#but I wrote a SPN one called Brothers and she loved it and made me enter it in the school zine and to their credit /everyone/ knew bc of th

[ziracona]

This reminds me of that one poem I wrote in college that my professor got furious at me for and would never explain what was wrong about it and when I tried asking got so mad she cried and just said 'never ask me again'

[ananke-xiii]

S12 Rewatch: the good, the okay, the bad and the ugly.

Okay, my spn s12 rewatch is complete! Time to recap!

The good:

American Nightmare: very good episode, compelling weaving of the American Gothic theme and the season’s overarching theme of family&love. David Perez has brilliantly written Magda as both Sam and Dean’s mirror, not an easy task but he managed it and it works perfectly. I very briefly touch upon it here.

Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox: delicious, delicious episode. I love Steve Yockey because he must hate the bunker as much as I do. I might be wrong but I think that in almost all of his episodes our fearless brothers are out and about, meeting new characters, expanding the horizon of the show outside the bunker’s confines. This ep in particular is close to perfection, I love it. Me rambling about it here.

The Raid: good rhythm, solid acting, dialogues are on point, Bob Berens did well with this episode. More thoughts here.

The Memory Remains: very good episode. Everything is thematically and logically weaved. Ketch sends Sam and Dean on a case as an excuse to raid their bunker. The case turns out to be about legacies&families and it’s a beautiful dark mirror to the Winchesters’ family history. I LOVED the imagery of the monster hidden in the basement, the meat plant as a horror setting, the tragedy that befalls those who don’t follow normative rules (the two kids that die in the episode are clearly coded as queer). The alternation between the BMoL’s scrounge of the bunker and the brothers investigating the case is very cool: both storylines give us a deeper insights into Sam and Dean’s life. John Bring wrote a very good episode. I wish he had written more of them!

The Future: I’m listing this episode here exclusively for Amanda Tapping’s directing choices. This episode is beautiful, the scenes are framed in a way that’s aesthetically pleasing to me. I think she managed to bring out more than the script was calling for. Actually, I think she managed to “save” the script where it’s weak. I just don’t understand why she made Sam and Dean look so gigantic compared to Cas, lol. Okay, it’s always like this but in this episode the Winchesters are… alarmingly bigger than usual. As far as the writing is concerned, I’m not sure I like Berens’ penchant for fanfic gaps. I’m okay with the “mixtape handover” missing scene, but what about Cas knowing that a. Sam and Dean actually have the Colt, b. Dean has stored the Colt under his pillow? I mean, he was in Heaven and ignored their calls so I’m guessing he knew about the Colt via Dean’s messages. But what about the frigging pillow? He went to Dean’s room sure to find it there. Sam didn’t even know it was there so how could Cas? What happened in those two weeks between “The Raid” (when Sam found the Colt in the BMoL’s base) and “Between Heaven and Hell” (when Cas was seduced by Kelvin and went back to Heaven?). And Dean has the Colt with him in “The Memory Remains”!Too many questioooooons, I AM CONFUSION, BERENS EXPLAIN!

The okay:

The Foundry: I liked the MoTW and how it’s entwined to the family theme, it’s believable and doesn’t feel forced. I liked the frostbite imagery, Berens doesn’t miss a beat and always reminds us that Mary was unjustly fridged.

Lily Sunder Has Some Regrests: ngl, very cool episode. But I feel like there was a little bit too much, a little bit too suddenly. I LOVE angel lore and this episode will forever be one of my favorites but it’s left me with more questions than explanations. Some of them are here.

Regarding Dean: the MoTW had huge potential but it wasn’t explored that much, it was more white noise in the background than anything else, which shame cause witches are cool. Nonetheless, okay episode, more here.

Stuck in the Middle (With You): this is another favorite episode of mine and probably the one that I’ve re-watched the most. It’s cool like that. But I don’t like Crowley’s ascension to the throne story/retcon. I think it cheapens the character. And why did he go to Ramiel? Back then there were two more princes of hell, why him specifically? Doesn’t make sense to me. And why did he go to him with three gifts like The Three Wise Men in One? Okay it serves as a huge red flag to Crowley’s unemotional demise. Still, me not likey.

Rock Never Dies: This episode has great potential but it feels so subdued to me. Even the actors’ performances are so lukewarm that the only one that stands out is the one from the guy playing Vince Vincent. Maybe that was the point, who knows. The pacing seems off to me and the characters are too defeated for an episode that’s so early in the season. But I loved seeing the brothers in black leather jackets so this goes to the “the okay” list :P.

Who We Are: I have mixed feelings about this episode. I think it’s one of those that are salvaged by the actors’ performances. This time they all brought their A-game, therefore the episode is okay. But I’m not sure how I feel about Sam leading some hunters with whom he has no relationship at all (and two of them killed him and his brother) to go and basically assassinate other humans. I dig the whole leader!Sam that Dabb was trying to unsuccessfully pull off during his tenure as showrunner. But it was weak. And coward since, in the end, it’s not Sam who cold- bloodedly kills Dr. Hess but Jody. I’m listing it in the “okay” really just because of the actors’ performances. The pacing was quite good too. Sam and Dean’s scene where they’re talking about how they thought they were going to die “blaze of glory” style is a veeeery good scene. I love it.

Twigs & Twine & Tasha Banes: cool episode, the parallels are paralleling and the themes are theming. I just wish they hadn't used the trite excuse “Cas is missing, Dean is depressed, let’s distract him with a case”. It’s a little bit lazy writing at this point because they’ve deployed this device several time by now (and they will use it again, alas!). I also wish they had showed us Sam and Dean talking about the BMoL with Max and Alicia cause, you know, they’re hunters and this is one of the main storylines of the season? Apart from that, solid episode.

Ladies Drink Free: Mixed feelings for this episode, too. I love Claire but I think the actress was not at the top of her game in this episode. I’d also loved at least a mention of Castiel, cause you know. But nothing, okay! And the girl’s death and possible Claire’s death too as fodder for Mick’s man pain? Mmm I’m not happy about that. Despite all this, the episode is still quite okay thanks to many “little” things such as Claire saying that that’s her life and she gets all the votes, Claire calling Sam an old skeezer (lol), Sam being quite excited by Kendrick’s largest collection of occult in the world and Dean skinny-dipping in the three-star hotel’s swimming pool. All the small things, as Blink 182 used to sing. All these small things make the episode enjoyable to watch.

The bad:

Keep Calm and Carry On: it’s a meh season opener. The only good thing is Mary and that’s it. I don’t get why they wasted two episodes on Toni Bevell and Ms Watt and then they backtracked and decided to have Mick and Ketch in their stead (also boo-hoo for the everlasting whitedudeism). I can understand Lady Bevell as she was in s11 last ep but Ms Watt? Why adding a new character if you already plan to kill her off right at the beginning of the season. Meh, bad.

Mamma Mia: only good thing about this ep is Mary reuniting with Sam, albeit for a 10 second scene. Not much else to say, tbh. Forgettable.

LOTUS: Guys, please. The President of the United States goes to a random motel and only one.ONE. agent goes to check the room and he doesn’t even check it properly? And why does Cas even need to hide in the closet if he can just wipe out the agent’s memories and he can’t be killed by bullets and surely not by combat? Also, Crowley can literally disappear and teleport other people away with him. Come.On. We’re all aware of the armor plot, all ready to suspend our disbelief but writers, please, put in some more effort.

All Along the Watchtower: the only reason I like this episode is for the little glimpses into Kelly&Cas’ little domestic and cultish dream-life. The rest? Meh. I mean, Lucifer conveniently showing up just like that? Castiel going after him into the rift to kill him with an angel blade (what was Dabb thinking when he wrote that? Who knows! He wrote Castiel as quite dumb, I must confess)? Crowley’s OOC suicide? I’d get it if he died in battle, the whole season was pointing to Crowley’s death. But sacrificing himself? No, I’m still not over it.

The British Invasion: when I first watched the episode I simply hated it. The cheap  dark Harry Potter parallels? No, thank you. But, truth be told, upon re-watching it, I think it was not that bad-bad. Still, I’m gonna put it in “the bad” because Buckleming brought back Eileen in this episode just to kill her off a few episodes after and I’m tired of this shit.

Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell: Look, I don’t think David Perez really understood Crowley’s character. Or maybe it’s just me. But Crowley in his episodes is off. Like, on one hand Crowley comes off as more human, on the other he was the one who let the hellhounds free. In hindsight, I know this was a way to show Crowley as a sort of wavering character ready to be killed off in the sunset boulevard of the alternate universe. Do I have to like it, though? No. Also (and this is a very small thing but it irks me a lot because it was intentional), Dean being super gross and disgusting is so OOC. I don’t think that Dean is a real germ freak. Or so I hope for his sake because of the life he leads. Life in greasy diners and dusty motels is literal hell for a real germophobe. But I do think that he’s obsessed with clean clothes, showers and with staying clean as much as he's possible for him. So Dean wearing the same underwear for four consecutive days? No way, that’s not Dean Winchester.

The ugly:

The One You’ve Been Waiting For: The only SPN Nazi-themed episode that I enjoy is “The Vessel” and that’s because the real theme there is the Resistance. Not even Bed Edlund in s8 could make me like Nazi-themed SPN episodes so no dice here. I really liked Ellie, though. It’s a well written character and the actress was quite good. It’s a shame she was only there for one episode.

First Blood: Possibly my least favorite episode of the season. When I first watched it I kinda giggled the whole time for second hand embarrassment because it felt absurd. More here.

Family Feud: ugly, ugly episode. All I have to say about it can be found here.

There’s Something About Mary: Eileen’s death. I’m just saying this. Eileen’s death. I’ll never forgive them for how it was portrayed and how it was used for (very very weak) manpain. I don’t know what was going on inside Jared Padalecki’s mind when they filmed this episode but he totally seemed unconvinced, too. Just a very ugly episode.

13 overall good episodes against 10 not so good. I must concede that season 12 was NOT a bad season :P

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

[waiting-for-cas-to-save-me]

Hey Hey Hey!!! Happy Valentine's, dude!!!!!! Alright so, this Valentine's, I'll be gifting you with an unhallowed gif of my own creation. I've also got a *quality* spn/v-day joke up my sleeve...

*ahem*

Dean: What do you call a ghost's sweetheart???

Sam: ...

Cas: ...

Dean: *awkward finger guns* A ghoul-friend!

*Adina snickers in the background*

Happy Valentine's to you to boo. I live for the Gif you made me.

since you inspiered this piece you earned it a drabble for "Father Hood for an Angel"

So Adina is like 7

Adina has been working like crazy during the "midnight oil" the last week as Valentine's day approached. She hasn't had very much contact with people outside of other hunters but mostly Sam cas and dean.

However, she had seen many Valentine's Specials on tv and Sam and taught her about Saint Valentine. And team free will wasn't the biggest on the whole deal. Dean was seldom home for that one day. This year was going to be different come hell or high water.

This year she wanted Dad, De Sammy, and Grandpa there she wanted to try and celebrate a tacky holiday with her little family.

She had asked her grandfather for glitter glue construction paper some scissors And oddly enough beer bottle lids. He told her she was going to need help using this stuff to which she just tapped her grace to make her already bright blue eyes glow brighter and Bobby stepped back. so she took the supplies up to her room and started her work. anytime she wasn't"in school" she had locked herself in her room and warded it against her father.

Almost every night before dinner there was glitter in her hair glue somewhere along her body And the secret in her heart. She'd been going through her grandfather's books trying to find ways to ward off an entire house from keeping humans from leaving much less an angel or two It wasn't working But she would figure something out even if it meant finding grandpa's caution tape and using it on every window as well for 7-year-old but for an angel completely doable. She had made many Valentine four for Castiel because that's her father her saving grace her guardian angel She'd made two for Dean as well two for Sam because you have to keep the brother Winchester even and bobby was getting 3. all with different phrases and little drawing made to fit each person.

Cas's had little feathers bees and drawings of the two of them together. she wrote all in Enochian on his cards it was their little thing. a language the others couldn't speak or read, so she could write anything she wanted to her father without making the others jealous. She took the most time on Cas's cards and wanted to get him something but wasn't up to asking one of her appointed guardians to take her out. much less if she asked Gabe to take her Cas would have a royal meltdown. so she stuck with what she could do on her own.

Bobby's cards depicted late nights when he'd be watching her for Cas. and the Scrapyard him showing off his cars in the back yard. and lastly trips to the diner for Ice cream "dates". she had taped root beer and cream soda tops to the cards with arrows pointing at them saying "drinking with Papa"

Deans cards had an attempt of drawing the Impala with dean in it. Song lyrics were all over these cards like "simple man" which was her lullaby he'd sing to her when it was his turn to tuck her in since she was still an infant. Wanted Dead or alive.All kinds of songs of the rock variety.

Now Sam's cards were just sweet nothing too mushy but truly showing that she is close to him not just because he teaches her life skills and how to hunt but the fact that when it comes down to it he will always be there to hold her if she needs it. he showed her at a young age she was no freak.

When the morning of the 14th came around she was up before the sun. she found the tape and taped off all doors and windows she could get to. On to a 7-year old angel trying to make breakfast for her loved ones.it was to the fridge to try and do what grandpa showed her a few weeks ago.

"crack,open,repeat. salt, pepper, a dash of milk, fork in the goop, and go nuts.put it in the warm buttery pan and mix"

once eggs were done it was on with the toast and oatmeal.

it was a breakfast even sam would eat.

she used her true voice to wake the family and this time didn't break any lights or glass. Cas was the first one down and cut her a look.

"Adina, sweetheart you know better than to do that. It hurts the others they can't understand it, unlike myself and Jimmy. Did you cook by yourself?"

"mmm," she nodded fastly showing she even had a plate of eggs and toast for him and a bowl of honey topped oatmeal.

" Happy Valentines Day Dad. "

"Happy Valentine's day to you too Angel."

"dad you can't call me that i am an Angel"Adina chuckled lightly

"I know you are Adina. you're MY angel. you will always be my baby. Days like this make me miss the days when you were smaller and I could just hold on one hip around the motel rooms." Cas knelt and hugged his baby girl tightly not wanting to lose another moment with her.

with her face most of the way in her father's shoulder Adina asked her question"daddy will you be my Valentine?"

"I will always want to be your Valentine's baby" cas had the coroners of his eyes welling up with tears so he just held her closer.

When Sam, Dean, and Bobby came down Adina had their coffees all ready and gave them to each man said she was sorry for the loud wake-up call and gave them their breakfast.

She was soo caught up in making sure the boys had everything and was on her way up to her room to get the cards when Bobby stopped her

"Little lady sit to eat"

"Grandpa just one more thing then I will"

He nodded and she dashed off.

"some Kid you got there Cas," Sam spoke after a swallow of coffee

"she means well sam. It's all she can do to celebrate a holiday with her family. just let her have her moment"

Adina didn't even take the stairs back to the kitchen just Zapped behind Dean.

"Adina there are stairs you took them up there"

"come on De don't be a party pooper." she passed him his sparkly cards and did the same for the others at the table. Before Bobby opened his cards he got her breakfast as she hadn't even plated anything for herself.

as the guys opened their cards Adina ate blissfully. Cas was on the verge of tears over his cards from his baby. Dean had a smirk and seemed content. Sam also was a little wishy-washy and bobby broke the silence of the room.

"come her Squirt" he pushed his chair out and patted his lap.

So Adina got up and sat on Bobby's lap and he gave her a monster hug" You are the sweetest little girl. I'm glad I get to be your Grandpa and watch you grow up to be the kindest Angel Heaven ever let walk this Earth."

"Grandpa that's not me"

"then who is it Squirt"

"Dad. Dad is the kindest Angel."

The day went on smoothly as the crew didn't leave Bobby's lot and they had for once a calm halfway normal day. They watched movies and t.v, played Sorry and Adina learned Never to play Monopoly with Dean and Bobby.

