#back 2 my gatekeeping era

[stargirled]

MINEEEEEEEE [HISS] [SNARL] [BARK]

[angeliclovebird]

girls tomorrow's my first day of 9th grade. im literally gonna die of nervousness. but! i got new clothes, so atleast imma look cute. also over the summer I perfected my makeup, so im abt to look STUNNING. but anyways im anxious. idk the building so im gonna have to wonder about with my schedule and a map. pray for me girlies 🙏

[huramuna]

beware the sapphire peak - chapter 2.

aemond targaryen x wife reader x alys rivers a period piece, set in 1902.

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wordcount: 4.8k

you're a young, american lady who is an aspiring author. you are wooed by a mysterious and charming savant from england. swept off your feet, you're whisked away to his family's ancient estate, Dragonstone Hall. but with all stories, secrets are hiding around every corner, and your suitor is no different. a crimson peak inspired mini series.

@huramuna-fics - follow & turn on notifications for just my fic postings! i don't do taglists right now, so sorry!

content: smut (specifics below cut), angst, gaslighting, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, alys in her girlboss gatekeep gaslight era, no use of y/n, afab reader, pre-established alysmond, this isn't going where you think it is(it might be), infidelity-ish, polyamory, mentions of infertility, murder, depictions of murder/violence

once upon a december - invadable harmony • reflections - toshifumi hinata

warnings: oral (f receiving), p in v, creampie, inappropriate use of high valyrian

As you passed through the threshold of the building, you looked upon the tapestries that lined the walls– they seemed to tell a story, a story of dragons, war, betrayal and succession. The woven tapestries were over eight feet tall, hanging from old iron nails that pinned them to the stone bulwark. Beyond those, were the beginnings of many, many portraits of Targaryens long passed. They were all otherworldly looking, your eyes glazing over at their perfectly captured features. 

Aemond’s gentle squeeze to your hand brought you back to reality, following the line of your gaze to the portraits. “Some people have said that Targaryens are closer to Gods than people,” he smirked, chuckling softly. “When we rode dragons and conquered land and sky, perhaps. But not now– we are merely mortals once again.”

“Ah, and here I thought I married an immortal being, what a pity.” you jested, your tongue poking in your cheek. 

“A pity indeed– luckily I snagged myself a Goddess, hm?” he whispered lowly, craning his head to nose at your jawline, planting little kisses upon your soft skin. He was so close to you, his scent all consuming in your nostrils as you drank in the feather light touch of his lips upon you. You were surprised that you’d made it into the building without the both of you making love on the floor like rutting animals, truly. 

The sound of heels clicking pulled you both from your stupor. As you turned around, you looked upon the woman that was in the window, the real one, atleast. She was tall, a few inches shorter than Aemond, but she still towered over you– they both did– her hair was pinned in a neat half-do, the slightly wavy tresses in a gorgeous, deep brown color, like freshly brewed coffee. Her eyes, a lively emerald green, blinked slowly as she looked you up and down, assessing you. She seemed to be more mature than you and Aemond, likely by fifteen or so years. The only indication of her age were the soft gleam of one or two errant gray hairs and the lines of her face, laugh lines, crow’s feet alike, were illuminated under the flickering light in the foyer. She wore a deep green dress, a similar shade to her eyes. “Lord Targaryen, Lady Targaryen,” she greeted, her voice deep and silky– it reminded you of the timbre of a wonderful cello you’d heard in an orchestra in New York City, instantly sending your heart aflutter. 

“My love, this is Alys Rivers. She is the estate’s governess,” Aemond introduced, one eye lingering upon Alys before returning to you. “She’s been with us for many years and is more than happy to help you get acquainted with the ins-and-outs of the Keep.” 

You suddenly remembered your manners, hand extended out to her. “Miss Rivers, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” you smiled, your hand enveloped by hers. It was a bit cold, but warmed up quickly within your own. 

“And you, my lady. I’m sure we will become fast friends.” Alys responded coolly, her mouth perking into a similar grin, her thumb lingering over the back of your hand for a bit longer than necessary as she squeezed it lightly before letting go

Certainly you didn’t imagine that? 

“It is good to see you again, Alys. I hope to not be away from the estate for so long again,” Aemond hummed, watching as you and the governess’ hands lingered with one another, then turning back to face you. “Shall we get settled in, my dear?” he asked. You knew exactly what he meant by settling in– and it would be the opposite of what you would be doing.

“It is good to have you back, Lord Targaryen. Let us hope you won’t need to leave again any time soon.” Alys gave a wry smile, regarding you both before curtsying and flittering away. 

Aemond led you up the stairs, up to the third floor, where the master bedroom lay. The hallways narrowed as you traversed the home, with Aemond pointing out a few of the key points of the estate to you on the way. Then, he stopped at a gilded pair of double doors, the handles were beautifully complex dragons carved from a deep brown and red cedar, their eyes fashioned from jewels. It was the height of opulence– edging on gaudiness for your taste, but you married into practical royalty, so you couldn’t complain.

Opening them, it revealed a large room decorated in black and green, with the occasional splash of red and gold. The walls were lined with towering bookshelves, cornered by a soft reading nook with two plush chairs. The bed was spacious, twice the size of the bed you had at home, which was a king size– you didn’t even know what to classify this size as. Monarch size? Dragon size? It was huge, that was all you knew, furnished in a soft red velvet sheet set. 

You walked to the bed, fingers glazing over the silken soft sheets. “This is… the softest thing I’ve ever felt in my life, my God.” you murmured, beginning to unbutton your outer coat and shed your layers. You wished to feel the plush silk on your bare skin.

“I hope it’s to your liking, love.” Aemond came up behind you, helping you shed your unsightly amount of layers until you were in your silken shift and undergarments. His hand began to wander, bunching up the fabric of your shift and pulling it upward, until he could rest his hand on your bare stomach.

The sensation of his warm hand on your stomach made you flutter slightly, pressing back against him. “Yes, I’d say it’s quite to my liking– though, I suppose we shall put it to the test, won’t we?” you teased, your arm coming up to caress his cheek.

As your hand touched his face, his hand rose up higher and higher, exploring further. His hand found solace atop your corseted brassiere, the tiniest growls of frustration escaping from his lips. His free hand began working double time to undo the series of laces. “You won’t be needing to wear these anymore, my love,” he grumbled, biting softly on your earlobe as he continued his race to undress you. “In fact, I’d like it if you didn’t wear anything at all.”

You giggled, shimmying out of the brassiere, to which he threw aside. “I’m sure that Miss Rivers would find that garish and uncouth, Aemond. I can come to a compromise, though,” you purred, switching around to where you were sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling him towards you by the hem of his shirt.

“A compromise,” he repeated, “And what sort of compromise would that be?” Aemond asked, kneeling down in front of you now.

“Perhaps I may not wear any undergarments at all under my clothes,” you whispered, craning your neck downward as you tilted his chin upward. “For easier access.”

The sound that came from Aemond could only be categorized as animalistic and primal, his lips melding with yours in a rising fervor. It was a clash of teeth and tongue, his hand pawing at your now freed breast, thumb and forefinger pinching your nipple– eliciting a surprised gasp from you. You’d never been touched in such a way and the little spark of pain that went through you mingled with your pleasure. You liked it, conveying this to your husband by increasing the fever pitch of your kisses, mouth parted as your tongues danced together in the most lascivious of ways, as if you were trying to eat one another alive. 

“What did I do,” he breathed between your assaults on each other’s mouths. “To deserve such a beautiful wife, hm?” his hand had become permanently rested on your breast, rubbing your stiffened nipple like he was trying to elicit every moan possible from you from just this alone. “A beautiful wife who makes all of the most beautiful little noises?” 

You were rendered speechless, your response coming out only as a whine as he pushed you back on the bed, pulling your underwear down. He made a noise of satisfaction at what he saw, seemingly pleased with how you looked, his hand grazing through your wisps of pubic hair before parting your soaked folds. You stared down at him beneath half-lidded eyes, your body heat emanating from you like a furnace, the heights of your cheeks red with pleasure. 

Aemond was continually spurred on by your state of being, like you were clay within his hands, and he was the sculptor. He nudged your legs open more, his fingers spreading you open. You whimpered as the cold air hit your core, but it was immediately replaced by a warm heat– his breath fanning over you. 

“Please,” was all that could come out of your mouth as you looked at him. 

His pupil was blown wide, the blue usually there eclipsed by black as he dragged his tongue over your folds, testing your taste. Humming in contentment with the taste, he went back in for another, lapping over your wet sex, the cleft of his nose rubbing against your clit. You fought the urge to close your legs out of instinct, feeling a warm sensation barrelling toward you as if you needed to relieve yourself. Your eyes were more open now in a slight panic at the feeling, but Aemond just grinned, keeping up his pace and even quickening it.

You grasped at his hair, the white-blonde strands fisted in your hand as you moaned broken strings of his name as your first orgasm washed over you, and in turn, him. You felt a rush of wetness come from your body, which was now glistening upon Aemond’s maw, his mouth still twisted into a smile, like he had just had the greatest meal of his life. He came up between your legs again, unbuckling his belt and discarding his trousers and undergarments without much ceremony– you both didn’t have time for it now, especially when you could see the weeping need coming from him, dripping at the tip of his cock. 

His lips found yours again, and you could taste yourself on his tongue. You didn’t consider yourself a sexual woman really, but God, if this wasn’t the epitome of eroticism– you wanted this moment seared into your brain like a brand. 

“I’ll go slow, love,” he breathed, lips barely parted from yours. “Let me know if it’s too much.”

You nodded in affirmation, not capable of forming words at the moment. You hope you'll become more adept at dirty talk, just seeing how one ‘Please’ spurred your husband into action like a horse at a derby. You felt the head of his cock swipe against your soaked core, then slowly easing in. The stretch alone, the flame of pain that was just there, right on the precipice, ignited that familiar feeling within you once more. It was goddamn delicious, the feeling of being full, full of your husband– the thought made your eyes roll back in your head for a moment as he buried himself to the hilt.

The cherry on top, however, was when you finally got a glimpse of Aemond’s face– both of his eyes were closed, mouth slightly agape, hair strewn mess. He was concentrating so intensely on not bursting inside of you within seconds, as your tightness squeezed him like a vice. “Fuck,” he grunted, his use of foul language sending shocks of pleasure throughout your extremities. “You’re so tight– Christ above.” Aemond began to move then, thrusting back and forth, just to focus his mind on the motions and not to bust a moment in. He murmured praises in your ear, some in English and some in another language you didn’t understand, but it was primal and ancient, you could tell just by how he sounded out the words, and it was no doubt something dirty and more than likely downright feral. “Issa gevie ābrazȳrys, sīr ȳrda, sīr vok. Ry ñuhon, ry ñuhon.” My beautiful wife, so tight, so perfect. All mine, all mine.

Judging by how he pounded into you, the sound of flesh against flesh filling the room, coupled with your cacophony of whines and moans, he was close, chasing his high. His pace hastened and your legs fastened around his midsection to keep him as close as possible– a reaction your body made on its own, seemingly. 

A sequence of unintelligible curses and erotic sweet-nothings came from his mouth as he gave one final push– a low, reverberating grunt coming from the depths of his chest as he stilled, spending inside of you. His lips smeared against your neck, nothing coming from his mouth but hefty pants.

