#back to working on either job things / school things / or personal deadline things

[miodiodavinci]

peace and love on earth <3

[hetafice]

Hi! Could I request the allies with an overworked s/o? Thanks!

hi! as usual reply is beneath the cut.

America:

It could go one of two ways with Alfred.

Alfred’s solution to the problem may just be to have you quit your job and find a new one.

As someone who gets paid to occasionally loaf off, he might not understand whatever incentivized you to stay at a job you weren’t completely in love with. In his eyes, if your job is too boring or too hard, just leave!

And should you try to explain that you do enjoy your job, just not the overbearing workload, he would be at even more of a loss. 

Another possibility is that you both end up being overworked together and forming a sort of late-night ritual where you work side by side. Sometimes talking, sometimes complaining, sometimes eating, sometimes sitting in comfortable silence as you both hustle to meet a deadline.

Although he is free by nature, Alfred is also keenly aware of just how constraining responsibility can be. To complete his duties to the fullest, he can also lose himself in pursuit of perfection. As someone who’s constantly moving the goalpost for himself, it’s sometimes difficult for him to slow down, to pace himself. As such instead of encouraging you to leave a situation that does not suit you, he might instead choose to remind you of your commitments and why you chose them in the first place.

He isn’t a complete robot, however. He understands the toll that hard work and sacrifice bring, so he’ll try and do something nice to take your mind off of things. It would likely involve one of his favourite coping mechanisms - food. Expect him to either drop food in front of you while you work at random increments or to be pushed into the car and accompany him to the closest fast food drive-in window.

Russia:

To Ivan, there is no such thing as success without a little bit of blood, sweat, and tears. While he may sympathize with you on some level, he believes that struggle is a necessary part of working hard and actualizing one’s dreams; and that to aid someone along the way is just to coddle them. 

On one level, you are someone he deeply cares for, and so he does not wish for you to suffer. However, he also knows from personal experience that without learning the lessons that come out of hard work, you are likely to take things for granted and make simple mistakes in the process of completing your goals. To help you at all would teach you that weakness can still beget success, which would not only then inspire weakness in your future endeavours and prime you for failure, but also place a massive target on your back.

In his eyes, weakness of any kind is ripe for exploitation and is to be avoided at all costs.

Besides, given his history, he knows that people can get pushed and pulled far beyond their limits before they break, so consider this a sort of litmus test. How far can you be pushed before you can’t take anymore? Where do your limits actually lie?

Canada:

Matthew has likely experienced the same things before and is naturally empathetic, so he is a great person to confide in in this scenario.

He would try his utmost best to ease your burdens in whatever capacity he could. If you were busy with work or school, he would compensate for that by doing most, if not all the work around the house. He would check up on you throughout the day to see if you need help with any tasks or even just a general morale boost.

He is more than happy to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. His advice is usually pretty sound, and he could help you think of ways to better organize your time and/or minimize your workload. If that isn’t an option he could offer various mindfulness and wellness tips to help you keep sane until your workload naturally tapers off.

China:

With his work ethic and general philosophy on life, Yao would push you to be stronger, go harder, and do more. 

In his eyes, hard work is a unanimously good thing. If you are feeling overworked it means you're just coming closer to another limitation that can be surpassed. You may be dealing with uncomfortable feelings, but this discomfort will teach you a lesson and lead to character growth. What bad has ever come of that?

To be completely honest, he may very well be the one overworking you. 

If you are enduring mistreatment in the workplace, or it looks like things may be too much for you, he may try to offer a few words of advice. He would propose that the knowledge this experience would give you was well worth all the struggle, that it would likely aid in cultivating your character, and that you shouldn’t let an opportunity like this slip through your fingers; or worse yet, quit right before the finish line.

Should your body start to take a toll from the overwork, he would offer reminders to take care of your health, but his general stance would not change. Yao is not the type to intervene when things like duty and honor are concerned.

France:

Francis would not understand why you would willingly put yourself through this.

If it’s getting to be too much, why not just leave your responsibilities behind? If your superiors are giving you too many assignments, why not raise hell about it? Meekly sitting in silence is doing nothing to help the problem, and only teaches others that they can walk all over you. Why not just take a few weeks of leave and lounge around with him?

If for some reason, the prospect of potentially missing out on opportunities in favour of spending uninterrupted time with this man is not your style (shocking, I know), he would support you in your endeavours and try his best to help you unwind at the end of every day. He would make sure you ate regularly and continued to sleep well, while also providing you with as much wine as you needed to get you through it.

England:

As he has matured, Arthur has gotten better at consoling people. With that being said, he’s still not the best at it.

Expect an awkward, albeit endearing pep talk coupled with a bit of well-intentioned advice.

He may not be the best with words, but he’s the most concerned when he sees signs of physical exhaustion in you. Despite finding it a bit awkward to voice his concern for you, he’s seemingly always nearby with a cup of tea for you and refuses to head to bed unless he knows you are right behind him.

He’s more than willing to accompany you on those restless nights. Sitting beside you, either reading a book or getting ahead on a few of his assignments. He still remembers his younger days when he frequently worked late into the night. At the time, he secretly wished for a companion, and so now he happily fulfills that same role for you. 

A part of him also feels less worried knowing that should things go on for too long, he can step in and stop you before you work yourself too hard.

[lavender-bundle-blithe]

Modern!BSD but...

Atsushi is idol Akutagawa's "pseudo" manager and boyfriend (unbeknownst to the public and everyone that aren't part of their inner circle.) In his words, "Jinko keeps me on top of things. I don't see why I would need an official manager if he's already doing a good job at it."

At first, the fans didn't know who this person was when they caught a glimpse of him in the few chances they have a bit of insight of Akutagawa's crew and routine. Always covering themself with baggy hoodies and cargo pants with tights underneath, white mask with black imprinted tiger stripes and nose, sunglasses, and either a beanie or bucket hat. But after some thought and revelation, they realized that they were Akutagawa's manager! They didn't even know he had one to begin with. And after knowing what Akutagawa calls him, the fans picked up on calling the manager "Jinko-chan" and were completely hooked.

In reality, their history takes it back when they were in high school and Akutagawa was scouted due to recommendations by Chuuya and Dazai. He needed a manager, and while Higuchi offered, Akutagawa didn't want her to deal with his bulls--t. So, wanting to be a good senpai, Dazai dragged Atsushi to intern as Akutagawa's temporary manager! "Seriously, Mackerel?" "Come on, Chibi! Atsushi-kun is actually learning under our dear manager Kunikida-kun! Who else would be a better manager than the one learning under our own?" "( . . . ) S--tty Dazai, Kunikida is his math tutor-!" Which led to quite the conflict between Akutagawa and Atsushi. Akutagawa, struggling with the prospect of the entertainment industry and fame and people with the perpetual fear of his privacy being compromised. Meanwhile Atsushi, a Chinese-literature student and track runner, having panic attacks over dealing with statistics and handling schedules and deadlines all while dealing with not-so good people in his lives, growing anger and spite to his foster father and the busted foster system that split him and his sister apart he was damned to specifically.

But somewhere and somehow, they found themselves understanding the other more better than most. To let Akutagawa sleep better at night, Atsushi deals with issues amongst the fans, taking it to another level when there was even a hint of any privacy leaked and, for some reason, hateful comments. (It shocked Kunikida mostly, he hasn't taught Atsushi this in particular yet when it comes to being the idol's manager). Because even then, Akutagawa just has himself and Gin. And he wants to protect what he has. "I might as well help," he always said to Dazai. But really, he wants to protect them too. And in turn, Akutagawa "begrudgingly" became less harsh on the younger. He couldn't really fire him, and Dazai wouldn't want Atsushi to quit. But more of the fact that he was more exposed to Atsushi's more hidden side, his angrier and spiteful person. And after becoming aware of Atsushi's situation outside of school and being his manager, he offered Atsushi a place to stay in his house with Gin. Because despite himself, he wants to know more about Atsushi, not just as the nice guy from school or his begrudging manager. He wants to know Atsushi as Atsushi.

When Akutagawa's career as an idol fully takes off and he's graduating from school does all those feelings come crashing down. Because that also means that Atsushi is no longer his temporary manager. (They forgot it was all temporary. They have gotten so used to working in tandem that all they worked for, all they built, was temporary.) On the same day of Akutagawa's graduation, he admits that he's afraid what Atsushi has built to protect him and Gin, and that he feels there's much more he wants to know and learn about him. Mutually, Atsushi is scared on what would happen to them both if he wasn't there to protect them, but not so equally scared as to spend the majority of his afterschool time in a place that wasn't his home anymore. Not with that white haired, red-eyed man that all but claims to be his foster father. So they come to a compromise. Not much of a compromise, really. They just continue what they have always been doing, the only change coming to when Atsushi graduates and turns 18. He foresaw that he would be dropped from the foster system like some rubbish and he'd rather not be with his foster-father in the same instance, so he moves into Akutagawa's house early, not that either party minded.

In the present, Akutagawa has a better handling on his idol position, Atsushi is still his manager (and more beyond that) and is living safely with the siblings along with his sister he finally reunited with. They all still live in the same big house since high school, but they're thriving.

Yeah. Things are going well.

(A/N: I wasn't expecting how deep I would go into this wwww ahhh my brain is still fried. I only made this outline entirely of the bit when idols ran and dragged their managers out when the mission was who is the most handsome manager.)

[c0la-queen]

Edd Headcanons | The Older Brother Friend

---

Appearance:

My Edd has tan skin and fluffy brown hair. He's got light, scruffy facial hair but he shaves it every so often so it doesn't get too thick.

His eyes are a warm chocolate brown in my head, but because of his powers they sometimes glow green- in the dark or when he's angry.

Edd is the tallest of the crew in my timeline, a whopping 6'5. He rubs this in and will use his height as a weapon against the others. The type to send those "Send this to your short friend" to Tom and Reader.

I am a chubby Edd truther!!! My man is a big cuddly bear!! So warm and perfect for hugs and cuddles!!! But don't be mistaken, he is still fit. Probably the broadest of the group, with shoulders almost touching the door frame. And while his powers do help, Edd is still on of the physically strongest of the group- before he got his powers, he and Tord were equal in strength.

Has to wear glasses when reading or doing digital art, and to help his eyes they're blue light glasses. Has no piercings, but he does have a tattoo somewhere on his body. Won't tell anyone where or what it is. (Only person who knows is the person he made the bet with, which would be either his sister or Tom)

Family Life:

Has one of the most average family experiences.

His parents are happily married. They were always loving and doting and were objectively good parents.

He has one younger sister. They gave a good relationship, the two get along and still stay in touch even when he's moved out.

But, he also had his own struggles. Specifically during high school, he started feelings like his parents paid more attention to his younger sister's achievements than his. They never favored her or gave her better things than him. But he couldn't help but feel like she was seen as the more academic one compared to him.

Despite this, he didn't hold it against her or his parents. As he matured, he managed to fight through those thoughts.

Has his baby cat Ringo, the most precious thing in his life.

Personality:

Edd isn't the dad friend of the group. Edd is the older brother friend. He cares about the others and is considered as the "head" of the group. (Often likes to joke that he's the alpha male). But, he's not nurturing, he's a little bastard. He can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, and can accidentally take it a little too far.

Steals people's things to piss them off. Not anything super important, and he always gives it back after a short while of teasing. If there's something his roommates don't want anyone touching, he'll usually respect that. (Susan is an exception)

Holds objects over other people's heads where they can't reach it. Reader and Tom are the usual victims of this, but if he wants to do it to Matt or Tord he'll float off the ground.

Has his head in the gutter all the time. The type of friend to hear the word "come" and turn to you with a stupid grin.

