#bc i literally just took that trait from myself

[pheonix-inside]

I have this one OC whose entire backstory is a lie, but she's also the kind of autistic that is Uncomfortable about lying, so most of her backstory actually consists of half truths and lies of omission.

[really-burnt-toast]

Redesigning my COTL cast pt.1

HAHA I'm finally done! I only made busts tho bc Im lazy and Im not putting myself through drawing a size chart... YET.

It WILL come, just so I can show pretty outfits and show how ridiculous Leshy's hight is LOL

If you see any spelling mistakes, please ignore them <3

(more info and rambling under cut)

Here I'll write some more things relating to each character;

Lamb

Born in Darkwood to a single mother, their mom had named them Mellia after the flowers that grow there, since they had aided in striving off an illness she had during the pregnancy.

The Lamb grew up pretty happily despite being on the run. Their mother was eventually caught whilst they made an escape. During their years of hiding, they broke their leg during one particularly risky escape and were caught not long after.

Their number is 1.600.666 because I keep making a connection between Darkwood and Germany's Schwartzwald - there are 1.6 million sheep in Germany - so I decided to have that be the approximate number. 666 was just added for fun.

Their ear was tagged to keep track of how many sheep were caught in which realm. They just so happened to be the last to be executed. By mere coincidence.

They were born without horns and kinda made the crown shape into a set. It has the benefit that they can rip em off and use them as impromptu weapons.

Due to centuries of being treated as a tool for a prophecy and merely a vessel, their self esteem is downright horrid. Whilst they don't condone followers speaking ill of them, they pretty much let Narinder trample on their feelings up until they had snapped one day. In the end it did help them both, but it wasn't great it had to be taken to that point.

Extra: I added the vitiligo because when I imagine a human version, I couldn't help but see them as having Vitiligo. Their leg limp was made after I thought it would make them look more imposing seeing someone "weak" suddenly pull out a giant hammer.

Narinder

Found within a burning village under rubble, clutching a crown as war raged around them. He was found by Shamura and taken in.

He was the first to create resurrection and back then it was an EXTREMELY taxing ritual. It would require his own godly flesh to beckon people back to life - thus it would literally cause his skin and flesh to melt off his bones. Now that's not needed anymore but his body is still weak to it, meaning during certain stress factors, he can still become skeletal. He doesn't have scarring from it, but gained some cool markings.

He was bound by his arms, torso and neck - all of which are scarred. In the afterlife he was perpetually sitting, causing him to be paralyzed from the waist down. Once he was usurped he had to regain his ability to walk and was taken care of by the Lamb.

He was in a catatonic state for many years and it only got better gradually with many setbacks. For years he never left the bed and by the time his Siblings had been rescued, he had barely started going outside. He was also suffering from chronic pains which wasn't really helpful.

He's also very... Temperamental. It took him just as long to say anything nice to the Lamb and it took him extra long to see them as more than his vessel.

Extra: I changed his markings to be more like I had imagined them. The catatonic trait and chronic pain was added after the update and I remember how horrible it was having tendonitis and I wanted to channel my distaste into Narinder.

Shamura

Found and raised by the last gods, they weren't the greatest sibling. They may have taken in the others but it took them a long time to be anything other than cold. With Kallamar, Shamura was distant and strict - then with Narinder they attempted to be less harsh after the kid started crying himself to sleep. With Heket and Leshy they got less and less cold. They tried their best, they'd argue.

They got carried away by their feelings as they had feared at the start and that's when the first prophecy came to them. They had kept it hidden for way too long until the balance of the crown's powers were ripping at the seams due to Narinder's pursuit in power - and they made a decision. They had told Kallamar first. Then Heket and Leshy were brought in.

Stuff happened. Now they are barely coherent and at most have an hour or two at a time where they seem to make sense. Leshy stays with them the most. Kallamar takes care of them. Heket takes care of the rest. Their skull is caved in, they lost an eye and limbs - some of the damages can't be hidden by bandages.

There's also this thing that their crown keeps getting out of control whilst trying to keep their mind stable - sometimes they'll get startled - attempt to form a weapon and instead end up with their arm speared through. They have scarring all over their body from it.

Upon recruitment they are pretty overwhelmed. Their crown can't stop them from breaking anymore and they have gotten so used to godhood that mortality now feels like they are literally rotting alive. They can feel their body wasting away.

Only after getting their relic back do they start becoming more independent and stable. They nowadays go through some sort of rehab to try and regain their sense of self.

Extra: Not much was added. I wanted to give them Glasses but I can't for the life of me draw them with a pair... So Ill just say they have them but not show them LOL

Kallamar

His past is basically forgotten. It sorta slipped away since he hadn't deemed it fit to be remembered. At first he had MANY fights with Shamura, then it ceased after a confrontation turned violent which left him with a bad scar.

He had to take care of his younger siblings whilst coming to terms with godhood - filling in whenever Shamura wasn't physically or mostly emotionally unavailable. For a long time he was the only one that could comfort his ailing siblings. Dealing with that sort of made him pretty easily agitated.

When Shamura proposed the plan, he had been hesitant - but ultimately didn't say anything.

Now he takes care of his siblings medically. He hates himself more than he hates anyone else and as much as he is quick to condemn and betray Shamura - he is also quick to condemn himself. Though maybe not as enthusiastically or openly.

He likes to compensate. Giving gifts to request forgiveness - grand displays of favoritism or mainly decking himself and his multiple spouses out with Jewels. He still keeps his wedding rings around his neck and his earring references his siblings.

Funnily enough, he caused the least troubles to the Lamb. They could argue he even seemed relieved after a short while of staying in the cult.

Extra: Added Jewelry and two tentacles because he looked naked without them.

Heket

Loudmouth frog that when found with her crown, she started trying to fight Shamura - insulting whatever parent they had. She kept threatening to poison them too.

In the lineup of her siblings, she was often the one who took the sidelines. If she was happy, she was left alone. If she was displeased, she'd let herself known. The most uncomplicated of the siblings.

You'd almost miss how every other bishop would seek her out when help was needed. While Shamura helped with godhood and Kallamar with emotional needs - Heket was a good person to pester with anything else. She'd handle it - just let big sis do it. Even if she was the second youngest - it's funny how even Kallamar and Narinder would occasionally use the nickname.

Then when everyone else was dealing with their wounds, she picked up the pace and kept their respective cults from falling apart. She handled Silk cradle until Shamura could - helped with Darkwood and took over Anchordeep when Kallamar was tending to the others. No problem.

She was still loud when entering the cult. Not as much as her brother - but she loved to cause scenes. Her muteness didn't seem to hinder her at all with that. She's not allowed near knives but somehow can handle axes?

Her temper problems don't get better. She just stops being an asshole about it.

She prefers having scarfs covering her neck bandages whilst they're all bloody and disgusting.

Extra: Nothing because Heket is already perfect.

Leshy

Literally a weird insect that kept clinging to the crown until it grew big enough to hold in one hand. It bit anything that got close and by the time Shamura found it - he had started eating small critters.

And god, he kept growing and growing until he wasn't a small worm in Shamura's hand but literally too big to fit through most doors. They suspected he'd grow until the end of time. Or well, now since his crown is gone.

He never listens. He screams for fun and overshares the worst details to the point he manages to break his siblings into just accepting anything he talks about. They can't even scold him or punish him since Leshy always finds a way to make things worse for anyone else but himself.

He also copies everyone. First it was Heket's tone. Then it was Narinder's behavior - now he started growing flowers and vine braids to make fun of Kallamar and his antlers were at first a crude mimic of Shamura's pedipalps and now they grow vines to be similar to the jewels hanging from them. He refuses to acknowledge doing so.

He's very clingy. After locking away Narinder, he stayed with Shamura every day until they were out of bed rest. He follows his siblings around and when he does give them a second to breathe - hes probably laying around in Darkwood instead of doing anything productive. He does tends to plants occasionally, but he prefers "to let chaos do its thing" - as if that means anything.

He makes for a great gardener after he stopped trying to break everything upon recruitment. And once he got over growling at every living thing - he actually became one of the most well liked people living there.

Leshy knows exactly what someone needs and somehow finds a way to achieve that with the littlest of efforts. It's the thought that counts.

Extra: Braid and vines because I thought Leshy would look cute with it.

Special: The 4 bishops all wear old faith themed robes, but Shamura got the elder clothes for comfort and Leshy kept tearing his clothes apart so he is not permanently excluded from having any special outfits as punishment. Narinder wears fancy robes (who happen to be loose and warm while being special - otherwise he'd complain)

The Lamb wears one of the leaked fleeces since I loved the red riding hood aesthetic.

In the end this turned more into biographies than actual explanations but its 3:30am, Im sleep deprived and I wanted to get my thoughts out because I start having memory problems again YIPPEE

[cowboyjen68]

Hi!!

I just wanted to ask some advice from one butch to another.

I recently got my dream job of being a warden on a nature reserve (and i love it!), while interacting with people there I get called a young man very often (i am 18 lol) and it gives me euphoria to know im masculine enough to even pass as a man. I've also had some volunteers ask if I was a man or not (despite my feminine name).

