#because everything is flaring up and i am big sad

[darkshrimpemotions]

And another thing! If you have any issues that make it hard to get out of bed--depression, chronic pain, anything--one of the nicest things you can do for yourself when you're feeling okay is start to keep a bottle of water and some kind of non-perishable easy-to-consume snack by your bed for that day when you wake up and can't move. You don't deserve hunger pangs and headaches! You do deserve to be fed and hydrated!

And if you've dealt with these issues for years this is old news to you, but it bears repeating for anyone newly dealing with these issues. Because it took me so long. SO LONG. To stop expecting to care for myself exactly the way I did before I was sick. And to stop shaming and punishing and needlessly hurting myself for it.

[foxboidrew]

Touch Starvation

Eclipse huffed as he stared at the three daycare attendants standing around the chair he was tied in. He had intended to just teleport in and quickly get out, but he was quickly met with guns pointed at him by the computer, a forcefield, and Monty grabbing him. "So what? You think tying me to a chair will stop me?" He knew he was defenseless. Moon took the Star.

"And you think we can't either?" Moon smirked with a bit of bite to his words. "We have the Star, so you can't teleport out of this situation."

"I'll find a way. When I get out of this I'll-" Eclipse started only to get interrupted by Sun.

"You'll do what? Mildly inconvenience us again? Erase everyone's memories again? What good will it do you if we can fight back?" Sun growled. He was tense, but quickly relaxed as he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder as Earth lightly rubbed her thumb to try and calm him.

Eclipse went quiet. What was he to say? Sun was right, yet he refused to believe it. Because he's a villain! Everyone hates him! Yet why did he not feel entirely... Unsafe. Was it Earth maybe? He figured it could be, but the last they talked, he insulted her.

"Well you have me now, so what the hell are you going to do to me? Hm? Torture me? Because if that's the case then fine! I'm too tired for this anyways." He growled, though a bit quietly.

Earth sighed as she sat to Eclipse's height. "I'm willing to give you a second chance."

"Oh please. You really think I'll believe that after our last conversation?"

"I like to think you will..." She added, her voice soothe.

"...Fine. What do you want me to do then, hm? Apologize? Because that's not happening."

Sun crossed his arms, huffing as he rolled his eyes. Even Moon seemed interested in what both Earth and Eclipse had to say. "Can I just go clean... Or something? I don't want to be here with him."

Moon looked over and took note of Sun's clear discomfort. "If you need to step out, then do what's best for you. If something goes astray I or the Computer will alert you."

Sun simply nodded as he shakily made his way out of his and Moon's commons.

Eclipse simply watched as he turned his attention to Moon. "You're staying...?" He seemed startled at his own confusion. What the hell was he saying?! He didn't need anybody!

"I'm not leaving Earth by herself with you of all people."

Earth smiled "I appreciate that, but I'm fully capable of handling myself." She lightly stated.

"Oh I know, but I still want you to be safe." Moon smiled, making Earth grin back.

"God help me..." Eclipse mumbled. But soon sighed without thinking. This wasn't a normal sigh, however... No, this was a sigh of jealousy and sadness. The last time he ever had someone smile towards him was... Lunar.

"Feeling left out big guy?" Moon teased, making Eclipse flinch.

"May I interject?" Zero asked suddenly.

"Uh, sure? Is everything okay?" Moon looked towards the intercom.

"I am detecting high levels of stress from Eclipse. He seems as if in distress. Though he is not showing it." Zero pointed out.

"Detecting feelings of guilt, pain, and lonelyness as well." One commented as well.

Both Moon and Earth turned towards Eclipse, who wasn't struggling anymore. Didn't move, nor say a word. He just stared at the floor... Shaking... Was...

Was Eclipse crying?

Eclipse was crying!

Moon sat there now shocked. Eclipse of all people was crying? Earth picked up on Moon's stunned state as well.

"It's very natural to cry in a situation like this… Especially after all that was told to us."

"Why should we feel sympathy after everything he's done to us?! To Sun! To Lunar! This man has been nothing but evil from when I woke up!"

"You really think I can't feel?" Eclipse suddenly started, making Moon jump. "You think I don't feel regret?! I have been antagonized about my feelings by that stupid Solar Flare for months! And you know what?! He's right! I have been lonely! I have been feeling guilt! I only killed Lunar to get at you two, but I realize that I lost my only friend."

Moon couldn't help but grow just a bit angry, but he decided to say nothing as Sun came back.

"I heard yelling, is everything… okay?" Sun stopped in his tracks as he saw Eclipse panting and oil leaking from his eyes.

"I… I'm in so much pain, so tired. I have the power of Gods and yet I don't know what to do with it."

Pain? Were Sun and Moon right? Was the star actually killing Eclipse? So he did care after all… he just refused to acknowledge it around the others.

"Oh you poor thing…" Earth sniffled. She knew she didn't have to cry, yet she couldn't help but feel the genuine pain in Eclipse's words.

"Earth…?" Sun called to her softly.

"I'm alright…" she smiled to Sun, "I just feel that he's being honest."

"I get that you don't like me. I'm not asking you to. Hell you don't even have to forgive me because I know you won't. Just. Let me leave. That's all I ask."

"And have you go back to whatever you were doing?! No!" Sun yelled.

Eclipse sighed. Of course it wouldn't be that easy. So what did he- huh?

Eclipse sat stunned as a feeling of warmth flooded his sensors. Earth… was hugging him. Why was she…? After everything he said to her?! Tears started up again in his shocked state. He hadn't let anyone hug him, let alone touch him in… so long. He never wanted Lunar's hugs.

Lunar… he had been so cruel to him. He abused him so much. And for what? Because he was simply just nice to him? And yet the little one had still loved him after everything… but he lost that. Eclipse saw that. And in the end he only killed him out of an act of what? Revenge? Jealousy?

Oops he sat there too long.

"Uh- Eclipse?" Sun started, "Hello?" He waved a hand in Eclipse's face making the latter blink and recoil.

"Get away from me-!" Eclipse cried.

Sun put his hands up in surrender and backed up. "Okay, okay-!"

"He's scared." Earth pulled away from the hug, much to Eclipse's dismay.

"What?" Both Sun and Moon questioned.

"He's scared… He's injured and afraid."

"I'm not injured…"

"Not just your Core… but your heart. Your heart is heavy."

Eclipse said nothing.

"I'm untying him… We need to get him fixed."

"Wait what?! Earth you aren't implying we keep him here! Are you? After everything?!" Sun tried to stop Earth from breaking the bounds.

"I believe he's not going to fight, Sun. I don't think he has it in him right now…" Earth and Sun looked towards the one in question.

Eclipse sat there panting, trying to hunch over, still crying, but less than before. He seemed tired.

"I mean he has been stating that he's been exhausted… Computer scan Eclipse for the damage."

"Scanning." One starts.

"Damage level to his body and core are dangerously high and could shatter if he continues to use the Star." Zero finishes.

"Thank you." Moon hummed and turned to Earth and Sun. "I'm going to hide the Star away. You two untie him and make sure he doesn't move too fast. I need to grab a few tools."

"You can't just-!"

"Sun, trust me on this."

"...Alright. I will."

Moon left and both celestial animatronics got to work on the binds. As soon As Eclipse was free, he immediately curled into a fetal position on the chair, gripping at his chest cavity.

Earth gently scooped up Eclipse, oddly making him yelp, yet he didn't fight it. Instead, he curled into her for warmth. He clinged to her, sniffling softly as she sat on Sun's couch and started gently rocking back and forth. So this was her motherly side Eclipse always heard about.

Sun watched carefully, making sure Eclipse didn't try anything funny. Though to his surprise, Eclipse just fell asleep in Earth's arms. And soon all he could see was just an emotionally damaged child.

A child in need of help…

A child in need of love…

Sun sighed as he joined Earth on the couch, though he distanced himself the best he could from Eclipse. While he saw how damaged he was, Sun still could feel hatred in his own heart. This was still the source of all his problems after all…

But…

Maybe Eclipse could change? He guessed only time could tell…

[End]

[eerna]

So was it any good? tbosas I mean

Well,,,,,,,,, kind of? I had fun, but also went in knowing they won't pay attention to what I loved about the book so my expectations were properly low. TBOSAS is my fav THG book so a different adaptation exists in my head

Non-spoilery: The movie is divided in parts like the book, but there is no rhyme or reason why, no dramatic breaks or changes like in the books. The Reaping isn't on July 4th because of course. Tom Blyth as Coriolanus was a surprise because I expected nothing from him other than looking sort of like old Snow. The movie naturally removed any and all nuance from his character and kept spelling out everything, but there were a few scenes where they let him yknow, act out how his character is supposed to feel, and it was really good! Rachel Zegler as Lucy Gray was more of a mixed bag - sometimes she was fantastic in selling the over-the-top dramatic flare, but other times (especially towards the beginning) it was just weird. I firmly believe this is because the movie didn't fully commit to Lucy Gray as a charming crowd director who keeps her heart hidden and instead made her a more honestly vulnerable girl. She dazzled in musical numbers, though, that girl is a performer through and through! Viola Davis was bad I am so sorry but I felt like I was watching a Disney Channel performance and it's entirely the movie's fault and not hers. Peter Dinklage was super good as Dean Highbottom, he makes him all sad and lost without being over-the-top. The rest of the cast was also good. I loved the sets and the costumes, very in-line with what I'd imagined. The night/dark scenes were so dark that subtitles felt like they were burning into my eyes, it was the absolute worst quality dark scenes I've ever seen in a big movie.

Spoilery:

They removed Coriolanus' obsessive love for Lucy Gray and turned it sooo muted :(((( He didn't even want to kiss her before the Games! He didn't try to control her or feel jealousy or ANYTHING that could imply he might turn on her one day!! His emotional changes and impatience and politeness and selfish kindness are also all gone now. Sejanus and he aren't nearly as close as in the book, but there was this funny moment where the two of them had a more intense forehead touch moment than any Coriolanus shared with Lucy Gray and it made me chuckle. Tigris and Coriolanus were very very well done, I loved how she was always his first bestie!!! But I am sort of annoyed they turned it from "Tigris puts Coriolanus down for the way he treats others" to "Tigris is scared Coriolanus will become his dad". Lucy Gray's Reaping was absolutely horrible, she threw a singing fit instead of being a confident performer, so it makes no sense that she just flips a switch into untouchable after. Loved the snake charmer climax where everyone stands up for Lucy Gray and proves that Capitol needs a victor! It worked better for the movie than the book version, and the way the music exists as a meta instrumental scene where the score eventually catches up to her singing - THAT is how ALL her songs should have been treated!!! The way music worked was one of my biggest issues, sometimes they were totally off tonally from what their role was in the books (The Ballad of Lucy Gray Baird this is about YOU Maiah Wynne's version makes me sob to this day while the movie version is only saved by Rachel's passion) and only the snake song was properly utilized as a plot point. They were such good opportunities for exposition that is more subtle than just putting whatever is Coriolanus feeling in clunky dialogue. And the clunky dialogue WAS constantly used to make up for the amount of internal monologues, even if it made zero sense -at the end they literally had Lucy Gray say "Haha if you destroyed the guns and killed me you could go to District 2 no sweat hahahaha anyway I'll go get some potatoes bye" like what. In what world would she literally tell him that. She is supposed to be a smart survivor. They also put "it's things we love most" quote as the final line in the movie, and I can't describe what a stupid choice that was, because if it wasn't there the movie would go "Highbottom tells Coriolanus he won't be able to forget Lucy Gray-> Coriolanus' proud exit where he believes to be the victor as snow falls down -> Can't Catch Me Now end credits including the snow motif", which would have been SO much stronger since that song delivers the "Lucy Gray eventually caught up to Coriolanus" message and we don't get it spelled out like we're 5 years old. It's not the only part of the movie where references to the OG stick out like a sore thumb, and I am once again asking Why. Why don't you think your audience is smart enough to understand.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

When the juice hits you I would LOVE more Jameson and Vincent at Nat’s house content! I love them so much :,)

CW: Chronic pain, discussion of stalking and attempted murder, mentions of dead people, everyone is in a bad mood hooray

-

"Go back to fucking bed." Jameson grunts the words more than speaks them, squinting down into a coffee mug while rubbing one hand over his throbbing left knee. Not that the right one doesn't hurt, too. But he picks one and sticks with it until the pain pills kick in and he can fucking stand up again. "It's five in the fucking morning."

"Yeah, and I've been up since four, so... Don't know what you want from me." Vincent Shield doesn't look like a movie star these days. Just like Kauri's shaggy older brother who needs a haircut and a three-week nap. His bruising is all gone, everywhere but the look in his blue eyes.

All the wounds are there, now.

Jameson watches him pour himself a cup of coffee. In just a hoodie and jeans, you'd never recognize him when compared with the heroes he plays on big screens. Or used to.

"I want you to fuck off," Jameson replies, but there's no real anger in his rasping voice. Vince just smiles at him. Jameson finds himself cataloging the differences between he and Kauri, the biggest being the way Kauri smiles like he could fix everything if he just burned bright enough. Vince smiles, when he isn't posing for photos, like everything will shatter if anyone sees it.

"Landlady seems to like me, so I guess you're out of luck." Vince adds sugar and milk, too much of both. Pauses. Stares down into his mug. "I used to add Irish cream and some whiskey into my coffee every day when I wasn't working. Sometimes when I was. Probably... Probably a lot of the time when I was."

"Huh." Jameson digs his thumb into a spot on his knee. It flares bright with pain, so stark he nearly bites his tongue against a scream. Then something feels like it gives way, and the pain drops from a roar to a more manageable hum. "You're a sad drunk, too."