You both caught your breaths and he softened inside of you, then cleaned you both up after– you would’ve helped as well, but your legs were jelly, and simply refused to pick you up from the bed. Aemond was more than happy to pick you up and tuck you under the covers, holding you close to him, as if you might fly away during the night. 

You dreamed of dark hallways and pale visages looking upon you– you woke up several times during the night, seeing pairs of eyes staring at you, pity in their ghastly gaze. You would fall back asleep and think nothing of it.

–

“Looking at something, dearest?” Aemond hummed, his thumb parting another page further into the book he was reading, the room illuminated in candlelight. It had been a whole fortnight since you moved into the estate– you had been able to sit down and write even more, and Aemond had helped you send off your manuscript to a reputable publisher in London, who was a family friend of the Targaryens. You began your second novel, which was inspired by Dragonstone Hall and the odd dreams you’d had as of late, laden with peering eyes and ghostly figures.

You were perched on the window seat, the silk of your nightgown clinging to you like a second skin. Moving forward, you looked down upon the courtyard and beyond, seeing the moonlit horizon painting the sea, waves ebbing and flowing like beautiful clockwork. Glancing over your shoulder to your husband, his usual harsh features softened by the gentle flicker of the bee’s wax candles. A smile crept on your lips, which in turn, caused his own to upturn into a returning grin. “Just enjoying the view of the sea.”

“‘Tis dark, my love,” he closed the book, setting it aside. “Are you an owl and I did not know it? Seeing in the dark?” he got up from his position on the bed, making his way to you.

“Perhaps I am an owl,” you giggled, “But the moon and sky are especially clear tonight– a perfect view.”

He perched his chin upon your shoulder, looking out of the window with you. “A clear sky. That must be a good omen, hm? Alys has told me that it was storming constantly while I was gone.”

“A good omen indeed,” you purred, nuzzling your nose into his neck. Out of the corner of your eye, looking down into the courtyard, you could’ve sworn you saw two men, ghastly white, walking upon the green. But when you turned your head to get another look, Aemond enveloped your lips into a kiss, pulling you back towards him, and back towards your bed. You didn’t get another glimpse at the courtyard until it was cloudy and dark once again.

No one was there.

–

“Oh, hello, Miss Rivers,” you murmur softly, your voice still hoarse with sleep. You brush a few errant curls away from your face as you go to pour yourself a cup of tea, bare feet padding upon the tiled kitchen floor. “Good morning.”

“Just Alys is fine, dear,” she smiles, her emerald eyes shining clearly– she must’ve already been wide awake for a few hours. “Please, let me.” Alys sits up from her chair, moving near you and pouring water from the kettle into your cup before you could even grab it.

You glance up at her– she was much taller than you, like Aemond– a feeling of embarrassment coming over you. “Oh– thank you,” you manage to muster, “But it… it isn’t necessary, Mis– Alys.”

The older woman looks at you with an expression of curiosity, you had said something truly novel. “Ah. You aren’t like the others, then. Good.” she smiled, the sides of her mouth crinkling. Something about it made your heart skip a beat– what was going on?

“The others?” you asked, stirring your cup which was now steeping with a fruity, floral tea bag. You scooped a heap of sticky honey from a reserve of it on the counter, preferring your tea extra sweet. 

Alys watched as you stirred in the thick substance, before lifting her eyes to you. “The other– former– denizens of the estate, my lady. Lord Targaryen’s other family. Excellent employers, but they always asked for me to do things beyond my job description. Pour tea, serve lunch, draw baths." She took a seat then at the small kitchen table, but not before grabbing the entire jar of honey, putting it in the middle. 

You took a seat across from her. “As a… governess, your job is to care for and educate children, correct?” you crossed one leg over the other, leaning back against the wooden backing of the chair, which was carved with intricate depictions of dragons and swords.

“Correct, my lady. Sometimes the estate was bereft of children, thus no one to care for or teach. Between you and I, sometimes the adults acted as overgrown children, demanding and grabby,” she spooned honey into her own cup, which was a dark, swirling liquid you couldn’t quite identify. “As it is now– but more so. You, Lord Targaryen, and I are the only denizens of the Keep.”

You coughed slightly as you heard her. The only ones? There were only three of you at this massive estate– and… what of the faces you saw when you arrived? The men you saw out in the courtyard just the eve before? You placed down your cup with a shaky hand. “P-pardon me,” you sputtered, hitting a hand upon your chest to try and catch your breath. “We are the only ones?” you looked at Alys with wide eyes.

“Yes, my dear. But this building is centuries upon centuries old, you know. Do you believe in ghosts, Lady Targaryen?”

You perked up at the notion, the part of your brain that loved the macabre and weird firing off on all cylinders. “Oh, yes! They interest me quite greatly.”

Alys gave a lopsided smile, her brows perked as if surprised by your reaction. “I didn’t expect such… an enthusiastic response, my lady. Most women are afraid of such ghastly notions.” she leaned forward, propping her chin on her open palm. “The estate is haunted, you know, by centuries of Targaryens past and then some.” 

“Oh, you must tell me their names and stories,” you leaned forward in turn, mimicking her interest in the conversation and then some, fully enraptured by the tales of tragedy, of love long lost, betrayal and beyond. 

The two of you ended up talking at the table for hours, until the sun was high in the sky to indicate noon– you only parted with her when Aemond had come into the kitchen to request your presence in the gardens. He was quite amused that you and Alys had melded together so quickly– he quoted you as ‘two barn owls, flitting feathers in the rafters and sharing stories over a juicy mouse’. 

It made you giggle.

–

From that day on, your days started and ended much the same. You would be excited, giddy, like a kid on Christmas morn, to go down and talk to Alys. You didn’t quite understand why you were so excited to be around her, why she enraptured you so– it felt good to entertain her and make her laugh, much in the same vein as you felt doing similar for Aemond.

You admired her, in a way, she was such a strong woman, yet unmarried and without children. But she cited that she didn’t need them, the husband at least. She had confessed to you that she had been married before, long ago in her youth. ‘Young, dumb and in love’, she had explained it– only to find out that she was unable to have children. Your heart clenched as she told her story, how she desperately wanted children of her own and went into governess work to have some semblance of it. 

In turn, you opened your heart to Alys, confiding about your mother and the struggles with losing her at such a young age. You cried and embraced her, to which she returned wholeheartedly– but she didn’t cry.

Your nights would come to a close within Aemond’s grasp, whether upon the bed, prostrated on his desk, or in the reading nook. ‘Twas a dreamy life for you.

You woke on a particularly dreary morning, over three months after your marriage, the downpour of sodden English weather clouding the skies and dampening the moods of everyone involved. Lightning struck, thunder rumbling the ground thoroughly and without mercy. When you stepped out of your bedroom, Aemond was still asleep– he had worked through the night on a massive proposal to the Lord of the next town over, working out some trade routes to have fresh fruit brought up to the estate in exchange for the homegrown honey.

Your bare feet padded on the wooden floors, they were cold and the air felt… thick and slightly electrified. It sent your head into a tizzy as you grabbed the metal knob of the washroom door, feeling a sparking jolt go through you. It shocked you! Rattled, but undeterred, you put your hand on the knob again and attempted to open it, only to be met with another tremor of electricity, stinging the palm of your hand. 

“Come on,” you groaned in frustration, practically crossing your legs by how badly you needed to relieve yourself. Electroshock therapy be damned, you wouldn’t be shut out of the privy any longer. You pressed your shoulder to the door, twisting the knob as it continually pestered you with numbing sparks, then gave the door a firm push– it gave away, opening and sending you sprawling to the floor at a high velocity. You landed on your knees, face inches away from the lip of the tub; you cringed as you imagined the sight of your face smashed to a jelly, bleeding out upon the floor. Small mercies. 

Pulling yourself up, you glanced over the bathtub, using it as leverage to get up. Upon looking into it, you saw something you never expected to– a woman, nude and red haired with translucent skin was curled in the bath in a fetal position, her throat slashed and bleeding red rivulets, blending into the small droplets of water that lined the tub. You were too surprised to scream, pushing yourself back from the tub and once again sprawling to the floor, mouth agape. 

You were going insane– surely…

Your heart was in your throat as you eased up, glancing back into the tub. The woman was gone, the porcelain lining of the tub clean as could be. 

Mayhaps Alys’ ghost stories had gotten to you, more than you thought? 

Turning around to finally use the privy, you were in awe that you didn’t piss yourself, you sat down on the toilet, your head in your hands as you emptied your overly full bladder. It was silent, save for the sound of the rain pattering against the stained glass window pane, the distant rumble of thunder and… heavy breathing. You stopped your own breaths– the sound consisted. It was right in front of you. 

With shaky hands slowly moving away from your eyes, you looked upon who was in front of you. It was the woman you saw in the bathtub– her neck still bleeding, her eyes wide and bloodshot, her face stained with tears and blood. Her chest rose and fell heavily with her ghastly breaths as she stared right at you. Her jaw was broken, mouth off kilter as it was agape with her labored puffs, teeth askew and rotted. You still felt like you weren’t breathing, your heart pattering like a hummingbird in your chest, about to explode.

“Who. Are. You.” she asked, voice far away and broken, like a whisper on the wind.

“L-Lady Targaryen,” you responded, your head pounding in sync with your heart– you felt like you were about to pass out.

The woman looked at you, her already wide eyes widening beyond the point they should even be able to, the sclera eclipsed in pure red, tinging on inky black ichor. Her hand, gaunt and bony, raised to you, her pointer finger pointing at you, inches away. “You,” she hissed. “You. Won’t leave this place. You. Will die. And stay here. Bones and all. Sinew and muscle, pulled from flesh.”

“W-who are you? How can I help you?” you whispered frantically, your entire body shaking. 

Her mouth twisted into a sickly smile. “You. Cannot help. For I– am you. Lady Targaryen. One. Of many.”

You blinked, eyes roving to think of something to respond– but when you looked up, she was gone. The air was normal and the storm outside had quelled. It was as if nothing had happened. You sat still on the toilet, eyes open until they started to burn. 

What just happened? Are you truly going mad?

You rushed downstairs after, almost tripping and falling at least twice along the way. You rushed to find Alys, who you hoped would quell your mind like the storm had been. 

“Alys,” you croaked, flying into the kitchen like a bat out of hell. “Alys, Alys,” you blubbered, you weren’t sure when you started crying. 

She was sitting at the table, up in an instant. “My dear, my dear, what’s happened? Are you alright?” she crooned, arms around you instantly. 

“I-I… please, promise you won’t think I’m mad–” 

“We are all mad in some ways, dearest. You can tell me anything.” she hummed, sitting you down on your chair and fixing your tea for you, bringing over the fresh honey, the comb still attached. 

“T-there was a woman,” you breathed, your finger slicing across your neck to indicate where her bleeding wound had been. “S-she… she… she said I’m going to die?” you took your tea with a shaky hand, sipping, but it didn’t help calm you. “I-I’m a horror author, I shouldn’t be scared of this sort of thing, Alys! What is wrong with me? I’m going mad.”

“Shh, shh, dove,” she instructed, pulling her chair around the table to sit close to you, arm still around you. “Just breathe– did you get enough sleep last night?”

“Y-yes– I.. I think so,” you murmured, hands still shaking.

Alys took your hand in hers, the other going to spoon some honey from the bowl. She roved small smoothing circles over the back of your palm. “You must get more rest, dearest. I’ll make you a tea tonight, it will help,” she whispered, her mouth close to your ear as she guided the spoon of honey, comb and all, towards your mouth. “Open.”

