#but i need to get it out and i dont feel like paraphrasing for here. im just. man. oh man. oh fucking man.

[slavhew]

Posting my thoughts here too.

PPS; there is something about BGD still looking the same while jake has so clearly changed in appearance. I don't have anything clever to add, except that that stupid fingerless-gloved hand is so quintessentially Dirk, it looks like an aesthetic choice that belongs to a man much younger than Jake. Because it does. Because Dirk stopped, while Jake had to keep going.

[yangscowlick]

RWBY V9E6 DVD COMMENTARY

Because I know what the people want —

Here’s the commentary on the Bridge Scene in Episode 6:

“We could have done it on Remnant, but there’s something so special about doing it here [the Ever After].” Noting that it feels “more private” and something that Yang, in particular, would need.

“Feel so weird being able to finally actually talk about this stuff.” - Kerry re: Bumbleby

“Blake has been bisexual for a long time [to herself].”

I DO NOT WANT THIS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT OR CONSTRUED ANY WHICH WAY, BECAUSE I DONT THINK THEY ARE SAYING ANYTHING ONE WAY OR THE OTHER ABOUT YANG’S SEXUALITY. But one of the reasons they stated they took their time getting to this moment with Bumbleby is that “This is something new for Yang…it’s something she’s realizing about herself.” [in contrast to Blake knowing herself in this regard - see bullet above]

They chat about Casey Williams knocking it out of the park.

“So they smooched!” - Kerry, trying to downplay the gushing they just did for minutes once the scene was over.

Paraphrasing: “I’m really happy with how it all came together. It took a lot of people to make it all come together like that. I think it’s one of the things I’m most proud of being a part of creatively.” - Eddy “Me too.” - Kerry

Kerry also discusses some of the logistics involved with creating the Bridge Scene, from the assets, to the mocap, to the wind, etc. Bit hard to convey via a bullet, but just a high level overview of all the moving parts and teams that went into the scene.

“Every single person who touched this scene in some way put in their everything.” - Kerry

“I love the squeak from Ruby.” [when Blake/Yang get caught macking]

An alternative line for Jaune when they were writing was “I cant believe I’ve been gone for years and that still hadn’t happened.” But they thought it was a bit too cynical.

[nightcolorz]

For the ask game: ❤️💚💙

YAYY thank u sm for the ask! these questions r so fun. I’m going off of the book fandom btw

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

Louis <3 I think this is an affect of how likable and overtly sympathetic he is in the amc show but I've seen people getting genuinely offended over Louis being described in fandom (and by Anne rice herself) as a manipulative cold hearted ass who uses his perceived vulnerability and gentleness to distract from the fact that he is just as cruel if not crueler then the other vampires. Like Louis does nottt have strong morals or high empathy lmao. Book Louis weaponizes his privilege like a white woman crying to self victimize into making the other vampires look worse them him 😭 . He refuses to kill humans for a while not bcus it hurts him to take life (he actually takes more pleasure in it then most), he refuses bcus he has catholic brain the way a christians who say "how do atheists have morals without god?" do, misunderstanding that most people actually care about other people and dont need an existential threat to encourage them not to hurt others.

His moral compass is self centered and based in up keeping the appearance of self restraint and monk style lack of enjoying himself, not empathy. If a vampire killed u would u feel better if u knew he cried over how much he got off on it then flaunted his suffering over how little he indulged so that everyone knew how piosis he was 😭.

He is way worse when it comes to how he treats his victims then Armand who intentionally seeks out victims who r asking to die or Lestat who tries the vigilante approach. Louis kills innocents and he thinks it makes him better cuz he only does it sometimes and he feels really really bad about himself afterwards. As akasha said (paraphrased) he's the most predatory of them all.

To specify I love book Louis SOOOO much I love how shitty he is that's why it makes me sad when people mischaracterize him as sincere and get gen mad when ppl characterize him how he is in canon (a lying selfish bitch bless his heart). Like ik amc Louis at this point in canon is unambiguously in the right but he isn't like an accurate reflection of how he is in the books 😭 it's not like amc did what anne rice was trying to do more successfully, they just nulled what anne rice was doing in favor of a more likable protagonist. Which is fine, but like, there's no crime in preferring evil to the core horrible asshole Louis of the books.

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

I think the common fandom perception of Armand as the crazy unhinged "omg I can't believe he actually did that in the books??" sadistic maniac villain guy is funny but not really accurate. Armand explicitly not only tries to avoid violence but dislikes it and finds it hard to comprehend why someone would seek out violence and conflict.

The reason he is always doing fucked up shit isn't out of a lestat-esc desire to cause chaos, it's bcus his highly strung ptsd brain has him convinced that the world is a battle ground and he must always be defending himself and acting out in violence.

Since acting out in violence is a reaction hes been taught throughout his life to be standard and necessary, as violence is something so normalized to him he considers it more of a tedious chore then a last resort measure, he usually reacts to conflict in ways that are objectively extreme to anyone who isn't thinking from his perspective. In qotd he even asks Daniel why men choose to fight in wars, explaining that he doesn't understand the draw of violence (bcus he's not a man) and he can't comprehend the supposed thrill of it.

Then he says this in pl to Gregory

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think they are?

i was going to say Marius but I figure that's too obvious since everyone at this point knows I don't like Marius 😭 so here's an even hotter take,,,,, Lestat ‼️

Only to a degree, I think Lestat is hot and deserves the hype, but i also think he's hot in a different way then a chunk of the fandom does. Based on his book description he's kind of wonky looking, mouth too big for his face, vaguely unnerving shallow pale skin, starved 1700s peasant build but also kind of buff in the unhealthy "i dont eat regularly but I'm strong enough to carry a wolf for miles on my back" sense, weirdly small fucking feet. He def has creepy ass florescent blue doll eyes too. my point is I think when drooling over Lestat the fandom tends to forget this wonkiness in favor of blonde bombshell, Sam Reid chizzled jawline and abs, or conventionally beautiful anime twink, when they should be appreciating lestat in all his weird as shit glory.

[gigidragonbbxxx]

a personal struggle + an education

this is all just gigi's opinions + thoughts

Reader, I'm struggling with empathy right now.

