#but definitely gave us a pause and made us think about whats important (our cat. everything else is replaceable.)

[doctorweebmd]

accidentally* brainstormed a very complete outline for chapters 4-8 for eih, which should theoretically take us through Part 1. which is. you know. a godsend or whatever.

*accidentally meaning i was just eating delicious pancakes and the thoughts happened. usually its me crying screaming and shitting myself in front of an empty word document where ideas manifest. this is notably much more pleasant.

[tigirl-and-co]

Specks of Dust in Hallowed Halls

Part 2; Linguistics

Part 1, the introductory chapter, is here!

Now we get into the shippy stuff! And bonus points for anybody who recognizes the book I've chosen here

"Howlsong, who had fallen asleep at the outer edge of the canyon while he waited, led them silently back through the forest. Fritti, full of vague resentment and doom, had no conversation to offer, either. After a long stretch of unspeaking travel, Pouncequick finally broke the stillness.

"Just think, Tailchaser," he said, "we've actually been to see the Queen of Cats!""

You were curled up in a nook that you had unofficially claimed as your own somewhere in the human residence. Made more comfortable by a few blankets and pillows, you had chosen it for its out-of-the-way location and because Metroplex could both see the spot with a camera and use a nearby speaker to talk with you.

In your lap was your phone, currently accessing his personal communication line, which let him hear your voice.

Metroplex loved your voice. It was his favourite sound, the most wonderful melody he'd heard in all his unfathomable eons of existence. Every syllable, every stutter and stumble was permanently caught in his memory circuits, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

And when he learned you had a collection of books back on earth, he had practically begged you to import some to read to him. Not only was he desperate to hear your voice, Metroplex was also curious about you. What you liked to read, what the human culture you hailed from was like, what you thought about things...

So, you found yourself contacting a friend on earth to bring a few books to the supply ship every so often, and spending a bit of extra cash to get them shipped here and back. You didn't mind. It felt nice to be heard. To have your interests acknowledged and considered important.

And, quite honestly, you simply enjoyed hearing him speak. The deep rumble was both soothing and impossible to ignore, and his contemplative nature gave every statement the gravitas of some ancient philosopher comprehending the universe.

"So, Metty, what'd you think of that chapter?" you asked, keeping your own opinions out of it. You were just as interested in his thoughts as he was in yours.

A few moments of pause. "Hm... are human noble courts typically like that?"

You chuckled. Of course that's what he picked out- he'd borne witness to much more sophisticated councils time and time again. In fact, some other part of his processor was probably preoccupied with one now.

"Honestly? Never been. But if I walked in to one and it went like that, I wouldn't be surprised in the least. Fancy people looooooove making overly complex routines and rules and then not actually doing anything to help." You looked up into his camera and beamed at him. "But I get the feeling that sort of behaviour isn't unique to my species."

You felt as much as heard his merriment at that one. "No, it truly is not. Although I've found Cybertronians prefer bureaucracy to bloodlines."

You snuggled back into your nook, still making eye contact with the camera as you got ready for what was certain to be the nerdiest bout of flirting any human had ever partaken in outside of a lab. "Ah, humans most definitely get up to red tape and government nonsense too, but I'm afraid that compared to millions of years of rule-writing, ours would pale in comparison."

You smirked. "Although I'd like to see what would happen if somebody addressed Prime as 'Your Regal Softness.'"

Metroplex desperately wished he had finer control over his internal mechanisms so that he could embrace you right now. But he would have to settle for watching you curl up against his walls. "Knowing that mech, he would assume it was an actual title and wear it with pride."

You burst out laughing at the image, and how it didn't seem all that far-fetched. You both respected Optimus, but that didn't mean you couldn't be irreverent about him in private.

And as you chatted with the titan, book now just conversational fuel, you were struck by how easy it all was. The meandering levity, the way you each made both space and time for each other...

And how easy he was to love.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.99 The llama

"What is it?" she asked.

I was so smiley and nervous. This was one of those things that could go left really quickly, and I didn't want that at all. But I felt like we couldn't ignore it anymore. No married couple knew every single thing about each other, and I looked forward to learning the good, bad, and ugly about Sophia as time went on. But this? Family dynamics were basics. Previously, I tried to blame it on the newness of our relationship, but she and I were not new to each other. She had plenty of opportunities to share this story with me while we got to know each other as friends. I shouldn't have been wondering if her parents were alive or dead still.

"I think, uhhh... I think it's time we talk about...your parents...if that's okay."

She sighed heavily, but not in an annoyed, exasperated way. It felt like she conceded reluctantly, torn between not wanting to but knowing she had to.

"Yeah...I guess I have kept you in the dark long enough."

I almost told her she didn't have to if she didn't want to, but I bit my tongue. We were married, and I didn't intend to end up like my parents. Sharing the hard things with each other was of utmost importance to me.

"I'm adopted...as you know."

She paused for a few moments, staring at the floor, searching for the right words. She found some, but her eyes remained on the floor.

"When you adopt a child, you don't get to choose who joins your family."

She let that line hang in the air for a moment and had me on the hook already.

"You simply state what age you prefer and wait for an agent to arrive with a child. My parents...I think they were just so enamored with the idea of finally having a child of their own, they failed to consider this."

My stomach felt queasy. I had no idea where the story was about to go, but it was definitely not heading in a positive direction.

"They didn't want you?" I asked nervously.

She hesitated.

"They would take offense to you saying that, but they often made me feel that way. I wasn't mistreated or anything. They made sure I had everything I needed and took care of me to the best of their ability. But they didn't love me."

I groaned in agony, thinking of what she must have gone through in her childhood. My parents may have put me through a lot, but never have I ever doubted their love for me. I believe their love sustained me. Who or where would I be without that?

"Sophia...I'm so sorry."

She shrugged and kept going.

"I used to be sorry, too. Throughout my childhood, I thought I was the problem and needed to be better. But as I got older, I realized there was nothing I could do. I was a pretty freakin' amazing daughter. They were the ones with the problem."

The cat was out of the bag, but I was still nervous.

"But...how did you know?" I asked. "I mean, what did they do?"

"To start, they never gave me their name. They claimed they wanted me to remain connected to my heritage or whatever, but that was cowplant poop."

Given that we just got married, that one cut deep. I think it would upset me greatly if Sophia didn't take my name. That tradition had seriously deep significance, and they didn't give it to their own child? I feared what else she would tell me.

"They always made a big deal about where I came from. We read books, watched documentaries, and whatever they could get their hands on so I understood what kind of blood flowed through my veins. In truth, it's really great they did that. So many adopted sims are clueless about their histories. But when I got older, I found it to be weird. Like, they put all this energy into teaching me about my biological history, yet I didn't have relationships with my own family. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen my aunts and uncles and cousins... I felt like they were trying to get me interested in my biological family so I could go find them and forget about theirs."

Both my parents were the only child, so I had no extended family to speak of. Still, I couldn't imagine my parents not interacting with them. I don't think we would be super close, but I'd have a relationship with them, at least.

"We never went on vacations and barely went to local places together. My parents were not wealthy, so it took them a while to save they money to adopt me. It was easy to think we didn't go anywhere because we couldn't afford it or because they were older. But one time, my mom took me to the park. I was sooooo excited to be outside among other kids. I found something and wanted to show it to her, so I picked it up and ran over yelling, 'Mommy! Look!' She was talking to some other parents. The look on her face when I finally reached her... I was almost a young adult when I realized what that was because I'd seen it many times by then. She was embarrassed. The other moms were looking at her for answers because they'd never met me before, and she clearly never told them she had adopted a brown child."

Maybe all the sims in my six degrees of influence were just cool because no one ever made a big deal about me having mixed heritage. I wasn't naïve enough to believe that kind of thing didn't happen, but how could sims be so ignorant? I had no trouble imagining Sophia being the perfect child, but that was not enough for them, and it angered me. How could they go through the heartbreak of realizing they couldn't birth their own children, struggle through saving the money to adopt, finally get a child, and not shout it from the rooftops? What kind of parent is ashamed of their own kid??

"Like I said," she continued, "they took good care of me, but they kept me at a distance. By my young adult birthday, I had a clear picture of the situation, so I left home and never went back. Their care was an obligation, not love. It took me a while to see, but I was empty and it affected me; I hated them for it. I wanted to be loved so bad and went from relationship to relationship trying to fill that void in my heart. My ex was cheating on me pretty much the entire time, and I knew about it. I was that desperate for the crumbs he left me. It took a while, but eventually realized what a gem I am and what a llama turd he was. I didn't have to settle for crumbs. And I didn't have to be anyone's obligation. My parents had died by then and left me some money, so I broke up with him and went on vacation for the first time in my life."

I smiled.

"Mt. Komorebi?"

"Mmm hmm. It always looked so pretty and peaceful in pictures, and I definitely needed some peace. I went to spend time with myself, heal, and reset my mind. Then I met you."

"Wow. I had no idea you had gone through so much then."

"I just wanted it all behind me. I'm sorry for not saying anything. I know it wasn't fair."

I loved her before and tried to show her as much as possible, but I was even more compelled to ensure she never questioned my love for her. She was no obligation to me. It was an honor to love her, especially knowing she chose me after deciding what she deserved and how she wanted to be treated. I vowed to cherish her with every pixel of my being for the rest of my life.

[stellocchia]

Since people often seem to think that Tommy’s and Dream’s dynamic is something that was established in season 2 and sorta came out of nowhere before that, I thought I’d finally take a look at the evolution of it throughout season 1. 

From here on out, of course, I’ll be talking exclusively about the characters. It is also to be kept in mind that season 1 was a LOT less scripted, so there may be streams and moments that I leave out as they don’t seem to be too impactful or they lack canonicity. So sadly the whole stream where they build Church Prime that has Dream comparing himself to God for 2 hours has to go...

 This will undoubtedly be an EXTREMELY long one, so be prepared for it...

Let’s go step by step in chronological order, shall we? 

THE DISCS WAR PREQUEL

By now a lot of people know that the Disc Saga wasn’t actually started by Tommy, but here’s a refresher anyway: Ponk started it off by pranking Sapnap’s base, in retaliation Sapnap burned down Ponk’s lemon tree. With this Ponk allied himself with Alyssa and the two started a war against Sapnap. 

Later Tommy joins the server. Tommy obtains the first netherite cheestplate in the server and it’s promptly stolen by Sapnap. Later again Sapnap uses the netherite chestplate to blackmail Tommy into joining his fight against Ponk and Alyssa. Tommy just refuses ang gets his armour back, but he considers Sapnap’s offer because of: Alyssa setting him on fire and Tubbo (who was mostly neutral but leaning towards Ponk and Alyssa) had made him loose his stuff the day before.

Dream arrived then to stop the fighting, but Sapnap and Tommy decided to kill him instead (non-canonically of course). Sapnap killed him twice and Tommy once. In retaliation Dream stole Cat and Mellohi. Sapnap stole one of the disks back and then they retrived the other one and Tommy hid them near his base.

So what does this tell us? Tommy most definitely wasn’t the one who instigated the conflict, nor the one who escalated it. YET, he was the only one Dream focused on. And remember, while a proper coherent storyline didn’t exist back then we know that the wars were at least somewhat scripted (thanks to cc!Dream telling us so on the Eboys Podcast). They also kept their characters characterization pretty consistent throughtout, which means we had the first hints of their dynamic all the way back here.

ESCALATION OF THE DISC WAR

(From Tommy’s main channel it’s: “Dream is a Psychopath.”)

Everything could have been over then, but Dream was still pissed he lost, so he removed all the floring of Tommy’s base (escavating all the dirt from in front of it) in order to find the disks and take them back. At this point, after once again stealing the disks, Dream asked Tommy for his netherite chestplate (again, only one on the server at the time) in exchange for them. Also, an actual conversation they had: 

Tommy: “Dream! Was this you that destroyed my entire base and re-named the sign to ‘BitchBoy enterprise?!” 

Dream: “I didn’t touch the sign. I didn’t destroy your base either it’s just the f- the dirt” (note: as I said before, all the dirt was removed, but, hey, he didn’t touch the chickens and the carrot farm!)

Also:

Tommy:“Dream, you removed the ENTIRE floor of my base” 

Dream: “It’s YOUR fault. It’s your fault...” 

T: “How is it MY fault?!” 

D: “‘Cause you hid the disks!” 

T: “Yeah, because they’re MY disks!” 

D: “You hid the disks and I’ve taken them back, okay?”

If this doesn’t sound like the beginning of the Obsession Arc, I don’t know what does! 

But, in all seriousness, even back then for c!Dream the key of everything in the server was Tommy, though at the time he was just “the reason for conflict”. Still it’s pretty obvious that the disk conflict could have ended before it started if Dream didn’t decide to escalate things (though, as it’s obvious by the conversation, he blames his own actions on Tommy as we see him do in later seasons).

Anyone wondering about the gravity of Tommy killing Dream once non-canonically before this: In this video Dream kills both Tommy and Tubbo twice in the first 10 minutes. Yeah, he’s not any better. Btw, this is the video with the fight they then mimicked in the finale and they actually loose this one as well. 

Tommy: “What is your obsession with this disks? Why don’t you just give them back?” 

Dream: “No because I can get something in return for them, I don’t care about the disks”

Oh what simpler times when blackmail was just simple old blackmail to obtain material possessions... 

Btw, this one ended with basically a double scam where Dream gave them fake disks and they logged off with both the fake disks and the netherite chestplate.

(Main channel: “mission: kill dream (FINALE)”)

Tubbo: “Please do not tell me you have sentimental attachment to the bullshit disks...”

Early theme of attachment back in season 1. Either way Tommy has been portrayed as an extremely sentimental character that develops attachments scarily fast from all the way back in season 1. C!Dream’s idea of him he expresses in the finale isn’t born from nothing.

Anyway, Tubbo and Tommy use the composter glitch to find Dream’s base to try and get back the disks, but they aren’t there, so they end up going for the original exchange, this time with no scamming included. Tommy get’s his disks back, while Dream gets Tommy’s netherite chestplate. Just to point out: at this point Dream was the one completely at fault. Tommy was dragged into a war he wasn’t involved in and yet was the sole one to be punished for it and Dream couldn’t just accept a defeat so heavily griefed Tommy’s base and stole back HIS posssession. Dream is the main instigator here, yet he blames it ENTIRELY on Tommy from the start. Literally their dynamic started off pretty f*cked. 

Still, since Tommy didn’t want to keep risking loosing stuff to Dream for the disks he decided to make an ender chest for himself. He gets some blaze powder and ender pearls from Punz in exchange from an apple (that was too sweet not to include) and then, when it comes to getting the obsidian is when Dream realizes what he’s been doing. You’d think he’d be fine with it considering they already had a “fair” exchange (aka Dream’s blackmailing had been succesful), but nope. He hunts down both Tommy and Tubbo, but fails in killing them and they manage to put the disks away safely.

L’MANBURG BEGINNING

As we know Wilbur founded L’Manburg and Dream did not like that, so he declared war on them. Here’s the speach: 

“Tommy! (pause) And Wilbur and the rest of L’ManChildburg, we are at war. There is no mercy. We’ve burnt down Tubbo’s house. We’ve planted tnt cannons around your land. We have cobblestone walled the outside and we shot ONE warning shot inside your walls ans an explosion and we have NO MERCY! NO MERCY FOR YOU! Do you understand? We will come! We’ll burn down your houses, we will kill anything inside your walls and we’ll take back the land that is rightfully ours if you do not surrender. I want to see WHITE FLAGS! WHITE FLAGS OUTSIDE YOUR BASE BY TOMORROW, AT DAWN, OR YOU’RE DEAD!”

So, a couple of things to unpack here:

1) Dream first and foremost singles out Tommy who, if you all remember, was NOT the leader of L’Manburg. He was barely Wilbur’s right hand man and had only been confirmed as such recently at that point. He is not the leader and YET, in how the speach is enunciated it’s obvious that it’s directed at him specifically.

2) For anyone wondering if Dream could be considered a villain back in season one: so far the people from L’Manburg had done nothing but frolic in the flowers. They were a group of pacifists that refused to use any armour and Dream’s reaction to them is to kill them all and burn anything they built. And he’s doing all this because he thinks he’s entitled to all of the land in the smp and even something as small as og L’Manburg had no right to exist free of his rule.

(Always from the main channel: “Doomsday.”)

Two important things for their relationship happen here: Dream deciding, out of everyone, to kill Tommy specifically in the final control room and the duel (or more so the result of the duel). 

It is something back then no-one wondered about, but why would Dream, the leader of the Greater Dream SMP, go after the second in command instead of the leader? Possibly for the same reason he singled out Tommy in the declaration of war? Possible foreshadowing of their future dynamic?

Also, may I mention that Dream was the one to add the condition that, on top of not getting independence for L’Manburg, Tommy had to give up one of the disks (mellohi) if he lost? And Dream being the one to mention it is the reason why Tommy knew they were valuable to him in the first place. It’s the reason why Tommy proposed the deal of his disks for L’Manburg independence (which worked, which tells us a whole lot about when Dream’s obsession withe the disks started. Man was willing to take an L to have THAT sort of control over Tommy already in season one)

POGTOPIA

Jump to when Tommy and Wilbur get exiled. A lot happens here, but, for the function of this analysis, I’ll only be talking about what pertains to Dream’s and Tommy’s relationship. 

So, at the beginning of exile Dream offers his support for Pogtopia leaving a chest specifically for Tommy (once again, not Wilbur, the leader, but Tommy. He also gives Tommy a lot more stuff then Techno who was arguably a much more valuable asset). In the chest there was: a full set of netherite armour, 3 stacks of ender pearls, an enchanment table, a netherite sword, Dream’s crossbow (”Definitely not penis”), a stack of golde apples, 1 enchanted golden apple, 1 stack of diamonds, 17 obsidian, 3 potions of strenght, a stack of steak and a book written by Dream called “Tyrant” which, again, is addressed soley to Tommy. (In the book he basically says that he doesn’t like Schlatt and that he’s only going to help from the shadows because he can’t directly involve himself). 

Now, for the standards of the time, that was A LOT of stuff. Dream clearly wasn’t half-assing his support to Tommy there (I’d say to “Pogtopia” but, again, it was all specifically for Tommy). He keeps up his help when he intervenes in favour of Tommy in the Battle of the Lake (from the vods channel: “TommyInnit, Dream & Technoblade TEAM UP (dream smp war)”). Before that however he also helps Tommy to lava cast (or attempt to) the Eiffel Tower (built for Karl’s and Sapnap’s honeymoon). For this battle Dream also gives Mars (Sapnap’s and George’s fish) to Tommy (together with quite a few more ender pearls). Their relationship up until this point seems to have improved quite a bit with Tommy immediately trusting Dream again (he seems to be always inclined to trust Dream much in the same way he’s always inclined to trust Wilbur) and Dream seemingly being supportive (although that was actually because he needed both Manburg and Pogtopia to disappear as we discovered later on). 

Fast forward again we have the moment when their relationship sours again: Dream provides Wilbur with the tnt. With this momement we have the confirmation that Dream truly was only siding with them for his own self-interest (as he always considered L’Manburg as his own propriety, independence or not, and he wasn’t happy with Schlatt wanting to expand and being morw ambitious then Wilbur ever was) and Tommy also looses part of his trust in him, though not completely. 

You see, their relationship is a bit more complex then that. In season 1 even when Tommy and Dream were enemies there was never really much bad blood between them. And when I say this I mean that Dream in particular didn’t let there be much bad blood between them, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

After Quackity joins Pogtopia they try to make a plan to get L’Manburg back that would not include blowing it up. After that fails (from the vods channel: “Dream BETRAYS TommyInnit during the Dream SMP Meeting...”) and Fundy joins Pogtopia as well Dream announces that Schlatt gave him something “more valuable then frienship” and he’s now siding with him and leaves the Pogtopians announcing that there is a traitor among them. 

Wilbur: “Dream just wants to be on the side of the rebellion and now that we are the dominant force technically... isn’t that right Dream? Would you say you just want to be on the other side? You just want to be on the other team?” 

Dream: “No I- I don’t think so...” 

Tommy: “Dream’s the good guy Wilbur” 

D: “I think I’d say that my interest is in myself”

So, despite everything, Up to this point Tommy still trusted Dream. Fully trusted him. But now, soon after this conversation, Dream explicitely tells them that he never considered them “friends” they were “convenient allies” for him (a mindset that he carries on later on and brings to an extreme). 

Now you’d think that was the breaking point right? I mean the whole vod was also titled “Dream betrays Tommy” and Dream just left them telling Tommy specifically that no, they were not friends (though Tommy didn’t agree on that point, much like with Techno later on). But that’s not were Dream leaves it. 

First he allows Tommy back in his old base to get some stuff once they’re alone (despite having just said in front of Wilbur, Quackity and Fundy that he’d stab him if he tried going back)

Tommy: “I just don’t understand, why would you team with Schlatt?��

Dream: “Tommy... I’m a business man, you know what that’s like”

T: “No I don’t”

D: “Well you do, of course you do”

God since exile that damn soft condescending tone he does hits me so different... anyway. As you see as soon as he’s alone with Tommy he starts being more friendly, less formal. He also takes on a more menacing persona (I really don’t know how he manages to do both at the same time... no wait, exile. He acts more like how he did in exile). Anyway the switch is actually pretty interesting to see. 

Tommy: “Why would you not team with us?”

Dream: “Tommy... I’ve never been on your team. I have never been on your team, ever!” 

T: “Well I’ve been in your team...”

D: “Wel I- I’m not saying you have. I’ve never been on your team. I’ve never been on anyone’s team” 

And with this we are done with their important interactions for this stream, but wait! They have a war in a few days, right? Well, Dream makes sure to spend that time with Tommy. Like, a lot of it. 

All of “Dream bullies TommyInnit for having low viewers.” Is Dream following Tommy ominously around while mildly inconveniencing and somewhat helping when they’re supposed to be enemies (it’s literally one of my favourite vods, it’s great! It was also the one vod that sparked the “Dream is obsessed with Tommy” theory in me. Yes I’ve had it from all the way back then, but I also was right, so...). 

Tommy: “Okay, so you know how we’re going to war in 7 days time?”

Dream: “Yes”

T: “like, ME and YOU are going to war...”

D: “Yes”

T: “Yes, yeah so I need to- I- it feels very strange to be- I need to prepare for THAT”

D: “Well, what do you need?”

Dream then proceeds to half-help him half-stop him from getting gold in the nether. The whole vod is like this. It definitely has a very weird atmosphere as it’s clear that both of them are fully aware of their respective roles in their upcoming war, but Tommy doesn’t know what to do and Dream is clearly willingly ignoring it all. It’s pretty jarring to watch tbh (together with being a hilarious vod to watch) and it helps starting to paint the picture of Dream having the level of dependence on Tommy that we know he has now.

Then there is “TommyInnit, Dream & Sapnap's PET WAR FINALE” which is LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE THE WAR. Here Dream, once again, decides to spend the whole time with Tommy. He helps him against Sapnap (who is Dream’s ally) and even decides to lead Tommy to Sapnap’s and Punz’s secret base where they keep their animals and starts encoraging him to kill them. Tommy, of course, refuses and the whole pet war finishes with Sapnap and Tommy releasing Mars and promising to be friends once the war was over. 

Like, honestly, if anyone in Pogtopia had known about this interactions maybe they could have suspected Tommy of being the traitor for legitimate reasons instead of misinterpreting him entirely as a person and thinking he just wanted to be president... and you’d think that, maybe, THAT was Dream’s goal, but... not really? He always made sure to spend time with Tommy when there was no-one from Pogtopia around. In all 3 of this vods he is drastically different when they’re alone and, I mean, he stopped hidining how he is with Tommy only during Doomsday (when he gave his speach on the obsidian grid to Tommy, not caring that Tubbo and Quackity were both there).

To finish it off, we know that season 1 ends with Dream fighting alongside Technoblade and nothing else of significant happens for their relationship. Still, I hope this was comprehensive enough to show that, most definitely, his obsession with Tommy and the having power over Tommy is not a new concept for Dream. It’s something that got worse with time, but it’s most definitely not something new. The main thing that changed throughout season 1 and 2 was Tommy’s perception of Dream (which went from easy trust and friendship to hatred and fear), not vice versa.

Also may I add that Dream's constantly acting friendly when they most definitely aren't is probably one of the reasons why Tommy was so predisposed to accepting Dream as his friend in exile? Just a thought...

@ladycatland

[haechanniesunflowers]

Ateez reaction to you being hurt

notes: I'm feeling angsty today

Seonghwa

He had a hard day, practicing for hours on end for Ateez's 10th year anniversary concert. He wanted to get home and pour his heart out in front of you and just spend time with you. But he came home and you weren't there much to his dismay, but he waited for you. It was raining heavily. He called you again and again but you weren't answering making him anxious and adding to his frustration. Three hours later, the rain still hadn't stopped and he was scared and furious. The bell rang and Seonghwa opened the door. You stood there, completely drenched in the rain. He stepped aside to let you in. You walked inside and got to the living room when he pulled you by your arm to make you face him.

"where the hell were you? And why weren't you answering your damn phone?" he tone was harsh.

"Seonghwa please, not now I-"

"no we need to talk about this now! answer me! Do you know how worried I was? And I was already frustrated to begin with!"

You lowered your head and let the tears spill but it seemed like the rain water was dripping down your face.

He shook you arm to pull you, making you lift your face and roughly pull out of his grasp. That's when he saw the tears.

"I had a bad day too! Okay? My awful coworkers took credit for my project that I worked so hard on! And on top of that I locked the car with the keys, my wallet and phone inside! And I had to walk home because I didn't have any money for a bus or a cab! There! Got your answer!"

Seonghwa's eyes softened at your words and he tried hugging you but you pulled back.

"no I'm not in the mood and I'm drenched"

You went to your room and locked yourself in the bathroom to cry in the shower.

Hongjoong

The track he was working on was almost ready and he wanted you to be the first person to hear it so he called you to invite you over to his studio.

"hey babe what are you doing?"

"nothing much Joong. What's up"

"can you come over in the evening? I want you to listen to my song"

There was a pause from your end.

"hello? Baby can you hear me?"

"ye-ah Joongie. I'm busy these days, I'm so sorry. I'll try to come after the next week."

"no that's okay, you don't need to put your work aside. I'm free today since I finished the song, I'll come over. How does that sound?"

"I'll tell you in a few hours, okay?"

Hongjoong felt something was off so he quickly got done with his files and saved the track and packed up. He drove straight to your apartment and knocked on the door. You didn't expect to see Hongjoong at the door so you hid behind the door after opening it. He eyed you suspiciously.

"are you okay?" he asked, pushing the door slightly to get inside.