Vince actually laughs at that. "I really am, aren't I?"

"Based on how much of a sad fuck you are sober, I can only figure it gets worse when you're not."

Vince sits down across from him at the table, watching him. He doesn't even look mad, or hurt. Just... tired. "You think I'm an ungrateful asshole, huh?"

Jameson, still rubbing at his leg, pauses and looks up. "What?"

"Because I'm rich. Millionaire movie star in his giant house sitting around drinking himself to death on two-hundred dollar whiskey. People tell me they love me everywhere I go, if I let them know who I am. People write me letters. I had a stalker, for a while." He runs fingers back through his hair, growing out a little. Looks more like Kauri's now. "I wonder if that was just Owen, too."

"Maybe. To the stalker thing, not the rest of that bullshit." Jameson's fingers ache, trying to stay bent and curled, and he has to fight to straighten them enough to count off as he speaks. "Millionaire movie star whose only friend is a woman he writes fucking checks to, giant house you sit around in alone, two hundred dollar whiskey you don't even share with anybody but your fucked up liver, nobody who says they love you even fucking knows you, those letters are creepy as hell, and having a stalker isn't a fucking good thing, dumbass."

Vince snorts, but a smile plays around his lips. "Owen said he loved me."

"I'm so fucking sick of that asshole. He's dead and still the center of half your conversations. He didn't know you, either."

"We'd been friends since we were kids-"

Jameson is in too much pain to deal with Vincent being a mopey little shit. He hurts in places that don't even have nerve endings. His bones fucking throb. The pills aren't kicking in yet, or maybe he needs to take more. Maybe they don't work anymore. Either way, he groans and leans back in his chair. "Will you just fucking stop? The taste of your voice is making me want to throw up lately you talk so much."

Vince pauses. "The... what of my what now-"

"I don't give a fuck about Owen goddamn Grant and you shouldn't either. You're too old keep that shit up."

Vince takes a long drink of coffee, then makes a face when it scalds his tongue. Jameson tries not to smile. "I-... I just, my whole adult life I've been trying to get away from him-"

"Yeah, and you did. You got. You got about as far away from someone as you can get. Dead men don't come back and they can't hurt you again."

It hurts. Everything hurts. His heart joins the party, twisting hard inside his chest. Grief feels worse than any of the other pains. Ghosts that find him in his sleep, whispering accusations or endearments, shoving him away or holding him close. But gone when he wakes up.

Always gone.

"Jameson-"

"Dead men don't come back," Jameson repeats, more firmly. "You slit his throat-"

Vince flinches.

"-and saved someone from him. Probably a lot of someones. Guys like that don't stop at the first dead body. Bunch of dead hot guys with black hair and blue eyes, after a while, probably. He had the look."

"The... look?"

"In his eyes. Somebody figuring out they liked the idea of being the last thing someone was afraid of. Would've been Kauri, and then you, and then that wouldn't fix it and he'd keep trying. Keep finding men like you. Keep killing them and then realizing he had to try again, because nobody would ever be enough. There aren't ever enough dead bodies for somebody like that. They run out of places to hide them."

Vince has slipped into silence, watching Jameson talk with a look of faint surprise. And concern, which pisses Jameson off.

"Don't look at me like that."

"I kept a knife in my bed," Vince says slowly. "Everywhere I went. Even hotels, even in my trailer on set. I always had a knife. Just in case. And I-... I still have one. Upstairs, between the mattress and box springs. Is that weird?"

Jameson shrugs. "No. Maybe for other people. But not for people like us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, numbnuts. Us. People who fucking killed someone just to not die." Jameson fixes him with a glare, then grabs at his crutches to pull himself to his feet. Once his arms are braced for support, he sighs. It takes the work away from his knees, and they seem to soothe a little.

Or maybe that's just the pills.

Finally.

"Listen, Shield. Save your unburdening of the soul shit for therapy, okay? I got my own problems. And I can't help you with yours. Mine wake me up at night."

Vince looks up at him, head tipped to one side. "Yeah. Mine do, too. I wake up wanting a drink so goddamn badly I can barely breathe. I used to drink until I fell back asleep. Now I just... lay there until I give up and get coffee."

"Yeah. I wake up wanting, too."

Jameson wakes up burning for Nanda to lay a hand on his back and whisper in his ear. He wakes up praying that next time the ghosts will find someone else to haunt. He can't be the only one. He wakes up trying not to cry from the pain. And he hears Vince pacing down the hall every single fucking time.

"It gets better, though, right? The... craving, and just... If I could just have the one thing... That gets better?"

"Fuck if I know." Jameson turns away, jaw set as he works to get to the living room. He can't do the stairs, not yet. His body needs to remember how to cooperate first. Weird how it's gotten worse the longer he hasn't been terrified of being caught again. Therapist says he feels safe, and so his body feels safe to show everything because he doesn't have to fight so hard to survive.

She's probably right.

Jameson pauses, then looks over his shoulder. "Look. Sorry. I feel like shit today."

"Yeah." Vince runs a finger around the edge of the mug sitting in front of him. "Me, too."

"Just. Okay. Listen. Some days, I don't think about him at all, yeah? And that didn't used to happen. So... I guess it gets better."

Until he feels so goddamn guilty for forgetting that it feels even worse. He turns away so Vince won't see the pain on his face.

"Also, I really don't care that you're a millionaire or whatever the fuck. Nanda was a millionaire, too, and it didn't save him. Him being rich didn't save me, either. Just made it worse when I didn't have him anymore."

"... Jameson-"

"Never mind. Just fuck off until I'm too high to be mad at you, okay?"

He collapses onto the couch, closing his eyes and drifting on a sea of pain. There's one more pill in his pocket. He digs it out and swallows it dry.

Please, please, please stop hurting. Inside or out. He doesn't care which. But he can't keep this up if it's both.

[1hellofacookie]

this has nothing to do with my art but bare with me

[ This is a ramble about my mental health and how much better it has recently gotten. ]

so, I think I've finally made it through my depression? Like. The past two months were the the happiest of my life, I've never felt better. And it made me realise a lot of things.

What makes me think that I've put my depression behind me is the fact that I'm no longer seeing the world filtered though that cloud of... sad. The cloud of sad that while you're depressed you don't even know doesn't exist for others. At least that's what's the case for me. I thought everyone is able to feel this shit and others just feel a little less shit.

While talking to my friend about this I came up with an analogy; it feels like you've been wearing a backpack all your life thats filled to the brim with the heaviest of rocks and you go about life believing that others just have less rocks in their backpacks and your challenge is to find a way to carry it better or get rid of some rocks. Only for you to find out that the others don't even carry a backpack at all.

I'm only 18 and I've been struggling with depression for the past few years. I can't pinpoint since when exactly, but I just know that it's incredibly hard to remember a time without it. Which makes sense, I barely remember anything about my childhood, especially not my feelings, and my teenage years were consumed by the big sad. So I have absolutely no frame of reference what life without that numbness feels like.

Meaning, everything I experience right now is so new. I did not know life could feel like this. It makes sense now that people say all those clichés to people who struggle with depression. They can't imagine what it's like. It's not the same scale you're on.

I finally get to hope. I wake up and am excited for the day, I experience bad things and get to just shrug them off, knowing that it'll get better. Things will happen in my future and I'm not happy about them but I get to go "huh yeah that will suck. It'll be fine tho. Let's see how I get through that" , and my brain thinks that automatically.

I was so weirded out when I caught myself thinking that way. It's entirely unfamiliar to me.

I get to be so. damn. happy. I'm so new to all of this. I've never felt this way before.

I get to experience negative emotions entirely different as well. They don't hit nearly the same way they did before. It's not that they don't cut deep, it's not that I don't feel them because I certainly do. But they feel different. Easier to touch, easier to handle, not as devastating, as crushing. I'm looking at everything from a very different perspective.

Looking at everything like this it makes so much sense that people, like, live. Of course you get up every day because yes, it's so worth it. I see that now too. I'm so sorry that I didn't before.

My final year of school has just started and I've been so scared of everything that comes with it the past few years. But I feel ready to take on the challenge, and it's a feeling I cannot even describe. I cannot yet grasp that I'm even feeling that. But I'm so grateful that I get to experience it. All of this.

Everything still feels a little like I've been thrown into cold water every now and then because of the novelty, because for the first time I actually get to be human, get to live. And that right when life is supposed to start with all the other new firsts. I do mourn the fact that I didn't get to live all my life like this a little but I also find a surprising amount of compassion within myself for past little me.

I still haven't found the words to describe all this properly but that won't stop me from trying, so prepare for maybe a couple more posts like this one (though hopefully not that long).

I really, really hope that the big sad does actually leave me alone for now. It's not entirely gone, it's still flaring up every now and then, but not nearly as severely as before, and I'm more than fine if it stays this way.

This post got so much longer than I expected it to, I am so sorry. But there were some anons a long time ago (I think is actually been two years already) that told me they wish for a time where I'm not hurting anymore. And if they're still here and following me, I just want them to know that that time's here now. I've stopped hurting. I'm finally healing, properly.

If you did actually read the whole post, thank you, I love you <3

[xfindingtrouble]

thinkg abt percy vs his guilt surrounding leaving cassandra behind.

leaving cassandra was an act of survival. an arrow through her chest is enough to convince him she's dead & even if he stopped to check he would have been caught. he tells himself for years that's what he had to do, that cassandra was dead & that he couldn't have helped her even if he tried. so finding out that she is alive & has been that whole time of course makes him reassess everything that he thinks is real.

of course, we know that when vm found him in that cell in stilben, he was convinced that it was some sort of hallucination. that all of his adventures were the final whimsy of a dying man. i think finding cassandra is alive is one of the first times he thinks his reality may be tangible? he's not convinced entirely, because regardless of any complications she's still alive. it can't be a fantasy if she's calling herself a briarwood, you know? and reconnecting with this moment of fear that is beyond the anger, deeper than the anger but still deeply intertwined with it as well. it's all tangled up in a messy ball in his chest.

but anyways this has me thinking about percy & cass getting to know one another again when the dust settles. when they have whitestone back & they have autonomy over their home, there is still this period where they have to relearn everything about one another. to percy, it's uncomfortable for a number of reasons. being known beyond his anger & a bit of insanity is always something uncomfortable, but knowing someone that is a piece of him is just beyond anything he'd ever thought he would experience again.

i have full faith that percy did not intend to survive avenging the de rolos but cassandra gives him reason. he was beginning to find reason in vm, of course, but it's different & scary. percy has to face head on who he had a hand in making. there is such a sadness in cassandra's eyes that wasn't there before but it's also common ground for them.

but common ground isn't enough to heal overnight! familiarality is not trust! percy almost lost his mind to a demon, cassandra almost killed percy under sylas' charm, there is damage done here that is so much bigger than a few shared sentiments. they both want that relationship to flourish, they both want to know their sibling & who they've become but there is so much more folded into that desire that the task seems immeasurable.

he feels guilty. for a while, when anyone brings up his hand in saving whitestone i think that guilt flares. because he left!!! he left them!!! he left her!!!! he is not a savior. he is not a big brother. he is a coward & a killer. he doesn't want cassandra to know him as such & yet she has seen it right before her eyes. knowing him beyond that seems impossible & yet their destinies will never separate.

i think this is partially why percy is so avoidant? he wants to protect cassandra, he wants to be there for her but does not feel like he's the best option. it's also worth noting that he gets so wrapped up in his own journey that he often loses sight of hers but that is a conversation for another day. idk i am just thinking about the complications of leaving your younger sibling behind to survive & relearning the person they are afterwards.

[scribeforchrist-blog]

The Mighty Weapon Of Prayer

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ John 6:43 Jesus answered them, “Do not grumble among yourselves

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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+ Ephesians 6:18 Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,

=========================

** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM PRAYERFUL

I AM WATCHFUL

I AM MIGHTY

I AM LOVING

********************************

THOUGHTS:

=======================

In order to understand one of our weapons in our arsenal, we must learn how to use it. alot of us say we can pray, but we dont understand how powerful this tool can be and that we can do it any time in our head, out loud, in tongues, quietly, but however you do it, you need to make sure that you do this a lot of us dont understand how not praying can play a big part into what we are dealing with and a lot of us dont wont to do it because we feel that it is in the way , and it will take up to much time It is not; actually, praying can activate many spiritual benefits in our lives that we will never unlock until we pray...

 “Colossians 4:2 Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.”

The first thing prayer helps do for us is keep us steadfast and watchful, and it helps us to be thankful for a lot . I know what you are thinking: how does prayer help keep us watchful? When we pray, God shows us what is happening around us and what will happen in the future; if we pray and our heart is in the right place, he will show us the enemy, which will make us watchful of his schemes and traps when we dont pray we fall easily into it, it happens so fast we will wonder what is happening, but as long as we pray we are keeping our mind focus on God, he will show us everything we need to know.

   1 Thessanlionsa 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

  Another thing prayer does for us is it helps us to stay thankful in all circumstances. Life can bring so much to us at one time, and sometimes it seems bad things are a revolving door, and it's constant, and it makes us feel sad and depressed, and those of you who have anxiety issues, it makes them flare up even more, but when we pray, and we give it all to God, the word says today to give thanks in all circumstances; when we do this, we become grateful, and it also tells us the will of God, a lot of times we think we have done something wrong or that maybe he doesn't love us, BUT SOME things are brought to us to help us to pray to draw near to him, maybe we have lacked so much in our spiritual life that we are weak spiritually, and God knows what will bring us to him to release thanksgiving and praise , it tells us in the word that the only way to enter into his courts with praise, we must continually praise him through whatever because we never know what God has planned for us,

  When we pray, we also need to ask God's forgiveness so that he can help us turn from our ways; we can't fix lustful thoughts, prideful thoughts, gluttony, malice, and bitterness, but when we pray, it breaks the chains that the enemy has place on us to bound us! Prayer can set us free from depression and any other unseen spirit that is trying to attach itself to us; when we pray, we are telling the enemy that even though you tried to keep me, God is going to free me, even though you tried to break me God is going to mold me, even though you tried to discourage me, God is for me !!

