#because dear god i am in more pain every day

[zombieunicorngamerzu]

(Astarion x fem reader)

[Warnings - love confession, P-N-V, cream pie, lovemaking, marking, claiming, soft dom Astarion, sub reader ]

“How many times do I have to tell you Astarion, no!” You snapped for the upteenth time at Astarion’s desperate attempts to accept his advances, but not because you didn’t like him, it was actually the opposite… you loved him. That’s why you were trying so hard to keep him away, you were growing dangerous and unpredictable with the tadpole in your brain, it manipulated you into doing dangerous, evil things, and you were terrified of your impulses that you were getting weaker and weaker to control by the day. You were turning into a monster.

“Why not?!” He cried out with a usual fit, “Is it me? Because I really need to know if this is you just trying to play hard to get or if you genuinely hate me, it’s getting hard to tell, dear!” He waved his hands in the air in a defeated gesture, his expression softening slightly as he stepped closer, his tone softer, “Is it me?”

You looked at him with such a pained expression, you were so conflicted, so scared, you knew he wouldn’t give up unless you blatantly rejected him and even then he still might keep trying, but that wasn’t even it! You loved him… but you couldn’t risk hurting him, even if that meant loosing him In a way, and you knew if you told him what you actually thought he would never give up, but hearing him voice his insecurities of himself… thinking he’s the problem… when he’s not, nor could he ever, it broke your heart to see the look on his face as he awaited your answer. “No Astarion, it could never be you, there’s not a thing wrong with you that i dislike…”

“Oh don’t go and do the whole “it’s not you it’s me” phrase, don’t make ME feel guilty just because you don’t like the man I am, or what I am… just be honest if your disgusted by me, if you don’t trust me, if you fear me, but DO NOT LIE TO ME!” He cried out in a rare moment of vulnerability, he’s had this built up for as long as he could, but now he’s finally broke, “I’ve had enough of that in my life…” he spoke out so softly, his head drooping down as he frowned, trying not to tear up or let his voice crack. Gods… he loved you so much he would tear out his own heart right now if that’s what he needed to prove it. “Please Y/N… just give me a chance, I swear… i-i can change, I can be a better man, I-“ you had to cut him off.

“Astarion, enough!” You couldn’t bear to hear him speak like this, you didn’t want him to change, he was perfect. “I don’t want you to change a single thing about yourself…” Those words themselves seemed to shock him, his head leaning back just a little with a stunned, puppy dog-like look before he spoke, “Well then what is it?! Here I am bearing my heart and soul out to you and you just say, no? Without an explanation, I-I need more than that!” You were staring to tear up at this point, just dropping your head with a heartbreaking sigh that he caught, stepping closer as he took your hand, “Darling please… speak to me, whatever it is… just tell me and we’ll deal with it, together. I can handle whatever daddy issues or baggage you may have so just blurt it out!” He chuckled wearily, but he was concerned overall for you seeing how much you were struggling, he realized this was something more.

“I-I’m changing Astarion…” you spoke out with a shaky tone, your lip quivering as tears started to fall down your cheeks, “And I’m scared, I’m turning into something… dark, I can feel it growing every day, and I’m terrified I’m going to just- loose control, I-I feel like a monster, I don’t even think I’d realize if I was already one, but I can’t risk hurting you, killing you…” you spoke out your fears with such honesty, such vulnerability, you just decided to be honest, maybe you could console him and convince him to leave you after you voice your concerns. “Darling, you are far from a monster.” Astarion scoffed, chuckling as he leaned his head back, motioning his hand towards himself, “Y/N, if you are a monster… I-I must be… Lucifer reincarnated, the embodiment of evil! And even if you were a monster I would still love you, hell- if you start to get all growly and nippy, I-I’ll tie you up and feed you squirrels to sate your bloodthirsty hunger!” He blurted out making you burst out a few giggles through your tears, making him smile with pride at making you laugh.

He stepped closer again, inches from you as he rested his hands on your shoulders to rub soothingly, “Was this really all it was, just you scared to… hurt me?” He scoffed with a gentle tone, he was surprised and just dumbfounded. You just sighed and looked up into his eyes, such a beautiful brown, and the gentle expression on his face, the slight head tilt as he awaited your answer, it made your heart flutter at how gentle he was being. “Astarion, what if I-“ he put a finger to your lips, cutting you off, “No more what ifs. Do you love me?” He asked bluntly, staring into your soul with such a look of determination, he would not give up on you, no matter what. You lifted your eyes to meet his with a pained expression, quiet because you knew you did, you knew if you said yes, he wouldn’t never let you go, but if you said no, you know he would know you were lying, you both could see how much each other cared for one another, the amount of times you’ve come close to death just to have the other race to each others side with such fear in their eyes that the other would die before either of you got the chance to just confess your undying love.

“You know I do…” you nodded with your honest confession, making him smile with satisfaction, cupping your chin in his hand before he pulled you closer, “Then that is all I need to know, I get to choose how I live my life… not you, I get to make the decision to stay, to love you, I’ll deal with the consequences myself.” He spoke with such passion before tilting your face up, his face inches from yours with his eyes locked on yours, “Now may we stop this torturous foreplay and make love already?” He smiled so adorably, tilting his head, “May I kiss you and make you mine, love?” Those words made your heart beat alive you swore and all you could do in that moment was nod as the last few tears fell down your face, meeting him in a passionate love-felt kiss.

Astarion’s arms wrapping around you protectively to cradle your body closer as he deepened the kiss, his hand cupping the back of your head and only pulling back when you needed air only to pick you up with a smile, your legs wrapping around his waist as he spoke, “Now, my love, I’m going to take you back to my tent, no- OUR tent now and make bedbreaking love to you until the entire camp knows your… mine…” he growled out those last few words possessively before carrying you back to his tent, it was daybreak, making his skin have a golden glow, his silver hair looking lightened by the dying sun, you were relieved, scared, anxious, but surprisingly, you just knew it would all be okay.

As he laid you down on his bedroll, Astarion did his very best to be caring, gentle, kind, and most of all respectful as he carefully stripped you bare of your armor, kissing every inch of bare skin he revealed, starting with your neck, then your shoulder, then down your arm, the back of your neck, down your spine… until every article of your clothing was off so he could admire every inch of your body, his voice husky as his eyes grazed over you with adoration and affection, “My love, your… gorgeous, ethereal, breathtaking…” he moaned out huskily with a whine as he helped you to lay down, tilting his head as he gazed down at you, knelt between your thighs still fully dressed in his white tunic shirt and black leather pants that were now a little strained around the nether regions due to you did he start to strip for you, pulling his shirt over his head to reveal his pale skin and rippling abs, his chest rising and falling quicker with his excitement that was also shown between his thighs, straining through his pants he wanted to rip off for being in the way of him and you.

But he couldn’t wait, having to lean down in just his pants to kiss you tenderly, now that he had you, he just didn’t want to part from cherishing you even for the little time it took to undress himself, he just needed to feel your love, your touch, he waited long enough, “Help me, my love, please…” he whimpered out against your lips with a desperation, making you nod through breathy moans and breathes as you slid your hands down to unbutton his pants, shoving them down so he could kick them off, revealing his generous length, he was perfect, not too girthy or large, but just right, and so so pretty, his tip a angry pink and already dripping pre-cum for you, he was throbbing and impatient, but he was restraining himself. Astarion wanted this night to be perfect, not just lust. Love. He wanted to love you. To make slow and passionate love while worshipping your body to greater lengths then you’ve ever had, he swore in that moment to protect and cherish you for all off eternity, Gods be damned.

“I love you, Y/N, monster or not.” Astarion whispered out as he hovered over you, his arm holding him up as he guided his other down to his length to press his tip at your soaked entrance with a pleasured growl, gently pressing in until you gasped from the intrusion, making him still so you could adjust. He brought his hand up next to caress your cheek, leaning down for another deep kiss to distract you as he pushed in deeper slowly, making you arch with a whine against his lips at being filled, the stretch felt so good, and due to just how gentle he was being with you, it only made you wetter, you’ve never seen Astarion like this, so serious, so passionate and caring, so sincere… but as he started to slowly move, gentle thrusts accompanied with his deep breathy moans and various kisses littered across your collarbones before he dipped down more to suck one of your nipples into his mouth, making you gasp and arch, threading your fingers in his hair to tug which only made him groan with pleasure and nip at your nipple before thrusting a little harder in return, making you moan out loud.

The pleasure and passion only burned brighter as the time went on, Astarion focused on littering your skin with Marla of his claim as he pumped his cock inside you with a mission to claim you as his own, his eternal love… you both were matching each others moans, your thighs wrapped around his waist as he pounded into you, getting you closer and closer to your release which he could feel building with how your walls were pulsing around his cock, it made him gasp and moan, his hands pushing your knees up to your chest before he started to thrust more intensely, his focus on making you cum, getting his pleasure from your whines and cries as you sung such a pretty song for him. He could feel your slick coating his cock, watching his cock as is disappeared inside your tight wet heat repeatedly, it was enough for him to shutter and tense, moaning out loud, “L-Love, I’m close, please… ugh… cum with me, my love!” There was no way you could have held back with Astarion begging you with that breathless tone and stuttering thrusts, you felt his cock throb inside you which only made you shutter and moan with a nod as you placed your hand on his chest, gasping and arching as your eyes squeezed shut, crying out as your walls clamped down on his cock, covering his length with cum which only made him moan so passionate and loud with no shame, “Yes, darling, good girl! Cum for me, cum all over my cock, god! I love you!” He cried out, falling over you before wrapping his arms around your waist, thrusting sloppily before moaning into your ear as his orgasm hit him, his cock throbbing before his cum spurt deep inside you, filling you with his seed as he panted and groaned, his hands lazily stroking your lower back, his voice softer as he came down from his high, “Your mine…”

(Now I’m a lesbian… but this man makes me question myself…)

[streets-in-paradise]

In These Arms - Achilles x (Fem) Trojan!Reader

Warnings: Paris dumped the reader for Helen before she gets to meet Achilles. Includes break up angst + discussion of cheating.

Summary: Heartbroken and publicly humilliated after being abandoned by Paris, you seek peace in the promise of giving up on men without realizing the consequences of his actions would find you one last time.

Turned into a war prisoner and handled to the leader of the myrmidons, the unusual comfort of your master offers you a second chance.

Note: Inspired by two prompt lists by my dear friend @alysinwonderland-at-tea

Angst list - Prompt 4 " Everyone told me you were going to break my heart. I should have listened to them. "

Fluff list - Prompt 2 "I think about you. Ceaselessly."

Tags: @lovelybaka

If everyone else in Troy had reasons for sorrow, on top of theirs you were the most damaged. The man you loved had returned home bringing someone else on his charriot. A stolen queen, woman you didn't have the slightest chance of comparing yourself to given the charm of her famously inhuman beauty. Even when Paris never made any expressed promises priorly, love confessions had once been mutually retributed and you believed in that.

You trusted him going against the advice of many people who attempted to warn you. His own brother had told you that no matter how much he spoke of it, Paris knew nothing about love. Blinded by your feelings, you didn't care, and it turned out the worst mistake of your life.

" Everyone told me you were going to break my heart. I should have listened to them. "

It took you all the strenght you had left not to cry, but at that moment of confrontation it was him the one sobbing in front of you.

" I never meant to! Dear, what I felt for you was real … But it wasn't true love, and I had no way to tell the difference untill I meet Helen. "

You couldn't believe the excuse that was being given to you.

" It was for me, Paris … and because of you I think I will never love again. I gave you everything, but turns out all I am wasn't enough. "

The assumption seemed to have offended him.

" You know I don't mean that! Please, try to understand! "

" What's left to understand? You betrayed your homeland and you betrayed me. You too deserve each other, indeed: a cheater for a cheater … Lovely couple to doom us all! And me the first."

He gave you a hurted look, as if after what he did he still cared for your forgiveness.

" My heart breaks for you, and i am ashamed of myself for the pain i'm causing you … But what can shame do to stop the intensity of love? I would have never accompanied Hector to Sparta if I would have known there I would fall like this for someone else. I couldn't return pretending nothing have happened, and making you live a lie would have been even more unfair than this. You deserve better, I still hold good feelings for you. I swear it on these arms that had comforted you countless times before. "

Paris attempted to pull you closer for a hug, but you stopped him ríght away.

" You humilliated me in front of the entire city! And how strongly I wish I could get granted the mercy of never seeing you again, but Troy is not big enough for that. Blessed is the king of Sparta, who gets the ríght of spreading hate without having to see his wife in the arms of other man every day! Me, instead? I get doomed to watch you smile happyly from afar in the balcony of the palace alongside your mistress for the rest of my life. Do you call that justice, Paris? If that is your mercy, I would rather get your hate. "

In the most twisted way possible, the gods granted at least one of your wishes.

Promising yourself to never love another man ever again after your first love had ended so bitterly, you took the first step into the only path allowed for a woman in your position. With the help of Briseis, who remained your friend despite what happened with her cousin, you seeked to get choosen to take vows in her temple. It was a quick way to restitute your honor in the public eye and be left alone as well. Unfortunately, you didn't get to even try on the priestess robes before the concecuencies of Paris' actions reached you once more.

Greek warriors brought to avenge the husband of his new lover destroyed the temple, killing the priests and taking you prisioner. You would never get to see the great city of Priam again and, despite the sorrow you felt when thinking of your family, that also caused you a dark sense of relief. Because of Paris you have lost everything, even the most bassic of goods such as your freedom. Only after loosing so much, of hitting rock bottom, you had a real chance to be free of him.

Enslaved to Achilles, but liberated from everything you were before, the worst part was having to stand the provocations. The myrmidon enjoyed himself attempting to seduce you, but wasn't forcing you into his bed, and that worked good enough for you in that context.

At one given time you did found his teasing going too far, and only then you became fully honest with him.

" Why did you choose to love a god? I think you will find the romance one sided. "

It made your blood boil, even if you could tell he spoke to you like that because he had no idea of who you were despite knowing your name. Achilles believed to be teasing a priestess and in the discoverment of his mistake you ended up laying eyes on him for longer than you should.

He was wearing the same type of long egyptian styled robes Paris would typically wear in the domestic environment, keeping arms and shoulders covered while fully exposing the torso. It was matched with the same sort of long skirt made of light fabrics opened at the side for more cassual expousure. You could vividly remember he wore a black outfit almost identical to that one during the first night you made love.

And yet, that man looked nothing like him. His sun kissed skin and the sculpted muscles were as contrasting as his blond hair and blue eyes.

" I have choosen nothing, fate forced me to seek shelter in the cult of Apollo after being abandoned by the love of my life. I told myself that, if i could never love again, I could at least give my devotion to the regent god of my city. Because of you I never got to become a priestess, so now i'm a double spoil: rejected for marriage and dragged out of the temple. "

Although standing ríght in front of you, disbelief faded some of the cockiness.

" You won't be rejected here, that's a promise. I had a minor altercate with Ajax because we found you so pretty we both wanted to keep you."

He sat on the ground ríght next to you and observed you with tenderness before taunting you once more.

" Did I ruin your life, or arrived just in time to restaure your faith in men? I don't understand how a girl like you could think of running to hide inside a temple instead of getting herself a better man. "

You answered with the truth, but carefully crafting enough disdain.

" There was nothing I could have done to keep him with me when the competition was the most beautifull woman in the world. The majority of men would have done the same, and that's why I have choosen not to believe in any other ever again. "

Achilles wasn't expecting to find out he was struggling for the attention of the woman that the trojan prince had left behind in his pursuement of the spartan queen.

" Will all mankind pay for the crimes of Paris? That bastard is not even a man. You are so much better without him, consider that perhaps the queen has made you a favor. If he is your reason to give up on men, I have to say it's quite offensive for the rest of us. "

You could tell where his speech was coming and you tried to stop him.

" You would have given me to Ajax if Briseis wouldn't have ran away. I didn't left with her only because I have nothing left to live for. Living in Troy is unbereable for me, but at least here I don't have to worry about seeing them and that's the only perk i expect. Don't try to pretend you could be any different, specially when I'm here because you couldn't find any other more beautifull slave girl to claim yours. "

His hand was then on your face, lifting up your chin so your eyes won't leave his as his thumb caressed your lips.

" I think of you, ceaselessly. If there is any daughter of trojan judged more beautifull than you, I don't need to know and I don't care, because I want you over any other. "

Your hand followed his and pulled down, rejecting his contact.

" Sweet lies won't win me over, not this time. "

It frustrated him, but wouldn't make him desist.

" Would you believe me if I bring you his head on a spear? I can make him cry a painfull death to pay for your tears. Whatever vengeance Menelaus dreams of would be called mercy compared to what I can do to that trojan bastard in your name."

The strange rush of passionate defense encouraged you to reveal yourself.

" Revenge is not on my interest, all I want is to forget. Can you make me stop thinking of the first man who made my heart beat? The moments when we were happy still haunt me like a disease of the spirit, but then I remember someone else occupies my place now and it's like my heart gets eaten raw inside my chest. Pain and regret is all I have for you, son of Peleus. Paris drained me of anything else. "

Achilles got rid of his black robe and wrapped your shoulders with it.

" One night in my arms is all i think that would take me to vanish the memory of that fool from your mind. You haven't yet been loved by a real man: whatever he gave you would taste like few once you would have tasted me."

The fabric was still warm from the contact with his skin and he was holding both sides of it on top of your chest in an attempt of wrapping you tighter.

You didn't try to escape him that time and he used the new proximity in his advantage to trap you in his strong grip, pushing your body against his.

" In this arms you will find happiness again, if you allow me to show you how good I can do just for you. "

[blindmagdalena]

Okay so on the topic of John being so fast to cum, I like to think he’s got a thing for overstimulation. So, realistically it’s not an issue if he cums fast because he’s certainly going to make up for it. It literally lights my brain up to think about him coming in you and fucking you through it. Just imagine the faces he’d make. It could definitely go hand in hand with his need for praise. He’d be practically sobbing by the time you were done 🤤 I am a whore for desperate, unraveled Homelander

18+, overstim, oral sex, praise kink, sublander.

