#but i’ve also been brought up to not call out bigoted beliefs

[mimikyu-chr]

if your respect for trans people ends at the ones you deem unfuckable, you only respect trans people when they’re attractive, or you harass or assault trans people you want to fuck, YOU DONT RESPECT TRANS PEOPLE

and also i don’t think any trans people you treat like that want to fuck you <3

[chillychive]

If u know me IRL I am *begging* you to not open this post… it would out someone you may know, so just please, please, please do not open it. Thank youuuu

Okay so yesterday my gf and I went to the pool together, and it wad my mom’s first time meeting her.

It was really fantastic and we had a great time. However, for this story to make sense I need to give some background. I’m white, my family is white. My partner is korean american. My mom is fascinated with Korean culture and watches K drama and listens to K Pop, and cooks us korean food. I’ve always thought this was weird, but i never brought it up with her because I didnt think it was a big problem. We’ve previously discussed that when she meets my partner, she will NOT mention kpop or kdrama or be weird about it in general. My partner isn’t big into korean media, so it’s not exactly a good opportunity to bond or anything. My mom is incredibly proud of not being racist/bigoted. I strive to not be but I fully acknowledge that as a white person in the US of A, I’m gonna end up with bigoted beliefs and assumptions that it is my job to fight. I learned that from my mom.

On the way back, my mom was playing her playlist out loud in the car. This playlist happens to have a lot of KPop on it. My gf recognized it and asked if that was blackpink. My mom took this as a go ahead to talk about kpop. That in itself would have been weird… but okay.

I whispered to my partner immediately that Im very sorry… and that i tried to tell her not to before. She looked obviously uncomfortable but answered my mom’s questions.

My mom moved on to ask about my partner’s family and if they were fluent, and if she had a korean name too. At this point I was incredibly embarrassed but didnt know what to do. My gf answered her but we kept exchanging glances like “this is weird” and “I’m so sorry”

We texted about it afterward, and it was clear my partner was uncomfortable with it but also thought it was hilarious. I went to talk to my mom about it.

I fully acknowledge that I did not probably handle the conversation with my mom afterwards correctly, but I thought it was okay. I essentially told her that that conversation was weird, reminded her that I *asked* her not to mention her obsession with Kpop/Kdrama before hand (which my gf is aware of), and asked that next time she doesnt start asking abt her korean name/fluency and the like.

My mom seemed embarrassed but said “okay”

I went back to my room. Later at dinner, my mom spent the entire time visibly crying but silently. At this point I decided that I was not going to apologize for calling her out, but that I had clearly made some mistake. Note: my mom cries very easily at any confrontation.

Unfortunately, when my mom cries, my dad goes full “punish whoever made her cry, even if justified”. So naturally my dad pulls me aside and says that I shouldnt have said that. I asked if he meant I shouldn’t have defended my partner. Now, i fully believe My mom’s actions were innocent and in no way intentionally racist. However, if it makes someone uncomfortable, I believe that it doesnt matter the intent behind it, it is now your job to never do that again.

I eventually gave up arguing with him because I knew it was pretty much worthless as long as he was set on protecting my mom no matter what.

I later talked to my brother (who was in the car when my mom said the stuff, witnessed my parents discussing what happened after (which i was not there for), and watched me argue with my dad) and he agreed that I didn’t handle the initial conversation with my mom as well as I could have, but that my mom’s questions were incredibly weird and that I was right to have called her out on it, and that my dad should not have gotten so incredibly angry at me.

I thought it might hopefully go away in the morning, but today everyone but my brother has been only speaking to me when strictly necessary. I thought I might just be gaslighting myself into thinking that, but at lunch I asked them and my mom said “that’s what happens when you really upset someone, they dont wanna hang out with you.” (Direct quote as this happened like 5 minutes ago)

I’ve told my gf none of this since I initially confronted my mom. I feel so bad because I really thought that she wouldnt have to deal with this from MY family, even though she is dating a white person. I’ve assured her many times that my mom is weird but would not directly say stuff, and she did. My dad is pissed because he thinks i shouldnt be prioritizing my partner’s needs over my mom’s, and that it’s a bad first impression for my first relationship to be calling my mother a bigot. (I DID NOT SAY THAT, for the record, he said that).

I don’t think I’m wrong for standing up for my partner, but I also do not want to hurt my parents. I’m not going to apologize for telling my mom she shouldnt have said that, but I also don’t know how long I can deal with my parents being mad at me. I dont want to jeopardize their approval for my relationship either.

Keep in mind, I’m a teenager living at home. This is my first relationship. I would love to go to bat for my partner against my parents, but realistically that doesnt work.

I dont know what to do. Am I in the wrong here? If not, how do I fix things without compromising my stance on what happened?

[alltheselights]

Although Shia is a POS, I think he emerged as the winner in this. He brought receipts of Olivia kissing his ass. Also, Florence comes out of this fine. It’s really just Olivia and Harry who look bad. Mostly Olivia. And maybe not even? Since Shia is a pariah.

I think Shia was largely successful in what he was trying to do, but there are plenty of people on Twitter now talking about how maybe people shouldn’t immediately believe him and everything he’s saying because of his past. Even with the video, we obviously don’t know all the context, and even if he is portraying everything accurately, he is still not a good person and not somebody that people should be rooting for regardless of how much they hate Olivia. So he’s not truly coming out of this looking amazing either.

I think Olivia certainly looks bad. She’s been called out for this lie (or at least, what seems like a lie) and is receiving worst press for her that I’ve seen so far. The public perception by the general public is very negative at the moment, from what I’ve seen. I think this is compounded on top of two other things which have given her negative attention from the general public, which is 1) the perception and press that she cheated on Jason with Harry and perhaps made some on set feel uncomfortable because of their relationship, and 2) the perception that she is not being a good mother, which is largely because of the custody battle stuff being made public, what Jason said in his filing about her wanting to move to the UK to be with Harry, and just the general, kinda misogynistic view that she’s following her boyfriend around the world and doesn’t give a fuck about her kids. Beyond that, there are other things that fans have focused on a lot, including the suggestion that she’s trapping Harry or forcing him to pretend to be with her, abuse and harassment allegations, and offensive and/or bigoted statements or posts from her past. I don’t think most of these things gained traction beyond the fandom aside from making the general public think that Harry’s fans are raging mysognists, but I think they’ve likely contributed to an overall dislike and negative perception of her.

I think Harry certainly looks bad. If you’re looking at DWD stuff alone, there’s that same perception from the general public that he got together with Olivia when she was still with Jason. There’s still an underlying belief by many that Harry got the gig either because he’s famous or attractive, which is picking up traction again after that clip was released the other day. That clip did not come across well to most people, which makes people think he’s a bad actor. I think the fact that he’s publicly with Olivia while all this Florence and Shia drama swirls around her means that he’s attached to it in the eyes of many. And then when you add that to other negative attention that Harry has received lately, particularly around his comments about My Policeman, his comments about his sexuality (not just in the latest Rolling Stone, but in many previous interviews), and the other elements of his persona that contribute to the idea that he’s queerbaiting or profiting off the LGBTQ+ community...all of these things combined mean that Harry is receiving a lot of flack right now too. And while it may not be affecting Harry’s tour sales, I think if this continues (and I don’t see him or his team doing anything to fix it, so I imagine it will) or gets worse, it may begin to. And even if it doesn’t, I think he’s likely done major damage to himself as an actor and made himself look like a liability.

While Florence is coming off GREAT right now, a lot of this stuff hasn’t been great for her either. I think some had the view that she was being unprofessional because of this “feud” once it started being reported on in the press, and I remember seeing a lot of negative comments about her getting involved in other peoples’ businesses when there were those articles about how she was unhappy about Harry and Olivia’s relationship on set. I think she’s in the clear now and most people will view her as smart to avoid a lot of this drama and won’t blame her for distancing herself from Olivia, Harry, and DWD, but at the end of the day, she’s a serious actor and I think having all of this drama around a film she’s in is probably the furthest thing from what she wants.

So yeah....the situation really isn’t great for anybody! But Olivia and Harry look the worst by far and it’ll be very interesting to see what they do over the next month or so as they try to save this absolute shitshow.

[askaceattorney]

These are letters regarding the situation that recently transpired. After this, we will no longer be answering any letters regarding politics. All of us agree that this blog needs to strictly stay out of politics. In truth, politics should never have been the center of this blog. After this, any letter regarding politics or the situation will be deleted.

This is a blog that focuses on answering letters to Ace Attorney canon characters. It does not discriminate anyone or any mod based on race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, politics, etc. and such actions are not tolerated. If you believe one of our mods is discriminating for whatever reason, show solid evidence and we will handle this privately. A support for a former or current president of a country is not proof of discrimination and neither are political memes posted on a personal account.

(More Politics Ahead)

Dear rogertheegg,

Co-Mod: Nope. Everyone’s welcome here, regardless of political leanings.  I’m afraid I’m as clueless as you are about what exactly happened with the two former Mods (they didn’t even say anything to me about it), but it’s all water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned.

Mod Edgeworth: Absolutely not! I have never tolerated political discrimination. You are allowed to believe whatever politics you want.

Dear kunaiman,

Co-Mod: High five.

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you very much for your support.

Dear Mistakes,

Mod Edgeworth: I’m not going to go into anything else regarding my politics, but I will state my reason for outing myself: I’m doing this for Co-Mod.  I do consider him a friend of sorts and I do not wish for him to have to suffer this blowback alone. So, if you want to state your grievances, go ahead.

Know this though, I am still the same mod you have met and have never hidden my character from any of you. My politics do not define my character and neither does Co-Mod’s politics define his character. The same goes for anyone else. I’m just someone that leans Conservative and voted for Trump. If that makes me a bad person, even if I do stand against any discrimination, then I will gladly accept it.

Co-Mod: So, here’s the truth about me, Donald Trump, the MAGA Committee, etc. (and this is from the horse’s mouth, so anyone who says otherwise is lying) -- I’ve never been a huge fan of the guy, but I supported the good things he did and wanted to do during his presidency -- creating jobs, draining the political swamp, promoting patriotism, and so on -- and for that, I feel no shame.  I also wished he could’ve kept his big mouth shut about a lot of things, but overall, I saw him as someone who stood up for people who’d been largely ignored before he came along -- namely, middle class Americans. If you see him and his presidency differently, I won’t hold anything against you for it, so I respectfully ask that you do the same for me.

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Edgeworth: Don’t worry, I know who you are. You maybe under anonymous, but when we receive your letter, it isn’t anonymous lol. What we do is place your letter in photoshop and get rid of all your identity. Thank you for your support and I agree.

This blog will continue, even if it’s under a very few of us. I will allow everyone to display their grievances in the comment section. They have just as much right as Co-Mod and I do.

If there’s anyone I wish for you to support, it’s Co-Mod. He’s the one being the most effected by all of this. I don’t believe politics should have been involved or that we should have to justify why we believe in our politics. Neither have to do with our love for Ace Attorney.

Dear I’m still surprised,

Mod Edgeworth: I’m guessing this is for Co-Mod, because it doesn’t seem like you’ve read my own defense. I literally stated that both Co-Mod and I support LGBT and that the letters deleted because of shipping had nothing to do with any political beliefs. Beyond what I stated in my defense (despite what Co-Mod states below), I won’t say anything more. Non of us have to justify why we support a former president. I have my reasons just like anyone else. It doesn’t make me a terrible person and I will forever stand for everyone’s rights to believe whatever politics they believe.

Co-Mod: It’s a shame I have to say this on an Ace Attorney blog of all places, but where is your proof that I or anyone on my side of the aisle takes any enjoyment in seeing anyone dead or oppressed, whether in a minority or otherwise?  I can only assume you’ve been listening to some skewed sources, or that there’s something huge I’m missing, because I’ve yet to see any right-wing groups reach that level of hatred.  (And if you know of any, please fill me in.  I mean that honestly.)

As for why I left same-sex attraction out of this blog, it’s simply because I see it as a divisive topic rather than a simply controversial one, (i.e. the death penalty, game piracy, etc.).  I’ve also proven several times that I’m not very good at addressing it without people getting rubbed the wrong way, so I decided to play it safe and not discuss it at all.  I’m happy to talk about it anywhere else, but a blog about Ace Attorney didn’t seem like the right place for it to me.  On top of that, there are plenty of blogs about peoples’ same-sex ships all over Tumblr, so why complain about this one?  If there’s a rule stating that Ace Attorney-themed Tumblr blogs are required to include those ships, I sure haven’t heard it.

I’ll admit this much -- like Phoenix, it’s something I can’t claim to understand, so maybe I still have some learning to do about it, but if I’m going to be accused of bigotry, I’d like to see some solid evidence of it.  Assumptions don’t count in my book.

Dear Dailystir,

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you. I’m not going to address anymore than I already have. I will not and refuse to mention anything else on my politics. Just like how you said, I am more at the center in the political world. I lean more Conservative, but I am Independent. I consider both Republicans and Democrats to be two different wings from the same bird.

I’m also glad you do not consider being a Trump supporter to be in the same basket as being a racist, bigot or any of that. These days, I can declare myself as a supporter of Andrew Jackson (I’m not btw) and not be against Natives, even though he was the reason for the mass genocide of thousands of Native Americans. I can openly support Martain Luther King, yet not be considered homophobic, even though he was against LGBT. I can consider myself a Bill Clinton supporter and not support raping women, even though that’s what he did in office. Yet, the moment I declare myself a Trump supporter, I’m automatically Anti LGBT, a bigot, a sexist, a racist and a phobe of some sort, because Trump supposedly is? What a world we live in! I can’t remember the last time supporting a political figure or celebrity made you a terrible person.

As for Mod Vera and Mod Maya, I still wish they could’ve said something to me or Co-Mod, if they truly felt uncomfortable. I’m still willing to talk to either of them and hear them out. I don’t blame them for doing what they did. I don’t know them or what life they live in. I have talked to someone, who had faced bigotry  and hate from Trump supporters in their area to the point of fear. I’ve even seen a Trump supporter bully an Anti Trump Supporter and I ended up reporting the bully, then calling them out for their behavior. I can say from experience that when you face real discrimination, it puts you in a state of fear to never express yourself or your identity. My family faced that and so did I. It’s the reason I’ve never revealed my race, gender or sexual orientation and can understand where Mod Maya and Mod Vera are coming from.

I think the real takeaway is to not judge anyone based on their politics, but also to not hate anyone who does. You will find bigotry on any side of the political spectrum from any group. To say there is none on any side is spouting ignorance.

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Edgeworth: It is sad, though even if I do understand where Mod Vera and Mod Maya are coming from, I still can’t justify them not talking to either of us first. They never spoke to either of us and assumed the worst out of both of us. They never asked us anything or mentioned their concerns. I’m certain, even now, they’re still assuming things.

Had they mentioned their grievances, I would have been willing to talk with them and work things out, but we were never given that chance. It kinda hurts, because they said they understood when I told them I was staying out of politics and was willing to admit that I supported Trump and am an Independent Conservative. Then, they pull the rug from under us and claim we are against ethnic minorities and LGBT. That’s why I wish they could’ve said something.

I’m still willing to talk to either of them, but I doubt they’ll want to hear from me. No amount of context is going to change that. If it did, they would’ve talked to me about it before leaving.

-The Mods

P. S. Co-Mod: As ugly as this can of worms is, it’s been a fun practice in defending my beliefs and decisions.  Never underestimate that skill, everyone.

Mod Edgeworth: I still can’t believe this was brought out at all. I’m so sick of politics!

[edwardforkhands]

Asking for help to become not transphobic

This is a long rant, very unorganized. Sometimes I don’t know where I’m going with it. But basically, I’ve been on terfblr in secret for the last 3 years or so, and I’ve become transphobic during that time. I want help to try and change. If anyone could point me to any articles, documentaries, studies, etc to help me get out, I would appreciate it. If you can add in your own two cents, that would be appreciated as well. I’m not sure how much I’ll respond to replies or reblogs on this post, or DMs, as I’m pretty shy and non confrontational (hence why I was on terfblr in secret). But I will read everything!