  “2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”

  We can’t allow the enemy to block our prayer life; we can't allow the spirit of the python to squeeze our spiritual life; we have to rebuke the spirit of prayerless and ask God to walk with us; we have to shake off that spirit of laziness and say I am going to rise and pray, I am going to rise and shout for the joy you can't have my praise nor my prayer life because the moment we allow sleepiness and prayless to take over we are giving all victory to satan, God gave us a powerful, way to talk to him all the time BUT it's up to us to do it.

  ***Today, we can pretend like we like what we are seeing in this world and our lives, or we can do what we know how to do, which is to give God glory! Pray to him and tell him how we want him in our lives, tell him how much we need him to survive, pray to him and tell him how thankful you are! tell him how you stand for him and to show you how to pray to him and live out his will today, and he will show you! If you read your Bible you would see that Jesus prayed for any sickness and disease he didn’t hesitate. He knew what will unlock sickness and what would break yolks but it’s up to us to use the same methods he use, which was prayer ,let prayer break the chains of the enemy today, let prayer open up realms in the spirit for you today, pray and become MIGHTY IN GOD.©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father, thank you for today , lord we are so grateful for the gift of prayer , we thank you for the gift of being alive ! Lord we are so grateful and we are so thankful ! Lord we ask that you remove anything in our lives that is blocking us from moving lord we ask that you give us victory in our life and that you open doors that no man can shut , father ask that you fix our heart where we want to pray and we want to connect with you, lord we ask you that you change our attitude, change our motives , give us strength dear God to fight a good fight ! Lord we need you more now then ever , please don’t leave us in Jesus Name Amen

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REFERENCES

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Luke 18:1 And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart

+ Matthew 6:7 “And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words

+Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

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FURTHER READINGS

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Deuteronomy 11:1-12:32

Luke 8:22-39

Psalm 70:1-5

Proverbs 12:4

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https://linktr.ee/surrenderministry

[lyonfreddie]

prolonged wailing and gnashing of teeth under the cut!!!

let me just preface this by saying that i never get super personal on here anymore but i really just need to vent!!!!

i love my job mostly because i love my coworkers. i work in development/fundraising at a pretty big museum and our team of 5 is all a bunch of young professional women with Good Taste and Witty Banter. like we are all successionpilled. i would hate my job so much if i didn’t work with these people. last week, my favorite coworker announced she was moving to another city and got a job there to be with her long-distance fiancé (he got a tenure track job and obviously... cannot move lmao), and i was SO SAD because she is SO COOL and SO POISED and i want to be just like her, but i took comfort in the fact that we would still have 4/5 of our lovely team still together.

and then my boss pulls me aside first thing this morning and tells me SHE’S LEAVING TO LMFAO

like. i’m literally going to go insane. after march 16, our team of 5 will be a team of 3, and we won’t have either a leadership giving manager OR a membership manager. i print member cards and assemble renewal/new member packets once a week each week as my Big Project but before my boss leaves she’s going to teach me how to do pretty much everything she does that she hasn’t taught me yet. which is really, really nice of her, and also kind of a vote of confidence—i seriously doubt she would take another job if she wasn’t absolutely sure she was leaving her membership program in capable hands. 

my boss is the best boss i’ve ever had. she’s so organized and she knows everything about our museum’s institutional history because she was working there before it was even built. she has always given me clear instructions and honest feedback and she’s just so, so funny. she’s great. we’re practically the same person and have the same interests. and i still have so much left to learn from her. it almost feels unfair that she’s leaving, but i’m an actual adult now and i know this is the correct career move for her. she’s not even going that far. she’s going to work at another museum that is like 800 feet away from us.

but i’m still SO fucking sad. i’ve been crying on and off all day, including at work, where i had to hold it all in. the major gifts officer saw me at the printer and was like ‘you must be feeling sad, huh’ and all i could say was ‘yeah’ and she patted me on the back and i almost lost it in the middle of the office. like... GOD

it’s so embarrassing. i pride myself on being very cool and calm and collected, and the rest of my team always tells me it’s nice how i’m so calm all the time, especially when we’re running events. but i literally walked home today and then sat on the floor of my apartment and bawled for 5 straight minutes until i was out of breath. lol. i am going to be a wreck for every single bit of their farewells and it is not going to be pretty. i’m so sad. i’m so scared. what the fuck.

i’ve also just like... been On Edge for the past week or so in a way that hasn’t really manifested since grad school. my first semester of grad school was when i developed really bad anxiety that only manifested as physical symptoms—nausea, diarrhea, constipation, loss of appetite, insomnia, weird painful muscle cramps, etc. to the point where i literally thought i was on the verge of death! i’ve been reading a book about the salem witch trials and couldn’t help but notice that the “fits” described by the “afflicted” were weirdly similar to how my anxiety jumped out, save for, like, hallucinations. it’s a good book and i want to finish it but just thinking about the similarities almost gave me a panic attack one night... which is crazy. and then i woke up this morning and found out my stupid hemorrhoid is flaring up again. which, in retrospect, just seems like an omen. lmao.

if there is any silver lining to this at all, it’s that there is a possibility i may be promoted to membership manager. i’m currently at the coordinator level, but when my boss broke the news to me, she said that we’d be working with our external membership consultant (who i’ve met! she’s great.) to help keep renewal notices and regular mailings going out. presumable until i’m up to speed. i’ve been at this museum for over a year, and full-time for 7 months. they might wait a few months, until i get closer to a year as a FT employee. or they might just hire a new boss for me. i’m ok staying at the coordinator level for a little while longer; it’s nice not having to worry a TON about budgets and financial goals. but i could probably do it if pressed. and getting a big ass salary bump would be nice.

if you made it all the way to the end, thank you for being cringe with me 🤝 the reason this is here and not in my journal is because there was clearly too much to put into my journal without having my hand cramp up. i’ll be ok. i’ll get through this. but it’s gonna fucking suck 😭

[summer-in-florence]

Sapling

Lisieux (OC) Rated T By Summer in Florence

Two million lightyears after my escape, I gave birth to my six-thousandth child.

Sprouting strands of green decorate her small cranium, its size fitting on the size of my palm, and slightly smaller than the size of her father's. She sleeps on my bosom. Her tiny mouth latching upon the bare skin that feeds her, just like every other human child does. When I wake up in the night, the sight of her tethers me, and I would cradle her body in my arms while moving closer to her father's warmth at my side.

It took me five generations of offsprings to fill up the hole in my chest cavity. Even through the millions of lightyears that I had spent journeying across time, these very sense of parasitic loneliness kept me awake, yearning for something I failed to describe, and only did it grew the longer I tried to run away from it. It wasn't greed. It wasn't hunger, I was never famished. Yet I have not slept for so long that I began to suffocate on its gentle presence, seeping within my every waking thought. To the point that on the centre of my being crumbled an abyss so deep, death pooled there until it spreads.

My little child, Artemis, as I call this one, is a seed to empty soil.

She is a small tree, planted in the core of my gaping void. I smile if she cries, I kiss her fat when she tantrums. Sometimes I wonder about the grievances of such a tiny creature and the intensity of it, that she can't help but to wail and sob. I coo to her each time, taking her pain away; because I understand her, I understand how it feels to drown in sadness. And what torment it is to have to feel it without being able to say? Her being is so small, yet with a heart so big, tears never cease to overflow.

"There is a word from where I came from," I tell her father, "Aurteme, meaning sapling." One night, as she suckles to my human breast. Her father watches from across the room. He is occupied with his work.

He doesn't spare me more than a glance, no. But I can feel the underlying pride from his response, saying in his nonchalance, "is it the name you chose?" The sounds of his pen scribbling on paper echoing.

"You told me about your ancient goddess. I like the similarity between them, Artemis and Aurteme."

Her father hums. I miss his touch sometimes. Such a busy man, perfectly content in just watching. I smile at him.

Millions of lightyears removed from Ninthia, and all the sickness I carried with me throughout, finally I could feel no more of this remorse. They heal me, my small group of three. My own family, something which prior to this world were curious to me - and I did not understand, I couldn't. Lords in Ninthia took me as their Reverend Mother, yet I was merely a machine, a jewel mine for them to scavenge their needs and toss behind after. A Reverend Mother but never a family; and now I am simply a human's wife, a parent, an add to a pack that I was invited to live in. They make me radiate warmth.

Lucretius stands from his desk, the wood screeches as it meets the floor. He says to me, "she looks full already," beckoning to my child. "Don't push yourself."

He passes me to grab one of his books from the drawer. Something about his scent urges me to lay my head flat on his shoulder. I tuck my chest inside the robe he provided for me, holding Artemis closer as I absorb his presence.

"I don't really mind." There is an arm around my waist. He begins stroking, it bunches me with heat. My eyes try to catch his from below, but the awkwardness of this position prevents me from staring at his face full.

"You know you can't exert more than this."

I hum, mimicking the sounds that he made before. "But I want to," my sighs carry to his ear drums. "...It's us together, I want to give everything."

Lucretius pauses as I say it. I am just beginning to fear that I have said the wrong thing, but then he rests on my head, kissing the hair I grew there with so much breath flaring from his nose. Then he starts kissing me lower, and lower, until his lips find the salience on my cheek.

He whispers to me an 'okay' before coming back to his desk.

Artemis stirs awake, as if feeling the loss of her father's touch. Saliva stains on the side of her mouth and running down to her chin. I wipe it off. Her little hands beg for mine, and I give it to her, because what wouldn't I surrender for this sapling of mine.

A small tree born out of my womb, my soils. The pinch of her nose like the shapes of her father's, yet paired with my beady eyes, as Lucretius puts it.

Sometimes noticing the mixture of us in her brings me to tears, because I realised soon that this is how it should be. To be nurtured to fruition. I gave myself, and Lucretius, too. Then I delivered, something I was never privy of feeling back when I was just deemed as a machine - something taken from me, something I was told I was not made for.

Now with him, I am just a wife. Just a woman he mated with, and took the responsibility of caring for, and accepted the deeds that he's done. He sees me for all I am, and still treats me like I am more than just a mimicry, more than a machine. He doesn't cower when my past caught up to me, and he merely nods when I told him about the things that I am living with, I used to live with; the parasite, the journeys, the children. Humans are strange, I think. Their capabilities to tether themselves to what they think matters the most, eliminating what don't, and continuing to find good amidst all the rest, is astonishing. After all the weight I carried, he was quick to remove it from me.

'What has happened, happened,' Lucretius said, and I became what he saw in me. What he only saw. Removed, and reworked completely anew.

I see myself in his eyes and no longer sees the Reverend Mother; I peer into my child's giggles and laughter and no longer feel the pressure of gravity vying for me to return.

I feel belonged. And my body stops being aware of the pain that was supposed to be there; still, like a parasitic worm rotting inches of my insides. It takes me millions of lightyears as fugitive, and three thousand years as an apocalyptic wanderer, and six thousand children made from my body, and one sapling that grows from me, to be reborn. I look at them with warmth that I have never felt across the galaxies beyond, nor have I found it back in Ninthia. My chest cavity overflows as I gaze at my little sapling child, sleeping peacefully on it. No more of the pain, no more of the grieving.

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Monday

Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Pairing: SBI x sister!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: swearing, toxic friends, panic spirals/attacks, injury, taking pills for pain

Summary: you have a very bad week, how will you manage? (Characters are fully human, but based on their DSMP characters. High school AU)

Word count: 4,818

(A/N): I’ve never played volleyball or watched Haikyuu before, so I’m not 100% certain how games work. Also, I probs should’ve split this into two parts, but eh.

“(Y/n) love, you look homeless in that sweater, it’s literally so fucking ugly.”

“Haha, yeah it is. I guess I just wasn’t really trying today.”

Adrian snorted, scanning your body with his cold eyes. “Today? You don’t try at all. You always look like trash.”

“More than trash, you always look like you just rolled in dog shit.” Sammy threw her head back and cackled at her own joke.

Your friends around you erupted in laughter as you four walked down the hallways of the hell that was your public high school. You awkwardly chuckled alongside them, you didn’t really find it funny, but you didn’t want to draw more attention towards yourself. 

“Seriously, (y/n), I really don’t know why we still hang out around you anymore. You really let yourself go.”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, you did gain like five pounds in the past week.”

“Really not a good look on you, love. Then again, nothing you do can make you look good anymore.”

You tried to not let their comments get to you, you really did, but sometimes their comments just rooted themselves deep into your subconscious. You didn’t try looking good anymore, you couldn’t wear anything without them criticising it. You could never win. 

“Awe,” Adrien poked your cheeks, “stop looking so sad. We’re just trying to give you advice. You really need it.”

“Yeah, (y/n). You’re so sensitive, get a grip.”

“Guys look, I think she’s gonna cry!” 

You wiped at your welling eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. “I’m not. I just got allergies.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh. Anyways, what are our plans for Halloween? We should totally dress up like sexy angels! I think that’d be so cool. Like, Clint’s party won’t be ready for us.”

“Oh, about that Annie…”

“God, what now (y/n)?”

“I was actually planning on spending Halloween night taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating with my brothers and dad. I won’t be able to go with you guys, I’m sorry.”

The group groaned loudly. “C’mon (y/n), you never hang out with us anymore.”

