#to make up for the fact that my ADHD makes it difficult to stay with anything for long (and thus i had little to show for my work)

[miodiodavinci]

peace and love on earth <3

[copperbadge]

i was thinking of you the other day and your discussions of your ability or lack thereof to visualize things in your mind, because someone asked me who all had been at a gathering, and i answered them by calling up the room in my memory and looking around it to see who was there. and it occurred to me after the fact that i suppose probably not everyone can do that? but i could even tell you at least approximately what everyone was wearing (color, cut, maybe not precise pattern, but the general style, sure). and while i can’t swear to you that it’s 100% accurate because i don’t have a picture to compare it to, i think it’s pretty close.

but now i’m curious - what would your thought process be if you were asked the same question? if you can’t just look around the room in your mind, is the memory interaction-based? or like… voices you remember hearing? or something else?

Well, bear in mind that I haven't got a great memory to begin with -- possibly the ADHD at work, but also there's a condition that's frequently comorbid with aphantasia called Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory -- people with SDAM have trouble recalling huge chunks of their lives and when they do have recall they often remember it as if they'd been told it, they have no emotional sense attached. For example, I remember a trip I took where I had to do some hard shit and it was really scary, but I don't remember the feeling of being scared, I just remember that I was. I have no idea how long the trip was, no memory of the hotel room, very little memory of doing the scary thing. I know I did it, but there's not a lot of attachment there.

This is not ALWAYS the case -- for example I have extremely fond memories of certain other trips -- but I don't really seem to be able to switch it on or off. Like when I was in Europe, I stayed in an AirBNB in London, but by the time I got to Rome like, five days later, I couldn't remember what it was like. I ended up spending a little time one evening kind of calling up memories of where I stayed in London and in Paris to try and hard-code them into my memory, and that worked, but I also needed the help of photos and tumblr posts I'd made to achieve it. ("What did it even look like? Well -- wait, I cooked some pizzas in the microwave while I was there. The microwave was on the counter, opposite the bed, and -- oh, okay, I remember now.")

So like, I would have no goddamn idea of the majority of people at any given gathering where I attended, but is that SDAM, ADHD, a function of my anxiety in social situations, or the aphantasia? Difficult to say.

I hosted a get-together on Sunday and because I was host and there weren't that many people in attendance I could name them off, but I couldn't tell you what they wore. The last party I attended, a week or two previously, was at a friend's house and it was mostly folks I was at least passingly familiar with, but I am bad with names and so couldn't NAME a lot of the people there -- but for example I could say "Well, the hosts were there, and I spoke with X, Y, and Z, so they were definitely there, but I also spoke with like four other people whose names I didn't get. I dunno what any of them were wearing even though it was a costume party." But yeah to even come up with that I would have to think about when I arrived, walk myself through whatever I remember of the event in linear order, and just note down who I spoke with. If I didn't speak with them, or if I didn't know them well, they didn't exist for me.

So I guess the answer is that my memory isn't visual and also just kinda...isn't there a lot of the time. It's not like amnesia, or the profound brain damage you read about where the person only remembers the last ten minutes or doesn't remember anything past a certain date in their life, but I just haven't got much memory for things. It's why I use a lot of lists and spreadsheets and make yearly photobooks.

My photo archive on my computer goes back to about 1998, and it's sorted by year, but the top level folder all the years are stored in is simply titled "Where I've Been" 'cause I probably wouldn't remember, otherwise.

[stealthetrees]

Okay I’ve snapped.

If you say Percy Jackson is stupid I will find you and make sure you regret it.

I have inattentive type ADHD. I was diagnosed in 4th grade and got put on medication. I did not think there was a difference but I got an award from the school for how much I improved. They didn’t know it was because of meds.

Before I was diagnosed I remember being on the verge of tears often at school because I got so frustrated that I couldn’t do work. I sat at my desk with the pencil in my hand staring at a worksheet physically unable to write the awnser I knew. I would stare at the question and like an optical illusion the rest of the page blurs together and I can’t even make out word anymore.

I thought I was dyslexic for the longest time because some fonts are so difficult for me to read. I could look at a recit, know it says lettuce, and it will not process in my brain. Unless I am a few hours away from a deadline it is nearly impossible to start assignments. Essays are hell.

You know those songs that have an American accent but are completely nonsense? That’s what it sounds like a lot when I listen to people talk. Usally I can grasp the general meaning but I can not tell you what word you just said.

Time is not real. I sit down, scroll through tumblr for maybe 15 minutes and my roommate asks why I’m sitting doing nothing for 4 hours straight. Full days disappear and I can’t remember anything that happened. I have no idea how long it takes me to do something I do almost every day.

I went two weeks at the beginning of the semester with meds that where 10 milligrams lower than my usual dosage. My grades still haven’t recovered.

THAT SAID. In cannon, Percy Jackson passed 13 years of school with high enough grades to be accepted to a university. Not medicated. Without accommodations.

So either the education system in New York is taylored specifically for people with ADHD, or Percy Jackson is a fucking geinios. I can’t spell.

So ignoring the fact that nearly every fight he won by outsmarting his opponent, let me tell you why.

In the books, he’s an introvert, sits in the back, tries to keep his head down but usually fails, gets detention often, and has been expelled multiple times. That’s not the kind of kid teachers go out of their way to help. He’s also unlikely to ask for help. So, despite his struggles in the classroom, he has never been held back or had to redo a grade as far as we know. And it’s pretty likely considering his age.

Add in the fact that he would be constantly sleep deprived from staying up very late (like from 10-3, based off my experience) and his dyslexia, Percy would need to be really good at retaining information after hearing or seeing it only once. That’s actually supported by his ability to memorize prophecies word for word after only hearing them once. We know Percy is bad at taking tests, so he would have to be really good at recalling information.

He also did it all unmedicated. I want to cry just thinking about it.

tldr, the fact that Percy’s grades where high enough to get into college means hes fucking brilliant

[esperfruit]

Bonus facts for the characters in my TTTE Human AU Part 1

Thomas Billington:

Recently got his moped license, travels around Sodor on his moped whenever he can

British + Indian

Autism + ADHD

Asexual + Biromantic 

Edward's No. 1 hypeman

No sweets are save from him

Once got in an accident with a bike and was catapulted through a window onto a family’s breakfast table

Can't play instruments to save his life

Strong dislike for fish and gets seasick

Favorite shows are slapstick cartoons

Is surprised himself at how good he became at making friends with how bad he used to be in the past

Can get tunnel vision when too determined to get things done

Reads books about ancient civilizations, mythology and archeology to feel close to his missing parents

Stays in contact with Ashima

Edward Pettigrew:

His friend circle is so large, he always knows someone who can help out

British

Bisexual + Trans man

Classic music enthusiast 

Serious perfectionist

People pleaser but has a lot of confidence and self-respect

Often forgets basic needs when focused too hard on work (Annie, Clarabel and Thomas often have to remind him to eat)

Used to look after Henry when he was sick but over time was pushed away by Henry, who didn't want Edward's “pity”

Is called “Uncle Edward” by Thomas

Has very high expectations of himself thanks to his reputation as the ol'reliable

Was a troublemaker in his youth to the shock of everyone

Can adapt to any situation

Henry Stanier:

If you want to know anything regarding gardening, he got you covered

Puerto Rican

ADD + autism + anxiety + insomnia 

Pansexual + Bigender

Can be a massive hater when you get on his bad side

Actively participates in forest restorations 

Struggles with expressing of wanting sympathy for his condition but not to be pitied for it

Lived in New Jersey for a while and adapted the accent

Even if he mellowed out, he can still throw out some of the most rude things you've ever heard

Holds a grudge against Scott

Was Sodor's undefeated armwrestling champion for a long time until his defeat against Hiro

His orphanage didn't want to pay for his hospital bills anymore and he was given to the Staniers without them knowing about his anemia first

Uses the herbs he grows in his garden for medicine

Aside from chronic anemia, he has a weak immune system in general

Goes hiking for escapism 

Gets stressed whenever Spencer is around

Not many can tell whenever his smile is one of joy or warning

Gordon Gresley:

When he smiles his whole face changes

British

Gay

Autism + NPD + BPD

Gets very tense and nervous when confronted with sudden big change

Struggles at asking for help

It’s very difficult to get him to open up and especially to get him to talk about his feelings

Quick to judge others

Once led a strike with Henry and James, is embarrassed by it today

Gets very uncomfortable when his family is mentioned

Suffers from strong mood swings, it is hard to predict and adapt to him

Almost got ran over by Spencer’s car once (Spencer did it on purpose)

Never hides his schadenfreude

A glutton, gets flustered whenever it’s addressed

Has nightmares from the accident only he and Scott survived

His drawn out groans and “Oh, the indignity” line became famous

James Hughes:

Freaks out whenever some of his self-made outfits get dirty

British + Mexican

Gay

ADHD + NPD + anxiety 

Has a whole photo album with nothing but selfies

Becomes non-verbal when he feels humiliated 

Very observant, notices things others never would

All of his dishes look like they were made at a 5 stars restaurant

Is often seen posing over dramatically 

Good painter

Breaks out into boastful laughter whenever he’s praised

Constantly provokes Gordon to get his attention

Has a melancholic side

Percival “Percy” Avonside:

Is the local newspaper kid on his bike

British + Seychellois + Malaysian

ADHD

AroAce and non-binary

Wants to become a professional soccer player, trains with Donald

Didn't know how to swim for a long time until he got swimming lessons after almost drowning when he fell into the water at the harbor and was saved by Henry

Has some developmental delays because of the homeschooling and struggles with big words

Is often seen bantering with the helicopter pilot Harold Sikorsky

Gets very grumpy when bored

Superhero movie fan

Accident prone, is currently on his fifth bike 

Loves wearing the sweaters Henrietta made for him

Very good with animals

When he makes a promise, he does everything to keep it

Tobias “Toby” Holden:

Very strong attachment to Henrietta, is only seen without her at work

Black

Straight ally

Neurotypical

Usually peaceful but will make you regret if you ever hurt Henrietta or Percy

Is easy to get to laugh at your jokes (except for Charlie, even Toby finds him unfunny)

Sweet tooth but not as extreme as Thomas

Henrietta can cheer him up instantly whenever he’s cross

Once stopped a burglar from robbing a museum and is now seen as a hero

Often invites Mavis for dinner with his family 

Owns many antiques 

Montague “Duck” Collett:

Amazing dancer, his favorite being waltz with Donald

British

Bisexual

Autism 

A typical old-fashioned gentleman despite his young age

Has high standards and gives harsh but honest criticism 

Does not swear at all, only when he's at his breaking point

Usually shrugs off duck jokes but will throw hands if you do that as one of his enemies (Diesel)

Habit of talking a lot when getting enthusiastic 

He and Douglas are the only ones to know how to handle Donald perfectly

Very musical, can play the piano, violin, acoustic guitar and flute 

Likes going to the coast, gets sentimental when watching the sunset there

Donald McIntosh:

Owns kilts he wears to festivities

Scottish

Gay

ADHD

Can not play the bagpipes

Fluent in Gaelic 

He and Douglas used to live in Hamilton but moved to Glasgow after being adopted by the McIntosh Family

Loves playing Scottish folk music at high volume (to the annoyance of many) 

Was the ace striker of his school’s soccer team 

Likes giving nicknames (Dougie, Ducky, Ollie, Hen-Hen, Gordo, Jamie, Ed, Thommy, Perce, Emi, Becca etc.)

