#but a shitpost that i thought about a little too much because it would make for a funny fic

[anticidic]

an AU where Dazai is a streamer in Yokohama, and decides to do a bunch of different segments

watch me prank my roommate! — but it's Chuuya and he does that stupid shaving cream in the hand prank, tickles Chuuya's nose while he's asleep and promptly gets punched (chat warned him not to do it)

tries to do a 24 hour stream but like 12 of those hours is him fast asleep on a couch and he's getting donation spammed with text-to-speech telling him to wake up

approaches different people on the street to ask them where they got their shoes and it causes a scene (local police politely tell him to walk away, and chat gets spammed with emotes)

goes to a café and takes all his viewers out on a date, but really he just likes how that particular café does latte art

makes stupid donation and follower goals, like for every 3,000 yen he gets, he'll tell Chuuya a bad pickup line, and at 300k followers he'll take his viewers joyriding on Chuuya's motorcycle (and then chat tells him he's speeding and making illegal turns)

just...Chuuya getting dragged into all this and going along with it because it's how Dazai pays the bills (those pickup lines get so cheesy Chuuya tries REALLY hard not to laugh)

absolutely pure chaos

[heavens-aesthetic-kitchen]

Why the TF2 Defense Trio deserve more recognition

The people have spoken, I have decided to create an essay disguised as a post on this godforsaken website because it's a free country goddammit! (I would have done it either way lmaooo, I have a lot of shit to say about these maniacs) To start this formal essay glorified very serious shitpost, why should you as a tf2 fan care about these 3 men? They're so "boring" and there's not much going on with them. If ya took a second, let's pause with what was being said. YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND to think such thoughts, we must shake you out of cuckoo land by giving you an in-depth look into these three so that you understand where I'm coming from. Let's start in order:

Demoman:

After being in the fandom since 2019, there's always one character I always thought wasn't given much anything in the fandom at all. Even taking ships out of the equation, there's barely any fics I've that focus on Tavish Finneagan Degroot specifically that I've seen that isn't a compilation fic (I read a lot of x readers, don't judge me). Believe me, I checked ao3. I went through Demoman's tags and I tried very hard to filter a lot of the crossover and relationship tags, yet there's less of Demoman himself, than there's him just existing as a side character of a story. Which is honestly sad, I honestly think Demo is one of the more kinder mercs compared to a lot of the team. This man made friends with the BLU soldier, despite knowing that they were supposed to be killing each other. Sure, it's unclear whether or not Demo did actually go through with it and it's just a ruse, because the voicelines in WAR! don't have a set timeline. But I do think that Demo would have tried to keep his friendship with BLU soldier. He's very chill. I've never actually seen him get violent against his friends and family, despite being a drunkard. I honestly think he's one of the sweetest people in TF2, he takes good care of his mom and haunted sword lmaoooo. Jokes aside, he seems like a genuinely good man and I barely see anything that suggests he's sadistic. He's a chaotic and loud, but not bad. Not bad at all. The fact he can still do his job well, even after drinking so much that his body created a whole distillery, is even more impressive. He is damn good at what he does and works very hard. He's had multiple jobs, even as wee little lad. Despite what people think of him, the fact he's getting paid 5 million dollars a year, is proof he knows what he's doing. He loves his job and couldn't bear the thought of not working. I feel like his backstory isn't talked about enough in the fandom either. When you think about it, it's kinda fucked up that he was put in an orphanage by his biological parents until he was in the right age to be blowing people up. Not only that, his eye socket was haunted by the Bombinomicon so that every halloween a giant eye would manifest, attacking him and his friends. Even Medic couldn't help him and instead resorting to scooping the part of Demo's brain where he remembered so he would stop asking. He most likely has a lot of stories for you, I see him as the type that has a lot to say. His past is the most fleshed out and complete out of all the mercs, which I really appreciate, you can do a lot more with him. Also another thing, during Unhappy Returns, he took the time to reassure Soldier that he wouldn't think he's a civilian. He didn't brush Soldier's worries aside and instead comforted him. I wish I had a lot more to say about Demo because I am baffled that he isn't being gushed about as a potential partner. He has the excitement and like zero baggage. A thing I also wanna point out is that he seems to be insecure of the fact he's a black scottish man with only one eye during Meet The Demoman. I may be reading into things a bit too much, but it makes me wanna be like "NOOOO don't talk about yourself like that, bro. You're so cute UGHHH" Also also he's handsome. Sure looks can be subjective, but I still think Demo has a face I would kiss hehe. He looks great with his beard and his cheeky ass smile. GOD I could gush about him all day, but I have to move on rip.

Heavy:

Honestly, I'm having a hard time just finding the words to describe this amazing man without giving him the respect he deserves. But I'll sure try. Heavy has had a difficult life and I've always admired how strong he was. Not just of his muscles, but he endured one of the toughest situations and still kept moving forward with his life even though it was traumatizing. You see why I'm even having a hard time talking about him? I can't really get down into the weeds, without getting serious for a min. I feel like the fandom doesn't give him much credit for being able to deal with so much. He's the rock for his family after his father disappeared (atp I think he's dead, which is the cherry on top this depressing sundae) and I wouldn't doubt that he would be the same for his team. He's a man of few words, but that makes him all the more intriguing. Just because this man has a lot of brawn does not mean he's dumb at all. Despite how he acts in the battlefield, Heavy is observant and clever. Although, it's implied that Spy being Scout's dad is an open secret between the mercs and Miss Pauling, the fact he figured it out without saying it directly must mean he has a lot more going on. He's also educated, getting a phD in Russian Literature. It's not a STEM program, but he actually got a doctorate and went to college, that's a lot more than half of what the mercs did lmaooo. Also he has a bit of a softie side, not just for his mom and sisters, but also other creatures as well. I respect him so much for avoiding violence against those dogs during the Showdown comic. Not only shows what an absolute sweetheart he is, but also how much he's able to think quickly on his feet. Heavy is very direct and blunt, I don't see him as the type to lie about his feelings. I appreciate that he doesn't feel the need to sugarcoat anything, he'll get the job done and he ain't playing. There's no fluff, he knows what he wants and that's to rev up Sasha and ram through sons of bitches without any worries.

I feel like I wanna point out, his story seems the most unexplored in the fandom, even though it has a lot of potential for ANGST factor. I already broke down how sad it is, but I just feel like it isn't said enough. Can I just say how cuddly he looks?! GAH, I feel like he would give the warmest hugs! The way he smiled in Unhappy Returns when he finds out his family doesn't need to live in fear anymore, just melts my heart! He's so protective over his family and friends! I wish I had a lot more to say about this guy because I just can't stop finding more things about him that go unappreciated. I had to literally edit this part so many times before moving on, he just has those little details you don't notice until you take a second and have that OH MY GOD moment

Engineer:

I was getting so hyped, when it was finally our resident southern nerd's time to shine. GOD I have so much to say about this man. It's been over 5 fucking years and I have never stopped simping for this man since 2019, I think I'm gonna go insane from how much I've been repressing, I go feral when he's around. Anyways enough stalling. I don't ever think a fictional character has ever made me swoon quite like Engineer, I really mean that. I have ask and pleaded to whatever god was listening to give me a man like Engie. To me, he is everything I ever wanted and more.

First, I wanna talk about what makes him attractive to me. His accent. His southern charm, UGH he's killing me with that smooth voice and chivalry! I swear this man could make me faint just from existing. The way he smiles is so warm, his insults are so corny I love them. That five o clock shadow GAHH! I'm getting butterflies all over again. I swear I love all three of the defense bois, but Dell Conagher has my heart wrapped around his gunslinger metal finger. All those personal reasons aside, I've always thought Dell Conagher was a very interesting character in the world of TF2. He might not have much screen time or goofy shenanigans like the other mercs, but that doesn't mean you can ignore him oh no no no. This man is important within the whole story of Mann Co and TF industries, his grandfather being the catalyst of the game's events and the comics going forward. The Conaghers are the SOLE REASON why Team Fortress 2's story exists. I find it strange that the fandom hasn't done much with this fact because you can do a lot with this idea. Engineer knows a lot of shit and would be the biggest threat to Helen, if not for the fact that his family has been helping her for years.

