#because the things she suggested all are things that i'm too terrified to do

[entropyunending]

i wish i knew where all the confidence i had built up went to. i know i was better, once. i know i used to be able to do things and not be so afraid. i don't know why i'm such a coward now. why i don't even want to try anymore.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

I am massively busy with work and finalizing my Big Bang, but this idea just won't leave...

Steve and Eddie are both actors. They're in their mid thirties, well established, but they never starred together in anything. Steve tends to be cast in the same type, the dumb but pretty love interest, Eddie has lots of indie and disturbing movies under his belt. But this time, they both landed something big.

They get cast in the new Batman movie.

Steve is, of course, Batman. He insists on doing his own stunts. He refuses to get dehydrated for his shirtless scenes because he knows how damaging it is to both young men and women alike, he's not going to contribute to shitty expectations. The director (Dustin, duh!) sees something in him other directors never have - a potential for depth, for internal turmoil. He gives Steve the chance to prove himself as an actor and Steve pounces on it.

He's still very hot.

Eddie is cast as the Joker. He is a fan of the comics and scoffs at how absurd and deranged the character is becoming. He gets hired because he immediately says he doesn't think the character needs to rely on cheap tricks and shock value to be terrifying. Cutting off his face? Not cool. He suggests to play the Joker according to one of the older comics he has - one where the Joker is actually absolutely sane, but hides it to never be held accountable for his actions. The only person who ever saw through his ruse was Dr. Harleen Quinzel. Joker took care of that issue very quickly.

The chemistry between Steve and Eddie on screen is insane. They go toe to toe, it's impossible to look away when they interact. Eddie utilizes his bright smile to the maximum, tweaking it just right within moments so it becomes unsettling. The first time he laughs, Steve gets goosebumps.

Steve encompasses Bruce's loneliness so well Eddie's heart breaks for him. Dustin finds him in the trailer, giving himself gentle slaps over the face and muttering "you're evil, damn it, you don't want to comfort the Bat!!".

Batgirl (Robin) and Harley Quinn (Chrissy) find their slow descent into love hilarious. They all become good friends on the set.

Hopper, an acting veteran who plays Commissioner Gordon, grasps Steve's shoulder after an intense fight scene and mutters: "Good job, Steve, but maybe don't stare at his lips so much?"

Robin doesn't give him the same courtesy and once Dustin yells "Cut!", she screeches: "NOW KISS!"

The movie is a hit. People love the cast and the story, some of the OG fans complain as they always do, but the ratings are great, there are many interviews, panels, all of that.

And of course, there's gossip about Steve and Eddie being a thing, which enrages the macho Batman fanbase. Their Batman isn't gay!

But the rumors quickly disappear after an award ceremony where Eddie is nominated for the best supporting actor. He wins, of course. And as he gets up to accept the small statue and deliver a speech with enough "fuck"s to give the censor a headache, he drags Steve up and kisses him in front of the whole world.

A week later, Steve and Eddie are together in front of a camera again, answering questions in an interview.

The host asks: "What do you say to those fans that are disappointed, who say that their Batman isn't gay?"

Steve just snorts, pulls Eddie closer and answers: "They're right. Their Batman isn't gay. But he's definitely bi."

Also the comic story I'm mentioning exits and is short but fantastic. 10/10 recommend.

Oh also. The first spark happens when Steve sees Eddie's hair and blurts out: "Please tell me they're not making you cut it shorter. It's too gorgeous for that."

Also because people were asking about the comics - it's Batman Black and White - Case Study and it can be found on Tumblr HERE

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

Hello lovelyyyyyy!! I hope you’re well and having a lovely spooky season! I saw that you haven’t gotten Lando requests and I find that unacceptable so here goes: lando x driver!reader - a bunch of the drivers end up piling up in someone’s hotel room watching a scary movie. Reader doesn’t want to be a chicken because she knows she’ll get teased, but she’s terrified. Lando notices and tries to comfort her. Maybe covers her eyes during scary bits? Maybe spends the night in her room bc she’s scared to be alone after? Idk go crazy girlie!

Not That Scary - Lando Norris

<word count - 2987>

This was such a dumb idea, but you went along with it. You went along with it since you didn't want to seem like a chicken, even though it now seemed like a very small price to pay in order to get out of this. 

As you all piled into Max's hotel room, ready for the scary movie suggested by the smooth operator himself. You hated scary movies just as much as the next normal person, but you couldn't think of a viable excuse to get out of this. 

There was plenty of room for all of you as you huddled around the TV, some poor souls having to take spots on the floor, or dragging dining room chairs over and trying to get as comfortable as possible. You were one of the first ones in, and you took your spot on the couch in the corner.

Lando and Carlos nearly got into fisticuffs for the final spot on the couch, that was next to you. "Carlos, you can sit here, Lando can sit there. I don't mind taking the floor," you said, wanting to get the film over with, and the longer they took, the longer you had to wait until you could go to your hotel room and forget about this stupid scary movie.

"No no, I'm a gentleman, ladies first. So Lando, the seat is all yours," Carlos quipped with a mischievous smirk on his face. He knew how to rile Lando up, and this was his one way ticket to starting an argument that he knew he'd somehow win. 

"Whatever," Lando mumbled, instantly backing down and flopping down next to you. Carlos chuckled to himself and sat on the floor, his head leaning back on the arm rest beside you. "Can we share the blanket? You're kind of hogging it," Lando said, tugging at the soft, white blanket you had wrapped around your shoulders. 

"Fine fine, just make sure it's definitely half and half, yeah?" you said, draping half over him as he shuffled closer to you so that you'd both be warm. 

"Sure, I can do that," he smiled, keeping to the rule you had set out for him. "Max, what are we watching?" he asked, itching to get the film started. You, on the other hand, were sat there, nervous out of your mind. 

You were hoping they would say a mild-mannered horror film, but Carlos just had to go and ruin the night. "Let's go for it, The Shining," he announced, and there were a lot of approving words as Max found it on the TV. 

"Oh shit, here we go," you mumbled, grabbing a pillow to hold onto through the particularly scary moments. You had your arms wrapped around it, ready to squeeze it instead of screaming through the jumpscares and gory bits. 

"You alright?" Lando asked, hearing your mumbles. He leant in as not to alert the attention of anyone else, since he didn't want you to be uncomfortable if you said you weren't alright. 

"Yeah, yeah, scary movies just aren't really my thing," you smiled, nodding. 

"Neither, but you can squeeze my hand if it gets too scary," he chuckled, moving even closer to you so that you were shoulder to shoulder, and the blanket completely covered the two of you so nobody could see if you did in fact want to squeeze his hand. 

"Thanks," you said as Max started the movie, and a lull fell over the group. For a short while, you all sat there, silent as the movie was still rather tame. Your knee was bouncing up and down out of nerves, and you were slightly jumping at the smallest loud noise or frame change. 

"We can go if you want, you're not enjoying yourself," Lando whispered, placing a tentative hand on your leg to try and stop you from shaking it so much.

"It's OK, I'll settle into it," you dismissed, making no effort to move his hand. Out of habit, his thumb swiped up and down over the skin on your leg. It did offer a small amount of comfort to have his hand there, grounding you. 

"Just let me know if you want to go, we can go," he whispered, leaving you to watch the movie. It was nice to know that he'd make an excuse, but there was no way you were tapping out now. You were locked in, and there was no backing off.

"Thanks," you told him, glueing your eyes back to the screen. You were coping, just about. The pillow was being squashed to death, and you were jumping at even the most minor of scares. Lando thankfully knew when the big ones were, since he had watched the movie before. 

Without warning, Lando covered your eyes with his hand and all you could hear was Jack trying to break down the bathroom door while Wendy screamed in terror. You flicked your eyes over to him, and smiled. 

You mouthed a 'thank you', and he proceeded to mouth back a 'no problem'. Lando took his hand away from your eyes, before swiftly covered you back up again. The sounds alone of whatever was going on on screen was enough for you to take hold of the hand he had on your thigh.

"You're fine, it's not real," he softly chuckled, trying to bring about some sense of solace to you while the movie drew to a close. As the last few scenes played out, you just let yourself lean into him while you held his hand, squeezing every time you got a little scared. 

As he looked around, making sure no one was looking at you, he gently planted a kiss on top of your head before resuming the regular position. You felt yourself relax instantly, even if the movie was still scaring the living hell out of you. 

It was just nice to have someone to lean on, figuratively and literally as you watched the worst thing you had ever seen on TV. Every time you even slightly gripped his hand, he squeezed back, just to remind you he was there.

You were trying to put on a brave face while everyone else was looking relatively stoic. Well, apart from Charles. He had been hiding under the blanket for at least fifteen minutes, and whacked Max every time he laughed at him. 

You didn't want to be subject to any teasing or anything, so you gripped Lando's hand and hoped to god that he wouldn't run around, telling the whole grid how much of a chicken you were being throughout the whole movie. 

As the final shot of Jack, frozen to death flashed on the screen, you let out a tiny squeal of terror, and everyone's eyes turned to you briefly, a few of them giggling away to themselves. "Out of all the things that we have seen, that's what gets you?" Carlos laughed, turning his head to look at you. 

"It was a shock," you said, glad that Carlos hadn't been able to tell how terrified you had been throughout the entirety of the movie. It wasn't before long that everyone was being hauled out of Max's hotel room. 

You would have rather driven 100 laps in Qatar than sat through another minute of that goddamn movie. It felt hot and stuffy in there, and the corridor was like a refrigerator in comparison. 

"Hey, you OK?" Lando asked, catching up to you on the walk back to your hotel room. 

"Yeah, yeah. That movie is going to keep me up all night," you lightly laughed, not looking forward to the impending nightmares that you knew were going to be plaguing your sleep tonight. 

"I can come stay with you if you want, might take the edge off," he offered without a second thought, and you couldn't tell whether he was being actually serious, or taking the cake. 

"Really?" you asked, trying to confirm his intentions. 

"Yeah, it'd be my pleasure. Maybe we can watch something a little less scary, take our minds off of whatever the hell that was," he chuckled with a sincere smile. If he was completely honest with you, he was scared shitless as well, and he wished he had multiple hands to hold your hand, cover his eyes and yours during the movie. 

"I'm in 216, so we'll have to take the elevator or the stairs. But at this point, pretty much everything scares the life out of me, so either is good," you said, starting to walk down the carpeted corridor as people dispersed to their rooms for the night.

"OK, stairs sound a lot better than the elevator right now," he said, causing you to laugh slightly. Lando was clearly just as unsettled as you were, and it would be nice to be scardycats together, as you defended each other from the imaginary monsters that you'd surely be dreaming of. 

The pair of you walked down the stairs of the eerily quiet hotel, and there were a couple times you could have sworn you had seen those two creepy little girls standing at the end of the hallway, but you knew it wasn't real. 

"We're keeping the lights on," you stated when the two of you walked into the hotel room, and Lando wholeheartedly agreed. 

"Absolutely, sounds perfect," he nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He didn't want to just take his shoes off and crawl into your bed, he thought that would be pushing it a bit too far. As if you had read his mind, you hopped in. 

"You can get in one one condition," you smirked, eyeing up the mini fridge in the corner of the room. You were also watching the snacks that were on the table top, and you weren't getting back out of the warm confines of your bed now that you were in.

"Already on it," he sighed, picking up the bags of snacks and throwing them to you. "What drink do you want?" he asked, opening the fridge and seeing what you had. You looked at the selection, and just settled on a mango juice. 

Lando collected your drinks and tentatively got into bed next to you. "Thanks, do you want to sleep or watch a movie?" you asked, cracking open the mango juice and taking a sip. 

"Well, if we sleep, I'll scare the monsters away, I'll protect you," he giggled, nudging you slightly. 

"My knight in shining armour," you rolled your eyes, turning the light out and getting comfy. "If I wake you up in the middle of the night, I'm sorry, OK?" you said, closing your eyes and instantly feeling tiredness take over. 

"Don't worry about it," he chuckled, also feeling really tired. The two of you fell asleep almost instantly, but it wasn't long before you grew restless. 

All you could hear was the sound of Wendy screaming as Jack tried to bust the door down, and you jolted awake, seeing nothing around you but darkness. Sitting bolt upright, you took a couple deep breaths, as you felt stupid for how scared you were of a movie. 

Lando felt the sudden shift, and opened his eyes. Through the darkness, he saw the outline of you, sat up straight and he could hear you breathing. "Hey, you OK?" he whispered, and you turned your head to look at him.

"Yeah, yeah, just... a little on edge. It's stupid, really," you shook your head, fidgeting with your fingers as he held his hand out to you. 

"Don't make this weird, but c'mere," he mumbled, still very clearly half-asleep as you shuffled closer. As you led down beside you, he wrapped his arms around your waist and tugged you so that your back was flushed to his chest. 

"It's not real, yeah? You're safe, I've got you," he quietly rambled as you put your arms on top of his while he held you close. "I won't let anyone hurt you, I'll protect you," he continued to ramble, peppering kisses down your neck as if he had completely forgotten that it was you in his arms. 

The gesture was small, yet intimate and calming and it lulled you into a sense of warm comfort. You mentally scolded yourself for not telling him to stop or pushing him away, but you loved how his lips felt against your skin. He kept them light, but you couldn't help but close your eyes as sleep tried to take you away.

"There you go, you're OK," he mumbled, sensing you were falling asleep as your body relaxed against him. "That's it," he muttered against your neck as you lost consciousness, and it wasn't long before he followed suit. 

You were relaxed, and there weren't anymore interruptions throughout the night. The pair of you were woken up by a loud wrapping on your hotel room door. "Y/N! Wake up!" As you and Lando woke, still entangled in each other's arms, you both looked at each other in horror at the realization of who was outside. 

"What do you want, Carlos?" you groaned, making no effort to move away from Lando as you snuggled further into him. 

"Is Lando there? He's not in his room!" he shouted through the door and Lando groaned into your neck. "Can you open the door please?" Carlos continued. 

"Yeah, one second," you nodded as Lando tried to pull you back into bed with him.

"Just tell him to piss off," he mumbled, nestling himself back into the covers as he instantly felt cold and unsettled without you beside him.

"I'll be quick," you smiled, leaving him in bed and going to open the door for Carlos. The Spaniard was stood there, arms crossed, a slight smirk painted on his face. 

"Is he here?" he asked, trying to look past you and into the room. Your body blocked the view, so he wouldn't be able to see that lump that was Lando under the duvet. 

"No, he's probably gone down for breakfast."

"We already checked, he's not there. We've looked everywhere," he told you as he walked straight into the room, peering around. You held your breath as his gaze turned to the bed, but it was empty. It was obvious where he had gone, but you just prayed to god that Carlos wouldn't check the bathroom. 

"Sorry to intrude, we just thought that he could be in here," he shook his head, not seeing any signs of Lando in the room. He started to walk back out, before turning and opening the bathroom door, and then the shower curtain. 

"Oh hello Lando, didn't think you'd be there," he laughed, his tone dripping with sarcasm. The smirk on Carlos' face was not going to be wiped off any time soon. Lando sat there, cowering in the bath after his poorly thought out idea to hide from Carlos. The effort was commended. 

"I guess the moaning and groaning we all heard last night wasn't from the ghosts and ghouls," he winked as Lando turned bright red. 

"No, we were both scared from the movie last night, so we kept each other company," you explained as Lando sighed. He didn't want Carlos to know he was scared of the film, but he also didn't want everyone to think you two were sleeping together. Well, not in that way. 

"Oh yeah? Calming each other down with the devil's tango? Surely that gets the heart rate going more, no?" he listed, using all of his self-composure not to just laugh in your faces. "You just going to sit in there or are you going to come out, Lando?" Carlos continued. 

Without saying anything, Lando pulled himself of the empty bath and stood next to you, eyes flicking between you and Carlos. "Go get dressed, you two. A couple of us are heading down for breakfast. Wait, Y/N, did a vampire bite you? You've got something on your neck," Carlos said, peering at you. 

You clapped your hand over the area, thinking Lando had gotten a little carried away and you just hadn't noticed. "Kidding," Carlos laughed, knowing he had gotten the reaction he was looking for from you. "No more bone rattling you two, I'll see you in a bit," he giggled, leaving the two of you in the bathroom in silence. 

"I should, you know, I should, uh-" he mumbled, fidgeting with his fingers. 

"Yeah, me too," you nodded, walking out of the bathroom. Lando wanted to stay - he didn't want to leave your side just yet. "I'll see you at breakfast, thanks for last night," you smiled as he approached you. 

Lando opened his arms out as you hugged him back, not wanting to turn out of his embrace. Just as you went to leave the hug, Lando couldn't help but move his lips down to your neck and softly bite his teeth into the flesh. "Lando!" you exclaimed, racing to the mirror to see what he'd done. 

"Wait, Y/N, did a vampire bite you? You've got something on your neck," he chuckled, leaving you gobsmacked as he went to get ready for breakfast. 

"For fucks sake," you mumbled, instantly reaching for the foundation to try and cover up the red teeth marks that were printed on your skin. Your heart was racing, but you couldn't tell whether it was the fear of it being seen, or the thrill of it happening. 

A/N - Yes, I know it isn't spooky season, but I wrote this aaaaages ago and wanted to post it since I actually really like this one. I have more requests coming in, and I am writing quite a few of them at the minute! Keep them coming, hope you're having a wonderful day, and love you 💖

@chilichilichilipep This one is for you my lovely! Your requests are honestly some of my favourites that I get, and I adore them all, even if it takes a few decades for me to write them 🤠

|masterlist|

[avocado-writing]

Okay, I've had this idea bouncing around in my head, waiting for you to reopen suggestions, haha. How do you think the Origins Companions + Halsin, Rolan, Dammon, and Zevlor would react if they found out that Tav had been hiding a very serious injury from them? The kind of injury where Tav is convinced that they're fine and they don't want to worry anyone with something they can handle on their own, especially the people they care most for, but as they try to ignore the injury it only gets worse until it's potentially life threatening and they can't keep up the facade anymore. I will leave it up to you whether or not Tav and the other individual are in a romantic relationship. I think both ways have potential for wonderful angst 😆

ooohhh noooooo! but also oh yes, LOVE this sort of angst lol. written as if you have had an infection come on from an injury. this is gonna be a long list so let's buckle up...

Astarion

really tries to hide his panic but fails miserably.

can't help but start snapping - how could you keep something like this from him?

you try to give your excuses but he waves them away, angry, but mostly because he's terrified that he might have lost you.

if he has any healing potions he helps you take them, if he doesn't he immediately... sources some from somewhere.

holds you as tight as he dares, worried that he will aggravate the injury otherwise.

as you begin to heal and drift off to sleep he spends the whole night watching you rest, making sure that you're still breathing, still safe. doesn't mind when you cuddle up to him in the night, sleepily.

Gale

curses himself for not noticing your condition. he's a wizard, damn it! he's meant to be bloody perceptive.

wishes for the first time ever that he didn't just know wizard spells. wishes he knew how to heal, too.

makes you as comfortable as he can while he finds a book about what he can do for an infected wound, probably swallowing his pride and going to Shadowheart if it's bad enough.

you manage a weak, "Gale, you don't have to--", and he cuts you off, "if you're going to insist that I don't have to look after you, I'm telling you that I do."

fixes you something to help with the pain and infection, makes sure you drink it all despite the horrid taste, then tucks you into his bedroll to let you rest.

when you go to reach out and cuddle him he slips into your arms, presses his lips to your hair, and whispers as you fall asleep about how much you scared him. about how he'd never be able to lose you.

Lae'zel

only realises how unwell you are when you fall over mid-journey.

"tsk'va! why did you hide the extent of your injuries from me?"

hauls you onto her back and carries you back to camp, muttering about your foolishness the whole time.

makes you comfortable in her tent and uses her knowledge of githyanki medicine to help start healing you.

it isn't comfortable as she works on your infection but for the first time you feel her hands being soft rather than vicious.

"you should not have kept this from me." "I know. I'm sorry." "hm. ridiculous thing. zhak vo'n'fynh duj."

goes and intimidates the camp into being quiet so you can rest. it works. this is the nicest she's ever been to you. you could get used to it.

Shadowheart

obviously this is not a huge problem for her, but she is still worried that it got so far without her noticing.

immediately heals you, pouring far too many spell slots into your body in order to get it up and running again.

it helps, immediately breaking the fever you've been nursing, and the touch of Shadowheart's hand to your face is cooling and reassuring.

"lady shar teaches us to embrace our pain... but not like this. you should have known better. you could have died."

her hand slips down to cup your cheek, you cover it with one of your own. she's telling you off but you can tell it's because she cares.

"I'm sorry that I scared you." "I know. don't do it again."

she smiles and the ache in your heart is lifted, too.

Wyll

panics.

you collapse on day in camp and he immediately calls on the others for help, not so proud as to be unable to admit when something is out of his knowledge. he is not a healer. he needs help.

he manages to catch you in his arms as you tumble, hugging you close to his chest while magic is worked or a healer checks you over.

lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding when you begin to stabilise.

helps you back to your tent to rest, gently chiding you but letting you know that he's glad you're alright.

when your hand weakly comes up to touch him, he indulges you in a kiss to let you know how relieved he is.

constantly watching you on the battlefield from that moment on. if he can help it, you'll never be hurt again.

Karlach

another panicker.

scoops you up in her arms and holds you to her chest, running to the tent of the nearest healer in camp - or, if you're in the city, kicking down the door of a local doctor.

begging the healer to check you over, but is reluctant to let you go. if she stops holding you it's like she's relinquishing control and that scares the life out of her.

you're healed and she feels you start to stir in her arms, peppering you with kisses of relief, choking through her tears that you're never to scare her like that again.

carries you back home, even if you're totally capable of walking. she just wants to make sure you're okay.

Halsin

sternly disappointed that you didn't tell him, but more annoyed that he didn't notice something was wrong himself. how could he not see how out of balance with nature you were?

squirrels you away to his tent to heal you, make you soothing and medicinal teas, his big hands over the source of the infection.

you burrow into his touch, into his chest, and you end up sitting in his lap as he heals you.

he wants to tell you off a little, but is more relieved that you're alright. encourages you to share all your burdens with him.

kisses you on the forehead, then on the mouth when he's sure you're strong enough for it not to knock you flat.

Dammon

my poor boy is just a blacksmith, so though he doesn't exactly panic, he does scoop you up and try to find a healer as soon as he can.

waits quietly and nervously as you are examined, silently cursing himself for being too busy to see how you were hurt. he's meant to be better than this. he's meant to love you, how didn't he notice?

when you come to he can't stop apologising, and it takes several of your kisses to soothe him and tell him it was not his fault but yours.

he makes you promise that you'll always tell him when you're hurt. has you look into his eyes and swear it.

he can't do much on the battlefield but he can protect you where he can.

Rolan

another one cursing that he doesn't know healing spells.

