#but because in social situations and In Our Society That We Live In you mostly can just choose one gender and it's either man or a woman

[heavenlymorals]

How would you describe Mary’s personality? I always feel like this fandom portrays her to be this very classy, serious, goody-two-shoes but I think she has to have some form of rebellious nature in her considering she’s a “high-society” girl that fell in with an outlaw and brought him home to her daddy. Yeah she may not be as free and spirited compared to the camp girls, but everyone always talks about Arthur’s type being a woman who’s sophisticated - but on a general scale comparing her to the women of her social status, she must fall more on the rebellious side of things no?

Mary is many things. She is melancholic, feisty, calm, rational, thoughtful. She's a person with many emotions and dreams and honestly? She's a delight in the little time we got to know her, even if the circumstances were rather sad. But mostly though? I think Mary is a woman who grew up.

She met Arthur when she was young, super young.

"Oh, we were so very young. Think of how different life could've been."

I mean, she doesn't even look at day over 18 in that pic she had with Arthur. In fact, Arthur looked to be a couple of years older than she was, but that's neither here nor there. The fact is that she was probably way over her head when she fell in love with Arthur and when she agreed to marry him. She realized that love wasn't going to be enough for her in that society and that's a very realistic approach to it, honestly.

If she married Arthur, she'll probably be ostracized from her family, from society, from the people she knew. She'd most likely also be shamed for dishonoring her family and shame back then was no joke, especially for women. People tend to forget this. She'll lose any connections she might've had and that's not even mentioning the lifestyle upheaval because what's the likelyhood that Arthur, still young and foolish, would be able to settle down and live a normal life instead of this nomadic, dangerous lifestyle?

Mary had to think about all these factors. People end relationships for less.

When it comes to fandom, people are too in love with the idea of love that a real reaction to such a situation backfires on the character and strips them of their personality.

Is Mary classy? Sure she is, but she can also be crass ("Don't be a pompous ass, Arthur, it doesn't suit you."). Is she serious? Yeah, she is in serious situations, like all people, but she is playful and joyful with Arthur ("It's sort of beautiful in a tasteless and gaudy sort of way." "That's the only way I know." "Thank you." "Oh I didn't mean it like that-" "I'm sure. You silly man."). Is she a goody two shoes? Most people are, but she also defies her father in the end despite knowing that her entire life would flip upside down if Arthur does decide to run away with her.

She's definitely a high society girl- her family is rich or at least well off, she has servants, she dresses nice. She isn't as "free spirited" as the other girls but why would she be? She didn't have to go through poverty, or her parents getting killed, or having to live an unconventional lifestyle with a bunch of hucksters. She was a law abiding citizen who lived a normal life where culture, etiquette, and roles mattered.

So is Mary rebellious or sophisticated or any of that? Not really. She's just a normal woman. I don't like putting her into a box of being sophisticated or whatever because that's just a disservice to the very realistic writing of her character.

She's just a woman who our main character fell in love of with for one reason or another who is still her own person. She's not a "type" or any of that because she is many things and a realistic woman is one of them.

Thanks for the ask anon 🥺❤️🫶🏼

[redux-iterum]

Trans guy anon back again! Tbh I think you are doing a pretty good job about the not agreeing with the nursery situation thing. Like yeah the trans situation is ify, but we mostly heard of it from a worldbuilding perspective for now.

Meanwhile in the actual story we've had Silverstream's and Bluestar's situations which very much showed how brutal and in the wrong the clans can be in such matters.

We also are experiencing the story from the pov of a character that questions this society and it's rule a lot and wishes to change things for the well being of others. Which is very different from canon's weird and unquestioned "we live in the best most moral possible society" views.

Exploring how the Clans are full of shit is one of my favorite aspects of writing this series. It doesn't help that they're cats, which in this setting are notorious for their pretentious, conceited, oblivious-to-the-real-world opinions on themselves. A cat can justify any god damn thing they do and be assured that they're in the right, because they're a cat, and a cat of [insert society here], which is the Most Right collection of cats in the world.

It's why hypocritical beliefs and traditions exist within the Clans - we accept all genders in every position and role, but you can't come in the nursery or take care of kits because you smell like a male; one of our gods destroys all wicked souls so they can't hurt any of the living, but if you talk about those souls long after they're gone you're going to summon them and harm everyone all over again; kits are completely innocent no matter where they come from, but they must live with great shame and secrecy if their father is from a different Clan and their mother is a social pariah. No, none of the fallout from these beliefs and behaviors is our fault. It's your fault for doing Clans wrong. We're a perfect society. Pity those outsiders who dare to question our logic. They just don't understand. They're not Good Enough for us.

Suffice to say, having Fireheart as the POV for this arc has been extremely fun for me.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I sent a complaint about my upstairs neighbors to our buildings management despite never having communicated with them directly? Okay so I live in an apartment building. My upstairs neighbors regularly have loud parties (?) It doesn't always sound like it, but at least loud music playing, and sometimes that includes stomping around (assumed dancing) and loud talking/laughing or rarely fighting. This usually occurs on weekend nights, from friday to saturday or from saturday to sunday (most common I'd say), and can last for hours. Sometimes it's just during the day/afternoon, which, annoying, but sure, it's day, can deal with it while just being annoyed.

At some point, this was mainly an issue when I had sleepover guests, since they would sleep in the living room, opposite side of the flat I sleep on, and usually where all that originates (assuming they are also doing this in their living room) But I feel like it has been getting progressively worse, both in volume and times this happens at. It's currently 3.45 am on a Saturday, and they've been going since at least 3, probably earlier, but that's when I woke up/became aware enough to actively notice it. (Proofreading and it's now 4.10am, still going strong up there-) Now, I'm not one to call the police, especially when there is no actual danger or physical harm that can't be dealt with otherwise effectively, bc ACAB, but I've taken several clips with audio tonight because I'm fucking tired and am heavily considering sending the management company for our building a complaint about them. The issue I'm not clear on is mostly...that I never really talked to them directly. I know they've gotten complaints and stopped before, and I've left a note together with a guest of mine in front of their door before. Yet it remains a recurring occurrence. I've never actually knocked or rang the doorbell to directly ask them to stop. I live alone and am afab in my 20s, all I know about my upstairs neighbors is that it's two men (though there's definitely sometimes people over, as I said sometimes these occurrences are definitely parties). At most I will have one friend over who's also afab on these occasions. (We are both trans/nb but p much present as our assigned gender in current circumstances) I also have social anxiety, though I don't think it's particularly unreasonable to be worried to confront unknown men, who will know where I live as well, about literally anything considering we live in a society TM. (Obviously I don't know that it wouldn't just go over very easily however, exactly the issue that you can never rly know that- like ik most people would probably react chill or at best annoyed I'm interrupting them or whatever but there's always a chance to run into the exceptions TM)