Basically I agree with a lot of things terf believe, but one thing I want is to find a way to escape the transphobic side of everything. I want to be a radical feminist minus the trans exclusionary part. I’m pretty leftist and progressive, but I hate being bigoted in this way. I almost feel like someone that’s fallen down a neo nazi rabbit hole, in the ways that I have to hide my true beliefs from friends and family. The problem is, I just can’t find a way to for my brain to make peace with a lot of principles of present-day trans activism.

I feel like the only way to make progress is to first just flat out say I’m transphobic. In many ways I’m not, but in a lot of ways I am. That way when I ask my questions, people aren’t just like “that’s really transphobic of you to ask” and shut me down. I want to be kinder, but I need to be able to say what I think. Like how you need to be able to write out your math in order to find any mistakes. But the way things are now, my math looks perfectly fine to me.

So that everyone understands where I’m coming from, here’s a summary of my beliefs:

I agree with terfs/swerfs on a lot of things. I believe there are 2 sexes, gender is a social construct that is not at all innate, women face female-specific oppression, sex work is dehumanizing, there is no such thing as a genital fetish, I think in recent years that some people are transitioning when they not “actually trans,” etc. And there are some more petty things I get annoyed at like saying “uterus owners” or “pregnant people.” I also disagree with the term swerf (though I don’t think terf/swerfs are slurs). I want to protect women and sex workers. To me, this is like calling people who are against child labor “child exclusionary human rights activists.” In my mind I’m trying to do a good thing for them. Sex work is the commodification of consent— which imo can’t be commodified.

But then on the other hand there are a lot of topics on which terfs would disagree with me. I think we should respect peoples’ pronouns, trans people should be able to use what bathroom they want, using someone’s deadname is rude, for many people medical transition is necessary, there are cases where it is appropriate for children to transition, and even if gender roles were totally nonexistent, there would still be trans people.

Here’s where I think I started to get sucked up into “terf” ideology: I think dysphoria is necessary to be trans. I think this was the “gateway drug” that made me into a terf. This stems from my belief that there are two sexes, gender is fake, and your biology is tied to being trans. My understanding of dysphoria is this: It is a state of being dissatisfied with the sex of your body, feeling like it shouldn’t be the way it is. Like how some people feel like a limb shouldn’t exist, and they want to cut it off (I can see how this analogy is a bit transphobic, I just don’t see how else to explain my understanding). Dysphoria is innate, and would exist no matter how men and women are viewed in society. If you don’t have dysphoria, then what is the point of being trans? Is it to change the gender roles you have to/don’t have to adhere to? Could that not be solved by being gnc? And wouldn’t it be more progressive to push to abolish gender? How is transitioning without dysphoria anything other than reinforcing gender roles?

I’m not trying to be bigoted, these are genuine questions and concerns I have that keep me in terf circles.

There are also just so many things my eyes have been opened to on terfblr. Why porn and sex work is harmful to women, why makeup and sexualized clothing is bad, how to read between the lines in advertising targeting women, seeing just how much woman-hate there is everywhere and how acceptable it is in society. These are beliefs I could never see myself abandoning.

Just a heads up: I use the phrase “trans positive” as an antonym to the word “transphobic” (can’t think of a better one atm).

But with the whole trans issue, that’s where I feel like I might have crawled into a hole that I want to get myself out of. I don’t like that in being a terf, many would consider me to be a hateful and bigoted person. I want to be progressive, and on the right side of history. But there are so many things that I see in modern day trans activism that just don’t make sense to me logically, and some that I view as actively harmful. Like reinforcing gender roles, or eliminating the ability to talk about sex-specific and female-specific issues. It seems every few months things that were once considered trans positive to believe are now transphobic. Most of the time, progress like this is wonderful! It’s good when realize they have racist, sexist, homophobic, etc microagressions and work towards becoming better people. That’s great! But a lot of the times the new transphobic things just don’t make sense. For example, I realized saying things like “bitch” or “cunt” casually was sexist, and it made sense. But if I were to say your sexuality is based on someone’s sex, not their gender, that’s transphobic because it implies trans women aren’t real women, or trans men aren’t real men. If they pass, society can see them as being men or women. But biologically, they aren’t. That’s why the word “trans” goes in front of their name. It just doesn’t make sense to me how it’s transphobic to have a sexuality, so having what’s basically a “gender-ality” is the only acceptable thing now. Obviously it would be rude to go around telling every trans person “actually, you’re not a REAL man/woman!” randomly. But when the context permits, like with dating or for female-specific issues, I just don’t see how it’s transphobic to acknowledge a very relevant biological reality.

Trying to say anything relating to feminist issues in a non-transphobic way feels to me like walking on eggshells to escape a maze. It would be easy to give up and just say everything’s related to gender, sex is a social construct yet somehow gender’s innate, and go with the flow but I just can’t if it doesn’t make sense to me. I know I don’t have to understand everything about everyone else’s experiences, especially if it’s not hurting other people, but I feel like in some ways trans activism nowadays is.

I just wish all this made sense to me and I could happily say I support everything trans positive. I don’t want to be transphobic. In some ways I’m not, but in so many ways I am, and I want to change. But I want things to make sense at the same time. Currently it feels like terf beliefs align with common sense, while believing a lot of principles of trans activism takes so much mental gymnastics.

Obviously if you don’t want to respond you don’t have to. It’s not your responsibility to change me— it’s my responsibility to change myself, and fix my beliefs. But if anyone is willing to listen or help, that would be appreciated. I feel like a lot of terfs start out where I did— initially trans positive, but had just one or two issues that brought them to terfblr, and they come out the other side transphobic. Hopefully helping me will help at least one other person down the line.

I feel terrible interacting with trans people, knowing I follow and listen to so many terfs. I have so many conflicting feelings and beliefs and I wish things could balance out the right way.

[lifewithchronicpain-original]

Long post ahead, but I need to address this so I can move on.

Over ten years ago, I was really into atheism and debating theology on an atheist forum, and became popular as their first female member and eventually rose to moderator then administrator, setting up a lot of rules that they still have up posted in my username. I always find that funny.

I felt like I had met a great group of people with leftist politics and all that. I felt special because I was basically their token female until the forum gained more popularity. And then the owner added a kudos system to rate someone’s popularity and I was given many kudos for being able to argue against religion, mostly Christianity, so well and I even met up with the owner at Dragon*con one year.

Then a thread got into the topic of sexual objectification and this spiraled into an unpleasant discussion about rape culture. The same men I thought who appreciated what I had to say just didn’t listen anymore and I was viewed as being ridiculous. One was so offended he started putting typical MRA jokes in his signature. Also the guy I met decided he was now libertarian and whole heartedly believed regulation caused the 08’ crash. :/ I remember another guy on Facebook from my local atheist group agreeing with those men when I brought it up; and then said “oh come on, I’m an atheist, you know I’m not sexist!”

I was now facing the fact that this group of people I had enjoyed spending my time with online for about two years might praise me now, but when I would tread into territory that could make men face how they treat women, I was shut down and told a woman in a mini skirt is Just like a rich man with a visible wad of $100s in his back pocket. I was quickly understanding for the first time why there aren’t more women and POC in these “new atheist” groups. They thought their lack of religion immunized them because they blamed religion for racism and sexism. Conveniently ignoring they also believe religion was created by men and thus promoting their already established views of women and other races. Funny that.

At the same time (we had a few women on board but they were avoiding that conversation) a woman joined and spoke up. They ripped into her. I had the comfy cushion of my status, she had none. She was given all the negative kudos and when I talked to her privately I found out she was also a survivor.

I was facing so many arguments I knew were wrong but couldn’t fully articulate. That’s when I discovered what rape culture, as well as the Just world theory. That’s when I changed from becoming a feminist in label to a feminist in deeds and thoughts. I learned the responses to their arguments and then I learned I also don’t want to waste another minute on these men. I posted my goodbye explaining their responses have caused a lack of trust I can never get past because they refuse to even see how their so-called reason left the room when they started dealing with sexism.

The only man who defended me was the lone Christian who for some reason liked hanging out there. There was also a trans women there, she was very happy to agree with the men’s victim blaming and I never understood that. But it also taught me you can’t expect to know someone’s full politics just because you happen to agree or disagree on the issue of god, or really on anything.

I learned that belonging to a group of people on the surface doesn’t mean we’re all lock-step in ageeememt over every issue. I learned I can’t trust anyone who treats relationships and sex as something they deserve and not something you enter with mutual respect for boundaries. I’m not denying it hurts to be rejected and people can be rejected on prejudicial biases, but it’s still a situation that requires mutual consent and you can’t force that on people by calling them bigots. Shaming a woman into having sex with you because otherwise you’ll call her out, is essentially forced consent which is rape. I can’t say it plainer than that.

My consistent insistence that a woman’s boundaries are to be respected, that our sex lives are not political statements to be commented on, and that lesbians owe no one anything has ruffled a lot of feathers.’A lot of people don’t like that. I have seen this from MRA’s to variois online factions of bisexual and trans people (And to be very clear, not all, I don’t like painting a group with one brush) acting like lesbians not sleeping with them is an act of cruelty, a prejudice that must be corrected. In other words, “how dare you not let me get off this is a violation of my civil rights! Lesbians must be so privileged for dating other lesbians!” It’s really fucked up and everywhere on this site. And no, trying to dress it up in woke language like “you should really examine why you don’t like penises” isn’t better. Rather it betrays an obsession with getting penises into lesbians. Not all trans women have one, but that’s too pesky a detail when you’re obsessed with getting dick into a lesbian. And trust me as a lesbian, this is an obsession many people have.

I am seeing the same things that played out before playing out time and again in online spaces, where there’s little cost to being an asshole. People decided an issue is pivotal to their identity or whatever, and do everything they can to “other” people who don’t agree. They use their online social capital to try to shame people. They knowingly post call outs to attack decent people they just don’t agree with. If they can’t chase someone off the platform they’ll make it hell for that person if as much as they can. And they will resort to nasty sexist slurs because to these people nothing is worse than woman with a mind of her own. I’m no longer 25, I don’t seek the approval I used to, I can deal with online anxieties by not engaging. I know to block people and turn off anon. It hurts to be targeted for sure, but ten years later people trying to slander me online is more like water to a duck. But I’m not everyone and ten years ago this kind of online drama could be a suicide inducing event. But they don’t care.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret, the majority of political disagreements are not worth burning down the house and destroying every relationship over. Not only will you have no true friends, you will never challenge your beliefs, your beliefs will stagnate and you will never grow, never learn.

People might read this and assume that because I don’t think sex with a lesbian is a civil right that I must hate trans women. I don’t, that’s not who I am. I know what it’s like to question my gender, I suffer from mild disphoria. I can’t imagine what severe dysphoria is like and I don’t presume to assume what is right for everyone suffering from this. It is terrible, and no one deserves to be treated like shit for it. But that also doesn’t give some people (I emphasize, this is not every trans person’s doing) the right to attack women for talking about sexism, their vagina, pregnancy, or being a lesbian. I couldn’t give a rats ass if a lesbian and trans women get together, I have no right to judge or police that, but it’s okay to police lesbians? That’s fucked up, and let’s not pretend the same standard is applied to gay men, because it 100% is not.

Everyone, no matter the gender, is susceptible to sexism. Calling that out is not me saying I hate trans women, or I want to fight against trans advocacy or anything like that. I just want to talk about sexism and how it affects me as a female lesbian woman. No matter how hard you try, you can’t ID your way out of sexism, just like I, as a white person, cannot ID myself out of the racial bias I was taught from birth. These things are no different to me and has no bearing on me respecting pronouns and promoting issues of trans disability on this blog.

This one issue has painted me as a TERF, when my radical feminism (which I’ve never 100% agree with, one example is bathrooms, just let people pee! When people start monitoring bathrooms I get questioned because I’m GNC) has never been about misgendering and denying the painful realities of dysphoria. I believe and trust we can better understand transmisogyny when we better understand traditional misogyny. If one gender wasn’t so overwhelmingly oppressed I can’t imagine people would have such a knee jerk hateful reaction to trans people. I might think male socialization is a thing, but unlike other people, I don’t attack trans women for our disagreement on this one point. I’ll never make a call out post because I couldn’t make a trans women say what I wanted. I will never ever call anyone a slur either, while I’ve been called a bitch and cunt.

This blog is about disability. All I care about is promoting disability justice, information, and social support. I will always be open to discussing disability as it effects any minority group: POC, female, poor, trans, gay, etc... I’m more than happy to reblog posts regarding trans disability especially with regards to HRT or surgery can effect that. This blog will never be about attacking people and trying to tear them down. I might disagree with people but I won’t try smear someone’s reputation because of it. In recent years I have striven to disagree with people without resorting to insults and assumptions. I’m not perfect but I try.

I have talked before how there are zealous aspects to all groups. You won’t have me denying that radfems can be just as nasty. I condemn any radfem who has treated anyone the way I’m being treated right now. I personally don’t believe that because one trans women did something wrong that it’s okay to misgender all trans women. I am not like that. I’m not so bitter and hateful that I can’t separate one group of assholes from a minority group.

I’ve always been about being the better person, not for the people you hate but for yourself. Holding on to all this hate and negativity, attacking women for daring to state their mind, encouraging people to attack that person, that must be aweful. I can’t, and I won’t be like that. My own mental health couldn’t take it when I did participate in some of these behaviors on my early tumblr experience. Then I realized it was tearing me apart, and that the person on the other end is a human too. I don’t have to like them, but I can respect they have feelings and a world view that wasn’t built just to attack me.

Whether or not you agree with me on a lesbian’s right to bodily autonomy, does that really warrant a response meant to tear a disabled woman down? Are the only people entitled to their own opinions the ones that agree with you?

This matter truly is about sexism whether you believe it or not. I do not actively discuss trans issues on any of my blog. I was targeted for guilt by association (because I can’t follow people I don’t 100% agree with I guess) on main and when asked I said I got nothing against trans women I do have problems with rhetoric that treats sex with a lesbian as a civil right. I was then called out. That is exactly what happened and why I had to shut down questioning and take a break.

This post is to let you all know, I’m back, I’m okay, and this blog will continue with its mission to support disabled people. If you think a disabled women like me who only ever wants to help others, deserves this, then please unfollow. I don’t care how many people follow, I care that the people who do, want to follow me. If you’re a trans woman uncertain if you can bring an issue to me, of course you can. I’m not here to judge anyone, I’m here to give whatever disability advice and support that I can.

So yeah if you can’t understand that disagreements don’t warrant tearing down a person, especially someone who is disabled and has mentioned suicide attempts, then I can’t help you and the unfollow button is right there. If you do or don’t agree with me but think it was fucked up to get called out for, welcome. This blog will return to disability issues and this is the last I’ll be addressing this issue. I’m just going to delete and block people who think calling a disabled woman a cunt is top notch activism. You will not ruin what I’ve built here. You will not cower me. This bitch has been through too much to let anonymous trolls take me down.

Much love to all those who have supported me, it has meant a lot. 💕

[lionheartslowstart]

Snakes and Roses

I’ve been avoiding writing this post for a long time. (I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot recently.) I’m not sure why. I think maybe because writing it will force me to examine myself in ways I’m not totally comfortable with. I guess we’ll find out. To be clear, I’ve been sitting on this post since April 2nd, 2019, when I wrote a post called “Snakes and Lillies,” which was about Severus Snape and his many complexities. Snape is a character I have always loved and defended, and someone I talk about a lot. It was only a matter of time before I dedicated a blog entry to him. But it wasn’t until I reached the final paragraph where I had the realization of something I think I’ve always known deep down. I wrote, “He probably never knew what it meant to truly be happy.” And that’s when it hit me, one of the big reasons I love Snape so much is because...well, he reminds me of me. I see myself in him. I relate to him in ways that I’ve never related to other fictional characters before.

The reason this realization hit me in that specific moment, is because the idea of never knowing what it is to truly be happy is something I have thought about myself, even said about myself, to a select few. It’s why I was able to drum up that line so quickly in my writing - it was already there, in my subconscious.

