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taiblogcomics · 3 years

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I Can’t Pet Force You To Read This One, But...

Hey there, high school crushes. Well, it's finally here. Can you believe it? Yes, counting from the original Xanga site (which, yes, still counts. It's like our own Golden Age publication or apocryphia), this is our 10th anniversary of reviewing comics. That's fantastic. I'm excited, can't you tell? I can tell, since I'm writing this preamble a good two months before the actual anniverary~

So, last year we reviewed the absolute pile of dreck that is Heroes in Crisis. And while that was worth ripping into, I'd rather not spend the 10th anniversary hating on something. I'd like to do something actually meaningful to me. I've teased about this one for many years, probably for as long as I've been doing this blog, and I think it's time we stopped pussyfooting around and reviewed some Garfield. But not just any Garfield. It's finally time, my friends. This... is Garfield's Pet Force.

I dunno how many people will remember this one. Maybe you recall the direct-to-DVD movie adaptation from 2009, or at least advertising for it. I never saw it, but apparently it differs a bit. They also appeared a few times in those Garfield comics from back in the day. We even reviewed a couple (some were on the Xanga blog). But what we're looking at here are the original novellas published between 1997 and 1999. So yeah, these really are from my childhood. And since I've long espoused that Garfield was always funnier 20 years ago, this must be actual premium Garfield content, yeah? By golly, I hope so, because we got five whole books here today. So we should probably get into them~

Book 1: The Outrageous Origin

This is a classic sort of superhero cover. Standard team shot of poses, and that's fine for a first volume. In fact, that's great. Later editions of this would replace the lightning-filled gradient background with a pure white one, but I have this original version. We'll get to specifics about these characters in the meat of the story, but let's talk about the costumes for a bit. Very classic early-'90s sort of look, before the Dark Age kicked in. Reminds me a lot of Jim Lee's X-Men designs, actually. Making all your characters visually distinct is important in a team book. The heavy lean into secondary colours is unusual for heroic characters, but not unwelcome.

So we actually start with a cold open in the superhero universe. This is pretty much to introduce us to the characters as soon as possible, and thus I'll do the same for you here.

*Garzooka, team leader, super strong, has a razor-sharp claw, and can shoot radioactive hairballs from his mouth. That's... at least a unique power, I don't think anyone on the Justice League can do that~ *Odious, the dumb muscle with the accent on the "dumb". Possibly even stronger than Garzooka, and possessing a "super-stretchy stun tongue", an elastic tongue that can scramble the minds of whoever it adheres to. *Starlena, the team girl. She can fly, and she has a siren song that can put those who hear it into a hypnotic trance. Garzooka is the only one immune to its effects, for reasons that are never explained. *Abnermal, the kid-appeal character. He has ice powers, forcefields, and an ill-defined "pester power" that means he can annoy people on a greater scale than normal folks. It's pretty much only used for comic relief, but that could be a brilliant power in the right hands. *Compooky, the brains of the operation. Other than flight, his powers are limited to super intelligence, which means he's usually the exposition guy. There's probably a reason they left him out of the movie adaptation~

You got all that? Don't worry, we'll introduce you again later in the book. What actually happens in the intro chapter isn't really important, it's just setting up the universe. In fact, it's all taking place within Pet Force #99, a comic just enjoyed by Nermal. Yes, we quickly cut over to the main Garfield universe ("our universe", the narrator calls it), where Pet Force is just a comic book. The Garfield gang is all outside, enjoying a cookout prepared by Jon Arbuckle. Nermal is extremely enthused by his comic book, and brags about how he has all 98 previous issues sealed and polybagged, and this one will soon join them. Sorry, Nermal, this came out in 1997, the speculator boom already went bust~

Garfield dismisses comic books as stupid because you can't eat them or use them as a blanket, and declares that none of the stuff that happens in the comic could possibly happen in real life. Uh oh, irony! Because these things can happen, and do! It's a parallel universe, baby! This might be one of my earliest introductions to a "parallel worlds" concept. Much like Earths 1 and 2 in pre-Crisis DC, the events of the comic are essentially the real life adventures of their super-powered counterparts in another dimension. Most of the action in these stories will take place there~

So here's the setup: Vetvix (the parallel equivalent to Liz the veternarian) is an evil sorceress and scientist, who essentially wants to experiment on animals in peace, and possibly subjugate the universe while she's at it. You could argue that Liz is an odd choice for villain, since our universe's Liz isn't particularly evil. But then, our universe's Garfield isn't particularly heroic either. She operates out of a deadly space station called the Orbiting Clinic of Chaos, and at present she's waiting for the arrival of her henchman, Space Pie-Rat, who is a six-foot-tall anthropomorphic rat dressed in stereotypical pirate getup. Vetvix has just finished inventing a levitation ray, and she'd like Pie-Rat to go out and use it to steal all the food in the universe. Vetvix doesn't think small, is what I'm saying.

The counter to Vetvix is Emperor Jon, ruler of the planet Polyester. He's kind and benevolent, even if he's a little dippy and his fashion sense atrocious. Having gotten wind of Vetvix's latest plan, he contacts Pet Force in their ship, the Lightspeed Lasagna. Upon learning the problem, Pet Force gives chase to Pie-Rat. They eventually corner him on some desolate planet, landing and entering an abandoned factory. Unfortunately, they're not safe amongst the dangerous machinery, because this turns out to be a trap. Vetvix has been busy as hell, because she's also invented a metal that's impervious to their powers. And that's not all, because she's also basically invented the Phantom Zone, where she traps Pet Force forever. It specifically mentions it doesn’t kill them, because it wouldn't be kosher to murder the heroes in a Garfield book~

The Lightspeed Lasagna has both onboard cameras connected to the heroes' belts as well as automatic return protocols, so within two days, Emperor Jon knows exactly what's happened to Pet Force. He needs help, so he calls upon his most trusted and powerful advisor: Binky the Sorceror. Binky's just as loud and obnoxious as in the main universe, but he's also a powerful magician. He conjures up a spell for Emperor Jon that lets him pierce the veil between universes. It's basically Equestria Girls rules: parallel universes have similar characters between them. So to replace Pet Force, they need the nearest genetic equivalents from another universe. And that's the versions of Garfield, Odie, Arlene, Nermal, and Pooky that we know and love~

Back in the main universe, it's another day entirely. Another cookout is taking place, and Nermal has received his special anniversary issue of Pet Force #100. The cover's really special, dripping with '90s cover gimmicks like glow-in-the-dark and embossing. A rarely used one, though, was "portal to another universe". That was pretty expensive to print, so you won't find many comics like Nermal's. Maybe he had something there with the collecting after all. The cover glows, and while Jon is distracted by the grill, Garfield and Friends disappear~

They reappear in Emperor Jon's wood-paneled throne room, now transformed into Pet Force. Emperor Jon and Sorceror Binky try to explain the situation, but Garfield--now Garzooka--is disbelieving of the whole thing. In fact, even the idea that Jon can now hear him talk absolutely floors him. Since he's about to deliver the exposition for everyone, can we talk about Compooky for a minute? This spell has just granted sapience to Garfield's teddy bear. I don't expect deep philosophy from a children's novella, but the ramifications of this are really under-explored. Like, never mind the whole idea of a teddy bear having the same genetic makeup as an alternate universe equivalent. He goes from inanimate object to fully conscious being, and he just rolls with it.

Anyways, once everybody gets caught up on what's going on and accepts the new reality, a training montage ensues so the group can all learn to use their powers without killing each other. Once at least reasonably trained, the reborn Pet Force is sent out to stop Pie-Rat. He's gotten sloppy in the times with Pet Force dead, so they track him down easily. After a brief scuffle where Garzooka takes his eyepatch, Pie-Rat flees in his ship. They follow Pie-Rat back to the Orbital Clinic of Chaos, but they can't go in the front. That led the original Pet Force into a trap. Finding an unguarded maintenance hatch--standard on any big space station--they enter Vetvix's lair for a final confrontation!

After dealing with the Waiting Room of Doom, which slowly fills with outdated magazines, they enter Vetvix's inner sanctum. Frustrated with Pie-Rat's failure, she uses her magic to turn him into an ordinary mouse. Vetvix then attempts to use her same weapon on this new Pet Force, but thanks to story contrivance, it only works on beings born in this universe. As other dimensional visitors already, they can't be banished to another dimension. She then pulls a Dr. Claw and runs off cursing Pet Force's name while her base self-destructs. Vetvix is a very "discard and draw" sort of villain, it seems. Pet Force, of course, makes a harrowing escape just in the nick of time.

Returning to Emperor Jon, they vow to be ready to return whenever they're called on, since evil never stays dormant for long. Odious even gifts Emperor Jon with the mouse-ified Pie-Rat as proof of their victory. Well, I'm glad they remember that, so they didn't accidentally murder a major villain in their first superhero outing. They're returned to their own universe, and the time differential between them places them back with Jon having not had time to even look up from the grill. Garfield begins to doubt the adventure even happened--until that night, when he finds Pie-Rat's eyepatch still on his person. Ah, definitive proof of... eyepatches, I guess~

Book 2: Pie-Rat's Revenge!

You have to wonder where, in a space-faring superhero setting, Pie-Rat got the inspiration for his classic pirate motif. It's a little incongruous is all I'm saying. And hey, remember when I said earlier that Garzooka's purple-and-green colour scheme was odd for a hero? Well, here he is as a villain! That'll catch your eye. This would be a terrific comic cover, which is what you want in a series like this.

The book opens with a brief recap of the previous story's events, then moves into the new plot. See, Emperor Jon has opted to keep the polymorphed Pie-Rat as his pet. How very Ron Weasley of him. That's pretty apt, actually, because similarly Pie-Rat has maintained his intelligence in his new mousey form. Pie-Rat gets sick of being Emperor Jon's pet and plans a daring escape, exploiting the emperor's dimwitted and loving personality against him. Pie-Rat jams the lock with a food pellet and makes his escape that night.

Once free from his cage, he encounters Binky's cauldron, still left in the throne room from when the sorceror summoned Pet Force from Garfield's universe. Figuring he has nothing to lose, Pie-Rat jumps in the leftover brew. Suddenly he finds himself growing. He returns to his original anthropomorphic state--but with a twist. He's now twice his original height, a staggering twelve feet tall. He scoops up the rest of the remaining potion for later, and sneaks out of the palace as best as a 12-foot rat can sneak. Desiring revenge on both his former employer and his longtime foes, he steals Pet Force's ship and makes his escape from the planet, headed for Vetvix's newest base.

After his guards help Emperor Jon put the pieces of the problem together, they decide they must once again call upon the powers of Pet Force to recover their missing vehicle and stop the newly embiggened Pie-Rat. Fortunately, Garfield and friends have been watching movies all weekend, so Jon doesn't notice when his pets disappear from the living room in a bright flash. Of course, once returned to the alternate universe and the situation explained, they still have a problem: how do they give chase to Pie-Rat when he's got their ship?

And speaking of Pie-Rat in their ship, he's followed the trail of a mysterious energy output, and it's led him right to Vetvix's new base, the Menacing Moon of Mayhem. See, this is why you don't blow up your base: the backup base is never as good. if it was, it wouldn't be the backup. Given that it's such a shoddy base, Pie-Rat is easily able to get inside and get close to Vetvix. She's expecting a technological attack, so she's unprepared when he pulls out that vial of magic potion and sprinkles her with it. And naturally, the potion that made him grow 12 feet tall makes Vetvix shrink to 5 inches. It's magic, we don't have to explain it!

Pie-Rat takes the magic crystal that Vetvix uses to fuel her powers, which of course didn't shrink because magic is just bullshit. See previous paragraph's last sentence. And while Pie-Rat takes over the base and begins plotting a further revenge against Pet Force, we cut over to them. They're at Sorceror Binky's own castle, and it's clear he's a bit of a hoarder. This is to their advantage, though, as they eventually piece together a working spaceship out of old car parts and other things, all patched together between Compooky's know-how and Binky's magic. This seems like the sort of book where I could use that "it's magic" quote every other paragraph. But craft a new--if small--ship they do, and speed off in the newly christened Planetary Pizza.

The rickety little ship does eventually find its way to Pie-Rat's base, saving him the trouble of being proactive as a villain. The magic thing keeps happening, and Pie-Rat basically becomes Discord for a bit while he fights them, doing things like turning Starlena's siren song into actual living music notes. One by one, the members of Pet Force are taken out, with only Garzooka is left. He and Pie-Rat struggle, while Pie-Rat tries to aim the magic crystal at Garzooka. Garzooka uses his claw to rip the crystal from Pie-Rat and defeat him.

Unfortunately, here's where the cover comes in. It seems the moments Pie-Rat was focusing the crystal during the struggle affected Garzooka's mind. He puts the crystal around his own neck. which turns him evil. He helps Pie-Rat to his feet, and the pair escape in the Lightspeed Lasagna. While Pet Force pursues them in their ramshackle ship, the new criminal duo strikes the storage planet of Deli to steal their food. Pet Force manages to catch up as the villains celebrate their spoils, and use a magic blast from the systems Binky installed to short out the Lightspeed Lasagna. This enables them to dock with the ship and climb aboard for a contfrontation.

The group fights, and once again the bearer of a bullshit magic crystal subdues the heroes easily. Annoyed now, Garzooka takes hold of Starlena and prepares to kill her or something. She taps into the one thing she has left: she's not fighting just Garzooka, but Garfield in his body. She drops some heavy put-downs, which resonate with Garfield, and he hesitates long enough for her to cut the crystal off him. The crystal hits the floor and shatters, undoing its evil magics on Garzooka's mind as well as on all his teammates. With Pet Force reunited, Pie-Rat is easily subdued and locked up.

The group waits for the ship to power back up, then speed off to apologise to the planet Deli. Following that, they head back towards Vetvix's moonbase. That night, though, the magic that was making Pie-Rat 12 feet tall wears off, and he escapes from his cell. He steals the remaining shards of the crystal, climbs into the Planetary Pizza, and makes a getaway. As a bonus, he also repeats the power-down spell against the bigger ship, giving him ample time to escape. And he's not the only one. Over on the Menacing Moon of Mayhem, Vetvix also returns to her proper size, and abandons this base as well. And when Pet Force fails to find her, they simply return to their own universe, ready to be called on once again in the future~

Book 3: K-Niner: Dog of Doom!

Another very basic comic book-style cover. K-Niner is a much more typical villain in style. This one's actually a wrap-around, and features the rest of Pet Force reacting to K-Niner on the back cover. Which is good because, other than the first cover, the covers all have a heavy Garzooka focus. Which makes sense for a book series, I suppose, you wanna assure the kiddos that Garfield's gonna be in the book. But as a comic book series, this would be a bad look for a team book~

So after our standard introduction and recap, we start off with Vetvix in yet another new base, the Floating Fortress of Fear. I'm sure it's very intimidating, if she can keep hold of it for more than a single book. She's picking up from the epilogue and putting the last touches on K-Niner, mostly enhancing his intelligence. Now, you look at the cover and tell me what kind of voice you'd expect. Some sort of German or Austrian accent, like the doberman on Road Rovers? Does anyone remember Road Rovers~? Anyways, but no: he speaks with a posh British accent. You know, the "I say, good chaps, looks like we're in a bit of a sticky wicket, eh wot?" type. Trust me, you can tell. But just because he sounds refined doesn't mean he's not evil.

I also love that after the initial "trapped them in the Phantom Zone" bit, the villains just go whole ham. K-Niner here demonstrates that he is indeed evil by threatening to rip out Vetvix's throat. Let your villains be villainous is all I'm saying. She's pleased he's so vicious, but feels he needs to learn his place as well. She force-chokes him until he complies. She then gives him his assignment: she thinks dogs should be liberated. The Boy Mayor of Second Life would approve, and so does K-Niner. Turning pets on their masters is just his style.

K-Niner takes a portable evolution gun, and immediately sets off. He begins on the planet Kennel. Isn't it neat how every planet is named after an English word that describes its function? K-Niner quickly takes over the dog population and turns them against their masters, because boosting their intelligence also makes them evil, of course. They use enslavement collars on their former owners, and within a few days, the dogs now run the planet. We cut over to Emperor Jon on Polyester, where a man has crash-landed a ship. He's an escapee from Kennel, and he's here to report the events so we can get the plot moving and once more summon Pet Force!

And summoned once more they are, Garfield and Friends once more conveniently disappearing in a split second while Jon's back is turned (this time they're outside playing volleyball). And once back in the parallel universe, Emperor Jon fills them all in on K-Niner's dastardly doings. Garzooka, naturally, takes great offense to dogs being in charge, and takes his duties as a hero completely seriously for once. Pet Force takes off for a confrontation with K-Niner in the Lightspeed Lasagna. And speaking of Pet Force's ships...

The Planetary Pizza, piloted by Pie-Rat, plants its pads down on polar planet Glacia. Pie-Rat is here seeking a way to restore his magic crystal and regain his mighty magic powers. He's sought out the home of a legendary evil wizard, who's known by the name of... Barfo. I see why Barfo keeps his location a secret. But anyway, Barfo is the one who made the crystal, so naturally Pie-Rat reasons he can restore it as well. Suprisingly once on Glacia, Barfo's evil lair is pretty easy to find. His manservant, Hobart the Gnome, brings Pie-Rat before the wizard, and within moments the crystal is restored! Pie-Rat turns to thank Hobart, but Hobart suddenly turns into Vetvix!

Yes, Vetvix knew all along that Pie-Rat's quest would lead him here. And as she was once Barfo's student in the ways of evil magic, she knew she could get the old coot to go along with her plan. Barfo returns the crystal to Vetvix, restoring her powers. And so Pie-Rat, a recurring villain in three whole books, is unceremoniously done away with, as Vetvix teleports him inside an asteroid, trapping him in solid rock. Even if the asteroid were hollow or he displaced the interior when he teleported in, no doubt he'll suffocate within moments. That's pretty harsh.

With that over, we rejoin Pet Force as they approach Kennel. K-Niner's battle cruiser spots them incoming, and shoots the ship down, even in spite of Abnermal's forcefields. Pet Force bail out of the ship, and Abnermal uses his powers to make snow to cushion their fall. Upon landing, a contingent of mutant animals attack. The mooks aren't much, but K-Niner himself puts up an impressive fight. However, one of the mooks pulls a gun and points it at Compooky. This is why Compooky usually stays aboard the ship, but that wasn't an option. Rather than let their friend get hurt, Pet Force surrenders.

Pet Force is held prisoner separately from Compooky, with both the cell's technology making it freeze-proof and threats of "don't break out, or we'll shoot your compatriot". Their imprisonment is not long, though, as suddenly the power goes out. Pet Force takes advantage of the situation and make their escape, quickly running into Compooky. K-Niner didn't think the hyper-intelligent teddy bear needed a high security cell, and just locked him in the basement. It was easy for him to then break out and shut down the local power grid. This also has the side effect of turning off the control collars the humans were wearing. How convenient!

With control of the planet now tilted in their favour, Pet Force now has time to both fix their ship and reverse the polarity of the brain-boosting weapons, turning the dog population of Kennel back to their normal selves. Though the experience did change the pet owners of Kennel. Having experienced life in their pets' shoes (so to speak) for a bit, they've resolved to treat their canine companions a bit more equally. More being allowed on the furniture, less stupid tricks for treats. Still, Pet Force can't stay long, and they head off in pursuit of K-Niner's battle cruiser. This is why most superheroes don't have spaceships (Jedis don't count): if your enemy also has one, they can flee way more easily than on foot.

Not willing to let another place go to the dogs, as it were, Pet Force catches up with K-Niner. With his previous success, Vetvix has stepped up the timetable and sent him after Polyester right away. Emperor Jon is in danger! They enter the planet's atmosphere, and are attacked by fighter craft. They fend them off, but their weapons system is damaged in the fight, so they can't simply use the reverse brain-rays and solve it quickly. The team splits up instead: Garzooka and Abnermal will go after K-Niner, while the other three will find the planet's power source and knock out the collars, since that worked so well the last time.

The two heroes quickly make short work of K-Niner's guards, and then turn the battle to deal with the Dog of Doom himself. While the struggle goes on, the rest of Pet Force reach the planet's power grid. Using a clever tactic, Compooky overloads the power and causes and electrical storm that simultaneously undoes the brain-boosting effect and shorts out the enslavement collars. There's only a few pages left, after all, and we have to wrap this up. K-Niner is reverted back into an ordinary dog, and the emperor is reverted to an ordinary non-enslaved person. The day is saved!

And now once again, Pet Force prepares to return to their own universe. However... when the spell clears, the five heroes are still standing there. Something is blocking the passage between dimensions, and Pet Force is trapped. And while Pet Force's adventures have taken place between mere moments in their own universe, they have always returned quickly enough that Jon didn't notice a thing. But this time, as Jon retrieves the volleyball and turns around to his pets, he's surprised to find they've all vanished into thin air...

Book 4: Menace of the Mutanator

This one's very striking because of its more painted look compared to the heavy black outlines the rest of the covers have. Does this one count as having the whole team on the cover? Because, spoilers, that's what the Mutanator is: the rest of Pet Force mashed up into a villain. Again, though, that's definitely a striking image that'd draw in readers to a comic cover. In fact, while Garzooka may be over-used as a cover focus, several of these also show him imperiled in some way, and that's nice for character stuff. That helps balace it a bit~

I wanna say, before we start, that I'm impressed by the continuity for the series as a whole. They could've just written each story as a standalone, but for a series of 100-page children's novellas starring Garfield characters as superheroes, things happen in these books. Like, maybe not sweeping status quo changes, but events affect the plot of each next book down the line. And that's where we pick up! Right where the last book left off, with Pet Force now stuck in the alternate universe, unable to return home to Jon. But if they can't go home to Jon, well, maybe then events will conspire to bring Jon to them~

Yep, because Jon happens to wander into the room where they keep the copy of Pet Force #100 that acts as a portal to their universe, he gets transported into the Pet Force universe. And since Emperor Jon is still an extant entity, there's just two Jons now. Jon, of course, is a bit freaked out, and it takes several pages to explain the whole deal to him, and also have a showcase of all their powers to pad out the book some more. Eventually, they decide to call in Sorceror Binky to examine the problem. When he has a go of it, a sudden tornado emerges from the cauldron and whisks away Pet Force--save for Garzooka, whose prodigious strength keeps him anchored.

