of them had decided to have a party, with a lot of food, a lot of laughter, and a lot of alcohol.

And as much as her friends cheered her on, she knew that she wasn't going to make any progress with Azriel.

They flirted quite a bit, yes. In the relationship they had, flirting and bantering was never lacking.

But Gwyn didn't know if they were joking or if he was really interested in her.

Although, that man was never going to be interested in her.

Those were Gwyn's thoughts as she got ready in Nesta's rented house, alongside Emerie, who was putting on a good deal of mascara and lipgloss.

"In the end you go with Mor after being with the boys?" Nesta asked Emerie, while putting on tight black pants and a crop top, accentuating her full, round breasts. Emerie said no, searching in the wardrobe a dress she could wear that night.

She wished she had that body. She did not like her own, she seemed completely undesirable, with so many freckles, so few curves ...

"Gwyn, if you're thinking again that you don't like your body, I swear I'll hit you with the 24-centimeter heels." Nesta threatened, holding some gorgeous black party heels in her hand.

"Are you going to wear those? You'll fall in the middle of the sidewalk… ”Gwyn advised, putting on some blue eyeshadow, accentuating her teal eyes, the only aspect of her features that she loved.

"No, I'm going to take these to give you the hell out of you if you keep thinking you're not pretty."  Nesta protested, dropping her heels with a crash.  She heard Emerie curse when her eyeliner moved from the bump of her heels. Emerie shot Nesta a nasty look as she reached for some make-up remover wipes and brushed off the hideous part of the eyeliner.

Gwyn avoided answering, getting up from the chair she had been sitting in for at least 15 minutes to go to the closet, opening it with a huff when she saw that she had nothing to wear.

"Do you want me to lend you my miniskirt? I think I have one that is too small for me, it may take you..." Emerie proposed, smiling when she felt satisfied with her eyeliner.

Gwyn denied, rummaging through the hangers until she found baggy jeans and a white blouse that revealed much of her collarbones and the curve of her breasts.

Glad, she undressed in the middle of the room, looking for the strap to adjust the jeans.

"Today are you going to say something to Azriel or are we going to return to the same vicious circle of 'Hello, I like you very much and it is obvious that you like me too, but since we are both assholes, we don't realize it?'"

"He doesn't like me. Also, he didn't like one of the girls in our college class? What was that girl's name ...? " Gwyn thought aloud, not remembering the name of that lucky girl who had gotten the attention of the handsome Azriel.

"The day he eats your mouth we are going to pretend to be surprised." Emerie mused, picking up her purse and hanging it over her shoulder, adjusting her gold dress snugly, ready to step out of it.

Gwyn rolled her eyes, but a spark of hope began to glow inside her.

Maybe today was the day ...

Arriving at Cassian and Azriel's loft, they stood waiting in the entryway, the cool summer air cooling their already sweaty bodies.

Suddenly she heard passing, the door opening and coming out Cassian, in a T-shirt and jeans.

Smiling, he gave Nesta a tender kiss on her lips, and then smiled at the other two.

Emerie and Gwyn smiled back at him, but the latter was a lot busier looking for the other trainer.

Cassian grinned: "Looking for something, Gwynnie, or someone?"

Gwyn snorted grumpily: "Azriel wasn't coming?"

Cassian nodded, letting the three girls enter the loft to close the door to possible bugs on the street: “He's finishing his shower. We had a much longer boxing session than usual. "

Gwyn hummed, looking around the great house they had.

In sight was the living room, two immense sofas separated by a table, the television placed on the wall, televising some soccer game.

Suddenly, Gwyn heard a door open, and Azriel came out, flushed from the heat of the bathroom, already dressed in a T-shirt and sweatpants.

Making sure he didn't see her, she glanced over at him.

Hell, the shirt had stuck to his abs, giving her a very good view of what he had hidden there.

Gwyn shyly approached her coach, and when she was almost an inch from him, she gently touched his back, causing him to turn.

Az's face lit up at the sight of her: “Gwyn. I thought you weren't coming today."

Gwyn frowned, smiling: "Why wouldn't I come?"

Azriel led her into the living room, where Nesta, Cassian, and Emerie were already attacking the bowls of food that were on the head table to one side of the sofas.

