#being sad simultaneously about different things that are actually the same thing

[judedoyle]

This week, at Medium: Abortion, transition, and why the same people (including Kathleen Stock) hate both.

[mammonsrockstargf]

Thinking of Solomon with an MC who’s obsessed with trying to figure out where he was during certain time periods. Asking him about different myths and legends, fully expecting that he was there.

“Hey, Sol, did you ever meet Merlin?” you ask one day while lounging in his room. He looks up from his book. “Merlin’s a myth, MC,” he deadpans and you shrug. “So was hell up until a while ago,” you say and he sighs while putting his book down. “Well, I didn’t know him in person, but-“

Another time you’ll be reading about The Epic of Gilgamesh, but when you ask about it he just stares at you in disbelief. “What?” you’ll ask and he shakes his head. “MC, those are ancient stories. Why would you think I was alive during those times?”

You’ll nod and take a mental note. Sol wasn’t alive in 2700 B.C.

Your favorite though is asking him about other gods. Greek myths, Nordic myths, Egyptian myths. With little to no consideration that some of these things were happening at the same time and Solomon couldn’t possibly be at all these places simultaneously.

If the devil is alive then what stops Zeus or Odin from being as well? Solomon tells you that he doesn’t actually know but that he theorizes that whenever a religion has enough believers it becomes alive. Hence why Greek or Nordic gods haven’t been heard from in a while. You think it’s a simultaneously sad and interesting theory. “Imagine being a god and slowly feeling life slip away with your last believer,” you say one day with your head in his lap. His fingers combing through your hair momentarily stops. When you look up at him, you find him staring off into space with knitted brows. “Do you think we can meet Buddha?” you ask to lighten the mood and the man sighs in exasperation.

You enjoy watching his brain work while he's trying to summon memories. Sometimes you’ll hit a soft spot if you ask about a particularly brutal time period. You quickly realize that he doesn’t like talking about Macbeth or the 1300s. Those times you’ll kiss his face and apologize until the pain is washed away or at least put away for some time.

Living for as long as Solomon has isn’t easy. It’s a lonely existence. It’s hard for you to grasp, the fact that it isn’t just stories, but that he’s actually lived through these events.

One day the air in his room shifts and Solomon finds you glaring at him. He shifts uncomfortably, feeling like an ant under your gaze. “Sooo, what are you thinking about?” he asks, feeling himself grow smaller and smaller. He begins to wonder if you're actually trying to turn him into a bug.

“So, Sol. Where were you during The Second World War?”

a/n: this is a repost from my old blog! find my other stuff here

[tmntxthings]

I watched it 🤭🙌🐢💜❤️💙🧡

so good! so cute!!! spoilers below the cut ↓

soooooo I really really really enjoyed how much effort they put into making them like sad about their circumstances, the reality of it all, being a mutant and wanting to be accepted by humans,

Splinter not being a human to begin with but just a rat and quite frankly traumatized by humans all his life so very distrustful and doesn’t want his sons going through that or getting killed, and what tops the cake is that he actually tried to go out on his own with the tots, only to be instantly turned on, which just solidified the fear! even though he wasn’t just a rat anymore he was still cast out, still shunned!

but the turtles were too young to really remember that so they had endless hope, at least Mikey, Donnie, and Raph, kinda sorta Leo especially when April came onto the scene 🤭

WHICH SPEAKING OF THAT! Idk how I feel, super cute, Leo liking April instantly reminded me so much of 2k12 Donnie maybe a less intense version, all the scenes where romance was implied wasn’t so heavy (maybe slightly cringe) but still had me smiling so I guess I’m for it????? Still need to think on it more, overall my thoughts are : cute ✨ Leo was just being so cute 💀

THE BROTHERS WERE DRAGGING HIM OUT THO, like practically the whole first half of the movie, which is typical for tmnt, but gah damn 😂 it was so apparent when just Donnie, Mikey, and Raph would group up/link up, because Leo would constantly “rat” them out to the rat! Super different vibes from rise!leo for sure, that was kinda switched where Mikey was the one who couldn’t really lie… and it wasn’t about lying per say, just Leo being a pleaser? or a good kid? or wanting to do the right thing??? maybe that’s all the same thing as not wanting to lie 😂

anyhow, my favorite part had to be the very first fight scene the bros go into! Leo springing into action, being the one to propel his brothers into danger all because he wanted to help April (again so cute) get her scooter back! Technically their fault too! Anyhow they were getting whooped but also holding their own simultaneously, and just thinking quickly on their feet and helping each other out, it was all pretty intense and very stressful like where Mikey almost got run over twice 😨 I was like oml someone do SOMETHING!!!!! Thankfully we got big bro Raph, always coming in clutch! But yeah I just really enjoyed the first fight and them coming out on top! And right after being accepted by their first human aka April O’Neil!!!!!!!!! :D

There’s so much more to say, I could quite literally write down everything that happened in words but not gonna go there 💀💀 anyone wanna just gush about the movie?!? What was your favorite part??! What do you guys think about Leo x April???

AND THE SEQUEL WITH SHREDDER 🤩🤩🤩

Do we have a date yet??? Oml so flippin’ excited that we have confirmed more content on the way!!!

Someone, anyone, TALK TO MEEEEEEEE 💞🤗😚

[weebsinstash]

Ya know, I've made posts about the yandere Batfamily before, and I've been thinking lately about one person in particular, and I think I've decided that Alfred is probably the most dangerous and formidable person in that entire house and have been brainstorming what a formidable platonic yandere guardian sorta figure he would be

For one, he's the man that canonically kept THE Batman from going over the edge, basically THE sole reason Bruce Wayne grew into the man he is. Literally, in alternate universes where Bruce never had Alfred, he literally 9 times out of 10 becomes a murdering sociopath. Alfred doesn't just have intelligence, he has EMOTIONAL intelligence

We're talking about the tenured elderly man who is former MI6 and doesn't give a fuck about murder, has killed, and will kill again. Bruce finds someone attacking you, he'll beat them up and cart them off to jail to be arrested and rehabilitated. Alfred will pull a pistol on a robber and shoot him dead before he allows you to get even a single scratch on you, just puts the guy down, "oh dear, I suppose I'll be late making dinner tonight, it seems I'll have to give testimony to Mr Gordon again"

I've seen fics where the sidekicks kidnap Reader or disable them for Bruce's sake, but don't you think Bruce himself would cross that line for Alfred? This man cooks, cleans, does everything for him, is practically a second father and his greatest friend, really kind of RAISED HIM. I just picture Alfred getting attached to Reader like you're practically his grandchild and then you return to your normal life, move out after staying them for a period of time or whatever, and Bruce can tell Alfred is... out of sorts, a little sad frown on his old withered face as he absent-mindedly sweeps the same corner of the same room for an hour, sighing, thinking about how he wanted to teach you all sorts of things, but, you're just gone now. Siiiiiiiiigh. And Bruce can't stand seeing Alfred like, actually depressed, even making mistakes he doesn't usually make, dropping things, lacking his usual playful sarcastic wit, just kind of a shell of his former self. You don't think you'd be getting an extra super special Uber ride in the Batmobile from the Dark Knight himself after that?

But I also think Alfred would be capable of really putting his foot down. He once told a disrespectful Damian he should be thankful Alfred wasn't his father in a very "because I'd actually discipline you" coded sort of way, and, say Reader grew up without a dad, or any parents and maybe has some traumas and potential behavioral issues from that. I could see Alfred being the kindest, sweetest, most patient grandpa, teaching you how to bake, keeping you company in the library, teaching you all kinds of things, and then the second you do things like start getting drunk, acting out, THROWING things, then he's putting his foot down, "now you listen HERE! Your behavior is absolutely unacceptable and you will not be allowed to degrade yourself within the walls of this home!" and manages to simultaneously scold you without putting you down, leaving you in ashamed embarrassed tears over your behavior that you're standing there crying, and he pulls you to take a seat in a nice chair and starts combing your hair and telling you he just wants best for you while you're bawling for his forgiveness, and he tells you he's already forgiven you and that he can run you a nice bath before bed

I can see a captive Reader scenario where you manage to break out of the house while everyone else is gone and you think, oh, you're home free! Batman and everyone else is busy! Lost in your own hubris as if Alfred doesn't have perfect knowledge of everything in the Batcave including the equipment and vehicles. You're in an alley cornered by a bunch of drunks who just want to beat the shit out of someone and suddenly, is that Batman? Wait, the costume is different, and the height, and, the body shape, and, and, and it doesn't even matter because Alfred can still lay all of them flat, blood on his knuckles as he wearily regards you, "you're not going to make a tired old man have to carry you to the car, are you?" and after what you just saw, you know better than to put up resistance

But like I can't get over the idea of, Reader staying at the Wayne residence for a limited period of time, you're injured and Bruce is offering you safe harbor, you're being targeted by a specific criminal group and need protection until the thugs are caught, something along those lines, and, one day, when everything is better, you just. Leave unexpectedly. They had already offered you a permanant place in the house but you still seem to be falling into a depression until one day you're straight up gone, only leaving a note that Alfred is the one to find, only 3 word, "Thank you. Sorry." and hr suddenly??? Can't think straight??? You're gone??? Why??? Why didn't you tell them?? Are you hurt?? Did they do something wrong??? How is he supposed to know if you're sad or if you're hungry or if you're in DANGER if he doesn't know where you are and what you're doing at all possible hours?