Garzooka heads out in the Lightspeed Lasagna to track Pet Force's signature, glad to get away from a double trouble Jon. And while he's searching, the scene cuts to Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear. Hey, one of her bases actually lasted more than one book! This is where Pet Force has been transported to, once more in a power-proof cell. Vetvix monologues to the heroes, as she is wont to do, explaining that she's the one who cast the spell to keep them from returning home. And further, she's brought them here to mutate them into her servants.

While Emperor Jon exposits about his backstory (turns out he is not of royal blood, and has about as much legitimate claim to the throne as you or I do), the search continues. Sorceror Binky detects Pet Force, giving them all a view of what happens next. The trapped members of Pet Force are literally broken apart and reassembled: Odious' body, Compooky's brain inserted into the chest, Abnermal's hands, and Starlena's head. She christens this beast "Mutanator", and it is soullessly obedient. I also wanna say, Mutanator's kind of a non-binary icon, aren't they? (The comic uses "it", but it was 1998 and alternative pronouns weren't really a thing yet.) Muscular, masculine body, but confident enough to still wear lipstick. It's a look, is all I'm saying~

Mutanator continues to possess the combined powers of Pet Force as well. Vetvix sends them to attack the planet Armory to gear up before attempting to conquer Polyester. And meanwhile, thanks to the convenience of being able to scan all of Compooky's memories now that his brain is part of Mutanator, Vetvix has the perfect trap to spring on Garzooka--or should she say Garfield. Yes, she really knows the whole origin for Pet Force now, and now she knows all Garfield's weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and probably blood type and other dating profile stats~

Thus, when Garzooka receives the coordinates from Emperor Jon and arrives at the Floating Fortress, he finds himself menaced by giant spiders. Vetvix couldn't think of a way to get Mondays to attack him, so the Giant Spider Invasion will do. Spiders are apparently very formiddable foes, Garzooka's personal fears aside. They can swat gamma hairballs out of the air, they can construct webs as quickly as certain Marvel heroes, and their hairy exoskeletons are resistant to both claw and strength. But despite his fear and Abnermal's running commentary, Garzooka manages to trounce the spiders with a carefully applied flame--taking Vetvix's blueprints with them.

Garzooka heads out once again to track down the Mutanator, leaving his less-than-all-together friends in the safety of their forcefield prison. While he's off, we return to the perspective of his target. Using their combined powers, the Mutanator swiftly conquers the planet Armory and sets their sights on Polyester next. It's not a bad plan, honestly. With the stockpile from Armory, not only will the Mutanator be more powerful, Polyester won't be able to use the planet for backup. Fortunately for the two Jons, though, Garzooka intercepts the Mutanator before they can leave Armory.

The fight's actually pretty good. Very back and forth. But even despite Garzooka's great strength, the Mutanator wins in the end. Thankfully, Vetvix puts her conquest of Polyester on hold to take the time to retrieve Garzooka and add his power to the Mutanator. This, of course will be her undoing--in a completely ridiculous way, of course. For back in the palace, our universe's Jon is watching Pet Force's struggles with the scrying cauldron. And he leans in a bit too close. Sowhile Vetvix is prepping the machine to divide Garzooka's body like she did the rest of Pet Force, Jon suddenly tumbles through the dimensional warp caused by the cauldron and lands on Vetvix, which causes her to put the machine in reverse. A real Jonnus ex cauldrona there, eh?

The Mutanator disappears, their existance as a unique being wiped out as their pieces return to their proper Pet Force owners. With Pet Force reassembled, Garzooka takes out Vetvix with one of his gamma-radiated hairballs while she's distracted by Jon. Pet Force decides that the vile veternarian should have a taste of her own medicine, and stick her in the body-splicing machine with some of her guards. This divides them all up and mixes them into bizarre combinations. It also has the side effect of disabling Vetvix's magic, so they can return to their own universe now.

The book wraps up here. Pet Force first returns to Armory to both return the stolen weapons and also make repairs on the buildings that were damaged in Garzooka's fight with the Mutanator. That's the sort of thing I'd like to see in more superhero stories in general. The two Jons part ways, with the Emperor believing the other Jon's heroism to have been deliberate. And thus are Garfield and friends returned home. And just like the end of their first adventure, where Garfield couldn't be sure if it really happened, so too is Jon's memory fading. Had he really witnessed all that? Only his pets know for sure--and in this universe, they can't talk~

Book 5: Attack of the Lethal Lizards

This one's another wrap-around, showing the rest of Pet Force engaging the remaining Lethal Lizards on the back cover. This is one advantage books have over comics: a front and back cover you can use for your story-telling. The Lizard designs are pretty good for a villain group too. Like Pet Force, they don't adhere to a particular theme, but they do look good individually. Garzooka roasting a hot dog on a stick might be a bit too comedic for a superhero story, though. It sets the tone wrong. How "lethal" can they possibly be if Garzooka is out here roasting hot dogs in the middle of battle?

So here we go, last book. After the usual recap, we open with Jon explaining to Garfield and friends his latest plans: they're going to WackyWorld, a theme park dedicated to Jon's favourite cartoon, The Wackies. Both Garfield and Nermal think the show is lame, and if those two agree on something, you know it must be so. In less lame universes, however, trouble is once more a-brewing. So it turns out Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear has been orbiting the swamp planet Reptilius this whole time. And her various experiments in the last two books have been radiating the planet in magical energy...

From that magical power, three reptiles find themselves uplifted in intelligence and granted fantastic powers. Please say hello to our three main villains for this book: Snake, an enormous snake (the only one without an anthro design) with stretching powers; Chameleon, who can shapeshift; and Dragon, a komodo dragon with fire breath and the bad attitude to match. While Snake and Chameleon figure out their powers, Dragon declares himself the leader as he's clearly the smartest, strongest, and most powerful. They name themselves the Lethal Lizards and start plotting how to rule the planet.

After that exciting intro, though, the book kind of slows down. First we get a whole chapter of Emperor Jon also deciding to go on vacation, to planet Funlandia. With Vetvix out of commission for a while, there's no better time. In short, he's out of the castle and Sorceror Binky is in charge. This is followed by a chapter of Jon and his pets at WackyWorld. It's certainly an accommodating amusement park to allow pets on its grounds. Garfield at least gets along with the food, but if you know anything about amusement park food prices, the amount Garfield eats will make your wallet weep. Jon takes his mind off it by dragging the pets along to a ride. Surely they have to be under the height restriction~

Fortunately, we get back to the actual stars of this book, and we see a bit more of their dynamic. Snake is the sort who sucks up to whoever's calling themselves "Boss" at the moment. Dragon is power-hungry, and it's clear he'll sell out his allies at the drop of a hat. Chameleon is Starscream. Anyway, they trek through the jungles of Reptilius until they find a downed spaceship. Reviewing the logs reveals it was a scout ship from Vetvix, and they also learn of Vetvix and her mission. However, they don't know where Emperor Jon lives, so they crowd into the the newly christened Rapacious Reptile and set course for the stars.

The first planet they come across is a world called Klod. Quickly the Lethal Lizards beat up the populace and find the local government. Chameleon shapeshifts into a dignitary, pretending to be an advance entourage for Emperor Jon, schmoozing with the governor until he learns both what Jon looks like and the name of his planet. With this information secure, Chameleon nips out suddenly, and the trio sets forth towards Polyester. Governer Klutz calls up the palace as soon as the reptiles depart, and reports the incident to Sorceror Binky.

Binky wastes no time, and he dials up Pet Force. Since all five are in one place, he's able to pull them through even without them being near the gateway through issue #100's cover. Convenient! Pet Force, however, does waste time, as a lengthy comedy scene eats up several pages before we just get on with it. Eventually, the situation is conveyed, and they figure it's safer to keep Emperor Jon on Funlandia for the time being. Compooky stays behind to help plan some strategies, while the rest of Pet Force boards the Lightspeed Lasagna to intercept the Lethal Lizards before they even arrive.

Pet Force spends the next few minutes both scanning for incoming ships and bickering with each other, so I'm very glad when the Rapacious Reptile appears on their detectors before too long. Dragon threatens the ship, telling them to move or he'll knock them aside. It's a spaceship, dude, you can move in three dimensions. The ships trade shots, and while Chameleon's piloting is actually pretty good due to his independently-rotating eyeballs, eventually both ships crash land on whatever planet is nearby.

Both ships crash right next to each other, which is improbable but less ridiculous than some of the contrivances in these books, so I'm okay with it. Now you'd think what with the enemies being reptiles and Abnermal having freezing powers that this battle would be over really easily, but no. In fact, Garzooka and Dragon are pretty evenly matched. Snake turns out to be immune to Starlena's siren song because snakes don't have external ears. See, now there's a contrivance I find a bit weird. Snake swallows Abnermal whole, and Chameleon and Odious get literally tongue-tied. The Lethal Lizards actually live up to their name pretty well.

As the fight continues, half of both sides are laid out when Compooky comes rushing up, saying he has an urgent message from the emperor. And that's when he sucker-punches the team. It was actually Chameleon in disguise, having gotten knocked away when he and Odious separated. So yeah, round one goes to the Lizards, and they make their escape first. Pet Force regroups, and they give chase. The Lizards have enough head start to really lay siege to Polyester before Pet Force arrives, though. They even get access to the palace using Chameleon's shapeshifting, leading to Sorceror Binky letting slip the real location of the emperor just as Pet Force arrives.

Another fight ensues--see, now it's really a superhero story--and the Lizards leave again 2 and 0. This time Snake uses his venomous fangs to attack Starlena. This leads to the weirdest contrivance yet. Maybe not the worst, but definitely the weirdest. They have only minutes to save Starlena. So how do they do it? Well, they notice that Odious drools quite a lot. It's very "fluid output". So they have Binky magically reverse Odious' drooling, so that he has "fluid input" on his tongue instead. It becomes a big suction sponge and sucks the poison out of Starlena. They then restore the drooling, and he just harmlessly drools out the poison. What.

With their teammate saved, Pet Force pursues the Lethal Lizards to Funlandia. They get there just in time to rescue Emperor Jon from their clutches, with Garzooka and Odious combining their strength to literally rip a kiddie ride out of the ground. Starlena corners Chameleon in a hall of mirrors, turning his own trick against him. Snake is undone by Odious' strength. And Garzooka fights Dragon to a standstill, finally trapping all three on a roller coaster still operating. When the ride comes to an end, Abnermal freezes them all until the authorities can retrieve them.

Naturally, Emperor Jon thinks it's all part of the show (because Jon is dimwitted in any universe). The Lizards are sent to a lizard-proof prison (seriously, it specifies this), and Pet Force returns to their own universe. As usual, Jon didn't notice his pets go missing during the dark amusement park ride. The book concludes on an ominous note, however, as the ship carrying the Lethal Lizards makes its jump to lightspeed just as it passes the Floating Fortress of Fear. The shockwave knocks over some debris that reactivates the combining machine, restoring Vetvix to her full evil might once more!

The end!

No, really. Those five books are all there was. I hear it may have continued into the comics, but I don’t know how accurate that is. I didn’t really look into it.

But boy, what a ride, huh? Let’s dissect the books one at a time, since it only seems fair to take them as individual stories.

The Outrageous Origin: It’s a fairly basic origin story, I’d say. It kind of has to be. I guess my main gripe is that, like Rita Repulsa’s entire run on Power Rangers, the heroes never fight the main villain directly. In fact, there’s barely even an evil plot in this one. You have henchmen and some traps, and that’s about it for the menace.

Pie-Rat’s Revenge: A cautionary tale about why you treat your minions with respect. This one’s pretty good, but the events depicted on the cover make up such a small part of the book. Wouldn’t it have been more fun if Garzooka was turned at the beginning of the story? Book 4 would at least do the reverse of that, so it’s not a major complaint~

K-Niner, Dog of Doom: I think this one’s about as middle of the road as you can get. What a coincidence that it’s also the middle of the series! Like I said in the recap portion, it’s a shame that Pie-Rat’s story ended here. This one definitely feels more “villain of the week” than most.

Menace of the Mutanator: This one might be the best book in the series. Garzooka, alone, battling against the best parts of his team? That’s gripping stuff. I guess the main problem is that the Mutanator isn’t really a character in and of themselves. Like, K-Niner, he may have been a generic rent-a-villain type, but he had a personality. Mutanator is little more than an extention of Vetvix’s will.

Attack of the Lethal Lizards: I’m a bit split on this one. The bits with the titular Lizards are great. They steal the show! But the parts where it focuses on either Jon kind of drag, and Pet Force is a bit too jokey here. Like, I get the point is that they’ve relaxed into their roles now, and there’s not much point of doing it as a Garfield story if they don’t actually use the character personalities, but... I dunno. It’s good, but it could have been better~

And that’s it! Like, I dunno how to wrap this up. Pet Force was neither my first exposure to superheroes nor my first introduction to the Garfield brand (you can thank Saturday morning cartoons for both of those). But for some reason, maybe just the absurdly goofy premise, it always kinda stuck with me. And I think that’s a good enough reason to make it my 10th anniversary review, don’t you~?

#books #reviews #Garfield #Pet Force #Garfield's Pet Force #Taiblog

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fae-fucker · 3 years

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Zenith: Chapter 76-79

Chapter 76

Andi has a nice little poetic nightmare. It’s irrelevant. The next morning has the girls preparing for the ball, complete with dresses and makeup.

Some things to note include Lira saying that in Adhiran religion (which is global, I guess), one has to mourn for three days before “letting” the souls of the dead pass on into ... everything.

Andi tries to say that it’ll take time to heal from it all, but Lira is having none of it.

“It will take time to move past what happened on Adhira,” Andi started, but Lira held up a hand.

“My three days of mourning have passed. Lon’s and my aunt’s, too. Now we, and the others who lost loved ones during the attack, must give the lost spirits to the stars, to the trees, to the wind.”

Which basically means that she’s done feeling bad about the unexpected and brutal attack on her home planet, so that’s convenient. Well, if one of our main characters doesn’t care about her people getting senselessly murdered, then why should we?

She also lets us know that her aunt has fixed up the Marauder and brought it here, because of course. Lira wants to arrange for Lon to be transferred to the Marauder, and though she has a logical reason for it (taking him home personally), it’s only a setup so we know why he’s on there at the end of the book when Andi’s bleeding out and needs a universal donor.

Spoilers, I guess.

Andi’s mother, Glorya, intercepts Andi as she tries to leave her crew to their makeover montages, just so we can move into a scene where her mom is brushing her hair and babbling on about gossip and vapid high society stuff.

But Andi, of course, gets lost in a flashback that’s so amateurishly written it’s honestly embarrassing and only highlights Shinsay’s helpless reliance on flashbacks as a storytelling device.

Observe:

Her words faded away as memories took their place. Andi lost herself to them.

The whole flashback is written in italics for some inexplicable reason, even though it would’ve been fine as just regular text since we’re clearly told what’s happening now and what’s a memory.

Also, there’s one bit where the memory “fast-forwards” to a different one. Shinsay, this isn’t a fucking movie. This isn’t a screenplay. What the fuck are you DOING.

The flashback and the mother’s inane babbling are all there to illustrate how vapid and brainless Glorya is and how she only ever cared about her status and not about her kid. Glorya pretends that everything is back to the way it was but Andi curses her out for abandoning her when she needed them most and how “the way it was” was actually always shit.

I mean it’s fine. It’s all right. I see what they’re going for, it’s melodramatic as all fuck but it works for what they’re trying to do? I can see this as being a realistic way for an emotionally neglectful family to look like. I wish it was more nuanced and wasn’t just shoe-horned in here (Glorya doesn’t show up before or after this bit, this is the only time she’s ever present or even mentioned in this book in any meaningful capacity) for the sake of making Andi’s friends look better and for her to not have anything that anchors her to Arcardius, but like, I won’t say this isn’t realistic.

And then Shinsay can’t stop themselves and it’s back to silly time:

“Really, Androma...”

[...]

“That is not my name,” Andi whispered. She allowed the darkness to come up into her voice, the mask of shadow and steel to sweep across her face. “My name is the Bloody Baroness. And if you or Commander Racella ever so much as utter a single word toward me or my crew again, I will personally strip the skin from your body and wave it like a flag from my starship.”

Glorya let out a soft squeak. Andi snarled with all of her teeth.

Guys I can’t breathe this is too fucking funny. And not in a good “woo vindication!” sort of way, but in a “they really put this right after an emotional confrontation about parental emotional neglect/abuse huh?” way. They really thought this was ... badass? Revenge? Andi, sweetie, you’re, like, traumatized? Presumably? I can’t really tell. But maybe get some therapy?

Do Shinsay think this is somehow a win and that Andi’s threat means she’s fully released from the hurt and pain her parents have caused her through their neglect? It’s honestly written as if Andi just confronted her mother and her own hopes of coming back to her family in this one short scene, and then upon realizing her parents never loved her, she scares her mom a little and then is all smug and satisfied at the end.

That ain’t how it works, darlings.

Then the annoying Marketable Space Pet runs in and starts biting Glorya’s toes and she runs away shrieking like a defeated Disney villain.

Way to undercut your own drama, Shinsay.

The chapter ends with Andi thinking about how her crew is her True Family for the bajillionth time. Because we’re all idiots and Shinsay wants us to remember that.

Chapter 77

It’s the evening of the ball and Andi thinks about how she missed Bavista, which is apparently your generic coming-of-age ball held at Arcardius for every 16-year-old. I’m guessing it’s a yearly thing? The book never clarifies. Not sure why the fuck it’s here tbh.

Actually, it’s a pretty good demonstration of how the worldbuilding in this book is presented so here, have at thee:

She could still remember seeing the otherworldly dresses and suits float by her on the feeds as she watched the girls and boys glide into the A’Vianna House in the Glass Sector. They seemed light as air, full of pride, bursting at the seams with excitement. Once inside, they would be greeted by members of the Priest Guild, who would award each young person three items.

The first was a vial of water from the Northern Ocean, symbolizing strength. For growth, they accepted a single leaf from the oldest tree on Arcardius, known as The Mother, which was said to have been planted when the Ancients first arrived. Lastly, they were given a single floating pebble, no larger than a child’s fingernail, chiseled from the very gravarock where the Cortas estate was. It represented the wisdom of rising above.

Is this relevant to anything? Does this help you understand this world or its inhabitants? Does it tell you anything of the culture of Arcardius or its youth and what’s expected of them? No? It’s just a really generic list of things thrown together using Mystical Proper Nouns as glue? Weeell heeell.

Also what does “it represented the wisdom of rising above” mean? This is utterly generic and means fuck-all, that’s what.

Anyway, Andi’s admiring herself in the mirror. Her dress is very sexy, trust me, I can’t be bothered to include it so just imagine your favorite My Immortal outfit description. It does include sword holsters at the back, which are Andi’s favorite part, because she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. She never actually uses them or brings the swords to the ball so ... Idk what the point of this was.

We also get some shit about how Andi actually LOVES dresses and being pretty but she never admitted it to anyone. But don’t you worry, this badass space criminal LOVES all things girly, because that’s feminism! Can someone check in on Shinsay? I’m not sure they’re getting enough air with their heads so far up Sarah J Maas’ asshole.

Admitting to herself that she looked pretty was something Andi kept private. She didn’t want to give her crew the satisfaction of knowing her true thoughts about fashion. How even though she was a fierce, hardened criminal, she could still appreciate the joy of a beautiful, impractical ball gown.

Huh. And here I thought they were your family. That’s weird that you’d keep this information from them, especially considering all of them seemed pretty excited to be prettied up in the last chapter. I guess they’d really just haaate the idea of sharing this joy with their captain, huh? Why aren’t you admitting this to them, Andi?

You’re saying shit about how “even though” you’re a hardened criminal, you can “still” appreciate beautiful gowns, like those two are somehow contradictory. Are you, mayhaps, ashamed of having this traditionally girly interest? Hmm! Interesting. Why could that be, I wonder? Why would having traditionally feminine interests or even caring about one’s appearance be seen as something inherently shameful or embarrassing, as inherently contradictory to being fierce and “hardened?”

This is all just so *clenches fist* feminist.

Forreal though, somehow Shinsay managed to take their entire made up GALAXY and make it subtly and not-so-subtly sexist. Good job, morons. Really girlbossed that one, huh?

The only bit I like about this whole mess is this:

The dressmaker had also accented her gown with a sparkling necklace full of jewels that Andi didn’t plan on giving back.

This is the one and only space pirate-y thing Andi does -- sorry, considers doing -- in the whole book and honestly could’ve been used to build her character more, but it’s just a one-off joke here. Wasted.

Valen comes to fetch her and we get some subtle foreshadowing.

“Valen the Resurrected.”

He stopped to look at her, brows raised. “What?”

She shrugged. “It’s what the press is calling you in all the feeds.” Valen let out a deep chuckle.

[...]

“Something tells me things are about to change for the better,” he said. “I’m ready to see it all happen.”

Andi wondered what he would do now that he was home with a whole planet at his disposal.

He deserved to have some fun.

Is it bad that I’m rooting for Valen to destroy everything? And this isn’t my villain-fucker coming out, I just want this poor bastard to absolutely annihilate Andi and her gang of acolytes.