"yeah why do you ask?" you spoke nonchalantly, standing in the akimbo pose.

"you're acting... unusual"

"nonsense"

He slid it aside and took you towards your bedroom. He found it unusual how you were walking slowly and stopped.

"you're hurt." he stated and his suspicion was confirmed when you didn't answer.

"I slipped and sprained my ankle. I didn't want you to worry so I didn't tell you and I didn't agree to meet you"

He picked you up and laid you on the couch, snuggling next to you.

"I'm here to take care of you" he whispered and turned the TV on.

Yunho

Yunho is always in a good mood when he gets to see you. He wants to make the best use of the time he gets to spend with you. So during his break, you guys went to his home town to meet his parents but you stayed in a hotel even though he insisted that you stayed at his house. But you were a woman of principles and didn't think it was appropriate to stay at your boyfriend's house before marriage. He came to pick you up in his car and took you to an amusement park. You guys took roller-coaster rides and other scary looking rides too. He asked if you wanted to eat something and proposed the idea of going to a restaurant but you you told him that hotdogs from the vendors in the park would be nice and that you wanted to stay there longer and get on more rides. After eating you two took that discovery ride. While getting off you felt a little dizzy and tripped on something and fell. Yunho quickly helped you up and asked if you were okay and you told him yes, even though your ankle hurt a lot. After the fun time, he drove you back to your hotel. As you got off, you winced in pain and knelt to the ground, clutching your ankle. He worriedly got out the car and came to your side.

"your ankle is swollen" he spoke, concerned.

"it's fine, I can manage"

"are you kidding me? Why didn't you tell me you're hurt?"

"because I didn't want to ruin tee date"

"you can't stay here y/n, you're coming out with me"

"I said it's okay Yunho, I'll take painkillers and an ice pack, I'll be fine"

"I'm sorry you got hurt"

"you don't need to be sorry babe" you said and kissed him.

Yeosang

Yeosang wanted to go skateboarding with you but you didn't know how to ride a skate so he took it upon himself to teach you even though you gave the idea of him skating and you cycling next to him but he said no. He took you to a nearby park and helped you learn for over a month. When he deemed you ready, he encouraged you to ride it on your own with him holding your hands or your waist. You took a deep breath.

"you can do this" he smiled.

"I hope so" you replied and steadied yourself.

"I can already see us skateboarding down the road. I can't wait"

"okay here goes nothing"

You gained momentum with your foot pushing the board forward and continued with a steady pace.

"I'm doing it! Yeosang I'm doing it!" you cheered but made the mistake of looking back towards him which made you lose your balance since you were relatively new to this. You fell on your back but broke your fall with your arm.

Yeosang rushed towards you and helped you up. You yelped in paid when he grabbed your arm.

"it hurts so much" you shook.

He took you to a hospital where the doctor told you your wrist was dislocated.

He felt awful and blamed it on himself. He stayed by your side before and after your surgery and even helped you with your daily life stuff until you got better. You were happy to spend a lot of time with him and told him it wasn't his fault.

"you are never riding a skateboard again. Like ever."

San

You were visiting Namhae to meet San's family. He always talked about them and told you how important they were to him so you paid them a visit, knowing it would make San the happiest.

You were sat on the couch, chatting with his sister while the TV was on. It was a random drama which none of you were interested in, rather wanting to talk about girl stuff.

"Sannie is a sensitive one, though he doesn't show it" his sister let you know.

"I know, I have never seen him cry. I used to think he doesn't care but then I found out that he's just very good at controlling his emotions."

You two were indulged in the conversation and didn't see San entering the room with Byeol in his arms.

"Y/N I want you to meet our family's master"

You and his sister giggled.

"Byeol, this is Y/N. I hope you come to terms with the fact that your position as the girl I'd die for has been taken by her."

You were a blushing mess and had butterflies in your stomach. San was always kind and loving towards you. And as if Byeol had understood what San had said, she started acting up.

"can I pet her?" you asked, earning encouraging nods from the Choi siblings. You stretched your hand you gently pet her head but Byeol acted first and violently scratched your hand, drawing blood.

"Byeol no!" San whined as the cat hissed at you and ran to the other room.

You clutched your hand tightly, trying to soothe the pain but it came in waves and burned. San worriedly came closer to you and him and his sister examined your hand. There was definitely blood coming out of the claw marks. They had to take you to the hospital to get you tetanus shots.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, your hand is ruined and you're in pain because of me"

"not because of you Sannie, it was Byeol but you can't really blame her, she an animal after all"

Mingi

Mingi took you to the dance studio to show you the new dance he choreographed. He was happy with it and spent a lot of time perfecting it and wanted you to see it. You were supportive of his ambitions as a rapper and a dancer, aside from Ateez. He was grateful for you for being by his side and understanding the time and effort it required. You never complained when he was unable to make time for you sometimes, knowing that he was working hard. The bond you shared was strong and you two were inseparable.

"okay I'm gonna start, queue the music"

And with that he started dancing. You were in awe of the way his body moved and how effortlessly he executed the difficult moves. You clapped when he finished.

"wow Mingi... this is... wow... I'm so proud" you were at a loss of words.

"come on I'll teach you the floor move, it's the easiest"

It was the easiest, for a trained dancer that is. You both didn't realize how difficult it actually was. You, because you weren't a dancer and Mingi made it look like a piece of cake. Mingi, because it came naturally to him and he had insane body control so he thought it was actually easy.

He taught you how to slide using your core strength. You didn't have a strong core to begin with, so you landed on your knee and pain shot up in your leg. You clutched it and let out a whine. Mingi took a look at it saw it reddening.

"I'm sorry for making you do this" he shook his head.

"nah I shouldn't have said yes" you smiled, not wanting him to be upset.

"let's get you home"

Wooyoung

He kept his artist of the month news a secret from you. He wanted to surprise you with it. So when you saw it on twitter you called him and congratulated him.

"this is huge Woo, I'm so proud of you!"

"I know you're rooting for me. I want you to come at the practice session we're having, just so we can perform on stage too"

You agreed to come and dressed up for him. When he saw you enter the studio in your black jeans that hugged your curves and the loose green cardigan which you styled and tucked in from the front. You had your hair down and mere sight of you took Wooyoung's breath away. His dancer friend from bb trippin' knew about your relationship but some of the staff was different that day and didn't know who you were.

Your eyes gleaned, watching Wooyoung dance. He was in his element and looked ethereal. The practice session ended and before you could run to him and hug him, you saw another woman, a staff member get close to him, handing him a water bottle and wiping his sweat off with a cloth. You were stunned but didn't think muhh about it, since his job required him to be around other women too. You watched from a distance how she talked to him for some time and subtly placed a hand on his thigh, giggling and telling him he did well. You were hurt to say the least. He didn't spare you a glance and then talked to her as if you weren't in the room. You didn't ruin the mood for him at the moment but were screaming internally watching her flirt with your man in broad daylight and him going along with him.

After the session ended, his choreographer called him to discuss important matters with him and the staff started leaving. You noticed how the same woman was hanging around, until another senior staff member told her to pack up and leave. After the discussion, Wooyoung came running to you.

"did you like it?" he asked excitedly.

"the performance? yes. The little show with that staff woman? absolutely not"

His face fell at your words.

"baby listen, I had to let it slide. It's not like I could've swat her hands away and tell her to go away. Having good chemistry with the staff results in good performances. Please try to understand"

"I don't know Wooyoung. And this is just what I saw. I can't stop imagining what else goes on since I'm not around all the time"

"I want you to trust me. I'm all yours. No one can take me away from you. No one. You don't know the hold you have around my heart. You don't know what you do to me. It's you and only you. Never forget that."

Jongho

If there's one thing in this world that Jongho liked doing the most, it was comparing how strong he was compared to you. No, you didn't even compare. You didn't even come close. He loved lifting you like it was nothing, tightening jars on purpose so you would ask him to open them for you and lifting the furniture with one hand while you both cleaned. He also loved arm wrestling with you with just two of his fingers of his non dominant hand, while you struggled to win with your dominant hand.

You both sat in the middle of the living room. Jongho challenged you to arm wrestling and the loser would have to clean the dishes. He wasn't even trying while you were shaking by using the entire strength in your arm. He got a little cocky when his hand got tired and decided to end it with a bang. He used intense force and your hand landed on the table with a thud. You pulled it back and rubbed it. He didn't fully realize how hard he hurt you until he saw just how red the back of your hand was. He immediately apologized but you got up to give yourself first aid, not responding to him. He followed you to the kitchen and tried helping but you shoved him aside.

"leave me alone"

"I'm sorry I hurt you. Let me help"

"Jongho please just leave me alone right now"

He felt awful to have hurt you and after you went to your bedroom, he did the dishes. You had invited him to stay the night at your apartment so he was glad he could be around to make it up to you.

He came to you some time later and apologized again and took responsibility of his actions.

"you scared me Jongho"

"I'm so sorry, I'll be more careful I promise"

[the-himawari]

A3! Sakisaka Muku - Translation [N] WONDER RUSH

*Please read disclaimer on blog

---

Kazunari: Oh-em-gee! I’m swooning~!

Misumi: He’s sooo~ adorable~!

Muku: (Hm? Kazu-kun and the others seem to be having fun while looking at their phones.)

Kazunari: Isn’t Itarun’s kid super clever!?

Misumi: Amazing, amaaazing! Good boy, good boy~.

Itaru: Isn’t he? I know I sound like a doting parent, but my boy’s got it down.

Muku: Good boy… doting parent… Itaru-san’s kid… EHH!?

Kazunari: Ah, Mukkun~!

Itaru: Perfect timing. Come over, Muku.

Muku: O-okay. (I-I didn’t know Itaru-san had a child…!)

Itaru: Take a look.

Misumi: Itaru’s boy is so cute~.

Kazunari: Ikr!

Muku: (Could this be a photo of the child…!)

Itaru: Behold, my chihuahua.

Muku: …Eh? Wow, a cute puppy…! (So Itaru-san’s child was a puppy in a game! That surprised me…!)

Itaru: There was “Nyancadia” in the past, remember?

Muku: Right! That’s the cat raising game you told us about during our Sardines play.

Itaru: Yep, exactly. This is a game called "Wancadia", published by the same company that made "Nyancadia”. I heard that dogs were the theme of Summer troupe’s next performance, so I just came over to tell you guys about it.

Kazunari: What he said. We got Itarun to give us a lecture earlier! Mine’s a Labrador retriever, and Sumi’s is a golden retriever!

Misumi: Yeah! Lookie, these are ours. Ehehe. They’re cuties, aren’t they~?

Muku: Wahh, they really are! Both of them are just adorable!

Itaru: The main system is the same as the one in Nyancadia, so I think it’s easy to pick up. But there’s additional features that are unique to Wancadia, like separate personalities and teaching them tricks. It’s pretty neat since there are elements of strategy in this relaxing raising game. Misumi’s puppy is triangular already.

Misumi: He picks up triangle items when we go for walks~.

Kazunari: My boy gets along really well with the other doggos~!

Muku: I see! They really do take after their owners.

Itaru: Wanna try it too, Muku? I’ll teach you how to play.

Muku: Yes! I’d definitely love to. Please teach me!

-pause-

Muku: Umm… I should be doing exactly what Itaru-san taught me, but it's not going well… (The puppies of all the other guys in Summer troupe who started at the same time can do their tricks properly.) (But my toy poodle isn’t learning shake… why is that?) Maybe it's because I'm a lousy owner who can't get the hang of this…

Kazunari: Huh, what’s wrong, Mukkun? You don’t look that well?

Muku: Kazu-kun… the truth is…

-pause-

Kazunari: I see~. Your dog’s not learning tricks very well, huh? I think it’s important do it patiently! Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll learn. Keeping at something is Mukkun’s specialty. So don't compare yourself with others and do your best for your pup!

Muku: Kazu-kun… Yeah, you’re right. I’ll try my best with my dog as well!

-pause-

Kazunari: How’s your Toypoo-chan doing, Mukkun?

Muku: Well, he still can’t shake very well. But we’re taking our time and practicing over and over again. We're getting to know each other better, little by little, so it's fun training together too.

Kazunari: That’s great! It feels super nice getting buddy-buddy with them, right~!

Muku: Yes! Alright, let’s do our best with practice again today. Here, shake.

Toy poodle: Arf!

Muku: ! He gave me his paw!? T-this is…!

Kazunari: He’s actually doing the move! Toypoo-chan learned shake, Mukkun!

Muku: Hooray! There, there, good boy. You did it…!

Toy poodle: Arf, arf ♪

Kazunari: Toypoo-chan looks happy too!

Muku: Ehehe, I’m also feeling happier now. Let’s become even better friends from now on, okay…!

---

[unbridgeabledistances]

prompt: domestic gallavich/being intimate in a nonsexualway bc there’s like 3 weeks til the next episode 😐

your wish is my command, anon!<3 i decided to tie this into next ep bc i simply cannot HANDLE mickey’s outfit/big gay metamorphosis & i needed to create the scene that inspired it so i wrote this

a one-shot bridging 11x06 and 11x07 in which ian and mickey talk about “gay friends,” ripped jeans, and do a bit of processing along the way

tw for brief mention of homophobia/abuse (bc terry lol)

--

“How come we don’t have any, like, gay friends?”

Ian looked up from where he was laying on the ground, breathing heavily after a series of push-ups, a nightly routine that he was trying to keep intact even though he and Mickey were practically driving the entire circumference of Chicago every day to make weed deliveries from dawn til dusk, leaving them both exhausted. It had been a week since all the shit with Terry, and a month or so since he and Mickey had started the security gig; while months ago their evenings would be spent sitting side by side on the bed in a brittle silence while Ian read or scratched in his notebook and Mickey played games on his phone blasting at full volume in the pajamas he’d been wearing all day, these days the evenings in their bedroom were softer and warmer— like they were settling into the space together, like they were both on the same team instead of constantly clashing and butting heads while trapped in a too-small space. These days, after having dinner in the clamor of the crowded kitchen, he and Mickey would head upstairs and change out of their uniforms, and Ian would work out while Mickey mostly just lounged on the bed, sometimes making commentary and watching him bob up and down with a pensive smirk or scrolling through his phone.

But tonight, Mickey was quiet— his eyes flickered to the curves and edges of Ian’s torso every now and then as Ian broke a sweat, but otherwise he wasn’t playfully poking and prodding like usual.

Mickey had been a lot quieter in general this week, after all the stuff with Terry— Ian knew seeing the source of all of Mickey’s trauma in a wheelchair immobile from the neck down, the most vulnerable Terry could have been, felt worse than someone repeatedly twisting a knife in Mickey’s abdomen. But beyond the initial shock and the almost-murder and lugging him up the stairs, having Terry in a wheelchair twenty feet away did something deeper to Mickey. This whole situation shifted something solid that had been lodged in the pit of Mickey’s stomach for years— Ian could see it, and he fucking hated it. He hated Mickey’s glassy contemplative eyes as he looked out the car window while they drove to a new dropoff location, lost in his head when he thought Ian wasn’t looking. He hated the tightly wound tension between Mickey’s shoulder blades as he slept, curled into himself and twisted in the comforter, facing away from Ian on the other side of the bed. He hated the tight smiles Mickey gave him as he made some offhand joke about Terry when they could hear him cursing and shrieking through the open front windows, smiles that were trying to prove something outwardly but showed the barbed pain stinging at Mickey’s insides. Ian poured out what he could in soft touches, in skims of fingertips at the breakfast table and in an arm over Mickey’s waist while they slept; but he could only give as much as Mickey would take, and for most of the week Mickey had shut everyone out with iron walls.

Ian couldn’t imagine what was stirring in Mickey’s mind; he’d seen some of Mickey’s trauma firsthand, sure, and some of the stories about Terry came slipping through the cracks when Mickey’s guard was down— mostly on those late nights when they both couldn’t sleep and Mickey whispered into the crook of Ian’s neck as they were curled into each other, cradled in the dark silence of their bedroom. But Ian knew there was deeper shit that he hadn’t heard about, and he could see the constant fear of Mickey’s adolescence hanging heavy around his neck all these years later. But Mickey didn’t need anyone to push his walls down— Ian knew he’d open up when he was ready.

Which is why this random question, the most direct statement Mickey had really made to him all week, caught Ian off guard. He sat up, folding his arms over his legs and staring up at where Mickey was slouching on the bed, propped up by a pillow he’d shoved between his back and the wall. “Gay friends?” he asked, more than a little confused.

Mickey cleared his throat. “Yeah, gay friends, y’know. Like all your youth center queers that came to the wedding or whatever.” He suddenly looked down and picked at a fraying thread on his shirt sleeve, not meeting Ian’s eyes.

Ian raised an eyebrow in curiosity. This was random, sure, but Mickey wouldn’t have brought it up if something wasn’t weighing on him, bubbling up after all the events of this week.

“I don’t know— I guess since the pandemic and stuff, I haven’t really kept in touch with Geneva or any of those guys who came to our wedding. We only really talked after I got out of prison because of all the Gay Jesus publicity bullshit, but after you got out I wasn’t really thinking about that as much.”

Mickey blew out a breath, so quietly Ian barely noticed it. Ian stood, wiping his sweaty forehead and plopping down on the bed next to Mickey, folding his legs so their knees were almost touching— but still giving him space, still letting him breathe.

“Why’re you asking?”

“Don’t know, really. Just thinkin’.” Mickey picked at his shirt sleeve again, then flickered his gaze up to meet Ian’s eyes, two clear pools of glassy blue. “Thinkin’ about what life could’ve been like. If I wasn’t scared shitless of who I was for so long.”

Ian felt something twist in his gut, the same queasy pang of pain that always resurfaced whenever he saw Mickey like this, whenever he was reminded of all the unspeakable agony that Terry had put him through.

“It’s fucked up that you didn’t get to be who you were for so long, Mick,” he breathed, knowing that statement didn’t cover the amount of things that were fucked up about this situation.

Mickey ran his teeth over his bottom lip, like he was concentrating. “Yeah.”

Ian let them sit there for a second. It seemed like Mickey wanted to say more, but something in him was frozen solid. After a moment, Ian tried to break the tension.

“Hey, for the record, I’ve had lots of gay friends and you aren’t missing much. There’s lots of PC bullshit that’s important but took me fucking forever to learn— and even then, I never really felt like I totally belonged.” He gently nudged Mickey’s ribcage. “I guess that’s why I forgot about everyone, between work and getting to be with you all the time— I’d rather eat pizza in the mall food court with you than go to some boujee fucking café with the youth center people any day.”

The corner of Mickey’s mouth ticked upwards slightly. “Yeah. Guess you’re right.” His fingers went slack around the threads on his shirtsleeve he’d been picking at. “You don’t… miss it though? Bein’ around people who’re like us?”

Ian paused for a moment, imagining the youth center crew in the same room as Mickey— it would be fucking comical, like people speaking two different languages, like astronauts trying to communicate with aliens on Mars through gestures and confused looks. But that was just because Mickey didn’t know how to speak that language— he’d been kept shrouded in an abusive household with daily death threats for years, and then stowed away in prison where he didn’t have the chance to go to fucking brunches and clubs and education events like Ian could. Ian got the chance to learn all that shit— it wasn’t Mickey’s fault that he never did, and if it was anyone’s, it was all Terry’s.

Ian’s eyes flickered to Mickey’s face— he looked vulnerable and split open, like he was drifting away in all the possibilities of what could have been. When he answered, Ian spoke softly, carefully.

“I mean… I guess I do. There were nice parts of going out with people, or even those after-parties back when I used to work at the club. There’s something nice about being with your people, where you can make jokes about stuff or talk about deep shit and everyone’s on the same page. It’s hard to find that around here.” Ian tentatively crawled his hand over the blanket, letting it rest on Mickey’s knee. “S’there anything else going on?”

Mickey raised his thumb to his mouth, biting at a hangnail contemplatively. “Dunno, man. Just thinking. How it might be nice, to have friends like us. I used to be scared of hangin’ with other queers, but I think that was just some deep bullshit with Terry.” He looked up to meet Ian’s eyes. “It’d be nice to stop… hating that part of myself, or whatever.”

Ian smiled, reaching to intertwine his fingers with Mickey’s and tracing a pattern with the thumb that was free from their grasp on Mickey’s inner thigh, a soft touch of validation that Ian hoped would soak into Mickey’s skin.

“I think so too.” Ian watched the corner of Mickey’s mouth curve upwards. “I can definitely hit up some of the people I used to hang with, and see if they wanna get coffee or something? With the two of us? Only if you want.”

Mickey nodded— then chuckled a breathy laugh, like he was relieved. “Fuck it. Yeah.”

Ian couldn’t help it; Mickey looked so fucking sweet and so relieved that he had to press a kiss to the top of his head. Mickey squirmed underneath him, bristling like a cat that didn’t want to be pet like he did with most of Ian’s soft touches— but Ian just grinned and doubled down, pressing another slower peck onto Mickey’s temple. Mickey blew out a slow breath.

“Don’t know what I’d fuckin’ wear to a brunch with a bunch of Northside do-gooder gays,” he said after a moment, his voice wavering so slightly that no one except Ian would have noticed.

Ian rolled his eyes fondly, giving Mickey’s hand a quick pulse of a squeeze. “Mickey, are you kidding? Wear whatever the fuck you want. You don’t need to change yourself, that’s kind of the whole point.”

“Yeah. Fuck. Guess it is.” Mickey was quiet for a moment, but still chewing on his bottom lip, like he was building the courage to say something more. Ian could tell— he let the comfortable silence hang between them, knowing that Mickey would break it when he was ready.

“D’you think it’d be stupid if I, like, tried to… jazz up my look a bit?” He darted his eyes nervously to Ian’s face, down to their clasped hands, and then back to the covers again. “Like, uh— I don’t know. Maybe wore some shit that didn’t have holes in it. With patterns, or whatever.”

Ian felt his face split into a grin. Patterns, or whatever— god, he loved his dumbass husband so fucking much. He pressed another kiss to Mickey’s cheek— this time Mickey didn’t flinch away, his only resistance a forced roll of his eyes.

“Mick, I don’t think that’s stupid at all. I think you should dress however makes you feel good.”

“’Kay.” Mickey pursed his lips, like he was still hesitant. Ian rubbed his thumb over the back of Mickey’s hand, their fingers still clasped and hanging limply in Mickey’s lap. The silence was hanging again, and Ian could still feel the tight waves of anxiety bouncing off of Mickey. He took in a breath.

“I could… help you, y’know. If you wanted to dress a certain way. At the very least I could gas you up and tell you how hot you look.” Ian paused, smirking and running his eyes over Mickey’s torso. “But I could also help you pick shit out, or whatever. We could order some stuff online.”

Mickey looked up at him, his eyes oddly relieved and open in a way they hadn’t been in days. “Yeah?”

Ian softly smiled. “Yeah. Only if you want to. You’re you, and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone else. I love the way you look— hell, it drives me crazy, Mick. But— if you feel like you aren’t dressing the way that makes you feel the best, or like you’re putting on an act for other people and you don’t want to anymore— then we can figure this out.”

This time it was Mickey that initiated affection, lifting their clasped hands and pressing a quick ghost of a kiss to Ian’s wrist. Ian smiled in acknowledgement, then playfully raised his eyebrows. “You wanna look online now? I’m done working out and more than happy to help you gay up your look.”

Mickey unclasped their hands, playfully shoving Ian squarely in the chest. “Fuck you.” Then, in an uncharacteristic move from the way Mickey had been flinching away from his touches all week, Mickey leaned in closer to Ian’s chest, nestling his back on Ian’s sternum and reaching for his phone that was discarded on the blanket beside him. “Alright, hot stuff. Where’re we fucking shopping?”

Ian grinned and snapped the waistband of Mickey’s sweatpants playfully, shuffling underneath him and getting comfortable.

“’Kay, let me think. I used to order a bunch of shirts and stuff from Primark when I was going out with the youth center people. They have good denim, too.”

Mickey’s bottom lip was caught between his teeth again while he listened. He hesitated for a moment, his thumb hovering over the phone’s keyboard— then, in an automatic movement, he quickly shoved his phone into Ian’s hand, cheerfully wriggling back into Ian’s chest. Ian smirked and unlocked the phone, happy to take the reins— online shopping for fashion was clearly lightyears out of Mickey’s comfort zone.

Ian navigated over to the Primark homepage, plastered with torsos of toned models wearing striped button ups and ripped jeans. His thumb pressed down onto the “denim” tab, and he started to slowly scroll through the rows of options, holding the phone so Mickey could see.

“I don’t know what you really want, but they’ve got pretty cheap pants and shit that’re good quality…” Ian let his voice trail off, speaking softly to where Mickey was lying on his chest in a voice that he knew was tickling the shell of Mickey’s ear. Mickey almost seemed… nervous, or at the very least paralyzed by the wealth of options. He raised his thumb to his mouth, anxiously biting the hangnail again.

“I guess those ripped ones don’t look too bad.”

Ian clicked on the picture Mickey was referring to. They were black jeans, a dark wash and skinny cut, with patches ripped on both knees. Ian felt something well in his chest, probably an overreaction to a pair of jeans— but these jeans were perfect for Mickey. They weren’t too much, weren’t overly fashionable, but they still felt more clean-cut than the baggy pants Mickey usually threw on. These jeans were badass, and totally aligned with Mickey’s don’t-fuck-with-me vibe, but they were deliberate. Stylish. Like they were saying here the fuck I am.

“Yeah?” Ian knew Mickey could tell he was smiling from his voice.

Mickey smirked, craning his neck and turning to look up at Ian. “Yeah. Think I can pull ‘em off?”

Ian pressed his lips together. “Fuck yeah. You’re gonna look so good.”

Mickey just gave a satisfied smile, and nestled back against Ian’s chest again. “Let’s get ‘em, then.”

[demibats]

Unsteady - BENEATH THE BLOOD MOON

summary:  Bludhaven and Gotham take a fearful turn when a new threat is posed in both Batman and Nightwing’s territories, neither of them equipped for it. That is, until Dick crosses paths with an unlikely new ally...

  word count: 4k warnings: brief mention of violence.

A cool breeze ruffled Dick’s hair as he looked over the city of Bludhaven, way up on the tops of the buildings. He’d been hunched over, listening intently on his police scanner for far too long. It was too quiet of a night. Not even the common street criminal was causing a disturbance. The silence was far more vexing than any goon he’d come into contact with over the past week. 

Dick tried not to let the little noises pester his paranoia further, though it was hard.  The sound of an animal rustling in a garbage can or a car’s horn was enough to make him jump. Dick stood, taking in a deep breath before he flipped from one roof ledge to a lower one. Landing with a hard thud, he turned over his back, eyeing the spot he’d just left and the gap below. Below, consumed in the darkness, he swore he heard voices.

