#because im always the one who has to tell myself that. and im not always good at convincing myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

significant-ace-nnoyance · 3 months

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"they casted ___ too hot, how am i supposed to root against the villain" is a direct product of children's literature that constantly associates physical attractiveness with moral character and value

#its the most frustrating thing ever actually #to read books where they CONSTANTLY have to tell you how the good guys are attractive and the bad guys arent #also a product of ableism and fatphobia bc the bad guys are always disabled and fat too COUGH COUGH DISNEY #even with characters like luke who are written as attractive the fact that he's the 1 hot bad guy makes us believe there's smth worth savin #like just admit that if he wasn't hot soooo many more people would be sooooo quick to condemn all of his horribly abusive actions #im so sick of people defending male villains just with “hes hot” or “its not my fault they made him hot” DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT BAD MEN #USE THEIR PHYSICAL AND SOCIAL CAPITAL TO MANIPULATE PEOPLE AND GAIN UNDESERVED RESPECT AND OPPORTUNITIES #BEING HOT IS PART OF THE WAY HE IS ABLE TO GAIN POWER AND INFLUENCE (AND STEP ON ALL THESE WOMEN TO GET THERE)#WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP #this is less so for women i feel like bc characters (like kelly the empousa) are hot but they are Evil bc they use that to their own gain #like you have to be quirky mc attractive but not AWARE that you are attractive (like one direction type girl) to be valuable and good #and that beauty can only serve others basically like you can't use it to further your own goals bc thats Evil Women #which is why i think a lot of people are drawn to evil women bc its the one time women are allowed to be selfish and confident in themselve #and you dont have to be worried about the constant over criticism of every mistake or imperfect trait bc like yeah. shes evil.#while if you have a fmc she has to be PERFECTLY PURE to deserve any modicum of love and appreciation #if people put as much energy into appreciating “basic” female protagonists as they do into “redeeming” male villains....#anyways blah blah blah ive been thinking so much lately about how much we associate attractiveness with having value #like i thought to myself early that not being 'pretty' doesn't mean i shouldn't feel worthy of love from others or myself #and i was like woah. physical attractiveness doesn't define your worth as a human being #like i know that mentally but saying it out loud i was like woahhhh waitafuckingminute #anyways fuck jk rowling #thats what i actually meant to say #kiri into the void #once again writing essays in the tags #because it frees me from expectations and lets me just yap away

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lesbianwithchainsaws · 5 months

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Maybe a weird request, but can someone please assure me that no one is in my head/can know all my thoughts? I'm fully aware that it's not possible for someone to be in my head, but unfortunately being aware of it isn't always enough to make the feeling go away. I've never actually asked anyone else to assure me of this and always just deal with that feeling myself, but I wanna see if that might help bc i keep feeling that today

#tbh i have that feeling on like a daily basis but its not always intense #like i had it yesterday but it wasnt bad yesterday #it feels a bit worse today though #again idk if it will help but i want to try and to just have someone else tell me that no one is in my head #because im always the one who has to tell myself that. and im not always good at convincing myself

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altruistic-meme · 4 months

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sometimes i forget that there really is a whole different world outside of tumblr and then i talk to my coworkers about how excited i am to get older and turn 30 and they ask me why and tell me how old that is and that my life will be over by then. and i just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them violently and scream NO IT WONT!!! MY LIFE WILL HAVE BARELY BEGUN!!!!! THERE WILL STILL BE SO MUCH LEFT TO DO AND SO MUCH TO LEARN!!!!! like i view getting old so positively now after years of promises and stories from here and i forget that there are people who genuinely think that once you hit 30 everything ends.