Don't worry, I'm not suffering from a personality pathology, I promise I am quite sympathetic and empathetic. It's just battling the feeling of wanting to be kind but also seeing a major problem and knowing I need to get it off my chest.

Let me give it to yall straight (with tweaked/paraphrased details to protect privacy and not to out anyone):

I saw a favorite loass coach/twt account/subliminal creator make fun of an "old timey" English sentence either from Neville Goddard or Edward Art. They proceeded to say that they "hate" it and "why can't they just say it simpler". and then someone else commented "they're talking bullshit fr".

The convo thread on twt devolved into an echo chamber that essentially boiled down to the old fool's adage "If I don't understand it, it must be stupid and not worth it."

This really triggered me because

The phrase quoted was not that hard to understand.

It was clear these women were not educated

Why am I judging or mad at people for their ignorance? (this is why I kept quiet on twt and went here to vent. I acknowledge that two things can be true, I can be kind and still be honest.)

I was and currently am still wrestling with these things within me.

On one hand I don't want to judge. I want to be inclusive and welcoming and supportive.

On the other hand - yall don't look educated, yall wind up looking dumb.

I'll say a harsh truth yall and you can go argue with a damn wall but I know I'm right: stupidity is not cute.

My Hot Take (not so hot when you think about it)

The Law of Assumption rewards those who feed their mind with knowledge

Before you argue with me, think about it. Seriously.

I don't want to seem ableist if someone suffers from dyslexia or if someone struggles in school. It's totally okay to have different paths to learning. The importance is still obtaining the information. You can read or listen to the audiobook, etc. The paths to knowledge are varied but in the end the result is the same - THE KNOWING.

The "old timey" sentence that the creator complained about COULD BE READ BY NINTH GRADERS BECAUSE OF SHAKESPEARE EXPOSURE.

That's why I was exasperated. They were complaining about English (the only language in which they are fluent) that is regularly taught to 14 year olds.

Guys. Stand up. Please stand the fuck up.

Who in this world is gonna take you seriously without BASIC COMPETENCY in literature or math?

Lemme roast some of yall if you want to disagree:

Yall wanna be master manifesters and claim to understand the double slit experiment but can't even name the fundamental laws of science or explain them.

Yall wanna be successful in your businesses and don't know how to calculate your profits.

Yall wanna be seen as intellectuals who "understand" more than the majority of the population and yall can't even fucking read Descartes or Shakespeare.

Yall wanna be content creators and don't know how to proofread.

One time I bought an affirmation tape that came with a pdf with all the affirmations listed. The tape itself was excellent but the pdf was riddled with errors! It makes me sad because something that can help change your life, like a sleep tape to saturate, "cheapens" in its authenticity at the price of minor errors. Sigh.

Let me tell you that 100% you can be successful in this world just by going to the end and claiming it.

BUT YOU LOSE A LOT OF TREASURE BY NOT GIVING YOURSELF THE TOOLS TO DIG FOR IT.

THERE IS SO MUCH FOUNDATIONAL INFORMATION WITHIN THESE "OLD TIMEY" TEXTS.

and if you don't like any of it and just wanna watch sammy ingram and manifest like that THEN GO AHEAD BUT DONT CLAIM TO NOT UNDERSTAND A SENTENCE AND THEN CALL IT BULLSHIT.

just be honest and own it!

be honest that you don't wanna read, that you don't wanna be academic and that's 100% okay and you're still beautiful and worth everything but

do not put down the value of what is being said just because you don't understand it

That's why I am frustrated, reader.

I am educated enough to recognize when someone's ignorance is just that - ignorance.

But I am human enough to be annoyed.

So please give yourselves some grace and take the time to appreciate knowledge. Without the knowledge of the law of assumption, we wouldn't all be here interacting with one another.

xx, gigi

p.s. for those of you who are more familiar with reading the Bible via the law of assumption lens - I beg you to think of Solomon. He was asked by God what he would like and Solomon chose wisdom over material things. Why is that? Because through wisdom comes the ability to know how to obtain all one's desires. Food for thought.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

actually yeah speaking of no bitches megamind scion. i would fucking love your thoughts on. All of that. actually. like, okay, all of gold morning (<- this is not a term actually used in the book but it comes up in ward & is what All Of This This is known as), but i'll send u another blank check ask 2 talk about that. here specifically hey i know you've had so many thoughts on Where the Endbringers Come From & that's been smth you've been rlly interested in & also eidolon. so. like. hey. what are your thoughts on interlude 27.y?

fuck dude. my mind is. radio static rn. hey also gold morning is an insane thing to call thta holy shit okay!!!!! funked up!!!!!!

YEAH ITS BEEN SOMWTHING IVE BEEN FUCKING SUPER INTERESTED IN. BTW. DO U KNOW JOW MUCH IVE THOUGJT ABT THE DAMN ENDBRINGERS DUDE. fuck. okay! at risk of sounding like a dummy here I'm only *just now* starting to understand what the fuck that meant. I don't think i fully processed it yesterday. but i think I get it now. there are 2 options in my mind here ans it's either. scion created them to test the shards/create memories in an attempt to continue the cycle. I feel like this is not entirely the case since we didn't see that happen in his timeline and also I think he knows somewhere in his mind that continuing the cycle is a lost cause because he lost his counterpart (which. still holding out hope that we're gonna find out what exactly happened to It . that feels like a big chekovs gun rn. running theory is that some cape rn has its main shard or whatever and it can be revived? (hey btw did glaistig uaine absorb eidolons shard or do we think he was just completely obliterated. wouldnt that be fucked if she had access to his power and could absorb both dead capes AND living capes apparently. what the fuck..girl power i fucking guess.) OR its corpse is somewhere like a big cosmic whalefall or whatever. this is rlly just wishful thinking for me tho) ANYWAY. OTHER OPTION. which im thinking now is the more likely one. is that fuckign. the goddamn. reason eidolon let himself be killed there the reason he gave up is that. he created them. either knowingly or unknowingly I haven't figured out. but like. fuck. his power gives him "whatever he needs in the moment" << paraphrasing. he needed worthy opponents. this is so fucked up. dying to know whether this was a conscious action on his part or not. fuck. okay! I feel like I'm still. processing. or something. this whole time. this whole fjcking time. it's been eidolon.