Like his backstory, he's not seen much in the battlefield, but he has a lot more going on behind the scenes. Imagine the possibilities. He is damn intelligent and he knows it. While Dell is very sweet and has a southern charm, this is a facade to hide his God complex and sadistic tendencies. If you think this man is just your boring gentle engineer, you've got a big storm coming. It's heavily implied that he sawed off his own arm so that he could use the gunslinger. This man works on projects with Medic and doesn't question the moral implications of putting a human brain in a pumpkin. Hell, he threatened his own employer, even if he was an old man (Granted, Blutarch dug up his grandpa's grave, so he probably should have gotten something a lot worse than just Dell telling him to fuck off). Engineer is more than the texan egghead sweetie pie, he is a mercenary for a reason and I would argue that he might be as insane, if not more than, the rest of the team. No sane man would willingly work with a bunch of war criminals if he wasn't also crazy. That's the thing I really like about him. I love playing as him in the game because it represents his character very well. He technically serves a supportive role to the team with his buildings, but he is a killer with a lot of tools in his disposal, With the right amount of training, he can absolutely dominate in the battlefield.

I feel like he's one of the people that underestimate and assume that he's an easy target, but he's a lot more than that. He has a lot of layers that makes me want to learn more about him and what he has to offer.

In Conclusion:

These guys are cool. Lmaooo okay I won't just end it there. I genuinely believe that they're not getting the recognition that they deserve, they've got a lot more going for them if you pay attention. Sure they might not always be the loudest or most prominant character in the story, but what they lack in quantity, they make up for in quality TEN FOLD. They don't have to be your favourite, but you should at least give them a chance. You never know, they may surprise you.

Okay so thats enough of that, I couldn't find a divider above this message, so you're getting this grainy ass gif. Honestly, I put way too much effort on this shitpost lmaooo, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out in a more concise manner. If you want to add more stuff about these three that I didn't mention, feel free to do so. Anyways thanks for reading

[calxia]

I would like to hear more about sick ghouls going to the vet?

Who's the calmest and actually somewhat likes the vet? Who puts up the most fight at the vet (assuming it's probably Dew and they have to muzzle him hehe)

I love how I made what was essentially an unhinged shitpost at stupid o'clock in the morning and people want to hear more about my thoughts on it. So, here's my professional opinion on which ghouls would be the nicest patients in order (as someone who actually works in a vet hospital).

Cirrus and Cumulus are easily the best patients. They are happy to sit for the exam, purring happily the whole time. They don't care when the vet has to look in their mouth or in their ears and don't even flinch at any injections. If anything, they are too content because the nonstop purring sure as hell makes it hard to get an accurate heart rate or resp rate.

Rain is also on the calmer side. He's calm in the 'I know there's no way to get out of this' way so there's no purring but also no attempts on the vet's life. He'll grumble through the whole examination, but he puts up with it and the injections just fine. As soon as he's free to leave, he's 100% out of there without looking back.

Phantom is the nervous type. He needs lots of kind reassurance and patience during his exam and the vet has to take it super slow to not stress him out too much. He definitely is the sort that's a huge drama queen for any injections or blood tests needed. All you have to do is place your hand on him and he's already squealing before the needle even happens. Phantom's also the reason why they had to get rid of the drop ceiling as he once got stuck above it while trying to escape.

Sunny and Aurora are so excitable it takes forever to get anything done. Just constant tail wags and curious questions about what's going to happen. It’s definitely a multiple-person job to do any sort of exam on them because they just can't contain their joy and must constantly move. They ask for pets from literally everyone they see and you can give them an injection without them even realizing it because they are just too excited to greet everyone.

Swiss definitely has a 'care- will bite' note on his file. He seems happy enough to be there but he has bitten a vet before and will happily do it again. He doesn't particularly enjoy being poked and prodded about and will only tolerate it up until a certain point. Once he starts getting a little growly, he gets a muzzle so they can safely continue to treat him. He actually doesn't mind the injections, it's just more the prodding he hates.

Mountain is muzzled but that's just more for his sheer size and strength. He's as sweet as anything but if he did ever snap, he would cause serious damage so it's just a safety precaution for everyone involved. He understands this and is always as nice and polite for the whole thing as possible. They always send him away with a treat for being so good despite the muzzle.

Dew is the absolute worst patient possible. To even get him to the vet he has to be sedated before the appointment. If he's not had his pre-appointment dose, he will savage someone. Dew has an 'EXTREME CARE- WILL LUNGE' on file and has launched himself across the room just to bite the vet before. They have to fully sedate him to even be able to examine him and even then, he keeps growling through the muzzle the whole time. Once he had to go for an emergency appointment without his pre-appointment medication and it took 5 people just to be able to hold him down for the sedation injection. Everyone dreads him ever needing to see the emergency vet again.

[screamingcrows]

Note: This was supposed to be a 50 word shitpost, I hate myself. Born from a mixture of being exposed to too much Dr. Ratio art tonight and being a massive coward. Not proofread because this is my 20th hour awake.

Warnings/tags: suggestive, student/teacher, miscommunication, comfort, age gap (reader is university student and Ratio is probably 35 is my bet?)

Minors, ageless, blank blogs will be blocked DNI

Thinking about attending one of Dr. Ratio's classes, and you're a little confused but you've got the spirit. Ultimately, due to a bunch of external turmoil in your life, you end up getting a poor result on a test, prompting him to call you over after class.

With shaky hands, you head up to the podium as your classmates file out, taking the white noise with them and leaving you alone to face his disappointment. It didn't help how badly you'd like to perform well, impress him, hear him praise you.

With your hands rubbing your eyes, an apology had already begun taking shape on you tongue, it never made it past your lips.

"It's come to my attention that you've been struggling with the latest addition to our curriculum, and seeing as you-"

"I really tried, okay? It just- I haven't had enough time and everything went to shit and and-" you can barely get the words out, heart lurching at how much it hurt, wanting nothing more than plead with him to let you stay.

Tears stung in the corners of your eyes, vision blurry already. Probably for the better so you wouldn't risk looking up and seeing his disappointment. You kept your gaze down even as he cleared his throat barely able to focus on the sound. He continued in a strangely gentle tone, it felt almost out of place.

"As I was saying; seeing as you generally perform above average, it stood to reason that something had impeded your studies. If it could interest you, you are welcome to come by my office to brush up."

And that's how you found yourself anxiously pacing back and forth in the hallway a couple of days later. Your attire left little to the imagination, wanting to make sure he didn't regret giving you a chance. After all, his words had been oozing with subtext, right?

His reaction left something to be desired, merely coughing into his hand before turning his head away, beckoning you inside. It was a tense affair, sitting across from him and trying to keep still as he began lecturing. At some point he slid a sheet of questions across the desk for you, observing as you tried to solve them and gently nudging you to the correct methods.

"Doctor? I thought we were, you know, that you'd raise my grade if I uhm..." your voice faltered, seeing him pointedly look away only made your confusion more apparent.

"There was never a promise of raising your grade, this was meant as an offer if you were interested. And as for what you were trying to accomplish with that," he gestured towards you, voice sounding a little strained, "it goes against not only the regulations at this insitution, but most certainly also my own moral compass."

A beat of silence turned into two as shame spread in your body. Of course he hadn't meant it like that. And how did you come up with the idea that he'd offered to raise your grade? This was awful. Maybe dropping his class would be for the better.

"With that being said, I am willing to overlook this little incident if you truly wish to understand. Leaving now won't reflect poorly on your final grades."

It took a couple of minutes of contemplation, but you decided to stay, gratefully accepting the cardigan he slid off his shoulders and handed you, pulling it around your body. He'd looked pleased when you accepted the proposition, a pleasant smile passing over his face before he went back to making sure you not only knew, but understood every part of the theories.

