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ickleronniekinsemotionalrange · 2 years

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Cooler Than Me - S.R

Summary: Spencer can’t quite figure out why you dislike him so much. It drives him crazy.

tw/cw: sexual innuendos, tension, cringing and a minuscule moment of worry about consent (it’s given dw!)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAU!Reader (f!reader) (no y/n)

a/n: Hi loves! sorry I went all MIA but I had ZERO motivation to write and college life is dragging me to hell. This is my first Spencer pic and to be honest, i'm nervous. nobody asked for this, but i wrote it anyway because I can’t keep this man out of my head. I recommend listening to Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner (slowed) while reading, because it played on loop when i wrote it. anyway, hope you’ll enjoy this, please like/repost if you do. your support is, as always, extremely appreciated. (this is not beta read, all mistakes are on me).

When you first walked into the bullpen, Spencer didn’t even notice, his face was buried in War and Peace, yet again. Elle was giving you the tour and introducing you to your new teammates, who would quickly become your friends. However, the resident genius was much too busy to pay you some mind. It wasn’t until Hotch stood before him and called his name, that he put the book down and focused on you.

God did he regret not giving you his undivided attention for the past 5 minutes.

Your smile was friendly, somewhat awkward at his lack of interest in his new colleague, but it was there, nonetheless. He wondered how bright it could shine when it wasn’t embarrassed.

You extended your hand, to try and shake the awkwardness in the room, but all Spencer cold do was smile his typical-tight-lip smile and wave. You retracted your hand, even more embarrassed than before and cleared your throat.

After that deeply uncomfortable moment, some awkward laughs echoed quietly in the room; all the other profilers knew what Spencer was like. But not you, and you took offense at what you misunderstood as disdain.

Hotch spoke again “well agent, this is our team. We are very glad to have you with us. Please, follow me to my office, there are some forms I need to review with you”.

“Of course” you nodded.

Your voice was gentle, and as cliché as it sounds, Spencer couldn’t help but feel a tingling in his chest.

The next morning, when you entered the bullpen, you knew better than to try and say hello to him. You walked around and talked to everyone else, but not him. He frowned, did he do something wrong? Spencer’s genius brain was confused, did he do something to upset you?

Hotch stood in front of his office and spoke to the team “we have a case”, he said nothing more and headed toward the conference room.

Spencer stood up and looked around, trying to find you. You were laughing at some joke Morgan had made. Elle and JJ were right behind you and exchanged knowing smiles; clueless as he was, Spencer knew that wasn’t a good sign.

Now in the jet, you were sitting right beside the resident flirt, smiling at him. And though he was on the other side of the plane, Spencer caught a bit of your conversation.

“Hm, so pretty and smart” Morgan said, flirtatiously.

“That’s me” you answered, only half jokingly.

‘Add confident to the list’ Spencer thought, making his own list of things that made you amazing.

As Garcia appeared on the screen, the jokes stopped, but the smiles remained. It made Spencer jealous, and he wasn’t normally jealous.

“Alright, Morgan and JJ head to the crime scene and see what you can find out about our latest victim” Hotch said with authority “Gideon, Elle, you’re with me, we’ll head to the station and interview the families”. The team leader looked at you “you’re with Reid, you’ll go to the M.E and see if we missed something”.

Your face looked confused.

Hotch pointed at the genius, “Reid” he spoke again.

You nodded in understanding “Oh right” you answered back.

Morgan and Elle chuckled silently.

Spencer didn’t find the situation the least bit amusing, had you actually forgotten his name?

The rest of the fight you kept going over the case, and you joked lightly with everyone, everyone except him. So Reid took matter in his own hands and tried making a joke himself, but much to his dismay, you only gave him an awkward smile, as did the rest of the team.

Spencer tried not to think about it too much, choosing to focus on the case instead.

When the jet landed, you were once again flirting with Derek.

“Alright, try not to miss me too much” you said as you got behind the wheel.

“Can’t make that promise” Derek answered, winking at you and getting into his own car.

Spencer’s stomach churned as he got in the passenger’s seat beside you. You gave him a tight-lipped smile and started driving.

The drive was spent in utter silence, it was clear you weren’t interested in kidding around with the doctor. And the situation was uncomfortable, to say the least.

You weren’t partnered up with him for the rest of the case, and you talked to him only when necessary. Spencer was getting desperate, he wanted you to look at him the way you looked at Morgan. He didn’t even know why, he felt like a kid who wanted a toy solely because he couldn’t have it. As cliché as he thought it sounded, Spencer had never felt that way about anyone.

When the case was closed, and you were back on the jet, Spencer hoped he could sit by your side and, much to his dismay, the seat was already taken by Morgan. The genius all but stomped his foot on the ground and sat in front of you, right by JJ; who by the way did not miss the looks of hope Spencer was giving you.

“Genius got a crush?” She asked in a whisper.

“WHAT?” He answered in a high-pitched tone that made you and Morgan look at him quizzically.

JJ wasn’t fooled, the high-pitched voice was Spencer’s tell.

“Uh-uh Reid, you heard me” she whispered again when you and Morgan got back to your conversation.

Spencer looked into JJ’s eyes, pleading, he knew the jig was up.

“I won’t tell her, don’t worry” she said softly.

Spencer let out a shaky breath and nodded. “Thanks” he said, relieved but still nervous about the whole ordeal.

Some months had passed, and you felt at home with your team. JJ, Penny, Elle and you were constantly going out and having ‘girl’s night’; Hotch seemed pleased by your performance, Gideon had warmed up to you. The flirting with Morgan remained, but you both realized you were more like older brother and annoying baby sister, Morgan was your best friend and you were his (tied with Garcia, but don’t tell her that).

But things were still awkward with the resident genius. You understood perfectly he wanted nothing to do with you. That hurt your pride, so you ignored him as best as you could, thinking that would make the stupid, pathetic little crush go away.

You ignored him as hard as you could.

Until you couldn’t.

While in the conference room, Hotch looked at you “You and Reid head to Miami to see if you can find out about the victims there while we head to Jacksonville.”

You felt a chill run down your spine, terrified at the idea of spending alone time with Reid.

Spencer was just as terrified. He knew you were much cooler than him, and totally out of his league. But he figured maybe he could finally ask you why you hated him.

Garcia booked your flight to Miami and wished you luck, giving Spencer a knowing wink when you turned around. The rest of the team got on the jet while you drove to the airport, and once again it was filled with tension and silence, except for the music that floated in the car.

You couldn’t handle the tension, so as soon as you sat on your seat (right beside Spencer, to top it off) you pretended to fall asleep. Boy genius turned his head towards you, mustering up the courage to ask his question, but he exhaled defeated when he saw your sleeping form.

Two and a half hours later, you were being softly shaken awake by your partner for the case. Turns out you had really fallen asleep, much to your surprise.

“Uhm, s-sorry to wake you but uhm, we’ve landed” Spencer said softly.

His handsome features were a sight to behold, and in your sleepy state, you couldn’t help but stare at him.

His mouth now a tight line, he was shuffling uncomfortably under your burning gaze. This you noticed, so you unwillingly got out of your reverie and picked up your bags.

“Cool, let’s go” you said quickly and started walking in front of him.

Spencer couldn’t help looking at your ass, swaying gracefully in front of him. He bit his lip and shook his head, following you like a lost puppy.

Although you hated to admit it, you worked really well as a team, your confidence intimidated the suspects and Spencer’s intelligence intimidated the police. You got what you wanted fairly easily; so when Hotch called for an update, you begrudgingly told him how great you were doing.

Spencer was still nervous around you, but he started (little by little) to work up his confidence. He was absolutely decided to ask you why you despised him so much, and how he could mend things.

So when your unit chief called you back to Jacksonville and you got on the plane, Spencer left you no time to pretend you were asleep. He went for it.

“Why do you hate me?” He blurted. Well, that was definitely not how he wanted things to go.

“Excuse me?” You asked bewildered, eyes nearly popping out of your skull. “For a genius, you got things pretty backwards Reid. You hate me, not the other way around” you said defensively.

“What?” Spencer all but screamed, earning annoyed looks from the passengers around you. “Sorry” he whispered, looking around.

“You heard me Reid” You deadpanned.

“Yes I heard you, but I don’t hate you” Spencer corrected you. “You hate me, you avoid me, you ignore me, you’re annoyed when we get paired together. I mean for Christ’s sake, you didn’t even remember my name the first day!” He rambled, his pulse quickening.

“Well you heaven’t made things easy either! You completely ignored my presence on the first day, and you made a fool out of me when you left my hand stretched without having the courtesy of shake it!” You answered, agitated.

“Do you know it’s actually safer to kiss? Because-“ Reid said before you interrupted him.

“Did you wanted me to kiss you?!” You asked sarcastically.

“Yes!” Spencer answered without really thinking.

Upon hearing that, you both widened your eyes and Spencer turned a violent shade of crimson.

“What?” You asked in a whisper, still shocked at his confession.

‘Fuck it’ he thought.

“I like you, I have since I laid my eyes on you” Spencer took a shaky breath before continuing “and I know you’re out of my league because I may be a genius but I’m a loser, I know you’re definitely cooler than me; but I can’t help it, you’re so confident, and smart and so gorgeous. And I know you don’t feel the same because I have seen your flirt with Morgan, and I know he’s exactly what women want, not some un-athletic nerd who rambles when he’s nervous and-“

You interrupted Spencer again, this time by slamming your lips on his, taking him entirely by surprise. But you stopped when he didn’t kissed you back, mortified about kissing him without his consent.

You pulled away, avoiding his eyes by closing yours, cringing.

“I’m so sorry Spencer” now it was your turn to ramble “I just — since you said you wanted me to kiss you I thought-“

Spencer silenced you by cupping your face with his cold hands and pressing a heated kiss on your lips. You kissed him back immediately, fearing he would disappear the second you let go.

“Finally!” The grandma behind you shouted with a big smile on her face.

Spencer and you both laughed on each others lips, his face still cupping yours. You placed a peck on his wide smile and pulled back to look at him.

“Two things” you said, looking into his eyes. Spencer looked at you, scared this was a prank or something similar.

“One, Morgan is like my big brother, we flirt a lot but it’s all for laughs. And he discovered my crush on you veeeery early on, so don’t even worry about that” you told him, holding his hand.

Spencer exhaled completely relieved, until he remembered and said “and the second?” .

“I am definitely cooler than you, lover boy”.

#dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction

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starrbright · 6 months

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Last Degree Of Nature | Nanami K.

Stay longer in me. Take root. Vera Pavlova, A Weight on My Back (tr. Steven Seymour)

January 5, 2024—April 5

Last continuation for Prof. Nanami: X | X | X | X |

3k words. Sickening fluff, honestly. No smut, really sorry for that. 🙇🏽‍♀️🫶🏼🫂

image used: X | a quote i used is from the 2014 film 'about time'

I had a bad case of baby fever after december 14, so......yeah. And I really was going through it and I thought of this.

Still going through it.

A few months has passed. Everything continues to go well with Nanami. Too well. Is it stupid? Honestly, you could swear it is. You sigh under your breath, tutting your head sharply to wipe away the thoughts but it comes back, the voice of your professor speaking up almost unheard, what she discusses just passes by through your ears.

Your fingers gripped around your pen tightly and loose and tighten again and again in the moment of being filled with worrying bits, at least is is for you. It's difficult not to fall on your head on the table and try to bear away what's been stirring you for a bit of awhile now.

How could you even begin to explain what you're going through. Maybe it's normal. Maybe it's too early.

And it is normal. But it is too early.

Yet, God....like again, how could you not be in the state you're in--when the two of you have been nothing but lovesick fools. When he's been someone so, a man you never dared to wish for.

You've lost count how many times you drifted far off from replaying memories in a loop.

The first time you stepped into his home, it was one what would expect for a man like him. A home out of a novel. Grand but mirrored familiarity. You were glad for him to have seem that he knew of the warm little things that makes life big before he met you.

That's what it seemed. If one would only look once and flat, they'll only see how he presents himself; gray. And a big part of him is, his life and what makes him he.

Figurines of what a home is to fill the spaces.

And then along came you to be the muse of his colorful but now he realizes--empty canvases.

There never seemed to be a missing piece even when he seeked out to satisfy his flesh. Even when you arrived in his life only for both of your indulgence. There never was.

Until his heart wanted itself to be given to you. Until he offered and you accepted it. He found there were endless crevices that could be filled more beautifully.

To see you free roaming in his home. To have you in his arms, laying back against his chest as you read a book, with him savoring the rest he can have with you, free from the confines of his work for a while.

The sun beaming through the windows while the wind flows against the curtains. The shine of the sun on your brown skin, the specks of dust he sees from the light, every little marks and dots of hairs on your arm. With him holding you as he beholds all those; he's frozen in time. And what he'd give to capture every moment. To let it flow endlessly.

It doesn't need to be said, it's in all of it already anyways--at least not yet. One would say there's the kind of rush in the beauty of just letting it be.

Though how long? How long until it can be sees as not too early?

How much more walking through it to be enough?

A few times you two have been in the café you're now in to study, to wash yourself away from the distractions. Him, who else.

Though it's been less than ten minutes of being in the place, after being in the queue and now that it was your turn to order. The cashier already familiared of you, has a little smile, almost barely showing but it's a knowing one--and when you felt a presence behind you, she laughs.

Widened eyes as you recognized the scent of a perfume, the way those arms encircled around you, the squeeze of fingers to the side of your stomach. His voice. " Angel. " He greets sweetly with a kiss on your cheek.

You couldn't find your words, too abashed at his sudden presence, let alone in public as you both stand in the line, let alone the fine man holding a boquet in his other hand as he holds his woman. "Let's go." He says before you could even protest, he's already given an ample of money for someone who didn't buy anything, he's already got your things from the table you're supposed to be--he's already had you sitting in his car.

"I'm supposed to be studying." You spoke at last.

"I know." he only chuckles. "But I missed you." He simply adds as he leans close you, a hand delicately firm on your cheek to kiss your lips. The thick presence of his perfume dizzying against the vibrant scent of the flowers--to the way he drowns you with kisses.

How unfair.

And how cliche it is. You hadn't thought Nanami would have ever pulled the kind of act, In the library, among the aisles of bookshelves, you're pinned back against a shelf as he kisses you. But then again he has fucked you more than enough times in the campus.

You couldn't say it wasn't adorable that he asked for this. His office was a building away from where you're both in as he's to lecture in a few minutes and you to attend your own classes, so that is where you ended up; making do in the library for a mere time of kissing.

"This is risky." You uttered in haste the second you both stepped in the quiet facility, to which he only hushed with another one of his, 'I know'

Next thing you know, he's hovering tall in front of you, one of his arm laying against the shelf, the other on the side of your face. "Hi." He breathes. There's no smile on him. How is it possible his eyes says otherwise.

"Hi." Nothing from your voice but just a gentle mouth of the word, a mere smile painting to be wide.

Then it slowly fell as his thumb grazes on your lips. "Let me kiss you." he still utters those kind of words. Never fails to take your breath each time.

Resolve melting away every time.

The last one recently, one which is all too vivid in your head--was the last straw to have enable all the want for more.

It was the morning of Sunday when Nanami called. yourself fresh from breakfast and was just about to wash the dishes. He tells it was Gojo who planted the idea in his mind just last night from their usual night out to drink, and he himself wasn't opposed to said idea--he liked it, really. Despite he wouldn't credit Gojo too much for it, of course. A dinner later in his home, that is. With the two men and their children.

How could you say no?

You were too happy to prepare and cook all those dishes with him in his kitchen before the night arrives. Amidst a few conversation about Gojo and Geto, their children as well, the conversation went to a boy named Yuuji.