I dont know why I had beef wirh him he just always seemed like the most secretive of the protectorate and he was always like..cold and distant and mysterious and I thought that meant he was hiding some other huge thing about cauldron. arguably I disliked alexandria WAY more but eidolon was just. sus. WHICH . I MEAN. IN MY DEFENSE. APPARENTLY HE FUCKING WAS HIDING SOMETHING EVEN IF IT WAS SUBCONSCIOUS. ENDBRINGER MOTHER. HE GAVE BIRTH TO THEM . APPARENTLY. CONGRATU FUCKING LATIONS

[tojisun]

I just moved into my college dorm and I hate it here so much, I just want to go home but I can’t, do you have any tips on how to keep the homesickness at bay?

oh sweetheart im so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. tbh i didnt know what to say because my campus is just about two hours commute from our place and i just braved the travel. but i have a friend who moved out (five hour commute from her place to campus) and is living in the college dorms and she said these are what she did to get over the homesickness:

(paraphrased from our chat)

routine was so important to me so i started a new one. (she would wake up at 7am to jog, grab matcha after, then come back to the dorms to shower. when school wasn't starting yet, she said she still walked around the campus to familiarize herself because she wanted to know the best hangout spots.)

i found something to keep me busy. (she went to the plant nursery and got new plants for her dorm; went thrifting for a rug and for a new bag. she also knits so apparently she made a goal to make a sweater.)

i kept in touch with the fam and her friends. (she said she'd keep calling; when she was knitting, she'd either watch a movie or call.)

she suggested i add using campus sources, particularly the counselling one, because they are a good help.

at the end of the day, she said, it will get better. that it is going to be tough at the start because of course your whole life was back home, but dont forget to have fun now, she said. living alone has apparently made her more mature, but also more conscious of listening to herself and her needs.

(her dorm is very pretty; genuinely like those pinterest ones, and ig thats one more way to make it easier for you to live there - fix it so that you are happy in it.)

i wish you the best and the happiest sweetheart. i hope some of these would help or at least inspire you. take care <3

[stray-tori]

link click s2e01+02 eng dub thoughts

waiting for my friends to wake up for new link click ep so i'm watching the dubbed episodes and ??? holy, the death flash segment has such a different vibe.

well not SO different but yknow... I do hope they didn't write themselves into a corner here...

Dub: "I'm sorry… everything is going to be different now. death isn't something even one of us can change. the best we can do is accept it, so please don't let this be another burden for you to carry." Sub: "It seems... everything is changing... If death cannot be avoided, then it might be better to face it now."

"don't let this become another burden" ???? ToT

Dub!LG was rly like "dude, speak faster- thERES SO MUCH MORE PAIN YOU CAN FIT IN HERE" dshjds-

Also I find the "even one of us can change" bit to be a little off-throwing. Maybe the emphasis is slightly wrong but I didn't process what he meant immediately upon first hearing it. Sounded more like "ONE of us" than "one of US" (i.e. ability).

alejandro's slight stutter when answering about the ability UGH GOLD

Little sad that the flow of red-eyes conversation isn't as good. usually the dub did great with convo flow, but here it seems a little jumpy. "if you dont know where to start, let's start with activation" -> "I can't quite figure it out" (then proceeds to explain how much they alr figured out adhsjds-)

Also the "i need to trust you again" depends heavily on the viewer knowing what red-eyes means there (i.e. the lie of no cops/the dark room plan).

ik that this is in the sub too, but the "but she sees right through you" is still a little weird to me and it's more obvious in dub i think. I thought that what this was going for was a sort of "you may be okay with fooling me, but fooling her (while i'm her) will end badly" kinda deal, but maybe I was wrong? In the dub it just directly sounds like they mean they were only able to tell the lie because they're in QL's body and get some of her memories and feelings (like CXS does, maybe?) - but they actively paid attention to his shaking hands and everything, so I kind of don't think they relied purely on QL.

nooo they keep making red-eyes slightly different. from them assuming the photos and then confirming it through the "does he run here or teleport" moment, instead they just try... to stab her?? i guess?? and then they go "ohh i get it now" which... isn't a huge difference but kind of takes away from their smart thinking.

Going from the reaction -> "oh so I was right! How interesting!" (sub) to -> "teleporting with pictures, talk about a convenient power!"

STOP!! REMOVING!! THEIR THOUGHT PROCESS >:(

"why would I wanna hurt lu guang? he's family to me!" dub out here confirming the marriage, good for them good for them why would they do this to me

"you said the girl is innocent" -> "from what we saw it wasn't the girl" WHAT ABOUT THE BLOOD ALL OVER HER MADE YOU CONCLUDE THAT

Changing the part where CXS calls the murderer "the person who calls themselves my friend" (paraphrased) was a good call, bc that... sure was A Move.

Damn, dub just implied CXS wanted to perma-dive via "Two years... that is more than enough time. i could go back and change everything.". afaik we still don't know if the 12h restriction is bc of lu guang's rules or actually a restriction, so that is... certainly A Move, too. In Sub I felt like it was just desperate and he might have tried even with the 12h windows, but here it rly does sound like he'd just dive for longer? Unless I'm reading the dialog wrong...

"Sorry to disappoint" LOL ICONIC, slight adjustment but based.

"what's with the stuffed animal? not for me, i guess?" LMAO HELP ME- "it's for my daughter, wise guy." PFFT

"and he's already a ghost. he doesn't even have social media. some might say he doesn't exist" o... okay? does dub know more than we do dshjds-

"Breathe, damn it!!" pfft Captain Xiao is trying-

"is he the streetfighter master siwen talked about?" DUB WHAT ARE YOU DOING- i'm p sure this is just about the style, not the person ahhh-

"our backup's gonna be here soon" - "how funny, mine just arrived" While not what I've seen people translate this line as, still a good flow for this moment.

Aight. Some stumbles imo, but maybe they know more than we do and it'll all work out!

[palisadewasp]

vriska rant bc im insane

this is copy-pasted from a server im in and a lot of the server members dont know about homestuck soooooooo

I know this has been said again and again, but I greatly dislike "Vriscourse". I think that boiling a character down to just "entirely good" or "entirely evil" is not a very wise way to approach media analysis. Who woulda thunk, characters are more nuanced than that!

