#but i still feel sort of guilty like i probably missed some or a bunch of artists that i like so ah

[softie00]

SAFE

pairing; lee know x reader

warnings; fluff, cute bf minho, teasing, jokes, reader feeling tired and drained, use of jagi, going in nature, flowers, words of affirmations, kissing, very cute minho!!

word count; 1-2k

summary; you haven't been feeling the best these days, feeling drained as each day comes. but your cute boyfriend minho has something planned for you, hoping it'll help bring some ease.

a/n: something for myself and i hope for those who also have been feeling this way❣

Drained. You've been feeling this way for quite some time, not knowing why. The busy days at work, interacting with a bunch of people, making reports and handling all sorts of deadlines at once just makes you want to internally scream.

When was the last time you've had no interruptions? You probably don't even remember.

But you do know that once you reach to the comfort of your home, it stops. Seeing your beautiful boyfriend minho just brings you so much inner peace. It may even sound weird but whenever you struggle to sleep in the night time, you shift your focus fully on Minho's sleeping face.

How peaceful and adorable can one look just sleeping away? You've always thought angels only existed in heaven but how lucky are you to have one besides you.

Yes, only an angel could look this beautiful.

He isn't even aware how you thank those from above for delivering his sweet ass to you. A person who brings ease by just watching his face, being in his presence feels like a big warm hug, removing all kinds of negativity away.

You plant a kiss above his head, just before you fall asleep.

The routine begins once again. Getting up in the mornings are always the worst. Minho leaves earlier than you since his schedule is a lot different to yours. Though some days like today, you had wished to feel his lingering warmth right beside you for extra few minutes.

You gain the strength to finally get up and do your routinely quick shower, which has also felt like a chore. Once your done and you've put on your fresh clothes, you make your way down to the kitchen to have a quick little breakfast before you leave for work.

Just as you make your way to grab the milk from the fridge, a sticker note is placed above. You brows furrowed ahead before you read.

Wanna know a fun fact?

Octopuses have three hearts

And they still couldn't love you as much as I do ;)

If only Minho was here to see how hard you was smiling right now. Til this day, you're not used to him professing his love in various ways, almost immediately making you flustered. It's almost in sync when he does these things, particularly on the days you feel drained.

You love his silly little jokes and sometimes you question how he even comes across certain things but hey, it made you smile.

Like always.

You really needed to hear this today. Words of affirmations are so important to you and your boyfriend almost never fails to deliver. He really knows the key to your heart.

Oh Lee Minho, I fucking love you

Surprisingly your day wasn't as bad. It helps even more to know you have the weekend coming up, finally some break. But really thanks to your boyfriend's sweet words that instantly changed your mood for the day. Feeling a lot more loose.

You arrived at home as usual but was surprised to see Minho present. During the time at work, Minho cleaned up the place and made it look a lot more presentable. You appreciate his kind gesture as you were just about to approach him.

"Hey jagi, you're back."

Minho embraced you with his both arms, a warm feel arises as inhaled in this comfort. His fresh soft scented body wash still lingering over him, a scent that brings you to comfort.

"I missed you," You respond back. ever since the morning and even the past few days, you've missed having Minho around you for longer. But due to his work, he's been waking up a lot more earlier often leaving you alone.

"I missed you too, jagi." Minho replies, his hands squeezing you tighter. A part of him feels guilty that he hasn't been around much but he will change that very soon.

The hug felt like it just got rid of all your worries and distress of all them days you've had. If there is one place someone had asked you where you'd stay, the answer would be in Minho's arms.

Minho pulls aways first, causing you to frown but immediately plants a kiss to your head.

"Go get ready, we're going out today." Immediately you eyes open, surprised at his words.

"Where are we going?" You asked, part of you actually feels like a kid as the excitement grows. Minho watches your eyes for your reaction, just as he expected. They lit up almost in quickness, something he had missed seeing before.

"Somewhere, now go" He quickly brushes off. Only to make you get even curious.

"But-"

"Go. Now" He demanded.

"But where-"

"Jagiiii don't be stubborn please, just get ready. Pleaseeee" He begs sweetly, gently pushing you towards the door because he knows your ass won't stop questioning, which makes you giggle hearing how cute he sounds already.

"Okaaaay fine!" As you laughed to yourself getting inside the room.

You've been questioning Minho for the past 30 minutes and yet he still isn't giving up to tell you where you're both going. You look outside the car before opening up the window all the way down, letting the cool breeze hit your face.

How long has it been since you've just closed your eyes and felt some fresh breeze?

You almost forgot how calming it makes one feel. You breathe in and out, all thoughts of the days slowly becoming smaller and smaller until they are left to cease in your mind.

The feeling of nothing. No sadness, no anger, no frustrations, no worries, no stress, no nothing.

Just you being present, having the love of the life right beside you and some really cool breeze hitting your face.

This is what you've missed having.

You don't even realise that you've finally reached your destination, having your eyes still closed until Minho calls out.

"Jagi," He admires how peaceful you already look, his hand moves through the hair on your face, "We've arrived."

The sensation of his hands wake you up, not realising you almost fell asleep. You slowly opened your eyes and watched ahead. You have no idea what this place even is and before you even ask more, Minho already opens your door with his hand reaching for yours.

You don't remember when was the last time you've even visited nature. Nature was always a place you'd end up in whenever you needed a breather. Though these past few days, you couldn't even get yourself anywhere.

Normally you'd raise a comment on how much longer you'd need to walk. In places like these, it feels never ending.

You allow yourself to just feel. Let the wind fall through your skin, your hair as it flies away softly, let the birds sing to you and let the trees embrace you. Hand in hand with Minho, who seems rather ecstatic at the beautiful trees ahead as you both walk.

It feels peaceful.

As you both keep walking, there's fields of beautiful flowers that have blossomed, filling their love all throughout the way. Pink. It's such a pretty colour isn't it?

And before you could even say that, Minho beats you to it.

"Wow, I've never seen this many pretty flowers in my life." He says in amaze and you agreed, "Me too, they're beautiful."

Minho immediately engulfs you in a hug, like he's trying to protect you from something. "Jagi I think we need to hide you away from them," Which made you feel a bit confused to why.

They're only flowers. So harmless you thought.

"But why babe?" You questioned.

"Right well, you see how pretty they are right?" He explains as he goes on, "And how much space they've taken up?" Which you nod to trying to understand what he's coming at. "I fear them being within your presence they may end up taking away my beautiful flower, too."

Your heart melted. Stop. No. How much more cuteness can you take from this man?

"Minhoooo," you whined out, smiling like crazy, "Why are you cute and also are you actually jealous of a bunch of flowers-" you almost laughed.

"How could I not be! They also recognise beauty to, don't they?" He pouts cutely, and your heart is fluttering so much right this moment. You can't believe you've found someone who's this adorable.

"Exactly, so in that case," You grab on to his hand and move away from the flowers. "I'd have to protect my flower too." In which Minho immediately blushed with a cute smile creeping in. God, he is so cute when he gets shy too.

You both venture off until you finally stop to the end. The hills. You didn't realise you both had climbed all the way up here, which to be honest was worth it. You walk hand in hand, mouth dropping at the amazement of how beautiful this hill is.

It feels like your on top of the world right now. Seeing everything from above and below. The gorgeous fields that are formed within this place, the different type of flowers, the greenery. The people, the lights as you watch the city running in fast speed. Perhaps, you may have been on speed to. Not having a chance to actually slow down and just breathe.

Reminding you of the times you would often walk off to nature. Something you've actually missed doing. It brought you so much peace and only today you've realised how badly you needed to see this.

You don't realise when Minho has actually sat down, leaving you to fully embrace this lovely view on your own. He knows how badly you needed this and to be alone for some time.

Which you appreciate so much. You notice he isn't beside you and you make your way towards him, sitting down on the benches present.

You both listen and immerse yourself in the silence. Well not so much until the birds begin to hum, sending a lovely melodic sound to your ears. You don't know how long its been to just stay still. Quiet. No sounds of people nagging you, no one expecting you to do anything, just you two alone, in this world.

Allowing yourself to feel the earth for once.

"I'm proud of you."

Is all you heard as you break out of a trance. You look next to you as Minho watches you with intently with a soft look, his hands brushing above yours.

"I'm proud of you for existing today." The words seemingly hit your heart and before you could speak, he stops you. "I'm proud of you for waking up each day despite being tired of life. For taking a shower, for eating your food even on the days you don't feel too. For going in to a hell called work. For dealing with a bunch of humans that drain your energy and on top of the workload. For faking your smiles in order to show you're fine when really your crumbling inside. For gaining the strength to perform for people and society when all you want to do is hide. He utters, causing you to breathe slowly as you take in all of his words.

You smiled, with teary eyes, "Thank you so much Minho." You feel loss at words. No one in your life has ever seen you this closely to notice such things about yourself. No one. Not even your past lovers did.

But Minho? Oh, he's special.

Now you realise how Minho started doing more things at home, not allowing you to do anything. This goes to making food for the two of you, to cleaning up the place and washing up. Even those times where he would sneak into your showers, which you had thought was for other reasons. But no, you was wrong. Because each time he came in, he smothered your scalp with shampoo with his gentle finger tips, slowly massaging away the worries of the days. He picked up the soap and let his hands work through your body, all whilst he gave you kisses. It felt so comforting and you couldn't even think of anything else. It made it easier for you not to feel exhausted when you have him beside you.

And you never even thought of that, until today. Now.

Minho has always noticed. And he's always shown that through his actions.

Immediately you wrap your arms around him as you continue to sob, "I'm sorry I didn't even realise those things-" which he shuts you off right away.

"Listen jagi, you shouldn't need to apologise at all. It's my job and responsibility to care for you. I don't do these things out of pity, no. I do it because I love you, so much that I just want to make life easier for you." He breathes, "We can't control how we feel but what I can do is make things feel easier even if its little. And honestly this is so effortless for me because I love you. I want to care and do things for you." He emphasises.

You cry even more, letting your tears flow below him at his words. To be loved this way was always what you dreamed. You had thought these things only exist in movies, which only was proven wrong when you first came across Minho.

Minho removes your arms and faces you directly, brushing off the tears with his fingers gently, "Shush. It's okay. You're safe now. With me." He smiles, planting a kiss right above your lip.

You chuckled and leaned into the small kiss, placing your mouth on to his. His lips felt ever so soft.

You both leaned back to the bench, cuddled up just before Minho asks you something. "Jagi?"

"Hm?"

"I know you always love admiring my face, even right now haha. But am I that handsome that you watch me sleep too?" He teased watching how completely flushed out you looked when the shock runs through your body.

"Minho what the fuck-"

He did not just say that. Wait, how does he know you watch him?

"No no jagi it's completely fine. I'm just so handsome to look at, so I can't blame you," He smirked making you feel even more flustered. Great, cats out the bag now.

"This is so embarrassing" You screamed, trying to hide yourself away from him. How weird does that sound that someone watches you sleep? But you don't do it weirdly, it's just become an habit over the past few days. It just instantly makes you feel better and yeah.

You huffed as you got up trying to escape until Minho grabs on to your waist and pulls you down to his lap, "Why are you running away?" He looks further into your eyes. Even though you've been together for time, his eyes still feel so intense, reading through every thought in your mind.

"Hmm? Shy now?" He continued to tease you further, only for you to hit your palm against his chest. "You're unbelievable." You sighed out as you chuckled. "You know what, they shouldn't have dropped you down yet." You thought back to your whole theory on Minho, your boyfriend being a whole angel from heaven who accidentally fell.

Minho only looks at you confusingly before he laughs, planting another kiss on your cheek, "Who?"

You giggled to yourself, "Nothing." And kissed him on his cute nose, watching his puzzled adorable face.

"But jagiyaaaaaaaa."

copyright ©2023 softie00

[unamused-boss]

California Dreaming pt3

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Last part! Warning: Kinda short, but I still hope you love it!

Summary: Max and Billy could only agree on one thing in common.... and that was you. You were their neighbor when the lived in California and Billy had the biggest crush on you. Plus it helped that you babysat, more like hangout with, Max. You were his California dream. And sometimes dreams come true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You couldn't stand the time you had away from Billy. Your best friend and boyfriend were gone all in one on the same day. You've been writing to Billy which is a plus. Turns out he joined the basketball team. He's been to every party thrown in town, but he says they're all a bust. Met a guy named Munson that gets him weed, but Billy quotes "It's nothing like the shit in Cali...". You can't help but laugh at his sarcastic tones through the letters.

You know he misses it here. He tells you in every letter the love that he holds for you, that nothing will change. He admitted to going on some dates with girl to get you off his mind. He felt guilty, he wanted your forgiveness even though you told him to try an move on to at least have fun. Billy said ,once again, in his letter that he wants no one else but you. Your eyes were something he missed most of all. He said that you had a light in them that he felt only he saw. You always giggled when it came to the gushy stuff in his letters. Billy was a flirt with girls but he was a romantic with you.

Since graduating high school early you've had a lot of time on your hands. You were still gonna walk at graduation, you just weren't going to do anything else. Cause by god you are getting that dumb piece of paper in front of everyone. It was a couple of days before the week up spring break but for you it was a regular working Wednesday. You currently work at some clothing store in the mall and oh so excitedly deal with mother's trying to get some sort of deal out of you.

The time was 5:00pm you are now pulling into your driveway of your house for the night. Happy that your got off early you notice your parents aren't home yet. You make your way down to the mailbox to check for anything. Which you find a bunch of letters piled onto one another. You begin to sift through it.

"Bill, Bill, Coupon, post card from Aunt Shelly, Bill...y." You stop at, what you thought was another bill but was actually, a letter from Billy. You rush up to your front door to be able to read the letter. Throwing everything onto the kitchen table an make your way to your room. You bounce on your bed at tear open the letter...

Hello Y/N, I hope you are happy with what you're doing. I just read your letter. God I wish I could graduate early to get this shit hole. Anyways, Max is doing good. She still with those little balls of snot for friends. Hopefully you wrote her, so she can stop asking me to check the mail for your letters. I miss you very much. Spring break is about to start, since the public pool opened I got a job there. Hopefully I can get enough money to be able to come an see you and to stay with you. You probably already know me, I'm not really good at this writing shit. But if it's for you, I'll do it. I love you, -Billy

You smiled down at the words on the paper.

"I love you too." You said down to the paper. That feeling came back again. The feeling of wanting to see him. You can't help it, you miss him so much. You go over to your landline in the kitchen to lunch in a number you have memorized by heart now.

"Santa Monica airport, what can I help you with today?" The droned out employee said.

"Hey, I wanna know if you have any direct flights to Hawkins Indiana?"

"Hold on, let me check..." You hear a faint typing for a few seconds.

"Anything?" You question.

"None to Hawkins but we have one to Indianapolis flying out this Friday at 5:00am." They said.

"Perfect!" You shouted. "How much?"

"That will be a hundred an thirty dollars..."

"I've got that!" You race around to your purse to fish out your debit card to pay for the ticket. You give them the info to send the ticket via email for you to print out. It would be thirty more dollar but you didn't care.

"Alright, thank you choosing Santa Monica airlines tod-." You didn't even let them finish. You hung up the phone right away to go pack an call off work for the next week or so. You couldn't stop giggling the whole time. Seeing Billy and Max is going to be the best thing to happen to you in the past few months. Then you hear your front door open and shut. Then you realized something...

"Hey mom, I gotta tell you something!" You shouted running out of your room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were honestly shitting your pants the whole way to Hawkins from Santa Monica. You currently stand outside of Hawkins High School waiting for Billy. You slept during your flight over at 5 am but once you were on the ground you couldn't hold still. Your stuff is at the motel just outside of town for the next week.

You passionately waited for Billy to walk out of the school. You could see his car from a mile away. Plus with is reputation it wasn't hard to find out about him. You turned your wrist to look at your watch, 3:15 it read. the bell rang and school was out for spring break. Students passed by you, giving you weird looks.

"Who is that?" "Does Billy know them?" "Probably a desperate Ex." Were some of the things that were thrown around you. As if you couldn't hear the. 'Geez do these people know how to shut up...'

"Billy. Who's that?" An oddly pitchy voice said breaking you out of your thoughts.

Billy ripped his head around to you. You being the last person he would see by his car. The girl he, once had his arm around, was with was now forgotten. Billy thought he was gonna vomit at the sight of you.

"Shit.." You mutter.

"Holy fuck..." He said.

"Billy who is this?" The girl said once again getting annoyed. Billy turned back to her.

"Why are you still here?" He questioned. The girl now looked perplexed. She thought Billy was gonna take her out but now he wants nothing to do with her. Before she could say anything Billy spoke, "Go the hell away. Ya stupid cow..." He muttered the last part.

Billy walked up to you, star struck. He now had you trapped between him and the car with his hands on your hips. Holding you gently. You were smiling up at him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I wanted to see you." you said. "Is that so bad?" You teased him. When you both could call one another you would constantly tease him over the phone.

"No!" He answered quickly. "It's actually great, cause I was loosing my damn mind being away from you." You giggled at him. He his lips down to your temple, kissing you gently. To the students around you it was shocking to see Billy Hargrove be gentle with anybody. But to you this was your Billy.

"Y/N!!" A familiar voice shouted out to you. You turned to her direction to see Max running full speed to you. You part from Billy momentarily to hug Max.

"Hey MadMax!" You exclaimed. Even though Billy thought Max was a pain in the ass most of the time; he loved seeing you two together. He was happy that she got to see you.

"How long are you here for?" She questioned.

"I'm here for all of spring break." You smiled. They both looked at you dumb founded. You were gonna be with them for a week.

"Yes!" Billy said excitedly, pulling you into a hug. You laughed as he squeezed you.

"How about we go on a date tonight?" You asked him.

"Hell yeah!" He shouted. Crashing his lips onto yours. Desperation and love pouring into the moment. He missed your lips. How soft they were and smooth. He missed you so much.

"ew..." It was faint but you both knew it was from Max.

"Get in the car shit bird." Billy said.

"Hey be nice." You sternly said, mighty sapping his arm. He huffed at you, looking at you with soft eyes. The eye you fell in love with.

"Let's take Max home and we can go on our , much needed, date."

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Billy smiled.And that's how it went for the next week. You spent your time with Billy and Max, well more so Billy. Billy held you so close not wanting to let you go when you both cuddled. You met Max's friends and some more people around Hawkins with your small time there. You had some sleepovers with Max, trying to make up for lost time. Neil wouldn't do anything while you where here in town, so that meant a safe environment for Max and Billy even though it was for a week. You found the town cute, but you prefer Santa Monica.

Most of all, you and Billy got time alone. To be with each other in each others arms. Going on cute dates, walks, drives, everything. You became the envy of the town. The one that swooped Billy Hargrove off hid feet the spring break of 85'. He wouldn't have it any other way though. He would stay in this shithole town if it meant being with you.

When it came time for you to go home, it was full of tears and heart felt kisses. You didn't want to leave them again but you had to.

"Once I graduate I'll be back, I promise." You said.

When it came time for you to go home, it was full of tears and heart felt kisses. You didn't want to leave them again but you had to. 

"Once I graduate I'll be back, I promise." You said.

That promise was made two months ago. In those two months you also visited Billy three more times over the summer. In your last visit you brought him back home with you. To California. You got him far away from his pain. 

You both have an apartment near the beach, like you both wanted. You stared college; while Billy started work at a car restoration shop. Billy could surf everyday while you laid in the sun. You both loved each other even more with every day that passed.

A California dream come true.

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I know its a cheesy ending but I hope you like it.

@capitanostella

@maackiimoo

@mystargirl-interlude

[concorp]

hello! I’m new to watching aypierre POV, and want to get into his lore and know more about his character. I’ve already watch a lot of his vods (he’s very funny) but I feel like I might’ve missed a bunch of details since I was relying on the translator xd. I feel like you might know a bit more then me, so can you tell me a summary of q!aypierre’s character? If not then that’s fine too! Thank you!