I don’t like to think about my childhood. To be frank, I don’t like to think about much of my life before 2016-ish. I prefer to live in the fantasy world of my creation, that my entire life has been a fog and I’ve sort of “come to” as a fully formed adult. Obviously, that’s not a realistic way to live life, especially in terms of overcoming trauma and bettering yourself, so it’s something I’ve been tackling in the last year or so. I could write my entire life story here, but a) that would probably be the longest post I’ve ever written (and some of them are already pretty fucking long), and b) I don’t want to. But I will include some background information, so my readers can see the parallels I’ve drawn, and the deep connection I feel with Mr. Severus Snape.

In some ways, my childhood was very different from Snape's. In other ways, my childhood was incredibly similar. I didn’t grow up poor, and for that, I’m extremely thankful. My parents weren’t abusive, to each other or to me, and I’m extremely thankful for that as well. Obviously, these were two very important aspects of Snape’s origin story. But for me, it’s not so much the cause as it is the effect. I developed severe emotional problems at a very young age, five years old. I was suicidal, I had extreme outbursts, I was that “weird kid” (and then later I was that “fat, weird kid”), I was misunderstood, and I didn’t have the maturity or vocabulary to communicate my feelings and issues to those around me. As a result, despite having an otherwise loving home, I became isolated. I was isolated from my family, who didn't know how to help me, and who I often felt ganged up on me. I was isolated from my peers, who saw a sad little loner and decided the best course of action was to bully and ostracize me (because we all know that “different” equals “bad”). I was isolated from my teachers, who only saw me as a “problem child,” and who often blamed me for things that weren’t my fault, and who concluded that my outbursts were the result of behavioral problems as opposed to being in psychic pain. I was so lonely. I had two friends, but even they avoided me at school, as they had their own friends, and I, of course, was not invited to participate in that group. I spent most of my days alone, thinking my thoughts, concentrating on school, using my imagination, and generally giving off “sad boy energy.” As much as I try to ignore what I consider to be some of the most painful years of my life, I can’t deny that I am largely the person I am today because of my childhood. It’s my own origin story.

Obviously, I’m glossing over a lot here, specifically the details of my emotional problems and outbursts, but I’m sure you get the gist. So, this is something Snape and I had in common. We were both bullied and excluded, albeit for different reasons. We both felt alone and misunderstood. We also both tended to be reprimanded for our own actions, often driven by pain, but watched as others who hurt us went completely unpunished, or even unacknowledged. (For example, when Snape dropped the branch on Petunia, he was yelled at by Lily, but Lily didn’t scold Petunia for her disparaging comments against Snape.) Things also changed for both of us in our teenage years. For Snape, it appears to have changed earlier, around 11. For me, it took a little longer, more like 14. But in both cases, we suddenly found ourselves accepted for the first time in our young lives, treated like equals. As a result of this, we both became slightly haughtier, a bit superior, and on occasion, not very nice. 

This is where things begin to differ between the young Severus and myself, for a number of reasons. The first is that Snape was a follower, I was the leader. For the record, this wasn’t something I realized until I was an adult, but, indeed, I was the leader of my own little group. I was the one who brought everyone together, I was the one that many people looked up to, had feelings for, or wanted to be near. I wish I had appreciated it more at the time. Snape was more of a pack member, at least initially. It’s not clear who the leader was as he grew older. I’m sure Lucious Malfoy was the leader in the beginning, but he was a fifth year when Snape was a first year, so perhaps by his fourth year, Snape took his place. I’m not sure. However, I doubt it, because he was still mercilessly picked on by the Marauders and other classmates, who probably would have feared or respected him more if he had been the leader of the young Death Eaters. This leads to another difference, which is that Snape fell into a group of people who prided themselves on prejudiced ideations, and were in many ways bullies themselves, though Snape continued to be bullied as well. While I’ve certainly been ignorant, I’ve never espoused bigoted beliefs. I would also assert that I was never a bully per se, but I definitely spoke down to people and probably could have been much less selfish and bitchy than I was.

I mentioned earlier on that I often defend Snape, which is true. I have certainly had Snape-related conflicts with people, some more intense than others. About a year ago, around the time I posted “Snakes and Lillies” actually, I got into a heavy debate with a friend of a friend who maintained that Snape was a bad person who shouldn’t be celebrated in any capacity. No matter what I said, he remained unconvinced, and I walked away from that encounter feeling sour and angry. But why? Because it felt like a personal attack on my character. Everything my acquaintance said about Snape landed like he was saying it about me. I know he didn’t intention it that way, I’m sure he didn't even realize that’s how I was interpreting it. But when people tell me they think Snape is irredeemable, it feels like they’re saying I’M irredeemable.

Our lives may have gone on different paths, but I maintain that Severus Snape and I have the same, or very similar, core. We both grew up with a lot of pain and isolation. We both became embittered because of our respective childhoods, and that bitterness continued to follow us throughout our lives. We both experience a petty and vindictive pleasure when we are able to inflict suffering on those who have hurt us (though I’m sure he and I have very different ideas on who deserves it and who doesn't, as well as what levels of revenge are acceptable). We also both have the capacity for an incredibly deep and never-ending love, though most people never ever get to see it. We both have goodness in us that is often overlooked or minimized by others, who are too eager to see the bad things about us. And above all, as I said in my previous Snape-related post, neither of us has ever experienced a true and fulfilling happiness in our lives.

Of course, there is still hope for me, as I’m only in my mid-twenties, and have been doing a tremendous amount of work on myself, as well as in the interest of improving my life. Unfortunately, Snape did not have that opportunity, as his life was cut short in the midst of his mission. However, he was only in his late-thirties, and, had he been able to live, I like to believe he would have been able to begin the process of healing as well.

I’m finding it difficult to articulate why I feel so close to Severus Snape beyond what I’ve said already. Probably because they are feelings that are difficult for me to access. Snape was incredibly flawed, and so am I. Snape was incredibly broken, and so am I. Snape was, in my opinion, redeemable and overall a good person despite many of his questionable actions, which were largely the result of a miserable life. I feel similarly about myself.

I wonder how Snape’s life would have been different if the Harry Potter series took place today, in a climate where trauma and mental illness are more accepted, normalized, and discussed. Would he have been held accountable for his misdirected anger towards his students? Would he have been able to get the help he needed earlier on? What if he, as an adult, was shown more compassion and love? And I already know that many people might then ask, “What about Lily?” Yes, Lily showed Snape compassion and love. Lily cared deeply for Severus, and he was her best friend throughout her entire childhood. But when we are children, especially children who are in the midst of trauma, we don’t always recognize what love looks or feels like. This is something I relate to as well. There have been times when I was faced with real love, but due to the trauma I was still experiencing or working through, I did not truly see or appreciate it at the time. Sometimes, time needs to pass for us to be able to grow, mature, and make it through the trauma. We need to get to a place where we are able to look back and appreciate what we had, and to be able to heal and fully experience love in the present. Maybe, if someone had given Snape more affection and empathy as an adult, he would have been able to heal.

All I know is I find myself wishing I could reach through the pages of my books, or through my television screen, so I can wrap my arms around him and tell him he’s worthy of love, and there’s still time for him to heal and find happiness. Because, that’s what I’ve always wished people had done for me.

[thtdamfangirl4]

There are sexual harassers, assaulters, and rapists out there. Far more than will ever be reported. Far more than will ever be convicted. This is not a joke, and it is borne of a society which allows men to skate through life on blades of toxic masculinity over the slippery surface of privilege.

Men hate the phrase toxic masculinity. They think it means we are decrying anything that makes a man manly. This is not the case. We are defending your right to be manly, because you are a man. Even if you cry. Even if you don’t like sex. Even if you defy gender roles. Toxic masculinity is a set of expectations for men that have permeated generations, causing young boys to be raised to believe that that are not responsible for their own actions and that they must always be stoic. Men are brought up to believe that they are entitled to a women because that’s how things go: men are attracted to all attractive women and every woman in her right mind must be attracted to you too, because you are strong and manly and you have earned her respect simply by the virtue of being a man. And if you do not subscribe to these values, you are seen as less than. Under the ideals of toxic masculinity, men are shamed for or restricted from being gay, being trans, not sleeping around, having open and communicative relationships, being “just” friends with a woman, reaching out for help, acknowledging insecurity, expressing emotion, even liking a fucking color or a fruity drink.

It also has permeated generations of women, who have been told to wear longer skirts or a top with sleeves because boys will be distracted in school. It has affected women who have come forward to say that they have been violated, and yet no one will believe them. It affects women who want to be independent. It affects all women who have any form of a relationship with a man, be it familial, friendly, sexual, or romantic. For these women are expected to bear the emotional weight of human connection. It has affected every woman who has ever been told they were too emotional, despite the fact that many men have been brainwashed into emotional constipation that builds up until their feelings explode over the people they care about. It affects everyone.

And we all know about the effects that our society’s views on what it means to be a man has on the truly corrupted men. The ones who take these values and use them as excuses to violate women and men and children. We know about the rapists and the assaulters and the harassers (though many still seem to think it’s okay to turn a blind eye).

But we don’t talk enough about the everyday men. We don’t talk enough about the ones who still think it’s funny to make jokes about “go make me a sandwich” even though they’re overall not too bad. We don’t talk enough about the ones who don’t go ballistic when they’re rejected, they just get all passive aggressive and distance themselves. We don’t talk enough about the ones who won’t buy their wives and daughters pads or tampons. We don’t talk enough about the fathers who feel they have a right to “protect” their daughters from a perfectly healthy sex life. We don’t talk enough about the men who say they can’t watch that movie, it’s just for chicks. We don’t talk enough about the men who don’t know how to respond when a man comes out, or when a woman has a breakdown, or when a male friend wants to have a deep and meaningful conversation. We don’t talk enough about the men who we have deemed “not bad enough” to talk about.

Because they’re not bad. They are a product of circumstance. They haven’t done anything completely awful or illegal, so we brush it off. But therein lies the danger of toxic masculinity and sexism. It is not some mythical dark force of evil threat reaches into the hearts of men and turns them bad. It’s an ingrained belief system that most of the time produces some of these smaller faults in the actions of each of these otherwise good people. However, a stubborn adherence to its values and a culmination of all of the faults in one man leads to sexual assault, extreme violence, and hatred of anything perceived as “other.”

These normal men, the ones who are being judged by a lower bar, are capable of change. They have not done anything grossly wrong, simply adhered to what has been taught to them and it has made others uncomfortable. And there lies the need for feminism and equality (words which are synonyms, but have recently been perceived as otherwise by the eyes of toxic masculinity).

I have two brothers. They’re wonderful people. They have good hearts. They wouldn’t even do most of the shit I listed above. They’re both in loving relationships in which they treat their girlfriends with respect and care. They both cry on a regular basis. They both consistently have deep, meaningful, emotional conversations with others (including myself). They both wear pink, and care about their hair and clothes at least a little. They both are really sympathetic about my period and have gotten me Midol, tampons, and heating pads when I needed them. They both like rom-coms. They’re literally two of the most genuinely kind, thoughtful, generous, and loving people I’ve ever known.

And yet. They have these little things that have been taught to them. They think “toxic masculinity” means “men are awful.” They’ve definitely made judgmental comments about girls’ appearances before. They’re hesitant to believe that the effects of sexism reach as far as they do. They will stand up for any woman they know, they would never be actively sexist, and they would comfort and protect any woman who told them she had been violated. But they still think harassment is exaggerated. Stephen once proposed extended paternity leave during a discussion about the wage gap, as though it was a nonsensical idea, even though he’s expressed the idea that he might like to stay at home with his kids one day since he wants to be a writer and could do that from home. Nick once said that of course he doesn’t know how to sew up a hole in his pants, he’s a guy, so he asked me to do it. So I showed him how. Stephen and I have discussions about feminism and male privilege all the time, and he has made humongous steps of progress and come around on a lot of things, even if not 100%. Nick has stopped making “light-hearted” jokes he made as a stupid teenager because I told him they were offensive. I haven’t heard either one of them appraise a woman by her looks except to tell me how beautiful they think their girlfriends are in years.

Men are not inherently bad, which seems like a thing so obvious to say, but I just want to say it anyway. And they’re capable of change, and improvement, just as all humans are with all their flaws and all the faults that we have learned from society. This is why we need feminism. We need people to recognize that these are learned behaviors and ideals that can be unlearned. Because I will go to my grave believing that people are good. We make mistakes and we fuck up and we are formed by circumstance and sometimes some people don’t come back from that. But right there at the beginning, there is no inherent evil, throughout life, we do not become destined for corruption. People are good. Men are people, and when raised the right way and forced to confront the culture of sexism, they are good and capable of improvement.

This cancel culture we have subscribed to is ridiculous because it denies that people are good and doesn’t allow for growth. Some people are not to be trusted. I get it. And I get that there are things in this world that perhaps can not be forgiven. And there will always be people we can choose not to be associated with because of their choices. But the little mistakes? The medium mistakes? The behaviors we were raised to exhibit? Why on earth would you want to shun someone for those instead of trying to help them grow? People can learn from their mistakes, apologize, and become more aware and just. Why try to make someone’s life worse and call it justice when you could help someone make up for their actions while making the world a better place for all the people they know? And it would be a ripple effect.

Be a feminist. Change the world, one smaller issue at a time. Correct men. Correct women. Correct anyone of any gender. And let this apply to other corrupt systematic beliefs, like racism, homophobia, class discrimination, islamophobia, transphobia, all of it. Eliminate bigotry not by eliminating the bigots altogether, but by showing them how to unlearn their bias.

[thedupshadove]

For as long as H.P. Lovecraft’s work has been appreciated by members of all those minorities he made no secret of despising, people have been thinking of ways to twist and subvert his creations and premises so as to refute his bigoted beliefs. And I think I’ve got mine. I may be playing with fire here, but I’ve spent too much time and mental energy mulling over this not to want to know what others will think of it.

I want you to picture a young man named Robert Olmstead, somewhere between his mid-20s and early 30s. He is a fairly average sort of man, perhaps leaning slightly towards the dreamy and artistic over the athletic. He might lean quite a bit harder if he hadn’t, for all his life, loved the water with a fierce and burning passion. As a small child, he used to fuss when his mother tried to take him out of the bath. One of his earliest vivid memories is of when he was six years old and his family, who lived in Tennessee, took their first vacation to the ocean in his lifetime. The journey had been long, the hotel room had been too hot,  he had slept poorly, and by the time he and his parents had piled back into the car for the final leg of the trip to this “beach” thing he had been bound and determined not to enjoy it. But then they arrived. And he stepped out of the car. And he smelled something unlike anything he’d ever smelled before, and the smell seemed to call him forward, and he zipped ahead of his parents, heedless of his mother’s pleas to put on sunscreen, and he ran and he ran towards the smell and suddenly there it was, an endless endless expanse of beautiful, perfect water, the most amazing thing he’d ever seen, and he near to wept for joy and he needed to be in it, and he ran so fast his legs slipped out from under him twice but he just got up and kept running and finally, finally he was in it and it was the most beautiful feeling he’d ever felt in his life. It was six and a half hours before his parents could convince him to come out. And ever since then he has known that if he ever felt sad, or angry,  or stressed, or lonely, or just a little empty inside, getting himself into water was what helped. Even a bath was something, although space to swim was better, and a natural body of water was also better. So a swimming pool and a creek were about the same, both better than a bath, and a good-sized pond or stream was better than that, a real lake or river better still. But nothing was ever quite as good as the ocean, when he could get to it.