"you aren't meant to die, gods damn it! you're meant to be strong... what good am I if I can't keep you safe..."

rushes you to the best doctor in Baldur's Gate. pays for all the treatment that you could need. holds your hand at your bedside for your entire recovery... until you come back to consciousness, of course, at which point he just starts telling you off for being stupid enough to get into his mess in the first place.

you grab him by the collar and drag him down for a kiss. that finally shuts him up. but he never lets you forget how foolish you were.

Zevlor

practical but still worried about you.

you collapse in the field and he finds a safe place to hide the both of you from dangerous eyes, using his Lay on Hands ability to channel his magic into healing.

you try to apologise but a finger to your lips silences you, and all you can do is watch in quiet wonder as he burns the infection out with his Paladin's light.

when you're better he gently chides you. tells you that you have people relying on your leadership, and that a problem shared means there are more heads working on how to fix it.

when he sees how sorry you are lets you cuddle into him. when you say you'll repay him, he insists your happiness and well-being is enough for an old warrior like him.

does take the kiss you offer, though. he's been wanting to do that for a while...

[rimunagenius]

Off Day

ʚ pairing: Kate Martin x Roommate!reader

ʚ word count: 2.6k words

ʚ warnings: RPF!! angst, creepy!stalker-ish!classmate, harassment, some fluff at the end

ʚ ri speaks: okay so i literally just dropped part one and the masterlist and right after i literally wrote this part! i literally pulled this series out of my ass last night…pardon my french. so i finished the masterlist and first part last night and so far, the feedback im getting is really good so…yay!☺️ anyways, this part is a little dark? but trustttt it will be resolved soon.

Part 2

| Series Masterlist |

You desperately wanted to crawl back into bed, get back under the cool covers, and just lie there until the world ended. Or until Kate got home. Either way, you wanted to be anywhere but class.

Something about today was so off. You woke up and did your routine like any normal day. Kate left earlier than you but came back right before you left. You left her breakfast or lunch, whatever she decided to classify it as on the counter, and said you'd see her later at practice. That was 3 hours ago.

But today you had an exam in your anatomy class. This class was easy but you just did not want to be there because of Nick. Ever since a couple of days ago when you told Kate what went down between him and Gabbie, he's been relentless in getting the details of "your and Kate's relationship." You didn't want to tell him it wasn't Kate because you'd rather have to pretend to date her than anyone in California. Especially the girls you knew.

Something about Nick was off so you weren't going to pick a random girl in your following on Instagram. Knowing him, he'd probably stalk the poor woman. You just wanted to skip this class altogether. You hoped this line in the coffee shop on campus would move faster to possibly find a seat where other people could fill in around you before he could.

"Hey!" You turned your head, pulled one airpod out of your ear, and smiled at the brunette next to you. Her name was Juliana and you had class with her in like ten minutes.

"Oh, my god, hi!" You put the AirPod back in its case, abandoning the tranquility for the rest of whatever conversation was going to ensue.

"Not to be nosy or get in your business, and I really don't want to make you uncomfortable, but that guy over there keeps staring at you." She pointed her finger, subtly, in the direction behind her. You got to be fucken kidding…Nick. "He's been saying things to people in anatomy, saying you guys are talking, and how he doesn't like how you're too close to Kate. Or something like that, it's all unclear. But I found it weird and thought you should know." Her face looked genuinely concerned. Her eyes went soft as she looked at your expression change from friendly to somewhat terrified.

"Oh, my god. Thanks for telling me. I don't even know him. He's asked me out a couple of times but I rejected him. Who is he telling? Do a lot of people know?" You asked her. Your hands started to get clammy, as you started to move to the pick-up counter, your name being called; your drink ready.

"I honestly have no idea, but if anyone asks just tell them you're in a relationship." Juliana suggested, unsure of how to handle the whole situation.

"Yeah, I thought he'd leave me alone when my friend Gabbie had said I was seeing someone already. He automatically assumed it was my best friend Kate." You really thought this was behind you. This was probably the bad feeling you've been feeling all day.

"Oh, so you're not dating Kate?" Juliana asked, her face lightening up.

"No, but she said she was okay with going along with it to keep him away from me. Why? You like her?" You had no idea she swung that way. She usually talked about boy drama whenever you guys did group work in your class.

"Uh, no. But if she decides to start seeing someone and needs to drop the whole "fake girlfriend" thing, you can definitely ask me. I'm happy to help." She smiled warmly at you. You were very grateful for her willingness to help.

"Oh, okay. Thank you so much!" Her friend then called her over, and you both said goodbye. You had already made it to your class. Juliana keeping you company the whole way. You walked in and took a seat, pulling out your phone. You figured you could text Kate and let her know that if Juliana was willing to help, you'd relieve her of her duties. You also wanted to catch her up on what the hell went down in the coffee shop.

"you will not believe what just happened..."

almost instantly, her response bubble popped up.

"omg, what?"

"a friend in my anatomy class came up to me in better buzz and told me some guy was staring at me"

"what guy? are you okay?"

"and the guy was Nick!"

"oh..."

"apparently he's telling people me and him are talking but doesn't like how me and you are so close"

"wtf. are you serious?"

"did you tell her that me and u were together?"

"ab that...she said she would be down to be my "girlfriend" if I needed it. so I was thinking I would just tell ppl that me n her are together, so that way you're not dragged into this mess lol"

"Oh."

"okay for sure."

"I gtg. I'll see you later at practice!"

"alright, see you later. love you!"

" 'bear <3 loved "alright, see you later. love you!" "

Usually, she said it back. You, Kate, and all the girls got in the habit of saying 'love you' to one another because it was true. You all loved each other so dearly. None of you had shame in how you felt about one another and how close you held each other to your hearts. But you just decided to brush it off, she was probably just super busy. 

You honestly had no idea why your mind told you to read into everything she's been saying and texting you, lately. I was seriously getting unhealthy with how much you worried about what she thought about you. You were lost in thought before someone took a seat next to you. Assuming it was Juliana because she was just outside with her friends, you turned to tell her that if she was down to be your "girlfriend." You were pretty startled to see it wasn't her but Nick instead. 

"So, how have you been?" He asked. Something about him seemingly so off. You didn't like the feeling you got around him at all. You noticed his gaze following you out of the shop with Juliana ten minutes ago. You looked around the room, the spots in the class filling up quickly. You saw Juliana walk in, but before you could get her attention, Nick moved into your line of sight and prevented anyone from coming between you two. 

"Uh, good?" You looked down at your phone trying to find anything to keep you looking as uninterested as possible. 

"That's it? Nothing else to say to me?" He seemed to be growing more irritable with the short responses. 

"I don't know what you want me to say, I didn't want to talk to you anyway." You looked at him, wishing he'd go away. You didn't want to say it out loud and catch the attention of everyone around you. 

"Oh, now that's not nice. That's no way to talk to your boyfriend." He said, a weird smile encroaching on his lips. You did not like this at all. You were genuinely starting to get scared. You pulled up Juliana's number, thankful you asked for it last week so you could send her the notes she missed. 

"911. he's starting to really freak me out." 

You sent the message and immediately Nick asked who you had been texting. "Can you please, for the love of god, leave me alone? I'm seeing someone." The smirk on his face dropped, a cold stare being directed right at you. 

"No, you're not. You're seeing me." 

"No, she's not you creep. She's my girlfriend." Juliana then sat on the opposite side of you, staring Nick down. Nick's face flushed, his eyes looking at a few people who had turned around to see what was going on. She placed a hand on your leg.

It wasn't long after your exam and when the class was dismissed that Nick approached you again. He tried to talk to you, you just want to get straight to the Carver stadium. No students that weren't on the team or staff weren't allowed in. You just needed to get there as quickly as possible. 

"Hey! Stop ignoring me." Nick semi-shouted at you. You had put both airpods in, trying to tune him out. It wasn't until he tried to grab your arm and pull you back from walking away from him that you turned around ready to blow up before your saving grace came up to both of you. 

"Hey, man! Watch the fuck out. I don't know who you think you are but you are not gonna put your hands on my friend like that. Not like that, not now, and not ever." Hannah, with the hand she had placed on his arm to throw it off you, pushed him back a little before putting her arm around your shoulder and walking away from him. "That was fucking weird. You know that guy?" She looked back to see if he was still there, and indeed he was. Watching you both walk in the direction towards the arena. 

"No, actually. He's a fucking creep who asked me out a couple of times and took it horribly. He's been harassing me for a little. He was staring at me while I was getting coffee before my class like two hours ago." You said, calming down significantly since Hannah showed up. But your stomach was still uneasy and you really did not want to go to that class tomorrow or ever until he was gone and far away from Iowa City. 

"Yeah, don't walk around campus alone anymore. I'll come to find you after every—what class is this?" 

"Anatomy." 

"Okay, after every one of your anatomy classes, I'll come to find you and we can go to practice together. Do you have friends that know what classes you have and can walk you?" Now that you think about it, Juliana was in a lot of your classes. She wanted to do nursing so most classes you had in the week, were with her. 

"Yeah, funny story. The girl that's pretending to be my girlfriend to keep that guy away, which he obviously doesn't give a damn about, is in a lot of my classes. And it works out because the ones she's not in, Kate takes me because they're on her way." You smiled at the tall girl, grateful. 

"Okay, good. I don't want you getting stalked and possibly worse because of that guy. You should report him before it gets too bad." Hannah suggested, and rightfully so. 

"Yeah, I will. Thanks again, Hannah."

The girls' practice was going well. Until it wasn't. 

"Hey, you got a minute?" You were organizing gauze and wraps in the med bag behind the bench before you looked up and saw Kate holding her nose. 

"Yes, of course, Kate. Another one?" You looked at the girl as she walked around the bench and you handed her a towel. She broke her nose every year, you and Caitlin swore on it. You grabbed some gauze squares and put them in each nostril, to absorb as much blood as possible before you completely ruined the towel. 

"Don't tilt your head back. It could cause clots." You knew she already knew that with how prone Kate was to bloody noses. But it never hurts to refresh her mind, as it is instinct to stop the bleeding. 

"Yeah, thanks." You and Kate stood there while the bleeding stopped. "Alright, I think I'm good." She said a small smile on her face. You saw some blood on her shirt, grabbing the small bottle of peroxide in the bag, and a small gauze pad, you tried to soak as much of it out so it was easier for her when she did laundry. Suddenly your phone started buzzing. A new notification every second. 

"Jeez, who is blowing up your phone?" Kate asked, as she looked at your screen lighting up and watching the notifications pop up one by one.

"I don't know. Can you check?" You asked as you tried to get the last spot of blood off her clothes. 

"It's Instagram. Someone named Nick? Is it that same Nick guy Hannah said harassed the fuck out of you today?" She set your phone down. Your stomach immediately churning. You were honestly getting the creeps. 

"Oh my god. She told you?" You asked as you looked into Kate's eyes. Both of yours mirroring each other. The same worried look. 

"Yeah, and I'm glad she did. You need to say something. Or I can if you're not comfortable." Kate suggested. Now six more new notifications popped up, all from Nick. "I'll block him for you." She said, picking up your phone but stopping to look at you. Her eyes silently asking if that was okay with you.

"Yeah, please." You sighed as you threw the gauze squares away, putting the peroxide back before watching Kate block Nick. On your main and spam account. You have no idea how he found you; your name isn’t in the usernames. You really should go private and change your message settings. "Alright lemme check your nose though, to make sure it's not broken." There was absolutely no need to do this. You knew it was probably just a simple elbow or ball to the face. You both would've known if it was broken. 

"Alright." She sat on the bench, signature manspread. Good lord. You stood between her legs, putting pressure on different parts of her nose, checking for any indication of pain. It was a little tender but that was obvious, and so was you making an excuse to keep Kate a little longer. I mean, could she blame you? You haven't seen her much in the last couple of days. Late practices you missed for studying for your exam, her leaving earlier than you and by the time you get home she's either asleep or visiting her nephew. You missed your best friend.

You could see her looking at you as you checked. Your eyes meet once or twice, small giggles escaping your lips every time. Her eyes dropping to your lips occasionally, watching your tongue poke out a little as you focused on the task at hand. That made her giggle too. "Okay, bear. You're good." You kissed the top of her head and patted her shoulder before she stood up and ran back to the court. 

"If I roll my ankle, do I get a cute nickname and a kiss too?" Caitlin shouted as she pretended to throw herself on the ground. You laughed at her antics loudly before nodding your head and yelling yes. You laughed harder as she pretended to limp towards you. 

"Yeah, I'm gonna need like ten kisses to make this unbearable pain go away."  She fakes winced as she took a seat in the spot Kate was previously in, resting her "injured" foot on the chairs next to her. 

"Oh for sure, Cait." You laughed.

Suddenly, Sydney, Kylie, Jada, and Gabbie, hobbled over pretending to be injured to get their kisses too. "You need one too, Coach Bluder?" You shouted after you made your way through half the lineup. You made the assistant coaches laugh, including Coach herself. The practice was better after that, but you just couldn't shake the events from today off. 

Maybe another movie night with Kate would fix this. A lot of ice cream must be eaten tonight. Just one night, peaceful, and Nick free.

[phoward89]

Banner by me, dividers by @saradika-graphics

Coriolanus Snow might be a heartless monster, but he'll always be yours. You'll always be his obsession. And that was one thing that Dr. Gaul underestimated her protege about: his obsession with you.

Masterlist here

Heartless Pt. 2

Coriolanus always thought that if he ever laid eyes on you again that he'd kill you. Wrap his hands around your neck, squeeze, and watch your life force drain out of you. He always thought that he'd look deep into your eyes until they glazed over with the death that he brought you.

But Coriolanus never thought that when he saw you again that he'd be keeping vigil at your bedside, watching your ashen form weak and in an endless sleep, while rocking your- his newborn son in his arms.

A son that he only found out about when your older brother called him up, frantic.

That call changed everything. It replayed in his mind on an endless loop as he stared at you, hopelessly willing you to open your eyes.

Coriolanus was sitting in his office in the lab. He finally got promoted from intern to assistant. Coriolanus was right underneath Dr.Gaul; he was proud of how quickly he was promoted.

7 months of hard work had paid off. He now had power, authorization to top secret projects and documents, and a large say so when it came to gamemaker duties. His work was very important to him; he had the steel spine that it took to make the hard decisions that some other game make s and interns turned green about.

Coriolanus Snow was rewarded because he was a heartless monster that did anything to get the result that he needed. That he wanted. He would do anything to see the games remain a success, even if that meant proposing some measures that would make the game a total spectucal.

Dr. Gaul approved of all of his ideas and suggestions. And the one that she pushed for, well he approved of and pressured the other low level gamemakers into approving it too.

It was genius, his mentor’s idea.

Having all children born on District Peacekeeper Bases be registered as a district citizen belong to the district of their birth instead of being granted automatic Capitol citizenship would ensure that their was a larger participation pool for the games; it also prevented too many officers from muddying their Capitol blood with that of district scum.

Coriolanus was looking over a chart for a mutt experiment whenever his private office phone started to ring.

Ring, ring ring…Ring, ring, ring…Ring, ring, ring…

Oh no, was Grandma'am’s memory worsening? Was she giving Ma Plinth a hard time? God, he hopes not.

Ring, ring, ring…

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he let out a deep sigh before picking up the phone. “Assistant Gamemaker, Coriolanus Snow. Whom may I be speaking with?”

“Snow, it’s Officer Rein Halvir, Y/N’s older brother. I'm calling because I need you to get to the base in District 12 right away. Y/N’s been in labor for nearly 36 hours, the doctor won't do a cesarean because Dr. Gaul put into effect a new policy that surgical resources can only be used for peacekeepers and not any civilians living on base, and it's not looking good, Coriolanus.”

“What?...” Was all Coriolanus could say. He was stunned. You could possibly be dying in childbirth? With a child he didn't know about? And on a district base.

On a district base.

Oh no! Not that!

“She was afraid to tell you, Snow. You had her terrified with the stalking: nonstop roses and jewelry. Our mother sent her to stay with me. Once it was announced that children born on district bases would be district citizens and eligible for the games, I tried to get her to go back to the Capitol, but mother refused to let her come back. I even told Y/N to call you; try to work things out with you, but she refused. Said that you never loved her; wouldn't care what happened to her or the baby.”

“I’ll talk to Dr. Gaul about approving a cesarean for Y/N right away.” Coriolanus told Rein as his dead heart started to bleed.

“Thank you, Snow.” Rein replied, a hint of gratefulness in his normally stern tone. “Will you be coming to the base? To see-” your brother began to ask, only for your ex to cut him off with, “I’ll be there, but only because I don't want my child raised in such a filthy, mud hole of a district as 12.”

Coriolanus didn't say another word. Just hung up his phone.

Machines beeped, monitoring you as you slept. Coriolanus felt that you looked dead, not asleep. He was so angry. You weren't supposed to be unconscious in your bed. You were supposed to be up, sitting in bed, holding your baby. You were supposed to scream and cry at him when he walked into your room. You weren't supposed to be just lying there, hanging in-between life and death.

Not when he had faxed the paperwork with Dr. Gaul's signature for the approval of your emergency cesarean.

You were supposed to be okay. You and the baby both. Not just the baby.

As Coriolanus watched you, waiting for a sign of life, he got lost in the recent memory of when he first saw you again.

When Coriolanus got off the train at the District 12 depot, he thought your brother would be there to greet him, but he was wrong. Instead, he had to make his own way to the District 12 base. Thank God he knew where it was, from his short stint as a peacekeeper, otherwise he'd be lost.

The walk to the base was long and grueling. He’d forgotten how far off the base was from the train depot. From the main part of the district itself.

Once he reached the on base hospital, he inquired about your whereabouts and was told where to find you. When he walked into your room, he was expecting you to be tired, but conscious. He even thought you'd be holding or nursing the baby.

Coriolanus never thought he'd walk into your room only to see you hooked up to a machine with your brother’s girlfriend (some district trash he picked up at the hob) by your side. A baby bassinet between your bed and her chair.

She introduced herself as Ashlie (didn't give a surname, not like he cared) and gestured to the bassinet, only to tell him, “That's your son, Cassian Xandros.”

Cassian Xandros.

A name befitting a Snow heir.

“You may go now. I'll watch over her.” Coriolanus told the skinny girl, who looked to be from the Seam. He didn't even bother to introduce himself. He just wanted her to go so he could- hell he didn't know, he guessed sit by your bedside until you woke up, but he didn't want some district whore watching him as he sat by your bedside with your son.

His son.

Cassian Xandros.

Ashlie nodded, a pitiful look in her eyes. She felt bad for both you and Coriolanus, but was too afraid to voice her opinion. The Seam girl just scurried out of the room, leaving Coriolanus alone with you and your son.

She didn't know much about what happened between the two of you, just what Rein told her. And your brother didn't share much since he only knew the handful of facts that you shared with him.

What both Rein and Ashlie knew for certain was that your son with his pure Capitol blood and fine Snow linage was doomed for a chance to fight for his life in the infamous death battle royale known as the Hunger Games all because he was born on Peacekeeper Base-12.

Her heart broke for you, Coriolanus, and your son because no matter if you lived or died, well the platinum blonde father would never be able to bring his son home to the Capitol with him. District born citizens of Panem were forbidden to travel outside of their district of birth unless it was to be delivered to the Capitol as a tribute for the annual Hunger Games. Due to the new rules and laws put into place regarding children born on bases being registered at birth as a citizen of the district of the base, your son was forbidden to leave District 12.

If you die, well, Coriolanus will have to give Cassian Xandros up to Rein (and Ashlie) to raise. That subject’s the reason why your brother’s avoiding Snow.

Once your brother's girlfriend had left, Coriolanus sat down in the chair she had once been occupying. He sadly sighed as he took in your condition.

When his eyes landed on his son, he felt pride well up in his chest. The boy, Cassian Xandros, had his natural platinum blonde hair.

He looked just like him.

Was his little mini me.

He gently picked up his baby boy and cradled him to his chest. When Cassian began to stir Coriolanus rocked him. “Don't worry, son, I got rid of the evil lady that tried to take you and your mother away from me.”

Cassian blinked his eyes open, revealing them to be blue. Coriolanus smiled at his son, seeing that he had striking blue eyes, and told his son, “You're mine and your mother's mine. Nobody ever takes what's mine and gets away with it.”

The baby just blinked at his father, not understanding anything he was saying since, after all, he was just a newborn, and then scrunched his nose. He then closed his eyes and went to sleep in his father's arms.

His father's murderous, monstrous arms.

When your eyes fluttered open, Coriolanus felt a sense of relief he didn't know possible. After not knowing if you'd ever wake up, seeing your beautiful eyes again was like heaven.

And to think that he had once vowed to kill you if he ever crossed your path again. But that was when he thought you gave up on him.

No, things changed when he realized that you were trying to protect the Snow heir because you felt unsafe after that package you recieved.

That damn package Dr. Gaul, his mentor, had sent you. A tape with a letter persuading you that he was incapable of loving you.

A letter he didn't know about until Dr. Gaul let it slip when he approached her about signing off on your emergency cesarean forms.

Too bad she let it slip…Well, too bad for her since it ended her career. And ended her too, by the hands of her most prized prodigy.

The memory makes Coriolanus smile as it washed over him like a warm waterfall.

Coriolanus strode into Dr. Gaul's private lab, where she had her latest deadly mutt experiment in a terrarium, with one mission in mind. To get Dr. Gaul's approval for your cesarean.

He might hate you for leaving, but he didn't want you to die in childbirth with his baby. He didn't want you and your child to succumb to the same fate as his mother and baby sister.

Not when he could help it.

He was a child when his mother and baby sister died during child birth in the Dark Days, he was helpless when it came to their fate.

But now Coriolanus was a man, a very successful one that had cunning, wits, and charm to carry him far. He had an endless supply of money too. He was no longer helpless when it came to the fate of his- well his heir and it's mother during a deadly childbirth.

Coriolanus now has the means to beat fate when it came to death in the birthing bed; he was going to make sure that you and his heir did not share the same fate his mother and baby sister all those years ago during the war.

“Dr. Gaul, I need you to sign off on an emergency cesarean for Miss Y/N Halvir. She's at the military hospital ob Peacekeeper Base-12.”

“Hippity, hoppity, looks like Snow's melting for a baby boppity.” Dr. Gaul sing-songed in a mocking cackle as she watched the mutts moving around in their tank.

They looked agitated, starved even, as their colorful bodies slithered around, sharp claws scratching their glass enclosure, and sharp teeth gnashing and snapping.

The mad scientist was teasing them by holding a bucket full of food, pulling a rodent from it and dangling it by the glass terrarium. She was teasing them, gauging their reaction to her lunchtime torture.

She had snatched away her most successful experiment’s most desperately wanted meal before he could eat; Dr. Gaul had even spoon fed him a meal that was just as good, but not what he wanted. It was what he needed, what she needed him to have to be the monstrous creature she wanted by her side to do her bidding.

She enjoyed teasing and taunting her experiments.

The only creatures of hers that she actually fed were her eels. But…they were more like beloved, dangerous, pets then mutts at this point since Dr. Gaul's had them for so many years.