Dick turned and peaked down, seeing nothing in the bleak emptiness between crumbling buildings. He continued his typical patrol around the tops of the buildings, looking over the city. It was the first night in months that not a thing gave him a good chase. While he felt like he deserved a break, the sudden change in activity felt odd. It was as if an entire world of crime just stood at a stand still, completely unmoving as Dick traveled the rooftops of Bludhaven. 

Faintly, Dick heard a grunt and blows landing. It was quiet, but Dick’s trained ears focused on it and could make out a cocky ‘that all you got?’ He did a front somersault off the ledge and slid down the opposite wall, skillfully as to not disturb the others in the alleyway. He turned on his heels and crouched down behind a rusty dumpster, peeking his head out to survey the scene. 

A woman was facing with her back toward him, striking whatever was in front of her with her palm, upward into her attacker’s nose. Jesus Chirst, Dick thought, usually now is the time I have to come in. She spun around and delivered what should’ve been a near-fatal kick into the attacker’s ribs, but he only stumbled before throwing his hand into the woman’s head. She took barely a second to steady herself before grabbing her attacker’s next hit by the wrist to twist it upward. At an impressive speed, she unsheathed what looked like a wooden stake and plunged it into the chest of her attacker. Dick caught a glimpse of the man’s face, seeing it contorted and molded with yellow eyes before it burst into dust. 

He was in awe. Of all the metahumans and villains he’s faced throughout his entire life, he’d never come across something quite like that. Maybe he’d read about them but seeing one perish in person was an entirely new ballgame. He stood up from his spot, stepping out from behind it, but didn’t trek toward the woman. She was relatively new and, to be frank, scary. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that maybe now isn’t the time to ask questions?” Dick spoke clearly, despite being unsure of this new vigilante, if that’s what she was. 

She flinched at his loud voice and whipped around, fists clenched. When her eyes laid on him, her mouth dropped, but her shock didn’t last long and was soon replaced with some form of annoyance, “Nightwing, is it? A little birdie told me to watch out for you. Well, another little birdie.” She said, poking fun at his alter ego.

“In the way that we’d be brawling like your little friend or just as a precaution?” Dick quipped.

“Neither. Just a piece of information I needed to have before I moved here.”  Her shoulders relaxed as she walked toward him, “We done here?” Her shoulder bumped into his and which only spurred Dick’s talking on more. 

Before he could get a word in, she said, “You were watching for a while before I dusted that creep. Is it a part of the job to leave capable dames to their own devices now? I definitely could’ve used the help.” Her tone was sarcastic, Dick couldn’t tell if she meant it, or was just annoyed simply by his presence.

Dick blinked a few times before answering, “I have no idea what that was. Or what or who you are. I was a little taken aback, needed time to plan my next move.” he responded, following her out of the alley. 

She stopped in her tracks and turned around, narrowing her eyes on him. She examined his face for a moment and Dick grew anxious that she was trying to figure out his identity for a split second. Shaking off the uneasy feeling, he furrowed his eyebrows. “You really have no idea what I just killed?”

The fact she’d said ‘what’ instead of ‘who’ returned the uneasy feeling, but this one was different, “No, I don’t. Mind telling me? This seems like crucial information I should’ve known when I moved here.” He mocked, but the woman could only smirk at it.

“It was a vampire. Like, a genuine dracula. Blood-sucking demon of the night, fangs and all. There have been sightings and nests popping in Atlantic City, Gotham and Bludhaven more and more recently.” She explained, continuing her walk down the empty street. Dick didn’t realize he was supposed to follow her.

He jogged up to her, slowing down and matching speeds with her pace. Dick never walked through the neighborhoods at night, too busy flipping from the rooftops to realize how things looked down here at night. Gazing at the woman through his peripherals, he sucked in a breath, “And you’re.. What? Just doing a public service by driving stakes through their hearts?” he asked, question after question popping into his head. If she was a civilian, where’d she learn how to fight and defend herself like that? Why was she absorbing blows that should’ve knocked her on her ass? How did she know all this? Especially that these supposed nests were in Bludhaven?

“I’m the Slayer. It’s my destiny, or whatever, to hunt them down and send ‘em back to hell.” She clarified, sounding less than enthused.

Dick chuckled, “Whoa there, try to contain your excitement.” 

Rolling her eyes, she picked up speed, wanting to shake the nuisance that was Nightwing, “Look, I’ll go my way, you’ll go yours. There’s no need to be all buddy-buddy. I’ll kick vampire ass, you’ll beat down criminals, simple as that.”

Dick stopped on their walk, grabbing her wrist just for her to rip it from his clutches, “Would you listen for one goddamn second?” he raised his voice, surprising her, “If these creatures are as dangerous as I’m thinking, and to the extent you said, you’ll need help. This doesn’t sound like much of a cakewalk. I’m not an idiot who wears a mask and punches cat-buglers, okay? There are more important skills than brute strength, ones I have, that could help you.”

He could tell she was considering it. It took only a few seconds for her to answer, “This isn’t something that’s a team effort. I’m the slayer, and whether I like it or not, I have to do this on my own.”

Dick let her go off on her way this time. He couldn’t wrap her head around the events of that night, especially not the fact that Bludhaven and Gotham, his home and former home, were riddled with creatures like the one she’d just fought. Grotesque, monstrous creatures that were preying on the innocent the way that they were. He feared for the citizens of Bludhaven, knowing that he might not be able to protect them from the vampires he knew nothing about. Sighing heavily, he took out his phone and dialed a number he hadn’t saved but could recite from heart at any given time. It only rang once before a familiar voice spoke. “Master Dick, it’s been too long.” Alfred chimed. 

“I miss you too, Alfred. Tell him I’m driving up. There’s something brewing in both our cities and we might need all hands on deck for this,” he paused, “I’m gonna send you some information of my current location, can you please use the cameras in the area for facial recognition for the woman I was with tonight?”

“I’ll hop to it, Master Dick. I’ll let him know, as well and make preparations for your sleeping arrangements.” Alfred spoke in his typical calm and calculating, yet stern tone. 

“I’ll get a motel, just tell Bru-”

Alfred cut him off, “I’m afraid not, Master Dick. You will be staying in the manor and there’ll be no arguments made against it. The facial recognition you requested will be done within the hour.”

Rolling his eyes, Dick smiled, “Yeah, alright. See you soon, Alfred. Thank you.” And with that, Dick ended the call, inhaling sharply. His night just became a lot more eventful than he could’ve ever guessed. 

“Fuck.” 

-----

Dick pulled into the long stretch of driveway through the gates, his tongue running over his teeth. It’d been some time since he’d been home and it still felt cold and distant. He didn’t plan on staying too long, but would stay as long as needed to research and learn about any lore pertaining to vampires and ‘The Slayer’. Bruce had more money than God and enough books to educate a small community, some of those might even be older than God.

The sprawling grounds of Wayne Manor, while being the apple of any remotely smart person’s eye, made Dick feel more alone than he ever had. However, he did what he learned as a child, and pushed those feelings down, trying to focus on the task at hand. After stepping out of his car, now parked in the garage, he met up with Alfred. That old rascal always brought a smile to Dick’s face, even after the time he’d seen him. “Nice to see you, Master Dick. Master Wayne is waiting for you. The facial recognition was successful.”

Dick couldn’t help but grin at the butler before clapping him on the shoulder, “Thanks, Alfred. I owe you one!” He shouted as he booked it toward the indoor entrance to the cave. 

The manor was always remarkably clean, thanks to Alfred ( and sometimes Bruce ) . With Alfred’s older age, you would think that he was ready to give up the butler life, but there was no way he would, not while Bruce was running rampant in the streets wearing a cape and cowl. Dick waited patiently in the elevator ride down, his hands fidgeting at his sides. He shoved them into his jean-pockets as the door opened, revealing the dimly lit cave.

Bruce was standing before the bat computer, pictures and records up on the large screen. He was hunched over the tabletop in front of him, rather than sitting in the chair. He wore a black tshirt and dark jeans, rather than the full form of the batsuit or head-to-toe formal wear. Bruce heard Dick’s footsteps and straightened his back, turning toward the younger man. “You look different,” Bruce said in monotone. 

Dick chuckled, “Yeah, living on your own does that, I guess.” He knew that Bruce wasn’t one for physical affection but that didn’t stop Dick from giving him a brief hug, which to his surprise, Bruce reciprocated for the short while it happened.

“So, did you pin-point our mystery girl?” Dick said, leaning against the counter, arms crossed, eyeing Bruce as he pulled up what looked like an ID photo.

“Y/N L/N. Goes to a community college in Bludhaven, lives alone. She previously lived in Chicago, graduated from high school, got accepted into a community college there, held a steady job, but moved here after her mother was killed eight months ago. Coroner’s report says animal attack but given the information you sent, I’m guessing that whatever she fought off last night is one of the things responsible for the murder of her mother. Who is she to you, Dick?” Bruce slowly turned to face Dick, raising his eyebrows in curiosity. 

Dick shrugged, “I’m interested in her line of work.” He said, but Bruce knew exactly what Dick wasn’t saying. He let it slide, obviously not wanting to open that can of worms. 

“I’ve pulled up every known instance of vampires over the past twenty years and… a lot of it is complete nonsense, Dick. Very slim picking of what compares to Y/N’s vampires. Something about Twilight-” Bruce was about to continue but Dick cut him off. 

“Steer clear of anything marked under that, you won’t get anywhere.” Dick turned away from the computer and walked toward the dark oak bookshelf away from where Bruce stood.

“And where are you going?” Bruce asked.

Dick turned over his shoulder as he walked, “There has gotta be something in one of your dusty old books that’s more helpful than you skimming teenage fanlore.” He chuckled, eyes running over the spines of all the books. He didn’t have too much to go on, but anything would help them at that moment. 

Bruce and Dick spent hours researching vampire lore, hoping something would point them in the direction of some sort of slayer prophecy. Of course, it would’ve been much easier if Y/N complied with Dick in the first place, but she was dead set on avoiding Nightwing like the plague. While Bruce appreciated literature, he knew how to find needed information on the web better than anything else. It bothered him that he wasn’t coming up with much, but he’d never tell Dick that. 

“Any luck?” Bruce called out.

“Not on the slayer, but this volume and the one like it talks all about what they are and the lore behind them,” he paused for a moment, then realized Bruce was waiting for him to continue, “They’re essentially demons, soulless creatures from Hell. They can only inhabit earth if they possess a human corpse. Apparently they’re considered hybrids, less pure than other demon species.”

Dick looked up from the pages of the worn book, seeing Bruce look absolutely lost in thought. He cleared his throat, hoping he’d have some sort of feedback. “What are they doing in Bludhaven?” Bruce asked.

“Add that to the pile of answers we don’t have.” Dick huffed.

The two men were up into the early hours of the morning, almost 5AM before Dick had a breakthrough in one of the thousands of books in the cave. “Here!” he called out, getting Bruce’s attention. The older man quickly made his way to the table that Dick had been hunched over, reading and researching. 

“Every generation, one girl is chosen to be the Slayer. She wields the power to fight demons, vampires and other forces of darkness. Apparently the first slayer actually had the gifts of a vampire given to her by said vampire.” Dick read.

Bruce was silent.

“Are you going to say anything? We’ve been at this for hours and I finally find something and you’re a statue.” Dick was annoyed and tired and beyond ready to burn every book in the manor and then go right to sleep.

“That’s just it, Dick. We’ve been at this the entire night and all we’ve learned is that some otherworldly force picks a woman to fight the undead. We’re still at square one in my book. Get some sleep, we’ll regroup and pick it up again after some rest.” Bruce said, turning to shut down the computer.

Dick grumbled, gathering up all the books he hadn’t read through, along with the one who explained who the Slayer was, and went to his old bedroom. He would probably only get a few hours of sleep before he would be up and at it again. He needed to find more out before going back to Bludhaven to find her again. He wanted to be prepared, knowledgeable. Dick knew that there was no way Y/N would let him help if she had to teach him all there was to know about vampires. He still didn’t know if she could be swayed even if he had already learned. 

As soon as Dick hit the mattress, books surrounding him, he was out like a light. He hadn’t pushed himself to the extreme of staying up over 24 hours in a long time and he felt like he would go insane from lack of sleep. That first night back at Wayne Manor, Dick had nightmares. He was in his Nightwing suit, except for his mask, standing in an alleyway that seemed like it went on infinitely on both ends. He tried to run one direction but felt like he was getting nowhere. On all sides of him he heard someone crying out for help and a hiss that felt too familiar. The cries continued as did the hisses for what seemed like mere minutes, but when Dick opened his eyes, he’d realized it was nearly three o’clock. 

He felt like he’d been hit by a semi-truck, or maybe a large pick-up at the least. There was a cup of coffee next to his bed on his nightstand, still steaming. After all these years, ALfred had a knack for knowing when his boys would be awake. Dick grabbed it sluggishly and took a small sip as he sat up. The room was still and quiet, while he enjoyed the peace, sometimes it was deafening. After he’d downed most of the coffee, he pulled his shirt off and headed to the shower. 

-----

“Let’s just say that she does allow you to work with her, will you keep me informed?” Bruce posed the question as Dick looked over yet again, another book. He peaked over the pages of the book he was reading, lips on the rim of his coffee mug.

Bruce looked like he’d gotten enough sleep for the both of them, had his healthy breakfast and already did his eight mile run. It was appalling how easy it was for Bruce to hide his fatigue, while Dick, Jason and Tim had always looked tired, constantly. 

“If what she said is true, that Gotham as well as Bludhaven, has these nests, then yes. You’ll need to stay in the loop and be hypervigilant during patrol. These things are no joke, Bruce.” Dick answered, “Mind if I take the books with me back home? I’ll scan over any information I deem important.” 

Bruce nodded, but before Dick could exit the kitchen to pack up his belongings, the older man called out, “Be careful.” Bruce might not express his fondness or affection for his son, but he knows that Dick knows exactly what his simple words mean. 

Dick turned back and nodded. “You too.”

The drive back to Bludhaven was tense. Dick knew he’d have to betray what little trust he’d managed to create the first night he met Y/N by essentially breaking into her apartment. He fought with himself mentally about his next move. He still had research and planning to do if was going to seriously enter this world. He was too stubborn to just let Y/N tell him no. He didn’t care if it was her destiny to battle these things alone. He was going to make sure she wasn’t on her own and that he upheld his oath to protect Bludhaven.

Within the wall of his Bludhaven apartment, he stood in the kitchen, unmoved as he pondered his options. There weren’t many. It was either he’d help Y/N and go to her apartment, maybe get his ass kicked if she was startled or not help her and go about his regular vigilante activities. It shouldn’t even be a question. Dick tried to put his impulsivity aside, tried to think before jumping immediately into this unprepared.  Y/N told him to stay out of it, he should respect that. But what if it becomes too much for her to handle on her own? Wouldn’t she rather have an ally? Someone to depend on? There had to be a reason why she was so harsh about it.

A million more questions spurred Dick’s thoughts on, but in the end, he decided he’d rather have her be pissed off at him interfering with the slayer business than her, laying in an alleyway, dead because of some demon. He’d set out to find her before it got dark, he didn’t want to risk getting a wooden stake to the torso because she couldn’t see the black and blue suit.

He donned the Nightwing garb as he seemingly flew over the rooftops, cartwheeling, backhandspringing, flipping, somersaulting all over the ledges and landings to get to her apartment which was about ten blocks from his own. From the roof of a building opposite to her apartment complex, he could see into her living room through a window. The curtains were parted and the soft lighting illuminated Y/N on her couch, a bowl of cereal in her hands and a textbook in her lap. The domestic scene almost completely masked her slayer personality. She simply was a college student, trying her hardest to be normal, plagued with the responsibility of protecting innocent life.

Dick slid down onto the fire escape below him before leaping to one on Y/N’s building, careful not to cause any reason for a passerby to look up and see him. Perched on her fire escape, he carefully knocked on the glass of the window. She nearly jumped ten feet in the air, almost spilling her cereal. Looking over to her window, her expression showed pure confusion. Dick was surprised, he expected blind rage. 

Getting off the couch, Y/N placed her cereal and textbook on her coffee table before storming over to the window, sliding it open. “What the hell? Are you stalking me now?” She whisper-shouted. 

Dick shook his head, “No, no. It seems like that but I promise that’s not the case.”

Y/N sighed deeply, clearly unamused. She remained silent, crossing her arms as she stepped out of the way of the window frame, “Come on in.” 

Dick slowly climbed into her apartment, hunched over for a brief moment before standing tall, scanning the room. It was simple and neat. She had multiple potted succulents and a few framed photos on the wall. She had a couch and a bean bag in her living room as well as a small tv stand and coffee table, which looked to be covered in books and paperwork. It wasn’t at all what he’d expected it to be like.

Before he got lost in thought about her apartment decor, he turned to her, “I read about the vampires and slayer lore. We didn’t have much to go by, but I found out the basics.” Dick could tell she was on the verge of interrupting, “Let me finish. I know that it’s your so called destiny to do this on your own, but I say fuck that. I want to help and technically speaking, if I’m not working with you, I’d just be hunting them down on my own. We can work together. Two minds are greater than one. You don’t have to babysit or coddle me, I get the gist of what you’re up against. Let me lighten the load. If you don’t like working together after some time, I’ll hit the road. Just give me a chance to show you I can be worth your while.”

Inhaling sharply, still with her arms crossed she spoke finally, “You’re not gonna leave me alone are you?”

Dick grinned, “Couldn’t get rid of me if ya tried.”

Feeling defeat sink in, Y/N rolled her eyes and walked back over to her couch and coffee table, resuming her spot where she was studying. “The second you get on my nerves, I’m kicking your ass.” She said, not a hint of sarcasm in her tone. 

“I won’t. Scout’s honor.” he did the hand salute thing before taking a seat next to her on the couch. 

Once more, she rolled her eyes and felt the weight of her decision start to sink in.

[littlemisslipbalm]

“I am not going to join your band” Part 3

AKA “I’ll only join your band if you promise not to kick me out if things don’t work out”

Me trying to make this have a happy ending: *jumping through hoops of my own design*

I wrote this ^^ before I wrote part 3 and boy was I right, it was complicated and I hope I did it justice, LMK what y’all think, I love you all asking for part 3 and giving me feedback. All the support means to much

Also peep the gif WITH Mitch I’m crying, they’re both smiling at y/n in the soundboard room

Word Count: 5.0k? | Warnings: angsty ASF, some crying, some yelling, more making out, even some mentions of smut (oh yeah we’re getting there - no actual sex though), swearing

I tried to make it FLUFF but there had to be drama :/ (I don’t like conflict but that’s like lowkey how stories work sadly)

Part 1 | Part 2

-

When Mitch pulled away from the hug, you felt yourself at a crossroads. You knew Mitch was right. While kissing Harry had been nice, you needed to think about why you were doing it and what it would mean for you and Harry.

You knew you were always going to love Mitch and you were working on separating the romantic feelings you had for him and the best friend feelings you had for him. But you weren’t sure if getting involved with Harry would help that process or just confuse it. That’s why you had to talk with Harry about this, where he stood exactly, and there wasn’t time, lunch was over.

Mitch stalked off ahead of you with a final: “Just...be careful.”

Moments after he disappeared through the recording door, Harry walked up behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

You were still standing in the middle of the hallway, your brain racing at everything Mitch had said and every moment you had spent with Harry in the past couple of weeks. You hadn’t really thought of Harry as being anything more than a friend. But there you two were, kissing in a storage closet five minutes ago.  

“We need to talk,” you both said simultaneously. But, just as you were about to speak again, a technician rushed up beside you two and started to talk rapidly to Harry, needing assistance on something that sounded important. You raised your brows when he looked at you, his silent question of whether he could leave, “Go, it can wait.”

In that moment, you felt your unimportance in that studio - no Harry or Mitch to turn to.

This had started as a tag along to spend time with your best friend, in hopes to not get left behind, then it had turned to a light torture of watching said best friend falling for a girl who wasn’t yourself, but somewhere amidst all of that was Harry, always giving you a reason to come back. If not for him, you probably would have stopped tagging along after the first day.

He was the one to tell you to come back a second day. He was the one retuning the piano so you had something to do. He was the one liking your tune and turning into a song for his album. He was the one asking you to join the band. But was he the one for you? And if he wasn’t, and you told him that, was that the end of your time at the studio?

God, you just wished you were able to know what he was thinking. What was the reason behind his kiss? Was it something meaningless or meaningful to him. Because you had realized you had wanted to join the band, not for Mitch, not for Harry, but for yourself and you didn’t want whatever had just happened between you and Harry to come between your chance.

You sat in one of the lounge rooms for the rest of the day, you didn’t feel like watching the band record or having Mitch next to you whispering side comments while you sat in boring technical meetings. You wanted to be alone. And alone you were, no one came to look for you until the end of the day. You sat on the floor of the room, legs crossed, your body still, but your mind alive with all of your thoughts.  

At around 8:30, it was Mitch who walked through the door and sighed at the sight of you. You had texted him where you were when he had asked a couple minutes ago. “Ready to go? Sarah’s coming with us, if you don’t mind,” he gruffly said, obviously not past your earlier conversation. It had left a bad taste in your mouth, the whole situation, not being in a comfortable place with your best friend wasn’t ideal.

“I didn’t like how you spoke to me earlier.” you started and then sighed, “And I didn’t like how we left things..” You stayed in your spot, sat in the middle of the room, face turned to stare at Mitch in the doorway.

“I admit, my tone wasn’t my favorite. I was flustered,” Mitch said finally, walking into the room, door swinging shut behind him.

“You could apologize,” you simply stated, not satisfied. You loved Mitch, but you weren’t a push over. “You basically said I was a prostitute, Mitch, with that harem remark.”

“I truly, didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed and ran a hand through his shoulder length hair. He decided to take a seat, mirroring your position. He moved like a cat, long limbs slowly folding in on themselves, making him appear much smaller than he was. “I’m sorry that’s what you thought, it just,” he paused, “was weird seeing you like that. You’re like my little sister -,” he stopped talking at the look on your face.

You blinked and looked away. Do not cry right now, c’mon. You knew that’s how he felt about you, it just always hurt to hear him say it. You brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “Yeah, I get it, you’re forgiven, anyway.” You regretted even asking for an apology now.

Mitch wouldn’t let it go, he knew that the two of you had to have this conversation for once, rather than sidestepping it every time.

“I know you’re in love with me, Y/N, and I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way about you. I know we never talk about it, but we’re both possibly at the beginning of new serious relationships right now and I think we need to talk about this.”

It’s happening. He was right, you never talked about it, and you knew he was right about needing to talk about it, too. He was always the mature one.

“And what if I’m not?” you replied stubbornly, as much as you knew he was right, you couldn’t stop the words from leaving your mouth.

“What?” Mitch was clearly confused.

“What if I’m not on the verge of a new relationship and that kiss was just a one time thing with Harry. Then I’m left here alone and embarrassed while you ride off into the sunset with Sarah and your new life. Have you ever thought about how this all might be affecting me, put my romantic love for you aside, have you ever thought about how leaving your best friend behind might affect her, Mitch! I’ve thought about it and it sucks! It sucks because you’re the only person I’ve got, the only person who’s ever given a damn about me and always been there. Soon you won’t be. My tombstone won’t even read “Happy” just “Uneventful” and “Boring.”

You practically were screaming and you had no idea when all these feelings had bubbled you the surface, but tears were running down your face now. You had never been good with confrontation.  

“And I’ve been working on it.”

Mitch still sat in a stunned silence. Not used to you losing your cool with him.

“I’ve been working on getting over being in love with you, but a lifetime of being in love with you doesn’t just go away, not because you find a girl, not because I kiss a boy, but because I work on separating feelings and ideas in my mind. I had let the line be blurred between best friend and boyfriend, when you weren’t actually my boyfriend.” You paused, “I thought you were my soulmate since I was fourteen and you never even noticed how I looked at you.” You had started fierce, but you ended softly, almost whimpering out the last words.

“I knew,” he sighed, “I knew when you made sure to come to all my shows in high school. You never missed a single one.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me to stop? Why didn’t you set up boundaries?” You pleaded with Mitch, searching for an answer from him to make sense of everything.

“Because I was young and no one had ever done that for me, no one cared about me like you did before and it felt so good to not be ignored or overlooked. To be someone’s whole world, it felt nice.”

“But...look what happened.”

“It got out of hand, but I thought you’d find a guy when you went off to college and forget about loving me like that.”

“But that’s not what happened,” you both sat silent for a few moments, “I can’t lose you, Mitch, and I’m okay just being the best friend.”

“I can’t lose you either, Y/N. I’m so sorry I never addressed it sooner, it wasn’t fair of me to keep you on the line all these years. And I’m not going to leave you behind, I’m sorry if I have been neglecting our friendship with the album and Sarah.”

Mitch reached out and took your hand, rubbing it softly with his thumb. You noticed no butterflies when he did this and you squeezed his hand gently back.

“So, best friend, as much as I would love to ride home with you and your girl, I think there’s someone else I really need to talk to.”

You were always quick to move past fights with Mitch, they were never like this, of course, but you had said your piece and so had Mitch, seeing as he reverted back to his natural silent state. This definitely was a big step in the right direction for you to finally move past your romantic feelings for Mitch. Some closure.

Mitch nodded and you both stood up. “We should hang out soon, just the two of us, do something… friendly,” Mitch said softly. You smiled and nodded.

You knew this had been a wake up call for him, too. You hadn’t really hung out outside of the studio since he’d started seeing Sarah more exclusively, meaning weekly movie nights, ‘what’s in the fridge’ dinner nights, and new music mondays had all fallen by the wayside. You knew that he’d start being there for you more after this whole conversation, because that’s who Mitch was, he listened and he followed through.

You gave him a quick hug, happier with the outcome of this conversation than the last, even if this one had involved you shouting a little bit. Then, you split off from him in search of Harry.

He was in the recording area of the studio, sitting, staring off into space with his guitar resting in his lap.

“Hi,” you said carefully. He twitched his head at the sound and looked over to see you. “Have you been crying?” He asked immediately, standing up and setting the guitar on its stand. He crossed to you, quick to your side.

You shook your head, “No, well yes, but they were angry tears, more than sad.”

“Are you alright?” Harry still was concerned, angry wasn’t much better than sad.

“Just had it out with Mitch, it’s better now.”

“About earlier?” Harry led you to sit on the piano bench with him.

“No, about him, and me, it’s been a long time coming, but we’ve got it all out in the open now. He’s going to try to be a better friend, I think. And I’m going to try to be just his best friend.”

“Yeah?” Harry urged you to say more.

“But it did start about earlier, at least,” you ran a hand through your hair, “about what he had said to me earlier, after he had walked in on us.”