By the time Homelander sinks into you, he's already on the verge of losing it. He's been waiting for this all day, edged by your promises of what was to come. It started with just a suggestive text this morning, and snowballed into you sending him photos that had him clenching his fists tight enough to split the leather of his gloves. Even now, your breath is hot in his ear, whispering filthy praises.

"Faster," you moan, arching into him. "I wanna come on your cock. Can you do that for me, baby? Fuck me until I come?"

Homelander keens through his teeth, head bowed to your chest, face locked in concentration. "Y-yeah, I want-I will, I'm-" He wants to. More than anything, he wants to pound you senseless, but he's been so worked up all day, if he moves any faster he knows he's going to come. You're doing nothing to help his cause, tangling your fingers in his hair and speaking so sweetly to him. He hates the way it makes him whimper.

"I'm gonna come," he finally confesses, face buried in the crook of your neck, the shame of it thick in his voice as he stops, buried deep, throbbing from his head to his toes. He wants so badly to be good for you.

Without missing a beat, you tell him, "It's okay, baby. Come in me, but don't stop until I come, too."

Bracing your feet on the bed, you thrust up against him, shocking a needy little gasp from him. Grabbing a handful of his hair, you kiss and lick at his ear, rocking your hips, egging him on. "Go on. It's okay. You're gonna be so good for me, aren't you?" You ask, like you've yanked the thought straight from his mind. "Yes," he moans, rutting against you, fucking in such shallow bursts he's barely leaving you, turning frantic as his orgasm immediately swells back up to a near peak. "Yes, yes, yes, fuck, nnngh!"

Everything turns white hot. Homelander screws his eyes shut, slamming his load deep into you on a final thrust. He's still like that for a couple of seconds, gasping wetly against your skin, but a sharp tug at his hair brings him back to reality. "Don't stop," you tell him, your own words breathy and thin with desire. "Fuck me, sweetheart. Fuck me messy." Without a thought, Homelander begins thrusting again, holding you to him as if for dear life. Sensitive, he makes a wounded noise, riding the razors edge of too much pleasure. The sound of it is obscene, sloppy wet and fucking delicious. His come is dripping out of you with every deep thrust, coating your thighs and your ass, the slap of your bodies loud and wet. Homelander's expression twists in exquisite agony, more and more of those simpering noises escaping the back of his throat as he fucks you with increasing urgency. Where most sensations, like pain, are dulled to Homelander's super senses, pleasure in the extreme is not. You've quickly learned how to use this to reduce him beyond words, strip him down to nothing but a needy little pet, desperate to please you. "Oh, there, that's it, don't stop. Just like that," you pant, arching your back. Homelander grabs hold of the headboard, gritting his teeth, watching you through half-lidded eyes. The whole bed slams into the wall with every thrust. "Harder, oh god-"

Your body locks up like a vice when you come, wringing a choked noise out of Homelander. It hurts so fucking good, makes his skin tingle all over, but he doesn't stop. He fucks you as you come, even as you squeeze him through your orgasm. His eyes are bleary, and he feels every ripple of your pleasure. It yanks a second orgasm from his core, an eruption so intense and unexpected he hits an abrupt halt, muffling a noise against your neck that's nearly a sob. The two of you lay like that for several moments, you basking in the aftermath while he recovers with shaken breaths, his weight warm and heavy against you.

"Sweet boy," you murmur eventually, stroking your hand up and down his back. "You were incredible. Made me come so hard," you praise, words slightly slurred as your fingers move to his hair, stroking along his scalp. He may not have broken a sweat, but you can still feel his heart racing in his chest from sheer overwhelm.

"I came again," Homelander says quietly, almost sheepish. "I know," you say with a smile, curling his hair around your finger. "That felt good, too." "I'll do better-" "Sshhh," you interrupt, combing his hair back. "You did exactly what I asked. You were perfect," you assure, earning a contented little sigh from him. "But..." Homelander's gaze flickers up, lazy and worn out, but a slight furrow between his brow. "You made a big mess, my darling," you say, drawing your words out languidly. With a smile, you flatten your hand atop his head, and give a guiding push down. "I want you to lick it up."

Without an ounce of hesitation, Homelander goes down, eager to make up for this perceived imbalance. He shoulders his way between your legs and nuzzles in between your thighs, immediately lapping and sucking at you. He doesn't miss a drop, dragging his tongue from your thighs to your core. He uses his fingers, pumping them in and out, licking up whatever mess drips from them, savoring the taste of his own release on your skin.

Inside and out, you're his.

Relaxing against the bed, you continue to pet his hair, sighing your pleasure as you rock your hips, grinding up into his mouth and down onto his fingers. He's gotten good at pleasuring you exactly the way you like it. You barely have to instruct him, holding his hair more for encouragement than guidance. Your second orgasm rolls in slow, building up until it crashes down on you like a tidal wave while Homelander continues to lap at you like the ocean tide against the shore, chasing your pleasure through the aftershocks. Homelander pushes his fingers in deep, nuzzling at you until you finally push him away, whispering his name breathlessly.

Crawling back up the bed, he settles heavily down against you. You kiss him, licking your mingled taste from his lips, sucking it from his tongue. The two of you spend awhile just kissing, bodies slotted together like they were made to fit. You whisper reverence between presses of your lips, and he soaks it up like rays of the sun, coiling his arms securely around you.

Sleep follows easily, the reprieve thoroughly earned.

[hollandroos]

Liar / Spencer Reid

Paring: Spencer Reid X Reader Insert

Words: 900

Warnings: Angst Angst Angst. No happy ending

A/N: Now I know what you're all thinking.... Soph, since when do you write for criminal minds? well.... what do you think I watched religiously during my very painful pregnancy and the last five months post partum?

Your packed bags fell against the door to what was once your shared home. Now it just felt empty. Empty draws, followed by an empty bathroom cabinet that once contained items that were now packed away tightly in a suitcase. Followed by an empty bedside table, and an empty mug cupboard because you bought every single one of those prized mugs - and you’d be damned if he expected you just to leave them behind. 

Spencer stood before you, eye bags partnered by the suit he must’ve worn home on the jet - the same one he left in three days ago. The same one you had ironed just five days ago, and snuck a loving note in the front pocket. You wondered if he got it. If he had, he hadn’t mentioned it. 

Be safe, I love you. Please eat. 

You’d thought it’d be cute if you sprayed the paper with a spritz of one of your perfumes… the one he used to compliment you on every time you wore it. Somewhere down the line he must’ve grown tired of it. He’d stopped complimenting your perfume long ago.

Come to think of it, he hadn't complimented anything about you in a long while. You merely felt like a side gig in Spencer Reid's busy, ever chaotic life.

“What are you doing?” He asks softly. His eyes rack your bags before landing on your tear stricken face.

You swallow, however the lump in the back of your throat refuses to budge. 

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like you’re leaving me.”

Spencer shoves his hands into his pant pockets, gripping tightly onto an old lip balm and a foreign hair tie. He looks exhausted. You want to crawl into his arms and beg him to get some well deserved rest. Rest that you needed too. God you needed rest.

“Spenc-”

“And considering it’s just gone two am, I’d assume you were trying to slip out before I got home because you couldn’t tell me yourself.”

“You’d assume correctly.” You straighten out, feeling your eyes well up with tears that were so goddamn close to spilling over. “I’m sorry.”

Maybe if you cried he’d beg you to stay, promise to fix it and try harder. You imagine he’d beg you to crawl into bed with him and sort it out tomorrow when you both weren’t so sleep deprived. You’d both shimmy under the covers and get that sleep in you’d been craving. The reality is however, you’d probably wake up and the space next to you would be cold again. And you’d be alone once more. 

Truth be told you didn’t sleep very much while Spencer was away. Your bed felt so much colder, and the genius wasn’t all that good at using his phone so you’d wait and wait for a text from him, just to let you know that he’s okay and before you knew it the sun would be coming up and your phone hadn’t pinged once.

You wondered how often you crossed the man's mind while he was away, because he crossed yours plenty. It seemed as though you were a foreign thought. 

“Are you?” He raised a brow, not much emotion crossing the man's face. It made your blood boil, because if he did love you as much as he once claimed he wasn’t very good at showing it.

You tried to remember when you first noticed his love for you fizzle out. Maybe it was when he stopped opening doors for you first, or complimenting your new outfits. Maybe it was when he started to sneak out of bed in the morning without giving you a kiss and a feeble I love you. Or when rereading the books he’d already ingrained into his memory became more enticing then a shower with you. 

Despite this, you never stopped your attempts at sharing your love with him. Dear god - you had so much of it to give, and he had been at the receiving end of it all. 

“Are you sorry?” You spit back, definitely harsher then you had intended. 

“Am I sorry?” He questioned, seeming awfully confused about the whole ordeal. If he wasn’t confused then he was just acting dumb. “Why would I - You’re the one trying to leave me in the middle of the night, why should I be sorry?”

“When did you stop loving me?”     

Spencers poker face finally breaks, however instead of breaking into a look of sadness, remorse, or anything of the sort it’s just confusion.

“I never stopped-”

“You’re not a liar, Spence, don’t start now.” 

With a heavy heart, tears now spilling freely down already damp cheeks and tight fists you grip the suitcase handles and haul your entire life out the door of your previously shared apartment. 

It’s crazy how you could pack up your entire life into two raggedy old suitcases. 

You wondered if it’d break Spencer's heart to find little pieces of you around the apartment - pieces that hadn’t been important enough to take with you. If maybe he’d cry when taking down photos of the two of you or miss your presence in your designated barstool at breakfast.

Tonight, Spencer would be the one sleeping in that cold, lonesome bed down the hall, while you cuddled up in some overpriced hotel sheets feeling heartbroken, yet equally proud for finally allowing yourself to walk away.

[ofstardustanddreaming]

werewolf love

headcanon summary: dating a werewolf!tav

content warnings: none

fandom: baldur's gate 3

characters: astarion, karlach, shadowheart

gender neutral reader

anon request

astarion:

let's just say, the rivalry between werewolves and vampires are kept up with you two when you first meet. he would glower at you, rolling his eyes as you being the designated unofficial leader. he would rather do anything than follow your lead, but he needed to if he wanted to find cazador.

and you, you found any way you could to annoy him in some form of capacity. you held no ill will to astarion himself, despite having wary distrust for vampires. but you're more so into just annoying him because you know you both are coming from the same spot of having a worm in your heads. (you don't want to admit that the perceived hate from him towards you does sting a little.)

but you strive on, trying to at least get his feelings to be neutral towards you. you may pick on him once in a while, but it's mostly because you feel you have to based on the stereotypes. but one day, things seem to change a little.

"you know, dear, i don't actually hate you. a lot of who i am is an act to keep people at arm's length. i know i was doubtlessly a little more cruel to you than others, but i'm sure part of it was for reasons why you picked on me as well." he says one night, having a hard time making eye contact with you.

you soften, giving him a small smirk. "it's okay vamp, i understand. let's just call it even here, yeah? i'd be glad to call you my friend."

"and here i was hoping to call you more than that." he says, giving you a small smile, trying to waive off the tough talk with humor.

"oh, i'm sure we'll get there in no time with the way we're going now." you tell him, excited for what the future holds.

and from there, you guys do get into a relationship. it turns heads for sure, a vampire and a werewolf. but this time, the quips you both deliver to each other comes from the heart, the teasing aiding in the fiery passion you have for one another. because by god, you're both allowed to make funny insults to the other, but the second someone has something to say about either one of you, the other is at that person's throat to make sure that they apologize for the words they said.

be prepared for astarion making every sort of werewolf joke under the sun. he'll definitely have the gall to act offended though when you make a vampire joke right back at him. he gets so pouty about it, having to sulk at the other end of camp, clearly just using this as an excuse to milk the attention you'd give him as an apology.

in the end, you two compliment each other in the dating lives, having a very balanced relationship despite the small rivalry people expect you to have.

karlach:

oh, she loves meeting someone who turns into a werewolf. i feel like karlach herself is someone who wishes she could be a werewolf because she thinks it's badass. she hangs out with you at first as an infatuation, needing to know how you turning into a werewolf works. she wants to know pain levels or if it's something you're used too, everything.

and as you two get to know each other, it turns into romance eventually. you're the sweethearts to lovers, where her gentle enthusiasm for you and your quiet obsession over her turns into a sweet romance. she loves you and how you dedicate yourself to what you believe in, and you love how fiercely loyal to those she trusts. you make a perfect duo with one another that turns into love.

she held no judgements about you being a werewolf, she's someone who holds her judgement based around if thinks you're a good person or not. she was happy to see how good of a person you are, and she loves being around you.

she also thinks it's nice to be able to cuddle with someone whose body temp runs high like hers, and will pout if you jokingly worm your way out of her hug because you say you're warm.

she absolutely sticks up for you anytime someone makes a snide remark, even if you can stick up for yourself. not many people do have something to say, but there's always one person or another who does have something to say. and she's right there next to you, ready to kick someone's ass over it.

"you know, i think that people are just real assholes sometimes." she growls, clearly hyped up after what someone had to say at the bar you were just at. you were taking laps outside, walking around to help her get some of the energy she had out.

"i know karlach, unfortunately some people just talk. there's nothing i can do but let what they say roll of me, not many people do have shit to say to me." you try to sooth her a bit, so that way she doesn't go back and strangle someone.

she releases a huff of breath frustratingly, wanting to do something. so you offer sparring to take her mind of things, and get the rage of what happened off her mind. it helps her, and as always, ends in a bit of a make out session that gets others to sigh at what you're doing.

shadowheart:

she originally had neutral feelings about you, and even after finding out you were a werewolf, she really didn't have any strong emotion about it. she takes her time when getting to know people, and then makes judgements from there i feel like.

it's a slow burn into romance, where both of you originally didn't even really realize you had feelings for one another until other people in the camp pointed out you that certain actions you were doing for one another isn't what people who don't have feelings for one another do.

she doesn't really give a damn that you're a werewolf, and i mean, sure she's curious and asks a lot about what comes with being a werewolf, but she does love you for you and that's the core of who she is. your relationship is one of helping each other, working through navigating your own identities and how that has effected both of you.

she understands how being a werewolf can come with how people expect you to act, considering people also have their own ideas of how she might be because of her backstory with shar. people tend to steer clear of her because of it. part of the reason she acts like she disregards your identity of being a werewolf is so that way you could also disregard part of her identity, something that many others tend to focus on.

but she loves that you tend to take the lead on helping her navigate what she wants, showing that it's not so scary to face identities. it brings you close together, and it makes everyone melt seeing how you both hold the love for each other in the ways you lean closer to one another.

shadowheart tends to your aching limbs the day after a full moon shift, using her healing to help you feel better. she knows that they can be rough, wanting to only be of help.

"i hope this helps you feel better." she whispers, rubbing some of the salve she prepared over the peak aching points. you groan a little as the ache flares when she rubs over them, but then it's a sigh of relief as what she has works fast.

"it does my love, thank you." you tell her, taking a fascination as she turns a little red at the nickname.

"i always love helping you." she says, leaning in and kissing you after she's done. you inhale her smell of rosemary and lavender from the salve, enjoying the moment of being with her.

[fangirltothefullest]

You need to go on this spam journey with me.

I will never open spam mail. Ever. But GODS I love peeking into my spam box sometimes and just reading the headers. TONS of fake paypal invoices, randos telling me about penis enlargement supplements and watches. My College sold my email which is fucking wild but that's why I have so much now and it's fun to take a peek and laugh at the silliness of the headers alone. My new favourite is tracking the ever fake and weird "life" of one totally real and not an automated bot Pace Kross, the everyperson with the email of jmackcross29 that have been dropping in my spam box since June.

"Pace Kross" is so busy in my spam box you guys. It begins on June 23rd, so simple..... (Read this in the most soap opera voice you can)

They're trying to link me totally not suspicious New York Times pet care articles. How lovely! They follow up with one of these:

A true person of culture: pets and traveling. And this of course is followed by a no subject email....

I am not interested, Pace Kross, you must step up your game. I shan't be swayed by your little games.

But then it gets intimate!

(don't be fooled it was not sent on June 17th, Pace Kross is a bit of a fibber)

They have photos they want to give me to send their love! Aww~! How very sweet! But then! Pace Kross's life takes a TURN!

Suddenly they want me to call because it's an "emergent"!! One that their physical health problems are causing them to be unable to do anything about!! TRAGIC!

I will never answer you Pace Kross.... what will you do?

Turns out I don't have to! And neither does whoever Kelsey is! My sister? My lover? My mother? Either way, crisis averted! And then we get more lore on my new relationship with this mysterious Pace Kross......

What am I celebrating 10 years of? New Development! I simply must know! am I engaged to this Kelsey? Am I married? IS it the anniversary of my birth? When I got my first car? What will their next email be?

July 1st- of course it's time to talk about fireworks. I now have new information! I must live on the East River! I learn new things about myself every day, thank you Pace Kross.

We are presented next with what must surely be photos of 4th of July. But who is Mack Danger? Is he with me? Is he my beloved? Is it our anniversary? The intrigue! Why is Pace Kross sending me these photos for Mack Danger's eyes and Mack Danger's eyes alone???

I will receive no answer, for I shan't open them.

July 5th, it is Christmas in July, of course, how could I forget. The plot unfolds- I have spent time with Pace Kross. I surely must know Pace Kross intimately to have such moments as reflecting on commercials that remind us of one another. Do not fret dear Pace Kross, I shall always be reminded of you whenever I see a commercial that establishes very little and leaves me questioning the product <3

But things take yet another turn.....

One must never argue politics, Pace Kross, you do not know what will be coming after all, immediately following your email.....