Makes cute little hats for Dilly

Short-tempered and gets aggressive when someone is looking at Douglas the wrong way

Douglas McIntosh:

Owns kilts he wears to festivities

Scottish

Bisexual and non-binary

Autism + anxiety 

Can play the bagpipes

Fluent in Gaelic

Hates superstitions and anything related to the supernatural 

Learned how to cook for himself since he started to refuse to eat food from others except Donald and Oliver

Craves affection, only lets Donald and Oliver know

Proud of his heritage, both twins are but Douglas shows it more

Enjoys wearing feminine and masculine clothing equally 

Oliver Armstrong:

Best partner to go on walks with. Evening walks on the beach with Douglas are his favorite

British + Egyptian 

Pansexual

Autism + paranoia ( the latter caused by being hunted for years)

Loves learning about history and other cultures

Amazing cook, he and Douglas often exchange recipes 

Makes a lot of puns

Ego gets inflated quickly

Gives amazing hugs, Douglas can confirm

He and Toad give the best camping advice

Emily Stirling: 

Insecure in her femininity because of her headstrong personality and age

British + Vietnamese

Lesbian

Neurotypical

Sodor’s greatest mediator

When she has something to say, she will make sure you listen

Gordon and Scott’s father’s half sister, was sent to Scotland to get married off to the Stirlings after it came out she was an illegitimate child 

Her marriage was arranged, she did care for her late husband a lot and knew he was a good man but she did not love him

Only talks about her former marriage with Daisy and her closest friends

Learns baking from Henrietta

Likes teasing young people

She and Daisy often dress flashy for fun 

[yonemurishiroku]

Wondering the whole thing about loyalty being Percy's fatal flaw might actually be on a much more personal level rather than an encompassing "children of Poseidon"-trait.

This is to say that Percy's problem with unhealthy 'loyalty' could be a consequence of his upbringing. You see. The whole point is that Percy can be wary, yet once he deems someone an ally/ not-enemy, it's dangerously difficult for him to see them in a negative light. It's this sort of bipolar disorder but the categories are "Friend or Foe", each of which comes with a package of completely separate treatment. He put Luke in the Friend lot and he nearly died for that. He distrusted Nico but he didn't see him as an enemy and fell for the kid's trick still.

Revert back to his childhood. IIRC Percy had two parent figures growing up, i.e. Sally and Gabe. And here's a thing. They are basically two ends of the spectrum of Parenting. Gabe was an abusive, negligent, alcoholic, problematic stepfather whereas Sally was like a saint or something, who had sacrificed for him so much. So Percy had only experienced two types of attitude in his perspective-shaping phase: extremely loving and downright scornful.

This could thus limit his relationship categories, and later create a hole in his view of others' attitudes, I believe. His relationship table basically has only two columns, Friendly vs Not friendly. Percy puts people in those lots based on how they treat him, how they express themselves to him, how he sees them. But people are way more than just one facet. People can be many things at once, and so are the relationships. Percy's system is lacking, so he suffers from being twirled around in complicated, multilayer dynamics.

Imagine Percy, who only has two sets of acquaintances in his life, one of which gives him misery whilst the other fights for him, is thrown into a mess of two-faced lies and concealed intentions. He doesn't have the specialized code of reaction for that. There's no special section in his handbook dedicated to "People you need to beware of" or "These guys seem friendly, but better be safe than sorry". Once Percy has decided to put you in his mind as not an enemy - he would actively refuse to treat you as an enemy because that's not the way he does it.

And because Percy has so few 'Friends', you know, that he intrinsically, automatically puts you in the Friends column as long as he finds no hostility from you. Yeah, he has Sally, Grover, and Annabeth, but he also has Gabe and Nancy (?) and IIRC the bullies. He has always felt like he didn't fit in (no thanks to you, demigod-bonus ADHD and dyslexia). Percy has had to put too many in the unfavorable section that he, subconsciously or not, favors amicable acquaintanceships - that's why Luke got to him so effortlessly, just by treating him decently.

It's quite similar to the other category too. The best example I can come up with now is Bob/ Iapetus. Bob first made his entrance as Percy's enemy aka Iapetus, and later became harmless to him after getting his memories erased. You'd think Percy would rearrange the columns, but the fact is that Percy technically didn't even remember Bob, or Iapetus for that matter, after leaving him in Nico's care. If my theory is of any credit, I suppose Bob didn't make it into Percy's 'Friends' category, i.e. Percy hadn't considered him a friend. Bob landed in as a Foe and he stayed there in Percy's head - at least up until the Tartarus debacle.

So, like I said: a bipolar relationship classifying system.

[turrondeluxe]

How long do you think mikey stayed in dimension X?

(Personality, I think like a week/weeks, cuz no way it was just a few hours and he already knows so much about the demention)

(And, how does he get months and hours confused?)

(I don't personally think he's been there long as 2 years because that would really mess up a person)

(But if I see an angsty fanfic 🤨(suddenly I ignore everything I said, like 'yea he's been there for 73736383years now' ))

OH I LIKE THIS ASK

im with you on that one actually! i also think he just stayed there for a few weeks. def less than a month. because for someone like mikey, being by his own in an unknown place no matter if he was doing alright, it would still have messed him up of it got too long. he NEEDS interactions with sentient beings that would keep him company and engage with him (looks at mutagen bomb mad max apocalypse mikey). Tho! he would have understood how a lot of things worked around in that dimension just for being there a few hours tbh, taking into consideration that it's a hostile environment for literally anyone who's an outsider. With this i mean, mikey def was forced to be a quick leaner since the first second after stepping trough the portal. ( tho rn im not taking into account mikey being good with kraang tech in general because he just was good with it since the start of the show tbh. i think it has something to do with the brothers actually being related to the kraang because of the milking worm from where the mutagen came from and all but. thats a whole other can of worms to be opened lol)

Plus! the kraang base was not difficult to find at all so mikey probably spend most of his time just checking out the perimeter and a way to get in (this is from where he could have triggered some security stuff and got to fight the kraang that ended up as his skull helmet and limb accessories lmao). It actually even appears as if that's mikey first attempt at getting in to rescue leatherhead.

Also! when they got back for a bit, mikey was actually happy and excited to be back in dimension x! Meaning that he doesn't truly see that place in a bad light MEANING that he doesn't really hold a bad memory of it. MEANING that he didn't stay there by himself long enough for living more traumas in there lmao

About his time confusion, i actually tie that to his adhd because of my own experience with having adhd. The passing of time for me is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO KEEP A GRASP ON. By this i mean that it's really hard to tell hours/minutes have passed even when not hyperfixing on an activity, this also adds to mixing up days and weeks together. its hard man. ADDED TO ALL THIS, the fact that the dimension doesn't have an obvious sign of time passing (like day and night) would make mikey keeping up with it, while also just surviving, something of a nearly impossible task.

in conclusion

i still love when people headcanon mikey as staying there for literal years. i live for that angst. him eating kraang because of how hungry he got??? him getting captured by the kraang and getting tortured for months??? him getting to hate the pink color??? good stuff

[academic-comeback]

Academic Comeback

This is THE lowest point in my life thus far. Which is why this blog has been created. To hold me accountable, and to let other people in my very same situation know that you can recover. It is always possible. College is difficult. Anyone who's attended knows this. And while many still succeed, I have not been. I finished my first semester on Academic Warning, and have continued that into my spring and summer semesters. I've filed appeals, both to stay and for financial aid, but the situation remains, and I have been suspended. This is my academic comeback. During this what-would've-been fall semester, I am implementing plans for recovery, learning how to study, and rediscovering hobbies that I wouldn't have been able to continue if I had stayed on the path that I was on. Here are my first steps:

The "What Went Right? What Went Wrong?" List. - By figuring out these two articles and their many complexities (there's never just one right or wrong reason, and admitting what I did wrong, as well as what I did right is the first step to recovery.) - Figure our how to right the rightable wrongs and continue to implement the habits and methods that keep me successful. Learn How To Study - Duh. But this is a lot harder than some people think, especially if you grew up with ADHD, a gifted kid who didn't need to study, and got knocked out by the pandemic and haven't been able to be truly academically successful since then. Take More Time Off of Work (ft. finding a new job) - I am the most workaholic of all college student workaholics. It's been my biggest downfall, because I also refused to manage why time reasonably. If I couldn't finish an assignment because of the fact that I was working all weekend, it was almost an oh well. It also stressed me out because I always felt like I wasn't making enough money, or didn't have enough time to study. - My current work availability is 50/50. 50% available, 50% unavailable. This is temporary, while I have no actual classes to tend to. I'll still have time to make money, and can pick up shifts if I want to or have less going on that week, and can still attempt to give up shifts if needed. This will hopefully help me to better manage my time. All of this will take time to master. I have 18 weeks of what would've been this fall semester planned to figure this out. But that also means that I have to stick to it. Which is part of what this blog is for. Weekly posts explaining my journey and how I'm fixing my academics so that hopefully others can too will hopefully keep me just as accountable as somebody breathing down my neck (with less anxiety).

[sojourner-between-worlds]

Things about being a Christian I've had to unlearn as an adult:

Spending a lot of time on/ being invested in something doesn't make it an idol. This is not how that works, bestie. Look. I get that the advice "if you spend more time on x hobby than you do reading the Bible and praying" is well-intentioned, but it's just plain Bad. There are a lot of hobbies that take significant amounts of time. Art. Writing. Trade hobbies, like woodworking. I spent two hours Saturday putting in a garden (now that I have space for one!), and not spending two hours and one minute on Bible reading doesn't mean that gardening is now an idol for me. It means I got into a groove and just kept going (and got terribly sunburned for my trouble). What makes something an idol is NOT how much time you spend on it but rather the importance you place upon it. Sometimes important things take five minutes and sometimes they take an hour; the thing that took five minutes isn't less important because it took up less of your time. If your thought process is "this is more important than spending time with God", that is what makes your hobby an idol. (If you are constantly foregoing your time with God in favor of a hobby, then I'd say you need to re-evaluate your priorities, but spending a lot of time on something does not inherently make it an idol. Not to mention that a lot of hobbies can still bring you closer to God despite not spending that time intentionally for that purpose.)

