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lionews · 3 years

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Guide to GB

hi ;0 sorry it’s me again. I noticed that maybe yesterday or the day before, there was a discussion on how people made GB without buying any, and a lot of people mentioned event stuff. That usually requires a bit of research (if you’re just getting started on lioden) and can be overwhelming. So this post is for anyone who needs it—anyone who is new to event grinding and trying to step up from being a casual player, or just trying to make a few more bucks.

In almost every month, new apps will be released, and typically those will sell well out of season… but there are a few hot items that will always be almost always be on SOMEONE’S radar, and I’ll tell you about them now!

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Mod note: You should probably post this on a public blog so it can go into the Lioden tag. We don’t post in there incase people don’t want to see our blog. Or even in the forums.

January - January’s event is mostly filled with decor, but save up your SB a month or so in advance, because when the 3rd tier is unlocked, you can buy some pretty neat stuff that sells well later on! Lion meat can be purchased at T3 in the event shop for 2000SB! If you hold onto it for later, you can make 8-10GB per meat! Prices tend to shoot up during February, so if you wait to get full worth, you could be earning 13-15GB from a 2000GB (about 2GB) investment. As always, branch prices ALWAYS fluctuate, so forgive me if my ranges are a little off. But typically, that’s the general profit you can make from lion meat.

Then, MOD Overgrown Fur can be purchased for 4000SB when Tier 4 is unlocked! Popularity varies among players, but it’s definitely something you can sell… personally, I would invest more in lion meat, but it’s up to you!

In January, there is also the Boneyard! Save up your LB because digging about in the yard or donating skulls can get you a selection of three items, which can be quite useful if you know what you’re looking for.

Vulture eggs, broken drones, giant tortoises, leopard orchids, MOD: Primal, and lion meat may appear! You can then purchase them with event currency!

Vulture eggs and broken drones sell well in bulk. Giant tortoises on average sell really well for about 1-2gb MOD: Primal varies, again, around 10-15gb is what I’ve seen post-January. And lion meat was mentioned above!

Oh! And you’d be surprised… don’t skip out on those leopard orchids! They might seem a little lame, but you can sell them for 1gb! And holy COW they sell fast! Why? Because the normal auto-claim on a lioness in explore is 2gb, so players will jump on those leopard orchids for 1gb each! I’ve sold mine recently in under 5 minutes, it was surprising!

February - February is a special chaos. I’m not kidding, every bit of your event currency will be desired sitewide.

Tier 2 in the flirt shop allows access to honeycombs—which can be sold fast for 1gb… though they have an expiration date, so maybe not the best investment since prices drop in February. You can also find Grains of Paradise (GOP) which guarantee at least 2 cubs in a litter! These will sell out of season for up to 21GB from what I’ve seen, but prices will fluctuate and crawl up and down. Regardless, you’re looking at about a 8-15gb profit on average depending on what the branch prices look like.

Tier 3 in the flirt shop and slap shop, my friends, is where it gets wild. Buffalo balls, which guarantee at least 3 cubs in a litter, will be available along with an item called Yohimbe bark, which chops 1 day off of a lioness’ breeding cooldown! Out of season, yohimbe barks sell for around 12-15gb each! And Buffalo balls, which are always in high demand, can climb from a price of 6gb during February to 16 to 20gb! Later on by summer, buffy balls can reach as much as 25–and I’ve seen as much as 45gb… a big leap! So hold onto them. And again, prices will always fluctuate, so don’t hold me firm on these prices if you don’t see them please ;;;

Apps, again, vary depending on the community opinion on them… once more, all newer apps will sell well. Personally, I find the February apps gorgeous, but if you want to make quick sales after February and make the most of your event grinding, I would invest in breeding items.

In the slap shop, there are lion scrotums when T3 is unlocked! They guarantee a 25% chance of passing a mutation on… though this does not account for hybrids. Dwarves require these in order to pass on their mutation, and double uteruses do as well. DU and dwarf breeders will always be on the lookout for these! But prices on these make me narrow my eyes. Buffy balls can be used for all lions, but lion scrotums are only useful if you’re breeding dwarves or DUs. Thus, buffy balls will almost always sell faster than lion balls from my personal experience—but that doesn’t mean lion scrotums aren’t worth buying! Due to their slightly higher price compared to buffy balls in the event shop, they tend to sell for just a bit more than buffies do! But bewarned that come the May event, I believe, they will become available once more in an event shop.

March - March brings in more decor than it does breeding items, but there are still ways to profit! While you might be tempted to snag the newest apps, hold off and try to gauge the public opinion… for example, recently Hirola was released… and it seems sort of meh, so you won’t see a big demand for it. It’s the base apps that are involved involved in combo-base breeding that are the key!!! The ivory base can be used in two combo bases as a factor: Soul and Madagascar! So pick up that One With Giants app! It can be resold for a fair amount!

April - April is another event heavy on decor, but there are at least a few nice things! Egg yolks in the event shop will be heavily desired by stat breeders, so you can pick up those to sell—beware they also have expiration dates. Personally, I think the real good stuff is in Wenet’s shop! Doing her quests grants you hare points to spend. Stocking up on roasted lambs is a very good idea—these double your energy gained for 8 hours!!! They’ll be floating around during April for 1-3GB on average. And if you hold onto them until February, they shoot up in demand and can go for about 12-16gb each! It’s not difficult to pump out at least 8-9 roasted lambs during April, so that’s a few extra $$ in your pocket if you’re patient enough!

May - In May you can purchase red bulls, which are similar energy boosters like roasted lambs! These sell well, and as mentioned previously, lion scrotums make their return! Also, there is a chance to obtain male groupies, which are heritageless lions like NCLs that can be used to replace your king and essentially make it a G1! These sell for fairly good prices throughout the year due to people changing/replacing kings! Make sure to patrol them or freeze them on your side account (so they don’t age too much), and you can fetch quite the pretty penny depending on the market. I once, out of season, bought a heritageless groupie, one of the only few remaining on TC, for 75GB. Do I regret not waiting? Yes. Is it too late to cry? Totally.

June - June. Lovely June. Side with one of the deities or gods or whatever during the event, and once you finish their story line, you’ll get a base applicator that typically is worth a decent amount of GB out of season depending on which one you’re selling. Let it be noted that anubis, bast, seth, and sha are ALL factors of a combo-base, which is why combo-breeders will be willing to pay a good sum of money for those apps. Check the lowest branch price if you’re looking to sell!

July - Pack your bags and get ready to grind hardcore again, July brings a new base that usually has breeders scrambling to obtain, and there are also GORGEOUS backgrounds and decor to buy. Not only that, but for shards in the event shop, you can buy applicators that ALL sell fairly well. Well… mane apps might be iffy. But let me point out a few things worth snagging: Sunrise markings! Sunset markings! These two are almost ALWAYS going for a jaw dropping sum, I’ve seen 40-70 each, but DONT hold me on that please.

Curse of divine is a combo base factor for Elysian, a fairly popular base. Snag it! Touch of demiurge is a gorgeous base, and it sells pretty well! Grab that if you want!

And of course, whatever new comes out, make sure to gauge the audience… though in July, most everything new is going to be a good investment.

August - August is a pain in my opinion. Grinding DB to buy buffy balls is rough. But let me mention the stuff to invest in! The peddler allows you to buy vulture eggs, broken drones, and lucky feet—all of which sell nicely in big quantities.

I failed to mention this in April, but lucky feet will be in an abundance. SAVE THEM. Lucky feet are used to automatically win battles, and they come in handy for October, which is heavily combat based!

Buffalo scrotums and Grains of Paradise also make their comeback at the peddler, though I can’t give you a good price range on those. I will say that by August, the market for breeding items gets a bit dry, and so prices will be higher—much higher than they were in February.

September - September is good for one thing, and only one thing… actually scratch that—two things, and only two things primarily. GMO cows and ochre gnawrocks. Anyone playing lioden long enough knows that GMO cows are a big item used in mutation breeding, it ups the chance GREATLY of getting a mutated litter—even moreso than lion meats do. These things are WHACK. They sell for 45-60GB out of season, and in February, MANY people will be trying to buy them. Ochre gnawrocks guarantee the passing of a specific marking. Rosettes are very hard-to-breed markings due to their low pass rates, and mottled rosette is a hybrid originating marking. Thus, ochre gnawrocks will go for big bucks out of season, especially during February. 45-60GB is the common price that I’ve seen, although one year it was wild enough to reach 80GB. It all depends, but regardless, both items are good to grind for.

Oh! And in the Harbringer’s shop, there are black stallions, which sell well for 1-4GB all year long. They essentially guarantee that a lioness gets pregnant once for a breeding. This is very helpful to people breeding low fert lionesses like hybrids. Although, angelic blessings do a longer lasting job and sell for more… more on that later, you can’t get those during this month.

October - Then comes October, the battle-oriented event that I mentioned previously is what you should be saving your lucky feet for.

Let me try to get this all down. There is a general shop in which you can buy applicators and decor, and quite a few of the base apps in the shop are factors for combo bases. For example, Unholy is involved in 3 combo bases! And blazing is in another. Fiery is also in one, and I really can’t go into specifics because I’m not a big combo-breeder, but a quick google can give you the idea.

Then, you can side with heaven or hell, in which you’ll collect the respective currencies for whichever one you might go with. In heaven, you can get Angelic blessings, which as mentioned previously, are like black stallions. However, when you equip them to a lioness, they’ll get pregnant no matter what their fertility in one go for as long as they live/are using the blessing. Be warned that removing the blessing, which “acts” like a decor, will cause it to be used up. You won’t get it back, it’s a 1-use item. These sell well for 10-15gb out of season.

Shadows of death are what you can purchase in Hell’s shop. This will shorten your lioness’ life by 1 day—which in turn also removes a breeding cooldown day. These sell fairly well for about 10-14gb out of season! Surprisingly enough, I would say they get used fairly frequently—although the idea of killing your lioness might make it hard to believe.

Then there’s the manticore shop, where you can buy things like fermented marula fruit, medlar fruit (good for cub training to 100% immediately), dove feasts, RMAs, and crunchy worms. Dove feasts can be crafted in February, RMAs can be purchased at any time in the Oasis all year long, and medlar fruit on the market is a bit shakey considering that it’s not hard to train a cub to 100% without items. The real market investment here are the crunchy worms, which give a 25% of producing a clone cub of the mother in a litter. Again, these will sell VERY well out of season, especially during February. I don’t feel confident on giving a good price estimate, but as I’m writing this, the average price appears to be about 30GB, and it is early April.

November - Deep breaths, we’re almost done! November is where you’ll mostly be saving your event currency to buy the newest released base app or decor. I recommend saving your herbs, because I believe November is heavily herb-based. Giant tortoises are also available in the shop!

December Here we go, most all December event apps are HOT HOT HOT! And the jolly pose in the event shop is also fairly desirable! Save for those Jolly poses, and save for that newly released base, marking, whatever. Many of the bases in the event shop here are used in combo-base breeding.

I should note that spicy ice tends to have year-round popularity! It’s a factor for a whopping 4 combo bases! That’s a lot!

Along with that, frostbitten markings seem to have a decent amount of popularity, though things always always fluctuate. Check lowest branch prices, and with newer apps, always scan the community for the general feedback before investing.

And that’s it for event stuff!

Here’s the biggest advice of all…

If you want GB fast, sell the items listed above DURING the events.

If you want to make a profit/get rich, sell the items listed above MONTHS AFTER the events!

#submission

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cosplayinamerica · 3 years

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COSPLAY THEME PAGE : ShareMyCosplay.com

Tell us about ShareMyCosplay, what was the genesis of the ShareMyCosplay?

Share My Cosplay has gone through quite the journey to get to what you see today. I can still remember the day that I came up with the idea that would eventually lead to Share My Cosplay. I was eating lunch with a few friends at my day job. A friend of mine showed me a cosplay of Jessica Nigri as Pikachu, and because I worked in IT, for some reason had an idea of doing a website related to cosplay. The actual website took a while to set up, but I started off slowly, with an initial launch on social media. We launched with Tumblr and Twitter, slowly building an audience. Then eventually a little bit later adding Facebook, and eventually much later introducing Instagram into the “family’. Eventually we added the website and have been going strong since then. We’ve of course made tons of adjustments over the years, and most recently started adding content on YouTube. It’s been a great ride so far, and hopefully it will continue.

What was your first experience with cosplay as well as the convention scene?

Like a lot of people who are into gaming and comic books, I was aware of cosplay, but didn’t really know much about it. It was only after looking into the idea of starting a site that I really got to know what goes on behind the scenes. It was meeting and talking to people in the scene that made me realize what an amazing community of people are involved. That is why I have continued the site for so long. As our social media following grew, I got to know more and more of the cosplayers, and was so happy I was able to use what I had created to help them gain more exposure. Share My Cosplay exists as a place where all cosplayers can have their work properly showcased.

As for conventions. While I live in the capital city of Canada, Ottawa is a relatively small city of one million people. Conventions have only really made it big in the last 5 years or so and before that were never a really big thing. I had travelled to other cities within Canada for some conventions, but those were mainly toy based conventions, so there would just be a handful of devoted cosplayers hanging out. It wasn’t until much later, when conventions started to take off, that our city got it’s own “Comic-con”. Then things exploded quickly. When our first Ottawa Comic-con launched, I was there day one, and the lineup was out of the building and wrapped around the whole building. I think it took a couple of hours to actually get into the convention floor. I could only assume it was similar to something like entering SDCC, but on a much smaller scale.

So while that has been a staple in our city for the last 10 years, I’ve also been traveling to Montreal Comic-con, which is a little bigger. Since there are maybe fewer conventions in Canada, people seem to come from great distances to show off the cosplays they had worked out. The dream has always been to try and get to SDCC, but that hasn’t happened yet. Travel is so expensive from Canada.

So for the short term I had set my sights on visiting NYCC, which is a “quick” drive from my area of Canada. However like all plans, they fell through. I had plans to go to NYCC and E3 in 2020, but of course those fell through because of what happened around the world. I miss conventions. One because they are such a great way to meet and interact with the cosplayers, and two, it’s one of the primary places we get content to share on our site and pages. So that has been lacking for us recently. Fingers crossed things will get back to normal soon.

How has cosplay changed over the years in your perspective?

Like everything you get to know, it evolves and grows over time. Being knee deep in cosplay all the time (my inbox once had 100+gb of cosplay submissions), I have certainly seen it change over the years. Obviously cosplays have become more elaborate in construction. Things like LEDs are so cheap now, I always find it amazing when people incorporate them into a costume. So the cosplay builds just get bigger and better every year. Also I find the resources on the internet have gotten better. Cosplayers are now able to find more detailed pictures of what they want to create, giving them a way better idea of what and how they will do it for a certain character.

