#before I knew to look for original post to share from source

[illnessfaker]

tw: black+trans death

from the_yvesdropper on instagram:

our beautiful black trans brother, 35 year old Righteous Torrence "Chevy" Hill, was murdered in Atlanta, GA this weekend.

he went by his nickname 'Chevy' he was originally from Macon, GA. he owned Evollusion, which is a black/ queer owned LGBTQ+ salon in Atlanta that provided and dedicated full service to specializing in hair, nails, barbering and makeup. growing up as young black queer boys/kids, the barbershop experience can sometimes be a tricky space to occupy, this was something that Chevy understood and wanted to cultivate a space of safety where you can also get the affirming look and style you want, and he did exactly that.

Chevy was a beloved son, brother, partner, and father.

one of his last posts that had a photo of himself said :

"if you truly know me, you know i am a humble, modest, private man, that i love my community, i have the love of God in me and will give the shirt off my back to any soul in need, also i never post pictures of myself, legaey give myself credit, that stops today, i am my legacy!"

(a close friend of Chevy asked if i could share more then one photo of Chevy, since he never posted photos of himself and in recent years he got the confidence to want to share more photos and now he won't get the chance to)

Chevy, hey king, hey brother, hey angel, thank you for everything, i lové you, we lové you, i'm so sorry. there are a lot of photographers in heaven who will be able to photograph you as the glorious black trans angel that you are.

there will be a homegoing service/memorial for our brother

there aren't many details about what happened but apparently he was shot by a family member last wednesday, the 28th (at least this article was the one linked in relation to his murder.)

judging by both the IG post and the comments section he was well-loved by many people and those people have many good memories with him and nothing but good things to say. this is a comment that was left by tirajmeansgolden which was hidden by IG for some reason:

I started testosterone in February 2020. I hit this man up at the end of 2019 after numerous Google searches for an LGBT-friendly barber near me (and by near me... he was a good 35-40 minutes from the rural area I was in outside of Atlanta: but when I found out he was a trans man and that his business was the first and only LGBT hair bar, I knew it would be worth the trip). I was a dysphoric mess in his DMs one Sunday. I hated how my hair was growing out. I never had a "masculine" hairstyle before but decided one day I would buzz it all off myself, then allowed it to grow out a bit... I sent him a video and despite him being closed on Sunday, he told me to come through. I got my hair braided and he gave me my first really masculine fade. Explained the different terms. Lined me up. Was asking me about my decision to transition and provided some helpful advice + guidance. I told him how I was a therapist and he was hype and said he talked with a group of trans men and he would love for me to stop by and also give some mental health tips. So whoever said he was humble - wow, what an understatement. Such a community man! Made me feel SO comfortable because barbershops were a source of major trauma and triggers for me. They were such an integral part of my early transition (I just celebrated 4 years later week). And he was such an integral part of the Atlanta Queer community with hosting events like Queer Con. How I found so many other great resources + queer businesses/artists. May you rest in peace, Chevy. You'll be missed. You've made such a different in the lives of countless people. You definitely were living your Purpose + left a legacy behind ...

[just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms]

Title: Unexpected View

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word count: 5,900 (genuinely not sure how that happened)

Warnings: none!

A/N: Inspired by a post on @hotchnerssmile blog, originally from @greg-montgomery As always, enjoy!

—-

“You’re staring again,” Emily whispered and nudged you.”

“What? Huh?” You cleared your throat and shifted in your seat on the plane. “Oh..come on..stop.” Emily had been picking on you for weeks about your crush on Hotch. You’d let it slip during a girls night and they wouldn’t let it go.

“Careful,” she teased. “Eventually he’s going to know. He can spot an unsub a mile away, but a woman getting lost in her thoughts staring at him? You’d need to straddle him to make him notice.”

You looked over to him, suddenly the idea of crossing the plane, pushing his papers away, and lowering yourself into his lap was the only thing you could think of.

“Oh I know that look,” JJ said as she walked to the table. “What’s the fantasy this time?”

“Straddling.” Emily laughed and looked down at her files. JJ joined the laughter and caught Reid’s attention.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” the three of you said in unison.

Emily was right, Hotch was pretty oblivious to women hitting on him. You’d seen it happen on cases a time or two. But in your case, you were grateful he never noticed.

On the flight home you sat alone on the couch, curled up under a blanket.

“Something on your mind?”

You jumped slightly as Hotch sat next to you, leaning back and letting his legs fall open slightly. It took everything in you to keep your eyes on his face and not wander.

“Um, nothing anymore,” you laughed. “We got our guy and don’t have another case right now. My brain has some room to finally relax. Sort of.”

You adjusted your position so you were sitting upright next to him. Hotch’s eyes studied your face. After a very long moment he seemed to snap out of his thoughts.

“Well,” he rested his hand on your thigh. “Find something to focus on that will hold your attention. Unfocused minds are a dangerous thing.”

Emily called over her shoulder, her chair facing the opposite direction, “she’ll be fine finding something to focus on.”

Hotch has turned his head to listen to her and thankfully missed the mortified look on your face. When he turned back to you, you gave him a weak smile. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

He studied your face again before giving your thigh a slight squeeze before standing up.

About 20 minutes later JJ ended the phone call she was on. “Well, we got another one.”

“You’re joking,” said Morgan.

“Nope. Sorry. I’ll get things together and send it to your tablets.”

While you started to read the information, Hotch turned around, leaning over the side of his seat. “Going to join us, Y/N?”

You walked over, and rested your arm on the headrest of his seat. As you looked down at his lap, your heart started to race.

The thoughts of straddling him came rushing back, and you knew it wasn’t just the gathering of his pants that made it clear he was more than equipped to please a woman.

Garcia’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “Hello my favorite crime fighters, your fabulous source of all knowledge has arrived.”

As Garcia began sharing what she had found, Hotch looked up at you over his shoulder. He took in the sight of you standing over him. Almost looking commanding and like you could make him give up control in a single glance. He adjusted his posture to lean forward slightly and cover his lap with his torso.

Emily and JJ were having a silent conversation with their eyes that screamed, “holy shit he just noticed her!”

Once the case had wrapped up, the team decided to split up and take a few days off. Reid went to Vegas with Rossi so he could see his mom and Rossi could hit the casino. Morgan went to the Bahamas to unwind in the sun. Emily and JJ decided on a girls trip to Hawaii. It was just you and Hotch for the plane ride home.

You chose the couch again so you could lay out. Hotch chose a chair facing you so he could occasionally look up and see you. He watched your face scrunch up as you scrolled through your phone and then quickly turned to raising your hand to your mouth to stifle a laugh.

“What’s got your focus?”

“Group chat with the girls. It’s…chaotic. I think that’s the best word for it.”

Hotch’s phone buzzed and saw a text from JJ. “Have fun focusing on the ride home ;)”

Hotch immediately looked to you to see if you had also received a message. Your face was expressionless so he texted JJ back.

“It’s hard to focus with such a captivating distraction…”

JJ was one of the few he confided in like this. You shifted in your seat as the group chat notifications came through.

Emily said, “girl do it!”

JJ added, “he wants it!”

Garcia was the last to respond, “mile high club honey, mile high club.”

Hotch’s phone went off again and this time you looked up to try and read his face. You could swear he was smiling, but trying to hide it, and he shifted in his seat.

“What’s got your focus?” You teased.

Hotch hesitated. “A new group chat. Something about ‘she wants you to do it.’ ‘She wants it.’ And ‘mile high honey.’ Any ideas on the references?”

Taking a deep breath you pushed your blanket to the side, set your phone down, and stood up, slowly crossing to him.

“From what I understand, by trusted sources,” you laughed. “We both want it. I should do it. And we should join a new club.”

His eyes got lost trailing up and down your body. When you were finally within arms length his eyes were focused on your chest. Using one finger you rested it under his chin, tilting his head up to look up at your face.

“Eyes on me…sir.” You paused and slid your hand to cradle his face. “I do like this angle, looking down at you.”

Without a word Hotch grabbed your hips, guiding you towards him to finally straddle him. As you let him bring you down onto his lap, his grip tightened on your hips and you could feel him between your legs.

“I knew it wasn’t just the fabric gathering.”

“These pants are already getting tight.”

“I should help you with that��plus I’ve always wanted to see what the view looks like with you standing over me.”

“Then drop to your knees.”

[jikooklove9795]

I do believe they’ve been in a long term romantic relationship for a long time. One point that us jikookers tend to avoid (with good reasons, it’s filmed by a saeseng) is the clip of what looks like JK holding a woman seen through a window? What do you think that was about?

Hi arundhati94-blog!

First of all let me make it clear that I'm not going to ignore any of your or others asks regarding Jikook. The only condition to all those sending in the asks is to be polite and respectful towards Jimin, Jungkook or any other members. Otherwise I'm very open to discussions regarding Jikook and will try my best to respond to you guys.

Now let's get into the discussion, shall we? So, do I think that its Jungkook in that video?

NO. I don't.

Why I think its not Jungkook and the video is not of his apartment?

There are many reasons. The first one being the crap quality of the video with the faces of the man and woman in it completely wiped out thus making them unrecognizable. All the phones out there offer a much better quality. So, how come we get a video of this poor quality? How come in other photos which they leaked of him alone in his house the quality is better and the angle is completely different? The second reason is regarding the apartment in the video. The apartment rented by BH is in the ground floor, has a courtyard and is surrounded by a high fence. In the video the wall panel seems to be in different places and the windows are different too. Another difference is the apartment in the video has a vase while Jungkook's apartment has a lamp in that same area but not a vase.

Another thing which is highly suspicious is the timing of the video and the length of it. I have heard the narrative that its a video from Feb 2023 cause the man in the video had bangs and long hair similar to Jungkook during the early months of 2023. So, why keep it in the wraps for almost 7 months if it was originally captured in February? Why not release it straight away? Whatever damage, the people behind this video intended to do to Jungkook will be the same irrespective of the time of its release. Be it in Feb 2023 or before the release of Seven or before 3D or his album. And they only managed to capture a 14s or 15s long video? Where's the before and after clips? Very hard to believe they couldn't capture more.

This video was done intentionally to make the audience believe that it was Jungkook. Hence, the similar but not the exact apartment, the video being so grainy that its impossible to identify the people in it however make it look like the man has a silhouette similar to Jungkook, a doberman. The open curtains get me every time. Cause this was around the time Jungkook complained about being stalked, had a video of him taken at the gym. So, they want us to believe that Jungkook would have his curtains open if there was a "supposed gf" at his apartment??!!