-anon!

hi! yes. there’s a lot of various little things, but here’s some of the major stuff:

a major plotline of his has to do with ayrobot. for backstory on ayrobot, i highly recommend this video by ash.

but as for what’s happened on the qsmp itself. pierre had strange dreams for awhile, and eventually found out that it’s flashbacks of the federation, and cucurucho specifically, experimenting on him. he finds out from fred that cucurucho has “a special place in their heart for him”

he makes a supercomputer and a program to get information about his past from the federation. this happens just in time for when the federation erases his memories of his dreams in order to keep him from looking deeper. the computer restores his memories, as well as is slowly finding logs of the federation spying on aypierre as far back as 2015.

in addition to this, we as the audience see a memory that it seems pierre is still unaware of: he and ayrobot underwent some sort of mind transfer. it is still unclear exactly what this entailed, other than they exist in the same body now. how separate they are is also very unclear, other than ayrobot briefly taking full control during purgatory.

the other big thing is aypierre’s relationships, namely his love life.

at the start, he pretty much just wanted to get anyone into his bed, all the time. but things changed with maximus. he truly fell in love with maximus, and eventually asked for an exclusive relationship. to which maxo agreed, but in part due to using aypierre to get materials for his nuke.

there’s a bunch of stuff that happens here, but a lot of it is maxo lore that aypierre was unaware of, so i won’t go over it here.

a few months into their relationship, a whole month of which maxo is entirely absent for, maxo breaks up with pierre, feeling guilty for leading him on when he’s convinced he doesn’t have a future.

pierre is devastated, and through spying on maxo finds out about both his code infection and the work in progress nuke. pierre helps him get the last materials he needs regardless.

to which at the end of purgatory, of course maxo used it and died. pierre doesn’t know this and is still looking for him.

as for other relationships. he’s of course good friends with the other (active) french speakers, and while probably not the most responsible, a decent dad to pomme. he also seems to have a soft spot for pepito, being the first one to meet pepito and taking care of pepito on pepito’s first day.

but absolutely the islander he’s currently closest to at the moment is bad. he was the only player to defend bad when he was accused of stealing furniture. the two are absolute enablers of each other and escalating pranks. especially against tubbo.

overall. pierre is known for his create machines, and ability to abuse mechanics. he has a massive factory producing all sorts of stuff under his chateau.

also. there’s the furry club. which he started with maxo. it’s technically cover for a cult worshiping lobo nocto. but also it’s just a furry club. his fursona is a unicorn named mcfurry. he’s currently working on a furry fight club under the main club.

[waffleweirdo]

Finished Path of Radiance!

In total it took me about 40 hours and about 4 months (oops)

Long story short I really liked this game both in story and gameplay!

Now for some more rambling thoughts:

*will include spoilers*

Gameplay:

The best way that I can describe what I enjoyed about the gameplay is a good balance of information. I think there are a few other facts that could play into this (this is the fe game I went into the most blind, and difficulty). But in general I felt like there was a good balance of systems and ‘calculations’ to manage in battle. My wording here might be nonsense, but essentially there aren’t as many active effects like engage or fates that make everything overwhelming. While there aren’t as many automated tools like the later entries (I.e aggro indicators in three houses) have so I was more so forced to check possible outcomes manually. Now this probably isn’t ideal if you really want to play strategically, but I don’t! I typically play these games mostly around feel, and this method of play helped me develop a kind of sense of what would likely happen and a greater familiarity with my own and enemy units and I thought that felt cool!

Another possible contributor to this was the difficulty. It started off a bit difficult while the units were all still weak, then got pretty easy in the mid game (except daybreak!!), before getting fairly tough again around the last 6 or so chapters. Which is a curve I generally like! There were moments I would’ve liked it a little bit harder, but it was overall very satisfying! (For context I didn’t use any bonus exp until after chapter 18, and only used the majority of it around chapter 27).

Some other minor gameplay things. I thought the mechanics surrounding laguz were cool too manage! Plus they tied in really cool thematically and I felt awful attacking helpless laguz (the fact that the game made me feel awful is a good thing!). This game was the fe game that I knew the least about going in, and I managed to only ever use a guide for one chapter which I enjoyed, but I do think it means I probably missed a few recruitable characters. I’m pretty confident I missed at least three, though it might’ve been more oops… I really liked the use of bonus exp it was a cool way to still level up units that don’t necessarily earn a bunch naturally, or buff underperforming units, and as a sort of difficulty regulator. Gameplay wise my favorite unit was far and away Astrid. She snowballed so quickly! I was shocked when Titania had beaten her for most victories. I though item management was a bit tight sometimes, but not really in a good way. The fact that the shop had different stock every chapter was a bit frustrating, especially when it would remove basic iron weapons so units with only an e rank couldn’t train at all. But overall it wasn’t too big of a deal. I also didn’t realize how op forging was until the mid to late game, but that’s on me.

Characters:

Ike was BY FAR my favorite fe protagonist. His consistent attitude and personality made him a lot more interesting. Although he didn’t have the most complex character journey ever, he was still enjoyable, and always felt like an engaging character, rather than being one note. He consistently works well with the rest of the cast, and the way that he serves as an optimistic force, yet isn’t without flaws is really nice. I think he’s just a great character! I also really like that he didn’t turn out to secretly be a noble. I think this is the first fe game I’ve played with a protagonist who is not a noble, or secretly revealed to be a noble!

I feel very guilty that I never got around to using Soren much and thus didn’t get many of his supports because he was really interesting and I would’ve liked to see how he grew past his outward facade. But even so the story did a good job of depicting his growth, even if it was somewhat subtle. I also guessed that he was the spy for Daein, but nope!

Elincia was great too. She never stood out to much, but throughout the whole game she was engaging, and it was nice to see her growth. Again I didn’t get to do too many of her supports which was a bummer.

I guess this is as good a place as any to talk about supports. The way the PoR levels them up based on deployments? Very cool! Really excellent idea. The support conversations I read? I really liked them! Why. WHY is there a limit on supports? And even more so why was it so strict? Essentially what this meant was I was constantly juggling which characters I cared about the most, and if I ever found another character whose supports would be interesting? Well let’s hope I have a bunch of supports left, or I have to change my mind, or hold supports for possible future characters. It’s awful, and locked me out of probably 3/4 of the supports I was interested in. It sounds minor, but honestly really did affect my play through a lot. I care about supports and having them so limited sucks!

Jill ended up being one of my favorite characters. I was interested when she first joined us. I think my first thought was, “what is she up to?” But her story of learning the truth behind Daein’s propaganda and choosing to oppose them was really touching, and equally tragic. The dialogue where Mist offhandedly mentioned that she and Jill were about the same age… augh!! Plus Jill’s supports with Lethe were great, another reason why supports shouldn’t have bee-

I think the other character I want to highlight is Nasir. He’s one of my favorite characters for sure, and his story is really intriguing. Even learning his relationship with Ena and his ultimate motivations it still feels like there’s so much we never got to learn. Especially never having truly gotten to reconcile with Ike… it’s just really interesting. He traveled with us for so long, and always felt like a mystery, and even finally understanding him came too late… it’s just really neat.

Story:

The story of this game was interesting, the main plot thread was helping Elincia retake Crimea, which was a fairly standard though well done story. Archetypal in a sense. But largely what I cared about was the story in regards to the laguz and beorc. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just interesting to note. In that sense some moments of the plot felt largely unremarkable to me, while some moments where the two converged felt really interesting. The discovery of the truth behind the Serenes massacre and Ena’s reunion with Rajaion stand out to me. In the sense it’s sort of hard for me to reconcile my thoughts on the story. I didn’t really care much when Ashnard was killed, but the moment I understood who Rajaion was I wanted to cry. I think largely PoR’s story is a success, as there were more moments that I was interested than moments were I was disengaged, and I do generally think of the story fondly.

Having the full vision of how the conflict between laguz and beorc was depicted I think there are probably some things to critique, especially in some moments where it doesn’t feel as far reaching as it largely should. As in sometimes it feels like that racism is far too easily ‘solved’. But ultimately I think it fits PoR. PoR isn’t trying to be a story that is incredibly focused on fictional race relations. But it doesn’t shy away from including and exploring them, and out of the fire emblem games I’ve played it does by faaaaaaaarrrrr the best job. Plus it does have many really good moments that I think are genuine standouts.

As an aside, I’d also like to say that the info system is really good at adding in additional plot relevant reactions by characters, and showing the effects of your actions on civilians and the world around in such an excellent way. I can’t exactly pinpoint why, but some of my favorite moments just come from the one off interactions in it with characters you know you’ll never meet again. It’s cool!

I guess my thoughts of PoR’s story and themes come down to the fact that they are far from perfect, but ultimately succeed where it matters.

Sequel?:

I wasn’t really sure what to call this section, oops. This is the first time I’m playing Fire Emblem game that has a clear sequel! Which I know even less about going in than PoR.

Knowledge going into PoR: It has the Black Knight and Ike

Knowledge going into Radiant Dawn: It has Micaiah

So these are a collection of things I’m still wondering about which might possibly come up in the sequel? Though even if they don’t I’m satisfied with the conclusion of PoR’s story, and leaving loose ends isn’t a bad thing.

Ahem. What’s going on with Goldoa’s royalty? What’s going on with Sephiran? The apostle is a descendant of one of the warriors that fought the dark god? Is the Black Knight really dead? And most importantly Chekhov’s amulet that contains a literal dark god???!??!?!? Anyways I’m sure that will end just fine.

One of the moments that I’m most interested in was Ike’s final fight with the Black Knight. I took one look at the battle forecast and saw that Ike would immediately die, remembered Ike and Titania’s promise and booked it. Though I really wonder what might have happened if I did something different. Though honestly I’m okay just wondering.

Aaaaand yeah. That’s everything I can think to say at the moment. I liked this game a lot! I’m not quite sure how I’d rank it among the fe games that I’ve played. But I’m very excited to play Radiant Dawn and see what that has in store.

[an-asuryampasya]

[imitates unholy shrieks for exactly 3.4 seconds]

(this is me rambling into the void)

aaaaaah I hate pre-college blues so much. I'm used to feeling them whenever I had to leave home for insti back during my undergrad - and that was when I had to go back to a campus I already loved.

This time there's spicy new flavours to these blues - it's a new city, my accommodation situation isn't sorted yet, I'm desperately hoping I haven't made a mistake in putting fight to switch to this field, and the campus is fucking tiny. Mostly though, it's the city that's getting to me. I'm not the biggest fan of big cities because of the weird way they make me feel. And this city in particular is so cold and the nights are so dark and the streets are notoriously unsafe - and the current wet, sloshy weather is doing nothing to bolster my confidence. I'm just feeling so bleak about this whole affair. And it's just. Disheartening. No matter how much I cribbed about engg, I can't deny that life on campus made up for it. I mean, I loved living here SO much. Honestly made the four years of engg + two nightmarish years of inter before it worth it. Insti was just, everything. Now that I'm outta there, I'm absolutely going to be romanticizing the fuck out of it, even more than I did when I was *living* there.

Here though? It's a very niche field so the institute is understandably tiny. And I fucking hate the city already, despite being here barely a week cumulative so far. The course I'm apprehensive about, because it's so niche. I'm scared I'll live to regret it. At least with my undergrad I had the confidence that switching out of the engg field is relatively very easy. This though? So specialised my career will be exclusively tied to the heritage/museum sector. I don't know if I really understand what I'm signing up for?

And this place is so expensive. It's insane. It makes me feel so stupidly guilty despite the fact that my parents are fine with my purchases since I'm just buying stuff I'll *need*.

Also ambiguity. I never deal well with ambiguity and right now everything about my accomodation is still up in the air.

I just want to curl up and cry except the food here is all so heavy that curling up too tight will probably make me throw up.

also also: hindi numbers??? are so stupid??? I'm sure they'll make more sense to a Hindi-speaker but my English-y/Telugu-y wired brain hates them. Both Telugu and English have a pretty standardized way of dealing with numbers: if you need to 21, it's the word for 'twenty' followed by the word for 'one'. Very nice system, holds well no matter how long the number gets. Hindi, the diva that it is, can't keep it simple, can it? First, there's a bunch of numbers getting new words that don't follow any system and need to be learnt by heart, like 150 and 25. Then there's the general rule for double digits, in which it's the unit's digit followed by the ten's digit (so 21 will be read as 1-20, not 20-1). But then three digits go back to the usual policy of hundred's digit being first, so 321 will be read as 300-1-20. Assuming, of course, it's not a special little number like 250 which is "two and a half hundred", for some reason. Also "two and a half" isn't said that way, it's given a brand new name. But three and a half is called "three and a half" with no special name.

fucking die, Hindi.

hmm. turns out Hindi bashing makes me feel better.

....unsurprising, tbh. I think this city will actually manage to make me miss Telugu once my parents leave. Because at least back in insti English was the lingua franca, even if Hindi was super common. Also it was a top engg college so, y'know, couldn't have avoided having at least a few Telugu classmates if I tried.

Here though, not the case. It's also likely that my peers and profs will prefer dipping liberally into Hindi along with English and unlike insti, I don't think I can necessarily count on them confirming first that Hindi works for all. I can deal with Hindi in classes, but it's the shift from asking if it's alright to assuming it's alright that will be :[

also. I wonder if I'll ever call this new institute 'insti'. I don't think so? I feel like insti is a name that should be reserved for places like my undergrad campus and ilk. This tiny institute /can't/ take the place of insti. Sacrilege.

Insti my beloved <3

(yes, I can be weirdly attached to reliving my undergrad days because I barely graduated a month ago, shush)

okay time for me to abruptly stop here and hit the sack because I am thoroughly sleep deprived and that probably isn't helping my bleak outlook.

[blockgamepirate]

Okay so, “Avenging Ranboo” thoughts, specifically re: Technoblade

tl;dr: I think this IS consistent characterisation, actually?

Also I’m kinda mad that I didn’t make that post I had been planning for weeks now but didn’t finish because writing is hard, because it would have tied very well into point 3. Oh well.

I know my friends have been posting about how Techno was OOC in this stream and that’s valid, I just kinda disagree.

1. The Red Festival apology

I think this was a good scene actually? I mean aside from the one life reveal which was a bit awkward and felt forced, probably because he was SUPPOSED to say it naturally in the course of his speech but ended up missing that cue.

I mean, I am pretty excited to have that theory that goes ALL the way back to the canonization of the three lives system finally confirmed, I just think the execution was awkward lol. But yeah, the main issue against that theory was that Wilbur Word-of-Godded it out of existence like immediately after it was first suggested, but I’m frankly glad that we’re just allowed to not take Wilbur’s Reddit posts as definitive canon anymore. And that theory always made a ton of sense based on c!Techno’s characterisation.

But anyway yeah, I actually liked the apology scene. This is another very very old notion I had. Idk if I ever posted about this (it would have been like over a year ago if so) but the sense I got from c!Techno and the Red Festival was that a) he felt very defensive over the whole thing (for very good reasons) and frustrated that his allies didn’t understand what he believed had been a rational choice, b) he was at least somewhat traumatised by the incident and felt abandoned by Wilbur and Tommy and not ready to deal with those feelings even in his own head which is why he focused solely on point a, but also c) on some level, probably subconsciously, he still felt guilty and this is part of why he always deflected the issue with humour, pretending not to care, pretending like it wasn’t a big deal. Particularly around Tubbo.

Point a was pretty much confirmed during the Spooky Stream

Point b was pretty much confirmed during Doomsday

And now point c is pretty much confirmed here.

Point c is just a very natural human reaction to a situation like that, but at that point in his story arc, and especially with him feeling attacked and defensive, I don’t think he processed that at the time. (Tbh I don't think he processed point b either for that matter.)

And the thing is, because he wasn’t processing it, I think all the things Tommy and Wilbur and everybody said about him being a traitor, about how he shouldn’t have just caved to Schlatt’s orders, about how of course he could have just fought everyone, all that was left to fester in his subconscious and made the whole thing worse.

I do think c!Techno has some very fundamental insecurities about his own morality, despite his convictions when it comes to ideology. His entire pacifist arc is full of pretty blatant evidence of this. And I think it did start with the Red Festival, and then was later reinforced by November 16th and its aftermath. Consciously, he felt justified at the time, but it’s hard not to question yourself when literally everybody hates you and thinks you’re a monster. And hanging out with all these guys who are all about noble self-sacrifice, it’s enough to cause a nagging feeling that maybe you ARE a coward and a scoundrel.

And c!Techno does call himself a bad guy a bunch, often sort of jokingly or ironically, but it kinda betrays a sense of fear that he might be in the wrong after all-- or maybe not in the wrong, because he never actually doubts his own convictions per se, but just because he's confident that his convictions are good doesn't mean he's equally confident that he himself is a good person. And when the guilt becomes too heavy, he overcompensates, first with the whole pacifist arc, and now, increasingly, by adopting that self-sacrificial mindset that everybody finds so noble.

Which, for the record, is not healthy or good. Throwing your own life away when it doesn’t achieve anything is not helpful. But it makes sense why he would feel that way after being told over and over again that he should have simply died rather than doing what Schlatt told him to do.

And there absolutely is precedent for him going into extremes like this. I mean, again, look at the pacifist arc.

Because he DOES self-reflect. Maybe not always in the most constructive way but he absolutely does.

And even then it’s not like he’s forgotten point a and b. He brings both up in this scene. It’s only that now he’s giving them less weight, maybe because he’s literally just managed to process that sense of guilt that he’s been stewing on, subconsciously, for over a year. Just like it took him nearly three months to process point b but when he did, it was what he fixated on the most.

So yeah, I think this makes sense, I think it’s a good scene and it makes sense for his characterisation and it was something him and Tubbo needed to talk about to move on (not that they necessarily needed to move on but I can't say I don't appreciate it because I want them to become friends). And I'm glad he figured this out, even if the conclusion he came to is not so great, and even though I know a bunch of haters will take this as validation for their views on the Red Festival.

2. Him viewing Tubbo as a power-hungry dictator

Look, I absolutely do think that it isn’t that simple, and he’s always definitely seen Tubbo as a person, not just the representation of government. What he said to Tommy was that Tubbo might be a nice person who thinks he's doing what's right. And it’s true that he was very much willing to give Tubbo the benefit of the doubt during the Snowchester visit.

But I don’t think any of that contradicts the “power-hungry dictator“ thing, actually. Even after the Snowchester visit Techno was suspicious of Tubbo and wanted to keep an eye on him (which is frankly justified, the guy had nukes and was doing some pretty sketchy shit, like the entire interrogation stream after one of the nukes is stolen. Also Techno KNEW from personal experience that he was the kind of guy who would execute someone without a trial, despite the fact that Tubbo himself should really have known better than to condone such a thing, considering he was ALSO executed without a trial).

And during the NLM era Techno absolutely did view Tubbo as kind of his archnemesis, because it makes sense: he’s the president. Yes, Techno had some level of respect for Tubbo as a person (saying he did have courage), but I think it was pretty obvious that he strongly condemned the fact that Tubbo had exiled Tommy, no matter what his own feelings towards Tommy were. Techno was always quick to put the responsibility of Tommy’s exile on Tubbo, who HAD been the one to make that call and veto the decision of his own cabinet.

As much as Techno bullies Tommy in this era, there’s ALWAYS the implication, between the lines, that he believed Tubbo had wronged Tommy, and this is one of the major disconnects between Techno and Tommy during the whole Bedrock Boys arc: Techno cannot understand why Tommy still cares about Tubbo and honestly my sense of it was always that Techno kinda saw Tommy’s relationship with Tubbo as equally troubling as his relationship with Dream. Because from Techno’s point of view the way Tommy acted in regards to both of them was very similar and as far as Techno knew, Tubbo didn’t seem to care about Tommy's wellbeing.

Not to even mention everything Tubbo's government did to Phil and Techno himself, which would obviously give him a pretty grim view of the guy. (Again, justifiably so. Tubbo was allowing authoritarian notions to guide his actions. He was taking pages straight out of Schlatt's playbook, like the whole execution without a trial thing. Although some of the things the cabinet members did actually had nothing to do with Tubbo, to be fair, and the Butcher Army definitely wasn't his idea and in fact he originally opposed it. Not that Techno had any way of knowing, and I think he might have still seen those things as ultimately Tubbo's responsibility as the president.)

And going back even further, again, as far as Techno knew at the time, the people in Pogtopia who were planning to stage a coup d’état were Quackity and Tubbo. Those were the two guys he found scheming about taking power. Techno didn’t know that Wilbur had been misleading him into believing that Pogtopia’s goal was definitely anarchy. From Techno’s point of view, it could easily have been Quackity and Tubbo who had been pulling the strings behind the scenes and pressured Wilbur into caving, especially since Wilbur had the whole speech about how he had realised that government was not the answer, but that he couldn’t dictate what other people chose to do.