When Cas declared bedtime Adina had already passed out on the couch 3 times but he followed her up the stairs to her little room. left her be so she could change in peace. but when she opened the door to invite her father back into the room she hugged him tightly before he turned down the covers for her to crawl in.

once she was tucked into bed cas lay on the edge of the bed with her holding on to him. In her daze of slumber, she asked one question"Daddy?"

"yes, sweetheart?"

"What happens when you or your vessel dies?"

"you'll be all grown up and won't need me anymore"

"I'll always need you. you're My dad."

Castiel held that little girl close as he hummed "slipping threw my fingers" by technically ABBA- but he liked the Mama Mia version - while she fell asleep safe in her fathers' arms with his heartbeat in her ears.

TAGLIST

@french-vanilla-in-the-clouds @smiling-girl@gabrielslittleangel

[sofreddie]

Friday Feature: June 4, 2021

Welcome to the Friday Feature, where every Friday I feature a different Fanfic Writer’s blog. This week’s Feature Blog is:

Link to Masterlist

About the Author:

My name’s MJ. I’ve been writing fic most of my life (started in the 80s with passing notebooks with friends) in multiple fandoms. I’ve posted works for BTVS/Angel, Twilight, TWD, SPN, MCU, and varied real person fics. I’m a Capricorn, queer, she/her, married, dog + cat mom, witch, Gen X — how many other labels can I cram in here?It took me far too long to find my way to Dean Winchester (started watching on Netflix in 2016) and I’m in denial of 15.20 except the domesticity. 🐶

Author’s Fave Personal Fics:

Wait Till My Brother Gets Home

Summary: She wants to lose control and Sam knows just what she needs in order to do it.

Why the author likes this fic:

I love writing Winchester threesomes. I’m obsessed with comparing and contrasting them. I’ve written several (as well as a J2 poly series) and every time I’m able to find a new facet that I didn’t think about before. With this fic, I tapped into a sort of ephemeral yet languid, dreamy state of absolute decadence. It’s not a love story, but it’s still intimate and I fell in love with the brothers all over again writing this!

Triptych

Summary: Dean’s on a case and meets two beautiful women. One of them is recently divorced and the new couple invite Dean to help them kick-off their new life together.

Why the author likes this fic:

As much as I love the dynamic of threesomes and polyamory, I’ve mostly written MMF! This came from a prompt when I still had a Patreon. I love the relationship between the women and how they trust Dean. The way he unfurled in my mind under the premise of giving these women something they wanted was really beautiful and fun to write!

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Summary: In the books, Soldier Boy calls out the names of US states when he fights. What if live-action Soldier Boy made his sex partners list all 50 states and the federal district in alphabetical order before he lets them come, and if they slip up or pause for too long or say anything other than the name of a state in the correct order, he withholds and makes them start over?

Why the author likes this fic:

I wrote this last year without any idea what to expect from Jensen’s Soldier Boy, but man was it fun to imagine! I’m a big fan of power exchanges and orgasm denial/delay kind of fascinates me. Writing out something as you imagine how it feels is kind of a head trip! Still not sure quite what to expect from Soldier Boy when he finally graces our screens, but I’ll always love this one regardless.

Discord & Rhyme

Summary: The demon is on the prowl.

Why the author likes this fic:

Like many people, I love Demon Dean. I love watching him, reading about him, talking about him, writing about him — you get the picture. I also love writing erotic horror and Demon Dean is prime material for that. This was a bingo square for 2019 kink bingo #scent kink and I went a little crazy with the sensory experience but I swear to god it’s like a 5-course meal or something.

Seasons

Summary: She is his safe haven, untouched by his world.

Why the author likes this fic:

Every time I think of Dean Winchester my first reaction is :dreamy sigh:, second is :KEYSMASH:, last is :VIOLENT SOBBING:. He deserves everything good and right in the world and I want to give it to him whenever I can. While this fic gets a little angsty in spots, it’s just to round it all out, make it feel a little more real — nothing’s perfect, but wouldn’t normal be great for him? I loved creating a world where he could disappear if only for a few hours.

Author’s Fic Recommendations:

Dear Mr. Fantasy by @itmighthavebeenintentional

Summary: Sometimes when he sleeps, Dean sees flashes of other Dean Winchesters, in other universes.

Why the author likes this fic:

This is another one of those Dean deserves everything good and right fulfillments. Val is a vivid and loving storyteller and this 2k word snapshot of an alternate universe Dean Winchester as a devoted husband, aging gracefully and content (if even for the recent, confusing dreams) is like a wooby. It’s achy and soft and swoony and heart wrenching all at once. As a Ride Or Die Dean girl, I am always awed by Val’s characterization of Dean. This is just so gorgeous.

Envy by @there-must-be-a-lock

Summary: One of the seven deadly sins featuring snippets of a dying dream.

Why the author likes this fic:

I love every word that Lou chooses to grace us with so it wasn’t a simple task to choose one of the many, but this is exquisite and unexpected. There are very few writers who can craft beauty around such dark content, but Lou’s able to do that with care and flourish. This is terrifying and sexy and dramatic in a way that takes my breath away with each read.

Look, About Last Night by @littlegreenplasticsoldier

Summary: You and Dean have an excellent hunt and you go out and get drunk and “celebrate”. It’s a disaster, but neither of you remember it, so I graciously fill you in on that and then sit back to watch Dean lose his shit.

Why the author likes this fic:

Ali is so fucking funny. This wasn’t the first of hers that I read, but it’s the one I randomly think about when I’m in line at the City Market and burst into laughter, embarrassing myself and scaring the shit out of the cashier. Seriously, it’s hysterical — until it’s suddenly very, very hot. Like toe-curling sexy, spot-on characterization, witty and hilarious dialogue. Just read it. lollllll

Dutiful by @stusbunker

Summary: ‘It wasn’t that he needed to touch her, it was just that he knew what his hands could do to those thighs. It wasn’t about him, sure they would be smooth and thick in his hands, but that wasn’t why he kept staring. She needed something and he could give it to her.’

Why the author likes this fic:

Stu’s been coming for my soul since 2019 and I’m not mad about it. Her turns of phrase are breathtaking, insightful, and sexy. Her characterizations ring true and are full of color. This fic holds the trademark edge of desperation, fight or flight, like much of Stu’s work and it’s beautifully claustrophobic. I find myself scrolling right back to the top sometimes after reading it because I don’t know what else to do with myself. It’s fucking fantastic.

The Things We Lost In The Fire by @lastactiontricia

Summary: What does it really take to survive in SPN Land? What does it take to survive Dean?

Why the author likes this fic:

This is a dark, beautiful mind-fuck. Trasha is one of the most generous creators I’ve experienced. Her words and rhythm are utterly unique and magical. This fic comes with warnings to be sure. It’s a beguiling What If..., a wild ride, and you won’t think about Dean Winchester the same way after reading it.

Thank you for checking out this week’s Friday Feature. Be sure to check out MJ’s blog, follow, send asks, go crazy! Check out all the fics linked and be sure to REBLOG and COMMENT!

Authors love to know what you think about their work - not just praise, but constructive criticism as well.

Constructive criticism is a helpful way of giving feedback that provides specific, actionable suggestions. Rather than providing general advice, constructive criticism gives specific recommendations on how to make positive improvements. Constructive criticism is clear, to the point and easy to put into action.

Shout out to @talesmaniac89 for the beautiful dividers she created and offered up for us for free! Check out her other resources here.

Would you like your blog to be showcased in a Feature Friday?

Maybe you have a fic you’ve written that you’d like to be included in the weekly Fic Recommendations?

Something you’ve read and loved?

Tag me! Send an ask! Drop a DM!

And as always, Happy Fanfic-ing!

Want even MORE? Check out the Friday Feature Masterlist!

Forevers:

@sis-tafics

@lyarr24

@calaofnoldor

@hobby27

@spnbaby-67

@fangirlxwritesx67

@jarpad24

@flamencodiva

@flashxspn

FRIDAY FEATURE:

@deanwanddamons

@itmighthavebeenintentional

[tiktaalic]

All I know of sheila is what i've read in your posts over the last, um, ten minutes --- but she exudes og wincest shipper c.2007-2008. Accurate?

A couple thoughts: I did not start watching the show through a certain lens. I was hooked by the acting and cinematography as well as the twisted fucked-up Winchester story. My only awareness of a fanbase were the “Destiel” people, whose eruption of outrage in re: Season 9, episode 3 is what made me start watching, out of curiosity. But all the other stuff – Wincest, etc. – wasn’t on my radar. I think that because I didn’t write my re-caps through a particular lens – defensive/offensive in re: my particular “ship” – because I was open to possibilities (in the story onscreen) – since the show ITSELF encourages that kind of ambiguity – the people who gravitated here were those who also liked to “swim in possibilities.” Who were interested in story and how stories are told.

There have been a couple of “either/or” people who showed up here, Sam Girls, Dean Girls, who “hated” Sam, or “hated” Dean, but they didn’t last long. (Member “You’re all a bunch of annoying cunts,” anyone?) In general, you fine people who read my SPN stuff are “both/and” people. We like the show and how it’s told. We like trying to parse it out, figure it out, we like to look at all the possibilities. This is why the discussions here have been so epic. We all have our takes, and strong takes, but we aren’t positional about our SHIPS. Because we aren’t interested only in our ships. We’re interested in the SHOW. The way I look at it is: I don’t “ship” the brothers. I’m a fan of the SHOW. As I became more aware of the fan battles – most of which I stay out of – I became aware of what I call the “consensus thinking” in the different factions. If you ship THIS one thing, then you also like/hate this other character. And it all seems agreed upon. If you ship THAT, you hate THAT arc. Etc. I am so glad I watched the show completely free of all that white noise.

I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to “like” Amelia. I was open to the possibilities of that arc, and very curious about it. I like learning new things about Sam and Dean. People who are like “I hated Amelia, she was so rude” … that’s fine, it’s just that that’s not how I interact with stories. What does Amelia bring to the table as a STORY? Why did they write her that way? Back then, I trusted the writers. It was fascinating to me that Sam found comfort with a woman who was such a mess. It told me where HE was at. What a fascinating and complex choice. These secondary characters need to reveal something about our leads. Amelia – like Bela – was HUGELY revealing about our leads. I also didn’t know I was supposed to “hate” that Sam didn’t look for Dean, and see it as – dreaded word – “ooc.” So any time something bad happens, or your “fave” does something you don’t approve of – it’s “ooc.” Convenient! I find Lady Macbeth sinister, but I love her as a character. I don’t want to meet Raskolnikov in a dark alley, but he’s one of the greatest characters ever written. I didn’t know I was supposed to run out of town on a rail any woman who DARED to “come between the boys.” Nope. I don’t watch the show that way. People who aren’t on this wavelength are really turned off by me. Lol. I’ve seen your subtweets.

I prefer Sam and Dean fucked up. Not ENEMIES, or at loggerheads, but fucked up. Human, making mistakes, screwing up, hiding things from each other (thinking they’re protecting the other), always making the same mistakes because they can’t help it. This feels very true to me. This whole “relatable” thing – a character deemed good/bad based on whether or not you “relate” to them … this is fine for fans (I guess? I’ve never rolled that way, but never mind) … but for a critic, which I am, and how I’ve approached writing about this show – relatability doesn’t matter. When Tommy Lee Jones came and spoke at my school, he was talking about Executioner’s Song, where he played serial killer Gary Gilmore. Someone asked if you needed to “like” the character you played. TLJ said, “No. You don’t need to like the character. You need to want to WATCH the character.” This is so well said. No matter what either of those guys did in early seasons, I wanted to watch what happened. Even when they betrayed each other, did awful things, etc. I’m not running around “defending” this or that choice. That’s not how I engage with stories. So all of this “I hated when Sam wouldn’t forgive Dean in Season 9” noise … is really foreign to me. Okay, yes, it was upsetting, but my God, it was great dramatically. It was supposed to be stressful and uncomfortable to watch. It showed character growth, and development.

Wanting everyone to be nice and supportive to each other all the time is fine for fanfic and boring as hell onscreen (which we have now seen for the past 3 seasons, which are basically crowd-sourced from the fandom). I sound like I’m down on fanfic. Please. One of the first things I ever wrote was at the age of 12, and it was a screenplay about Han Solo’s scrappy 12-year-old sister. But I don’t think George Lucas needed to listen to my fanfic. I never showed it to a soul. It has nothing to do with the movie itself, it was a FANTASY. So anyway, back to the point. What is the point?

june 2019 viewing diary, sheila o'malley

[let-me-luve-you]

12 Days. 13 Gifts.

Jensen Ackles x Reader

Summary: Jensen has a surprise for you on Christmas day and he hides it through the 12 Days of Christmas.

Warnings: mentions of smut, making out, pure fluff, talks of religion because of the songs meaning, umm I think that’s it but if there is more and I missed it please let me know since I wrote this over a week.

Word Count: 6527

A/N: I know that the 12 Days of Christmas technically start on Christmas day and go on until the new year, but I did it before Christmas and have it end on Christmas. This kind of got a mind of its own once I started writing it. I didn’t plan for it to be this long but once I started writing, the words just flowed. I looked up the meanings on my own. I tried to keep most of the religion out of it so people would be comfortable reading it so I briefly mention the meaning and then make it what Jensen thinks of the reader. I didn’t proof read this so if there are mistakes, I’m sorry. This took me days to write with a 4 day break in-between due to working 14 hour days. I hope you guys enjoy.

@spnchristmasbingo​

MASTERLIST

SPN Christmas Bingo 2020

Jensen was away filming Supernatural. They decided to do an extra episode before winter break so they wouldn’t have to come back until February. You missed him like crazy, but you were just grateful you were to get a little bit more time with him in the new year.

You worked for Gen so you were able to spend a lot of time with someone that understood missing their significant other. You also loved spending time with the little ones and helping Gen with her and Jared’s three children.

You were sitting at home doing some housework when you heard the doorbell. You made your way down the stairs to the front door of yours and Jensen’s shared home. You looked through the peephole and saw a delivery truck leaving the driveway. You opened the door and saw a small box.

Taking the box to the kitchen, you opened it and saw a tree shaped box full of plastic pears and one partridge in the middle. You pulled the box out and set it on the table. You looked back into the bigger box and found a note. You started reading,

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... a partridge in a pear tree.

I’m sorry I’m not there to join in the Christmas decorations and Christmas activities. I can’t wait to come home and see how beautiful your decorating is. Save some decorating and activities for me. I love you and can’t wait to see you.

J<3

You smiled as you looked pack over to the present your boyfriend gave you. You walked over to the table you weren’t going to decorate because you were going to use it for the buffet on Christmas day when all yours and Jensen’s families come. You set up the box to lean against the wall so people can see it when they come over. You laid the note in front of it, preparing to save it for the rest of your life.

The next day, you had gone out with Gen and the boys to a local farm. Gen was doing a piece on a healthier lifestyle and where it starts. You had your camera with you getting pictures of Tom, Shep, and Odette interacting with each other while they did the activity the tour guide set up. Soon Gen joined them and you grabbed pictures of that too. After getting the pictures you needed, you put your camera up. Gen took that opportunity to ask you about the package Jensen left for you.

“Did he really send you a gift based on the 12 days of Christmas?” Gen asked.

“Yeah. I was so surprised. I had talked to him that morning and he didn’t let anything on that he was sending something.” You replied. Smiling to yourself as you thought about the thoughtful gift from Jensen.

“Do you think you’ll get the other eleven days?” She asked genuinely.

“I’m not sure.” You said. The kids looked tired and came over asking if it was time to go home. “I guess I’ll find out when I get home.” You laughed as you put Tom on your back and then picked up Odette as Gen picked up Tom. All three kids drained of any energy.

After helping Gen take the kids in, you said your goodbye and headed back to the house. When you pulled in the garage you noticed a package on the front porch. You eagerly walked from the garage to the front door to get the package. Walking back to the kitchen, you cut open the box and saw two turtle doves with their heads touching. You picked them up to admire the beauty of the glass piece. You gently set it down on the counter and looked in the box for the second note.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me... two turtle doves.