The said boy whom Nanami has invited for later. Telling of the little story as you continue all the work in the kitchen,

Evident that the man is very fond of the boy. Spoke of how Yuuji's late grandfather was the owner of the flower shop he sometimes go to before you both happened, the said boy taking over after while still studying along in the same school and class with Megumi. Spoke of how a good kid he is. Spoke of how the boy told him that his grandfather would have liked to meet the woman Nanami has found, the old man would've been over the moon to know the flowers Nanami usually buy for his house now would be for a lover. Spoke of how Yuuji was always thrilled when he walks in the shop, having known it'll be for you. Which all led to him insisting the kid to go for the dinner, telling how he literally brightened up when he heard it.

You couldn't wait for the night to arrive.

But nothing could have prepared you for it.

As some have said, 'no one can prepare you for the love people you love can feel for them.'

All so suddenly your nerves flutter rapidly when footsteps and voices make itself known further. "That would be them." Nanami says with a little laugh following as he wipes his hands with a kitchen towel before heading to them.

Though you only remain standing behind the island, your hands fresh off the powdered sugar from sprinkling them on the now done strawberry cake you made; a dessert for the kids, but of course much more for Nanami and Gojo that your man has told you who has a bigger sweet tooth than anyone else.

Your wandering mind filled with nervousness in those short seconds was abruptly interrupted with adorable loud voices of little girls as they run in the kitchen and around to the dining room. The three professors following after and behind them is who you figured to be Megumi and Yuuji. The pink haired boy must be certainly Yuuji, by his sunshine air and the beautifully arranged flowers he holds, eyes wide with a big smile. Megumi besides him with the jet black hair and cool demeanor he has. The little girls Nanami has told earlier, Nanako and Mimiko who were now running back to the kitchen, towards where you are, little hands reaching up on the edge of the counter and tiptoeing. Loudly delighted with the cake they see.

"They really rubbed off from Satoru." Geto huffs, a mere annoyance in his voice but the fondness in his calm eyes tells so much.

"They're children." Nanami reasons expectedly, the calmest smile on his face, eyes flickering to you. Your heart just keeps on fluttering.

"And I'm your soon to be husband." None other than Gojo speaks as ever proud he is, to which only Geto, Nanami and Megumi rolled their eyes to. You, Yuuji, Nanako and Mimiko however--and despite the little girl's already knows, they have the same look of awe you and Yuuji have. "That's....that's lovely." You speak up softly, wiping your hands clean.

"Congrats." Yuuji barely stopped himself from seemingly shouting.

Then Geto laughs lightly, "Thank you." Walking up to the counter with the bag he holds, delightfully reeking of a savory scent, Gojo as well with two bottles of expensive looking alcohol. "I asked him just last night--" he begins with a wide grin but was cut off by his fiance. "Barely. He was too drunk when he did." Geto scoffs as he takes out a food container from the paper bag. "I had to get hammered, I was too scared!" Gojo protests as he pop opens the one bottle of alcohol and looked for glasses.

"He couldn't have done it normally despite feeling so." Nanami chimes in simply as he starts to set up the dishes on the table, making Gojo just following him across the dining room with the glasses now on his hands, his own already filled as he goes with his mouth.

Leaving you with Geto as the two boys goes there as well, lightly playing along with the little girls as they converse.

"It's nice to see you again." Geto says while now helping you prepare all the little things for dinner to begin and go well. "In this kind of setting, I mean." he adds, a light chuckle he makes. Having seen you a few times in the campus, of course, with Nanami secretely or just around. "And I'm glad, by the way."

You nod, abashment about your relationship with their friend almost not there anymore. "The same to you. And I'm glad as well." Happily, you smile.

At last dinner began. If simply meeting them all has had your heart growing so much, you couldn't be more wrong. You were worriedly too happy to be wrong.

That's where you begin to get.....scared.

And how you now find yourself after days and days of contemplating it--standing in front of the door of Geto's office.

Doubts of confronting it plainly gone, you were just aching to let it all out, but not yet to the man himself, so instead it's Geto. You think it's only fitting for you to go to him.

Sighing almost tiredly, you then knock on the door, when you walk in and he's met by you. He just lightly smiles and nodded for you to go in. You sit on the chair across from him where he's still on his laptop, as your eyes are nowhere on particular, gathering the bare strength to speak it out at last--he just waits for you speak, having already as expectedly guess what the subject will be or rather who about.

You breathe deeply as your head turns away before it goes back to him.

"I think I want to marry Kento."

Geto's focus stops, fingers typing away on a sudden halt, gaze now to you and eyebrows raised, "Ah." His very mere shock fades slowly into a small smile.

"Yeah," you let out barely, lolling your head to the side. Your ears at last hearing those words, it suddenly feels ridiculous. But the arrow has already been shot in you. Too much and maddening it is, still you don't want it to go away.

You find yourself then to be unwavering. The resolve finding its permanent stay.

A shaking breath flows out of your mouth, a trembling hand ghosts on your forehead as you look down. "I want to marry him." Never mind your unsteady voice, you want to say it endlessly.

Nostalgia waves pass by Geto with what reveals. Several months ago, Nanami spoke you're the one. His everything. And there you are now with an admission any longing being would dream to hear for their own. He looks at his engagement ring. A few weeks earlier, his lover was clinging to him as he tear up, drunk, asking to marry him, rambling how he wants eternity with him, promising he'll be the bestest father for their children.

He didn't ever think their lives would be this happy, he only hoped.

Geto is wordless to say the least.

His eyes back on you, it's the mellowest you've ever seen on him, mouth opening slowly, it's what he thinks to say then. "Satoru wouldn't be too happy with a double wedding. You know how extra he is--"

A breathless laugh you make in a light disbelief, "I'm serious." You say in exasperation, tears starting to fill your eyes.

Geto just smiles gently, not saying aything. What more could be said when you're just too happy for a friend, to contentedly know that until an end, they won't be alone.

"What are you waiting for?"

Going on with your day after was still as distracting, it wasn't heavy anymore though. You don't remember when was the last time you were excited to see him again without any hesitations.

When you do at the end of the day, in his house, finding rest in each other's warmth, your heart remains to be thrumming of that same thrilling joy when time has allowed you both to be with each other again, that same rhythm of feeling when you first began to have a crush on him.

And in the quietness, you deem it's time to make it known to him.

As he keeps himself cozy with his face buried on your neck, your soft body laying against his chest and in between his legs--gently, you rose from his hold and awaking him in the process. You sit yourself back on the couch as he looks at you curiously, while ever sweetly gentle, your hands still twined as he makes so. So much for how much more.

After all the time of thinking about it, you didn't see the need nor want to beat around.

" I want to marry you. "

How does one even take that in?

You were sure you've never seen your lover lose the composure on his face like that. It's nothing but pleasant.

"Marry me." The bliss in saying it, truly.

And hearing it from you, seeing your smile you evidently keep from widening, the stars in your eyes. You've taken him from his paradise to a place far greater than he would ever thought of.

You've truly taken him aback this time. He hadn't seen you were visioning the same piece as him. It seemed both of you were going through the same dilemma after all. Drowned too deep to have seen it.

You hadn't seen his eyes looking at your ring finger when his hand is entangled to yours, thikning of all the kinds of rings you'd love. How could you have possibly know he's been wishing for you to never leave his house when the night falls, for him to wake each morning with you in his arms, to get up earlier than you and make you breakfast, have and enjoy meals together without looking at the time.

You didn't see what he was painting with his eyes upon dinner that one night. How you light yourself a flame and the kids a magnet to you.

Suddenly when he holds you from behind, his hand yearned to feel a life within you. Voices of little ones echoing pleasantly in his mind. Angels running around his home.

Despite unspoken, unknown; you've been meeting halfway.

Nanami let his lips break into an opened smile, a little laugh breathing out as he tightens his twined hand on yours. "You read my mind."

Your cheeks could already hurt from smiling so much, but couldn't find any words after, you only laid your hand on both of yours, pressing your lips on his knuckles and feel your eyes ache from the tears collecting. Your lover's smile turned gentle as he sees you. " Marry me. " He murmurs. Simply indulging himself in saying it. "I'll marry you. And you of me." He says, returning your kisses on both of your hands.

You feel what he feels when he said them, and he feels what you felt when you answered yes.

Laughter flows in the halls of his home when he takes you in his whole hold once again.

"Satoru wouldn't want a double wedding--"

"I would not dream of being in the same altar at the same time with that man."

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Finally done with this 😭😭😭🗣️🙏🏽 i am so tired. just went to our dance practice for a subject and finished this after and still have to type it all after just writing it on paper as usual😀🫠 but here we are, and back home and still am miserable, ive been so busy with college, and it's midnight here, i have a group reporting tomorrow and i barely studied about it🫶🏼🫂 anyways, i thought of writing my little thoughts about this story, im sorry if it's silly or shit😭

i had nanami in his thirties, while our reader is twenty-five. i hadn't thought of what she's taking, really. i honestly forgot what nanami's expertise is 🤸🏾‍♀️ geto teaches art and field study 1, while gojo is in physics and physical education. they had nanako and mimiko just after they were born, heard from someone they know that the little girls' mother couldn't raise them, so they referred themselves willingly. megumi in an orphanage after the girls have grown. i really wish i involved shoko and haibara😔😔😔😔💔😔💔😔💔😔💔😔 let's just think of them being there. especially in their weddings😁 also while at campus earlier, i randomly chose songs in my playlists to queue and one of them is 'that part' by lauren spencer smith and i realized how this work is fitting for that song 😭💔😭😭😭💔😔😭💔

#starr's creations 🌟🍭#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #nanami kento #nanami kento smut #nanami kento fluff #nanami x reader #jjk smut #jjk fluff #jjk anime #jjk manga #chubby!reader #anime x chubby reader #jujutsu kaisen x plus size reader #x chubby reader #jjk nanami kento

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bisexualfemalemess · 3 months

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BRIDGERTON SEASON 3 PT 2 SPOILERS

Live reaction episode 5:

I’m a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see Penelope’s answer to colin’s proposal but in my head she just straight up faceplanted outta that carriage. On another note, colin constantly looking back at her to check on her is peak protective husband. Colin ‘my wife’ bridgerton indeed. Also Penelope’s so loved by his family and not him being willing to fight Eloise, his own sister, like hold your horses buddy. El baby she’s loved him since you guys were children. Both are honestly valid and i love them both so much, i just need my peneloise besties back right now. Like so expeditiously. Awww, colin checking up on pen. He’s truly already so far gone. I’M SORRY THE TREE???? What the actual fuck???? Lady tilley arnold needs to get the fuck off my screen. I’ve never read the books but booktok and twitter made me love sophie already, i need her. Not pen listening to her family reading LW Lmaoo she seems so smug about it. EY LADY DANBURY HAPPY ABOUT POLIN THEY’RE SO LOVED BY EVERYONE. KANTHONY MY BABIES. MY PARENTS ARE GONNA BE ACTUAL PARENTS STFU. Anthony’s so feral for her 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 aww hyacinth is so excited to tell them about polin’s new engagement my daughter fr. HYACINTH OMG IJBOL NOT HER SAYING GREGORY’S THE FAMILY PET I’MMA DIE. Eloise baby she did not use you, she loves you and you love her so make up bitches. Cressida is so gay for eloise no one can tell me otherwise. OH MY GOD NOT THE BOOK LINE ABOUT HIS LOVE BEING A THUNDERBOLT FROM THE SKY SOMEONE SEDATE ME (might need to make a part two and i’m only 10 minutes in) they’re not even married yet and Benedicts like “your wives” she’s always been a bridgerton for real. PORTIA I AM INDIFFERENT TOWARDS YOU BUT BACK OFF FROM MY GIRLY AND DON’T MAKE HER DOUBT HER RELATIONSHIP. COLINS SO HOT TELLING PORTIA OFF SOMEONE GET ME SOME HOLY WATER OR SOMETHING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. HE’S BEEN WITH HER FOR LESS THAN 24 HOURS AND HE’S ALREADY THROWING AROUND THE L-WORD OH HE FELL SO HARD FOR HER IMMA THROW MYSELF IN FRONT OF A MOVING TRUCK. MIRROR SCENE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ALRIGHT ITS HAPPENING ITS HAPPENING OH HIS SPEECH IMMA KILL MYSELF IM SO SERIOUS. THIS IS PERFECT OH MY GOD, NICOLA COUGHLAN IS A GODESS AND THEIR CHEMISTRY IS SO PALPABLE. “LIE DOWN” THAT WAS SO FUCKING HOT, COLIN BRIDGERTON CAN COMMAND ME AROUND ANY DAY. Sex scene, sex scene, sex scene….TO POV???? Oh, that’s such a beautiful song choice. This is literally so intimate, i feel like I’m intruding. Colin bridgerton is a canon consent man and as a woman i think that’s so sexy. That was the cutest sex scene of my life, cute, hot, awkward, everything a first time is supposed to be (i wouldn’t know🙊) KANTHONY SCENE. HES THE CUTEST ALL KISSING HER STOMACH. Newton and Anthony always beefing. Their so cute 😫😫😫. Awww John and Francesca are so cute as well. Awwww him asking about marriage 😖😖😖. VISCOUNTESS KATE IN ACTION MY BABY GIRL. She’s working overtime being pregnant, viscountess and giving eloise advice. She clocked peneloise’s tea. AWW Post-sex polin is the cutest with the book line too 🥹🥹🥹🥹 and the teasing!!! They’re truly so friends to lovers. NOT HER GETTING INTERRUPTED WHEN SHE WANTS TO TELL HIM SHE’S WHISTLEDOWN. FUCK ASS SERVANTS. Oh poor pen having to listen to her fiancé trash-talk her without knowing he’s taking about her, like i wouldn’t tell him i’m Whistledown either after this, bet. Also they literally have no sense of personal space and it’s too cute. Aww a colin and eloise talk. THEY WERE INSEPARABLE AND THEY NEED TO BE AGAIN SOON OR IMMA DO SOMETHING SO DRASTIC I SWEAR TO GOD. Peneloise as bestie sister-in-law’s is something that i need so bad it’s like not even funny anymore. Penelope’s sister need to leave her the fuck alone and portia needs to leave her ulterior motives at the door even penelope was like what the hell is going on. I don’t really mind will and alice plot honestly they’re just a cute married couple, much like polin will be. OH MY GOD NOT BENEDICT CALLING KATE SISTER IM DYING IM DECEASED. THAT FUCK ASS TOP HAH OH MY LORD. NOT COLIN CALLING PENELOPE HIS BRIDE TO BE 🫠

#bridgerton #polin #season three #fell first fell harder #colin x penelope #colin my wife bridgerton #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #kate sharma #anthony bridgerton #kanthony #creloise #peneloise #bridgerton spoilers #francesca x john #violet x marcus #is that a tag?#well i made it one i guess 🤷‍♀️

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finnsbubblegum · 1 year

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More Than Life (Joel Miller x Reader)

Pairing: post-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: 18+, reference to smut, fluff, sweet joel, protective joel, violence, mentions of cannibalism, age gap (reader is in her 20s and Joel is in his 50s) (lmk if i missed any)

Summary (Series): You were popular in Jackson but you have been single your whole life. Despite many men flirting with you, you have never found your ideal type. Until one day, you saw Joel and you fell in love at first sight. But he felt insecure.

Summary: Pov: You went to join Joel on patrol without his knowledge. Who knows what happens next?

Words count: 2k

A/N: This is part 6 for I Don’t Deserve You series. But it can also be read as a standalone. Hope you like it!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

11.49

You were pacing back and forth in your living room waiting for Joel. 11 more minutes and your birthday would be over. You would be disappointed if you didn’t spend your birthday with him. Birthdays were always a thing for you, especially this was your first birthday since you were dating Joel. But on the other side, you were also worried that something bad happened. Which might be the reason why he was late.