You see how that could EASILY look like Tubbo had pushed Wilbur into nominating him as the president? This kind of stuff is not at all unprecedented, historically. There have been a lot of revolutions that have been stolen in this way. Especially so since Tubbo and Quackity were both members of Schlatt’s cabinet who defected. Yes, Tubbo defected VERY early, but still.

And Techno’s attitude towards Tubbo while he was president and to some extent after it was consistent with this theory. He didn’t even try to talk to Tubbo after Tubbo was declared president, he just immediately attacked him and only after that talked to the crowd. Just the crowd, not Tubbo himself, as if he had already dismissed the idea of Tubbo as someone who might listen. Because I think he had, due to the logic I mentioned above.

All that doesn’t negate the fact that Techno understands that good people can be corrupted by power, that’s basically his entire shtick. So yeah, there’s nothing stopping him from seeing Tubbo as both a potentially good person AND a power-hungry dictator at the same time.

3. Locking Sam up in the prison

I’m leaving this last because it was obviously my least favourite part of the stream. Not a fan. This is what forces me to become a c!Techno anti now because this is the last drop. Can’t excuse shit as dubiously canon or isolated incidents anymore.

But was it out of character? For the guy who once went along with the plan to kidnap and enslave a random stranger? And the guy who once kidnapped and tortured a completely innocent bystander in order to get his weapons back from NLM? Nah, this is unfortunately also very much in character.

I know we tend to kinda gloss over the "hostage" streams, because they seem like "bits" (and frankly probably because they also make Tommy look very very bad) but I mean, those things were never decanonised, actually. Not that I know anyway.

So he has done this before, and if he was willing to do it to a completely unrelated guy he had no grudge against, why wouldn’t he do it to the guy he had ALL the grudges against? It’s perfectly consistent. Shitty, but consistent.

Revenge always seems to bring out his ugliest sides. It’s kinda like the part of him that thinks he’s a bad person just gives up and goes “oh well, might as well just be a bad person then”. And maybe that’s what the point of the obvious foreshadowing towards the start of the stream with the revenge exchange was about. Idk, I hope that’s the point anyway.

But yeah, as much as it sucks, I can see him going along with this, because sometimes he’s just too full of rage to stay true to his ideals. It might in fact be his biggest character flaw.

[skiller0dani]

Broken Paradise | Spencer Reid

M A S T E R L I S T Criminal Minds Masterlist

smut requests info wc | 9.1k summary | you run into an ex boyfriend during an interrogation. except it's you being interrogated, and it's your ex boyfriend doing the interrogating.

song

another draft just waiting to be published. really obsessing over Spencer Reid.

also there's mentions of abortion, nothing graphic it's literally just a short direct reference and nothing else.

You always hear people say your past will come back to haunt you, you just didn't know they meant literally. You leaned back against the metal chair in the interrogation room, you've been in here for what felt like hours. You couldn't complain too much seeing as it's your fault that you're in here at all. You wished they'd come in and tell you something, give you an update, say hi, say anything. You seriously underestimated how maddening silence can be. You knew little about the murders the police were investigating, something about druggie women being found mutilated. The pictures they showed you were downright horrifying, you'd need at least one solid bottle of tequila to forget the bodies of those poor women.

The Las Vegas Police Department were a bunch of judgmental pigs, the only reason they'd brought you here at all was because you were from the wrong side of the tracks. Both of your parents were users, and if you were lucky, also dead. They probably assumed you used as well, and seeing as you seemed to fit the killers physical preference the police brought you in for questioning and also for your own "safety". But really you knew they didn't give a damn about your safety, they just wanted to know where you got your shit from. No matter how many times you insisted you didn't use, they kept pushing. When one male officer started throwing your parents in your face, you stood up and promptly broke his nose. That's how you landed yourself cuffed to the table, tightly.

"Oh thank you so much for gracing me with your presence once more." You smiled sarcastically as another officer walked in, wait he's definitely not an officer. The man who entered the room had cleanly cut dark hair, and wore an expensive looking black suit. Not the run of the mill beat cop that you were expecting. You bit back any other fiery remarks, if you wanted to get the hell out of here you needed to cooperate. Diana would be expecting you, not that you were itching to see her but after letter number 75 of her begging you to swing by- well lets just say that Spencer's mother was never the problem. You doubt Spencer even knew Diana was contacting you, which was good. You wanted nothing at all to do with him.

"I'm Agent Hotchner here with the FBI I need to ask you a few questions." This man was all business, you seriously had to fight the urge to fuck with him a little bit.

"I'd shake your hand but..." Your eyes flickered towards the table, where the police officer who's nose you broke had very tightly handcuffed you. In fact he cuffed you so tightly that your wrists were already raw and bleeding a bit.

"They wouldn't have handcuffed you if you didn't punch an officer. Did he hit a nerve?" The Agent's face was level, and gave nothing away as to what he was thinking. You tongued the inside of your cheek, your foot tapping quickly on the concrete floor. These assholes were really starting to piss you off.

"He was being a dick, how many times do I have to tell you guys that I don't use? Are your heads filled with sawdust?" You snapped roughly, yanking away from him to lean back in your chair despite the biting pain in your wrists.

"That's not why I'm here Miss Y/L/N." Agent Hotchner said, his voice even and his eyes on you. The way he was looking at you made you feel exposed, like he could read all of your secrets because of the way your eye twitches when you're nervous. You hate these damn FBI profilers- wait.

"How's Spencer?" It's a shot in the dark, a very long shot in a very dark tunnel. Before the scumbag left you without warning, Spencer mentioned that someone was trying to recruit him for the BAU department of the FBI. The profilers. Spencer left and never came back, two guesses as to where he went. Your eyes locked onto the Agent's in front of you, and from the slight upturn at the corner of his brow you knew you got him. Spencer is here.

"You know Dr. Reid?"

"So he's a Doctor now, doesn't surprise me. Let me guess, he has PHD's and Doctorates in Math, Chemistry and something to do with Geography right?" You say as casually as you can and you can only hope this man is wondering how you happen to know so much about one of his Agents.

"Unless I'm speaking to Spencer Reid, I want my lawyer." You snap, leaning back. You know Spencer won't talk to you, and unless they have physical proof you're guilty of something they'll have to let you go.

Check mate.

//

Spencer couldn't ignore the questioning glances from his fellow teammates even if he'd wanted to. He watched you lean back in your chair from the other side of the one way glass, what are the chances that you are wrapped up in this case? You of all young petite blonde women in the metro area. The world was fucking with him, it had to be.

"She a friend of yours?" Derek's voice was the first to cut through the silence.

"No." One word answers were the safest route, the shortest diction would give little time for them to draw information out of the way Spencer was speaking. There was a tremble in his tone, he knew there was. Spencer prided himself for having little to no baggage behind him, but of all unopened suitcases- his previous relationship with you was the largest one.

"Really? Cause she seems to know a lot about you." Derek said, his eyes fixed on Spencer. The tension in the room was palpable, and suddenly it felt hard for Spencer to breathe let alone compose himself. After shoving free from the small viewing room, Spencer found it a lot easier to exist without the scrutinizing gazes of his coworkers.

"You hear her?" It was Hotch, with a patiently guarded expression on his face. Spencer and drugs wasn't an uncommon problem, although in the past his poison of choice was dilaudid. Now there's a string of drug related murders and a possible junky who seems to know a lot about him.

"Yeah, from before the Bureau." Spencer clarified quickly, and Hotch honestly looked the tiniest bit relieved.

"Think you could talk to her, she's made it obvious she won't talk to any of us." Hotch said, and from the tension building in Spencer's shoulders he can tell there's some bad blood between the two of you. Spencer took a deep breath before taking all of those unresolved emotions and forcefully shoving them down. Deep, deep down. It's time to do a job, there's a missing woman who needs to be saved.

//

When that door opened again, you thought you'd won. You thought they were coming to begrudgingly release you. Instead you were met by the big doey eyes of Spencer Reid, your first and last love. All the air was stolen from your lungs in an instant, the memories flood back and you can't stop them. The anger rises then, this is the first time you've seen him since he left you. The one person you trusted not to leave you did, he left like everyone leaves you. Like your parents left you. He's very clearly all business, his face hardly giving anything away as he swiftly reached down to unlock the handcuffs around your wrists. If you wanted to walk away from this without your heart getting broken you needed the upper hand.

"Heya baby." You smiled, you hoped that maybe it would disarm him. At least a little, but when you looked at him all you saw was a stoic and focused expression. Nothing? Really?

"I need to ask you a few questions Miss Y/L/N." Spencer's voice was controlled, even in tone. His voice... God his voice could bring you right to tears. You could still hear him saying how much he loved you with that stupidly angelic voice of his. Spencer was very quickly taking control of the situation and you did not like that at all.

"You know you can ask me anything, there's no secrets between us right Spence?" You leaned forward on your elbows, trying desperately to ignore the throbbing in your wrists. One of Spencer's biggest giveaways is eye contact, when he's upset or feels guilty he'll avoid looking into your eyes. You turn your gaze up to meet his, but once again you're completely disarmed to see him unabashedly looking into your eyes like it isn't a problem at all. Either Spencer has amnesia and forgot who you were, or what happened between you two doesn't hurt him like it hurts you. You refuse to believe it's the latter, he just forgot. Definitely forgot. Somehow he must have forgot.

"Nina Fredricks, have you ever seen her?" He slid a photo in front of you, you recognize her as the woman who was most recently kidnapped. Most recently being 12 hours ago so chances of her still being alive are unfortunately slim. You nibble on your lower lip, come to think of it you actually might have seen her.

"Yeah, saw her at Winchell's, little coffee shop on the corner of 5th? You remember right Spence? You used take me there all the time, I loved giving you head under the table." You smirk, but it quickly falters. Whatever training he went through must have stripped him of all emotion and turned him into a machine. Built only to solve cases and do nothing else. That wasn't the case however, you just didn't know how good Spencer is at compartmentalizing his emotions. He could only imagine the looks on his coworkers faces upon hearing you say that, at least he can just say you were lying to try and illicit some sort of reaction from him. They don't have to know that you totally used to slip under the table and swallow his cock in a diner full of people. They don't know about that side of him, and Spencer doesn't plan on changing that.

"When?" He presses on with the interview, and surprisingly you're forthcoming with information when you're speaking to Spencer. Even after all this time, he has this annoying power over you. This innate ability to get you to do whatever he wants you to, although you would prefer him to use this special ability in the bedroom. No! No you have to eradicate thoughts like that, Spencer hurt you worse then anyone else ever has. He hurt you worse because he made you think he was going to stay, and then he didn't.

"Few nights ago, she looked really messed up though. Winchell threw her out, definitely doped up on something. Before you ask, no I didn't see where she went." You sigh, finally giving up flashing Spencer the all too familiar 'you win' look. Usually a victorious grin stretches across his face, but not this time. Those times are over.

"Did you see anybody with her?" You're not entirely surprised that Spencer isn't writing any of this down, that stupid eidetic memory. You're fooling yourself if you think he forgot what happened, Spencer never forgets anything. Ever.

"Every detail matters."

You genuinely try to remember if anybody was with Nina, and while you didn't see anyone you remember shortly after she left the diner there was this horrible screeching sound. "After Nina left I heard what sounded like tires screeching on the street. Never saw a car though."

"Thank you Miss Y/L/N, is there anything else you can remember about that night? Anything that sticks out?" After a few moments of quiet contemplation, you shake your head.

"Am I free to go?" You ask quietly and Spencer shakes his head.

"Unfortunately we're going to have to keep you in protective custody. We'll move you to a more comfortable room, but you'll need to stay in the precinct."

"But why? I'm not a drug addict-"

"You are exactly this killers type, and we don't know if looking a certain way is more important or if being a drug addict is when it comes to him choosing his victims." Spencer explains simply, his mouth moving a mile a minute as he stands. When he turns his eyes back on you, you realize he's waiting for you to follow him. You stand and follow him out of the cold interrogation room to a comfier waiting room. It has a table and chairs, vending machine and a big plush couch.

"You can stay in here, we'll let you know when it's safe to go home." Spencer says, and this is when you finally catch the crack in his façade. His eyes flicker away from yours, trying to disguise the waver in his voice, the desperation to vacate the room as quickly as he can. But now that you've seen him break, even a little, you're going to crack him wide open. You won't let it go that easily.

"Spencer?" Your voice is soft, with an innocent drawl that Spencer can't resist. He turns his head to look at you, swallowing thickly when his eyes meet yours.

"You do remember me don't you? Once upon a time we were in love." You see the rest of his coworkers trying and failing to look like they're not listening. But it's not like you care if they do, Spencer will though but luckily his back is to the door. After a few moments of tense silence, he finally speaks.

"Of course." It's not the answer you were hoping for but it's an admission, which is more then you were getting earlier.

"Do you miss me Spencer? Miss me in bed next to you?"

"W-Well I-"

"Do you miss when I used to cook your favorite dinner every night when you came over? Do you miss how I loved you unconditionally?" Your voice was steadily growing more hostile, and you knew there were tears building in your eyes. This has all been building up for so long you know you can't stop it now.

"Y/N-"

"Do you miss being able to fuck me whenever the hell you want? Is that what you miss the most Spencer? You must not miss me that much because when you left I didn't even get a fucking call! You didn't even say goodbye, you just left!" You were yelling now, with tears streaming down your face. Spencer had slyly shut the door by now, he knew this was going to happen the second he saw you. He wished he could help you understand why he had to leave the way he did. He was trying to protect you, and he still firmly believes he's protecting you. Look what happened to Haley, what happened to Maeve. Spencer loved Maeve and he lost her like Hotch lost Haley, and Spencer can't lose you. Not you. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to you.

"Please try to understand-" You never even let him get close to finishing his thought.

"Understand what? Leaving me? You said you loved me! How could you love me and then leave me alone? While I was pregnant!" Your hands flew to your mouth, you honestly never planned on telling him that. Spencer's eyebrows rose high in the air, and you can tell you just knocked the wind out of him. Spencer's hand reached back for the door handle, "pregnant?"

"Spencer I'm sorry I didn't mean to tell you that way." You tried to explain, and despite the fact that he'd abandoned you, you were dead terrified of him leaving again now that he was stood in front of you.

"Do I have a child you never told me about?" His voice is shaky, afraid. Now you can see all his coworkers heavily invested in your conversation.

"N-No, I...I got rid of it." You said softly, watching the mix of emotions swirl across his face. When his trembling palm curls around the door handle you launch forward to grab at his arm.

"I'm sorry, please don't leave. Not again-" But he's pulling his arm free from yours and turning out of the room, nearly slamming the door behind him.

//

Spencer ignored the questions, he ignored the looks. His legs gave out somewhere near one of the couches. He stared ahead numbly, trying to make sense of what you'd just told him. Trying to somehow wrap his head around the terror of you being pregnant and then the grief of the lost possibility all at the same time. By now, JJ and Rossi had shooed everyone away from Spencer. Which he was immensely grateful for, the only thing he wanted now was to be alone. Completely and entirely alone.

Pregnant.

The word kept replaying like a scratched record, screeching in his ears every time he closed his eyes. Spencer pressed the balls of his palms into his eyes when he heard the distinct sound of footsteps approaching him. Whoever it was, he already wished they would go away.

"Damn Kid, I didn't expect you to date such a spitfire." Derek joked as he sat down, doing what he can to ease the tension. Spencer didn't even bother looking up at him, his head stubbornly lowered and his gaze locked on the ground. Derek racked his brain for something adequate to say, but what was there to say? How could Derek find a way to make this right? Spencer just found out you were pregnant with his child and that you'd got an abortion all in the same 10 seconds. It was a lot to process.

"You gotta talk to her Spence." Derek's voice was less humorous this time. Spencer wrung his hands nervously, his eyes finally lifting to meet Derek's. A sharp shake of his head and a flash of the tears in his eyes and Spencer stands, wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands. Time to get back to work. Someone has to talk to you, Derek can't stand of someone crying by themselves like that.

"It's not really my place-" JJ tried to argue as Derek stood in front of her.

"Someone needs to talk to her, and Spencer isn't going to." Derek said, rubbing a hand down his face as his eyes flickered back to Spencer. Who was currently throwing himself headfirst into the geographic profile of the killer they're looking for, because maybe if he works hard enough the rest of the entire world will just disappear. Maybe if Spencer keeps working and does nothing else you'll just vanish from that room and he won't have to deal with this. It's not that Spencer wants you to go away, the opposite actually but there isn't room in his life for you anymore. It's not safe. Spencer would rather be alone for the rest of his life then put you in danger because he's lonely and misses you.

"Alright, fine. But only for Spence." JJ says, jabbing a finger in Derek's direction before reluctantly heading towards the room you're in. She glances back at Spencer, who has become consumed by the map in front of him. JJ can always tell when something is bothering him, he has physical giveaways. The way his shoulders are rigid as he scribbles something on the whiteboard, the furrow in his brow that lets her know that while he's working on something, his mind is elsewhere. The tremble in his palm from trying so hard to hold everything back, everything he doesn't want anyone else to see. To someone that doesn't know Spencer, he looks perfectly composed, his attention and focus completely on his work. JJ knows him well enough to know that his mind, and heart are sitting tattered in this waiting room on the couch next to you.

JJ creaks the door open, flashing you a smile that makes you absolutely hate her guts. Spencer probably has some puppy love crush on her, she's beautiful. Long blonde hair, slender body, stunning smile. Everything you're not.

"Hi I'm Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me JJ." The way she's looking at you lets you know that she came in here to try and understand. You're not in the mood to talk to her or anybody else in this stupid building except for Spencer. You want to hate him so bad but you can't. You can't because of how much you fucking love him. The bastard.

"Look I know you're probably not all that excited to talk to me-"

"I want Spencer." You snap, and by the look on her face you can tell she isn't surprised that you said that. JJ chewed on the inside of her cheek, how does she say that Spencer doesn't actually want to talk to you?

"Dr. Reid is needed elsewhere right now, but I'm willing to talk if you need to."

"You don't have to lie Agent Jareau. I know he doesn't want to see me, he's doing that thing where he pretends to work on something while secretly obsessing over something else." You say casually, and the fact that you can pick Spencer apart so easily is somewhat off-putting to JJ. But that could be her unrequited crush on him shining through, deep down JJ doesn't like that some other woman knows Spencer better then she does. While you'd love to sit here and wallow in your misery, a much worse idea strikes you then. If you can't talk to Spencer why not fuck with the woman who's clearly in love with him.

"And the little twitch in his fingers, the slight clench in his jaw. See that? He keeps rolling his shoulders back," while everything you were saying isn't a lie- it's guaranteed to annoy her. JJ stayed quiet, she hated that she didn't know what the goddamn twitch in his fingers meant.

"He's tense, but there's more. He can't stand still, keeps shifting from foot to foot. It's driving you crazy that you don't know why he's doing that." You laugh as her annoyed eyes flash to yours for a second before settling on Spencer again.

"You're a profiler, you can't figure it out? That doesn't surprise me, you've probably never considered the fact that Spencer has an unusually high sex drive." Your words completely stun her, and JJ's cheeks flush profusely.

"It means he's horny." You say casually, leaning back against the couch. You love the blush on her cheeks, and the fact that she's clearly biting her tongue to avoid saying something rude. You love that you got under her skin, and yes you're aware that you're a bad person. Now that you've said it, JJ can't get it out of her damn head. Spencer is horny. Spencer isn't a virgin. The thought of Spencer having sex makes JJ feel a sick turning in her gut. She was happy believing Spencer was a virgin, believing that nobody has gotten to experience that side of him yet. Happy to believe that he was untouched, but apparently that was not the case. Now that the illusion has been shattered, JJ feels as though the jagged pieces of it are cutting into her, and she knows you enjoy watching her bleed.

"Trust me, I know just what to do to relieve the tension, I know how to get him off quick. Do you?" You smile as you let your eyes shamelessly drag down his slender frame.

"You're only saying this because you want to control the conversation, and you hate that I see him everyday. That I can talk to him whenever I want, about whatever I want. You wouldn't lash out if you didn't feel intimidated." JJ says calmly, rendering you just as speechless as she was moments ago. The pain that was sent stabbing into your heart caused you to recoil back from JJ, trying to hide your misty eyes from hers. You can't let her know that she's winning.

