#but a lot of them have seen The Patterns in various situations

[animeomegas]

The Quest for a Second Life - Part 2 - Potions and Magic and Sex, Oh My! (1)

ITACHI x ALPHA!READER

Summary: Porn logic, you quickly discover, is great for your soul and general self-esteem, but rather intensive on your poor heart. Your first day in an erotic pocket dimension and the horny shenanigans are only beginning. Also magic? That shit was the coolest thing you'd ever seen. GN!Dom!Alpha!Reader x Multiple Naruto Characters

Word Count: 8.5k

Warnings: Sexual tension and adult situations, although no explicit sex. GN alpha, but all alphas have penises fyi.

A/N: I decided to split these chapters in two because they were getting very long haha! Not much porn in this one, as it's slightly more slow burn compared to Books 2 and 3. There will be a lot of porn in the second half, but this one just needed that build up imo. It's still too early to say Happy Holidays, but seeing that @omeganronpa is sick right now, I will say 'Get Well Soon!' instead :D I tried to get this finished in time to meet the request for softboi hours lol. I hope everyone enjoys!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Epilogue

Waking up when you hadn’t been asleep was somehow worse than normal waking up, and considering how much you hated to do that, it was almost impressive.

Your head was fuzzy with disorientation, and your eyes felt glued together with enough grit to pave a driveway. All in all, you felt pretty rough. It took you a few seconds to remember where you were and what was happening, but once you managed to pry open your eyes, met immediately with an unfamiliar ceiling, everything clicked into place. You were inside your first pocket dimension.

The spike of excitement that shot through you was so strong that the grogginess dissipated almost immediately, and any thoughts about snuggling back to sleep fled with it. With some difficulty, you wrestled an arm from the heavy weight of blankets on top of you and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. Free of grit, you were finally able to examine your surroundings.

Your first thought was that you’d somehow fallen into the ‘Autumn vibes’ Pinterest board that you’d made in the middle of the night that one time when your desire to flee into the woods had been at an all time high. You were bundled up on a sofa in a living room dominated by a gorgeous stone fireplace that held a pleasantly crackling fire, various fire related tools and a small amount of wood storage.

There were floor-to-ceiling shelves everywhere, filled to bursting with artwork, old books, trinkets and pots of unidentifiable but colourful liquids and powders. Dried flowers and large, green house plants dotted every corner of the room, surrounded by candles of every shape and colour you could imagine, all of them resting on a collection of layered, patterned rugs.

Along with the sofa you were laying on, the seating consisted of a cosy armchair in a deep burgundy colour, and a little window seat filled to the brim with a mismatch of cushions and blankets.

The entire room was bathed in a warm, orange glow. It was utterly enchanting.

Distantly, over the crackle of the fire, you could hear someone humming from behind one of the doors. The voice was deep, but not excessively so, and accompanied by the occasional clanging of pots and pans.

That door must lead to the kitchen, you thought.

This little cottage felt so incredibly real and lived in. You had wondered if there would be some kind of giveaway that this was a story premise based in a fake, manufactured world, but so far you had found nothing. It was so much better than you could have dreamed.

That didn’t mean that you didn’t have questions though. Dazzled though you may have been, you needed to know a little more before you came face to face with the first omega. James had said you could communicate with her mentally, so first things first, you needed to figure out how to do that.

‘James?’ You tried using your internal monologue to speak, just with a greater emphasis and purpose than normal. ‘Can you hear me?’

‘Human alpha,’ James acknowledged, her voice sounding just as loud as your own in your head. You flinched a little at the strange sensation of a foreign presence invading your mind. Despite it being vaguely weird that someone could hear your purposeful thoughts, you were grateful to have a guide in an unfamiliar world.

‘I was wondering a bit about free will,’ you said, pausing as you tried to figure out how to phrase the question. James spoke before you could continue.

‘I’m not allowed to give humans any information about free will, religion, the afterlife, aliens, alternate realties, time travel, dead people, living people, or the secret behind the correlation between motherhood and the ability to find objects that accidentally fall into micro pocket dimensions.’

‘No, I meant like in these stories.’ You stopped, processing what James had just said. ‘Wait, motherhood and micro pocket dimensions? Is that why my friend’s mum was able to find the remote in four seconds after we searched for it for three hours that one time?’

‘What part of ‘I’m not allowed to discuss such topics with humans’ did you not understand, human alpha?’

You mentally shook your head, returning to your original point, ‘I was wondering how much free will the people in these books have. Do they have to follow a story, or a script? Will they fall in love me with no matter what I do or say?’

‘These stories are premises,’ James explained. You could so vividly imagine her face as she spoke. ‘They set the world, the rules of the universe, the people and their backstories, their motivations and inclinations, but they don’t provide a script. These characters are just as real as the people from your world by most interdimensional regulations and definitions. They have inclinations towards certain behaviours, but that is no different from your world, yes? People are defined by their experiences and behave in ways that fit their psychological profile and motivations, that does not mean they have no agency.’

You let out a relieved sigh, ‘That’s good. I was worried that they’d be forced to do things with me by the narrative.’

‘Rest assured, human, even in an erotica, if a person chooses to copulate with you, they will have done so of their own volition.’ You snorted at her phrasing, but her words were greatly comforting.

‘Wait, does that mean they can reject me all together?’ you asked, a sudden realisation popping up.

‘Technically yes. It is fairly rare… Although it does tend to happen more frequently with humans who choose erotica stories for some reason.’

Many, many people popped to mind as she said that, from incel forums to the creepy people you’d been unlucky enough to encounter in real life. You were certain that, given the opportunity, most of them would jump at a chance to live as the protagonist of an erotica novel. You were also certain that they’d immediately feel entitled to nonstop sex and a whole manner of other creepy things. It was honestly quite amusing to imagine them getting rejected by the ‘fictional’ love interests they so desperately clung to, and you wished for a moment that you could have had James’ role of fly on the wall to those rejections.

Personally, you weren’t worried about coming across as super creepy and you certainly weren’t going to be forcing anyone into anything. You were confident that, with two attempts, both literally designed to push you and a love interest together, you’d find some kind of fulfilling relationship.

The humming from the kitchen got louder all of a sudden and you wondered if you’d find that relationship with this mysterious omega.

‘Now, human, I will run through the general premise of this world to aid you in your first interaction.’ Even as a disembodied voice, it somehow felt appropriate when James cleared her throat. ‘You are in the world of ‘Potions and Magic and Sex, Oh My!’. You have taken the role of MC, a mysterious alpha that was rescued by the book’s love interest, Itachi, unconscious and in the middle of a snowstorm.’

‘Wait, what was he doing out in a snowstorm?’

‘Please try to remain focused, human alpha. MC, struggling with recalling any memory of who they are or how they got there, relies on Itachi to brew a potion to retrieve their memories. Shenanigans ensue, although the exact type of shenanigans will depend on how you conduct yourself. You have a great amount of power to affect the story, especially considering the MC is an amnesiac. As long as you account for how they ended up in the woods, the backstory is fully yours to fashion. But I advise you to heed my warning.’

You remembered it loud and clear. When picking a backstory, you were going to keep one acronym in mind: MLHH (Money, Love, Health, Happiness). That should serve your needs well. Regardless, you were glad you had time to think about the details while you were playing the amnesiac role.

The weird feeling of presence in your mind faded as James fell silent. You took a deep breath. You could do this. You were going to have fun with a pretty omega, treat him with respect, see real magic (and real porn logic), and all of that would be contained in your dream witchy cottage. As long as you avoided complete disaster, this should be one of the greatest things you’ve ever done.

It was only when the sound of the kitchen door unlatching reached your ears that you realised the humming had stopped.

Your head snapped to the side and your eyes landed on the most beautiful omega you’d ever met. This must be Itachi.

Itachi had long, dark hair that was drawn back into a low ponytail, although he’d left a decent amount loose and framing his pale, heart-shaped face. His features were sharp, especially his eyes, and although he moved gracefully, he also seemed to command attention with a presence that felt both strangely out of place and intimately natural for him.

He wore a cosy collection of warm-coloured, loose clothing, including simple brown trousers and a woollen jumper, finished with a pair of simple, black house slippers. The jumper was sliding slightly off of one shoulder, revealing an extra sliver of bare skin that was strangely hypnotic.

“You’re awake! I was just debating about grabbing some smelling salts,” he said, his intense brown eyes focused directly on you. His voice was as pretty as the rest of him.

Quite frankly, he was stunning from head to toe. You weren’t even slightly surprised that he was the romantic interest.

The man (the witch, you reminded yourself, a little incredulously) approached you until he was perched on the edge of the sofa at your waist. Without hesitation, he reached out a hand towards your head and rested the back of his palm on your forehead. He felt neither hot nor cold, and a moment later he withdrew his hand, staring down at you stoically.

“How are you feeling? Any nausea? Black spots in your vision? Can you move all of your fingers?”

“No, no, and” -you wiggled your fingers under the blanket- “yes. I’m feeling fine, just a little groggy from waking up.”

“That’s to be expected. You’ve been asleep for at least twenty-five hours. I found you unconscious at the base of a tree in the middle of a storm last night. It was so cold; I was worried you—” he cut himself off with a shake of his head. “That doesn’t matter. You’re safe now.”

“And I appreciate that,” you said, sending him what you hoped was a charming smile. “I prefer having all my fingers attached generally.”

“As most people do,” he replied, solemnly, not seeming to pick up on the joke. You almost made a woosh noise, until you remembered that for him, that had likely been a very genuine concern after finding you, so you let the joke die.

“Why were you—” the word caught in your throat, and you suddenly began to cough, only now realising how hoarse your throat was. Right, you’d been asleep for over a day.

“Oh, you must be thirsty,” Itachi said, frowning. You were overcome with a desire to make him smile. “One moment.”

You were expecting him to get up and fetch a glass from the kitchen, so when he suddenly began leaning towards you, reaching over your head towards the side table, you were a little surprised.  That was nothing however to the surprise you felt when he inadvertently gave you a rather spectacular look straight down his shirt. Your coughing spiked and your face warmed.

“Here.” Itachi leant back down, a glass of water clutched in his left hand. With his right hand, he helped you sit up before handing you the glass. You grabbed it and drained the whole glass immediately. The cool reprieve from the irritating scratching was a welcome feeling. Almost welcome enough to make you forget about Itachi’s blush pink nipples. Almost.

Realistically, you weren’t sure how could you forget a view so enticing. No, stop it, brain, now was not the time. Except… this was the time. This was a pocket dimension based around porn logic and that was your first taste of it.

Wow, who knew porn logic was so delightfully pink and round, you thought giddy.

“Are you feeling better?” Itachi asked suddenly, knocking you out of your thoughts. His jumper was firmly back in the place it was supposed to be.

“Uh, yeah, totally fine.” You knew you must have had a stupid, dazed grin on your face, but knowing about it didn’t make it any easier to stop. “You’re very pretty, by the way.”

Itachi froze, and for the first time since you’d met him, his composure slipped, a tiny, almost unnoticeable blush bloomed high on his cheeks. It was a similar colour to his—Nope, going to stop you right there, brain.

“Oh.” He didn’t say anything else, only staring at you, wide eyed. You were surprised by his surprise. Surely this man was more than used to people fawning and falling all over him; he was objectively beautiful. Although, living in the woods like this, was there anyone else to tell him that he was beautiful? “Thank you.”

The blush lingered for a few more moments before vanishing. Any amount that you had succeeded in flustering him was now locked behind that stoic, but not unkind, face.

“I need you to give me the name of someone I can contact for you, someone willing to escort you home and stop you wandering alone in the woods during a winter storm.” You could feel the gentle rebuke in his words. “I have methods of contacting the nearest towns and villages, I just need to know who to send for. Who should I ask for?”

Right, this was your first attempt at properly engaging in the story, in your character. You had almost forgotten that you weren’t fully yourself in this world. At least your supposed amnesia would be an excellent shield as you came to terms with this experience.

“I don’t know,” you said simply, trying hard to look baffled.

Itachi sent you a sympathetic frown, “You don’t have anyone to contact? Then tell me where you live, and I can escort you home myself.”

“No, I mean, I don’t remember.”

There was a beat of silence.

“You don’t remember?” he eventually repeated, brows furrowed.

“I- I don’t know where I came from, who I am, or why I was in those woods.” This wasn’t your best acting work, for sure, but it seemed like enough to convince Itachi, whose frown deepened even further.

“How is that possible?” Itachi murmured, mostly to himself. He scanned your face but didn’t seem to find anything of note. “Do you remember anything at all?”

“Only basic things, like my name and how to eat and drink.” To prove your point, you gave him your name and rough age.

You watched as Itachi’s frown melted into something a little more determined. His eyes took on a hard edge, and despite his gentle kindness, you acknowledged that he had the potential to be rather intimidating.

“I will help you,” he said firmly, looking you straight in the eyes. “I’m a witch; I can find some way to recover your memories and get you home, I promise. Until then, you are more than welcome to stay with me.”

He really was a kind man, you thought, ‘fictional’ or not.