Not having your "quiet time"/ devotions every day does not make you a "bad" Christian. This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point, and there's a lot I could say on this topic, but what it boils down to is this: God understands our human limits and the brains He gave us that sometimes make it difficult -- autism and ADHD and OCD and [fill in the blank]. I'm autistic. So when (well-meaning) people say things like, "you can't get to know God if you don't spend time with Him!" about praying and reading the Bible -- well, 'spending time' looks different for me. Socializing is difficult for me. And while socializing with God is obviously different than with people, praying is still far more mentally draining for me than for most people (especially growing up in an environment where it was implied that you have to 'say the right things' when you pray instead of just allowing it to be a conversation, but that's the next point). A lot of "socializing" for me is simply being present with someone else. This is called "parallel play": you're doing your own thing in the same space as someone else while they are also doing their own thing. This...doesn't translate well to Christianity and what Christianity is "supposed" to look like, unfortunately, so I constantly felt shame that none of the common advice worked for me when it seemed to work for everyone else. Set a time? Executive dysfunction makes switching tasks hard and once that set time has passed, "well, it's too late now". Having a reading plan? I'd miss a day, fall behind, and the shame at that would keep me from continuing to try. And when I did manage to stay on track, quite often it simply became a box to check off and that was it. So, now, I do what I can, when I can. I always get more out of it, and I think God cares more about that than sticking to a plan just so you can say you read every day anyway.

"Don't script your prayers! They'll become repetitive and you won't think about or mean them!" Oh, boy. Once again, I get the well-intentioned meaning here. You don't want your prayers to become rote and stale. But as someone with high anxiety, scripting them is the only way I can survive praying aloud with other people, and, in fact, it means I put more thought into them, not less! But hearing this kind of advice coupled with an environment where it was implied you had to say 'the right things, the right way' was absolutely detrimental to my prayer life growing up. I was always worried about saying the wrong thing, especially as an undiagnosed autistic who was constantly, ya know, saying the wrong things in conversations with people. So I definitely didn't want to say the wrong things to God! But... I also wasn't allowed to plan what to say? How was I supposed to pray then? So I just. didn't pray. For a very long time. Until I learned its just as perfectly okay to talk to God about whatever crosses your mind while you're standing at the sink doing dishes as it is sitting down with a list of things to focus on. (Not to mention that this really is just...terrible advice in general. Kudos to my pastor, who, in his current Sunday night series on worship, actually gave a tutorial on how to personalize praying the Psalms. So, you know, pre-written prayers.)

Purity Culture. Need I say more? Oh, I could write a whole post about how harmful this is, but plenty of people already have, so I'll leave it at this: I wear what I am comfortable wearing now. Something I love about my church is that our philosophy on modesty is this: The greatest sin of immodesty is saying "look at me" instead of "look at God." In other words, modest isn't about what you're wearing so much as what your attitude about what you're wearing is. If you choose what to wear because you want people to notice and stare and give you compliments, then that is immodest no matter how much of your skin is covered up. It's not immodest to wear clothes you like and that you think are attractive (or that help you look professional when its called for), but ultimately your mindset is really not about "dressing to impress." (There is a very thin line between 'modest' and 'immodest' and its not where most people think it is.)

[dc-fanfic-sideblog]

Ok so

Uhhhhhhh batfam/DC character fic that I’ve had brewing in my head for awhile but never did anything about it until now

Fem!reader x various DC characters (romantic and/or platonic depending on the characters i include)

Also reader is a theatre kid in this, because you have no choice and you’ll read why anyways

⚠️beware lots of parentheses because I have ADHD and many extra thoughts⚠️

So, reader is majoring in costume design for theatre (wow self insert much) at Gotham University (not originally from Gotham because i think it’s funnier) and she wants to interview villains from Arkham, vigilantes, and heros for like a portfolio thing (I’m tired and making this up as i go shhhh)

And so she interviews the villains first because it would be more difficult to get their trust if they interviewed the heroes first

So, they get permission from the asylum somehow (probably by Bruce Wayne) and she gets to take notes and record their conversations but specifically creates a contact that the reader and whatever interviewee both sign that makes an agreement no information will be traded or bought from either parties

So reader starts with the villains, moves to the vigilantes, and finally the heroes because they will be the easiest to gain their trust

Probably traveling around to Metropolis and interviewing Superman and Wonder Woman

I definitely want to include the batfam and the justice league, Ghostmaker, maybe even Vigilante just because i think he’s funny (I KNOW he’s in Washington or whatever but he’ll find a way)

Damien Wayne is a kid, Jason is Red Hood, Tim is… happening and i don’t know about Duke but I’ll figure it out

So of course the word gets out about the fact that a college students is INTERVIEWING THE FUCKING VILLAINS IN ARKHAM, and reporter people are going absolutely bonkers

Bombarding reader on the way to the asylum and only leaving her alone when she gets to the gates with her special visitor ID, so maybe Batman might even make it a point to escort reader to ensure her safety

Now, at first, the Arkham patients are EXTREMELY suspicious over reader, questioning if she’s like an informant for the heroes. But after she gains their trust they actually start having fun answering her questions and telling her stories.

The villains are basically befriending reader and going “if anyone fucks with you, I’ve got people on the streets that can fuck THEM up”

So far I’ve only got ideas for the villain part, but I’ll get to the vigilantes and heroes later

The only thing I’m worried about is timelines and how much knowledge i actually have on the DC universe but I’m hyperfixating on it now so I’m just kinda doing it for the shits and giggles

DC fanboys scare me so stay away

Uhhh i have more little ideas for this but I’ll save that for another post because I don’t want to try and organize this

[miscfandomwrites]

A/N: I needed a break from the mama series for a bit. This was an idea that I came up with while dealing with some chores, and my adhd brain would NOT stop pestering me to write this down before I forgot it. I might make this into its own series, but it’s honestly a drabble more than anything. I also just really wanted to write a fight scene. Oh, and I did edit it so the name of the character is Wolf, not dog. 

Pairing: Avengers x Werewolf! Reader

Location: Marvel > Avengers > Avengers Team > Oneshots

Warnings: Violence, language (?)

Words: 1.3k

Tagging: @tyler-t0t

~~

“You’re joking.” I asked the man in front of me.

“I am not. You are to meet them, and see if they like you.” He replied.

It was difficult not to roll my eyes at the situation. 

“Fury, having them like me is something I can live without. I’m back up, after all.” I told him. 

He sighed, before pushing the folder in front of him to me. “I know.”

He got up and left me in the conference room, wondering if it was too late to get on my motorcycle and ride out of the state completely. 

He’d close the building up before I stepped foot into that garage anyway. I told myself, opening the massive folder and flipping through the various papers in it.

Avengers Initiative. Steve Rodgers. Carol Danvers. Tony Stark. Natasha Romanoff. James Barnes. Bruce Banner. Thor. King T’Challa. Scott Lang. Clint Barton. Wanda Maximoff. All to protect the world from larger-than-them fights. Bullshit.

I skimmed through the rest of the file, only taking time to read through Barnes and Romanoff’s profiles.

I finished skimming through the folder before closing it and getting up from the table. Stretching my limbs and bending backwards to pop my back never seemed so good. I had sat in that chair for nearly an hour as Fury told me about the Avengers and my role to partake today. 

Shit, when was the meeting again? 

I checked my phone for the time and was relieved to see I had fifteen minutes until I was ‘needed’ at the meeting. 

Enough time for coffee, and maybe a bagel. 

I grabbed the file and donned my leather jacket, checking all my pockets and weapons in case they were loose or had moved since I had sat down. After clearing that, I headed out of the room towards the cafeteria. 

Bullshit. I’m back up-they never need backup. 

They were the Avengers for fuck’s sake, “Earth’s mightiest hero’s my ass” I grumbled to myself as I stalked down the hallway. 

It took a decent amount of self control not to throw open the cafeteria door, mostly because last time I had to pay for it.  Why the fuck are the doors so expenis-oh, pure steel. Enough to stop bullets. Right. 

I cut off the thought as it appeared, and I headed to the coffee station in the back of the room, ignoring the looks I got as I walked past the tables.

Being the person I am, having a reputation can be a dangerous thing, yet I tried to stay in good graces of everyone. The only time I wasn’t polite or made an effort not to snap at anyone is when I knew it would impact my life with S.H.I.E.L.D. 

While I was born into Hydra as an experiment, I became a part of S.H.I.E.L.D nearly seven years ago when my plane had crashed and I was captured. My abilities made me a prize possession of the agency, and once I proved myself useful it was only a matter of gaining trust from others.

I grabbed a disposable coffee cup and poured some (thankfully) hot coffee into it, before snapping on the lid. I checked the time and was really, really, disappointed that I did not in fact, have enough time to get a bagel.

I headed out of the cafeteria and out of view of the stares, and made my way upstairs and to the conference room. 

The one thing I did not like about the conference rooms were the pure glass walls-you could shade them, but no one even bothered to hide the fact that not just the original Avengers were there, but all of them. I lost track of all the faces I saw.

I took a large sip of my coffee before taking a deep breath and pushing open the door to the room. 

“I’m glad you could join us, Ms. (L/N).” Fury spoke with a tone of indifference. I did notice the gleam in his eye-surprise. He was surprised that I actually went through with this. 

I nodded to him, before taking off my jacket and draping it across the chair at the foot of the table. 

Steve Rodgers, otherwise known as the defacto ‘Leader’ of the Avengers came around to me, holding out his hand.

“Steve Rodgers, but you can call me Steve” He told me, I stifly shook his hand.

“(F/N) (L/N), but you can call me Wolf.” I replied, before taking my hand away and tucking it into my pocket. He walked back around to his spot, and everyone took their seats besides Fury and I.

“Ms. (L/N), otherwise known as Wolf, is the new applicant for this position.” Fury told everyone, handing out a stack of folders to everyone.

“And her test?” Natasha Romanoff asked him as she got her folder.

Fury just nodded, finishing passing out the folders before standing at the head of the table again.

I heard the door open behind me, and sensed the four men before I saw them. 

All well built, no main identifying features other than a faint remembrance as the top of the fighter’s guild last year. All wore the same suits, all looked clean, and all looked nervous. One stood at my left, another at my right, and two behind me.

“Fury.” I spoke in a warning tone. I had no idea what the hell was about to happen, but I didn’t like it. 

“Worried?” He asked me, raising his eyebrow.

“Not for myself. You’ve seen me fight, are you sure you are willing to risk their lives to prove a point?” I asked him, with venom coating my final words.

He smiled at me, before nodding. The man at my left side shifted nervously.

“You could have let me go into a small battle with them, yet you decided that unleashing me in a closed room with four men would prove your point?” I told him as I set my coffee down.

“No weapons, no death” He replied.

I nodded, before widening my stance. I knew the men would only attack on his command, and I would honor that.

He nodded, and all at once the men leapt for me.

I ducked low and as one of the men behind me made to grab my shoulder, I grabbed his arm and threw him on the table. Everyone stood up in shock, papers scattering and chairs rollin gin every direction.

I twisted his arm and went left as the man on my right came at me. I twirled, ducking the left man’s fist as he swung at me.

The other man behind me grabbed my arm, and I turned and kicked him with all my force into the widow behind him. It spider-webbed, but didn’t break. Another man grabbed me around the stomach and I shook him off of me, before turning around and punching him square in the face.

He cursed at me and held his nose, his blood running through his fingers and staining his white undershirt. I snarled at him, before roundhousing him in the face.

Luckily I dodged the other man coming at me, and he shoulder-checked the other man at the window, borderline breaking it. 