So, that video is either of another couple or intentionally set up by other people to sabotage him. I'm leaning more into the latter option.

I highly doubt its a sasaeng video cause of why they didnt release it immediately after it was captured in Feb 2023 (since they claim its a video from Feb) and cause of how they posted this video and then vanished. There was a tweet on X a few days before the weibo video was released warning the fans about a fake video to sabotage Jungkook and not to believe in it.

We need to remember that they work in an industry which has a dark side ruled by people who are capable of such deeds. I don't wanna share much about this but its not impossible. So, always trust the artist you stan rather than questionable sources.

Now let's talk about Jungkook denying the gf rumors.

He was on Station head when he was getting repetitive messages asking him if he has a gf and this was how he answered them:

Now to those that'll say "but he didnt deny the video, would've been a fling, would've broken up". He already knew what storm was going on and chose to address it. He could have chosen not to. And the Jungkook I have seen so far would have clearly admitted if he had a gf. Cause don't you remember the AHL Jungkook guys??!! He was just starting his career at that time. But he didnt hide that he had a gf before. I still remember that conversation cause of the words he used.

Do you think this Jungkook who was just starting his career who openly talked about his dating experience and how he wanted to get tattoos even though Yoongi asked him not to cause it'll be frowned upon by the fans, will be afraid of admitting he had a gf? I don't think so.

But the crowd was quick to spin more narratives when he denied having a gf. They accused him of being a f**kboy going around sleeping with women. He saw all this and decided to show up a few hours later after denying of having a gf. This time he went head on denying the allegations and even exposing himself to an extent (I was shocked) by posting this TikTok trend:

He captioned it:

So, he chose to do a Tiktok trend which was pretty old by that time and captioned it as "I go the other way".

Those who are gonna say "He just did the trend in the opposite way hence the caption". STOP. Cause we all know its obvious what he meant when he captioned it like that when the singer was mentioning names of girls. He could have done it the opposite way without the caption. And he deleted it after a few minutes after he was sure that those that cared about him got the meaning behind it.

Now he has done something similar like this in 2019 when he was wrongly accused of dating Mijoo.

This was the first time he appeared on a live after the whole circus. It looked like he came there to make that exact statement. It was out of the blue. And the choice of his words were more specific to be exact. Even Hoseok was confused. You can take it however way you want. Either simply like Jungkook complimenting Hoseok or just try to connect the time he opted to say it. A time when he was rumored to be dating a girl. After Jungkook has shown us all where his interest lies in, which is obviously not with a girl but with a boy for whom he wears his heart on his sleeve. I choose to believe the latter option.

You can watch the live here. Jungkook appears at the 24 min mark. Just notice his face and expression when he says "I never thought I would fall for a man". He's letting us know through these small moments. Just read it with the bigger picture taking timing into the context.

Also, let's not forget how he answered this question:

Q: How would you describe yourself in five words?

🐰: I'm still me

This was in Festa 2019. "I'm still me" is a famous line from the gay movie Love, Simon released in 2018. He posted the "I'm still me" artwork too. And the name of his documentary:

Read it along with how he has used songs in his GCFs which are all either gender neutral or with the "he" pronoun.

Named his flower bouquet "Various Loves"

He chose to work with CK. Apart from being a fan of the brand the partnership is special to him cause CK's values resonates with him.

And CK is very LGBTQ+ friendly using LGBTQ+ models. They have partnered with various NGOs in support of LGBTQ+ advocacy, equality and safety.

And the day Jungkook broke the Internet with this:

So, let's listen to what Jungkook says and trust him instead of a blurry video. Cause he has been honest and transparent with us as much as possible. Let's give so much love and support to this boy

Have a nice day arundhati94-blog!

Credits to the owner of the video

[nausicaaandhermouth]

The Healer

masterlist

viktor x anhedonic!reader [1.4k][AO3]

cw: implied/referenced depression, suicide, suicidal ideation, self harm

summary: Anhedonia set in and the idea of exiting life's stage became all the more appealing. But you've heard about The Healer and perhaps he can save you.

tags: gn reader, S2 Viktor, post-Act 1, anhedonia, angst, depression, suicide, SI, SH, viktor gardening?, reader's just admiring him atp, not betad, not encouraging anybody to join any cult

a/n: idk if vik's abilities extends to making plants appear but for this pretend it does

if you're unfamiliar with what anhedonia is, it's a symptom of a larger condition (can be depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, more), characterised by the inability to experience physical and/or social pleasure. makes existing difficult, like you're dragging so much pointless weight and everything feels high effort, so what's the point.

just a brief description (based on what i've learnt from it in research and experience), so i encourage learning more to get it more in depth if it interests you or sounds too familiar.

You prayed for an easy coax out of the darkness.

The little home of scrap fabric and heartbroken brick you built throughout the years was becoming more and more dilapidated, though its original state had never been of full health to begin with. And like it, your body’s ridges became prominent, visited by unexplained bruises, warmed by the thickened hair on your skin, and yet living on had always been the only option you saw—no, the only option you allowed.

You’d breathed long enough to outlive many of those around you. Whether it was becoming grey-lunged corpses, enforcer punching bags, or a Promenade diver, everybody knew somebody who, sooner rather than later, knelt to kiss Death’s feet. Surrendered. Be it by their own or another’s will.

Then it fell upon you: the swole blanket of indifference, of apathy. It cloaked your mind, buried your defences that was defiance, which had been the only source of survival you’d had left. But snuffed out now.

And how easy it is to think of self-inflicted inexistence when it seems nothing else matters.

Oblivion would whisper in the corner, a demented, deformed dog snarling yet begging your hand’s comfort. Come to me. And you can’t find good reason as to why you shouldn’t.

This… healer—a man whose touch could gild any man’s sick and bestow him a new life, a new body, a new mind—you’re not sure when he arrived. But the whispers morphed to murmurs which morphed to rumours and unfolded itself into your side of the city’s underbelly.

Was he the answer to your prayer?

You made journey to the place you’d heard he’d made camp, and it unfurled before you and stole all expectation and put them to rest. Because for once, the Sumps had colour, had life.

At the centre stood a strange, globular… building? Just like stained glass, its surface was of mute Spring colours, translucent, swirling lattice-work reminiscent of butterfly wing patterns.

He’s a tall thing. A beautiful thing. His metal body cloaked, careful, and coded with grace. Each movement was deliberate, no gaze shared unintentional. How had he come to exist? How had this world birthed your people’s suffering but, as well, him?

You want to laugh at the sick irony. Whoever’s dealing the cards need their hands cut off.

“What ails you?” he asks, giving you such soft regarding you can’t help but be rendered speechless.

In truth, you’re not sure. Physically, you know you’re lacking, but so was everyone so why are you different? In your head there sits a temptress, attempting to lure you to the edge of buildings or blades, but she had no name. No one speaks of her.

The healer tilts his head, seeming to take a better look at you. He looks so kind. Such eyes, opalescent, have seen suffering, and you know it.

“Life,” you give a one-shouldered shrug, smiling. “I… I’m not actually��� uh, I don’t know what I’m doing here,” you take a step back.

What had been the point of this? Attempt what? Healing? What’s this man to do?

“No,” he steps closer, his voice swathed in a strange mechanical whir. “Stay,”

You’re sure that by the furrowed desperation on you, it convinces something inside him, as he turns and beckons you with a nudge of his head. So you follow.

Each step he makes creates a heavy thunk beneath him, and though you don’t feel its impact, merely by sound you feel the weight of him. How had he acquired such a body? Modded fingers, let alone limbs, cost years of your wages—you can’t imagine how much his entire body might have cost.

“I can feel something plaguing you,” he begins, shifting slightly to catch a look of you.

You scoff but it doesn’t quite match your face.

“Then what brought you to me?” he shrugs and looks away, leading you to the side of the Sumps where a clear plain rolled out.

You watch as he kneels and reaches for the soil, taking it between metal fingers.

“I’m not sure,” you kneel beside him, shoulders bunching up. “What are you doing?”

He hums, smoothing the ground and creating indents, “I’m assessing,”

You lean forward, folding your arms and hanging your head to look at him.

The metal frames his face, just barely hidden by chestnut waves, curling beneath the jaw and around the ear.

He’s got a rather angular beauty to him, something belonging to scrutiny and studiosity. Even his strong brows follow theme, arched forward in a focused furrow, over narrowed eyes homing iridescent irises. You’re not sure if he’s from this world. Or if the world was gifted him.

Your attention trails back to his hand, and he digs his fingers beneath the soil. Then, hand glowing beneath the metallic muscles, the ground is imbued with a light, where then verdant stems spring alive.

You choke back a gasp, glancing about as the spindly bodies uncurl and reveal yellow petals. Roses?

Whipping back to him, you take note of the glow leaving his eyes, shock threading through your system.

When you glance back at the flowers, now surrounding the both of you, you can’t help but think: logically, how you might have reacted would be with pleasant surprise, glee, even.

Such occurrences, the arcane or a mere flower field, was a coveted sight, and without a doubt you would have felt the surge of optimism. But instead nothing happens. Instead it’s unmet anticipation and expectation sitting at your belly, pooling into grey disappointment.

It’s when you look back to the healer that you realise this disappointment must have shown on your face. He inclines his head so slightly, blinks, as if saying I understand. And he smiles. He smiles and it’s the gentlest thing ever given to you to hold and witness.

You want to crumple, to lay graves for your limbs and disassemble each part that ever dared to exist only to suffer. There used to be anger, and at the very least there was indignation. At topside for their neglect, your parents or finding each other, for finding something beyond the misery and creating you. Where had all such righteous resentment gone?

“Viktor,”

You look up to see the healer’s hand stretched out, asking for yours in return. And you oblige, shaking it gently, before pulling away only to be held with soft restraint.

“You are welcome to stay,” his voice becomes tender, becomes more human almost, aimed purely for your audience. “Even if what torments is not outright seen. I welcome all,”

Your breath comes out long, carrying with it the tired days in the dark. The healer… Viktor makes no acknowledgement of this but just another observant blink, the corners of his mouth slightly tightening.

“Wasn’t gonna die or anything,” you joke, flattening your lips and hoping it registers as a smile, however trying it may appear.

“Eh,” Viktor shrugs, turning his attention to your hand and turning it about as if trying to see new angles. “A slow death is still a death,”

This makes you frown. Why has he assumed? But why is he right?