Is one from who I can only assume is your angry spouse! Alas, it too goes unanswered.

What follows are more emails for Mack Danger's eyes only. Impeccable curiosity spiking here... but I respect the privacy of anyone named Mack Danger.

Mack Danger must surely be a spy, after all, to merit such secrecy, and Pace Kross must be his informant. It only makes sense. It even says "top secret". The machinations unfold.....

And now the day arrives....

July 8th: It is my 10 year anniversary and I finally have context as to why Pace Kross was so upset they could not attend..... I am their beloved daughter! SHOCKING REVELATIONS ALL AROUND! A reel for my big day follows, of course.

Reminiscing got to them because they follow the big day with this:

I can only imagine this is Mack Danger they are speaking of in Philadelphia, followed by the pain they feel in missing me.

It leaves only more questions.

Was I put up for adoption at a young age? Dear me, what could have separated us?

July 16th: Mack Danger is now in Togo..... perhaps he knows why we are estranged. Was I kidnapped? Is there a ransom spam bot wanting you to pay to free me, Pace Kross? It's me I am here, your totally real and not fabricated estranged daughter and whoever Kelsey is... is likely here with me. Was that the emergent? Is Mack Danger on the case? Is that why I needn't have called any more?

July 20th, the last thing Pace Kross has sent to me. It holds no information, just an attachment I can only guess at. *stares into the middle distance*

I can only assume that whatever government had all those secrets has gotten to Pace Kross. I hope their dear angry spouse, Joan Kross, who is also probably from jmackross29@gmail, does not miss them too much.

[strwyofthesun]

forgive me, goodbye

pairing: re2r!leon x f!reader

word count: 3k

synopsis: you and leon have been high school sweethearts and graduated together in 1990. but after graduating from military school and pre-med, trouble arises once leon becomes busy with being a police officer, while you start preparing to leave to the UK for med school.

cont: slight fluff, angst, high school sweethearts, college au, hurt/no comfort

a/n: for my filo readers, this is very loosely (like you have to squint to even realize it) based on raining in manila by lola amour because ive had lss and i can't stop listening to it!

part 2 here !

“—So, as we all bid farewell to this chapter of our lives, I want all of us to look back on what made us who were are now and look forward to the people we will become. Congratulations Class of 1990! We made it!” You exclaimed loudly into the mic. Everyone cheered and hugged one another in celebration of graduating from high school.

The principal smiled widely at you before you handed him the mic for his closing message to everyone. “Thank you to this year’s valedictorian for her heartfelt graduation speech. My dear students, I am so proud of all you. Congratulations!” Cheers and shouts once more echoed in the auditorium. You walk back into the crowd of students, looking for a certain someone. Amidst the bustling crowd, you spot him in his toga with medals around his neck, certificates and diplomas being held up on the right and a bouquet of roses in his left. You hurriedly ran towards his direction and stop right infront of him.

“There’s my valedictorian, I’m so proud of you love.” Leon said as he handed me the bouquet and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“Aww, Leon you didn’t have to…”

“Pft, I want nothing but the best for my girl. You deserve it [Y/N].”

“I love you so much Leon, I don’t think I would’ve survived high school without you.”

“I love you too [Y/N]. You’ll be fine with or without me. But of course you’re better off with me.” Leon said as he winked at me.

He was always such a tease. Ever since 7th to 12th grade, you couldn't believe that out of all the traits that he could keep, it had to be that one. But, it was okay, after all, all that teasing did lead you to fall for him and it was the best thing to have ever come out of your high school experience. People always said you had your head stuck in a book 24/7 and that you had no chance at love if all you ever look at was texts on a book. But now, they’re eating their words, because not only are you in the happiest and healthiest relationship with the school’s heartthrob, but your relationship with Leon outlasted almost all of your batchmates’s relationships combined. Not only that, but you also graduated valedictorian of your batch and was always a consisted honor student while dating Leon.

You had to admit that you and Leon were a walking cliché. Top student falls for the school’s heartthrob, where haven’t you seen that? But God, even if it was a cliché it was the best thing to have ever happened to you. It wasn’t always smooth sailing though. In 7th grade, Leon was always a pain in the ass to you, and it didn’t help that you were always paired up in almost every pair or group activity and project given. He wasn’t always so cooperative, he teased and picked at you, and he was always pre-occupied with either his friends or football. Yes, he was a jock, an irritatingly good-looking one at that.

He never really noticed your efforts when it came to those pair and group assignments the both of you had until one day, in chemistry class, you had held your head down, planning to rest for a little while. Little did you know that you would be waking up in the hospital. The doctor said that you had overworked your body so much to the point where your immune system had weakened drastically. Leon heard this and visited you the following day in the hospital. Your parents were aware of Leon being a big weight on you because you’d always rant to them about him so it was no surprise that when Leon entered your hospital room, he wasn’t exactly greeted warmly by your parents. Even so, they left you and him to talk privately.

“Hey [Y/N]…” Leon said as he looked at the floor. “Um, I brought you some flowers, roses, to um, brighten up your room.” He said awkwardly

You looked at him up and down with a sour look on your face before thanking him. “Thanks… Leon…” He sighed and sat at the foot of your bed.

“Look, I’m sorry… I should’ve helped you out. If I known this would’ve happen-“

“Well, it’s a bit too late for that don’t you think?” I spat back as I cut Leon off.

“I know, I know… So, to make up for it, I’ve told the teacher about me not cooperating and they have decided not to affect your grade because of my shortcomings. I’ve also come here to ask you what other assignments we have so that I can do it while you’re here. I promise I will prepare a good quality output, I’ll send it to you for checking so that you won’t have to worry.”

You were surprised at Leon’s sudden change of heart and were touched by his dedication to make things right for you. You face softened and you breathed out a small sigh.

“Thank you Leon, I’ll send you a list of what needs to be done later on. Thank you for visiting too…” You smile timidly.

“Please, don’t thank me, it’s the least I could do after everything I’ve caused.”

“Come on Leon, accept my thanks, it’s not all the time I get to say that to you.” I joked.

“Alright, alright. Fine, I accept the thanks and you are welcome. I’ll leave you be now. Rest up, recover quick okay?”

“Okay.”

Leon gave you a smile before turning around to leave, but before he left the hospital, he talked to your parents and apologized for the trouble. He even offered to pay the medical expenses to which my parents declined. They said that if you forgave him, then they forgave him too.

On school days while you were at the hospital, Leon would always text you at lunch about what happened during the morning classes and at the end of the day, he’d text you again to tell you what happened during the afternoon classes. He gave you notes, the assignments, recorded lectures, and even stuck to his word about sending you the group works. He really did seemed like a changed man.

8th grade came around and Leon had confessed his feelings for you, to which you reciprocated. And from then on, the two of you have been dating ever since. And something you love about Leon was that he knew that you were a strong, capable, and independent person. He never interfered with your plans and always emphasized that he wanted you to always prioritize yourself over everyone else including himself. Leon supported you in all your endeavours, the competitions, the events, everything. He was and always is your number one fan and you will always be his. Every game he had, you were present. You stood in the front bleachers with the largest banner out there and screamed your head off every time he scored a point. You were everyone’s typical movie high school couple.

“So Leon, what’s your plans for college?” You asked curiously. He never really talked about what he wanted for his future but since we were now high school graduates, it was high time to start thinking about our future plans.

“Oh, actually, I enrolled into a military academy in Raccoon City!” He said excitedly.

“Looks like someone’s excited.” You chuckle.

“Well, yeah! I mean I’ve always wanted to help people out and I think this is a good place to start.”

“I’m so glad you’re doing something you’re passionate about, love.”

“I’m assuming you’ll be pursuing your pre-med course in the city as well?”

“Mhm, that’s right. I can’t believe how fast time flies. We used to be dumb kids arguing over assignments and look at us now.”

Leon looked at you and grabbed you by the waist to pull you into a hug. “I didn’t expect myself to fall for a brainy genius like yourself.”

“And I didn’t expect myself to fall for a sweetheart of a jock but here we are.” you said as the both of you laughed together.

Summer went by and you and Leon had moved to Raccoon City to pursue each other’s passions. The 4 years passed the two of you quickly and you were soon attending each other’s graduation. Seeing Leon in his uniform standing proud and tall made you feel all sorts of things. You can’t believe how far he’s come. Saying you were proud of him was an understatement. At your graduation, you spotted Leon from the stage along with your parents holding up a camera and recording you. He was the absolute cutest boyfriend out there. He treated you and your parents out at an expensive restaurant in the city to celebrate. While at the dinner table, your phone starts ringing. You check to see who was calling you and saw that it was one of your professors from your university. You excused yourself from the table and picked up the incoming call.

“Good evening Ms. [L/N]”

“Good evening madam, is there something you would like to discuss with me?”

“As a matter of fact, there is. If you remember, I helped you apply for a prestigious medical school in the UK yes?”

“Yes, I recall.”

“I come bearing good news! You have been accepted on a full scholarship! I am so proud of you Ms. [L/N].”

You covered your mouth from shock and turned back to look at your parents and Leon who seemed very curious about the call.

“Thank you so much madam for helping me with this opportunity. I will get back to you with my answer in a few days.”

“No problem, take your time. But if I were you, I would grab the opportunity already.”

“I have to consult my parents first madam but I appreciate the incentive.”

“Alright, please do inform me later on your decision. Goodbye and congrats!”

Your professor dropped the call and you go back to the table with Leon and your parents and let them know the good news.

“Oh my God! I’m so proud of you [Y/N]! We’ll pack your stuff right away once we get home!” Your mom said eagerly.

“I’ll help you pack too!” Your dad chimed in.

You laugh at the reactions of you parents but realized that Leon had been rather silent.

“Leon?” you said as you held his hand under the table.

“Hmm? Oh! I’m so proud of you too, love. I can’t believe you’ll be studying in another country…” Leon said as his voice slowly faded. You squeezed his hand and looked at him with a face of concern. Before he could speak again, the waiter had given Leon the bill which he paid for and later your parents left earlier than you leaving Leon and you behind.

“Love, is there something bothering you?”

“I’m… I’m gonna miss you a lot [Y/N]… But, I don’t want to hold you back, you know that.”

“Oh Leon…” You pulled him into an embrace and said, “I’ll miss you too Leon. But I’m not leaving yet, so let’s make most of my time here okay?”

“Okay… I love you [Y/N]…”

“I love you too Leon…”

In a few days, you started getting ready to make your big move to the UK. Meanwhile, Leon had begun working as a police officer in the Raccoon City Police Department. He was always preoccupied with his job and you were busy with all the files you needed to tend to and the preparations you had to ready for med school and all the other likes. As the days progressed, the stress started to feel overwhelming and it did not help that Leon was not as available as much as he used to be. You respected his time and if he wouldn’t want to hold you back, you wouldn’t hold him back either. So you kept to yourself. All the stress, the worry, the nagging thoughts of moving to a new country alone, the pressure put on you by your professor was immense, all of it was driving you borderline insane. Juggling everything on your own felt so tiring but you never once thought of asking Leon or anyone for that matter for help because you did not want to bother them and because you wanted this for yourself. You had no one but yourself to blame. But the opportunity is right there, and you couldn't risk it slipping through your fingers.

It was a week ‘till your departure and Leon had finally decided to visit you after his long shifts at the RPD.

“Hi love, are you ready for the big trip?” He asked while trying to put on a smile on his face but it was evident that he was too tired to even put an effort.

“I don’t know Leon…” you responded.

“What’s the matter?” he asked sounding concerned.

You snapped at Leon and sarcastically replied, "Oh, thanks for finally asking.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think Leon? You haven’t even bothered to check up on me all those days ago?”

“Well I’m sorry if I got too busy with work!”

“Too busy? Would it have killed you to send me at least one text asking how I was?!”

“I didn’t want to disturb you! I knew that you could handle it on your own.”

“But Leon I needed you! Where were you when I needed you?! I was practically going insane already!"

A deafening silence fell upon the room and no one dared to look at each other in the eye. You broke the silence and spoke up once more.

“Look Leon, if this is the current state of our relationship now, I fear that this won’t last once I’m further away.”

“[Y/N]… Are you…?”

“I’m breaking up with you Leon.” You never imagined those words ever coming out of your mouth but there it was, seemingly echoing in all four corners of the room making it all the more painful that it already was.

“You can’t be serious [Y/N]…”

“I am serious Leon. I can’t do this anymore…”

“Fine.” Leon said as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

You watch him leave as tears start to run down your face. It hurt that you had to do what you did, but seeing how he didn’t even fight for the relationship broke you even more. At the back of your head, you were relieved because now, he wouldn’t have to face the days where he would need you but you were not there for him. He wouldn’t have to constantly worry about you and your well-being. He wouldn’t have to miss you so much that it made his heart ache that he could not see you. You have spent 10 years with each other and were now so used to each other presence. Being away from him pained you as much as it pained him, and nothing could have eased that.

It's 2 hours ‘till departure, you’re at the airport simply passing the time while your parents kept you company. 1 hour left, you start to remember all the memories you’ve made in the city and can't help but shed a tear because all you could ever think off was Leon. 30 minutes, your parents comfort you and held you in their arms as you cried and wallowed in your sadness. 20 minutes, you compose yourself as your flight is near. 10 minutes, bid your farewell to your parents and start walking to the gates until you heard a voice call your name.

You turned around to look for where the voice came from, “Leon?” You mutter as you frantically search amongst the people looking for him. You spotted Leon dashing towards you and threw his arms around you as a desperate attempt to keep you for leaving just yet.

“[Y/N] please, just wait…” he panted.

“Leon, I need to board the plane, I have to go-“

“Please… think about it, think about us. I know long distance is hard but it’s something we can get through together! I know we can! So please! Don’t just leave me like this…” Leon begged as he pulled away to face you. His eyes were swollen and red, you could tell he had been crying for days straight.

“You know it’s not just about us… You have your whole future ahead of you, and I have mine. Don’t let me stop you from that.”

“But I don’t see my future without you in it. Please let me be selfish for once let me ask you for us to try again.”

“You know I can’t do that Leon…”

Leon looked at you with glass eyes and let you go. “I’ll be waiting for you [Y/N]… However long it takes."

“Leon… Don't...” You cupped his cheek and caresses it gently wiping away his tears.

“Forgive me, goodbye.” You let go of Leon and kissed him one last time before turning your back on him and walking straight to the gates. You hear Leon’s sobs and it took everything in you not to look back, when all you wanted to do was run into his arms and say “I do want you back, I’m sorry for trying to leave you.” But you couldn’t. You knew deep down that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw everything away for Leon. And you knew that he knew it too.

As the plane took off, you look out of the window and silently said goodbye to the life you once had and said hello to the new life you will live.

[dootznbootz]

Don't get me wrong, I hate the telegony with every FIBER of my being. HOWEVER!! I feel like there's so much yummy angst potential with Odypen.

Like?? Imagine Penelope holding Odysseus' dead body. And it reminds her so much of when he'd fall asleep in her arms, in their bed holding an infant Telemachus. Because little baby Telemachus wouldn't stop crying so he had to be held in his papa's arms :3

But he's still crying to this day,, crying in the background, sobbing, hugging his mother from behind as she's holding her dead husband. Her husband that she waited 20 YEARS for. Her husband that's literally been threw hell and BACK, yet who never gave up because he wanted to see HER and their SON!!

He could've stayed with Calypso, he could've stayed with Kirke, he could've. But he DIDN'T. And I know damn well the moment he came back, and she saw him, she SAW on his face he's been threw shit. And imagine that, imagine the pain of someone you love more than the Sun experiencing that. Imagine that, and they did all of that, to see you.

People undermine that Penelope loves Odysseus just as much as Odysseus loves Penelope. It's been 20 years. She had every right to assume he's gone or get remarried. But she didn't. She had faith the entire time.

And she waited so long, and he went threw so much, just for him to get killed by some borderline (Not fully) rapeling. That's so heart-wrenching.

And for Telemachus, who never even KNEW his father. To suddenly see him again, to see how happy his mother is, how happy he is. Just for some bastard he has to call his half-brother to kill him. Telemachus knew so little of his father, only the stories Penelope told him. And now, sadly, it'll stay that way.

Telemachus and Penelope would fucking despise Telegonus. They've been waiting so long for this man, and this man has waited and had to go threw so much. All three of them did not go threw all that just for Telegonus to kill him. I don't care if it was an 'accident'. It doesn't matter if the killer didn't want to do it, it matter's that the victim's family lost someone they FUCKING LOVED.

Penelope would NEVER marry Telegonus, and Telemachus would never marry Kirke.

But Odysseus death gives us some JUICY angst. I hate it. But good god it scratches that angst-loving part of my brain SO GOOD. 😼

Feel free not to answer since this is a rather long ask/ramble :'D And ye, take care Mad! <3

Oh, also, just so it's not ALL just angst, a few Penelope and Baby Telemachus headcanons/shenanigans? They mean the world to both Odysseus AND me 🥹

So, this is a really fun ask...But I don't think you're going to get the answer you'd like from me :')

As many folks know, I am a big lover of fluff and very soft stuff. I have angst but even then I would consider it more hurt/comfort in a way as I do plan for the "comfort" to be what's most important :) I also just think of "angst" as just the "something that makes sense storywise".

The Tele-GONE-y to me, is just blatent whump. Not really my cup of tea.

Also the Tele-GONE-y has the whole bullshit about Odysseus doing fuck all in random war, getting married and having children with a random af woman, before coming back to get killed. So that's just...ew. All of it is ew.

And I don't even like the idea of Telegonus existing in any form. At most, Telegonus would only exist in my mind as Polites' son. (not based on Epic at all. This Polites is my own special guy. He's my lil weird goober of my own design reeeeee) My dear friend thehelplessmortals is the only person who I feel explores it in a way that makes sense to me and seems canon.

As you put it into words:

"And she waited so long, and he went through so much, just for him to get killed by some borderline (Not fully) rapeling. That's so heart-wrenching."