Chapter 78

Andi and Valen arrive at the ball. It’s all very pretty and space-y and aesthetic. There’s a bunch of aliens everywhere. Andi sees a woman with funky eyes and assumes it’s a body mod, because I guess she knows the genetic characteristics of every species by heart and can tell when something is real or not.

An old classmate of theirs comes up to talk to Valen and congratulate him on being alive, then Andi reminds him of who she is just to be a smug asshole and the guy fucks off in a panic. She’s just so cool and badass, you guys.

Then it’s time for Valen and Andi to dance, and of course General Cortas looks like he’s about to lose his marbles because these darn kids! >:(

The chapter ends on Andi noticing Dex pouting in the distance.

“Relax,” Andi whispered. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”

She flashed him a wicked grin as the music began.

And as Valen spun her into the first move of the dance, Andi saw Dex standing on the fringes of the crowd, an expression of longing clear on his face.

Chapter 79

This chapter is exactly 298 words of Dex moping around about how he’s actually not over Andi at all when he thought he’d done such a good job of repressing his feelings, and how he should be the one dancing with Andi instead of Valen. If you’re surprised, you’re clinically dead.

#eff reads: zenith

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gelfbog · 4 years

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headcanons for the gelfling clans accents !!

As someone who is really interested in languages and linguistics, one thing I always wish AOR did was give all the clans different accents. So, I decided I would do it myself! I’ve basically been researching different (mainland) UK accents and I’ve put an accent to each clan. This is based a lot on my own headcanons, but I’ve taken into account different information we’ve gotten about gelfling accents and languages, as well as the geographical placing of the clan’s settlements, and their clans status and culture. I’ve linked videos with each clan to give you an auditory idea of what I think they would sound like. All under the cut!!

(!! disclaimer !! : I am Irish, not from the UK, so I’m sorry if my description of/videos I have chosen to display any of the accents are inaccurate. I’ve tried my best not to generalize with the accents too much, but I know that a lot of accents change from town to town, so unfortunately I have given just a broad umbrella description of some accents. I’m sorry if I get anything wrong!!!)

Vapra - Queen’s English/Received Pronunciation

I think the Vapra are the only clan to have been canonically distinguished as having a particular accent, but maybe I’m wrong. It’s mentioned a lot in the books about how the Vapra have a very distinct accent, SkekSa even noticing Tae speaking with one, when she was taken over by Tavra. Their accent is “distinct and noticeable” according to the Songs of the Seven Gelfling Clans, and is similar to the Skeksis accent. I think that maybe the normal gelfling of Ha’rar speak with a type of Received Pronunciation, whereas the aristocrats, and the Royal family themselves, would speak Queen’s English. It would make sense that the Vapra would speak in Received Pronunciation, an accent associated with privilege and education, as they are known for.....well, privilege and education. Each word is articulated very clearly, and it is a sharp, almost cold accent - which suits their climate nicely. It is often thought as the “proper” way to speak, and those gelfling who speak with this accent automatically present themselves as a higher class, although other clans may just associate the accent with snobby-ness. Naturally, the Vapra coming from the capital city of Ha’rar, the seat of the All- Maudra, I think Queen’s English is very fitting.

Here are some videos of people speaking Queen’s English/Received Pronunciation!

Old RP

Received Pronunciation (RP)

R.P. ACCENT (REAL EXAMPLE)

Received Pronunciation Dialect Breakdown

Upper-class Accent Examples

Stonewood - Brummy (Birmingham Accent)

I was between Cockney and Brummy for the Stonewood, as I think both accents suit the wood-dwelling clan. However, I think Brummie is better suited, as Birmingham is is situated in the central midlands of England - like how Stone-in-the-wood is “the hearth of the Skarith Land”. The Brummy accent is quite nasally, due to the amount of industry that used to be in the city. Industry is something the Stonewood are known for, with their weapons, tools and instruments their blacksmiths create being well-renowned and sought after across Thra. The accent is sort-of a mix of a southern and northern English accent, which I think this suits the Stonewood well, in terms of their clan status. As much as they are a rough, warrior and battle focused clan, they are of a very high standing, second to only the Vapra. Therefore, the mix comes from Vapra/Skeksis influence, and then their own woodland charm. Although other clans may see the Stonewood accent as brash and arrogant, the warrior clan is proud of their dialect, and don’t try to hide it!

Here are some videos of people speaking with a Brummy accent!

A Brummie Accent

Birmingham "Brummie" Accent (Female) AccentBase File #41

NO F*CKING FIGHTING - Peaky Blinders S03E01

Alison Hammond's Funniest Moments | This Morning

Birmingham: Reputation vs Reality Part 1 @ 2:50 - 5:44

Spriton - Yorkshire Accent (South, West and East)

I have a good bit to back up my headcanon here. The Spriton are a widespread clan, about 1/3 of them living outside of Sami Thicket, some families living over a days journey from the main village. For this reason, I think the different Yorkshire accents suit them very well. Since the Spriton live all over the Spriton Plains, some nearer to Stone-in-the-Wood, some nearer to the Swamp of Sog, and some even living at the edge of the Dark Wood (rip kylans parents), it would make sense that they all have variations of a similar accent. I imagine that it can be hard for other clans to tell each of the different Spriton dialects apart, but the Spriton themselves can hear a clear difference in the voice between someone who was born in Sami Thicket, and someone who was born on the outskirts of the plains. You can see, as we move further south down the Skarith Land, the presence of the posh Ha’rar accent, is slipping away, with different vowels sounds and timbre, even different grammar. The Yorkshire accent often omits words and letters to make speaking faster, which is a practical way of speaking for the busy farmers and soldiers of the Spriton Plains.

Here are some videos of people speaking with Yorkshire accents!

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOOuqHMY-_tXV8t9mcQt4PtF8S3s577NI

School Of British Accents – YORKSHIRE

interview with millen eve - true yorkshire accent!

South : Louis Tomlinson Gets Quizzed On Yorkshire Slang

West : Zayn Malik Sounds Off on Fashion, Fame, and the Meaning Behind His Home Studio | Vogue

East : Best of Jenny and Lee on Gogglebox

Drenchen - Edinburgh Accent

Now, this is a headcanon I will fight for. I will eternally feel that we were ROBBED of the Drenchen having a Scottish accent. I was deciding which Scottish accent would suit them best, and I finally landed on an Edinburgh accent. As much as I think that my favourite swamp dwellers would have a strong accent, I don’t think it’s overly realistic. While they are isolated from the other clans, which would naturally cause them to speak differently to them, I don’t think they are isolated enough to have a drastically contrasting accent. Therefore, I thought that the Edinburgh accent, said to be softer and less intense than other Scottish dialects, would be perfect. They still have a similar tone to the rest of the clans, but their soggy lilt is unique, and is still noticeably different of a timbre to the other clans of the Skarith Land. I also presume that their gills would have some sort of influence on their intonation, another reason I chose the Edinburgh accent, which comes almost from the back of the throat - closer to the gills!

Here are some videos of people speaking with an Edinburgh accent!

Outlander | The Many Scottish Accents | STARZ @ 1:25 - 2:05

Shirley Manson's Guide To Swearing

Sean Connery 1971: The BBC Interview HD

12 Times Professor McGonagall Was a Boss Ass Witch

Ewan McGregor on being recognised as Obi-Wan | The Graham Norton Show - BBC

Sifa - West Country

I think this is a pretty obvious accent to assign to the Sifa, as it’s the origin of the traditional “pirate” accent. They have a distinctive way to say their “r”s , and it can sometimes be a harsh sounding accent, suiting the sometimes dangerous lifestyle of the rogue clan. However, the rounded vowels and somewhat cozy feeling you get from the intonation of the West Country accent, shows the mythical and peaceful side of the Sifa. I headcanon that it’s uncommon for a gelfling to have a truly Sifan accent, due to the influence of other gelflings with other dialects that join the Sifa, therefore with most Sifa ending up with an amalgamation of gelfling accents. However, with families that have sailed with the Sifa for generations, the accent is still very much alive. For those gelfling who run away to the Silver Sea for a while, they always return home with a subtle sea-faring twang.

Here are some videos of people speaking with a West Country accent!

Learn Hagrid's British Accent (HARRY POTTER) | West Country Accent

Learn how to do the West Country accent - Sound like Hagrid from Harry Potter.

Harry Potter - Best of Hagrid

School Of British Accents – WEST COUNTRY

LOTR The Two Towers - The Tales That Really Mattered...

Dousan - Lancastrian English

It took me a while to decide which accent would be best for the Dousan. I wanted an accent that didn’t draw out many sounds, and was spoken quickly, as the Dousan try to preserve as much moisture in the desert air as they can. After looking through hours of footage of different English dialect videos, I decided on the Lancastrian accent. They have shorter vowels than other dialects, and also shorten a lot of words to make them quicker to say. I thought this was perfect for the Dousan, a clan which avoids speaking for long, if they can. It is quite a unique accent, especially in terms of grammar, which makes sense, as the Dousan rarely socialize with other clans, meaning they would not pick up other slang or pronunciation. The Dousan use the Language of Silence, a type of sign language, which is sometimes used in unison with audible speaking. I thought that the unique Lancastrian grammar went well with this, as in The Songs of the Seven Gelfling Clans, it says that “more was being communicated when both hands and tongues worked together”. Perhaps the reason the Dousan grammar is created to be much shorter and quicker to say, is because the Language of Silence allows the Dousan to communicate in full, meaning there is no need to speak with long sentences? Either way, I think the accent is a perfect fit for the nomadic clan.

Here are some links and videos of people speaking with a Lancastrian Accent!

Lancastrian English: Dialectable Episode 4.

Listen to accent of Lancashire England

Lancashire Dialect Poem - Northern English Accent

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOOuqHMY-_tVnuxrODGw0BEdZlC9RNHcw

https://www.mykp.co.uk/learn-lancastrian-accent/ (this breaks down what I mean about the shorter grammar)

Grottan - South Wales Accent

Deet’s tendency to sing often made me think that the South Wales accent would be perfect. It is a naturally sing-songy type of accent, with a musical intonation. This is because the South Welsh accent is heavily influenced by the Welsh Language. I thought that because the Grottan have been isolated from other Gelfling, and rarely go “topside”, they would have very little impact on their dialect from the Skeksis, something their sister clan, the Vapra, have been hugely influenced by. This led me to think that perhaps the Grottan accent would have a lot more in common with the old-gelfling language, giving it that sing-songy and particular lilt. Like the Dousan, the Grottan have their own language, Finger-talk, which is incredibly difficult to learn for non-Grottan gelfling. Maybe the reason it is so difficult, is because of, again, the influence of old-gelfling, something the other clans have slightly lost a connection to. But perhaps, the Grottan accent may also play a part in why it is so difficult for daylighters to learn this peculiar language. As the accent has such musical intonation, with lots of high and low sounds in it’s speaking, perhaps finger-talk is based more on these high and low sounds, and less on the actual words themselves, which is why Grottan find it so easy to learn, as these high and lows are built into their accent regardless. Nevertheless, the South Wales accent is one of my favourites, and it perfectly fits the peaceful and secluded Grottan.

Here are some videos of people speaking with a South Wales accent!

Newport (Casnewydd), Gwent, South Wales, Welsh Accent (Female) Accentbase File #144

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6x7uaw

School Of British Accents – WELSH ENGLISH

Elis James Bad B&B Experience | Alan Davies As Yet Untitled | Dave

https://www.thevoicecafe.net/learn-Welsh-accent-online.htm

And that’s all! I was really surprised by the amount of people that were interested in me making this post, so I hope I haven’t disappointed anyone! I’d love to know what you guys headcanon the gelfling clans to sound like, and whether you think my headcanons or accurate or not. Again, I’m sorry if I got anything wrong about the accents, or generalized too much. I’m linking a few more videos which go through all of these accents, with more examples of people speaking with them, all well as some linguistics background to the dialects. I’ve also linked the Survey of English Dialects, where you can find lots of clips of all these different accents I have mentioned. Thank you so much for reading all of this, I really appreciate it!!

Survey of English Dialects - Accents and dialects

20 British Accents in 1 Video

One Woman, 17 British Accents - Anglophenia Ep 5

48 notes · View notes

carewyncromwell · 4 years

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Hey guys! POTC AU update time at last! Very sorry for the delay, but s*** is really going down now in this story...

One of my biggest criticisms for the climax of At World’s End is how, ultimately, both the Navy’s armada and all of the diverse pirates gathered together as part of the Brethren Court are ultimately pointless. We get our huge confrontation between the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl, which ends with both ships blowing up Beckett’s flagship...and then the Navy just hightails it away with their tails between their legs, even if they still outmatch the pirates and there would surely be a chain of command under Beckett that could take over. There isn’t even anything to show that the Navy lost their nerve after losing their “great leader” or anything or were reluctant to fight to begin with. And again, that ends up making the non-main-character pirates that we only just met in At World’s End, like the Pirate Lords, completely unnecessary to the narrative aside from giving up their Pieces of Eight, which easily could’ve been rewritten to not include the Pirate Lords. This is why I’m restructuring this climax so that all of the Lords (and the Keeper of the Code) have a role in the coming battle, rather than just having them stand on the sidelines.

Black powder is a much messier, more combustible precursor to modern gunpowder, which has a very strong odor and produces a lot of smoke when it explodes. It’s better used for things like fireworks and rockets than firearms, particularly since it’s even more vulnerable to moisture than regular gunpowder is. Black powder was first developed in China circa the 9th century, before its use in firearms was phased out in favor of the cleaner, safer gunpowder we know today.

Although the traditional “Redcoat” was developed as a uniform for British soldiers in the mid-1600s, the British Navy actually didn’t have official uniforms for its sailors until 1748. Before that point, only naval officers generally wore uniforms. My guess about why the Pirates films don’t follow this model and have even the lower-rank British Naval soldiers wear uniforms in AWE is for the sake of visual short-hand for the audience and to further accent the divide between the uniformity of the law-keepers (the army and Navy) VS the diversity of the law-breakers (the pirates).

Previous part is here, and whole tag is here! Jules Farrier-Weasley belongs to @cursebreakerfarrier, Samantha O’Connell belongs to @samshogwarts, Ellie Hopper belongs to @that-ravenpuff-witch, Arjun Singh and Aishwarya Mehra belong to @hogwarts9, and Finn McGarry/Davy Jones belongs to @theguythatdraws! Also briefly referenced is Gwendolyn “Wendy” Gordon, who belongs to @drinkyoursoupbitch. xoxo

x~x~x~x

When Jules, Jacob, and Orion returned, they immediately convened a war council with the other Pirate Lords and their crews in the Hall of the Codex. There was a lot of strategizing that needed to be done before the battle the following day -- and as to be expected, Murphy McNully was instrumental in pinpointing what they needed.

“According to the Admiral’s intelligence, there are 34 Man O’ Wars out there waiting for us. We ourselves have a fleet of 73 galleons, brigs, schooners, sloops, and ketches. Now, naturally, that sounds like a lot, but keep in mind that each of the Navy’s Man O’ Wars has anywhere between 50 to 100 guns on each ship...meaning they have between 1700 and 3400 guns altogether. Even if we technically could have more guns numerically, there’s a 97.9% chance that our ships wouldn’t be able to withstand a full-frontal assault by those things. If we tried, we’d basically have to sacrifice our lives in the hundreds just to deal any damage, and even then, there’s less than a one percent chance that we could actually defeat the Navy, doing that.”

“It’d be a pyrrhic victory, at best,” said Ellie sadly.

Jae nodded. “I doubt any of us are much in the mood for a suicide mission, so we’ll need to come up with something better.”

“Especially since Carey’s on board one of those ships,” said Bill solemnly. “We can’t let him get hurt.”

Charlie, Jules, Jacob, and Orion’s eyes all narrowed at this. While Charlie and Jules nodded in agreement, Jacob’s jaw clenched and Orion clasped his hands in his lap and closed his eyes.

Ashe brought a hand up to squeeze Jacob’s shoulder, resting his head absently on top of his.

“Speaking from my own experience,” he said very dryly, “brute strength is hardly a be-all-end-all. Obviously one should think twice before attacking a larger enemy...but sometimes the element of surprise can turn the tide. Larger enemies often assume they have less to fear.”

“Aye...” said Jacob softly.

He considered the makeshift map and model ships they’d set up on the stained round table. Then he reached out to pick one of the miniature ketches and consider it carefully.

"We don’t have the firepower to defeat the Navy,” he said to the others, “but we do have stealth on our side.”

He immediately set about maneuvering the pieces around on the map, grouping all of the smaller ones together.

“The first thing we need is for a fleet made of the smaller ships -- the schooners, sloops, and ketches -- to carefully infiltrate the Man O’ Wars. Send a few of our men onto each ship in disguise, so they can load their lower decks with unlit explosives.”

“They could also easily sabotage their cannons and rudder chains, while they’re there,” said Orion softly.

Jacob shot a halfhearted glare at Orion out the side of his eye. Clearly even if they were allies and Orion brought up a great point, the Pirate Lord of the Atlantic Ocean was still a bit resentful about the Lord of the Caribbean Sea’s relationship with his sister.

“...Right. Then I say we -- meaning you, Captain Farrier-Weasley, as the Pirate King -- warn Beckett and the Navy that we’ll release Calypso, if they don’t turn back and let us leave Shipwreck Cove in peace. With Jones being with them, Beckett and the Navy either should already know or will immediately find out just how dangerous that is. Make sure to bluff Beckett that Calypso has so much power that she could destroy a Man O’ War with her little pinky, if she wanted.”

Samantha’s face lit up as she caught on to Jacob’s idea. “Oh! Then once Calypso is free and the weather starts getting bad...we can have the galleons and brigs attack the Man O’ Wars -- ”

“ -- and we can blow up the explosives on board with our cannons!” finished Charlie, exchanging an excited grin with Samantha.

Merula’s face burst into an huge smile too. “And it’ll make it look to the Navy like Calypso has given us this supernatural power boost!”

“Brilliant!” said Bill.

“There’d still be a 34% chance we’ll lose a few ships doing that,” said McNully thoughtfully, “but even if we’ll be outgunned and out-manned, the Man O’ Wars should be sabotaged enough that they won’t be able to attack right away. And the explosions we’d get would no doubt give those Navy officers a good scare, which might discourage them from fighting.”

Jacob nodded. “That fleet of larger ships can then keep the Man O’ Wars busy while Captain Farrier-Weasley and I sail the Revolution out to confront the Flying Dutchman. The Revolution’s probably the only ship we have that’s fast enough to compete with the Dutchman in a sea battle.”

“And we’ll need to overpower Jones, if we want to get close enough to Beckett,” said Jules, her dark eyes hard with determination.

“Jones is the Queen in this chess match,” agreed McNully. “He’s the most powerful piece on the board, so if we can topple him, we’ll have a much better chance. If we can then corner the King -- namely, Beckett -- we could use that leverage to win the whole thing.”

Bill and Charlie exchanged a look. Then the elder Weasley spoke up.

“...The plan’s great, Jacob -- but there’s a problem. Captain Hopper said that most of you lot were never soldiers. There’s a lot of training that you have to go through before going out to sea with the British Navy, and there’s just as much protocol you have to follow while you’re there. If one of our men makes a wrong move and gets caught, it could blow the whole ruse.”

“Then maybe we should go, Bill,” said Charlie. “We know the way things work -- we’d be able to blend in -- ”

“Not with that hair, you won’t,” said Merula dully.

“Face Paint is here at the Cove,” pointed out Skye. “They could fix that -- ”

Orion shook his head. “I’m afraid it’s still too risky. The Admiral indicated that Percy Weasley is also on board one of those ships. As much as I don’t think he’d ever wish to harm you, I don’t believe one could fool one’s family that long. And judging by how your last meeting ended,” he glanced at Charlie and Bill solemnly, “one cannot be certain he would choose family loyalty over what he believes is morally right.”

“Yeah, I wager there’s only a 35% chance he wouldn’t try to stop you two, if he saw you,” said McNully with an apologetic look at the Weasley brothers. “Though there is a 25% chance you might collide with Carey Weasley instead, and he could give you a hand...but I don’t think that’s a gamble we should take.”

Ellie’s lips twisted into a frown. “Still...First Mate Weasley’s got a point. It’d be probably best to send someone with the Artemis and the other small ships who already knows how to fit in with the British Navy.”

“If only Captain Moody were still here,” mumbled Barnaby sadly. “He was in the Navy for a long time, before becoming our captain...”

Charlie offered Barnaby a sympathetic look. Jae, however, looked rather thoughtful.

“...I do have...one contact that could be helpful.”

Everyone turned to look at him.

“He’s a bit of a loose cannon,” said Jae, “too impulsive for his own good and bull-headed as all Hell...kind of stupid, really. But he was in the Navy once, and he’s pretty good at working in secrecy. I work with him most often whenever there’s news of the East India Trading Company, since he’s got a contact who’s related to one of their most prominent merchants...”

Merula’s eyebrows furrowed. “...Wait a minute. You’re not suggesting Copper?”

Charlie and Jules both blinked.

“Behemoth Ben Copper?” said Jules in surprise. “The pirate who took out all three masts on an Italian frigate with one cannonball?”

“That’d be him,” said Arjun, and like Merula, he looked a bit skeptical. “Jae, I’m not sure. I don’t mean anything against Ben and all, but...well...it’s like you said, he’s a bit of a loose cannon. Ever since he mutinied against his captain, he’s just gotten more and more reckless -- leaving his crew abruptly with no explanation, rearranging his ship’s route on the fly...”

“He’s been acting weird,” agreed Aishwarya.

“Sounds like he’s the perfect choice, then!”

Everyone turned to look at Skye in bewilderment. Contrary to everyone else’s reactions, however, she looked perfectly undaunted, her lips curled up in a perfectly fearless, white smirk.

