#but he can''t commit to it wholeheartedly

[starboyshoyo]

The Summer After Graduation pt. 2

Pairing: Malleus Draconia, Silver, Sebek Zigvolt x fem!reader (separately)

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Genre: fluff, domestic

A/N: @ryker-writes ;) you know. It’s so early and I’m exhausted, so if there’s mistakes I’ll go back and fix them later.

Where does life take you, after you move back to Briar Valley with them?

Part 1 (Kalim, Deuce, Epel, Trey) || Part 2 (HERE)

Malleus Draconia

In Malleus’ eyes, the moment you agreed to be his was the moment you became engaged. A relationship with him starts and stays serious and committed due to the traditions of his species. So naturally, after the two of you graduate from NRC, you move back to Briar Valley with him and his family as his first friend and first love.

There are some difficulties with hostile fae at first. The traditional council would be very against your relationship with him. But according to Briar Valley lore, draconic fae children can only be born from immense love and care between a couple. So even if the royal advisors disagree with the prince’s choice of partner, they couldn’t deny him his happiness if they ever hoped for an heir.

So despite the protests of some narrow-minded fae, Malleus is free to bring you home with him, to live as his partner and lover. Of course, Lilia is In complete support of the two of you, as is Silver. Sebek took some time to come around- he complained a lot about how no one, human or fae, could be worthy of Waka-sama’s affections. But once Lilia pointed out how happy you made Malleus, Sebek quieted down. No one had ever seen the crown prince smile the way he did when you were around.

Moving into the royal palace takes some time to get used to. It’s easy to get lost in the corridors of Castle Draconia. The hallways can also seem gloomy and cold at first, and almost frightening when you walk the stone passageways at night. If you get nervous, Malleus will do his best to be by your side as much as he can, holding your hands and cuddling you at night. If not him, then he’ll send a guard or two to watch over you.

If you want to take part in more diplomatic duties in Briar Valley and insist that you get to know the citizens as their future queen, Malleus will be worried but support you wholeheartedly. You’re considerate, responsible, and kind, three qualities that make for the best ruler. And besides, he doesn’t want you being cooped up inside all day the way he was when he grew up. While the work you’re doing may be dangerous, Malleus trusts you to handle yourself. Just make sure to bring Silver with you along with the rest of your personal guards, just in case. Fae can be unpredictable at times.

When Malleus isn’t busy with his princely duties, he’ll seek you out and whisk you away to a private wing of the castle using magic. The castle is old, and even with hundreds of years of free time, he hasn’t been able to explore every nook and cranny of it. The two of you will roam the hallways, naming the various statues you come across and slow-dancing in empty ballrooms with ancient music echoing from an unknown place within the walls.

“Briar Valley has come alive, my dear. Do you hear that? They are greeting their new ruler. This is all for you.”

At night, nothing makes Malleus happier than returning to his bedchambers to find you cuddled up in the sheets. He’ll slide into bed around you, tail unfurling to curl around your body and hold you close to him. He’ll spread his wings and rest them over your body to protect the two of you while you snuggle through the night.

Malleus might not know much about romance, but he does know when he’s found the one. He’ll have to ask the royal jewelers for a ring soon- infused with magic and inlaid with his love.

Silver

All his life, Silver was trained to become a knight for Malleus. It’s exactly what he did in the years he attended NRC. But what Silver hadn’t realized yet was that it was more of an obligation than his true calling. After meeting you and moving back to the Valley of Thorns, Silver began craving a quieter lifestyle- one where he could enjoy your company without having to be on guard duty 24/7.

It’s Lilia who first notices Silver’s restlessness, and he takes the matter to the young king. The two of them surprise you and Silver with a little graduation present- a cottage deep in the forest. Malleus tells Silver that he’s promoted him from the title of knight to that of a lord- the land that the cottage is built upon is now his to care for and do as he pleases. He’s already had servants move yours and Silver’s things there. Silver was initially worried that he was being fired from his job for falling asleep too much, but with some reassurance from his father, the two of you were on your way.

The cottage is gorgeous, situated in a clearing with a meadow and waterfall. The sun caught the water just right every morning- creating rainbows through the spray that danced in the dawn. It’s the perfect place for you and your boyfriend to live a peaceful, quiet life. The nearby villages are peaceful ones, and don’t mind having two humans living in their vicinity. They occasionally come by to drop off homemade food or ask for Silver’s help, but otherwise it’s just the two of you.

Silver’s animal friends come by daily to help out with the chores, making the workload light. The birds do the laundry for you and hang clothes out to dry, while deer often come by to help weed the garden. Even the squirrels play their part in helping to patch up holes in the walls and roof.

With only light work, your days are spent by Silver’s side, going on horseback rides through the meadow and napping with him in the garden. Finally, you have time to learn all of the things you’ve ever wanted to do. Speaking another language? Reading a book? Learning to sew? You have all the time in the world.

Date nights become a regular occurrence; something that you couldn’t do back at the palace. One of the most memorable dates is a time where Silver covered your eyes and led you to a beautiful meadow on the mountain, overlooking a valley. As you watched, songbirds swooped down carrying a picnic basket and blanket, setting up a romantic little spot for you and Silver to lay together and watch the sun go down. While you were busy watching the stars come out, a gentle smile graced your lover’s features. Yes, the sky was beautiful- but he could never take his eyes off your smiling face.

Sebek Zigvolt

Sebek Zigvolt has always known his dream was to serve Malleus Draconia in any possible way. A love life and career don’t always mix, so he feels grateful that he found you- always so willing to support his dreams. It helps that you and Malleus are on friendly terms as well. Nothing makes Sebek happier than seeing his lover and his Lord get along well.

Life with Sebek in Briar Valley is pretty similar to life at NRC for a while. Besides the fact that you don’t have to attend classes, Sebek still gets up at the crack of dawn every day to do weight training and go on a morning run, to train for the royal guard exam. He’ll ask you to get up with him, but ultimately leaves it up to you. If you have trouble sleeping, he wouldn’t want to tire you out. But for a while, you won’t be getting many lazy mornings with your boyfriend.

While Sebek is gone, his family will keep you company. Sebek’s mother loves to gush about her son’s younger days and show you embarrassing photos, while his father is quite happy to have another human around for once. His brother and sister love teasing him- who knew that grumpy Sebek would end up falling so hard for a human?

It’s a little-known fact that Sebek is actually afraid of horses- he tolerated being in the equestrian club because he needed to know how to ride if he wanted to be a knight for Malleus. Sebek will want to hold your hand before he goes to riding classes in the afternoon, and he’d appreciate it if you’d watch him- he’d feel safer if you did. He’ll do the same for you when you need him to be strong for you as well.

The both of you will be so proud when Sebek finally passes the class, and is certified as a real Briar Valley knight. Lilia assigns Sebek to lead a new, special battalion, one directly under his and Malleus’ command. Sebek will wear his uniform with the crest on it- a peacock with honeysuckle and iris flowers surrounding it, and a tail made of eucalyptus leaves- proudly. He’d probably wear it to sleep if you didn’t remind him to change out of his work clothes.

Sebek is a big deal in Briar Valley, and gone for work trips often. While you do miss his company, it also gives you time to plan surprises for him, such as learning to speak his native language. While Sebek has mostly gotten over his prejudice towards humans, he’s still immensely proud of his culture as a nocturnal fae. If you take the time to learn the language of his heritage from his mother, Sebek will realize that the feelings he holds for you are not between a human and a fae, but one between soulmates.

[anxiousapplepie]

Question/Idea?? Would H!Isa even want to still be a Housemaiden after all is said and done? The idea being that H!Isa's friendquest could be him and T!Mira talking it out since she also left. Plus, it helps that there's a particularly cute cook he wants to leave with...

There's also the idea of him leaving all his garb behind (change earrings and shield) when T!Mira breaks out of the time loops so he can live and travel as anonymously as possible. I think at that point he'd be very tired of being a poster boy

A good question!! Personally I think HM!Isabeau would still want to practice his faith and keep a firm commitment to the Change God.. but yeeeeeeeah after his quest is over and Mira is out of the timeloops, I think he'd slap his hands together like "WHELP, time for a Change I think!!" and wholeheartedly put all his energy into figuring out what kind of Housemaiden he wants to be from then on. But like? even if you aren't part of a House or are actively broadcasting your religion to the public, you don't stop being a Housemaiden :3 It's a lifelong thing, even if you change jobs and stuff. Boy howdy though Isa wants nothing to do with fame or living up to expectations afterwards I'll say that much XD He's good to be invisible and settle into a quieter life with a certain disaster cook in a few years when he's ready <3

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 11: Bump In The Night

“He’s not back yet?”

It’s been a few hours since Thomas went off to talk to Ada and darkness is beginning to descend. Am I going to have to keep dinner waiting every night?

Polly looks up from the newspaper she’s reading. “He’ll come about when he’s calmed down and cleared his head- though don’t hold your breath. You know as well as I do that Tommy can be as stubborn as one of his horses.” Now she looks over at me with perceptive eyes. “Ada never mentioned anything to you, did she?”

I shake my head. “No. I only knew she’d been having an affair.”

“Then why didn’t you mention it?”

“I didn’t ask who. I told her that I’m not a Shelby. That she should answer to you, not me.”

The woman slowly nods with a wise look in her eye. “That’s very loyal of you. Someone could take advantage and act as their own authority in private family matters. But you’ve kept from telling and shaming our family. Thank you.”

“No thanks necessary, Polly,” I respond wholeheartedly. “Loyalty is just as important to my own family. I would be shaming them by carrying out disgraceful behavior.”

The front door opens and Arthur and John walk in. John looks exhausted and Arthur has a grim face that looks as if he just committed murder- or is that always how he looks? 

“Where’s Tommy?” John asks.

“You tell me,” Polly shrugs. “Hasn’t been back for hours.”

The pair both grunt and walk off down the hall. Now I see it’s not just Thomas that’s gloomy all the time.

“No use in setting the table,” Polly says. “Finn can eat when he’s done with his chores.”