"That's what she said." "Deez nuts."

Although he's a bastard, he loves the others. He'll remind them to eat or drink water, drag the group outside when everyone's been inside too long, organize the weekend adventures or the game/movie night, and he cooks dinner most of the nights.

Fiercely protective of all the roommates, but specifically Reader. He isn't afraid to slap the fuck outta anyone who is insulting or threatening any of his people.

Loves playing Mario Kart and Mario Party because he can piss multiple people off at the same time while also winning the game.

Works as a commission artist and animator for a studio. He has a whole digital art setup on his desk in his room. While he still works all week like a normal job, he can set his own hours, take breaks whenever he wants, and is able to work completely from home. He just has to get his projects done by the deadline.

He likes Oreos :D just thinks they're tasty.

His favorite band is the Beatles! It's why he named his cat Ringo- he's loved the band since he was a little kid.

Smells like coffee and mint.

Enjoys watching Studio Ghibli movies with Reader. Especially likes My Neighbor Totoro, since its got the Cat Bus.

Has a big metal water bottle that he painted. I think he'd have an emerald green bottle and paint really detailed fir trees around it.

Has a PC setup for animation/digital art, an iPad for digital art, and a sketchbook for traditional art. Likes to dabble in several art mediums. His favorites are acrylic paint, watercolor, and charcoal.

Plays Pokemon games with the Reader during his breaks from drawing. He's an "all physical attacks, no status conditions" type of player. Prefers grass types but mains cat Pokemon.

Cuddle bug. Loves taking naps with Reader. Will fall asleep with her on the couch, on his bed, or on her bed. The perfect time to nap in his opinion is during rainy days.

Would love to get matching onesies with Reader if she asked him to. Proudly takes pictures with her while wearing them.

Lets Reader sit in his lap while he draws or plays games. Thinks its the cutest thing if she falls asleep in his lap.

Takes Reader with him while grocery shopping. But will trap her between his arms while pushing the cart to keep her from wandering.

Can be really intimidating when he's pissed.

Playlist (Based off My Spotify Playlist of Him):

Hollywood Undead

Childish Gambino

Joji

Rex Orange County

Jack Stauber

blink-182

The Weeknd

[blitz0hno]

Drabble about the whole mikotosys-night-terror chronicles cuz I don't get to write much.

Post trial 2: Mikoto, still deep in denial (although deep denial doesn't mean ur as unaware as you let on/feel all the time), cries himself to sleep again. He hates the long-time habit, but thinking about his life up to this point, especially now... It makes sense, and unfortunately a lot more starts to make sense too.

It was happening again.

Mikoto was laying on the bed in his cell, staring at the ceiling. It was the only time he knew which way was up these days.

And today had been long, and stressful.

Why must he be this kind of person?

Chained up and interrogated.... Es trying to explain why the words "I saved you" echo in his mind.... a fuzzy ringing in his ears overtaking seemingly every conversation he had with the warden; Mikoto did his best to be attentive but was purely pretending. He was sure he dreamed the crime he was accused of, sure of it. It wasn't real, he couldn't do that! He had a future to look toward, and even if some people in his life were holding him back, his urge for quick relief had been but a horror-movie fantasy. A place for his brain to put his anger so he couldn't find it.

He had always wondered where his emotions went when he made them disappear. It didn't look good that nearly every moment now felt like a dream, either.

Answering questions with pen and paper had been particularly difficult. He didn't remember much of that either. He remembered the first couple questions. He remembered waves of frustration flooding his train of thought. He remembered feeling sick when he realized it was over and he thought he had only answered two or three out of the twenty questions.

Mikoto had started off this strange "Milgram" experience intrigued, but the more he thought about the events that led up to this "reality show," the more scared he got. He had always been a forgetful guy, but felt confident enough in his ability to keep track of important things. School, work, home duties, everything was always nearly lined up in his thoughts. Sometimes he had strong feelings about a task, but he was easily able to power through. He was oddly proud of that ability, from his adolescence up to his office job.

Sure, he had been picked on for living outside the city and never going anywhere. But he was reasonably popular with girls and very on top of his grades, which made other students like him well enough he supposed. No reason to feel lonely with how busy he was anyway. Taking care of home with his mom and sister, making sure he remembered to eat and study before shifts, and cramming for tests had all paid off, hadn't it?

He had a career he was passionate about, an end goal, and a stable job at a famous company. Although this job was... Not as glamorous as he had hoped. Nonetheless, he had worked so hard for it. He wouldn't just throw it away.

Not even when his meal times got shorter and shorter.

Not even when his boss made him redo weeks of work on a whim.

Not even when 60 hour weeks turned to 80 hours.

Not even when he broke down and cried after coming home to an onslaught of texts informing him of a deadline being shortened yet again.

He needed to sleep. Without sleep, he became irritated easily, and hiding it with a polite smile always left him with a permanent lump in his throat, as if he could burst into tears at any moment but wouldn't let it happen. When it all got too loud, Mikoto knew how to put it away for later.

Now was later, and he was crying.

He wished people listened to him. If they got to be cruel with no consequences, chain him to one thing or another, tell him to come and sit and stay until 3AM doing paperwork, he should get a say too. A say in how he was spoken to, in his rest, in his mind, anything.

But he second-guessed himself every time, coming up with nothing and doubling down on his polite diligent worker persona.

His chest heaved as he sobbed. How pitiful and pathetic, if they saw him like this. And to think everyone was scared of him now, not only because he apparently really killed people, but now more things he didn't remember were coming up. Torn up clothing he had tried so hard to laugh about reporting to Es; but all the morning he couldn't stop himself from crying, even through his mask. He had heard from others in the past that he talked in his sleep, but the noises? The shredding and screaming and destroying?

That was all new.

And embarrassing.

And mortifying.

Mikoto had no memory of any of it. He thought and thought, but only recalled feeling overwhelmed, perceiving the stares and the body language around him as tense, and the rush of anxiety which was renewing itself again. Out of habit, he searched for the smile he always tried to force through the tears, even now that he was alone.

Another sob.

Alone.

And everyone knew it. His boss, his mom, his baby sister, his peers EVERYONE watched him go it alone, pushing and pushing and succeeding at any cost to himself. But that was the goal, too, to be left alone. Not screamed at, following the rules in place, breaking them if it meant a more pleasing outcome for his current audience. His breath picked up as he remembered every comment, every stare every sneer every nitpick EVERYTHING others did to belittle his hardest work. His sweat, blood, and tears turned into a cycle that kept piling more on his back.

He held his hands against his ears as his sobs turned to a choked wail. Again tonight, he felt like he couldn't stop himself. "I HATE THIS! I'm not smart enough to even remember what I do, not strong enough to even control myself! FUCK!"

Again his uniform shirt felt far too tight. The restraints he had become more used to were suddenly like snakes whose every movement he could feel through the fabric, writhing on his skin. Mikoto screwed his eyes shut and begged to disappear, pulling at the jumpsuit.

Then John screamed.

He tore, he ripped, he fell off the bed and threw himself against the wall as if it would give him more force against the restraints. He couldn't stop. He knew it was his fault, and he knew why it was his fault, but they were hurting Mikoto all the same.

John forcefully wiped the tears from his face. His breathing was ragged as he felt himself grabbing at his hair. This was bad.

He couldn't calm down. Mikoto was beyond upset, he was terrified. John's own anger and Mikoto's fear had them in a frenzy, their hands pulling at anything they could grasp. What could he do? He had to help Mikoto. After all, it was John's fault, John's anger, John's actions that caused him this agony. Mikoto wouldn't hurt someone like that. He couldn't!

"I COULD. I DIDN'T WANT TO!" A shriek escaped his mouth. John didn't feel like that words were his. He took a deep breath, one hand still keeping his hair in a death grip.

The other was over his mouth. John had heard enough of what the other prisoners were able to hear. He was sure that they would be punished if they were any louder; or maybe Mikoto was sure.

He just didn't know anymore.

"They were killing you," John whispered, voice strained. "Even if you didn't do i-"

The words caught in his throat, and John's breath hitched as he felt the world start to blur around him.

"I do remember that I wanted to," came a choked whisper from Mikoto. "I wanted nothing more. Those people - those men... My life was hell. I was too slow with turnarounds no matter how long I submitted before the deadline. They called me day and night like a dog to their side. And th- the way they spoke to me and my coworkers - realizing their contempt toward the working men alone but god the WOMEN-" He sobbed loudly, burying their head in his hands. "The- these are the people our baby sister gets to meet next. The ones our mom married, the ones who lie and cheat and demand and force- they should be GONE they SHOULD. BUT- but I never thought-" he trailed off, curled into a tense ball. He could hardly feel John anymore -

Oh god.

He could feel John.

Like another person in the room, he felt another presence almost by his side. Another sob turned into a laugh at the absurdity of it all. The warden had no dog - Mikoto did.

And it was himself.

And that's why there was another "him," blaming his newfound self for Mikoto's plans and actions.

He felt terrible, in a hundred different ways. "John, it wasn't your fa-" Mikoto stopped mid-sentence, torn between guilt for his other self and the terror of realization hitting. He pressed himself against the cold wall and breathed slowly as he could, suddenly overcome with a clammy, nauseous feeling.

It wasn't a dream.

Mikoto had been sick in his cell once before, during a particularly bad panic episode. He had cleaned it up well and told no one, but somehow he was still met with looks of concern and pity and fear ten times over the following morning. Damn thin walls. The already isolated prisoner was not about to let that happen again. He slumped against the wall, closed his eyes, and grit his teeth as the room spun, wanting only to sleep. If only he could shut down, wake up in his apartment and cry about his shitty day at his shitty job surrounded by shitty people that his shitty singular self did not kill.

The weight of that possibility leaving forever made him feel like he would never eat again.

John felt the pressure mounting in their head and body, powerless to help. Just behind front, able to listen to the perspective he'd been wishing to hear for so long, and unable to do a damn thing. After all the begging to be acknowledged, he still hadn't saved Mikoto. Not by a long shot.

They were both stricken with panic by now, John beginning to pace around the cell and breathing deeply to the point of pain. Anything to keep from spiraling, from causing a mess, from snapping again, from hurting someone or even needing them.

And then they froze, a third voice that felt equally unreal catching their attention. Difference was, she and another were outside themselves , and outside the door to their room.

"He's at it again..." John heard Kotoko sigh faintly, breathing shallow as he stood at a standstill. He was so at a loss that he forgot to be angry at her treatment of Mikoto. Mikoto wasn't a killer. John was. Leave Mikoto out of it, let him live without this pain. It's why John was here to begin with! Did he fail? Did he drive any other help away?

"Ugh. I'll wait here, as you requested. Give him this." John heard a small acknowledgement from Es as they took the mystery item. He flinched, bracing himself.

Were they chaining him up again? Drugging him? What did he get Mikoto into now??

Whether he knew it or not, Mikoto was feeling the same guilt towards John, ashamed for not having noticed and feeling cowardly for running from him.

"John..." Es brought the protector to attention, gently holding out a water bottle. He hadn't even registered that they opened the door. He stared for a second, feeling shamefully and ridiculously dog-like, but took the offering. "How did you know..."

"Because Mikoto puts on airs," Es replied plainly. "He would have forced a posture that was more relaxed, perhaps greeting me as 'Guard-kun.'" Their voice went up a tad as they imitated Mikoto's tone, first amusing and then startling John. Was the switch that obvious? Had he ruined any chance of Mikoto being normal again?

"So you can... You can tell. We really are that different?"