“From the sound of things, I’d wager Copper’s caught the same type of ‘weird’ that Orion’s had these last few months,” said Skye, shooting a significant look in her captain’s direction.

“And I reckon that kind of ‘weird’ would boost Copper’s motivation to help us by a good 63%,” said McNully very coolly from Orion’s other side.

Orion tried to feign a mild, patient expression as he bowed his head and avoided his crewmates’ amused looks, but he could not obscure the rosy color that was rising up into his cheeks.

“That settles it, then,” said Bill. “Let’s talk to him.”

Benjamin “Behemoth Ben” Copper did indeed boast an impressive height, being as tall as Bill with a scruffy blond beard almost as long as Jacob’s, a piece cut out of his left ear, and plenty of scars up and down his arms and along the base of his neck. He also came across as rather unpleasant, on first meeting. Although Jules had decided Orion and the Artemis would lead this smaller fleet in their mission, Ben seemed very skeptical of Orion from the off-set and was a bit forceful in trying to assert himself.

“For this mission, may us look to our friends, the cuttlefish, for guidance,” Orion said calmly as he addressed the small team of Navy veteran pirates they’d managed to assemble. “They change their appearance and attitude to blend into their environment, so as to evade the dangerous predators that might hunt them...and so too shall we.”

“The Navy isn’t that dangerous,” said Ben rather coldly.

Everyone turned to look at the much taller man, who was leaning against the back wall with his arms crossed.

Orion regarded him with patience, his hands clasping in front of him. “Not as dangerous as they’d like us to believe, true...but they do still out-gun us quite a bit.”

“That’d be more of a threat if half their new recruits weren’t so scared of the sound of gunfire that they all shut their eyes and can’t aim properly,” said Ben. “It’s not like most of those men have even seen combat like this, since England’s no longer at War.”

Orion didn’t respond, so Ben got up off the wall and strode over to look at him properly.

“Explain to me why we don’t just take down all of the ships ourselves, once we’re on board? We can more than take those lily-livered cowards...”

“We’re not doing that because it’s not the plan we agreed on, Copper,” Skye snapped.

“Skye,” Orion said in a quelling voice without removing his gaze from Ben.

“They’d never expect anyone to actually try attacking them head-on, so the element of surprise will still be there,” Ben plowed on, his brown eyes flashing with righteousness. “I say we just take all of their sailors out, one by one, while that pig Cutler Beckett is too busy gloating to take notice.”

Orion raised his eyebrows. “‘Take them out?’ Oh, no. No, I’m afraid that won’t do.”

“You’re afraid of the ships and their firepower -- but the men on those ships are vulnerable,” Ben said sharply.

“All the more reason to not hurt them more than we have to,” said Orion. “If the Navy’s ships are damaged, most of the sailors on board will still have the time to abandon ship and leave the battle with their lives.”

“Those sailors mean to kill us -- to arrest and hang the ones we love and anyone who’s ever helped us -- ”

“Not all of them,” said Orion, and his patient voice for the first time dipped low into his throat and echoed with some edge. “And because not all of them seek to destroy us and the ones we love, we have more than enough reason to not destroy them ourselves. The ships are what we fear, as you said -- they are our enemy, not the men on board -- and without that weapon of theirs, those sailors will be unable to inflict the damage we fear.”

Ben’s brown eyes bore into Orion’s very critically. Then, exhaling through his nose in a short huff, he reluctantly nodded and stepped back.

Orion turned to Face Paint. “We’ll need to make sure all of our men look like they belong among the Navy’s ranks.”

Face Paint grinned. “Don’t worry! I’ve got this.”

With some guidance from the ex-veterans on the Navy’s usual dress code, Face Paint got to work covering up scars with make-up and dressing the team accordingly. Fortunately, unlike the British army, Navy soldiers generally had more freedom in how they dressed, so long as their clothes were neat and conservative. Once Face Paint was finished, Orion had a team of about eleven men who looked as out of place on Shipwreck Cove as he himself had looked on the streets of Port Royal.

Before Orion left with the Artemis and the rest of the fleet of small ships, however, Jacob rather sharply stepped in front of him and insisted on speaking to him in private. Skye and McNully looked notably concerned, but Orion agreed, and the two stepped aside so no one else could hear them.

“Don’t think I don’t know why you’re doing this,” Jacob murmured.

Orion raised his eyebrows, even though his expression remained grimly unreadable. “It was your plan, to send the smaller ships to infiltrate the Navy’s Man O’ Wars.”

“I was not including you when I said that!” snapped Jacob.

He took an aggressive step forward, right into Orion’s personal bubble.

“I know why you’re doing it, Amari, and it’s not just because Captain Farrier-Weasley asked you to be in charge of that mission,” he said in a very low snarl, rather like that of a territorial dog.

Orion’s eyes grew a little smaller, but remained too murky to read properly. “I daresay my reasoning is the same as why you arranged it so that you would be on the ship facing off against the Flying Dutchman.”

“Do not compare my motives with yours!” said Jacob fiercely, as his skull-like eyes flared like flames. “I don’t care what you feel for my Wyn -- you could never understand what she means to me! I would and will do anything I have to in order to protect her -- ”

“I know,” Orion cut Jacob off as calmly as he could. “I could never understand the bond you two share.”

His dark eyes flickered with a strange emotion.

“...But...I do understand what a beacon she is -- how, like a candle, she can light up a room enough to comfort you, when you’re most frightened. How the soft, warm light she gives off is for you alone...how the embers she leaves behind burn long after her light has left you. How she’ll...drain herself of whatever strength she has...just to make sure you don’t despair.”

Something cracked in Jacob’s eyes, betraying genuine vulnerability. A vein pulsed in his jaw and his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Orion clasped his hands in front of him, regarding Jacob with a grim, sad expression.

“Care --...your sister...is a truly remarkable woman. She always has been, from the day I ended up on your doorstep back in Port Royal all those years ago. I can’t say for sure that I’ve loved her since then, but...when we found each other again, I realized that the freedom I have on the high seas is superficial at best...for I wasn’t free to stay with her...no more than she’s free to follow me. If she stays with Cutler Beckett...if she ends up impressed into service on the Flying Dutchman...”

Jacob’s fists clenched tighter and started to shake. Orion’s eyes rippled with pain and anxiety as he closed them.

“I can’t do nothing while Carewyn loses what little freedom she has left,” the taller captain burst out before he could stop himself. “However cruel Jones is in the legends I’ve heard, I know first-hand Cutler Beckett is a crueler master than he could ever be.”

He ran his pointer and middle finger alongside the inside of his wrist, where the “P” brand shone a tense white on his tanned skin. He breathed in and out through his nose slowly to try to calm his heart rate, before he opened his eyes to look back at Jacob.

“...I know our methods are different, but our goal is the same. Although I hope you succeed in overcoming Jones and force him to release her...I’m sure you understand why I have to take measures in case you don’t.”

Jacob’s eyes narrowed upon Orion’s face, but for the first time, there was confusion muddled with the distrust.

“I already told you that Jones won’t care if my Wyn gets married and takes on another name,” he said quietly. “He said she’d still be considered a Cromwell.”

Orion’s dark eyes softened sadly. “I know.”

Jacob’s eyes scrunched up further. Then they widened as he thought of something he hadn’t before. The thought made his face go very white.

“You...”

Orion did not respond, but Jacob knew he’d figured out what Orion was thinking. It made his fists shake at his sides and his pupils narrow to slits.

‘He’s...truly that selfless?’

Jacob didn’t want to believe it. He couldn’t believe that this man loved his sister that much.

Despite himself, he couldn’t help but lash out.

“...I do not give my blessing to this! I don’t care what sincere affect you dance around with, I will never trust you with my Wyn’s heart, Amari! You could never deserve my sister!”

But Orion’s features merely prickled with the hints of a smile. "I know.”

Jacob gave an aggravated sigh, throwing his hand up in a violent smack at the air, as he threw his head back and rolled his eyes up in the direction of the ceiling.

He wanted to hate this man so much, but it was proving difficult when he wouldn’t rise to anything he said. He wanted him to fight back, to get mad -- then he could feel justified in protecting Carewyn from him...

But in truth, Jacob knew -- this man wasn’t someone to protect Carewyn from. Truthfully...he knew this man would likely do just as much to protect Carewyn as he would...

Jacob’s hollowed-out eyes ran over Orion’s face, narrowing critically. Then, at last, he said,

“...You were the boy, weren’t you? The one Wyn hid under her floorboards.”

Orion’s eyes flickered with fondness and he inclined his head in a small nod. Jacob inhaled slowly through his nose and then exhaled very heavily.

“I will stop Jones,” he said very lowly. “So your 'measures’ won’t be necessary.”

With this, Carewyn’s brother turned on his heel and strode away, his black boots clapping against the cobblestones as he went.

As the pirates set their plan into motion, Carewyn herself was finishing up business on the Flying Dutchman. She was meant to remain on the HMS Lion with Beckett for the battle, but she insisted on speaking to all of her men on the ship and leaving proper instruction before departing. After all, the Admiral argued, even if Rakepick was staying on board, she was not a Naval officer, nor was she their commanding officer. It also was the excuse Carewyn needed to speak to Davy Jones privately.

Jones looked to be in a fairer mood than she’d seen him last. Carewyn wasn’t sure for the reason for it, but she hoped it wasn’t in response to the impending battle. Regardless of how Jones felt about the pirates and Shipwreck Cove, she dreaded the thought of anyone actually anticipating the battle. Instead, however, she reassured Jones that she would pass along whatever intelligence she gathered about where Rakepick had hidden his heart.

“I know Rakepick said she was out for herself, but there are only so many places she could’ve hidden it,” she said. “Port Royal is out of the question: it couldn’t be used as any sort of leverage there. So she either one, was lying and has it close by somewhere on the Dutchman...or two, Beckett does know where it is, but Rakepick plans to backstab him.”

“I suspect the former,” said Jones lowly, his dark eyes narrowing as he shot a glance out the stained-glass window of the cabin. “I can feel my heart’s presence, so it must be close.”

Carewyn inclined her head slightly. “I see. In that case, you might be able to retrieve it yourself. I’m sorry I can’t be of further help.”

She paused. Then, taking a deep breath, she spoke again.

“Captain Jones, time is not on our side...but something’s been bothering me. When I first agreed to help you, you knew my real name, without me having told you. You said that was because you know everyone’s true name, but...”

She considered him warily.

“...It’s also because...you know my older brother...don’t you?”

Jones’s eyes narrowed. He considered her for a long moment, before he gave a clipped nod.

“...Aye. I know him.”

Carewyn’s heart sank. ‘Then Rakepick was right -- Jacob did make a deal with Jones. That must be why Orion said Jacob ‘would be disappointed’ -- ’

“...What does he owe you?”

Jones, for the first time, looked almost evasive. He turned away, casting his eyes to the opposite wall as he took a few plodding steps away.

Carewyn watched him move, her arms which had been folded behind her back slackening at her sides.

“Captain Jones, please,” she said, and some desperation echoed in her voice despite her best efforts, “I already might not have enough power to protect him from Beckett, I have to know what debt he might have with you.”

Jones was quiet for a moment longer. When he finally spoke again, his voice was very low, reluctant...even regretful.

“...The price...was a lifetime of service, from a member of his family.”

Carewyn’s eyes widened.

‘A lifetime of service...?’

Jacob’s intense, anxious reaction to the death of Charles and Blaise suddenly made sense.

‘He must’ve meant to give one of them to Jones,’ Carewyn’s mind raced. ‘Could he really have agreed to something like that -- enslave Grandfather or Blaise to Jones?’

Unfortunately it didn’t sound completely out-of-character for Jacob -- for as much as she’d hated Charles Cromwell and resented Blaise, Carewyn knew her feelings paled in the face of Jacob’s. Not only had he been older and thus forced to do more of their dirty work, but he’d also always loathed how much they hurt Carewyn when they were young, both to keep him in line and in a cruel attempt to “toughen her up.”

But now...now Blaise and Charles were dead. All of the Cromwells -- Jacob’s family -- were dead...except for...

Carewyn’s face was very white. Her lips came together and she bowed her head, casting her eyes into shadow.

“...I see,” she whispered, her voice shakier than she’d intended.

‘This is why Orion and Jacob want me off the Dutchman. Because I’m the only one who can fill Jacob’s debt.’

Jones glanced over his shoulder, his dark eye oddly ashamed.

“He did it out of love for you,” he said very quietly. “I confess, before we met, I’d seen irony in the situation. Now...I wish I could excuse the debt, but...”

Jones swallowed, and the tentacles of his beard gave a series of low pops.

“...Magical contracts...are not so easily broken. Once someone is marked with the Black Spot, the terms will be met, whether I want them to be or not. Fate will maneuver itself in such a way that you end up as part of my crew, even if I actively decide not to take you. As long as your brother and I both live...the terms are etched in stone.”

Jones then strode back over, fixing Carewyn with a solemn eye.

“Unless...you wanted to make a deal yourself? One soul could be comparable to another.”

Carewyn closed her eyes and considered this. After a long moment, she swallowed, and shook her head.

“That’s not something I can give you,” she whispered.

Jones’s eyes grew a little smaller as he faced the door. “I thought you might say that.”

He paused. His claw clicked together at his side.

“I...lament that a noble soul like yours is doomed to remain with me,” he murmured. “I will do my best to take care of you, as part of my crew.”

With another set of plodding steps, Jones walked over to the door of the cabin, opened it, and left.

Carewyn’s knees buckled out from under her. She collapsed onto the bench in front of the massive organ, staring down at her own booted feet without even seeing them.

She couldn’t thrust this burden on anyone else. How could she? No matter who they were...no one deserved to live their life in servitude. Carewyn knew she would never be able to live with herself, doing something so cruel...but...

It...it wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair! She’d already had to resign herself to the knowledge that she couldn’t shield the others from Beckett -- she’d already had to resign herself to staying under Beckett’s foot. Not only was she helpless in helping the ones she loved escape Beckett...but now...once she was a member of Jones’s crew...she would likely never see any of them again. She’d never be able to make that world that they deserved -- a world where they could live free of the fear of being captured and hanged...a world where they could live and chase their dreams in peace.

She’d never see Orion again. She’d never see Jacob again. She’d never see Bill again. She’d never see Charlie again. She’d never see Jules or Percy again.

Carewyn took a sharp intake of breath, trying to contain her emotions, but it was no use. Her hands flew to her face, clutching desperately, as she tried in vain to suffocate the tears spilling out of her eyes and the sobs erupting out of her throat.

Little did Carewyn know that a red-haired woman much taller than her had been beside the window of the captain’s cabin and had heard the entire conversation.

Under the cover of the fog that swept in that night, Orion’s team of Navy veteran pirates split up and stowed away aboard the Navy’s ships, each carrying one of the hundred black barrels of highly explosive black powder Jae had prepared for them. They would then be able to fetch more from one of the many sloops, ketches, and schooners floating among the armada the rest of the night.

As luck would have it, Ben boarded a ship that turned out to be the HMS Lion itself. He was glad of it, as he was determined to make sure that Beckett could never target anyone else again. Unfortunately, as soon as Ben arrived on board the ship, he was immediately uneasy. No one had spotted him arrive, but this ship wasn’t like any of the ships he’d seen during his time with the Navy. Everything was so unusually clean and precise and brand new, as if none of it had been touched -- and stranger still, all of the sailors, from their perfectly polished gold-buckled shoes to their blue and white uniforms to their gold-trimmed black tricorn hats, looked as identical as a set of dolls.

Little did Ben know that Cutler Beckett had higher standards of uniformity for the ship he was on than he did any of the other ships in his armada -- and so, even perfectly disguised as an ordinary sailor, Ben stood out like a sore thumb.

“You there!” said one of the lieutenants, upon spotting Ben on the staircase down to the lower decks. “Where’s your uniform, sailor?”

Ben faltered. ‘Uniform? Regular sailors don’t wear -- ’

He immediately put down the barrel he’d been carrying and turned around, putting on his strongest face as he stood up perfectly straight and saluted.

“...I’m only a new recruit, sir. I have no rank.”

“All sailors on the HMS Lion were given a custom uniform, when first they were selected by Lord Beckett,” snapped the lieutenant, his black eyes narrowing suspiciously upon the much taller man. “I ask you again -- where is yours?”

Ben immediately guessed that he’d made a huge mistake. Knowing that if he didn’t do something drastic, he’d blow the whole operation, his hand slid down to the pistol in his belt. Did he dare silence the man by force? Would that not alert the rest of the ship?

“What’s going on here?”

Another officer -- this one with a ginger red ponytail and almond-shaped blue eyes -- came down from the helm and over to the two men.

“A-Admiral Weasley!” said the lieutenant, straightening up immediately.

‘Admiral?’ thought Ben. ‘Then this is Carey Weasley?’

His brown eyes narrowed upon the frame of the Navy’s greatest hero.

'...He’s so...tiny.’

Carewyn looked from the lieutenant to Ben, her blue eyes narrowing.

“Ah, I suppose Captain Weasley’s sent over another new recruit,” she said smoothly. “Where is this man’s uniform, Lieutenant?”

“That -- I just asked that, sir,” the lieutenant stumbled over his words.

“Respectfully, I hope,” said Carewyn rather pointedly.

“That -- well -- I merely thought it was suspicious. We normally are all given uniforms, prior to boarding -- I hadn’t known that Captain Weasley was sending over any...”

The lieutenant looked a bit sheepish. It was remarkable how he looked and sounded so much more boyish around the Admiral, compared to how harsh and suspicious he’d sounded when he addressed Ben.

“No matter, Lieutenant,” said Carewyn, giving the young man a soft smile. “You thought of the safety of our ship and crew. That’s the right instinct to have, despite the circumstances.”

She turned to Ben, her eyes becoming a bit more solemn.

“What’s your name, sailor?”

“Cooper, sir,” Ben said at once, giving a salute. “Gordon Cooper.”

“Well, Mr. Cooper, you’d best come with me, before Lord Beckett sees you out of uniform. He likes his flag ship run just so.”

And so Ben reluctantly followed the Admiral down to the ship’s lower level and into the cargo hold. She fetched him a blue and white Navy uniform, but rather than just leaving Ben to put it on himself, she insisted on helping him put it on properly.

“I told you, Lord Beckett likes things just so,” she said. “I will not have any sailor under my command end up on the wrong side of him.”

“I can put on a bloody shirt,” Ben said before he could stop himself.

“See that you do, then,” said Carewyn very coolly.

Ben watched, perfectly bewildered, as the Admiral hung the blue coat she’d set aside for him off of a nail sticking out of one of the beams of the ship and smoothed the wrinkles out of it.

With a dull snort, he pulled the faded red shirt and brown trousers Face Paint had dressed him in up over his head and switched it out for the white Navy breeches, stockings, and shirt he’d been given. He tried to keep his back to Carewyn, so as to obscure the scars on his upper chest and arms.

As he changed, Ben suddenly realized he heard a soft, husky voice humming a tune in the back of their throat.

“Now some have died, and some are alive...and others...sail on the sea...”

Ben straightened up sharply.

“...With the keys to the cage and the Devil to pay,” he echoed, “we lay to Fiddler’s Green.”

He turned around to look at Carewyn, who still had her back to him.

“So you are allied with us,” he said under his breath.

Carewyn glanced over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “‘So?’ You sound like someone already told you that, previously.”

“Two people, actually,” Ben corrected her, crossing his arms. “Orion Amari, for one. The other...”

He glanced off to the side absently, his brown eyes growing a bit mistier at the thought.

“...She...has family who works for the East India Trading Company. While one of their ships was docked in Port Royal, she’d spoken to some of the prisoners awaiting execution...and though most of them were no state to talk, the ones who were expressed their admiration for Carey Weasley -- how he was the only person on the Dutchman who showed them any kindness.”

The thought of Wendy’s face as she described what the prisoners had told her made Ben’s heart clench.

“...That kind of decency...was something I thought the Navy lost long ago.”

Carewyn’s eyes grew a little smaller and grimmer as they fell down onto Ben’s shoulder.

“I’m afraid it has, for the most part,” she said softly, “but only because of those currently in command. Our men are still good men...just misguided.”

Ben couldn’t keep the disbelieving, resentful glare from his face. He strode past Carewyn to fetch the blue coat, but the Admiral bustled in front of him, fetched a gold-buttoned white vest, and set about slipping it over Ben’s shirt.

“Here -- you’ll need this, first.”

Ben’s mouth dropped open in bewilderment and irritation.

“Wha -- oh, come on, I’m not some little lost lamb!”

“Definitely not,” said Carewyn dryly. “You’re anything but ‘little.’“

She started buttoning up Ben’s vest. The pirate gave an aggravated groan.

“Seriously? Ugh...will you knock it off? You’re acting like my mother -- ”

“Well, you’re acting like a child, so I reckon that’s appropriate,” Carewyn shot back. She then added a bit more solemnly, “Look, I can’t help Orion, Bill, and the others while I’m stuck here...but I can help you help them. So that’s what I intend to do, whether you like it or not.”

Ben’s face darkened with an embarrassed flush as he looked away, shooting daggers into the far corner with his eyes, while Carewyn finished buttoning up his vest.

“I should probably help you trim your beard too,” said Carewyn absently. “Navy men don’t wear beards much these days, even when they’re not officers...”

“I don’t need you to trim my beard,” Ben said grumpily. “I can shave myself.”

“Oh, you don’t believe in the old superstition, then. Good...I’ve had to shave some of my men’s faces for them, so that Beckett wouldn’t give them a hard time for looking scruffy...”

Ah, then it was about reassuring the men who were too superstitious to shave on board so they could still follow Beckett’s dress code, more than simple smothering. That made Ben feel a bit better.

