#because i do it all to myself. by trusting the wrong people

[jewish-vents]

I knew people hated us but I don’t think I truly understood just how *deeply and violently* they hate us. I always thought it was a passive kind of hate, an annoyed but tepid hate. I saw some concerning stuff during 2021 but convinced myself it was just chronically online idiots. And of course there were also Nazis, sure, but everyone else didn’t really care, right? This last year has proven me so so so wrong. I barely interact with gentiles anymore because I am so utterly terrified. The week after October 7, I was cornered in the grocery store several times, in the months following I was pushed out of a support group, my gentile friends didn’t get it, so now I pretty much exclusively hang out with other Jews. I don’t wear my kippah anymore except at shul, I don’t wear my Star of David, I just hide. And I feel like such a coward. But this last year has been mentally and emotionally devastating. My PTSD has been in overdrive with all the gaslighting and I just don’t know how much longer I can handle it. It feels selfish, given that there are people being held hostage, people who were killed or have been displaced, but it’s gotten so violent in the diaspora that I can’t ignore it anymore. How did we get here? How do we come back from this? Can we? Will I ever be able to trust gentiles again? Will I ever get my friends back? My community back? Will it be this generation or next that has to run? When will we get to stop running?

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[casscainmainly]

thank you so much for answering my ask! and so fast too, haha, don't worry about deleting it that stuff happens <3

i'm just curious though, im kinda new to dc and i mostly know stuff from tumblr (ive started reading comics from reading lists tho!)

since you're a cass fan, what makes you think dick is the fav? i love them both ofc but just tryna improve my understanding of the dynamics between the family. i've heard that cass and damian are the favorites? and jason? though apparently jason is only in fanon and ahh im just kinda confused im so sorry for the stupid questions

Trust me, no question about comics is stupid!! It's impossible to know everything (and I'm relatively new myself haha), so don't feel bad about asking anything. Plus I love answering asks :)).

Anyway, fantastic-nonsense's post here covers about all of why I think Dick is the fav. In case you don't wanna go there, here's one of the panels:

From Infinite Crisis #6. As clear an answer as we'll ever get, I think.

The question of 'who is Bruce's favourite?' is always subject to personal interpretation, though. Lots of factors - what a person has read, which character they like, what interpretation they have of Bruce - go into who someone thinks is Bruce's fav. Sometimes it's not even a question of pure canon, but a question of theme. Which character being Bruce's fav is the most narratively compelling? To me, that's Dick - their relationship has the most history, the most depth, and frankly I prefer one of Batman's successors (who to me is Dick or Cass only) being his favourite.

Cass being the fav is compelling too, but not as compelling to me as her not being the fav. Her story, her quest to break free from White men's expectations (both David and Bruce's), makes me not want her to be tied to Bruce's love too much. So while there are great canon reasons for her being the fav, I don't think it's a necessary or even particularly interesting angle for Bruce-Cass.

I actually haven't heard many people argue for Damian being Bruce's fav (it's usually Dick or Cass in my circles), which goes to show how much opinions vary haha. Damian has great reasons too - his entire death/resurrection has strong Bruce-Damian moments - but this is the least interesting fav kid pick to me. He's been raised to think of himself as Bruce's fav, and his arc is about undoing that belief in legacy, being the heir, etc. So being Bruce's fav doesn't do much for him. Having the only bio kid be the fav isn't that interesting either.

Jason definitely is the most fanon-y pick, though Jay being Bruce's fav is genuinely interesting. It's just that Bruce's love for Jason is a lot about the dead kid he used to be, and also half of why Jason is so obsessed with Dick is because he knows Bruce is obsessed with him. So in a roundabout way my preferred Jason-Dick dynamic hinges on Jason not being Bruce's fav. But I'm not well-read on Jason, I think some Jason fans might have good reasons for him being the fav.

These are all my interpretations of these characters, and the fun about reading comics is growing to develop your own opinion about questions like this! To me Bruce's fav isn't a strict right/wrong answer, I'm like one well-written meta away from changing my mind. But I hope this clarified my thoughts on the question!