Just visualizing the idea of Bruce coming home one day and you're suddenly in the house again and you're seeming very much distressed but Alfred is looking fit as a fiddle again and it is very extremely incredibly obvious to Bruce that Alfred straight up brought you back against your will. But. He doesn't care because he agrees with Alfred that OBVIOUSLY since you're a member of the FAMILY NOW that OF COURSE you have to stay in the house

Can you imagine yandere Alfred but Bruce and everyone else is just, totally normal and just hardcore mega coping with Alfred's sudden change in behavior and occasional questionable actions. One day Alfred is dusting and without turning around, "Master Bruce, would you care to fetch my granddaughter for me while i finish this room?" and Bruce is just like "granddaughter????" And Alfred looks to him like he just said something BEYOND stupid, "Yes, my granddaughter, about ye high, awfully broody much like yourself, currently housed in the spare second floor bedroom at the end of the hall on the right? You act as if she didnt help bake that casserole you and the boys absolutely devoured last night"

Nightwing going down into the Batcave for like actual mission stuff and Alfred is already using the Batcomputer to monitor all your online internet use. What's that, some young man is trying to slide into your DMs? O-oh no, there was, uh, suddenly a glitch and he received a threatening message with no traceable source that told him to stay the bloody hell away from you! Whoops!

You're just his captive little grandchild who he helps teach recipes to and teaching you anything you're curious about. You make an offhanded comment one day that you would've loved to learn to play piano "but I'm too old now/it's too late now/I probably wouldn't be any good at it" and later on, after Alfred has brought you back after trying to live alone again (you being drugged if need be), and when you wake up he's all smiles, telling you about all the new structure he's about to introduce to your life, and, of course, you have to pick a day of the week for your new (now mandatory) piano lessons :) on Mondays you'll go for walks and have tea in the garden, Tuesdays you'll read in the library, on Wednesdays you'll learn piano, on Thursday he'll teach you a new recipe every week, Friday--- this old man is gonna force you to be productive and happy is all I'm gonna say

[eerna]

okay wait actually now that we're on the book-series-strengths-and-shortcomings-train what do you love most about tlt and tlc? (multiple answers bonus)

HOHO A COMBO

TLC: 1) Friendship not being secondary to romance!! The series' main theme is love. In the grand finale the big bad taunts the MC about love... but she doesn't use her boyfriend, no, she uses her best friend. This is made even more powerful because by all means, the best friend was meant to be the secondary love interest by all rules of 2012 YA, but NO he is JUST A FRIEND and it is not treated as "something less". 2) Team building!!!! Oh my god!!!! Building onto point 1, but it needs its own point. Rarely does a fictional team of main characters feel as natural as the Rampion Crew. This is even more impressive because the 9 of them don't appear in the same room until the end of the series. Even though the team consists of 4 couples and 1 single, everyone has a dynamic with everyone, they have arcs that aren't tied exclusively to their partner but also someone else on the team, they interact with each other freely. 3) The wide range of characters! I am a sucker for a "team of girls totally different from each other saves the world" setup, and TLC does it perfectly. I think this is one of the best YA series out there because of how much it empowers different kinds of girls. The guys are also easy to tell apart even at first read, and I sooo appreciate that at least one of them isn't conventionally attractive (anymore). 4) It's so funny. I love these books and how funny they are. They hit the perfect balance between a fun teen adventure and a heartfelt emotional story. 5) This is one of the least "Here's what REALLY happened" series I've read. A bunch of times major things influence characters' thoughts and opinions, but those things are fake and never revealed as fake, OR the characters never learn some big things that could change their opinions at all. Seeing how impacted Winter was when she realized Levana truly loved her father, when I KNOW what really happened, always shakes me to my core - and Winter never learns the truth!!! Everyone who could explain what really happened is dead!! Winter will forever go on thinking at least her father had a marriage of love!!! And why should she learn the truth, really, it would only serve as yet another sad plot twist that traumatizes her even deeper. 6) Levana. I am not usually a villain girlie, but Levana absolutely slaps. She is simultaneously disgusting, horrible, and pitiful. Usually if I like the villain it's because he has something smart to say, but Levana doesn't, I can't relate to her or see things from her perspective... But the leads can! Levana seems to carry all the trauma and complexes of our leads, but she crumbled under them, showing Cinder what she might have become if not for her loved ones.

TLT: 1) Isn't afraid of people not getting it!! Do you understand how refreshing this is to see in a mainstream popular series??? The book doesn't act like you are an idiot, it acts like you are some sort of a genius, and you feel illiterate until you realize NO ONE got it the first time around and you're gonna have to do lots of rereading and thinking to get it. This makes it impossible to get into for some people, but so what. So what!!! What matters is that it rewards those who stay and put in the work!! 2) Absolutely bonkers insane relationships. No one can be "just a friend" in these, we need 1000 different layers of trauma and tenderness surrounding everyone. 3) Pathetic women. These books are the epitome of all the worst parts of yourself laid bare. These characters act out the most shameful, horrible memories and impulses of your heart, all the while spouting poetics about the entire situation. And it is pure catharsis!! It is so rare to see female characters depicted this pathetic without it being torture porn. 4) Writing style. It's the perfect example of how realism doesn't matter if you're good with your words. No one in these books talks like a real life person, but they are all distinct from each other and filled with personality. Every book has several lines that have the power to reduce me a to a sobbing mess just from hearing them. Just. The writing style is so good that I even enjoy reading INTERVIEWS with the author, she has a way of speaking that keeps you engaged and makes her sound so smart. 5) Each book is its own thing, keeping you on your toes, but they all still feel cohesive. It also means that even if the final book sucks, I won't have any hangups about it, since I will just be able to reread the first 3. Honestly even if AtN never comes out, I won't feel like I wasted any time, because the books are so fantastic and so worth reading that the end of the journey doesn't even matter to me that much - and if you've been here a while, you'll know what a radical statement that is for me. It is so nice to relax and enjoy the ride instead of stressing over my thoughts and opinions aging badly.

[goldenavenger02]

Prompt: the rest of the ninja finding out about Cole and Geo's relationship. Fluff.

It is a LITTLE angsty. Just a little. I hope you enjoy

When Cole arrived in the courtyard with no warning, Kai wasn’t sure he had ever run faster.

Well, he was sure that he had run faster in stressful situations, but he hadn’t hugged Cole in so long; he was just glad that it felt the same, it felt warm and strong and safe. 

He didn’t want to let go, it had been years since he had seen him but he also knew that the same was true of Lloyd and Zane so he found himself letting go just a few moments later to let everyone else get their fill of hugs in.

Even Wyldfyre, who acted like a feral being towards everyone new and old, was even interested in Cole’s arrival to the point of asking multiple questions about the place Nya had said that she found him, The Land of Lost Things.

Kai didn’t miss the solemn, almost sad look on his face as he spoke about where he had ended up after The Merge. A look he hadn’t seen in years, not since Shintaro.

But the look faded when the subject was changed to Lloyd explaining how the Mergequakes were stopped and everything returned to the happy, bubbly energy that had filled the monastery since Kai had returned.

And as Cole came into his room hours later and laid on the mostly clean floor, Kai was baffled by how everything felt so close to normal, to how it had been after they had defeated the Crystal King.