*knock on the door*

You ran to your door and opened it.

“Sorry, I’m late.” Joel was panting.

He looked really tired. You knew he came straight to your house right after patrol. He was full of sweat as he didn’t even have the time to take a shower.

“Thank God you’re here. I thought something bad happened to you.” You jumped to hug him.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” He hugged you tight. You kissed him.

“I-Ugh-I didn’t have the time to take a shower. I’m dirty.” He put his hand behind his neck.

“I don’t care. What matters is that you’re here with me.” You took his hand and dragged him inside.

“I got you somethin’.” He took off his backpack.

“You got me a present?” Your eyes widened. You loved getting presents.

“Happy birthday, darlin’.” Joel took out something from his bag and gave it to you.

“A book? How did you get it?” You wondered.

“Found it at an abandoned house during patrol. Haven’t seen that one on your bookshelf. Thought you might like it. Heard it was a famous one.”

“Jane Eyre?” You read the title and the summary behind the book.

“Interesting. I love it. Thank you so much, Joel.” You hugged him again and kissed him.

“You really need to stop hugging me now. I’m being self-conscious. I’m smelly.” He chuckled.

You didn’t care what he said. Instead, you moved closer to him and sniffed him like a puppy, teasing him.

“Stop it.” He laughed.

“Wish I could go out and find more books.” You started that conversation again.

“I’ll get you more when I go on patrol.” He sighed.

“But I-” Joel cut you.

“We’re not talking about this again. You know what my answer is. The answer is always no. End of conversation.” His expression changed from happy to angry.

You stayed quiet.

“Are we clear?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yes.” You replied coldly.

“Repeat it.”

“Clear.” You rolled your eyes.

You didn’t listen to Joel this time. Instead, you found Liam who was responsible for making the patrolling schedules. You asked him about Joel’s and you applied to join. You told him not to tell Joel as you were keeping this as a secret from Joel. You practiced your shooting skills until it was the day of your first patrol.

“Why are you here?” Joel furrowed his brows.

“I’m here for patrol.” You acted dumb.

“What?” He raised his voice.

You avoided his eyes.

“Did you not remember what I told you? How did you even-”

“Well, it’s too late, Joel. I’m here now. I’ve prepared myself. I’ll be fine.” You insisted.

“Fine. Just stick with me. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

You and Joel rode the same horse. You put your arms around his waist and rested your head on his back. That day, you went on groups with Joel, Noah, and Sam. Noah was the leader for the day.

“Okay, so we’re gonna split here. I’ll go check north with Joel. Sam, you go south with (y/n). We’ll meet here in 4 hours then we’ll go east and west.” Noah commanded.

“I’m sorry, Noah. But (y/n) needs to go with me. I need to keep my eye on her.” Joel added.

“I’m not a kid, Joel. I’ll go with Sam. We’ll meet you here.” You gestured to Sam to ride the horse with you.

Nothing bad happened while you were patrolling with Sam. You wondered why Joel didn’t allow you to patrol. Was he lying to you? You wondered why he wouldn’t let you see the beautiful nature outside Jackson walls.

“Hi there!” Two men suddenly showed up.

Sam stopped the horse. You grabbed your gun and aimed at them.

“We’re not a threat.” The strangers said.

You and Sam got off the horse and talked to them. You tied the horse at the tree.

“Can we help you?” Sam asked.

“Yes, we’re hungry. We have a group with us and we need something to eat.”

“Well, we don’t have food with us now. But we can get you something.” Sam answered.

“Or we can help you hunt here?” You added as you saw they didn’t look like they had any weapons.

“Sure, thank you so much.”

Sam and you walked in front of them and turned into hunting mode. You had never hunted before so you just followed Sam.

*Sam screamed*

You turned to look and you saw the two men stabbed Sam from behind.

“Sam!” You looked at him as he fell to the ground. You grabbed your gun and aimed at the men.

“Back off!” You shouted.

“Easy, pretty girl. We’re not gonna kill you. We need your friend to fill our stomach. But you.. You’re pretty so you can give something else to us.” The stranger smirked.

“Go! Run! Get Joel and Noah!” Sam shouted.

You hesitated to leave him but you knew you couldn’t fight these two men alone. So you ran. Hoping Sam would still be alive when you got back there with help.

“Get her alive!” The stranger shouted at his friend.

Both of them ran behind you to catch you. You ran as fast as you could. Your friend’s life was on the line and so did yours. You ran and got to your horse.

“Come on! Go!” You yelled at the horse and it ran.

You ran north and you were losing them. It was a bit far until you saw Joel’s and Noah’s figure.

“Joel! Joel!” You shouted.

“Did you hear that?” Noah asked Joel.

“What?” Joel was deaf one ear so he didn’t hear you.

“Joel! Help!” Your horse kept running.

“That’s (y/n)!” Noah looked back.

“Fuck!” Joel panicked.

You finally got to them. You immediately got off the horse and ran to Joel’s embrace.

“What happened? Where’s Sam?” Noah panicked too.

“There’s-there’s some men- He’s hurt- We need to save him!” You screamed.

“Hey, hey. You okay? You hurt? Anythin’?” Joel checked you up and down.

You panted and shook your head. The three of you walked towards the south going back to save Sam.

“Oh my God. It’s them.” You saw the two men running near you.

“Stay behind me.” Joel shoved you behind him and got ready with his rifle. Noah did the same.

“My friend here told me you hurt our friend. Where is he?” Noah pointed his gun to the strangers.

“Easy, easy. We’re just here for the girl. Just give us the pretty girl and we’ll give you back your friend.” One of the strangers tried to bargain.

“Joel…” You pulled Joel’s shirt from the back.

He glanced at you for a second and looked back at the strangers.

“That’s not gonna happen.” He growled.

“What? Is she your daughter or something?” The other men scoffed.

“You better be careful of what you say next.” Joel’s blood boils. His grip on the rifle got tighter.

“All of us are men. I’m sure you know what we need. Especially that pretty girl right there has a fucking sexy body. She’s probably a slut that all of you have fucked. Why don’t you share with us?”

You were shaking. You were scared. You just understood why Joel insisted on you not going out for patrol. You should have listened to him in the first place.

“You want to do this the hard way or the easy way?” Joel’s patience was running out.

“What’s that?” The stranger got cocky.

“I’ll let you go if you apologize to her right now.” Joel gave them an option.

“Or what?” The stranger laughed.

“Or this will be a bloodbath.” Joel gave them a death stare.

“Just apologize, man.” Noah was nervous. He knew what Joel was capable of.

“All of this just for the slut?” The stranger laughed.

*gunshot*

Joel couldn’t hold himself. He shot him at the leg. Noah fought the other guy.

“Apologize!” He yelled at the guy and pressed the wound.

“You’re not gonna kill me.” He was still cocky.

Joel shot him again at the other leg.

“Fine! Fine! I’m sorry!” He cried.

“For what!” Joel yelled at his face.

“Sorry for calling you a slut!” He apologized while looking at you.

You flinched when Joel shot him at the head after he apologized. You were trembling and speechless.

“No!” The other guy cried.

Joel's breathing was heavy and he looked to the other guy that Noah was holding. He shot him dead.

“Joel! What the fuck!” Noah yelled.

“Let’s get Sam. Where is he?” Joel didn’t care he killed them. They were threats.

“He-he-he’s there.” You guided Joel and Noah to Sam.

“Sam!” You ran to him.

“You’re gonna be okay. We’re safe now.” You cradled him.

The four of you went back to Jackson and got Sam help. Then you and Joel went home.

*Joel slammed the door*

You flinched. You were avoiding having conversation with Joel since what happened on patrol.

“What the fuck were you thinkin’?!” Joel yelled at you.

Your hands started to shake. You had never seen him like this before.

“I told you it was dangerous! Why are you being so stubborn!”

“I-I’m sorry.” You stepped back from him. Tears welling in your eyes.

“You’re never going anywhere closer to the gate. Ever! You hear me!” He raised his voice.

You nodded as you wiped your tears from your cheeks.

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose, looked up, closed his eyes, and sighed. He took a deep breath in and out trying to calm himself down. Meanwhile, you were just standing there frozen. You were too scared to move.

“Baby, I-I’m sorry.” He apologized.

You just nodded and kept crying.

“Come here.” He stepped closer to hug you but you instinctively stepped back.

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry. I would never hurt you.” He slowly walked closer and hugged you.

“I just-I don’t want you to get hurt. I’ve lost the people I loved and I don’t want to lose one again. I swear on my life, I will never fall in love again. Not after losing Sarah, Sarah’s mom, Tess. Losing someone I love is the last thing I want to have in this fucked up world. But then I met you. You changed me. You make me believe that there’s still hope. Love. Happiness. I will protect you with my life no matter what happens. I love you more than my life. You should know that.” He stroked your head up and down.

You started sobbing and hyperventilating at his words.

“I love you, too.” You mumbled at his chest.

Joel cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead. He looked at you through your eyes as his thumb wiped your tears from your cheeks.

“Are we cool now?” His voice was now softer.

You nodded and rested your head on his chest.

The night carried on with you and Joel having make-up sex in your bedroom.

Joel groaned as he fell on top of you catching his breath. He came inside you.

“Did you just cum inside me?” Your hands were resting on his back.

Joel froze for a second.

“You forgot to pull out.” You repeated.

“Shit.” He got up and sat facing you as you propped yourself with your elbow facing him.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized.

“I mean-You gotta have a lot of sex to get pregnant right?” You needed assurance from him.

Having a child and being a mother was always your dream. That was why you chose to teach kids. But this was not how you wanted to have kids. You didn’t want to have kids by mistake. You wanted to have kids when both partners agreed.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right.” He assured you.

“I’m sorry.” Joel put his hand on his forehead and apologized again.

“It’s okay.”

“You have to tell me if something happens okay?”

“You mean if I get pregnant.” You smirked.

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

“Okay.”

To be continued…

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Taglist:

@nyotamalfoy @stevengmybeloved @happinessinthebeing @angelicbbsblog @aheadfullofsteverogers @mxtokko @bebe07011

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theship-thewalrus · 2 years

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the third time's the charm {1/3}

ser harwin strong x fem!reader

twice you have tried to confess your love to ser harwin, you could only hope the third time's the charm

word count: 853 reading time: around 5 minutes warnings: mentions near-death experience part 2 part 3

1st attempt

Moving through the rushing bodies of the many knights and squires that have gathered on the ground near the tournament. The dress you had decided to wear flows just above the grassy ground that many erected their tents upon. Clutching the leather-bound book close to your chest, you tried to weave through the people without bringing too much attention to yourself. Rhaenyra asked you to bring her a certain book as she awaited the jousting to begin. The young princess's mind was hard to keep on track of at times, always needing something to stimulate her brain. As her handmaiden, it was your duty and honour to aid in her every whim and want.

As you move around you began praying a horse does not crush you or a stray swing of the sword cuts you, knowing how dangerous such a large mass of people can be. The sound of clunking armour and the horses was overpowering. Many squires run back and forth from various tents and weapon racks, just like you addressing their knight's every need. Head cast downwards and eyes trained to the ground you moved swiftly hoping to get back in one peace. Yet in this position, you could not see everything nearby, but you were able to study each blade of grass you passed. You failed to notice the cries of worry and anger, the loud neighs of a horse and its hooves bounding across the ground. Only registering something was wrong, until it was far too late to do anything about it, only being able to pray your impending death was swift and the Gods show you a sliver or mercy. But a hand reached out from the crowd, pulling your body into them and away from the charging horse. Your heart was pounding in your throat and everything sounded so far away yet so close, body shaking uncontrollably from all the adrenaline in your system.

"Are you alright, my lady?" The voice of Ser Harwin Strong filled your ears, a man you found yourself talking with often. The man was always kind to you, at times even going as far as helping obtain whatever Rhaenyra may desire at that moment. Despite trying your best to hide the clear bias you had towards the man, it was clear as day to many people. "...y-yes, thank you." came your shaky reply and small but fake smile, something he had seen right through. Though it was clear to even a blind man that you were not fine, the exact opposite instead. Your mind was still racing at a million miles an hour at what could have happened if Harwin had not been there. Would anyone care that a simple handmaiden lost her life due to a rogue horse? Would people weep for your death or simply move on. Would Rhaenyra even care or would she recruit another handmaiden before your body was even cold?

"You must keep your head up when walking around. Why are you walking around here anyhow?" His soft, but firm voice pulled you from your thoughts and back into reality. Only now did you notice how close the pair of you were, his hands trapping you close to him, keeping you both out of the way of the various other people moving around the area. The book still clutched tightly in your hands was the only barrier between both of you, something you were almost upset about. "Rhaenyra wanted this book, you know how easily she bores" At your words, you tap the top of the book against his broad chest softly and a much more natural smile appears on your face, a similar one mirroring his own face.

"I see, well it seems you need an escort. To ensure no other near-death experiences befall you." Despite rolling your eyes at his words you nod your head, wanting to spend just a few more moments with him. Linking his arm with yours Harwin leads the way, effortlessly walking through the groups of people. People seemed to even move out of the way of the large man, knowing if they did not they would simply be shoved aside. A part of you wanted to speak, to thank him once again for helping you and confessing your feelings for him. Clearly, he felt the same, why would he rush to save you if he didn't? But as a knight, it is his sworn duty to protect those who can not protect themselves. He would have saved anyone, not just you. What a foolish idea thinking it was all about you.

But it seemed just as quickly as your walk began it had ended, not leaving you enough time to make up your mind on what to do before the small trip ended. "I thank you, Ser Harwin. I doubt I would've been able to make it back without some help." You bow your head slightly, a smile on your face and a light pink dusted on your cheeks. In return, he bowed slightly to you as well, a grin on his face "It was my pleasure, my lady."

#harwin strong x reader #house of the dragon x reader #hotd imagines #hotd x reader #ser harwin strong x reader #harwin x reader #harwin strong imagines

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pics-and-fanfics · 2 years

Text

So Annoying

Pairing: Loki x Gn!ADHD-Reader

Warnings: Reader has ADHD! Fluff, people being annoyed by Reader, Tony is a jerk in this one bc he doesn’t accept that ADHD is a real thing (like teachers i’ve had)- Bullying/emotional abuse, soft Loki

Summary: You, Reader, have ADHD. Your best friend Loki helps you deal with all the problems that result from this when he comes back from his week-long mission.

Find my other works here!

You laughed, talking with Steve, lounging on the couch. Your phone lay forgotten on your lap, the book you had been reading still displayed on the screen.

“But Steve, there were more important things going on. Like a war!”

“Howard said there were going to be flying cars by now.” Steve says, the low volume of his voice contrasting with your excited one.

“But the point is-“

“Could you just shut up? I’m tired of hearing you yell all the time, Y/n.” Tony says, walking in. You shut your mouth, looking down at your lap.

“Sorry Tony.” you say quietly.

“There we go! That’s a much more acceptable volume.”

“I’m sorry.”

😔

You sit at the table, trying to listen to Tony. And yet, despite your efforts, your mind wanders. You start tapping your pen on the table, not even noticing what you’re doing.

“Y/N! For Christ’s sake! Either stop tapping that pen on the table or get out!”

You look up at Tony, putting the pen down and putting your hands on top of your lap. “Sorry.” you mutter, your face burning.

😔

“What are you doing? I said we needed to go half an hour ago! How are you still not ready?” You look up at Natasha, seeing she was all dressed up, ready to go.

“What? No, you said that only 5 minutes ago!” you say, checking the time. Oh shit.

“Hurry up! We need to go!”

“Shit I’m sorry! Just give me a minute, I'll be right out!” you say, grabbing your brush and running it through your hair before grabbing your shirt.