“Oh my god (y/n) you still go trick-or-treating? We’re juniors.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy with my AP classes and studying for the SAT. My team captain’s really been pushing the team hard with volleyball practice. State finals are soon and we want first this year.”

“No matter how much studying you do, you’re gonna fail. You’re stupid, so why try? Just give up and hang out with uuussss.”

“Yeah (y/n),” Adrien looked at you suspiciously, “you’ve been ignoring us lately. I thought we were friends. Do you even wanna be friends anymore?”

You felt a flare of panic flare up in your gut. “I do! I-I just have so much going on right now. It’s starting to get hard to juggle everything.”

“We’re starting to think that you don’t like us anymore, we want our (y/n) back!” Sammy whined. The others agreed with her, making you feel guilty. You were ignoring them, it was selfish in your opinion. You supposed that you could skip out on taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating, there’ll be other years you could take them. 

“I guess I can take Tommy and Tubbo another year. They’d just have to go without me this year.”

They cheered, giving you praise. You beamed at that, they seemed down lately and you loved it when they’d give you compliments. They didn’t do that much, so that made their praise more special to you. You strived to get compliments.

You four went off to your separate first classes for the day. Yours was statistics, a class you’ve been struggling in lately. You didn’t know anybody in there except for your oldest brother Techno, so you tried to stick with him. Unfortunately, the teacher’s seating chart placed you both on opposite ends of the room, probably because of your last names indicating that you’re siblings. You placed your stuff down on the table and plopped down into your seat, already drained. You had a long day ahead of you; you had a major AP world history test in your next class, you had to give a presentation in your AP english class that was worth a quarter of your final grade, and you had a semifinals volleyball match that would last until late in the night. If your team won, you would be going to state finals, so it was a lot of pressure on your shoulders. You were the main setter, so you had to really focus tonight if you were going to score your team points. 

“Alright class, pull out your homework!”

Fuck, you had homework? You looked in your folder, only to see the unfinished sheet full of equations you didn’t understand staring back at you tauntingly. Mr. Mullins walked over to your desk, took one look at your blank homework, and just walked right past you. Another big fat zero in the gradebook for you, just what you needed. At least he wasn’t in the mood to berate you today. You didn’t need any more stress piled onto your shoulders. 

The lesson felt like it dragged on forever with you frantically trying to copy down the notes on the board and trying to understand the content at the same time. Overtime, he would call students up to the board. Hopefully, he would skip over you today. “Ms. Minecraft.” Goddamn it, you spoke too soon.

Your head perked up and you looked at him. “Yes sir?”

“Come up to the board and solve this.”

Gulping, you felt panic rise up in you and stood up with shaky knees. On the board was part of the newer content he was just teaching. Something that you understood only a little bit better than the rest, and that’s not saying much. You still didn’t understand the content completely. Your writing was shaky as you wrote what you thought was right on the board. Finding the answer, you circled it and looked at Mr. Mullins. He looked disappointed. 

“That’s wrong, Ms. Minecraft. Please sit down.”

You felt like your face was on fire as you saw the entire class burning holes into you with their eyes. Though they looked dead inside, as per usual with any morning class full of tired teenagers, their effects still took hold on you. You wanted to crawl into a dark hole and die. You sat back down and stared at your note packet, you couldn’t focus on the lecture anymore. Your attention was fully on your surroundings, you were hyper aware of every little whisper and bouncing leg in your peripheral vision. You could feel yourself spiraling, usually that wouldn’t happen until after your third class. Today was going to be rough. 

The loud chime of the bell startled you out of your thoughts. You shakily put your papers back into your binder and put the binder back into your backpack. Right as you were about to walk through the door, you heard Techno catch up to you. “Hey, you good?”

“Yeah Tech, I’m just peachy.”

“Are you su-”

“Technoblade. I’m fine. Now if you excuse me, I have to get to my next class. I have an important presentation I’ve gotta prepare for.”

Without giving him any room to argue, you rushed off to your english class. You had Adrian and Annie in your class. For your presentation, you were paired up with people that you hardly knew. At least they did their part in the project, you were certain you were going to die if you got paired up with Adrian and Annie again. You loved them, but they never did any part of their portion of work. They left it to you to finish at midnight the day the project was due. To be fair, they both told you they had family emergencies, so you covered for them just that once. 

You pulled out your flashcards only to have them knocked out of your hand when someone bumped into you. You quickly crouched to pick them up so you could have them in order by time class started. “Oops, sorry love.”

It was Annie. She and Adrian towered over your crouched form smirking at you. Looking back down to rearrange your cards, you murmured “it’s ok.”

“Are you ready for this presentation, I know I am.”

You smiled a little. “Actually, I think I’m going to ace this. English is my best subject.”

“Yeah (y/n), I wasn’t asking you. I was talking to Annie. Besides, you’re probably going to fail this.” Adrian scoffed. 

“Thank you for asking, Adrian,” Annie shot a pointed look at you, “at least someone cares.”

The bell rang, signifying the start of your second block. You felt like you had a lump in your throat blocking your breathing. If Adrian, one of the smartest kids in your english class, said that you were going to fail, then you probably were going to fail. That would take a huge hit on your grade, this project was worth a quarter of your final grade after all. You were zoned out for the entirety of your classmate’s presentations putting yourself into a spiral. You jumped when Mr. Todd, your teacher, called your group up to present.

You stood stiffly in the middle of your two groupmates and clutched your flashcards with clammy hands. Luckily, your part of the presentation was not first. When it came to your part, you were stuttering and tumbling over your words. You even dropped your flashcards in front of everybody, causing half the class to snicker. Your face burned as you hurried to pick them up and your other groupmate took this as a signal to continue the presentation. You still had an important point to make that was integral for the set up to your other groupmate’s part of her presentation. You stared at your flashcards for the rest of the presentation. 

When the bell rang, you made a mad dash out of the classroom. You didn’t want to talk to anybody, especially not Adrian or Annie. It was a relief that you had your lunch period at the moment. You could hide yourself in the bathroom nobody used and let your panic attack ride itself out. 

You ducked inside a stall and sat on the toilet, bringing your knees up to bury your face in them. The tears and panic you were holding in all day let itself out with explosive effects. You started to hyperventilate as you muffled your sobs with your knee. Your chest painfully clenched so you couldn’t breathe. Your limbs felt like they weighed two tons each and they were shaking intensely. You didn’t hear the end of the lunch bell ring. By the time you calmed down slightly, you were five minutes late to AP world history. 

You packed your stuff up in a hurry, power walking through the halls. You probably looked like shit, but you didn’t care, you had a class to get to and a test that you probably wouldn’t be able to finish now. You lost ten minutes of your test time. When you tried to open the closed door, you found that it was locked. You had to knock if you wanted to get in. You raised a shaking hand to knock, but the door was opened by a less-than-impressed Ms. Osborne. She ushered you to your desk and gave you your unit test. 

You couldn’t focus. The multiple choice section was usually a breeze to you, but you couldn’t comprehend any of the questions. When you could comprehend them, you couldn’t concentrate on choosing an answer. You did your best to find the correct answers, but you were almost positive that at least half of them were wrong. Your handwriting was nearly incomprehensible and your essay topic was something you didn’t study for. When you were done with half of the body paragraphs, the bell rang and you had to turn in your unfinished test. 

You had your independent online psychology course next in the library. You usually worked alone secluded in a corner deep inside the library where nobody went. You would get some solace in being alone. Maybe you’d calm down enough so that you could ride home with your brothers and not go for a long walk so you could avoid them. 

You settled down in the comfortable chair and pulled out your laptop to get started. Psychology was your favorite class. It was easy for you to understand, it didn’t have much of a workload attached to it, and it was fun to learn about. It always calmed you down reading about the intricate workings of the brain. 

By time the day was over, you got most of your psychology work done and you were on your way to the car you shared with Technoblade and Wilbur. You took out your spare keys and slumped against the window in the backseat. You were absolutely drained after your terrible day and you still felt panic swirling deep within you, waiting for the right moment to strike. 

You stretched out your legs across the seat and leaned your back against the door. For the first time that day, you felt peaceful. You still had at least fifteen minutes to yourself until your brothers would start to make your way to the car. You felt the panic subside slightly and you fully relaxed. You closed your eyes and let yourself drift off into a light sleep. You needed your energy for tonight’s match. 

The door you were leaning on swung open and you tumbled backwards smacking the back of your head against the metal frame of the car and reverse scorpioning onto the pavement. Your entire upper back and the back of your head exploded in pain and your lower back hurt slightly from having your back bent uncomfortably. You heard laughter above you as you felt tears of pain start to slip out of your eyes. Your legs swung out from their place above your face and landed on the ground with a painful thump. 

You saw three blurry figures above you laughing at your pain. You reached up with a shaky hand to wipe at your tears and saw Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. They were cackling as you shakily stood up and sat on the comfortable seats of the car. You waited patiently for them to calm down. 

Eventually, Sammy calmed down enough to explain what happened to you through chuckles. “I’m sorry (y/n), it was just too good to resist. You should’ve seen your face.”

She and the others broke back into uncontrolled laughter as they remembered your embarrassing fall. You were used to their antics, and quite frankly it felt good to make your friends laugh, even if it were at your own expense. Just as they were calming down once again, you saw Wilbur and Techno walk out the front doors of the school laughing at something the other said. Annie and Sammy heard their laughter and quickly turned around to watch them. They had massive crushes on both of your brothers, many in the school did. 

Your brothers made their way to your shared car and stopped to look at you in slight confusion. “(Y/n), were you crying? What happened?” Wilbur asked worriedly. 

“Yea-”

“Oh Wilbur, it was terrible, (y/n) fell out of the car. I don’t think she closed the door before she leaned on it.” Annie interrupted you with a faked concerned tone, a complete contradiction to her reaction before your brothers came.

Techno hastily made his way to the driver’s side door. “Well, if she’s hurt we better get going, right Wilbur?”

“Yes! We better get going, please excuse us.” He sat in the passenger seat and closed the door without hearing Sammy and Annie’s desperate attempts to stop them so they could talk to them. Your brothers thought Sammy and Annie were annoying. They absolutely hated being around them. 

Waving apologetically at your friends, you pulled yourself into the car and closed the door. Annie and Sammy looked offended that you had let Wilbur and Techno get away from them. Avoiding their eyes, you looked down at your tightly clasped hands. They were shaking slightly. 

After pulling out of the parking lot, Techno glanced at you from the rearview mirror. “You ok (y/n)?”

“Yeah, my back just hurts and I have a headache.”

“Well, do you wanna go and get some ice cream? We still have some time left before we have to pick up Tommy and Tubbo. Dad doesn’t have to know,” Wilbur asked you.

You sighed, you wanted nothing other than to take a nap before your match. “Sorry, but I need to watch what I eat today. We have semifinals tonight and I can’t have anything sugary. I just wanna go home and take a nap.”

Your brothers were quiet for the rest of the car ride until you reached your driveway. Techno twisted his body around in his seat to look at you after he put the car in park. “Did you actually fall out of the car?”

Shit, should you tell him the truth? If you did, they would almost certainly get mad at your friends. Sammy and Annie would never forgive you if you turned your brothers against them. You decided that you would take one for the team again. “Yeah, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

Techno snorted. “Well, that was stupid,” he jokingly said. “Next time you’re gonna get run over by a parked car.”

You knew that he meant that as a joke, but it still stung. Stamping your emotions down, you laughed with him and Wilbur. It was stupid of you to do, you shouldn’t have let your guard down if you weren’t at home. 

You winced as you slung your bag on your back and walked the best you could back into your house. Your upper back was killing you. You made a beeline to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet looking for some pain relief pills. You took some and shambled off to your room to take your well earned nap. You set your alarm’s setting to its loudest volume and passed out. 

You jolted up and gasped when you felt a wave of pain hit your upper back. You blearily looked at the time. You had a little under two hours before you had to get back to the school for your match. You groaned when you pulled yourself up, your head pounding with every turn. You pulled yourself out of bed and once again took some pain pills. You went downstairs to grab an apple or something to eat. Your dad was at the stove stirring something around in a pot. 

He turned to look at you with an excited smile. “You ready for your match tonight? You’re gonna kill it!” 

You only nodded halfheartedly and plopped yourself down at the table with your apple. Philza frowned at your lack of enthusiasm, but he figured that it was just because you just woke up from a nap. You’d bounce back eventually. 

“Wilbur told me that you fell out of the car? How’d you do that?”

You shrugged, wincing slightly as it moved your back slightly. “Dunno, must’ve not closed the door.”

Philza was at your side in a hurry, his hands hovering over your shoulders. “Did you get hurt? Show me where it hurts.”

“My back and the back of my head.”

“Can I move your shirt so I could look?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

You felt him gently pull the neck of your t-shirt away from your body to peek at your back. You heard his breath hitch as he looked. Was it that bad? “Good god (y/n),” he breathed out.

“What, is it bad?”

“Don’t you feel how bad it is? Your entire back is bruised. I think there’s some blood too.”

“Damn.”

“First, language. Second, that’s all you have to say? Aren’t you in pain?”

“Yeah, but the pain pills are gonna kick in soon. I’ll be fine.”

“Would you be able to play tonight? I really think you should sit this one out.”

“No, I’m playing tonight Dad.”

“(Y/n),” oh no, he was using his stern dad voice. “It’s not a good idea to play tonight. You’re hurt, I’m sure they’ll understand if you sit this one out.”

You felt frustration rise up in you. “We’re in the semifinals. They need me, I’m the main setter. They’d lose without me playing.”

“(Y/n), I’m serious. You’re not playing today.”

“Dad, I am playing today. Look, I’ll talk to Coach Williams to see if I could be rotated out more often. I know she’d let me.”