All that was missing was Jay lounging in the bean bag chair in the corner and playing some sort of Sonic game, only responding to every third sentence and being thoroughly confused when they laughed at his lack of context.

“Has Lloyd started acting as stuffy as Master Wu yet?”

“Nah. He tried to keep the whole monastery in order and broke a bunch of plates in the process.”

“Anger issues?”

“Nah, they fell out of the sink,” Cole’s laugh was infectious and filled Kai’s chest to the point where it hurt long after it faded into giggles that punctured his next sentence, “he’s doing his best, but he’s still Lloyd.”

“That’s good, I think,” Cole mused before sitting up and looking directly into Kai’s eyes, “do you still make edibles and hide them under your bed?”

“Even if I did,” Kai started, smiling as the famous incident of everyone taking his brownies that were just meant for when the long nights got too long and resulting in him simultaneously getting banned from the kitchen unless there was his mother’s or one of Zane’s cookbooks involved came to mind, “there’s that dragon, Riyu. He’ll eat them and either be high off of his ass or vomit on my bed.”

“He’s eaten your edibles before?”

“He’s eaten so many things that he shouldn’t and for some reason, my bed has to be where he gets rid of it,” Kai corrected before laying back down, “do you still have that bottle of fireball in your room?”

“That shit has to be rancid by now, it was opened before the Merge,” Cole shook his head, also laying back down and staring at the ceiling, “I suppose I could always go and get more tomorrow though.”

“We’re a bit old to hide edibles and alcohol in our rooms, I think. Lloyd’s even old enough to drink now.”

“Remind me to take the kid to a bar and make sure he’s not taking straight shots of vodka.”

“Noted.” Kai agreed, even if the idea of Lloyd drinking forced him to slip into the protective role he was so used to when it came to the green ninja.

“Besides, even if Lloyd’s old enough to drink, Sora, Arin and the feral one, they’re still kids. Not to mention the dragon who pukes in your bed.”

“Her name is Wyldfyre, and that was actually way different for her, since she’s usually trying to light things on fire or prove she’s the best. She was raised by a dragon, manners aren’t exactly her thing.”

“She sounds a lot like you.”

“I wasn’t raised by a dragon.”

“No, you were raised by yourself, which might be worse.”

Kai threw a pillow at Cole’s face; the pillow he threw back knocked him onto the floor tailbone first.

“Ouch.”

“You good?”

“Yep, just a sore ass,” Kai confirmed as he maneuvered onto his back and laid next to Cole, the sounds of their breathing filling the silence, “Nya told us when she got back, about the Finders.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, the Formling and the Hypnobri kids, and the Munce and the Skulkin who are our age,” Kai could have sworn that he saw a blush spread across Cole’s face at the mention of the Munce, “do you wanna tell me about them?”

“Fritz, the Formling, reminds me a lot of Lloyd when he was a kid. Adventurous, kind and pokes his nose where it doesn’t belong. Spitz is much more reserved and shy, but loves playing with Fritz and gets himself into trouble a lot because of it. Bonzal…well, I’ve known her for years, but she isn’t very forthcoming. She’s got a great sense of humor though, crochets a lot of blankets and also collects bones.”

“Why?”

“Whenever you ask, she just says they’re extremely useful; but, she wouldn’t hurt a fly so I’m not worried about it.”

“Okay,” Kai nodded while trying to get back on topic, but when he asked “what about the Munce?” he was able to guess why Cole’s cheeks flushed at the mention even before he started speaking.

“Geo. He’s the elemental master of fusion, he turns lost things into these large art sculptures. He’s good with the boys, he makes sure that they’re always taken care of, no matter what. He’s the only one who can get Bonzal to say more than a few sentences. He’s so caring, and funny and…he might be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”

“He sounds great,” Kai agreed with a nod before asking, “so, why didn’t you bring them with you? Because the monastery is big-”

“It wasn’t a space issue. First Master, I wish it was a space issue,” Cole’s voice filling with tears made Kai’s heart pang with regret, “whenever they tried to leave, this fog would engulf them and lead them back. They had been forgotten for so long that they couldn’t leave. I only left because I thought I heard Master Wu…but it just led me here.”

Kai reached over and pulled Cole into a hug; he had needed the hug when he finally returned, but given how he tucked his head against his shoulder, he knew that it was Cole who needed a hug now.

They stayed like that until Cole finally spoke again, the sobs evident in his voice as he kept his face pressed against Kai’s shoulder.

“I…I miss them so much.”

“Hey,” Kai finally spoke and cupped a hand around Cole’s face to brush a few tears off of his cheeks, “we found Nya, we found Zane and we found you. We’ll get the others out of there and we’ll find Jay, PIXAL and Master Wu.”

“I know,” Cole agreed, taking in a shuddering breath while wiping his face on his sleeve, “it’s just really gonna suck until we do.”

[tvlandofficiall]

fav princess? i like witch, but tower is also up there :3

very mild spoilers inbound – though i've tried to keep things mostly light this time around. (also, to one of you, i say in the voice of someone who knows you already know the answer to this –) my top three princesses (because all of them are my favorites, i can't pick one i don't like at least a good amount);

starting us off, the nightmare is fun to me on SO many levels. her aesthetic is very much adjacent to mine (very "gender envy" as they say) – the long gloves, the mask with the painted-on makeup, the dress that's evolved into a slightly more ballgown-like silhouette. she's also just extremely charming as a character, teasing the protag while simultaneously being enough of a force to break their mind entirely if she gets near. she also reminds me of a lot of those old slightly eerie cartoons that you see on tv at night as a kid, and i think her brand of horror is very adjacent to that as well. fun, playful, and a little bit sad – but most certainly one of the more horror-aligned princesses, all the same.

the thorn is one of the first routes i saw and has certainly stuck with me since. nothing beats the feeling of jokingly suggesting we try to get our character to smooch the princess and then realizing, hey, wait a second – we can actually do this. besides that, though, this route was just so good both thematically and narratively. the betrayal, the tension, the way the moment of seeing her with the blade is built up to – it's all really, really good, and works very well to inform the love story part of this story. escape the cabin together! choose to trust each other! break the cycle of betrayal and violence! get taken away by the mysterious hands! hey, what was that about the hands –

and speaking of routes that work really well to inform the love story part of this story – the adversary. what is there to say about the adversary? i could write a whole post about her route alone, not only because of the story of the game itself, but also because there's just so much going on with her. this route has not only so many different ways it can play out, but many of those ways are hidden within seemingly innocuous dialogue choices, and a lot of them provide very interesting new lenses on exactly what's happening in the game. it's one of those routes i almost don't want to go too much into here, just because it's something where playing over and over with friends to try and see what you can get out of it really enriches the experience. i suppose it's fitting for her – getting back up and facing her again and again, to be able to see something new and thrilling. don't hold back. see what you can really do.

[fandom-flight]

I'm about halfway through Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint,and I'm really impressed with how it practically bleeds with themes of storytelling and our relationship with stories as humans. There's the obvious stuff, like how the main character's whole shtick is being a reader with "bookmark" and "fourth wall" abilities, but as of about chapter like 240, I've never stopped tangibly feeling how much ORV seems to want to explore the concept of stories (and not just in the sense of the novel's world where stories are like a kind of power, though that is kind of part of it). I ended up having a lot of roving thoughts, so more under the cut

Specifically what I mean by this is that almost every aspect of the world building and the plot has some kind of commentary on how people relate to stories. The constellations, for example, are very clearly kind of meant to be audience stand ins, especially in the beginning. They're watching the stories of our main characters on stream much the same way that we the readers are watching the story of ORV on our devices in the real world, and oftentimes their reactions to the events mimic our reactions from the outside– they cringe when characters do embarrassing things, they ship characters with chemistry, they hold their breath when things gets tense, and feel genuinely sad and heartbroken when bad things happen to the characters in their show. It's through their financial support that some of these stories can continue to be told, kind of the same way that fans' monetary contributions to artists enables their art to continue being made. Kim Dokja even calls out how the tables have turned early on in the series, that he used to be the one watching them through a screen, and now the situation is totally reversed. The constellations also kind of mimic the negative effect that the audience can have on art– sometimes artists have to bend to the will of their supporters even when it goes against their desired direction for their own art because that's what pulls in the money, and the way that incarnations and dokkaebi have to listen to the will of their sponsors feels like a very on the nose parallel for this. ORV sets up both the constellations and Kim Dokja as content consumers who have a love of stories in common in order to make a statement about how loving stories is universal, while simultaneously laying groundwork to make statements about the line between reader and narrative. Another thing that Kim Dokja has in common with the constellations is that both he and they are increasingly brought to the boundary of the fourth wall as the series progresses. In the same way Kim Dokja starts to realize that he IS part of the story now, and that the people he previously just saw as characters are actually real human beings that he has emotional attachments to, the constellations also start becoming characters who appear in the story and impact it directly, rather than being detached observers. This process of becoming a part of the story after being emotionally invested in it is naturally not something that literally happens to people in real life, but readers wanting to insert themselves into a narrative they love is something very human. I mean, fanfiction is incredibly popular because a lot of us humans can't just leave media that we love alone, we keep thinking about it, we want to expand on it, change it, and sometimes even insert ourselves into it. Historically, myths have had many different versions circulate over time, with some cultures borrowing figures from others and literary giants creating characters of their own (or even versions of themselves *cough Dante cough*) to insert into these legends.