"Afraid so," Es replied. "John, do you two... Do you know how DID happens?" They stood across from him, gauging his reaction. John seemed to be struggling to stay grounded as he explained.

"We never thought we had any sort of amnesia... We once read that it happens when... Oh," John sighed. "I have no idea what happened. But I know... I know..."

"When a child is hurt badly over a period of time, in their very early stages-"

"Yeah I know how it goes." He snapped like John, but John felt the words come from elsewhere. The voice also sound absolutely defeated, the truth having come to reveal itself.

"Mikoto...?"

"..."

Mikoto felt.

He was aware, he knew what he was saying, but his voice was bitter and monotone. He didn't know what to feel. He just felt.

"I don't fuckin know anymore," he sighed. Es was not entirely convinced it was only him - his voice was cold, and while quieter than John's, Es wasn't even sure they had heard Mikoto curse before. Of course, Mikoto was subject to change as any other prisoner, and his demeanor almost reminded them of Fuuta's current state.

Mikoto took a deep breath, standing a little straighter. "I... Suspected it, when I heard about it from some class, and then forgot about it. But yeah, when a mother and a father hate each other, and possibly you, very very much... I know how it happens." His eyes darkened. "Life got better, I think, when Dad left. Mom wouldn't talk about him, and she'd get mad if I even said something that she thought he would... But I could tell she missed him. My baby sis seems okay for her age, on track development and all, but despite all the responsibility I could handle I could never quite get it right."

Es nodded thoughtfully. "So you were ridiculed and blamed for things you weren't even aware was upsetting to your parents? Did they take things out on you, because you were older?"

"I... I guess. I never thought it was that bad," Mikoto sighed. "But living on my own, I started to feel more and more disconnected. More angry, more paranoid... And I started having nightmares. I forgot about those for awhile too. When it started affecting my work, I even tried to forget I was stressed at all."

"Or rather, your mind helped you forget," Es mused.

"It should have stayed forgotten," the prisoner growled. "I can't believe I ruined everything, and I didn't even know it. John wanted to protect someone who forced him to exist because I COULDN'T protect me!" He pulled at the strap over his chest, struggling to keep composure. There was no trace of his fake smile.

"You didn't force anything," Es corrected him softly. "The brain is an organ that adapts to survive. Even had you known, it's not something that can be harnessed and commanded. It's adaptation." It was a simple matter-of-fact, complex as it was. Es hoped they had their facts straight now, anyway.

"So how do we go back to normal?!" Mikoto cried. His hands were shaking now and was sobbing again; he quickly realized how dizzy he was becoming. "I-I need to sit." He lowered himself back to the floor and slumped against the wall, arms childishly wrapped around his knees. He felt nothing but shame presenting himself this way. He was 23, he was a graphic design agent, a working man! He couldn't break down like this! He couldn't have it this bad! Even if he didn't even feel like himself at the moment, even if reality felt completely made up... "There's got- there's got to be a way to fix this."

To his surprise, Es didn't look at him with judgement or pity. The only thing that stood out was curiosity, and they gently sat beside him as they gathered their words. "It's not a matter of fixing, Kayano-kun. You all need... Healing," Es spoke carefully. They figured the nickname would do for now.

"Can't heal from a murder charge," the prisoner scoffed. Mikoto felt reality spin as John spat out his remark. John ran a hand through his hair, smoothing some parts and causing others to stick out awkwardly. "It's still my fault. Those urges, those feelings... They're mine to carry, to protect him from."

"John... maybe you can protect each other. Share the burden. It was one body and, according to Milgram, one prisoner. Maybe if you can forgive yourselves... Milgram will show me a better outcome for you both." That was the best Es could think of to help right now. To think it was upon them to say whether this man was forgivable; he had seen so much of the real world that they themselves had yet to remember, and they couldn't even imagine the stress of his perfectionist lifestyle on top of it all. They wanted to cry from how unfair it all was, but prisoner 009 was the priority right now.

As the warden... They had to do what they thought was best. They almost felt guilty for having Kotoko on standby, even though it was she who insisted. But that didn't mean Mikoto, or even John, was dangerous.

"I know I didn't do the right thing," Mikoto sighed, sitting up as he regained composure. "And it still doesn't feel real. I can almost feel the memory slipping again. It hurts, Guard-kun!" He gripped the sides of his head. Es instinctively reached gently for his hands to discourage him from pulling his hair out, and Mikoto flinched. He hit the barrier between them with his hands as he automatically covered himself.

"Shhh... Mikoto..."

"I'm sorry!"

"You didn't hurt me. I startled you," Es said. "Mikoto, you don't need to remember all the time. That's what your alter John, and any others there may be... Are for," they looked away, thinking bitterly about what may lie in their own memories. "It can hurt to remember, Mikoto. Sometimes it's even dangerous."

"I was dangerous when I didn't remember, too," Mikoto sniffed. "John... He wanted to protect us - protect me - so badly that we hurt a lot of things. Even you."

"Well as for me, Mikoto, my physical health is no worse for wear," Es replied. They were only partly lying - they were exhausted constantly, but John's outburst was long down the list of incidents by now. "I forgive you. Do you... Forgive you? Forgive John?"

"John... I barely know John..." Mikoto sighed, feeling defeated as the words he tried to form seemed to fade from his mind. "But I... I forgive his mistakes. I hope he can forgive me too." Mikoto then felt lightheaded again, but although his throat felt stuck and his chest was tight, his left hand gave a small thumbs up.

Es couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "Well, there you go."

Mikoto heaved a sigh, suddenly feeling more exhausted than ever. "Thank you..." He whispered. He began to cry again, but smiled a smile that seemed to come more from genuine gratitude than fear. "Thank you, Guard-kun. I know... John will be happier now. I'm... I'm really scared. But we don't have to be lonely."

Es stood up slowly, offering a hand to help him to the bed. 009 sat still on the floor for a moment, a small frown forming on his face as he took their hand. "It's... It's John." He whispered, although they were partly holding him upright, Milgram ignoring his presence and giving him away. It felt strange, announcing himself like that, but comfortable too. "I know we can't undo what we did... Thank you for helping Mikoto."

"You deserve help, too, John. Mikoto wants to be there for you, too," the small warden looked up at him with almost a sense of urgency, praying John wouldn't try to take it all on himself anymore.

"Well he can start..." John mused, "by not giving away my cigarettes anymore. How's that?"

"Oh yeah, he did tell me to stop giving those to him even if he asks. I think..." They almost didn't suppress a laugh as they walked the system to their cot; although the situation wasn't funny itself, it was an interesting process. "I think finding those over and over is when he knew he forgot more than he knew."

"Damn right..." John sat down on the bed, the body falling over nearly instantly.

"Goodnight, John-kun, Mikoto-kun," Es said softly, heading towards the cell door.

"Goodnight, and thank you again," John's low voice replied.

As they went out the door, they heard another.

"Oh! Goodnight, Guard-kun!" A soft whisper said from across the room. "...And thank you."

That night was the most restful sleep Mikoto's body had gotten in years. He almost felt like he could finally get used to this. He would never get used to "being a killer," though. He didn't know much about the social perception of DID, so he sure hoped that wasn't a general stereotype.

End.

[uptonogoodindiememes]

One Tree Hill Sentence Meme - Screenwriter's Blues

“You know, even when he talks back to me, I still find him likable,” “It sucks I can’t stick around for this,” “Just smile and say something nice? That really works?” “What are you smiling about?” “I can’t help it, that was amazing. No wonder you were so popular in high school,” “I really wish I could help, but I’m kinda slammed,” “I just came by to wish you good luck and to bring you lunch,” “Why are you so good to me?” “You wanted to see me?” “Do you know why I called you here?” “I guess I’m in trouble, but I don’t know what for, and I sure as hell am not going to start admitting stuff,” “Don’t worry, I’ll be there the whole time if you need me,” “No so fast, we still have work to do,” “You’re kidding, right?” “Like it or not, we have a deadline, and you have a job to do,” “Do you know why I wanted to see you?” “There is no one I would rather do this with than my best friend,” “God, why am I just finding out about this now?” “It sounds to me like you’ve already made your decision,” “You’re my best friend, don’t you know that?” “I am not that girl anymore,” “There is a lot more to me than just sex,” “Just remember things are never as bad as you think they are, even when you’re hormones are trying to convince you otherwise,” “Sorry, I’m late, I’ll start dinner,” “So, how did the rest of your evening go?” “Next time I think I should date someone my own age,” “Next time I think we should just do a guy’s night,” “I know you’re not the same person you were in high school, because I’m not either,” “Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t miss this for the world,”

[sparkymalone]

Have you watched Scott pilgrim the anime?

How about an actors au: "wanna run lines in your trailer?"

Just, maybe with real sparks after the kissing scene instead of the one-sided first love…

D-D-D-DOUBLE POST!!

Here is an ask from fucking January. I'm so good at deadlines, guys.

Anyway, I had not seen the Scott Pilgrim anime at the time of getting this request, so part of the time delay was me thinking I needed to watch it to get the full context. And that took forever, because I have about a million things that I need to watch, but haven't. I'm that kinda bitch.

SO! I have seen it now lol. But really, this fic has very little to do with SP. I really leaned into the sparks thing, though. Uh, maybe more than is reasonable, but here we are.

“...And cut!”

The actors on set all breathed a sigh of relief and turned to the director expectantly. The director walked onto the set to describe what she was picturing to the actors, while some of the extras slipped away to the catering table.

Hajime sighed and set down the tray of coffee cups he was holding, offering one to each person that approached him. This definitely wasn't what he had had in mind when he signed up for film school. All he wanted was to direct, but here he was working craft services instead.

He had applied to Hope's Peak Film School right out of high school, and had taken out a hefty loan to pay for tuition. The school promised results, and Hollywood was positively packed with Hope's Peak graduates, so Hajime had high hopes going in.

Unfortunately, even Hope’s Peak couldn't do anything for someone with no talent. Turns out Hajime didn't have the eye necessary for directing, or for cinematography. He wasn't any good at screenwriting, lighting, or much of anything else, either.

But the school had promised results, so they couldn't very well tell him to leave. Instead, they had bounced him from program to program, trying to find a job he could excel at. Finally, they had stuck him in a “work study” program, which basically meant he was an intern on the set of another student's project.

Currently, he was being used as a gofer by the people on set, going on frequent coffee runs and helping out with catering in between. It was thankless work, and Hajime thought about just quitting every single day. But then he remembered how much money he had spent on this bullshit school, and that kept him from leaving.

That, and getting to see so many beautiful actors. The movie seemed to be some sort of gay romance drama, and as such, all of the lead actors were hot. As much as Hajime hated being there, his inner bisexual disaster was satisfied.

The guy in the lead male role was particularly gorgeous. His name was Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, he was in the same year as Hajime but in the acting program, and somehow this was his first film. Hajime found himself staring whenever he was on set, finding him oddly captivating.

And maybe it was his imagination, but he could have sworn he caught Kuzuryu staring back once or twice.

The actor playing his love interest was good-looking, too, but he didn't seem to be very good at acting. Not that Hajime could judge, really. He had never tried acting, so what did he know? Maybe the guy was actually great.

Judging from the way Kuzuryu snapped at him when the camera was off, however, it seemed like he was pretty bad.

The director resumed her seat and everyone took their places. “Action!”

Hajime watched the scene unfold, and found himself enthralled when Kuzuryu began giving a heartfelt monologue to his love interest. He moved closer to the other man, gazing up into his eyes. The other actor gave a brief response, cupped his cheek, and kissed him.

The kiss looked… bad. Even ignoring the weird twinge of jealousy Hajime felt watching it, the kiss just seemed kind of awkward.

