#because nothing bad would have actually happened because of his powers

[figsandphiltatos]

i'm a waste of a woman, but i taste like success

read it on ao3 here!

Story: i'm a waste of a woman, but i taste like success

Chapter: 1/1

Characters: Kipperlilly Copperkettle, Lucy Frostblade, Ruben Hopclap, Mary Ann Skuttle, Ivy Embra, Oisin Hakinvar

Summary:

Kipperlilly Copperkettle has never been great with people. She's worse with friends. Forming an adventuring party is like making friends, but with greater stakes and far less time to consider your options. But, it's also a kind of friend making that has structure. And Kipperlilly can work with structure. -- Inspired by these comments by Brennan Lee Mulligan about Kipperlilly and the formation of the High Five Heroes: "There's an indication there of Kipperlilly's focus because yeah, the High-Five Heroes is sweet, but it's also sort of a indication that Kipperlilly is pushing them towards, for lack of a better word, do we have something that we're about? The Bad Kids get their name because they've all been given detention on the first day and it's connected to their story. Whereas you get the sense from the High-Five Heroes that it's not actually describing anything. It's like the person being like, "Our inside joke is going to be high-fives." And you're like, "Well, everyone high-fives." So there's an indication there, for me at least, that Kipperlily is trying to make a comradery right away that is not actually there. It's not based in something that happened to them."

The lunchroom of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy was bustling with excited freshmen. Students shouted across the large space to friends they recognized, throngs of already-formed cliques chittered with exclusive excitement, and groupings of sorcerers and bards scoped out potential parties that still needed their skill sets. Technically, the formation of adventuring parties wasn’t meant to begin until after lunch, but it was immediately clear that those who waited were most likely to be left out. 

A group of kids who clearly all fit the stoner archetype had already gathered around a table, swapping bags of chips and chatting eagerly about systems of control. A few kids hung nervously around the edges of the cafeteria, some on their crystals and others fidgeting nervously as they watched the ruthless game of high school socialization play out in front of them. 

There were a few tables with lone freshmen, either texting friends or digging into their food with little care for the scarcity of resources that were friends and party members. Kipperlilly was one such student, but she had her eyes on the prize. She unwrapped the lunch she had carefully packed for herself, and laid out her bullet journal to review her color coded notes while she waited for Lucy. 

She hadn’t discussed the plan explicitly with her best friend before their first day—and there was nothing Kipperlilly hated more than not having a plan nailed down—but she had faith in Lucy. She would know that they belonged in a party together, naturally. From there, it would just be a matter of constructing the perfect party around them. That would hardly be a challenge when she’d been planning this out for months. She knew exactly the kinds of party members they would need, and had started her scouting early.

A powerful wizard could make or break a party, and Oisin Hakinvar was a perfect candidate. He had gone with them to Oakshield Middle, though they’d never spoken before. Once, in seventh grade, Kipperlilly had watched him give a presentation on his proud dragon heritage—the exact kind of thing that made a great adventurer.

She had a few ideas for fighters and barbarians, but she’d already watched Nixie Humphries, a human fighter she’d had her eye on, and Fog Marrowthirst, a transfer half-orc barbarian, get snatched up by other adventuring parties. She carefully marked them from her list, bouncing her leg impatiently under the table. She looked up from her notes and craned her neck to look for Lucy when a small, kobold girl with an ax strapped to her back sat down at the table several seats away. 

Kipperlilly’s grip tightened on her red pen, but she breathed out slowly through her nose just like the counselor at Oakshield had always suggested she try. Things were not going according to plan, but that didn’t mean all hope was lost. 

“I’m saving these seats for my friends, actually.” She flashed an approximation of a friendly smile across the table.

The kobold girl didn’t look up from her device—It wasn’t a crystal, but some kind of childish looking handheld game. Without taking her eyes off of it, the girl reached around to grab a soda out of the pocket of her backpack.

Kipperlilly cleared her throat. “Excuse me?” She said, a bit louder. “I’m waiting for my friends to sit here with me.” 

Her future friends, that was. Her adventuring party that she would save the world with time and again. For now, they’d just be getting to know each other, but why waste time with half measures? Their lives would be in each other’s hands. They would share in their glory for the rest of their careers. They would be friends, closer than they could imagine eventually. Calling them anything other than friends felt like a slight against that eventual bond. 

It was like the kobold girl wasn’t hearing her at all. Kipperlilly set down her red pen and stood—

“Kip!” Lucy called as she approached. She was dressed in one of her favorite cable knit sweaters, one that she’d only recently reclaimed from Kipperlilly’s theft, and was carrying her tray of creamed corn and cafeteria food. 

Keeping pace next to her was Ruben Hopclap. He was wearing cargo shorts and flip flops, smiling in a way that Kipperlilly could only interpret as smug. 

“Sorry, Ruben and I got held up in the lunch line,” Lucy slid into the seat across from her. She knew Kipperlilly well enough to know that she was brimming with impatience before more than a word had passed between them. “You want to be in our adventuring party, right? I’m so excited!” 

Our adventuring party. As in, Lucy and Ruben’s adventuring party. Heat rose to Kipperlilly’s face. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all. It was meant to be our party as in, her and Lucy’s party. Lucy was meant to come find her first. Lunch line or no, why had she sought out Ruben first? 

Hot, angry tears closed up the back of her throat but before they could start to prick at her eyes, Kipperlilly inhaled sharply through her nose. Steadily and slowly inwards, hold, then breathe out at the same pace. She dug her fingernails into her palm under the table for good measure. 

“Yeah, of course.” Now wasn’t the time to pick a fight, even if she’d picked fights over less before. She had to keep her eye on the goal. “Just, forget my plan, I guess.” She muttered, unable to help herself, and marked a large, red ‘x’ over the names of potential bard candidates for their party. Ruben’s name hadn’t been listed there. 

She should have discussed this all with Lucy beforehand. She knew it.

Lucy’s brows pinched together in concern and Ruben huffed out an incredulous breath. They were both familiar with her moods.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a plan.” Lucy reached across the table tentatively, resting a cold hand on Kipperlilly’s. “Can I see the rest? I’m sure you’ve got good ideas.” 

Always patient. It wasn’t fair. Sometimes, Kipperlilly could manage to goad Lucy into a fight but it was a vanishingly rare thing the older they got. Something about it made the molten rock in her chest feel heavier. 

“Yeah, I had some ideas for who we could ask.” She said, reminding herself that self-pity needed to take a back seat to accomplishing her goal. She’d worked hard to convince her parents to let her attend Aguefort. She’d created a comprehensive, data-backed presentation about the benefits this school could offer that Mumple couldn’t in the first semester of her eighth grade year. A vital part of proving herself right was forming the ideal party. As much as she might have liked to sulk until Lucy had no choice but to admit that she’d been wrong for not seeking her out first, now wasn’t the time.

“Great!” Lucy smiled, pulling the bullet journal toward herself. 

Her eyes were such a deep blue that it was hard to tell their color in some lighting, but under the fluorescent cafeteria lights they were easy to see as she turned her careful attention to the pages in front of her. Her focus was always steady and intentional. At sleepovers and study groups, Kipperlilly would often get distracted just watching her read. 

“Why are these names crossed out?” She asked, pointing with a long finger to Fog and Nixie’s names. 

“They already have a party.”

The corners of Lucy’s lips crept upwards in a soft, amused smile. She looked up from the list and carefully scanned the cafeteria before her eyes landed on the kobold girl sitting only a few seats away.

“Oh, I’m sorry for ignoring you,” She said, “I’m Lucy Frostblade, what’s your name?” 

The girl still didn’t look up from her game. Watching Lucy get rebuffed was almost enough to make Kipperlilly properly lose her cool, but Ruben suddenly leaned forward to get a better look.

“Is that a Quokki Pet?” He asked. 

Finally, the girl’s head rose. She regarded Ruben with mild interest. “Do you play?”

“I used to have one in middle school, but a teacher took it. My parents wouldn’t buy me a new one.” Now that he mentioned it, Kipperlilly remembered the small handheld game Ruben had clung to for a few months in seventh grade. 

He’d been caught checking it during math class and it was confiscated by Mrs. Nikothoe, who even Kipperlilly had to admit was a nightmare of a woman. While she probably couldn’t be blamed for taking away a distraction from a student, she hadn’t even liked Kipperlilly despite all her efforts. So for once she and Ruben had come down on the same side of an issue. It had been a refreshing change of pace, even if it had only lasted an afternoon. 

“Lame.” The girl responded shortly and her attention started to turn back toward her game. 

Lucy was quick on the draw, though, “You have an ax! Are you a barbarian?” 

“Yes.” Mary Ann seemed slightly bothered by the continued distraction, but humored them for now.

Kipperlilly could see where this was going and very much didn’t like it. She tried to signal Lucy to stop, tapping on the bullet journal that was still in front of her. Sure, her first choices were off the table but there had to be better choices than this girl.

“We’re looking for a barbarian for our party. Do you want to join?” 

The kobold girl looked between the three of them for a moment. Kipperlilly stared back and tried to imagine her going into a rage—tried to imagine what good a two foot tall barbarian could possibly be. She just prayed that they’d be rejected.

“Sure.” No such luck. “I’m Mary Ann.” And with that, her attention was back on that stupid Quokki game. 

“I’m Ruben!” 

“Didn’t ask.”

Kipperlilly was staring at Lucy in disbelief when their eyes met again. What was she thinking? This was a disaster. “We need to find Oisin Hakinvar.” She said, gathering up her things. There was no time to waste. She couldn’t possibly let this go any worse than it already had. 

“Oisin? From Oakshield?” Lucy asked.

“I haven’t finished my creamed corn!” Ruben complained through a mouth full of the stuff. Kipperlilly shot him a dangerous glare. He did not want to get in her way right now.

Lucy rushed to catch up with Kipperlilly as she shoved her things in her bag and made a beeline out of the cafeteria. Oisin may very well have already been out on the quad, where there was an even more concentrated focus on forming parties. It might have been too late. 

“Kip, calm down,” Lucy insisted as they pushed through the front doors of the school together. Ruben and Mary Ann trailed somewhere behind them, the latter with her nose still stuck in her game. “It’ll all work out. There’s no rush.” 

But that just wasn’t true. Kipperlilly didn’t have time to argue the point. Stepping onto the school’s quad, she took careful stock of everyone there. Some girls had gathered around one of the many statues of Arthur Aguefort and were giggling to themselves. A few students had gathered around to watch an elven boy show off his magical prowess. Kipperlilly had to dash through his prestidigitation sparks when she spotted a blue, scaly head behind the base of a nearby statue. 

Lucy followed after her, apologizing to the elf as she passed. Kipperlilly came to stand in front of Oisin Hakinvar. He was sitting at the base of a statue, eating his lunch with a vaguely familiar wood elf girl. If he had a party already, they were nowhere to be seen. He looked up from his food, pushing up his glasses and frowning thoughtfully at the halfling in front of him.

“Can I help you with something?” He asked.

“Yes,” As she spoke, Lucy and the others caught up behind her. “I’m Kipperlilly Copperkettle. We went to middle school together. I’d like you to be the wizard in our adventuring party.” 

“I’m Lucy Frostblade,” Lucy jumped in when Oisin’s hesitation dragged on for a beat too long. “We had history class together last year. I know this is kind of a lot, but you’re really impressive! And we’ve got enough room still for you to join, too, Ivy. Are you a ranger?”

The wood elf girl, Ivy—Kipperlilly noted the shortcomings in her research that she didn’t realize Oisin had someone he wouldn’t join a party without—regarded Lucy with a carefully controlled expression. “Yeah, I am.”

“That’s perfect! I don’t think any of us here are super well versed in the natural world, so you’d be a great help.” Lucy offered a friendly smile, a real one, and Ivy and Oisin exchanged glances. 

“Okay, so you all want us, but why should we want to join you?” He asked after a moment. 

