#but John would

[windlion]

Malevolent screamalong, part 7! Eps 20-22

Let's head into the creepy city that's probably full of cultists for the guy we're trying to avoid, that sounds like a plan, right?

All right with an episode title like the King and heading straight into the City, I am waiting for John 1.0 to show up. The Hive Mother. Senor Amarillo.

Side-note: I have no idea if King in Yellow is an existing Lovecraftian reference or something new because I am not quite *that* far down the uh. I was about to say tentacle rabbit hole but that is SOMETHING ELSE entirely. I am not that well steeped in the Cthulhu mythos.

"Subtlety is not our strength." No shit!

Arthur do you remember that John is le fucked if you are le fucked?

I hope you guys are talking in your head because otherwise you're SUPER conspicuous.

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR~~~~

and John all "I am taking psychic damage, this is gnarly"

OH that can't possibly be a ~blatant trap~ could it?

Yeah, safe to say, that this guy is *not all there*

I was almost betting this guy would be also Arthur, doppelganger

"The heart of Hastur" *side-eyes John*

*eyes emoji*

"Through trial and tribulations (though not my own)" XD XD XD

I kind of love this asshole

"Lilith you bitch" *snerk*

I could 100% imagine Taliesin voicing this guy

Cain, okay, Cain, that's my new Asshat, I look forward to his sudden but inevitable betrayal

"All right, time to dick around and do all the side quests"

. . . Does the Dog Die Dot Com

*dirty glares at podcast author* NOT KOSHER

So Arthur had a sibling???

I imagine this would be a pretty bitching movie game pre-battle sequence

"Unscathed?!" I would have pointed at the crippling guilt and depression first

King, buddy, are you *jealous*?

And now, fun times!

. . . I'm not surprised things went that way

Yeah I'm kinda okay with not having THAT narrated. And now it's time for Cain to do his thing!

"We were in an accident" No, actually nothing about that was an accident

Arthur, dude, why did you even try that

I guess that was a . . . human stress reaction, but still, you know the deal you made, Arthur, why would you think there's any wiggle room

It is fun having this rerun with the balance of power reversed, I'm more invested in this dynamic

"What did you do?!"

"You weren't this difficult the first time"

It is fun having John being all "What the actual fuck happened to you"

"Than you could ever be" - Arthur, you're being judgy

And then the changeover to calling him Yellow~

Hmm

"Run" That is quite possibly the worst move you can make

Arthur you do kinda owe Yellow that apology

"The Red Right Hand" oh that's not ominous

And suddenly terrible second-hand embarrassment

*Cringing*

Goddamnit you disasters definitely shouldn't be out in public

Okay I'm not sure if this is point for or against them being a cult

*CRINGE INTENSIFIES*

Ohhhh my god okay the "people are WATCHING" is more anxiety inducing than anything else

and Yellow has a thing for dancing???

If you think animals don't have hope you have never had a dog deeply intensely yearning for your dinner

Ah and there's the name drop

(Fun fact: my high school made us recite that poem our senior year so I recognized it)

And oh ho, I see that that little hat-tip (Is there hope? Who knows!)

Next ep! I guess this is a flashback?

Yellow, deadpan, reciting the damages of the night before

"YES OKAY please stop"

Arthur, you could stop bullshitting unnecessarily

. . . . Deeeeeep sighs and we're back to the see-saw

OH actual progress, good job, Arthur!

Yellow all "You wanted a relationship?"

"Because I didn't want to be an asshole"

Cleanliness is next to godliness and dear god did you need that

Oh hey we found the cults!

Yellow "Uh shit that's BIG I don't want to fuck with that should have picked a bigger body to occupy"

I was wondering about the snowshoes

Yellow all "I DON"T KNOW ABOUT THESE HUMAN THINGS"

I'm with Arthur in the "Knowledge is power!"

