#but idk it just really puts me off when people are Overly Mad about it

[shadeswift99]

Hot take: How chill an MCC streamer is about possibly having to replay a game due to technical issues is a pretty accurate indicator of how fun they'll be to watch overall

[goober-37]

I wish YouTube captions were written better y’all cause it drives me mad. Some creators who edit their captions themselves do a great job! @annamarieforcino specifically will tag who speaks in her video, put dialog in quotations if it’s from the vid/show she’s reacting to, and she doesn’t use the fuckass “[_]” style captions YouTube generates even if her audio has swears censored. I love the way she captions!

I’m not diagnosed with any hearing issues but sometimes words straight up just don’t sound real to me. I either just straight up can’t hear them or it sounds like a load of nonsense to me–especially if there’s too much background noise that my brain can’t figure out what to tune into. I can hear, but reading captions as I’m hearing what people say makes it easier to understand and actually capture everything said if that makes sense.

YouTube having really lousy, overly censored captions really pisses me off. Makes it harder to enjoy what I like watching because half the time the captions are inaccurate, unavailable in English for some reason (happened with a couple Flamingo videos??), or every single goddamn swear (or what the captions think is a swear) gets censored completely and takes away my ability to fill in the gap if I couldn’t catch the actual swear or if the creator censored the audio.

I understand creators censoring swears for brand deals and monetization but I hate the auto generated captions censoring too heavily and throwing off my reading. I despise that the captions don’t even accurately pick up what’s said half the time so then I get confused hearing a word and reading the wrong word at the same time and thinking “wait what 🤨 did they say that or am I stupid??”

Idk lmao I mean I thrive off captions and my dad being HOH means we always have captions on movies and shows and at least those are written and tagged well. I wish YouTube were a lil better about it without making every creator hand write all their captions because even I find that tedious when I custom write my tiktok captions.

[pondscummy]

the "also sick" comment isn't like "btw I'm SICK, how dare you not know" it's me saying I'm sick like how 2/3 of my roommates are

but like I'm so;;;; it feels so rich that L is like wtf do you want from me about me not replying for 45 minutes when I had to beg his gf over hours and hours of texts every so often to not force me to sit in unwiped shit after my surgery bc she had openly told me she just didn't rly feel like setting up the attachable bidet after telling me for weeks she would, and I never ever got a reply from her or L ever acknowledging that they were wide awake hanging out and laughing while I was like stuck in bed barely able to move begging for follow through on a commitment they made in advance and i eventually had to spend over $100 to hire someone to come out the next day and do it for me and I had to hold my shit for hours lmfao

like L is sooooo great at couching things in flawless tumblr wellness speak but only to talk about how valid they are for not showing up for you and how fucked up it is that you MIGHT ever have a moment where you can't be 100% there w them. like idk what to tell you I've been laying in bed with a sore throat and cough and fever passing out and waking up to roll over in buckets of sweat like the rest of the house. I do genuinely get being annoyed by a lack of response but it's also right back to this whole thing about Always assuming I'm mad at them which is legit one of the only things that actually makes me mad fjdkddhk like bro I do not THINK about you when you're not acting like I'm a bomb about to blow (also, as an aside -- we all take turns buying TP and it's usually me who does it like it's not out of pocket for me to say hey you are the One person who is out of the house already rn, can you get this on your way bc None of the bathrooms have back up rolls and one is totally out and I had to text our sickest roommate telling her to use the bidet and drip dry like.... "am I the first person you asked" yes bc you are the person who makes the most sense dumbfuck. I'm not being "overly needy" toward you or whatever jfc)

they literally told me at one point that the reason they're so scared of me is that my face is "triggering" for them when I'm angry or not feeling good and puts them "back in a really bad place" they have seen my face angry literally 3 times and each time it was on my way back to my room to decompress and each time I said nothing to them other than that I was in a bad mood and I was going to go to my room. I didn't yell either I just said it normal. like I genuinely feel gaslit here like I'm this horrifying monster of a man when it's like dude sometimes people are mad I don't know what YOU want from ME!! I do all my venting here where they can't ever see it even tho we've blocked each other, I censor their name like anyone even knows who they are, I isolate to chill out and it's literally been less than a handful of times like should I fling myself from the roof??????? would that fix it???

I literally know it's bc I'm a man too. none of this was like this until my facial hair came in more and it got crazy worse after I got top surgery and they're so so vocal about how much they despise men and think men should all fuck off and die and there's only a handful of acceptable men that they've personally vetted. despite them pretty clearly having a trans woman fetish bc they only date or look at porn of trans women and they do the whole step on me mommy thing about it even tho their gf has complained like. lmfao you're just a baby te//rf even tho you ID as trans masc yourself. like that's all this even is. I'm a big (5'3") scary (spent the whole weekend w my coworkers asking if I was 12) man who's obviously going to snap and kill you all bc sometimes I *checks writing on hand* get frustrated and go lay down about it

[gleekingdom]

I'm looking to rp with this oc I haven't really gotten a chance to be much yet. And my character isn't Darren, Darren Criss is just his faceclaim because I like to imgaine him portraying the character ( I know he won't actually do that though XD)

I usaully like to rp B X B Ships

That would cool to rp with someone who had a oc of the faceclaim grant gustin but I'm not picky as long the ship is B x B

I'm Autistic and dylexic so if your against that for some reason, okay don't roleplay with me then thanks. ^^

I'm not comfortable with NSFW so please keep this pg13 I am 20+ but I'm not comfortable with that stuff.

if you are interested to rp with him then dm me here and I'll give you my code so we can rp on Discord.

Name

Alex Spector, Alex

Nicknames

Alex, Spec, Specs (you can make up more in rp)

Age

20- 35

Birthday

April 6th

orientation

Bisexaul ( Male lean)

Zodiac

Taurus ♉️

Height

5'7

...Taits

 positive  . . . Laid back on the outside/ Friendly/ Deep thinker

 neutral  . . . Acts sure of himself even when hes 

not/ a bit of a hopeless romantic/ mysterious 

negative  . . . Doesn't go outta his way to meet new people/ Over thinks

•Personality in a bit more detail

- He acts very sure of himself and sure of what he's doing. And yes well at times he is sure sometimes it's much more of an act. He's not shy and infact can be rather bold. But he's not fully self-assured about himself and questions things deeply, like meaning behind simple things or just life, but at times that gets him to really overthink things and misread a situation.

I think in a way he wants the attention from other people too, but also doesn't want to be variable around them he wants to seem like he's always well rounded and good and doesn't have any problems or things that will worry others. He's kind and cares for people but doesn't usaully go out of his way to become close with other people and though bold can be rather quite especially when deep into his thoughts.

If your mean to him though he won't just take it, he'll stand up for himself, and might say something mean back but he usaully doesn't strike first.

And he is quite the bit of a hopeless romantic, but he's not sure if something like that could ever happen to him. Plus he kinda closes parts of himself off from his band, from people who want to be his friends and even his own family (( Emotionally damaged))

Don't read this part if you just wanna find out rping with him || He's Very Emotional so when he's happy he lights up, when he's sad he's really really down and when he's mad- I think you get it||

He's kinda complicated, at least to me so it's hard to explain his whole personality

And he might be austistic coded and if he is it wasn't intentional I'm just autistic so Idk ( I'm not against him being austistic that was just not my original intent for the character, but I do have other ocs that are austistic. I just like making my characters different from eachother)

Likes

•Space aesthetics

•the Theater/ like plays and musicals

•music/ his favorite kind is jazz pop and rokin roll

•getting his nails painted ( he's not girly he just likes his nails looking fancy)

•Fried chicken / organe chicken

•Favorite colors are red and purple 💜 ❤️

•Concerts

•Reading well mostly of anything

• likes to go to parties weather it's like dancing crazy parties/ or fancy parties

•Just hanging out

•Doing street or wall art

Dislikes

the way he overthinks sometimes

Being told he can only be one thing/ being put in a social latter box

people who whine for things but never work for it

the color organe thinks it looks unflattering

Fears

•Not being good enough at anything

•losing the things that are important to him

•Rodents

Hoddies

• Going to parties

• playing violin / gituare

• getting ready overly early for things like his jods/ interviews/ dates

• Reading

• Listening to music

ambitions• To be a famous singer with his band

occupation•  Singer of his band 'North star' ( he probably has side jods on the side)

Family realionships

Mother

Ellison Spector

His mother and who he is closest to in the family. She loves both of her sons treating them equal. He does many favors for his mom and loves her very Dearly.

Father

John Spector

John wasn't looking for another child after Arnold his oldest, so he never really cared much for Alex. But Alex still wants to win over his father in some way.

Older brother.

Arnold Specter- he's only three years older

His Dads favorite and in Alex's eyes the one who can do no wrong and who somehow wins every trophy and is skilled how can Alex compete with that. There realionship is well rocky at best, more so closed off on Alex's side then Arnold's side, Arnold tries to have a good realionship with his brother.

He lives in a apartment now but I just felt those realionships are kinda important and kinda is part of what made him who he is.

Thank you if you read all of that 😊

There still is a bit to tell about him but you'd find out if you rped with him.

[sincelastsession]

As much as I try the litany of coping mechanisms... They aren't really helping right now and it's really frustrating because I need to go to the grocery store and do normal things.

But I'm in a freeze state.

The more noise the worse it gets.

The ear plugs are a sensory nightmare.

I'm mad because it's been every day my neighbors are being so loud. The office and courtesy officer who is a sheriff is a fuckin asshole to me.

They think it's about race.

They don't seem to care about the OBVIOUS daycare being run. They won't investigate because they don't see it. I can't take a video to prove it. The kids sit on the stairs at night hollering and playing loud rap music and it's not even good rap music it's shitty SoundCloud rappers and it's not even intelligent. Like even if it was better music I'd still be pissed because I'm just trying to relax.

I do not understand why it's so hard for people to be courteous.

I'm literally going to put a pentacle wreath up and start doing witchcraft outside on purpose. Technically I'm exercising my rights?

Idk.

Parents are telling me July at soonest for moving.

I'm terrified I'm going to lose my cool and absolutely blast the neighbors, office, a corporate. I hate that they're under the impression I'm racist. I hate that they have experienced this themselves. It's more noise than you'd put up with yourself.

My parents seem to think they will find a place that's safe and quiet for under 1k. The places I have found they're not happy with and say are dangerous.

I don't know what to do. Earplugs and headphones are generally a sensory nightmare or they hurt my ears.

