#but i am simply working 3 jobs and 40+ hour weeks. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mr-entj · 1 year

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Hi Mr. ENTJ, congrats on the new job offer. It's good to hear INTJ and Kobe & Co. are doing well, too.

I'm an ENTJ currently in my fourth year of my Computer Science PhD specializing in Machine Learning/Data Mining, and I know that you know how quickly this field moves. There's loads of advice about how "doctoral programs a marathon, not a sprint" and students need to pace themselves and have work-life balance in order to not burn out. Following these principles, I've made it this far unscathed (in terms of mental health deterioration) and managed to stay in my program.

With luck, an understanding advisor, and low amounts of admin work (emails, meetings-that-could-be-emails, etc.), and good self management, I have been able to work 40 hour workweeks for the most part and stay on track. That being said, I am currently in a period of time where I am increasing to 50 hour workweeks in order to meet a conference deadline at the end of June 2023 (time of writing is mid-late April 2023). As long as I show up to work every day and do my best, I expect this paper will be finished by the time my internship starts. This is fine by me; deadlines need to be met, and I want to continue with my current 5-year PhD trajectory (as opposed to taking longer).

Speaking candidly, I have ADHD and am also Autistic, and maintaining this 40hr/week is critical in preventing the "I wake up in the morning wondering if I've accomplished anything meaningful with my life" feeling that gets in the way of me doing very much at all with my day. I also notice that when I am in the *deep throes* of burnout, my ability to pull back and look at the bigger picture takes a nap and I make myopic, hasty decisions. It's a recipe for bad research.

I've relaxed my "good work-life balance" constraint to simply "do not enter the *deep throes* of burnout". My question is for what lies after this period of time: I will be entering a summer research internship. I am concerned I will not perform well at my internship and will not be able to study as hard for full time interviews as a result of my choices now. Any tips for optimizing this recovery time and post-burnout damage control? Is this an ill-posed question, and there is no way to have my cake and eat it too?

Thanks for your time and consideration, Mr. ENTJ.

You can have your cake and eat it too, you'll just need to endure for the next few months.

Some thoughts on your situation in no particular order:

Get therapy and medication for the ADHD and autism if you haven't already. Mental health issues should never be left untreated especially when you're attempting ambitious and difficult goals. It would be like trying to win a race with a broken leg.

Set strict guardrails to get adequate sleep and nutrition. Don't compromise on either of these two because it'll severely impact performance. During the most intense periods of my life, meal planning worked really well so I could grab and go healthy meals without long prep time. Poor health choices lead to low energy, brain fog, and bad moods. Healthy food/snacks, hydration, vitamins, exercise (even a quick 15 minutes of cardio when my scheduled was packed) made me 10x more effective.

Reach out to the summer internship team and learn more about expectations so you can start planning ahead to manage your time and prepare to hit the ground running. Most summer internships aren't time-consuming and energy draining to the point they'd grind you down to dust. This is because interns require a lot of time to onboard which cuts into the 3-month summer term and they have limited access to information, skills, and experience needed to do more complex work. I wouldn't jump the gun and stress about underperforming without knowing the full scope of your role and responsibilities.

Ensure that you have at least one person from your summer internship who can speak highly of you. In the unlikely event you don't perform well in your internship, you'll still walk away with a solid professional reference to use for future full-time job offers. Pro tip: Companies won't interview every single person at the internship even if you fuck up. As long as they can verify you worked there and you have at least 1 person (more is better) who can speak to your abilities, you'll be fine.

Prioritize full-time job interviews > summer internships if the summer internship has a low chance of conversion to a full-time role. If the opposite is true, reverse that order. If you need to prioritize one of these two, prioritize the one that secures your desired outcome.

Focus on outcomes over input. Focus on the things you achieve, the milestones you reach, and the obstacles you overcome-- not the amount of hours you put in. A few weeks ago I fixed a $5 million problem by clearing up a misunderstanding with a 90-minute conversation. This 90-minute conversation was way more impactful than the 40-50 hours of work I put in the previous week. There's that John Wooden quote: "Don't mistake activity for achievement." Benchmark your progress towards achieving a 'meaningful life' with impact, not input.

#work #school #phd #academia #burnout #internship #internships #entj #faq

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emilys-scstudyabroad · 1 year

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Preface

This entry is a bit longer because it consists of two weeks, but I hope it will entertain and enrich. I would also like to warn you that at some point there are rather graphic images. I thought of leaving them out, but this is reality and the step before you eat fried calamari, that we rarely think about.

In The Water

I drop into a blue abyss. I inhale 1, 2, 3, 4, and exhale 1,2,3,4. My breath so easily taken for granted on land is suddenly a miracle. I sink lower in a lateral position, feeling the pressure in my ears. I press my nose and gently blow out to equalize. The sea seizes my weight and I slip into a horizontal frame with my fingers on my elbows to stabilize myself. My breath continues with a sound so unique, you can only recognize it as a scuba diver or a Darth Vader fan. I customarily have a minute of panic because of the loss of my noses function and obvious danger I face in that moment. I anticipate, validate, and breathe. The feeling dissipates and for the next 40 minutes I live in the now and worry of nothing. I simply marvel at my surroundings, understanding how special it is to see these creatures alive. I hover over a giant sting ray camouflaged below me, and spy a Maury eel peek its head from its coral reef palace. The fish are all different, some in swarms of silver, and others colorful and gliding by in search of their next meal. The sand, which seems so dead on land, is full of life.

My guide gives me the thumbs up, and I know it is time to ascend. Slowly, I swish my fins back and forth, propelling my body to the surface. I spend a quick 3 minutes soaking up my last few glimpses, and allowing my body to adjust to the nitrogen levels and pressure. My computer flashes and beeps, telling me I can return to the sky above. I give 2 powerful kicks, and as my head breaks the seal I am immeadilty transported to reality. I am diving off the coast of Ecuador at a location called Isla de la Plata in 76 degree water in the middle of January.

It was a whirlwind week that began on Saturday morning at 530. I uber to the bus with my classmates and together we traveled 12 hours. We winded down the Andes, through the cloud forest, and into endless miles of banana plantations.

We rolled through massive concrete jungles like Guayaquil and bounced down rough dirt roads in small towns like Babahoyo, where we stopped for lunch. At sunset we finally arrived to Santa Elena and ran straight for the beach. After a quick dip, the locals warned us that “sharp creatures” come out after dark so we scurried back for showers, some much needed food, and finally, some sleep.

I awoke every morning at 630 to head to the beach for some yoga and a morning swim. In this insane week of research, adventure, and fellowship, this special time in the morning kept me sane.

The majority of my day consisted of surveying the rocky intertidal zone of Ecuadors coast. This is the part of the beach that is submerged under water according to the tide schedule. We worked at low tide, so the times were different every day. My job in this experiment was to place quadrants in the high zone (splash zone and the least biodiverse) and survey the life I found. This mostly consisted of tiny periwinkle snails and filamentous green algae. However, every once in a while, I would catch sight of a unique piece of nature. The cool dudes below seemed to watch me work and were just as stunned and fascinated by me as I was to them.

The Ecuadorian sun is draining, and after every survey we always spent a couple hours relaxing at lunch.

Everyday, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, we took advantage of the powerful waves and played like little mermaids. We visited a different beach everyday to survey, but had 2 separate hotels throughout our time, to return to at night. The second of which was located in a calm surfing town called Ayampe.

The streets are littered with yoga retreats and little cafes. Our hotel was one of pure luxury, in my mind. We may have had to sleep under mosquito nets with no AC, and take quick, cold showers, but to me, the view was all worth it.

Two excursions during our day stuck out to me the most, one of death and another of life. We visited a typical fishing market. Some were intrigued by the endless barrels of creatures they call delicious.

However, I was overcome with a sadness. This week connected me to the earth on a spiritual level, and looking around it was as if I was viewing rows of caskets of my fellow brothers and sisters. You may not understand this, and thats okay. However, the reason I study the environment is because I do not see a difference in value between a humans life and a sharks. I see us both as interwoven pieces of this planet and creations of the divine. This is so clear to me when I have experiences like I did underwater. On our last day, we rode an hour and a half to Isla de la Plata. We dove twice, soaking up the sun and snacks on our breaks in between. As we sliced through the waves on the way back, they rocked me to sleep and I awoke when we stopped at the dock.

We spent our last evening compiling data, while listening to the spiritual ceremony a group of visitors were completing outside. They drink a psychoactive plant called Ayauscha to begin and throughout the night they dance, howl, and meditate. It was truly beautiful to witness, even for the short time I watched. The next morning we pilled back into our bus to make the 12 hour trek back to Quito, where I again ubered home and collapsed into my bed.

The following week my group and I gathered our research question, wrote a paper, and presented our findings. I linked this below if you’re a science nerd like me, and find this interesting. On Friday, we finished this class, and sat in orientations for our next class and adventure.

I spent my Saturday on a spontaneous trip to the teleferico. We rode cable cars to a stunning view overlooking Quito and the volcanoes that surround it. Lastly, I connected with my roots and hopped on a horse. This special piece of home rejuvenated me from the harsh week I had endured, and left me ready for the next.

The differences between Ecuador and the States were highlighted to me through the election process that commenced on Sunday. Ecuador has around 270 political parties, and by law you are required to vote. They also have the Ley Seca, which occurs from Friday to Sunday, in which drinking alcohol is not allowed and punishable by a 200 dollar fine. Ballots are filled out on paper, but mailing in is not an option. Families travel all across the country to their place of birth, if they have not gone through the process of changing their home voting station. This process enlightened me to the different government styles besides the US. Neither is right or wrong, just different.

These last two weeks have challenged and enriched me. I move onward with a heart full of gratitude and a head full of new knowledge.

With Love From Ecuador,

Emily Sikora

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whatdoesshedotothem · 1 year

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Friday 25 January 1839

12 50

fine morning F42 ½° inside at 9 and 40 ½° outside at 9 10 am breakfast at 9 ¼ to 10 – sat talking about Thwaites’ fixtures etc. – fine and sunny – out at 10 ¼ - no! with Robert the joiner planning about the hall stairs – the step down into the china closet sadly spoils the new plan – proposed (1st time) lowering the present landing to the level of the chine closet and taking up the present new stairs and bringing them one step nearer to the north parlour – making one step into the little upper buttery and 2 steps into the upper buttery in the room itself near the cellar door taking away the top cellar step so to get head-room after lowering the landing above 6in. that is to the level of the china closet – I said all would come in that we had got ready – nothing would be lost – the stairs would move all in one piece – the job might be done by the 4 York joiners in a week after all was ready for fixing – busy planning and explaining till after 12 – then to Sun-wood quarry – Joseph Sharpe (old Robert Schofields’ partner) there alone getting fence wall stones for Listerwick – near 2 hours there – 2 20 when George came (after dinner) 10 minutes loadening – (3 horses) and he would be loadened and at Listerwick and back in 1 ¼ hour – then seeing Hardcastle repairing his cottage lately occupied by John Hall comber, went in – lets it at 52/. per annum tenant paying all taxes – It seems this man is gone to Mitham the little back kitchen Mallinson has built being for the comb-pot and wool washing! – called to speak to M- in returning, but not a soul in the house that I could find downstairs – Hardcastle not inclined to sell anything more – Mr. G. Robinson had applied to him on Monday for the old dry-wall buildings (stable etc.) that I told G.R. I wished to buy – and had asked him what I should offer for them – G.R. has no right of road to the back of his cottages .:. nobody has any right to that road but Hardcastle and myself – about 4 when I got to Listerwick – the engineer there – seemed as if coming up to speak to me, but seeing from my manner of coldly bowing that I did not wish to have anything to say to him, he prudently kept away – stood talking to Robert Mann – Mr. Freeman has behaved very handsomely today and his steward Mr. Mitchell also – they thought the colliery in a prosperous condition – will not send for J.O- again – will sink a pit immediately in the right place, and wish John Mann to take charge of looking after it – said he was certainly not bound at present – but wished him to get the little bit of coal now loose till such time as the proposed pit could be bottomed and the colliery set right – JM. would work (get) the loose on Mr. F-‘s account but not on his own for it will hardly pay expense – but had better not be lost – should be got to keep the engine going the power extra of which is let – but even when there is an engine in the right place, still there will be all the water of F- and others to lift – a bad job – Robert agreed with me, it would put a shilling a score extra on the expense of getting the coal – home about 5 – out about with John Booth talking in and about the brew house – then with Robert the joiner about the hall staircase – more difficulties – but got over them – dressed – dinner at 6 ¼ - coffee – A- read French and I read a little and explained – Letter sur l’histoire de France par Augustin Thierry. 4me. Edition Paris 1834. Letter ix. from p. 154 to 169 on the word Koning, Kyning, Kongr, Kyngr, King, roi, rex – Koning among the old Francis, and Anglo-saxons, and Danes etc. was simply ‘le tètre commun de tout homme qui exerce, sons quelque former que ce soit, une autorité supérieure’ p. 157. read the newspaper and had just written all but the 2 first lines of today at 11 – A- had letter tonight from Mr. Luthwaite on behalf of the town respecting her property in the woolshops – I advise her getting the trustees to buy the public house at the corner amongst her property and then she will agree to give and take and pay the same price for the surplus that remains for her to purchase, if they can settle comfortably about the licence – fine day – F42 ½° inside at 11 ¼ and 36° at 11 ½ pm Robert said I should not have 5 loads per yard – perhaps 4 ½ or hardly that but above 4 ¼ loads per yard – 4 ¼ loads per yard = 19360 per acre 20,570 or 1018 ½ scores at ¼d. per load = £21.8.6 ½ per acre which I think of proposing to pay Holt

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beyscape · 4 years

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The Intern - 1

Andy Barber x Reader

Summary: Being Andy’s intern meant you got to spend more time by his side more than anyone. This was fine, however, until feelings got in the way and made things complicated

Warnings: Age gap, technically cheating, swearing and stuff

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N Spoilers as it progresses! I’ve not read the book and only saw the first two episodes so if you haven’t seen episodes 1 and 2, what are you waiting for go watch them! I’m putting the reader around 26 and Andy around 40.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

02:37 am

You sighed at the clock, slightly feeling cheated that only 9 minutes had passed since you last checked it, when it felt like it should have been hours. Sipping at the now cold coffee you bought from the vending machine down the hall, you leaned back in your chair. You had been staring at the mountain of paper scattered around your desk for hours now, yet it didn’t seem like you were able to make a dent into it. It sat there, almost mocking you; you scowled at it.

