#but at least in my view of myself a lot has changed for me internally. and some of these things are good!

[pearlpool]

more tagsposting because i’m having tweetable thoughts and i can’t tweet rn

[themirokai]

Some thoughts from 40.

Look, being young is overrated. I was so unsure of myself for so long. There is so much uncertainty in your youth. For me there was so much striving for so much of my life.

Now, at 40, I feel so much more settled. I’m comfortable in my skin in a way I never was when I was younger, and generally I curate my look purely for my own pleasure without worrying about anyone else’s opinion.

I know basically what the shape of my life is. It’s not perfect but it’s good. It’s comfortable. Even if I decide to change jobs or something, I have a pretty good understanding of what that would mean.

And I’m settled in my personality too. I’m not perfect, far from it. But I have a better understanding of my flaws and what about them I can and have to accept and what I can keep working on improving. So like, when I have an over-the-top emotional reaction to something in a way that’s not helpful, I’m a lot better at recognizing that for what it is and I’m better at taking a beat and trying to fashion a more helpful response.

I’m also better at recognizing and internalizing that everyone is dealing with their own shit all the time. Sometimes other people’s shit has to do with me, but most of the time, though their shit is influencing how they deal with me, it’s not about me. And related, I’m better at knowing when my internal shit is impacting how I deal with someone else.

I think the overarching thing here is that I’m comfortable in myself. And that includes hanging out on tumblr and writing fan fiction.

So for anyone worried about getting older, I can confidently say, at least in my experience, it’s fun and great. You don’t need to be scared, especially if you view getting older as an opportunity to do more things and get more cool.

[traumasurvivors]

Here's a link to a blog post on my personal website on a topic that I think is very important.

I've also put it below the read more for people that don't like external links.

When it comes to healing from trauma, there are a lot of emotions an individual may feel. One of these emotions is anger. Anger is one of the emotions I see invalidated the most. For example, I’ve been told that being angry is “letting the person who hurt me win.” I’ve been told that I’m only hurting myself with my anger and that it’s holding me back from healing. All of these assumptions were wrong.

Anger is often viewed as a bad thing because it can drive a lot of unpleasant behaviours but it can be used for good. While anger can hurt you and others, it doesn’t have to. There is a difference between destructive anger and constructive anger. Destructive anger is often expressed in a way that causes harm to yourself or others whereas constructive anger can be used to better understand your situation and figure out your needs. Constructive anger can be a way to show respect for yourself.

For example, if you’re in a situation with a friend where they do something that makes you angry (for example: cancelling plans, forgetting an important date, etc), constructive anger may involve you stepping away from the situation to figure out the cause of your anger (for example: you feel their actions imply you’re not important to them) so that you can then sit down with your friend and communicate in a calm manner. This may allow your relationship to grow and build with a better understanding of each other. Destructive anger in this situation may involve you yelling at your friend and insulting them, which will likely damage or destroy the relationship. If the hurt your friend has caused makes you want to re-evaluate your friendship, this is valid and there are still constructive ways to end a friendship that will cause the least amount of hurt for all involved. It is also important to note that ignoring the anger and bottling up is likely to cause a bigger blow up down the line or cause “overreactions” to other circumstances.

If anger is bottled up, it can end up coming out unintentionally. You might find you’re getting much angrier at everyday annoyances and disagreements than you might think reasonable. People might push you away or respond badly to your anger, because they feel they do not deserve it - and looking back later, you might feel they don’t deserve it, either. However, because of the anger you’re holding back, you can’t see that in the moment. This is why it is important to think and consider your anger, and listen to what it’s trying to tell you. I have found asking questions of myself to analyze my anger can help, such as in an anger inventory like this one.

While many people see anger as an emotion that causes people to lash out and destroy things, anger can also help to motivate people to create new things. Marches to “Take back the night”, or for “gay pride” have much of their motivation based in anger at injustice and oppression. New laws to better protect survivors of domestic abuse or otherwise help society are often driven by people feeling a huge amount of anger. Properly harnessed, anger can help to take action to change things for the better.

On a more personal level, anger can also be a motivator to improve one’s own life. Many people have used the anger they felt at those who put them down as a motivation toward success. That success might be completing schooling, winning an international athletic competition or publishing a novel. One thing all of those have in common is that they are rarely possible to do with only a little time or a little effort. They are time-consuming tasks which usually require months if not years of work. They can be easy to give up on without motivation - and for many, anger is a big help to keeping that motivation.

It took me years to feel anger. For the first while, I felt ashamed, guilty and like I deserved the abuse I’d endured. Feeling angry at the people responsible for this was a step in my healing. I began putting the blame on those responsible and not myself. I was realizing that I did not deserve to be treated in the harmful ways that I was. This was huge to me as someone that had spent years thinking I deserved my trauma and as a result, future trauma and abuse as well.

There were instances where my anger was destructive, mostly to myself. I engaged in self-harm as a way to vent my anger and it also caused problems in my relationship at the time because I held my anger in and would get really frustrated and project my anger onto my relationship which was not fair to my partner.

Over the years, I’ve learned to cope with my anger more efficiently. What works for someone is largely dependent on them and their needs. For me, it was a literal punching bag to vent out frustrations and journaling. It was sitting down with my anger and treating it like a friend trying to protect me (because it was in a way). It was listening to it and finding the cause. My true anger came from those who hurt me, and in a way, took a part of me. My anger largely came from grief and betrayal. Understanding where it came from did not make it disappear, but it did offer me perspective and allow me to better manage it.

For some, anger is a cover up for other emotions. It becomes a defense mechanism against feeling the sadness, hurt and other emotions that a person does not want to feel. The anger is just the first layer and understanding where that anger comes from, and that the anger is a cover up is a great step in moving beyond it. Feeling the emotions beneath it will play a big part in moving beyond the anger.

Anger is a valid and understandable emotion when it comes to healing from trauma, even if your trauma does not have a specific person to blame (natural disasters and death of a loved one are examples). If the person who hurt you did not mean to or did not know better (like another child), anger is still a valid emotion. You’ve been hurt and you should not have been and it is reasonable to feel angry at this.

For a lot of us, anger plays a part in our healing. And that’s okay! You’re allowed to feel angry. Anger becomes an issue when you allow it to consume you and hurt you or others. The feeling itself is not inherently bad, and it can actually be a good thing. Your anger can be used to help you. It’s what you do with your anger that decides whether it’s helpful to you or not. When I was first told that my anger was “letting the other person win,” I believed that and felt invalidated. I have since realized that my anger has been an important part in understanding my pain and my needs. My anger is not letting someone else win, but letting me win, by helping me to heal.

[vexingwoman]

I'm radfem adjacent, and primarily consume "whump" for a lot of the reasons already detailed here. For me personally I find a lot of catharsis in this kind of content, but I admit a large part of it is probably my brain being rotted by fanfiction.

A lot of it is self fulfilling prophecy. It's simply way too difficult for me to see a woman character being hurt or tortured, and seeing a man under the same situation is in both parts a kind of revenge or catharsis for my own suffering. And if I desire to see this dynamic, there are truckloads of fanfiction and doujin about this specific topic, sometimes even with a happy ending. Someone else proposed that seeing your favorite character that vulnerable is appealing, which I think holds true for me as well. I think so many women are primarily drawn to gay male fiction because of internalized misogyny, but primarily in the sense it is difficult to see oneself in a sexual fantasy. Projecting or inserting myself into a female character requires so much internal observation of the self. It completely changes the dynamic in my mind, so it is so much easier to just insert a male character that I can project onto as the victim. With a female character I'm asking myself all these questions. Am I as attractive as her? Would the character I'm interacting with in this scenario ever be attracted to me? Would the sexual fantasy proceed in the same way if the other character perceived me as female? It is too painful to think about these things, so I just default to a comfortable impossible yaoi fantasy.

I find female fandom space fascinating, because it is the only part of the internet men have never had any interest in colonizing. So it's an almost clear mirror of how women feel in a hypersexualized society. There are certainly women who sexualize real gay men, but a fictional man is not a man. A fictional gay man is not a gay man. Lines on a screen will always be a projection. As long as women exist in a society where they are told constantly they could be raped, when all real life porn is men getting off to random women being raped, a lot of women will naturally turn that fear into a fantasy that can take the edge off of this constant, looming fear.

Very interesting. You touched on a sentiment I’ve had for a long time, which is that male characters get to be viewed as human first and male second, but female characters are viewed as female first and human second. For example, when a male character is emotional and vulnerable, it’s viewed as a consequence of his individual self. But when a female character is emotional and vulnerable, it’s viewed only as a consequence of her being female. I can definitely understand the feeling that envisioning yourself as a male character is much easier and requires less self-awareness or internal observation.

Honestly, it’s fascinating that you’re interested in the victimization of male characters, at least partly, as vicarious revenge for misogyny. It almost comes across as though you hate these male characters. However, as I mention here, most women in these communities are extremely vocal about loving, caring for, and adoring the male characters whose anguish they romanticize.

Overall, I’m learning that the radical feminist community has very differing opinions on this matter. You and many others have expressed the opinion that whump consumers are interested in male victims because female victims are too real and horrifying to read about. However, myself and others are of the opposite opinion, which is that whump consumers are interested in male victims because there is a lack of compassion for female victims—meaning, female anguish is only recognized for the horrifying tragedy that it is when imposed onto a male character.