Another thing that has changed, are the absolutely stunning Cosplay edits you’ll see on social media. So why the cosplay photographers have always been an integral part of the equation (we try hard to tag them when people include their details on submissions), the level that the editing on pictures has changed over the years is dramatic. You’ll often see the time-lapsed photo creations on Social, and they are just mesmerizing to watch. People put so much time into creating these worlds to help elevate the cosplay to the next level. That has certainly changed over the years. That being said, we still love regular shots of cosplay too, the amount of photographers that specialize in cosplay has jumped a lot too.

In general, it seems cosplay has evolved from a simple hobby where you could throw something together to wear to a weekend convention, to a full time gig where people spend months on at a time for each one of their creations.

How has ShareMyCosplay changed over the years?

In my eyes SMC has evolved greatly over the years. As the editor there have been two major changes, and I think it has improved the way we do things. The first thing would be, when we first started I used to go “collect” the cosplay that we shared. So I had to either go find it, or reach out to people. I spent a lot of time tracking down cosplay to share, that I personally thought was cool or very creative. As you can imagine this took a lot of time. So this has changed dramatically over the past 3 - 5 years. Now I’m happy to say that we are 99.9% based on submissions from users. So while there is less than 1% of content that we do go out and ask for, it is basically all based on what people send us to share. So that is why you see such a great variety of cosplay content on our pages. There is a downside to this in a way, as compared to some other pages out there that only feature certain types of cosplayers, some people enjoy that a bit more and those pages can have more of a following then we do. However we are really happy with the content we put out.

Then the second big change, that has certainly led to better content for our pages, is the introduction of automation. When SMC first started, I had to do everything manually. Like I would be on Twitter or my phone doing everything live, and sharing items. It took up a lot of my time, and greatly affected my personal life. At times I think I must have been crazy, as this is a free service that we provide, and I was putting hours into each day. Now of course things have changed and the Social Media aspect of SMC is way easier to manage. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram all have official tools available that allow you to schedule your posts. So you can easily take an hour or 2 and work on several days of a week at the same time, or if you were really organized, schedule the whole week. So I’ve learned to embrace this a bit more and learn the ins and outs of it. This leads to a more constant stream of content that our followers seem to enjoy. Which seems to lead to more engagement from our followers.

What’s the best part / worst part of running a cosplay theme page?

The best part has obviously been meeting & interacting with the community throughout the years. We do our best to present a positive place where everyone can share their cosplay creations. We’ve been invited to some really cool events over the years, and our team has been able to go to a lot of conventions all over the world. It’s been a fun ride.

The worst part for me personally, is that while our team has grown and shrank over the years, I do most of the work by myself. Sharemycosplay.com is run by a single person, me. Also for the most part there is a single person doing all of the social media. So I do my best to have content up all of the time, but sometimes life gets in the way. We’ve put a few calls out for people that might want to help with content creation for the site, but sometimes it’s hard to attract people interested in helping. Right now I’d love a few writers that could write articles that I could wrap around cosplay posts for the page. We will have to see how that turns out.

What future plans do you have for ShareMyCosplay?

I’m always looking to expand Sharemycosplay.com with new content. During the pandemic I’ve been off my normal schedule so unfortunately updates have been a bit slow, but hoping to get back to things. With conventions off the table for now for the most part, I’m trying to move in different directions. I’ve recently tried to put more effort into YouTube, but even that has been impacted by the Pandemic, so I’ve leaned more on gaming content. That is going to change as I’ve started a new initiative that I just launched on our page a few days ago called “CosplaySELF''. Basically we are looking to have cosplayers interview themselves, and us edit the footage into the “episodes' ' featuring 3 cosplayers. Hopefully those will start to be live very soon. We are already into the editing phase and hope to have the first episode live soon, over on our YouTube page. Keep your eyes peeled. Hopefully, as long as people show interest, this is something we will continue to create and upload on a regular schedule.

Is there anything that wasn’t covered you like to talk about?

Lastly I want to thank you for taking the time to include Share My Cosplay in this interview. It really means a lot when someone else in the community that you respect, takes a moment out of their busy life to recognize the work you’ve done. There have been times in the past where I have considered possibly giving up doing SMC, but getting some recognition really helps put things in perspective and allows me to continue on. Hopefully Share My Cosplay will continue to grow over the coming years, and continue as a great tool for all cosplayers to use.

https://www.sharemycosplay.com/

#cosplay theme page #cosplay interview #cosplay page interview

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katefiction · 4 years

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Revolution, Part 1

by katefiction (Maria) / 2014

It was a boiling hot day, the day before. I remember because George’s cheeks were bright red all day long. I’d had to resort to stripping him down to a vest and his nappy to keep him cool. It didn’t help that he’d recently discovered how to run. Every fourth step, he would lose his balance and fall to the floor, but he was so happy using his legs, chasing Lupo around the apartment and screeching as he went.

‘George, come here!’ I shouted, grabbing his arm as he ran past me.

I wiped his face and back down with a cold flannel, and made him sip on some water.

‘Ok, go’ I said, releasing him into the wild again.

The air conditioning had broken down a month back, or been switched off. We didn’t know which, but suspected the latter. We had been strongly advised not to open any windows, it would be “inviting trouble”, they had told us.

We’d had to make do with a few portable fans, but that wasn’t enough to cool down our twenty-room home. We decided instead to use only the rooms we needed and it was beginning to feel like a cage. Of course, I would never say that out loud.

With George occupied by Lupo, I sat myself down on the couch with a glass of iced tea. I never thought I’d be this kind of person. A housewife with nothing better to do than sit at home all day and watch daytime TV. But there I was expertly flicking through the channels, deciding between a DIY makeover show and a chat show. The news channels weren’t an option for me, I was sick to the teeth of the constant discussion; the repetition; the poring over of every detail hour after hour.

It was only when George commanded my attention that I snapped out of my zombie like state.

‘Da!’ he shouted, throwing his blue rhinoceros stuffed toy at my feet.

‘Georgie, don’t throw poor Ronald, that’s not nice’ I grabbed the toy and cuddled it to my chest, prompting George to reach out his little chubby arms.

I handed Ronald back to him and he smiled for a second or two before throwing him down again. ‘Da!?’

Ronald was a gift from William, and had quickly become George’s favourite toy. So much so, that he sat in George’s cot every night, standing guard over him.

‘Da? Da! Da?!’

‘Baby, he’s not home yet’, I scooped him up off the floor for a kiss and a cuddle, but he quickly wriggled out of my grasp.

Much to my annoyance, George had said ‘Da’ before he’d said ‘Mu’, which were his names for us. William had revelled in the fact that it was his first word, taunting me about it with the perseverance of a woodpecker.

Forcing myself off the couch, I decided to start on dinner. When I opened the fridge however, it was all but empty. A few vegetables sat limply in the bottom drawer and milk for George was lined up on the shelves. I sighed and slammed it shut. In the kitchen cupboard were a few cans of soup that we could eat with some bread. It riled me to see our kitchen so barren.

William came home at five, just as I was deciding between tomato and leek and potato for the third time that week.

‘Hey’ he said, leaving the door ajar for a few seconds to let some air in. His face was so tired, with dark patches under his eyes as if a storm cloud were shadowing his face.

‘Hey, how was it?’

He rubbed his worn face with his hand. ‘They won’t budge’

I sighed and turned away from him, ‘did you ask when our food would be delivered?’

‘I forgot’

For days I regretted how I acted next, wondering if it was that which pushed him over the edge.

‘William, I asked you to do one thing!’

‘I had more important things to think about’, he said, too tired to argue.

‘More important than feeding your son?’

‘Not tonight Kate, please…’

I slammed the can of soup down on the counter and tried to pull the ring pull back, but it wouldn’t move.

‘For God’s sake!’ I muttered under my breath.

William came over to me, his body hot from the searing heat, ‘leave it, we’ll order pizza’

‘We can’t live on takeaway’ I said unreasonably.

‘George’s got puree in the freezer; we can cope with pizza tonight. I’ll sort the groceries tomorrow, I promise’

I leant back into his chest and closed my eyes, ‘I’m sorry’

‘So am I’ he said, pushing his mouth into the top of my head.

‘So, what did they say?’ I asked finally.

‘The decision was final, all my engagements are cancelled, and I’m not to be seen in public until they say so’

‘Didn’t Jamie try and convince them?’

‘He was out-numbered; there was nothing he could do’

Over the last two months, our court had been slowly transformed with letters of resignation coming in every couple of weeks, until there was only Jamie left of our original staff. He was supposed to have all but left, but loyally, he’d stayed on. In place of our trusted advisers had come strangers who were now advising us that we shouldn’t even leave our home.

‘We need to get rid of them, we can do with just Jamie for now’ I said.

‘That would be admitting defeat; we can’t do without a court’

‘Do you trust them?’

‘I don’t know’. He pulled the pizza menu from the letter rack and sat down at the breakfast bar.

That was when I knew we were in trouble. William had always been so sure of the people around him. Like a sniper, he would seek out anyone he couldn’t trust and cast them out. But that night, he was worried and he couldn’t do a thing about it.

The history books will tell you that the Revolution began on May 6 2014, when the general election was called a year early. Britain had gone to the dogs with riots flaring up around the country over benefit cuts, energy prices and unemployment to name just a few.

Those of us that lived through it will tell you that it had started years earlier. The recession hit the country hard, and May 6 was the eruption of all those years of struggle. When the Green Party came into power that day, with its promise of a new prosperous Britain, it bought with it republican ideals.

The Republic had campaigned against the monarchy for years, but it wasn’t until that May that the British public stood up and took notice. The first months of 2014 were harsh and aggressive with rains and storms hitting our little island with no mercy. People were being forced out of their homes as the rain water crept in, ominously seeping under the doors and destroying everything it touched. Every penny was being whittled away by fuel and food, and the country had had enough of the government that had failed to protect them. By May, it was at breaking point, and the Republic seized their chance to use it against our family, so warm and dry in our fortified homes.

WE ARE PAYING FOR THE MONARCHY TO FEAST WHILE WE STARVE! They shouted, mounted on the lions of Trafalgar Square.

The protests intensified, with echoes of the 2011 summer riots rising once again. Outside all the palaces in London, masses stood, placards in hand, calling for the abolition of the institution that had served their country almost a thousand years. Little children who had once been so excited to meet us, now chanted along with their mothers and fathers. My little family of three hid behind our four walls, watching from the window as the police attempted to turn them away. But this wasn’t a violent protest; it was controlled, thought out and passive aggressive.

‘What do they think will happen?!’ I appealed to William. ‘We’ll just throw money out of the windows, chuck in some priceless paintings and jewels, and that will solve this country’s problems?!’

‘They want us to disappear’ he said gravely, stepping back from the window. ‘We represent sickening wealth, it doesn’t’ matter that we’re trying to help. Come away from the window before you’re seen’

We continued our engagements as best we could, our police protection bumped up just in case. But this only angered them more. The two princes, once so loved for their ‘normal’ personas and giving natures were now brandished all over the papers as spoilt and useless. No amount of PR could turn them back.

In June the Queen left for her summer holiday early under the cover of darkness. No one, not even William, knew if she was truly in Scotland.

That was when the Revolution hit us. With Her Majesty gone, our staff left one by one. Our engagements were cancelled and we were told to stay inside for our “own safety”.

It was the beginning of the end.

Unlike our groceries, the pizzas arrived promptly, Americana for me and Margarita for William. As I laid out the food on the table, I listened to him over the baby monitor putting George to bed.

‘Ok GB, it’s way past your bedtime’, he said, as George drank down his milk. ‘You are a greedy guts, aren’t you? Look how fast you’ve drunk your milk’

George babbled in reply.

William couldn’t wait for the day that he and George could have full blown conversations, and neither could I. I hoped it would stop William giving him a new name every week. There was ‘GB’ or ‘Team GB’, an acronym ‘Giant Baby’ in reference to our baby’s 8lb, 6oz weight at birth and ‘Grumplestiltskin’ was for when he was tired and grumpy.

Then there were the names he gave me. ‘Mum-a-tron’ was his current favourite.

‘Just like Daddy aren’t you, big appetite…now where’s Ronald?’

I heard him stand up, the creak of the rocking chair audible in our state of the art monitors.

‘Ah ha, there he is. Ronald’s going to look after you, isn’t he? He’ll protect you no matter what, I promise’

I heard him kiss George and put him into his cot. He didn’t leave the room right away, and I knew he was standing over the cot looking at his son as he so often did when he had something on his mind.

‘Dinner’s up’ I said when he returned to the kitchen.

We took it over to the couch and William immediately put on the news as he had done most nights for the last couple of months. I sighed inwardly.

‘Shall we put something else on tonight?’ I asked hopefully.

‘I just want to watch this for a bit’, he replied, ignoring me.

‘Will, please, can we just have one night without thinking about all this?’ I pointed to the TV, where a member of the Republic was arguing with the presenter about taxation.

‘This is my only source of information, they aren’t telling me anything’ he said scornfully.

I sat back into the sofa, defeated by William’s stubbornness. He was right, though, because an hour later, a breaking news bulletin flashed up on the screen.

PRINCE CHARLES AND THE DUCHESS OF CORNWALL LEAVE BRITAIN

I jolted up from my slumped state as the presenter read from the auto cue that had evidently just popped up in front of her.

‘Aides to the Prince of Wales have confirmed he has left Britain for an undisclosed period. They have declined to reveal his location but confirm that the Duchess of Cornwall is with him. It comes after the Queen left for her annual holiday two months early allegedly due to increasing pressure from the public and the campaign group Republic. Royal sources this evening have revealed that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince George and Prince Harry remain in the UK’

The TV was the loudest sound in the room, but my ears were focussed on William’s breathing next to me. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and wordlessly called his father. I watched as his eyes darkened and his breathing intensified. After a few seconds, he ended the call.

‘What happened?’ I asked cautiously.

He didn’t answer me, and instead called Jamie.

‘Jamie, did you see the news? … I just tried, his phone has been disconnected … did you know? … Should we be worried? … OK, I will, bye’

‘What did he say?’

‘It’s the first he’s heard of it. He hasn’t heard from Papa’. His face was so full of worry, I just wanted to reach over and comfort him. But I knew when William was stressed, he needed time to himself.

‘What now?’

‘We stay inside until they tell us otherwise’

My phone buzzed on the sofa arm. It was my mum calling.

‘Tell her we’re ok, but nothing else’ William said, spotting the caller display, ‘we don’t know if our phones are being watched’

I reluctantly did as he said. I wanted more than anything to leave that place right then and go to stay with my parents. But something in William’s tone told me to leave my family in safety.

William, meanwhile paced around the apartment double checking every window and shutting all the curtains. He locked every door he could too.

‘Should we go to the panic room?’ I said anxiously when he returned.

The panic room was a high tech protected zone disguised as a normal room – in our case it was hidden behind our walk in wardrobe.

Suddenly he softened, coming over to me and taking me in his arms, ‘don’t be silly, you’re perfectly safe’

‘Then why are you locking us in here?’