He was considering it. This was good. Kipperlilly could work with this. “We’re impressive in our own right! I’m a rogue, and one day I’ll be the greatest mastermind Spyre has ever seen. I was in student government in middle school; I was the president of four clubs, and the creator of two of those. I’ve never gotten a grade worse than a B in my life. If you stick with me, you don’t have to worry about failing.” And I’d be the perfect leader, was what she didn't say. “And Lucy is a prodigious cleric of Ruvina. She’s worked some serious miracles—”

“I’ll keep you alive.” Lucy interrupted sheepishly. She wasn’t one for bragging, even if Kipperlilly thought she should have been. “That’s what you really want to hear from a cleric, isn’t it? And this is Ruben, he’s a bard and a genuinely talented musician.”

Ruben flashed a proud grin. “I’ve already figured out how to cast healing word, so you doubly won’t die if you stick with us.” He had no problem bragging.

“And this is Mary Ann, we just met but—”

Mary Ann pulled her ax from her back with the hand that wasn’t holding her game. She dropped it into the soft ground with a satisfying thud. “I’m a barbarian.” 

“She’s a barbarian.” Lucy repeated with a grin. 

“Nice elevator pitch. Did you practice it?” Ivy asked, and Kipperlilly honestly couldn’t say if she was intentionally being snarky or not. 

“Doubly not dying is a pretty tempting offer,” Oisin admitted. “One of my friends in middle school was a worshiper of Ruvina,” he addressed Lucy directly, “Pretty cool stuff—No pun intended.” 

Lucy laughed, “Pun appreciated, intentional or not. So, what do you say?”

Again, Oisin and Ivy exchanged some kind of silent communication—Kipperlilly wondered if it was a message spell, or if they really did just have a knack for understanding one another—before either of them spoke. 

“Sounds like a plan. Makes it easier that you guys already have all the other members figured out, too.” 

Ivy joining the team hadn’t been the plan, either. But Lucy was right that a ranger would be helpful and, even if she seemed mean, she had to be better than Ruben or Mary Ann. A small weight lifted off Kipperlilly’s shoulders as she realized she’d succeeded, at least in her first goal of the day. 

She grinned, mostly because she was relieved that this was done, and quickly held up her hand for Lucy to high five. She owed her shared credit, especially for winning Oisin over, even if the improvisation with Mary Ann had been unwelcome.

With a satisfying smack, their hands collided, and Kipperlilly carried on down the line. Ruben seemed confused, but returned her high five nonetheless. Ivy and Oisin seemed equally amused by the offer, but played along. Mary Ann, who was focused entirely on her game, didn’t even look up to see Kipperlilly’s hand hovering in front of her. Kipperlilly paused, and waited, but felt the awkward tension growing the longer she did, and eventually dropped her hand. 

“Look at that! We can call ourselves the High-Five Heroes!” She chimed, trying to power through the way Mary Ann’s snub had robbed her of some of her momentum. She’d prepared for this moment, planned out the name.

It had to land. 

Kipperlilly had never been great with making friends in the past. Lucy was her best friend mostly because Lucy was a wonderful presence and brought joy and light to her life, but there was certainly an element of the fact that Lucy was her only friend, too. Adventuring parties were all best friends. They were bound by blood and trauma and life debts. This was the perfect opportunity for her to finally get things right. And she intended to; She had meticulously planned exactly how she would.

An awkward silence fell over the group. Ivy looked at Oisin with raised eyebrows and Kipperlilly tried desperately to read into the expression. Maybe awkward was the wrong word, maybe it was awed? She fidgeted aimlessly with her hands, feeling the way sweat collected on her palms. 

“Everybody high fives.” Ruben scoffed and Kipperlilly felt her heart drop. This was exactly why he couldn’t be here. He was going to ruin it all, and just to piss her off. 

She silently worked her jaw for a moment, trying to grind out any combination of words that would salvage this.

“I think it’s cool!” Lucy came to her rescue, as always. “We’re going to be heroes!”

It seemed that, at the very least, that was a sentiment they could all get behind. Her suggestion might not have been met with the enthusiasm she’d prefer, but Kipperlilly relished her accomplishment as each member of the group signaled their approval. The High Five Heroes weren’t only going to be heroes, they wouldn’t just be friends—they’d be great. She could feel it.

[the-magpie-collective]

[Part 2/3]: Let's drink the Styx down to the last drop

Part 1

And that brings us to Part II, or why it seems trivial to escape a pact even when the game tells us otherwise.

We come to the second time we are directly quoted Wyll's pact:

Clause A, Section Two: 'Should soul-holder choose to abandon his patron, he is freed from his duty. His father, Grand Duke Ulder Ravengard, will be thus fated to die by an enemy's hand.'

Now Wyll's father dying as consequence of Wyll not fulfilling his pact is narrative horseshit. The only thing Wyll signed away with the pact was his soul. Wyll doesn't have the power to sign away his father's life. If it was that easy to guarantee someone's death every devil would be adding on nonsense clauses: 'Such and such person I dislike is fated to die tomorrow'. If devils' pacts actually had that power, hell would have already won. It makes no sense.

So let's say Ulder Ravengard is fated to die and Mizora just so happens to know this and it has nothing to do with Wyll's pact. Wyll doesn't need know that it has nothing to do with the pact and well, Mizora is petty enough it's believable that she would expend power to ensure Ulder's death happens by her hand so that Wyll feels personally responsible. But the way this clause is introduced in the game makes no sense.

The player frees Mizora in exchange for breaking his pact and Mizora rewards Wyll with a weapon and saunters off la-di-di-da. What? I don't know about you, but I was left sitting there thinking I had made a mistake in choosing my dialogue options and she was using some bullshit 'well Tav saved me so I don't actually have to free Wyll from his pact' cop-out. But no, they just have Mizora show up later to free Wyll from his pact because reasons?

Oh wait it's so they can railroad the player.

The main reason why BG3 works so well as a game is the illusion of choice and for Wyll's entire storyline this simply does not exist. Wyll is the only character who is not allowed to make his own choice at the climax of his story. 

The only way to save Wyll's father is by getting several specific cutscenes in a specific order. I had to redo the Iron throne so many times not because it was difficult but because I kept missing a goddamn cutscene. The player can't save Ulder Ravengard in the Grand Hall when he crowns Gortash even though nonlethal damage is introduced right at the beginning of the game and is used in exactly this way to save Minsc. Ulder Ravengard is just magically dead if you don't talk to Mizora twice before going to the iron throne. And none of this makes sense with what we have been told are the rules of how this game works.

So they use that bullshit pact clause to smooth over their shoddy story writing.

Now I understand that the reason why they did this was to make saving Wyll's father difficult, but come on. If you know anything about game design you know that forcing your player to follow a strict series of easy to miss steps in order to succeed is just bad game design. There are better ways to increase a scenarios difficulty. There's a reason why Larian didn't look at Honor Mode and go 'I know what would make this harder, if they don't talk to specific people in a specific order everyone in the Grove just dies for no reason :)'.

And fixing this wouldn't even be that hard. You have Wyll free Mizora and she rewards him with the rapier and then immediately call her sisters from hell and break his pact as promised. There's no reason why the six month clause* should prevent the pact from being broken then and there. It's not like she waits six months to let Wyll break it anyways. And then on the way out she can go, 'oh, I forgot to mention. Remember that clause that says your father is fated to die if you break your pact? Whoopsie. Toodaloo.' It would hit all the harder when Wyll watches the three BBEGs tadpole Ulder because he could be left wondering: is this my fault?

(*this is another bullshit clause that they never actually do anything with so I don't know why they even bothered to put it in.)

And then the player arrives at Baldur's Gate and sees Ulder standing at Gortash's side. Give the Player the opportunity to save him then and there. We already know it will be a hard fight between the Steel Watch and everyone else. There will be plenty of opportunities where Ulder could accidentally get killed, but having him just die no matter what is stupid. Mizora can still come around and threaten Ulder's life and give Wyll the opportunity to remedy things by re-sealing his pact. I mean there's already a bunch of bullshit clauses, what's one more that states something along the lines of 'If soul-holder agrees to re-sign the original pact within three tendays after choosing to abandon his patron, all consequences as a result of abandoning his patron are null and void'. And hey, if Wyll refuses, I know I wouldn't be complaining about it triggering a fight with Mizora. Anything that gives me an opportunity to actually get rid of her.

Or let's say the player listens to Wyll and doesn't attack Gortash and Ulder in the Grand Hall. Now, because Mizora has already stated that Ulder will die the player has a reason to confront Mizora when they see her standing on the bridge outside of Wyrm's Rock. And this is where things can stay the same, Mizora can dangle the hope of rescuing Wyll's father over his head and offer to provide information as to where Gortash is keeping him.

And if the player still doesn't talk to Mizora, then just keep the confrontation in the iron throne. Maybe add in an extra line of dialogue on Mizora's part, that she would have offered to help if they had come to her but now she's here to kill Ulder instead.

These are minor changes that offer the player the illusion of choice. A few changes and the player isn't required to do anything in a specific and arbitrary order just to save Ulder Ravengard. It doesn't entirely fix the issues with the writing around Mizora's Pact, but by the gods the way they have it currently in the game makes my teeth itch. It takes all of the tension and fear around the pact and just turns it into frustration because the consequence of Ulder dying does not fit with everything that has been outlined as the rules for the player so far. Why go to such lengths to make BG3 feel as close to an actually D&D campaign as they can, only to remove any freedom of choice when it comes to Wyll's story?

But wait, there's more.

Part 3

[jamoncitofail]

Saiki has narcolepsy because I said so

[torgawl]

when will genshin give us any sort of information on the underground intelligence network? we don't even have a name for it... GIVE US A CRUMB. A SINGLE ONE, I BEG.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Was trying to design a telepathic alien child that is the embodiment of ‘kills you with my mind’ - and I succeeded! So here’s my daughter, Jeepers!

Alt Color(?)

[inkskinned]

no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

[rowarn]

everyone stop what you're doing i just had an idea of simon who likes to edge himself.....omg....

afab!reader, no prns, edging obvi, ruined orgasm, simon being selfish <3 not edited oof

when he's fucking you, hips pumping in a rhythm that basically melts your brain. he's got you pinned beneath him in a press, legs spread obscenely wide so your knees are against the bed. he's got you stuck there under his massive weight. you can't do anything but stare up at him with wide eyes as he fucks you.

he looks so good above you, muscles flexing with every movement and his dark eyes lidded with pleasure that he's getting from working his fat cock into your dripping little cunt.

"fuck, that's good," he groans, blunt nails biting into the tender skin under your thighs, "feels so fuckin' good 'round me, love."

you clench around him at the sound of his voice and the corner of his lips twitches up at the blatant, shameless reaction you have to him. he brings one hand up to his mouth, meeting your eyes in a heated stare as he licks the pad of his thumb, quickly bringing it down to press against your swollen clit -- twitchy and sensitive from neglect since he'd just settled for fucking you so far.

"you gettin' close?" he practically coos, making you whimper. the sound goes straight to his cock and god, he loves the sounds you make, "yeah, i know, pretty thing...i treat you real good, don't i?"

you're tightening up around him and he practically feels the breath punch out of his lungs. you're getting close; he's learned all your tells by now. the way your back arches and your mouth open as you whimper his name. you get wetter and wetter, gooey cunt making a nice little mess for him to fuck into. it makes lewd, squelching noises as he sinks balls deep with a slow roll of his hips.

"s-so close, simon!" you cry out, blindly reaching your hands down to press against his hips.

you always do that -- it's adorable. you actually think that'll stop him from sinking deep, deep inside. his cock knocks against your back well, the little pang of pain making your body twitch. usually, he bats your hands away just to be mean and watch you whine. you really think your trembling hands would be enough to stop the powerful movements of his hips.

he's close to his own end. his cock throbs the closer he gets with every deep thrust he gives you. both of you racing to your ends -- it would be so sweet to cum together, he thinks.

but he knows that's not going to happen.

it's his favorite thing to do. he just can't explain what it is he loves about it.

just when his orgasm starts to crest he pulls his cock free from the hot clutch of your cunt. he feels a little bad, he knows you had just fallen over the edge as he did -- leaving you nothing to cum around, little pussy clenching and cumming all empty and no pleasure from it. a sob tears free from your chest and the sound goes straight to his cock. you squirm under his weight as he watches his own cock twitch against your drooling cunt from his own denial, willing himself not to cum untouched at the sight of you cryin' for him. he closes his eyes and waits for his orgasm to wane before he looks at you again.