I dragged him off of the other man, and slammed my head against his, breaking his nose. I then swung a right hook into his jaw, rendering him unconscious and only the man at the window to deal with.

I turned towards him, as he stood taller, both fists up, a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

“You’re just Fury’s lapdog, born to take orders!” He yelled at me. I stood still for a matter of three seconds as he started to realize that he truely, royally, fucked up.

I approached him with a deadly calm that made my head swim. 

“I belong to no one.” I snarled at him, before kicking him into the window, finally breaking it and sending him falling to his death thirty six stories below.

I turned towards Fury, wiping the blood off my hands, and growled

“Is this enough proof?”

[aussiellama]

Decided to write an Ant and Spider oneshot. This is my first ever fanfic and I wrote it in like ten minutes so it probably isn't the greatest lol.

Anthony stared at his worksheet trying hard to concrete an already difficult task for him that had been made increasingly more difficulty by the fire alarm blaring through the classroom, apparently, they had to test it to make sure it was working still and had decided the middle of class was the best time, he stole a jealous look at Quinni who was wearing her headphones he would have loved to have those sort of accommodations. He had pieced together a few years back that he was probably neurodivergent at first when he was 12 he figured it was probably ADHD but after a lot of research done by him and Spider they realised he most likely had autism as well, he hadn’t bothered sharing this with parents knowing they believed ADHD was laziness and autism only counted for people with the more severe form, so instead he was forced to listen to the shrill ringing. Which meant only Spider knew, he had thought about bringing it up with Dusty when they 14, but after inquiring him how he would feel about being friends with a neurodivergent person and having Dusty be a bit too excited about it.

“Hell yeah, chicks would dig our inclusion” he had said excitedly, Ant had decided not to share with him either.

He felt Spider tap his knee a silent form of communication to ask if he was ok, Ant didn’t bother answering he didn’t have to Spider already knew how he was he always did. He watched as Spider walked over to the teacher his walk had his usual Spencer White confidence. He returned back quickly.

“Spoke to Higgins, said we could go outside so grab ya shit". His voice was nonchalant like he hadn’t done Ant a favour by allowing him to leave the overwhelming environment.

Ant got up quickly shoving everything in his bag before making a beeline to the door. He paced around a bit hands flapping trying to get rid of the feeling. He joined Spider on a bench after a little while.

“you ok”? Spider asked his voice slightly softer now it was just to the two of them. Ant shrugged not in the place to be verbal

“you’re in one of the no talking modes then or whatever Spider noted, not willing to reveal his softer side (which was pretty ridiculous considering the fact Ant was already aware of Spider's softer side) he would purposefully use incorrect terms, even though he knew every single one as he spent hours researching ADHD and ASD for years ever since Ant had said he thought he might have it.

They sat in silence Spider doing Ant’s worksheet knowing his friend wouldn’t be able to right now. He rolled his eyes when he felt Ant lean on him but made no move to push him away, instead he kissed the shorter boy’s soft hair, Ant hummed much calmer resting his head on Spider’s shoulder a familiar habit. They stayed outside the whole lesson, bodies always touching a few more kisses shared between them.

[lefluoritesys]

TW: ableism, discrimination, eating disorders, strong opinions

"Oh, DID/OSDD is so difficult to understand, though!"

The more I live with it, the more I realize that no, it isn't. The problem here isn't that DID/OSDD is a "difficult" disorder, the real problem here is people refuse to understand that things apart from what they're used to are also, in fact, normal. They come up with excuses for why they can't understand it and attempt to push it down due to ignorance and plain lack of desire to actually make an effort to understand (which is, by the way, manipulative).

It's as easy as coming up to someone and saying you have a common physical medical condition. You don't have to understand it fully to realize that same person with asthma has limited physical abilities and needs an inhaler from time to time. Or that someone with allergies can't eat certain foods. Or that a person in a wheelchair most likely cannot walk at all. For singlets, there is no "digging deep into it to understand," this "understanding" of disorders is something we came up with as an excuse to brush off other people's experiences.

"I just don't understand why the littlest of things can send you into a breakdown," said to people with BPD, autism, ADHD, etc.

"Why is this noise bothering you so much? It doesn't bother me. I just can't relate," said to people with misophonia and sensory issues.

"Why can't I talk about this? How can it even be a trigger?" said to a person with PTSD/C-PTSD, and continued talking and mentioning said thing.

"Why can't you get out of bed? I just don't understand you. You have so much stuff to get done, so many things to look forward to! I think you're just being lazy." said to a person with depression.

"Why are you so worried about your weight? You look amazing! I wish I had as much self-control as you do and look like you! You should feel lucky for knowing when to stop eating!" said to a person with an eating disorder(s).

It's as easy as avoiding a subject because the other person doesn't want to talk about it. It's as easy as explaining your actions a little more and clarifying your words in a conversation because the other person is more sensitive to rejection/certain topics. It's as easy as coming up to someone and going "Hey, I do not like this thing. Can you stop doing it/do it differently?" "Yeah, sure, thank you for telling me!"

And it's as easy to understand DID/OSDD as saying "Hey, I have multiple (semi-)distinct personalities called alters, AKA alternative states of identity, all of them are different people with different roles to keep the body alive. They formed during my childhood due to prolonged/repeated trauma, and they keep that trauma away from me. Together, we are called a system." "Okay, cool! I accept you for who you are. Although, I haven't had experience with systems before, so I would need to learn. I will be patient with you, and I hope you can be patient with me. Walk me through it?"

I used to think that my DID/OSDD was difficult for people to understand, and I drowned in the thoughts of how much of a burden I was to singlets. Or, really, everybody in that case, because that wasn't just about my DID but any medical condition we have. We used to mask as a singlet even around people who we came out to, and they seemed more comfortable with us going by our deadname and pretending to be one rather than who we are, claiming they just feel "weird" and "awkward" because they don't have other friends like that. Until I began realizing that the only reason people don't "understand" is because they simply don't want to.

Yes, you may not get something right off the bat. And that's okay. But it isn't difficult to understand. You are not difficult to understand. It's other people who are ignorant enough to make you feel like crap to avoid being a little open-minded and kind. It just lies a little out of their comfort zone where they have stayed comfortably their entire lives.

It is that easy. It is that simple. Only thing you have to do is hear the other person out when they're talking about their DID/OSDD. Negotiate and/or find compromises when necessary. Learn, research, interact, ask questions, and most importantly, take it as it is. No questions asked unless they are clarification and curiosity. If you have questions you count as disrespectful or out of line, either keep them to yourself or warn the system about them and give clarification on what you meant. Give trigger warnings.

You are not difficult for having a disorder or a medical condition. It's other people who are difficult due to their ignorance.

[vulpisnocturna]

Hello you lovely beautiful thing how are you?? ♥️

My mentals been flopping lately and I was wondering if we could get a story based peice on how Itachi would react to his fem! soulmate who struggles with RSD (rejection sensitivity disorder) and ADHD talking meanly to herself

Like their just doin' their own stuff and something just slips

Anyways, remember to stay hydrated and safe ok love youu!! ♥️♥️

Hey my lovely! I hope you are doing well, do not hesitate to reach out if you feel low :) I wanted to get to this ask as I want you to feel uplifted <3 I also feel the RSD experience a lot, so this is something very close to my heart.

As to your last line, me with ADHD, looking at my ten empty cups of water and my three unfinished drinks, one for hydration, one coffee to make me normal and one for fun, knowing I drink like a sponge:

Let's get into it :)

TAGS: SFW, Fluff, light angst, Itachi being the kindest soul, ADHD reader, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, fem!reader with anxiety

Your argument with Itachi was not really an argument. You'd been going on for about half an hour discussing your last mission and the fact that according to him, you'd put yourself in danger and he had only followed you because he had wanted to make sure nothing happened to you. You wanted to be taken seriously, for him to recognise that you weren't weak, but the truth was that you felt that way. The way Itachi spoke -calmly, rationally, with well-structured replies and retorts- made you spiral into self-doubt and you couldn't help but wonder if secretly, he thought the same things you did about yourself. If he too thought you were weak and a failure, that you couldn't do anything yourself, that you were reckless and couldn't control your emotions like he did.

'I am not attempting to be overbearing, but you have to understand that I would not be able to forgive myself if anything happened' he said calmly, standing in front of you, a few feet away. There was a painful lump in your throat, blocking your words before they could even form. Your chest was tight and heavy with something akin to asphyxiation, and breathing was becoming difficult. The back of your eyes burnt, and you tried, you tried so, so hard to hold back the tears, because it was stupid, you weren't even arguing, and you just couldn't speak, couldn't think-

You knew what you wanted to say, but you also knew that if you spoke, your voice would crack and you would start to sob. For nothing. For an argument where you thought you were right, but now you weren't so sure anymore. And what if he left you? If he thought you were childish for getting so emotional over nothing? Because Itachi was always so composed, so collected, he could always hide his emotions and his thoughts always transferred so well to his words.

You averted your eyes, taking a shaky breath and covering your face with your hair.

'What's up?' he asked all of a sudden, and your walls crumbled to dust, all the barriers you had erected falling over a few words that made you think that yes, of course he cared, and you couldn't take it.

You covered your mouth and nose with both hands, trying to swallow broken sobs and sawed breaths that tore through you like a thunderstorm.

'I- I'm weak, a failure, I always need people to save me- and I thought... I thought I could be something more- someone who could do something... but you think so too, don't you? You... you think I'm weak' you sobbed, your broken breaths short and ragged as you tried to take in air and nothing managed to pass through. It was as if you were drowning and taking in more and more water, filling your lungs with heaviness.

'My love, you need to breathe. Take a deep breath' he said, suddenly worried and at your side, and his tone and care made you cry even more, because he was there, and he cared about you, and you just couldn't hold back the dam from breaking. You fisted his shirt as he hugged you, soothing your back, telling you to try to breathe along with him, to just focus on his breathing.

'I have never once thought you to be weak or a failure. You are one of the strongest people I know'

'That's- not true. Look at me- I'm crying over nothing' you croaked, though your breath was starting to quell down, your sobs getting less frequent.

'Of course it's not nothing, my love. You are feeling strong emotions, and by shutting them down, you only make them more painful. I am so sorry I upset you. You can cry as much as you want. You are safe with me. Letting out your pain does not lessen your worth at all. It shows you are capable of such strong feelings. It's always better to feel than to not feel at all' he said, kissing the top of your head, cupping your face and looking into your tear-stained eyes.

'You are not weak. You are not a failure. I love you, and I want to protect you. But I never doubted your abilities. Not for one moment. So stop talking about yourself like that. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes' he said, his eyes sorrowful, the pad of his thumb wiping a tear from your cheek.

'You really think that?' you breathed, your tears now continuing to spill from your eyes silently as your breaths got quieter and deeper.

'I love you. I'm being truthful. Let's not argue about this anymore. Come here' he said, leading you to the sofa and lying down with you cradled between his legs. He started running his fingers through your hair, soothing you, warming the deep pain that had settled in your chest.