Kuzuryu apparently thought so, too, because he jerked away. “Are you fuckin' serious?!” he growled.

“Cut!” The director hopped out of her chair and approached the scene. “What's the problem?”

The taller man crossed his arms, glaring at Kuzuryu. “I don't know, ask him.”

But the director narrowed her eyes at him. “I'm asking you. That looked terrible. Have you ever kissed anyone before, Leon?”

The actor, Leon Kuwata, balked. “What?! Of course I have! If it looked bad it's because-”

“Hell no, don't try and pin this on me,” Kuzuryu snapped. “You're a shitty kisser.”

Kuwata glared at him. “It's just awkward ‘cause you're so damn short!”

This sparked a shouting match between the two actors. Hajime rolled his eyes, but decided that this seemed like a good opportunity to give the director her coffee.

“Miss Nevermind?” he called as he approached. When she turned, Hajime held out her coffee cup.

“Thank you,” the director sighed, clearly dismayed by the lack of chemistry between her two leads.

“Height has nothing to do with it, you're just a shitty actor!” Kuzuryu was shouting. He caught Hajime's eye and the brunette froze, trying not to notice as Kuzuryu quickly looked him up and down. “I'll prove it to you.”

The diminutive blonde walked up to Hajime, glancing between him and Kuwata. Apparently deciding that they were close enough in height, he looked up into Hajime's face. “What’s your name?”

Blinking in surprise, the intern replied, “Uh… Hajime Hinata…”

Kuzuryu nodded in acknowledgement. “Hinata. Okay. Run this scene with me real quick.”

Hajime was shocked. “W-What? But… I'm not an actor…”

“Doesn't matter,” the blonde replied, waving his hand dismissively. “That's even better, actually. I'm just trying to prove a point.”

Kuwata gritted his teeth. “Fuck you, man.” Still, he obligingly stepped off to the side.

A script seemed to come out of nowhere, being shoved into Hajime's hands. The director, Sonia, cheerfully told him which page to turn to, and then where to stand.

Completely out of his depth, Hajime looked helplessly between the others before taking his place in the scene.

Sonia went back to her chair to watch as Kuzuryu resumed his own spot. “I'm going to start with the monologue again, okay? You just say the bit after that and then kiss me, got it?”

Hajime blushed brightly, but tried to force it down. “Uh, got it.”

Clearing his throat, Kuzuryu once again began reciting his monologue. Seeing him perform up close like this felt totally different, and Hajime felt himself getting swept up in the scene. When the blonde man stepped closer, Hajime instinctively put a hand on his waist. Kuzuryu seemed surprised, but kept going.

The actor finished his line and looked up at Hajime expectantly. Hajime swallowed hard and glanced at the script in his hand. Putting as much feeling into it as he could, he recited his part before meeting Kuzuryu’s eyes. He tucked the script under his arm, cupped the blonde's cheek, and leaned down.

When their lips touched, Hajime felt a strange little jolt, almost like a spark. He chose not to focus on that, though, instead giving all of his attention to the kiss. His lips pressed against Kuzuryu's, both of them tilting their heads to allow their mouths to slot together. The shorter man's lips parted and Hajime, caught up in the moment, slipped his tongue into his mouth. Kuzuryu made a soft noise, somewhere between surprised and pleased.

They kissed for a long moment, mouths moving together naturally. The hand Hajime had on Kuzuryu's waist slid around his back, pulling their bodies flush against each other. Kuzuryu moaned quietly, bracing his hands on Hajime's chest.

Finally, the blonde pulled back, and the two of them gazed into each other's eyes. Hajime's skin felt electric, and he desperately wanted to kiss him again.

Someone off to the side clapped, breaking the spell, and both of them whipped around to face the director. “That looked amazing!” Sonia beamed. “Hajime, how would you like to be in my movie?”

The offer completely caught Hajime off guard. He glanced back at Kuzuryu, who stepped out of his arms. “Uh… I mean… Is that really okay?”

“What the fuck?!” Kuwata demanded, stomping over. “You can't just give him my part-”

“I can and I will,” Sonia declared, her tone leaving no room to argue. “What do you say, Hajime?”

Feeling a jolt of excitement, Hajime nodded. “S-Sure… I'd love to!”

The redheaded actor stormed off, but Hajime found his attention commanded by Kuzuryu, who was idly touching his own lips with his fingertips. When he noticed Hajime staring, he stopped, giving the taller man a confident smile.

“Welcome to showbiz,” he teased. Hajime couldn't help smiling back.

***

Never in a million years would Hajime have expected to be good at acting, but apparently he was. Sonia was thrilled with his performance, and Fuyuhiko (he had insisted Hajime use his first name) seemed to approve, as well.

And that was good, because Hajime would've given anything to keep the role. Playing opposite Fuyuhiko in such romantic scenes was intoxicating, not to mention the electric feeling he got whenever they kissed. Even if it was just for the movie, Hajime was going to treasure every second.

He wasn't entirely sure how Fuyuhiko felt about it, though. The blonde would often look at him strangely, especially after kissing scenes. He was generally pretty easy to get along with, though, once Hajime got past his grumpy exterior.

After a long day of filming, during which there had been a particularly steamy kiss that left Hajime's lips tingling, Fuyuhiko approached him. “Hey, you've been doing really well,” he told Hajime, expression neutral. “But there's still a couple of places I think you can improve. Wanna run lines in my dorm?”

Hajime's eyebrows shot up. He certainly never would've expected Fuyuhiko to ask him to go anywhere, let alone his own room. “Oh, sure. Thanks.”

He followed Fuyuhiko back to the dorms, noting how much nicer his room was than Hajime's. There was enough space for a sofa and a table, in addition to all of the bedroom furniture. Fuyuhiko sat on the couch and gestured for him to do the same.

The blonde looked at him critically, but said nothing. Feeling nervous, Hajime offered a smile. “Thanks for helping me out. I've never acted before, so I'm happy for any pointers you can give me.”

Fuyuhiko was silent a moment longer before finally speaking. “Yeah… Happy to help.”

Hajime furrowed his brow. “Um, is something wrong?”

The actor sighed and leaned against the arm of the sofa. “Look, I kinda had an ulterior motive asking you here.”

Immediately, Hajime's heart sank. This was it, Fuyuhiko was going to tell him he was actually awful, tell him to quit or just straight up fire him - could he do that?

His panicked thoughts were interrupted when Fuyuhiko spoke again. “When we… kiss,” he began cautiously, “do you ever feel anything… weird?”

Hajime's eyes widened. “...Yeah, actually.”

Fuyuhiko looked at him, seeming surprised even though he was the one who brought it up. “You do?”

Nodding, Hajime considered all the on-screen kisses they had shared. “I always feel kinda tingly… electric, maybe. Like-”

“-Sparks,” Fuyuhiko finished for him.

“...Yeah.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. “That's the feeling I get, too,” the blonde told him quietly. “I just wanted to find out… if it was just me, I guess.”

Hajime licked his lips nervously. “What do you think it means?”

Fuyuhiko shrugged. “I don't know.” He paused. “...Maybe it would help us figure it out if we kissed right now.”

The brunette looked at him in shock. Fuyuhiko wasn't facing him, cheeks flushed, and Hajime felt his heartbeat speed up. Finally, he nodded. “Sure, if, uh… If you're okay with it.”

The smaller man slowly turned to look at him, cheeks rosier than ever. “Of course I'm okay with it, dumbass. I suggested it.” Despite his words, he still sounded unsure.

But if he said he was fine, Hajime certainly wasn't going to pass up a chance to kiss him in private.

Hajime scooted closer on the couch, not breaking eye contact. He slowly leaned in, giving Fuyuhiko ample time to change his mind. He was apparently taking too long for the blonde, however, and Fuyuhiko lunged forward, crashing their mouths together.

The kiss was a lot more aggressive than any of their on-screen kisses, but Hajime still felt that familiar tingle. After a moment, he pulled back.

“Sparks,” he breathed.

Fuyuhiko studied his face nervously. “What the fuck does it mean, though? Maybe we should-”

He was cut off as Hajime moved in and kissed him again. This time he parted his lips, carefully licking Fuyuhiko's bottom lip. The blonde made a soft noise, but opened his mouth, allowing Hajime access. As soon as their tongues met, he felt more sparks, exploding across his skin and behind his eyes.

It seemed like Fuyuhiko felt it, too, because he threw his arms around Hajime's neck and pulled him closer. Hajime obligingly wrapped his arms around the other man's waist, kissing him deeply.

After several minutes of passionate kissing, Fuyuhiko pulled back, panting. “Holy shit,” he murmured. “Why does that feel so good?”

“What do you think it would feel like if I kissed you somewhere else?” Hajime heard himself ask.

The blonde's eyes widened, but he didn't move away. Instead, he slowly tilted his head to one side, baring his neck invitingly. Hajime only took a second to be flustered by the situation before leaning in and kissing Fuyuhiko's neck.

The tingle in Hajime's lips was less noticeable than it had been when he kissed Fuyuhiko's mouth, but apparently the effect it was having on the smaller man was much more dramatic.

Fuyuhiko let out a soft moan as Hajime pressed wet, open-mouthed kisses along his neck. “Fuck,” he gasped. “Ngh, that feels fuckin' amazing…!”

Encouraged by his partner's moans, Hajime kissed slowly up his neck, paying special attention to the sensitive spot just below his ear. He kissed Fuyuhiko's ear, as well, tracing his tongue along the shell before sucking gently on his earlobe.

The blonde moaned and squirmed, hands fisted in the front of Hajime's shirt. “S-Stop…!”

Immediately, Hajime stopped what he was doing and sat up, breathing heavily. “Uh, sorry… Was that too much?”

Fuyuhiko didn't answer, instead pushing Hajime against the back of the couch and climbing into his lap. He straddled the shocked man, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes. “Kiss me again, you bastard.”

Hajime didn't need to be told twice. He dove in, kissing Fuyuhiko deeply, arms wrapping around him and pulling their bodies flush together. The blonde gave a pleased moan, throwing his arms around Hajime's neck and pressing himself closer.

In this position, Hajime could feel the bulge in Fuyuhiko's pants, and he was unsurprised to realize that he was just as hard. He was surprised when the smaller man began grinding against him, sending waves of pleasure through both of them. Hajime gasped into the kiss and rolled his hips to meet Fuyuhiko.

After several minutes of desperate making out and grinding, Fuyuhiko pulled back, grasping the collar of Hajime's shirt. “Hah… That feels fuckin' incredible…” He rocked his hips again, moaning at the sensation.

The taller man hummed in agreement, leaning in to kiss his neck again. Hajime relished every gasp and moan he drew from Fuyuhiko's lips, nipping at the sensitive skin. The whole situation seemed unreal, but he was still going to enjoy it to the fullest, cupping Fuyuhiko's ass and rutting hard against him.

Biting his lip, Fuyuhiko pulled away just enough to get Hajime to meet his eyes. The brunette couldn't help thinking how beautiful he looked, with his flushed cheeks and kiss-bruised lips. He was so enamored that he barely registered when Fuyuhiko spoke.

“...I want to feel more,” the blonde told him, almost shyly. “I want you to touch me more.”

Hajime couldn't believe his ears. Never in a million years would he have expected a hot, talented person like Fuyuhiko to be interested in someone like him. Still, he knew better than to question his good fortune.

Lunging back in, Hajime kissed the other man roughly. Fuyuhiko didn't seem to mind, kissing back with equal ferocity. Hajime pulled his partner tightly against him before slipping one hand under the waistband of Fuyuhiko's pants, sliding down to cup his bare ass.