I saw someone say that a lot of Vriscourse takes are pretty misogynistic, and I agree. Some people in the Homestuck fandom (or in fandom in general) tend to reduce female characters down to just one dominating character trait, whether they intend to or not. So you get two completely different and opposite fanon versions of the same character, when in reality the character is a blend of those two traits and many, many others! Also, I'm not sure how to word this next point, so I'm just gonna paraphrase a Tumblr post I saw once: "Fandom is always like, 'we need more evil women in fiction!' but you can't even handle morally grey women," and I feel like that applies here somewhat.

Also, not to mention that Vriska isn't even a woman! She's a 13-year-old girl. All of the other beta trolls are 13, as well. She is a kid who's growing up in a world that is actively hostile and where people have to fight tooth-and-nail to get by (Heck, the first thing trolls do when they hatch is have a fight to the death). She is a kid and she's hurting, she desperately wants to be tough, to contribute the most, to be the best she (or anyone) possibly can. However, a part of her also realizes that she may not be as tough as she thinks she should be. She was thrown into a life that is very unkind to everyone.

But, that being said, her friends are also in the same predicament as her. And Vriska treats her friends quite terribly. She projects her obsessive need to be tough on those she deems weaker than her. She paralyzed one of her friends, Tavros, when she put him in what was basically an extremely dangerous LARPing campaign because she wanted him to get more powerful. One of Tavros' main character traits is that he's very sensitive and weak, and Vriska is constantly berating him and making him feel bad about himself. She also calls him a cr***le quite frequently, as well.

There's also the manipulation tactics she uses (one of her powers is literally mind control), and the fact that she doesn't always seem fully aware of the consequences or just... general wrongness or her actions. She's hurt a lot of people, and there's no excusing that.

Basically, what I'm trying to get at is that the fact that Vriska's a kid who doesn't quite understand that her actions have consequences, mixed with the fact that she lives in a world that actively enourages violence, mixed with the fact that she has a lot of powers that can be dangerous when misused, causes her to do some really, really horrible things out of desperation and ego. She's a product of Alternia, yes, but she also treated people very unkindly (and that's a nice way of putting it). Those two things can and should coexist. What I'm saying probably doesn't cover most of the nuance, and Vriscourse isn't doing it any better, I'd say.

[redstrewn]

The 7 august 2023 redstrewn perception of Leander

Before you read:

Nothing in here is new. It's all things I've already rambled about and theories others have already shared. I'm just dumping all my thoughts in one place.

I'm crass so there's gonna be sexual jokes in there

Disclaimer 1: This perception is based on many theories by other people. I don't claim to be the original speculator for these ideas.

Disclaimer 2: Plz don't yell at me for my insane delusions of Leander. You dont have to agree and I don't expect you to.

Onto my perception of Leander.

In my opinion,

His hogging of MC is due to the following:

Primarily, their power.

He has plans for it I think. The hands could have connections to fogfall (Vere, paraphrased from memory: "You're like me: not quite human, not quite monster." Vere emerged from fogfall. The soulless that attacked MC seemed more interested/distracted by their hands).

Leander could be interested in fogfall serving him—increasing his ability with magic, which is a distortion of/messing with reality. He's got motifs of what's often considered the territory of god(s) that mortals aren't to meddle with, lest they suffer terrible consequences. (Heaven, underworld, life cycle/resurrection, immortality/eternity, crossing planes/boundaries, dislike of the unknown.)

Along with his apparent egotism from his uquiz result, his erased fatal flaw, repeated use of the word "hero," and "Mages lust for power. It's always their downfall," I think it's not unreasonable to assume he intends to meddle with exactly the things mortals are told not to mess with. He's described as a rebellious mage after all (I think. Going from memory here).

Leander is taken aback by MC's power, noting its contrast from other curses he's dealt with. Considering it can completely overtake another's mind and, in my opinion, also affected Leander before he got ahold of himself (his expression dropping and seeming to reach for MC's throat), it seems to be highly powerful and thus...something exactly a mage would lust for.

Secondarily, their vulnerability.

People have many differing opinions on Leander: whether he's a yandere, if he treats MC like special or if he's just like that to everyone, if he's actually an asshole or just naïve, etc. But there's one thing that's pretty much indisputable and canon: he's got a mad savior complex. He and his Hounds act as Lowtown's helpers and his attitude to Vere in his relationship chart spells this out clearly.

Enter MC. Completely hopelessly clueless on even the most basic customs of Eridia. Desperate and broke and with nobody to turn to. To top it all off, he can give them something no one else can: normal touch that they're starving for.

If that isn't the ultimate wet dream of a guy with a mad savior complex, I don't know what is. Pretty sure he would've cum on the spot after MC responded "yes" to his question, "Am I the first person you've touched like this?" if he didn't care about weirding out MC LMFAO.

Thirdly, his egotism

Truthfully, this is related to his savior complex—it derives from egotism.

He loves attention and dislikes being ignored canonically. To MC, he is special to a metaphorically and literally magical extent: because only he can continuously, over a possibly infinite future, offer them something they've never had in their entire life.

Won't an egotistical guy get excited over that?

MC is special to him because he knows he is special to MC. He knows his magic can't cure them. But he can offer a taste of it the way no one else can.

Fourthly...loneliness?

"Despite his popularity, he isn't close to anyone." Like the saying goes, being alone in a crowd (Bloodhounds in his case) is the loneliest feeling of all.

So why isn't he close to anyone?

It's on purpose

Eridia's currency is information. Baring oneself (metaphorically at least) to anyone poses more risk in this city than elsewhere. He's a leader. Leaders need followers. Followers need someone to believe in. For people to believe in someone, they must have good reputation. Baring his flaws poses risk to that.

Nobody want him lol

I think it would be funny if he's popular and has a good enough reputation that people respect and adore him...but know that they're better off not getting with him lol. Vere looked into his soul and fucking hates what he saw. I don't have enough evidence for this take. Just that it would be fucking hilarious.

Was he chasing after the other LIs because he's lonely?

He seems to be the type to chase anyone down (or at least anyone that may be able to offer him something) whether that's just to gather information talk over drinks/dinner or recruit them into his Bloodhounds.