I don't need to work on the weekends (though other people in flats around us might, idk) but I still gotta like, maintain my sleeping rhythm ideally, and you know. Generally pleasant to be able to sleep at night if you would like to- I do not know what actions they would or could take if they do consider the complaint at all, but I'm not really assuming they'd like, cause them serious issues regarding their living situation, it's more likely at most they get a letter/some shitty little flyer to not loudly party in the middle of the night get put up in the hallway/at the building doors. But again that's my assumption and not a fact I know for sure, I could be completely wrong about that, and I don't know if there's potential other complaints.

So, WIBTA if I sent clips of the loud music in the middle of the night and a complaint to our building management without knowing potential consequences, even though I have not tried to communicate with my neighbors except a singular note one time?

What are these acronyms?

[nineblooddances-if]

Hi! I hope it's not a spoiler, and if it is, you're free not to respond. I don't know if this question has already been asked, but I haven't read that it has been asked, so...regarding MC, how much could you say they are socially, sentimentally or intellectually capable?

In the demo we are told that they have read books, but what kind of books? We only know about the world thanks to what we have read in those books and what our father told us?

Until now we only know our father, we have not even lived with an animal or other source of food. We have no idea about other cultures or languages, architecture or technology, malice or manipulation, social rules or customs.

So, according to what we have read so far and my understanding, we are still like a child, our MC has no idea about ANYTHING. Is it really like that? Or do we have certain knowledge that we have been told, such as sword training or gardening?

This would make for super awkward, funny or cute situations because our MC literally leaves their home to LIVE for the first time, but they have no idea what that is like in a society or hell itself. And honestly I love that? Hahahaha I imagine my MC as a complete social misfit and without any filter because of course, she doesn't know how to lie or take hints, carrying with her a small dictionary that may have been a "gift" or my own MC has created as a type of encyclopedia. Haha

And being Demisexual, any attempt at casual sex would be off the table, so perhaps the commanders of hell see my MC as a child they don't know how to deal with. XD I'm curious how they might feel or react to this?

I don't know exactly if that's possible, but I hope there is an option to be able to develop an MC that way. I hope I make myself understood and sorry for the length of my explanation.

PS: You have great talent and a lot of creativity, I also write sometimes and you have become one of my inspirations. Take care of yourself and drink plenty of water. ✨

Hi! I hope it's not a spoiler, and if it is, you're free not to respond. I don't know if this question has already been asked, but I haven't read that it has been asked, so...regarding MC, how much could you say they are socially, sentimentally or intellectually capable?

The MCs intelligence overall is base level common sense, now this may differ depending upon choices you make in the game revolving around that, but the Mortal Man taught MC a lot of things, especially with him knowing that MC was in Hell and in the Limbo. As well through the story, MC develops rather quickly and learns quickly as well.

With the use of books, MC is aware of periods and sex (though it is a very base level.)

there are a lot of things MC is unfamiliar with but that will mostly be within hell, since they know much about Earth in general, due to the mortal man's travels that described when he's first introduced.

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

Madara Week Day 5 : found family

Originally analysis but there is a lot of my own interpretation so let's say Meta/Headcanon?

Madara sincerely tried to consider Konoha as his new home. He did it for the sake of his people but mostly because the warring state era, the death of every single member of his family left him emotionally exhausted.

Paradoxically what Madara feared the most in his youth was solitude. It is revealed during the monologue Obito did to Naruto just after the death of Neji and Madara noted that Obito sounds just like him back then.~

Hashirama's hand came like a relief from the horror of his situation. Everything had been destroyed anyway so yeah... maybe let's build something brand new from scratches. Yeah maybe he can trust the Senju clan after all and life would be easier. But the effect of this renewed friendship was unfortunately temporary, it was like applying a tiger balm in an open infected wound full of filths. The weight of guilt, the promise he made to Izuna on his death bed, the distrust from his clansmen he wanted so badly to save, it was still haunting him... And later the village revealed itself to be just an illusion of peace. People were living side by side but they still hated each other in silence and soon he could already prophetize his clan would be in great danger under the Senju's authority. But he never found a way to properly communicate his worries to the Uchihas that have now a warm roof over their head and a meal everyday. He couldn't neither communicate with Hashirama, and the main reason in my opinion was because they have changed too much during the last decade.

If you think about it seriously there is something unrealistic about Kishimoto's writing. Close you eyes for a minute, remember your best friend when you were 12 years old. and then you go your separate way and you see him again fifteen years later. What would you say to each other? Sure you still have dear memories together but...that's it.

The fundamental period of your life when you grow from being just a child to a grown adult many things happened that change you deeply:

1) puberty, often more spectacular in men. their physical appearance, their height, their voice, their hormones like testosterone that makes them more aggressive, open to sexual experience. Just from being 12 to 17 it's two different characters. Your parents who have to deal with your teenage angst can talk about it.

2) socially you change too. from 12 to 17 you're still cocooned by the educational system, for most of us we still depend economically from our parents. and from 18 to 26. Some goes to university, changes for a different cities, hang out with different friends, shape their values different from what their parents taught them. Others start to work straight away and the changes are even more brutal, now you confront the child that you were with the reality of building a career, earning a living, pay your own taxes, vote for your president ect... in a nutshell being a functional and independent member of your society.

3) emotionally you mature : it's obvious that from our 12 to 26, most of us went through different phase of first love, second love? maybe third? maybe just broken heart, maybe just a period of chaotic love affairs one after an other, maybe long abstinence. and probably after 26 some choose to finally settle down. other may already have children and being a parents which means you don't live just for yourself anymore. It's a complete shift of paradigm when someone else depend on you for survival. Your social circles change a lot too, slowly you befriend people based on your workplace, your hobbies, your political views rather than just sharing the same playground. Some of you can befriend people from lower or higher class that what you originally comes from, forcing you to understand new codes, new skills, new cultures, new languages. And when you almost reach your thirties you may experience for the first time the death of the elders from your community. A grandma, a grandpa who was there since you were born is now gone. The brevity of life suddenly slaps you in the face. Children thinks of themselves as eternal, not adult.