The office was dark and empty, it had been for some time now as the last person had left sometime after the clock stroke 10 pm. Without the occasional whistling of the night guard patrolling the building, you seemed totally alone. Not just physically too, you felt like you had no one with you, supporting you. Your gaze drifted to the big desk left unoccupied behind the glass wall. Andy Barber, the plaque on the desk read, right next to the messy pen holder and another mountain of paperwork, almost identical to the one you had on your desk. Great, you thought, they could mock you both. Even the pile of paper had someone. You rubbed your eyes as even your thoughts stopped making much sense.

You were tired.

It had been two weeks now that Andy was forced to take a paid leave, following the arrest warrant for his son. Fourteen days. Then why the hell did it feel like fourteen months?

Being Andy’s intern was something you simply loved. You were excited and eager to do your job, straight out of a prestigious law school you had gotten such a good job, so of course you were fresh and happy to please your bosses and wanting to make a great career for yourself by learning from some of the very best. At least, that’s how it started almost a year ago. You had heard of Andy’s name, followed some of his cases as he was one of the best district attorney’s of the whole East Coast. The job wasn’t easy by any means, even though he was a kind man he would never go easy on you about your job. You liked that air of professionalism he carried around him though, it seemed as if he was good at everything he did.

He was incredibly smart, funny, kind, not to mention downright gorgeous, and he would always look at you with such emotion in his eyes that you couldn’t help but feel your heart jump a little every time he gave you one of his deep looks. So, it was an understatement to say you had a crush on him. It was impossible not to! That’s how you tried to comfort yourself in those late-night hours when you were up from tossing and turning and all you could think of was how his lips would taste on yours. It was just a simple, tiny crush that you couldn’t do anything about. Aside from obstacles such as the age gap between you and him technically being your boss there was also the matter of him being married. You had met his family on a couple of occasions, they had seemed like the perfect little American family. No matter how deep your feelings ran, you knew you couldn’t possibly be the reason for breaking apart a family.

It was just a tiny crush anyways.

Your mind drifted to Andy, how his once bright and sharp eyes now seemed tired and the bags forming under his eyes made him look older than he was. It was funny how two weeks can change a man’s life so drastically.

Defending Jacob wasn’t an easy job, what with so many in the office believing that he was responsible with the murder of Ben. You thought of Jacob, images of him visiting Andy in the office sometimes after school flashed in your mind, and how he would shyly smile at you when you offered him some candy or asked about his classes. You just didn’t think that a boy like him could be the murderer. You wanted to catch the actual murderer and put an end to this whole ordeal so that maybe, hopefully things would go back to normal. You had forgotten what normal even was in those two frantic weeks.

You didn’t need to pull such long hours at the office, in fact if Neil found out he would probably make a sly remark about it, but you wanted to. You wanted to catch a murderer and make sure a teenage boy didn’t go to prison over a crime he didn’t commit, but more than those you wanted to help Andy.

You thought of the times he would smile at you, thanking you for your hard work. “I have no idea what I would do without you, Y/N,” he had once said, the words still burning bright in your memory, “I can’t even remember how things were before you came in and started your internship.” His gaze was so intense at that point, his blue eyes so deep you thought you would drown in them if you stared for too long, his smile so relaxed and curved to the one side, his hands playing with the end of his tie he had loosened moments ago, he was everything you had ever wanted and some more. You had lowered your gaze back then, a bashful smile appearing on your heated face. Oh, how you wished you were back at that diner he had taken you out to celebrate after a long and tiresome case.

A sad smile played on your face as you reflected on the many memories you had made in the passing year, all of them equally leaving you flustered. You were so wrapped up in your thoughts however, you didn’t hear the footsteps approaching your part of the floor. Your head snapped as movement entered your peripheral vision, sending a dull ache down your neck sore from slumping over your desk for hours. It was too dark for you to see the face of the person approaching, but you knew him well enough to recognize him just from his silhouette.

Your mouth fell open ever so slightly, your heart picking up its speed as he made his way towards you. What was he doing here at three in the morning on a Tuesday night? He wasn’t even supposed to be allowed in the building! Despite these thoughts and many more swirling through your head, there was one main thought blaring in your mind: you missed him very much. You had seen him around town of course, but it was only here and there and in the passing. Neil had made it very clear that you weren’t to see Andy as “it would create a conflict of interest” he had claimed. You knew though deep down it was because Neil hated Andy’s guts and was probably happy to have him out of the office.

He finally walked close enough that the light of your desk lamp washed over his tired features, you noted the way his hair was a mess spiking up in different directions as if he had been tossing and turning restlessly in bed. He wasn’t wearing his usual work attire, those suits you loved seeing him in, and instead was in a pair of grey sweatpants and a simple hoodie on top. Your gaze shifted back to his face where surprise now gleamed in his eyes along with something else you couldn’t quite place.

“Y/N?” He said and momentarily all you could think of was how much you loved the way your name rolled off of his tongue.

“What are you doing here so late?” He asked as he stopped right in front of your desk, hands casually in his pockets. He didn’t need an answer however as his laid on the paperwork you had sitting in front of you, going page after page about him and more specifically his son’s involvement with the murder case.

“I see. That asshole Neal keeping you here all night? You look like you need some rest.” He remarked with a darkened, displeased look in his eyes. You shook your head, wanting to explain, to say so much, yet never finding the right words.

“I’m here because I want to, Neal has nothing to do with it. I wanna figure out a way to prove Jake’s innocence, to see if we maybe missed something. I don’t believe he did it.” You replied with a fierce passion, your words breaking the silence engulfing the whole building.

“That makes the two of us.” He smiled at that for a briefly, then seemed to catch himself. He frowned, almost feeling guilty for smiling. Your heart panged.

“How about you Mr. Barber? You really are not supposed to be here.”

“How many times have I told you to call me Andy? Kingston was at night shift, told him I forgot to grab some of my personal stuff I needed. And he let me in.” He scratched the back of his neck, slightly swaying on his heels.

“No offense but if Kingston’s just letting people in maybe he needs a little talk.” You teased him, wishing to see him smile once again. He didn’t, but you could easily read the amusement in his eyes. You had spent too long by his side, watching him, to miss those little things.

“You wanna take a walk? Clear your head a little. I know I need that.” He asked in response, surprising both you and himself.

“What about those personal stuff you needed to grab?” You shuffled on your feet to pull on your coat, hoping it would be enough to brace you against the chill of the night.

“Nah, I honestly didn’t know what to do or where to go, one thing I knew was I needed to get out of that house. Next thing I know, I’m in front of the building. Figured I’d try my chance at getting inside. But now that I’ve ran into you, my night’s a bit better.” He motioned towards the door with his head, his hair swaying slightly in the same direction, “Let’s go.”

The elevator ride and the couple of minutes it took to walk through the building was spent in silence aside from Kingston wishing you both a good night at the front security desk, as if you both didn’t know what to say or how to start a conversation. In that same silence you walked towards the park close to the tall grey building you had left moments ago, shivering against the cold of three a.m.

“So,” you started after minutes of silence, not being able to take it any longer, “do you wanna talk about it?” You hugged your arms around your body, tucking your already cold hands.

“It’s just,” he sighed and rolled his shoulders, almost as if trying to drop some of the weight he was carrying, “it’s crazy how fast everything went to shit. He didn’t do it, Y/N, I know my son. And they are ruining his life just like that. I can’t believe all of this and there is nothing I can do as I watch them ruin my son’s future so easily, just like that.” He rubbed his forehead, wishing for things to go back to normal, just as you. You both knew that normal was a long memory now, things could never go back to the way they were. Not entirely.

“I’m so sorry you are going through all this, Mr. Barber. Neither you nor Jake deserve this.” You let out a sigh matching his, desperately wanting to comfort the man who haunted every waking thought you had, yet finding yourself unable to as you glanced at the ring shining on his finger under the orange-ish street lights.

“How many times have I told you to call me Andy?” He turned his gaze to you now, you swallowed.

“More than I can remember the number of, Mr. Barber.” You gave him a cautious smile, unable to hold it in. Your heart swell with happiness as he snorted at your last remark, a soft look on his face as he took you in. You bit your lip before speaking again.

“How is Laurie?” You had to know. Damn your hands which ached to hold him, damn whatever may stand between you, you wanted to take action and do something as the urge, the need to close the distance between you got stronger and stronger. To do that, however, you had to know.

Andy flinched slightly at the mention of his wife, as if he didn’t expect for you to bring her up. Or like he even forgot that he had a wife. A bitter, short laugh escaped his lips as he ruefully examined the sliver band on his finger.

“Laurie is… Laurie. We are fighting again.” He raised his gaze to meet your eyes. You were caught off guard, you raised an eyebrow at the word ‘again’. He continued when you said nothing.

“We have been having some problems, we even had counselling a while ago. Laurie was always so keen about wanting to keep it quiet and locked away, and we tried it for Jake’s sake. Coming from a broken home type of situation, I wanted to try for Jake. These two weeks however, things have been really bad, on top of everything. This whole thing brought back a ton of unresolved bitterness from years ago. I never told anyone that.” He looked at you as if he was seeing you under a new light, his shoulders stood higher and more relaxed. A warm feeling spread in you as he confided in you things he never muttered to another soul, you smiled at him softly, his eyes drawing you in and spinning your head.

“I’m so sorry, Andy.” Was all you needed to say as you lay a delicate hand on his arm, the gentleness in your eyes surprising him and make him feel things he got the taste of so long ago.

One look at the hand you lay on his arm and another at your face, and Andy found himself to be in trouble. He already was, don’t get him wrong, his life seemed to be a magnet for all things bad and problematic at the moment. This, however, was a new kind of trouble as he looked at his intern, this young girl who had diligently followed him for a whole year and always seemed to know exactly what he needed. Before he knew what he was doing, he closed the distance between you with two small steps, and now was so close that you were too afraid to breathe, scared that even the smallest of moves would fully erase the very little gap left between your lips.

Despite your whole body feeling as if you were thrown into a scorching flame and every inch of your skin itching to get even closer, you waited, staring into his eyes with slightly raised eyebrows and hooded eyes. Your mouth was barely open and so was his, you were so close that every time he ruggedly breathed you felt his hot breath caress your lips.

“Fuck,” he whispered before giving in and closing the distance after a painful minute, placing those soft lips you had spent hours fantasizing about on yours. There was nothing gentle with his kiss, getting more and more heated and frantic as if he was a man needing cold water after spending his whole life walking around the desert.

You whimpered against his kiss as Andy’s one hand wrapped around your waist and the other finding your neck, pulling you towards him with no more distance to cover. You were so entangled with each other in the dark, it was hard to tell where one body ended and the other started. Placing one last, this time gentler kiss on your lips, he rested his head against your forehead, his eyes for closed as he breathed a deep breath.

“Oh Y/N,” he said, his voice strained and barely above a whisper, “what are we going to do, baby girl?”

You had no answer for him, a mess of emotions after the kiss that you felt your knees wouldn’t be able to hold you for much longer. So, you clung on Andy, his tense and broad shoulders feeling like they could carry you for as long as you needed, just as Andy’s hands clung on your waist, holding you close to his chest, his forehead still laying against yours.