So, okay, yeah maybe it's not just that he's lonely but he also gets to gather more information by picking people's brains. And also he gets to add onto his growing gang that does his bidding. And also he could convince and influence others to do things he wants (like he does with MC! "Noooo haha MC stick with me the rest can't help youuu").

He could be both lonely and networking like the business major that he is 🤷‍♀️

What's his fatal flaw?

"Mages lust for power. It's always their downfall."

🎵 Love's gonna get you killed. But pride's gonna be the death of you, and you and me 🎵 — "PRIDE." by Kendrick Lamar

God complex! Savior complex! Egotism! The deadliest of the seven deadly sins! The sin of Satan himself that caused him to be cast out of heaven! The cause of Icarus's great fall! The damnation of Faustus! Give it up for HUBRIS everybody!

It's all about arrogantly believing you can handle or know better about greater powers you're told no one should or can.

Gosh, how embarassing this would be if people knew your fatal flaw was considered the worst of all flaws...and about being the biggest failure too. If I was an egotistical guy worried about my reputation, I'd scratch out my fatal flaw too.

Does he care about MC at the time of demo?

He cares about them a lot! Because of their power, his savior complex, and his egotism! The loneliness probably helps. He's special to them so they're special to him!

So he likes them?

Sure! He loves how much their power can do for him and how much they feed his ego!

Wait what? Is he just using them?

😬🤭 Don't worry, he's lonely. He'll probably end up actually caring enough to honestly think about what's actually best for MC and not just his selfish intentions...eventually...at some point...maybe?

But he's jealous! He likes them then, yes?

I mean...I wouldn't want to lose a source of great power and ego boost to anyone else as an egotistical mage, personally. Especially not my rival that I'm actively trying to kill.

This perception of Leander is too dramatically horrible. He can't be as uncaring as you think.

I think he likes to think he cares! He probably likes thinking of himself a hero who does no wrong and only does what's best. Even if the means might be a little unconventional or reprehensible to some people.

But I also think he's highly fucking delusional about it all. Probably why people get deranged/insane vibes from him.

I think his head is so far up his own ass he can't fucking see he's clearly being more selfish than he might like to think. He's so convinced he knows better, runs away from his cushy home, runs away from enrolling into the elite institution to do his own thing and make his own group to run his own set of people. He says something like, "I'm just as good as the Senobium. Better, even."

That's some audacious shit! That sounds like a man who doesn't know his own shortcomings. And he is according to his uquiz and the fucken slashing of his fatal flaw. HUUUUUUUBRIIIIIIIIS. He's delusional about himself: his feelings, intentions, knowing what's best, whatever.

I want to fucking swing a bat against his thick skull, honestly. He'd make a great piñata.

End note

Honestly thought this post would be longer but I don't know what else to ponder about this rascal.

[cloudbrooksblog]

TRIGGER WARNINGS/content warnings: mentions of various commonly triggering things, descriptions of car-related triggers, many stupid "get over it" phrases that might be triggering if you're a victim of something, and also mentions of suicide, just read with caution ok?

yknow, I've been thinking about PTSD lately. Specifically people's reactions to me involuntarily displaying symptoms of it (dissociating, having flashbacks that make me cry, avoiding triggers, etc).

Most of this is from people who are related to my main abusers (my parents) but they don't react this way for no reason. They were raised in a culture that thinks this way.

The reactions are all similar: when I have an involuntary or instinctual response to triggers (like the ones I mentioned above), they say that I shouldn't let these things hurt me. Want a couple more specific examples, actually?

I avoid movies with car crashes and dissociate+sometimes have flashbacks when I hear tires or brakes screeching on the street. I start to shake if someone honks their horn near me, even in a parking lot. When I do this, INVOLUNTARILY (i cannot stress it enough), my brother will say that I let it bother me too much. Other assorted reactions I've gotten to this specific circumstance have been "you need to get over this one day", "you can't just avoid cars your whole life", and paraphrased, "you need to move on", "if this bothers you you'll never survive in real life", and "you're so dramatic".

That's just with car-related triggers for my PTSD. Don't get me started with sex jokes, cigarettes, talking about wanting to hurt children, etc. And DONT get me started about people's reactions to me wanting to cut off my family.

If I talk about any of that (when it naturally comes up, usually after questions about why I don't talk to certain people from members I'm about to cut off as soon as I don't have to depend on them,) the general reactions are that I'm like a ghost. Holding onto grudges that are just hurting me, that by holding onto them I'm hurting myself pointlessly, and that if i just *tried a little harder* I could live a much more peaceful and happy life. This is in reaction, let me remind you, to things like... me being uncomfortable around cigarettes. Me flinching when I hear sex jokes. Me leaving the room when people start talking about wanting to beat up kids and strangle them. I'm holding a grudge! I'll be encountering these things for the rest of my life!

That last one I get a lot, too. I'll be encountering these things for the rest of my life.

Let me tell you a secret. That's why I tried killing myself. That's why I've been to crisis facilities 6 different times. That's why I've made plans to move off-grid, to move to somewhere isolated, etc. But since I'm still right fucking here, obviously I'm not going to do any of that. So why point it out? Why point that out, as though it's not something you just WITNESSED my way of coping with?

Yes, I'll be encountering PTSD triggers the rest of my life. And every time I do, I will avoid them. That's why I don't buy into the whole "just try a little harder" angle. I'm not going to waste my time and my life trying to do that. This isn't a fear. This isn't a phobia. I don't sprint the opposite direction whenever a car honks and I'm walking on the sidewalk. I still have friends who smoke various things my abusers did. My PTSD still gets triggered by it, and I still get uncomfortable when they smoke. But you know what? They're my friends. They understand that and don't get annoyed at me for being uncomfortable. My friends who make sex jokes do it even though it makes me flinch because I've made it very clear: I'm going to react to them. It's not an insult. There's no need to feel bad. It's just nature.

When you tell me to get over it, it's NOT because you care. Convince yourself that it is, but listen closely: You're making it WORSE. And people with PTSD tell you that. And you ignore them, because you don't really care. Our PTSD just makes you uncomfortable and annoyed. It's inconvenient to think about and be around.

I'm not going to brute-force my way out of having triggers. It's just not happening. I'm going to have these involuntary responses. If you're my friend, you'll deal with it and understand the truth:

It's just nature :) deal with it. It's worse for me than it is for you, you selfish person.