I clean my own plate and excuse myself to prepare for bed. While I slip on my nightgown I can’t help but feel concerned about Ada. Is she coming back home? Do the other Shelbys know yet? Will the child’s father wed her? Since I’m the only girl of five brothers I’ve never seen the experience of pregnancy but from what I’ve heard it can be very stressful. I hope Thomas doesn’t press Ada too much or it could be bad for her or the baby.

Thump!

A noise jolts me awake. What time…? It’s three in the morning. What on Earth is going on at three in the morning?

Thump!

There it is again. It’s coming from the wall- the wall connected to Thomas’ room. Is he back yet? Quietly, I sit up and tiptoe to the door. I peek my head out to make sure the hall is clear and creep over to knock on Thomas’ door. Instead of the door opening I hear another loud thump from inside. Is he fighting someone?! I know he has the privilege of privacy but if this keeps up he’ll wake everyone up.

I turn the knob and peek inside the dark bedroom where I see Thomas’ figure on a bed thrashing around under the blanket. The thumping sound’s origin is his fist punching the wall.

“Wha-? Thomas? Thomas! Wake up!” I hurry over and try to think of how to wake him. “You’re having a nightmare-!”

Suddenly Thomas reaches out and wraps his hands around my throat. My instincts cause me to try to pull away as the air is sucked from my lungs.

“T-Thomas- Mr. Shelby, it’s me!” I rasp in a panic.

In the dark I see him pause and seem to do a double-take. Then his hands soften around my neck and he pulls them away to pat up and down my shoulders.

“Sorry! Sorry, love… Are you hurt anywhere?”

I take a second to catch my breath and shake my head. “Are- Are you ok?”

Thomas sighs and rubs his forehead. “I’m sorry… ‘s just flashbacks, ‘s all.”

“From the war?”

He nods and doesn’t say more. He doesn't have to. Shell shock is no light matter. If he fought in France then he has every reason to seek help.

“Have you talked with someone?”

Thomas scoffs. “I ain’t a woman. I don’t need to ‘talk about it.’”

“Your own mental welfare is more important than biting away shell shock just to keep your ego, Thomas.” I don’t wait for him to argue and take a chance to sit on the bed next to him. “I’m so sorry you have to go through this. When the war started I was too young to understand what was going on, but I remember the day my father came home and my mother burst into tears. It wasn’t until a few years later that I knew what happened. I pray each and every day, thankful that he returned safely, because I know others weren’t as fortunate.”

Thomas stays still and keeps staring straight ahead with a blank expression. Does he want help? There’s no use trying to help if he doesn’t want any. He doesn’t even want me here.

I look away and stand up to walk towards the door-

“Would you feel uncomfortable if I asked you to stay?” Thomas asks.

He wants help? Or just a woman to hold? I’m prepared to help Thomas but I will not stoop to extreme physical touch.

“Keep your hands to yourself and I’ll agree.”

Surprisingly Thomas nods agreeably and moves over to give me space on the bed. In the corner of my eye I see what looks like a pipe sticking out.

“What’s that?”

Thomas sees where I’m looking. “Opium. Helps with the dreams.”

He resorts to opium? Is Thomas really so stubborn to be tough that he relies on drugs to suppress his trauma?

“I’m sorry,” I reply softly.

“Sorry won’t be enough.” Thomas responds darkly.

“I know. I’ll never be able to fix that. Nobody can.”

It goes quiet and for a while we sit in silence listening to the ticking of the clock. Normally I’m not one for sitting in silence with people but it’s different with Thomas. We don’t need to speak. He’s thinking and just needs to know someone is there to pull him back.

“Can I be honest with you?” Thomas eventually asks.

I frown. “You mean you haven’t been this whole time?”

“No I have, it’s just… Can I tell you something personal?”

Personal? So I’ve ascended from a tossed out nobody to my boss’ therapist. Should I dare to get this close?

“If you trust me enough, then yes. I will keep it confidential.”

“People think I haven’t had sex since before the war,” Thomas states bluntly. “That’s not true. I was seeing a whore up until a few months ago.”

This leaves me stunned. What do I say to that? I didn’t think this would be part of the therapy process.

“Oh. Um, alright.” I awkwardly fidget with my fingernails. “I can’t really speak for that matter.”

“Why? Are you a virgin?”

“It’s none of your business,” I snap and regain control. “But since this is confidential, yes. I am a woman of God and do not just throw myself willy-nilly at anyone, unlike lots of the women I've seen walking the streets.”

Thomas groans and leans against the wall. “I assume you know about Ada?” When I don’t answer right away he continues. “My own sister, gonna have a baby. I tried to get her to tell me who the father is but she won’t budge.” I feel him put a hand on my shoulder. “You’re a woman, Verena. What should I do?”

Wow. He sees I’m a woman. Fascinating. 

“If I ever came to my parents in her situation they would cast me out for having a child out of wedlock. If I were you I would encourage Ada to marry.”

“I don’t even know what bloke she’d be marrying! How’s this supposed to look for our family image?”

“Thomas, this is a pregnancy we’re talking about. This is a blessing no matter who the father is.”

Silence takes over again and Thomas lays down to stare up at the ceiling. I share his concern for Ada but that’s no reason so shame God’s miracle.

“Can I ask you something else?”

“That’s what I’m here for, Thomas.”

“You don’t think of me differently because I have Gypsy blood?”

That comes out of nowhere. What sort of question is that? Never once has my mind processed to acknowledge the Shelby genes.

“Why would I?” 

The blue-eyed gangster looks over at me with an unfamiliar expression. One might say he almost looks vulnerable.

“Gypsies aren’t welcomed everywhere, Verena. That’s part of why I have to stick up for the whole family because people will walk all over us if I don’t.”

That’s why… 

A small smile grows on my face and I take Thomas’ hand. “Maybe it’s because I’m American but in my family we don’t judge someone by their blood. In America there’s way too many blends to do that. I judge a man by his heart, not the blood that runs through it.”

Silence ticks by. Does he believe me? Then Thomas shows his response by slowly leaning in to give me a quick hug. The Thomas Shelby just gave me a hug. I didn’t even think he knew how to hug.

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the people in Small Heath aren’t complete angels.”

I’m stunned. He’s being… nice. My whole body goes stiff to the new physical contact and- Yup. Those are his abs. Dear God! I’ve never been this close to a man who isn’t one of my brothers. From what I’ve read it’s a normal response to have a quicken heartbeat when put in new situations so that probably explains why my chest feels like it’s going to burst. Calm down, Steenstra. He’s being thankful. Thomas hardly says thank-you so it’s a big deal.

“I understand why you have to be so cold sometimes,” I try to speak evenly. “But once in a while you need to show your family that you’re more than just their shield.”

Thomas doesn’t pull away and shakes his head. “There’s not much left of me that cares about what other people think of me, even my family.”

“But deep down you still do. We’re our own worst enemy, Thomas. Life can be cruel but we all have our own part to play… no matter how insignificant it might seem.”

“This world will remember me,” Thomas states with certainty. “One way or another.”

God, he’s stubborn. “What may seem like a small gesture to you can speak volumes to others, Thomas. Besides, men who only live for money or work for fame are not guaranteed happiness. You can be more than a great man.”

The gangster pulls away but keeps close, analyzing me. “If not great… what else can I be, love?”

I shake my head with pity and squeeze his hand. “You’ll understand one day. You’ll never fully appreciate something until it’s gone, Thomas. Just… think about it.” I look up at the clock and see it’s been an hour. Only a short while until I should get up. “Both of us need sleep. Do you still feel scared?”

Thomas scoffs. “Tommy Shelby is hardly scared.”

I raise a very skeptical brow. He gives me a side glance and sighs.

“Fine, I was a little unnerved. No, Verena. I’m fine now, love. Thank you.” He leans in for one last hug. “Thank you for everything.”

“Never a problem, Mr. Shelby,” I say as I stand up and step back to the door. “Can’t have my boss looking blue, can I?”

That’s it, right? I’m not actually growing attached to this place. Am I? I mean sure, Small Heath is far from perfect but in some ways it reminds me of Brooklyn. Hard-working folks who want to promote their family pride. 

I quietly head back to my room (no longer hearing sounds from Thomas’ side) and slide back into the now-cold blankets. As my eyes close again I can’t help but wonder if I’ll miss this place when I eventually leave.

[kalablueandevergreen]

Excerpt from one of the last chapters of Lose Myself in Palest Grey, the continuation of Infinite Blue and Evergreen.

(Latest chapter is up!)

I thought it was cute even without the context, so I'm sharing it for those who want a little fluff in their day. Also implies something spicy is gonna happen later... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/59638531

xXx

When Gai did come home an hour and a half later, Kakashi was lying on the couch reading. He had already eaten a small dinner, and what started off as a way to distract himself turned into the hokage being absorbed in the newest of the spicy series he was collecting. Gai called out a greeting, following the small hum Kakashi made in response as he flipped to the next page.

Gai came over and sat down on the couch beside his hips, leaning forward to kiss his temple in greeting. The only recognition he got was that the other man leaned into the kiss, eyes still glued to the page in front of him. The two characters were at the crux of discussing the misunderstanding from the previous book, and it was sure to lead to the first sex scene of the sequel.

His silver-haired rival had no idea how delectable he looked; all soft and intent lying back on the couch. He was wearing a well-worn white t-shirt of his partner’s, a strip of skin peeking out from where it had ridden up on his stomach. His pyjama pants were slung low on his hips, checkered blue and darker blue. The mask was unattached, which meant his beautiful neck was on full display. Without thinking much about it, Gai reached out his hand and traced the exposed skin of his navel.

Kakashi twitched a bit, engrossed in his book, but he subconsciously knew that Gai was safe and his touch was gentle. It wasn’t until Gai’s hand slid under the shirt and dragged it up out of the way so he could rub his thumb back and forth over the dip of where his collarbones met that the silver-haired man was relinquished from his fictional world. He let the hand closest to Gai drop from the book and turned his attention to his partner. Gai leaned down and kissed the side of this neck tenderly, just brushing his lips up and down the sensitive skin.