Birth, childhood, adulthood, love, deception, growth, rebirth, mourning, wisdom ect...Why do I say all of this? To describe the life of someone living in a relatively peaceful environment and born in a wealthy modern world which is all of us.

The fact that you are literate, you can read my words in english, you have an internet connection, a smartphone or a desktop, and the luxury to spend time on tumblr is a proof that you are relatively privileged comparing to the majority of people on Earth.

Now we are talking about Madara born into a traditional environment and during a war time when life was even shorter and fragile. Everything I've just described is basically done faster. At 15 you're already an adult, at 18 you have responsibilities as a breadwinner, at 26 you're a senior, head of clan, veteran of many war with all the trauma it drives, parents of many children, maybe widow, (not his case but for instance Tajima was). To put it into perceptive Madara at 26 lived the life of someone 40 years old in the modern world.

To pretend that Hashirama can cast out a a whole lifetime, and just hold to their childhood to build his dreamed village was indeed utterly naive. Between the moment he was elected hokage and the moment Madara shows him the Uchiha shrine, at least a whole year has passed, the relationship with Tobirama was still tense and the first hokage did nothing on purpose. Based on that, it's obvious that Hashirama never thought about discussing what Madara went throught the last 15 years of his life. He knew the child Madara but he completely brush off the adult Madara.

Yes they were close friend as children, but that were now two different persons with a separate background. Am I saying that their reconciliation was doomed from the start? No, they have healthy roots but it would have ask from both side to be more patient with each other and more attentive to what the other says rather than forcing a past childhood into the present.

@uchiha-event

[nsomniacsdream]

I was talking to some coworkers and they were saying "my daughter used to try the 'I didn't ask to be born thing' and I was always like 'I didn't either!'" But I think it actually is a pretty good argument?

We are forced into a million 'social agreements', from economic system to land ownership- no one living agreed to this, and if given the chance I would opt out of almost all of them because *our society is mostly stupid, made up by people to force their will on the rest of us*.

The only justification for 90 percent of the social contract is "because we have always done it like this" that's fuckin great! I still didn't agree to any of it. In any other situation, being forced to do a bunch of shit you never agreed to is slavery. But what other option do you have? "Go live in the woods" they will arrest you for that because you don't own those woods. You can't go anywhere. You can't even get out of your societies specific version of a hellscape without first participating enough to purchase passage out.

Our entire society is based on your not having a choice.

[xerith-42]

There is no normal to return to.

I'm going to return to normal, or as normal as I usually am on this blog. But that won't stop me from talking about this. I have quite a few reblogs and posts queued up to give some important thoughts I had while I was away in regards to... my usual content. But I also still have plenty of posts about Palestine and the ongoing situation, and I'll be doing everything I can to stagger updates on the funny haha block man stuff, and the actually serious stuff.

If there's another strike called for, I will likely participate in it. Maybe this means my content will be inconsistent and kinda... bursty I guess? But I'll take the hit to my usual stuff and just spend more time on it if I have to. I had fun over the winter break, but life is picking back up anyways. I'm not really returning to normal, I'm shifting to a new normal. And talking about this conflict and the ongoing situation will become part of this new normal for as long as it has to.

I was honored to see the kind of reach my words could have, and I appreciated the amount of people who engaged with my content for possibly the first and last time. Depends on if I have more wildly intense thesis' about the situation to share (I probably will). There's always a part of me that wants to resist "getting too political" but then I remember I'm a dyed hair multi pronouned genderfuck with revolutionary ideas like "people should just get to live their lives however they want without the threat of violence, oppression, or actual genocide." Just some crazy wokeist ideology that totally doesn't bleed out from my creative works at all.

Because my experiences with fiction and the real world don't influence each other at all. Not even a little.

I've had quite a few social media accounts become pretty politicized or even start that way unintentionally, mostly because I started social media accounts centered around art. And all art is political. All art is personal. All art is influenced by politics and by people. That's how art always has and always will exist. So I really shouldn't be surprised this would happen when I got onto Tumblr.

I don't mean to suddenly bear my soul and go on some vague esoteric rant about my state of existence in a system of systems designed to harm me placed onto one of many infinite planets capable of creating life in our ever expansive universe, but that's just how I am. That's just how humans are. My spaces are always going to become political because I as a person am politicized. Our world is politicized. We are politicized from the moment of our inception. From the moment that someone becomes aware of our life the decisions made about it are endlessly wrapped up in the collective of politics even if we are but one measly part of that greater or worse collective.

Even something as seemingly unimportant as Minecraft Roleplays are deeply personal and political pieces of art and unique life shaping experiences. Never let someone tell you that you're being "too political" because in our endlessly politicized world, that's like telling someone that they're being "too human". It's not annoying to care. It's not too political to care.

TLDR: Art is political, everything is political, and even if you plan on "returning to normal", know that you should instead adjust what you define as "normal" to include pertinent issues and be ready to adapt to it. People want you to believe that disruptions won't work, but money and numbers talk. Disruptions to core systems of the western society work. Never underestimate that. Maybe you couldn't do a lot for this one, but keep your eyes out for the next one. Set aside a few bucks to donate. Read some of the reports about the ongoing conflict from ethical sources unafraid to speak to the real atrocities. Even little things can add up.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

So, non-Greek learning Greek culture anon here :) I actually agree with what you said. Another thing I noticed is the use of rape in these modern retellings, too. I hope I can make sense here. Like, don't get me wrong. Rape is horrible and was seen as the norm in Ancient Greece. But the thing is, even if it was normalized, weren't there some men who didn't commit rape while there were some women who DID commit rape, not just men? The fact that it says in these retellings that all men are rapists while all women are not... I CAN'T. Besides, we also have that tragedy, The Trojan Women, that talks about their trauma and imprisonment from the war. I just think these retellings should look more into it than slap such a thing there. Hope that makes sense of what I'm trying to say.

100% ! These (often female) writers throw rape left and right - while pointing out that writers like J.R.R. Martin use it too much. Which one is it, then? Is too much rape and violence against women "realistic" or not?