"simon..." you practically wail in despair, drawing his gaze up to your face. and fuck, you're so sweet for him.

your eyes are teary and he clicks his tongue, "sorry, love...that was mean of me, huh?"

you nod your head, pouting up at him. despite the ruined orgasm, you're still sensitive enough to twitch beneath him when he sinks his cock back into you with a swift grind of his hips.

"let me make it up to you, yeah?"

your sweet, trusting eyes makes his heart melt and he almost feels bad. almost.

because he knows for the rest of the night, he's going to be edging himself using your pretty little pussy until he finally decides he's ready to cum. and he's not going to care if you actually properly cum or not, because this is gonna be about him using you.

by the end of the night, his cocks so hard that it fucking hurts. he'd edged himself more times than he could count, the more he did the less time he got in between. he started simply dipping his length into you and pulling it right back out, eyes rolling at the sticky strings that connected the head to your clenching hole.

"please, simon...please, please, please..." you're breathlessly begging. he has no clue if you'd even properly cum the entire night, he had practically entered a trance and become a mindless beast thinking only with his cock. theres tears on your cheeks, dried and new and the sight is so lovely that he wants to take a picture and keep it on him at all times.

he finally takes mercy, however. your pretty little clit is so swollen and he just has to press his fingers against it. it's so sensitive that you almost immediately start cumming -- this time around his cock, he makes sure of it.

you pull him over the edge with you, letting him dump a nice, hot load into your pussy while you cum nice and hard around him.

when you sag into the bed and sniffle, cutely reaching out for a hug, he can't help but press a kiss against your forehead <3

[boxingcleverrr]

Popular Hades & Persephone "retellings" are, rightly, getting dunked on all over the socials right now and, as a Pagan who has an altar to the Queen, I could not be happier. But also, I feel like a lot of people miss WHY they're bad - aside from just plain bad writing and lazy tropes. Which are, yeah, also REALLY bad.

Pretty much all retellings try to wave away, or excuse, or twist the whole kidnapping bit. And I actually do have sympathy and understanding for why, when speaking from a modern perspective.

But honestly...you gotta get over it. There are other stories to play fix-it with, not this one.

The Abduction is The Thing.

Were I a little more sober I could bring up chapter and verse of the Hymn to Demeter but frankly, if you know even the middle school mythology curriculum version of the story, you SHOULD know the themes. The story of Persephone was one mothers and daughters in the ancient world held dear, because it was a reality: you will, one day, be swept away from your home to go cleave to a man you most likely know nothing about. You will miss your mother, but chances are very good that he will be a good husband, once you get to know him, certainly better than Zeus or Ares, and he will make you a queen of his home.

Leaving home to marry was often scary, and violent (look up the history of the tradition of Bridesmaids, if you don't already know it - they were originally decoys on the marriage road). Centuries later we'd have tales like Beauty & The Beast serving the same function: comfort, hope, you are leaving your safe loving home to figure life out with a (often older, powerful) stranger. Your trauma over this sudden ending of your childhood made manifest in a Beast, or a God of The Underworld.

It's wonderful that we don't NEED stories like this anymore to comfort us (here, at least, in this culture). But if you try to force them into modern vernacular it just will not work, not really, because you're gutting out the whole point just to have a more tidy romantic male hero.

I have read MANY very good ...novelizations? fanfic(? however you would frame them, but they're certainly not "retellings"), etc. that simply take advantage of the blank spaces in the myth, and there are many!

It's not explicit that sexual assault happens - "The Rape of Persephone" as a title was coined in much earlier eras, when the word was just as often used to simply refer to abduction.

"She was starving!" the gods didn't need to eat. So it's easy to read her eating the Pom seeds as a deliberate choice on her part. Like, shit, people, scholars have written whole papers on the symbolism of this moment, between marriage rites and even yeah, Seph choosing both worlds with her husband's knowing consent.

And that, I think, is the real heart of the thing. People want an utterly mundane, spelled-out story here, as opposed to what it really is, has always been, just like any other myth or religious parable: IT'S A METAPHOOOOOOR.

They don't need to be destined, or meet at a goddamned BALL and then CONSPIRE to fake her kidnapping, or shit, I once saw one where Hades got MIND CONTROLLED by Zeus?! Jesus.

Persephone was yoinked into the Underworld against her will.

That's how it went.

I don't mean this in a "stay out of my belief system!" way, shit I'm a white American chick with delusions of witchery. I mean this in a "stop stressing yourself out trying to make things palatable" way:

This is a very real, very precious myth to many people, BECAUSE for at least that one event, Persephone had no autonomy, BECAUSE for thousands of years most women had no autonomy. Erasing that, sanitizing the fact that a girl is ripped out of the spring, from her mother's arms, is erasing the thing that gave comfort to women for centuries. And people can and should still find power and healing in it now!

Fill in the blanks the story leaves in whatever manner seems fit to you, there's plenty of room, but. Come the fuck on.

[ghost-with-a-teacup]

You know how in the movie, Miles mom gets angry when he says, ‘whatever’ can you do that with latina!wife for Miguel?

𝐘𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Wife!Reader

Summary: Miguel hasn't had a proper night's rest in days, and quite frankly you missed him. Too bad he's too swamped with work to notice.

Warnings: None! Just a silly lil fic.

⚝

You know those days where you’re just teetering on the edge? It could be for absolutely no reason at all, or maybe a collection of things, all you knew was that it just makes every action you take frustrating.

Well, that was you today.

Granted it wasn’t for no reason. Yesterday, Miguel had promised to come back home for dinner and sleep in his own bed, because for the last few days he had been swamped with work and mission reports. You understood the work he did was important, truly, but you missed him. That, and he was a chronic overworker who would only stop when he collapsed from exhaustion, and you were not going to let it get to that point.

It was getting tiring having to beg him to come back to rest, even for a moment. Spider powers or not, everyone needs a break.

“Uh oh…” you hear Lyla say as you march into the monitoring room, but you continue to press onward.

“Miguel!” you call up to him, but he doesn’t even bother turning around to face you, rummaging through papers and swiping through screens.

“Querida, is there something you need?” he asks nonchalantly like nothing was wrong.

“Yes! There is, actually. What happened to coming home yesterday, hm~?” you say, irritation rising in your voice.

“Oh…is it already the next day?” he asks, still not looking toward you. “I’m sorry, vida mía. I guess I got carried away, I’ll try to be back later alright?” he says, trying to placate you.

“You can’t keep going on like this Miguel, it’s not healthy. One evening of a break won’t hurt. Hell, I’ll even help you out with paperwork, and Lyla can too. So come home tonight, alright? For me, please?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he says without thinking, only half listening to you.

“Excuse me?” you say, your voice stone cold and immediately Miguel stiffens, slowly turning toward you with a sheepish look on his face.

“Vida mía,” he says, his expression apologetic as his platform begins to lower to the floor. You don’t have the patience to wait for it though, choosing to swing up with your webs and meet him at his level.

“Miguel O'Hara, who do you think you’re talking to?" you say lowly. "I’m not one of your subordinates, I am your wife,” Your hands are planted on your hips as you look up at him annoyedly.

“I know, I know,” he says hurriedly, “I’m sorry. I said it without thinking.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough. We’re going home, now,” you say, grabbing his hand and leaving no room for argument. “Lyla, have Jess take over for the rest of today, alright?”

“Aye, aye, captain!” she says, snickering at the interaction between the two of you.

“Querida, there’s still so much work I have to do,” he says, resisting your pull but you continue to drag you along.

“Should have thought of that before you said ‘whatever’ to me, Miguel,” you say, but sigh. “I’m only trying to look out for you, is that so bad?”

He pauses, studying your worried expression that was because of him. It caused a wave of guilt to wash over him after he disregarded your care for work instead.

“I know…alright, let’s go home sweetheart,” he says, finally relenting as he presses a kiss to your forehead. Immediately you light up, grasping his hand tighter.

“I’ll make your favourite today, and we can take a bath later if you’d like?” you suggest.

“I would love that, tesoro.”

A/N: Thank you for reading!

Taglist: @beiroviski, @scaraza, @blueoorchid, @remuslupinwifee, @phobia0325, @local-mr-frog, @johfaam0, @raweggohan, @honeycriess, @alexenoirex, @chimpkinnuggies, @rqdior, @banana--belle, @notasadgirlipromise, @6billionyearsold, @gods-perfectidiot, @phobia0325, @honeii-puff, @ieatmunson

[bomber-grl]

General Percy Jackson dating hc⋆°🌊

~ ⋆｡‧𖦹 Percy Jackson x Gn!Reader(no pronouns)

Percy is so sassy

I think we as a fandom have established that, however sometimes you underestimate how far he’ll go.

No matter how long you’ve been dating he’ll still be sassy 😔😭

Of course it’s downgraded though

He chose mercy today

Anyway

Although he can get sassy sometimes, there is without a doubt that he loves you.

If there are 100 people who love you Percy is one of them. 1 person who loves you? Percy is that person

Zero? Percy is dead

He absolutely adores you, even if he can be a big idiot sometimes.

Now, when the two of you got together it was pretty much the same as when you were friends

Just romantic

You’d get reminded of your relationship when he calls you his girlfriend/boyfriend/partner

Especially in front of others

Or when he starts holding your hand and kissing you

It’s definitely a change

But not necessarily a bad one

Hes the type of guy to make being your boyfriend his whole personality

(Not actually but let me explain)

He’ll def wear those shirt with “I love my [insert your preferred title]

And he won’t care who sees it 😭

He’s proud no matter what

And is an absolute menace if anyone says anything about it

Or to you, for that matter

He’s powerful and we all know that

You can obviously defend yourself however sometimes he just can’t hold back

If anything were to ever happen to you

Let’s just say the opposing side will be as if it never existed.

I don’t see Percy as the jealous type ngl

I’ve seen many others say he would be and I think he could be, but only sometimes

He knows you’re just as loyal to him as he is to you

However if he sees anyone flirt and you don’t notice or tell them to back off-

He will for you

He won’t hesitate to slide an arm around your waist and ask what the hell the other person is doing with a raised eyebrow

He sasses the other person so much he leaves no room for argument 😭

Percy trusts with everything he’s got

So if you were to ever betray him he’d be crushed

Especially if you really know him

Just don’t betray him 🤷‍♀️

Percy follows you around all the time when he’s got nothing to do

He’s strong and independent

…wheeennn he’s away from you

He’s always by your side

And he loves to spend time with you too

He can’t say goodbye without hugging or kissing you

That’s a definite quirk of his

He’s technically not supposed to exist but it makes you glad he’s the only demigod child of Poseidon

And the only other person who shares his cabin is Tyson, so that way you two can sleepover and cuddle.

Ofc you guys get to actually do that once Tyson stops talking to you guys 😭

Only when Tyson goes off do you guys have time to chill in his cabin and the sleepovers you have are almost endless

I say almost because you eventually got caught by the harpy’s and luckily Chiron came in time to prevent you guys being ripped to shreds :,)

Before all that happened tho, you and Percy would cuddle and you’d play with Percy’s hair

He LOVES having his hair played with and his scalp massaged

And he accidentally insinuates that he misses that the most out of you getting banned from his cabin

The audacity for him to miss your massages rather than your presence

He let you have his share of desert as an apology for as long as you want 😭😭

You felt guilty so eventually you stopped 😭

If you are a sword fighter like him, you both often spar together.

You hit two birds with one stone

You practice your skills, and get to hang out together

What could be better?

Even then, if you specialize with daggers or a spear then it still works out

Sorry if you’re an archer 😭

Before you’re even introduced to Sally she already loves you!

And vise versa

Percy talks so much about you guys to each other that you practically already met her

And she already knew about you before you guys even started dating 😭

Percy told her (albeit a bit reluctantly) that he had a crush and the rest was history

When you finally meet it’s an automatic click and the both of you hit it off

Honestly Percy’s happy to see two of the most important people in his life getting along.

So, we’re all aware of how much of a menace Percy is, right?