“Are you trying to distract me from my very important work, Gai?” Kakashi’s voice was definitely amused.

“Of course not, Rival. By all means, continue. I can keep myself occupied.” Gai’s voice was full of mischief, which made Kakashi’s smile widen and his heart start thumping harder in affection.

“I wouldn’t want you to feel neglected.” Kakashi placed his receipt that doubled as a bookmark into the book and put it on the back of the couch.

He opened his arms and Gai slid right in, lying half on top of him and continuing his sweet torture on his neck and chest. In return, Kakashi threaded a hand up into his glossy hair and hummed in contentment as he took in a deep breath to scent the familiar shampoo of his lover. Gai’s leg hooked over his, rubbing idly up and down the back of his calf in a way that reminded him of when they fell asleep curled up together.

Aware that he now had his full attention, Gai leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Kakashi would usually allow the peck and carry on like nothing happened, but a lick of impatience made him impulsively pull down his mask and kiss Gai on the lips before he could retreat from his personal space entirely.

“How was your meeting?” He inquired, hand still running through his hair idly.

“It went well. I managed to wear him down with my wit and charm! I imagine our next meeting he will finally agree to the memorial hall and then we can start the restructuring.”

Kakashi chuckled at the gusto in which his partner spoke of his work. “I don’t know how he’s held out this long against your impressive negotiating skills.”

“It has been a challenge I wholeheartedly commit myself to.” Gai crossed his arms across the hokage’s chest and smiled up at him, content.

“You do that with every challenge.” Kakashi reminded him fondly, and then the two of them stilled to watch the other’s face. Kakashi wished sometimes that he had his sharingan to memorise this moment, but now he was content without it. The constant drain was something he didn’t miss at all.

Gai reached up and brushed the back of his fingers against Kakashi’s cheek, right underneath his left eye, like he could read his mind.

“Are you still up for a romantic rendezvous in our bed, My Love?” Gai felt the need to confirm with a cheeky grin, and Kakashi huffed out a small laugh and leaned down to kiss the tip of his nose.

“Well, I would, if I wasn’t currently being squished under this handsome man I know.” He mused.

“Hmn, sounds like quite the dilemma, Rokudaime-san, whatever shall you do?”

[sciderman]

hey sci.how do you get wades personality to a T! I desperately wanna make a comic but I’m worried I’ll fall short to his character.Any Tips?

oh bless you! i don't think there's any sort of guide to getting wade's character right - all the canon writers write him so, so differently - he really is the sort of character that can be anything the author needs him to be (for better or for worse)

i know i've received complaints over the years about how i portray wade - sometimes people think i make him too emotional, or what-have-you, but i think the biggest crime anyone can commit when writing wade is him not being funny. (i know, that's so, so subjective.) i think when wade falls short for me in the comics or in any characterisation it's usually down to me just not finding the jokes funny! i can kind of forgive anything at all, as long as it's funny.

i've seen a lot of more serious depictions of wade in fanfiction and it kind of throws me for a loop - he's a showman. he'll always be cracking a joke, and if he isn't, you're in trouble.

i think something i'm kind of obsessed with when writing wade is the intentionality behind his words and actions - he's kind of a master of deflection. i think i do love to see a hyper-competent wade, who only plays the part of the idiot because it's what the audience likes to see. he's never stupid, he's just unlucky. when things go wrong for him, it's not due to stupidity - it's either self-sabotage, or he's a victim of the narrative. i think that's where my depiction of wade differs from daddy nicieza's - i think daddy nicieza's wade is big stupid, most of the time.

himbo rights.

but even then, his wade isn't as big of an idiot as he acts. and a lot of it is an act. he's putting on a show. i love a wade wilson who's actually so much more intelligent than he lets show. a wade wilson who's perpetually holding all his cards to his chest because he doesn't want anyone to be able to pin him down or predict him.

all his cards. on terms of capability, and also his emotions. he's so calculated about what other people get to see of him, particularly when he's wearing the mask. (when he's out of the mask he has decidedly less control over what people see of him.)

i think there's a few things that turn me off from a deadpool characterisation - mostly when i see a wade that's too sugary (i think that's why i can't care very much for the most recent deadpool series) - wade always has demons to overcome. always. being heroic isn't something that comes naturally to him. it isn't something that comes naturally to anyone, but at least wade's honest about it.

i like to see a wade that's a jerk. because he is. he's always been. it's like, his first ever personality trait. he is a jerk. a selfish jerk. please, oh please god, do not forget that he's a selfish jerk. i really love portrayals of him that don't shy away from that, but make him endearing anyway. you really don't have to erase all the bad parts of a character to make them likeable. you really, really don't. those bad parts are the tasty bits. makes me keep coming back for more.

when i see a wade that is not a selfish jerk i am like "wha. whuh. who is that. that's not wade. that's not my son. why is he not spitting in my eye right now."

i kind of have to hate him just a little. that's like, the whole point. you're meant to love and hate wade simultaneously, all the time. anyone who loves wade knows this wholeheartedly. to love him is to hate him.

second to that, please don't ever make wade wilson a sexual predator. that's a real problem (hate that).

[qprsmackdown]

c!Emerald duo propaganda:

Let me tell you. We've got two guys. They live together. They live miles away from everyone else but they live in a little cabin in the snow together. They would die for each other. One HAS died for the other. One is in a monogamous relationship with the personification of death and the other is one of the most widely headcanoned aroace characters and it in no way ever devalues what is considered as one of the most unshakable relationships in the story

"For you the world" — Technoblade to Philza. They are so loyal to each other, legit the healthiest and strongest relationship in the fandom

"For you, the world, Phil." -Technoblade "Sometimes one friend is all you need." -Technoblade “I’m following Techno to the gates of hell... and if he wants to take over the world, god dammit I’m gonna help this man.” - Philza “I followed him to the ends of the earth, through fire and flames.“ - Philza (about Technoblade)

They live together. They kill together. They're raising a polar bear and a very anxious enderman hybrid. They committed so many war crimes and looked good doing it<3 "For you, the world" quote my beloved. Anarchism swag😎

Silly guys of all time! They took over the entire world together once <3 (pre-dsmp but still canon to dsmp) they blew up a country together <3 gotta love 2 guys who commit Literal Actual warcrimes. Also the way they trust eachother just unconditionally is just soo ouuuugggghghhhh i love them. iirc I remember a part where techno was basically just talking about how he'll basically never trust anyone again. TO Phil. Who was very obviously an unspoken exception to the "never trusting anyone" thing. It's been a while so idk if I remember it right but aaaouuuugggg their relationship was so good. Also "for you the world phil" AAAAAUUUUUUU (although the context of that line is much sillier than people usually remember but they are silly guys <3). Ooouugghhh I have so much I could talk about but it's late so I can't think of it right now but they are sooooooo important they are everything to me. This is kinda bad propaganda bc I don't know if I'm even remembering things right and am vaguely incorrect but AUGH. EMERALDDUO

Consider: the fanon immortals being very old friends thing which is a trope i will never not love, and also taking over the world with your qpp is so pogchamp of them

Two anarchist immortals who have been besties for an indeterminable amount of time, but at least for hundreds of years. Took over the Earth once just to show that they can. Back-To-Back Badasses. Each other's consciences and also enablers. Lived together in the middle of nowhere tundra biome, in connected little cottages with their bazillion pets.

THOSE BITCHES WERE LIVING IN THE ARCTIC TOGETHER IN THEIR GAY LITTLE COTTAGE WITH LIKE 100 ANIMALS!!!! They’d both often talk about how they’d kill and die for one another, they’ve been together for centuries despite Techno being all but confirmed Aroace and Philza being married to someone else!! I think they definitely had a QPR going on because like. The person you’re closest to and have lived alongside for god knows how long u gotta at least have SOMETHING going on there imo.

They are both imortal livelong best friends who have been there for each other through war and and other personal hardships They are partners in crime, both arnarchists who took down a nation together and both live in retirement together They only trust each other wholeheartedly (aka they both belive the other wont betray them) and Phil is the only person Techno feels he can be himself around (aka be soft around).

Apparently their qpr had drama in the past bc of this one fic but tbh i dont really get why These two are literally just. The best. There's absolutely no romance between them, but they're the closest of friends, and they care about each other so so much. And they deserve all the things. They live together in a house in the arctic in a commune for anarchists. Basically everyone in the Syndicate are their adopted children. 'For you, the world, Phil' -Technoblade (Just like to say this too, Techno is not Phil's son in the DSMP universe. It's been canonically confirmed.)

They’re two dudes who spend all their time together, built their houses next to each other (and connected it w a bridge), started a commune together, took over the world together, have FRIENDSHIP EMERALDS, and are genuinely such good friends (these are the characters but the irl guys were really good friends until techno died too)

Just a bird and his pig chilling as kings

"for you phil, the world" is treated like this big dramatic line as they take over smpearth but in context its bc they were arguing over something silly and techno laughed and conceded to him and like... just look at then they're ride or die besties emerald duo ftw (on a sadder note i constantly see philza wearing techno's merch on streams and videos and just... man i miss seeing them together)

immortal warriors who have promised to follow each other to the ends of the earth, through fire and flames. they are each others most trusted person without a doubt. when trying to retire from the wars that plagued the server, they both retired in an arctic tundra where they lived together.

These guys cant be seperate from each other anymore than like three days. Like, on top of also doing the antarctic empire together in earthSMP, they just moved to the arctic together to just enjoy life and retirement together. They understand each other like no other bc they've known each other forever. Also bc if we take the titles of bloodgod and angel of death literally you get something something being willing to spend eternity with the other because you care abt them. These two are fine being isolated from everybody else and chilling on their own bc thats all they need

Their relationship is defined by a connection that has lasted for centuries. Despite everything, they always go back to each other. They live together in a cabin in the arctic. They also like murdering together a little too much.

old men committed terrorism and then they settled down :)

For you Phil, the world Immortal best friends spend thousands of years together, conquer the world, found a empire. Phil has a kid with his goddess wife, Techno wind up joining the kids rebellion against the country he founded. When that goes wrong they start a commune called the Syndicate. They are so ride or die. I love them

please they live together theyre best friends theyre immortal together they love each other and phil is married to a god PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

[darkscaleswriter]

⭐️⭐️ *Tosses stars at you for the ask game*

(ask for a director’s cut on any of my fics!)