You had to chalk it up to the storm, the nightmare or whatever you could categorize your encounter with the ghostly woman as, but you recused yourself into Alys’ touch, eyes trained taut upon her as you opened your mouth. She spooned the honey onto your tongue, pulling the utensil away with a sticky trail of saliva and honey– to which she proceeded to lick off. 

Your head was swirling– you had admired Alys and thought her beautiful from the moment you saw her and you always liked women. You thought them soft and warm and could fill a certain void within you left by the death of your mother– but you had never… thought of a woman in a romantic light, surely? Your heart skipped a beat as you were so close to her, mouth parted. You could smell her light perfume, a lovely scent of vanilla and floral notes. 

The same feeling of elation that you felt when Aemond caressed you, kissed you, whispered sweet nothings to you was prominent in the pit of your stomach. You could count the speckles of light hazel in her emerald eyes from your close proximity. It was unsure who closed the gap first– but your lips melded to Alys’, tasting the sweet honey on her mouth, swiping your tongue across them to gather the syrupy nectar. Her hand caressed the back of your neck so tenderly as you pressed closer together, mouths parting to envelop each other’s tongues until the tastes of both of you were one in the same– saccharine, cloying, sticky sugar.

You had forgotten who you were or where you were, only enjoying the moment with Alys, when you heard the rumble of thunder off in the distance, it broke you from your union. Panic washed over you, your face going beet red. 

What had you done? 

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Enshitternet

Going to Burning Man? Catch me on Tuesday at 2:40pm on the Center Camp Stage for a talk about enshittification and how to reverse it; on Wednesday at noon, I'm hosting Dr Patrick Ball at Liminal Labs (6:15/F) for a talk on using statistics to prove high-level culpability in the recruitment of child soldiers.

On September 6 at 7pm, I'll be hosting Naomi Klein at the LA Public Library for the launch of Doppelganger.

On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

This week on my podcast, I read "Enshitternet: The old, good internet deserves a new, good internet," my recent Medium column about building a better internet:

https://doctorow.medium.com/enshitternet-c1d4252e5c6b

As John @hodgman is fond of reminding us, "nostalgia is a toxic impulse." It is easy for an old net.hand like me to fall into the trap of shaking his fist at the cloud. Having been on the other side of that dynamic, I can tell you it's no fun.

When I got on BBSes in the early 1980s, there was an omnipresent chorus of grumps insisting that the move from honest acoustic couplers to decadent modems was the end of the Golden Age of telecommunications:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_coupler

When I got on Usenet shortly thereafter, the Unix Greybeard set never passed up an opportunity to tell us newcomers that the Fidonet-Usenet bridge allowed the barbarian hordes to overwhelm their Athenian marketplace of ideas:

https://technicshistory.com/2020/06/25/the-era-of-fragmentation-part-4-the-anarchists/

When I joined The WELL in the late 1980s, I was repeatedly assured that the good times were over, and that we would never see their like again:

https://www.well.com/

Now that I'm 52, I've learned to recognize this dynamic, from the Eternal September:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_September

to the moral panic over menuing systems replacing CLIs:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/02/gopher-when-adversarial-interoperability-burrowed-under-gatekeepers-fortresses

to the culture wars over what would happen when the net got a normie-friendly GUI:

https://www.dejavu.org/1993win.htm

And yeah, I've done it too, explaining "Why I won’t buy an iPad (and think you shouldn’t, either)":

https://memex.craphound.com/2010/04/01/why-i-wont-buy-an-ipad-and-think-you-shouldnt-either/

But there's a key difference between my own warnings about the enshittification that new "user friendly" technologies would engender and all those other AARP members' complaints: they were wrong, and I was right.

As Tom Eastman reminded us, the internet really was better, back before it became "five giant websites filled with screenshots of text of the other four":

https://twitter.com/tveastman/status/1069674780826071040

The underlying pathology of that enshittification wasn't the UI, or whether it involved an app store. As the Luddites knew, the important thing about a technology isn't what it does, but who it does it for and who it does it to:

https://locusmag.com/2022/01/cory-doctorow-science-fiction-is-a-luddite-literature/

The problem wasn't which technology we used. There is nothing inherent about touchscreens that makes them into prisons that trap users, rather than walled gardens that protect them.

Likewise, the problem wasn't who made that technology. We didn't swap wise UUCP Monks for venal tech bros. The early tech world was full of public-spirited sysops, but it was also full of would-be monopolists who tried – and failed – to get us to "stop talking to each other and start buying things":

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/stop-talking-to-each-other-and-start

If it wasn't the technology that killed the old, good internet, and if it wasn't the people who killed the old, good internet, where did the enshitternet come from?

It wasn't the wrong tech, it wasn't the wrong people: it was the wrong rules. After all, the Apple ][+ went on sale the year Ronald Reagan hit the campaign trail. Consumer tech was the first industry born after antitrust was dismantled, and it created the modern monopoly playbook: buying and merging with competitors. The resulting unity of purpose and anticompetitive profit margins allowed tech to capture its regulators and secure favorable court and legislative outcomes.

The simultaneous drawdown of antitrust enforcement and growth of tech meant that tech's long-standing cycle of renewal was ended. Tech companies that owed their existence to their ability to reverse-engineer incumbent companies' products and make interoperable replacements and add-ons were able to ban anyone else from doing unto them as they did unto the giants that came before them:

https://doctorow.medium.com/let-the-platforms-burn-6fb3e6c0d980

The pirates became admirals, and set about creating a "felony contempt of business model":

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/03/painful-burning-dribble/#law-of-intended-consequences

They changed the rules to ensure that they could "disrupt" anyone they chose, but could themselves mobilize the full might of the US government to prevent anyone from disrupting them:

https://locusmag.com/2019/01/cory-doctorow-disruption-for-thee-but-not-for-me/

The old, good internet was the internet we we able to make while tech was still realizing the new anticompetitive powers it had at its disposal, and it disappeared because every administration, R and D, from Reagan to Trump, yanked more and more Jenga blocks out of the antitrust tower.

In other words: the old, good internet was always doomed, because it was being frantically built in an ever-contracting zone of freedom to tinker, where technologies could be operated by and for the people who used them.

Today, the Biden administration has ushered in a new era of antitrust renewal, planting the seeds of a disenshittification movement that will tame corporate power rather than nurturing it:

https://www.eff.org/de/deeplinks/2021/08/party-its-1979-og-antitrust-back-baby

In other words, we are living in the first days of a better nation.

In other words, rather than restoring the old, good internet, we should build a new, good internet.

What is a new, good internet? It's an internet where it's legal to:

reverse-engineer the products and services you use, to add interoperability to them so you can leave a social network without leaving your friends:

https://www.eff.org/interoperablefacebook

jailbreak devices to remove antifeatures, like surveillance, ink-locking, or repair-blocking:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/17/have-you-tried-not-spying/#coppa

move your media files and apps from any platform to any device or service, even if the company that sold them to you objects:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/09/07/audible-exclusive/#audiblegate

A new, good internet gives powers to users, and takes power away from corporations:

https://doctorow.medium.com/twiddler-1b5c9690cce6

On a new, good internet, companies can't practice algorithmic wage discrimination:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

They can't turn search into an auction between companies that match your query and companies that want to sell you fakes and knockoffs:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/28/enshittification/#relentless-payola

They can't charge rent to the people whose feeds you asked to read for the privilege of reaching you:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

In fact, a new, good internet is one where we euthanize rentiers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

On the new good internet, your boss can't use bossware to turn "work from home" into "live at work":

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/24/gwb-rumsfeld-monsters/#bossware

And on top of that, you have the right to hack that bossware to undetectably disable it (and hackers have the right to sell or give you that hack):

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/tech-rights-are-workers-rights-doordash-edition

On the new, good internet, we stop pretending that tech is stealing content from news companies, and focus on how tech steals money from the news, with app taxes, rigged ad markets, surveillance ads, and payola:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/04/saving-news-big-tech

The new, good internet is an internet where we seize the means of computation. It's an internet operated by and for the people who use it.

Hodgman is right. Nostalgia is a toxic impulse. The point of making a new, good internet isn't to revive the old, good internet. There were plenty of problems with the old, good internet. The point is to make a new, good internet that is the worthy successor to the old, good internet – and to consign the enshitternet to the scrapheap of history, an unfortunate transitional stage between one good internet and another.

Here's a link to the podcast episode:

https://craphound.com/news/2023/08/21/enshitternet-the-old-good-internet-deserves-a-new-good-internet/

and here's a direct link to the MP3 (hosting courtesy of the Internet Archive; they'll host your stuff for free, forever):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_448/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_448_-_Enshitternet.mp3

and here's a link to my podcast's RSS feed:

https://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/22/the-new-good-internet/#the-old-good-internet

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[cathalbravecog]

Hi! I'm kinda shy but I love your vintage finish on your work. Would you consider offering pointers for how to achieve that vibe?

oh, absolutely!! i love that sort of style and i think more people should be able to achieve it if they want!! shouldn't gatekeep art stuff ^^ i don't really do vintage style stuff a lot, and i take more comic book/print/retro inspo than anything. but, these go hand in hand!! please know i am still learning, too! this is just how i do it.

also, there's a lot of guides for this online and tools... that you have to purchase. i can assure you everything listed here is free! (including my pirated SAI2 copy!) some things have donations available towards the artists that made them, so you can do that if you want to support an artist :D

i'll go over basically everything i know, so this WILL get long! i also spent hours going over several days searching for resources, so i'll list everything so you don't have to ^^

(PART 1/2 BECAUSE OF IMAGE LIMITATIONS!!! PART 2 SHOULD BE WRITTEN SOON AFTER THIS ONE!! reblog THAT once it's done!)

-------------------------------------------------------------

THE ART ITSELF / INSPIRATIONS:

for the ARTSTYLE and WHAT you draw: you can just draw whatever!! really, do your own thing! twist this style in your own way, it doesn't have to be a 100% accurate!! i literally used these same vintage look effects in a drawing drawn in my usual style of high roller. you can draw anything you want and you don't need to copy comicbook styles or all that!!

or - you CAN take inspo from vintage comic books / artwork or other printed comics! (for me tom and jerry comes to mind as something with a toony style, since it's what i read as a kid. also donald duck comics! no need to follow this but if you wanna be extra you can! ^^ looking at inspo is good.)

however you will need to look at examples aside from just the Artstyle, to achieve the actual Look!!

here's some examples pics i took of some comics i own laying around in a shelf. these are mixed ages, the asterix and ducktales comics being older and the tom and jerry comic being newer. i have some oldies since i got them passed down! czech text + asterix jumpscare, sorry.

to move on from the artstyle talk fully and more to the general style/look part - notice how the tom and jerry has brighter colors, less dirt, and an overall better quality!!

one thing i want you to note, in older prints there's obvious color misprinting and imperfections! you may chose to do this, or don't! depends what kind of era or printing you wanna reference. of course, also keep in mind the veeery limited CYMK colors they had Back In The Day. also note the dirt!!! how some parts are lighter and more chipped and how it isn't a full block of color!!

a lot of this does parrot posessedpasm's own guide, which i HIGHLY recommend! it's where i got a jump-start on things. there's other things listed on their post, which you should give a read! goes over history of some things that will let you have a better understanding of stuff.

speaking of inspo and on the topic of posessedpasm, before we move on - they're one of my biggest inspirations for this! their art is incredible and i think it's important to look at other artists' take on these styles. go out there and look at other artists who draw in a similar style achieving the same retro look!!! (no but genuinely i could look at posessedpasm's art forever... i love just looking at it and studying it!! i want what they have... but i'm not gonna gush now!)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

ACTUAL TECHNICALITIES / HOW THE FUCK DO I DO IT ???:

FIRST, LINEART!!: i choose a brush that's somewhat fluttery and resembles ink at least a little bit, instead of a basic round brush. here's the brush i used, for any sai2 users. i'll show my krita faves after!!