In the park next to the towering building you both belonged to, you stood together some time after three. The chilly wind making its way into your lungs did nothing against the heat you felt all over your body, not cooling down one bit. In that park, in the safety of the shadows and the quiet of the town, you were safe. Not a defense attorney and his intern, just two people desperately needing to hold each other, too frightened to let go and face the world.

As the clock showed a little past 3 in the morning, you and Andy were safe in the dimly lit park, unaware how much that would change so very soon.

------------------------------------------------------

There you have it folks! I’m so so whipped for this man. Make sure to follow me so you don’t miss the other chapters! My inbox is open for requests, feedback or just to scream about Chris Evans! :P

#andy barber #andy barber x reader #defending jacob #andy barber x you #andy barber x y/n #chris evans #cevans #chris evans x reader #defending jacob fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber imagine #chris evans imagine

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galassyalex · 3 years

Text

overwrite

robot!albedo au word count: 1773

warnings: angst, character death

Log:

New role: Chief Alchemist of Mondstadt

“I’m so proud of you, Albedo! But as you know, I’ll be leaving Mondstadt with my husband. I need a favor from you. I want you to take care of my daughter, Klee You’ll be her older brother! We’ll be a family. I trust you’ll protect her and take care of her.”

New role: Older brother

New relationship with: Klee

New main goal: Protect klee.

>> Fast forward. Two weeks, 6:04 PM. Mondstadt gate. Log resumes.

“No! Mom! Klee wants mom to stay!”

Klee is crying, this is a sign of discomfort, overwhelming and sadness. Running analysis. Analysis completed. Klee is sad because Alice, maternal figure, is leaving.

“Klee, sweetie, mommy needs to leave for work, but your awesome brother Albedo will take care of you.”

Action noted: Hug. A “hug” is performed to comfort and usually bring happiness to both parties.

“Go with albedo, Klee. Your mother and i should get going now”

New role: Caretaker

New task: comfort klee

Action performed: hug

>> Fast forward. Next day, 2:07 AM. Bedroom. Log resumes.

“Albedo, are you busy?”

Klee has red eyes, a sign of crying.

Klee’s hair is messy, a sign that she was sleeping.

Klee is shaking, a sign of discomfort and fear.

Possible conclusion: Klee has woken up from a nightmare.

Course of action: comfort.

“Did you have a nightmare? You can stay here if you’d like, sleep in my bed if you need to. I’ll be here watching over you.”

“Thank you ‘bedo, good night!”

Klee has fallen asleep. To ensure a good slumber, tuck her in.

Action completed.

New emotions learnt.

Commence night mode.

>> Fast forward. Six months later, 3:16 pm. Lab. Log resumes.

“Mister Albedo, another wonderful experiment. I-I’ll write down the results in the report!”

Sucrose is showing excitement. Positive emotion caused by a successful experiment.

Tasks completed.

New task: talk with Acting Grand Master Jean.

>> Fast forward. 5:46 PM. Acting Grand Master’s office. Log resumes.

“Albedo, I understand your request. But i’m afraid I’ll have to deny it.”

“Why’s that, master Jean?”

“It’s too risky, both the adventurer’s guild and the Knights of Favonius are not prepared for Dragonspine. Sending our chief alchemist on his own after only six months of acting is not a wise decision.”

“Then I believe the knights are not competent.”

“Albedo I ask you to not refer to the knights in such a way. I understand your displeasure but Dragonspine is simply too dangerous. You’re dismissed.”

Master Jean is frowning and rubbing circles on her temple. She seems to be upset at the remark made and also is under a lot of stress. Best course of action is to leave.

“Have a good day, Master Jean.”

Captain Kaeya is in the halls of the headquarters.

New task: Talk to Captain Kaeya

“Good afternoon, Captain Kaeya”

“Ah, but if it isn’t mondstadts favorite alchemist, what is it that seems to trouble you?”

Captain Kaeya: seems to have taken a liken to me. Claims that people are “into me”. I’m unaware of the meaning of this expression. Is chatty and charming. Difficult to read.

New task: ask for Kaeya’s support by complimenting him.

“I want to set off to Dragonspine, but Master Jean has denied me permission. She says the knights aren’t ready and I should not go alone. I ask for your help, since you seem to be one of the most skilled knights in this place.”

“Someone seems to be good at sweet talking. Tell you what, I have no specific team to lead but I’ll help you out. Some training should convince Jean you can do it. Plus, you can escape quickly with your Geo vision.”

“Thank you, Captain Kaeya. I’m truly grateful.”

“Just Kaeya.”

“Captain Kaeya.”

“Kaeya.”

“Chivalry Captain Kaeya.”

“Okay now you’re messing with me. You truly are something.”

Kaeya seems pleased with the interaction.

Go back to the lab and complete the last tasks.

“I’ll see you around, Kaeya.”

>> Fast forward. 8:09 PM. Living room. Log resumes.

“What would you like for dinner, Klee?”

“It’s Klee and dodoco!”

Dodoco is Klee’s doll. Dodoco is not alive. Dodoco can’t think nor move, dodoco cannot eat. This is a weird request. Conducting analysis.

Analysis complete. This is a normal thing for children. Go along with it.

“I’m sorry. What would Klee and Dodoco like for dinner?”

“We want fish!!”

“Alright, would you like some rice with it?”

“Yes!”

“And lemon?”

“That too!! You’re the best Albedo!”

Klee has praised you, it causes a pleasant feeling. Respond.

“I’m not all that Klee, but thank you.”

Talking bad about one self is a common way to receive compliments. Yet it is a dumb one.

Klee doesn’t seem to be paying attention anymore, children have short attention spans. Information recorded.

New task: cook dinner

Task completed.

New task: serve the food.

“Klee, do you mind setting the table?”

“Okay!”

Giving children small tasks around the house helps their development. By having plastic tableware it avoids accidents. Good job.

Task completed.

“Let’s dig in.”

Klee enjoyed the food and also became happy talking about her day. It is now 9:00 PM, Klee’s bed time is approaching.

>> Fast forward two years and six months. 2:08 PM. Lab. Log resumes.

“ALBEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Klee has barged in. Check for damages.

“Klee! Are you okay?”

Analysis started. Turn the subject around. Do it again. Pat her arms.

Analysis completed, no damages taken.

“Goal: Protect Klee” is unaffected.

“Thank the archons you’re not hurt. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you did.”

“You worry too much, Albedo! Klee is a big girl now!”

This is a lie. Klee is 5 years and two months old.

“What did you want to tell me?”

“Well! I went out to test my bombs and they’re a success!! I even added my own notes to mommy’s instructions! I can’t wait to show her! But I know I won’t be able too yet, so I wanted to show you since you’re the next best thing!”

Klee’s ranking: Alice, Albedo, Kaeya, Razor, Amber, Sucrose, Lisa, Jean

Children are brutally honest.

Klee wants to share her bombs, you are currently busy.

Priority ranking: current experiment, Klee

Priority ranking: changed.

“Haha, alright sunshine. Let’s go.”

“You’re not busy?”

“It can wait. Oh but first, can you give me the feather on your hat?”

“Sure!! What for?”

You’ve obtained Klee’s feather.

You’ve modified it successfully.

“I’m gonna let you test out your bombs more, and also conduct your own experiments. This will let me take care of you while we’re not together. If anything happens, tap it twice and i’ll be right there.”

“Woah! Thanks Albedo!! Now let’s go.”

Klee is happy.

Goal. “Protect Klee” is affected positively.

I’m happy.

>> Fast forward. Two days later. 11:08 AM. Lab. Log resumes.

“Timaeus will be joining me in my journey in Dragonspine. Sucrose, I trust that you’ll take good care of the shop.”

“O-of course Albedo!”

Sucrose seems to be pondering about something.

I decide to not pry, for it is none of my business.

“We’ll get going now.”

>> Fast forward. 1:26 PM. Dragonspine. Log resumes.

My sketch of the hillichurls dancing is complete.

Peaceful time interrupted, the hillichurls seem to have noticed people and are now attacking them. Shame.

It appears that Sister Rosaria was one of them.

“We met a girl in mondstadt, Sucrose! She said you were stuck with your research!”

“Then you must be the honorary knight, all of mondstadt is talking about you.”

They truly interest me. My research will benefit greatly with their cooperation.

New relationship with: Honorary Knight

New relationship with: Paimon

New tasks: run tests with the pair.

>> Fast forward, 1 minute. Dragonspine, Log Resumes.

“Paimon’s got a brain! But what is the seed gonna become?”

“Well if it turns into a fruit, then dinners on me.”

“Yay!! I’m holding you to it!”

“You seem to be able to look through Paimon easily.”

“Ah… let’s just say i have to take care of a child occasionally. One of the non-alchemy related disciplines i'm good at.”

Klee reminder.

Check on Klee.

Checking…

Klee is with Razor, they’re hunting.

Klee is safe.

“You okay there Albedo?”

“Ah yes, apologies. I just zoned out for a bit.”

Commence tests.

Fight against slimes. Successful.

Potion. No notable changes.

Willpower. Failed.

I’m hungry.

Cooking test. Average outcome, but they seem good at cooking.

Vision test. Average.

Reaching the goal. Successful. Better than the average citizen.

This brings new questions. Unlimited possibilities

Paimon interrupted.

Commence intelligence test. Successful!

“Thank you for your work, this is really useful. Come see me again tomorrow.”

“Bye Albedo!”

New task: clean up and organize today's research.

Task complete.

Check on Klee.

Klee is with Captain Kaeya, she’s braiding his hair.

Klee is safe.

Entering night mode.

>> Fast forward. Next day, 11:45 AM. Dragonspine Camp. Log resumes

“Hi Albedo!”

“Hm? Oh, honorary knight, Paimon, why are you here? Never mind, catch.”

Action completed: give the sword to the traveler in an aggressive manner.

“You into forging or what? Didn’t take you for the blacksmith type.”

Action completed: explained the origin of the sword.

We ran some more tests, but we got ambushed by treasure hoarders.

>> Fast forward. 6 PM. Dragonspine Camp. Log resumes

Klee notification: Klee has stood in front of the lab for 15 seconds.

New task: Spend time with klee

“I’ll do that later.”

Overwriting priorities…

Albedo priority ranking: Research, Klee.

>> Fast forward. One hour and thirty minutes later. 7:30 PM. Dragonspine Lab.

“I’m not making progress…”

Checking on Klee

Klee last location: Dragonspine

“What?! Why is she here?”

Now guiding too: Klee’s location

>> Fast forward. Ten minutes later. 7:40 PM. Dragonspine. Log resumes

There’s a backpack on the ground

Action completed: Lift the backpack

Klee: Pulse stopped two hours ago. Cause of death: Frostbite.

“KLEE!”

Action completed: yell

Goal: “Protect Klee” failed.

System status: Overwhelmed

Calling Alice

“Albedo? It’s so late here why did you- Is… is that Klee?!”

System status: unresponsive

“...”

“Albedo- you… you prioritize your research over klee? Why? Why? Why?”

“Main goal failed, commencing shutdown.”

“What?! No! NO! Cancel! Overwrite! Main goal! Go to mondstadt!! Please! Albedo! I can’t lose both of you…”

Action performed: Hug klee

Self destruction in 3… 2… 1…

“ALBE-”

Can’t fast forward. Log ended.

you achieved the true ending | gaaaah it wouldnt let me copy the format from the doc so i apologize if its wrong

masterlist for thsi au

#genshin impact #fanfic #albedo #klee #alice #jean #kaeya #razor #albedo and klee #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact fanfic #genshin impact angst #albedo angst #klee angst #angst #robot au #overwrite

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mummapaintstheblues · 4 years

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Behind the scenes: Konoha Files

When I began writing this story, I had no idea of the beast I was undertaking. All I wanted was to get the scenes out of my head, and then I decided to share it for no other reason than to give my friends something to read.

I'll admit, I'm not a professional writer by any means, and maybe that will change one day. But for the moment this is simply a labor of love and a story that I want out of my head.

Recently I've been bombarded by a lot of unsolicited criticism in reviews. I just wanted to show y'all the amount of work that goes into this fic.

Remember that I have a job, family, and obligations. I lost a baby this year. Global pandemic shit, and all the rest.

Three full notebooks of chapter plots. Dialogue. Research. Handwritten and filled to the brim.

More than one plot and story analysis text book to reference and study.

One Neil Gaiman masterclass.

320 hours of documentaries.

One (on sale) Udemy course on the basics of Forensics. 40 hours in total clocked on lectures. One (full price) Udemy course on Forensic Psychiatry, 20 hours so far.

Hours on call with a beta who has the technical expertise with grammar that rivals no one else on this planet. Graduated with an English degree.

Physically duct taping myself to a chair to prove that a woman could escape from that position (bruising myself in the process)

Reviewing cases, actual real life murder cases, that the details have caused me to vomit. I look at, at least 3 a week.

So when I call this a labor of love, I mean it. I'm doing it because I want to, and no other reason.

Not once has anyone called to criticism these technical things I study so deeply. But for some reason, my portrayal of the characters has.