Did you know turtle doves symbolize friendship and love and you are supposed to give it to a special person? And as long as both of us keep our turtle doves, we will be friends forever? You’re my best friend so I give the other one to you. Mine is attached to yours so we can keep them safe. I plan on staying best friends for life so don’t lose yours. I love you baby. See you soon.

J<3

You happily picked up the two turtle doves and the note and smiled as you set them next to the pear tree. You grabbed your phone and texted him “safe and sound. Love you.” Jensen quickly replied back with the heart eyes emoji.

You loved your gifts so far. You loved that the note explained what it symbolizes. You didn’t know that, you just knew the song. You hoped you would get more incite on the other days as well. That is, if you get more packages.

The next day, you were editing Gen’s photos when the doorbell rang. You weren’t expecting anyone so you assumed it was a package. You quickly hopped up from the computer and ran to the front door. You were already wearing a giant smile. As you opened the door you saw three giant boxes. You gently brought them into the foyer of the house. Too big and too heavy to move throughout the house. You opened the box that was labeled “box one.” You saw a giant iron french hen in the box as well as a note on top.

You grabbed the note and set it on the table by the door. You decided to pull out the french hen to see what it looked like. You looked it over and noticed Faith was engraved in the side.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me... three french hens.

Faith. Hope. Love. These are what the three french hens represent. I have faith in us. I hope you’ll love me for the rest of your life. And I love you more than words can describe.

Also sorry these are so big. I couldn’t find smaller ones. I figured these would look good in the yard.

J<3

You laughed at his little p.s. note. You went to put the note on the table with the rest. You grabbed the first hen and took it outside. You decided that putting them next to the walkway would be the best place until you get out the spring yard decorations.

Another day at home called for deep cleaning the guest rooms and the guest bathrooms. Only your parents and Jensen’s were staying at the house. Both of your siblings and their families were going to be staying at a hotel.

You had been cleaning for hours. You wanted a break and it seemed like fate wanted me to have a break too. Just as you were walking to the kitchen, the doorbell rang. Walking to the front door to get day four of gifts, you opened it and grabbed the package. You finished your walk to the kitchen and set the box on the counter. You walked to the fridge to grab some water before returning to the package. Today, you were tired, so you were a little slower on opening the package.

Once you had the box open, you saw a statue of four black birds. There was a button located on the side. You pressed it, kind of scared of what sounds it was going to make. You laughed as you heard a variety of bird sounds. You looked for the note and pulled it out of the box.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... four calling birds.

I did my research for this one and not much is on it. There are a lot of representations. Anyways, here are some blackbirds to join the collection that I hope you’re keeping. I love you. See you a lot sooner than you know.

J<3

You laughed at his note, just picturing him struggling to find the significance of the calling birds. You did as you had done before and set the statue and the note down next to the previous gifts. You smiled at your little collection you had built. You just knew this was going to be something you set up every year at Christmas. Notes and all.

The following day at the Padalecki house, you were helping decorate the tree with the boys and Odette while Gen went to get last minute Christmas gifts. You let the kids decorate it while you took photos. You were trying not to laugh as you noticed only the bottom half of the tree decorated. You prayed that Gen and Jared would leave it like that.

You heard the garage door and assumed it was Gen coming home. You laughed as Tom and Shep argued over where the reindeer ornament went. Odette walked towards the box of ornaments but stopped short and looked at something behind you.

“DADDY!” She yelled as you turned around to see Jared standing there with a smile on his face. He dropped his bag and bent down to pick up his daughter.

“Hey baby girl. Having fun decorating the tree?” He asked. She nodded her head and smiled at Jared. “Are you guys being good for Y/N?” All three answered yes in unison. You laughed.

“Have a good trip?” You asked him as he set Odette down. She ran off to join her brothers again.

“I did. Jay’s at home. I know you haven’t seen him in a while.” He said as he walked over to give you a hug and a kiss on the head. “Why don’t you go home? I can take over from here. I may be needed for the branches they can’t reach.” You both laughed as you looked at the naked top of the tree.

“Thanks Jare. Has Gen talked to you about coming to dinner tomorrow night?” You asked as you packed up your camera.

“She did. We figured we could come a little early to help out with whatever.”

“You can come early but you aren’t allowed to help.” You laughed as he frowned. “I have most of the decorations up. The rest are left for Jensen to do tonight. I just want some good ole family time. I haven’t seen you in forever and I know the kids want to see their Uncle Jensen.”

“We love Uncle Jensen!” Shep yelled.

“Is he here?” Tom asked.

You shook your head no. “No T, he’s not. But you will see him tomorrow. If you’re good for your parents tonight and tomorrow, I’ll have some cookies for you guys to decorate after dinner.” All three yelled in celebration.

“We’ll be good. Promise.” Shep said as he ran over to give you a hug. “Bye aunt Y/N. Love you.”

“Love you to Sheppy. I’ll see all of you tomorrow.” You said as you smiled at Jared and made your way to your car.

The drive to your house was short seeing as Jensen and Jared wanted to live close to each other. When you drove up, you didn’t see a package on the porch. You did smile though when you saw Jensen’s car in his spot in the garage. You walked into the house to see five small boxes on the coffee table with Jensen sitting on the couch next to them.

You ran over and hugged Jensen’s neck hard. “I missed you so much. Did you have a good flight?”

Jensen dug his head into your neck. You heard a mhmm as a response before you felt a kiss on your neck. He pulled back and gave you a soft kiss on your lips. “I missed you baby.” He kissed you again. “Can’t wait to spend the break with you and only you.”

“You do realize in a week's time we will have a full house of people.” You laughed. He shrugged before smirking at you. He turned to look at the gifts laying on the coffee table. You hopped off his lap and sat next to him, reaching for the boxes.

You picked them up and realized they were ring boxes. You opened it up to see a gold ring with a goldfinch bird on it. You pulled it out to observe it. Jensen was observing you. You had a huge smile on your face. You quickly opened all of the boxes and saw each ring was similar but the bird was positioned differently on each.

“These are beautiful Jense. Now where’s my note?” You asked eagerly. Jensen laughed as he handed it to you before he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... five golden rings.

The golden rings represent the yellow rings around a pheasant’s neck or a pretty little bird known as a goldfinch. A goldfinch symbolizes the importance of positivity, the value of happiness, and the simplicity in life. You are the most positive, happiest, and simplest person I have ever met. I am lucky to know you. You are my goldfinch. I love you.

J<3

You smiled at Jensen before you grabbed the rings and walked to the table that was holding all of the other gifts. You laid the note in front of it. You smiled as you looked over the four days worth of gifts that were in front of you. Jensen wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest.

“I love how you have it set up. I love where you put the hens.” He kissed your temple and squeezed you tighter.

“This is such a great idea. I love the thought you’ve put into it.” You turned in his arms. You placed one hand on his chest and the other on his cheek pulling him towards your lips. You placed a loving kiss on his lips before looking into his eyes. “Thank you for this. I love it.” Jensen smiled at you before he pulled you back into a kiss.

The next morning you woke to the smell of food. Jensen was sitting next to you with a tray full of breakfast food.

“What's all this?” You asked as you sat up.

“You’ve been doing so much around the house, plus working for Gen and helping her with the kids, I thought it's just a small thing I could do for you. And your cooking dinner tonight, so you deserved to spend the morning being pampered.” Jensen said softly. “I also have your sixth gift.”

He handed you a box. You opened it up and saw a glass goose. After picking it up you saw a glass nest with glass eggs in them. You gently put the goose back in the box and pulled out the note.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... six geese a laying.

It may not be six geese, but this is a cool one. The laying of eggs represents life and creation. Together we have created a life. A life that I love and never want to leave. The only way it changes is for the better. I love you.

J<3

You smiled at the note before putting it back in the box. You set the box on the ground before turning to Jensen. “I love the life we’ve built and I love you.” You said as you leaned over and kissed him.

It was day seven already. Jensen had spent most of the day in the garage with Jared, building furniture and toys for the kids Christmas. You had spent most of the day cleaning and prepping for the families to arrive in two days. While cleaning in the living room, you heard both boys come in and go into the kitchen. Jensen came out of the kitchen drinking water and came over to give you a hug.

“Want to open the seventh day?” Jensen asked.

“Is Dean the best Winchester?” You asked back.

“Hey now!” You heard Jared scoff. You looked up to see him leaning against the wall. You laughed when you saw his annoyed face. “What are you doing?”

“Jensen is giving me the 12 Days of Christmas?” You said with a big smile on your face. You walked over to the table and waved Jared over. Jared walked over to see all the gifts. “Jackles, you did this on your own?” He said, shocked.

“Yeah, I did. Don’t sound so surprised. I’m a romantic.” Jensen said while hugging you from behind. He pulled back and went to grab the box from the garage. He set it town on the dining room table. You quickly opened it and saw a big gold swan with six slightly smaller ones around it. You gently set it down and looked for the note.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me... seven swans a-swimming.

Purity. Beauty. Grace. Love. Elegance. You might think I’m talking about you, but really I’m talking about what a swan represents. You are the swan of my life. You are so pure, beautiful, graceful, full of love and elegance. In the world we live in, we need more of you, but I’m glad I have you. Never change my love. I love you.

J<3

You looked up from the note to see Jensen setting the swans on the table next to the other. You walked over and set the note next to the swan. You grabbed Jensen by his cheeks and turned his face towards you. You squeezed his cheeks and gently laid a kiss on his lips.

“You’re the real swan of this relationship. I love you.” You whispered. Jared watching his two best friends with warm eyes.

“Did you just call me a bird?” Jensen joked before kissing you again. You laughed and pulled away. You heard Jared laugh as well. You turned to the big moose.

“I didn’t think I would get all of these since he started this before he came home.” You said to Jared. You turned to Jensen, “This is literally the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”

“It’s only getting better.” Jensen said. You smiled. I’m going to start dinner. Jared you’re welcome to stay and Gen and the kids are welcome to join if you’d like?”

“I would love too, but Gen is actually making stew for dinner. Thanks for the invite though.” He smiled at you as he sat on the couch.

“Well you’re welcome anytime.” You said as you hugged him from behind and kissed his cheek. He grabbed your arm and gave it a squeeze and a pat before you let go. You walked out of the room and to the kitchen.

Jensen sat next to his brother and sat there for a second before he spoke.

“Is everything ready to go for Friday night?” Jensen asked.

“Yup. I’ll let the photographer in the back gate at 6:30. He said to give him 15 minutes to get stuff set up. I told him where you were going to be standing so make sure you stand there. Families know what’s happening and promise to keep it a secret. Gen picked up the ring the other day and I will give it to you when I get here Friday afternoon.” Jared said.

“Perfect. I really appreciate the help with all of this. You and Gen both. I don’t think I could pull off the proposal and the 12 Days of Christmas without you.” Jensen said sincerely.

Jared slapped Jensen on the back before standing up, “I’ll always do anything for you. Plus I’m happy you’re finally proposing. The two of you deserve each other and deserve to be happy.” He started walking towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow man. I’m going to go have a lazy night with my wife and kids.”

Jensen smiled at his friends and followed him to the door. Once he saw that Jared was in his truck, he shut and locked the door. He walked into the kitchen to talk with you while you cooked dinner.

Monday morning came too fast. Thankfully Gen gave you the week off. She said if she needed pictures taken, Jared could do it. You woke expecting to spend time with your husband, but he was gone. You walked to the kitchen and saw a note on the counter

Jared called for a morning run. Be back for lunch. Love you.

You smiled and decided you would make a full lunch and you could order out for dinner. You pulled out the ingredients for your favorite meal. You prepped the food within ten minutes before throwing it in the oven for three hours. You would make the rolls and salad when it was closer to lunch.

You decided today would be a lazy day of watching movies and casually wrapping Christmas presents for yours and Jensen’s family. When Jensen said he would be coming home from filming later than normal, you used your free time to wrap his presents so he couldn’t snoop. His presents were already under the tree.

You pushed the coffee table towards the love seat to create room for wrapping. You then went to the closet and got all the presents out and the wrapping paper. After setting everything down, you went down to the office to get the scissors and tape. Finally you were able to sit down and relax and wrap. You decided to watch all of the classic Christmas movies while you were wrapping since you hadn’t really seen any this year.

When Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer ended, you decided to put Frosty the Snowman on next. Jensen walked in right when it started and he was holding a box. He smiled at you before he set it down in front of you before sitting next to you.

You ripped open the box to see eight maids milking a cow. You noticed the tail was curled like you could hold it and then you realized that it had a small hole on top.

“This is so cute that it might get used all year round.” You said looking at the piece that was made to hold milk or cream for coffee or tea. Jensen smiled at you and then handed you the note. “Oh my favorite part.” You beamed.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... eight maids a milking.

In the 15th and 16th century in England, “lets go-a-milking” meant “let’s get married.” One day I want to go-a-milking. I want to see you walk down that aisle to our forever. I love you so much.

J<3

You looked up at Jensen with tears in your eyes. He gently put his hand on your cheek and you leaned into his touch.

“This isn’t a proposal, but one day I will. I will give you forever.” He said before leaning in to give you a kiss with so much love.

“And when that day comes, I will say yes to our forever.” You smiled at him.

He smiled at you before he turned to see what you were doing before, “Put me to work so we can have a lazy movie day after lunch.” You laughed and told him to start wrapping.

Tuesday you woke up early. Going straight to the kitchen to start the coffee. You looked at the clock and noticed that it was only six in the morning. You groaned knowing it was going to be a long day, but you had to get things done before family arrived. You pulled out a notepad and pen and started a list for groceries you would need for the time everyone is here. You then made another list for the Christmas food you would need for Christmas Eve night and Christmas lunch and dinner.

You sighed before taking a drink of your coffee. You set it down and laid your head on the counter trying to get motivated to start the day's work. You felt arms wrap around you from behind. You sat up and leaned against your boyfriend.

“Why are you up so early?” He whispered, giving you a gentle kiss on the neck.

“Too much to do. I’m about to go to the grocery store, but I needed a list and coffee first.” You replied.

“Since when is the grocery store open this early?” He asked as he pulled away and got some coffee.

“Since it’s the holidays. I want to go when it opens so it’s not so busy. Not very many show up at 7 am.” You replied. “I just need to go get dressed.”

“Let me finish my coffee and I’ll go with you.” You were about to tell him he didn’t have to when he interrupted you. “No. Don’t say I don’t have to. I want to help. You are putting in so much work so we can host our families for Christmas. Just tell me what to do.” You smiled at him and thanked him before moving back upstairs to change clothes.

Later that afternoon, you started working on prepping food so all you had to do for two dinners and a lunch was to put them in the oven to cook them. Jensen walked into the kitchen before you could truly get started and he dragged you to the table holding the 12 Days of Christmas gifts.

You saw a medium size box and Jensen nodded for you to open it. You pulled out a jewelry box. When you opened it you saw a ballerina and it turned as the music played.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... nine ladies dancing

Today’s part of the song stands for the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit. They stand for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. You are the love of my life and you give me so much love. You give me joy. You bring me peace. You are so patient with me. You give me so much kindness, even when I don’t deserve it. You bring so much good to the world and to me. You have faith in me when I don’t even have faith in myself. You’re gentle with me when I need it. And you have self control to not let your emotions overcome you to where you say or do something you would regret. (I don’t know how you have self control when I’m around though *wink wink*).

I love watching you dance around the kitchen when you cook, the bathroom when you are getting ready, and the living room when you are cleaning. You have danced your way into my heart and I hope you never dance out. I love you baby.

J<3

You walked up and hugged him. “You say all these kind things about me, when these almost match what I think about you.” You said into his chest.

“I can’t even compare to you baby.” He kissed the top of your head. “Okay. Let me help prep food so we can have a calm night. Mom told me they will be here by 10 tomorrow morning. And your dad said they’d be here around lunch. So let’s finish so we can enjoy our little alone time.”