These writers live in quite privileged societies and don't know how to depict patriarchal societies of that degree well. That's why, no matter how horrid the trauma they inflict in the female protagonists is, the narrative still comes out as pretentious and cuddled. Writing from a safe distance, they are.

In their mind the situation is all black and white because they ignore the nuances of being a woman in such a system. They ignore that in that system a woman raping her husband or a man in general (after slipping something on his drink for example) wasn't even a notion society had back then. So yes, the system of patriarchy is harmful to all but there are some unspoken perks for women that they don't even want to consider - because they can't, and because it would ruin the black and white narrative they have in their minds. Because how daaare anyone assume that a lot of women lived relatively happy and normal lives before 1980! We should all focus on their trauma and ignore their life's work and how hard each woman worked for her house and family.

I repeat, I don't believe the patriarchy to be a good system. I say that women - although being the disadvantaged class - had certain privileges and sometimes they were helped by those. They didn't have to go to war, they weren't called to court if they failed to provide for their family, they weren't exposed to battle and potential of slavery as much as men who were mostly Out There. They could obtain status and wealth just by marrying a man from another social class without having a business on their own (although they could have a business + their husband's money + the dowry they brought from home), they didn't have to learn a trade and get a job to be proved worthy of marriage, in the higher classes their male offspring enhanced their influence, etc etc. Western writers often fail to capture these nuances - how a woman's skills in running a household's finances and personnel as well as her talent in keeping people fed and clothed were highly valued, and how a woman could benefit from such a system or use it to harm someone. Our ancient ancestors knew in what society they lived in, and of course they showed this in their art - like in the Trojan Women play.

But, well, I suppose Sarah from Illinois knows best 😂

[mimikyuno]

not to be a stick in the mud but isn't people's identity the most important thing? if someone says they identify as something, than they identify as that and they know better than we do? if he says he is a boy... i've done all that, but the other way around as a very masculine girl, got harassed on the street and wore dresses at home bc my parent's scared me more than the world. then i grew up and a bunch of my friends started asking me when i was going to transition and started using they/them or he/him pronouns to refers to me bc i just needed to crack, but i've always just been gnc, but it took them awhile to stop. is every gnc person actually gender conforming trans people waiting to come out? idk about that

this message has a lot to address imo so. see under the cut

first things first. makoto used the term “otokonoko”, a word that yes can mean boy (男の子, with 子 = ko as in child), but in this context it's 男の娘 (娘 = ko as in daughter). this term has a heavy and long history, which i recommend reading about. otokonoko can and is often used to discuss crossdressing amab people, but it has also been used to describe pre-transition trans girls or just trans girls in the closet or even out trans girls (see luka from steins;gate, god that shit pisses me off so much). let's just say it's a term loaded with history and lacking in an actual definition, as far as i know. anime is full of “otokonoko’s” who are just trans girls trying to survive in a transphobic society that heavily associates sex and gender. once you start seeing the pattern of trans anime girls being denied their identity as women by being third gendered as an otokonoko it’s impossible to miss, and it becomes clear that “crossdressings boys” in anime are often just a more socially acceptable way to portray trans women. historically, trans women have been third gendered as a way to deny them their identity as women, and this third gendering can become internalized. that does not mean they are not trans women. next.

as someone who grew up as a tomboy, being a masculine presenting “girl” is much much different than being a feminine presenting “boy”. wearing “boy’s clothes” at school as a “girl” is not nearly as dangerous as wearing skirts as a “boy” (in most cases and places). and i say this as someone who got bullied as a gnc amab person might have been, as in, i was targeted by boys (and often got in violent physical altercations) and was called the f and t slur my whole childhood despite not being amab. imo you and i cannot really compare our situation to makoto’s, as neither of us is amab from my understanding.

i also want to address something you mentioned that bothers me, mostly based on the wording.

is every gnc person actually gender conforming trans people waiting to come out?

i really don't like how this is worded, as to me it almost implies that we live in a world wherein being a "gender conforming" trans person is more acceptable that being gnc. like im sorry your friends made u uncomfortable by implying you're an egg and im glad you got it sorted out but uhm. you understand your experience is not the norm, unless you have a queer social circle? like let's not be too chronically online here. we live in an insanely transphobic society... another reason why i dont like this sentence is that i have recently seen a lot of discourse (ofc mostly aimed at trans women bc they're the default hate target) about how being non binary / gnc is more "progressive" and "radical" than being a binary trans woman, because they fit in the gender binary, which we want dismantled. im not even gonna get into how braindead this whole conversation is, i suggest you follow some transfems (who have not been nuked lol) and learn more about this from them. if you did not mean this sentence this way i apologize, but i wanted to mention why i disliked the wording.

back to makoto. based on episode 1 alone, if we look at other anime and manga with otokonoko's and the history of the term, and we see how withdrawn and socially shunned makoto is, how her identity is womanhood and manhood is her mask, it becomes clear that she's a pre-transition trans girl. i did not read the manga but i know for a fact makoto also later displays signs of gender dysphoria in relation to puberty. i also know that in the latter part of the story, the author fumbles the bag, so to speak, tho i am not sure how precisely, as im avoiding spoilers. this is when it's time to don our media comprehension glasses on. let me make a comparison with autistic representation in media. authors often write autistic characters and when asked about it, they deny it. or later in the story, a character loses their autistic traits with no explanation. in these situations, is the character autistic? the way i see it, my answer would be "yes, despite authorial ignorance". in this sense, yes, i do think makoto was meant to be a trans girl, written by an author who showed shortcomings due to ignorance and poor research. but we are not talking about late manga chapters, but about episode 1. and based on it, makoto is clearly a trans girl, as all contextual clues lead to that conclusion.

when i mention "media literacy" as an issue, i am using this show as an example, as this is a trend i have seen a lot. part of media literacy is also integrating what we know of the social, cultural and political environment in which an author writes a story. in this specific case, understanding the social position and history of trans women in japanese society and japanese media is key to understanding makoto's identity beyond authorial intent and vocabulary. imo.

tl;dr: to answer your questions. is every gnc person a binary trans person? no. is makoto a trans girl? also yes, based on episode 1 alone. based on the history of the term otokonoko (男の娘), past representation of trans womanood and gender non conformity in japanese media, and on contextual clues in the story, makoto fits the bill as a closeted trans girl. are you not trans just because you have not realised it yet?