And it's just TOO heartwrenching for me :') I can't do it. It's honestly such a horrifying scenario that I got nauseous the first time I heard about it. (that's not even getting into the gross out of character marriage circle and Odysseus fucking around away from his family)

For me, I cannot see Circe (my Circe definitely) as a mother regardless. She wasn't made for motherhood. Also Odysseus and her only have sex once in my writing in exchange for his men to be turned back into humans. (as it's only stated explicitly once in the Odyssey)

The Odyssey also says that Odysseus' line only has one son each. That's Telemachus. (OdyPen can have a daughter though! >:3 Girldad Odysseus is very tasty for me)

If you're just into the angst of Odysseus' death, I got a bit of that though :'D

Penelope being 75% Naiads will live a long life. And Odysseus, being her husband, gets the advantages of having a magic Water wifey and that affects him in how he will live a long life as well (Calypso also gave him ambrosia/nectar to keep him alive. as he was nearly dead when he washed up.)

BUT. He is mostly mortal. He lives way beyond what is normal for Mortals but still.

His hair now fully gray. His breathing raspy and slow. He's slow to move...

Penelope lives a bit afterward. Sleeping and taking comfort in their nest that cradles her as she sleeps. She feels him everywhere. She grieves him endlessly.

Their nest starts to wilt. Only when she goes too does it come alive again.

And for some random Penelope and Telemachus headcanons :P

Nereids have lined bioluminescence, while NAIADS have spots. Like the black spots on the beloved rainbow trout 🥹 (they don't have the black spots. they just have spots that glow in their own control lol)

Telemachus gets "spots" from both his mama (naiad scales/glowbit) and his papa (freckles) 🥹

It's what they use to communicate underwater. And it's nice because even if you're not full naiad and don't have as many scales, you can still communicate as it's about the flickers :3 (Odysseus can understand these to a degree)

Very rarely do they "just randomly glow" as you know, don't wanna give away your thoughts. But it's cute because Odysseus will occasionally have a lightshow when one of them is dreaming.

I know a lot of people have Penelope see Odysseus in Telemachus constantly, and while she does to a degree, she is actually one of the few people who really emphasizes that he's his own person. You don't have to be good at whittling, you make such beautiful pottery. You like green, not orange. You don't have to pick that color when it's not your favorite and because other people simply get excited about you being like your dad sometimes. That type of stuff.

You take care too, Dear Anon! :D

[stopaskinf]

“I wish you roses, and roses, and roses, and roses”

Summary: Flowers and attached notes of BTS boys

Genre: Fluff, angst(?), descriptions of hardships and arguments between Tae and Reader but ending is hopeful

CW: Nothing

A/N: Who would have known my fall back into flower language would align with me doing my first prompt challenge thing. I used a bunch of them, so they will be highlighted in the notes.

Giving credit to @writinginstardust for their huge brain🫡‼️‼️ 🫶🫶

Jungkook: sunflowers, yellow tulips, red tulips

“For my sweetest pookie.

I can’t write much on this card because the company gave me a word limit. Poor me. Can you feel my pout through this? I wanted to tell you that I dreamt about you last night. I saw it so clearly. It was late at night and we were stargazing outside. Bam was sprawled out on our laps like the lazy kid he is while you talked to me about your day, childhood, and everything. I don’t remember which story you were on but I remember you smiling at the end. God, I told you how much I love your smile right? I want to see it again soon. Seeing your blinding smile, I rush back into the house to fish for this bouquet. When I gave you the flowers, you rolled your pretty eyes. Still, you gave me the warmest smile I’d ever seen. It felt like deja vu.

- From Jungkook”

Yoongi: tarragon, daisies, morning glory, gardenia

“Hello dear.

I’ve missed you. Last night I woke up in an insomniac haze. For a second I thought that I was home. I saw you standing in the shadows gazing into me. I came to you and you held me while I clung to you. You smelt like vanilla and lavender. You smelt like home. Then reality hit me like a brick. Genuinely. Once my vision cleared I had a thumping migraine between my eyes and a stiff-as-shit neck. You always did tell me not to fall asleep in my studio chair. I spent the next hour lying in the dark on my studio couch like a wounded orphan. I wish I had told you. I should have told you. I would have been less alone. Less in pain. I don’t think I’m cut out for this job, I swear.

I can see you rolling your eyes, but I mean it this time. I’m coming home tomorrow. Finally, I can’t wait. - Yoongi”

V: Saliva (Red, blue, purple), Red carnation, baby’s breath

“Hi, clover.

You miss me?

I miss you. I’ve been thinking about you all day. I feel dreary. I’m working on a small ceramic mushroom…It’s not going well, It’s too lopsided. The sky is covered in a light gray fog. I hear the rain splash against the windows while Yeontan barks. We were supposed to see each other but I’m all alone now. Are you still upset? I was harsh. I felt the fearful pain of you leaving me, so I was determined to hurt you back. To make you feel what I felt so strongly. However, when I went back to lick my wounds, memories of our bliss came back stronger. Every touch. Every kiss. Every midnight walk we had when we both couldn’t sleep. The mornings waking up together. I was a fool. I always am, but more so in these moments.

When I see you again, can I hold your hand? I miss your warmth. And you - Your Alien”

Jin: red roses, pink roses, white roses

“Did you know my mother adores you?

Yeah, you’re all she ever talks about. “Oh, they’re so sweet.”

“Have you no manners? You see them looking so beautiful and you don’t say anything?”

“Yah, Seokjin how’s my favorite child doing?” Then when I tell her I’m fine, she goes “Quit joking, you know who I’m talking about.” How upsetting! I’m her actual son, but compared to you I’m chopped liver! Still, I can’t blame her. I’m the same way. I missed you during enlistment. I also missed the boys. Though not as much when compared to you. I see them 360 days out of the year. They’re staples in my life, but you…you’re my world.

My private heaven. My home. And I’ve been away from my home far too long. I intend to fix that. Get ready!

- From, Kim Seokjin ♥️”

Namjoon: Magnolia, cactus, succulents, aloe

“

“If the devil were to ever see you, he’d kiss your eyes and repent.” - Farouq Jwaydeh

Good morning, my Divine. I hope your day is going well. Mine could be better. It’s not bad, but not great. Just a day. I’m in a rut. I went to the studio and tried to write but my slack brain didn’t want to. Instead, it wants to focus on you. Where is my love? Have they finished the book I gave them? Have they thought about me today? As I think about them every day? How often do they think of me? I could close my eyes and still envision them perfectly. It’s wrapped itself in roses and lilies and recites love poems and scenarios. It’s excruciating shit. So, I’ll give it and myself an outlet. For starters, do you know how beautiful you are? It’s truly distracting. You’ve left me so lovesick that I’m borderline diseased. My waking hours are anguishing. My feet feel heavy and my head spins. My third rib begs for its return to my body so that my heart can be caged away once again. I know this is a lot to take in. I want to talk about it more with you when I’m less of a shell of a man. I won’t resent you if you don’t reciprocate. I’ll be pained, but I’ll come back to you. If do you reciprocate…Either way, say you want me, and I’m yours. - Kim Namjoon”

J-hope: honeysuckle, forget me nots, chrysanthemum (red)

“Hellooooooo. I hope your day has been as lovely as you are, honey. By the way, what kind of jewelry do you like best? I can’t pick. Gold makes you look stunningly regal but Silver shows the depth of your skin and eyes. This bouquet and the jewelry were both supposed to be same-day gifts, but the company never gave me any damn updates! How unfair is that! So now, these gifts have been forced apart. It’s so cruel. 🥲

I know I could call you about this instead, but it’s too different. I’ve been gone too long. I said I needed a refresh. A moment to connect back to what I want in life. Well, I have! The sky is so clear. The sun is shining. The forecast said there would be nice weather. They were absolutely right. My feet feel lighter. So does my heart. The cloud that hung over me has gone and I’ve stepped out of the box that’s kept me trapped. I’m ready to take my first step, but I want you there with me.

Tell me what you want.

Of the jewelry, I mean. I can’t afford to spend the whole day shopping! I love you. - Jung Hoseok”

Jimin: white jasmine, hibiscus, daffodils, white camellia

“Hello Darling ♥️.

I just realized how much I love you.

Well, not just realized, but I still needed to remind you. It sounds corny, but I’m very sincere. Besides, there’s no occasion for when you should declare your love right? Sure, there are preferred moments, but what’s wrong with keeping love fresh and exciting? Shouldn’t you want your lover to voice their love for you every day?

No, but honestly, It’s crazy, really. No one’s ever made me feel like this.

I’ve dreamt about this for as long as can remember, but only now have I found it. The person who I thought of every second of every day. The person who colored my dreams at night. The one I envisioned whenever I sang love songs. The one who I searched high and low for without fail or doubt.

I’ve waited so long for this.

So long…

I just needed to remind you. I’ll spend the rest of our lives reminding you. So don’t worry, I’m here. - Love Mochi”

[ilovewriting06]

Mischief and Angel- Part 10

"Let me get this right, not only are Gerard and Kate back, but this child, this random child that just so happens to look like a perfect mix of both of you, showed up and then forged a parental bond with both of you? Not only that, but her birthdate lines up with the baby you miscarried and she's practically named after Claudia?"

I nod as my hand tightens around Stiles, "Yeah, pretty much sums it all up."

I'm met with a blank stare before Mom turns to her right to look at Noah, "You have any questions, Noah?"

Noah scratches his chin and leans back in his recliner, "I have multiple, but I'm not shocked about Gerard and Kate, nor am I shocked about the parental bond thing, I'm shocked that Y/n went through a miscarriage, and we had no idea."

I look down at my socks as Stiles moves his hand to rub small circles on my thigh as he more than likely glares at his dad, "Dad, can we not with this right now, or ever? You don't understand the pain she feels every time the baby we lost is directly brought up."

I glance up to see Noah and Mom frown as they look at me before Mom nods, "Okay, I'm sorry Sweetheart, we won't mention it again. At least we'll try not to."

Noah nods in agreement before Mom's face breaks into a wide grin as she moves to the edge of her seat, "So, when do I get to meet my granddaughter?"

At the mention of Lola I perk up and smile before standing from the couch, "Right now, I'll go and get her from Amelia."

-------------------------------------------------------

I close the basement door behind me as I walk towards the living room and Lola happily flings her little rabbit around until she sees Stiles. As soon as they make eye contact she screeches out a happy little sound and flings her rabbit, successfully smacking me in the face before I save it from falling onto the floor. I chuckle as she holds her hands out in Stiles' direction, "I think she has a favorite."

When I get to Stiles, Lola practically swan dives from my arms and into Stiles' awaiting arms. He wraps his arms around her as she babbles nonsense as if she's telling the most exciting story.

Stiles' smile never drops as he watches her every move before I hear a gasp, "She looks like a carbon copy of baby Stiles."

Stiles and I look over to see Noah with slightly damp eyes and Mom with a happy little smile. I glance at Stiles before looking back at Noah, "I know, I've tried to figure out if there was a way for the pregnancy to somehow transfer or something but I haven't found anything."

"Y/n..."

I turn and look at Stiles and frown, "I know, I know what you said but Stiles, I can feel it! We're missing a huge piece of the puzzle and I can't for the life of me figure it out."

Stiles sighs as he hands Lola her bunny that had been flung across the couch, "I just don't want you to get your hopes up, Angel. I don't want you to be hurt incase we're wrong."

I suck in a breath before releasing it with a 'woosh', "We're?"

I can see Stiles mentally face palm when he realizes what he said before he nods, "Yes, we're, I had the same exact thought the second that I saw her, but I didn't say anything because I don't want you to get hurt again."

I sink onto the couch and curl into Stiles' side and placing a soft kiss on his shoulder, "I know, and I love you for trying to protect me, but I honestly think we're right, I just don't know how it happened."

After a few seconds of silence Mom stands and makes her way over as she says, "Well, since that has been dealt with, may I hold my beautiful granddaughter? I've only been waiting for this day for almost 18 years."

I snort and roll my eyes as Stiles hands Lola to Mom with a chuckle, "Be careful, she loves to pull hair and will occasionally bite."

I nod quickly at that, "Dear God yes, especially if she knows you're a werewolf. It's nothing for her to start gnawing on my shoulder when I'm holding her. I think it's a self soothing technique but she has sharp little fox teeth."

Noah's eyes flick between me and Lola before he asks, "Fox teeth? She's not a werewolf?"

I wrap my arms around Stiles' arm before humming, "Mhmm, she's a werefox, which is extremely rare. It usually only happens when one parent is a were of some kind and the other is a kitsune, or carries the gene. It's another reason I firmly believe she is somehow the baby I thought I miscarried."

Mom moves to sit back in her chair and once she's settled she nods, "Because of the nogistune?"

I let out a snarl as I tighten my hold around Stiles, "Yeah, the nogistune is gone but his spark retained some of the fox spirit, just not the evilness of it."

-------------------------------------------------------------

I laugh as Lola bites into Scott's arm with a tiny little squeak, "I told you not to take her rabbit!"

Scott hisses in pain as he tries to pry Lola off of his arm, "Leave it to you to have a kid that bites people."

I roll my eyes before making eye contact with Lola and flashing my eyes, "Let him go, Lola." She releases Scott's arm but she still looks suspicious as he hands her the bunny as a peace offering.

When she's got her little hands tightly around her bunny she looks to me and holds her arms out with a little whine. I smile as I walk over and pick her up out of Scott's arms, "It's alright Sweetheart, I want to bite Scott sometimes too. That doesn't mean we should though, it isn't nice, and he's your Uncle."

Lola blinks at me before babbling a string of unintelligible sounds but somehow I know she's complaining about Scott. I nod along before smoothing back her dark brown curls, "Yeah, I know, it was awfully rude of him to take your bunny."

Lola grunts before peaking over my shoulder and making the noise she makes when she wants something, "Ah."

I raise an eyebrow and turn around trying to figure out what she wants before I roll my eyes and start walking towards a grinning Stiles, "Yeah, yeah, lets go get Daddy, lord knows you can't survive five seconds without him."

"Da!"

I freeze mid step before looking at Stiles with wide eyes, "Did she just...?"

He nods slowly before walking over to us and peering down at Lola, "Lola, did you say Daddy?"

"Yah! Da!"

I blink again before breaking out in a wide smile, "Good job! Can you say, mama?"

She turns and blinks before looking back at Stiles, "Da. Da."

I can't help but sigh a little bit as Stiles takes her from me, "Yeah, that's Dada, or Daddy, not sure which one you're saying though."

Stiles bounces her before shooting me a small smile, "Hey, she'll be running around yelling Mama before you know it."

I press a quick kiss to his cheek before nodding, "Yeah, it's only a matter of time before she's walking, she's already standing on her own. God, it feels like we've had her for longer than a week."

"I know, I'm just glad Amelia isn't trying to fight us on custody or whatever it is that would happen."

I run a hand over Lola's hair with a soft smile, "She can't, Lola has to stay with us unless they want to deal with an unruly, temper tantrum throwing toddler until she hits five years old. Plus since we're alive and the parental bond wouldn't break unless we were, she'd run away to try and find us."

I follow Stiles back to the living room as he sits on the floor and leaning back against the couch before setting Lola down. I sink down beside him as Lola lets out a cute little squeak before dropping to all fours and crawling over to Kira. Kira smile and crouches down as she rubs Lola's cheek, "Hey there Lola, I'm Auntie Kira."

Lola smiles and giggles before turning around and crawling between every single person in the pack, including Amelia's pack. She makes her way between everyone, finally settling at Stiles and I's feet with her bunny and a couple other random toys.

As she plays Scott clears his throat, "Okay, now that everyone has met my adorable niece, we should probably figure out what the hell...sorry, heck, we're doing about Gerard and Kate."

I grab Stiles' hand and sigh knowing that there is going to be one hell of a showdown before it's all settled, hopefully with Gerard and Kate ashes on the wind.

----------------------------------------------------------------

A/n- I know this one is short but the next part is where the real fun starts so I had to end this one a little shorter than I wanted. You also figure out the rest of Lola's story soon! I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think!

Tag List: @ah-blossom @gabby988 @zanypaintermoon

[mysticmiav]

I wanna talk about Inej cuz GOD I love her so much. Her intro scene is one that I think goes not talked about enough which I think is a crime against humanity and I WILL be making my case your honour so buckle up.

This concerns scenes from SoC as well as CK, so be warned, a load of spoilers ahead.

So in that first chapter of SoC we are introduced to this absolute badass of a girl. She walks silently, steals secrets and defies gravity. The name they call her? The Wraith. How badass is that? God spared yall (and maybe even me but especially my parents) cuz if I was still doing gymnastics I would've broken my ankle trying to be a fraction of as cool as she is cuz fuck you Newton and fuck your gravity laws.

She is smart and quick witted; the whole scene at the exchange, Kaz counting on her to take care of the second guard, knowing she'll figure it out and manage, and her indeed making it on time.

But no, not only that. This deadly storm of a girl not only holds this guard at knifepoint, saving Kaz's ass from an embarrassing plan gone awry, being shot and possibly even death. She goes on and says, and I quote, "I like it when men beg, but this isn't the time for it."

????? Weird way of asking for my hand in marriage but all the same, yes.

We get to see that deadly, fear-worthy side of her, we see how she's an actual threat people take into account, cue the slippery edges so as to make her climbs harder (fools really, as if some grease and oil would stop her of all things)

But as if that wasn't enough, we also learn of the beliefs she holds dear and her kindness. The way she hesitates about leaving Big Bol alone after everyone else leaves, torn on saving him, getting him help or putting him out of his misery, and ends up sparing him a parting prayer.