The blonde moaned encouragingly, raising his hips, urging Hajime further. The taller man took the hint, sliding his fingers along the cleft of Fuyuhiko's ass, down to his entrance. He stroked the puckered opening, causing the man in his arms to gasp and break their kiss.

“Fuck,” Fuyuhiko breathed, gazing at Hajime with half-lidded eyes. “Just you touching me feels so fuckin' good…”

Hajime smiled slightly, rubbing more firmly against Fuyuhiko's hole. “Yeah?” he purred, feeling a sense of confidence he had never felt before. “I bet it'd feel even better with my fingers inside you.” Heat rose in his face at how forward he was being, but he didn't back down.

Fuyuhiko licked his lips seductively, draping his arms over Hajime's shoulders and arching his back to give him easier access. “Mmn, I bet it would.”

Breathing heavily, Hajime pulled his hand out of Fuyuhiko's pants just long enough to shove his fingers into his mouth and coat them with saliva. He quickly slipped his hand back under the fabric, trailing down Fuyuhiko's ass to rub slick fingertips against his hole. Watching his partner's reaction, he slid one finger inside.

The blonde's mouth fell open soundlessly, but he didn't look uncomfortable, so Hajime pushed a second finger into him, pressing in deep. Fuyuhiko's eyelashes fluttered and he moaned low in his throat. “Holy shit,” he breathed.

Hajime paused. “Is this okay?”

Golden eyes fixed him with a smoldering gaze. “It feels fucking amazing. Don't you dare stop!”

Biting his lip, Hajime gently slid his fingers in and out, pleased when another breathy moan escaped from Fuyuhiko's throat. Hajime slowly pumped his digits into the other man, watching the way he squirmed and whined.

The taller man swallowed hard. He didn't really have experience doing anything like this, so he was mostly just going off of what he had seen in porn or heard from his friends. It seemed like he was doing a good job, though, with the way Fuyuhiko was moaning and clenching around his fingers.

After a moment, the blonde grasped Hajime's face between his hands, trying to look at him seriously even though he was still being fingered open. “H-Hajime,” he started hoarsely, “I, mmn… I want you… I want you to fuck me.”

Hajime tried to ignore the way his heart leapt into his throat. “...Are you sure?”

Fuyuhiko gasped and rocked back against Hajime's hand. “Hah… Of course I'm sure. With how fuckin' good everything else feels… ahh… I have to know what your cock feels like…”

Letting out a shuddered breath, Hajime felt his erection strain against his pants. “God, I want to know what you feel like, too…”

“So fuck me!” Fuyuhiko moaned, hips bucking.

And god, Hajime wanted to fuck him. Unfortunately, his nerves were still getting the best of him. He decided it was probably better to just confess. “...I, um… I want to, I've just never… done this before,” he said lamely.

Fuyuhiko looked at him in surprise. “What? Then how the fuck are you so good at - mmn~!” He cut off with a sweet moan as Hajime's fingers brushed his prostate.

The brunette shivered as the other man squeezed tight around his fingers. He groaned softly, watching his partner's face. “...Just tell me what to do,” he told him quietly.

Licking his lips, Fuyuhiko reached back and pulled Hajime's fingers out of him. He stood up, looking appraisingly at the tent in Hajime's pants. “Hurry up and get your dick out.”

As Hajime scrambled to comply, Fuyuhiko made his way over to his nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube. He returned to the couch, excitement flashing in his eyes as he caught sight of Hajime's exposed cock.

“Damn,” he chuckled, handing the lube to his flustered partner. Fuyuhiko began shedding his own clothes, undressing completely, much to Hajime's surprise. He climbed back into the taller man's lap, straddling him once more.

Hajime quickly poured some of the lubricant into his hand and began rubbing it over his cock, trying not to get too caught up. Having Fuyuhiko completely nude in his lap while he was still fully clothed was weirdly sexy, and he couldn't wait to finally be inside of the smaller man.

After only a moment, Fuyuhiko batted Hajime's hand away and took hold of his erection. He positioned it beneath him and slowly began lowering himself. The first touch of Hajime's cock against his hole had both of them gasping, an electric feeling running across their skin. Fuyuhiko bit his lip and lowered himself further, allowing the tip to breach his entrance.

The taller man dug his fingers into Fuyuhiko's hips, trembling with pleasure already. Something about the touch of the other man's skin was sending sparks through his entire body. As his cock slowly slid inside, the feeling only got more intense. Tight heat engulfed his cock and his whole body felt like it was on fire, but in the most euphoric way.

Fuyuhiko didn't stop moving until he was fully seated on Hajime's cock, breathless moans pouring from his lips already. “Holy fuck…!” he whined, muscles clenching and unclenching reflexively, making Hajime hiss. “S-So… So fuckin' big, so fuckin' good…!” He rocked his hips as he adjusted, making both of them moan.

Hajime was already completely overwhelmed. The feeling of being inside Fuyuhiko was incredibly intense and he couldn't keep himself from bucking up into him, making his partner cry out. “Sorry,” he breathed, but he was still pulling Fuyuhiko's hips down hard against his own.

Thankfully, Fuyuhiko seemed to be just as eager for more. He carefully raised himself up, almost to the tip of Hajime's cock, before sliding back down. A pleased purr left his throat and he repeated the action, this time slamming himself down roughly.

The blonde started up a slow rhythm, bouncing in Hajime's lap and coming down hard. Both of them gasped and moaned at the sensation, hungry for more.

“Fuck, Fuyuhiko,” Hajime panted, watching the other man's face. “You feel amazing…”

Fuyuhiko met his gaze, not slowing his pace at all. “Mmn, so do you…!” He bit his lip as Hajime's cock brushed against his sweet spot.

“God, you look so fucking good like this,” Hajime murmured, feeling almost delirious from the pleasure. “You're so fucking beautiful, so tight around my cock, so-”

His rambling was cut short when Fuyuhiko lunged forward and kissed him. Hajime wasn't complaining, happily kissing back as his partner rode him harder. He rocked his hips up to meet each of Fuyuhiko's movements, making both of them gasp and moan.

After a moment, Fuyuhiko broke the kiss with a loud cry. He had found exactly the right angle, causing Hajime's cock to hit his sweet spot with every bounce. The blonde arched his back, moaning sweetly as his lover's cock slid even deeper inside.

“Mmn, Hajime~” Fuyuhiko purred, burying one hand in Hajime's hair and looking into his eyes. “You're gonna fuckin' cum in me, right~?”

Hajime nodded obediently. “Hah… Fuck, yes…!”

The smaller man gave a pleased chuckle, muscles clenching around his partner. He leaned forward to nip at Hajime's lower lip. “And you're gonna cum hard, right~? Fill me up~?”

Again, Hajime moaned his agreement. “Please!”

Fuyuhiko slammed himself down harder with every bounce, feeling his climax rapidly approaching. He reached down to stroke his own cock, gasping and moaning. “Ngh…! Fuck, Hajime… I'm so fuckin' close, mmn…!”

“Me, too,” Hajime breathed. He leaned in, pressing sloppy, open-mouthed kisses against Fuyuhiko's throat as he bucked into him. His body felt like it was on fire and the only cure was the gorgeous blonde bouncing in his lap.

With a loud cry, Fuyuhiko finally reached his peak, slamming himself down and grinding onto Hajime's cock. He moaned hoarsely as his inner muscles fluttered around his partner and he spilled over his own fingers.

Hajime was right behind him, bucking desperately into him as he toppled over the edge. Fireworks exploded behind his eyes and he bit down on Fuyuhiko's neck. He buried himself as deeply as possible, filling his lover with his seed.

The two of them collapsed against the back of the couch, holding each other tightly. They were both breathing heavily, gazing into each other's eyes as they tried to get their thoughts in order. It took several minutes for either of them to form words.

“...Wow,” Hajime panted, still grasping Fuyuhiko's hips.

The blonde huffed out a quiet laugh. “Yeah… wow.”

Smiling softly, Hajime tried to formulate another thought. “So, uh… Sparks?”

Fuyuhiko leaned his head against his partner's shoulder. “Still don't know what it means, but… yeah. Sparks.”

“I think,” the brunette began slowly, “it means that there's… something special between us. Don't you think so?” He looked at the other man, eyes hopeful.

It took a moment for Fuyuhiko to respond. “...Yeah. I think you're right.”

Hajime felt his heart leap into his throat. “Yeah?”

The blonde slowly lifted his head, meeting Hajime's gaze. His face was flushed, but he looked determined. “...I like you. The whole reason I wanted to test the whole ‘sparks’ thing was because I like you. And now… I'm sure.” He shifted his weight, reminding them both that Hajime was still inside of him. “Mmn… Be my dumbass boyfriend,” he murmured shyly.

Hajime's heart was pounding, and he immediately lunged in to kiss the man in his arms, feeling ecstatic. Between kisses, he managed to reply, “I like you, too… Of course I'll be your boyfriend.”

Fuyuhiko hummed happily, kissing him back. The two of them stayed entwined on the couch for a while longer, just kissing and muttering words of affection.

Hopefully that was worth the wait?? IDK anymore. I liked it.

[no27-autonation-honda]

thank you to @mossistyping and @oxygenpdf for the tag!

Do you make your bed? I really really try to... but i usually do it when i come home these days.

Favourite number? usually 4, but I also am fond of 2, 13 (because I thought it was sad when i was little that it was unlucky). Also huge fan of 11 and 21.

What's your job? technically graduate student, but I also work in a grocery store (ugh)

If you could go back to school, would you? sort of. I think I'd love to get another bachelors if I had the chance but also. Deadlines. my enemy. (also grad school kicked my ASS this year)

Can you parallel park? I cannot drive, so the answer is not really. however in theory I know how to and have done so successfully (once)

Do you think aliens are real? kinda? not in a way that impacts us, really.

Can you drive a manual car? no!!!!

Guilty pleasure? I have an unironic love of reality television and although it is hilariously academic, man do i love some trashy reality tv. I also love watching just. terrible movies or movies that definitely aren't good or possibly good enough to be even cult classics. this is what novelty seeking does to a motherfucker friends. this is also not much of a guilty pleasure but damn do i love nothing more than an international soap opera.

Tattoos? none yet, but if i ever get over my pain tolerance and fear of needles i have a few i'd like.

Favourite colour? green!

Favourite type of music? I've been very fond of art pop and baroque pop recently, that caroline polachek and florence and the machine type of stuff.

Do you like puzzles? fuckin LOVE a puzzle

Favourite childhood sport? archery! it's not even close! I miss shooting so badly and have every day since I stopped around fifteen/sixteen.

Do you talk to yourself? constantly, and it gets me in trouble.

Tea or coffee? tea.

First thing you wanted to be when growing up? either a shark scientist or a coroner (i am serious, i literally wanted to be a medical examiner when I was little)

What movies do you adore? The Spirit of the Beehive (1973) by Victor Erice. It's a movie about a family in Franco's Spain in the 40s, and it is the most beautifully shot movie I have seen in my entire life. There is a very specific sequence somewhere around halfway into the film with a character playing piano (I think) that absolutely left me breathless the first time I saw it because of how it's framed and how the lighting looks. I think about this film so fucking often. please please watch it if you ever get the chance. Honorable mention to Kurosawa's Ikiru (1952), a movie i watched for the same class I watched Beehive for, and literally cried for almost the entire movie because it really hit close to home in a lot of ways. uh. both of these movies are kind of bananas heavy (so if u watch them, which u should, please do so in a good mental state and mind trigger warnings for death and family dysfunction in both, overt fascism in the first one, and chronic/terminal illness in the second, and probably look up trigger warnings for either ahead of time) so for a fun one, Bringing Up Baby (1938). this movie involves: cary grant as a sexy and beleaguered paleontologist, a missing dinosaur bone, katherine hepburn being so fucking hot and such a fucking problem for everyone in the world and especially cary grant, and of all fucking things, a fucking leopard. it is legitimately one of the funniest fucking movies I have ever watched in my life and i actually fully believe it is a movie every last person should watch at least once before they die. I recommend going in blind as possible and perhaps watching with your best friend who also knows nothing about the film.

tagging @two-tyred-problems @nautical-nasa @stockcarbaby24 and @theladysherlock

[ippid]

Finding Passion - Kylian Mbappé

Chapter – 1

It was getting harder for me to pretend my joints weren't killing me, and I had to actually drag myself out of bed. I always wake up early because I'm motivated the day before to work out, and then I lay in my bed for what feels like seconds but is actually an hour or three. It's a bad habit I'm trying to get rid of without the trying part.