“The slower it is, the more painful, I think,” he remarks, but he seems almost far away. “As you watch what is left of you wither, and all you can do is… hm, watch,”

Then you understand. Something in your chest tightens as you take in once again all this stranger is. “You’re well-acquainted,” you note, coming out barely as breath and observation, spoken clearer by the narrowing of your eyes than your own voice.

He looks at you again, and something’s changed. His eyes? It seems. There’s something more amber about them, more grounded in this singular hue. “My longest companion,”

You hum, nodding.

There’s a safety in knowing you’re understood, even if they’re not able to fix you. It cloaks you warmer than summer, than any consolation offered in pity—he understands. And perhaps not the very same that brandishes you, but in some aspect he knows.

Which is what makes you ask, “Can you fix me?”

His eyes resume that pearl sheen once again and you’re mesmerised, gaze flitting between each eye in deep investigation—tell me who you are, how you are; tell me how you’ll fix me. Like the field around, the sweet sunshine hues of the roses, to make your land more than just barren.

And he does. He raises his other hand, uncurling, coming to hover by your face. “May I?”

You breath sweeps back in and you nod, leaning forward and connecting his cold fingers to your cheek.

He notes you for a moment, saying nothing, doing nothing. It’s his gaze that makes you feel naked, removed of any pretence crafted carefully. But he shifts his attention and his fingers connected with your forehead, eyes overtaken by a white glow.

Your vision drowns in the white.

a/n anhedonia's been hitting me and this is the only thing i could muster to make so here we gooo. not my favourite, feel like i could've done it better but oh well, least i made something wahooyaaa writing is coping after all 🫵🏼😃🗣️

requests + taglist open!

[this is a reupload, i have no idea why the original post disappeared :''')]

[beelanddiavolosimp-blog]

So, I asked before, and never got a reply.

I guess Maybe you're not okay with doing this? Either that or it didn't go through. In case it was the second option:

How the obey me! Characters would react to an MC who self harms. (not just the brothers, please)

I am back! Probably not a good post to start off with but I am going through my asks one by one and will hopefully get through them all!

*trigger warning self harm & self harm scars*

Reactions to an MC with s*lf h*rm issues

Lucifer

He of course noticed immediately nothing gets past his sharp eyes. He didn't know exactly how to go about asking about such a thing all he knew was he wanted to help put a stop to it. He eventually broke the ice and asked in a deep heartfelt manner. He eventually did such things as putting up any sharp objects and having a watch on you for a long time. He didn't see it as excessive and neither did his brothers. He eventually with through love and care got you to stop. He often times runs his fingers over the scars and tells you that you're still beautiful to him scars or none at all.

Mammon

He didn't notice at first meet due to the baggy clothes you had worn damn near all the time. He saw them at dinner and actually refrained himself from shouting at you and making a huge scene. He eventually cornered you and asked as calm as he could. He definitely kept a way closer eye than he had originally. He always somehow caught you before you attempted and held you with his own tears falling as well begging you to stop so he doesn't see his precious treasure in pain. It eventually became second nature even after you stopped he still was as watchful as Lucifer.

Levi

He tended to keep his distance so he had no idea until he came into your room at a really bad time. He immediately burst into tears and panicked he did know to take the sharp object away and hold you at least. He didn't say a word to his brothers since you asked him not to but he did invade a lot of your personal space no longer shy about it. He made sure your scars were healing and nothing fresh appeared. He was never far behind you so it was impossible to even try. If it were from the beginning he would have scolded himself for being such a ditz and not seeing the obvious he wished he had helped sooner than he had.

Satan

He sometimes took out his aggression in that way in the past so he wasn't as overreactive as his brothers. He did however dislike you doing such a thing. He knew to hit the problem at the source and coax you into small steps at stopping. Even with the small steps he always stopped you unbeknownst to you he cast a spell to make sure nothing harmful touches your skin. He did relay that information to you but was always so happy seeing your body heal and no longer bleed. He doesn't bring it up unless he notices it could get bad but definitely praises you a bit more than usual when he notices you stop attempting.

Asmos

As most wouldn't expect he actually doesn't overreact. He is very calm and gently distracts you as he removes anything harmful away. He huffs and puffs about scarring your beautiful skin but also keeps up on your mental health. He makes your journal, vent to him, cry, anything to help you. He also keeps this to himself he didn't feel it was worthy of sharing with others. He kept track of your progress in his head and yet always treated you the same as if you were still you.

Beel

He is actually the one to be the overreacter. He immediately helps and was all tears along with you. He hated seeing the ones he loved hurt, bleeding, injured, anything harmful really. He often cries when looking over the marks he completely missed and begged you to stop. He was stubborn and kept literally everything away that could possibly be used in that way. He also took into mind your mental health and got you to go out more enjoy nature, life anything to help. He always held you in his arms with bad episodes and slowly rocked with you.

Belphie

He was eerily silent. He immediately got you to stop and lets just say he quite literally attached to you completely. He had no issues following you around and making sure you're safe towards yourself. He never did stop either always wrapping around you holding you or putting you to sleep once you asked him to. He hurt deep in his heart since he knew you were hurting but once he saw you progress he became happier to show you he will feel as you do.

Diavolo

He has heard of this of course. He's seen so many things. Barb can't keep everything from him. He did basically keep every eye he had on you but made sure to make it discreet so it felt as if nothing were there for you. Every time you tried he would be right there to stop you. He offered any and everything to get you to stop and even if you were stubborn he never quit. He didn't shame you or push you into anything just let you progress on your own with his support. Once he heard you were getting better he started to give you more gifts a subtle way to congratulate your progress without saying it

Barb

He immediately removed the object you were using and never let it be within your reach ever again. He didn't say anything really just basically blocked you from any form of self harm. He said you need to heal yourself within before he can fully trust you with anything sharp. Eventually through a tough and long process you got there and could use small things here and there without any thoughts of attempting. His smile slowly returning as you progressed.

Notes: I'm going to end it here since I am not particularly fond of self harm coming from someone who had done it themselves. I hope this doesn't seem too repetitive I did try with the few I wrote for

[junebuggiezz]

𖦹—Saw a post on here that prompted me to write this short scenario as a practice, but thought it'd nice to post it here.

Original post by @thegoopygoober https://www.tumblr.com/thegoopygoober/781403192878596096/just-been-thinking-of-the-jester-x-princess?source=share

Gender neutral reader || Small blood mention || Accidental harm

You can’t help but stare at the small form of black blood that had spilt from Mel’s cheekbone. You stood still as she began to mutter quickly under her breath and wiped the blood with the back of her gloved hand.

“Shit, [Name]!” She hisses, fear laced into it. Her teeth grit and her eyebrows furrow.

You’re still standing in front of her with the knife you accidentally swiped at her face when you were spinning around playfully in the kitchen. Mel had came in to look for something when she saw you being the entertaining lunatic you are. You were too distracted in your mind before you had felt a hand barely graze your shoulder, making you quickly spin and—

SLASH!

Gave her a nice slash on the cheek.

Mel was thankfully able to move her body back. The graze of the knife’s tip had only harmed her. And by the looks of it, you doubt she’d need any stitches or will gain a scar from the ordeal.

You squint your eyes and give a forced smile. “Sorry Mel,” You cringe as you go over to the sink and begin to clean the knife. You knew Ken would kill you if blood had gotten into the customer’s food (As if they don’t do that themselves). “You're still on break, right? I think you should patch it up while you still can. You’re not gonna kill us all ‘cause of an accident, right?” You stretch your head to look upside down at the girl— who’s now looking at you with stunned confusion.

“You’re… not gonna rat me out as the human?” She questions carefully, her body tense and on guard.

You toss the knife into the sink and slink your way back to the “Rotling”, placing an arm over her shoulder. “Why should I?”

“Wha— You just said that I had the power to destroy the Gaslight District. Aren’t you worried?”

You raise an eyebrow and begin to mumble, “Oh nooo, it’s a human… She’s gonna destroy us allll… Beware the Black Blood— Little Timmy’s been struck—! Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare!” You snort by the end of it as your free hand makes small explosion gestures. “Mel, these people have been spewing since forever. You kinda get to a point in time where you just get sick of hearing it all. Day. ESPECIALLY if you’re immortal.” You slowly swipe both hands down your face, forcing you and Mel’s body’s closer.

Mel hums in amusement. “Maybe I could end the District just so you don’t have to hear about it anymore?”

“Oh please do, what are you waiting for?” The two of you laugh lightly as you give her a side hug. Your face unintentionally presses onto the cut on her cheek, forcing a similar imprint to stamp onto you. “At least it’s better knowing you’ll be the one to spill my blood in this hell.”

Mel grins as she glances at the blood on your cheek. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

My first writing post, chat 🎉

[brooklynisher]

Hey all, you ever hear of Jaunty?

[x]

Do you WANT to learn more about Jaunty?

Well I dug deep, and found some things I never thought I could find. I'm really excited to share what I've found with y'all. This post is sort of a little journey of how I found Jaunty.

There's a few sections to this.

Skip to But where does Jaunty come from? If you just want answers

Is Jaunty even a real character?

Jaunty, from what I originally found, is SUPPOSEDLY a Steam Powered Giraffe character. But where have we seen this character before? Was it the comic? Was it the timeline? Maybe in a song cover? Does the band ever talk about Jaunty?

And to answer all of your questions, no! At least not that I knew of. The only source of Jaunty’s existence is here.

The Steam Powered Giraffe Wiki

So that makes this whole thing pretty complicated right? The wiki has info, and it’s not too inaccurate most of the time, but some of the lesser known/more nuanced information tends to get scuffed.

It really doesn’t help knowing that David has mentioned before that the information on the wiki wasn't that accurate.

What I’m saying is, the only proof we have for the existence of this character is on what might be one of the more unreliable sources of SPG information.

But despite that, this page is special in the fact that SUPPOSEDLY it was uploaded by Steam Powered Giraffe themselves!

[x]

However, there isn’t really much of any information on this user at all. All we know is that they founded this wiki, added a few characters and a bit of information, and then became inactive. Really our biggest reasoning for believing that this was an actual SPG member is the fact that they are the founder and have been around for a very long time.

Okay, suspicions aside, let’s see what I found about this thing.

What the wiki tells us

One, this image was touched by the founder of this wiki twice, it was uploaded in 2011, and in 2014 they protected the page, which means only the administrators can edit the page.

[x]

Both are pretty major years for SPG being the year Upgrade left the band and the year Rabbit transitioned, but there’s not many connections you can make with that.