!!! thank you for giving me the opportunity to ramble :D

SO for Write Our Names in the Wet Concrete, which I just updated a couple days ago so it's still very much on the mind, I have many many feelings about casey junior (as I'm sure anyone can tell lol I'm not subtle). specifically, I have many feelings about his relationship with his mom, bad future!cassandra jones.

I know there was some stuff from the rottmnt crew on the former bird site or something (?) about how cassandra died when casey was pretty young and he was mostly raised by future leo, but I personally do not subscribe to that. not for his backstory in wonitwc, at least. as much as i love dad leo, it's important to me that he's just as much a jones as he is a hamato, especially given that he uses the jones last name.

anyway, many thoughts about the wonitwc iteration of bad future!cassandra jones under the cut, bc i uh. definitely rambled haha ^.^

(also, important note: a lot of my characterization and backstory for cassandra is probably inspired - both consciously and not - by the mean teen fighting machines fic series by @radishhqueen, which is an absolutely incredible character exploration series for april and cassandra that made me fall in love with cassandra jones as a character. please go read it if you have a chance, it's SO good!!!)

so in wonitwc, after cassandra found casey as a baby and decided to raise him, she fully committed. it definitely wasn't an easy decision to take a step back from field work, but a baby is a 24/7 job, and the shift to handling the more organizational/admin side of the growing resistance (as mentioned in chapter 10) helped her feel less like she was costing the group by making others fight in her place. she never regretted that decision, but I think there were a few times she came close. maybe when a mission party would come back having lost someone because they didn't have enough eyes, maybe when a scout never returned after running into a trap that she knew she could've spotted.

as a parent, i think that cassandra was, honestly, not too different from what we see of her in the show lol. a bit more even-keeled with age, but still wholeheartedly committed to everything she put her mind to and not shy about it, which is why i find it extremely funny that casey somehow turned out a Good Kid (TM) who listens to authority (mostly) and respects his elders (unless theyre wrong). he's definitely got moments when his temper breaks, like when he yells at teen leo in the movie, but on the whole, his brand of feral is less… loud, i guess. not sure that's the best way to describe it but it's all my brain is coming up with right now haha.

part of casey's comparatively calmer personality can probably be attributed to the turtles and april, who also played large parts in raising him, but it's not like they're chill either. the final movie opening didn't get to really show this, but in the storyboards for a previous version of the movie's opening, it's shown that future leo has still retained a lot of teen leo's goofiness, though it's hard to say how much of that is performative. at any rate, i interpreted that as showing that the turtles were still themselves in the bad future, at least in some small part.

speaking of the turtles!! my general headcanon is that they and april informally adopt cassandra as family at some point in the future, and joke that she's a distant cousin since the hamato clan started as an offshoot of the foot clan. they get very emotional when cassandra decides to include "hamato" as part of casey junior's full name, which is a real whiplash moment from their reactions when she told them she was going to name him directly after herself lmao. anyway, casey junior grows up knowing that he's a part of the hamato clan, in name and spirit if not by blood.

cassandra was definitely grateful for the help raising casey junior, too. i don't think she ever really considered herself a single parent - raising casey was very much a team effort, even if she was his primary caregiver. cassandra is the only person that casey ever used a parental title for, though. i think she first started teaching casey to address the others by their titles out of ingrained tradition (foot clan was traditional in an oddly random assortment of ways lol) but then let him keep doing it bc it was funny. this does not help casey's Good Kid (TM) image haha.

cassandra's feelings on becoming a hamato, meanwhile, are initially mixed. on one hand, nothing brings people together like an external threat that's in the process of ending the world, so she's bonded a lot with the remaining members of the hamato clan in the apocalypse. on the other hand, she was still in the midst of finding herself after leaving the foot clan when the apocalypse hit, and the invasion triggered by her former cult definitely did not help with that. especially not when she had to put down the krang-infected foot brute and foot lieutenant. i debated taking that out, since it got darker than i expected, but it felt fitting for the tone of the chapter, so. sorry, cassandra :P

i think that cassandra's relationship with her sensei's was very much a "it didn't change anything, but it matters that the love was there" situation. they did terrible things, but they were her only family for a long time, and they cared about her. i don't think she ever fully reconciled with that. there's a reason she never really talked about them to casey junior, besides the fact that reminding people in the apocalypse that she was a former member of the clan that started said apocalypse by summoning the krang would've been a terrible idea.

but. there were times, especially when casey was little, that cassandra would catch herself wishing she could show him off to her senseis. the brute would let casey ride around on his shoulders while the lieutenant would teach him how to fold perfect origami. in another world, maybe those would've been casey junior's eccentric grandpas, visiting on alternate weekends to spoil him. fighting splinter for the position of "favorite grandparent," lol.

maybe something like that could happen far in the future of wonitwc, depending on how things go. we'll see!

[mouseymousey]

Kung Fu Panda Headcanon

I always see jokes on the internet that Po is the Dragon Warrior by chance, because he's a fast food worker, etc. I think the real reason he's the Dragon Warrior is because of his body mass, and when watching the movie from this perspective, everything seems to click into place. For one, Po first ends up in front of Grand Master Oogway because he was late, something that happened solely because he was unable to climb the stairs on his way to the temple. His love of Kung Fu and the Furious Five meant he still made it to the top, full of the dedication and commitment. Both his body type hindering his speed and his dedication to Kung Fu make him get to the temple at the exact right time to become the Dragon Warrior, even if he doesn't realize it then. Instead of giving up (even though he has had the chance to twice cow from the lack of accessibility AND the doors shutting him out), he builds a rocket system. This rocket system would have probably worked to get over the wall on a smaller person. He goes a good ways up and over the wall and picks up a lot of speed. However, he's too heavy, landing him in the center of the arena instead of an empty area in the back he could have quietly snuck into the crowd from. Again, his body mass and dedication were the main contributors to him becoming the Dragon Warrior. Think of Master Oogway. He's fast for a turtle, but knowing that most people in this universe take on characteristics of their animal counterparts (like birds with flight), he probably wasn't taken seriously as a fighter when he was younger, but he became a Grand Master anyway. Despite being looked down upon and not believed in, he became a wonderful and well-respected Kung Fu fighter. He also, due to his shell, was probably very skilled in defensive combat. This would be the main fighting techniques his predecessor would teach to Po, and his age (being an elder turtle) is probably why he believed in fate so strongly. Grand Master Oogway is very old, and he can tell when fate is in action or not from his years of wisdom and experience. Master Shifu, an opposite force to Oogway, is hyper and fast. He specializes in offensive combat. He doesn't respect Po because he is quick to judge him, but he's also quick to get over his first thoughts when he sees Po's natural skill. In the cookie scene, Po reaches Monkey's cookies on the top shelf in a matter of seconds. Having a bird as a father, Po probably had to learn to climb at a very early age up and down the shelving that his father could easily fly up. Ladders would break under his weight (even ones made for hogs), so he has to climb onto the shelves themselves. He's also a panda, meaning he should be able to climb up bamboo shoots, so he can climb up 13,000 feet. Po is the perfect Dragon Warrior because he is a being of perfect balance. He has equal offensive and defensive fighting techniques and a powerful dedication to his home, his people, and his art form. When Shifu is ready to retreat, he refuses to. During the final battle, Tai Lung attacks him swiftly. He's the fastest, faster than any opponent the Valley of Peace has, however, Po begins wholeheartedly laughing at his attack, leaving him confused. Po doesn't need to be quicker than Tai Lung because the punches are absorbed into his body fat. His agility allows him to go on both the offensive and defensive in a way no other animal could have archived in its lifetime. It leaves Tai Lung feeling out of place, confused, and dizzy. He has never fought an opponent like this. It's only then that Po pulls out his finishing move, something anyone else would have glanced over, but Po is a fanboy. He pulls out the Wuxi Finger Hold. He's both warn out his opponent and trained hard enough to pull it off. Every other person who learns Kung Fu in this universe specializes in one natural attribute and spends there whole life perfecting it, but Po was able and willing to learn from everyone he met, including those that didn't have lives tied to Kung Fu like his father. He's the perfect Dragon Warrior because of his range. :D

[nowherequiet]

On Regret: Echo Chambers and the Importance of Values in Gaining Ownership Over Ourselves

I recently have been thinking that I don't have many substantial regrets regarding my past, and that's because I believe regret, along with guilt, are the consequences of actions which are in disagreement with our values. To put it simply, we have higher chances of regretting something we've done impulsively or when our judgement was clouded, rather than something which was analysed thoroughly.

Regret cannot be avoided, and it shouldn't be, as it has its role in our social development and a healthy amount of regret could set us back on the right track sometimes. However, I believe there are ways of minimising it by staying true to our values, with all the actions it involves like being in touch with ourselves, setting boundaries, taking time to reflect, and acting in a way that accurately represents how we are within.

I believe our nature is to be good, as good as an animalic nature can be. (Here I make an exception to the obvious rarer cases in which extreme circumstances or neurological imbalances drive others to commit heinous crimes and have a severe lack of empathy. The essay is aimed towards the largest demographic, the average person). Yes, it is easier to harm than do good, and yes, we are inclined towards selfishness and cynicism, but I'm certain that comes from a hyper fixation on the things exterior to ourselves. In short, in my opinion (and John Stuart Mill's), people can be better individuals and be content with each other if first and foremost, they are at peace with who they are.

We don't need to fix the society, we need to fix the individual, but we can only fix him if he wants to. No help can be given forcefully.