I've been told to kill myself three times. The story has been called boring. It's been called insufferable. I've been told that I'm 'asking for it' by posting it for all to see.

I'm not. And the more people give me shit for it, the less inclined I am to work at this.

By all means have an opinion, but the criticism is not constructive at this point and it is unsolicited. I am not asking for it.

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padfootagain · 4 years

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Hello everyone! I'm so happy to host a new event for my blog! It has been a while since I made one of these writing events, and I hope you will enjoy it! I've organized it to celebrate my blog hitting 4.7k followers!!! This is unbelievable, tbh, I have no idea what you guys are doing around here, but thank you so much for it anyway!!

So, for the coming weeks, I'll be writing your requests, that you can send me using the prompts I'm proposing in this post, under the cut! I hope you'll have fun!

Carole, what is going on now?

For this event, I'll be answering some prompts! The idea is simple: you choose one of the characters I write for and a few prompts, and I will write a one-shot for the character you have chosen, using the prompts you have chosen. You can also indicate more details that you would like to be included in your request (a specific AU or situation… ). It's super easy, and it makes you choose what I'll write for the next 2 or 3 weeks!

How do we request something?

In order to send a request, all you have to do is send me an ask through my inbox (please, do not use the dms, it is much harder to manage for me and I will probably forget about your request…). You can choose between 1 and 5 prompts amongst the prompts listed below the cut. The prompts are pieces of dialogue, and it will be my job to imagine a scenario where the characters use these lines. Choose also a character. It has to be a character in my masterlist (at the exception of Billy Russo and Regulus Black, their requests are closed). If you're a little shy, don't hesitate to switch on the anon function, I will still accept your request! Please, only ask for one request, because I want to write for as many people as possible.

And that's it! Super easy, isn't it?

A sum up?

In order to get a one-shot:

-Choose a character in my masterlist (except for Billy Russo and Regulus Black, their requests are closed)

-Choose between 1 and 5 prompts that you would like to see appear in your one-shot. There are 100 of them, and they are all gathered below the cut! No need to send me the whole prompt, just send me the number corresponding to your prompts!

-Send me a message through my inbox (no private messages)

-You can only make one request, so choose wisely ;)

-You can ask as an anon if you're a little shy

-I'll be working hard on your request, so a little nice message or at least a 'hello' would be lovely :)

The requests will be open for 48 hours (September 8 – September 10 2020), and they are open beginning… right now! The duration for the opened requests for the event might change, depending on how many requests I receive.

Please, be understanding that there is no way for me to judge if this event will be popular or not. If I receive too many requests, I won't be able to write all of them. I'm sorry if I don't have time to go to your request, please, be understanding if that happens. But maybe I'll have time to write all of them! It is hard for me to judge beforehand.

I hope you have fun with this event, and thank you all again for your support!

The prompts for the event are listed below. For a few of them, they might include several lines. All prompts are given a number, all you have to do is send me the number corresponding to the prompts you want, no need to type the whole thing in the ask.

Have fun!

NB: I have no idea why so many of those give off some serious idiots in love and idiots to lovers energy, but… it happened…

1."KISSES!"

2. "You are too far away."

"I am literally on the couch with you..."

"But are you in my arms? No. See? Too far away."

3. "If you weren't so cute, I would break your legs right now."

4. "Wait… are you jealous?"

5. "Stars and tequila. It's perfect."

"No. Stars, tequila and you. That it perfect."

6."I think I've made a mistake. Very big mistake. The kind that makes me wonder if I should escape to another country..."

7. "I WANT MY COOKIES!!"

8. "Maybe I love you a little too much, and that's why it hurts sometimes."

9. "Does it hurt?"

"Not that... OUCH!"

10. "I can't believe you got punched in the face."

"For you. I got punched in the face for you."

11. "It's dark, and it's late, and I'm cold and I'm drenched with this freaking rain and yet all I can think about is that I love you."

12. "I know you don't love me. It's okay. I will be whatever you want me to be."

13. "You don't need to love me for me to love you, you know? That's not how loving works. It would save us all from a lot of pain if it did."

14. "What do you mean you have a date?"

15. "I propose that we get excessively drunk and then ruin our lives as a consequence. Sounds good?"

16. "I'll always be here for you. Don't you know that by now? That I'll never leave?"

17. "I think we need... to make something explode."

18. "I'm pretty stupid, aren't I?"

19. "Huh... is that my shirt you're wearing?"

20. "I miss you. I hate it. I hate you. I love you."

21. "I'm proud to be with you."

22. "So... huh... are we gonna mention that you've just snogged me or...?"

23. "What do you mean lying to your family about us? What do you mean you need a 'plus one'?"

24. "I have only one thing to say: that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Let's do it."

25. "Huh... were you going to... propose?!"

26. "Will you marry me?"

27. "Look... I don't mean to be blunt but... you and me, it's a forever kind of thing. And there's no escape from that."

28. "Fate? Me loving you, you think it's fate? Nah, it's not fate. It's a choice. I choose to love you and to give you everything I own and everything I am every single day. And that's why what we have is true love."

29. "Do you have ANY idea of how worried I was about you?"

30. "I think you've just… puked on my shoes."

31. "I swear, if you die, I'm going to kill you."

32. "You're perfect."

33. "I love you. Do you think you could ever love me too?"

34. "Cuddles, cuddles, cuddles!"

35. "I'm sorry. For everything. I'm not going to ask you to forgive me though, cause I know that I don't deserve it."

36. "Just… shut up and kiss me."

37. "Please… stay."

38. "But if you leave now, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?"

39. "I don't want anything but you."

40. "You deserve so much more than what I can give you."

41. "I wish I did, but I don't deserve you."

42. "You make me so happy, it hurts a little."

43. "What if we don't make it?"

44. "Are you… are you bleeding?"

45. "I… I'm begging you… if you must kill someone, then kill me. But please, please… let him/her go."

46. "I can't lose you."

47. "What do you mean… you're pregnant?"

48. "You are so annoying…"

49. "You're an idiot. I love you."

50. "Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me…"

51. "Well… that was hot."

52. "So… good morning?"

"We're in the same bed. What the fuck are we doing in the same bed?!"

53. "I mean, we don't have a choice… there's only one bed. And I am not sleeping on that dirty carpet."

54. "Us being together, it's a terrible idea."

55. "LOOK! IT'S SNOWING!"

56. "This is the worst Halloween costume I have ever seen."

57. "Promise you'll always love me."

58. "I need your word. Promise me that you'll come back to me."

59. "So… does that mean… farewell?"

60. "I think we’re excellent at making memories.”

61. "Did you… did you sleep with him/her?"

62. "Where are you?"

63. "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

64. "Dear God… I'm surrounded by idiots…"

65. "I don't want you to go with him/her. I want you to choose me instead."

66. "What if we stayed in bed all day?"

67. "You fool! Fear my wrath!"

"Babe, you're threatening me with a broccoli, it is not very convincing."

68. "Karaoke night!"

69. "I am full of surprises!”

“Sadly, yes, you are...”

70. "Dance with me. Please?"

71. "I would do anything to convince you to give me a chance."

72. "I know it's hard. I know that life keeps on getting in the way. But I love you. I love you with my entire being, and I'm willing to fight for you. I'm willing to fight to keep you."

73. "Are you… are you crying?"

74. "Stop stealing my blanket!"

75. "Happy New Year!"

76. "Merry Christmas!"

77. "Is that for me?"

78. "Happy birthday!"

79. "So… is that… a date?"

80. "What do you mean it was a date? It wasn't a date!"

"Of course, it was a date!"

81. "Well… that… was a good kiss…"

82. "I'm a complete moron! I'm an idiot! I am the epitome of stupidity! It took me forever to realize it, but now I see it, and I'll be damned if I let you walk away. Because it took me all that time to realize it, but I love you. I love you so much. It's always been you."

83. "Are you drinking my cocoa?"

84. "Please, just… hold me. Please, hold me close."

85. "I'm cold."

"I'll keep you warm."

"Nice try!"

86. "It hasn't stopped snowing. We're stuck. We're gonna die."

87. "I AM NOT DYING HERE! IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! WITH YOU!"

"I know that the important information here is that we're gonna die, but I'm very upset that you don't want to do it specifically with me. Why not? I'm a dream!"

88. "Can I try some of your food?"

89. "I should have told you long ago."

"Tell me what?"

"That I love you."

90. "I am not going through a thirty-hours drive with you. There is absolutely no way."

91. "I used to hate you. Then, I simply disliked you. Now, I hate you all over again."

"Well, the feeling is mutual. But maybe it'll change."

92. "I really like you."

"I love you."

93. "Well, if you really were that clever, then you would know that I love you!"

94. "You have fever, you need to drink this. Come on, now."

95. "I just… I feel like I'm truly myself when I'm with you. I want to be myself when I'm with you. So now, if you're scared, don't call it love yet. But whatever you want to call it, it's incredible, and I'm not going to give up on this. I'm not going to give up on us."

96. "You're my home."

97. "Why is summer so hot?! I'm melting!"

98. "Have you ever felt like… memories get attached to a word and they almost change their meanings? Like… whenever someone says 'apple' I think of my grandma's pies, to the point that I almost forget that they're talking about the fruit. Well… your name… it's the same for love. When I think of love, I think of you."

99. "What wish did you make?”

“To spend the rest of my life with you.”

100. "If you only let me spend the rest of my life with you, I'd be happy with that. I don't ask for anything else, really. My life is complete as long as you're in it."

#event #4700 followers #writing prompts #prompts

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bangarangtumblweed · 3 years

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notes

Your country is killing you. Your country does not have your best interest in mind. That is why you have had to hoard all of your wealth. You may not have much. You may not think you have much. That is because your culture has taught you to think in a deficit or scarcity mindset. The only scarcity is your younger generations suffering for the inequities of capitalism. Capitalism does not have room for the elderly. The family has been abolished. The culture of caring for the elderly devolved into 100 square-foot apartments were three people attend to 30 or 40 individuals 12-18 hours at a time. Until they die.

Its profitable to keep poor people poor. Poverty charges interest. Cant afford a dentist? Next year you need a root canal. Can’t afford an upfront Costco membership to buy in bulk? Its 40 times more at the individual level. No money in your account? Overdraft fee. Transfer fee. Return check fee. Don’t pay your bill, late fee.

Fuck you.

Giving millions to charity that will trickle into the needy’s outstretched hand a minuscule percentage of what was promised gives you the warm and fuzzies. But I am actually hungry, I actually need help. The difference is: you know me.

You cant “personal finance” your way out of this. you cant tell me that I’m supposed to work overtime and not pee at the hospital or someones home 16 hours a day 7 days a week.

And then I’m supposed to buy a house, 150-300k but by the time my 30 year mortgage rolls around I’ve paid more like 600k to rent my land for which my tax bill can cause me to be foreclosed upon. Its not ownership, its fucking capitalism. You are the capital. You are the product.

License fee, registration, insurance, year after year.. Its a fucking joke.

Loyalty is not rewarded. Meth fueled work binges are.

I recently had a couple managers at a job who smoked meth. They were so manic I feared for my safety. Because they were on uppers and they were emotionally labile to the point of insanity. I get it, they needed the energy. we can’t physically lay stone for 12 hours. Its absurd.

My last job fired me for drinking water and getting my tire fixed, with permission. Mostly for not working overtime for free.

Let me tell you what I would do if I had any money. I would buy seeds. I would buy bitcoin. I would buy a cherry picker. I would get a pneumatic air polisher. There is no end to the amount of stuff that I can do. Money is not some thing that you supposed to keep you’re supposed to spend it on goods and services anybody could employ me to do anything. They don’t want to. Why? because I’m smarter than them. It makes them feel bad about themselves. When their shitty behavior is thrown back in their face, no one should be bullied into working more than they’re contracted for.

In addition; I’m prettier than your average duck. It makes people feel uncomfortable because there is no part of the brain that can comprehend what I look like. there’s no emotional equivalent inside of their mind. They do not have the capability to understand what they’re looking at.

it becomes cute aggression, the other side of the blade I walk every day.

I have seen people become enraged to the point of screaming, for absolutely no reason. I had a girl in nursing school argue with me about what “obtunded” meant. She berated me so flagrantly my teacher actually had to have a personal chat with her. There was no reason for it, I was actually right about the definition, and the condition the patient was in. This happens regularly. I wish I didn’t have such a good memory because I can recount almost every event like this, with terrifying detail

Its called and eidetic emotional memory. And although I don’t have a photographic memory I can remember conversations and events as if they happened yesterday.

My wisdom teeth give me frequent headaches. They need to be removed it’s $3-$8000. No one will take my government insurance in town here so I have to wait 6 or more months for the University Michigan school of dentistry which is 2 hours away. I’ve been cutting these molars into my cheek and tongue for the last 10 years.