“...Hm, well...I suppose I have been meaning to cut it a bit anyway...”

Once Carewyn had finished buttoning up Ben’s vest, she adjusted his collar.

“When did you leave the Navy?” she asked without looking at his face.

Ben considered her for a moment before answering.

“...Four years ago. I’d gone to sea to try to rise above my station...to earn enough money that I could...well...improve my prospects. But I ended up on board a ship with a captain who sacrificed the lives of his own men, not to protect the innocent, but to protect a ship he held financial stock in. A ship owned by Cutler Beckett, transporting gold, spices, ivory, and slaves to the colonies.”

Carewyn was immediately reminded of Orion. “So you rebelled.”

“Not right away,” Ben corrected. “I tried to have the captain court-marshalled first. But the Navy only gave him a light talking-to and left it at that. They didn’t remove him from service or strip him of his rank, or even publicly reprimand him -- he was allowed to just go about his business like before. And worse, he knew I was the one who’d reported him -- so he ended up retaliating against me, since he was still my commanding officer. I, well...eventually I just got fed up -- so I stopped cowering and fought back.”

Carewyn’s light blue eyes narrowed. “I see. ...You did the right thing.”

Ben’s face seemed to soften slightly. “...Thanks. It hasn’t always felt like the right thing.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t.”

Carewyn fetched the blue coat and helped Ben put it on. This time, he didn’t put up as much of a fuss, even though he considered Carewyn with a more critical, solemn expression.

“Why haven’t you fought back against Beckett?” he asked lowly. “You know what he’s doing is wrong.”

“If I were to fight now, I’d lose,” said Carewyn, “and if I lose, then the ones I love will be in more danger than ever.”

‘My future is already out of my reach. My freedom is already out of reach. If anything happened to them...I’d lose the best part of myself.’

“... I need to wait for the right moments where I can actually make a difference...like this one, for instance,” she added with a slight smile.

Ben’s eyes grew a little smaller as he studied her face.

“...It’s hard for you to stay silent, isn’t it?”

Carewyn didn’t respond, but her eyes squinted a bit too, rippling with a dark emotion as she yanked a loose thread free of Ben’s coat and adjusted the buttons.

“There,” she said at last. “Don’t forget your hat, when you’re out on deck.”

She handed a gold-trimmed black tricorn hat to him, but Ben didn’t put it on, instead holding it loose at his side.

“I won’t be on deck long,” he said. “I’ll be here below deck most of the time...I’ll be gone by dawn.”

Carewyn blinked. Then her whole face seemed to light up in realization.

“...Sabotage,” she whispered. Her almond-shaped blue eyes were almost over-bright. “Black Jack Roberts planned this, didn’t he?”

Ben was startled. “Uh...yeah, he did.”

‘Oh, that’s just like Jacob! He’s always been brilliant...’

Carewyn’s eyes gleamed with warm, intense pride and fondness as she cast her gaze aside.

Ben looked at Carewyn curiously. “...You know Black Jack?”

Carewyn beamed. “Oh, aye -- we go way back.”

“How far back?”

“We grew up together.”

‘I don’t need to explain how we’re related,’ thought Carewyn. ‘If Orion didn’t feel the need to tell him my real name, I don’t have to...it’s not exactly necessary information.’

Carewyn’s response, however, sparked an interesting reaction from Ben. Almost instantly, his hard, overly serious expression had become much softer and warmer, betraying a genuine smile.

“Really...”

The faintest ghost of a laugh seemed to fall from his lips as he bowed his head, his eyes drifting down to the ground. Carewyn smiled slightly in return.

“Now then, Mr. Cooper...I’ll leave you to your work. The barracks are on the lower deck on the starboard side of the ship,” she nodded to the the hallway behind them, “and the officers’ quarters are just up the stairs from there. The walls are thin and most of the officers will be up and about doing nightly rounds, so be careful not to make too much noise. If they catch you ‘out of bed,’ do as they say and pretend to go to your bunk -- you can always use the shortcut that goes through the spirit room on the far right wall to get back out into the hallway without going out the way you came. When you’re up on deck, avoid the windows by the captain’s cabin at all cost -- Beckett can be up when you least expect it, and if he sees any movement outside his windows, he might see fit to investigate. I’ll try to keep the other officers occupied at the helm as much as I can, so they don’t notice you.”

Ben picked up his barrel again with a nod. “Thank you.”

Carewyn saluted him, and he returned the gesture with his arm not holding the barrel.

“By the way,” he added, “the name’s Copper, not Cooper. Ben Copper.”

Carewyn’s lips spread into a full smile. “Nice to meet you.”

She reached out and took hold of the taller man’s shoulder, giving it an abridged squeeze.

“Godspeed...and best of luck.”

By dawn, Ben had finished his preparations and left the HMS Lion, slipping onto the Artemis so that it could sail away before the fog dissipated. Ben had been the last one to finish and return to the fleet, so Skye had expressed the (rather irritable) concern the crew felt that Ben might have gotten himself caught. Ben confessed that he would’ve if it hadn’t been for the Admiral, and told them what had happened. Orion hadn’t said a word or drawn any attention to himself during the entire recounting, so Ben couldn’t have taken into account how the captain turned his focus up to the large, gold-trimmed Navy ship as they sailed away from it. Neither he nor McNully also never heard Orion pull one of his crew members aside and give him one of his gold earrings, explicitly instructing him to deliver it to Jules.

“She’ll need it, for the unbinding ceremony,” he said.

At dawn, the two Navies -- Royal and Pirate -- assembled for war. All of the Britiwhs Navy’s ships got into position, completely unaware of the trap that lay under their decks. The fleet of the pirates’ galleons and brigs -- including the Phoenix, Blackbird, Naga, and Treasure -- came up around the mouth of Shipwreck Cove like a wall, while the Revolution -- captained by Jules and assisted by her First Mate Bill, Jacob, and Ashe -- sailed out in front as the pirates’ flagship.

In the midst of all of this, the fleet of smaller ships were meant to retreat into the ranks of the larger ships, so as to offer support if any of the large ships were to fall and their crews needed to be rescued. But all of a sudden, the crew of the Artemis realized that Orion was nowhere to be found. Panic set in on deck as they searched for him, with crew members all frantically trying to figure out when they saw him last. It didn’t take long for McNully to put together where Orion had gone.

McNully wheeled his chair across the deck, looking with anxiety up at the HMS Lion, sailing just to the right of the Flying Dutchman.

Bounding up through the ocean waves still trimmed with fog, he caught sight of Orion steering the Artemis’s jollyboat into the Navy ship’s shadow.

Skye came up to the railing too. When she caught sight of the jollyboat too, she violently grabbed hold of the railing, her eyes very wide with horror.

“What’s he DOING?!”

“He’s going after the Admiral,” said McNully.

“The Admiral?” said Ben, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

Skye looked beside herself with anger and concern. “No, no, no, no, NO! Orion, you bloody dunce! Just because I said that your and Copper’s kind of ‘weird’ was helpful at the meeting doesn’t mean I wanted you to act on it in the middle of the goddamned battle!”

She whirled on McNully.

“We have to stop him! He’s going to get himself caught again -- ”

“There’s only a 21.3% chance of that,” McNully cut her off. “It’s a bit hard to be caught and stay caught when a sea battle is about to kick off. There’s a higher probability of him getting himself killed...”

The First Mate felt the urge to swear both out of frustration and out of anxiety, but he kept his head. He rolled his chair around to face the rest of the crew.

“Signal to the Kumiho and the rest of the fleet to continue with the retreat,” he told them. “We’re going after him.”

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writing-the-end · 4 years

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LoL Chapter 12: Family Dynamics

Masterpost

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU belongs to @theguardiansofredland )

Safe on their home island of Eremita, the hermits need to practice, grow their magic stronger. A day in the life of the illegal guild of hermits includes food- practice- more food- practice- contemplating of life.

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The Order returned to their island, healed by the remaining Asklepions and left with more questions than answers. They know almost nothing more about dark magic, despite fighting it twice now. When they thought husks only appeared around crystals, Danes proved they can move. When they believed they understood why a husk appeared, the monsters just tore apart their theories.

One thing they did learn from the two experiences is they need more training. More experience, especially against dark magic. The hermits were strong, but the forces of darkness were stronger. But before any of them can take on each other, they first need to take on breakfast.

Which is a challenge in itself. Half of the hermits want to jump right into training, ignoring the guild hall and insistence of TFC. The other half are easily enticed by the scent of food.

Grian is practically vibrating in his seat, to the point that Iskall has to reach out and press his hand on the blond hair to keep him seated. “Who thought it was a good idea to give him syrup?”

“It’s not the breakfast, I can’t wait to get back to sparring!” Grian grins, turning to Mumbo. “You ready for another round of quickdraws?”

Mumbo groans, head falling back and mouth falling open. “Gri, you know I can’t quickdraw my magic circle.”

“Like, at all, dude.” Iskall hums, picking the skin off an orange.

“That’s how you’ll get better! Learn by doing!” Grian points out. He knows that Mumbo struggles with his magic- it’s a lot of magic to handle, being a multi-mage. But he’s seen Mumbo’s strength, he sees the potential in his best friend. And only someone as equally powerful as him, like Grian, can take on that power. Once it shows itself.

Stress walks by, rolling up her sleeves and brushing the rat’s nest from her hair. She sits down next to False, squeaking as the sharp slice of rock against metal cuts into the air. Stress realizes the shining alloy isn’t a plate. “False, haven’t we said before- no weapons on the tables?”

“It’s no used weapons. This is brand new, just finished forging it last night.” She picks the chakram by the handle in the center, tossing the disk blade across the table to Wels. “Why don’t you give it a try today?”

Wels laughs, giving the weapon a slice and a spin. “Let’s see Etho dodge this.”

Etho, hearing his own name, abruptly stands up from his seat and scurries into the nearest shadow, a strip of bacon shoved into his mouth as he pulls up his mask. Doc and BDubs only laugh, divvying up the remains of Etho’s breakfast.

Under the quiet seats under the massive oak, as old as the island itself, Keralis and Xisuma are studying. Keralis stopped by his family’s bookstore on the mainland, sifting through ancient tomes in hopes of finding something about dark magic.

“Ugh, why does no one write about dark magic, sheshwammy?” Keralis growls, his thick south Lairyon accent struggling to say Xisuma’s central name.

“Probably because it’s illegal to practice it, so no one knows anything about it.” Xisuma sets down another book, picking up the egg sandwich he made and taking a frustrated bite. “Though someone obviously does. But we need proof that this is dark magic, written proof.” He knows they can’t stop it themselves- that’s the arcane guard’s job. But after seeing all of Gildara abandoned, and most of the Asklepions killed, the least he can do is this.

“You really think the pen is mightier than the sword?” False questions, raising an eyebrow. She presses her knife into the sausage patty on her plate, daring Joe to answer.

“I mean, when my pen can make a giant magic sword with fire and lightning, yeah.” Joe grins, pressing his chin to his open palm. A dangerous glint appears behind his glasses, and he uses the other hand to push them up. Sun reflects off the spectacles, making it impossible for False to see anything beyond the smirk and the light- infuriating her.

“Cleo,” False grabs the pirate by her long coat and dragging her into the conversation. Without the paladin here to back her up, she needed someone else with a way with words. “You get what I’m saying. Tell me your blade there wouldn’t completely destroy Joe in a fight. I mean, all I’d have to do is cut up that journal of yours and your magic is useless!”

“Well, Joe does have a point. Sure, your forged weapons are the best in the kingdom, and Joe is screwed if he ever has to face you without his magic.” Cleo pauses, watching the two. “But I’m inclined to believe that words should come before violence- which is why anytime Mr. Joe of the Hills here refuses to finish his breakfast, I remind him with my words that I’m going to break his knees before i actually do.” Cleo pulls out her sword, setting the tip on the wood table.

Joe shoves the last of his pancakes into his mouth, quick to retreat from Cleo. He was asking for trouble with False, but he knows any of the women could easily kick his ass. Even as an S-Class. “Hey False, why don’t we take this debate to the training field, see how mighty the sword is to the pen?”

“You can’t escape me forever, Joe!” Cleo calls, watching as the two S-Class mages run down the hill and onto the latter half of the island. Their home island, Eremita, was separated into two parts. The southern side of the island lays claim to where the hermits live. An odd mix of towers and forges, ships and caves. It was up to the hermits to chose their own style of household- which created some disunion of the overall complex, but allowed for each member to express themselves. Everyone helped, whether Scar packed stone bricks or False forged iron nails.

The other half of the island, however, was left mostly untouched. A large field of grass, combed by the salty sea air, dotted with targets and barriers. A dirt circle cuts into the field, where hermits can duel one on one. Beyond the field, a large pond expands like an eye to the face of the island. Caressing the other shore, a dense forest grows on a slow rise of a hill, before stopping at the edge of the cove of a broad, sandy beach. It was a perfect home, a perfect place for an illegal guild to lay claim.

Training grounds quickly filled with groups and teams, even TFC getting in on strengthening himself. He wasn’t going to let some little rock keep him down for long. “Hey Cub, lets show these guys a thing or two about magic.”

The two silver haired, bearded men join the others well settled into today’s training. Deep in the forest, a soft explosion can be heard, followed by the giddy laughter as Zedaph leaps from tree to tree. Tango and Impulse struggle to follow him, and the birds diving for their heads don’t help. At the interface between trees and grass, Doc and Jevin have teamed up to amass an army. Objects under the devious control of Doc’s puppeteering magic, violent and unshaken to mimic the husks they fought. Jevin’s slime soldiers add bodies to the battle, flanking Iskall, Ren, and Xisuma. Hiding behind a barrier, Etho is waiting for the sun to reappear and for shadows to return, ducking his head as the chakram whizzes past. Despite his terrifying predicament, he has a coy smile on his face.

In the field, BDubs is practicing his aim with Scar, shredding apart haybales with their unique magic. Plants grow from one, thorns dug deep into the tightly bound material. The other has been knocked over and crushed by a boulder, Scar cheering his success. And in the center of the dueling ring, Mumbo and Grian stand still as stone. The quietest Grian ever has been. In a flash, as simple as a shift in the wind’s direction, Mumbo rushes to summon his circle. A second later, he’s blown off his feet, Grian grinning with blue embers fading away from his fingers. Mumbo groans, rubbing the dirt stained fabric on his rear. “You couldn’t have given me a few seconds? It’s not like I’d ever win.”

Grian offers an easy smile, waving Mumbo closer. “Come on, let’s practice the basics again. I know you can do it, friend.”

The hermits continue into the afternoon, only stopping their training briefly for lunch under the cool relief of the oaken guild hall. Groups disband and reform, training and practicing and learning from each other. Trying to be better, stronger together. So that next time they come face to face with an enemy, or the dark magic, they can win. They will win.

No guild is quite like the Order of Hermits. Apart from being illegal, they’re a mix of just about every kind of magic. A healing mage like Grian can stand side by side with Cleo’s underworld magic, no set skill required on requested. Varying strengths train side by side, not separated from better or worse. They all have something to learn from each other, even the strongest S-Class can be surprised by the newest mage. And often, Grian is. The magic is just as diverse as the people, the hermits that call Eremita home.

Training is cut short by a squall, appearing like magic and blowing across the Ashioll sea. Broiling grey clouds engulf the sun, and quickly send the hermits scattering into shelter. Well, most of them. The ZIT trio remained wrestling in the mud, and BDubs couldn’t help but join in.

Wels returns the chakram to False, a number of other hermits huddled around the blasting heat of False’s outdoor forge, nestled under the stone roof. Stress jumps back as an ember sparks out, nearly catching the trim of her robes. She rubs her exposed arms, the warm material of her fur coat wrapped around her waist. So much for the hot summer day.

Joe and Cleo have made up, and are plucking books from his library to read as the rain pours down, laughing as they watch Ren skitter away to his home, ears and tail tucked.

Xisuma sits at a window, looking out across the clouded green sea from his tower. He chose the Ashioll sea for a reason to make this his home. To start a guild here. No one else dared called these waters home. Old magic, magic so wild and arcane that not even the kiplings can control, residing here in these waters. Merchant vessels and battleships avoid the sea, and even the hermits don’t have every island mapped out. Though Grian and Xisuma are working on it. The sea was their safe haven, the island their home.

Xisuma turns his head, glancing at the white envelope on his desk. The yellow seal bearing a sun remains unbroken. He’s not ready to think about his brother. He knows he could have valuable information, and is likely concerned about him, but he can’t bear to open the letter today. He turns his head back to the storm, watching lightning streak across the sky, smelling the scent of the void left behind by the bolts. He doesn’t need his brother- he has his own family, right here.

They’ll do this, without Ex.

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perfectlywisedelusions · 4 years

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The Live Action Mulan Is Unintentionally Hilarious

There are some things I liked about the live action remake of Mulan. The cinematography is excellent, and the locations are beautiful. The action is well choreographed and shot, for the most part. Like all Disney remakes, the sets and costumes are excellent. The score is pretty good. The movie looks nice. Now, it’s time for the things that came across as hilarious.

The acting is consistently mediocre. The best actors are the guy who played the one love interest, and Bhori Khan. Everyone else is really mediocre or bad, or we don’t see enough of them to judge. (I am leaving Rosalind Chao out of this because my Trekkie heart wants to defend her, but she has to try and cover up her very American accent and it’s pretty funny.) Mulan really never shows any emotion, nor does anyone else. (Although the actress who played Mulan was really good at martial arts and did a lot of the stunts, so she gets some acting forgiveness.) Our main characters are faced with death, and they never react at all. By far the worst actor is the emperor, who is supposed to be wise and stern but comes across kind of like a robot. When he’s in the throne room, his line delivery is hilarious. He kind of sounds like a not angry version of Anthony Hopkins in Thor: The Dark World.

The CGI in this movie is atrocious. It is funny how bad it is. The phoenix looks awful. At the end of the movie, there’s this CGI molten metal that looks really bad. There’s a scene where Mulan’s battalion discovers a group of dead soldiers, and they tried to turn the sky gray in post. It looks so bad, especially since the dead soldiers don’t look good either. It’s supposed to be a sad scene, and it’s funny instead. The witch transforms into birds a lot, but the CGI is so bad that they have to cut away or only show reflections of her full transformations. This happens almost every time she transforms and it’s hilarious once you notice it.

Even the characters’ actions are kind of funny. Mulan never thinks to tell the Matchmaker that there is a spider under the teapot, even though it is a good excuse for why she moved it in the first place. There is no reason for her to keep it secret. The general decides to take his entire army out of a fortified garrison to fight mounted troops on a battlefield. His army has, like 6 cavalrymen, and he still goes out and fights. Facing down an army on horseback when you’re on the ground will not end well. This decision is so stupid and destined to fail it’s funny. The Chinese Army doesn’t even have gunpowder or ranged weapons aside from archers, which the bad guys have, too. (Even though China had gunpowder at the time of the Silk Roads.) Anyway, the whopping 6 cavalrymen all die, and Mulan decides to go after the twelve horsemen who killed them. She follows them, at a slow pace, into a geothermal area where the horsemen have disappeared and she fights the witch. She is on what I’m guessing is a buildup of sulfur or other minerals, and we see it beginning to crack. There is a shot devoted to showing that the ground is breaking. Rather than using this to her advantage while fighting the witch, Mulan gets thrown against a wall. All she had to do was to plunge her sword into the ground. She might die, but she’d at least take the witch with her. After fighting Mulan, the witch turns into a bunch of small birds and goes to “attack” the Chinese Army. She turns the movie into Birdemic temporarily, and the army hides out under their shields. They are literally being dive-bombed by sparrows. Worst case scenario they have a few scratches. Then Mulan, rather than going after the twelve horsemen she was after in the first place, decides to go help her friends who she doesn’t know are in real danger. She gets the enemy soldiers to shoot their catapult at her, but the operator is off by 2,000 feet at least. He shoots nowhere near where he thinks the enemy is. He is so off of his target that it’s funny. Mulan returns to her friends and has to leave, but would rather be executed than sent home. She doesn’t consider that her family might want her back alive, and instead wants to die. (She later gets praised for her devotion to her family. And while this is trying to make a point about honor, we never see exactly what dishonor does to a family. The characters say dishonor is bad, but we don’t know why.) Anyway, Mulan then meets the witch again, who says that Bhori Khan is going to take the Imperial City and kill the emperor. That is all that the witch says. This is basically what Bhori Khan’s plan would have been in the first place. He’s trying to conquer China. He’ll probably go for the capital city and the ruler. But Mulan takes this to mean that Bhori Khan and his army are at the gates of the Imperial City, and no army is close enough to stop them. I have no idea how she arrived at this conclusion. Upon being told that the people conquering China were going to take over the center of power, without being given a specific time frame as to when this will happen, Mulan somehow believes that Bhori Khan is right outside the Imperial City and that no one is close enough to stop them. HOW DID SHE COME UP WITH THIS? She manages to get her 6 friends to go help defend the city.(Note-six people will be no help against an invading army.) There’s already a small army inside the city, and then six people show up to help. It’s so pathetic when they show it in the movie. The emperor gets kidnapped and taken to this building that is currently being constructed. Bhori Khan decides to burn him alive by tying him to the top of the building, then he melts metal? He has a vat of melted metal and then three pipes of fire. First of all, it’s impossible to get metal heated to the point where it is liquid without proper equipment. Bhori Khan didn’t have any equipment. Also, what was his plan? Was he going to let the melting metal catch the building on fire? He could have just set the building on fire but instead he wanted molten metal to slowly catch it on fire. Seriously. The molten metal is so random that it’s funny. IT LITERALLY HAS NO PURPOSE TO BE THERE EXCEPT TO DESTROY MULAN’S SWORD AND IT’S SO LAZY. I thought that Bhori Khan was going to pour molten metal down the emperor’s throat, because that happened in history before. But no. The metal is just randomly there. Then Mulan and Bhori Khan fight. The end fight is literally the fight in the blacksmith shop in Pirates of the Caribbean but in a building. Melting metal? Check. Balancing on the rafters? Check. Sword fight? Check. Characters launching themselves up and grabbing onto said rafters? Check. In the end, to kill Bhori Khan, the emperor grabs an arrow and uses Mulan for an assist combo kill. He literally tosses her an arrow so she can kick it. It was really stupid. The end where Mulan returns home is okay. That’s it.