'I hate seeing you like that. But what I hate even more is seeing you bottle up your feelings in fear of my reaction. I could never think less of you for opening up with me. It's not a weakness. If anything, it shows what you are capable of handling every day. So let me bear the burden with you, my love'

[morganharpernichols]

May every brushstroke you paint with your life play a small, yet meaningful part in exploring how the process of painting itself is its own work of art. One of the most common questions I am asked is why and how I share my work every day. I am also asked some variation of this: "Why don't I work on something and post it weekly? Or monthly?" I tried that, but it didn't work for me. Due to my particular version of autism/ADHD, I prefer to break things down into smaller sizes. This is still difficult because I don't want to "clog" people's feeds or take up too much space. Even though it's natural for me, I still get insecure about sharing often. However, there has been an image that has helped me: a paintbrush. And here's how that image became important to me: I came across a quote by the African American sculptor Augusta Savage one day while researching her: She said, "I have created nothing really beautiful, really lasting, but if I can inspire one of these youngsters to develop the talent, I know they possess, then my monument will be in their work." This quote holds even more significance to me because it highlights the unfortunate fact that despite being the only black woman commissioned by the World Fair, Augusta Savage's work was destroyed after the fair in 1939. This quote made me realize that sharing my work in my own way can help others learn, even if it's just how to be present or take a deep breath. My daily work can help others learn in their own way. For me, a paintbrush symbolizes the process and how I can return to it daily in my own way. Often with help, those little things become books and more! But most days, it's just moving from one little piece to the next in my own way. I definitely challenge myself to make larger works like books, and at the same time, the small daily sharing helps me stay with the process. Each piece of my work is like a brushstroke on a larger canvas that will not be finished until the end of my life. Augusta Savage's words have taught me that letting the work live beyond me in the way it wants to is what matters. And if it ends up being broken up into a million tiny pieces, I am more than okay with that. -- Morgan Harper Nichols

[evolvingchaoswitch]

Comprehensive Guide to your Traumatized Partner

Summary:

Reader and Rocket have agreed that their both shit at taking care of themselves and have decided to take care of one another. Follow them on the difficult journey of putting those words into action and figuring out what it really means to care for one another. And whatever intergalactic bullshit that the universe throws at them to make things harder than it needs to be.

Notes:

This is the same Reader from my previous Rocket x Reader fanfics, so if you need context I'd suggest giving those a read. To my Readers that have been following this chain of stories I hope you enjoy the ride, sidenote this is my first time writing since I've been medicated for my ADHD for the first time in my life, and I would love to hear in the comments if you notice a difference in quality levels. I was able to write this in two days rather than it taking a whole week to get half this chapter done and I'm really happy. Enjoy :D Just realized I forgot to put my fics up on Tumblr for my non Ao3 friends

Chapter 1: Jealously

Chapter Text

It had been a few days since your injury and for the most part your fellow Guardians were pretty chill over the fact that you weren’t ready to explain why you had wanted to leave. Today you finally bit the bullet and explained what had been going on in your head before that point with mixed reactions; you didn’t tell them about the hardcore fucking with Rocket or the deal the two of you had made. As per usual it was uncomfortable to try to be vulnerable in any way given your past history, you fought yourself against the urge to pinch or scratch yourself as a way of introducing pain to help you self regulate. You didn’t notice that Rocket was taking stock of your body language as if he was trying to build an internal database of some of your more subtle distress signals to look out for later.

You gave the cliff notes version of your personal history opting out of the gritter sections of your childhood, with Peter having such a close relationship to his Mother you couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t encourage you to reconnect with yours; though you didn’t use that word for her. You could tell that Mantis knew a bit more about what was going on about your general energy in the moment but seemed to understand the look you gave a moment ago. The clear look that any further interference with your emotional state would be taken as some major boundary stomping and to say you’d react poorly was a gross understatement. Drax placed a firm hand on your shoulder to give a comforting squeeze, it was usually the people that were good parents that picked up on some of your tone and language surrounding your biological ties.

Rocket stayed off to the side observing you before speaking “Ar’ight leave them alone that’s enough chit chat bout their personal stuff”

Could Rocket tell you were getting overwhelmed with the conversation or was he just sick of the conversation? Rocket wasn’t the best person at fully processing through his own trauma, maybe he thought it was better to shove the incident into the back of everyone’s minds rather than go through the uncomfortable emotions. You needed to have them understand one clear boundary before this conversation ended. You took a deep breath before letting your mask slide down a bit to deliver the most honest version of yourself for this sentence.

“I’m going to be writing in my journal again, and if any one on this ship even Groot reads through my personal thoughts and feelings without my consent there will be issues”

The calm coldness of your voice made a few of your shipmates very unused to that tone step back slightly.

“Issues?” Peter echoed the phrase back to you voice tinged with a nervousness that wasn’t there before.

You continued in the same frigid saccharine tone that you had used before “I’m a nice person till I’m not and when I’m not”

You stepped forward delighting in the fact that he instinctively stepped back trying to edge away from the energy you were putting off. He was frightened. Good. Afterall he was one of the ones that started the trend of thieving the journal from you before you had abandoned it.

“And when I’m not I tend to get spiteful” The slow foxlike smirk slowly painted itself over your lips.

“What happens when you get spiteful?” You could see the lesson was sinking into Peter's head rapidly but you needed to make sure they all had a good idea of what you actually were capable of.

“I get creative” You let the dangerous connotations of the phrase hang in the air before continuing.

“Couple that with the fact I have a particular skill at gathering personal information about the people around me due to being one of those quiet observers types I tend to get a lot of material to work with and you all know my thoughts about wasted resources”

You might not be top tier with your ability to outshine any of them physically but psychological warfare was your bread and butter. Being raised in such a toxic homelife had sharpened your senses and your ability to hurt people by exploiting their subtle vulnerabilities, you didn’t like to use the skill but no matter how much time passes between your use of it you could still wield it as masterfully as a maestro at their instrument.

“You do understand what I mean don’t you all” You slowly turned in place so that you made eye contact with each and every one of them with the same bite that you were giving Peter so they fully understood; even Rocket. You didn’t even speak that loudly but you knew that every one of them heard what you said and it was written all over their faces.

You tilted your head to the side, scrunching your face up in the same cute passive aggressive smile that you had perfected over the years “Fantastic” before letting the energy return to your usual chill state.

You decided to head back to your room to let the message fully sink in and to let the racing of your heart settle down. It wasn’t easy to let your mask down to show the uglier sides of your personality but it needed to be done. You needed something soft to cuddle and for a moment you thought about how snuggling with Rocket would be amazing. Either curling him into your body as he took the position of the little spoon, letting your energies soak into one another and drawing comfort from each other's presence. Maybe he’d try to be the big spoon letting you feel as small as you felt inside but from a point of safety for once, perhaps he’d even stroke behind your ear in the way that you loved; though that seemed impossible he didn’t even know about that spot.

Both scenarios felt unlikely after all it was clear to anyone that had eyes that Rocket’s experience in being touch starved led him to being touch adverse outside of sexual touches which wasn’t the headspace you needed to be in. You both needed to sit down to talk about what taking care of one another meant in practice, what the boundaries that needed to be respected and a bunch of other phrases that you had learned during your time in therapy but that could wait till after your nap. Reaching into a bag that you had hidden under the bed ages ago you pulled out Judy, your rainbow fox squishmellow to cuddle as you slept. You kept her out of sight to avoid her being messed with like your former journal was, and you really didn’t need to hear anyone raz on you for your comfort item. As your eyes drifted shut you made a note to journal when you woke up next to get a better idea of what to do with Rocket next.

Rocket had watched on the sidelines as you gave the gist around why you had wanted to leave earlier this week. He glared at each one of his crew mates as you spoke to ensure they kept their traps shut till you were done talking, judging by the way your hands were fidgeting Rocket figured this was hard for you. He was fucking awful at reaching out for help, being honest with his feelings and all that other mushy stuff for himself so he got how hard it was. Honestly he admired your bravery but he could also see how the conversation took its toll on you before you shifted topics.

Then the energy in the room altered as your voice had suddenly shifted to a tone he had never heard from you before which was both unnerving and sexy as flark. Somehow his Kit had managed to terrify every single one in that room for a moment and they didn’t even raise their voice. Every syllable that left your lips had this perplexing blend of syrupy sweetness and bitter cold that had managed to raise his hackles up; as well as his cock which twitched with excitement. Rocket knew that there was some type of edge to your personality that he was attracted to, and he was enjoying witnessing it. It was good for you to start acting like who you really were rather than faking it. He had been more than ready to start ribbing on Quill when your eyes turned on him as they did everyone else in the room individually and he swallowed whatever comment he was going to say.

Your eyes were practically slitted alight with a predatory glint that Rocket had only seen twice before and both had been while he was buried deep within those warm tight walls of yours. He was somewhat glad that you had left the room quickly before he ended up stripping you of your pants and pounding you rotten in front of everyone. You two were still figuring shit out and you didn’t need those morons making it any harder for the both of you. Rocket wasn’t quite sure where to start in that talking thing you both planned to do about your new situation but he did have an idea of how to keep everyone's mitts of your journal; even his.

Rifling through his tools he got to work on putting a lock on your journal that only your biometrics could open, and would record the last person who handled the book if it wasn’t you. You had explained to him earlier that keeping all your thoughts swirling in your head made you feel anxious and put you in a bad way. He was hoping this would help and show you that he was sorry for messing with your journal without having to say it out loud; he still wasn’t great with giving apologies.

Rocket got up off of his work station after he had finished the lock to go track down where you had made your way off to. Rocket wasn’t a fan of how much you holed yourself up in your room but he couldn’t say anything. Something told him that being hypocritical would do him no favors, and he was really hoping to get back into bed with you again. A delightful shiver trickled down his spine as memories of the last encounter flooded his cerebellum, his mouth watered remembering how good you tasted quivering under his tongue.

Rocket entered your room after knocking only to be greeted with the sight of you sleeping back to the door. He watched as you rolled over in your sleep clutching some fat rainbow animal thing that you were squeezing tightly to yourself, burying your face in what looked like soft material. Intellectually Rocket understood that this had to be one of those Terran comfort items that both you and Quill had tried to explain to him when you first joined the crew. What Rocket couldn’t understand was why he felt so annoyed at the mere existence of the thing. Made no flarkin sense since there was no contest between him and it as to who was better after all he was real.

Rocket heard you made out a little whimper in your sleep, most likely from a nightmare judging by the microexpressions that spread across your face signaling your distress. Rocket didn’t like what he saw, it made something in his chest clench uncomfortably that had nothing to do with his forced enhancements, the feeling only got stronger when he could smell the scent of tears. He instinctively raised his paw to wipe the few tears that had escaped, as soon as you felt the warmth he watched as you moved your head towards his touch and your face started to relax a little.

It was taking Rocket a moment to catch up to the fact that his touch soothed you in some way, and he wondered what would happen if he gave you some more access to his touch. Edging the rainbow thing out of your arms slowly so as not to disturb you, he slipped into the space that it had previously occupied settling into the crook of your neck. Rocket figured that he owed you some cuddling to make up for not doing any the first time you two had sex and sending you on that downward spiral that almost had you; Rocket couldn’t finish the sentence.