I wish they'd just move and put calmer professionals in that unit.

Even the drug dealer that was there before was quiet despite ppl going in and out of the apartment.

Like I know also there was prostitution going on as well a year or so ago in various areas in the complex.

I'd love if my parents with get in touch with my bestie Blake Knight of capital city concierge but my mom already led him on to believe she was getting a house for me last time.

It was embarrassing.

Piper's fiancé's mom found places but they are all in dangerous areas where I'd definitely have safety problems.

I really just would ideally like to get moved to a quiet safe spot. Work on my mental health. Get better. Figure out how to financially get around things without the sense if guilt from breaking rules and fear of getting in trouble and learn things I was never taught that I can't figure out with banking because I'm math dyslexic and literally no one takes me seriously on that. I mean my hope us to get better and much more functional like you know and can see.

I do wish they had the same sorta respite for people like me. In the UK they have them where ppl like me that are overly stressed can go stay and they just sorta treat it more like a resting place and have therapists and a doctor available if need be...

I don't understand why they don't have a place that's strictly for people who are just under too much stress due to anxiety, ptsd, and just life.

They have places for military to recuperate but it's kinda like "fuck you you fet to go to grippy sock jail because you weren't in war" But I have seen war. The entire time my friend Mike was volunteer fighting in the Ukraine he showed me all the things. The dead bodies, the trenches, a person's head on a spike with the skin peeled off and a scythe next to it that Russians left of a poor pow. They found one of our people hands cut off and decapitated. I mean the news censors everything so much. I've seen so much from a gopro from an actual team of ppl. I didn't fight but I've seen really fucked shit. War is hell.

Why aren't there places that are less clinical and more for rest and nervous system regulation?

I don't know if I would want to move states but there's gotta be something.

I just need peace. I have seen and heard enough. I only have respite time when I'm in my dynamic at this point and I've discussed this with my partner about how it helps in an odd but therapeutic way. There's books on how it helps. I think it does. I just don't want to have my entire dynamic be him calming me down. I'd like to have more fun. He understands and I'm not asking I hope for too much currently. I have asked him to lmk. He likes how we are so open and he likes my appreciation and points out how I'm different than most people.

I am thoughtful because I went through hell. I party had my tubes tied and an ablation so at least I'd never get pregnant from any possible SA which has always scared me, because I wouldn't birth a healthy child or even an alive one, and because I feel it would be cruel to pass on the genetics I have. To watch anyone or my own child experience what I did would break me.

So in the same sense...I don't want people to suffer. It hurts to see. It hurts to hear about. It hurts when I can't do anything and it hurts I have to accept that.

I'd love to bitch political and such with everyone else but that doesn't fix the issues. We as a people unless we raise hell and riot like the French aren't realistically going to change this country or stop politics from taking away our rights.

Political leaning to me doesn't matter at this point. I truly believe my vote means nothing and the presidential elections are a big fat bunch of bullshit to give people a sense that they're making a difference when rich mfers who do not care about anyone but thier own lives are really in control.

I hope it rains and the lights don't go out and I can just order doordash and people stay quiet.

That's what I need this weekend.

Just some peace and good sleep.

Because I'd like to accomplish things and it's impossible being interrupted by loud people CONSTANTLY.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary167

2/27-28/2024

wednesday - thursday

i'm sisisisitting here, and i have a bank acct. now.

my card is gonna be sent to my parent's place, i've gotta go over there to get it, in about a week i suppose. that'll be interesting but i talked to my mom today. not about the card yet, but i'll talk about it tomorrow i think, when we talk more. she is not mad at me, it seems like.

i got really dressed up for the bank today, look!

people were nice to me basically except in walmart where lots of people stared at me, and then this guy that worked there looked totally totally totally disgustedddd. it was fun. i wish i told him to fuck off. i need to stick up for myself better. i think that'd be like, sticking up for myself, right. or is staring back the only thing i should really do? idk.

i ate too many chips today, also, so i'm feeling yucky rn. blehh.

just found out about a really awesome seeming book:

gonna find out more abt this soon, the publisher too, the bits my friend is sending me from this book of poetry are really really good.

just really really beautiful writing, grounding itself in / exploring/ telling history, in ways it is typically not told. a beautiful project, at minimum. but it does not feel like it's just hitting that minimum, truly good writing. it's also from 2023, which is super exciting i think. good writing is still coming, you just have to look.

another thing today, i got new lyrics and vocals down on a song, i wonder if i care about the lyrics that much, but idk, i think it's good, it's definitely about a lot of stuff i've been thinking about lately, re: music people, dj scene and stuff. frustrations. it felt good to scream, today, cuz of being so fucked up yesterday i guess.

i think maybe i could go in and re-record the middle bit and parts of the end, but i think the way the song opens vocally is good. i might also just be having funny issues w/ the sound of the vox. idk. we will see how i feel tomorrow. but since i did that i did also mess w/ how the song sounds, did the saturation thing to it, and that does sound quite good, imo.

tomorrow i need to do some more songs, just re: producing/mastering, i wanna do at least 2-3, and maybe on the 3rd i do a song that has vocals but i want to replace them entirely, so i can start thinking of new ideas for the song.

i also have a new idea for a drawing, that's fun, a new little pixel art ornament thingy.

listening to a lot of the album now, to see how things are coming along, one song still has overly saturated vocals, and some little pieces that need cutting, should be easy enough, i think i like that vocal take, i should sit on the take still, not go in and do that, and for the most part everything is feeling like, good, i think. coming along well, and stuff i thought was worse off isn't too bad really. that might change tomorrow for me but we'll see. there's gonna be a time where i need to just let this all go, and put this out. that time definitely feels like it's coming. or idk, that makes it sound like i'm just putting less effort in, i don't think that's true, it's just that things really are wrapping up in a way i feel like. like how many more times can i conceivably mess with nuances of guitar tone, everything is getting closer and closer to what i want, what isn't that's just getting cut and put off for later, and i can tell at least one of the songs i cut is going to really benefit from that, since i can rewrite parts and have something last longer, i can have this part i really like be like, a closer for this next ep maybe.

anyway, it's like 1 am and i need to prepare for the next days of work where i'm going in at 11 am soo,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[westcoastcrust]

November 1st 2023 , 11:56pm

I don't know how long it's been since I've written last, but I know it's probably been the LONGEST gap so far. I have thought about writing at least twice the past couple months, but I just never got around or had the energy to do it.

What's crazy is alots happened AND almost nothing has happened since I last wrote. I don't know if that's because I'm thinking more so career wise? But even relationship wise the shoe still fits.

To be honest, I think I've been running from my reality of feeling "stuck". I didn't want to believe it. I thought that after that 1st church group call that my life was going to be up and up from there. And in many ways it has! But like life goes, there's also been dips.

I think I'm finally coming to terms with the up and downness? The duality. The power in shaping your narrative by the way you choose to look at your situations. I'm trying to be more positive and kind to myself again. I once was maybe a year or 2 ago. But I fell off the wagon. I think I need therapy again. Just to continuously talk some things through. I also plan to get back into church more heavily again. I like going to church. I just don't like the drive lately cuz funds have been pretty low so I think alot about how I burn through gas money. But if there's anything to spend gas on, it should be God.

I've been writing this comedy film for what feels like over 4 months now. I get really mad at myself when I think about how long it's taking. It makes me feel like I'm not a real writer. My discipline has gotten so bad over the past 2 years. Idk if it's tiktok of what? But I NEED self discipline again. In ALL areas of my life. But especially work.

My live life sucks. Sorry that was negative. My love life is still very nonexistent. I've had many failed talking stages and many shifty hookup attempts. (People that let me know they just wanted to fuck) it is what it is though, I know my person is out there. I'll keep waiting impatiently.

We're still in an actors strike. SAG has been on strike for 4 months now. Which sucks cuz my options for opportunity have been slim too none in the acting world. But it's given me time to write (which I've slowly been putting to use)

I'm in a weird stressful yet overly peaceful mind state. I'm lowkey stressing about money. But I'm not really doing anything about it. Typing this is making my heart beat a little fater right now. I hate stressing about money. I want a job (kinda) but I want it to be beneficial to my career. I probably will just have to take a leap soon.

My sleeping has been off the past 2 weeks. Idk if I feel a little of the unfortunate "D" word. I don't want to believe I do. But realistically, probably. + winter is almost hear so I guess that makes sense. A lil nerve wracking but it's okay. I know things can turn around. I know I can make something happen before the end of the year. It's not impossible. I can do anything I put my mind to. I know I will win.

[yulin-pop]

⤷ ✧ Lips sealed

- order 22 | Headcanons | VDC Group (Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Epel, Rook, Vil) + Neige

P.2 — Keeping quiet

Gender neutral

Note: Personal headcanon stuff! I have a few requests and it’s a bit pressuring but please keep requesting, it’ll just take some time for me to write out.

Also I would like to note that the reasons for MC being silent is up to you and they are fine with friends pestering them about it.

Ace Trappola

He really doesn’t understand how you’re able to stay silent. Doesn’t it piss you off when someone yells at you? He would definitely say something back and yet all you do is sit there and glare or just ignore them.

Most of what is said to you goes in one ear and out the other, or at least it seems that way.

“Hey aren’t you mad at me for what I said when we first met?”

You hummed for a second then nodded your head.

“Really? If I was in your position, I would’ve picked a fight and said something. Like what Grim did.”

You shrugged.

He will undoubtedly be protective of you. Grabbing you from any that gets close with intention to hurt you. He hates it when other people chastise you when you refuse to speak. Some people get overly upset about it. What right do they have?

You’re always there to support him, despite his constant teasing. There has been a time where he genuinely asked why you don’t speak. You wrote down a little note saying.

Idk I try sometimes but it’s like something is stopping me. But it doesn’t matter how much shit I get from people about it

You still had the same humor as him in you, it’s just not verbally expressed. Your laughs are short and brief and his eyes always dart over to you when a little chuckle slips by.

“Oh? Oh? Did you just laugh? Do it again!”

He’s somewhat come to understand what your body language means. Fiddling with your fingers, bored or nervous. Playing with your hair, disinterested or excited. He’s proud of himself for remembering! Now please thank him by patting his head.

Deuce Spade

He thought you were just shy, it made sense knowing that you came from another world. He tried to be gentle with you and explained a lot of things for you. You seem really… annoyed by him sometimes. You walked away from him many times and stared daggers at him when he would explain things.