Remember how I said poverty charged interest? If you can’t pay your phone bill you can’t get a job you you can’t get a job you can’t pay phone bill.

I won’t even leave my house for fear of crashing my car or getting covid because I know if I don’t have a car that runs or I get sick then I’ll become homeless.

Try getting your car fixed. Try to pay someone to tell you what’s wrong with your car for less than 250 bucks. Try and justify spending hundreds on co-pays for medications and therapy rather than just simply going to the marijuana dispensary literally around the corner from my house. I don’t drink drinking makes me sick, it’s poison. But marijuana has been Illegal my entire life. My brother handed me my first bowl at 15, I smoked more in New Zealand at 16, when I got home I kept smoking and I never stopped. I’ve been villainized and judged for every single action that I’ve ever taken since I was old enough to think and act for myself. My body was hijacked at a young age, my mind similarly so. By rapists and capitalism.

I have an IQ 130 and I’m a fucking carpenter

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sentimental-apathy · 4 years

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For the first time in a year and a few months, I seem to be slightly manic and unable to sleep... I’ve been emotionally tumultuous for several days with crying spells and random bouts of just pure rage and/or anxiety. I am severely depressed. I’m hoping I am able to sleep tonight cuz I just cannot deal with a whole downward spiral where I end up hospitalized again... I just. I can’t. I feel so stuck. Like I know I need therapy but yet I’m not in the right environment for coming home from therapy because when I come home, lol I’m gonna come home to what I went to therapy FOR in the first place so like this part of me has been putting off real therapy with a certified therapist for literal years cuz I’m like discouraged at the thought of discussing my trauma from childhood only to have to deal with the emotional impact of those discussions when I go home and am face to face with the very parental units that I know caused this trauma and this ptsd... so I told myself I’ll get therapy once I’ve moved out my parents house... but then I find it impossible to succeed financially because I’m SICK lol.... I find it physically, emotionally and mentally impossible to manage working 40+ hours per week for $10-13/hour only to take home less than 1700/month after taxes and to rent a halfway decent one bedroom apartment around my area is like 700-1000 plus utilities, on top of health insurance, on top of car insurance on top of a car payment on top of gasoline on top of cost of food and credit card debt, etc.... like 🤬 . And that’s considered a GOOD wage because it’s not minimum wage but like I still cannot live sustainablely or comfortably on that budget... I’ve tried. I think my issues mentally and emotionally are stunting my ability to sleep, sometimes even bathe, and eat right and the nerve pain, arthritis, and neuropathy and IBS just adds on to the misery since I am forced to work a job on my feet for hours. And I’ve been denied disability 3 times now. I’ve given up. So I’m doomed to just trying to bust my ass and grit my teeth and bear the physical pain which is FINE lol I can do that but the mental and emotional gymnastics going on in my head every day is enough to exhaust alone. I’ve also been considering taking out loans for a degree BUT... I might not be functioning well enough to actually engage in, commit to, and complete the courses so I can’t help but feel extremely anxious about signing a legal obligation to pay for classes that even if I finish will not absolutely garauntee me a stable steady job after... nonetheless I am set on taking medical billing and coding at some point but I can’t help but feel that even if NOTHING was wrong with me mentally or physically, even if I had NEVER been traumatized or won the genetic lottery for mental disorders.... the mere reality that in order to simply EXIST somewhat comfortably for the rest of this life I have to work 8+ hour shifts 5+ days per week for basically the rest of my life just so I can live in a house that belongs to a fucking bank not me lol... and that at any moment any place I work at can follow the “at will employment” stance of being able to fire my ass whenever... so that financial “stability” is always in jeopardy from an unstable, unbridled, unregulated capitalist society in which I’m brainwashed throughout all of childhood is actually a free market where all your dreams and goals are possible as long as you work hard!!! 🙄

TLDR: Am I ill and disfunctional??? Ooooor is the society I’m stuck in ill and disfunctional and just all around ridiculous???? And I’m one of many who are just like surrounded by TRUE insanity in this world while being deemed the “insane” one because I find it hard to navigate an economic landscape that is so perverse in nature that 44% of employed workers only make an average of $18k per year... and people still go to the polls and vote for candidates who WONT CHANGE ANYTHING OR CREATE POLICIES THAT WILL ACTUALLY HARM THE WORKING CLASS...

#my post #existence #depressed #depression #bipolar disorder #manic depression #anxiety #work class struggle #rant #disabled girl #disability #mental illness

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trying-to-work · 3 years

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Apparently my 13-year old wrote this. It's fucking great!

Oscar was heading back to his home. He had just finished his day of Education System 7. He went back home with high spirits, knowing that his friends would have something interesting on their minds. Oscar had very individualistic friends. Likewise, he was strange and unusual. But his friends always made life interesting, with their points of view.

Oscar and his friends liked to always go to the Sitting Garden. The Sitting Garden was a place where people could go to have a nice time and entertain themselves. It had lots of trees, benches, beautiful landscapes, structures and fountains. And the shrine to the Government leaders. All of the Government leaders were very respected and a huge part of their society.

Oscar headed to the Sitting Garden. As he was passing through to his favorite opening, he noticed that the vegetation around one of the trees was turning yellow. He went to further investigate, and found his friend James Conducting another one of his experiments. This time it was a flying device. He saw that the flying device was an electric hover engine, using propulsion fans to fly.

“Tell me, just what is this supposed to be?” Said another one of Oscar's friends, Kate. She was just as confused as Oscar as to what this was.

“This is a propulsion system that I came up with. By spinning fan blades to make the machine fly, it stabilizes the mechanism and steadies out the torque anomalies. I also use the energy of our impending doom to help.”

“What is our impending doom?” asked Oscar.

“Oh, you haven’t heard of the Supernova that is coming? Our very star is going to go into its Giant Phase in just 9 years, and the Government officials have yet to say anything.”

“What? Why was I not told of this! My family literally works for the System Stability Corporation. Am I the only one who this is news to?” exclaimed Occar.

“Oh calm down, this crisis has only been going on for 40 or so hours. You are not the only one left in the dark here. Our star is enormous. It is very unpredictable and a crisis like this is something that we prepared for.”

The trio discussed this matter further in the Sitting Garden, until the late night came. Walking at night in the Sitting Garden was always a very fun thing to do. The reflections of all the lights had such a magic effect on the fountains, and all the taller vegetation. As Oscar, Kate James walked back, they thought about the star that they lived by, and the evacuation process that had been formed for situations such as these. Oscar thought about what system the species would travel to, and what all would be different.

“Do you think that we will still have something like the Sitting Garden at our new planet?” asked Kate. She was the one who showed them the Sitting Garden. On the first week of Education System 7, Kate found her friends and told them of the most amazing place she had ever seen. They walked down with their parents to the Sitting Garden Entrance, and walked around the vegetation, fountains, statues, brick pathways, and open areas that brought the Sitting Garden so much life.

“I will miss the Sitting Garden. I wish we could bring it with us to our new planet. Then it would feel just like we were home.” said Kate. She had that look on her face that she had when something was not going well.

“Perhaps if we got a warrant of code 12758, we could legally move the object from one planet to another.” replied James

This was true, but would not change now. James had always been one to look at things as if they were able to be changed. He had grown up like that, he excelled at looking at technology in new ways. Innovation was his specialty. He was the Smart One.

Kate was the person who could make you feel anything. She had that way of communication that not many other people had. She always wins arguments. But that is what they did.

Oscar, he was the one who had a million thoughts going in in his head at once. He rarely spoke out. He was the kind of person that would not let you down, except when he realises that you are the useless person in a group project. He literally has you lie down and take a nap, so as to not have the useless person interrupt.

On his way out, Oscar picked a flower from the Sitting Garden, put it in a containment bag, and went home. The Supernova would not take the whole garden from Kate.

A few months later the government officials announced that everyone was to board the ships. Everyone did, and the planet was evacuated. The ships had many rooms, 1 for each family. Once everyone was on board, the rumbling began. The Ground slowly got further and further away from the window. Everyone looked forward to the Captain. He Said that everyone was to stay in their rooms for the lift off sequence. Everyone did as they were told, and hoped for a better tomorrow.

~ 10 Years Later ~

Oscar looked out the window of his office. He saw the tall buildings, tens of stories tall. Almost all of them were painted a blue gray color. The pops of color in the new city were the luscious trees and light post filled streets. He focused back on his work. He was a worker for the manufacturing organization. He was placing an order that the company had requested. It was a very boring job, but it was his responsibility. He took a final glance at the window, and this time saw something intriguing. It was a small black dot in the sky. Just there. The atmosphere of the planet produced a light green haze, but here was a random black dot. He stood up to look closer. It looked like a meteor. This was odd. The moon base usually shot down all meteors. It seemed to be getting larger as well. Oscar realized that it would crash into the planet. He quickly grabbed his things and ran to the bottom of the building. He told the guards what was happening, and they said they would try to alert everyone.

Meanwhile, James on the moon base, looked at the supposed meteor, and told the officials to shoot it down. They aimed their weapons, and took fire. The object exploded, and a fire of smaller rocks rained down. The intercoms came on.

“Please take shelter immediately. We are experiencing some temporary meteor problems.”

Everyone did as they were told, and sought out shelter. On the moon base, James knew something was wrong. Usually the targets like that were shot down automatically. He and a team went to investigate. They entered the room, and 3 people lay dead on the floor. The system was sabotaged.

“Oh dear.” said one of the shocked guards.

“We seem to have an imposter among us.”

There was then a red alert. The alarms were going off. Everyone was rushing, falling down, trying to get to their station. A huge man made object was rushing their way. It then sent a message to every screen on the planet. It was only a few words, but everyone was aware of what it meant. It said:

“Did you miss us?”

Everyone thought back to the official day of evacuation. Not everyone made it onto a ship. There just simply was not enough room. Some people volunteered to stay behind. Some were just unlucky. Oscars parents were some of those unlucky people.

Back down at the planet, Oscar was rushing towards the nearest shelter. The huge gray metal object slowly loomed closer and closer. It was almost like a bomb of some sort. The planetary guard began to fire at the object, but it only made a small dent. The city was still in a panic. Oscar got caught up in a large crowd of people. The chaos of the crown overwhelmed him, and in their stampede, Oscar Tripped and fell. His arm got most of the fall, but it still hurt. He was not even angry, he just wanted away from the awful thing in the sky. A small pod came down from the large ship, and boarded. Oscar ws silent among the screaming crowd.

The shuttle then engaged audio on the screens it took over.

“Look at this. This is chaos.” said the speaker. The person's voice was calm. Void of all emotion at all. It just stated this, as if it was an average conversation.

“This wouldn’t seem familiar to any of you. All of you were able to board a ship, and escape your problems. Hmm. You all make me sick. Nobody here is coming to oppose this little visit of ours.”

Everyone was silent now. The children all looked, awed and terrified at this person's words.

“My message to all of you is simple. 1,700 people are still significant, even out of 12 billion. Now, my life is almost meaningless, so I have one last act.” He signalled to the ship. The ship responded. And then grew very hot. It then exploded. The ball blinded Oscar. He couldn’t witness the final moments of his life. The ship detonated with an incredible bang. So loud, it shook the doomed planet. Someone grabbed his hand. It was Kate. Oscar’s final act was giving a flower, the one he had picked 10 years ago. then it all went black

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xxcureangelxx · 3 years

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5, 9, 10, 13, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 30-35, 38-42, 44-46, 50, 52, 54, 60-62, 66, 71-74, 86-91, 96, 100! 😊

okay I literally have no clue how old this is and if I'm even taking the questions from the right post but here goes I guess? 🙈

5. What is your favorite Color?

PURPLE

9. How tall are you?

about 1,70 meters or 5'7"

10. What shoe size are you?

size 40-41, I think that's about 8 in US sizes?

13. What talents do you have?

uhhh good question... not sure if it counts but I guess I'm quite good at a lot if things but can't do anything extraordinarily well?

20. Are you religious?

Absolutely not. Due to family history and a lot of other things I'm actually against it a lot but people can do whatever they feel like is right for them as long as they don't harm others with it.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes, quite a lot actually. practically grew up in hospitals as a baby because of kidney issues, broke both my legs with 4 years old, had to revisit for tests a lot during my childhood because of the kidney issue. it calmed down afterwards until I was back in hospital last year because of my terrible mental health and I'm currently in a rehabilitation clinic for it as well.

24. Baths or showers?

Shower's because we don't have a bathtub

25. What color socks are you wearing?

currently none, I love going barefoot, but usually I wear white, gray or black. I know... I'm a bad gay.. no rainbow socks (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

28. What type of music do you like?

you know.... I hate this question with a passion even though I love music so I'll just throw in my yt-playlist here and everyone who's interested can look through it to get a picture xD not sorted in any way and not a conclusive list at all, I just add songs as I find them

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

mostly just one at a time but I've got two different ones. one is the normal fluffy kinda pillow, the other is made of some kinda foam material and rather thin.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I'm always lying on the side! have been doing that since I was a baby too.