The next morning, you were doing some last minute cleaning before Jensen’s parents arrived. You were cleaning the leftover breakfast dishes when you heard the doorbell. You were about to stop what you were doing when you heard Jensen get it.

“Hey guys.” You heard your boyfriend say to his parents.

“Hi baby. Where’s Y/N?” You heard his mom ask.

“I think she was doing something in the kitchen.” He responded. You heard someone walking towards you and decided to dry your hands and give a proper welcome to his parents.

“Y/N! How have you been?” Donna said as she stepped into the room.

“I’m good Donna. How was the trip?” You asked.

She nodded, “It was good. Is there anything I can help you with dear?”

“I think I’m good for now. Jensen has been a doll and has been helping me with everything. I think now we can go into the living room and talk. My parents should be here shortly.” You said guiding her to the living room.

After an hour of talking, your parents arrived. Your mom and Donna instantly started catching up when your mom turned and saw the table of gifts. She got up and walked over to it which drew Donna’s attention as well.

“What’s all this?” Your mom asked.

“Jensen has been doing the 12 Days of Christmas for me.” You said as Jensen came and wrapped his arms around you and gave you a kiss on the head.

“Well isn’t that sweet and romantic.” Your mom cooed. “Y/N, your dad never did anything like this for me, I know you’ve been dating for a few years, but if I haven’t said it before, he’s a keeper.”

You laughed as Donna agreed. You all decided to go grab lunch. Both sets of parents were catching you up on everything that was happening in their lives and your siblings lives. When you returned from lunch, your parents both went to their rooms to unpack and get comfortable. Jensen took you into the dining room where you saw another box.

When you opened it up, you saw ten leaping men as a tin decoration. You smiled and set it on the other table with the other gifts. You went back to the box and found the note.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... ten lords a leaping

These ten lords a leaping represent the ten commandments. But I have to be honest. I instantly thought about how you leaped your way into my heart. I also thought about how I would leap over mountains and oceans for you. Anything to make sure you are happy and feel loved. I still love you.

J<3

You smiled at Jensen and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He pulled you into him and gave you a heart stopping kiss. One kiss led to another and the next thing you know he has you sitting on the table with him between your legs making out. You had no care in the world. Just enjoying this small moment with your boyfriend. Jensen pulled away and your head jerked to the left when you heard a throat being cleared. Your face burned red when you saw your dad and Alan standing there.

It was finally Christmas Eve. Jensen decided since the house would be full of your siblings and nieces and nephews, he was going to give you your present this morning. He quietly got up and turned off your alarm. He walked down to the garage where he was hiding the presents and got the one labeled day eleven.

He walked back upstairs passing his mom. He stopped and gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her to make herself at home. He walked back towards your shared bedroom. He saw you sleeping so peacefully and he felt bad for waking you, but he wanted you to have this moment. He loved being able to share these few minutes with you. Seeing your eyes light up when you saw the present. He didn’t think it was possible for them to light up anymore than they already were until he saw you read the note. He knew you loved the gifts, but he loved that you loved the hand written notes and thought into what these gifts mean.

Jensen leaned over and kissed your face gently while rubbing your arm. “Come on baby. Open your eyes for me.” He said softly as he watched you try to wake up. You opened your eyes and blinked a few times before looking up at Jensen. “There she is.”

“Hi.” You whispered.

“Hi.” Jensen whispered back before giving you a soft kiss. “I wanted to give you your present before everyone got here. I like having the privacy for it.” You nodded and moved to sit up and lean against the headboard.

Jensen handed you the box. You tiredly smiled at him as you took it. You opened it up and found a medium wooden box. You opened it up and saw eleven wind instruments made out of wood. You smiled admiring the beauty of them. You moved onto the note that was laying in the bigger box.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me... eleven pipers piping

I learned today that eleven is considered an unlucky number because it’s one less than a dozen and one more than the number ten, which apparently is a fan favorite. These pipers stand for the faithful disciples. I hope you take this meaning as knowing I am faithful to you. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you or to break your heart. I love you.

J<3

You smiled at the note before setting it and the boxes on the bedside table. You pulled Jensen to you and you gave him a lazy kiss while trying to fix his bed head.

“How about you show me how faithful you are before everyone wakes up and the others arrive.” You smirked at him. He lunged at you as you giggled. “It would be my pleasure.”

It was Christmas evening and you had noticed Jensen getting a little bit restless. He had been like that all day. You just thought it was because of all the people in the house, but when Jared showed up he got even more antsy. A little after six, you decided to pull him aside.

“Jense, come here.” You said waving him towards the stairs. You led him to the bedroom and sat him on the bed. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’ve just been restless all day. You almost look nervous.” You said rubbing your finger over the frown lines on his foreheads.

“I’m fine. Just feel weird having all these people here.” He said leaning up to give you a kiss. He turned to look at the clock on the beside and saw that it was 6:30. He knew Jared was now letting the photographer in the backyard. “Do you want day twelve?” You smiled and nodded.

When Jensen handed you the last box, you ripped it open and found twelve miniature drums stacked on one another. You pulled it out and admired its beauty of different colors. Jensen then picked up the note out of the box and then reached for your hands.

“Come on. I got a surprise for you outside.” You linked your fingers with his and smiled. When you walked through the living room to the backdoor, everyone watched on.

Jensen led you to the middle of the yard under the lights he hung last weekend. You heard music start playing through the outdoor speakers and you looked up to see Jared standing on the porch.

“You kids have fun out here. Just not too much fun.” He said while wiggling his eyebrows. You laughed and turned back to Jensen.

“May I have this dance?” He asked, holding his hand out. You nodded. “You know Y/N/N, you are the one thing in my life that can make me truly happy. There have been plenty of days that have been complete crap and I see you or call you and I instantly feel like I had the best day of my life. You listen to me and give me words of advice and encouragement. You love me when I don’t think I deserve to be loved.”

“You’ll always deserve love, Jense and I will spend the rest of our days reminding you of that.” You said. He smiled. He stopped dancing with you to hand you the last note. He turned you around and wrapped his arms around you. When you started to read it, he let go.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... twelve drummers drumming

The meaning of this one comes from the Apostles' Creed. I’ll let you look that one up while I tell you what drumming means to me when it comes to you.

You walk to the beat of your own drum. You are the beat of my heart. Your love is a drum and I never want to miss a beat. Now it’s time for your heart to skip a beat in a good way.

I really love you.

J<3

Now turn around baby.

You turned around and gasped when you saw Jensen on one knee holding up a box with a beautiful ring inside.

“Y/N/N baby. I did the 12 Days of Christmas to show you how I see you. To show you what you mean to me. I want to love you for the rest of my life and beyond. I want to be your shoulder to cry on. I want to comfort you when you need it. I want to be part of the reason for that beautiful smile. Will you let me love and care for you for the rest of our lives? Will you marry me Y/N/N?”

You felt tears rush down your face as you smiled.

“Yes. A million times yes Jense.” He smiled and put the ring on your left ring finger. He stood up and wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up spinning you in circles. You put your hands on his face and leaned down to kiss him. “I love you.” You whispered to him as you stared into his eyes.

You heard cheering from the porch. With Jensen still holding you, you both looked up and smiled at your family.

“It’s about time.” You heard Jared yell as he walked down to hug the two of you. “I’ve had to keep this secret for so long.” “You knew?!” You asked, shocked.

“Jensen planned it all, just needed some assistance so you wouldn’t find out. He knows you don’t like surprises and you don’t like waiting for presents.” Jared said while laughing. You shrugged knowing he was right.

You turned back to Jensen and he wrapped his arms around you. “Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world. I can’t wait to call you Mrs. Ackles.”

You smiled at your fiance before giving him one last kiss. You turned towards the rest of the family that followed Jared. You gave everyone a hug and thanked them as they congratulated the both of you. You saw Jensen talking with your brother and Jared and you smiled at him. Even though you were now making it official, both of you were already a part of each other's families.

This was a Christmas you would never forget.

[sweetness47]

Fixing His Regret

Pairing Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1731

Warnings: not many, sex scene, mentions of losing a loved one, being widowed while pregnant, pining, I think there might be one or two swear words? Rated 18+ just in case

This is for @idreamofplaid and her They Belong To Us Now challenge

Prompt #30: “Stay here tonight.” (paired with) Time travel/fix it

Also for SPN Fluff Bingo 2021 square: Childhood sweethearts

And for SPN Kink Bingo 2021 square: Saran Wrap

📷

Dean smiled down from heaven as he watched Sam have a family and enjoy life. It was what he always wanted for his brother. Truth be told, it was what he’d always wished for himself, but the one person he’d wanted for that role was the one person he’d run from long ago.

YN had been one of his friends growing up. Even with all the shit that had stormed through his life, she was the one thing that always kept him going. When his dad would drag them all over, he always wrote to her, and she would write back. When they were close enough to visit in person, she would often keep him company while he was watching Sam.

He'd run because she’d confessed to having feelings for him one night. They were 16. Instead of coming clean and confessing he was in love with her, he’d turned and run away. He stopped communicating with her. Stopped writing to her. All because he was afraid of his feelings. He was afraid that he would make her a widow from hunting. That was no life for someone as amazing as YN. She deserved better. She deserved stability. Marriage to a hunter wouldn’t give her that. She was better off without him. Or at least that’s what he told himself.

But he always thought about her. About the hurt look on her face when he’d walked away from her confession. He could clearly remember the tears pooling in her eyes, and for one second his resolve nearly crumbled. But he maintained that he was doing the right thing, and shut the door on that part of his life forever.

That time he’d tried playing house with Lisa, when Sam had died, it was ok. He filled the emptiness that Sam’s death had left in his chest, but often he wished he’d been able to find YN, beg for her forgiveness, praying that she wasn’t married to someone else.

But he never pursued her. He’d hurt her. He hated himself for destroying her heart like that.

“What are you thinking about Dean?”

Jack’s voice startled Dean. He jumped, then relaxed when he saw Jack approach. “A girl I once knew. She was amazing. Smart, funny, talented, and one of the few friends I had growing up.”

Jack was intrigued. “What happened to her?”

Dean hung his head in shame. “I walked away from her confession of love. I didn’t want her wrapped up in the life of a hunter.”

“Did you tell her that? Did you even ask her if that was a deal breaker? Or did you just assume she was better off.”

Jack’s words stopped Dean in his thoughts. He really hadn’t asked YN how she felt. She knew what his dad did, she’d always known since the first day. But she was too good for this life. She deserved better, didn’t she? He’d done the right thing when he’d walked away, right?

Jack shook his head. “You didn’t ask her. Do you want that chance back? I can give you a second chance Dean. If you want it.”

Dean’s jaw dropped at Jack’s offer. “Seriously?”

Jack nodded.

Dean thought about it. How many times had he wished for a second chance? How many times had he wished he could go back and change that moment? Too many to count, that’s for certain.

“Do it.” Dean turned to Jack, who nodded again, and snapped his fingers.

**

Dean blinked, and as his eyesight adjusted, he found himself at a local diner he frequented a lot as a teenager, especially with YN, who happened to be sitting across from him. He remembered this day. It was the day before her confession to him.

He promised himself that this time, no matter what, he was not walking away. He was determined to stay, to keep her close, to cherish every moment he had with YN. She had been his world, and he would be an idiot to let her go a second time.

So the next evening, when she confessed she had feelings for him, he took her in his arms and admitted, “I love you too YN. A lot more than I ever thought possible.”

That was the moment they shared their first kiss. They became near inseparable after that night. When Dean dropped out of high school to keep his focus on Sam, he made sure to keep YN a part of their lives. She asked him to prom, stating there was no one else she’d rather spend the night with, and he happily said yes.

The first time they spent the night together, it was new for both of them, both physically, and mentally. Their relationship hit new heights. Dean never pushed YN, always the perfect gentleman. It was she who made the suggestion for him to stay.

The night of prom, after the dancing and celebrating were done, Dean had taken her home, like he always did after a date. She invited him in, and he accepted. Her dad was out for the weekend, having accompanied Dean’s dad on a hunt, so it was just the two of them. They cuddled and kissed, till the wee hours of the morning.

When Dean suggested he call it a night, and stood to leave, she caught his arm. “Dean? Don’t go. Stay here tonight. With me.”

Dean swallowed hard. “You sure?” he rasped.

YN nodded. “Definitely.”

Not another word was spoken as she took his hand and lead him to her bedroom. The frilly pink décor hardly occupied his thoughts. Instead, he moved to undress her, his hands shaking, mouth suddenly dry. YN was mirroring his movements, her own nerves showing as she fumbled with his clothes. When they finally free of the offending garments, he let out a low whistle.

“Beautiful.” He whispered.

YN blushed. “Back at ya.” She countered.

Dean leaned down to kiss her then, the passion burning through them as they slowly began to explore each other. Dean’s hand travelled to the sweet junction between her legs, and growled at the wetness he found. YN got a similar reaction when her hand brushed up against his rock solid erection.

Tumbling on to the bed, Dean began stroking YN’s core. She bucked and moaned as his fingers worked her sensitive nub, then slipped inside her tight channel. Her cries echoed off the walls as her walls clamped down on his fingers, her juices spilling free, coating the bed and his hand.

He moved over her. That’s when they both wondered the same thing. Protection.

“Do you have a condom?” she asked.

Dean shook his head. Shit!

YN’s face lit up suddenly. “Wait here. I have an idea.”

She raced out of the room, only to return moments later with a roll of Saran Wrap from the kitchen. Dean chuckled. “Nice.”

She tore off a piece and brazenly took initiative, wrapping his thick cock in the plastic. Then she was back on the bed, and Dean brought her legs up to wrap around his waist. She felt the blunt head as it pushed and stretched at her slick channel, past the virgin barrier, filling her. He kissed away her tears that silently fell, then he stilled, letting her get used to the feeling of him being inside.

When he moved again, she gasped as she came hard, the sensations overwhelming her. Dean thrust in and out, consuming and owning every part of her, body and soul, vowing that from this moment on, she was his, and only his.

The night and most of the next morning, Dean and YN explored their newfound status, making good use of the plastic wrap. They both giggled at the half gone roll as they finally placed it back into the kitchen pantry.

The following week, they spent near every moment together they could find, mostly because they couldn’t get enough of each other. For a graduation present, Dean managed to acquire the most stunning engagement ring, and presented it to her during the grad dinner. People cheered and clapped for the couple, but most importantly, YN’s father and Dean’s dad approved.

They married the following year. YN hunted with the boys, lived with them (obviously), sharing in their triumphs and their sorrows.

Their third year of marriage, YN presented Dean with a gift, their first child, a revelation she’d made known on Father’s day. It was the only child they chose to bring into the world before it was righted again by the brothers, and Jack.

Shortly after that day, YN found herself with child again. Her son was 12 now, and she was thrilled with the idea of surprising him again.

But that day never came.

YN was found herself widowed, and pregnant, after losing the love of her life in what should have been an easy outing for the boys. Sam and YN hugged and cried, as did John, Dean’s son, and made sure to give him a proper funeral fitting for a hunter.

Sam filled in as a male role model for John, while also finding love for himself. YN’s children, and Sam’s, were good friends as well as cousins.

Sam outlived YN by two years. He was there to keep her company when her son and daughter couldn’t. But the entire family were present when YN took her final breath. Both her son and daughter told her it was ok, that she could go and finally be with Dean.

When Dean saw his YN standing on the bridge, he ran to her and picked her up into his arms, swinging her around and showering her with kisses and tears. He praised her over and over about how well she’d done raising John and Mary, but more important, he let her know how happy he was to have her to hold again.

When Dean saw Jack standing there, looking at the two embracing, Dean smiled and hugged Jack, thanking him for giving him his heart back.

Jack just smiled and faded away, leaving the lovebirds to do some serious catching up.

@idreamofplaid @akshi8278 @drkcnry67 @lyarr24

[trekkiehood]

Love Ruins - SPN Fanfic

Title: Love Ruins

Fandom: Supernatural

Words: 2.8k

Setting: Pre-Series Brotherhood AU

Characters: Dean, John, Caleb, Sam, Mac, Jim

Ship: None

Ao3 Link

Summary: After some convincing from his father, Dean decides to drop out of high school.