You'd been so relieved when you'd finished, a spring to your step as you waved and left, confirming you'd like to continue next week if he had time. He'd been so pleased by your smile that he couldn't bring himself to ask for his garment back, you'd realise in time and bring it back.

As soon as the door was closed, he was able to stand up from his desk, smile vanishing as his hands gripped the wood tightly, barely able to stifle a groan. He did feel bad for the hardness pressing against his pants, but not enough that the thought of relieving himself didn't cross his mind. It would be a long semester.

[murder-cookie-dust393]

Seal anon here!

Just thought of a very funny y/n for the cookie world...a y/n who is oblivious to all the cookies trying go flirt and stuff with them! Also easily distracted like one second they simply think a cookie is being really nice to them and then the next they get distracted by a butterfly. Basically in the 'I want y/n' wars, they gotta keep y/n's attention on them and basically be something like 'and that is why I should be the one to date y/n-y/n, sweetheart, no. Don't wander off. Here, have a sweet treat and stay riiiight there. Ok? Ok. Anyway what makes you think you're worthy of y/n?' Or two cookies could be fighting over y/n while THINKING y/n is still close by but then they pause and realize 'wait where did y/n go?' And have to go chase em down lol!

Like have to keep y/n distracted and close to them or else they will wander off and do their own thing lmao! A very oblivious y/n!

What better duo with this than Milk and Yam?

Tw: SHITPOSTING, brief mentions of manipulation

Milk is sweet and worries a lot. He tends to panic when MC wanders off without him nearby. That's why he tends to hug them or hold their hand so they don't leave without him noticing. Once he finds them he's cooing and basically babying them a little too much.

Meanwhile, Yam is the equivalent of a Chihuahua. He's screaming and yelling, which is his way of calling for MC. Once he finds them, he just puts them over his shoulder so they can't get away. He does enjoy the feeling of them being helpless without him.

If the two are in the same space, it's literally an old married couple + MC.

Milk will try to lure MC in with his nurturing nature while also trying to passive-aggressively shove Purple Yam out of the way. If they're out adventuring he likes to just randomly put his shield up and be like, "You can't forget your shield MC! You might get hurt without me right by you!"

Yam gets so pissed at Milk because he knows Milk is trying to push him out of the way. The only way Yam tries to get MC's attention is through his language. I can see him swearing and being mad about things constantly; that MC finds it funny. In battle, he'll just swing around his mace to protect the group. But especially MC. "HRAGH! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY MILK I WANNA TALK TO THEM!"

I can see Milk and Yam arguing in whisper-yelling (we'll ignore that Yam can't be quiet right now) while MC is asleep. Like when they're camping for the night and MC is sleeping in between the two.

"You need to stop being so mean and aggressive with them! They do nothing wrong! I can't believe you would do such a thing to a poor little thing like them..." Milk pets your hair, pulling you closer to him.

"Look who's talking! You're the one manipulating them with your fucking 'Prince Charming' act! If anything, I'm just like any other cookie who has anger issues!"

"Me? I would never! I just want my precious one safe...and sound." Milk stares at your face with too much of a loving look. His smile practically glued onto his face.

"Yeah right! I'm the one beating up bad guys here!" Yam reaches an arm to tug you closer but hesitates.

"Go to sleep!"

"No! You go to sleep!"

"Guys I think I might be controlled by a human entity that has a really large finger." Suddenly, you whisper, absolutely clueless to the conversation.

"What? Say again?"

"HUh?"

"Finger..." You fall back asleep.

——————————————————

I was in the mood for some shitposting. No, I will never be sorry for it.

I was thinking Gumball and Darwin at the very end lol

- Celina

[arent-i-the-fairest]

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬

you and him are bored and decide to start passing notes in class— when you’re caught and asked to read them in front of the class, you eat the note to avoid having to do it.

characters : ace trappola, cater diamond, floyd leech

author’s note : who doesn’t love making a good shitpost once in a while?

you were so sure you would’ve been able to get away with passing the note.

trein had his back completely turned, scribbling away at the chalkboard, busy talking about some historical figure. it was the perfect opportunity, and you would’ve gotten away with it… if lucius wasn’t such a little snitch.

“prefect,” he called, and you fell back into your seat, trembling. fuck, this is it. you’ve been caught. “i trust that lucius wouldn’t lie to me. are you passing notes in my class?” he asked, arms crossed.

there were a couple of mocking “ooooh’s” across the classroom, and you rolled your eyes. what is this? primary school?

“yes sir, yes it is.” you admitted, glaring right into lucius’ beady little eyes. the cat was completely unfazed by and just sat there, grooming himself.

“i see. well, why don’t you come to the front of the class and read it aloud for all of us?” he asked. you froze. “i’m sure if it was something you couldn’t wait to tell your friend after class, it must be very interesting.”

you stuttered, gripping the note in your hand. you looked over at your boyfriend as if asking for help, but he shrugged his shoulders uselessly. internally crying, you carry our the best plan your brain can think of right now. “i’m sorry, mr. trein, but i can’t.”

he raised an eyebrow at your response. “and why is that?”

“because,” you stuff the paper in your mouth, chewing it, and swallowing it. “there’s no more note for me to read.” you say triumphantly. checkmate, grandpa.

you and trein stare at each other for about a minute.

“…. prefect, please step out into the hall.” damn it.

ace trappola

he’s laughing throughout the whole thing, you just know he’s never gonna let this shit go. he’s gonna bring it up like at least five times per day. starts full on cackling when you get kicked out of the classroom and ends up getting kicked out too for being too much of a disruption.

he sits down next to you in the hall, starting to snicker again when he sees your ashamed face.

“was eating the note really the only solution that brain of yours could come up with?” he snickered. “you couldn’t have just ripped it up instead?”

“look, i was panicking! people do dumb things when they panic— besides, would you rather of let me read what you said about riddle to the class instead?” you ask with a smirk, watching his face pale at the thought of his shit-talk about riddle spread around the school.

he didn’t need anymore trouble with his dorm leader, he’s tired of having to do extra chores around heartslabyul. “yeah, no. you got me there.”

cater diamond

#y/nwhywouldyoudothat 💔💔 but no really, why would you? it’s bewildering, really! there wasn’t even anything gossipy or such that would get you two in trouble— it was an innocent convo, you guys were just writing to each other about your plans for the weekend! he’s gotta admit it was pretty funny though, and he’s totally gonna tease you a bit for it.

with class finally over, cater ran up to you with a smirk. upon seeing him, you sighed, knowing you were about to be clowned on.

“y’know, i think what you did is pretty magicam worthy,” he hums, pulling out his phone. “i might make a post about it!”

“you better not!” you swipe for his phone and he skillfully dodges.

“but it might hit trending!”

floyd leech

with this, you’ve officially landed yourself as #1 in floyd’s ‘most interesting people’ list, and i’m not too sure whether you should be happy or horrified about it. he’s grinning as he watches you dejectedly walk out of the classroom when a lightbulb goes off in his head— he pulls out a post-it and a pen and scribbles away.

after your 10 minute scolding from trein about why you shouldn’t pass notes in class and why you shouldn’t eat them, you rush towards your seat, trying to ignore all the eyes on you.

but when you pass by floyd, he pushes a crumpled up post-it note in your hand. you quickly force it into your pocket before trein could notice and send your ass back into the hall.

when you’re back in your seat, you dig it out and quietly unfold it under the table. after reading it, you click your tongue.

‘will you eat this note too, shrimpy?’ with a poorly drawn smiley face under it.

[tragedytells-tales]

Brooo I love your writing so much!! It’s literally so great😭 can you write the brothers (or just Lucifer and Satan if that’s too much) with a teen!mc (platonic obv) that is VERY gen z. Like if they’re able to have their phone while in Devildom then they would constantly be talking about stupid internet drama while using strange terms. They know the stuff they say is weird but that just encourages them to be even more unhinged and chaotic. I just thought it’d be funny :) thanks if you decide to do this!!