“Thank you,” you said earnestly. “It means a great deal to me that you’re willing to help.”

Itachi smiled politely as he stood, “Then I will start searching for a spell or potion that can help. First though, you must be hungry. I think it’s time for some dinner.”

Oh, this was going to get you good; you had such a thing for pretty people cooking for you. There was just something about it that satisfied that part of yourself that wanted to be doted on. You were going to enjoy this. Actually, you should probably check one important thing first.

‘James? Does this body have any allergies or intolerances of its own? Or did I just bring mine with me?’

‘Neither. Allergies and intolerances are inconvenient for erotica stories and thus do not exist.’

No allergies or intolerances at all?

‘James, this is the best day of my life and I want to kiss you on the mouth.’

‘You are supposed to kiss the omega right in front of you, human alpha, are you confused?’

You didn’t reply. Itachi started walking back to the door he’d come from. Just as he reached the doorway, he turned back to you.

“Oh! My name is Itachi,” he said. You knew that, of course, but it was still nice to hear him say it. “Take your time getting up, I’ll set the table and finish up the cooking.” He disappeared round the corner, although he didn’t shut the door behind him.

Ignoring his instructions to take your time, you cheerfully threw back your blankets and stood up, taking a second to shake out your limbs and run your fingers through your hair. You looked exactly as you remembered yourself looking, just dressed in different clothes. You were wearing a very simple long-sleeved shirt and pair of trousers that looked like they would fit in with whatever pseudo time period this was. You wondered briefly if these were your clothes, or if Itachi had dressed you in something of his. The clothes did seem to fit you too well to be borrowed, but you weren’t sure if porn logic made everything that much more convenient. No amount of convenience with clothes would ever trump convenience with food. You had no allergies or intolerances, and you’d never develop them in the future either!

The living room looked a bit smaller now that you were standing, but it only added to the cosy vibe. You took a deep breath, savouring the smell of the firewood burning and whatever was cooking in the kitchen mingling in the air. You followed Itachi into the kitchen, feeling like you could skip with glee.

Stepping in, you were grateful you had socks protecting your feet from the stone floor. The kitchen was small, containing only the necessary kitchen supplies and a tiny, two-person table, although through the window you could see hints of an outdoor kitchen with a fire pit and grill, and a much larger dining table, probably for use in the summer. The clutter from the living room continued into the kitchen, with pots of wooden spoons, pans and dried flowers hanging on the walls, and an impressive spice cabinet that took up almost the entire back wall.

It also looked like something straight out of your Autumn Pinterest board.

Itachi was at the oven, stirring a pot of something that you couldn’t see.

“It smells great,” you said earnestly, sliding up beside him and peering into the pot. It seemed like some kind of stew.

Itachi turned, and greeted you with what seemed like his first proper, genuine smile, “You think so?”

“I do. Thank you so much for cooking.”

You weren’t quite confident enough to stake your life on it, but you were pretty sure that, if the pot on the stove wasn’t bubbling so loudly, you’d have been able to hear him purring. The way he suddenly just so happened to be pressing one hand to his mouth only supported your theory. Clearly, this omega hadn’t been praised enough in his life. Thank goodness you were here to rectify that.

“Is there anything I can do to help? I can lay the table if you tell me where everything is.”

Itachi cleared his throat (and you could swear there was a hint of a purr in there!), “No, that’s alright, just sit down, I’ll handle it.”

“Are you sure, because—”

Itachi clicked his fingers and out of one of the cabinets floated two bowls and two glasses. You watched, completely stunned as they floated to the table and set themselves neatly in front of two of the chairs. Itachi then waved his hand at one of the drawers and two forks and two spoons did the same as the dishware, laying themselves neatly alongside the bowls.

Magic.

Real life magic.

Holy shit, you hadn’t thought about the fact that he was a witch, not really. Magic was real. Itachi just laid the table with magic. You sat down heavily in one of the chairs, mouth hanging open slightly.

‘James?!’ you mentally asked, desperately.

‘I cannot kiss you, human alpha.’

‘What? No! James, is it possible for me to learn magic in this world?’ Please say yes, please say yes.

‘Yes, everyone in this world has the ability to learn at least some kind of magic. It will not become clear how much magic you have until you are actually apart of this world, but I should imagine you will at least be capable of brewing potions.’

Yep, this was definitely the best day of your life. Or afterlife? Either way, if you picked this world, you’d be able to learn at least some magic. That counteracted a lot of the downsides of living without modern technology that you had been considering. Not having modern medicine was moot if potions were just as effective. Not having electric heaters was fine if warming charms existed.

Itachi knocked you out of your thoughts when he came over with the pot and began gently ladling the stew into your bowl. You would explore magic later, right now, was time to eat.

…

You had eaten most of the stew in a silence that neither you nor Itachi felt compelled to break, although you had noticed him sneaking glances at you every so often. The stew tasted homey, hearty, slightly sweet, and all around delicious.

‘James, I am so happy right now.’

‘I did not realise humans were so passionate about stew. I will make a note.’

You shook you head lightly, vaguely amused by James’ shenanigans.

Even with the display of magic earlier, things felt weirdly normal. Baring the nip slip from earlier, there hadn’t been any other porn logic that you’d noticed. It was kind of a relief. Although you were still incredibly excited to be horny on main forever, being able to just breathe and enjoy a nice meal was good too. No one wanted to have sex shoved in their faces 24 hours a day.

You attracted yet another glance from Itachi, but this time, you noticed that he had a tiny splash of stew at the corner of his mouth. Despite just finishing establishing your relief that porn wasn’t going to be shoved in your face, you felt immediately compelled to test some porn logic. You didn’t want to ruminate on what that rapid 180 mental turn might suggest about your psyche.

If porn logic was at play, could you just… reach and wipe his mouth for him? Would he take that positively? You debated on it for a bit, but ultimately decided to try it; you had amnesia for an excuse if he didn’t take it well, and it wasn’t so creepy that he’d hate you, hopefully. He was your love interest, right? You needed to flirt with him.

“Itachi?” you said softly, shuffling your chair slightly towards him. His head snapped up to yours, spoon hovering over his bowl. “You have a little something.”

Slowly, allowing him plenty of time to reject your advances, you reached a hand out towards his face. Itachi watched you, wide eyed, but didn’t move.

Slowly, your thumb made contact with the corner of his soft lips. In what seemed like some kind of automatic impulse, Itachi’s lips fell apart slightly as soon as you touched them. You could feel his hot, stuttering breath, and as you swiped the stew away, you were treated to the smallest flicker of his tongue. You shivered as the wet warmth brushed against you; the atmosphere was electric.

You took in a breath of Itachi’s scent which was suddenly twice as strong. Yeah, you were definitely in an erotica, fuck.

Itachi’s spoon clattered back into his bowl, splashing droplets of stew over the wooden table and shattering the heated moment. Itachi stood suddenly, his chair scraping across the stone.

“I- I’ll wipe up the spill,” he said, rushing to the counter to grab a cloth.

You cleared your throat, trying to hide your smile, “Right, you do that.”

Pretty omega, inviting you to stay in his home, cooking for you, accepting your flirtations. The heat in your stomach was no longer just from the food.

The electricity died as Itachi wiped up the stew and took the bowls in one fell swoop, leaving everything feeling normal. You tried to offer to wash up, but Itachi declined, escorting you back to the sofa ‘to rest’.

“I’m going to go and check in my study for any information on amnesia. Please make yourself at home, but don’t go outside; if you faint in the cold and I don’t realise, it could end up worse than last time.”

You were about to argue that you weren’t going to drop dead the second he took his eyes off you, (you wanted to see the magical woods you were in!), but the words died when you realised that from Itachi’s perspective you were sick and had already fainted in an inopportune location once before. He was just looking out for you.

“I’ll stay inside,” you promised, reluctantly. “But you have to give me a proper tour of the woods at some point, okay?”

He inclined his head, “Of course. I won’t be long.” He then disappeared through a door on the other side of the living room.

The second he was gone you went back into the kitchen and washed the dishes.

Then, unable to see the woods, and not wanting to be creepily exploring the rest of the house without your host, you found yourself in front of the fire, searching through Itachi’s books. Unfortunately, Itachi seemed to keep all the magic books somewhere else, which wasn’t surprising you supposed, but you did manage to find a book on fairytales. How different would this world’s fairytales be? To be honest, you hadn’t expected the world to be so in depth as to have its own fairytales at all.

You flicked through the book for a few minutes, enjoying the illustrations more than anything.

‘James, are any of these stories based in truth in this world?’

‘Oh, I should think only around half have any significant amount of truth to them.’

‘Half?!’ you said mentally, trying not to choke. ‘I’m in the middle of the woods and vulnerable! What do you mean half of them are real? That big foot esque thing with horns and jagged teeth on page three isn’t real though, is it?’

‘Not anymore!’ James said, as chipper as can be.

“Right,” you said breathlessly. “I think I’ve had enough of reading fairytales actually.” You closed the book, intending to slot it back onto the shelf when a single page fell out and fluttered to the floor, dangerously close to the fire. Fuck, you were left alone for an hour, and you were already wrecking things. You snatched it up off the ground, intending to slip it back inside and not mention it, when you realised that the page didn’t look like it belonged to that book at all.

In fact, you held it up closer to your face, it looked like a potion recipe!

“’Amnesia Reversal Potion’,” you read out loud. “No way.” What were the odds on finding this? Actually, erotica books didn’t normally have complicated plots, so the odds of this literally falling into your lap were probably quite high.

You stood up, recipe in hand, and went to the door that Itachi had left through earlier, “Itachi?” You got no response. It was his study, so maybe he wouldn’t mind you just poking your head in. You slowly pushed open the door and slipped your head in. “Itachi? I think I found something to—”

Oh.

This was his study and his bedroom.

And you had just walked in on him changing.

Itachi jumped in shock, grabbing the nearest blanket and holding it over his chest while you stood frozen in the doorway.

Yep, those beautiful nipples were absolutely haunting your dreams tonight.

…

After many apologies were handed out and the awkward horniness of receiving your second accidental flashing had dissipated somewhat, you and Itachi were sitting in front of the fire together, looking over the potion recipe that you’d found.

It was dark now, and the vicious Winter wind shook the windows and billowed around the chimney. Thankfully, having Itachi pressed against your side was fighting the chill away. The hot chocolate that Itachi had made was helping too, served in mugs carved with runes that kept the delicious drink at the perfect temperature.

You had also been delighted to discover that Itachi wore glasses when reading, and he looked rather adorable when he adjusted the thick, black frames as he scanned the recipe.

Itachi made a considering noise as he went through the ingredient list, “The potion is simple to make, but has quite a long ingredients list. I have most of it, thankfully, but there are a few things I’ll need to go out and buy or collect.” He put the paper down and took a sip of his hot chocolate, making a little sinful noise of pleasure as he did. The hot drink fogged up his glasses, so Itachi took them off. “There isn’t much we can do tonight, but tomorrow I can start collecting everything we need.”

“Can I join you?” you asked, shuffling a bit closer.

Itachi seemed surprised, but soon that melted into a smile, “Of course, as long as you’re feeling up to it. I’ll charm all your clothes against the cold, just to be safe.”

A fair request seeing that he lived in the middle of a freezing forest. It did bring up some of the questions you’d had for him though. You weren’t sure if James knew about Itachi’s backstory, but it felt wrong going behind his back regardless. You’d rather hear it from him.

“Can I ask you some questions? About you?”

Itachi hesitated for a moment before seemingly forcing himself to relax, “Of course.”

“Why do you live in the middle of nowhere? Do you… have friends?” You hesitated before asking the next question. “Family?”

“I used to live in a village not too far from here,” Itachi said slowly, staring into his mug. “It’s where I was born and where my family is still living. There was an… incident, when I was a teenager. The council decided that it was in everyone’s best interests that I lived out here instead.”

“What kind of incident?” You didn’t want to push him too much, but you were deeply fascinated as to how he had ended up here. Also, to make a decision for your forever pocket universe, you wanted to know as much as possible about the omegas that’d be joining you.

Itachi gripped his mug tightly, “I don’t want you to think badly of me.”

“I don’t think that would happen,” you said with quiet confidence. “Even if you did something bad as a teenager, I’d much rather judge you on who you are now. And the person I see in front of me is someone kind, someone who tries to help complete strangers, and forgives the stupid alpha who came blundering into his bedroom at an inopportune moment.”

Itachi breathed out, amused.

“I think you’re wonderful, Itachi.”

“Thank you,” he murmured, quietly. “Maybe I’ll tell you the full story someday. In a way, I’m very grateful to have my own space, and I still meet with my family sometimes when they can make the trip to me. I do not dislike my life.”

“Tell me about your family,” you said, brushing a stray piece of hair out of his face. Itachi leant into your hand ever so slightly.

“There were four of us in our household, my father, mother, and my younger brother, Sasuke. Here” -Itachi bent forward and dragged a rather large, leather-bound sketch book out from under the sofa- “I have some sketches of him.”

He propped the book up on your laps and opened it, revealing countless sketches of trees, fruit, plants, even some of the living room you were sitting in. You noticed immediately how few there were of people.