“I thought Cassian had told me you had theater class. Apparently, I got it wrong. "

Gwyn nodded, almost drooling at how good all that food smelled and looked.

She grabbed an elongated bag with a foreign substance inside, and while she took a bite, she asked him, politely: "How are you doing your final college work?"

Azriel was a senior in veterinary college, and he had a final work to do on it.

Azriel sighed, earning a smile from Gwyn: “Fatal, I can't find any information anywhere and besides, I only have three weeks left to deliver it. Right now I should be upstairs, looking for information."

"I can help you find information, I am quite good at that aspect of doing work."

Azriel smiled at her, grateful, but she thought she saw, before he went to where his brother was, that the gaze had rested for a few seconds on her lips.

She quickly shook her head, dismissing that possibility. It must have been an optical effect. Yes, it must have been that.

She walked over to where everyone was, sitting next to Emerie and Cassian, Azriel finding himself in front of her.

"How are you doing your first year of university?"  Cassian asked, eating a slice of vegetable pizza.

Nesta looked at him in disgust, grabbing a slice of pizza with extra cheese and barbecue sauce: "That pizza should be off-limits."

Cassian looked at her, disappointed: “This good one! Taste it.” He asked, bringing it closer to Nesta's mouth.

Nesta chewed it, made a disgusted face, and took a good bite out of her portion, while she chewed, saying, “This is good. Not that vegetable crap.  Pizza is supposed to make you fat, not lose weight."

Emerie supported her, but decided to grab a burrito, passing one to Gwyn, which she gladly accepted.

And so it was for most of the night, talking and teasing each other, until the moment came when the food disappeared, leaving room for the bottles of alcohol.

Gwyn wasn't used to drink, so she got a shot of piña colada, one of the few licors she loved, while Nesta held a bottle of vodka caramel, which she shared with Emerie.

"We have to do something. It's still twelve o'clock and no one is sleepy, right? "

Everyone denied, even the black cat that had magically appeared in Azriel's arms.

Gwyn looked at him in shock, pointing, "Have you adopted a cat?"

Azriel nodded, stroking the feline: “He appeared at the veterinary clinic where I practice. They asked the students if anyone wanted to keep it and, well, I always wanted a pet so… I kept it. " He said, smiling.

Emerie asked to hold the cat, holding it carefully, while she stroked his head lovingly.

"Is beautiful. What's it called?"

"Black cat." Cassian replied, proud of himself, as he continued: “If I am going to allow a pet in my loft, at least it will be called what I want, so it is called 'Black cat'.

Gwyn looked at Azriel, confused and amused.

Azriel grinned, picking up the cat that Emerie offered him.

Gwyn looked at Nesta, discovering that she had disappeared at any moment.

She looked at Cassian, asking, "Where is Nesta?"

He looked up the stairs, frowning: "She said she was going to find a game to play together."

Gwyn made a sound of assent, suddenly watching her golden-brown hair flutter as she came down the stairs, a giant box in her arms.

Cassian cursed, leaping up to help her girlfriend get things down, while whispering something in Cassian's ear, both of them grinning mischievously.

The game couldn't be seen from that position, but she saw Azriel look dangerously at Cassian, who couldn't stop smirking.

When Nes put the box down, the name of the game came out.

Twister.

Emerie looked amused at her friend, while Gwyn glared at her.

Those two had ganged up on her.

Nesta took out the cloth from inside the box, as well as the little wheel with the different colors and positions in it.

Emerie got up, dragging Gwyn, whom she no longer found the game amusing.

“Emerie, Cassian, Gwyn and Azriel, you guys play. I'll be the one spinning the wheel. " She announced as she dropped the fabric to the floor, smoothing it out.

Gwyn glanced at Nesta, promising imminent death, but she did nothing but laugh, kindly asking Gwyn to stand in her place.

"Okay, whoever falls loses." Nesta warned, supervising everyone to get in their places.

Satisfied, she began spinning the roulette wheel.

"Cassian, right hand in red."

Cassian made a rather pathetic attempt to get to the red, deciding to go down when it was obvious he was failing at purpose.

"Cassian, disqualified!" Nesta yelled with a mischievous smile.

To which Cassian replied, shrugging his shoulders: "Wow, I'm really bad at these things." He mocked up, sitting next to his girlfriend.