32. How big is your house?

compared to what? 🙈 I'd say decent size for 5 people to live in, would have space for 1-2 more if rooms were used differently but definitely not enough to comfortably live with 12 or even more people like my family used to. we've got like 3 proper sleeping rooms (one of which is the attic so not very nice in terms of heat and the staircase is smack in the middle of the room), a kitchen, a dining room, a big living room, a tiny bathroom that barely fits a toilet and shower, and the basement is a mix of storage, electrics and stuff, washing room/utility room and it's got another smaller room that's been turned back into a small workshop but used to be the room of my brother and later my grandmother.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I guess this is where it shows that I'm german but we usually just eat bread (preferably whole grain) with cheese or slices of salami or ..meat sausage? is that a proper translation? 🤨 idk... it's rather simple really. on the weekend maybe buns and boiled eggs. on the occasion that I'm too tired for it or don't have enough time I eat cereals but it's not very common when I'm at work/school

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

No, and I don't want to

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes!! I did last year when I was in the hospital and it was super fun! was quite good at it as well, even for my first try 😤

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?

I think about 3 days? if we count "barely unconscious for a few hours" as sleep that is... otherwise no clue...my memory of the bad sleepless time is quite hazy lol

39. Do you have any scars?

yeah, quite a few tbh. got 2 huge ones from surgeries due to my kidney issues, well they look like 2 but it's actually multiple ones since they simply cut open party of the old ones again, tiny hooman apparently have very little skin. then I got some other ones here and there from accidents, general dumbness, etc, like when I cut through my sunday morning bun and almost cut half of the tip of my finger off because my mother sharpened the knife and didn't tell me or that time as a kid I couldn't wait for my ironing pearl pictures to be done and burned myself on the hot iron, mostly stuff like that.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

I mean.. if they're a secret... how would I know? ;) not sure if it counts that it took me months to realize I had a crush on my best friend and the feelings were reciprocated and I was too blind to see the signs?

41. Are you a good liar?

Nope. People actually think I'm lying more often than I lie... so.... :/

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I'm.. honestly not sure what this one means? like, am I able to judge what kind of character a person has after barely meeting them or smth? if so, I'm terrible at it

44. Do you have a strong accent?

in german? nope. in english? hmm hard to judge since I rarely hear myself speak. I think the stuff I do know how to pronounce is mostly okay but since I learned it through reading I'm simply unsure of a lot of pronunciations. 'also'.... I can not for the life of me pronouns that word no matter how many times I hear it... it's kinda become a quirk after some classmates pointed it out to me and I'm incredibly aware how terrible I say the word but.... just can't get rid of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

45. What is your favorite accent?

I.. actually really love the way my best friend talks? 👉👈 they're french btw. just... typical me for struggling to understand them though, already terrible at it in german too...

46. What is your personality type?

honestly, I don't think I can answer that. I'm big on self loathing and everything's pretty shitty so, no thanks

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed. but does it even count id I'm bad at doing things with that hand too? lol

52. Favorite food?

hmmmm tough question... not the biggest fan of food in general a lot of the time... probably Züricher Geschnetzeltes

54. Are you a clean or a messy person?

Definitely messy. my allergies did not like this post trying to clean and tidy up more often though. my depression does not like this post either

60. Do you talk to yourself?

sometimes. quite a bit when watching movies or if I mess stuff up

61. Do you sing to yourself?

barely. got a lot of bad experiences with that so i keep my singing to a minimum. my shower is a great listener though

62. Are you a good singer?

I was in a choir for a few years when I went to 'middle school' and I had like one solo part once but other than that I can't really say because I barely ever sing in front of people

66. Do you like long or shor hair?

this question is currently my absolute nemesis.. I've got suuuper duper long hair and have had it ever since elementary school and I used to be super happy with it and sometimes I still am happy with it but other days, depending on where I'm at genderwise, I absolutely hate it and I just want to take the closest scissors and cut it all off... currently haven't had the guts to look for new hair styles though... but in other people? or women more specifically? I love long hair 🥺

71. What makes you nervous?

Or the shorter question: what doesn't make me nervous... I'd say pretty much everything has got the potential to make me nervous. I'm an overthinker, anxiety is a big thing for me and ptsd makes me scared of almost everything. so.. yeah... sucks to be me sometimes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Yes, very

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

I try not to but sadly I sometimes do, even if it's not my place to. I really don't like that part and hope I'll be able to learn not to sometime

74. Are you ticklish?

Yes and I hate it 😭

86. What are you allergic to?

again, easier question: what am I not allergic to... it's... a lot... like, really a lot. with the test on the skin of my arm I reacted to every single substance and the more thorough blood test lead to much of the same result. the absolute worst are birch trees (pitty, love those), then the usual pollen of pretty much every tree or flower, all animals with fur or feathers, dust and... yeah list goes on and on, you get the picture... :/

87. Do you keep a journal?

no.. have tried to multiple times in the past but never made it more than a week... too depressing to write and read... the therapist at the rehab clinic is currently forcing me to try a positivity diary for the millionths time, can't even get that done each day even though I'm doing it on my phone and get notifications to do it each evening...

88. What do your parents do?

making my life hell lol.. okay on a serious note, my father was a car electrician, he's retired by now, my mother is a housewife, she used to work different jobs before her first kid, later on she took care of my grandmother who was suffering from dementia, got some money and retirement points for that too.

89. Do you like your age?

I-... I don't know? it's weird because I both feel a lot younger and a lot older than I am rn....

90. What makes you angry?

another tough question... I actually have anger issues in that way that I'm barely capable of feeling anger... used to be worse but I already worked a lot on it in therapy so there's at least some there now... in the past I simply started to cry and felt overwhelmed by sadness whenever I was supposed to feel anger... so I can't tell very well what makes me angry because I first have to realize that I'm feeling anger or more like should be feeling it....

91. Do you like your own name?

Not really, no, but I guess I finally figured out some reasons why.. I've recently started going by a bit of a different name too but only my closest friends know so far and I'm not sure if I'll be using it irl at all..

96. How did you get your name?

I'm still trying to get my mother to admit that she named me after this song but she keeps denying it.. she's a fan of this band so it would have fit.. but she keeps saying she just liked the name, no long thought process behind it..

my chosen name is a bit of a different story. an ex friend I got to know through yt gave me that nickname almost 10 years ago after I complained that you can't make a shorter nickname out of my birthname and it's also the name of s character I like, especially his voice, and... idk it just feels more gender neutral and I simply feel comfortable with it. it just fit.

100. Color of your room?

same as question 5: Purple 🥰 or... well half the walls are purple, the other half is white

phew... can't believe I made it through all of these....

in case people haven't noticed yet, I'm currently kinda getting back into tumblr? I think I've already stayed a lot longer than any times I tried getting back before. it mostly started because we've got super bad wifi at the clinc I'm at rn and reddit takes up waaayy too much mobile data and... idk, I guess I just missed the vibe of tumblr

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stick around but we'll see

#ask game #answered #I really really do not have any clue how long this has been sitting in my inbox...#the og post was somewhere around december if I saw that correctly (๑•﹏•)#oopsie...#just hope posting goes through snd my 3 hours of hard work weren't for nothing....#edit; posting worked but tumblr messed up the formating...#I'm not gonna bother fixing that because it's late and I need sleep 😭

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juuls · 4 years

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Pinned: Writing Updates

Hiya folks! ^_^ With this new pinned post feature, I figured it would be a good spot to put updates on how my writing is going (or not). As most of you know, mental and physical illness and recovery keep me from writing either quickly or easily, and I know that bothers or puts off some of you. Believe me, I feel guilty a lot of the time I’m not writing, but I know that nobody wants me to feel like this is a job, that I should enjoy what I do, and I try my best to just relax and let the writing come to me. It has always been a grueling task for me, and my words fight me, but I choose to see this as a labour of love. Thank you, everyone, for your support (and for holding up my fragile, rebuilding, self-confidence/ego :P). Managing chronic pain and illnesses along with fairly rapid-cycling Bipolar II makes things a bit messy, but I keep pushing because writing (and you amazing readers) means so much to me. 💜

UPDATE September 4th: see below “Read More”

Previous update, August 21st: Still only about 2400 words into chapter 28 of Cross, and I deleted Hurricane due to reasons but will be working on it bit by bit to instead post it as a single-chapter fic later on when people aren’t so busy anymore. Means I can focus on Cross though, which is all people want from me anyway. S’all good! Looking forward to moving that story along anyway.

Still have @grlie-girl’s Mansom fic, which is an MTH-adjacent fic. But then that’s it! Then I’ll start back up on Deliverance, my Stuckony kidfic, and keep moving Cross along. :) I’ve also been doing quite a lot of brainstorming for my original fiction series, which will be a combo SciFi-Fantasy series with magic and tech both, along with an eventual triad relationship! I’m really excited for it, even if it takes me decades more to write. xD

Works in Progress:

Hanging From a Cross of Iron: Fem!Tony Stuckony, time travel and soulmate AU. Just posted chapter 27 on July 19th! Yay! I’m about 2400 words into chapter 28 and I’m forging ahead as mental and physical health allows. But I think... maybe before the end of August? Thank you, everyone, for your kindness and patience!

Stony MTH fic for @ishipallthings: Fem!Tony Stony, Pacific Rim AU. Natasha Stark/Steve Rogers (Earth-3490) Get Together fic. @sparkly-angell is awesome and helping me by being a soundboard and beta. 5-15k. Will post it all together at a later date instead of chapter by chapter.

Deliverance: Stuckony kid fic, post-Avengers but in the alternate timeline that occurs after Avengers: Endgame. Have not forgotten about this, but it dropped in priority once I sorta over-committed myself to MTH, whoops. I’ll be back to this, though. :)

Gift fic for @grlie-girl, Mansom: (Marta/Ransom) from Knives Out. Dirty, filthy, femme!Domme Sugar Mama post-canon oneshot. I may need a second account to post this pile of filthy hot lava. ;)

Recently Finished Works:

Thread Work: Stuckony wingfic featuring Tony’s sister Darcy, written for MTH.

Ten Days: PepperStuckony bodyguard AU written for MTH for @tehroserose and @astudyinsolitude-writes.

Bad: a ShockStuckony get-together, meddling matchmaker Darcy fic, written for MTH.

I will try to keep this up to date but sometimes I’ll forget. Check back occasionally to see if I’m any closer to updating! I love all of my readers and commenters, and am so blessed to have you choose to read my work. Thank you so much. So so much. I’m sorry for the wait, but I’m a comeback kid, I promise. Sending love, and be safe and healthy and good to those around you.

Love, <3 Juulna

UPDATE September 4th: I’m going to put up a separate post, probably, but what’s going on is this... I obviously have Bipolar II and have learned to ride the ups and downs pretty well in recent years, even if some things still surprise me on occasion. But what I’ve never been able to properly treat or learn to deal with is anxiety. I’ve always had GAD (general anxiety) but it’s been untreated since I had so much other shitty health to focus on. Prioritization, right? And I needed all my faculties to not end up dead at the hands or by the gun of my ex. Then, after I left, I was making strides in recovering from the severe abuse and trauma at my ex-husband’s hands, sharp tongue, and actions from July 2017 until... well, it’s still an ongoing process, but this whole year, part of 2019 too, has been a lot better on the healing front. The strides I was making helped me focus on things other than my anxiety, but after dealing with those things, the anxiety started crawling insistently in.

Didn’t help that I finally felt up to checking out what was going on in the world more often. And it’s been good for me, it has... in that I’ve become better educated in the awfulness of the world, which has allowed me to call out racists, ‘Truthers’, and other asshole bigots who remind me of my ex. The downside of all that is that I am way over-empathetic and am appalled at the absolute.... *makes incoherent helpless noises*... just, appalled at EVERYTHING. And I am afraid. And worried. And angry. And a slew of other words that I’m sure every one of you get. You’re all intelligent; you know what’s going on in the world.

And sometimes I devolve into apathy, sometimes sleepless nights (I get about 16-20 hours of sleep a WEEK right now, which should be in the 40-60 hour range, frankly), increased pain on top of the fuckton I’m already in, worsening migraines, dizziness, and the intrusive thoughts of my bipolar depression keep telling me there’s an easy way out of this all. That’s when I knew I needed to do something. So sitting down with my loving father and my caring psychotherapist, I put together a list of my symptoms, what I wanted to tackle most, what I was willing to let go, how all of it interacted (cocktail medications, which I’m already on, can be dangerous and deadly), and then put together a proposal for my doctor, who’s been my family practitioner for two decades.