Dr. Gaul placed the squirming mouse back into the bucket, turning away from the glass tank to look at Coriolanus. “No.” She simply said before walking across the lab to shelf the bucket of rodents.

She'd have an assistant feed the baby anthropomorphic reptiles in the terrarium later, after she shooed away her favorite creation, Mr. Snow, and had her milk and crackers.

“No?” Coriolanus parroted, his tone full of disbelief.

How dare she tell him no? He wasn't asking her to authorize a procedure on anyone, but the mother of his child.

“But, Dr. Gaul, without the procedure Y/N and the baby might die.”

“If they die then they die, Coriolanus.” The mad scientist shrugged nonchalantly. “Death is a natural part of life. If someone weaker or lesser than is removed from the cycle of life then it just proves that their contribution to the ecosystem would not have mattered. Death is the natural way of purging those creatures that are useless in the world.”

Coriolanus could not believe what he was hearing. His mentor was giving him a lecture on why he needed to let the mother of his child and his heir die.

Was he supposed to agree with her?

Well, he couldn't do that.

He didn't want his heir to die.

And you…well…he wanted to be the one that killed you. For leaving him, of course.

“I'm not talking about weak helpless creatures, I'm talking about-” Coriolanus began to say, only for the mad scientist to cut him off with a scoff.

“The little girl that left you over a few words of warning penned in a letter and your damning tape of your best friend Sejanus’ rebel plot. Her bastard offspring that’ll be as weak hearted as its mother. That's who you're talking about, Mr. Snow.” Dr. Gaul told, not asked, Coriolanus as she crossed her lab. Going over to where she had a small table with crackers and milk set up for her snack.

A letter? What letter? He knew about the tape, but not a letter. You never told him about the letter.

“Might as well be weak helpless creatures, considering their dire circumstances and the lowly district they're in.” The mad woman added in as a slight after thought.

“I never told you she received a letter.” Coriolanus, who had figured out what Dr. Gaul has done, told the scientist while following her. His floor shines clicked heavily against the linoleum floor as he told her, “The only way you'd know would be if you sent it.”

Taking a seat at her small snack table, the scientist with wild, frizzy hair, giggled, “Oh, yes, you see, it was indeed me that sent the weak little girl that care package.” Reaching for her napkin and snapping it open, she evilly grinned, “Miss Y/N Halvir and the bastard she carries would only have held you back.” Setting her napkin on her lap, she explained, “The feelings they would have invoked in you would only make you weak.” Giving her protege a proud smile, she giddily announced, “I only made you stronger by removing an element not needed in your life at the moment.” Reaching for a cracker that was on a plate, Dr. Gaul failed to see the rage in Coriolanus' blue eyes. Perhaps if she did, she wouldn't have said, “You should be thanking me, for making you stronger and more powerful then you could have been months ago with the weakness of that stupid girl and the vile creature she's incubating.”

Hearing Dr. Gaul calling you stupid and calling his child a vile creature was the final straw that broke the camel's back. Coriolanus was barely hanging onto his sanity when he realized that Dr. Gaul made you leave him, made you want to protect his child from any dangers (including him) because of a letter and a tape she sent you. But the moment she insulted you, the woman that has consumed his thoughts and has been his obsession since his freshman year in the Academy, and his child in a way that made you seem inhuman, well, he snapped.

He was blinded with rage as he pounced on the mad scientist, catching her off guard and causing her to fall backwards; off her chair.

Coriolanus kneeled over her while wrapping his hands around her throat.

“Y/N was mine, you knew she was mine, and you took her from me! You took her and our child from me when you knew all I wanted was a life with her!” Coriolanus wildly exclaimed as he choked the life out of Dr. Gaul.

“Everything I've ever done was all for her! I needed to win the Plinth prize for her, for our life together, and I had to find a way out of the Peacekeepers, out of 12, for her! You knew that and still, you made her think she meant nothing to me; made her view me as a monster and leave me!” The platinum blonde ranted as his long fingers pressed so hard into the dark skinned woman’s neck that the bones began to crack.

Dr. Gaul gasped for air as her lungs felt like they were going to explode. Her eyes were wide and frenzied with the horrific realization that her favorite mutt, the monster she molded and shaped, had turned on her all because somewhere deep down inside of his black, dead heart, he still had a space reserved for his childhood sweetheart.

The blood vessels in Dr. Gaul's eyes burst due to the pressure Coriolanus was applying to her airway. He smirked wickedly as he watched the life drain from her.

“Snow lands on top.” Was the last thing Dr. Gaul heard before she died and went straight to hell.

Coriolanus, upon seeing that the evil scientist was dead, quickly tossed her into the pool of eels to cover up the crime.

Then he forged her signature on the documents needed for your cesarean; faxed them to the hospital on the base in District 12. He also made a quick note in her desk planner stating that he had to take an emergency family leave due to the birth of his first child. It was the perfect alibi to cover his tracks. Nobody would question his whereabouts if they thought Dr. Gaul herself authorized your emergency cesarean, authorized his family leave as well.

You were weak as you took in the bright artificial lights of your hospital room. When you tried to sit up, you were gently stopped by a large hand you hadn't seen in months. “You need to rest, darling. You're still weak.” A baritone you never thought you'd ever hear again told you.

Looking towards the voice, you saw Coriolanus sitting by your bedside with your baby in his arms. Your heart stopped beating and all you could say was, “My baby.”

You didn't know if you were afraid that your ex was holding your son or overwhelmed with a sick sense of joy, but all you knew was that you wanted your baby.

“Our baby, Y/N.” Coriolanus corrected you before standing and placing the newborn into your awaiting arms.

As you held your son to your chest, you shuddered and began crying. The last thing you remember was passing out and when you woke up…well…you had no idea what happened to the baby.

“Did my brother call you?” You asked, realizing that's the only way Coriolanus would know where to find you. Honestly, you were shocked he even came when Rein called.

“Yes.” The platinum blonde nodded. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he wrapped an arm around your back and promised, “As soon as your cleared to leave, I'm bringing you and Cassian Xandros home with me, to the Capitol.”

Looking between your son, nestled soundly in your arms, and his father, you sadly sighed, “Cassian's district, Coriolanus. He was born on base; he won't be allowed on the train.”

“Don't worry about that, my darling rose. I promise, our son will be allowed to return to the Capitol with us.”

You doubted your ex’s words, but nodded anyways.

Little did you know that Coriolanus threatened to kill the nurse’s family who gave him the registration papers for your son if he was marked down as anything, but born in Capitol General.

Like hell was his son, his heir, going to be district. His son wasn't going to grow up in a filthy mud hole. And he sure as hell wasn't going to be fighting for his life in the games.

Coriolanus kills so that his son, Cassian, doesn't have to.

So, folded up neatly in his pocket was a birth certificate that falsely states that Cassian Xandros Snow was born at Capitol General, in Capitol City, Panem.

Even tho Coriolanus Snow was a heartless monster, he was yours. He’s always been obsessed with you and now that you share a child with him, well, even the devil couldn't keep you and your son from him.

After all, he did send the wicked witch of the Citadel to hell for you and his son.

Tags: @kuroosbby001, @purriteen, @poppyflower-22, @meetmeatyourworst, @whipwhoops, @bxtchopolis, @readingthingsonhere,@savagenctzen, @ryswritingrecord, @erikasurfer, @tulips2715, @universal-s1ut, @thesmutconnoisseur, @squidscottjeans, @sudek4l, @wearemadeofstardust0, @mashiromochi, @gracieroxzy, @belcalis9503, @shari-berri, @aoi-targaryen, @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons , @qoopeeya , @mfnqueen1

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Cod Characters General Dating Headcanons (part two)

+ Random and Some bits of Chubby Fem S/O Headcanons with mentions of different nationality S/O

+ What type of BF/GF they would be

Including Valeria Garza, Farah Karim, Kate Laswell, Alex Keller, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Nikolai Belinski

+ Some Poly! Farah x Reader x Alex Headcanons

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Fem terms and pronouns like she/her are used for the reader

ꕥ HOPE YOU ENJOY! ꕥ

My rules for requests and characters I can write for

Please comment if you want to be added to the taglist, the next part or cod content alone. I also have content for TLOU and Resident Evil, so please specify.

Taglist: @marshmallowinamess

A/n: Hi lovelies! It's me again Lia, currently working on this one while I haven't even posted the other yet because I wanna post early and I love Valeria. Y'all don't got shit on me, I'm writing this shit while I'm in class AHAHAHA. Btw more Resident Evil content soon...

Disclaimers/warnings: Typical Cod things, OOC characters???, Unrealistic, Some suggestive themes and language, I'm so sorry but English is not my first language so please don't come after me. Most of the content I've seen are on TikTok and Tumblr I don't actually play the game but I love the characters so much, same with any other content I have for other video games.

Tiny sidenote: the reader in this has been describe to be shorter than the characters and has been mentioned to have a soft body rather than the muscular type.

Valeria Garza

ꕥ (Just saying, I'd let her step all over me)

ꕥ The El Sinombre falling in love? No shit she's... semi-normal??

ꕥ Black cat/Doberman girlfriend for sure. She's extremely protective and extremely terrifying when she wants to be. Scary dog privilege if you get it. (Occasionally it's funny to imagine her as a Chihuahua)

ꕥ Dates all kinds of women, body type and other things don't matter to her because she doesn't have a type. If you catch her attention then that's that.

ꕥ Loves spoiling you in everyway possible, just sit pretty for her and she'll take care of everything. Doesn't give a shit on the amount of money she spends on you, you want it? You got it.

ꕥ Loves it when you need her, it's one of the ways she feels loved and appreciated. Would never say it out loud but loves it whenever you show her your appreciation by doing manual labor.

ꕥ The idea of you being her pretty little housewife is sending her to heaven.

ꕥ Spanish pet names galore, culture is something of importance to her so will definitely teach you Spanish if she had the time.

ꕥ Would be interested learning about your culture as well because if you're gonna know about hers then she ought to know what to call you in your language. (Definitely not self-indulgent because I'm Filipina and I know she'd pronounce it somewhat correctly)

ꕥ Doesn't ever let you know about her cartel business. You can never know and she will never allow you to get ever get involved. You're too precious to her and god forbid anything will happen to you, she will destroy the world if she had to.

ꕥ She's more of a masc lesbian, she's the type who likes to be in charge in a "I'm the one who wears the pants in the relationship" way. She's very dominant.

ꕥ Doesn't ever even consider to be submissive, with the amount of shit she's been through. She can be vulnerable with you but in no way, shape or form could you ever top.

ꕥ You're an escape from the life she knew, it was peaceful with you. At first she wasn't used to it, definitely has reoccurring thoughts of something going wrong. You dying, getting kidnapped, falling into the hands of her enemies so constant reassurance.

ꕥ Would absolutely kill for you, no hesitation. The literally definitely of "I would burn this world for you", would absolutely deny it but you know otherwise.

Farah Karim

ꕥ Tabby cat coded girlfriend, she's down to earth and chill. She's that one neutral person everyone adores, she puts her best efforts into a relationship for sure.

ꕥ Has and will help you do your make-up all the time, doesn't matter whether you asked. She'll observe the specific way you do it and do it perfectly.

ꕥ Sweetest girlfriend ever, she has dominance tendencies but it's mainly because she's quite assertive and often makes the decisions. Can't help it, after all her field of work requires her to one up egotistic men.

ꕥ That being said, I think she's had some mild PTSD about how they treated her. Sure it made her tough and she didn't like to be bossed around (unlike angry Mexican man) but I like to think she keeps you out of it as much as possible.

ꕥ Chubby!Reader headcanon is that she literally would adore you, compliment anything and everything. Insecure? Not on her watch, she just makes you feel so loved.

ꕥ Most definitely has introduced you to Price (I feel like he's everyone's father figure except los vaqueros and characters he hasn't interacted with) and don't worry he's already looking after you as well.

ꕥ Poly! Farah x reader x Alex headcanons:

ꕥ You guys following whatever Farah says, towards relationship decisions anyway because you and Alex tend to be indecisive.

ꕥ Lot's of communication between the three of you even if it's just a small thing, consent is always key.

ꕥ Alex following his two wives around a lot, he's mostly behind you guys all the time.

ꕥ Farah is patient when it comes to a lot of things but especially you and Alex.

ꕥ You get head pats from both of them, Farah is in a more praising manner while Alex tends to be in a comforting manner.

ꕥ You cannot tell me these two won't be down to cuddle in any position because I know damn well they would be. More often it's just Alex wanting to be a little spoon.

Alex Keller

ꕥ Golden Retriever boyfriend FOR REAL. This man is the type of man to kneel down and clasp the strap of your shoe or heel when he notices it.

ꕥ You know when you pick up something near a corner of a table or underneath it? He's the type of boyfriend to subconsciously cover the edge or corner of that table so that if your head bumps into it then it wouldn't be as painful or even at all.

ꕥ Having said the first one, he also guides your head whenever getting into a vehicle because god forbid you actually hurt yourself. Not on his watch.

ꕥ Understands why you're insecure and definitely offers a lot of verbal reassurance.

ꕥ Is the type of boyfriend to say "Yes Ma'am" when you ask him to do something, doesn't matter whether it's a small thing or labor intensive. It's kinda become your guys' thing now since people take notice on it.

ꕥ Pouty kind of jealous? Not necessarily whiny but makes this sad upset face at you when jealous instead of something like Ghost or Valeria would do where they'd be glaring the person down jealous.

ꕥ Very thoughtful, he pays attention to what you want and what you need and knows the right timing.

ꕥ Forehead kiss giver, you cannot convince me this man doesn't love doing it. Especially when you're shorter than him, loves resting his chin on top of your head or burying his head in your neck.

ꕥ HATES seeing you uncomfortable, absolutely despises it. That's the last thing he wants you to feel when you're around him. Would understand if there's imminent danger around but it would literally being him back to life if you felt safe enough around him even if there was danger because you're confident in his capabilities to keep you safe.

Kate Laswell

ꕥ (LOVE THIS WOMAN, SHE'S FOR THE GIRLS BECAUSE IT'S CANON. ARGUE WITH THE WALL)

ꕥ She only ever let the TF141 and Nikolai meet you because of course she trusts them enough.

ꕥ They were like "So you're the infamous wife of Laswell huh?"

ꕥ Even before you were married, Kate called you her wife because she was ✨manifesting✨.

ꕥ She loves using it though, sometimes she'd be with coworkers and they'd invited her to go out to pub and drink but she'll refuse saying "Can't, my wife is waiting for me". She'd really rather just spend time with you anyway.

ꕥ Congrats, you made her quit smoking or at least she's trying to. She still does every once and a while when shit gets really bad but never around you because she knows that secondhand smoke is just as bad for you.

ꕥ She doesn't have a type when it comes to people so body is out of the question, if she feels a connection then she feels it.

ꕥ Anything and everything to keep you safe, if something were to happen to you, trust that she'll either get it down herself or if she can't then she'll turn to Price and Belinski for help.

ꕥ As much as possible, she keeps you away from everything. The job she has is just too dangerous and she can't risk you, not when you're one of the only good things in her life that keeps her happy.

ꕥ Definitely a workaholic, something as simple as asking her to eat or rest, maybe take a break. She'll do it, for you and because she knows you care for her.

ꕥ Doesn't half-ass anything, full effort when it comes to you especially when there's a special occasion between you two like holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

ꕥ Also she loves making you laugh, more often with stories of her experiences with Price and also about how they met.

Gary "Roach" Sanderson

ꕥ (I CANNOT FIND A DECENT GIF OF THIS MAN FOR THE LIFE OF ME... Here's the credits to where I found the photo)

ꕥ Get this man a makeshift antenna, he would adore it. You made it for him because of his call sign.

ꕥ He sometimes wears it on missions but mostly keeps it so that it doesn't get damage because this man is definitely a horder, not in a bad way just anything you give to him is something worth keeping in his eyes.

ꕥ Gary definitely gives you handmade gifts back, when he knows you'll like something or even if it's at a random, he loves making them for you and he cried when he found out you kept those all in it's own box labeling it your treasures.

ꕥ Very shy and reluctant at first but once he's comfortable, he is tackling you for a hug when he gets the chance.

ꕥ Doesn't talk a lot, (it took me to Google when I saw that many people hc him communicating through BSL) but I like to think he does talk. It's just really selective, like a few words.

ꕥ The first time you heard his voice, you looked at him like "???". He looked at you confused at your reaction and he only realized it when you told him.

ꕥ Think that he'll try to learn sign language within your mother tongue you know, it's too cute not to think about.

ꕥ He gives off soft lover vibes, definitely far more on the gentle side compared to his comrades.

ꕥ Something in me tells me this man rambles but only and I mean only when he's already extremely comfortable around you, not used to using his voice much so expect a bit of stutter. Which by the way, he does this without knowing he's rambling and will profusely apologize with his tone of voice slowly getting more quiet. (This is your sign, comfort this man)

ꕥ Likes to crawl around and climb things for fun, another one of the reasons his call sign was formed. The first time Ghost genuinely screamed was when Roach was stuck on the side of the wall and Ghost saw him there. Kinda like when you see a roach climbing up a wall and it flies straight for you in your direction. (Happened to me by experience when I was taking a shower)

ꕥ He also likes crawling around, like this I mean. Hacker!Reader seeing this on the enemy's security camera while she tries to shut them off is just funny to me idk why.

ꕥ Chubby!Reader? Sign him the fuck up. You once sat down near him and he saw how you thought spread a bit and it was so close to his that he was just resisting the urge to touch. The voice in his head shamelessly thinking of what it would be like if you suffocated him with them.

ꕥ He loves peppering kisses, doesn't matter whether it's receiving or giving this man would straight up take your hands and use them to cup his face, his hands still being over yours and would with wait for you to kiss him or kiss you himself.

Nikolai Belinski

ꕥ (I have no clue how to write for nik but I'll try my best)

ꕥ We all know him and his jokes about his "wives" which by the way is not true and you know it.

ꕥ He's husband material however he is quite busy, not that he'd barely spend time with you but he is away a lot. There's an upside to this, he constantly calls you (Let's be real, he prefers calls over texts) just to check on how you're doing and he tells you when he's going to come home.

ꕥ Despite all his jokes, he'd never actually make fun of you. Sure he's sarcastic and talks to himself a lot but he'd never go as low as actually making an offensive joke to his lover.

ꕥ Speaking of joking, your laugh is music to this man's ears. Don't matter if you sound like a dying cat, he's still gonna make you laugh.

ꕥ Surprisingly really sweet, people are often surprised to see that man with a lover. He's very thoughtful in a sense that he's observant, sure he's quite absentminded when around you because that's the only space he's comfortable enough to do so but also because he likes listening to you.

ꕥ Does every safety measure in a helicopter possible if he knew you or Gaz would be in that helicopter, he also makes improvements to it and calls it Gaz-proofing because we all know how Garrick fell off a damn helicopter TWICE. (Idk how he does it, Gaz has some serious plot armor)

[tyrantisterror]

A Dozen Or So Great Vampire Ladies

Ok, so, on a mostly unrelated post the topic of good vampire ladies came up, and @bisexualdaikaiju suggested/challenged me to do a top 10 vampire women list. As a self-professed lover of vampire women, it felt like a challenge I couldn't back down from. But it is kind of challenging, for two kind of contradictory reasons.

First, while there are MANY female vampires in fiction, most of them feel like afterthoughts, getting far less characterization than their male counterparts, who more often than not are the star villains of the show. When these supporting lady vampires do get something to do, it's generally the same role: make their human lovers sad when they rise from the dead as a monster that has to be killed, an emotional beat that is often undercut by a lot of these vampire women not getting much characterization to endear them to us before they died. Everyone wants to have the Lucy Westerna plot beat from Dracula but they don't want to do the work that Bram did to make Lucy lovable. The lady vamps who get to step out of Lucy's shadow are rare - but that just makes them all the more wonderful.

The second problem is that, since this is an obsession of mine that few seem to share (there are lots of vampire fans, but man do the boy vamps get to hog the spotlight among them), I've done a lot of scattered thinking about it and I just know I'm bound to forget at least one excellent lady vampire character that should be here. And whittling it down to ten, and trying to rank them? That's too hard! My thoughts are too mercurial to do that reliably in a way I don't forget!

So instead here's a list of, like, a dozen or so lady vampires that I think are just fucking stellar, many of which I think break the mold of what pop culture makes us expect lady vampires to be. It is not ranked - I love all these characters more or less equally, and think it's a lot more interesting to see how they take their archetype in different directions than to figure out which one is "best" of the lot.

Carmilla Karnstein

I'm going to start with the most famous literary female vampire, Mircalla Karnstein from Carmilla. I think she might be the first vampire to have an unhealthy obsession with using anagrams of her real name as aliases, though I'm sure now that I've typed that someone will find an earlier example to school me. She's also the one who popularized the idea of lady vampires being extremely sapphic, with an arguably genuine romantic affection for her female victims. She's got well-deserved clout, basically, and like Dracula has been adapted countless times and reinterpreted in some excellent ways. My favorite screen Carmilla is Ingrid Pitt's take, which captures her fierceness, passion, and tragic nature so well.

2. Amy from Fright Night

Ok, we're having one Lucy Westerna knockoff on this list, but as Lucy knockoffs go, Amy is one of the best. It actually helps that she spends 90% of her movie as a human, because we get to know and love her so much before she turns monstrous. And once she does...

It is pants-shittingly terrifying. I will never stop raving about the vampire designs in this movie - they made their "game faces" so fucking monstrous and I feel like in a better world this would be the standard ever since, especially since they still gave the vampires pathos while making them so ghastly when they've got their feeding faces on.

3. Drusilla

Buffy the Vampire Slayer had a bunch of vampire characters, and to its credit they did a decent job of making the ladies just as distinct as the gents. Harmony and Darla could both have made this list, but my favorite was always Drusilla, who was so traumatized before she became a vampire that it kind of overwhelms the demon spirit inside her. Like, bare minimum thing to make a lady vampire more interesting than 90% of other female vampires in fiction: give her at least one personality trait, preferably an interesting one, outside of being a vampire. Drusilla's fun, and she survives the entire series after dumping her boyfriend to be a single female vampire. Good for her.

4. Ruby from Scary Godmother

Ok look I am a fake Scary Godmother fan but kudos to the artist of the books for making a lady vampire who's very clearly of the nosferatu mold and is also explicitly benign and sweet. A+ vampire lady character design. I hope it doesn't awaken anything in me.

5. Nadja

What We Do in the Shadows is excellent at finding new takes on vampires in general - it even made me actually like Psychic Vampires as a concept, a feat I thought was impossible - but goddamn do I love Nadja specifically. She's got a distinct personality as vampire ladies go, being very confident and self-assured while also being a complete fucking goober (it is a comedy, after all). She's perfectly capable of being terrifying AND hilarious, often at the same time. A vampire girl failure, in the parlance of our site. I love her.