#sorry i saw a post and it reminded me of talking with my coworkers #one just turned 29 #and one who is only 21 was saying jow old she was etc #and i was talking about how excited i was for 30!! its still quite a ways away but im excited anyway #and he couldnt wrao his head arpund it #the 29yo coworker also was saying she had always wanted to turn 30 #and she explained it as shes the youngest in her family so she has. sonewhat idolized view of getting older #i couldbt bring myself to tell them that its because i never thought i would live to see 17 and now im 22 #anyway #shh ac

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erisolkat · 2 months

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god i hate everyone

#who thought it would be cute to immediately start ribbing me about how hairy and bald and ugly im gonna be when i go on t #one. im taking minoxidil. two. i wanna be hairy. and three. im not transitioning to attract you guys im transitioning to attract other trans #people! other trans guys find it hot come on!#like ok so dads brother is out here rn right #so first mom tells me hes gonna ask me questions about being trans. ok fine.#second she starts going on about how i had to be emotionally vulnerable with like 3 different therapists for this. whatever.#then when i start participating in the conversation she immediately asks “so how are you feeling about losing all your hair”#THEN she has the audacity to say to my uncle “yeah its sort of a gamble hes either gonna end up hairy like the italian side or fairly #baby smooth like yall“ when she fucking KNOWS that im dysphoric about my lack of body hair #and this happens every time! and its out of nowhere constantly!#all the while the cis men in the room are fucking bullying me with all this toxic masculinity bullshit!#sometimes i just wish i had never come out is all im saying #kept this a secret until i became an adult yknow. yeah i would have to do everything myself but it wouldn't be like this #just because i told you that you could call me a fag doesnt mean youre suddenly allowed to do microagressions constantly #shes tickled to fucking death with calling my future bottom growth my “teenie weenie” what the fuck! what the fuck!!!#and meanwhile every time i try to say words or make a joke my dad and grandpa jump on the fucking opportunity to correct me! or cut me off!#sorry im fucking exhausted i barely slept at all the night before last and got i think maybe 7 hours of sleep at most last night #and i just got out of therapy which always wears me out

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tennessoui · 4 months

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i really like your take on padme in mermay au, she is straight up vicious, it somehow suits her better than her canonical persona? i don't know i never saw her as particularly, overly kind in canon, more like someone who definitely cares but is downright manipulative? idk if i'm making sense, long story short, this version of padme scratched an itch in my brain i didn't know i had

i think padme is always fun to write because versions of her can be very complex and when i write her i like to focus on her capacity for anger (in fics where she and anakin are still together when the fic starts) i'm sure that gets a bit tiring to read for people but i just can't see her character just being calm and placid and ok with losing anakin immediately. she seems too fiery in canon, and she seems to love anakin too much to just let him go

and when im writing padmé in canon fics, i want to balance that part of her with her other parts, like her kindness and a sense of justice and empathy ('a more perfect union' padmé for example is all of those things), but i think all those parts are important.

so i've really liked how easy it's been to lean into padmé's viciousness in the mer au!! it's been super fun for me, because one of my favorite parts of writing different aus is playing with how much a character is of a particular trait (ie., how much of a bitch obi-wan is, how much of a brat anakin is, how much of a good jedi is anakin, how much infinite sadness does obi-wan have etc etc) so i've liked dragging padmé's viciousness all the way up to the top of the scale here

she's a mermaid queen who is queen of a vicious and vain society and being queen means different things in this au than it does in star wars canon, a lot of which boils down to never really hearing the word no and maybe being a bit callous and naive because of it. she's also the most mer in the au because anakin was human for 21 years and obi-wan was human for likeee ~15 years (?) but padmé has been mer all her life and would never want to be human - she's fascinated by anakin, but not in the same way obi-wan was by the humans when he first discovered them and i love trying to distinguish that

#asks #mer au #also i feel like padmé's not especially vicious but like #vicious because of being a mer and being the queen and having all this power and access to pretty things #also i just like writing her sorta crazy cause natalie portman sorta crazy is hot #jk (not really) but women characters can be flawed and still good characters #i feel like there are ebbs and flows in padmé fanon i see where shes a saint or where she's a bitch but a bitch so obikin can be togehter #which basically means a bitch so her actions are all unfounded and mean #but when i write her im always like can i see myself in this situation loving someone the way she loves anakin reacting like this #because she's losing him #and that makes me want to write her as a bitch but like. understandably so. like yeah go for the throat sometimes!!#breakups are messy and shes hurt #(the opposite of bitchy and way off base padme is omniscient angel padme who always knew this day would come and is alright with it)#(which i dislike just as much because she would not take that on the chin and keep walking lmao)#so a more perfect union padme saying that she hates anakin for making her be the one who has to tell him he loves obi-wan #but having to tell him and then asking him to choose her anyway #and then throwing a glass against a wall when he doesn't (amidst a breakdown not pictured in the story)#feels right for me #and mer au padmé spitting mad that obi-wan is interfering with her claim on anakin #so mad that she's like FINE you can marry him but you can ONLY marry him tomorrow #because i know youre both not ready for that #ALSO feels in character for me

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kavehater · 2 months

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I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.