He eventually made you realize you don’t talk no matter how comfortable you are with someone. So, him trying to be considerate towards you just translates to being irritating.

He’s oddly scared of you. He doesn't know exactly what to do when with you sometimes. This guy is awkward so maybe it’s better if you text him instead of gesturing. He doesn’t get your gestures at all. He tries to understand but sometimes he doesn’t know what you mean when you wave your arms at something. Do you want it?

“Deuce! Are you gonna pick it up?” Grim yipped at him.

“O-Oh that’s what they meant?”

“What else would it be?” Ace snarled.

Ace and Grim have to tell him what you mean most of the time.

He noticed that you’re easily angered, or frustrated. Little things put you in a bad mood and it’s notable. You tend to stay away from people more and he notices you rolling your eyes and frowning.

He’s also very defensive over you. People tend to mock you over something that isn’t any of their business. There are worse things going on with people at this school and people choose to pick on the one that isn’t even hurting anyone? He’s throwing punches, well he would if you didn’t stare disapprovingly at you.

One little stare and he’ll stop whatever he’s doing and start thinking if he did anything wrong.

Kalim Al Asim

There’s no need to be so guarded around him. He understands people get so nervous they can’t speak so he proves he can be trusted. You sure do seem intimidated by his bright, sunny demeanor.

He doesn’t realize until someone tells him the truth.

“Wait, you’re saying they just don’t talk?” He pointed at you while you glanced at him from afar.

“Yes, Kalim, they never speak to anyone.” Jamil firmly said.

He keeps asking you questions and is really talkative to you. You seem less cautious around him at the very least. He often overloads you with words. He talks really fast and you can’t process a thing he’s saying!

Jamil has to draw him back when he starts up a never ending conversation. A very one sided one at that.

He really doesn’t understand how you don’t talk. Words pretty much just jump out of his mouth sometimes.

Jamil Viper

He noticed your silent demeanor from the very beginning. He doesn’t mind, he gets a break from the chatterbox that he’s around 24/7.

You were sassy though. You weren’t soft in the slightest. Seen when you forcefully grabbed Floyd by the hair and snatched Grim’s magic brooch. He could tell you were more easy ticked off than the normal person.

The people you associate yourself with were a far cry from what type of person you were. Then again, it may be because they’re completely different is why you stick with them.

“I came here on behalf of Kalim. You’re invited to join us for dinner tonight.” He had convinced Kalim that he could handle inviting people for the sake of you.

“Yippee!!” Grim cheered. You judged him and made a heart gesture in your hand and Grim nodded.

“Ace and Deuce are gonna be there too?” He asked.

“It depends on their answer.”

Vil Schoenheit

When he asks questions, he expects an answer. Which is why he was so taken aback when you stared blankly at him.

“V-Vil… They don’t really speak.”

“What do you mean?”

“MC doesn’t talk to anyone.”

Well as long as he knows you’re listening to him then he’s fine with it.

He saw how you went along with however Ace, Deuce, and Grim did. Yet you didn’t at the same time. You were willing to sell them out sometimes, but sometimes you didn’t.

You’re a complicated individual to him. You must have a knack for befriending all the rowdy ones because you became close with Epel and added him to your friend group.

But you still possessed beauty he can admire. You almost gave off the same aura as Epel but different, more calm and overtaking. Your very presence could change the room which is something he doesn’t see often.

Rook Hunt

Oh? You’ve just become the apple of his eye. Rivaling Vil and Neige! (Still not beating either of them but you’re 3rd place) your allure is one he’s never felt before. You’re pulling him in without any words, just the way your body moves and your quick glances in his direction.

He memorizes your body language and can read how you’re feeling. Though the amount of time it took was scarily short.

You go out of your way to avoid interacting or even being in a distance from him. But you’re stuck with him for a while with VDC and such. Every morning of the training camp, he woke you up. It was a terrifying sight for sure.

“Bonjour! I’d be best if you started your day about now.”

“A-ah?!”

He would repeat it every morning, while sitting at your bedside. You tried to lock your door but he got in regardless.

A bit of a stalker..

Epel Felmier

He was actually rather interested in you. Not for being silent 24/7 but because of your attitude. He always thought attitude could be expressed only through words but you prove otherwise. You roll your eyes, scoff, cross your arms, walk away, and glare to get your opinion across.

You two are on the same wave length all the time. Thinking the same thing at nearly every moment.

“MC, wanna take a detour?” You didn’t even reply as you stepped to the right to signal your response.

Both of you two are little jerks and can get away with it. Not only that, you genuinely do enjoy his company and the same vice versa.

Neige LeBlanche

First impressions were a bit rough. It was a rare time for you to be alone but the rest of the group were preparing for the performance so there wasn’t much you could do.

But unexpectedly, you ran into a face you’ve seen on ads, commercials, and billboards.

“Ah! You must be the prefect. I’ve heard a bunch about you! Oh wait, apologies. My name is Neige Leblanche!” He stuck out his hand after his introduction. You shook his hand stiffly and tried to pull away but you found his hand didn’t budge.

Red flags were everywhere and you just had to leave before anything happened. He pulled your forward and smiled, blinding you with his princely charms.

“Vil is doing okay? We hardly talk and I really want to know!” You squinted as you tried to shake off the hand subtly.

You looked away and searched the room for assistance. But there was absolutely no one. Your hands were shaking and you took a deep breath.

Dammit Grim! Where is he when you actually need him?

“Eh… Are you ok? What’s your name? Are you sick?” An idea popped into your head as you nodded with a strained look. You pointed at your throat.

“Oh dear! You lost your voice? That’s terrible. What happened exactly? Oh, well maybe you can’t answer me.” You shot a fake smile and nodded.

[serenheist]

What Taehyung is like in a relationship/ Taehyung as a boyfriend Tarot reading

How long does it take him to get into a relationship? & Does he prefer long or short term relationships 8 of cups, queen of swords, 10 of pentacles 9 of pentacles reversed, 4 of cups

Ffs the queen of swords always pops up. Anyway yeah I don’t see him getting into anything quickly. He could’ve in the past but I think past relationships left him drained af and feeling alienated. I think he has a shit ton of walls up and is a lot more no nonsense now. It’s probably intimidating and more blunt to others because he wants to get to the heart of why someone is trying to get with him since so many people try to pull the same shit and fuck around with him like he’s dumb. He does not settle for anything other than what he wants. If he can’t find “the one” then he legit just rather be alone. It looks like he’s now more focused on building a Legacy though and something serious and long term so he has no desire to just jump into something with anyone. He basically would wait it out and get to know them long before deciding he trusts them enough and feels comfortable enough to show his emotions and not be so aloof.

I feel like he’d be the type to not show much interest at first because he really needs to scope the person out. So the person probably wouldn’t even know he actually likes them. Actually he could be a little too jaded and bored to the point of turning away everyone even though he does want a relationship. But in his mind there’s too many people being carbon copies and trying to swindle him for his money bruh for real all of bts are having this problem like damn it keeps reoccurring. Idk why it seems like there’s people also trying to use money to get with him like they’re rich and they think he’ll just want someone loaded. Like dude he’s already rich so that doesn’t work and to him them having a ton of money means Jack shit when they have the personality of a damn rock.

Past & present love life 10 of swords, 2 of pentacles present: the hermit, 5 of wands

Past love life: welp. Do I really need to explain the 10 of swords. I think actually that he had all this past trauma and shit from relationships and even other shit he still hasn’t dealt with but there was no time to even process that because he had to get back to work and act like he was fine. I think he’s the type of person that buries himself in his career when he experiences traumatic stuff that he doesn’t want to deal with. And of course it’s easier when you’re busy 24/7 anyway. This relationship betrayed him in every way tbh but maybe it was a catalyst for better things to come though he still might not see this right now. Present: I don’t see him in a relationship now currently cause the hermit but also being a major arcana it’s like he’s really in a life stage right now where he just wants to be alone because there’s so much conflict going on and he’s feeling anxious and having all these negative pessimistic thoughts that he just needs time to himself. I don’t think he very optimistic about his love life right now he’s lost a lot of hope. Things are too chaotic elsewhere to focus on romance.

What is he like in a relationship? the chariot, ace of cup, Unicorn, fae 61, solus 13, vanth, the sun reversed, anger and chains 29, justice, 2 of swords reversed, 3 of cups reversed, avenoir 1, princess of pentacles,ta’om the poet 29, ace of swords, Thanatos

What is he like in a relationship? When he’s in a relationship he really puts all his focus on that person and will go above and beyond for them. There’s a kind of masculine and feminine balance in him in the sense that he’s ready to be the go getter and take charge but there’s also a vulnerable energy and overflowing emotions. He works hard to take care of his person and make the relationship work . The only downside is he could possibly be too smothering to his partner or come on too strongly because of past shit and maybe too clingy for some people since in a relationship he really shows his softer side and he’s not as aloof as he is to others. He loves to have little house parties with his partner and have friends and family over with a ton of food and music.

For date ideas he’s down for anything but especially something “magical” maybe literally some place like Disneyland or pagan festival like beltane? That’s specific af but there’s a medieval type of energy and nature spirits and shit, he wants to do stuff he hasn’t done before and that might even be outside his comfort zone since G. Hobyah card is all about imaginary fears and getting past them. The best qualities he has in a relationship is the ability to help his partner stand on their own 2 feet but also recognizes that you can’t do everything on your own so he’s the type of person who would go above and beyond and connect you to the right people or situations. He’s always there when his partner really needs them and will make sure to put time aside.

His worst quality is that I don’t think he knows how to express his anger in a healthy way. I think with the sun reversed next to anger and chains it’s more like he doesn’t know how to fully show it it’s kinda repressed but his emotions under the exterior are a hot mess and there’s a big need for stability. It’s like being too stubborn to admit when you mess up and petty shit cause it hurts his ego. But I don’t think it’s super bad considering the justice card I used to represent his communication style. I feel that even if he gets mad af he gets over things really quickly and one minute he’s be angry and 10 minutes later he’ll be asking you what you want for dinner like wtf.

When he likes someone he’s not going to jump in and immediately go approach them. I see him instead watching them intently from afar lol he’s very cautious and like gathering everything he can on that person. Dude’s a 1st class stalker. Jk But the thing is the person wont even know he is interested in them because he keeps a serious face as a kind of mask but on the inside he’s like a giddy kid. Ta’om is known for looking serious and thoughtful but is actually very playful and slightly mischievous. I think Taehyung is definitely one to start off as friends and slowly get to know someone rather than just start dating because he really wants to know that person well to see how real they are and if they’re just putting up a front.