😔

“-and I know it’s a problem, but I really just want all the books in the series and I’ve already read the first two, I just need to read the third, but I figured that if I have all three books I’d be able to reread them anytime I want. Oh, that reminds me- I need to go to the library and give them some more books that I know I’m not going to read, but I need to clean out my bookshelves first.

“Oh, but that would take forever, and I know I’m going to stop in the middle of it and entirely forget to do it for weeks. I’m really sorry by the way, I know I talk too much. Okay, I’m going to shut up now.” You shut your mouth, wishing you could just shut up for once. Why did you have to talk so much?

“Thank god, I was wondering when it was going to end. Why do you always have to talk? Blah blah blah, 24/7. It’s so annoying.” Tony says, and you scowl.

“What is your problem with me? I’m getting sick of you berating me, Tony.” you say, turning around on the couch.

“You! You are the problem! You're always talking, your too loud, you always have to make everything about you-”

“Okay first of all-”

“-and what is it with you and ignoring the time? Things need to be done in a timely manner, Y/n. And those ‘overstimulation’ tantrums you throw are so fucking fake!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” you yell, getting up from your seat and walking towards Tony.

“Oh! I don’t? Stop trying to use ‘I have ADHD’ as an excuse. It’s not real.” Tony says, mocking you.

“It is a real thing, dammit!”

“No it is not! Stop making excuses and start trying to act like a mature adult!” Tony yells, getting in your face.

You blink back tears, sniffling.

“Oh here we go again! Stop acting like a baby, you’re not two, it’s not cute, it doesn’t make me feel anything except disappointment for you.”

You wipe your face, turning around and walking to your small apartment in the building, trying to stop yourself from crying. You slam the door shut when you get to your share of the building, and rush to your room, tears falling down your face as you wrap yourself in blankets.

😔

“Darling! I’m back!” Loki says, putting away the last of the groceries. He knew you’d forget to get groceries pretty often, so he usually got you some whenever he went somewhere.

He’d just finished a mission, and tried to call you, but you hadn’t picked up. Three times. It was unlike you.

“Darling? Is everything alright?” Loki looks around, putting the plastic bags in your designated basket for store bags.

Loki frowns, pulling his phone back out. He dials your number, and hears your ringtone coming from the bedroom. He follows the sound, softly knocking on your closed door.

“Darling? Are you in there?”

“Leave me alone.” Your usually happy voice was full of annoyance, making Loki worry even more.

“May I come in?”

“Leave me alone, Loki!” Again your voice was filled with venom, but he heard your voice crack.

You watch as the door slowly opens, light spilling into your room from the hallway. “I said-“

You get cut off when you feel the mattress dip next to you, and Loki’s eyes on you. You cover up your face, embarrassed. You should have gotten over it hours ago. And yet it stung, almost as if Tony had actually hit you.

“I’m fine, Loki.” you mutter, keeping the blankets over your head.

“Darling-”

“Leave me alone, my god!” you say, flopping back into the mattress.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong! Just leave me alone!” You could feel the tears gathering in your eyes, and you wipe them away, frustrated. “Why are you so insistent that something’s wrong? I’m fine!”

“Because you usually can’t wait to tell me about your week, and you're always so excited to see me that your words spill over themselves.”

“God, just leave it be. I’m fine.” Even you didn’t believe it, you heard the tears in your voice, which just made you even more frustrated.

Loki peels the blankets away from your face, the small sliver of light from the open door falling across your face. Your eyes were red and puffy like you had just been crying, probably for hours.

“Darling, please. Tell me what’s wrong.”

In response, you roll over, and Loki rubs your back. When he hears your quiet sniffles, he sighs, getting up. “Do you want some food?”

“Grilled cheese?” you ask, your voice soft. Vulnerable.

“Of course, dear. Come on, get up.”

😔

“Why does Tony have to be such a jerk?” you ask, and Loki puts your sandwich in front of you, a look of questioning on his face.

“What did he do?” Loki asks, trying to contain his anger. If he laid a finger on you-

No. He would let you figure it out on our own, you had told him that you needed to learn to defend yourself, that you didn’t want Loki fighting all your battles.

But still-

“Can I just show you?” Loki looks at you, searching your eyes.

“Of course.” He slowly takes your hands when you offer them, closing his eyes with you.

He watches the events of the last few days unfold through your eyes, feeling everything.

When you open your eyes, you see Loki, anger written on his face.

“I am going to show him just how much-”

“Loki!” He turns back to you and you sniff, rubbing your nose. “It’s fine. See? I’m fine!”

“Darling, you’re not fine. That’s abuse.” Loki says, sitting next to you, watching as you stopped chewing your food.

“I’m fine.” you bite out, annoyed with yourself. You were not going to cry again.

“Either you talk to him, or I will. Darling, this can’t carry on. I don’t want to see him bring you down anymore. That is enough.”

“I will. Just not right now. Can we just watch a movie?”

Loki looks at you, seeing how close you were to crying again, the tears gathering in your eyes as you stubbornly wiped them away over and over.

“Sure. What do you want to watch?”

😔

Well! This is somewhat based (probably like, 25%-30%) on some of my experiences with ADHD, which kinda sucks sometimes.

I hope you guys liked the story, and don't forget to let me know if you want to be tagged in the future! I hope you have a wonderful day!

Also, sorry I haven't been posting, I've just lost all motivation to do anything, I don't even want to watch Youtube. But I'm pushing through! I have exams this week too, so that's fun. 🫥 But yeah. Love you!

@vbecker10 @mochie85 @michelleleewise @fictive-sl0th @silverfire475 @huntress-artemiss @vickie5446 @sheris532 @lokixryss @lokidokieokie @stupidthoughtsinwriting @crimson25 @peaches1958 @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @mybuckynotyours

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xiaosonlybeloved · 7 months

Text

Daydreams~ Soukoku

featuring:- Dazai Osamu x Nakahara Chuuya (bsd) tags:- literally none, just fluff, not proofread at all, college au, so my depiction of college might be inaccurate a/n:- amazing just great im going soft :/ also there will be a part 2 to this, maybe more bc i didnt even get to include the main plot point i had for this fic lmao, anyways probably expect me to disappear again haha

wc:- 1.4k || masterlists

Chuuya hesitantly walks into the campus, hoping he didn’t draw much attention to himself. After all, it was his first year here, and he’d just moved in from another city. The last thing he needed was unwanted attention right in the beginning of the year.

Thankfully, he seems to blend in well with the crowd, and he can easily admire the large campus without being called out for it. A relieved smile rests on his face as he keeps his stuff into his locker, checking his schedule for the day.

When there’s around 5 minutes left for the first lecture, Chuuya goes to head off to class, but instead his books end up clattering to the ground as he violently bumps into someone much taller than him the moment he turns. Annoyed, he steps back to pick up his books, glancing to see the rude person who had been rushing through the corridors so late.

‘Gods, he’s pretty.’ Is the first thought that goes through Chuuya’s mind the moment he sees the face framed in soft brown curls.

“Oh, sorry there, you’re so short I didn’t see you, chibi!” The brunette he just met for the first time cheerfully and mockingly says to him as an apology. Naturally, the next thing that Chuuya thinks is ‘Why the hell is he so annoying.’ The boy was clearly late on the first day, and then he has the audacity to make fun of his height? With such a sorry excuse of an apology when he was the one who bumped into Chuuya? “Oi, what the hell did you call me? I’m not short, you get that? I’m still growing. And keep your eyes and head on the ground, not in the sky, or you’ll take a nasty fall soon.” Chuuya retorts angrily, pushing past the irritating (irritatingly pretty) brunette so that he wasn’t late, unlike a certain someone. Of course though, during his short walk to class, his thoughts were plagued by someone he’d rather not think about.

Thankfully, he was well in time for class, having gotten some time to socialize too. He thinks he’s met some nicer people, who introduced themselves as Gin, Akutagawa and Higuchi. ‘Today might actually be the beginning of some new friendships.’ he thought with a smile as the hall quietened down when the lecturer walked in.

******

The lecturer, Oda Sakunosuke, had just started to get into the flow around 5 minutes later, when the door burst open with a very late attendee. The lecturer doesnt seem surprised. “Ah, sorry I’m late, got held up.” says the person who just came in, searching for an empty seat while Oda continued to speak..

The pretty guy he bumped into earlier? They shared this class?

And just great. The only empty seat in the hall was beside Chuuya, which meant that the only place the goddamn annoying brunette had to sit in was beside him. “Nice to see you again chibi, didn’t know we shared classes.” The brunette, whose name he still didn’t know, whispered to him with a grin as he settled himself, taking out a notebook. “Can’t you shut up for a while? As you can see, I’m actually paying attention, unlike you.” He whispers back, irritated already, taking notes.

“But this is boringg~” he whined softly. Chuuya slowly exhaled, ignoring the tiresome brunette. (He’s trying his best to not look at him- he doesn’t want to end up admiring the infuriatingly charming face on the infuriatingly not-charming personality.)

Some time into the lecture, he finds a torn piece of paper on his desk with something scribbled on it. ‘Damn, his handwriting is pretty too. Unfair.’ Chuuya thinks. The paper reads: ‘Chibiiii, entertain me, I have nothing to do!’ with a dumb emoticon after it. He wrinkles his nose as he writes ‘Not interested, focus on the lecture. Don’t irritate me.’ and passes it back to the brunette.

‘Like I said, I’m bored. I don’t even know your name, chibi. :( ’

‘Not like I care, and stop calling me that, my name is Chuuya.’

‘Hmmm, Chuuya, such a pretty and fitting name for such a short person. Well, mine’s Dazai ’

’Thanks ig, and I’m. Not. Short. You’re just taller than average, which is your fault, Now shut the hell up.’

‘No!’

Chuuya crumples the paper from Dazai and puts it under his desk to throw away later. At least he now has a name to put on the person who seems determined to bother him to death. ‘Dazai’s a nice name though.’

When the lecture ended and the students started filing out in small groups, Oda called him and some others. With a gentle smile, he says, “You’re all new here, aren’t you? For you to get accustomed to the campus faster, I’ll be assigning partners to you all who will be showing you around the campus and helping you out whenever you need. In my class, if there are paired projects, these students will be the one you’ll be paired with, for the sake of convenience. Any questions?” When there’s none, he nods and starts calling out the names. The respective student and their partner head off together then.

When his turn comes, Dazai pops up behind him. “Hello again, chibi Chuuya~ And Oda, I suppose.” Oda ignores him and says, “Dazai, you'll be Chuuya's partner for the year. Don't annoy him or overwhelm him. Get that? If I get any complaints from him, you'll have to deal with me.” “Yes yes Oda, bla bla bla I get that. ” Dazai rolls his eyes, faking an uninterested yawn, and Chuuya again finds himself surprised at his audacity, towards a lecturer no less. “Chuuya, please don't hesitate to inform me if you have any complaints towards him.” Oda tells him, and he nods and Oda dismisses him and Dazai.

Dazai sticks to him like a dumb piece of gum after that. First on the claim of ‘showing Chuuya around’, which was just him showing Chuuya his favorite spots- which were all quite dangerous by the way, like the mostly abandoned terrace with very weak railings that could possibly break at any moment. Then because he ‘didnt have anyone to sit with’ during lunch. So Dazai ended up sitting with him, Gin, Akutagawa, Higuchi, and two of their older friends who were in second year, Kouyou and Tachihara. He already liked Kouyou because she was a redhead too, and Tachihara was surprisingly easy to get along with. Dazai mostly remained silent, occasionally giving his random opinions on something or teasing Chuuya on his height. Why was Dazai so stuck on it anyways? He was still growing! (Too bad he never did-) Naturally, Chuuya angrily responded with his own insults to Dazai's creative ones, while the others merely laughed at his expense.

********

Chuuya always complained about Dazai being a pest and a menace, but if he would be honest with himself, (which he wouldn't) he enjoyed having Dazai around. The annoyingly pretty brunette was amusing to be around as the days passed, and they honestly connected with each other when it came to important stuff. And although he rarely ever contributed to their group projects, which was incredibly infuriating, whenever he did, his inputs were extremely useful. It made Chuuya want to kick him for not doing more, the asshole. Not that he hadn't done that- he often threw light punches at Dazai when he teased him about his height, but nothing much. And they actually had each other's backs, despite all the teasing and punching.

All in all, they were very ripe opportunities for Chuuya to start falling for the brunette. I mean, he already had the first time he saw Dazai, y'know? Just that he kinda kept pushing them away, firmly in denial. By the end of the highly eventful year, even his friends had started noticing it, giving them great blackmail material to use against Chuuya.

Eventually, one random day in the second semester, Chuuya ended up wondering if somehow something would change after the end of the year.

reblogs, comments and votes are very much appreciated <33

#bsd #soukouku #skk #skk fluff #skk fanfics #soukoku fluff #soukoku fanfics #bsd skk #dazai #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd chuuya #chuuya #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #bungo gay dogs #bungo stray dogs fanart

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dr4kenlvr · 2 years

Text

𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍—𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐄!

feat. toman boys [mikey, draken, baji, kazutora, chifuyu, pah-chin & takemitchi] + gn!reader - crack (0.9k+)

request: thanks 😭 so its probably not very unique but i've never seen tokyo revengers escape room fics and im sure it would be really chaotic to get in one especially with the toman first gen boys hehe

nana's note: LMFAOOO i would pay money to see baji in an escape room, i don't think anything could beat that on a comedic level, sorry kei :p !!! also i have like ZERO experience w/ escape rooms so im kinda talking out of my ass—i hope things make sense 🫶 👍

this would genuinely be so, so fucking chaotic i can't even guys LMAOOO

they're all so ready to go and crack the case and escape real fast because "chifuyu's with us, and like, draken too i guess."

"OH, YOU GUESS?" -draken, with a vein bulging out his temple

you and the guys decided that the easiest way to do this was to split up into pairs and look for clues/hints together

here's a breakdown: mikey + draken, pah + mitsuya, kazutora + baji + chifuyu, you + takemitchi

"thank fucking god i'm paired up with mitsuya 'cause my shit for brains ain't gonna do much with kazutora." -pah with a triumph smile

"PAH???? PLEASE??" -kazutora in complete disbelief

"AHAHAHHA—WAIT, SHIT HE'S IN MY GROUP." -baji, with his hair tied up because he's fucking ready

chifuyu is rubbing his temple at this point

"WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM, SHUT THE FUCK UP." -mitsuya with a growing headache

"guys we need to start the clock is fucking ticking!!!" -you, as mikey, draken, and takemitchi are DYING of laughter

the staff have to settle you all down and explain the rules, time limits, and hint system before letting you into the room with a final cheerful 'good luck!'

the group laughs out loud as pah and mikey somberly wave goodbye to the crew, eyes fixed on the door shutting with a loud SLAM and lock

the group of you gape as you walk around the humongous room filled with props and setups that resembled a haunted mansion of an older era - it was quite beautiful really, but something about it made you and takemitchi shiver

first thing everyone noticed, was the huge closet that was locked and required a specific code to undo the chains that held it tightly shut

it was evident that the task was to find out a code somehow, and so each pair began investigating the room

some spoke up when they came across something of mild interest—only to find out it served no real purpose

mikey keeps on mentioning that they should ask for a clue but baji and kazutora claimed they didn’t want to look like pussies just 20 minutes in

a few moments later, chifuyu notices papers sticking out of certain books along the walls; he collects them all and shows his partners to which baji screeches:

“GUYS!!!! THERE’S A BUNCH OF LETTERS HERE!!”

he waves the pile like a flag and kazutora’s jumping up and down in excitement, shaking baji’s shoulders with a grin

chifuyu, who actually found the letters: lmfao k den bitch

the rest of the group huddles together and split up the letters to read

draken suggests that the numbers hidden within the letters are important for the code: “maybe there’s a specific sequence of some kind? each letter has one number.”

mitsuya’s head perks up and he leaves the group to rummage through something at the back—pah is all like “where are you going? wait where are you going, mitsuya please tell me where you’re going.” BECAUSE THIS MF IS SO LOST LMAOOO

“i found this collection of stamps by the coffee table, each one has a number on it but they’re not numerical order” mitsuya says, offering the box to takemitchi’s open hands

he picks each one up and inspects it closely, the stamps were from 1-5 but as mitsuya had mentioned, they weren’t in order

kazutora grabs them out of takemitchi’s hand with a cheeky grin, “MAYBE they correspond with the numbers in the letters?”

he puffs his chest out, before baji slams his palm flat on it with “YEAH, no shit sherlock. it doesn’t take a fucking genius to assume that.”

everyone just bursts out in laughter as kazutora physically deflates and lays on the ground: “fine, then you guys solve it.”

everyone shoots out possible strategies and solutions, but none of them work out every time you attempt to change the numbers

and baji gets so irritated and starts complaning like "god damn this shit is so hard it's making my ponytail fall apart" LIKE WHAT???

then there's pah: “BRO MY ASS HURTS LIKE HELL!”