“What had he said?” Harry continued to inquire, trying to understand what he had missed.

“He was warning me not to be with you for the wrong reasons and to be wary of your intentions, I guess. He cares about us both, doesn’t want either of us to get hurt and I think it was also weird for him to see us in such a compromising position.”

“Why do you think he wanted you to be wary of my intentions?” Harry tilted his head, this comment not really making sense to him.

“Well, what are your intentions?” You didn’t want to mention the ‘harem’ comment, you knew Mitch had said it in the heat of the moment and it would only upset Harry.

“I like you, isn’t it obvious?” Harry said staring directly into your eyes.

“Um..” His blunt statement caught you off guard.

Harry ducked his head and puffed a laugh out of his mouth, almost in disbelief, “No, I guess it’s not.”

You sat there, silent, still no idea how to respond. Harry scratched his head and smiled at you, “You’re gorgeous and fantastic at everything you do. You’re witty and kind, fiercely loyal and never fail to bring a smile to my face, even when you’re crying or I’m crying. Why wouldn’t I be attracted to you?”

Still you remained silent. “C’mon, Y/N. Say something, please. I just laid it all out for you.”

You nodded and tried to streamline your thoughts. Today had been a lot, overwhelming to say the least. “I’ve never had someone feel this way about me, it’s a lot to take in. And...I like you too, Harry, but-”

“Don’t say ‘but’” he pleaded.

“But,” you sighed, “I don’t want you to go through the same thing I did, being strung along by someone who can’t give you what you need. I don’t know how to love someone who isn’t Mitch, I want to, I really, really do, but it’s going to take time, and I like you enough to not want to hurt you.”

“Then let me teach you,” Harry said quickly, taking your hands in his, “Let me be the one to teach you to love someone who isn’t Mitch. That someone is me, by the way.”

You laughed at his final remark, still feeling overwhelmed and unsure.

“And I’m okay with going slow,” he shrugged his shoulders, “we don’t even have to label this. But when I’m with you, here, everyday, I feel at home and when you’re gone, I miss you. You’re constantly on my mind and I’m always looking for your approval. What would hurt me the most is if you don’t give us a chance. Give me a chance to prove to you that you can love someone else and they can love you back, properly.”

His eyes were begging you to say ‘yes’. His hands were clasped tightly around yours, tugging you closer to him.

After everything he said, you wanted to say yes. But, you were scared. You were scared because trying something new, taking a step into the unknown, it was scary sometimes.

But then, you thought back to when Harry had sat with you as you cried over Mitch and how he’d helped you through that moment of weakness. How you had known that night that you could trust him to be there for you. With Harry by your side, maybe you wouldn’t have to be so scared of the unknown, because you wouldn’t be alone anymore.

“Only if you promise not to kick me out of the band if things don’t work out.” You smiled at Harry’s slight confusion. Then his confusion turned into a huge grin, almost every one of his teeth on display for you.

“I’m sorry, I can’t promise you that…” he said mischievously, making it your turn for a look of confusion, “But I’ll raise you one. I promise that things will work out and you’ll stay in the band.”

You rescinded a hand from his grasp and swatted his bicep. “Has anyone ever told you, you’re very cheeky?”

“Almost all the time! And look at that, you’re already speakin’ my language,” he smiled sweetly at you and winked.

“Oh, shut up!” You laughed and went to swat him again, but instead he caught your wrist and brought it down to your side.

“Fine,” he said matter of factly and leaned into your lips, kissing you for a second time today.

He was an amazing kisser, better than anyone you’d ever kissed before, at least, which really wasn’t saying a lot, but you could tell he was experienced. You didn’t think you’d ever get over his warmth either. It was all consuming.

This time it was you who’s tongue asked for entrance to the other’s mouth. Harry gladly obliged as he pulled you closer to him on the bench.

You liked how quickly you and Harry could go from a serious topic to having fun, you’d said what needed to be said and now you were enjoying each other.

It was breathless between you and Harry. His hands ghosting over every part of your body and yours glued to his deliciously soft curls. Harry’s lips began to travel away from yours and a whine came from the back of your throat. Harry ‘tsk’ed against your jaw, but continued to leave open mouth kisses down the side of your neck.

“Oh” was all you said as he began to suck persistently at the base of your neck, right on top of your collarbone. It felt nice, really fucking nice and you felt a hand fall down onto the top of your thigh and squeeze it. This shot electricity through your entire body. The jolt didn’t stop Harry from continuing to suck along your neck, you just felt him pause for a moment, a smirk ghosting against your neck, nipping on the spot below his lips.

After what felt like hours, Harry kissed back up to your lips and then pulled away.

You were attempting to catch your breath when you said, “Is that what you call taking it slow?”

“I wasn’t hearing any complaints?” He responded as his smirk responded, shrugging his shoulders once again.

“No, no complaints,” you moved one of your legs so that both were on one side of the piano stool and scooted into Harry’s chest. He wrapped his arms around you as you snuggled your head into his chest. It had been a long day for both of you, as you thought back to lunch with Harry crying in the storage closet. He kissed the top of your hair and rested his chin on top of your head, beginning to stroke your arm lazily with his fingertips.

You sat in silence, breathing in each other’s presence. You also couldn’t believe how nice he smelled, even after a whole day of work. This man was magic, you thought.

Harry began to laugh softly and you shifted your head to look at him. “You know, I was planning on telling you today, before this all happened.” He continued after taking a finger and running it against the slope of your nose and tapping the tip, “It’s why I had been in such a good mood, had finished the lyrics, and was going to play it for you, but then I got all in my head. And then we were in the storage room and you were being so good to me and then we were kissing and then Mitch walked in and then you ran off and-.”

You cut off his ramble, “I think I got the rest, I was there, babe.” Heat quickly ran to your cheeks at your use of a pet name. Harry noticed it too and echoed it, “Babe? You just called me ‘babe’?”

“No, definitely not,” you tried unconvincingly.

“Oh, I like that,” he continued to tease you, echoing ‘babe’ once more, your face growing redder every second.

“Wait, you were going to play me what?” You suddenly circled back to the first part of Harry’s little rant. He took his hand away from your arm and used it to brush back a strand of hair that had gotten out of place on your head, “Sweet Creature, I was planning on serenading you and then telling you how I felt.”

“You’re fucking with me, that song isn’t about me,” you scoffed and turned your head away, feeling shy at Harry’s intense stare. He was so passionate and it came through in his big, bright eyes. They could be intimidating at times.

“Honest,” he said, “It was your tune after all, can’t believe you’d think I’d write about someone else with your own music.”

“I don’t know, I thought I was just helping you with a song,” you said sheepishly.

“I was looking at you the first time I said the words ‘sweet creature’” Harry persisted, still in disbelief that you hadn’t caught on to his crush on you until he had spelled it out, but then it dawned on him, you had never had someone pine after you.

In that moment he knew that he wanted to show you all the wonderful things that came with being liked by someone, and being intimate with someone who wanted you back. He didn’t care if you were getting over someone else, because he was going to be there to show you how you deserved to be treated and in turn he knew you’d eventually see him as more than a cute, nice guy friend who knew how to kiss.

You sat there as if you were seeing Harry with new eyes. His expression was earnest and he looked down at you brightly. You bit your lip to slow down the smile about to erupt on your face. You hadn’t felt this excited in a long time.

It felt good to be in a man’s arms who looked at you with such great care, almost as if you were the reason his world turned and he didn’t want that to stop, even if you knew it wasn’t true, his eyes insisted it was. It felt good to be in the embrace of a man who wrote you a song and made you smile and laugh. It felt good to be with a man who took your breath away and also got his taken away from you.

You reached up to Harry’s prominent cheekbone and danced your fingertips along his face. He had grown silent at your touch. Your fingers moved up to smooth one of his large brows and stopped at his brow bone. Harry closed his eyes when you touched his brow bone, your touch so close to his eyes. You rested there for a moment and then moved back down his face, traveling over his slightly gaunt cheeks again.

His eyes fluttered open and the sounds of your breathing filled the air, his soft panting slightly louder than your controlled quiet breaths. It seemed your soft caress was having an effect on him.

Harry loved intimate touch. It was taking all of his self-control to keep from nuzzling into your delicate hand on his face, wanting you to explore without his interference.

You continued to slide your hand down his face, over some light scruff, to the curve of his cupid’s bow. Harry parted his lips at this touch, unable to keep his lungs from hitching. You bit your lip again, noting your effect on him. You traced your thumb around the outline of Harry’s mouth, from his cupid’s bow, to one side, and then onto his plush lower lip.

You kept your thumb there, but pulled down slightly, Harry’s mouth opening further. He restrained the whimper in the back of his throat. You weren’t trying to get any reaction out of him, you were simply using your hands to look at his face, tracing him into your sensory memory.

When you pushed your thumb back up, putting his lip back into place, you felt his tongue peak out and touch you. You looked into his green eyes and he only looked back at you. You were in control. You pushed your thumb a millimeter further and Harry took it softly into his mouth, his tongue touching it sweetly and then he closed his mouth, creating a kiss on your thumb. You then removed your thumb from against his puckered lips and placed your exploring hand onto his thigh, giving you leverage to put yourself at eye level with Harry.

“You are so beautiful,” you said slowly, breathing out a breath you didn’t think you had been holding. His face lit up at your remark and he leaned forward to give you one more sweet kiss, “And so are you. Let’s get you home.”

-

The next few weeks felt like a whirlwind. You were constantly doing something. When you weren’t busy working on the album at the studio, Harry was sneaking you off to secluded places in the building to pepper you with kisses or whispering sweet nothings in your ear in between takes. He drove you home every night, walking you to your door and kissing you hard before you went inside, sometimes he’d come in with you and stay the night, cuddling and falling asleep in each other’s arms. Harry also took you out when he could, showing you little holes in the wall you’d never heard of and surprising you with presents that you always told him were too nice. Everything was coming so natural between you two and Harry treated you so well, it made being with him extremely fun and easy.

Mitch and you were doing best friend things again, too, movie nights and music recommendations, calling each other about random shit you’d seen on the news and couldn’t believe. You weren’t pining after him anymore. You loved him still, but you now knew what reciprocated romantic feelings looked like with Harry and you didn’t need or want that from Mitch anymore. Mitch had talked to Harry after you had explained what happened that night and he had given the big brother spiel to Harry, but was convinced when he heard the way Harry talked about you. He hadn’t realized how Harry had felt before then either. Harry joked that the two of you clearly had never seen a romcom before, because you were both “thick” when it came to flirting.

Today was no different from the rest, Harry had his arm slung around your shoulder as you were pressed into his side on the soundboard room’s couch, your arm reaching up to play with his fingertips. His mouth was against your ear, whispering, almost inaudibly, about how good you looked today and how he wanted to kiss you so badly and you were giggling at his borderline dirty words.

Nobody took any real notice, especially because this had been happening for weeks now. Whenever Mitch saw you two like this, he smiled with closed lips, but he seemed genuinely happy. He was happy that everything was working out in the best way possible.

Lunchtime was always fun because now it was time for you and Harry to sneak off to the first place you had kissed. Except it wasn’t so sneaky, literally everyone knew where you were going and what you were going to do. The minute you were inside the room, Harry would press you against the door, slamming it shut. His lips were on yours in an instant.

Today, he grabbed behind your knee and hiked it up around his hips, pressing himself closer to you. You both groaned at the way your bodies fit together. “Mmph, Fuck, Babe,” Harry groaned before moving to kiss your neck. You only whined in response, fisting a part of his shirt in one hand and some strands of his hair in the other.

You had worn a tank top today, so Harry was able to kiss all across your collarbone, he pulled down one side of the tank and your bra strap, exposing more naked skin. “Can you feel what you do to me?” Harry asks, lips ghosting over your skin, hands gripping your hips closer to his body. You can feel him pressing into you beneath his trousers.

“Can I?” you ask, he pulls away from his work on your neck and looks into your eyes. “Y/N, you don’t have to…” his tone quickly softened. The two of you had only done heavy makeout sessions and some topless groping, but nothing below the belt, yet. “But, I want to take care of you,” you stated simply, meeting his gaze with lust blown out eyes.

He sighed, “Oh, darling.” He reached up to brush your hair into place, it was always getting so messy when you made out.

“My body wants nothing more than for you to take care of me, but one, if you blow me right now, I don’t know how I will get through the rest of the day without loving up on you every second,” you laughed at his words and rolled your eyes.

“And two, when it’s our first time, I want it to be our first time doing everything together, don’t want me to get a head start.”

You wanted to be serious about him being so sweet about your first time together, but you couldn’t ignore the sexual pun he’d just made. You burst out into unrestrained laughter and Harry looked at you, concerned. His eyebrows were knit together as he watched you laughing your head off.

“What?”

“Oh my god, Harry, did you hear yourself?”

“Thought I was being sweet,” he puffed indignantly.

“Head,” you said in between laughs, “Start.”

It clicked in his mind and he rolled his eyes at your immaturity. “You catch that, it’s not even funny, but you don’t catch my flirting for weeks...makes you wonder...” he trails off.

“You’re so mean to me! Guess you don’t want anymore kisses,” you stick your tongue out at him and he smiles.

The more time you spent together, the more your silly side kept coming out with him. Harry loved it, he loved that you could be intellectual and passionate, but also pick out some unintentional innuendo pun at the end of his heartfelt sentiment about your sex life together.

You readjusted yourselves to leave and as you exited Harry said, “What am I going to do with you?”

You held one of his hands and twirled in the hallway, smiling back at him as he walked behind you. You were like a dream, his dream. He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed someone until you’d come into his life, being there for him, being the lovely person he’d come to know. You were wonderful and you were his. And he, in turn, was yours.

-

Hope you enjoyed part 3!

@imagine-that-1975

[cpcoulter-official]

This is Me Trying

For a long moment, he scanned the trees and bushes, through the sidewalk, up and down. Satisfied it was empty, or reasonably so, he stepped back from the window and drew the curtains slightly, allowing a few lances of sunshine through.

As he turned to scoop up the electric kettle, Julian said from the counter, “It’s fine, don’t worry. No one followed me or saw me.” He never even looked up from the drink cupped in his hands.

Oz just smiled faintly as he poured hot water over the teabag in his own cup. “You gotta admit, there’s no way to really be sure when it’s someone of your caliber.” He walked over to the kitchen island and took the seat across the corner from his unexpected guest.

Julian didn’t answer. Oz gave him a few charitable moments of contemplative quiet as he steeped his own tea. He took the bag out with care, adding sugar generously, before reaching over to take his guest’s cup and swapping it with his cup. “This looks like it’d be better for you. You’re expecting too much out of your coffee from the way you stare at it.”

“What is this?” Julian asked with a mild grimace when he took a bracing sip.

Oz was pleased; getting some emotion out of him was good. “It’s herbal. Supposed to calm you. I wouldn’t know, I don’t drink it a lot.”

“Like you need any more calming…” Julian snorted and took another sip. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Oz replied, setting down his own drink. “So...are you...going to tell me what brings you to San Francisco?” He smirked slightly before taking another sip. “Without even a call to warn me that I was going to have an Oscar nominee sitting in my kitchen?”

“Don’t be like that,” Julian made a face at him. “That never mattered to you.”

“You’re right…” Oz laughed, hoping it was contagious enough to crack a smile from the other boy. He looked around again. “...but seriously, you need to tell someone where you are. You didn’t even bring a bodyguard?” He looked at Julian with a furrow on his brow. “Given what happened...I’d expect you’d have your own Secret Service at this point.”

Julian’s hands tightened around the cup as he stared into it. “...yeah, my handler thinks I’ve gone to see Berkeley.”

Oz lit up at that. “Are you? Did you change your mind? You’re going to college?”

“Do I look like I have time to go to college…?” Julian retorted, barely moving.

“You never know,” Oz replied with a smile. “You always make time when it matters to you.” He paused before adding with a sigh, “Which is why...I know there has to be a really good reason you’re sitting in my kitchen right now.”

The pause felt heavy, and Oz wasn’t used to that with this particular person. He remembered how Julian used to laugh in the same way light reflects from glass; it would scatter in echoes on the walls and you didn’t have a choice but to smile. Because he seemed so...young.

And looking at this boy, sunglasses on his messy chocolate-colored crown, oversized merch sweater from the last Haven tour, flushed from the sunny outdoors but heavy-lidded, and lashes smudged dark onto his cheeks--he looked younger than ever.

“I just...thought I’d come by.” Julian whispered.

It sounded like a secret. Like everything about this visit. Like everything about the two of them.

“...you look tired,” Oz remarked quietly. “You haven’t been sleeping well?”

“...sometimes I think I sleep too much.”

“Not back to work yet, are you?” Oz asked, concerned. “You don’t look to be in any condition to go back work the way you do.” That, and nothing in the news and gossip rags suggested that Julian Larson had ever even stirred out of his house. At least not from what Oz knew.

“I want to…” Julian sighed, stirring the cup as though the dredges would answer him. “...it’d be something to do. I don’t want to be inside anymore. Like…” The way he stared out to the sunshine outside made it seem like he was looking through worlds. “...I want to be somewhere else.”

There was a pause, and then Julian looked at him with a faint smile. “You were the first person I thought of.”

At that, Oz had the humility to blush as he looked away from that familiar smile. He remembered back when he was free to kiss it when he wanted, but never really took advantage of the fact. Now it just felt like something glimmering in the distance that he could admire and not touch. And he was alright with that.

What he wasn’t alright with was the reason it was here again. “I’m flattered, J. But...I’m just more worried about you than ever now.” He sighed. “Everyone’s heard about what happened to you, and then not much about you since.”

“You’ve kept tabs on me?”

“Hard not to,” Oz smiled. “You left an impression.”

“And what did you hear everyone say about me?” Julian asked, almost sarcastically.

“That you were healing, that your manager said that you’re resting, that your mother is looking after you, that rumor has it you’re going to a spa in the Netherlands for therapy, that you’re going to be okay…” Oz leaned back with a smile. Then he was serious again. “But you’re not okay.”

“I’m not,” Julian admitted. He hesitated for one more moment, and then maybe his internal walls started to crack, as it all came rushing out. “I can’t stay home and...watch my mother worry about me. Stare at me with that look on her face. I can’t eat another plate of aggressively healthy organic recovery food. I can’t...deal with cameras with the telephoto lenses around the corner down our street. Watching for me. I don’t...know how they knew where I go for physical therapy and I want to throw my phone every time there’s an update about an in-depth interview request or...or…an appearance at Oprah or...or…” He let out a shaking breath. “They said this was all in my head, it’s all up to me about getting “better” or that I’m so talented that I shouldn’t waste it and I need to get better, all that, but everyone’s doing things around me and looking at me and expecting me to do...something... It’s just…” He closed his eyes and pressed his hands to his temples.

He looks so young.

Oz smiled sadly. “...it’s too much noise, huh?”

“It’s...everyone wanting a piece of me.” Julian braced his elbows on the counter and stared into the distance again. “...I don’t even know if I want me. Or if I can be the me that everyone wants right now.”

“Nobody has the right to demand that of you,” Oz replied softly, after charitable consideration. “You shouldn’t be made to feel like you owe them anything.”

“Is that why you quit…?” Julian asked.

“I never quit,” Oz bristled back at him, and for the first time, that familiar laugh scattered onto his walls. “I’m just not as intense about my filmography as you. I do still work, you know.”

“S’not what your IMDB page says.”

“You’ve kept tabs on me?” Oz teasingly mimicked him. But he smiled. “I do theatre these days. You should try it. You’d be amazing at it.”

“What’s college like?” Julian asked with a soft smile at him. “Do you like it?”

“It’s alright,” Oz laughed, indulging his need to change the topic. “I’d rather be on the stage. But having a degree is an important part of my fallback plan, and it’d make my parents feel better, so I trudge through it.” He smiled warmly at Julian. “You don’t need a backup plan, though. You’ve always known what you wanted and where you wanted to be.”

Those beautiful brown eyes just stared at him, looking big and a little haunted. “...do I?”

“You do,” Oz replied firmly, taking his hand and giving it a firm squeeze. “You always have. And if you don’t yet...well… you’ll figure it out.”

“I’m trying,” Julian’s voice started to waver, his hands cold and they shook. “I’m trying so hard but…I can’t see it yet.”

“You will,” Oz replied, staring back at him. “Julian, you… You know, you’re literally the weirdest kid I know? I have never in my life met anyone like you. When we were...when we were still a thing, I was intimidated by the fact that you had such a clear, definite goal in front of you. And it was a crazy stupid goal too, a freaking EGOT by age twenty-one, like—” he paused for a moment when he heard Julian let out a laugh, “—seriously, like in what universe does someone your age, my age have that insane goal with a refusal to accept any other outcome, and you were so intense about it that you were literally within reach of it, huh? And there was just me, like, happy to just get another casting…Hell, I could’ve done Youtube and been happy. I kept asking myself, who are you, why is this person going out with me, like…?”

He smiled as he waited for Julian to wipe his eyes. Then he added, “...you’re a freak in the way that… you figure it out. All the time. Like how a cat always lands on its feet. I mean I’m not going to say all your choices are great, but…” He shrugged. “You get there. And I know you’ll figure it out when you give yourself the chance to.”

“Cat…” Julian smiled faintly, looking as though he were remembering something. It was a pause before he suddenly said, “You know my mom got me one? Like...supposedly he’s an emotional support cat but I think she just got him for me for...companionship purposes.”

“Always good to have a friend,” Oz replied with a grin. Then he blinked in realization. “...is that why you came to me?”

“...I didn’t know if you’d care, if I dropped in without telling you,” Julian gave him an almost apologetic smile. “But I just...needed someone away from...all that.”

That was big. Bigger than Oz had expected. Julian Larson was not someone he knew to really need anyone. Even when they worked together in Something Damaged, it was like the show needed Julian and not the other way around. He even knew everyone’s lines better than they did.

“I’m just...trying to get better,” Julian whispered, reminding Oz that he’d gone quiet. “I thought...going to someone away from all this would help.”

Oz smiled and squeezed his hands reassuringly. “See…? I told you you’d know where to go.” He received a small smile for that. “Screw what everyone wants you to do. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be?”

It was like the question frightened him. Julian’s eyes were wide and he looked like he was looking for an answer. But was it really the question that worried him, or the answer?

Softly, Oz said, “Forget their expectations of you. And forget what you’re expecting of yourself. You haven’t let anything or anyone down. All this...it’s...just a setback. You’re getting back to your feet, that’s what it is. So… if there’s someplace you want to be, just for right now, or the immediate future… You should be there. Like when you picked to be here suddenly.”

He gave Julian an intent stare. “When you think of where you want to be...where’s the first place you think of…?”

Julian was very quiet as he stared back at him. But Oz knew, behind those brown eyes, he was seeing something or someone. A place or a person. Something. Like he was seeing an instant flashback. Julian did know where he wanted to be. He always did. Oz knew that well.

But wherever it is… it may not be a place he can be in just yet.

So he smiled instead. “Hey. You don’t have to go there this second. You don’t have to look so afraid. I’m not going to throw you out my door to go. You’re welcome to stay for as long as you like.”

“...I guess not.” Julian managed to smile.

“Well, if you’re not going anywhere for a bit, then…” Oz poured him another cup of tea, beaming at him and trying to lighten the mood. “So...tell me about your new cat, and I’ll tell you about theatre.”