Well he absolutely teases the fuck out of you

If that’s how you’re comfortable with

It’s not bad but it’s definitely silly and makes you smile at his antics, especially when you’re pretending to be mad at him 😭

You’re so weak for him lol

As is he for you

Mans is a simp and a so called “free thinker”

That changes when you step into the room and start talking to him

So after you guys got banned from going into each others cabins for unplanned sleepovers you guys had to make the most of the time you had together during the day

Just imagine an innocent camper walking by and seeing “beat ares, stopped two wars” Percy

The thing is, Percy is absolutely putty in your hands and has his head resting on your lap with your hands in his hair

Some would usually tease but with his reputation nowadays, nobody dares

With the exception of close Ally’s and ofc, Clarisse

It’s little moments that get you guys closer than ever like when there’s campfires and you can just enjoy the moment

Or when you can go into the lake

Which is where you guys had your first kiss

And it was sweet and spontaneous

And then awkward afterwards because of the walk back to your cabins 😭

Even then Percy gave you a quick peck and ran off

Best believe he was kicking his feet once he got back to his cabin 😭

you awoke the next day with being the new hot gossip in camp so that was… interesting

Anyway

I’m aware that I’ve made Percy to be a bit a menace

Although he is exactly that on the regular-

He really does care about you

Sometimes whenever he looks at you he can’t help but think about how lucky he got

He’s glad to have met you and tries his best to let you know at every chance he gets

Even if the things he might say come off as cringe, he means it

Maybe to a less cringey extent tho lolol

Bro can’t help it, he’s a romantic at heart

But only ever for you

[veganineden]

On the Evolution of “Happily Ever After” and Why “Nothing Lasts Forever”

A reflection inspired by Good Omens 2

One of my favorite Tumblr posts on the second season of Good Omens 2 was actually not about the series at all, but our reaction to it, primarily the ending. @zehwulf wrote, “I think a lot of us—myself included—got a little too comfortable with assuming [Aziraphale and Crowley would] work on their issues right away post-Armageddon.” We did the work for them through meta, fanfiction, fanart, and building a plethora of headcanons. Who among us AO3-surfing fans didn’t read and love Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm?

In the 4 long years since season one was released, we did more than seek to understand and repair rifts between two fictional beings: we were forced to reckon with ourselves too. We faced a global pandemic, suffered traumatizing losses and isolation, and were forced to really and truly look into the face of our atrocities-ridden and capitalistic world. The mainstream rise of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Justice work, and our participation in this work, showed us that the systems in place were built to oppress and harm most of us, and they are. 

So, what does this have to do with the evolution of “happily ever after”? 

My friend put it best in a conversation we had following the season finale, when she pointed out a shift in media focus. The “happy end” in old stories about wars and kingdoms used to be “we killed the evil old king and put a noble young king in his place and now citizens can live in peace” and we’re transitioning into a period of “we tore down the whole fucking monarchy.” 

If we look at season one, written to follow the beats of a love story, it comforted us by offering a pretty traditional happy ending pattern: you get your fancy dinner with your special someone, the romantic music plays, and you have a place to call your own. Season one’s finale provided a temporary freedom for Aziraphale and Crowley, the “breathing room,” but it didn't solve the problem that was Heaven and Hell, or the agendas belonging to those systems of oppression. 

Is it good enough to keep our heads down, pretend the bad stuff isn’t happening, and live our own personal happy endings until we die? Moral quandaries aside, if you don't die (or if you care about the generations after you), then, like Aziraphale said, it “can’t last forever.” There’s a clear unpleasant end to the “happily ever after” that’s based on ignoring our problems– it’s the destruction of our relationships, and humanity. 

Ineffable Bureaucracy can go off into the stars because they do not care about humanity. 

You know who does?

Aziraphale. 

And Aziraphale knows that Crowley cares about humanity too. (He knows because Crowley was the one who proposed sabotaging Armageddon in the first place, who only invited him to the stars when he thought all was lost, because Crowley would save humanity if he thought it was possible, and Aziraphale knows Crowley has survived losing Everything before, and he will do all in his power so that Crowley does not need to experience that again.) 

In season one and two, we see how much they care about humanity, beyond their orders, to the point The Systems begin to frown at them. Aziraphale hears Crowley’s offer to run away together in the final episode of season two, to leave Earth behind, and just like the first time that offer was made in season one, he declines. He knows choosing only “us” is not a choice either of them can live with for the rest of eternity.

I believe season 3 will provide an opportunity to “dismantle the system,” but I don’t know how it will play out. I worry that Aziraphale has put himself in the now-dead trope of the “young noble king.” (I wish Crowley had told him why Gabriel was dismissed from his duties.) I worry that he would martyr himself as a sole agent for change. I worry that he doesn’t actually know how to dismantle anything by himself: because you can’t. He needs Crowley. He DOES. He needs Crowley, and Muriel, and other angels and demons and humans without fixed mindsets to help him. Only by learning to listen and making room at the table for all can they (and we) move past personal satisfaction to collective liberation. 

Crowley was right when he said that Aziraphale had discovered his “civic obligations.”

So, I think we will get our modern-day happy ending– and it’s going to involve a lot of pain and discomfort, communication, healing and teamwork– and in the end, it’ll all be okay. There will be a time for rest and a time for “us.” 

And most likely a cottage. 

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

 - Maya Angelou

Support the SAG-AFTRA strike and other unions. Trust @neil-gaiman. Register to vote if you haven’t yet. Hold yourself and others accountable with compassion. Read books. Keep doing the work. Rest. Then watch Good Omens 2 again.  

[discordantwritings]

Our Precious Assistant (Cross Guild x Reader)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 4.5

Warnings: 18+ NO MINORS. gn afab reader, exhibitionism, slight voyeurism, dom/ sub dynamics, dom! Mihawk, dom! Crocodile, sub! Buggy, sub! Reader, oral sex, facefucking, PiV sex, spit roasting, creampie, aftercare is important guys, Mihawk and Crocodile are mean to Buggy but in a consensual way, not beta read

Word count: 5.7k

Summary: You’re the assistant to the leaders of The Cross Guild, and after one night of overhearing them having sexual relations, you can’t help but notice their affections towards each other, and eventually… you?

Note: the cross guild can use me any day

Being the executive assistant to three of the most dangerous men in the world was terrifying.

At first.

But after one year of working with them, you’ve grown desensitized to their presence. You see them at their best and their worst. And working for them you see a lot of worsts.

Sir Crocodile is the one you interact the most with since he deals with most of the money and bounties. He works hard and barely rests, which leads him to a short temper. At first every time he glared at you you were sure his hook was about to take you out but now you know when that happens he just needs a nap. You’ve managed to mitigate a lot of employee deaths by planning his appointments around when you know his mood will be bad. And even over time you’ve learned that if you stand firm with him, he respects you more. Never in a million years did you expect that a former warlord of the sea would appreciate you draping a blanket over him when he falls asleep at his desk. You often have to stop yourself from thinking about how peaceful he looks when he actually manages to sleep.

Dracule Mihawk was easier to work with than Sir Crocodile, demanding less of you on a daily basis, but that’s not to say it’s been easy. Being a solitary man he doesn’t interact well with anyone under him (or over him for that matter) so you’re often left to smooth over meetings and negotiations. You don’t talk with him often but when you do he is always polite, if a bit short. Nothing gets past him and it’s worked out in your favor more times than not. He recognizes your work and once when he caught you sneaking a peak at his library he let you borrow the book you were after. When you tried to return it once you were done he told you to keep it. The book sits on your nightstand and helps you remember on the hard days why you stick with the job.

And Buggy?

Well. He’s Buggy. You’ve had the best and the worst times with him. It became clear after only a few months of working with The Cross Guild that Buggy wasn’t actually the one in charge. Between the way Mihawk and Crocodile treated him and how incredibly incompetent he could be led you to put the pieces together on the real power structure. Now that isn’t to say Buggy was a failure all time, quite the opposite actually. Despite how under qualified he was he pulled off the showmanship of the roll quite well and out of all of the leaders he was far and away the best with people. While you didn’t interact with him as much as you did Sir Crocodile he often went out of his way to be around you. He gets bored easily and it often falls on you when there aren’t any of his crew members in the immediate vicinity. As much as it derails your work you find yourself glad for the company. You think it’s because you do actually respect him and sometimes in The Cross Guild that’s hard to come by.

It wasn’t until recently a few things about the relationship between the leaders of the guild clicked for you. You knew the had extended meetings behind doors and on more than a few occasions you’d seen Mihawk or Crocodile laying into Buggy but it wasn’t until you had to come back to the office late one night when it all became crystal clear how their dynamic worked.

You had forgotten some paperwork that you needed to work on so you slipped back into the office after dark when you thought everyone else had gone home. When you got to your desk however, the door to Sir Crocodile’s office was cracked and light spilled out. It wasn’t strange, you knew he pushed himself to work late hours. Normally you encourage him to cut it short so you made your way over to the door and where about to knock when-

“Croc- Please-“ Buggy’s voice was pained and you almost rush in to defend him but a loud moan stops you dead in your tracks.

“I don’t think you’re sorry enough clown.” Crocodile’s voice is sharp and clearly pissed, but there’s an edge to it that you’ve never heard. You almost manage to back away from the door when a third voice speaks up.

“You’re right Crocodile, he really should be apologizing better. He certainly could be putting his mouth to better use.” Mihawk sounds almost bored, but the filth that left his mouth made your blood run hot.

“I’ll do anything- you know I will!” Buggy pleads.

Crocodile chuckles. “Oh, we know you will. You’re always so eager to get on your knees for us, aren’t you.”

The sounds of a zipper being pulled jolt through you and that’s enough to get you to run out of the office as quietly as you can. You pray to whatever gods are above that they didn’t hear you because no matter how fond of you they were- this was too much for anyone to know.

Ever since then you’ve noticed things. Face paint on Crocodile’s collar, stolen glances between Mihawk and Crocodile, or Buggy actually blushing when Crocodile threatened to knock his head off. It felt crazy to know that your bosses were in some kind of polyamorous relationship but no matter how much you want to tell anyone you didn’t. Not even for fear of your job- it was just what you felt was right. But you had to admit thoughts about what the three of them do together creeped into your mind often. It was embarrassing but some nights you got off to imagining what it would be like to be a part of something like that.

Well not something like that. Exactly that. Those three powerful men that you’ve grown fond of. But it was a pipe dream. You kept those thoughts in the darkest recesses of your mind where not even Mihawk’s observation haki could detect them.

But then things kept happening.

It started off easy to ignore. You would see Buggy blushing as you walked into Crocodile or Mihawk’s office, or Mihawk pulling away from Crocodile’s desk quickly as you passed by the door. But when you walked into Mihawk’s office and saw Buggy on his lap there wasn’t much you could do but quickly throw his requested papers on his desk and hurry away, face flushed.

After that it was noticing Buggy’s shoes under Crocodile’s desk when he called you in for a report. Then being asked to stay late and catching Crocodile and Mihawk share a kiss through a wide open door.

You wouldn’t acknowledge the incidents, and they didn’t either, so you were left flustered and confused almost every day. As if seeing them together wasn’t bad enough- it got worse.

Attention started to be directed towards you. You didn’t notice at first, Buggy’s clinging attitude was nothing new and you almost thought nothing of it when he was more touchy than normal. Then Mihawk invited you to stay after work to have a drink with him. You refused- but almost immediately were faced with Crocodile asking you to help him in his office with some more paperwork. Working close at his desk together shouldn’t have been as intimate as it was but you could see him stealing glances at you throughout the night.

Then came the pet names.

Buggy waltzing around your desk calling you star, dear, angel, and any other cheesy ones he could pull out. You hate how much you reacted to them, doing your best to act annoying and praying that he never saw the blush creeping up your neck. Mihawk and Crocodile were more subtle though. Mihawk tagging on darlings at the ends of his requests, Crocodile calling you sweetheart after you deliver paperwork to him. It was almost too much to take on a daily basis, sending you home flustered and now occasionally sexually frustrated.

But you never allowed yourself to think that any of them, let alone all three of them, would want something with you. You knew for a fact they were all in a relationship of some sorts and maybe this was their fun- being cruel to the person they all had easy access to. But you couldn’t stop your heart from soaring at every pet name and every touch or glance they would throw your way. You’d think about quitting- but you couldn’t leave them. As much as you hate it you care about the three of them too much.

But that might all stop today. Earlier in the day Crocodile approached you and said he needed you to stay after for a meeting and your blood ran cold. This was it. You’re getting fired.