Meaning, I'm thinking about how much I need to do it and then actually not doing it.

Also, a bad habit.

Lately, I've been feeling more and more restless. I'm 19 years old, and I feel like I'm dead inside.

I'm not depressed or anything. Don't have any crazy stories to tell. I don't have any character-building traumas in my past or anything that would make me a person of interest in the slightest. But I'm feeling dead inside because my life is just so damn boring. Nothing ever happens, and I'm living in this stupid cycle where I feel like I'm never moving forward. I'm not accomplishing anything special in life, and I'm not making any crazy money either. I still live at home with my parents, and I've quit two of my previous attempts at college.

My parents are definitely disappointed in a failure like me. I just know it. I know my parents love me a lot, and they treat me well and support me and everything, but I can just tell they're disappointed because I'm not doing anything with my life.

I never wanted to be this way, but I can't help it. Not only that, but I see everyone around me moving forward with their lives. Buying cars and getting their degrees and jobs. I can see everybody enjoying life and then there's me who is just stuck in one place.

As I said, I can't help it. I get distracted easily and I lose motivation fast. The only thing I do basically all day long is search the internet for fan fiction and other interesting stuff that holds my attention but doesn't benefit me in any way. Or listen to music.

It wasn't always like this, though. Back in high school, I was still good. Everything was fine. I didn't have to do much for a good grade, and I knew I was a smart girl. I was good at a lot of things. Math, science, physics, languages, you name it and I could do it without having to kill myself to understand all the information. I was very proud of this fact, to be honest. I thought I was good and wouldn't really struggle much when I graduated.

That was a lie.

After I graduated and applied for college, I thought I would be interested in becoming an Architect. So I signed up and because it was the first year that everybody had to deal with Covid-19, the courses were hectic and everything became too much, too fast, and I couldn't keep up. I had always hated online learning anyway. The information just doesn't register. It feels like I'm watching a tutorial instead of a lecture. I kept putting things off and in the end, I missed the deadlines and felt like I couldn't do it anymore.

So I dropped out.

I lost interest, and I didn't think it was worth fighting for something I was probably not even going to enjoy doing in the future.

Back then, I didn't stress much. I was freshly 18, and I felt like I was still young, and I could explore my interests better.

So I signed up for a different field of study. I went and decided I could probably handle ICT. Wanted to become a software engineer, so I could make a lot of money and travel without having to go to work every day from 9 to 5. I thought it was a great idea and I would probably be able to do it.

I guess not.

Like the time before, these were still online courses and the material was just too complex for me to understand anything on a deeper level without real face-to-face explanations.

I realized some things then.

1. I don't do good without confrontation. In high school, I went to class and the teacher called you out if you had to answer something, and you just had to know these things if you didn't want to look like a dumb fool. So you studied and took in the information that was provided for you and everything was just easy. Here, you don't have anybody coddling you. You have to do everything yourself, and I am very bad at that. I always think I have more time than I actually do and end up procrastinating so much that I actually miss the damn deadlines.

2. I can't do something I'm not interested in because I will never find the motivation to actually research and do everything that is necessary to pass these college courses when I'm not even interested.

3. I really, really needed to search and find what I wanted to do, and what interests me because I can't keep starting up an education and then dropping out.

Not only that, but I think I will end up actually killing my parents if I do that. My mom's been feeling sick lately. Burnt out and tired. They had me pretty late, and my parents are definitely getting old. So I feel like every time I do something to upset them, or don't do something, I suppose, it weighs them down way more than it normally would or should.

Even with these realizations, I haven't gotten really far.

I just know I don't want a job where I need to think overly much and do paperwork all day. I want something creative and fun with variety. Something I won't get tired of. Something with lots of opportunities and where I can learn more without it feeling like a damn burden.

I've always been good at crafting, drawing, and fixing stuff. I like that a lot, so I've thought about doing something in that area, but I still have no clue what. I wanted to try photography. That's also something I'm very interested in since I've always been the designated photographer for people. But if I do that, then I want to be a photographer for sports or idols. Preferably, for K-pop idols. One of the things I enjoy the most.

I wasn't going to come to a decision right now, though, so I would just have to get up and try to help my mom in the house.

I never actually go outside if I don't have to. My parents have tried to get me to go out, so I could do something, but it's always a temporary thing, and it rarely comes from me personally. So I try to at least help as much as I can around the house.

I've never been a party animal. In fact, I've never been to any parties before, except maybe in middle school a couple of times. I have 2 or 3 friends that I snap with occasionally and one best friend who I almost never see.

I finally drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face before anything else.

My hair is a mess, and I try to rectify that with a bit of water after removing it from the bun it was supposed to be in and retying it in a ponytail. It always looks short. My hair doesn't grow fast and with it being so curly, I never really notice any differences in length unless I straighten my hair.

After I'm done with that, I tidy up my room a bit and head downstairs to greet my parents. I find my mom in the kitchen making coffee and my dad sitting at the table with some toast and a newspaper in front of him.

I know, and I told you, my parents are old. I greet him and walk up to my mom to kiss her on the cheek. ''Good morning mom.''

''Good morning sweetheart.'' My mom says, smiling at me. That's new, she's not usually smiling this early in the morning. ''What's up mom?'' I say. ''Why are you smiling like that?''

She brings the coffee to the table and sits down next to my dad before turning to me. "We have something to tell you, honey."

Okay, now I'm even more curious. ''We're going to go on a little vacation, and we want you to come with us.'' Oh. Well, I wasn't expecting that, but I'm definitely not complaining. ''Wow, mom, where to?'' I ask ''And how long?''

''Well, we were thinking about going to Paris for a week. It's not that far from here, so we don't have to go by plane. We can take the train.'' She said. I thought about it for a second while taking a seat at the table.

Like I said before, I never really go out and have fun, but I did always have the desire to travel. We live in the Netherlands, Amsterdam, and I have never been to Paris before. Which is crazy. I heard amazing things about Paris, of course. And it didn't hurt that a lot of people moved there for their studies, so maybe with this little vacation, I can at least find some inspiration as to what I want to do in life.

With that, I made up my mind. ''That's great mom! I've always wanted to go there.'' I say ''When are we leaving?''

My parents look at each other and smile. I could see I made them happy with my enthusiastic answer. They've been a bit more insistent that I have fun in the last couple of weeks. So my agreement is probably a relief for them. I can feel that familiar pang of guilt again. They really do deserve so much better than me. I've got to get my shit together.

I try not to let it get to me while I wait to hear when we're leaving.

My dad is the one that answers after looking over at me, ''We're leaving early in the morning this coming Friday, and we'll stay there for 8 nights. We'll return Saturday evening. Make sure you're packed and ready to go on Thursday, kiddo.'' Wow, I hadn't thought we'd be leaving so soon.

It's Tuesday today, so I don't have much time left till we leave. But that doesn't even matter because it's not like I take forever to get ready. I only have to pack clothes.

The more I think about it the more excited I become. I smile to myself and look over at my parents ''Alright, I'm really excited about this! I'm going to let Jess know!'' I say while getting up, ready to run back to my room and phone, so I could text my best friend to let her know.

''Not so fast kiddo, breakfast first!'' My dad says, making me turn around and sit back down quickly.

My parents laugh while I speed through my breakfast, and once I'm done, I quickly kiss both of them on the cheek before sprinting upstairs, ready to tell Jess the news.

.

.

.

A/N

Word count :  1875 words

[sorryiwasasleep]

Personal rant

I started my final year of schooling last week and I’ve already missed 9 out of 11 classes so far. I’m burning up all my unexcused absences and I can’t even bring myself to care at all because I don’t want to be in this program getting this degree and I feel incredibly trapped and overwhelmed. I can’t make myself do the readings. I can’t make myself go to class. I can’t make myself care. I can’t seem to do anything at all but lay in bed. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this for another year. Fuck, I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this even just next week when I no longer can miss class without an excusal. And I can’t drop out anymore cause the deadline for full reimbursement passed, but also that was never a real option for me anyway cause dropping out would also likely mean moving home and that’s just as bad for my brain. Even right now I should be doing my readings for my class that’s at 3:30, but instead I’m typing this. Because I’m sad and I don’t care. But because I didn’t do the readings? I feel like I can’t go to class, so I WON’T which in turn is a problem cause I am using all my skips and I’m missing the first two weeks of class so I’m going to go in SO fucking confused next week probably. Shit shit shit shit fuck.

TW: weight discussion, emetophobia, eating disorder mention (just by name nothing specific), ARFID, depression, anxiety, apathy, mention of American politics

Heavier discussion below

I recently realized (i don’t have a scale in my apt) that I lost about 40 pounds in the span of about 5 months all from a combination of stress/my ADHD medication suppressing my appetite (vyvanse bitch ass doesn’t even work) and stress induced vomited and also vomiting because I treat my body like shit (don’t drink water, cope with unhealthy substances a lil too often, don’t eat anything remotely healthy, barely eat at all anymore if I’m being honest). I knew I’d lost some cause clothes were looser. I thought it was like 10. But no I know how much I weighed in March and it was a full difference of 40 and I know part of this stress and the stress induced vomiting are being caused by school and it’s like… I have another year. Am I just gonna keep wasting away? Something’s gotta give here and I know shit has to change but I have absolutely no drive to actually climb out of the hole I’ve buried myself in. I feel like there’s no point and that even if I crawl out, the world is the same and my family is the same and I’m still in this program and so nothing is actually different anyway. I just wanna let the dirt consume me. I wanna lay in my bed with a sitcom playing mindlessly in the background while I work on my silly little fanfictions until everything just stops except I lay in bed and don’t even do those things but am paralyzed by all the things I should be doing instead that I neglected because I didn’t care and I still don’t care enough to do it, but I feel bad enough to not do anything else either in that time. And I know that’s BAD and that having no motivation for anything is obviously super a ‘ur depression is worse girl’ (hi yea i fucking live inside this stupid head so I already fucking know that. @/my psych and parents). but I keep getting cancelled on or stood up by therapists and my psych has told me three appointments now shit like ‘Well what do you want me to do about?’ (Without even fucking considering something like uhhhhh… idk changing the meds I’m on? Since I’m at the max dose for my anti depressant and I’ve been on it for about half a year and I feel it stagnated because while it seemed to help when I started, now I’m worse? Like, I tell you I feel the worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life and you answer ‘And what do you want me to do?’ YOUR FUCKING JOB? Provide me with my options???? Not be a dick?) And she keeps saying I have to find a therapist because the meds only do so much (I had one but she went on maternity leave in January and then when she came back from it I was too broke to pay every week (which is what my bitch ass brain needs) and then when I wasn’t broke any longer she had ghosted me and she also was my provider for two years and never actually gave me any coping mechanisms so I kinda wanted a new one anyway). The psych did not like when I laughed at her and said “And will you fucking pay for it?” in response the first time she said it even though obviously I know she’s right.