The humor was not great. The one lighthearted, “funny” scene was that of Mulan getting ready for the Matchmaker, and it felt really out of place. There were some fun moments, but not much. One of the “jokes” was when one of the characters, a young, innocent boy started crying at the beginning of training. To me, this was a really relatable moment. This kid had been forced to leave home and had to train very hard under the impending threat of death. Anyone might have cried in that moment. Then the general went “Is he crying?” like that was ridiculous. It was supposed to be a joke, but that moment was literally the most connected I ever felt to any character and they made it out like his crying was stupid. I felt attacked. This movie had very little personality. The characters had very little personality. They weren’t relatable in the slightest, and when they were, they were shunned for it. Any of the strong characters, like Mulan, were special and basically had magic. It was a decent action movie, but it tried too hard to remind fans of the original. If they had tried to make it their own war movie about a girl who had to hide her skills and overcome the sexism of Ancient China while fighting in a war against a witch, it could have been okay. However, they tried to include scenes from the original that didn’t work with the tone or concept. For instance, Mulan creates an avalanche by tricking enemy soldiers into shooting a catapult at her. This shows that she might be smart, but she doesn’t think about using the terrain to her advantage when fighting the witch. She could have broken the ground, or at the very least hidden in the steam around her and used surprise. The avalanche scene is the only scene where Mulan uses her smarts, and it’s only in the movie because it was in the original. Basically Disney tried to fuse their vision with enough scenes from the original to keep fans happy. It did not work. The only sad scenes were the ones that were supposed to be funny, and the sad and dark scenes were actually pretty hilarious. The end result? Disney lost $130 million.

#movies #movie review #mulan #mulan 2020 #disney #disney live action

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megucarecord · 4 years

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Rating Genshin Impact Character Designs (Pt. 1)

Hey y’all! I’ve been thinking of doing this for a really long time and I decided to finally stop being lazy and do it. So this is going to be a review of all the playable characters in Genshin Impact from a design perspective. I don’t really have any prerequisites to make this list worth anything (unless you count one year of a fashion/sewing class in high school lol) but hey idk, seems fun?

Gonna be super long (10 characters) so putting everything under the cut.

Disclaimer: I don’t actually hate any of these designs, nor do I consider my opinions “fixing” them, this is just for fun.

Character: Lumine

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this design. The hair and basic build are fine, very generic but that’s unsurprising for any character that is working at least partially as a pseudo self-insert. The color scheme is also very bland - and is one of the reasons I originally thought that Aether was automatically Geo traveler and Lumine was Anemo traveler. I think that adding more colors would’ve been a good thing, but also would’ve required a revamp of the dress itself, so maybe not the most practical thing, even if I think the dress is a bit too busy. The biggest changes I would make would be to get rid of the fancy part of her stockings as well as the extra flow/ruffled back of the skirt, which is just a bit too much considering the top layer of the skirt is already quite detailed (in a very nice way) and that could’ve just been extended. I also have to admit that though the scarf is very impractical and showy, but it reminds me of a costume from a series I like so I actually like it a lot, although you could definitely term it unnecessary.

Rating: 7/10

Character: Aether

Okay ngl this character design kinda slaps. Firstly, I love that Aether has long hair, it’s a good contrast to Lumine’s cut (and contrast should be super important with characters that are siblings/parallels of one another) and idk long braids are kinda cool. I love that the outfit has distinctive colors, which give the character personality and keeps him from being washed out. The design is much more streamlined than Lumine’s, and although I’m not a huge fan of midrifts (a theme in this post I’m sorry) there’s not actually much I’d change in this design. Except maybe make the cape a scarf to better match with Lumine. This is definitely the superior design in terms of the siblings in my opinion and I think the lack of intricacy fits the image of “traveler” better. It’s not my favorite and there isn’t anything that really stands out in the design, but it’s really solid and I like it.

Rating: 9/10

Character: Albedo

This design has a lot of potential, but I think in the end it’s just a bit too busy (which will be a theme in this game haha). I like the hair - in general I’m glad Genshin isn’t scared to try a bunch of different lengths and styles on guys because if not everything would become painfully boring. I also like the clothes for the most part. The boots are especially sleek, and I like that despite being a Geo character they gave Albedo a bluer, darker color scheme. I think it fits with his mysterious sort of quietly menacing vibe (this man is Frankensteining something I know it). But it really starts to get a bit too much with the coat. I think he needed a coat, again it fits the character, he’s in the middle of a frozen tundra and he’s also a magic scientist man, he needs some sort of coat. But I think the chain and the strap across the front is a bit too much. If I were the designers I would’ve continued with a sleeker theme, make the sleeves longer, the gloves shorter, if you wanted some ornamentation maybe a pack of vials on his belt. Overall very good design, greater color scheme, too busy. Also can we appreciate his banner art? It’s so good I love it.

Rating: 8/10

Character: Amber

Okay first I’m gonna say her card art is super cute. Love the pose, love the style. All gut. Now let me say that this outfit had potential but then it sorta... fell flat. I like the color scheme for the most part, except the white cause idk white is boring and in the game it looks kinda latexy, but I understand wanting three colors and black might be too close to brown. That being said, I hate stockings. Stockings are just the worst, they’re impractical, hard to put on, uncomfortable, should only be worn with dresses. No knight of Favonius needs stockings. Might I suggest pants or shorts? Or like cool pseudo armor plates like with Lumine. Also though I do like the jacket and the leather stomacher design, I think a bomber jacket might suit the character better, because idk they’re cool and they make me think of Amelia Earheart, although that’s such a culturally distinct thing I can’t blame them for not thinking that way. Again the jacket is still very cool, love the stomacher, and love the cuffs.. The belt is lovely and like I said love the embossed designs, but ultimately this design is too impractical, and too bland to get away with being impratical for me. So... yeah.

Rating: 5/10

Character: Barbara

Barbara! Our fav crazy nun. First I’m gonna thank her for having an attack of pure magic then I’m gonna say I hate the color white apparently because I also didn’t like it here. I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be a novice (could be wrong), so I’d flip the colors, have the accents be white and the main color navy. But idk that’s just me. Overall I quite like her design. It’s a pretty good balance between simple and detailed. I don’t even hate the stockings. I’d say the least good part is the top, the bow and the weird collar is just... ehh? but I don’t think getting rid of the collar would help though. I’d say ditch the bow, make the dress connect to the collar, keep the off the shoulders cold sleeves. I really like the ruffled part of the top skirt. Idk it’s the best part of the design. The hat makes her look like a nurse not a nun though. maybe make the hair ties for the ponytails little veils, might fit better. Overall mostly nitpicks, it’s a strong design.

Rating: 8/10

Character: Beidou

Firstly I’d like to apologize to the Beidou I pulled before never using her (forgive me ily); next I’d like to admit I don’t love her design. I haven’t really harped on the lack of armor on these characters - because I’m not sure how I’d integrate armor into all them without making them bland af, no one wants people running around in full plate armor how tf you supposed to climb in that - but I still wouldn’t’ve put her in a leotard and boots only when she’s a canonical fighter, without even the armor accents on most of the other character. I know that traditional qipao would probably be terrible to fight in, so I’m not going to complain about them slitting it - I actually quite like it I think it’s cool and sleek and fits her vibe - but I will complain about them putting her in a leotard underneath. As someone who dances I can assure you no one in their right mind would want to fight in a leotard, which yes I know isn’t the point and I can’t blame them for not thinking that way. Anyways, I think leggings/stockings and tall boots are quite cool so that’s prolly what I’d do, streamlines the whole design too, gives it a sense of connectivity (idk I’m weird and I don’t look at this character often so yeah). I like the top of her design, although I’d prolly replace the fur on the cap with a large collar, sort of pirate-y or Navy-like. Also let me just say I love the hair and eye patch. Fits her reckless sort of character to hate her hair whipping around, and the eyepatch really sells the concept of her having fought for years. The hand guards didn’t need to be flared, but I don’t mind them being there. Especially since handling a Claymore would definitely rip up your hands if you didn’t have protection. Also the boots though impractical are very cool so... yeah.

Rating: 6/10

Character: Bennett

One of my main team and prolly the closest thing I currently have to a DPS I have conflicting opinions on Bennett’s design. I think it’s a pretty good design all things considered. His belt and all his packs would be busy if you didn’t know Bennett’s character, but considering he’s a wanna be adventurer, I think it works pretty well. Although I don’t know why his extra belt straps are so long... or even exist?? Idk kinda weird. His top is... ehh? I don’t really like it, I think partially because I don’t think Bennett would wear a midrift shirt like this (midrifts where there shouldn’t be midrifts or, as I like to call it, being MagiReco-d) and partially cause the color, though understandable in such a busy design, is kinda bland. I think that’s why the collar works instead of being too busy, we needed some color. If I had to changed the design I’d get rid of the midrift and get rid of those weird extra belt things. Also that one random dagger star thing on one side of his blue collar is just so weird and random and like why does it exist? But overall I like the design, and it doesn’t bug me when I’m playing with him. I think it’s a good example of how busyness can accurately portray a character. Well done.

Rating: 8/10

Character: Chongyun

Another character who I own but have never played, though my friend has him on their main team and they look super cool. I’m not gonna lie I love this character’s design. Firstly the color palette is so good, the white feels like it works to offset all the blue hues - which I love that even the darkest parts of his design are blue not black - so it doesn’t feel bland or irritating, especially with the gold giving it a sense of luxury. I also like the choice to have a tunic that extends to the pants, I think having only white pants would be too bland - again white it a meh color for designs - so it really gives it some necessary details and color. I also like the jacket, again it gives the design a sense of detail while being simple enough not to feel like too much. Also I have no idea what the outfit would look like without the jacket and I have a feeling that answer would be Not Good, so... yeah. Some nitpicks; the left arm band thingie golden cuff is kinda too much and seems impractical and irritating. And... that’s it. I know the slippers are impractical, but I think they work, he is an exorcist not an adventurer after all. Overall, probably second favorite design in the game. Great job

Rating: 10/10

Character: Diluc

Give Diluc a high ponytail, I’m begging you. Lol anyways personal preference aside (which is impossible this entire post is personal preference) I like this design. I think the color works and the whole outfit is a good reflection of Diluc’s character, closed off, luxurious while also a bit ragged and uncontrollable. Yeah. I like it. I do think the thing chain accessory is kinda random, and I don’t think there’s anything about the design that knocks me off my feet, but I do really love the design overall. Also the gloves, good gloves. Suggestions? High ponytailed Diluc. Nothing else. Also though he’s not in this post I like that this outfit is very streamlined and simple compared to Kaeya, it’s a good portrayal of their differing views and opinions through fashion. Because unlike with the traveller siblings I think these brothers have a dynamic where contrast is better than parallel.

Rating: 9/10

Character: Diona

Okay so though I’ve never interacted with this character I skimmed the wiki and I love her backstory it’s hilarious. Also since I never interact with her I don’t have many opinions about her design except why does she only have one sock on? Honestly relatable moments. I think the extra ponytail is kinda weird and excessive considering the hat and I’d prolly make the hair orange to match the ears but overall very cute design. What do bartenders look like? Idk. Oh and also there are a bit too many colors roaming around, but I get it. Overall fairly generic but kinda cute. I still think midrifts are bad.

Rating: 7/10

And that’s it! I hope this didn’t come off as “lol these designs are gross and I’m superior and we should fix them” because no. No one should take any of these suggestions seriously. Except maybe the ponytail one lol. Anyways I hope at least one person likes this cause this took forever and I kinda burned out after a while. Next post if I make it will be interesting cause it includes my least favorite design. May you all have lovely playing and if you love a design I don’t honestly more power to you. Bye!!

#idk this is so random #plz don't hate me #genshin impact #not magia record #long post #mine

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applekitty · 4 years

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psmd rewritten expedition society character things

ampharos:

used to have a kid who liked to explore mystery dungeons. key word being used to

his kid isnt DEAD you guys its a pokemon game. that mf’er is lost and he cant find them

this is derived from when in chapter 12 or so partner and hero are being talked about by mawile and ampharos, and mawile says to keep a close eye on them and ampharos says something to the likes of ‘dont worry i wont let it happen again’ or whatever

was actually VERY resistant to hero and partner joining the society, unlike in the game. only when hero and partner save him from the poliwrath brothers does he reconsider this.

his clumsiness and ease of getting lost basically translates to him taking forever on dungeons. he’s a character who just does ‘whatever he wants’ in terms of ai on floors. the rest of the society tries not to resent him for wandering off so often, but it sometimes leads to tension in particularly challenging dungeons.

mawile:

has lived / second or first hand experienced all previous pmd games. she knows exactly what happened from rescue team to gti and she does not want to see it happen again. because of her trauma, she’s a bit more shut off and calculated about things. she usually uses tough love to communicate that she really, REALLY cares about people and doesnt want them to get hurt.

can you tell my mental illness is showing

mawile is an ex-dungeon mon. she was born and raised in a dungeon and was recruited into a rescue team and lived in a friend area up until the rescue team disbanded and she decided she want to go her own.

her love for archeology is inspired a lot by the fact that she just generally wants to know more about the world around her. she thinks the better she can understand natural disasters of the past, the better she can help handle the ones in the future or the present.

buizel:

ex-pirate turned guild member. quagsire (from gti) fixed him up REAL good after he was done with him. he still retains a cartoonish accent, and also likes to talk about the ‘good ol days’ out on the sea with his pals.

buizel doesn’t actually like the kids. like at ALL. he thinks they’re a chore and he’s CONSTANTLY on their case for even like, EXISTING in the society. the few times he’s not complaining about these kids is when he’s flat out ignoring them

this is resolved when they beat up entei for him. only somewhat though, then his respect is gotten but he’s still a bit rough and grumpy around the edges

bunnelby:

the most boring of the group. grew up in a underground society (like, actually underground not unknown) at a normal house with normal parents. he decided to be a geologist because like, what else are you gonna be, y’know?

probably the least chaotic and well adjusted person in the entire society, but that’s mostly because he was really sheltered. his mental health is okay.. for now

swirlix:

the same bc swirlix is just like that lol

dedenne:

MAD SCIENTIST AESTHETIC!!! WHERES THE TESLA COILS!???

has been working off the grid for most of her life, but now that she’s with the society her research on cross-world communication has EXPLODED. she is the creator of the pokemon nexus, the communication orb, and a lot of the gadgets! if something needs fixing, you either come to her or you go and find jirachi

she and jirachi get into a LOT of fights over who’s smarter of the two of them. she asserts that her engineering is pushing the boundary of modern technology, while he says that he could run circles around her in his sleep.

it’s a healthy rivalry, and it keeps the both of them preoccupied and constantly trying to one-up eachother. which means lots of progress on new inventions

jirachi:

jirachi, after being wished on by bidoof, had the idea of coming out more into public. he was moved by bidoof’s heart, and after sleeping on it, decided to move in with the society so he could do more than just grant wishes and sleep.

he has a strong connection with stars, and ever since he moved in with the society, he’s been more well in contact with legendary and mythical pokemon than ever before. he doesnt like to talk about his relationship with other legendaries very much, mostly because he’s an introvert. he just doesn’t have a lot to say

he cannot use wishes on himself. no matter how much he tries. someone else has to wish on him, and even then, it’s monkey’s paw.

his genius seems to be ‘natural’. he thinks this is because he is a mythical pokemon and has lived for dozens of years. though, he can’t remember most of his life because he was asleep for a lot of it.

#shitpost #psmd

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ijustwant2write · 6 years

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The Tattooed Lady-Tommy Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @necromancersatan)

Masterlist

Summary: requested by anonymous: ‘Dommy tommy Shelby, where readers a bad ass, tattooed female who’s also in a gang but much bigger then the peakys. Tommy has to work harder cuz readers a younger and playful woman ?? x’

Characters: Tommy Shelby x Reader, mentions of other Shelby brothers

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: mentions of violence, mentions of physical/verbal abuse, sexual themes

(A/N: This sort of went in a different direction, but I hope you still like it!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Everyone had heard of the Peaky Blinders, they knew their crooked ways, their sneaky attacks, how they always somehow got away with everything; how everyone feared getting on the wrong side of them, as it would certainly mean your time had come. However, there was another gang that people feared more, so much that no one even dared whisper their name. The women that made up this gang were ruthless, they hadn’t a care in the world, and a person who has nothing to lose is the most dangerous type of person.

Miss (Y/N) was the leader of the ‘Tattooed Ladies’. A very basic name, but a name that stood out nonetheless. It was compiled of only women, no men were ever allowed (unless they were only to stay the night). They were called ‘miss’ then their first name as they were not going to be forced to be tied down to any man, having their name stripped off them; this and the fact that they were all mostly banished from their families, having casted shame upon the name. Slowly, these bold ladies had found each other, forming a family and business at the same time. As they started opening up about their lives, they realised that in some way, they had been effected by family members and/or men, and because they were female, it meant that they took the blame. Everyone had heard of hit-men, but had anyone heard of hit-women? Not until the Tattooed Ladies.

At first, Tommy Shelby had paid no mind to this gang of women. He had dealt with many others before, and these were women, so why should he be afraid? This was before he was informed that one of his men had been brutally beaten, leaving him unable to work for weeks, as well as losing sight in one eye and a few fingers. These women went against what society had informed them to do, and to show that, they inked their arms with whatever they wanted. This would make them easy to find, hardly any women had tattoos. What he couldn’t work out was why a gang just outside of London would randomly attack one of his own. He hadn’t pissed them off in any way, was this a threat?

John grimaced as him and his older brothers walked through the slums of London. It was dirty, smelly, and the people looked desperate. He knew his upbringing wasn’t the best, but this was downright horrible. It made him think about what these women would look like. He imagined almost pirate looking women; scruffy hair, non-feminine features, maybe one would have a eye patch. They squeezed down an alley way, coming up to an unusually bright red door. Arthur knocked loudly, standing back as they waited for a reply. As the three Shelby’s waited for a burly looking woman to answer, they were pleasantly surprised when a beautiful red head answered.

“Miss (Y/N)?” Tommy asked after clearing his throat.

“No, ain’t me. Guessing you’re the Shelby lot?” She bluntly stated, her cockney accent strong.

“Yes.”

“She’s expecting you.”

John and Arthur glanced at each other as their brother stepped forward, following the red head. The building was an old, abandoned theatre, though it was brightly lit, various types of women lounging around on the plush sofas, as well as the bar. They all stared as they strolled through, the only noise was the soft music playing in the background as well as the creaking of the floor boards. There were different looking women all over the place; different ethnicity's, different builds, different hair. The only thing they had in common were their vast amount of tattoos, and the intense glare they all held. As the red head guided the men up the stage, they laid their eyes on a younger lady, sat at a desk, counting money.

“Thank you Sherry. Here, take everyone’s pay and hand them out.” She handed the rolls of notes to Sherry, but not before she stated,“And make sure to hand it out easily this time.”

Sherry winked, before sauntering off, doing as she was told. Tommy smirked as his eyes went back to the lady at the desk, approaching her slowly.

“Miss (Y/N), it seems you’ve got a good run going here.” He started.

“Mr Shelby, what a pleasure to meet you. I assume you’ve come here about that worker of yours?” She replied, not looking at them, instead focusing her attention on signing forms on her desk.

“Yes. Do you mind if we sit?” he gestured to the non existent chairs in front of them.

“If you would like to pull up your own chairs, be my guest.”

The brothers all shared a look, realising that this woman didn’t take shit from anybody. Tommy wanted to be careful about this, he did not need another war on his hands.

“Look,” (Y/N) set down her pen, leaning back in her chair and finally making eye contact,“I’m sorry about your employee. But it had to be done.”

“Why?”

“Because he hurt one of my girls. A long time ago.”

“What did he do?”

“That’s not my story to tell. He’s lucky that he only got a few injuries.”

“A few injuries? He’s lost his eyesight and three fingers!” John wasn’t sure of this woman, but he felt anger in this moment.

“He lost his sight in one eye.”

John snarled at her, not believing his ears. What angered him more was the lustful look in Tommy’s eyes as he stared at her, scoffing as he realised this was not going to be resolved.

Tommy walked to the edge of the stage, surveying the place around him.“This is quite an establishment you’re running, miss (Y/N).”

“Thank you. I know it’s not as fancy as your betting store but it’s safe and warm, that’s all that matters.”

“You’ve got quite the reputation too. I just don’t understand why this couldn’t be resolved between us.”

“Because it had nothing to do with you. I understand why you’re pissed off but I was not going to involve anyone else.”

“I would have preferred-”

“I would prefer for my girls and I to not be hassled every day, but here we are.”

“Is that what this feels like?”

She said nothing, rising from her chair and standing in front of Tommy, holding her hands together behind her back. She didn’t need this today, their day had been long enough.

“It would seem that your men have been coming onto our turf since the incident. It has nothing to do-”

“One of their men have been threatened, been attacked, they’re going to want to intimidate you.”

“Have they not heard the stories about us?” one woman shouted out, others laughing or cheering with her.“You Peaky Blinders need to learn that women are not to be messed with.”

“Girls, that’s enough. I’m sure they’re aware of what we’re capable of by now.”