You spent all day anxious, subtly packing up your belongings in preparation for the worst. When the time rolled around you knocked on the large door to Sir Crocodile’s office.

“Come in.” His gruff voice answered, and you slowly opened the door to reveal all three leaders of The Cross Guild. Crocodile behind his desk, Mihawk at one of the chairs across from him, and Buggy stationed on a couch along one of the far walls.

You weren’t being fired. You were being killed.

Your fear was clear to all three of them and Mihawk cast an annoyed glance at Crocodile. “I told you this was not a good idea.”

Crocodile rolled his eyes. “And what did you propose? Keep doing Buggy’s plan?”

“Hey!” Buggy sat up on the couch, offended. “I thought we could be a lot more flashy!”

Glares from both Mihawk and Crocodile made him sink back into the couch without another word. Mihawk looks back to you and gestures for you to sit down in the other chair at Crocodile’s desk. Scared and a bit confused you quickly sit.

“I’m sorry.” You speak up, trying to be ahead of this whole thing. “I should have been more careful with your privacy and it’s my fault and I understand why you want to let me go.”

Crocodile, Mihawk, and Buggy all share confused looks before Buggy breaks out in a laugh.

“You’re not being fired.” Crocodile speaks up, leaning over his desk. “And you haven’t been mishandling our privacy.”

“Except on that first night.” Buggy chimes in from the couch. “Not that that was a bad thing!”

Your eyes dart between all three of them, now properly confused. “I don’t understand…”

Mihawk sighs. “We noticed when you accidentally overheard us in this office.”

Of course. You were stupid to think they didn’t.

“But after that and some discussion we thought you might be interested.” Mihawk says it so casually you almost don’t register the words. They thought what?

“It was Buggy’s idea to get bold with our affections to see if you were interested as well but like most of the clown’s plans it was clearly poorly thought out.” Crocodile speaks from behind the desk, filing in the gaps.

“Honestly I think it was just an excuse to be the little exhibitionist he is.” Mihawk comments with glance towards Buggy.

“Hey, hey, maybe there was some self fulfillment there but! You all liked it and we clearly saw they liked us too. Didn’t ya dear?” Buggy leans on the couch to smile and wave at you and it’s only about now where everything is finally sinking in.

“Oh.” You’re sure your entire body is blushing, all the anxious energy now turning into something different.

“So we are sorry if this has all been too convoluted for you. I thought we should make a formal request.” Crocodile gets up from his desk and walks around it, towering over your seat. “Would you think about being a part of our relationship?”

“If you don’t we will forget this ever happened and there will be no more sexual run ins with any of us.” Mihawk adds as he too gets closer, his hand on the arm of your chair.

“And of course, take your time.” Crocodile mentions from above, taking a long drag of his cigar.

“But also could you not because I’m really excited to-“ Buggy is once again cut off by the looks of the two former warlords. But now understanding their dynamic you guess he probably riles them up like this on purpose. The line between fear and arousal is pretty thin, as you are learning right now.

“I can’t say I’m not interested.” You speak up and see Buggy beaming from across the room. “But I just- I’ve never been in a relationship like this.”

Mihawk’s hand glides from the arm of the chair to the outside of your thigh. “Neither had we before this. It’s not easy all the time but we make it work.”

It’s hard to ignore how much of an effect the small touch has on your body and you shift in your chair. “And you all really like me?”

“Yes.” All three of them answer at once, bringing a huge smile to your face. They rarely agree on anything but seeing them so automatically in sync for the answer- it douses a lot of your worries.

“So how would this work exactly?” You ball your hands in your lap, unable to look any of them in the eye directly.

“You would be ours.” Crocodile leans back on his desk to get more in your line of sight. “We go on dates occasionally. We share a bed when we are all in one place.”

“Due to our positions we can’t be as public as we would want to be. But that would be for your safety.” Mihawk’s thumb is drawing small circles on your thigh.

“But that doesn’t mean we won’t occasionally smother you at work.” Buggy bounces off the couch and moves over behind your chair. “Or at least I will.”

“You mean you don’t already?” You turn slightly to smile up at him and he returns your grin tenfold.

“And of course we would love to have you join us in our sexual endeavors.” Crocodile’s large hand creeps under your chin and pulls it over so you’re looking him in the eyes. “If you’ll have us.”

You melt under his touch and a small moan leaves you when Mihawk’s hand slides ever so closer inwards. Buggy’s hands land on your shoulder a gently rub and you are overwhelmed in the best way.

“I’ll have you. All of you.” At your words Buggy’s arms come around and hug you from behind and you can’t help but laugh a bit at his enthusiasm. “So what’s next?”

“If it’s not too fast you’ll come back to our room. Now.” The authority Crocodile exudes makes you nod your head quickly. You don’t know if you would be able to function properly if at least one of them didn’t take you to bed tonight.

Buggy tightens his hug before releasing you and bouncing to the door. Mihawk retracts his hand from your thigh but holds it out for you to help you stand. You take his hand and lace your fingers through it as you turn to the door, Crocodile bringing up the rear.

It’s a whirlwind getting back to their place- which you learn is Crocodile’s originally. None of them kiss you yet but their hands wander. Mihawk never lets go of your hand and squeezes it as Crocodile keeps a guiding hand on your lower back. Buggy’s detached hands are a bit braver, sneaking around your waist and hips and thighs. He gives your ass a light slap as you walk into the bedroom and it’s your turn to whip around and glare at him. There’s no malice behind it though and he waves at you as the offending hand snaps back onto his arm.

Turning back and looking around the room it is more distinctly Crocodile’s than anything from the simple and modern decor with his signature emerald green as accents. The other two have snuck their way in here though. You notice a large vanity mirror with makeup strewn around it and the bed is covered in dark plush fabrics. Despite being mismatched with the rest of the room it makes it more human, and you appreciate that as you slowly make your way over to the almost comically oversized bed.

Turning, you sit yourself on the edge of the bed and look up at the three men. “So, how do we start this?”

Buggy goes to walk towards you but is stopped by Crocodile’s arm. Mihawk and Crocodile share a glance and communicate something without words. Crocodile drags Buggy off to a large loveseat not too far from the bed as Mihawk approaches you.

“We’ll start off gentle, how about that?” Mihawk says as he crowds your space, looking down at you with those striking eyes.

“Hey- you never started gentle with me-“ Buggy’s voice is cut off and when you look over Crocodile has a fist full of blue hair and is harshly pulling his head up. He’s violently pulled into a kiss with Crocodile that you see the clown melt into, the gloved hands going to Crocodile’s knees to stabilize himself. You could watch them make out for hours but your gaze is gently pulled back to Mihawk with his hand on your chin.

“There will be plenty of time to watch. But I have to get you relaxed.” Mihawk grabs your waist and easily hoists you further into the bed, laying you down. He crawls over you, one hand stabilizing himself as another wanders up over your hips, waist, bust, and the finally resting gently around the side of your neck. Using his grip he brings you up and pulls you into a kiss.

Just as promised he starts off gentle, letting you set the pace. His lips are soft and you can taste his favorite wine. Breaking away to catch your breath you loop one arm around his shoulders and slide your mouth next to his ear.

“I appreciate this but-“ You lightly bite at his earlobe. “I don’t want you to be too gentle with me.”

When you retreat back to look at the swordsman’s face you see his eyes blown out, only a slim amber ring left. “I’d knew you’d be wonderful for us.”

He dives into another kiss, this time fully dominating it. His tongue presses against your lips and you let him in easily, letting him take over completely. Mihawk’s calloused hand comes around the front of your neck and he doesn’t squeeze but the thrill of it being there sends chills down your spine.

Eventually that hand sneaks down to your shirt, lightly squeezing one of your breasts before it moves down to the hem of your shirt. Fingers play with the edge before they slip under and push your shirt up as he travels back to your chest. You lean up and he allows you to break away from the kiss as you finish pulling your shirt up and over your head, throwing it somewhere on the floor. Mihawk wastes no time and unclasps your bra as you are doing so, and he pitches the garment far away as well.

Sitting up slightly the former warlord allows both his hands to wander your chest, earning small gasps from you as he squeezes and cups your breasts. He leans back down and kisses down your neck before replacing one of his hands with his mouth, kissing under your breast first before placing an open mouth kiss to your nipple. You bring your hand up to stifle a moan but from across the room a voice chastises you.

“Be loud love, we want to hear you over here.” Crocodile’s voice reminds you of his presence and you look back over his direction and are rewarded with a lewd image.

Crocodile sits wide in the seat, a cigar lit as he watches you and Mihawk. His pants are opened just enough for Buggy to work his cock, one hand on the base and his mouth covering the rest. Crocodile’s grip is strong on the clown’s hair as he forces Buggy’s head down. Seeing Crocodile so composed as he uses Buggy turns you on much more than you ever thought it would and you can feel how wet all of this is making of you.

You’re snapped back to Mihawk as he lightly bites at your nipple and this time you don’t muffle your moan. A hand wanders down your stomach and to your pants where deft fingers unbutton and unzip them quickly. After a harsh bite to the plush of your breast, definitely leaving a bruise, he leans back and brings both hands to the waistband of your pants.

“Lift your hips for me.” You obey his words and he takes off your pants and underwear in one go, and you shudder at the sudden coolness. One hand lays on your hip and another goes to your thigh. Gently he pushes your thighs open and he groans at what he sees.

“All this already?” His fingers skate down to your entrance and he pulls his fingers over it, collecting your slick. Bringing his fingers up to his mouth you watch slack jawed as he licks them clean. “I think I’ll have to taste more.”

Pushing himself back he kisses the insides of your thighs and you moan as he gets closer and closer to where you want him to be. One of your hands fists into the sheets and you bring the other gently to Mihawk’s head, tangling your fingers in his hair.

Finally his mouth reaches your folds and you buck up against him but he quickly brings a hand up to hold you down. With just one hand he’s able to pin your body and that sends another flood of warmth to your core. After another second, making sure you’ll stay still, he finally dives in fully.

His tongue flattens and draws up across your opening and up to your clit where it stops. He presses a kiss to it that makes you gasp before his tongue travels back down and dips inside of you. The hand in his hair grip hard and you’re afraid for a second he’ll stop again but he just moans in appreciation. His nose rubs against your clit and you throw your head back, again getting a glance of Buggy and Crocodile.

Buggy was still kneeling at Crocodile’s feet but he wasn’t blowing him anymore. Instead Crocodile’s own hand was on his dick, gripping the base and slowly tugging as he locked eyes with you. You were finally able to see just how big he was and for a second you got concerned with how that would ever possibly fit inside you. Your eyes went down to Buggy and you could barely make out him softly whining and it took a second before you looked even lower and realized his pants were off. One of his detached hands was steadily pumping a finger into himself and his face was nestled on Crocodile’s thigh. The sight cause you to try and buck into Mihawk’s mouth against but you were powerless and all you could do was writhe and whine against his mouth.

Mihawk’s excellent skills were quickly bringing you to the edge and he could sense it. Pulling away for only a second he called out to Buggy. “Clown, come put your hands to good use.”

You saw the unoccupied glove hand fly over and hover by Mihawk and when he dove in to give attention to your clit the gloved hand when close by, easily slipping two fingers into you. Almost immediately you’re thrown over the edge and scream in pleasure.

The world is fuzzy for a few seconds and when you come back to your body you realize neither of them have stopped their movements. So sensitive from your orgasm you loudly moaned and gripped Mihawk even harder.

Peering up at you he breaks away for a second. “You can give us one more, can’t you darling?”

Buggy’s fingers curl inside you and Mihawk lightly nips at your sensitive clit and you’re cumming again, a deep groan leaving your body as pleasure washes over you again.

Finally the mouth and hand retreat and it takes you a bit before you focus back on the world around you. When you do you see Crocodile, naked and stroking his cock right above you. You sit up and look to him for direction, earning you a sly smile.

“You’re already so obedient aren’t you.” His hand comes up and fingers gently thread in your hair as he pulls you closer to his dick. “Want to show me how good you can be?”