(note brush size, gets fuzzier the bigger it is)

and the krita alternatives! i don't do inking / lineart in krita in 99.9% of my art unless i'm experimenting. but there's some great brushes you can find online to use! here's links to the ones on screen

tomb of null

buck a. brush

ramonm inktober (he just presents it but since it's his post i named it that) (download link is on the video!)

that alone already gets the lineart look just a bit. but it's not all! krita is especially useful for this, as sai doesn't have this function. (but i find my way around it

here's a WIP screenshot i took while drawing that piece VS the final piece!

you may notice the lineart is "chipped" away in some spots. printing always wasn't perfect and created some imperfections, that may smudge and chip away as time goes on.

HERE'S A GUIDE FOR IMITATING THAT!!!!

what i do, is simply create a clipping layer on the lineart. (typically i do the lineart, then color, THEN do lineart effects, but this is just for show) (i also usually have a set, typically orange/yellow background color picked already, but i haven't done that here for Whatever Reason)

set it to "erase" layer mode... (and click the little "a" to actually clip it to the layer. you could also just make a quick clipping group that does it for you!)

and draw over the lineart! (preferably with a highly textured "dirty" brush!) the erase clipping layer will only erase the lineart, and nothing underneath it. you can change the opacity up and down to adjust the erasing... you can add more erase layers to play with the effect a little!

what i then do (sometimes), i ctrl+e the lineart group to one layer. i copy it. i ctrl+z to go back to keep the group if needed. i paste the copied lineart underneath it. i add a blur filter, shift it to be slightly off from the lineart by a few pixels, and set it to "burn". i may change the color to be a very dark orange-ish brownish color. gives an effect of the lineart bleeding a little!

COLORING!!:

color: okay so for this part i just kinda bullshit it and either pick whatever colors i want, or i color pick them from this image below then slightly alter if i need a different color. i do not have the patience to do my own cymk layer management digitally, just adding my effects can take OVER an hour and i have a way that looks nice Without It. i either fake my color misprints later or i just don't do it. still stuff to consider!

(taken from posessedpasm's guide! this is how i colored my sticky lou drawing. usually i will just pick my own colors and yellow them/dim them slightly.)

how do i do it: i color in sai using my usual brush or the one i showed previously. if i color on krita i use a different fuzzy kind of brush...

some colors i do on different layers and i move them slightly to make the misprinted effect. then i may erase small bits of it to make it look a bit better if i want.

if you really want the funky color mixing that may not be Extra Accurate anyway - draw using different colors on different layers. the layer overlapping with the bottom layer... set it to "multiply" and eyedrop the color where the two colors overlap. set the layer effect back to "normal". lock your opacity so you draw only on the Already Colored Parts and color the overlapping area using the eyedropped color! neato !

ONE THING TO NOTE!!! if something is white, you should leave it uncolored/transparent. unless you stylize it to be a different color entirely, if so... go ahead! but if it's WHITE white - just don't color it at all!!!

and now, to my Favorite part - the halftone overlay effect!!! here's where things can get fairly convincing already - plus, i use this effect / similar even in my normal art!

before ANYTHING!! at least, for krita - to achieve the best look i use the newspaper plugin!

newspaper plugin for krita

FIRST, i merge the color layer into one layer and then add it into a clipping group. i then copy the color layer and paste it OUTSIDE the clipping group.

then, select your PASTED color layer (named on the screenshot so u know what i mean) and go to tools>scripts>newspaper (once you install the plugin!)

i then play with the settings a bit. i typically don't touch everything - i just change the mode to Four color (CMY+K Pictures) or Four color (CMYK - Pictures) (this one usually looks better imo)

i also change the size to be smaller, usually around 4.00px.

click OK! it'll generate cymk halftone layers IN a clipping group! don't worry about the black, you can rid of it easily ;]

just close the group and move it to be inside of your color group below! clip the whole cmyk group over the color layer... and BOOM!

but that's not it! set the newspaper group's layer effect to luminosity (or whatever you find works best...!) adjust the opacity to around 50%-30% and BOOM!!

though, that's not all! do the same things we did to erase up the lineart earlier to the coloring, too. same steps! in the same clipping group! just make sure it's above the cmyk newspaper group.

you can then group both lineart groups and color groups into ANOTHER group that will contain them both. with that you can then make an erase layer over them both so they both get affected by it and make it look like both got chipped away, and not like they're separate entities. ^^

you can then use this for backgrounds... text... other things!

one important thing is also getting those papery, dirty effects... which i'll cover in a reblog! (image limit :,]) alongside that, i'll list all my resources for download there!!!

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, the thing about DID that I've come to find as a part that did an absurd amount of work during the "survival era" - literally playing caretaker, soother, primary protector, makeshift-gatekeeper, relationship mediator, and academic protector when our polyfragmented system was more or less shut down to a system of 2 with wild intrusions - and having carried us to keep a good grade during all the crisises that happened in our undergrad as we started DID-centered therapy - is that the difficulty of life with DID is honestly just very very front loaded but in turn relatively "easy" if / when you manage to survive that front loaded opening.

This isn't to say "DID makes your life easier when you get past the sheer survival phase and get to a place of stability" but more so that the sheer amount of skill and difficulty you've had to survive and grow accustomed to in order to GET to stability makes almost everything look like a bit of a joke.

It is very hard to get through that period, it is extremely painful and honestly, the unfortunate thing is that it is fatal to some - but by the time you come out on the other end.... it's almost honestly boring before it becomes peaceful with just how pathetically simple "huge stressors" are in comparison.

I've carried 500 roles all on once while trying to keep intruding parts' messes limited back when we really had to go into our denial phase of DID in late high school. I kept our grades up during active multi-level abuse and codependent friendships and so many massive crisises. I got us academically through our bachelors degree and the first 5+ years of therapy AND Covid. I've gotten up the next morning after a flight and two or three breakdowns and took an organic chemistry final and did plenty of well.

Am I genuinely supposed to be worried about a simple GRE test with only a few days notice? Of course that should be stressful, of course that should bother me, most people it should - but honestly? Compared to the absurd feats I've done in the name of survival both for myself and the system, and the absurd feats I've done in the name of flourishing - its honestly a cake walk.

At this point, as a part, very little compares to the hardest periods of our life and honestly, it both kind of leaves me under fulfilled as a part that really likes projects and working on things. It's a large reason why I've taken a lot more fun and fulfillment in watching the "kids" grow and learn things on their own and serving as an advisor / mentor when they really find themselves stuck.

My confidence and security in handling these sorts of things used to actually depress me as we got into a better life, but honestly, it's a lot more fun sitting back and being the parent to the hosts and "new generation" of parts because its both more interesting and it's honestly just really fulfilling to be able to be that safe and secure base for ourselves that we never had. And I am not meaning in the sense of a protector and caregiver - that is too over bearing and obligatory. I more so just mean like a genuine parent to fledgling birds.

The diligence and long run game of watching them flail around a bit sillily as they figure out how to fly on their own. Keeping them safe but not so much that they never learn to fend for their own. I don't know, call me old, I'm retired in this brain for the most part, but its something I really enjoy honestly.

Any how, I apologize some for the amount of times I say "honestly" and the overall formal speech, I used to joke about it being my "speech impediment" because I can't help it - but Riku and co recently found out that is ACTUALLY a speech impediment common with autism called "stilted speech" so I guess.... it unironically is my speech impediment. (/half serious /lh)

[olderthannetfic]

i saw a post of yours recently where you were talking about how ao3 was made by a community of fans, and how tumblr fandom is much more splintered. you seemed to consider that a bad thing, do you think it's inherent to tumblr, or the modern internet, or is it possible to go back to a more LJ-era way of doing things? would that be even worth it- was the change that significant? if so- how would it have to be done? sorry to barge in with just a veritable barrage of questions, but (1/2)

--

(2/2) I wasn't old enough at the time to be on the internet, and fandom (and, by extension, internet) culture of that time interests and intimidates me in equal measures.

I think it's inherent to a larger modern fandom. Things were always splintered though. AO3 came out of one pocket of fandom, and other pockets of fandom didn't even know it was happening for years.

LJ is kind of like discord servers: it can operate like offline friend groups or like offline clubs. There's a significant social barrier to entry in the same way that regular social things have that. I don't mean people are gatekeeping: I mean that people won't feel like your friend until you put in some social effort. You cannot be that passive and still be a member of a community, though some people do more than others.

Not all of LJ felt like a real community just like not every discord server does, and plenty of posts were open to logged out randos, but there's the potential for more of a feeling of intimacy.

The big difference is seeing fandom as a smaller group vs. a mainstream hobby and using platforms with levels of privacy controls rather than screaming at each other in the public forum of twitter with celebrities and non-fandom randos gawking.

I don't think we ought to go fully back even if it were possible.

I do think we should resist the worst excesses of the modern internet, like shitty algorithms or feeling it's "mean" to not make your work maximally accessible to every ungrateful little turd out there. I archive-lock my works on AO3 because if you can't be bothered to make an account, you're an outsider, and you don't deserve to see the good shit. People can either commit to group membership in the most minor of ways by making an AO3 account, or they can fuck off.

[luxicides]

coquette fashion faves 🐇🎀⛸️💒🎧

the other day my mom inadvertently called me a bimbo for liking high fashion. to be fair, she did catch me watching rick owens fw22/23 when i should have been writing my lit essay, but who's she to judge? anyways, here's a quick list of fashion brands whose work i adore as of late. i'll try to include links to some of my fav shows from them too xx #girlssupportgirls

++necessary disclaimer: this is all just for fun!!!! obviously, these are all just my personal opinions. i'm in no way a fashion expert, nor am i claiming to be. live laugh love, gaslight gatekeep girlboss :3

and so, presenting....

LUXICIDES' DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO FASHION BRANDS IN THE MODERN AGE ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

1. MIU MIU

at this point, eeeeeeveryone has heard of miu miu. how could you not?

founded in 1992 by none other than mrs prada, miu miu has been having a (imo) well-deserved revival in the past few years. as the sister label of prada, miu miu serves as a more "youthful, playful and affordable alternative".

though i personally prefer last year's fall/winter rtw show to be more visually interesting than this year's spring/summer show, AND found their campaign with kendall jenner to be... a little lacklustre, i still love what the brand has been doing.

i just love the way miu miu's runway styling is done - going back to fw22, the incorporation of more preppy influences in their cable-knit sweaters along with the very obvious y2k references (mini skirts, lace and mesh, and those cropped tops girl!) is just... to DIE FOR.

and i'm not going to wrongfully malign the ss23 show! i thought the varying textures and how everything was just so flowy and loose. the set for this show was also incredible.

FAVOURITE: pre-fall 2020 (especially this look!)