He grows up, and becomes a writer, or a painter, or an architect, or something else that allows him to work from home and take most of his work with him if he moves. (That’s for plot reasons. You’ll see.) And one summer, he decides to take a month to do some traveling around the Northeastern coast. He’s on his way to what was going to be his second stop, when he’s hit with sudden car trouble. He nurses it to the nearest mechanic shop, in a little spit of a Massachusetts fishing town called Innsmouth. The good news, they know what the problem is, and it should be a fairly easy and affordable fix. The bad news, they just ran out of a vital part they need to replace. They’ve already sent off to their supplier for a fresh shipment, but being as out in the boonies as they are,  it’ll be two weeks until said shipment gets there. Well, he won’t get to travel as much as he wanted on this holiday, but at least it’s happening towards the beginning rather than towards the end, eh? So, which way to the local Inn? Er...there isn’t one. Well...where is he supposed to stay? Especially with his now-limited mobility on account of his car just broke down?  Not to fret, there’s an old lady in town, one Hannah Marsh, who has a big empty house with plenty of bedrooms to spare. They’re sure she’ll let him stay with her, it’s just up that road, then you make a left at the little ice-cream shop…

He arrives, knocks, explains his situation, and she immediately hurries him inside with assurances that of course he can stay, not to worry, and he shouldn’t fret about his car either, she knows the boys who run the mechanic shop and they’re first-rate,  just the best, really if only he hadn’t had the bad luck to arrive just as they ran out of that one part he’d be back on the road by now. By time she’s finished imparting all of this, he finds that he’s sitting at her kitchen table with a fried fish sandwich and a glass of milk in front of him. He brings up the subject of the fee for two weeks room and she is shocked, shocked, that he would even suggest such a thing; “What does it cost me to let you sleep in my house, that I should turn around and charge you?” “But I’ll need to shower. What about the increased water bill?” “I’m on a fixed rate, it doesn’t matter how much I use, look at it one way you’ll be helping me get my money’s worth.” “Well if you intend to go on feeding me you might at least let me compensate you for the extra food.” “Hmm. Well, there are a few little home projects I’ve been meaning to get to, but keep putting off. Help me out with those, and we’ll call it square.”

So, after an afternoon spent settling into his room and helping her organize some boxes in the attic and a dinner of a lovely fish-and-potato casserole, Robert settles in for his first night in Innsmouth. In the middle of the night, he hears some movement in the house, and then the front door open and close. The next morning, he asks whether there was some kind of commotion that he had been negligent in not getting up for. “Oh, I just like to take a walk of a night to clear my head, nothing at all to worry about.”

And so, roughly, the next twelve days go. Robert helps Hannah with her little projects around the house, and when they’re not doing that, he often finds himself accompanying her in her daily goings-about. He stares longingly at the ocean once or twice, but it seems that he really likes this brisk little friendly yet bitingly witty old woman, and just keeps following her around. But as the days pass, the strangest feeling keeps creeping up on him, getting stronger each time it does. He’ll be walking through town, or get drawn into a chat with the greengrocer, stand by and listen while Hannah haggles over the price of a pound of fish, and all the while he’s noticing little differences, little things that the people in this town do that he’s never seen anywhere else, little differences in culture and an unfamiliar tilt to the architecture and what sound like religious oaths that he doesn’t recognize, but it feels...right. Feels good. Feels natural. Feels like home. Which is odd, because he’s certain he’s never been here before, and he certainly didn’t grow up in a town like this (Tennessee, remember?), so why does it seem that with every second he spends in this town, the rightness just keeps growing?

On the fourth day he wakes up to find a note from Hannah saying that she’ll be away most of the day, and so of course he shouldn’t be expected to do any of the projects on his own. First, he thinks he’ll take the opportunity to do some swimming, but as he’s walking down the shore he’s stopped by a local who hastily explains that unfortunately the ocean along the town can’t be swum in because...it will scare away the fishes. Yes, that’s it, so sorry to disappoint you, but with fishing being so vital to the local economy you can imagine how important it is to keep the fishes in the water, right? Right? Good, good.

Well, with that stymied,  Robert gets another idea; Hannah’s been such a lovely hostess, and sure he’s been helping her around the house, but he’d like to do something else to show his appreciation. Why doesn’t he make dinner tonight? So he spends the day going around to the various little markets, picking up all the ingredients he’ll need (all the while shadowed by that same inexplicable yet undeniable feeling of rightness and belonging), then takes it all back to Hannah’s house and starts cooking. As he chops and measures and stirs and tastes, he finds himself half-singing half-humming an old song he remembers his grandfather used to sing. And at 6:30 in the evening, Hannah comes home to a pot of fish stew on the table. As she smells the product and takes her first bite, one could almost suspect that a startle passes over her, but there’s nary a tremor in her voice when she asks him where he got the recipe from. “Oh, it’s an old family one.” he replies. “Goes at least as far back as my mother’s father’s mother, if I remember correctly.” “Oh indeed? Well, it’s quite lovely.”

On the evening before the sixth day, Hannah tells Robert that she’ll be gone tomorrow until probably about 1:30-2:00 in the afternoon; she’s going to a religious service. Some inner drive Robert can’t explain compels him to ask if he can come along. Hannah hesitates, then says yes, but warns him that things might look strange, and cautions him against hasty judgment. The next morning he wakes up on the early side, dresses in the best outfit he brought with him, and follows her to a building near the center of town that looks even more unusual than most of the buildings. Inside, it seems that virtually the whole of the town has gathered. They take their seats (not really any sort of pew setup, just a whole bunch of chairs willy-nilly around the large main room) and at first Robert starts to maybe regret tagging along to the services of what appears to be a completely unfamiliar faith. It’s mostly a lot of singing and chanting in a language he doesn’t recognize, but there is a little talking in English too, and from what he can gather there’s a god of some kind called Dagon who, if he’s anywhere in particular, is probably at the bottom of the ocean, and something about a pact, and remembering the balance between lives. As said,  at first it’s awkward for him, being the only person in the room who doesn’t understand what’s going on, but as the service continues that right feeling comes on him again, and he starts to find the atmosphere comforting, even if he isn’t sure of most of what’s being said.

After the service itself there’s a kind of reception/town gathering/informal lunch, and this is where that feeling really kicks into high gear. The food is hitting something in his soul that he hadn’t known he had, there’s strange yet hauntingly familiar music playing in one corner of the room, people are dancing, people are talking, people are laughing, and he nearly falls to his knees, buffeted by waves of right and yes and HomeHomeHome and You belong here, Robert Olmstead. But, he thinks, how can he feel that he belongs here? He knows he’s never been here, so much of this is new to him, yet it calls out to his soul. He wants, he wants...but how dare he, he suddenly realizes. Who is he, to waltz in here and start trying to insert himself? Trying to fit in, trying to be a part of this? No, no, this isn’t right. He has to stop this before he becomes no better than a common thief. And in a panic he runs out of the room and out of the building and then he does fall to his knees, on the ground outside,  gasping for breath and trying desperately to calm his spinning head.

Hannah, who had noticed him starting to look a bit uncomfortable and certainly noticed him rush out, follows him outside and asks, a little sadly, if he’s alright. Oh yes, he responds, yes he’s perfectly fine, he just needed some air, that’s all. So nothing he heard...disturbed him, she asks? What? Oh no, no, not at all! He replies hastily. No, he’s just...not good with crowds sometimes. Please, she shouldn’t let him keep her. She looks a little dubious, but nods and goes back inside, leaving him sitting on the ground, hugging his knees to his chest and wishing he could go swimming. Maybe that would settle his troubled soul.

That night,  not only does he hear the usual sounds of Hannah leaving the house,  he’d swear he hears the sound of some large group, coming from the direction of the sea.

The next few days are a little awkward. On the surface, nothing’s changed—helping Hannah around the house and tagging along with her if she has to go somewhere, chatting all the while, but now the talk seems the littlest bit strained, and he keeps catching her stealing sad, slightly worried glances at him, and of course there’s the fact that now he’s trying to actively hold himself back from feeling too much at home. But by the ninth day, things have settled back down a little (partially because, if he’s being honest, his attempts to not feel comfortable here weren’t working very well, and he’s started slacking off on them.)

But with that slacking off on trying to hold back comes the return of those feelings of guilt for how happy he is being here. And as the happiness builds, so does the guilt, and he spends most of his time wrestling back and forth in his head, scolding himself for his presumptuousness, pleading with his superego to be allowed to just enjoy it while he can, shaking his head in disgust at his interest, which is obviously just a result of encountering something new and exotic, and couldn’t possibly be justified...right? Right, he mustn’t go on like this, after all no one likes a grabby tourist. He doesn’t really belong here (but what if he could…) All this passive enjoyment is very wrong of him (but it feels so right…) Anyway, in just a few more days he’ll be leaving (he doesn’t want to…) and then this foolishness will subside (but what if…) No!

This mental battle stresses him so much that, on the twelfth night, he can’t even get to sleep, and so decides to take a walk along the shore in the hope of clearing his head. As he comes down to the beach he once again begins to hear the sounds of a crowd. He worries that going down to join whatever’s happening would be counter-intuitive to his goal of not inserting himself into this place, but he can’t quite dismiss his curiosity, so he slowly inches closer until he finds a bush he can hide behind (and yes, he does feel a little silly) and peek out around to see what’s going on...and it floors him.

Perhaps it shouldn’t. It’s just a large group of people, swimming and frolicking in the water and hanging out on the beach. But the thing about these people is...they’re Fish People. Bipedal, but with big eyes and scaly bodies and fins coming off, come on, we’ve all seen movies. And maybe it should be terrifying, but as I said, they’re not doing anything...menacing or evil. They’re just hanging out. But as he looks closer at them...he doesn’t quite know how,  but he can recognize some of them. There, that’s the greengrocer. And he thinks that one is one of the men who own the mechanic shop. And that one over there...that’s Hannah. Oh good grief, this is where she’s been going every night! And this must be the real reason why they didn’t want him swimming. And that commotion he heard on the night of the religious service—there had been something about balancing lives, after all. That must have been the other half of the service. Realizing this all at once, he’s unable to stifle a yelp of startled understanding, and then he passes out.

The next morning, he wakes up back in his bed in Hannah’s house. He shakes his head—was last night a dream?—but when he looks down at himself he sees that he’s covered in the scratches that must have come from fainting into a bush. He dresses slowly, cautiously makes his way downstairs, and finds Hannah in the kitchen standing over the stove. “So”, she asks tensely, “Did you sleep well?” “I don’t know”, he responds after a pause, “Did I?”

She turns around to face him. “Robert”, she asks, “have we hurt you? Have we imprisoned you? Have we done anything to make you fear us, or wish us harm?”  

“No”, he replies, confused, “certainly not.”

“Then...can I have your word that after you leave here, you won’t tell a soul what I’m about to tell you?”

“...Alright.”

And so the truth, or at least a sketch of the truth, comes out. Long, long, long ago, so long ago that a lot of the specific details are lost to history, an ancient civilization (no one seems to remember exactly where it was, although one supposes that it must have been coastal) started interbreeding with an aquatic race called the Deep Ones, as well as adopting their religion of worshiping the sea god Dagon. This went on long enough for the hybrids to become a race unto themselves. They can shape-shift between more human and more aquatic forms but must spend at least one hour per day in water (and generally prefer much more), and they are quite long-lived, with an average lifespan of 500 years. And then, some period of time after the hybrid race stabilized...something happened. We’re not sure what it was. We think it involved a neighboring tribe getting worried that these strange fish people were coming to kill them all. Or maybe it was just a land dispute. One of those. But anyway, the only way for the hybrid race to survive was to flee, cutting themselves off from their Deep One brothers and scattering to the four winds. Groups of them traveled here, there, everywhere, staying together in communities when they could, and even occasionally finding new communities of Deep Ones, though not very often. They’ve tried to keep their culture alive, as well as keeping themselves alive, but the general practice now is to keep their true natures secret from “normal” humans, after what happened way back when. A few times, someone or a small group of someones has tried revealing the secret, sick of hiding and convinced that peaceful coexistence should be possible, but as a rule that...hasn’t ended well. And around the turn of the 20th century, one group came to Massachusetts, and founded Innsmouth. So can he see why they didn’t want him finding out—and why she still doesn’t want him telling anyone? Yes, he can, and she has his word that he won’t.

But the next day and a half is, if anything, more awkward still. Because he had thought that finding out this outlandish truth might make his wonderful, impossible at-home feeling diminish, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t at all. And now he only feels more guilty about it—oh, he feels kinship with these people? He dared to think he might have a place here? Among these people who have had nothing but bullshit thrown at them for thousands of years, who have to keep themselves secret and hidden away, and he wants to, what, join up? Because he likes the food? Robert Jonathan Olmstead, you are a heartless, greedy moron.

And then, just after noon on the fourteenth day, one of the mechanics stops by to tell him that his car is ready. And he has no choice but to thank him, and pay, and take his car back, and pack up his things, and thank Hannah for being such a lovely hostess (“Nonsense, nonsense, thank you for being such a help.”) and get behind the wheel, and, pushing down the ache in his heart with all his might, drive away from Innsmouth. He finds he just isn’t in the vacation mood anymore, opting to just go straight home.

For the next three months, he tries to settle back into life. He tries not to think about Innsmouth, and sometimes succeeds for as much as half an hour at a time (and no, sleep is no respite. Not a single night goes by that he doesn’t dream he’s back there.) But he finds himself incorporating elements of what he saw in Innsmouth into his own work, and has to hastily remove it. And he finds life increasingly...empty, which drives him into whatever water he can get to more and more often. And his eyes are starting to get dry more easily.

And then a local newspaper challenges its readers to trace their family history and find something interesting to write about, and what the hey, he could use a distraction. So he digs out all the family records he can find. It’s mostly pretty boring stuff, with everybody concentrated in the Chattanooga area for several generations back, except for his mother’s paternal grandfather. Who married a girl who seemed to bring none of her relatives with her into the family, but said she came from a small fishing town in Massachusetts. One Hannah Marsh.

Head spinning, he piles into his car first chance he can get and drives straight back to Innsmouth, barely stopping until he’s right outside Hannah’s house, and practically racing up her front step to breathlessly knock on her door. She seems pleased to see him, but surprised,  had he forgotten something when he left and only just noticed it now?

“No, I...look, can I come in?”

“Alright.”

And so they sit down on the couch in her front parlor.

“Hannah, I...” even if there was a tactful way to say this, he’s too keyed-up to find it, “I’m your great-grandson.”

“Yes.”

“So you knew? The whole time I was with you?”

“No. Only after you made my soup.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“At first, explaining how would have meant giving up The Secret. And by time I had to do that anyway, I...was pretty sure you wouldn’t have been happy to hear it.”

“...What?”

“Well as the days went by you started to seem so nervous whenever we were around town. And you had to rush out of the temple because you just couldn’t stand it. So I figured we’d both be better off if I didn’t burden you with the knowledge that you were connected to the freaks on the shore, no?” She’s trying not to sound to hurt, and not succeeding particularly well.

“Is...is that what you thought? Yes, I can see how it must have been. But it wasn’t.” And out it all comes as he pours into her lap the story of his tangled emotions all those two weeks, of the stirring sense of home that he had fought to push down, of how it seemed that the very air of this place had called back memories of his grandfather that he’d buried for so long; of songs and stories and little snippets that seemed to come from nowhere but now it makes sense! They came from here! And when he’s done explaining it all, and watching the strangest set of expressions cross Hannah’s face, he musters his courage and asks the questions that really drove him here. His work is portable. He doesn’t really have that many roots where he lives currently. So could he...could he come back? Move up here and try to...to be a Deep One properly? To learn how it all goes and really do it?

Hannah closes her eyes and turns her head away from him. “No.”

His heart sinks. It feels like an ice-cube has been dropped down his spine. But...he’s come too far, dangit! He has to press on. To at least try to understand “Why not?”

“Robert, do you know why I married your great-grandfather? Because I was sick of it. Not of these people, nor even really of this place,  but of being stuck in this place. Of having to huddle here because the wide world won’t accept us. And though I loved your great-grandfather—no, don’t look at me like that, I did! But keeping this secret from him, artificially aging myself until, as I always knew, deep down, that I would have to, I faked my death and came back here...it was insane. And the lengths we have to go to in order to have any interaction with the outside world. The secrecy, the hiding of something so fundamental to who we are...you don’t want to be a part of this, Robert.”

But I do! He thinks, but since that track has already failed, he instead tries “I’m not sure I have a choice. Ever since I left here, I think I’ve been...changing. I’m starting to need water more and more often. A couple of times it’s almost seemed like I could breathe underwater. So can I come back?”