@misandry-is-justified articulated this view nicely: “when a woman is victimized its to titillate the (male) audience, but when a man is victimized it is treated rightfully as a horrific and traumatizing incident […] this is why whump so often uses a male victim, because only then is trauma and violence treated as it should and only then is the victim truly treated as a victim.”

[red-hibiscus]

BL characters I relate to most as a mentally ill gay trans man

Daisy from SCOY

Surprising no one, I, a trans person, relate to Daisy. They're outgoing and seemingly don't care about how people view them. They know they're visibly queer and they normally don't mind it (from what I see). But at the end of the day, society does affect them. They're hesitant to believe Touch genuinely cares and is attracted to them despite Touch being an absolute green flag who is very direct with his flirting. Even after, Daisy was worried about people would view their relationship with Touch and tried to become Day, a more masculine version of themself. Impossible of course and they broke down emotionally exhausted. I feel that so much because I also don't believe it when people, especially cis gay men, are attracted to me. I've caught myself trying to change my behavior to be more masculine (as I'm a bit on the nonbinary side of things). It's bad, but I know how Daisy feels.

Wang from 180 Degree Longtitude Passes Through Us

As a 26 year old trans gay immigrant in a country that doesn't want me, I have a shit ton of pent up anger that has been building up since I was a child. I've calmed down over the years, but I can still be stubborn and argumentative when it comes to politics and human rights. I'm also a linguistics major, thus an academic.

Wang is so much like myself and like a lot of people around me. Like me and Wang would be close friends irl I know it. We're young and stubborn. We're angry at the older conservative people around us, too much sometimes. So he lashes out. Many of his points are correct, but they're not hitting. Partially because the people he's talking to don't want to change, partially because he himself is stubborn. People like us yearn to be free, to be ourselves and to learn. Wang has a passion for the humanities like myself. Yet he knows society really only cares about STEM fields. I've compromised and am getting a master's in computational linguistics. Even though really I just wanna learn as much as I can about sociolinguistics.

Karl from Gaya Sa Pelikula

I haven't watched GSP in a hot minute, but I do remember feeling very seen.

So in the show Karl has his gay awakening, tries to internally and externally deny it, and eventually let himself be free to feel everything and be himself (at least in private).

Now I didn't have a gay awakening, but I guess you could say a trans awakening. In middle school I felt different, I suspected maybe some flavor of LGBT, but wasn't sure and I was too afraid to think about it too hard. Come high school I secretly wanted to join the LGBT club, but was afraid. Then I was essentially adopted into the LGBT club and dragged into the friend group during lunch because I was a loner like everyone else. At the time still "identified" as a cishet woman. As time went on people started to suspect. "Why are you in the club?", "why did you cut your hair", "why do you dress like that?", "your voice is low for a girl haha", etc. Much like Karl, I was not ready for any of that. I was still struggling to make sense of it all and come to terms with it myself. So I kept rejecting it and every time it hurt.

I kept rejecting it until I couldn't. Until someone I resonated with so much came out as trans and it clicked. My trans awakening was complete. I became able to be more myself, but only in private safe spaces. I wouldn't come out and live as a man until after high school and it was terrifying.

Adachi from Cherry Magic

I've only watched the jpn ver, but I'm sure that character remains the same.

I'm anxious and used to be quite shy. Now I'm just awkward. I'm really bad at seeing the good in myself cause I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly in life. Not that impressive. So when people compliment me I think "haha they're just being nice" (refer back to me never believing people are actually attracted to me).

Adachi is the exact same. He has the same routine every day. Just going through the motions and not really thinking anything of himself. But then Kurosawa comes along and the ability to read minds. Adachi then realizes "wait, someone I respect so much actually loves me? And thinks I have a lot of good qualities? Makes me wanna cry." And me too Adachi. I'd be the same.

Jared from 7 Days Before Valentine

Jared, my precious baby, is described throughout the show as kind, but weird and different. We later learn that he has dyslexia, and honestly he seems to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Even if he isn't, he has a behavioral difference people pick up on and then shun him for it.

I too was seen as kinda weird growing up. Maybe it was the autism, maybe it was the social anxiety. Probably both. And then of course there was the gnawing feeling that I was different than everyone else and it turns out it's because I'm trans.

So when Jared said that people didn't talk to him because he wasn't like other people it hit me so hard.

Myungha from Love For Love's Sake

The whole show is sad yet cathartic for me. Myungha is depressed yet spends his time comforting others. He has a hard time loving and receiving love. If you give him a fictional character who is very similar to him he will love them and see all the good, but he doesn't see it in himself. Relatable as hell.

I have an incredibly hard time being honest with my emotions and letting people love me and express attraction. Mostly in a romantic/sexual context. Dpdr is cockblocking me. So dating is hell, but I'm lonely and yearn to not be.

Probably if you put me in a situation like Myungha I'd also go "yep, that right there is my blorbo" and then not realize that all the things I like about the person and make me care about them are things I have.

Honorable mentions:

Both Akk and Ayan from The Eclipse

Nozue from Old Fashion Cupcake

Oh-Aew from I Told Sunset About You

Cher from A Boss and a Babe (I headcannon him as autistic)

Amber from DNA Says Love You

Uea from Bed Friend

Mitsuomi from Restart After Come Back Home

Jao from SCOY

Maybe I'll make another post for those later

[jbuffyangel]

Hi this may be an odd question but reading your blog (and other Olicity blogs) it strikes me that while you provide insightful in depth analysis of the show at large you proudly admit that Oliver and Felicity’s relationship is paramount to your overall enjoyment and investment in the show. I personally possess a lot of internal shame stemming from my primary focus on the ship and will feel the need to justify my interest in the other aspects of the show (which I do love but I also love Olicity). I struggle with this with not just Arrow but any tv show where the romantic relationship isn’t intended to be the main premise of a show. I know I am allowing myself to be impacted by the views of comic book (and mostly male) fans and I can acknowledge that many of their views on Olicity fans and the show at large when it comes to the ship are at least somewhat if not primarily misogynistic. Despite knowing it comes from a sexist place which loves to shame women for enjoying romance and reduce our enjoyment to a surface level guilty pleasure unaware of the ways a romantic relationship can add major depth and development to a story as is the case with Arrow (although even if it didn’t add that it would still be valid to like the romance aspects), I still internalize those sexist sentiments and feel ashamed and like I cannot fully enjoy those things are I have to add caveats of my enjoyment. I was just wondering if you ever struggled with this or if you have always felt confident in proudly proclaiming your interest and investment in ships or if it was something that evolved over time. I’m sorry if this is a weird question I just witnessed your confidence in the validity of your passion and I wish I could have that conviction and not feel the shame that misogynistic society has given me in regards to shipping and enjoying romance. It’s definitely much harder in a fandom like Arrow where antis will openly voice their disdain for shippers and make extremely disparaging remarks and assumptions about Olicity shippers but I have felt this way in other fandoms too even when non shippers aren’t this aggressive or sexist.

Hello Nonnie!!!! I am so happy you reached out :) Apologies for the delay. I haven't checked my inbox for about a week. You write so beautifully!

To be honest, I've always marched to the beat of my own drum. I was a sick kid and had difficulty making friends because of it. I was teased in school a lot because of my health issues. Elementary school was not fun. I liked my mom and I liked being home. (These things really haven't changed). The Lord blessed me with a great imagination and a love for stories. I would just play by myself because the world I invented was so much cooler than reality.

It did give me a very strong independent streak, which my parents encouraged. The world had been very cruel to them as well. I was highly encouraged to stand up for myself, tell people where to stick it, and not care what other people think.

I was much healthier in high school and made a bunch of friends. But even my friends, who I know love me to this day, thought it was weird how obsessed I was with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My family thought I joined a cult lol. I just like what I like. It never mattered to me if anyone else liked it.

I find it absolutely insane that anyone looks down on love stories. Love stories have been around for as long as there's been human beings on this planet. Every culture has love stories. Why? Love is central to being human. Love is what MAKES us human. We are here on this planet to be loved and to love in return. It's the whole damn point. And I'm not speaking just about romance. We build our lives around all kinds of different relationships. It is not exclusive to romantic love.

But let's address romantic stories, since that seems to be the genre asshats have a problem with. The question is why? Probably because it's popular with women and God forbid we'd be supportive of women and things they like. The horror. I think you absolutely nailed it here:

Despite knowing it comes from a sexist place which loves to shame women for enjoying romance and reduce our enjoyment to a surface level guilty pleasure...

But sometimes I think there are more personal reasons people have such vile reactions to it. Maybe they don't have romantic love in their own life. Maybe they've been hurt by partners. Maybe they've been rejected and are lonely. Maybe romance stories are a painful reminder of what they don't have. I'm not sure. What I do know is that hurt people hurt people. So, more often than not, what I feel is not shame, but pity.

We're clearly on the right track since every television show, movie, book and comic book has some romantic element to it. Romance sells. So, feel confident because you are in the majority.