He stared at you for a while before sighing. He knew there was no convincing you. “...Fine. But you better talk to Coach Williams about sitting out for a bit if your back hurts too much or I swear I’ll drag you off the court myself.”

You smiled a little at the small victory. “Thank you! I promise I’ll sit out if needed.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “If needed?”

You sighed, “when needed.”

He walked over to the pot, stirring the contents slightly. “That’s better. Dinner’s almost ready, I made some pasta.”

“It smells good, but I think I’m skipping out on it for today. I already ate this apple and if I eat any more I’ll probably hurl on the court.”

He made a displeased noise in the back of his throat, “fine, but you’re eating something when we get home tonight.”

He walked off to go get your brothers and Tubbo for dinner. You could hear their booming steps racing down the stairs towards the kitchen. They raced into the kitchen and almost crashed into the back of your chair. You stood up and looked at the two excitable fifth graders. “Careful boys, don’t want you getting hurt.”

“You’re no fun (y/n),” Tommy whined.

“Sure, sorry bout that,” Tubbo beamed at you.

You chuckled, making your way upstairs to get ready for your match. You took off your clothes with great difficulty and slipped on your jersey and your spandex shorts. They were way too short for your tastes, but you couldn’t wear longer ones, they’d just get in the way. You fondly remembered how your dad flipped out when he first saw you in them, he hated them with a burning passion. He still hates how short they are.

When you were struggling with pulling your hair back into a tight, sleek ponytail, the back of your head throbbed continuously with pain. You most likely bruised your scalp. 

You slipped on your shoes that were made specifically for playing volleyball and headed downstairs. You were met with Tommy and Tubbo jumping in excitement seeing you in your uniform. They loved going to your matches, even if they would always pass out in the car after them because matches usually ended late at night. You grabbed your dad’s keys and headed to his car. Before you could lead the boys out the door, Philza’s voice stopped you.

“(Y/n), coat.”

You huffed, grabbing your coat and putting it on before tossing him his keys. You four got into the car and set out for the high school. The short drive was filled with Tommy and Tubbo asking you questions about volleyball and encouraging you. “(Y/n), you’re gonna kick their butts!”

“Yeah!” Tubbo cheered 

Despite their voices causing a spike of pain to shoot throughout your head, you laughed at their enthusiasm. It was always nice to hear your little brother and pseudo brother in the stands cheering you on, they were your and your team’s personal cheerleaders. 

Not long after you got to the school, you were stretching with your team on the gym’s floor. Your posse found their way into the stands, sitting in the front row. The away team watched your team like a hawk, analysing every single player for any weakness. It was because of them that you tried to not show any pain when you moved your back. You talked to Coach Williams before the team stretch and she was obviously sympathetic with your situation. She agreed to switching you out with the standby setter every few rotations. 

The echo of the whistles caused pain to ring in your head every time someone scored or a foul was called. Your team captain, Haley, was constantly, yet discreetly checking on you throughout the game since she was always next to you. She was the team’s main spiker after all. 

The game droned on and on before you realized that the opposing team was targeting you when they were offensive. They probably realized that you were injured a round ago. You tried your best to block every ball that was sent your way, but a few managed to slip past you when you couldn’t move fast enough. This team was good, but your team was better. 

The score during the final round was tied and the clock was on it’s last ten seconds as the ball soared your way. You dove to hit it, landing on your shoulder on the hard floor and hitting it up high enough for Haley to spike the ball down. The crowd went wild as the ball bounced off from the opposite end of the court almost simultaneously with the screeching of the referee’s whistle, signifying the end of the game and your team’s victory.

You laid on the floor in pain, you thought you must’ve pulled your tender muscles in your back and shoulder. It hurt to move it. You felt one of your teammates grab your hand to yank you up into a giant full team group hug. You yelped slightly in pain as you felt arms press against your back and hands firmly patting your bruised shoulders. You were whisked away into the locker room to change into the pajamas you brought with you. 

“(Y/n), are you alright? That was a pretty hard fall.” Haley’s soft voice asked you. You felt your heart sing in your chest. 

“Yeah Hales, I’m fine. I just pulled a few muscles.”

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowed together, “are you sure? As your team captain and your friend, I’m worried about you.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. You felt warm knowing that she cared about you. “I’m sure, worrywart.”

She rolled her eyes playfully and breathed out a soft laugh. “Sorry for asking, grump.” Her laugh sounded like music to your ears. 

Your phone vibrated in your pajama pocket, alerting you of your family waiting for you in the car and for you to hurry up. You sighed, “sorry Hales, I gotta go. Dad’s getting impatient.” 

She gave you a small smile. “Oh, well, tell your family I said hi! Good work on the court today, I wouldn’t ask for a different setter.”

You felt your cheeks warm up and you watched with wide eyes as she left the locker room. Your phone vibrated again, your dad was really starting to get impatient. 

You walked out of the school as fast as you could to find your dad’s car waiting for you up front. Jumping in and softly closing the passenger side door, you slumped against the window. “(Y/n),” Tommy’s tired voice slurred. “That. Was. Pog…”

You glanced back to see him and Tubbo snoring away in their seats. Your match was more exciting than usual, so that must’ve really tired them out. You chuckled, turning back around to lean against the window. You took care not to put any weight on your shoulder or back. 

“(Y/n), you were amazing out there, but why did you dive for that ball? That fall looked like it hurt.”

You hummed tiredly, “thanks Dad. I just did what I thought would win us the game. We’re going to finals!” You quietly sang. 

“Did you hurt your shoulder?”

“I actually don’t know, but I think I might’ve pulled a few muscles. Nothing too bad.”

“...I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for you tomorrow morning during your first and second blocks. I want you to get your back, shoulder, and head looked at. You looked miserable the entire match.”

You sighed, too tired to argue, “mmk.”

He chuckled before the car fell into a comfortable silence. The gentle bouncing of the car and the subtle hum of the engine was lulling you to sleep. Your eyelids were drooping by the time you pulled into your driveway. 

You drug yourself out of the car and into the house, leaving Philza with the sleeping boys. You walked straight to your room and plopped down on your bed, passing out instantly for the second time that day.

Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

[rphelperblog]

Doctor Who Quote Rp Meme/ Part One

inspired by @thedoctornumber11​

“Whole worlds pivot on acts of imagination.”

“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.”

“Letting it get to you. You know what that’s called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now is all that counts.”

“We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”

“Life depends on change, and renewal.”

Great men are forged in fire. It is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame.”

"Everything's got to end sometime. Otherwise, nothing would ever get started."

"Happy ever after doesn't mean forever. It just means time. A little time."

"I am and always will be the optimist, the hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams."

No idea. Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it's a plan."

“You’ll find that it’s a very small universe when I’m angry with you.”

“Arrogance can trip you up.”

As we learn about each other, so we learn about ourselves.”

“Nothing’s sad until it’s over, and then everything is.”

“Lives change worlds. People can save planets or wreck them. That’s the choice. Be the best of humanity.”

“Good men don’t need rules.”

"When did you last have the pleasure of smelling a flower, watching a sunset, eating a well-prepared meal?”

“Love is not an emotion. It’s a promise.”

"Never be cruel, and never be cowardly. And if you ever are, always make amends."

"Don't blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe."

"Mankind doesn't need warfare and bloodshed to prove itself. Everyday life can provide honor and valor."

"If you live long enough, the only certainty left is that you'll end up alone."

"Never ignore coincidence. Unless you're busy, in which case, always ignore coincidence."

“There’s always something to look at if you open your eyes!”

“Human progress isn’t measured by industry. It’s measured by the value you place on a life. An unimportant life. A life without privilege. The boy who died on the river, that boy's value is your value. That's what defines an age. That's what defines a species. ”

“You know that in 900 years in time and space, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”

See the bowtie? I wear it and I don’t care. That’s why it’s cool.”

“Never cruel or cowardly. Never give up, never give in.”

“You’re not gonna make the world any better by shouting at it!”

”Rest is for the weary, sleep is for the dead.”

“You want weapons? We’re in a library! Books! Best weapons in the world!”

"I'm not running away from things. I'm running to them before they flare and fade forever. That's all right. Our lives would never remain the same. They can't. One day, soon, maybe, you'll stop. I've known you for a while.”

“You know when grown-ups tell you everything’s going to be fine, but you really think they’re lying to make you feel better? Everything’s going to be fine.”

“Do what I do: Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan!”

“I’m about to do something very clever and a tiny bit against the rules of the universe. It’s important that I’m properly dressed.”

“You want weapons? We’re in a library! The best weapons in the world!”

“Everything’s got to end sometime. Otherwise, nothing would ever get started.”

“I’m about to do something very clever and a tiny bit against the rules of the universe. It’s important that I’m properly dressed.”

“First thing’s first, but not necessarily in that order.”

"Love, in all its forms, is the most powerful weapon we have. Because love is a form of hope. And like hope, love abides. In the face of everything"

“The universe is big. It’s vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles.”

"One man's law is another man's crime."

Though the man above might say hello, expect no love from the beast below.”

“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.”

“What’s the point in two hearts if you can’t be a bit forgiving now and then?”

“Never be certain of anything. It’s a sign of weakness.”

“We all change, when you think about it. We’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s OK, that’s good, you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.”

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things or make them unimportant.”

“Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”

“Time travel is like visiting Paris. You can't just read the guidebook. You've got to throw yourself in! Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers! Or is that just me?”

"A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting."

"If people see you mean them no harm, they never hurt you - 9 times out of 10."

"It doesn't matter if there's nothing under the bed or in the dark, so long as you know it's ok to be afraid of it."

"The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love."

"The least important things sometimes, my dear boy, lead to the greatest discoveries."

"One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel."

"However hard you try, you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies and nobody knows it like the Doctor."

[krethes]

@wolfstarmicrofic Day Seven: imaginary

This is closer to 50 than 2000 so... Yes. Enjoy. :)

Sirius never really gave much thought to his future. It was pretty cut and dry: he was the eldest son of a powerful, old Pureblood family. He'd marry a daughter of one of his parents' political allies, have several sons, and become Lord Black. It wasn't complicated. There was no diverting from the plan.

His cousins (Narcissa) would cajole him into playing pretend. Narcissa was fond of looking through magazines and getting the house elves to set up elaborate tea parties-turned-weddings. Sirius, whose own parents were cousins, was less than thrilled at being cast as Narcissa's "groom", but she assured him she had zero interest in his grumpy face.

He didn't think about his future, because there was no point. Everything was certain.

Until that ruddy hat called, "GRYFFINDOR!" and upended Sirius's entire world. He'd seen the abject horror and shock on the faces of his cousins at the Slytherin table, how Bellatrix's changed to vicious glee, Andromeda's to concern, and Narcissa's to something resembling sadness. Three syllables—the wrong syllables—changed everything.

The Family maintained an air of hesitant, begrudging acceptance for a whole year, but when Regulus went to Slytherin, Sirius knew things would never be the same. He mourned his loss, grieved the absence of things he thought he'd needed to survive, the love he thought he'd had from his parents.

He had to give thought to his future now, with McGonagall looking at him in her piercing, unsettling way, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, like Padfoot's fur ruffles when he's unsettled. Maybe he can live as a dog... That would be easier, for sure.

"Mr Black, I get the distinct impression that I've lost you. Sirius? Founders help me..."

Sirius ignores her mutterings, absolutely lost in his own head. Someone would probably take him. James, for sure, or Remus...

Remus.

Being James's dog would mean a lot of running, but Remus would let him sleep in and have a cuddle and they'd run around on the full moon together and have lazy Sundays in front of the fire. James wouldn't ever let his dog eat cakes or bacon, but Sirius reckons he could win Remus over with a bit of begging.

Yeah, living as a dog seems like the best choice for him. The world's going to shit, and it's not like his name carries much weight now that he's been disowned.

"Mr Black!"

Sirius blinks and stares at her, wide-eyed and startled. "Professor McGonagall!" he parrots on instinct and immediately regrets his decision, because her nostrils do that flaring thing and he's sure that if she were a cat right now, her tail would be twitching a warning.

Remus keeps him company during the detention he has to serve for his sass. He's not very helpful, the lazy sod, leaning against the wall popping chocolate bon bons in his mouth while Sirius works like a dog cleaning the floors without magic. "I just don' understan'," Remus says around a mouthful of candy, "Why didn't you just answer her question, Pads?"

Sirius scowls at the flagstones and sighs dramatically. "It's a stupid question! I'm 16, I don't know what I want to do when I leave here. It's a big question, isn't it, and like... Who even knows? Okay-" Sirius says, cutting Remus's no-doubt snide remark short, "Prongs is going to play for the Magpies and marry Lily Evans but we both know only one of those things is even a little bit possible, so he's just as bad off as I am!"

Remus suddenly crouches down in front of him, and the smell of the chocolate and the faint scent of Moony makes Sirius a little dizzy. "Just...use your imagination, Padfoot. What do you want to be, and so help me God, if you say a 'dog'..."

Sirius isn't scared of this "God" Remus is always on about, but he bites back "dog" nonetheless. "...dunno, really. Not Quidditch. Nothing with potions. Beach bum?"

Remus laughs and tosses a bonbon at him, which he cleverly catches in his mouth with a little woof. "Yeah, sure, you and me, Pads. We'll be beach bums together until we're old and toothless."

The idea of living with his best friend (and secret, desperate crush) on the beach in a tiny shack is far more appealing than any other plan Sirius has had made for his life, and even though he knows it's a ridiculous thing and definitely not going to happen, he tucks that image deep inside his heart to remember on a rainy day.