"Look, we can both get nasty all we want but that's not why I'm here. I just want to help." JJ says sincerely, but you still don't budge. JJ taps her fingers against the wood of the table, thinking about leverage she can use to get you to talk to her.

"Spencer fell in love again." JJ says finally, and this time you turn your gaze up to look at her. You push your emotions down, no matter how much it hurts to hear her say that. Who is she? Are they still together?

"If you want to know more about her, then I suggest you talk to me. An answer for an answer, fair?" You can see her trying to bait you, and damn her because it's working.

"Fine." You grumble, leaning back fully against the couch. Your eyes catch Spencer's for a second when he turns to face the table, presumably looking for a map you remember being on the right side. You point to the right side of the table and Spencer looks nothing but annoyed when he follows your direction and finds what he's looking for. He hates that he functions better as a person when you're around.

"What's the deal with you and Spence?" JJ asks, and there is a lot to unpack with that question.

"Gonna have to be more specific." You say with a shrug, your eyes hesitantly meeting hers.

"How long were you two together?"

"2 years 8 months." You answer without pausing, causing her eyebrows to raise. JJ didn't expect you to remember down to the month, it's been years since you and Spencer were together. That's not a short fling like JJ originally thought, that's a substantial amount of time.

"What's her name?" You ask, desperate to get information on this mystery woman who has stolen Spencer from you.

"Her name was Maeve." Was. You don't miss how she says was instead of is.

"Why do you hate Spencer?" JJ looked like she cared, but you know it's not you she cares about. She's in here to try and protect Spencer in some way, she's acting like you're the villain.

"I don't hate him. He abandoned me. Just packed up and left, no note, no goodbye. Haven't heard from him since." You snap, hating the amount of emotion that was in your voice. JJ's eyebrows furrow, that's just so unlike Spencer. He's not cruel, he's never been cruel but that...is cruel. You see a look flash across her face.

"Sweet boy isn't as sweet as he seems." You say softly, folding your arms over your chest.

"He must have had a good reason." JJ insists, her eyes landing on Spencer's back as he continues to map out the hunting grounds of the killer. You know he's just wasting time to avoid coming back in here. Spencer is a certifiable super genius, he finished mapping it out a while ago. He's just pretending he hasn't finished yet.

"Spence still with her? Maeve." Her name felt like poison on your tongue, and JJ slowly shook her head.

"She died in front of him, really tore him up." Your heart cracks a little bit at her words, you can't imagine how hard that must have been for him. You see JJ open her mouth to ask something else when the door opens, and a man with darker skin pokes his head in.

"JJ? Reid found him, we gotta go." As soon as he arrived, he's gone with JJ hot on his heels. She sends you a smile before she rushes out of the room, and you see Spencer following her path out. They're going to arrest a murderer who has an arsenal of weapons at his disposal.

"Spencer! Y-You can't go, it's not safe!" You blurt from the doorway, and he pauses. His eyes find yours as he holsters his pistol, an unreadable expression on his face.

"It's my job." And that's all he says before he disappears out of the precinct, leaving you once again.

//

You couldn't quell the anxiety turning in your gut, you're not sure how to exist while Spencer is out there hunting a murderer. You wished that you could turn off the part of your brain that's still so damn attached to him, but no matter how hard you try you can't silence your heart as it calls for him. You're not sure you could survive the constant fear of losing him if you ever ended up with him again, this life is too much for you to take. Maybe he knew that all those years ago when he left you the first time, Spencer always could see right through you. Maybe he left because he knew staying would only lead you to live a life of constant fear, maybe he was trying to protect you. Either way the reasons don't matter anymore because he left, and nothing can change how badly that hurt you.

"Does it normally take this long?" You ask a passing officer, who in turn shrugs before continuing on his path. You feel like you're going to explode or vomit, or both. It's been over 2 hours, should it be taking this long? What if he got shot? What if he's dead right now and you're sitting here with your damn thumb up your ass worrying about him like a useless housewife? Feeling useless, that's what you hate the absolute most. Knowing there's nothing you can do to stop a bullet on it's trajectory to his heart.

"Spence, are you sure you're okay?" You hear a flurry of voices and when his name graces JJ's lips you're pushing out of the room. Your eyes find him instantly, and then travel to his palm which is pressed tightly to his neck. His bleeding neck. You feel your heart rate spike, hammering like the hooves of wild horses as you move without thinking about it. Before you even understand that you've moved, you're stood in front of him. Your eyes try to scan his neck for wounds but his palm covers the location the blood is coming from.

"C'mere." You grab his wrist and yank him back towards where you saw a first aid kit earlier. Luckily your 2 and a half years of nursing school taught you how to stitch a wound and perform basic first aid. Spencer offers no resistance as you yank him to a back corner of the precinct, pushing him to sit down. You grab the first aid kit, slowly prying his hand from his neck. Your eyes mist at the wound, it's a bullet wound. Looks old though, there's scarred tissue. This had to have happened a few weeks ago at least. You see the thin line of the scar, the middle section seems to have opened up again.

"You didn't wait long enough for this to heal." You scold gently, not missing how his eyes watch you with an intensity smoldering in them. You miss the way he used to look at you, the way he's looking at you right now. You miss being the center of his whole world, you scoff. Look how easy it was for him to walk away from you. You threat a needle to stitch the center of his wound shut again, and when you look for numbing cream you discover that there isn't any.

"Spence, there isn't any- I can't find the numbing..." Your voice trails off as you begin to yank things out of the first aid kit to search for the numbing cream. Spencer's hand catches your wrist and it's only just now that you realize you're trembling.

"It's okay. I'll be fine." He settles back against the chair he's sitting in, turning his head to reveal his neck to you. You hesitate, the Spencer you remember had a very low pain threshold. All of a sudden he's expecting you to stitch him up with no numbing agent?

"Y/N, I can handle it." Spencer says again, his voice firmer than before. You swallow a lump in your throat before reaching forward to begin stitching. You press the needle against his neck, eyeing him to gauge his reaction as you puncture his skin to make the first thread. To your surprise he hardly flinches, a small quirk in his lip is the only giveaway that he's in pain. Is this the same man that got squirmy getting a shot? That would shy away from the needle? Now he's sitting here letting you stitch him up without moving a muscle, without even flinching? The more time you spend with him the more proof you get that this isn't the same Spencer that left you all those years ago.

"How did it happen?" You ask, wondering how he could have survived a gunshot to the neck. He shifts uncomfortably.

"Got shot, two inches away from hitting my jugular." Spencer says it so casually, but you're so stunned that you halt your movements for a moment.

"How many times have you been shot?" You ask, your voice hoarse. Is him getting shot a common occurrence?

"Twice. Also got shot in the leg." The casual way Spencer talks about it almost convinces you it isn't a big deal. But it is. It's a bullet ripping through his body, and it's happened to him on two separate occasions. You finish stitching and bandaging him up, your hands moving away from him as soon as you can.

"Thank God you went to nursing school or I'd be six feet under." He jokes. You know he's kidding but still, the thought of it makes you feel lightheaded.

"Don't say stuff like that." You snap softly, and you know Spencer can see the fear and vulnerability in your eyes. You hesitantly steal a glance up at him once he's stood up only to find he's already looking at you. You shy away from his intrusive gaze, and you could practically feel him probing at your mind. Reading your thoughts as if they were written down for him. You hate that he can always tell what you're thinking, you hate that it was so easy for him to read you. Like a damn book. You have to fight the urge to reach out and grab his hand, it's what you always did when you felt lost or unsure. Spencer was always there to ground you and bring your mind back out of your thoughts.

"Miss Y/L/N?" You hear JJ's voice gently interrupt you two. You shoot away from Spencer as though you were doing something scandalous. He doesn't move an inch.

"Yes!" You blurt a little too loudly, suddenly flustered being so close to him. Why does your sharp tongue always leave you when you need it?

"You're clear to go home."

"I can take her." Spencer speaks up before JJ has a chance to offer, and she knew he would. You swallow a nervous lump in your throat, your palms shaking.

//

The SUV has dark tint, you weren't expecting that. The second you sat back in the plush leather seat your mind flew to lewd thoughts of you leaning over the center console, Spencer's hand in your hair as he helps you take his cock in your mouth. You steal one glance at Spencer, his right hand holding the steering wheel loosely. Your cheeks heat up as you glance down between his legs, get ahold of yourself.

"The address is-"

"I remember." You knew he would. That damn eidetic memory ensured that he never forgot anything. It broke your heart a little, because some naïve part of you was hoping he remembered because it meant something to him. You hoped he remembered the way to your house because he didn't want to forget, because forgetting it meant forgetting you. But you know the reality, you know that he remembers because he has no choice but to remember. His memory is too good to allow him to forget anything, even if it was something he wanted to forget. You're grasping at straws and you know you are, holding onto that foolish notion that Spencer still held onto the memories. That he still held onto the gifts you gave him, crying softly in the night like you did sometimes.

"JJ told me about Maeve." You say softly into the silence, and you saw Spencer swallow thickly out of the corner of your eye. "I'm so sorry you lost her Spence."

"Thank you." He honestly wasn't expecting you to say that, to acknowledge the pain. Because acknowledging the pain meant that you knew he loved her. He did love her. But it was a different love then the love he feels for you. It was special, but so are you. You're special too.

"Have you...dated anyone else?" Spencer can't help but ask as he subconsciously continues the drive to your house. A drive he's committed to his memory, a drive he never wants to forget. You shift to look at him, there were a few you dated. You know when you tell Spencer about them that it'll drive him crazy.

"Tony Anderson." You say and just like you thought, Spencer groans deeply. Spencer detests Tony, they were practically mortal enemies when he still lived in Las Vegas.

"Tony? Seriously?" His tone is incredulous as his grasp on the steering wheel tightens ever so slightly.

"He was a good fuck at least." You know you shouldn't wind him up, but he hurt you for Christ's sakes. He deserves a little bit of pain too. Spencer flinches, a look of anger and something else simmering in his eyes.

"Please tell me you didn't have sex with Tony."

"Why does it matter?" You shouldn't enjoy upsetting people as much as you do. But there's still a small part of you that's convinced that Spencer deserves this.

"Because I can't live with the fact that somebody else has gotten to feel that perfect cunt of yours, let alone Tony." His crude words take you by surprise, and you can't fight the gasp that escapes your mouth.

"Well before you start digging your grave, relax. I never had sex with Tony." You decide to put him out of his misery, and you see the relief physically flood his body. You lean against the window, the next admission from you will leave the air heavier in it's wake.

"I've never slept with anyone but you Spence." You realize it's been a long time since you've seen Spencer let alone had sex with him but you could never bring yourself to sleep with someone else. It's not as though the opportunity never presented itself, you had plenty of chances to have sex with someone else. But you couldn't because there's still a stubborn part of you that doesn't want to betray Spencer.

"Really? Why?" Apparently this revelation surprised him.

"Because no matter where you go I will always belong to you." You snap without thinking, blinking tears from your eyes as you avoid his gaze. Spencer fell silent then, and you know he feels guilty. Probably because he's slept with someone else in the time since he's been with you.

"I know you have and it's fine I'm not trying to-"

"I haven't." Spencer corrects instantly, his eyes meeting yours through the darkness of the SUV. If he could see you he would see the look of utter surprise on your face. It's not as though Spencer was an overly sexually ambitious person when you dated, but you figured he probably slept with at least one person. "I haven't slept with anybody else either."

"I know someone that wants to though." You grumble without thinking, your mind drifting to JJ and the obvious crush she thinks isn't obvious. Spencer tilts his head in a way that resembles a confused puppy, you resist the urge to ruffle his hair.

"Who?"

"Agent Jareau." As soon as the name slips past the threshold of your lips, Spencer's jerks the wheel in surprise. You see a dark blush color his cheeks as his other hand reaches up to steady the wheel.

"J-Jennifer? No way! She's my best friend." You nearly laugh at his flustered state, and normally you would push it a little further but you decide to let it go. You don't want to completely destroy the way he sees her, you know you already destroyed the way she sees him.

"You have no idea what a catch you are Spencer." You tell him as you unbuckle your seatbelt, getting ready to exit the SUV. Spencer reaches over and places a warm hand on your wrist to stop you from leaving, his eyes searching yours for an answer he isn't sure you have.

"Come in?" You ask hopefully, you're not ready for him to leave again. Damnit why did he have to turn up again after so long? You were just starting to think that maybe you could move on and find someone new. You were finally starting to feel okay, and then Spencer reappears and turns your entire world upsidown all over again. Deep down you know that nobody will ever compare to Spencer Reid, and you don't want them to. You don't want anyone to be like Spencer, you want him to be his entirely own person. It's what you love the most about him, is his ability to be himself no matter where he is or who he's with. All of his little quirks, the things about himself that he doesn't notice but you do.

"Yeah." His answer comes across as an exhalation of breath, and you try to hide how excited you are. You want to hold on to any moment you can, stolen moments that you take as you please with no regret whatsoever.

"Nothing has changed." Spencer muses once you unlock the front door and push inside the darkened living room. You blush, admittedly nothing about your small townhouse has changed. It's all basically the exact same as when Spencer saw it last. You rub a hand down your arm as Spencer's eyes go wandering. Trailing over the curtains he remembers hastily pulling closed to protect your decency on more than a few occasions. His gaze then travels to the couch, all those movie nights you two spent curled up together. Or when he got you into Star Trek and you couldn't stop watching it. Pain stabs his chest for a moment, it's hard to remember everything he had to let go of to get the job he has now.

"I miss you too, you know." Spencer says off-handedly. It takes you by surprise, the sureness in his tone is jarring. He sounds so comfortable admitting when he's vulnerable, it's never been easy for you to be vulnerable with him. Maybe that's part of the reason he left, maybe you drove him away by shutting him out. His eyes meet yours, a look so soft in his eyes it feels as though his gaze is caressing your skin. You bite your bottom lip to keep the emotions at bay, what is it about this man that makes you so emotional?

"I never said I missed you." You try to snap, to add an edge to your tone. But instead it came out watery and broken, and in turn Spencer reached up to swipe away a falling tear.

"But you do." You can't even deny it, it's obvious.

"Damn you Spencer Reid, I was finally starting to feel okay again." You cry softly, curling your arms towards your chest in an attempt to shrink away from him. He cups your cheeks in his palms, turning your face up towards him.

"I wasn't." He admits before his lips are on yours, and it's not frenzied and desperate like you've been picturing all these years. It's slow and calculated, soft and passionate. Firm but with a tenderness that makes your knees buckle from the gravity of it. Spencer's fingers card into your hair, pulling your head closer to his. He nips at your lower lip, his arms crushing you against his chest. You throw yourself into him, your arms holding him as tightly as you possibly can. Afraid that if your vise grip loosens, even for a second, that he'll slip through your fingers like trying to hold onto water. You almost don't want to let your eyes close, you don't want him to disappear again.

"I missed you, I miss you-" You gasp against his lips, grabbing fistfuls of his dress shirt. Spencer continues to move his lips languidly against yours, backing you against the wall. His hand ghosts down your side to the hem of your shirt, his fingers toying with it.

"O-Off." You beg, and in an instant Spencer is pulling your shirt over your head. His eyes land on your bare chest, shocked that he almost forgot that you never really wear a bra. His hands curl around your back, drawing your chest up into his awaiting lips. His mouth curls around your hardened nipple, your hand flying into his hair from the contact.

"Is this a dream? Please tell me you're really here Spencer." You beg, almost becoming lost in the emotions again. His eyes flutter up to meet yours, his mouth reluctantly leaving your nipple. He brushes his lips over yours, his hand trailing down your stomach towards the waistband of your leggings.

"This is real, I'm here baby. I'm home." Hearing those words was too much, and you launch yourself into his chest as the first tear trickles down your cheek. Your lips press sloppily to his, the kiss messy and wet as his hand slides into your leggings. His fingers find your wet slit in an instant, desperately parting your lips to slide a lithe finger into you. Your body reacts to him instantly, in a way that surprises you. Almost as though it too was crying out for him, keening into him and begging for his touch as much as your mind is. Spencer hauls one of your thighs up to hook around his waist as he presses another finger into you. You cry out softly into the quiet air, accompanied only by the labored breathing fanning across your face.

"I need to feel you, I- I need-" You can barely get the words out as he steadily pumps his fingers into you. His mouth on yours silences your desperate pleading, his chest firmly pressing your back into the wall. You missed being able to feel him and you hate that you forgot what it feels like to have his body on yours. It's been so long you forgot what the sting of his cock feels like. What it feels like when you stretch wide open around him, to feel like you're being ripped in two. Spencer continues his pace, his thumb rolling your clit to provide the extra stimulation you're missing. It's not enough to satisfy you, but its enough for you two cum. Which you do. You gush around his fingers as you gently come undone, your back arching into him.

"Please," You beg wantonly, curling your other leg around his waist as his hands hook underneath your thighs. Spencer's lips press against yours, moving slowly against your own. You know now that you will never stop loving Spencer, and that he's completely ruined you for life. You'll never be able to love anybody else without your heart wandering back to him. But then again, you don't really mind because you don't want to be with anybody else. You don't want to love anybody else. You just want him, only him. He pushes into your room, walking the entirety of the way with his eyes closed and his mouth pressed against yours. He has the layout of your house mapped out in his head? He never even bumped into anything until he was dropping you unceremoniously on the bed.

"Tell me what you need, I'll give you whatever you want." Spencer husks against you, hovering above you. Your fingers are already unbuttoning his shirt before you even have the chance to respond to him. You know instantly what you want, what you need from him.

"I want all of you, give me everything." You plead, your lips practically chasing his as he kneels up over you. He's being soft tonight, and that's something you appreciate greatly. You need to feel his love, you need to feel everything you know he can't quite put into words. His hands are shaking as he undoes the button and zipper of his dress slacks before kicking them off the edge of the bed. You stare up at his naked body, looking as though it's been sculpted by the Gods specifically for you. Spencer smiles softly at you as he pulls your leggings down your legs, leaving little nips and kisses on your inner thighs as he goes.

"Hurry." You groan, nearly clawing at his bare shoulders to pull him back up to you. Spencer chuckles at how eager you are, watching with interested eyes as the head of his cock breaches your folds. You reluctantly stretch open as he continues his intrusion, his fists curling tightly around the sheets. Christ you weren't lying about not sleeping with anyone else, you're so tight it's making him feel a little lightheaded. Inch by inch Spencer presses into you, his forehead resting against yours once his pelvis is sitting flush against yours. Sure, you've had sex with hi before but never have you felt this connected to him. Spencer sits like a gentleman and lets you adjust to his size, trying to take a few deep breaths himself. It's hard to breathe with your heat sucking him in with a vice grip.

"Can I move?" You're surprised by how collected his voice is, but the furrow of his brow is a giveaway that he's losing the battle to stay stock still inside you.

"Yes, please." You moan, unashamed. Spencer gently draws his hips back, pulling himself nearly all the way out before swiftly sliding back into your inviting cunt. He sets the pace slow and deep, his hands reaching up to lace through yours. Every time the head of his cock nudges that spot deep inside you, you can feel your toes curl. Your head slams back against the pillows, unable to keep your gaze on him any longer. You feel yourself becoming one with him, and you wish you could capture this moment somewhere other then just in your minds eye. Your memory is nowhere near as good as Spencer's, he'll be able to recall every detail of this moment up until the day he dies. But over time, this memory will fade for you. It'll wear out, all the details becoming fuzzy and blurred. If he's not here in front of you, you'll forget and you don't want to forget.

When the night draws to a close, and the moon has reached its peak, Spencer slips carefully out of bed. It chisels away pieces of his heart as he carefully gets dressed, reaching for his go bag which he'd brought inside upon realizing that he'd be staying a while. He pulls out a t-shirt he'd worn recently and leaves it folded neatly at the end of your bed, something for you to hold onto when he's gone. Spencer's cheeks are wet with tears as he leans over and presses a kiss to your head.

"I love you." Is the last thing he whispers in the space between you two before he's gone again.

//

On the jet, Derek can't keep his eyes off Spencer and that helplessly broken look on his face. A book is laid nestled in Spencer's lap, but Derek can tell he isn't really reading it. Trying to bother Spencer into opening up probably won't work, but it's worth a try. Derek has to do something and this is all he can think of.

"You okay kid?"