I don't give the comic book crowd too much thought. My attitude when it came to Arrow was there's plenty of room for everyone to love what they love, hate what they hate, and go about their merry way. Don't like my blog? Cool. There's the door. Plenty of fish in the sea friends. Seek out other bloggers. Start your own blog! The internet is a vast place. Go with God.

But there is an element of ownership within that community that makes them think they can dictate who can watch a show/movie, what we can like or dislike, who can portray the characters on screen, what stories should be told and how they should be told. It's not just romance. Comic book fans are LOUD about basically everything.

To a certain extent, I get it. You love a character and their stories for a long time. It's very exciting when those stories which only existed on paper are going to be brought to life onscreen. Comic books are a refuge for many people, no different than books or movies. So, it can be very upsetting when you don't feel the tv show or movie has met your expectations. I've been bummed out on more than one occasion with books being made into a movie or television show. We've all been there.

But that doesn't mean they get to be the bouncers at the door. They don't get to gatekeep. They don't get to be racists assholes when an actor or actress doesn't look exactly like the character on the page. They are entitled to their opinion, and their opinion only, but it does not give them a free pass to be hateful towards others who may disagree.

I don't want to single out comic book fans out - this is a general internet problem. People just become assholes behind a keyboard. They say things they would never have the guts to say in person. And clearly this is not ALL comic book fans. I have met many wonderful comic book fans who are welcoming and kind. They love Olicity just as much as I do. Even if they didn't, they respect differing opinions. They are just good human beings overall.

In the beginning of my blog, I debated with antis a lot because I thought we were all just having fun. But when the death threats started because I like Olicity and believed Arrow was going to kill off Laurel Lance, then I reached a point where maybe I was dealing with people who were a few paper plates short of a picnic, if ya know what I'm mean. It's a TELEVISION SHOW. These characters are NOT REAL. But there's no reasoning with crazy.

Do you know who are huge comic book fans? Greg Berlanti and Marc Guggenheim. We're talking HARD CORE. And who created Olicity? Greg and Marc. Don't even get me started on the hate they receive.

I know there were entire Reddit threads devoted to trashing me and my blog. Did I read it? No. Did I engage with those people? No. When Stephen Amell's Facebook became a cesspool of terrible antis going after Olicity fans - I left. Did I read the messages in my inbox that were nasty? Nope. DELETED. Did I read the Lauriver tag on tumblr? Nope. We were North and South. The Red Sox and the Yankees. We were never going to agree, so you stay on your side and I'll stay on mine. And when some in the Olicity fandom turned on me because I was still enjoying the show in later seasons, I unfollowed and blocked if necessary. It really boils down to this - can you disagree with someone and remain a polite and kind person? Many folks do not have this skill.

The key to mental health on the internet is control your environment. Do not engage with people who are mean. It's really that simple. Because no matter how "strong" you are mentally, over time, nasty and demeaning comments have a way of sinking in and taking root inside your mind. It's completely understandable that your feelings get hurt because that's the intention! They are trying to hurt you. They are trying to shame you. So don't give them the opportunity.

Does that mean there will be some websites, blogs, social media sites that you don't go to anymore? Yes. Does that mean there will be some fans you don't engage with? Yes. But you know what? The internet is a vast place and there are plenty of people out there who share your opinions. Who love what you love and want nothing more than to chat with you about it until 4 am in the morning. Those are your people. That's your community.

And just for the record, romance loving shippers can be terrible too. I've seen awful behavior from our side of the fence so we're certainly not exempt from the behavior we receive from antis. And loving romance is no guarantee people will be nice either. My shipper flag was forged in the fiery pits of shipper hell - The Vampire Diaries fandom. Nasty doesn't even come close to what I experienced in the great Stelena vs. Delena wars. Arrow is child's play in comparison.

Here's the thing. Arrow is about one man's evolution to a superhero. He could not become that superhero without the love of one woman. LOVE is central to Oliver Queen's development and if you don't understand that part of the story then you really don't understand Arrow.

I think you'll find when it comes to Arrow that it's not romance antis have a problem with. It's who Oliver's romantic partner is. If it was Laurel Lance they would've been happier than clams. But Arrow deviated from "comic book canon" and developed an organic character with an actress Stephen Amell actually had chemistry with. And they CANNOT get over it. But thems the breaks.

I think my perspective on humanity has not really evolved past age six in kindergarten. If you make fun of me or are cruel then you're not a nice person and I will have nothing to do with you going forward. I've approached life like this and overall I have come out the other side a healthier person because of it. The beauty of the internet is there's always another playground to find friends.

I've always been a shipper since I was a little kid. I could never understand why Bobby & Pam couldn't work it out on Dallas. Loved every single husband Erica Kane had on All My Children. (My mother let me watch some wildly inappropriate tv as a kid). I was really torn between Prince Lotor and Keith for Princess Allura on Voltron. I really didn't understand why He-Man and She-Ra couldn't date. I was obsessed with Jerrica and Rio on Jem. And on and on it goes.

In the immortal words of our Queen, Taylor Swift, "The worst kind of person is someone who makes someone feel bad, dumb or stupid for being excited about something.” She's bang on. Always trust in TSwizzle. I'm a 42 year old woman with a full life who wears her shipper flag proudly. Love what you love my friend. Screw the haters.

And feel free to message me whenever you want to talk shipping. This is a shipper safe zone and always will be. You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of.

[flightyalrighty]

What have been some of your big inspirations/points of education* with your comic work?

*could mean learning resources but also just, good advice you got once or improvements to your workflow you figured out

Thanks for this ask!! :]

I went to the School of Visual Arts, where I majored in Cartooning! A lot of what I learned, I learned from Indie Cartoonist Jason Little and DC/Marvel Editor Joey Cavalieri, both of whom taught multiple classes I've taken (mainly fundamental stuff but there were also some extra classes with them like Jason taught my Digital Comics course and Joey taught my History of Cartooning class). I learned how to draw trees from Jason. And from reading Pogo.

I've drawn a lot of inspiration in my storytelling from both Bone and Hellboy, mostly! Both Jeff Smith and Mike Mignola are masters of pacing in comics, and if you happen to be unfamiliar with their works, I can't recommend them enough. Besides those two, the rich, moody internal monologues of Spider-Man: Blue and Spider-Man: Evolve or Die are things I often think about when it comes to dialogue writing. That and (at least when it comes to writing Rouge's dialogue) my older sister. Just, like, in general. Pay attention to how the people around you speak. It helps a ton when figuring dialogue.

Hellboy is getting mentioned again because Mignola's heavy inks are something I like to look over in order to learn from and improve myself. Hellboy, Carl Barks's Donald Duck comics, Asterix & Obelix, Will Eisner's various works, Calvin and Hobbes ALL have this beauty in their inking that can really inspire. Personally, I'd like to get a bit messier with my inking. Messy inks feel so alive. They're so visually interesting.

For colors, I highly recommend this book. I've read it and re-read it as much as possible. It may be for painters, but cartoonists can and should learn from all kinds of art forms. The works of Moebius were also mega foundational for me in learning how to color my comics. The man knew his palettes and how to not confine himself too much to what's "realistic". Speaking of painters (you may roll your eyes at this one) I'm also a fan of Frank Frazetta.

For panelling, I only have one true inspiration, and that's the work of Tess Stone. I grew up reading Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name. It changed how I viewed the limitations of panelling forever. Of course, it may be harder to find that comic these days, so here's a snippet:

Basic advice: really really take your time taking in art that you like, and try to reverse-engineer how it was made in your head. Heck, even if there's art you DON'T like, overall, but has elements you DO like, you can learn from that, too!

Okay! Sorry for rambling! Now here's the thing you're actually here for:

How To Think When You Draw collection of REALLY GOOD tutorials for whatever you need, these guys helped me out a ton when I was figuring the jungle scenes early in Infested.

This Pinterest Which Has Absolutely Everything You Can Possibly Think Of For References And Inspiration Sources.

An Extremely Good Font Site That Is Used By Professionals In The Comics Industry To Letter Their Comics.

The Most Important Book Any Cartoonist Can Read

A Different Book By The Same Man About Making Comics (for free, thanks Internet Archive)

Perspective For Comic Book Artists, thanks again Internet Archive

As for workflow... Man, I wish I could give you any kinda advice on that. I'm struggling with it, myself. I guess I've got two things?

If you have multiple deadlines for, say, multiple commissions or something, or you're trying to put out a weekly comic, but you're also doing something else, break the day up into time slots for each project, and switch the moment it's time to. Keep yourself on that schedule. I'm not very good at this.

I draw pretty detailed thumbnails, so sometimes I'll skip the penciling step in comics and blow up the thumbnail to ink over that. It's faster for sure! It's not always the right solution, however.

Thanks for reading! I hope any of what I've said helps at all!

[citadelofmythoughts]

It’s both very sad and ironic that cis women specifically who deny or get angry at trans women on the grounds of “they didn’t or don’t suffer the way REAL women do” is proving that they do in fact suffer in similar ways. A woman online who isn’t hurting anyone is being sent hatred either directly or indirectly bc her body does not match What. A Real Woman Looks Like. Which is sownthing cis women struggle with and they’re not only fighting male views on their bodies but other women as well.