#since when were we friends nor did I have any obligation over you or towards you #we are literally roommates here acting like we’re friends #dora daily #I say this cause I saw yet another younger sibling on tiktok trying to make themselves a victim like the older one is clearly avoiding the #whole family and changing their phone number so u guys don’t contact for a reason like wth did you guys do that’s so bad they would go #through all that trouble #‘older siblings will never understand how doing that affects us physically and mentally’ oh quit whining and cope #I didn’t have an older sibling I relied on only myself heck not even strangers help me when I’m in dire need #I think yall need to cope harder and wake up to the real world #not all younger siblings but a lot of them like my little brother 13yo is good id never want to abandon him but the rest … yeah bye #idgaf you should’ve not been an idiot because believe me ik kids mess up but not like this #and now she’s grovelling at my feet bye grovel harder #like just an hour ago or so she came up to me and was like I’m going to school for the first day are you gonna miss me #I said no because she always tells me no when I ask her if she missed me #and somehow she had the audacity to be upset like okay #the same girl who tells me to move out btw #my mum said oh u have to be her best friend cause if she has nobody here then she will have to rely on strangers #and she would find herself in trouble cause they don’t have good intent oh gee I wonder which person caused me to do that #it’s honestly ironic #like Eris and virtue happened because she couldn’t step up and be a normal mother byeeee #and anyways whyre you acting like having a sibling is essential #it honestly isn’t like why would I be nice to a girl who dogs on me and beats me up and is disrespectful #she’s not that young anymore she’s almost 12 #‘oh they have different personalities’ well i hate hers and im not to be forced to like it either its my right

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lilowoof · 18 days

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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone #you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run #my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point #the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer #why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up #what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation #and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other #that might be fun #also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING #but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion #but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha #ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog #one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art #gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free #ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-

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sga-owns-my-soul · 9 months

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i keep telling myself i don't care that my family isn't talking to me anymore bc i don't like my family

but it's christmas and my mom hasn't even texted me

and now i'm crying on a bus about it

#there's only been a few times i couldn't go home for christmas since i moved away #and every year my mom called me #and she hasn't yet #and maybe it's just because this is the first year they're doing stuff christmas day instead of christmas eve #but #idk i keep telling myself this is good #i've been wanting to go no contact with my family for years #and the only reason i didn't was bc of my cousin #who's been my best friend my entire life #and then she ended our friendship #and no one in my family has talked to me since #and i SHOULD be glad #bc this is what i wanted!!!#it just #it fucking sucks that i'm once again the problem #because i'm always the problem. everything is always my fault #im just so sick of this #why does my family hate me so much #what did i do wrong #i've tried harder than any of them #and im still not ever good enough #god this fucking sucks #my partner isn't even home #so im gonna cry alone tonight #merry christmas to me i guess #fuck #ignore this #personal rambles #my family sucks #not stargate

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purpldawne · 1 month

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actually wait that poll unlocked a fuckin memory and i feel like talking about it so‼️

( not tmi or anything but in case this gets long or you don't wanna read it im putting a page break here LMAO )

ok so on my 18th birthday, my grandparents REALLY wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. i didnt really wanna, but i got to dress up so i said fuck it. this was around when debates over trans women in sports were first brought to the mainstream ( as far i know ) right. so we're sitting there in the restaurant, im eating my cake, and my grandfather starts going off about how they're letting men compete against women and how unfair it is and shit. WHILE WE'RE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY. IN FRONT OF ME. THEIR GNC GRANDCHILD. WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF WITH MASCULINE TERMS EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM. LOUDLY. it's been two years and i STILL can't believe the audacity. like YOU invited ME out to dinner and start talking that shit?? if they weren't family and we weren't in public i would have told em to shut the fuck up