6. Lady Dimitrescu

I know that she's apparently only in a fourth of the game, but it's still pretty great that Resident Evil 8 decided its mascot villain - its equivalent of the Tyrant, G, Nemesis, etc. - would be the hottest woman I've ever seen a milf an 8 foot tall lady vampire. She's not dainty and willowy like most lady vamps in fiction - not an ambush hunter - but rather HUGE and capable of tossing a human around like a rag doll. She's a physical powerhouse and she looks fine feminine while doing it. Despite being an unabashed blood-sucking monster, she still has enough depth and complexity to have important relationships (like a genuine love for her "giant mass of hive mind flies" daughters), and also she gets to have an awesome transformation into a fungal vampire dragon, which is rad as hell. Also goddamn, her fashion sense is immaculate.

7. Hecate from Hellboy

"Hey, she's not a vampire! She's a goddess! That doesn't count!" Fuck you, my list, my rules. Hecate posits herself as the progenitor and mother of vampires, she drinks blood, and her main form in the comic is as a sicknasty lamia version of the iron maiden used by Elizabeth fucking Bathory, if she doesn't count as a vampire, nothing should. She is the concept of a vampire amped up to maximum capacity, a major mythological figure and an awesome villain.

...also I lowkey shipped her and Hellboy when I was a teenager. They could have made it work!

8 - 12. Carmilla and her girl squad from Castlevania

I suppose I could have counted Castlevania's Carmilla as an adaptation of Miss Karnstein - they're both basted out of Styria, both sapphic, and it's clear she's meant to be an adaptation of the former, just as the Dracula of this show is meant to be a take on Bram's famous vampire. But ultimately they're VERY different characters in the grand scheme of things - Castlevania's Carmilla has none of the tenderness and vulnerability of her literary counterpart, instead being full of barely restrained fury. She is an excellent villain, complex enough to be interesting but thoroughly despicable enough to make it VERY satisfying when she bites it.

I also love her girl posse... in concept, at least. They've all got great designs and the groundwork of interesting characters, but of the the three, only Lenore, the waifish redhead, gets to do much of note. The two on the edges kind of just show up for a few scenes and then bail before the plot catches up to them, doing very little of note - though at least the big hunky one gets one of the coolest fight scenes in the whole show.

Back to Lenore though - she gets a really nice character arc, and manages to become one of the few sympathetic vampires in the series (while still doing a lot of monstrous shit - she is not a defanged vampire by any stretch). I think her death scene is one of the most moving moments in the series finale.

13. Seras Victoria

A good female vampire has at least one non-vampire part of her personality, right? Ok, so, Seras is:

the muscle in almost every scene she is, which is to say, the one absolutely beating the shit out of people while her allies run for cover

the perky henchman/morality pet of one of history's greatest monsters

the sole ray of sunshine in cast of edgy, cigar-chomping grizzled mercnaries and antiheroes she's been pressganged into fighting alongside

the victim of some HIDEOUS trauma even before her vampirization

the protege of a wise master who gets a full hero's journey arc, taking up his mantle at the end of the series

Like, I love her. She's the secret protagonist of Hellsing. She's got layers like an onion. The scene where she killed Zora Blitz reminded me why I love anime.

(yeah it's the TFS version fuck you)

14. Youko Shiragami

My Monster Secret is not a horror manga. It is a romantic comedy about a bunch of idiots trying to keep painfully obvious secrets hidden and succeeding only because almost everyone around them is as dumb as they are, just in very different ways. It is a manga where an entire chapter can be summarized as "all the characters race to get the last McRib, using their various supernatural abilities to try and cheat their way to the front of the pack." It is one of the funniest and most heart-warming stories I have ever read, one of my favorite romances of all time, and an excellent piece of long form story-telling.

One of the two main characters is Youko Shiragami, a vampire girl who can't let anyone know she's a vampire or else her dad will pull her out of school. She desperately wants to have a normal life with friends and, like, school shenanigans, but her fear of people uncovering her secret and hating her is so immense that she's been isolating herself from everyone, accidentally torturing herself by being close to what she wants but unable to actually have it.

At least, until Kuromine, the other main character of the story, discovers her secret while trying to ask her out on a date. He ends up promising to keep her secret, and the two of them form a real friendship that blossoms into a very sweet romance, where Youko gets to display all her incongruous personality traits that go against what you'd expect of vampires - namely, that she's kind of a ditz, with an unrefined style of speech and a complete inability to be suave and seductive. She's a sweet, flaky goofball with a big heart, who just happens to drink blood and tan really quickly in the sunlight. There is no other vampire like her, and the world is richer for her being in it.

15. Marceline, the Vampire Queen

This list isn't ranked, but if it was, I'd put Marceline at the top. I think she is not only the most unique and deeply characterized lady vampire in fiction, but ranks right up there with Dracula in how she redefines the idea of what a vampire can be. Like, look at the forms she takes!

There are DOZENS of different monstrous shapes Marceline takes during Adventure Time's 9+ seasons of television, and any one of them would be a superb and memorable vampire on its own. And she's ALL of them. Just on a design standpoint, she is a standout. I think only Dracula himself could compete.

But she also explores what the concept of what a vampire is in ways no other vampire in fiction can, in part because of the unique nature of Adventure Time's setting. In a world where humans are an extreme minority and most people are weird monsters, a vampire isn't that odd, so we get to explore what being a vampire means divorced from the comparison to "normal" human beings. There's the expected tragedy to Marceline, of course - she's a 16 year old who has been stuck in that adolescent state for hundreds of years, and much of her character arc over the show (including the magnificent vampire-centric storyline, "Stakes") focuses on the horror of being stuck in that transitional state, not quite a child but not quite an adult. Marceline struggles to mature, to understand herself and others, and her vampirism both keeps her distant from reaching those goals but also gives her a lot of time to figure out how to approach them when the opportunity arirves. Marceline goes from one of the most immature and selfish characters in the show to perhaps the most emotionally intelligent, blossoming into a sensitive and thoughtful person she could never have been without first becoming a creature that seems so inherently opposed to ever having those traits.

And she did it all in a children's show where she was rarely if ever allowed to actually drink blood - a problem the writers got around by having her suck the red color out of things, which is right up there with the Joker Venom from BTAS in terms of genius ideas spawned by children's show censorship.

Marceline is the GOAT.

[girls-alias]

Tattoo - Dean Winchester

Title: Tattoo - Dean Winchester Words: 2,305 Relations: Dean Winchester X reader. TW: Strong language, slight nudity, sexual hinting.

[Why does the right gif look like it's reacting to the first 😂]

I sighed slamming the anti-possession tattoo design on the artist's table. "This is what I want," I explained simply. The artist looked it over once, a quick glance before scoffing and shaking his head. I sucked my teeth, annoyed instantly by his reaction.

"I'm not doing that, it's demon shit," He slid the design off the table, it falling slowly onto the floor. I glared at him knowing for a fact I would not be the one to pick that up.

"It's actually the opposite it's to protect me from demon shit. So, either pick up the design and get started or pick up the design and wish me a great day," I instructed, my tone forceful as I rested my hands on the table between us. He gave me his full attention. "Either way, you're picking it up," I added. He scoffed looking at me like I was stupid.

"Bitch, if you-" He didn't have time to finish his sentence as I slammed his head into the table. He jumped backwards, holding his busted nose. Looking at me terrified. I was angry beyond reproach.

"Call me a bitch again and I'll pull your teeth out so the next time you say it, it's sounds like your saying bench," I threatened. "Get up. Walk around this table. Pick it up." I said simply, emphasising my anger as I maintained eye contact. He hesitated to get up, cowering as he got closer to me. I stared him down even though he was taller than me, he bent down, using one knee to get low as he grabbed the design. He went to stand but I grabbed the shoulder of his shirt, stopping him from standing but looking up at me scared. I smirked. "Wasn't so hard, was it?" I asked menacingly with a smirk. He shook his head slowly like he was afraid to upset me. I smirked wider. "Now wish me a great day," I instructed, looking at him expectantly.

"I hope you have a really great day, sorry I couldn't help," He quickly spoke. I smiled politely, innocently.

"Thanks, you too," I added cheerfully before grabbing my design and walking out.

I had gone to 5 different tattoo studios, all getting denied and I was growing impatient and reckless. My anger rose before a plan formed in my mind. I smirked knowing it was genius.

Dean's POV:

Y/N had been gone all day. I know she was getting her tattoo but it shouldn't be this long. She's been gone since I woke up till now, I rechecked my watch growing anxious. I should have gone with her. I know she didn't want me to because 'she's an independent woman who doesn't need a man to hold her hand' or at least that's what she tells me every time I suggest protection on a hunt or company for certain things. She is the most stubborn woman I know, and I've met plenty of stubborn women. She only decided to stay at the bunker with us for a few weeks because she wanted a break from motels.

"Will you stop tapping your foot?" Sam asked annoyed as he looked up from his book.

"Where is she? She should have been back hours ago," I rambled, anxiously checking my watch again. 9PM. Where is she? I wonder if she was snatched? Is she okay?

"Dean, will you calm down? She's probably just gotten distracted." He tried but I scoffed.

"What if she's been abducted and we're just sat here?" I asked but Sam laughed, holding his finger in the book to keep his place as he lowered it to give me his full attention.

"We are talking about the same Y/N, right? She's been abducted, starved for months, tortured and still escaped. We did nothing to help, she just called us for a ride like nothing happened," He explained but I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, but that was before she moved in," I tried but Sam looked at me confused.

"She hasn't moved it, she wanted a break and came here. You must be head over heels in love if you think she's staying," He chuckled, going back to his book but noticing my silence. I wanted to deny it but my mouth didn't work. He looked up from the book, studying me a second before slamming the book down not caring about keeping the page anymore. "You're in love with Y/N?!" He practically shouted but I rolled my eyes, getting up to leave. He didn't take the hint that I was leaving because of him so followed me. "I knew you wanted to fuck her but I didn't realise you were in love," He continued. I groaned, walking down the hall aimlessly.

"I'm not in love with her," I tried but even I could tell my tone showed how bad I was lying.

"You are, oh my God. You have to tell her before she leaves." He cheered but I rolled my eyes. I stopped in my tracks, facing him looking annoyed.

"She tells us every day that she doesn't need a man to hold her hand, she'd laugh in my face if I told her," I sighed, finally giving in because this topic has been clouding my judgment for months. Ever since she wore a dress to a hunt and still looked badass I knew I wanted more than sex, when Lucifer himself threatened her and she practically scared him off I knew it was love. Ever since I have grown to love her more, even small things I wouldn't normally notice became my fixation. Like how she mouths the words when she reads slightly or bites down on her nail when she's thinking. All of it made me fall deeper in love with her. Yet she shows no interest in me.

"She doesn't need a man to hold her hand but she might want one," Sam tried but I scoffed.

"We've known her for over a year, I've never once seen her hint at even sex never mind a relationship," I explained. Sam went to dismiss my comment but stopped to look at me confused. He heard it too. I turned around, there's something here. It sounded like something metal clinking against marble. Confused I walked down the hall. Maybe she's back, hopefully, she didn't hear our conversation.

I approached Y/N's door as Sam stood close behind me, I pushed the door open. I froze as I noticed Y/N on her knees in front of the fire shirtless. She had a maroon bra on and hadn't noticed us. I watched mesmerised and perplexed by what she was doing. My jaw dropped as she pulled an iron stake from the fire and pressed it to her chest over her heart. I wanted to rush in and stop her but I was stunned as rather than scream she dropped her head back and groaned. It was borderline pornographic and would definitely infect my mind many times in the future. Sam grabbed my shoulder but didn't move, it pulled me back to reality, I glanced at him seeing his jaw drop open and concern written all over his face. I looked back at her, eyes wide as she moaned again, pushing the stake a little harder before pulling it away. My mouth dried as I watched the scene.

"I love you," She looked up at us, completely unfazed. You wouldn't think she branded herself just seconds before. She looked at me confused and it hit me that I said it out loud. She put the stake down with a smile, chuckling softly before she stood up, not bothered by her shirtless figure as she faced me. I knew Sam would be looking away but my eyes wouldn't let me. My God!

"Good to know," She said slightly confused. I sighed realising she probably thinks I'm a creep. I mean, I am. She's standing shirtless, in a maroon bra but brand new burn above her heart I should be concerned about but I can't take my eyes off her chest. My God. I've never been a tits man but for her, I'm an everything man.

"What did you do?" Sam asked. I finally pulled my eyes away as I glanced at him, he turned away to look up the hall. He has more willpower than I do.

"No one would give me the tattoo so I branded myself," She explained as if it was no big deal. I looked at her concerned, slightly worried and turned on. I fall deeper in love.

"Why wouldn't you just go somewhere else?" Sam asked but she rolled her eyes and walked away to grab a cardigan, tying it around herself loosely so the fabric didn't touch her burn but covered herself. I frowned slightly. I finally looked at the burn. I rushed forward moving the cardigan slowly to see it fully.

"What the fuck, you actually did it," I exclaimed as I looked at the red skin surrounding the black burn. A perfect print of the anti-possession tattoo that matched Sam and I's.

"Well, yeah," She chuckled as if it were obvious. We saw her do it, I wouldn't doubt she would have if she'd told me beforehand but anyone else would be too scared. Not Y/N, not perfect Y/N. Sam followed me in, looking at it closely. We shared a look before I stepped back. She laughed as she shrugged. "It's not a big deal," She shrugged moving away to grab her glass from the top of the drawers. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Did it not hurt?" I asked, my concern showing in my tone. She chuckled.

"I've felt worse," She shrugged taking a sip of her drink. God, I really do love her.

"I'm going to get the first aid kit. No more branding while I'm gone," Sam warned but she chuckled as he walked out.

"Aw, but I had a tramp stamp made too," She joked but looked at me with an innocent smile. "I actually have another one if you want to do it for me?" She asked but I looked at her like she was crazy. She rolled her eyes, moving to kneel in front of the fire again.

"What? No!" I exclaimed, grabbing her shoulder to try and move her away.

"Ow," She exclaimed, I quickly pulled my hands away, thinking I pressed on her burn. I knew I fell for her trick when she quickly grabbed another stake that was heating in the fire, pulled the tie on her cardigan and pushed it into her skin above her right hip. I gasped, readying for her to scream but she groaned again. Standing above her and looking down on the scene only made it hotter. My God. I turned away knowing I would soon be erect if I didn't try to clear my mind.

"What are you doing?" Sam exclaimed from the door, quickly rushing in, he grabbed the stake, burning his hand slightly as he dropped it to the floor. She rolled her eyes with a theatrical groan.

"You're so boring, Dean didn't mind," She played but I quickly protested.

"I tried to stop her," I held my hands up in defence as Sam looked at me shocked. Sam shook his head, turning his eyes to the first aid kit he brought in with him. Y/N seemed to smirk.

"I can patch myself up," She groaned but Sam shook his head, avoiding looking at her.

"No, I'm putting my foot down." He insisted. I watched, amazed he stood up to her. I wouldn't even do that even if I had a death wish.

"You can't even look at me," She chuckled. Sam looked her in the eyes for a second before looking away not wanting to gawk at her. She laughed, sitting back so she could move her legs from under her.

"I'll do it," I chimed in. I regret it instantly. She looked at me, her eyebrows showing she was shocked but her clenched jaw and eyes told me she wasn't happy. I shouldn't have said anything, she'll kill me and I'd thank her while she did it. She dominates me with just eye contact how am I going to put my foot down to her?

I took Sam's place in front of her, I avoided her eyes as I knew if I looked into them I would lose the nerve. Sam walked out as she took the cardigan off. I used all my focus to look at the branding and not her boobs. I saw her smirking in my peripheral vision.

"So, you love me?" She asked, teasing in her tone. I gulped. I need to grow a backbone, she has too much control over me. Now that I'm putting my foot down to her, it's the perfect time.

"So what if I do?" I asked, focusing on her anti-possession brand as I began cleaning it. She didn't even flinch when the alcohol touched her burns, she just moaned. I felt my blood rushing to where I didn't want it. I focused on my actions hoping I had enough control to get through this.

"I just think that's a weird thing to say after watching someone brand themself," She commented with a slight shrug. I glanced at her lips as she bit down. My breath hitched, and I fixed my eyes on the brand.

"Maybe that's my kink," I tempted but she smirked.

"It is now," She smirked. I gulped, finally looking at her face to see she was looking flirtatious. A look I had never seen her make before. I smirked.

"To rights," I confirmed. She smiled as she rested back on her hands letting me clean her without argument. This was the best thing that could have happened!!!!

Masterlist

[tossawary]

Someone responded, "Howl would do chores for Sophie! He loves her so much!" to that Prince Turniphead house-boyfriend post about the "Howl's Moving Castle" movie where I said that Howl wouldn't reliably help around the house. And... no. No, I said RELIABLY, that's a really important word here, but also no.

Nothing about his home setup (the mess of the kitchen in the beginning, the RAINBOW BATHROOM, his cluttered bedroom) suggests that he's in the habit of picking up after himself. I don't think he's purposefully a slob, but I do think he's too distractible and thoughtless to do the required regular cleaning. I think he's a "I'll put this down here for now and deal with it later *proceeds to walk around this object every day for the next three years while doing more interesting / immediate things*" person at best. Being in love does not suddenly change all your habits as a person or your personal interests! I think Howl would definitely try (important word here) to do better for Sophie, but I think it would take a lot of work and he's kind of lazy about these things!

I do think he cooks. Movie Howl IS shown cooking with Calcifer and I think he and his fire demon could have fun with that task, very cute, and leave a mountain of dishes behind them in the process.

Also, (trying to limit referencing the books for those who haven't read them, but I can't resist here) Book Sophie is... kind of controlling and loves to complain? And can also do magic herself? When I said that Howl can't be trusted to RELIABLY do chores, it's partly because I don't think he'd be doing them to 1) Sophie's exacting standards and 2) in the EXACT way that Sophie wants it done. I think Sophie would in many cases decide that it's easier just to train Howl to better stay out of her way, honestly.

Especially because HOWL IS A WIZARD!!! You can't fucking trust those assholes with a simple chore! It doesn't occupy their brains enough and they're ALWAYS going to think, "I bet I could invent a spell to do this for me," and that's how you get floating dishes or animated broomsticks or a fucking water spirit in your house. It's the hubris! Can't smack it out of wizards with a stick!

Howl swallowed a star and made a deal with a fire demon! He built a giant walking castle that was holding together JUST using magic (it completely fell apart at the end of the movie) and wandered freely around the country! He was pretending to be two different people to run businesses and then abandoned the buildings when the government caught up to him! I'm pretty sure he used a magic spell to SQUAT in Sophie's family's former hat shop! He impersonated the king! He dodged the draft literally afterwards in an airship battle! He nearly irreversibly turned himself into a bird monster and fought bombing airships by HIMSELF - and there's no way that Sophie wasn't confusedly picking black feathers off the floor. He summoned the spirits of darkness and started turning into ooze because his hair dye came out the wrong color!

Howl would TRY for Sophie, I believe that. I just also think that he'd rather use magic to completely renovate the entire house than actually scrub floors. I think he would invent an incredibly ugly magical vacuum cleaner for her and Sophie would love it so much that she would choose to overlook the fact that it tries to eat the carpet and curtains and the dog sometimes. I think that if Book Sophie was told she could melt wizards with a bucket of soapy water with a little bit of lemon juice (like the Enchanted Forest Chronicles), she COULD DO IT by choosing to believe it, and Howl hides from her and that bucket because he loves her but she's TERRIFYING.

If Sophie's sister Lettie was visiting and Sophie was panicking because she hadn't had the time to dust on top of the guest room wardrobe... whatever the magical equivalent of shoving all of your stuff into a closet at the last minute to make the place LOOK clean is, THAT's how Howl would help.

[saintsenara]

idk if you've talked about it before, but what do you think of snucius?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

i'm a big fan of it as a ship, above all because of the ways it can be used to subvert the expectations which might accompany it into something oddly beautiful.

by which i mean that the possibility of quite a manipulative snucius is actually implied by canon. sirius is absolutely suggesting something salacious with his comment in order of the phoenix about snape being lucius' "lapdog" - it's a reference to a practise called "fagging" [yes, you've read that right] traditionally understood to take place in elite, all-male british boarding schools, in which younger boys were expected to act as something akin to the servants of older ones. the expectation that fags [yes] would perform sexual favours was a fairly standard part of the whole phenomenon - and so, when sirius suggests that snape runs around being lucius malfoy's personal errand boy, he is evidently also suggesting that he bends over for the privilege.

and the idea that lucius has power over snape is suggested more broadly in canon too. the implication of the prince's tale is that snape was taken under lucius' wing as soon as he was sorted, and that lucius was the conduit through which he was groomed to become a death eater [he is also the conduit through which snape meets his death - voldemort sends him to fetch snape before he kills him]. that he supposedly relies on lucius' patronage is something draco malfoy is well aware of - when he suggests in chamber of secrets that lucius would support snape if he applied to be headmaster, he is doing so with the subtext that snape's appointment would be entirely contingent on lucius' position as chair of the governors and, therefore, that he would only be chosen because lucius would think him likely to run hogwarts how he would like to see it run - which suggests that this power dynamic wasn't just restricted to death eater meetings. and voldemort undoubtedly elevates snape to his right hand within the setting of malfoy manor at the start of deathly hallows - reversing that established power dynamic - as yet another "fuck you" to lucius after his fall from grace following the farrago in the department of mysteries.

but.

i think narcissa is telling the truth when she describes snape as "lucius' old friend". i think that something deeper than not wanting to piss off his main patron lurks behind snape's decision to protect draco. i think that there is a very credible case for lucius being the only person who actually knows the real snape, behind his mask, and his relationship with lucius being the only thing in his life which stands in contrast to the relationships which seem to define his life more profoundly [his relationships with dumbledore, voldemort, lily, and harry, for example].

you can do so much with lucius having to confront his friend having turned spy - whether snape lives or not. you can do so much with lucius - terrified and disillusioned - relying on snape's help to prevent voldemort's wrath descending upon him. and you can also just have so much light and campy fun with someone as posh and peacocking and lucius having a sallow goth boyfriend.

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

As per usual, info under the cut <3

IM BACK BITCHES!!!

Alright, here's the design stuff:

I wanted to go for kind of a Lois Lane vibe, including the way she gets all the way up in business she should not be up in. At the same time I wanted to bring the super cutesy gothic lolita style in at least a little. So I ended up going with a poofy short jumpsuit with bows and teddy bears. I would love to make a specific thank you to @themooncallsyou for suggesting I look at the Moschino 2022 spring line for inspiration, it ended up having a very heavy impact on the final design.

I tried to lean into the investigative part of investigative reporter, so that's what the heavy coat is about. I thought adding that classic detective silhouette would be a nice final touch. Plus, I think Blondie likes the drama of the coat flying behind her as she's chasing down a lead. It makes her feel very cool.