‘As a precaution. As long as I’m here, you’re protected. The only time you’ll need that room is if I’m not’

I knew he was trying to placate me, and I let him because I didn’t want him to know I was scared. Looking back, I know he was doing the same thing.

We went to bed that night anxious but comforted by each other’s presence. After touching base with Harry, I insisted we bring George into our room for the night and we placed his cot as close to the bed as possible.

‘I’m sure your father’s tried to get in touch’ I began.

‘Tomorrow…we’ll talk about it tomorrow’ he said quietly, consumed by his own thoughts.

Somehow, we managed to fall asleep. It was a sleep so deep that I didn’t hear a footstep or a whisper that night, let alone hear him leave.

I woke up to silence. It was 6am and my body clock told me that George would wake up and demand breakfast in half an hour. When I looked to my left and right, neither of my boys were there.

It wasn’t unusual for me to wake up and find William not there. He was a light sleeper, and often he would get up before George so he could be there as soon as he woke, allowing me half an hour extra in bed. Recently, he’d been waking up before the sunrise, unable to stay in bed a moment longer than necessary.

I told myself that they were probably in the living room in front of the TV, watching the news so I lay there for a peaceful fifteen minutes, letting my body get used to being awake.

Eventually, I got up and went straight to the living room, only to find it was empty. The kitchen merely had the empty pizza boxes and menu scattered on the counter. Lupo was asleep in his basket in the corner.

Confused and trying to push down a rising sense of panic, I headed to the bathroom, which was cold and lifeless.

George’s room, I thought resolutely, chastising myself for overreacting. I would sometimes find the two of them playing in there, toys scattered all over the carpet because George only had to point and William would get whatever he wanted down from the shelf. Never mind the twenty cuddly toys already on the floor.

The room was vacant.

It was then that my heart shot into my throat.

‘William?!’ I shouted to no reply. ‘George?!’

I rushed back into the bedroom, looking for a note, checking my phone, anything. William wouldn’t have taken George for a walk without telling me, not in the current situation and certainly not without Lupo.

I felt the bile start to rise to my throat, my body breaking out into a sweat with the panic. Stay calm, I willed myself, taking deep breaths and letting my heart slow down.

I closed my eyes, and organised my thoughts. I would go through every one of our twenty rooms methodically and then and only then would I allow myself to worry. Collecting the keys from the study, I went about unlocking every door that William had locked the night before, switching on the lights to make extra sure as William had drawn all the curtains.

When I finished without finding a thing, I went back to our bedroom and did what a panicked wife and mother would do. I tried ringing him.

His phone went off within seconds, still lying on his bedside table where he always left it. My face popped up on the screen as it rang, smiling brightly into the camera. I wanted to throw it against the wall.

What was I supposed to do next? Who was I supposed to call? My mind blurred with all the things I’d been told in my training for emergencies when I’d married William. He would know what to do, I thought, my frustration momentarily overtaking my fear. I had never felt as alone as I did in that moment, my child missing, and my husband not there to calm me down.

We hadn’t planned what I’d do without him. ‘As long as I’m here, you’re protected’, he’d said the night before as if it was so simple.

Then, as if from nowhere, and in the most inappropriate of circumstances, a memory flashed through my mind. Every year we would join my family on holiday in the Caribbean. What I loved more than anything was standing in the crystal waters, the sun on my back, waiting for the warm waves to wash over my legs. No matter what was happening in my life – an imminent break up or a tough pregnancy – that moment was like hope rushing in.

Standing in my bedroom that day, sweat dripping down my face, the same sense of hope washed over my body, a force so strong it nearly pushed me backwards.

‘The only time you’ll need that room is if I’m not’

I hurled myself towards our walk in wardrobe. The door was closed and I knew immediately someone had been inside. We never closed that door.

Switching on the light, I hurried to the end of the long narrow room, which was lined top to bottom with shelves and rails of clothes, shoes and accessories. At the back end of the room, William’s suits hung immaculately in a row and I pushed them aside roughly to reveal a small, barely visible panel concealed within the wall.

There was a brass latch along the skirting board, and I struggled to remember where it was, fumbling my fingers along it until after what felt like an age, my finger landed on the piece of cold metal. Pulling it up, I heard the panel click and it jutted out, allowing me to slide it to one side.

Behind it hid a thick, heavy metal door. The last time I’d seen it was when we’d moved in. Security had shown us just how secure it was, the loud clunk of the four door latches filling the room. It did so again as I pushed down the handle, and breathed a sigh of relief as I found that it was unlocked. Pushing it open, I entered the room. The lights were cut out and the darkness engulfed me. My other senses strained to make up for the loss of my sight.

After a few seconds, I heard him, his tiny chest heaving in his slumber.

I stumbled around the tiny square room, running my hands clumsily along the wall until I found the light switch.

George was lying in the middle of the room. I hadn’t noticed when I rushed through the wardrobe, but the bottom draw from the large chest in the closet had been removed. It usually held my knitted jumpers, and now it held my baby.

I almost screamed with relief when I saw him lying there in his makeshift cot. Next to him was Ronald. I pulled him out as gently as I could but couldn’t help but squeeze him tightly.

‘Thank God, thank God’ I whispered, kneeling on the ground. ‘How did you get in here baby?’

George fussed in my arms, displeased to be woken up.

‘Where’s Daddy?’ I said trying to stay calm. ‘Where’s your silly daddy gone?’

Taking the room in, it revealed two phones, a radio transmitter, a box of emergency unperishable food, and a small portable toilet in the corner. But no William.

Taking George with me, I circled the apartment again, looking in every single room again for sign of him. I tried to convince myself that he’d just gone out for an emergency meeting or something, but the cold silence in our home told me different.

Returning to the panic room with a bottle of milk, some food and my phone, I decided we should stay in there until I decided what to do. After all, would it be overreacting to call the office, the protection officers even? He had only been gone a few hours at the most. I took Lupo with us too, who by that time, was just as awake as George, and I hoped that they would keep each other entertained while we waited for word from William.

George now fully alert and drinking his milk happily, climbed back into the drawer. If William were there, I knew he would’ve pushed George around in it, pretending it was a boat or a tank. I knelt beside him and noticed my hands trembling.

It was at that moment that I saw it, just as George joyfully threw Ronald from the drawer. Nestled between my knits; a note written haphazardly on a scrap piece of paper.

Don’t come looking. I’m sorry.

Jamie arrived within half an hour of my call; as if he was expecting it. With him were two of our new “advisers”. Steven, a tall lanky man in his early forties with sandy blonde hair and sharp features was calm and controlled. In comparison, the new press secretary, Alec, overweight and balding, had been loud and brash every time we’d had the misfortune to encounter him.

‘Ma’am’, they all said, Steven and Alec bowing their heads reluctantly.

‘What exactly happened Ma’am?’ Jamie said kindly, noticing my obvious distress to which the other two were oblivious.

I explained everything from start to finish, all the essential parts anyway. ‘There’s no reason that he would leave like this, something must’ve happened’ I said calmly as I could.

‘Let’s not go over the top here’ Alec said, his voice booming around the room, ‘there’s probably an explanation – have you tried calling him?’

‘Of course I have! He left his phone here’

‘With all due respect’ Steven said, chiming in, ‘it has only been a few hours, perhaps we should wait before jumping to conclusions’

‘I’m not jumping to anything; he would not leave us like this, not after yesterday’

‘And of course we’ll do our best to help’ Jamie said.

‘But we do have a lot on, you understand, we can’t go on a wild goose chase’ Alec looked pointedly at Jamie. ‘Tell me, where’s the little one?’

‘Asleep in the nursery’ I said cautiously. I didn’t like strangers getting too close to George, and as far as I was concerned, Steven and Alec were just that.

‘I believe the duke has been under a lot of pressure recently’ Steven said coldly, ‘perhaps his leaving has something to do with domestic matters?’

I grew hot with embarrassment and anger, ‘what are you insinuating?’

‘Did anything happen last night that might have encouraged him to leave?’

‘We had a tiny disagreement about not having any food in the house, but it was nothing’

‘Sometimes small arguments can cause people to re-evaluate things, especially with the big changes happening of late‘

‘My husband has not left me’ I said with a shaking confidence. ’Something has happened to him, besides he hasn’t taken a single thing with him’

Steven nodded patronisingly. ‘We’ll look into it’

‘Give it a few more days though’ Alec added.

I realised then that they were going to do nothing to help me find William. I looked to Jamie for back up.

‘I’ll be right behind you’ he said to the other two, who were making moves to leave.

‘We can wait’ Steven said, halting on the spot.

Jamie looked right at me, his eyes unwavering. It was as if he were trying to communicate something to me without words. ‘I’m sure he’s just fine, Ma’am’.

The following days were filled with anxious waiting and little to no sleep. It had been seventy two hours since William had disappeared and I hadn’t heard a thing. I had tried countless times to convince Jamie that we should call the police.

At first he told me that we had to wait twenty four hours before reporting a missing person. When those twenty four hours came and I rushed down to his office to make the call, he was apologetic, telling me we should wait a bit longer.

On the third day, I was back in his office yet again.

‘The problem is Ma’am, he left a note, so he’s not technically missing’ he said, wiping his brow, the heat still searing.

‘He’s been gone three days Jamie. You know as well as I do, something isn’t right’

‘I’m afraid the police won’t see it like that, they’ll agree that he left of his own accord’.

Stephen appeared from the adjoining office after hearing my voice. I had managed to avoid him and Alec for the past three days.

‘Is there anything I can help with?’ he said, his voice sending uncomfortable waves of nausea through me.

‘Nothing’ I said shortly.

I glanced in the direction of his office, finding something to focus on that wasn’t his sharp, sly face. He stepped to one side as if to block the doorway from my view. Our old staff kept their doors open for us, happy for us to know what they were doing and discussing.

‘Where’s the little’un today?’ he asked with an informality that was clearly against every bone in his body.

‘He’s being looked after’

‘By whom may I ask? I didn’t see your mother arrive’

Stephen and Alec had CCTV monitors installed in that office. Ever since the protests outside the palace, the security had been intensified. George’s nanny had been let go too, we couldn’t let her stay with us in potential danger no matter how much George loved her. I wondered whether Stephen and Alec’s concern was not really about who was coming in, but who was going out.

‘George is fine. Thank you’ I said.

‘If you insist. Ma’am’ He nodded curtly and slid back into his office.

I bolted up the stairs the minute I left the office. How could I be so stupid to leave George with someone outside the family?

‘Antonella!’ I yelled when I got into the apartment. ‘Antonella, where are you?’

The comforting smell of tomato and basil wafted from the kitchen, followed by the shuffling feet of our some-time cook and housekeeper. Jamie had finally convinced Steven and Alec to let her return after weeks of her not being allowed “for security reasons”.

‘Yes Ma’am’ she said, her tone one of constant worry nowadays.

‘Where’s George?’ I said irrationally and out of breath.

‘In his cot Ma’am, where you left him’

Clearly, Antonella was confused by my sudden change of attitude. Ten minutes previously, I’d asked her to watch George while he was napping so I could speak to Jamie.

I ran into the nursery to check on him, where he was splayed on his front like a starfish, gentle snores escaping his mouth.

‘You should probably go’, I said to Antonella when I returned to the kitchen.

‘But what about the din-‘

‘I said go!’ I shouted this time, my steady façade gone.

She didn’t hesitate, gathering up her things and scuttling out of the door.

It was only when the door clicked shut that I let myself crumple into a heap on the floor. I gathered my knees to my chest and sobbed into them, great wells of tears that had been bursting at the seams for three days. I had no idea where William was and no hope of finding him. I had been convincing myself that he wouldn’t leave us, but spanning my mind back, my bitchiness over the food and his stress that night made me doubt myself. Maybe he just wanted out.

I picked myself up and tuned off the stove, where Antonella’s pasta sauce was close to burning. I couldn’t bear to eat anything now.

That night, I sat on my bedroom window ledge, unable to sleep. Scrolling through William’s phone for the fiftieth time, I flicked through his picture album. Before George was born, I would tease him for only having six pictures stored in his phone, compared to my two hundred. But now, his was as full as mine, with shots of George from the day he was born to just last week when he was trying to climb on top of Lupo.

I looked out into the black night, wondering how he could have left all this. I thought about where he might go to escape.

Scotland, Windsor? Too close.

Kenya? That was his favourite place on earth, after all. But people knew him there now.

William had once told me, ‘I’d love to move somewhere where I could lose my identity, to be small fish in a big pond, a nobody’.

I had just laughed at him and told him he’d have a hard job finding such a place.

I shook away the thought of him being far from me and focused back on the night he left.

Did he leave through the front entrance, the darkness of Kensington Gardens engulfing him so he wasn’t seen? Or perhaps through the back, scurrying into a car while we were all asleep?

As if knowing which exit he used would help me find him, I chided myself.

I stopped my thoughts in their tracks. There was a way I could know how he left, of course there was.

I wrapped George in a blanket, careful not to wake him and tip toed out of the apartment. It was almost midnight and all the staff had gone home, at least I hoped.

As I unlocked the office door, I silently thanked Jamie for giving me a key when William and I had married. Those days of transparency were long gone now, I knew that much. I headed straight to Steven and Alec’s annexed office, where this morning, Steven had been so unwilling to let me see inside. Mercifully, it was unlocked.

Suspended on the wall was a plasma screen split into twelve, each showing a different entrance of the palace. Now, there was no movement, but I knew if I looked for the tape from the night William left, I may just have something to see. Swopping George to my other arm, I pulled open the heavy drawer of the filing cabinet under the screen and found rows of cds all neatly labelled with dates. William disappeared on the 12th and my heart pace increased and I spotted the July section.

10th, 11th, 13th.

George whined in my arms as if sensing my distress.

‘Shhh baby, shh, Mummy’s here’

I knew there was no point looking for the missing cd, it was gone, most likely destroyed. It only confirmed my belief that I was swimming against the tide. Not only were these new advisers reluctant to help me, they were actively hiding information.

‘Yes it’s getting in the morning edition’ a voice said, coming from nowhere and startling me. ‘Ha! Runaway Prince, I like it’

It was Alec, and by the sound of it, he was out in the corridor.

I panicked, ducking down under Steven’s desk. George didn’t like the sudden movement and let out a cry.

‘Shhhh!’ I said holding his head close to my chest, my heart beating like a drum.

Alec continued. ‘What? Yeh I told them she’s frantic, prissy little bi-‘

George cried, louder this time.

I crouched lower, ‘please baby, be quiet for Mummy’ I whispered desperately.

I heard the outer office door creak and after a long pause, his breathing low and heavy, he finally spoke again.

‘Oh nothing…just a cat outside. Anyway, make sure you get the message to Redfern tomorrow, we don’t want him staging a comeback…’

Alec’s voice trailed off as he shut the door and left. I breathed a sigh of relief, planting kisses all over George’s face for keeping quiet when he really needed to.