"I hear you loud and clear! My apologies for this taking so long, I was only able to come up with something for Lucifer and Satan."

--------------------------------------

Lessons in cringe culture

Notes - Teen!MC, Headcanons, Shitpost, comedy just pure comedy

Characters - Feat. Lucifer and Satan

Summary - MC has a few ideas on how to make these ten million years old demons more modern. Are they good ideas? Who knows and who cares

Warnings - Not proof read

TW - None

Lucifer:

[ New word to vocabulary - Gyatt ]

- So MC teaches him gyatt. And not actually on purpose, but not on accident either. They had the thought of saying it out loud around him just to see if it would be a good enough substitute for "god" that they could say it without almost smiting the Avatar.

- They had the thought about a week ago and completely forgot about, but they couldn't just sit there silently when they got jumpscared by the newest update to celestialdrop Valley

"You can now drink mayonnaise."

- Either way he is scared of teenagers of MCs variety because he was sitting in pure silence, minding his whole business while MC did something on their phone, until suddenly they screamed from the top of their lungs

"GYATT DAMN?! LEVI YOU WON'T BEEEEELIVE THIS!"

- Not only did they startle him out of his old ten million years aged bones, and dared to swear in his presence, but then before running to show Levi whatever it was that sparked this outburst MC turned to him and asked

"Are you all good?"

"...Yes? Why would I not be?"

- They give him the most evil of smiles before leaving. The smile was so evil that it sent shivers down his spine, for a human it was a devilish little smile that he knew meant nothing but trouble.

- The things he'd give for a single one of his technically adopted family to be normal ( <-- He literally handpicked everyone in the house, and he's no better but he's also the oldest so )

- He asks MC about it later and gets a proper explanation, only thing is that now he can't ground them for the improper use of language because the use of "gyatt" was surprisingly clever and smart

- Damnit MC, stop getting the braincell!

- He genuinely starts using it in secret whenever he wants to say "goddamn", he dare not utter it around his brothers lest they start bullying him

- Jokes on him, he gets drunk and slips up in the group chat!

Satan:

[ New phrase to vocabulary - It's my turn with the braincell! ]

- Speaking of. One would think that because he reads so many things and has so much knowledge and is technically the youngest of his brothers that he would know at least a bit of funky phrases

- He does. He knows Devildom phrases specifically. But he's also stupidly smart, smart stupid if you will, so he takes things MC sometimes says a tad to literal

- So imagine his surprise when they say "Hey, it's my turn with the braincell. I need it for algebra, hand it over!!!" While studying with their friends

- If you imagined very, very surprised then you are correct

- Aka: he's worried about the amount of concussions MC must've had for them to lost so many brain cells that they need to borrow and take turns with them from others

- He would've also questioned where and how they’re getting the brain cells they’re borrowing if he weren't so concerned in the first place

- He genuinely asks them what kind of brain cells are they missing to see how he can help

- They tell him "My brother in christ, I'm simply jesting about" and now he thinks MC is a sickly Victorian child with a lack of brain cells who got cursed

- Congratulations MC, you've tricked the smartest person in the house, but at what cost?

- The cost of him texting the group chat that MC has lost brain cells and needs to borrow some, that's what. All because they're too busy laughing to properly explain, and now Levi and Belphi are clowning on everyone else because they ALL fell for it too

- The price of living with beings who are over ten million years old is a steep one

- He steals the phrase and instantly starts telling his brothers to borrow brain cells btw, he's adapting

- He's been stealing phrases from MC for a while now, but this one is his favorite

- ( They taught him "fuck this thing, fuck that thing, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool-" last week, they’re not allowed to be friends anymore )

AN - The idea of teaching Lucifer "gyatt" made my lungs hurt, but then the thought of Asmo learning "down bad", Beel learning "bussin", and Mammon learning "L + Ratio + you fell off + fatherless" also made me lose it. I just wasn't sure how to go about that. ( Also thanks for the compliment!!! I hold it ever so gently,,, )

[brb-on-a-quest]

I had a thought last night, and even though the only canon bat source I've had is WFA, and I've only *just* started getting into fanfic, so characterizations may not be accurate/have been done before, but IDK. I need this to exist out there.

Timothy Drake-Wayne writes fics sometimes.

It started off with the necessity of creating so many fake IDs. One thing led to another and Tim was coming up with backstories for all the Johns, Marys, and Joes that he invented while doing his Gotham digital surveillance. After all, he was trying to make these people's fake IDs look as real as possible, which meant more than just a name on a couple of sheets of paper.

It means creating a fake digital footprint. For each one.

So, on the rare occasions when things are calmer, and he's not immediately needed, he sits on his computer and types out head cannons for each of the OCs he has created. He spends a lot of time doing research on different cultures, neurodivergencies, physical abilities, and backgrounds to try and 1) paint accurate pictures and 2) learn. He hides the world building tidbits in a secret folder that he's taken so many measures to hide from Oracle (she already knows, but she doesn't actively look after finally figuring out what the folder of names, complete with physical descriptions, life stories, and preferences is out of respect for Timothy). (Also, all this writing knowledge actually comes in handy for crime-solving things, but he doesn't fully realize it at the time).

Tim even went as far as to make social media accounts for some of his favorites and posts bits and pieces of the head cannons to make them, again, seem like real people. Just in case. As a precaution. You never know.

Jason finds out somehow, in a freak accident and collision of siblings that so often happens. Tim is sweating bullets, trying to steel himself for the endless teasing. He is fully prepared to delete every single file that's in that folder and deny that it ever exists for all eternity.

Except Jason doesn't. Jason's too much of a literary nerd (granted, he prefers more classic literature than social media fics, but this is another thing he can connect with his little brother on- he's *excited*) to tease Tim about the writing. He kind of persuades Tim to take more time for his hobby because Tim has some markings of talent in his very specific creative niche. Tim may have also convinced Jason to try it exactly once, to create a fake Twitter profile for Mr. Darcy and create shitposts from his point of view. He has a great time with it once, and then he moves on (but sometimes he creates other accounts for other characters that Tim doesn't know about).

They make a pact between the two of them not to tell the others; they'd ask too many questions and make it less fun.

But every once in a while, Tim would walk into Jason's place to crash for a bit, steal all of his Red Bull, update Jason on his writing projects, and get writing advice.

[sorcerous-caress]

Worldbuilding and human kink? Is it my birthday /lh. This has me googling “halfling sex” and being a little surprise someone has thought about it enough to write a generously large paragraph.

Apparently it’s not uncommon for them to have more casual sex with close neighbors and friends indulging in it together. I genuinely think it would be hilarious for a halfling with a human, elf, drow, orc, dwarf, etc (the more uptight races) friend/neighbor to ‘seduce’ and then being very friendly and kind, but not exclusive or even inherently romantic.

Halflings 🤝 Humans

Being horny on main.

Oh my god imagine a poly relationship that's a human who thinks this is a casual friends with benfits deal, a halfing who thinks everyone here is just friends, and one high elf who acts as if they're robbing a bank whenever they watch the human go down on the halfing.

Add a dragonborn who is sweating over which one of those people is gonna end up as their mate for life, who isn't phased by the sex but it's the romance part that's considered a big taboo in their culture to even date someone for love, so imagine seeing more tha one person?

High elves being sex repressed 🤝 Dragonborns being romance repressed

Also I really love world building AAAAA i wanna invent shit and make shit up and shake it around like a snow globe. I believe elves went to the moon much sooner than humans with just magic, dwarves have found fallen space rocks and meteors and used them to forge their weapons, winged elves or any species who can fly already mapped the world and drew all the know maps before humans even learned how to tame horses.

Also the horses is funny, elves has seen them all their lives but never bothered to tame it because it feels weird yk? Why would they ride on an animal, plus their cousin is a centaur so it feels even more weird.

Then they see the humans coaxing the horses with carrots while holding a saddle behind their back, skip a few years and suddenly the horse population skyrockects as humans steal this one animal to their side.