“No. What you’re talking about happens sometimes. I’m not the first to mix with humans,  not by a long shot. The results of such unions certainly have the potential to become full Deep One hybrids, but they also have every opportunity not to. What you need to do is start spending a lot less time in water, especially submerged. Take showers instead of baths. Avoid lakes and rivers. Breathe no salten air. The burgeoning transformation will subside, in time.”

I don’t want it to! He thinks desperately, and he can’t stop the escaping “But...”

Hannah sighs, “Go home, Robert.”

“I’m trying.”

Again she closes her eyes, sucks in a breath, and turns away, but this time she says, very quietly, “Ask me again.”

“Can I come back?”

Hannah opens her eyes, and they’re shining. A smile breaks over her face. “Yes,” she says softly, “Yes, yes, yes.”

“R...really? Just like that? What changed your mind?”

“Nothing. I had to try to talk you out of it. I’m sorry. We can talk about it.” She’s shaking with joy and, he realizes, so is he. “But I’m so glad you’re doing this. And I’ll be there with you, every step of the way.”

He can’t help it. He throws his arms around her, and they stay that way for some time, crying a little and hugging each other.

[evieyuzukaisabigot]

I want to preface this post by saying that I struggled on if I should write it or not. I don’t think callout posts are entirely useful in changing someone’s behavior and, more often than not, end up making them feel as if they are still in the right. It is not my intention for this person to be harassed. It is my intention to warn other players about them so that those players can avoid this person.

That being said, you could have avoided this, Evie. But you decided to make logs public on Reddit in order to attack <EMBER>. You posted those logs in three separate threads under the username FlayFlag. So, here we go.

This is a post about Evie Yuzuka, also known as Narumi Malaguld and Ellie Amor.

On June 2nd, 2019 you joined The Order of Ember roleplay free company (also known as <EMBER>). Less than two hours later, an individual that led another roleplay free company whispered one of the officers to warn them about your behavior.  When the officer in question brought this up to you, you said that you had changed and that you hoped you could start with a clean slate. You then proceeded to whisper your previous free company leader to harass them for warning <EMBER>. Screenshots here, though I’ve edited out the name of the person Evie whispered since I don’t have their consent to post their name.

Trust me when I say that this level of harassment is not uncommon from Evie, as you will soon see.

At the same time that this warning took place, multiple members of <EMBER> mentioned knowing of you or having a problem with your attitude. Still, the officer staff decided to give you a chance, seeing as you had claimed that you were trying to better yourself.

Five days later, you spent the early morning of June 7th, 2019 being a transphobe. Yikes.

I was not a witness to this exchange, as I personally would have taken screenshots rather than a text log. Still, I will post the text log here. Please keep in mind that some of the language used here can be upsetting, so proceed at your own risk. While Evie is not on their main, they are on an alt (named Narumi Malaguld). I have taken the liberty of highlighting Narumi/Evie’s responses so that the log is easier to read.This took place in Ul’dah shout chat.

I think I can speak for us all when I say: gross.

During or immediately after this conversation, Evie was pulled into a chat with <EMBER>’s officers. These screenshots are presumably taken by Evie, as they were posted to the aforementioned Reddit threads.

Here is a link to the imgur.

Here is a backup link in case the first one gets deleted.

The officers attempted to be reasonable. You had been warned already not to start drama and yet you did. You decided to be a transphobe in the middle of Ul’dah in a public channel while representing <EMBER>. On a roleplay server, you are often as good as your reputation. It’s fine if you want to throw your reputation in the gutter – that’s your prerogative. But as a representative of the free company, you might as well have been screaming that <EMBER> held the same beliefs you do. When you found out that what you did was not okay, you pitched a fit.

And then you got kicked.

You have this bizarre need to constantly be on a crusade, Evie. If you feel you’ve been wronged, you need to be vindicated. While I don’t have the context of this exchange, here is another set of screenshots of Evie starting drama with what appears to be a Coeurl roleplay group. The language used by Evie alone was enough to raise my eyebrows when I first read it.

Here’s the thing: I don’t care about the drama concerning <EMBER>. What I care about is that fact that you’re transphobic, Evie. Final Fantasy XIV has an amazing LGBTQ+ community. You said during your argument in shout chat and during your conversation with the officers of <EMBER> that it is just your opinion and that thoughts are different than actions. What you fail to realize is that by normalizing your highly bigoted opinion, you are making it okay to commit acts of violence against the people you say those things about.

Frankly, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I said in the beginning of this post that I was conflicted about writing this. That was, of course, until your Reddit post. You could have kept quiet. You could have slinked away to lick your wounds. You don’t know who I am but I’ve been watching this unfold from the beginning. In the words of a very old copypasta from the internet, with some liberties:

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know that I graduated top of my class in Limsa Lominsa. I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Bahamut and I have over 300 confirmed wipes. I am trained in PvP warfare and I’m the top roleplayer in the entire Crystal data center. You are nothing to me but just another bigot. I will wipe you the fuck out with DPS the likes of which has never been seen before in Eorzea, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to my friends over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak, I’m contacting my secret network of spies and your various accounts are being tracked right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your roleplay character. You’re fucking ruined, Evie. I can be anywhere, anytime, and screenshot you in over seven hundred ways and that’s just me alone. Not only only am I extensively trained in /random combat but I have access to the entire catalog of custom combat systems on Crystal and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little comment was going to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You will drown in it. You’re fucking ruined, kiddo.”

That’s all I have to say about that. Thanks for reading.

Wait, one more thing: don’t use the same username across your different accounts.

The Links

Lodestone links:

Evie Yuzuka lodestone (main character), ID #20466185

Narumi Malaguld lodestone (alt #1). ID#23056294

Ellie Amor lodestone (alt #2), ID#18928985

Social media:

Evie’s Twitter (Confirmed via the discord link in which Evie is the owner of the server)

Evie’s Twitch (Linked in the twitter)

Evie’s Steam (Private but the same logo as the twitter is present)

Evie’s REAL Reddit profile (Confirmed by being linked to the Twitter)

While I can’t link it, Evie’s discord username is Evie#1000

Imgur links/logs:

The conversation with <EMBER>’s officers

The Coeurl conversation

The Ul’dah log

A picture from this thread that I thought was funny. Why do you have such a problem with authority?

Miscellaneous:

Evie’s Wildstar character names, just in case anyone recognizes them: Kiarri Shimizu (if you google this, Evie Yuzuka’s lodestone profile pops up), Evie Miura. Evie might also have been Azami Starflower, but I’m not absolutely positive of that.

PS: I’m not an officer of <EMBER>. They are my friends and I’m just nice enough to stand up for them since they’re all too nice to say anything.

[ian-the-existential-crisis]

I really like your hanahaki story, In the Language of Flowers, but hanahaki is so sad. May I get a tikki and plagg fluff?

Fluff... fluff? Fluff???? I don't know that word.

Plagg wasn't exactly the type of person who would go to clubs. In fact, he hated them with a passion. The music was too loud, the people were always too close, and the smell of those stupidly sweet alcohols were always way to pungent. So, yeah, this wasn't exactly his ideal place.

"Trixx can we go?" He tried not to whine. He wasn't a whiny person, but this place was just so freaking awful.

"Why?" They looked at him with golden eyes. The shot in their hand said everything they didn't want to. "We haven't even reached the fun part yet."

"I don't find waking up hungover in some random person's bed, not knowing what I did or didn't do with them 'fun'. That is the exact opposite of 'fun' to me." Plagg rolled his eyes.

"Well aren't you a party pooper?" They teased him. "Once we hit the dance floor you'll be fine."

"We?" Plagg gave a hollow laugh. "No, I don't dance."

"What if you find someone pretty? Then what? You just going to shy away?" Trixx grabbed Plagg by the shoulder.

"Despite common belief, I don't like hooking up with random people I don't know. If there's someone attractive I would rather talk to them than let them grind on my dick and smash."

Trixx rolled their eyes. "You're such an old man." They then pointed across the dance floor at a tiny blond guy and a red haired woman. "I like the tiny blonde and you can't lie to me, I know you have a soft spot for redheads."

"You never listen. What are you going to do if they are together?"

"Are you even looking at his shoes? There is no way in hell he's straight. A straight man would never wear those shoes with that shirt."

Okay, so maybe the blonde was wearing a revealing shirt, a crop top is what they might have been called (Plagg didn't keep up on trends). "Isn't that a little, uh…"

"It's not a bigoted statement if it's coming from someone who has been there and done that." Trixx informed them. Which, by the way, was totally untrue, but whatever a drunk Trixx was a right Trixx because Plagg didn't feel like fighting.

"So what?" The black haired male asked. "You want me to sweep her off her feet so you can have a chance with the obviously underaged child over there."

"Yes!" Trixx's eyes shone with hope. "And who cares if he's underaged. Might I remind you that our I.D.s are fake too."

"Whelp." Plagg shrugged off his friend's arm. "Go have fun. Maybe I'll have a halfway decent conversation. Probably not if she's hammered."

...

The weirdest thing was, she wasn't drunk. She was sitting at the bar alone by the time he made his way over to her. And she also didn't seem like the kind of person to frequent these places.

"So, let me get this straight, your friend likes my friend and my friend likes yours so they pretty much brought us both here to ditch us on each other?" She gave a laugh.

Her name was Tikki. She hadn't been too shy about telling him that her friend, Pollen, had been eyeing Trixx across the dance floor. She also hadn't been quiet about her distaste for loud music and the smell of sweet from the mostly twenty year olds and beer.

"Next time they know they can just hook up and leave us out of this." Plagg grinned.

"I could be anywhere else."

"Me too."

"But you know." She grinned. "I'm kinda glad Pollen dragged me out. I usually end up grateful, but this time especially."

"Oh? And why's that?"

"Well, because meeting you was enchanting. I've seen you before at school, but I never had the chance to talk to you."

"That's not a phrase you hear every day." An enchanting meeting. It was definitely uncommon.

"I tell it like it is." She shot back. Plagg could have sworn he saw her wink.

Bars weren't his place. Neither were clubs. He would rather stay in, somewhere quiet. But maybe Tikki was right. He would have to thank Trixx later. Tonight was looking up.

[bitchboi2000-blog]

Is Asexuality LGBT (An Essay?--This is longer than I intended it to be lol)

I know I’ve never really made a post on here before, I usually enjoy looking at other peoples’ content and not contributing to much myself since I usually don’t feel I have anything to share, talent or information-wise. However, I’ve recently been seeing a lot of arguing over a certain topic, and although I’ve sort of seen it before, for some reason this theme has been heating up a lot lately and now that it’s becoming more frequently apparent, it’s been something I’ve thought about a lot more. There’s one YouTuber I enjoy the content of, and I generally agree with his views and opinions on various subjects, and when he brought this topic up in one of his videos that I only recently discovered, I found myself a little... disappointed. I still understand where he was coming from and respect why he felt the way he did, but I feel that he was also pretty uneducated on the subject and, since I know many other people seem to be as well, I thought maybe, just maybe, I could put something out there that might, hypothetically, shed some light. Just giving my own opinion, stance, and thoughts to consider for anyone on any side of the argument.

And what is this controversial topic, you may ask?

Whether or not asexuality is included in the LGBT(+) community.

Many people say they are, many people say they aren’t. I think both stances are valid, but the reasons why someone may claim one or the other is something that I find a particular issue with. To me, whether or not asexuality is in the LGBT community is sort of a grey area, it’s not so easy to say because it’s not quite so obvious. Asexuality is a spectrum, and this topic is complicated.

First, I’m going to go over why many people claim they shouldn’t be included in the community (and whether or not I agree with those claims). Then, I’ll go over why many people claim they should be part of the community (and whether or not I agree with those claims), and, finally, I’ll give my own personal opinion and stance.

To start with: Why it isn’t.

1. “The LGBT community is for people who have sexual attraction to the same sex! If you don’t have any sexual attraction, you wouldn’t belong with the LGBT!”

     -- I don’t 100% agree. The LGBT community isn’t exclusive to people who feel same-sex attraction. Bisexuality exists, and they aren’t exclusively attracted to the same sex. Also! Transgender people exist, and they could be 100% heterosexual but because they’re trans, they’re still part of the LGBT community! And, therefore, the LGBT community isn’t restricted only to your sexual orientation being geared toward the same sex. So although this doesn’t debunk the claim on whether or not asexuality should be included, it’s something to consider.

2. “If you lack sexual attraction to someone, nobody’s discriminating against you. It’s not even in the same realm as being lesbian or gay.”

     -- I could agree with this to an extent. The discrimination asexuals face, historically, aren’t the same as those who are gay or trans. Just like the discrimination bisexuals face isn’t the same as a homosexual. They may be similar, but they’re different. Likewise, asexuals--contrary to this popular belief--do experience discrimination. It may look different, and they may be treated differently, and sometimes it’s with less severity of homosexuality, but discrimination is discrimination. I don’t mind people saying that asexuals don’t experience the same sort of discrimination as trans and homosexual people, because that’s true! But I do have an issue with people claiming that they don’t experience discrimination because that’s not true. At least, not always.      Are there asexuals who have experienced no discrimination? Absolutely. For some asexuals, the worst that’s happened to them is that people look at them in confusion, respect their identity, or perhaps make jokes about how they’re a plant (which when done in a light-hearted attitude is just an annoyance, but they’re not being treated any differently or as any less of a human being).      However, there are asexuals who do.      For many years, asexuality was considered to be a mental illness. That there was something “wrong” with a person because they didn’t have any sexual desires. Similar to a form of discrimination that many homosexuals face, many people try to invalidate asexuality by saying “you only feel that way as a defense mechanism after being sexually abused”. This is implying that you can’t truly be of your sexual orientation unless you were harmed in some way, and although defense mechanisms are a valid way of coping with trauma, claiming that someone is only of their sexual orientation because of their trauma is incredibly rude, invalidating, and uneducated. Heterosexuals can still be heterosexual even if they’ve been sexually abused, and homosexuals can be homosexual even if they’ve never been sexually abused. A person’s sexuality is a part of who they are, it’s not a choice or something that “happened” to them. It’s not something someone can change (you can change your behavior for your sake or someone else’s, but you can’t change who you are. It’s how closeted homosexuals can pass being in a heterosexual relationship--because their desire for emotional and/or physical survival outweighs their natural attraction to the same sex, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t homosexual). So, for asexuality to be written off as a coping mechanism due to trauma is, in a way, a form of discrimination. It’s saying that what that person feels and is experiencing isn’t real or valid, and it can be very harmful and damaging to a person in many ways.      Many people do see asexuals as “broken people” or as if there was something wrong with them. Even if they don’t believe it’s something their doing as a “coping mechanism” and respect asexuality as a sexual orientation, they still think there’s something wrong with being asexual. Just like how some people can respect that homosexuality is a sexual orientation, and even believe it’s not something they can help, but still think there’s something wrong with homosexual people. Asexuals are often seen as cold, frigid, emotionless, unloveable people, and are even associated with not being human. Even though it is often said in a joking light (though not always), there’s always the questions and claims rising up of “sexuality is part of human nature, you’re going against nature’s design and natural calling”, “humans are sexual beings, so, therefore, there’s something wrong with you and you must not be human”, “are you secretly a robot or something? How can you not feel anything??”. These are all very dehumanizing, and when an asexual is faced with these questions and claims, it can very much leave a person feeling lost, or like there’s something wrong with them and they’re not “normal”. Treating someone, like there’s something wrong with them (due to their sexuality), implying that someone may not be human, suggesting that they must be cold and callous and aren’t desirable in a friendship or relationship, is all a form of discrimination that can hurt a person’s psyche, is it not?      Some asexuals are sexually assaulted because the assaulter believes they can “fix” the asexual and turn them straight/homosexual/whatever. “Corrective rape” is just as much discrimination for a homosexual as it is for an asexual. The root is discrimination against the victim’s sexuality, the result is a scarring act of violence.      Some asexuals, believe it or not, are not accepted by their families for their orientation. On the most minor level, they’re dismissed and treated as a “late bloomer”, on the worst level, they’re sent to a conversion camp because being asexual is “just as bad as homosexuality” simply because, in some religious beliefs, not reproducing is going against god’s plan and design for you and is therefore a sin. I’ve not yet heard of an asexual being kicked out of their house for being asexual, but that doesn’t mean all asexuals are accepted by their family and don’t experience discrimination from loved ones (which is why, again, the discrimination may look different, but it’s still there).      Some people hold the belief that anyone who isn’t cisgender and heterosexual is, somehow, crazy, uneducated, irrational, and in religious contexts, a sinner or abomination. Because of this, sometimes, if someone claims to be asexual, they are automatically lumped in with these negative claims. Similar to how just being homosexual can give you a “bad” rep, in some cases, just being anything other than heterosexual can give you that same “bad rep”, and asexuality is included in that.      It’s not as common, but you absolutely can be killed for being asexual. To be fair, you can be murdered for just about any reason or motive, but if you think that being asexual is taken off of the list, you’re completely wrong. Just as a cishet woman could potentially be killed by a man for rejecting his romantic/sexual advances and a cis lesbian or trans man could be murdered for prejudiced and bigotted beliefs, asexuality absolutely could be a reason for a hateful, violent person to attack another individual. It’s not the most common form of discrimination for ace people, it’s not the most known form of discrimination for ace people, ace people aren’t more popularly known for being at risk for this (though are ace people commonly known by society, anyway?), but do not think that just because someone’s asexual they are automatically unqualified to be targetted for violence. Violence can happen to anyone, for any reason, at any time.      And, if you wanted to go there, asexuals can also potentially be discriminated against when people claim it’s not a real sexuality. Asexuals are often rejected by both the heterosexual community (from being very clearly not heterosexual) and rejected by the LGBT community (for being very clearly not homosexual, either). Not being seen as belonging in either community can certainly be a form of discrimination and ostracization. Not the worst form of it, but certainly a form.