This user was first active in 2010 and last seen in 2015 [x]

Cool dates to have, but not a lot to work with. It mainly gives us a clear vision of what SPG was looking like at the time of the creation of this page. I can see this thing being used for a special, slightly themed show.

Of course, the information the wiki alone offers is very limited, but we know two things for sure. One, this character is a robot being under the category of robots, and two, these photos were taken by Cineria.

[x]

So, here's the problem, you'd think that by having the name of the photographer, we could get far with that, but unfortunately, it is such a vague name, that there is just no way we could figure out who Cineria actually is. It really doesn't help that they don't seem to be a professional photographer. The only page I could find that connects both the name Cineria and Steam Powered Giraffe is this one.

Useless information

I started searching for stuff by reverse searching it. It wasn't really successful, as I was expecting, but I did find one thing.

A different source.

This source doesn't go anywhere must you know. The ORIGINAL site, florist.buketbunga.com is still up an active serving as an Indonesian site for selling flowers, but this very specific link is broken, and the Wayback Machine doesn't know a thing about it.

The good news is, the link title alone gives us a ton of stuff to work with! Appropriately, the last part of this link translates to "Flower Bouquet Florist Shop Address Nearest 24 Hours Online", which makes sense.

What DOESN'T make sense is everything else coming before it. Specifically the Team Fortress 2 Wiki. This made me believe that someone used these sites to create a scam link, but it's weird because somehow, it's relevant?

Yandex was able to match these images of Jaunty to this site, and what's crazier, Jaunty is in the title of the link! But it's not just Jaunty, it's the Jaunty Explorer.

I did some searching, and discovered that the Jaunty Explorer originates from a TF2 livestream charity event called Tip of the Hats! Donations can earn you medals known as the Jaunty Explorer ($10 Donations), the Jaunty Ranger ($30 Donations), and the Jaunty Mountaineer ($100 Donations). They can come in many different color variations, but here are the main ones.

[x] [x] [x]

There are TWO connections between this and SPG. One, the shared name of Jaunty, and two, hats. Steam Powered Giraffe is pretty big on hats. But, bad news, these are completely unrelated. Main reasoning? The image of Jaunty was posted to the wiki back in 2011, while Tip of the Hats as an event started back in 2013. Can't even take the "SPG was inspired by TF2" route with that.

Okay, but what even IS it?

Now we get into the visual aspect of this!

I tried to see if there was at least any way to identify what this is, but that solely relies on observational skills. There are two images of this thing, but the image with the blue background is much easier to make out.

[x]

There's a lot that's going on with the design of Jaunty. Unfortunately, I'm not smart enough to identify what half of the doodads are. This machine, whether it's an actual machine or just a prop, is definitely a one of a kind as I couldn't find anything like this.

I talked with @boneinator about this, and he was able to read the text: "STAND CLEAR!" on the top of the doors of this machine which lead him to believe that it might be a time machine of sorts.

What we both managed to agree on when it came to the design of this thing however, was that it looks like a cabinet.

Now, like I said, this thing has a one of a kind design, so it's not going to look exactly like one thing or another, but it has similar features to other things such as to this cabinet

[x]

Two longer doors on the upper half, and two smaller doors/drawers on the bottom. Is that actually what it is? I didn't know, but there is a resemblance.

One thing that's REALLY interesting about this machine is the intense amount of steam it lets out.

[x]

So it's definitely a very active machine.

But where does Jaunty come from?

Something I've been wondering is how much of this is actually connected to SPG.

Is it theirs? Is this a part of a bigger thing? Is it just associated with them?

A bigger thing. There is one example of a big SPG show that comes to mind, and it was not just them.

During their 15 Year Anniversary Livestream, the band was asked about their favorite memories. Bunny mentions that one of her favorite memories was at a show called Clockwork Vaudeville. This was one of the band's first time having a massive audience. According to her, this was a time traveling show, and they performed alongside others.

I looked into it and found that the full name of this performance is called Clockwork Vaudeville Circus Cabaret. And there, I found a little advertisement for it as well!

The Kickstarter for this show started in late 2010

I did some more searching and realized there is a bunch of video from this show out there though all these clips are recorded at random intervals. Assuming that the uploader posted these clips close to the date of the actual show, we can see that this show took place in February of 2011!

About one month after this show, this page was added to the wiki.

I checked the clips, and guess what.

[x]

Right there in the corner, there was Jaunty.

But that's not all

Not only have a found a video that contained Jaunty, I found a video that contained Jaunty in action!

[x]

Unbelievably enough, it was a video of the band performing Honeybee alongside a pole dancer. And thanks to the title, we now know that this show took place February 19, 2011

Which all this confirms 100% that Jaunty IS a time machine.

Now with all things considered, Jaunty is not necessarily an "SPG character" as in they didn't create it. It's hard to say if Jaunty is even a character at all at this point! But it does exist in their world and they actively interact with it!

Who cheered? I cracked the code!

[loweya-blog]

Heyy, I've just come across this post https://www.tumblr.com/tsukii0002/767342452477657088/en-el-mundo-humano-ej-la-temporada-3?source=share and I would REALLY REALLY REALLY love a longer scenario of this idea. Tag the original account and make my dreams come true if it's not too much trouble. Thank you for posting good Obey Me content~ 🌹

So sorry for taking so long! I had job issues to deal with and moving stuff that's going to be happening. Here is your scenario! I hope you like it! :D

Surprise! I drive!

The brothers hadn't been in the human world for very long and during one of their visits, Lucifer announced it was time for grocery shopping. To your surprise, the rest of the brothers groaned, even Beel who normally would be excited over the prospect of food.

"Uggh..... I don't want to carry all of it. Or any of it." Belphie groaned from his cozy spot on the couch.

His head had been on your lap while you were reading. Meanwhile Beel was right next to you, munching on a granola bar you'd given him.

"Yeah. I won't be able to eat any of it for so long. I don't know if I can hold back," Beel said, in between bites.

"My legs weren't made for such a distance!"

Walking to the farmers market would take a long while and you didn't feel like walking for 35 whole minutes either.

"I can just pick it up," You offer.

"By yourself?" Satan asked with a look of worry.

"Yeah. If you just give me a list and card, I'll drive down and get the stuff you need. Of course I'd love someone to come along to help carry things to the car-"

"You can drive?!" Mammon asked, completely shocked.

"Well..... yeah? The public transportation here is shit so I have to drive, whether I like it or not...."

Looking at the brothers, you noticed a shift in their expressions. There was a mix of impressed looks along with ones of worry and surprise.

"What? Did you guys think just cause I didn't have a license in the Devildom that I wouldn't have one in my own realm?" You question, a bit annoyed and amused.

"....It seems.... we didn't think of that," Lucifer responded, clearly coping with this new information, "...As for your offer, I think that would be best. Thank you."

"So you can do magic, have pacts with demons, AND drive? What other secrets are you hiding from us?" Asmo asked with a little smirk as he wormed his way onto your lap, shoving Belphie's head aside.

Belphie looked annoyed that his spot was taken and leaned against your shoulder instead.

"It's hardly a secret. How else do you think I get places? I can't stay in my apartment all day!"

Suddenly, you saw all the brothers pause once more, as though their brains had been broken.

"A-apartment? You got an apartment without us?" Levi whined, "That's not fair!"

"I had the apartment before I came to the Devildom. Did you guys think I was homeless or something?"

The room's silence was deafening.

"Do you have a job?" Satan finally asked.

"Yep. I gotta pay rent somehow."

"But how come we've never seen you at this so-called apartment?" Belphie demanded, having doubts about this story.

"Cause I want to hang around you guys for the summer and living in a mansion is fucking awesome," You realized if you didn't escape this conversation, you'd be here forever. "I'd better get those groceries, before they close down."

Abruptly but gently you pulled Asmo off your lap and left the room with the list Lucifer had written up for himself originally, and his card. Meanwhile the brothers were shell-shocked. This human, whom they had known for two whole years had a whole life outside of them. A life they barely knew anything about.

The realization was a humbling one as it reminded them of two certain truths. One, you didn't need them as much as they thought you did. Two, there was an entirely different side to you that they never had the chance to see yet. For the longest time they thought they knew everything about you. But now, they were realizing they barely knew anything at all.

______________________________

A few days pass since the conversation and you noticed a shift in the brother's behaviors. At least one of the brothers would make you breakfast, even on days when it was supposed to be your turn to make the meals. Lucifer would take you out to fine dining restaurants, Mammon would constantly buy you anything you looked interested in, Levi would drag you to his room for the newest games and manga, Asmo would bring you to fancy spas and nail salons, Beel would give you all his snacks while Belphie would make your bed perfect for naps with waaaaay too many pillows. A bit of spoiling was nice now and then but the intensity of your spoiling had gone from a level five to a level ten in less than a day.

So you had a sit down. You used your pact to make all the brothers sit in the living room for a proper conversation. At first they were resistant to speak up about it but after seeing the worried look on your face, they one by one gave in.

"Ugh! Fine! We're just... worried!" Mammon blurted out.

"About what?"

"It's not that we are are worried. It's just.... I suppose we just are anxious," Satan answered, trying to reframe the issue.

"About?"

"Well.... that you might one day get tired of us and leave," Asmo said with a sigh, "We know we can be difficult, though I'm always worth it, it's just sometimes we get concerned that you won't see things that way."

"And since now we learn you're completely independent, it means you have even less reason stickin' around!" Mammon blurted out.

"You're already smart, kind, gorgeous, funny, and capable," Beel said with sad eyes, "In a way, you're too good for us."

"And we can't even make you stay by keeping you asleep with us since you apparently have a job," Belphie said with a lazy pout.

"What we are trying to say is.... your independence shook us up a bit, since we are so used to having you rely on us," Lucifer explained tactfully.

What kind of podcast bullshit are they listening to?

"That's not what our relationship is about. It's not about providing and taking. We're a family. Regardless of what you do or don't provide," You say with a frown, "I love you all far more than what you can do for me. If all I cared about was what you gave or did for me, then that isn't love! I love you all for who you are. Even if I was the wealthiest person in the world, which I certainly am not, it wouldn't fucking matter. Got it?"

You pulled each of them into a tight hug, even Lucifer who had tried to escape from the group hug.

"You're MY demons. MY family. My friends. No amount of me driving or being independent is going to change that. Okay?"

Your words seemed to soothe the hearts of each of your demons, letting them relax against you as they snuggled up next to you. For the evening, you all stayed together, relaxed and no longer worried about who could give what. Because in the end, that's not what love was about.