[katyspersonal]

I really do not deserve sympathy if I keep trusting into people who obviously can only hurt and invalidate everything about me and everything we had as soon as I don't meet some of their selfish expectations. As soon as I start to feel safe and accepting living together, I fucking hear "we have no reason to be friends if you don't get into the videogames that I love" when I explained 500 times how I interact with videogames and fiction and why I cannot just waste my days playing many of them and why I cannot simply chug up new information and content often.

But really, why should anyone care about the fact that I get hurt again and that I am crying again, when I am the one who never fucking learns and keeps giving a chance to a person that I /know/ doesn't care and will harm me when I expect it the least? That every time it is another dumb, stupid, minor thing that magically makes me no longer important. That I cannot be honest and cannot be myself without being punished for it every time. That I just am not worthy of acceptance and understanding and unconditional love, it seems. That I am never good enough. Maybe people that hate me and want to exterminate me for the awful sin of having terrible mental health were right. Maybe I am weak for expecting anything from wrong kind of people. And the weakest must be gone.

[kanjichris]

"why don't you want him to know how much you love him?" "that's a little personal. he knows." "uh-huh."

[camellcat]

WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?

[oxbowreality]

I wish I could stop being lonely without having to interact with people. People are scary.

[aurorashard]

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[mellotronmkll]

Very unhappy today but it's not about anything that I can control so I just have to stop worrying!!!! Which is easier said than done

[drygrasses]

🔇-

[glittertimes]

I think I finally understand what’s at the root of all my weird little problems and why I have such a hard time connecting with my body.

I do so much work to read and be smart as a defensive mechanism because I’m a really kind caring person and that makes me a little naive and I look a lot younger than I am so I feel like people think I’m easy to manipulate.

But then there’s a part of me that feels like it’s not safe to be smart, and that sounds so weird and counterintuitive but I realized it’s because I’m terrified of being seen.

Like if I’m smart I’m going to have to act on it and challenge people and that’ll bring attention on me that I don’t want to deal with so I’ll continue to be the kind naive nice girl even if people are mistreating me because it’s not safe to be seen it’s not safe to be smart.

Like my body will not use basic protection methods like setting boundaries, saying no or standing up for myself because that requires me to get over that fear of being seen. Like my body fears being seen more than it fears being mistreated and that’s kind of terrifying.

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

[agendratum]

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[mister13eyond]

relationship/poly talk

bae has apparently become the go-to person for questions about polyamory among his coworkers, which is extremely funny to me bc he, like us, just kinda landed ass-first in this whole thing by simple virtue of "we are all just really transparent and talk about our feelings a lot so things were never really that complicated to begin with" and so i think at least I have literally no practical advice besides 'be really good at communicating' and idk if it's the same for him but it seems very simple to be poly imo

every time i read polyamory guides they have this huge section on jealousy and managing it but i genuinely just. don't.... feel jealous like that.... the closest i get is FOMO, and that's not necessarily 'what if [partner] likes [person] more than me' it's "wahhh [person] is getting to hang out with [partner]? I wish I was hanging out with [partner] right now!!!"

which is like, extremely easy to fix, because you just go 'after you're done spending time with [person] let's plan to spend some time together too!'. bada bing bada boom problem solved

[queerstudiesnatural]

ok well. just went to see a neuropsychologist and all she asked me were the standard questions you find in every internet autism test. which i KNOW don't apply to me ("do you find it difficult to infer people's intentions", "do you find it difficult to read between the lines" etc) and like she was literally reading off of her computer and asking me to pick one of the options between "strongly agree" and "strongly disagree" and it's like girl i could have done that at home. sure hope she's not stopping there and that she's not gonna just look at what i said but at the way i said it. idk it irked me that she just pulled up the old (as in outdated and reductive) standardised test on her computer and acted as if those questions would make me question myself like girl i've done this test fifteen times. not only is it not going to tell you anything about me but it's not going to tell you anything about most people. and most autistics. and she did suggest i come back for a more formal and global assessment, but she also kept using the words "cognitive deficit" to describe autism. which i realise is a commonly used term, but it feels reductive idk. so overall i'm not overjoyed with how this went lol.

[solaaresque]

day 874392857 of ??? where i am so fucking tired of this house and the people inside it that killing myself is looking better and better each day :/