“I would like that.”

~~~

[taexual]

i’d love you to stay but that’s simply insane // JJK (9)

       jungkook is an uncontrollable lead vocalist of the campus band, and you’re a goal-oriented top student that’s known his rich and complicated family since childhood. you don’t want anything to do with each other, until each other is exactly what you want to do.

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: college au

warnings: none, just the frustration of knowing that their plan to fake-date is 100% going to fail

words: 5.2k

  chapter nine

That Sunday night, Jungkook picked you up from your dormitory, having no idea that you’d just had a breakdown over what to wear when going to visit the parents of your childhood-best-friend-turned-fake-boyfriend.

You walked out of the building trying to look like you did this every night and Jungkook – who had a breakdown as soon as he saw the way you looked and realized that speaking was most likely going to be a problem for him tonight – tried to act like this wasn’t anything unusual, either.

“You look really good,” he told you politely – like a fake-boyfriend was supposed to – and even opened the passenger door of his car for you.

“You don’t have to do that,” you told him as he helped you inside even though you were perfectly capable of climbing into a car yourself – you’d opted out of heels and a dress out of fear of looking too formal, so your outfit wasn’t an obstacle. “We’re not actually dating.”

“I’m just helping you get into a car,” Jungkook said nonchalantly but he thanked God you didn’t feel how clammy his hands were. “That’s what friends do.”

You snorted. “Right. Okay.”

“Don’t overthink this,” he added before closing your door and jogging around the front of the car to the driver’s side. He climbed in and his eyes settled on you right away. “I… thank you. I didn’t get to say that before.”

You exhaled slowly. “Thank me after. We don’t even know if this is going to work.”

“What do you mean? How could it not?” he asked, truly thinking that his plan was fool-proof. He saw the doubt in your eyes, though, and felt the need to reassure you with a scoff and a lie, “I’m not going to catch feelings and blow the whole thing, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“Famous last words,” you told him with a serious look—that was more of a glance, really, because any talk about feelings made your head spin.

Jungkook only snickered at this. “I mean it. I’m very determined.”

“T-that’s not it, though,” you said then. “That’s not the part I’m, uh, worried about.”

“Well, tell me, then,” he encouraged. “Let’s get the doubts out of the way before we do this.”

“What if your parents don’t believe us?” you asked, turning your head towards him but not daring to raise your eyes above his waist. Which wasn’t that good of an idea as you came to learn as soon as your eyes captured the glistening buckle of his belt and his white dress shirt tucked inside of his pants. It’s been a while since you’d seen him dressed in something that wasn’t all-black and ripped.

“Why wouldn’t they?” he asked. “We’ve lied to them before, remember?”

“Yeah but that was, like, lying about not eating all the ice cream in the fridge. Kid stuff,” you said. “Now you’re straight-up going to fool your parents into thinking you’re dating someone.”

His features morphed in offense but, of course, you didn’t see that – his belt looked completely unfazed.

“And that’s so hard to believe, isn’t it?” Jungkook asked.

His voice gave away his emotions and you raised your eyes, somewhat surprised to learn that your words may have been insulting.

“I didn’t mean it like—” you started to say but found it pointless all of a sudden and changed the direction, “well, actually, I don’t know. I don’t know how many relationships you’ve been in for the past however-many-years that it’s been since we’ve last talked.”

You knew very well how many years it’s been and he knew you knew. Calling you out wasn’t something he even considered, however, because there were far more important matters to clear up now.

“Do you want an approximate number,” he asked, his face stoic now, “or should I break it all down in detail?”

You pursed your lips involuntarily, looking away again as your fingers toyed with the edge of your handbag. “Approximate is fine. But that’s not the point—”

“Zero,” he said. “I’ve never dated.”

Your eyes shot to his. “No. That’s—alright, no. Let’s establish something first, okay? Honesty is important if we’re doing this. We’re already going to be lying to our parents so let’s not lie to each other.”

“I’m not lying to you. I’ve seriously never dated.”

You didn’t believe that for a single second. “You’ve never been on one date?”

“Well, I went on that date with your cousin when we were nine,” he said, “but she threw a rock at me after I held her hand, and I don’t remember how it ended. Does that count?”

You snorted, unable to help yourself. “I remember that. Everyone thought she gave you a concussion.”

“Yeah. So, I just decided to stop dating from then on.”

“Be serious,” you warned.

“I am serious,” he insisted. “Well, not about that part, but I really didn’t date. Relationships are a lot of work, you need time for that. Dedication. Maturity.”

“The three things you don’t have.”

“Exactly,” he grinned, his ego too big to allow this little bruise to sting.

“Alright, well, if that’s really true—”

“It is.”

“—then your parents are definitely going to have a hard time believing you’re in a serious relationship. They’ll see right though this,” you said and he looked away, thinking. “I mean, the day before your car accident you were enjoying your single life, and now you’re in a serious relationship all of a sudden?”

“We’ll tell them we’ve been dating since before the accident,” he said. “My mom saw you at the hospital when you came to visit me, so it all adds up.”

You swallowed. “Okay. Let’s say we do that. But still – you’ve never been in a serious relationship before. Why would they believe that you’ve changed your mind? Maybe they’ll think you’re mocking them by bringing some random girl over—”

“You’re not a random girl, though,” he disagreed. “You’re you. That’s why they have to believe us.”

“I don’t—but why does it have to be me? Because we were friends once upon a time?”

“Well… yeah,” Jungkook said, not finding a better way to tell you that, even if you hadn’t been friends before, he wouldn’t have wanted to do this with anyone else. “Because of that.”

Exhaling and releasing some of your doubts, you closed your eyes. “I don’t know…”

He sighed, knowing that your uncertainty was going to suffocate you before the night was over but not knowing how to ease it. The truth was, he wasn’t absolutely sure what awaited you two in the future, but he really did believe that the dinner tonight was going to be a success.

“Look,” he started, “I get where you’re coming from, really. I do. And, if I did this with someone else, then my parents would definitely kick us both to the curb as soon as we showed up at their house. It wouldn’t make sense, like you said,” he paused, accidentally adding a dramatic flair to his speech, “but it’s you. Y-you… you make sense. Even if I’ve never dated before, dating you would make sense.”

If you would have been capable of any rational thought at that moment, you would've probably given in and admitted that he did have a point. The two of you had grown up together, it wouldn’t be so hard to believe that you eventually found your way back to each other and started a relationship. However, you were most positively not in your right mind as every organ inside of you was suddenly shutting down and making it very hard to sit still and not suffocate, so you chose not to say anything.

“Hmm,” you only managed, afraid to open your mouth in case you’d sound like a cat giving birth.

Dating you would make sense. Dating you would make sense. Dating you would—

“So, can we go now?” Jungkook asked after checking the time on the dashboard of the car. “We’ve been sitting here for over ten minutes, talking about this. I’m afraid I’ll lose all of my cold appeal if we keep going.”

Startled to hear that, you started to say, “it hasn’t been ten minutes…” only to check the clock and learn that, “oh, wow, it has.”

“Yes,” he said. “Time sure flies when you’re overthinking things.”

You glared at him – earning an endearing grin from him in return – and shook your head.

“Fine, let’s go,” you said then. “You’re the one who suggested clearing all doubts anyway.”

“Well, did it work?” he asked, starting his car.

“Not really,” you admitted. It actually made it worse since your heart seemed to have started to beat in many different places all throughout your body, no longer content with just your chest. “But it will be fine. If your parents don’t immediately kick me out of the house, of course.”

“They won’t. Don’t worry.”

“I’m trying not to,” you said. “But on top of everything else, I’m also naturally anxious when it comes to dinners with adults.”

He gave you a confused look. “You’re an adult.”

“No, but you know what I mean,” you groaned. “Parents are a different kind of adults.”

“Okay,” he chuckled, not trying to mock you because he really did understand. Then, in a yet another attempt to make you feel better, he awarded you with his million-dollar smile that he must have stolen from Prince Charming himself as he said, “if it helps, I’ll hold your hand through it. And I promise the dinner will go by smoothly.”

Jungkook started to keep his promise of holding your hand as soon as you stepped out of the car outside of his parents’ house. You didn’t say anything – choosing to give him a grateful smile instead – and followed him to the front porch.

In the few seconds that it took for his mother to open the door of this larger-than-necessary mansion, your heart dropped to your stomach several times and, if Jungkook hadn’t been squeezing your hand every now and then, you probably would have bolted and returned back to campus. What you were about to do was insane—

But there was no time to reconsider because, all of a sudden, Jungkook’s mother was in front of you, her pleasant smile turning into a surprised one as soon as she spotted you next to her son.

“Oh! Hi!” she said to you, turning to Jungkook with wide eyes, “I wasn’t aware you were going to—”

“Yeah, I wanted us to come together tonight,” Jungkook said and lifted your intertwined hands until it attracted his mother’s attention. She seemed even more surprised now. “I’d say I’d introduce you but you know each other, of course.”

“I—we do, of course. It’s always a pleasure to see you,” his mother pulled you into a hug – while Jungkook kept on holding your hand – never once making it seem like you weren’t welcome here. “Well, come inside, both of you! I was just setting up the table.”

She did make her surprise obvious as her eyes remained glued to your hands but, in her defense, she played her shock off very casually as she ushered you both into the dining room.

“Your father will be down shortly,” she told Jungkook. “I’ll go get the plates.”

“Could I help?” you offered. It came naturally – just like shaking her head came naturally for Jungkook’s mother.

“Not at all, love, you two get comfortable,” she said. “Dinner will be ready in a moment.”

His mother walked back towards the kitchen, leaving you and Jungkook alone but, with an involuntary glance over her shoulder – because she truly couldn’t help her surprise – she still managed witness the two of you continue your act as Jungkook pulled back your chair, helping you into it.

She smiled after catching this brief moment and went to check the oven, hoping that her husband – who was already climbing down the stairs – wasn’t going to make this dinner awkward.

You had to admit, Jungkook’s father didn’t react to you being here in the way you’d expected.

“What a wonderful surprise,” was the first thing he said once he saw you. You stood up to say hello but he was quick to dismiss you with a homely smile, “no, no, sit, sit! We’re about to have dinner.”

It was a funny sort of miracle how neither of his parents seemed to find the courage to outright ask what you were doing here. You had a feeling they didn’t want to offend you by asking – you did help them locate their son when he momentarily went off the grid last Sunday – but you and Jungkook couldn’t build his reputation as a trustworthy son without making the—fake—status of your relationship clear.

“I hope it’s okay that we came together,” Jungkook said when his mother brought the main course to the table.

“Of course!” she said, playing the role of a flawless hostess. “There’s plenty of food for all. And it’s nice to see you two here together again.”

You swallowed with a nervous glance at the boy next to you – who was clutching your hand under the table – but Jungkook never lost his composure. He seemed to have really planned this out. Or maybe he was just good at improvising.

“Yeah, we, um… we’ve been talking for a while now,” he said. Your stomach clenched uncomfortably but you hoped no one noticed you cringe. “Not in the way we used to, though.”

“No?” his mother took a seat next to his father, opposite the two of you. “Well, I suppose that makes sense, it’s been a while, after all. You’re all grown up now.”

Still no question to clarify the state of your relationship. Jungkook could feel himself start to grow agitated. But perhaps he should have seen this coming – his parents’ way of dealing with unexpected problems was pretending that they weren’t problems at all.

“We are grown up,” Jungkook said, throwing his father a sideways glance – which he ignored by not even lifting his head from the still-empty plate in front of him – and then looking back at his mother. “Which is why, I felt like it was important to let you know that we are back together now. Really, together this time.”

That got his father to raise his eyes. “Hm?”

“Yeah, we’re—we caught up with each other and decided to give a relationship a try,” he said, lying with relative ease even under his father’s stern gaze. You sure were glad both of his parents had their eyes glued to him and didn’t catch the unpleasant expression on your face. “We’ve been dating for a while now.”

“That is great news, my love!” his mother exclaimed and you weren’t sure which one of you she was addressing as she looked at you both. You barely had enough time to put on your best smile before, a moment later, her eyes returned to you again, “oh! Were the two of you already together when you came to see him the hospital?”

“I—” you looked at Jungkook for help. “We—”

“Yes,” he said with a warning squeeze of your hand under the table.

“Yes!” you repeated. “Yes, we were. I just—I didn’t think it was the right time to announce our relationship, you know? Since we were at the hospital, and all.”

“Oh, of course, of course,” his mother nodded, understanding. “Well, regardless, I’m very glad you decided to tell us tonight. A toast?”

She lifted her glass of wine – how typical of the Jeon household to turn every surprising turn of events into something to celebrate – and the rest of you followed.

The dinner went by surprisingly smoothly after that – just like Jungkook had told you it would – and, thanks to your past, his parents never made you two go through the story of “how you two met.” Instead, they asked you how you were doing at school and what you planned to do in the future. They seemed impressed to hear about your achievements – and even more impressed to hear about your ambitions – and Jungkook couldn’t help the proud smile on his face because he knew his parents were going to fall in love with you all over again.

“I must say, I was surprised when you two showed up together tonight,” his mother told you once your plates were clear, gracefully holding her third glass of wine in her hand. This woman could get blind-drunk and still remain one of the most elegant people you’ve ever met. “But I really shouldn’t have been, should I? It’s been a long time coming.”

“It really has,” his father agreed. You couldn’t decipher his tone and weren’t quite sure if there was supposed to be a hidden meaning behind his words.

His gaze was so intense, however, that you feared it was going to penetrate your mind and catch you in a lie. Lowering your eyes, you smiled and chose to sit here quietly because that reduced your chances of saying the wrong thing and ruining this.

“We’re glad to welcome you back into our family, though,” Jungkook’s mother added. “I always felt like we were missing something by the table at our Sunday night dinners.”

“Well, our son was what was missing most of the time,” his father interjected and you could feel the jolt that went through Jungkook’s body as his hold on your hand tightened. “But it seems like we’ll see a lot more of you now, yes?”

“Yes,” Jungkook said and then cleared his throat. He thought he sounded like a child every time he spoke to his father. “You know I’m trying to be more responsible.”

“That’s good,” his father said. “I hope this motivation isn’t short-lived.”

You couldn’t help your curiosity as you lifted your gaze to look at the man who’d fathered the boy next to you because, more and more, it was starting to sound like he was talking to a random neighborhood kid who’d misbehaved instead of his own child.

And yet, the look in Jungkook’s father’s eyes was warm. He wished well. He may have acted like he was thinking of the future of his company but, really, he seemed to have been genuinely worried about his son. He’s always been worried about Jungkook but the way he chose to express this worry – by neglecting instead of nurturing, by scolding instead of helping – wasn’t the most effective and his mother had been the one who tried to make up for it.

Just like right now, as she coughed coolly, diverting your attention from his father and giving her son a supportive smile.

“I’m sure it’s not,” she said. “He’s got a determined face. He’s not giving up.”

“I’m not,” Jungkook confirmed and looked at you with such care in his eyes that, for a moment, you forgot that this was all an act. “She’s helping me remain motivated.”

“Well, good,” his father said – and, for what seemed like the first time in his life, Jungkook didn’t immediately turn his head in the direction of his voice, choosing to look at you for a moment longer instead – as he straightened in his chair. “Don’t lose her.”

“Don’t worry,” Jungkook said, following the request you’d made in the car – he was going to be lying to his parents, but he was going to be honest with you, “I won’t.”

Even though the dinner turned out to be unexpectedly bearable and even pleasant, you still hoped you’d get to leave as soon as your plates were empty but Jungkook’s mother proved that she wasn’t just treating you nicely because you were a guest in her house – she was treating you nicely because she genuinely loved having you around again. So, instead of letting you leave, she insisted on serving dessert and then, much to your and Jungkook’s horror, taking the old photo-albums out.

You were certain that these pictures were going to trigger some sort of long-suppressed traumas as you and Jungkook stared at each other with wide eyes, alarms going off in both of your heads.

“Oh, this is a good one!” his mother said, coming back with a pale yellow album. “It’s from when you two were toddlers, so you probably don’t even remember these.”

“We might remember the pictures,” Jungkook pointed out carefully, not wanting to hurt her feelings, “we’ve seen them before.”

“Well, I should hope you did. Pictures were made to be looked at,” she said in an oddly profound way and then patted the couch on each side of herself, indicating for you and him to sit. “I know you two kids must have plans of your own, so I’m not going to bring the entirety of our photo library out. But, bear with me here, okay? It’s been so long since I’ve had you both in the same room.”

You swallowed thickly, realizing now that, in your suffering over your lost friendship with Jungkook, you hadn’t even considered the pain your fall-out brought upon your families who treated you both like you were their children.

“We, um—we have time for one photo-album,” you said and his mother’s face lit up. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen the pictures anyway.”

And it really has as you found yourself struggling to remember the context of the pictures – even though you had heard the stories about your early years so many times before – as Jungkook’s mother flipped through them, chuckling and cooing at how cute you looked when you were getting your diaper changed. Or how ridiculously easy it was to get you or Jungkook to stop screaming for no reason and photograph you.

“We just had to put you both in the same crib,” his mother said. “Ever since you were born, you were both fussy babies. You’d eat, you’d rest, you’d interact, and you would still keep crying. But your mom and I figured out a solution one night when we were tired. We moved Jungkook to your crib and the crying stopped almost immediately.”

You recalled hearing about this now that she mentioned it, but the story seemed to gain a new meaning now.

“We weren’t sure what would happen if we did this,” she continued, flipping to a new page where several pictures of you and Jungkook laying next to each other in the crib were taken, “but you seemed to calm down around each other. So, whenever we would come over to your house or vice versa, we’d leave you two to yourselves and, us, adults, would actually be able to have a night-in like in the old days.”

“And you weren’t afraid we would get into a fight when left alone?” Jungkook asked, always one to wreck a sweet moment as he mimicked tiny baby fists and the boxing fight he had in mind.

His mother laughed, shaking her head.

“You’d never. You didn’t even cry when you had to share toys with each other. It surprised us, actually,” she said and then she looked at you with the same warm gaze that Jungkook possessed, “your mom and I thought that this was because we had been best friends for years before you two were born, you know? We kept joking how our kids were naturally made to be best friends as well.”

You smiled but, once again, it was Jungkook who made a comment, “huh. Who knew friendships were hereditary.”

“No, no, I think there was something more than just an inherited friendship,” his mother disagreed with a soft shake of her head, “you two couldn’t even talk – you could scarcely sit unsupported – and yet you shared this calming effect on each other. There seemed to be this connection between you from the very beginning. It was almost bizarre at times,” she looked at you again as she continued, “one time, you dropped your favorite plushie through the gap in the crib and it landed on the floor. Jungkook, sitting on my lap as your mother and I talked in the kitchen, started to cry. Just like that. Completely out of the blue.”

“Maybe he heard me crying over the lost toy?” you suggested.

“No, that’s just the thing – you weren’t crying. He was,” she said. “But he couldn’t have known that you dropped the toy because your room wasn’t visible from where we were sitting. It was like he could somehow feel your distress. It was most peculiar and yet so sweet. It charmed everyone’s hearts whenever we told them. They, of course, thought we were exaggerating this, but—”

“I can see why they’d think that,” Jungkook interjected with a smile for his mother – as a response to the glare she gave him after he’d said this.

“—but that’s what happened,” she finished. “You two always had a special bond. It’s what brought you back together after so long, I think.”

She continued to flip through the pictures but she didn’t share any more stories. And, when you looked up at her face, you were surprised to see tears in her eyes. Unsure what to say, you waited for Jungkook to notice that you were looking at her – and he did, almost right away – and then allowed him to take control of the situation.

He didn’t know what the right thing to say was, either – asking why she was tearing up seemed impolite somehow, even if she was his mother – and, to be honest, he feared that she might have expressed her joy about your relationship if he asked her anything right now, and that would have made him feel guilty because he was, technically, faking it all.

So, placing his hand on his mother’s and, consequently, stopping her from opening the next page, he said softly, “this has been really nice, mom. But it’s getting late. We should probably get going.”

Sniffling, she looked up at the clock on the opposite wall of the room and then nodded, chuckling in a useless attempt to hide her teary eyes.

“Of course,” she said. “I was a bit much, wasn’t I?”

“Not at all,” you cut in quickly. “I’ve always loved your stories.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook echoed. “But we better get going before you reveal anything else about our childhoods and we learn that we’re long-lost X-Men with telepathic abilities.”

This got his mother to laugh finally.

“Oh, shut it,” she said with a good-natured smile. “I was just saying how you two are special.”

“Thanks for that, mom,” he said, kissing her temple. “But, still, we have to get going.”

“Thank you very much for dinner,” you said as his mother stood up to walk you to the door. “It was lovely.”

“Having you here was lovely as well,” she replied, giving you a hug – this time, without Jungkook holding your hand and pulling you back – and then, whispering in your ear so her son wouldn’t hear, she said, “thank you for taking care of him.”

And, meaning every word, you whispered back, “it’s my pleasure.”

When Jungkook stopped the car outside of your dormitory, neither of you was sure what to do next.

The story of a mysterious but powerful connection that his mother had told you still echoed in your head and it was this story that prompted you to say the first thing that popped into your mind, all so you wouldn’t have to wallow in the silence of the car and make yourself suffer, thinking about your possible destiny to be close to each other.

“Hey,” you said, “I didn’t get to ask before. Why does your whole car smell like strawberries?”

“Oh,” he seemed relieved to hear you speak, “that’s strawberries and mint,” he clarified and pulled a plastic bottle of Orbit chewing gum from the glove compartment, “it’s my favorite gum. Want one?”

“Ah. No, thanks.”

“Suit yourself,” he said, popping a few pieces of gum into his mouth. Suddenly, you regretted not taking one as well just to have something to do because the sight of his jaw moving was near hypnotizing. “So. Same time next week?”

You laughed, glad that the exit out of this unusual situation turned out to be far less awkward than you’d expected -- there was no guide-book on how to end fake-dates, after all.

It must have been the aforementioned connection doing its magic again.

“Sure,” you said, opening the door of the car. “See you then.”

“See you until then,” he corrected, leaning down so he’d be able to see you as you stepped out of the car and paused, peering inside. “We have class together and I’m an exemplary student now, remember?”

“Oh, right,” you played along. “Well, I’ll catch you at our Marketing test then.”

Jungkook was putting the chewing gum back into the glove department but he did a double-take after you said that. “We have—you’re fucking with me, right?”

“No,” you resisted the urge to grin. “The professor told us last week.”

He was confused. “Where was I?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. Getting drunk? Starting fights? Crashing your car into—”

“Alright, got it,” he cut you off. “Can I meet you before the test? So we can compare notes?”

You scoffed. “Lots of good that’ll do me when you didn’t attend a single class this semester.”

“I’m a charity case,” he tried. “You’ll feel very fulfilled after having helped me.”

You weren’t sure if it was your natural inability to say no to him or his sparkling eyes that got you to roll your eyes and abandon any form of protesting you may have resolved to if you’d been talking to someone else.

“Fine,” you said. “See you before the test.”

Jungkook smiled, very pleased with himself. “Thank you again.”

“For the test?”

He looked down before answering, not wanting to spent the rest of the night thanking you for everything you’d ever done for him, but also not being able to find the words that would express his gratitude properly because, no, he wasn’t thanking you just for the test. Or just for tonight.

“For being my friend,” he ended up saying. “I couldn’t have asked someone else to do this.”

Your chest seemed to expand to fit all the butterflies, and, because you didn’t know how to deal with so many fluttering wings inside of you, you ended up replying teasingly, “why not? I think Taehyung would have done wonders fake-dating you.”

Jungkook snorted, shaking his head. “He might have. But I’d still rather do this with you. So, thank you.”

That was twice he’d thanked you now. If he’d have done it again, your chest would have most likely exploded.

“Anytime,” you said, your gaze lingering on his as you took this moment in. “That’s what friends are for, apparently, right?”

“I wouldn’t know,” he replied with an awkward chuckle. “Turns out, I don’t have a lot of them.”

“Well,” you said, not sure if saying this would make the situation better and yet not being able to not say it, “you have me.”

The thoughts in his head all stopped running and left his heart in charge of processing your words.

“R-right...” he said weakly and you gave him one last smile and a wave, and then finally closed the door of his car before walking away to your dormitory.

Jungkook watched you go, his head empty but his chest full. His breath hitching but his eyes alive. His body numb but his blood pumping.

He had you. He had you. He had you.

keep reading | masterlist

[honey-coloured-passion]

‘Til Time Do Us Part - KarlNap (DreamSMP)

1.7k words

Summary: Karl meets, and eventually falls for a kind stranger. (This is based on time traveler Karl from Dream SMP canon!)

“Where, where am I?” Karl felt his head spinning as he stumbled out of a familiar library. Glancing around he noted the heaps of books stacked on each other, there were paintings of different faces adorned on the walls, and there was a young man sitting comfortably in an armchair, staring right at him. 

“Hi!” The stranger stood up, bunching up the papers he’d been staring at as he moved towards Karl. “You must be new to the library! I’m Sapnap.” the taller man stuck out his hand, Karl carefully took the handshake, noting the warm smile Sapnap was giving him. 

“Do you know exactly where we are?” Karl didn’t quite know the question to ask, he barely knew who he was at this point. But Sapnap seemed kind and welcoming, he gestured Karl to follow him into an adjacent room in the library.

Pointing at a row of maps he began, “you’re in Dream SMP, look, this is where we are. Then there’s L’manburg, or what’s left of it, Party Island, the prison, and ooh! I just put the new hotel Tommy’s building here as well. Looks good huh?” Sapnap gestured wildly around the crinkling brown paper with a beaming smile. Karl studied the map hoping to gain some semblance of knowledge about where he was. But this map practically answered every question he had perfectly; little bullet points made note of important recent events describing actions he had apparently made in the past few weeks. It was a real-life summary of everything, all he needed to know, it was perfect.

“You made this?” Karl gawked at the masterpiece in front of him. Sapnap rubbed the back of his neck, “well I had a little help but yeah! It’s uh, nice to know what’s going on. You- I, I can be pretty forgetful you know?” and Karl couldn’t help but agree. Just ask he began to take another look at the map Sapnap cleared his throat, “would you wanna go check out Party Island? I know you’ll love to see what the llamas are doing today!” and Karl couldn’t deny he wanted to spend time with this kind stranger. 

Quickly they had raced through the SMP to Party Island, Sapnap had led Karl through all the best parts of the world. They stole potatoes from a child named Purpled, sang songs with a strange naked man, and harassed various British children all before ending on the roller coaster in Party Island. Karl had gone from chasing after Sapnap to roaming the world hand in hand in just a measure of hours. As they rounded the day out Sapnap pulled Karl’s attention from the setting sun to his chocolate brown eyes. 

Sapnap looked golden in the warm hues of the setting sun, flames danced in his eyes, and a light reddish color burned on his cheeks. Just staring at the man in front of him Karl felt his own breath hitch. Sapnap glanced down nervously, “I really enjoyed hanging out with ya today Karl, and I was wondering if you’d wanna, maybe, hangout again sometime? And! Also I got this from Puffy!” not leaving Karl a moment to speak he pushed a slightly crunched purple allium flower into Karl’s hands. 

Karl felt warmth budding on his cheeks as he stifled a glowing smile at the beautiful flower, it was his favorite kind too. “Of course I wanna hangout more! We literally had the best time ever, you know all the best places and my favorite things it’s like you’ve known me forever Sap!” Karl grinned up at Sapnap who let out a strangled, but excited giggle. Karl shook his head with a grin and pulled Sapnap in for a hug. “Karl n Sapnap forever!” Karl shrieked into Sapnap’s shoulder, trying to contain his ecstatic energy as Sapnap swayed him back and forth in the hug.

“Forever.” Sapnap agreed. 

~

“Hello?”

“Anyone there?” Karl called out as he pushed open the door to a strange and dusty library. A handsome stranger gave him a dashing grin as he stood up, pulling together the papers he was writing in. 

“Hey! Welcome to the library!” the man stuck out a hand which Karl took with a warm smile. “Have I seen you before? This is crazy but I swear you were like totally in a dream I just had!” Karl looked up at the stranger with a smile, but the man calmly shook his head, “I get that sometimes, but I don’t think so! Name’s Sapnap.” Karl promptly introduced himself as well.

"Say, do you know where I am? My head's kinda fuzzy." Karl gave the kind stranger a sheepish grin, but Sapnap seemed to grasp his question. "Follow me!" Karl was jolted forwards as Sapnap grabbed his hand, pulling him into an adjacent room with a whole wall covered in maps.

With his bearings set he agreed to help Sapnap look for a new trident in the ocean near a place called "Snowchester" it was the least he could do after Sapnap had been so kind to him, it's not every day a man with little to no memories appears in your library!

They spent the day splashing in the waves and resting on the shore. Karl was swept off his feet- twice by the waves and ultimately by Sapnap himself. The taller warrior captured Karl's heart with every blinding grin, flip of his ocean-damp hair, and kind but undeniably flirtatious words.

Come nightfall the two retreated off the coast to what Karl assumed was Snowchester. Spending the night sitting atop a spruce wood roof staring at the stars, Karl found himself more mesmerized by the shining warmth of Sapnap's eyes than any star in the sky.

Sapnap broke the silence, tilting his head to the left to meet Karl's eyes with his, "so, pretty good day huh?" Karl nodded, swallowing butterflies. "We should do this again!" Karl nodded in agreement again, mustering some confidence of his own, "we make a pretty good team huh? I could get used to you by my side." Sapnap just grinned in agreement, scooting closer to Karl, his arm slipping under Karl's head, letting him just rest in Sap's embrace.

Karl smiled at the moon, "this is definitely something I wanna get used to."

~

Waking up alone always broke Sapnap's heart. Usually there was some poor excuse or sign that Karl was whirled away from him. With a heavy heart he got used to packing up a days worth of necessities for two and heading to the library Karl had built all those months ago.

Except this time when he entered the library, he realized he wasn't alone.

"Quackity? Do you need something?" Sapnap was shocked to see a familiar face at such a secret location.

"You can't keep doing this Sapnap, it's- I don't even know- it's wrong." Quackity gestured to the library as if Sapnap didn't already know.

"I have to Q, what else would I do? Let him try to make it home to a place he's completely forgotten all alone?" Sapnap paused, taking in a shaky breath, "I'm not gonna let him forget our life together Quackity, I can't"

Quackity raised his voice, "like he doesn't forget every damn time? You're sitting here playing make believe with your fiancé! Don't you get tired? Isn't it fucking tiring having him fall in love with you over, and over again? How are you okay with this!"

Sapnap stalked towards his usual desk, collecting all the papers. "I love him Quackity, I'd do anything for him, and I trust that eventually he'll figure this time travel adventure shit out, I'm not gonna give up on our life together! How can you not see that?"

Quackity just rolled his eyes. "Bullshit. This is wrong, you're interfering with Karl's - I don't know - destiny, future, powers, whatever the hell you're calling it now. Sapnap he's gone. Don't you see every Karl you get is different? That's not your Karl anymore."

Sapnap was seeing red. "Get out. If I fucking wanted you here I'd find you. Don't you have banking business to attend to? Can't you let me have the one good thing in my life? He's Karl, he's my Karl. And that's all I need." Sapnap pointed at the door, his hand clenched around the hilt of his sword.

Quackity shook his head but headed towards the door. "You can't do this forever. Don't you think there'll be a trip where he doesn't come back? Or worse, he comes back unable to love you? Arent you just delaying the inevitable?" Sapnap sprung up from his chair, sword drawn, but Quackity quickly slipped through the doorway. "I'm leaving, I'm leaving. Plus, you don't want to miss those precious first words right? I saw your entires Sap, what's today's plan? Tame cats if I remember right?"

"Fuck you." Sapnap slammed the door, trying to collect himself. Some disgusting voice in the back of his head was reiterating Quackity's words, telling him all was lost and that he was only setting himself up for false hope. But, it only took a glance at the array of pictures scattered between entires in his own diary to see the reason he fought through every first date.

"Hello! Um, do you know where I am?"

Sapnap looked up from a messy stack of first date ideas and dream SMP memory reminders to see the beautiful man before him.

The moment they locked eyes was the moment that nagging voice in Sapnap's head subsided. Every time they locked eyes for the "first time" Sapnap remembered why he'd fight for Karl every day if he needed to. But, there wasn't time for fawning over the brunette an awkward amount.

"Yup! You're in the library! C'mon, there's a map you'll wanna see- I'm Sapnap by the way! And you are?"

"Karl Jacobs! Nice to meet you Sap! Gimme the tour you clearly know what's up! What do I need to know?"

Sapnap gave his unknowing lover a calm smile, "I gotcha! There's not much you need but here's a good map of the lands!" Sapnap took a moment of serenity to appriciate the gorgeous man in front of him before Karl spoke again.

"I actually think I got it! Anything else in this musty old place I should know?"

I wish you knew how much I miss you.

~ Fin ~

A/N: Poor Sapnap. This gives me 50 first dates vibes. Also I wanted to paint Quackity as a voice of reason/doubt because I think his canonical character is that level of serious and caring for both Karl and Sapnap and I imagine their trio may have split over Sapnap’s decision to continually woo memory-loss Karl, or they could’ve never even been a 3 way thing, it’s up to interpretation. Also, I wanted to know your thoughts! Is Sap doing the right thing? Is he really just putting himself up for more hurt later? I dunno. Hope you enjoyed! Comments n stuff in reblog tags make my day :)))

[dekalko-mania]

Things That Lurk in the Dark (Pt. 2) 

Amity changed the day the portal opened, in more ways than one.

(Read part one here)

....

Vlad had resigned himself to an evening of prep work, monotonous planning and continuous meetings with Amity officials aware of their...dilemma. What he had not expected, or rather, what he had been hoping to avoid, was an interruption in the form of a teenage brat with a flair for heroics. 

In the middle of what was surely an important conversation with the APPD chief of police (he was honestly only lending his partial attention), he found himself sighing at the crash of a piece of priceless furniture. Honestly, that boy had to work on his landings. 

“Was that your cat, Mayor Masters?” Chief Bryans raised a brow at the stomps that followed the commotion. 