(@douxkise)

[maliktomlinson]

Even though I read plenty of fics and have been doing so since I first started in 2021, this is the first time I actually noted down the names of the fics as I read them this month. I’m so thankful to our fandom’s wonderful writers for sharing these with us and it is because I read so many that I wanted to start noting them down so I can remember them. I was debating posting the list but fics have always been a source of comfort for me and if you feel the same, maybe these can bring you some comfort too.

🎃 The Serpent and the Lion by louiseparker @louiseparker [212k]

Seventh year Hogwarts AU in which Harry Styles is an asshole Gryffindor jock with daddy issues, Louis is just trying to get through the year, and Liam, Zayn, and Niall rarely ever know what the hell is going on.

🎃 Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices by Toomanytears @toomanydreamers [126k]

A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they're forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue.

🎃 You Drive Me Round The Bend by TheCellarDoor [77k]

In which Louis is a spoilt rich kid who’s always on the phone while he drives and Harry is a struggling musician making his way down the mountain. It’s just a matter of time before they crash and burn.

🎃 but me, i'm not a gamble by orphan_account [33k]

A Posh & Becks AU in which Harry is a star on the stage and Louis is a star on the pitch, but they're both inexplicably terrible at articulating their feelings. In the end, it only takes a season's worth of failed matchmaking schemes, platonic dinner dates, road trip holidays, and one very convenient David Beckham cameo for them to figure it all out. And if Niall knew all along? Well, he at least has the decency not to be too smug about it.

🎃 The Lone Hydrangea by sarah_writes @lightwoodsmagic [77k]

The post Hogwarts AU where Harry's a florist, Louis' a muggle who edits fantasy books, and they both have no say in how quickly they fall for each other.

🎃 The Sunshine Stays by quickedween @becomeawendybird [15k]

It's three years after One Direction got back together, and Harry and Louis have just come off a world tour. They're enjoying a much more relaxed schedule the second time around, allowing themselves to bask in married life. Until, one day, Louis surprises Harry on vacation, and there are some surprising consequences.

🎃 House Of The Rising Sun by @itsmotivatingcara [100k]

Witch Harry/Vampire Louis. The Originals AU.

🎃 Something Like This by multicoloredme [150k]

After leaving his boyfriend, Louis is a little sore emotionally and is ready for a fresh start in a new city. When a coworker tells him about a couple friends looking for a new flatmate, he decides to go for it. Little does he know, that one of his new flatmates is the gorgeous, captivating guy he met at a party a few weeks ago. A New Girl/Grey’s Anatomy/Relief Next To Me inspired AU.

🎃 Say That You Can See Me (I'll Speak Up I Swear) by @coffeelouis [20k]

The liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as the boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him.

🎃 Don't You Think It's Boring How People Talk? by wildestdreams @thelavendrhaze [80k]

A Gossip Girl AU where Louis is the king of the Upper East Side and Harry is the bad boy he loves to hate until a late-night limo ride changes everything.

🎃 Magical Soup by gloria_andrews @gloriaandrews [28k]

Slytherin prefect Louis Tomlinson's seventh year at Hogwarts takes an immediate turn for the worse when he's made to be potions partners with Harry Styles, Hufflepuff's resident heartthrob and class clown. Louis has always considered Styles to be a terrible show-off who coasts by on his charm and good looks, but the more they work together, the more he questions that idea. As term goes on, will Louis be able to admit to himself that he might actually like Harry Styles after all... and maybe, just maybe, as more than a friend?

🎃 King Of My Heart by wildestdreams @thelavendrhaze [80k]

A Red, White, and Royal Blue AU where Hollywood elite, Louis Tomlinson, finds himself falling for the closeted Prince of England.

🎃 And What If I Were You by @jacaranda-bloom [100k]

For Louis, will losing his sight give him the clarity to realise what is right in front of him?

For Harry, will losing the love of his life give him the strength to finally open his heart?

And can they find their way back, before they lose each other forever? A story of love. A story of loss. A story of fighting for each other, no matter the odds.

🎃 Tell me when you're ready (I'm waitin') by insufferablelovebirds [17k]

When Harry's love letters to his old crushes get sent accidentally, one recipient, Louis, offers to help him fake a relationship but it gets complicated when feelings get involved.

Or an au loosely based off to all the boys I've loved before.

Total Fics Read: 14

[the-crooked-library]

https://www.tumblr.com/the-crooked-library/782807895134912513/permit-me-a-nosferatu-2024-comment-in-april-of?source=share Not sure if you've talked about it in previous posts before, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MENTIONING IT SLIGHTLY IN THIS ONE. I always had a feeling that Orlok was well aware that he would die that very next sunrise, but people have treated it as if Ellen tricked him into staying??? I always thought if that were the case that that would make Orlok come off as... kinda dumb???

hi - i've mentioned this a few times before, in passing, but not in detail; and yeahhh like... personally i do see how the trickery assumption may indeed be made - but only if the story is taken at face value.

it is a given that, within the aesthetic premise of the film, Orlok fills the classic fairytale role of an unwanted magical suitor (e.g. Alviss - same principle, sunlight allergy included); the conventions of the Fairytale, then, demand that he be tricked. however, i also believe that accepting such a surface-level interpretation in the context of Nosferatu is fundamentally dismissive of the film's actual genre - which is not a fairytale, but a gothic horror.

the point of the gothic is to subvert the traditional. the story is intended to delve into the uncomfortable aspects of love, fear, morality, and social norms. the characters of Nosferatu, despite being based on fairytale archetypes, are far more complex than a purely traditional narrative would usually permit. Ellen is not a perfect maiden fair, Thomas is not a valiant prince, Von Franz is not as wise as a hermit should be; and as such, it follows that Orlok is not a one-dimensional villain, either. though he doesn't believe himself to be capable of a human love, he appears to genuinely care for Ellen. the expression of his caring might be monstrous; but it is undeniable that he sees her as his only equal, that he wishes her to be free of humanity's bondage, and that he has offered her an eternity together.

this brings us directly to your question. did Orlok know he was going to die?..

i think that the film tells us, indisputably, that he did. unlike the original 1922 production, it shows us a scene i personally believe is crucial - that of Orlok breaking away from the blood, and looking around the room just before the sunrise. he saw the room was bright. he knew what that meant. he could have run. we have seen him move across a castle or a city in a blink, and it is unlikely he travelled with a single casket (both Stoker's Dracula and Murnau's 1922 Orlok had three). still, he hesitates; which means that, in that moment, we are watching him deliberate. then, Ellen whispers - "more!.. more!" - and Orlok makes his choice.

i personally believe that not only is his decision intentional, but it is also essential - both to his character and to her story arc. it's a direct and opposite parallel to the opening scene of her relationship with Thomas. it is a narrative climax shared by three; simultaneously, Thomas realizes he has been tricked, Orlok recognizes that he is in love, and Ellen realizes that she is adored.

in choosing to stay with her, Orlok demonstrates the one form of love that Ellen has never received before. throughout the story, she is expected to sacrifice herself - her personality, her freedom, her autonomy, her sexuality, her health, her life - for the sake of others, who continuously abandon or reject her; and yet, moments away from daybreak, a monster chooses to sacrifice his own life - an eternity - for the sake of just another minute in her bed. that minute, fleeting as it is, means more to him than his continued existence.

for Ellen, that is monumental. when we watch Orlok die, we are seeing the first time she is truly chosen; and i think erasing it does the overarching story a disservice.

[ndrv3expert1]

How I would rewrite the utilization and timing of Tenko's flipping ability (That also slightly changes the narrative.)

Tenko's flipping ability had the power to change the entire narrative of DRV3 but the game barely used it here's how it could have made a really impact.

This is an excerpt to a 25 page essay I wrote inspired by @whattheskyknows' post about the underutilization of Tenko’s flipping ability. Check out their original post below.

https://www.tumblr.com/whattheskyknows/766230450261884928/i-wish-drv3-utilised-tenkos-flipping-technique?source=share

The first reveal of Tenko’s ability

The first time Tenko’s power will be revealed is late chapter two early chapter three. Here she will flip Shuichi and Himiko just like in the original game, but this time instead of being the only time her ability is ultilized it will be used to give the player an inclination of Tenko’s power with characters that we already know enough about to deem Tenko’s analysis correct making her ability seem reliable and trustworthy.

The next time Tenko’s power will be utilized is in the middle of chapter three.

Maki's flip

Here she would flip Maki. I know you probably think I don’t know if that would work out, etc., but at this point, Maki is getting closer to Kaito and Shuichi, and even though Tenko was one of the many people who were wary of Maki after her talent reveal she did eventually come around and had a nice chat with Maki in chapter three.

Tenko could guise it as sparring, especially after her dojo opened up and flipped Maki telling her something along the lines of:

“You hide from us because you believe that we’ll all hate you, but Tenko can tell, deep down, you’re a caring girl, Maki. You’re afraid, just like the rest of us, afraid of hurting your loved ones, which is why you lie to build up walls. You don’t want us to shun you, and you don’t want any more blood on your hands, at least not if you don’t have to.”

And then Maki would obviously (and understandably) be shocked, probably asking Tenko how she knew that just by flipping her.

I think the two would grow closer and make that conversation between them before Angie’s death a bit more impactful.

Either Shuichi would have to be in the room or Maki would have to tell him (and Kaito) after the fact since Shuichi is the protagonist and we find out all the information through him, and then he would do that thing where he has a thought or an internal monologue, but it pops up as text that reads:

‘It’s nice that those two are getting along with their combined strength; we might be able to find a way out of here.’

Kokichi’s flip

Next would be Kokichi, which wouldn't be an on screen moment like Maki's because Kokichi dropping his mask is a big reveal for the end of the game.

Tenko would either flip Kokichi out of pure annoyance or reluctant curiosity, then say:

"Tenko can see you're putting up a villainous facade, but she can tell that there’s more behind it."

And Kokichi gets so scared that he’s vulnerable and just runs away.

Maybe he even writes on his little whiteboard an insult under Tenko’s name, then erases it and writes interesting or useful under it.

They can then have little interactions where they talk, combining their skills to try and figure out the mastermind or the truth of the game, and we see them getting closer to each other.

Then I wrote two separate storylines because I love Tenko so much I created two alternate universes for her ability to be used correctly, and I wanted to make this harder for myself because I can't take the easy way out.

Here's how Tenko’s flipping ability could play out in two possible narratives option being closer to the canon and option two deviating further from it.