[carpememes]

Rachel Maksy Starters #2

“Let me put it straight, friends. I am royally pooped.”

“The audacity of my brain to think that I’m going to be able to accomplish this.”

“I feel in my soul that it’s probably not the right activity for me.”

“I have, once again, no idea what I’m doing.”

“I got a fever. And the only prescription... is gigantic sleeves.”

“I’m paraphrasing but it was something like that.”

“I basically want to look how I feel on the inside. Which is... a pumpkin.”

“We love a versatile queen.”

“I like to think that each day is full of small accomplishments that you should reward yourself for.”

“Take that.... America.”

“It’s freakin spooky season!”

“Are you ready to kick off the festivities?”

“The dirtier, the messier, the grosser the better.”

“We all have the little voices in our heads and mine is constantly telling me the same thing.... DESTROY.”

“We’re going to make a beautiful garment. Then we’re gonna wreck it!”

“I think it will look really, really nice. Until we destroy it.”

“Are you ready... to run some errands??”

“If I’m gonna pay for overpriced anything it may as well be in the Halloween store where at least you get the atmosphere.”

“Are you ready for complete and utter chaos?”

“We’re figuring this out as we go along! Here goes nothin’!”

“Gonna be sore tomorrow, baby.”

“Her pun is just a teensy bit better than mine.”

“Let us head to Michael and browse his wares.”

“Those snacks that they put near the line always get me.”

“The older i get, the more characteristics of Smaug I get.”

“Man... That’s whimsical!”

“I didn’t know what to do so I just screamed.”

“I have a present. Well, you can’t keep it, so it’s not really a present.”

“Is this too much chunk? It might be a little too much chunk.”

“Let’s go get some baby denim!”

“LET’S MAKE SOME PAAAANTS.”

“If you pay for the extra feature, I’ll sing.”

“We love when I don’t have to do extra work.”

“That is..... wet.”

“We strive for knowledge here, of course.”

“I’m about to make a mess! Up in here, up in here!”

“Uh oh! We’re gonna get to choppin!”

“Weirdly it smells quite nice.”

“I don’t need the gym. I do crafts.”

“I definitely scared a couple children and I only kinda feel bad about it.”

“Mmmmm, nasty!”

“Who’s a nasty girl?...... Me.”

“Even the undead wanna look like a snack sometimes.”

“You can’t get more festive than this!”

“Oh my goodness... He’s so handsome... Wow.”

“I take no responsibility for any demons or ghosts spotted.”

“Bye bye demons! Till another day.”

“Sing it with me folks!”

“Basically I want to look like a little autumn forest fairy.”

“This is why we wear eye protection!”

“Very tedious and time consuming when you’re wearing a onesie.”

“Fetch the smelling salts!”

“Slenderman WHO?”

“Is it truly freedom if you’re not belting out to Celine Dion?”

“I like to call this shade... Bone Daddy.”

“Don’t call my butt a weird angle.”

“The worst part of going anywhere is actually having to take my PJ pants off.”

“Here’s [name] using a gut hook on me like I’m a prized bass.”

“A lot of people dont know this but Jane Austen wrote Pride and Predjudice almost entirely in a sports bra and leggings.”

“Are you ready to tar this bitch? Respectfully.”

“It’s also really good at hiding all of your mess-ups. Which is why I love it so much.”

“Are you ready for the best part of any project ever? Painting!”

“Who do you think would win in a fight? Thanos or Kool Aid guy?”

[captainaikus]

hi belle !!! i felt like i had to come in and clear things up since the lil discourse started in my ask box lol and now i feel bad :,( in no way do i feel like there was any sort of even the slightest inspiration taken from the asks on my acc ! we've even talked abt it a bit here on ur blog lol (and i still need to reply 2 u, too 😭) so i'd also be thankful if the discourse stopped altogether cuz i strongly believe coincidents happen and i do not even feel like the idea was mine in any way so !

i hope what i said makes sense :// even i myself dont see any issue with this situation and i am absolutely frothing at the mouth to read interrupted lol SO with that being said, i hope the whole discussion dies down <3 im so sorry it ruined ur mood, sending u the biggest hugs rn ! :(

Thanks for dropping in and clearing the air, Zari

And yes, it does make sense. There are so many times when i see people literally paraphrasing my work and making plot lines with a similar synopsis as mine; like the other day i was going to call this author out in the bllk fandom and i spoke to my friend about it with screenshots and everything. And after thinking about it realized that erotica and romance are not unique genres and that includes dark content as well so themes can overlap and at the end of the day- it is not literally published work.

I'm not a fan of discourse myself tbh. and i don't understand why most people don't take it with a sense of rationality?

I've been on tumblr for over 4 years now, yes I started here when i was 16 and began posting last year. When i was at 250 followers, i released a fic and the idea was stolen by an author who had over 10,000 follows+ than me (who i had interacted with) and it went at a very fast pace of gaining over 170 likes in two hours or maybe less. I know what it feels like to have your work taken away from you and used by someone else for the purpose of their content. Why would i wish that on anyone else? Most of my followers follow blogs apart from mine that have blue lock content. so if i did copy someone's idea, they would notify me about it; and even if i knew that you had an idea like this in your blog i would have never used it as we're both writers for the same fandom. It would literally give me nothing but backlash from readers and ruin a reputation i've spent time building here -causing me emotional instability which is the last thing i want for myself (since i have already got a lot going irl) given the fact that hate spreads more faster than being liked; speaking from experience since i have seen enough number of discourses take place here and also on how bad it can get.

And even late last year, i had a whole wip list out for different fandoms including haikyuu and other animes that i watched, explaining what the fic was about and everything. But even that got taken away from me (one of the anons dropped a word for word title in the inbox of a famous author/ writer here + it turned up in the 'x reader' tags) so i rarely discuss what fic i'm going to write next and just decide to keep it a secret and release it when its done.

Thanks again for dropping in Zari (hope you enjoy reading 0^^0 *sending hugs back*); and since the discourse has been settled by both of us, on further notice any ask regarding 'interrupted' will be deleted.