Assuming a trans women will hurt you because “she was socialized male and born with a penis which will be used to hurt me” is the same bullshit as “I a white woman feel afraid because this black woman spoke to me in a tone I’m labeling as aggressive and now I will cower an blink tears from my eyes and hope someone stronger will protect me from her”

I’ve been thinking about this at woke actually. I’m afab and was raised by strong black women but I identify very strongly as queer with no big label fitting me but knowing Woman does not fit. Girl used to fit as a child but as an adult Woman does not. And a lot of me wonders if cis women’s fear and hatred of trans women does not stem from They Are Men, at least not all of them, but as a sort of jealousy.

Trans women delight in the way their bodies change. They are so so happy to see developments and document them and tell others they feel safe with. They go shopping for the first time and try out the girly things they didn’t get to experience growing up. The struggles and threats of violence against them are very real but they do not outweigh the euphoria of finally being who they want to be. Who they hoped and feared they could be. Who they love to be.

Cis women and TERFs especially only see the double edged sword. Young girls and their bodies are sexualize. Growing wider hips and breaths is an experience that belongs more to others than the individual depending on if they live in an area that demonizes female bodies. Or if not they get that shit from television. Their bodies are used as weapons and it takes a long time to unlearn that and to live for themselves in a way that’s not tinged with shame.

Trans women if they start hormones are outwardly joyful. That’s not saying being out as trans is only fun and that young boys are sexualized or aren’t given under expectations. But cis women don’t think about that. They only see the current adulthood joy and not the adolescence awkwardness or pain or suffering. Feeling like your body was wrong. Having people close to you and loving them and them loving you back but not all of you. Not being allowed to do certain things bc of The Gender. And there is no time boy equivalent for boys.

Cis women see trans women joy and gender euphoria and instead of going “how do I find that for myself. Am I in an environment that is still holding an axe over my head? That little girl who was scolded for having a body that changed against her will. How do I heal her” they blame trans women and paint them as aggressors or predators in hiding so they don’t have to confront the fact that despite the societal challenges being a women is so so wonderful. They deny themselves the joy of womanhood for the sake of gatekeeping it via suffering or arbitrary biology.

Not every cis women has suffered the same. Some cis women tear down others the same way men do. There is no monolith of how women move through life. But to acknowledge and internalize that? To let go of the idea that YES society does not treat women fairly but you as an individual have the power to change that on a social level by sticking up for others until the respectful outweigh the disrespectful? Letting go of that means realizing that there is more to being a women than Being Born With a Specific Body. That it’s not something you have to earn by being hurt the right ways. And they cannot comprehend that

Damn anon, this was just incredible. If there was a way to do it, I'd hug you.

You're completely correct about my experiences as a trans woman. It's been said that when you start transitioning it's a second puberty and that's not just physical, I've been living the years I never got to have when I was a teen and with that comes awkwardness but also so much joy.

I wish more people would realize that hating others and making them feel awful about who they are isn't going to fix their own pain.

[russellsppttemplates]

New around here (Charles Leclerc)

Note: english is not my first language

I realised I did not have any pieces wirh Charles where the reader wasn't already in a relationship with him so there's this

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and although I'm not taking requests per se, if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so!

Tw: mention of a previous car accident (non F1 related) and injuries (does not go into too much detail)

Since you could remember yourself as a proper Formula One fan, you would always tell your father, who was the one that made you watch the races in the first place, that one day you were going to grow up and do what that lady was doing, interviewing the drivers. And soon enough, thanks to hard work, persistence and a bit of luck, you managed to land yourself a job at Sky Sports, going through all the ranks of being just an intern pushing cables and wires around and writing notes for presenters to being sat in the room waiting for your colleagues Naomi and Natalie.

"Y/N, dear, how many times have we told you that you don't need to be so tense about things?", Natalie arrived and gave you a hug, seeing how you had already scribbled a few things down on the notepad ahead of the meeting, "today is a slow day at least, because this weekend we're back in the paddock, and you're coming with us!", she cheered as Naomi made a little celebration dance. And yet you stayed stiff as a board, if you were still a little bit tense in the mornings everytime reality downed on you that you were working with your idols, no one can imagine the nervousness that installed in your core at that revelation, "I'm going to SPA with you guys?", you asked, still unsure wether you had caught it correctly, "Yes! Myself and Natalie feel like you're ready, the rest of the team think so too, so you're coming with us, you'll do a few broadcasts, show your face for a change", she chuckled. You had participated in a few races' broadcasts, giving your opinion through audio only, sitting comfortably in the studio away from the cameras, and despite live TV broadcast being your end goal, you were still unsure. "Don't worry, we'll be there, the whole team will be there too, it's going to be great!", Natalie assured you as the three of you sat down and started discussing the plan for the weekend ahead.

Arriving in Stavelot on Thursday, the day was already scheduled down to the fullest since there was a lot to report and to find out after the summer break, making you drop your personal luggage quickly in the hotel room you were staying in before heading to the track. Even though you and your father had the tradition to go to a few races every time you could, you had never been to Spa-Francorchamps, leaving you to take in the view of the and from the track in awe, "Quite spectacular, isn't it?", Natalie said from behind you, "yeah, it feels like a dream really", you mused. You started arranging everything for the next day, going over the schedule and practicing some lines for the eventual broadcasts you'd be in.

Friday morning rolled around, your alarm waking you up and making you go and get ready for the long day ahead, picking an outfit that was presentable enough for television but also comfortable, knowing how long the day would be. You arrived in the paddock, scanning your pass and making your way to the place where you would be broadcasting soon, "And today we have a new face joining us", Naomi said, "her voice should be known to all of you by now as Y/N Y/L/N has been with us for the last 8 months commenting from the studio, and before that she was writing up our guidelines, so here she is! Y/N, tell everyone a little bit of your way here!", Naomi introduced, "like you said, I have been with Sky Sports since before I even graduated, I used to apply for summer jobs and I guess they liked me enough to keep me for my internship and now my full time job! I used to go karting up until I was fourteen but due to medical reasons I had to stop", you said referring to the car accident you had that left some damage on you back that, despite not being a trouble for day to day life, made you leave karting behind, "but I've always been a fan of Formula 1 so I'm very excited to be here this weekend!", you smiled as you kept discussing the day and what you expected to see around the paddock. Wrapping up the broadcast, the team all clapped and whistled, "Congratulations on your first broadcast girl, that was amazing!", Natalie cheered before getting a group hug from everyone, "You're a natural Y/N, well done!", Naomi finished before bringing you in a hug.

The cheers caught the attention of George, Charles and Lewis, who saw that Naomi was out of broadcast and excused himself from the group, making his way to where you stood, "Naomi, hi, how are you?", he greeted her before waving at the team, "Oh Lewis, this is Y/N, she's new on the paddock team", she said as Lewis stretched his arm, your won stretching too and meeting his fistbump almost out of memory muscle, "Hi, how are you?" before the short conversation came to an end, the team now needing you in the media pen, "You'll be there too?", Lewis asked, "yeah, and be nice to her Lewis, or she'll ask mean questions", Naomi teased before bidding goodbye. Lewis Hamilton had just fistbumped you and held a casual conversation, you could not wait until your dad heard about this.

The interviews in the media pen went smoothly, and you were waiting for the last one before Free Practices began, Charles Leclerc the last name on your notepad, "Hi, I'm Y/N for Sky Sports", you began asking your questions away, waiting patiently for Charles to give his final answer before you thanked him, "You're the new one, right?", he asked you, only managing to nod before he interrupted you, "Sorry, I thought I would've recognised your face if I had seen you before, and- and I heard the cheers back in the paddock", he quickly said, not wanting to come on too weird, "yeah, it's my first time at a GP", you smiled, "Well, I hope I'll see you around, I- I- mean, hopefully it's not your last", he replied as a slight pink tiny coloured his cheeks before he excused himself to get get ready.

Saturday had a whole another atmosphere going around, more fans in the circuit and just a genuine thrill for the qualifying sessions, everyone speculating how the new changes in the cars would change the grid positions. Finishing the final broadcast of the day, you felt a tug on your pants, making you look down to find a little girl no older that 7, her light brown hair in a braid and a huge coat protecting her body from the colder weather, the sun playing the usual tricks in Belgium. "Hi, how are you? I'm Y/N", you said crouching down so you were face to face with her, "Hi, I'm Emilia and when I grow up I want to be like you", she said sweetly, making you melt inside as you looked around to see any adult that seemed to be in charge of her, "thank you Emilia, that's very kind of you! Are you here alone?", you asked her gently, "No, daddy brought me here with him, he's an engineer, look, that's him in the red t-shirt!", she pointed happily to a group of men dressed in Ferrari team member clothing, a wave from one of them being the actual only way to find who her dad was. "One day, I'm going to have a microphone and talk about the fast cars to the camera too", she beamed, looking at the one you had in your hand, and a quick look around the team prompted you to make her an offer, "Do you want to hold this one?", and the little girl squealed in excitement as her wide eyes looked at you, "really? Can I go show daddy too?", she asked and you nodded, handing it to her and following her to her father, not wanting to be responsible for broken equipment on your first day. As she was showing the microphone around the group, you heard a French accent behind you, "What do you have there, Emi?", he asked, "Charles, you're here! How do you feel about the race tomorrow? Do you think you can get in the podium?", Emilia said into the microphone before nearly shoving it in Charles' face. Earning chuckles from everyone around, the monégasque answered, "I think tomorrow will be difficult, we seem to be off the pace a little bit but we're going to see what we can do about it", he replied as if he was in a serious interview, you vaguely remembering the same answer he had given Natalie that afternoon when she asked him a similar question, "You're going to take me out of my job darling, that was very good, very well done, voice placed correctly too, maybe next time just put the microphone a but further away from his face", you smiled at the little girl as she handed you the microphone back, her father thanking you for the opportunity, "Don't think she will shut up about it now!".