Itachi flipped until he reached a page filled with sketches of a grumpy looking preteen, “This is Sasuke, he’s just turned 13, although the most recent sketch is this one from his 12th birthday.”

You focused on the sketch that Itachi had pointed out. Sasuke looked like he was scowling over the top of a birthday cake. “He seems… happy?”

Itachi didn’t notice the questioning tone, only smiling to himself, “He was, it was such an amazing day. I’ve met him a few times since then between our homes, but that was the last time he was in my home.”

“I can tell that you care about him a lot,” you said, gently tracing one of the drawings with your finger. “You must miss him.”

Itachi didn’t speak and you were worried that you had offended him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”

“No, you’re right,” Itachi said, giving you a sad smile. “He’s my baby brother. He’s everything to me, but that’s why I had to distance myself, to keep him safe from the burden of guilt by association.”

“Aren’t you lonely here though?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted, voice heavy like he was confessing to a dirty secret. “All I wanted when I was younger was to have people leave me alone, to have the pressure lifted for just one day, and I do relish it, being able to study the kind of magic that I want, to learn to cook and bring my garden to life, but… It’s not bad here, not at all, and once my brother is old enough to make the journey to see me by himself, I think things will be even better.”

You could tell that there was so much that he wasn’t saying, so much that he was implying, and so much about his own life that he hadn’t come to terms with yet, but you held your tongue. It sounded like he’d been pressured until he exploded, and then been punished and sent away for it. Whatever details you were missing wouldn’t stop you feeling outraged on his behalf.

With the snap of the sketch book shutting, you understood that he was ending the conversation though. You would have to give your passionate and ill-informed defence of his unknown past actions on another occasion.

Itachi leant over to put the sketchbook back away under the sofa, but on the way back up, he accidentally knocked what was left of his hot chocolate all over your lap. You gasped as you saw the liquid pooling on the blanket, the warmth bleeding into your skin moments later. You tried to push the blanket off your lap, but you weren’t fast enough to stop it leaking through to your clothes.

“I’m so sorry!” Itachi said, helping you drag the blanket off. “I don’t know what happened, I’m not normally so clumsy.”

“It’s okay,” you said, cringing at the feeling of the hot liquid rolling around. “Accidents happen.” You awkward shuffled off the couch with your hips raised to limit the damage. “At least it isn’t boiling hot.”

“Regardless, I’m sorry,” Itachi said again, grabbing a random cloth off the side table. “Stand still.” Itachi crouched in front of you and with the cloth, began dabbing firmly at the hot chocolate stain. Yes, the stain that was directly over your crotch.

You sucked in a breath, “Um, Itachi?”

“I’ll have to grab you a pair of pyjama trousers to borrow,” he said, almost comically unaware of what he was currently doing.

He continued to dab forcefully, rubbing at the stain in an attempt to limit the damage. This was going to be dangerous in about three seconds because an omega was pawing at your cock and your stupid body didn’t care about the difference between this and the other kind of pawing.

“Itachi!” you said, more urgently this time, aware of the direction your blood was now flowing.

“Yes?” He looked up at you, eyes wide, at an angle that really didn’t help resist the tide of dirty thoughts. You wondered how he’d look with that beautiful face covered in your--  

Too late. You now had a massive boner and Itachi’s hand was resting right on top of it.

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “Your hand, Itachi.”

You watched as Itachi slowly put the pieces together, his eyes tracking from his hand to the area his hand was resting on, up to your face, and finally back to your crotch. You saw the exact moment that it clicked in his head.

“Oh.” Itachi froze, hand still resting on your erection. The cloth dropped to the ground as Itachi’s grip weakened, revealing the outline of your cock straining against the fabric of your trousers. The soft, malleable fabric didn’t leave much to the imagination. “That’s… big.”

You snort-laughed, mainly out of surprise, “Itachi!”

That finally did the trick, knocking Itachi out of his trance. He yanked his hand back like he’d been burnt, “Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.”

You burst out laughing while Itachi buried his red face in his hands. It was extra amusing because it was stoic Itachi who had accidentally been two pieces of fabric away from giving you a handjob. Porn logic was equal parts horny and hilarious, it seemed.

“Don’t worry about it.” You continued to giggle through the words and helped Itachi to his feet. “Can you grab me some pyjamas and point me in the direction of the bathroom, please?”

“Right, yes, of course, the bathroom is through that door, I’ll go grab you something to wear and leave it outside the door.” Itachi scurried off, cheeks pink, and you followed his directions into the nearest bathroom, pushing open the door and closing it behind you.

It was weird to see a bathroom lit only by warm candlelight, but there were certainly enough candles to do it. Every surface had at least three candles and a plant, arranged in a way that made you once again think of your Pinterest board, but also of the massive fire hazard this would surely be if Itachi couldn’t do magic.

You leant against the bathroom door and pressed a hand over your chest to calm your rapidly beating heartbeat. This porn logic thing felt good for your soul and bad for your heart. That whole series of events had been pretty funny though, and you certainly weren’t going to complain about having Itachi’s hands on you. Even though you’d only known him for a day, you were already very happy with your choice. Actually, that brought up a great question.

‘James? How long do I have in each of the pocket dimensions?’

‘Long enough, human alpha.’

You huffed; that was so unhelpful. What was also unhelpful was your massive boner. While this was an erotica, things hadn’t moved so quickly that you thought Itachi would be down for going all the way on your first night, and you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. You wanted to move a little more slowly, to make sure he was comfortable and savour the moment. You also refused to blow this like those incels James had mentioned. You were above that which meant the boner had to go.

“Please go down?” you tried asking politely, taking off your stained trousers. It stayed stubbornly upright, not even wilting slightly once exposed to the cold air. You sighed; that never worked. Well, here goes nothing.

You moved over to the sink and turned on the cold tap, a grimace already forming on your face.

‘James, wish me luck.’

‘Why do you need—’

You yelped loud enough that some birds outside the window took flight in shock. Fuck, that was cold!

…

When that was sorted, you opened the door to find a neat pile of pyjamas, shower supplies, a towel, and toothbrush waiting for you. A quick (and almost certainly magically warmed) shower later and you were ready for bed.

Exiting the bathroom, you realised that the sofa wasn’t made up as a bed anymore, the way it had been when you’d first woken up. Itachi was nowhere to be seen, so you went to his bedroom door to find him. Having learnt your lesson from before, you knocked and waited to be called in.

“Hey,” you said softly, entering his bedroom. You watched as he extinguished some of his candles with a candle snuffer, bathing the room in a much gentler light. The large candle shaped like a black cat that he had on his chest of drawers made you smile. You hadn’t seen it the first time, probably because you’d been distracted by two very cute, pink, round things, that you were not supposed to be thinking about brain, now was not the time!

“Hello.” He turned around and you pretended not to see the way his eyes flickered straight to your crotch before settling on your face.

“I was just going to ask if we could set the sofa back up into a bed,” you said, trying not to preen under the attention your cock had garnered from the pretty omega. Maybe he’d be thinking about that while you were thinking about his pretty nipples.

Itachi averted his eyes for a moment as he put down the candle snuffer, “It’s very cold tonight.”

“It is.”

“I’m worried that I don’t have enough blankets to keep the both of us warm, and you might still be unwell from fainting in the snowstorm, so I was thinking, do you… I mean, would you want to share my bed? With me?” Itachi spoke quickly, like he was pushing the words out as fast as possible while he still avoided making eye contact.

A grin slowly bloomed on your face; he was so cute.

“If you don’t mind, that’d be great,” you said, trying to keep your grin from coming across as creepy.

“Really?” His head spun around to face you again, his hair, which you only just realised had been freed from his ponytail, fanned out around his face. “I mean, that’s great.”

You stepped closer to him, “Great.”

He stepped closer to you, “Yeah.”

Somehow that electricity from earlier was back in the air and you felt like you were being pulled into Itachi’s orbit. Without your conscious permission, one of your hands rose and gently cupped the left side of Itachi’s face, rubbing the soft skin there with your thumb.  

You searched his face for any sign of discomfort but found none. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.  

“You’re beautiful,” you whispered, reverently. Itachi’s eyes looked glossy for a moment, but he blinked the moisture away, his long, dark eyelashes fluttering open and closed as you studied him. “I know I’ve only been here for a day, but… Is it strange to say I really like you.’

Itachi took in a sharp breath, but slowly shook his head.

 “Then, may I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Itachi breathed out, immediately closing his eyes.

Good, because he was irresistible, and although you knew it wasn’t time for sex just yet, you hadn’t chosen erotica because you wanted a slow burn.

Slowly, giving Itachi ample time to change his mind, you inched your face closer to his until you could feel the warmth radiating from his skin. You expected to feel his breath too, but you quickly realised that he must have been holding it. How cute. Well, there was no need to leave him literally or figuratively holding his breath any longer.

You pressed forward and made the connection, warm lips against warm lips, your own eyes falling closed now too. Itachi let out a very quiet noise of surprise that you only heard because you were so close to him. You let out a little hum of your own, less out of shock and more out of satisfaction. You may have only known him for about five hours, but you’d been wanting to kiss him for at least four and a half of them.

The outside world faded away as you gently guided his lips with your own. The sound of the wind howling and the cottage walls groaning, the fire in the living room crackling, all of it was secondary to the kiss.

With your free arm, you looped Itachi around the waist and tugged him closer until your chests were pressed against each other. Itachi steadied himself with one hand on your raised elbow and the other on your shoulder. Being this close was making your alpha instincts incredibly smug. He felt safe with you so soon, willing to be vulnerable in your presence, to let you love him.

With just a little bit more pressure, Itachi’s lips parted for you. The tips of your tongues met ever so slightly, just flicking against each other as the back of your throat now burnt with Itachi’s scent. The open-mouthed kissing managed to coax another, louder, noise from his lips.

“So good,” you murmured against him, relishing in the gasp that generated. You had been right; Itachi loved being praised. He was still hesitant though, only moving his lips in ways you had already moved them. He was allowing you to guide him. You wondered if he was lacking experience.

You caught Itachi’s bottom lip between your teeth and were rewarded when he bucked his hips forward, brushing them against yours. You shouldn’t have bothered getting rid of the erection earlier, because it was now back at full force. And by the feel of it, Itachi was joining you this time.

A strange flash of light bled through your closed eyelids and forced you away from Itachi with a confused noise. What on Earth?

Itachi whined, looking incredibly dazed with heavy lidded eyes and no control over his scent. He fisted one hand in your shirt like he was trying to pull you back. For a second, you thought you saw his eyes flash red, but it was gone in the next moment, and you wrote it off as a trick of the light.

What was that light, anyway?

Oh, damn. You glanced over Itachi’s shoulder and were greeted with the three remaining lit candles burning out of control. Their flames reached up at least two feet above the wick, and they were burning… pink?

“Um, Itachi? Your candles are kind of going crazy.”

He whirled around, still looking a bit dazed. With a wave of his hand, the candles returned to their normal height and colour. Itachi cleared his throat bashfully, “I didn’t mean to do that, my apologies.”

It was kind of hot that he got so into the kiss that he’d lost control of his magic.

“It’s okay,” you brushed his fringe from his face, making sure to be ever so gentle with him. Itachi was not a weak person, that’s something you were sure of, but he was weak for gentle affection and praise. The vaguely stoic man you had met hours earlier was nowhere to be found now, as Itachi gazed at you, eyes wide and open, vulnerable. “Bedtime, hm?”

“Okay,” he said, softly. Despite his agreement, he made no move to the bed, only latching one of his hands onto your shirt again. Softly you pushed on his back a little and guided him towards the bed. Only once you fully tucked him in did he let go of you and allow you to climb into the other side.

Disappointingly, Itachi made no move to cuddle, staying firmly on his own side, but you understood that he probably needed some space to process what was happening. In fact, he had kind of looked a little like some of your old partners had done when you’d put them in subspace. But that couldn’t be right, there was no way you had put him in subspace just from kissing him, right? No, that was ludicrous, he was probably just a little overwhelmed; you would leave him to his own space for now.

It had been one hell of a kiss though, you thought, touching your lips as you got yourself comfortable in the bed. Itachi was doing things to your brain and your body. You didn’t know if it was him, some kind of magic, or the effect of living inside an erotica novel, but every touch felt like so much more. You were chomping at the bit to eventually get to explore more of Itachi’s body and the way you could make each other feel.

You yawned, thinking over the first day you’d had. It had been really fun. You still had to consider the specifics of what kind of backstory you wanted to give yourself, but you had plenty of time to figure that out later. You didn’t know how you were going to explain wandering the woods in the middle of a snowstorm what sounded like miles from the nearest village. You were also going to have to get your hands on a map at some point so you could name an actual place that you were supposedly from. That was a problem for future you though.

The quaint, cottage core existence had been treating you well, supplemented by magic of course. It was making you feel warm and fuzzy, like part of you was being healed by living like this. It was simple and relaxing, and all around nice. Tomorrow, when the search for the ingredients began, you were looking forward to seeing more of the world.