“??? then stand up ????” -draken and mitsuya

“WHY WOULD I STAND UP WHEN YOU ARE ALL SITTING DOWN, I’M APART OF THIS TOO.”

you laugh, shaking your head at your friends

but you also find yourself getting increasingly irked as time ticks by

“uhhh you sure we’re not missing something?”

“i don’t know! why don’t you go ask an expert, idiot?”

“EXACTLY!” mikey yells, “let’s ask an expert,” he winks, signalling with his head to the big, bright red clue button on the wall

“it wouldn’t hurt right?” he scrunches his nose, trying to work his so-called adorable looks on the rest of the group

everyone looks around, and no one lets out a single complaint

mikey squeals as he stands, sauntering over to the other side of the room

and just as he raises his hand to press on the button, a loud alarm calls:

“TIME LIMIT REACHED, ESCAPE FAILED. YOU MAY NOW EXIT UPON STAFF INSTRUCTION.”

THE LOOK ON EVERYONE’S FACES IS JUST FUCKING (⊙⊙)(☉_☉)(⊙⊙)

I CAN NOT

everyone is just sitting down like a bunch of ducks staring at the door which is about to open

“WAIT WHAT THE FUCK? NOOOOO—”

“hi everyone! hope you enjoyed playing, you may now exit and grab your belongings from the cubbies outside. please come and try again next time!”

ya’ll just fucking walk out like a bunch of sad children who couldn’t prove themselves smart enough despite having NINE PEOPLE AHFHADFJSD

“wow that was so fun, so uh can we get food now please i’m starving.”

“MIIIIKEEEY!!!!” -everyone

sigh, maybe go to an arcade next time or something <3

taglist: @dai-tsukki-desu @kazuhoya @gwynsapphire @sscarchiyo @reiners-milkbiddies @smileyswifeyy @bontensimp-blog @thisbicc @megumisemo (send me an ask or dm to be added!)

reblogs and comments are very appreciated!

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slow-burn-sally · 10 months

Text

My Favorite Characters with ADHD

Again, these are only my opinions.

Jeremy - The Secret Of NIMH. Come on. Look at him. He is a combined-type ADHD boy if ever there was one. Distracted, clumsy, impulsive, I bet the writers either had ADHD, knew someone who had ADHD, or had a child with ADHD.

2. Newton Geiszler - Pacific Rim.

Also impulsive as fuck, a class clown, obnoxious, yet obnoxiously smart, and somehow still charming as fuck. He reads very ADHD to me. BB. Forgive me for using the meme gif. It's just so good.

3. Rose Nylund - The Golden Girls

Who doesn't love Rose? She's friendly, sweet, fun, creative, horny, and hilarious. She also can't remember anything for more than five minutes, and is the human equivalent of a small, cute dog who bumps into things a lot by accident. I love you Rose. Long live Betty White.

4. Sherlock Holmes (The Jeremy Brett Granada-Holmes).

I actually think Holmes may have had both ADHD and Autism, but really, Brett's Holmes is bombastic, impulsive (seeing a trend), able to hyperfocus at the speed of light. Overshares, blows up friendships. Cannot keep a clean flat. Hyper as all get out. Think about it.

5. Nadja of Antipaxos - What We Do In The Shadows

She's a hot mess. Distracted, forgetful, intensely interested in some things, and cannot be bothered to give a flying fuck about other things. Out of sight, out of mind. She's probably also AuDHD actually, but for the purposes of this list, I will draw your attention to her many impulsive and rash decisions surrounding her emotions, and her over the top RSD. She's so beautiful, help.

6. Jonathan Strange - Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell.

Oh my god such an ADHD boy! He cannot sit still, and he has no patience for rules or regulations. He's self centered, impulsive (hello!), running off on the King's Roads, and drinking mouse juice to make himself go mad on purpose. Failing at four careers before finally becoming a magician by absolute accident. I love you Johnty. Never change.

7. Cornelius Hickey (or whatever his real name is) - The Terror.

He's impulsive (aye-oh!), makes sudden, rash decisions, is prone to flashes of anger, has off the charts RSD, and though he manages to hyperfocus on sabotaging the expedition for his own needs, he still makes a lot of careless mistakes and fucks it up royally. Too bad one of his hyper-focuses wasn't "learning about ships". I love you Hickey, you adorable bastard. How is his hair always so good?

8. Back to JS&MN for Christopher Drawlight.

Christopher Drawlight cannot sit still to save his life. He's always being charming, chatting people up, and making social connections, both real and fabricated by himself. Only sometimes, he loses track of which lies he's told, and to whom, which gets him in a lot of trouble. His hyperfocus is social status, and he can't let it go, even at the bitter end. He's really one of my favorite characters, even if he is a horrible person. This goes for both book and show Drawlight, by the way. Both top notch. Both ADHD as fuck.

9. Dory - Finding Nemo.

I mean... do I have to say anything else? I don't think I do. I love Dory so much. I relate so, so much. Inattentive ADHD Fish Sister.

10. All versions of Doctor Who, but Tenant is becoming iconic, and I love him, so let's go with number 10!

Just an all around hyperactive ADHD guy. Fun, creative, adventurous, risk taker, IMPULSIVE (it doesn't end). But really, all Doctor Whos feel ADHD to me. There's something capricious and clumsy and dreamy and jumpy about all of them.

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haecien · 1 year

Text

I found this cool prompt generator for ships! If ya want the link its here

6/13

fluff, streamer wonu au 775 words 4,177 characters

Link to the masterlist

Jeon Wonwoo

" Thank you everyone for watching another episode of Gam3 Bo1! I stream weekly so stay tuned for the next stream! " Wonwoo removed his headphones and stopped the stream and looked around to find you looking at him

" Do you need anything? " he tilted his head a bit looking at you curiously. " Nooo, you just look so cute. I don't know how I y/n l/n was able to get together with my favorite streamer of all time! ~ " you said teasingly at your boyfriend.

You both met through a Discord server of a mutual friend, you both quickly became friends. Eventually after months of chatting you decided to get together, both of your fans quickly grew fond of your relationship, you both had a few dating rumors even before your first collabed stream.

All of your fans have been eating off tiny crumbs of your guys interactions.

Whenever you didn't have a stream planned nor felt the mood to open up your pc and start playing god knows what you decide to watch Wonwoo who streams regularly, You get happy whenever anyone in his chat asks about your relationship, He looks so eager to respond too.

" I'm going to get water downstairs, wait here for me okay? " you nodded as he gave you a little peck on the forehead as he headed downstairs.

You decided to scroll on your phone for a bit while waiting for your boyfriend to return,

He was taking too long, it's been 5 minutes he should have came back up earlier. You heard a loud thud from downstairs, you jumped a bit, then realized something might have happened to Wonwoo.

you rushed down the stairs to see Wonwoo on the floor holding his ankle, " Love are you okay! What happened? " He looked like he was in so much pain, " I'm fine, I think I sprained my ankle. " he tried to reassure you everything was fine but that just made things worst.

" Are you kidding me! We have to go to the hospital, what if you broke something else! We need immediate help!! " you panic frantically, Wonwoo looked at you and sighed " I promise lovely, I'm alright. But let's go to the Doctors to be safe, alright? " You nodded.

You waited impatiently for the doctors results, nervously bouncing your leg. You fidgeted with your phone or whatever you have with you. The doctor came back with not a very pleased face, You quickly got up to ask him about your boyfriend. " Well, Luckily he didn't get any other major injuries during the fall. " you let out a sigh of relief but, your relief soon left.

" But, He had badly fell on his ankle. He will not be able to go home for a few days since he needs to be monitored. But, you may be able to go home and get his essential needs since he will be staying here. " -------------------------------------------------------

You took a peek inside of the room where your boyfriend is staying at, he seemed disappointed at himself. " Wonuuu... How are you? " you called out to him, he lightened his expression recognizing your voice. " Y/n, you're here. Sorry if im troubling you by asking you to watch over me... "

You placed down his stuff on a chair and went over to his bed, "I completely volunteered myself for this, I'll take good care of you. " you cupped his face and planted a little kiss on his forehead.

Days have passed by and Wonwoo still looked sad, you tried your best to cheer him up. But something still felt off.

You went out for a bit to buy a few things, while walking you passed by a office supply store. There were these cute markers which caught your attention, you immediately went in to see if they still had some in stalk,

" Thank you very much and come again sometime! " "Thank you too! " you walked out very happily, " I hope Wonu likes this. "

-------------------------------------------------------

You knocked on the door telling him you were coming inside, you opened the door to see him reading a book silently. He still seemed sad, you hoped this would cheer him up,

" Wonuu~ I got something for you! " you showed him the plastic bag, he was confused but he took the bag anyways. " Markers? " you nodded your head " Yep! Your cast looks a bit boring... why not decorate it a bit? "

Wonwoo put down his book and smiled at you, god you missed that smile of his. It felt nice finally cracking him up after him being all sulky for almost the entire week, " Can you give me a marker too? I want to draw too "

-------------------------------------------------------

Cien rambles

THIS IS LONGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE OH MY GOD????? Updates will be kinda slow I'm kinda busy huhu

Also... I did doodle the cast of wonwoo caus pinterests results were kinda goofy

#cienlvrs #seventeen #seventeen fluff #svt imagines #seventeen imagines #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #svt fanfic #svt wonwoo #wonwoo #svt

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loveandthings11 · 9 months

Text

How Deep My Love Goes, Chapter 13

Read on AO3 Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11 Ch 12

Very Tall Somethings

Fic Summary: A Kenrava-focused fix-it alongside canon 💗

Chapter Summary: Hunting and Safe Room, redone. Or, the story of Kendall and Rava's chaotic Christmas week. Kendall tries different tactics to get Logan to agree to save Vaulter while trying to stay apprised of goings-on within the company from afar. Rava is terrified when an active shooter situation hits Waystar with Kendall inside. The incident causes Kendall to struggle with his past demons and to try to reconnect with Shiv. Kendall and Rava exchange Christmas gifts and see how much they mean to each other.

On December twentieth, Kendall lies on the couch in the great room and stares up at the ceiling.

“I-I mean, he didn’t mean that, right?” he asks for the fourth time since his call with Logan yesterday. “That was nothing? He wasn’t really offering it to me when I turned it down. Was he?”

“Mind games…” Rava says absentmindedly as she turns the page of her book in a nearby chair.

“Yes, mind games! Fucking- manipulation, yeah? He’s always done shit like that. What- what do I even do with that?”

She can feel his chaotic energy.

“Have you considered calling HR?” Rava says drily.

“Uh-huh. Okay. They’re all at the fucking corporate retreat in Hungary doing God-knows-what with the company-“ he looks at her eyes running across the page. He’s more stressed by the day not to be able to attend any management meetings right now and it couldn’t be clearer that she doesn’t want to hear about it anymore. “Whatever. I need sunflower seeds.” He gets up and goes to pace in the kitchen as he pours the bag into his mouth.

She tries not to look at him while he’s doing it because she knows what that means. He walks back and forth and looks around.

“You know what? I’m gonna be in the gym,” he says as he walks down the hall toward it.

“Twice in one morning?” Rava asks.

“That was floor stuff, weights. Now it’s cardio. Why, you don’t want me too ripped?” She lets him turn the substitute addictions into a joke. Whatever works.

“No,” she laughs. “Go get ripped. That’s…. great.”

“You laugh now,” he says. “You’re not gonna be ready.”

“Oh, I’ll be ready,” she nods sarcastically. “You should go back to drawing, or music. You used to do more art.”

“Uh- yeah. I did. I should. Just- yeah, I’m going to work out right now.”

He flashes her a smile and walks away. When he comes back in the room she looks over his ever-so-slightly mussed hair. He locks eyes with her.

“Yeah?”

She raises her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side as she chuckles. It doesn’t look like he was going too crazy with the workout, but she does like what she’s seeing. She notices a grey smudge on his hand and nods at it.

"What is that?" she asks. He looks down at it.

"Oh, it's nothing. From the treadmill I guess."

“Okay... well, you are looking good.”

“Feeling good,” he says. But he sounds like he’s trying to reassure himself. “I haven’t heard from Roman in a couple days,” he says.

“Well, there’s probably not much privacy in jail- I’m sorry, the retreat. I always get those mixed up,” she returns.

“Right.” He heads to the shower and, after fifteen minutes, enters the room and starts pacing again. She looks up from her book.

“You’re making me nervous. Come sit down!” He goes to sit down next to her and she watches his foot bounce.

“I’m gonna text him again,” Kendall says with worry in his voice. He types out a message.

Rome. You gotta give me something, man.

He taps his fingers on Rava’s thigh as he looks at the screen. After a couple of minutes, Roman sends a text with a news screenshot and accompanying message.

Preview of an article Karolina sent us. Merry fucking whatever. You’d better not forget this.

Kendall looks at the screenshotted headline and gives a little smile at his screen.

Waystar Royco subsidiary Vaulter lives to fight another day; President Lawrence Yee stays in role under embattled Waystar CEO Logan Roy’s leadership.

“Roman saved Vaulter,” he says out loud in disbelief. “I’ve seen this kind of thing, though. It’s just a temporary extension for now, but it’s a start.”

Rava smiles.

“Good Christmas present,” she replies. “Speaking of which, it’s about time to do the finishing touches on the tree now that you can breathe again. Only a few days til Christmas! You know the kids are going to be ready for holiday stuff.”

“Yeah, for sure.” He pauses a second. “I feel kinda fuckin’… bad that we’re not going to my mom’s. She always wants us to go and Shiv would never do it, but Roman wanted to too. Maybe next year? Or can we- could we go see her next month or something? I just- you know, things were actually good with us at the wedding. It was kind of weird. But, yeah, good.”

“Yeah. Sure, we can go see your mom. Whenever you want.”

Kendall nods and gets up to go to the kids’ rooms to coax them out with promises of hot chocolate and ornaments as Rava looks through the boxes of decorations the staff had been taking out earlier to find the last bits of tree decor. Kendall and Rava have always done this part themselves.

Rava shows Kendall a ceramic ornament they’d bought at a Christmas market in Belgium in one of their first holiday seasons together. The little red frame says Merry Christmas in green and features a sweet picture of 24-year old Kendall and Rava with big smiles on their pink faces pressed together. Kendall’s first Christmas free of his family had been one for the books.

Kendall looks at it and wordlessly returns her look of love. He takes his phone from the glass coffee table and walks the few steps over to her, bending down to her and putting his cheek on hers before taking a quick picture of them smiling once more. Rava nods at the picture and gives him a grin.

“We’ll get a new one made to match,” he says.

“Love that,” she says.

…..

On December twenty-first, Roman calls Kendall.

“Hey, fuckface,” Roman starts. “I’m so hungover I might kill myself.”

