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solesommerso · 2 years

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╭➸・⊹ Noise 𖤐⋆｡˚⁺

|| poly!20 squad, tan/street centric

𖤐 summary ; sometimes quiet is worse than noise, thankfully Street has Tan there to escape the silence with

𖤐 notes ; @blathannabeaga totally forgot I had a whole draft of autistic street but omg this is so real to me

𖤐 warnings ; sensory issues, autistic!street, established relationship, a lot of talk of Nate, set before Nate dies

Street hates nights like this. The quiet ones, where all his partners seem so unbothered by the lack of noise, how they lay on the couch with the tv being the only buzz of anything. They don't get the same itch at the back of their neck like Street does.

It's to be expected when Street thinks about it. They did not grow up in the constant chaos of moving every month or so that Street did. He should rephrase a little, at the beginning he moved every month or so, but once he ran from that one particular foster house he ended up on his own.

Again, he should rephrase, him and Nate ended up on their own, homeless as some would put it. They'd sleep at motels and whatnot but mostly in old abandoned buildings, one warehouse in particular was Streets favorite, Nates too, they spent the most time there. Laying on the cold concrete flooring with a few blankets they snagged from stores when people weren't looking, textbooks and papers laid out in front of them as they tried to stay atop their schoolwork, Nates plethora of old cassettes stacked next to him, Streets bag of random tech to tinker with.

He misses that bag. And that floor, and Nate. He really misses Nate, who Street fought with before he joined swat, before he became part of this relationship, part of him wonders what’s happened for Nate since their fight. But Street doesn’t have to wonder about how Nate would feel this itch. He'd understand.

None of that matters right now, Street’s too busy pacing the kitchen of the house he shares with all his partners. Six of them in one house. Yet it's deafening to be in, the windows open help nothing, not even crickets chirping.

Street was a bit hesitant to move into this house in the first place, of course living with his partners would never be an issue, he was rather excited over that fact, it's just where this house is placed. A long outstretched driveway to give them as much privacy as possible, putting them far from the road, from the noise. Something Street craves deep in his bones, always has really, probably always will.

"Street?" Lucas voice takes him from his thoughts and pacing, he stops mid step; a habit formed back when Street was still living with Karen and Eddie, a way to distract himself of sorts.

"Would you stop pacing, you're stressing me out." The blonde laughs where he resides beside Chris but it still stings deep into Streets chest. He needs to do something, but, if Luca doesn't want them to pace....

"Hey baby, why don't you sit with us? Try to relax a bit?" Reluctantly Street sits beside Hondo, already ten times more uncomfortable, more need for movement and noise settling deeper into Streets bones. It feels like he's vibrating under his skin.

"Why do you look so stressed? What's wrong?" Hondos hand is heavy against Streets shoulder, it makes him squirm a bit, he doesn't want to be held down or stuck in one spot, he hates that feeling.

"It's just really quiet." It's unnerving that nobody else seems to feel the same way as they all furrow their brows to Street.

"We can turn the tv up for you." He subconsciously winces at the prompt, he doesn't like the tv that much, he got use to not watching one when him and Nate were sleeping around the streets.

"Not that type of noise." He needs something natural, real, not the staticky sound the tv produces while it plays some stupid baking show Luca likes.

"What other type of noise is there?" It's paired with a lighthearted chuckle, Street doesn't return it, he can't when he doesn't understand what's funny. There's plenty of other noises that aren't a tv being on? Even a video on his phone makes a different kind of sound.

"Like cars, or a train, or people on the streets, or dogs barking-." Good noise, he goes to say but stop, tv noise is obviously good to his partners so he won't ridicule that.

"So you can't relax because it's not loud enough?"

"Yes." It feels like this has been stated already in the conversation, though Street definitely understands the feeling of needing more clarification; he nods to Luca affirmatively.

"That doesn't make sense." Street furrows his brow slightly, it makes plenty sense.

"But it does." This could lead to an argument, he's keenly aware of this, it's not ideal but it's happened before, Tan says it's because Street has a 'one-track mind' whereas Luca jumps from topic to topic. He's not sure how true that is, Streets mind does jump around sometimes, he's just good at keeping on topic when speaking.

"No it doesn't, how can you need noise to relax? That like- defeats the purpose." Street turns to where Tan and Deacon sit, they're good at helping in these situations, Chris gets too involved of whichever side she agrees with and Hondo always says that his 'leader duties' end when shift does so he stays out of it.

"It's like listening to music to relax, you like the noise of it but you're still relaxed." Tan summarizes much better than Street would've, Victors always been good at that sort of thing Street supposes, he's a mediator of sorts.

"Whatever. We can't really make it more noisy here, sorry Street." He brings up a good point, Streets waiting on noise that won't come, he should just go somewhere he knows there'll be noise.

"Where are you going?" Hondo immediately stops Street with a gentle hand at his wrist, an action he’s become accustomed to and knows is meant with zero malicious intent, even if Street took it the wrong way at first.

"Somewhere louder." Long Beach seems like a far stretch when it's already hitting seven pm, there's a few good abandoned buildings in La, but he'll probably end up at the one by Bucks house he'd sneak off to when visiting the older man as a teenager.

"It's seven pm, the suns setting."

"Yes." The sky's turning that warm orange color it gets before sunset, Streets always liked how it looks, something so calming about watching the sky fade from color to color then finally a dark shade of navy.

"And you're just going to go wherever on your own?" He nods along even when Hondo huffs air through his nose, Street can't tell why, it is just nightfall? Street is trained to fight off whoever might try to mess with him, Hondo knows that, they all do.