[pb-dot]

Peebs Vent: Mental Health Care

People who follow this lil' blog with some regularity may have picked up on the oh-so-subtle theme of Peebs having some Mental Health Challenges. These days, I'm basically in some sort of treatment limbo since my last therapist retired, and we basically got to the point that he doesn't really know what to do about me anyway. So, as one often does with problems that people don't know the answer to, I've escalated it up to the public healthcare service. Around here, this is usually a good thing since these services are pretty good at establishing a goal-oriented treatment plan and getting people through that.

People with average or better reading comprehension may have noted that I said it's usually a good thing, and I say this because for me it hasn't really worked out so far. You see, the poor dears don't seem to know what to do about me either, as one consultation to establish the abovementioned plan turned into two and now three, and I have no real idea about how long this is going to go on.

This time around, the psychiatrist who I spoke with questioned me about what I'd do if I got the message that they couldn't help me. This one is a particular fear of mine, and I spent some time explaining why, how I find life teetering right on the brink of the unmanageable, and how I need something, anything really, to be wrong that can be fixed because I don't see myself surviving in the world as it appears to me, and frankly I don't see anyone else doing it either.

It's pretty grim stuff, and I find myself wondering if I should change track a bit. It is true that I find myself relying on something to change, for someone to figure out my medication situation, for someone to help me with the goddamned anxiety that makes social interactions with all but my closest friends a nightmare, for someone to help me manage the dark thoughts and compulsive need to be a people pleaser, for an employer who isn't perfectly content with letting me work myself into burnout again.

I'm not asking for the world on a platter here. I'm asking to be provided with the tools to ensure my own survival and good health. Nobody has to help me pull myself out of this hole that the years have dug in my psyche, just get me a rope and I'll do it my fucking self. Mais non. No can do. We're really flummoxed by this whole "hole" situation despite our business ostensibly being holes (phrasing?)

So I've been thinking, maybe it's time to stop thinking of this as an existential threat to myself. If nothing else, maybe reframing it a bit would help with the anxiety. Parts of me already think of this attempt at getting me into treatment that actually does anything as Society's last chance to avoid me turning into a Problem. I don't like taking up space in other people's lives or being any kind of problem or bother, it's a bad habit that years of anxiety and being somewhat of an outcast might get you, but maybe it's what's needed here.

I could be quite the problem if I put my mind to it I'm pretty sure. I come from a long line of stubborn farmers and even more stubborn bureaucrats, and I don't exactly think I'd be easier to deal with if I stopped pouring all this anger and disappointment into myself and started turning it outward. Is it reasonable? Maybe not, but it's not exactly great for me to internalize it either and that hasn't stopped me before.

So, I ask myself. Why not. Why not become a pain in the ass? Why not make my problems into the world's problems. Why not become disruptive and stubborn and pour my every waking moment into making dealing with me in a quiet and painless way impossible? I wouldn't change anything I'm pretty sure, but it's not like my current approach is doing any better in that regard.

This isn't to say I look forward to my villain era, such as it is. Truth is, I don't particularly want to, mostly because being a disruptive asshole sounds both emotionally and mentally taxing, but also because I just find my temperament not vibing well with that kind of thing. It's not a perfect solution, but I guess it's at least not wanting to bring harm to myself? I suppose that is something.

Either way, I'm not done with these endless assessments, so there's always the hope that I end up actually getting some help. In related news, there's always the chance I'll win the lottery.

[palidoozy-art]

Before the campaign. Our Rahadin's a... decent guy now, but he still took part in and is partially responsible for two separate genocides of his species. The reason the party has been willing to redeem him is because it was over four centuries ago and they've concluded that if Barov and Strahd weren't in the picture he probably wouldn't have engaged in it. But that's still... he still did it. This character has been interesting to play (for me, at least) because he is a man that did grotesquely dogshit things... but instead of dying to redeem himself, he chose to face the consequences and try to fix things in spite of that. (also, let's be real -- RP is often an escapist fantasy. Me and my players like redemption arcs, dammit)

Rosen was raised as a lawful good kid. He's a half elf -- but he's half dusk elf, a species of people that have been effectively wiped off the map. He is the first dusk elven child born in that area in... centuries. So he wants to learn more about himself, and that side of him. Rahadin never spoke of it much -- he's awkward in social situations and he was in the lower castes of that society, so his experiences were less positive. And plus like... Rahadin didn't want to impart his biases onto his kid. It sucks to look at a bright-eyed kid and be like "actually, that society sucked ass and tried to execute me, and also if we lived in that society currently and you were born I would be stoned to death for bestiality and you would probably be drowned." So he just didn't talk about it.

So Rosen sought out other sources. The problem is that the other dusk elves in their town were either 1) not alive or old enough during the height of that society (Kasimir, for instance) or 2) part of the upper castes that benefitted greatly and never saw the darker parts. They, too, have their biases. One of these people that fell into the latter camp was Serafim. One of the former kings.

So Serafim took Rosen under his wing and taught the kid glorious things about his people. Things that a kid would want to hear. I don't think it was a direct manipulation -- but you generally want to tell a kid more good things than bad. So that's what Serafim focused on, and it gave Rosen this idealistic view of how that society was, and all the culture and magic that someone closer to the top would experience.

Eventually, though, a kid is going to ask why that society doesn't exist anymore. What happened to those great towers, those beautiful stone palaces, those libraries full of magic and knowledge? And it's hard to leave Rahadin out of that. Kasimir and Kjosev tried to be polite and work around that by mostly laying the blame on Barov and Strahd. But Serafim doesn't owe Rahadin that. Nobody really does.

So Rosen learned through Serafim that his father initiated the downfall of this beautiful, wondrous, magical society, and he confronted him about that. And to Rahadin -- what do you say to that? You can justify parts of it -- the first time Rahadin was angry after being executed and Barov took things further than Rahadin would have ever done on his own. But the second? "I was still angry and I loved Strahd and I was just following orders" doesn't cut it.

So Rahadin didn't justify it. He didn't even attempt to tell his side, because he almost overcorrected and assumed that'd come off like blaming the victims. And there's not really any effective apology he can give. So he just... accepted and acknowledged it. And while that reflects good growth of Rahadin as a character -- to Rosen that's kind of... cool story! still genocide.