#they STILL talk about this stuff at family gatherings too apparently #i always keep to myself til we leave but my ma has told me they complain about people demanding you use the right pronouns or whatever #and god bless her soul she tried to be like 'actually its not that hard even if you cant tell because you shouldn't assume' and #'if they tell you how to refer to them its just basic human decency to respect that'#no clue how they took it since i wasnt there but they just ended the conversation after that 😭😭#god dont even get me started on my uncle #hes awful and clearly mentally unwell and obviously really old #we have a family friend who had two moms right. they never tried to hide it and didnt really acknowledge it as anything weird. bc it wasnt.#my uncle is the one that introduced us so clearly he knew their mom was gay #and he did #he never said anything about it while we were kids out of fear of making us gay or smth #but at the last family gathering he was updating me on what was going on with them cuz we havent seen em in a while #and he told me that their daughter had apparently gotten a boyfriend #which is great! im really happy for her #but my uncle was like 'yeah i was getting worried because of ( one of her mothers names ) being. . . you know?'#and i was???? flabbergasted?????? esp because of personal things with their parents he was JUST telling me about #this is the same guy who after 20 years STILL cant spell my deadname right. not relevant just still so fucking funny to me #but yeah he laughed when he said it and everything like he was making a funny joke #tbf there is smth so insanely comedic about telling your butch niece you were afraid someone 50 years younger than you liked other women #just because her mom did #crazy shit

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takami-takami · 11 months

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I literally NEED to write Hawks comfort to channel my emotions like I HAVE to but I cannot. I can't, like. You know.

#there's actually a HUGE barrier when it comes to writing angst and comfort in that I would be telling on myself. so it clicks my brain off.#and i cant do it!!!!#theres sooooo many things that are really fucking heavy that i want/need ti write about #but i cant #so i just stick to smut a lot of the time #writing comfort/angst is for me to heal or whatever but a part of the back of my mind is always thinking:#“what will people think about this”#i know im not the only one who has experienced certain things #but its a lot of responsibility to write about those things. because i dont want to trigger anybody #or make anybody feel like im being weird and taking x reader too far #or to garner an audience that expects me to fix their wounds too. i only have enough to lick my own wounds #does this make sense #i hope so #actually i hope it doesnt

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uzu-hime · 1 year

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So like legit how does one make friends when they are

-too adhd for normal people

-too depressed for adhd people

-poor (no money to do things or go places)

-25 on the outside, single mom for 10+ years on the inside

-so so lonely but so so afraid of adding anyone else to the "only want to hang out with me when you need free therapy" group that includes everyone I know

#i want friends #but i don't know how to make them #or where to find them #im too weird for a lot of people and too introverted for others #and for some reason everyone i do befriend always ends up being basically my therapy patient #or they only ever want to hang out on their terms which... don't exist #side eyes my friend who always says 'i miss you guys we should hang out' in the group chat but then turns me down #for her boyfriend every single time i try to make plans #'he works night shift i have to clean during the day' girl are you his girlfriend or his maid??#if you don't want to hang out with me just fucking tell me instead of playing cinderella all the time #my mom says i should get out more and do more things but honestly i live in bumfuck ohio #what things????#rural america is a nightmare for being social if you don't have money and also don't want to hang out at your local high school #i can't even go to the park in town by myself because too many women have been abducted there #im not making this shit up #i just want someone to sing silly songs with me and try on stupid outfits just for fun and go to new restaurants #no one has ever heard of and sit in the woods in silence for a while and maybe take a nap together and compare grov #*grocery lists and just.#why is it so hard #what is wrong with me that the only friends i have only like me sometimes #even my mom who likes me all the time won't even go shopping with me anymore #she's too burnt out from working #maybe it's not me #maybe im just another victim of capitalist america's isolation #even then i don't know what to do about it. my cat helps but im still just. lonely.#im tired of being lonely #vent post #ignore me

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whoblewboobear · 5 months

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Knowing that I have to go home after an 8-hour shift at the job I hate to force myself to deep clean the depression nest my room has become while neck deep in the same depressive episode for the past 3 months on top of chronic pain makes me wanna scream like can I just smoke weed and sleep on the couch instead pls?