She's someone who's been through unimaginably lot of shit, never seemed to catch a break, from being literally ripped away from her family, sent across the ocean and sold to the menagerie, a never ending stream of painful and shameful experiences in her life as an indenture there, and then trading that life for one of killing and stealing, and despite it all, despite all she's gone through and all she's seen, she holds dearly to her faith, to her memories and her hopes of better days, of a world free from this kind of pain. Arguably even more so because of her experiences.

She wonders if her Saints would forgive her if she took Van Eck's life not out of necessity, but out of revenge. Either way, she was willing to spend a lifetime of repenting and take that chance.

But even beyond that, she's faithful beyond belief. Jan-if I ever commit a hate crime it'd be against this miserable excuse of a man-van Eck, while not having actually broken her legs (although his only reason for stopping being Inej's words) it was evident he was willing to, he was going to, and he made it clear he still might on the next day if she doesn't talk by then.

Fast forward to the one and only "I would have come for you, and if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you," scene (am combusting as well I know).

I find it to be heavily implied which lengths Inej was willing to go before Jan managed to draw a word out of her; her asking Kaz if he would have come for her when she couldn't scale walls or steal secrets for him anymore implies, in my opinion, what she already saw as the outcome of her captivity at Van Eck's hands. She already was thinking of that future, not just because of that growing, nagging doubt of her role in Kaz's life (whether she really was only an investment or if he'd cared in any way more than that about her), but also because no matter what, she wouldn't have given her crew away like that. She already made up her mind; she'd give that icky bastard some locations that had nothing to do with this, and Jan could break every bone in her body but will find no words of hers helpful, and I just worry of and for that girl.

She made that six-story high climb up a burning chimney with a tight time span, she climbed silos that are twenty storys high with an even tighter window of time, she walked a wire on that height and would've walked many more had things gone according to plan (thanks, Dunyasha), she climbed up shipping containers with a knife stabbed at her side, more or less to ensure she did her best for the crew that was counting on her. She would rather end it herself than find herself captive in those enemy's hands, this playing both into her loyalty as well as her history with captivity and what it meant for her.

She is the Wraith, with a reputation that proceeds her, and she also knows how crucial her skills are, how much her crew depends on her, how many of the plans center on and are weaved around her abilities, but she is also fully aware of her limits, fully acknowledging of her betters (Dunyasha you scare me, genuinely). She is religious and holds her faith very dear, but has made peace with the lives she's taken and will continue to take.

Many people see her as Dirtyhand's Wraith and fear her for her association with him, for his uses of her and the things she does at his bidding, but she is scary in her own light and I don't think people should fuck with that.

When she came for Pekka that night, carved in knife right above his heart, promised him a second slash if he thinks of coming back to Ketterdam, she made the once-proclaimed king of the barrel remember pain and fear.

And as if that didn't shake the man enough, she also made sure to replace his son's lion stuffed doll with a fucking crow, so that he'd see it when he inevitably ran to check in on his kid amidst his blood and panic. She gave this man enough mental damage to warrant endless psychiatric help and a lifetime of cowering, fear and paranoia (totally warranted am 100% in support)

She wears her heart on her sleeve; not in the sense of being naive, but in the sense of not being scared of displaying her emotions and thoughts. Her sentiments aren't random, because she always made it clear she cares for the people around her, she will go out of her way to protect them at her own expense and she will nurture those friendships she's built. Her suli subverbs and beliefs don't come off as a surprise, not to anyone around her and not to us as readers because she proudly displays her faith.

Many times, it felt like people, even Kaz, saw her faith as her weakness, something to be exploited, her sentiments something to poke fun at and use to taunt her with, but it's what makes her stronger. It's these thoughts and feelings that keep her going and keep her fighting. It's these friendships and heartfelt moments that she pushes herself over the edge for, and it's that dream just out of reach that rekindles her spirits even brighter than ever, and there's something so beautiful and heartwarming in it and about her that I can honestly spend this new year dissecting and talking about because am insufferable with a rotting hyperfixation. Why are you still here? Jkjk thankyou for reading this brain vomit of thoughts see you in my next tedtalk maybe. Btw if it wasn't glaringly clear I love SoC and Inej lol

[iamyoursonly]

To be loved (17/01/2024)

omg it’s been so long since i’ve last written, i feel rusty. pls donate ideas if you have some to spare and enjoy!!

How I wish I could be loved. How I wish to be able to go home to a person who’d love and treasure me, as I just into their arms with no care in the world. And they’d spin me around and give me a kiss. How wonderful is that. And how I wish to be able to experience that heavenly feeling of bliss.

Dancing around the ballroom, I see your silhouette on the balcony, I walked over, and as I made way to you, I had to resist the urge to fangirl over such a piece of art. How could a man be so gorgeous? How could he be simply perfect?

I made my way over to you, and as if the moon was shining right onto us, I turned over to you and saw you holding a cup of champagne, taking big, big sips from the cup.

“Hello, dear sir, how are you enjoying tonight?”

“I am well, thank you.”

“Would you care to have a dance with me? Because I would like a dance with you.”

The gentleman turned to make eye contact with me. You looked creeped out. I understand, I’m a stranger to you after all, but why do you look at me with such disgust? I can’t understand, so I kept on asking you if you would like to dance with me, but there was simply no response.

Then your gaze. It was so beautiful, I could dream about it all day. Those blue eyes that I could stare into and feel like I’m standing next to the ocean, as strong wind blows into my face. Oh, now I wish to have one more dance with you. But for now, just one. I won’t be greedy.

When you gave me your answer, it was a simple no. How I wished it was a joke, and that you’d ask me to dance again. and you go like “My lady would you care to dance with me?” but you didn’t.

As I left the ball with regret, I couldn’t help but keep thinking of those captivating eyes, your eyes. And I wished that I could see you again.

Why can’t I be the one in your arms? I wish to be the one you hold, treasure and live for. Every moment I’d imagine your kisses trailing down my neck, and you’re desperate. As if I was your one and only divine goddess like how I should be.

My imagination gradually slowing down as all my dreams and desires shattered, making my heart break into pieces like the broken mirror in front of me. Light rays reflecting everywhere as I knelt down and cried out tears of pain, for hours and hours until I can’t anymore. My eyes were swollen and limbs were numb, I just sat emotionless for days and hoped that it was all a daydream.

The fact that you were engaged to my sister instead of me broke my heart. my parents explained that this was not intentional, but my sister looked like she did this on purpose, like how she was trying to humiliate me every time I achieve something. And I hope to have achieved you first, but I didn’t. Instead, she has you too now.

It’s not like I know your name or you know mine, but it’s the fact that I just wanted something that belonged to me. And only me. Someone who would treasure me and love me forever, someone who wouldn’t abandon me or give me up when the situation is hard, someone who will comfort me when times are hard, someone who wouldn’t compare me to my sister at all… Someone like you.

Oh… The feeling to be loved. I don’t think I can feel this at all, I don’t have you nor anyone to share all these complicated feelings with. Dear God, if you hear me. I only wish to have a person who would be by my side and love me. That is all I ask for. Will you grant me this simple wish and bring you to me?

I prayed and prayed every day, hoping that one day you’d show up at my room door and say that you wanted to marry me instead. But every day I waited and waited. You were nowhere to be seen.

So I picked up reading, I read a series and another, and another in the family library, simply hoping to bump into you in there, so we could talk, talk about how you married my sister instead of me, or not. And I actually did bump into you. You smiled and waved towards me, you asked me what I was reading, and that was the first time you willing talked to me. I was overjoyed.

Then the next day, I saw you waiting for me in the library. I don’t know if I should feel at ease about your situation with my sister as you guys were just engaged but not married. But all I could do is smile and let it all go, while hoping for the best.

We talked about books from historical to romance to fantasy, basically every genre. And I loved every moment with you. I feel like you will be happy with me too. The way you looked at me was still different from how you look at my sister. How your eyes were filled with love when you look at her.

So all I could do is sit at the library, then talk to you and look as you go back to my sister. Hoping that you guys won’t last.

Thankfully, you didn’t. And I found out your name was Satoru Gojo. When you got your heartbroken, I was the one that you came running into, in tears. I know what you’re feeling, it was the same when I heard the news about you and my sister.

Oh, how I wish to be loved. How I wish to be loved by you. When you told me that you loved me instead of my sister, and all that loving towards my sister was an act, I could just cover my mouth and feel my stomach explode with butterflies.

“Really?” I muttered out, in shock. and I saw the corners of your mouth lift slowly into a smile, and then you nodded.

I threw my arms over you, and you let me.

The feeling of love and the feeling of home. I couldn’t thank the heavens enough for you and for your love.

Now every day, I can just lie in bed with you, as you read my favourite stories to me. It was my dream come true, and I wish it can last forever. My feeling of love. And the feeling to be loved.

master list

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Hey could you write Modern Sihtric x Reader,where he is a single dad of a 4 year old and falls in love with younger Reader who is a teacher of his baby. And he is afraid of commitment and heartbreak but at some point he realizes it's worth the risk. Just a thought I had. Thanks a lot. I admire your writings. Your fics always make up my day.

Warnings: mention of shitty divorce, kidnapping and slight violence. angst/fluff

Pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

Summary: see request!

Word count: 6.6k

Note: sorry it took me a while to get to your request! I enjoyed writing this, so thank you for the challenge! I hope it's worth the wait :) I also will die on this hill saying Cynlaef was his son so there you go.

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @valeskafics

'Maybe because no one loves me, or cares about me, or needs me!'

******************

'Hey,' you said compassionately to the child who was still waiting to be picked up after school, 'will your father pick you up today?' 

The little boy shrugged and looked down at his feet. 

You sighed. This was the third time in one week that the poor kid was picked up late, and so it was the third time you had to try and call his father, asking him why he wasn't there and if someone could take home his son before the school closed for the day.

The little boy, Cynlaef he was called, was the 4 year old son of one Sihtric Kjartansson. You had never met the man or even spoken to him, but you knew the last name all too well. Several years ago the newspapers had been full with headlines about Kjartan and his son, Sven, who apparently had a long track record of abusive behaviour before they were finally arrested. However, there had never been any mention of Sihtric, so maybe he was not related, which you hoped, because you wanted a bright future for the little kid. 

Unfortunately, Sihtric would never pick up his phone when Cynlaef was more or less forgotten, and the man who had picked up the boy every time was an Irish man who had introduced himself as Finan, Cynlaef's uncle. Finan was smart enough to give his number to the school the first day, in case no one was able to reach Sihtric, which had been the case these past few days.

Cynlaef started in your class only three weeks ago, when the new school year had already started. The boy was quiet and seemed thoughtful, and you had already noticed he could become trouble, as he wasn't afraid to strike a punch when someone took his toy sword during playtime.

'Is your uncle Finan picking you up today?' you asked, but Cynlaef quietly shrugged again.

'Okay,' you sighed and took his hand, 'come wait inside, I will call your father.' 

You took the boy inside and sat him down at your desk in the classroom. 'Wait right here, okay?' you said and handed the boy a lollipop, 'I will be right back.' You ruffled the boy's hair and walked out to the hallway where you rang his dad, not expecting him to pick up the phone, but it was mandatory to always try to reach the parent first, before someone else.

'Hello?' Sihtric's voice sounded rough when he picked up.

'Uh, hi,' his voice threw you off a little, 'I am your son's teacher, and he is still wa-'

'Oh, gods,' the man groaned, 'I am sorry. I will be there as soon as I can.'

And before you could say another word he had already hung up the phone, which left you surprised and a little heated. You had to tell this man off for neglecting his son like this, again.

'Cynlaef?' a bewildered looking man stepped into your classroom as he called out for his son.

'Daddy!' Cynlaef cheered and threw his hands up.

'Cynlaef!' the man sighed and sprinted over to the little boy, took him in his arms and kissed his head, 'I am so sorry, little one.' 

You watched the man, who had a pained and guilt ridden expression on his face as he held onto the kid for dear life. He was well built and you could see his scarred, toned arms, as well as a part of his muscular torso as he was wearing a tank top with low sides. The man had long, dark hair, which was tied into a bun, a well kept goatee, a tattoo on his neck that ran up into his hair, and when he looked at you, you saw he had two different coloured eyes, as well as a scar on his forehead and one on his cheekbone. He had to be Kjartan's son.

'I'm sorry,' he said and walked over to you, 'I'm Sihtric,' he held out his hand, staring at you with his big, beautiful eyes, awaiting your introduction.

'Oh, uh, hi,' you stammered with a chuckle, you shook his hand and introduced yourself. 

You blushed at his firm handshake and quickly looked away from him when the man brought his focus back to the child in his arms. You felt silly. You had met quite some handsome young fathers during your few years as a teacher, but none with such a striking look as Cynlaef's father.

'Eh,' you cleared your throat, 'Mr. Kjartansson, I'm really so-'

'Please,' Sihtric interrupted while he stole Cynlaef's lollipop and stuck it in his own mouth, 'just call me Sihtric. I do not carry my family name with pride.'

'I- I see,' you stammered. So he was related indeed. 'Well, Sihtric,' you chuckled lightly, 'eh, I'm sorry to throw this at you right now but,' you paused and met his eyes, making your cheeks heat up as you continued, 'we really have to talk about Cynlaef. In a short period of time there have been several issues after school already. We can't have a child here with no one to pick up. It is irresponsible. You- you need to do better.' You were a little taken aback by your own words.

Sihtric looked down at his feet while he clenched his jaw, showing his guilt again.

'I know,' he said quietly, 'I'm really trying.'

'I'm not saying- I don't mean that you are not trying, I just don't understand how this can happen. It's such a simple task to pick up your child,' you said as compassionately as you could.

'Yeah,' Sihtric sighed as he scratched his forehead, 'it is a simple task.'

An awkward silence fell and you looked for some flyers.

'Here,' you said and held out a flyer to him, 'there are many parents who can't pick up their child right away, you could sign Cynlaef up for an after school program. Then he gets picked up here after school and brought home before-,'

'No,' Sihtric said firmly, 'I will not hand my child over to a stranger. What kind of father do you think I am?'

'I-I'm sorry,' you replied quickly, 'I didn't mean to offend you. But I can assure you these programs are safe.'

'No,' he shook his head and held his boy tightly, 'I won't do it.'

'But then you have to make sure he is picked up every day after school,' you said, 'if you keep this up I have to file a complaint to the headmaster. This can result in Cynlaef being sent away from school as well as a visit from child protection services, as it will be filed under neglect.'

'I am not neglecting my son!' Sihtric raised his voice slightly, which startled you and he seemed to regret it immediately, 'I- I am sorry, lady.'

'Yeah,' you whispered as you looked down for a moment and took a deep breath, 'okay. Also, eh, next week there will be parent and teacher conversations, to give a quick update about how the children are doing. We have sent letters to every legal guardian, have you received one?'

'Maybe,' Sihtric sighed, looking playfully mean at Cynlaef after the boy had pulled the lollipop out of his mouth, 'I haven't been home in a while.'

'You haven't been home?'

'It's complicated,' Sihtric said, not meeting your eyes.

'But where does Cynlaef stay?'

'With me.'

'But… not at home?'

'We have been staying with his uncle, Finan.'

'Oh,' you said, and you watched how Cynlaef hugged his father, to which Sihtric smiled and closed his eyes, and you thought Sihtric's eyes had teared up when he looked at you again.

'I best get going,' Sihtric said, 'thank you for looking after him, lady.' 

He gave you a weak smile and turned to leave. You smiled at Cynlaef who waved at you over his dad's shoulder as he was carried away. And your heart skipped a beat when you met Sihtric's eyes as he unexpectedly looked back at you while he walked out.

The next few days had gone well, Cynlaef had been picked up in time every day, albeit not by Sihtric, but by Finan. And on friday afternoon, when most parents had left already with their child, you decided to talk to Finan while he was tying Cynlaef's shoelaces.

'Hi, Finan,' you smiled. 

The Irish man looked up at you and greeted you with his warm smile.

'Hi yourself,' he winked.

Uncle Finan was a charmer, and you knew many mothers had already eyed him up the past few weeks, which he had been very aware of. And you were convinced Finan took advantage of Cynlaef, so he could talk to the single moms and see what his chances were. You had to say you were fond of Finan by the little you had seen of him.

'Can I ask you something?'

'I already gave you my number,' he joked.

'Oh my god,' you snorted.

'I'm only joking, what is it, love?'

'It's… his father,' you nodded at Cynlaef, 'what's his deal? He seemed rather bewildered.'

'Oh, so you've met the bastard finally,' Finan grinned, 'yeah,' he then sighed, 'look, Sihtric's a good lad, but his divorce has been rough on him. He's been in a legal battle with his ex wife for two years already.'

'Oh, goodness,' you said, and you felt for Sihtric and his little boy.

'Yeah, it's a disaster. They have been staying over with me for a while already. A few months ago his ex broke into their previous shared home and she has changed all the locks.'

'What?' you scoffed.

'I know, another legal fight they are working out right now. The house is in her name, yet he bought it and basically owns everything inside the house. But because it's in her name, and god knows how that happened, he can't do shit,' Finan sighed, 'it's a nightmare. It has really fucked him up. He thought she loved him but apparently all she wanted was his money.'

'What about Cynlaef? Is she his mother?'

'Aye, but the whore has never given him time of day, excuse my language.'

'You're excused,' you mumbled and shook your head.

'That is why I usually pick him up,' Finan continued, 'the mom is not in the picture anymore for the boy, not after she managed to pick him up at his previous school one day, unbeknownst to Sihtric. She had plans to take the kid abroad with her, without informing anyone, just to hurt Sihtric.'

'What? You mean like kidnapping?'

'Aye,' the Irish man said, 'she doesn't have custody, and luckily she didn't get far and we got the little man back fast,' he ruffled Cynlaef's hair quickly, who giggled, 'but that is also why he changed schools abruptly. As far as we know she doesn't know where he is now. And Sihtric,' Finan sighed again, 'he's just working day and night. Trying to forget everything. It's not a good coping mechanism but, what can I say, at least he is coping.'