In addition to the very human desire to become a part of the stories we love, ORV also calls out how humans are are kind of enamored with certain themes, and that we show this by having these themes appear in various legends the world over. Realms of death, myths of resurrection, tales of slaying supernatural evils, all of these things are shown to be so universal that constellations sometimes have copyright disputes over them. The fact that the constellations that appear in ORV are so varied is another place where ORV proves to be a love letter to storytelling. The author has such a diverse collection of gods and historical figures that I can't help but see their love for stories as something so strong that it transcended culture and nationality. Furthermore, the fact that constellations obtain their status from how widespread their stories are feeds into the theme of people being stories, which is another interesting angle to look at the relationship between people and stories. ORV has characters literally say "people are stories" out loud, and Han Sooyoung references the philosophy that people only truly die when they've been forgotten, but there isn't a single second where I really stop feeling like this holds true for everyone in the book (and not just because souls being stories and people needing stories to live ends up being part of the worldbuilding). The idea is that our stories give us value, both intrisinsically and extrinsically. ORV represents this literally, as the notoriety of a story actually makes people stronger, and also stories can be used as currency or food to some people. Even on a scale lower than the constellations, the reputations of characters and the rumors of their incredible deeds can increase their value to outsiders, the same way that a person's reputation in the real world can affect their job prospects and social connections (this is a little more obvious and would happen in any story, but I think that the mythologizing of the ORV characters in their own universe is meant to exemplify the effect of a person's stories on their perceived value).

The theme of people being stories also extends to a related but still separate (I think) theme of everyone being the protagonist of their own story. Kim Dokja begins ORV by talking about how much Yoo Sangah feels like a protagonist. She has all the qualities that a main character should have, and Kim Dokja feels like he could never match that, despite the fact that he clearly wants to be a protagonist really badly. He wants to be cool, special, and confident, but it's not until the scenarios start and he starts being able to use skills in a way unique to him that he starts realizing that maybe he can be a protagonist too. And again, this is a theme that ORV just constantly exudes– Kim Dokja often explicitly talks about how everyone is living their own life and being their own person. When he sees Yoo Sangah and Lee Hyunsung for the first time after the intermediate dokkaebi Paul separates them following the golden thrones destruction, he's impressed by their growth while he wasn't looking, and we the audience are reminded that these people learn and progress as the center of their own world. When Kim Dokja is separated from his friends after the Dark Castle arc and hears what they've been up to, he muses about how, even without him, the world continues to turn, scenarios continue to run, and people continue to live. It very much helps that the author of ORV gives every side character a vibrant and memorable personality so that we can better empathize with them as their own people with their own lives, even though they might not get as much screentime. Characters who we do not think to care much about are shown to have significant development while the main character isn't with them. Kim Namwoon matures into a calmer, happier person in the Underworld long after I forgot he existed. Han Myungoh went from bring an insufferable nepotism baby to being a determined and loving father who is willing to be an ally. The author constantly reminds us that Kim Dokja isn't the only one in this world who is a protagonist with a story worth telling, and in a way, it kind of feels like they're also telling the readers that, not only are we the main characters of our lives, but we also can never forget that the people around us are protagonists of their stories as well.

In short, ORV uses just about every character and storyline to convey that humans may love to consume the stories of others, but we can't forget that we're also writing our own stories by living them. Humans are made up of the stories they love, the ones they write themselves, and the ones they put a part of themselves into, and I just get the sense that the author has a lot of feelings about stories and how important they are to us as a species in every sentence they write. I'm definitely curious to see how the story ends because I can't imagine how the author will conclude the series when making a statement about this theme seems so important, but anything that would be a satisfying conclusion to the story would really be counterproductive to making that statement. As a reader, I want a definitive "and they lived happily ever after after solving the story's problems," but since the author actually has Kim Dokja muse on how "he never felt satisfied by 'and they lived happily ever after'," I kind of can't imagine that that's how this series will end? Because it doesn't sound like the author was ever completely satisfied with those endings either. But I also don't think ORV is meant to be a tragedy, so I'm excited to see where things go!

[hootiee]

how different are the anime and manga? are there certain things you like about one more than the other?

very different, like night and day. i'll leave season 2 (kyoto saga) aside and just talk about season 1, since the movie is a side/non-canon story (i really love it tho) and season 2 is like 90% canon (minus the last episode with that scene where rin & yukio talked. in the manga it was a whole mini arc with them talking to eachother amidst a fight with high tension, rather than them just chilling by a river lmao)

the most apparent scene that was different from the anime & manga was the first chapter/episode 1-2, where shiro died. the anime made it into a pretty fascinating & exciting intro to the series, with rin getting hired as a grocery store clerk, and ending with a battle against demons coming after him. where the manga, while still at its core having the same important moments (rin looking for a job, having delinquents jump him, and shiro getting possessed), it was really just a sad scene with no one except himself, shiro & satan bearing witness to the events of that night. out of fear he caused his father's possession/death, he never speaks about it to anyone. so no one really knows how that night unfolded. unlike the anime having the priests see everything (kinda awkwardly) and then later yukio showing up.

the manga really expands upon & fleshes out the characters, whereas the anime (s1) really.. flanderizes them. i think yukio is the most painful example, he is very much not the irrational "all demons are evil" kinda guy, hes truly just a kid indoctrinated into the exorcists mindset since he was 7, but the anime never really showed how nuanced and deep he is, so he became a punching bag for people to easily/mindlessly hate. also, he is NOT a half demon like rin. he's fully human just with some..Peculiarities lol (iykyk)

anyways, blue exorcist truly shines as a slow burn story, we are 145 chapters in (with the next chapter being just a few days away) and have only just now touched upon the aspects that the final parts of season 1 showed. but it is completely different, in almost every aspect. yet you can still see the resemblances to the anime, i wont get too into it for spoilers, but yk the scene with rin's sword breaks? in the anime they repaired it & everything was fine again. but in the manga, rin permanently changes from it abruptly being broken. for better and worse. afterwards, it becomes a whole underlying character arc.

season 1 was like the story's blueprint, its building blocks in a sense. the manga is truly where it shines, letting the characters grow and each have their own moments & developments before things get really heated within it's world.

it also divulges into the lore in almost a philosophical level: what really are demons & humans, are they truly so different from eachother? with rin being the focus of this question as people say he is Both human and demon and yet simultaneously being Neither at the same time.

the world building becomes expanded upon, by leaps and bounds. we see how the order/exorcists really operate. we find out What demons truly are, and their real reasons to be against humans. we find out what really happened during the blue night and what lead up to that. the world feels more open & wide, and everything feels so intertwined.

it also touches upon some VERY dark and heavy subjects, becoming more and more dark as it progresses. from mental illness, trauma & generational trauma to war, suicide, human experiments & corrupt organizations. and yet despite this darkness it still sends a good message that despite things being bad, its still worth it to keep living. and the author just knows the perfect moments to grab people by their heartstrings with it.

s1 is not Bad per-se, sometimes im harsh on it due to me personally being obsessed with the manga's canon. it does have its cute filler scenes (i actually love that rin got a grocery job in episode 1) and its pretty enjoyable as a cute fluffy feel-good anime. i first watched the anime+movie as a kid in 2015 and loved it, but it felt like it had far more potential. which is where the manga DELIVERED, by leaps and bounds.

however, now that the anime is focused on adapting it faithfully, this will change within the future. especially once get more canon episodes compared to the vast amount of manga content lol. but until then, i suggest to check out the manga 🫡

TL;DR: this is the anime vs the manga (in a good way LOL)

[spiritualitygeek]

I Don't Know Who Needs To Read This But-

At this point I'm literally so annoyed about the misconceptions the LOA/LOAss communities and people have in general about "manifestation."