The race, as always in Spa, was full of action, Max making it to the podium from the back of the grid pretty easily as you watched Charles in particular, knowing how his season had been going and paying attention to the strategies, one of the things that made you fall in love with the sport, "Did I ever tell how how much I wanted to be a strategist when I was younger? I used to borrow my cousin's laptop and draw graphs on the screen and pretend they were stats from the race, and my little cousins would be driving their toy cars around the living room", you commented earning a chuckle from Natalie, "Seems like you would do no worse that Ferrari have been", she sneered slightly, taking the opportunity that she wasn't live or reporting to discuss with you the different points of view.

After the race, you were in the media pen checking your order as you nodded over to the communication advisor next to Charles, him signaling to Charles to head your way, a tight lipped smile on his face as he felt another interviewer tug on his arm, "Oh sorry, I'll talk to you after talking to her", he said politely despite the unhappy look on the other man's face.

You had already finished your interviews for the weekend and were now helping the team gather the equipment, making sure that nothing was left behind when you heard your name being called, "Ah, Y/N, you're still here!", Charles said, approaching you as you zipped the last camera bag and handed it to your colleague, "So, how was your first GP as an interviewer? How do you rate the experience?", he asked and you stood still for what felt like an eternity to Charles. Maybe it was weird for him to come back here, maybe he shouldn't have listened to Carlos when he said he had nothing to lose in checking if you were there still, until you spoke, "Oh, it's like I expected it to be, so tiring but so worth it! The atmosphere is so different from just being a fan out there, watching everything happen up close, truly the best thing ever", you exclaimed, the crinkles around your eyes more visible since your smile was the biggest it had ever been, making Charles' heart flip for a second. "Well, why don't we make it even better and swap numbers so we can have dinner when you get to Monza?", Charles tempted, knowing that worst case scenario he would get a no and would have to run away from you for the rest of his career, a small price he would have to pay for at least trying. Smiling at him, you took your phone out of your pants' pocket, handing it to him, "I'd like that very much", you said shyly as he gave you his phone, writing your number down and smiling at the prospect.

[jotarobutcat]

Turns out sometimes you have to force yourself to heal

Healing can feel impossibly hard, especially when you've internalized unhealthy values from both your parents and the culture around you. This may look like a pretentious middle school essay, but the truth is, I just needed to write about my healing process, and where it all started, somewhere. This will be a long ride, so buckle up.

I might be happier right now if I had just stayed a bigot, and given all the hate inside me just the right amount of fuel it needs to prosper, but I just couldn't do that to my friends. Funnily enough, this whole process started from my best friend coming out to me as transgender, not from some "a-ha!" moment in the middle of the night like most of my decisions.

Back then, I was your average "good Christian girl", or at least that's what I strived for. I didn't have many friends, especially when it came to people I was in contact with outside of the internet. I'd pretty much lost two of the three friends I had in middle school after it ended; one completely cut contact with me and my remaining friend, and one I just... didn't see again, since we took different paths in life and weren't really that close anyway. I'd recently become friends with another person online, and this person was very much open about being LGBTQ+ when asked. I didn't have a problem with that, because "well, he doesn't rub his homosexuality in my face". She knew my views on things as well, since I was open about my religion and how my values followed what I had been taught by my mother and the church as morally right or wrong. Back then, my views on the topic of LGBTQ+ people were, in a nutshell, "I think it's wrong to date a person of the same sex, and so is changing your body from how God created it, but I'm not going to insult, degrade, misgender or deadname people because I'm not an asshole". So in short, I was a bigot, but not a zealot. When my best and only in-real-life friend came out to me as a trans man, I assured him that I had no problem with him being transgender, and would be using his chosen name and pronouns from then on forwards if he wished me to do so. In reality, I was full of confusion, since I didn't really know what being transgender *actually* meant. Now, I could've just left it at that, but I felt that in order to give my friend the full support he needs and deserves, I should be able to at least understand what he's actually going through. At that point, my knowledge of the term trans, when talking about gender, was limited to "people who have changed their sex". It's not too far off, but I had no idea why someone would change it and what exactly counts as a transgender person, since my friend was pre-everything at the time and thus obviously did not fit the definition I had known before.

So, I decided to investigate what being transgender really means. During that time I watched videos a lot from a certain youtuber, and I knew his friend, who had been in some of his videos, had a channel as well and often posted videos reading memes and posts from different LGBTQ+ subreddits. I previously had had no interest in them, but I figured I could give some trans-themed videos a try, because humour is usually what gives the most authentic image of a person, as long as you know how to actually read people, and it's also a popular way to share life experiences and thoughts without making it too serious. I think the first one of these videos I checked out was on the r/egg_irl subreddit. That video was eye-opening. Some of the memes were scarily relatable, and I ended up realizing a while later, after doing some more proper research on what being transgender meant, that I fit the definition myself. Suddenly a lot of things made sense; why I always felt a prideful joy whenever being sorted together with boys or men, and hated it when someone added my name or "and girl" after referring to the group with a masculine term. Why I hated being called pretty or beautiful, and would rather substitute it for being called ugly. Why I had little to no interest in barbies and baby dolls and was fascinated by dinosaurs and my brother's Hot Wheels cars instead. Why I would rather play alone than join other girls in their play in kindergarten, and felt excited and happy whenever any of the boys would let me play together with them instead. Why I always hated dresses so much and secretly wished I could wear a suit, being exhilarated when I finally asked permission to do so and was given the okay without an argument or a fight. Why I always found interest in what the boys in my class were talking about, even if they were annoying, and why I kept secretly wishing I could join their friend group instead even though I got along with the girls just fine. Why I was annoyed by girly things or topics to the point I would actively avoid them, and feel proud for not participating in "girl stuff". Why I'd feel proud of myself whenever I acted "boyish" or "manly" enough. Why I felt proud of being able to sing the national anthem in a low voice. Why I wasn't able to appreciate having a near ideal body for the local female beauty standards. Why I felt ashamed of my breasts and "birthing hips". Why I felt disappointed to the point of near crying when I was given permission by my mother to get my hair cut short, and the hairdresser cut it into a butterfly bob instead of the kind of "boy hair" I had imagined. There were so. many. things. I could lengthen the list even more, especially if I added in things I've only recently realized likely had a connection with my gender incongruence.

This realization eventually led to a big battle between the values I had adopted in early childhood and followed ever since, and the new information about myself that clashed with what I believed was "right by God". This contradiction coupled with all the transphobic gaslighting, both from my family and random people on the internet, and drove me to what I have only been able to describe as an episode of psychotic depression, at least up until now. I felt awful, and hated myself for not being how I thought I "should be". I started wondering if I had just been influenced by the internet and gotten brainwashed, and began doubting the authenticity of my own feelings and thoughts. I couldn't trust myself at all anymore, and now that I think about it, I guess this was probably how my OCD manifested for the first time. It was like my mind split into two, one of which was "me" or "I", the other one being, well, the brain, I guess, and it was hell trying to figure out which thoughts were *mine* and not just something my brain pushed into my head... or something I, or another person, put in my head either on accident or on purpose. It's something I still struggle with sometimes, but being able to identify the problem(s) has helped a lot, and made things a lot less excruciating to deal with at times.

Well, I got over that. Somewhat, at least. I ended up pretty much avoiding thinking about my views on religion in general and basing my life principles on my own opinions instead of "God's". I still have my doubts and guilt, and sometimes fall back into the anxiety of not knowing what I'm doing is right or not. I will definitely have to work these things out in therapy, but I'd like to believe I've made a lot of progress outside of it on my own as well. Transphobia and homophobia aren't the only kinds of unhealthy values I've had to heal myself from. One of the biggest things that has kept me from healing for a long time is the teachings of toxic masculinity, particularly the idea of "only women are emotional". Being a trans man who almost nobody dear to me recognizes as a man, I've been clinging to every little thing that would validate my masculinity, even if it's extremely unhealthy, for years. This didn't start from my realization about my gender, but instead had been going on since elementary school, possibly even longer than that.

I have a tendency of turning into my friends' therapist whenever I get to know they're having a rough time. I feel it's much easier to give advice to people than to look for a solution to my own problems. Maybe it's empathy, maybe it's just avoidance of the shit I should actually sort out, but turns out these backyard therapy sessions can be mutually beneficial. On the internet, different people dealing with similar problems are often drawn together, kind of like stand users. At one point, the advice I gave to my friends dealing with the same problems I had started feeling pretentious. "I go around giving people advice I don't even follow myself... I guess it's grand time I take my own advice and cut myself some slack."