Vlad huffed, internally affronted. His Maddie was much more well-mannered than that. “I’m afraid it’s a rather unwelcome visitor.”

Sure enough, his common room doors were soon slammed against the wall, revealing a fuming Phantom. Completely ignoring the other’s presence, he flew the rest of the way over to Vlad, fists trembling with barely-contained rage. 

“You.”

“Wouldn’t it have been easier to go through the door? Not forgetting your powers again, are you?”

“Shut up,” Danny snapped. “Why didn’t you tell me? This whole time I thought I was losing my shit, but I was right!” 

“I’m sorry, I thought you said Phantom declined to help?” Chief Bryans cut in through the middle of their stand off, eyes flickering between the two of them. 

“You said what!” 

Vlad scowled, eyes flashing over to the policeman. What a nuisance, he had completely forgotten he was still there. With only a subtle narrowing of the eyes, he summoned a duplicate to appear behind him, commanding the other to overshadow the man’s body and place him in a trance. 

Once finished, he focused his attention back on his rival, words laced with irritation. “This is bigger than you, Daniel. Had you known, you would’ve gone in there yourself like the fool you are.”

Choosing to not say anything about his distaste of overshadowing for now, Danny scoffed. “So, what? You planned to send in innocent people when you knew the one most qualified to handle this situation was me?” 

“Oh please, don’t flatter yourself so much.” Vlad stood, reaching over to a worryingly packed folder and shoving it into Danny’s arms. “Look at this, dozens of victims and you really think you couldn’t have been one of them? What would Maddie think, hm? Finding her son among the list?” 

“Stop it, I know what you’re doing and I’m not buying it!” Danny dropped the folder back onto the table, already knowing its contents by heart, blaming himself for having not done anything sooner. “You manipulate people, it’s what you do. You act like you care, when all you want is credit for solving the problem without me."

Vlad scoffed, "I understand there's been a history of pranks among us, Daniel, and maybe that gave you the impression that I'm one for playground antics." He pointed over to Chief Bryan. "But something they don't know, something your own parents don't know, is that Phantom is not as free of fault as he thinks he is."

"What?" Danny's eyes flashed. "You're saying I'm involved somehow?"

"Oh no," Vlad grinned, sitting back down, an air of arrogance mixing with his anger. "I'm saying you're the cause of it. Your ectosignature reeks throughout the reserve. Whatever is inside, it's calling for you. But shame on me for wanting to keep you from entering an obvious trap."

“But I didn’t...” Danny paused, running a shaking hand through his hair. “I didn’t do anything. And none of my enemies has this much power, unless-”

“Unless it’s someone new,” Vlad interrupted. “That’s what I believe as well. And you’re mistaken to think you haven’t done anything. Think about it, when did this all begin, hm? What prompted such a drastic change to the city?” 

Danny took a moment to wonder, going over the strange occurrences he had seen, when they first began. What could possibly have caused such a radical shift?  When was the first time he doubted himself and his perception of reality? It was probably around his freshmen year when he noticed it, the sky having momentarily seemed to glitch one day on his way home. It could only have been for half a second, happening around the time when he had still not gotten fully accustomed to his powers. He had been gazing out the school bus window by coincidence, right around the time when...

“The portal.” He realized, breath catching in his throat. “It was the portal.” 

“Exactly,” Vlad grinned. “I mean, what did you think? That ripping a hole into another dimension wouldn’t have its consequences?” 

“I didn’t exactly think about that, it was an accident.” It was true. Danny never planned to open the portal himself, not at that moment. He had only wanted to explore it, to see if maybe he could point his parents in the right direction. He never thought that an experiment in his basement would cause so much grief. 

“Of course you didn’t think, you’re a child. And children shouldn’t be involved in things they know nothing about.” Vlad’s tone was nothing short of condescending. “If it were up to me, I wouldn’t let your nosey little self anywhere near the reserve. 

You had no idea what you were doing back in college either, Danny wanted to snap back. Instead, he took his victory for what it was, knowing it was over from the minute he discovered the truth. 

“Which means you know you have no choice but to let me go.”

“Unfortunately,” Vlad sighed, summoning his clone back, and waiting as Chief Bryans blinked himself back into awareness. 

The officer glanced around the room, eyes falling onto Danny’s much more relaxed form. “I’m sorry, I think I zoned out for a bit. What were we talking about?”

“It seems there was a misunderstanding,” Vlad drawled. “Phantom’s hero complex is as strong as ever. He’ll be joining our raid tonight.”

....

To say that his parents were not pleased to see him was an understatement. He had arrived with Vlad and Chief Bryans, having taken the rest of the day to catch up on the plan. According to the chief, they had decided to first send his parents and smaller ghost hunters into the area, accompanied by a squad of officers armed with ectoweapons. 

There was a rough map of the reserve, littered with marks detailing emergency evacuations and possible things that may go wrong. From what Danny could gather, it had been a shoot first and ask questions later approach, his least favorite tactic. Vlad himself seemed opposed to it as well, knowing from his past conniving ways that matters were made better in one’s favor with patience. 

It took a bit of convincing, but Danny had managed to alter it so that he made the first attempt. If he went in and failed to resolve the problem, he would begrudgingly step back and allow them to take over. It had added pressure, but made him all the more determined to end the issue once and for all. 

What he had not counted on was the opposition of anyone outside Chief Bryans, a dumb assumption now that he thought back on it. As he sat still, letting an officer fit him with a set of Fenton phones and various gadgets, he couldn’t help but to notice the scathing glares being sent his way by his mom. 

Out of both Fentons, she was the most angered by his presence, refusing to place the set on him herself. “Unless it’s to study it, I’m not getting closer than I have to be.” 

He had to convince himself that he was used to it, ignoring the sting he’d felt at her words. 

Officer Perkins stepped back, nodding when he saw the gear was a good fit. “Alright, we weren’t counting on someone going in alone, so we’re going to need you to narrate what you see when you’re inside. That alright?” 

Danny nodded, taking the opportunity to avoid his parents’ gaze. Perkins was a much more comforting presence to him, resembling how he imagined Tucker would look like when older, minus the sometimes cocky attitude. 

“Are the, um, the families going to arrive? To listen in.” 

“The families of the victims you mean?” At Danny’s nod, Perkins frowned. “I guess they didn’t tell you, no one remembers that they’re missing.They did, at first, that’s how we got the news. But once they’ve alerted us it’s like they forget.”

“But wouldn’t they notice if they never came home?” Danny frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense. There had to have been an Amber Alert or something to remind them.” 

Danny recalled that some of the victims were kids. Surely their parents would’ve noticed their disappearance, or at least been reminded of it when the officers went to update them. 

“We’ve tried sending them out, hell, we’ve even tried to put up signs and post it on social media. Somehow the texts never send, or the flyers disappear. Shit’s weird.” He sighed. “They think their kid is at a sleepover, or that their wife is out visiting her mom. For some reason they forget, but we remember.” 

Danny bit his lip, stewing over what Vlad had said earlier in the day. 

“What would Maddie think, hm? Finding her son among the list?”

If he went in and never came out, would his family forget his disappearance too? Would Sam, Tucker, and Valerie not even realize that he was gone? 

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that if I were you,” Maddie cut in, momentarily catching him off guard. “I’m sure there’s no one out here that would’ve noticed you gone anyway.” 

Danny’s expression must’ve showed how painful the statement was to hear, because Officer Perkins immediately rounded on the couple. 

“Is this how you talk to someone who’s trying to help?” 

“Excuse me? Help?” Maddie frowned. “Ghosts don’t help because they care about people, it’s self-interest. He definitely has an ulterior motive.” 

Before Perkins could intervene any further, Danny smirked, shoving aside his feelings for an undeterred facade. 

“Don’t bother with them, they’re in their own world.” He met his parent’s gaze head on. “Probably wouldn’t even notice if their own kids disappeared in there.” 

He knew he went too far when both Fentons had their guns pointed at him, so quick that Officer Perkins stepped back in shock. Still, he refused to budge, knowing that anything they said would hurt him more than a few shots. Somehow, that angered them even further, his dad’s glare intensifying as he stared him down. 

“Listen, spook, you don’t know us as parents. So either you shut up or I’ll-”

“Geez, getting a little defensive aren’t you.” Danny released a humorless laugh. “Guess I hit a nerve.”

He leaned forward, placing his head mere inches away from their weapons. 

“Tell me, did you even bother checking if they were home before coming?”

He could see the moment it dawned them that they hadn’t, his mom’s gun dropping by an inch. A sense of guilty satisfaction filled him, knowing that despite them being the threat in the situation, he had the upper hand. He would regret it later, he knew it, but somewhere along the way of becoming Phantom, it grew more difficult for him to compartmentalize his interactions with his parents. 

Hard to be a good son when one second he was being held in a containment device, and the next found himself pressed tight against his mother’s side. 

The tension was cut through with a loud sigh, Vlad and Chief Bryans suddenly standing at the entrance of their tent. “Officer Perkins, I left you here to control the situation, not stand there gawking.” 

Embarrassment marring his features, Perkins placed himself in between the two parties. “Chief Bryans is right, we can settle this later. The truth of the matter is, Phantom’s here to help, same as you. So let’s focus on the raid for now, I’m sure your children are fine. You can call them if that’ll help.” 

Danny saw the uncertainty in his parents’ eyes, worrying for a second that they would do exactly that, before seeing determination settle in his dad's gaze.

“No, it’s fine. It’s too late for them to be out anyway.” He grunted. 

Danny scoffed, knowing they just didn’t want him to think he’s correct. Figures they would put their pride first. Without anything more to say, he stood, floating over to the two men. 

“If that’s settled, are we ready to go?"

Vlad grinned, doing very little to hide his amusement with Danny's predicament. "We've finished the final preparations, yes. All we need is your approval and we’ll get into position.” 

Danny nodded, looking over to the Fentons. “You ready?”

His parents’ scowls eased into quiet discontent, guns placed back into their holsters. 

“Well then,” Vlad said, holding open the tent flap. “Lead the way.” 

....

Danny had only gotten about a five minute walk into the reserve when he noticed the increase in supernatural activity. While Amity had bore many hints of it, the incidents were ones that left him second guessing himself, occurring so abruptly that they could be attributed to an overactive imagination. In there, following along the path of the main river, he struggled to find anything that wasn't out of place.

The first thing he'd noticed was the faint green glow surrounding the place, catching it even in the bits of sky he saw beyond the tree branches. It was as if someone had placed a filter over the entire area, having it resemble a darker version of Skulker's lair.

To his left and across the river, he swore he could see the occasional silhouette, figures peering at him from a safe distance. He wasn't yet sure if they were afraid or curious, but he hadn't gotten close enough to find out. Whoever they were, they weren't the missing people he was searching for. Even without the handheld radar he'd been given, his ghost sense was strong enough to tell that they were supernatural.

“Do you see anything?” Chief Bryan’s voice asked over the Fenton Phones. 

Danny imagined them as they were when he’d left, squads assembled on the outskirts of the forest, while the main group of leaders were hunched over a desk of equipment in their tent. They were unable to get footage, but the verbal descriptions and data sent back from his gear was enough to maintain their attention. 

He perused his environment, eyeing the various blob ghosts and unnatural bugs floating in his vicinity. “Nothing new, same as before. You?”

“Our readings are the same,” his dad’s voice responded. “Higher ectoplasmic levels than usual, but not too alarming. Can you describe the area again?” 

Danny sighed, raising a finger and providing a perch for a small blob. “Other than my little ghost friend here, it’s mostly the same. There’s more trees, I guess. They’ve got these weird jags on their surface, like someone ran their nails down them. “ He shivered at the thought, looking over to the river. “The water here’s frozen over, but the temperature inside is low so it makes sense. And along the side there’s...”

Danny froze, sentence left unfinished.

“Phantom?”

He placed the small ghost on a nearby log, slowly approaching the river edge. “There’s a crack in the ice. I think it’s coming towards me.”

Sure enough, the jagged line ended directly in front of him. He debated whether he should step back, but decided not to move when he saw the fractures branching off into multiple ones. The quiet was replaced with sharp noises and the thumping of something in the water. Danny leaned down, fists raising in case he needed to blast an attacker. 

The glow from his fists provided just enough light to see the appearance of a webbed hand pressing against the ice. Slowly, he moved closer, flinching when he saw a face just behind it. As if pleased that they’d been noticed, the creature pushed themselves into an area they’d be more visible, rapping their knuckles lightly on the film above them. 

“There’s a girl here,” he realized. “She wants me to get her out.”

“Is it one of the victims?” Maddie asked.

“No, she looks like some kind of mermaid.” Danny placed his hand on the shadow of hers, noting a trail of bubbles escaping her lips as she giggled.

“Leave it then. We need to find the victims, get out of there.”

Ignoring her, Danny put his other hand onto the surface as well, summoning the powers from his cold core so that he could spread the fissures further. When he felt it was enough, he pushed down gently against the ice, breaking it apart so that there was a large open space available. 

Slowly, a head of midnight blue hair broke through the surface, cyan face peering at him from beneath soaked bangs. She opened her mouth, once, twice, seemingly unable to utter a word, and then gave up in favor of reaching out to poke his face. 

Danny remained still, confused as the girl gaped at him in awe. Once she seemed to regain her bearings, he felt her grab each of his arms, mischievous smile being his only warning before he was yanked into the river. 

He struggled, shutting his mouth tightly on instinct as he was surrounded by what to anyone else would be dangerously cold levels of freezing water. Despite his attempts at breaking free, the girl’s grip was strong, and something about her kept him from going intangible. Try as he might, this was her territory, and he was weak to do anything but be dragged further down. 

Be still. Trust.

Knowing he had no choice, he let himself go limp, thankful that his ghost form didn’t need to breathe. By now, he could feel the pressure that the deep water bore onto him, shoulders feeling heavy as he was forced further down. He knew it was just uncomfortable, that he would be fine, but the dark water underneath him killed any enthusiasm to go deeper.

Too much, He thought. I’m gonna be crushed.

As abruptly as he was pulled in, he felt himself skidding to a halt, a wave of apology sent in his direction. 

Forgive. Mistake. Wait here. 

Releasing her grip, the girl gave Danny one final meaningful squeeze on the shoulder. Deciding he wouldn’t leave, she swam down past where the glow from the forest above could illuminate, disappearing completely out of sight. 

As he floated there, left completely to his own devices, Danny scoped his surroundings, thinking it strange how a river could bare such a resemblance to the bottom of the sea. From just beyond him, he could see jagged rocks lining its sides, some looking as if they had engravings made along their surface. Had he not been told to stay where he was, he would’ve loved to trace his hands along them. 

What caught his attention the most though, now that he’d gained his bearings enough to notice it, were the glowing dots interspersed throughout the water. If he was on dry land, he would’ve thought they were fireflies, an abnormal amount for the season. He was so entranced, it took him a second to notice that the girl was swimming her way back up, accompanied by an older woman. 

Taking in her appearance, he saw that she was much older and wore a long gown that went past the length of her legs. On her head, she had a dainty crown, circular and bearing engravings similar to those on the walls. With an expression matching the awed one the girl had worn previously, she placed her hands on either side of his face and smiled. 

Halfa. He said you would come. 

Someone expected me?

So it was true, there was a ghost within the reserve that wanted him there. 

Yes. You will see soon. The woman reached over to the girl, pulling her forward. My daughter, I told her to wait. You arrived. She brought you to me.

Hands practically shaking with anticipation, the girl pulled a tiny stone box from within her robes and handed it to Danny. Sensing that the gesture had importance, he took it from her politely, sending a thank you in her direction. Their demeanors remained encouraging, inviting him to look inside. 

When he did, he saw that there was a ring made of black obsidian to match the woman’s crown. On it was carved an image detailing symbols that resembled the shape of water and a moon. Though it wasn’t flashy as ghostly artifacts tended to be, he could feel power pulsating from within it, fingers tingling where it touched him.

For you. Our king. Our people. With you. 

Unsure what to say, Danny sent them another thank you, promising to take care of it. The choice of words struck him as odd, but he figured that it was similar to how Frostbite called him Great One. It didn’t mean anything, it was simply a show of gratitude. For what, he wasn’t sure. 

My daughter, can accompany you to surface. 

Suddenly remembering what he had followed her for in the first place, Danny shook his head. The reserve was huge, and it would take him much longer to find the lost citizens. If anyone knew where everything was, it would be those who inhabited it. 

Actually, have you seen other humans come in here recently? They never came back out.

The woman and girl exchanged a meaningful look. 

They sleep. On surface, I take. 

Squeezing her daughter’s shoulder, the queen bowed at Danny and made her leave. He sent her one of his own, surprised when he turned to see the girl already waiting ahead of him. 

Sensing his shock, she smirked. 

Catch up, King. 

With all the speed he could muster underwater, Danny swam, just barely maintaining his speed beside her. As they swam, he took note of his environment, in case anything of value appeared for him to report. Thankfully, the Fenton Phones were waterproof, but they were still too low for the signal to reach. 

He wasn’t looking forward to the ear full he would get when it returned.

My name, Kara. 

Danny felt shame rising within him at realizing that he hadn’t even thought to ask the girl her name before. Grinning sheepishly, he let her know he liked to be called Danny. 

Danny? Strange for King. King Phantom, okay?

Figuring it wouldn’t make a difference, he shrugged, again feeling put off by the royal title. Before he could ask, Kara took a sudden sharp turn upward, heading towards a patch of light in the distance. His legs would be burning after this, that he knew. 

Once he broke through, just a few seconds behind, Danny blanked. “What is this?”

Ahead of him stood a giant structure resembling a Greek temple, though it was black instead of white. Along its steps were stoic skeletal guards, donning armored uniforms and staring straight at them with glowing red eyes. The white light that they’d followed came from the gardens leading up to the structure, vanishing when it got too close, as if swallowed by the building. 

People inside. He waits. 

As if sensing that her explanation was not comforting enough, Kara bumped gently against his shoulder. 

They live. Avoid attack. Go in. 

Releasing a heavy sigh, Danny pulled himself out from the water, eyeing the temple one more time, before turning to give his goodbye. 

“Thank you, really. And for the gift too.”

Bowing her head, Kara smiled. Nothing to thank. Meet again. 

Seeing her vanish below the surface, Danny steeled himself, floating closer as he pressed a hand to the phones. “Hello, anybody hear me?”

When he was met with static, he decided communication could wait. He had made it clear that no move would be made until he had made his attempt. And besides, something told him that this was a part of the journey he had to take alone. 

Making sure that he wouldn’t be affected by deadly plants, he kept his distance from either side of him, staying directly in the middle of the path. Strangely, most of the vegetation consisted of large pomegranate trees, an unnaturally red kind that seemed to pulsate in temptation. 

From past experience with Undergrowth, he’d learned to remain cautious, and kept that attitude as he approached the steps. Out of all the reactions he’d expected from the guards, having them kneel before him in unison was not one of them. 

“Um, you really don’t have to do that,” He tried. “A ‘come inside’ would’ve been enough.”

Realizing it wouldn’t make any difference, he decided to float by, wary for any signs of malice. They didn’t move an inch, seeming to view him with some level of respect. The whole situation was weird, nothing going the way he prepared for. It wasn’t a level of welcome he was accustomed to with the supernatural, making him all the more apprehensive for who exactly was waiting for him.

His worry rose as he arrived at the entrance, both guards on either side opening the set of giant wooden doors for him, before taking the same position as their comrades. 

“What’s going on...” 

He had only a moment to calm his racing heart, doors crashing shut behind him. The room was easily shrouded in darkness, torches along the walls providing very little visibility with their misty green appearance. He couldn’t stop the shiver racing up his spine as the shadows melded into nearly physical shapes, unable to focus on any one image with the amount of anxiety that replaced his determination.

The point of no return, he thought. This is what this feels like.

His fear escalated as he quickly realized that his powers were not cooperating, light refusing to appear on the palms of his hands. Even his glow was dampened, nothing appearing to relieve him of the absolute darkness. 

With nothing to help him, he couldn’t stop his breaths from coming in rapidly, his Phantom form doing little to quell his rising panic. This was a mistake, coming to this place while aware that many couldn’t escape, it was wrong. 

“Shit,” he whispered, trembling fingers yanking at his hair. The pain only barely kept him cognizant, all other thoughts melding into mush. “C-calm down. You’ve faced worse. Calm down, calm down...”

 “My presence tends to make humans uneasy. Though, I would expect a future king to display his fear more honorably.”

Danny’s head shot up, latching onto the voice for something to focus on. Vision still not its best, he could only make out the silhouette of a bare throne, large and gnarled in design. Everything else was a washed out black, glints of stone shining at odd intervals. 

“Good, it seems purpose grounds you. Come forward.” 

Clenching his hands, Danny approached the misshapen figure ahead of him, stopping just before it. Most beings he knew were protective of their possessions, to a deadly point. He was not keen on testing whichever presence was in the room.

“Sit.”

He followed the voice’s command, holding back a groan at the sheer intensity of pressure crushing his core. Here, the dread was at its highest point, despair absolutely consuming him, darkness seeming to seep into him from his very pores. He closed his eyes, knowing that the dimness of his eyelids would be nothing in comparison to what surrounded him. 

He was met with a sight he had not anticipated, confusion flooding him when he found himself inside the unopened portal in his lab. Ahead were him, Tucker and Sam, frozen as they stared off inside the gaping void. Inspecting the other version of himself, he saw familiar black gloves over a white jumpsuit. 

“I’m...back in time?”

“Not quite.” The deep voice echoed, detached from any particular location. “We are in a memory. Events from the day we met have been suppressed in your mind.” 

“So you want me to, recreate it?”

The sound of cracking of bones and crackling electricity played in Danny’s ear, a reminder of just how painful dying could be. He remembered the soreness in his throat that lingered for days after, made due to the force of his screams. From there, that was all he remembered, skipping forward to when he woke up in his friends’ arms. 

“As I said, it’s only a memory. Yours is tainted, so I decided to show you through mine. Now, close your eyes and listen. I will tell you when to open them.”

Understanding dawning on him, Danny did just that, grateful that the man was not so cruel as to force him to watch his own body seizing in midair. The feeling had been awful enough, but to see it front row would have been even worse.

“I’ve always wanted to go in here.” His own voice said, continuing off where the scene began. “Who knows what awesome, super cool things are on the other side of that portal?” 

The quiet padding of feet got closer, every sound amplified within the tunnel, before getting cut off by a scuffle and a yelp. There was a click and a whirring began building, increasing and soon joined by an excruciating scream. It was the same one he heard when doing his signature wail, haunting him even after he’d survived. 

Even through shut lids, he could see the green blaze, stopping only when the howl was replaced with the sound of running water and the shriek of crows. He felt a nudge on his side, a signal that he could look. 

The area confirmed that the man was telling the truth, a sense of familiarity greeting him when he saw his slightly younger self standing beside an elder and a small, beat up boat.  He could only tell he was older because of his hunch and wrinkled hands clutching onto a paddle. The rest of him was covered by a black cloak. From the looks of it, he was engaged in a heated discussion with past Danny. 

“I feel...empty.” Danny stared at the figure with a forlorn expression, as if desperately hoping he could fix the torn up, hollow sensation in his chest.

“Of course you feel empty!” He waved in Danny’s direction, distaste tinging his voice. “My purpose is to lead the dead across this river, and your soul has not even properly moved on!” 

“I don’t...” He clutched tighter onto his suit, still fuming from the accident.

“Is that Death?” Danny could not help but ask. 

An amused chuckle negated his question. “No, Death was only with you at the moment of your passing. This is Charon, she brought you to him.”

“Look child, I don’t have time for explanations. I have other actually dead souls to cross.” He reached out a hand, motion more gentle than his gruff tone. “Get in, I’ll take you to the boss.” 

Danny slid his hand into Charon’s, scene switching the moment he made contact. 

They were standing in a throne room, this one putting the one back in Amity to shame. It resembled a darker version of Olympus, akin to the old paintings depicting it that he’d seen in class. The skeletal guards were inside this one as well, hidden along the walls in the spaces between gigantic corinthian columns. 

At the very end sat a huge man, face obscured by darkness and black robes shifting as if trapping lost souls. Beneath his throne stood Danny, arms wrapped tight around his midsection, while Charon finished explaining the situation next to him. 

Once done, the large man finally spoke. “You were right to bring him. He does not belong here.” 

“Wait, is that you? Does that mean you’re-”

“You humans have decided to call me Hades, yes, ruler of the underworld and what not. We have met before, once, in this memory. You do not recall it, but I remember very well.” His aura communicated amusement to Danny. “How could I ever forget, a child challenging me to a fight for his life. You were lucky that half your soul was still anchored to the earth.”

“Still, I have yet to decide how to handle this situation,” Hades commented. “This is the second time this has occurred. We can’t keep sending them back.”

As if waking from a dream, Danny’s eyes suddenly filled with anger, shoulders straightening despite still being obviously disoriented. “Obviously you let me go back to Amity. You said it yourself, and I can feel it. I’m not whole, I’m stuck there!”

“And who do you think you are? Telling me what to do?” A gust of wind shoved Danny to the floor. “I should dump you in Tartarus for daring to challenge me.”

“Challenge you?” Danny forced himself back up, glare stubbornly fixed on his face. “If you want a real challenge, then I’ll-I’ll fight you!”

Danny cringed, feeling worse than when his mom sent Sam home with a mug of himself as a baby. “I really said that?”

“Yes you were quite upset at me. Reckless thing you were, but I let you return. According to the rules governing the dead, you still had half a life to live.”

In their moments of brief conversation, several events had transpired, mainly Danny’s appeal as to why he would not allow himself to die. In the end, Hades deemed it a situation too bothersome to dwell on, deciding that the child technically did not meet the criteria to be there.

“I will send you home.” Sensing Danny’s relief, he held up a hand. “But I warn you, you will be considered a halfa, an abomination to both mankind and the spirits of the dead. Abominations do not typically have happy endings.”

“What do you mean a halfa? Is something going to happen to me?” 

“Not now, but just know that when you truly pass, you will never be able to come back. Either you stay and pass on as half a soul, or you become one again, and be doomed to forever wandering the earth alone.” 

Their setting reverted back to Danny’s basement, the moment where he was first reborn as Phantom.

“As you can see, your choice was obvious.”

If Danny had a physical form to view this in, he would have been shaking. He’d been living his life completely unaware of his fate, worrying over the ghosts, the pressure, his home and school life without knowing that the torment would continue even after he passed. 

“So this is why you brought me here?” His voice wavered. “To remind me that I’ll never find any peace?”

“Actually, I had planned to keep that fact hidden until your day arrived. I’m not as cruel as my brothers or you humans seem to believe.” His voice lowered, edging on a whisper. “There was a turn of events I had not foreseen. A change of fate perhaps only Clockwork knew of.”

Their vision began clouding with bursts of color, a tugging sensation dragging Danny’s consciousness through time and space.  It was like space mountain, the ride he had forced himself to go on in his childhood, only it came to a much more sudden halt. 

Clad in his father’s energy draining invention, Danny pressed against the Sarcophagus of Forever Sleep. He feared he wouldn’t last, that the fight would have been in vain, were in not for a hand appearing and suddenly locking the coffin closed. When he knew it was safe enough to drop his guard, he turned to see all his enemies standing behind him in solidarity. 

They had stopped Pariah Dark’s vicious reign for good. 

“Although the other ghosts allied with you, you were the one that ultimately defeated Pariah Dark. You had secured your spot as next in line to be King of Ghosts. The realm between the living and the afterlife has experienced chaos for far too long, and it has finally come to an end with you.”

“Wait,” Danny balked. “So Kara and the queen...they were being serious when they called me that? But I’m just a kid! I wasn’t even given a choice!”

“You have a choice, don’t be haste. As for being a child, well...”

Scenes of Danny’s many fights played in a quick sequence, from his very early fumbles with the lunch lady, to his most recent and much cleaner fights with Freakshow and Undergrowth. He played through sleepless nights, and days where he felt like giving up, trapped in lockers by bullies, or looked at in disappointment by his parents.  

It was disconcerting to know his life was under constant watch.

“I would say you’ve dealt with what’s been thrown your way pretty well for your age. The underwater kingdom has already pledged their allegiance to you, have even begun calling you king when you are still but a prince. Countless others wait to do the same.” 

“You said I can choose not to be one though.” Danny returned to his previous concern. “What happens then?”

“To your life, nothing really. You live your days the same as you were,” Hades responded. “But know that as a prince you are granted a luxury you had not had before. You may choose your court. If they agree, they can spend their afterlife with you ruling the zone.”

“I won’t be stuck here alone?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“If those you decide on agree, then indeed. They will be granted a place in your keep. I must say, being King of Ghosts is a much more fulfilling endeavor than wandering on your own.” 

Danny bit his lip, eyeing the scenes still going on around him. “Do I have to decide this now?”

“What a convenient question, it brings us to our next topic of importance.”

Amity Park, in its days of small town glory, grew around them. To their left was a farmers market, people dressed in attire from the 80s flitting in between each stand. Behind a stall of oranges was a couple kissing, leaning against a black motorcycle. 

“I want be your girl forever, you know that Johnny?” A whisper spilled between kisses. 

“Only if I can be your guy,” the boy smiled, cupping his partner’s face. “Until the end of time.”

“Is that...” Danny choked. “I didn’t know they weren’t that old. They would’ve been my teacher’s age.”

“This is the same day they passed, a motorcycle accident. You would think they would’ve been limited to one place, or completely trapped in the zone, but your home is strange.” A breeze blew across the image. “Watch.”

“Ember said this is the last chance we have to come here, grab one thing and let’s go!”

“Wait, I think I see my old guitar up there, lemme just-” Johnny’s ghostly form flew up towards a shelf, grasping onto a leather case. “I missed this thing.”

“Johnny!” Kitty tapped her foot impatiently, glancing nervously over at a whirlpool of green in the corner of the dusty attic. 

“Alright, alright” He dusted himself off. “I’m comin’.”

Back in his own body, Danny gasped, sensation of being dumped in cold water shocking him awake. He was back in the reserve, sitting atop a throne in an eerie chamber. He didn’t know what to make of the final vision, except for confusion at the fact that natural portals existed in Amity long before the Fentons had interfered. 

“So Amity hasn’t been normal this entire time?”

“As much as hundreds of years. The supernatural has been attracted to this area, and it has grown over the ages. It’s been a gradual process, with the boundary separating the zone and Amity growing smaller.” A pause. “But ever since that portal was built, it’s been sped up. There’s only a handful of years left until it spills over completely.” 

“So this really is my fault?” Again, Vlad’s words blared mockingly in his head.

“The opposite really. Had the portal been opened without anything to stabilize it, reality would have collapsed in on itself. As it is, it had a host.” A chuckle. “You were quite the conductor.”

Danny couldn’t help the nervous laugh that escaped him at the odd interjection of a dark joke. He had to hand it to the man, he knew how to meet Danny’s humor halfway.

“To answer your final question,” He continued. “You have until the Ghost Zone melds with Amity to decide whether you shall be king. If you decide you are not the one, the crown will choose the next candidate. The King of Ghosts shall work closely with me to ensure a smooth transition of dimensions. Choose wisely, prince.” 

Without a further explanation, the lights in the hallway flashed, building melting around him to reveal what the reserve must have looked like prior to Hades’ arrival. The greenery that had once been there was back to being regular oak trees, with the occasional large shrub. In the distance, he could see shapes interspersed beneath a wooden canopy, moving slowly to sit up. 

As he approached, Danny realized that they were the people who had gotten lost in the reserve, looking unharmed and rather sleepy. The nearest to him gasped when she saw him standing on the very edge of their group. 

“Phantom?” She wiped at a red stain on the corner of her lip, shoving another young boy next to her. “Ross, get up, it’s Phantom!” 

Danny knelt down, bracing a hand on the boy’s back so that he could straighten himself out. “Hey, are you alright? Do you remember anything?”

Apparently in too much awe to speak, Ross simply stared at him, muttering a quiet “cool” under his breath. Taking the lead, the girl rolled her eyes and answered instead. 

“Sorry about that, he’s a huge superhero fan. My name is Jenny by the way.” She waved at herself and then Ross. “Me and my friend snuck out here last night ‘cause we heard this place was haunted. It was pretty spooky, but all I really remember was grabbing a pomegranate from a nearby tree and knocking out.” 

“Why’re you here? I mean, not like it’s a bad thing!” Ross said, panicked. “It’s just, is this like part of your lair or something?”

“Stupid, lairs are in the ghost zone,” Jenny cut in.

Unsure how to best phrase it, Danny pointed over to the other people, some of which were eyeing him warily. Raising his voice, he decided to be blunt. “I’m here because you’ve been trapped here for days. There’s a whole rescue team waiting outside for you.”

“Days?” A middle aged woman in the crowd screamed. “But I don’t even remember knocking out!”

“I do,” answered a young man. “I would wake up every once in a while, but I wouldn’t be able to touch anything. It’s like I was stuck in between something.”

Leaving them to talk among themselves for a moment, Danny reached up and tapped at the Fenton Phones. “Hello? Can anybody hear me?”

A quiet sizzle of static filled his ears, before switching to the looming voice of Officer Bryans. “Phantom, what’s going on? We were just about to go in.”

“No need,” Danny replied, eyes flickering over to the group in relief. “They’re safe, we’ll be right out.”

...

The next day, Danny sat at the table pretending that the run down his parents gave him was new information. It was all stuff he knew, from Phantom showing up at the raid unprompted to how he’d come out with the group of missing persons fifteen minutes later. It had felt much longer to him, but he supposed that time ran differently when around Hades’ influence. 

At his father’s insistence that the ghost was not to be trusted, Jazz sent him a worried look. Shrugging it off, he let his father rant, knowing that his explanation of the events had sounded sketchy to both his parents.

“He said that some spook got lost and mistook the Amity Reserve as his domain,” Jack huffed, stabbing at his pile of pancakes. “I can’t believe the other officers fell for it. This whole town is going nuts over that ghost!”