He’s not attracted to new shiny things that are perfect he’s able to see the beauty in all things even in difficulty. After he’s been friends with them for awhile and knows if that person like him back, that’s when he’d actually make a move. He finds a lot of satisfaction in doing services for others until they’re completed so it makes me think his love language (giving) is acts of service but with the ace of swords is pretty obvious his Receiving love language is words of affirmation but moreso he appreciates when someone is blunt and honest and not just saying stuff to make him feel better cause then it’s just insincere.

What is his ideal type? the ageless, the star, the singer of healing 10, el shaddai, protection 26, ram, the maestro, fae 41, the sage 19, king of cups reversed, himself 17, danu, death reversed, obsession

His type: this person seems to have had some messed up stuff happen to them in their past. Even when others were horrible to them they still kept their dignity and chose to still give to others instead of give in to bitterness and despair. It’s like the Phoenix where no matter how many times they metaphorically die, they can still rise up even better than before. I think they’re able to help heal others because they’ve been through the trauma themselves but they know how to be honest and blunt without being overly mean about it. They have a kid of tough exterior though I think from years of negativity from people that’s made them strong but also a little distant from people and they need a lot of time to themselves to recharge and get away from peoples bs. Honestly this seems a lot like Taehyung too lol I think he wants someone who’s been through similar traumas.

The ram keeps calling out to me that I think this persons way of showing love is a little aggressive but that’s what Taehyung likes in someone tbh. It’s not like actually showing love it’s hard to explain. It’s more so you know when someone tries to act like sarcastic and shit to hide the fact that they like someone? Idk why it reminds me of toph from avatar the last airbender where she just punches people to show affection it’s kinda like that. Cause they’re not good at being really vulnerable. They put on this brave face and are pretty good at it to the point where you won’t notice that they’re jealous seeing you hang out with someone else. But this person is really independent like I’m not joking lmao and a go getter they don’t rely on anyone really. And don’t give a fuck who you are.

There’s 2 healing cards and honestly why is this person so similar to Taehyung lol this person is great at helping or healing others but again has to realize it’s okay to also get help for yourself. They think maybe that they’re fine on their own and they don’t like relying on others for help because people disappoint you and it’s easier to just do it yourself. But they’re really good at giving advice and are lot nicer than their exterior let’s on. Bruh the star card makes my mind keep playing that I’m gonna be a star song by twice lmao stop. I think this person actually is a star or is working up to it cause they have huge plans. This isn’t someone just wanting a mundane job I think they’re gonna go big.

Especially paired with the ram talking about they go for big dreams and huge successes. This person won’t stop until they accomplish their dreams they really don’t care what others say and will go to the extremes to get there. I see they have a lot of talents anyway but some people were like saying negative shit that their dreams are impossible but they’re learning to set boundaries with other people and it’s more of a just move in silence energy. Also usually I don’t say zodiac signs but since it’s a major arcana it might play some significance but Aquarius might be prominent in their chart (nvm I just remembered Taehyung has venus in Aquarius so duh you dumbass it wouldn’t be that out there to think he’d be drawn to Aquarius qualities).

I wonder if this person is into astrology though given all the glyphs. I think this is someone Taehyung has been trying to manifest and call in too like wishing on a star for a looooong time and maybe thought it wouldn’t come but boy does the universe have a surprise for you. They really are future oriented thinkers and know a lot about spirituality I think that a big part of who they are I really don’t think they’d be completely atheist or not care about spiritual topics. They give a lot without much thought in return and can talk about anything with openness and honesty. With Taehyung they’d teach him everything under the sun. He likes when he can share all this knowledge especially about weirder topics with someone who isn’t going to dismiss him. I see them really encouraging him to try new things and show him things he never knew were possible. They treat him like he finally belongs somewhere in the world.

This shit is kinda spooky because both the maestro guy and illbe the retriever are holding orbs/a little white ball close to them and they speak of the same thing. This person really protects Taehyungs hopes and dreams. Also they themselves obviously represent a dream that Taehyung thought was long gone and impossible. I think it can be taken literally too lol to mean that when Taehyung is being forgetful af. This person is that type of person who has your keys already when you think you lost them. They’re really the more responsible one in the relationship lmao helping him to be more organized and get his life together. The next set of cards I used to represent what his biggest turn ons are. This isn’t in a sexual way though lmao I meant the qualities he likes the most in his ideal type. Already I noticed how all the cards are facing straight ahead and looking right at you so it makes me think this person has some intense ass eye contact and looks intimidating and they got a rbf.

With the king of cups reversed I don’t think they’re actually these heartless cold bitches and that Taehyung is turned on by that because the sage card is upright and talks about the same shit but this is a person definitely who looks colder but is actually kind on the inside. He kinda likes people who look cold like that but are actually sweethearts. This person is not one of those super lovey-dovey people or uses pet names and babytalk like “my sweet baby Taehyung” whatever I think they find it very cringe. They have some trauma from when they were kids where they felt as if they aren’t allowed to act very emotional because people will think they’re weak and take advantage of them (this is just their beliefs about themselves) they instead act very macho or tough again lol like Toph from ATLA idk why I keep thinking of her but there’s like a kinda tomboy energy but they’re really not heartless they just need the right person to feel comfortable around and need to work on opening up emotionally.

There’s so much masculine and yang energy but then at the end you see this motherhood figure so it again really makes me think it’s a front and this person is so nurturing and that’s what really draw Taehyung to them. He loves the most that this person knows so much about the most random things and esoteric topics. They value tradition and stability but they also understand the need for growth and change they’re the perfect balance. Communication is really a big thing for Taehyung it’s a reoccurring theme in this. Someone who is very good at communicating and are action oriented. They say what they mean and mean what they say. It’s very important that they are their own unique individual self and have their own goals and skills and hobbies.

This person is probably a powerful manifester too and sets their intentions and goes after them. They have so much power and confidence also with the himself card they could be a dancer or love dance since he’s a dancer faerie they’re very much into creative shit. They seem very natural and not the type who got work done or wears too much makeup idk there’s like a wild energy lol like this bitch is from the damn forest. If someone attacked Taehyung this person would literally drop kick someone even if the person was bigger than them. Danu card is always protective and nurturing but ferocious if you mess with their person. Like “idc what you do to me but if you touch my guy I’ll end you”.

Now onto what Taehyung’s biggest turn offs in general are: death reversed and obsessed card lol oh god bro I am fucking done. His biggest turn off is when someone makes him the center of their universe. I mean this in the extreme way like “omg you’re my one and only we’re meant to be I think about you 5000 times a day and have an entire closet with all your pictures and I document your entire life” 👀 and he’s like uhh can you get a damn hobby? (That doesn’t involve me) Cause imagine someone’s entire life revolves around you. It’s sweet at first I guess? Lmaoo then it’s just creepy and like they have no life or personality without you. Death reversed is like something is plaguing you and following you around, pestering and annoying you. He must’ve experienced this shit irl lmao if it’s this strong with a major arcana to come up as a turn off. Cause major arcana are big ass life lessons. Like they thought he wouldn’t know they were secretly obsessed with his ass and used other people like his friends to get closer to him but I’m telling you Taehyungs intuition is something else and he always knows when people are some obsessed crazies. This is exactly why he’s so cautious now because of bs like that he can’t trust anyone. Like please stop acting like Jodi Arias and have some self respect.

[supremeinlilac]

Three’s not a crowd, especially when it’s us (1)

Summary: Its just part one idk what to say? oh, its a slow burn :) The idea came to me at 4am and I’ve just ran with it, it was initially going to be like 4 parts, and now its probably more like 10.

Word count: 2546

Warnings: mild language 

You weren’t quite sure how you’d managed to get through 2 months of being at Miss Robichaux's without accidently revealing your true ‘power’ to anyone. You thought that Ms Goode, of all people, would see through your bland lie about setting your families house on fire being the reason you’d ended up at the academy’s front doors. Instead, she’d simply nodded at you with a kind smile and a tour of the house.

You’d met all the witches, heard stories about the house and how this was now one of many schools like it that the Supreme had opened since rising. Some of the other houses were for the young witches and were more discreetly placed to avoid the inevitable hate crimes that witches still faced, while some were for the older women who’d always been taught to hide in the shadows and supress themselves rather than flourish. You’d fallen into the middle, gifted witches that were brought to learn under the Supremes’ close guidance and protection.

Your first night had involved sitting beside the fireplace with Zoe and Queenie, who were asking of your abilities and showing their own with stories of before Cordelia’s reign as supreme. You were awed by Queenies voodoo abilities, laughing at the time she’d stabbed her hand with a fork when Madison was being bitchy. You insisted she show you sometime. Madison was back at this point, you’d yet to meet her as she was off on some trip but Zoe had already advised you to stay clear. They weren’t even sure how she’d got back from hell, normally she would be the first to brag about something like that, but apparently she’d kept relatively quiet about it.

You’d met Ms Venable the next day, after hearing hushed rumours from the other girls about her sharpness and generally how they were all scared of her intimidating grandeur. She’d given you your lesson timetable with a quick flick of her eyes down your body at your state of undress when you’d come to the door, barking about having some decency. Her striking features and the perfect peaks of her red hair had you scrambling for something coherent to babble back to her as she turned and left you, mouth agape and staring after the strike of her cane on the ground.

Although Ms Venable had no magical abilities of her own, she was no less admired and feared among the other witches at the academy, her quick wit and sharp tongue more than compensating and aiding in her looming dominance. She prided herself in teaching the girls practical non-magic skills and subjects that they could put to use in due course when their time within the school’s halls ran out.

The girls had whispered and giggled to you about Ms Cordelia having a thing for Ms Venable, because of how she used to flush and stumble over her words in the presence of the woman. You hadn’t noticed in your brief week at the academy, mainly due to not having seen them together an awful lot in that time.

Over the weeks you found yourself watching their fleeting interactions, mentally noting the way Cordelia would shift under her gaze at the breakfast table. How she would be the first to pick up the fallen cane as it clattered to the ground; never using her telekinesis for it either, she would go out of her way to get up and retrieve it, small smile and glances exchanged as she did so.

You understood why the girls had picked up on Cordelia’s feelings for the redhead, but you were surprised at how they’d missed the obvious way Ms Venable would soften when she looked at Cordelia teaching when she’d walk past the open classroom door, or the way she’d grip her cane until her knuckles whitened when she caught one of the girls imitating the Supreme. You thought it was obvious, maybe it was just you. Maybe it was just that you’d grown rather fond of her and liked to observe the small habits that she’d do when annoyed or relaxed.