[i-cant-sing]

I wonder what would happen if Y/N had a really bad day and just decided to pick a sibling from the Yan!Todoroki clan like a cat would pick its person and just?? Sit in their lap?? They'd say 'I had a terrible day, no torture today please' before taking their well-deserved nap lookin' all cute and peaceful. Then the sibling would be so proud and confused at the same time but really really happy like 'omg for real? Me? What's happening?? 🥺'. Bonus points if it's Dabi just having the widest grin on his face while staring straight at the rest of the fam seething with jealousy.

I saw your works btw and been inhalin em all cause they're all so good *chef's kiss*

-Vibin' anon

Yandere Dabi comforting sister reader

This is so cute omg. Thank u Vibin anon!

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Yandere Dabi:

Shotou had come to pick you up from school today. Even though he had a busy schedule himself, he still made time for you, just like the rest if your family.

"How was school?" He asked.

"Fine."

"Just fine? Wasn't your result supposed to come today?"

You nodded. "It did. I passed."

Shotoy smiled. "Thats great. Did you get your report card?"

You knew he was going to ask for it. You also knew that he already knew what grades you got.

You nodded and handed him the report card from your bag.

Shotou's face lit up when he saw your grades.

"You're first again. I'm so proud of you." He patted your head.

You smiled. "Thanks."

By the time you guys reached home, you already knew that your entire family was home. They always were when your result came. You knew the principal had already informed Enji of your grades, she always does.

When you entered the house, your family yelled "surprise!" You feigned shock as they hugged you and congratulated you on your achievement.

Rei had prepared a little feast for you, everything was made from scratch. Enji was beaming with joy, he was so proud of his little girl. Rei had made your favourite cake, kissing your cheek as you cut it. Enji had gotten you beautiful diamond necklace. Natsuo, Shotou and Fuyumi had gotten you some gifts as well, stuff you had vaguely mentioned about. Dabi wasn't home, but you didn't mind his absence.

Your family had planned to spend the night on the couch cuddling and doing a movie marathon, but when you asked them to excuse you for the night because you were feeling tired, they became a but worried. You reassured them that you just had a long day at school as well, and now that you were stuffed with Rei's delicious food, sleep was inevitable. They nodded, a bit sad that you wouldn't be joining, but understanding nonetheless.

You went up the stairs to your room, and as soon as you closed the door, the smile you had been displaying all night was wiped off.

You sat on your bed and recalled the events of the day. Tears pricked your eyes, but you kept yourself quiet. They're not worthy crying over, you reminded yourself. Still, you couldn't help but crumple up your report card and throw it in the dustbin.

Silent tears fell from your eyes, no longer being able to hold them in. God, its infuriating.

Suddenly, you heard someone knock on your bedroom door. You looked at the clock. 12 am.

Its Dabi.

You couldn't deal with him tonight. You remained silent, hoping he'd leave you alone.

But of course not.

You quickly turned away from the door as soon as you heard it open. Wiping your tears quickly, you heard Dabi come in.

"You brat. Why didn't you answer when I knocked?" He asked, pushing the door close with his foot.

"Leave me alone, Dabi." You were trying hard to stabilise your voice.

"Huh?! Is that anyway to talk to your favourite brother?" Dabi mocked as he pulled at your ponytail. You yelped before turning around to push him away.

Dabi was about to laugh at you when he suddenly noticed the your face. Your eyes were full of tears, lashes heavy with them. Your face was flush, your nostrils flared, your lips in a pulled in a tight scowl. Had you been crying? Or did he make you cry?

"Hey, I'm sorry-"

"Just leave me alone." You said as you angrily wiped the tears from your face.

Dabi was shocked to see you like this. He had never seen you cry, not even when he took his teasing a little too far. So, to see you react like this, it worried him a bit.

"Have you been crying? What's the matter? Did you fail or something?" His voice actually held some concern.

You shook your head, pulling your ponytail loose. "Its nothing. Just leave."

Dabi could see the pain in your eyes. What happened? He plopped down on your bed next to you. "Come on. Tell me." He poked your shoulder. "You know I won't leave until you tell me."

"Its nothing, really." You sniffled, avoiding his gaze.

"Did Enji say something?" Dabi asked, his voice taking a dangerous tone. "Look at me. Did he do something?" He's going to kill that bastard if he-

"What? No. God, just go."

Dabi let out a huff. He'll have to use another strategy. "Fine. Don't tell me. I'll just tell Shotou you have been crying, and then you can answer to him."

Shotou? God, he would just overthink everything and do something stupid.

You caught his wrist just as he was about to leave. "Do you have to be such a jerk every single day?" You glared daggers at him.

Dabi smirked before pulling his wrist away and plopping on the bed next to you. "Yes. Big brother privileges." He poked your cheek. "Now spill."

You looked at him, hoping he'd just get blasted magically. Idiot.

You inhaled deeply before closing your eyes. "Its stupid, really." Dabi stared at you, signalling for you to continue. "Something... happened at school." You paused. "Just a couple of assholes."

Dabi was attentive now. "Go on."

You looked down at your lap, playing with your fingers. "Some kids in my class... they said mean things about me."

"Bullying?" Dabi quirked an eyebrow.

You shook your head. "I- I don't think so. They just said that I only get the highest grade in class because of my dad. Like Enji bribes the school into giving me good marks." You sniffled. "They undermine me. They say I'm not good enough to be in their school, and that the only reason I got in was because of my surname."

Tears dripped down your face slowly, almost as if they were ashamed to fall.

You wiped them away harshly. "And it doesn't matter what I say. I've tried to befriend them, I've tried to get along with them, but they still ridicule me. Its frustrating. They... they don't understand that my only option is to be the best." You whispered the last part, but Dabi heard you loud and clear.

He sat up and gently gripped your chin, turning your face towards him as he narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean 'its your only option'?"

You rolled your eyes. "You know what I mean. I know that no one in the family cares if I get the highest marks or not but...I still have to live up to the family name. What will people say if the number 1 hero's kid is both quirkless and dumb?" Your lips wobbled.

Oh. Ohhhh.

You don't want to let down the Todoroki name; you don't want to let down Enji.

He already knew it was that shithead's fault.

Dabi sighed before pulling you close to him. Placing an arm around your shoulders while his other hand wiped your tears away.

Wanting to prove your worth, that you're a valuable asset to the family. Dabi never thought he'd see himself in you, or his younger self really.

"You're an idiot." Dabi began, carding his fingers through your hair. "You don't have to be the best. You're not expected to. You know, the family knows, hell even I know how hard you worked to get in that school. I've seen how you'd do all nighters, how many times you've turned down going out so that you could do well in your exams. But you don't have to do that." He tilted your chin up, staring into your glossy eyes. "We don't care what the public thinks of us. We won't care if you fail. We don't care you're quirkless. You're not expected to be anything but a good girl." He squished your cheeks together, making you look like a fish. "You just need to be safe. Do you understand?"

You sniffled as you nodded. "Yes. Thank you."

Dabi smiled. "Why didn't you tell anyone before?" You shrugged in response. "You know what would've happened if I said anything. They're already hesitant to let me go to school, this would just give them another reason to homeschool me. Besides, I didn't let their words get to me before, so it really wasn't a big deal." Before? You were about to continue but then kept your mouth shut. But Dabi saw that. He pulled you away from him, his eyes turning sharp as he raised his eyebrows. "But something else happened today as well?"

You averted his scrutinising gaze, keeping your lips sealed as you shook your head no. "Do not lie to me. Or I'll tell Shotou and Enji and then they can handle-"

Your eyes widened. "Do you ever stop making threats?" Rolling your eyes, you told him what happened. "It wasn't anything serious. One of those jerks... thought it'd be funny to try and kiss me. When he tried to force me, I slapped him. Really hard. My handprint still on his face." You smiled at that. "He said the only reason he wasn't using his quirk on me was because I was Todorokis charity case. Then he said that I should be grateful that he was going to kiss me, especially since no one cares about a quirkless, frigid bitch like me." You let out a humourless laugh, but Dabi could see the pain in your eyes. You gave a small smile. "Dont worry. I already know what they said isn't true."

Thats it.

Dabi was already planning murder. He's going to make those little shits pay for what they did to you. The nerve to not only bully you, but make you cry, and then touch you? Dabi is gonna make sure they get tortured in every way possible before he incinerates them-

"Dabi?"

Your soft voice pulled him out of his violent thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"Can you... stay the night?"

He looked at your tear stricken face, your eyes were still laden with tear drops, your nose red from all the sniffling.

How could he say no to you? You looked ugly.

"Its okay. You don't have to-" you were cut off by a pillow hitting your face.

"Move over, brat." He climbed in the bed with you, covering you both with the blanket. "And don't put your cold feet on mine." You smiled cheekily at that.

"Don't hog the blanket- why do you need it anyway?"you yanked the blanket.

Dabi pushed another pillow on your face, laughing as you punched his shoulder. "You're insufferable."you mumbled.

It took a while to get comfortable on your single bed, but it ended up with your head on his chest, while Dabi propped himself against the headboard.

"Thank you." You whispered.

Dabi hummed. "Dont think I don't know why you're doing this."

You smiled softly. He caught on to why you were keeping him home that night; you knew he would do something terrible to those guys. "Promise me you won't hurt them?"

Dabi remained silent. You pulled your head away to look up at him. "Dabi. Promise."

When he didn't reply, tears started forming your eyes. He sighed, before shoving your face back into his chest. "Fine, crybaby. I won't hurt them. Promise." You're such a brat, stopping him from doing his big brother duties.

You went back to snuggling him, not taking long for you to finally go to sleep. Once Dabi made sure you were asleep, he pulled out his phone and texted Toga.

"Need a favour. Up 4 stabbing?"

[charles-rxwlands]

the aftermath of 'i love you.'

this is the sequel to my fic how kaz would react to 'i love you.' which was basically all angst. spoiler alert: this is all angst, too.

pairing: kaz brekker/reader but not exactly (??) cause they've broken up so uh

rating: teen

word count: 1.5k (rounded up)

summary: what happened after you said 'i love you,' to kaz

tags: gender neutral!reader, angst, unhappy ending

warnings: swearing, self-deprecating thoughts, and i think that's it? but pls lmk if anything else is needed

read on ao3

a/n: the writing quality of this really went 📉📈📉 but in my defense i wrote most of this while my brother watched tommy innit videos at full volume so ofc i was distracted.

and fyi muzzen is not an oc, he's one of the minor minor characters in soc!

once again, feedback and reblogs are appreciated! hope you enjoy reading <3

Kaz's pov

He watched you from the other side of the room as you blatantly flirted with Muzzen. He had his glass of kvas (Jesper had begged for the club to order the ravkan mead for weeks) in a death grip. You ran your fingers through your hair, and smiled at something Muzzen had said. He tugged lightly on the collar of your jacket, making you laugh softly. Kaz's heart tightened, jealousy settling in his chest.

You looked happy, even as you conversed with the brainless bodyguard who probably couldn't count up to ten. Kaz hadn't been able to make you happy like that. But you had loved him anyway, and he had 'fucked you over', as you'd put it.

I love you.

You're a coward, Brekker.

Kaz let out something in between a sigh and a frustrated grunt. He drained the rest of his drink in one go, and set the glass down more violently than he'd intended. His scowl deepened, if that were even possible, when he sensex Inej slide into the seat next to him. He waited for her to speak, because he sure as hell wasn't going to initiate the conversation. What was there to say? You and him were over. And it was all his fault. 

"Kaz," Inej said. Her tone of voice was gentle - too gentle. He didn't want to be pitied, for fuck's sake. 

"What is it, Inej?" he snapped. 

"Tell me what happened between you and Y/n."

"Nothing to tell." He shrugged. 

Annoyance flickered over her face. "I care about you both, you know," she said. "I don't like seeing you two like this."

He gave her a withering look, if only to disguise the ugly feeling that flared up within him at her words. 

Don't care about me.

Don't love me.

You can't.

Kaz bit the inside of his cheek and hung his head. He studiously ignored Inej for a solid minute. At some point, he noticed that you and Muzzen had abandoned your corner table, most likely to go suck each other's faces off. The thought sent jolts of jealousy through his heart. 

"For Saint's sake- did she break your heart? Is that it?" she demanded, apparently having had enough of his silence.

He 'tsked' in annoyance, standing up abruptly. He snatched up his cane. "Maybe I broke hers," he muttered before walking off. He didn't want to answer questions today. Or ever.

Inej didn't follow him, and he was thankful for that. He trudged up the stairway, the rickety steps creaking under his weight. Emotions swirled within him, brewing up a storm. It was just a matter of time before he exploded, because as much as he hated to admit it, he was still human. Especially when it came to you. 

You had been one of the first people to see his humanity, and the last thing he wanted was to become another monster in your life.

But then again, maybe it was too late.

Suddenly, he bumped into someone. He hissed, flinching backwards. "Watch it-," his next words died on his tongue when he looked up, and came face to face with you. For a few, painfully awkward moments, the two of you held eye contact. Your face was stony, but your e/c eyes betrayed some kind of emotion that Kaz couldn't be bothered to decipher right now.

"Sorry, Brekker," you apologised. Your tone was flat. "C'mon, Muzzen," you gestured for him to follow you back down with a jerk of your head.

His hand twitched at his side as you left, almost as if his body yearned for your presence. Your shoulders nearly touched - missing each other by less than a centimetre. He couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. 

Letting out another sharp breath, Kaz resumed the walk back to his room. His footsteps grew quicker and more urgent. Your name echoed in his mind, as well as the three words that had haunted him for days now. 

Y/n. Y/n. Y/n.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

He slammed the door behind him when he finally reached his quarters. His cane fell to the floor, although his gloves stayed on. He stumbled into the cramped bathroom, bracing two hands against the rusty sink. He twisted the tap open, ignoring the squeak of the old mechanism that would have otherwise annoyed him. A gentle stream of water flowed from the tap head, and he splashed some on his face. 