"Yeah fine, why?" Spencer draws his eyes up from the book, his gaze meeting Derek's from across the table. While Spencer might be a talented actor, he can't lie to Derek.

"Look I know how hard it must have been leaving her again-"

"Did you know that on average the FDA allows a minimum of 1 rodent hair per 100 grams of peanut butter? They have to allow themselves room for error just in case of-"

"Alright you win, forget it." Derek sighs, turning his gaze out the window. In an instant Spencer drops his peanut butter spiel, turning back to his book. A guaranteed way to get people off his back is to start rambling about something boring or gross, they usually leave him alone pretty quickly. It's not that Spencer doesn't appreciate Derek's concern, he just doesn't want to talk about it. He can't talk about it, because every time he imagines how you're going to feel when you wake up, tears come to the surface of his eyes. He hates this case more than all the rest even though they saved the victim. Spencer hates this case for ripping open an old wound, one he thought healed.

He was wrong.

//

When you wake the next morning you knew he'd be gone. That didn't stop the tears from coming when you reached over and felt cold sheets. That didn't stop the tears from coming when you cried how much you loved him over and over again even though he couldn't hear you. It doesn't change how badly this hurts, how much worse it feels compared to the first time he left. Your eyes catch the shirt folded at the end of the bed and you grab it instantly. You pull it over your body and you lay down in your bed, inhaling his cologne that you know will fade over time. Eventually his scent will disappear, removing all traces that this fabric belonged to him at all. Every trace of him will disappear over time, every mark from your body will slowly vanish. When it's all gone, you'll be left with nothing more than a t-shirt that's too big for you, and a cold reminder that the man you love will never truly be yours. A reminder that every time he comes home, he leaves again.

A cold reminder that this world is cruel for bringing you Spencer Reid, only to rip him from you again and again.

[transgenderer]

i cant like...disprove them, i mean obviously i can find books that say what i want and you can find books that say what you want and we could do that back and forth, but anyway im very skeptical of arguments that animal agriculture is necessary, like that we couldnt support our current world population with sufficient nutrition without it or whatever, because its just so...convenient? like, wow, sure would be nice if we got to have the thing that we want without feeling guilty about it because it turns out we need it.

its like...okay, i dont think animal ag is as bad as slavery, but imagine if you were an abolitionist in like, idk ancient greece say (just trying to think of a society where most slave labor when into necessities like food. altho afaik ancient greece didnt really have abolitionists. go with me. the details arent important) and someone claimed, with evidence that looked good on the face of it, that you couldnt free the slaves because free men produced less food, and if you freed the slaves everyone would starve, and therefore slavery was okay. youd be...pretty skeptical!

theres also a missing mood here? like, the mood for "we need to eat meat in order to have enough food to survive, or for the ecology, or whatever" should be *somber*. its omelas shit! its, well, we have to torture a child in order to have all this joy, but were not like...happy about torturing the child. were uncomfortale about it, we, yknow, we feel at least a little bit guilty abt it even if the utilitarian calculus is 100% on our side. and imo thats never the mood i get from meat defenders? the mood i get is "meat is totally fine, like, dont even worry about it". which is...a pretty troubling mood!

oh also under the cut im gonna lay out approximately my position re animal ag, altho ive talked about it before

okay so im a vegetarian but i feel like theres a bunch of caveats like

econony is complicated, no idea if being a vegetarian has any marginal effect on the amount of animal ag that occurs, totally plausible it doesnt, in which case i guess its just a classic coordination problem

i dont think eating meat is like, a terrible sin or anything? i think its bad, but its like...littering bad, yknow? maybe more than that. maybe like. "consistently being an asshole most of the time" level of bad. i dont have super principled reasons for this. thats just how it *feels*

probably veganism is much better than vegetarianism but it FEELS like vegetarianism is like 90% of the way to the goodness of veganism. my main issue is killing things. killing things feels bad to me

uhhhhh something something efficiency gains from not growing food to feed to animals something something yes that means some areas wont be self sufficient for food, if you had to kill people to live in an area then i guess its immoral to live in that area, sorry, something something

getting sufficient nutrition while on a veg diet can be pretty hard, i like. i get why you would eat meat for that reason. i think its still probably kind of bad. but yknow. its complicated.

im sort of a soft antinatalist so i dont think causing an animal to be born makes it any less bad to kill it

[ventiskies]

when he accidentally injures you | Xiao, Albedo, Bennett

a/n: hello anon!! im doing well, thank you!! hope you are too !! thank you for giving me the chance to add characters HHHH ive been DYING to write for Xiao, Albedo and Benny so i took the opportunity to! hope you like it !! also,,, this is probably my longest post !! i loved writing this <3

pairing: Xiao x gn! reader, Albedo x gn! reader Bennett x gn! reader

warnings: vague mentions of injury and blood

Xiao

★Xiao and you had been on a stroll, something you casually did together whenever Xiao was in a good mood. the adeptus wasn’t one to get out of the confines of Wangshuu Inn, so every time he does, you cherish it and spend it as if it was your last

★but this particular stroll didn’t go as planned, at all

★the two of you had left Wangshuu Inn in the morning, when the weather had seemed as if it would be sunny the whole morning, but it had betrayed you the moment you had set foot in Minlin, the skies had loomed with darkness and occasional rumbles of thunder

★Xiao could have easily teleported the two of you together, but a sudden attack with a ruin hunter had caused him to get distracted

★he could easily defeat the creation with a simple use of his elemental burst, but you were in the vicinity and he didn’t want you getting injured, despite the chances of hitting you were low, he wasn’t going to take the chance

★he had strictly told you to stay back and out of sight, making use of the terrain to jump and strike at the core with his polearm whenever the hunter was aiming to him, but he should have known you were stubborn

★the moment you had ran into the fight, arrow pointing to the ruin hunter, the said war machine had immediately turned towards you, all four of its arms aiming missiles towards you

★Xiao had been too slow, and when he had realized it was aiming towards you, you had already been sent back flying after the hit

★your name fell on his lips, his eyes widening in anger when he had seen what the creature had done, and without any hesitance Xiao summons his elemental burst and sends the creature falling to pieces

★“y/n,” Xiao mutters, worried that he would be met with the sight of you dead, “y/n, where are you?”

★you gave a weak groan, unable to raise your head after hitting it on the sharp rocks. Xiao made his way towards you, and the rain started pouting

★Xiao knelt down and cradled your head gently, seeing the gash on your head. you were most likely suffering from a concussion as well from the way you were unable to look at him in the eye, and your hands grabbing your forehead as if it had exploded

★his eyes showing evident worry, and this was the first time he had felt so scared

★he knew he was powerful, and he was beginning to regret even taking you out of the safety of the Inn. this shouldn't have happened, he was with you because he wanted to protect you,

★and here he was being the cause of your injury

★“y/n, can you hear me?” he asked, and when you hissed the moment he placed a gentle hand on your head, he curses lightly, unable to keep himself calm as he always had anymore, “hold on,”

★Xiao had lived for years and had suffered watching deaths and injuries of the people he had been close with since he had became the adeptus of Liyue, but for once, he had felt a different type of hurt when you had been injured this time

★because this was his fault; what if it had happened again?

★he had teleported the two of you back to Wangshuu Inn, and had asked Verr Goldet to help you just because he was afraid of hurting you further

★and she knew more than to question what happened, especially after Xiao had told her with the weakest voice she has ever heard him use, and pleading eyes to take care of you.

★when you had healed completely, you noticed Xiao had distanced himself from you more than when you had both met the first time, and it had worried you to no end

★it had came to a point where he would disappear whenever you tried to search for him at the balcony, and you were getting upset that he was running away from you because of the accident that was caused by your stubbornness; and the fact that you knew Xiao blamed himself had only made you more guilty

★”Xiao,” you gently said, walking outside with a bowl of his favorite almond tofu, “I miss you,”

★he had to contain himself to avoid disappearing on you again after he heard the words. Xiao wasn’t much of an emotional person, but the memories from the accident had left him afraid of getting close to you again, in fear that he would hurt you once more

★but when he had met your glossy eyes and saw the pained expression you held, he knew that it was only going to be worse is he had avoided you

★”y/n-” Xiao started, but you had only dropped the almond tofu and ran into his arms, hugging him tight as if you were afraid to let him go

★and (with reluctance), Xiao had hugged you back, twice as hard

★it would take time for him to get back to his usual self and trust himself to go out and adventure with you again, but for him, you would wait your lifetime.

Albedo

★An experiment going wrong was a part of alchemy. It was something Albedo would expect to happen fifty percent of the time he conducts something for the first time

★He has gotten a handful of injuries from it that he had sometimes forgotten that people outside of the realm of alchemy wouldn't know what it would be like to expect a burn or scars after the first test

★So of course, sometimes even the smartest people could be careless

★Albedo had brought you to his lab in Dragonspine, claiming that he had found a rare plant and wanted to see if it was able to withstand heat

★Putting it in a flask, he had placed it on a test tube holder and your curious eyes had caught sight of the glowing pink tube

★“What’s this?” you stepped closer to inspect the glowing flask, and Albedo wordlessly looks at you with a fond smile. your curious gaze at his work had always made him feel happy; you truly were endearing

★Albedo turns on the burner, and the moment the fire had hit the flask, the substance had instantly exploded, causing you to recoil back and grab at your face when the substance had burned your face

★instantly, Albedo had abandoned his failed test and attended to you, trying to pry your hands away from your face

★“My love, I’m so sorry,” he says gently, trying to see the damage that the explosion has gave you, “please look at me,”

★you felt tears well in your eyes, the burns on your cheeks combining with the coldness of the snow stinging your face

★when Albedo had successfully pried your hands away , he grabbed them gently and looked at you, “we- we need to see the deaconess,” he mutters to himself, feeling his heart ache seeing you holding back tears, never in his life had he regretted conducting an experiment so badly;

★he had wished he was able to take the pain away from you, he absolutely despised seeing you so hurt

★after you had healed, Albedo would make a rule that you weren’t ever allowed in the premises of his laboratory ever again, and that you were banned from joining him whenever he was conducting experiments

★it had hurt you when Albedo had adamantly decided on it, but you knew that it would only hurt him more if you tried to fight him about it

★he was still blaming himself for the incident; despite him knowing that errors were completely common in alchemy

★his greatest fear was hurting you, and if he was given a choice, he would rather have you far away as possible from anything that could lead to potential harm

★(and that especially meant that when the time comes and he loses control and destroys Mond, he hopes you would be far away from him as possible, too)

Bennett

★Bennett knew he was bad luck, he knew that was mostly the reason there wasn't anyone on his team. no one wanted to get hurt and gain nothing on an adventure. no one wanted to bring a bunch of medical supplies for when an accident that was bound to happen, happens

★no one but you

★you were the only member in Bennett’s team; you were a duo. you didn’t wield a vision, but that didn't make Bennett think of you any less, in fact, he thought you were the bravest person ever for being just a feet away from him outside of Mond, and now you were a team member of his

★injuries were common for you. there would always be some sort of scratch or bleeding whenever you went out on an adventure with the pyro vision holder. if there wasn’t a monster encounter, the two of you would accidentally trip and fall into a lake

★but when the latter happens, Bennett would have a fire for the two of you, and settle in an empty (at least, you hope was) hilichurl camp nearby to warm up in

★it was the norm now, and despite Bennett wanting you to just choose another team because he couldn't handle seeing you in pain from his luck, you had always reassured him that the unexpected turns of events because of his luck was just what you had loved about adventure, and you always trusted him to take care of you whenever something like that happened

★but of course, it was only a matter of time until it was Bennett himself who had hurt you

★you were both fighting a cryo abyss mage, the bastard’s protective shield already broken by Bennett’s elemental skill, causing the creature to start crawling on the ground pathetically

★you were sure its health had already decreased a significant amount that one slice could kill it off instantly, and you had wanted to give the final blow

★but Benny seemed to have a different idea

★the moment Bennett had saw you coming, it had been too late for him to stop, because the same moment you had ran towards the abyss mage, he had raised his sword and sliced the creature hard to the point that his sword had accidentally sliced your stomach as well

★thankfully, your clothes were thick enough that the cut hadn’t been deep enough to get stitches, but it still hurt so badly that you had fallen to the floor, clutching your stomach

★“y/n, what happened?!” he asked, too worried to remember that it had been him who did it, “are you okay?!- wait, no, that was a stupid question, let me see,”

★Bennett was an excellent team leader, but sometimes, he could be a little oblivious

★he gently lays you on his lap, taking out supplies from his belt. he had saw a glimpse of red, so he takes out towels to wipe the blood

★he had gently asked if he could lift your shirt, and when you had weakly nodded, he assessed the damage

★and that was when he had saw the burns by your cut

★burns. the abyss mage was a cryo one, and there wasn't any source of fire where you were but him

★Bennett felt his breath hitch, hands holding the towel clenching in fear. what had he done?

★“no, no, no,” he says in slight panic; this was exactly what he was afraid would happen, “no, no, y/n I’m so sorry. I was supposed to protect you,” his voice broke, gently pressing the towel on your wound to soak up the blood, and when he heard you hiss in pain, he felt tears well in his eyes, “I’m so sorry...”

★he knew the cut wasn’t deep, and you were going to be okay, but the mere thought that the fact you couldn't move and were in pain was because of his doing had caused Bennett to be unable to focus

★you were taken to Barbara immediately, Bennett carrying you bridal style the whole way back (he had been silent, while you had tried to start a conversation with lighthearted banter with him, he had only given you a half hearted laugh before focusing on his journey back) and was healed with a simple swish of the deaconess’ hands

★but afterwards, Bennett had started to spend less time outside of Mondstadt, saying that he had preferred to read at the library with you, and that was extremely unlike of him

★you knew it was because he was blaming himself for what had happened, so you had to let him know that you were fine, and that you knew that it was bound to happen anyways

★It would take a lot of reassurance for Benny to agree to even step a foot outside again, but in the end, it would be worth it to see his adventurer spirit once more

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

hi! i love your blog! i was wondering if maybe you could write something where y/n and harry just had their first baby and they finally get some time to themselves and she's a little insecure about their first time after the post partum and nervous about her body or how it gonna feels like? thank uu💖

omg thank you 🥺🥺 I'm so sorry this took so long! i hope you like it :)

a very romantic bath for two

warnings: body insecurity, body image issues

word count: 2.8k

You sighed as you inspected your body in the mirror, running your fingers over the raised lines on your tummy and hips. Many of them were new; they had popped up sometime during your second trimester. At the time, you had been too busy worrying about the new life growing inside you and preparing to bring her home to focus too much on what was happening to your body. Even during the last few weeks of your pregnancy when you felt huge most of the time, Harry made sure to remind you constantly how much he loved you and your new body. He would rub your belly all the time, leaning down to kiss it and talk to your baby. He insisted it would help them develop faster once they were born, but you weren't quite sure where he got this "fact". You both knew he just liked being close to you and your baby.

He really hadn't left any room for you to be insecure during your pregnancy. He reassured you every day that you were more beautiful than ever, and he was always showing you how much he liked your new body. He could never keep his hands off you, always wanting to touch and hold you. It even got annoying at times, but mostly you appreciated it, and you were glad he never let your hormones get the best of you. Then, after Stevie was born, you were too busy and exhausted to even think about your appearance. You and harry were barely getting any sleep, and all of your time was devoted to caring for the newest member of your family. It wasn't until now, when Stevie was a little over 3 months old, that things started calming down a bit. She slept through the night most of the time, and you were finally coming out of that sleep deprived haze you had been in. Unfortunately, this gave you time to really look at yourself in the mirror. You had just gotten out of the shower, and Harry was with Stevie in the living room. You tilted to the side, looking at how much bigger your stomach was than before you had Stevie. The skin there was dimpled and soft, much more squishy than it used to be. And the stretch marks. They were everywhere, and much more prominent than they had ever been. You weren't sure if you would ever be able to get back to normal. Your negative thoughts were interrupted by a short knock on the door. You quickly wrapped a towel around yourself before you called, "You can come in!" Harry peaked his head into the room, smiling softly. "Sorry to bother you, but I'm out of wipes. I think there's another pack under the sink?" "No, it's okay, i was done," you smiled, reaching under the sink to grab the package. "Is she okay?" "She's fine, lovie," he smiled softly. "You don't have to feel bad being away for her for half an hour." "I know," you sighed. "But i still do. I hate not being next to her all the time." "Me too, i just want to hold her and never put her down." You nodded, sighing internally at how much you already missed your baby. "Why don't you finish up in here and then we'll make some lunch?" "Sounds good," you said, smiling at him in the mirror. Once the door was closed, you dropped the towel again. You really tried not to be too upset about how you looked, but it was hard. You knew if you told Harry he would just say the same thing, that it was normal and he thought you were beautiful. You didn't think that would help much. So you pulled on your old t-shirt and sweatpants, running a brush through your wet hair before making your way out to the kitchen. "Hi, baby," you smiled, picking Stevie up from the play mat on the floor. "I missed you." She snuggled against your chest, her head leaning on your shoulder as she let out a content little sigh. You leaned down, grabbing Stevie's rattle and putting it back in the toy box before you made your way into the kitchen. "How does spaghetti sound?" Harry asked. "Sounds good," you nodded, settling into one of the chairs at the dining table. you were about to pull off your shirt to feed Stevie, but the image of your prominent stretch marks made you reconsider. "Can you grab me one of the blankets?" You asked, but kept your eyes on Stevie. You knew if you looked up, you would see that sad and confused look on his face as he wondered why you suddenly wanted to cover yourself around him, and you really didn't feel like explaining your newfound insecurities right now. Thankfully, he didn't press for answers. "Sure, love. It's in the nursery?" You nodded, fiddling with the collar of Stevie's onesie to look busy. "Okay, I'll be right back," He gave a small smile before he left the kitchen. "What am i gonna do, hm?" You asked Stevie. She just blinked in response. Harry came back with the blanket, draping it over your shoulders from the front. "Thank you," you said quietly, adjusting the cover so you could pull your shirt up. "Of course, love," he replied, going back to the stove. "I wanted to ask you something, actually." You

hummed questioningly, eyes fixed on Stevie under the blanket. "Well, we just haven't had any time alone since Stevie was born, and my mum is dying to spend some more time with her, so do you think... I mean, only if it's okay with you, maybe we could have my mum take her for the weekend?" You hesitated, your heart suddenly beating much faster. Being away from Stevie for more than a day... of course you knew she would be safe and happy with Anne, but still... the thought made anxiety spike in your chest. Then there was the matter of being alone with Harry. You probably should feel guilty for not wanting to spend time with him, but with the way you had been feeling about yourself lately, you couldn't bring yourself to care. But you also knew refusing this would cause all sorts of problems. It would make both Harry and Anne feel bad, and you really didn't want to upset anyone. So, taking a shaky breath in, you nodded. "We can do that. I just... i don't think I can do more than a day or two." "That's totally fine," Harry reassured you. "I don't want to be away from her for that long either. I was thinking we could drop her off Friday after lunch, then pick her up Saturday evening. Or sometime Sunday if they're really having a good time," he laughed. "They'll have all sorts of fun together, mum might not want to let her go so soon." You smiled at the thought of the pictures you knew Anne would send you. Stevie and her in the garden, Stevie in the stroller as they went for a walk, Stevie in the high chair while Anne baked cookies. "Okay. After supper we can get her stuff together." Harry beamed, coming over to kiss your forehead. "Thank you, baby. And if it gets to be too much, we can pick her up early. We can do whatever you need, okay?" Despite Harry's constant reassurance, you felt no less anxious the next day. You checked and re-checked Stevie's bag, making sure she had enough clothes to last her a week. "Lovie, she's only gonna be there for two days," Harry reminded you gently. "No, I know, but what if she spits up a lot? Sometimes she spits up a whole bunch and then she'll need to be changed, and what if-" "Hey, hey," he cut you off, placing his hands on your shoulders and speaking in a soothing tone. "It'll be alright. She's gonna be fine. She has enough clothes, and everything is gonna be okay." You nodded, taking a deep breath as you looked into his eyes. "Right. She's gonna be fine."