Whenever people notice deviant, harmful behaviours, they all start yelling "Let's do better! Let's be more united! We need more love!" in unison. Or, they wish them the worst. Neither of these approaches help in any way, and if anything, only reveals the character of the one who points the finger. To those people, I don't wish happiness, love nor to find God. Instead, I wish they can get to the essence of who they are, live according to their values, and be able to say wholeheartedly one day that they are glad they did so, as it's a state just as rewarding as it is difficult to get to.

We're constantly being bombarded with all sorts of information, to the point that it feels as if we don't have any discernment over our actions, and that our minds are everything but our own. I believe that this might be a hugely overlooked reason why more and more people seem to have identities fluid to the point of disassociation, being easily propagandised and radicalised against one another, turning towards all sorts of distractions to stop themselves from introspection, and being overall extremely dissatisfied with their lives (whether they like to admit it to themselves or not).

Without beating too much around the bush, it is obvious that technology evolved way quicker than humans could realistically properly adapt to. Here, by adaptation I don't mean being able to learn a new gadget with ease, but the deeper implications of what having to give in to endless new devices and media implies. Socially, mentally, and most importantly, spiritually, humans weren't ready for such a rapid technological development. And this is precisely why, despite living in the so-called most convenient times, the omnipresent frustration which can be felt every time you go on the internet is evident.

A behaviour I noticed among my close ones' social media usage, and which I'm sure represents a common practice, is that whenever a new post catches one's attention, before even finishing to read or listen to the entire video, the person opens the comment section. This pattern is so wide-spread, that many videos which have even the slightest shock effect to them, one of the top comments will always be somewhere among the lines of "I ran straight to the comments when I saw-".

"Humans are social animals, of course it is instinctual to constantly seek a sense of community and be concerned with what others will think" you'll say, and that is something I won't argue against. But now the current context makes me involuntarily draw a parallel in my head whether this extreme of a concern for others' opinions has always been part of our society, or is something that we are yet to become aware of as is a phenomenon still so fresh. Naturally, is easier to analyse the past: it gives us a bunch of information which we can put together like a puzzle should we wish to dedicate some of our time to it. While in the middle of an event, the judgement is clouded by all the information we're fed. It's difficult to accurately judge how big a crowd is until you're out of it and you see it from a distance.

'How do you even get out?', you might ask. And to that I will answer 'One step at a time'. 'And how do you know when to get out?'. 'When you start feeling suffocated.'

However, through the refusal to engage in this mass-psychosis, it is essentially impossible to live in today's society. And as much as I do recommend occasional periods of minimal contact with others, I am aware it's increasingly more difficult to have the privilege to do so, and that it is also certainly not for everyone; just as it can be beneficial, if approached incorrectly, it can also cause more harm than good. So the key approach towards engaging with today's media and overall culture, all while keeping a sense of autonomy over ourselves, is moderation, self-awareness, combined with the so-needed grain of skepticism.

With the constant exposure to information, and the implicit impossibility of avoiding it altogether, it naturally becomes extremely difficult to accurately categorise everything that's thrown at us. 'Thankfully', the internet gets to decide to categorise everything for us, including what kind of person we are and what is suitable for us through the ever-present algorithm. As with any kind of categorisation, while it seemingly benefits the one who makes the assumption and gives them clues on how to best approach another, it comes at the disadvantage of the one who is put in a box. Why? Because it makes it increasingly difficult for the 'victim' to be seen as anything more than X or Y and further isolates the individual into a space 'suitable for others like him'.

So while a person can now much easier find communities of other people exactly like them thanks to the algorithm, it also limits their expansion anywhere further beyond that space. If a social platform picked on the fact that you like cooking videos, gaming, and cats, that's all you will ever see on your page unless you decide to look for something else. From a highly-complex individual perspective, the way the algorithm works will never seem advantageous, human beings are more than a 2D image on a screen, can (and absolutely should) have more than the maximum of 5 interests, and the internet is not designed in any way that does human individual complexity and overall social development any justice. If anything, through excessive internet usage, people are developing in a strangely-linear, inhuman way.

In relation to this, I can't seem to avoid mentioning an idea I came to recently. The internet, through the way it's designed, feeds into a false sense of identity and community which is exclusively valid within its parameters, and automatically cancels out when returning to the real world. Through engagement with digital echo chambers*, the individual gains a feeling of an utopian community that is fundamentally null when not in a virtual space.

After repeatedly gaining sense of comfort through the overestimation of the prevalence of people similar to them, when the daily real life seems to be otherwise, the frustration one feels is much more intense than if they weren't to experience any sense of community to begin with. A notable disadvantage of habit.

*The term of digital echo chambers was coined and popularised by Korean-born German philosopher Byung Chul Han, whose philosophy thoroughly analyses the implications of the prevalent Internet culture over our social and emotional development. Another related philosophical concept worth looking into is the one of the digital panopticon, which in large terms addresses the influence online surveillance has over our wellbeing. But I might approach those specific ideas in more detail in a future essay.

When belonging into any sort of community, online or offline, you naturally get 'plagued' with ideas, ideals, and images of how the typical person from the group should be like which the members more or less consciously adopt. The absolutely necessary parallel to draw and carefully observe in this particular situation and which connects to the entire concept of values as a way of minimising regret, is the following:

A person unsure in themselves will see the community as an advantage, with an extreme appeal; after all, it gives them the opportunity to 'explore' who they are. A person who already knows what they stand for and what they believe in will see the community as disadvantageous, and will be substantially more hesitant to engage in group activities.

It is important to note that here I'm not advising being close-minded and firmly rejecting everything that stands in opposition to what you think ('I will not be dancing with you at your birthday party because I am not a dancer'). Staying open-minded is very much in the centre of the grey area of self-discovery, while communities of any sort tend to step out of the grey area.

'But you can learn so much from within a community!'. Yes, you can, but can learning from one side of the coin only be considered valid knowledge? And are you doing it because you want to learn something, or because you lack a sense of self and are seeking to be attributed a definition from outside? Certainly, most people are in the second category, but very few, if any at all, would have the courage to admit it.

Most times, knowing alone doesn't seem to be enough when part of a group, as many of them have systems similar to a loyalty card when it comes to how dedicated one is to the cause they're promoting, and how 'good' of a member they are. The first example I can think of is the notorious Christian missionaries, as I believe everyone has interacted with them at least once and probably even viewed them poorly for being so 'brain-washed' at times. Of course, it is much easier to notice certain behaviours in others, and especially when they show up as religious extremism, but instead of pointing fingers, we should take it as an opportunity to self-reflect.

'Oh, but I'm not extremist like they are and I'm not trying to convert anyone!'. I'm not suggesting self-reflection for this reason alone. Obviously, no two cases will be the same, and just because you might be an atheist doesn't mean the advice doesn't apply to you. Think of how many times you acted extreme in discussions with others, of any nature, but particularly in the ones concerning debating of some kind. In my opinion, if you find it impossible to stay composed during a debate and not turn aggressive or persuasive, you shouldn't engage in debates. Not being able to have an objective conversation, and repeatedly implying the another is of lower intelligence unless they share your point of view is substantially more disrespectful and shameful than simply refusing to discuss to begin with.

That is something I'm still working on myself. For this reason, I'm extremely selective with who I choose to engage with in conversations of sensitive matter. The ones who use the internet and television as their main information source are automatically ineligible for the reasons previously mentioned. It takes two people to tango, and it is up to each of us to learn how to dance before we step on a stage.

'But only through conversation we can get to the essence of things!'. Yes and no, and that depends exclusively on the type of person you choose to discuss with. Anybody who thinks radically will not respect your opinion, and a debate should be had only in the case you fancy arguing and winning yourself an enemy for free. It is also important to consider the person's education, and here I don't mean formal education (diplomas and certificates aren't proof of intelligence, but that's an essay for another time), but how wide their general knowledge is. The wider the knowledge, the higher the chances they will be able to see your perspective as well even when at opposite poles.

Just as it is important to choose our information sources carefully, it is equally important to know who we can have certain conversations with, and who to be more careful around.

When discussing politics for example, knowledge in politics alone doesn't instantly make one apt enough to be having political debates with others. In order to properly analyse an event in its entirety, knowledge of economics, history, sociology, and even cultural psychology is needed. So a bit of self-awareness regarding the size of our boat is necessary before we decide to embark on a difficult journey. Having someone else make you feel foolish is a shameful ego hit. Admitting to yourself that you are a bit of a fool, recognising when a situation is out of your expertise, and choosing to not embark on the boat until you feel better prepared is a much wiser decision.

Especially if you hold unconventional beliefs and you wish to live harmoniously with lots of people, I advise not sharing them freely with everyone not because they don't deserve to be heard, but because once they are out in the world, people use them to judge your value based on them. People promote freedom of speech, but realistically, they don't want to surround themselves with people who contradict and question their worldview. While someone might not instantly turn against you after you voiced your opinion, you can still notice a slight expression of disappointment and disgust. That is, because it's easier to moralise others, and a lot of people would much rather close their ears off and point fingers than attempt to understand; the latter requiring a level of understanding that a majority hasn't reached within themselves.

How could you pour into another's cup when your jug is empty?

So you have to choose between lying and betraying yourself for the sake of social harmony, and leaving the constraints behind to live the difficult, yet increasingly rewarding individualism. Friends and family aim to teach us how to be better with others. Time spent alone teaches you how to be better by yourself.

Turn your attention within and keep digging. You will find your heart beating, and underneath it lies your truth.

So, if you want to learn something new, and objectively be able to analyse for yourself what is closest to the truth, is best to keep searching independently and quiet down your mind from others' screams. When alone, you are absolutely free to make mistakes, correct and come back to a different result over and over again. You are your own judge. And what better way to exercise your judgement and power other than when you have complete freedom over both action and consequence? You can either rise or bury yourself; it's entirely your responsibility to keep yourself balanced.

Most importantly, it makes you value time, and not take others' presence for granted whenever you do choose to pursue relationships with others. As you grow to see the time spent alone highly, you become increasingly aware of how you get to spend it, and most importantly, on who.