"You're going to leave us here alone?" He goes to nod again but Tan motions his head, a tilt to it, trying to convey that nodding is not the correct answer.

"Would...you like to come?" It takes longer than it should for Street to come up with the question, he's usually better at reading into things more, not being so outwardly straightforward with his thinking. He's burnt out he thinks, that might be the word for it, too tired to really put energy into acting like everyone else.

"Yes, of course we do!" It is not 'of course' to Street, they never told him they'd want to come, Luca was just saying it was wrong, why would that be of course?

"Are you sure? You looked content here." It will be more difficult to get to the roof of the abandoned building with the six of them, they can call do it in no time flat, but it's still a lot of bodies to move. And they did look comfortable staying on the couch, as they normally do.

"We stay on the couch all the time, it'll be nice to change things up." Chris says brightly as she stands to go get her coat and shoes, the rest of the members following in her lead, it leaves Street to stand watching them.

He feels slightly nervous over this. He is technically breaking and entering, no matter how old or long the building has been abandoned; the team might be against something that is, well, in simple terms, illegal.

"It'll be okay, they can always go home if they want." Tan comes up to Streets side like he can read into his head.

"Right. Let's go."

The car ride is met with endless rambles between Luca and Chris, normal for the pair to do when driving, sat in the very back while Tan and Street occupy the front, Deacon and Hondo stuck in the middle row of the vans seating. Hondo usually drives with Deacon as his passenger, but Street is the only one that knew how to get there, and he wanted to be beside Tan.

"Where are we going?" They all pile out of the car in front of the abandoned building, it's shorter than Street remembers, but there's still all the noise he wants and the view from the roof is as breathtaking as ever.

"Up there." He climbs the chainlink fence easily, not bothering to look back aside from checking that Victors still beside him, which he is of course, moving in sync with Street.

Actually getting to the rooftop isn't hard. Street’s done it a million times, he knows the route of climbing up the brick wall like the back of his hand, placing his feet meticulously on the parts that stick out for leverage, making sure Tan is making it safely. It takes all of ten minutes for them to reach the edge of the roof.

"Do you think they're coming?" James doubts it, the rest of the team is still standing on the other side of the fence, all talking over each other, probably running through the pros and cons of following in Street and Tans lead.

"No. You can go back down with them if you don't like this." He offers but Victor shakes his head instantly, standing on the ledge before jumping to the center of the roof. It reminds Street of Nate, Tan is a lot like Nate at times, but especially right now.

"This is fun, beats sitting on the couch." Tan smiles over to Street as he makes his way to sit by Tans feet, he stands tall overlooking the town down below.

It's a pretty good view for downtown La. People move about, street lamps and store signs lighting up the roads, the sound of people chattering paired with traffic sounds bringing a ease to Streets chest. This is the noise he was looking for. It's familiar, soothing, let's him exhale deeply into the now turning night air, the humidity of the day hasn't died down enough for there to be a chill so it's still comfortable enough for Street to shrug his jacket off.

"I like it up here, you come here a lot?" Tan lays himself down next to Street once he flattens against the roof.

"Yes. A lot when I was younger, me and Nate would spend hours up here." Or buildings similar, anywhere with a roof and view really, all equally as calming.

"You've mentioned Nate before, he's your older brother right?" It's only ever been Victor that Streets shared any stories of Nate with, they almost all involve low grade illegal activities and while the others would never say anything outright, they'd silently judge it.

"Yes. I miss him." For some reason the words are quiet, Street didn't intend to whisper it, he hadn't even thought about his volume, he can't seem to place why he would be so quiet saying it. Of course he misses Nate, he's never doubted that, it's not a secret, yet the words are more of a breath than anything, if Tan wasn't so close he probably wouldn't be able to hear it.

"I'm sorry baby." Victor turns on his side, Street quickly mirrors him so they're facing.

"Yes, it is, is..." The word doesn't come out of his throat, it stays stuck like thick honey dripping from a spoon, unable to fully fall.

"Sad?" Tan fills in with curl of his lips, a contrite look in his eyes.

"Yes, sad." Something along the lines of pain twinges in Streets chest, grief maybe, but that seems absurd as Nate is not dead, nobody has shown up on Streets doorstep muttering those few nightmarish words saying his brother has passed, so Street has to assume Nate is okay.

"Nate would like tonight." Definitely. The cars whooshing by, the colorful lights around, the sky changing to a haze of purplish blue to signify nighttime, Nate would enjoy it all and probably talk nonstop about how gorgeous it all is.

"Do you like tonight?"

"Yes. I like laying up here with you, it's comfortable." He’s slept on enough floors throughout the years that the rooftop under them doesn't bother his back like it probably would Hondo or Chris.

"I like when you do that."

"Do what?" To Streets knowledge, tonight is like every other night aside from them coming here.

"When you talk without filtering yourself, you always seem more relaxed." Oh, Street knows his speech pattern can change depending on the situation or how much energy he has to 'mask' as some would say; but he never thought anyone had noticed it since he moved to La.

"You don't find it annoying?" A couple of people in Long Beach have commented about it bugging them that Street always talked so straightforward and choppy like.

"No, it's just you being you. I like it, feels natural."

"Thank you.” A warm smile comes to Streets face, he sighs contently before tipping his head til it meets the side of Tans, not fully laid against one another but touching. Just enough.

“Course baby.”

Victor doesn’t say anything after that. They both just lay there, listening to the cars and people, looking up as the sky switches from color to color before falling dark. Even then, neither move, they stay laying in the comfort of the night.

#writing #js #jim street #vt #victor tan #autistic!street #tan x street #poly!20 squad

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