“Yes sir.” You say, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

That earns you a moan from him and he drags you closer, the tip of his cock pressing against your lips. Obediently you open your mouth and let him press himself further in as he guides your head. You take a deep breath through your nose as you push yourself further feeling his dick fill up your mouth and into your throat. When your nose is finally up against his pelvis he moans deep in his chest and lets himself sit there for a moment. Tears prick at the edges of your eyes but it’s worth it for this feeling.

You can only hold like this for so long, and you have to let him slide out of your mouth. You hold your mouth open for him though, thick strings of your saliva connecting him to you.

“Fuck, you’re good.” He praises, the hand in your hair gently petting you for a second before gripping again. “Gonna let me use your mouth more?”

Knowing he loved it the first time you respond with the simple, “yes sir.”

He plunges immediately back into your mouth and all you can do is focus on your breathing as he fucks your face relentlessly. You know you’re dripping onto the bed as you rub against the sheets for any sort of friction. It isn’t long before you feel Crocodile’s cock twitch in your mouth and you assume he is going to cum down your throat but to your surprise he pulls away.

You look up at him, slightly disappointed, tears and spit covering your face. His hand reaches down and wipes away some of the spit.

“I’m not going to waste my load in your mouth tonight sweetheart, there will be plenty of time for that later.” His promise sends a thrill through you and suddenly you are joined in the bed by Buggy.

When you turn to him he looks just as fucked out as you are, his face paint smeared and bruises along his neck. Buggy’s eyes dart up to Crocodiles and you can’t see what’s exchanged but in a flash Buggy is on you, kissing you.

He’s eager and it fills you with new energy as you ramp up to match him. Hands wander every inch of your body, never stopping for too long.

“Been wanting to touch you for so long.” He whispers in between feverish kisses. “So soft…”

He gropes your boobs and ass with detached hands and you gasp into his mouth, giving him the opportunity to snake his tongue in. You give into him but it’s short lived as soon Mihawk is dragging him off of you.

“Hey!” He protests, his hands still full of your body.

“You’ll have your fun.” Mihawk chides. Buggy sulks a bit but brightens up when you cover the hand on your tit with your own and squeeze.

Crocodile’s hands join Buggy’s on your body and you feel him maneuvering you so you’re laying on your stomach, ass to him. Buggy is on your side and Mihawk is in front of you, now naked like everyone else. Now it’s his cock at your mouth. Not as big as Crocodile’s but slender and curved.

“Think you can take two of us at once?” Mihawk asks, hand gently petting you.

“Yes, please.” You moan, embarrassment having left you long ago.

“You’re so perfect darling. Now open up.” You immediately obey the swordsman and he lets his tip sit on your tongue, lightly dragging it barely into your mouth and out.

You’re about to lean forward to take more of him but something presses against your entrance and your head snaps around to see Crocodile lining himself up with you. Mihawk’s hand is in your hair again as he brings your mouth back to his dick.

You feel Crocodile’s cock push into your cunt and you moan at the intrusion. Taking advantage of that Mihawk slips himself down into your mouth further, causing you to almost choke. He seems to enjoy that, lightly thrusting in at the noise.

Crocodile moves slow and you’re thankful for the time to adjust to his size. As you get into rhythm with Mihawk you realize Buggy is stroking your back, gently soothing you. Needing him to be included you reach your hand out and find his thigh, slowly reaching up until you find the base of his dick. You can’t see it but it’s heavy in your hand as you slowly begin to pump him in time with Mihawk’s thrusts into your mouth.

With one final push Crocodile has bottomed out and you feel his hips against your ass. He pauses for a second and leans down, pressing hot kisses to your back while you finally adjust to his full size. It’s not too long however before he’s upright again, and his hand goes to the base of your back as he starts slowly thrusting in and out of you.

Your senses are overwhelmed by pleasure and every moan you release is muffled by Mihawk’s dick and he picks up the pace, loving the way you feel around him. You focus on keeping a steady pace with Buggy and let the rest of your body be used by the two other powerful men.

It’s Crocodile who falters first, his thrusts becoming faster and irregular as he grips your hips firmly and pushes you down with every thrust. You feel him shudder and he reaches over and replaces Mihawk’s hand in your hair with his own, pulling you up off of him.

“Where do you want me to cum, tell me.” He demands, not slowing down at all.

“Inside.” You manage, voice wrecked.

He pulls you into a heated kiss before pushing you back down and doubling his efforts. His hand flies down to your clit as he helps you to reach your peak with him. You cum quickly from his touch and that send him over the edge too, burying himself deep and unloading into you.

Crocodile slowly pulls out of you and you can feel his cum seeping out. You feel his large fingers at your entrance and he pushes some of his seed back into you.

“Take a look Hawkeyes.” Crocodile voice was gruff.

You didn’t even register that Mihawk had walked around behind you until you heard his voice. “Fuck that’s a picture. Buggy, flip them around.”

Suddenly Buggy’s hands were on your waist, flipping you over as directed. You finally get a good look at him and he’s kneeling next to you, dick bright red and leaking. Reaching over you go to continue your earlier work with him but your hand it caught by Mihawk’s.

“He doesn’t cum until the end.” He informs you. “Don’t worry, he likes it that way.”

A bright red creeps up Buggy’s neck that confirms that fact. And you can’t help but flash him a smile.

“Think you can still take me?” Your attention is brought back to Mihawk as he drags his length over your entrance, coating it in yours and Crocodile’s cum.

You nod eagerly, desperate to please and be filled up again.

The swordsman easily slips into you and he wastes no time, roughly thrusting into you. You cry out from the feeling, overwhelmed and fucked out from your previous three orgasms. Buggy is right there besides you, gently running his fingers through your hair and whispering praise about how good you looked and how well you’ve been taking them. It’s all enough to send you quickly to the edge and it’s clear Mihawk is right there with you.

“Can I-“ His voice is cut off when you clench around him.

“Yes, inside, please Mihawk.” Your pleading sends him over and his fingers dig into your thighs as he cums inside you. You’re not far after him, Buggy’s helpful hand going between your legs to give you the final push.

Mihawk pulls out and you are full, cum gushing out of you. The swordsman stops and stares at your fucked out cunt in appreciation before Buggy stands next to him to look as well. Mihawk pulls Buggy into a kiss and when he breaks away he gives Buggy a small nod before walking away.

“Hey I’m not gonna push you love.” His hand is pumping up and down on his length fast. “Just wanna cum on you, can I do that, please babe?”

The desperation in his voice is clear and you nod, no longer having a voice to use.

“Fuck, thank you, you’re perfect, just like that-“ His words are quick and dissolve into unintelligible as he works himself faster before spilling himself onto your folds with a loud moan.

You finally allowed your body to relax, sinking into the bed, exhaustion overtaking your body. Crocodile comes back into view and he gently cleans you up with a wash cloth, pressing a kiss to your knee when he’s done. Mihawk comes to your side and helps you properly into bed, under the covers. Buggy is at your side almost immediately, arms wrapping around you as his face settles into the crook of your neck. It’s not long until Crocodile joins you on your other side and you allow yourself to snuggle up into his chest. You vaguely notice Mihawk climb into bed on the other side of Crocodile as sleep starts to take you.

Crocodile presses a kiss to your forehead right before you fall asleep.

“We love you.”

[yuwuta]

hi 👋 bsf upstaging bf with choso???

ok i’ve gotten asks for pretty much every other jjk boy on this subject and i want to say something as an overarching theme: all of them ain’t shit. not a single one of them. there’s a scale, some (gojo) are worse than others, but in general, none of them really give a fuck, if that means upstaging, sabotaging, or straight up kicking your boyfriend to the curb so that they can be your boyfriend instead then so be it. but they’re not shit, NONE OF THEM!! but there is a hierarchy and different methods of execution and all that, so here’s where they stand 

president and ceo of not being shit: satoru gojo

why would satoru care about your boyfriend? in any and all universes, he is raised in a world where consequences mean nothing to him. so what if he’s a little rude to this guy? so what if he buys you a ridiculously expensive birthday gift that might be seen as romantic? so what if he offers to take you on a vacation that happens to overlap with your boyfriend’s birthday? the worst that will happen to satoru is nothing; the world bends to his whims, never the other way around.

it’s a combination of complete self-confidence + trust in you + getting joy out of bothering people that earns him this number one spot. he’s confident in every sense of the word, so he doesn’t see your boyfriend as a threat. even if satoru didn’t love you romantically, he wouldn’t see a boyfriend as a threat to your friendship either, because he has no doubts in himself—and to the second point, he doesn’t have any in you either: you’ve proven your loyalty to satoru, proven that even when he pisses you off, you still love him, even when you’re dating somebody else, you still make time for him, even when he’s being shitty and stubborn, you don’t kick him to the curb, you just pinch his ear and bring him back down to earth. he’s always chosen you, but you’ve always chosen him, too, so again, what’s to fear when a boyfriend is added to the equation? nothing, because satoru knows this guy can’t earn or replace the loyalty you’ve given him. 

and to top it all off, he likes watching your bf grind his teeth. he likes watching this guy have to hold his breath, because what can he say without sounding like an ass—he won’t ask you to tell satoru to fuck off because he hasn’t done anything wrong. treating your best friend to fancy dinners and exotic getaways and designer clothes is just nice when you have money—your bf would be pretty shitty to deny you that. and he’d sound insecure, too. and satoru knows your bf doesn’t have the balls to confront him, and even if he did he’d lose. it’d be embarrassing. so, satoru wins. he always wins. satoru engages in psychological warfare, and he has the physical strength, social power, and financial security to back it up, so he, literally, can never lose. and, sure, having your bf around is annoying, but it’s so much fun to watch other people lose that he lets the guy stick around for a while. you’ll get tired of him and run back to satoru eventually, and he’ll confess this time… hopefully.

vice president: kento nanami

if you expected kento to be lower on this list, think again, because he is just as bad. he’s only second place because he’s not as overt, nor does he wish to actually taunt your boyfriend like satoru would. for kento, you’re just his number one priority. you always have been, ever since you came into his life; it was confusing at first, for him to care so much about you beyond an objective sense of responsibility, but overtime he came to realize that he way he wants to take care of you is different. he doesn’t just want to ensure your comfort and safety physically, he wants to make sure you’re taken care of emotionally, he wants to bear your burdens for you, not just help you through them.

kento is a good friend, a trusted confidant, a reliable person overall, and over the years, he’s inadvertently raised your standards. casual situationships and relationships where you’re not the priority become unappealing when you’ve had someone by your side for so long who’s treated you better than that. if your best friend can buy you flowers, and make reservations at new restaurants, and drive an hour to pick you up in the rain, and cook for you when you’re feeling sick, then why would you tolerate anything less in a romantic partner? these things are the bare minimum to kento, but most other men fall far below average; it’s hard for them to compete where they cannot compare. 

so when you do accept a partner, kento is skeptical at best. he knows that what he does for the people in his life isn’t necessarily special, but he doubts that your boyfriend is capable of doing even that—and even if he does meet the standards, he’ll be outclassed anyway. because kento is a good person, but he’ gotten really good at how to be good to you. your boyfriend might get you flowers, but kento already knows your favorites. your boyfriend might send chocolates, but he doesn’t know which ones you’re allergic to, and the brand you prefer; kento does, which is why the ones he bought for you are gone within the week, and the generic box sent over by your boyfriend was re-gifted to satoru. when you voice your doubts about a date your boyfriend mentioned wanting to plan, kento feigns interest, and then innocence when he asks if you’re busy a few days later, if you’d like to help him bake something instead—something he knows you’d much rather do. the short version is—kento knows you, and he uses it to his advantage. he uses the knowledge gained during your friendship to outclass anybody in your dating pool, and he does it so smoothly that it hardly seems intentional or harmful, but it is. which is why he’s just as bad, if not worse, than satoru. 

treasurer: megumi fushiguro 

there’s actually no au in which megumi isn’t shit because no matter how you square it, he gets it from his daddy. whether he’s raised by just satoru, just toji, or some au where he has them both in his life—the common denominator is that they’re there. if megumi ever did confide in either of them about hating your boyfriend, both satoru and toji would offer the same advice: “can’t you just get rid of him? what’s he got on you?” which is absolutely not how you should parent a child...