Back in the apartment, I paced the lushly carpeted floor. Who was Redfern and what did he need to know? I’d never heard of that name, and desperately wanted to call Jamie to ask him. But I now realised the lengths Steven and Alec were prepared to go, and couldn’t risk using my phone.

My eyes were tired, deep bags forming under them, but I couldn’t sleep. Out of desperation and insomnia, I fired up the laptop and typed ‘Redfern’ into Google. The first couple of results were meaningless; a publishing house and a photographer with the name.

But the third caught my eye.

Redfern, Iowa

I clicked on the link.

Redfern is a town is Iowa, United States. The population in the 2010 census was 104.

I looked up from the screen, not daring to believe it, or to let myself hope.

‘I’d love to move somewhere where I could lose my identity, to be small fish in a big pond, a nobody’.

The sun had broken by the time I had worked out a way to contact Jamie without using my phone, which William warned me could have been bugged. A niggling feeling warned me to be careful. Maybe I couldn’t trust him either. But he was my only hope of finding William.

I hunted around in my underwear drawer and eventually found what I was looking for. Tucked into one of my socks was my old mobile phone, a Nokia to be exact. It was the very same that had been hacked all those years back. William would’ve been mortified if he knew I still had it, with all those messages still stored on there. But I couldn’t let it go, it was a potent memory of the days when our communication consisted of love yous and miss yous, unlike the last text I sent to him, which simply said Don’t forget to ask about the food.

I prayed that after all these years the old thing would be able to switch on, let alone make a call. By the time the phone had woken up, I had finished packing mine and George’s bags. I had started as soon as I’d decided that Redfern was the place I needed to go. Our bags consisted of a few clothes, as much cash as I could find, toys – Ronald of course – but mainly were filled with food and water.

It was only 5am, and feeling bad for Jamie, I delayed calling him for fifteen minutes by looking at some old text messages from William.

09/05/2006 : I can’t wait to see you baby

How true that was now. I felt a tinge of fear that maybe I was wrong, maybe Redfern was something totally unrelated to where William had gone. I pushed the doubt aside, it was all I had left to cling on to.

The car pulled up quietly at eight am. Jamie had been furtive on the phone, worried about my state of mind. But I insisted and pleaded with him, and something told me he didn’t think my idea was as crazy as he made out.

‘Ok Georgie, time to go’ I said to him as he sat on the kitchen floor rolling a ball into Lupo and then shouting as if he expected him to roll it back.

Distracting myself from the fact that I was leaving my home seemed so easy when I had packing and last minute calls to make. It seemed ironic that the same phone that was infiltrated was now being used to avoid that very situation. I had explained to my family what was happening but declined to tell them where I was going. My mother was frantic.

‘Catherine, you can’t just disappear! How will we know you’re safe?!’

‘I’ll get in touch as soon as I can, I promise mummy’

It broke my heart to hear her so worried and upset, but I reasoned that if would be safer for them to not know where we were. I still didn’t know what I was up against. Harry hadn’t answered his phone but Jamie had promised to let him know where his brother was once we knew for sure.

Lupo sat solemnly on the kitchen floor as if he had heard me ask my mother to take him in.

‘Ok boy, time to say goodbye’ I nuzzled my face into his fur but he didn’t respond. ‘Say bye bye to Lupo, George’

George waddled over and imitated me by patting him on the head. I forced back the lump in my throat.

Carrying all three bags and George on my hip, I opened the door and looked around our home for one last time. Lupo trotted up to us and started scratching at my legs.

‘No boy, it’s just me and Georgie this time’ I pushed him down and said goodbye to him and to the life we once lived.

After creeping through the servant’s corridors and out of a side door, George and I bundled into the car that was waiting for us. On the seat next to me was not Jamie as I expected, however.

‘Susannah, what are you doing here? Where’s Jamie?’ I asked, strapping George into his seat.

‘We thought it’d be safer if I came, I pretended I was going out for a morning jog and met the car on a side street’ she said.

Jamie’s wife sat next to me, a worried expression on her face.

‘You think you’re being watched?’ I asked.

‘Jamie thinks so, these ex-military types are suspicious of everyone though’, she let out a wry laugh.

‘I know the feeling’ I said, thinking of William and his intense dislike of Steven and Alec. That time he was right.

As we set off, I tried to make conversation, ‘how did Jamie organise all this? I thought the whole palace was being watched’

‘Let’s just say there’s still some loyal people working for your family’ she smiled.

We made our way through the streets of London, I had no idea where the plane was that I’d be taking to Iowa or how Jamie managed to get it, but I didn’t ask. I was relieved enough to be away from Kensington.

Driving around Green Park, Susannah handed me a newspaper she’d been clutching.

‘I don’t know if you’ve seen this Ma’am’

I unfolded the paper and read the headline. Exclusive! Runaway Prince! Prince William walks out on Kate.

I shut it with haste. So this was what Alec was talking about last night.

I said nothing and focused instead on our journey. The drive seemed to be taking us down the Mall and towards Buckingham Palace. As we got closer, a strange noise caught our attention. It was a mass cheering of some sort, but not the type I was used to when standing from that famous balcony. It was more like jeering.

Getting closer to the palace, my eyes connected to the sound.

Up on that balcony, which had been used for so many scenes of celebration was a large group of people waving their arms in victory.

Replacing the red and gold trimmed banner so often used on big occasions was something very different hanging from the the balustrade.

Blue, with a shocking pink cross struck through the middle. The Republic.

‘Good God, they’ve taken the palace’ Susannah gasped.

From the windows of the palace, Republic flags were dotted around, flying proudly.

On the ground, gone were the uniformed guards in their famous bearskin hats. People stood behind the golden gates cheering and shouting, and on the other side, members of the Republic pulled at the chains to let the masses in. News vans were just arriving to the scene.

We watched as the flag rose from the top of the building, where the royal standard used to fly, signifying their final victory.

‘We have to turn around, go a different route’ I heard Susannah say to the driver in panic ‘if they spot Their Royal Hignesses…’

‘Don’t call us that’ I said blankly.

Susannah looked at me but said nothing.

I kept my eves on the palace even as the driver turned the car around. Although I had only been royal for three years, the pain of watching the palace being seized throbbed through me. It was where we’d spent our first day and night as a married couple, where we’d danced all night on the wave of love and affection of the country. And now they celebrated, and no-one; no police, not even Her Majesty’s Armed Forces were there to stop them.

‘It’s over, isn’t it?’ I whispered to no-one in particular.

George let out a long yawn, snapping me out of my daze. I turned to smile at him, he was looking out of the window, with not a care in the world. He was the spitting image of his father. It was then that I finally allowed to let myself think the unthinkable – what if we never found William, what if he was gone.

I held George’s hand, enclosing his chubby fingers in my palm as we escaped from the city.

It was just the two of us now, we were going to have to do this alone.

‘Come on then’ I said, leaning in to him, ‘let’s go find your daddy’.

#katefiction #royal fanfiction #cambridge fanfiction #kate middleton

17 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

How old was the first person you kissed? He was 15 and I was 16.

What would be your typical outfit for a party? I’d just wear my everyday attire.

How do you listen to your music? (i.e ipod, stereo, computer, other music player, etc) Spotify app on my phone.

If your girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? I’m single.

could you go the rest of your life without doing any drugs? I’ve only ever done weed, I’ve had no desire to do any other drug.

last dream you had: Something really weird and random as per usual.

do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I don’t think I’m important enough for others to think about. I sometimes suspect that when I’m not around, it’s like I don’t exist. <<< That’s exactly how I feel.

what is the first letter of the last name of the last person you kissed? V.

do you want to tell someone how you feel? No.

has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you? Something along those lines. I guess they got over that.

is your best friend pissing you off at this exact moment? No.

will you be a strict parent one day? I’m not going to be a parent one day.

For people that don’t know you, what do they think your age usually is? Early 20s. Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? We haven’t seen or talked to each other in like 5 years. We both just went our own way.

Do you think someone is talking crap about you behind your back? I’m sure my former friends had some choice things to say about me when I completely ghosted a few years ago. I don’t blame them at all.

What color was the last pill you took? White.

Has more than one person ever told you they loved you? Many family members, a few friends, my first boyfriend.

The first person you were in a relationship with, do you still care about them? We haven’t talked in over 10 years, but I have no hard feelings towards him at all. I truly hope he’s doing well.

What do you and your friends do when there’s nothing to do? Back when I had friends we’d do stuff like go get food and/or coffee and chill, go to the movies, or just have a movie night or something.

Sex ruins relationships, right? No?

What’s something you’re looking forward to? I can’t wait for it to finally start cooling down, but as of now California is still acting like it’s summer. D:

Last person to stand up for you? I haven’t needed to be stood up for in awhile, but my family always has my back and absolutely would stand up for me if needed.

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? Zero.

Who is the last person to call you? My mom.

Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, a few.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name begins with J? Yeah, Joseph. Any of you who have been keeping up with my surveys for awhile may be familiar with that name.

Something good going to happen tomorrow? I can’t predict the future.

Do you believe exes can be friends? Yeah, it happens. Didn’t work for me in the long run with mine, but I know it can happen.

The last person you kissed hates you. Why? I have no idea why he would feel that strongly towards me. We haven’t interacted in any way in 5 years, for one. Second, he’s the one who hurt me. I don’t hate him, never have, and I’ve long since moved on entirely, but if anyone had an issue with the other I think it would be me.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My mom and brother. I miss going to the movies. The theaters have finally started to open up in my area, but I don’t feel safe going. I’m honestly scared because I don’t know when I’ll feel safe to go anywhere. I literally only go to my doctor appointment once a month and that’s because I have to in order to get my medication. It makes me super anxious just doing that, so I’ve had no interest in going anywhere else. Like how long will it be this way? I was a homebody pre-covid for the past few years, but I at least went on grocery shopping trips with my mom, went to the movies and other random shopping trips now and then, and beach trips during the summer in addition to my doctor appointments (which were 2 appointments a month before this). Now I’m totally cooped up inside apart from aforementioned doctor appointment once a month.

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11? I don’t do anything.

Do you like your cell phone? I was fine with it until it started messing up recently.

Has anyone ever sang to you? No.

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? Nah.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? Yes.

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? We’d really like to move soon, but I don’t think it’ll be within the next year.

What are you listening to at the moment? An ASMR video of course.

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Nope. I don’t plan on ever getting married. And something super drastic would have to change in a short amount of time for that to happen, which I really don’t see happening, so.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Not in the romantic sense, no.

Where is the person you have feelings for? I don’t have feeling for anyone in the romantic sense right now either.

List the initials of every person you have kissed, from oldest to most recent kiss. (Put “?”s in the place of initials you don’t know.) DL, GB, and JV. What’s your favorite high school memory? I liked the rallies, assemblies, and spirit days.

Do you wish you had more money? I mean, that would be nice. It’d sure be a great help.

Do you want to have any children? if so, how many? Nope.

Team Jacob or Team Edward? I was team Edward during my Twilight fangirl days.

Do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? No. I don’t have an issue with someone because of their race or sexuality. If I have an issue with someone, it’s because of something about them as a person, personality wise, and/or something they did.

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex? Yes.

Have you ever liked someone older than you? Just by a couple years.

Are you a patient person? No. Do you think you are a good person? Generally speaking yeah. I try hard not to do things that’ll hurt others. I’m a big believer in letting you do you, as long as it doesn’t hurt or discriminate against anyone else. <<< Well put.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah, many times as a kid. I also licked the brownie batter off the spoon. And guess what? I never once got sick. That was like a very normal thing to do back then and I didn’t know anyone who got salmonella from it. I haven’t done either of those things ever since the salmonella news spread many years ago, but it does make me wonder.

Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’? Well, yeah.

Do you think you’ll be married in three years? Nopeeeeee.

Would you stay with your bf/gf if they did drugs? I’d have an issue if it was anything other than weed. I wouldn’t just end things right then and there, but I would definitely say something about it and encourage them to stop. If they had no desire to stop and didn’t even try then I think I would end things.

Have you ever found someone you really really really liked? Yes.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? It’s best for me to be single and I’m fine with that at this time.

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I’m 31 and still have no idea.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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wonderland-irwin · 4 years

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CALM & Synesthesia — Introduction

A few years ago after Youngblood came out, I posted on here a question, and it was rather simple, and it was like “does anyone else see colour when they hear music?” And then I listed a few examples of songs and the colours I saw. Someone actually responded and said no, but that I should search up Synesthesia, because I probably had that.

I was first of all, extremely surprised that no one else saw colours when they heard music. When I reflect back on my relationship with music (music being my one true love), I realize that colours were always there, I just never recognized it until the 2018 release of Youngblood.

Second of all, I was shocked to hear that these colours and what was happening has a name. It’s a real thing. I have a super active imagination, which probably stimulated and woke this part of my brain up and caused me to become more aware of it, but to find out that I wasn’t crazy was a relief as it was shocking.

Synesthesia (which I can never say aloud with it sounding like a sneeze), in basic terms if you don’t know what it is, is sort of labeling things with a colour. A very common form of Synesthesia is words or numbers to colour. I must add here that forms of Synesthesia cross over, so if you have one type, you most likely also have forms of other types. My main form of this is called Chromesethia, which is sound to colour, but the number seven for me is a pale blue, as is the word February.

Synesthesia cannot be forced. It usually happens unwillingly. Personally with Chromesethia, if there’s a lot going on in my brain or in the world, the patterns still occur, however sort of broken up like a shattered piece of a mirror. It affects very little of the population and some people when in drug hallucinations, may also experience forms of Synesthesia.

I have thought for a while about sharing what I see for a while. I’ve tried to do it with words, but when I see patterns and colours, words don’t really do it justice. So with the recent release of the heartbreakingly beautiful, CALM, I figured this would be a great time to explain first how Synesthesia works for me personally, and take you on a hauntingly disturbing tour of the twelve songs, plus whatever deluxe songs arrive, from 5 Seconds of Summer’s CALM.

Before we get into the songs, though, this part, the introduction, is about how Chromesethia is broken down in my brain.

So this form of Synesthesia is sound to colour. We’re going to start with simple notes, as a song writer may, and build from there.

Each note for me, is assigned a colour. I played trumpet in my high school band, an instrument in C, so my B Flat concert scale starts and ends with C. C itself is a gold colour, G is magenta, A is red, B is Blue, F is green, E is brown, D is a dark grey.

Apparently I can’t put the scale in order today, oh my.

Moving on, those colours are pretty much the same colour wherever they are on the staff, although as the sound does get higher (high C for example) the colour quality diminishes slightly, and becomes more of a white space (Think of it like a light blub, where the centre is the brightest, but has the least colour, and as you zoom out, colour slowly occurs).

In regard to flats and sharps, they will be a paler form of the original colour. So for example, F is green. When you think of green, regular green, this green, that is the green of F. F# for example, is a slightly lighter green. I think this is because that it’s not exactly the full version of itself. Does that make sense? It’s not quite F, therefore F# is not quite that shade of green.