Sort of a sequel to "Love Reminds Us" by Ridley

Trigger Warnings: Grades Shaming, Embarrassment

Authors Note:

You see I was working on my Febuwhump stories and then suddenly wrote this out of nowhere. It doesn't fit with any of the prompts and I'd be hard pressed to call it whump. So here we are!

~~~

It's probably not my best ever writing but I wrote it in like three hours when I was supposed to be doing other things.

I was inspired after re-reading "Love Reminds Us" by Ridley.

"Dad I can't." Dean regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth.

John spun on him, anger gleaming in his eyes. Sam looked up from where he was reading a book on the couch, a look of shock at Dean's insubordination. "What do you mean you can't."

The eighteen-year-old shrunk back. "I-I have to pass this English test. It's tomorrow and we've gone hunting every night this week."

"Since when do you care about your grades?" John rolled his eyes.

"Since I'm failing and need to bring my grade up if I want to play baseball next month. I've already made the team but they won't let me play if I'm not passing all my classes."

"We don't have time for this, Dean."

"Oh yes, Heaven forbid your son's spend their time on something other than hunting." Sam piped in before returning to his book.

John ignored him. "We don't have time for all this crap and we certainly don't have time for baseball! We might have to move soon."

"But- but you promised we could stay-" And Dean felt all of ten. The look his father shot him confirmed that he sounded like a whining baby.

"Y'know I expect this kind of behavior from your brother but not from you! It just confirms that you need to go on this hunt!"

"Dad, please. Just let me pass this test-"

John's response was unexpected. He pulled out his wallet, pulling out the bills from his last hustle. He slammed down two hundred dollars on the kitchen table. "Drop out, and you can have that." He pointed to the money.

Dean's eyes widened slightly. "Wait, are you serious? You want me to drop out?!"

Sam was once again watching the scene go down, his book forgotten.

"You'll be lucky if you graduate anyway. Just take the money and put us both out of our misery."

"But what about college!" Sam stood from his place on the couch. The fourteen year old had been obsessed with college since the summer before where Mac had given Dean half a dozen college applications to fill out. Dean hadn't even filled out one. But he did keep the baseball scholarship tucked in the bottom of his bag where he was sure no one would find it.

"Your brother isn't going to college. He knows that, I know that, everyone knows that! Dean's a hunter and you are too! The sooner you get that into your thick skull-!"

"It's fine!" Dean cut in. "I'll go on the hunt. Let's just go."

John sent his youngest a final glare before nodding and heading out the door.

~SPN~

Everything hurt. Everything hurt and the lights were too bright and Dean wasn't exactly sure what he was writing. The hunt hadn't been as simple as John had believed it to be and they had arrived back just in time for Dean to stumble into the shower and wake Sam up for school. He certainly hadn't had time to study.

The bell rang and Dean blinked down at his test. He'd done maybe half of it. And he was pretty sure he'd gotten most of those wrong anyway. He turned in his paper without making eye contact with the teacher.

He tried not to think about the test or the implications. He had done a pretty good job at succeeding until lunch when the teacher called him into her room. Dean made the propper show of rolling his eyes at the guy he was sitting with, then followed her back to his English classroom.

"You failed your test. Pretty significantly in fact." She started, very straightforward.

Dean shrugged, "Guess English isn't my thing."

"You do realize that this was your final chance of bringing your grade up before the baseball season starts."

He shrugged again.

The teacher ran her eyes over him and frowned. Dean could just imagine what she was seeing. Maybe it was his black eye. Or possibly the split lip. He had to keep from messing with his sleeve to ensure that the bruises from the poltergeist were covered on his arms.

"Dean," She started, with those cursed compassionate eyes he'd seen far too many times in his life. "If there's something going on, some problem at home, just tell me and we can work this out. I can get you help."

He couldn't help but bristle. "Nothing's wrong. I don't need help. I'm fine. The only thing wrong with me is this stupid school and it's nosy teachers."

The teacher had no chance to respond before he stormed out of the room.

~SPN~

John was sitting at the table when the boys got home. The two hundred dollars were still sitting on the edge of the table. Dean went over, picked up the money and slammed down the school's withdrawal notice.

John nodded with approval.

"No way!" Sam shouted. "You did not!"

"Your brother did what needed to be done, son."

"What- He dropped out of highschool! He's officially a highschool dropout!"

In that statement, Dean heard every teacher whispering behind his back. Every counselor lamenting his fate when they thought the door was closed. "And your point." Dean hissed.

Sam shook his head, barking a laugh. "I always knew you were a pushover but this- this takes it to a whole new level."

Dean flinched when Sam's bedroom door closed.

"Don't worry about him." John smiled. "You made the right choice. Made two hundred dollars out of it too." He winked.

Dean nodded but he had a feeling no one else would agree with his decision. He wasn't even sure that he agreed with it himself.

~SPN~

Sam's obsession with school only grew after Dean dropped out. He took every opportunity to talk about his classes and everything happening. Dean did his best to ignore him.

Dean had gotten a job at the same repair shop as his dad. At least no one there seemed to care what he was doing or gave him speeches about wasted potential.

But now they were heading to Jim's. Dad was working on a case in Kentucky and had decided they could use the time at the Farm. It was cheaper. Sam looked at Dean like his dropping out was the sole reason for them moving.

Dean didn't understand his brother's reaction. Sam had to realize that this was his only option. His dad had made very clear baseball wasn't happening. And his test just confirmed it. Between his dad's training regiment and the hunts he probably wouldn't have been able to bring up his grade. Why waste all that time when he might not pass anyway?

And as for baseball… yeah he was bummed. It sucked he wouldn't get his last season. But that wasn't a fight worth having. It didn't matter with the way his grades were. And the dropping out hadn't shocked anyone. Even his guidance counselor didn't look overly surprised. There was a brief speech about making sure this was the best thing but it was half hearted at best. Everyone knew this was coming. Why disappoint them.

But Mac and Jim… they wouldn't understand. Mac was the champion of education and Jim had always harped on the importance of his studies. Damian was the wild card. Dean remembered Caleb in his senior year trying to convince those around him that dropping out was for the best. In the end he had finished school, largely because he didn't want to set a bad example for Dean. Well there went that. He was dropping out anyway, no example needed.

They pulled into the Farm and Dean noticed Caleb's jeep as well as Mac's rental of choice. All hope of them not being there went out the window. Dean took his time getting out of the car and gathering his things. He hoped to avoid the topic for as long as possible. Dean knew they'd be going in tomorrow to register Sam for school. Dean hoped to see if he could register for the GED while in town. He'd managed to look up some of the laws on a library computer. Thanks to his dad's generous donation, he had more than enough to pay for the test. He was supposed to have been withdrawn for ninety days but he thought he could probably get around it by saying he'd just moved here. Same with the address. He'd just have it sent to the farm and attempt to intercept any mail that happened to come in. He knew he should probably take a course or something to get him ready, but he knew exactly how well that would go down. He'd just have to hope that he wasn't as stupid as people seemed to think that he was.

Dean followed his family inside, carrying both his and Sam's bag. They were greeted by Jim cooking in the kitchen, humming lightly. He smiled when he saw them. "Welcome home boys."

"Yeah for what, two weeks until Dad gets a new case?"

"Sam!" Dean reprimanded, shoving the boys duffel into his arms. "Go take your stuff upstairs."

Jim was unphased by Sam's poor attitude. It had become the norm as of late. "Your room is ready upstairs, and I believe Caleb is up there as well."

Sam didn't answer, huffing up the stairs like he had been tasked with a great burden. Mac then appeared from the Hunter's Tomb. "I was wondering when you all would arrive."

Dean knew he should probably take his own bag upstairs but the idea of having to be in the same room as Sam just then didn't sound overly appealing. But Sam must have just dropped his stuff off because he was already coming back down the stairs, Caleb close behind.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Caleb grinned.

Dean just rolled his eyes. "Good to see you too, Damian."

"Well, dinner is almost ready." Jim said, returning to his stove. "Then we can discuss the game plan for tomorrow. I've already called the school so they should be expecting us."

Dean involuntarily tensed at the mention of school. Caleb's eyes darkened. "You good there, Deuce?"

"Dean's just relieved he doesn't have to worry about it." Sam spit out. With the way Sam treated the situation, you'd think Dean had abandoned a group of starving orphans when he dropped out.

"Sam." Dean growled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Caleb eyed the brothers and Dean made sure to pull up his mental walls.

"Dean doesn't have to worry about school anymore, right Dean?"

"Just shut up, Sam."

"What seems to be the problem?" Mac frowned, his eyebrows showing his confusion and concern.

"My big brother here dropped out of high school." Sam supplied with far too much glee at the uncomfortable position he'd put his brother in.

The young hunter tried to remain casual but could feel the heat rising in his cheeks.

"Dean, is this true?" Macland asked, taking a step forward.

Dean opened his mouth but it was John who spoke. "He's eighteen, he had the right to drop out."

"And you support this?!" Mac gasped in disbelief.

Sam laughed, "Endorsed it? Dad bribed him to do it!"

"Enough Sam." Dean growled. He'd been hoping for more time. Hoping to bring it up in a way that wasn't like releasing a rampaging bull in the middle of a china shop.

"So you're allowed to ruin your life but I'm not allowed to talk about it?"

"Will you just get off my case! It's done. It's over. Drop it!"

"He wasn't going to pass anyway." John added. "It's saving time and money."

Dean pulled into himself. "It was one class, Dad." He felt the need to defend himself in front of the other hunters despite the fact that he'd been thinking the same thing. "I could have brought it up."

"School has never been your thing, Ace. This was the best course of action."

"Jonathan!" Mac exclaimed. "How could you endorse this? What about college?"

"Dean's place isn't at college. He's a hunter and he doesn't need some fancy degree getting in his way. I need him here. Hunting with me and taking care of Sam. That's his place. Not some overpriced college filling his head with useless facts!"

"What happened to setting a good example?" Caleb crossed his arms. Dean wasn't sure exactly what the older boy was thinking. He wasn't sure he wanted to. "Remember that whole spiel you gave me about sticking with it to be an example to your kids."

"That." John matched his posture. "Was at your father's request. And I don't think Dean's dropping out is going to have an effect on Sam. Except maybe to make him graduate top of his class out of spite."

"Can we just drop it? Please." Dean hoped he didn't sound as pitiful as he imagined. "Talking about it isn't going to change it. Dad's right. He needed me on hunts and school was getting in the way."

"Most parents make school a priority." Sam muttered.

"Well this parent prioritizes saving the world to flunking out in a classroom."

The silence that followed was only broken when Jim softly said, "Let's eat."

They gathered around the table in a thick silence. Jim said grace and they started to eat. Dean kept his eyes on his plate, forcing in the food that held no real appeal. The pastor began involving the table with small talk and the tense silence slowly broke away into the normal chatter.

Dean noticed Caleb staring at him but ignored it. He wasn't in the mood for his best friend's condemnation. He'd gotten everyone's message loud and clear.

He was the first to excuse himself, making his way quickly to the room he and Sam shared. He collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and allowing the traitorous thoughts to come. Thoughts that he had tried to drown out since he was a kid. Thoughts about being normal and having a normal family that did normal things. He wondered briefly how different things would be if his mom hadn't died. Would they still be in Kansas, baseball contract signed with a big party planned for after his graduation?

He needed to stop. If he didn't he was going to start crying or something else incredibly girly.

A knock at the door had him sitting up. Great. Here came the lectures.

"It's me." Caleb said.

He plopped back down on the bed. "Door's unlocked."

"You left dinner pretty quick. Pastor Jim hadn't even brought the pie out."

"I doubt you're here to talk about pie so just get it over with." He answered, eyes trained on the ceiling above him.

Caleb sighed, sitting on Sam's bed. "I'm not mad at you."

"Well that's a relief." He rolled his eyes.

"But I do want to know why."

"You heard Dad's spiel."

"That's Johnny's reasoning. I want to know yours."

Dean turned to look at him. "Dude, he offered me two hundred bucks to stop going to school. How is that not the dream."

"What about baseball?"

Dean looked away. "I wasn't going to play anyway. You have to be passing to play."

"And you weren't passing."

"No. Thought Dad made that pretty clear."

"He shouldn't have called you out like that."

"But he was right. I couldn't bring up my English grade. I should have taken his offer before I embarrassed myself with that test."

Caleb frowned, "So, you didn't take the chance immediately."

"What does it matter, Damian? I dropped out. No one's surprised. I'm pretty sure the counselor already had the forms in my file."

"And college?"

"We both knew that was never going to happen."

"You can still go if you want. You could go back to school. Or even get your GED-"

"Will you just stop! I get it, okay?! It was stupid. I ruined my future. It doesn't matter, Caleb. The only thing I'll ever be is a hunter. It's the only thing in the cards. And if I recall, you wanted to drop out just as bad and if your dad would have let you, you would have."

"But I didn't. And I graduated from Auburn and started my own company."

"Great. You can add that to your list along with a trust fund and a supportive parent."

"You're not going to change your mind."

"No. I'm not."

"Fine. But answer me this. And I'll know if you're lying."

"Whatever."

"If your dad didn't tell you to drop out, would you have?"

Dean didn't answer, staring at the ceiling. Then he sighed. "I had to drop out just as much as you had to graduate."

Caleb frowned, but nodded. "I'll ask Mac to spare you the speech."

"Thanks." His mouth twitched slightly.

"And if you're really good, I might even save you a piece of pie."

"You're all heart, Damian."

"Don't insult me." He grunted as he rose from the bed. "Now. I'd get back to fake sleeping before brainboy decides to come up and ruin the peace and quiet."

Dean didn't answer as Caleb left, shutting the door behind him.

~TH~

Be sure to let me know what you think!

And be on the lookout for... a lot of stories come February. I really am hoping to post one every day and while not all are brotherhood, a lot are.

I live and breathe comments, so I would greatly appreciate feedback :)

God bless,

Jamie

[bubblegumbeech]

Fic Writer Review

  @aj-itated Tagged me forever ago but here it is!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 40!!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?    247,675

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?  I’ll say 12 and not count things like Marvel and thor movies as separate. They are: Danny Phantom, MCU, Moon Knight (he’s different), Doctor Who, Supernatural, Ghost Hunt, Mandalorian, Gravity Falls, Merlin, One Piece, Solo Leveling (most of these I only have like a single one shot or tbh)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “You want us to sign the What” “(Not) a mistake” “A different reason” “dream of me” and “beneath different stars” ALL fics I wrote in my other account before I merged them.

5. Which of your fic do you want more attention for?  MY FUCKING GHOST HUNT INVISOBANG FIC I BLED FOR THAT ASSHOLES!! WHY IS THAT GETTING LESS TRACTION THAN HALF THE SHITTY ONE SHOTS I WROTE???!!! It’s called Hunting and Hiding

6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I do, but also I am bad at it so sometimes i take a really really long time, IDK what it is but it’s the same thing that makes it hard for me to do @ games like this. It’s just... hard to respond to stuff

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I wanted to say “House Wife” but I think it might actually be “Home with no memories” cause that fic was a treat for me specifically <3

8. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you’ve written? I LOVE crossovers!! Craziest I’ve Ever written is def “Awake in Time” where Dean’s car accidentally gains sentience because of accidental repeat interactions with the Doctor’s Tardis

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic? I can’t think of any, BUT There was someone who made a whole tumblr callout post for Dark Ages (A ship I more or less started) and that was fun

10. Do you write smut? if so what kind?  I don’t. I tend to delve in a different direction flat out sex is unappealing to me in my own writing cause I don’t really care to explore it, I tend to just kinda hand wave it.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I’m aware of