-----

"And the milk is here-" you held up several plastic bags- "I'll put this in the fridge. And to heat it up- wait, you already know how to heat up milk," you laughed nervously. "Um, and her onesies are all in the backpack. I have extras in there- a lot of extras, because sometimes she spits up a lot. And then her diffuser is in there too- we usually put a few drops of lavender oil in there, it helps her sleep. And diapers and wipes and diaper cream are all in the bag, and... oh! Her stuffed bunny. It helps her calm down if she's fussy. And I think... that should be everything," You exhaled, trying to smile at Anne. Harry put his arm around your waist. "Y/N, she knows how to take care of a baby. Look how well i turned out!" Despite how nervous you were, you managed to laugh. "Right. I'm just... I'm sorry, I've never been away from her." "It's alright," Anne smiled reassuringly. "I understand how scary it is to be away from her for the first time. But you can call or FaceTime, or if it's too much you can come pick her up." "Thank you," you sighed. "We should probably get going before i change my mind." Harry nodded, unbuckling Stevie from her carrier. He hugged her to his chest, kissing the top of her head. "I'll miss you so much," he said. "But you'll have so much fun with your grandma. And we'll see you soon, okay?" he kissed her one more time before handing her over to you. "Be good for your grandma, okay? I love you," you kissed her just like Harry had. "I love you so much." Before you could start crying, you handed her to Anne. "Thank you so much for this, Anne," you said. "We really appreciate it." "You're a godsend," harry agreed. "Thank you." "Of course, I'm happy to have her," Anne smiled. "Now shoo, so i can spend some time with her!"

-----

"It's so quiet," Harry said as you walked into the house. "I'm not used to it." "I know," You laughed. "There's no cartoons or baby shark, it's crazy." "Can't say I miss baby shark, though," he shook his head. "I think we need to find a new song for her." You nodded. "It got old really fast." "It did," he laughed. "And now... we can enjoy some peace... and quiet." He stepped closer to you, smiling as he heard your breath hitch. "I was thinking maybe we could have a bath together?" Your heart started thudding faster in your chest, and not for a good reason. "No," you said quickly. Too quickly. Hurt and confusion flashed across his face, and you immediately wanted to take back your words. "I just- I can't," you said quietly, stepping back. "Is there... did something happen?" he asked gently, eyes softening when he realized how close to tears you were. "What's the matter, love?" "Harry, I just can't," you shook your head as tears welled up in your eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm trying but I just can't get back to normal. I look terrible and I have all these stretch marks and everything is just wrong," you cried, bringing up your hands to cover your face. "Baby..." he whispered, moving closer and opening his arms. "Come here." You did as he asked, walking into his arms and leaning against him as you cried. "I just don't want you to see me," you sniffled. "Your body isn't wrong," he shook his head. "Not at all. It might look different than it did before, but that's because it went through something amazing. It gave us Stevie! It- you are perfect. Alright?" You nodded against his chest. "I just... i really don't like the way i look anymore and i don't think you will either." Since your face was pressed against his shirt, you didn't see the way his face dropped. You didn't see how much it hurt him to hear you talk about yourself this way. You felt him inhale a shaky breath before he hugged you tighter. "I'm so sorry you feel this way. I had no idea how much it was bothering you. I want- I want to show you how much I love you. Will you let me show you?" "How?" you said quietly. "Do you trust me?" You hesitated for only a moment before nodding. He smiled, pulling back and taking your hand. He lead you into your bedroom, closing the door behind the two of you. He crossed the room to stand in front of you again, his fingers gripping the hem of your shirt. "Can i take this off?" he asked quietly, keeping his eyes on yours. He must have sensed your hesitancy, because he dropped his hands down to his sides. "It's just me," he reminded you. "We don't have to if you don't want to, though." "No, it's... it's okay," You decided, raising your arms. He smiled gently, tugging the soft material up and over your head. You kept your eyes on him as soon as the shirt was off your head, too apprehensive to look down at your body. "You're so beautiful," he whispered. He hooked his fingers in the elastic of your sweatpants, looking at you again for confirmation. You nodded, allowing him to pull the rest of the clothing off your body and taking his hand to step out of them. He lead you over to the bed, keeping his eyes on yours the whole way. "Lay back," he instructed quietly, watching as you did what he said. He climbed into the bed behind you, settling himself between your legs to meet your eyes. "You're amazing," he smiled. "The most beautiful woman I've ever seen." he brought his hand down to your stomach, and you cringed immediately when he brushed over one of the marks. "It's okay," he soothed. "There's nothing wrong with these. You know what they are?" You shook your head. "They're little marks that remind us of Stevie. They show how strong you are for carrying her, and keeping her safe until she was ready to come out and meet us. And they show how someday, you'll be able to have another baby, and keep him or her safe just like Stevie. Right? That's all they are." He moved down, leaning his head closer so he could press a soft kiss to one of the marks near your hip. "I don't want you to change anything

about yourself," he said, moving his lips over the lines on your tummy. "I love you just the way you are." Tears were welling up in your eyes again, but this time they weren't from anxiety or fear. This time, they were because you felt overwhelmed by your love for him. "Harry..." He looked up, his face falling when he noticed the tears in your eyes. "No, please don't cry," he said, moving back up to hover over you again. "I'm sorry, please don't be upset," he frowned, wiping one of the tears away with his thumb. You shook your head. "That's not why- i just love you so much," you said, trying your best to smile. "I love you too," he smiled back, leaning down to kiss your forehead, then your nose, then your cheeks, and finally, your lips. "I love you so, so much, and I will show you every day if you'll let me," he sighed, moving off you to lay on his side. He kept one hand on your hip, helping you turn over to look at him. "I want you to tell me if you're ever feeling like this again, okay? I want to know so I can help you." "Okay," you nodded, still sniffling a bit. "Thank you." You leaned against him, tucking your head in his neck. "Thank you." "Of course, lovie." He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head. "I want you to always know how loved you are. It doesn't matter how many times I have to remind you; i don't ever want you to feel like this and not tell me. I love you way too much to let you be this sad." "I will," you promised. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." "it's okay," he soothed, running his hand up and down your back. "Do you think... it's okay if you're not ready yet, but do you think we could try taking a bath?" This time, you barely even hesitated before answering. "I think we can try," you nodded. "We can even turn off the lights if you want, just light a few candles," he mused, his face pressed gently against your hair. "It's more romantic that way anyways." "That sounds good," you laughed. "Come on then," he said, sitting up. "One very romantic bath for two, coming right up."

[autisticandroids]

yknow those episodes where a character's whole personality gets split into 3-5 different distinct separate bodies? what bodies would cas have? I feel like it'd just be a mess tbh, imagine 5 different castiels all of them loving dean to a certain extent but showing it VASTLY differently. one cas would literally want to murder the others lmao

okay so i don’t actually think this trope would be an effective tool for analyzing cas? he’s not conflicted enough in himself. he’s too impulsive, too singleminded, too uninhibited. like, in the end, cas always ends up doing whatever he wants. there aren’t multiple discrete voices vying for control, really, or rather, if there are, one is always significantly stronger than the others. like in the end cas will always end up eating raw meat off the floor, you know? he’ll do what he wants. if i was going to do personality splitting i’d do it to someone intensely internally conflicted, like dean.

however, because i’m in an essay writing mood today, i’ll answer a question slightly to the left of the one you asked. cas may not be internally conflicted, but he is intensely changeable. these two things are related, actually; the same impulsivity and singlemindedness that mean he doesn’t have a ton of internal conflict at any given time mean that different ideas sound good to him at different times, because he isn’t really thinking about, say, what future-him will think of them. and he’s not really trying to maintain an image or identity. he’s just doing what feels right at the time, which is very different at different times and in different situations.

anyway, that in mind, i think a lot about ways to bring together many alternate versions of cas which sort of correspond to different times in the show.

i have a fic in my head about a bunch of cas-es pulled from alternate timelines by some kind of spell. so this would be set during the widower arc because the basic impulse here is to show dean a very bad time. just absolutely put him through hell. also, all the alternate timelines are different because different stuff happened, not because cas made different choices, because if we’re torturing dean it has to be like 5x04, the changes in cas can’t be cas’ fault. they have to be dean’s or just like, the universe’s (which makes them dean’s).

so dean is trying to bring cas back, and he finds some kind of spell that can bring someone “from another world.” and he tries it because hey. can’t hurt to try. anyway i’ve thought a long time about different versions of cas i would put in this and here is what i have. in order of when the timeline split off.

- a cas who never raised dean from hell. think 14x13 “lebanon.” this one i’m not too sure about, like, this could be fun, but i don’t know if it’s different enough from the next one. like this castiel would have lived through the averted apocalypse and subsequent general fuckery that happened as an angelic footsoldier, which would actually be pretty interesting now that i think about it, especially since all that stuff would have gone down soooooooo differently without cas specifically for your average angel footsoldier. like cas has PERSONALLY caused more upheaval in heaven in twelve years of spn than there seems to have been in millennia. so he would be the point of view of a normal footsoldier from a totally other world.

- a cas who died mid season four, and is pulled out of the empty in 2017 by this spell. i’m not sure when this cas died. my thoughts are (1) killed in on the head of a pin by alistair, (2) killed during his torture in the rapture, or (3) simply never resurrected after lucifer rising. (3) makes the most sense, but that cas has already thrown away everything for dean. i prefer the idea of a cas who loves dean, is already on the brink of disobedience for him, but has not yet taken the plunge. both on the head of a pin and the rapture are great places for this, and they both have strengths and weaknesses. if he died in the rapture, he was killed by heaven, which is fundamentally more fun, but he was also really very much over the edge already. if he died in on the head of a pin, he wasn’t killed by heaven, but he is perfectly teetering on the brink of falling for dean. regardless of when he died, the purpose of this cas is to be horrified at all the various and myriad ways he has destroyed and corrupted himself for dean in the other timelines.

- possibly endverse cas, who would have died in 2014, but like s4 cas, would have been pulled from the afterlife by the spell. i’m not so sure on this one. we as a society love endverse cas but i dunno what purpose he would serve. maybe endverse cas didn’t die in 2014, and instead was imprisoned by lucifer, because, you know. he’s the only brother lucifer has left. so he is very excited to see dean alive and well, since his dean is dead, and, not being an angel, cas can’t bring him back. the purpose of this cas would be to horrify dean that cas loves him and needs him so much, and to disgust the other cas-es with his neediness.

- a cas who was in some way on better terms with dean during s6. maybe dean and cas ride off into the sunset together after swan song instead of dean going to live with lisa, maybe dean prayed to cas while he was with lisa because he missed him, who knows. either way, cas has dean’s help with the angel revolution in season six from the start, and never goes to crowley. the plan cas and dean come up with to beat raphael includes breaking into the cage and stealing the grace of michael and lucifer, freeing sam and adam in the process. incidentally, it also involves cas possessing dean, because if cas is gonna eat archangel grace to become more powerful, he’s going to need a stronger vessel. so cas and dean have a whole like. midam situation happening. they’re a double archangel together, and godstiel never happened so none of the other terrible apocalypses that stemmed from that happened, and everything is pretty cool where they’re from, and also they’re obviously uhhhhhh SOME kind of together. the purpose of this cas is to upset dean because this cas shows how much better everything could have been and how much better his and cas’ relationship could have been if dean had simply been more considerate of cas in s6, and also freak dean out with how uh. close. this dean and cas are.

- a godstiel who managed to swallow purgatory without swallowing the leviathans and remained god. he’s probably soooomewhat less scary and murdery than canonverse godstiel because no leviathans, so you know, not as many angel purges or massacres on earth. and he probably went and fixed sam’s wall within about three days because cas is prideful but he does NOT like it when dean is mad at him. so they did kiss and make up, and so this cas would have had dean to act as his morality chain. but he’s still very scary and godstiel. and also he refers to dean as “The Beloved” you know. his purpose is to freak everyone out, because he’s scary, but also, for the past cas-es, because he is a terrifying abomination that they could never imagine becoming, for the future cas-es, because he is a reminder of their worst selves, and for dean, because he is a reminder of how dangerous cas is, but also because he uh. obviously has some feelings about his dean. unclear if they are consummated or not.

- a cas who naomi never rescued from purgatory, and who stayed there. hasn't spoken to another being in half a decade, has not recovered from his emotionally destroyed state in purgatory in s8. believes at first that the spell is his dean rescuing him, and is crushed when he realizes he was wrong. like endverse cas, his purpose is to show dean how much cas needs him and depends on him emotionally, and how he (dean) is capable of destroying cas, as well as his guilt for leaving him in purgatory and how lucky he is that his cas got out. this is especially noteworthy since the guilt for leaving cas in purgatory is part of the reason dean is trying to get cas back.

- a cas who stayed human after season nine, and has built himself a small human life over the next four years. he has a job and an apartment and friends outside the winchesters and yes, he still goes hunting after work sometimes, and he's still in contact with dean, but he is also independent in a way no other version of cas has ever been. he exists to freak out dean because dean has never seen cas independent of him. he is also fairly bitter at dean since dean did kind of stop spending time with him when he was no longer useful, and our dean feels guilty for that.

- a cas who showed up twenty minutes later in 10x03, finding sam dead and dean gone, and had to chase down demon dean, and has now spent three years following demon dean around as his tragically adoring stalker, because he hasn't found a way to resurrect sam yet and he doesn't want to put dean through the demon cure until he can save sam because he doesn't want dean to experience that guilt, but he also adores dean and wants to keep an eye on him and keep him safe and also keep him from doing anything too heinous, so he just covertly follows him around the country and watches from a distance as he commits various murders and fucks his way through every local bar scene. and occasionally cas finds dean something to kill, when the mark gets hungry, and drops it in his path. his purpose is to freak dean out with the lengths cas would go for him, and the depths cas would sink to.

anyway. lebanon cas and season four cas are horrified and perhaps disgusted (lebanon cas more than s4 cas) by ALL of the later cas-es, and how far they’re fallen, all of it for dean. godstiel and archangel cas being abominations, endverse cas and s9 cas being fallen, even purgatory cas and demon dean’s cas for their total dependence on dean.

purgatory cas and endverse cas are just happy to see a dean, even if it’s not their dean. demon dean’s cas, too, in a way. he’s happy to see a dean who is still human, who he can still have as a friend.

human cas is pissed to see that he was right, that dean would have stuck by him if he’d still had his powers, that this version of dean is doing spells to try and bring his cas, who is still an angel, back, whereas he and his dean only see each other once every couple months.

everyone is terrified and disgusted by godstiel, as i said before.

they’re mostly kind of thrown by archangel cas. a lot of them are jealous. godstiel is furious because how dare anyone, even an alternate version of himself, take dean as a vessel (even if dean likes it). godstiel isn’t really there, though, he resisted the summoning and just sort of popped his head through to see what was going on, and he goes back to his own reality pretty fast without murdering anyone.

also to be clear dean has not at this point examined or acknowledged any feelings he may have about his cas besides “friendship,” nor has he wondered what feelings his cas may have for him. given how many of the cas-es were clearly in some kind of relationship with their dean (endverse cas, archangel cas) or just openly in love with their dean (godstiel, purgatory cas, demon dean’s cas), dean is forced to reevaluate the nature of his and cas’ relationship.

[vnderoos]

better than butterbeer ✷ cedric diggory

(gif is not mine, credit to the owner) warnings / language(?), a barely steamy scene at the end word count / 2.8k

masterlist in bio ↴

THE CORRIDOR WAS FILLED with students, all of them rushing every which way as they all transitioned from one class to another. "Watch where you're walking, you bloody—" Y/N started to snap when she slammed straight into the chest of another student, but she cut herself off when she looked up and her eyes met the beautiful grey's of Cedric Diggory. Her stomach did a backflip and her cheeks immediately flushed red at her previous words. She cursed her quick tongue silently. "I'm sorry, Diggory, I thought you'd be someone else," she told him, feeling guilty for trying to bite his head off.

Cedric, on the other hand, was quick to shake his head and flash her a toothy smile. "No problem, Y/N/N, just read this, will you? I've got to get to class," he hummed, holding a folded note out to her, and she took it in her hands softly. She didn't have time to ask him questions about it—in fact, she didn't have time to say anything else at all—before he patted her once on the arm and stepped around her.

She cast a quick glance over her shoulder, watching as he disappeared into the flood of other students, and she looked back down at the piece of parchment between her fingers with furrowed brows. She felt a little uneasy thinking about what was on it as she started towards her own next class, as Cedric normally tended to speak with her in person and not through exchanging notes, but she was curious about it nonetheless. She thumbed it open delicately and her eyes flickered over the paper.

Come to the Great Lake after your classes. I want to show you something. — From: Ced :)

Y/N couldn't help but grin down at his message after she'd read it, tracing his smiley face with her thumbnail. This wasn't the first time that Cedric had wanted to show her something. He'd taken her on handfuls of spontaneous trips, actually—like the time he brought her to a field outside of the castle grounds to see a bunch of light blue wildflowers, or when he snuck her up to the Astronomy Tower after curfew just so he could point out the constellations with her—and she couldn't help but feel excited that he'd thought of something else.

She folded his note back up and tucked it neatly into one of the pockets of her leather bag, for safe keeping, of course.

—

Y/N's classes hadn't seemed to end quick enough that day as she'd sat through the rest of her lectures with Cedric's message pinging around in her head the whole time. All she could think about was what he wanted to show her at the Great Lake that she hadn't already seen before. It was just a lake—filled with nasty little Grindylows and a giant squid, sure—but it was just a lake nonetheless. At one point during her day, her head had been so clouded with possibilities that McGonagall had even gotten onto her for neglecting to write any notes for the entire first half of the class.

Miss Y/L/N, I do hope you realize that daydreaming all class won't help you pass your OWLs. Plus, I'm sure your parents didn't buy you such a pretty quill for you to tap it against your chin all year, she'd said. The red that had tinged Y/N's cheeks after that had been brighter than Ron Weasley's hair, especially since almost every head in the class had spun to face her.

All of that had been forgotten, though, as she hurried down the dirt pathway to the Great Lake, her hair and her leather bag bouncing as she ran downhill. The path soon faded into the rest of the grass, and as she neared the lake, she spotted a figure laying in a patch of sun on the grassy slope that led down to the bank. She recognized the familiar mess of his brown hair and his Hufflepuff robe and she was quick to identify him. One of Cedric's knees were bent, keeping him laying steady on the slant of the ground, and the other was extended out in front of him.

He was looking up at the sky when she walked up behind him, a small smile tugging at her lips at how concentrated he looked. "Hey, Diggory," she called from a few feet away, with a playful lilt in her voice and her green robes swaying with the gentle breeze.

At her greeting, Cedric pushed himself into a sitting position and he turned to smile at her over his shoulder. His cheeks were dusted pink from the slight nip in the air and it was all she could do to notice how good he looked in that moment, especially with the warm light of the sun rays shining behind him. She'd always found herself captivated by him, though, as most girls did. He really was a good-looking boy, but something inside of her always made her feel like it was better that she kept that to herself.

"Hey, Y/N."

Y/N flashed him a light smile in return, choosing to ignore the way that her stomach swirled when her name left his lips. "You know, we could've gone to get butterbeer instead," she told him as she made her way towards him, setting her bag next to his in the grass, and he shook his head softly.

"I wanted to show you something, though, remember?" he told her and she nodded once. How could she forget it when it was all that she'd been thinking about since she bumped into him in the corridor? He patted the space beside him in the grass. "Lay next to me," he instructed and she waited until he moved his hand away to take her seat, lowering herself down onto the ground.

She folded her hands over her chest and Cedric rested his over his stomach as they looked up at the sky. Nothing about it looked out of the ordinary or particularly interesting to her. "So, what'd you wanna show me?" she questioned, curiosity prickling under her skin as she studied the familiar, blue sky and the same, white clouds for something new.

Cedric let out a breath of amusement, a smile breaking out onto his lips, at her eagerness. She was always like this when he took her to see these sorts of things—impatient and overly excited—but he blamed himself for that in part. He loved a good buildup. "Just wait a bit and you'll see," he promised, tapping his thumbs against his stomach, and she nodded. The two of them fell into a comfortable silence as they laid still in the grass until the sun started to set. As the sun went down, it painted the sky with so many pretty colors—shades of pink, orange, and yellow streaking between the clouds. Since they were sitting on the side of the lake, with no trees looming over their heads, the view was beautifully unobstructed, too. "This," Cedric said, grinning up at the sight. "This is what I wanted to show you."