He felt as your arms adjusted around him pulling him closer as you breathed in his scent before a calm smile slowly spread across your face replacing the frown that had been there seconds ago. Rocket usually didn’t like cuddling, it made him feel claustrophobic being forced into such close proximity to others like he was in one of those prison sleep piles but something about this was nice. At first he was sure you were confusing him for that squishy thing that you were holding earlier then he felt you nuzzle the top of his head and mumbled “Rocket snuggles” in a contented murmur.

Rocket couldn’t tell you at what point he had drifted off to better sleep than he had gotten in the last while but if he had to hazard a guess it had to be shortly after that.

You had thought you had woken up from your rest but there was no way that Rocket was cuddling you in every way you wished he had before and have it not be a dream. You took a moment to adjust to your waking state before confirming that yes it was Rocket curled into your side, gently purring up a storm in his sleep as your hand had unconsciously started stroking his head at some point. You bent your head down to place a soft kiss on the top of his head, giving a little bit of extra love to where he needed it most. You could feel him start to stir as he slowly woke up. Your eyes drifted over to where Judy had been unceremoniously tossed across the room further away from you than if you had dropped her in your sleep.

You found yourself looking down at his beautiful maroon colored eyes before you made the connection that he was awake.

“Hey” You said as gently as you could, taking into consideration how close your mouth was to his ear. You watched as he gave out a long yawn before he spoke “Hey” . You noticed that he didn’t do anything to remove himself from your arms immediately which made your heart skip with joy.

“Don’t remember falling asleep embracing you but I’m not unhappy with the update, though why does it look like Judy was thrown across the room?”

“Is tat what it’s name is?” You could see Rocket narrow his eyes at your squishmellow like she had wronged him somehow, then an insane concept crossed your mind.

“Rocket, did you yeet Judy across the room to take her place?” You watched as his ears twitched in slight annoyance at the mention of her again.

“Don’t know whatcha talkin about” You could feel him blushing through his fur as he tried to deny it, you couldn’t help but pull him in for a hug without saying anything further, you didn’t want to mess up the moment.

“What brought you to my room for a visit? Usually you’re tinkering on something by now” You pressed into him further hoping to convey that you enjoyed his presence in your arms.

Rocket gestured over to your table where some new invention of his laid “Made you that, it’ll keep your journal locked up an safe from prying eyes once you equip it” he snickered “It’ll even take a recording of who dicked with it so you can shame em later for it” Of course Rocket would build in a punishment that was so on brand for him.

You smiled down at him “Well thank you, I love it” You placed a gentle kiss on the tip of his maw enjoying the smile that spread on his face. Gifts were most definitely his love language. You opened your arms to let him escape from your grip, you didn’t want to push any of his boundaries by holding onto him too tightly. You felt as he corrected your arms to wrap around him again much to your delight “I ain’t movin unless you want me to” The second part of the sentence was said surprisingly softly compared to his usual brash tone.

You looked down at him sheepishly “I just know you don’t like being touched that much for non sexy things, so I didn’t want to push for more but I love this so much” You were trying to fight your blush down but were failing spectacularly.

“I like your touch, it’s calming” He said so softly that you almost missed it “And both of us touch starved schmucks need it more than that thing does” He gestured over at Judy who was smiling from her position on the floor.

You dismissed the idea of giving him some good natured teasing and opted instead to remove his top then yours. He looked confused till you brought him back in the snuggling position you had been before, now nestled skin to fur, and you were certain he didn’t hear the contented trilling noise he had made but you were going to keep that in your mind forever.

Nothing more needed to be said at the moment, not aloud at the very least, it could all wait till later. For now nothing in the galaxy existed but you and him; and that was all that mattered.

Chapter Management

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Chapter 2: University Major

Summary:

Rocket has new tech that has an effect on his relationship with the Reader, and Reader has some feelings about this new piece of tech. Throw in a trip to one of the hottest dance clubs in the galaxy? Well you're in for a good time or are you?

Notes:

Note: References to pro-Cannabis use and call out to an OC of a friend of mine Mr.Cosmic intergalactic DJ and weed connoisseur, whose tokes are literally out of this world. I hope you enjoy looking forward to see any comments left and till next time :)

Chapter Text

Something was going to change about your current situation before the end of the night or you were going to SNAP, CRACKLE and POP! At the beginning of last week you had finally thought that Rocket was finally in a good enough place for the two of you to finally define what taking care of one another meant, neither one of you was fantastic with trying to explain what you needed from another person, so the conversation was going to be a doozy. Then on the last mission Rocket managed to get his delightfully devious paws around a new piece of technology that he had become completely obsessive over. Trying to get his attention was impossible. He was completely bewitched by his new toy and you were completely pissed that he went from being jealous of your Squishmellow cuddling you to falling asleep at his work bench instead of spending the night with you.

You were also beginning to feel that twisting ball of nerves that clenched painfully in your stomach every time Rocket brushed you off, maybe the two of you weren’t right for each other. Afterall Rocket got what he really wanted out of you during the interaction that started it all, he hadn’t approached you for any more sex; was this his way of ghosting you? You shoved your Bluetooth earphones in and started blasting a song into your cerebellum to distract from your thoughts. You ended up listening to Fixer Upper by Chandler Leighton on repeat in a delightful bout of echolalia before finally feeling good enough to join the others in one of the many hangout spots on the Milano.

You stepped into the edges of the conversation that was already in progress to get an idea of what everyone was talking about so excitedly. Apparently the Milano was headed to the hottest club in the galaxy run by the man that brought the chill to every event, Mr.Cosmic. The club was called The Blazing Place which housed one of the biggest dance floors on that side of the galaxy, including designated places on the dance floor that left space for people to add floor work to their dancing. There was also a gambling floor for people to enjoy their hands at lady luck, you could hear Rocket boasting about how many suckers he planned to target at the poker tables. You swallowed down a bitter lump of disappointment. He wasn't even going to ask if you might want to do something with him, so fuck him then.

You were smart enough to read the writing on the wall when it came to determining if someone was actually into you and whatever that moment you both had was now over. So now to get over him, maybe try to get a one night stand for the evening. It had never been your usual style but maybe it was time to try to venture out of your comfort zone. Some booze, some Terran dance music ; the club's specialty; and the decent chance that at least one being might find you attractive enough to invest some time into. You were not going to let another persons problems with commitment roped you into staying in a situation longer than was healthy to; fuck that!

You had taken a little longer to get ready than the rest of the group but you knew where they were going so you had told them to go on ahead. You pulled on your favorite black crop top with a deep v-cut in the front that clung to you like a second skin preventing your chest from going anywhere when you dance but still providing some delightfully saucy levels of cleavage. A pair of black leather like pants that gave your tiny tush the type of lift that made your legs look like they went on forever, thick heeled metal accented boots served two purposes of fulfilling your aesthetic needs and being safe to dance in without breaking your ankle.

You clipped in a few extensions into your hair to give it a bit more length to flip around on the dance floor, you did love some good hairography to go along with whatever string of moves you put together. You went sultry with your makeup extending your eyeliner into sharper points in both corners of your eyes, and it would be blasphemy to not pair the look with your favorite shade of red lipstick aptly named I am Fierce. What other shade of color could be more perfect. Pulling on your favorite spiked choker that proudly read CHAOS and slid your litany of mismatching earrings into your many piercings you headed into the club.

The club was filled with splotches of green and blue on its walls that really reminded you of fruit gushers for some reason that escaped you. It was a pleasing array of shades to look at coupled with the different levels of flashing lights towards the dance floor that beckoned to you but something ended up stopping you from immediately heading over to the dance floor, someone was calling your name. You turned to see who it was because it didn’t sound like any of your crewmates and to your astonishment it was your old roommate from university Stacy.

In the standard way of two neurodivergent friends that hadn’t seen each other in a few years the two of you circled around each other like excited dogs and asked rapid fire questions to catch up. Like what the fuck she was doing in space; tourism apparently; and what the fuck you were doing in space ; helping your crew. You two linked arms heading to the bar to get something to drink before heading to one of the floor work safe areas both agreeing to split the cost of the floorspace for the next three hours. You had donated many hours to dancing with her at clubs to help her pick up some one night stands so it was time for Stacy to return the favor and if you weren’t able to get anyone that you felt safe with you’d go bang it out with her. Just like the old days.

To your delight the both of you danced just as well as you did  back when you were on the same dance team, this club wasn’t ready for this pair of dance majors that was for damn sure.

Rocket was grinning behind his glass of Delorian whiskey as he watched some other poor sucker lose money to his superior gambling skills at the table he was playing at. Quill had been right, the trip to the club was what the crew needed. Each one of them wandered their way to the part of the club that suited their entertainment needs and each one seemed to be having a good time. Rocket briefly wondered what the newest member of the crew was up to, he wasn’t expecting the wave of guilt that accompanied the thought, he hadn’t paid a lot of attention to them in the last week. Too wrapped up in that sexy piece of tech he managed to get his hands on, he didn’t even realize it had been a week since he went to see them and he was really hoping the outing he planned for the two of you with all the money he just won would make up for it.

Rocket decided to go sit down with Quill to see whatever the twat was so obsessed with watching on the multiple screens littered in different lounge set ups in the club.

“Whatcha watching Quill?” He figured just asking outright would be the best course of action.

Peter took another swallow of his own drink before turning to Rocket “ It’s footage from the dance floor, you can vote for your favorite section of the floor  if you really like someone dancing or if it’s so bad you want to enjoy watching the person fuck up”

Rocket was about to ask Pete if he saw anything from the dance floor concerning their newest crew member when a voice rang through the comm system of the club.

“THIS IS MR.COSMIC SHOUTING OUT FROM THE DANCE FLOOR, WHERE TWO DANCE MAJORS ARE PUTTING ON ONE HELL OF A SHOW ! TUNE INTO SCREEN 6 TO WATCH AND ENJOY THE VIBES PARTY PEOPLE!!!”

Rocket got his answer as to where you went as he watched the screen switch to footage from the dance floor to where the object of his affection was enjoying themselves, looking sexier than he had ever seen them. The blonde dancing with them wasn’t hard on the eyes by any measure but he wasn’t comfortable with the amount of familiarity each showed when touching each other's bodies, though he couldn’t bring himself to move from his seat staring at the screen.

Tell me what you want, what you like, it's okay

I'm a little curious too

Each dancer walked towards the other slowly before meeting in the middle tentatively cupping each other's face in a shy but gently teasing manner.

Tell me if it's wrong, if it's right, I don't care

I can keep a secret, can you?

Both dragged a finger over their lips before slowly pointing at each other with a playful flirtation behind the flourishes of the hand movement.

Got my mind on your body and your body on my mind

Got a taste for the cherry, I just need to take a bite

 Their respective hands dragged their way from the head tapping it gently before sliding sensually down the torso before reversing the action back up the body. Licking the lower lip as if to get the traces of cherry off the lip before nipping at the air in front of them.