“I know, honey” Maddie rubbed his back comfortingly. “But he did manage to get those people out safe so at least he did something useful. Anyway, I’m sorry we couldn’t tell you sooner kids.”

“It’s alright,” Danny smiled, glancing over at Jazz so that she knew he was really okay. “I get it, top secret. We’ve kept our fair share too.”

“Still, I like there to be trust between us,” there was a momentary furrow between her brow, quickly exchanged for a more cheerful expression. “But forget about that for now, how have you two been? I know we’ve been pretty distant.”

“I got into the summer internship I applied for!” Jazz supplied.

As he listened to his sister go into detail about her future endeavors in psychology, Danny thought back to how starkly different the previous night had been. He’d expected a battle with fists, but was met with the offer of a new path he could take altogether. 

He was aware that he was the best person to deal with the chaos Amity would face during the merge. He knew the town like he knew the constellations in the sky, and with the help of his friend’s and family, he had managed to keep it out of harm’s way. Whether he was alone or not, he knew he would keep doing so as a ghost when he passed.

He leaned back, a painful tension welling in his chest as he considered a future in eternal isolation. He imagined fighting ghosts, only to return to an empty lair, and then stopped as he entertained the other option. 

Danny thought of settling truces, rather than fighting. Of being in a palace surrounded by those closest to him that had decided their fate was also tied to guiding the spirits of the dead. He could picture Jazz walking struggling ghosts through their pain and helping them move on, or Sam and Tucker trekking with him to undiscovered dimensions. 

As he inspected his parents’ enthusiastic responses, he could even hope that one day they would use their passion for the sciences to help unite ghosts and humans, rather than divide him. 

He closed his eyes, thinking back to the visitor that decided to appear in his dream last night. A sense of calm washed over him, knowing that although he was stripped of one option, he was left with many others. 

Maybe he couldn’t be an astronaut, but being King of Ghosts didn’t sound too bad either.

....

He dreamt of a farewell feast in a dark temple, ripe fruits and fresh meats placed before him on a rounded table. By his side was a broad, bearded man, extending a platter of cheeses to him with a grin. He reminded him of Clockwork, only with a much stranger mix of strictness and sly character.

“Are you still afraid of what lurks in the dark, my prince?”

“It reminds me of dying,” Danny answered, passing it along to a woman sitting on his other side. “That was what it was like, right?”

“What you experienced was only a small fraction of it. Had Charon taken you to your true destination, you would have seen. It could’ve been to see your God, or to be reborn. Maybe it would have been to an eternal nothing. Who's to say?”

“I’m guessing you know then?”

“Yes.”

“And you won’t tell me?” 

“You will see one day. Why spoil the surprise? Just remember, whatever they are, your beliefs hold value. Death is a personal experience, I would know.” He winked, raising a goblet up to the other occupants. “Now, let’s celebrate to a peaceful reign.” 

[stellocchia]

Okay, time for another overly long analysis of our favourite green blob with a god complex and traumatized teen!

I will be discussing both the “Trapped in prison with Dream” stream and the “Am I dead?” stream as I think they should be analyzed together, so espect spoilers for those. It also goes without saying that, from here on out, unless stated otherwise, I’ll be talking about the characters and the roleplay only!

So here we go! More under the cut and be advised that this will be a long one!

First of all it’s essential to keep in mind that Dream’s view of his relationship with Tommy is extremely different from Tommy’s. I will be going more into details as the analysis proceeds, but it’s very clear by now that Dream is under the delusion that Tommy’s attachment to him is as strong as his for Tommy. 

We have multiple examples of this, but the strongest one (until the revival stream at least) was back in the season 2 finale when he kept believing that Tommy wouldn’t kill him as he wouldn’t kill Tommy. We also have instances like him saying “exile wasn’t that bad, you had me” and his insistence on them having “so much fun together” that all point to the conclusion of Dream believing their game is played on both side.

Tommy, on the other hand, made it abundantly clear that he despises Dream entirely. He recognizes that Dream actively makes him a worse person when they’re together and he recognizes that he abused and manipulated him along with many others. Tommy doesn’t reciprocate Dream’s obsession in the slightest and actually seems extremely taken aback any time the green man proposes the idea of them being a theme. 

On that last point it’s interesting to notice that the actual idea of them working together (Tommy and Dream vs the world style) is actually something new that Dream introduced with his stay in prison. Proposing they could “escape tigether” when they first ended up stuck there and even more in the two latest streams... Dream’s interpretation of their relationship seems to have shifted from “fated nemesis who have fun together” to “friends”. No, this is not a positive shift, and I’m not framing it as one. Dream’s idea of friendship is as twisted as can be and Tommy has zero say in the matter. 

Now that the introduction is done, let’s get to the actual analysis!

Trapped in prison with Dream

So the stream starts with Tommy trying his best to annoy the Hell out of Dream. Then PussBoy is introduced... 

One thing to point out is that Tommy seems to fear silence and lonliness over everything (as we’ll see proof of later on), so it’s honestly no surprise that he would not be able to bear the silence for too long. 

“The cat is the best thing that’s happened to us” Dream is already sort of shifting from the “me” talk to the “us” talk, which is rather interesting. That also mirrors his “You being stuck here is the best thing that’s happened to me since I got to prison” statement.

Then there is the interaction with Sam where he decided to leave Tommy in there longer in order to solve the issue. We also get a very rare instance of Tommy showing a lot of his vulnerability, talking about exile (though it’s clear he doesn’t know Sam knows as much as he does about exile), which promptly gets ignored in favour of Sam continuing to work on the security issue.

A few seconds after Sam left Dream already burns the new clock. The reason he’s doing it is obviously to keep Tommy in a more vulnerable state of mind by continiously insuring he has no way to tell how much time has passed. All the while acting like it’s no big deal of course. Like his actions aren’t deliberate.

“What if we get out together?” “No, no! Because then you’ll break out with me, I don’t want you to break out with me” Dream already gave a similar proposition when they had just got stuck together and, again, the reason why this is so important, is because it seems to indicate a shift in Dream’s mind between the “me vs you” mentality to the “me and you vs the rest”. 

There is then the whole debacle with PussBoy where he’s killed. There isn’t really much reaction from Dream for it (really, Tommy shows more panic about it then Dream does any emotion. Please people, re-watch that scene and stop using the damn cat as a motivator there). “Look Tommy, I’m gonna get out” is literally his only reaction. That and saying that Tommy is and always has been his motivator: “You motivated me, well, you motivate me all the time”. It really couldn’t be clearer here.

“I’ll get out and, when I do, I’ll get my revenge” (...) “On who” “On everyone who’s wronged me” “Oh on fucking everyone won’t you! You’ll go and you’ll kill fucking... you wouldn’t kill anyone would you? You wouldn’t, you wouldn’t kill someone (long pause)... of course you fucking would...” Now, why did I highlight this whole thing? Well, because there’s a lot to unpack here. 

1) Dream is still fully of the idea that he was in the right, hence his desire to get revenge on “those who wronged him”. His mentality has not shifted at all so we can conclude, once and for all, that his “meek” act during most of the visit was indeed just that: an act. 

2) Callback to Tommy saying he feels like his brain is “wired to be Dream’s friend”, despite having already been killed 2 times by Dream, Tubbo more recently almost dying to him and knowing what he is capable of in general, it still takes him quite a bit to remember that yes, Dream would kill someone, he would hurt people. Tommy still has a hard time admitting to what happened to him and the impact Dream has had on him and he’s not entirely out of Dream’s manipulation (once again, good representation, because you don’t heal from something like that in a month), he is however now better at recognizing it and correcting his own faulty thinking. 

“I have a plan” I did not notice this on first watch, but was Dream’s plan to send Tommy to the afterlife from the start? Or, at least, to send someone there so he could study it? It could very well have been. He’s shown in the next stream that he wanted talk to Schlatt immediately asking Tommy about him once he was back. We can’t however ignore that he mentione that “someone who owes him a favour” may be a part of his escape plan, so that feels rather important for the future once he’ll have brought Willbur back to life. 

So then there is more of fight that start. Dream is getting annoyed at Tommy’s “whining” and tries to make him see things from his perspective (aka “it’s not so bad because we have each other” again with the trying to establish their “friendship”). 

“You don’t have ME, you never have ME, we don’t have each other, alright? I am me and you are this fucking looser who goes around manipulating people and lying to get what he wants” What this is is 2 things: 

1) Tommy recognizing what Dream is trying to do, the subtext of what he’s saying and refuting his claims (hurray for the bit of healing he’s had!)

2) Tommy actually recognizing the possessive side of the claims Dream keeps making. I don’t see this talked about that much, but, to Dream, Tommy is most definitely his propriety, just like Tommy’s disks were Dream’s in his mind (remember that speach? He literally referred to them as “my disks”). I mean, he clearly acts like that’s the case, enphasizing time and time again how he has absolute power over Tommy (I’ll go a bit more into it towards the end of the analysis of the other stream, for now though, keep this in mind)

“Even when I’m in here I’m more powerful then you are when you are outside” back on the theme of Dream’s God Complex I see. He seems to like showing off as often as he can “how powerful he is and how powerless Tommy is” (in Dream’s words from the season 2 finale), though that’s most probably to keep enforcing the dynamic that he already established in exile, the whole thing with Tommy being entirely dependent on Dream. He seems to like that aspect of their dynamic as he has expressed multiple times his appreciation for that specific period of time. 

“If I wanted to, right now, I could just kill you. And the only reason I’m NOT is because of my friends, for Tubbo, because WE need that fucking revive book, alright? That’s the only reason I’m not killing you” well, I mean, we’ve known this for quite a while. The only reason Dream got to keep his last life was because of Tommy’s attachment to his friends. I’ve seen a few people saying that it was specifically to revive Wilbur and, while that may have been an idea at first, by now he had already shown multiple times that that was not the case (even before spending time with him in the afterlife). When he went to “Wilbur’s revival” (the failed one) he showed that he was already incredibly uncertain about wanting Wilbur back (describing him as “not so poggers” in very Tommyinnit fashion). No, the actual reason why he wants the book is most likely because Tubbo is on his last life and we know he can’t live without his best friend. 

“Tommy, I’m never, I am NEVER EVER going to use the revive book to help you or any of your stupid little friends, okay?” So now the question is: was this a lie or a twisted version of the truth?

I’m gonna say the latter and here is why: Dream DID, in fact, revive Tommy. We know this now, it’s canon. But he really didn’t do it FOR Tommy. One thing I want to make clear is this: while Dream may, in fact, consider himself and Tommy “friends” he doesn’t CARE for Tommy himself, not in a way that’s commonly considered as “caring” at the very least. He finds him fun, entertaining and he seems to be rather dependent on him, but NONE of this things equate to caring about HIM. So, now that that’s cleard up, the resons why he revived him in the first place should be rather obvious: 

1) He wanted to see if he could and learn more about his power in general

2) As I said before, there is a degree of dependency Dream has on Tommy. It’s very obvious in the fact that, despite having let go of every other attachment, he doesn’t seem able of letting go of Tommy, not permanently anyway. He seems to actually need to have a degree of control over Tommy at all times

“I will never use the revive book. I will NEVER use it on you, I will never use it on any of your friends, I will never use it to save ANY of you” now THIS one is a straight up lie. What Dream was trying to do here was provoking Tommy enough to see if he’d actually kill Dream or not (which was a useful information for him for later). To see if Tommy could bring himself to do it (he can’t)

“I’ll get out eventually because, either you’ll let me out or... people will be dead” way to be ominous green man! We could assume by this point that his plan to escape may have been along the lines of “getting Techno to repay him by killing one of Tommy’s friends therefore forcing him to let Dream out to bring them back”, or something of the sort.

“This isn’t worse then exile (...) because in exile I thought you had all the power (...) here’s the thing Dream, here’s the thing I know: I don’t think the revive- I- how could I be so fucking...? The revive book Dream, it’s not real is it?” Here is where things start to actually go downhill fast. There is nothing Dream hates more then Tommy questioning his power, there is nothing that makes him angry faster (I’m sure the whole “I don’t give a fuck about Spirit” speach comes to everyone’s mind when I say this, as it should). Dream, as much as he presents himself to be a logical mastermind, is actually very emotional in the way that he is very easily overtaken by anger. He does irrational stuff every time he gets mad, that’s no secret. If he wasn’t already planning to kill Tommy to test his power, this push is what convinced him to do it. Also this is the exact reason why he likes Tommy (weirdly enough, their relationship is so very complicated) in the first place, because he’s the only one who’s constantly questioning him and challenging him. 

As we know the fight escalated and Dream ended up killing Tommy telling him to ask “Schlatt” about the book. Though before that there are quite a few exchanges were Tommy expresses that he thinks Dream is powerless now and was lying about the book all along because that’s generally what he does and Dream keeps insisting that he’s not lying and that Tommy’s life is still in his hands, that he still has all the power (turns out he wasn’t so wrong...). 

Also, last line to analyze from this: “I might as well be a God Tommy! You can’t kill me and I can kill you” pretty sure this is the first time Dream outwardly announces his God Complex and it’s interesting that his idea of power revolves entirely around having power over Tommy specifically. Because, even having power over Tommy’s life he’s still in prison, he stil has no real power of any kind. Everyone on the outside still hates him (aside from the anarchist duo), they still aren’t letting him out. Who comes to see him and what he can keep in his cell is still entirely dependent on Sam and not on him. But the fact that he has power over Tommy is enough to make him a God in Dream’s eyes.

Am I dead?

Fisrst things first, the afterlife part:

It seems that we may be seeing pieces of conversation had at different times. Let me explain myself:

Tommy opens up asking if he’s dead, then he has an interaction with Wilbur that sounds like it could be their first interaction after his Tommy’s death as Wilbur asks how he’s doing. 

We know however that he’s been ther for at least 2 months, probably more considering he seems to have interacted with Schlatt, but Schlatt has been comatose for 3 months. We could then assume that what we see is a sort of very short montage of Tommy’s time in the afterlife.

The next scene we have Tommy asking “How long is left?” (we don’t know what he’s referring to, though it could be to his revival) and Wilbur responds saying that, to the end of the Universe it would be still 8 eons. Then Wilbur asks him to play competitive solitary and they randomly chat for a bit.

New change of topic (probably next scene again) we have Wilbur telling Tommy he’s happy Tommy is there (dead) with him as the tw of them were never good for the server and caused all the problems (which we know to be incorrect, but it was Wilbur’s mentality at the time of his death and it makes sense that he would have kept it). Tommy also has a very clear panic attack which Wilbur generally ignores. Wilbur also says that, if he’s brought back to life, he knows for a fact that the server will be in shambles because, in his words: “I know what I’m like, that’s the issue”. 

Like it or not people Wilbur is most definitely implying that he knows he wasn’t a good person and that he won’t be different when he comes back. Simple as that. It’s also a further confirmation of his self-deprecating nature that brought him to self-destruct in the first place.

There is another pause that we could consider a cut scene and Wilbur is then talking about making a solitaire arena in a couple of months to an exasperated Tommy

Now for the revival itself:

First thing we notice once Tommy is back to life is that he’s most definitely experiencing a sensory overload. He’d gotten used to living in a colorless dimension with almost no sounds (aside from Wilbur’s and Mexican Dream’s voices I’m guessing) and no sense of touch aside from the constant pain that being back on the living plain may be quite ovewhelming for him.

“So what was it like?” Dream doesn’t loose a beat once Tommy is back before starting to ask him questions. He literally sounds like an eager kid who just got a new toy (and I gotta commend cc!Dream for the voice acting here!). The book worked and now he needs to find out exactly to what extent he can use it (the idea of immortality being on his mind as we’ll see later).

“Void, it was dark, it was all dark” “There was Schlatt, there was Mexican Dream” “There’s so many more drugs then just alcohol” “Mexican Dream, he was there, which was confusing, he was loud. And then there was Wilbur...” “(Continuation from below) and then I came out and I was in a long long hole, a tunnel of black and void, not even black just colorless” “When I was there it all felt so real, but so torn apart. It felt like I was in pieces, like I was stomped on” This is our best description of the Afterlife so far. A static void with no colors or viable sensations, with only 3 known residents now that Tommy is not there any longer. A weird reality with a seemingly entirely different set of rules to our own.

“Death felt like my body was taken apart and then put together and then taken apart and put together here. It felt stretched man” “It felt like I was shredded to dust” “No it didn’t feel goo- it felt like I was put through a shredder, but there was no blood, there was no flesh it was just essence, like a powder and I was put through (continues in previous section)” This is Tommy’s complete description of his experience with death and what it felt like. Having to stay for months with this constant sensation it’s really no surprise he would be so hypersensitive to touch.

“Honestly I was kind of scared it wouldn’t work” So, here we got another indication of the fact that, while Dream killed Tommy in rage, having him stay dead was never his intention (despite him claiming he would never use the book on Tommy a couple of days prior). He never intended to severe his last attachment (I’m honestly not sure he even CAN seeing as how dependent he actually seem on Tommy), he literally only killed him because he was mad Tommy would question him and wanted to prove a point, but to prove his point in the first place he needed Tommy back. It’s also probably why he revived him so fast, his weird need to have control over Tommy, which he couldn’t have while Tommy was dead.

Why did he care so much about Tommy not believing him on the book, you may ask? Was it to save his own skin? It’s possible and I think that’s part of it, others being convinced that the only reason they kept Dream alive was a lie could cause his death. The other reason is that he seems, as I said before, to want to shift his and Tommy’s dynamic to an “us vs the world” type of deal, which would require Tommy in particular to believe everything he says.

We can now add being hit at all by Dream to Tommy’s ever growing list of trauma triggers as he seems to have a very vivid recollection of his death by Dream’s hands... also we need to point out their body language in this: Dream is constantly trying to get close to Tommy as much as he’s constantly insisting on getting more information, while Tommy alternates between getting close to Dream and pushing him away (could be he’s both seeking some kind of comfort, but is also very overwhelmed).

“Tell me, one more time: what was it like when you died?” “Did it feel good?” Dream’s insistence and exitment about Tommy’s very obvious extreme distress is honestly concerning, but expected. By now we can safely assume that he doesn’t really have any empathy, I know, bold claim, but is there any evidence to refute it? Any evidence at all? Because, so far, he has shown a distinct lack of empathy in any and all situations...

Another interesting thing was Tommy’s reaction to Dream’s probing questions: while he seemed to get increasingly distressed by them, he kept answering Dream every time with little hesitation only at times adding on things like calling Dream a monster for the way he was treating him. I honestly think this may have been because he was in desperate need of comfort, and having someone to confide into is part of that. And Dream was the only “someone” he had there.

We then get the whole exchange about how time in the Afterlife is different then in the normal plain of existence. I’ve seen people equate 1 day to 1 month, however that’s incorrect. That was Dream’s wrong assumption but, from whet Tommy said, we can guess that it was much more then that. Frist of all, the first month and 18-20 days Schlatt was still awake and he was the one making them keep count. That said, we know Schlatt has been asleep for around 3 months (we don’t know exactly how much as they lost count). Which means that Tommy’s stay in the Afterlife was much more around 5 months then 2, meaning 1 day in the Real World should equate to roughly 2.5 months in the Afterlife give or take. That is, of course, assuming time there moves in a regular way and there is an actual correspondence between Real World time and Afterlife time, which is not a given.

Tommy keeps asking for the people he find reassurance in (at least we can assume so) which, in this case, are: Tubbo, Jack, Phil, Fundy an Sapnap. It’s a pretty weirdly matched group of people but, apparently, they are the ones Tommy seeks out when he’s distressed. It would be interesting to see an analysis of his relationship with each of them, but this one is not about that I’m afraid. 

“Wait shut- shut up! Shut up! Sorry, I’m sorry” Tommy seems to have re-acquired some of his exile mannerism such as being overly apologetic and skittish, together with the lashing out more. None of this are good signs... he had just started healing as well...

“I... I’m a God! I can bring people back to life, I wasn’t even sure that I could, but I can!” Bringing Tommy back to life worsened Dream’s God Complex even further, because now he doesn’t only have power over Tommy, but everyone else as well. And, I mean... at this point he IS basically a God, he’s not even wrong on that. 

“Dream, Dream, listen to me. The things I saw, the things he talked about, the things he said he will and the things he WILL do... do not- promise me, never EVER bring back Wilbur! Please, please, please” In case anyone was wondering this is the exact thing Tommy said on Wilbur. He didn’t say he’s worse then Dream here, but he IS bad news, at least if we trust Tommy on it. Wilbur wasn’t only self-destructive when alive, he was destructive in general. He was dangerous to others as much as he was to himself and he DID hurt people. And this side of him seems to only have been accentuated by death.

 “Do NOT bring back Wilbur. Ever! Promise me you’ll never do that, alright? Dream, Dream, you are nothing, you’re nothing, you’re fine Dream! We can be friends if you don’t bring him back! You’re not even- all the tragedies you’ve done-” and here’s the part that I’m guessing people are interpreting as Tommy saying Wilbur is worst then Dream which is... a fair interpretation actually (considering that Tommy is not a reliable narrator). Now please don’t get me wrong, Alivebur as he was, wasn’t worse then Dream, but he had years in the afterlife to become even more radicalized in his beliefs. There is also the fact that Tommy doesn’t seem to put the harm done against him on the same level as that done against others: Dream has hurt Tommy worse then Wilbur ever did, but Wilbur’s potential harm against others might be greater in Tommy’s mind then Dream’s. That’s the reason why he’s offering something he knows Dream wants, which is his friendship, in order to keep Wilbur from coming back: because he truly doesn’t care about his own wellbeing as long as others are safe. Of course Dream’s response to this is: "It’s not up to you. It’s up to me because I- I have that control” which is very in character for the green blob with a God Complex

“What if, now that we know, we could send you back and you could figure out-” We can see that Dream has an utter fascination with this whole concept and, now that he knows revival works, he has no qualms with sending Tommy back (no matter how obviously traumatic it was for him) to get further information because, guess what? Death is not in any way an escape anymore. He can simply pull Tommy back as he pleases.

There is then the exchange about burning the book, but, as Dream has it memorized, they would need to kill Dream to get rid of the knowledge, but Tommy can’t bring himself to do it because he’s even more terrified of being stuck alone in the cell then he is of Dream bringing Wilbur back. 

“I wanna know about death. We can study it! We can study it together! We can become immortal together!” Again, if there were any doubts on Dream’s constant need of having Tommy under his control, this should dissolve them. There is truly not much more he can do to show how obsessed he is then offering Tommy to be immortals together, especially because we know that the ideal for him would be to have Tommy be completely dependent on him again. To have his favourite puppet under his control for eternity apparently... “I want absolutely fucking nothing to do with you” of course, as we said many times, Tommy doesn’t view their relationship in the same way. Tommy actually hates Dream and truly doesn’t want anything to do with him.

“You owe me your life” “Owe you my life? You beat m-!” Who’d know that Dream had some similar arguments to his apologists huh? But this does show how warped his view of reality is. I mean, he’s fully aware that he beat Tommy to death, but he still think Tommy should be grateful to him for bringing him back. 

“Now you can tell everyone that the book exists, that I'm not a liar!” Dream really went hard with the whole God Complex thing, even going as far as choosing his profet huh? Man’s just on a high horse and will never get down...

“Everyone... is my puppet” Welp, this is the culmination of his God Complex. The realisation that he has absolute power of life and death over everyone else. That he can play with them as he pleases. Also, may I add that, for basically this whole stream, he has used the “soft voice” he tends to do with Tommy whenever he’s trying to get him to comply? Like, I’m mentioining it now because it was particularly obvious in this last exchange, but it’s been there on and off the WHOLE time. 

“You killed me to prove your own point. You could have just showed me! You could have just- this is so evil. This is- this is- this isn’t like before. This isn’t you’ve blown up and- you’ve put me through torture, through pain, to prove a point, that’s fucked! You can’t do that to me... to anyone!” It took almost half an hour but Tommy has finally come to the full realisation of what happened to him, of why it happened and he’s honestly very understandably distraught about it (though it is to be said that it's arguably quite good that he understands that it wasn't okay for him either to be put through that as he tends to downplay his own suffering greatly). He has been through something unimaginable for us because Dream was upset that he didn’t believe him about the book. That’s all there was to it, that’s all the reason for his suffering. Like, he’s not wrong at all when he describes Dream as a monster, that’s literally the only accurate description of him. No normal person would put someone else through this for such a petty reason. 

“You’re soft Dream, you’re soft” Another valid point by Tommy. While Dream IS undoubtedly extremely powerful and extremely clever, he’s also petty, stubborn and childish. He throws violent temper tanrtums every time someone (especially Tommy) disagrees with him and mostly gets away with his bs because he has the power to back them up. That said he hardly ever lost, the only true loss he had was being locked in prison, and he managed to turn even that in his favour! But that’s the think: loosing makes you stronger, it often teaches you a lot and pushes you to get better. He (along with a couple of others) basically never had that. Tommy’s been through literal Hell and he survived that, he knows he can survive that. Dream? He may break at the first real hardship as far as we know!

“I’ll let you free, I’ll let you free alright? We’ll call for Sam, we’ll get him in here, he’ll let you out, but... I’m gonna bring back Wilbur and Wilbur- Wilbur is gonna help me escape” 2 things to unpack here (aside from the fact that he’s using the “soft voice” to say something extremely disturbing again):

1) Dream is, once again asserting his power over Tommy in two ways: by frasing it in a way that implies that it’s up to Dream wether Tommy leaves or not and by confirming again that Wilbur’s resurrection is entirely up to him and that Tommy’s opinion on the matter is utterly worthless

2) He fully intends to use Wilbur as a puppet as well because, as he says a bit later, if he brings him back then Wilbur will be indebted to him

And that’s how it’s concluded! 

My closing thoughts on this are that, generally, Dream’s level of dependence on Tommy seems to worsen as fast as his God Complex. man went from telling him that their story “would never be over” to offering him immortality in the span of little over a month. Tommy is Not Doing Good, AT ALL, but I’m hoping he’ll ask for help this time from other people because he literally cannot deal with this on his own. Wilbur will not be good news, but what he’ll do is still entirely uncertain, it is to be pointed out however that, at the beginning, his frasing at a certain point sounded scarily similar to Dream’s idea of “us vs the world” when he said that him and Tommy specifically are the single cause of conflict. I hope I’m wrong there because the LAST thing Tommy needs is another obsessive God-like individual in his life!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

A Miraculous TikTok Account

Part 22

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My brain really gave me ideas for four different stories at once and then said ‘good luck’ huh

There were a few moments right after they realized that it was Hawkmoth that the miraculous holders had panicked. They had all half-ran to their rooms and started looking around to make sure their identities were safe.

And, surprisingly, it seemed that they were.

Carapace’s backpack had been thrown across the room hard enough to dent the plaster but the books and folders inside were untouched. His computer screen had been cracked but Hawkmoth hadn’t even tried to unlock it.

Right, so apparently he was just trying to scare them. A kind of ‘I know where you sleep, don’t test me’ situation.

He fixed his overturned desk chair and took a seat with a heavy sigh of relief. His room was in shambles and he was going to have to spend one of his few nights off cleaning and maybe beg for money from the rich kids, but at least his family was safe.

“Hey, guys?” Called Chat, his voice laced with concern.

Carapace was on his feet in a flash. Considering Hawkmoth was only really concerned with getting the cat and ladybug miraculous, it was entirely plausible that he’d only been looking to figure out those two identities.

(Why had he decided to trash the house if that was just it, Carapace didn’t know. It would be better to not let on the fact that he knew who they were. Pettiness, maybe?)

He was the first to Chat’s room, but he could hear the others running over, too.

Chat was standing in his room, a confused frown playing at his lips as he nudged things around with his feet. He looked up at the others. “He didn’t do anything to my room… I don’t…”

“Huh?” Said Ladybug.

There was a beat where everyone looked over the room. Chat was right, he realized. The room was a mess but not in the same way everyone else’s was. Nothing was broken.

And it wasn’t like Hawkmoth would have just missed the room. It was in the middle of the hallway, and everyone else had been hit. It wasn’t a time thing, he had just… somehow not done anything.

The four in the doorway exchanged wary glances.

And then Rena snickered. “He must have thought he’d already done your room. I mean, look at it. It’s enough of a mess, he didn’t need to do anything.”

“That’s true. I’d assume I’d already done it, too,” said Chloe.

“Maybe we should stay in here for the night,” suggested Ladybug. She bunched up the front of her dress in her hands. “It’s safer, no broken glass to step on or anything.”

“The bed’s certainly big enough,” said Rena.

Chloe nodded. “And it’d be nice to have something to do. At least he has a working TV, still.”

“Sleepover in Chat’s room it is!” Said Carapace with false cheer.

If Chat noticed anything off about their demeanor, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he started walking around and picking stuff up.

They all went off in different directions.

He detransformed and changed into a designated Sleeping Hoodie (which was definitely different than his everyday hoodies) and a pair of sweatpants… then he reluctantly added socks. Ladybug had been right about the floor being more than a little dangerous. Still, wearing socks around the house was weird to him.

At least it wasn’t shoes.

He walked down to the kitchen for some snacks and found Ladybug mourning the broken coffee machine. She was curled up on the ground, hugging the few remaining coffee pods to her like she thought Hawkmoth would come back and steal them.

He slowly knelt down next to her to make sure she wasn’t going into shock or something.

She blinked at him, and then her face hardened. She no longer looked sad, instead she looked absolutely livid. He wasn’t sure this was an improvement.

“I’m killing Hawkmoth.”

There was no response to that that didn’t sound stupid (and he didn’t want to mess up and add himself to her hitlist), so he just reached out and rested his hand on her head. He had no clue what he was doing, but it worked, somehow. Her shoulders relaxed.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. Murder is bad or whatever.”

He couldn’t really disagree, so he just nodded and withdrew his hand.

He got up and realized he’d forgotten why he’d come down to the kitchen in the first place. He stood there for a moment, fruitlessly trying to recall why he was there, before dejectedly going back to his room. It was there that his stomach growled to remind him that food was a thing and he headed back down.

Chloe and Rena were in the living room. Chloe had changed into a nightgown and Rena was sporting a sports bra and pajama shorts.

Chloe had her phone out and she motioned for him to move so she could get a better shot. He did so, moving to hide behind the couch.

She beamed at him before tapping her phone once and beginning to speak:

“Hawkmoth is so lame. I mean, look at all this. He comes into our house when he’s completely sure none of us are around like a --”

“Fucking,” Rena swore for her.

“-- coward. Imagine being so scared of what five teenagers would do in retaliation for trashing their house that you don’t even have the guts to do it while they’re there. And all he did was throw --”

“Shit.”

“-- around! Do some damage! Congrats on wasting maybe a few thousand euros, but maybe step up your game a little. Even your akumas do more than this.”

She walked over to show the message Hawkmoth had written them and then rolled her eyes.

“I mean, look at this --”

“Shit.”

“What does he think he is? A 90s cartoon villain? PLEASE. At least those have the --”

“Balls.”

“-- to actually show up once and a while at the season finale. Give me a break. Hawkmoth, if you want us to be scared, maybe you should try being an actual threat, don’t you think?”

She stopped recording and uploaded the video as is.

He got out of his hiding place.

… did he really forget what he was doing? Again?

Well, he knew whatever it was he was doing was in the kitchen. He walked in and realized that, hey, it was a KITCHEN. What could he be doing except for getting food? He walked to the fridge and found that, to his horror, Hawkmoth had just straight up stolen their food. Like an asshole.

He dejectedly made his way up to Chat’s room, intending to collapse on his bed and whine until the rich kid ordered pizza or something, only to pause in the doorway.

Chat’s room was… clean? The floors were spotless, the bed made. The room smelled faintly of lavender.

His brain scrambled for an explanation. Maybe Chat had been akumatized. Or, maybe, someone else had gotten akumatized into a copy-Chat and they’d taken the wrong one home by mistake. Or Rena was playing a prank on them.

Chat looked up from the game he was playing and gave a half-smile. He was wearing a set of silk pajamas, because of course he was.

“Are you coming in or are you just going to stand there forever?”

He didn’t know what was going on, which was really just a summary of the entire night if he was being honest, so he just went on autopilot and picked up the other controller.

The others filed in one at a time. Ladybug was first and she blinked a few times before she slowly walked over and sat on Carapace’s other side. He had no clue what she was wearing, because she had wrapped herself up tightly in a thick blanket -- wait, wasn’t that just the comforter on her bed?

Before he could ask her this, she wriggled her arms out of her blanket and started sketching. (Everyone knew not to interrupt her when she was working unless they wanted to risk her snapping at them, and the loss of her coffee could only make that worse.)

A few minutes later Rena plopped herself down beside Chat. Carapace flinched and ended up dying in the game. He hadn’t heard her come in, but that wasn’t surprising anymore, just annoying. He glanced at her and saw that she looked angry enough to make an akuma.

Oh. Right. Rena was the one always cleaning up after Chat. He’d be mad, too, if he had to do that for months only to find out that he was perfectly capable of cleaning up after himself.

She calmed down a little when she saw that their game was currently not going well. Karma.

Chloe came in last and, as always, was the most blunt: “Who are you and what have you done with Chat?”

Chat paused the game and pulled an awkward smile to his face. “I… it’s still me. It’s just… I didn’t want to have my first sleepover to be so messy.”

There was a moment as this registered in everyone’s minds.

“This is your WHAT?!”

Fuck the Hawkmoth thing, this was way more important.