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, But I wrote fic based off another persons OC once? I also did Invisobang with @clueless-one but they did Art for it so not really a co-write

13. What’s your all time favorite ship? Uhhhhh that changes depending on the day but since I built Dark Ages from the ground up and the ship is Basically my child? They’re my fav

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? ... I will finish them. I will. I have to tell myself that... but I have an unposted wip that retells Spn as a roll swap between the brothers and Cas and Gabriel except they’re also genderswapped that I only ever wrote like one chapter for and prob wont ever acctually do anything with

15. What are your writing strengths? I like to think I’m good at keeping character consistent. <3

16. What are your writing weaknesses? ... pacing. It’s def pacing.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I think, unless it’s small obvious terms of endearment or things that are common in the fandom specifically, it’s always best to just write the dialogue and then describe it as being spoken in a different language. Or if the POV char doesn’t understand it, say that. Like: He spoke a random language, probably russian but hell if ___ could tell. Or: Then she started speaking rapid-fire spanish, and despite ____’s high school lesson’s she was really only able to pick out a word or two and not much else.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?  Supernatural

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?  Time Just Out of Reach

20. What fic are you most proud of?  My OC centric fic “Curiosity Killed the Kat” because it was the first multi-chapter story I ever did, AND I FINISHED IT

Tagging: (sorry if you already got tagged)

@clueless-one  @floralflowerpower  @kawaiijohn @currentlylurking

[eddielala]

Okay, I won’t sleep.

Here’s my goddamn summary and explanation of the meta. Because I have to say it.

1. They cut the ‘I love you’ scene . You know why? It was a hint that this episode won’t be about them.

2. We don’t know how long Dean was in the bunker and cried. We do know he didn’t pick up the phone the first time Sam called.

3. Dean arrives with the Impala. You can see he’s broken. And I really mean fucking goddamn broken. Jensen acted it very well and in character. He looks to the ground, he tries not to cry, his eyes flutter. He doesn’t realize what Jack and Sam are saying, you literally can see him thinking. Cas told him he loves him and died, that’s not easy to handle. Not for Dean, who’s still unsure about his sexuality.

4. “He saved me”. Well, he didn’t say ‘he loves me’. But ‘he saved me’ is the exact same thing for Dean, because he’s the man who doesn’t deserve to be saved. Saving him was Cas’ love confession and with telling Sam and Jack about it, he said ‘he loves me’. And come on, Dean talking about feelings would be out of character. We see a drunk Dean sleeping between beer bottles, that’s enough.

5. The dog is Cas. Not in person, but it’s kind of an incarnation. The angel with the puppy eyes, loyal, brave. Dean sees Cas in it and that’s the reason he falls in love with ‘Miracle’. He dies because of god and the moment of joy is over. Btw in the end you can see the dog again. Sooo, maybe Cas is on his way?

6. Adam is dead. It was only Michael and Adams body. And after Michael is killed Adam is gone forever. Maybe it’s a message because the fans always made fun that the writers and the boys forgot their brother. Now he’s gone.

7. The Cas call scene. You can see the desperate in Deans eyes. I already saw some posts about it and they were on point. The moment of hope in Deans eyes when he hears Cas’ voice, he jumps off and runs upstairs. That’s love btw. He wants so bad that it’s Cas, even he knows it’s nearly impossible.

8. Lucifers comeback. Maybe fan service? Mark was a brillant Lucifer. And we have the situation of the archenemies again: Lucifer and Michael, both with daddy issues. One last fight. And, surprise, Luci dies. The “good” one wins. Luci is now in the empty again... isn’t he? But I think his death is permanently. They wanted to solve the problem with the whole ‘in SPN nobody stays dead’ thing. But dunno, I didn’t look up the cast for next week’s episode.

9. The reaper. Well, I was in shock when she showed up. I really thought it’s Cas in a female vessel but it was just a reaper. Luci kills her, here’s new death. Well, they needed someone to open up the goddamn book. Wasn’t very exciting. And she was dead as fast as she was alive. I think the writers didn’t know how to open up the book otherwise.

10. The plan. What a rush. And how could god not know it? He’s omniscient? Hm... well, I think the most important scene was the one when Dean asks god to bring Cas back. The anger in his eyes, mixed with desperation. He would kill his brother, but Cas has to live. That’s character development, you can’t tell me otherwise. And that’s also plot development.

11. Michael’s death. Kill off and gone. Well, I think they had to get rid of him. But he died through the hands of his loved father. Could be a hint that daddy issues have to be solved and shows that Chuck is a goddamn son of a bitch.

12. Jack. Oh, he’s an adult now! I think it was the best what could happen to our baby. He always felt not strong enough and now he’s god. That’s a promotion! It was a good decision: Jack was not controlled by his feelings - sure he had bad days, but his wisdom was greater than god’s actually. The reason is that he’s half an angel. And he’s half an human. God made the angels the image and likeness of himself but he wasn’t satisfied by the result. So he created humanity the same way. Jack is a combination out of god’s objective, destructive side and god’s loving, emotional side. And both sides were always in balance, and that’s the reason he could be a energy - how did they call it - sucking hole without getting destroyed by gods and Amaras power. Because these powers need balance and Jack could give it to them.

13. God. God’s an asshole. And we know he represents the writers of Supernatural. When Chuck beats the shit out of Dean and Sam it’s actually a message: The writers harmed them so many times, the whole series is a fucking drama. It represents how they dealt with them, they send them to hell and back so many times. They tortured them, broke their hearts. That’s the last time the writers harm them so much. Because they - Chuck - looses his powers. Dean and Sam take over the situation. Dean and Sam represented and influenced by Jensen and Jared. And by the fans. The writers aren’t able to change them anymore. They are what we want them to be. Because they don’t have the power anymore.

14. The book. We see the white pages of the book. God can’t see what’s written there. The pages are blank. This means the writers are finished. They don’t have something to say anymore. The story got told and there’s nothing what follows. The pages are white and ready for stories from other people. Fanfics, fanarts, and so on. Chuck, the writers, tell us there’s nothing left to say. It’s over.

15. Dean doesn’t kill god. Chuck provokes Dean to kill him and Dean says to him, that’s not who he is. You remember Cas said it this to him, right. It’s not a love confession but something like this. He finally accepts who he is and that he has feelings and not only a raised killing machine. He accepts himself. Maybe that’s a good sign for the next episode.

16. Jack disappears. I know he’s family but for real: he found his happiness being a god. He will change the world. I already said why he’s perfect for this job. And his disappearance is... well, gives me a comfortable feeling. He’s in peace and he found his mission of life. And you can’t tell me he didn’t bring back Eileen and the others. We don’t know if he can bring back Cas out of the empty. But I think he would bring Cas back if he could. Maybe he couldn’t and the story gets told in the last episode. However, Jack did a great job.

17. The ending. Yeah, what did we expect? They already told us with the season’s posters that it’s about Sam and Dean. And only them. And I can understand why Dean seems to be happy there. They literally saved the goddamn world again. But I don’t think it’s only this. They are free now. That means they can become what they want - what the fans want because the writers lost their power. And maybe that’s a hint on Destiel being confirmed by Dean in the next episode. And they’re driving with the Impala but we don’t know where they will go. Hmm... and maybe Dean smiled because he had hope again? Hope to save his... boyfriend?! Don’t know, but he’s able to do it now.

So, maybe I’m too romantic but that’s what I think. I think we see Cas again and that they will be together. I don’t know and I don’t think we will get a love confession from Dean (I know, sad. I thought we get it). But I think there’s hope. Maybe - that’s only a theory - they don’t want to make it completely canon because they argue that the end should offer enough possibilities for the fans to write and draw and so on. I would be pissed if that’s the argument, I mean queerbaiting is real but we don’t know.

I don’t find an answer in the confusing statements of the actors and the crew. Misha said he’s not in this episodes, but he was on set. It’s canon, but Dean doesn’t reciprocate? What the hell? It’s a mess and they have to clean it up for the fans. They said it won’t be a ‘Game of Thrones’ ending and hell yes, I don’t want that. It would suck. Also they said the ending would make 30% of the fans happy - maybe that’s us. We’ll see.

Edit: Btw I wrote it before, I think it’s true that Cas gets more attention in the last episode because of the fact it’s the series finale. Cas wasn’t just part of the season and we know it was the season finale, he’s part of the whole series for years. So why not bring him back for the series finale?

[fictionallemons]

My Supernatural Story

For years people told me I should watch Supernatural. "Oh, you like Sherlock and ship Johnlock, you would love Supernatural. Oh, you like writing fanfic, you should watch Supernatural." But I never did. I chalk it up to it starting the year I cut the cord on cable TV. By the time Supernatural started streaming it had been on so long I thought there was no way I could catch up.

Flash forward to 2019. I'm looking for something to watch when doing dishes and stuff because there's only so many time you can rewatch Murder, She Wrote (it's a lot, but there's still a limit). Another mom at the bus stop mentions Supernatural when I ask for show recommendations. "It's starting its last season. The first five seasons are the best, but it's still pretty good."

I look up how many seasons it's been by now and my jaw drops. Fifteen seasons? Jesus Christ. But the fact that it's officially ending give me motivation. Something about knowing exactly how many episodes I'm in for if I end up liking it makes me feel better about the whole thing. I'm also looking for a new fandom and I know there's an entire world of SPN fanfiction out there so if I end up liking the show, then I have a ton of fic open to me. I've been on Tumblr for a couple of years at this point, mostly for Sherlock, so I'm aware of this ship called Destiel, and I know it's pretty huge, so who knows, maybe I'll get into it.

I watch the first episode one sunny September afternoon before the kids get home from school. It's a little scary, a lot dark—I mean, the cinematography is like super dark, and I spend most of the episode wondering how I've gone this far in my life without knowing how fucking adorable Jensen Ackles's stupid face is. I came for the entry to the fanfiction, I stayed for Dean, not going to lie. Don't get me wrong, I like Sam, too, but even though in real life Jared Padalecki and I are the same age, when I start watching he's 22 and I'm 37, and I see him as a kid. Then I'm like—where's this Castiel character I've heard so much about? Quick Google later…he doesn't show up until the FOURTH SEASON? Are you serious? I have to watch three whole seasons before meeting the character I'm supposed to be shipping with my idiotic, adorable Dean?

Turns out I didn't mind waiting because I last all of three episodes before I break down and search the Dean/Sam tag on AO3. I learn the term Wincest. I cringe. Then I Google "starter Wincest recs." I'm in denial about this ship. I find Invisible Boy and other Weecest fics and think, gross. There's no way I can read about underage brothers. Blech. I start with Nyxocity. I don't want to read too far ahead of where I am in the show, so I start slow. But it's inexorable. Inevitable. The more I read, the more it all makes so much sense. What brother is going to literally sell his soul and damn himself to Hell to save his baby brother? Said brother is definitely in love with baby brother. Becoming Wincest trash is easy. And, shocker, my tolerance grows to a point where even Weecest doesn't bother me, as long as it's good. By the time the fabled Castiel shows up on the scene, I'm so deeply involved in Sam and Dean's love story that I kind of find Cas annoying. Handsome and charismatic, but annoying. Not to mention constantly fucking up.

And remember when I said I stayed with the show for Dean? True, I still spend a good portion of every show marveling over the way the camera adores Jensen's face, but Sam, strong, smart Sam grew on me so hard. (Soulless Sam rivals Dean on the hot scale any day imo.) He's another flavor of adorable.

So I make it to the end of Season Five. Swan Song, aka a Wincest love letter. I sob my way through it and think. Okay. I could stop now. I'd be okay to stop. But there were so many legendary episodes I had heard of and couldn't bring myself to watch out of order, like Baby and the Scooby Doo crossover. Not to mention my poor Sam is in hell…or is he?…and Dean and Lisa make me want to throw up in my mouth. And the fanfiction obsession's getting worse. At this point, I'm deeply into J2 fics as well (all the fun of Wincest without the pesky incest part), and reading the occasional Destiel fic even though it doesn't really do anything for me, but there are so many interesting characters that my favorite writers reference and I have no idea who they are: Charlie? Benny?  Rowena? Jack? I don't know who these people are, but I know I won't be complete until I find out. So I keep watching. And reading. And, yes, eventually writing my own Wincest and J2 fics, too.

By the time the show shuts down in March, I've watched probably half the episodes. By the time it comes back in October, I've caught up. I've watched every episode there is. Seven left. Seven episodes I'll have to actually wait a whole week in between to watch, like the old days.

I sob when Cas dies in Despair. The guy grew on me, even though I never could ship him and Dean canonically. The fact that the writers made canon that he was in love with Dean really changes the entire way I view the show now. Not in a bad way, just…the show really isn't about romance. It's about Sam and Dean and saving the world. So while I'm sad to lose Cas, I'm happy they're ending the show the way it started, with Dean and Sam and the Impala. I love how they dealt with Chuck and I cry when Jack fades away. I sob again when they pull a motherfucking montage on us at the end of 15x19. But I'm happy it's just the two of them again. (I am kind of disappointed that the series started with Sam as the emotional core, and then shifted to Dean, and never quite figured out how to shift back. Yes, Sam's awesome, and he's had some moments to shine, and he's saved Dean as many times as Dean's saved him. But has his arc really been as epic as Dean's turned out to be?)

And yet I'll be okay if they drive off into the sunset together, literally. Even if they die, if they die together and end up in their shared heaven, I'll be okay. I need my boys to be together, forever and always. I need them to have each other. I need them to have peace. I need them to choose each other, over and over again, always and forever. It sucks for everyone they've met and loved that all those people are basically collateral damage in the Sam and Dean Save the World Show, but oh well. That's the show. That's why I watched 327 episodes in 14 months. That's why I've worried about these boys since episode one. That's why I'm grateful I finally started watching. In Cas's words, the show changed me. Yes, I joined the fandom about fourteen years too late.

Better late than never.

My Wincest fics on AO3 My J2 fics on AO3 My bookmarks on AO3 in case you want recs

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

Finally Free ~ A SPN Finale Fix It

A/N: Hello my lovelies! For those of you who follow this blog, this may come out of nowhere because I pretty much keep to the MCU. But, I’m a long time viewer of SPN and well, I’m a little a lot salty about the finale. Like salty enough to protect against ALL the ghosts. So this happened. I hope for any of you who watch and wanted a different ending that you enjoy this. This is mostly for @supermusicallee​. Love you, hon! 

Summary: Life after Jack takes over is good all around. This picks up and goes canon divergent from the end of 15x19. Some of the dialogue is close/the same as the eps. But I didn’t rewatch so I can’t say for sure. 

Characters/Ships: Sam, Dean, Cas, Eileen, Jack; Destiel, Saileen

Rating: T 

Warnings: SPOILERS THROUGH 15X20, general saltiness on the part of the author, canon level violence, and a good dose of fluff and found family 

Word count: 1408

Enjoy! 

“I don’t think he’s coming with us,” Sam said, eyes never leaving Jack.

“Of course he’s coming with us. He can do whatever he wants. He’s God.”

“Jack?”

“Chuck wrote himself into the story. That was his mistake.”

“Yeah, but you’re already a part of our story.”

“You’re our family. Our son. Isn’t it a little late to write yourself out?” Dean rationalized. “I mean a beer from time to time wouldn’t hurt.”

Jack hummed and thought before smiling to himself.

“I suppose you’re right.”

Jack produced a book from behind his back, handing it to Sam.

“When you go home, put up this warding. It will conceal my presence when I come to visit.”

It was less than they wanted but it was better than the alternative.

“Jack,” Dean spoke hesitantly.

“Yes, Dean.”

“What about Cas?”

Jack’s smile was serene.

“Castiel is saved.”

“Is he back at the bunker?”