2. BLUMARINE

ngl, when i first researched into blumarine, i was CONFUSED. just because i had always seen blugirl (their brand for teenagers) being labelled as blumarine (the core brand).... thanks pinterest.

but regardless, i think blumarine is FASCINATING. to me, they've always had elements of frivolity and femininity, with their intricate embellishments, and delicate lace detailings that are just to die for - every coquette girlie's dream.

lately, though, they've been moving towards more y2k influence: i mean, the ss23 rtw show is 99% denim. look at that and tell me that doesn't remind you of britney justin circa 2001 amas !!!

in all seriousness, i love the direction they're going in. i love that they're still maintaining some of the very ethereal, dainty energy that has been at the core of the brand for so long.

blumarine almost never misses with their styling. it's like their textures always go crazy - in the best way.

though it definitely doesn't get as much attention as its sister brand, blugirl is absolutely worth checking out too. i'm personally biased towards their older collections, think 2004-2005 era. they're literally all over pinterest, so it shouldn't be hard to find either.

FAVOURITE: fall-winter 2021 rtw

3. OZLANA

to me, ozlana is like the perfect combination of every trend i love. their pieces are so delicate and so dainty, and i literally can't get enough of their styling... like the fur coats? the pastels??? the DREAMINES???? oh my god don't do this to me rn.

literally every look from their 2022 shfw runway is basically perfect. to me, at least.

like - the colours. the bows. the denim looks in particular..... and the set!!!! don't even get me started on the set design.

ozlana is another brand i see on pinterest all the freaking time. honestly, they're kind of reminiscent to fw04 blugirl in the sense that they both have such dreamlike qualities to them...

unfortunately, ozlana does use real fur :( so that does dock them down a point. but i still do love their styling, and their pieces without the fur embellishments still are quite cute!

FAVOURITE: 2021 shfw

4. CUCCULELLI SHAHEEN

pinterest also brought me to this one!

think glamour. think sparkles. think euphoria but aged up and set kind of in a vaguely old hollywood-esque era. that's Cucculelli Shaheen to me.

Cucculelli Shaheen is NYC-based, and was founded in 2016. which is insane to me, because the level of craftsmanship in their work is breathtaking. their tailoring and the patterns of their pieces are literally... chef's kiss. i'd give up my first born for a dress from them.

listen, the embellishments? the intricacy? the detail??? their pieces are astoundingly lavish and astoundingly beautiful. not to mention, their shoots are basically works of art themselves.

i'm not a bride-to-be, nor am i going to be in the near future, but their bridal collections make me..... goddamn. someone wife me up.

FAVOURITE: collection 13 OR collection 10

5. SCHIAPARELLI

yeah. you don't even need an intro to this one.

if you've been anywhere on the internet in the past month or so, and i mean ANYWHERE, you've probably seen the recent schiaparelli show. and the reactions that go along with it range anywhere from sane, logical, to absolutely batshit crazy takes.

me, personally, in my oh so humble opinion - i loved the recent show. the phrase "a feast for the eyes" was basically made for this show. i mean, the uproar (get it) over the fake taxidermy heads alone was entertaining, but the show itself was a freaking stunner.

i've always loved daniel roseberry's work. i think he does a great job of sticking to the house's codes, whilst also creating a new, exciting vision for the brand. it's what elsa would have wanted!

daniel roseberry has brought so much drama to schiaparelli in his time there - both in terms of public intrigue, but also in the actual pieces. the garments are so bombastic and literally are each works of art in their own right.

i love their use of shapes and i love the over-the-top-ness of it all. i can't wait to see what they do next.

FAVOURITE: fall-winter 2022 couture

that's it for this post, hope u liked it <3 i've never really done much fashion critiquing (unless you count me and my friends sanctimoniously picking apart chanel's recent shows), so this is pretty much new to me.

:3 hope u all have a great day!

catastrophically yours,

luxicides

[5eraphim]

eras of tumblr i could give hour-long Ted Talks about

(only including eras i participated in, not what i’ve lived through second-handedly. these are what i personally remember seeing on my dash, i’m sure there’s plenty i missed. This is an ongoing list/not fixed/subject to future edits.)

2015 gravity falls 

the rise of sexyman bill cipher 

depravity falls and putting 12 yr old characters in violent guro situations 

alex hirsch worship

billdip discourse

the diehard thirst for Gruncle Ford 

“i want to fuck that dorito”

2015/16 Black Butler

SebaCiel discourse

Grelle discourse (like, i don’t even know how to elaborate, but if you were there you would remember how people were fighting over her characterization in all different directions. Which is funny because, love her or hate her, she is barely even in the show lol)

The needlessly intense sjw vs anti-sjw/ fiction doesn’t effect reality/ shipping fighting

can’t quantify this, but i swear 80% of the fans were ex-hetalia fans 

Black butler 2 being either loved or hated, while book of circus was almost unanimously loved

the Scott Freeman incident...

no one giving a fuck about the female characters

Yana/Jay Michael Tatum worship

2016 Undertale

Sans undertale sexyman rise

the most raw video game soundtrack of all time

papyton

no one agrees how to draw undyne, but we all agree that she’s gay as fuck

(This is a personal anecdote, but i actually made a friend in highschool bc i drew undertale fanart on the board at latin class nd she added to it the next day, i added to it the next day and eventually we met up and it was so adorable)

“get dunked on”

2016-17 hamilton, heathers, great comet, dear evan hansen, be more chill musical theater insanity

rip tumblr user galactibun

The Hamilton craze breathing new life into the 1776 musical fandom

Most bizarre fanfic aus seen on tumblr thus far (hamilton)

The great comet Tony snubs

BMC and DEH blowing up, despite most fans only caring about the characters, totally ignoring the plot.

“Miku binder Thomas Jefferson”

No one giving a fuck about “The Hamilton Mixtape”

Gatekeeping fans who didn’t read war and peace or the ron chernow biography (i don’t think anyone ever gave a shit about the BMC orginal book which is SO FUNNY)

lin manuel miranda worship

real people fanfictions of actors/shipping them (especially hamilton!)

Key Figures include: Lin Manuel Miranda, Ron Chernow, Philipa Soo, Daveed Diggs, Ben Platt, George Salazar, Barette Wilbert Weed, and Mike Faist

2016-2017 the yuri on ice, killing stalking, kaikyu yaoi trifecta 

Yaoi take over

The anime fans collective salt over YOI winning anime of the year 2016

Not in this time period, but the Killing Stalking fans despising the ending en mass several years later.

Free! was also huge as the second season concluded not long before, but wasn’t receiving new updated in Realtime like the other three.

honestly? i mostly just remember people drawing some of the most beautiful fan art of the characters and not bothering to follow the plots

2015-2016 steven universe discourse peak craziness 

There are no words, looking back this all feels like a fever dream

Insane fan-theories (as in- even for Tumblr, these theories were very out there)

Pink diamond character derailment

“watching steven universe is the opposite of eating pussy” 

Gemosonas

fusion = sex???

“it’s over isn’t it” single-handedly inspiring some of the most beautiful fan art to come out of the show; "Stronger than you” def inspired much more fan-creations, but they were nowhere near as good imo

That terrible lily peet video that sent a tidal wave of fandom-fighting 

Concrete

Nicki Minaj guest appearance 

the porn avalanche predating the 2018 nsfw ban

My OG account got banned >:( (i never posted porn, tried to email support to no avail, I DID NOT DEVERVE THIS YOU NARCS)

50-50 mix of people posting lewd art and people posting links to find them as they migrated to twitter

“Female presenting nipples”

The return of the citrus scale (orange: PG/G, Lime: PG-13, Lemon: R, Grapefruit: X)

“Too Spicy for Tumblr”

Didn’t even stop the porn bots, mostly just screwed over artists and writers

IMO the peak of user v staff animosity

2020 hannibal

The small but loyal anthony hopkins defenders

Some of the most beautiful creative gore art

The moodboard to web-weaving pipeline

People being surprisingly respectful of fans who only watched the show, or who didn’t read Red Dragon/Silence of the Lambs, or where otherwise not invested in the greater overall Hannibal canon.

Manipulate, mansplain, malewife

Key Figures Include: Madds Mikkelson, Hugh Dancy, Anthony Hopkins

november 5, 2020

You just had to be there man, i don’t know what to tell you.

Key Figures include: Donald Trump, Castiel, Dean Winchester, Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin, Nevada, Georgia, Wisconsin and debatably Sherlock season 5

the 2021 coquette girl blogger era

Lana del rey worship

The ungodly amount of softcore porn

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

Glorification of eating disorders, benzos, trailer parks, predatory men, age gap relationships, and so much more!

Teenagers blogging about Russian lit you know they never read

Waifblr

Still not sure to this day how much of this was ironic and how much wasn’t?? Or if any of this was self-aware???

Yes babe you’re so bambi, kate moss, diet coke, wellbutrin, dasha nekrosova, ballet, klonopin, trad cath, fawn, dior, sofia coppela, can you please shut the fuck up now?

key figures include: Lana del Rey, Daisy Randone, Dasha Nekrosova, Nina Sayers, Fiona Apple, Anya Taylor Joy, Sylvia Plath, Kate Moss, Kirsten Dunst (probably so many more, but this is just off the top of my head)

(bonus)

2015/16- My personal earliest memories of really getting into tumblr, and witnessing the tail-end of the Hetalia reign

2016- the end of Homestuck

2016- the epidemic of overwatch porn

2016- Does Jumin Han is gay?

2017- RWBY’s nosedive in quality from season 3 to 4, losing the majority of the fanbase

2018 Boyfriend to Death civil war (Gatobob v ElectricPuke)

2018- Detroit become Human drops and the robot-fucking gatekeeping 

2018- the Game of thrones/Endgame joint disaster ending melt down

2019- Sub-par Omens

2020- the Dead by Daylight community rioting when Pyramid Head’s ass got nerfed

2020- Cyberpunk 2077 is released and is torn apart almost instantly. Looking back by my approximations post were made up of- 10% people who were actually playing the games and enjoying themselves, 20% people who were playing the game and WEREN’T having fun, 55% People who never bought/played the game who were making up crazy glitches for clout, 15% hardcore pornography of characters you’d never seen before. (I’m quite salty about this bc I worked at GameStop at this time and had people constantly talking about glitches in casual conversation and I just know most of these bitches were LYING.)

20??- don’t remember the exact dates, but phase 3 marvel was un-escapable at this time

2020/21- Succession blows up

2022 Ghost bc blows up on tiktok, the fandom already sizable on tumblr only goes up from here

[pink-bird-30]

Titans 4x08

SPOILERS AHEAD

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!

Titans 4x08

I never paid much attention to the names of episodes until this season, especially this episode.  There is so much Dickkory goodness to break down and I am soooooo excited to do it.

First off, the interaction in the first scene had me rolling on the floor.  I just love how Dick and Kori are unintentionally funny and their reactions to the matching pjs and sharing a bed was perfection. 

“What the Fuck”

“We didn’t…”

I just wanted to know if it was Mother Mayhem or “The gatekeeper's” idea to give them this type of lifestyle.  Did they both just take a big look at Dick and Kori and got Barbie and Ken vibes? If so, I am on board.  The matching Mercedes was the cherry on top.

But I do think Kori was asking the right questions, who changed their clothes?  Who touched them?  This is such an unsettling violating situation and I think the writers did right by mentioning something about it.

Moving on,

Raven’s interaction with Sebastian (am I the only one that struggles with spelling his name?)