Kendall doesn’t know if this is about to be an alcoholic joke or if Roman really just called because he would understand.

“Uh, okay. Well, I’d go throw up and pour yourself an Irish coffee, always worked for me,” he says sardonically to head him off at the pass.

“No. Jesus. I’m not drinking at least until this afternoon.”

“Solid restraint.” Kendall wonders for the millionth time why he’s the only sibling who got the addiction gene. “How was last night? Little bit of corporate trauma bonding?” he asks, stretching out on the couch and enjoying the fact that he spent last night sipping hot chocolate by the Christmas tree while the kids watched Elf.

“You missed a fantastic round of Boar on the Floor. De-licious. Got it all on film, I’m gonna watch it and jerk off later.”

Kendall massages his forehead.

“Jesus. First of all, delete that immediately- or, actually, send it to me and then delete it.”

“I don’t share my porn stash,” Roman says.

“Bro. Seriously. That kind of abuse of power could help our case.”

“Your case. I’m not fucking over Dad. Why do you want it, are you giving it to the biographer? Because Dad will know it’s you.”

Kendall sighs.

“No. I- I mean I got a call, but I didn’t return. Didn’t you get a call?” he asks.

Roman’s quiet before he responds.

“Yyyyeah, of course I did. I’m the most important one.” He changes tone. “But seriously, Dad’s fucking paranoid right now. Someone talked. He doesn’t trust anyone. He’s being… you know. Scary.” He switches back to being cavalier. “He’s gonna find out who it is and it’s gonna be sweet punishment time.”

“Well. It’s not me. But if he wants to know who’s got motivation to talk shit about him, he should look to literally anyone else he’s talked to in the last twenty years.” Roman makes a hurt face and Kendall can practically see it through the phone. “Dude, it’s- it probably won’t even go anywhere. Don’t worry about it. But- yeah. Try to stop people from talking if you can.”

“Why would you want to stop them? You hate Dad,” Roman mumbles.

“I- I don’t- come on, bro. You know that’s not true. It’s tough with us, though.”

“Whatever. This isn’t your ridiculous therapy time where we talk all about how you want to fuck and/or kill our parents and possibly our sister, although you should know she’s mine.”

Kendall rolls his eyes.

“Did he make you play Boar on the Floor?” he asks. The protective older brother in him comes out no matter how annoying Roman is to him.

“Of course not, Dad loves me, Ken. Not something you would understand, but-“

“He never made me play either.” It’s true, but there was always a present threat to both of them at retreats. “Well- good,” Kendall finishes.

“Frank’s here,” Roman says angrily. Kendall feels a momentary pang.

“Yeah? How is he?”

“Being a corporate cock-suck like always. My fucking babysitter.”

“Frank knows what’s doing,” Kendall says. He’s glad Frank is back on at the company, but he misses his guidance. He’s a little envious that Roman is getting the advice he wants. He wonders if he could get Frank on board with his side.

“Ugh. This godfatherly love thing is annoying. Dad’s only bringing him back so he can suck up to the Pierces.”

“The Pierces?” Kendall asks in disbelief.

“Oh, fuck,” Roman laughs. “You didn’t know about that? Man, you are out of the loop.” Kendall squirms at his brother’s glee.

“What do you- Dad’s going after them again? This is his solution. Old tech again.” His mind starts running and he makes a note to text Sandy and Stewy right after this call ends.

“I didn’t tell you that!” Roman exclaims, partially regretting having the shared the information. Kendall can tell how he’s feeling.

“I would’ve found out anyway,” he informs him.

“I guess.”

Kendall decides to change the subject.

“You, uh, see Connor’s video?” he asks.

“Giving away all our secrets to never paying any taxes. Idiot. I mean- love him and his desperate ploys for attention- obviously- but, like, perhaps he shouldn’t be making a joke of our last name?”

“Yeah, thought that was your job.” Kendall sends the rare jab his way.

“Fuck you,” Roman spits back. But he has another thing to discuss. “Um… hey, what do you think of Gerri?” he asks.

“What- Gerri?” Kendall asks. “You mean, like, is she trustworthy? I mean, yeah. She’s all in for Waystar.”

Roman scrunches his face and runs his hand through his hair.

“No, I know, I mean, uh… like as a… human woman? Did she and Dad ever…”

“Fuck?” Kendall chuckles. “I dunno. Maybe. She seems like she’d tell him to go to hell though. Not exactly a warm and fuzzy, fuckin’… take you to bed type.”

“Well, you don’t know. You don’t know her.”

Kendall’s confused by Roman’s sudden defensiveness.

“Why are you asking me this?”

“I don’t- nothing. No reason, I just want to know if she’s trustworthy.”

“Okay.” Did I not just say that? Kendall thinks. “Well, yeah.” His interest is piqued by the questioning. “Why’d you think of that, her and Dad?”

“I don’t know, nothing. She’s just… you know, she was probably hot, once. I should’ve hit on her when I was, like twelve. That would’ve been saucy.” He swirls his finger in the bowl of grapes next to him and doesn’t eat any.

“Dude, what the fuck,” Kendall half-laughs.

“I don’t know. Whatever.” He sounds defensive again and Kendall is more amused by the second.

“Are you trying to fuck Gerri, bro?”

“No, gross, fuck you. She’s, like, efficient. And old. Fuck off. And text me what pills Dad’s supposed to be on.”

“Uh- okay. He- he said I would know?” Kendall’s surprise is evident in his voice. He feels a brief warmth in his chest followed by anxiety that he might never get to experience the closeness he craves with his dad in person again. But he reminds himself that this is a good sign for the future.

“Yeah, don’t get excited. He won’t trust anyone he hires. Thinks they’re all gonna send the list of meds to Michelle Pantsil for the book.”

“Wow. Sure, I’ll- I’ll send you the list.”

“Ugh, just do it, don’t make it a big deal. See you whenever.”

Roman hangs up and Kendall is left with a moment of mixed emotions before refocusing and sending a text to Sandy and Stewy.

Dad’s going after Pierce. Good news. He has no real option if his only plan to get the company even more bloated. Just wants an excuse to chase the old dream. No chance Nan Pierce lets this happen.

Rava pokes her head into the office.

“Are you working?” she asks.

“No- that was Roman, but I think he just called to catch up, actually.” Kendall surprises himself as he realizes that is exactly what just happened.

“Oh?” He’s not the only one who’s surprised.

“Yeah, I think, uh, I guess Dad wanted him to ask me about his pills.” Kendall can’t help but smile a little bit.

“Really?” Rava asks hesitantly. “And that’s- a good thing…?”

“Yeah. That’s a good thing.” He looks at her and gets up to hug her. “Let’s go sit by the tree before the kids go to bed.”

Rava already has had Christmas music playing for the kids, who are inspecting every wrapped present under the beautiful, towering tree.

Kendall notices Sophie subtly peeling back the wrapping paper on the corner of a present addressed to her.

“Uh-uh, Soph. Santa can see that,” he scolds. She looks shocked to have been caught and stares up at him.

“Tell him I didn’t do it! You know the president!”

Rava puts her hand over her face for a moment.

“Santa is more powerful than the president,” Kendall says seriously. “Up, away from the tree. You’ll unwrap it in a few days.”

Iverson looks concerned and Rava goes to smooth his hair.

“Don’t worry,” she reassures him. “Santa knows you’ve both been good this year. That’s what really matters. It’s time for bed now.” The kids groan. “Up, up, up,” Rava continues. “The faster you go to sleep the faster you get to Christmas!”

They stand up and Sophie runs ahead of Iverson, who looks over his shoulder at the festively lighted tree and the many perfectly wrapped boxes underneath it.

Kendall and Rava savor the moment of wonder and innocence and she sits next to him on the couch and leans into him. He kisses her head and they gaze at the glowing tree together.

…..

On December twenty-second, Kendall is at Waystar. He’s here to save Vaulter and he can’t do that without talking to his dad. But he won’t answer the phone and his assistants are denying Kendall at every turn. So here he is. The only way was to come in person. He sits nervously at his desk waiting for any sign that Logan is back on the floor so he can make sure his acquisition isn’t going anywhere. It’s proof he deserves to be here. He glances over to Logan’s office. In there. Heads turn at the sight of him looking out at the floor. He feels self-conscious but strangely proud. They all look away once they've been caught. They've been staring all morning. He bites a nail.

Jess walks into his office. “Hey, Ken?”

He's startled out of his nervous haze and looks up. “Yeah?”

“It’s Rava.”

They exchange the briefest of moments. She hasn’t said that in years. Even though it’s been a few months now, he still gets the rush of remembering she’s calling because she wants to talk to him, not because she’s mad or just to coordinate the kids’ schedules. For a while, it had sent shots of anxiety through him to talk to her- another opportunity to fuck up. But not anymore. He smiles.

“Oh. Yeah, of course put her through.” She turns to go. “Jess- can you just- always put her through.”

She nods with a tiny smile.

“Yeah.”

He picks up the office phone.

“Hey.”

Her voice is honey sweet.

“You didn’t text me back.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah, hang on.” He picks up his phone and reads her latest message. He thought nothing could scandalize him but he’s been proven wrong.

“Wow. Uh… are you going to act that out later, or-?”

“Maybe. How’s everything going? What are the guys saying?”

He’s still looking at the text and now he really doesn’t want to admit that he might have a colossal failure on his hands.

“I- I don’t remember, I’m a little distracted.” She laughs.

“Tell me!”

“It, uh, it- it’s not… great. But I’m figuring it out. I’ll have it by tonight. I will.”

“I’m sure you will.”

“I will.”

It’s like he doesn’t know anyone he doesn’t have to convince.

“I know, Ken. You don’t have to prove it.”

He takes a breath.

“Right, yeah. Okay. I have to go but, yeah, I’ll text you back.”

“Okay.” She knows when work’s not going well, nothing is right in his world. She sounds disappointed and he can’t let that happen either.

“Hey- it’s- it’s five hours til I’m home.”

She can hear him trying and she sighs dramatically.

“Suuuure it is. See you at midnight.”

“I’m coming home at 7:00.” Knowing he’s going home to her makes him feel like he can do this.

“You’ll at least come home before you have to go to some other thing tomorrow, right? I mean, you have to change?”

“Okay. Yeah. See you at 5:00 AM,” he deadpans.

“Ken!”

“I’ll see you at 7:00. Seriously. Maybe we’ll go out.”

“For breakfast? When you get home in the morning?”

He shakes his head.

“Yes. For breakfast. Okay. I have to go save this company now.”

“God, I love how important you are.” He rolls his eyes at the sarcasm but he can hear her smiling and he loves it.

“Bye.”

There’s a tentative knock on the glass and Kendall looks up to see Greg nervously standing at his office door. His voice is muffled as he calls through the glass.

“Uh- hey- hey Ken. Can I come in and talk to you?” He smiles awkwardly. “For a just a- a min? A sec of fam time?”

Kendall’s feeling generous.

“Sure, Greg. Come in,” he calls back. Greg swings the door open.

“H-hey, cuz! What’s up on the anti-corruption, you know, the anti-Roy train?” he attempts.

Kendall gives him a small smile.

“Just anti-corruption. And anti-dictator behavior. What’s up, Greg?”

“Uh, well, you know, just… hangin’ with the fam on the private- private planes and livin’ that high life. I mean, not, like, high. Like not drugs. Not that- uh, I didn’t mean-“

Kendall shakes his head.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

“Um, so, you know the biography of your dad? Michelle Pantsil?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Um, well, I didn’t exactly meet with her, but I did, like, a pre-meet? And-“

Kendall sighs.

“So it was you. And you said some things you can’t take back now?”

“I mean, kind of?” Greg starts. “It wasn’t anything terrible, but maybe things that shouldn’t be in a book? You know? And Tom said Ratfucker Sam is, like, doing research, and apparently he’s not the best guy?”

“Uh, yeah, I mean, Dad’s not gonna love it, man.”

Greg looks panicked.

“Well- well, isn’t there something you can do, or, like-“ he takes in a short breath, “-protect me, maybe? Because I am gonna be able to help you if you win. Or, actually, I can help you win.”

Kendall looks at him.

“Well… I’m not sure what I can do,” Kendall begins.

“I, well, I think you should give me a job if I lose this one?”

Kendall raises his eyebrows.

“No. Dude, come on. If you lose this one? Second choice?”

“I mean, I’m just saying? I have some very, potentially, extremely useful information that I think you could use.”

They look at each other. Kendall thinks about whether he should believe him. He considers the consequences of turning him down and letting the mysterious information stay hidden and the positives of letting it go and staying a small team. He already has one person who’s straddling two sides of the line. But then he considers his dad’s tendency to play as dirty as possible and wonders if he has anything planned to destroy his reputation again. It would be good to have something to stop him this time.

“Okay, Greg. You got it. I think you should leave this side sooner rather than later if you’re going to do it.”

Greg nods.

“Uh, yeah, totally. I- I’m kind of, like, moving up here, though? But also I agree so yeah, yeah.”

The most wishy-washy person alive is on his team, Kendall thinks.

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay, well… gotta finish this stuff,” Kendall gestures at the stack of papers on the desk in front of him.

“Right! Yeah! Gotta get to work, for sure.” Greg smiles a nervous smile and backs out of the room. “See ya!”

….

On the afternoon of the same day, a news headline flashes across the PGN screen and Rava’s heart stops for what feels like minutes.

“ACTIVE SHOOTER AT WAYSTAR ROYCO: BUILDING BARRICADED WITH SHOOTER INSIDE”

“What?” Her hands shake as she grabs instantly for her phone and there are tears in her eyes before she can even process it. The most terrifying images and future rip through her mind and she fights as hard as she can to make them stop. The one day Kendall goes back. Was it someone looking for him?? Is he hurt? Hiding? Worse?! She can’t breathe right. The phone rings and rings as she dials his number. He doesn’t answer and she starts hyperventilating as she runs for the car. She calls her driver and manages to choke out “Waystar building, right away, please.”

Her coat half on in the freezing air, she jumps into the waiting SUV and calls him again. When she hears his voice on his voicemail, she starts feeling truly terrified. Why would he not answer his phone in the middle of this?? She doubles over and tries to breathe as heavy rain starts to pound on the car.

Her driver glances back at her but she’s too scared to even try to explain. She dials again, still no answer. Just the voicemail message. She frantically pushes away the thought that that’s how she’ll hear his voice now. She waits to hear the beep.

“Kendall!” She practically yells. “Call me! Call me, please call me and tell me you’re okay. Call me. Ken. Call me. Please.”

The drive seems to take hours. The rain makes the traffic even worse than usual and she curses her lack of recollection of the subway system. She dials Jess and is relieved that she answers on the first ring.

“Hi, Rava,” Jess answers through panting and panic.

“Is Kendall okay?” Rava asks helplessly. "Are you okay?"

“Um-“ Jess sounds like she’s running. “I don’t- I don’t know, I’m being taken to a room somewhere but I don’t see him- but that doesn’t mean anything. Everyone’s running around. I’m sorry!”

“Oh, my god,” she lets out a yelp of true terror. “How is this possible- is anyone- you know?”

“I don’t know, I just heard a shot and some people said maybe more than one? But I haven’t seen anything- um, okay, they’re making everyone hang up so we can hear safety procedures? I’ll call you back as soon as I know anything or if he shows up. When he’s here, I mean.”

Rava covers her mouth. She can hear the blood pounding in her ears.

“Stay safe, Jess! Please call me! I’m coming.”

The beeps to end the call seem louder than normal. Rava panics and dials Roman.

“Oh, good, a connection to what almost passes for civilization,” he answers. She drops her head back for a second and realizes she forgot that Kendall told her he’s been out of the office at management training all week.

“Roman,” Rava starts tearfully. “You don’t know? There’s a shooter at Waystar.”