Option one:

Tenko dies like she was supposed to and all the secrets die with her. Kokichi and Maki are upset, but of course, in typical fashion, don’t show it in front of the others.

After Tenko’s death, Tsumugi looks happy/relieved, and Kokichi gets suspicious, but it’s not enough evidence to determine anything yet.

In late chapter three or early chapter four, before everything happens, Kokichi finds out that Tsumugi was happy Kiyo killed Tenko because she found out too much and goes into his plan even more determined to end the killing game and get revenge on Tsumugi for everything she's done to them (and Tenko).

Option two:

Kiyo kills Angie locked room mystery style, he then tries to kill Tenko but it fails (it still hit her in the arm or a non-vital part of the neck.) Tenko still dies, though, and everyone believes that it was from blood loss.

Later Kokichi discovered that Tsumugi killed Tenko using the power of the first-come, first-served rule to save herself because Tenko flipped her and found out way too much.

Kokichi would then find out and confront Tsumugi in a confrontation that would go something like:

“You did it, didn’t you?” Kokichi said, his voice filled with emotion, Tsumugi turned around, confused and angry. "You killed her."

Here bits of Kokichi's mask would start to drop , the usual mischievous smirk replaced with a rage-filled scowl.

Tsumugi would walk closer, their faces almost touching.

“She was learning too much, sticking her nose into places it didn’t belong. The game wouldn’t have been as fun if there was a reveal so early… I had to get rid of her; she was a threat to me. You understand, don’t you, Ouma?” (referencing chapter four).

Kokichi would then curse her out and say something along the lines of he'll ruin Tsumugi's game for her and everyone watching, either Tsumugi directly or the cameras, and continue his plan to end the game.

Tsumugi would then either be amused that Kokichi would try or genuinely concerned seeing Kokichi as a threat and trying to stop him herself, once again changing the narrative.

This one is especially nice because it shows the parallel of Kokichi and Tsumugi as a sheep in a wolf’s clothing and a wolf in a sheep’s clothing and also them both having scripts and doing whatever is necessary to make their narrative happen.

Kokichi is manipulating Gonta to kill Miu and Tsumugi killing Rantaro and framing it on Kaede.

This also gives Tsumugi more of a role as the mastermind in the game, also allowing Tenko to use her power multiple times without the consequences of an early reveal or boring game.

Then for either one or two, the ending would pretty much go the same except for maybe Tsumugi subtly mentioning that Tenko (and Kokichi) already found out a while ago, but the rest of the ending is perfect and wouldn’t be affected.

Conclusion

And that is a rewrite of how I think Tenko’s flipping ability could have been used to its full potential.

Of course, there were a few things that I couldn’t stress as much as I wanted to, like Tenko and Maki and Tenko and Kokichi's friendship, and the others would be like:

“Tenko and Kokichi/Maki are close these days, aren’t they?”

But this is getting long, so maybe I'll talk about it in another post.

Tenko had a really amazing power that had the chance to change the narrative and be a really cool arc, especially since she's a character that expresses her emotions wholeheartedly and wants others to do the same, but it instead was just like so many other things about Tenko's character overlooked, underutilized, and forgotten about, during and after its reveal.

Tenko deserved better. We deserved better and it's a shame to see such a great opportunity go to waste.

And if anyone wants to read the full essay if requested I will make a comment or another post (unlikely though it's very long 😅)

[bloody-cupcakes]

smacks this fic on the table

https://www.tumblr.com/bloody-cupcakes/753689763596353536/hello-can-i-request-something-with-jd-with-a?source=share

hihi hello hai

do u think u could write smth like this but w john…👁️👁️

Assuming you're meaning john bender from the breakfast club yes I can! I started writing something else but it ended up taking a mind of it's own and sort of spiraled out of control and away from the original prompt so if you're wondering why this has taken so long that's why 😭 I plan on posting the other one soon though if you're interested. Also I feel like this isn't very good?? Idk

Tw: yandere/dark content, gender neutral reader, yandere for yandere nonsense, both Bender and the reader are kind of crazy but the reader is a lot more obvious about it, swearing, mentions of underage smoking (weed and cigarettes), light stalking, implied/referenced abuse, mentions of violence/fights/implied murder

There were typically only two types of kids who ended up in detention: good, decent ones who made an honest mistake, and delinquents who either purposely got detention or didn't really give a shit. Bender was the second one, obviously.

When you first showed up in detention, he thought for a split second you might be the first type. That was until you looked over at him with eyes that were full of mischief and chaos, immediately giving you away.

"Hi," you greeted him like it was nothing. You were sitting at the desk in front of him, but you had turned around in your chair so you could stare at him like some kind of attention starved puppy.

He just looked at you for a second with a raised eyebrow, having no idea what to think. "Uh, hi." You were definitely cute, and you didn't seem to have a problem talking to him even though he was widely known throughout the school to be a criminal, but something about you was off, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. It intrigued him.

"I really like your hair. It looks really soft." Being socially aware seemed to be something you clearly knew nothing about, because who starts a conversation like that? No one that was considered "normal" by that school's standards, he could tell you that much.

"Can I...?" You asked vaguely, trailing off while you reached your hand forward, as if you wanted to touch him. Part of him wanted to be annoyed, another part wanted to mess with you so badly, but eventually it was the third part of him that won out. As much as he tried to, he couldn't find it in him to care.

"Yeah, sure." He leaned forward and tilted his head down, allowing you to touch it. He heard you let out a gasp of delight before you moved your hand to rest on top of his head, gently stroking his hair.

The giggle you let out made him smile, even though he'd deny it if you ever asked. Once you were satisfied with touching his hair, you pulled your hand away and went back to staring at him.

Bender didn't think anything of it, thinking that maybe you were just kind of weird, which you definitely were, as it turned out, because you spent the entirety of detention bothering him. You were constantly asking what he was doing, and even when you weren't directly messing with him you still didn't leave him alone, choosing to just sort of stare in his direction. Other people might've been unnerved, but he didn't care too much.

He thought that once detention was over that'd be the last he'd see of you, but it turned out he was wrong when you started showing up in the school parking lot during lunch to get high with him and skipping class to join him with whatever random thing he was doing.

No matter what he did, you were there. He even caught you breaking into his locker a few times and trying to follow him home. The locker thing didn't bother him that much, since he knew you wouldn't snitch on him for having weed, but there was no way he was going to allow you at his house. It was hard having to tell you to leave him alone, but it was even harder having to imagine you littered with bruises and cuts because his dad had an off day.

That didn't mean you couldn't hold your own, however. He knew you could because he'd seen you yell at other students and even teachers for the snide comments they made about him. You were always so adorable whenever you threatened to get violent.

Despite that, he knew he'd never be able to forgive himself if you ended up getting hurt because of him. He'd already been in detention more than once for getting into fights with people who made fun of you for how "crazy" you were, something that he just didn't see. How could anyone not fall in love with that slightly unhinged look in your eyes?

One thing he never did have to worry about was spending detention alone, because unlike him you had no clue how to act natural whenever you were doing something you weren't supposed to. Whereas he could get away with certain things due to being clever enough, you couldn't because of how visibly insane you were. Sometimes you were given detention for no reason at all, it just seemed to be a precaution they were taking.

"I want you to tell me if they hurt you again," you suddenly demanded one Saturday while the two of you were hanging out in the library during said detention. "Your parents, I mean. Or Vernon, or anyone. You protect me, so I want to be able to protect you."

"I don't need you to protect me," Bender replied with a scoff as he lit up yet another cigarette. He didn't miss the glare in your eyes that formed at his words.

"I don't care if you need it or not," you practically snapped in reply. Other people would fear for their safety if they heard you use that tone directed towards them, but he was used to your temper flares by now. "I just- I want you to know that I care about you, y'know? And that I can keep you safe."

He paused upon hearing your words, thinking them over some before letting out a sigh. As much as he wanted to tell you to mind your own business, he knew you'd find out sooner or later. "The gym teacher threatened to break my nose for making him look ridiculous in front of the other kids," he muttered as he stared down, his cigarette momentarily forgotten.

Your gaze softened as you watched him, knowing how much it took for him to admit it. "I'm sorry that happened to you, John. I'll make sure to take care of it, okay?"

The way you said his name made his heart beat faster, an affectionate gleam in his eyes as he looked up at you. "I know you will. Just be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you, either."

Letting out a devious giggle, you gave him a twisted smile that would send other people running for the hills but only made the butterflies in his stomach get worse. "Believe me, I'm not the one you need to worry about."

A couple days later, said gym teacher ended up going missing. Several people were questioned by the police as they tried to find out what happened, including you two, but eventually they hit a dead end and were forced to file what happened under the cold cases.

You were right when you said you wanted to protect him, and unlike other people you made sure you followed through with it. I guess it didn't hurt to have someone that was considered crazy care about you.

[wolfertinger]

https://www.tumblr.com/throwaway-callingbs/785558085900042240/holy-assumptions-batman-wow-okay-so-hi-ive?source=share

So he really just accuses anyone who disagrees with him of being a white person talking over black people and poc, huh?

copying their reblog, as i cannot reblog it directly.

"Holy assumptions, Batman!

Wow okay so hi, I've never had anyone lose their goddamn marbles over something that wasn't supposed to be hostile or anything. This is going to be my only post on things in an ATTEMPT to clear shit up for other people (minus Salem because it's clear that you have some issues and you're determined to paint me a villain based on lies and assumptions). I don't care enough for this to be a back and forth thing but I am NOT gonna sit here and have some rando label me as a pissed off racist white person when that couldn't be further from the truth.

Fwiw the original response was on Salem's like, black art comparisons between actual POC artists and white people. I'm not taking whole screenshots, Salem blocked me within maybe minutes of me posting my comment and then went on his whole tirade I guess. I understand why you use that weird filter on shit now I guess, you're just looking to take shit out of context and twist things into something they're not.

Anyways

This? This just read unnecessarily ugly and I said so. I want to state that I didn't see comments of people getting pissy/hurt or patting themselves unnecessarily on the back but also I only looked at direct comments and not tags or reblogs so idk how folks acted over everything. But hell maybe he blocked those people too idk how blocking works here I've never been blocked and then had someone spreading lies about me before. Or he was making shit up because that's what he's doing to me.

The biggest thing I had to say:

I'M NOT FUCKING WHITE!!!

I AM LATIN AMERICAN!!!

MY PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY BEING PUT IN FUCKING CONCENTRATION CAMPS AND SHIT JUST FOR EXISTING IN THE U.S. DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT WHITE PRIVILEGE OR WHATEVER BULLSHIT. MY PEOPLE ARE ACTIVELY BEING PERSECUTED.