When you hit the point of panic attacks weekly, and not being able to sleep, even with a double dose of your sleep medication... when you don’t want to watch the things that bring you some modicum of joy for fear of aspects reminding you about the real world... when you wish you simply didn’t exist anymore... you need help. I needed help, and I won’t shy away from discussing that in a public setting, for the simple fact that someone who reads this might need to hear that it’s not the end all be all, not the end of the line, not the end of your life. So with the support of my father and my therapist, who I spoke to last night and this morning, respectively, in advance of my doctor’s appoint this afternoon... My doctor listened attentively to me and gave me permission to go on benzodiazepines again. I will be taking one daily, the one that doesn’t have nearly as great a spike of effect, but lasts longer and steadier, and will also be taking the other, spikier one, as the equivalent of a rescue inhaler for the next panic attack.

I’m not trying to hide from what’s going on in the world. But there is a line I need to learn to respect in how much news I look for, how I consume it, and how I let myself run away with myself at any injustice I see. And fuck, there is a lot. I will still be keeping abreast of the news, still educating myself, still engaging in discussions with people I trust to be kind to my mental state as best they can in the situation, and other things. This will simply make it so I don’t devolve into an incoherent mess of a breakdown/panic attack, and most importantly it will keep me from suicide. It’s never been much of a threat for me, but lately...? Let’s just say I am a bit more concerned than usual.

Gotta love brains, eh? Mental illness sucks. But this is one way I can take control. Other ways include the Nutrisystem diet I recently started, going for regular walks with my pupper and dad, reading 42 Sci-Fi/Fantasy books and counting in 2020, breathing exercises, removing harmful elements from my life even if that pains me in the moment... I’m making progress in other areas.

But what does this mean for my writing? Well. Good question. The last few times I took the stronger of these two medications (on a more daily, vs rescue, basis), well, I didn’t write hardly at all. I have hopes for being able to write during this, with the more steady medication, but I also have to feel happy to write, and the state of the world isn’t going to give me much opportunity to feel that for months yet, if not years (go and goddamn vote)... so yeah. But I realized that I don’t put myself first in big ways like this. And this time I need to. If the writing happens, that’s wonderful. If it doesn’t? Well, I’ll settle for less anxiety and not being dead, and I hope that that’s okay with y’all. I know it’s frustrating when a favourite author takes ages to update, and I’ve always been fairly guilty of that... but you all know that I ALWAYS come back. That’s what I do. I love this community, this fandom, my beta, my readers... you make it all worth coming back to.

So please, all I ask is that you be patient with me. I’m experiencing a pretty severe mental health crisis and not holding on too solidly. But I’m thinking of you. Thinking of all of you, and just how much I appreciate you.

With love,

Juulna / Meg

#my writing #stuckony #stucky #stony #female tony stark #hanging from a cross of iron #deliverance #firecracker #marvel trumps hate #updates #status update #masterpost #of a sorts #hurricane #mth 2019

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bangtanlalaland · 5 years

Text

the final touch | kth (m.)

synopsis ↳you are left with Taehyung to close up shop yet again. your only concern is: “can I handle another closing shift with him?”

— nail tech!au

→pairing: nail tech!kim taehyung x nail tech!female reader

→genre: smut, pwp

→word count: 3.1k

→contents ⨯ warnings: heavy petting, kissing, swearing, dirty talk, masturbation, oral sex (m + f receiving), face fucking, squirting, unprotected sex (stay safe everyone!), creampie

Time was slowly approaching to shut the nail shop down, and it had been a long day. Mr. Lee, your manager, left you in charge to close with Taehyung yet again for the 3rd time this week. The one person you weren’t comfortable working with here. The only reason why you started working here to begin with is because you figured the extra cash wouldn’t hurt, considering that every bit helps when you’re a struggling college student. Why aren’t you fond of working with him? Well let’s start with the first reason why:

1) He’s ridiculously smoking hot. And God knows you do not do well around attractive guys. Even today, you don’t know how you made it through training when you first got hired. That is, since Mr. Lee assigned Taehyung to train you then. He literally gives you goosebumps anytime he: looks at you with those gorgeous cat-like eyes, calls your name with that intoxicating voice, or simply brushes past you to grab warm towels from the towel warmer. You always ponder if he has a girlfriend, but you wouldn’t be surprised if he did. How could he not?

He literally appears unreal, like a manga character. He’s been here since you started about a year ago. You noticed he always shows up to work with a new hair color just about every week or so. It’s either blonde, red, blue, gray, or sometimes pink. Out of those colors, your favorite one is actually dark blue. It contrasts so well with his apricot-toned skin. Lucky for you, that’s his hair color now.

2) The biggest reason of them all. He. Flirts. Too. Much. And no, not with you. The customers. All the time. You’re not sure if the reason you’re annoyed with this is because you’d rather have him flirting with you or the fact that he moves like a turtle, when you could really use his help (especially on the weekends) if he would just stop playing around.

But apparently, he was seen as the “best nail tech” here because he attracted the most customers. Most importantly, he kept them returning. The only reason they’d keep coming back was so that they could exchange looks and numbers with him, and it drives you insane. Not only do younger women come in because of him, but older women do too. Like 40-60 years old. It makes you gag.

3) Did you mention how hot he is?

It was the last hour until closing, and there were about 3 people left to service. As always, you had to help 2 customers, a mother and daughter, on your own while Taehyung was obviously occupied the past hour with the remaining customer. 99% of the time he was flirting. The 1% left was his actual work.

You were applying the final coat of polish on the mother’s toenails, while at the corner of your eye you could see and clearly hear the flirty remarks that were given to Tae. You cringed. Thankfully no one else came in at the last minute, which meant you were all set to clean up your station as well as the rest of the shop after checking the mother and daughter out at the counter.

Two minutes till closing, you lock the doors and turn the “Open” sign off. As you turned around, you noticed Tae wasn’t here. Ugh, where did that fucker go? I’m going to leave him here alone if he doesn’t help me close. You walk towards the back of the store and make your way to the storage closet just before the breakroom, where the cleaning supplies are.

You open the door and hear soft moans. It’s dark and you can’t see. You flip the switch so the light turns on, and sure enough there he was.. jacking off. His eyes dart open towards you after realizing you were standing in the doorway.

“Shit!” he exclaims. You immediately froze. You couldn’t believe your eyes. “What the fuck, Tae?” He hurriedly turns around to zip his pants up, you could tell he was embarrassed. He turns back around towards you and his rock hard bulge is so obvious. “Please! Please don’t tell Mr. Lee. I can’t afford to lose my job! I’ll do anything! Just don’t tell him. Please?”

“I hear you.”

He sighs of relief and adds, “Thank you so much. I don’t know how I could repay you. It’s just... I’ve been really sexually frustrated lately, and I don’t know what to do about it. I have to get off like 3 times a day now, and it sucks.” Your eyes widen and you gulp that thick lump of nervousness that caused your throat to tighten.

He looks down at you with those eyes filled of lust. You can feel the tension in the room rising, and you don’t know who is going to make the first move. You take another look at his bulging member, and he notices. He looks down at his erection and back up at you. You blurt out: “Oh stop it! Don’t give me that look. You were just standing here jerking off, how can I not notice how hard you are?”

He just stands there, blushing away.

“Ugh, whatever. When was the last time you had a blowjob?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

You roll your eyes, “Just asking. I mean.. all of those women you flirt with. I’m surprised none of them have pounced on your dick already.” He scoffs, “That’s because I know my limits. And besides, I don’t want them. I only do that for tips. You should try it sometime.” Your eyebrows furrow, piecing together the fact that the shop hardly gets male customers. You shake your head at him,

“Yeah, yeah whatever you say. Well are you going to help me clean up so we can leave or are you just going to stand there enticing me with your... dick?”

“Enticing you?”

“Yes! You’re enticing me. You do know that I’m straight, right?”

“Yeah... Why do you ask?”

“You literally just suggested that I flirt with our clients to get better tips. You know most of our clients are women.”

“I was talking about guys though.”

“Oh, really? Where? Because I obviously don’t see any.”

He starts to say something but then pauses, looking up in the air and squinting his eyes. You had assumed he didn’t have anything to come back with. “Okay, I’m done here.”

“Wait,” he pleads while grabbing your arm, turning you around, and looking into your eyes. You hadn’t noticed his facial features because you’d never been so close to him before. At least not this close. He had a small beauty mark on his nose and on his bottom lip.

He was literally inches away from your face. His lips so pink and luscious. He was staring at you the entire time, your body temperature rising through the roof. You finally look up into those beautiful, brown eyes. “Did you really mean what you said when you said I am enticing you?” You slowly nod your head and reply with a simple but quiet “yes.”

“Then you have no idea what I’m capable of.” He licks his lips, lightly pinching your left cheek with his fingers before leaning down to press his lips against yours. His lips were so juicy, tasting like berries. So silky, like your bedsheets at home. So soft, like a cloud. You could literally melt in his mouth right now. You pull away, feeling stunned then ask,

“Why did you do that?”

“Because I know you wanted to.”

Your eyes widen, “What makes you think that?”

“If you didn’t want to, you would have stopped me. And you didn’t.. I think you were really into it. Besides, you told on yourself,” he presses himself against you. You can feel his hard cock rubbing against your thigh. “I’m turning you on, remember?” You feel the temperature in the room rising, and despite how nervous you are, you’ve always wanted Taehyung from the first day he started working here.

And here he is now, pressed upon you with his stiff member. You smile nervously and don’t make eye contact with him. Instead you place your palms on his chest, then play with the buttons on his white-sleeved button down. You slowly ease down towards his jeans, rubbing what’s sheltered underneath and you hear an “oh fuck” from him.

He lifts your chin up with his finger and meets your lips once again. You entangle your fingers in his hair, as he asks for entrance into your mouth with his tongue. You give him access, and he lets out a soft moan that gives your core a rush of arousal. He grasps your left cheek with his hand and eases toward your earlobe, placing soft wet kisses then whispers,

“I really want to fuck you. Tell me you want it too.” The bass of his deep, masculine voice making your insides shiver. He steps back, staring deeply into your eyes and swipes your cheek back and forth with his thumb. You reply with a simple: “Yes, I do.”

Then you open your mouth to take his thumb in, sucking it ever so gracefully while looking into his eyes. He sucks his teeth, making that “hiss” sound. And you let go of his thumb with a “pop” sound. “Fuck,” he slips. “Follow me.” You lead him to the break room in the back of the shop, where the leather sofa is. You shove him towards the sofa, and he plops down with his legs open. You straddle on top of him to continue your make-out session.

Your lips meet once again. He grabs your ass, firmly squeezing it and guiding your hips. You move your hips back and forth, grinding on his clothed erection. You give his neck one lick using your tongue, trailing along his earlobe and giving him gentle kisses, gaining a low moan from him. He grabs your tits and kindly squeezes them, “Oh, Taehyung.. I’m so horny. Please, I need you in my mouth.”

You ease off of him and kneel down, grabbing his belt to unloosen it and unzip his khakis. He lifts up just enough to pull his pants and boxers down. His stiff member plops straight up, and your mouth waters at the sight of it. He slides down a little, getting himself comfortable and giving you closer access.

"Holy fuck, you’re huge.”

He softly chuckles, “You think so?”

“Um... yeah? I mean look at it!”

You couldn’t estimate how long it is, but you knew it was long enough to make you squeal. You spit on your palm and wrap your fingers around his shaft, spreading the saliva along it as you jack him off. You notice the slit on his tip is oozing with pre-cum so you drop a line of saliva onto it and spread more of your spit on his cock. Next you wrap your lips around his mushroom-shaped tip, softly sucking and pulling away repeatedly, making that “pop” sound.

“Fuck... Stop fucking teasing.” He grabs a handful of your hair and pushes you down onto his cock, forcing you to take him whole. He catches you off guard by thrusting his hips into your mouth. You glide your tongue under his shaft, attempting to restrain yourself from gagging. You hear him say,

“Yes, just like that.. *hisses* don’t stop..”

The slurpy sounds of you getting face-fucked echo throughout the room, and you feel a gush of wetness soak your panties. He stops thrusting and relaxes. You let in a huge inhale as you pull away trying to catch your breath, leaving a string of spit coming from your mouth leading to his cock. You give him another stroke with your hand and he grabs your hands lifting you up.

You both switch positions. Now you’re laying against the couch with your legs open. He helps to remove your polo tee, and khaki pants, revealing your D sized cup bra, paired with your silky panties. He grins, giving you a lustful expression, “Wow, I never knew this was underneath your uniform this whole time.” His compliment makes you blush. He runs his hands along your body, starting with your breasts. He un-snaps your bra and throws it across the room.

“Fuck, you’re so sexy.” He caresses your tits, and plays with your nipples. Flicking your left nipple with his tongue, he wraps his lips around it giving a lengthy suck while looking up at you. You throw your head back in pleasure and moan his name, running your fingers through his silky, straight hair. He moves to your right breast and repeats the same action, while slipping his hand towards your aching core. Rubbing gently through your panties.

“Mmm, please Taehyung. Just fuck me already.