In the age of technology, attention is the most valuable thing we could offer as consumers. Attention, just as time, is something that many give to others freely without thinking much about it. As it isn't a physical good which we can feel with our hands and see with our eyes, we don't seem to be as attached to it as we would be with our valuables. Paradoxically, the things which we don't keep track of, seem to slip through our fingers the fastest, and we wake up one day to realise we threw years, decades of our lives in the fountain. If there is something we should, and it is absolutely justified to be selfish with, that is our time.

No matter what you do, there'll always be regrets. But no regret is worse than realising you lived a life that's not yours; a life full of rules that weren't your own, opinions you didn't come to yourself, experiences you never got to experience first-hand. A life without a clear beginning, with an ambiguous open conclusion.

22:50, Sun 10.11.24

[gerbelx2000-blog]

Confession about P5

I am well aware of the crimes the Persona 5 villains committed. And I despise their actions wholeheartedly. I mean, you won’t see or hear me enjoying smut fanfics of dangerous people such as Jeffery D**mer, T*d B**dy, that elf rapist from SAO.

I just get tired of getting beaten over the head(even if they haven’t talked to me) over the fact that “Hey, this villain is BAD because he does BAD THINGS!” With not only tumblr post rants but also…UGH M-Rated fan fictions(like, SERIOUSLY can I get one piece where villains aren’t being assholes?!)

I’m a sucker for villain Headcanons(like Kamoshida being bisexual for example) and redemptions. I just like seeing new stuff that doesn’t involve hammering my skull with “X is bad! Y is good!”

Villains being evil for the sake of being evil isn’t always good writing. In fact, it’s often times lazy writing.

Also there is unseen footage of Kamoshida’s backstory as to how he got to be the bastard that he is. Sum up: He wasn’t always this predatory or this arrogant, in fact he was just nervous and just wanted a friend who can understand them. If only he had time to get therapy, then maybe he wouldn’t be so horrible. But sadly Atlus wouldn’t want that in their M-Rated Game.

This isn’t me being a criminal apologist, kids shouldn’t be raped or physically assaulted, extorted, or other harmful ways. But I just get tired of villains being nothing more than a fuel for the character’s and other Internet people’s fiery rage.

(I don’t want to get into heated debates involving this topic. I just like to say my opinion)

Sorry for my rambling. I’m sorry if it’s bad.

[evansbby]

OH MY GOD MENS ICKSSS- like there are few for me but when i get them its like an allergic reaction!

- when they do those internet dances FUCK ICK!! like the Dab or something fuck. (Except for that one video where benedict cucumber did it cyz that... that confused me. that made me produce an egg. NEXT.)

-slippers... idfk... sandals. mens toes are ew. with the fucking long hair on their toes and theyre so UNAPOLOGETIC about how thick and fat their toes are fucking GAG.

- when they flip their coat/shirt collars up (except for benedict as sherlock??? shit. AGAIN IDK WHY i might have to look into this and self refect.)

- when they have those super unfunny group chats with their friends where they talk as if theyre all geniuses ahead of the game wtf why do all men have those group chats??? and its never funny??? but they think it is??? everytime i catch a glimpse of it im like bitch the fuck 😭 im funnier than that surely. and they sound so fucking dumb everytime but PROUD. ick vicky wicky.

- when they cant deal with standing in lines. its like theyre too cool for it. bro no, you don't clean ur nails, stand in line like a normal human being and accept the shame u weirdly associate with being patient.

- when men barely talk to their children during family outings... thats just asking for me to commit a hate crime. not even an ick.

- cartoon shirts... anime shirts... quote shirts... id rather they wear banana patterns t shirts or something like... ITS FINE WHEN IM UNINTERESTED IN THE DUDE but like after fhat i cant help but look at it and wonder... "doth he hentai?" and then "is thee childish???" and then it makes me hate myself because im judging them way to hard and its double damage. coz im ick with him and ick with myself 😔

- SMOKING which is less icky then FUCKING VAPING WHAT. Both gives me loser vibes fucking pupping in a desolate corner every hour, begging for a light maybe. standing around awkwardly with people and delighting in your addiction. the whole thing is super mega ducky ick. Like WHY??? (the only exception is tommy shelby and sherlock- SPECIFICALLY the fictional characters. I saw benedict on the streets once and phsically cringed and crossed the street i wish i was joking thats how bad my ick was.)

- Long hair. no no i know some guys apparently look hot in it but i dont SEE it and i REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. i had to INVESTIGATE for years why people found harry styles hot and had to cover the sides of his head with my hands to see him in short hair to understand he had potential. not. one. guy. with long hair looks hot. nope. even daemon i was like hUh? until he showed up in that one ep with short hair and i was like 🤤 Papa? Be my uncle ❤️ then his L'Oreal hair came back and he looked like a 🐴

- guys who try to be fashionable but they just look so shit. with the fuckin berets and big leather pants and vests and gun harneses 🙂‍↕️ my guy u look like what invented delete. like some dudes can do the shit out of and it just works but my guy... a clean shirt and some black trousers...

- guy sending sexy selfies... like who r u pouting for my dude 😭 just smile please 🤌✨

idk if these are icks but i felt these to my soul 🥹 im sorry its long i just had to get it off my chest HAHAH

luv u xoxo

-🐝🖖

oh wow bestie this is some list!!!

if by internet dances you mean like the tiktok dances then yes i wholeheartedly agree.. my man should ONLY have a tiktok for watching purposes. if he posts a thirst trap or him dancing to some trending song then that's it, he's not my man anymore lmfaoo. like that's so CRINGE tiktok dances are for the girlies!!! my man needs to have minimal social media presence hehe.

i kinda agree with the sandals one but i don't mind when men wear sliders sometimes in a casual way haha.

boys group chats are the worst most misogynistic cesspools of debauchery ever like truly boys are SO LAME when with their dumb friends so agree with that one.

i've never met a man who can't deal with standing in lines lol but tbh I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE therefore i myself hate standing in lines lmfaooo so my man would have to be the opposite of me. although i understand this one so this isn't an ick for me.

[heppimate]

Slow Fashion, Fast Feelings: What Your Wardrobe Says About Your Attachment Style?

So here’s a weird thought: What if your love life and your wardrobe had more in common than you think? Welcome to Week 6, where we’re stitching together sustainability and emotional chaos, aka: Slow Fashion Movement x Attachment Styles ;)

Slow Fashion Movement 101

Slow fashion is a movement that pushes back against the chaotic mess of fast fashion. It advocates for:

Fair treatment of garment workers (Henninger et al., 2017)

Environmental sustainability (Chi et al., 2021)

Respect for cultural craftsmanship and long-term values (Domingos, 2022)

It can be said that, while fast fashion encourages impulse, overconsumption, and burnout (relatable?), slow fashion leans into intention, care, and commitment. You know, like a healthy relationship ;) just like the secure attachment style below...

Secure Attachment Style: “I care, and I’m not here for the clout.”

According to John Bowlby (1969) and later finalized by Mary Ainsworth (1978), attachment theory explains how individuals form emotional bonds and navigate relationships based on their early experiences, shaping patterns of trust, intimacy, and dependency throughout life.

People with a secure attachment style know what they want and support it wholeheartedly - whether it’s a partner or a movement on social media.

Example: David and Victoria Beckham

Since meeting in 1997, they’ve supported each other’s careers - Victoria’s slow fashion label and David’s steady sports legacy (with coordinated outfits along the way). This reflects consumer behavior driven by long-term values: commitment to sustainability, emotional connection to craftsmanship, and high perceived consumer effectiveness (PCE) (Chi et al., 2021).

People with a secure attachment style tend to support the slow fashion movement because they genuinely align with its values. They believe in ethical change, take the time to educate themselves, and share the message out of love, not social pressure.

Anxious Attachment Style: “I Follow Slow Fashion Because It’s Trending”

Some people join the slow fashion movement not out of values, but out of fear of being left out. They repost every infographic, join every trend, and burn out quickly because their motivation is external validation. This echoes anxious attachment styles, where people latch onto causes in hopes of feeling worthy or accepted. It’s not about slowness - it’s about being seen doing the right thing (Chi et al., 2021; Ajzen, 1991).

📺 Example: YOU (Netflix)

Joe’s obsessive behavior mirrors anxious attachment. He stalks, manipulates, and controls Beck - not out of love, but out of fear of abandonment. He needs constant closeness and validation, even if it means… trapping people in a bookstore cage.

Just like anxious consumers might cling to movements like slow fashion for identity, Joe clings to love like it's a limited edition drop!

Avoidant Attachment Style: “I’d Rather Be Alone… And Sponsored”

Avoidantly attached people might intellectually agree with slow fashion but keep their distance emotionally. They don't engage in dialogue, avoid activism that feels “too much,” and support from afar.

This passive participation reflects a discomfort with vulnerability and accountability. In digital activism terms, it's the equivalent of liking every post... but never sharing your thoughts or joining conversations (Theocharis et al., 2022).

In The End: It’s All About Education...

Whether we’re talking about fashion or love, it all comes down to how people are educated and supported. NGOs, brands, and even families play a role in teaching conscious care - both in what we buy and how we love.

Because in the end, a well-made linen shirt (or a securely attached partner) isn’t just for show. It’s for keeps.

So, let’s be honest: Are you here for the movement, the mood board, or both?

Let me know what kind of slow fashion lover you are - and no, “emotionally unavailable but eco-conscious” isn’t off the table. 😉

References Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.