Maybe I didn't word shit right, idk, but nah, sorry man, on a post about drawing black people, going "idk why white people are wanting to be congratulated like they're children for doing something basic" does come across as hostile or aggressive or at the very least, kind of mean-spirited. Sorry, I know from experience that you don't talk down to white people if you want to see changed behaviors. Literally was all I was saying.

You wanna see change you gotta tell people they're doing a good job when you see it. Not "Lol why should I say anything positive you should have had this from the beginning!"

ALSO

I have NO fucking clue what you're talking about with the block evading shit. I have not and WOULD not use racist remarks on anyone! I literally only saw this response because someone linked me off-site to your post and I wasn't signed in to tumblr. When I tried using the app it told me the post didn't exist so I knew I'd been blocked. As you can see I had to use a throw away account to address anything because it's REAL easy to call someone a racist white person when they can't even see your shit.

I am not white.

I did not call you racist against white people.

I SURE AS SHIT did not "block evade" (already this is too much effort but you accusing me of this pissed me off) to call you racist things.

Either you're full of shit or someone else came after you, but it was not me. But with how you reacted and went absolutely nuclear even if you turned around and said it must have been someone else I would not believe you.

Sucks because I genuinely loved your art and it gave me better body positivity too.

And before you try to use whatever other lies you can- i am also queer and disabled! In case you start trying to call me some other bullshit like claim I used homophobic or transphobic slurs or something against you next. 🙄

Anyways, I'm done. I just wanted to set the record straight but I'm not going to argue all day with a toxic kid whose using their platform to make shit up when there's REAL. ACTUAL. issues of white people talking over POC and all the other shit you bitch about.

This is public on the platform and that's all I care about. Peace."

[pluviowriting]

Study Break

18+ || MDNI || Content Warnings: SMUT, characters aged up, established relationship, language, praise kink, thigh riding, lil bit of breeding kink, semi public sex I think that covers it all

Word Count: 1480 exactly

Repost from original blog @/pluvpluvpluv

Sebastian Sallow x f!MC

A/N: Happy Thirsty Thursday :) This was written in one sitting and not edited at all. I read through it once before going “yeah post it”

Part Two Here

MC was ready for summer. Summer meant NEWTs were done and she could take a month or so off to celebrate and relax before diving headfirst into her next adventure. She had spent the last two summers under an apprenticeship with Fatima Lawang, making the trip from Feldcroft to Keenbridge every day to study and learn business from someone she truly looked up to. She would be opening a small apothecary in the hamlet she now called home. It was a wonderful location, since she knew Bernard really stuck to selling beast byproducts and plants. She wouldn’t be encroaching on his market, and she could also source ingredients from him. It was going to be, thankfully, a mutually beneficial existence.

She had moved to Feldcroft at the end of their fifth year. Sebastian had nowhere else to live over the summer months, she really had nowhere to live over that time, and neither wanted to be alone. So, when that first year had come to an end, she just followed him home. He had started courting her about halfway through that summer. She had accepted and they had practically lived together like a married couple ever since.

Before she could get to the summer and enjoy her newfound freedom with the love of her life, she had to pass the NEWTs. In order to get her apothecary license, she needed to score high in Potions and Herbology at the very least, but that wasn’t going to be enough for her. The reputation of saving the wizarding world at fifteen years old meant she was expected to do exceedingly well on all of her NEWTs, and she was determined to do so.

She had taken up residence in one of the more secluded corners of the library. It always ensured that MC wouldn’t have to share the table and she could have all of her books open and spread out. Only a select few people knew of where she hid out to study, which limited the interruptions. Except in the case of her boyfriend.

She didn’t know how long she had really been studying when Sebastian finally sat beside her. She didn’t even look up from rereading a paragraph she had already read ten times before. She still retained nothing.

“MC. Love, you missed lunch. I brought you some food.”

“Thanks Bash. I’ll eat it in a minute. I just need to understand what this page is saying.”

He set the plate down and moved the book.

“Considering it’s well past lunch and I didn’t even see you at breakfast, I think you can’t understand the page because you’re hungry. Eat and take a break.”

MC glared at him, debating whether or not it would be worth the argument since they were both the most stubborn person the other had met. That train of thought was interrupted by a rather loud growl as she was betrayed by her own stomach. She ate the food that he brought her without further complaint.

While she ate, Sebastian sat beside her and scanned over the tomes she had laid out on the table. She was paying more attention to him instead. The way that his eyebrows furrowed when he was focused on a paragraph in one of the books and the way his lips moved silently with the words. She focused on his hands as he turned the page and the way that the muscles in his exposed forearms flexed even with that small movement. She could feel herself growing hotter by the second, and it led to the realization that she and Sebastian hadn’t been intimate in nearly three weeks. It could’ve been a record, honestly. Even before he was courting her, after they took each other’s virginities that first summer in Feldcroft, they hardly went more than a couple days without going after each other. The joys of two students living with no chaperone.

“I can feel you staring holes in the side of my head, MC. Have you finished eating? Do you want me to read to you to see if that helps you understand the material better?”

The way he cared for her had also always been one of her favorite things. She had never been good at keeping herself in check, but Sebastian always did his best to make sure she didn’t overextend herself.

“I—uh it’s mostly gone. But I was thinking about something else.”

“Were you? Care to share with the class, darling?”

“I could use your help. Just in a different way.”

He looked at her curiously for a moment before it seemed he registered the look on her face and his expression grew more heated.

“Have you been thinking too much? Do you want to turn that brilliant brain off for a minute?”

His tone was condescending, and while it would normally agitate her when he spoke to her that way, this time it felt different. She nodded slowly, her eyes not leaving his own while a smirk grew on his face.

“Do you remember over the winter holiday, you told me about how one of the girls had talked about grinding on a pillow when she didn’t want to do things herself and I made you do it for me? We don’t have a pillow here, but I bet I could have you grinding on something else and feeling as good as you did that night. Come sit on my thigh, darling. We’ll see if you can ride me like you rode that pillow. Maybe you’ll make just as big a mess on me.”

As she settled in on his lap, she was grateful she had opted for a skirt instead of one of the few outfits she had with pants. The back of the skirt that draped over her boyfriend’s knee would hopefully help hide what they were doing if anyone were to stumble back and find them.

She gave an experimental roll of her hips, and she felt Sebastian’s thigh flex beneath her. MC let out a shaky exhale as she did it again. The thin fabric of her knickers and the coarse fabric of Sebastian’s quidditch pants provided the most delicious friction to her clit. Sebastian’s large hands settled on her hips beneath her skirt, the feel of his fingertips on her bare skin lighting her nerves on fire.

“Make sure you stay quiet. Don’t need anyone hearing how I’m helping you study,” his voice purred, the effect going straight to her core.

As she grew more confident, her pace picked up. Sebastian helped, tensing his thigh and slightly pushing her hips down when she rolled them to make sure that the bundle of nerves she was focused on didn’t go a second without feeling something.

“That’s it, darling. Use me. Grind that needy little cunt on my thigh.”

MC gasped softly, biting her lip as the familiar tension in her lower stomach began to build. She was able to keep her volume down, but she couldn’t keep herself from whining and whimpering completely.

“Bash. Oh gods. I-I’m~”

“Keep going, darling. I can feel how bad you need it. That pretty pussy is drooling through my trousers. You’re making such a mess for me, my good girl. Go on. Cum on my thigh. You can do it, honey.”

With his encouragement and permission, she felt herself giving into the pleasure as her orgasm hit. Her hips stuttered, but Sebastian kept her in rhythm. She registered his low moan too, her chest heaving as she started to come down from her high.

MC’s hand moved to where she assumed she’d find Sebastian’s bulge, hard and aching for the attention she wanted to give it. Instead, her hand landed on a warm, wet patch on the front of his trousers.

“Sebastian Sallow,” she spoke his name low and soft, her frazzled brain slowly putting the pieces together as she looked up at him. “You came in your pants. Untouched. Because of me?”

The boy’s freckled cheeks flooded with color as he blushed. Her normally suave boyfriend seemed embarrassed by this turn of events.

“I may have. You didn’t see yourself. Or hear yourself for that matter. I didn’t realize it was going to happen until it just…happened.”

“That is one of the hottest things you’ve ever done. If we can sneak down to the library floo flame without getting caught, we can make it to the ROR. And I can give you something else to cum in.”

He let out a dark chuckle, looking at her with blown pupils.

“You think this is a game, MC? Hmm? Merlin, I’m gonna get you so fucking pregnant.”

Her eyes widened, and she couldn’t stop the giggle that fell from her lips. She was still giddy as she pulled him down the stairs and towards the floo flame on the back wall.

Thank Merlin for study breaks.

[suzannahnatters]

Having shared my RINGS OF POWER s2 eulogy, and while assuring you all that I am also mourning the loss of one of the best things about the show, I would also like to take a moment to defend the decisions being made by the showrunners and writers here.

Before I get started, I just want to acknowledge the members of my writers' group. This post owes much to our discussions. Anyway, when it comes to Adar's death, there are three reasons why I'm not calling his death pointless, or blaming the showrunners for bad writing. The overall reason is this: Adar represents the show's efforts to treat Orcs like people. In this sense, his character was a blazing success. Look at us all, with a hopeless crush on an Orc? Success.

But let's go a bit deeper.

SIMON TOLKIEN'S EXECUTIVE MEDDLING

The fact that Simon Tolkien made an EXCELLENT call in asking the showrunners to keep Adar around for an extra season...still doesn't stop what he did from being executive meddling, or from causing tricky ramifications in the second season. Adar was a first-season antagonist, brilliantly well-written, but ultimately only intended to be a supporting character. The decision to keep him on, suddenly made him more charismatic, more mysterious, and more sympathetic. Given how he'd been set up as a warm-up baddie...season 2 suddenly turned around and made us think he was here to stay. The writers had cornered themselves: on the Tolkien Estate's behest, they had a dark horse who was about to run away with the show. I'm not going to fault them for going ahead with their original plan, because they would have had to retool subsequent seasons massively in order to fit in an Adar redemption arc, and you can't necessarily do that when the whole arc of your story is already planned.