It works with flats too. If you told me to play a Gb, I would see a slightly lighter magenta colour. Not completely the brightness and stricking pink of magenta, but pink enough that it is still a G note.

Instruments also have an effect on my brain. If you were to pull out a flute and play a solid tone, and my brain were to focus on the sound of the flute and not the note the flute was playing, it was see pastel purple or pink. The flute is a rather light and airy instrument, and the colours would the reflect on that sound. However, if you were to pick up a tuba and play a note, I would probably see a darker colour, like navy blue.

Voices also have this effect. If I’m paying great attention to a voice, or I specifically like that voice, I will hear a colour (that sounds so weird. I’ll hear a colour). If there are many people in a room and there’s lots of chatter, then I probably won’t see anything because I can’t focus on one specific element. People singing also have an effect. Sometimes it is a shade or two off of their regular voice, it might be the same colour, or a completely different colour.

Since we’re talking CALM;

Ashton: Ashton has a red voice. When he speaks it’s red. Like just your regular crayon red. However when his voice gets soft like in videos where he’s updating us, thanking us, telling us he loves us, his voice goes to a paler red. I wouldn’t say his voice goes pink, which is a paler red, but the red definitely gets lighter and softer.

When Ash is excited or pumped up or performing, his voice goes to a dark red, like a cherry, and black sort of flicks in every once in a while.

His singing voice follows the same pattern as his speaking voice.

The drums, as that is his instrument, are two different colours. His snares, Toms, anything that gives a solid sound is usually shades of light grey. His bass drum gives dark grey vibes (the tuba/flute effect). And the cymbals are that light and airy sound so they’re gold, breaking that white high sound.

Luke: Luke’s voice is all over the place. He is blue when he talks in his normal voice, green when he sings. I should mention that Luke’s, as well as Ashton’s, falsettos are those white space colours as well. Anyways, the blue is sort of the same when ever he speaks, if you want to search up Prismacolour pencils crayons permanent blue, that’s the colour of his voice. Luke’s singing voice is that green and it shows change as movement through squiggles (aside from falsettos). I’ll explain movement in a bit.

Calum: it doesn’t matter what Calum’s doing whether talking or singing, he is either a chocolate brown colour or the colour of honey. I feel like that shows his range. Calum is very soft when he speaks or sings, and those colours to me are soft colours so they make sense as to why they’re Calum’s colours.

The bass is black and surprisingly gold. Deeper sounding instruments are very dark in relation to the colour. However, I think in the case of bass, specifically Cal’s bass, I find the instrument interesting, and I love playing it myself, so maybe that’s why the gold comes through. Sometimes the colour is just there, and I can’t explain it, just gotta accept it.

Michael: Michael is very interesting because his colours are never really the same. When he speaks, sometimes he’s turquoise, sometimes he’s black, sometimes it’s grey, and then the shades varying between those colours, which is super interesting. His singing voice is kind of scratchy looking. If you took a scratch board and a fork and scratched it up, so it was black with white or grey peaking through, that’s his singing voice. Michael’s voice whether singing or speaking is a mystery to me, but also makes complete sense at the same time.

His guitar, any guitar for that matter, has two different looks in my brain.

When its a single note, even if I can tell what that note is, it’s gold. It doesn’t matter. It’s a black space with gold dots that are the notes.

Okay, now the bass is making sense to me, lol.

When chords are playing, it’s more of a gold square with black lines in a grid pattern (like the neck of a guitar).

So guitars are black and gold, I guess.

Synesthesia is something I am still learning about, so here for example, I never made this connection before.

In terms of what songs look like, most times they reflect nothing of the voice or instruments used. With songs it’s more of an overall picture, colours and patterns taken perhaps from mood rather than notes. Sometimes songs have movement, which reflects the pace of the song, and sometimes there is none. In terms of voice, like mentioned with Luke, when I focus on his singing, it’s a green line moving up and down as he sings over top of the overall picture of the song. Sometimes songs have different images as it moves along, but it will usually look the same and the movement most likely changes instead of the picture. Regarding the colours I see, I usually see no more than 5-7 colours, on average, a song has at least 3. The amount of colours is usually an odd number, which I don’t quite understand, but it’s cool.

I think this is all I want to say about what it’s like for me with Chromesthesia. If I remember anything I will add it into other parts, and each part will have the previous parts tagged to it, so you can find the entire album.

If you have any questions, my inboxes are open!

Red Desert will come out once I finish the colouring. Red Desert’s colours are super bright so I need to colour hard and my pencils are dying. I was colouring it to Thin White Lies last night, which hurt when your eyes are looking at Red Desert but your mind is hearing and seeing Thin White Lies. Tell me why I did that.

OH! Speaking of that, actually, if I see artwork that doesn’t match what my head sees, it will either give me a panic attack or I can’t look at it, because my brain will hurt (a rude side effect that I cannot control). My brain is set in its way and I can’t really change it. This is out of my control. That’s what Synesthesia is.

Lastly, the boys of 5 Seconds of Summer are FANTASTIC at finding a similar, if not the same, colour pallet for their songs that I see. Whether or not any of them have it, I do not know, but I’m glad they’re at least on the same page so my head doesn’t explode when their art comes out.

Okay, NOW I think I’ve said everything. Red Desert will be out soon with a blurb. My inbox is always open for questions! I hope y’all enjoy this thread!

~ becca

P.S if you wanna be tagged in the next parts, I don’t know who’s interested, but let me know!!

#5sos #CALM #synesthesia #introduction #ashtonirwin #calumhood #lukehemmings #michaelclifford

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thosedamnsmoshkids · 6 years

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smosh fandom five fun facts

Heyoo! inspired by @whatisasmosh and joven, i thought why not do something similar to Joven’s five fun facts but for members of the fandom? we’re pretty small and it’ll be nice to get to know each other better!

my main blog is @dostthouhavekittens, (don’t ask where the username came from honestly i don’t even know), but i don’t really post much there. usually just memes i like or shows i’m into with a dash of random stuff

five fun facts!

i’m a cat person (i have one baby beast bun boy whose very dumb but i still love him)

i’ve only had two major injuries in my life. I have a scar on my right eyebrow from where i jumped into the corner of a coffee table when i was three. i have weirdly vivid memories of eating popsicles and watching the ‘the magic school bus’ while they gave me stitches. I also got a concussion a few years ago by being stupid. My brother and I decided to race on uneven ice, and I tripped over a spot and catapulted forward. To this day, i don’t remember anything from after falling until i woke up on the couch with my mom asking me questions about what the date was and what my name was.

i actually have two middle names, one is, which is kinda funny, mari, pronounced the same as takahashi’s is. the other, is cass. I used to use the name as precaution (my mom made me use my middle name online), but it ended up sticking. it’s now the name i use for most of my public social media stuff!

i didn’t get back into smosh until august of this year. about two years ago, i got super into smosh, but only their old stuff. i didn’t want anything to do with games or squad, and i just binged the classic stuff, (boxman, teleporting fat guy, food battle, stevie). [extra fun fact, i actually bought the food battle game when it came out, but my phone at the time only had like 5 gb of storage so the game was super slow and i couldn’t download like anything else on it]. my brother was the one that was begging me to get into smosh (he would later go on to regret letting me get into smosh), but i’m super fucking stubborn so i had to get into it on my own. the first modern smosh video i watched was actually a ‘best of shayne topp’ from Amanda Karlson. i watched it. and then i watched another. and another. and then i watched tntl 9. and then i watched any smosh content i could get my hands on. so, thanks for the compilation because i would’ve never met this community without it!!

CDP is currently my longest piece of writing ever. the next runner up is very far behind at roughly ~60,000 words. basically, my writing keeps getting longer as i go. CDP is also the piece of writing i’ve written in the shortest amount of time. it was an experiment to see how i could write if i had no restrictions on the content (i normally share my writing with my parents, so you can kinda see why i didn’t want them to see some of the stuff in CDP). i don’t actually know where the idea for CDP came from, but i knew that i wanted to write a kickass fic with Joven-Mari friendship, weshire, coze, and shaymien, and some good angst and fluff mixed in. i would say that i still love where it is right now, and i’m super flopping excited for y’all to get to where i am with it. i love talking about this fic so much, so there’s a chance i’ll do a five fun facts for it, because there’s a lot for it

#i actually loved doing this #i should probably tag someone to do this #oh well #meta #cass.txt

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isthisjazz · 5 years

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WORK AND ART: PIANIST NICK SANFILLIPO TALKS ABOUT THE LINE BETWEEN ART AND COMMERCE

When you go to a restaurant and see jazz musicians playing standards in the corner, you may think that they’re just there having fun. However, what is consistently overlooked is how many of these musicians are getting paid to play there as part of a full time career in music. Through my own experiences or discussions I’ve had with other musicians I sense that the general public misunderstands the role working musicians play in their lives or that there are even people out there trying to a living in music at a local level.

To help clears things up a bit, I’ll be writing a series of three articles in which I’ll be interviewing a peer of mine about their experience as a performing musician, how they balance their lives to make it happen, and if they see a delineation between playing music for art’s sake or as a job.

For this first article I talked to pianist Nick Sanfillipo. I’ve known Nick for many years and have always been inspired by his work ethic, his relentless pursuit of his music career, and his attitude about the journey.

How long have you been a full time musician?

I've been a full time musician since I graduated college in 2008. It took a couple years before I could really consider myself "full time" as I was building my name and reputation and making contacts.

On a typical week, how often are you playing out and with how many different ensembles do you consistently perform with?

"Typical" is a difficult word as a musician as nearly every week is different, especially comparing winter and summer months here in New England. Recently I've been averaging about 5 gigs a week, generally with 3 or 4 different groups. I have a weekly Sunday church gig, a weekly Wednesday jazz gig, Friday and Saturday night with a wedding band that plays clubs in the off season, and all those are fairly steady. In addition to a random fill in or pick up gig on one of the other nights.

Do you supplement your income in ways other than live performance?

I teach a handful of lessons each week in addition to gigging. Realistically I do any and all aspects of what it is to be a professional musician: teaching, recording, chart writing, accompanying, etc. But performing is the majority of my work.

How much of your schedule is normally general business, or “wallpaper” gigs versus the ones you play for fun?

Financially, the vast majority of my income is from GB gigs which are usually weddings. We also do a fair amount of clubs in the Boston area in the off season, though I would hardly call it wallpaper in that format. We rock many of the best Boston bars until close and have a good time. I've found I often have just as much fun on these gigs as some of my more musically rewarding gigs. Fun is really what you make of it, I think musically rewarding is probably a better divider for the two gigs. I'd say overall I probably have about 2/3 of my schedule as the "GB" work (a bit more than half).

What do you see as the difference between playing music as art versus as commerce?

I enjoy what I do, and while I agree music is "art" once you start playing professionally and depend on this craft to pay your bills, it becomes more than just art. We'd all love to think that our music — whether it be original or just whatever song we happen to be playing — will be well received, or even loved, but at the end of the day we all still need to eat, and I've grown ok with the fact that not everyone will like what I do. I think a lot of musicians don't realize that many of the patrons at whatever bar/venue they're playing at, are NOT there for the music. Maybe they like the food, maybe their friend is the bartender, maybe they just randomly walked in because it was the closest place at the time. We as the musician need to remember that as a hired musician our job is to entertain the patrons of the establishment, or at the very least, not to drive them off. Unless of course you're a house hold name and selling out Madison Square Garden, then maybe you can do what you want at your show, but even then you don't want ticket sales to drop. Basically, to sum this up, it's all commerce, and yet, it can all still be art as well.

Does it bother you to have to play the commerce gigs or do you see it as a necessary part of the job?

It really doesn't bother me. All gigs can be artistic in their own way. You can learn and grow playing anything, even the simplest thing like Mary Had a Little Lamb. Let's say you have to teach this every week to students, you can use the opportunity to strengthen your singing, your ear training, work on making every note sound perfect, work on the left hand (for pianists), work on intonation, phrasing, tonging, etc. There's always things to be taken from any and every situation. To be honest, many of my "GB" gigs are more well received — and in turn I have more fun — than the "fun" and "artistic" gigs because there's more people that want to rock out and party, than sit down and enjoy some artistic jazz.

In what ways has life as a full time musician lived up to your expectations and what are some ways it’s different?

When I was younger I thought I was only going to play the "fun" jazz/funk gigs where I get to stretch out, take solos, and have some fun with the music. Shortly into my career I realized I couldn't support myself just doing that so I branched out and started playing more styles, specifically pop which I had mostly steered away from. But by playing these gigs that pay better it allows me to do the gigs I still really want to do. I've found that I don't mind playing "pop" and by learning how to play that material including the different "parts" in songs, it has strengthened my overall abilities both on the piano and the academic side of music theory as well.

What’s the one thing people looking to get into a full time music career should know?

You need to be able to take the good with the bad. Not everyone will like what you do, not everyone is at the bar to see you, but as the musician we just have to do our best at all times to put out the highest quality product we can. Don't be afraid to branch out of your comfort zones because the more well rounded of a musician you are, the more you'll work! Learn EVERYTHING and don't be too proud to learn, especially the pop stuff.

Also, make as many friends as you can, you never know which one will hit it big and take you on the road!

Lastly, what’s one thing you wish people knew about when they see live music in a public place?

While this whole thing has pretty much been me harping on the fact that the musician is getting paid for a job and therefore needs to cater to venue’s patrons, there is absolutely a line. Patrons should be courteous enough to not come up in the middle of a song and start talking or requesting other songs. I know some people can play and hold a conversation, but I am not one of those people and I think most musicians aren't. It’s tough enough to play an instrument without someone I don’t know telling me about how their friend plays "wicked awesome guitahh” and expecting a response. When I'm on break, I'd love to hear all about it! Or worse, the person who thinks they play and wants to get up and sit in with the band. If I don't know you, and it's not a jam session, I’m almost certainly not going to let you sit in.

Ben Shaw is a local composer, performer, and writer. Find him at benjaminshawmusic.com.

#jazz #providence #providence music #music #article #long read #interview #nick sanfillipo #jazz music #blog #writing #blogs #motif #motif magazine

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queencryo · 6 years

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Journal 3

now with readmore

Journal 3

So! After typing up the last blog post, it was like… 6 am, or some shit like that. And so I finally went to sleep, very very very tired.

Silly and I had planned for me to have the buffalo chicken dip ready before she got home form work, but I… fucked that up, and slept until like 630 pm. She didn’t seem to be upset by it, but I kind of was so. Anyway!

I started on the dip, and she came home, I welcomed her (I love welcoming her home. It makes me look forward to being here long-term). Dip didn’t get started in the crockpot until like 730, 8 (I had to heat freezer chicken so it was cuttable and not frozen, I used the stove) (normally I use regular raw chicken, but I got nervous while shopping with silly’s mom so I like. Just got freezer chicken.) It turned out pretty well actually! The freezer chicken tasted very good on its own, and I’m just now realizing that after a couple days in the fridge the chicken starts breaking down in the dip anyway (I didn’t realize this until silly pointed it out, cuz I’m a [not stupid, but I don’t pay very much attention to things around me])

On that note, me and silly have started, like. Trying to be mean to ourselves less. It started cuz she. Is very mean to herself, but I then realized I still am too, so we’re! trying to do that less. It’s neat I guess. I like it. Kindness is good.