Imagine being a wood elf and in harmony with all of nature, then glancing over at the human city and feeling very confused on what these weird wolves are and why do the humans call them dogs, also why are they obeying the humans and holy shit that one is wearing bowtie.

Occasionally humans just wander into the forest, spot an animal that seems semi useful then kidnap it back to their city, suddenly their population spikes and they're the new best friends of humanity.

It happened the other way with cats tho, the wood elves remember overhearing two cats talking about the hairless apes wandering around and how one was betting the other that they can get them to share their food by just screaming at them.

Humans probably inspired their cuisine based on halflings' recipes since they didn't add soul consuming spices for fun like elves and didn't sprinkle in literal gem and gold dust like dragonborns.

A human with a Halfling neighbour who comes over every other day to share their stew because "they accidentally made too much and can't possibly finish it all themselves so how about you grab a bowl or two, human?"

One day the human makes a joke about how they're a simp or going to horny jail, whatever modern shitposting meme is trending, and the halfling takes it seriously and offers to sleep with them.

I mean, that is basic neighbourly hospitality to them. Of course they will fuck their friend who is in need, you don't even have to ask twice, come here and lay down and they'll take care of you until satisfied.

Now their trips over to your house are twice as frequent, half to feed you their cooking, other half to sate your lust appetite.

[saintjosie]

I agree the joke was tasteless, no intention of defending it, but assuming bad-faith is a very good way to make using the internet a miserable experience. I'm not saying you have to take the time to educate people who are wrong and saying horrendously stupid or out of touch shit. I'm just saying life got easier for me when I approached situations like that with the perspective of "what's the least hostile reason they could be saying this" bc 9/10 times unless someone is spewing actual hate speech or making threats their either just uniformed or phrased things poorly leading to misunderstanding.

Anyway I hope people stop bothering you about this.

im getting a lot of these in my inbox and this one is one of the nicer ones so im just gonna respond about demilypyro this once

look i get it. i really do. ive been doing tiktok for years and that first year was absolutely miserable because i didnt know how to do that. now, 95% of the time, i just block and move on cause it genuinely isnt worth my time to care about it.

and what ive found is that directly addressing hate speech pretty much goes nowhere and is just bound to end up in frustration for me and fuel for the fire elsewhere.

but i promise that im not just reading with bad-faith intentions. this isn't the first time that something that demilypyro has said that has rubbed me the wrong way. and tbh, i had no idea who she was until i got on tumblr and i saw a lot of people circulating the occasionally very funny things she has to say. i do my best to give people the benefit of the doubt (especially on text based social media) but after following her for a second and seeing a lot of "shitposts" that were questionable at best and several that were just downright distasteful, i decided that i didnt care for her and unfollowed and moved on and since shes fairly popular on here, i also started unfollowing people who would rb her too.

recently i had to unfollow someone who said something incredibly icky involving minority consent and so i went through and followed some people who had followed me and who i thought posted funny things bc thats mostly what im here for. and one of those people just so happened to rb something she said that just triggered me so hard with the sheer stupidity and harmfulness of it.

i have a very very sore spot for religious trauma (something ive always been super open about) and i have little to no tolerance for when people say dumb privileged things AND i have little to no tolerance for specifically when white (or in this case white passing) trans femmes specifically say privileged things. and this just hit all of those spots. it was quite cathartic for me to say what i said and i have no doubt that there's gonna be a lotta people who disagree and unfollow. there's some people who will get it, a lot of people who won't, and maybe even some people who might change their minds and this is important enough to me that it's worth it.

[bomberqueen17]

what is up froods

lol i keep forgetting to like. actually write updates in my personal journal. i'm using this tumblr too much like a tumblr.

i went down a rabbit hole the other night in that i just opened my own archives and went back to 2013 and then realized i started this in 2011. i didn't say a lot, back then i definitely was still using my LJ for Big Personal Updates and Tumblr was exclusively for snappy shitposts, and then I abandoned the LJ and only blogged in snappy shitposts for a while, and I did some vagueblogging that I genuinely have no idea what it was about, and that's fun.

But there's some. Boy there's some real fossils in there. God everything stays the same but everything happens so much.

I know I've backed up this blog but IDK how much you can make it make sense, offline. Anyway. That's how it goes. I'm not in any kind of existential panic about the site I'm just reacting to the zeigeist here, it made me think of old times.

I go back to the farm in a couple of weeks-- just for a couple of weeks, but the Season is Starting. My physical therapist keeps giving me more exercises. She's right, my core strength is wretched, but when I said I'd tried to do crunches now and then, tried to stay a tiny bit fit but-- she was like omg no you can't do crunches, with that hip cartilage as it is, so I felt a little better. So she's teaching me what I *can* do, and the important thing is that she's like you cannot do this more than every other day or three times a week, you cannot rush this kind of thing, and it's wonderful advice contrary to all the other advice I've ever had in my life which was like every moment you're not doing more work you're being a lazy shit. So, that's nice. I'll cut because nothing else here is going to be interesting.

I'm not the youngest person at physical therapy but there's a lot of old people there. I haven't been masking, I've been being lazy and just using xylitol nose spray before I go, and it's been fine, but I know that's just luck. (I see no one but Dude, who sees almost no one but me, so the consequences of fucking up would be minor.) with a trip to the farm coming up, I'm going to go back to masking, at least in the lead-up to the trip-- because last time I had COVID I had almost no symptoms, and nowadays apparently the rapid tests aren't super useful. The way I'm coping is, I know, a logical fallacy-- since COVID wasn't bad the one time I had it, I'm just telling myself I'm resistant naturally and it won't hurt me, and I know this is not the truth at all but it helps me cope-- but I cannot stand the thought of spreading it to someone who would be more hurt by it, so I have convinced myself not to fear catching it but to fear spreading it. I figure it's effectively the same and lets me not just be fucking terrified all the time.

I also discovered that a former employee of the farm who's out here going to college is interested in carpooling, and we've already got a tentative date for him to ride back with me on my way back from the farm at the end of March, and this has lightened my spirits a great deal. It's such a long drive and it feels like such a waste of gas, and he does have a car but it's not actually that safe to drive on the Thruway. (He swears up and down it's perfectly safe but just not at sustained speeds over 60. I was like omg kid do NOT, I will drive, my car is brand fkn new. He's taking the train home and will ride back with me.)

Let's see. Oh I don't think I've kept up with posting about the kitchen painting. It's down to the last tiny fiddly details, and what I've got to do is do a half-stencil in the corner above the door, and I did one half yesterday and will finish the rest today. I had to custom cut out a copy of part of the stencil to make it work, and it's sort of janky and I am going to have to hand-paint it with a lot of masking tape, but it's such a small area that like, why not, I can be that fussy. It's fine.

Once I finish that, which if I do part in the morning and part in the afternoon I can do today, then I can FINALLY CLEAN UP AND PUT AWAY all the painting detritus. I can't tell you how excited I am to do that.

I've also been doing fabric dyeing, finally. I collected several of the muslin garments I'd finished and meant to do something with, and got out my dyes. I did a batch of ice dye solely because I forgot which ones I'd intended to use for that; now I have a pair of slightly ill-fitting homemade leggings that look like a clown threw up on them, and a cheerful sweatshirt to match. i then used the runoff to dye the cream-colored canvas work smock-- I sort of tie-dyed it because I pasted up a little bit of two of the component colors and poured that on a couple areas that I then rubberbanded, because I wanted tie-dye but did not want any white areas left. So it's a blue/purple/red smock now, and the rainbow stitching I constructed it with was polyester so it's still rainbow, huzzah. Subtle and understated and also I can smear it with filth and maybe it will still look intentional.

[image description: a canvas work smock with big pockets, hanging to dry, mostly a mucky dark purple but with some brighter splotches of red and dark blue, and some bits of paler purple.]

[image description: assorted garments draped over drying racks in a sunporch, in blotchy shades of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, all kind of run together but not murky.]