Just as you had finally found a comfortable position on your back, and your thoughts had begun to drift, Itachi turned over so that he was facing you. You couldn’t tell if he was fully asleep, or just tired and acting on impulse, but he quickly plastered himself to your side, tucking his head into your neck, wrapping an arm around your torso, and hitching a leg over your hips, inadvertently grinding his hard cock straight into your thigh. Once he was comfortable, he let out a big sigh and relaxed completely. It didn’t surprise you that someone so lonely and gentle wanted to cuddle in his sleep.

You weren’t going to move him, and you were too tired to think about the hard warmth that was currently poking you, so you simply allowed the sound of his quiet purrs to lull you to sleep. You would make sure he was satisfied once you’d both had a good sleep.

‘Goodnight, James,’ you mentally slurred out, tucking your face into Itachi’s hair. You vaguely heard her reply before you drifted away, comfortable and completely exhausted.

Next Chapter

[darcytaylor]

I am honestly seeing some of the most fascinating examples of cognitive dissonance in this fandom with the reaction people have to Luke and A vs the idea of Nic with Jake Dunn. People who have been all up in arms around the age difference between L&A are suddenly ok with the idea of N&JD and giving the most reaching answers to justify it. At the end of the day, they are extending a grace to Nic’s side of things in a way they wouldn’t ever give Luke and, personally, I find it difficult to watch. I actually am starting to feel bad for everyone involved.

I’ll say it, the promo tour honestly was a mistake that is going to haunt the two of them for a long time. They did too good of a job selling something to a fandom who were already probably a bit overcommitted and now it’s basically an uncontrolled animal.

I have seen a lot of cognitive dissonance, especially when it comes to celebrities! I do think the issue is putting people on a pedestal and then also having the halo effect (having a positive impression of a person which then influences the perception of their specific traits and behaviours). It’s a weird phenomenon, and for the most part, people don’t even realize it’s happening - I think that's part of why it makes it so fascinating.

Because I’ve been aware of this happening (not only in the Bridgerton universe), it doesn’t shock me that this would be occurring now. I’ve observed people being inconsistent to various situations, and it seems to be a common pattern across different fandoms and public figures.

Cognitive dissonance and the halo effect explain why fans engage with and interpret celebrity behaviour in such varied ways. They can blur perceptions of reality, with people’s positive or negative impressions of a celebrity affecting their judgments and sometimes leading to a lack of critical consistency.

Another challenge I think, is that this can make honest discussion difficult within fandoms. Criticizing someone that others love can be seen as hateful, while defending someone others dislike can make you the problem. This environment can stifle open dialogue and create tension.

I try to carefully consider my responses, hoping they encourage more critical thinking about certain situations. Thank you for the opportunity to express my thoughts by being in my asks!

I don't know if the promo tour was a mistake as of now - there were definitely some flaws. It created some drama (that seems to still be in discussions), it created some heighten expectations and emotions, and all of that led to extreme reactions. I think the tour sold a vision that intensified the fandom's engagement, making it hard to manage and control.

We will see what happens once the focus is more so on Season 4!

[salt-clangen]

Beauty in the clans:

So first off a lot of this is inspired by @bonefall’s AU and @rippleclan (ofc) so shout out to them!

So first off let’s go over what’s considered universally attractive to all the clans and then we’ll go into individual groups.

So first off like Bones has said here, the clans are a combat centered culture unique to the area so scars and battle prowess are considered extremely attractive.

Other things clan cats find desirable:

Neatness, keeping your pelt well groomed and free of tangles

A general sense of pride in your appearance, whether that’s decorating your fur, keeping your teeth clean, or having good posture etc

Good speaker, you don’t have to be a talkative cat (in fact a lot of clans don’t like that) but when you speak it should be polished and well versed, no stuttering or rambling

Scars, can’t emphasize this enough torn ears, missing tails, or other severe injuries are desirable, it shows your strength and durability, this includes chronic illnesses and physical disabilities

A desire for kits, while not all cats want to have kits the culture of the clans is longevity and that requires reproducing at a steady rate, so having kits is seen as a noble and important part of adulthood. Also given that the kits will be raised in a cooperative environment the burden of raising a litter isn’t as overwhelming as it may seem to loners or kittypets

Now onto what each clan finds attractive (excluding Saltclan as it’s just 3 cats rn)

Duskclan:

This clan has the most emphasis on scars = beautiful, not surprising anyone, but it’s not just scars it’s scars from noble battles like defending the clan or a dangerous hunt

Dark pelts, especially solid or two colored pelts, this is because the clan is located in the shadowy dark pine forest and they’re clan founder Duskstar had a dark two toned pelt so it’s seen as being more in tuned with their ancestors

Striking eyes are attractive, usually bright yellow or a lighter grey or blue to contrast with a dark pelt

Scents are controversial as Duskclan cats believe that the natural scent of a well groomed cat is desirable, even if it’s on the stronger side, as long as it’s not over powering or sour, they don’t often cover their natural scent unless it’s for big game hunts or covert missions, they tend to have a pine undertone to their scent

Stoicism, remaining calm and level headed is attractive, they live in a difficult and dangerous environment so staying composed in a stressful situation is attractive big plus

Being respected by the clan, having lots of successful apprentices or leading patrols a lot, just being very revered by your clan shows you’re someone of importance and competence

Deep spiritualism or connection to the ancestors, being the most pious clan of course

Dusk clan is the clan of ‘vibes’ physical appearance can be ignored if an individual has a presence and esteem, they value a mate that can steal their breath away just by entering the camp

The love language of this clan is Acts of Service and Physical Touch

Based on this the most attractive cat in the clan (that we’ve met at least) is Greyclaw! With Darkfold being a close second.

Least attractive is Thornstrike, no one is quite sure how he got a babe like Jaggedstar, he might be competent and physically attractive but his vibes are garbage and no one likes him

Honeyclan:

This clan has the least emphasis on scars being desirable, they’re mostly neutral on the subject

Having a patterned coat is attractive as it shows a cat’s uniqueness and individuality, calicos are particularly attractive

Deep colored eyes are desirable, amber and dark blues or greens are seen as very pretty

Smelling good is VERY important, not just having a mild scent, but a pleasant and unique one as well, rolling in flowers is a common practice

Glossy fur, now all the clans appreciate a good shiny coat but Honeyclan takes it a step further, they use various techniques to achieve the shiniest pelt possible, usually with balms made of beeswax and aromatic plants to help with their scents too

Being a good story teller is also important, more so being charismatic and interesting, this clan values fascinating and unique individuals

Commitment! Cats of this clan are in it for the long run, so they want a mate that is loyal and with them every step of the way

This is the ‘superficial’ clan, they’re big on first impressions and appearances but their desire for faithfulness is a lot more subtle

The love language of this clan is Words of Affirmation and Quality Time

Based on this the most attractive cat in the clan is Sweetclover (though we haven’t seen many cats from this clan yet)

Least attractive (that we’ve met) is Rookstar, his coat is plain and scruffy no matter what he does, but he makes up for it by being nice and charming, at least enough to bag a mate whose considered very attractive

Don’t worry we’ll meet the actual least attractive cat eventually and it’ll be funny

Oakclan:

Oakclan is, once again, the clan of the moderates, they favor scars more than Honeyclan but less than Duskclan

This clan is big on rich, bright colors pelts, doesn’t matter if it’s patterned or not but they love a flashy, distinctive coat

They also like bright eye colors, like blue or cyan

Decorating your pelt is also popular, feathers, braids, and plants are a great way to differentiate yourself, some cats are even working on earrings for added pizazz

Being well liked by the clan is attractive, not necessarily respected, but popularity shows that a cat has been ‘vetted’ as a good companion

Bold statements and flirtation are very charming as it shows confidence

Probably the most attractive trait is creativity and craftsmanship, cats that are good artisans are popular considering how much of the clan culture is centered around their innovations, gift giving is common

Bantering is also a big plus, being well spoken and quick witted enough to go back and forth with someone (either as adversaries or flirting) is attractive, many cats practice their debate skills as a past time

This is the ‘Flirty’ clan, they’re the most bold with their courtships and willingness to find mates outside of the clan (though they expect their mates to join Oakclan) and it’s very common to see the gregarious cats trying out their charms at gatherings

The love language for this clan is Gift Giving and Words of Affirmation

Based on this the most attractive cat of this clan is Onebranch, or at least he certainly thinks so, in reality it’s Archstar, they’re striking, popular, and skillful

Least attractive is probably Mousefoot, hes a bit of a grump and doesn’t put much thought into his appearance or relationships, most cats think he’s strange

[many-but-one]

Hey! Why did I split over something not even THAT traumatic??

I'm here to tell you. :)

So, this particular discussion has come up in our system server before and it's actually something I've wanted to talk about for a long time on Tumblr because I've never actually seen someone talk about this, and I am being hit with a sudden god-like hubris at 3 in the morning, so here we go!

So your question was "Why did I just split? What just happened wasn't even that traumatic. I've been through so much worse in the past, I don't even feel that stressed. What the hell? Am I just making this new part up?" and on and on. The idea that only the most awful and traumatic things are what cause splits in DID (especially later in life, after the childhood trauma window of 7-9ish has ended and especially in adulthood) is actually incredibly false, and I am about to explain why.

Note: This is about traumagenic DID systems, so endogenic systems, please stay off of this post thank you. :) /not mad

Note number two: I do want to get out of the way, that all parts DO split for a reason, there's no parts that exist for no reason (even if the reason doesn't seem relevant to you now, it may have been relevant at the time of the split, OR may have been somehow relevant to your brain even if it doesn't make sense to you now.) So I want to make it really clear that splits do not occur only because of hyperfixations. There typically has to be something going on for a split to occur, and hyperfixation alone will not cut it. Alright, now that I've got that out of the way, let's talk about how DID brains run on patterns.

DID brains run on patterns, like I said. All brains do, actually, but DID brains take it to an nth degree because these patterns that it learns are what help it stay alive in a distressing and traumatic environment during childhood. Our brains are remarkably plastic and they will do whatever is necessary to survive a given situation. It's why something like DID can even exist.

So what kind of patterns do we typically see in brains with DID? Well, the easiest one is that a lot of people with DID have pretty similar alter "types" or "roles." This is just a widespread pattern that you see across a large demographic of systems. It's why terms like "gatekeeper" and "protector" and "caretaker" exist. Because nearly all DID systems have parts that fill those roles, even if those roles aren't filled in the most "traditional" sense. DID is rarely random, every part exists for an express reason, and that reason is almost always symbolic in some way, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Once you start learning trauma memories and WHY parts exist, you very quickly start to see the symbolism and sometimes it is absolutely fucking terrifying, to say the least.

What other patterns are common?

Well, patterns we see in our own system and in other systems are something quite literally called "splitting patterns" which are more common in polyfragmented systems but not exclusive to them. This has various ways of showing itself, and the user @foreverfragmented made a post awhile back that I'm having a really hard time finding, HOWEVER I did screenshot the section about splitting patterns when I first read it, attached below:

Wow that photo ended up bigger than I thought it would be. lol. Anyway. Those are another example of splitting patterns. (Note: in the original post, FF talks about how some of the terms above were coined by them or other systems, so not recognized medically, however I think they were worded perfectly which is why I shared them here.)

Another few examples include alter templates (AKA, splitting the same alter over and over in varying iterations), the same parts going out for the same types of trauma every single time, and why certain alter roles very often have the same "flavor" of personality.

For example, gatekeepers are often considered a bit cold and distant, and can be very analytically minded and rarely react purely on emotion alone. (I feel like the most common gatekeeper Myers-Briggs has gotta be INTJ...that was a joke, lmao.) This is typically for a reason. You have to have a certain mindset and a certain way of handling things to be able to properly manage a system. And this is not to say all gatekeepers are this way, but the pattern of a LOT of gatekeepers being like this is not unnoticed. Our DID specialist could tell pretty early on that our primary gatekeeper (James) was a gatekeeper long before he ever told her he was simply because of how he held himself, how he spoke about others in the system, and how much he despised her for "stepping on his toes"😂 They work together much better now, FYI, but it was rough in the beginning.

An example of alter templates in our system in particular is what we call the "Michaels." They were some of our earliest alters, and our brain was like "hey this guy is working really well, so I'm just gonna keep doing it." And it worked! Then, when trauma shifted to something completely different but in the same vein (CSA) our brain once again attempted to use this "Michael" template. It didn't work quite the same. And so our brain had to figure out these new patterns, which it was fucking desperate to do because we were going through some heinous shit that it could hardly even comprehend. I've learned that basically every blue-eyed white-haired motherfucker in here was a Michael copy at one point, but had elaborated into some other version that suited its job more.

Now, for the example that is going to actually help me explain the answer to the question posed at the very beginning of this post: alters who go out for the same things over and over.

So, depending on splitting tolerance, or whatever you happen to be going through in your childhood, you will likely have various "groups" of alters that handle certain things. If you had a particularly tumultuous childhood with several varying types of traumas, you will probably have several of these groups. And depending on length of trauma time, severity of trauma time, and levels of support during trauma time, these groups may be very large.