It was clear they didn’t just like each other, but that they were together, whether they formally declared it or not, to you at least; the lingering touches and glances when they thought no one was looking.

Over your weeks at the academy, you’d grown to appreciate the time you were able to spend alone with either women. You were always the first to volunteer your time in the greenhouse or to carry files for Ms Venable when she walked past a classroom with papers balanced precariously in one arm.

Cordelia had developed a soft spot for you, as an eager and caring student. You’d laugh and mess around with the plants in the greenhouse and share stories of times when your magic hadn’t quite gone to plan. You’d become infatuated with her laugh on one of these nights, when she’d let down all barriers and just enjoyed herself without worry.

Once, and at the time you’d totally thought yourself to be completely pushing your luck, you’d arranged a dinner for the pair of them out there, hauling Wilhemina’s chair outside from the kitchen so that she would be comfortable. You’d known that they’d both been stressed and hadn’t had much time for themselves away from the hum of the girls. Happy as always to oblige, you’d thought they’d appreciate the small moment to enjoy a meal together in the peace of Cordelia’s safe space.

They did, of course. Although it was only the Supreme who voiced her thanks, squeezing your shoulder tightly while Ms Venable shot you a momentary smile and a nod of approval. Since then, you wanted nothing more than her approval again.

***

At the dinner table, Madison had made some offhand remark about your magic which had sent ripples of barely contained laughter down the table. You’d looked up to Zoe who just gave a sympathetic grimace and a shrug, everyone else just continued sipping at the soup, an occasional slurp breaking the quietness. Everyone was so used to Madisons comments and attitude that they just took to ignoring it in uncomfortable silence.

You were not used to it. You didn’t understand why everyone could just sit and let her berate people as she did, you’d been brought up in kindness and empathy. Pushing your chair back, you emptied the contents of your bowl into the bin before quickly leaving the kitchen, guilty faces watching you leave. Cordelia shifted uncomfortably in her seat, knowing as the headmistress and supreme she shouldn’t stand for the way Madison talked to some of the girls, but she knew that aggravating her further would be a worse idea. Wilhemina’s hand came to settle discreetly on her thigh, squeezing slightly and grounding her in a silent way to tell her that it wasn’t her fault.

You’d slipped out into the greenhouse to let of some steam, moving objects around and letting yourself set random balls of paper on fire safely as an outlet for you to bubble your frustrations out through magic. After having done so, you settled into one of the chairs in the corner, pulling your knees up to your chest and resting your chin on them.

It had been Ms Venable who came through the doors to find you, heaving a sigh as she lowered herself into the chair beside you and balanced her cane against the arm. She sat rigidly, as always, hands clasped in her lap and one leg balanced over the other. Allowing herself to observe you, she took in your slumped shoulders and tired face which you hid in your drawn up knees.

“Cordelia sent me.” She stated, straight to the point as always, and you lifted your head in acknowledgement.

She’d lied, Cordelia hadn’t sent her. The supreme had actually wanted to come herself but Wilhemina had said that she’d go, that she needed to talk to you anyway; but she’d never tell you that of course. She had a stature to uphold.

You sat in uncomfortable silence, neither one knowing what to say to put the other at ease. Wilhemina didn’t really know how to start conversations with anyone apart from Cordelia that didn’t begin with a barked command or condescending jab.

“Ignore Madison. That insolent girl needs to be put in her place.” She quipped; lips drawn into a thin scowl before softening as you looked up at her. “From what I’ve seen and been told, your magic is coming along quite nicely. You should be proud of your progress.” She added quickly, suddenly finding great interest in the hanging plants that Cordelia had been tending to over the past few days: a new addition to the greenhouse.

“No. she was right. I’m not upset about Madison; I’m upset because no one knows me. Not really.” You mused, an appreciating smile gracing your lips for a second at her words. It wasn’t that you were overly affected by Madisons words, it had just served as a reminder to how you were keeping everyone in the dark.

“What do you mean?” She asked softly, as soft as you’ve ever heard her talk, hand reaching to draw your knees out from under your chin so you could uncurl to speak to her properly. You inhaled a shaky breath, fingers digging crescents into your knees as you prepared to tell her the thing you’d been hiding for months.

“Promise you won’t get mad?” You asked hopefully, knowing it wasn’t something she could, or even would want to promise to you. She shook her head shortly, “you know I can’t promise you that.” Pushing it to the back of your mind, you decided to just blurt it out; now or never so to speak.

“I’ve been keeping my natural power a secret. I lied on my first day. I- I didn’t set my house on fire.” You admitted, head hanging shamefully and tears pricking at your vision. You didn’t need to look at Wilhemina to see the scowl that would inevitably be forming to replace the slight smile she’s had, at your stupidity.

“And you didn’t think Ms Goode needed to know of this?” watching you in disbelief, shaking her head and tutting. “You’ve been here long enough to know better, missy.” She scolded, making to get up by bracing her hands firmly against her knees and reaching for her cane.

You scrambled off your seat, frantically holding your hands up in front of you towards her in an attempt to stop her from going. Your hands found purchase on her wrists and you guided her slowly to sit back down, pushing slightly when she protested.

“No, no please- I mean, don’t go.” You pleaded, eyes wide, squatting in front of her so you could fall to a kneel, making sure your face was in her line of vision and she could see how scared the thought of having to tell Cordelia of your dishonesty was making you. Shuffling in place where you knelt, you quietly muttered your thanks when she settled back against the chair.

She scoffed audibly to make you aware of her distaste at the current situation but made no attempt to move your hands from where they now rested near her hands on her knees, or even to suggest that you move them yourself. Accepting that you weren’t going to let her leave until she’d listened, she let her curiosity pique and, raising her brow in question, she asked you shortly.

“What ability is so embarrassing that you decide to keep it from us all for so long? Lord knows it can’t be as bad as being a human gluten detector.”

You appreciated her dry attempt at humour to deflect from the uncomfortable silence you’d fallen into. Fidgeting your fingers against the fabric of her skirt, you remembered a dream you’d had where you’d told Zoe of your power and she’d turned the whole coven against you. Brushing it off, telling yourself that Zoe would never do that, you continued to admit to Ms Venable.

“I’m not even sure of it myself, I can’t find a name for it anywhere. I don’t even know if it has a name.”

“So it’s rare?” Wilhemina seemed to strike an interest then, straitening up and raising her eyebrows as if to prompt you to continue. She did this until she seemed to remember that she’s meant to be uninterested and she forced herself to scoff and reached to tweak her earring deftly between finger and thumb.

“It will have a name. Incompetence is the reason you cannot find it.” She stated coldly, lips pursed in intolerance. “That or your just looking in the wrong place,” she added, noting the way you looked down at your trembling and twitching fingers when she was mean.

You paused, having a momentary realisation of what you were doing before the thought was swiftly pushed to the side of your mind by the familiar pull of your magic at your fingertips.

“C-can I show you?” you blurted, almost clamping your hand over your mouth at your unexpected boldness.

“You most certainly will do no such thing, it’s not me that needs to be aware of your abilities, it is Ms Goode that you need to show.” She barked, defensiveness coming back out at your request. You tried not to take it to heart, knowing that that was just her way. Not that she would ever tell you, but Wilhemina felt a lot more secure talking about magic with Cordelia present, where she knew she wouldn’t be judged for having a less secure knowledge of the field. She liked to always be the most well versed in the room, hated to be spoken at about a topic she was new to.

“I can’t show Ms Goode without you.” You tried to explain, an itch of annoyance bubbling under your skin when she laughed at you again mockingly.

“I can’t show Ms Goode without you.” She mimicked, face pulled into a grimace which made you scowl, and exaggerating the words to a degree that just felt excessive, even for Ms Venables constant condescendence.

Your mouth fell open. You couldn’t believe this woman’s nerve.

Something suddenly snapped in your head at her incessant mocking and the condescending tone she used, and you found yourself moving your hands quickly from her knees to her hands, linking your fingers tightly before she could even react. You watched her eyes raise in surprise and the cocky smirk fall from her lips as she attempt to pull away unsuccessfully.

“What are you- get your hands off me!” She exclaimed; voice higher than normal in surprise as your quick movements caught her off guard.

You closed your eyes, trying to block out the way her hands pulled within yours and the sting of her nails digging into the delicate skin of your palms as she tried to free herself. The heat of your magic burned under your skin, the annoyance you felt only serving as a fuel, directing all your power towards the woman in your grip.

When you felt the snap of your magic release, Wilhemina let out a cry of pain and you almost stopped.

Almost.

***

  Part 2

Just to clarify, your powers do not involve giving people orgasms lmaoo. I will never try to leave anything on a cliffhanger ever again rip.

taglist : @pearplate @billiedeansbottom @pluied-ete @extraordinarilycelestrial​@toujours-ensanglante​@mssallymckenna @okpaulson  @magnificent-paulsonn @shineestark​ @commanderspeach @grilledcheeseandguavajelly @amethyst-bitch​​ @its-soph-xx​,,if you want to be added just send me an ask :))

[childishfluff]

Mister Nook- Little!Tommy/CG!Awesamdude (DSMP Agere)

Summary: 

When Tommy gets himself into trouble while regressed, and Sam has to be stern with him for the first time ever, and the new caregiver finds out some of the ways Tommy's past caretakers have affected him.

But everything turns out fine, because Mister Nook knows just how to cheer him up and exactly what to say to help him feel better. -- This is non-sexual, sfw age regression, dni if you're nsfw/abdl/ageplay/cgl/ect. If any of the creators included in this work say *anything* about being uncomfy with fan fiction/of agere content including them, I will take this down and/or modify it appropriately. If they have already said something that I'm unaware of, please let me know.

A/N: Okay so I wanted to write something cute bc the familial dynamic here?? is so?? cute?? anyways- also, here, tommy deals with anxiety/has a sort of panic attack, sorry I'm projecting onto c!tommy and no one can stop me. It's also really fluffy near the end, but I wanted to put the appropriate warnings. Warnings: Talk of slightly abusive past-cgs (only mentioned/you can see the after effects of it), little breaking down/having a short panic attack but Sam helps him through it, attempting to hide fidgeting (idk if that needs a warning?), and Tommy thinking badly about himself.