That would make the most sense since Jack had returned everyone to their last place.

“No, he isn’t.”

“Then where is he?” Dean’s voice was sharp.

“Waiting for me in heaven.”

“Why the hell is-“

“I need his help. But he will return to you soon, Dean. I promise.”

Sam nodded and Dean seemed conflicted between elation and impatience.

“I need him back, Jack.”

“I know. But I need him for just a little while longer.”

Dean settled slightly, but still looked impatient.

“He will come home, Dean. For now, he and I have work to do. Saving people. Fixing things. That’s what you taught me to do.”

The brothers cracked a smile.

“Yeah it is,” Dean chuckled.

“Goodbye for now.”

“Goodbye, Jack.”

“See ya later, kid.”

Jack placed his hand over his heart and waved before walking away and disappearing.

Dean stared after him a few minutes longer before looking over at Sam. He already had his phone out and was texting furiously.

“Eileen okay?” he asked knowingly.

“Yeah. Yeah, she’s okay.”

“What do you say we grab a beer and I’ll drop you at her place on my way to check on Jody and the girls.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

 Sam called Bobby and confirmed all the hunters were alive and on their way back to their lives, promising to check in with everyone in a few days.

Dean smiled as he leaned on the Impala as Sam engulfed Eileen in a bone-crushing hug. He looked away when his baby brother leaned down to kiss her, softly cradling her face in his giant hands.

Once they’d had their moment Eileen approached Dean and gave him a tight hug as well.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Dean spoke and signed.

“Me too,” she responded. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Nah, you two don’t need a third wheel. I’m going to head to Sioux Falls. Jody says to come for dinner when you’ve had your fill of canoodling.”

“We’ll be there soon,” Sam assured him.

“Take your time,” Dean ordered. “Have fun.”

 Dean beamed as he pulled up to the familiar house. Jody was waiting by the door, having heard the Impala’s engine. Miracle followed him out of the car dutifully.

“Hey, stranger.”

“Hey yourself. It’s good to see you, Jody. It’s been way to long.”

Dean hugged her for a full two minutes. Jody stroked his hair, knowing he had gone through so much more than she knew and he needed a good hug.  

“Dean, what happened?” she asked when he finally let go, swiping at a stray tear that had escaped.

“It’s a long story.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I made a big dinner. Come on inside.”

 The boys spent a month driving around visiting family and checking on the hunters before returning to the bunker. They fell into an easy routine. Sam kept his ear to the ground for cases and helped out whatever hunters called in, but he also went out with Eileen every other weekend and she worked out of the bunker unless it was an active case.

Dean was thrilled for his little brother, those two were definitely falling in deep. But it was also hard to be around them. Dean missed Cas and the words left unsaid seemed to burn in his throat like the whiskey he’d always favored.

He knew Cas would be back. He trusted Jack, but Dean Winchester had never been a patient man.

While they were at a nearby pie festival, they got word about a strange murder nearby. The case led them to a barn. It was always a creepy barn.

The fight was going well until Dean lost his machete and was suddenly being bull rushed by an overgrown vamp. He was bracing for impact with something solid. His eyes widened as he felt a sharp tip at his back before he was yanked violently to the side. He landed and rolled over as the vamp roared, impaled on the rebar he’d felt in his back seconds ago. The roar was cut off when his head was efficiently lopped off by his savior in a trench coat.

“Cas?”

“Hello, Dean.”

Castiel’s smile was bright, unmarred by the streak of blood on his cheek as he helped Dean to his feet. Dean clung to his shoulders for a moment, taking him in before hugging him, making sure he was real.

Sam had also beheaded his vamp and was watching the pair, relief washing over his feature.  

“You’re really back.”

“I’m really back.”

“For good?”

“For good.”

Dean reluctantly let go of him, so Sam could reunite with his best friend. His eyes drifted to the vampire on the rebar, knowing it was almost him.

That would have been a bullshit way to go out.

“We should get those boys safe and then head home.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

 The three of them shared a few beers and Cas told them what he and Jack had been doing. Heaven. The Empty. Purgatory. They’d all been set to rights. He’d left Hell in Rowena’s more than capable hands.

Dean was quiet, petting Miracle and scraping the label off his beer with his thumb as he watched Cas. Anxiety itched beneath his skin. Partly because he was certain that if he blinked Cas would disappear and partly because he still wasn’t sure he’d find the words to say what he wanted.

Sam stood up suddenly.

Was it sudden? Dean wasn’t sure.

Either way it startled him.

“I’m gonna call it a night.”

“Alright. Good night, Sammy.”

“Night, Dean. Night, Cas. I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too. Good night, Sam.”

Miracle, sensing the tension in the room, whined and nosed against Dean’s thigh.

“It’s okay, boy. Go lie down.”

One more head butt and Miracle trotted off. The library was quiet.

“You know, you’ve still got quite the timing, Cas. I was almost a hunter kebab back there.”

“I know. I’ve been watching over you.”

Dean hummed and inclined his head.

“Not too busy rebuilding heaven?”

“No, we’ve been done for some time,” he admitted.

“So you didn’t want to come back.”

“No, I did. I just wasn’t sure that I was ready to face you. I wasn’t sure that I was ready to hear your response to my er… confession.”

“But you’re here now.”

“I am. And you don’t have to respond.”

“Oh I’m gonna respond. You’re a dumbass,” Dean scoffed as he got up from his chair.  

Cas’ brow furrowed into his patented confused puppy look.

“Well that wasn’t the response I was expecting. If you’re upset about my deal with the empty it was to save Jack, and-”

“Cas, stop for a second.”  

Dean leaned on the table in front of him, cupping Castiel’s cheek, forcing him to look at him.

“You’re a dumbass because you didn’t think I loved you. I love you.”

“Like a brother,” Cas qualified. “Like Sam.”

“Not like Sam. Not like Jack. Not like anyone I’ve ever met. I love you in the ‘I want to spend every moment of forever with you’ way. And I’m not sure that’s what you meant, but-”

“Now who’s a dumbass. Dean, you are everything to me. I’m in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you too.  And I’m sorry that we lost so much time thinking we couldn’t have each other. But, we’re free now. And I can spend a lifetime making it up to you.”

“I like that plan.”

Dean leaned down and Cas happily met him halfway. Their first kiss was worth the wait.

A/N: So that’s my take on it. I hope you enjoyed!

Tag List: 

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[kyber-kisses]

Calling Out (Part 2)

Dean Winchester x Reader

Find Part 1 HERE

Warnings: description of injuries, near death experience, hospitals. . . angst.

Summary: when a case goes sideways leaving the reader in the hospital, Dean, Sam, and Charlie search desperately for a way to help her. . . But time is running out.

A/n: ok so I know it’s been literal months since I wrote the first part but it was only since yesterday that inspiration finally struck! Hope you enjoy! (also all the medical stuff i just searched so if you actually know your stuff please don’t attack me.)

“Charlie, Sam- please tell me you’ve found something.”

Shoulders slumping Dean let out another sigh, halting his pacing momentarily to look over at the duo seated across the otherwise empty waiting room.

Pacing. He had been doing so much of that lately, especially ever since your monitors went crazy and all of a sudden he, (alongside Sam and Charlie) was being pushed out of your room by several nurses. Dean had tried fighting against them, not wanting to leave you in the hands of strangers. What if you woke up? What if you had no idea where you were? What if something happened and you didn’t- Dean quickly shook his head in an attempt to clear the terrible thoughts from his head. No, you were going to be fine. You were always fine. You were the strongest out of all of them.

But all he could think about was how sudden it had been. You were fine one second and the next? Your heart monitor was going insane and your chest was rising and falling in an unsteady rhythm and he thought he was watching you die. Your eyes still closed, locking you in a monster induced coma.

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt that scared.

It also didn’t help that that had all happens hours ago. Hours. Hours of pacing back and forth, back and forth until he thought his legs might fall off.

“No, sorry Dean. I’ve raked through everything we had on djinns but I can’t find anything.”

The older Winchester let out another groan before turning to the redhead next to his brother. “Charlie?” He tried, a twang of hopefulness in his voice.

“I’m still looking. If I do find something you’ll be the first person I tell.”

Running a slightly shaky hand through his hair, Dean continued his pacing. If he wasn’t careful he might wear tracks in the sandpaper like carpet.

“Dean, do you really want to be talking about the case right now?” Sam questioned, closing the book he had in front of him so he could give his brother his attention. “I mean, Y/N-“

“I literally want to talk about anything that isn’t the possibility of Y/N dying in the other room.” Dean stopped again, his voice ever so slightly cracking as he spoke.

Dean watched as Sam opened his mouth, clearly ready to speak. . But was stopped short when the massive set of doors behind him swung open, the nurse from earlier stepping out into the waiting room, clipboard in hand. It didn’t even take Dean a second before he was spinning around to give her his full attention. His heart sinking lower into his chest at the expression on her face.

“Y/N, is she-“ he couldn’t bring himself to say the word. Afraid that if he muttered it it might come true.

You weren’t dead. You weren’t.

“We’ve done what we could, but she’s stable for now.”

“What happened?” Pushing himself out of his own seat, Sam crossed the waiting room with Charlie close on his heels.

“It’s called a primary spontaneous pneumothorax. It typically happens when there is a rupture of a small air sac on the outside of the lung. This causes air to leak into the cavity around the lung.” The nurse explained, tucking her board under her arm. “ it caused a partial lung collapse but it wasn’t too sever meaning it’s possible for it to heal on its own. As of right now she only needs oxygen and rest.”

Dean was silent as he tried to comprehend what she had said. She made it seem like everything was going to be fine. . . But none of it sounded fine at all. You were still in a magically induced coma and looking like you got run over by a freight train. Now you had a partially collapsed lung to add to it all.

“Ok. . . But how did this happen? I thought she was stable?” He finally spoke, running a hand over his mouth as he tried to wrap his head around it.

“Her fractured rib was the probable cause of it, but we’re keeping a close eye on her still. Don’t you worry.” She smiled.

She fucking smiled.

Dean bit his tongue so he didn’t lash out. Don’t worry? That’s all he had been doing. That all he was going to do until you were safe and fully healed.

“You’re welcome to go back and see her.”

“Is she still-“

“Unconscious? I’m afraid so.” The nurse nodded. “We’re looking for a cause to that as well.”

“Well you’re not gonna find one.” Dean muttered softly under his breath, already turning to head towards the room you had previous been set up in. He had already been separated from you for too long.

It took everything in the hunter not to book it full speed down the mostly empty hallway towards your room, his heart thumping a staccato rhythm in his chest. He had left Charlie and Sam in the dust to collect their laptops and lore books- but he didn’t care. He needed to be near you. Watching over you. Keeping you safe from threats that doctors couldn’t handle.

When he stepped into your room he saw another nurse still at your bedside tapping at things on the monitor while glancing over at you every few seconds or so. Other than that the room was empty.

“She’s doing well all things considered.” The dark haired nurse nodded, looking over her shoulder at Dean momentarily before going back to her task. “You’re wife’s a tough one. She should pull through.”

“Oh she not my-“ he started, pushing down the sudden heat that had invaded his cheeks.

“Well anyway, she’s lucky to have someone who cares so much about her.” Backing away, the nurse gathered her things and walked out the door, passing Sam and Charlie as she did.

As the older Winchester stepped closer to the bed he felt his heart drop all over again. You looked worse than last time. Your skin was several shades paler and your cheeks were getting hollow. It didn’t help that your injuries were taking forever to heal. Sure it had only been a week since this all happened, but you looked so weak, so fragile. And those were words that should never be used to describe you.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?” Unable to tear his eyes from you, Dean only lent his ears to his brother, resuming his spot from before and slipping his hand into yours. Your pulse allowing him to let out a sigh of relief.

“Charlie and I were talking, and we thought we might try the library a few blocks away. See if they have any more lore books we can look through.”

“Yeah, yeah. You kids go have fun.” He muttered , shifting ever so slightly to wipe a strand of hair away from your eyes, being careful not to disturb the oxygen tube. One wrong move and he was afraid you might shattered like china.

“Dean, you need a break too. The nurses will watch over her.” Sam sighed, re-adjusting his belongings in his arms.

“I got one when we were stuck in that waiting room for several hours. I’m fine.”

“Sams right, Dean. You at least need to sleep-“

“Charlie, I said I’m fine.” Letting out another sigh, Dean allowed his elbows to rest on the side of your hospital bed, resting his cheek on the back of your hand. “Call me if you guys find anything.”

Drawing in a breath, Sam gave into defeat before sharing a look with the red-head. Neither of them had ever seen Dean like this and it was just another thing to add to the growing list of concerns.

“Alright, fine. Do you at least want us to pick you up some food?”

“I don’t care.” The words leaving Dean so quietly that they almost didn’t hear it.

Giving you and Dean one last look the two left the room once more, carrying most of the hope with them. Deans was fading. He didn’t want it to but he couldn’t stop it. He was afraid.

“You are not allowed do die on me, you got that?” He swallowed, already feeling a lump form in his throat. “I’ve got some really important things I need to say to you so I’m gonna need you to get better.”

Dean paused once more, contemplating whether or not to say the words bouncing around inside his head. He’d never said them out loud before. Even just thinking about it made his tongue feel like lead. . .But no one was here. No one was listening.

“You know, I didn’t want to fall in love. Not at all. Because this life, you know- you can’t afford getting close. There’s a good chance it will slip away if you do. . . But at some point you smiled, and holy shit, I blew it.” He squeezed your hand gently, praying that you would open your eyes at any second. “Maybe it was just bound it happen. I’ve known you for so long. . . Anyways I’m gonna need you to pull through because I want to say it to your face. I can’t lose you. Not now, not ever.”

Leaning back in his seat, Dean raked his freehand through his hair (a nervous tick he had picked up over the years.) watching you sadly. Sam and Charlie would find something. He knew they would.

“C’mon Y/N, you gotta wake up.”

To Be Continued. . .

SPN Taglist (still open!)

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[smol-and-grumpy]

Sharing Is Caring

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Demon!Reader x Demon!Dean

Summary: Season 10, where Sam started to drink Demon blood again because his brother was gone. Sam was determined to get his brother back and Dean? Well, Dean was glad that Sam and Y/N found him and share him.

Warnings: NSFW, wincest, threesome, dark fic, oral, voyeurism, anal play, anal sex, bare backing, finger fucking, felching, come play, knife play, Sam drinking demon blood from his brother.

WC: 2091

A/N: This is a fic I once wrote for SPN Kink bingo 2019. I edited it and am now bringing it back. Heed the warnings! If you don’t like it, don’t read.

SPN Masterlist

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Sam knew that he had to find his brother — at any cost. 

He was not going to lose Dean. Not again. 

He still remembered how it was when Dean went to hell. How it was when Dean went to Purgatory and Sam practically gave up on Dean. Dean was mad when he came back. 

Sam still remembers as if it was yesterday. So now? He isn’t going to make the same mistake again. Even though Dean first didn’t want to be found because he hid himself from Sam and instead he went on a prowl with Crowley.

This time, though, Sam doesn’t want to save Dean. 

No. 

Dean’s past saving and so is he.

The moment Sam noticed Dean was gone, he knew that he had to search for his brother because after all, Dean was the only thing Sam had left. The only constant in his life was gone and he needed it back. 

After a couple of days, Sam decided to lure in Demons, in the hopes to find Dean, but when neither of them knew Dean’s whereabouts, he began to slice them up and drink their blood. That was the story of how he came to drink demon blood again, and he couldn’t get enough of it.

Sam found himself a companion, too. Y/N was a demon who wasn’t following Abbadon and he came to trust her. It was almost the same as with Ruby, only she was much kinkier, and she knew that Dean was Sam’s priority.

They found Dean in a bar - where else would he be? He was singing karaoke that night when Sam walked in with Y/N, and got booed by the audience, but that didn’t seem to faze Dean. Sam watched from the back, smiling brightly because all the hard work had finally paid off. His heart started to flutter strangely when his brother’s emerald green and empty eyes met his.