So they fell apart. Rahadin gave him distance -- partly because he didn't know what to do, and partly because he feels an obligation to let people be mad at him for his crimes... so Rosen turned more to Serafim, which in turn imparted more bias into him. Rosen feels a lot more positively about Ireena than Rahadin, obviously -- but he's a stubborn teenager and has a very 'if you're not with me you're against me' attitude. So he views his mom as being kind of complicit in Rahadin's crimes and dislikes her for that. All of the children have magic mirrors they use to communicate with their parents back home, and the only person who hasn't touched his a single time is Rosen. He still carries his childhood blanket Ireena gave him, though (which he tries to pass off as not that to the party for comedic effect).

It is my hope that eventually Rosen will not despise his dad so much, but I don't know how that's going to happen. It might never. So who knows! Character development, woo!

(Side note: Vamira, one of Ellerian's triplets, fucking adores Rahadin -- to the point that she effectively treats him as her own father and Rahadin gifted her a reforged version of his old sword. He taught her everything he knew about swordfighting and helped rehabilitate her after she got disfigured from a hellhound. She and Rosen come into conflict over this... often).

(Additional side note: one of the things I was working on, though haven't had time to finish, was a small comic where Kjosev actually tells Rahadin the likely outcome of raising his kid as a good person -- that he'll likely despise Rahadin for what he's done -- and if he's willing to accept that. Rahadin does. It is a consequence, but Rahadin raises his son to be just... even if it results in his son loathing him).

[rissi-chan]

Patreon Launch!

Hey, fellow fanatics!

I decided to finally take the plunge and launch a Patreon for my art (fanart and original) and writing (fanfic and original). Both becaue it will motivate me to draw and write more often, and because of my current life situation (which will be explained as best I can under the cut, for those that care to read).

There will be NSFW content in certain pledges, so MDNI with the subscription levels that include that stuff!

Fanart will mostly be BG3 as that is my most recent and current hyperfixation, but other fandoms I am likely to produce content from include:

Dungeons and Dragons, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Touchstarved

AND potentially the occasional/rare otome/dating sim fandoms, Fire Emblem, and various anime and/or manga.

Along with original content and characters that live in my head rent free!

I will also most likely periodically do commissions—but I will have to set up a pricing breakdown/separate web page for that, probably.

Here is the link to my freshly launched page!:

Now, the life ramble that explains my current situation:

So, life is hard.

I've been lucky. I don't pay rent (I still live with my mother). I only have to help pay for groceries on occasion. I have a job (barely, but we'll get into that) with probably the most freedom/flexibility on could possibly imagine. I have free time—loads.

So what's the problem?

The job I mentioned is hard to really call a job. I'm all but officially unemployed. My parents (when my dad was still alive) bought the local newspaper that my mom has worked at for nearly as long as I've been alive. We live in a small, SMALL town. The run of each weekly issue is maybe in the 2,000-4,000 range. We make most of our money selling ads (which is gross, but the newspaper industry is failing in general, and we are a just a local, rural print and many choose other, more advanced forms of advertisement which reach a broader audience). We've been in the red for the past 2 years, my mother often skipping her own pay check to ensure that she can pay the 2 other elderly employees that are on staff. I make less than $400 a month. Much less.

That's the price you pay for freedom. Little pay, LOTS of time. The reverse is also true, which is something I'm sure a vast majority of people can relate to.

Capitalism is so much fun, isn't it?

Those that are out of college and live with a parent may also be able to relate to what comes next.

The relationship between my mother and I has always had its strained moments, to put it mildly. We are very different people. We have different life experiences, we cope with stress differently. There is a running joke on social media that living with your parents after college/as an adult has the financial advantages, but at the cost of your mental health—and that is very much the reality of our situation.

My biggest insecurity in recent years—since the sudden passing of my father in 2018—has been the feeling of being a burden.

I've never been a healthy person. We always joke that I got all the sickly genetics and my brother got all the cosmic bad luck. I'm autistic. I have anxiety and depression. I have an autoimmune disease. I inherited the genetic heart condition that killed my father. I had a blood clot 2 years ago. I no longer have health insurance. None of this is uncommon, certainly. But I avoid healthcare entirely unless it's an absolute necessity (like the blood clot).

I limit my eating, so we don't have to buy groceries as often.

But my mother has always had a temper, especially when she's stressed. And with the business so up-in-the-air and the constant worry of having to close our doors and find new jobs in a VERY small town + in a society with very limited options, spam job listings, and bogus opportunities, she is almost ALWAYS stressed these days.

She takes it out on me. I'm the only one here.

My feelings of being a burden are all but confirmed for me in those moments. She knows just what to say to hurt me most (whether she realizes it or not, she uses my insecurities against me), and my mental and emotional health worsen, as does the relationship between my mother and I.

I play games or draw or write to feel happy. To have some reprieve from reality.

But "it doesn't make money" and therefore it's a waste of time.

And that brings me to where I am now.

I may make next-to-nothing by launching a Patreon, but it will still be more than the next-to-nothing I make now as well as the LITERAL nothing I will be making if the business is forced to close.

I continue to job hunt on a daily basis, mostly for remote work given my middle-of-nowhere location (if anyone knows of any legit positions I could look into PLEASE let me know—send me a PM, reply to this post, anything). But this will both motivate me to keep doing the things that make me happy and also provide a tiny bit of support to our financial situation.

I have also been in a long distance relationship going on 9 years now. Long distance as in nearly 9,000 miles and an entire ocean away. I try to visit every year, but obviously during Covid that was not an option (totally and completely understandable), and with our finances so precarious, it gets more and more difficult to see my now (as of my visit last year) fiance.

If I can manage to get the money together, we plan to elope during my visit this year. But our future is undeniably going to be difficult without money. Moving isn't cheap. Immigrating isn't easy.

But that's all on the back-burner for now, while we address the more immediate concerns.

I am motivated to do what I can to make ANY extra money while looking for a legitimate job to provide a more stable situation.

Any support—a reblog, a share, a pledge/subscription, a job listing suggestion, ANYTHING will be MASSIVELY appreciated.

I know life is difficult for pretty much everyone on the planet right now. If we could all help each other easily, we would. But I understand that that's not an easy ask for most people at this point in time. I hate having to resort to monetizing my passions, and asking people for support (not pressuring, but even asking is hard in the current state of the world).

But I see few other options.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my rant and please reblog/share <3

[mad-scientist-enthusiast]

This may piss some people off, but idrc.

Given recent events in the US I see a lot of violent rhetoric being pushed by leftists, and I feel like it's important to evaluate our own beliefs on utilitarianism.

In leftist spaces we generally combat the utilitarian beliefs that certain individuals are more important/have more value than others. There's a general acknowledgement that those in higher positions, or who hold more privilege are treated as if they do hold more value by our society, and that this is very flawed. We recognize the issues in assigning MORE worth to some people and not to others. And we like to think we personally wouldn't assign value to people, yet as soon as someone does something we don't agree with (morally or otherwise) we switch gears. I'm not saying to be nice to everyone that we disagree with, but I am saying that everyone, even those who have done the most vile and unforgivable things have an intrinsic value as a human being, and deserve to be treated like one. For example, we know that the American prison system is fucked and actively detains and strips the rights from the poor and disadvantaged. And generally, we don't seem to fault the individuals, looking instead to the system. We advocate for rehabilitation of prisoners because we still see them as humans worthy of life. But when someone does commit a crime that is seen as irredeemable, that changes. Then it's okay that their rights are taken. It's okay if we misgender them. Hell, it's even okay if they are killed, because they've lost that value to us now. Do you see where I am going with this?

Recently I've seen self-proclaimed leftists saying in TIKTOK COMMENTS that they would love to see someone go on a manhunt to kill Nex Bennedict's killers. And while I obviously do not condone their actions, I hope it doesn't sound crazy for me to say that I don't think this is right?? It's unfair that they killed Nex Bennedict, but it is also not fair of us to sentence these teenagers to death because we have determined that they have lost the ability to be valued as a human being. What they did is unforgivable, but that doesn't mean we should strip them of their humanity because of this.

As humans, our worth should not be equated to the worst thing we've ever done. We all have worth because we are human. Assigning worth to people based on anything else is such a slippery slope because it's so arbitrary of a concept. If we can agree that all killers lose their value and deserve to die, then we'd have to define what specific circumstances makes someone a "killer." Otherwise, that might include accidental killings or self defense. But even then, this ignores the possibility that people can and very often do change. How do we judge someone's worth on something we can't all agree upon? It hurts to say that a killer deserves the basic right to life when you know that their victim absolutely did too. But they deserve to live and exist just as much as we all do.

And yes, killing can be substituted in for anything here that we find ourselves devaluing others based upon. No one deserves death. No one's life is any more or less important than anyone else's.

I would like to specify that there IS nuance to this, and not every situation is just black and white. By violence I am mostly referring to the sentiment that some people deserve death or deserve to be killed. I am not referring to violence in general, or violence against oppressive systems/individuals as I am aware that social change is destructive and that sometimes that requires violence. I know that I specified self defense mentioning the broad definition of a killer, and that is regarding the fact that in some cases killing someone else is legally and/or societally just. That being said, even someone killed in self defense did not deserve to die.

These conversations are difficult to have because it's not something we really want to accept. There are some horrible people in the world who do horrible things. But they are human too.

[b4n3n4]

The consequences of capitalism 

1. What the hell is capitalism 

Our friend capitalism was born in the 15th century after the fall of feudalism succeeding the maritime expansion in Europe (for those who do not know or aren't sure what the word means, it is the ruling of society by nobility in which the peasants did all the labor in exchange for not even minimal conditions in the said lords land), baptized by philosophers in the 18th century as commercial or pre capitalism, it is commonly described as the emergence of currency as an exchange value as well as the start of a new social class: the bourgeoisie with a special interest in precious metals and enrichment. 

1.1 Modern capitalism 

Modern-day capitalism or self-proclaimed financial capitalism started in the 20th century, with the same basis as commercial capitalism but with a twist, the investment in stocks, bonds, and other descendants or slight derivations as well as of course private stuff like property and private control of production (or what is more known as insane prices for no fucking reason), this is what we will dive into today as I was bored to death in college and had to write about something. I'm sorry 

1.2 So...what goes on 

Even tho we don't realize it consumerism is the foundation of all (or at least most) of our routine activities, think about it, we wake up in a bed we bought, we eat breakfast we bought, we go somewhere like work or college to gain financial wealth, etc, this happens because we live in a consumerist society, everything revolves around money or exchange in some way, it's our way to communicate with our peers, boss, kids, loved ones. The generation of wealth and obtention of goods has brought us a lot of pros and cons, here I can resume some of the pros: oooo sparkly gloss  

Now onto the cons 

1.3 Hell on Earth 

Not to be biased, because it's well known if you have been following my page that I have beliefs rooted in existentialism, but the cons of consumerism have been devastating, to say the least, let's look at some:  

With the scary-ass worker wages, the poor get even poorer, and the rich even richer, by letting the big companies decide freely how much each product is without regulation, the meager prices like Shein has means mass production (underpaid overworked 3rd world country workers), this also has its results, as consumers indulge in mass buying because of the low prices and get shitty products that go straight to the trash or do not get put to their use, then we have the other side of the coin, extremely high prices, on mostly necessary good like food, hygiene and such, this ends up making the situation for regular or minimum wage workers a living hell.  

So let us simplify: you are overworked, and underpaid by your rich boss, and basic needs prices are extremely high, barely living.  

This is a vicious cycle of working to be able to buy necessities or in some cases completely unnecessary shit that's marketed and bought because it's cheap, being in a situation where you need more money to live, so you go work.  

Even tho it's centuries apart, have we changed? Has slavery stopped? Has anything become more evolved besides how we produce shit, are we just what we buy and sell and nothing more? 

[elfowl-42]

Just accidentally reblogged a "Gender critical" "radfem" post about "Why can't pro-trans people define "what is a woman" without being sexist, why it is so hard to say 'adult human female'." Because I genuinely thought it was a pro-trans take, and had to re-read it, to get what they were actually trying to say. Because yes, to me I am female, I am a woman. I would say that I fit the definition "Adult human female." We disagree so fully on the definitions of words that we would say the exact same things and mean something completely different.

I do not understand what is sexist about saying "A woman is someone who identifies as a woman" It is literally treating all biological sexes the same. It's more inclusive since it includes intersex people. Do they think it's sexist because I'm saying "Anyone can be a woman but only biological males can be men"? Because I don't think that. My definition of a man is "Someone who identifies as a man."

There are women born with penises, and I'm not even talking about people with XY chromosomes who transition, I'm talking about people with XX chromosomes, who have both the phenotype and genotype to look perfectly female, but for whatever reason they have a penis instead of a vagina. They grow up being seen as a girl, facing the same misogyny and social pressures as any other AFAB person in our society. Why would anyone tell them that they aren't a woman that their experience is invalid, that they don't belong to this group, because of a few cubic inches of flesh?

This same person was claiming that the term "Lesbian" is being destroyed by people claiming that lesbians can like people with penises. As far as I know, lesbian is defined as "A woman who is sexually attracted to other women." If the woman from the example above is sexually attracted to women, why would you try to exclude her from the spaces designed to protect and nurture people like her? Do you think she should be forced into male exclusive spaces? Do you really want to throw intersex people under the bus, just to be able to exclude trans women because they haven't been seen as women their whole lives?

I know that I have benefitted from male privilege for most of my life, and still do whenever I decide to go out en masc, since I pass as cis. I mostly likely still benefit from it somewhat when I go out en fem, since I don't pass as female yet. I'm trying my best to stop benefitting from that privilege whenever it is safe to do so. (I'll readily admit to trying to hold onto it when it comes to situations where it's a matter of safety. I hope you won't begrudge me that, I understand if you do, but that does make you an asshole. I wish I could give you that same safety) And it is my responsibility to support the voices of my sisters when I can on issues that don't affect me. To not talk over them, and to raise up their views and voices on abortion, mensuration and mensural products, birth control, the wage gap, and women's rights.

Please don't misconstrue this as me saying "I'm a woman so all lesbians have to be attracted to me." because they don't. Everyone is allowed to not be attracted to other people for any reason. It's not something we can control (or do you say that sexual attraction is a choice now?) If you're not attracted to penises specifically, that's fine, if you're not attracted to me specifically, that's fine. If you're not attracted to trans people specifically, I'd ask you to make sure it's not because of a misconception of us as a threat, or any less of our gender than cis people, but if not, that's perfectly fine. But womanhood is not defined solely by biology. No one is not a lesbian because they're attracted to me, and I'm not not a lesbian because of how I was born. Or do you really want to go back to the misogynistic idea that all a woman is is a vagina, a womb, and a pair of tits?

[the-queerview]

Priscilla, 2023

by Sofia Coppola

Well how couldn't I write about Priscilla.

Where do we start. As a millenial dirtbag I grew up with Coppolas Virgin Suicides, Lost in Translation and Marie Antoinette. All films fetishizing young girls. Around the 2010 there weren't many female filmmakers present, and we could say that Sofia Coppolas films were therefore as much creating a certain tumblr aesthetic, that reminds of teengirls/horsegirl fantasies, thou there weren't horses, as well as depicting a certain type of white girl, her characters mostly malenourished, blond, dreamy. What a cis men could connect trough our male gazed history as pedophile lolita-aesthetic (thanks nabokov. fuck you), would be read trough my pre-coming out gaze as something I wanna be and therefor something I realize at the end desire. Coppolas characters are those lost babes, that are bored and sad, intellectually unchallanged, and living in bizarre patriarchical structures ( thinking of the Character in Lost in translation, living isolated in Tokio because of her photographer boyfriend) or Marie Antoinette, who lives in an arranged marriage with a King, she barely knows. All those babes I want to save, I wanna take them out of the social prisons and have fun with them, and thats what those characters are basically doing in Sofias films. They escape trough different ways, and still they are all highly commercialized, superficial product value oriented, fashion films. Here we realize, that I'm bought as much as in the idea of the patriarchical constructed princess peach syndrom ( I'm supermario saving princess peach) as much as Sofia Coppolas films are in any way feminist or questioning this order.

Well so lets roast Priscilla.

I was actually very excited to see the film, especially interested in the costumes and how Coppola would deal with this grooming tale. Just a little background info: Priscilla Presley was 14 years old and Elvis was 24, when the grooming process happened. They married when she was 21 , but Priscilla started living isolated at Presley's Graceland, when she was 17/18. Elvis brought her into contact with amphetamines and sleeping pills and yeah basically groomed that kid.

The film itself is beautifully shot, as viewers we are very much following up the story out of Priscillas perspective. The prison in form of the Graceland ranch, is present here as well. Her feelings of isolation and lonelyness ( Priscilla is not allowed to have friends during her stay with Elvis) is depicted trough many close up of details, like the carpet in the house, scenes of her dog, details of her doing Make up. The control freak Elvis is treating her like a doll, and decides on her looks and dresses, who she talks to, where she even goes to school to. It's BIZARRE. But yeah all those tik tok kids out there imitating the 50s/60s fashion looks right, ITS BAD. those times were bad, and we queers would all be in prison. It's scary my dear readers. Watching time period films to me is always such a strange experience.

Anyways back to the film. So the film is dealing with Priscillas life from the moment she meets and leaves Elvis, and thats basically it. We see her adolesence passing in the prison of Elvis, and the film therefore reminds me of an old, pink stamp. It's not life changing, but beautifully filmed, like an ass log prada commercial, but also its pace is very slow, but not to slow. It's definetly an arthouse film, and I wished she had the freedom in her music choices like in her earlier works, as an example indie music and converse in Marie Antoinette.

I also thought a lot about if Coppola is actually bi/gay anything? Like she has as a certain way of depicting women, very sensual camerashoots, mellow color grading, pastell light situations, also FEET, like details. Personal theory since I witness that a lot in films made by women, this obsession with details. I feel like since we live in a patriarchical society and women were for a long time considered less smart ( educational systems, the performance of women in scientific fields worldwide is : Across the world, roughly 33% of persons employed in science research are female. The highest share is in Central Asia at 48.5% and the lowest in South and West Asia at 23.1%) SO in my theory they are so intellectually underchallanged, that they develop an obsession with details :D

But yeah the film is respectful towards the character of Priscilla, who came herself to the premiere, because the rape scene with Elvis is not depicted. It's still thou not really moving me in any way. Like I end up with the same feeling, while watching the film, I wanna kick Priscillas ass and tell her to leave and have her youth and not be in this prison. But it's not my position and as my experience being a human in this planet, not everybody want to be saved, like you can only help someone in a toxic relationship if the person asks and wants your help. So the film is evoking again those princess peach thoughts within me. I wish for Sofia Coppola to make once a film about a women, who doesn't live in a prison and maybe saves herself. Within this, babes be strong be brave out there and take care.

yours,

the queerview