But recently I got called a "lady" outside while out with my mother. It drove me INSANE I cried alot.

Don't get me wrong I do identify as a woman but I hate being seen as a lady.

I've even thought about using he/him pronouns recently and changing my name but i'm too scared to as most people won't understand bc im still a lesbian.

Is this strange?

ps love u and ur blog lots xx

This is an easy answer because I was 18 once and looked enough like a teenage boy that I got "hey sport" and "hey young man" all the time, especially when in my work clothes. I worked for The Mayor's Youth Corp in Iowa City in the summers of my 15th and 16th year. Mom and Dad let me get a work permit AND bought me a used Datsun Pickup so I could drive myself the 20 miles there and back each day.

I was a volunteer with the Corp of Engineers youth from 14 to 16 and Dad knew I was super excited about this job. Mom was not thrilled that I wanted to cut my hair but my "grand mullet" was really hot under the hard hat in the summer heat of Iowa. (in the 1980's boys and girls had the short in front long and permed in back look) We compromised and I cut the sides really short. (photo of my me at 16 in my uniform for reference)

Using "he" would never have occurred to me because "EWWW Boys". This is not to say, however, that I hated being mistaken for a boy, on the contrary, it felt good. When someone thought I was a young man it meant they treated me as such. They didn't talk down to me, I knew they assumed I was capable and willing to get dirty. I knew unconsiously that along with the mistaken identity came many perks. This was nothing I analyzed but little girls see very early on the difference in treatment they recieve from their brothers, male cousins and neighborhood boys. This difference leads us to become negotiators to control our circumstances and not entittled to treatment based on our skills and actual personalies.

When an adult recognized me as a boy, even for a second at first glance, I knew I didn't have to prove myself. They, for an instant, assigned to me words like "strong, capable, demanding etc". No negotations required.

When someone realized I was a girl they literally had a change in their face. They smiled at me, softened their voice. When I was called "young lady" or "Miss" it always seemed to be backed my the worst assumptions (in my mind anyway). Lady is steeped in all kinds of traits I didnt want assigned to me. "quiet, weak, likes to dress pretty"OR "motherly, submissive, meek" Nothing good in my teen brain, that is for sure. Lady felt so OLD, so married to a man and reliant on him for survival, so polyster pants and ugly flats and scratchy blouses with a flower imprint. NONE of these things are inherent to being a woman or even socially forced on us but that is not how things work sometimes. Words that describe people get stereotypes and myths and traits attached to them all the time. Woman and girl are no different.

I can tell you, the best feeling in the world when I was in that job was when my supervisor, who damn well knew I was a young woman, trusted me with all the same tasks as the boys. Who valued my opinions and abilities equally to the young men. He took time to teach me what I didn't know, just like with them and didn't assume I couldn't or didn't want to learn things on the job. He didn't shame ANYONE for not being strong enough or for getting tired or needing a break.

Don't let the assumptions of others force you into another box of conformity. You don't need a boys name or to use any pronouns you don't feel connected to just to please others. In fact, none of that effort will change perceptions of those around you. I can promise that one day being called Lady will just be another word that you can hear and know it does not change your personality or your interests or control the hope you have for your future. What does waste a lot of time and energy is trying to adjust things in your life to fit incorrect or snap assumptions about you as a person. You can never control the thoughts of those around you but what you can do is stop worrying about it and enjoy YOU.

You have a job you love and are sure to thrive in. You are solid in your sexuality and love of women, you are in a unique position to possibly change the perceptions of others when they think of "young women". Your interactions with the public are sure to effect the assumpions of at least some people when they think of young women and their roles in our society.

Congratulations on your new career and I bet you rock that uniform.

[mikavlcs]

Sweater Weather

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x fem!reader

Summary: Wednesday gives you her sweater to wear on a cold day in Jericho.

Word count: 0.8k

Notes: it’s midnight here, so guess who’s officially 18... anyways this is literally the second story i ever wrote, based off an incredibly generic prompt. i never posted it bc it’s so short but i wanted to post something today so... hope you guys enjoy!

Masterlist

Admittedly, the current predicament you were in was one entirely of your making.

Today was one of Nevermore’s yearly field trips. And because there was apparently no other civilization within fifty miles of your school, that meant you and your peers were spending the day in Jericho. 

It was basically just another Outreach Day except you weren’t being used for free labor.

As always, you checked the weather the night before. The reports showed that Jericho would be sunny with a slight breeze for most of the day, so you wore a long-sleeved shirt and a light zip-up hoodie. And that choice served you just fine as you walked down the main streets of the town.

But you swore that each section of Jericho had its own weather patterns because the moment you stepped into Pilgrim World, the sky completely clouded over and the air around you chilled. 

A fitting atmosphere for the bleak “theme park” you supposed, but not what you were expecting.

Given the circumstances, you were fine, but poor Enid was shivering within minutes of the gratuitous tour Principal Weems was making everyone take. 

You watched from your spot next to Wednesday as Ajax tried his best to warm her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms, but her short sleeve shirt was doing her no favors and you felt bad.

Decisively, you ventured over to her, giving Wednesday a quiet “be right back” before you went. You unzipped your hoodie and slipped it around Enid’s shoulders. She accepted it with a bright grin and hug which you returned eagerly. 

You were happy to help your friend, and besides, you would be fine.

But the temperature kept steadily dropping as you and your classmates were guided around the park and before you knew it, you were in the same dilemma Enid was only ten minutes ago. You tried your best to appear unfazed by the chill in the air, knowing Wednesday would have no sympathy for your situation. The breeze that began making itself known was making that a challenge, however.

Briefly, you considered asking Enid for your jacket back, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that to her. So you resolved to just keep moving and tough it out alone.

Well, not entirely alone.

Wednesday, ever observant, noticed your plight immediately. Actually, she had predicted it would happen the moment she saw you hand your jacket off to her roommate. Your kindness was easily one of your best traits in her eyes, but too often it got you into situations like this where you would deprive yourself of something for someone else’s benefit and suffer for it.

She watched your pathetic attempts to subtly warm yourself for a few minutes longer before finally taking pity on you. 

Wordlessly, she slipped the oversized black sweater she was wearing off and handed it over to you. You looked over, glancing between her and the sweater, your confusion palpable. Wednesday rolled her eyes.

“Take it.”

Confusion turned into disbelief when you realized what she said. You simply stared, incredulous at the thought of Wednesday Addams—tough, stoic Wednesday Addams—offering you her sweater to wear.

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“I- Are you sure? What about you?” you stuttered, not wanting the smaller girl to be cold for your sake. Wednesday scoffed, sounding offended by the mere insinuation.

“Please, I slept in mortuary cabinets for fun when I was younger. I still do on occasion, actually. This is child’s play. Now, take the sweater. Your constant shuffling is incredibly distracting.”

She punctuated her last sentence by all but shoving the article of clothing into your arms. This time, you took it with a grateful grin and slipped it over your head. Immediately, the soft material warmed you, encompassing you in Wednesday’s scent in the process. You closed your eyes, basking in it, before looking back at Wednesday.

“Thanks, Weds,” you leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Wednesday cringed, feigning disgust at the affection even as her cheeks began to burn. She flicked her gaze up to yours, her signature glare a bit softer than usual.

“I took pity on you in this single instance. Do not expect it to happen again.”

“Of course, Wens,” you chuckled. Movement in your peripherals caught your attention and you turned to see the rest of your group heading off to the fudgery. You faced Wednesday again with a warm smile. 

“Come on, let’s get this stupid tour over with, and afterward we’ll head over to the Weathervane. I’ll buy you whatever you want as a thank you.”

You linked your pinky with hers, gently pulling her along to trail behind the other students. And if Wednesday brought her hand up to lightly trace the skin your lips touched the moment your back was turned, well that was no one’s business but hers.

[movedtoadifferentspace]

i shifted last night for the first time in 2 years. . .

MOVED TO @kodtheshiftinggodd !

📌 — QUICK RUNDOWN OF MY SHIFTING JOURNEY

umm so i started on shifttok ( unfortunately) back in like november of 2021, i was shifting to naruto. during like 2021-2022 i had experienced a lot of shifts, ranging from weird realities i didn’t plan on going to, only being there for a few moments, not realizing i was there even though i was there for over an hour, and literally shifting while doing dishes. 🧍

sometime in like the summer of 2022 i stopped shifting doing to being in a relationship with this really cringy dude… who like thought i would disappear out of thin air… if i shifted… ( and some shifttok drama that i got brought into, that’s a whole other story if you wanna hear that, the rundown is i got randomly outcasted bc i had BPD and autistic traits ( literally what they said ) ) yeah not my finer moment. anyways, i also just lost a lot of motivation for it. i still hated this reality but i don’t know, shifting just, idk. it took me just a few months ago to realize that the shifttok mean girls who outcasted me, made me feel like i didn’t deserve to shift in some way. ( when i realized that, i realized how fucking stupid that was )

and so i’ve been really reevaluating my journey, spent a lot of time of shiftblr instead of shifttok, even started my own discord to get rid of misinfo!!! which by the way shiftblr has helped me change my mindset SO MUCH! like i’ve been literally a ghost on here but i adore ya’ll so much !!and basically i feel really confident about shifting. i’ve shifted every time i tried, even though it was a very short shift, i have been practicing manifestation, LOA, & meditation and yeah here we are !