No, he thought stubbornly, I am not going to break down because of Y/n.

The despair that rattled inside of him said otherwise.

f only he had reacted better when you'd told him you loved him. If only he hadn't yelled at you and called you all those horrible things that weren't true about you in the slightest. You weren't selfish at all. You were the exact opposite. You were kind, and thoughtful, and understanding - so, so understanding of him and his endless baggage. And he had- he had ruined it all, because of his own cowardice.

You're a coward, Brekker.

I know, he thought, not for the first time. I'm sorry. 

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

Your pov

"I- I'm sorry, Muzzen, but I think I'm gonna turn in for the night," you said to the bodyguard, smiling sheepishly. "I've got a bit of a headache."

"It's alright," he said, giving a half-hearted smile back. It was clear he didn't believe you. You didn't know if that was because your acting skills weren't as up to par as you thought, or because the bodyguard was smarter than you made him out to be.

You all but ran up the stairs, nearly sagging in relief as the door closed behind you. You suddenly couldn't stand the feeling of the fabric of your coat on your skin and shrugged it off; Kaz had bought it for you, because of course the reminder of him lingered everywhere you went.

Your room wasn't anywhere near big, but it was a good way away from Kaz's, and for the first time, you were grateful for that. You couldn't deal with him at the moment.

Wait, no, that came out wrong. It wasn't him specifically that you couldn't deal with, it was the bad memories (or, rather, memory, as there was one key shitshow that had ruimed everything) that came with him.

Oh, Saints, why, why, why had you told him you loved him? Things had been going so well! And then you- you fucked it up. Yes, you had blatantly blamed this on Kaz the day of the argument, but deep down, you knew you were the one at fault. 

Your heart ached every time you thought of him. You missed Kaz. So, so much. It hadn't escaped you how he had been eyeing you and Muzzen earlier in the evening. You could only hope that he was staring out of jealousy, and not devising some foolproof plan to get rid of you.

What would it take for Kaz to forgive you? Or had you fucked things up beyond repair? 

"Shit," you whispered, leaning your head against the wall. Tears burned at the corners of your eyes. "Shit." You didn't know what exactly was 'shit'. Maybe the decision you came to moments later.

I'm going to apologise to him," you said to your empty room. "I will."

With a sniffle, you cracked open your door and slipped back outside. You had left your coat in a pile on the floor, making you vulnerable to the cold that pierced the empty areas of the Crow Club. Your feet carried you to Kaz's room naturally. You barely had to think about where you were going. Instead, you thought of Kaz himself. 

Kaz. Your fallen angel, you used to call him in your mind. You couldn't express how sorry you were. You didn't even know what you were sorry for. Loving him? Loving him, and saying it aloud? Loving him, and saying it aloud, because you were so sure he felt the same way? 

You had been being selfish. Kaz said so himself. Selfish and stupid. Of course Kaz didn't love you.

At last, you were in front of his door. You raised a fist to knock. Opened your mouth to call out. Except you did none of those. You just stood there, tears welling up in your eyes once again, a familiar pang of sadness in your chest. 

He wouldn't want to see you. How could he? This was your fault, wasn't it? It was your selfishness, and your wishful thinking that had gotten you two into this position. You missed him, but you wouldn't go as far as to think he missed you, too. If you attempted to apologise… would it really be for him? 

You wouldn't be selfish. Not again.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. 

You turned around, and walked away. 

[timbertumbr]

Here’s a cute one! Let’s say the skeletons of your choice are hearing their S/O hum music from the s musical hairspray quite often.

:o! How convenient! The theatre here is putting on hairspray this year so they get a ticking for themselves and s/o to see the show!

But when the time comes to surprise them, S/O looks down and says that they have work they can’t miss that day, but still urges them to go bc they think the show will be amazing and don’t want the skells to miss it just because they can’t go.

The night comes and they decide to take their brother with them! 

So the show goes on and who do they see? S/O playing the role as Motormouth Maybelle. They didn’t say anything bc they wanted to surprise them. Turns out they really like musical theatre lol

(Could this be written for maybe a specifically black S/O? Since that character in hairspray is traditionally black)

(Skeletons X Black! S/O) Theatre to Thee their own

Of course! I’m so sorry for the long wait, lots of things happened, I did some research on hairspray so if there’s anything wrong here, let me know.  When Sans the skeleton, lazy but lovable pile of bones hears the hums from you, he thought nothing of it until he used google “find music” to find out it was from a musical. Okay, then he’ll surprise you. Without batting an eye, he finds and buys the tickets to give to you. When they arrive, he asks casually if you’d like to go. When you looked down in (fake) distraught, you muttered under your breath that you can’t make it, work has been busy and you wouldn’t be able to make it. 

“But that shouldn’t stop you from bringing Papyrus along! He is one for the theatrics and might learn a thing or two,” While a little sad and disappointed, he nods, understanding that work can be a pain and that Papyrus would actually enjoy this show. And so he does just that, and Papyrus was ecstatic for the show! “THIS IS WONDERFUL SANS! WE CAN ENJOY THE WONDERS OF THEATRE TOGETHER!” He winked at his brother, causing Sans to raise a brow. Did he know something? Eh, whatever. To the Theatre! Upon arriving to the local theatre, he realized it was packed. Must be a big deal. With a shrug, he and Papyrus find seats and sit down, waiting for the lights to dim, the spot light to flare to life and shine down onto the stage, and for the curtains to draw. And when it did, it began. Imagine his surprise when he saw YOU playing the protagonist of this story, he was shocked! Baffled!. No he just raised a brow and grinned, piecing everything together in his head. When the show ended, you excitedly run into the crowd and towards him. “Well? What did you think? Were you surprised?” He grinned at your question. “You were amazing, and yeah, you got me. I was not expecting you up there. Heck, I’m surprised Paps managed to not spill this little surprise,” Papyrus snapped his head to his brother, giving him a glare. “I AM NOT THAT BAD AT KEEPING SECRETS!” You laugh at their shenanigans before Sans shrugs. “How about we go to Grillby’s to celebrate your performance, my treat,” Papyrus sighs. “I’D NORMALLY BE AGAINST THIS BUT IT’S A SPECIAL OCCASION! ONWARD! TO GREASE CITY!” And off you went to “grease city” to enjoy the company of your boyfriend and his brother. 

[adorerdraco]

Good Enough ✧ Draco x Hufflepuff!Reader

Request: hiii i love your writing!! can you write about a sweet hufflepuff and how everyone thinks they aren’t a good pair together so one day Pansy bullies the reader into breaking it off with Draco because she feels like she’s not good enough for him then draco finds out and he’s really mad at Pansy?

Another seventh year AU where Voldermort never existed !

Warnings: bullying, slight angst, crying, cursing (barely), sad!draco, angry!draco, implied smut towards the end (also extra mean slytherins for the purpose of this imagine but i have nothing against them i <3 them as much as any other house)

Words: 4.5K

A/N: hiii thank youuuu 🥺💗 !!!!!! but ahhhh omg im a hufflepuff so i hope i delivered good hufflepuff energy in this oneee :’))) i think this might be my new favorite thing ive written omg but i do not own gif 

There was truly no explanation how you, a kind Hufflepuff, managed to become friends, let alone a couple, with the proud and arrogant Slytherin Prince, Draco Malfoy. 

On the outside, your relationship to everyone seemed uncanny and plain wrong. Even your friends and housemates had looked down on it for a while but eventually came around and just let you be. You couldn’t say the same for the Slytherin’s, however, because if there was one house they disliked more than Gryffindor; it was Hufflepuff.

They berated you and Draco for weeks after they found out he had started a relationship with you. They scowled at you when you would walk by them sometimes calling you names depending on whether or not Draco was by your side. He always defended you and you did your best to ignore them, but they were relentless. You had only been dating for about a month now and the tantalizing comments from Slytherin’s and anyone else who wanted tear the two of you down were right now seeming endless.

“Why can’t people leave us alone,” you said sadly to him one night. You were lying with him in a patch of grass outside the castle, head against his chest as his hand lazily traced patterns onto your bicep.

“They’re only jealous,” he sneered quietly. “People get mad at what they can’t have or what they can't understand.”

Draco’s patience with people was worsening each and every day. His housemates, regularly, would corner him in the common room and interrogate him with questions that made him want to rip his hair out.

“Is this some sort of prank you haven’t told us about, Malfoy?”

“A Hufflepuff? Have you gone mad?”

“Is she blackmailing you with something, mate?”

“Haven’t you thought about how that makes us Slytherin’s look?”

“She’s a blood-traitor!”

The questioning would always lead to him yelling and threatening everyone aggressively before he locked himself in his Prefect dorm or would leave the common room altogether in a fury. Those were the days he would find you after he calmed down and would hug you tightly, pressing kisses all over your face as he praised you with everything he adored about you to how happy you made him and how perfect you were for him. 

You, on the other hand, were dealing with much worse. You never told Draco some of the awful things people would say to you when he wasn’t around. You would stand up for yourself very rarely, confrontation not really being your first approach to handling things but when the insults were bad enough, you were forced to.

You would always hear a variation of the same things said either directly to you or from obvious whispering, majority of them being from Slytherin and the occasional judgmental comment from others.

“Filthy Hufflepuff!”

“Can’t believe one of them is dating one of ours.”

“What does Malfoy even see in her?”

“You’d think someone who’s supposed to be kind wouldn’t want anything to do with such an arse.”

More than ever, Draco found himself giving you an excessive amount of compliments and reassurances that he thought would balance out the insults and criticisms you would tell him about or he would witness. Everything he would tell you was true, of course, but you always felt like he said them out of pity or like he had to.

“I appreciate you trying to make it better, but you don’t have to keep complimenting me, Dray.” You’ve said to him countless times.

And he would often respond with, “but I need you to know how I feel about you.”

Despite the constant uphill battle, your relationship with the platinum blond was everything you hoped for and more. Considering your friendship had started on rocky beginnings a year ago, you would have never thought you’d be with him now.  You couldn’t thank the stars more for when your aged and nearly blind owl had flown straight into the back of his head, pecking at him while he tried to swat it away which then led to him giving you a piece of his mind and trying to hex your owl - causing you to try to hex him just as McGonagall happened to be passing by the fiasco that landed both of you in a months-long detention for reckless magic usage. It was in detention when the two of you were forced to spend time together and realized that the other wasn’t as bad as they thought.

Draco, much like everyone else, always believed Hufflepuffs to be weak and cowardly, too kind for their own good - but he quickly learned how common of a misconception that was the longer he knew you. You always fought for what was morally right, defended those you love and are loyal to courageously, and were sweet and friendly with everyone you talked to whether you knew them or not.

He gravitated towards your kindness and empathetic approach to everything. He loved to see the smiles you put on people’s faces or the way animals would randomly come up to you and immediately trust you enough to give them gentle pets that they always leaned into. He even loved the way you talked to everyone as your equals, something he rarely saw in his environment. Everything you did was a vast difference to what he saw on the daily from his cold and aloof peers, but it was a difference he enjoyed. He wished so deeply that everyone could see and understand how amazing you were to him and he was determined to make it happen.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” You asked shyly as he held your hand tightly in his, walking you slowly over to his large group of his closest Slytherin friends that were all gathered around a bench under a tree in the courtyard.

The Prince of Slytherin believed that if he could get his friends to at least tolerate you, then everyone else would follow in suit. He only associated himself with the best and most influential of his house so if there was anyone that could improve his current situation; it would be them. You were a little uneasy about his plan, but later agreed when he had convinced you that his idea couldn’t and wouldn’t fail.

“Of course it is!” He exclaimed encouragingly. “Plus, I’m Draco Malfoy, they’ll like anything I tell them to like.”

“Okay,” you sighed, rolling your eyes slightly at his boast.

The closer you got to them, the more you felt your hands begin to sweat and the heat crawling up your face. They all began to turn towards the two of you, their eyes focusing on you and you only with a pointed gaze. You started to realize how greatly you underestimated how intimidating they looked. Especially the one girl who made it her mission to bother you every chance she could get - always from afar while she pointed at you and whispered something into her friend’s ears while they laughed or when she would pass by you and say something rude under her breath.

“Look what Malfoy’s dragged in!” Pansy Parkinson called out with a malicious smirk on her face as she eyed you.

“Give it a rest, Pansy,” Blaise sighed, “If Malfoy wants us to meet his little friend then so be it.”

“Not my little friend, my girlfriend,” Draco corrected angrily as the two of you finally reached the group. “This is Y/N and I wanted you all to meet her since I plan on having her around for a long while, so you might as well get used to it.”

“Long while? Poor thing can’t even introduce herself,” Pansy laughed tauntingly.

“I think Draco introduced me just fine right now but if you want, I’ll do it again to make you feel better,” you smiled a big fake toothy grin at her. “Hi, I’m Y/N.”

Everyone snickered at your response, watching for the girl’s reaction as her nostrils flared in irritation. Draco smiled to himself and gave your hand a quick squeeze, feeling proud that you found a way to talk back to her in the nicest way possible.

“Right, well, I’m sure you know this is; Goyle, Crabbe, Zabini, Pike, Flint, Nott, and...” Draco pointed to everyone, trailing off when he reached the only girl in the group, “I don’t think that one needs an introduction, she rather do it herself, right Parkinson?”

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, giving the blond a false squinty-eyed grin with attitude.

“So, you want us to be the nice to the Hufflepuff then?” Zabini questions, pointing a finger towards you.