That's where the actual healing process started. When I felt ashamed of the fact I made mistakes and felt like condemning myself for having emotions, I forced myself to tell myself the same things I had told my friends; "Everybody makes mistakes, and while it may feel awful, it's a natural part of life. You're not worth any less for that. We don't have to look for a solution right away." "You're hurting right now, but that's okay. You're allowed to hurt. You don't have to be all happy and bubbly all the time." "That's right. You're angry right now. And that's fine. You're allowed these feelings just like everyone else. Let yourself be angry."

Notice how all of these have to do with self-acceptance? Yeah, that's what a lot of us lack. We condemn the parts of us we, or others, don't like and give ourselves more and more wounds. All of these parts have their right spaces in our hearts, but we keep trying to "heal" those spots, thinking we need to make sure none of these "unpleasant" parts of us have no place in our hearts before we can start healing the actual wounds. In reality, trying to close up the spaces just results in more wounds.

Think about your heart like a crow playing with one of those boxes with different holes for different-shaped objects; if you hide one of the holes, the crow will keep trying to push the corresponding object through a different hole. Some of these objects are small but sharp, and they make scratches on the box when the crow tries to push them through the wrong holes. These scratches hurt a lot, but are often quite quick to heal. Some of these objects are big, but more blunt. They might not hurt as much immediately, but they leave large wounds that affect a bigger area and take a much longer time to heal. Some of these objects have two sides, one big and blunt, one sharp and small, and thus cause different types of wounds depending on where and how you try to put them.

We all have this crow and these objects. The crow is stubborn, and will keep looking for the right places to put the objects until it finds them. None of our crows know where to put these objects from birth, and aren't really that smart, so they will naturally make mistakes and try to shove them in the wrong spots. This causes a lot of scratches and dents on our hearts along the years, and it's easy to feel like it's better to just close your heart to these objects altogether. The crow, though, has no other place to put them, so it will keep looking for the right hole for the object it's holding, because it knows there's supposed to be one, and that will just cause more scratches and dents in the long run.

Our crows also have assigned instructors. Some have prepared in every possible way to make sure the box gets damaged as little as possible. They put in extra effort, even before becoming an instructor, and do a great job at taking care of both the box and the crow. Some try their best to take care of the crow, but haven't really internalized that they also have to teach it to handle the objects and the box. Some are there just because it was on their checklist, and either don't really care about the task at hand, or quickly become overwhelmed and end up hurting the crow, making it confused and unable to find the right places for the objects. Some end up with the job on accident, some were forced into it, some are never around, and some came thinking they were prepared, but ended up giving the crow the worst kind of instructions possible. You could probably guess that the objects are these less pleasant parts of us. Most of them are negative emotions like fear and anger, some of them are painful or traumatic experiences. The crow is the person itself. None of us know how to handle our emotions and experiences from birth, and that's exactly why most of us have been given instructors, which are typically our parents. Our parents can teach us to handle these "objects" properly, but most aren't capable or just willing enough to teach all of the in-and-outs of the subject, so we'll naturally have to figure some stuff out ourselves. After all, we'll be stuck with these objects for the rest of our lives, whether we like them or not. So right now this little crow is trying to figure out the proper way to handle these things, hopefully with an extra instructor (a therapist) in the future. I think I'm doing good at it, especially considering the fact that the only thing I was taught was to keep the objects to myself.

[coochiequeens]

Su Min is an inspiring woman

In late 2020 Su Min left her unhappy marriage behind and hit the road. The 58-year-old retiree had raised her family and done her duties, and her husband, she says, was treating her badly. So she studied online videos about road trips and set off across Chinaalone in a VW hatchback with her pension and a rooftop tent.

As she travelled, Su filmed and posted videos and diaries of her journey, speaking candidly of her dissatisfying life of housework. She also marvelled at the beauty of the country she was finally exploring, and made new friends.

Su built a following of millions and regularly trended on social media, featuring in a Net-A-Porter advertisement for International Women’s Day.

As Su travelled and her fame grew, many women saw her as an accidental feminist icon, for rejecting the traditional expectations of a housewife and grandmother and taking control of her life. She shyly dismisses the moniker and says she’s not that famous, but enjoys how often she is stopped on the street, and how older women in particular have related to her story.

“As an ordinary housewife, someone who no one pays attention to on the street, to now have a lot of people see me and 

recognise me, this means there is an improvement in my life ,” Su tells the Guardian via Zoom. “I am at least acknowledged, and I think a life in which you are acknowledged is really good.”

Su had married in her early 20s. After growing up in Tibet and moving to Henan after high school she married after meeting her future husband just a few times. She says the marriage soon became unhappy, but she didn’t leave, fearing the strong social stigma around divorces.

Her husband has not spoken publicly about her trip or her accusations against him.

Change came in 2019 when Su saw an online video about someone living what has been popularised in the west as “van life”, and made a decision: when the grandchildren she was helping to care for entered kindergarten, she would leave, and she has barely looked back since.

“I met many like-minded travel pals, and fans who like me, so my life is wonderful on the road,” Su says. “I am very fulfilled, and so there is no feeling of loneliness or discomfort. On the road, my friends keep me company.”

Along her journey she upgraded the hatchback to a campervan. “I finally have my own home,” she told viewers in one post. “In the past, many things don’t belong to me in my family. There was not my name on those things. But my name is finally on this van now.”

Last month, after two years, 80,000 kilometres, 10 provinces and 200 cities, Su came home.

She returned to Henan province to spend the mid-autumn festival with her family, and to tell her husband she wanted a divorce. Su says her husband made no contact with her the entire time she was away.

The reunion, filmed and uploaded to her social media, appears awkward and hostile. In the video her husband seems to make comments about her return, saying she couldn’t survive out there any longer. One Weibo discussion hashtag about the video has been viewed more than 380m times, with streams of mostly supportive comments.

“I’m so happy for her! Su Min has changed,” said one commenter. “She can finally be free, so she is changing her fate. Go, Su Min!”

Su says she has the support of her children in seeking a divorce, and hopes her husband will grant her one. But if he doesn’t, she will just continue her travels.

“Divorce is just a piece of paper, it doesn’t have much meaning,” she says. “I won’t have a second family or seek other partners anyway, I will rely on myself … My husband did not interfere with my travelling, so if I go on the road again, he will just let me be.”

Additional reporting by Xiaoqian Zhu and Chi Hui Lin

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

I kinda feel like I have to elaborate on that post I made last Wednesday about the shout-out to my therapist indulging my Hannibal hyperfixation because my experience with combining Hannibal with my therapy is actually really interesting.

So, I personally have really high empathy and a tendency to internalize other people's emotions and problems. It's manageable now but it was a lot worse when I was younger. And my whole life (especially before I realized I was autistic), I felt a lot of the times that there weren't a lot of people like me, at least not in the spaces around me or in the media I was viewing. Then lo and behold, I come across NBC Hannibal. And Will Graham changed everything for me.

I finally found someone who knew what it felt like to want to rip out of your own skin because your own thoughts and feelings don't seem to be yours, to want to hide from the world and from people because you definitely won't pick up on just their good habits, but their bad ones as well. I finally found someone who didn't know who they were except for a few key points, those being unstable and misunderstood and different. I see myself in Will Graham, but he's also important because I see him carrying out this violent sort of justice that I've always kind of wished I could act out on those who wronged me or misdiagnosed me or ostracized me.

And my therapist is just taking all this and running with it. She lets me read the poetry I write for the show, and infodump about things that happen in the show and theories and headcanons that I love. She's open to listening about the murders and how they're cool and sometimes beautiful and there's so much meaning in them that I wish I could apply to my own life at times. She's super cool because we've set this boundary of understanding that the way things are played out in Hannibal is unorthodox and fantastical and generally unrealistic, but also we understand that I can still relate to and deal with my worst feelings through this unreality.

And, I don't know, I guess what I'm trying to say is, sometimes we relate really heavily to something that might seem weird or unhealthy to others, but other times, good can be found in having a fictional outlet that takes the bad or overwhelming feelings away from us, and you shouldn't be ashamed if a piece of media is helping you in some way, even if the piece of media is dark, or silly, or romanticized. My therapist has helped me see that, and I thought it would be helpful for others to hear. 💗

[lesbianbluesey]

emily fields!