JRR TOLKIEN'S LEGACY

All of us have written things we're not proud of. JRR Tolkien wrote a story world with something problematic hard-baked into the foundations: an entire race of beings for whom genetics determined ethics. Can you even imagine what it must have taken for him to get to the end of a long life spent in the dedicated pursuit of this story world, and to have the courage to admit that he might have been wrong? That really isn't something most authors are capable of. When Peter Jackson went to make LOTR and HOBBIT into movies, he did nothing to scrutinise this issue. His Orcs are flat: monstrous, comic, but never people.

TROP challenged that, and exercised significant skill, care, and wisdom in doing so. But they are still attempting a faithful adaptation of Tolkien's source material. We know where this story is going. Galadriel will end up in Lorien with her elf wifeguy. The Orcs will fall under Sauron's dominion and become his tools, enslaved to his will with the Ring. I did fantasise about Adar being Celeborn, and possibly some of his "children" getting to nope out of Sauron's dominion or even be turned into Elves. But we now know that was never on the table. The Orcs were always meant to fall to the Enemy. But here's the point: for the first time in the history of Tolkien works and adaptations, TROP allowed them the dignity of a fall. Going forward in the show, the Orcs won't be monstrous cannon fodder: they'll be people we knew, people we were pulling for, people whose deaths matter. They are, not a waste, but a tragedy.

TOLKIENIAN TRAGEDY

Look...there's nothing more Tolkienian than a beautiful disaster of a man who dies far too early.

And yes, I know that it's something we've seen before and wish storytellers would move away from - the Moment of Grace that never becomes anything more than a Moment. The villain who has a five minute redemption, then dies conveniently so that the heroes never have to work through the messy business of forgiveness and accountability (although I always did wonder how it would play to see a redeemed Adar, possibly Celeborn, living the rest of his life as a redeemed Uruk among people who hold an undying enmity with his children). It's happened so often that when I, Suzannah Rowntree, sit down to write a six book series where the irredeemable villain has to live and build a new and more accountable life for himself, there's startlingly little template for it, at least in Western media. We live in times that are starved for happy endings and genuine redemption arcs. I wanted so badly for Adar and his "children" to be blessed, and not cursed, by this narrative. So I get the rage. I get the grief.

But tragedy is still a valid art form. Again, all this is a function of the show successfully making the Orcs matter. And the reason the Orcs needed to matter is because they are about to be enslaved to Sauron. They were so close. They genuinely could have been good. Adar could have led them into an alliance with the Elves against their enemy - but instead, just like Celebrimbor, just like Galadriel, they are deceived by him. They turn to him out of fear that their father figure is treating them like cannon fodder, and now they have no one to advocate for them. And that's the tragedy of their situation.

We might all be a little tired of tragedy, but it's still valid, especially insofar as it never, ever forgets to treat its characters like people. Did the writers have to choose tragedy? No. Adar might have lived and undergone a redemption arc.

But the writers didn't have to give Adar a redemption arc, either. Any more than they had to so deeply humanise the Orcs and their father. It's not perfect writing, but it's not bad writing, either. Indeed, for a Tolkien adaptation trying to both honour the author's work and scrutinise his failings, in my opinion it's doing brilliantly.

And...honestly, I'm kind of happy that they left me wanting more, and better, for Adar. Because now I get to write that story myself.

[interstellarsystem]

Waking Up After 10 Years of Dormancy – Identity, Grief, and Change

Long post ahead. This is a recount of my experiences as a headmate who was present in childhood, and then went dormant before waking up again in our 20s. There will be discussion of grief and dormancy in here, and mentions of abuse and headmate death without going into detail.

This is partially for the alterhumanovember / alterhuman writing challenge, and partially to get all of my thoughts out.

I’m Dain, a member of my system that all of the others never knew existed. I was here during childhood, though the exact year I came into existence is unknown, we think I became alive around 2008-2009. I lived alongside others sharing my body for years–maybe even up until 2014-2015. I fell into dormancy around then, and the current system had no idea I ever existed, as when I went to sleep, I took a lot of memories with me.

I don’t remember many of the others I shared time with, just that there was one we considered “the child”, what we would now call the original. I now know there was a switch between the original child and a new headmate, Archie, who isn’t the same person–but I’ll refer to them collectively as “the child” from now on, as my perspective was at the time. 

We–the others in the body–were there, living alongside the child, and I was protecting them along the way. I don’t remember fronting often, moreso… Silently observing, unable to move the body or communicate with them, but still there. Like a background process on a device. If emotions got high enough, I found myself in full control of the body, and I could get us out of whatever situation we had gotten ourselves into. Bullies at school, abusive figures in our lives be it parents or teachers, and other general stress–that was my battle to fight. I was the anger stored up behind the child’s fear, ready to lash out if needed.

As we got older, I started taking control less and less–not because we stopped needing me, but because the child had closed themselves off. They stopped allowing themselves to feel as deeply, and I was triggered into the front a lot less. Nowadays, I’d be aware it wasn’t a conscious choice, and was heavy dissociation, but back then I didn’t know. Some of the others–namely, the Pokemon I also shared the body with–had disappeared since our parents and friends were belittling us for still having “imaginary friends”. The child never spoke of me to anyone though, if they even knew I was there. So I think I only remained a little longer because of that. I’m not sure when I fell into dormancy, or if there was something that triggered it, or simply a gradual slip into sleep.

I woke up, though. At the end of last month, some others in our system had been looking at my source material. Deltora Quest, an anime based on an Australian authors novel–niche, mostly known to those who grew up in the time to watch it air on TV, or had ever picked up the books. We were looking at it again with our partner system, because we remembered it had been a huge special interest of ours as a kid, and had finally gotten around to watching more of it. Something about rekindling the interest woke me, and I was suddenly in the body again.

It, to me, was like I blinked. A foggy memory of being a child, still stressed about school, parents, and whatever else–and then a blink–and then, here. In a body I didn’t recognise, in a house I’d never been in, sharing control of the body with people I had never in my life met before. I still had all those memories of trauma, hurt and fear from before–and they all surfaced at the same time with me. I instantly panicked. After explaining where I was, Xeros, the person in cofront with me, told me that writing out everything coming into my brain could help us all organise and piece it together later. I did what it said, and wrote well over 2000 words before my thoughts slowed down a little bit–enough to actually focus. I called our partner system, calmed down after processing a bit more, and then got into bed to sleep off the residual panic.

It’s definitely taken a long while to come to terms with it. Effectively, I was in a coma for around 10 years, and the whole world moved on without me. I wasn’t in contact with any friends I remembered from before except one–who had changed a lot in the time that passed. I didn’t live where I remembered. Our siblings were so much older, as were our parents. We dropped out of school (though we’d be well past finished it by now). We got diagnosed with a whole bunch of things. We came out as transgender and are essentially completely socially transitioned and looking into HRT–even our parents know. And they know about our system too! Almost everything–if not absolutely everything–I knew before had changed in the blink of an eye. It absolutely shook me, to have my entire world uprooted and rearranged into something I couldn’t recognise as being something I have any part in. 

I felt an intrinsic heartache and felt full-blown grief over a life that, in my own experience, was “lost” through the irreparable change of time. There was no way of going back, no way of gaining back my lost years, and no way of bringing people I was close to back in contact with us or out of internal dormancy aside from sheer chance. We hadn’t died, but I had effectively died for years, and came back to a world that just… Kept moving. I mean, of course it would–the earth doesn’t stop for a single fragmented piece of trauma stored in the recesses of someone's mind. But coming back and not recognising anything or almost anyone around you… It was horrible. The sensation of loss was immense. I felt that I’d “failed” by going dormant, and learning that the child was no longer a part of the system. I felt that my entire purpose had fell through, and I was brought back for… No reason at all.

But… It’s not all bad. Far from it. The child may be gone, but our body isn’t. We’re not doomed to fail at life, as we thought back when I first existed. We’re volunteering and looking into getting an actual job, we have a stable group of friends, a loving partner system, and are on the road to moving out and getting some much needed time away from our home situation. Life isn’t horrible, and while it moved on without me, it moved in ways that were both bad and good. I don’t actually despise being here, even if I might have in the day or so after I woke up. The new group of people I share the body with is supportive, and I’ve already gotten closer to some of them. We’ve made real progress in the time I was gone, even if it all feels uncanny overall. I have a different mindset to what I had when I first woke up–I didn’t fail, I kept us going when we needed it back then. I didn’t give up, and there’s no way of telling where we’d be now if I never was there in the first place. Things are… good.

Though… I’ve got some confusing things within my own identity going on, since I woke up. Before, I was simply a fictive of Dain from Deltora Quest. Nothing much else to it, really. The child’s brain latched onto him as a strong character and implemented me into the system as a protective measure against outside forces. It all makes sense. But now? I feel like since I’ve been back, I’ve become a multifictive. Some part of me now is Tomura Shigaraki from My Hero Academia–something we’ve also been watching through, around the same time we got back into DQ.

It confuses me, in some ways. Makes sense in others. A lot of my mannerisms have changed to be slightly to-the-left of what I was before… Which does happen to lean me more toward acting like him. I questioned it without much deeper thought for a week or so, but found myself saying and doing more and more things that lined up with how he is. I suggested that I was a multifictive to our partner system, and on their second guess (and mind you, their first was a joke guess) of which character I could possibly be, they got it right. I acted enough like him to the point that others could see it, without even any hints. But it’s hard to tell where this came from.

See, I feel like if I wanted to, I could call myself a median subsystem. Others can tell which of my two fictive identities I’m leaning closer to at any given time–my voice, speech patterns and general attitude are instant giveaways. We don’t argue with each other, and the lines between Dain and Shigaraki–if there even are any–are so blurred they’re impossible to define. We can’t talk to each other, and we don’t feel a switch between us. But it’s so obvious that there’s two people, two whole identities, within what I call me. It’s incredibly confusing to think about the possible origin of how I came to be so… Fragmented within myself.

Am I the result of a new headmate that was forming (Shigaraki) getting stuck to whatever remained of the original Dain after he went dormant? Am I the original Dain with a new identity just sort of.. Added onto him? Am I two fully formed headmates put into one as a median entity for some reason? Does it even have a proper explanation that I could come to a concrete conclusion on? Well, no. Like most things that operate within systems, concrete explanations are hard to come by. My origin of why I am who I am now doesn’t matter, in the grand scheme of things, but I still feel the drive to know why I was changed by the time I woke up.

Overall? Life is confusing. Waking up has been a shock, but honestly, I’m glad I did. I’m glad I get to have a second run in this body, with new and kinder people than before to support each other. I’m still working a lot of stuff out, and I’m sure I will be for a long while after this. But… I’m here again, and it’s been a pleasure becoming a part of our new life.