“Oh, holy fuck, what? Are you fucking with me?”

“No! Kendall’s not answering his phone, Jess is being hidden somewhere and he’s not there. I have to call Shiv.”

“What the f-“ Rava hangs up and dials Shiv. Straight to voicemail like it’s off. She begins to really cry and falls toward the seat. He said he was coming home at 7:00.

The car pulls up and she practically falls out of it trying to get out as fast as she can. Armed guards stand outside and look suspiciously at everyone in sight. Police cars line the street, scattered protesters stare up at the building, news crews are everywhere.

“Excuse me! Is Kendall Roy in there? Is he okay? Where is he?” she calls desperately to the nearest security guard.

“Please stand clear, ma’am. Police orders. This is a crime scene.”

“NO! My husband is in this building and I need to know if he is safe! Kendall Roy.” The guard appears unmoved. “As in Royco?!” She has never talked to anyone like that in her life, but she will do whatever it takes.

“We’ll update everyone when we have more information.”

She practically screams in frustration and calls Kendall again. The rings end early and his live voice sends waves of relief like she couldn’t even imagine over her.

“Hey! Fuck, sorry, I just heard your message and I was going to-“

“Oh, what the fuck,” she sobs into the phone. “Ken! Are you okay? Are you safe? Where are you?”

He sounds like Jess had, being hustled through hallways.

“I’m- yeah, I’m fine, I was making a call on the roof til it started raining and I didn’t even know about this until about a minute ago when these guys came and found me.” He covers the mic. “Excuse me! Where are we going?” he asks the security guards. Rava can hear heavy breathing and yelps and alarms and hurried footsteps in the background.

“Safe room,” Rava hears a guard’s muffled voice through the noise. “With Logan.”

“With- uh- what, no, is there a different-“

“Kendall! Go to the safe room!” Rava yells into the phone. He looks at the phone in surprise and then it really hits him what she must have thought.

“I’m going. Hey, I’m sorry, I’m fine. Really. I mean, it’s possible this was all orchestrated by Dad to get me alone and threaten me.“

Neither of them knows if he’s joking. Rava puts her hand on her face.

“Please. Are you almost to the room? Have they caught the- whoever was-“

“Uh, I don’t know. Not sure, we’re almost there, though.”

“Do not hang up on me,” Rava says sternly, but he can feel where it’s coming from through the phone.

“I won’t. It’s okay. I promise.”

He can’t promise that and she knows it, but hearing it in his voice makes her feel a little bit better. She doesn’t want to be too dramatic.

“Can they just let you out of there? I-“ her breath catches. “-it would be really good to see you right now,” she tries, knowing there’s no way they’re just letting one person out.

“I agree, but they’re not letting anyone out. These guys have the kind of guns Ravenhead loves to talk about.” The door opens in front of him.

“We’re here, head inside, please,” the guard orders.

“Okay, I’m here at the safe room,” he reports to Rava. She’s suddenly beyond exhausted and plops down onto a bench in the wide courtyard in front of the Waystar building.

Kendall steps inside, dreading what Logan’s reaction will be, whether he’ll even let him in. But Logan’s up and striding over as fast as Kendall has ever seen him.

“Kendall!” Rava hears Logan’s voice through the phone. “Are you all right, son? Where were you?”

Kendall can’t believe the embrace he’s getting. He hesitantly hugs his dad back and finds himself wishing against his will that it could last longer.

“Uh- yeah, I’m fine, Dad. I was fine.”

Logan nods and pats his arm before going to sit back down. Kendall takes half a second to remember that he’s still his father’s son, regardless of what’s going on with the company.

“You’re in? You’re okay?” Rava asks nervously.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“Thank God. Fuck. I don’t-“ she shakes her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my life.” The adrenaline has kept her warm so far but now the cold is getting to her and she zips her coat, gazing up at the building and willing him to come walking out the doors. She longs to feel him against her, to squeeze him and feel his heartbeat.

“I really am sorry, I- I should’ve answered, I was on a call and thought I’d just call you right back and then they came up-“ he begins.

Gerri hangs up her phone and interrupts the moment.

“It was an ATN employee… a suicide,” she tells the room delicately. Kendall glances down and he’s suddenly pulled away from his conversation, from the present moment. He has uncomfortable flashbacks to wondering if anyone would notice. If anyone would care. Logan looks at him for a second and Kendall feels a disturbing connection to know it’s in his head too. The only other person who knew how he used to feel. It’s a wake-up call to see how worried his dad was just now. To hear Rava’s panicked crying at the mere thought. He thinks maybe he’ll never tell her what he used to think about when he was left alone for too long.

“Uh-“ he clears his throat as he and Logan break eye contact and he turns his attention back to the call. “I’m not sure if you heard that… someone- killed himself… at his desk. It’s- it’s him only. No one else.” He wonders what they would have said about him.

“Oh,” she breathes out. “That’s sad… Does that- um, are you coming outside now?” she asks, knowing that’s much too hopeful.

“No, I think we have to be in here a little while longer?” But his head is elsewhere. “Hang on a sec.” He taps one of the guards near the door a bit nervously. “Um. Do you know who it was?”

The guard shakes his head.

“Okay.” He takes a step toward Gerri. “Who was it, do we know?” he asks her.

“A- Mark Johnson?” she says, scrolling through an email from Karolina about the incident. Kendall knew there was a small chance he’d know the name, but he still feels guilty that he doesn’t.

“Oh. Okay.” He wonders if there’s anything that could have been done. The therapists told him there was always something to live for.

“Did you know him?” Rava asks.

“No,” he answers.

But it’s still more upsetting than he’d like to admit. He looks around the room and thinks he should go to talk to Shiv. It’s been a while and he wants to know what’s going on. Maybe she can distract him. Or maybe she can talk. He glances at Gerri and Logan talking to Rhea and wants to make an appearance in that conversation too. If Logan’s going after Pierce, Kendall needs to make it clear that he won’t.

“Uh, I’m going to go make sure everyone else is okay,” he says into the phone. “Yeah? I’ll call you as soon as we get the go-ahead.”

“Oh, okay. I’m right outside for you,” she says. He likes the sound of that. “I’ll see you soon.” She doesn’t like this situation but she knows it could be hours.

“Okay, thanks, Rav. I love you.”

“I love you.”

They hang up and Kendall cautiously makes his way over to the corner where Gerri and Logan and Rhea are talking. He wouldn’t have normally attempted it, but Logan’s concern prompts him to think he might be allowed in.

Gerri’s talking in a low voice about Mark Johnson.

“Apparently he emailed a close friend last week, talking of a ‘culture of bullying.’”

“It’s a newsroom, not a kindergarten,” says Logan as he rolls his eyes. Gerri hesitates.

“Tragically, he also had a history of incidences of – well, not really, mental illness, which he was medicated for through our health plan?”

“Well, let’s hope that doesn’t get out and muddy the waters,” Logan replies darkly.

Kendall feels like someone’s punched him in the stomach and changes his mind about being a part of this. He walks over to Shiv. He wants out of this room and into Rava’s arms.

“Hey,” he starts.

Shiv’s scrolling on her phone and glances up at him, pressing her lips together for a second as she decides on a tone.

“Hey,” she says carefully, with just enough attitude to make it clear that she’s on Dad’s side.

“Can we talk? Like…” he gauges her weirded out reaction. “Actually talk?”

“Um… I guess?” she says as she glances toward Logan.

They move around the corner and she looks at him expectantly.

“So you’re working here now?” he asks.

Her expression turns suspicious.

“Just observing. Why? You know, that’s company information, not for outsiders,” she smiles. He nods and raises his eyebrows.

“Right. But you’re not an outsider?” he challenges.

“Oh! No, I am,” Shiv says with a sarcastic nonchalance.

“So, Rhea,” Logan says smoothly from the other side of the wall. Kendall and Shiv both turn their heads at the sound of his voice moving back into business mode. “Let’s get into it. There’s a price. Let’s cut the bullshit.”

The siblings look at each other warily as they both lean in Logan’s direction to hear better.

“Well, I’m a mere conduit, so feel free to give some numbers, but it’s a hard no from the Pierces.”

“Twenty-one billion.” Shiv looks alarmed and her eyes dart to Kendall. She’s dismayed to see his lack of surprise.

“Why aren’t you more shocked by this?” she asks. “Oh, fuck. You’ve been in contact. This is all an act? Is this why you’re here today?”

“No, Shiv. I’m here because I need to keep up with what’s going on here and I’m not shocked because I’m taking over the company I’ve worked at for seventeen years. I know what Dad wanted to bid.”

“Fuck off, I don’t believe you,” she whispers as they both quiet down to listen to Rhea’s low-key reaction to the staggering number.

“It’s like Shiv said, the cultures just aren’t compatible,” Rhea answers. Shiv gives Kendall a smug look. “It’s an emotional matter for the Pierces. Money is not irrelevant, but how can I put it-?”

Kendall knows Rhea is really here to shut it all down. He makes a split-second decision to call her bluff. Maybe there is no number big enough. Before Shiv or Logan can stop him, he steps back out into the main part of the room.

“-Relevant?” he finishes. Logan and Rhea look up at him and he feels his heart hammering in his chest. “I mean, let’s be honest here. What is it- twenty-one five?”

Shiv runs up behind him.

“Excuse me?” she looks at Logan. His expression is complicated. “Dad! He can’t just say numbers. Can he?” Kendall holds strong and hopes his dad won’t shut him down.

They’re both glued to Logan’s face and Rhea seems reluctantly enthralled by the family drama. Logan’s anger at the move is simmering under the surface, but Kendall can see that he’s grappling. He wants Rhea’s yes more than he wants to shut Kendall down. The moment feels like it lasts a week but finally, Logan nods. Authority approved.

“Bidding against yourself,” Rhea smiles. Kendall’s emboldened.

“Twenty-two,” he says without breaking eye contact with Rhea.

“Jesus, Ken.” Shiv stares at him.

Rhea’s grin continues.

“That doesn’t sound like a real offer.”

“It’s real,” Kendall confirms more confidently. Rhea raises her eyebrows.

“I’ll really have to take this to the Pierces,” she demurs.

“Uh-huh,” Logan says. “Thank you, kids. Rhea, I’m sure I’ll be hearing from you.” His phone rings and he steps away to answer it. “Marcia. Yeah, yeah, fine. Just some ‘mental illness’ fuck…”

Shiv walks over to a couch and calls Tom, leaving Kendall standing with Rhea. He tries to read her face.

“This isn’t what the Pierces want,” he says, as both a statement and a question. Rhea smiles.

“No,” she confirms. He was right. If she’s saying no to twenty-two, there’s no way this is happening.

“Well, frankly, I think you deserve complete transparency. I don’t think my dad should start something he can’t finish. His tenure, as storied as it is, is going to come to an end when I take over. And I agree with you. It’s just not the direction we want to take the company, Sandy and Stewy and I.”

“Mmhmm. Yeah. I understand that. I have a feeling your dad won’t give up until he gets a solid answer from Nan Pierce though.”

“Right,” Kendall says. “Well. I think we can be confident what that answer will be.”

Rhea gives him an enigmatic look. She can communicate with just her eyes and he knows she sees the same future he does.

“It is going to be you, isn’t it?” she says, more as a statement than a question.

He takes a breath.

“Yes. It is.”

She nods subtly. He nods back and she goes to sit down.

Kendall takes a second to collect himself before sliding back down into the current reality of what has happened today. He looks over at Shiv hanging up the phone and thinks he’d really like to try again to connect to her. He cautiously makes his way over to the corner she’s standing in behind the side wall, hidden from the rest of the room. He can’t help himself and lowers his voice.

“Hey. Did Dad promise you… something?”

Shiv tucks her hair behind her ear.

“Nope. No… did he promise you something?” she asks, concern bleeding through her façade of calm.

Kendall decides to keep it vague. The sadness starts creeping up again and sucking away his adrenaline.

“Well. He’s promised me a lot of things.”

“Old news, Ken.”

“I mean, it’s not. Turn on the literal news and they’ve been talking about it.”

“Mmhmm.” Shiv returns to her phone before flitting her eyes back up when she feels that he’s still looking at her. “…What?” she asks.

“Did you know the guy?”

“Who- the guy who- with the gun? No. Why, did you?”

He shakes his head.

“No. Fucking… terrible, though.”

“Yeah,” Shiv shrugs. “Sad,” she adds in an obligatory tone. He’s too quiet. “What’s wrong with you?” she asks.

“I mean, no one knows him, or- cares? Dad was over there talking about publishing his mental illness, like…” She looks at him expectantly. “You know.” She gives him a blank look. “It’s what they would say, Shiv. About me.”

“Well, they’re speculating with him. But everybody knows for sure how fucked up you are,” she jokes. He doesn’t laugh and his eyes stay on the table next to him.

She gives him an uncertain look. The news is really sinking in now and making him more upset by the minute. The fact that an employee brought a gun in the office, the fact that someone in his company killed himself because of policies Kendall could have improved. The idea that more than one person thought he might have been dead today. The things Logan and Gerri would’ve said if he’d gone through with it years ago. The distance between him and his siblings now. It’s too much. He just wants it all to go away for a minute. She sees his face and doesn’t really know what to do.

“Come here. Give me a hug,” he says quietly.

“Wha-?” she starts. He pulls her in and stays there for longer than she’d expect.

“Ken. Hey. That’s not you.” She rubs his back for a second and pulls back to look at him. “Wait, you’re not, like.. thinking of-? Because, you know, Dad would be pissed. Who would he talk shit about to the lackeys?” Kendall has to restrain himself from asking if she’s kidding. She looks at him like he’s crazy. “It is just a company.” He looks at her like she should know it’s not. “It is. Not really worth…” She gestures at him. “…this, you know.” He shakes his head.

“Not the company. Not really. I just… I don’t know. Someone should have noticed something with this guy. They just- should’ve noticed.”

She gives him a long look.

“You wanna talk some more?”

He looks at her and hates that he feels like he can’t trust her to keep it all to herself. He flashes back to holding her as a baby and wants to cry at the thought that he can’t tell her anything. It’s so quiet for a second that they can hear the rain dripping down the windows outside.

“I- I really can’t.”

….

After what feels like an eternity, Kendall finally trudges out of the Waystar doors into the drizzle. Rava’s head snaps up at the sight of him and slides out of the SUV to run across the courtyard and throw her arms around him in her puffy coat.

“Oh,” she whispers. “You’re here.” He lays his head on her shoulder and just lets the news photographers snap their shots. He’s so relieved and lets his shoulders drop. He hadn’t even realized they’d been practically around his ears. She doesn’t let him go for a whole minute and she’s teary again when they separate just enough to walk over and get in the backseat. She’s a little surprised that he’s teary, too. She opens her arms again when they’re inside and the door is shut, enclosing them in the safe, heated interior with tinted windows. He leans into her and stays in her arms the whole way home. He tells her the whole story and she tries to stay even-keeled while telling him her side. When they’re home, she takes him inside, and even though he has to email Stewy to tell him about Rhea and figure out how he’s going to get Roman to tell him the whole truth about PGM as things develop, he’s just feeling emotionally exhausted. So he lets Rava lead him to their room and slowly pull on some pajamas before she guides him into bed and holds him to her. She takes the remote from the bedside table and starts the fire in the fireplace. While the flame shadows dance on the walls, she nestles into him and slowly kisses his cheek, once, twice, three times. He closes his eyes.

Her lips touch his and he needs them to feel like one. He pulls the comforter over them both and rolls her on top of him for a deep and slow connection that they both need after everything they’ve been through since this morning. He needs comfort, needs to give comfort, and she wants to be taken care of after such a dangerous day. He holds her close and they share each other’s air. They’d rather have less oxygen than be more than an inch apart.