--

His tear-filled eyes were casted down, staring at his own feet as he switched his weight between them, waiting to be yelled at by the adult man in front of him. He held his hands behind his back, attempting to hide the fact that he was fidgeting.

"You could've hurt yourself, Tommy," Sam spoke softly, crouching down to meet his height. "I need you to stick with me, and not climb anything, I don't know how many times I have to tell you." He sounded disappointed, but not quite mad. Tommy waited, expecting more scolding or punishment.

He had regressed while on a trip for supplies with Sam Nook (the teenager didn't need to know that it was just Sam acting for his sake), the creeper hybrid immediately offering to care for him. And Tommy, instead of being thankful for Sam's kindness, ignored every rule he set in place. No wandering off, no climbing things because 'you're just a kid and I don't want you to get hurt', he didn't listen to any of it.

Sam had been patient, too, stopping his collecting and calmly reminding the kid that he wasn't supposed to do that, before ruffling his hair or kissing his forehead and returning to his work. All of that, only for Tommy to immediately go back to the thing he wasn't supposed to do.

Tommy heart had dropped and melted into a pool of anxiety the moment Sam snapped in frustration and pulled him down from where he hung on a tree, telling him that he shouldn't try and climb when he's so small and clumsy. The moment Sam got to stern with him, Tommy was prepared for yelling and some sort of punishment.

A time out? Ten minutes of no-talking-time, no matter how emotional he was or how much comfort he needed? Maybe his stuffed animals would be taken away once they headed home, or possible his favorite toy would be banished to a cabinet he couldn't reach for a bit. Or he wouldn't be allowed to have his favorite dessert, chocolate chip cookies, for a little while. He didn't know, it was always a surprise with his past caregivers.

"M' sorry," Tommy mumbled, not looking up at him. He blinked away tears, sniffling already.

"Hey," Sam realized that he made him cry, frowning, "I'm sorry I snapped at you, Toms. I just got frustrated, no one's upset with you, or angry," he said, trying to get a glance at his face, only for Tommy to duck his head farther down. "Hey, hey, look up at me." he still spoke softly, calmly as ever, which only scared Tommy more.

It felt like he was watching a ticking bomb, and that Sam would hit a certain point and just burst, and the bomb explosion would bring the overly-harsh disciplinary behaviors he was used to.

He had broke the rules, where was the yelling?

Tommy felt fingers under his chin, gently guiding him to look up. He was a bit confused when he saw nothing but the face of a concerned friend. "Sorry, sorry, should've listened," he mumbled, backing away from Sam. "P'ease don' be mad."

"I'm not mad! Not at all," Sam didn't know how to help, or why the boy was so scared. All it took was him getting a little frustrated for Tommy to become an anxious mess, crying and begging for him not to be mad. What had his past caregivers done to make him expect anger so bad it made him cry, when he broke the rules?

He was simply a child being ordered to just follow an adult around with nothing to do while said adult worked, it wasn't fun and it should almost be expected for him to get into a little trouble, Sam knew that. That's why he was being so lenient and calm, trying to find ways to entertain Tommy as he worked, he was trying to be understanding. But apparently, past caregivers didn't think the same way.

"No, no, m' sorry," Tommy continued to fidget behind his back, still feeling the need to hide his anxious habit, not listening to Sam's attempts at reassuring him as he panicked. He finally finds an adult that cares about him, and he messes it up by being a brat (As Wilbur so kindly put it constantly back in Pogtopia)? Sam hated him, there's no way he didn't. He had messed up already and he hated himself for it.

"Come here," Sam ordered, opening his arms. "If you want to," he added, realizing that the boy might not want to hug him. He didn't know how else to comfort a crying child, though.

Tommy only stepped forward, wiping at his face and going quiet. Sam sighed, "Okay," he lowered his arms, figuring he wasn't getting anywhere with that. Plus, the creeper didn't want to make him uncomfortable. He'd just figure out another way to help him.

"What's wrong, Toms?" He wanted to figure this out, he just wanted to help him.

"When are you gonna yell at me, Mister Nook?" he tilted his head as he looked up at Sam with curious and innocent eyes, genuinely confused with the situation. Sam was still being nice to him, even though he wasn't being good. He didn't get it.

"Why would I yell at you?" Sam seemed confused, and all the more concerned.

"Cause I was bad," Tommy mumbled, dropping his hands to his sides when Sam seemed to noticed that his arms were moving.

Sam took a second to process the little's words, feeling anger bubble in his chest when he put together what that meant. He couched down a bit more, giving Tommy a serious look.

"Tommy, did your other caregivers yell when you broke the rules or got in trouble?" He questioned carefully, feeling himself get unreasonably angry as he thought about what his next interactions with Philza or Technoblade would look like. He pushed that aside, looking to Tommy. For now, he needed to focus on the regressor, and help him calm down. He had an anxious little to care for, he'd get revenge on the assholes that made him anxious at a later date.

\He watched as Tommy nodded nervously. "And yelling scares you?" he asked, sympathetic tone in his voice. Another nod, paired with Tommy looking down at his feet again, as if he was embarrassed. Sam lifted his chin again, "So, your old caregivers, they got mad at you when you misbehaved?"

He sounded shocked, like the behavior was unreasonable. Of course, it really was, but Tommy didn't quite understand that. He didn't deserve to be yelled at just because he wasn't perfectly behaved all the time. He didn't deserve to be treated this badly, especially when he was turning to his safe place.

Tommy nodded a bit, wiping a tear from under his eye, "Don' like it when people are mad at me. Makes me feel bad." he explained in his childlike voice. He was calming down a bit, listening to Sam's non-angry not-loud voice, almost ready to believe that he wasn't gonna be screamed at.

"Oh, sweet thing," Sam sighed, feeling his heart melt in his chest, "I'm never gonna get mad at you for breaking the rules, okay? I might get a little upset, or frustrated, but never mad, and I won't yell at you unless I absolutely have to, which I'm sure I won't." he explained. Tommy seemed to feel a bit better hearing that, slipping younger as he listened to Sam's calm and soft and reassuring voice.

"You sure? m' not in twouble?" Tommy fiddled with his hands behind his back again, a little sad that he did have any of his comfort items with him. All of his fidget toys and stuffed animals were tucked in a chest in his shack. He hadn't planned to regress today, so all that stuff was back at home.

"No, I don't like punishments anyway! Just try to listen better next time, okay? I'm also really sorry that I snapped at you." Sam held out his pinky, promising that Tommy was okay. Tommy took it in his own, seeming relieved when Sam didn't take back his words in any way. "We'll work on rules and rewards, and getting you to listen better, and how to deal with it when you don't without scaring you. We can talk about it when you're big."

Sam wasn't lying. He preferred the idea reinforcing positive behaviors and softly correcting negative ones, and only using simple, quick punishments that connected directly to whatever was done whenever they were really needed.

Sam ruffled his hair, glad that he wasn't crying anymore, happy he had found a way to comfort him without crossing any of his boundaries. Tommy leaned into the touch as he processed his words. "Rewards?" he seemed like an excited little puppy. Was he not rewarded for good behavior before? Did none of his previous caregivers know what positive reinforcement was?

"Yeah, if you're a good baby and follow the rules well, we can get you new toys and stuff. How does that sound?" Sam paused, thinking it over. "Actually, you can earn a reward if you stick by me and don't climb anything for the rest of the trip."

Tommy's eyes widened as he gasped, bouncing on his feet. "Really?"

"Yep!" Sam said, popping the 'p', "If you're on you're very best behavior, I'll pay Eret to make you a new stuffie, okay? It can be anything you want!" Sam spoke in an overly-excited voice, matching Tommy's 'excited toddler' energy. He'd rather a hyper little than an anxious one.

"Even even ev-" Tommy took a breath, his excitement causing him to stumble over his words, "Even a cow? Wanna a cow stuffie!"

"If that's what you want, I'll just have to ask Eret what she can do," Sam nodded, standing up straight. "C'mon kiddo, I'm gonna get the last of what we need so that we can head home."

Immediately, Tommy followed Sam, sticking by his side the rest of the trip. Not because he was scared of getting in trouble, but because he wanted his reward. He wanted to make 'Mister Nook' proud of him. That's what being a softer caregiver did, it made him want to behave.

Little did anyone know, a softer caregiver is exactly what he needed. Yelling didn't work, it only sent him into panic attacks and break downs. And Sam picked up on that quicker then any of his previous caregivers ever did.

Instead of wandering off and causing trouble, he fiddled with his hands (not behind his back, or because he was anxious, but because he was excited and hopeful) as he followed Sam around like a little helper, rambling on about whatever he wanted, temporarily forgetting about his previous tears or anxious thoughts as Sam was nothing but kind and gentle with him. Eventually they headed home, Sam offering to stay with Tommy for the night, not wanting him to be this little alone.

"Good job today, kiddo. I'll ask Eret about that cow stuffie when I see them next, yeah?" Tommy led Sam to his bedroom once the caregiver told him it was getting late and he wanted him to get to bed soon.

Tommy smiled, "I really did good?" he asked, looking up at Sam hopefully. "Be- beca-" he huffed, frustrated with himself for struggling with the word, "Cause' I tried really hard!" he eventually settled on shortening the word, a little shocked when Sam didn't try to correct him, or get annoyed because he 'wasn't speaking properly'.

"I know, sweetheart. And that's all I ask for, is that you try," Sam ruffled his hair. Just like earlier, Tommy leaned into the touch. After this, Sam lead him through the process of getting ready for bed, laying down with him when the little claimed he absolute needed to cuddle both the creeper hybrid and every single one of his stuffies.

"T'ank you, Mister Nook," Tommy mumbled, cuddling into his chest sleepily.

"For what, Toms?" Sam smiled at his use of 'Mister Nook', glad he found an endearing term he was comfortable with using. This was Sam's first time officially caring for Tommy, though he had agreed that he would when Tommy opened up about wanting to start regressing again a few weeks prior. He just didn't think it'd happen on a trip for supplies.

"Helpin' me when I was sad. Makin' me feel better," he explained his thought process the best he could in his childlike headspace, "Make me happy." He was obviously half asleep, but he was telling the truth. He meant every word he said, even if it didn't make complete sense.

Sam felt his heart warm as Tommy nuzzled his way further into Sam's chest, somehow cuddling even closer. Big Tommy would surely be embarrassed in response to this whole situation, but the new caregiver just found it adorable. "Awe, you're welcome, buddy. I'm glad I could help." he smiled softly, hold him close.