🐇 — THE SHIFT ITSELF

so i read something last night on shiftblr, it’ll be linked here, i already was/am in the mindset of “if i try to shift i’m going to fucking shift” like it doesn’t matter to me anymore, i’m doing it. instead of trying every night, i’ve been focused on trying on weekends when i have no responsibilities and such. though throughout this week i have been practicing my meditation/reaching the void state. SO i saw that post and honestly… i wasn’t really like looking to shift, it was a very impromptu thing. i put on a subliminal [ the one i used ] and i went to bed. i was thinking about one my alt realities a better cr though i hate the term better cr where i live in Oregon, and I am a tattoo apprentice, Levi Ackerman from AOT is the one I am apprenticing for. this is really based on me learning how to tattoo and not having to spend time with the AOT cast while also fighting titans and save the world. while that is great, I wanted something chill SO YEAH. I fell asleep to thinking about that… and I shifted. not to that reality but a weird parallel/version of it?

I did this with my first ever shift too. it was almost like a dreamlike reality, but only subtly. soooo I did reality checks.. and it for sure wasn’t a dream. I lived in the apartment above the shop ( which isn’t what i scripted ) and I went down and just went to work with Levi, Hange, and Zeke. I was really on edge though, like “omg i shifted” “i’m literally talking to Levi wtf” like i had no time to process or ground myself so i ended up coming back. but yeah. that’s what happened and i’m determined to get to this ALT reality. ( not in a rushed way, but a ‘i know im going to get there soon’ way )

anyways, that’s my first ever shiftblr post ahhh xxxx

creds to @jolynesmom for their post that i found

ALSO ANY TIPS WILL BE WONDERFUL, i’m literally always looking for things to improve my journey <3 or new things to try at least

happy shifting <3

[dispatchwithlove]

I'll have you know that I talked with friends ages ago about Shepard resting her cheek in his palm about how much trust you have to have bc god turians could rip you(a human) apart!

Then you put it in writing and I nearly combusted. I have to take some floor time.

I can tell that the fic is gunna destroy me in the best way

Dude, don't get me started on the topic of physical vulnerability in romance/sex! You already have though, so here goes, sorry (I'm not).

As an unashamed monster fucker/monster romancer, this is what it's all about! There is something so moving, so entrancing about a character finding safety, comfort, and pleasure from a character that possesses traits that frighten others, especially physically. Scenes where Belle softened her nerves and touched Beast tenderly shook me as a child! The bravery, vulnerability, and kindness it took is so touching. His huge mits that just swipe wolves away, the sharp claws on his thick fingers...and she just puts her tiny little hand in his, trusting him to be gentle with her! UGH! My heart.

Have you watched or read The Ancient Magus Bride? It's probably my favorite monster themed story. There's this scene where Elias (who looks scary even in his "normal" form) busts out into full scary monster mode and just SHREDS something that hurts Chise, and when it's over he's self conscious and ashamed, not wanting her to see him like that, and her reaction is so beautiful! She accepts him as is, and offers him assurance and kindness. UGH! My heart!

Monster fucking/romancing, to me at least, is all about accepting someone who's different, but it's also about finding comfort and safety in something you're supposed to fear. It's about finding beauty and attraction in features you're supposed to fear, like sharp claws/talons, sharp teeth, etc. It's about a character allowing themself to be vulnerable and trust that the other character is going to be tender. Because that's what love really is, right? Exposing your vulnerabilities to someone and trusting that they'll treat you with tenderness. That you'll open yourself up to someone, letting them see all of your imperfections and insecurities, and they'll still love you, protect you, be gentle with you. Portraying this emotional vulnerability through literal physical vulnerability just works so beautifully. It's a literal "you could hurt me right now, but I'm going to trust you and give myself to you anyway."

Ok, and there's also a lot of great play between pleasure and pain in sex scenes, if you're into that. Talons pinching into thighs, teeth raking across skin, etc.

So yes I will jump at any chance to depict this. Garrus and Shepard fit this so well because turians are apex predators, their teeth and talons are sharp, they look fast and agile, and god damn are they beautiful. And they're tall and have huge hands! They're ripe for monster fucking/romancing themes. In this fic in particular (it was titled Invisible String originally but the rewritten version will be titled and posted as Singularity) vulnerability and trust will play important roles in Shepard and Garrus's relationship, so of course I had to bust out some displays of trust juxtaposed with scary anatomy. Garrus in Archangel mode is a threatening sight (which I effing love), so having Shepard meet him and find comfort and safety in his presence gets my heart beating.

I'm so happy you enjoyed that little bit where she rests her cheek in his palm! There will be lots of Shepard seeking comfort from a dom-leaning Garrus in that fic.

I hope to post soon, but my silly brain is telling me it's not good enough yet so I keep poking at it. Crossing my fingers that the rest of the chapter makes you combust too 😊

Thanks for sending me this! I'll always get up on a podium to talk Shepard/Garrus, romance writing, and monster loving ❤️

[lnsfawwi]

why steve&bucky being artsy people matters (to me)

Steve, canonly an artist; Bucky, canonly a book nerd and possibly an art student as well

and I cannot stress enough how much that means to me

I know people, including myself, have written so many metas about them being female coded but this is important as well.

hypermasculine heroes and the sentimental art & literature don't usually go together. usually when the hero appreciates art it is usually a plot device and they come off as snub and arrogant (look at our protagonist, how knowledgeable he is!).

heroism in MCU seems to be exclusively tied to masculine traits such as good at math and physical strength, and the former usually is valued more than the latter, especially when the 'brain' of the Avengers are always stem bros, even Thor knows his space science in Ragnorok. if you don't know how to build a rocket, throw one, flex those biceps, that'll show the audience how heroic you are.

for example, magic was ridiculed for being feminine in Thor 1. Steve in catfa is specially shown to be clever, he was street smart, but that doesn't really count, does it? after all, everything special about him came from a bottle, right?

even the female love interests in Marvel are often masculine: Jane is a scientist. Peggy & pre-serum Steve's dynamic was also a reversal of traditional male/female role since her introduction was focused on her superior status and physical strength.

the idea that one has to be stem smart to be smart is discriminatory and sexist. more importantly, men don't get sentimental nor do they appreciate art, male heroes aren't supposed to be associated with feminine traits and/activities.

but Steve has always been an artist, he is always emotional and sentimental and he CARES so much. I'm sure Bucky was good at stem but at the end of the day, he's a nerd, he likes books and music, he probably took art class simply bc he LIKED it. they were also shown to express emotional support for others, something often missing from male/masculine characters.

Steve and Bucky's superpower is literally just super strong. taken at face value it's the most simplistic, masculine superpower there is. they fit every stereotypical male hero trope but somehow they just AREN'T that.

[shiningstarr15]

Guys I came across something today and it had me almost throwing a fit in public

So I went to Walmart with my folks for our weekly grocery haul and, as per usual, I snuck off to listen to my tunes, pace around, and look for any marvel stuff I could find 😂

Well I found myself in the children’s books section where I know they always have those little 5minute stories to read to kids and I came across this beauty

First of all, the art is BEAUTIFUL. Some of the characters are the comic versions, but some ALSO have traits of their cinematic counterparts (ex being Natasha’s green eyes)

So of course seeing Black Widow on the cover I had to take a peak and see what her story was.

I was not expecting nor prepared for what it was..

That..that can literally only mean one thing, right? There’s only ONE other character that holds the title of black widow in the marvel comics. And of course the character they’re showing is BLONDE.

So I had to read it. Yes I stood there in the middle of the Walmart children’s books section and read a marvel kids book. I was too excited at the prospect that maybe just maybe my favorite marvel character was in this book. Which would be the FIRST time I’ve EVER seen her illustrated in a kids book!

But then as I kept reading, and they revealed the blonde character having been “impersonating black widow,” a particular sentence caught my eye.

“She had a strange sense she knew this person”

Now I don’t know EVERYTHING about comic Yelena but I DO know that Natasha’s first encounter with her is the first time she’s seen her. They weren’t even in the red room together at the same time.

So part of me started thinking maybe it wasn’t her. These stories sometimes stray a bit to be more “kid-friendly” and Yelena is such an underused and unpopular character in the comics that they probably wouldn’t put her in one of the marvel books.

So I decided to keep reading and Natasha goes on about how ‘this woman knows all her moves’ ‘maybe she’s finally met her match’ and I’m like “no, it has to be her. That is literally her description in the comics!”

So it finally gets to where she removes the mask and..

When I tell you I gasped out loud

It’s HER!! she’s here in a children’s book!

But guys, it doesn’t end there. Look at how Natasha looks at her with a knowing look, SHE KNOWS HER

So at this point I knew they had to have strayed a bit from the comic. But when I tell you the next page literally had me almost throwing the book…

Because it’s not just a version of comic Yelena..

ITS OUR YELENA!!!!!!!

Obviously the book took a few liberties with their story bc it’s not exactly like the one told in Black Widow. But it’s also not even CLOSE to the comic version. Yes Natasha has a soft spot for Yelena that later on does bring them closer and work together and even have funny banter, in which I have no doubt was the influence behind making them sisters in the movies. But they aren’t ever described as having a sisterly relationship in the comics.

So then this version has to be a version of MCU Yelena! Yes it is slightly different but she’s still the younger sister figure to Natasha 😭😭🥺🥺 that’s mcu exclusive as of right now.

Also, LOOK AT THE WAY SHE’S ILLUSTRATED. The hair has never looked exactly like that in the comics with the pieces and the fly-aways. But the thing that really did it for me was the eyes

THAT IS FLORENCE PUGH’S EYES

You cannot TELL me that’s a coincidence. That eye color is WAY TOO DISTINCT of having that golden green-ish look that is so exclusive to her!

So yea, it’s her.

I am at a literal loss for words at this point. It’s like a version of her that mixes some of the comic origin and the cinematic origin. Especially this page here.

First of all, Natasha saying she wasn’t leaving until she brought Yelena “home” had me almost in TEARS in the middle of Walmart 😭 in this story, Natasha defects and Yelena chooses not to. But she still feels left behind, you can tell by it describing her as having an “almost sad look” in her eyes. And then she quotes the motto, like it’s just been engrained into her. And then the stolen tech “falls out” of the pocket. So it is heavily implied she doesn’t really wanna be doing this but feels like she needs to to prove her loyalty.

It’s sad that it ends with her just escaping and leaving. But she actually does end up showing up in like a foggy mist when Nat and Fury reboard the quinjet. Like she’s just really wanting to go. But she doesn’t.

But it ends like this.

“Perhaps her little sister wasn’t so lost to her after all” SCREAMING CRYING HYPERVENTILATING 😭😭😭

And then “she knew this wasn’t the last she had seen of Yelena Belova” implying the possibility of her returning in later stories 😭😭

And that is the first time I see Yelena illustrated.

Guys… kids are gonna read this. They’re gonna read it and not only know who Yelena is, but associate her with being “black widow’s sister” or “Natasha’s little sister.” The character has forever been changed thanks to the MCU and Florence Pugh. They single-handedly put that character on the map, and marvel kids books are starting to reflect it. I’ve already seen it within the fandom. They only know her as being her sister. This was the most beautiful thing I could’ve ever come across. And I have a feeling the character’s future is so bright and this is only just the beginning for “black widow’s sister” 😭😭😭💞💞💞🥹🥹🥹🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖

And also if I ever see her illustrated in that iconic double ponytail and vest I may actually shit myself…

[manasurge]

for the otp asks: 4, 8, and 17 for ya girl? 🥺💕

OHH HI SARAH!!! ;v; <3 (sorry this was so late, I was waiting for a day where I had more energy to write laskjfd). Original Post My only current OTP: Mourynn x Caithe (I still need to figure out a proper ship name for tags lksjdfdlf)

4. How did they first meet? In the Dream ;w; While the circumstances beforehand are a bit different (being trapped in the Dream for a year), and her portion of the Dream was cut off/bubbled (visualized with a giant closed Physalis flower), sort of in the same concept as like.. the Reboot™ game cubes that isolate a certain area), and as that began to weaken and Mourynn got closer to waking up, the Shadow of the Dragon was finally able to attack the weakened Physalis barrier to try and break through it. In a similar vein to the in game personal story, Caithe is sent in via the Pale Tree's help to help fight the Dragon and to get Mourynn out (and bc they had the same Wyld Hunt Dream, which TECHNICALLY it was supposed to be that they shared the same Dream too, but due to scion attachment issues, Mourynn's involvement got delayed and cut off, hence the Dragon attacking again even though Caithe had already experienced her part of the dream). So she met Caithe when she was able to intercept her Dream at the right time so they could fight the Shadow of the Dragon to help and get her out (which was mostly just Caithe saving her more than anything as at this time, Mourynn was physically very weak after all the changes going on in her body, so Caithe was essentially her hero AND the first person she ever met after being alone for so long alsdkjfldf). 8. What’s one way their personalities compliment one another? They both share similar Nightbloom personalities (loners, secretive, socially distant, introverted, etc), so they more easily compliment each other in this way since they're more or less on the same level, and they can be avoidant of large groups of people together. Individually, Mourynn never suspects anything suspicious of Caithe's flighty or cryptic behaviour (since she's probably overly-trusting of her lol), and Caithe is one of the few who can easily understand/decipher Mourynn's weird quirks and eccentricities (it took a little while at first, but after seeing some things from her PoV, she kind of caught on to her train of thought and how she processes things. Ex; most of the time she's very literal). I think on some level, Caithe finds her entertaining too. They're both also very patient, and while Caithe is trying so hard to bring everyone together (as she keeps losing everyone she's close to), Mourynn is also desperate for a connection with someone who understands her (and thus they kind of keep leaning on each other, to possibly unhealthy degrees lol. Co-dependency at it's worst best). They both get to be angsty neurodivergent weird-girl™ disaster lesbians together.

17. Who fell in love first? Definitely Mourynn. As stated above with the abridged awakening/meeting story, the fact that Caithe was like a hero of sorts to her was the first spark. After that, it was simply other reasons, such as knowing they have a shared Wyld Hunt and are connected in that way, as well as both of them sharing some similar personality traits. But also Caithe was already with Faolain at this time (as Mourynn was again, a year late with awakening), so in that sense it would have to be Mourynn first regardless lksjdf. There's also the toxic throuple era with all 3 of them together that's indulgently delicious to myself.

[bonesandthebees]

do you have an opinion on The Host movie? (asking bc ik you've read the book and I just watched the movie again)

you know those jokes about how if you ask someone with adhd or autism about a subject they're fixated on you gotta be prepared for a wall of text

yeah that's me right now though idk if i'm gonna type a whole wall of text I just have the kill bill sirens going off in my head rn because oh BOY I have opinions on The Host movie.

I'm gonna put it under a read more but just be warned my opinion is not a positive one

okay full disclosure I have not seen the movie in roughly 7 years or so because after I saw it once or twice I refused to watch it ever again

anyway I fucking hated the movie

I think the biggest issue I had with the movie was the way they framed it as being more about Melanie than Wanda. the entire POINT of the book was Wanda's journey into finding herself and her home with humanity. Wanda was the main character of the book and this was essential to the theme of the entire thing. but the movie made it about Melanie. and the thing is, in the book, Melanie is not a good person. and this is okay! she's a flawed human and that's why it's so impactful that Wanda comes to love her so much. because Melanie is impulsive, bratty, jealous, and has next to no self-control. this is not me criticizing her character. I love Melanie as a character. she's so intrinsically human and that's why she makes such a great juxtaposition to Wanda. but the movie didn't seem to get this. it was so focused on Melanie's side and not Wanda when Wanda is the driving force and the most important character in the story.

also I didn't appreciate the unnecessary added drama. like the Seeker was almost comically evil in the movie to a point where she didn't even feel like a soul. I know in the book she was described as being very different from most souls anyway but there were still traits of souls recognizable to her, whereas the Seeker in the movie felt very different. again it's been 7 or so years so I could be misremembering, so sorry if I am, but yeah. that felt weird too.

also iirc the movie didn't talk about any of Wanda's previous lives at all? or any of the other planets the souls took over?? which was a huge chunk of interesting worldbuilding lost. also the souls in general were just framed as being wholly bad and evil when in the book it really emphasizes that they DO care. they genuinely think they're helping other species by taking them over and keeping them from self-destructing. is it murder? yes, but not to the souls. the souls don't do this out of malice because they're incapable of even feeling malicious towards others. and the movie really just missed that.

I would say Jared felt like a flat piece of bread in the movie because he did but also he literally felt like that in the book too so. guess they got that right. Ian though... they flattened my boy he was so much more interesting in the book gahhhh so much lost potential there.

I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna write a wall of text and here I am. I could probably say more but I'm gonna cut myself off there. I think part of the issue is that the book is really big and a lot of it is the slow shift in dynamics Wanda has with everyone and it hinges so much on her internal thought process which is difficult to get across on screen. But also it just sucked. even if I hadn't read the book it was still a bad movie overall imo. I'm just gonna keep rereading the book every few years and pretend the movie never happened.

[kithtaehyung]

ryen let me start by saying that this chapter was AHMAZING I cried I screamed I whined and I wanted to kick myself!!! It took me longer to collect my thoughts and send them to you bc I was running late and I was thinking if it's OK to send you a few asks so you can put them all together under a read more to avoid spoilers? If it's sth you're comfortable with it, or you can just keep them (my unhinged thoughts) to yourself! -3tandream

oh my gosh, baby!! i am so happy to receive mindblowing feedback from you. four whole messages?? convenient so that i can put them all in one? you're amazing.. responding to everything below!

ryen let me start by saying that this chapter was AHMAZING I cried I screamed I whined and I wanted to kick myself!!! It took me longer to collect my thoughts and send them to you bc I was running late and I was thinking if it's OK to send you a few asks so you can put them all together under a read more to avoid spoilers? If it's sth you're comfortable with it, or you can just keep them (my unhinged thoughts) to yourself!

SCREAMING CRYING WHINING WITH YOU :((( don't kick yourself though omg. this was an awesome way to receive and format feedback, so thank you so much!

The first thing I want to say scream about is how well you played us!! I've read literally all of the 3tan asks since the very first one and I didn't remember at all that one🤯 now I have to find a new personality trait since I've been thirsting over a man that I literally do not know his name. Yoongi my sweet summer child, he loves her so much he's always thinking of her!!! And him and his insecurities got him thinking that maybe jk was a better option for oc? His thoughts really had me on the verge of tears! Why would he think such things!! Oc celebrating their one year since their first time by bringing tangerines and OF COURSE it had to be raining, just for me to tear my hair off over the parallel with the og 3tan😭! -3tandream

MWAHAHAHA YESSS it wasn't any of the members! it's what i've stuck with since the beginning since i wanted to keep it as inclusive as possible. new personality trait LMAO it's ok, babe! there's now a 3tan!jin... so be careful now ahahaha.

and yoongi. yoongi, you old, silly man. for a guy that seems so confident (and is) he really is his own worst enemy bc of his past. it can't seem to leave him :(( why would he think such things is the question! and oc celebrating the one year anniversary with tangerines i love them so damn much.. there were so many parallels! hell yes.

Our man got his walls so high up that oc really snapped, and I'm glad she did! She's showing more sides of herself and she's comfortable with expressing how she's feeling (big sigh),,, oh. OH. so jk was her first love? The first boy that broke her heart? I'm👀over the fact that now that he saw her being all confident and feeling herself he's all like "I've been in love once, Yada Yada, I wanna approach her again Yada Yada"😒 and finally the talk they needed to have!! And the tears that needed to be shed (I was only crying bc I was emotionally supporting them)! AND THE HOLLY VIDEOS😍 and yoongi cares about the cat😍 -3tandream

reader snapping was so cool tbh LMAO called him tf out so abruptly! we are starting to see more of her character and i love it. glad you recognized that!

so jk... sigh. they dated and then he broke her heart before she left for uni. yup. ofc he thought she looked like a million bucks if he had feelings for her before. ugh. i just... yeah. feeling things.

LMAO YOU CAN CRY JUST TO CRY BBY ITS OK!! it was a rough but beautiful scene for them. they needed that. and then all the fluff AHHHHHHH YES YES HOLLY AND CAT!!!!

Don't get me started on the I wanna watch fireworks with you again bc I will cry while I'm pretending to work! You know how much we all love that fireworks line and you're lovingly terrorizing us with it!! I will not comment anything over THE BEST SEX SCENE IVE EVER READ over the fact that I'm a hoe for yoongi's chains. And chains in general. But mostly yoongi's. Oh to be called yoongi's girl and yoongi's slut and to also call yoongi (his dick) yours🥰. And the question remains; who tf is the bro and who will stop me from slapping jk across the face? Ryen ily and you deserve all the rest ib the world, I love your sexy brain💜

alright. yeah. we're just gonna talk about the line that broke me uh huh uh huh great. we do love the fireworks line.. so i cried when it came out again. :'))) played myself like a gd fool. gosh. and then yoongi tearing up at it, too? like, that had to mean something. goddd.

AHAHAH THE SPICE YESSSS i'm so happy that you liked it! huge praise here i am so touched<33 chains. chains chains chains you know me it's a given at this point lmfao. to be called all those things. a dream really😭

who is bro indeed! it's not any of the members, just whoever :D i love you too and i shall rest and rest indeed<3 thank you so incredibly much for all the amazing fantastic sweet words, dream💜

[dandeliicnsarchiived]

“behind the scenes” for whichever muse/s you're feeling atm !

So actually wanna talk about Victoria. There's a really sad, cringy, just all over the place story with her and I talked about it today with a coworker of mine who also writes but does fanfiction instead.

So Victoria actually is an old recycled muse. Back when i was a baby rper and didn't know my way around shit. I came up with three, just like the Atlas' you see today. There names with Maybelle, Vincent and who you see today Victoria. However I was so FUCKING BAD at coming up with my own shit. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be popular and i did it in all the wrong ways. Like really wrong ways, I had like...2 ? Yeah 2 call out posts dedicated to me and how badly I fucked up and screwed over friends back then.

Victoria back then was Japanese oriented, was cringy and called people "san" and just all types of ways of wrong, I see that now and I'm still kicking myself in the ass for it. Tumblr 2013-maybe 2016 was just a whole trip. You could get away with more when it came to characters and it'd just be power of the pencil or power of the plot and no one would bat an eye. I like how it is now because you have to research, you have to make sure the fc matches the characters background and I love that now!

So with Victoria's revamp and recycle I kept some same elements but changed A LOT.

First off, and not just with her, I made the Atlas' American basically. Still have some regional background but they actually don't know about the history or culture. Reason being? That's an aspect of my life. My mom comes from another country but never took the time to teach me my culture bc she wanted to break generational trauma( we can get into that later). My reason the Atlas' knowing bits and pieces example being; Tyler knowing Italian based dishes from his mom, is because my mom taught us Guyanese based dishes and cooked them often.

Second, I kept her reserved nature because that's the person I became during my time in the Army. Victoria is a glorified version of me introverted but also my way of thinking. Notice how in threads, she hardly talks with people she doesn't really know but there's a lot of thinking and reflecting? I don't do that but SHE does. She's constantly situationally aware(another army trait of mine), she's over-analyzing, her head is basically on an internal swivel. I do that myself but not as much. When she's with people she knows, examples being Seonho, Jenna Wilcox, Leo she talks A LOT, she jokes, she teases, even curses sometimes. That's the indication that she's opening up, she's letting her personality show and it's almost a mirror of Rosalie. Expect! Victoria is very logic-based, I get this from my dad. He'll listen to you, he'll help you but he's always going to give you a logical explanation or result to a problem, unlike Rosalie who follows her heart.

There's a lot of Victoria I can talk about because she's been with me since the beginning. She's my biggest fuck up but also my biggest character development over the years because she went from being a dog water, anime uwu girl to being the representation of composure, loyalty, intelligence, and logical. I love her so much and I'm so proud of the work I've done with her because I feel as if I'm literally writing/righting my wrongs from when I was a pre-teen/teenager and if I could, I'd apologize HEAVILY to those I hurt in the past.

NOW, my question for you!

What story would you like to portray with Cami? What are some plots you want to try and what are some AU's you'd like to do in the future with her?

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

cont

he was still talking about " what else is going on" " what else can we get into" and i'm feeling disappointed bc im thinking like, was going to the beach with my son and i not enough for you and you need more excitement and thinking that this is the same mentality that had him seeking out other women and going to bars and meeting up with them in the middle of the night and hanging out with richelle at a bar during our long homebody streaks.

anyway i wanted to blog to let myself know that i did miss him, his company and i missed having somebody and i guess my therapist was right when she said i am not scared of being in love, just scared of being hurt. because it's obvious my heart is still loving, and it still wants to love him when we hang out, when we live in the moment together and when he is next to me, i still see some of the magic i saw in him when i was still blind. sometimes i wish i could go back to being the person i was when i was blind, but thinking of my ignorance also hurts because i think of the women who knew i was being played and how they must have pitied me for being with such a bad man.

and i also see that my heart wants to love anyone that is kind to me, i thought i had enough of max too when i was leaving atlanta but when i got back i just missed so much being in that hotel room with him and thinking of how he just let me have the reigns in his city and even though there was so much more we wanted to see and do but we didn't but that was because he was ok with just going with the flow with me and seeing where our adventure takes us and it did take us to some places that were like a fairy tale to me and i swear i was completely enchanted by atlanta by the time the trip was over. but anyway i know max is emotionally unavailable and i know i could never see myself with him and he also shows traits of richard/arson/korean david and i know he is another man that needs a lot of work but because he was so nice to me and like i told him i dont think he knows how much he and atlanta healed me but i appreciate him so much he really did make me feel like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. after feeling so insecure, shitty, overweight and disgusted with richard, myself, his women and just been here in az dealing it with him, going back and forth with him. but then i take a random ass trip to atlanta just bc this guy i hung out with a handful of times 5 years ago invited me and i agree and days leading up to the trip im nervous af to see max, scared as hell because i have not flown in literally years maybe a decade and almost cancelled because i was worried what my parents and most importantly what richard would think. but i took the chance and made the leap and i swear i came out a different person on the other side. the first thing max said to me when he came to pick me up from the airport was that i looked good and that was just the first of many compliments i received that memorial day weekend. and after having to tell richard that a girl needs compliments, and after changing up my entire makeup routine and wardrobe after being cheated on because i felt so out of my element and like i am undesireable. and having to explain to richard why what he did has scarred me mentally and emotionally and possibly cause a whole body dispora that i dont think he would begin to understnad what that means. mr max just complimented just because in atlanta. he made me feel like a damaged exiled princess in a new land where she can find happiness again.