Nesta turned the roulette wheel again.

"Emerie, right foot in yellow."

Emerie did.

"Gwyn. Left hand in red. " Gwyn could be pretty sure she hadn't moved the spinner, but she let her be, putting her hand up.

Cassian spun the wheel: "Az, right hand in green."

And so they continued, until Emerie lost, crashing down on top of Gwyn.

It was all laughter until Gwyn and Azriel were left alone.

And, although Gwyn thought she would be fucking uncomfortable, her instinct urged her to fight, she couldn't let that man win.

So she played, the flexibility helping her in many moments.

Until her winning instinct faded, realizing what position she and Azriel were in.

Gwyn had both hands extended, while her feet were together, but she had Azriel down, and she knew her breasts were fucking close to his face.

And the bastard laughed.

She looked at him, enraged and embarrassed.

She felt a wave of pleasure run through her body when he winked at her.

"Hiii, Earth calling Gwyn, left foot to green." Nesta mocked, grinning.

Getting into a much more comfortable posture, she moved, her lips forming a mocking smile, a good 12 inches away from Azriel.

"Azriel, right hand to yellow."

Azriel ran his hand from green to yellow, staying quite close to her left foot.

Looking defiantly at Azriel, she made the next four or five moves, she wasn't sure.

Of course, she couldn't be sure since Azriel, in some way she couldn't understand, was underneath her, while Gwyn was straddling his hips.

Azriel grinned, listening carefully to the next position.

"Azriel, right foot to blue."

He had smirked, while she tilted her head, not understanding what the hell had made to smile like that, until, when he was lifting his foot, he raised his pelvis minimally, making his crotch crash against the parts more intimate of her.

She almost felt faint as that prominent bulge passed through her core, teasing.

Looking at Azriel with a strong blush on her features, she heard Nesta's next command.

"Gwyn, left hand to red."

Gwyn swore she had heard a chuckle as she said that.

Fuck.

She couldn't believe that she had to put that fucking hand in that fucking color.

Stretching out as far as she could, she placed her hand on the blue panel, but she had a serious little problem with that position.

Now her breasts were, no doubt, practically on top of Azriel's face.

And, although Azriel wore a somewhat embarrassed grin, it was suppressed by the bright eyes of mockery and pleasure.

She knew her own eyes must be that way.

"Azriel, left hand to green." Emerie laughed.

Those little bastards were going to pay for it.

As soon as she took care of the overwhelming lust and pleasure she felt in those moments, her clit pulsing dangerously close to his cock, they'll pay for it.

Azriel waved his hand, and suddenly both mouths were less than an inch apart.

Their breaths were paralyzed at that very moment.

Damn, what lips the very asshole had.

They were red from having licked them so much during the night.

They seemed to share thoughts right then and there as Azriel lowered his gaze from her eyes to her lips, licking his slowly.

Her core tightened, noticing how her panties got soaked little by little.

Gwyn, feeling daring, lowered her eyes to his lips, biting her bottom lip.

What tension. She was using all of her damn self-control not to kiss him, at least not in front of all of them.

Gwyn frowned suddenly, suspicious of those three.

Turning quickly, she watched as Emerie ate popcorn from a bucket, while Nesta and Cassian appeared to be enjoying a romantic comedy.

Hint: the rom-com was Azriel and her.

In addition, the roulette that it decided where to put each person's hands and legs was nowhere to be found.

Realizing her terrible deception, she jumped up from Azriel's lap, pointing her finger at Nesta: "You little son of a bitch! You weren't using the roulette wheel!"

Laughing slightly, Emerie replied, "She hasn't used it since I've stopped playing." She scooped a bunch of popcorn into her mouth before handing the bucket to Nesta.

Gwyn stared at her incredulously, Nesta saying, smirking: I thought you'd find out sooner."

At the same time, she felt betrayed and grateful.

Well, she had discovered that Azriel wanted her. At least it was something.

She noticed how Azriel approached her silently, and she would have expected him to place beside her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as he normally did with her, or saying something to ease the sexual tension that had been there.

However, he got dangerously close to her earlobe, licking it with the tip of his tongue and then tugging at it, whispering seductively, "Are you ready for round 2?"

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