I mean, I'm sorry not sorry if I sound rude or blunt on this one. But it pushes me to the edge to see literally everyone around me, including myself feeling guilty and insecure and what not about wanting/ desiring something.

Like, despite having read so many books about the concept and having understood the fact that "Creation is finished," as Neville Goddard quoted. And that "There's multiple versions of each of us in multiple realities," as explained by Frederick E Dodson in his book Parallel Universes of Self, I still suffer from the feelings of insecurity and guilty, time and time again.

And not just me, I've seen many, even on YouTube, Tumblr, etc, stuck in the same worries and doubts. Whether it's about wanting something or someone in our lives. Specially when it's a "big deal" that seem practically impossible.

I simply don't understand why we humans are so fixated on being practical and staying grounded, fearing that we might lose our sense of reality? That we might go insane.

Influenced by these fears we accept things we don't truly deserve. And it's pathetic because we aren't ready to do even the bare minimum for the things we actually do deserve.

It's sad that just to feel secure and avoid losing our minds, we conform to a life that isn't what we truly want, all the while ignoring the fact that the life we desire exists in another reality. And it's not mere wishful thinking and woodoo stuff.

If it wasn't attainable, it wouldn't have been on your mind to begin with.

So many quantum physicists, Metaphysicians, are they probably dumb? And are we, ignorant humans very smart?

Why? Why it's so hard to accept that there's nothing wrong with wanting what the version of ourselves has in that different reality. It's all about our own damn conciousness. We can literally shift into that reality the moment we gain this clarity and stick to it.

So many coaches and metaphysicians kept repeating. And it still can't be stressed enough that "Manifestation isn't about creating something new or manipulating circumstances to attract things. No! There are countless versions of each of us, existing simultaneously in numerous different realities. Manifestation is about aligning ourselves with the version of us that already possesses what we want. We aren't attracting or creating anything externally. There's literally nothing and no one to change but self."

The key is to manipulate yourself. Command yourself. Control yourself. Keep repeating to yourself. You don't need to change a thing out there, you simply need to convince yourself of the simple truth. Because that's exactly how things work.

Once you start to see it like that, you'll see why there's literally no need to feel guilty or insecure about wanting things for yourself. You're not a bad person to want love or to want happiness. It doesn't harm anyone as long as your intentions aren't meant to hurt others physically or mentally. And rest assured, for people who mean harm for others, Law of Karma exists.

But for others of us, who want love, money, happiness and joy in life, you're not doing anything wrong! Because again, I can't stress this enough!! There's already a reality where you do have it all. You just need to align yourself with that version of you. It's not about manipulation or attraction; it's about embracing a reality, a version of you, that's already there. Just shift your focus away from what you're seeing with your naked eyes and dare to see with your third eye that sees beyond physical realities, aka "imagination."

[lottiecrabie]

crabie do you have any advice on writing dialogue? i beg you please 😔🙏🏼

this one is a bit trickier for me to give advice on as dialogue is the part of writing that has always come easiest and most instinctively to me. but i will try for you bae😔🙏

i’d say a good technique to make the dialogues interesting is to cut off the boring bits. you don’t need to have characters greet each other or say goodbye, or talk about minute things unimportant to the plot, or all the other small talk we usually have. that’s not interesting to read and doesn’t serve your purpose: cut it out. especially end of scenes. they should be ended on a punch, on their strongest part, on the message you want your reader to leave the scene with, to really feel satisfied. most of the time, that’s not after two characters have wished each other a good day and said goodbye— it’s in the middle of a conversation. (in pfms3 when reader smokes with matty, for example, the scene stops when she says something something ‘i said i was disgusting. or at least i could be.’ there’s no point in continuing after that; the message has been made, and though we understand that they close up the conversation afterwards, it would be unnecessary and, again, boring to read it.)

i also like imitating the incertain pattern people realistically talk in. it’s a great way to convey the emotion your character is feeling; if it’s a complex thought to explain, making them repeat themselves or put breaks in their speech shows the character is thinking and searching their words as they speak, making it a lot more real to the reader. (in galatea, for example, she says ‘he was good, but he just— he didn’t think anyone understood him, you know?’ that little hesitation, her restarting a sentence, makes us believe she’s actually thinking at the same time.) obviously, that technique can be used to show many emotions, like frustration or anger or sadness.

adding other speech patterns, for example using a lot of ‘like, this and, like’ for a character will work on its characterization and give it more depth. i find that characters you can differentiate because they all have their own unique voice is something, though pretty difficult and demanding of artful work, absolutely insane and makes the reading better. (i don’t even think i do that. but let me not critique my own work on this writing advice ask.)

you have to understand that dialogue needs rhythm and, since it’s not being literally spoken and therefore given naturally, you shape it with the prose you write around it. if you’re having a bantery moment or a quick, rapid argument, the dialogue needs to be sharp, to the point, and follow one after the other. in that case, you try to add the less amount of action or prose so people read the dialogue faster and get that feeling. if the moment is slower, if they’re thinking, that’s when you can add inner monologue and prose around it. if you are describing an action but want the dialogue to flow with it, you need to put them in the same paragraph, which gives the reader the understanding it is simultaneously happening. if you want to add meaningfulness to a moment or a dialogue, like a camera zooming in on a face and lingering, you need to describe that moment in more details and, subsequently, give a break to the dialogue. after having only paragraphs with dialogue, having one without give us pause. similarly, if you want to build suspense around an answer, breaking the dialogue with action paragraphs builds tension within the reader, sort of like edging.

in general, it’s important to have breaks. even within a monologue, i think it should be almost always cut in different parts. first because it makes it easier for the reader to follow, but also because it is more interesting if they are doing something. think of actors not saying a monologue on the same note, varying the emotions is what makes it interesting. it’s the same literarily; making it multiple paragraphs, adding insight on what they are thinking or how they are delivering this line, are all things that will make the reader more invested.

adding breaks within a single line is also an interesting technique. think of how much dynamic ‘“Just,” you gesture vaguely, groaning in distaste. “An artist.”’ sounds compared to ‘“Just an artist,” you gesture vaguely, groaning in distaste.’ you can feel how she’s saying artist just by it being separated from the word just. or if you want to add emphasis on the last line of a pretty long dialogue, cutting it with a sentence as simple as ‘you laugh bitterly, shaking your head.’ will put emphasis on the solitary line.

rhythm is something you will probably develop the more and more you write. i think most writers do it instinctively; they don’t question why breaking a dialogue up makes it sound better, they just do it. with time, you’ll probably get there on your own. hopefully this helps still!

[kierongillen]

Given that you're working with RRD on the Die RPG, can you and Grant somehow be persuaded/bribed to make "Honey Heist: the comic" happen? I mean, I'd back the Kickstarter for that one.

Much more seriously (although I probably would back that Kickstarter), any particular thoughts about RPG adaptations of stories and story/comic adaptations of RPGs? It occurs to me that you've done this in both directions, and I can't think of anyone else who has.

Joking aside, I'd love to see RRD do comics. There's some great universes there which would work great in comics

This could go on much longer, I suspect, but I'm going to try and keep it simple.

Comic adaptations of RPGs

There's a key thing here - most comic adaptations of an RPG isn't an adaptation of an RPG. It's an adaptation of the game world where the story is set. This is a significantly different thing.

Exceptions are telling, in that they lean a lot more into the explicit conventions of RPGs, to play with, parody or critique. These are rarely actually direct adaptations of a world. People don't read a D&D comic to have characters keep on having short rests to get their hit points back, or whatever.

In reality, comic adaptations of RPGs are less like an adaption, and more like a tone piece - like the pieces of fiction in an RPG manual. They're about what the game is trying to evoke (and sometimes not even then, right?)