For example, if you had a situation like domestic violence (DV) happening in your household, you will have a part or parts dedicated just for DV, and if you also had CSA going on, you will have a separate group of parts (or a single part) who handles only the CSA. Unless your system is quite small and you have alters take multiple types of abuses, this is pretty commonly the case. [Note: want to say this is not subsystems unless these groups are highly separated via either amnesia barriers or inner world (IW) barriers, and have better communication with each other versus the rest of the system. The definition of subsystem gets a little funky, but we're not talking about that. Just wanted to make that clear. You can have groups of alters without them being subsystems.]

"Okay, so yeah, you're right. I have alter groups for [insert various traumas] what does that have to do with me splitting over [insert mundane thing that isn't even really traumatic]?"

Continuing on the "DID brains run on patterns" line of thinking, if your brain has patterns set and understood for the various traumas that you lived through in your childhood, usually up until teen years or adulthood, your brain knows what to do when those traumas occur again. The patterns are set. It's why it's super common for people with DID who experience SA in teen or adult years and don't end up having a split. Unless they have an extremely low splitting tolerance or the situation is extremely unique, the brain will just recycle what it already has. No need to go through the literally massively painful and traumatic experience of splitting again for something it already knows how to handle. This being said, the part that experiences this might end up splitting at a much later date if this trauma is far too difficult for it to handle, this is also common because sometimes it's "easy" to handle the trauma in the moment because they're used to this flavor of trauma but the processing of said trauma afterward can be just as traumatic and can cause a split.

Same if your father was super abusive to your mother, or vise versa, and you happen to have an abusive partner. That pattern is known and comfortable. That's what professionals mean by "DID systems are more likely to be victims of abuse than perpetrators." They return to the comfortable patterns, which, with DID, equals abuse. Things outside of those patterns are dangerous and confusing to navigate and the brain will avoid that at all costs.

However, and this is the answer to the question. What happens when something happens that the brain doesn't recognize in its "pattern database"? I'll give an example.

Say you were very high achieving in school. This is pretty common of systems who were diagnosed in adulthood, so far as I've seen. You likely did really well, had really high marks because your parents expected it of you or were abusive and angry if you didn't constantly constantly succeed in their eyes. This can also reflect in sports, clubs, musical talents, etc. This pattern continues on in adulthood. You push yourself very hard to be high achieving. Whether this be in a college setting, a work setting, etc. You are likely often doing well in those fields pre-system discovery, at least. Post discovery often leads to the "spiraling" phase, which sucks but again that's not what we're discussing.

So, say you have a job. You're hella good at it. You are always receiving praise, you are always getting raises, your reviews are always hella good. You're like "okay yeah, I'm good at this job, so I'm going to apply to a higher paid position in the company that just opened up."

And then...you don't get the job. Well, that sucks. Better luck next time, right?

Wrong. Well, not entirely. That's completely true. But that's not how your brain is actually processing this, is it?

You might tell yourself "oh well" but in your high achieving brain's POV, it's like "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???? WE DON'T DO THE FAILURE STUFF!!! WHAT THE F***!!!" And it might panic, and several alters might panic, and the host might panic, and suddenly they're spiraling out of control over something that is mildly disappointing at best. Because WE DON'T HAVE A GUY FOR THIS?! We have a guy for SA, we have a guy for DV, we have a guy for medical trauma, we have a guy for bullying, etc. But we don't have a guy for REJECTION?! AHHH! [splits a part just to handle rejection.]

In adulthood, I've noticed both in myself and other systems I frequently speak to, these highly specialized parts are more commonly split in adulthood. Because while patterns are super helpful in childhood when you're experiencing the generally same shit over and over, in adulthood or even late teen years, there's so many effing unknowns that the brain is just like "what the actual fuck is this, this doesn't follow the fucking SCRIPT you guys. The PATTERNS?? Do they mean nothing to you??"

DID is a disorder that is incredibly helpful for survival in childhood and is an absolutely miserable crutch to live with in adulthood. And that's not me saying it super sucks all the time, but the disorder is not meant to happen, it shouldn't have happened, and coping with it without therapy and proper integration of parts and memories just makes adulthood kind of a hellscape, to be frank. There are tons of positives, I am so thankful, don't get me wrong. But there are a lot of downsides too.

So, to kind of drive home some examples of things that can cause a split that might not even be inherently traumatic based on my own experience and the experiences of some folks in our system server:

-(TW: mild NSFW in this one) We had our first consensual sexual experience when we were 19. We didn't have a guy for that. Everything we'd ever experienced throughout our childhood and teen years was not consensual. So when we were having consensual sex with our girlfriend, we were losing our mind because we didn't have this pattern integrated. So we split a guy whose literal only job was "consensual sex" and he was pretty much made to be the "perfect partner" for our girlfriend.

-We have a part whose only job is to play video games. We didn't know why until we realized he was fronting during stressful family gatherings and was playing videogames to pass the time until they were allowed to leave.

-We have a part that split only to handle our irrational fear of getting sick with a deadly illness right around COVID lockdown time.

-We had a part split just to internalize the feeling of "going to hell" due to our religious beliefs at the time.

-We have a lot of parts that split just to hold feelings of anger, sadness, or fear, even in adulthood. This is common in situations where anger or showing emotions was not allowed in childhood, so if the brain decides that's not allowed, when a part gets overly angry they might split a part to hold that anger, which then typically gets buried deep down.

Note about the above example: Trauma therapists often say that anger is one of the last emotions processed when processing traumatic events. Which is why "anger holding alters" are so so so fucking common. Kids and teens and adults get angry and if that's not allowed in some way shape or form, the brain will suppress it. It's also why it's common for people with DID to be able to "turn off" emotions or if triggered, will have a sudden intense burst of emotions (typically anger or frustration) because of how intensely repressed emotions often have to be just to survive living in a toxic environment that would cause something like DID. When you were a kid, you couldn't cry in front of your parents because you would be ridiculed or punished. So you will "turn it off" and go hide to cry later. But if, as an adult, you never let yourself "go cry later," that shit will build up and cause those intense emotional breakdowns, even after something that's considerably smaller scale than what you're used to. Kind of considered the "straw that broke the camel's back." You can be having a shit week with horrible thing after horrible thing and you're doing really well at "shutting it off" especially when around others, because god forbid you let the mask fall, and then suddenly you can't open a cheese stick or you can't find your keys so you might be late, or there's a stain on your shirt right before work, or the entire contents of your bag get dumped onto the floor of your car because you had to brake too hard...and that's when the breakdown happens.

Anyway, to get back on track, there are probably a plethora of other ways a system could split that seem mundane or "not that traumatizing" or alter roles might be super hyper-specific and the reasoning for that is because ✨patterns✨ We love to see it. /sar

Hope this was helpful! If you have further questions, feel free to hit up the ask box or the replies. :)

-Dori🌹

(Again, endos please don't interact, this is not for you. This is for the folks whose DID was caused via childhood trauma. These patterns likely would not exist in someone whose system didn't form from repeated traumas.)

[skyeblue8]

𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐎𝐥𝐲𝐦𝐩𝐮𝐬 𝐯𝐬. 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐯𝐚 𝐁𝐨𝐬𝐬 (𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬)

Whether or not you're all familiar with the Webcomic, Lore Olympus is an award-winning comic created by Rachel Smythe that's essentially about a modern retelling of the Hades and Persephone myth with various other Gods and references in it, and what not. And, assuming you have a critical eye when it comes to writing, it's has become wildly disliked and even hated by a lot of critics and former fans due to the butchering of myths and gods (and a religion), unlikeable characters, poor character design, poorer handling of sensitive topics like SA and racism, and overall the author's inability to listen and take critism that would've helped her improve.

The reason I bring this up at all is because I have the nagging fear that Helluva Boss and, by extension, Hazbin Hotel, are going to be doomed to fall into the same pit of failure as Lore Olympus is, mainly due to a nagging pattern that I've noticed between the two:

The Writers. The two are relatively close in age and, in my opinion, immaturity in writing as evidenced by the various plot inconsistencies, character treatment and development, and poor world-building established in both media. On top of that, however, both have a significantly bad reception to criticism of their work in any way, shape, or form. We've seen this before in how Viv herself states that she's been told that she can't take criticism well since she was 17.

Now, it's one thing to have these claims as a teenager, it's another to have them as a fully grown adult and not learn to mature past this issue by now. The number one issue with ignoring criticism for so long, especially in your very popular work, is that eventually, it's going to show. Sooner or later, many of your fans, regardless of how they felt about your work prior, are gonna notice small flaws that gradually become bigger and more glaring the longer they are ignored.

Time and time again, this issue has arisen in Rachel Smythe's work, both in design:

As well as writing...

Speaking of which, I'm beginning to see a similarity in their writing issues in the fact that, evidently, neither creator had/has any set plan for how their stories are gonna be told. Readers of LO have seen that from the frequent additions of various, random plots with the previously established plots having not been concluded in a meaningful or tactful way, and we see this with Vivzie and Season 2.

Going off this, both Vivzie and Smythe show blatant favoritism towards their main characters or love interests that prevent other characters from having their own development (i.e., Millie), as well as keeps the main couple from having any sort of flaws that the audience would perceive as truly bad, thus removing any nuance to them.

We see this in Persephone and her character:

And we see the same with Stolas and Blitzo, mainly in regards to Stolas' past and situation with Stella, as well as Blitzø's own past as we're made to constantly feel bad for him despite him not being the victim. It's made worse since we've yet to know what he did to every single person he's wronged, but, for that, I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt until we see more of Season 2.

Lastly, and probably the most glaring thing for me, both Smythe and Vivize take inspiration from real-world religions (RS –> Greek Polytheism; Vivzie –> Christianity/Demonology). These religions are both widespread in their popularity and, thus, are important to millions around the world. Because of this, both should surely have a sense of obligation to not bastardize the stories and characters they referenced in their work and/or should make their likeness relatively similar to their original works so others who know of it are familiar with the characters.

Both creators have failed to do so at some point in time and have gone so far as to push the blame on their audience rather than admit fault and work to improve.

Viv with Beelezbub

And Smythe with Persephone and the other gods/Goddesses:

Worst yet, both use social media as a means of weaponizing their fanbase against those who have a few critiques about each work of media. Now, what I can say for Viv is that the severity of these issues hasn't fully hit her yet, whereas Smythe, despite her awards, is feeling the brunt of her poor writing choices from former fans and readers. While Helluva Boss is more new and doesn't hold as much overwhelming significance to me, I've been with Hazbin Hotel since the beginning before the pilot even aired.

It's because of this that my greatest concern is that if Viv doesn't start seeing through these issues within Helluva Boss and, really, herself, then both shows may be doomed to fail, without Hazbin airing in its entirety. Worse yet, it would be a major blow for fellow indie creators who look up to her as an inspiration, so I really hope she doesn't reach RS's level of infamy in her work. 🙏

*PS: For a better Lore Olympus's viewing experience, I recommend this:

[tildeathiwillwrite]

genuine qustion, bc i dont understand whump, why do you like it? whats the appeal? am i missing something?

I'm going to assume from the wording of this question that you already have an idea of what whump is, and you're asking why someone would want to read/write it, but if not here is a good post summarizing the genre.

This post is divided into two parts below the cut: the appeal of whump for me, and an explanation of why I like whump.

For me, personally, the appeal of whump comes from putting a character (whether that be an someone else's character, my original character, or a nameless whumpee) in Situations (with or without a whumper), and then having the difficult recovery or healing process (usually with a caretaker). Sometimes I deviate from this pattern, such as omitting the recovery, but that is usually my main focus.

A bit more emphasis on the comfort in hurt/comfort, but there's also hurt in the comfort.

My main love of whump stems from the tropes I enjoy:

Used as bait (where a whumpee is captured with the intent on using them to lure the caretaker into trying to rescue them in order to capture the caretaker too). I like this one because of the suspense of knowing it's a trap, and wondering if the caretaker will manage to rescue the whumpee, or get captured themselves.

Magic whump (whump but in the fantasy genre). This one gives more possibilities or twists on usual whump tropes by adding magic into the mix. Combined with my love for fantasy writing.

Captivity whump (a whumpee captured by a whumper, usually including various forms of torture). This trope is very versatile. Why were they captured? What does the whumper gain by torturing them? So many possibilities. Not to mention the rescue afterwards!

Sickfic (whumpee is sick, usually with a caretaker). Someone else mentioned this before, I don't remember who otherwise I would've linked them, but illness is something rarely seen in existing media. When a piece of media has whump, it's usually torture or a fight scene, but I've only ever seen sickness a handful of times. I like the idea of a character having all these cool abilities but still getting the common cold, especially when they have someone else to take care of them. Also it's easier to write from experience for this then, say, getting stabbed.

PTSD whump (when a character has trauma). This is more of a recovery trope. I hate it when a piece of media has a character go through an incredibly traumatizing event and then as soon as they're out, they're perfectly fine mentally. Let the character have ptsd, dammit! I don't really write this often, but when I do I love writing the nightmares in particular.