'What does he do? His work I mean?'

'He has his own gym, he teaches and trains people,' Finan said, 'but I know he's not spending his time there to train others. He's just there to rid his own anger, and not always doing it safely. But, after everything I can't blame him. First the shit with his father and then this,' Finan shook his head, 'poor bastard. All he wants is a family.'

You didn't really understand what Finan meant by not being safe, but regardless, you felt bad. Sihtric was clearly trying his best, but his ex wife had simply broken him and his general trust in people. And now you also understood why he didn't want Cynlaef to be signed up for the after school program.

You thanked Finan for his time and you high fived Cynlaef before they left. And you wondered if Sihtric would show up for the conversation next week.

'I'm glad you came,' you smiled politely at Sihtric, who had caught you by surprise when he had walked into the classroom Wednesday evening for the conversation. He had greeted you with a shy smile, which was a pleasant contrast to his muscular arms, which were again visible as he was wearing a white, slim fitting shirt, which showed off his abs underneath. And you wondered if he wore it on purpose. But Sihtric had been oblivious to that, he was just glad he managed to find a clean shirt in time for the conversation that did not have Cynlaef's peanut butter fingerprints on it.

'I managed to find the letter in time,' he said softly and gave you a small smile. And you knew it must have been rough to retrieve that letter, as everything was probably sent to the house he couldn't get into anymore.

You watched Sihtric as he anxiously fidgeted with his rings, and you noticed his bruised hands. And then you understood what Finan meant when he said Sihtric wasn't always being safe at his gym. Meaning he'd often punch bags, or maybe even people, with his bare fists, risking serious damage. You watched him for a short moment and you couldn't help but feel attracted to the quiet, handsome yet pained man.

'So,' you began, 'Cynlaef has been doing well. But he is very quiet for his age.'

Sihtric smiled with a soft hum and he looked up at you with those beautiful eyes.

'I am guessing he learned that from his father,' you chuckled lightly, and you saw Sihtric's eyes light up a little while he looked at you.

'I am afraid so,' Sihtic said quietly with a cheeky smile, before he looked down at his feet again.

'My job is to not only teach, but also observe the behaviour of the children. I just need to be sure Cynlaef has a safe environment to grow up in, back home. A closed off attitude at his young age can be a result of some trauma, or that he is not taught to communicate his feelings,' you spoke cautiously.

'He has a safe home and no trauma as far as I know, back home he is outgoing and happy,' Sihtric said calmly.

'That is all I wanted to hear,' you smiled politely again, 'I am not saying it's the only cause for behaviour like his, but as a teacher, I have to ask.'

'I understand.'

'And… there is another thing I need to discuss,' you rubbed your forehead a little nervously, 'Cynlaef, eh,' you stammered, 'he has a habit of… throwing a punch when another child is playing with him and tries to take his toy sword.'

'A punch?' Sihtric frowned, biting his lip as he tried to hide a smile.

'Yeah, a rather… proper punch,' you also struggled to compose your face, 'which I assume he also learned from his father.'

Sihtric saw you glanced quickly at his bruised hands, which he hid immediately by shoving them into the pockets of his black sweatpants.

'I will talk to him about it,' he said, slightly blushing.

'That would be great, thank you,' you smiled.

And your cheeks coloured a light shade of pink too as you stared into each other's eyes for a moment without speaking. Until Sihtric looked away after a slight hint of fear had made its way into his gaze, and he cleared his throat.

'Is there anything else?'

'N-no,' you said, flustered by the handsome father, 'that is all.'

Sihtric nodded and got up, but before he left the classroom he turned to you.

'If my son, you know,' he chuckled lightly, 'throws another punch, will you let me know?'

'I will,' you smiled, 'if you answer your phone that is.'

'Just text me, lady,' Sihtric said.

You watched him walk out through the hallway, biting down on his lip in an attempt to hide his smile, but you still caught a glimpse of it.

friday.

You: Sihtric, your son has punched another classmate. I had to call the crying child's mother, who had a go at me…

Sihtric: gods

Sihtric: was there blood involved?

You: what? 

You: no, goodness!

Sihtric: oh

Sihtric: good

Sihtric: :) 

You giggled at his reply, which was very unprofessional of you, but you couldn't help yourself.

You: it's nothing too serious, but he spooked the other kid a little

You: and now his mother demands a word with you after school in the classroom

Sihtric: you're serious?

You: unfortunately…

Sihtric: what time?

You: around 3

Sihtric: okay, I guess I'll be there. Thank you

You: no problem :)

You: oh, Sihtric…

You: maybe, you know, hide your bruised hands when you're here

Sihtric: will do, lady ;) 

Sihtric walked into the school a little over 3, just as you were mid-heated conversation with Aelswith, the mother of Edward, the boy who had been on the receiving end of Cynlaef's fist earlier that day. Meanwhile, Cynlaef and Edward were playing outside, as if nothing had happened.

'This is not the first time, is it?' Aelswith snapped at you.

'Well, it's… I mean,' you stammered.

'I know he's a Kjartansson!' she scowled, 'no good man ever came from that family.'

'Hey, that is really rude,' you snapped back, 'you can't say those things. Keep this conversation polite, will you?'

'No!' Aelswith hissed, 'that boy needs to be taught some manners, or he will become a savage just like-'

'What about my boy?' Sihtric spoke calmly, but sternly, as he walked into the classroom.

And you couldn't help but smile when you saw him, looking just as fine as he did the first time you saw him, wearing a black sleeveless shirt, black denim jeans and black leather boots. His hair was loose today, but he carried a black hair tie around his wrist.

'Sihtric, hi,' you said softly and smiled as neutral as you could, hoping you didn't blush.

'Lady,' Sihtric nodded, with the hint of a smile as he looked at you, but his attention was quickly claimed by Aelswith.

'Your boy,' she said, turning up her nose, 'needs to behave himself.'

'Does he?' Sihtric scoffed and raised his eyebrows. 

You tried to hide your smile when you saw how he hid his hands behind his back, clenching his jaw while he let the mother continue her rant. Which became rapidly more rude and hostile on her side.

'Okay, okay,' you interfered, 'look, Aelswith-'

'It is Lady Aelswith!' her shrill voice snapped at you, 'do not forget I am married to the descendant of a king.'

You looked at her, emotionless, which Sihtric apparently thought was funny because he snorted.

'Forgive me, Lady,' you sighed and rolled your eyes, which she didn't see because she was busy giving Sihtric a nasty look. But Sihtric caught your reaction and it did something to him. He liked you. He already liked you the first time he saw you, but he had tried to keep you off his mind. Which turned out to be not that easy. And he had to admit he was quite happy that Cynlaef had given him a reason to see you again. And without thinking, he crossed his arms, causing Lady Aelswith to see his bruised hands.

'Like father like son,' she muttered, to which Sihtric's eyes seemed to darken for a moment.

'I guess that goes for your boy too,' Sihtric snapped back.

Lady Aelswith gasped offended and you quickly interfered before it could escalate again.

'We will talk to Cynlaef about it, I promise,' you calmed her down, 'I already made Cynlaef apologise to Edward, and they seem fine. It wasn't too serious, but I agree,' you glared at Sihtric, who looked at you with his cheeky smile, 'there will need to be a word about his behaviour.'

Sihtric squinted his eyes lightly at you, sensing you weren't just talking about his son's behaviour, and he licked his lips as he looked away from you.

'It will not happen again, Lady,' you said to the mother, who had trembling hands as you walked her out of the classroom. You reassured her that it will be resolved once again in the hallway before she finally left. When you walked back in the classroom you saw Sihtric leaned on your desk, arms crossed, with an amused smile gracing his face.

'It's Lady Aelswith,' he mocked.

'It's not funny,' you said, trying to hold your laugh as you walked over to him.

'It is a little,' he grinned, making you chuckle.

'You just had to provoke her, didn't you?' you pointed at his hands as you sat across from him.

'Honestly,' Sihtric smiled, 'it was not my intention. I didn't think about it.'

'Sure,' you shook your head with a smile and your eyes trailed down to his bruises again.

'Looks pretty bad, no?' you said a little more serious.

'It's fine,' Sihtric stood up, showing you his hands, 'nothing serious.'

'Are you sure?' You got up and took his hands in yours without thinking, inspecting his bruises, 'I mean some of them are rather fresh looking.'

'Maybe,' Sihtric said softly as he looked down at you. And when you looked up at him, his face was only inches away from yours.

'Why do you do that to yourself?' your voice showed a little hurt.

'To feel something,' he shrugged lightly.

'That is not the way to go about it,' you smiled weakly at him, 'there are other ways to make yourself feel something.'

'Are there?' Sihtric asked softly as he pulled you a little closer.

'There are, I promise,' you smiled shyly.

'But what if I am afraid those ways might end up hurting me more?'

His eyes darted between your eyes and your lips as he leaned in closer.

'Then you will never know if those ways may end up not hurting you,' you almost whispered as he cupped your cheek with one hand while his other hand settled on your waist. And you felt his breath on your face for a short moment until he captured you into a soft, sensual kiss. 

And the feeling of his tongue against your lips and in your mouth was something you needed more of, and you couldn't help but tug at his sleeveless shirt as he held you tighter, gradually deepening the kiss, much to both of your pleasure. Your hands ran up his chest, onto his neck and into his hair when he moved his rough hand down from your cheek to your neck, while his other hand slowly slid from your waist to your hip, holding you in an eager and firm grip as both your breaths were slowly turning into soft moans.

'Daddy!' Cynlaef suddenly shouted happily.

You pulled away from Sihtric as fast as you could, both clearing your throats and wiping your lips as the kid ran into the classroom. The little boy jumped in Sihtric's arms and, luckily, the boy was too young to fully grasp that his father had just kissed his teacher. You looked away with red cheeks while Cynlaef distracted Sihtric, or so you thought. Sure, the kid was tugging Sihtric's hair, much to his annoyance, but that didn't mean he wasn't looking at you anymore.

'I- I'm sorry,' Sihtric said, and his whole energy changed abruptly, 'I shouldn't have done that.' He shook his head as he looked down. 'I'm sorry,' he said again as he walked to the door, 'I… it's…this is not a good idea.'

'Bye bye!' Cynlaef yelled to you with a smile when Sihtric walked away. 

You sat down behind your desk and buried your face in your hands. Making out with a father? In your classroom? Of course this was not a good idea. But you didn't regret it. And you definitely liked the man.

The next Monday it was your turn to make sure all the children got picked up by their parents. After you waved them goodbye one by one, there were eventually only a handful of children left. One of them being Cynlaef, who said he would be picked up by his uncle, so you didn't expect to see Sihtric stepping out of the car. You felt yourself blush instantly and picked up Cynlaef so he wouldn't run across the street upon seeing his dad.

'Hi,' you smiled at Sihtric as you put Cynlaef back on his feet, who clung onto Sihtric's leg right away.

'Hey,' Sihtric smiled politely, brushing one hand through his long hair before he took a deep breath. It seemed as if he wanted to say something, but instead he just picked up Cynlaef, and wished you a good day before he got back to his car. Which simply didn't sit well with you.

You: I'm sorry to text you like this, but I just hope things aren't going to be awkward now every time we see each other at school

Sihtric: you don't have to worry about that

You: okay… because you weren't really talking today. Just making sure we're good.

Sihtric: I'm just a little tired today

Sihtric: and it was just a kiss

Sihtric: it didn't mean anything

Sihtric: it was a mistake on my end and I'm sorry

Sihtric: won't happen again

You: well… that's cleared up then

Several weeks had passed since the kiss and Sihtric had made it clear it really didn't mean anything to him. He would greet you when he'd pick up Cynlaef every day, but that was all. Except his eyes always lingered on you, and you just didn't understand what his problem was. After a few days of awkward hellos and goodbyes you started to avoid him and asked a colleague to see off the children for a few weeks.

But you'd have to face Sihtric soon again anyway, as you were only a few days away from another round of parent and teacher conversations. And of course, Cynlaef also decided to throw another punch at Edward again just before the weekend started, which forced you to have another word with Sihtric even before the conversation next week.

You: Cynlaef punched Edward again. Talk after school.

Sihtric: will the Lady be there?

You: no

Sihtric: good

You had no idea what he meant with that, but you also didn't care to ask. You reminded yourself it had just been a kiss. It meant nothing. It was just a silly kiss. A good kiss, though. A more passionate kiss than anyone had ever given you, even the few long term boyfriends you've been with had never kissed you in the way Sihtric had. But it meant nothing and you had to forget about it. 

Cynlaef sat at your desk, looking guilty as charged when his father showed up. And you immediately understood why he had asked if Lady Aelswith would be there. He was dressed in black denim jeans, black leather boots and a comfy looking grey hoodie. His hair was braided and his face sported several bruises; a cut lip, a cut eyebrow, a bruise on his cheek and the remainder of what had been a black eye.

'Daddy!' Cynlaef giggled, rocking on the chair, 'look,' Cynlaef smiled at you and pointed at Sihtric's face, not understanding the injuries, 'my daddy has paint on his face but it won't wash off.'

'Oh my god,' you said and jumped up as Sihtric walked into your classroom. You turned to the child and said, 'Cynlaef, go play outside for a little while, okay, honey?' to which the kid happily obliged and he ran out past his father, who didn't stop him. But Sihtric sighed as he expected to be told off for his appearance as well as his son's behaviour.

He stood in the middle of the classroom while you walked after Cynlaef, closing the door behind the kid and you quickly closed the blinds.

'Sihtric,' you said, calmly but worried as you rushed over to him. And you couldn't stop yourself from taking his hands, seeing those were bruised again as well, 'Sihtric, what on earth are you doing?'

'Nothing,' he played it down and pulled his hands back, 'just working out.'

'You have to stop this,' you sighed, 'I know I can't tell you what to do in your personal life, but showing up like this to pick up your child… it's not a good look. It will raise concern among the other parents and my colleagues too.'

'I don't care,' Sihtric said firmly.

'But I care,' you hissed, 'and I am concerned about you. I mean, look at you,' you gently cupped his bruised cheek, which he allowed and closed his eyes to your soft touch, 'stop getting yourself beat up.'

'I'm not the one who got beat up,' he chuckled lightly, 'you should see the other guy.'

'Sihtric,' you sighed, 'I'm serious. What will it take for you to stop being this reckless?'

He shrugged lightly, clenching his jaw as he looked away from you and took a step back.

'I just want my life back,' he said, 'peace and quiet, just me and my son, without my bitch of an ex wife going after everything I got. How else am I supposed to deal with that bullshit if not this way?' he hissed and immediately regretted his words. 'I'm sorry,' he clicked his tongue and rubbed his eyes, 'just… tell me what Cynlaef did so I can go home.' 

You shook your head and let out a sigh, 'No, I can't just let this happen. I can't sleep at night knowing that one of my students has a father who continuously fights, whether it is in the gym or not, and to know that the kid doesn't have a stable home because "that bitch of an ex wife" changed the locks!' you snarled, and as soon as the words had left your mouth you knew you had said too much.

'Who told you that?' Sihtric asked, heated, as he took a step closer, 'what do you know about that? Hm? Has she been here?'

'What? No! She hasn't,' you looked up into his eyes as he towered over you, 'Finan told me. A while ago already. I never did anything with the information, I never reported it but-'

'And you wish to report it now?' he scoffed, 'fine. Go ahead. Ruin the rest of my life too,' he shrugged, 'let someone take my child away from me. Like I fucking care,' he snapped, 'you're right! I am shit at being a dad, a complete fuck up, and that's what I learned from my father!'

'Calm down,' you hissed as quietly as you could and you grabbed his arms, 'yell any louder and I will have to report it.'

'Go and report it,' Sihtric dared you as he leaned in to you, 'and report that I kissed you too, I'm sure that will help your case.'

'Why on earth would I mention that?' you clenched your jaw and took a deep breath, 'you need to listen to me right now,' you said firmly, 'this behaviour of yours needs to stop. I am not out to take your boy away from you. I want the opposite! I see how you love him and care for him and that you need him. And I do not understand why you are making such a mess of yourself!'

'Maybe because no one loves me, or cares about me, or needs me!' Sihtric shouted, suddenly looking vulnerable.

'Cynlaef loves you,' you said, taken aback, 'he cares about you and he needs you.'

'He does not. How could he? I can't even let him sleep in his own bed.'

'He does! Whatever your ex has done to you, you have to let it go. Because if you don't, it will destroy your life. Forget about her and the past you had together. It is done! Don't punish yourself for her behaviour! And don't punish your child because of her behaviour.'

'You don't understand,' he said.

'You're right, I don't! I have never been divorced, or married for that matter, but all I see is a tormented, handsome man who is the father of a sweet little boy, who clearly loves you,' you cupped his cheeks, 'do not fuck that up, Sihtric. You have no right to do that.'

Sihtric looked at you for a few long seconds before he slammed his lips into yours. But this time the kiss wasn't slow and sensual like when he first kissed you a few weeks ago. This time it was rough, angry and heated, and he had to break the kiss after a short moment before it would go too far.

'And you have no right to keep me up at night,' Sihtric said, and he immediately turned and walked away. Leaving you behind flustered and in mild shock. And you didn't even get to talk about Cynlaef's punch to poor Edward's face.

---

It was already quite late that Friday, and you kept going back and forth with the thought of texting Sihtric about Cynlaef. You really just wanted Sihtric's attention because you had a crappy night, after a falling out with Lady Aelswith on the phone earlier that evening, and you needed that dopamine rush he seemed to give you. And he was just cute as hell. And a good kisser. But as it was nearing 10 in the evening, you weren't sure if you should do it. Until you accidentally hit send on a sentence you had written and wanted to erase.

You: we never got to talk about Cynlaef's behaviour, you really need to have a word with h

'Oh, fuck!' you yelled, and before you could delete the message you saw Sihtric was already typing.

Sihtric: I will, you have my word

You felt relieved that he answered, and rather quickly too, so you just went for it.