Don't tell your mother

Kiss one another

Die for each other

We're cool for the summer

Each leaned in close ghosting lips over one another before clawing down the column of each other's throats, leaving angry red marks trailing down the opposite side of each throat. Suddenly both broke apart to strut to opposite sides of the rented space.

Rocket’s breath caught in his throat when the two almost kissed, and then had to push down the feelings of possessiveness when he saw the welt on the side of your neck. Who was that blonde bitch that thought she had the right to leave marks on his Kit and before he could ruminate on the thought further his jaw dropped at the energy behind the strut. The look in their eyes when they strutted clearly spelt out the message bitches bow down; they were taking what they wanted with  full unabashed  confidence; Rocket hoped he got to be bitches in this situation.

Take me down into your paradise

Don't be scared, 'cause I'm your body type

Just something that we wanna try

'Cause you and I, we're cool for the summer

Sliding hands down over the crotch to give clear indication to what paradise was , rolling the bodies down slowly before snapping their heads up into a well timed hair flip with the music. Rapid small movements showing the control each dancer had over their abdominal muscles, coupled with rolling hips and arm movements that flowed in time with the beat occasionally slowing down for emphasis. 

The lyrics faded out to Rocket for a moment as he focused on the way Kits body responded to the mystery blonde, was she an old lover or someone looking to become a new lover? He watched as the blonde splayed themselves down on the floor, arms above her head ,legs open wide as Kit slid over their body grinding before rolling their body against  the woman then guiding her back up onto her feet and into the next set of moves for their dance.

Rocket had always been impressed by the way his Kit had moved even before he tied them to the bed. He had loved watching them scale buildings and whatever was in the way really during missions, the level of trust they had in themselves to make each jump astounded him. The dark corners of Rockets mind reached out to coax him into remembering why you had taken up the hobby you had at that level, it was his Kits version of an indirect suicide attempt each time they jumped or climbed something before he forcibly put some safety tech in their gear. For once the darkness in his mind was unable to take root this evening because Rocket was too entranced by the swinging hips of his darling Kit.

We're cool for the summer

We're cool for the summer

The next strut across the dance floor had both dancers give their breasts a quick grab in an aggressive but suggestive way, licking their lips as they did so, before dropping their hips down and rocking them side to side.

Shh, don't tell your mother

Got my mind on your body and your body on my mind

Got a taste for the cherry, I just need to take a bite

(Take me down)

Rocket watched as you slid in front of the mystery blonde only to have hands heavy over your body directing where your body needed to move to make it look like you were seeking the blondes touch. Rocket couldn’t help but let out a small growl as he watched as the two nearly kissed again before losing the sound to the echoing of his own dropped jaw. Kit had gone from standing on two feet to moving into a perfectly timed body roll right against the floor, before just as quickly moving into the next series of moves.

“Goddamn they are good at floorwork” 

Rocket for the first time since the dancing started remembered Quill was sitting right next to him and he did not appreciate that leering look he was giving them. Peter looked at the glare Rocket gave him before quirking his head to the side in confusion.

“What I can enjoy the view, it’s not like they’re with anyone and they are clearly looking for some fun tonight. If not with the smoking hot blonde then with someone else” 

Peter turned to look at his clearly aggravated friend with more attention than he had previously been giving to ask the question that had been stuck on his mind for the last while and it would clear up whether or not he should go join you on the dancefloor. One thing was certain at the end of the night was that the newest crewmate was going to officially be the one they ended any dance battles with; you were a goddamn assassin on the dance floor.

“What’s going on with you two? Thought you both were a thing, especially seeing all the marks you left on them but in the last week especially you’ve been ignoring them and every attempt they made to get your attention in favor of playing with the new tech you got your hands on instead. You ghosting them or something because I know I’ve been guilty of it in the past but dude not cool if you are”

Rocket’s ears flattened to his head, he’d known he had failed to pay attention to his Kit in the last week but he didn’t realize how many times they had tried to initiate during that week. He thought they were just really happy he had something to play with, and didn’t even think to look closer into the situation to see if his assumption was based in fact. Flark he was an asshole.

“What the flark is ghosting?”  Rocket tried to pull some of the self loathing into aggression in his voice instead, after all Pete was contemplating shooting his shot and he needed to shut that shit down asap.

Even he recognized when he spoke that his voice failed to have the level of bite he wanted from it.

“It’s when you start shutting down communication with a person somewhat abruptly, I mean it’s not entirely the same since it’s pretty obvious what your time is going to, but it is kinda similar”

Peter took another gulp of his drink “Look whatever issues you two got going on, you both need to figure that shit out, before”  He started to trail off not knowing how to finish the sentence off without potentially pissing Rocket off.

“Before?”  Rocket didn’t like the mixture of emotions on Peter’s face.

“Before our darling crewmate decides that the lack of clarification from your end means that you’re no longer interested in pursuing anything further with them”

Rocket watched as Peter’s eyes trailed back to the screen again before pointing at it “Afterall an outfit with dance moves like that? That’s someone putting the clear vibe out that they want to be seen as attractive and would like some attention”

Rocket looked up at the screen himself to see what the dance moves that Peter was trying to call attention to.

Gotta be compatible

Takes me to my limits

Girl, when I break you off

I promise that you won't want to get off

If you're horny, let's do it

Ride it, my pony

My saddle's waitin'

Come and jump on it

The variety of different moves that you were able to pull off while having your knees on the dancefloor both impressed and aroused him. Rocket downed his drink quickly before heading down to the dance floor, as he had some misunderstandings to clear up before he had to shove his blaster up the nostrils of some misinformed dumbass that tried to touch you. He waved Quill off as he told him good luck, he didn’t need it after all he was damn good at getting the results he wanted when he put his mind to it.

You were having a blast dancing with Stacy, spinning around each other just like old times, and judging by the amount of eyes on you during your dancing it was safe to say it wouldn’t be hard to find a partner to lick your wounds with. You headed over to the bathrooms opting to wait outside for her to finish when you felt someone grab your hand, in a grip that you were very familiar with.

“Can we talk?” You looked down to lock eyes with Rocket's dark whiskey colored eyes, you could see the jealousy he was trying to squash down and the gruffness of his voice did nothing to disguise that the question was more of a demand than request.

You snatched your hand back “I don’t know Rocket you seem to be far happier when I’m not talking to you” You glowered at him not bothering to hide the hostility in your eyes, you were sick of feeling like you were just an afterthought, it just re-enforced to you the belief that you were too much for anyone in a relationship to handle.

“I just wanna talk to yeah, Kit” He shouted over the music more aggressively than he had meant to, he wasn’t used to you being so pissed at him and he wasn’t responding well to it at all.

Rocket watched as your face glowed with rage, a  vicious scowl cutting across your lips, eyes filled with a fury he wasn’t used to being directed at him and he could see your hands clench having the nails bite into the skin.

“YOU DON’T GET TO USE PET NAMES WHEN YOU’VE BEEN IGNORING ME FOR A WEEK! IF I’M NOT WORTH INVESTING ATTENTION IN JUST TELL ME AND I CAN MOVE ON YOU FUCKING COWARD!!”

Your face was flushed a deep red, your breathing coming into your lungs in quick frenzied breaths, and your entire body trembling with rage. How fucking dare he! You were going to tear him a new orifice but then suddenly you heard a voice interrupt the blossoming fight.

“Hello Friends, I get that you’re trying to sort some shit out but we don’t need you killing everyone's vibes. So here is a private room for you to hash it out in. Peace Bitches!!”

All you remember was seeing the swirl of the galaxy before finding yourself with Rocket in a very comfy pale blue room accented with an array of lush plants and plush looking furniture in shades of dark oak brown.

“Did I just see the entirety of the galaxy or did the entirety of the galaxy see me?”  You plopped down on the couch taking note of how comfortable it felt as you reoriented yourself with reality.

“I have no idea” Rocket inhaled for the joint that was already lit in his mouth “When the flark did I get a joint?”

You shook your head and rolled your eyes “Mr.Cosmic, duh”  You took a drag from your  joint that you forgot you were smoking. Where did I?  You already answered your own question.

Rocket took another draw of the joint exhaling it through his muzzle “I didn’t realize that I was ignoring you right away and I didn’t want to approach you till I had planned some grand event to make it up to you. Guess I screwed the pooch with that huh?”

Your shoulder slumps as you leaned forward “Always the engineer eh Rocket? Can’t show someone a solution till it’s finished. I would have just preferred if you went to bed with me yesterday” You took a harsh inhale of the joint “I even made a big production of dragging Judy around near you announcing like a git that it was bedtime and I was going to enjoy a nice cuddle that night and no reaction from you at all”

Rocket wanted to smack himself on the forehead,  thinking back that must have been why Gamora suggested that he go to bed last night instead of falling asleep at his work bench again. 

“Why didn’t you just snatch the ting out of my hands if you wanted my attention?” Rocket’s voice was low, he couldn’t understand why you didn’t just snatch the item out of his paws if you wanted attention. Others have done it before so why didn’t you?

A hollow chuckle escaped your lips “Like that wouldn’t have gotten me bitten”

“I wouldn’t have bitten you” Rocket could feel his hackles start to raise as he snapped out the phrase harsher than he meant to.

Irritation slipped into your voice with every syllable “You bit Mantis twice a month ago for doing the same thing you’re suggesting and it clearly bothers you when people do that Rocket. I’d never disrespect such a clear and obvious boundary that you were presenting!” 

Rocket didn’t know what to say he wasn’t that great at the emotional talkin stuff, getting people over their rock bottom moments he could flarkin do that no damn problem but trying to do the same about current issues, that was hard for him.

“I wouldn’t have bitten you” He placed a paw on your shoulder only to have you shrug it off and turn away from him, slowly curling into yourself as the last wisps of the joint slipped out of your mouth.

“Of course you wouldn’t have” The bitterness in your voice surprised Rocket “You haven’t approached me for sex at all” You turned to look at Rocket hating that there was no way that he couldn’t see the tears threatening to escape from the edges of your eyes “If I was some curiosity you sated and decided it wasn’t good enough fucking tell me!!”  You turned your head away “Don’t fucking lead me on and hope that finally someone might want to deal with my damage enough to actually put the effort in” 

You were fully crying though not facing Rocket.

Rocket couldn’t believe what he was hearing! Did you not remember how he responded to you the first time you both slept together? How completely enthralled he was with every reaction he was able to pull from your incredibly responsive body?  He didn’t want to scare you with his libido, with how he wanted to feel your skin on his fur, how much he wanted to sleep with you still buried deep into that delightful pussy of yours just so he could go to bed feeling as connected to a person as closely as physically possible.

“I can’t deal with another person saying that they want to put in the effort to know my damage, to want to help with it and then silently reneging on the offer without giving me the update. Leaving me to keep hoping that maybe this time I’m enough, that this time someone is going to say something and mean it. That I’m not going to be abandoned just like the stray I am once the novelty of me has worn off to then”

Your body shook with sobs.

“I just can’t” The sentence was broken up through shaky inhales of breath and tears.