Immortal whump (with a character who, for whatever reason, cannot die). I love this one because it opens up even more possibilities for whumping. It usually depends on how the character's immortality works, but they can take a lot more damage than any other whumpee.

Realism in whump (realistic injuries, illness, and recovery). Really just a preference, as I'm studying in the medical field and already know a lot about how the human body works, so I use that knowledge and apply it to my writing. For example, fainting as portrayed in hollywood movies is a lot different from how fainting actually is. Involves a fair amount of research, but I personally think it's worth it.

(side note: I haven't really found any tropes which I strongly dislike, but out of personal preference I avoid smut and nsfw whump such as rape)

As to why I like whump? This was a tough question to answer, to properly articulate. It's fiction. And writing give me freedom to do pretty much anything to the characters and through the characters. I suppose whump is another way to exercise that creativity. "I know how the character reacts to this Situation, but what about this other Situation?"

I know some other writers use whump writing to work through their trauma, as catharsis. Props to them, but I don't write whump for that reason. I always liked putting my characters in Situations, and then a couple years ago discovered what whump was, went "that's a thing?!" and basically dove in head first.

The Tumblr whump community itself has also been very sweet and welcoming, I draw a lot of inspiration from the other writers, especially when I'm trying to figure out what to write next. I doubt I would still be writing whump if the community wasn't as welcoming, and I'm very glad it's not the case. If you go back in my archive, the first writing I started posting was whump. Nameless whump turned into oc whump, which turned into posting about my WIPs. So if the whump community gatekept me out, I probably wouldn't be posting any writing at all (and that's very sad to think about).

I hope this post was helpful to you! I can't speak for other members of the whump community, these opinions and motives are my own. If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

[ndcultureis]

nd culture is having an controversial thought or moke like wondering, and reasons why the term "glass child" rubs me the wrong way, so i'm going to vent here??

tw: mentions of ableism

glass child: siblings of a person with a disability,that get neglected bc thdir sibling get more attention.People often perceive them transparently, especially when children seem resilient but are actually vulnerable

I feel majority of ppl who are "glass child", even before the term was created, resented their sibling and their disability bc of the neglect or if the siblings happens to be an awful person,show their ableism and excused it under their "rage". It feels like they be waiting the term to be created(?. ( I have seen many of them on the internet or irl)

"But glass child is necessary term for our experiences. It's not ableist, even if most ppl used it that way, it means we don't get taken care of bc we strong when we aren't"

I don't want to invalidate ppl's trauma neither come off as insensitive..but it happens to many neglected kids, they are viewed strong when in reality,they are vulnerable, only difference is the experiences and context, doesn't make it less valid or less painful even if there's a lot of ppl in the same situation,I get why new terms exists: to talk about topics and experiences ppl have in common, it can be helpful and all that but..why creating more terms? It's basically neglect. It can be different situations but at the end of the day, is still neglect, which it has many non excusable reasons,no matter what situation, is a form of emotional abuse. and it can happen to anyone:all genders,POC or white,lgbtq or cishet.

Many parents exhibit toxic and abusive behavior influenced by culture, generational trauma, or personal issues. This can include favoritism toward one child over another based on shallow reasons like appearance or arbitrary characteristics. Similarly, neglectful parents justify their actions with excuses like being tired, working, or caring for other family members. Such behaviors are harmful and unjustifiable.

In various scenarios, disabled kids may be viewed as burdens, facing neglect or preference towards non-disabled siblings, while a similar pattern unfolds with daughters overshowed in favor of sons due to internalized sexism,and for the dark skinned folks are ignored by their family, just to favor of their lightskinned sibling

Surprisingly, there seems to be no coined term for neglect based on ableism, colorism, sexism, etc., in these instances. (as far as I know,if someone does know those terms. Pls do tell. Idk, my first language isn't english so).

.

[ghostybat00]

🔪🌺VINCENT SINCLAIR YANDERE🌺🔪

Vincent sinclair yandere with a reader that has vitiligo.

A little of smut.

(note:I have never seen an something related to a s/o/reader with vitiligo, so I want to contribute since it is a condition I find quite beautiful,for those who do not know, it is a condition of the skin pigment, which affects the skin, hair, etc.)

s/o gender neutral.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

🔪:Vincent was looking out the window at the desolate city of Ambrose, there haven't been many visitors, until he sees a somewhat modern black car, a car that was parked at Bo's gas station, nothing important,just simple victims with nothing special, or so Vincent thought.

🔪:that's when you emerge, so elegant...so...unique...so beautiful...You obviously stood out from the rest thanks to your unique skin,you had such beautiful spots, quickly drawing Vincent's attention in a single second.

🔪:He would be so intrigued, obviously living so desolate with only 2 brothers and victims with neutral beauty, he had never seen this condition.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

🔪:Quickly He would be obsessed with seeing you, he would always be in the shadows observing every detail of you, memorizing every single spot on your skin.

🔪:I would take a lot of photos of you, seriously, too many, he would convince Bo not to kill you, that you are more valuable than a simple victim to become a wax statue.

🔪:He would consider you his perfect muse. Someone with whom he apart can use for inspiration, a person that he would like to spend his life with.

🔪:Oh, but how he hates your idiot group of friends,He even speeds up the process to make Bo kill them,he wants them away from you.

🔪:He would do many drawings and sketches first, highlighting your beautiful vitiligo condition that he considers art patterns carved into your skin,then a very own wax statue of you, every curve, blemish, detail, everything.

🔪:He would carve with his calloused hands a replica of you of wax, so carefully.

🔪:When you and your friends enter the museum, he will wait for you to separate from the others, he will put a piece of cloth with chloroform on your delicate lips.

🔪:He will tie you up and keep you in his bassement,he tries to make it clear that he won't hurt you, even though he can't talk.

🔪:He'll keep you tied to a chair, one of his favorite things is tracing the spots on your skin with his finger delicately, finding each unique and cute spot of vitíligo on you, even in somewhat...private places.

🔪:Sometimes he strips you naked, to appreciate your vitiligo spots more, on every private part of your cute little body.

🔪:This also goes hand in hand with various drawings of your naked body in suggestive poses.

🔪:He also likes to tease you and seeing so needy,if it escalates the situation and You and him are doing the act, he also likes to kiss your spots while entering you.

[ravenshavenn]

Just wanted to say congrats on the followers, and I head canon Severus as autistic too. Sometimes I bring it out more in some stories than in others, but I do think it works and he was based off of a man who was on the autism spectrum too. Also, I'm autistic so let him be autistic. So, a question for you. How do you think Severus deals with having an autistic meltdown? Does he find a private place to let it all go? Does he just ward it off and keep it in with Occlumency? Something else?

Oh, and I thought of another canon thing that could support his autism. Autistic people often have trouble sleeping, and we see him prowling the corridors at night sometimes. Maybe his sleeping issues are related to his autism. Man hasn't heard of melatonin, or it just doesn't work for him. (It didn't for me).

Of course, sleeping problems could also be from PTSD/hyper vigilance which I also see him as having. Also, what is a secret stim that he does in private? And last question, sorry, but do you head canon Snape as smoking? It's a popular head canon and I'm asking because, if you do think he smokes, do you think smoking could count as a stim? :D

Snape and autism

Hi! Thank you so much for your comment its nice to meet someone else who's autistic and in the fandom! We're not alone lol :D and I've tried my best to add to the headcanons bellow, I hope you enjoy! :)

meltdowns - I think he'd unfortunately be a bit ashamed of them choosing to use his occlumency to mask until he could reach a quiet, dark corner somewhere that he could sooth himself but if he was unable to leave a situation for example becoming overstimulated during a meeting he would become noticeably agitated, snapping at anyone who dared to try and talk to him and leaving as soon as he possibly could hurrying away to let his guard down somewhere private

sleep - I agree I could definitely see his autism effecting his sleep patterns the dark circles under his eyes are DEEP I can imagine him trying to brew something for himself to help but giving up after it doesn't work and instead he just wanders the castle enjoying the dark and the silence. Although I can also see his brewing and dark magic research keeping him awake with the need to spend time on his special interests distracting him until morning and he realizes he has no time to rest, accidently pulling an all nighter several times a week just to have time to focus on his various hyperfixations or projects that he has on the go

However, I also agree that he definitely has other issues going on he could definitely have PTSD or depression (or both) meaning that he struggles to sleep and stays awake trying to keep himself calm and away from the negative thoughts swirling around in his head

smoking - I have thought about Severus smoking because I've seen lots of amazing fanart of it and it does pop up in fanfiction every now and again but I'm honestly not sure if I think he would or not

Personally, due to my own sensory issues I'm not a fan of smoking so if I was to selfishly headcanon him I'd have to say that he wouldn't and that possibly living in the time that he did it was popular and so Tobias smoked heavily leading to Severus hating it

Although, with his various mental health issues and it still being the social norm at the time I can definitely imagine him smoking and I can certainly see it being a stim, even though I don't smoke personally I know several others with autism who find the experience comforting and it can also help with anxiety as well therefore, easing Severus's nerves during his days as a spy

stims - Severus definitely tries to keep his stimming in public to a minimum by only rubbing his hands together but in private he feels more comfortable to express himself, I can imagine him grumbling to himself for comfort and making little sounds as he brews, bouncing on his toes when he walks about and tapping on nearby surfaces, also potentially biting his nails? Although he definitely doesn't acknowledge any of this as stimming and puts it down to his "nerves" while being a spy and believes he's just "fidgeting" as that's what he was told in his childhood repeatedly whenever someone saw him stimming

[thisisyourprincipalspeaking]

Hi All,

I won’t name the website but at this point we’re all in this shitshow together. 😅

I was looking through some older “threads” IYKYK…… and I saw a lot of people did similar observations as we do now, but on Chris’ relationships with Minka and Jenny. I’m reading through what took place and it’s like rinse and repeat.

Unfortunately now we have……

Racism

Age gap

Messy Relationship

Marriage

Legit evidence that leads on to assume this is PR

Like the 2023 Celebrity Wedding list…..the biggest star on that list should have been Chris, yet he wasn’t added and the same media outlet had to create a separate article titled “Hollywood Bachelor’s We’re Sad to See Off The Market” or some crap, just to add the fact that Chris was “married”, yet all the other men listed were on the official marriage list…..EXCEPT him. Stuff like that made me go, now wait. 🤔

But reading through things that happened back 2012 and 2017……Chris has always been in mess and apparently I wasn’t fully aware of that.

Like I don’t assume him and Jenny weren’t real, but some of the same ones currently screaming how him and the “wife” are legit, treated Jenny like shit (screenshots all over google and elsewhere) Jenny trolled, tweeted awful things and I guess it’s just crazy to see the dynamic shift between people while some stuff seems the same, is all.

But the difference between Jenny/Minka vs this crap is we all could SEE Chris clearly loved or liked them very much to the point majority never assumed it was only Pr. Real relationship being used for PR at times, sure, but never just straight up PR.

Yet this current BS, screams ONLY PR!

I don’t know if Chris thought this girl was cool in the beginning but by the time this shitshow debuted it was obvious dynamics changed once they were public because he acted like he couldn’t stand her, so people screamed PR, plus the trolling and her racist friends, but to add a marriage to this is where people were like 😳 like you didn’t even propose to Jenny yet you chose this chick?!

I don’t want to sound overly invested in this man’s life, but it’s crazy to read and see various types of similarities which makes me go…..okay so Chris likes drama, has always had issues in relationships public wise which is why some believe this is legit, but what exactly is this situation because even if it’s legit, why all the orchestrated stuff plus as I mentioned before he wasn’t added to the official wedding list, various things that led to logical questions still leave us stomped. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just interesting is all.

you bring up a lot of great points that i think are worth consideration. a lot of things i've seen discussed by many fans as well. i won't pretend that people don't change, because they do. and we also change with each relationship. but making note of the stark differences in overall relationship patterns is valid.

it's also a good point to bring up that ce has always been messy. i think a lot of people forget this. the only thing i will challenge is that we don't know if he did or did not propose to jenny. we can just assume that they were never engaged.

[linnienin]

👑 ⁓⁕G e o r g e ⁕ & ⁕ C h a r l o t t e⁕⁓ 👑 : ( 2 / 8 t h ⁕ a n d ⁕ 6 / 1 2 t h ⁕ h o u s e s )

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓ A n ⁕ a s t r o l o g y ⁕ r e t r o s p e c t i v e ⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

⚠ S p o i l e r ⁕ a l e r t ! ⚠

This is a retrospective, so i will dive deep into the plot and characters of the series, if you haven't seen it yet, you have been warned, read at your discretion, or save this for later once you finish the series.