anyway when i had time away from richard i get over him, i make progress and when we spend time together then i relapse and i rememebr something my therapist asked me "after atlanta how are things with you and richard? are you still getting pulled in?" and i said No. confidently although she didnt know he was at my house but i felt like i was over him and done with him, and california didn't pull me back to him but spending time at my house and in my room for like 10 days definitely did and i didn't know it was going to do that because i thought i was sure of my feelings or i was confident in how far i have come i guess and now i know i have cause a reset and i rememebr not wanting a reset with him before san fran when my uncle asked me if he was coming and i thought to myself i didnt want him to go because i didnt want to reset. anyways i think the thing about the reset is that i FORGET that my feelings get involved too and i think i was aware of the emotions part before but because atlanta has given me somewhat of a memory wipe i had forgotten about the emotional aspect. so now i know that i am definitely still healing from richard, my feelings are still there and i definitely still want someone to love and to have company because i definitely enjoyed it when i had it with him this past week. and i remember thinking one day/night that i kind of wish we could go back to our original plans. but those thoughts also make me sad so fuck it all still i guess.

idk this post just took a whole ass turn, maybe i will post more tomorrow because it's 1:30 and i'm tired and idk what i want to say anymore

[tea-and-finalfantasy]

have to type all my thoughts out or else i won’t be able to focus on everything else i gotta work on (bad adderall trait is just. hyperfocus on the wrong thing like this. complaining abt it but hey. even this is a form of ? work. of thinking and discussing. of journaling maybe)

1 adderall shortage. i took one today and have two more. i’ll save em for tutoring days/mondays which will give me a grace period of tuesday + wednesday for ? getting tasks done until i can’t rly do anything thursday-sunday/until like what? fucking april? thankfully i have enough clonazepam so i can take half of that at a time at least for anxiety if i need to go out or if my mental health gets bad without adderall (before it was Normal bc i knew it was bad but i just. wasn’t bothered by it. now it’s like i know what being able to function feels like and going without that is horrible. just feeling useless and down bc of it and UGH it’s literally the fucking worst it’s tough to explain

2 i did buy a lot of drinks though for the non adderall days. i have lipton iced tea (watermelon green, green w citrus) and some pink lemonade for non-adderall days, a vanilla latte coffee jug, a caramel ?macchiato? coffee jug, a blonde roast coffee jug, and a small peppermint latte drink (and like an Inch of coffee in another drink leftover lol) plus a bunch of hot cocoa bombs for either kind of day. so at least i’m keeping positive and thinking of this time as coffee drinkie time!!!

3 BUT i feel like i fucking wasted my fucking adderall today BECAUSE yes i had tutoring and adderall means i don’t have a lot of anxiety in the way i did before. not that it cures agoraphobia or anything but i just don’t overthink things. yeah i still have other anxiety but !!! it’s a lot better w all these medications at play. SO YES I FELT I NEEDED TO TAKE IT AND YES I FEEL GOOD RN BUT i was gonna make smashed potatoes for dinner and my mom was like and? and i’m like i literally don’t know i just had the potatoes listed but hey! it’s cooking! it’s a thing to eat! but it’s never fucking good enough bc it’s not a “meal.” she’s always fucking asking “what we have for meals” when i don’t fuckign work like that. i have energy to make potatoes so we’re having fucking potatoes, eggs if u want sure! but i am not going to spend three hrs cooking chicken that she thinks u can throw plain into the oven CHICKEN I WILL NOT EAT I AM NOT SPENDING ALL THIS TIME AND ENERGY, EVEN IF IT’S EASY ADDERALL ENERGY, ON FOOD I WILL NOT EAT

4 plus she offered up wendy’s instead and i’m like. i couldn’t even cook tonight. i had a chicken sandwich that was almost too much chicken and i just. Why was it not good enough for u. even if i wanted to make a three course meal (she’s always asking for sides), how am i expected to do that every day of the week. how am i expected to do that mon-wed on adderall when i have other things i want to do and will have limited appetite bc of the adderall

5 apparently she told my sister she hates my cooking? even tho i’m only taking the sugar out entirely bc she’s diabetic??? and i only do that for pancakes???? i cook fucking melted (fondant) potatoes and smashed potatoes and good pancakes and eggs just like most ppl and baked bread and snacks like ??? fuck OFF

6 so like. i also explained that i’m not having a recent influx of food sensory issues, i’m just being honest w myself and not guilting myself into feeling like i need to eat things i’m disgusted by BC I GOT TOLD BY HER + BY A FAMILY FRIEND THAT ME SWITCHING TO LOWFAT MILK FROM WHOLE MILK IS CAUSING MY SENSORY ISSUES. I LITERALLY GOT “MILK CAUSES AUTISM”ED

7 but apparently she heard none of this, as always, ignoring my history of food sensory issues, ignoring that i’m prioritizing my comfort w food choices, ignoring that i’m prioritizing my own food and cooking preferences in terms of what i cook/focusing on what i’ll eat and not the # of sides, AND I KNOW SHE ALWAYS DOES THIS BUT I FINALLY FEEL LIKE I’M MAKING HEADWAY AND THAT SHE UNDERSTANDS WHAT I’M SAYING BUT SHE NEVER DOES

[leucoratia]

If possible, I would really love to see a headcannons list for Jotakak (kinda similar to the Avpol headcannons). I love this duo and the possible romantic chemistry was so fun! Thanks :D

Hi, I’m Leucoratia and I write headcanons ands fics (sometimes)! If you want to request anything, see my rules and characters list!

*Twirls hair* Haha I’m sooo normal about them

Jotakak. Ladies and gentlemen, JOTAKAK. I love this pair so, so so much it’s a borderline obsession. These headcanons are going to be very influenced about my HCs for the characters’ personalities as well as sexualities (bcs even though Part 3 is my favourite part I can agree that it’s characters aren’t very fleshed-out).

This ask kind of escaped my control, I'm sorry it took so long to answer but balancing my first full-time job was very tricky! I'm not sure it's exactly what you expected because I explored how they got together and how they feel for each other more than misc headcanons, but I think it's still enjoyable :)

Note that I headcanon Jotaro as aroace, hence Jotakak is more of a queerplatonic relationship than a romance. Being allo myself, I don’t have any hindsight from the aroace experience and did my best to accurately portray an aroace person in a relationship. Please do tell if you have any comments or remarks about my portrayal of aroace people so I can do better!

TW: angst. a lot of angst. But it ends well I promise :>

Noriaki Kakyoin in Jotakak HC:

-So I hc Kakyoin as gay, so even in his fleshbud-possessed brain, he wanted to be an extra bitch to impress the local tall dark and handsome upon their first meeting.

-Like he had set up a whole scene, standing mysteriously on top of the stairs with his scarf flowing in the wind, you can’t tell me he didn’t want to swoon Jotaro right off his feet.

-(And that he did lmao)

-Kakyoin has some relationship experience, so he realizes pretty quickly that he has a crush on the other teen. He would be more attracted to Jotaro’s personality and traits than his body, although he can’t deny that he finds him very attractive.

-The redhead is a man of honor, hence he would only respect someone of the same caliber as he. In the beginning, he looked down upon the other man for his attitude, but quickly warmed up to him and truly started to value him after he proved time and time again how far he was willing to go for those he loved.

-Kakyoin truly realized his crush on Jotaro after the battling the Lovers:

“As they reunited after Jotaro defeated Steely Dan, Kaykoin allowed his eyes to graze the other man’s form. Jotaro was covered in cuts and bruises, blood trailing down his lips and brow, melting into his opal eyes. His breath hitched as he noticed the shoe imprints in his back. Just how much had he swallowed up for the sake of his grandfather? As Joseph fretted over his grandson, Kakyoin took in the teen’s ever-so determined aura. Even beat up and humiliated, his look retained an undying sense of determination and duty.

Jotaro had wordlessly trust him and his stand to keep The Lovers from hurting him and anyone else as it flew back to Steely Dan, relied entirely on Kakyoin’s ability to defeat the stand and save his grandfather as he was himself getting beat up and ridiculed in public. This realization filled the teen with a deep sense of respect for the other man, and even more so of admiration.

That day, Kakyoin knew his feelings for Jotaro were no longer those of a friend.”

-After realizing his feelings, he would try to be cool about it and stay the same. Keyword “try”.

-He’s so fucking stupid omg

-He would try to be coolTM all the time to impress. Kakyoin would be the type to infodump about literally anything and be like “Haha Jotaro did you know that sea snakes like Hydrophis cyanocinctus can breathe through their skin”.

-That’s his way of flirting btw.

-Sooooo akward and stupid about it. His cool guy persona does NOT work he is a certified nerd and would absolutely stop breathing when his eyes lock with his crush’s.

-If Jotaro shows the slightest bit of interest in what Kakyoin is saying he’ll talk his ear off with fun facts and videogame lore.

-Would probably make the first move. Kakyoin is a very thorough individual, and feelings are no different. This man made up at least 26 scenarios and planned a different speech for each and every one.

-It definitely keeps him awake at night.

-His love language would be words of affirmation, acts of service and quality time. Every night during their journey the two would meet in each other’s rooms and chill.

“What are you reading Jotaro?

-Marine Life magazine, he muttered, nose deep between the pages.

-Cool,” replied Kakyoin in a soft tone.” Tell me about it?”