Alright, so her original pet is a bear cub named Grizz but I have. Several problems with that. The main one is that it's not clear what the difference between Grizz and the actual sentient bears and her story is. There is never any differentiation between them. It's a Goofy-Pluto situation. Like it doesn't need to be explained, but the minute you start thinking about it too hard it gets weird real fast.

Anyways say hello to Honey the magpie!! Magpies are great mimics and lovers of shiny things, so I thought one would be a perfect fit for Blondie. She repeats bits of gossip and steals little trinkets and clues to help Blondie with whatever case she's on. Honey is where Blondie gets her infinite supply of bobby pins. Her scale is a little off, I don't think magpies are actually that big, but I still think she's cute so I'm not changing it now lol.

Now for character stuff:

Honestly I'm not really changing anything as much as I am exploring what's already there. I think Blondie has the potential to be really interesting, because she's unique within the class system of the school. She's kind of the inverse of Raven status-wise. Raven was born to royalty, but because her mom is the Evil Queen she's actually considered a commoner by society. Blondie was born to a wealthy commoner family, but her fear of rejection leads her to exaggerate the prestige of her lineage. Everyone sort of knows that she's not a Princess but she's so desperate to keep up the image of royalty that no one knows where she actually lands. Most of the royals assume her parents are Lord and Lady or Duke and Duchess or something. In reality they don't have any noble title, and Blondie is very insecure about that.

Blondie isn't so much ashamed of her family as she is terrified of exclusion and rejection. Her standing in society is the one major thing that makes her different from all the other royals, but she has major anxieties that she's always on thin ice. In her mind she's permanently one wrong step from total ostracization.

On a happier note, she does have a genuine passion for journalism! She considers her news blog/podcast practice for her future career. She starts out discussing school drama and gossip, but tries to stay a neutral third party. That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets. As the story goes on she starts reporting on more political and social topics beyond the boundaries of the school (and therefore becomes one of Milton Grimms worst nightmares). She is really, really, really good at getting into shit people do not want her to get into. She's got her eyes on prize and good luck stopping her

[sunnasweet]

Alice and The Android

This is my first time using this account after perusing through the monster-fucker tag, this story is...tentatively a monster-fucker story?? maybe? I don't know where androids fall on the spectrum and this guy's pretty human except with a couple quirks so...?

Anyway, I wrote this in one sitting after I discovered Literotica existed and I wanted to submit a story there so...there's sex. duh. But I'm a Tumblr girl at heart so why not post it here too.

This is dedicated to Lana del Rey because I was listening to Dealer on loop all day writing this.

the tentative 64-character summary that I was allowed : Virgin Alice pays a philosophizing android escort to fuck her.

9.9k words (about 6k words before you hit the porn), heavy on consent, android x female reader, edited? i ran this through grammarly

Alice Walker had a secret, she was a 30-year-old virgin.

That's right, this woman, who wasn't even unattractive had never been filled before. Despite the many dates she went on that never went anywhere and her ever-filling contact comm list, she had never been intimate before.

Why? Great question. Alice was scared–terrified really. At first, it was something of a joke, 18, 19, 20, fine. But after that, it became something of an insecurity. The bridge between her age and experience grew further and further and before she knew it, she was officially in her 30s and certainly not dirty–or so the saying would suggest.

She was worse than a late bloomer. She had bloomed but instead of thriving she wilted. Her garden was empty. A dry, desolate place.

She hadn't even touched herself.

Whenever she thought about it she gave herself a twisted gut. She had considered maybe she was asexual but that wasn't true, she had gotten aroused before, very aroused. She just couldn't bring herself to do anything about it.

Any time things got hot and heavy with a boyfriend she felt so embarrassed about having to admit that she'd never done it before that she'd take the other route and say next time. Until next time became never. She lied now saying she was saving herself for marriage, an old ritual still practiced even in the galaxy. Alice was not religious.

Maybe there was some guilt involved in the act for her. Still, she had no reason for it. Quite the opposite. Like she said, she wasn't religious, her parents were very open and accepting, and she had no insecurities about her body.

Alice knew she was beautiful–or at least, evidence suggested she was. She was tall, lean with heavy breasts and a small pert ass, her nipples were raspberry pink and her face was nothing to shrug at either. She was cute rather than hot, if she had to describe herself and she dressed to emphasize that. Whenever she tried to wear something 'sexy' she looked like a kid playing dress up. In your 20s, that's fine, in your 30s? It was alarming.

She knew she wasn't old. She knew that she was not expiring, despite what her indoctrinated thoughts told her. Sure, she had the starting of some crow's feet and smile lines but she wasn't a child anymore. She was a 30-year-old woman.

A 30-year-old woman who had decided the moment she blew out the candle on her birthday cake–alone, that she would finally make her wish come true.

She was going to lose her virginity.

Alice unpuckered her lips and let the waft of smoke fill her nostrils as she stared around her dark kitchen. She shifted on the stool, her fingers tapping on the countertop. Then, her comm beeped, the screen glazing over her eyes as she got a confirmation notification that her appointment was in an hour. She blinked and she was back in her kitchen staring at her cake. She grabbed a knife and cut herself a slice.

"Happy birthday Alice," she murmurs to herself.

It's not that Alice had no friends. She was a very sociable girl. Maybe that was another reason why the fact she'd never had sex really got to her. She was a very well-adjusted woman. She worked, had a social life, and hung out in the Sector 17 lounges where rich Sector 20 men came to find high-priced escorts. She lived a very satisfying life.

She wanted for little, but what she did want, she couldn't get her mind off of.

She wanted sex and she didn't care if it wasn't special. But she wanted to make sure she picked the right person. Someone who would respect her and make sure she was properly prepared. The man didn't have to love her, but she needed to know that no matter what, at the bare minimum, she'd be treated with basic decency. She didn't like surprises. When she thought of situations she had never been in before her brain automatically went to the darkest scenario.

So no, she hadn't so much as let a man's hand under her panties.

Alice ate her cake slowly, after this, she'd take a shower and get ready for her appointment.

Sector 17 was the upper-class entertainment center. If you wanted something it was there. You just had to find it. So when Alice went looking for a solution to fix her dilemma she was presented with one.

Androids.

State-of-the-art, fully cognizant, customizable sex bots. Or escorts. Whatever.

In 4093, they were identical to humans. It was impossible to tell the difference. Some were servers, some were purchasable spouses, and some were sex bots. The only regulation on androids was that they couldn't run in any political circles but their own.

The way they were programmed, they were able to produce their own thoughts. Maybe they didn't feel anything, but they were real enough for Alice to feel comfortable. She also knew, that while they had some form of free will, their purpose of creation affected their desires and obviously a sex-bot was built to please. So she could say with utmost certainty that what she wanted was what would happen and that's what Alice needed. Certainty. No variables.

She wanted to mark this social achievement off the list.

So as a gift to herself for her birthday, she scheduled a full night appointment with one of the most expensive android escort services she knew of.

It was the price of a single-person emergency escape pod.

Alice saved all year for this and she knew it would be worth every credit.

The Den, which was the name of the business, was a one-of-a-kind business. They didn't just have sex bots. They let you customize your own. Appearance, voice, personality, everything. It was the exact kind of thing Alice salivated for.

Control.

Alice stood. She put her plate and fork in the sink and then quickly washed them. After that, she put her mini birthday cake in the fridge and headed for the bathroom.

She stared at herself in the mirror. Her round face made her still look youthful. Her small heart-shaped lips and doe-like eyes exacerbated the fact. She kept her beige-blonde hair long, it reached to her waist in loose ringlets. All things considered. She was generically attractive. Pretty but boring. There was nothing unique about the kind of beauty she had.

She stripped out of her loungewear and stepped into the shower where the water automatically came raining down on her in the warm temperature she preferred.

Exfoliate, shave, wash. It was ritualistic. She smelled almost too clean.

She had shaved practically every part of her below the neck. Her legs, her arms, the unruly strip of hair that went up to her bellybutton on her belly. The only part of her that wasn't bare was her pussy. She had only trimmed her vulva. Something about that hair made her feel sexy which was few and far between.

After that, she tied a tower around her hair and patted dry and slathered moisturizer and a hydrator on her skin. She painted both her fingernails and toenails a simple white. When she looked in the mirror this time she was smooth and shining.

Brush, blowdry, blowout. Her hair felt silky and smooth when she ran her fingers through it.

She wondered if all this effort mattered, if he was programmed to like her wasn't this all useless? She wasn't sure as she pulled out a lingerie set from her dresser.

White lace in a pretty floral pattern for the bra and thong. Her breasts were holstered but her nipples were easily visible through the fabric.

Whatever the answer to her question was didn't matter. For the first time, she felt hot.

She threw on a long trench coat on top of that. It would hide her exposed body and keep her protected from the artificial breeze that randomly emitted on the Omega Station.

Alice pressed the embedded button on the side of her head–her comm unit–and alerted The Den that she was on her way. Alice lived in Sector 13, so she'd have to take the elevator up 4 levels. It would be relatively quick as long as they weren't packed.

~

The elevators had been pretty sparse when Alice arrived. The inside dinged and the doors opened. Alice walked out, her heels click-clacking on the fake concrete tiles of the ground. She shivered as a breeze passed her by and kissed her inner thighs.

Sector 17 was set up like an earthen city. Of course, no one drove but there were still roads and streets. The lamps were lit and the only thing reminding you this was not a real city were the glass walls and ceiling that gave you a beautiful view of space.

It took 20 minutes for Alice to arrive at The Den. When she entered the doors, the first thing she recognized was the smell of spice invading her nose. It smelled…sensual. As did the music sound that quietly played in the background.

Alice kept her eyes down as she passed several men and women in the waiting room. She approached the receptionist at the desk with a slightly flushed face.

"Hello, how can I help you?" The woman asked.

Alice swallowed, and she smiled weakly. "I have an appointment? For..7:30?"

The receptionist nodded with a smile on her red-painted lips and her fingers deftly began to type on the holographic keyboard of her desk, her eyes flitting between her hands and the screen. Several moments later and she gently said 'Ah'

"Yep, I see you right here. Alice Walker, 7:30. You're right on time! That's good, you won't have to wait, we just need to do a quick check-up and then you're good to go."

"Check-up?" Alice asked nervously.

The receptionist nodded, "Mhm, you'll take a standard blood test to make sure you're free of disease and then we need to check you for any weapons." she looked Alice up and down, "It'll only take a minute. You look good to me." as Alice cursed in her head for not wearing actual clothes under the coat. She nodded and the receptionist went back to typing before acknowledging her once more. "Okay, so just head down the hall–" she pointed to the left– "and you can go inside room 10 where your blood test and security check will be done."

Alice quickly nodded and gave a quiet thank you as she nearly bumped into a man who was speed-walking down the hall also looking at the ground. Despite the luxury of this place, it didn't make the reality any different.

This was a brothel.

While she walked down the hall, Alice realized this place was either highly overrated or soundproofed. She couldn't hear a thing coming from the rooms she was passing.

That was good. Really good. Alice didn't want anyone listening in. This whole thing already had her nerves going. Her hands were slightly trembling and she was queasy.

When she reached the 10th door, which was at the end of the hall and not the beginning, she thought to knock but then remembered the presumed soundproofing and pulled the handle. She peeked through a slight crack in the door and saw a woman in a lab coat sitting in a chair next to a table.

Alice took a deep breath and then walked inside.

The woman–a doctor? Instantly smiled like the receptionist and stood.

"Hello Alice, I'm Dr. Sol," she says in a raspy murmur, she held her hand out for Alice to shake. Alice smiled shyly as she shook the woman's hand.

"Nice..nice to meet you."

"Of course." She says, then she lets go of her hand and turns back to the table.

While she did that Alice expected her room for the night. It was nice, really nice. There was a large queen-sized bed on one side of the room, with a reddish brown wood, matching the headboard were two side tables that had lit candles on them placed in clear glass holders.

The carpet under her feet looked plush and there was a second door in this room that she could safely assume was the bathroom.

"Okay, So I'm sure the receptionist told you but we'll just go over it again, today I'll be giving you a quick blood test and security check." The doctor snapped on a latex glove and Alice flinched.

"Can I ask…why is there a security check?" she asks.

The doctor nods, "Believe it or not, a lot of people try to steal our workers."

"Steal? As in kidnapped?

"Yes that's correct, so we've had to implement a security check to make sure no one is smuggling in any weapons, drugs, or outside tools." the doctor confirms and informs her.

Alice raises a brow, "Drugs?"

The doctor nods as she picks up a blood pricker that Alice recognizes from her tri-monthly check-ups with her own doctor. "That's right, drugs. The androids here are highly sophisticated. They are meant for not only this room but also the outside world when needed. Every android is designed with its own mechanical nervous system, brain panel, and circuitry. They are programmed to be unique."

"That's…amazing."

"Quite."

The doctor pricks Alice's finger then she watches it flood into the vial. The doc smiles and turns back around, she places the vial into a tubular device and faces Alice once again.

"Here comes the awkward part, I'm going to need you to undress for me. You can keep your underwear on though." Alice gulps.

She laughs nervously, "About that…" she says. Her shaky hands open her trench coat and she embarrassingly opens it to her lingerie, the doctor laughs.

"Oh!" she says, "Well that certainly makes things easier." she says, "Please remove your coat so I can do a full rotational check, and step out of your heels." Alice nods and follows the doctor's directions.

The doctor does a quick check over Alice's body, inspects her heels then smiles.

"You're all good Ms. Walker."

"Thank you…"

She turns back to the tubular device and hums, "No disease, that's exactly what I want to see." the doctor says, glancing over her shoulder with a smile. She grabs the machine, takes off her gloves then points to a bowl.

"While our Androids are highly specialized, they cannot procreate, however they do ejaculate. So, depending on your preference you can go bare or use a condom," she says, Alice nods wordlessly and the doc gives her a pat on the shoulder. "Alright then Alice, you're all good to go. Your android will be in shortly."

Alice sighs out in relief when the doctor leaves. She looks around the room once more, picks her coat off the ground, and drapes it on the chair. She peeks into the bathroom and spots a fluffy white bathrobe. "Score." She takes it off the hook and wraps it around herself then ties it.

With that, Alice sits on the bed nervously.

She fiddled with her hands on the bed, took some deep breaths then started pacing the room. When the android still didn't arrive, she moved her heels so they hadn't just been sloppily kicked off where someone could trip.

Alice's head snapped when she heard the door rattle slightly and her heart dropped to her gut.

The door slowly opened and revealed the exact man she had spent five hours customizing on her computer two weeks ago.

Tan, tall, broad. He had dark brown hair, so dark it looked black in this light, slicked and styled back but it seemingly looked effortless. His eyes were brown, he had a strong nose and an angular jaw. He was broad and big and suddenly Alice felt embarrassed.

Is this what she had really wanted for her first time? Was this her dream man?

Yes.

Yes, it was, and he was.

He smiled at her with straight white teeth and her eyes widened.

"Hi.." she breathed out, smiling back out of reflex. That seemed to make him smile wider. He was perfect, and not in a way that made him almost creepy. He looked human, his face wasn't completely symmetrical, one of his eyebrows was higher than the other and his eye was a bit thinner on top. She had asked for that. "I'm Alice…"

"I'm Ren." He introduced. It was the only thing she hadn't been able to customize–his name.

She looked at the floor for a moment, scraping her bare foot against the plush carpet and her eyes flitted back up when she heard the door close and lock.

He walked over to her and her eyes got wider than they were before. He crouched before her with that charming smile, crouched like he was about to propose. One leg bent, slumped slightly and an elbow resting on his knee.

"Don't worry." he said, low and smooth, "Everyone's nervous their first time."

Alice swallowed and nodded, "Thanks."

Abruptly he said, "You're beautiful" Alice blushed and smiled shyly.

"You have to say that."

"I still mean it." he said, then looked her up and down again, looking into her eyes, trailing down her neck then resting for a moment on her bare legs "And I have preferences like any person would." admitted the android and her heart started beating double time.

That couldn't be true. Could it?

"Okay.." she says awkwardly and he chuckled.

He reached for her hand and she let him touch her. This was familiar to her. She had been gently touched before, she had let people put their tongues in her mouth. This was okay. This was safe.

His thumb stroked the back of her hand and she shivered.

"Why don't we go sit on the bed?" he asks. She freezes and he laughs again, "To talk. We have all night for that." That. Sex. Intercourse. Fucking. However you wanted to put it, it was all Alice could think about when looking at this male–android? This artificial man.

"Okay…"

"Good."

He stood from his crouched position and helped her out of her seat, he looked her up and down for the third time, leading her to sit on the foot of the bed. Once sat she stared at him with an awed bewildered expression.

He didn't speak at first, content to just let her stare at him while he held and stroked her hand, soon moving to her wrist and then arm…

"Why don't you tell me about yourself Alice?" he encouraged.

She swallowed and nodded, "Well…I work as the assistant for a sector 19 CEO." she started because it was the most interesting thing about her. He nodded.

"Very impressive." he murmured, "I" 'm a SB009 model, which means I am one of the original androids made for The Den."

She took an indrawn breath, "Really?" she asked nervously and slightly relieved.

"Mhm.."

"So you're experienced."

"Quite."

"How experienced would you say?"

He chuckles, "You're pretty nosy." he teased and she flushed.

"Sorry.." she whispered.

Ren shrugged, "I've been working and living as an escort for 3 years, I work 4 days a week. You can do the math unless you would like me to…" he says, trailing off for the first time.

Alice did not need to do the math. If he was having sex at least once a day for 4 days every week…well, she could see why the blood test was necessary. Did he have to take a blood test? What a stupid question! He was a robot, he didn't have blood. Or maybe he does? His hand feels warm…

"Do you get tested?" she asked quizzically, he laughed, seemingly undisturbed by her question.

"I am…" he cleared his throat, "sterilized after every session."

Alice's eyes widened, "Oh." Did that mean he could just remove…? She cleared her throat and nodded. Neat.

He smiled, "Yes." His hand was still stroking the back of her hand and it made it extremely hard to focus on conversation when the most handsome man she had ever seen was sitting right in front of her, smiling and touching her.

"Tell me more about yourself, Alice. Something that's not work-related. What do you like to do with yourself?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your hobbies," he elaborated and she relaxed.

"Oh. Uhm…" Everything Alice did was boring. She shrugs, "I'm more of an R & R type of person…I like to relax…so I go to the spa a lot, or do yoga classes…" he perks at that.

"Yoga huh?" he says, a glimmer in his eye. Her brows furrowed and she nodded, "You're quite flexible then?" she gulped and nodded once again as he chuckled. "That's good. It's good to keep healthy."

"W-what do you do?" she asks, "You said you only work 4 days a week, does that mean you–"

"Have a life outside of The Den?" he finishes for her and she nods. "Yes, I do. There are few times when I need to sleep so I have a lot of free time." That interested her so she nodded again to signal he had her attention. "Well, let's see..how about I tell you how one of my days would normally go?"

"That sounds good."

"Well, I wake up, take a morning run..shower–"

"You can get wet?"

"Yes. I can be fully submerged in water."

"Can you..drown?"

He chuckles, "No. I cannot drown. I don't need air."

"That's amazing." She says slightly awed, "So..theoretically could you live your entire life underwater?" That gave him a pause but eventually, he shrugged.

"Theoretically, yes, but I imagine that would be very lonely."

"You get lonely?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

She frowns, "Yes but…" he smiles at her like they're in on the same secret.

He ignored her, "After my shower, I finally eat and no, it is not necessary to eat but I can eat and I have a digestive system that disintegrates anything I do eat. I have taste receptors. So while I don't need to, I want to." She wonders how many times he's had to explain this to a client.

Alice was not a scientist nor an engineer, she had no idea how a piece of technology could taste but she nodded anyway.

"Then, if I'm not working, we'll just say this is my day off, I will either go visit friends or do an activity." Friends..he had friends. "After that, I will come home," Where was his home? Did he live in The Den? "And I will usually read or watch something before going to bed."

Ren's life sounded simple. Simple but nice.

"That sounds…very peaceful," she says.

He nods, "Yes."

"Do you live here?" she asks.

He shakes his head, "No. I have a regular apartment unit. I am paid credits for my time here at The Den." Alice's eyes widened at that. He lived like a person. He looked like a person. He acted like a person. Doesn't that make him one? Or is this just an extraordinarily sophisticated list of code? Maybe he was lying. Maybe this was the backstory they created him with. She hadn't gotten to customize his backstory…

"That's all very interesting." she says, "You have friends? Are they androids like you?"

"Most of them, yes. I have very few human friends."

"Why is that?"

He smiled but she couldn't understand what was so amusing.

Finally, he shrugged, "It is just how things have turned out."

"Do you enjoy your job?"

"I…" he paused, "do you?" he asked.

She shrugged as well. "It's work. It pays for the bills." Ren nodded.

"That is what I think as well."

That made Alice's stomach twist. So he would just tolerate tonight? The way Alice understood how androids work was that they had a natural favor for their purpose but now this android was personally telling her he did not enjoy his work but merely did it because it was what he was paid to do.

"Do you get treated well here?" she asked a little quieter.

"Very well," he says.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Tell me more." Alice wanted him to elaborate. She wanted to make sure this man wasn't being treated like some Sector 2 low-class gigolo.

"Well," he seemed to shift positions, then he looked at the bed. "Come lay down with me then I'll tell you." he bargained which shocked her. She didn't know he was allowed to do that. But I guess he didn't owe her anything from his personal life.

She nodded without hesitation, crawling further onto the bed and laying against the headboard. He did the same, one arm thrown over her shoulder and pulling him into her side which made her heart race, and the other doing that same circling motion he was doing on the back of her hand the whole time they spoke. She wanted to know more about an–this android's life.

"Let's see," he says, clicking his tongue. He raises a finger. "I get 60% of the profits The Den makes off my clients." Alice's eyes widened at that. "I'm allowed to reject clients if I don't feel comfortable or attracted to them."

"Attracted?" she asks, "How do you know you're attracted to something?" she asks. He was a robot. He couldn't feel at least, not in the way she could.

"How do you know?"

She thought about that, "I just know.."

"Precisely." he says, "I just know."

Her lips thinned and cheeks flushed as she had two realizations. The one that made her blush was that he specifically accepted her as his client because he was attracted to her.

"Keep going..what else."

"I get maintenance insurance." he then says and she laughs.

"You're kidding" he got health insurance for robots? It was both hilarious and sad that something like that existed.

She was beginning to get more and more comfortable with Ren as he spoke, telling her about all the benefits he received from working at The Den. She even found herself subtly cuddling into him as she listened to him. At some point, she even started to rest her head on his shoulder.

Alice only noticed that when his hand had started to play with her hair. She shivered. This was all very…intimate. She had expected something a lot more primitive. She guessed this was what her money was paying for.

He felt so real and from what he was telling her, (if he wasn't lying) by all means she would consider this artificial man a real one.

She understood now why the Android Protectant Program existed. They discussed android rights with both the human and alien commanders of Omega Station.