Don’t remember what was eaten for dinner that night. Something? Went upstairs to watch something while the dip cooked.

The dip was good! Silly says it was good, and that makes me very very happy. I added like. A good amount of buffalo sauce after it was done cooking, cuz it still needed some more kick. Ya know? Some kick? (I’m typing this on my laptop so I’m like. Kind of zoning out while I’m typing it. Dw about it)

Around then I realized that silly might have problems eating that as a meal bc chips are carbs are sugar, so… bleh. Still, *I’ll* eat it as meals, nyeh. I think I’ll ocntinue using raw chicken for the dip at home, it’s nice to have the leftovers from it to put into spaghetti. Chicken spaghetti.

That night I resolved to just not sleep and stay up and eat breakfast with silly before she went to work, because that seemed very fun and nice ya know? Watched a lot of adventure time, I think I’m up to like. Season 5 now (the long one)

But… around an hour before she was scheduled to wake p I was like “oh well I mean it’ll be fine if I just… sleep for an hour and wake up with her…”

Long story short I slept until about 530 pm, and was startled to wake to an empty bed. Apparently I sleepily said I loved her before she left, though, so I guess that’s not a total loss.

So! Later that night, silly comes home all excited, and like. “Hey we should buy an xbox one”

And you know I am nothing if not someone who is willing to make very expensive decisions for like no reason. So long story short we go to gamestop, and make a delightful purchase of Halo: master chief collection, two controllers, Mass Effect: Andromeda, and NO t-shirts that say gamer girl >>>:(

Ate a place in town that is apparently The Local Wing Place. I got. Mild wings, which honestly were barely even hot. I guess I shoulda heeded the menu bit that said the mild was mostly butter. A fool am I. The fried pickles were spears not slices so they were like! Still good, EXTREMELY hot but still good.

Came home, set up the xbox. Halo requires downloading of all the games (because of course). It’s like. 70 GB, but we reduce this by setting Halo 3 to higher priority and disabling Halo 4.

Playing 3 with silly was very fun. She’s way way better at it than me, mostly bc she is smart and stays back whereas I, dumbo raised on normal difficulty that I am, rush in and die quickly in heroic.

She spent like. An hour and a half or something updating her old xbox account. Her new xbox avatar looks way better, and is extremely cool (like her). She says it feels really nice updating all of that to her new self. I can understand the feeling: ridding the wolrd of another footprint of a you that’s a lie is. Very nice, I think.

So we played more halo! No highlights, I think, but it was really nice. And fun. I’m a girl and I’m gay now and I love jesus, but I still love halo C:

I ALSO brought fable 2 along, and played it while silly slept. Gotdamn I fucking love fable 2. Silly says I’m cute when I’m really excited about something. I was REALLY excited about fable 2. I think this is the first time I’ve ever done a run that’s (hopefully) gonna be mostly strength, and possibly I’m gonna use a hammer, where before I always ALWAYS used a katana. But. I just unlocked third level shock (oo) and a very pretty steel cleaver (ooo), so… ….. hopin’ I’ll be a good bastard.

Next day. Went with silly to work, as it was Friday and Time For The Magic Commander (Commeownder, in the local parlance). I only played commander a little bit, though, before silly called me over “hey do you wanna join the draft so that there are 5 rounds and everyone suffers” (my words not hers), and of course yes, that sounds so fun.

So! What draft is is each table (of I think eight people?) opens a pack of cards for each person there. You pick out the card you want from that pack, and pass it on to the next person. Then pick a card from the new pack, then the next, then so on and on. It was very fun, and I fell kinda quickly into running a Golgari (green and black) deck, which went well for me I think? (Also I just. Like golgari. They’re cool, and not annoying like blue). I had a lot of undergrowth effects, which depended on how many creatures I had in my graveyard. MEANING, that I had a lot of creatures in my deck, and enough land to keep them flowing. So, at one point, I had a, I think, 13/13 or 16/16 (idr) Rhizome lurker (gains +1/1 for each creature in graveyard), so that was… cool? Neat?

I won my first match of the draft, largely due to my opponent offering me a lot of tips cuz I was new (the boyfriend (boyfriend, right? They’re not married?) of the person silly had an encounter with a couple months ago. I think that was before we were dating. But that guy was my first opponent, and it went well?) largely due to his help, I won te first game of the match, then the second game timed out.

Second match was against F, who everyone silly knows apparently has a crush on (I also have a crush on them (they/them)), they were very very sweet and I enjoyed my game with them a lot even though they kicked the love of god out of my ass. But they also like. Told jokes during it, so whatevs. (turns out a deck of flyers will kick a goglari deck with no reach/flying in the ass.) they also helped me edit my deck, so that was very very kind of them, and I very much appreciate it.

Uh… other highlights… uh, I played silly’s ex (they dated for like. I think a month? But still. He’s not nearly as big as silly described him), and apparently hurt his feelings because I am a. very very mean and abrasive person if you take the things I say seriously. I. feel bad about that. And I spent the rest of the night noting to please not take the things I said seriously. I ended the night with 1 win, 1 draw, 3 losses, but that’s? very very much better than I expected, tbh. I guess using a deck I actually had a hand in the creation of helps a lottttt. So that’s cool! Silly said my deck was good, but that as after F edited it, so idk if it counts?

Silly says she’s glad I actually enjoy magic and I’m not just humoring her. I do very much enjoy it! I don’t think I want to get to the level she is at (due to cost, if nothing else), it at the very least will be added to my long list of “things I have or had an interest in, that I have a dabbling or casual knowledge of that is beyond the average person by a degree ranging from slight to significant, but still pales in comparison to the knowledge of an actual practitioner”. … this list is much much longer than the list of things I actually know things about. ;;

Spent like 30 minutes after the draft talking with silly and two regulars. I was annoying and unkind, and felt very unhappy with myself following. I also had to actually leave the store after it closed, since that’s like. The Rules. Silence and isolation (waiting in the car) are not conducive to recovery from self hatred, so that festered a little bit. I was fine eventually, though. Uh… yeah! Had to make a mark in my calendar.

Tried to stay up and play fable, but ended up falling asleep like 10 minutes after silly (I am a fucking scourge and I fail regularly to sleep at the same time as her. I am a Night Bitch)

Oh, also I was unmedicated for the entirety of the draft night, so that’de, like… that’s why I was so fucking annoying all day. That just kinda happens when I’m off it long enough, I guess.

I don’t remember more from that night, so let’s move on.

Got up w silly the next day, ate cereal, went up to the store. Woo!

Sat down with silly’s ex, some other dude. Started reading the book gf gave me about Learning Magic Good And Shit, it was actually real neat and cool! Apparently that’s what he wanted for Christmas, so it was. Slightly awkward!

I read that for a while, then joined in on a magic game. Players: one of the regulars talked to last night before closing, some girl I’d never seen called E (who was very sweet, I now love her), and some dude I don’t remember at all.

We had two games, I only remember that in the second one I ran Estrid The Masked as commander, and that was a. Long Fucking Game. Partially because I had like 11 enchantments on the board at one point, and kept using Estrid and Oath Of Terezi (planeswalkers do TWO things on a turn). Uh…

Highlights:

I had “every time someone casts a spell, make them pay an extra mana or else you can draw another card”, which I then doubled with Estrid’s invocation (at least until I had too many cards to know what to do with, so I put some enchantments in the graveyard before I ulted with estrid) I ulted Estrid like 2-3 times, lmao At one point between ults, I had “all enchantments are creatures” on the field, and then E played “destroy all creatures that aren’t pirates”, so I. lost. Uh. All my motherfucking creatures, except Estrid (not a creature), and a God (had a mask). And ALL my fucking enchantments. WARB- anyway next turn I ulted estrid again and got them all back. Lmfao. at the end of the game it cost about 14 mana / creature to attack me, it was AMAZING, the guy who made fucktons of tokens couldn’t TOUCH me so anyway. I used sacred mesa, plus like 48 mana (untapping all my enchanted lands is GREAT) to create 24 pegasi, which then became 24 4/4 flying angels (Divine Visitation), which was GREAT holy DAMN

I lost in the end, got milled by regular dude for like. 55 cards in one turn.

I coulda prevented this by exiling the creatures he used to mill me, but I just… didn’t. Ever. :C because I’m a foollllllll I also could’ve prevented this by swinging angels at him at the same time I killed the other player (E left before then, I guess she had work or something), but I just. Didn’t do that, because I was scared something would happen to them? It was an eminently foolish thing to not do, especially since I could make So Fucking Many angels. Always. Jesus I could make so many angels.

Meanwhile, silly was moving a shitton of boxes for the Big Fuckhuge Sale the next day. I felt bad that I couldn’t help, but I couldn’t bc if I got injured I could sue. Fair, I guess, but doesn’t make it easier to just sit on the sidelines. At least I brought ibuprofen from home.

Said quick goodbye to regulars who were chill, and who I played my first couple of games with.

Silly got told to just. Go home when her shift ended yesterday, which was upsetting bc she’d been looking forward to playing magic like. The whole day. Not quite the same, but we did play a few games when we got home. So that was nice C:

I ate dip for dinner, silly ate chicken buffalo. She is so. SO bad at eating all the meat on the bones. She says it’s cuz gristle is gross, but like .it’s. it’s MEAT. Eat the meat. So I ate all the gristle off the end of her wings while she said I was disgusting.

We finished halo 3 last night. I felt like. Stupid and bad because I was bein a failure at it, but god that was like. Soooo stupid. Lmfao. I shouldn’t have done that!

I finally managed to log in to my Microsoft account. Apparently my fucking username was staffgripper36, and I have no goddamned clue why that is my username for that.

But I made an avatar and she’s like. Cool af and she has a sundress so I guess I can’t really complain too much, can I?

We also started ODST! It is Neat, and I really like it thus far. I can’t remember ever seeing that intro cutscene in my life, but I guess that’s cuz I was an impatient 12 year old at the time, lmfao.

Then I played fable 2 til 7 am while silly slept. I. Don’t know why I fucking did that. I did get married, though. To marion the bookshop owner. We live in the corner house of the bowerstone market, just like the one playthrough of fable wherein I remember the name of my wife to this day (Hannah the Traveller) That house is my Home, you got me?

Finally onto today! 2520 words in. If words were feet, this journal entry would be a half-mile.

Alright… it has now been more than a full week since I started this journal entry. I’m back in Texas, and I… feel bad for that. I fear how much has been lost.

So! Next morning, I get up with silly and we go to The Work Place. The Big Fucking Sale is going on. I still wished I could help more, but unfortunately that is… not a possibility…

Wandered around the store for a while. Picked up: 4000 AD, a very old-looking game that seems neat. Mostly bought it cuz it looked old and aged as shit founders of gloomhaven, a game I got cuz it reminded me of marielda Anime Chess, that’s not the real name but silly said she’d been thinking about buying it for like. A While, so I bought it because I hate her an AD&D character sheets book, that still had some old character sheets in it (fuckin score) some VERY old vampire the masquerade stuff, including what I’m guessing is probably the first book that offered playing a hunter rather than a vampire? Also the sourcebook as of like 1992. More is the same than is different, though I guess that’s also cuz I barely know modern world of darkness

Sat around and read the hunter book for like. Basically a couple hours or something? Idk. Talked a little bit with some of the regulars, T and her boyfriend.

Eventually, left and went to the ice cream store across the street, ate Goat Cheese Ice Cream Oh Boy, and started writing this journal.

I wrote school’s motto on the chalkboard there, and later heard someone say “I… don’t know what that means. Should I know what that means?

Was surprised by the entrance of Silly. Goodness me I love her so much.

We then went home and like. Chilled.

She made alfredo/lentil pasta (so she doesn’t die from carbs) and fish. I, meanwhile, attempted to make raspberry cheesecake.

I got kinda stressed by the cheesecake process, cuz I was trying to multitask but still didn’t feel like I was going fast enough. I started doing that dumb anxiety over-done stuff thing that I do sometimes.

I then proceeded to open a very-fizzed dr pepper and just kinda. Break down a lil bit. I managed to keep it together until I had the cheesecake done, at least, I’m kinda proud of myself for that!

But yeah. Then I started crying or something, I don’t fully remember. I remember I accidentally made silly cry because I am an idiot, and also I was feeling bad because I felt helpless and pathetic, and typical consolation doesn’t really help with that. I’m sorry for that, darlin.

Anyway. She’s a really good fucking cook, like she’s better than my mom and dad both. Like not to be the kinda person who overpraises ther significant, but :eyes: !!! who knew that adding spices and not cooking from a box improved things??? @mom

I don’t really remember the rest of the night, nothing interesting I suppose. We probably played halo odst or something, and cuddled.

The cheesecake was… not to my taste, personally. Silly claims to kinda like it, but personally it fell into the “this isn’t really that good at all, why do I keep wantng to eat it”, probably my favorite part was the pre-baked crust.

Yeah! Stuf like that.

We got up the next morning. Busy day!!! The next 3 days, silly had em off and we were gonna make this day fuckin WORK for us

So we went to like. The nearby game store

There was a cat! And also I bought some magic card boosters. No news. Why the fuck was there a shitton of pathfinder corebooks on the Shelf O’ Unloved Games. Rude.

Had a fun conversation at a pet store

The game store near where silly worked had some things. She got halo 5, meaning she had The Complete Collection, not that it matters cuz everything after reach sucks. But anyway. She also got an application for there! So that’s really good, yay! Woo!

The nearby hobby shop was very neat, it had a shitton of gundam stuff, and like. Model trains! Wow! Apparently model rockets don’t fuckin come with the engine or anything.g that seems a little silly to me. Also they had some 3-d printing stations, but they’re apparently out for now. Idk whassup there.

Got some jingle bells at the nearby craft store, or whatever. Ran into a coworker of silly’s. she revealed that she almost named herself Katherine, and would’ve shortened it to Cat, meaning we fucking skated THIS close to me just absolutely refusing to talk to her in that alternate timeline.

Ate at dairy queen bc I had a gift card

THRIFT STORES

I made some very VERY nice discoveries. Oh HO, how delightful… some nice mugs, that I decided not to get on account of I was already transporting 3 of the things back home. But uhhh…. I got some cute skirts I think, basically just some bottoms, from the first store. Learned that my feet are not made for thrift store women’s heels. Sob.

Thrift shop two I found some very VERY nice things, including BASEBALL MOM SHIRT, and also a shirt for a basketball team for the immaculate conception high school, or some shit. I’m so excited to reveal that one. Also some things that were actually women’s tops, that might actually fit me or some shit (spoiler, they will not once I retry them on) (lol)

I uh… THINK after that we went home? And made tacos!!!!!! Holy shit silly makes such good fucking tacos oh my god. Like. I used to hate taco night at home, cuz that meant like. Dry hamburger meat with Taco Seasoning from HEB, in a hard taco shell.