Jotaro stayed silent for a few seconds before flipping all the way back to page 3. He cleared his throat and started reading:

“Sea stars belong to the phylum Echinodermata. That means they are related to sand dollars, sea urchins, sea cucumbers, and sea lilies. Overall, this phylum contains approximately 7,000 species”… Did you know that starfish have more than one stomach?

-I didn’t.” Kakyoin rested his hand on his chin, eyes locked on the other man with a dreamy, love-struck look “Keep going.”

Jotaro Kujo in Jotakak HCs:

-So keep in mind that to me Jotaro is an aroace KING so the feelings he harbors for Noriaki are not romantic. Which doesn’t mean this man wouldn’t die for him in a heartbeat.

-At first he didn’t think much of the redhead; although the more they traveled together, the closer they got. After all, it is nice to have someone else his age around during this whole mess.

-Jotaro was in a relationship exactly once (1) in middle school, to cross that item off his bucket list. Even then, he didn’t feel any of the so-called butterflies and giddiness. Must have not been the right girl.

-Aromanticism wasn’t spoken of very much in the 1980’s, especially in Japan, so all his life Jotaro thought that he hadn’t met the “right person” yet. Looking at fellow classmates, he failed to find a single one to his taste during his fourteen years of attending school.

-Holly joked around with her husband that their son was a very picky young man, and the teen ended up using that to justify why he never felt romantic love.

-Jotaro realized something was “wrong” with him when the topic of sexuality came into the picture in high school. Teen boys were passing around lewd magazines and sharing stories of their first times, all while the young man remained puzzled on what was so interesting about a pair of tits. Or a penis for that matter. Sure, men and women were beautiful to look at, but that was it.

-When he understood that everyone else was serious about all they were saying, he started to question himself and think something was wrong with him. Why can’t he be in love? Is his brain fucked up? Is he doomed to be alone forever and push everyone away?

-As he and other grew up, he found himself less and less in his friends and started to grow apart from them. He didn’t feel understood anymore.

-That changed when he met Kakyoin. Kakyoin who didn’t judge, Kakyoin who wouldn’t brag about girls and put him on the line for having no experience, Kakyoing who seemed to be a never-ending pit of random knowledge, Kakyoin who listened.

-Although the Joestar didn’t think much of him at first, he quickly started to appreciate him, slowly breaking his tough-cool-guy shell to expose the teenager underneath.

-He and Noriaki connect like he never did with anyone else. They fight over who knows more about a specific species of starfish (Jotaro does), they play video games whenever they can (Kakyoin always wins), and they have the dumbest inside jokes that makes Joseph and Avdol groan every single time.

-They grow so very close Jotaro starts to believe that maybe this is what love is. The warmth he feels for Noriaki, a warmth that he only ever felt for family, must be love. It has to be right?

-And so the young man indulges in fantasies. Fantasies in which they never kiss, they’re just…together. Kakyoin smiles and he loves him, and Jotaro loves him back and he’s not alone anymore.

-He would never, ever, make the first move; too scared to break their bond. Plus, it’s not like he wants more than they already have.

-Jotaro would just like to be held sometimes. Maybe have his hair played with. He’d like to fall asleep and wake up in Noriaki’s embrace, and give him a peck on the forehead. He’d like his friend to tease him about taking up all the space in bed. And friend’s can’t do that, right?

-Overall he’s just lost and very confused. Also very very awkward about touch. This man craves a hug good good-

Jotakak pair HCS:

-Their confession was messy. It all happened so fast and it wasn’t how either of them imagined to be, planned it to be. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“The three of them stood on the outer wall of Dio’s fortress, the setting sun casting the building in dark shadow. Soon, it will all be over. With Avdol and Iggy left to die in the manor and Polnareff having run to chase the vampire himself, the plan Jotaro came up with was more than hasty.

As they settled on him joining Polnareff and Kakyoin tagging along with Joseph to catch Dio from behind, they could all feel that none of them would come out of this the same as before. If they even could survive this.

The thought plagued Noriaki. Not knowing if he would live to see another day, he had tried this morning to finally confess to his friend but his tongue betrayed him. This was his last opportunity. If he should die, he would knowing that he had been true to his love for the man.

“A moment.” He asked Joseph, not waiting for an answer to turn on his heel and rush towards Jotaro, grabbing him by the hem of his sleeve.

“Jotaro”, he said in a breath” There is something that you must know, before we part”.

The younger Joestar turned around meeting the other man eye to eye, mouth agape, as if he was about to say something.

“I’m in love with you.”

For a moment, nothing was said. Jotaro kept opening and closing his mouth looking for a word, any word, anything better than this crushing silence. He had to say something, he couldn’t stay silent while Noriaki was here and he loved him and he looked so, so terribly sad-

“It’s ok, said the redhead ”You don’t have to say anything. I understand that it’s- it’s a lot.” He gulped “See you there Jotaro”.

And with that, Kakyoin jumped off the building to join Joseph, leaving Jotaro on the roof, still fumbling for his words. His meager “Wait” was lost in the wind before it could reach Kakyoin’s ears.

They truly met again months later, when Kakyoin opened his eyes for the first time after surviving grueling surgeries.

To Jotaro, that time when Noriaki briefly looked at him in a daze while he held his hand as he was rushing him towards the Speedwagon foundation’s helicopter, holding half of his guts in his hands, didn’t count as meeting again.

The second the teen learnt that his best friend was awake, he was out of his hospital bed and running through the corridors, a trail of nurses behind him and IV still half-stabbed in his arm. Bursting into the room, he almost collapsed at Kakyoin’s side, muttering excuses and “I love you”s over and over. The redhead only offered him a half-smile before closing his eyes again.

It would be two weeks before Jotaro could gaze in these emerald eyes again.”

-Once Kakyoin started getting better and Jotaro was no longer banned from his room (after trying to break in multiple times), the two would not leave each others’ side. More precisely, Jotaro would guard his lover’s bed with his life while the other teen faded in and out of consciousness.

-They never talked about their relationship while in the hospital. Such topic felt too.. sacred, to be tackled in a hospital room. But they allowed the change to happen, bit by bit.

-They always touched each other, in one way or another. A hand on a hand. A leg brushing against an arm. They were each other’s lifeline, their mutual contact grounding them in the moment and keeping the memories at bay.

-After Kakyoin was transferred to a clinic to fully heal, Jotaro had the habit of sneaking trinkets, food and books in his room; both enjoying the malicious pleasure of driving nurses and the redhead’s parents crazy.

-When Noriaki was finally released from the clinic, the two could finally fully find each other again. Obviously their activities were limited, with Kakyoin now permanently disabled and with fragile brand new organs, but they made it work. It’s not like they both enjoyed hiking or public dates anyways.

-The topic of their relationship was still difficult to branch, especially to Jotaro. They never went further than holding hands and hugging, but the Joestar could tell that the other teen wanted more than that. And he wasn’t sure that he could be the one to give him what he deserved anymore.

-To be honest, Jotaro is absolutely crushed with guilt after Egypt. Even though his partner survived, the nightmares plague him every night, and he can’t look at Kakyoin without feeling as if his heart was being stopped all over again.

-To him, his friend deserves more than this. More than whatever he can give. Because, well, Jotaro might love Kakyoin, but he isn’t in love with him. He’s never been in love with anyone, and really, he’s not sure he’s able to.

-Slowly, Jotaro begins to distance himself from his partner. He calls less. He comes over less. And it crushes them both, because Jotaro wants to give Noriaki the world and Noriaki only wants Jotaro to be with him.

-It gets ugly. It gets bad. Because Kakyoin bottles up all of his emotions and Jotaro thinks this is what is best.

-Finally, what had to happen happened. They fought. And they broke down.

-Noriaki screamed until his voice went raw that he only wanted Jotaro to stay, that after Egypt, he thought that they would fight the entire world together if they had to but they would be together. He screams that he feels lonely, he feels abandoned, he feels as if he’s 10 again because he’s betrayed by the one he loves and it hurts so much. He screams that he knows he’s broken, that he’s crippled and useless but that he thought that they would get over this as a couple; he screams that he loves Jotaro but he knows he doesn’t love him back and he justs wants to be done, he just wants everything to be over because if there isn’t Jotaro that what even is left for him? And he screams and he screams because he just wants Jotaro to fucking SAY SOMETHING and LOOK AT HIM-

-And Jotaro takes it in. He takes the punches, he takes the tears and the screams and the harsh words.

-And Jotaro crumbles.

-Because he’s just so, so guilty. He just wants what’s best for the most important person in his life and he fucked up. Again.

-He falls on his knees and he cries. And Kakyoin just looks at him from his wheelchair and says nothing, eyes red and throat raw.

-Jotaro cries and says that he’s sorry. That he loves him so much but that he can’t love him, that he tries so hard but he can’t give Noriaki what he needs and that he deserves better than a broken man.

-Once the dam is opened, there’s no closing it. And the words flow out of Jotaro’s mouth and he can’t stop them.