#tw mental health #personal #idk how to tag this #I’m doin BAD #like- I think I’ve run into that gifted kid thing where it’s like yeah I was told I was good at this and then growing up and realizing I #never developed the skill beyond childhood but instead of gifted kid syndrome it’s high functioning depression #like I hit my 20s and I can’t high function my way through this shit anymore #I don’t know how and that makes it worse bc I’m looking back on teen me who could pretend for days and power through #now I’m just- a depressive episode hits and I just.. everything stops y’know?#im so tired and overwhelmed and I just don’t know where to start to even dig myself out of it #I’m self soothing to the point of it being harmful #if I don’t think about how bad it is and instead focus on whatever interest it feels better #my therapist has been out sick for almost 2 months now and I’m worried about her but we work so well together that I don’t wanna find #someone new and start all over again #I just..#I tried telling my family I’m struggling and my mom told me to pray about it so it’s like okay I’m just alone to deal with this like I #always do but I’m just.. I’m not doing well enough to be able to handle this on my own and no one is listening when I say that #I’m not going to do anything but I can’t pretend the s*ic*d*l thought aren’t at the front of my mind #every single problem I have would disappear for me if I wasn’t here and that’s bitter sweet because I want to see this life through #depression #mental health #struggling with depression #major depressive disorder

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genekies · 8 months

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screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

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476b · 10 months

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#ooouuuugghhhhhhh ive spend the last hour making myself sad :(#whyd i have to go catch feelings for someone who Could Not Give A Shit lol #its a blessing that im moving or i would probably just slowly kill myself for the next year #watching him Very Obviously like someone more than me lol #worst part is everyone knows im just some sadsack sidepiece #and like we were never 'together' so idk wtf im upset about!!!#i could go out and do just as much as he does!!!#but i guess i just wish it had been different and that i had gotten closer w everyone else before i had to leave :(#because now i really feel like i could have been spending way more time w everyone if i had stopped waiting for him to invite me to things #he never invited me to shit anyways!! i was ALWAYS the one to ask 'hey are you free sometime'#EVERY SINGLE TIME #killing him with hammers in my mind #i deserve so much better and i KNOW that but hes hot and smart and has such cool friends #and i just really wanted to be part of that group so badly #and i dont have any relationship expirience i dont know how all of this is supposed to Work i just #i dont know i guess i thought it would be different #anyways im seeing him again tomorrow for what might be the last time #and i wont tell him any of the things i should bc ill see his stupid beautiful face and forget everything i wanted to say #you know this mother fucker wont even help me move? more than an entire year together and he flat out says no to helping me #and i know for a Fact he'll never come visit me #and ill probably drive my stupid little ass down two+ hours just to see him #you know hes got at least two guys willing to drive hours just for him #i need to meet this other guy so we can unionize #cus i guarenteeeee hes probably treating this guy not much better than me #and i say probably the last time bc now itll be reliant on him actually making a fucking effort to see me lol #or itll just be at shows and stuff #not like itll make a big difference cus we onky saw each other once or twice a month ANYWAYS #actually makes me so angry why did i spend so much mental energy on this guy #ILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALBANY WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME JUST YOU GUYS WAIT #btw if i know you irl... ignore this... its shameful...

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dirt-str1der · 2 years

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Trans kiryu is a genuinely funny hc because like trans majima is like oohh angst ohh she has to fight to be accepted she has to deal with people making fun of her for being a man in a dress she has to take into account her position and social standing and kiryu is literally just kiryu forever because the universe loves him too much to ever force him into a situation unless its to go to prison in which case hes like yayyy i love jail yayy yayyy