“Yes, which is why I have a proposition for you.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve seen what you do, you know what I do. We shouldn’t have any bad blood between us.”

“Tommy, she set her gang on one of our men!” John exclaimed.

“Nevertheless, she believes that there was good reason to.”

“She believes that.”

“Yes, but with the Tattooed Ladies increasing, perhaps it’s time we take a step forward and listen to them.”

(Y/N) scoffed.“Oh, how very thoughtful of you.”

“What I mean to say is that times are changing; I’m sure you’re happy about that. I want to end this feud before it even starts.” Tommy held out his hand for her to shake, eyes locked with hers.

(Y/N) crossed her arms over her chest, a sudden idea popping into her head.“Alright Mr Shelby, I have a suggestion.”

He retracted his hand, intrigued.

“I want to come and see how this whole Peaky Blinders business works. See the non-refined side of the Shelby’s. In return I’ll think about a truce.”

“You’ll ‘think about it’?” Arthur piped up.

She faced him.“Yes, depending on how you influence that decision.”

Tommy liked the etiquette to this woman. He liked the surprise of them all being proper ladies, despite the fact that they were brandished with tattoos and had formed a gang, beating up anyone who dared threaten them. It was different, it was dangerous...it was sexy. Tommy held out his hand again, a small smile appearing on his face as she shook it. John’s nostrils flared as he watched the interaction, Arthur staying silent and expressionless, still not knowing what to think of these ladies surrounding him; his Linda would definitely have something to say about it.

A week later, (Y/N) and two of her girls (Sherry and Ruth), found themselves in the middle of Small Heath, taking in the dark, grim atmosphere. They leaned against a house opposite the betting shop, watching as men flooded in and out, some coming back out happy, others infuriated. (Y/N) had never been one for betting, she didn’t want to take the risk, so why would men waste their money endlessly to just lose it all?

A younger looking lad exited the shop, sporting the peaky hat. The women watched as he walked up to them, all of them sharing a knowing look as they saw the intimidation on his face.

“Uh, you Miss (Y/N)?” he asked.

“Yep. What’s your name?” she asked.

“Finn Shelby.”

“Another one, hm? Guessing your brother sent you out here?”

“Yes. He’s wondering why you’re out here.”

“I guess that was a little rude. Come on ladies, let’s see what they have in store for us.”

Finn lead them inside, not quite believing his eyes when he first saw the Tattooed Ladies. As did all the other men in the shop, no one caring if the women caught them. But this didn’t bother (Y/N) or her girls, because they knew they could take out any one of them in a second. (Y/N) held up a hand to the girls, signalling for them to stay as she headed towards Tommy’s office. Finn opened the door for her, scurrying out as he closed it. Smiling to herself, she wondered if the young man would ever turn out like his brothers.

“Is it as nice on the outside as it is on the inside?” He asked, smoking a cigarette.

(Y/N) sat on the chair opposite his desk, looking up at him.“Yes actually.”

“Why didn’t you come in straight away? We were waiting.”

“Wanted to check out the place, get a feel for everything.”

“I see you brought company. Were all those women in London part of your gang?”

“No, there’s more us of, more than you actually.” she stood back up again, inspecting the room as she walked around.

Tommy watched her, slowly coming to stand behind her, trapping her between him and the bookshelf. He knew that she was a powerful woman, but he was a powerful man. (Y/N) intrigued him like no other woman had before, and he craved her ever since he laid eyes on her. However, she was also a difficult person to read, though instead of making Tommy frustrated, it made him want to work harder for her.

“Is that so? Think you could take over the Peaky Blinders?”

(Y/N) knew his game, and she wanted to play.

“Why? You scared Mr Shelby?” subtly tilting her hips backwards, she bit her lip as she came into contact with his crotch, feeling the rhythm of his breath change.

“On the contrary,” grabbing her hips, he whipped her around to face him, pinning her harder into the bookshelf,“I don’t want just a truce, I want a partnership.”

“I said I would think about the truce.”

“Think about how powerful we could be. With us working together, more ground could be covered.”

Their piercing eyes stared at each other, lustful tension building up inside them.

“Mr Shelby,” she straightened her back, making him step away slightly,“I don’t think my women would be happy with a partnership.”

“And why not? What is it about men that you all hate so much?”

“Remember when I said that I couldn’t tell you why we attacked your man? Well it was because they used to be together, a happy couple at first until he turned nasty. For some reason he changed, he started locking her up in their own home, forbidding her to go out unless he gave her permission. She was a prisoner, tortured whenever he came home and didn’t do as he asked. And all my other girls, they were somehow abused. Shelly was beaten up by her brother because she was ‘too loud’ and ‘disobedient’; and Ruth, she was thrown out of her home when she became ‘unladylike’. She’s the reason we’re called the Tattooed Ladies, it’s a clear sign of who we are and what we stand for. We won’t let men control us, and for those who can’t defend themselves, we do it for them.”

“And you? What happened to you?”

(Y/N) hesitated, realising that anger was evident all over her face. She hated what had happened to her gang, that was her whole reason for starting it, the tattoos just helped with their image, as well as portray their stories and feelings.

“My mother and father wanted me to marry a man much older than I, try to bring some money into the family. When I refused, and after the biggest argument known to man, I ran away. A part of me hoped that they would come looking after me, but one night when I decided to return, I saw them happily sitting in our drawing room, laughing with each other; it was as if they had never had a daughter in the first place.”

Tommy was shocked that she was opening up this much. He was ready to be met with a stoned faced refusal, having a backup plan to persuade her to make deal. But with this new information, he had a feeling that this might be easier than he thought. Maybe she realised that this would benefit her.

“A man took me in. He seemed so lovely, so charitable. I stayed with him nearer the city, got a job in a grocers, it was perfect. I never loved him, only as a friend anyway. But then he kept bringing around these friends of his. Sometimes they would stay for drinks, maybe dinner, then leave. It went on for weeks, and more and more different men came in. One night I had just got ready for bed when he knocked on my door, around five men standing behind him as he walked in. Turns out he wanted to use me for sex, an easy way to make money. I was lucky to get out of there without a single one touching me. That was the first time I killed someone.”

(Y/N)’s eyes showed deep pain, she was reflecting on what had happened, an incredibly painful past. Tommy wasn’t sure what to say, not always good with his words. (Y/N) took in a deep breath, a tight lipped smile on her face.

“But I don’t let it effect me, or bring me down. I won’t let it effect anything, not even the sex; it’s not something I need to be scared of, it’s something I do for fun.”

“That’s good to know.” he smirked, liking that she didn’t let the past get the best of her.“Now I want you to think very carefully about my proposition. We can help one another, there aren’t any cons to this.”

“Aren’t any cons? Aren’t we both technically con men?”

“You know what I mean.”

“You realise I can’t make a decision right this second. I need to discuss with my girls.”

“Of course.”

“But it was lovely to see you again Mr Shelby.”

She brushed past him, heading towards the door.

“Leaving already?”

“Unfortunately, business never stops, though you should know that.”

He nodded, not breaking eye contact.

“But I look forward to seeing you again, very soon.”

She left the door wide open as she exited, giving Tommy a view of her from behind. He watched as the rest of the men ogled the three women walking out, all of them erupting into chatter as they left. Miss (Y/N) was one heck of a woman, and he would be damned if he couldn’t seal this deal.

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby imagines #tommy shelby one shot #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinders x reader #bbc #bbc peaky blinders #peaky blinders bbc

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shanxy180 · 5 years

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guess who made an entire cast of characters(?) that are related to each boss ghosts somehow.. It’s mee

Though I’m kind of thinking of changing some designs but thats for another day bc this took forever fsndjkfnskj

snkjfnsd Anyway, yea I made a couple good kids/teenagers that are all related to the lm3 bosses, information about each kiddo below..!

Sadie - The cousin of Steward, younger by a couple years. Perhaps 17-19 years old. - Acts like a mix of both “responsible adult” and “nervous teenager that doesn’t know what they’re doing”. - She’s responsible, likes to plan ahead and is hard working, but when faced with something new or unfamiliar she cracks and nervously tries to get through it. - She originally wanted to go to nursing school, but couldn’t pursue it due to her death. - Died via car accident, she was crossing the road when a vehicle suddenly lost control and ran her over.

Claude - The son of Chambrea, somewhere around 14-15 years old. - The quiet, kind hearted (former) mama’s boy that’s nervous but tries his best. - Has picked up the habit of nibbling on things while lost in thought. - Can act very nervous and shy around people, - He’s jolly and loves to giggle and chuckle, ends up in a 2 minute giggling fit if something really makes him laugh. And really likes to make other people laugh. - Also likes to hug people he enjoys, or at least let people know that he cares about them, if he’s not being sheepish.

Korey - The daughter/child of Kruller, 16 years old. - Is a huge dork, obsessed with comic books and cartoons, sometimes for video games and movies. - When not nervous about her interest and around people, she likes to ramble about her topics and get really deep into discussions about her interests. And often gets passionate when speaking. - Has a fear of bats, loves the color purple, she’s a bit of a sensitive person, snorts when they laugh, and likes to collect marbles and coins they find.

Alexandre Soulfflé - The son of Chef Soulfflé, around 17 years old. - Kind of an awkward and bitter guy, dripping with sarcasm and a bit of sass. - He’s a decent cook, knows a couple recipes and some of the things he makes can actually be super tasty. - He also has a weak spot for animals, loves to draw, knows a lot of french vocabulary, has a slight accent and is just the smallest bit touch starved. - Though he’s insecure about a couple things about himself, and prefers to keep some things a secret.

Thomas Wolfgeist - The son of Amadeus Wolfgeist, somewhere around 16-17 years old. - A grumpy, sarcastic guy, not really that sociable but at the same time lowkey wants friends, and is slightly emotionally distant. - Has a temper, although not as bad as his fathers, he can still snap and yell at people who frustrate and/or annoy him for long periods. - Likes attention and receiving compliments, not too big on criticism but will take that to improve if he must. - Plays piano very well, knows a couple songs but can’t play overly complicated or fast ones. - Has a mild fear of bugs, not so much when on the ground or distant from him but absolutely hates when one is crawling on him, also knows how to speak german, but he rarely does.

Queen/Princess Drew MacFrights - The daughter of King Macfrights, 17 years old. - Has a fiery and aggressive personality, loves to have battles and being active overall. Is decently strong and a good leader, but rarely ever thinks before doing or saying things and is impulsive. - She’s also stubborn, doesn’t think much on what other people feel, and can be ignorant at times. But, she still cares for a lot for her friends and family, knows when to tone down her edge (sometimes), and can be a supportive and lovely friend. - Is really good with weapons and fighting in general, she’s decently strong and knows how to defend herself.

Fiona Potter - The granddaughter of Dr. Potter, around 15-16 years old - Is a really sweet and caring girl, loves to make others happy and is overall very understanding and friendly, but also is a doormat and can’t tell when someone’s her friend or is taking advantage of her. - Loves plants as much as her grandfather, used to have a small venus flytrap/piranha plant like flower that she took care of but has sadly been overwatered by a house sitter at the time. - Is a part time bookworm, and has a book on plant care on her and even though she has read it hundreds of times, it’s still a very good pass time.

Micheal - The son of Morty, around 16-17 years old. - Has a very passionate and caring personality, he loves to be dramatic and give scenarios a certain flair. - Always has his notebook and sketchbook on him, along with a couple supplies, he loves to write notes and sometimes doodle about stuff he sees, experiences, etc. - Basically very creatively driven and is very jolly, although naive. - Is a very good actor, loves to watch movies and sometimes dreams of being able to record things he’s done and make some “vlogs” of himself for fun.

Oogh - Daughter of Ug, 17 years old. - Grumpy and judgemental of everything and everyone she sees, though if gained her trust, she’ll only be grumpy. With the slightest hint of sass. - New thing? Must smash. New person? Must be danger, must smash. Always keeps her wood club with her for smashing. - Barely knows english, but understands body language and facial expressions enough to know when people aren’t gonna harm her. - Prefers to be left alone, being used to it for a long time. But has since grown a little bit sociable after meeting the others.

Cathy - Youngest niece of Clem, 15-16 years old. - Very outgoing and very friendly, laid back and carefree but also wouldn’t hesitate to gently bully her friends or roughhouse for a bit. - Had at least 3 other brothers and 1 sister, she’s younger than all of them by a couple years. - Has enough sense to know when something’s a bad idea but will still do it for a dare or simply for fun. - Sometimes acts difficult on purpose and likes to annoy people for fun, but of course she knows when to stop and actually try to be helpful. - “Cathy” is actually short for “Catherine”, but she thought that sounded too boring so she mostly goes by the nickname.

Atuumb - The son of Serpci, around 17 years old. - Acts like a serious, no funny business and dull kind of person, but is actually a pretty chill and calm guy, he loves to make friends, talk to people, he’s very curious and loves to figure out new things. Though if his buttons are pushed too far he can get upset. - Even found his prince/king status pretty boring, and having to act like a stuffy, refined and pretty formal person, always busy and secretly getting stressed. Lowkey he’s super glad he’s out of that situation - But still, he keeps that sense of responsibility, even in death he still feels the need to be responsible for something or to keep busy/distracted. - Has a love/hate feeling for “Life or Death” scenarios, traps, etc. On one hand it’s super fun but on the other he doesn’t want anyone actually getting hurt or killed.

Ebony Fishook - Daughter of Captain Fishook, around 16-17 years old. - Acts mostly like a feral pirate, being raised by pirates/sharks in the middle of the sea, stealing, pillaging, and mostly eating raw fish and drinking milk. - She loves to use her sharp mouth on things, such as biting things she’s not supposed to eat (tables, chairs, etc.) - She’s not much of a cook, or can clean all that well, being used to having others cook and do stuff for her. But, she can hunt for her own food, she has a great sense of direction, knows how to handle a blunderbuss and a sword. - She’s rather excitable, and barely knows proper etiquette. But is very sociable, and just as long as you don’t upset or offend her, there’s a good chance she’ll want to be your friend.

Justin Deepend - Nephew of Johnny Deepend, 16 years old - He’s a pretty friendly and energetic kid, always eager to help and loves to get himself moving. Though since he can be so carefree he sometimes comes off as aggressive or uncaring. - Is a bit self centered, competitive, and often doesn’t know his own strength, he also isn’t that bright. But, again! His heart is in the right place, and he’s always willing to make people happy. - Has tried a variety of different sports but his two main ones were soccer and volleyball. Soccer was when he was much younger (around 7 years old), and volleyball when he was starting out in middle school.

DJ Tony - The son of Dj Phantasmagloria (or simply Gloria), around 16-17 years old. - Although he can get sentimental, he’s a pretty joyful and overall chill guy. He’s laid back, and takes things to stride. He’s very caring and sympathetic, a total softy. - A huge sucker for music, any kind will do, just as long as it has a groovy beat and it’s something he can bop to. Sometimes loses himself in the music and ends up dancing to the song, totally unaware of everything. - Despite being only a teenager, and him constantly having headphones around him, he’s a pretty good listener, so he’s nice to vent too and he even sometimes gives decent advice.

Hector Gravely - The eldest son of Hellen Gravely, 17 years old. - Is a huge fashionista, and loves to try on different outfits.. When he can. - He’s a pretty quiet, albeit friendly character, when not in a bad mood, he can be clever and a pretty good friend. - Is a bit of a spoiled bitch, he’s mostly used to being pampered and having other people do his things. Being complimented and having lots of money. All that.

#Luigi's Mansion 3 #shanxart #Luigi's Mansion 3 relative au

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puppyluver256 · 5 years

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Underworld Ultimatum: The Quest for the Hottest Hades

So I mentioned in a previous big text post that I have some Very Strong Opinions on the interpretation of Greek god Hades shown in Disney’s Hercules film, and now I’m gonna talk about those opinions dammit! But let’s make it a little interesting. I always believe that if you can’t say something nice you shouldn’t say anything at all, so I’m also going to use this as an opportunity to talk about a Hades that I do enjoy. It’s a competition, babey! The Underworld Ultimatum! Or, if you’re preferring to reference a property one of these guys is in, the Hades Cup! (though to be fair this is less of a true competition and more of me showing why I like one and not the other)

First off, it’s the guy who inspired this, give it up foooor...

Disney’s Hades!

First of all, the guy’s design might’ve seemed cool back in the day, but looking back on him he’s kinda bland. Grey toga with accents of other greys, blue deathly pallor, nasty teeth... The flame hair is a pretty good concept, but considering the ancient Greek idea of the underworld probably wasn’t fire-themed I don’t know if it was an appropriate choice. ❌

Speaking of that flame hair, he commits the crime of “blue fire is totally cooler than red fire you guys what is physics?” nonsense. Anyone who puts even the tiniest bit of research in knows that, disregarding chemical compounds that affect flame color, blue flames are hotter than red/orange/yellow flames. Yeah, from an artistic perspective it seems counterintuitive, and blue flames work better with his standard palette, but even with that in consideration they couldn’t’ve made it so his flames turned white when he got angry rather than orange? Lazy... ❌

This is a problem with the Hercules film overall, but this feels like a christianized take on the ancient Grecian pantheon, with a much less horny Zeus in the place of the christian god and Hercules as sort of a Jesus figure. In line with this, Hades is portrayed as an equivalent to Satan and thus is shown to be undeniably evil. This is inaccurate to the actual mythology of Hades, where (and someone with a better scope of Greek mythology can either back me up or refute me on this) he was just a dude who ran the underworld and had no real malicious intent. But of course, a character is themed around death, they have to be a completely irredeemable villain. ❌

AND continuing the villain thing! He ugly, at least according to western society standards and especially compared to the hero and leading lady who are conventionally attractive by those same standards. This is continuing a long Disney tradition that a villain should be ugly. He’s evil, thus he doesn’t get to visit the dentist. ❌

His goals are basically just the same as every other villain, take over the world with some big strong brutes that are locked away by a supposedly benevolent horndog. Well, specifically Olympus, but considering that’s where the gods live and his brief rule subjugates the GODS, if he’d been in the head for longer he’d basically rule the world. Boring, bland, think of something else for once. Or at least have a good reason other than “I’m the villain, world domination for me!” ❌

There’s no real satisfying tension between him as a villain and the hero! His initial direct action against Hercules happens when he’s an infant (speaking of, dude actively tries to kill an infant), and then the next direct interaction between them is like nearly 20 years later and Herc has no knowledge of who this guy is and how big of a threat he’s been this whole time. Call me crazy, but I feel a villain is more effective when the protag is aware of the threat they pose for longer than just “oh he showed up today and apparently he’s been trying to kill me since I was a baby and now he’s got my girl??? guess he’s a bad guy” ❌

Following this point, there’s no satisfying confrontation between Hades and Herc that works to finish off the conflict between them. The major battle that Herc has against him is mainly against the titans, and iirc the only thing that he does to him in the “grabbing Meg’s soul from the soul pool brb” section is punch him in the face. I don’t remember any direct action that Herc does to cause Hades to fall into his soul pool. ❌

He’s voiced by James Woods, who is a major jerk. I’m not going into detail here as this is already long-winded enough, and Google is free. ❌

He’s got Cerberus, as any good interpretation of Hades should. That’s a plus! ✅ Though this Cerberus seems to be based on the “generic mean dog breed” aesthetic, and also I hated fighting this guy in Kingdom Hearts (the original, not the final mix with updated controls, OOF), which leads me toooo...

The guy THEN proceeds to smear his presence all over nearly every Kingdom Hearts game! Like, you’re not needed! Get out! Leave some room for better Disney villains!!! ❌

So nine bads, one good, and that “good” only comes from me liking dogs.

Next up, we have a more recent contender to the Hades mythos in modern media. Showing up outta nowhere in the first entry into a classic series for 21 years, let’s bring our hands together fooooor...

Kid Icarus Uprising’s Hades!

First off...look at this man. Look at this man! Hell yeah that is my aesthetic! Look at all the chaotic colors, the wild anime-esque hair, aaaaa! Amazing design! I would ask someone to get me the name of Uprising’s character designer so I can shake their hand and tell ‘em they did a wonderful job on the Hades look, but they’re probably Japanese and I don’t know a lick of it. Maybe someone at NoA could pass on my compliments... ✅

He does have a flame head form at some point with blue flames, but it doesn’t become red to show his anger so there’s no more of a violation of physics then the rest of his insides are. ✅ And that’s the real problem I have with Disney’s Hades for this particular point, if you’re going to violate physics at least have some damn fun with it instead of just thinking that cooler fire is hotter just because it’s made of warmer colors.