They end the day lying still in the light of the fire, wrapped up in each other with no plan to move. They don’t need words to express themselves and he’s grateful just to have time to exist where there’s nothing to prove. She just wants him to lie there with her. Deep tiredness hits him hard after such a taxing day. Even though he has no idea what time it is and is pretty sure it’s still early evening, he lets himself slip into sleep. His even breathing and the way he cuddles up to her in his sleep make Rava feel like utter mush and she kisses his head before she follows after him and floats into sleep.

….

On December twenty-third, Rava wakes up still on her side facing Kendall as he lies on his back. She glances at his phone screen as he scrolls. An Instagram profile full of professional photos, galas, upscale restaurants and bars… she squints a little in her morning haze and sees the username clearly. MarkJohnson.

She blinks and he realizes she’s awake.

“Hey,” he says, closing the app. He looks haunted.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to close it,” she says. “I thought you didn’t know him.”

“Uh, yeah, I didn’t.” He pauses. “Probably should have. I dunno. I wish I had.”

She runs her fingers over his forearm. She’s still getting used to his newfound enlightenment and desire to be the one to help post-rehab.

“Oh, Ken, you couldn’t have done anything.”

He doesn’t love that attitude but he reminds himself it’s coming from not wanting him to feel guilty. He looks at the comforter.

“He sent an email to his friend saying it was a culture of bullying. My company. I could have done something.”

“You can’t control everyone at the company,” Rava sounds too indifferent and it makes him kind of upset. He doesn’t want to say anything. She glances at him. “I mean, you couldn’t have known, his Instagram looks like a lot of fun,” she prompts. He nods.

“Yeah.” They’re quiet for a moment. “I might start a foundation.”

“For this guy-?”

“Yeah, I mean, you know, for people who are struggling. Like… it doesn’t have to end like that.” He considers how differently he would’ve felt if he’d known that in the future he would be lying next to Rava and on his way to taking over Waystar.

Rava’s a little touched.

“Well, that would be nice,” she affirms as she sits up in bed and reaches for his sweater to pull over her tank top.

“Or- something for addicts, maybe. Maybe both. There’s kind of a lot of crossover. You know? Maybe he had a problem. He had a lot of party pictures? I- I was at some of those galas.”

Rava looks back and realizes his voice was wobbling.

“Hey,” she says, laying back down and giving him a hug. “You don’t know what caused it. It was probably complicated.” She pats his back.

Everyone’s so quick to dismiss and he tries not to spill a tear onto the sweater she’s wearing. But she notices.

“Oh, Ken, what’s-“

“Nothing. It’s just- fucking… sad.” He sniffles and sits up. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

She looks at him with concern.

“You sure?”

He shrugs.

“Uh- yeah. I’m gonna get some breakfast… yeah? You want something?”

“Yeah. I’ll be in in a minute,” she says.

He nods slowly and gets up and walks toward their bathroom. She thinks he looks like he has a hundred pounds on his shoulders. She follows him into the bathroom after a minute and finds him leaning against the wall by the sink with the water running and a silent tear on his face.

“Oh,” she pulls him close and he lets her. She turns the water off.

“Uh…” he wipes the tear from his face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you. It’s sweet that you care. It is sad!” She keeps one arm around his waist and touches his face with her free hand.

“It could’ve been- anyone. You know?” He finds himself wishing she did know.

“Sure,” she says.

“Dad’s gonna publish that he was insane because he was on some prescription through the company. You- you know he’d do that to me. He basically already did.”

Logan’s shaming for being a human being never seems to stop, Rava thinks.

“Well,” she says, “that would pale in comparison to the headlines I’d get printed about his Viagra use. And of course his death by daughter-in-law.” Kendall laughs a little through the tears and she squeezes him. “He’s such a…. fuck him,” she says. He nods and tries to get it together.

“It’s okay to fall apart,” she tells him.

He shakes his head.

“Not doing that.” He takes a deep breath and she nods and takes his hand as they walk out to the breakfast table. He sits down and looks at her across the round edge of the breakfast table. “So, tell me what’s going on,” he says. “Something else. It’s- it’s not good for me to think about this anymore.” She gives him a worried look but obliges. She sighs as she forces herself to talk about her situation.

“Well, I called that firm Robert knows to take the case,” she says a little regretfully. Her face is pained. “I- couldn’t handle it on my own I guess.” She smiles a forced smile of embarrassment. “I’m still the attorney of record,” she adds, feeling like she must sound lame, “but they’re mostly handling the day to day now.” She shrugs. “It’s… disappointing. But I’m staying up on it as much as I can. They’re already making more progress with getting documentation.”

He nods and holds her hand. He knows the feeling of failure.

“Well, it’s good for those guys. Tony, yeah? And the other guy?”

“Yeah,” she says reluctantly. “Yes it is.”

“I don’t mean you weren’t good. I mean- you know. If they can solve it. If they can find the guy who disappeared. What’s the resort company called?”

“Um, Triangle Properties.” Kendall thinks for a second about whether he recognizes it. No.

“Uh-huh.”

They look at each other and it sinks in that they have nothing good to talk about at this moment. They pick at breakfast for a few minutes.

“You want to watch tv?” she asks.

“Yeah. That would be good.”

They take their coffees and head into the family room for some low-key zone-out time. She flips on the set and spreads one of the blankets over them both.

“The kids are out?” Kendall asks.

“With Malaya, at the new science museum exhibit. Iverson wanted to go.” Kendall nods. He kind of wishes they were going, too. He could use a distraction and he thinks Rava could, too.

“I’m supposed to have lunch with a couple of the girls today,” Rava says, more like it’s a question than a statement.

“Oh.” Kendall tries not to make his disappointment obvious. “Uh… yeah. Okay."

"I just promised them because it's been so long."

“Right. Sure,” he pushes a smile onto his face. She should have a distraction.

After the show has ended and Rava has gotten ready, she walks over to kiss Kendall, still in his robe in his armchair.

“Don’t go,” he says, only half-serious.

“Ohh, I’ll be home before you know it. But you could have a friend over, too.” She smiles, “or don’t you have any of those?” she teases.

“I have friends,” he insists.

“Outside of business acquaintances?”

“Well, Stewy’s not a business acquaintance.”

“Business partner,” she says as if that distinction is not the point.

He feels regretful for having given up so many of his party friends from the old days, but he’d known he had to do it.

“It was part of rehab to end those other friendships,” he says, trying not to sound annoyed that she would forget that. “You know that.”

“Ken, I’m messing with you. You’re fine.”

“Ivey will build the Lego skyline with me when he gets back.”

“Adult friends, Ken,” she smiles.

“Uh, well, you’re my adult friend,” he says as he purposely looks her up and down.

She smiles a little sadly and glances down at herself.

“Not exactly looking my best these days,” she sighs.

“What? You look good every day.”

She looks at him for half a second and looks away. He can tell her confidence is shaken by the loss of control over the case.

“Come here!” he says lightly.

She walks over and he gently pulls her down to kiss him.

“What are you going to do while I’m out?” she asks him.

“Uh, just work out, and… yeah, I have to call Sandy.”

“Okay. I should probably join you in the gym. Gonna go eat instead,” she’s says in a regretful yet amused voice.

“Hey, stop that. Seriously. I have to work out,” he says seriously. “You know. Every day it has to happen. But that’s my shit.” She nods. “You look hot.” He means it but she laughs it off.

“Okay. Thanks. I’ll see you when I’m back,” she says without a lot of feeling.

….

On December twenty-fourth, the Waystar Christmas party is in full swing. The cocktails are flowing, the festive attire is sparkling, the band is playing, and Rava is grimacing. Kendall looks over and doesn’t miss the expression.

“I know, last place you want to be right now,” he sighs. “It’s only 4:00. We’ll be out of here in no time. I just have to talk to Dad.”

She nods because she gets it and she sighs because she doesn’t want to get it.

Logan’s across the room and she hopes he’s feeling as un-grinch-like as possible. She watches Kendall eyeing him cautiously.

“This is the last chance I have to save Vaulter,” he says nervously. “Next time I see him- I don’t even know. A month? Argestes? It’ll be too late.”

“Oh yeah,” Rava says. “I forgot about that trip.” She always liked it out there, minus all the networking. “Well, go do it. You can get this taken care of and we can go home?”

“Yeah,” he confirms. “You know, it’s kind of fucked up that there’s this party when Mark Johnson…” his eyes fall to the floor for a moment. She squeezes his hand.

“I know. But you’re here to fix the Vaulter situation for all those people. They need you,” she reminds him.

He nods and takes a deep breath and summons the strength to walk to where Logan is standing with Colin not far behind.

She watches from across the room as Kendall approaches his dad. He starts off nice, and she can see his harder business persona come out as she’s sure they’re getting into the nitty-gritty. After a surprisingly brief conversation, Kendall bounds back over to Rava.

“It’s done. I convinced him. He’s keeping it.”

“Just like that?”

“This- this is a new level, I think. I’m playing him, Rav. We’re playing chess. Like equals. He fucking listened to me.”

“He’s listened to you plenty of times before!”

“Yeah- yeah, but this was another level. This was real shit, like- there was respect there. I showed him I did the work, I had the full answer for everything he asked. He said Roman agreed with me.”

Rava pats his arm.

“Honestly, that’s great, Ken.”

He’s basking in the glory of being heard as Rava glances around at the attendees. Her eyes stop when she sees a tall, thin blonde with fake cleavage spilling out of her tight dress walking by and smiling at Kendall.

“Hi, Kendall,” she says in a breathy voice as she passes them.

Rava turns her head and swings it back around to stare at him. He’s looking at his watch.

“Um, who was that?” she asks, eyes a little wider than necessary. He shrugs.

“Nobody, just, uh, some girl I went on a date with last year.” She keeps staring at him. “It was nothing.”

Rava looks down at her corporate-appropriate dress and takes in a bit of a sharp breath.

“Oh. You… went out with her?”

“One time.”

“Oh. Okay.” She raises her eyebrows and wishes for a mirror. He saw her, he asked her out.

“What?” he asks.

“Oh, nothing, you know, just that she can’t be more than twenty-five.”

He shakes his head and tries to brush it off.

“I don’t know how old she is. It doesn’t matter, it was nothing.”

She reaches behind her head to fix her hair.

“Mmhmm. Okay.”

He half-smiles at her. She can’t seriously be worried about this.

“Nothing even happened.”

She grimaces at the idea of anything happening, of him comparing her to that girl. Nothing happened. She wonders if they kissed at the end of the date. The idea makes her sick.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing, I promise.”

She tries to seem casual, like she’s making a joke.

“But you wanted it to, though.”

He looks right at her.

“Actually, I didn’t. She’s really not my type.”

“Right, yes, I’m sure you hate perfect, beautiful, young-”

He smiles.

“Stop. You are perfect, beautiful, and young.”

She rolls her eyes dramatically.

“Oh, right,” she says, walking ahead of him a step. He reaches for her hand and grabs it.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, the dermatologist?”

He shakes his head and laughs.

“Don’t say that.”

She looks back at him.

“Stop smiling!” she insists.

“I’m smiling because this is ridiculous.”

“Oh, you were so miserable without me,” she says in a mocking tone.

He looks at her seriously.

“I was.”

She shifts uncomfortably and he slips his arms around her waist, looking into her eyes. She squirms a little and avoids looking at him.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” She starts moving away and he keeps her there.

“Hey. I mean it, I was.”

She wrinkles her nose.

“Please, I didn’t even look like that when I was twenty-two.”

“I don’t want you to look like that.”

“You asked her out.”

He doesn’t know whether the truth is better or worse.

“Actually-“ He drops his head down and looks up at her. He tells himself not to mention that Rava had a whole pseudo-relationship and tries not to smirk or gloat. “She asked me out.”

She sucks in one cheek.

“Oh, good. A slutty model,” she says semi-seriously.

“I wouldn’t know. One date, Rav.” He gazes at her and she avoids eye contact. “I-I wished she was you. I fucking wished everyone I talked to was you.”

She sighs and finally looks at him.

“Really?”

“Of course, really. Fuck, don’t get all�� fake at the doctor.” He shakes his head. “You’re perfect. Come here.” He pulls her in and she leans against him. She’s briefly amused that he’s blissfully unaware of her expertly-done skin treatments.

“Does she know you’re married again now?” she asks in that fake-joking voice again as she squeezes him to her.

“If she reads Page Six.” He still can’t believe she would care about this. “Can we go home now?”

She looks up at him with a small smile and imitates the girl’s voice sarcastically.

“Yes, Kendall.”

He shakes his head again.

“Stop. Let’s go.” He puts his arm around her and they walk out.

….

On December twenty-fifth, Rava hands Kendall a wrapped present after the kids have gone to take post-unwrapping naps. He takes a look at the gift tag.

I thought about sneakers, but this seemed somehow even better. Something for the man who has everything.

The phrase used to be a dark joke to him. He'd thought he had nothing for the longest time and it had always been impossible to explain to anyone but her. He opens the wrapping paper and beholds a well-loved journal.

“It’s my diary,” she smiles. “From the first years we first started dating. I thought you’d like to read what I- well, how I saw you, versus how you saw yourself.”

“I didn’t even know you kept this!” he says with wonder. He opens it up and starts flipping through it, catching snippets on different pages.

If he could take a month away from the Roys, he’d start to see how brilliant he actually is.

I wish I knew how many colors are in Ken’s eyes. I tried to count them once but he blinked. I could honestly look into those eyes forever.

I didn’t know it was even possible to think about someone so much. All I want to do is lie in bed with him every minute. It’s like I physically need him. I don’t know how I’m going to focus on classes when I have to go back to law school next week. I can’t be away from him anymore!

He’s speechless when he looks up at her again. She’s blushing but she’s happy it’s having the intended effect. He glances back down and flips the page one more time.

If Kendall doesn’t propose to me this year I might actually die!!

He chuckles and points to that line, holding it up for her to see.

“Wow,” he laughs. “Good thing I did.”

“Yeah,” she smiles and they gaze at each other. “It is a good thing.”

“This- this is amazing,” he says. “I don’t even- wow.” He looks at her again. “Can’t believe this is real.” He looks down at the book and smiles again. “So, uh, I guess you’re kind of into me.”

“Mmm,” she says as she kisses him. “I guess so.”

He pauses.

“Did you really count the colors in my eyes?”

She smiles.

“Four,” she whispers in his ear.

“Four? No, three.”

“You’re missing the darker green,” she says.

It’s his turn to feel a little hot in his face.

“Okay. So, you’re actually obsessed with me,” he smiles.

“And look how happy you are about it!” she replies.

“You just took out all the bad stuff,” he insists.

She shrugs. “No missing pages!” He flips through the whole thing again. She’s right.

“Okay, I’m absolutely reading every word of this today. But first, I’ll get your gift.”

He pulls out a wrapped gift that’s clearly a frame.

“I don’t know if this is- yeah, this is probably not, you know, great, but- you said you missed when I did art, so…”

She pulls the paper off of a close-up sketch of her smiling in bed, sheets wrapped below her bare shoulders and slightly messy hair framing her face. Sunlight streams through the window behind her.

“How I see you,” he says. “Versus how you see yourself,” he adds.

“I can’t believe you drew this,” she whispers. “It’s so beautiful, I love it. When- when did you even have time to do this?”

He shrugs.

“You know. I made it work. Got the idea at the wedding, the way you woke up,” he smiles. “I just think you should know…” they look at each other. “You know.” She nods. “Come here,” he says quietly.

She cuddles up to him and they wrap their arms around each other. Today, they do have everything.

Chapter 14 💗

#merry christmas!#merry jeremy strong day!#it's a long one again #rewriting one of the most popular episodes fkdjngkdf #ok enjoy!#succession #kendall roy #kendall x rava #kenrava #kendall roy fic #rava roy

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