[genderfluidbf]

the beekeeper's apprentice: mary russell book one

synopsis (via goodreads): Long retired, Sherlock Holmes quietly pursues his study of honeybee behavior on the Sussex Downs. He never imagines he would encounter anyone whose intellect matched his own, much less an audacious teenage girl with a penchant for detection. Miss Mary Russell becomes Holmes's pupil and quickly hones her talent for deduction, disguises and danger. But when an elusive villain enters the picture, their partnership is put to a real test.

rating before reread: ★★★★★

rating after reread: ★★★★

general thoughts: i have changed as a person since i last read this! i am no longer the pretentious middle schooler so deeply enamoured by holmes and russell's deductive skills. instead, i think, i favor the growth of their relationship and trust in one another.

laurie r king's writing style for this series is honestly immaculate. she has successfully infiltrated the mind of mary russell. its a period piece told from the perspective of a young woman, and shes managed to capture that spirit through her descriptions.

i take off a star however, for repeated rereads. its never going to compare to the first time i read it. its hard to say anything abt the cleverness, for me, when i already know whats gonna happen.

spoilers under the cut!!

firstly i suppose i gotta talk abt the relationship between holmes and russell. gotta say, i love it? but in later books the foundation we've laid here takes a bit of a sinister tinge. for now tho, i love it.

they save each other!!!!! its directly talked abt in the book but to paraphrase, russell saves holmes from dying of boredom, and holmes saves russell from becoming a worse version of her aunt.

they provide each other companionship and a whetstone to hone their minds against. say what u will, but sherlock holmes needs someone to go up against, who can be an equal to him and put him in his place if need be.

laurie r king describes their playact of a falling out in this way: "Holmes and I had only a few days to perfect our rôles of the two friends now turned against each other, the father and daughter alienated, the near-lovers become bitterest, most implacable of enemies"

if i am to criticize one thing in this book, it is their weird relationship. she is 15 when they meet, and he is like, definitely in his 60s. as a middle schooler i was quick to justify and defend my hero, sherlock holmes, but now i find it hard to not feel a little uneasy. i will say tho, the way laurie r king writes their relationship helps to assuage my concerns. it doesnt feel predatory.

anyways, onto mrs. hudson and dr. watson. some say watson is portrayed poorly here. i think it can go either way. those who want all of their characters to be smart and capable in all ways see watson diminished into a bumbling fool. i think tho that watson is aptly characterized, if we're basing it off of the original stories. he is fiercely loyal, an excellent doctor, and, quite frankly, incapable of pulling off some of the more delicate schemes needed to be on the level of sherlock holmes. yes, he is written to be a bit of a fool, but not i would think in a malicious way. he has a big heart, and many other wonderful qualities. he is not, however, capable of disguising himself and losing a tail.

mrs. hudson is a girlboss.

the daughter of moriarty being the villain is perhaps a bit trite? but perhaps thats also why its clever. u dont expect it. moriarty is dead, this is not connected to the original stories, and in the original stories i dont believe theres a mention of his family.

its late, and im getting tired, and i am quite certain no one will read this, so i will end my nonsensical babbling here.

[kill0mtr]

you ever play a roblox game thats story is so good and so fruitful that you wanna make fanart but literally no one else Cares about it so.

the game was called "life purpose" and it went from a trolley problem to a guy burning down his entire village, so. 10/10 game i recommend it

tw for: heartbeat sounds, feeling of being watched, one (1) jumpscare, murder, blood, war, depression, psychological horror (?), religion (mostly buddhism and talk of rebirth and that stuff), it switches from third person to first person for the Spook sometimes (mostly in The Cave)

ahh god nevermind im just. im gonna talk about this under the cut Just. spoilers for the game if you wanna play. it took me around 30 - 45 minutes (i didnt really have a timer so it mightve been less/more idk) its Really good

^ the link. okay imma ramble about this game. play it for yourself if you wanna not get spoiled cuz imma about to do a play by play

--- IF I GET THE TIMELINE WRONG I APOLOGIZE!!! ---

okay okay so. it starts off with a trolley problem. this red ball thing (imma call him Red from now on) is here, telling you that "oH whAT a cLASSIc tRolLey prOblEM !! :)" and theres 4 people on one side, one on the other. you, the mc, cant really move anywhere, theres invisible walls. Red keeps going on and on about how this guy, the one guy, is such a loser, and nobody likes him. and oh, hes a serial killer, so he DESERVES to die, and oh, Red changed the body of the one guy into a more curvy body (im guessing male to female, congrats on the transition) and is all like "😳 i bET yOu doNT wANNa pULl tHE lEVer nOw" and then at the end, when Red is done explaining how this guys a loser and nobody likes them and theyre a serial killer yadda yadda yadda, he then goes "You have no choice. Pull the lever." and then you and the mc are forced to watch the guy plead for their life, as the train squashes them.

but good news! it was just a dream. :) he awakes in the afternoon in his cottage, on top of the hill. he looks down below at the village, monologuing about how hes alone and how the villagers probably hate him. the mc then says he wants to go to the cave. this is where it gets spooky.

he gets down to the cave. as you go forward, the perspective shifts to first person, and the movement slows. you get down to the bottom, to see a body hanging from a rock. the mc says "he got what he deserved". he exits the cave, now nighttime. the villagers are shooting fireworks. he sleeps, disgruntled.

Red is here again, and we are now in the barracks. a line up of soldiers and one of them is looking over the edge. Red then says like, "oH thIS gUy iS verY hOPEfuL" blah blah blah (sorry Red i dont really wanna paraphrase everything you say) and then the guy gets shot in the head and Red laughs about how he falls in a weird way. and then all the soldiers charge and you are forced to just... stay there. Red mocks you for that.

the mc wakes up. checks the cave. a woman has found the cave. he decides he need to kill her. he chases her, but the woman is too fast for him. he checks the house she ran into, and oops! both you and the mc get jumpscared by a cat. you cant find the woman anywhere. we then go home and sleep, anxiety building.

another dream. the mc is in a room, thats a jail. a guy is laying on the ground, kinda out of it. Red says he was framed, but he'll die because the "good" people thought he was a "bad" person. hes been in the cell for 9 years. "hE is aLIvE, buT heS bEeN dEAd a LONg tIMe" <- Red wtf does that mean. the cell then breaks, revealing three statues; a buddha, a cross, and the kabba (Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam). the screen fades to black after a couple of seconds.