And then I did another batch of ice dye, this time with the dyes I had bought that are supposed to work well for this because they split. That dress is still in the wash so I don't have pictures of how it turned out, but mostly it just looks splotchy green. LOL oh well. The point was, I made all these test garments in undyed fabric, but I don't have a lifestyle where I can wear a white dress, so now I have some non-white dresses I don't have to be precious about. Some of them I should now probably hem and like actually finish..........

I have one dress and one shirt left, and a pair of light-wash jeans I don't like wearing, and I'm thinking about trying like. Ombre or something. We'll see if I get around to that.

My sewing area is still a fuckin disaster and I don't want to think about it. But I'm cutting out a vest from scrap denim, I want a quilted abrasion-resistant washable work vest for farm work next week and I gotta get a move on. All I need now is to cut out the batting and get to it. So hopefully today.

I took photos, I might try writing up how-tos on the dyeing and on the repurposed denim stuff, but I also might not. If I was doing this again I would probably not bother with the ice, for the rainbow one. We'll see once the properly ice dyed dress comes out of this wash, I can hear the washer spinning but I'm trapped under Chita at the moment.

I missed this week's fic update because I'm progressing so slowly on both current active WIPs. I have a bunch written ahead in both, but each one has the back half of the current chapter just held up waiting for me to write them; I've overcome the structural decisions that delayed me, but I have to just sit and write them. And both of them are complicated scenes I've been waiting to write a long time, so I'm looking forward to writing them, and so like, paradoxically, can't make myself do it. Because once I've done it I'll have done it, see... anyway. Silly but there it is. I'll get through it once I decide I deserve that treat. I know! I know.

[scoobydoodean]

links to all the crit dramas? plz? pretty pretty plz? with plzes on top?

Bestie that is a BIG ask and I did not keep up with all the links for all of these (nor would it be feasible to link all of the wank that happened in some cases, and I think in other cases, it would be poor form). But here’s a rundown in (to the best of my memory) chronological order.

Poor wet cat failed pacifists Cas

I think this one may have more context than I know—it's a fairly common motif anyway and has been for years. But the disk horse was reignited at some point because Courtney Queermania said that Dean is, in fact, willing to be inconvenienced by Cas. This did not sit well with anti-dean destiels, who went on the post to tell Courtney they are wrong about everything because *looks at notes* Cas was dedicated to pacifism and Dean forced him to be an evil killer or some other made up nonsense. Dean also forced Cas to fall from heaven and poor bumbling billion year old baby Cas can't even take a shit without Dean's say so, so everything is always Dean's fault and he can't even be grateful and is mean and evil and probably abusive too etc etc. Funny stuff from people who ship Dean and Cas. Btw. Elements of this camp had been sending Courtney hate mail for months before this for daring to post a poll featuring canonical events that occur in the actual show.

Deangirl Uquiz

In April, I made a 50-question True/False uquiz called "How sus do you look to a deanfan (me)?" and said you were sus if you got anything less than like an 80 or something. It was supposed to be a silly, tongue-in-cheek shitpost. I did most of my fandom interaction over on @i-make-fun-of-spn-characters at the time, but intentionally did NOT post this uquiz over there (to a much larger audience) because the uquiz I'd made was meant for a small group of like-minded mutuals and followers who would actually understand the context and find it amusing.

Well. It ended up spreading.

Deancrits got ahold of it and were very very mad that I dared to say things like, "Dean is not largely responsible for Sam and Cas's issues" and "People should have laughed at Dean's jokes more" and "Sam and Cas didn't actually deserve Dean's trust in season 4/6 because they were gaslight gatekeep girlbossing and could not be trusted". They grabbed my uquiz to use like a fleshlight, then discarded it on the ground and cried that it was too big around to suit their tiny wieners.

Deancrits drove their followers to brigade my post and my page. I received hate mail. People spewed venom at me directly. Worst of all, someone I don't give a damn about told me I am not funny. :(((( People pushed and made uquizes to "combat" mine. I spawned countless vagues all over spnblr--some supportive, some spewing venom about deanfans violent hatred (???) for Sam and Cas. Whole mutualships were lost between people I didn't even know over this uquiz. It was nuts out there.

I sexily evaded deancrits with my sexy ways while they chased me through the town square, trying to wrestle me into a hair shirt. I edited the uquiz with some more snark since deancrits made it all about them anyway, and changed my icon to flaming Elmo and probably changed my header to say "@ Deancrits Suck my Ass" or something I don't remember. I think I became genuinely angry at one point for about 5 minutes. After that, I remembered a deancrit casgirl took my 50 question uquiz several times in a row, shitting out their insides with rage the entire time, then posted the screenshot of their 0% to all of their followers like the trophy head of some vanquished beast, letting out a warrior howl of victory. To this day, I could not tell you why they thought this would stick it to me. However, this was so incredibly funny that to this day I still risk pissing myself laughing when I think about it. To get that 0, they also had to call Dean their poor little meow meow btw.

Vegan Sam

Every few years deancrit samgirls start this really funny disk horse about how Dean is an evil food tamperer who doesn’t respect that Sam is a vegan. This, of course, is also a violation of Sam's bodily autonomy (see section below). Victoria Angelsdean dared to make an original post stating that Sam is not, in fact, a vegan and never ever has been one. This made vegan Sam truthers really mad, and it was really funny.

Later on, because Courtney Queermania had been receiving a continuous stream of hate mail from deancrits since February, I had lodged a threat (blackmail) to make a second uquiz of evil and villainy in retaliation should any more hate mail be sent to Courtney. During the "Sam’s Super Special Most Violated Autonomy Stolen Valor" disk horse, I made good on this threat, and featured a question about whether or not Sam is a vegan, which made them mad yet again.

Also this post was fun.

Jesus!Sam

Back in April, tumblr user christ-figure-bracket took it upon themselves to create a poll tournament to determine the ultimate christ figure in fiction. Samgirls have long enjoyed paralleling Sam with Jesus, and nominated him for the tournament. In the first round, Sam was put up against Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia—literal lion Jesus. Samgirls were determined to bring Sam victory. Much of SPNblr endeavored to assist because it would be funny if Sam won. I was a stick in the mud about it, and gave this as my reasoning:

#i’m sorry I know Sam beating Aslan would be funny but I can’t stand the sam = jesus take #worst thing sam girls ever came up with #and that’s a large hurdle to clear #not even because i have a problem with people wanting to read into things and explore symbolism #it’s because some of them get gigantic heads about it and then act like they’re being persecuted for their beliefs

Lo and behold—they proceeded to prove me right.

Very early on, some samgirls started telling people who voted against Sam to kill themselves, and complaining openly by name about fellow samgirls who didn't support their plight. However, the real trouble started when christ-figure-bracket made it clear in a humorous manner that they would prefer not to have wincest shippers in their notes. Enraged, angry wincest shippers began sending christ-figure-bracket hate mail, and adding wincest fic and art to their posts and sending it in DMs, and saying they were being persecuted for their beliefs. christ-figure-bracket could barely block them fast enough. Samgirls cleverly recollected—from a few hours before—that Sam had been placed against literal lion Jesus in the very first round. This and the wincest shipper blocking clearly implied christ-figure-bracket's barely-concealed hatred for samgirls. They were no impartial moderator—no! They intended to skew the poll to destroy Sam!

Anyway, christ-figure-bracket removed Sam from the entire tournament as a punishment. Sonic the Hedgehog ended up winning the whole thing, btw. Also I thought it was funny that Sam got kicked out so I said so in some tags. I got some absolutely batshit mail about my "unfandom behavior" and how I place myself as some "sane anti bully saint" and then the person pinned a vaguepost on their page about me choosing who to bully and who to baby for like a month.

Jesus!Sam disk horse returned for a part 2 when Courtney Queermania said something like, "Making a t-shape with your arms should be called 'Sammying'" and got this shit in their inbox:

Dean winning the best tits poll

People got really mad that Sam didn't win this. There was also a lot of arguing about "tits" versus "pecs" and whether Sam has good tits or good pecs.