-He tells his lover everything he never said before. How he always felt different. How he’s never been in love, how he’s never been interested in sex, how he thought what he felt for Kakyoin was love because it was the only justification for such an intense feeling. How he never wants to leave his side, how he wants to be his but he can’t and-

-Kakyoin bends down from his wheelchair and hugs him.

-He’s not sorry, he said. About what he said. About being mad, because he’s still absolutely furious at Jotaro for doing what he did. But he understands and never in a million years would he throw what they have away because the other teen doesn’t, can’t return his feelings. He loves him, and even if they wont’ be able to be a typical couple, they can still make things work.

“Jotaro looked at Kakyoin with teary eyes, trying to still the shaking in his shoulders and the tremors of his voice. His knees rasped against the hard wooden floor and hurt from the fall, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except Noriaki, who looked at him with understanding and with so much love it made him feel like he could conquer the world.

“Do you- do you still want me then?” he choked out in a hesitant, low voice.

“Always”.”

-After things calmed down, they had a serious talk about what they felt for each other and what they wanted. It was as clumsy as two teenagers could get, but in the end they both got their point across.

-So much changed after that. It felt as if both of them been freed from an immense weight and could be themselves again, all of their barriers having been torn down. The two were even more comfortable around the other, although they both retained their natural level of awkwardness.

-Today, you could call their relationship a QPR (queerplatonic relationship). Back then, not having words to put on their relationship, they just called it a partnership of some sorts.

-Expect a loooot of casual touching and hugs from now on. These two seem superglued to the other everywhere they go.

-Jotaro being draped over a drowsy Kakyoin on the couch was a common sight at the Joestar estate.

-Acts of service. So. Many. Acts. Of. Service. It’s almost a competition at this point. Basically “Let me get it for you” “No let ME get it for you”.

-The sentient stands make it ten times worse. You WILL have Star Platinum floating away to get tea and Hierophant Green unwinding itself to fetch a book. Holly learnt to ignore the floating objects for her own sanity.

-Would kill for one another (I mean they already did so-). If anyone dares give any shit to Noriaki about his disability they're going to get a taste of Star Platinum's fist. If Hierophant didn't beat him to it anyways.

-Works both ways btw. When they go back to high school, Jotaro's fangirls try to swarm him again but you bet Kakyoin is burning them down with a stare and getting the both of them away as fast as his wheelchair allows him to. If looks could kill...

-They’re so stupid together. Insane chaos energy. Kakyoin literally has the worst sense of humor and is absolutely THRIVING with Jotaro, king of practical jokes. No one is safe except Holly. Especially not Polnareff.

-Kakyoin basically lives at the Joestar estate now. He wants to get away from his parents whom he has a tense relationship with still, and with the rate at which he comes over he always has clothes and trinkets littering Jotaro’s room.

-Even though Holly always offers a guest room, they bunk together. Absolutely no exceptions.

(Jotaro finally got his head scratches and hugs thank god)

-They talk endlessly. They tell each other everything, from their deepest and darkest worries to the colour of their socks. Jotaro opens up on his resentment towards his absent father while Kakyoin tries to share how his relationship with his family became so difficult, and how having a stand whilst being queer made him feel like he was alone against the world.

-Whenever Kakyoin sleeps over, the both of them tend to sleep better. Less nightmares.

-And when one of them jolts awake, a scream dying in their throat, the sight of their loved one laying peacefully next to them always soothes their worries.

-When the nightmares get too intense and the other wakes up, they will gently coax their partner through it, holding them in their arms and murmuring sweet nothings in their ear as tears flow freely.

-Kakyoin is a very guarded man, but Jotaro is the only one he feels safe enough with to express his emotions and his fears. Even then, him breaking down after a nightmare is a very rare occurrence. He prefers to keep to himself and hide away weaknesses like this. Suffice to say, when it does happen, it’s not easy on the both of them.

-Jotaro has the most nightmares. In the first year after Egypt, getting a good night of sleep was almost impossible for the teen. In the darkness behind his eyelids, he would always see the glimmer of red eyes and sharp teeth, and blood, oh god so much blood-

-Having Noriaki around helped. His partner was the one to drag his sorry ass to bed most of the times anyways.

-They help each other with homework as a form of bonding. Kakyoin is more into mathematics and literature than biology and physical science, so they cancel each other out. The only subject both of them are absolutely helpless at is…Japanese….

-They both think all of the literary rules are stupid for different reasons, but they agree on that.

-They don’t voice their affection for each other a lot, both of them preferring actions to words. But they do say “I love you” from time to time as reassurance.

-Jotaro helps Noriaki with his physical therapy and such. It keeps the redhead going, even when hi muscles are sore and his legs feel like puddy. He wants to walk next to his partner again.

-The taller teen somehow becomes Kakyoin’s doctor's best frienemy. Best friend because he always keeps him on his medication and pushes him through his exercises; worst enemy because he has the tendency to arbitrarily kidnap his friend out of checkups.

-When Noriaki was being difficult, Jotaro always knew how to rile him up:

“Come on Kakyoin, you just need to try and stretch your legs and we’ll be done for today”, said a nurse in a sweet but harsh tone. She had been trying to make her patient stretch after his session for a good twenty minutes and she was getting nothing out of him. Even with the patience of a saint, she was itching to give the teen a piece of her mind.

“Hm. Cmon’ Nori, let’s go home. I can see you don’t have it in you.

-EXCUSE ME?!,” spit the younger teen, a newfound fire in his eyes, “Shut up and fucking watch me Kujo”.

-Mutual infodumping. Their relationship is literally autism x autism. WILL take turns talking about their special interests.

-Jotaro would take Noriaki to the oceanographic museum while the redhead shows his partner around the observatory and planetarium. (Kakyoin is a space nerd to me sorry I’m projecting-)

-When they get older and the topic of college gets broached, Kakyoin is the one to push Jotaro to study abroad. And well, if he just happens to secure a full scholarship at Florida University’s department of Astronomy, a famous real-estate millionaire says it’s just a coincidence.

-They live together at university. Contrary to popular belief, Jotaro is the organized one. Kakyoin leaves a mess everywhere he goes. His mugs are literally everywhere (and he’ll be damned if he picks them up himself).

-They both take up work at the SPW Foundation, Kakyoin being confined to the support lines due to his injuries. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t try to sneak out and assist Jotaro on terrain or anything.

-In the end, both obtain their PHD with flying colors. Jotaro becomes a renewed marine biologist while Kakyoin devotes himself to research and teaching.

-The other crusaders learn of their relationship pretty quickly. Muhammad is very understanding, being demiromantic himself; while Polnareff and Joseph struggle a bit more with the concept. They're both trying really hard though.

"So, uh, when's the wedding guys?, said Polnareff in a joking manner

-There won't be a wedding you absolute waste of a bowel movement-"

-After many years at each other’s side, they relationship is the strongest it’s been. And even though it’s not your typical love story, they both wouldn’t have it any other way.

-And well, if they do decide to expand their little family…time will tell.

I mean seriously can you imagine the chaos? Raising a kid with your bestie? Everyone should brace themselves because little Jolyne and daddy Nori are about to be their worst nightmare.

[obaewankenope]

What's your favorite species of shark, and what makes them different from other species (eating habits, biological traits, life cycle, whatever)?

I've come to love Catsharks. I've always loved them since I visited the Blue Planet Acquarium in Ellesmere Port literally over two decades ago with my bio-dad's family. You were able to pet them and the skates and rays in the rock pools (which you can't now bc covid) and the fish loved it. This year, I got to go back for my niece's birthday present, and was able to see the Catsharks again for the first time in years.

Catsharks are what most people know as Dogfish. I'd actually always known them as Dogfish myself until I looked them up out of curiosity recently and discovered their delightful name. They also, just so you know, roll up into a donught shape when threatened. It's a ball of fluff shark style!

They have this lovely spotted patterning and the normal countershading all sharks have (light on bottom, patterned/darker on top) and in the case of Catsharks, the spotted pattern helps them blend in on the seabed in rockpools and coastal waters.

Catsharks are one of the shark species that can remain stationary under water and still breathe. Most shark species require constant locomotion in order to breathe, since they draw oxygen from the water through their gills. Catsharks and some carpet shark species can gulp water in a way that allows them to flush water through their gills so they don't suffocate. I saw this in person after the largest Catshark in the tank at Blue Planet spat at me in protest because I wasn't petting it and then went to sulk at the bottom of the tank. You can see the gulping technique in the gif below (from the video I took of the grumpy Catshark I wasn't allowed to pet)

Catsharks also have different personalities! They have been found to exhibit different behaviours among groups that have been significant enough to indicate a different personality to one another. So the Catshark I didn't pet who then spat water at me (a thing they can do by the way) and then went and sulked, likely did that because it wanted attention and was denied. That's such a cat thing to do I love it.

This Catshark was very curious about everyone around the tank, swimming around a lot and coming up to the edge of the tank close to people and their curious fingers. It's in the middle of this section of the tank, with its snout and eyes above the surface of the water to look around at all the potential sources of pets. Of course, no one was allowed to touch them (though it didn't stop some people from ignoring the signs :/).

So yeah. Catsharks. I love Catsharks. This species in particular is the Small-Spotted Catshark (or Lesser-Spotted Dogfish). I love them.