This kid just had him wrapped around his finger, huh? He came in, with his anxiety and trauma, obviously needing help, that Sam was quick to offer. And he was glad he did so, he wanted to do everything he could to help this annoying blonde kid, even if it'd be the end of him.

Tommy seemed to be getting closer and closer to falling asleep by the second, his eyes fluttering shut as he started to give up on staying awake. "Mhm, love yous Mister Nook." His voice was barely audible, mumbled out softly and quietly.

Sam was a little shocked when he processed his words, but he smiled wide, happy that the little cared about him too. He had grown to care about this kid, a lot, and in a very short amount of time. "I-i love you too, kiddo."

But Tommy was already fast asleep, safe in his caregivers arms as he dreamt of playful adventures and fun games, no worries in his mind about loud yelling or anxious tears. Because he was just a kid, and he shouldn't have to worry about those things.

And Sam wanted to do everything he could to help him live a fun and worry free life, the kind of one he'd see in his dreams. He just wanted to protect him. From overly harsh carers or anxiety, no matter what it took.

Because he was Little Tommy's 'Mister Nook'.

--

A/N: I hope y'all liked that! if you're reading this, then you get some exciting news! I'm doing a joint writing project (a short, multi-part dsmp agere fic) that I should be posting the first chapter of soon! It's been really cool see our writing styles and headcannons clash as we work on this, and I really hope you guys like it! I am very excited about it!

anyways, please reply/reblog with/send asks with feedback on this chapter. Can you relate to Tommy? Do you like how I portrayed Tommy and Sam's new cglre dynamic? You can say literally anything, I still appreciate it. Criticism, your favorite scene or bit, or literally heart emojis to say 'hey! I enjoyed this but I'm awkward and this is how I show my support!!!'. 

And, feel free to request something, either in this universe, a completely different one, or one of my others. The worst that can happen is that I say no/take a while to get to it! have a good day, everyone! thanks for reading! 

[bigskydreaming]

You're asked to choose one and only one or DC's future stops existing immediately. your choices:

1. Jason Todd the anti-hero who seldom works with only a couple of the bats he doesn't hate, for example Dick and Cass VS. Jason Todd who came back with healed body but broken spirit, folded back into the Gotham gang and learns to be part of the society again.

2. Tim Drake who makes all of his mistakes as canon but realizes he's been wrong and apologizes to people VS. Tim Drake back in his first iteration, a cute little brother character who is a reader insert and a fun teenager.

3. JayKyle VS DickKyle.

4. Jason Todd with a sword VS. Damian Wayne with a sword.

5. Chris Kent VS. Jon kent.

Okay but which DC future? Its omniversal future? Its hypertime future? Its multiversal future? Its Elseworlds future? Its dark multiverse future? Mwahahaha your threat is useless because the sheer wtf of DC's continuities, timelines and conflicting declarations of what to even call their multiomnihyperverse makes it impossible to target simply A future! DC's overly unnecessarily complicated nature renders it functionally immortal and impossible to ever truly destroy, take that Darkseid.

I mean. But anyway. Whatevs:

1) I honestly do prefer the idea of Jason someday fully reuniting/reintigrating into the Batfam as a whole, because fuck it, the found family I'm here for is the one where they actually act like a family....I just think it takes actual work to get to that point and I get irey when people are like we're here! We found it! And its like meanwhile, abusive dynamics still abound. Mmm. No thank you. But even though I've been on a huge Jason and Dick and Cass kick for like, forever, I do still aim for him having a dynamic of his own with the rest of the family.

Like the thing is, I hate playing the favorites card in families, and I think the emphasis on so and so being Bruce's favorite child or so and so being this kid's favorite sibling, etc, like it really does feel like to the detriment of the whole family, because once you start validating the idea of favorites, ESPECIALLY in a found family that is CONTINUOUSLY growing....I think you're kinda shooting yourself in the foot because you're kinda creating a situation where either no future new additions to the family can EVER be Bruce or one of the kids' 'favorite' or else you're innately positing that said fave status is conditional and even a current fave of Bruce or a sibling can be bumped down the ladder by the addition of a later arrival....

Which is LITERALLY the entire essence of the eternal conflict between Dick and Damian and Tim fans. Its not even that Damian is Dick's favorite, allegedly, its that prior to Damian's very EXISTENCE, fans felt comfortable declaring Tim unilaterally to be Dick's 'favorite'.....and then all it took was the addition of a single family member who had specific NEEDS in regards to Dick's attention and focus, largely because of his age and needing a legal guardian while Tim was old enough to literally jet set around the world on his own.....and like, everything went up in flames in large corners of fandom.

So I'm just like, death to the fave family member myth, its just incredibly counter productive to the idea of found family as a whole especially when it usually only exists to prop up a preferred character as better than others via the proof of see, these other characters say he's their fave or whatever...but also like, its not even necessary?

Because the thing is, you can have Jason reintegrated into the whole family overall, and still prioritize your personal narrative FOCUS on characters you like more than others, like say Dick and Cass.....because of course its natural for even people in the same family to have entirely different DYNAMICS with different family members....and these dynamics don't have to come with a ranking system in order to prioritize which ones you just focus on more in a story. Because its not necessarily that Dick has to be Jason's fave brother, y'know, just for Jason to prefer spending time with Dick simply because he's more comfortable with him due to knowing him longer or being more secure in the idea that Dick doesn't judge him based on their greater shared history.

This doesn't mean that Jason doesn't care for his other siblings, that he can't have strong dynamics with them as well, its just about finding a reason for why these two specifically might be in a story without the others that doesn't demand putting a definitive ranking on which one Jason considers his FAVE. Just like Damian doesn't have to be Dick's FAVE just for them to have the super close canon relationship they have, even relative to the other siblings, because there's everything needed in canon already to establish that the mere fact of Dick essentially RAISING Damian for a year, and being the first one in the family to really take a chance on Damian, like, this lends itself naturally to them maybe more naturally gravitating towards each other than other siblings due to comfort level and familiarity, etc, but it doesn't have to be like....oh but yeah, I just like Damian more than you, Tim, y'know?

So my answer on this one is a total cop out of both, both is good. Jason totally reintegrated back into the family, but with dynamics that still lend themselves fairly easily towards story lineups where its just him running missions with Dick or Duke or any other one or two specific family members even if for no other reason than they gel together best in the field, y'know?

2) Hmm. I honestly really do love and miss 90s Tim Drake and just....don't see him in a lot of what I read these days. I'm like no, why did he have to go, he was doing so well! BUT I'm also on a big accountability kick, and like, I'm so steeped in fics where Dick GROVELS for forgiveness for every little slight he's ever done real or imagined, with every character but Tim in particular, so its like.....I'm not gonna lie, I really have a preference these days for seeing stuff where its literally anyone actually owning up to shit they've done to Dick and apologizing or groveling or making it to HIM, like, completely unconditionally. In the same manner we usually see Dick apologizing, glossing over any reasons he might have had for doing what he did or feeling the way he did, and saying oh it doesn't matter, putting the entirety of his focus on what HE did and why it was wrong no matter what and he's sorry.....that's what I would kill to see from more fics, just in reverse.

Because so often even in the all too rare fics where we DO see other characters apologizing to Dick for shit, its watered down with Dick volunteering that oh he messed up too, it was a two way street, and its like no! This is Pettiness Hours! I want the unconditional apologies! Give me the groveling! From anyone, I don't care at this point, lol, just show me characters actually PUTTING IN THE WORK to make it up to Dick for harm they've caused him, even if completely unintentionally or via neglecting his feelings or considering the repercussions their actions or words would have on him. Aaaaaaand, frankly, Tim's a good place to start there, because of how one sided all the takes on their conflicts have been for so many years. I mean, if people need a place to start, Batman and Robin Eternal gets enough praise it can't be pretended that people in fandom don't know that story exists, so how about some stories where Tim says he's fucking sorry for punching Dick in issue #4 or #5 of that one, and it was uncalled for and he was clearly just looking for an excuse to unleash some more of his resentment and upset for the Spyral/Forever Evil stuff, and family deciding that its totally okay to punch Dick whenever they're mad at him and need to work off some aggression so they can then finally forgive him (for now) is a trend that needs to die in a fire post-haste? I mean just as an example.

But the thing that kills me about fanfic trends is like....the sameness of so much of it. There's SO much room for variety and diverse takes, and like....I don't actually hate Tim! I'm just cranky because of the imbalanced nature of most content out there for literal years at this point. Push the pendulum BACK in the other direction, create some balance by showing the flip side of things.....and that leaves a lot more room for me and others of like minds to then be more amenable to - and even interested in - other stories that don't scratch this particular itch, but don't need to, because other stories are doing the scratching by then, y'know?

And THEN like, at that point, I would be ALL FOR more stories that are just callbacks to classic 90s Tim who I adore, with his skateboarding and his EARNESTNESS and his go-get-em spirit and also the gumption. All the gumption. I like that Tim. I do miss that Tim. But like, for the moment, like, I want accountable Tim because I am tiiiiiiiired of groveling Dick and tbh at this point its not enough for me to just see people move past putting Dick in that position and just have mutually respective and doting brothers Dick and Tim having adventures together......nah, first I want some reciprocation. Ngl. Gimme the apologies for actual mistakes actually made.

3) DickKyle. Easy question, c'mon, you gotta know that. LOL. ;)

But yeah, I've been shipping these two off their like, two shared pages from way back in the Obsidian Age story years before Jason even returned, let alone was in Countdown together with Kyle, so like, its no contest. I don't mind JayKyle, I certainly prefer it to JayRoy tbh, but there's not a ton of appeal in it for me, particularly in how its usually depicted, because like....the entire basis of JayKyle is that they DO have stories together and spent a whole year worth of weekly issues traveling the multiverse together in Countdown.....but there's like, practically no trace of their actual dynamics from that series or any specifics of literally any issue from that entire comic in most fics I’ve read, so its like.....idk, it tends to come across as more generic, not in the sense that it cant still be interesting, but more in the sense that it feels like just someone paired with Jason just because history between them EXISTS without any interest in exploring what that history actually IS....and at that point, its like, well there's no reason TO prioritize that ship over DickKyle for me personally, when like, I have a shit ton of headcanon reasons for why those two in a pairing specifically. *Shrugs* My logic. Its not for everyone, but it works for me.

4) Jason with a sword or Damian with a sword? I don't understand the question. Both. Both is good. All the characters should have swords. Swords are awesome.