Brewer, J. (2019). Slow fashion in a fast fashion world: Promoting sustainability and responsibility. [PDF]. https://doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.15729.76641

Chi, T., Wu, Y., Wang, Y., & Zhang, M. (2021). Understanding consumers’ intention to purchase sustainable fashion products: The moderating role of future orientation. Sustainability, 13(3), 1681. https://doi.org/10.3390/su13031681

Domingos, R., Rausch, A., & Christophel, M. (2022). A systematic literature review on slow fashion: Exploring sustainable consumption in the fashion industry. Sustainability, 14(21), 13937. https://doi.org/10.3390/su142113937

Henninger, C. E. (2016). What is sustainable fashion? Journal of Fashion Marketing and Management: An International Journal, 20(4), 400–416. https://doi.org/10.1108/JFMM-07-2015-0052

[contagion808]

On Regret: Echo Chambers and the Importance of Values in Gaining Ownership Over Ourselves

I recently have been thinking that I don’t have very few substantial regrets regarding my past, and that’s because I believe regret, along with guilt, are the consequences of actions which are in disagreement with our values. To put it simply, we have higher chances of regretting something we’ve done impulsively or when our judgement was clouded, rather than something which was analysed thoroughly.

Regret cannot be avoided, and it shouldn’t be, as it has its role in our social development and a healthy amount of regret could set us back on the right track sometimes. However, I believe there are ways of minimising it by staying true to our values, with all the actions it involves like being in touch with ourselves, setting boundaries, taking time to reflect, and acting in a way that accurately represents how we are within.

I believe our nature is to be good, as good as an animalic nature can be. (Here I make an exception to the obvious rarer cases in which extreme circumstances or neurological imbalances drive others to commit heinous crimes and have a severe lack of empathy. The essay is aimed towards the largest demographic, the average person). Yes, it is easier to harm than do good, and yes, we are inclined towards selfishness and cynicism, but I’m certain that comes from a hyper fixation on the things exterior to ourselves. In short, in my opinion (and John Stuart Mill’s), people can be better individuals and be content with each other if first and foremost, they are at peace with who they are.

We don’t need to fix the society, we need to fix the individual, but we can only fix him if he wants to. No help can be given forcefully.

Whenever people notice deviant, harmful behaviours, they all start yelling “Let’s do better! Let’s be more united! We need more love!” in unison. Or, they wish them the worst. Neither of these approaches help in any way, and if anything, only reveals the character of the one who points the finger. To those people, I don’t wish happiness, love nor to find God. Instead, I wish they can get to the essence of who they are, live according to their values, and be able to say wholeheartedly one day that they are glad they did so, as it’s a state just as rewarding as it is difficult to get to.

We’re constantly being bombarded with all sorts of information, to the point that it feels as if we don’t have any discernment over our actions, and that our minds are everything but our own. I believe that this might be a hugely overlooked reason why more and more people seem to have identities fluid to the point of disassociation, being easily propagandised and radicalised against one another, turning towards all sorts of distractions to stop themselves from introspection, and being overall extremely dissatisfied with their lives (whether they like to admit it to themselves or not).

Without beating too much around the bush, it is obvious that technology evolved way quicker than humans could realistically properly adapt to. Here, by adaptation I don’t mean being able to learn a new gadget with ease, but the deeper implications of what having to give in to endless new devices and media implies. Socially, mentally, and most importantly, spiritually, humans weren’t ready for such a rapid technological development. And this is precisely why, despite living in the so-called most convenient times, the omnipresent frustration which can be felt every time you go on the internet is evident.

A behaviour I noticed among my close ones’ social media usage, and which I’m sure represents a common practice, is that whenever a new post catches one’s attention, before even finishing to read or listen to the entire video, the person opens the comment section. This pattern is so wide-spread, that many videos which have even the slightest shock effect to them, one of the top comments will always be somewhere among the lines of “I ran straight to the comments when I saw-”.

“Humans are social animals, of course it is instinctual to constantly seek a sense of community and be concerned with what others will think” you’ll say, and that is something I won’t argue against. But now the current context makes me involuntarily draw a parallel in my head whether this extreme of a concern for others’ opinions has always been part of our society, or is something that we are yet to become aware of as is a phenomenon still so fresh. Naturally, is easier to analyse the past: it gives us a bunch of information which we can put together like a puzzle should we wish to dedicate some of our time to it. While in the middle of an event, the judgement is clouded by all the information we’re fed. It’s difficult to accurately judge how big a crowd is until you’re out of it and you see it from a distance.

‘How do you even get out?’, you might ask. And to that I will answer 'One step at a time’. 'And how do you know when to get out?’. 'When you start feeling suffocated.’

However, through the refusal to engage in this mass-psychosis, it is essentially impossible to live in today’s society. And as much as I do recommend occasional periods of minimal contact with others, I am aware it’s increasingly more difficult to have the privilege to do so, and that it is also certainly not for everyone; just as it can be beneficial, if approached incorrectly, it can also cause more harm than good. So the key approach towards engaging with today’s media and overall culture, all while keeping a sense of autonomy over ourselves, is moderation, self-awareness, combined with the so-needed grain of skepticism.

With the constant exposure to information, and the implicit impossibility of avoiding it altogether, it naturally becomes extremely difficult to accurately categorise everything that’s thrown at us. 'Thankfully’, the internet gets to decide to categorise everything for us, including what kind of person we are and what is suitable for us through the ever-present algorithm. As with any kind of categorisation, while it seemingly benefits the one who makes the assumption and gives them clues on how to best approach another, it comes at the disadvantage of the one who is put in a box. Why? Because it makes it increasingly difficult for the 'victim’ to be seen as anything more than X or Y and further isolates the individual into a space 'suitable for others like him’.

So while a person can now much easier find communities of other people exactly like them thanks to the algorithm, it also limits their expansion anywhere further beyond that space. If a social platform picked on the fact that you like cooking videos, gaming, and cats, that’s all you will ever see on your page unless you decide to look for something else. From a highly-complex individual perspective, the way the algorithm works will never seem advantageous, human beings are more than a 2D image on a screen, can have more than the maximum of 5 interests, and the internet is not designed in any way that does human individual complexity justice. If anything, through excessive internet usage, people are developing in a strangely-linear, inhuman way.

In relation to this, I can’t seem to avoid mentioning an idea I came to recently. The internet, through the way it’s designed, feeds into a false sense of identity and community which is exclusively valid within its parameters, and automatically cancels out when returning to the real world. Through engagement in echo chambers, the individual gains a feeling of an utopian community that is fundamentally null when not in a virtual space.

After repeatedly gaining sense of comfort through the overestimation of the prevalence of people similar to them, when the daily real life seems to be otherwise, the frustration one feels is much more intense than if they weren’t to experience any sense of community to begin with. A notable disadvantage of habit.

When belonging into any sort of community, online or offline, you naturally get 'plagued’ with ideas, ideals, and images of how the typical person from the group should be like which the members more or less consciously adopt. The absolutely necessary parallel to draw and carefully observe in this particular situation and which connects to the entire concept of values as a way of minimising regret, is the following:

A person unsure in themselves will see the community as an advantage, with an extreme appeal; after all, it gives them the opportunity to 'explore’ who they are. A person who already knows what they stand for and what they believe in will see the community as disadvantageous, and will be substantially more hesitant to engage in group activities.

It is important to note that here I’m not advising being close-minded and firmly rejecting everything that stands in opposition to what you think ('I will not be dancing with you at your birthday party because I am not a dancer’). Staying open-minded is very much in the centre of the grey area of self-discovery, while communities of any sort tend to step out of the grey area.

'But you can learn so much from within a community!’. Yes, you can, but can learning from one side of the coin only be considered valid knowledge? And are you doing it because you want to learn something, or because you lack a sense of self and are seeking to be attributed a definition from outside? Certainly, most people are in the second category, but very few, if any at all, would have the courage to admit it.

Most times, knowing alone doesn’t seem to be enough when part of a group, as many of them have systems similar to a loyalty card when it comes to how dedicated one is to the cause they’re promoting, and how 'good’ of a member they are. The first example I can think of is the notorious Christian missionaries, as I believe everyone has interacted with them at least once and probably even viewed them poorly for being so 'brain-washed’ at times. Of course, it is much easier to notice certain behaviours in others, and especially when they show up as religious extremism, but instead of pointing fingers, we should take it as an opportunity to self-reflect.

'Oh, but I’m not extremist like they are and I’m not trying to convert anyone!’. I’m not suggesting self-reflection for this reason alone. Obviously, no two cases will be the same, and just because you might be an atheist doesn’t mean the advice doesn’t apply to you. Think of how many times you acted extreme in discussions with others, of any nature, but particularly in the ones concerning debating of some kind. In my opinion, if you find it impossible to stay composed during a debate and not turn aggressive or persuasive, you shouldn’t engage in debates. Not being able to have an objective conversation, and repeatedly implying the another is of lower intelligence unless they share your point of view is substantially more disrespectful and shameful than simply refusing to discuss to begin with.

That is something I’m still working on myself. For this reason, I’m extremely selective with who I choose to engage with in conversations of sensitive matter. The ones who use the internet and television as their main information source are automatically ineligible for the reasons previously mentioned. It takes two people to tango, and it is up to each of us to learn how to dance before we step on a stage.

'But only through conversation we can get to the essence of things!’. Yes and no, and that depends exclusively on the type of person you choose to discuss with. Anybody who thinks radically will not respect your opinion, and a debate should be had only in the case you fancy arguing and winning yourself an enemy for free. It is also important to consider the person’s education, and here I don’t mean formal education (diplomas and certificates aren’t proof of intelligence, but that’s an essay for another time), but how wide their general knowledge is. The wider the knowledge, the higher the chances they will be able to see your perspective as well even when at opposite poles.

Just as it is important to choose our information sources carefully, it is equally important to know who we can have certain conversations with, and who to be more careful around.

When discussing politics for example, knowledge in politics alone doesn’t instantly make one apt enough to be having political debates with others. In order to properly analyse an event in its entirety, knowledge of economics, history, sociology, and even cultural psychology is needed. So a bit of self-awareness regarding the size of our boat is necessary before we decide to embark on a difficult journey. Having someone else make you feel foolish is a shameful ego hit. Admitting to yourself that you are a bit of a fool, recognising when a situation is out of your expertise, and choosing to not embark on the boat until you feel better prepared is a much wiser decision.