When she'd come to meet him, she hadn't known what to expect, but it certainly wasn't this. She'd heard from Fred and George a long while ago that on particularly sunny days, the giant squid would bask in the shallows of the water for warmth, so the thought of that being Cedric's surprise crossed her mind once, but she hadn't even considered such a spectacular sunset.

"This is beautiful." Her voice was a breathless whisper as the sight had left her in awe. She found herself lifting one of her hands up to the sky, pointing her finger at a specific place where the sunlight looked like trickling gold behind the clouds. It was so vivid that part of her thought she might be able to coat her fingers in it if she reached out far enough. "That's my favorite part. It's so pretty, isn't it?" she asked him and she could see his hand enter her field of vision as he pointed up at the same, molten cloud.

"That one?" he asked and the side of his hand grazed her own in the close proximity. His skin left tingles against her own that shot all the way down to her elbow, and she looked over at him with newly flushed cheeks. She nodded her head. She had noticed when she walked up that Cedric looked nice that day, with a bit of color in his skin from the cold, but only then, while they were laying face-to-face, did she realize how handsome he really looked. His walnut hair spilled into the grass and a little over his forehead, some of the strands sleek with the reflection of the sunlight. His skin looked so warm beneath the orange lighting that the sun cast across him and she could see patterns in his irises when her eyes came to meet his. Her breath hitched in her throat when his full lips parted before he spoke. "It is pretty," he muttered with his eyes never veering from her own and she could barely hear him over the drumming of her heart in her chest.

It was like time seemed to stand still in that moment as the fingers on their hands, both still suspended in the air, fell relaxed. She saw his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed thickly, moving the back of his hand to graze over her own softly. She sucked in a breath and his knuckles rustled over hers, before he began to trail them down her arm slowly.

Cedric's eyes were locked on hers the whole time he did it, like he was looking for a sign that she didn't want this, but she was frozen still. His touch left goosebumps in its wake as it travelled the length of her arm and she shuddered.

When his hand reached Y/N's face, he hooked his forefinger beneath her chin and swiped his thumb over her bottom lip. She couldn't stop herself from grabbing his wrist lightly and pressing a kiss to the pad of his thumb. He blinked once and his tongue darted between his lips, running itself over them as he watched her. She managed a small smile at him, and she folded his hand into a fist, peppering a kiss to each of his knuckles.

"Diggory?" she asked and he hummed curiously. "I've got something to tell you," she whispered against his skin. His eyebrows lifted, as if to encourage her, and she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath before she opened them again and she gave his hand a squeeze. "It's been on my mind for a while, but I think I really like you," confessed Y/N, her voice as quiet as ever. "I realize that we're friends and it's probably stupid of me to even think of you like that, because it might ruin everything, but—"

Y/N stopped talking when Cedric leaned in to kiss her. His lips planted a soft peck against her own, leaving the sweet taste of caramel and her heart pattering after they'd gone. "I really like you, too," he responded with a grin.

She could feel her cheeks flaring, probably just as pink as the setting sun, and she smiled softly. "Oh." Her heart was thundering in her ears and her stomach was swarming with butterflies at his similar confession. She never would've thought that her sly, Slytherin heart would beat so quickly for a happy, Hufflepuff boy, but she'd be damned before she ever found herself complaining. "That— That's nice," she stuttered out, still in a state of disbelief, and his honeyed laugh filled her ears.

Cedric, whose hand was still in her clutches, pulled her hands over to his own lips and he kissed the back of her hand. "'Nice'?" he repeated. "Just 'nice'?" he asked again, his voice obviously teasing, but her face was on fire nonetheless.

She shot him a look of mock annoyance—the smile tugging on her lips giving her away—because he'd always known but how to get under her skin. "Shut up, you know you make me nervous, you prick," she told him and another laugh spilled from his lips, but it didn't last long that time because he caught her staring at his lips. His laughter died down as her eyes moved back to meet his, her hands falling from his own. With the thought now in his head, his eyes flickered to her mouth, only for a second, and she reached out to grab one of the sides of his robe. She ran her thumb over the fabric nervously, shifting her eyes to her fingers and back up to his again. "Would you... Would you kiss me again, Diggory?" she questioned, clearing her throat, and a smirk crossed onto his lips at the question. He was quite cocky then, and part of her hated it, but the other part of her thought it was the hottest thing.

"Diggory? Really?" he muttered, pretending to ignore her question as he plucked at a piece of grass between them, and she sighed in frustration, still playing nervously with his robe. "I thought for sure you'd use my first name by now," he teased and she rolled her eyes.

"Is that what you want?" she asked.

"I don't think I've ever wanted anything more," he joked, touching a hand to his chest and tightening it into a fist to make it seem like it wasn't all just a ploy to tease her—which it was.

"Fine," she hummed. "Would you kiss me again, Cedric?" she repeated her question and his name fell from her lips like a whisper, the cockiness on his face falling clean off after it did. She could see a flicker of something pass in his eyes and she furrowed her brows. "What?" she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I think I might like it when you call me Cedric," he said with a small smile on his lips, and before she could answer, he propped himself up on his elbow. He reached out to cup one of her cheeks softly in his hands, leaning down to press his lips against hers.

The kiss started out slow and sweet, just two longing mouths melding into one quiet moment, but the second that Y/N sighed against his lips, the mood shifted. Cedric's hand slid from her cheek and he knotted his fingers in the locks of her hair, pulling her mouth roughly against his by the back of her neck, and he poured more passion into the kiss. Her fingers were still clasped around the sides of his robe and she pulled his body closer to her own.

Cedric's balance teetered at her actions and he grunted against her mouth, his hand leaving her hair and slamming down on the other side of her. His lips broke from hers at the quick motion and their eyes met for a second. His pupils were dark as he looked down at her, his chest heaving, and they only stayed apart long enough for him to slot one of his legs between hers. His lips attached themselves to hers once more and her hands let go of his robe, sliding up the muscles on his chest and coming to tangle themselves in his hair. He lowered himself down closer to her body, using his hands to keep himself hovered over her, and his tongue swiped against her bottom lip in his next kiss.

From then on, the two were a mess of lips and tongue, and they'd even cracked teeth at once on accident, but when they'd gotten their fix, Cedric pulled away. The two were both red, and not just from the cold anymore, and they were panting like dogs. Cedric started to laugh softly, pulling his arm up from the other side of her and falling back onto his side as she joined in. "I take back what I said earlier." She lifted a hand to wipe the saliva off of her swollen mouth and she pushed herself up onto her own elbow. "This was way better than butterbeer," she hummed.

Cedric chuckled and he threw his head back. "You're telling me," he agreed. When he let himself fall back into the grass again, Y/N did the same and he set his hand, palm-down, in between them. She tucked her hand beneath his and intertwined their fingers, sending him a soft smile.

For the rest of the sunset, she stared contentedly up at the sky, sneaking glances at the beauty laying beside her, but for him, it was the other way around.

He found her far more stunning.

↴

taglist / @pvintbreak​ @umpoedameron​ @h4ppydancing​

[obeymeluv]

You Steal the Boys’ Clothes

Something I’ve been thinking of for a while.

Lucifer

It was rare the eldest was without his cape, as everything seemed to be a formal event and he must be dressed to impress. Being dressed to impress, however, means being clean so he gets it cleaned from time to time

Lucifer is a very organized, practical man. Constantly towing the line of obsessive for the sake of orderliness.

He knows where his cape should be, and that it’s not there

With a demon’s-only screech that warns Mammon to stretch his calves and run, Lucifer hunts down the three most likely suspects to interrogate them (Mammon, Satan, and Belphegor).

He tries to get a two-for-one by dragging Mammon into the study where Satan sits smugly with a book (because he knows he didn’t do it but MAN is he enjoying this!)

Imagine surprising not one, but THREE demons when you come shuffling down the hall with a Lucifer’s cape wrapped around you like a blanket.

It whispers and it drags and it absolutely DROWNS you.

Very charming. Ethereal, almost like some sort of wedding wear

Lucifer would’ve never imagined you’d be the culprit, and now his poor brain is trying to save and process the idea of you looking so sleepy-happy in his clothes

And the ex-angel falls all over again.

He catches the little cheek nuzzle and way you bunch it around your body, a foot poking out not to get tangled

Satan and Mammon will probably die laughing instead of at his hands, but Lucifer could really care less

Lucifer idly wonders where you’d curled up that he totally missed you, and escorts you gently but red-faced to your room

Satan and Mammon tag along, and when they see Lucifer come out with his cape they can only deduce he put you to bed.

Mammon

With no homework to do and some money in the bank, Mammon was ready to spend the weekend tearing up the town with you!

He was fresh out of the shower and mostly dressed, searching feverishly for his beloved white and brown jacket

Mammon wasn’t the cleanest person by nature (hello, money hoarder and collector of interesting/valuable things) so he tidied up as he went

As he started to suspect one of his little brothers was holding the jacket for ransom, he sent out a group text asking about it

There were several typical smart-ass responses (Lucifer, Asmo, and Satan) and he was in the middle of a snark fight when you showed up at his door somewhere between bashful and chill

In HIS jacket

Mammon’s brain shuts down.

HIS baby in HIS jacket? HELL YEAH! OH GOD, IT’S TOO PERFECT!

FIEND, TAKING HIS HEART!

“It’s kind of a human thing,” you explain. “There is a one-jacket fee among couples. Usually it’s a hoodie.” you tease, reluctant to shrug it off, “But this seems to be your only jacket so I guess I could give it back.”

It’s very subtle, but he’s worn that jacket for centuries and no amount of detergent can disguise the scent that makes his heart skip a beat

Something about the smell of your skin and a hint of his has him purring

You hold the jacket out to him. Mammon wraps his fingers around it and swings it around until he’s holding it over one shoulder

The yellow takes over in his eyes a little more. Gets a little brighter and intense.

“You want to take anything else off?” he husks playfully

Your day out turns into staying in and Mammon is happy to trade his jacket for a shirt you can sleep in (like, forever. It’s fine. Whatever, dummy.)

Leviathan

It was actually really hard to steal Levi’s clothes because he lived in his hoodie and turtleneck. His RAD uniform was really just for show and that wasn’t what you were looking for, anyways. You didn’t want to chill in uniform.

He was very particular about his merch because certain shirts were collector’s items and he didn’t like people messing with his folding patterns

You went to Asmo with your dilemma and he found it absolutely ADORABLE. It was almost enough to make him jealous, really

Somehow (Asmo being Asmo?), the fifth- born was able to swipe one of the green button-ups Levi wore under his RAD uniform

His first thought was to alter the garment to make it fit you (matching outfits? YES!) but Levi would probably kill him. His big bro hated shopping for clothes unless he HAD to have them.

Asmo gets the bright idea to magically/temporarily alter the fabric to fit you. Maybe Levi will like it so much he’ll just give you a shirt! 💖 (Or get some fucking outside time and go buy more shirts!)

Levi catches his own scent somewhere outside of the door and his brain goes off. He hits the pause button at lightning speed.

No one else smells like him! They haven’t shared bath products in centuries! He already finished his laundry so what’s happening?!

His first thought is: Mammon broke into my room while I was in the bathroom and stole something to pawn!

Levi doesn’t even think to take inventory of his stuff, barging out of his room to hunt down his big brother

He’s yelling and whining before he even sees him. Then he sees you. In his shirt.

All the angry words die in his throat as the absolute mortification and adoration sets his face on fire

SO KAWAII! It basically makes up for your normie-ness.

Levi’s stuck standing there, blushing his head off and unable to say anything as his fists shake with joy and nervousness

He gets a nosebleed. One of his brothers are laughing at him.

You guide him back to his room to take care of him, Levi lets you and becomes very fascinated with the idea of you in his clothes .Lots of petting and figuring out you look DOUBLY MEGA CUTE when the magic wears off and you’re just in a pool of fabric.

He’s totally down for matching clothes and definitely lets you keep the one you’re wearing.

Satan

His wardrobe is very...interesting...to say the least

Colors and personal combinations aside, Satan actually has a very smart wardrobe. Lots of basics and easy layers.

You can’t steal his signature green sweater or the blazer he seems to live in, so you settle for an emerald knit sweater that has a bit of a v-neck/university feel to it

It takes Satan a while to notice, as he’s buried in a book. You two tend to gravitate towards each other and just enjoy a cozy, companionable silence

He’s just finished a book and is debating cracking open one from the stack to his left when the color catches his eye

The smooth, sly comment dies on his lips when he realizes he likes the damn thing because IT’S HIS

You look very cozy and warm. It’s a very ‘cuddle me’ kind of look.

Perhaps you could warm his lap? Or give his poor hands a rest under the hem?

Very cheeky and clever. Grabs you by the sleeve of it just to ‘answer his curiosity about whether it matched his nails’.

Does he have a cute university student kink? If he didn’t, he does now?

There’s a 50-50 chance of you guys having sex.

Will definitely want to hold you and cuddle you close, petting the fabric and whispering compliments into it.

If you don’t already have a business/academic attire, Satan will definitely suggest a few pieces because YES. This is a thing he loves and it DOES things to him.

Asmodeus

He’s the type to let you think you stole something

Probably stages what he wants you to steal just so you take it

Honestly, I could just see him dumping some of his clothes on you because you’re dating now and this is a cute thing he read about!

It’s super likely he’s into couple outfits or coordinating outfits, so he’s either spent time in his closet pre-planning or asked you to try on a million things just because

This cutie pie purposely orders THE BIGGEST thing he can find so you can both fit in it at the same time

Asmo loves you to pieces no matter what, but seeing you in his clothes makes him squeal and hit a note Mammon has threatened to murder him over

Ever dramatic, this is like, THE BEST THING EVER

A MILLION Devilgram posts about it (safe ones, of course)

Do you guys spark a couple’s trend and spade of lover’s stealing each other’s clothes to snap a victory pic? Maybe

Probably fake faints at the sheer glory of you in HIS bomb ass clothes. Definitely fans himself

Spoils you rotten with compliments

This man is weak. “Gorgeous! Smother me.” as he falls back on the bed and gestures to his face

He won’t turn down the idea of sexy times (depends on your libido, comfort, etc.) but sometimes he makes raunchy jokes just to be funny. Smothering could also mean using him like a body pillow (which he’s totally okay with).

You get max cuddles and WILL be the envy of Devilgram

Beelzebub

Beel felt a little guilty for leaving you at the House of Lamentation with his brothers

You guys were supposed to hang out after school but there was an emergency practice. The coach always got pre-game jitters and demanded a few last runs. He showered and ran back to the House, hoping you still had time for him.

He tiptoed quietly into his shared room, unsurprised to find you waiting there for him. You’d been caught in Belphie’s sleepy little aura by the looks of it,

Beelzebub couldn’t help the grin or little hum that made it past his lips. Your eyes were open but he didn’t know if you actually saw him. You looked super cute in his humongous bed though

You were getting sleepier and sleepier, your eyelids getting heavier and heavier. Beel pulled the sheets over you and gentle untangled the arm you managed to latch on to

Maybe waking up to a bit of food would make up for everything! Beel toiled away in the kitchen, making a cute little snack tray for the two of you.

In reality, it could probably feed at least twenty, and he ate at least half of what he prepped.

Beel returned to the room with what he considered a decent amount (scraps, kind of, but enough variety! He tried! It’s the thought that counts!) and was surprised to see his sheets all tangled and half-kicked from the bed

You were wearing his jacket now, passed out and turned into the furry lining that usually went across his shoulders and neck

DId you sleep walk? He was trying to understand how you’d gotten into his jacket

Beel realized it was the first time you’d been in his clothes and it was enough to make his heart melt

Super huge on you, obviously (extra fabric everywhere), but so cute! He could basically swaddle you in his jacket

“They’re a restless sleeper,” Belphie yawned. “I thought it would help them calm down.”

It used to work on Belphie, so Beel could see why he resorted to it

Beel offered his twin some food, sitting carefully on your other side.

He shifted some of the parka fur away from your face, trying to fix your hair and nudge your chin up so your nose wasn’t buried in anything. He stroked your cheek a little, mesmerized by the sight of you and how you felt.

Belphie declined, muttering something about, ‘Stop looking like that and eat your food! Gross!’ before Beel settled for patting your head one last time and eating quietly

Belphegor

He’s another one that’s hard to steal from

You’d think it’d be easy since he sleeps all the time, but Belphie really only wears 10% of the clothes he buys

Yes, he’s a pajama snob and has all things comfy and cozy, but hardly any of them smell like him because he falls asleep anywhere with little issue (no special clothes required!)

You thought about stealing his blue cardigan with the pocket, but he’s always sleeping in it!

Belphie picks up on your train of thought, and the frustration, because you fall asleep thinking about it. Dreaming about coyly stealing his cardigan and being all cute and snuggly in bed

It’s enough to wake him up, shuffle to you, and break your sleep. He flops down on your bed with his cardigan unbuttoned and says ‘climb on’ while patting his chest

You’re obviously sleepy and confused and he loves it. Belphie slides you onto his chest and wraps his arms around you, resting bits of the fabric on your back as you settle into him

It’s not the same but it’s close enough

Would you be offended if he got you cow pajamas so he could snuggle you like his favorite pillow? He falls asleep wondering about the answer

He wakes up to see that Beel has covered the two of you with his favorite blanket.

You in his blanket? Against him? Slowly smelling of him and his clothes? It’s the best thing to fall asleep to.

Makes a joke out of your clothes-stealing quest by stripping one of his pillowcases off and putting you in it like a little sack. You have to stay on his bed now because you’re his pillow and all pillows stay on the bed.

“What? You wanted to smell like me! It’s something I use!“ Belphie defends as you wonder whether or not you like this human pillow thing while he snuggles you.

[snackleggg]

City of splintering hopes: Chapter 1 "Frosty conversations"

~~~

Ao3

~~~

Frostbite quickly seemed to realise what he had said and stopped talking, immediately dropping his usually happy attitude. Danny was still processing what he had said.

"Hey Frosty?" Danny asked during one of his semi-regular visits to the Far Frozen.

"Yes Great One?" Frostbite replied as he finished up checking that Danny had fully recovered from a terrible case of the ghost flu he had caught a few days ago.

"You and the other Yetis seem to know alot about my hybrid physiology when I don't even know that. How come?" Danny asked. It was an innocent enough question. Jazz had pointed it out just before he left for his visit and he hadn't been able to shake it from his mind since.

"Well, of course!" Frostbite said with a boisterous laugh "You think you are the only Halfa to have ever allied with our tribe? We have always been friends to your kind Great One!" Frostbite said back with a carefree kind of happiness before he realized what he had just accidentally spilled.

Now they stood there in heavy silence as Danny processed the meaning behind Frostbite's words.

"Other Halfas!?" Danny all but screeched as he nearly fell from where he was sitting with the realisation of what Frostbite said.

Frostbite looked uncomfortable to say the least. He seemed to look around at anything but Danny as he replied "Y-Yes of course! You didn't think you and those two others were the only ones of your kind." Suddenly Frostbite looked Danny in the eye with concern "Did you Great One?"

Danny couldn't reply.

By the heavy look Frostbite was giving him it seemed like there was something deeper to this subject than he was realising. Danny just shook his head.

"Mmm no, the only other Halfas I've ever met were Dani and Vlad" Danny said matter-of-factly. By the look Frostbite was giving him it was obvious he was missing something, some unspoken fact that hung in the air just out of his reach.

Frostbite suddenly broke from his gaze as he huffed while looking to the side "That Plasmius should be ashamed of himself to even dare call himself a Halfa. He may be there biologically but none of his actions reflect on your people" Frostbite said with a tone of bitterness, a tone that was slightly sharper than the bitterness he usually talked with when talking about Vlad.

"Yeah, totally agree, 100% but back to the topic at hand I have a people!?" Danny's brain was trying to understand this new revelation. In a way it answered alot of questions that he had never really thought about. How were the ghosts able to tell he wasn't a full ghost. Why had Pointdexter known to call him a Halfa as if it was a common term. Why ghosts just didn't seem all that surprised about the existence of some weird hybrid. Of course Vlad could've had a part in that but Vlad was always too busy in his cheese castle plotting revenge to really interact with many ghosts outside of hiring them to do his dirty work.

But it also brought up a while slew of new questions. Where had these other Halfas come from? Definitely couldn't be another lab accident caused by his parents. Why wasn't there any information about the existence of ghost human hybrids on earth if there were enough Halfas around to be considered a people, a kind, not just an anomaly that repeated a few times but by the sounds of it some sort of society? And most importantly, where were they!? Danny had never ran into anyone like himself apart from Vlad and Dani.