While this Hades is also irredeemably evil, there’s no weird christ-washing of Greek mythology going on here, because the Japanese generally don’t do that sort of thing when throwing a bunch of other culture’s mythologies together. Sure, Kid Icarus includes a lot of Greek mythology elements (Medusa, Thanatos, Pandora, arguably Palutena being based on Athena, among others), but it also incorporates a lot of original elements, such as the Forces of Nature who are not based on any specific Greek gods, the Chaos Kin, the Aurum, freaking space pirates?! And in regards to the Aurum, this Hades is able to put differences aside in order to help the other factions around at the time defeat the Aurum so there’s that! ...though he’s not exactly the best team player, hehehe... ✅

While he does show up out of nowhere after the defeat of the initially perceived villain, Medusa, once he debuts Hades is a constant presence. He’s almost always poking his head into the dialogue to taunt Pit, make some quip or joke, flirt with a female character, give a dastardly threat. Everyone’s always aware of exactly what kind of threat he poses! Good villain writing! ✅

But yeah, speaking of that, he does do the whole “initial villain wasn’t the real villain SURPRISE BITCH” thing that I’m not that fond of. Call it lingering resentment from Twilight Princess where Zant was basically thrown away in favor of bringing Ganondorf back. ❌

This Hades also doesn’t seem to have a Cerberus. Twinbellows is a Thing, yes, but they never show up in the same instance in time. The real Twinbellows is dealt with in the first chapter of Uprising, and the fake version of Twinbellows that shows up in chapter 9 is dealt with LONG before Hades reveals himself. ❌

His goal is to use the souls of everyone and everything that’s died to increase the ranks of his army and in the process throw off the natural order of things, which honestly makes sense as a goal for a malevolent death god. It’s helped by the fact that there’s really no one “good” faction in this game, everyone has their own self interests and Palutena’s just the one that’s most kind to humanity and Pit, who is the protag we experience the game’s events through and thus passes on a little of his bias. ✅

Oh, you want satisfying hero/villain confrontation? The boss battle against him takes up a whole chapter and oooohhhh boy is it a good’un. Do yourself a favor and look up the battle on YouTube, or to avoid a lot of spoilers and gain a lot of context, do yourself an even bigger favor and look up Chuggaconroy’s whole Uprising playthrough. The man goes into detail about everything of this game, not just its characters and basic gameplay. ✅

He eats Pit at one point, and then that whole chapter takes place in his innards. Ew. Gross. ❌

He’s voiced by S. Scott Bollock in the English dub and Hōchū Ōtsuka in the Japanese original. I don’t know whether either of ‘em are jerks, but I doubt they’re as bad as James Woods soooooo... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Setting aside cameos like being a spirit in Smash Ultimate, this Hades has only had a significant appearance in a single piece of media. Even though it’s a tad bittersweet, he doesn’t overstay his welcome, unlike another Hades. ✅

That’s 7 goods, 3 bads, and a shrug. The winner is clear! KI Hades is the victor! Or at least it’s obvious that I prefer him over the Disney version. Rant over, thanks for sticking through my ramblin’ goofballery. It was fun at least, right? I had fun. :D

#disney #disney hercules #disney hades #kid icarus #ki hades #jess discusses character stuff #and how differently two different sets of people can interpret the same core concepts

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number9robotic · 6 years

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Untitled Cyberpunk Magical Girl Project characterization prompt response:

Original prompt by @gallusrostromegalus!

OC Recap (left to right):

Suzi: Dance student, part-time magical girl/virtual celebrity, half-stoic, half-upbeat depending on the mood.

Kim: Botanist, semi-retired veteran magical girl and mentor, awkward “cool” mom with baggage.

Crash: Delinquent spirit, first magical girl, currently hyperactive virtual ghost, born troublemaker.

Nano: Rebellious slave class member in hiding, uses magical girl powers for personal investigations, comically deadpan.

HD: Gifted rich girl/conspiracy theorist unknowingly chosen to be a magical girl, quiet but eccentric personality.

A. On a scale of “is occasionally forced to bathe” to “Instagram model with sponsors to hoe for” how involved is your OC’s Skincare routine?

Suzi: She’s a teenage girl, so a bit. Even disregarding her online presence, she’s in the know of cosmetics just to look good to friends.

Kim: Very basic hydration and cleanliness, only gets special treatment if something’s actively acting up.

Crash: Currently doesn’t care due to being a virtual ghost. Didn’t care much in her physical life either except for concerts.

Nano: Very basic cleanliness; she’s very out of the loop of many things, optimal skincare included.

HD: Focused a lot. Part of it is casual access to high-brand cosmetics, part of it is natural obsession with cleanliness.

B. What are your OC’s food preferences (flavors/textures/spiciness/calories/ when and how they eat) and how did they get that way?

Suzi: Has a pretty varied middle-class palate, likes even mix of savory and sweet. Very fond of fish and rice (sushi of course) and sugary drinks (boba, lemon tea).

Kim: Very light diet. Just needs something only mildly flavorful like tea or natto rice she can easily have at work, sometimes forgets to eat in general.

Crash: Likes cheap/instant ramen and other fast foods; grew up on the stuff and hates the taste of “real” food. She also likes things spicy.

Nano: Currently expanding taste buds due to lifetime being served nutrient goop. Likes sweets, but only has them on occasion because they cause headaches (taiyaki’s pretty good).

HD: Regularly gets to enjoy high-quality “real” foods, but very frequently jumps to easier-to-access comfort foods like strawberry milk or curry rice.

C. What’s something pointless/petty/unimportant that IRRATIONALLY ANNOYS THE HELL out of your OC?

Suzi: When the train arrives earlier than scheduled, so she misses it and has to wait for the next.

Kim: Zoning out while steeping tea and realizing it’s cold after forgetting about it.

Crash: Anti-aliasing, and the inability to turn it off. NOOOO SMOOTHENIIIIIIING

Nano: Her senior chef’s taste in music. She recently got a job as his apprentice, and she can’t stand the pirate rock he blares in the kitchen. She hates the accents.

HD: Lacking the right word to articulate an emotion or idea she wants to express and being unable to look it up.

D. What’s your OC’s response to being asked for money by a homeless person?

Suzi: “Some other day.”

Kim: (quietly looks to her phone)

Crash: “Nah fam, not today.”

Nano: (completely ignores them)

HD: (quietly looks the other way)

E. Does your OC get lost easily? What do they do when they do get lost?

Suzi: Checks the skytrain routes and maps at the stations.

Kim: Knows her path from home to work enough to never get lost.

Crash: “Thanks, GPS!”

Nano: Checks street signs and looks for maps at skytrain stations.

HD: In order: check maps, call guardians for directions, ask strangers.

F. What would STOP your OC from Doing The Right Thing in a tense situation?

Suzi: If she’s in physical danger without her powers. She don’t punch above her weight.

Kim: If she has no personal stakes in the matter. She doesn’t like escalating conflict, she’s already tired as is.

Crash: If it’s a strictly physical conflict where she’s unable to interact.

Nano: If it’s none of her business. She’s in hiding; attention is bad.

HD: If she doesn’t have powers for it. She’s not even in her teens, fam

G. Realistically, could your OC (in their normal circumstances- i.e. at their own house/battlecamp/spaceship etc.) keep a small child alive for a week if they had to? A Dog? A Houseplant? A rock with a smiley face painted on?

Suzi: She underestimates her ability to accommodate someone/something. She’d start off nervous, but she’d probably pull through.

Kim: Pretty well. She wants to ensure others are safe, she’s just very awkward at it.

Crash: Even in life, she was a mess, so probably not.

Nano: She’s only just learning to take care of herself among the surface world, give her some time.

HD: She’s like 12! She might take care of a plant just fine tho

H. If your OC had to take the S.A.T. tomorrow with one night to prep, how would they do? both emotionally and academically.

Suzi: Print out practice tests, head to a cafe, get some boba, and hunker down.

Kim: Work at home, take a shower, prepare some tea, scented candles, and some ambient records.

Crash: Wait for Kim to take her to her apartment and force her to do the same thing.

Nano: Internet biiiiiinge. Get the taiyaki ready.

HD: In her room going over various books with some music playing, and probably with a tab open for streaming.

I. What would cause your OC to chose to do something petty/pointlessly cruel?

Suzi: If she’s good friends with the target and another friend dared her to, and/or if she stands to get free food from it.

Kim: If she’s REALLY had enough of you but doesn’t have it in her to tell it to your face.

Crash: If she thinks it’d be funny. It isn’t always funny, but when it is, it is.

Nano: If she’s really angry at you and thinks she can get away with it without notice.

HD: If she’s feeling especially exhausted and has briefly given up on being nice to you.

J. On a scale of “Complete and Justified nervous breakdown” to “Conquer The Entire Galaxy and become an Immortal God-Emperor”, how well would your OC handle being abducted by Aliens?

Suzi: “Oh shit.”

Kim: “Is this a spaceship?”

Crash: “Kickass!”

Nano: “Are you from The Corporatocracy?”

HD: “I was right!?”

K. What song is 100% guaranteed to get your OC beyond turnt and will be sung loudly and embarrassingly, either in public or the shower?

Suzi: “Crazy Crazy” by Yasutaka Nakata.

Kim: “Sad Machine” by Porter Robinson.

Crash: “Whole New World” by SOPHIE.

Nano: She’s not the singing type, but “Giving Bad People Good Ideas” by Death Grips gets it done.

HD: “Feel Good Inc.” by Gorillaz.

L. What perfectly-normal-to-them-thing does your OC do that confuses/pisses off/terrifies their neighbors?

Suzi: Dances to loud mixes in her room.

Kim: Very frequently lights candles or incense in her apartment.

Crash: She used to practice a lot of vocalizations, ie scream a whole lot.

Nano: Have virtually no furniture aside from a bed and table for her laptop.

HD: Own an entire floor of an apartment building.

O. How often does your OC “zone out” or do things on autopilot and how severe have the problems that have arisen from that been?

Suzi: Often, but basically only during boring times where nothing is happening, including stuff that could potentially cause problems.

Kim: Almost never when at work, but frequently gets contemplative when at home.

Crash: As a virtual entity, she’s very active and almost never blanks out. In physicality, CONSTANTLY.

Nano: She doesn’t exactly zone out so much as she gets locked into one sensation/action and is unused to the need to adjust on her own.

HD: She can get twitchy at the worst of times, her mind going on extended tangents if there isn’t a lot of stimuli.

P. How strong or weak is your OC’s Impulse control? What’s the worst thing that happened because of their Impulsivity or inability to be so?

Suzi: Generally gives things careful consideration, but if a prospect is extremely exciting, she may need a reminder to step back a bit.

Kim: Very mellow and not one to making particularly decisive decisions, unless it’s regarding someone’s safety, where she’s very firm.

Crash: Very impatient and prone to making bad decisions without thinking through them. Ever since becoming a ghost, she’s a little more careful for Kim’s sake, but still needs a lot of work.

Nano: Very methodical and calculative, but feels the need to make fast decisions if she decides she has no time to be careful.

HD: Very patient and careful, almost glacial in terms of getting her onto another mindset.

Q. How does your OC sabotage themselves?

Suzi: She’s forming a double-life as a civilian and as a Magica for excitement, but she isn’t fully realizing the consequences of it or what she must do in the future, potentially barreling into danger for a brief thrill.

Kim: She simultaneously wants to have a normal life away from supernatural shenanigans but is irreparably locked into it with her relationship with Crash, ironically denying herself closure by wanting nothing to do with her trauma.

Crash: Constantly seeks to rebel introduce excitement to the world, but is often dishonest about her own motivations, resulting in an inability to think through her plans or the consequences of her actions, some very deadly for herself.

Nano: Her extremely methodical and calculative approach to everything leads her to make an enemy out of everyone. Her inability to trust anyone to not screw up leaves her pretty ineffectual in her goals.

HD: She’s extremely smart and critical, but constantly traps herself in loops of obsessive paranoia, often isolating herself from anyone else to support her or give her better grounding.

S. How Dehydrated is your OC right now? Are they going to fix this?

Suzi: Keep a reusable water bottle for water, occasionally gets ice tea/coffee if she feels like treating herself.

Kim: Keeps a thermos of hot water/tea.

Crash: Currently NA, previously just gets water from the tap.

Nano: Usually gets her fresh cups at work, enjoys municipal tap water at home. Blame Crash.

HD: Fills a cold water mug from a filtered fridge.

T. What’s your OC smell like? no, not that “Vanilla and Anxiety” evocative stuff, realistically. Body odor? what have they been touching all day? When was their last shower? Did they put on any kind of artificial scent?

Suzi: Takes regular care of her hygiene and attends clean facilities, often showers with a peach fragrance that sticks with her daily.

Kim: Smells sanitized and like a dentist’s office when traveling from work, smells like tea and “herbal” everywhere else.

Crash: Like electrons. In life, she showered, but always smelled like a combo of light sweat and coffee.

Nano: Often times faintly like dirt, sometimes with a literal fish-y stench from work.

HD: Very presentable, often has the aroma of strawberry and bread.

#my art #character prompt #writing prompt #untitled #untitled cyberpunk magical girl project #magical girl #oc #oc prompt

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descendantshh2 · 7 years

Text

Stay - Harry Hook X Reader

A/N Did ya’ll miss me? I know some of you probably hate me because I’ve been so inactive on this account and I’m so so so sorry school this year is so stressful and I am a Junior in High School so my schedule is pretty packed. Plus I have cheer practice as well as soccer season that is slowly approaching so please please be patient with me. Anyways I had an amazing idea while on the couch on day and just decided to write a little something for you guys. But I genially want to hear your guys opinion oh this. I kinda want to step outta this Descendants bubble and write about other people. Lately I’ve watched Spider Man and OMG GUYS TOM HOLLAND SO ADORABLE. If you guys want to see me write about Tom Holland or Peter Parker I’m totally down for it. Just send me message I enjoy talking to ya’ll. Lots of love -Vee

Stay Pt.2

"Chad what do u want?" You rolled your eyes are u ex boyfriend as you shoved your books in your locker.

"Common Y/N just talk to me," Chad pleaded, "it didn't mean anything to me."

You huffed. You and Chad had been together for 5 months and you thought everything was going great. That was until he cheated on you with Audrey and you had to say you weren't slightest surprised but it still hurt you deep inside. You knew well that u weren't gonna handle a cheating loser so u immediately broke up with him and never looked back. Like every break up this one was hard especially since you gave yourself to Chad. Biggest mistake ever.

"Hey Y/N," called out Ben as he approached you and Chad.

You mentally thanked Ben for saving you from this dreadful conversation with Chad.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No!" You said too quickly but you didn't care, "Chad was just leaving." You faked smiled.

Chad shook his head, "This isn't over," he stared at you then walked away.

"What's his problem? Last time I checked he's the one that threw away your guys relationship."

"Yea," you breathe out, "anyways whats up King Ben what kingly duties do u have do today?"

Ben laughed at your attempt to lighten up the conversation. You and Ben were pretty close friends ever since u were little. Being princess Tiana and Naveen's daughter and all.

"You know the new Villain Kids that came to Auradon?" Ben asked and you slowly nodded your head before responding. "The scary pirates? Yea sure."

You weren't gonna lie those pirates were pretty scary with their eyeliner and hooks.

"Yea well my pal Harry needs a tutor for Chemistry and I know chemistry is one of your favorite subjects so I was wondering if you could help him out?" Ben asked.

"I don't know Ben," you sighed, "don't get me wrong I love the fact that your giving these villains a chance but Harry? I don't think he could be turned good, I don't wanna waste my time on him."

It was true Harry Hook had a tendency of being a womanizer. He flirted with all the girls and frankly didn't care about school and on tops of that he practical skipped class everyday and was always in detention.

"Come on give him a chance I know he isn't evil he just needs someone to crack that goodness in him," Ben stated giving a small smile. You closed your locker after you grabbed your chemistry book and nodded.

"Okay I'll do it but I swear King Ben you owe me."

You were now sitting down on the desk in the library waiting for the famous Harry Hook to show up. Your tutoring session was at 5:30 and it was currently 6:00. You began to grow bored and decided to do your own homework as you waited.

You expect him to be late after all but you didn't expect him to not show up.

"Are you Y/N." you heard a bad Scottish accent come from in front of you. You slowly looked up to stare into the pirates piercing blue eyes. You saw a small smirk plastered on his face.

"Yea?" You nodded, "hi Harry your late." You rolled your eyes keeping a serious face.

"Well darling a pirate has duties," he smirked out and took a seat across from you, "so princess what are we going to be learning today."

"Don't call me princess Harry." You huffed and opened up your chemistry book to the periodic table.

This is going to be a long tutor session.

"Oh my god Harry how can u possible be getting all this right when we just started the session?" You questioned him.

You decide to give Harry a blank periodic table for him to fill him so you see what he needs the most help on. Once he was done he handed you the paper for you to review and surprisingly he got everything right. This confused you because Ben told you he was failing Chemistry, which in fact he was but it didn't make sense since he basically knew everything.

He shrugged, "you can search me in you think I cheated." He stood up and surrendered his hand up with a smirk. "Common princess I know u want too." He winked at you.

"Harry don't be a pervert and sit down," you glared at him which caused him to let out a small laugh as he took his seat.

"Why are u failing chemistry if you clearly know how to do it?" You looked up to question him and he shrugged again. "You don't expect a villain to be smart don't you?" He huffed a little offended.

"No, I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that," you reassured him, "Harry your so smart why are u grades so low? I mean you can be so much more." You said looking into his bright blue eyes.

He looked back at you and you swore there was a moment between you guys. You never noticed how incredibly visible his jawline was, or the way his eyeliner bold those blue orbs.

"I don't know school isn't for me, ever since I got here I don't fit in, yes I got my crew but I'm not use to school." He admitted turning his head and clenching his jaw. "people here don't like me because I'm a stupid villain they think I'm trash because I'm not royalty."

"Well Harry let me tell you something," you said placing your hand onto of his. When u did that he immediately shot his eyes towards you.

You continued, " I don't think your trash. A flirty pervert yes but trash no." You both laughed a little at your comment. "But I know that if you show how smart you are you can prove everyone wrong. Half these royalty bimbos think that being smart isn't a big deal cause they live in a castles. But my mom and dad always told me that hard work gets you somewhere. I believe in you Harry and I can tutor you daily if u want but I don't think you'll need it." You smiled at him.

Oddly enough Harry return the smile and nodded his head. Your hand was still on his as you awkwardly coughed and took your hand off. "Then we got a lot of work to do." You stated as you flipped through the pages of the chemistry book.

From then on Harry and you had many study sessions and he was early to most of them. Sometimes you guys would study till the library closed which resulted in moving the studying to your room. Even tho Mal and Evie where your roommates they didn't mind Harry Hook just as long as he was on your side of the room. But you and Harry didn't study the whole time. At times you guys would take breaks and get to know reach other a bit more. Soon you guys were best friends (of course not as close as Uma and him were) and you guys spent a lot of time together.

"Common Y/N you like Harry we can all see it." Squealed Evie and you and Mal walked to your locker to retrieve your books.

"I do not Evie just because I'm his tutor doesn't mean I like him." You shook your head laughing a bit. It was true tho you were taking quiet a liking in Harry. You knew that Harry didn't like you back, after all he had all the girls in the school practically begging for him to take a turn with them.

"Look at you Y/N lying to us how dare you." Said Mal as she placed a hand on her heart making you and Evie laugh. The laughing slowly died down when the girls saw Chad approached them.

You rolled your eyes as Evie pointed out, "Y/N Chad alert." You huffed and closed your locker.

Chad stepped towards you, "can we talk please."

You turned too Evie and Mal, "I'll be fine guys I promise." They both smiled weakly at you before glaring down at Chad and leaving.

"This better be good Chad," you stared down at him.

"Common Y/N what's it gonna take for us to be a thing again," Chad looked at u searching for answer.

"Well you should've thought about that before cheating on me you manipulative asshole." You spat pushing him away and attempting to walk away.

You felt a strong arm pull your wrist back as Chad pinned you roughly on your locker. You were surprised at his actions you were lost for words.

"Common," Chad leaned down to your ear, "you can tell me you don't miss that night I took your innocence." He kissed down at your neck.

"Chad stop.." you tried to push him off but he gripped your hips tighter, "stop your hurting me!" You cried out with teary eyes.

"You heard the girl! Leave her alone!" You heard a growl before recognizing who it was. Chad turned to met eyes with Harry Hook. You see his hand turn into fist, knuckles white from how much pressure he was applying.

"What are u gonna do about it pirate," Chad laughed stepping forward letting you go causing you to slide down the locker. You legs were giving out.

"I'm gonna give u warning Chad cause let me tell ya mate going against a pirate isn't fun business," Harry spat. "Make one wrong move and I'll eliminate you." Harry held his Hook toward Chads neck slicing a small piece of his neck. Chad winced in pain and shook in fear. What a baby.

"She's all yours buddy, she was nothing to me anyways." Chad spat looking at you dead in the eyes before pushing passed Harry leaving. Harry hurried to your side helping you up. You breathe heavily at Chad's words. How could he do that to you after all you did for him.

Harry helped you to your dorm as tears spilled down your cheeks. You'd hope that Evie and Mal were in your dorm so you could talk to your best friends, but when Harry opened the door no one was in sight.

"Common darling lets get you to your bed," Harry calmed you down slowly taking you to your bed. He carefully sat you down and you immediately laid your head down on the pillow tears still coming down your face. "I'll get going if u want to be alone," Harry smiled softly towards u but u grabbed his wrist quickly causing him to turn towards you.

"Stay please" you whispered out softly sitting up your bed.

Harry nodded sitting down and taking you in his arm. Your wrapped your arms around his neck and laid your head on his shoulder. Harry set his hook besides you carefully so the tip of the hook wouldn't hurt the two of you. He rubbed circles on your back attempting to calm you down. Once you were okay you let go of him.

"Sorry for all that," you apologized for hugging him so long. Wiping your eyes which were probably all red and puffy.

"No worries love, did he hurt you?" He questioned towards your waist since Chad's grip was on them tightly. Harry slowly placed his hand on your waist looking at you for permission to lift of your shirt a tad to look for any bruising.

You slowly nodded and Harry lift you shirt to see a bruise on each side of hips where his fingers dug into you. You winched in pain as he touched your bruised waist. "He's gonna pay for this." Harry glared down at the floor.

You shook your head. "No harry I don't want you getting into trouble please." You begged him and Harry slowly looked at you.

He placed his hand on your cheek and wiped away a single tear. Your faces were so close to each other you could almost taste her breath. "Thank you for saving me," you whispered slowly leaving in as Harry followed your action when you lips met you felt fireworks.

The kiss was slowly and passionate. You pulled away staring at him as he stared down at you.

"I'm sorry Y/N gotta go," Harry quickly stood up and walked outta the dorm leaving you alone with a confused look in your face.

A/N comment down if you guys want a part two or message me in my inbox or message if you want to see some Spider Man or Tom Holland imagines also. Lots of love xx

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