Especially if you hold unconventional beliefs and you wish to live harmoniously with lots of people, I advise not sharing them freely with everyone not because they don’t deserve to be heard, but because once they are out in the world, people use them to judge your value based on them. People promote freedom of speech, but realistically, they don’t want to surround themselves with people who contradict and question their worldview. While someone might not instantly turn against you after you voiced your opinion, you can still notice a slight expression of disappointment and disgust. That is, because it’s easier to moralise others, and a lot of people would much rather close their ears off and point fingers than attempt to understand; the latter requiring a level of understanding that a majority hasn’t reached within themselves.

How could you pour into another’s cup when your jug is empty?

So you have to choose between lying and betraying yourself for the sake of social harmony, and leaving the constraints behind to live the difficult, yet increasingly rewarding individualism. Friends and family aim to teach us how to be better with others. Time spent alone teaches you how to be better by yourself.

Turn your attention within and keep digging. You will find your heart beating, and underneath it lies your truth.

So, if you want to learn something new, and objectively be able to analyse for yourself what is closest to the truth, is best to keep searching independently and quiet down your mind from others’ screams. When alone, you are absolutely free to make mistakes, correct and come back to a different result over and over again. You are your own judge. And what better way to exercise your judgement and power other than when you have complete freedom over both action and consequence? You can either rise or bury yourself; it’s entirely your responsibility to keep yourself balanced.

Most importantly, it makes you value time, and not take others’ presence for granted whenever you do choose to pursue relationships with others. As you grow to see the time spent alone highly, you become increasingly aware of how you get to spend it, and most importantly, on who.

In the age of technology, attention is the most valuable thing we could offer as consumers. Attention, just as time, is something that many give to others freely without thinking much about it. As it isn’t a physical good which we can feel with our hands and see with our eyes, we don’t seem to be as attached to it as we would be with our valuables. Paradoxically, the things which we don’t keep track of, seem to slip through our fingers the fastest, and we wake up one day to realise we threw years, decades of our lives in the fountain. If there is something we should, and it is absolutely justified to be selfish with, that is our time.

No matter what you do, there’ll always be regrets. But no regret is worse than realising you lived a life that’s not yours; a life full of rules that weren’t your own, opinions you didn’t come to yourself, experiences you never got to experience first-hand. A life without a clear beginning, with an ambiguous open conclusion.

22:50, Sun 10.11.24

[blitzbuckz]

【𐂃】 ❝ y-yeah, we used t' play "cops an' robbers" when we were little. then we actually committed t' the real thing when we got older. money was short supply so . . . we did what we could t' survive an' provide for- ❞ our mom. would of been what he finished off with, however, not wanting to bring back that suppressed memory— he stopped himself in the nick of time. Still, he enjoyed that game all too much. not more than treasuring hunting, but it was still pretty dear to his heart. In fact, he was still at it when it came to not having enough funds for his shit. he stole when it was necessary. Reminders that quickly ceased the minute his sister shot down his reminiscing thoughts.

"You do realize those times won't ever come back, right?"

Her words stabbed at his core. His smile slowly subsiding as he gave a forced nod. Maw growing crooked as if he was on the verge of crying, yet, he kept himself poised. composed. trying to remain strong as they carried out the gift exchange.

❝ sorry— I really do wanna make it up t' ya. If y' really need the money, I can send some yer way with time. My business is slowly pickin' up— I can wire money t' ya monthly if needed. I . . . really wanna help. ❞ Straightening his posture he then held his breath as his twin slid over her parting gift. He wasn't expecting it! If his heart could erupt, it would give away this particular moment! The assassin couldn't hold back anymore, letting his eyes get watery he retrieved the note && wooden box. A smile resurfacing across his maw as he unwrapped his gifts.

the wooden box contained bullets && a gun carved from soap. exquisitely made! if it wasn't soft to the touch && carrying a rich scent— he would of thought it was the real deal! the "happy birthday to my most compatible organ donor" note did cause him to gulp, yet, he held everything wholeheartedly close to his chest.

❝ Fuck, this thing looks real. I . . . love love, love this! Thank you, sis. I . . . really missed this. ❞ it was nice to know they both carried the same sense in humor, however, he wasn't going to say it out in the open. not if he had a death wish.

No sooner the waiter walked up to them to place their drinks on the table. Leaving the two alone to consume their beverages && further indulge into the gift exchange moment. Which stirred the assassin to fixate his focus back on his sister; giving her pleading eyes — as if he didn't want her to leave. however, he refrained from saying anything. knowing it wasn't in his place to ask more of her time. ( resisting sounding greedy foremost )

Barbie looked around a little as the waitress took their orders before turning her gaze back at Blitzø who made a joke about them make a run for it before they had to pay. "You still do that shit?" she questioned, not really revealing that she keeps doing that as well, mostly because she is running low on money now that she had lost her work. She was gonna cover this all up by acting like she disapproved Blitzø's actions there. Even tho the idea of making a run for it was fun to say the least.

Moxxie, twink-.. whatever he is called made Barbie as his enemy the day he came in and got her supplier killed middle of a gig. A frown deepened on Barbie's face as he listened Blitzø talk how he just wanted to spend time with her. Honestly if things weren't so messy between them Barbie wouldn't mind just sneak the fuck outta this place after they got their drinks, maybe cause some havoc like they used back in the day. She loved to spend time with her twin until things started to fall apart slowly. Barbie looked down at the box which was slid to her side of the table before darting her gaze back at Blitzø as she reached to the present.

"You do realize those times won't ever come back, right? We aren't kid no more. Our time spending together isn't gonna be the same. We can't just go and annoy other circus crew members, steal shit from dad. . ." and this is where she had to stop, otherwise she might have brought mama up. She baked them the best birthday cake ever which Barbie missed, along with spending time with her family... minus their dad. She was mad at him as well. As Barbie spoke she slowly unwrapped the gift, liftin up a mug. She red the text with rather unamused expression on her face, then took a look at Blitzø.

". . . . Seriously? Thought no one could ever make me feel awkward with anything. Well I stand corrected" on the inside she was laughing, she wanted to laugh the more she looked at the gift. This was her type of humor unfortunately. "Thanks. It'll be my first decor of the house when I have afford to rent or buy a house. Maybe on next pay check. . . . oh wait" just reminding she didn't have a job no more thanks to I.M.P. "Happy Womb Eviction Day to you as well I guess" Barbie lift her present on the table, it was a wooden box with wrapped on top and an envelope with a birthday card in it. Of course she had to buy one for her twin, like she had done almost every birthday and sinsmas, never actually giving them to him.

[foe-wrestling]

the cinnamon tography..............

[64yrsold]

you know where the city is

a bit different today! we're doing write anything that you want to week with @imightgetbetter <3 today's theme is early matty, so i decided to write about hearing "the city" on the radio for the first time :-) hope you all enjoy! - love, 64

I watched his hands jump over each other on the steering wheel, driving us around another winding curve. It was almost a spectacle, watching the light expose his bare arms, travel up his black t-shirt and crawl up his neck, then disappear before it could illuminate his mouth. Then he’d be covered in darkness again, until we reached the next street lamp.

“You can drop me home, if you’d like,” I offered, turning down the radio so he could hear me.

“Come on, stop it,” he frowned, glancing over to me, “We can stay out as long as you want.”

“I think my parents-“

“They’re fine,” he interrupted, reaching a hand to squeeze my knee, “They like me, don’t they?”

“Maybe not after tonight,” I quipped, rolling the window down. The air here always felt like a childhood memory, like after-school walks and first kisses. I liked the way it blew against his curls, frizzing the ends. He pushed a few strands behind his ear.

“I’ll get you home soon,” he sighed, hand firmly planted against my thigh, “Just wanted to show you one thing.”

"Oh, are you surprising me?" my voice wavered with excitement. He nodded, bottom lip wet as he smiled.

"I was out driving with the guys-"

"I don't want to know," I said quickly, earning a boyish giggle.

"No, it was very innocent, babe. I'm behaving, I promise," he stated, but his grin said otherwise. He looked at me from the corner of his eye, finding me unconvinced, "Whatever, I'll just show you."

"You boys need to focus on the band," I scolded, fingers tracing his cuticles.

He scoffed, "You know how committed I am."

"Mhm," I hummed, "You're very good, you know."

"I know," he half-joked. His palm opened around the steering wheel as he turned a corner. Trees were thick on either side of the road, the pavement transitioning to gravel.

"Where the fuck are we going," I whined, "Is this where you finally murder me in the woods?"

"Yeah, I've got the axe in the back," he nodded, slapping my thigh playfully. The radio was cutting out, fizzling with static as we drove further into the wooded area. I changed the station, trying to find one that was intelligible. We approached a clearing, and I switched the station once more, hand frozen when I heard a familiar punctuated bass drum. He slammed on the brakes. I lurched forward, hand against the dash.

"Is this..." I paused, staring at him with parted lips. He threw the car in park, tangling his hands in his hair.

"Holy shit," he whispered, stars in his eyes, "Holy shit!"

"What the fuck!" I yelled, grabbing him by the shoulders.

"What the fuck!" he returned, jaw hanging open. I could see the tears rimming his waterline, and he quickly covered his face with his hands. "I sent this song to every fucking station I know, but nobody got back to me, I-" He interrupted himself with a guttural scream. I screamed back at him, the car reverberating with his voice on the radio.

He dropped his hands to my neck, searching my face wildly. My face was aching from my splitting grin, my pulse crawling up my ears.

"This is it," I mumbled, tears stinging behind my eyes, "This is really it."

"I can't fucking believe it," he cried, grabbing my jaw and pulling my mouth to his. He laughed against my lips, emotions swirling between us. He kissed every unspoken word into my mouth, and I could taste the excitement like pennies on my tongue. He pulled back to scream the chorus, and I joined him, chanting the words wholeheartedly. I dropped my head on his shoulder, finding a sky of milky stars mirroring the faint lights of the city below.

"Don't forget me when you're all rich and famous," I whispered, wrapping my fingers around his.

"Couldn't if I tried, love," he smiled, "How could I ever forget this?"