3. “I don’t really have an issue with asexuality, but heteromantic asexuals are basically just heterosexual, so they don’t belong in the community at all.”

     -- I understand this claim and, to a degree, respect it. There are many asexual heteromantic cisgender people who in no way identify with the LGBT community because they just don’t see themselves as “queer” in any way, so they don’t fit in. Because asexuals don’t experience sexual attraction, that’s one less thing they can bond with LGBT members over (since cishet asexuals don’t experience discrimination for their gender or who they fell in love with in fifth grade). And because the LGBT community can so often have a hypersexual air about it, many asexuals themselves don’t feel like they belong there. Some people are okay with asexuals being in the LGBT community because they’re also homo/biromantic or transgender. So for a lot of people, whether or not you belong in the LGBT community depends on whether or not you in any way fit into one of the existing acronyms and not whether or not you’re of marginalized sexuality. To a degree, I respect this. Many LGBT people don’t want their safe space to be invaded by cishet (as in both of those things simultaneously in the same person) people since those people so often have oppressed them, and though they love their cishet friends, the LGBT community just isn’t their space to be. Just like you may love your little sister but when she’s constantly barging into your bedroom it gets annoying because--she has a room of her own! And you two spend time with each other in the rest of the house! Why does she have to come into your room when you’re with your friends and you really just want to enjoy their company without your sister being involved?! And, because cishet(eromantic) asexual people still pass as being cishet, they’re often lumped in the same group and aren’t really welcomed into the community. Which, again. I understand that and kind of respect it. But, on the other hand--if cishet asexual people also feel alienated by cis heterosexual/romantic people, then it feels like they have nowhere to go--so I also understand why they turn to the LGBT community and try to find a place there. The LGBT community is known for being a place of acceptance for discriminated/oppressed sexualities and gender identities, so it’s understandable why an asexual would feel more at home among those sorts of people.      Basically, my point is that I understand this view point, and I respect it. I don’t 100% agree, but I don’t really disagree, either. I’ll get more onto this in the end when I go over my own stance.

4. “The A stands for Ally!”

     -- lol that’s debatable. A lot of people don’t even like to call it the LGBTQIA+ community because it becomes too many letters, and they just go by LGBT--which certainly doesn’t have an A. Even if you are being inclusive of all those little letters, whether the A actually stands for asexual or ally is debatable. Many asexuals believe the A stands for asexuality--because asexuality is an actual minority sexual orientation, meanwhile just being an ally of the LGBT community isn’t in any way actually being a part of the community. Because you just support it. But you aren’t in it. So I understand why many people claim the A is for asexuality and not for being an “ally”. Because allyship isn’t a sexuality lol when you’re an ally you’re literally saying you’re cishet, not part of the community, but you support the community. Which is really nice and awesome, but I don’t understand why you’d have a letter included in that community when you’re not... part of that community. It’s like saying “that’s great that this is a charity for starving children, but could you also include the wealthy fed people in the title? Why? Well because we’re donating to help the starving children! So we should be included in the name of this charity!! We’re a very big part of it!!” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a supportive ally (it’s incredibly important that we have you guys), but the community isn’t for you--so when people try to claim that the A is for “ally”, I just... I don’t think so. I don’t agree. I understand why asexuals are trying to claim the A.

5. “The A stands for Ally so closeted people can still join!”

     -- I completely respect this. 100%. So many closeted people want to be proud of who they are, but for their own safety, they can’t. So claiming to be an “ally”, going to pride events because they’re an “ally”, etc. is a great way for them to still interact, still be part of the community, while keeping their safety. I absolutely don’t mind the A being included in the acronym if it’s being used as a cover identity for closeted individuals. I think it’s great that it can be used that way and fully support that. If someone wants to use the A in the acronym because they secretly are LGBT and want to be included in the community while being safely closeted, I think that’s fine. If you try to tell me that the A stands for ally because supporting the LGBT community means you’re deserving to be part of the community, and asexuals don’t belong to be part of the community because the A is for ally and not for asexuality, then I don’t agree with you. Because in that scenario you’re literally forcing yourself into a community you’re not technically a part of, while simultaneously trying to push out an actual minority sexuality.

6. “Asexuality is a choice”

     -- Absolutely not. Celibacy and asexuality are two different things. If you don’t think asexuality belongs in the LGBT community because you think asexuality is a choice, you should first educate yourself on what asexuality actually is and then please restate your opinion and stance. You can be a celibate homosexual. Celibacy is a choice. Asexuality is a sexual orientation. One is something you choose despite the desire, one is a sexual orientation--something you can’t help or change even though you may want to because of how society treats you.

7. “I’m fine with agender, but not asexuality because you still have dysphoria and transition, so you’re still trans, but with asexuality you’re not changing anything. You’re not being discriminated against, nothing’s happening to you”

     -- As far as the discrimination thing goes, I think you can read one of my above statements to know that I completely disagree. And as far as needing to change, that’s not accurate, either. Trying to compare a sexuality to a gender identity is comparing apples and oranges. Yes, both have an “a” to represent the lack of something, but they’re two completely different things. Your sexuality isn’t supposed to change. Like, I suppose an asexual can “change” their lifestyle by coming out, accepting who they are, and becoming more comfortable in their sexual orientation, wearing more pride colors if they felt like it, and making shitty puns--which would be no different than with a homosexual person doing those same things. But of course, those “changes” are completely different than a trans person’s changing process. They’re two entirely different things. Saying an asexual doesn’t belong in the LGBT community because they’re not “changing” and “nothing is happening to them” is completely irrelevant because we’re not talking about gender identity here, we’re talking about sexuality. This is an invalid argument. 

8. “There are no asexual icons who are advocating for the LGBT community.” “Historically, asexuals aren’t contributing to the LGBT community, they haven’t fought for any of our rights, so they don’t belong in the LGBT community”.

     -- I admit I don’t know too much history and every political figure to know whether or not this is true. My guess is that in all the history of the world, I’m sure there’s been at least one asexual person who’s advocated and fought for LGBT related things (maybe they didn’t have the word to describe their sexuality, but still fought for the community nonetheless). But, even if, hypothetically, there were no LGBT activists who were asexual, ever, in the history of mankind.      ...Do you need to be an advocate to be part of the community? Many LGBT people are happy living their lives, grateful to those who have fought for their rights and basking in those liberations without going to protests or marches, themselves. Not every person has to go to war to enjoy living in safety. Similarly, you can still be part of the LGBT community without being an advocate, yourself. This is kind of rude for every LGBT person who’s never faced discrimination (because society is changing, and there are some--even if few--who haven’t been horribly discriminated against for their sexuality) or hasn’t actively participated in any marches, protests, or historical events. But that doesn’t mean they’re not gay. Just like there’s been many people who have fought for gay rights, trans rights, who have gone to marches and made a change, historically, who aren’t gay themselves. They did it because it was the right thing to do, because they cared, they were able to, because they were an ally. I feel this is also an invalid argument because whether someone should be part of the LGBT community, in my opinion, shouldn’t be depending on whether or not they’ve personally contributed something significant to it. But idk that’s just my opinion. I understand where this argument is coming from and what they’re trying to say, I just don’t entirely think it’s a valid argument to exclude a particular sexuality.

Now, reasons why people claim that asexuality should be part of the LGBT community.

1. “The LGBT community is a community for any minority sexual orientation or gender! And, therefore, asexuality should be included!

     -- I don’t completely agree. I do feel like the LGBT community is more reserved for minority sexualities and gender identities who have been discriminated against, oppressed, and have been mistreated by society in one way or another for their identity. And although, yes, many minority sexualities do get odd looks and people may make fun of you or tease you or think you’re stupid or crazy, that’s not really legitimate discrimination (in my opinion) where you would need a “safe place” or an entire community of your own. You don’t need a support group (in my opinion). Demisexuality is a valid orientation, I’m glad there’s a word for it--since it’s a more specific term than just saying you’re heterosexual or homosexual and people getting the wrong idea when they hit you up for a one night stand. I don’t think demisexuality is oppressed and I don’t think it needs to be in the LGBT community--if you were demiheterosexual, cisgender, heteromantic, I don’t personally think you’d be part of the LGBT community just because you have a little demi in there and are ““technically”” of a “minority” “”sexuality””. Someone can be “homoflexible” as their sexuality, and it’s a valid sexuality, I’m glad there’s a specific word for it, and that’s fine. Maybe someone prefers to identify with the minority sexuality of “homoflexible” instead of claiming to be bisexual, and that’s fine. They’re still part of the LGBT community because they mostly are attracted to the same sex and thus are extremely prone to the discrimination 100% homosexual people experience.      My point is, I don’t think minority sexualities are invalid, I’m glad there’s words out there that exist for them. Having specific labels, precise identifiers, particular words that exactly describe you are important to a lot of people, so having those terms and minority labels are perfectly fine with me. I have no issue with it if someone identifies as demihomosexual panromantic cis man. I now have a more precise idea of your orientation and identity, so I like that. I do have an issue with people saying that just because it’s in the minority it belongs in the LGBT community. There’s fine lines and grey areas, sure. But just because it’s “out of the usual” doesn’t mean it belongs. I say this because then people get confused and think they can any less-common sexuality or identity into the LGBT community which not only makes us sometimes look like crazy fools to the rest of the world (I’m sorry, I don’t believe in stargender), and then you get people who think they’re part of the LGBT community and want to have everything inclusive of them and revolving around them just because they’re lithosexual and loses feelings for every person they’ve been with--even though they’re heterosexual and cisgender. It’s fine that they identify as lithosexual (even though they’re also heterosexual and cisgender), but that doesn’t necessarily mean the LGBT community is for them.      But just because it’s a minority sexuality or identity doesn’t mean it’s necessarily part of the LGBT community, that the LGBT community is for them, or that the LGBT community will accept them (and when they get rejected that they have every right to fight their way inside the community they were rejected from anyway). The SAGA(sexuality and gender acceptance) community is accepting of every gender and sexual orientation, so that’s the perfect place for any minority that wants a place to belong when they don’t quite fit for the LGBT community.

2. The A means “Asexuality”!

     -- That’s entirely debatable. I don’t personally know who was the first one to put “A” in the LGBT+ acronym, but that person is the only one who can clarify what the A means. As far as I know, the A could mean “Ally” (meant to be used for closeted people), it could mean “Asexuality”, and neither has been confirmed or proven. Not trying to invalidate, or say asexuality is or isn’t in the LGBT community, just I don’t think this is the strongest argument.

3. “Asexuals are discriminated against and if you’re being discriminated against, you belong in the LGBT community!”

     -- Again, I don’t entirely agree with that mindset. As I’ve made it clear above, I don’t think that just because you’re being discriminated against means you’re part of the LGBT community. You could be a pedophile, and there will be backlash with your predatory behavior, and that doesn’t mean you’re valid and belong to be in the LGBT community. You could really like pineapple on your pizza, and maybe your friends make fun of you or bully you for it, but just because you’re being ~”discriminated”~ against doesn’t mean you’re LGBT. You can face oppression for your religious beliefs, but that doesn’t make you LGBT.

4. “Asexuality is a minority sexuality that’s faced discrimination and they don’t really belong in the hetero community, so they feel more comfortable and safe in the LGBT community and I think we should be accepting of them, because I’ve been mistreated for my sexuality, and I don’t want to send them away.”

     -- There are many LGBT people who are accepting of asexuals and think they belong in the community because many asexuals feel like they have nowhere else they really belong, identify as a minority sexual orientation, and feel more comfortable identifying as part of the LGBT community. Considering asexuality isn’t heterosexuality (and unlike demisexuality where there can be grey lines, it is very OBVIOUSLY not heterosexuality), and many asexuals do experience some form of discrimination or invalidation of who they are, many LGBT people think there’s nothing wrong in including them into the LGBT community, and many LGBT people feel that the LGBT community should be accepting of asexuality because they personally feel that asexuality fits in well enough with the LGBT community and certainly is too different from heterosexuality to be seen as anything other than “queer”. I personally don’t think this is a necessarily wrong or bad reason to support asexuality belonging in the LGBT community.

Now, here’s my opinion. And I know what you’re about to say: “But you were just spending this whole post talking about your opinion!!” Yes!! I was!! I was giving various claims and arguments on whether or not asexuality should be part of the LGBT community, and what my thoughts on those arguments were. But now I just want to fully express my stance and beliefs.

I believe, ultimately, that it depends entirely from case to case. I believe some asexuals belong in the LGBT community (and not because they’re also biromantic or trans or something else), and I believe some asexuals don’t belong in the LGBT community (and not because they’re cisgender and heteromantic).

Asexuality is a minority sexuality, but it’s far more common than people think. There have been researches on it, statistics drawn, and it’s not some random, obscure sexuality that only a hundred people “vibe” with. It’s 1% of the population, roughly, which puts them at about the same frequency as transgender people (who are also roughly 1% of the world’s population). Because of this, I don’t think asexuality is some extremely minor, incredibly niche group of people. I think that as far as minority sexualities go, asexuality is common enough, present enough, and exists frequently enough in people to be part of the LGBT community. I believe asexuality can experience discrimination due to their sexuality--and because it’s not some incredibly rare thing that only 20 people identify as, I believe this discrimination is in more valid need of a space and community than some obscure identity like placiosexuality (which is more of a preference in action, not a distinct sexuality that stands on its own--it’s a modifier to a sexuality, but not a sexuality distinctly on its own).

And, as such, I personally feel that it vibes well with the LGBT community, and I don’t personally have an issue with it being in the LGBT community. If a bisexual person experiences discrimination for being bisexual, but ultimately can still live a “straight passing” relationship and escape from their oppression, and still be considered LGBT, I think that a heteromantic asexual, who is discriminated against and oppressed for their asexuality, and struggles to be in relationships even though they’re “hetero” can also be part of the LGBT community. If an asexual person is struggling with their identity, is being discriminated against, is afraid that their partners might act out violently against them because of their sexuality (or pressure and coerce them into sexual activity that the person doesn’t want to engage in), they’ve been ostracized by their family, mistreated by their friends, all for their sexuality--I understand why they’d turn to the LGBT community, a community known for being accepted of sexualities that aren’t otherwise accepted by society, and hope to find a place where they belong in that community. And if an asexual person experienced all of those things because of their sexuality, I don’t care if they’re heteromantic and cisgender. I, personally, have no issue with considering them LGBT, because I just don’t really see asexuals as being “straight”, and if that particular asexual is already struggling so hard with trying to live a “heterosexual” life and they’re being discriminated against and it’s making them miserable, yeah. I really don’t mind if they want to consider themselves LGBT and feel more comfortable with that label and want to associate with us.