You: thank you

You: because I am tired of sweet talking the Lady to make her forget about it

Sihtric: you sweet talk the Lady?

You: I bet you find that very amusing

Sihtric: I may or may not…

You: just talk to your kid okay?

Sihtric: I will

You: and don't forget about the conversation next week!

Sihtric: I won't

You: and say hi to Cynlaef for me :) 

Sihtric: I will not

Sihtric: he's asleep already

Sihtric: I hope at least

You: you don't know if your son is asleep?

Sihtric: no, I mean that I'm not home 

You: don't tell me you're at the gym again…

Sihtric: I won't tell you

You: really………

Sihtric: but 

Sihtric: I was wondering

Sihtric: is there any chance that maybe

Sihtric: I get to kiss you again before the conversation?

Sihtric: or can I only kiss you during working hours?

You: yes

You: business hours only, sorry

You: unless 

Sihtric: unless?

You: you wish to bring me some chocolate right now

You: because I had a shit night, and I'm out of chocolate

Sihtric: text me your address 

---

About half an hour after you had texted Sihtric your address, he rang your doorbell, holding quite a variety of chocolate bars. His hair was loose and still wet, giving away he showered recently. He was wearing black sweatpants, white sneakers and the tank top with low sides, which you secretly liked so much because it showed his toned arms and part of his torso.

'I didn't know what kind you liked so,' Sihtric said and paused, looking at the ridiculous amount of chocolate bars in his arms, 'I got all of them.'

'So, is there anything you like?' Sihtric asked, a little worried as you both stared at the collection of chocolate on your table.

'Oh,' you snorted and felt your cheeks redden, 'well, eh, get inside and we'll see what you got.'

'Hm,' you hummed, 'yeah, most of them,' you smiled at him.

'Oh, thank the gods,' Sihtric chuckled and he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, 'so,' he spoke slowly, 'does that mean I get to kiss you?'

'That entirely depends on how you are planning to behave afterwards,' you raised an eyebrow and crossed your arms.

'Yeah,' he blushed lightly as he rubbed his arm awkwardly, 'I haven't been on my best behaviour with you. I'm sorry. It's just,' he paused to brush his hands through his damp hair and he groaned lightly, 'I'm afraid.'

'Afraid?' you frowned, 'of what? Surely not me I hope?' you chuckled.

'No, well, yes,' Sihtric sighed, 'I- I like you. But after everything… you know… It's… I'm just afraid to get hurt again,' he said, nervously pulling at the hair tie around his wrist.

'Oh, Sihtric,' you smiled softly and walked towards him, 'I understand that,' you took his hands, 'but why didn't you just tell me that right away? I mean, first you kiss me, which was great by the way,' you both chuckled, 'but after that you barely talked to me. Then you almost fight with me, and then you kiss me again. What was I supposed to make of that?'

'I know, I know,' Sihtric said and threw his head back with a sigh, 'I've been an idiot,' he said and looked back down into your eyes, 'it's just also, you know, being a single dad… doesn't make it easier.'

'But you know I like your kid,' you smiled, 'don't use him as an excuse for your stupidity.'

'I know,' Sihtric chuckled, 'but tell me, how can I make it up?'

'Well,' you looked over at the stack of chocolate with a grin, 'I guess you already did.'

'Did I?' he smiled as he leaned in, 'so, does that mean I get to kiss you now?'

'Oh, I'm not sure,' you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck.

'You're not sure?' Sihtric wrapped his strong arms around your waist with a cheeky smile.

'Hm, no,' you giggled as Sihtric nuzzled your nose softly, after which he pecked your lips gently.

'And now?'

'Still not sure,' you said, making Sihtric smile against your lips before he kissed you like the first time he had kissed you. Slow, sweet and sensual as he picked you up in his arms with ease to sit you down on your table, where he positioned himself in between your legs and leaned his hands on the table as he looked into your eyes.

'What about now?' he asked with a smile.

'I'm thinking maybe,' you giggled, before he gave you a soft kiss again.

'Maybe?' Sihtric smiled, kissing you once more, 'just maybe?'

'What time do you have to go home?' you asked as you tugged his shirt.

'Finan doesn't expect me until tomorrow night, my boy's with him,' he spoke softly and took your hands, sliding them under his shirt, onto his muscular body.

'Where did you tell him you'd go?' you felt dizzy at the feeling of his abs under your fingertips.

'The gym, I was there when you texted me. I had just finished a workout,' Sihtric said, biting down on his lip as he felt your cool hands on his warm skin, 'I stay over there some nights, when I just need to clear my head and be alone.'

'And you don't want to be alone tonight?'

'No,' Sihtric smiled as he placed his hands on your waist, 'tonight I just want to feel something.'

'Only tonight?'

'No,' he said again and shook his head, 'I was hoping you'd want to make me feel something that isn't temporary,' he kissed you soft and slowly, 'something that is more permanent,' he smiled and kissed you again, 'but won't leave me with any more scars or bruises.'

'I'd like that,' you smiled, before you allowed him to push you gently down onto the table as he climbed on top of you, where he would kiss you so passionately, you became dizzy and had to ask him to stop for a moment. You needed to eat a few pieces of chocolate, because you needed a sugar rush to keep you from fainting once you continued to both make each other feel something, which was only just the start of your lives together.

[crazycurly-77]

Memory Loss - Chapter 3

To help Gibbs as best as possible the whole team took their turns to visit him and speak with him. 

Your turn was directly after Duckys and as you entered the sick room and seeing Gibbs lying there you nearly broke down as every time you saw him like that. Ducky stopped telling a story, looked up at you and saw your tears. Cautiously you neared the bed and thankfully Ducky hugged and comforted you while you tried to compose yourself. 

“I know, my dear. We all take it hard. But he will get well soon, I'm absolutely convinced of that. And he will boss you around once more before you know it” he said. 

“Ducky…thank God for this man. He is simply wonderful” you thought. 

“I have just finished my story about my encounter with cannibals in the jungle and now have to go and cook for my mother. Will you be okay sitting with him for a while?” he inquired. 

“Yes, surely. I hope I can tell him something interesting” you smiled. 

“Sure you can, my dear. I think there's nothing you could tell him that doesn't interest him” he chuckled and winked. 

“Will you call me when he wakes up?” 

“Yeah, will do.”

“Good, then have a nice day. We will see each other tomorrow. If you need someone to talk to, just phone me.”

“Will do. The same for you, Ducky.”

Then he was gone and you were left alone with your still unconscious boss. 

You walked to his bed and just looked at him. He looked so peaceful as if he was only sleeping. But after a few seconds you gulped and had to look away as your guilt consumed you once more. 

So you sat down, softly grabbed his hand and began to narrate to him everything that came to your mind. 

“Hey boss, here I am again. And I absolutely plan to tell you so much until you wake up to make me stop” you laughed lowly. But he didn't react, of course not, he was still in coma. 

You sighed and tried your best to stay calm, to stay strong. For him. Because he needed the support of you all in the fight for his life. 

“You know, we caught the suspect and arrested him. Tony beated him up quite badly so he nearly had to be hospitalized, but the man really earned this. Now we have to do a lot of paperwork….

…but hey, that's your goal, isn't it? Avoiding an awful lot of paperwork and making us do it all for you. Now I see…!!!”

You laughed to yourself and nearly wished that he would shout at you for telling such idiotic things. But still nothing happened. 

So you continued. 

“Can you imagine, we are all missing you badly. Nobody stays directly behind us unexpectedly, no head-slaps and no one commands us to do anything. Abby is running short on caf-pow and Tony…is simply himself. At the moment he is the team leader and boy is he enjoying it. He ordered us to call him sir! I think he urgently needs a good head-slap to stay on the ground and you are the only one who can keep him in check. So you see, we depend on you and need you very much.”

You babbled all that came to your mind and hoped that it helped him in some way. 

Time flew by and soon Tim arrived to take over the shift. 

“Hey Y/N, any changes?” 

“No, but I nearly talked his ears off.”

You both laughed dearly and then you left the hospital to go home and sleep a little. 

The next day you sat at Gibbs’ side and held his hand again and told him everything and nothing, but mainly you told him what's in your heart. At least what concerned his injuries.

“Hi Gibbs, here I am again. Who would have thought?” you laughed. 

“Was a joke, don't think about it. In the office everything is as always, but you are greatly missed by everyone. Abby is beside herself and me…I don't know what to do. I can't eat, I can't sleep. It pains me to see you so sick and I'm feeling very guilty that you are sick because of me. When I think about it I wanna cry my eyes out of my head. 

I can't thank you enough that you protected me, but what should I do without you? Please wake up.”

Tears were stinging in your eyes again. You were hopeless and wished nothing more than for him to wake up and be himself again. But there was still no reaction from him. So you left to go home and cried yourself to sleep once more.

(To be continued...)

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Here you will find the other chapters of this story and the other stories I've written to date.

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Tags: @ilovemark1951, @hobby27

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[sparkly-scales]

Loviatar's Blessing Tav x Astarion BG3

Loviatars Blessing

ObsidianRose96

Summary:

“Astarion? What are you doing here?” “Basking in the aftermath of your questionable decisions. You naughty, naughty, girl.” He growls. “Gods, I can still smell it on you. That sweet, musky scent paired with the smell of your blood is absolutely…intoxicating. I can’t seem to resist it.” “What are you going on about?” You ask. “Oh, don’t play coy with me, darling. I heard you back there. Hells, everyone did. But unlike everyone else I could also smell you. One of the few perks of being a vampire spawn. The scent of your arousal was ever present as you were willingly being beaten. It still is. Odd, I didn’t take you for a masochist. It seems I learn something new about you every day.” The fic in which Tav discovers something about herself.

Notes:

Hey guys, sorry for the re-upload, I just didn't feel like it was complete. I went back and added some things as well as fixed a few mistakes I caught. Anyways, this is my second attempt at a smutty one-shot between Tav and Astarion. Don't fret my Gale lovers, I have something spicy coming out here soon that focuses on our favorite Wizard of Waterdeep. As a side note I'd like to add that your reactions to my last fic, Jealous Much, really inspired me to keep writing. I've been in such a low spot recently that I thought I had lost my touch. When I saw all the Kudo's it made me want to keep going and I really appreciate that. As always, thank you for choosing to read my fic. You could have (and probably should have) chosen to read something else, but you chose to read this dumpster fire and I am eternally grateful for your support. Without further Adieu, I present to you Loviatars Blessing.

Work Text:

This wasn’t a position you had ever expected to find yourself in. Especially while you were trying to infiltrate a goblin infested temple. Your bare chest is pressed up against an unforgivingly cool wall as your companions stand back, some are horrified at what’s about to go down and some hold their breaths in anticipation, eager to watch. Why you had agreed to this, you weren’t entirely sure. Perhaps it was the powerful blessing that was promised that swayed you. Or maybe it was the incredibly sexy priest of Loviatar, with his scantily clad sculpted body and infectious enthusiasm for his goddess. Either way, you were about to experience something completely new.

“Let Loviatar hear your dear one!” Shouts the priest. You hear a loud crack before you feel a sharp, stinging, pain spread across your back. You’re not sure what he’s using to beat you with, but it does the job, causing you to yelp in pain.

“Yes child! Sing your praises to Loviatar with your screams! Show her that you are worthy of her blessing!”

Another cracking sound and the stinging sensation returns. You feel hot, wet, tears streaming down your cheeks as the pain intensifies with the second strike. You also feel yourself getting wet somewhere else.

What in the hells? Were you…were you into this? Surely not...

Another strike and you scream yet again, louder this time.

“Gods, who knew she had so much blood.” You hear Astarion say.

"Will you please stop licking your lips? It's making me rather uncomfortable.” Says Gale, chastising the vampire spawn.

If you were bleeding, you couldn’t feel it.

“One more time! Come on, let the pain set you free!” Shouts the priest. This is his hardest strike yet and you’re horrified. Not because of the pain but because you didn’t scream. No, instead you let out a loud moan. There’s a lingering silence in the room as you slowly turn to face the priest and your companions. Your cheeks flush as you scan their faces. Poor Gale looks just as horrified as you do. Shadowheart is trying her best not to laugh, holding a hand in front of her mouth to try and conceal her amused grin. And Astarion looks…hungry, as if he wants to eat you alive. Which isn’t all that surprising since you were apparently bleeding.

“That was a rather…interesting reaction.” Says the Priest. “Well done my sweet child. You bore the pain like a true believer. And from what I can tell, you enjoyed the experience just as much as I did. I am proud to have served you this penance. You've certainly earned our goddess's blessing. Please, feel free to visit me again if you’d like to bask in her glory once more.”

“T-thank you.” You say. You go to put on your armor but let out a pained hiss as its leather touches your fresh wounds. Now that your adrenaline has worn off the pain is much more intense.

“Where did my shirt go? I’m gonna have to ditch my armor for now. Does anyone have an extra healing potion?”

“I don’t think we brought any.” Says Shadowheart. “But I may be able to cast a healing spell. Let me see.”

You turn your back to her. “Good gods!” She exclaims as she gets a better look at the wounds. You wince when she touches a particularly tender spot. “Is it bad?”

“It’s not great.” Says Gale. “We should head back to camp. I think it’s best that we do not proceed until you’re healed up.”

“Head back? But we just got here!” You groan.

“I’m going to have to agree with the wizard. You’re going to be useless until this is healed.” Says Shadowheart. “You can’t just waltz around picking fights without your armor. They’ll make you a pin cushion.”

“Gee, thanks. Wait, weren’t you going to heal me?” You ask, looking up at the cleric.

“My spells alone aren’t enough to fix this.” Says Shadowheart. “You’re going to need potions and salves as well as something to prevent infection. That flog did a number on you. I’ll cast something to ease the pain for now but Gale’s right, we need to go back to camp.”

“Ughhh fine. Let’s go back then. The sooner I heal the sooner we can finish dealing with the goblins.”

The walk back to camp is agonizing as the pain from your wounds becomes more and more intense. Your blood is oozing through your shirt, staining the white colored fabric red. Astarions eyes are on you the entire way back. He’s trying to keep himself composed but he’s finding it difficult. Yes, the blood dripping down your back was enticing but there was something else emanating off of you that was driving him absolutely mad. Your arousal. You naughty, naughty girl. To him you seemed like the innocent type, a little vanilla babe that wouldn’t do more than what was necessary. But as he watched you being beaten, when he heard your unmistakable moan, when he could smell your lust, he quickly realized that there was more to you than he had previously thought. And he wanted to explore it.

“Go to your tent and take off your shirt. I’ll cast a simple healing spell for now and douse the wounds with a healing potion, but I’ll need to procure some herbs and other ingredients for the salve.”

“You have to make it?” You ask.

“Yes. It's a minor inconvenience but it doesn’t take much. It's fairly simple to make and all of the ingredients I need are around us. I just have to find them.”

Shadowheart follows you to your tent and she begins the healing process she had explained earlier. The pain is still present but it’s not as bad as it previously was. Once she leaves, you lay there and relax. You didn’t realize how much that had taken out of you because you find yourself falling asleep. That is until you hear the flaps to your tent open.

You slowly lift up your head, expecting to see Shadowheart. Instead you see Astarion with that same, hungry, look in his eye. He looks almost predatory as he starts to slowly crawl towards you, like a lion about to take down its prey. “I have to say darling, I’m so glad you agreed to let that priest beat you like that. It was quite the show.”

“Astarion? What are you doing here?”.

“Basking in the aftermath of your questionable decisions. You naughty, naughty, girl.” He growls. “Gods, I can still smell it on you. That sweet, musky scent paired with the smell of your blood is absolutely…intoxicating. I can’t seem to resist it.”

“What are you going on about?” You ask.

“Oh, don’t play coy with me, darling. I heard you back there. Hells, everyone did. But unlike everyone else I could smell you. One of the few perks of being a vampire spawn. Your arousal was ever present as you were willingly being beaten. It still is. Odd, I didn’t take you for a masochist. It seems I learn something new about you every day.” He crawls up the length of your body, hovering over the open wounds on your back. "It would be such a shame to let all of this blood go to waste.” He says, tracing a finger over one of the wounds. You wince as you feel his fingertip make contact with a strip of open flesh. And without warning you feel his tongue start sliding across your back, lapping up the leftover blood that had been pooling in your wounds. You hiss at the sensation. The sting of his saliva isn’t pleasant but also not….unwelcome? You’re confused at the way your body reacts to this. You should be put off by how unpleasant this feels but the aching between your thighs tells a different story.

“There it is again. That sweet, alluring smell. You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” You don’t answer him. You’re not even sure what to say to that. “Being coy again are we? Darling you don’t have to be like that around me.” He continues to lap up the rest of the blood on your back, and the throbbing feeling intensifies.

“Delicious!” He declares once he’s finished. “Your blood is exquisite when it’s mixed with your sweet, sweet, lust. I still find myself hungry though.”

"Do you need more blood? I can let you feed on me.” You say.

“Oh darling, you’re such a sweetheart. I’ll be sure to take you up on that, but that’s not what I’m talking about.” You shiver beneath his touch as he slides his finger down the length of your body, starting at your shoulder blade and stopping at the hem of your trousers. “I want to taste you.”

Your eyes go wide as you realize what he’s insinuating. “I’m sorry, did I hear you correctly? You want to taste me? Like…down there?” You point down to your trousers.

He eyes you curiously. “Yes? I thought I made my intentions pretty clear.” He says. “So, what do you say? Will you let me indulge myself in you?”

You take a moment to think about it. Would things be different between the two of you if you allowed him the opportunity to do something so intimate? Would things be weird? Awkward? You didn’t want to ruin your newfound friendship with the pale elf, a friendship you’d worked so hard for. The man was difficult to understand and it was a task to get him to trust you to begin with. If things become difficult between the two of you all of your hard work would go to waste. But the aching in your thighs was growing ever stronger as he hovered over you, his crimson colored eyes heavy lidded with his own desire. Perhaps something like this would have the opposite effect, at least you hoped it would. Maybe if you were able to let yourself enjoy a moment like this with him it would make your bond stronger. Bring the two of you closer.