Emily Fields

okay the numbering on this looks very weird because I kept having to use extra spaces to get around the words per block of text limit and I’m kind of out of patience to fix it to look better lol so apologies but here is what I wrote for the meme

three facts about them from my personal headcanons: 1. This is going off the canon detail that she really likes horror films but I like to think she developed that interest kind of alongside the A stuff happening (since I think it’s established in the middle seasons). And that she views them kind of in a Dru Blackthorn esque fashion where they’re less scary than her normal life and that makes them comforting in a way.. I don’t have an hc for what her favorite horror movie is because as we know I suck at watching films so I don’t feel like I have enough to go off even though when I do get myself to watch movies I do like horror … I do think she would watch yellowjackets and her favs would be Jackie and Nat and Van <3. And she has a love hate relationship with Shauna. 2. She and Mona made out in 2x19 during their secret rendezvous in the principle’s office to get the blackmail info. Because it pleases me to think that <3. 3. I think she has major abandonment issues between Alison and Maya dying and her dad’s constant absences and then his death post jump and I think it effects the way she approaches relationships throughout the series a lot.

a reason they suck: she can be prideful and stubborn and has commitment issues for days but I adore all those things about her tbh <3. In terms of things that really do bother me though her reaction when learning Maya is bi … really not good you could chalk it up to Pll writers biphobia and that would be true but I also do think there’s something there about ideas Emily’s internalized from growing up with Pam’s views combined with Alison’s behavior to her pre series that’s not an excuse for it just imo a possible explanation that makes sense for the character and her judgements.

a reason they are great: I mean there’s obvious stuff like her being a really kind and loyal and compassionate person and I do love all those things about her but they are pretty obvious so I won’t delve hardcore into explaining them, she’s a really good person. But I see there are being a lot more to her character at least from my perspective. She’s also a character who starts out with a lot of drive and ambition while it’s of a very different type to say Spencer or Aria or Mona’s ambition and she’s characterized as much quieter about it, and who deals with a lot of repressed anger as the series goes on and she experiences a lot of trauma which speaks to me in chars (don’t know what that says about me lol) and can be vmessy in an understated way that I generally enjoy… I love how hateful she gets sometimes lmao like they say she’s the sweet one but she can be fucking savage when a situation calls for it and I love that, there are small petty moments when she’s in a fight with someone that are really fun and then more serious examples with people who absolutely deserve her anger one of the best moments for this being put to use to it’s full potential when she’s the one to go up to Ezra in 4b after the 4x20 reveal to Aria and give him that speech that ends with “and can you make sure a real teacher gets this” I love herrr. Also love that she is a himbo lesbian icon tbh she’s so charming about it <3. She’s so charming in general… I love her

a reason I relate to them: oh I can relate to a fair amount about Emily lol a lot of her feelings about her sexuality in s1 are very real when I think of my teenage self or even my right now self, some things about her family life (in the show not in the books, book! Emily’s family life is… next level terrible omg one thing I am glad the show changed up dramatically). And I have some similar personality traits. I kind of can relate to specific facets of all the main Pll girls except Hanna and Alison in some way but Spencer and Emily the most I’d say

(what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character: ultimately Spencer/Emily has my heart the most although I do ship her with pretty much every woman of the main cast lol. But Spemily rules imo and it’s so my cup of tea dynamically (chars who seem like opposites (how Spencer is seen as uptight and a leader while Emily is seen as mellow and sweet) but are more similar when you look closely (at how they’re both perfectionists to please their family in different ways, leaders, fiercely loyal, stubborn prideful and competitive, that moment where Spencer says that she can see Emily is ambitious enough to want the team captain position as much or more than Paige does is such a great moment to me because of course Spencer would be the one to see that in Emily…), chars who clash intensely because of those traits but are also very tender with each other in moments that really count and have a lot of mutual respect) also ngl a factor is they’re both sooo pretty all the women on this show are gorgeous but they’re just insanely hot … and then for the ot3 a few dynamics have their moments but most consistently fun and interesting to watch for me is Spencer x Emily x Alison <33. I’ve mentioned before that I’m obsessed with the framing of Spencer and Emily clashing over different views of Ali in 4b and also late s1… also have made jokes before about how much Spencer hates all Emily’s girlfriends lmao (hate is an oversimplification because Spalison’s dynamic is very complex but. When it comes to Emily she doesn’t play lol). That’s specifically show-wise though books wise Emaria is my favorite ship for her I adored the way their friendship was depicted and it had shippy vibes a lot of the time, I ship them in the show too and when they get to interact one on one usually enjoy it a lot but it’s clear the writers didn’t care to focus on their individual dynamic as much as others, which is a shame. Tabby&Imogen’s dynamic on pllos actually to me is more similar to book Emaria in some respects…and I was into the Aria x Courtney x Emily stuff in Ali’s Pretty Little Lies and found that compelling.

five things that never happened to that character that I believe should have happened: 1. consistently go to a therapist who isn’t just the liars counselor as much as I like Dr. Sullivan (this one would be the first for every liar) 2. She should have had an actual arc post time jump around grieving her dad… it’s absolutely criminal that we just get that scene of her at Wayne’s grave (which is one of Shay’s best scenes on the show imo) and a little lip service done to it in the first couple of episodes but not even a flashback to his funeral… a million Haleb Spaleb Spoby flashbacks a Jaria flashback but not one to one of your leads losing a parent it’s not an exact comparison because anti-blackness specifically was a different factor with how Bonnie was treated in TVD but since I just got to her dad’s introduction in my rewatch and it’s on my mind could kind of draw a parallel to how her losing a parent was a peripheral plot, we saw her reaction in one scene and then moved on to other magical factors involved with her being stuck on the other side vs Elena’s grief about her parents and Caroline’s arc around losing her mom in s6. Like it is telling that on both shows it’s the WoC who doesn’t get the same space for her storyline (different factors again because anti blackness re: Bonnie and homophobia in Pll but .. you get it). But anyway, post jump sets her up as being a much less put together char than pre jump Emily with the dropping out of school and not telling anyone etc. so delving into how unstablized she feels, the ways she might want to emulate her dad (I do think that shows up but not in a very intentional way) and actually letting us see the flashbacks to how this impacted her relationships instead of being told. I actually have had an idea for a while about a fic I’d like to write about this but haven’t felt like I had the time to actually write it although this is making me think about it/want to go back to it again… 3. I don’t think this is controversial Maya should not have died, and Emily’s love life… well that could have gone in different directions and I would have been happy she and Maya could’ve broken up for a while then gotten back together post time jump, or they could have done Emison but actually committed to exploring what’s interesting about Emison instead of the milquetoast end of series Emison, or both of those, if we’re sticking with her canon li’s. I’m not a huge fan of Paily but I wouldn’t necessarily want it to not exist because I think there is some interesting narrative stuff there about what it means to Emily to be Paige’s Alison, for want of a better word. But I do think a lot of their relationship content isn’t that interesting and would have liked it to not be the big ticket ship/soo prominent just based on personal preference. And I would have gotten rid of.. maybe not every girlfriend of the week because I do like that Emily’s a ladykiller but most of them were flops so I’d have gotten rid of a lot of them and/or made them less prevalent. And if I had full creative control I obviously would have wanted her to date Spencer or Hanna or Mona but that also goes more into things I’d change for the other liars so I didn’t include it here 4) her s3 arc (if Maya still dies) should have actually gotten to be about her grieving Maya and how that coincides with A trauma (especially given how brutal she got it in s2 between the carbon monoxide barn and the ointment-induced ulcer and everything, and Mona didn’t kill Maya/isn’t responsible for that but it happened in the same spiral) and not about the Nate mystery… and if there was going to be a plot about transference in grief (which I could totally be on board for!) it should have been with someone who wasn’t Nate… 5) no egg donation mystery plot that leads to weird rapey Emison baby plot … I realize like 4 of those were very obvious things that didn’t merit much explantation and one I ranted about a lot.

five people that character never fell in love with and why: I’ll go with the assumption that she’s only ever been in love with Maya Ali and Paige (yeah I think she did love Paige even if it was maybe a less intense type of love for her than some others and even if it isn’t my favorite dynamic outside of enjoying it as part of a psuedo triangle with Spencer or Ali at different points) when writing this out 1. Spencer - They do clash a lot, I think it would take the right situation for them to have a more stable approach to their dynamic. Alternately I could also see them in a totally unstable situation and getting together in the worst way possible and I would probably love it xd. 2. Hanna — I feel like they could have easily fallen in love if you removed other factors like their other li’s and separated dramas, even though Spemily is my favorite singular ship dynamic I do think Hanna and Emily are ultimately most compatable. 3. Mona — in another life… but in this one they’re too fixated on their blondes. They do have great chemistry the rare times they interact one on one imo and I do choose to believe they made out in 2x19 and that also contributes (aside from the other totally valid reasons) to Emily’s extreme hostility towards her later lol. 4. Jenna - Emily is consistently the most hostile to Jenna out of all the girls which I find interesting (Aria is consistently the most receptive/compassionate towards her which is interesting to me for different reasons) part of it is because she gets close to Toby before anyone I also think Emily is a prideful person who deeply dislikes feeling guilty (even though she has a guilt complex about a lot of things) so Jenna is a sore spot for her. I did always think their actresses had chemistry though. 5. Sara - I mean… there was very little there for me to dig into tbh but ultimately I think Emily saw Sara as a project to fix and needed that post dollhouse because she prefers to be the caretaker, and that’s how I view the relationship/why Emily was so into her when she’s… quite a blank slate before the reveal she’s evil lol. I also think there was potential for some interesting stuff about transference from Ali to Sara but it’s not really in the text especially since Sara doesn’t act much like Ali despite having a similar backstory.

thank you for asking!

[thir13enghosts]

Do you think any of the women are feminist or support feminism? I know for a FACT Royce is drinking "Respect Women Juice" all day everyday

uhhh kind of? i mean i feel like the only one who actively considered/called herself a feminist would've been jean, coming from the vantage point of being from the late 2000s - early 2010s and having more access to feminist material (both from the past and the present) compared to everyone else

as for the others...