RPG adaptations of comics

I'd note that DIE isn't actually an adaptation of DIE the comic. They were developed simultaneously together, with elements appearing first in one or the other, and being ported back over. They're both me trying to execute an idea in the ways which best suit each medium.

Classically, most RPG conversions of comics is basically the same as any piece of fiction. The only real difference to converting a comic to a novel is that you've got a bunch more free art to use in your manual with a comic, which saves money.

I'd say the best RPG conversions are those which understand the art they're converting and create a game which allows players to experience their version of that. This doesn't mean they're the best game (though they may be) but they understand what is interesting about the fiction they're converting. More commonly (though perhaps less so now) is basically just taking the fiction and lobbing it all into whatever RPG world you have.

Compare and contrast MERPS from teh 1980s and The One Ring from the 2010. MERPS is a cut down version of Rolemaster, and while it has a bunch of tolkein detail, it doesn't ever really feel anything like Middle-Earth. It's just an RPG set in Middle Earth. Conversely, The One Ring is all about walking and feeling sad because you're walking, and having your hope and despair score go up. It understands and shows the understanding of middle-earth in a way which MERPS simply didn't.

People often talk about Powered by the Apocalypse games as Genre Emulation (which isn't 100% necessarily true - it can be, but that's a goal a designer may have). In PBTA you dig down to the fiction and work out what elements need to be mechanised for it to feel like the fiction they're representing. I think that's true of any game adaptation - it involves looking, thinking and working out how you can put that magic in a bottle.

TL:DR: I did not keep it simple.

[munchbuddi]

i wanna gush about all the lil things I really enjoy from the new Scott Pilgrim anime, but I will wait to talk about specifics because I know it just came out, but it's really good.

I think, ESPECIALLY if you are a person who enjoyed the Scott Pilgrim comic/movie in your youth, you with find a lot to enjoy in the new anime, and maybe feel a lil bit of closure for some of the characters who didn't get enough screentime in the original versions.

although, I will maintain the idea that the original comics are SUPER FREQUENTLY given a bad rep by people who read it and can't fathom the idea that writing a story about a flawed character is not an endorsement of their behavior. The Scott Pilgrim comics are a coming of age story starring 20-somethings who refused to grow up after high school. They are in their 20's, but are still really immature and that the POINT. It's not a story about mature people, and I think it generally does a good job showing that even these fuckups can get their shit together. It's a story about getting your shit together. It ends with Scott getting his shit together, and realizing he was the fuckup! How more blatantly can the comic acknowledge that Scott Pilgrim wasn't READY to date Ramona, because he was the same type of immature as the guys in the League of Evil Exes!

Please acknowledge the intent of the piece, instead of going "umm, actually Scott is a shitty dude, and the comic glorifies shitty dudes". EVERYONE in the comics tells Scott that he is kinda a piece of shit! I wish the movie handled it better, but even THAT clearly shows his friends giving him shit for being a dirtbag. I'm begging you to practice thinking critically about the intent of the media you consume!

(also, anyone who thinks Scott did nothing wrong missed the point even harder. Please read the text)

anyways, go watch the anime. Even if you hate Scott Pilgrim, the animation and music is FANTASTIC, and if you hate Scott's guts as a CHARACTER, I think you will be very into this adaptation.

BELOW STARTS DISCUSSING MILD DIFFERENCES IN THE INTENT OF THE ADAPTATIONS. PLEASE GO WATCH THE ANIME BLIND RATHER THAN READING FURTHER. (also, if you never read the comics/the old movie, perhaps consider those first. I think this anime would make no fucking sense in a vacuum)

The original comics and movie only really bother to give character arcs to Scott and his friends. I think this new show shifting the focus to Ramona and the Exes is really fantastic. They BARELY had any development in the original and this show does all of them wonders (especially Roxie, Matthew, and Lucas). I'm sad to see some of Scott's pals get sidelined as hard as they did in this adaptation (Stephen Stills, my beloved), but it's definitely and really really good choice to finally spend some time letting Ramona mature and have a character arc, rather than letting Scott punch all her problems away.

it's super meta, but I think this new anime simultaneously works as a really good CRITICISM of the surface level story of the older Scott Pilgrim stuff, while also doing a really good job doubling down on things the series did right, and letting us see a whole new side of some of the characters who basically went away immediately in the comics.

I kinda miss the parts of the comic that were very Slice of Life-y. I know it's mostly because of the amount of time they have to tell the story, but the comic was "Real World, but with fantastical rules for comedic effect" and this adaptation went full in on cartoon silliness. The action kicks ass tho, so I definitely think it was the right choice.

anyways, enough rambling. Go watch it.

[panlight]

Re: Carlisle being a dad, I think a lot of what we see of the Cullens from Bella will be through Edward and that inherently colors her perspective. Bella doesn’t interact with the Cullens on her own, so she projects what Edward sees onto them.

Edward was turned pretty young at the behest of his mother, Elizabeth, and we only learn this from Carlisle. Edward completely cuts Elizabeth out of the story. I think Carlisle turned Edward, Edward woke up, decided Carlisle was his dad now, and Carlisle ran with it. If the terms of their relationship were up to Carlisle, I feel like he’d be Edward’s friend.

None of the other Cullens bar Rosalie see Carlisle and Esme as their parents. Jasper and Emmett were pretty much adults when they were turned and Alice is too independent to let anyone parent her. Rosalie I feel like looks up to Carlisle and simultaneously resents him but she still loves him but I don’t think she seeks out anything from Esme like Edward does, which is why Edward is Esme’s favorite.

Bella doesn’t see any of this because all she cares about is becoming Edward’s equal and the Stepford family she imagines. It’s pretty sad IMO because she doesn’t even really know Edward, she just wants so desperately to be happy and she did everything to get it.

I asked the question because over the years I've seen A LOT of different takes on it in fanfic. I haven't had time to read much fic the last few years, but when I was reading it a lot, one of the things that would make me "nope" out of a fic pretty quickly is if all the Cullen 'kids' were constantly calling Carlisle 'Dad.' That vibe just felt off to me. An occasional 'Dad' and especially joking ones were fine; them actually routinely calling him 'Dad' and not 'Carlisle' when talking to or about him just weirded me out. But obviously some people really liked that! Some people preferred that more literal family, and that's their right.

It's a hard question for me to answer myself because part of me thinks they're using human words to try and describe vampire relationships. They're approximations. They are clearly a family, but I don't think it's literally the 'mom dad and the kids' that a human family would be because of all the vampire factors involved. The 'kids' were 17-20 when they joined the family; they had all basically reached adulthood other than Edward, technically, and a few of them were even living adult lives; it's not like Carlisle and Esme were changing their diapers and teaching them how to read. But they were involved for some of their 'newborn vampire' stuff, but then also Edward was there for Esme's newborn year, so. But they also aren't growing past those ages, so some adult guidance can remain helpful . . . but Esme and Carlisle aren't all that much older.

Someone in the comments to one of these posts said something along the lines of "I think the Cullens are portrayed like this because SM couldn't conceive of a loving family configuration outside of mom/dad/kids" and that . . . that might be right on the money.

I do think the fact Elizabeth Masen basically asked Carlisle to save Edward does make their relationship different, along with him being the first. I could easily see Carlisle feeling like Elizabeth, in addition to 'save his life' was also asking 'take care of him.' He was a 17-year-old orphan; it would be natural for there to be a caretaker, if not parental role there.

And then there's the weirdness of Carlisle, Edward and shortly thereafter Esme being 'there' for Alice in her visions from the start, but Alice being totally unknown to them. Alice wasn't physically with them, but they were huge influences on her nonetheless. But again Alice doesn't remember her human life so she's coming at this totally from a vampire perspective, so I sort of get her seeing them as her 'parents' but in a purely vampiric sort of way? Obviously not the same as a helpless human needing parents to protect them. But she was, in a way, nurtured by them? It's all so weird and interesting.

But yeah Bella only scratches the surface of the family dynamics and clearly is not interested in much outside of Edward. And SM as the author is, uh, kind of in the same boat? This quote, specifically:

Esme and Carlisle love all their "children" in different ways, but they both have a soft spot for Edward because he was with them first, and he’s such a deeply good person. The others are good, too, but Edward is special. And I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with him.

I mean . . . it does kinda feel like she's saying that because she's in love with him, but go off, I guess.