His lips find the shell of your ear, his voice low and sensual as he whispers, “I’ll make you feel very, very, good.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll allow it.” You say. “But how are we gonna do this? As you know, I can’t really lay on my back right now.”

“Don’t worry darling, I know how we can do this without hurting you further. Although, I’m not sure you’d be opposed to the idea of more pain.” He teases.

“Gods, I knew I should have brought Wyll along instead of you.” He pulls you to your feet, encouraging you to stand as he lies down on your bed roll.

“Oh please, you and I both know Wyll can't pick a lock the way I can. By the way, you may want to take those off.” He says, pointing to your trousers. “It’s going to be difficult to do this with those in the way.”

“Really?” Your voice drips with sarcasm as you begin to undress your lower half. When you pull down your panties you're surprised to see just how damp they are. They are soaked through the fabric, wet with your desire.

“Come here darling.” Astarion purrs once you’re completely bare. You walk over to him, a little timidly. This was the first time he was seeing you fully nude. This was also the first time you were indulging in an intimate moment like this. You were still pure after all, even if the events from earlier today suggest otherwise.

He pulls you down, his hands tightly gripping your hips as he positions you exactly where he wants you. You’re surprised to find yourself seated right under his face, right where his tongue had the best access to your now throbbing, aching, cunt. You hear him take a deep inhale of you before he slips his tongue between your folds. The feeling is certainly a new one but it’s incredible. You find yourself biting down on your bottom lip attempting to stifle the moans that threaten to escape you as he indulges himself. He laps you up as though he’s been starved and you can hear him let out little grunts as he savors the sweet taste of your sex.

“Gods, this is better than I could have imagined.” He groans against you. “I can’t wait until I get you to cum for me.” And with that, he withdraws his tongue just a little until the tip of it is touching that little bud of sensitive nerves. You hiss, withdrawing yourself from his face. The feeling wasn’t unpleasant by any means, just unfamiliar. Surprising.

“Are you alright, darling?” He asks, his face is etched with concern as he looks up at you.

“S-sorry.” You apologize, depositing yourself onto his chest. “I’ve just-this is my first time.”

“Really? You’ve never had anyone-

“Nope. This is my first time experiencing anything like this. I’m still…what’s the word?”

“A virgin?”

“Yes.” You say. “I’m still a virgin.”

He looks surprised by your revelation. “Really? By the way you were acting back at the temple I would have never guessed. I suppose that explains why you seemed a little confused earlier. I can stop if-

“No. No no no. I want this. Please continue. For once you’re actually making good use of your tongue.”

He chuckles at your clever quip. “As you wish darling. But do try and stay seated.” He pulls you back to his face, taking it slower this time as he teases your clit. It’s overwhelming at first, almost too much to bear. But eventually that feeling subsides, leaving you with a pleasure you’ve never had the chance to experience. You don’t even attempt to stifle back the moans that escape your lips.

“Mmm, you want them to hear us, don’t you darling?” Astarion murmurs beneath you. "Naughty, naughty, girl."

You don’t answer him. Instead you desperately grind your hips against his face, guiding his tongue to hit all of your sweet spots. Suddenly he withdraws from you and you let out a disappointed whine.

“Oh don’t look at me like that. I’m not finished yet. I just want to try something.” His lips start to graze the inside of your thigh, searching for the perfect spot. When he finds it he sinks his fangs into you. You have no idea how delicious you are darling. To him you're like a fine wine crafted specifically for his tastes. Ever since he’s been free he’s had the chance to sample a few other thinking creatures. Enemies that dared to challenge you and your companions. They were all good, there was no denying that. But they were nothing compared to you. Especially when you were so, so, close to the edge.

He continues to take long drinks from you, indulging himself in your delicious taste. The icy sting from his fangs, the light headedness, and the adrenaline that was now coursing through your veins is almost too much. It isn’t long before you feel your body begin to tense as you come to your climax. Your thighs begin to quiver and you let out a loud cry as a tidal wave of pleasure overtakes you. Gods, that felt incredible! Astarion hums happily beneath you as he switches from your thigh back to your sopping cunt. He hungrily laps up your sweet, sweet, juices but you find that the feeling of his tongue is overstimulating. You have to lift up off of him to get him to stop.

“T-too much. Need a second.” You pant.

“How was it?”

“Th-that was amazing.” You say, still trembling from your orgasm.

“I told you I’d make you feel good, didn’t I?” He looks up at you triumphantly, his face is covered with a mixture of blood and the clear, glossy sheen of you. You take your thumb and wipe some of the crimson liquid off the edge of his mouth. He’s always been such a messy eater.

“So, would you like to go further?” His question catches you off guard.

“What? What do you mean?” You ask.

“Would you like to have sex darling?” He asks. “And please, don’t feel pressured. You’ve given me so much already, I’ll understand if you don’t want to.” He says, absentmindedly twirling a strand of your hair around his fingers.

Of course that’s what he meant. Gods, you were so inexperienced in these matters. How embarrassing.

You take a moment to consider. You’re already sitting on top of him naked and the two of you have just shared a rather intimate moment. Why not let him be the one to take your purity? Besides, the tadpole has you constantly guessing whether or not there will be a tomorrow in store for you. If there was a time to lose your virginity, it’d be now, while the chance lay so willingly beneath you.

“Yes. I think I would.”

“I was so hoping you’d say that.” He says. He pulls you off of him so that he can unlace his trousers. His erection springs out at you, hard and ready, pre-cum already leaking from the tip. His hands find your hips and he positions you over his shaft. “I'm not sure if you know this or not but it’s going to hurt. I don’t think that will be a problem for you though, my little deviant.” He says, his lips are pulled into a devious smirk as he calls you by another one of his pet names.

“You’re not going to let me live that down, are you?”

“I don’t plan too.” He says. “Besides, I’m sure I can find ways to use this little kink of yours to my advantage.” He helps you lower yourself onto him and he’s absolutely right. It hurts. It’s a pain unlike any you’ve ever felt before, a strange combination of pressure and burning. And it’s driving you absolutely mad. How can something hurt so badly yet feel so damned good? You aren’t sure. It doesn’t make sense. None of what’s happening right now makes sense. But you don’t care. You’re just glad it’s happening, and with Astarion of all people.

He’s slow at first, allowing you to get used to the feeling of him inside you before he goes any further. Then he grinds himself against you, driving himself deeper and deeper into your cervix. “Fuck, you’re so tight, Tav!” He says through gritted teeth. He pulls you down close to him, holding you tightly against his chest as he bucks his hips into you. It's a bit of a task with how green you are but eventually he manages, filling you with the full length of his cock. This is an entirely new feeling and the pain is still present but gods, it feels so fucking good. You can't believe you've gone this long without ever experiencing something like this. Sure, you absolutely could have earlier in your life but no one ever really caught your attention. Astarion however, was an entirely different story.

His pace is steady, thrusting into you with quick, deep strokes, relishing the feeling of your tight little pussy taking all of him. Loud moans mixed with his name spill from your lips as you praise everything he's doing to you. Every thrust, every grunt, every dirty word that comes out of his mouth drives you closer and closer to the edge. It isn't long before that tense feeling returns and your thighs begin to tremble once more as that wave of pleasure overtakes you yet again. You loudly cry his name as he manages to unravel you for a second time.

His pace begins to falter and with a few more thrusts he too reaches his climax, spilling his seed deep inside of you. You collapse on top of him, just as Shadowheart opens the flaps to your tent.

“Oh! Oh gods! You could have at least left a sock outside or something!” She shields her eyes and quickly closes the tent flap, cursing as she walks away.

Astarion chuckles and gently moves you off of him, pulling his undergarments and trousers back on. "As much as I don't want to, I suppose I should let her have you now."

“That was…nice.” You say.

“Indeed. Perhaps we can make this a regular thing between the two of us? I rather enjoy your company, you know?” Your lips tug into a smile at his suggestion.

“I would like that.”

"Good." He plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, then another on your cheek before he leans down close to your ear and whispers, “Maybe the next time we indulge ourselves in one another I’ll have come up with all sorts of delicious ways to torment you. You’d like that, yes? And I’m sure I can find all sorts of fun items for us to play with. I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for a flog for my naughty, naughty, girl.”

Your cheeks turn bright red and he kisses you again, this time on the lips. He’s rough with it, parting your lips with his tongue, allowing you to taste yourself on him. A unique blend of the two of you dances around in each other's mouths as the kiss deepens. It’s divine, unlike anything you’ve ever tasted. His fang nicks your lower lip drawing out a tiny bit of blood which he greedily laps up. And then he pulls away, leaving you breathless and desperately wanting more.

I'll see you later, my sweet." He says, pressing one last kiss to your forehead before climbing out of your tent.

Shadowheart returns shortly after with an annoyed look on her face. In one hand she holds that salve she’s prepared. You laugh when you see what she’s holding in the other.

“Did you seriously bring me a sock!?”

“Yes. Please do not ever let me walk in on that again. The last thing I wanted to see today was Astarions ball sack.”

“I didn’t think you got the chance to see anything with how quickly you left.” You manage to say through your fit of laughter.

“Well I did and now I’m traumatized. Thanks for that.”

[alostlovergirl]

Bucky barnes or sebastian stan X innocent reader, where the reader goes to the doctor because she is constantly wet and feels tingling down there, and she doesn't know what it could be, so she goes to seek medical help, in a super beautiful clinic, with super cute doctor clothes, and still more with the nice and good doctor, bucky will take care of solving your problem in a very professional way (you know ;), 2,3,... X until she can't take it anymore, tying her legs wide open, talking dirty and manipulating her, and after finishing bucky says that every time you feel it you have to look for him, only he can make it stop, and gives the address of the "private clinic" to look for him. if there is any problem, I hope this fic is a little long.sorry if there are any mistakes, everything came from google translator

Open wide- Bucky Barnes x reader:

Summary: Taking a visit to the doctor concerning a private and embarrassing problem leads to some fun.

Warnings: Virgin reader, rough sex, rough taking of virginity, slight manipulation, crying.

Notes: I am so sorry anonymous for this taking so long. I have been dealing with a lot lately and I had to finish this quick. I hope you like it and I hope it is long enough for you. Thank you for your request!

Dr. Barnes is the best sexual therapist / Doctor around the Brooklyn area. He has dealt with multiple cases of couples with sexual frustration or non-communication with things in the bedroom. He has helped many achieve what they were looking for out of sex. Now, he was dealing with a case of a 21 year old woman, who apparently never dealt with sexual frustration in her life. Or never heard of sex. Or never had a sexual thought in her life ever apparently. It excited the older doctor. His mind wandered to a nervous, innocent woman opening up her tight, wet heat to him. To be seen by him for the first time, other than her parents. Bucky never thought of himself as a bad, uncomfortable doctor, but he has found it increasingly hard to control himself. After seeing pussy and the rare occasional virgin all damn day has had him in his office rubbing one off. So having a patient that has never heard of sex meant that maybe he could manipulate the woman to lose her precious virginity to his fateful techniques.

...

When he walked into his office with a pair of jeans and forest green sweater, binder full of files and right hand holding a black coffee, he didn't expect to see a shaking, small woman sitting in the cotton chair. She hair a blush on her increasingly not face and seemed mildly uncomfortable, squirming in the chair. ’ This was her?’, he thinks to himself, continuing past her and past the secretary booth, in pursuit of his office. She was gorgeous and her thighs would provide a great handle for him to pull her back on his aching dick.

Bucky sits in his plush seat, yawning before smiling to himself. He sends his nurse to get the young woman sitting there, waiting patiently. For a painful hour, he waits until he is ready to see her. His cock was throbbing in his pants, thinking about the wet mess that would be laying in front of him. He wasn't disappointed when he walked into a dripping wet pussy, facing the door. He had to hide his perverted side away and put on his friendly side.

"Good Morning, Miss." he says as he puts on some hand sanitizer and puts on his latex gloves. " How are we today?"

He hears the young women let out a sigh and breaths, shakily before speaking. " Nervous... ", god her soft voice was perfect. Shaky and quiet. It just made his dick jump in his pants again, but he has to control himself. ‘Don't freak her out more’ he tells himself before sitting himself in between her legs, putting his gloved hands on her warm thighs. He takes a deep breath, sneakily breathing the scent of her drenched, virgin pussy.

"Why ya nervous, dear? I'll help you out. Just tell me what's going on, alright?" he smiles when she nods in agreement. " What’s going on?"

He sits back and listens to the story over a 21 year old woman that never experienced hornieness or hormones. It's almost amusing to listen to the innocent woman laying on his table, rubbing her sticky thighs together. He acts professional, but in his mind, he was thinking of every way to " treat" his poor patient. As soon as she finishes, he scoots forward, putting his hands on her inner thighs and pulling them apart. " You know what you need? Some good old fashion relief.'' He is slowly losing his composure the longer she sits there with her pussy out in the open. " Let me help you."

He pushes her legs wide open, rubbing her inner thighs. He feels her tense, trying to close her legs. " Relax, darling" he presses his gloved thumb against her button. The little gasp she let out was music to his ears. She started to squirm, more arousal coming out of her little hole. He moves his thumb away only for thick strings of arousal wetting the gloved digit. He listens as her breathing quickens as he rubs his thumb against her sensitive nub.

"D-Doctor, what are you doing?” Her body temperature is slowly rising up as he continues rubbing her clit. Bucky smiles to himself, tracing his finger down to her opening, running it around her hole. He grips her thigh with an iron grip as she squirms around, trying to push back into the pleasurable feeling.

" You are so cute. This is all you needed to do, hun... But don't worry. I'll take care of you now." he chuckles, opening his mouth a bit, pushing his digit inside. She lets out a wanton moan. Bucky groans to himself as his cock was begging to let out of the ever growing tight jeans. He had to get a taste of her dripping wet cunt. Holding her thighs open as wide as they will go, he dips his head down, licking a firm stride along her cunt.

“D-doctor!” She lets out a gasp and closes her legs around his head. Bucky didn’t mind being trapped in her legs, close to her cunt, but he couldn’t breathe too well. He grabs her thighs and pulls them apart. He holds them tight enough to leave bruises while he works his magic mouth on her, sucking on her clit, relishing in her sweet taste. Virgin pussy has always tasted the best in Bucky’s opinion. He pulls away from her pussy, spits on it and goes right back down on her, hearing her moan out loudly, grinding on his face. His fingers climbed to the top of her cunt and pulled back the hood, giving him a more sensitive surface. He drools on her pussy, letting it dribble down on the table as he continues going down on her like a thanksgiving feast.

He feels a gushing sensation against his face, almost cutting off his airways. Bucky pried her legs off his neck and pulls away coughing. She was squirting everywhere, on the table, on him. Bucky groans, standing up, dripping wet. He takes off his sweater, and lab coat. He ties her up and smiles. “Look, you may be my favorite patient, but that doesn’t mean you can drown me.” He chuckles, shaking his damp hair. “Let me finish what I started darling.”

He starts taking off his belt, listening to her soft, quick breaths. She sounded scared, but Bucky was too horny to care at the moment. He got a taste of her virgin pussy, now he needed that virgin pussy on his cock. He needed to feel it squeezing around his every vein, every fucking inch as he forces himself into her tight hole. Bucky ties his back up and rubs his tip in her wet folds, smiling at the trembling woman, who was drooling a bit.

He aligns himself at her hole and pushes inside of her, bottoming out in her tight, warm pussy. It felt fucking amazing, the warmth made him feel like he was already about to fill her up. He grabs her thighs, thrusting inside, listening to pained groans and moans from the woman on the table. She squirmed against the confines of the lab coat and sweater tied to her wrists. Bucky moved his hips slowly, relishing in the pleasure of her cunt. “D-doctor..”, she groans out, breathly. The pleasure shot up her body, her eyes rolling back. Bucky pants to himself, eyes slightly crossing, loving the tightness and warmth.

He already felt like he was about to cum. Her pussy felt fucking amazing. The sticky, warm mess was more perfect then he could ever imagine. He looked down at her face, smiling as she was looking away with tears in her eyes and redness all over her face. He groans and wraps a gentle hand around her throat, so as not to scare the hell out of her. He turned her head back towards him, moving a bit faster.

Her hands grab onto his arm, whimpering and drooling. “D-dr. Barnes… Please… Please harder..”, She begged, getting redder with every word she said. He groans and stalls his hips, picking her up and fucking her into a wall. She cried out, scratching at his shoulders. “Bucky!”. She started to push on his chest, the pleasure became too much, but he didn’t stall. He holds her arms against the wall and pounds her little pussy, making it sticky and creamy. Her arousal drips down his cock and her legs, onto the floor.

He groans and pulls out, only to slam back into her. “Ah! F-feeling weird? L-lots of pressure”, tears run down her face. He smiles and decides to move slower. He makes sure that she could feel every inch and every fucking vein in his cock. He pushes her face into the wall as she started to fight back against the overwhelming feeling in her lower parts. She claws at his hand, shaking under him. She feels warm wetness run down her thighs and an overwhelming pleasure. Bucky kept going, chasing his orgasm. She pants, letting out little whines, being completely out of it. He kept going before pulling out of her and cums on his stomach and pussy. He coats his perfect body in his thick, white ropes. She looks at him with wide eyes, still trembling in his hands.

He gently put her down and helps her get cleaned up. She sits on the table, still tearful from being sore and confused. Bucky writes an address down on a piece of paper and gives it to her. “If you ever feel like that again, come to this address anytime… I’ll take care of you”, He pats her thighs, putting the crumbled piece of paper in his hands, smiling. He helps her out of the clinic and goes back to his office, satisfied. He is sure that she will be coming back to her every single fucking day.