"Alice?"

She refocused on him, "Yes?"

He smiled, "Should we get started now that we know each other better?" Alice looks him in the eyes nervously.

"Maybe we can talk some more?" She asked.

He nodded, "We can do that." he murmured, he stroked her scalp, "We can just talk all night if that's what you want." Alice leaned into his touch, sighing softly.

She wanted to take him up on that offer and back out of her birthday goal.

"Today's my birthday.." she says loosely, moving further into his body.

He looked down at her, "Happy birthday Alice."

"Thank you, Ren."

He shifted, turning towards her further, his hand moved from her scalp to her cheek. Stroking it with his thumb and her eyes widened. "Tell me more."

"More?"

"About you.."

"Oh."

She swallowed, and shrugged, getting distracted by his touch. "I'm uhm, 30…single obviously, you already know I'm a PA. What else can I tell you?"

Ren laughed, "I'm sure you're more interesting than that."

Ouch.

"Not really.." she muttered.

"No?"

"No."

"You're single? How many boyfriends have you had?" he asked, trying to dig out more from her. "Who was your first love?"

Her brows rose, "My first love huh?" she paused, "Well, I've had about..5 boyfriends? All of them lasted longer than a year." Until they realized she wasn't going to put out. "As for my first love—" Alice had to think long and hard about that.

Her first love.

She didn't really have one?

If she had, she wouldn't be a virgin anymore, she would have found that one person who she could relax with and trust to take care of her and not make fun of her for her inexperience. She wouldn't be here at all.

"I don't think I've had one yet," she replied, soft and honest.

"Me neither." he sympathizes like he understands.

She didn't want to comment on the fact that of course, he had not had his first love yet. He was a robot. He might feel things like attraction and be capable of taste, but she did not think that meant he could love. She did not think a machine was capable of that. However, she didn't want to hurt his 'feelings.'

His thumb began to trace over her bottom lip and her eyes were falling heavy.

"What did you wish for on your birthday today Alice?" he asks.

Her eyes open back up, and she flushes. "I can't tell you."

"No?"

"No. It's bad luck." She lies. An old earth superstition.

He raises a brow, "Are you religious?"

"No."

He hummed, "But you believe in superstition?"

"Don't you?" she asks.

"No," he says almost automatically. "I do not believe in something that cannot be proved."

She laughed softly, "I forget you're just a piece of machinery." she said lightly, but she realized she'd offended him when his eyes narrowed and that wonderful stroking he'd been stopped.

His eyes slightly narrowed. They both went silent and it felt wrong and awkward. She had been getting along with him so well and she just ruined it.

"I-I mean…" she tried to backpedal but well, what she said is the truth. He was a machine. She looks into his…annoyed? Eyes but failed to come up with a better response before asking, "What do you consider yourself." she asks.

"I am not just a piece of technology," he said and she heard an undercurrent of irritation in his voice. "I am a highly competent, highly sophisticated, adaptable piece of tech." he explains, then takes a breath, "I can adapt just as quickly, if not quicker than a human which is what humans are known for no?"

"Uh…I guess?" She didn't know what humans were 'known' for to androids but to the intergalactic community, they were known as barbaric warmongers. But she didn't think that's what they were talking about here. "You can't feel it though, I think that's what makes humanoid species so special."

Air whistled between his perfect teeth and she knew she said the wrong thing.

"I feel," he says defensively. "I witness a situation and react"

"That's not what feeling is." she says lightly, "Feeling is…I don't know. Inherent. They can't be programmed in. You might be a good mimic but I don't think you feel emotion." She didn't know why she was debating with this android. Why she was pushing him further and further in the way as his…anger rose?

"I feel, I can tell you what I'm feeling now."

"What?" she asks softly. "What are you feeling?"

"Inhuman."

"You are inhuman."

"You know what I mean. You're making me feel like I'm not a person. That I am…just a tool." This seemed to weigh heavily on him and it was clear this was not just a one-off conversation but a hardcore belief of his.

"I…" she's at a loss for words. "I'm sorry." she tries. Cringing when she realizes how disingenuous that sounds. "I didn't mean to make you think that. I think you're a person in a way…" she murmurs.

He seemed to relax, "you do?"

"You have free will don't you? No one has to constantly reprogram their movements throughout the day. You can think and do things because of all the information that has been given to you…that's what people do."

"Yes." he agrees, seeming to get less stiff as she kept talking. "Yes." he repeated softly, "You understand."

"I think I do." she says, "But technically speaking, you are a machine," she says, trying to correct her previous statement. "You're made of wires and circuitry."

"And you're made of bone and marrow, but I don't see how that means anything." she sighs in response. He taps her cheek, "Explain it to me, tell me why you think that makes me less of a person."

"I didn't say that"

"No. But that's what you meant."

"I-" She's at a loss for words. Why did this matter? This isn't what they were here for. She didn't need to do whatever they were doing. "I don't have a good argument for you, I'm not an engineer," she murmurs

"And yet."

"Why do you care?" Can he even do that or was his technical procedure to be argumentative to keep her talking? They certainly weren't connecting…

Or were they?

"Wouldn't you care if some species told you that you weren't what you know you are." he asks then continues before letting her respond, "Wouldn't you want to prove them wrong, especially if you like this person."

Alice's eyes widen and she swallows.

He liked her.

Or so he says.

"You keep comparing yourself to me."

"We are alike," he says, stubbornly.

"Not in the way you think."

"You're wrong."

She sighs, "Maybe."

Wearing her down seemed to please this android immensely. He had gone back to absentmindedly stroke her skin. She was not winning this argument but she wasn't very sure if she cared about that before.

"You said you had few human friends," she says wearily. "Why is that?"

"I'm only friends with people who consider me a real person." Oh.

That was… really fucking sad.

"Do you consider me a friend? I think you're a real person."

He stares at her for a few seconds, his thumb returned to her bottom lip, this time tugging it down slightly. He could slip his thumb into her mouth if she parted her teeth ever so slightly.

"No. No, I don't," he spoke quietly.

Ouch.

She tried not to feel hurt by that. She was just his client after all. She nodded. She wanted to be hurt but he was so damn distracting.

"Do you still want to talk?" he murmured.

Did she?

"I want to tell you something first…" she says nervously.

That seemed to catch his interest, and he nodded. "Go on."

"I…so the reason I'm here–" she started. Rambling a bit about how it was her birthday and how she just turned 30 today she thought this would be a good solution to her problem–" I've never had sex before." she admitted quietly.

She expected this android to laugh at her, or look at her like she was undesirable but he didn't.

"You are?" he asked gently, "You came here so you could lose your virginity?"

"Yeah.."

"You mean, you came to me because you want me to deflower you?" she shivered at his words.

"Y-yes…"

There was a distinct hunger in his eyes that shocked her. She didn't feel ashamed, she felt wanted. This was not the reaction she had been expecting. Questions about why she waited so long? Yes. Indifference? Maybe. But not…Hunger.

He licked at his lips. "Have you kissed before?" he asked and she looked aghast.

"Of course!" she said and he laughed, "Of course I-I have…I've just never gone…well I've

never done anything that involved me taking my clothes off."

He seemed amused by that, "There's a lot you can do without taking your clothes off Alice." her brows crinkled.

"I've only kissed. I've made out with men. I've had a boyfriend, several like I told you."

"Uh huh." he nodded but his mind seemed to be somewhere else. "Alice…"

"Yes?"

"I've been waiting to see what you've got hidden under that damned robe for a full hour now…"

Her cheeks heated, and she squirmed. Her lace lingerie. She had forgotten all about it.

"Uhm…"

"Alice," he said, stroking her face, coaxing her. "Are you ready?"

"Maybe?"

"I need a yes Alice," he says seriously.

She could see that he meant it.

She nodded slightly dazed, "Yes Ren."

The man practically lunged for her. She yelped as he flung himself atop her, her eyes widened and she couldn't help but giggle when he placed her arms spread out like a starfish. He looked back into her eyes.

"Yes?"

She nodded. "Yes."

He opened the robe and sucked in a breath.

"Oh Alice," he said, his eyes slightly widened and lips parted. His hands hovered above her like he didn't know where to touch first. She bit her lip.

Waiting, wanting, needing. She needed him. She wanted him to just do whatever he was going to do because at this point just straddling her hips and staring enraptured by her breasts made her feel good. She needed him to keep touching her.

"I expected them to be small…" he murmured, taking a cupful of her tits with one hand, she breathed out in a whoosh. "This is better," he remarks.

His other hand slipped a finger under the strap of the white bralette and it snapped back against her shoulder. She let out another breath.

"This is nice. Pretty." He said, "Do you want me to take it off?" He asked on tenterhooks. His eyes flitted from her bralette to her face. Up and down, up and down, she could tell when he spotted her nipple in the almost see-through fabric because his eyes stayed there for a long time before he looked back to her face.

"Eventually."

"Thank god." he groaned and she curled her lip into a smile.

"I thought you said you weren't religious?"

"I'm not but maybe for you"

That made her fully smile. He was charming. She could give him that. Alice had to remind herself that this was not as real as she'd like it to be. That she paid him a hefty sum–60% of which would land right into his pocket–to be here, doing this.

He certainly didn't look like he was just tolerating her like she had previously worried.

His thumb with the hand cupping her breast circled her hardened nipple and she sighed in contentment. This was the second time she had let someone do this before. Her very last boyfriend before she swore them off.

His other thumb was tracing the band of her bralette.

He slipped his hand underneath the fabric, watching her face carefully as she did it.

"Yes?"

"Yes." she breathed out.

"Fuck." he murmured, squeezing her breast, she shivered and he circled her nipple. Skin to skin. His other hand went underneath the bralette and she moaned softly and he massaged her breasts, groping her.

"Take it off please," she asked softly.

He laughed bewildered, "Please? You're going to beg me?" he asked, "you don't have to beg me for anything Alice, I should be begging you."

She had no clue how to respond to that.

He was really very good with his words. He made this experience feel a lot more intimate than it probably was. It made her…trust him. Other than the fact he was a professional. He was also giving her a lot of control with him asking if what he did was okay. She liked that. It made her feel safe.

The white lace bralette didn't have a clip so he pulled it over her head and tossed it to the side.

He stared at her bare breasts for a long while and she felt embarrassed about how they pointed in opposite directions from her chest. She moved to cover them but he shook his head.

"Don't do that." he said, then backtracked, "No, actually do it. Touch your tits for me Alice." her eyes widened and her stomach curled. In a good way for the first time.

"How should I…?"

"Whatever feels good," he said, already moving his hands to touch other parts of her body now that she had agreed to take care of her breasts.

He watched her avidly, his eyes flicking between her breasts and face, it seemed he couldn't make up his mind on which he wanted to see. Alice sighed and started to gently stroke her nails over her right breast.

Alice didn't have too much sensitivity in her breasts but doing it in front of someone made it far more exciting for her. She liked Ren's rapt gaze. She gave her breasts a squeeze on both sides then mimicked the way he had circled her nipple. Touching the sides then rubbing the tips.

"Mhm.." he nodded, "Like that." he encouraged and she swallowed.

While she did that, he began to run his hands all over her. He ran a hand down the valley between her breasts, then her ribcage and her soft belly last. It made her feel ticklish, she squirmed a bit but he didn't seem to mind.

As she circled her nipples he stroked her thighs and instinctually she let them fall open. His eyes snapped up to hers and he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of her thong that he hadn't even gotten the chance to appreciate.

"Yes," she said a bit breathless before he inevitably asked himself.

He nodded eagerly and began pulling them down. She lifted her hips and then bent her knees when they got stuck because she was lying down. He slipped them off one ankle, then the neck, and tossed it wherever her bra had ended up. She was completely naked now.

"Beautiful," he murmurs.

"You..you have to say that," she said, slightly panting out of arousal. She was getting turned on by just his long drawn-out looks. He shook his head.

"I don't." he says, "I could say nothing and skip straight to eating your pussy." he says. Her eyes widened.

"Huh?"

"I do that sometimes. When I'm strapped for credits and need to take on an extra client or two who isn't my type."

"Ren…" she said, breathy. "Don't say that, it's rude."

"Sorry." he looked up at her, "But you are beautiful."

She nodded slightly, "Thank you."

"Mhm.." he hummed, then spread her thighs apart, "Sweet too, you're sweet." he says, "My sweet girl.." the words come out in a gentle purr and his eyes widened when he watched a clear bead of slick drip down her pussy to her ass.

That seemed to set him off, he lifted her hips off the bed and laid her legs over his shoulders.

"You're still dressed!" She said a little panicked. She was nervous.

He grinned up at her, "after." is all he said before burying his face into her cunt.

She gasped and her hands bunched into the sheets, she lifted her hips further to get closer to his already intruding tongue.

"Ren!"

"Mmm…." he sucked and laved, his wide tongue starting with long strips up her seam then getting nose deep into her. His tongue prodded at her entrance and she squirmed.

"Oh..!" she whined. "Wait…!" she was distressed, she felt…weird.

He lifted his head and she whimpered at the bottom half of his face. His skin was shiny.

"What?" he asked like he had been disturbed by something very important.

"I…I don't know," she whispered.

His face softened, "Too fast?" he asked, seeming to calm. She wanted to say yes but she shook her head no. She wanted to feel that again. To try again.

"I'm ready now," she murmurs.

"Yes?"

"Yes." she breathes out.

He dipped his face back between her legs and she shot up this time. Balancing herself on her elbows as he sucked on her clit instead of just brushing over it with his tongue.

She was moaning now, it was undeniable, the keening noises coming straight from her mouth. It made her a little embarrassed. She thought she sounded obnoxious but he seemed not to mind it and used it as a measure of when he could push her further.

One hand was placed on her mound, pulling the skin upwards so he had more access to her clit. It made her hiss. Too much! She didn't stop him though, she squeezed her eyes closed. His other hand slid inside her thigh and then towards her cleft.

He inserted the very tip of his finger into her and she felt the slightest stretch. There was no discomfort, she was too wet for that. His eyes met hers as he slowly slipped the finger in, in one go. Her mouth dropped into an 'o' shape and she was starting to breathe heavily.

His finger was knuckled deep inside her and then he was pulling it out, before he could fully remove himself, he slid forward again. Alice made a terrible sound, something that didn't sound sexy but was primal.

Ren seemed to like that so he did the same thing, again, and again. He sucked her clit and fingered her like an expert–because he was.

Her eyes went closed again and she just let herself feel and hear the wet sensations and sounds.

It sounded downright perverse with the occasional moan and groan coming from the man between her legs. She couldn't bear to look. It was too arousing and embarrassing. But it was finally happening. Alice was going to lose her virginity tonight.

A man–artificial man, was eating her pussy and soon, he'd fuck it.

She could feel something building within her. A heat and pressure that was driving her insane. She wasn't quite sure if she was supposed to be doing something but she could do little more than buck herself against Ren's face and pull at his hair in an attempt to get him closer. If that was even possible.

The feeling was startling and amazing, she whined out Ren's name. Calling for him and her stomach was starting to tighten as her legs locked.

"Oh–!" she gasped as he retracted his face from her thighs.

She looked at him bewildered, they stared at each other for a moment and she had been stunned into silence. She was breathing heavily while he looked at her with a smug grin.

He let her legs fall from his shoulders and backed up just enough to let her watch him remove his shirt. He stood up and unbuckled his jeans next but all she could pay attention to was his muscled torso.

He wasn't lean and lithe–no, she hadn't asked for that. He was broad and bulky, there were defining lines that clued her into his physique but his stomach was a little softer. His arms flexed and bulged. She bit her lip, she couldn't wait until he was on top of her.

He grinned down at her, "I won't ask if you like what you see, because I know you do."

Ren was right.

Alice had completely customized Ren from the ground up. From his body type to the light spackling happy trail that gave way to–oh.

His conservative 5 ½ in member. Which sounded like plenty for a novice like her. She didn't want to be impaled the first time or ever really.

"Yeah…" she nodded and agreed in a daze. It was like he was hypnotizing her. Her eyes flitted to his thick thighs then back to the already hard cock between them. It curved slightly, had enough girth for her thumb and index finger to circle and then there were the veins. She thought–knew those would feel good.

He smiles down at her. All charm.

She lay there like a doll, just ready for him to get back on top of her.

"Though I'd love to see it, I won't ask you to take me in your mouth today." again, another nod though she didn't really digest what he was saying

He put his knee back onto the foot of the bed and it was over from there when he dragged her down and positioned her spread eagle–knees slightly bent.

He kneeled between her legs.

Ren looked at her face while his hands stroked her thighs. "What do you want sweet Alice?" sweet? "Hm?"

She didn't answer because she thought it was rhetorical and he chuckled.

He slightly patted her outer thigh, "Tell me."

"Tell you?" she asked.

"What you want."

She bit her lip a little confused.

"You?" she said though it came off more as a question than a statement.

Ren smiled. "Uh-huh. But what part of me?" he spoke, coaxing her.

"Your…?" she trailed off but didn't finish the sentence.

"Go on, tell me, sweetheart."

Her eyes flitted to the side and she murmured "Your uhm..I want.." she breathed. "I want your cock." she said and his grin broadened.

"That's my girl." he praised and it gave her not only butterflies but a severely aching pussy. "You ready, sweet thing?"

"Yeah…"

"Good." she watched. She couldn't look away, from his hand grasping his stiff cock. He stroked it once, twice–three times. He grabbed her thighs and wrapped her legs around his waist, then slid forward.

They both groaned as he slid between her vulva.

He did it a couple of times, bumping her clit with his tip before he seemed to get impatient with that and tease her entrance.

"Ren." she gasped as he moved inside ever so slightly.

"Hm?" he hummed absently, looking at nothing but their soon conjoined parts. "What is it?"

"It…feels weird," she says.

His eyes flit up, "Bad weird? Does it hurt?"

"No…" God no. She was too slick for something like that. Her juices had gone from coating her ass and inner thighs to the sheets beneath her by now. "Just weird…"

His neck strained and his jaw clenched, "Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

He breathed in relief then slid further in and she keened.

He stopped again, letting her adjust. She stared at him with wide-open eyes, unable to do anything but watch what was being done to her–because frankly, she wasn't doing shit but laying there.

"Uh huh." he murmured, moving in again, just an inch, "gods" he hissed. He glared at the ceiling and paused. "You're killing me."

"Sorry." She wasn't and he seemed to sense it.

Another inch, she gasped, then another, and the both of them moaned. Then, finally, he was to the hilt. He didn't move a muscle. Just stood there with his eyes clenched.

"Something wrong?" she asked softly, a little breathless but mostly just feeling full.

"Not at all. Everything's great." his eyes searched for hers and he cupped her cheek and leaned forward. "Perfect." it was at that moment, she realized they had not kissed yet.

Maybe he seemed to realize it too because he was bending forward, causing her to moan with pleasure and anticipation as he buried himself deeper from the position he was moving into. He moved his hand to the nape of her neck and pushed her towards him.

His lips met hers and he groaned, shifting his hips forward. Rocking against her.

"Ngnh"

Her mouth opened and he didn't hesitate to take advantage of the fact as he explored her mouth with his wet, hot tongue.

This she knew how to do as they teasingly stroked one another's not giving too much or too little but just enough. He thrust forward unexpectedly and she moaned. How was she going to live without this? It took her an entire year to save up for Ren. How the hell was she going to just give this–him up?

His hips shifted again and they both pulled away to breathe out, he wasn't moving in and out, he was pushing himself deeper and deeper, going in, in, in as she writhed around him.

She was beginning to pulse again and he groaned before pulling out.

"What are you doing?" she whined.

He didn't speak.

Instead, he grabbed her by the hips and turned her onto her belly. His hands massaged her ass momentarily but then he was at her cleft.

He slid in without a word and they both groaned in response. There was no need for a waiting period. He could thrust in and out as much as he liked. He pulled out halfway before going into the hilt again. He wasn't going particularly fast but his balls still slapped against her cunt now.

The noises were lewd and wet.

It sounded…squishy.

"Ren.." she called. Gripping the sheets. "Please…" she begged, "Faster."

"Mmm…"

He did as she asked, moving at a quicker pace but remaining deep inside her. One arm was wrapped around her hips to keep her pinned to him and the other was on her ass.

Experimentally, she tried to meet his thrusts and he moaned in encouragement.

He lasted about 2 minutes doing that before he groaned, buckling forward. "Fuck. That's it sweetheart." he hissed. "That's fucking it" she whined in response, her ass slapping against his hips over and over.

Suddenly, she felt vibrations coming from inside her. Her mouth dropped open, eyes peeled back and a hoarse cry came out of her mouth.

She paid extra for that. She forgot all about it completely.

She pushed back against him frantically, fucking herself onto his vibrating cock.

Alice whimpers and Ren pulls her hair to the side, he kisses her shoulder and then buries his face into the crook of her neck breathing her in with another groan. He spoke into her ear, raspily telling her how good she felt.

"So warm.." he murmured. "Your pussy is clenching onto cock so tightly." he hissed.

Her abdomen was tightening, she could feel the pressure of her orgasm growing tighter and tighter and it made her scared. She was making a rhythmic "uhn!" sound nonstop, growing higher and higher pitched.

"Yes." he crooned, "that's it sweet girl, cum on my cock."

"I-I can't!" she wheezed, "Oh no, no, no! I'm scared!" The tightness was so strong she was scared she was going to…she didn't know, but tears were prickling at her eyes and a large arm wrapped around her chest. Pulling her back against Ren's torso, she gasped with an arched back, "Agnh!"

Just before she thought it was finally going to happen, she wailed when he started mercilessly rubbing her clit back and forth. She was yelling–shrieking incoherent words.

"You can baby, cum for me." He encouraged me once more. "It's going to feel so good just let go.."

And she did.

Her voice cracked as she screamed out her orgasm, her toes curling, her back arching as her head flung back against Ren's shoulder. He was fucking into her with no end in sight as this happened and she felt the pulsing of her pussy, she was crying now. All of that pressure released into one big wave of euphoria, Ren let out his own shout of satisfaction and she was filled with an oozing warmth that made her keen.

Then, it was all gone and she was a twitching sobbing mess.

Ren immediately took her down onto the bed, rolling them over so that his back was against the mattress and she was between his legs, she could feel his now soft cock on her lower back as she panted.

"You did so well." he murmured, "So, so good sweetheart." she groaned in response, her eyes falling heavy and tired. His hands were in her hair, stroking her scalp while the other stroked her tummy.

"Ren…" she croaked.

He hummed, "I know." He said, "I know."

Did he know? Because she had no idea what she had been about to say. All she knew was that she felt exhausted and scared and the way he was assuring her of how good she had done was making her feel warm and sleepy.

" 'm tired.." she slurred.

"You can just sleep, Alice." he suggested softly, "I'll be here. You have me all night. I'm here."

The reminder of their time slot made her shiver a bit but she ignored it. She switched to her stomach and crawled atop him, throwing her body on his, and passed out. She heard the faint sound of a chuckle before she was out of it.