(also disclaimer: i'm going with My versions of the ghosts which tend to differ a bit from canon. just roll with it)

billy michaels: billy was like at most 10 years old when he died. he was probably still in his "ewww girls have cooties" phase. he had no concept of feminism.

jimmy gambino: ngl to you, not really lol. i mean he more or less supported women both then and now (at the very least he wasn't Actively misogynistic, which is the bare minimum), but at the same time i feel like he's the type to call a woman he Just met "sweetheart" or "honey" so yeah. he says stupid shit every now and then, but he'll also listen to you when you call it out and make the effort to not do that again (or at the very least not do it in front of you). might roll his eyes or even laugh at you at first, but he'll still make the effort. like the guy's not perfect by any means but. he's trying.

dana newman: that's a complicated one. on one hand, dana strikes me as someone who probably dealt with a Lot of internalized misogyny, and this goes for both my version & the canon version. probably lowkey prided herself on (whilst also hating herself for) her attempts at being a "good woman" which was basically: keep your head down, keep your legs crossed, keep your mouth shut, remember the man is always right, and maybe this time he'll be nicer to you. hasn't really worked for her so far, but third fourth fifth time's a charm! but on the other hand, i also think that dana was at least Aware of the feminist movements taking place during her time (the 1960s) and likely supported feminist goals, even if she never voiced it out loud. like she wanted to believe that things might get better for her and other women but didn't really hold out much hope for it Actually happening.

royce clayton: i feel like he was better than most boys his age when it came to Not Being Shit To Women (which...unfortunately isn't saying much considering this is the 1950s we're talking abt here), but i don't think he thought much abt feminism itself aside from whatever he might've heard on the news or from the papers. he's kinda like jimmy where he'll say something kinda Ehhh every now and then, but he'll also listen to you when you call it out and make the effort to not do that again. his mamá taught him to be respectful after all, and even after all this time, even after all the ways being a ghost has changed his personality, he doesn't wanna let her down.

susan legrow: kind of? like if you told her some feminist talking points without telling her they were feminist talking points, she'd probably agree with them, but she definitely wouldn't have called herself a feminist. remember, susan was around during the reagan administration; she probably only knew feminists as the stereotype of like bitter, man-hating, lonely Bitches with hairy pits (oh the HORROR!!! /s) and harsh voices and no sense of humor who at best were trying to ruin everyone's fun and at worst were actively trying to Exterminate All Men. it was very much like "tbh that does make a lot of sense...but if i started talking Like That, then no guy would wanna go out with me and i want guys to go out with me! that's definitely what i actually want for myself after all and not just me imitating what i've been taught all Normal Girls want!"

isabella smith: feminism wasn't a Thing during her time. however, i imagine she did have somewhat progressive views for her time (which was probably part of why she was so ostracized), and i do feel like if feminism as a term/social movement was Around back then, she definitely would be a feminist

amelia shelburne: i feel like amelia had Heard the word "feminism" and maybe even had an idea of what goals feminism was striving for (at the time), but idk how much she really knew abt it—mostly bc i still go back and forth on how much she knew abt life outside the circus she & her mother travelled with in general. and even then i feel like she was probably a passive supporter at most, like "that sounds great and i wish them luck but i've got Other Things to worry abt"

margaret shelburne: no but in a very resigned kind of way? as far as margaret was concerned, this feminism idea was for the """normal""" women in the big cities, not for a "circus freak" like herself.

george markley: i don't think george would've identified as a feminist, but that's not to say that he would've been a misogynist. i do think that he at the very least thought that women should be respected as the fellow human beings they are. however the feminism movement that was going on during the time that the markleys lived and died was first wave feminism, and first wave feminism was primarily focused on the rights of white women. intersectionality—such as considering the plight of women of color or working class women and how that would further impact their experience with misogyny—wasn't a priority at the time. and since both george and his wife (i've been thinking her name was ruth) were working class black ppl living in rural late 1800s virginia, they weren't ppl that a lot of popular first wave feminists would make space for.

lenore howlett: no bc part of being a feminist requires caring abt other women/other ppl in general and lenore just...doesn't.

horace mahoney: oh fuck no, absolutely not. horace doesn't see women as people—he sees women as machines with parts that he can disassemble and put back together as he pleases. literally.

[freddieslater]

How about 27. You Have A Vampire In Your Bed [TVD]?

Thank you SO MUCH for sending another one!! I appreciate you so much <3

Damon was quite content with just staying in bed as long as possible. The sun shines in just right and warms the beds nicely, not enough to be irritating. He would be more than happy to spend another half hour or so just soaking it up in the blissfully quiet little dorm room.

A loud, obnoxious knock at the door spoils that plan.

"Luke? Are you still asleep? You said you'd meet me ten minutes ago!"

Damon peeks an eye open as the bed shifts. He turns his head and watches Luke who just bolted upright in a panic now scramble out of the bed in a bid to put on something with a touch more decency.

"Uh, I'm just getting dressed," he calls back. "I'll come find you in the common room, yeah?"

He can practically see Liv rolling her eyes through the door.

"Just let me in, loser. You come into my room while I'm changing all the time. I need my book, I left it in your room yesterday and I'm already running late thanks to you."

Damon finally lifts his head, propping himself up to better enjoy the pantomine unfolding in front of him. The view is rather delightful. Luke has frozen in the middle of the room, one leg of his sweatpants on. He swears under his breath, yanks the other leg on then proceeds to search wildly for Liv's book without a shirt. Damon's smirk widens the longer it goes on.

"Luke! Just let me in!"

He is doing everything possible to avoid doing that.

"Just - wait for me in the common room! I'll bring your book!"

Damon folds his arms behind his head. Luke glares at him.

"Why are you being so weird?" Liv demands.

Another voice joins the mix now, making Damon roll his eyes and groan internally as Tyler quietly suggests, "Maybe he's got someone in there."

He can't escape those damn Lockwoods.

"Oh my god," Liv mutters, then louder, "please tell me you don't have some frat bro jock in your bed right now. If you don't open this door, I'm unlocking it myself!"

"No, Liv, don't! I'm just coming!"

His eyes dart to Damon, then they sweep the room for somewhere he can hide him. Fortunately, the dorm room lacks a closet for the sake of irony, leaving the bathroom as the only option unless he wants him to climb out the window.

They have a whole silent debate about it. The bathroom, not the window, at least Damon thinks that's what is happening. Luke motions for him to hide and Damon smugly stays put. It takes a lot of restraint not to laugh when Luke grabs his arm in a lousy attempt to drag him out of the bed. Damon doesn't budge an inch.

The lock twists from the outside and the door swings open. Liv marches in without a care, Tyler following behind her. It's hard to tell which of them is more disgusted by what they've just walked in on.

"Right..." Luke begins, holding up a hand, his eyes wide. "I can explain..."

"Yeah, you better," Liv says briskly. "So, you have a vampire in your bed. Honestly, Luke, I'd have preferred a frat bro douchebag."

"You're one to talk!" Luke counters, waving a self-explanatory hand toward Tyler, who scoffs indignantly.

"So not the same thing," Liv says.

Send me the title/number of a wip and make me write it!

[twopoppies]

this

hey, gina. i really love you and your blog and i very rarely disagree with you, but i just wanted to share my own opinion about this, as someone not from the USA (or europe, for that matter, because they are privileged too, mostly). i get that you may have a more pragmatic point of view, which is completely fine, but i think it is incredibly easier to do so when living in the country where harry has played shows for the last three years. he comes to my country once every four years, and there are places like the african continent and asia that get even fewer concerts than that. obviously we know it’s about the money. we know that capitalism is a thing, but it’s impossible not to be frustrated by this situation when it happens all the time and not just with harry, but with nearly every single international act. and to answer your anon, no, we do not think we can just tell harry where to go or what to do, and we’re honestly not trying to (i’m not, at least). he is his own person and he knows what he wants to do with his career, or how things work in this industry in order to profit. we are just expressing built up frustration, and we just wish things were more equal. we know it’s wishful thinking, we’re aware. but i don’t think it’s fair of the anon to disregard (at least it’s what it felt like to me) our feeling. and i do agree that harry just goes with the flow of the crowd (as india put it, much more eloquently than i just did) and i do agree that there should be no discourse whatsoever. it’s just a lyric that some fans atribute meaning to, and if you don’t, then just don’t. we shouldn’t fight over who is right and who is wrong because no one is right or wrong. but seriously, don’t say we’re naive for thinking harry is going to leave the USA – we know he isn’t going to leave. that’s exactly why it’s so frustrating and it’s exactly why we like to belt out those words. anyway. it’s such a silly thing to create a whole ass debate over. we know he isn’t leaving. you all know he isn’t leaving your country. we just love to scream leave america at the concert, and from my own experience: it does feel pretty good. but it’s just that. a feeling.

Hi love. Thanks for all of this. I actually really agree with what you’re saying. Sorry if the way I articulated myself earlier made it seem otherwise. I have no problem with people belting that line out at all. I do get it. I think it’s particularly relevant for anyone outside of the US — and even Western Europe who get less, but still are very privileged when it comes to being able to see most big artists. But I see what you’re saying about it feeling like a chance to express your frustration when you scream that line.

I think I was focused on the way people were arguing about his lyric change meaning X or Y, not about the line (or the issue) as a whole. I think there’s frustration and sometimes animosity on one side, and defensiveness and often ignorance on the other. It makes for a lot of negativity. I appreciate the insight into what it feels like from your POV.