So they delved too deeply here

Whomever lived here is dead because you need their loot and are terrible at interacting with living creatures, see: negative charisma score

Ohhhh that was exactly the wrong direction wasn't it

Monch and cronch time

And there we go again~~~

I am going to be smart-ish and stop here for the time being because I bet the next lot are going to run together, so we'll leave Arthur being nommed on. He's had worst resting spots. He'll be fiiiiine.

[robinthisbank]

TikTokers are such pussies when it comes to ships. “B-but they’re not canon 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😖😖” honey back in my day we shipped characters from entirely different medias uphill both ways in the snow

[rythyme]

dev patel really said "i support trans ppls rights....... trans ppls rights to kill bigots with guns and metal pipes and chairs and cool knives'' anyway watch monkey man

[frogchiro]

Maybe an unpopular opinion but a domesticity kink + dry humping is one of the best combos out there EVER

Like imagine this big, strong, burly man like Price or Simon or Graves being absolutely wild and soft for you, the pretty housewife that drives a man crazy♡ All soft curves, nice ample breasts and soft, broad hips with a pretty floral apron tied around your waist as you cook a nice hearty mean for your tired man and greet him with that beautiful smile of yours :((

It honestly would make them soft, desperate, hating the idea of being even a second longer away from you, all pent up and horny so they just cling with their big, rough hands to your hips and they can't helo themselves but thrust their quiclly hardening cocks against you, effectively humping you like an animal in heat but even your soft whines that you need to finish their dinner doesn't stop the man; he needs to fuck, needs to be close to his girl♡

[wombywoo]

happy holidays ❄️✨

[bluegiragi]

mutt. (small explanation under the cut)

early access + nsfw on patreon

so. a couple of lore things here.

Roba only took one of the blood vials before he went out to fight Price. But during Ghost's final interaction with Vernon, he smashes all of the remaining ones over the floor. When he finally killed Vernon, the impact of the blow splashed blood onto his hands, which he then used to a) slash Roba across the face and b) literally grab his tongue. So you can kind of assume that Roba's gotten a much much higher dose than he's supposed to safely take.

Also, his symptoms look pretty similar to the transformed state of Konig, no? Rabid, mindless, inability to talk, and most importantly, he's huge. I think my thought behind this is that the way the world used to be, monsters were way WAY larger than they are now. Roba was underselling it when he said that the vial "unlocks what is dormant" - probably a better description is that it strips away any hybrid's evolutionary 'safety cap' so to speak, in exchange for the original being's mind.

[galaghiel]

michael's running out of options so he found the next best thing to a ghostbuster or something

[artistmarchalius]

I wanted to try drawing them with tails to see what the hype was about. I get it now.

[maiamars]

"he asked for no pickles"

[shittysawtraps]

phineas and ferb could make saw traps but john kramer couldn’t build a rocket, fight a mummy, climb up the eiffel tower, discover something that doesn’t exist, give a monkey a shower,

[just-a-sewer-goblin]

The way Soap would use military talk to get a reaction from you. He knows you're into it. So you're standing in the kitchen, maybe cooking something and you can hear his raspy voice from behind the corner "Got visuals on the target" and you're already grinning, wisely putting down anything that could make a mess. You hear slight shuffling and a whispered "Nice and stealthy boys", the next thing you know is him tackling you and immediately catching you in his arms, carefully lowering you to the floor. He crawls over you rasping: "Hostage secured", and presses his lips to yours but you both have to laugh. And it ends up being a messy kiss because you both can't stop giggling and grinning into the kiss. And when he breaks away because you're both smiling so wide it's just impossible to properly kiss, you put your hand on his chest and tell him: "You're a goof MacTavish". His smile softens and he replies: "Aye, your goof, that is."

[ghostshipglamour]

[danibee33]

[effemar]

[abovesn4kes]

Quoth Rob Wiethoff : While I don’t know much about velociraptors, if they existed today, there’s a good chance they could kill you.

READ TAGS PLEASE holy cow yall.

Textless and alternate version under the cut

[yooo-lets-go]

what sort of music does simon listen to- and what are the others’ opinions on it when they inevitably discover it?

They probably wouldn’t share a playlist

Plus Roach: