#but cats don’t eat nuts so they just hold the nuts

[kuchipark]

all is fair in war and kooch

[diejager]

I loved your hybrid bunny reader:) like imagine any cod characters with Feral! hybrid wolf reader that they found on a mission or something. I don’t really care where it goes from there

(Just deleted it if your not interested)

Wolfie

Pairing: CoD men x feral!Wolf!hybrid!reader

Cw: uh… feral reader? Tell me if I missed any. wc: 1.8k

It was a recon mission, scouring the area for any trap and stragglers, not a scantily-clothed hybrid with sharp ears curving backwards in aggression and the matted and dirty fur on the tail. They were searching the forested area for danger and any surprises, but they hadn’t expected to pick up a stray, a feral wolf huddled into the darkness of a tree’s roots, growling at them from your little hideout between the roots in the pit you dug yourself.

Soap was the first to take the initiative, crouching down to your home, showing you his empty hands and whispering comforting promises to your growling and shaking figure. He slowly approached you, a smile spread wide on his face despite the increasingly loud growls and the raised hair on your ears and tail. His soft smile and comforting hand coaxed you out of your hideout, crawling out on your hands and knees, palms bloodied and crusted with calluses and knees hard with throbbing and irritated skin.

Although you seemed more approachable, Gaz did so from the side, his gentler and more logical thinking had him act more hesitantly towards you, a bit more cautious and fearing that he’d scare you away or make you act out if you were spooked. He’d seen a few hybrids in the past, getting to know some quips and behaviours of a hybrid. He has a bag of peanuts, showing you the unopened packet of salted nuts for you to eat, to which you perked up with curiosity. Gaz’s smile grew much wider when your shaky hands took his gift, sharp claws ripping a hole into the plastic to grab a peanut.

From then on, they kept you, ushering you to their temporary base and having you washed from all the dirt and soot that stuck on you from your days in the wilderness, lost, alone and afraid. They took you in, watching over you with a guarded and protective hold. You moved when they moved, joining them on every flight if they were going to use a temporary base until you were trained in combat and tactics to join them in the field. Ghost personally saw to your training, being hands-on and attentive with you, hands holding you or moving you into the right position or giving you cues.

When you’re qualified enough, Price gave you a proud ruffle, messing up your while he smiled pridefully at your accomplishment. He let you cuddle up with him that night, nose pressing against the skin under his jaw with soft crooning from your throat, bathing him in your scent before you went to the others. It was a ritual you often did every few days, snuggling against them and scenting them.

Gaz in the morning, after breakfast and before he went to do his drill. Soap after the drills and fresh out of the shower, cuddling up to him in the Task Force’s rec room. Ghost in the afternoon, when the place was calmer and him, less stressed and tense from the day's work, tiredly working on some paperwork while you snuggled up to him. Finally, Price when he went to sleep, his bed became your bed during these nights.

You meet Alejandro and Rodolfo on another Joint Task Force Op in Mexico to bust a trafficking ring led by the cartel and supported by many international groups around the world, whom you’ll have to take down one by one in their times. You were tasked with tracking the trafficked people rather than having any K9s, your nose and mind sharper than any dog could be, trained and skillful as well.

You were on edge when you first landed, shoulders squared and head held high, posturing your possession of your team. They stared at you, confused with your sudden change of attitude, from relaxed and grinning to aggressive and protective, until they saw a few dog hybrids and cat hybrids running around. You could smell them from the moment you landed, most were domesticated animals, but there were a few ocelots, jaguars, coyotes and pumas, yet no wolves.

Rudy was openly praising you, welcoming you the moment they saw you pop out behind the men. He thought you were a dog, maybe a husky, so when you snarled at him for touching your ears, he backed away, shocked, but not offended. Price explained that you were a wolf hybrid, coat thicker and courser than the soft fur of a husky, but it could become softer after a shower with conditioner on your tail and ears. Ultimately, you let him pet and touch you after he won your respect, trusting him enough to let your guard down and doze off beside him. Maybe you’d scent him one day, adding him to your pack, he’d like that.

Alejandro’s professionalism kept him at a distance, restraining his excitement and giddiness of meeting the 141’s hybrid, their first one. Unlike Rudy, whose rank was closer to yours, Alejandro had to keep in mind that he was a colonel from a foreign military and a stranger to you. He waited until the first expedition, watching the men depend on your cognitive abilities. You were sharper than the dog or coyote hybrids the Los Vaqueros had, you stalked like a wolf, you hunted, acted and killed like one, fast and ruthless. He could outwardly say that he admired your skills, and how well taught you were (to which you smiled and stuck to Ghost, showing Alejandro that Ghost had been the one to train you). 

By the time the Op in Mexico came to term, you felt dejected at leaving, head lowered and ears pointing downward, you were pouting up until you were strapped down, lips pulled in a frown and teary puppy eyes. Alejandro kissed your calloused knuckles and Rudy brought you in his arms, embracing you, they let you scent them one last time before you left, promising that it wouldn't be the last time you see them.

In an unfortunate - or fortunate - turn of events, SpecGru and KorTac had the same objective, meeting up to form a temporary alliance between both PMCs. Unlike your PMC, KorTac was actively recruiting hybrids for their skill set and abilities, so you clashed a lot with the allied hybrids. You clashed with Roze and Horangi a few times, growling at the cougar and tiger hybrid. You outwardly showed your distrust and aggression towards them, wanting to protect your pack even though you knew they were your allies, you just couldn’t ignore your instincts. Even König, the giant bear hybrid, wasn’t free of your aggression, it was laughable to see the smaller wolf hybrid bare their teeth at the giant bear hybrid - a Kodiak bear. 

Ghost would scruff you, holding you back from jumping at them (although he wanted to let you tear through them) until you calmed down, and when you did, seeing past your aggression and protective mindset, you were great company. The Kodiak bear was a ball of anxiety compared to your more sociable character, nearly flinching back when you popped out beside him, smile wide and friendly as he blinked through his shock. He’s the first you befriend, having a lot in common with your sharp senses and predatory needs, seemingly feral rather than calm like the feline predators in KorTac. You were even tempted to ask König to be a part of your pack, wanting to snuggle up with him and co-scent, letting him drown you in his musk and him in your softer pheromones. 

Horangi was a bit harder to approach, his demeanour much too different from yours, but he tolerated you until he didn’t have a choice but to like you with how often König spoke about you and how much he smelled like you. You were a bit too rambunctious and feral for him, but he managed, letting you sit next to him while he cleaned his guns, head tilted to the side and staring at him like a curious pup would. If he forgot the times you shot and growled at him, he found you adorable, from your little shows of possessiveness to your feral aggression when you ripped into an enemy. He wouldn’t let you scent him like König did, but he wasn’t against the idea of scenting you, marking you as his property.

Even the solitary Roze and Mace warmed up to you, watching you run around the base doing something because you couldn’t sit still and do nothing, you had to be in movement and busy, but still stalking and observant, it helped you stay alive in the wilderness. She would flash a smirk your way when you did something that demanded her approval, whispering with Callisto - a posh cat, feline in her manners - about your job well done. “Comme un petit chiot,” the Frenchwoman would laugh. 

Mace reminded you of Ghost with his metallic skull strapped to his face, something that eased you into liking him, but he was human, unlike the many hybrids you often sparred with. He didn’t have a nose that could smell you from a distance or ears that could hear you stalk behind him, Mace was much easier to get to know than any enemy hybrids. No silent rivalry or competition for dominance between predators, he was simply human and more understanding. 

Working alongside other hybrids was something you had to learn, to hold good communication and trust, good thing wolves were sociable and pack animals. It was a learning experience for you, with Horangi teaching you how to control your ferality, to be calmer and less reckless, and with König mentoring you into using your wildness to hunt better, similarly to how he bulldozes into the enemies and ambushing them with a violent entrance. It was a surprise to see you as dejected to see them leave as you did with Los Vaqueros, fated to go back to being rivals until the time called for another allegiance.   

Extra: 

Nikolai had brought someone from the disbanded armistice back to work with the Task Force, a chaotic and violent man exiled from the KSK. Sebastian Krueger was a man who could and would create chaos and laugh while he did, but he was also rational and intuitive. In other words, Krueger was a menace to society and a perfect match for you. He greeted you like an owner would greet his dog, ruffling you and cooing at you with praises and affection. He was unaffected by your growling and biting, welcoming it with a boisterous laugh while he loomed over you with a veiled face and wide shoulders. 

You’d mistake him for a bear hybrid if you didn’t know any better. With his strong build and violent attitude, he could’ve been a grizzly, but no, he was a human with a grizzly’s behaviour. He was rough on the edge and caring at heart, much like König, but he wasn’t socially crippled, Krueger was a solitary person, preferring his solitude and quietness. That, however, doesn’t stop him from whisking you away to his side, a large hand on your thigh to keep you next to him and manhandling you as he pleased to nuzzle and bite like a chew toy. 

Taglist: @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @tallmanlover @distracteddragoness @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @konigsblog @havoc973

[hemipenal-system]

aww, what’s the matter? why are you crying?

you’re scared? what of, morsel?

me? why are you scared of me? you asked me to hold you in my mouth until we got somewhere warmer, and my mouth is plenty warm…

don’t worry about me, morsel… i’m your friend, i would never eat you… at least not permanently.

hey, hey, no, don’t worry! i said i wouldn't hurt you and i meant it!

come out? i'm sorry, morsel, i can't let you out yet! it's so cold out here you'd practically freeze to death if i let you out! besides, all that saliva you're soaked with now... it'd just make you colder. i think it's best if i just hold on to you for now.

besides, i think you're enjoying this more than you want to admit to me.

oh, come on. you think i can't feel how you squirm when i curl my tongue along your back? how you grab onto my teeth desperately when i curl it over you and scrape the rough side against your bare legs?

you know, my tongue was designed with a purpose. every part of a creature as beautiful as me is. those hard keratin spikes you enjoy so much? they’re meant to grind against bigger creatures than you, shearing flesh from bone and slathering what’s left in enzyme-loaded saliva that begins to melt you down to bone shadows even before you’re swallowed…

oh, no, not for you. you’re very small, small enough i could swallow you whole. you’d like it more that way, wouldn’t you? alive and conscious for the whole thing?

yes, morsel, i know why you were so eager to climb into my mouth- and i know it’s not fear of heights like you claimed. we may be a mile above the ground with only my wings and internal fire to sustain us, but my blood runs through me everywhere and my claws would have been more than warm enough to keep you safe from the biting cold at this altitude.

don’t worry, this is what you’re supposed to want. you’re from a prey species. sure, we have peace treaties now and you have enough weapons to fend us off now, but for millennia that’s how it went! you ran, you got pinned down, you struggled, and then we tore you limb from limb, reveling in the blood and adrenaline of a meal well hunted…

you don’t have to be embarrassed, morsel! you’re allowed to want me to devour you! i know you find me attractive – in the same way a mouse finds a cat attractive, of course. you’ve always had an affinity for dragons. i’ve seen how you look at the other riders who’re more… open about what they do with their mounts. you can tell me those things, you know.

i told you, i’m not going to let you out! it’s not safe for you at this height or temperature!

yes, obviously i've thought about doing this to you. never seriously, but... enough. humans make wonderful prey... your gentle struggling because you're intelligent enough to trust us and know we won't really hurt you even if we draw a bit of blood... it's very different than tearing the horns off a deer and swallowing it whole, you know.

i've eaten your kind before, you know. i wasn't always so... docile. your nomad convoys made such wonderful buffets: chicken, beef, pork, human – and you always had such wonderful fruits and spices in those little covered wagons of yours! i enjoyed cracking them open like nuts, devouring everything inside.

no, you're not nutritious at all. your meat is really stringy. the terrified shaking and pleading is tantalizing, though...

what do you mean, "what are you doing?" all this talk about food is making me hungry. i'm just savoring your taste is all. you're like one of those hard candies you humans buy from the market to suck on, except warm and salty and savory and-

i could swallow you. it'd be so easy.

no, no, not digest you. stop writhing like that – or continue if you want. it feels nice. i'd just swallow you and hold you in my first stomach for a while. think of it as a warm, damp, dark hug from me. no pain, no flesh itching and melting off, just a gentle squeeze.

hold still, morsel. i need to reposition you a bit is all. that's right, legs like that, arms go that way - yes, exactly! now don't move.

yes, i know it's a bit tight. my prey is a bit more chewed, usually. stop complaining about it or i'll pull you back up and bite you into small pieces so you'll fit better. is that what you want?

there. is that comfortable? i can adjust a bit if you want. hey, no, stop squirming. you're not going to die. that is not stomach acid. if you don't stop panicking i'm going to have to squeeze to hold you still.

i told you. i'm very much stronger than you. stop trying to push out. you're going to sit in there whether you like it or not, morsel.

stop calling you that? why should i? you're literally in my stomach. are you not food, at least for the moment?

don't even tempt me. i am hungry.

just go to sleep or something. we're going to be in the air for a while. if you stop wiggling around in there i'll let you out when i land. i know how soothing it is to be in there. i was a hatchling once too, you know.

i can literally feel you relaxing as my crop massages you. you're yawning. don't even lie to me.

good night, morsel...

[itsabouttimex2]

A Brand New Journey:

Part Three

(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six)

The screen of your phone is lit up with a cheerful blue, displaying a picture of a shipping container that’s been converted into a restaurant, decorated with images of stylized kittens and tea bags.

Swipe.

Glowing reviews from visitors, praising service and atmosphere. Even more praise for the tea. Overwhelming adulation for the felines present at the establishment. The only thing that’s lacking is information on the food.

Swipe.

Pictures of the menu, drawn on a standing chalkboard easel. The prices are fair and reasonable, each item having a printed photo pinned up near the flowery writing.

Swipe.

The most recent deal of the day- for mooncakes. Buy one box of six, get one box of six free. And for a slight upcharge to the original price of the first box, two bottled drinks.

Click.

That was… entirely unhelpful. You would have expected your mentor to comment on the picture you had sent, or maybe to be told what flavor they’d like you to pick up- but it seemed that he had either not seen it or simply thought you were giving him an update on your general status.

Also, you really had to get his information updated. Since no one else ever really touched your phone, you’d probably be safe putting his name and a photo- all you had to do was talk him into holding still for a picture.

Aside from all that…

The restaurant was close enough that you could walk to it on foot, so it’s not as though you’d be out so long that you’d miss training. The deal was incredibly good- and each customer could use it twice for a total of four boxes and four drinks, which meant that even after having a meal with your mentor there’d be leftovers to snack on after long training sessions.

All you had left in your fridge was… what was it? A jar of peanut butter, several bananas, some yogurt aaand… maybe a few protein bars? Oh, and several bags of mixed nuts.

You make a quick note to restock your post-workout snacks the next time you come into Megapolis. Concealer, too.

You plug in your headphones and turn on directions, then shove your phone into the pocket of your bag, heading towards the restaurant.

Although you don’t get to the city as often as you once did, it’s a sort of ‘second home’ to you. The air is fresh, the people are kind. The streets are clean. The food is very good.

You love it, a little bit.

Your thoughts soon turn away from the city and back towards your mentor, who you had never managed to talk into a visit, even for just an hour. Sure, he’d indulge in the snacks and drinks you brought around. And he seemed a little interested in the locations you offered to bring him to.

So much coaxing and reassuring, so many proffered hoodies and sunglasses to disguise his face- but he hadn’t ever accepted them.

You would get him out for a trip one of these days, you had sworn to yourself. Drag him out to the zoo or a museum. Maybe one of the public gardens.

But, until then…

You’d just have to enjoy the all the wonders of the city by yourself-

Like the converted shipping container that’s standing in front of you, labeled “Mo’s Cakes”, and painted blue. The “o” is a replica of the moon, painted so that the famous ‘bunny’ mark is actually a cat.

The craftsmanship is incredible, and it doesn’t look too crowded… so you hurry and go inside, peering at the menu.

…what would he like? With twenty-four mooncakes in total, you could introduce him to- no, it wouldn’t be introducing, really. He had probably had lots of these before. They’re a popular food throughout China, and tons of stores sell them in Megapolis. But with how far out you had to go to see him, it felt sometimes like he was an old hermit.

“Excuse me,” calls a gentle voice, standing at the counter. “Can you come over here?”

So not introducing, not really. Maybe there’d be a few new flavors in the mix somewhere he hadn’t tried yet, but it’s not like it’d be his first time eating mooncakes. Maybe a few of the more modern makes. Ice cream filled, perhaps? Or transparent crystal jelly?

“I just need you for a minute, please!”

And then maybe one of these days you could introduce him to several other treats that he might not have had access to. Cheese tea? White Rabbit Candy? Pineapple buns? Hell, there were a couple of “exotic snack” shops in Megapolis. Maybe you could bring a bag of konpeitō or a tin of florecitas for him to try.

“Mo? Could you…?”

Unbeknownst to you, a blue-furred cat sits on one of the many scratching board platforms nailed into the walls, peering down at the customers. He stretches out with a little ‘mrrow’, then leaps from his perch and lands on the space between your shoulder blades.

You’re pretty composed, most of the time.

But when an unseen and very fuzzy thing lands close to your neck and clings tight? It’d have been more of surprise if you hadn’t freaked out.

There’s a few embarrassing seconds spent squealing and flailing around, futilely trying to reach for the furred thing, only stopping when someone grabs your shoulders. Warmth and power in equal amounts enfold your upper arms, two hands lifting you off the ground, turning you around, and placing you in front of the checkout counter.

“You must be Y/N!” The man- not quite a human, now that you get a better look at him- says, hurrying back to his station. When he holds his arms out, the cat on your back leaps in them. “Pigsy’s been telling me about you!”

“…Mister Pigsy told you about me?”

The river demon smiles ear to ear, baring fangs that would be intimidating on anyone else. But with his pink apron and blue cat and white sweatpants, he’s actually really endearing.

“He did,” the demon confirms, one large hand reaching out to meet the one you tentatively offer. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Y/N! I’m Sandy, and this is Mo!”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mister Sandy. And you, Mo.”

“Aww, you’re so polite!” Sandy warmly praises, still grinning. “Thanks, little guy!”

His words might have been patronizing from another mouth. But there’s a genuine sincerity in them, a kindness blooming from every word that makes them feel truly flattering instead of condescending.

“Um, then… you must be one of Mister Pigsy’s friends, right?”

“That’s right! We’ve known each other for along time, actually! Now, what can I do you for?”

“Oh, um… is the buy one get one deal still… going on, like, currently? I wanted something to, uh… share with my mentor, and this seemed like a good deal, so I thought… to come check?”

Smooth, Y/N. Tell him you have a mentor and stumble over your words. Typical, really.

“That’s sweet of you,” he eagerly says, uncaring of your fumbling. “Two boxes or four, kiddo?”

“Four, please. I’m trying to introduce him to, uh, new things. He’s kinda, I guess… traditional with what he eats?”

“I can get you two of a few things so you can try them together!”

“Oh, um, please! And thank you, Mister Sandy!”

“Of course, of course! And what four teas?”

“Two green and two oolong, please!”

“Coming right up!”

———————————————————————

…today has been a good day. You got to see MK and Pigsy again, and made what you think is probably a new friend. And you’ve got twenty four mooncakes to share and good, healthy tea for workouts. And for such a good deal, too- Sandy had applied a “friend” discount almost without you realizing it, probably because you were dear to someone he cherished. You had slipped a tip under Mo’s collar before you left, under the guise of giving him scratches.

As you head back to your mentor’s house, the events play on repeat. Today was a really good day. And, as you look ahead of you, it only gets better.

The trees down the path are newly blooming, it seems. Each one branches proudly towards the sky, standing tall. Down the middle of the path is a neatly paved stream, full of aquatic flora blossoming in the crystal waters.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Yandere jealous Okita Souji(Record of Ragnarok) maybe with NSFW if you're comfortable writing it?

-He trusted you; he always trusted you. It was other people he didn’t trust, those who wouldn’t respect your boundaries, or that you were already in a relationship, and that made him nuts.

-Soji couldn’t understand why people couldn’t respect you or your wishes, as he would always get angry when you would come to him, as you knew he would keep you safe and chase them away, which he did like, as it made him feel important to you.

-However, as it was becoming more and more frequent, watching both men and women flirting with you, despite you politely telling them that you were taken and looking uncomfortable.

-This was one of those days, Soji was waiting for you as you were going out to eat together, and you were late, which is something very unlike you and he grew worried as the seconds ticked by.

-When he went to look for you, his eyes blazed with fury as he saw two guys talking to you, one of them holding onto one of your wrists, while you were trying to get free, “Let go!”

-Soji immediately ran over and leapt up, sending his foot into the back of the head of the creep who was holding on to you, sending him flying forward, letting you go.

-Soji quickly had you in his arms, hugging you to his chest as the other guy shouted, “Hey what the hell?!” He went to throw a punch at Soji, who quickly pulled out his sword, pointing it at the guy’s neck, making him freeze.

-You didn’t Soji this mad often, it was honestly a little intimidating, but also sweet, as he glared, “Y/N isn’t interested. Take your trash and get out of here.”

-The two were quick to scramble away as he sheathed his sword and he turned to ask if you were okay before you leapt into his arms, happy tears in your eyes, “Soji!!”

-His eyes went wide like a cat’s before he calmed, hugging you back, relaxing a bit as he patted the back of your head softly.

-Soji decided to just get takeout, taking you back to his home, as he felt like people needed to learn to respect that you were taken.

-The moment you were both inside and the food was sat down, Soji pounced on you, knocking you back into the couch with a squeal, straddling across your hips.

-Your cheeks blazed with color as you looked up at him, seeing the red glint of his eyes from the shadows caused by his hair as he was grinning down at you, “Perhaps I need to mark what’s mine- then maybe others wouldn’t try.”

-You were stammering lightly, looking up at him as his head ducked to your neck and immediately started kissing, making you whimper softly before you tried to push him off, “Wait Soji- don’t- no don’t suck!!” He sucked deep red marks onto both sides of your neck and down your chest, just a bit, for good measure.

-When he pulled back, he saw your eyes were glossy from pleasure, looking up at him as your chest heaved. You looked so good like this.

-Two hours later Soji had to reheat the food while you were curled up on the couch, unable to move, as everything hurt in the most delicious way possible.

-He was so cute when he got jealous.

[zmzebra-writes]

Title: The Wrong Amagi Wedding Chapters: 3/? (start, previous) Genre: Comedy Summary: After being invited to their father's second marriage, Rinne and Hiiro find themselves having to temporarily return to the village. Not wanting their friends to be alone, the rest of Crazy:B and Alkaloid join them on their journey back, but these "city folks" might not be the only ones learning something new during this visit.

In this chapter.... The hike towards the village continues! Follow Alkakurei as they traverses the trees and rivers, meet old friends, and take their first steps into the village.

CW for vulgar jokes. Nothing cruel, just a tad dirty.

They were about half-way to the village when Rinne decided to stop for lunch. He had been pointing out edible plants for Niki to snack on, but everyone else wanted to eat a proper meal. It was around lunchtime anyways.

“On the other side of the river,” called out Rinne, “There’s a good space for us to have a picnic. Is everyone confident in their balancing abilities?”

Everyone made noises of agreement, but Aira and Mayoi looked unsure. 

“What do you mean by that, Rinne?” asked Aira.

Rinne held up two fingers. “If you don’t want to get wet, there are only two ways to cross the river to the village: balancing on an old fallen log or balancing on some high river rocks.”

Rinne gave a sly grin. “Unless you want me to test how far I can throw you, Aira-chan~...”

Aira squeaked and rapidly rejected the idea. 

“Kyahaha! Don’t worry, it’s not that bad,” reassured Rinne, “The water isn’t that deep or strong at this part of the river. If you’re nervous, you can walk on through.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! You’ll just freeze your nuts off instead!”

Aira’s face scrunched up. “...I think I’ll take the log.”

Rinne whistled and skipped ahead. “Rotting log it is!”

“Huh?? What do you mean rotting??”

Mayoi looked sick as he watched Aira chase after Rinne. “... I think I’ll just let the river take my balls.”

Tatsumi gave a look of concern. “But your balls are so lovely, Mayoi. It would be a loss for the world.”

“Tatsumi?!” shrieked Mayoi.

Tatsumi giggled. “Kidding~! Just a joke.”

“You are disgusting, Kazehaya,” said HiMERU as he pushed himself ahead of everyone.

“Aw, HiMERU, your balls are cute too~...” 

HiMERU turned around to murder Tatsumi for uttering such slander.

“Can we please stop talking about balls?!!” yelled Kohaku, thoroughly done with his seniors.

“Yeah! Don’t worry, Mayoi,” said Hiiro, aiming to be a beacon of comfort today, “You’ll still have your balls after crossing the river! It’s just cold.”

“Not helping, Hiiro!” There was no refuge for Kohaku.

“Hey are you guys done talking about your balls or are we going to cross this log?” yelled back Rinne, “Aira’s too much of a pussy to go first so Kohaku you need to get over here and hold his hand.”

“Brother, can’t I hold hands with Aira?” asked Hiiro.

“Nah, there’s only so much this old log can handle at a time, but you can go first and help them off the log.”

“On it!” Hiiro zoomed forward, crossing the log with light, deft steps. He leapt off, and started waving from the opposite bank.

“Come on, Aira! It’s perfectly safe!”

Aira still felt nervous, but Kohaku came up from behind and grabbed his hand. 

“Don’t worry, Love-han. I’ll be right behind and keep you from falling,” said Kohaku. 

Aira smiled.

“OK now chop chop, loverboys, get moving,” said Rinne, “We still have a lot more people to get through.”

Kohaku glared at Rinne, but let Aira lead him to the log bridge. Slowly, but surely, they made it to the other side where Hiiro helped them down.

Next was Niki, then HiMERU, and lastly Tatsumi, until only Rinne and Mayoi remained.

“Alright, Mayo-chan~, you’re up.”

Mayoi began to fidget. “... I really think I should just take the river.”

Rinne swooped down and lifted up Mayoi in a single, quick movement. Mayoi squeaked. 

“Come on, scaredy cat. If this ol’ log can hold up a fatass like Niki, it can hold up your flat ass. Unless you want to see if it can handle both our weights at once when I carry you across…”

Rinne held Mayoi so he was barely standing on the log before letting go. Mayoi quickly and gracefully crossed the log in one fell swoop. 

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Rinne followed behind on the log at a relaxed pace. 

Niki greeted him on the landing. “So lunchtime? You have the cooler, right?”

“Am I only a piece of meat to you, Niki?”

“Nyahaha, of course not, Rinne. You contain many different types of foods. Now open up!”

Rinne grumbled, but unzipped his bag. “A ‘please’ would be nice…”

He looked up at Kohaku. “Do you still have that messenger bag of snacks, Kohaku?”

Kohaku huffed at the obvious as the bag rested in front of him. 

“Are you an idiot, Rinne?” he said as he opened the bag, “Obviously I still have the— huh?”

Kohaku took off the bag and shook out a pile of trash. Only a few of them still contained food or drink. “Where did it… Niki!”

Niki carefully slinked out of sight. Kohaku dropped his luggage to increase his speed as he moved in for the kill. The rest of the group began setting up for lunch as Niki ran for his life.

A few minutes later, a sudden thud and shriek from Niki and Kohaku had Rinne dropping the sandwiches he was taking out of his bag and swiping his knife. Both Amagis hopped to action, running towards the sound of the shouts. 

Niki was sitting on the ground behind Kohaku who stood on the defense. In front of them stood a large beast in the shadows of the trees. Its massive flat face was only rivaled by the size of its soaring humpback. Smoke appeared to surround the beast, hiding its features as it breathed heavily. 

“Rinne, what is that thing?” asked Kohaku, unsure of whether his fists would be enough to take the monster down. 

“Stay still, Kohaku,” said Rinne as he creeped closer to the beast with a hand out to tell Hiiro to pause, “We don’t want to set it off.”

A low rumbling came from the beast as it scraped the ground with its wide hoof. 

“Easy, fella, easy,” said Rinne. He had a bet on what this mystery animal was, but he needed to take a risk to let everything end peacefully, “Don’t you recognize me?”

The beast huffed as more smoke billowed through the trees. Hiiro and Kohaku tensed up. Rinne was now only a foot away from the being. He held out a hand for it to sniff, his knife stored secretly in his back pocket. 

“I know it’s been years, but do you remember? The apple from that time.”

The beast stilled. The ever growing smoke began to thin to everyone’s relief. The beast moved into the light to press its face into Rinne’s outstretched hand.

Niki and Kohaku looked shocked at the sight of the now clearly visible strange creature. 

Hiiro’s eyes lit up in recognition and he tensed up to attack. “Volcano bison! You returned to destroy us!”

“Calm down, Hiiro,” replied Rinne as he patted Volcano Bison, “I’m friends with it. I think Volcano Bison was just curious.”

“Rinne, what the hell is that?” asked Kohaku with a slightly horrified look. The beast appeared to break several laws of existence with its large eyes and what appeared to be smoke coming from the peak on its back.

“It’s just Volcano Bison, Kohaku. It’s not that complicated.”

“It is Incredibly complicated, Rinne! Niki, back me up here.”

Kohaku turned to look at Niki who was ignoring the conversation in favor of observing the newly revealed creature. “Hmmm… I wonder how it would taste… Since it’s friends with Rinne, we probably won’t be allowed to eat it, but still…”

Kohaku’s face dropped for a moment until he recovered with a face palm. “Right. I don’t know what I expected.”

Rinne moved to the side to introduce his new friends to Volcano Bison. “That over there is Hiiro, my younger brother who I told you about. The pink shorty is Kohaku, and the guy on the ground is Niki, my wife.”

This caught Niki’s attention. “I’m not your wife, Rinne!”

“Can we not argue in front of my friends, Niki?”

Volcano Bison let out a low rumble (that Kohaku pretended he did not jump at) before appearing to bow its head. In a way. It didn’t particularly seem to have a visible neck or bendable knees which made it rather unsettling to watch.

“Any friend of my brother is a friend of mine,” said Hiiro with a smile.

“We were about to stop for lunch, if you would like to join us, Volcano Bison,” offered Rinne. He had packed a few apples for this exact possibility.

Volcano Bison smiled with its eyes and nodded.

“Follow us then!” 

Niki used Kohaku (against his will) to stand up, and together they watched the beast gallump after the two brothers. 

“Please tell me you think this is weird too, Niki,” begged Kohaku.

“Maybe a little, but this is a big world we live in Kohaku,” responded Niki before following after them.

Kohaku stared at their disappearing backs. He huffed. 

“HiMERU and Love-han wouldn’t treat me this way,” he said before walking back to the picnic site.

Thankfully for Kohaku, the rest of the group seemed correctly shocked by the beast joining them for lunch. The apple Rinne passed to it appeared to somehow be eaten in one gulp like a :3-faced toucan. Kohaku and Aira pretended they weren’t hiding behind HiMERU and Tatsumi as Volcano Bison stared directly at them. Mayoi also hid behind Tatsumi, but he didn’t try to hide it. It made for a very surreal picnic.

Later, as they were cleaning up, Rinne passed it another fruit before speaking quietly to it. “If anything happens in the village, I want you to cause a diversion and get as many of them out as fast as possible. I’ll call you if I need you.”

Volcano Bison nodded.

Rinne smiled and patted his old friend on the back. “Thanks.”

The Amagis waved goodbye as Volcano Bison disappeared back into the woods in a cloud of smoke. Kohaku, HiMERU, and Aira wondered if some of those road trips snacks had been laced with something.

The rest of the hike to the village was quiet until: “Oh be careful of the twine there,” warned Rinne as HiMERU paused his gait. On the ground was a thin piece of string tied across the path.

“Thank you for the warning, Amagi,” said HiMERU as he and the rest of the party carefully stepped over it.

“No problem,” waved off Rinne.

“What would have happened if the trap went off?” asked Aira.

“A bunch of arrows would get set off and kill MERUMERU instantly,” said Rinne as he glanced around the trees.

Aira went pale, but now was Hiiro’s time to shine: “That’s not true! That trap only lets the village know that someone is walking down the path towards us,” he explained.

Rinne booed him. “Why’d you have to ruin the joke so quickly, Hiiro? Let your little girlfriend hop around worried for a bit first.”

“But the arrow traps aren’t on this path, brother!” said Hiiro, “I don’t want to lie to Aira.”

Aira frowned, but Tatsumi patted him on the back in reassurance. “Don’t worry, Aira. If any arrows come towards you, I’ll protect you from the arrows with my life.”

“Tattsun?!” 

“HiMERU will help Kazehaya if the event occurs,” said HiMERU as he walked towards the front again.

Rinne hit HiMERU on the back. “That’s the spirit, MERUMERU. Glad to see you getting along with Tatsumi.”

HiMERU frowned as Tatsumi smiled.

Rinne looked up at a tree and smiled as his eye caught a glint of metal in the light. “Hey, Hiiro, do you want to do the honors in letting everyone know we’re here?”

Hiiro lit up as he rushed over to climb up a nearby tree and pull on a similar looking piece of string.

“Hey, Rinne?” asked Kohaku, “So what’s the difference between that trap and the one your brother is setting off?”

Rinne turned back to look at Kohaku. “Hm? The one Hiiro is setting off is the hidden village doorbell so that no one thinks a sneak attack is happening. That one MERU was going to set off is the stupid loser doorbell because only the ones not in the know or not paying attention set it off. I think Hiiro set it off once and no one let him live it down for a month.”

“I see,” replied Kohaku, thinking of his own family’s secrets.

Hiiro climbed back down the tree. “Hey guys, what are we talking about?”

Kohaku looked at Hiiro’s bright eyes and decided to spare him. “Oh we were just talking about the different traps on this path.”

“Yeah! We got a lot of them around here to do all sorts of things,” said Hiiro, “My brother is well versed in a lot of them since he set most of them off when we were kids.”

“Oh really?” said Kohaku with a cat’s grin. 

Rinne sped up his walking to race ahead. “Wow! Look at how close we are to the village. We should be hitting the village border any second—”

The more observant of the group spotted a blur racing towards them. “Rinne, look out!” called out Kohaku as he realized the attacker’s target. Rinne braced himself as he stood alone on the forest path, the rest of the group farther behind.

“I was wondering when you were going to show up,” said Rinne through gritted teeth.

The attacker dove for Rinne, starting a brief brawl as the two fought using moves Kohaku had never seen before. Kohaku and Hiiro raced towards Rinne, but they were too late, and soon Rinne was taken down by what appeared to be a large woman with short red hair in blue and tan clothing. 

“Hiiro,” she said flatly, and that was all the warning they got before she attacked once more.

This time, however, Kohaku was close enough to lend his aid. The two of them worked hard to down this strange opponent, but somehow Kohaku kept finding all his moves to kill swiftly disarmed. It was worse than fighting Madara, who had a tendency to enjoy preventing Kohaku from actually connecting any hits over fighting back. In the end, Kohaku and Hiiro found themselves both hanging upside down, one in each hand, as the woman wrangled the two teenagers at once.

The rest of the party caught up and stared in horror as they found themselves helpless against their surprise opponent. 

Aira looked at Hiiro’s serious eyes, but found himself confused by his friend’s smile.

Why was he…?

“Haha! You got me again, father!” laughed Hiiro as he swung himself in the woman’s grasp.

“FATHER?!?” yelled the rest of the party.

“You must be the friends Rinne spoke of,” the woman said, continuing to hold Kohaku and Hiiro by their ankles, “He spoke very highly of all of you.”

A distant voice called out ahead from where the woman came from. “Leader! Leader!” an out of breath voice cried out, “You are supposed to be resting!”

Rinne groaned from where he lay on the ground. “Even while sick, you are still causing trouble, old man,” he grumbled to himself.

Rinne sat up and leveled his father with a flat stare as the villager came closer to them. “Can you put down Kohaku and Hiiro, father? Kohaku’s hair is going to turn red from all his blood rushing down and you’ll confuse him for another Amagi.”

The elder Amagi let go of her opponents. Hiiro tumbled down quietly while Kohaku yelped before both landed softly, used to breaking their falls. Aira rushed forward to their sides and grabbed their wrists. He dragged them both back to stand behind Tatsumi. Kohaku glared while Hiiro smiled. His father cocked her head at the sight, but paid them little mind.

“Hey,” called out Rinne, pulling her attention back to him, “Aren’t duel greetings reserved for martial arts students?”

“You will always be my student, and there will always be more to learn. I needed to see if your skills have rusted in your absence,” she stated.

“Just admit you wanted to take a swing at me and Hiiro after all this time,” said Rinne as he glared upwards at his father.

She pointedly looked away from Rinne towards the oncoming aide. The woman huffed as she bent her head forward in deference. “Sir, I apologize for cutting your reunion short with your sons, but you must spend more time saving your strength for the wedding.”

“It is traditional for the monarch to greet guests to the village before they arrive, Ayasato,” she said.

“It is traditional with a team of bodyguards present, sir,” the aide emphasized, “We had a welcoming team prepared to meet them in your absence led by your wife to be.”

“I deemed them unnecessary. As the only main branch Amagi remaining in the village, I deemed it necessary for myself to be the one to greet these outsiders.”

Ayasato’s face remained blank to avoid showing her true feelings on the matter, but Rinne frowned at his father’s intentional dig.

“Now are we going to stand here all day or shall we return to the village?” their father asked, “We’ve prepared a big dinner for you all tonight, and we have much to explain to you about the rules during your stay here.”

Ayasato bowed. “Lead the way, sir.”

The senior Amagi began walking back towards the village. Ayasato leaned down and offered a hand to Rinne. “It’s good to have you back, sir.”

He ignored it and stood up on his own. “Keep the fake praise to yourself.”

Ayasato frowned, but nodded before she turned to the rest of the party. “Everyone, follow us and I will inform everyone of our basic rules as we walk to the village center.”

With no other path, but forward, the idols followed them deeper into the forest.

[glenflower]

Macdennis Fic Rec List by wordcount

1K - 10K

Mac and Dennis Fool Around - morphosyntactic [1k]

“If you’re struggling to find a good guy to get down with, I could let you blow me.”

Mac tenses. Is he seriously hearing this? Has he had too many beers, passed out and slipped into some alternate universe, half nightmare, half… something else? “What?”

“I’d be willing to let you,” Dennis says. Mac twists on the couch to look away from the TV and at Dennis. Dennis’ face is neutral, but as Mac stares, he raises an eyebrow. “Out of the goodness of my heart, or whatever.”

afterflow - yennefers [2k]

He finds him licking his wounds under the bleachers.

Mac’s flicking a lighter under a scrawny little scrap of a cigarette and he’s doing it way too fast. He’s slicked his hair back like a John Wayne wannabe and he has blood crusted on his bottom lip - everyone saw the punch up, Dennis included. Bradley Morgan punching Ronnie the Rat in the jaw for tipping off the school office; it’s yesterday’s news and it happened this morning.

“You need some help with that?”

“Fuck off,” Mac mutters. Dennis take the lighter anyway.

pink and blue - yennefers [4k]

“It was by the dumpster,” Mac says. He sounds scandalised. “It’s been shitting it down with rain all day, bro. C’mon. I’ll take it back tomorrow.”

The cat stares at Dennis, wrapped up tight in the duster. It blinks at him, looking thoroughly unimpressed, and then it sneezes. It’s the tiniest, most pathetic hiss of a sound he’s ever heard.

“Jesus Christ,” Dennis mutters. He moves out of the way, letting Mac step inside, and then he slams the front door with significantly more force than necessary.

stormy weather - yennefers [4k]

“You piss her off?”

“I didn’t do anything,” Mac snaps, because he didn’t, him and his mom are doing fine, thank you. “She - she’s been really busy today, probably, so she just -“

“She didn’t answer the door,” Dennis says.

It’s not a question. Mac scuffs the toe of one battered sneaker on the ground.

“She’s busy, man.”

One second passes. Two, three. Then:

“Get in the car.”

Nuts - glennjaminhow [4k]

The doctors discharge Mac around 8:30, after a hellish 18 hours of hospitalization. He’s prescribed two EpiPens for the nut allergies, along with extra strength Benadryl and an inhaler for the leftover side effects of anaphylaxis. Dennis elects himself in charge of the EpiPens, which Mac is okay with in his exhausted state. There’s no way he can trust Mac to hold onto something so vital, so crucial to his safety. Mac never worries about himself; he’s always more concerned with Dennis. That’s not gonna fly here. No, Dennis will oversee the EpiPens, just like how Mac oversees Dennis’ eating schedule.

sell me on that thing you do - kafkian [5K]

Post-Gang Chokes. Dennis gets what he wants.

you say it’s gone, though it never is - yennefers [4k]

It's New Year's Eve. Dennis, not for the first time, has made some regrettable choices.

decalogue - sinnabear

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." Mac vs. the Ten Commandments.

objects in motions - sinnabar [5k]

Sometimes Dee thinks the reason she and Mac have never gotten along is that they’re just too much the same; both of them caught up in Dennis’s orbit, thriving on whatever attention he deems fit to bestow on them.

jamais vu - yennefers [6k]

“I just think we’re spending too much time together,” Mac blurts out.

The silence that follows is so complete, Dennis can hear the blood rushing in his ears.

—

Mac and Dennis break up. Again.

Mac and Dennis Plan a Wedding - mxingno [5k]

“Jesus Christ, Charlie, this isn’t about banging -- it’s about two men, who have been living together for years anyway, taking advantage of government handouts while winning an argument. Don’t cheapen this, okay?”

Moonlight - andchaos [6k]

Instead of fighting, when Dennis came home stressed while they lived in the suburbs, he and Mac would go for a relaxing swim to calm down.

where there is hatered (let me sow love) [6k]

Dennis figures out he needs to spice up his and Mac's routine movie night blow jobs.

our love’s the only thing that could matter - oppshidaisy [6k]

From a distance, Mac smelled like an alpha.

(Or: Dennis has never gotten the appeal of alphas. He tries something else.)

domesticity and other cults - lagaudiere [6k]

Or, Mac and Dennis move to the suburbs.

hey man i love you (but no fucking way) - andchaos [7k]

Dennis will always come back home to Mac, even when neither of them think so. For better or worse, the same wretched parts of them are magnetized together, and no amount of fighting or running away will change it.

What happens after Dennis leaves.

the day you move (i’m probably gonna explode) - sinnabar [7k]

He could maybe get addicted to this, if he let himself. Or: five times Mac and Dennis toed the line between friends and lovers, and one time they crossed it for good.

not gay - anastea [7k]

fellas is it "gay" to marry your best bro. asking for a friend

The Gang Stalks Mac - LamentableComedy [8k]

The gang think Mac is dating someone in secret so they follow him to try to figure out who.

Shortest Day, Longest Night - Crisp_Winter_Fox [9k]

Mac and Dennis sleep together the night before Dennis leaves to spend Christmas in North Dakota.

Mac expects Dennis to keep in touch while he's away. He doesn't, leaving Mac to worry about what it all meant.

A Fountain of Gardens/A Well of Living Waters and Streams - BleedingAlive [9k]

Many years ago, when they were seventeen and eighteen, Dennis told a lie. He’s told a lot of lies, actually, but this one stuck.

(Or, The Song of Solomon, except, Macdennis, in which Dennis has been in L--- with Mac for a lifetime)

further than either of us wanted - oopshidaisy [9k]

“This is just one man wanting to bang another man, and that other man charitably capitulating for the good of the friendship. Nothing more.”

(Or: Dennis comes up with a way to fix Mac's feelings for him. Mac reluctantly agrees.)

10K - 30K

Love You So Bad - usuallysunny [11k]

It's the summer of '93 and Mac's only sure of three things: Charlie will be his best friend forever, Project Badass is going to take over the world and no-one makes him feel quite like Dennis Reynolds does.

Complex - sidnihoudini [12k]

Dennis scratches at his chest. Water bugs. “No offense, man, but then how do you know about them?”

“Oh, Mac told me.” Charlie threads the hose back into his tiny tool belt. “He’s got some sources about these kinds of things.”

Which is great for Charlie, but doesn’t really work for Dennis.

“I’m not talking to Mac right now,” he says diplomatically.

communication breakdown - bleakmidwinter [12k]

During quarantine, Mac catches Dennis branching out in his pornography intake─watching gay porn and shamelessly jerking off to it. They come to a mutually beneficial arrangement that'll help them both get through lockdown without falling victim to overbearing sexual frustration. No strings attached, right?

never gonna fall for (modern love) - rcg [13k]

Dennis chose North Dakota which means changing diapers, meal prepping, working on the weekends, and not having sex with his best friend. While Mac and Dennis rekindle old feelings and fights over the phone every night, Dennis thinks about all that could've been for the first time.

each the other’s world entire - quixoti [13k]

Mac and Dennis survive each other. Mac and Dennis will always survive each other.

respite - andchaos [14k]

Mac comes up to visit Dennis at college junior year, alone for once. Their boys' day turns into a night out — one that Dennis would probably classify as a date, if they were anyone else.

But maybe, privately, he still thinks of it as their first.

Underneath - andchaos

5 times Dennis bottoms + 1 time Mac is desperate for it.

For the server. You fuel the holy-water-needed section of my brain.

i think i’m feeling it now - lohoron [15k]

“Are you satisfied with this?”

Mac blinks, eyes flickering between their thighs nearly touching and Dennis’s face. “Satisfied with what, dude?”

Dennis grins like he's doing something malicious and Mac gasps when he feels Dennis’s hand on his knee. Okay. Behave yourself.

“This. Us.”

It clears up nothing but somehow Mac knows exactly what he's asking. He gulps. Shrugs. His eyebrows are arched down, brown eyes wide and full of stupid hope. “Sometimes,” he settles on, because he figures the truth is too much of a mouthful.

Dennis Does CBT on Mac - trill_gutterbug [17k]

Dennis leaned toward Mac, lowering his voice. "I see what you're saying. You want to put the responsibility of your sexual self determination in my hands. You want to relinquish the burden of free will to me."

Mac squinted. "Yes? Er, I think so."

-

Dennis (graciously, selflessly, heroically) helps Mac overcome an addiction.

always summer - yennefers [17k]

The things Mac and Dennis do when they're alone, from 1994 to 2019.

Smooth Criminal - andchaos [17k]

Dennis really, really wants to pick up the hot guy who keeps coming into the bar every weekend. Somehow the words keep getting fumbled on the way out of his mouth. He's trying, he swears.

Mac and Dennis Move Forward - kaivevo - [17k]

“It’s like this,” Mac explained. “Dennis has been kinda sad lately, you know? It’s… he has this thing, he calls it his God Hole, and he’s trying to use this kid to fill it up. But he’s way more dumber than I thought because he already tried that, and it didn’t work. And it’s so annoying because he still doesn’t realize that the person who’s gonna fill his hole is right in front of him.” He gestured to himself, just in case his point wasn’t clear. Charlie’s face lit up in realization.

“Ohhh, okay, that’s what this is about,” he said. “You want to fill Dennis’s hole.”

Mac coughed. “No, that’s— that’s not what I meant, don’t say it like that.”

30k+

mutual assured destruction - headbangingSappho [30k]

He wants to wrap himself around Mac like a python buries its prey in its inescapable, deadly embrace. With his chest against Mac’s back and his face against his nape, he wants to press closer and closer until he can sink his claws into his very bones and seep his poison into his veins and Mac can never, ever walk away from him without tearing himself apart in the process. He wants to stay like this until they both die.

Mac lets out a pleased, half-asleep hum and lovingly puts his own hands on Dennis’ fists that are grasping the front of his old T-shirt so vehemently they’re almost shaking.

if i ruin this (i can live with it) - wekeepeachotherhuman [31k]

“Dennis,” Dr. Eddy says, still writing, still smiling. “I want you to take some work home with you from this session.” She finally looks up at him and nods encouragingly. Dennis can’t help the way his eyes roll all the way back into his head.

“Great,” he mutters.

“I want you to track your impulses,” she says. “I want you to track your impulses and I want you to put the intention behind that impulse in one of two categories.”

She stands, goes to her desk. She opens a drawer and pulls out a second notebook. She opens it to the first page and begins to write in it. Then, she comes to Dennis, stops right in front of him and presents the journal to him, still opened.

She’s drawn a table. A question looms at the top of the page: What is my intention with this action? And there are only two columns. One labeled growth and the other: stagnation.

—

Dennis decides that there should be a third column: destruction.

your soul is changing - kafkian [41k]

Dennis comes back.

circle the drain - bleakmidwinter [42k]

Dennis experiences the same day over and over. A peculier, yet totally unoriginal day. When it becomes apparent he isn't having Final Destination style visions, he must figure out how to break the curse.

these things get louder - kafkian [58k]

Mac hatches a secret plan to repair his and Dennis’s friendship. Dennis is pretty sure he knows what the root of the problem is, though, and he isn’t going to let up until Mac admits to it.

Set after Season 11.

Mac and Dennis Get a New Apartment - pavonine [59k]

After Dee's landlord threatens to kick them out for squatting, Mac and Dennis get a place of their own and it's all downhill from there. Dennis tries to keep himself together. Life's got other plans.

Set a few months after the end of Season 10.

the way we look to us all - endquestionmark [63k]

Dennis Reynolds is forty-four years old, and it doesn’t get any better from here.

an impossible view - kafkian [65k]

‘You’re what?’ Dennis asks blankly.

‘I’m moving out,’ Mac explains. The same three words he said a second ago, and they don’t make any more sense in that order than they did the first time. ‘I was just – I was thinking about what you said, about wanting – uh. Wanting me to move out. And it kind of made sense, so. I guess I’m doing it.’

‘How did it make sense?’ Dennis asks.

---

After the events of Season 13, Mac moves out. Dennis handles it really well, obviously.

like real people do - notreallywriting [66k]

“I just want to be normal, Mac. Is that too much to ask for?”

“I don't know, Den. Maybe it is.”

-

or: mac and dennis get worse before they get better

Bloom - andchaos [68k]

Dennis owns a flower shop. Mac's trying to grow a garden.

guardians of a rare thing - yennefers [101k]

Sometimes Mac will kiss him to calm him down. It’s a no strings attached kind of thing, until it isn’t.

[irlcats-bracket]

Bracket 1 SEMIFINALS 2

PRISSY VERSUS TODD

PRISSY

If she's quiet she's either sleeping or somewhere she shouldn't be. Or Both. Openly favors submitter, tolerates others. Very autistic cat: anxious of bad noises, very picky eater, kneads with her right paw out for no reason, must walk a circle around the room before going somewhere, has Specific eating spots for mealtime, etc. She probably knows more English than she lets on. Disobeys authority when she's bored or hungry. Loves the outdoors but she needs her pretty pink harness or she'll run; her favorite activity is playing with grasshoppers. She's a little brat but you can't help but love her when she squeaks at you.

PROPAGANDA

As you can see, she likes tight spaces (it's the 'tism -u-). She has access to larger, roomier sleeping spaces, but she always gravitates to places where I can't understand how she could possibly be comfortable. That round thing in the top right pic? She sleeps on top of that for the night even though a whole leg falls over the side. We've debated getting her a bigger one, but I don't think she'd like it.

She is also a lover of people food; we tried not to get her used to it, but somewhere along the way she broke down our walls. Whenever I snack on cheese puffs on the couch, she's always gotta get up in my face to try to get some of that delicious cheese dust, going so far as to stick her big face in the bag right in front of me while I'm holding it. And if you've got salmon, she will go nuts. I think salmon is her favorite food with cheese as a close second. ...but she'll also beg for chicken nugget.

[Image description: a photo of OP sitting at the dining table over a plate of chicken strips and ketchup, OP on one side of the chair and holding a piece of bitten chicken and Prissy sitting on the other side of the chair with one paw on the table eyeing the bitten chicken strip. OP's face has been painted over with a black spot.]

As for speaking English, I've caught her saying Hello and Mama clear as day, and is working on pronouncing Outside and Water (I mean it, just from her tones and "syllables" of her meows, it's like she's trying to speak).

(fun fact "if she makes it to round 3" was said in round 3 poll. we are waiting!!)

TODD

This here. Right here. Is Todd. He is fat because? We don’t know, he gets fed normal amounts but he still manages to be fat. He is very soft and lovely. He has many many toes on each paw- the most submitter counted on one they believe was 12. He is the many-toe lad. The fat fellow. The lovey guy. The ultimate shedder (you would not BELIEVE how much this guy sheds. He creates an entire second cat DAILY!) Submitter hopes you like him, because they do :)

[generalized-incompetence]

“I give up,” says Todd. “I can’t do this.”

“Me, too,” says Farah on the other end of the line. “This is impossible.”

“What were we thinking,” says Todd.

“I have no idea,” says Farah.

“This is way too much.”

“How does anyone do it.”

Todd stares in despair at the Valentine’s chocolates in front of him, six shelves high and two rows deep. “Valentine’s Day,” he says, “sucks.”

(Read on AO3 here)

Farah sighs heavily for about the fifth time in the past ten minutes. It is both of their first non-single Valentine’s Day ever, and they are both panicking about it, for unrelated reasons. Farah is panicking because she’s always panicking, even though Todd has told her twelve times that Farah could show up on Tina’s porch with half a Snickers and Tina would probably propose. Todd is panicking because he’s a used gum wad of a human being, and he is trying not to be, and part of that involves celebrating Valentine’s Day like a thoughtful boyfriend who can do normal things like buy chocolate without wanting to set himself on fire.

“I don’t know what you’re worried about,” says Farah, in a tone that comes off as accusing. “Whatever you choose will turn out to be exactly what Dirk needed.”

“Your girlfriend is an empath!” says Todd. “She won’t even care about the chocolate, she’ll just get, like, love vibes –”

“Stress vibes,” Farah mutters.

Todd throws up his arm and accidentally knocks off a soccer-patterned box, setting off a domino effect with the boxes of Reese’s nearby (does Dirk like peanut butter?) (does Dirk even like chocolate?) (shouldn’t he know this?). “She’ll like anything you get her,” he says, attempting to restack the boxes, talk to Farah, and have a minor freak-out about whether Dirk has a secret peanut allergy, all at the same time. “I promise.”

“Even Valentine’s Ding-Dongs?” says Farah with deep skepticism. “Actually, never mind, she would love Valentine’s Ding-Dongs. She would think that’s hilarious. I would never hear the end of Valentine’s Ding-Dongs.”

“Then get her the Valentine’s Ding-Dongs,” says Todd, who has somehow also managed to topple a whole box of pink teddy bears.

“I can’t get her Valentine’s Ding-Dongs!” says Farah in near-hysteria.

Todd settles the last of the teddy bears back on the shelf. “This is stupid,” he says. “We’re being stupid. Tina would eat anything here.”

“So would Dirk!” says Farah.

“Maybe your store is better than mine,” says Todd, frowning at a box that says “Love ya!” in what looks like Comic Sans.

“I really, really doubt that,” says Farah.

Todd wanders past a shelf of dog-patterned boxes, a shelf of cat-patterned boxes, and a shelf of confused holiday boxes bearing everything from American flags to St. Patrick’s Day shamrocks. He could choose about seventeen things Tina would love, starting with a chocolate Ken doll and ending with the “Love Ya!” comic sans. All of them would probably kill Dirk. Farah definitely knows all of Dirk’s nut allergies, and has compiled them into binders, while Todd is out here manslaughtering his boyfriend on the most romantic day of the year. “What if,” he says, “we swap?”

“Swap stores?” says Farah.

“No, swap people. Like, you buy something for Dirk, and I’ll buy something for Tina.”

He holds his breath. She hasn’t said no yet. He is sure she would, if they weren’t both so desperate, but they passed last resorts three hours ago and are rapidly running out the overtime clock.

“It’s not,” she says slowly, “the worst idea.”

“They don’t have to know,” says Todd. “We can even get cards.”

“Oh my god, I forgot about cards,” says Farah.

Todd waits while Farah mutters to herself on the other end. He hears her moving around, presumably towards the cards aisle, and then a sharp intake of breath and an increase of muttering. He is pretty sure the cards aisle took a good fifteen years off his own life.

“Okay,” says Farah. “Fine. Let’s swap.”

—

“Todd!” says Dirk, a few hours later. “This is perfect!”

They're at Todd's apartment, because Todd's attempt to make romantic dinner reservations fell victim to a fixed dinner menu of over $100 per person. Todd has also failed to buy flowers, since the chocolate fiasco took so long that the florist closed, and between panicking about the flowers, panicking about the restaurant, panicking about the chocolates, and panicking about his hair, for some reason, he also forgot to write a card.

It is, in other words, a disaster. And it has every sign of getting worse.

Todd attempts to lean over the sofa and see what Farah bought (and wrapped, and labelled) without making it obvious that he has no idea what it is. He got Tina a teddy bear with heart-shaped sunglasses and a bottle of wine with the most neon label he could find. He did not wrap it. Dirk gave him a solid chocolate guitar, and also some hand cream, which he hasn’t explained.

“Um, glad you like it,” Todd says.

Dirk tosses the rest of the paper aside and starts tearing at the plastic. Farah has selected a box of truffles (assorted) that promises flavors like habanero, dragonfruit, and, confusingly, “blue.” It is perfect. Todd wishes he’d thought of it. He wonders what Dirk would have thought of his best option, a box of milk chocolates with a shark. Dirk is far within his rights to break up with anyone who romances him with a shark.

The plastic quickly follows the paper, along with the lid and its labels, of course. “Mmm,” says Dirk, surveying the options. “Which one is habanero, do you think? Cover my eyes, Todd, perhaps I’ll get lucky!”

Todd doesn’t deserve to cover Dirk’s eyes. He doesn’t deserve to be within six feet of Dirk. He is a squashed milk chocolate of a human being, and he has to come clean, so Dirk can break it off now. 

“Mmph! Banana,” says Dirk, who’s given up on Todd’s indecision. “Here, you try one! Open wide!”

Todd is wallowing in too much distress to respond to Dirk’s waggling eyebrows. He opens his mouth to come clean and is rewarded with a striped yellow chocolate. It’s habanero. Of course. “Dirk,” he says, his eyes streaming and his throat burning up. “I’m sorry.”

“Yes, well, you should be,” says Dirk, crossing his arms in mock indignation. “I quite wanted to try that one. Come closer, perhaps I can taste the traces –”

“No, Dirk,” says Todd, pushing Dirk away. “Listen. I didn’t buy you anything.”

Dirk frowns at him. “Of course you did, you silly thing,” he says. “It’s right here.”

“No,” says Todd. He thinks his tongue is swelling up. “Farah bought it. I couldn’t decide. I didn’t know what to get you. I’m - I’m a terrible boyfriend.”

Todd’s eyes are watering too much to see what Dirk’s face is doing. It’s an accidental mercy. At least he saved Dirk, whose spice tolerance is zero, from this wretched fate.

“Are you saying,” Dirk says, “that you panicked in the store, and you couldn’t think of a thing to get me, so you recruited a friend to help you choose your boyfriend’s gift?”

It sounds worse to hear it in Dirk’s voice. “Sorry,” Todd says again.

“Todd,” says Dirk after a second, and then bursts out laughing.

Todd wipes his eyes. Dirk is rocking back and forth with laughter. Todd rescues Farah’s chocolates from sliding off the couch and tries to decide if this laughter is real or hysterical. “What?” he demands.

“I’m a terrible boyfriend,” says Dirk. “I called Amanda. That’s where the hand cream is from, I didn’t know about it till you pulled it out.”

“Is that,” says Todd slowly, “why it says ‘for your crusty-ass cuticles’ on the bottom?”

“Does it really?” says Dirk, choking on laughter. “I’m so sorry - I probably should have checked –”

Todd sinks back against the sofa. “I hate Valentine’s Day,” he says.

“Oh, darling, don’t say that,” says Dirk, snuggling up next to him. “Look, we’ve managed to be terrible boyfriends in the exact same way - that’s romantic, isn’t it?”

“I guess,” says Todd doubtfully.

Dirk leans his head on Todd’s shoulder. “My best option,” he confides, “was a box of chocolates with a black kitten on the front. It looked rather like Hammerhead. I was hoping I’d find a shark to go along, but apparently Safeway doesn’t consider that romantic.”

Todd plays back the sentence in his head. Then he lets out a groan. “Dirk,” he says, “I almost bought you shark chocolates.”

“You found them?” Dirk yelps. “Where? Do you think they’re still there?”

They are hopeless, Todd thinks. This is hopeless. But maybe they’re the right kind of hopeless together. He pulls Dirk closer to his side. “Let’s go tomorrow,” he says. “They’ll be on sale.”

“Excellent point, darling,” says Dirk, and kisses his cheek, and Todd thinks, maybe Valentine’s isn’t so bad, after all.

[realtasagartach]

I Have Thoughts, and I Must Write

Warning: Some spoilers

A couple of weeks ago, GLITCH and @gooseworx released The Amazing Digital Circus, a brand-new indie show. And it really is amazing. A short summary: Several humans are transported to a computer game with seemingly no way to escape. The ringmaster, an AI named Caine, comes up with different adventures to keep the captives “from going insane” as Ragatha put it. And when they do give up… Let’s just say it’s not pretty.

There are theories galore already with the pilot episode, and I’ve seen many videos that touch on the “C & A” thing that we see in that backrooms-esque thing Pomni runs through. But I’m not going to talk about that. I’m going to talk about a couple of things I’ve noticed that nobody else seems to be touching on.

Firstly, the fact that everyone forgets their names is genuinely terrifying. It’s the scariest part of the whole situation for me. In an early doodle gooseworx drew, it shows Pomni and Jax in which Jax says that they also forget what they looked like as humans. I don’t know about you, but if someone stripped me of my identity and tossed me onto a tiny island, I’d go absolutely nuts. More than Pomni by the end of it all. I think I could cope better if I could just remember my name and appearance.

Next is the fact that these characters can no longer eat, drink, or sleep now that they’re in the digital world. But they can feel pain? In the episode, Ragatha gets glitchy after encountering another character who “Abstracted” and crawled to where everyone is to be fixed up. She cries out, “I am in so much pain!” Now, I’d probably brush this off as an exaggeration if it were anyone else (Jax has said he’s hungry and asked if anyone wants to grab something to eat). Still, I’m inclined to believe that Ragatha is actually in pain and feels every bit of it. There was also one part where Jax was running, and he was out of breath. So, they need to breathe as well? Can they be suffocated? Can they feel anything else?

Keep in mind that this show has some inspiration from the post-apocalyptic story, I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream, in which an AI known as “AM” tortures the last few humans on Earth after decimating the planet and pushing them to their very limits. It’s more horrific than I’m letting on, and I don’t recommend anyone with sensitive stomachs to read it.

Lastly is Caine himself. I don’t know GLITCH or gooseworx, so I don’t know how much to trust them, but gooseworx has gone on record on Twitter that they’re a “fun-loving wacky little guy” even though he’s based on AM. I did notice something odd, though. GLITCH's channel has a series of “meet the character” shorts for every character in the episode. Every character besides Caine. That in itself is bizarre, but what's even stranger is that there is one for Bubble, the plucky sidekick to Caine that looks like they have the mentality of a fuecoco. Teeth like one, too. You’d think that the ringmaster of this circus would have his own introduction like everyone else. But he’s treated as more as The Cat from The Cat in the Hat. Someone who helps cause chaos but will help clean up when everything is done. I don’t know if I can take this at face value, but I’ll hold off on official judgment for the time being.

Bubble has his own short. Sure, Caine is there, but he’s not mentioned. Bubble is a character. But it doesn’t seem like Caine is. Something about Bubble is off somehow, and I don’t exactly trust him. If what gooseworx says is true, then Bubble is the most suspicious thing in this scenario. (Moon and Sun get the side-eye.)

So, these are my thoughts. I just had to get them out.

[dogtiber]

it is sit on the floor and play with puppy for three hours straight or he will cry my ear off time!

Tiber has been having lots of behavior? changes recently—nothing bad, it’s eating more and having lots lots more energy and confidence. I am assuming this is his meds doing their thing and his tummy feels better and his appetite is growing. it’s honestly really gratifying to see him so playful and happy. <3

but it has also thrown a bit of a wrench into our routines we’d settled into with him and how we’d previously been communicating. he is. so much more Loud than before. about everything. bork bork bork go go go all the time is driving us a little nuts. he’s also started trying to chew/dig on inappropriate stuff more frequently than he tried to before.

I think it might also just feel especially bad this week because we just got back from the road trip—and while dadtiber and I are still recovering from all the travel, Tiber certainly is not lol.

and that plus being restricted with enrichment options to entertain him has left us pretty tired. (and that’s not even accounting for the mystery chronic illness/fatigue with me and dadtiber’s odd hours and constant traveling for work lmao)

but I did finally try out turning his wet food into treats tho, and while they’re ugly and fragile, he likes them! did a little impromptu training session while I was de-molding them so glad we’ll be able to pick that back up again and get his brain working and hopefully tired out more.

dadtiber also wants to put him in daycare more often as well so he can run around and play with other dogs over there. I’d like to try to get in some more playdates with friends’ dogs too. and thinking about looking into interactive toys that don’t require food? like those self rolling balls and things? flopping cat toys? anyone tried those and do y’all’s dogs like them?

but tbh all this is gonna be on hold for another week anyway as we leave again on Monday (this time not really as much by choice—family medical emergency stuff going on with dadtiber’s family. also I hate the in-laws and my own parents aren’t a walk in the park either 🫠😭🙃 it’s gonna be an e x h a h s t i n g thanksgiving).

I really do adore seeing him more lively. but I would enjoy a nap lol

[ellaintrigue]

This guy's profile is NUTS. I'm going to copy and paste it since it's so long and doesn't screenshot well on my laptop:

"I sure hope you're enjoying that cold vanilla ice cream on this hot day. You could have at least put some sprinkles or hot fudge on top. Don't worry, I won't steal even a slight taste. To all the submissive women who play dominate. It's a turn off for that special guy with the magic touch. I could always just hump your leg like a dog if you prefer to continue that boring scam approach to dating? It's like a creaking bed, just oil it already. Just for today, lets substitute that with an overwhelmingly intoxicant style secret love affair addiction that might never end. The recipe of a roaring fire that best friends never taste? A lover and soulmate, not let's go to dinner and fake it scheme. I'm your favorite guilty pleasure food and your dating approach is a diet. Just cave and taste the good life without guilt, hesitation, or regret. Life without pleasure is no life at all. You don't truly live unless your push your limits on a regular basis. Crashing tsunami waves can be terrifying but I bet you are absolutely sick, tired, and bored of reading all of these fictitious profiles by now. These sweet talking liars are such a struggle. I feel the same torturing torment and am also ready to explode. They are even worse than the same old rhythm of your previous relationships. Might as well just get a cat, larger vibrator, and call it a day. Probably wondering what happened to all of those truth in advertising laws as they apply to online dating. The truth is that I am writing this profile at my friends wedding. This was the shove that pushed me to fluidly penetrate the online dating world. He met an awesome lady on here and now I am curious enough to unlock the basement door. I suppose this is less cliche than a bar, Walmart, or funeral. At least the negative ones show it quicker online than they would in person. Saves us from that awkward moment when someone turns creepy. I just hope that I live to tell the tale... Where do we begin? The chicken or the egg? The fingertips, hands, and arms? The toes, feet, and ankles? The hair, head, neck, and lips? Aristotle defined love as, “love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” I can be a genuine gentleman, true hopeless romantic, or an absolute filthy naughty bad boy. I'm educated, prepared, more loyal than any dog, hardcore, and a true ride or die man. I live an intentional, progressive, healthy lifestyle. Add a pinch of playful mischief and top with chocolate covered whipped cream. Then blend well in a hot tub. Brutal, savage, merciless, and a great cuddler who cooks healthy food. I smell good and you will never forget how tempting my touch can be. It all depends on what I eat for breakfast. Guess what I ate this morning...

Perhaps it's a crime of passion that I’m a gentleman in public and an absolute dirty animal in private. Holding the door open for you while making others jealous of the powerful connection that we have. Your best friend or worst enemy. Knowing exactly what creates goosebumps and sends that trembling shiver down your spine. I’m taller than you, exercise everyday, and refuse to shake hands with toxic fakes. I don’t tolerate BS, play games, or waste anyone’s time. I’m not on here for a meaningless hookup. I’ve never had a one-time thing and don’t want one. Hopefully that’s enough for you to swallow. We both know that nice guy that you want will never satisfy you. They often end up not being so nice in the end. I don't wear a mask. My direct openness and comfort in my own skin might initially throw you off. You need that dirty, intense, crazy, excitement as much as me. The true life blood of that deep bond is the passion which rarely happens by accident. I happen to agree with the Webster’s Dictionary’s definition of love, “A sexual passion or desire; a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.” I'm just foolish enough to believe in the complete partner package. Maybe now you can see why friendship just never goes deep enough. If you don’t know what you want, hangout with someone like me who knows what they want, how to obtain, build. maintain, and appreciate forever. Are you haunted enough by the law of diminishing returns? I offer an adventure which has the lottery ticket of becoming a forever real life dream come true. I shall shock your conscience into a deeper desire...

What percentage of men are over 6 feet tall, inshape, highly educated, don't cheat, put effort in to maintain a relationship, work hard at their career, and never use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco? Cocky? Maybe... or maybe I just see how most men are these days."

[asukamood]

Check this post to get an explanation on the AT used here.

Dreamswap belongs to onebizarrekai.

You don’t know how depressing it is to check the Drueswap tag on multiple days and see that your post is the most recent one— Anyways, here’s another short one shot because I love them.

***

“Blue, is that my hoodie?” Dream asked, already knowing the answer. The man had just returned from one of his countless trials because of Nightmare’s shenanigans. He was in the middle of putting his coat in the entrance when he noticed his husband unceremoniously sprawled on the couch, covered only by shorts and a faded yellow hoodie that looked twice his size.

Said man rolled over to look at him, azure eyes eyeing him up and down. "I'll never get over how gorgeous you look in a suit." He said, completely ignoring Dream's question. How typical of him.

The lawyer rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face still. "You're a dork." He shook his head, finally letting go of his coat and approaching the couch. "You should be eating dinner, so what are you doing?"

The nut-brown-haired man turned again to look at his husband, his lips twitching upward. "I was waiting for you, we still have time anyways." He raised his arms toward him while he was talking, hands opening and closing in Dream's direction. "You did take a while today, I demand an apology cuddle."

"Blue, I haven't changed yet." The smaller one frowned with a pout, which stayed for about a second until a smug look made its way on his face.

"Well if you needed help with that, you should have just asked~" A wink accompanied the sentence, to which Dream's cheeks heated up slightly.

"I don't need help with anything, thank you very much." He was about to leave when Blue grabbed him by the wrist.

"Come on Angel, don't leave me alone again. I'm bored." Blue whined childishly, trapping Dream's arm in his. "I almost died because of the silence you know? So hug me nooow"

"Blue, I'll dirty your clothes-- well, my hoodie, if I hug you right now. Plus you own enough clothes as is, you don't need to steal from my closet." Blue’s hold on Dream’s arm tightened.

“Who cares about that?” He pressed his forehead against his forearm with a pout. “We can always just wash them. Also, I know I don’t need to but it’s not my fault if your clothes are comfortable! Plus they have your smell so wearing them makes me feel like you’re here with me so I don’t feel as lonely.”

Dream felt his cheeks flared up. Goodness, that man was able to say such cute things like it was nothing. A sigh escaped him as he was forced to accept his fate. Throughout the few months they’ve been dating, Dream learned that Blue had a very strong grip and absolutely nothing could make him let go of you once he had latched onto you.

Without saying a single word, Dream laid down next to Blue who grinned and quickly snuggled into his chest. His arms wrapped themselves around his torso and their legs tangled with one another, forming an absolute mess of limbs.

The lawyer let out a small exhale as his head dug into the pillow, one of his arms working on circling the other’s waist as the other ran a hand through his chestnut locks, earning a little purr from the other.

“So how was work today? Not too tiring I hope?” Blue inquired, eyes closing to fully enjoy the experience of Dream petting his hair. Sometimes, he wondered if he didn’t have any cat DNA inside of his body because he sure acted like one at times.

“It was… fine.” The other answered, absently rubbing little circles on the other’s back. “Nightmare set another house on fire is all.”

Blue chuckled at Dream’s hopeless tone, heaving himself higher to press a quick kiss on his lips. “It’s nothing out of the ordinary so why the long face honey?”

The attorney decided to ignore how his face increased in temperature at the nickname or how warm he suddenly felt. “He blew up the mayor’s house this time, that’s why.”

Silence dawned over the room for a few seconds, letting Blue process the information. Once the meaning of the words settled down, he burst out laughing, chest vibrating from laughter as wheezes replaced his usual calm breaths.

“Oh my god-“ He snickered, muffling his amused sounds in Dream’s shirt. “I’m sorry but this is hilarious-“

Dream let out a groan. “You wouldn’t be saying the same thing if you were in my place, that trial was a pain in the butt.” Eventually, Blue’s laughter died down enough for him to say a sentence without getting interrupted by a wheezy breath.

“I’m sure you did just fine, you always somehow win Nightmare’s trials even though you have no case.” He reassured him, nuzzling Dream’s neck now that he was in the right angle to do so.

“The fact I keep winning them is truly a miracle, I have no idea how I manage to do that.” Dream smiled at the action but was so distracted by it that the hand on Blue’s hair stopped moving.

The latter backed away a bit to glare at the other. “You stopped. Keep petting me.”

Dream chortled, bringing him closer again and resuming said petting. At the return of the beloved gesture, the man let out a satisfied suspiration and went back to pressing himself as close as possible to Dream. The sweet scent of vanilla that usually followed his boyfriend everywhere lingered in the air and filled his nose. The smell was pleasant and associated with his beloved so he sure as heck wasn’t gonna complain about it.

Dream couldn’t quite see his face, since it was buried in his neck, but he could feel how happy Blue was which inevitably made him crack yet another smile.

Now, can you guess who are the two idiots in love who forgot about dinner because of how busy cuddling they were?

[thelovelybitten]

vera’s first watch of south park — season five (part 1)

lfg babes i’m bored so lets watch

EPISODE 1:

LETS GO NEW SEASONNNNNN

KEPT THE BANGER INTRO YES WOOOOTTT

there’s a shit counter HAHAH LETS SEE HOW THIS GOES LMAO

BUTTERS VANDALIZING THE WALL

but tbh he slayed it

EVERYONE EXCITED ABT THE FUCKING SHIT LINE I CAN’T

kyle: i don’t give a fuck (SO REAL)

NOT THE CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HAHAH

huh ?? raining frogs ???

timmy SAID IT LETS GO

kyle is abt TO BLOW UP

sand in the vagina — cartman will not let him go

GARRISON NOT THE F SLUR

S H I T

what the fuck are these the seven deadly sins or sumth

cartman and his shirt LMAO

okay KYLE POP AWF he’s my smart bby boy

shit…twice, BFFR

chef helping the core four solve this stuff KING SHIT

CARTMAN STOP

no NOT KENNY ANYONE BUT KENNY PLS

okay who the fuck is this guy

no kenny looks so sick :’(

oh WHAT THE HELL

a rune ??? okay

LAS VEGASSSSS LET’S GOOOO

GANDALF???

MEECROB OH MY GOD CARTMAN WAS RIGHT

JIMBO IS A HOMOSEXUAL INTERESTING

shit counter thru the roof

not A WHOLE ASS DRAGON

CARTMAN LET IT GO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

KYLE PREACHING 2 THE GOSPEL ICONIC

oh that was fucking feral i did not need to see all of kenny’s intestines

interesting ep

EPISODE 2:

FIRST NIGHT OF SCOUTS ?????

yO STAN THAT WAS OUTTA POCKET

timmy being strapped onto the back of the pickup

BUTTERS

KENNY AND STAN’S DAD ARE SHOOK

JIMMYYYYYY

give timmy his spotlight pls

well. last season he got it so ig give jimmy it

not the homophobia….

OKAY JIMMY POP OFF

JIMMY PLEASE NOT THE PLAN B JOKE

TIMMY BEING ROBBED BUT I LOVE JIMMY

BIG SILLY GOOSE

YOU DO NOT SAY BIG SILLY GOOSE— YOU CALL HIM AN ASSHOLE LIKE A NORMAL KID

but dad, i was just trying to—

STANLEY YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT.

asshole.

CRACKED ME UP LMAO

troop 69 oh they knew what they were doing

jimmy this is so bad

oh BUT THESE IMPRESSIONS FUCKING SLAYED

okay BUT DON’T GET TIMMY I’LL BE MAD

jimmy deserved

homophobia is not cute STOP

oh MY GOD TIMMY KNOWS WHAT’S UP

kenny jacket is bad luck ig

the way jimmy avoided everything

jimmy ripping on timmy is not cool i’m mad

NAKED PICTURES ?!?!?!?! NOT THE CHILD PORNOGRAPHY

butters tryna explain they being exploited

not THE PUPPIES CARTMAN

OH THEY FIGHTIN

kenny’s parents and brother in the chapel aw

OH FUCK THEY GOING AT ITTT

everyone and their mothers watching two disabled kids beat each other up… weird

not THE NUTS

NOT IT BEING BROADCASTED

hc: all those boys are scarred abt their nude photos being taken and the unfortunate thing is the photos get leaked when they’re in college and it’s so bad :(

wait has kyle not been here the whole time.

WAIT

oh FUCK KYLE WASN’T HERE

prolly bc of his religion or sumth

anyways get the homophobes so true and real

real

wait what

timmy wyd

timmy OH MY GOD LMAOOOOO

okay that last bit was funny alr

EPISODE 3:

radiohead special guests???

cartman wtf u mean u got pubes

wait what the fuck

stan real

KYLE ATE

nah don’t mess w cartman

CARTMAN U DID NOT ATTACH THOSE—

oh lord…

damn scott gaslit the gaslighter

this what he gets for being 8 years old

EW

oh beg FOR IT HE SAID GET HIM

also cartman deserves it

WOW SCOTT IS RUTHLESS

WENDY IN FRAME I MISS HER

everyone is so… dumbfounded

GOD CARTMAN LMAO THIS IS GOING NO WHERE

uhm. this is so awk

undercover cartman

okay pls hold must feed my cats

okay am back

wait must control my cats

back fr

NED NO

also wtf

cartman pls this is a gag

scott one upping cartman is so iconic

YO CARTMAN THIS WAS GENIUS NGL

WHAT THE FUCK CARTMAN THAT WAS TOO MESSED UP

tbh don’t mess w cartman

anyways gonna go 2 bed will continue at a later date

EPISODE 4:

GOOD EVENING GAMERS IM BACC

let's get’r done

not the terrance n phillip shit i dispise them

they shitting their PANTS FOR T AN P

kyle real for waiting for those tickets

oh kyle abt to eat those words oh no

YO TERRANCE IS BIG BRO

wait who the fuck is this

“kenny’s a random slut” damn cartman

clyde i love u my son

THEY GOING TO CANADA MY HOME

phillip being part of an acting crew ok

cartman right kyle oh boy

KENNY’S ARM WHAT THE FUCK— HE GONNA BLEED OUT

NOT HIS OTHER ARM :’((((

i’m sad abt kenny this is torture

mid ep :/

EPISODE 5:

oh damn… i’m sorry cartman

oh no wait this boy being ungrateful as normal

HUH SHE LEFT CARTMAN 1 MILLION DOLLARS

OH NO EGOMANIAC IS ON THE RISE

WENDY WYD FOLLOWING CARTMAN

kyle being real part 8393659373

he gonna. buy a whole ass amusement park for himself

NO NOT THE HEMORRHOID

not style angst

CARTMANLAND how fucking fitting.

style gonna beat his ass as they should

I NEED MY CWEAM— I NEED MY CWEEEEEEEM

properTAH

kyle in his delulu era

butters and clyde icons

STAN LSNDNCHSJDNCN I WISH U GOT AWAY W IT

KYLE U BETTER NOT DIE

kenny got bodied by that pole

kyle PLEASE MY SON DON’T DO IT

I LOVE WHEN KARMA KICKS CARTMANS ASS

“YOU ARE UP THERE ;”)” KYLE DSKHGHDSGSJJS UNHINGED

[crimsonblackrose]

1, 30?

1. what song makes you feel better? This one is tough. It depends on my mood. Right now I’ve been enjoying this song (and really the whole album):

30. what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)? Oh so many things. Star filled skies and the sounds of trains in the distance, corn that grows too high and standing on a porch watching storms roll in. The feeling of pussy-willow buds and lambs ears and prickly weeds. Weeping willows, daffodils, and the unexpected blooms of iris. The heavy scent of snowballs, honeysuckle, and lilac/ Barn swallows and the purr of cats. Watching caterpillars and rolly pollys, looking for mantis, walking through spiderwebs and the morning dew. Pie, pancakes with secret ingredients, kitchen witches and corned beef and hash. Tadpoles, snails, crawdads and goldfish, waterlilies and cats tails. Mint, clover and columbines. Morning mist and thick fog, waking up to frost, standing on metal grates as the heat blew through. Singing "My Favorite Things” in the car until we get lost, chocolate malts and diet pepsi, wind socks and the warmth of popcorn seeping through the bag while you hold it before the movie starts.

Deep dish pizza, listening to the trains rattle past, city lights and the occasional smell of chocolate. Parties to use up leftover food, zombie readings, slippery ice covered sidewalks, fireworks in the summer, getting donuts at three am after dancing all night, and sitting in the park in summer on a picnic blanket watching movies with friends. Board games that last over 6 hours, curling up on couches and the floor to watch movies. Opera sung in the stairwells, musical recitals and plays. The smell of fresh paint and carpet cleaner. Tea parties and burlesque. The morning rush waiting for elevators, the never ending spiral back down during fire drills. The smell of books, ink and paper. Making paper cranes and origami stars, butcher block, glue and scissors. Bohemian Rhapsody sung as a group spontaneously while waiting for the trains, penguin waddles huddled for warmth and to not fall on the ice while trying to cross the street.

Yellow ginkgo trees, persimmons, sweet potatoes and roasted chestnuts, pancakes filled with brown sugar and pine nuts that are too hot to eat right away, cherry blossoms and silver grass, long train rides and quiet taxi rides into the night. honey cookies and tea, paper dixie cups full of instant coffee, stirred with the yellow coffee packet. Mountains and a flooded river, golden bowls filled with milky alcohol, shot glasses, metal tongs and scissors flipping meat over and being alone in a large group, a tiny crab picked up on the mudflats in a cup that gets forgotten at a noribang. Let it Be, picked because I don’t have to ever sing it alone. Snails in the bathroom, spiders under the door, wasps in the stairwell, bats in the school, peacocks and chickens wandering the playground. Waiting in the cold for a taxi after the last train, or standing in the snow waiting for the bus. Milk tea and mochi donuts. Demands for candy. Pizza with sweet potatoes on it, ice cream, fried chicken and pickled radish. A warm floor.

[bbybaku]

can you do more BNHA college boyfriend content? I really loved the Shigaraki one (sorry, english is not my first language)

anything for you anon

(also youre english is perfect and so are you)

def gonna make this 2 parts lolol

mha college bf head cannons

shinso

sfw 

probably majoring in something finance related 

wants to take care of you 

as in you two go shopping like every other weekend

has a ton of money from investing in crypto currency and getting lucky 

yall also go out to eat all the time 

and not like fast food like nice sit down places

you two spoon constantly 

like sleeping face to face limbs intertwined

he loves to sit with his head between your legs while watching tv

or when you two are laying down and you hold his head into your chest and hee holds your hips

you both have apartments but he likes yours because its better deccorated than his

has an amazing taste in music 

makes you playlists all the time 

uses old spice deodorant

mr hitoshi is a man who always smells good 

has amazing hygene 

you talked him into growing his hair out

now hes always asking you to play with it  

is very good at school without even trying

which drives you crazy because he always talks you out of studying 

scares off a lot of people with his scary features

which makes his insecure and needed a lot of reassureance at the start of your relationship. 

but these days he owns your ass 

nsfw 

tpyically a soft dom

is huge 

took you a while to get used to how big he is 

likes to put you in stressful situations just so he can reassure you

“shhhh hey its okay im here” 

“this will stop if you use the safe word, hmm oh whats that you want to keep going?” 

“good girl” 

stressfull situations as in he over stimulates you every god dam time. 

nothing makes him harder than you crying from pleasure 

he spoils you

once spent $200 on toys just for you because he was going out of town for a week 

his gifts for you do come with a cost

shinso goes ferral for blowjobs

and he wants them all the time 

you have def given head in an alarming amount of public restrooms 

very into roleplay

almost jizzed his pants when you put on cat ears once 

same thing when you bought a maid outfit 

in case you were wondering, yes his pubes are purple too. 

sex playlist 

homeboy loves period sex

is very into aftercare

like reads womens magazines about it 

has a sexy voice and knows it

has a mirror in front of his bed because its all about eye contact 

definition of intamacy with this man 

knows how to treat his partner 

aizawa 

the thing about aizawa is he isnt your boyfriend he is your husband 

probaby in grad school for like english 

so a lil older 

but thats okay 

he makes up for it in being hot 

and he has cats 

with very obscure names like katsu and mochi 

since he was older he invited you to live with him 

you said yes of course 

the cats liked you right away 

apartment full of books and windows 

shouta drank wine almost every night 

would grade papers for the class he assisted in 

loved holding hands everywhere 

not the biggester spooner 

but would hold you really close on the couch while you two watched films while wine drunk 

he was an introvert so you two spent most nights in 

and when you two did go out it was always something interesting 

like trivia night, or seeing a band play, or going to a dinner party

was the kind of boyfriend who was really good at co existing with you 

like what is awkward silence 

the vibe is just so positive 

and you two are so comfortable with each other

nsfw 

mr aizawa is a kinky mf behind the scenes

he does not have sex he fucks

very good with ropes 

loved controlling you 

could fuck all day 

like man had stamina 

when you two went out to dinner he would push your underwear to the side finger you under the table 

and whisper other times hes humiliated you while you squirmed under his grip  

gotta call him daddy

or sir

or master

he is the type to tie you up with your arms behind your back and put a vibrator on your clit then just disappear for an hour

also big on choking

like real big on choking

he’ll just rest his hand on your throat while you two are doing mundane thing

also asserts dominance constantly

like holding your hips at the grocery store

kissing you in a crowded place

extremely possessive

probably has a few paddles

likes to spank

really likes to brat tame

you say “make me” and you are in for a wild night

man will wear rings when he fucks you

fingers you

and chokes you

you usually come first

unless you’ve been bad

then aizawa will edge you for hours

bakugou

sfw

the definition of “i hate everyone but you”

like once you figured out how to communicate with him

best bf ever

history major

lives in a house with like 6 of his friends

but don’t worry he has his own room

always at the gym

since he’s very muscular he rarely wears a shirt when you two hang out

and he always wants you to lay on top of him

like imagine him being the ceo of picking you up and throwing you on the bed

then jumping on you

kisses. bakugo would want to make out a lot

very temperamental

like if he’s hungry or sleepy or too hot he will snap at you

but you know by now not to take it personally

also would have a ton of funny nicknames for you

examples : headass, stinky, the first letter of your name or ugly

but he would say it in a loving way

❤️ hey ugly❤️

you loved his friends

didn’t know how he scored them with how mean he was

you two spent a ton of time just lounging in his bed

liked to play fight

and bicker

really liked deep convos too like he would push you to think harder and tell him more about yourself

he didn’t say it a lot but he really liked you

nsfw

katsuki bakugou is an ass man.

big dick energy

he’s the type who wanted you to ride him all the time

but he would be in control when you rode him like death grip on your hips

he also liked to hit if from the back

likes to slam into you

the way you jiggled made him harder

not the type to hold in his grunts and moans made a lot of noise during sex

his roomates hated you guys for how loud you were

def likes his girls a lil chubby

grabbed your ass every chance he had

found porn stars that look like yours make jerking off more fun

loves fingering you.

also big degrader

you two had a lot of angry sex and a lot of make up sex

got real cranky when he was horny and couldn’t have you

took videos of you during sex to rewatch later

you got so turned on when he snapped at you

it drove him nuts

basically you two fucked a lot lol

masterlist