But. I have discovered the truth of mixing a bit of salsa, corn, and beans into the meat, and getting it all moist, and also applying sour cream to the tacos. God they were so good holy fuck. Holy fuck. What a goddess.

We then proceeded to, I think, finish halo odst. What absolute heroines we are. I think we also watched all of otgw. I gushed about, like. The painfully o bvious metaphors and stuff that I knew about, and silly thought I was dumb I’m sure. But she did cry at the end, bc it’s very good and also because I was crying.

Stayed up later than silly did. Cried a little bit before I went to sleep because I. love her so much. Dear fuck I love her.

Ate breakfast the next morning. Returned from showering to find that silly was shooting me with a nerf gun. The fucker. We had a nerf gun fight and I’m PRETTY sure I got the better of her, because I’m very good and also extremely cool. :3 side note but she’s so amazing and I love her so much. NOT tearing up a little bit about how I am so extremely blessed to have met her. Jesus.

But uh. After that it was time to start packing, kind of. There was a not-small amount of crying. And divvying up of stuff, since I like. Did NOT have space for all of my things. Three piles: taking with me, hopefully to have mailed back to me (seriously, I need some of that stuff please. :C ), and Giving to silly because I love her and I love giving her things.

In that last group was: my first fountain pen (idk if that one or the one leye gave me was the first one I owned. But hey. Meh.) (I’m just gonna pronounce that as Ley-yey for the rest of my life. For anyone who’s not me, though, it’s like lye). She used it to write poetry on the piece of paper I used to demonstrate how to use it, and to get the ink going, and stuff. She then folded it up to look like a heart, because she’s the biggest dork on earth and also my favorite person ever to live. She did this while she was, in her words, “picking stuff out of the downstairs laundry baskets”, which is why I walked in on her doig this. The second time a ploy like this was foiled by my walking downstairs. What a loser. And yes I cried a LOT on reading that poetry, because, just… jesus. How could I not. my tentacle skirt. Please take care of it, it’s important! Hopefully I have found suitable replacements for it… probably some other stuff? I don’t fully remember… sorry….

She gave me the shirt for the now-defunct electric company owned by the Shithead dad of her childhood friend. Holy FUCK the perfect gift for me. Wow. I love artifacts!!! (we are both magpies lmao)

Never did find that pair of compression shorts she gave me last time I was down. I hope those turn up sometime, they were super handy.

Uh… so yeah. We packed up. Got most of my stuff sorted out, and figured out an outfit for the next day. I think here was where we watched otgw, actually. But yeah! Uh…

I don’t really remember much more, except hugging each other and crying. And remembering that soon I would be apart from her and feeling a deep, yawning sense of loss. And a longing to graduate so I can join her up north.

I tried to go to sleep with her, but I failed. I ended up closing my eyes for a little while, then stealing the 8.5x11 boarding pass I printed and gave to her (we each got one of the boarding passes, and one of the like. Ticket printed things? Of when I went up there. Even), and wrote her a letter on it with my/her fountain pen. I don’t remember much of what it said, beyond that I loved her in a way I never thought possible.

Went to the airport. Cried a little bit on the way there. Focused more on keeping intact for both of our sakes, since we were going on the Frightening route to the airport. I started to break down as I started getting close, thugh. Cried into her arms a little more as I got out of the car and left her behind for another few months. God, Ihate it so much.

Writing these journals this far after the fact is bad both because I don’t remember as much, and also because I start missing her all over again. :C:C:C:C:C

But uh… yeah, Ithink that’s it. Became emotionally dead as I went through the airport. Had to rush to make my first flight. Cuz… wanted to spend as much time as possible with my beautiful girlfriend before we had to go to the accursed birds’ nest. The TSA saw me as a girl. That was cool, but then they patted me down real fuckin thoroughly. Ate a biscuit after getting through. Basically slept through the rest of the thing.

Only started crying again once I got home.

Alright. We’re done here I think. I know I forgot a lot and that *hurts* me, but it’ll be alright. Honk.

These journals will likely get less detailed as time goes on. But as their number is yet small I think it’s okay.

#blog #ohio trip 2

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hanleykayla · 6 years

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July 25, 2018

Saturday, July 21

I arrived in Accra, Ghana around 8pm local time. Upon landing, the flight attendants walked up and down the aisles spraying bug repellent so mosquitos wouldn’t enter the plane when the doors opened up at the gate. Not having any bug spray on myself, I was real pumped for what I was about to walk into. We were warned that we could be prosecuted or fined for taking pictures at the airport (which explains why I don’t have any to share) and we exited the plane in the middle of the runway.

The two gentleman that I was sitting next to for the ride was the first example of “Ghanian hospitality” (which is a huge part of their culture) that I experienced. They knew a staff member who worked in the immigration process and took me straight to this officer so my visa processing could be efficient and not as hostile as I was warned it could be. While I was grateful for the quickness of getting through immigration, I felt so bad once I realized how long it was taking for my bag to get off the plane and to the baggage claim. Michel and Paul were one of the first to receive their bags, and after waiting 2+ hours (!), my bag was the very last one off the plane. I tend to be a dramatic person when telling stories, but I am not kidding with this one. It was the very. last. bag.

My mind was all over the place while we were waiting. On one hand, I was worried about my bag never showing up and therefore, having to take on 22 weeks in Africa with only the two outfits in my bag and the two granola bars in my backpack. On the other hand, I was also felt incredibly anxious and guilty about Michel and Paul waiting with me. I kept apologizing and telling them how grateful I was for their care, especially because their uncle was patiently waiting outside to pick them up and they could have left to go home hours ago. I felt like my issue was taking over other individuals’ nights and that did not sit well with me, but the Ghanaian men did not seem to care at all. They said they would be more affected if they left me and spent the next couple days worrying if I ever got my bag and if I felt comfortable in their country. I just kind of stared at them and thought, “if everyone in this country is going to be this nice, I am going to be more than okay.”

Finally, I was outside the airport and met the Volunteer Coordinator from the Cheerful Hearts Foundation, the organization I will be working with throughout my time here. His name is Oppong, and his smile and patience immediately made me feel welcomed. On the car ride to our house in Peace Town, Kasoa, I learned that Oppong will be one of the five people that will be my current housemates. The program I am in is very customizable, which means that throughout my time here, the number of roommates I will have will be ever changing since people can constantly come and go from different countries.

Sunday, July 22

I spent my first morning unpacking and getting settled in. Here is a picture of my pretty-princess bed :) my sister joked that I should have ordered a pink one.

Afterwards, I went on a walk with my roommates to get food from a local stand. We ordered Kenkey, Fufu, and Red Red. KenKey is a some sort of cold blended corn soup with condensed milk and fried peanuts, and I don’t think I ever want to eat it again. But! Fufu was a boiled corn and maize mixture that almost acted as a bread that one could dip in a VERY spicy sauce and/or wrap around fried fish. This wasn’t too bad, although I cannot say that I ate much of the spicy sauce. However, I did eat all of the Red Red - which is simply just rice and beans, and is typically served with plantains.

On our way to and from the food, the children in my town could not stop pointing and yelling “obroni!” (which means “white person!”) at me as I walked past. They would run up to me and try to hang on my arms and/or they would want to rub my skin because it was so unusual to them. I loved every second of it.

Following our meal, we went to the mall which reminded me a shockingly amount of America, I felt like I was walking around Yorktown and I kept thinking “this is not at all what I pictured Ghana to be.” There, I exchanged money and bought a mifi with 6 GB on it for the cost of 177 cidi (about $45) as the office I will be working in does not currently have wifi like they said they would. I can also use this wifi on my phone and to upload these blog posts.

To get to and from the mall, we had to take a TroTro - which is a shared “bus” that is actually the size of a SUV. Men hang out of the windows and keep the doors open so they can stand and ask the people they are driving past if anyone want a ride. While the trotro only has 8 seats in it, they can cram up to 14 people in these cars. For the price of 1 cidi, or 25 cents, I could take a trotro for a 15 minute ride from my town to the closest mall.

We came home, had Red Red for dinner, watched The Secret Life of Bees (weird, I know), and went to bed.

Monday, July 23 - Wednesday, July 25

Throughout my time here, I will be working with the Cheerful Hearts Foundation in Kasoa, Ghana to assist them in their Child Labor and Trafficking project. The goal of the project is to get children off of the shore where they work for/potentially sold by fisherman and back into school. The Foundation does this through three ways: research, sponsorship, and awareness, and my work began this past Monday.

I spent most of my time on Monday and Tuesday in the office reviewing materials and analyzing survey data. The intention was that through this I would get a better understanding of the organization overall, and the issue of child labor/trafficking.

At home, I’ve been adjusting to the Ghana lifestyle - wake up, go to work, show up later than you should, come home, eat dinner around 4:30pm, sun sets by 6:30pm, find something to do until you fall asleep. On Monday, our power went out (which is apparently a normal thing as it is only two days later, and again here I am sitting in the dark...at 6:45pm) so I took a shower in the pitch black and found a cockroach that apparently decided to shower with me. On Tuesday, I showed up to the office at 8:30am as instructed, and my first coworker - who had the key to the office - didn’t show up until 10:30am. My Irish skin and I really appreciated it. On Wednesday, the power went out at work and no one even flinched, but rather just continued working. If this happened back in Chicago, we would have all called it quits and went home.

On Wednesday, I had the opportunity to visit 3 schools in the neighboring fishing villages and I visited the shore in Nyayano where children go to work instead go to of school. While at the shore, I was able to talk to some fisherman and children. I learned that the highest rate a child has been sold in to trafficking for, at least that they knew of on this beach, was 300 cidi. To put that in context, that is less than $100. Due to poverty, threats, and unemployment, families feel “forced to sell their kids to fisherman” as they see it as what is best for them and their future. In their minds, the adults receive money, and their children receive a mentorship to learn a specific skill that they can specialize in, and hopefully use to get a job in the future.

I am only here to learn and not to judge, and that calls for a change in perspective. I am not familiar with this culture, I am not familiar with this environment, and I am not familiar with this lifestyle. So, it is really hard for me to understand how parents could sell their children into slavery basically, and for such a cheap price. But, it is hard for me to believe that anyone would chose to do this unless they felt like it is the last absolute option. They have to believe that any other situation would be worse for them and their children. I may not understand it now, but I have 22 more weeks to figure it out.

But, what I do have to understand is that the scale of privilege and advantage has been extremely tipped for a long time. It might not be my fault, but I could easily say that it is partially my responsibility to tip it back. What I am coming to learn is that it takes a disproportionate effort from our side - our more advanced culture, environment, and lifestyle - to lean the scales back to equality.

Throughout all of this, I have been having a lot of first impressions during my first couple of days in Ghana. And, each impression is fleeting. I can go from feeling passionate and motivated to overwhelmed and lonely in a moment’s instance. What this fleeting-ness teaches me is that none of these perspectives are yet to be true; they aren’t rooted in anything. I am excited to take this experience one day at a time and to continue to figure out what I will learn from this community and what they can learn from me.

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hollyplays · 6 years

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The Roundup: July 2018

It’s been a shitty, shitty month. I’m getting evicted, we got into a car accident, the new insurance has my girlfriend confused for someone with a horrible speeding ticket record, and my little brother, who is learning to drive, has started hiding the car keys for some reason.

I have a tendency to hoard media. During my first year of college I was extremely depressed and contemplating suicide when I read a piece of advice- find something to look forward to, and you’ll never do it. So I started hoarding comics- I think I have 180 GBs of comics on my computer- and movies.

Well, at some point during July things got so bad I started burning through my movies. I’m not sure exactly how many I watched, but...it’s a lot. This is going to be long.

(I have since stopped watching multiple movies a day, and gone back to semi normal movie watching habits.)

Tampopo: I think I technically watched this in June and forgot, but I love it. Tampopo is a “food western” about a group of food enthusiasts helping a young woman perfect her ramen restaurant. Tampopo has lots of smaller vignettes about how food affects our lives, and the result is lovely and comforting and meditative. Tampopo is excellent, and manages to have one of the best opening scenes to a movie I’ve ever seen.

The Exterminating Angel: This was my first movie by Luis Bunuel, and I loved it. This kind of supernaturalish, surreal horror really really works for me. Plus, the rich suffer, which is always nice. This movie is really wonderful, plus the behind-the-scenes stuff on the blu-ray was super interesting. Apparently to make the actors more uncomfortable in the scene, Bunuel would rub honey all over their arms. Nasty.

The Fisher King: My second Gilliam movie. Better than Jabberwocky, but I still wouldn’t call it good. Robin Williams was excellent as always, but I felt like Jeff Bridges was playing half a character. It had some touching scenes, but overall kind of forgettable. I don’t think I’ll be seeking out Gilliam anymore.

Badlands: I try not to judge directors on their first movie, but Badlands really comes out in Malick’s favor. This is as wonderful a movie about a serial killer as I’m likely to ever see. It’s like a landscape painting with characters. It manages to never be slow or drag despite long flowing scenes. I’m still thinking about Badlands more than a month later, and that says a lot.

Where the Water Tastes Like Wine: This is a really interesting game. WWTLW has one of the most unique mechanics I’ve ever seen in a video game, and the process of watching your stories grow and evolve is so, so cool. I wish the overworld map wasn’t so barren, and that the sprinting mechanic wasn’t such a pain, but beyond that this game is excellent. The writing here is top-notch.

Eraserhead: I’d technically seen this before, but I was half asleep so I’m counting it. Eraserhead is obviously good- it’s film history for a reason- but on a second viewing I’m struck by just how impressive the visual storytelling is. The dialogue in this movie could fit on half a page, but there’s still so so much to it. You need to see this at least once.

Frances Ha: “Frustrating, but enjoyable” seems to be Baumbach’s general ouvre, and Frances Ha is no exception. Still, I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. Frances is likable, even when she’s fucking up, which is more than I can say for her life partner Sophie. For as much time as Frances spends making mistakes, it’s really lovely and warm to see things come together for her in the end. Worth a watch, especially at an hour and fifteen minutes.

The Thin Red Line: Jesus christ, this movie is so long. It’s two hours and forty minutes long, and nothing of worth happens after the forty minute mark. It’s a war movie that manages to be beautiful and haunting, which would be impressive if it didn’t just fucking drag. I might watch this again and just turn it off at two hours, honestly.

Days of Heaven: I wanted this to be better than Thin Red Line and it was. Days of Heaven brings Malick’s landscape painter sensibility to labor in the 20th century, and the result is genuinely fantastic. The visuals here are stunning, even if the story is a little lacking- my biggest frustration is that most of the story events take place in the third act, like Days of Heaven is the first part in a series of novels that doesn’t exist.