He looked at Frostbite, trying to pick which question was the most important to ask first. It seemed Frostbite was blissfully unaware of his internal struggle as he just went on.

"Well yes Great One. The Halfas were a strong and prosperous people.... I suppose there isn't really a way for you to know that but I am surprised this is the first you are hearing about this" Frostbite said awkwardly.

Danny probably looked like a fish with how much he was opening and closing his mouth without a word coming out. Finally he managed to say something past his shock.

" 'were'?" Danny asked, his hopes at meeting someone like him suddenly beginning to die.

Frostbite just nodded, avoiding looking at him again as a sorrowful look came upon his face "Yes, Pariah Dark" Frostbite said the name like it was something foul and Danny was inclined to agree "wiped them all out when he sensed they would be a threat to his throne"

Danny almost snorted at that.

Pariah Dark sounded like a character in a tragedy or a myth in that context. In trying to stop Halfas from dethroning him he was indirectly responsible for a Halfa dethroning him. Okay maybe not responsible, Danny would've done it whether the race of people had still been around or not but still the irony was there. So was the karma.

Then he focused on the more depressing part of what Frostbite had said.

"Oh" so there really wasn't anyone else. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up.

"But!" Frostbite said, a little bit of a cheer coming back to him "the ruins of their old city still stands! Maybe, if you are interested in knowing more, you could visit them? Of course everyone here in the Far Frozen would be more than happy to recount stories of other Halfas to you Great One but our knowledge is limited. Even with our friendship with them, they were always a secretive bunch" Frostbite explained.

Danny didn't really know what to think of the offer. It wouldn't be the same as actually talking to another Halfa but it would still be something, right?

"I'll... think about it" Danny said.

He had gone through too many revelations in too short a time span and he really just wanted to crawl into bed and take a nice long nap, which he could do since it was the weekend.

"Of course Great One. It is entirely up to you what you do" Frostbite said with a smile.

The rest of the visit seemed to fly by but the conversation he had with Frostbite was stuck at the back of his head. He kept on wondering about the other Halfas.

Were they nice? What kind of society did they have? Had they ever been to Earth or did they live exclusively in the Ghost Zone? Why were they as secretive as Frostbite said? Even to their own allies? Why had Pariah felt so threatened by them? Were they really that powerful? What will I find if I go to these ruins?

Even after he left to go back home the thoughts of a people just like him, a people long gone, lingered in his mind.

He was distracted.

He knew Frostbite and the other Yetis had noticed it even if they didn't comment on it but Jazz was alot more proactive about these sort of things. She noticed the far away look Danny had as they were eating dinner and afterwards pulled him off to the side as their parents went back down to work in the lab.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Nothing" Danny mumbled. He didn't know if Jazz would understand his dilemma. Sure he was born human but thinking about the possibility of other Halfas, even if he hadn't been born one, it made his core clench with a need to learn more, to find them

"It's obviously not nothing, you've been distracted ever since you came back from visiting the Far Frozen. What happened?" Jazz asked.

Danny couldn't meet her gaze. He didn't know how to fraze it, to tell her about all the spiraling thoughts in his head, the confusing feelings in his core.

"Danny" Jazz said seriously.

Finally Danny caved and told her about the conversation he had with Frostbite about other Halfas. He told her about his feelings and thoughts on the matter. It was like the dam that had been filling for the last few hours had broken and suddenly Danny was exasperated as he finished recounting everything.

"Other Halfas...." Jazz said thoughtfully.

Danny nodded. For some reason he felt guilty, he felt like he was betraying his family by trying to explore this part of himself.

Jazz, thank the ancients for the observation skills she definitely didn't get from their parents, noticed Danny's dip in mood and quickly went to comfort him.

"Hey, you shouldn't feel bad about this. It makes sense you'd want to find and learn about people who might've gone through similar struggles" Jazz said as she put her hand on Danny's shoulder, a grounding gesture which he was silently thankful for.

"But I feel bad about how if I do learn about this then I'll be keeping more secrets from mom and dad. I already feel terrible lying to them about The accident" Danny shrunk into himself. It's not that he wanted to keep lying to his parents but the perpetual fear of them not accepting him hung over his head heavily and he feared now that if he tried to explore and learn about these people who were like him it would only give his parents more reason to distance him from the family if they found out.

"Danny, look at me" Jazz urged and Danny barely managed to meet her gaze. It was determined and honest, an immovable rock he needed in the swirling river that was his thoughts.

"You don't have to go there if you don't want to but you shouldn't jump to the conclusion that it will only make everything worse. Think about it but don't forget that just as many good things could come from this as bad things" Jazz said and Danny nodded along. That made sense.

"Yeah. I guess the concept just kinda overwhelmed me" Danny said and suddenly he felt emotionally drained all over again.

"Go on, get some rest. Sleep on it but there really isn't a time limit" Jazz encouraged and she was right but Danny felt like if he did want to go then it might be better to do it sooner rather than later.

He crashed onto his bed not really knowing what to think. A few hours ago he was excited by the prospect but now he dreaded what he might find at those ruins, what secrets the Halfas kept hidden away even from those closest to them.

Danny almost laughed at the parallels as he thought about his own secretive situation with his parents. He was in no place to preemptively judge.

Finally he went to sleep.

Dreaming of a lullaby he never heard and a city of people he would never meet.

~~~

First | Previous | Next

~~~

I'll be tagging all content do to with this story with the tag City of splintering hopes so if guys want to you can follow the story easier. You can also use that tag for any questions or content you guys make of the story!

Hope you all like this first chapter!

[triggerhappyimagines]

How about the V3 boys, (the ones who died) with a s/o whos the Ultimate Spirit Medium/Necromancer and they call the spirit of the dead character? I just wanna see some scenarios/hc's of that, if u could do it that'd be gr8! If not thats okay, i understand ^^

hey everyone, long time no see! sorry for sort of vanishing for a while, i’ve been super busy with school and my job and kind of lost interest in danganronpa for a little bit,,,, but i’m back and i’m gonna try my best to get through the requests in our inbox and maybe even try and finish a few more of the october prompts (if you guys would still be interested in seeing those!!).

anyways, sorry for the long wait on your request, anon! this was one i had started a few months ago back when i was writing regularly and i finally buckled down and finished it!! i decided to do all the v3 boys (except kiibo because uhhh hes a robot) instead of just the ones who died in canon to avoid spoilers for anyone who hasn’t finished the game yet!! i apologize if some of these seem repetitive i sorta started running out of ideas by the end lmao. i hope you enjoy, anon!

warnings: mentions of death/dying (obviously), general angst

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

Shuichi Saihara

— to say the least, Shuichi is a little shaken up now that he’s gone and you’re... well, not.

— he always told you he’d stay by your side forever, and he feels guilty. he feels like he broke a promise

— but... you talk to him again that first night. you say his name and look straight at him. can you see him? no, it couldn’t be... right?

— of course, once he puts all the pieces together, it all makes sense

— you’re the ultimate spirit medium, for goodness sakes! of course you can see him and speak to him the same way you would any other living person

— after a while, Shuichi stops feeling so guilty for leaving you. partially because it doesn’t feel quite like he’s abandoned you, and also because you reassure him that he didn’t do anything wrong by dying

— i mean, come on, it’s not his fault he got killed! how could you ever hold that against him?

— still, it takes him some time to come to terms with everything.

— though he loves you, he still finds it sad that he can never speak to anyone else ever again. at least, not without your aid.

— but as long as he has you by his side to help him cope... he knows he’ll be alright

— after all, he loves you, and you love him. and that’s enough to give him the strength he needs to keep from falling apart.

Rantaro Amami

— he's still very protective of you, despite the fact he’s merely a spirit now

— he’s always right by your side, no matter what.

— even when you aren’t able to take a moment to talk to him, or even look in his direction, Rantaro is right there

— if he were still alive, the way he now follows you around all the time may seem obsessive and creepy, but you actually appreciate it

— nobody else can see or speak to him but you, which makes his constant presence comforting, in a way

— Rantaro isn’t able to touch you in the same way he could when he was alive, but nonetheless, he still tries

— he’ll try to place his hand atop yours, or wrap his arms around your figure, but he always just passes straight through you

— you find the chill that blossoms on your skin where he touched you comforting; it’s a reminder that even though he’s gone, he’s still there with you

— it breaks his heart that he can’t truly be with you, but he tries not to focus on his own problems too much

— after all, your happiness is much more important to him than his own; you are his priority

— you’ll have to remind him that it’s okay for him to be sad, and that he shouldn’t bottle up his own emotions to be there for you

— he’ll want to keep being the person to take care of you, and watch out for you, but he needs you to be that person for him

Kokichi Ouma

— you didn’t really think Kokichi would start behaving himself just because he’s dead, did you?

— honestly he uses the fact only you can see and speak to him to his advantage

— good luck trying to keep your cool around other people while he’s off being a clown right in front of you

— but of course, he’s not all fun and games

— i mean... he’s dead. and that sucks

— he probably won’t show it, at least not right away, but he doesn’t like the feeling of separation between you two

— sure, he’s still around, but not like before. before, he could surprise you with a kiss or a suffocating hug, but he just can’t do that anymore

— it hurts. really bad.

— but he knows he’ll be okay. he know’s he’ll get used to it someday, as long as he has you with him to cheer him up when he gets especially sad

— you’re his sunshine, and he may not show it, but he needs you. so don’t leave him all alone, okay?

Gonta Gokuhara

— lets be honest... Gonta has the hardest time of the bunch adjusting to being nothing more than a spirit

— you’ll likely have to give him a lot of comfort. he’s confused, and he misses being able to be with you for real :(

— the hardest part for him is no longer being able to touch you

— he longs to feel your lips press gently against his cheek, to lay in your lap as your hands comb through his hair... he’d give anything to hold you in his arms again...

— unlike Rantaro, he’s not content with merely passing through your body when he makes contact with you

— it just... upsets him. it’s a cruel reminder that his life ended, and that he will never get to hold you, kiss you, and just love you the way he could before his life ended

— be patient with him, please... he’ll adapt eventually... but it could take a while

— just make sure to remind him how much you love him, he’ll need a lot of reassurance and comfort from you

Kaito Momota

— surprisingly, Kaito adapts to the situation pretty well

— if he is struggling with any sort of major emotions, he’s doing a stellar job of hiding it from you. and you hate that

— you don’t totally believe him when he says he’s okay, or when he tells you not to worry about him

— you know him better than that. it doesn’t make sense to you. he just died for crying out loud! he can never follow his dreams, never have the future he always wanted with you

— and you don’t understand how he can just shrug all that off and continue being your boyfriend like normal

— you confront him about it one night. he’s laying on his back, hovering beside you as you read (Kaito loves being able to float around in midair. perks of being a ghost, right?)

— "how can you be okay?" you blurt out suddenly. he looks at you, confused.

— you continue, asking all the questions that had been gnawing at you for days, and when you finally finish, he just laughs

— "of course i’m upset. but it’s a man’s job to protect the ones he loves! and being there for you is much more important than staying upset about this." he explains

— you can’t help but feel a little stupid. he’d always put you first, always prioritized your needs over anyone else’s, even his own. and he wasn’t about to stop just because he died

— fortunately for you, he isn’t upset with you sort of asking him why the hell he wasn’t a huge, depressed mess.

— in fact, he thinks it’s really sweet that, despite the fact you should be worried about yourself so you don’t end up joining him in the afterlife, you spent your energy fussing over him

Korekiyo Shinguji

— with Kiyo, not much changes. at least, not on his end.

— he’s very fascinated by the mere notion of being a spirit and has the time of his life unlife getting used to his new body

— at first you’re happy for him. i mean, it’s good that he’s not struggling, right? shouldn’t you want him to feel okay? you wouldn’t want him to suffer in sadness like you, right?

— but he’s so enthralled with his new state of being he... almost forgets to check up on you

— and even when he does spend time with you, it almost feels like all he does is talk about himself and the new things he’s discovered about being a spirit

— it’s frustrating, to say the least. you know you didn’t truly lose him, but it feels like you did

— when you finally tell him that you feel like he’s changed, he’s confused

— when Kiyo hears you say how much you miss him, how you feel like he’s so different now, he’s kinda just like ???????

— how could he be different? it’s still him, don’t you know that?

— after a long night of reflecting while you sleep (not needing rest is one of the many perks of being a spirit), Kiyo realizes what he’s been doing wrong

— you used to love when he’d talk to you endlessly about his work, his research, etc.

— but now, when he’d ramble on for hours about new things he’d learned thanks to being a mere spirit, it was just another painful reminder to you that he was dead. that he was gone.

— the moment he gets a chance, he apologizes to you. it’s a bit of an emotional moment for both of you, being the first time either of you have confronted the end of Kiyo’s life head on

— he tries to hold you, but all you feel is an icy chill where his flesh would have met yours, but oddly enough... it doesn’t make you feel worse

— you’d anticipated another tsunami of your own tears after Kiyo’s body passed through yours, but it’s comforting, albeit in a morbid way

— he’s gone, but you haven’t lost him. and you’ll never lose him; he’ll remind you of that every day if he has to

Ryoma Hoshi

— man, if you thought ryoma’s attitude and general outlook on life was depressing before, you’ve got a big storm coming

— for a long time after his death, he’s very... cold. to everyone and everything

— he’s upset. but not because he’s dead, but because he can’t protect you anymore

— being there for you, to defend you and keep you safe, had become his raison d’être, so to speak

— he knows you can still see him and talk to him. he’s not stupid. but he pretends he doesn’t hear you at first. part of him thinks that if he shuts you out long enough, you’ll come to your senses and realize you should be upset with him

— but you never do. despite what he thinks he deserves, you never turn on him, never give up on him, never stop loving him

— with time, he’ll come around and start learning to cope with his own death, and the fact you outlived him

— and you’ll be there with him every step of the way (whether he likes it or not)

[astronomoney]

can i request 15 and 16 with tim drake? it’s alright if you don’t have time for it, it’s alright

Pairing: Tim Drake x reader (both in their 20s ish)

Prompts: Prompt list 15- “Make me”, 16- “If you don’t put a shirt i’m gonna have to kiss you and who knows where things will go from there”

Summary: Just you and Tim having a nice little date

A/n: i wrote this with a female reader in mind but i also didn’t use any specific pronouns so technically it could be gn!reader. also i have been trapped in the MHA fandom for like a 3 weeks so i couldn��t write anything that even resembled DC characters lmfao. Masterlist

Word count: 1.3k

Tag list: @battlenix

Late Night In

Life as a Gothamite is never boring. Every few days there’s a new murdering psychopath with a clever theme. Like the Riddler who dresses in green and asks, get ready for it… riddles! Some other honorable mentions include Killer Croc the killing crocodile, Mr. Freeze the guy who freezes stuff, and of course who can forget Scarface the dummy with a scar on his face.

All these villains prancing around town made dating a superhero unnecessarily difficult. Date nights were few and far between when there’s a killer clown on the loose. But you didn’t let that get in the way. You made the most of the time you had even if it was less time then you wanted.

It had been almost 3 weeks since Tim had a night off and you were dying to see him. Texting was fine for a week or two and you didn’t consider yourself a high maintenance or clingy person but you could only go so long without him. So when he called to say he had a night off you suggested he come over to your place to watch a movie and have some take out.

Your apartment wasn’t necessarily small but it definitely wasn’t big. The door opened right into a short hallway which led to the kitchen. There was a counter between the kitchen and dining area but nothing in between that and the living room. There were two doors and either side of the living room and the door to the left led into a bathroom while the door to the right was your bedroom.

When Tim arrived a little after 8 he was holding a bunch of roses and a cute stuffed bear with the words “I love you” stitched into its belly. There was a duffle bag slung over his shoulder that most likely held his sparring gear and his costume in a secret pocket at the bottom. He looked tired and smelled like a gym which brought you to conclusions that he did not go home after sparring and instead came straight to you.

He immediately started rambling about how much he’d missed you and how sorry he was for his busy schedule.

“I am so so sorry. It’s been so long since I've had a night off and I know you wanted to go to that movie last week and I couldn't make it and-” You cut him off with a quick kiss.

“Tim. Relax.” You said firmly with a hint of amusement in your voice. “You were saving 6 hostages from a madman with a thing for hats. I don’t know about you but to me that seems a bit more important then some random movie.” You took the flowers so you could admire them before heading towards the kitchen.

Tim closed the door and followed you. “If it’s important to you then it’s the most important thing in the world.” He said, putting the bear on the counter.

You smiled at him and started filling a vase with water to put the flowers in. “That is the cheesiest thing I think I've ever heard.”

“That was romantic and you know it.” Tim smiled back at you. “And I really am sorry for canceling last week.” You could tell in his voice that he felt guilty.

“And I really do forgive you,” You turned your attention to him. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” His body relaxed and he walked around the counter so he could hug you from behind.

His hands wrapped around your waist and his chin rested on your shoulders”How the hell did i get so lucky as to end up with you?” He asked softly. He rocked slightly from side to side as you dropped the roses into the water.

“Oh gross Tim you’re all sweaty!” You exclaimed

“Really? i say that and you’re reaction is ‘Oh gross’. And here I was thinking you loved me.” He said with fake hurt in his voice.

“I’ll love you more if you go take a shower.” You stated, completely unfazed by his guilt tripping attempts.

“Ugh ok,” he sighed lazily while burying his head in the crook of your neck.

“Tim?”

“Yeah?” he murmured in response.

“That means you have to let go.” You tried to break free which only made him hug you tighter.

“Make me.” He started leaving kisses on your shoulder and neck. The soft feeling made your mind go blank for a second and you melted farther into him before pulling yourself out of the daze.

You wriggled out of his grasp and turned around to kiss him before breaking away. “This is really cute and all but you smell like a sewer.”

“Yeah well Bruce said i could only have the night off if i sparred first so i smell like this for you.” He walked backwards toward the bathroom so you were still facing each other.

You shook your head and walked to the living room. “Well then i appreciate your sacrifice.”

He didn’t take long in the shower. You had enough time to grab some blankets for the couch and turn on a Law and Order rerun. The water turned off and about a minute later your boyfriend stepped out.

You didn’t look at him at first, too caught up in the 5 year old fictional court case. He walked over to you and sat down, you leaned back and rested your head on his shoulder. It was then that you actually noticed his lack of shirt. He was a lean sort of fit, not too bulky but not not muscular. You’d seen him shirtless before but the sight still brought a pink tint to your face. You unconsciously let your hands trace his collarbone.

“If you don’t put a shirt on i’m gonna have to kiss you and who knows where things will go from there.” You stated teasingly, pulling yourself out of yet another daze. The doorbell rang interrupting the calmness that had settled over you.

“Are you expecting someone?” Tim asked, turning his head to peer at the door.

“Oh shit, I forgot.” You laughed at yourself and rushed to the door. When you opened it there was a delivery man on the other side holding a bag of chinese food. You thanked and tipped him before closing the door and walked back over to Tim. “I did promise you takeout.” You held up the bag.

After you had dished the food and settled down on the couch you watched the movie. It was nice to be with him again even if you were just watching a movie.

You were nearly asleep, cuddled up next to him on the couch when the end credits started to roll. You stretched and yawned and checked the clock to find out it was already 11:10. It wasn’t necessarily late but it had been a long day for you both. That’s when you decided to ask him the question that had been on your mind since he arrived.

“It’s getting pretty late.” You said standing up to get your dirty dishes.

“Yeah,” Tim followed suit, grabbing his plate and heading towards the kitchen. “I should probably head back now. I don’t want to be out too late, especially not in costume.” He dropped the dishes in the sink.

“Oh right,” you paused “Or maybe... you could stay here tonight.” You suggested. “And tomorrow night… and the night after that?”

“Are-are you asking me to move in?” He questioned a slightly surprised look on his face.

“Well i was just thinking if you lived here then we could see each other a lot more and you wouldn’t have to live in the manor with Bruce but your right it was stupid idea i’m sure they need you there for all kinds of superhero stuff and-” you started rambling before he cut you off.

“I think it’s a great idea!” You were surprised by his response.

“R-really?” You stammered

“Yes really! I’d love to move in with you.”

A/n: i legitimately can’t end a fic to save my life like what kinda half ass ending is that?