I think that if a person is asexual and aromantic, and if they want to consider themselves part of the LGBT community, I’m perfectly fine with that as well. They’re, very clearly, not hetero in any way shape or form, and so, again, I personally feel they vibe well and if they want to consider themselves LGBT I don’t have an issue with it.

If someone is heterosexual, cisgender, and aromantic... I don’t think they belong in the LGBT community. Of course, I’m open to it, but just like with other extreme minority identities, I don’t think just because you’re out of the norm you necessarily belong to the LGBT community. I, personally, don’t think cis/het aromantic people face any legitimate discriminations (aside from just being told they’re heartless--which certainly sucks, but I don’t think it’s legitimate enough to call for needing a support group or an entire community for), and I don’t personally feel that they vibe enough with the LGBT community. Of course, I might change my mind, I might be informed otherwise, but right now, that’s just my stance. There’s plenty of cisgender heterosexual people who aren’t looking for relationships, and I don’t personally know of them being discriminated against for their sexuality where they would need to be in the LGBT community. The AVEN community? Definitely. But not LGBT. Not in my opinion, unless, again, someone can give me a good and legitimate argument.

Now, if you’re asexual, heteromantic, and cisgender, and you’ve not been terribly mistreated because you’re asexual, you’ve not been discriminated against because you’re asexual, and the worst thing that’s happened to you because you’re asexual is your family says “you’re just a late bloomer” and your friends joke “lol r u a plant”... I personally don’t think you belong in the LGBT community, either. And I know it sucks to be playing the “oppression points” game, and that just because you’re oppressed doesn’t make you more/less valid, and that there’s some gay kids that don’t get oppressed--which are all valid points, but... You have to understand that the LGBT community isn’t just being oppressed, and just being a minority. Both things are important and valid, but to my understanding of it, LGBT is for people who’ve been legitimately discriminated against because of their identity. And if you haven’t been discriminated against for your asexuality (which already is even debatable whether or not asexuality is even LGBT), but in every other aspect of your life you don’t identify with the LGBT community even a little bit, it’s hard for me to see why you would really need to be accepted into the LGBT community. Not a whim, or a want, because you want to feel “cool” or whatever, but why you actually think that you need to be included in the LGBT community, why you want to get that support from other queer people, why do you think you’re queer when you already so heavily vibe with cis/het society and don’t struggle with fitting in with that society? I’m not trying to be rude, or gatekeeping (technically I can’t tell you anything--if you want to claim to be LGBT I can’t stop you from claiming that), or invalidating of your identity, I just personally don’t know why you think you would need to be part of the LGBT community. Again, maybe someone can give me a compelling argument to change my mind, but I don’t see any need for an asexual heteromantic cisgender person who’s experienced no discrimination to need a space in the LGBT community. I don’t see why there’s that emotional or psychological need.

If you’re asexual and transgender, homoromantic, biromantic, or whatever, I don’t know why you’re concerned about this. You’re already LGBT for different reasons. I’d like to know why you think asexuality needs to be considered LGBT if you’re already being included in the community. Not judging, just wondering.

“But what if asexual heteromantic cisgenders still want a community where they belong, even if they haven’t gotten enough OppReSsIoN PoINtS to BeLoNG in the LGBT community?!?!”

AVEN. AVEN is a community made by asexuals, for asexuals. And not just asexuality. As many aces know, “Asexual” is just an umbrella term. Demisexual, greysexual, and asexual people are all included in the AVEN community. You could be asexual and sex repulsed, sex neutral, sex positive, and you’ll fit in the AVEN community. You could be of any romantic orientation (hetero, bi, homo, whatever) and any gender identity and still be part of the AVEN community. You can have any sexuality and be aromantic and be part of the AVEN community. AVEN isn’t for heterosexual heteromantics, it’s for asexuals and aromantics and all of those variants.

I, personally, believe asexuality is a completely valid identity. I believe some asexuals fit in fine with the LGBT community and I consider some asexuals to be part of the LGBT community, and for those who I don’t personally think are part of the LGBT community, I don’t see why that’s a problem--because I’m not throwing you to the dogs or forcing you to find your way with heterosexual/romantics, but because there’s already another community that’s perfect for you. I understand wanting a space of your own that’s different than the rest of society, and even though I don’t think the LGBT community is always for every person, that doesn’t mean there’s no alternatives. I think the AVEN community is a perfect place for asexuals and aromantics of all types--it overlaps with the LGBT community because many asexuals are also homoromantic or trans, but it’s not the same as a completely cishet community like the rest of society--so even if you do lean on the more cishet side of asexuality or aromanticism, you still absolutely 100% belong in the AVEN community without any discussion. Just like the SAGA community is perfect for LGBT+ people who want to be even more inclusive of everything, or merely want a different acronym, that’s fine.

And, also, here’s the thing. A lot of asexuals, pardon my pun, don’t give a fuck. I’ve known heteromantic cisgender asexuals who don’t identify with the LGBT or AVEN community and don’t want to be a part of it. I think that’s fine. Hell, there’s plenty of asexuals who may already be a part of the LGBT community who don’t care if asexuality is included in the acronym or not because whether or not asexuality is included--even though they’re asexual themselves--doesn’t really matter to them. I’ve known plenty of LGBT people who aren’t aro/ace in any way who are 100% fine with asexuals being included and are completely against this whole discourse to begin with. I’ve known plenty of people who are ace who don’t care if they’re LGBT or not, or even prefer not to be considered LGBT, because they have the AVEN community and feel that’s more where they fit in and belong anyway.

I just don’t think people really care that much. If you want to consider yourself LGBT, that’s fine. I don’t think anyone’s going to stop you. For some of the people who might argue that you don’t belong, whatever, it doesn’t really matter. Some people are sensitive over LGBT issues and feel strongly over what they think should or shouldn’t be included, and I think that’s perfectly fine. If you feel like it does matter that some people don’t think you’re LGBT, then you have AVEN, so it’s not like you’re alone and have nowhere to go. I just don’t think this is as big of an issue as most people are trying to make it out to be.

Also, just so we’re clear, I’m asexual, myself. I’m also biromantic and trans. I’m not perfect, I don’t know everything, but because I’m asexual and already part of the LGBT community, I’ve got a pretty good idea of what the LGBT and AVEN communities are like, and since I am part of both, I feel like I have more thoughts and insight on it than, say, a heterosexual/heteromantic trans guy who has limited knowledge of what the “asexuality experience” even is like. I think there’s a lot of grey areas, a lot of thin lines, and I personally don’t feel it’s an extremely black and white issue. For some people it is, and I don’t personally care when someone feels strongly one way or another. I personally think whether an asexual person belongs in the LGBT community or not depends on a case-by-case scenario, and it’s up for discussion. I’m okay with asexuality being LGBT, I’m okay with it not being LGBT. Since the AVEN community is already a thing that exists, I don’t see why it’s such a huge deal whether you fit in with the LGBT community or not solely for the fact that you’re asexual and nothing else. I do get bothered when people say “you can’t be LGBT because asexuals don’t get discriminated against” and I also have an issue with saying “LGBT should be supportive and accepting of everyone!” as stated above. Which is why I can’t say it’s a black and white, yes or no thing. I understand both sides, both sides of this argument make good points that I can respect to a degree and can even agree with sometimes. Which is why I personally think...

Is asexuality LGBT? I think it just depends on the person.

[a-room-of-my-own]

Authenticity & empathy: Meghan Murphy

Meghan Murphy is a freelance writer and journalist. She has been podcasting and writing about feminism since 2010, is the founder and editor Feminist Current, Canada’s leading feminist website and has published work in numerous national and international publications.

This is the text of the speech she gave at the 22nd meeting of Woman’s Place UK.

I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity lately. We’re currently living in a culture wherein authenticity has been traded in for fakery. We support and reward virtue signalling and punish those who are real, those who tell the truth, those with integrity, those who insist on making political arguments based on critical thinking and what is right, rational, and ethical, instead of based on what is politically correct or popular.

I have a rather overzealous commitment to authenticity, which I think has played a sizable role in my insistence on pushing back against gender identity ideology and legislation. I know I have friends, or acquaintances, or friends of friends, or random internet followers with self righteous opinions who think maybe I should just back off of this. Or who claim I’m being ‘mean’ or unempathetic, because I continue to operate in reality rather than the fantasy land we’re told is the new normal, wherein black is white, up is down, and men are women.

But I see no empathy for women and girls on the part of trans activists, that is to say, those pushing gender identity ideology and legislation. What I see is bullying, threats, ostracization, and a misogynist backlash against the feminist movement and much of the work it’s accomplished over years.

I see no empathy for women who are now being forced to compete against male athletes in sport, essentially rendering women’s sport nonexistant, as they can no longer compete on fair ground, if forced to compete against men. I see no empathy for the female athletes speaking out against this reprehensible trend — instead they’re being smeared and threatened. I see no empathy for the lesbians being bullied right out of their own events and communities, as the LGBTQxyz+++ whatever movement does nothing to support them, and in fact seems instead to support the men pushing them around and hurling verbal abuse at them, simply for asserting that lesbians are females who are attracted to other females, not heterosexual men interested in playing around with lipstick.

We held an event in Vancouver earlier this month, addressing the issue of gender identity and kids, and our venue — the Croatian Cultural Centre — received so many threats they had to file a police report, hire their own security, and bring in the Vancouver Police Department to keep protesters off the property. They, for once, didn’t blame us — women, feminists — for the threats of violence sent their way, and rather asked, with disbelief, how it was us the trans activists were accusing of being ‘hateful’, while simultaneously verbally abusing and threatening violence against the venue’s staff.

Somewhere between 150 and 200 protesters showed up, and stood outside with signs saying things like, “Support trans youth”, “Love and Solidarity”, “Love trans kids”, “be careful who you hate, it might be someone you love” and “love wins.”

All this branding around “love” has been incredibly successful, of course. We — women fighting for women’s rights, people fighting for the truth, those of us who insist on acknowledging that biology is real, that females and males are real things, and that, no, there is no such thing as a “female penis” —have been painted as hateful, intolerant, and bigoted, despite the fact that we are the only ones engaging (or trying to engage in) respectful, civil, rational debate and discussion, and being shut down over and over again.

Despite the fact that WE are the ones concerned about male violence against women and how gender identity ideology and legislation will hurt women, as well as kids, who are now being sent down a path towards hormones and surgery that will destroy their bodies permanently, simply because they don’t conform to sexist gender stereotypes, it is trans activists who have positioned themselves as caring and politically correct, and us as cruel and intolerant.

As I was leaving the venue after that event, the stragglers screamed at me that I had blood on my hands. Which of course I do not, and which, of course, is incredibly ironic considering how many times I’ve been told I should be murdered on account of my belief that you can’t change sex, and that it is not possible to be ‘born in the wrong body.’

I see no empathy in trans activism for the girls who will lose scholarships and opportunities to boys who can easily beat them in athletic competitions.

I see no empathy for women and girls who don’t feel comfortable with naked men in their change rooms at the pool. I see no empathy for youth being put on hormones that will have a lasting impact on them, including permanent sterilization, all to accommodate adults who don’t want to see trans ideology questioned under any circumstances.

I see no empathy for the women and their children who will have nowhere to turn if their local transition house is defunded on account of a women-only policy.

I see no empathy for Kristi Hanna, a Toronto woman and survivor of sexual assault, who had leave her room at Palmerston house, a shelter for recovering addicts, because she was made to share a room with a man, and did not feel safe.

I see no empathy for the 14 female estheticians who were asked to give a male a brazilian bikini wax, then dragged to court when they declined, saying they only offered the service to women.

I see no empathy for the girls allegedly predated on by this man, who is being protected by our very liberal, very progressive society that’s choosing to put male feelings and desires above all else, under the guise of ‘inclusion’, and thanks to trans activism.

Women and girls are being told they may not have boundaries. That they may not say ‘no’ to men. And this is what we are told it means to ‘choose love’. This is what we are being told is ‘feminism’.

Trans activism says women may not define their own bodies as female. That we may not have our own rights, services, and spaces, that ‘exclude’ men. It says gender stereotypes are real and innate, but the female body is a social construction. It says that ‘woman’ is based only on adherence to or an affinity towards femininity, something feminism has fought against for years.

So much of what women fought for over the past century is being rolled back, and progressives are insisting we all shut up and take it, because it’s ‘nice’, and of course, women must always be ‘nice’, even if it means putting our lives, autonomy, safety, opinions, and rights aside.

NOTHING about the trans movement is progressive and nothing about it is feminist.

I brought up authenticity earlier on, partly because I am sick to death of this social media based culture wherein we put forth personas we believe our audience will like, modeling perfect faces, lives, and thoughts, which I find incredibly boring and depressing, but also because I see this devaluing of authenticity as having an incredibly destructive impact on political discourse, and certainly it’s manifested itself powerfully in the trans movement.

I don’t believe that, aside from a few exceptionally delusional or troubled people, a majority of the population believes it’s possible to change sex. I don’t believe that all these so called progressives look at a man we call him ‘she’, and believe he is literally a woman. I don’t believe all these people claiming ‘love wins’ and insisting women be more ‘empathetic’ as they give up all their rights and spaces, while these activists spout vile, hateful insults and threats at us, are really very loving at all.

I think people are not telling the truth. I think they are repeating mantras and going along with ideas and policies in order to appease their Facebook friends. I think they value social status a lot, and are willing to give up ethics and truth in order to be liked. And I think it’s pathetic. I think that these people are throwing women under the bus and even selling themselves out in the process, knowing that they’re spouting lies for virtual cookies and using us all to fake politics.

And I refuse to be used as some kind of stepping stool for empty headed, cowardly hipsters — these extremely privileged people who have fetishized oppression, but have no idea what marginalized groups actually face and deal with on a daily basis, because certainly it’s not ‘misgendering’ that is keeping people poor and vulnerable — who can’t be bothered to read, listen, or think before announcing, boldly, that women with actual politics, who actually understand history, and who are bold enough to take a stand against actual bigotry and oppression should be silenced, punched, or even killed.

The wrong side of history is an embarrassing place to be.

But unfortunately I worry that, by the time these people realize how much damage they’ve caused by going along with such a destructive trend, it will be too late. What does give me hope is all of you. This massive and growing movement of people standing up and saying ‘no’, we won’t take this silently and sitting down. This groundswell of people insisting on telling the truth, despite the fact that we lose friends, jobs, social status, and sometimes safety, for doing so.

And the more we keep doing it, the more will join us.

Meghan Murphy

20th May 2019

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #005: Await Further Instructions (2018)

I've been on the prowl for a film that gives me vibes like Would You Rather or Cube again. There's something about the isolation, paranoia, and mistrust that can make for a quality watch. So going into this, I was expecting a type of game to be played at the expense of someone else suffering in the process and the title alone made think about something you'd see on Adult Swim.

So how did our time waiting for instructions go?

Await Further Instructions in One Gif:

Okay. Let's take things back a bit.

Have you ever hated a pack of characters that were so unlikable that you got excited over the prospect of them dying? I'm not even saying that in the sense of having genuinely good villains that brought you blissful satisfaction over them getting their comeuppance either. I mean truly god awful characters that are just so annoying, meanspirited, and hateful that seeing them get written off make up the only enjoyable scenes period - like, that's how much they fucking suck.

Aside from Nick and Annji, nobody is likable or even remotely pleasant; not even in the way, as I referenced with Would You Rather, where you had deplorable scumbags either enacting terrible things onto others or having no real shame, remorse, or second thoughts about what they're about to inflict on the other person. There, you could at least have some fun with characters that you loved to hate. Here, you just have characters you hate and just about any scene that isn't focused on the two of them alone is one of constant stress.

Usually, for me, when it comes to movies with characters who sole purpose just seems to infuriate you, the tipping point takes a while for that to show. It's a true labor love to culminate that one character that feels like a cosmic punishment, and it's not very often that just them breathing or the first sentence that comes out of their mouth proves that first impressions really are everything.