#Yakzua loveblog #im just talking to myself you guys dont need to read anything #in fact dont read this im going to talk about transphobic nishiki again anyway #my transphobic nishiki hc is the most important one to me because. like we all need to have some transphobic people in our lives #i do think that nishiki calls him ‘kiryu’ even though theyre best friends forever because when nishiki will always accidentally say his #deadname instead of ‘kazuma’ even though i know that nishiki is literally the one who gave him the name kazuma to make fun of kiryu for #thinking hes a boy and it just kind of stuck but nishiki eventually stuck. with calling him kiryu because thats how he prefers to be called #they are bestfriends for a reason .... and nishiki is the only one kiryu will let be transphobic towards him because theyve known each other #for forever and he knows he means no harm by it like he will still hit him but nishiki takes it in stride because its their thing and its #never not funny to make kiryu annoyed like for anyone else its an uncrossable line but once a month nishiki will lead kiryu into the womens #section to shop for new clothes and kiryus like Somehow i always knew you wore womens jeans and nishikis like HEY !!!!#but as kids they were always very cute because theyre always together and you can never really tell whos following who because it seems like #theyre on the same wavelength until nishiki realises that life is so much easier when youre working smart so he went to work on his INT stat #while kiryu never stopped being a wild animal like hes literally some sort of monkey to me sorry for dehumanising him because of his autism #like i adore his ‘own little bubble’ way of life as long as he’s physically okay kiryus not going to complain about anything. like when he #said ‘i decide to do things based on whether i love it or hate it’ im like Yeah i bet you do. he sits outside the orphanage all day playing #with rocks until nishiki comes finds him then they both go outside to smash open windows with the rocks kiryu has gathered and kiryus in his #little skirt and he always uses it to carry things in you know how it is and he stopped going to school to be a bigger menace than everyone #anyway did i mention that the universe loves kiryu. especially his genes he was very lucky because he never had a big chest or nothing he #was always going to get tall and thick in the shoulders and beefy and when he cut his hair it just sealed the deal he passed with flying #colours like young children are indistinguishable by gender unless they have a big pink bow in their hair but kiryu radiated masculinity #from a young age and his aggressive way of life didnt help. well it helped a lot actually. a lot of people were scared of him and nishikis #like dont be scared of kiryu shes nice when you get to know her and everyones like ?? thats a girl ???#in fact it made more sense for kiryu to be a boy at that point so he went to kazama and told him and kazama was like ok lets make it happen #like kiryu and nishiki are so special because there is nobody in the universe more transphobic to kiryu than his own brother but also nishik #was the one helping kiryu shop for boy clothes when he was clueless about it like hes not stupid but he really doesnt know about fashion and #he trusts nishiki to not make him look stupid and nishiki is of course like 😏 well well well youre having a girl moment arent you #nishiki is okay with kiryu being a guy because this means that now whenever kiryu hits him he can fight back without being misogynistic #okay im done talking my noodles are getting cold but kiryu as a kid would have been a veritable nightmare #oh yeah my trans beam extended to nishitani as well because just look at him. everybody majima wants to sex is trans

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dr-gaytorius · 1 year

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so when i was a teen i was like, very alt, very punk, like eyeball-deep in the local music scene (this would continue for the next decade), i was NOT a scholar by any stretch and quite frankly hated academics. and my friend introduced me to this band and it ended up being one of my favorites for years.

well i was talking to my friend who's into a bad that was big back in that day and i was like ahhh yes.... i remember those days.... neon and crust and studded leather.... and i listed off some bands, and remembered that one i had liked for so long. i went and looked it up and spotted the album i remembered the most, and gave it a listen and well

it would seem ive always been this way. apparently

#the older i get the more i realize that my life has been this strange paradoxical orobouros of self #one day i decided i would stop moulding myself to other's likings bc dulling my edges only helped those ppl hurt me #thus re-embracing a part of myself i'd learned to be ashamed of. and it was incredibly liberating #and then i realized it was my destiny to be a mortician #and i was sooooooooo afraid to tell ppl bc i was sure they'd be weirded out #but every person i told was like OHHHHH ok yes that makes complete sense. that's perfect #and the more i thought about it the more i was astonished it had taken me so long to figure that out lol #and realizing that i really am by nature a scientist has been really liberating too. i hate that my class bracket prevented me from #discovering that bc i was working all the time for a decade and had no time to explore myself or my interests or anything #and i honestly always thought i was stupid.... because of other people lol #and once i let go of other people's treatment of me as the lens through which i view myself #i realized #oh.... i'm a scary and smart little freak. huh #and i started living true-to-myself and it's been super fun and rewarding and ive never been happier #but like... i kept thinking. wow who could have ever seen this coming! this must seem like such a stark turn for the outside eye #like now that i finally recognize myself... others probably dont #and then i revisited this band and went #ah #no #im just oblivious #ive literally always been like that. even when i didn't know what it was or what it was like. just completely blind to a destiny that is no #SO crystal clear that it's changed how i see the world and myself and the way i live #crazy

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