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Heyo! For the wrapped ask, number 13? Stucky?

Also just wanted to say you’re one of my favourite fic authors I’ve found in a while ❤️ I often anticipate the smutty stuff the most but in your fics I enjoy the in-betweens so much! The way your write children is simultaneously the most warm yet hilarious prose and it always feels so much more lifelike than I often read? Having kids probably helps lol. Sorry I’m just rambling on but you’ve brought me a lot of comfort in the past few months and I appreciate you a lot

Hope you have a good one!!! :)

Thank you for the amazingly kind sweet words - so encouraging - flattery will get you everywhere, so here is a 2500 word smutty fic inspired by this wistful little love song, and yes, I wrote this whole fucking thing last night laying in bed and edited it today in between work calls because I have ADHD, we've talked about this, my brain is very good at doing exactly what it wants and sometimes our interests align and things like this happen.

I listened to this album (So Jealous) on repeat when writing the sad chapters of my fic Tension and Tonic, so not surprised this song ended up in my top songs nor in the direction this story took.

Tegan and Sarah - Take Me Anywhere

Warning this is smutty with graphic sexytimes.

“Stop making me laugh. I'm trying to be sexy," Steve laughs. 

"If you can't laugh and be sexy what are you even doing, sweetheart," Bucky drawls back and that's probably when Steve fell in love with Bucky. Unfortunately it was also during their first hook up. It was decent enough - mutual blow jobs. Bucky clearly knew what he was doing. On the surface nothing too different than Steve’s normal routine of finding a guy and blowing off some steam, but there were a lot of subtle red flags that should have warned Steve to run like hell.

Like how entranced Steve was when it was his turn to make Bucky feel good. Bucky, with his dancer's grace, with the asymmetry of his missing arm making the lines of him more perfect somehow, his long hair falling loose into his face, framing his perfect jawline, the pink O of his mouth, the dark smudge of his eyelashes. The way his elegant fingers fluttered so tenderly along Steve's cheek when he sucked in. It was. Lovely. Bucky is lovely. Lovable. It's a problem. 

That first time Bucky had sort of folded Steve into his body after, pulling him up onto the couch and burying his face in Steve's hair in a way that normally would have made Steve bristle because he is small but he's not a fucking stuffed animal. But Bucky hummed and sighed in this contented way. Bucky is all bones and muscular and yet fluid and it feels powerful to be held so desperately by someone like that. 

"Sorry I’m a cuddler, just shove me off when you get sick of me," Bucky hums, and laughs after a minute, and lets Steve go. "Don't make fun of me, I can't have sex with out snuggling, I should have warned you in the Grindr chat," and Bucky is easy and lax and happy and Steve could have maybe stayed longer without it being weird, but by then, he kind of wanted to stay forever so he definitely needed to go right away. 

Bucky is a former ballet dancer. Well, he still dances actually, but he was a principal with the New York City Ballet till he lost his arm, a story he shrugs off easily. "My ma always said I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached and turns out it's the same for my arm? I called the Coney Island lost and found, but it wasn't there? Just kidding, it was a car accident, just glad I'm alive." He's the assistant director of fundraising for the ballet now, and does some choreography too, Steve's not sure how it all works, but Bucky is happy and charming and Steve would definitely hand over all his money to fund the ballet if Bucky had asked him. But. Bucky's never asked him to donate to the ballet. They don't talk about work stuff beyond the minimum. Steve’s just happy they talk at all.  

The next week Steve's phone pings and it's Bucky on Grindr again, and apparently Bucky had a shit day and wants to get fucked, and he likes Steve's dick so, well, does Steve top? Steve saves his work, stops his time tracker, and that's all the graphics that are getting designed for today. He changes out of his work from home sweats and puts on his date jeans, and heads over to Bucky's place to take them back off again. Bucky's wearing a suit, his hair slicked back, and the arm of the suit neatly tailored up. He looks amazing, his tie just a little loose around his neck, his eyes lazy and suggestive, moving right into Steve's space and dipping his head down for a kiss before Steve can even say hello. 

Steve can work with that, he pushes Bucky into the wall and spreads Bucky’s legs enough so that they're the same height and untucks Bucky's shirt so he can feel up his slim frame. Steve moves Bucky through his apartment and into his bed, and climbs on top of Bucky, and Bucky reaches into the bedtime table for lube and condoms and it's good, it's so good, and Steve can't recommend fucking a ballerina or whatever a guy ballet dancer is any higher, especially when Bucky bites hard into Steve's shoulder and keens desperately and more and more until Steve's ready to last forever if Bucky needs him to, except then Bucky's shaking apart with his one hand in Steve's hair and kissing him messily all teeth and heaving breath and that's fine. Steve loves Bucky's teeth. 

After, Steve's forcibly cuddled by Bucky again, which is fine because Steve's legs are kind of rubbery because he's not as athletic as Bucky - then again, who is. 

Steve cuddles with Bucky and listens to him ramble on about nothing in particular before sliding back into his date jeans and letting himself out. In his head tells himself this is a business transaction more or less. Steve is a consultant who knows how to do authentic and meaningful work for his clients and move on. A skillshare of sorts. 

It sort of becomes a Friday night thing. Most Friday nights Bucky seems to have some kind of high end fundraiser related to his work at the ballet. It makes sense that Bucky can’t be hunting for a hookup while representing his work, so it’s perfectly logical that he’d touch base with Steve after for a bit of no strings attached fun. Steve doesn’t see any need to tell Bucky that he’s not seeing anyone else and also that he’d love to be Bucky’s boyfriend because, haha, what? Why would he say that? 

Honestly, they barely know each other beyond Steve having every inch of Bucky’s flexible, lovely body memorized. Steve’s favorite parts are the imperfections, the freckles, the scars, the cowlick that makes his hair stick up funny if he doesn’t slather product in it. He doesn’t mention it, because what kind of asshole would mention it, but he’s transfixed by the way Bucky adapts to having one arm, because it’s just so fucking beautiful. It draws the eye, the way his liquid grace casually defies gravity. It often seems his momentum should go one way, but it seamlessly flows another, and Steve wants to draw Bucky or at least take a picture of him. But they don’t do that. 

"I looked up your art," Bucky murmurs into Steve's hair one evening during their post coital cling session that maybe gets a little longer every week. Steve kind of freezes because what? He didn’t realize Bucky even knew his last name?  "It's good. You're pretty badass. It's impressive. I can't draw for shit, so I was curious what kind of art you do. Maybe we could commission you at the ballet, you like drawing ballet shoes and legs and shit?"

"Oh," Steve says because, like, seriously, Bucky, do you not know what a hookup is? Steve should be getting dressed right now, not letting Bucky lazily slide his hand up and down Steve's back while talking about his art.

"It's dynamic, lots of movement, reminded me of dancing. Maybe I have a dancing brain. Everything reminds me of dancing," Bucky laughs, and his breath is hot into Steve's hair, and Steve laughs too, because laughter is the appropriate response and also dear oh dear. Yeah. Bucky Barnes is lovable. 

"You had heart surgery?" Bucky asks in a sudden subject change. And Steve wonders for a minute how Bucky knows that. In his defense, he's drunk on sex endorphins and being stroked like a kitten and practically purring. 

"Yeah, couple of em," Steve says. It's such an enormous scar. Obviously Bucky noticed the damn thing, they’ve been naked together close to a dozen times. 

"It's all ticking away alright now though?" Bucky says softly, and Steve huffs a yes and pulls back before he falls asleep. "Should I not have asked? I feel like I have no filter about scars and shit since I got de-armed. It's like, I dunno. My injury is the first thing everyone sees. You're probably as bored as I am of talking about it."

"Did you ever have a filter?" Steve teases, and Bucky laughs hard, his head thrown back with joy, and that feels good. "Yeah, Buck, I'm pretty healthy these days."

Steve manages to escape a little while later. He looks up videos of Bucky dancing. It's only fair if Bucky's been looking up Steve's art. What he does next in the privacy of his own home when he sees Bucky's thighs in those ballet tights is his own business. All of the videos are from before the car accident. Bucky looks strange with two arms, off balance and overloaded, which makes absolutely no sense, but Steve’s just so used to Bucky’s body how it is now. 