To be brief, Nick's family likes to lay it on super thick about their beliefs and aren't shy to tell Nick that he's the problem, as he hasn't come home in years, or make it clear Annji isn't welcome in their house. Yeah, they're that perky charming bunch. I was hoping that with one of them, they'd be that kind of person with some sort of secondary trait to them, even if it's negative; like that hateful bigot who happens to be uncomfortably charismatic or the sleazy womanizer who is just the perfect amount of being an arrogant monster that makes you want to hate and love him.

A good example here would be Kate, Nick's younger sister. She's written as the clichéd, bigoted bitchy type of character who stirs the pot the most and starts much of the conflict with Annji (next to Granddad, who seems to take joy in it). Her only other real defining characteristic is that she's expecting, which you think would give her more depth or sympathetic... but it doesn't - even when the stakes are drastically raised. It just leaves you feeling like "Okay...and?", and not much else. Perhaps if there was a tipping point where she had a change of heart or did something admirable that she'd garner anything resembling a pat on the back, but still no.

This ends up being the case for the rest of Nick's family as things progress. There's no character development, their motives are confused as shit, and there's never really a true point where you see any of them make a solid path forward. You'll see a nudge in the right direction where you think you'll see someone do anything remotely productive or helpful to the cause of the group...and yet...take a guess.

A telling moment comes in the form of Kate needing help after shit goes down. Nick makes it very clear that Annji is the only one that can help save her since she works at a hospital - as Scott, her [Kate's] own husband, who also has medical experience, refuses to do anything. Even when it's made explicitly clear that she will die if Annji can't help, they refuse to budge. It's like this whole family has a fucking listening problem, and when the obvious happens, they still refuse to do anything productive to help give them the slightest chance of surviving the night. It's so exhausting to see the only two characters you want to root for who give a genuine shit about what's going on keep getting the run around, only to go through all of that for what?

I hate that I have to keep focusing on characterization here, but it makes up the bulk of the problem I have with this movie. I've rooted for the killer(s) before when it came to this very issue, with characters like Tony from Blood Lake or Alan from Return to Sleepaway Camp being so annoying or irritating that they made finishing the film feel like a chore. But I have never endured a movie so frustrating that I hated five of your seven characters. I don't know if that was the intention or not either. It's one thing to have genuinely unlikable characters due to their actions or motives, but at least give the viewer something about them that at least makes their screen presence one of tolerance or even apathy - not wishing for sweet release that doesn't involve only turning it off.

If it wasn't for this one big fucking problem, then I'd have more interest in the plot and what's going on.

Honestly, if you just focus on the bare bones concept, it's not that bad and is one we've seen variations of before; which is that of a family being trapped in their house on Christmas Eve with no means of escaping or making contact with the outside world as they're receiving ominous instructions and messages of impending death from their television if they don't comply. With that alone, there's many ways you can drive the story and it could be interesting - but this all goes out the window because of the characters. Even with movies like Cube, you have characters that clash and obvious tension there due to their situation and how one of them poses a serious threat to their survival - but that didn't halt the plot or made it feel like pulling teeth to have everyone get their shit together.

Outside that, the only other thing you have to look at would be the special effects. They really aren't that anything too remarkable, at least to me when it's directly in relation to features that are keeping them trapped in the house or what happens if someone tries to escape. The effects in the third act when we get the "big reveal" about whose behind the happenings are just barely that much better. But I'm not sure how much of me feeling underwhelmed is due to being burnt out due to the sheer amount of fuckery we had to out up with to get this far.

Writing this has been a long, exhausting task, and now I'm ready to call it quits here. This was more of a rant than a review, but I feel this is one of those films worthy of such a treatment. It's been a long while since I've felt this tired over a film, and I'm almost offended by how disappointing it was. For the first time in years, I'm giving a single star to each of the only tolerable characters and half a star for the half-way decent idea that got thrown away. Now, I'm off to bed as means to apologize to myself for what I just endured.

Rating 2.5/10

[knightofbalance-13]

http://nerdgasrnz.tumblr.com/post/168146804389/you-bigoted-geek-ass-homophobic-transphobic

Old post I know but-

Point still needs to be made.

You bigoted geek-ass homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist MOTHERFUCKERS still don’t understand what the problem is, do you?

Looks like you’re finally getting some self awareness.

Oh wait, you’re not talking about yourself? Huh.

This is not the “rwde community” looking to tear RWBY to shreds ever since Monty died or whatever bullshit excuses you keep coming up with everytime ppl critique this cartoon

My past two years say the exact opposite and what should I trust: my instincts or a liar?

This is the fact that REAL LGBT people watch this show; real NON-WHITE people watch this show; real WOMEN watch this show, and WOMEN are the literal lead characters of this show. But those parts of the audience wind up disappointed with the lack of care, consideration, or prioritization in this weak-ass writing, where only the art and animation salvage it.

Heh...

Then why are some of the most prominent fans of the community LGBT, Non-white and/or women? I mean, surely if this was handled so poorly they wouldn’t be so prominent. Unless of course, the issue isn’t with the show but a certain group of people with a similar thought process (that being “If it doesn’t pander to me, it’s bigotry!.’)

Diversity isn’t a fucking myth like you think just because you have less social aptitude than a fucking rock, or because you refuse to interact with anyone that isn’t the same as you.

Says the woman who rejects other LGBT/non white people for not thinking exactly like her.

Monty was GENTLY asked in a post-show interview if there’d be LGBT+ rep in RWBY, and he confirmed yes. That was 2014.

And he also fucked over his own show numerous times. He wasn’t exactly a good writer so him saying that would have probably resulted in a ham fisted, out of place moment of gay angst that would never be mentioned ever again.

What Miles Luna, Kerry Shawcross, and Gray Haddock have done, instead of giving us a named PROTAGONIST character to be the first instance of that rep, they made the first openly gay character a VILLAIN. (no, Matte Sky does not count bc the VOICE ACTOR named them, not the creators)

You mean the single sympathetic villain who would later get a redemption arc among the other straight villians who are portrayed as irredeemable and monstrous *cough* ADAM *cough*.

Oh no, how terrible. You get a complex and well written character instead of the edgelord. 

Nothing is groundbreaking about that trash. LGBT+ historians and fandoms have noted that in the media, villains were portrayed as gay, trans, or implied as such for YEARS. (it’s called “queercoding”)

And that’s called ‘bullshit’ because coding is only ever brought up in subjective ways.

Not only that: You were never promised something GROUND BREAKING. Show me where it was said that. 

Monty was GENTLY asked by fans at a convention when more brown characters would be in RWBY. He confirmed that Sun and Velvet have “cool” dark-skinned teammates. That was 2013. (after an animation panel at Supanova)

So no, this isn’t just “rabid tumblrinas” hounding the creators for the sake of being special snowflakes like you fucking think. These are real fucking people who love the soul of this show but don’t actually SEE THEMSELVES IN IT. And Monty, rest his soul, was so excited and earnest in wanting to be inclusive so this show could be shared and loved by more people.

Yeah and Miles and Kerry get death threats over this. That was proven in 2018. I could not care less.

And here’s the deal: If you cannot relate to a character because they do not share the same skin color as you, you do not DESERVE a character to relate to. Because creators are suppose to make compelling characters and skin color is NOT COMPELLING. Expecting me to find a character compelling because they are white is honestly INSULTING to me.

But the fact is that it’s not as inclusive as it could be. Even when he was alive, he made missteps too. And it’s not even like it’d be a big deal to fix. But hateful people go out of their way EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. to make it seem like it’d be such a lorebreaking addition to make a character brown, gay, or trans.

The fact that ‘it’s not as inclusive as it could have be’ is a flaw shows you do not actually care about the show. Because you care SO LITTLE about the show actually being good you try to prioritize something COMPLETELY DIVORCED from quality above all else.

And no one wanted them to just do it because it was not the right fucking time or place. Imagine a character in Berserk went off on a tangent about how gay they are. That’d be pretty cringy right? Now think of that same thing in MHA. Not even bad now is it? Because one is not built to support this and the other CAN support it.

Honestly, the way they handled Illa, from a purely writing standpoint, is the best way they could have gone about it. It’s used to emphasize her pain with Blake and quickly takes a backburner for Illa’s more personal and universal issues. They showed it was athing before moving onto more pressing matters.

It makes absolutely ZERO SENSE how a FANTASY REALM can be lacking so much variety in terms of its inhabitants. And Diversity is an AFTERTHOUGHT. Or a “lorebreaker” (remember the homophobic “how would you show gay characters? just have them make out during the chaos? That’d make no sense!” argument? Fun times!!!)

Damn near every single piece of fanart about Illa emphasizes her being gay, apparently that was an informed guess on their part. And honestly ticks me off since Illa is so much more than that.

How many times do we have to sift through the garbage comments on fanart (FAN ART!!!) of Blake being portrayed as black, as if that’s some huge leap from what she could have represented in the first place?

Representation doesn't matter here, it's the fact that these designs usually look like shit because the people making don’t care about good character design and use dark skin on a design that is built around light skin. It’s like if someone made a light skinned Emerald-it would look fucking awful.

How many times do ppl turn a blind eye to femslash fanart of team RWBY but suddenly complain when someone mentions the notion of one of the characters in team RWBY actually being canonically gay? Or bi? Or pan? Anything outside or in-between?

Never. I have literally never seen that happened. I’ve seen people be called homophobic for shipping straight ships before I say this.

Hateful people are like “u should be thankful” when they’re having a buffet of representation and we only get, not just breadcrumbs, but moldy ones that the ants are crawling on. Then, when we make our own stuff to satisfy us (again: FAN ART! FANFIC! HEADCANONS!!!) they’re suddenly so defensive and wanna police our shit???

A. Nobody has ever just eaten certain foods because of their color,

B. You actively REFUSE to accept any character that isn’t EXACTLY like you and proceed to try to hurt REAL PEOPLE over this. Mold crumbs with ants on them is more than you deserve, honestly STRAVATION is more than you deserve.

C. Making fanart and fanfics that are fundamentally WORSE than canon and calling it ‘fixed’ or ‘improved’ like these people always do is insulting. You are actively pissing people off.

Oh and D. I have seen people ATTACK OTHERS over them not following their headcanons.

RWBY’s first dark-skinned character was a villain. That’s not representation, that reinforces racist beliefs that black people are thugs and thieves that can’t be trusted and need to be put down.

Yes, a dark skinned character with understandable motives, symapethic beliefs and conflcits about her actions.

Meanwhile, the white guy Adam is portrayed as an edgelord monster who seeks genocide and talks like a Nazi.

RWBY’s first openly GAY character is a villain. That’s NOT representation. That reinforces homophobic beliefs that lesbians are predatory temptresses that seduce your daughters and sisters to lead them down a path of hellfire and brimstone.

Yes, the sympathetic lesbian who has shown more love and care and respect for Blake than her straight abusive boyfriend.

Adam pretty much exists to DISPROVE your shit on this front. All the bullshit you complain about in Illa ACTUALLY EXISTS in Adam except WORSE.

RWBY has been making transphobic jokes since volume 1 (Penny’s “*gasp* Is she a man?” reference to Blake) Those jokes reinforce the transphobic belief that trans people wear disguises to bait unassuming people so that they can harm them eventually.

A. Name me a single trans person who said that, let alone enough people for me to even consider that.

And B. Adam is cisgendered and a genocidial Nazi. Good luck beating that.

It’s not rocket science. Rooster Teeth’s animated show, “RWBY” has a problem not just with it’s writing, but with diversity. Pure and simple. And this show has had since 2014 to improve. But you’re still surprised that some of us are fucking mad.

And yet every single example you gave not only doesn’t work but would set a standard for STRAIGHT WHITE PEOPLE to complain about their representation. 

You and everyone in RWDE are mad because you WANT to be mad. It justifies the immoral bullshit you pull on a daily basis...

Huh, exactly like Adam.

Guess you guys ARE represented after all. And quite accurately.

[terminalpolitics]

egowave is full of shit: long version

I double-checked just to be sure, and it turns out she’s just a liar. She claims that she fought with me because I said “antisemitic” things and that now I am trying to play down my antisemitism.

So, I went back through the archive of all my blog posts and here’s what I found:

2.27.2018 I made a post with the line: “I think most major religions are harmful and raising a child in a religion is abuse.” It didn’t get many notes. I reblogged it from time to time, but nobody really noticed.

3.14.2018 I make a post about why it is harmful to raise your child in Christianity. Mostly it gets angry notes from people with “traditionalist” in their url.

3.20.2018ish After disagreeing with femoids about Leftist authoritarianism, the word goes out that I’m “bad.” Posts are read in bad faith and people claim I want to burn books and kill anyone who reads Marx.

3.20.2018 Egowave --at that point I don’t think we had ever interacted-- publishes an anon about how bad I am because I don’t like Tankies. That’s the first time I recall hearing of her.

3.21.2018 The post about Christianity is rediscovered by Leftists combing through my blog for “more bad takes” and now it turns out I am a “bigot” and a racist for saying Christianity isn’t great for children.

3.21.2018 I respond to another Leftist’s post -- again it makes clear that egowave was disagreeing with me about Tankies, and then -- unrelated to egowave-- I discuss the controversy going on at the time in Leftist Tumblr about my Christianity post.The Leftists attacking the post at that time were angry because it targeted Christianity.

3.22-23.2018 It gets popular in the femoids, peeteseeger, alyesque circlejerk to make fun of Wiccans and neo-pagans. I make a post reminding Leftists that no religion is more “real” than another. This post gets picked up by a blog called mallcommunism in Egowave’s circle.

3.23.2018 Egowave makes a post saying: “terminalpolitics bravely defending the wicca and neopagan community from slander while also saying its also child abuse to raise a child in a major religion this is so good. this is so tight.” The “major religion” in question was Christianity. We know this because of the context of the discourse at the time (the Christianity post was the one Leftists were angry about) and because she says “major religion” -- singular. If, as she later claimed, she was talking about my other post she would have said “major religions” as the post did because it did not single out any religious tradition. Egowave was just trying to get in on the dogpile again as she did when my crime was suggesting unity with tankies was bullshit.

Up until that point, I had not posted about Judaism.

3.23.2018 I respond to Egowave and reiterate my position that Wicca is “just as real” as any other religion and that we shouldn’t indoctrinate children into religion generally. I also reference the “shitty views” she expressed in her other posts mocking Wiccans and other religions she disliked at the time.

Egowave then asked me if she could celebrate Hanukkah with her children, thus bringing Judaism into the discussion for the first time. Again, up until that point the discussion had only dealt with Christianity.

I answered that you would need to wait for your children to decide to celebrate Hanukkah with you because the child must be able to choose their own religious belief.

And that was it. The conversation ran its course. I don’t think I’ve discussed Judaism since, though people do mail and message me trying to bait me into it.

Now, egowave and her friends produce memes about my “antisemitism” (you can find them if you look at the #terminalpolitics tag). She claims that she was motivated to disagree with me because of my attacks on Judaism, but Judaism had never come up until she brought it up and I answered with my general principle for all religions on the subject of raising children in a faith system (which people are welcome to disagree with).

Form the beginning, Egowave has just been trying to get in on the dogpiles started by more popular bloggers: Terminalpolitics is bad because he hates tankies, Wiccans and neo-pagans are bad, Terminalpolitics is attacking Christianity -- all popular complaints. So, her retcon that she was concerned about Judaism seems surprising when it had not come up -- and even after it came up I didn’t actually say anything bad about it beyond expressing my objection to raising children in any religion.

I realize nobody else cares and folks are unlikely to read this and that’s okay. I wrote it to get the timeline straight myself and to put it in the #egowave and #terminalpolitics tag for those interested.

This is how a smear works. You just make memes and repeat something enough and that’s all your readers will ever know. Now, people are welcome to go through my posts and look for my hatred of Judaism or posts in which I single out Judaism. You won’t find any because I never wrote them. You will find posts about Christianity and the problems associated with religion in general.

Now, egowave wants me to unblock her -- but why would I want to interact with someone who is completely full of shit?

Anyway, have a great day.