Fat Girl: I get what this movie was trying to do. I understand the metaphor for how dangerous it is to be a woman. I get it, and I can respect it, but fuck do I hate this movie. I just don’t wanna watch 2 hours of a young fat girl getting shit on by her family, interspersed with rape scenes. I’m not interested in that, no matter how pretty it’s shot.

Mary and the Witch’s Flower: I watched this as a palate cleanser after Fat Girl, and it served that purpose just fine. It’s an okay movie on it’s own, but in the shadow of the rest of Ghibli it kind of pales. The animation and visuals are as phenomenal as ever, but the story is a little all over the place. Definitely still enjoyable, but sort of middling.

Sounds of Summer by Ten Toes Spumoni: If we’re Facebook friends, you’ve probably already seen me talk about this album. It’s been on repeat around here pretty much since it came out. Ten Toes Spumoni is a good friend of mine, and I genuinely believed nothing he made would top Journal of Hypnosis, but Sounds of Summer blows it out of the fuckin water. Throw a few bucks his way, because he deserves it.

Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette: This is a standup comedy act that isn’t particularly funny. It’s amazing, and full of toothed commentary on the world and LGBT issues, but it isn’t funny. It’s heavy, and hard to watch, and worth the trouble. I think this is one of the few things I gave 5 stars this month, and it deserves it.

Wizard of Legend: A big part of watching movies for me this month has been finding the perfect roguelike to play while I watch movies. I eventually settled on Gungeon, but Wizard of Legend was a strong contender too. It’s roguelike elements are really enjoyable, and finding the perfect combination of spells is fun, but resources are a little too scarce for my liking.

My Own Private Idaho: I loved this movie more than I expected to, and I knew I’d like it. My Own Private Idaho offers an exceptionally gay take on modern Shakespeare, and River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves are absolutely phenomenal here. The interview segments are a little hard to watch, but the rest of the movie is beautiful and sad and lovely. One of my favorites in a long time.

Coco: Similar to Witch’s Flower, I thought this was fine. The music is wonderful, and the animation is beautiful, but the story is a little lacking, especially towards the third act. I think Pixar forgot how to write villains that aren’t just ‘good guy’s been bad the whole time’. Hell, even Incredibles 2 did it.Those complaints aside, Coco is really enjoyable and well worth your time.

The Spirit of the Beehive: A meditation on childhood, the Spanish civil war, early film, and Frankenstein. I enjoyed thinking about this movie later more than I actually enjoyed watching it, I think. It’s a little slow, but the third act picks up and wraps the story up nicely. Definitely watch Huellas De Un Espiritu if you watch it, it adds a lot of context which helps the movie out.

Simon Of The Desert: Short movies are nice when you’re watching three a day, so I really appreciated Simon Del Desierto’s 45 minute runtime. It’s both less surreal and funnier than I expected- Simon Del Desierto feels more like Monty Python than Jabberwocky did. Highly recommended.

Cronos: A little disappointing, I’m not gonna lie. I’m a huge Del Toro fan, so I was really excited to watch his first movie, but it left me lukewarm. He describes it as a vampire film, but it takes a long time to find it’s legs. Worth the watch just for Ron Perlman and the scene where a little girl breaks his nose.

The Devil’s Backbone: This is what I wanted Cronos to be. A Del Toro twist on gothic romance and ghost story, Devil’s Backbone is as unsettling as it is charming. The kids in this movie are exceptional actors, and the script sells their childhood so, so well.

The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins: I didn’t expect too much from the graphic novel of TAZ’s first arc, but it really surprised me. Carey Pietsch’s art is just cartoony enough to bely the adult humor in the series, and the characters have been deftly adapted. The first arc in the podcast suffers a lot from ‘pregen syndrome’, where Taako and Merle weren’t super fleshed out, but the graphic novel rights the ship really well.

Black Girl: At 59 minutes, Black Girl is well worth your time mostly for how angry it’ll make you. Black Girl tells the story of a Senegalese woman who is deceived into becoming a house maid for a rich French woman, and the sheer amount of bullshit she puts up with before losing it makes her a saint in my eyes. I enjoyed this movie a lot, and I’m excited to see more African cinema.

A Hat In Time: I’ve played the shit out of this game and it never gets old. A Hat in Time is as charming as charming gets, and it perfectly recreates the feeling of playing Mario Sunshine for the first time. Only, you know, Hat in Time is fun.

Pony Island: Pony Island is one of those games that’s just a little too short- not because it feels rushed, but because I wished there was more when it ended. It’s a little cheesy in places, and the dialogue is a little slow, but the puzzles are perfectly scaled and the sense of humor is really great.

Styx: Shards of Darkness: This game might be good. I don’t know. The main character’s dialogue was so shitty I only played about 40 minutes of it. Imagine the mechanic in Jak & Daxter where Daxter makes fun of you when you die, but they got the writers from Family Guy really drunk and had them write it and never told them no.

#holly talks #holly plays #the roundup #july 2018

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zehecatl · 3 years

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have this slide from my ‘please watch GB i am begging you’ presentation, because i love them a Normal Amount

#ze.txt #you might be thinking 'wow! they sound kinda gay' and i am so excited to tell you it gets gayer

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toolshome-blog · 3 years

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How to choose a non-stick pan

Talking about the health risks of non-stick (PTFE) coatings

Since the invention of the non-stick pan, because of its excellent non-stick properties, it has entered thousands of households. Even a cook can quickly learn to become a gourmet expert.

In the eyes of academics, even the professors in the university’s ivory tower have no problem with the safety of non-stick pans. But there are always rumors in the market that non-stick pans are toxic and have the risk of causing cancer.

As a person in the cookware industry, it is quite complicated to clarify this issue. Three concepts should be distinguished here, non-stick materials, non-stick coatings, and non-stick coatings.

Now the most widely used non-stick material on the market is polytetrafluoroethylene (PTFE), which is known for its good chemical stability, high-temperature resistance, and low surface tension (non-stickiness).

PTFE was first a by-product discovered by DuPont engineers when they were studying Freon. They discovered PTFE when heating refrigerants such as R12 and R22. The general principle is that R22 is decomposed into tetrafluoroethylene and hydrogen chloride when heated, and tetrafluoroethylene is spontaneously polymerized into polytetrafluoroethylene when heated.

This route was also used in the industrial production of PTFE, but tetrafluoroethylene was introduced into an aqueous solution of perfluorooctanoate (PFOA) for polymerization (the topic of PFOA will not be continued in this article). There are two types of finished products, one is PTFE resin powder, and the other is 60% PTFE concentrated dispersion. The industry will choose different types of PTFE products according to different uses.

The toxicology of PTFE is relatively clear, its chemical properties are stable, and the health risks are small. Even in the process of high-temperature use, tetrafluoroethylene will be decomposed in a small amount when the temperature exceeds 250℃, and the toxicity of tetrafluoroethylene is also very small. Here is a little mention. As the temperature increases, the decomposition of PTFE accelerates. When the temperature exceeds 450°C, two molecules of PTFE polymerize into perfluoroisobutylene due to the increase in the amount of tetrafluoroethylene decomposition, which is a highly toxic substance. However, the use of 450°C is destructive, and of course, it is not considered. This is also the reason why most so-called science articles say that non-stick pans are not risky.

The excellent properties of PTFE materials were immediately introduced by cookware manufacturers, appearing as corrosion-resistant and never-sticky. But there is no eternity in this world, as sung in a song: You once said to me, you always love me, I understand love, but what it is forever.

Before making non-stick pans, PTFE must be formulated into coatings to facilitate production and construction. We know that the formulation of paint contains the following parts: main film-forming substances, auxiliary film-forming substances, additives, pigments, and fillers. PTFE is the main film-forming substance of non-stick coatings. Generally, the 60% concentrated dispersion mentioned above is used to make water-based coatings. There are also PTFE powders, but they can only be formulated into oil-based coatings because performance and environmental pollution (VOC ) Are not adopted.

PTFE is a white solid, but the non-stick pan you buy is generally black it is added with black paint. Some non-stick coatings will add some wear-resistant materials to improve the hardness and wear resistance of the non-stick coating. The paint needs to reach a certain viscosity before it can be applied. Otherwise, it will flow away like water on the cookware, which is not good, so the material that increases the viscosity must be in the paint. There are a lot of miscellaneous things, and various additives are always added to ensure the stability of the coating. Otherwise, the coating supplier will provide the coating to the cooker manufacturer, and the coating will precipitate, which is bad. As for what these substances are, this is a trade secret of the non-stick coating supplier, so I won’t tell you.

Someone has said, is it really good to make so many chemicals in the pot? You are not anxious, please continue to look down.

The non-stick coating is made into the non-stick coating on the non-stick pan. After the following steps, the metal substrate is cleaned and reached a certain roughness, sprayed with a certain thickness of the non-stick coating, and sintered in the sintering furnace. The sintering temperature of the sintering furnace is generally 400-430℃, and DuPont is 420-430 for more than 5 minutes. The paint supplier said that the organic host I added evaporates at a high temperature above 400℃, and the non-stick coating in the non-stick pan does not exist.

Of course, this is just one side of the paint supplier. As the saying goes, one foot is high and the magic is high, but as a supervisory unit, it is necessary to monitor food contact materials such as non-stick pans. Therefore, corresponding hygiene standards are specified, although there are sometimes problems with supervision due to commercial secrets.

As food contact materials or processing containers, it may come into contact with various chemical substances. Of course, boiling water is relatively weak for non-stick coatings. European standards will take into account the extraction of organic residues from olive oil at 60°C, which is closer to the actual; Chinese standards Normally hexane is used, and the operation is relatively simple. As for the possible heavy metal risks in pigment fillers, use boiling 4% acetic acid to test.

The evaluation of the risk of heavy metals is relatively simple. The lead, chromium, nickel, cadmium, arsenic, and other elements have ready-made indicators, that is, the daily limit of intake (ADI). According to the ADI value, take a certain percentage. The maximum single element migration of acetic acid can be agreed upon. Coating suppliers can control the risks if they control the source well.

However, the residual organic additives are extracted by organic solvents. What is the substance inside? After a high temperature of 400 degrees, I guess my parents: I don’t know anymore. Only a total limit can be specified. For example, the Chinese standard GB 4806.10-2016 stipulates that the limit value of total migration is 10mg/dm2. As for why these values are, the different harmful substances from different production lines will have different risks to the human body. Yes, when I consulted the SGS laboratory, the answer was: After evaluation by relevant European scientists, it should be safe below this limit value. That tone is like asking DuPont engineers about the safety of PFOA substitutes. DuPont engineers replied that our substitutes were successfully developed by American laboratories, and the R&D personnel there are all PhDs in related majors from prestigious American universities. The subtext is that you, domestic turtles, don't question it.

Back to the total migration, for example, the same PM2.5, the value is 50, one value comes from the dust on the road, and the other comes from the smoke and dust in the chemical plant area. You told me that the risks of these two are the same. I believe you a ghost.

Sure enough, starting in 2011, Europe began testing non-stick coatings for individual harmful organic substances, and the first exposed at the foot of the iceberg were polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs).

You may be relatively new to polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, but benzo a pyrene (BaP) in polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons is a famous carcinogen. There are many carcinogens in polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons. There are 18 types of PAHs in Europe that need to be tested. Less than the limit value is considered safe.

Polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons come from incomplete combustion of organic matter, coal coking, and smoking can all be produced. The sintering process of non-stick coatings, in which the organic additives undergo a high temperature above 400 ℃, is an incomplete combustion process. Although the polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons that may be produced are discharged into the atmosphere through the exhaust system, there is always a small amount of inclusion in the non-stick coating. This is the reason why I have been thinking for so long.

Europe has established PAHs standards, so European brand non-stick pans should be safe. That is not necessarily, the implementation of a new standard is not so easy. Vested interest groups, European cookware manufacturers, are not easy to meet the standards. The return air system and exhaust system of the sintering furnace determine the residual amount of PAHs in the non-stick coating, and it is not easy for European production lines to pass.

This is like China's national standard. Everyone meets GB, and some fail to meet GB/T. The routines are the same. For domestic non-stick pans supplied to Europe, PAHs are not mandatory to be tested, and it is not always that Europe deliberately let Chinese companies out. Of course, the Chinese standard only tests total migration, PAHs, and does not recognize it. Even the original heavy metal test is for several elements. GB 4806.10-2016 only requires the test of leadership, which is bad.

Next, let's talk about the second harmful thing that emerged from the foot of the iceberg.

In the beginning, the non-stick coating was a single-layer coating. Although the non-stickiness is very good, the adhesion to the metal substrate is not good. Consumers may boil saltwater at home and the coating will blister and fall off. The coating supplier gave the solution to be a two-layer coating or a three-layer coating. Whether it is a two-layer or a three-layer, the resin used in the primer must have a good bond with the metal substrate, and then the bottom resin and the PTFE of the surface Together. There are many such high-temperature resistant resins. The resins that enter the primer of non-stick coatings include polyamide-imide (PAI), polyethersulfone (PES), and polyethersulfone is not used much. The most mainstream bottom layer is polyethersulfone. Amide imide.

PAI has both amide bonds and amide bonds. It has the advantages of polyamide (PA) and polyimide (PI). The monomers before polymerization are trimellitic acid and p-phenylenediamine. The strength is better than PTFE, and the heat resistance is equivalent.

Although PAI has better high-temperature resistance, it will decompose at 420°C. The products of decomposition are more complicated. The harmful components are called primary aromatic amines (PAA). Primary aromatic amines are also a large group of substances. This species is also a strong carcinogen.

As mentioned earlier, PAHs mainly comes from the incomplete combustion of organic additives. Organic additives have begun to volatilize before 420°C, and most of the products of incomplete combustion are on the surface. The decomposition temperature of PAI is above 250°C, and PTFE begins to sinter at this time, and the decomposition product PAA is biased toward the bottom layer.

The European PAA test method is 3% acetic acid soaking. However, the method of soaking can only migrate the PAA on the surface layer, not the bottom layer. For European consumers, the surface coating is fluffy, and this non-stick pan is thrown away, but Chinese consumers always make it alive and use it again.

The detection status of PAA, there is no mandatory detection in Europe, the same as PAHs. It is also the same as PAHs in China, without testing.

Another problem is in use. I told you with all my heart that you cannot use it above 250°C. This is not a lie to you. Although the decomposition products of PTFE are harmless, the decomposition products of PAI are harmful. There are also non-stick pans with damaged non-stick coatings. Throw them away instead of using them alive.

Final statement: The main health risks of non-stick pans come from the PAHs produced by the incomplete combustion of organic additives in the production and the PAA produced by the decomposition of the primer during the production and use process. Because of the incomplete or ineffective implementation of laws and regulations in various countries, the risk is uncontrollable. But the risk is not so great, it is always much smaller than smoking.

#non-stick pans #non-stick coatings #cookware #pots and pans #kitchen utensils #kitchen appliance

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