My roommate told me the other day also that I need to get a therapist and that I have to focus my energy into that because she can’t listen to me say the same complaints anymore (she said it nicely, but like I’m crying rn thinking about it and will likely never feel safe to share with her anymore for worry of annoying her.) She also said she doesn’t think I want to help myself. That she wants me to get better and obviously it’s shit what’s happening but that I’m not doing the (what are to her obvious and to me impossible to actually do because of familial enmeshment and financial dependence) things that could maybe make things better. Even though… I AM trying to help myself. Yea it’s not the best I can be doing, but it’s as much as I can fucking manage given my surety that none of this matters and isn’t that worth something? I’ve been looking for a therapist since MAY. They keep standing me up or cancelling or they’re booked or they don’t take my insurance. I had five (5) telehealths where I got stood up. Starting therapy anew is already terrifying but when the person doesn’t show up it just feels like shit. It made me feel like they looked at my paperwork and decided I wasn’t fucked up enough when the reality is yea I held back slightly but that’s because I needed to know the vibes of the place first. That’s not what happened (for at least three appts anyway. The other two ghosted me also after so I never got explanation so maybe it did) but I still felt that way and for someone who already has a lot of problems with imposter syndrome and deep insecurities around being forgotten it really sucked and was incredibly unprofessional of any worker but especially mental health care professionals to do. I have one on Friday. Let’s hope this one doesn’t stand me up 🤞 Also, back to my ungodly amount of rapid weight loss, I did have 40 pounds that could’ve been shed and I am still not what would be consider ‘skinny’ but an average weight, so the worst part of this whole thing is that people are telling me i look GOOD now. Literally it was my MOM. She always implied I’m overweight and need to lose it and pretends like it’s ‘in your best interest honey’ meanwhile I can’t even do the fucking obligations I’m tied to? You think I can fucking do EXTRA? And yea I should use that kickboxing class that I bought, but not to lose weight mother, but because I’m not physically fit in that I cannot go up stairs without getting winded and because I have all the rage in the world (a portion of which goes to her!) and hitting things makes me feel better and it expires soon and was $40 I won’t get back. None of those reasons have to do with my weight, but if I mention I went to that class to her? She’s going to be SO excited on the phone, for all the wrong reasons thinking it’s me trying to get thin, when it’s me trying to get healthy. That is not equivalent to weight loss necessarily, as clearly evidenced here since I lost a shit ton unhealthily. This weekend I got a ‘Do you lose weight? Cause you look great!’ from her. 🫠🙄And i know that people would even more so do that if I do continue on this path of wasting away even though I’m actually unhealthier than I’ve ever been with my eating habits and the weight loss is a result of my depression and anxiety spiraling worse. How about we as a society stop fucking commenting on other peoples weight period full stop. Also it’s SAYING something that I’m the worst ever rn because food and I have always had a weird vibe. I recently learned what ARFID is and I’m fairly confident I’ve had that my entire life and just never had the name for it so that’s certainly something. Anyway idek what the point of this was other than for me to shout into the void because I was sad. If the void wants to shout back and tell me how I’m supposed to function in this life that’d be great cause I didn’t even HIT the state of the world and how that causes half my lack of motivation for anything in this post, but god the American political and legal landscape fill me dread and anxiety and anger and I can never escape them.

TLDR: I’m sad, I can’t bring myself to go to class at all in these first two weeks of classes. I need a therapist but they keep cancelling when I finally get an appointment and find one that accepts my insurance. My psych is kinda bad and my roommate was trying to help but did it in a way that hurt me more. I wanna drop out but can’t and also school is impacting my mental health so severely that I lost an extreme amount of weight in a short amount of time. Got complimented by mom even though I’m literally unhealthy. Separate from that but intertwined, I might have ARFID, possibly for my whole life and I am genuinely SHOCKED it never once was suggested by a medical professional to my parents when I was a child.

[tchallasbabymama]

I miss your fics sis 😫😫😫 can we get a preview of a wip? I’m itching like a crackhead 😂

Here's a preview of Orbit, my Okoye x Nakia fic. I had hoped to enter it into the Black Panther fandom reset, but I don't think I'll be able to get it done by the deadline. Maybe... we'll see. 👀

There’s always a specific moment when you realize you care deeply about another person. For Okoye, it happened on that tumultuous night when she met Nakia in the throne room in secret. She feared she’d never see her again, hear her melodic voice, smell her jasmine perfume… she feared for Nakia’s safety more than she ever had before. Nakia being a War Dog never bothered Okoye one bit because she always came back to Wakanda a few times a year at least, so she was never really gone. But when Nakia told her of her plan to escape after Killmonger took over, Okoye felt her heart rip from her chest. 

Okoye was caught off-guard by her own feelings. She was a married woman, after all, but that marriage didn’t last much longer after her revelation. The divorce wasn’t just because she was in love with someone else; they had plenty of other irreconcilable differences. Most notably, her ex-husband committed treason against the very crown she had sworn her life to protect. Needless to say, that by itself was enough for Okoye to file for a divorce as soon as the dust settled from the civil war.

The months following her divorce left Okoye reeling emotionally. She hadn’t just lost a husband, but a friend, too. W’Kabi had been her high school sweetheart, but before that, he was just the peanut-headed kid next door that she played with growing up. They married shortly after graduation, and since neither wanted children, it remained just the two of them for over a decade. That kind of lifelong bond was hard to let go of, but one thing Okoye valued most in this world was loyalty, and he had proven himself to be just the opposite. It took her a year of therapy before she even thought about trying to date again and another year before she found someone even marginally worth her time. It didn’t matter, though; nobody could compare to the occasional dreams she’d have about Nakia. Their kisses didn’t ignite her the way Nakia’s kiss did that day in the infirmary after the war. 

She often wondered if Nakia ever told T’Challa about it. They weren’t together when it happened but reconciled shortly after. Seeing Nakia and T’Challa together never made Okoye feel jealous, but after they shared that kiss, Okoye grew uneasy around them. Luckily, with Nakia moving to Oakland to run the Outreach Center, that meant there was very little time for awkwardness on Okoye’s part. Not only that, but T’Challa and Nakia’s relationship came to an end again shortly after the move. Okoye felt for her king, having to get over a woman like that…

However, despite the triangle that only two of them knew about, T’Challa and Nakia remained close friends. They just didn’t see each other often because of work, which meant that Okoye hardly ever saw Nakia either. In fact, in the three years since Nakia moved to Oakland, Okoye could count on one hand how many times she’d laid eyes on the former War Dog in person: once for the Outreach Center’s grand opening and again once a year for the Center’s annual gala. 

Time had changed Nakia. It used to be that she couldn’t see herself settling down in one place for too long, but these days she’d be hard-pressed to leave Oakland. As much as she loved Wakanda, Oakland just felt more like where she was meant to be. Nakia’s appearance had changed over time, as well. Maroon-colored locs dusted her shoulders, and while her job kept her active, she had gotten a little thicker over the years. 

However, one thing that would never change for Nakia is her love of dating, even though the dating pool in Oakland left a lot to be desired. Getting all dolled up and going out on the arm of a hottie was Nakia’s whole deal in college, and she certainly brought that mentality with her to the states. Nakia was what one would call a serial dater. She was never single. Ever. 

Until now.

Her rotation had dried up, and there was nobody new on the horizon. The dating apps were fruitless, and she hadn’t met anyone organically in months. T’Challa, who found her dating stories amusing and often retold the stories to Okoye because he was an insufferable gossip, grew worried about his friend when he realized her birthday was nearing. Another thing that hadn’t changed about Nakia was how important her birthday was to her. When she used to go on missions, she’d let it slide for the sake of the job, but whenever she was either in Wakanda or Oakland, Nakia wanted a little something from whoever she was dating…but there was no one this year to bake her a cake or give her birthday orgasms. Just the cupcakes some of the volunteers presented her with during her lunch break.

Nakia sighed and sat back in her chair, absentmindedly licking icing from her fingers when her kimoyo beads chimed with a notification. She didn’t even look before answering; she already knew who it was.

“So this is thirty-five?” she droned. “You should’ve warned me, T.”

“About what?” T’Challa laughed.

“How boring it is.”

“Don’t blame the age; I feel just fine.”

“We don’t all have superpowers. Some of our knees pop when we stand up too fast.”

“Your knees have been popping for years, Nakia.”

“Did you call to insult me?”

“Not this time,” he snickered. “I have a gift for you.”

Nakia perked up in her seat.

“For me? What is it?”

A soft knock rapped against the door.

“Just a second, T. Come in!”

The door opened slowly, and Okoye peeked her head into the office, a sly grin parting her luscious lips.

“Surprise.”

[termytheantisocialbutterfly]

Ok but if possible to describe without revealing personal info how is life about to hit the littlest sister like a truck?

She left my dad's house because she didn't like the way they were treating her and moved in with the middle sister, who started working more to try and make this work. It is not working; littlest sister barely goes to school, does not have a job and so needs someone else to pay her phone bill and for her overdrawn account (she just had to have the new wizard game despite having no money), refuses to learn the bus system and stop relying on middle sister (who works 18hrs a day subsidizing her life) for transport, will not clean up after herself, and let's her dog (which she got without consulting anyone and without permission from a puppymill while living on middle sister's dime) go to the bathroom in the house. Apparently littlest sister is currently sleeping in the living room because her bedroom smells like piss since she lets her dog go to the bathroom in there and won't clean up after it.

A few weeks ago, we had an "intervention" of sorts where we told her what the expectations were and the effort she needed to show towards fixing these issues to be allowed to remain in her living situation and she has thus far refused. Her deadline is this Wednesday, which means this Wednesday she's going to find out that these were not empty threats and she is going to have to move out. There's a pretty thorough support system around this that's familiar with what's going on, so likely she won't actually hit rock rock bottom but our uncle is definitely going to be a more strict housing situation if she convinces him to take her and our dad is going to require a lot of groveling and pride swallowing. Either way, it's not gonna be a fun time for her, since I for sure will not be taking her in.

She may end up surrendering puppy mill dog to the middle sister, also. She was originally hoping to surrender puppy mill dog and get the dog she was replacing with puppy mill dog back (a purebred our dad bought and took from her when she moved out), but middle sister advised that littlest sister would not be allowed another dog in the home after surrendering puppy mill dog and also that's it's really fucked up for littlest sister to talk about "proving she can be responsible and financially independent" for the dog she doesn't have when she can't be bothered to be either of those things for the dog she chose to get without discussing it with anyone. Still, she may end up having to surrender it as I highly doubt any other home situation is going to accept a dog she refuses to even so much as potty train.

[literaticat]

Regarding the question about the returning materials by a certain date, are they likely to take into consideration if the person replied early (viewing them as more efficient?) or if they sent it back on the last possible date (would they view that more negatively?) or do they really not care either way? I have to remind myself this isn't school but just wondering if someone sending back material early or right before the deadline matters either way. And in general to publishers, contest or not.

The particular question you are referencing is specifically about a competition of some sort, so I'll tackle that first. In my experience, if an organization is requesting something like applications / contest entries, those are going into a dedicated inbox. Think of it like a bucket. When the deadline happens, the lid goes on the bucket, and no more entries are accepted. But anything IN the bucket gets considered in the exact same way -- there is zero difference if you sent your thing in the first day or the last day, on a weekend or in the dead of night, nobody is looking at that and they probably can't even see that because they are looking at the materials themselves.