megumi might have his doubts about his personality, but he’s never been insecure about his appearance. it’s hard to be when he looks like that, but also when he’s had either toji or satoru (or god forbid, both) in his ear his entire life. he might have some fucked up attachment issues and skepticisms about the general population, but he has a very secure view of himself. so, to start, he’s not impressed by your boyfriend, and is honestly a little offended that you think this guy is objectively more attractive, or that you’re more romantically/sexually attracted to him that you are to megumi—or even, any of your other friends. he’d rather you start dating nobara or yuuji, at least he could live with that because those are pretty people, but your choice in boyfriends… he’s not trying to be mean but you could do better. you’ve done better. 

secondly, megumi…. doesn’t care about him. at all. he’s not like satoru in that it brings him happiness to tease your boyfriend, he’s not like kento in that he skews your standards in his favor to nudge your boyfriend out of the picture; megumi literally does not care if this guy lives or dies. your boyfriend could drop dead and megumi would be like damn… that’s crazy… and move on with his life. which is a wild view to have of your best friend’s partner; and it also drives said partner to madness because why the fuck won’t your childhood friend acknowledge his existence?? but again, megumi doesn’t care that his apathy towards your boyfriend bothers him—megumi doesn’t see him, doesn’t know him, doesn’t care to know him, and it drives a wedge in your relationship. 

thirdly, megumi is, canonically, a bully to people he doesn’t like. if your boyfriend gets angered enough to the point of confronting megumi, or whining to you, then it’s inconsequential to megumi to hurt him, and he won’t hold back. also on the reverse side, if there was a situation in which your boyfriend was getting hurt or needed help, then megumi is not helping. he’d probably just watch, or join in. 

after a while, megumi grows past apathy into exhaustion. he thinks you should do better, he thinks you should know better, he thinks he’s better. and he is. he’ll show you that. (also, he is most likely to try to seduce you into infidelity because he doesn’t care about your boyfriend, so you’re single to him). 

first secretary of not giving a fuck: yuuji itadori 

jealousy is something that yuuji used to feel guilty about, guilty enough to drive him to confiding in satoru/nanami about his feelings and seeking advice for how to deal with it, because he thought being jealous meant that he was being a bad friend to you. but neither of his mentors are shit, so yuuji learns to adopt the age old mantra: all is far in love and war. 

he’s better than satoru in the sense that he doesn’t antagonize your boyfriend, he’s better than kento in the sense that he doesn’t outwardly outclass your boyfriend’s efforts, he’s better than megumi in the sense that he does care about people outside of his immediate circle of friends, and as long as your boyfriend is a human, then yuuji will care about his life; but in all other senses, yuuji is surprisingly neutral, and in some cases, actually worse. 

yuuji has two things to his advantage that he absolutely abuses: his likability, and his strength. when it comes to likability, he can just play the friendly, nice guy card. wrapping his arm around your shoulder, twirling you around in a hug, pinching your cheeks, playing with your hair, laying on your lap—he’s just yuuji, he’s just being friendly, he’s just being nice. it’d be pretty shitty of your boyfriend to tell him to be meaner to you, no? ^.^ yuuji is also sneaky with this in that he uses it to say otherwise mean things under the guise of a friendly disguise, and people rarely think otherwise of it. (“it’s fine if you go to the club with us if your bf doesn’t want you to. it’s not like you’re gonna marry him” “are those boxes giving you trouble, man? not surprising, haha!” “you guys didn’t break up yet? aw... i mean... well, no i meant that, but come on, let’s take shots!” all said with a smile that looks like this 😇😇 on his face)

in terms of strength, it’s an unbeatable challenge for your boyfriend—because even if he gets pissed off at yuuji being too close to you, too affectionate with you, too sweet to you, what’s he gonna do? because he certainly can’t beat yuuji in a fight—he couldn’t even beat yuuji in a race, he couldn’t even beat yuuji at mario kart, so there’s nothing for your boyfriend to do but shutup and wallow.  

second secretary: yuuta okkotsu

does he need an explanation… does mr. “how rude, this is pure love” need an explanation… does mr. “i will kill itadori yuuji myself” need an explanation… does mr. “i won’t let sensei kill his best friend again, [i’ll do it myself]” need an explanation… hasn’t he already proved himself as the single most loyal and contently insane person on the planet… 

once you have yuuta’s loyalty, you have it forever. not even for life, because he’d find a way to transcend space and time to protect you in the next one. even if, for some reason, you didn’t want it anymore, you have it; yuuta’s love is final sale, no exchanges or returns. the only reason he’s not ranked to be worse than megumi or yuuji is because yuuta has one grave disadvantage: he is not normally confrontational, and is the definition of anxious LOL. he’d feel bad if he didn’t make an effort to get to know your boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean he has to like him...

yuuta might know that he has feelings for you, but he’s honestly content with a platonic relationship if that’s how you choose to express it towards him. if you want to be friends, then he’s your friend; your love is that pure and vital to him, that he takes it in whatever form he gets it. he’s desperate for you in a way that has him completely at your whim; he doesn’t need reciprocity to love you, just knowing you, and knowing you accept his love is more than enough. keeping him around as friend, keeping him in your life, keeping him in your mind—that’s all yuuta could truly ever want. so, even when you have a boyfriend, it stings a bit at first, but as long as you still have the same amount of room in your life for yuuta, then he won’t do any harm to this guy. 

unless: (a) your boyfriend makes it difficult for yuuta to have access to you, (b) your boyfriend outrightly ticks yuuta off, or (c) the worst option, your boyfriend does something to hurt you or make you sad, then he’s off yuuta’s radar completely. he won’t confront, and he won’t intervene. but if any of those conditions are not met, even for a second, then your boyfriend is as good as gone and there’s little anyone, yourself included, can do to stop him. 

honorable board members: choso kamo, toji fushiguro, toge inumaki

everything about choso is on sight. it takes one wrong move, the slightest misstep, even a breath out of place and he will end your relationship and your boyfriend’s life if he has to. choso does not play when it comes to the people he loves, he won’t stand for you being hurt or mistreated in any way. there’s no subtle psychological warfare, there’s no shovel talk, there’s no blame game: choso sees something wrong, and he takes it upon himself to correct it. your partners have one chance to treat you right, or they’ll wish they hadn’t met choso to begin with.

toji doesn’t really chase people, but you have always been the exception. he hates to admit it, but he’ll follow you anywhere you go, not caring for whoever else you decide to bring along. if the journey of your life is a car ride, toji always calls shotgun, and he doesn’t really care who else gets in the backseat, until they ask him to get out of his—then there’s a problem. and he’s never once felt bad about turning some guy into a hitchhiker. 

the greater good should be thankful that toge takes a voluntary vow of silence, because if he said even half of the things that were on his mind, the world might, quite literally, be set on fire. toge doesn’t care—not like megumi, him not caring isn’t apathy towards the life or death of other people, he just doesn’t care what reaction his actions pull out of people. you’ve told him it’s annoying when he pinches your cheeks and steals your boba, but that won’t stop him from doing it, esp not when you look so cute when you’re angry. yeah, he knows people get annoyed by his pranks, but that’s whatever. he knows your boyfriend hates when toge’s around you, but he doesn’t care. if it brings toge joy, he’ll do it. honestly, even if it doesn’t bring him joy, he’ll do it because he wants to. he’s not immune to consequences like satoru, he simply doesn’t care about them! he’ll just deal with it, he’s got a high tolerance for it—your boyfriend, however, seems like a weakling, so toge will simply outlast him. he’s outlasted all the others :) 

[star-sim]

shhh! ☆ jayhoon

☆ non-idol! jay x fem! reader, non-idol sunghoon x fem! reader ☆ summary: your secret relationship with him (& how you get caught!) ☆ genre: fluff, bullet points ☆ warning(s)? noooo

jay ☆

okay... hear me out

school au, where you and jay are the class co-presidents

and i'm not talkin goody two shoes dutiful co-presidents

IM SAYING TYRANNICAL CO-PRESIDENTS

you and jay were the class co-presidents, but you two were also the biggest most arrogant ASSHOLES

like somehow you guys have been put into office 3 years in a row

and even though people lowk hate you both, theyre more scared of ygs than anything

yk how in some animanga there's that corrupt student council trope... thats you and jay

threatening people, bribery, blackmailing, using lackeys....... nothing crazy but yall are NOT clean goody two shoes

im just saying... yall have SO MUCH power and influence

everyone is like legitimately afraid of ygs

on the outside you and jay seem to have an exclusively business relationship

to everyone, you're two power-hungry assholes who use each other to achieve their goals

at council meetings you and jay talk very cordially and formally, everytime you're seen together, you guys always whisper to each other briefly, before putting on your painfully fake smiles again and barely ever speaking to each other again

but behind closed doors....

yall are DATING dating

who knew that you, the condescending bitchy co-president, and jay, the most arrogant bastard of a co-president, were ALL FLUFF FOR EACH OTHER???

you and jay do such a good job of concealing your relationship that there's rumors that you and him actually secretly hate each other

heck, there's even a rumor that you'll stab him in the back later this term

after council meetings, you and jay stay back to "discuss private matters"

yall know damn well that's not what's happening

the moment that your snooty class treasurer shuts the door and leaves the two of you alone, jay's already pushing you against the wall

imagine.... makeout sessions in empty classrooms, and coming out with messed up uniform, swollen lips, and suspiciously timed breathlessness

jay would LOVE it if you grabbed onto his uniform tie and yanked him toward you, he gets the butterflies big time

whenever you pull jay aside to whisper something into his ear, everyone assumes that you're telling him about some confidential or urgent student council matter

nope!! 90% of the time it's you whispering "you look so handsome" "i love you" "let's go on a date later" "i want to kiss you so bad" good lord

and the best part??? whenever you do this, both you and jay keep the straightest, most solemn faces, even though jay is 100% screaming and giggling and kicking his feet inside

and let's be fr right now.... you guys DEFINITELY hold hands under the table

like there will be a meeting about whatever and you and jay are just playing with each other's hands under the table

i think you've almost been caught multiple times but no one necessarily suspects that there's something between you two

everyone genuinely thinks that yall are just some cold-hearted power freaks, too cold to love anyone LOL

the amount of times that you guys accidentally left the door unlocked and someone barged in....

to be clear just bc you and jay are head over heels in love with each other does NOT mean that you guys still aren't crazy assholes

sometimes you guys purposefully don't lock the door and play something that jay likes to call "kissing roulette"

basically, you and jay leave the door unlocked and make out on a busy day when there's a lot of people still roaming the halls, whoever pulls away first out of fear of being caught loses!

you always end up winning lol

i also think that some people are just stupid because there are actually SO many signs of you and him having something

like tell me why jay is out here pulling you close up against him, hands around your waist and all, to whisper something in your ear and the first thing that people think is "oh i think they hate each other"

now..... how ygs get caught: i think you and jay decided to keep your relationship private for the sake of preserving it, like ppl talk too much and they wanna get in the way or wtv

like business must go forward even if you and jay were on top of each other mere seconds ago

like i have emphasized earlier, you and jay were lowk tyrannical

you don't know how it happened but someone in the council leaked one of the being discussed

you and jay didn't really think it was that serious but apparently everyone else was

like.... some of your classmates got HEATED LMAOAO

anyways so you and jay are just having another one of your... ahem... after school sessions

and lets just say that this particular session was errr very passionate... you missed your boyfriend okay?

it was hard to act like jay pracitcally didn't exist when all you wanted to do was kiss him every second of the day

so here you were, between jay's legs with him pressed up against some bookshelf of an empty classroom

his shirt's collar is messed up, probably with lipstick stains all over it

you have his tie scrunched up in your fist, while his hands find the hem of your uniform skirt (😋)

completely unbeknownst to you there's a whole group of students in your year marching around school lookign for you two

apparently to "give the presidents a piece of their mind"

you and jay are LITERALLY about to go a step further (🤭) when the door FLIES OPEN

AND OH MY GOD

THERE'S JUST SO MANY OF THEM

like particular session you SWORE YOU LOCKED THE DOOR

like that little group of kids were about to start yelling at you to "reconsider your decisions" but they were rendered SPEECHLESS

GAGGED EVEN

because like..... THE TWO CO-PRESIDENTS WHO SUPPOSEDLY SEE EACH OTHER AS MERE TOOLS WERE........ MAKING OUT IN AN EMPTY CLASSROOM??????