“Yes, I want you to be nice to, Y/N,” Draco corrected again, his hand getting tighter in your grasp as he spoke. “That goes for all of you and everyone else in this bloody house. I don’t want to hear anything bad about her or us coming from anyone ever again or you’ll have me to answer to. I don’t care how friendly we are.”

“So he has to defend you too now?” Pansy spoke again, “Merlin, it’s a wonder how you Hufflepuff sort even survive in this world.”

Before anyone could say anything, you mustered up all the courage you had and stepped forward towards the irked girl in front of you.

“Listen, I don’t want any more trouble with you or anyone,” you rushed out. “I just want to go about my day without having to hear how disgusting and weak I am.”

She opened her mouth to retaliate but Blaise put a hand in front of her and pushed her back before she got any closer to you.

“Alright, we’ll try,” he answered for the group quickly in an annoyed tone, “but I can’t promise that for the rest of Slytherin. They really don’t like you guys together, thinks it makes them look bad. Eventually, they’ll get tired of it and move on to the next.”

“That’s as good as its gonna get,” Goyle guffawed, Crabbe and Pike snickering alongside him.

You sighed, looking up at Draco and slightly tugging at his hand while you silently begged him to take you out of there but he didn’t catch the hint and instead did the complete opposite when he had turned towards the only boy in the group who seemed to have brains.

“Zabini, can I talk to you really quick?” He asked gruffly. Blaise deeply sighed and nodded, the two boys breaking away from the group and stopping a few feet away before talking in angry hushed voices to each other.

You - all of a sudden felt very small and sick, your eyes frantically bouncing around the group as they watched you squirm. Pansy took this as her chance to step closer towards you, stopping a few inches away from you while a smirk made its way onto her face.

“Since you obviously don’t see the bigger picture, I’ll paint it for you,” she began contemptuously, “you and Draco really don’t belong together, at all. Sure, you might think everything’s fine right now, but what’ll happen when he gets tired of defending you and proving you to everyone. You think Hogwarts is your problem? Just wait until you meet the Malfoy’s. Do you really think his father would like or even tolerate a filthy blood traitor like you?”

You gaped at her, taking a few shaky steps away from her as her words hit you like a truck.

“Think about it, Y/L/N,” she gets in your face again, her hand reaching up to grip your shoulder tightly to hold you in place. “He needs to be with someone of his status, a pure-blooded Slytherin who comes from a good wealthy family who holds all the same beliefs as the Malfoy’s. If I were you, I’d end it before you ruin his life any more than you already have and end up leaving him without a family or his inheritance.”

“Are you trying to say that ‘someone’ should be you?” You question through gritted teeth, shrugging your shoulder hard out of her clawed grasp.

“I never said that,” she smiles, “but who am I to say it shouldn’t be?” 

Pansy tauntingly walked away from you, a smug look on her face as she noticed just how obviously she had hurt you. You wanted to run away and cry, but you held it together for the sake of your last remaining dignity and so that you wouldn’t please your assailant even more than you already have.

Draco turned to stroll back towards the group with Blaise, his eyes landing on your shuddering figure and the broken look in your eyes as they met his. He looked around at the rest of the group who were talking amongst themselves, unknowing to them that Parkinson had just ripped a new one on you. She stood around them, looking at her nails with an uninterested look in her eyes and when she felt Draco’s eyes on her, she looked up and smiled at him innocently. 

‘Bitch,’ you thought.

He slowly walked towards you, taking your hand and deeply frowning when you immediately slipped it out of his.

“What’s wrong?” His voice dripped with concern, his sad gray’s searching your face for any answer as to why you were suddenly acting so cold.

“I need to talk to you,” you breathed out. “Alone.”

He nodded, instinctively reaching out for your hand only for you to reject it again. He felt queasy at the response, his heart falling to his stomach as you turned around and began walking away. His legs were moving hastily behind you, a dooming tension had fallen between the two of you and he couldn’t for the life of him find a reason why.

Pansy’s words were like a game of pinball on a constant loop in your mind. Your thoughts were bumping and flying haphazardly as you tried to make sense of them and what you were about to do. And as much as you hated to admit it - the wench was right. You would never be able to offer Draco and his family anything that would ever be close to enough. You were just a sweet, regular Hufflepuff, someone far from who his family expected to date. And what if you did end up staying with him? You figured you would end up breaking up years later when he would be forced to marry someone else. Or in the slight chance, he fought against that, there was no way you’d forgive yourself if he lost his family and his future because of your own selfish needs.

You stopped at an empty corridor, sitting at one of the windowsills you regularly sat at with the platinum blond when the two of you snuck out at night to meet each other. Your head fell into your hands, your thoughts raging louder in your head and now through your body as you began to unwillingly shake. The held back tears had finally broken out in a waterfall of sadness, frustration, and grief.

Draco only watched, his heartbreaking at the sight as he kneeled in front of you, his hands resting on your knees while he tried to figure out what to say.

“Darling, please tell me what’s gotten you like this,” he pleads sadly. “If it’s about what Blaise said, I made a deal with him so he would try and help.”

“No, it’s not that,” you answered, choking back the lump in a feeble attempt to try and get yourself calmed down enough to talk to him.

He sat back on his heels, his hand running down his face in distress as he racked through his brain for anything else that might have gotten you like this. He let you cry for a bit, feeling useless as he watched you go through an internal battle he had no clue about.

“Then what is it? Tell me and I’ll fix it,” he says softly when he saw your tears had finally been reduced to stray droplets on your face.

“You can’t,” you sniffle. Your hand weakly brushed over his paled slender fingers that were holding your knee gently. He turned his palm upwards for you and you placed your shaking hand in his while you basked in the final moments of his warmth. You regrettably slipped out of his grip before you spoke the words you couldn’t take back. “We can’t be together anymore.”

Draco blinked, his stomach dropping as soon as the words left your mouth. “What?”

You stood up, backing away from him as you shook your head. “Everyone was right - I’ll never be good enough for you, for your friends, for your family. You deserve to be with someone who makes your life easier, not harder.”

“Where did all this come from?” He asks incredulously, standing up from his spot on the floor as he painfully watched your slowly retreating figure. “It’s all rubbish is what it is. You’ve never made my life harder.”

“Draco, look around you!” You exasperated, your arms flailing around you. “You had to make a deal with your own friends for them to even be nice to me. Your house can’t stand me and they take it out on the both of us! And what about your parents? You know for a fact they would hate me, don’t even try and deny it.”

Pale hands ran through his hair, his fingers pulling at the platinum strands in frustration.

“I thought you didn’t care about all that,” he said woefully. “I thought you’d know by now none of it matters.”

“Well, I care now,” you answer back gloomily. “And you should too.”

There was a spinning and nauseating feeling in the pit of the Slytherin’s stomach, his heart violently jumping around in his chest as he let you storm away from him. 

He let his back fall against a pillar, a deep and burning exhale falling from his trembling lips while he stared at a live painting across from him. It was of three women, the chalices in their hands supposed to be joined in a toast above them while they smiled gleefully in celebration, 3 of Chalices, it read in the caption below the frame. Instead of being in their usual position, they stared at him with pity in their softly painted eyes as they slowly raised their cups towards him in a way of showing their condolences.

He nodded curtly at them before he kicked himself off the wall and dragged himself towards the Great Hall where they were serving dinner and where he would undoubtedly find his so-called friends. He prepared himself to break the news to them, knowing they would be over the moon about it and as much as he wanted to join them in their delight, he couldn’t push away the large ache that had settled itself in his chest.

“We’re done,” he muttered dreadfully to himself, “it’s over.”

He was testing out different ways he could tell everyone the long-awaited news but they all left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“I think you’ll all be delighted to know, Y/N-” he tried again but he lost his train of thought when he spoke your name. It was like taking an invisible kick to his heart as if Peeves the Poltergeist had somehow crawled into his body and was wreaking his usual havoc on his insides. 

The second he stepped into the Great Hall and saw his group sitting there, eating and laughing amongst everyone else, he felt sick all over again. There was no way he could stomach the triumph they were about to unleash, but he sucked it up and drudged towards them anyway.

“You look ghastly,” Pansy snickers, already having a feeling as to why he looked so rough. He stopped at the bench, hesitating to sit down because he knew he’d want to dash the second everyone started to relentlessly bash you.

“Deal’s off, Zabini,” the blond spoke lowly. “I’m not with Y/L/N anymore so it doesn’t matter.”

“You’re better off without her, Malfoy,” Blaise said delightedly. “Can’t believe you nearly had us associating with a blood traitor. It’s better that she’s gone.”

“Yeah, we ought to thank Pansy for that,” Crabbe laughed loudly through a mouthful of food. Pansy kicked his shin under the table, and he recoiled too fast, the food in his mouth getting shot in the wrong direction as he started choking.

“Pansy?” Draco repeated, his eyes falling towards the shying girl. “What did Pansy do?”

“What?” Crabbe coughed roughly, “did no one else see her talking to the ickle Hufflepuff?”

Pansy kicked him again and he wailed out a “stop kicking me, you donkey!”

Any ounce of sadness Draco had in his body was immediately washed out in rage. He wanted to flip over the table and scream at everyone in his path, but he only turned towards Pansy again and asked her calmly.

“What did you say to her?”

“I only told her the truth!” She said coyly, holding her hands up in defense.

“What” his fist had slammed onto the table making everyone sitting near the contact jump in surprise, “did you say to her!”

“The truth! Or are you too blind to see it too?” She sneered at him. “Do you honestly think the two of you would last? Look at who you are, Draco!”

“Talk to me ever again and I swear I’ll hex you,” he spat, turning hot on his heel as he stormed out of the Great Hall, his friends staring at his retreating figure in shock at the outburst.

Draco found himself rushing through stairs and corridors, his heart racing as he searched for the place he just knew you’d be. Now that he knew the full story, he needed to talk to you. Even if you didn’t change your mind, he wanted to at least try to fix what had been broken. The tall and bronzed doors were ajar, a small light filtering through the dark corridor he was nearly running down. 

A mop of bright silver hair had peaked through the crack in the doors of the Hogwarts kitchen, worried gray eyes following in suit as they searched the room for its target. He found you hunched over a small dessert plate, a half-eaten cake being drenched in your tears that never seemed to stop. There was a house-elf next to you, looking up at you from the floor in concern while they patted your leg. 

“Mister!” a scraggly voice croaked out from below him. He looked down to find a rugged looking house-elf staring up at him with furrowed eyebrows and hands on its hips. “Students are prohibited in the kitchen.”

“There’s a student right there,” he pointed towards you.

“She’s an exception!” the elf exclaimed wildly.

Draco shook his head before walking past the small creature, power walking straight towards you while it ran behind him.

“Wait till Gonpy tells the Headmaster about this!” The elf calls, “Gonby asks your name, sir!””

“Vincent Crabbe,” Draco answers mindlessly as he continued walking towards the far end of the room that very closely resembled the Great Hall and its vastness.

The familiar accent rang through your ears, your glassy eyes shooting up in surprise when you see the reason for your tears hurrying towards you.

“Before you say anything, you need to listen to me,” he starts desperately once he reaches you. “I know it was Pansy who put those thoughts into your head. I know you think you’re not enough for me. And I know you think I was always complimenting you out of pity, but you couldn’t be more wrong about any of that. I say all those things to you because I mean it. You are everything to me. You are more than enough for me just by being you. You make me the happiest I’ve ever been and sometimes I wonder if I’m even good enough for you. But you need to understand how much I love you.”

“Draco,” you breathe, heart leaping in your chest at his rambling speech, “I love you too. But what about everyone else, how are we even supposed to be with each other in peace?”

“To hell with everyone else,” he responds quickly, walking around the edge of the table so that he was now only mere centimeters away from you. “Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes, of course,” you blink at him, “but do you really think your parents would let this happen?”

“We’ll deal with them when the time comes,” he mumbles, his hand finding its way to your puffy cheek where he let it rest. “Besides, my mother likes anything that makes me happy, so I know for a fact at least she will end up loving you just as much as I do.”

You nodded happily, a new hope bubbling in your stomach as you lurched towards him and hugged the stressed boy against you tightly. The both of you let out a breath of relief at the same time from the contact, finally feeling back in balance after the short-lived sorrow. 

He pulled away from you and leaned down into you, his lips capturing yours in a tender and passionate kiss. That was when the elves you had forgotten about had quickly stopped eavesdropping, scurrying themselves away from the table as they went to start cleaning up the kitchen. 

It was minutes before you had finally pulled away, looking dreamily into the happy gray’s that gazed back at you. You admired him for a couple seconds, feeling very content before you reached up towards him again, tangling your hands in his hair and pressing another kiss onto his now swollen lips. He moved needily against you, pushing your body flush the table as he held you tightly against him.

“Ahem,” a small voice uncomfortably called out from below. It was the same elf who had chased Draco down the kitchen when he walked in, a frown on his face as he stared at the two of you. “Gonpy and the house-elves make food here!”

“I’m sorry, Gonpy,” you hurriedly apologize, ripping yourself away from a ragged breathing Draco as you bent down to shake hands with the elf. “Thank you for making me cake and letting me cry here, you’re a Hogwarts hero.”

“Gonpy thanks you, Miss Y/L/N! The truest, kindest Hufflepuff!” 

Draco bit back a smile at the interaction. You stood up and reached your hand behind you for the Slytherin to take and as the two of you walked away, he yelled out a quick, “Thanks Gonpy!”

And once the two of you were near the exit, he wrapped his arms around you from behind and pressed his body against your back, lowering his mouth towards your ear and kissing the skin right below it before whispering, “do you want to go back to my dorm?”

You nodded eagerly, giggling loudly as the two of you stumbled out of the door underneath his hold and into the dimly lit corridor before pulling apart and racing towards the direction of the dungeons with his hand interlocked in yours.