Dean walked down from the stage and disappeared through the back entrance right after, not really wanting to see Sam, but Sam was quicker.  He had sent Y/N to the back, in case Dean tried to make an escape, and it turned out to have been the right move. She could hold Dean back until Sam arrived.

Dean didn’t need a lot of persuasion to come back with them. Maybe he knew that there's no running away because Sam would always find him. They’re like magnets drawn together. 

The bunker days were passé; Sam didn’t want to go back to his old life after Dean left, he also didn’t want to save the world anymore. If he couldn’t save Dean, there’s really nothing for him to save anyway. He just wanted Dean back and he always knew that they were stronger together than apart. 

Sam’s sitting in the easy chair as he watches Dean go down on Y/N. Her hand fists in Dean’s short hair, pulling and pushing his face deeper into her pussy while she grinds on that fucking pretty face, and Sam can smell her, can literally taste her. The scent of her tang lingers thick in the air. Sam knows how she tastes, having been down there countless times himself, but tonight? Tonight is Dean’s turn. Mainly because Sam is a good brother and also because Sam wants a piece of Dean’s sweet ass.

“Ass up, Dean,” Sam commands and Dean growls against Y/N’s pussy. 

It seems like Dean’s a little annoyed that he has to shift his stance, but he does what Sam asks him to. 

That’s going to become their game now, and Dean can’t say that he doesn’t  love everything about his demon blood drinking brother.

“Mmmh…good boy,” Y/N chuckles, sitting up a little more so that she can watch Dean feasting on her swollen cunt. And when Dean pushes in two of his thick fingers and curves them just right while he still sucks on her little nub, she can’t help but bite down on her tongue and drive her nails into his scalp, drawing blood from Dean and she tastes copper on her tongue.

“Hey, careful, baby. I need that blood,” Sam laughs from the chair, his hand stroking up and down his impressive cock. 

The tip of it is already an angry shade and he’s leaking precum that she wants to lick so bad. She wants to taste Sam in her mouth, and has always loved it when Sam drove his dick to the back of her throat and made her choke on it. But she knows as well as everyone in the room did, that tonight Dean will get Sam’s dick, and she’s okay with that because she’ll get Dean’s after.

“You look so good, Dean. Go on, make her come,” Sam coos, and she can see him squeezing more precum out from the head of his dick before he smears it around, coating the tip of his dick with the clear liquid. Her mouth starts to water at the sight.

“Fuck, Dean…” She throws her head back as Dean hits her spot, sending her legs trembling. He hums as he sucks her clit harder and drives his fingers in even deeper, hitting that spot right inside of her. 

“Does my brother make you feel good, baby? Huh?” Sam stands up now, one hand around his throbbing cock and Y/N is taken aback by Sam’s posture. He looked so good. So broad and big as he looms over them. And Sam’s big in every department, alright? Not that Dean isn’t big, oh god, he is. Just that Sam was slightly bigger and honestly, she doesn’t mind being stuffed by both of them, which should happen as well when she thinks about it.

“Come for me, will ya?” Dean whispers against her pussy before he flicks his tongue against her nub frantically. He then seals his lips around her clit, slurps up all her juice and drinks from her like a starving demon.

“Yeah, Dean. Make her come and you’ll get my cock, that’s only fair, isn’t it?” Sam’s standing behind Dean now, his big hands spreading his brother’s asscheeks apart and kneading them roughly. He accumulates all the saliva in his mouth and lets the spit drop down Dean’s crack. Dean moans into her cunt as he feels Sam’s spit running down his crack.

Sam lets his fingertip trail around his brother’s puckered hole as he rubs his cock against one of Dean’s asscheeks, letting the older man feel how heavy and hard his cock and balls are. 

“No, Sam, I don’t want it stretched. I want to feel you.” Dean’s voice was muffled as he still had his mouth full of Y/N’s pussy. She winces as the vibration of Dean’s voice hits her cunt. Sam can see that she’s so fucking close.

“Harder, Dean! Fuck!” She calls out, pushing her hips further up and grinds them against Dean’s face. 

Sam uses their trance to lay his big cock in Dean’s crack and he pushes Dean’s asscheeks together, fucking himself up and down Dean’s crack. He hopes that Dean would make Y/N come soon because damn, he can’t wait to get a piece of that sweet ass. Sam’s head is spinning when he thinks about how tight and warm his brother must be. 

“Come on, Dean, make her come…” Sam growls impatiently, and Dean knows it. He is impatient too, and begins to push his ass back against his brother's groin. Sam pushes forward with a chuckle and drive Dean’s head into her pussy. 

That’s a place Dean likes to be. Slotted in between the two of them. Hell, what is he saying — under them, on top of them, in front of them, behind them — he would like it in every possible way, and Dean is fucking glad that Sam never gave up on him, because otherwise Dean wouldn’t be here, eating out that sweet pussy while his brother is desperate to fuck him into oblivion.

“Nnnngg..fuck! Yes, yes, Dean! Fuuuuck!” Y/N yells out, doesn’t mind that the neighbors could hear her because Dean’s tongue felt so fucking good and his fingers were so thick and oh god, her insides are quivering when she feels the tidal wave roll over her. She throws her head back, releasing Dean’s head from her grip and bathes herself in endless bliss.

That’s Sam’s cue. He drives his spit and precum-coated dick right into Dean’s ass, not stopping until his pelvis was flush with Dean’s asscheeks, bottoming out in one swift thrust, and he lets out a moan of satisfaction as Dean groans and squeezes his eyes shut.

Y/N opens up her eyes again and then she meets Dean’s black ones. She flashed him her black eyes too, smirking as she does it, while she produces a knife from under the pillow, “Who’s it going to be tonight, Sam? Dean or me?”

“Cut him up,” Sam pants, hips thrusting hard against Dean’s ass, “I want all of my brother tonight.”

She nods, takes the knife, and gets on her knees to get close to Dean. He still has his eyes screwed shut and doesn’t even object when she cuts into Dean’s shoulder. Dean keeps biting on his bottom lip and opens his mouth to moan out loud when Sam hits his prostate. 

Sam grabs Dean by his short hair and yanks his head up, pulls his brother’s back flush against his chest. One of Sam’s hands grabs around Dean’s throat as he still fucks him shallow and hard. 

He mouths his way from the back of Dean’s neck over to the place where blood was oozing out of the wound and starts to lick and suck at the patch while he still tries to fuck his brother good, but the angle is all wrong and his dick can’t hit Dean’s sweet spot like that. Neither of them cared though, because the bond they are having right now is stronger than anything.

Y/N watches them, her hands roaming freely across her body until she starts rubbing softly against her swollen and sensitive clit. She loves watching them. Loves how they fuck each other because the love they have is so pure, so raw, and she can’t say that she isn’t jealous. There’s a tiny part of her that’s always going to be jealous.

“So fucking tasty,” Sam hisses when he finishes, and then he releases Dean back into the position he was in before, with Y/N’s pussy right in front of his face. Dean licks his lips, his saliva already dripping down his chin. Sure, he loves Sam’s dick but he also still fucking loves pussy.

“Get it, Dean. I’m good to go.” She chuckles, spreading her legs some more and wriggles her hips.

“Oh shit, oh shit..” Sam mumbles low in the back and Dean knows that he’s going to come. “Fuck!” A last growl, one last thrust and Sam spills his hot seed into Dean’s ass, coating his insides with an enormous load of Sam’s spunk.

Sam pulls out soon after with a squelching sound but she almost can’t hear it above Dean’s slurping and humming. Sam’s all sweaty and shiny and oh god, if she ever said that the sight doesn’t make her wetter, she’d be lying.

“Fucking love your ass, Dean,” Sam huffs out breathlessly and places a kiss on either of Dean’s asscheeks before he brings his palms down and spanked his brother, driving Dean’s face deeper into Y/N’s pussy, which in turn makes her yelp up in surprise.

“Gonna have a taste now, can I?” Sam asks, but he doesn’t wait for an answer, because he knows that the answer would be yes. 

Sam drives his tongue into Dean’s used hole first, feeling his own cum on the tip of his tongue, as Dean pushes out some more cum that drips onto Sam’s lip and down his chin. Sam seals his lips around Dean’s hole and starts to eagerly suck his own cum out of it, swallowing some but the rest, he keeps in his mouth because he knows that Y/N is dying to get a taste too. 

She’s fucking filthy and Sam still doesn’t know how he deserves her, how they both deserve her. She’s all that they’d ever dreamed of and more. They’ll make damn sure that they’ll never let her go after tonight. She is theirs as much as they are hers. Because after all, sharing is indeed caring.

@dean-winchesters-bacon​ @atc74​ @flamencodiva​ @amandamdiehl​ @hoboal87​ @mollmom​ @petitgateau911​

[touchstarvedsam]

So.... what are your thoughts on spn 11X17 "Red Meat"? 😉

An anon after my own heart! Brace yourselves, it’s a long one, sorry.

Red Meat is my comfort episode. I watch it when I’m feeling down, or when I need an escape. Sometimes I forget that Andrew Dabb is one of the writers because the episode is so brother -- and Sam in general -- positive. It’s definitely one of my favorite episodes, one that I will never get over. It’s one of those episodes that if I see anything about it on my dash, it’s an immediate reblog.

So, let’s recap, highlights mostly, yes?

The episode literally starts out mid-battle, which is cool on its own, but Sam is so incredibly badass. His high kick, and then headbutting the werewolf, just-- GAH. I can never get enough of badass Sam Winchester, okay?

Sam gets shot within two minutes, and if any of you know me, you know that hurt!Sam or Sam whump of any kind is my motherfucking jam. He’s my favorite character, whom I’ve loved for half of my life, and any time he’s in anguish it brings me life. Not because I enjoy seeing him hurt, but because I love when Dean worries about him.

Dean kills the werewolf that shot Sam before Sam even hit the ground, then he was at Sam’s side and digging the bullet out. Dean worrying about Sam literally feels like my life force repleting.

I also love how the scenes are played out of order. I like the aspect of that. Flashing back to Sam telling Dean about the case and Dean being reluctant. Their roles really revered, huh? It used to be Sam saying they should continue with hunting down the big bad and not going on random hunts, now Sam wants to keep on saving people on those random hunts, to keep them busy when they’re stumped on how to beat the current big bad.

In the second cabin, Corbin suggests they keep going “those of us who can” and Dean whirls on him so fast with the “what’d you say?”

Pure, unadulterated, protective big brother. The you suggest we leave my brother, I’ll fucking kill you big brother look. The I know over a hundred ways to kill a man big brother look. The no one fucks with Sammy big brother look.

Dean shoves Corbin, then, ever the selfless man Sam Winchester is, Sam suggests they leave him, get Corbin and Michelle to safety, and then Dean can come back for him. Dean’s reaction, again, is pure big brother and I love it so much. He wants to carry Sammy. My whole heart. T.T

Dean fighting with branches sticking off a tree trunk, angrily hitting the tree, then stopping for a moment to breathe and calm himself because he knows losing it won’t help Sam.

Calming himself down before he gets back to the cabin. T.T

Sam -- dying, short of breath, wheezing -- begs Corbin to go find Dean so they can leave without him. Sam has never once put himself before others, even now when he should because of how hurt he is, and how much blood he is losing, and still he doesn’t. There isn’t a single character in this show more selfless than Sam, and this episode proved that.

Corbin suffocating Sam, and then Dean walking in to find Sam completely lifeless. I cry every fucking time Dean starts shaking Sam. (Not gonna lie, it gives me Simba trying to wake Mufasa vibes, and that hurts really bad, too, man.) Just, the look on Dean’s face. The heartbreak, the tears...

The way he says “Sammy?” broken, shattered.

Dean making the decision to stay and die fight since it’s because of the werewolves that he lost his little brother. This man literally cannot and will not live without his brother. It’s ingrained in his system, engraved on his bones and in his skin, that he never wants to be in a world where Sam is no longer alive. He can’t physically or emotionally endure that pain.

This is the face of a man who has given up, who doesn’t want to live because Sam isn’t, but right here, I think at the very last moment, Dean remembers that Sam would want him to save these people. So he makes his decision.

“I’m gonna come back for you, okay?” He gives Sam this broken, quarter smile, then says, “I promise.” Then the shaky way he repeats “okay” two more times, then pats Sam on the chest and gets up fucking shatters me in a million pieces.

His last look at Sam before leaving him... with the tears! It literally makes me tear up. This whole episode is just chock full of painful pining.

Dean punches a sheriff! I still don’t understand why he didn’t just say “my brother’s body is in a cabin in the middle of the woods and I need to get back to him” but this is Dean, and Winchesters never really do anything the easy way. I do enjoy him angrily punching a sheriff because he wants to get back to Sammy, though. It’s a highlight, okay.

Then! As if this episode didn’t already give us the gift of badass!Sam and hurt!Sam and pining!Dean! It gives us the ultimate proof that Sam is the Juliet to Dean’s Romeo! It’s canon! Canon, I say! Canon! Dean kills himself with pills to talk to Billie -- to make a deal, to sacrifice himself, anything to bring Sam back -- and roundabout the exact same time, Sam wakes up!

Dean: “Tell the doc to bring me back if she can... if not, no hard feelings.” Dean literally does not care if he lives or dies! He just wants Sam! Be still, my heart. The man pines for his little brother, and his little brother alone.

The whole exchange with Billie:

“We need to talk about Sam.”

“What about Sam?”

“I need him back.”

“Back?”

“Stop playing. Look, you got him, I need him, let’s make a deal.”

“Pass.”

Then we have Dean saying that Sam’s the only one that can stop the Darkness. It just. It feels so good to hear Dean say that, okay. Sam being recognized in any light is just very important to me.

“It’s cute, though, you pretending to save Sam for the greater good when we both know you’re doing it for you. You can’t lose him.” That’s it, that’s the whole show.

“I’m asking you... I’m begging you, please. Bring him back... Bring him back and take me instead.” I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over codependent brothers.

Then! Such glorious, such beautiful, such badass hurt!Sam! Gets himself on his feet and takes on not one, but two werewolves! With all the blood he’s lost, and the immense pain he’s in, he literally fights for his life and wins! There is not a more badass character on the planet, and I would give my life to protect that truth as gospel.

He steals their pickup, gets to the Impala, and calls Dean who literally just heard from Billie that Sam wasn’t dead. Also, can I just say that I really do like Billie? She is cool as all fuck.

Sam practically falling out of the truck is one of my favorite things. His legs move like a newborn fawn as he stumbles over towards the Impala, towards safety and Dean.

The unadulterated relief on Dean’s face when he hears Sam’s voice. God, I love these brothers so fucking much. They love each other so fucking much. I can’t believe Dabb wrote an entire Wincest episode, wow. Such a goddamn gift.

Then the panic on Dean’s face once again when he loses signal with Sam. And honestly the way Sam can even see straight and drive himself to the urgent care is phenomenal in and of itself. Is there anything this man cannot do? I think not!

The Sam saves Dean, shooting Corbin before finally giving in to the pain and collapsing. I will forever love the way he falls to the ground, the way his legs just kind of give out and he just hits the floor is amazing to me. I wish I could make gifs because I’d fucking gif the way he falls. It’s both graceless and graceful at the same time, if that makes any sense.

 “I watched the man I love die... there’s no normal after that.” Dean feels her words more than anyone else, apart from Sam. Because he’s seen Sam die multiple times, and even though Sam is alive, Dean’s still not normal, he’s still not fixed. He gets that. He knows that a part of him will always be broken just because he’s watched Sam die, more than once. He’s never, ever going to be over losing Sam, even when Sam’s standing right beside him. Not to make light of the situation, but this made me think of the “Stop telling everyone I'm dead!” “I can still hear his voice” meme.

Dean helping Sam down the stairs with a hand on his back brings me the utmost joy. If I could gif, I’d make a gif of that, too.

Sam asking what Dean did when he thought Sam was dead, and giving him this ridiculously adorable squinty face!:

His little “I know you did something stupid because you’re making jokes” squint. Always sees right through his big brother.

I’m sorry for the lack of Sam caps. This episode was literally gigantic amounts of pining!Dean. He literally just wanted to be with Sam the entire episode, and Dean’s emotional anguish because he lost Sammy is such an important part of the episode. So many brother moments without the brothers being near each other. I will love this episode until the day I die and even then I will carry it with me into the afterlife to play on repeat forever and ever.

Thanks for the ask, anon! And sorry my post is so long. Red Meat is just really fucking important to me.