In the morning, Alice's eyes fluttered open to the surprise of Ren.

He was still here and it was–her eyes glazed over as she checked her comm for the time–morning. She had thought he'd leave while she was asleep but that did not seem to be the case

She was tempted to wake him up but instead she ever so carefully disentangled herself from his body.

When she was standing she looked down at him. They had fallen asleep above the covers and he was splayed out. His head tilted to the side the same way soft his cock was while it rested on his abdomen.

Again.

She felt tempted to touch him but wasn't that against the rules? Their time was over…

Expectedly, that did not sit well with her.

Instead, she shook her head and snuck off into the bathroom. She needed a shower. She had dried…cum? 'Ejaculate' dried on her inner thighs.

Before she could close the door however it seemed she had woken him up.

Ren strolled into the bathroom with a smile on his sleepy face.

Alice stared at him through the mirror, half curious and half admiring his chest. He walked behind her, draping his arms around her waist before resting his chin on her neck.

She was slightly startled but didn't move.

"What are you doing?" She asks curiously.

"Holding you," he responded easily.

Well of course but...?

"Why?" She asks, concerned but also hopeful.

Alice could admit it. She wanted to see him again.

"Because I want to." he once again responded with ease. It was so simple, wasn't it?

"Why do you want to?" She asks softly.

He looks into her eyes through the mirror, kissing her neck before answering, "Because I had a really good time last night."

"Yeah but..."

"But what?" He was slightly frowning now.

"I hired you."

"I don't care," he said, then paused. "Unless you care. I connected with you last night, did you connect with me?" Alice's eyes widened. How could he possibly just admit that? didn't he have any concern for his heart?

No, because he didn't have one.

She looked back at him, "I did..."

"Good."

"Isn't this against some rule?" she asks.

"What?"

"Asking a client out."

"Uh," his eyes glaze over, and rapidly data scrolls over his eyes. They cleared. "No."

"Really?"

"Mhmm.." he hummed.

This was all so bizarre. Could it be that simple? He wanted to date her so now they were? Life didn't work like that, did it? Alice had been wrong, nothing about this night had been safe nor had she had any control over it whatsoever.

He wanted her. She wanted him. That was simple.

Hell. She decided to take a risk.

"So are we actually friends now?" She asked.

"No Alice," he smiled, "We are certainly not just friends," he spoke and her heart leapt.

She searched his eyes. Did he really like her? He had said so before they had sex but now it felt a little more genuine. She licked her dry lips and he stared at her expectantly. She had no idea how this would work but she was willing to give it a shot. She gave a shy nod.

He grinned. "Yes?"

"Yes."

[libraryofgage]

Hashah Tovah! It's Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and there's no such thing as too much Jewish Steve in my book (that being said, this story isn't about the New Year, it's about Shabbat hfjdks)

Also, I'm gonna be honest, this fic is a love letter to Judaism and my experiences with my temple and the people there. My experiences aren't universal, though, so please don't take anything here as, like, the end-all-be-all of Judaism. If you have questions about anything here, you can ask me; I'll be happy to answer ^_^

The time period is also very loose. Upside Down happened, but some of the attitudes are probably a bit more modern. Honestly, I suggest just shutting off your brain and enjoying the story lmao

CW: vague mentions of antisemitism and homophobia

As always, if you see any typos no you didn't

(also this is like 4k so buckle in bois)

----

Steve's car has officially given up on life. Honestly, he's surprised it even managed to live this long. For all it's been through, it probably deserves some rest and TLC. Steve just wishes it could have demanded that rest and TLC on any other day.

Because it's Friday. Because it's Shabbat. Because he's about to have a mob of concerned elderly members of his temple crowding his door if he doesn't go to services tonight, and that's not something he wants his neighbors to see.

He considers calling Robin, but she won't be much help. She might be his Emergency Goy, but she doesn't have a car. Now that he's thinking about it, Robin may not be the best Emergency Goy, not that he'd ever tell her that.

He knows one other person with a car, of course, but that means he has to call Eddie. Not that Steve has anything against him, of course, but Eddie makes him feel a lot of things that he's not quite ready to confront just yet.

Steve frowns, staring at the phone for a long moment, trying to come up with any other option.

Steve comes up empty.

Shit.

He takes a deep breath and takes the phone off the receiver, slowly punching in the numbers as though he'll suddenly have an epiphany before he's finished dialing.

Unfortunately, he doesn't, and the phone is now ringing. It rings twice before getting picked up, Eddie's familiar voice saying, "You've reached Casa de Munson. The fuck do you want?"

"Do you always answer the phone like that?" Steve asks, momentarily forgetting about the favor he was planning to ask.

He hears Eddie hum and can practically picture the way he's now leaning against the wall next to the phone, an amused smirk tugging at his lips. "Well, well, well. If it isn't Stevie. What, pray tell, has you calling me?" he asks.

Steve almost hangs up. This is already stressful for him. What if Eddie doesn't agree? Worst, what if he does? Wouldn't that mean Eddie is going to see a part of himself that nobody but Robin has seen? That's fucking terrifying. What if Eddie suddenly hates him?

"I, uh, I need a favor," Steve admits.

"What kind of favor?"

If he wanted, Steve could just lie. It wouldn't be his first time lying about Friday plans. "My car won't start," Steve says, hesitating for a second more before continuing, "and I need a ride to the next town tonight."

"Gee, Harrington, get invited to a party?" Eddie asks, a slight edge to his voice that Steve can't quite place.

"What? No. I...it's not a party, okay? This is really important to me, man. Can you give me a ride or should I ask someone else?"

Maybe Hopper or Joyce would have enough time to give him a ride. He just needs to be dropped off. Getting back...can be a bridge he crosses when he comes to it.

"What time would we be getting back?" Eddie asks, pulling Steve from his thoughts.

"Probably after nine. And we need to be there at six, so that means leaving here no later than five," Steve says, trying to ignore the growing hope and sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. "I know it's really last minute, but you could spend the night at my place after. If you want."

"Will it be fun?"

"Uh, maybe? I don't know, man, it kinda depends. I find it fun, but you might get...bored," Steve says. Or offended. Maybe infuriated? Maybe betrayed that this is a whole part of Steve's life he's never hinted at.

"You're being real mysterious about all this, big boy."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just hard to explain."

"Well, lucky for you, I'm bored and curious."

----

On the drive, Eddie keeps trying to figure out where Steve is directing him. He keeps asking questions, Steve keeps dodging them, and that feeling of inevitable dread keeps growing.

Of course, all that dodging is rendered obsolete as Eddie pulls into a parking spot and shuts off the van. A few families are walking into the temple, some parents glancing curiously at the unfamiliar van, some glancing suspiciously, and some too distracted by kids to notice.

"Uh, are you sure this is the place?" Eddie asks, frowning slightly as he looks at the temple and then at Steve.

Steve swallows around the lump in his throat, his hands nervously gripping the material of his sweater. "I'm Jewish," he blurts out, feeling his face burning. When a few seconds pass without any response, he burns holes into a tree outside and adds, "It's Friday night services. Shabbat. I've missed too many because of...you know. The, um, the Rabbi called and asked if I was okay, and I promised to be at services tonight. You don't have to stay if you don't feel comfortable."

"You don't look Jewish."

Steve tenses, jerking his head to look at Eddie. There's no malice in his eyes. No suspicion, either, thankfully. He just looks...confused. "What's a Jew supposed to look like?" Steve asks in return, wondering if Eddie even knows that he's toeing the edge of the antisemitic swimming pool.

Eddie opens his mouth before closing it again. "Uh...I don't know, actually. Just...not you, I guess?"

Okay. Yeah. Steve can deal with this. He forces himself to relax. "Well, Jews come in all shapes and sizes," he says. He hesitates before deciding to get a burning question out of the way. "Are you angry?"

"What the fuck would I be angry about?"

"That I didn't tell you. That I was Jewish. To be fair, only Robin knows."

Eddie shakes his head, turning in his seat to face Steve. "No, Stevie, I'm not angry. I mean, I live in Hawkins, too. Not exactly the place to be standing out unless you wanna get accused of murder."

Despite himself, Steve can't help snorting at that. He takes a deep breath, the last bit of tension leaving his shoulders. "Well, uh, do you want to stay for services?" he asks.

"Can I? I'm not Jewish. And I'm dressed like this," Eddie says, gesturing at his clothes.

A Hellfire Club shirt, denim vest, gaudy rings, and dark jeans. It's incredibly Eddie, and something about it reassures Steve. He says, "You're with me, so not being Jewish is fine. And your clothes are okay, too. It's not formal."

"My shirt literally says Hellfire."

"Well, it's a good thing Judaism doesn't really have a hell."

Eddie stares at him for a few seconds, clearly full of questions, but then he just nods and climbs out of the van. Steve blinks and scrambles out as well, wanting to create some kind of buffer between Eddie and the congregation members who see a stranger and instantly become defensive.

The moment he's shut the door, he hears a little kid shout excitedly, "Steve!"

He whirls around in time to see a young girl rush across the parking lot, much to the shock and concern of her guardian. Thankfully, there aren't any cars, so the girl is unimpeded in her rush to Steve.

Eddie comes around the side of the van just in time to see the girl launch herself at Steve, giggling when he lifts her up and spins. "Yael! Have you gotten bigger?" he asks, smiling brightly as he comes to a stop and sets her on his waist.

Yael returns his smile with a grin of her own, tilting her head up so he can clearly see the brand-new gap in her teeth. "I lost a tooth! See? It came out last week," she tells him, practically bouncing in his arms.

By now, Yael's grandfather has reached them, smiling indulgently. "Yael," he says, his voice gentle but firm, "you know better than to run across parking lots." When she mumbles an apology, he looks at Steve, his smile turning warm. "Steve, it's been a few weeks. I'm glad to see you again, and you've even brought a friend."

Steve returns the smile and nods, shifting closer to Eddie. "Yeah, things got a little...chaotic in Hawkins. Oh. Mr. Adler, this is Eddie Munson. Eddie, Elijah Alder."

Mr. Adler's eyes light up, and Steve suddenly remembers something incredibly embarrassing. "Oh?" he says, looking at Eddie with renewed interest, "So this is the famous Eddie Munson? I'm glad to see you've healed well."

Eddie blinks, glancing at Steve. "Uh, thanks. How'd you know?"

"Steve asked the Rabbi to include you during the Mi Shebeirach."

"The Misha what now?"

"Mi Shebeirach," Steve says, gently nudging Eddie with his elbow. "It's a prayer for healing."

Mr. Adler nods once, his eyes practically dancing with new gossip. "Oh, yes, you've created quite the stir among the Sisterhood, you know. They have a backlog of Mi Shebeirach cards and nowhere to send them."

Steve translates that information as "the old ladies have been dying to know who this mysterious Eddie Munson is, so Steve had better brace himself." His smile becomes a little strained. "Well, let's get it over with, then."

Mr. Adler nods and gestures for Steve and Eddie to follow as he leads them toward the temple. While they walk, Yael looks at Eddie, her eyes wide. "Why is your hair so long?" she asks.

"Cuz I like it that way."

"Oh. Why are you wearing rings?"

"Because they're cool."

"Oh. Why did you need healing?"

"I was hurt really bad."

"Oh. By what?"

"A bear."

"Oh. Are you Steve's friend?"

Eddie glances at Steve, meeting his eyes for a brief second before smiling at Yael. "Yeah, Stevie and I are best friends."

Yael smiles right back. "Steve is my best friend, too! He's super strong and can carry me without getting tired and makes the best hamentaschen at Purim!"

"Yael," Mr. Adler says, cutting off any continuation of the conversation as they reach the doors of the temple. "Why don't you go let the Rabbi know Steve has joined us?"

Her entire face lights up with joy. "Okay!" she shouts, wiggling in Steve's arms until he lets her down. She tugs open the door, straining until Steve smiles and helps her. "Thanks! Bye, Steve!"

With that, she dashes into the temple, her voice carrying Steve's name into the room full of other people. When almost all of them, including three children that Steve can see, stop what they're doing and look over at the door, Mr. Adler says from behind Steve and Eddie, "Brace yourselves, my boys. The wolves have appeared."

Steve groans as Mr. Adler pushes them both inside. "Should I be worried?" Eddie whispers, leaning in closer to Steve as the door shuts behind them.

"I apologize in advance," Steve tells him.

Despite his words, he has a large grin as the three kids shout his name and rush over, much like Yael did. They're followed by a few teenagers and their parents. The kids pounce on Steve, two holding onto his biceps and hanging from them as he raises his arms while the third clings to his leg.

"Where ya been?" one of the teens asks, her hair pulled back into a ponytail so permed it looks ready to burst.

"Yeah, man, I've been manning the oneg table by myself," another teen says, his arms crossed over a Metallica shirt. He's got piercings climbing up one ear and through an eyebrow, and his gaze moves to Eddie as he speaks, taking in the other boy. "Who's this?"

"Yeah," another girl asks, smiling at Eddie and batting her eyes in a way that makes even Steve feel uncomfortable, "who's your friend, Steve?"

"Kids," an older woman says, pushing her way through them, "you know better than to crowd. Shouldn't you be passing out prayer books right now?" Once she's managed to shoo the teens away, she turns her gaze on the children still clinging to Steve. "And you three, I heard Mrs. Rost needs help in the kitchen. Something about there being too many cookies to platter all by herself."

Steve suddenly finds himself weightless as the kids abandon him, dashing down the hall toward the kitchen. He smiles with slight relief and looks at the woman. "Thanks," he says, rolling his shoulders.

"Of course, Steve. Now, who's your friend?" she asks, looking Eddie up and down curiously.

"Oh, right. Uh. Rabbi, this is Eddie Munson. Eddie, this is Rabbi Sara. I, um, I was hoping he could sit in on services tonight?"

Rabbi Sara immediately smiles at them. She holds out her hand to Eddie, shaking firmly when he returns the gesture. "Of course! I'm glad to see you're doing better, Eddie. We've been a bit worried about you here," she says. She glances around before leaning in and conspiratorially whispering, "There's a betting pool on whether his name would be added to the Mourner's Kiddish."

Steve snorts, knowing exactly which members would have started that bet. "Yeah, well, tell Diane and Yakov they've lost."

Rabbi Sara barely holds back her laughter, nodding once as she lets go of Eddie's hand. "Well, how about I spare you boys from socializing more," she offers.

When Steve nods, she gestures for them to follow her, leading the way to the sanctuary. He glances at Eddie as they walk, taking in the way he's tugging on a lock of hair and looking at the hall around them. "You doing okay?" Steve whispers, leaning in closer.

Eddie glances at him, is silent for a few minutes, and then says, "It's a lot to take in."

"Service will be easier. Lots of music. You'll like it," Steve promises, smiling reassuringly at Eddie. He hesitates before adding, "And if you want to leave, just let me know. The important part was making sure people saw I wasn't dead."

That's not entirely true. Steve doesn't want to leave the Shabbat service. He misses the routine of it and the feeling of togetherness as everyone sings. But Eddie's comfort is taking precedence here; he's already given Steve a ride and has begun subjecting himself to Steve's nosy congregation. Leaving early if he gets overwhelmed is the least Steve can do, really.

The teen in the Metallica shirt, Sam, holds out two prayer books when Rabbi Sara leads them to the sanctuary doors. His gaze lingers on Eddie for a few seconds more before asking, "Dude, do I know you?"

Eddie blinks and raises an eyebrow. "I don't know. Do you?"

Their gazes hold for nearly a minute before Sam's eyes widen and light with recognition. Steve is bracing himself for the worst (you know, devil worshipper, accused murderer, wannabe criminal, take your pick). Instead, Sam grins and says, "Yeah, I totally do! You're in that band, yeah? The one that plays at Hideout sometimes? Corroded Coffin. Your music is metal, man."

Eddie returns Sam's grin, throwing an arm over his shoulders and leaning in close. "You know, you're alright. Always happy to meet a fan. What's your favorite song?"

"You played that new one last Saturday. Bats, I think. It spoke to me, man."

Steve stares at Eddie, wondering how he missed the fact that Corroded Coffin started playing gigs again. A curl of something like regret or maybe hurt begins to build in his stomach, and he's almost overtaken by it when Eddie nods and says, "Oh, yeah, that one's about Stevie."

"Oohh, dude, that makes so much sense now."

"You wrote a song about me?" Steve asks, successfully regaining Eddie's attention.

Apparently, Eddie sort of forgot he was there. His relaxed posture becomes a little awkward, and he removes his arm from Sam's shoulder. He clears his throat, tugging a lock of hair in front of his mouth as he says, "Yeah. Is, uh, is that a problem?"

"No," Steve says, feeling a reassuring smile tug at his lips, "but you should play it for me sometime."

"This is all very touching," a voice says behind them, "but can you take the flirting inside the sanctuary? We still need our prayer books."

Steve jolts and looks behind them, laughing awkwardly when he sees Rivkah, a woman in her early 30s, and her partner, Tamar. "Sorry," he says, grabbing Eddie's arm and dragging him through the doors.

"Hey, Harrington," Eddie whispers, allowing himself to be pulled over to some chairs near the left corner of the sanctuary, "is everything okay? Like...are we...safe?"

It takes a moment for Steve to understand what Eddie means. Like, of course, he can't guarantee their safety. It's a synagogue. Every person here old enough to understand the world knows the risk, the potential for one person to show up and wreak utter destruction. Steve is about to say as much (and explain the temple's "worst case scenario" game plan) when he notices Eddie glancing at Rivkah and Tamar.

A light bulb practically clicks on above him, and he almost laughs at himself. He sits down and tugs Eddie into the seat next to him. "Yeah, we're safe, Eds," he promises, smiling softly when Eddie looks at him. "Rivkah and Tamar are married. I attended the ceremony. It was very nice. Tamar broke the glass."

Eddie's eyes widen slightly, and he looks around the sanctuary with renewed interest. His gaze especially lingers on the people that file in, taking in the couples and families and groups that wouldn't make much sense outside the temple's doors. Steve is content to let him look, allowing himself to relax back into the seat and wait.

After almost 15 minutes, Rabbi Sara approaches the bema and smiles at everyone. "Good evening, and Shabbat Shalom," she says, nodding along as her greeting is returned. "I'm glad to see so many familiar faces tonight. And some new ones. The week has been long for some of us, but it's now come to an end, and we have gathered to celebrate its end, another week's beginning, and being together. Now, please open your books to page 47 for the L'cha Dodi."

Steve flips open his book as Anna, the cantor and the same girl who tried to flirt with Eddie, starts playing the guitar next to Rabbi Sara. "Uh, the book is backward," Eddie whispers, leaning close to Steve.

"Hebrew is written right to left," Steve explains, taking Eddie's book and opening it to the right page. "Also, don't worry about singing along. Just try to follow. If you don't know where we are, just nudge me. I'll point you to the right spot."

Eddie nods, looking almost overwhelmed, but Rabbi Sara starts singing before Steve can reassure him verbally. Instead, he just shifts so their shoulders are pressed together, flashing a tiny smile when Eddie looks at him before joining the rest of the congregation in singing.

Steve has to point Eddie at the right line a few times, but he doesn't mind. He's memorized the prayer by now, and the book is really just for show. He pulls Eddie up with the rest of the congregation during the L'cha Dodi, turns him to the sanctuary doors, and places a hand on his back to gently nudge him into a bow. Eddie blinks through it, following along but seeming overwhelmed by the entire process. When the prayer is finished and Rabbi Sara invites them to greet each other, Steve looks at Eddie with a smile (one of the most genuine smiles he's had in weeks), holds out his hand, and says, "Shabbat Shalom, Eddie."

Eddie doesn't hesitate to take his hand, leaning in close and returning the smile. "Shabbat Shalom?" he asks, speaking slowly to test the words and let Steve approve of the pronunciation. When Steve nods, Eddie's smile grows wider, and he whispers, "Shabbat Shalom, sweetheart."

That...that's a new nickname. And Steve doesn't know what to do with it. Maybe Eddie just wanted the pseudo-alliteration, but his smile says otherwise, and Steve feels like he's frozen in place.

And then a few of the kids dash over to him, shouting, "Shabbat Shalom!" at the top of their lungs and practically fighting to shake his hand first. Steve would feel honored if he didn't know they raced to beat each other to every adult.

After greeting, they light the candles. After lighting the candles, Rabbi Sara leads them into the next prayer, the rest of the service flowing smoothly with her as their guide.

The service is (beautifully, wonderfully, incredibly, thankfully) the same as always. Prayers are sung, and Steve can practically feel them in his bones. He's never been particularly religious (his mother would say they're more culturally Jewish than anything else), but he can't deny that the sound of over 50 people, young and old and in-between, singing together is an otherworldly experience.

They are singing a language that only a few of them actually know how to speak. Steve is reading a language that he wouldn't recognize outside of the prayer book. It's disconcerting as always, but also special, because he shares in the ignorance and devotion wrapped into singing words he wouldn't understand without the book's translation on the opposite page.

The Mi Shebeirach and the Mourner's Kiddish are Steve's sign that service is almost over. And for the first time in forever, Steve doesn't speak any names when Rabbi Sara calls for them. He sinks back into his seat, an unfamiliar relief easing tension he didn't even know he had anymore. But it's true. Everyone is fine, and they've all healed, and Steve no longer has to say Max's name or Will's or Hopper's or Eddie's. He no longer has to dodge questions or call up the Rabbi and ask her to include an extra name in the service.

And this realization, the sheer relief he feels at the simple act of staying quiet when Rabbi Sara's gaze sweeps past him, is almost enough to bring him to tears. His throat gets tight, his eyes burn, and his voice almost cracks when he joins the rest of the congregation in singing for those in need of healing and those who have passed.

Eddie nudges him gently, and Steve glances at him and then at their shared armrest. Eddie's hand is lying palm-up, a silent invitation, and Steve doesn't hesitate to accept. He slips his hand into Eddie's, interlocking their fingers, and feels infinitely better when Eddie squeezes his hand gently.

----

"So," Steve says, refraining from getting up as others file out of the sanctuary, practically tripping over kids racing to reach the oneg brownies first, "did you...like it?"

Eddie is silent for a few minutes, staring down at their hands. Steve almost pulls away, an apology ready on his tongue, when Eddie squeezes his hand tighter. "Yeah. It was...different. But good. I...there was more singing than I expected."

Steve grins, glancing up to see the sanctuary has mostly cleared, and stands. He pulls Eddie up with him. "Yeah, we sing most of our prayers. It's nice."

"It is," Eddie agrees, still looking a little lost for words.

Steve doesn't push. Instead, he pulls, leading Eddie out of the sanctuary. He gives their prayer books to Sam, grabs two tiny, sample-sized cups of Manischewitz wine, and gives one to Eddie. "Don't drink it yet," he says, nodding to where Rabbi Sara has her own cup and is waiting for the rest to be passed around.