Rocket was floored to hear what had just come out of your mouth, it would seem that his Kit had just as shitty an inner voice as he did. He also wanted to hunt down every asshat that had made you feel that way but right now you needed assurance and he was going to give it to you but he knew he needed to show through actions as talk was cheap to you.

Rocket leaned over your hunched form, nuzzling at your tear streaked face and started to lick away at the tears which caused you to turn your head confused. He took the opportunity offered to get his head under your chin to start purring underneath it hoping the vibrations would soothe you. You weren’t shoving him away so that had to be a good sign right? He gently pushed you down on the plush couch while pushing himself further into your torso, trying to get as much skin to fur as he could get. He removed his top before continuing with what he had started.

He hoped that this would work.

He heard the quick inhale of breath when one of his fangs nipped under your chin as he was giving it soft reassuring licks and he couldn’t help himself but he nibbled again. He continued to kiss the column of your throat, leaving small occasional nips just to keep hearing the delightful sound you made every time he did. He was elated in how you moved your body so responsively to his touch, arcing your torso towards him making it easy to start slowly dragging his paw over the tops of your breasts. He kissed the small bit of skin behind your ear that he had unintentionally ignored during your last physical tryst, and instantly regretted not capitalizing on the bundle of nerves sooner because the noises you made were downright criminal in all the best ways.

Taking both hands off of your breasts for a moment, Rocket cupped your face drawing you into a long sensual kiss. You felt as he left several small kisses on your lips as if to leave his mark on every section before sliding his tongue into your mouth.

Rocket felt so relieved when you kissed back, the feeling of your arms wrapping his torso gave him the confidence to keep going as he reached down to unclip your top. He smiled into the kiss as he felt the warmth of each exposed breast against his torso, feeling as each nipple started to harden in response to the sensation of his fur against them. He could already smell evidence of your arousal currently pooling within your underwear as you both kissed, and he didn’t think he could get harder but there you were making him surprise himself.

He broke the kiss to continue nipping at your neck with added pressure, addicted to getting to hear those sounds come out of your mouth again, and they only got better when he got his deft fingers around those pert nipples of yours. Enjoying every second of listening to you lose control over your vocal capabilities as he lightly tortured each nipple, gently scraping his claw over each. Kissing down your torso he could feel your hands stroke the top of his head as he kissed over the tops of each freed breast, enjoying the combination of scents that was currently soaking your body, the lingering smells of the dance floor, the smoke from the joint you just smoked and all the enticing smells that peaked out from your lower half.

“R…ock…et” 

Was all that was able to slip out of your mouth once Rocket got his jaw around one of your tasty mounds, tongue spoiling the delicate areola with tender sensation. 

Rocket grinned at the eager response as his other paw busied itself kneading the other breast so that it didn’t feel neglected, before switching breasts lavishing the right with just as much enthusiasm as he did the left.

Your head felt dizzy with sensation as your body was painfully sensitive to his touch and some small part of your brain reminded you that solving communication issues with sex is what started this all but you were unable to focus once he slid off your pants.

Rocket’s mouth watered in anticipation as he was staring at your sopping wet mewling quim, flushed with arousal, your clitoris peaking out erect begging for attention. He took a second to let his hot breath wash over the delicate flesh watching in delight as it trembled in response before getting his tongue around his new favorite snack. Rocket quickly went to work reacquainting himself with every contour of your labia, sucking on each gently relishing in each moan that you let out before securing his maw against your clit. Rocket made sure he had good suction around the delectable nub that he was about to torture, as he lazily stroked the clit in small circles before alternating to bigger ones. He loved how your thighs trembled on either side of his head as he sucked the clit directly keeping it lightly trapped between two of his fangs. He switched to a rapid flicking of his tongue vertically as he switched tempo between soft and hard sucking, you came seconds later.

Rocket didn’t stop there fully intent to flood your body with so much dopamine and serotonin that you wouldn’t be able to entertain such stupid thoughts when you two finally got to the talking aspects of the issues you were having but for now this time was for your pleasure.

Rocket’s tongue stroked each inner wall of your cunt like he was trying to make his own 3-D model of it in his head. It didn't take long for him to find the location of the small ridged section of your velvety walls that marked the sensitive bundle of nerves that was your g-spot nor did it take him long to start manipulating said bundle of nerves to the point that your knees turned to jelly. Rocket continued to thrust his tongue at a pistons speed not content with the few orgasms that he had already coaxed from your willing body already, no he wanted to make sure you were thoroughly lubricated when he finally slid in. Though the pre-cum leaking from his fully erect cock was sure to help ease himself into you.

Rocket pulled away once he felt that he was satisfied with his work and judging by the lustful glaze that clouded your pretty irises he had a right to be proud. He smirked at the whimper you made as he rubbed the head of his cock up and down the soaked labia that he had just had his tongue around before slowly sinking into his favorite type of warmth. He rolled his hips into yours slowly enjoying the gasp you made as he did, he was even more enthused to watch the hips that had tormented him on the dance floor, roll to meet his with a degree of urgency that made him feel real good about himself.

Rocket kept his pace slow, deliberate so that you could feel every point of contact from each other whenever he thrust in, all you could do was chant his name like a prayer or a curse before wrapping your legs around him to bring him closer. You needed him closer.

Rocket busied himself groping your breasts as he continued to thrust, he would have preferred to take things slower but he just couldn’t. He needed to feel this closeness with you if the communication problem was ever going to be fixed. Rocket bit into the side of your neck as he came, lightly panting from the exertion and you could hear a few quiet contented trills as Rocket enjoyed the aftermath of his orgasm.

You were expecting him to slide out, and put distance between the both of you like the last time but to your surprise Rocket made no moves to get up.

“I wanna be close with you like this all the time, but it’s not something we could pull off living and working on a ship. And I didn’t want to scare you off with how much I like touchin yah”

You looked down at Rocket sighing lightly to yourself, you were both a pair of idiots that liked to assume what the other was thinking and the meaning behind each action.

“We need to have that actual talk, Rocket, we can’t keep doing this back and forth dance of assuming what the other is up to then getting it wrong. I can’t handle the emotional whiplash”

Your eyes were begging him to agree.

Rocket looked up at you “You’re right” he paused before an idea crossed his mind “Maybe we can go on a trip just the two of us to hash this all out without our idiot crewmates making commentary?”

He was trying so hard, and it did sound like a good idea for you both “Alright Rocket, that sounds great”

The smile that he gave you in response was infectious and you couldn’t help but smile back as well.

Though neither of you meant to, the both of you fell asleep in the private room of The Blazing Place but woke up in your room on the Milano with a few pre-rolled joints on your bedside table and a note that read: Glad you two were able to work things out. Enjoy these joints to help you both keep up with the new better vibes!Come back anytime!

Mr.Cosmic

You decided to fall back asleep in Rocket's arms dreaming of quality time spent on the vacation you had yet to plan but things were looking up. @raccoonfallsharder @watchersclaws-blog

[firespirited]

It has been brought to my attention that people can't know me unless I let you in. You're not mind-readers or actively remembering every detail. So let's get vulnerable *awkward thumbs up*

Here are some answers to not frequently asked questions:

You can use my real name, it works for me, Saffy's a chosen name for online (and offline if people struggle with pronunciation). I like both.

Don't worry about french timezones. I sleep 14 hours a day, awake about 12, resting for about half of that. I do have to go AFK regularly to do household stuff and rest, but if i'm online it's ok to assume i'm around =)

I can't drive. Haven't learned. Finally open to the idea though.

I don't have a DNI and don't talk about squicks and stressors because Tumblr has good curation options that i use extensively: So if I don't engage with a post, it could be that it contains a specific word. Things I haven't been able to filter but can set off a spiral are gun ownership 'for protection' (science says nope). Disability and labour (specifically the idea we have to be productive and also the fact that many disabled folks are maimed by attempting work). Breath play (extremely dangerous), sloppily defined 'kink' and ill-defined long term relationships. The word glioblastoma makes me cry. Tween pregnancy, death from childbirth, covid, long covid and various aspects of rape culture get greylisted at more difficult times.

I'm ace but have no issue with erotica and nudes or most sex scenes. Doesn't do much for me, doesn't disgust me most of the time. However, I can't stand products of the porn industry: zero interest in watching the adventures of a near disembodied penis in a woman who's clearly performing. You can be sex positive, support sex work and still see the industry as detrimental. Stunt and porn performers deserve so much better.

I'm currently more financially stable than ever. It's also not much at all. Enough to choose + buy my own food and clothes. Enough to have savings for a dog's vet expenses and someone to give her 15-minute walks. It's precarious and at the whims of having a really good doctor (she's retiring soon) but it's been nice to not be scared all the time. Lily the dog is my most precious luxury and worth it.

I went a decade only seeing a GP for emergency antibiotics after medical trauma. I had to put on makeup, drink lots of sugar to stay sat upright during the visit and pretend to be weller than I was to not get put in a psych ward because he didn't "believe" in autoimmune illnesses in the young, despite being cleared by a psychiatrist and a weekly psychotherapy session for 3 months. Getting healthcare and getting it paid for has been a mixture of very good luck and a long-term uphill battle (huge amounts of online research).

I'm probably not autistic (the online science tests point towards ADHD, you could probably armchair dx that from a few posts!) but use the term 'on the spectrum' because I've been perceived as autistic since childhood, especially when I'm happy or comfortable. Can't figure out if how I identify internally matters more than how I'm seen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm often assumed to be a lesbian. eh.

I can be easily gaslit so long as it's a very slow boil. But if pushed to think about it, a core self that I've built in the past few years emerges suddenly to give me the rational overview. The clarity of that view is brutal. just brutal. Makes me question everything about myself for a while. I feel like someone trying to walk next to a car blaring 'oonst oonst' music trying to not match the beat in steps but falling into it anyway.

I'm allergic to cats but not exclusively a 'dog person'. Papaye slept just outside the door in a dog transport cage after Christmas while upstairs neighbour was busy. I just think cats are neat, they seem fine with me.

I can't explain why the main hobby ended up being dolls, it just clicks: they're bite sized and candy coloured and cute, there are so many crafting and art options for doll collectors, always loved repair. I feel very lucky to have found such a lovely community and i'm constantly getting into new crafts, new stories and making new acquaintances because it's a place where dolls get to be just one facet for connection.

I'm going to be 41 in april, my fave flower is daffodils, my fave plant is moss, all colours are nice: pastel rainbows and shades of green from lime to teal make me happiest.

'manifesting' is my current bugbear, it's stupid, it's harmful, it's just world theory repackaged, did I mention it's stupid?

I don't like onions and garlic, not unless they're super in the background. I respect the allium lovers and can (and do) put up with the smell daily but really dislike the taste. Same with coffee except that smells amazing.

Emoticons and emojis have made typing more like real language to me, I speak with my hands and accentuate words and even emote at the screen while i'm writing. I don't find it childish, not even gifs or memes, just an extension of language.

I've changed my mind about David Fincher in the past 5 years: brilliant director yes, not great at human stories after all.

If you feel like sharing your own, let this be your prompt. 💜