D i s c l a i m e r: this is my personal interpretation and opinion, i accept critical thinking and discussions with an open-mind, but i won't tolerate rudeness, thanks

⚠ L o n g ⁕ p o s t ⚠

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

Dear reader,

How are you? Hope you're feeling good ✨

This is a new type of format, i called it "Astrology retrospective"

It dives deep into some movies/series and tries to analize them through the lens of various astrological placements, to give a more tangible example of them

Hope you find this entertaining 😊

Enjoy! 👑

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

⁕ T h e m e s :

George: 2/8 axis

Stubborn, opening up, vulnerability, hiding behind the finances and the stable persona, royalty

Comfortable with his 2nd house/taurus energy

Charlotte: 6/12 axis

Romantic, learn unconditional love, acts of service, sacrifice, humilty, delusions and fantasies, intuition

Comfortable with her 12th house/pisces energy

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

⁕ C o l o u r ⁕ l e g e n d :

B l u e : water themes, 8th house, 12th house, scorpio themes, pisces themes

G r e e n: earth themes, 2nd house, 6th house, taurus themes, virgo themes

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

⁕ M y ⁕ i n t e r p r e t a t i o n :

⁕

We understand from the beginning that Charlotte is a an emotional person, she is forced to marry a man she doesn't even know and clearly she just wants to escape this situation... quite literally ⬇

George keeps a composed and stable persona, quite flirty too (venusian energy), and persuade her to stay and marry him

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

Charlotte doesn't have much choice either and as we'll know, even though she project a strong/composed persona in public, she is actually submissive and moved by emotions

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

She enters a dream space when the wedding happens, she builds expectations and delusions on how nice this new life must feel.

She is a hopeless romantic

George however, doesn't give her the attention she deserves after the wedding and leave her alone, and he imposes on her that from that moment on they'll live in separate buildings (yeah, not even separate rooms, but two completely different locations)

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

She asks for an explanation but he loses his temper and gets aggressive, so she lets this slide for now...

The days after the wedding George never visit Charlotte, much like he has withdrawn from her life completely (both Taurus and Scorpio energy enjoy spending times alone)

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

There's a lot of confusion that surrounds Charlotte's life.

She first is confused about why she's picked to be the King's wife, then she is confused by the king's behaviour, she's confused by the emotions she feels.

She is confused about how she should feel (both Pisces and Virgo get confused by emotions quite easily, the first feels them intensely but can't quite grasp them, the second tries to intellectualize them but refuse to admit they get emotional)

She feels like an enemy, outcasted and despised by majority of the people in the castle (those people have prejudices her because of her skin tone)

And all the people keep her in the dark about what's truly going on.

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

But she is analitical and smart, she starts to pick up patterns and try to decipher the bigger plan.

Days pass and she is living alone in her beautiful castle, with so much time to herself, she start to overthink.

Until she has had enough and decide to impulsively visit the King unannounced

She has all kind of thoughts, he might has gone from one brothel to another, pleasuring himself with other women instead of his wife.

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

She feels extremely hurt and undervalued.

But what the king was actually doing was studying astronomy and the sky all day for all these past days , scribbling down his calculations

Charlotte is surprised to see he is only passionate and obsessed with his craft and she fall for this aspect of him too, deciding to study books on astronomy and sciences to impress him (Virgo nature)

However, she doesn't find the answer she was interested in getting, the king still want to keep a distance from her, and this pisses off her even more, so she just leaves and call it a day.

But, she doesn't know the king didn't tell her all the truth (8h secretive nature)

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

He is in fact sick, he cannot distinguish reality from his dream world, and he has been having episodes where he completely loses his reason to insanity.

(During the time he spent alone, isolating to go through the process of metamorphosis he was trying desperately to get better, trying the violent, sick and brutal methods of his doctor, to possibly become sane and give her the life she deserves ) He has the resiliency of Taurus/Scorpio

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

Not to mention he is the King , and he had no choice in refusing this burden he didn't even want to take, and now, his sickness will only worsen everything and making him a total fool and inept.

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

His doctors methods "stabilize" him for a little while and he gains confidence to show up and give Charlotte what he had denied to her all this time.

She is clearly mad with his inconsistent behaviour (she still doesn't know anything) but she starts to soften up quite easily (Pisces nature)

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

George is a very romantic, intense, mysterious and passionate individual, and they both enjoy their time together (i mean, they can't take the hands off each other lmao)

Until...he starts to trascure his doctor's appointments and has an episode of madness, revealing his nature to Charlotte

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

⁓⁓⁓⁓✨ WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THIS EPISODE IS BEAUTIFUL ✨⁓⁓⁓⁓

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

We can see both parties finally coming to deal with their biggest insecurities.

Charlotte deal with her fantasies, and accept the harsh truths of reality, and decides to fully sumbit herself to the crown, taking responsibilities to help the king, not only by showing acts of service towards him, but by bearing the whole weight of the crown (as we later will see, she is almost always the only one that will rule and attend events in public as the king's conditions will get only worse and he'll have to isolate completely from society)

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

George has to deal with his vulnerability, his broken sense of worth, he can't hide his secret anymore, he lost control, and now has to deal with the consequences that comes from it.

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

George's initial reaction is to isolate and give Charlotte the chance to leave and return home, that he'd understand it, but she decides to stay.

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

Charlotte taps in her 6th house energy

George taps in his 8th house energy

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

Their mutual understanding, their openness to each other, the way the bear their pain, shows how much they've grown and let themselves grow.

I wish i could insert the whole scene, but really, if you don't want to see the whole series, i'll leave you the link to this particular scene because it's so freaking beautiful, emotional and so well done and acted

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

Both George and Charlotte put aside their pride and their fears to let each other know what they truly feel despite the circumstances.

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

They both reached a sense of maturity after this scene, and a beautiful testimony of unconditional love.

Even though this is a sad story, it teaches us so much on self-acceptance, sharing and receiving and allowing ourself to in the first place.

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

Faith and hope never die, the right person with the right mentality will come, we should prepare ourselves to for that moment, because it's not really the other that doesn't understand, it's us that are not letting them the chance to.

⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓

And you've reached the end of this retrospective!

Did you enjoy reading it? ✨

I hope it gave you a better understanding on how people with prominent 2/8 and 6/12 houses' placements might behave

If you have these placements yourself i'd love to hear what you think, did you relate to the characters? Feedback is always appreciated 🥰

Wish you an amazing day ahead

Yours

Linnie 👑

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

What is the Tumblr kokobot mental health thing and why does it keep messaging me when I go into various mental health/neurodivergent tags? I'm generally looking for community and I don't appreciate this site deciding I am In Danger. You're a therapist and I feel like you've probably talked about mental health apps before so thought I'd ask

Uuuugh, that thing. I think I blocked it a couple months back. BUT, I'm going to be as fair to it as I can.

The part you and I bumped into is their automated chatbot, which monitors traffic on social media sites to detect people having mental health crises and try to convince them to access mental health support. Apparently their bot got good enough at detecting human behaviour patterns online that they actually spun it off into a separate company for a while and then sold their tech to a corporation, before returning to the mental health idea. They returned to it, critically, as a non-profit, which is why I'm willing to give it a second look at all.

tl;dr: I would not immediately warn everyone away from using it! Which is more than I could say for a lot of Silicon Valley mental health startups. I don't love the current implementation, but I think they might have the makings of a decent mutual aid platform for temporary moments of stress.

Long version below

Like, I was not a fan at all of Trill when Tumblr partnered with it, because I felt that they were using well-intentioned volunteers to do potentially harrowing and dangerous work without adequate training or support. (Or not-so-great volunteers, since I was dubious about their vetting process) And a lot of Kokobot's origin story is in some ways really similar to Trill.

Most of these startups and initiatives mean well. They want to make the world better and help provide comfort and support to people who need that. I admire them for their dedication to a good cause. However, I believe that when you are devoting significant resources to building a system where you ask people to choose you for support in their moments of vulnerability, you cannot put your intentions ahead of their needs.

Like: It is really great that people want to help the less-fortunate. I think it shows warmth of heart to want to go somewhere and build homes for the homeless. But if you've never built a house before, and the houses you build are so poorly constructed that they fall down or catch fire or whatever, and they wouldn't have if you'd put the equivalent amount of money into hiring local out-of-work carpenters to do the work properly, I don't think you should keep operating like that as a charity.

I'm also judging Koko a bit as the former teenager who wanted to help people, in terms of how much they provide guidance and support to the helpers they've recruited.

Finally, I feel the need to remind all of us, as useless as such reminders feel, that if you are not paying for a social media platform, you aren't a customer; you are the product. "Kokobot", the organization, the platform, the AI, are not the core producers of its value. Its users are. Without people in distress to whom to provide support, and without supportive people there in times of distress, it would not exist.

Maybe this will never be an issue. Maybe this conflict will never arise. Maybe the nonprofit organization will be devoted enough to the needs of its userbase that they will serve them faithfully and well. I hope so.

I'm just... jaded, by things I've seen before.

What I don't like at all:

It took me a lot of work to go from looking up Kokobot on Tumblr to understanding how the company worked, what using the app was like, and whether their work was being informed by anyone with a lick of knowledge about mental health care. I still don't know a lot of stuff about how they handle anonymity in situations like imminent suicide or homicide, or abuses of the platform.

Kokobot messaging people out of the blue is creepy as hell. My first response was, "Fuck off, I can TELL you're not ethical." Most ethical guidelines I know of for mental health therapists explicitly forbid directly soliciting clients ("Hey there, I can tell you've got a few issues. Here's my card"), especially when people appear psychologically vulnerable or in distress. The only wiggle room there is when you're working in disaster relief and crisis intervention, but that does not make it an "anything goes" situation.

@kokobot posting lots of testimonials from users about how great their service is. Again, something usually strictly forbidden by ethical standards! When someone has just come to you in distress and you've provided them help, and then ask them to give you a Yelp review, you're not usually going to get thoughtful, measured, and informed feedback. It's a weird power dynamic that might be great advertising, but not great informed consent.

While Koko might be a legit company that does its job well, its presence and behaviour opens up the field of what is acceptable behaviour on social media. If one app can track mental health tags and solicit vulnerable people into joining their group, why not another? What will stop Scientology (which has done this in person for decades) from creating a similar app, pitching it to people in need, and coaching its users to go off all their psychiatric medications and use pseudoscience instead? Where are the safeguards?

What's Not Terrible

Kokobot is clunky and weird, but like I said on my post on Trill, the hardest part of moderation on social media is the amount of labour it takes, and the human cost of that labour. It seems to me that by using AI, Koko might have found an efficient way to automate much of that labour.

I tried out the actual app itself, messaging on Telegram; for my "problem", I just said I was concerned that a friend was messaging Koko a lot and I wanted to make sure it was legit. Sending it out required answers to some pretty vital questions—did I feel hopeful or hopeless about the world? What kinds of best- or worst-case scenarios was I imagining? They were worded in a way that felt human and genuine, and the chatbot was responsive and encouraging before my problem ever got human eyes on it.

(For the record: These are questions that can very quickly give information on whether someone is likely to be a danger to themselves or anyone else, which are really important.)

Then, at the bot's suggestion, I also helped a couple other people, where I was given very rough and ready training on active listening, then coached into writing a response. It avoided a lot of on-ramps to community toxicity, inasmuch as the problems and replies were private and anonymous, and there were instant feedback options if anything was worrying or upsetting.

This process showed what I think was a more sophisticated and useful implementation of AI than, uh....... like 99% of the AI I've seen. This is mostly a statement on the state of AI, but still. Koko seems like the bot's responses were really carefully workshopped and designed by actual humans who knew about crisis intervention and risk assessment.

The replies I got to my "problem" were fairly good, empathetic and genuine. (The bot encourages people to be a little dorky, and seeing an auto-generated response I myself was suggested made me roll my eyes; this could reduce the value for some people.)

I can definitely see the benefit of encouraging people who are feeling distressed to help others. Engaging in peer support encourages empathy, and helps people feel like they've got something to offer, and that problems might be solvable.

In the end, Kokobot is an expansion of the kind of work volunteer-run distress and crisis hotlines do. It has the potential to do a lot of good, but the organization itself has to consider so many other factors and processes than its users do. I sincerely hope it and Tumblr are being extremely thoughtful and careful in how they handle this work.

I would be delighted to be proven wrong, and have them turn out to be totally amazing. I really hope they do.

[thescreamcorner]

i disagree with a lot of your views on mental health just given my own research and knowledge of mental illness and the dsm-5.

i think the inherent issue with it is the categorization. organizing things by how they present behaviorally feels very unscientific. we need to do a lot more research to lean into like a sort of biological taxonomy. one big example is that schizophrenia and bipolar disorders have a LOT of overlap in brain areas, and while they are not identical areas, treating bipolar as something closer to anxiety and depression seems like a poor way to treat it, especially if you're looking from biological and medical perspectives.

i'm not as familiar on ptsd and personality disorders, but there's a lot of overlap there, and considering my own experience "developing a cluster b personality disorder" from trauma (i say this in quotations because i do not actually like the diagnostic system and would rather remain undiagnosed), i wouldn't be surprised if there was neural overlap in like, activity, connectivity. There's probably other stuff too we haven't really looked into. I feel like there's so much more we can do to look into the neurology of mental illness than we're doing as is. Focusing on symptoms too much, and even neurology wise plasticity can be a problem. Did you know bullying can change the way your brain works?! (Reductive way of saying it, but there's a bit of research on bullying +plasticity, also i'm off track.)

i also feel as though the clinical/general applied psych community could do a lot more pulling from basic research. we only get the moolah if we work through their lens (i'm a cognitive neuroscientist), so like. i wish therapists and psychiatrists would look a little more into our readings sometimes...

i've been doing a lot more reading on dimensional models, and i kind of like what it's putting down. part of me worries that having neurological profiles of mental illnesses might end up sort of labelling neurotypical people in the same sort of essentialist way a lot of diagnostic labels do with mentally ill people (reason i would like to remain undiagnosed). But I think the idea of quote unquote "neurotypicals" with tendencies (something discussed both in literature and in clinical settings where mental illness is defined as symptoms + distress) and similar brain patterns to those with adhd, autism, ocd, depression, psychosis etc sort of forming community with those who have those disorders proper. i think we could learn a lot from one another! coping mechanisms, how to deal with big stressors, learning what sets us off in situations with better coordination and less yappy narcs than group therapy. perhaps it's idealist, but i'm a bit of a dreamer.

i hope you read this and consider my point of view, even if it did meander a bit XD

It took me awhile to be able to sit and take this in, and even still I'm having a hard time comprehending chunks of it so if my response ends up misinterpreting anything feel free to send another anon to clarify.