For example, I am one of the people that looks at applications for my agency's Summer Mentorship program. We get the applications in the inbox and every few days, pull the resumes and cover letters and put them in Dropbox and add to a spreadsheet which is sorted by applicant's name. When the deadline comes, we don't take any more applications, and we start going through the applications we have -- but they are just done in alphabetical order, there is no way for anyone looking at that spreadsheet to know what day or time the thing was sent in, nor would it matter.

So let's move on: When it comes to sending things back to agents or publishers, there are two scenarios -- deadline or no deadline.

Let's say an agent has asked for a revision. If it REALLY IS just a couple of extremely minor tweaks they asked for, fine, do it fast. But if there are a fair amount of notes and they haven't given a deadline, or given a very vague deadline, like "take a few weeks!" or "send it back in a month or so!" -- I would suggest you actually NOT RUSH. If they gave a ballpark time, they probably expect it is about that amount of work, so just take your time and get it in around that ballpark time. Truly: Take the time you need.

But if they haven't given a time frame and say something like "I know this is a fair amount of work and it might take a while, no huge rush" -- LISTEN TO THAT. If you turn the revision around in an hour, or a day, or even a couple of days, that's a red flag, actually. I don't think "wow they are efficient!" -- I think -- wow, they must have rushed, did they even really have time to THINK about it, let alone let it rest and re-read it, etc? If you DO finish ultra fast -- I'd strongly suggest you sleep on it and re-read it a couple days later, because if you turn it around in five minutes, it will seem like you rushed it and didn't do a thorough job.

There is no ticking clock here. We'd prefer the work take a little longer but be polished and great than it be fast but shoddy.

Let's say you DO have a contract and a true deadline with a publisher. In that case, keeping to your deadline is important, and it's fine if you are a bit early -- but actually, you don't need to TRY to be early, and you don't get a prize for being EXTRA early. Because they are working on a lot of projects at once, and they have (ideally) actually blocked out time to work on this -- and that time won't start early. So if it is due in April and you send it in February -- they will probably get to it in April at the earliest. So again - a little early, fine, whatever, but by the deadline is ideal. If you know it's going to be pushing it and you might be down to the wire and need a couple of extra days or something, just let them know, it will pretty much always be fine.

If you know you will need a LOT more time -- let them know AS EARLY AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN, because shifts by weeks or months will potentially mean that publication dates need to shift as well, and that's many people's schedules and timelines that will need to shift. They will probably be able to accommodate you to some extent but the sooner they know, the easier that will be.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Hey! I need some help if you don’t mind.

I’ve been seriously struggling with writers block and I’ve just been feeling like everything I write is shit.

It might have something to do with my creative writing class and having to write stuff for actual assignments and a grade and I’m really fucking terrible with deadlines so I feel like my work never lives up to its full potential so it’s really getting me down.

On my alternate account, I started writing but I only have the first part posted and it hasn’t been updated in around a year or more. I want to start writing for it so badly especially after someone commented that they want more, but I’m stuck in this slump. I also entered a bunch of collabs and I never finished or posted them and I’ve felt like a shitty horrible person ever since so I feel even less inclined to write even though I really wanna write and finish them.

And on top of school, I haven’t had enough time (or given myself enough time) to write at all.

I’m really stressed and scared because writing fan fiction really means a lot to me and I hate feeling so unpassionate about something I love and used to be so freaking passionate about.

Do you have any advice? Have you ever felt like this? What do you do when you get writers block or in a slump?

I’m sorry for the long message but this has been tearing me apart for weeks.❤️

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through that but I'm afraid I can't be of much help. Of course I've gone through multiple writing blocks, some lasting months but I don't really have good advice.

I think there are two ways of dealing with it: either you just don't try to force it and let it run its course until you become motivated/passionate again or you just write even if you don't like it because it's way easier to go back and keep refining the work you made rather than starting from scratch.

The second method is what I use most often. I just write whatever shitty draft comes to mind then I keep reviewing it and adding and altering thing. Each time i review it gets easier and better.

As for the work not living up to your expectations, I used to struggle with that a lot too but I just became so busy with work and other things and I had to face the fact that either I accpet the work for what it is or I don't post at all. Fanfiction is not my job and if I spent inordinate amounts of energy and time to perfect it, it would only harm me in the end because it would take away time out of my actual work and life. Besides, it's a hobby and hobbies are meant to be fun, not make you feel bad and guilty. I personally don't enter into any collabs and only do requests etc if I make it absolutely clear that there is no guarantee that I will actually follow through with it because I know it would only make me feel miserable if I don't.

The class is probably the reason things are going so bad for you so maybe when it's over you'll feel better and start enjoying writing again. I too am kind of going through this because of my work and other obligations so I have been writing very little and it upsets me because I really wanna update yamqn but I keep reminding myself that it's just a fanfic and while I love it and enjoy it, my real life comes first and I'll get to it when I get to it. I even warned readers multiple times that the chapters won't be as long or as good as previous chapters because I simply don't have the luxury to waste time and effort on it anymore and I and them are just gonna have to accept that since writing is not my actual job

[evelynndecipio-blog]

Dearest, Decipio

Since I know this is already gonna happen, sorry about Evers (that's the owl). He's a massive pain in the ass to pretty much everyone on the face of earth except my mom. If he tries to pecks your hands just give him a mouse or something. If I could I'd send you letters with a different owl but my mom thinks Evers is just the best. He's not. Your owl is super cool though! I don't know much about owls to be honest. My mom pretended that Evers was just a normal owl in the wild that liked to hang around our house before I learned about the wizarding world and even when I started to go to Hogwarts I wasn't really that into birds either. I know my friend Dea has a owl who's very cool but honestly I just really like cats. Big cat person over here. The school ones are good enough for sending the ocashunal emergency letter home to my mom or my dad but Evers usually does all the heavy lifting for me. Maybe that's why he hates me so much.

AND HELL YEAH! Hufflepuff totally crushed the pulp out of those Russian wizards. I mean my tent sucked ass wasn't really the best but the game itself was really cool. Everyone was super fast on their brooms, and all the Hufflepuff players did really well. Serena was so fast, and she and Kovacs got the snitch! What a team! But I agree... maybe I should get a video camera or something. Do you think the wizarding world has video cameras? Then we could tape games and include clips in the Headliner, right? Well, I hope your friend does a good job describing the game. I don't remember a lot of it, to be honest, I was kind of staring at Alexx in aw the whole time so I don't remember a lot of details. I think I want to join the Quidditch team when we go back this fall though. Maybe I can put my insanely awesome muscles to use.

And I barely even saw Cecily! What's up with the Ravenclaw Quidditch team? Are they like a bird cult or something? I barely even saw a hair of her blond head during the entire camp which was a major bummer. We should hunt them down during the school year, along with other Ravenclaws. I know there's one that I kind of want to talk to anyways, so like 2 stones with one bird, right? Maybe we can set up like a interrogation room in the Headliner office... or what do they do on those police shows? Like a tip line?

Speaking of the Headliner, I think I'm going to quit writing for the it. I... I actually haven't even talked to Alexx about this yet, but I don't think I want to write anymore. I mean don't get me wrong I love the Headliner a lot and the people on the team too. But I don't even like writing, man. Especially not articles. It's like homework, except other people besides you're professors read it! I joined the Headliner because... uh... well I didn't join it because I loved writing. But I've been watching the printing team do their thing since the day I joined and I think I could do that you know? I don't know. I could put up with the deadlines and the writing in the beginning but now I'm not so sure. I heard 4th year is supposed to be really hard with a lot of homework, and the printing side of stuff seems less stressful. And frankly, a lot less work.

And part of me is wondering if my writing was even any good you know? My mom read the first couple of paragraphs of this letter over my shoulder cuz she's a freak and she said my writing was really hard to read! And that it didn't flow, or whatever that means. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a writer. I dunno.

Anyways I hope you're excited for your... what, second year? Honestly the homework was a pain in the ass but I guess if you're as nerdy as everyone else on the Headliner you'll enjoy learning about the stuff. I liked Transfiguration especially, Cy really knows how to get your blood pumping during her lessons. Love her.

I hope you're having a good summer!

XO's Ami

ps my mom's a nerd a made you and your family some cookies. There vegan though so IDK if you want to eat them... take a bite and tell me what you think I guess.

(( In a different hand: ))

July 31, 2020

[supergalaxysam]

No Streams?

I'm sure those who are avid viewers of my twitch streams have noticed an obvious lack of streaming recently, here's why:

I've been quite busy this past June and July, resulting in myself not finding the time to stream as I've been needing to invest my energy into trying to sort out my life--Reorganize my living/workspaces, grind *tons* of work shifts to try digging myself out of my self-made financial pit and begin financial recovery, build up a credit score, research homeownership.....the list goes on.

I now officially have 2 jobs, with one only being active during the school year. I'm not sure how I'll juggle the two yet, as the one I'm working this summer is quite new and I'm still getting accustomed to everything that goes along with it.

I'm also not used to having a more stable income, the last time I had one where my pay is either very frequent and/or the paycheck is decently sized was back before the pandemic. Prior to picking up this second job, I only had my first one which pays me around 400USD bi-weekly, resulting in an underwhelming 800USD monthly budget or less.

The new job's scheduling is flexible, but its flexibility is a double edged sword, as it means shifts aren't guaranteed and are a "first come, first served" situation. The stability comes from the ability to opt to obtain your shift's pay early via Dailypay, which is great for someone like myself whose checkings and savings accounts have gone in the negatives before.

It's not perfect nor is it good to rely on Dailypay as a crutch, but least I can feed myself using it until I'm more financially stable and can wait on getting paid through regular paychecks. I do have EBT (food stamps) but I personally find them unreliable. CalFresh (state food stamps program) has screwed me over more than helped me.

I sadly don't have much in the bank, but it might finally begin to be getting better. I still sometimes financially relapse as my mental health had gotten awful since 2022 and resulted in developing bad financial habits.

I'm very lucky this new 2nd job is very easy, save for needing to drive everywhere and sacrificing sleep for staying up for long overnight shifts. It's also very isolating and lonely work, but it's very mellow and quiet, and I don't have to deal with much sensory stimuli--It's one of the few jobs I've worked that are excellent for my AuHD (Autism+ADHD). I can't work many jobs due to my AuHD and physical disabilities.

It does pay slightly better than the Californian minimum wage, but it's nothing special. It provides myself a start in financial recovery, but the path to recovery is turning out to be far harder than I thought. If I can reach 50USD in each account, and keep the two 50s intact for two weeks, I'll consider that to be a major victory.

__________________________________________________________

As for housing, I've been trying to research homes and homeownership lately. Technically, this has been a thing for a while, but I do have a deadline in mind of when I want to move away from family. I aim to live on my own by 2027, though ideally I think earlier is better for my own self-growth and mental health.

The process has been very scary and daunting, especially after taking my first steps towards homeownership in spring by forming connections with a real estate agent, and visiting vacant properties (strictly vacant undeveloped land) on my own. It's led to myself visiting all sorts of places I normally don't visit, do research on cities and towns I've never heard of until my research, and consuming a lot of media regarding real estate.

My original plan was to purchase vacant land to build a home on, but that may change. I also have to accept that I don't have much control over where I can choose to live thanks to my low income.

In my case, that likely means having to choose to live out in one of the desert cities or towns of California and research if it's more cost effective to own a motorcycle as I'll need to commute to work.

__________________________________________________________

Simply put, I'm out of my comfort zone.

My summer can be summarized as the following:

I'll try to return to streaming mid-July if I can work out a doable life-work schedule without causing myself to keep spending excessive money. I want to stream again, but please understand I'm an adult trying to improve myself and my life right now, so that currently takes priority.