They meet up the next week, and Bucky’s freshly showered from a dance performance, which, Steve didn’t realize Bucky was performing anymore, let alone today. Bucky’s full of adrenaline and way pushier than normal, taking Steve’s mouth and getting Steve up against the wall. Usually Steve doesn’t like to be pushed around, but he trusts Bucky by now. He’s really a super nice guy. Steve couldn’t be luckier in having such a convenient sex arrangement with such a beautiful, kind, sexually compatible person. This is a thought he has briefly before Bucky grabs him by the crotch and presses their shoulders together hard, slamming Steve into the wall, and Steve’s mind kind of whites out. 

After they’re laying on the floor in the hallway of Bucky’s apartment, huffing and limp and half dressed. Steve reaches into his jacket pocket, (how convenient they are still right there by the door) and takes a puff of his inhaler. 

“Shit, you ok?” Bucky asks in surprise. 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’m cat-sitting for a friend, got my allergies up, and you know, I know that wasn’t enough exertion to get your heart rate up, but some of us mere mortals have physical limits.” 

Bucky laughs dryly. “My heart rate was up Steve. Before the physical exertion started, actually though,” he adds softly. And what is that supposed to mean? 

Steve lays in bed awake half the night trying to decide if he should go to Bucky’s dance performance the next night. It’s in a massive hall, there’s no way Bucky would know. Is it too intimate? Is it too stalkery? Does he mention it after if he goes? Is it weirder if he goes and doesn’t mention it? That would be weird if he doesn’t mention it, so okay he has to mention it but does he mention it before or after he goes? The tickets are expensive too, so then it’s weird like, does he seem like he’s trying to score free tickets if he mentions it before? But then Bucky seems like the type to be annoyed if Steve pays when Bucky has free tickets on offer. Ugh. 

In the end, Steve goes, and he buys the ticket and doesn’t tell Bucky, and he cries because Bucky’s dancing is amazing, and breathtaking, and every adjective, and Steve could draw only Bucky for the rest of his life and not have captured the lines, the strength of him, the defiance. He wants to explain to the person next to him that he’s not crying because he’s like inspired that Bucky is disabled, but because he’s in love with Bucky, and it’s one thing to suspect the guy you’ve been fucking with no strings attached every Friday night for months is perfect, but it’s another thing to have it proven. 

Steve doesn’t mention to Bucky that he went to his performance, but he tries to put it into the way he touches Bucky the next week. Reverent. He spends close to an hour opening Bucky up with his mouth and fingers, and the sounds Bucky makes when Steve finally enters him, kissing him gently down his neck, the way Bucky’s out of athletic moves to try and wow Steve with, but just transcendently arching up, helpless with pleasure, that’s how Steve lets Bucky know he saw him dance, and he loved it, and he loves Bucky. 

That night, Bucky asks him to stay the night, and Steve actually has an early Saturday meeting with a client, he’s not making it up, he even shows Bucky the calendar note, and Bucky laughs happily, and says it isn’t a big deal. But. It seems like a big deal. Steve makes sure not to schedule anything the next Saturday, in case Bucky asks again, but Bucky doesn’t ask again. Which is fine. 

Then something strange happens. Steve’s locking up Wanda’s apartment from checking on her cat, and his phone pings, and it’s Bucky via Grindr, asking for Steve’s phone number. It’s actually super weird they haven’t done the phone number thing yet, honestly, Steve doesn’t even use Grindr except to confirm his weekly dates with Bucky. Steve sends his number over as he’s walking to the subway to head back home, it’s only one stop, but it’s cold. 

Bucky texts him right away, asking him what he’s doing Friday. Steve says he’s open, because, duh? At this point, Steve would turn down the presidential medal of freedom if the ceremony was on a Friday night between 10 pm and midnight. 

Bucky asks him what he’s doing at 6 pm on Friday, and that’s new. They almost never hang out before 10 pm, or whenever Bucky’s fundraising events wrap up. Steve’s not doing anything in particular, and says as much. Bucky asks if he’d hate wearing a suit and getting free wine? And Steve does not, in fact, hate free wine. He also has a decent suit, he thinks it’s pretty stylish still, he had it tailored a few years ago, but men’s styles don’t change as fast as women’s, which is a relief when you are not a standard human male size and have to have all your clothes custom fit to make sure you don’t look like a child wearing their dad’s dress up clothes. 

Bucky asks if Steve would want to meet up with him at his fundraiser on Friday, it’s at an art gallery, and the art reminded him of Steve. Steve feels his heart pound. 

S: I like free wine, wearing suits, and art galleries. Sure. 

B: Another question. 

S: I also like answering questions 

B: Do you like holding hands? 

S: Depends on the hand. 

B: I mean, I only have the one. 

Steve feels dizzy. 

S: Yes, I would like holding your hand. One is sufficient for my needs. 

B: And you would like holding my hand and going somewhere with me on a date? 

S: You could take me anywhere.

[jagged--dust-jacket-analysis]

*Potential Miraculous Spoilers/Specific Season Five Spoilers*

*disclaimer: I am not trying to be judgmental of anyone. I am only speaking from my experiences online in fandom. I can’t speak to what others have seen, only what I have.*

I feel like Adrien's abuse is under talked about in the fandom. Not by much, but by enough to notice.

I feel like there are a few reasons for this. One, because it only escalates to physical abuse once (in Chat Blanc). And two, because Adrien himself isn't shown having feelings about it as much as other characters are about their trauma.

1: The Type of Abuse

A lot of the way Gabriel abuses and controls Adrien is mental. Therefore it goes unnoticed as abuse by a lot of the audience.

Some don't consider it abuse because he never hit's or shows he's willing to hit his kid, until Chat Blanc, but that's an alternate timeline. So while it does happen many don't acknowledge it outside of it's love-square connotations. What it means for shipping.

About ninety-nine percent of the time he goes for manipulation rather than physical violence. He hangs Adriens freedom over his sons head. Threatens to take it away from him if he disobeys. The best example of this is when Adrien takes the Miraculous Book from his fathers safe, and his father want's to take him out of school.

There's also the time he actually used a tactic that is widely considered a torture method. He used something called "White Room Torture." It's a form of torture where you put victims into intense sensory deprivation. At the least it causes depersonalize. At it's most? Psychotic Breaks.

This was the end of season five, and at that time they were ramping up to Gabriel's death. So naturally they were showing more of the intense abuse Gabriel put's Adrien through. Prior to this it was less severe mental abuse, so it was easily unnoticed by a lot of people.

2: Adrien's own Responses.

Adrien also isn't given the same amount of screen time to process his trauma as, say, Marinette is. While some will argue it's because she's the main character, Adriens also the main character?

They are both equals within the show. And the fact that this was literally an arc in the show itself and people still missed it is kinda baffling to me.

Throughout the show we get to watch Marinette continuously break down over the responsibilities of being Ladybug, then the guardian. We see how her traumas and woes effect her relationship with those around her (i.e: Luka, Alya, etc.). We don't really get that with Adrien though (at least not until season 5).

In seasons 1-4 we see him act mildly sad about his father's absense and neglect. Mildly frustrated at his fathers manipualtion and control (the mental abuse). But we never see him actually break down over it. Not like Marinette does. And other than Nino being upset with his dad, we don't actually see how his Father's Abuse and Adriens trauma affect Adriens relationships towards others. How he acts.

Another argument I've seen to this point, is that that's just how Adrien's characterized. He's been written as this person who bottles things up and try's not to feel emotions of the negitive assortment.

And to that I say, so has Marinette. Marinette has also been written to bottle things up, and consistently act and appear happy. They parallel each other this way. That's what leads to her numerous emotional breakdowns throughout the show.

So why hasn't Adrien had any moment's like this? Why did it take five seasons for it to happen, in a cannon timeline, and to have actual consequences for his character?

The whole point of having a two point of view story is to progress both character's arcs simultaneously and in a way that parallels. So how come Marinette and Adrien are on two different emotional wave lengths (for lack of better term). Why wouldn't their mental breakdowns be around the same time? It's simply just poor writing in my opinion.

Until season five he only feels negative emotions involved in the love square. He get's one episode about grieving his mom, but that's it. I have a separate post in draft's for why this is actually also poor writing.

All and all I think show Adriens storyline was handled poorly in season 1-4. And this results in a lot of the fandom not really talking about Adriens trauma outside of the show. At least not the extent I think it should discussed.