a buncha stuff happens. The Spooks increase. i dont remember much for this section, it kinda just blurs together, sorry. but i do know that there were black roses that kept whispering threats, giant heads that smiled at you, and the moon was a giant face that was too scary to even describe. ughhh i hated that. i hated the moon face >:( but it fit! it fit the story!! oh and also the mc killed a monk in his dreams before that.

cut to the mc talking to his dad on a bench. they talk about life, its purpose, and then like, at the end of the convo the dad is like "what did you do after i passed away" and the mc lied and said he did good. then it cuts again, dad gone and the village burnt down, with everyone dead. Red is here, in the real world, and they talk about starting over. Red, despite loving chaos, agrees that the mc should be better. they agree to travel to a new village, where theyll be good this time. screen fades to black.

the end. :)

can you tell i loved this game. i didnt tell you NEARLY enough about this game, but if youre okay with psychological horror and a weird red energy ball calling you a loser, i think its Great!!! (also me he/him-ing Red is purely the vibes i got from Red, i dont think that thing has a gender)

[kindlyfunkn]

how the fuck does telling someone she should reheat the soup already on the stove instead of making a whole box of kraft dinner (which i find disgusting so i wouldnt even be able to eat it myself) warrant any sort of fucking attitude. istg it feels like my OLDER, ADULT sister is a goddamned five year old

and she turned the burner on medium high, with very little left in a bigger pot, went and sat down while i used the washroom because i ASSUMED shed be watching it, and acted surprised that it was boiling so fast already. how she didnt smell or hear the thing is beyond me. oh yeah and there was less there than i thought, only enough for one bowl, so since she initially said she wasnt in the mood for any i took it up for myself because that was also why i wanted the soup heated up. and i fucking.

"are you having any?"

"yeah i guess"

"oh theres less than i thought."

"i thought you said you couldnt eat it all?😒"

"yeah because i thought there was more here. and i didnt want to have to throw any out. doesnt matter i'll eat this now and you can make your stuff."

"no i dont want to."

"didnt you say you havent eaten today? make your stuff."

"changed my mind."

christ almighty. chiller convo and paraphrasing but shes like a child. i feel like a parent to a teenager not the younger brother to a 21yr old.

and of course theres a million dishes to be washed and she wont do them because for the past three days im the only one whose done any. and when i was doing them if she was home she would not help or offer to take over. and i cant tell her to please to the dishes because she'll get pissy over that because everything is sarcasm to her apparently. actually yknow what not even just her i try to use any sort of manners around my family and every one of them sans my twin sister takes it as me being angry i dont understand. i hate telling people to do something because i dont want to seem like im ordering people around but istg its bare minimum shit that ive been doing myself for a while and i ask ONCE for someone to do it instead and its another argument. i dont even say anything like "could you do this for once"! or anything passive aggressive! i just ask "hey could you make supper" "could you please wash the dishes" and its a fiasco.

god and she was literally just about to cut my hair too that shes been putting off since friday (and shes the one who said she needs to cut my hair, i never asked for shit). Guess whats not happening today!!

[homonculos]

sorry to longpost complain. aita at my workplace (i kno im not im j mad)

my boss is so fucking annoying.... i had an informal performance review with him yesterday and here's how it went:

boss: how do you think youre doing?

me: um ok i think? im still getting my feet under me but im enjoying it so far [been abt 2 months since i started]

boss: yea youre doing a great job. so uh what happened w the car break in? [company property was stolen in the process]

[i explain the story; expressly indicate that i want to make it right, including fulfilling a clause in the equipment policy that says the $ to buy new equipment can be taken out of my next paycheck. boss is incredulous; says that is likely not necessary. im relieved.]

boss: so it seems like youre having trouble with [z], so i sent you some ideas.

me: i saw that email, looks great. ill take a look at those in the coming weeks. also, here's a long list of ideas that i got from a different meeting this morning.

boss: oh, looks great. ok. any other questions for me?

me: um not really. i guess i'd ask, do you want me to focus more on X or Y? [the long list of ideas i brought to meeting are all X-related]

boss: uh well i guess both when you can. we haven't had much X lately since i started running this operation, so that's welcome. feel free to work on things i cover as well [his stuff is mostly Y].

me: ok, ill start looking into Y and X things as they come around. another question, is 3 projects/week still an ok productivity level for you?

boss: uh i dont know where you got that idea. 5/week is what we all aim for. that shouldnt be a problem for you since you did 3 projects/day at your last job.

me: oh ok, ill start doing more.

boss: yea i dont know where you got that idea. i help out where i can [meaning he writes a couple 6 sentence paragraphs/week and calls those complete projects] but everyone does 5/week. that shouldnt be a problem for you.

me: its not a problem! i just didnt know. ill start aiming for that.

EPILOGUE

i turned in a project later that afternoon. the project in question follows a very contentious, months-long event that has disrupted the community our org works with and resulted in two major leadership changes. no response from boss when i notify him.

at 7pm boss replies to me:

[paraphrasing] "i appreciate you researching this and handing in a complete project, but it could have just been a 6 sentence paragraph." [end paraphrase]"

8:45 am this morning, unprompted: (direct quote, excluding brackets for privacy)

"not sure where you heard 3 [projects] a week. Even [colleague 1] does that many and he edits 2 days a week. He sometimes does 5. [colleague 2] and [colleague 3] both do 5-10 [projects] a week. Anyway, since you did 3 [projects] a day at your last job I don't think that should be a problem for you. It's really easy to do a project in 8 hours. In fact most [projects] we do should take half that time. Even long and complicated [projects] shouldn't take longer than 2-3 days."

is it just me or was this not a problem until I BROUGHT IT UP.... like u have every right to be mad at me if i wasnt doing something u wanted me to do. but you have to TELL ME TO DO IT FIRST!!!!

also we already talked about this in person??? why are you repeating yourself and chastising me???

fucking boomers man. this guy retires at the end of the year fortunately but its really annoying to deal with him. it's been problems ever since the beginning too.

and as an addendum, i have a friend who is fighting for their dreams to get into grad school right now, and im so proud and so so so jealous. and they love their job right now too! its renewing their interest in our shared field! im so happy for them but im so bitter that i made a life-changing choice a year ago and its turning out like this. i should journal! i need to journal ack