you and jay are just standing there, still against each other against the bookshelf dissheveled and all, like 😧😧

"s-sorry!" it seems like the sight of you two getting all intimate scared the shit out of those little protestors BECAUSE THEY JUST RAN AWAY AFTER THAT

the next day you and jay are the talk of the school

jay is getting pats on his back from dudes who he literally does not know

"AYYYY YOU BAGGED THE HOT PRESIDENT!!!"

and hes like "? do i know you"

and suddenly all the girls are sitting you down with cups of tea to ask you about the story of you and jay

"please girl we want to know all the tea"

???? weren't they just gossiping about you yesterday

it seemed like everyone was weirdly supportive??

like over night everyone seemed to like you guys a little bit more??

somehow yall become the it couple

i dont think jay and you immediately get more affectionate

but jay definitely takes advantage of this

and randomly kisses you throughout the day

sunghoon ☆

you and sunghoon work in the same department, under the same supervisor, in the same office, at the same table, with the same tasks, with the same pay and same skills

yet only one of you is deemed the company's #1 loser and the other the company's sweetheart

guess who ☠️

well sunghoon is definitely NOT the company sweetheart

ding ding ding! if you guessed that he's the loser you are correct

sunghoon's quiet, and gets his job done efficiently with little trouble

he doesn't mean to make people uneasy with how quiet he is

but sunghoon genuinely does not like anyone enough to be talkative, nor does he want to try to make any friends

emo ass

on the other hand you're the company's joy

everyone wants to hang out with you after work

you're the first person invited to work parties, even when it's from different departments, every guy in that office has had a crush on you at some point

you know damn well the interns are obsessed with you

absolutely NO ONE would expect the residential hot girl to be going home with THE biggest loser every night

but alas look where we are

you and sunghoon were dating waaay before either of you got a job here

you guys decided to keep your relationship secret to avoid any HR complaints or snoopy people

and it was a bit of a struggle

do you have any idea how hard it was for sunghoon to watch every man try to shoot his shot with you and NOT start screaming?

sunghoon really tried to not let his personal life interfere with his professional life

but JINWOO FROM THE SALES DEPARTMENT WAS LITERALLY ASKING YOU OUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM

and it was hard for you, too

having people swarm you for after-work plans was a mess

each time, you said that you were going to stay late to finish some extra work, and if you had time you'd join them

you never did

all of your work friends tried to set you up on dates with their own friends

"cmon it will be fun! get out a little!"

and every time you had to politely tell them that you were not looking for a relationship for the time being (only for you and sunghoon to pass silly love notes at the water cooler)

oh sorry did you not hear that?

YOU AND SUNGHOON PASS SILLY LOVE NOTES AT THE WATER COOLER!!!!!

it’s always the most random ripped pieces of paper with the silliest love notes

like you will rip up a spare legal document nd write “if u were a fruit you’d be a fineapple”

sunghoon tho is the type up a whole document and print it out, it’s filled top to bottom in silliness and he hands it to you like it’s an official important document 😭

every morning he makes you coffee and brings it to your desk

lers be real ppl suspect things

NOT ON YOUR PART BUT ON YOUR BEHALF

like everyone thinks that sunghoon is this loser that’s in love with you ☠️

i mean cmon… weird quiet guy that talks to no one but makes coffee every morning for that One Hot Girl???

the workplace gossips have a field day w it

in their eyes, it’s really pathetic because sunghoon is this weirdo and ur this hot woman and he’s in love with you oh my gosh this is so embarrassing for him 😭🙏🙏

they keep telling you stuff too

“omg did you see the way sunghoon looked at you?”

“he’s so weird, it’s so obvious that he liked you”

"this is so embarrassing [name] you need to reject him before he gets too eager" FREE HIM

little do they know that when you and sunghoon stay a little bit later than everyone else sometimes, the office becomes really empty

kissing in empty offices… thats it, that’s the tweet

otherwise there's a lot of other small things that you do with/for each other 

when no one's around in the break room, you love to creep up on him and give him a back hug

it scares the shit out of him but the moment that he realizes that it's you he melts right away

idk how ppl didn't notice yet

one time your washing machine malfunctioned so both you and sunghoon's white dress shirts were dyed a subtle pink color

you came into work both wearing your dyed shirts and no one stopped to think "hm why do these people both have washing machine malfunctions that malfunctioned in the exact same way?"

tbh you and sunghoon are just vibing

other than sunghoon needing to conceal his wrath every time someone flirted with you and you having to hide your increasing irritation with the amount of party invitations you got

can i just say tho

being coworkers w sunghoon is a dream

imagine what happens when yall get home tho

i know the gossip goes CRAZY… you both hate your boss so every conversation you have about him rips him a new one

now... how you guys get caught

two words: work dinners

you and sunghoon never go to them

because like... why would you want to hang out with your coworkers when you have each other?

and when you do go to them, you never really have fun

other than eating and chatting a bit you never drink or really open up…. again, because you have sunghoon... why do u need anyone else

same for sunghoon, except he literally never looks like he wants to be there so people are already reluctant to invite him

but there's this one particular work dinner that you and sunghoon are both unable to get out of

it's been a long and tiring week, both of you want to go home and take a nap together but your team had other plans

sunghoon is annoyed, yes, but hes like whatever at least there's you with him

you? youre LIVID

youre barging into that work dinner with a storm cloud around you

you have to deal with coworkers who lack boundaries every day of the week and the one time you can escape them they march back in

youre not having it 😭

you ordered like 3 beers because you were so annoyed

and also bc sunghoon was there... if anything happened you knew that he would protect you

so here you were 3 beers down…. a liiiiittle bit tipsy

okay maybe a little bit MORE than tipsy… como se dice... drunk?

when jinwoo from the sales department comes up to you

sunghoon is sitting RIGHT next to you but jinwoo ignores him

"hi [name]"

you stare at him... thousand yard stare ahhh because your drunk ass does not have it in you to endure him ☠️

"what."

jinwoo DOES NOT TAKE THE HINT

"after this, i was thinking about going for karaoke. do you want to go with me?"

normally you'd be polite and decline

even if you were a little bit tipsy you'd normally just laugh and say no

but this time

with you boyfriend right next to you, with all your tiredness, with all your anger...

"fuck no," you say plainly

the way everyone gets quiet ☠️ ppl don't hear you swear that much

but the real thing that surprises them is when you pull sunghoon towards you, hugging his head to your chest

“i have a boyfriend and you’re shamelessly flirting with me”

while sunghoon is like “!!!!!”

everyone is staring liek WHAT???????

jinwoo from sales department is GAGGED BRUH

sunghoon immediately pulls away, all red in the faced

he grabs your hand and begins dragging you out the door

"sorry everyone she's drunk right now we'll be on our way!!" and yall leave

you don't remember anything so when sunghoon explains it to you, looking like a kicked dog, youre just like "okay and? whats the problem i put jinwoo in his place" #girlboss

you're the talk of the office

this still doesn't scare off your multiple suitors

but it does allow sunghoon is be a #hater fr

he's smug

[celaenaeiln]

thinking about some quotes i’ve read and i wanna hear your thoughts on them because i have a lot and i don’t know what to do with them.

“the day Dick Grayson turns evil is the day the universe ends, not because that day will never come but because the boy will make it come”

“Dick Grayson isn’t the universal constant of good. Dick Grayson is the universal constant of competence”

“So, having said all that, it is a few but definitely significant words that fill the contingency plan on Nightwing in case the hero of Bludhaven ever turns to the dark side. Let's hope that never happens.”

YESSSSS

“the day Dick Grayson turns evil is the day the universe ends, not because that day will never come but because the boy will make it come”

This is the truest fact I've ever heard because this is really canon.

Word for word this happened.

In one of the canon timelines Clark laser blasted Bruce under mind control.

And oh how Dick took over. You know what Luthor says?

"After all, as I've heard your father [Dick] so often quoted, 'we make the hardest decisions for those we care about the most.' Well, in his case...that has meant remaking the world."

This man has the power to single-handedly control the fate of the world.

Whatever he wants, he will make it happen.

The entirety of the justice league, all the metas, heroes, and villains too stood no chance against him.

DC vs Vampires

“Dick Grayson isn’t the universal constant of good. Dick Grayson is the universal constant of competence”

I think it's true.

Nightwing is one of the most formidable figures in DC, without fail consistently coming out on top, so if Superman is iterating that Dick's personality and essence of being is the same, then there's really no room for disagreement.

But more truly, I think he is a Nexus.

By Marvel's definition, "Nexus Beings are rare individual entities with the ability to affect probability and thus the future, thereby altering the flow of the Universal Time Stream. These beings, each referred to as a nexus, act as the keystones of the Multiverse and are crucial to its ultimate coherence and stability."

That means that the universe hinges on the actions of Dick Grayson.

Not only does he control the fate of the world but his mere existence determines what will become of it by other people:

I'd like to reiterate that Neux Beings are "the keystones of the Multiverse and are crucial to its ultimate coherence and stability."

You can still be a nexus if you turn dark. For example Lore was a dark version of Wanda Maximoff but she is still considered a nexus. So you're right in saying that Dick Grayson is a multiuniversal constant of competence.

“So, having said all that, it is a few but definitely significant words that fill the contingency plan on Nightwing in case the hero of Bludhaven ever turns to the dark side. Let's hope that never happens.”

In the easiest terms as someone put it, "hope he fucks up" is Bruce's only contingency plan against Nightwing. The man doesn't have a clear plan how to neutralize Nightwing.

His exact words are: "As a result of overanalyzing any situation, this allows Dick Grayson to overconfident and misdirected. This will make himself open to a second attack."

So the plan is basically 'Dick is too smart for his own good so we'll have to go with a lucky surprise attack.' He's literally saying 'yupppp. Let's just hope he messed up because there's nothing we can do on ouR end.' Note that Bruce doesn't even have a back up like 'the second attack didn't work? we're fucked.'

For everyone else he actually has a coherent plan in mind- do this and they will fall. But for Dick? 'I hope he messes up enough for a second attack to actually stick. Otherwise we're shit out of luck. And lives. Fingers crossed he doesn't jump to the bad side.'

Tim also confirmed he would never make a contingency plan for Dick. The only person in the world he wouldn't do one for.

He's just that formidable of a man. Even now he can easily take down the Justice League if he wanted to.

And we know that Dick has one of the strongest wills on the planet.

"I have my enhancements. I have powers. Dick Grayson...what do you have?"

A world where Dick loses his emotions is a world that would not survive.

[molchanovix]

I can't keep quiet about this

Tw S/A abuse in general PTSD

So, I finally watched all 4 episodes of Hazbin Hotel and I'm gonna share my opinion on why Husk is NOT an asshole for what he said to Angel.

And you guys WILL listen to my perspective as a man who has been sexually assaulted 3 times and relates to Angel heavily in terms of coping, trauma etc etc.

Let's start with obvious things. Did Husk call Angel a whiny power bottom piss baby? Yeah he did. But most of you are not seeing WHY he said that.

A shit ton of people who have been raped in the past turn to sexualizing themselves as a coping mechanism. They act "slutty", turn to dangerous behaviors and addictions to get back control of their bodies that they were stripped of when they were abused. Which is also what Angel does. He can't act how he feels so he doesn't have to actually accept what happened to him, he hides in his fantasies where he is nothing but a toy, where it was his decision to be used wherever Valentino wants to.

He did, in fact, need something as strong as the words Husk said to break free of trying to be the person he is not. If Husk never approached him, never came to that bar, Angel would get drugged, raped, then he would go back to the hotel and cry himself to sleep, so the cycle would continue. And he would never ever complain, because he chose to just act like he wants it.

He didn't just call Angel a crybaby.

Instead, he showed Angel that it's fine if he sucks - everybody does to some degree. But it's fine if he does. He doesn't have to be perfect, he doesn't have to hide in his little world where nothing bad happens to him. He can be himself, and he also has a community that will support and love him, no matter what happens to him.

And Angel accepts this. He can finally start healing after years upon years of sexual abuse.

This episode is so fucking powerful. As a rape victim, I didn't see Husk shit-talking him for the entire song. I saw that I, like Angel, have a community. That I can be happy even if I don't act sexually. That I can accept and move on. Open your fucking eyes.