I do agree that we're still not at a perfect stage of "all of these things are 100% properly understood", and by no means do I feel psychiatry has managed to hit a perfect stride when it comes to diagnostics either. Things can and do still get misdiagnosed for various reasons, and there's definitely disorders that get seen as "similar" because of behavior that brain-structure wise may be worlds apart.

I also agree that in concept, having spaces that allow currently undiagnosed/traits of/self-suspected people, or those who just have a few similar symptoms that find themselves relating to, is certainly not a horrible idea. Having peer-to-peer support spaces shouldn't necessarily depend on whether or not a doctor has given you the "stamp of approval," and in some cases I've even seen well-vetted, non-specific spaces that foster this in a very positive manner.

But in the spaces dedicated for a specific disorder, the language used in them is.... not that. It isn't someone who suspects they have it asking for advice on how to see a doctor, or another saying "I relate to x symptom, what do the people here with y disorder find helpful for mitigating this?"

It's often rife with people who, whether due to comorbid disorders, malingering, or active faking, are spreading vast and wild misinformation that causes harm to both those already diagnosed (possible to adapt false behaviors and receive improper care if doctors assume misdiagnosis), and those actively seeking one (may exaggerate/lie about symptoms or use key words found online that lead a doctor to assume malingering, even during real cases).

There's so many takes that disregard the medical misinfo to fixate on validating "all" experiences, regardless of when those experiences indicate a different disorder. And if that gets called out, then you're fakeclaiming every single person there somehow. And if the space is actively pro-self dx, then they're often prone to telling people that no psychiatrist should be trusted (ESPECIALLY if they tell you your self dx is wrong) and that a diagnosis doesn't matter anyway because it's all some grand conspiracy to further oppress you.

And outside of that, even when someone has similarities, traits, or specific relatable symptoms, there's times where those of us experiencing a specific disorder want to feel a sense of community with those who have the same type of experience, and not just someone who understands "by proxy" or as an outsider.

I have plenty of people who don't have a dissociative disorder in my life who can relate to certain symptoms I have, or can understand in a sympathetic manner when I talk about my experiences and frustrations. But I don't know anyone else with DID, let alone that I know is being honest about it. I don't have a sense of community or belonging-- I feel isolated. And the internet hasn't made me feel more of a sense of community in having DID, but instead it's managed to make me feel more shut-out due to how wide-spread the horribly reductive rhetoric around it is.

I don't have this in regards to having autism or adhd. Hell, I'm even less strict about my views around posts and self-recognition of those because 1. they're often found due to social irregularities that a person experiencing them may be able to pick up on, and 2. people are much more receptive to when misinformation, infantilization and ableism in regards to them is called out.

This has turned into a bit of my own meandering but basically, a lot of my frustration at the moment is stemming from the internet's treatment of DID (and dissociation in general), and there's definitely things I've said about disorders in general that I think there are exceptions to, but it can be hard for me to sit down and think about/talk about those things while I'm wrapped up in my frustrations about this thing specifically.

[grey-and-green]

Ok, but...trauma responses

(Content notice that there is discussion of trauma and reactions, non-specific mentions of sources of religious trauma. Read with care) 

We can (and have, and will continue to) draw lots of parallels and comparisons to how Crowly and Aziraphale perceive Heaven and Hell and The System. I think it’s clear that both have been very frightened of upper management at various points, and both have felt the need to hide some of themselves from even their own side. The threats are real, the danger is real. Capital “T” trauma (you know, the kind that causes PTSD) is “an experience which is life-threatening or poses a significant threat to a person’s physical or psychological wellbeing”. Can’t really argue that that doesn’t very much apply to their entire millennia-long existence, their entire relationship, every single interaction they’ve had with each other, with their own side, with the other side, with Earth and humanity.  

I’m definitely not an expert at religious trauma, but some themes there include trauma directly caused by a member of the church (someone in the church hurts you, but it’s not related to the religion), trauma being seen to compromise your spirituality (something bad happens and you feel your inclusion in the church or your relationship to your god is in danger) and gaslighting/victim blaming by the church (it’s all part of god’s plan, you must somehow deserve your punishment, etc).  

Sound familiar? 

Crowley and Aziraphale are both traumatized.  

But they are coping in different directions.  

Flight: “I don’t want to deal with this” 

Fearful, avoidant. 

Run away, deflect, withdraw, hide. 

-vs- 

Fawn: “I just want everyone to be happy” 

Co-dependent, people-pleasing, rationalizing.  

No boundaries, lack of assertiveness, can’t speak up for self, easily controlled. 

Crowley falls into the Flight pattern. He’s stuck at “the system sucks and I want to pretend it doesn’t exist to the best of my ability” and when things get tough he literally wants to run away. He’s anxious and scared and puts up masks and barriers and walls as a way to hide and to try to make that anxiety and fear go away. Deflect, withdraw. Hide. AVOID. 

Which, like, yeah, I fully get that? But avoidance without processing trauma is not actually a sustainable coping mechanism? And yelling at house plants isn’t actually therapy? Crowley is quite a bit more aware of and ready to admit that Heaven and Hell are both awful, but knowing that someone hurt you and processing what that means for you as a person and figuring out who you are and what you want because of and despite that hurt...yeah our little cinnamon roll isn’t there yet. And running away from the traumatizer, in this situation, means running away from quite a lot of other things as well. You can’t keep Earth and just avert your eyes from The System. And you can’t run away from The System without sacrificing Earth. (and by ‘earth’ I mean humanity and the universe but also one specific being that also happens to, until very recently, live on earth) 

Aziraphale, on the other hand, is coping by Fawning. Because Heaven is the side of good, yes? Sure, there might be a few bad apples, yes, ok, but Heaven? Heaven is good. And surely GOD is good? Right? Like, ok, it’s not perfect, but I’m sure it’ll all come right in the end because deep down they (the abuser) love me and want what’s best for me and I just need to try harder and be better and then they won’t hurt/threaten me anymore.  

Which, when you think about it, is pretty damn tragic. There are a lot of reasons why Aziraphale finds it harder to opt out of the system, even after Apocolypsn’t, but I feel like this is a big part of it. The traumatizer has done such a good job in framing themselves as ‘the good guys’ and Aziraphale is coping by trying to appease them, to rationalize their actions, to find the hidden nugget of ‘good’ in God’s plan even when he can’t see it, because it must be there, right? Somewhere, deep down, it all has to be ineffably good, right? Because what happens if that turns out to not be true?  

So what does all this mean for them, and for their relationship? 

Even though both of them can see that system isn’t perfect (with different degrees of acceptance of this imperfection) both of them still define themselves in relation to Heaven and/or Hell. We (the audience, the fans, Tumblr) know that they have personalities and qualities that exist separate from Heaven and Hell. But they are, both, in their own ways, still quite enmeshed with the system. Aziraphale’s identity is tied to appeasing his abuser, and Crowley’s identity is tied to opposing his abuser.  

And as long as they view themselves through the lens of their individual relationships to the system, they will continue to view their relationship to each other through that lens as well. Which, honestly, doesn’t bode well and ends up pretty much exactly where we ended up in Episode 6.  

I can’t see either of them actually going to actual therapy (no one in history has needed therapy more, but alas it does not fit the world-building or the story, and we probably won’t actually get to see Crowley on a therapist’s couch crying about sauntering vaguely downward and ‘you go to fast’) but they will need to some kind of character development in season 3 to at least start to change this dynamic. Being apart from each other might help. Aziraphale finally realizing that he’s good because of who he is, not because of his job, would be lovely to see. Crowley and Nina getting drunk together and him processing some Emotions out loud and having some Epiphanies would be great. I don’t know what it’s going to look like in-world, but I think the unsustainability of these coping patterns will need to be acknowledged and Michael and David will act their flawless little hearts out and we’ll get to see some Healing.  

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.  

[souplups]

d20 new season theory

i have a growing theory that the coming season of dimension 20 is going to be somewhat inspired by knights of the round table AND maybe set in space?? and I HAVE EVIDENCE

if you lighten the reveal moment from the trailer you get a slightly better sense of what the set is going to look like and here's where things get interesting

this looks like eastern architecture, you have the spires/spikes and the really specific shapes of the domes and the color pallet being these rich purples and greens. but i think matt is the WRONG person to be doing something like arabian nights and we just did fairy tales in neverafter.

but you know what we HAVENT done. arthurian legends. and the two things that get me the most about htat are these. they are too intentional to not be important and there are so many similarities between both of these objects and the representations of the holy grail in art? i submit for consideration the following:

I ALSO submit for consideration the shirt that mercer is wearing, notably, the fact that it depicts a blade (I KNOW I KNOW it's exu but let me extrapolate)

in addition to that, i think that the spires COULD be gothic architecture which would have been the prominate architectural style of the mid-12th century when the legends of the round table first emerged.

here is where things get a little wild and i'm starting to take some liberties but we have a very similar background here as we do in a starstruck odyssey

we have also a few other elements that make me wonder if we have a space knight situation then umber one being the various orb like features on the dm screen

as well as the sound effects for the 'coming soon' sounding very space laser-y and the loading of the bar being reminiscent of some futuristic tech as seen in something like tron

this also would track with the pattern of d20 combining themes/genres for storytelling purposes AND it would give them a lot of creative liberties with the "aesthetic" which could explain the less traditional arthurian theming!

my other guess would be that it would be a true space fantasy which would compliment the instrumentation choices of the teaser as well as the drama of the whole ordeal!!

ANYWAY those are my thoughts as to what's coming and i look forwards to finding out more!!

[malamiteltd]

Holiday Pictures 2023! (part 2)

A continuation of my holiday pictures for friends on Twitter!

This one is for Luna! I’ve drawn her Yoshi character quite a long time ago, but this was my first time drawing her porcupine self. I’ve admired her artwork for a long while, so hopefully my style does the character justice.

For AtroxChobatsu, it’s the ever-toony Sarah N. Dippity! I had drawn her a few times before, but this time I put her in a situation that shows more toony expressiveness. Seems she’s attempted to slow her fall, but that umbrella she’s using doesn’t appear to have held up…

This one is for the also-very-toony Dingoroo! I remember him from way back in my DeviantArt days. His art style was and still is very cute! I tried to make Dingoroo in my own style here. Not sure what he’s planning to do with that large mallet…

For LE-the-Creator, it’s their character Veggie Sprigwort. A very neat character design for a plant person! I was worried it would be hard to draw her well, but it ended up coming together a lot smoother than I thought. Maybe I’m becoming an artist after all…

For RakkuGuy, it’s his little kobold character Coal! She’s becoming an aspiring hero in a webcomic series, “Monsters Can Be Heroes Too!” This look mostly pulls from the more recent artwork I’ve seen, including a tattered yet stylish cape.

For CosmicCartoons, it’s the Ceryvian known as Demi. Here he seems to be struggling with a strange puzzle originating from Earth. This alien species wouldn’t be too out of place in the “Last Soldier” universe, though I don’t know how often they and the Teijru would interact.

This one is for – and featuring – Chaz Serir. If you ever wondered what possessed me to make various alien characters over the last few years, this is who inspired that. Now you may be asking, “What is going on here?” And my response is “That is correct.”

Oh hey, these are my characters! The two Tokarus, Sketch Tucker and Heather Britannia, are holding onto each other as they travel to other universes. Perhaps the characters we saw are some of the folks they met along the way. Who knows?

This ended up being quite the undertaking. I'm not confident that I'll ever make this many images for a holiday again. Either way, I hope everyone likes them, and that everyone have a Happy Holidays!

EXTRA

Here is Stephano, another character made by NS-Games. I experimented with the design a bit in this image – the eye area has white fur, and I gave him the Big Pant with a nifty pattern along the outer legs. I wonder what he’s drawing on that tablet…

He makes some things under the name of “Deyem Productions.” I ended up sketching a logo design concept for the “Deyem” name. It’s not the first time I looked into it, but I thought this was an intriguing avenue to explore…