I didn’t mention much about Raven in my 4x07 post.  It was mostly because I didn’t think it was worth mentioning since she did play a big part in helping Dick in this episode.  She was taken by 2 towns people who are not influenced by the music, I’m a little confused that one of them is deaf and the other intentionally deafened themselves, but neither of them knew sign language?  The daughter mentioned how she loss her hearing at a young age, surely long before their town was under the curse? I’m not sure, but it definitely bothered me.

Anyways,

After Raven is captured by the towns people after the weird mass they had…(There is too much to unpack there, bear with me) the interaction she had with Sebastian really bothered me.

I just don’t understand why he doesn’t see Raven is his sister and has his best interests at heart?  Before he became Brother Blood, he willingly went with Mother Mayhem to protect his new friends, but I have this feeling that man isn’t gone just yet.  His anger towards Raven is misplaced and mostly steamed in fear but I wish he could listen to that little voice and break through the fog.

When Raven tries to warn him that if he tries to kill her he will get hurt too, he does’t believe her.  Not once has any of the Titans (besides Connor-but he’s in his Anti-hero era, so I’ll let it slide) purposely put Sebastian in harms way.

“You can’t do that”

I never understood how people can’t head the warning.  The pure shock on Sebastians face when he realizes he can’t hurt her is golden.  Especially when Raven starts to go off about Mother Mayhem using him. Joseph uses his Klaus angry face and phew 😮‍💨 I missed that angry vampire man so much.

Going back,

I forgot to point out that we are 4/4 of Dick owning/driving the douchiest cars.  My favorite running theme through this entire show.  Whoever thought of this, bless you.

On ward to the typical Batman Bullshit

“This is peak daddy bullshit”

The way I jumped out of my bed and threw a fist in the air should be illegal.  The main reason I love Dick and Kori so much is because they call each other out on their shit (Kori to Dick more often).  In theory, yes, Dick’s idea is a working idea, but the thought that pain has to be the key to bring them back is devastating.  Why no happy memories?  or love? 😉 

“It matches your outfit”

Kori always has to stick it to Dick and I am forever going to miss these moments.

The entire montage of them discussing their depressingly sad memories was awful, and seeing Dick’s flashbacks to season 1 is not what I expected to see.  I was balling at how far Dick has grown as a person.

But when he comes back to see Kori, and sees her change into Carol and “looses” her, I felt his heartbreak.  When he realized his plan did not work, the amount of regret this man must have felt was tenfold, especially when we hear what his painful memories are…

The intimacy that happen in this scene is perfection.  A lot of people want to see Kori and Dick kiss and have sex.  I’m here for the soft touches and longing stares and confessions.  Sure, they deserve to have a fantastic sexcapade, but this scene, between “Carol” and Dick, “I would never leave you” is a promise.  Dick is done with the bullshit, he needs to take control of his life again and do the right thing.

The Church

Dick’s fight scene is the church is definitely in my top 5 fight scenes for Dick.  He straight up picked up a man and tossed him across the room, I’m still fanning myself.

 The Car Ride

I love when Raven is witness to her parents’ interactions that bypass what a “friend” is.  

I’m skipping over the whole radio booth scene, yay Tim and Bernard got their shit together, and yay Dick destroyed the whole thing…Which I’m still confused by the weird dude who was hooked up to the thing to begin with…

Anyways…

KORI PICKS UP DICK’S RADIO AND IT BRINGS HER BACK.  HIS REPRESSED FEELINGS ARE WHAT BROKE HER FROM HER TRANCE I-

I AM STILL UNWELL

LIKE VERY UNWELL PEOPLE!!!

Just hearing the regret in Dick’s voice and how much thought he put into his words was breathtaking.

“Dick Grayson?”

“Kori Anders?”

SEASON 1 RECALL AGAIN

The way Dick looked at her after she said it wasn’t the bad memories that brought her back, he knows. His love brought her back and I hope he takes a very long time thinking that over before his next move.

“You look good in Pink”

Tim Drake-again, my favorite person.

I’m super excited to see what 4x09 will bring us!

Until tomorrow!

[st4rryhazes]

now i just wanna yap lol but here's a bit abt me

i love love love music esp live music it fuels my soul sm!!!!

recently saw chappell and it quite literally altered my entire life (side note on that i've been a fan for like 2 years and im so so glad she's getting recognition but i wanna gatekeep still but like she's a big popstar now omg!)

5sos is my ultimate love and i scared one of my managers today bc someone brought them up and i sprinted over so fast lmfao

i need a public diary to hold myself accountable for shit bc my therapist is so so flaky ugh :// needing to therapize myself lowkey

i need to get a psych eval like asappp ik i have so much wrong w me and the only time i saw a psychiatrist she didn't gimme an eval and gave me a depression diagnosis like that one wasn't obvious ;-;

i overuse emojis sooo much but i'm tryna get into using emoticons more bc like !! they're so mf cutee !! :3 :3 :3

i'm 20 and bisexual and pronouns are she/they jsyk (also i'm january capricorn and gemini moon/rising)

i have an amazing bf who i've been with for almost a year now! truly thankful to love him and to have his love :,)

IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY IM JUST BLABBING tryna stay awake till midnight to listen to ttpd !!!!

oh also also im tryna get back into borrowing so if any lifters wanna share tips that'd be so swagtastic bc anxiety be getting in the way of having a haul :// tis not ideal but i'm tryna save money soooooooo

also im just gonna tag like everythjng i said here bc like ;-; i want attention ig idk IVE ALSO NEVER REALLY HAD A HARDCORE TUMBLR ERA BEFORE SO SOZ IF IM BAD AT THIS

K BYE FOR NOW I GUESS ?¡

[popstarryeyed]

eagerly anticipating your opinions on guts

i like it! i honestly wasn't expecting to like it as much as i do - it was kind of low on the list of new albums to listen to (still haven't listened to the new mitski) and i bumped it up the list for you and also because i heard she leaned more into the rock side of her sound, which is the side i prefer. off of sour i mostly only really liked "brutal", "good 4 u", and "jealousy, jealousy". like i could tell she was good. i just grew up in the lorde/lana/halsey era so i didn't really need more ballads in sad indie girl voice.

but guts is really good. i even like the ballads! it makes me want to gatekeep her. protect her. not just because she talks about insecurities but bc somehow the pop star from disney is making rock songs satirizing americana and it's not THAT edgy but she is SUPER mainstream and it might be too edgy for the mainstream-est, you know? sonically it reminds me a bit of "the one" by marika hackman which is a song about selling out. which gives you an idea of what we're working with here. a middle ground between mainstream and indie/alternative that she and marika came at from opposite directions

a few track by track thoughts:

1. all-american bitch - probably my fave. i love when women scream

2. bad idea right? - my favorite part of sour was singing along to brutal and going "god! it's brutal out here!" along with her and this has that same sort of sound. you can tell she was an actress - she really puts character in her voice

3. vampire - one of the weaker songs imo

4. lacy - i like when she talks about comparing herself to other women and feeling sad. jealousy, jealousy

5. ballad of a homeschooled girl - this feeling is not exclusive to homeschooled girls. if you're autistic you can go to school for years and still be bad at social skills 👍

6. making the bed - also way too fucking relatable. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me

7. logical - as a star trek fan it is impossible for me to take a song with this title seriously. "love is never logical" thanks spock i already knew that since i didn't grow up on a planet where people repress all emotions. only some of them

8. get him back! - same as bad idea right, so fun

9. love is embarrassing - same as bad idea right and get him back

10. the grudge - it's fine. i've heard other songs like it

11. pretty isn't pretty - what i said about lacy

12. teenage dream - i know people are touchy about comparing her to taylor swift since copyright law is fucking stupid but BIG nothing new vibes. very "how long will it be cute / all this crying in my room / when you can't blame it on my youth". this is the one that makes me want to hug her and go don't worry. you haven't peaked at 19 trust me you're doing great and you're gonna keep growing and changing.

tl;dr this album is good and also activated my older sibling tendencies. y'all be nice to her okay?

[writtenbyerna]

Review for A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall

Man, trans representation in books is next to nothing but trans representation in historical romance? I literally have not read any historical romance where a trans character is the main lead. This baffles me because trans people existed before the term trans is coined to describe them. The term transgender was popularized in the 1990s (Rawson, 2020) and trans people lived before it, yet books, where they are the centers, are non-existent. 

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall tells the story of a trans woman, Viola, after leaving her life as a soldier, a friend, an heir, and a Viscount, and finally deciding to live her life as what she is. But her freedom cost her to lose her closest companion, the Duke of Gracewood. 

Two years after the war, Viola now serving as a lady’s companion of Viscountess Marleigh, her sister-in-law, is pushed to meet the Duke who suffers from his wounded leg and PTSD. As Viola, tries to bring back Gracewood to what she knows, realizations are made, and maybe this time the feelings buried deep can be let out. Maybe this time the impossible gets to be possible. 

8 Things I Love About A Lady for a Duke 

1. Trans representation. Trans representation in media is important because trans people exist and should be represented in mass media! Sure, the book is set in a kind of regency era, and won’t fit in today’s society but the fact that a trans woman found her happy ending in this book means that trans people can find theirs in real life. 

2. Her being trans isn’t the main conflict in the book. The main conflict in the book lies with the fact that since she became Viola, she lost her wealth and is a woman in a very patriarchal society. No one in the book questions her being trans but Viola knows that everyone will question how the Duke of Gracewood fell in love with a lady’s companion. HER BEING A TRANS IS PART OF HER IDENTITY BUT IS NOT THE PROBLEM!!! I cried so much when I realized this tbh. 

3. Content Warnings! Listen I am all for not spoiling books but putting a trigger warning or a content warning on one of the first pages of the book would tremendously help a lot of people. In this book, one of the warnings was about Viola being dead-named by some characters, and if a trans person or anyone read this without knowing it, it could be a trigger for them. Put trigger warnings, please. 

4. Modernization of the language. Reading regency or any historical romance, especially classics, one will always find it harder to understand than contemporary works because the structure of the language is different, and the words used are not the same as now. So, it is a good thing that Alexis decided to modernize some of the languages because it connects to the audience much easier. However, some would argue that this is unnecessary and ruins the genre but well there are other books for you to gatekeep the language babe. 

5. Beautiful and romantic prose. I swear to everyone that this has one of the most romantic prose there is. Gracewood saying that she’s his home, her breath, and him saying this

“I love you as a man loves a woman, but we both know that love is not bound by such narrow terms. So instead lead me simply tell you that I love you. I love you with the unfading flame of my friendship. With every drop of ardour in my blood. I love you with my soul, as some reserve their faith for absent gods. I love you as I believe in what is right and hope for what is good. I love you with everything I am and ever was-and if you will only let me, with every day that comes, and every self that I could ever be.” (Chapter 34)          

I want a Gracewood, please.

6. PTSD. The exploration of PTSD for both Gracewood and Viola since they were both in war is so well done. While reading you ache for both, especially Gracewood. His pain was described so vividly that I remember feeling heartbroken for him. 

7. Body acceptance. Since Viola is a trans woman she has the faculties of a male-born individual, so the discussion about her being worried that she cannot bear children, and having a sexual relationship with Gracewood like other women was so beautiful. I found myself highlighting every phrase because it was so beautifully described. I love that Viola realized her worth and that she also deserves pleasure and love. 

8. Love. So much love in the book, it’s oozing. 

Rating: 5 stars 

Links: https://gayety.co/history-of-the-word-transgender

[designsfromtime]

Note to Faire Board Costume Committees:

Yes, this is a rant! Now that I'm getting ready to semi-retire, I'm spilling the Tea when people in the Renfaire Community behave like little dictators of their made-up fiefdoms: I got a message from a client I booked LAST year (It has been normal for my schedule to be booked out in advance at least 1.5 to 2 years - yes, years). In her message today, she confided through a puddle of tears, anxiety, confusion and WTF, that the Faire Board’s “costume committee” in her home state just sent her a letter “dropping her from the cast.” So, apparently, there are claims on the committee’s side that my client ran afoul with some of them, and that there were allegations that she skipped out on paying for a gown a seamstress made, who subsequently declined to take another commission, which is “why” they claim she contacted me. Incidentally, my client repudiates the validity of these claims MOST stringently - and cites her own evidence. My job as a costume designer is not to get involved in the politics of Faire Boards - at least those outside my home state of Washington. As a cast member, and the director of a fiber arts demonstration group, at the Washington Midsummer Renaissance Faire, AND the designer who has made the Queen’s gowns for this faire since about 2015, I have a good working relationship with our board, and I have their back! I have come to their defense several times in response to unfair criticism from patrons who have vocal opinions but aren’t afforded a “behind the scenes” perspective of the absolute radge shit they deal with on the regular! So, I get it. The bigger the Faire, the larger the pain in the arse cast members can be. That said, I’m gonna pull some sheets because the behavior of one particular board, who I will not name publicly, is simply beyond the pale! The problem I’ve found with many participants at Renfaire, and costume pages, is the arrogance and gatekeeping. I mean, it’s absolutely ridiculous! The number of costumers, in particular among the Elizabethan genre, I’ve dealt with tend to be disproportionately petty. Not all historical costume enthusiasts are petty, but those among the pettiest tend to be renfaire reenactors! They feel no compulsion about their gaslighting, their rude and elitest behavior. Their dangerous and hurtful little cliques are tantamount to small-minded little wanna-be mean girl clubs. Bullies, to be concise. I’ve had members from an Elizabethan era costume page on Facebook contact me when I first took my costumes “public” (rather than creating as a hobbyist) and sent me private messages condescendingly criticizing my work - exclaiming I had no “business” calling myself a historical costumer. I’ve shared that many times. I’ve had some come on my page aghast that I serge my seams of my costume commissions to prevent unraveling. I’ve gone toe-to-toe, respectfully and calmly, with admins on pages dedicated to historical embroidery because they were piling on one member inappropriately, like hungry piranha in a goldfish bowl. When I wrote to the admin “in private” and expressed my disappointment that she would not hold the high ground on her page, rather than allow members to descend into such abhorrent bullying behavior, she defended herself! - gaslighting the individual they were crucifying to include ME. I’ve been unfairly judged and attacked many times for daring to hold people in the costume community accountable for their poor behavior. And I’ve recently experienced a situation whereupon TWO board members on the costume committee of a very large faire in the Southwest saw fit to write to me and share in great detail what I would deem as confidential information about a cast member whom I “chose” to take on as a client. They justified their gossiping to me as ‘concern’ for me potentially being ‘burned’ by a cast member they have all deemed problematic. Look, whether or not their claims are true, which according to my client they are NOT. it is completely and utterly inexcusable to share such confidential information with me - to the extent they freaking named names! I have a very advanced BS meter. It comes with an innate ability as a sensitive. That’s not to say I’m never wrong, but guess what? I’m shrewd and suspicious of people’s motives and their agenda from “the get.” You learn to maneuver and spot toxicity when you were raised and abused by a malignant narcissist. If someone writes to me and says, ‘my costumer dumped me.” Don’t you think I’m intelligent enough to question if there is perhaps a more in-depth version I’m missing? Don’t you think I am smart enough to know red flags? So, I call bullshit when these people contacted me to express “concern” for me having accepted this particular client’s commission; stating they just wanted me to be aware I might not get paid. Now whether or not they have legitimate gripes with this cast member remains to be proven, and that’s not my job! What I take issue with is the costume board’s blatant attempt to sabotage my client’s ability to commission a gown based on “their” experience or the unsubstantiated hearsay from a costumer whose work, by the way, is absolutely abominable and indefensible! I say that because  one of them actually tried to defend her work. I saw pictures. Up close pictures. The work was indefensible. That said, NEVER - Not ever would I stoop to such a stunt like these two costume committee members pulled. It’s my opinion, and you know what they say about opinions and everyone having “one,” that their motives perhaps might have not been quite so puritanical, but in fact are heavily influenced by “their” interactions and what they infer as a cast member who “pushed back” on their costume rules. Let me offer a perspective you all might be missing: One of the first lessons I was taught by my grandmother, who taught me to sew as a little girl, was to be able to walk into a fabric store and “feel” the fabric on display and know immediately if it’s a natural or synthetic fiber. My very first dress I made was a fit-and-flare mini dress with multiple gores that molded to my torso. I was TWELVE! My mother threatened me that if I didn’t take my time and do my best and render a garment that was “wearable” she would never purchase me any more fabric. Since this dress was a graded project in Home Economics (1973) in Junior High, I was extremely mindful. I ended up wearing that dress until I grew out of it! My point is: I know fabric, I know how each blend will drape, I know which type of fabric works best for trousers, or skirts, or blouses, and I most certainly can tell at a glance, even on a computer screen, if fabrics and trims are quality made or natural fibers. The cast members, more especially those who DO NOT SEW or have extensive training in fibers, content, drape, color theory, and more specifically the names of clothing pieces from the 16th Century, may find it difficult to “communicate” what a ‘forepart is,’ or an ‘over-partlet,’ or an ‘under-partlet,’ or a coif, a waistcoat, paned sleeves, poufs, shoulder ‘wings’ or collared smock, or what is or isn’t freaking historically accurate!! Consider the human element! Consider how intimidating, and even confusing, for reenactors with no real skill or education regarding fabrics, dyes, construction, design, etc., to have to present their costume designs to your costume board! What about those with social anxiety who draw a blank or feel inadequate or freaking scared shitless to have stand up in a room full of their peers and present their case like it’s the goddamn Spanish inquisition! I can’t speak to others, but I can speak to MY interaction with this particular client the Costume Committee of their Faire Board tried to warn me about. In my communication with her, which has been limited to writing due to Etsy’s policies about NOT taking conversations off the site, she seems to become more easily overwhelmed, and has repeated the same questions several times. Yeah, that can be frustrating, so as a professional you suck it up! There are times she didn’t understand my very detailed “descriptions,” even though I’ve sent pictures and a design board complete with my sketches, proposed fabrics, embroidery, and accessories. Again, this job takes patience. So, before you look down your nose at a cast member as “difficult” or as “pushing back” maybe consider the human element. “Oh but, Christine, our faire has a mentorship program that encourages our cast members to work directly with the costume committee members to get them in the right direction with their vision of their character. Every cast member is given clear instructions on what they can and cannot have.” Really? Look, I spent over twenty years studying communication in interpersonal relationships, to include more than one psychological model, as well as to study emotional intelligence and even neurolinguistic processing. I have a son who’s on the autistic spectrum. It’s been my experience that the students walking into the program wherein I was hired as an enroller and first contact, as well as a mentor in the classroom, FAILED at emotional intelligence and basic communication skills because this stuff isn’t taught! I’m confident the costume committee members and many of the petty little egotistical mean girls would fail as well. There’s a saying I love: I can’t hear what you say because what you DO speaks so loudly. So, while you point the finger at “problematic” cast members, I’m suggesting maybe it’s not just them. Before you spread gossip about a client NOT paying her bill, I suggest you delve a little deeper. If you’re going to spread shit to outsiders, you better have your proof on hand. I suggest that this client with whom they have an issue may have dared to question their so-called “authority” and they got their knickers in a twist, and thereafter their personal opinions became the narrative they choose as the truth - Like Donald Trump continuing to argue to all his cronies in the media (who don’t have the fortitude to contradict him), keeps claiming the confidential documents that he stole and leaked, to include our nuclear secrets and our military weaknesses and strengths, was “perfectly legal” - in his opinion! It’s true to HIM, but those of us with integrity and a modicum of respect for the rule of law and true patriotism, aren’t afraid to call “foul” as we’re sitting at home giving each other the side eye and asking WATF??   Case in point: I was told by one of these board members that they have “pre-approved” my work for their cast members. Yet, when they received my client’s proposal, they did a 180% turn about and said to the client, “No hanging Spanish Sleeves.” Interesting, since the other board member who contacted me said, and I quote, “Please make her anything she wants. Hell, make her a cloth of gold gown with floor length hanging sleeves if she likes. It's not your job as her costumer to make sure that she is compliant with ____’s guidelines.” Hypocrite much? You claim my work is pre-authorized, and tell me to make whatever she wants, but when she appears in front of the committee, you change your mind? Could it be that they’re just trying to make things more difficult? The point is, maybe their ‘mentorship’ isn’t working! Maybe they’ve biased the MENTORS with their opinions the same way these board members tried to bias ME! But it didn’t work. I called them both out most eloquently and efficiently - which resulted in the one member telling me to “Make her what she wants.” You see, you don’t get to clutch your pearls and claim you’ve done everything you could, when your behavior in writing to ME to “warn me” is really just a sugar-coated attempt to “take the high ground” or to prop yourselves up as caring professionals and peers. If you CARED about being professional you would not have written to me and spilled hurtful, exhaustive, blow by blow details, and unsubstantiated claims to an outsider! You’re not clean pumpkins! You’re as much to fault, if not more, as the cast member you’re casting the blame on. I’m pissed!  - Bet you couldn’t tell! (tongue in cheek). Where’s your evidence? Where’s your goddamn compassion? I KNOW how the renfaire community can be! There are too many little gossiping cesspools of toxic egos! I’ve experienced it first hand. I’ve been doing faire for 22 years!! - In California, Washington, and Oregon. I have friends who travel the renfaire circuit and who participate, and have participated, in some of the largest faires in the United States. I have witnessed cast members, namely nobles, who take their “pretend roles” far too seriously! - To the extent they walk around faire with their noses stuck up in the air even during after hours!! I have stood up to bullies in the costume community and simply asked “Can you communicate that a little gentler?” - And I was branded a troublemaker? I’ve been the victim of bullying. many times. I’ve spoken about this before but here’s a refresher! I wish persons, such as these two individuals who claimed to “care so much” for my wellbeing, would have come to my defense when I’ve been mocked and unfairly judged and ridiculed on an Elizabethan costume page on Facebook, to the extent that an admin came on MY page to criticize my supporters when I dismissed a client for bullying and harassment. This same client went on the costume page, posted a picture of MY gown, which is highly recognizable as mine, and told everyone it was “her” design and that her “seamstress” retired due to arthritis. I began receiving messages from my followers, from clients, and from friends asking if I had quit! When I went on the board and commented that I was still around, Nicole (Forrester) who was the client who was bullying and harassing me, contacted the admins and spun a sob story in her favor. She can talk a good game, I gotta hand that to her. The admin on that page banned ME, my friends, and anyone who came to my defense even though my/their comments were not at all inflammatory or critical of Nicole!!!! Then she had the audacity to come on my business page and claim 'There's two sides to every story." No one took the time to investigate what had taken place behind the scenes. Nicole did not see fit to share with the admin that she had been “talking to death” a peacock themed Elizabethan gown for three damn years! She didn’t mention that I had already begun work on another gown, her third with me, because she could not make decisions on the peacock embroidery. She didn’t offer that I had spent hundreds of hours, I mean literally hundreds of hours, discussing, sketching, searching, purchasing multiple embroidery patterns about which she kept changing her mind. So, whilst in the midst of starting this other gown, she contacted me by text message and asked if she could call me. But here’s the detail she didn’t share. I had spent the night before sitting at my brother’s bedside in the hospital as he died of pancreatic cancer. This beautiful man who held double doctorates in medicine was eaten down to skin and bones, and we watched him die. When I told Nicole, who was a THERAPIST by the way, that I was a wreck, that my only brother had just died the night before and that I was not in a headspace to discuss her gown, flew into a narcissistic tailspin and became angry that I would not set aside my grief for just “ten minutes” and talk to her about a fecking gown that SHE had been discussing for three years, and was not an emergent situation considering my loss. I received no condolences for the loss of my brother and she’s a therapist? I received no quarter for my bereaved state. She kept insisting that I “just talk to her for ten minutes, just ten minutes!” When I said no, because I was a puddle of tears, and snot, and grieving and traumatized from watching my brother die, she began harassing me on every medium possible: email, text, voicemail, instant message on Facebook and Etsy, demanding that I talk to her about her dress. She went behind my back and gossiped about me to another costumer FFS! - failing to provide the details that would cast her in a despicable light considering her damned profession. I kept imploring her as a therapist to extend me some compassion, but she couldn’t care less! l finally had to tell her that we were done, that I was canceling her commissions – for which she had not paid a deposit because my dumb ass thought she had become a friend! – and I had to block her and ban her from my page. The point is, that there are two sides to every story, and the details are not always appropriate to share. I didn’t have the opportunity to tell my side of the story to the admin on that costume group. She had already judged me for a previous interaction when I had the “temerity’ to speak up about the negative comments being piled on a member who was new to Elizabethan costuming. My comment was that I felt there were more positive ways to phrase their comments, and the admin MOCKED me on the page! I’ve never been a fan of the cliques that form within the reenactment and costume community, and while I never named the page directly, I have made known my dissatisfaction and disapproval of people who are given a little authority then wield it like a weapon and don’t have the communication skills, or the desire and personal integrity or professionalism to even listen! So, having received the puzzling messages from these two board members, I am left to consider why? Why would they feel such compulsion to explain at nauseum their private and confidential interactions with this one particular cast member? And by the way, my client, whom these two board members have seen fit to blatantly malign, has a different version of events. She claims the seamstress who made accusations about ‘non-payment” was in fact paid in full by cash, but as they were allegedly “friends” she didn’t think asking for a receipt was necessary, and claims she even sold personal property to ensure she was paid. Frankly, she was ripped off considering the horrible quality of workmanship from someone who claims to have a degree in costuming. I can attest to what happens when you mix business and friendship. My assistant, Lalana Oakes, proved that bit of wisdom when after two years I finally began to draw boundaries for her unprofessional behavior and deplorable work ethic, and in retribution she stole two clients costumes and tried to extort them and me for their return. Before you pass judgement on others, for their push back of your so-called rules, or spread hurtful gossip that maligns a cast members integrity, maybe take a look at your own behavior. Because baby, I find it reprehensible. **Rant Over**

[sickofcaffeinesworld]

Respectfully saying this for everyone on my Tumblr. Fully aware we’re hyped about a midfield rebuild for Liverpool but if this shiny new midfield doesn’t give me the thrive y’all seem to be promising. I will be extremely insufferable because my old midfield boys have spent the entire season almost breaking their backs for them to be called the problem always and anyways. Like I am about to enter my girlboss gatekeep gaslight era and keep my old geriatric midfield to myself and like 2 other people

[joshuahyslop]

BOOKS

The last 10 books I’ve read:

1. Hallelujah Anyway - Anne Lamott This book should have actually been in the last list of books I’ve read, but I missed it. I’m a bit scatterbrained sometimes, so I keep lists. I have several different lists of “books I’ve read” to try and keep track of where I’m at. Needless to say, I sometimes forget to update one (or more) of the lists and then forget which one is most up-to-date. Anyway. I read this recently, too. I loved her book, “Bird by Bird” but I read it ages ago, when I was at a very different place in my life, spiritually. I forgot that she was so religious and, therefore, found this a little tedious. It wasn’t bad, it just didn’t arrive in my life at the right time like, “Bird by Bird” did. Also, there’s a fantastic album by Hiss Golden Messenger called “Hallelujah Anyhow” and that also got me interested in this book. MC Taylor has recommended books to me in the past and, though he didn’t recommend this one, I wondered if there would be some kind of connection between the two. I didn’t find one.

2. Porno - Irvine Welsh There it is. I finished the sequel. I think if I’d read Trainspotting when it first came out I would’ve been far more interested in reuniting with the cast, but as I went directly from book one to book two, I found it a bit boring. The characters are all pretty well put together and the writing is still good. It’s just the storyline itself that didn’t intrigue me. Simon, aka, “Sick Boy” is now the owner of a sketchy club and decides to try to make a porno film in his establishment to try and go as legitimate as possible. All the other characters kind of play into it, but it’s not as engaging or interesting as the first book. Also, Irvine Welsh’s attempt at writing female characters was, in my opinion, pretty lacking. It wasn’t my favourite but I’ll be speaking on and off in a thick Glaswegian accent for the next while.

3. Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Webber and Rolling Stone Magazine - Joe Hagan I’ve always been curious about Rolling Stone magazine. I remember watching Almost Famous for the first time when I was around 17 and falling absolutely in love with the music and that specific time period. I’ve been inspired by that era for a long time and Jann Webber (as a character and the actual person) have small cameos in the film. I remember listening to The Cover of The Rolling Stone by Dr. Hook when I was a teen and dreaming of gracing its cover myself one day. I was always curious why Rolling Stone Magazine existed at the same time as The Rolling Stones and if there was a connection and, it turns out, there really was. I won’t spoil it for you but I was really disappointed. The book itself is well written and engaging but Jann Webber seems to be a very narcissistic power hungry person who had no problem throwing family and friends under the bus if it meant even a smidge more celebrity or power or money for himself. In the same way, it seems he used the magazine as his social club and it was mainly a way for him to become some kind of self-elected gatekeeper of fame. Kind of sad, really.

4. Under the Banner of Heaven - Jon Krakauer I’ve read a bunch of books by Jon Krakauer and I’ve enjoyed them all. Into The Wild, Into Thin Air, etc. They’re captivating books and they’re always very well researched. I was very interested in this book because it’s a true crime story and one of the reviews on the back compared it to “In Cold Blood” by Capote - another true crime story that I was also captivated by. Without really knowing what it was, I bought it from my local used bookstore and dove in. It’s kind of two books in one. Book one deals with a grisly murder committed by two brothers in the 80′s, and the Mormon fanaticism that they embraced which lead them to commit such a heinous crime. Book two explains the history of the Mormon religion. It’s a fascinating look at human nature, at religion, at fanaticism and at the evils that can be committed in god’s name. Not at all a read for the easily disturbed, but a fascinating book if true crime is your cup of tea.

5. Black Wings Has My Angel - Elliott Chase I have a very long list of books on my “to read” list. In fact, I have several “to read” lists scrawled in many different places: on my computer, in a journal, on the back of a receipt, kind of everywhere. I don’t remember where I heard of this book, but I know it was on more than one of my lists. I took a trip over to Vancouver a week ago to do some recording and while I was there I stopped at one of my favourite bookstores and asked one of the clerks for some recommendations similar to Hard Rain Falling and Fat City - both of which I’d read (and loved) after they’d been recommended by the same clerk previously. He grabbed several books and I saw this one in the pile and called it out with excitement. It’s been out of print for a long time but the good folks at New York Review Books have recently reprinted it. I read it in a day and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

6. A Good Man Is Hard To Find - Flannery O’Connor Flannery O’Connor was a fantastic writer. That said, it can be tremendously hard to read her stuff. It’s not how gritty and bleak things are in her stories; it’s not the seemingly infinite amount of unhappy endings, it’s the racism. It’s interesting because she was a highly religious person but her stories and her characters are often non-believers or hypocrites. It’s like she was able to be one thing in life but then able to write from a separate, if not opposite stance. She points out religion’s and society’s flaws and makes you question their motives. She points to the unbelievability of religion and the narrow-mindedness that so often goes hand in hand with a religious outlook. For that, I love her stuff. However, the same cannot be said of her views and her writing on race. The blatant racism in her work mirrors her own personal outlook and it is very hard to get past. And I don’t think it’s appropriate to try to just, “get past” it. You can’t sweep it under the rug. I think it’s important to acknowledge, even though it’s uncomfortable, the two sides to this particular coin. She was a great writer, of that there is no doubt. She was also an avid racist. There’s no doubt there either. But I do think it’s possible to simultaneously hold these two facts and enjoy the art while condemning the artists viewpoint, morals, humanity, language, etc. It requires reading with a critical eye. It means reading things you know you will disagree with, but I would argue that there is great benefit in doing so. Not only can it help you deepen your own understanding of why you believe what you believe, it can also help strengthen your conviction and your grasp of the world and of humanity and of its flaws. For a much better, far more articulate view on O’Connor’s racism in her writing, check out this article from the New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/06/22/how-racist-was-flannery-oconnor

7. In A Lonely Place - Dorothy B. Hughes This was another book in the pile of recommendations from my favourite bookstore. I also read this in one sitting. I’d never heard of it before but it’s fantastic. It’s a fictional story about a murderer in the LA area and from the beginning to the end it’s an exciting read. It’s one of those books that are hard to put down. It’s under 200 pages but it’s a great cat and mouse story. At times, the main characters relationship reminded me a bit of Raskolnikov and the detective from Crime and Punishment. It’s all a game of words. I really enjoyed this one.

8. Why I Am Not A Christian- Bertrand Russell This is a book of essays and some are far more interesting than others. I thoroughly enjoyed the title essay, but essays such as “The Fate of Thomas Paine” were less enjoyable. I’d never read anything by Russell before this. I wasn’t really even aware of him. But, in reading Jon Krakauer’s book, “Under The Banner of Heaven”, I was moved by some of the quotation’s he’d used as introductions to his chapters. More than one quote from this particular book of essay’s was employed. So I picked it up and dove in. It reminded me of Christopher Hitchens’, “God Is Not Great”. It’s clear that essays and philosophers like Russell, if not Russell himself, had a large impact on people like Hitchens and I, for one, am thankful for that. Regardless of where you fall on the pro/anti-religion argument, this is a good book to read. It’s always good to reflect and deepen your understanding of what you do or do not believe and why. Books like this can certainly help to achieve that.

9. The Great Spring - Natalie Goldberg I’ve read a few books by Natalie Goldberg before. I often find that I really enjoy her writing but she comes across as quite cold and even, at points, rude to others. Not all the time, but often enough that it stands out. Still, writers don’t have to be friendly. They don’t have to be anything at all, besides human, I suppose and not all humans are always friendly. It’s beside the point. I like her style and I like her writing so, that’s that.

10. The Innocent Man - John Grisham I might be on a bit of a true crime kick. Under the Banner of Heaven got me into it, I think. This is an absolutely crazy story. After reading it I discovered there’s actually a Netflix docuseries about it. I haven’t checked it out yet. I think I will, but if it stays close to the book it’ll be hard to watch. Not only because of the heinous crimes committed but also because of the complete lack of justice served. It’s a captivating story and at times it’s hard to believe it’s true.

more soon, -joshua