Once everyone is ready, she blesses the wine, blesses the challah, and invites them all to drink and eat. Steve braces himself before knocking the wine back, the strong, warm grape flavor coating his tongue, vaguely reminiscent of cough medicine. He sees the same grimace on Eddie's face. "This is shit wine," Eddie whispers, his nose still scrunched as he tosses the cup into the trashcan like he can't get rid of it fast enough.

"Yeah. It's specifically for services," Steve says, "it's not supposed to be good."

"Right," Eddie mumbles, glancing at the oneg table, his eyes lingering on the desserts laid out. "Do you wanna stick around? You know, talk to people?"

Usually, Steve would. He likes catching up with the kids and teens, likes ganging up on them when their parents come around and playfully scold them, and he likes hearing the most recent temple gossip. But as he looks at Eddie, feels their hands still tightly holding onto each other, Steve finds he doesn't mind leaving early.

So, he leans in closer to Eddie and grins at him. "Or," he whispers, "we could steal an extra pack of brownies from the kitchen, sneak out the back, and eat them on the drive home."

Eddie returns the grin, amusement and eagerness practically dancing in his eyes, and says, "You read my mind, sweetheart."

Later, when Eddie pulls into Steve's driveway after an hour-long ride spent eating brownies, explaining different prayers, and telling him about old temple gossip, a different kind of tension will start to fester between them. Steve will delay getting out of the car, Eddie won't comment on it, and they'll slowly gravitate toward each other.

And they'll kiss. It will be awkward and taste like chocolate and end far too quickly, but it will be perfect.

Steve will pull away, a faint blush rising and his heart racing faster than it ever did with Nancy, and shyly offer to let Eddie spend the night. And Eddie will accept and spend the night and ask to attend Shabbat with Steve again and...

And so much more.

But for now, while he has no clue of the future that's about to start after an hour's drive, Steve glances around the crowded hall and pulls Eddie toward the kitchen.

After all, they've got brownies to steal.

[echo-bleu]

Disability pride request? Two characters of your choice hanging out, maybe one using two forearm crutches and one using two canes. They can be friends or partners - I just generally love seeing disabled characters interactng with one another!

How about three disabled characters?

Once upon a time @camille-lachenille sent me a prompt about Míriel having Ehler-Danlos Syndrome. I had already sketched a disabled Celegorm with EDS in mind and, thinking about how it's genetic, had an epiphany about Celebrimbor (and the meaning of his name) and I drew him as well. So I wrote a fic about all three of them dealing with chronic pain, but I still hadn't drawn Míriel. That oversight is now fixed!

They have more in common than just chronic illness xD.

This is still titled "The EDS gang" in my files, I'm going to stick to it. Set sometime in Fourth Age Valinor, when most things are good again...

Disabled Tolkien characters series

(Feel free to send me more disability prompts! I love drawing them.)

More ramblings about disability aids that devolved into bullet-point headcanons under the cut. ID and transcription at the end, but they're also in alt text.

[CW: this is all fairly light but discussion of death and trauma and you know, everything that comes with these three.]

I do not know how to make comics. I'm sure that's very obvious but, you know, learning new things and all that. One thing I learned was that my usual style of rendering does not work with it as well so I rendered them entirely twice.

It was meant to be day 21 and 22 of my October challenge, because surely I can draw and colour a full page in a day (spoilers: no). In the end it was a combined 15 hours of work over 3 and a half days because I made it as complicated as I possibly could 😭 Still, I had fun and learned a lot.

Note: Ehlers-Danlos syndrome is a connective tissue disorder, affecting basically how your cells are glued together. There are a lot of different symptoms (and different types of EDS) but a frequent one is joint pain and hypermobility, and it's at least partly inherited.

Míriel:

Red was Míriel's colour first. She's not into gaudy things and rarely wears vivid colours, but almost always something red. She barely wears any jewellery since reembodiment, mostly for sensory reason (She is very autistic. That's something she gave Fëanor, Curufin, Caranthir, Ambarussa and Celebrimbor, at least.)

She died of post-partum (and general) depression and energy depletion from childbirth or something, but the chronic illness that was taking all of her energy and keeping her from her craft certainly didn't help.

Also pregnancy was horribly rough on her, partly because EDS can be affected by hormonal changes.

She's actually been better since reembodiment, because she has better accommodations (Finwë did his best but he was very lost) and also a Vala on hand who makes her very good painkilling tea.

She wears knitted compression gloves that she designed to help with hand pains.

Her wheelchair is of Noldor make, but I'm sure Celebrimbor will have suggestions for improving it.

The tapestry that she is weaving is actually this painting of Finrod that I did a while ago. I figure that she's representing calmer, nicer things now that she doesn't have to weave her grandchildren's downfall and deaths.

Celegorm:

He was in a relationship with Oromë before the Exile. After his reembodiment, it took them a while by they talked it out and forgave each other. Oromë doesn't quite get elves, but he's really supportive.

He has a pair of wolf-head canes carved by Nerdanel. He alternatively uses both, just one and sometimes none depending on activity/pain level.

He wears bandages as compression garments because this is a world without elastane. His leggings have reinforced knees for support.

He's always heard about Míriel having the same thing as he does from Finwë, and he knew that when he started showing symptoms, Fëanor was terrified that he'd fade too. So for a long time, Míriel's story was kind of hanging above his head.

That's why it takes him a while to go seek her out after he's reembodied. Celebrimbor understands why it's important to him and he pushed him to it a little bit, so Celegorm dragged him along.

They're going to get along great. Míriel is both the quintessential grandmother and also she has a twisted sense of humour that Celegorm will just love.

Celebrimbor:

Celegorm was always his favourite uncle, and they became very close when Celebrimbor started having symptoms in the early years in Exile, and Celegorm stayed with Curufin in Himlad for him.

It took Celebrimbor a while to forgive him after Returning (not as long as Curufin but still) but they've gone back to being really close.

He was really unlucky with reembodiment: while he wasn't reborn with the physical aspect of his torture, the memory of pain and the trauma made his chronic pain a lot worse than it was before, and he can no longer walk unaided.

He designed the silver ring and wrist splints back in Eregion with Narvi's help, and ended up literally living up to his name (which means "silver fist/grasping hand").

Paradoxically these were a great motivation for him to work through his trauma and go back to the forge, because he couldn't find a silversmith in Valinor who could make good enough ones for him, even with all of his sketches and specifications.

A lot of his work since reembodiment has been designing and making disability aids for people.

He uses platform crutches to spare his hands as much as possible. He invented and designed them, of course, as well as the KAFO brace that he wears here. He's also a part-time wheelchair user.

He is still wearing dwarven beads in his hair. He obviously didn't bring anything back from Middle-Earth but he asked Gimli to make them for him in remembrance of Narvi. His tunic is also dwarven-inspired.

He is pretty chill about Sauron here. I don't know if there was a redemption (I have feelings about @chthonion's The Harrowing and @mynameisjessejk's Otter Mayhem) or if he's just been through enough elf-therapy to be able to joke about it. Celegorm's sense of humour is just Like That.

Celegorm and Celebrimbor are about to try Vairë's special painkilling tea for the first time 👀

Between all of them they should really open a disability aids shop or something. They just might! Míriel doesn't really ever leave Vairë's house but I think Celegorm and Celebrimbor will keep visiting her a lot, and eventually all of the grandkids will as well.

Image description and transcriptions:

Two digital comic book pages.

Image 1: The first case takes the whole width, showing two pairs of feet with each two canes/crutches on a tiled floor, with a speech bubble saying "Do you think she'll want to see us?"

The second line has two cases in 2/3 and 1/3 format. The first shows two hands in red fingerless gloves working on a tapestry on a loom. The second shows part of a light-skinned face in profile, with curly white hair. Three speech bubbles say "My love?" "Um?" "There are people here asking for you."

The bottom part has one case off-center showing the same hand undoing the brake of a wheelchair, with a speech bubble saying "Your grandson and your great-grandson." above and one saying "I'll be right here." below. Then a full-length off-case portrait of Miríel, a light-skinned elf with shoulder-length curly white sitting in a wheelchair and pushing herself. She's wearing a pale pink embroidered dress with red accents, red fingerless gloves and elbow pad and brown boots and smiling.

Image 2: A single large case shows two elves standing in a room with a tiled floor, with a large door and two tables behind them. There are thread spools on one table and a tea set on the other. One elf, Celebrimbor, is brown-skinned and slightly chubby, with long black hair in a braided bun, wearing a red tunic and dark green pants. He is leaning on two decorated platform combo crutches made of wood and metal, with a KAFO brace on his leg. He wears finger and hand silver splints. The other elf, Celegorm, is pale and has long white hair in a high ponytail with small braids, he has tattoos on his neck and arms and he wears bandages on his shoulders, elbows and wrist. He wears a green tunic, leggings and wrap-around gaiters. He is leaning on a cane and holding up another cane, pointing at the first elf. Both canes have handles carved in the shape of wolf heads.

The speech bubbles are arranged around and below them, giving this dialogue, with the speakers distinguished by the shape of the bubble (the parts in parentheses are smaller text in the bubbles):

Celegorm: "My lady, my name is Tyelkormo, and this is my nephew Tyelpë." Miríel: "I know who you are, my wonderful children. Come sit." Celebrimbor: "That would be nice, thank you." Miríel: "Vairë, my love, would you make us some tea?" Celebrimbor: "My lady!" Celegorm: "A Vala who can make tea! (I could never get Oromë to do it.)" Miríel: "It was a long domestication process." Vairë (off screen): "Hey!" Celebrimbor: "Instant hot water! That’s nice. (I wonder if I could replicate that.)" Miríel: "She makes wonderful hot water bottles." Celegorm: "Oromë just uses his hands as hot pads." Celebrimbor: "Ew, I didn’t need to know that." Celegorm: "What? Just because your Maia burns everything he touches–" Celebrimbor: "Shut up." Miríel: "You must both tell me everything about yourself. And your partners!"

[sevensoulmates]

7x05 Buddie Meta YDKM Part 3 (of 4)

Part 1. Part 2. Part 4.

Eddie. I cannot stress this enough. If this was a partner that you actually had a good relationship with, you could go home and talk to them, tell them your feelings. Hell, you should feel safe enough just to say, "hey, I don't feel like having sex right now" and your partner should be able to accept it.

Why does the idea of saying no to sex terrify Eddie? There is a stigma that men are always supposed to want sex, and when they don't, that automatically means something's wrong, either with the man or with their partner. A lot of women might think they're the problem. One could argue maybe he doesn't want Marisol to feel bad, but if that was the case, then he would be doing his damndest to reassure her that he just needs a minute with the nun thing and not to take it personally. Instead, he avoids her, doesn't respond to her messages, and now--looks very panicked at the idea of her possibly trying to initiate sex with him. Which is kind of hilarious because what makes you think she even wants to have sex with you right now after you've been avoiding her all day?

This is another interesting line because it suggests that Eddie finds sex to be a chore. An obligation. Something he must provide his partner in order to keep them satisfied, and something that he's always done just to please his partner. I'm not saying he gets no pleasure from sex with women, but it doesn't feel to me like sex is really something Eddie really likes all that much just for himself if it's something "he'll get through somehow." I understand that this is a joke on Buck's end, but it's still written into the show on purpose, and sometimes jokes are just ways to cover up speaking the truth.

I want to talk some more now about Perception, specifically how both Buck and Eddie felt perceived this episode in ways that made them uncomfortable. For Buck, he was experiencing for the first time what it feels like for the world at large to perceive him as a queer man. Seeing eyes everywhere when no one was really watching. And for Eddie, it's the same, except instead of society perceiving him it's God. Both society and "God" are both entities that are known to be judgemental overall. But my question is, why does Eddie feel judged for sleeping with a woman who never even made the final steps to become a nun?

Buck is right, if God is an omniscient presence he would've always been watching, so why now does the idea of an All Powerful Being perceiving Eddie having relations with a woman terrify him so much? Is he afraid of "someone" knowing what actually runs through his head when he's being intimate with a woman? Is he ashamed that he's not actually as into it as he appears to be? Maybe now that the catholic guilt has been brought back up in Eddie consciousness, the thoughts are spilling through, and he's not able to stop them this time, and he's scared that someone, God, or society, or whoever, will see that he's not actually as into women as he wants people to believe. All of this is something I don't think he's realized. It's just as much unconscious to him as Buck's bisexuality was to him last episode. But something is bound to happen that finally clarifies it for Eddie.

He comes to the conclusion that he has to break up with her. But when confronted, he says he doesn't actually want to break up with her. Why? Because she just moved in. Not because he "really likes her" or because "he wants to build a life with her" or because "he wants her there" or because "he wants a relationship with her", it's because it's inconvenient because she just moved in and it makes him look bad (honey, far too late). He doesn't actually want to be with Marisol, he just likes the idea of cohabitating because it gives the illusion of a family without actually having to put any effort into building and strengthening it. This is exactly like how in the scene previous, he admits to Bobby that he liked being married, not necessarily that he loved Shannon. He just loved being married to her. This is the exact same thing.

This showcases Eddie's fundamental misunderstanding of both Tommy AND Buck. He has his blinders on the entire episode, and he walks a fine line between just misunderstanding or being willfully ignorant. The same way he doesn't see Buck and Tommy's queerness is in my opinion, the same way he doesn't see his own queerness.

Eddie's facial expressions here--Gosh, hats OFF to Ryan!! He really looked like he was shaken to the core. Especially his face in the last still. You can tell he did not see it coming at all. Because for "manly men" like Eddie, Buck, and Tommy, he's probably never even thought of it being a possibility for people like them.

This is especially evident when his first thought is not of Buck being queer, but of Tommy. And I don't think this is because he's surprised more about Tommy, or is not putting enough emphasis on Buck. I think it's more so that Eddie is aware that Tommy and he have A LOT in common, so much so that Eddie probably heavily identified with Tommy, and to have this part of Tommy be something so "different" from what Eddie expected is more shocking to him in the moment. Because if a man like Tommy (Eddie's narrative mirror) is queer, then what does that say about Eddie? I think that's why his first thought is about Tommy.

It might also be because it's easier for Eddie to process Tommy's queerness in the moment than it is for him to process Buck's queerness. In the same way that Buck was so unsure of why he was so hesitant to tell Eddie, Eddie might be struggling to comprehend Buck's queerness and what that means for them and their relationship without appearing to be unsupportive.

Additionally, it's interesting that Tommy's queerness never came up in conversation since it seemed like Tommy and Eddie got pretty close and "clicked" in a very short period of time. Is it possible Tommy is supposed to contrast Buck here? Buck says "Tommy just doesn't offer that information up". Maybe Tommy is also aware of how supposed "straight" men react when they learn that someone like him is into men. It provides an interesting contrast to Buck, who was so anxious about telling Eddie because he worried about how it would affect their relationship in particular, whereas Tommy just opted not to tell him at all just because he doesn't tell people unless they ask.

Buck asks if this is weird for Eddie, but Buck is aware that Eddie is not a homophobic person, and therefore wouldn't need to be worried (like Tommy could've been since he's only just met them both three weeks ago). Buck's known Eddie for six years, he knows Eddie knows plenty of queer people and has never had an adverse reaction to them. But this is personal because Buck knows that he's one of, if not the closest adult in Eddie's life. If Eddie is uncomfortable with Buck, it ruins their entire...everything. This says to me that Buck knew that by telling Eddie about this something would change, but he just doesn't know what.

I told myself if Eddie said any statements in this episode along this line, anything that felt like it was in the same vein as "no homo" that it would signal to me immediately that they were going to go there with Eddie's sexuality storyline, and this counts for me.

Eddie, it should be a given that you don't like Tommy in the same Buck does. No one in the room is accusing Eddie of being queer, and yet he says this all on his own for no reason other than to purposefully distance himself from queerness. All of which point to internalized homophobia. A person who was secure in their straight sexuality would not feel the need to clarify that they are straight (making it a bit about yourself there, huh, Eddie?) immediately after a close loved one just came out to you.

This is not a scenario where someone's coming on to Eddie and he has to say "no, sorry I'm not into men." This isn't someone asking him point blank, "are you gay?" and he says no. Nowhere in this conversation was there anything that Buck said that could've made Eddie feel like he was also being accused of queerness and yet Eddie feels the need to make it known that is in fact, not gay.

Eddie, a confident straight man, should understand that this convo is about Buck's queerness, not whether or not Eddie is being perceived as queer. This coming right after he looked so shocked about Tommy, when the last two episodes spent a lot of time painstakingly telling us that HEY! HEY! EDDIE AND TOMMY ARE SUPER ALIKE!

Eddie. My guy. Your queer realization arc is coming and of that I am certain.

This line read to me in the same way as the line in 7x01: "but with only one [gender] is there underlying sexual tension". This line, spoken by Buck, was disproven in episode 4. This line here from Eddie is put there to eventually be challenged. This line has two meanings, which is that of course the foundation of their friendship will not change because of Buck's queerness, but it does signal to the audience that some part of their relationship will change. What could that be? The only thing that makes sense at this point in the story is for the romantic aspect of their storyline to finally be explored. I think this is foreshadowing that story that's likely going to come at some point down the line. I don't know if it'll be this season, but it's going to come, of that I'm sure now.

Bucktommy as a direct parallel to Eddiemarisol is so interesting because whereas with Buck you can tell that he genuinely has interest in Tommy, it's heavily juxtaposed by how uninterested in Marisol Eddie has acted pretty much since the second they got together in season 6. Even Eddie's face here looks like he's thinking "wish I knew what that felt like". Don't get me wrong, I do think that Eddie wants a real connection, but I think he thinks that if he just stays with a woman for long enough one will just develop through proximity alone. But that's not how relationships work. It didn't work with Shannon and their relationship continued to be dysfunctional until the day she died. It didn't work with Ana, but that time, his physical reactions were enough to get him to break up with her. With Marisol, I think Eddie's at his patience end. He doesn't want to give up and be alone again. Or worse, have to start trying all over again. He doesn't want to fail again, because failing this time not only means failing himself but failing Christopher as well.

We just saw in 7x01 that Christopher believed that it wouldn't matter what he did, people (girlfriends in this case) would always leave. Christopher learned this from Eddie. Eddie deciding to stick it out with Marisol is both him desperately trying to grasp onto the possibility of a connection, but also a way to prove to himself and to Christopher that not all relationships have to end.

But in this case, Eddie's advice makes sense for Buck, because he's literally in the early stages of this relationship with Tommy, he's still trying to get to know Tommy, and he's trying to adjust to queerness for the first time in his life. For Eddie, this is at minimum a 4-6 month old relationship, one that he's just randomly decided to take "to the next level" and he did all of this without bothering to get to know Marisol AT ALL. That ENTIRE time. While it's true that Buck hasn't yet had a chance to figure it out what it is with Tommy, Eddie has had many chances before but has chosen not to take them. And I think when faced with the reality that he would giving up on yet another relationship, the prospect of failing yet again, he decides to go against what his gut is telling him and stays with Marisol.

I love that Eddie realized before he left that Buck needed physical assurance and gave it to him. This is their first hug in many seasons and it's a beautiful one. Eddie puts his thumb on Buck's pulse yet again, and I'm sure that was a very reassuring thing to feel, to know that Eddie still cares that deeply for him. He even puts his finger up and tells Buck to call Tommy, showing his support for Buck's relationship with Tommy, which was never a question that he would do. Because it's no question that Eddie loves Buck to the core, and he will always want Buck to be happy. He just hasn't figured out that his own happiness is possible specifically with Buck.

This entire scene also was physically blocked very similar to the scene in the episode right before, the scene that ended with Tommy kissing Buck. The only difference here was the topic of conversation and the fact that it ended in a hug and not a kiss. Buck lets out a sigh of relief as Eddie leaves, exactly the same way he let out a sign of relief after realizing his attraction to men.

Marisol's possessions in this episode have been a metaphor for who she is. Eddie's choice to look in the boxes at the beginning of the episode was him finally dipping his toe into learning who she is and he was uncomfortable with what he saw there, not because of Marisol, but because it reminded him that he's not being true to himself in this relationship. And now, he's given another chance here at the end. Marisol's metaphorical box is open, and an invitation for Eddie to take to get to know her more, and instead of wanting to get to know her, he says he "doesn't want to know what's in there". He admits that not only does he not know Marisol, but he doesn't WANT to get to know her.

In the same way, Eddie doesn't know the truth of who he is, he doesn't want to find out the truth. He doesn't want to open the pandora's box inside him and wade through the shit until he finds the tiny little bit of hope. Eddie would rather close the box and leave it closed and keep this relationship with Marisol going rather than try to dig deeper to figure out the real reason why this whole issue happened.

Marisol's reasons for not telling Eddie about the nun thing herself are understandable. She was worried about judgment, rejection, or possible fetishization. It makes sense to me why Eddie, in the end, was able to ask for just a minute to digest it. I think he realized that in the end, the nun thing isn't the whole dealbreaker here, it's something else. Something he's not willing to examine at this time. And since he's realized that the problem isn't Marisol, but him, he can move past the weirdness, and accept Marisol.

Because it's not Marisol he's accepting or rejecting, but the promise of a continued relationship in the future.

Marisol offers him a chance to back out, and you can tell that his first instinct (his "gut" reaction) is to take it. And yet....he adds a "yet". He keeps her on the hook, and he ignores the signs his gut is telling him. In an episode written partially by Taylor Wong who laid all the same "the universe is screaming" and "I do not panic" story threads, Eddie is once again ignoring them and going against his gut despite what he says next.

Eddie tells Marisol that he tends to rush his relationships, and this is true. Despite Eddie being so stubborn and hard to get to know most of the time when it comes to his romantic relationships, he over-commits. I've already talked about how he did the same thing with all of his relationships, including Shannon. He over-commits and under-delivers. I'm glad that they're pointing this out textually in canon because it's true and it's a large part of the issue, even though the root of it is not yet being explored.

However, him saying he "goes with his gut" and lets his head catch up later, is both a true and false statement. When it comes to his romantic relationships Eddie purposely ignores his gut, each and every time. When his gut tells him that he shouldn't bring Shannon back into his life, he ignores it (though this situation is a bit more nuanced). When his gut tells him something's wrong with his relationship with Ana, he says he's going to stick it out anyway. When his gut tells him to end things with Marisol, he doubles down.

The true part of this statement is that he lets his head catch up later. But the thing is that when his body tries to show him later on that something is wrong, whether that be through panic attacks or sexual dysfunction, he continues to ignore it or refuses to dig into it deeper. He still hasn't confronted the truth of his unhealthy relationship with Shannon. He didn't examine why his relationship with Ana didn't work, and he's not questioning himself deeply enough to ask why he's so deeply uncomfortable in his relationship with Marisol.

One thing is for sure, Eddie is an unreliable narrator. He has a hard time understanding his feelings let alone communicating them, and therefore whenever he says statements like these, I think it's worth it to always question it. Does it actually feel like he's telling the truth from a place of understanding, or from a place of what he wishes he could feel?

Go to part four (last part).

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4