~~~

Taglist

@nathleigh @sassakitty @th1s-1s-my-aesthet1c @blueslushgueen @woe-is-me0 @ladybug-182 @cas-and-their-refusal-to-write @trippingovermyfeet

[chalkrevelations]

And finally, here we are, Episode 36 of Word of Honor, and I have some FEELINGS. Let me show you them.

There also will be Episode 37 here, btw, because I’m not gonna do a separate reaction for a three-minute episode, no matter how grateful I am that we got it.

(Spoilers, so if that’s not what you want right now, scroll on by and come back after you’ve watched it. Them.)

Let’s get to the meat of the episode right away: THE HAIRPIN. And Wen Kexing knowing Zhou Zishu would have it, because he’d definitely take it with him if he was going on a suicide mission! Y’all. I really have to yell about this for a minute: That’s how secure WKX has become in his knowledge of what he means to ZZS! After all that time angsting and hiding the truth of his identity and worrying that he’s not worthy of ZZS and that he’d be rejected if ZZS knew the truth about him! But now, WKX has finally reached a point where he understands and knows (zhiji, the one I know) he’s so important to ZZS that ZZS would never ever go off to die without taking his most precious possession, the hairpin that his husband gave him! I can’t. My heart. This is like a declaration, after all that time saying they were zhiji, that WKX finally is able to truly see ZZS as that, to know him in his bones, and all of this is also delivered in the middle of WKX in a strop, irritably chastising his husband as an evil brat for running away from home to get himself killed, with Gong Jun’s little  >:(  face in full effect, and I am so filled with love for this show and this couple at this point that I have to pause Youtube just so I can roll around on the sofa, clutching at my chest and scaring the cats with my inarticulate noises. This is so good, y’all. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Also, now you know how it feels, WKX, you asshole. Which I suppose is why you even confess that it will would be more painful for the one who survives when if the other dies. And you were prepared to do that to him a second time? I cannot believe you, you asshole. You get to sleep on the ice couch for a month.

And then there’s some Six Cultivation Power mind-melding and what looks to be an INCREDIBLY STUPID and HEARTBREAKING ending that would leave us Burying One of Our Gays, so it’s a good thing Episode 37 (all three minutes of it) exists. It would be nice, though, if the connective tissue from 36 to 37 made any sense. Or existed whatsoever. Just, like, throw me a bone, here, show. Some kind of explicit hand-waviness that actually gets mentioned for why Ye Baiyi apparently was not as smart as he thought he was and didn’t really know what he was talking about when he was doomsaying about how one of the pair will surely, oh surely perish. None of this “Sooooo, they managed to figure out the technique and master it?” from some random shidi who never actually gets an answer. I mean, the door was left open for fanwankery on this one, with what looks to be a very last-minute conceit of all this being a story told by grown-up Chengling to his disciples, which begs the question of how much of what he’s telling them is totally accurate, given any number of issues, including the spottiness of human recall, the possibility (based on the fact they’re still on the mountain in Ep 37) that Chengling never actually saw either of them again to get the full story, and the way Gao Xiaolian basically calls bs on the whole thing. But this is still a gossamer-thin thread on which to hang Ep 37. Ep 37 basically functions as reassurance because of the mere fact of its existence, because they’re clearly both alive, right there in front of your face, regardless of the other fact that it doesn’t actually make any sense, based on Ep 36. It ultimately doesn’t matter if there is no Step 2, because Step 3: Profit! is … right there. In evidence. Happening. On your screen. No matter how vaguely unsatisfying the lack of Step 2 may be.

I do feel like there’s an interesting meta thing going on here, in that the entire show has been about – let’s be honest, it was never really about the plot - queer-coding this couple in ways that supposedly fly just enough under the radar that people can handwave them as Just Good Friends and Brothers (I mean, I guess) with a Bury Your Gays tragic ending (ugh) for good measure. And Chengling is telling a story in-universe that seems to conform to some of this same formula. And yet, we all know well and good that these guys were husbands. (I mean, barring anything else, they’re a couple in the original source material, so checkmate, censorship.) So, are we supposed to carry the same assurance out of the show, on a meta level, that what appears to be happening at the end of Ep 36 - what we discover we’re learning through Chengling’s story-telling - isn’t really the truth? Just, look: While we’re getting the Good Friends and Brothers push, there’s stuff like obvious voice-over work that doesn’t match the much more queer version of what the actors actually said, which is apparently blazingly clear to any viewers who know Mandarin and can manage to lip-read. The show has literally put de-queered words into these characters’ mouths. You can’t trust what you hear. But apparently the show has also made this obvious enough that, if you’re a good enough speaker of the language the show is being told in, and you have a good enough eye, you can see what is actually going on. Are we being taught to trust our eyes more than our ears, are we being told that what we’re being told - by the end of Ep 36 on a meta level, by Ye Baiyi-through-Chengling’s-story on an in-universe level, and by what we learn about what happened from Chengling’s story, itself, also on an in-universe level - is inherently untrustworthy, but that if we “speak the language” of this show well enough, and have a good enough eye, we can decode it and see what “actually” happened and is later made explicit in Ep 37? Is Ep 37 canon? Does it matter, when “what is canon” is already so slippery on this show, where you can apparently lip-read something that’s different than what you’re hearing, and it functions as canon because of the mere fact of its existence, because it’s clearly … right there. In evidence. Happening. On your screen.

Anyway, just some thoughts on all that, which I guess is my own fanwankery work to join up the end of Ep 36 with Ep 37, which was, of course, delightful. No matter how much I might bemoan the lack of Step 2, I had a stupid, dopey grin on my face all the way through Ep 37 and might have even teared up a tiny bit at the very end. You can’t prove anything. Lemme tell you, though, it’s a good idea to have 37 on hand when you run into the brick wall of the end of 36, because while WKX’s willingness to sacrifice himself for love is theoretically great, it is not something I actually want to see come to fruition, given the pall it would cast over the entire joyous experience that the ZZS/WKX relationship is throughout the rest of the show. Sure, there’s always fic, but there’s a heaviness that hangs over the Bury Your Gays trope, and it’s retroactively ruined shows for me before. So THANK YOU, to those of you who hooked me up so I could immediately move on to Ep 37.

What else? Other things:

OK, so, first, I have to get this out of the way: Did we actually already see all of those “flashbacks” we get in the first part of the ep, during the conversation between Zhou Zishu and Jing Beiyuan, when all the political stuff is supposed to be finally falling together to give us the big picture? I would have to go back and scrummage through those eps to be sure, and I’m not going to spend time doing that (yet) when I still need to do some keysmashing about Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing OH MY GOD, but I do feel like some of this was new information, not just stuff that I’d glossed over because it didn’t seem important at the time? If so, not on, show. I will be keeping an eye out for that on re-watch. I am, however, perfectly willing to accept – if it turns out to be true – that you utterly distracted me with the failboats-in-love storyline, to the detriment of my focus on, you know, plot or whatever. It’s happened before. (It’s one of the reasons I need to go back and watch The Untamed again, at some point.)

OMG FAKE KEY! And as ZZS points out, this has been foreshadowed for us from early on, with WKX’s fake Glazed Armors plot. :bangs table with fist: YES. This show is going to reward re-watching SO MUCH.

Duan Pengju, oh my god, this asshole. The look on his face when the Armory didn’t open was so gratifying. Also, ha. I wondered when ZZS was finally going to be done with his shit. In fact, so much gratification in this whole scene. Xie Wang’s face when he realizes WKX double-crossed him – what, did you think you were the only tricksy one in that little alliance, Xie’er? And, holy shit – I cannot believe that Xie’er actually words this as WKX failing him, taking us back around to this theme one more time again. I would maybe feel a little worse for you if you hadn’t been a hairsbreadth away from killing him before ZZS stopped you in the last ep, Xie’er. Also if you hadn’t helped get A-Xiang killed. So I think the fail in this relationship is going both ways. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like you’re going to get the time WKX had to start untangling yourself from the ways your abuser has fucked you up and over.

It once again becomes blindingly clear why ZZS has been my ride-or-die during this whole thing: Under the grumpy, irritable, day-drinking yet somehow eminently practical exterior, he’s actually an idealistic do-gooder who just wants to make the world a better place for people and sacrifice himself for great justice. Never let it be said that I don’t have a type. Also, I mean. Zhang Zhehan’s FACE. Let’s don’t discount the power of that.

Final word: Don’t miss Ep 37. All three minutes of it. They are perhaps the most important three minutes of the entire show.

(I mean, not FINAL final word. I expect to be going back for a re-watch and posting more things, particularly on eps from before I started typing up 1000K-word reactions this first time around.)