Sam’s Super Special Most Violated Autonomy Stolen Valor

One day, Courtney Queermania dared to say on their own blog, that they were considering whether Sam’s autonomy actually gets violated anymore than anyone else’s, and weren't sure that it does.

This suggestion resulted in a firehose of anonymous hate mail on Courtney's blog, about what a terrible evil person Courtney is for daring to think this, about how Sam is the specialist most autonomy-less adult baby ever to exist, and how deangirls daring to possibly deny this truth or suggest anyone else ever experienced a violation of their autonomy is a violation of samgirls bodily autonomy in of itself.

To be clear, NOT ONCE did any of us go on any samgirl's page to interact with ANY of them in any negative way. And yet, samgirls fully treated all of us as absolutely evil horrible insensitive people who were actually harming them irl by posting things on our own blogs. While their friends spewed absolutely vile hate messages at Courtney, samgirl blogs were making posts about OUR cruelty and how any of us daring to find humor within the onslaught was deeply evil and insensitive toward them. It was literally argued that Samgirls themselves are all super special victims of abuse who all of us (who clearly have never been through anything bad ever) were being insensitive toward. So of course that mode of thinking within the samgirl community encouraged the hate bombing to continue as some justified form of "retaliation" against our cruelty.

Genuinely I think the hate mail on this went on for like 1-2 months. Some really really ugly vile shit was sent mixed in with some really funny shit. Questions were pondered such as, "Wait a minute—how is everyone defining autonomy???" "Is a demon tricking Sam a violation of Sam's autonomy?"" "Do Deangirls just want to give all of Sam's Super Special Traumas to Dean, who has never been through anything, ever?" "How many incidents can PK come up with where Sam violated Dean's autonomy within 3 minutes?" I posted the aforementioned blackmail uquiz, and Courtney gave all of us this incredible baby Sam image that shall live on in infamy (and haunt all of our dreams).

Psychic!Dean or: Sam's stolen valor part 2

I believe it all started when Laura ilarual made a post talking about a funny headcanon they came up with in a discord server, wherein Dean managing to predict the future fairly frequently is actually a display of latent psychic abilities Dean isn't aware he has. Courtney Queermania also joked about it, which is a crime punishable by death, because Courtney (a completely normal, nice person) is actually the devil incarnate according to a variety of hate anons who have targeted them nonstop since February 2023 for literally no fucking reason.

This resulted in this hate mail, and also blended with the general autonomy disk horse that was still going on in Courtney's inbox at the time.

I think what was funny to everyone about Psychic!Dean was how spitting mad it made people for absolutely no reason other than it was somehow perceived as "stolen valor" by samgirls. I started shitposting after that about how Dean can sense hidden rooms. Psychic!Dean has become one of my favorite headcanons since—we're all rather fond of it now.

Gun Safety: A Commentary on pillows and black store clerks

This is two different diskhorses in a trenchcoat that happened with deancrit destiels/casgirls. Once again—me and my friends never went on anyone's page to interact with anyone in a negative way.

This disk horse had two related flavors: is Dean bad and evil and the devil incarnate for 1) sleeping with a gun under his pillow and/or 2) Shooting Jack in the back to get his attention and keep him from strangling a black store clerk to death? Also, are either or both of these things abusive because of... the lack of gun safety?

I suppose you can guess what side deancrit casgirls landed on regarding both of these issues. It was suggested that the sheer possibility that Dean might hurt poor white baby Jack's feefees should trump the life of the innocent black store clerk he was strangling to death in a rage. Naturally.

Regarding the former vein of discourse: Someone got really really mad at Victoria angelsdean and me for making posts on our own blogs that didn't frame Dean as the source of all evil in the world for having a gun under his pillow, and started going through our blogs reblogging things and being an insufferably condescending asshat in tags with a very transparent goal. Among their complaints, were that "The Prisoner" is an incidence of "domestic violence" against Cas, and that Cas shoving his hand into a child's chest to feel for his soul causing him excruciating pain is perfectly fine, but Dean sleeping with a gun under his pillow is *looks at notes* abusive to Jack. Also they thought it was very important to remind all of us that their dad was in the army for some reason.

I was completely unable to take any of this seriously. If you haven't been on my page long, you might not be very familiar with my potty mouth, but it's important here. I've been here a long enough time that I've seen countless kind people get hate bombed by ugly disgusting assholes in this fandom, and this year I simply had enough. Somewhere around the 20th time I saw fellow deangirls get absolutely vile messages from deancrits or obnoxiously condescending reblogs full of nonsense in the year of our lord 2023, I started endeavoring to embarrass them. One way I did this was by equating deancrits who come onto deangirls blogs to police their posts and act like insufferable condescending assholes... with a dude who walks into a men's locker room and immediately whips his dick out. Everyone else is clothed, but this one dude starts running around naked, showing everyone his cock and going "LOOK HOW BIG MY COCK IS. SUCK ON IT" and not only is he being annoying and weird and harassing people—his dick is actually tiny. Basically I began saying, "Stop whipping your dick out on everybody else's blogs, acting like your cock is big and huge and bulging and I need to get down on my knees and suck it. No one is going to suck you tiny cock just because you decided to whip it out."

I used this metaphor with the person who was being a condescending ass on my blog. I promptly got accused of making "violent sexual threats" by one of their friends, and then another one showed up to tell me, "If internet cancellation were real, you would be so cancelled for this." I changed my header to say, “Cancelled by Ligma Balls” and blocked like 6 people and my blog has been blessedly free of deancrit casgirls throwing tantrums and trying to hit me with their babyhands since.

[moodymisty]

What do you think about... Primarchs with a younger sister 👀

I sent this before but I think tumblr didn't take it 😔 (og was more long but I don't remember what exactly I sent)

Hey! Sorry Tumblr ate your ask or something funky happened, I always have this innate fear that people are sending/dming me things that I'm not seeing.

Honestly I know people like to say that a lady Primarch would be more reasonable than the others, but I personally think they'd be just as awful. Though that entirely depends on how you imagine her.

But it does raise some questions thought like, does the little sister get her own legion? Is it of space marines or of Sororitas? I feel like someone could make a cool homebrew chapter or something based off of it. I know you could go down the path of lady space marines but that's a whole thing I'm not getting into lol.

Vulkan would probably love them because he loves everyone, and Sanguinius too. Guilliman might enjoy having someone around that isn't a testosterone fueled brick head for once. Unless you decide to make her a wild child like Leman.

Perturabo might also enjoy having a little sister again after... you know

There's so much you could kinda do with this I can't cover it all, but Warhammer is the setting for going crazy, ain't it?

also because it's semi-related here's a shitpost

[smoggyfogbottom]

My dad passed away over the weekend. He's been so sick this year and he tried so hard to live, and his body finally gave out.

I tried posting this earlier and couldn't, but now I got all these thoughts buzzing around my head and I want them out.

I'm so thankful for my friends here, keeping me distracted when I needed it, and also understanding when I have to check out. And if you see me lurking around online or liking posts without saying much, thank you for being an unknowing reprieve in what's been an incredibly stressful time. It's a weird guilt to have, like I've tricked myself into thinking that laughing at a friend's shitpost, or smiling over posts of a comfort character will somehow disrespect my sadness and grief. But I remind myself constantly, if my work, my bills, the world, expect me to move on in just a handful of days, maybe finding a bit of joy in the odd inconsequential thing is ok.

And I'd be mad about it if I had the energy. Someone, somewhere, decided that an arbitrary number of days is the appropriate number to handle the loss of someone who helped make me.

Despite how rocky or strained our relationship ever got, I miss him. I miss him.

And I'll survive this, I know I will! I have a great support system, I have family and friends who love me. My family was always open about death, about normalizing discussion around it. Discussing the terrible logistics of a funeral (and i can't help but think of how cruel some western funerals can be, asking loved ones to perform their grief for a crowd). When we were kids, my grandparents were excited to show us their plots and gravestones, and how pretty the spot they chose was. Grandma joking with Grandpa on how'd she swap with the person next to her when he was getting on her last nerve. They were proud of the place they chose, and how lovely it would be for the living to visit.