“I want to taste you first.” He wraps his arms under your thighs, pulling you closer to him and kissing the silky material that’s concealing your core. He teases you a little more by grazing his nails across the inner parts of your thighs. You groan and squirm in response. “I love seeing you like this.. All horny and ready for me. It’s so hot.”

He pulls the seam of your panties and you lift up off of the sofa to help remove them. He spreads your legs open to finally reveal what’s been hidden. He traces your pussy lips, covering his fingers in your juices.

“Woah. You’re fucking soaked, I love it.” He dives in head first, laying his tongue flat upon your lips, gliding up and down from your entrance to your clit. He returns to your clit and flicks it with his tongue then begins sucking on it. You let out a loud gasp and curl your toes. He sucks and kisses your pussy lips, licking all around and spreading his saliva with his tongue, mixed with your wetness.

“Ah, Yes! Uh-please don’t stop!” You can’t help but grasp his hair once again and grind against his face. He moans into you, and it makes your pussy tingle intensely. He inserts his long, slender finger inside of you twisting it in and out. He gave your clit one last lick and pulled away adding another finger inside of you fingering your pussy moderately, making sure to curve them into a “come here” gesture.

You suddenly feel an unfamiliar urge, and then woosh. You look down to find that you squirted all over Tae’s fingers and made a small mess on the sofa and floor. He licks and slurps your juices. Completely caught off guard, you lay there shocked.

“Oh my God! I’ve never squirted before.”

“Hmm.. there’s a first time for everything, right?” He adds, while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. With his cock stiff and your ready, dripping core, he uses his member to slide along your lips, rubbing against your clit. He gives your pussy a few slaps with his cock. “Fuck me already, Tae. Please.”

He gives you a smirk before saying, “Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it,” then ramming in all the way and rubbing your clit simultaneously. You breathe in a loud gasp, trying to adjust to his size.

“Mmm, fuck. You’re so tight and wet, why didn’t I fuck you sooner?”

His cock literally filling every inch of you, he takes hold of your hips to pick up the pace. You yelp from how thick he feels inside of you. Your tits now jiggling up and down from the fast pace, he uses one hand to wrap around your throat. Your moans becoming uncontrollable. He switches rhythms, and groans at the sight of his cock sliding in and out of you.

The next thing you know, he flips you over and has your ass up with your face down while he’s pounding your kitty like there’s no tomorrow. You try grasping the couch, to catch yourself from falling forward from how hard he’s banging into you. But you’re conflicted from trying to cover your mouth to conceal your intense screams.

Noticing this, he bends over to pull your hands away saying: “No. I want to hear you scream, baby.” Your hands immediately grip the couch again as he slows down his thrusts. Your kitty clenching tight around him. “Good girl. You’re so sexy.” He drags his nails down your back, erupting soft moans from you. He gradually slows his pace, and you follow his lead. He guides you into the cowgirl position, and you position yourself on top of him.

You rub your heat against his tip before inserting him inside of you. “Uh! Oh fuck,” you moan, throwing your head back, taking all of him in and rubbing your clit. You feel yourself on the verge of an orgasm any moment now. Taehyung, who is nearly drained and almost out of breath, as you pick up your pace while riding him. Your thighs slapping against his, both of your bodies dampened with perspiration.

“Y/N, you feel amazing... I don’t think I can last any longer.” He reaches towards your breasts and sucks on them, playing with them as they jiggle in his face. To your surprise he picks you up, with his dick still inside of you, and pins you down on the sofa into the missionary position. His body pressed on top of yours. You reach down to rub your clit again as he hammers into you.

That tense feeling deep inside of you re-approaches stronger than ever and you feel your body entering a stage of nostalgia. You knew exactly what was happening so you wrap your arms around Tae’s neck.

“T-tae-hyung, I am- c-cumming,” You manage to say between breaths. His thrusts becoming harder and slower, but deeper. “Cum for me, baby. Cum all over my fucking cock.” He demands while lifting himself up enough to rub your clit in circles, applying just the right amount of pressure to have your walls pulse rapidly around his length. And that’s all it took for your orgasm to reach it’s full potential over you.

Causing your legs to tremble furiously, your nails to scrape his back up and down, your breathing to become delayed, your eyes to roll in the back of your head, and your moans to turn into a high-pitched sound that you become inaudible due to the wave of bliss that flows throughout your body.

“Oh, fuck. I’m cumming,” Taehyung moans. You feel your walls being drenched in his hot, sticky load. He collapses on top of you, resting his head in between your tits. Breathing heavily he attempts to say, “That was...”

Although you were slowly coming down from your high, your body still slightly twitching, you gather up the strength to play with the strands of his hair and respond with, “Amazing?” He smiles, revealing those pearly whites. “So amazing.” A sudden silence overtakes the room.

You both remain rested on each other, like you were stuck together. Glued. The vibration from his vocal cord rumbles against your exposed abdomen when he breaks the silence: “Hey, you are on the pill right?”

Your eyes widen. Oh shit. You thought.

#bts smut #v smut #taehyung smut #bts v #bts taehyung #bts blog #bts one shot #bts imagines #cherryseoulmates #magicshopnet #bangtanlalaland #why am i so dirty #haha #omg help

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chierei · 4 years

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Job Hunting for Dummies

I am in a school program where I spent 80% of my time learning how to get a job. While this might not work for non-specialized jobs, but if you are looking at a more targeted field, this will get you a job much easier than dropping a ton of application. Again, this works best if you are looking for a targeted job and even better, if you are a student. This entire process is detailed in Steve Dalton’s The 2-Hour Job Search but I’m basically going to give you what you need to do to get a job you will like (or at least not hate).

First, make a LAMP list. LAMP stands for List, Advocacy, Motivation, and Postings. Open an Excel Spreadsheet and just list those four things as columns. Or use this template that I am giving you. (Please save a copy for yourself)

1. List: Make a list of every company you can think off in your industry. If you are looking for only in an area, search only in that area. Use things like LinkedIn, Crunchbase, or plain-old Google. Just, make a list. Get at least 40 companies. Do NOT research the companies. Just write down the names in an excel spreadsheet.

2. Advocacy: Now, you are going to look to find companies where you can find an Advocate. This might be friends or family, friends of a friends, friends of family. This might be someone who went to your college--whether undergraduate or masters. The easiest way to do this is LinkedIn. Use the search function for LinkedIn and then filter for your school/organization and then search, company by company, to see if you have any alumni at all at those companies. Fill out the spreadsheet on a simply Yes/No Basis. Don’t research more. Just is there someone there vaguely connected to me in some way? Yes or no.

3. Postings: Now, look at each of these companies and then on a scale of 1-3, give them each a score. 3 means that they have a current posting up for a job you that want. 2 means they have jobs posted but not for what you want. And 1 means no postings at all.

4. Motivation: On a scale of 0-3, rate each company on how much you want a job with them. If you know nothing about a company, rate it as 0.

Now look at your list. You have 40 companies, at least, where you might find a job. Remember that. There are options.

Now, in Excel, you are going to use multi-level sorting in this order:

Motivation: Highest to lowest Postings: Highest to lowest Advocacy: Z to A

Now, focus on your Top 10 only for now. Maybe, as your search goes on, look at your top 15, but from experience, you should be able to get something in your top 10.

Next, the entire idea behind this exercise to to find companies to reach out to. Yes. This means networking, and yes, it sucks. I hate networking. HATE. But, sadly, this is the fastest way to get a job. They say that 70-85% of jobs are found through networking. You are better off spending your time networking than spamming out applications.

Now, starting at the top, you are going to go company by company. Find one person at each company that is somehow connected to you--whether it’s a friend of the family or an alumni from your school. Try to find someone likely younger and in the position you are interested in. If you don’t have anyone connected at that company, you can take two routes: pick someone who has the job you want and cold email or you can take a longer route by trying to wrangle an introduction from outside that organization. I personally do the former.

These are your potential advocates. Now, this is how you can be creepy, but you are going to *find* their emails. Use Hunter.io and it’ll help you find work emails based on name and company. If they aren’t there, you can blindly guess as most company follow this pattern: [email protected]

Now, you are going to write each of these people an email. I suggest one person per company at the moment so you don’t get cluttered.

Next, draft an email to each of these people. These are what we call a 6-point email, because they are very short and consist of six points. They all follow this format:

Subject: Your experience at (company name)

Dear (name of person),

My name is (your name) and I am a (student/friend/etc) of (university name/friend name). I am interested in the work you have been doing at (company name), especially in (something specific that they have been working on). Are you able to have a short call with me to chat about your work and career in the next week?

Regards, (your name)

And that’s it. Three sentences and two of them will be identical for every single email you send.

And the reason we call this the 2-Hour Job Search is because from start (making your list) to sending the last email, it shouldn’t take more than 2-hours.

Now, two things can happen.

One: The person responds and says they’d love to have a chat. If you can do this in person, even better, but by phone or video-chat is perfectly fine. Set up a 30-minutes slot to chat with them. Reach their LinkedIn before that chat and come prepared with questions.

Now, this chat is what we call an informational interview. Do not ask for a job. DO NOT ASK FOR A JOB. We call this an informational because the goal is to gain information from this person. People love to talk about themselves, so give them this chance. You can learn more about information interviews here, but I usually do 2-4 minutes of small-talk, ask them about their journey to how they got their current job, and then start doing a deeper dive. End the conversations with “Are there any resources or advice you’d give me as I try to get into this industry?” or something similar.

What is the goal of this entire thing? It’s that you want a referral from them to someone else. Do not ask for a referral on the phone, but if they bring it up, say thank you. After the call ends, within 24 hours, send a thank you email, and this is when you can ask for a referral. The thank you email should be short, like this:

Dear (name),

Thank you for taking the time to talk with me yesterday. I really enjoyed our conversation about (something specific you talked about). I am very interested in (some function/role/area of study), and I would like to learn more. Is there anyone in your company that would be willing to talk with me?

Thanks, (Your name)

It is better if they introduce you through email directly (which most will do) but others may just give you an email. If they give just an email, in your introduction, make sure to say who referred you to them.

So, if all goes well, they introduce you to someone and you start this entire thing over, slowly making your way through the company. The hope is that when a position opens up or after you’ve applied, your contacts in the company will come to you about the job. Or, when you apply, you can name a list of employees you’ve talked to and how they’ve made you want this job. Or maybe, your interviewer will be one of these people you’ve already spoken to.

Optional: If you had a great conversation that you actually liked, you can follow-up with this person maybe 2-4 weeks later and ask for another chat.

The other thing that can happen is that they don’t respond. Don’t worry. People are busy, and emails get lost. You are to follow up twice. Once after three (3) business days and again after five (5) business days. Reply to your original email and just say:

Dear (name),

I wanted to follow up with the below. Are you available this week for a talk? I am free at (offer 2-3 times you are available.)

Thanks, (Your name)

If they don’t respond after your second follow-up, don’t email again. That lead is dead. Find another contact and try this all over again. (If you are super organized, you can start working on another contact at day 3.) Sometimes dead-ends do bear fruit though! I’ve had emails sent back to me months later with them apologizing for the delay or lost email and would love to chat still.

And that’s it. Repeat until you find something. You should not be spending more than 30 minutes a day on job hunting. If you are doing one informational interview a week, that’s enough. It’s easy to get burnt out, so spread them out and talk to people that you actually want to talk to because they are doing cool shit.

Results: I have received two job offers using this method. I thought it was dumb, but I chugged along. I have found two job offers during COVID-19 where companies are mostly under a hiring freeze. I had one company lift their hiring freeze for me and create a position just for me. It took me three months, which is about double the time it should take, but we are under special circumstances. I have had several other companies say that they would have offered me something if they were hiring. I have had companies email me afterwards to see if I am still available, because they have posted a job I could be interested in. I have friends who have found jobs in under a month using this method during peak recruiting.

Final tips:

Set a reminder in your calendar for your 3-day and 5-day (called 3D5D) reminders. They can start getting confusing when you have a few things going on.

Focus on what you like. Reach out to people who sound interesting. It’ll help the conversation feel more natural. It became a lot more natural when I reframed the conversation as “What can I learn from them?” as opposed to “What can they do for me?”

You won’t vibe with everyone and that’s okay.

Be prepared to answer this: “Tell me about yourself.” Spend less than 2 minutes on this intro--just give your background, what you do, what you love, or what you are interested in. If you need more help creating your pitch, here is a great video.

This is the quick-and-dirty version of this, but it’s all in the book The 2-Hour Job Search. Steve Dalton is a cool dude who wrote this book because he’s an awkward bean and making this step-by-step guide helped him. I hope this was helpful to you, and if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask me!

Lastly, assume positive intent! <3

Networking sucks. But it does work. I have severe anxiety over meeting strangers and phone calls, but this is formulaic which helps.

And it feels contrived, because it is. But try to focus on the idea that you want to learn from these strangers and not get a job, and that helps the interactions be more normal.

And happy job hunting!

#job hunting #job hunting advice #how to find a job #networking #jobsearch #job search #life advice

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