We picked my dad's plot before he died. Mom's too, because she wants to be buried next to him when its her time. A little rural cemetery, close to the lake, their section marked by old weeping willows. I know you would have loved the view.

I wish you could have enjoyed retirement. I wish you had more years to hang out in your garden. I'm glad you lived as much as you did with the time you were given. Love you, dad.

[gffa]

(About your ‘not being cool’ post)

Your love for things is what I love about following you though! Because I’m here to enjoy things too! So for what it’s worth, I think your blog is pretty cool, and at least if it’s not then we’re uncool together. And now that I think about it, isn’t that the point of fandom? Being ‘uncool’ together? 😂

High five for another uncool person! I admit, I sometimes desperately want to get in with other fans who are writing things that hit me in the metaphorical solar plexus because they're so sharp and have such delicious bite and they're incredibly cool, even when I suspect they would probably find me deeply annoying, but that ultimately I also very much admire people who embrace being silly and goofy and flailing around a lot, because I love those people, too. I pine wistfully sometimes, but then get over it, because I know that if I remade myself into being 'cool', I would only stare even more wistfully over at the people being silly and just having a silly good time. And I want to cozy up to people like you as well, who are so sweet to reach out like this, like I want to talk to people about silly things, I don't want to be intimidating (well, okay, maybe a little, it might be nice for five minutes, but ultimately, no, I want people to feel they can approach me and talk to me genuinely), so I'm just kind of settling in the middle with "acknowledge my genuine desire to be cool, but that it's a temporary want, and the home I really want to make is in the silly goober camp, and then make fun of myself a little in a silly shitpost to get it out of my system". And you are so right! It's not that the cool people don't openly love things as well, they do! But often times they're not as goofy about it (and I find that admirable, none of this is about saying any way of behavior is more right or wrong than any other way!) and they're having fun in fandom in their own way and, who knows, I have met so many genuinely cool people like this that do like me back! I'm just up in my own head sometimes (Star Wars fandom did a number on me), but also I want to agree so wholeheartedly with your ultimate point: It's okay to be uncool in fandom, like we're nerds on the internet, we're watching/reading often very silly stories and there's nothing wrong with embracing that. We can take them seriously, there's a lot of genuinely thoughtful and depthful things to discuss here! But it's also okay to be silly and goofy and sometimes I need the reminder that others are happy to be here with me, too. <3 (Can you tell I'm avoiding cleaning? I have drafted so many character ask game responses to schedule for tomorrow to spread them out a bit, because I really don't want to have to go organize the bathroom. orz)

[jazzy-art-time]

Are there any fun interactions you think there’d be between the OG ocs versus their jarble variants? Aka the sluttyverse

SLUTTYVERSE..,, I’m lLOSING IT.,,,

but ACTUALLY ☝️🤓

YES I have thought about this before! Primarily for shitpost purposes.

UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I RAMBLE A BIT!!

Not EVERY jarble character but some off the top of my head that I’ve thought with this about!!!

Canon Alaxia VS Jarble Alaxia

In this scenario I have two possible ways it would go down:

Alaxia would assault J!Alaxia on sight. Like straight up begin beating Jalax UP. Canon would see him as weak and pathetic and want this man out of his sight.

OR

In a scenario where Canon is in a proper state of mind. I imagine they both would look at each other in a very exhausted and somber way with that token “….. you too?” Kind of manner. Both are very different people and in different situations, but both are equally haunted and ruined by Wem in some manner.

I eat that sad shit up I don’t care if it’s cliche!!

Canon Eden VS Jarble Eden

Much like Alax, both Canon and Jarble are very different from one another.

I imagine Canon would be like “wow.. your so pretty and sure of yourself… I envy that :( I could never pull those kinds of clothes off…”

And then Jarble would be very audibly disgusted with Canon. Like “this sad little man is supposed to be me? Where is your rage. Your fire!!” And would instantly put Canon into boot camp for Self Confidence and also belittle him the entire time.

Meanwhile Canon would have to listen to Jarble constantly complain about their problems and sit there like “my universe i had to struggle to become a god to save my universe from a plague. You didn’t get 300k likes on a Instagram post of food.” And have to listen to first world rich person problems with a 🙂 expression

Also Jarble would be absolutely FURIOUS that Canon has/gets so many partners while he remains maidenless

Canon Jody VS Jarble Jody

I think this one would be funny solely because of Jarble being a arcanine now. Which means that I can make this joke

Canon loves dogs and has a lot of dogs. Jarble loves lizards and has a lot of lizards.

I imagine they both would look at each other in silence like “so cool. So cool. So cool. So cool. So cool.” And be happy that they exist as their favorite animal in another universe.

They also would both find comfort in one another for things they go through. Unlike Alaxia who would find a depressing kinship, the Jody’s would find a happy and peaceful feeling knowing they aren’t alone. (If that makes sense)

Canon Etoile VS Jarble Etoile

Honestly they both would probably detest each other greatly!

Jarble would hate Canon for how they treat The Pinkies and various other circumstances. Because in Jarble Universe, they love the twins deeply and would never hurt them despite their flaws and circumstances. Unlike Canon who [PlotSpoiler].

Canon would hate Jarble just for the fact that they were with Wem and had a kid with him. Like Etoile can’t/doesn’t usually feel emotions, but in that moment of finding that information out I imagine that thing would be SEETHING

Also Canon would HATE Jarble’s hair. Constantly trying to rip it off like a wig.

Canon Solo VS Jarble Solo

They would fist fight on sight. Started by Canon.

He would hear Jarble talk about how he treats Jody ONCE and would leap at him and instantly start punching. Canon doesn’t care if that isn’t HIS Jody, he would hate how Jarble treats her.

If in a situation where they aren’t fighting, I imagine Jarble would be mortified by Solo’s clothing choices.

Jarble: hah. Nice set of bras, you bangin a lotta chicks? My man!

Canon: oh no. Those are mine actually.

Jarble: 😦

And also imagine that Jarble would be mildly jealous of Canon for having a band. Jarble didn’t get that opportunity growing up and would probably be envious.

Canon M VS Jarble M

Okay this one I’ve actually discussed with Fridge. In Jarble, Dax exists but as the Jarble universe’s Hatsune Miku.

Jarble is obsessed with Dax-sune Miku. Like obsessed like imagine the worst anime fan you know and that’s Jarble with DaxsuneMiku.

So I imagine upon meeting, Jarble would be like “WAIT. YOU GOT THE ACTUAL DAX? YOU ARE WITH THE REAL LIFE DAX? DAX IS A REAL CONCEPT? A REAL THING??”

Also I imagine Canon would be envious of Jarble for having a healthy and happy family. She wouldn’t show it and be supportive and happy for her, but overall just… mildly dead inside about it.

Also Jarble would try to show Canon any piece of cool looking technology and have to fight Canon to not eat it.

Canon Dysnomia VS Jarble Dysnomia

Honestly both wouldn’t think much of one another? Canon is used to Multiverse Madness level stuff and Jarble just… wouldn’t care. Like he is always unbothered.

Canon would probably take great pride in how Jarble is muscular. Like it isn’t him but also he would gloat about how he’s shredded in another universe.

ALTHOUGH. Canon would probably freak out when he learns about Jarble’s situationship with Eden. Like “wHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MESS AROUND WITH THAT THING??? WHAT?? THE WORST VERSION OF THAT MAN??” And would have a crisis over it.

Jarble would also be fascinated by what a Beholder is, as Jarble is not a beholder/they don’t exist there. Would 100% try to poke Canon’s eyeballs.

Canon Goddess VS Jarble Goddess

Would just talk about their children constantly and how happy they are to have them. But very loudly.

Like the loudest conversations known to mankind. They would be that annoying table at a restaurant.

They would be proud and think highly of each other. Also would have their kids play together a lot.

Canon Ryan VS Jarble Ryan

Literally just this image

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THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW!!!

You asked a simple easy question and I fucking rambled forever!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!! Hyperfixation upon your house !!!!