5) Chris Kent vs Jon Kent - oof. I adore Jon, I really do. I love his dynamic with Damian, I love a lot of their specific stories, the parallels between them as friends and Bruce and Clark as friends....its all very bien. But I gotta give this one to Chris, because I'm always gonna have a soft spot for him because I'm a sucker for all abused kid heroes, and I just miss that funky little dude so much. There's so many stories we didn't get with him and were just ripe for the picking, but nooooo, DC's like lol you can't have nice things, here we just rebooted the entire multiverse and now Clark and Lois never adopted the son of Clark's worst Kryptonian rival and raised him with tender love and care awww does that make you sad, were you invested in him, WELL TOO BAD, HE'S GONE NOW AND BASICALLY NEVER EXISTED, NOW GIVE US YOUR MONEY ANYWAY MWAHAHAHAHAH.

Yeah. I'm still not over that. Probably will never be tbh, so I with great grudge-bearing do affirm that I'm gonna go with Chris on this one and like, he is a Priority for me and I'm still very keen on the idea of him and Duke being besties for random reasons that might not make sense to anyone but me, but eh, whatever.

[oneminute3]

it’s literally 4am but i have to get this off my chest. i really don’t get all the hate the loki series is getting. i mean, let me rephrase, i don’t get the hate the loki variant is getting. i do share the common feeling about loki kind of being eclipsed by sylvie from ep. 3 on, and it does feel like from there on he just follows her around like her little pet dog, but there’s so much more depth to him in the show. did you really not notice it? like for example in episode 1 or 2, i don’t remember, when mobius confronts him and asks him if he enjoys hurting people. loki is just so honest to himself and he gives mobius such an overly specific answer, it almost feels like his therapist is saying it. he knows himself, he knows himself better than anyone, and that’s the biggest thing we kind of discover in the show. i feel like that was huge for him cause i always asked myself how loki saw himself and now we know, and knowing he hurts people cause he feels like that’s his duty really puts a lot more depth to his character. also, i saw people on twitter were mad he was playing a “good” character and they didn’t understand why he was fighting to bring down the tva since it’s not like loki to get involved in stuff that has little to none to do with him, especially after playing the villain in the avengers. okay so first off, he was being mind controlled in the avengers so stop calling him a villain, he is a victim. we need to take into consideration that the show was supposed to be 12 episodes long, so of course we’re left with a lot of questions and complaints. loki is fighting with mobius and then with sylvie for two main reasons in my opinion. the first is that he cares about them, so, as he did for thor in the dark world, he is helping, cause he IS good at the end of the day. also, he didn’t have much else to do given that he is a variant and he was trapped in the tva. the second is just a theory so feel free to hate it but i really feel like after being manipulated for god knows how long by thanos, and having killed as many people as he did, he was not feeling good. he doesn’t enjoy hurting people. how would you feel if you killed someone while sleep walking? it’s an awful metaphor but you’d feel pretty shitty i suppose. he just wanted to be on a safe side. not necessarily good, but definitely safe. and both mobius and sylvie made him feel safe cause THEY. were. the. ones. in. charge. he found not one but two people he cared about and it’s kind of natural that he lowered his guard. i don’t see anything wrong in it. we just saw a different, more fragile, probably tired side of loki. like seriously did you not see the scene where he cries watching his future?? did you know see how much he cares about his family and his people?? i don’t think his purpose is to be good, i don’t think he cares much about free will, or he who remains, but he does care about sylvie, who’s been on the run for centuries probably, and he cares about mobius, who is trapped as a tva employee. and he also cares about himself, cause at first he just wanted a way out, then he wanted the throne (classic loki), and then he just wanted a friend and a possible lover (i don’t ship them but yk). yes loki did just follow sylvie around once he met her, and it was not pleasant to watch, but it’s totally supposed to. they’re just showing us how wrong it is for sylvie and loki to be connected in any way. her energy completely annihilates his, taking away HIS free will. idk you guys, i just don’t get the hate. i liked the show regardless of the production mistakes or whatever. i did miss loki’s classic tricks and mischiefs, but i’m trying to trust marvel cause i liked the acting, i liked the characters, i liked the plot, and i think it’s leading somewhere interesting, and even though i hated seeing loki so left out, i think-or hope-it was their purpose to do so. this is literally so long i’m sorry i have insomnia.

[tbonechessor]

5, 8 and 15. (Infinity main here, cant remember who knows and who doesnt)

5. if anything, what would you change about your childhood?

Honest to god? I would become obsessed with some kind of hobby and put more dumb shit on the internet. I would have drawn more and put it on deviantart. I would have made more shitty flash/pivot animations and sprite battles. I would have just made as much as possible and learned from it. I wouldn't let doubt hold me back or get distracted. just. MAKE.

8 is at the bottom

15. do you prefer to be numb or overly emotional? why?

I can't help but feel like this is a "grass is always greener" kind of thing. Most people who are debilitatingly emotional wish they were numb and those who are completely numb want that wave of emotion at any cost.

I'm pretty numb. Alot of my emotions and empathy are a concious, piloted, deliberate set of choices I make so I can opertate in the world and give my life texture and I like to think i'm pretty good at those choices from years of specifically honing that craft. I'm a good public speaker with a strong retail personality.

And I'm torn

Because on the one hand: Part of me has a very ugly disdain for the overly emotional and raw pathos. I can't process it, I can't help it and I struggle to approach it. Some part of me thinks its rude? I think? Again, very ugly thought process. Which is probably a result of some unspecific childhood conditioning that I can't quite pinpoint yet.

And I value my emotional privacy. I kinda like my stupid little bubble that keeps those big emotions away.

But on the other hand:

I CRAVE Emotional realization and authenticity. I want something like rage or agony or joy to roll through me with an unfettered torrential force.

BUT I am deathly terrified of how that looks like or that it would be embarrasing and off-putting. But its also clear that I kind of need it.

8. what is something that gets to you that you wish wouldn’t?

TW: GORE, Animal Death, Animal gore, blood. Under the cut

When I was 12 as part of 4-H, we had to watch a cow-autopsy where we basically observed a herd animal, usually a cow, get split open mouth-to-anus by a vet. Usually in order to better understand their anatomy and how to raise them. The first one I ever watched was one where the cow in question had died from mad cow disease which is a brain thing. So in addition to it being split open they had to crack open its skull so we could see the growth that had caused the animal to die. I can't get the sound out of my head when they got the skull open. Or the litres of blood that came out of the head on the snow. I was always the only one who really didn't like it. Every other kid was really into it and I always kind of felt like a coward.

And it sucks because if I ever have a nightmare its almost ALWAYS animal death related, or cow-related so that is really annoying.

idk, its a thing that still GETS me and its annoying.

[saintwilllem]

SINCE I AM A 2 DAYS AND SOME CHANGE LATE, IDK HOW MUCH TRACTION THIS POST IS GONNA GET BUT HERE WE GO.

If we unravel episode seven by context of biblical tropes this is god casting out eve and adam. I have spoken about how ADAM is lucifer attempting to present himself as adam and therefore the prime existence of man or in this context skater. So what becomes the actual adam for me is a toss up between skating and relationships in the context of who is being spoken about because if we speak about reki his temptation is his relationships in so that he sacrifices himself completely for them, as langa does skating . the idea of the apple changes in face of the observer.   the concept of this is interesting cause the deeper we go the more reki plays the construct of god.  he makes the boards , he makes langa but he also turns away from someone who does not see that they are standing in awe of the devil who will break them,   god is merciful but god also gives fee will  and that is why he decides that he does not want to be that thing that keeps langa down,

Now pulling away from that the main turning point is the possible state of mind within our two main characters. Reki is going through a depressive period and langa will surely spiral the other way and go through a manic period in which he is gonna do all sorts of dangerous things to settle the new hole that's been left in him as his father's passing did. both were filling a void and they did it beautifully but inside of it there were unsolved things that festered into other things.  

 reki is under no circumstances jealous .  kick that whole idea out of your head,  he is someone terrified. ADAM injured him badly , he lost a friend, and all the comments about his worth from everyone only compounded the fact that he wasn’t good enough for everyone , that langa would fly away and leave him behind as he was worthless, and  he was just something to step on to and leave . to learn from and push beyond but to consider other options more interesting.   he keeps on trying to make the jump to touch the star not because he wants to show off but because he wants to be at least a centimeter closer to where langa is . but when questioned he keeps lying , he thinks it shameful to feel upset,  because what if langa sees him as someone who is only  jealous , what if he keeps failing people from his friend to miya and even to langa as he couldn’t defeat ADAM and got langa thrusts into this whole mess .   he isn’t just afraid that ADAM will hurt langa but also that he will become more important than reki himself.  and so the promise was something that said i will always be here for you ,  i will protect you and i will be for you . if you think about reki always does things for others.  he wants to stand up for miya for example , his character is heroic in that way as langa’s is more an individualist that doesn’t always want to give his attention to others because there is something missing .  and so he is going to keep sinking until he can start telling the truth , because langa was there for him he was just to much trying to please everyone else and to be something that other’s would talk about with pride so he could stand with langa and not against him.

now the manic episode i stated for langa is the idea that he’s missing his other half , read it romantic or platonic reki made him come out of himself. made him feel this new place was home and brought him to find something to both express his past and hold on to his now. it was reki who took the place of his dad in being someone who made things just feel right.  i am not ignoring his mother , but there was only so much she could offer him in regards to his loss of excitement because what he had with his father was so different then what he had with her.  reki is the thing that holds his happiest memories and so lashing out and loss of him is going to be like a blade cut him half and so he’s going to be overly careless with himself and do things that will really put him on the foot of danger as he wants to both lose himself in something because his safety net has just cut him loose.  

the main problem is that neither of them know the other’s trauma / hold backs .  if reki instead of lying stated that he doesn’t want to lose someone again , that he was suffering , that he doesn’t want to be left all alone again , and catch the stars with langa  things would have been better,  if langa said that he was trying to get back what he had with his father , that what reki had been teaching him was a great thing for him, that he needed reki’s suppourt and maybe even discussed the pros of him joining the tournament less being a slight against reki  or thrill ride but more so a way to settle an old wound then maybe things would be different.  

but one is feeling shame and guilt, and the other is so desperate to be able to feel a rush and to see something of his father in someone else who is ADAM in regards to skill his father probably had to he isn’t thinking that everything needs to be held by something or else it will become ruins. 

there is also the dynamic between ADAM and tadashi , and ADAM, cherry and joe.  where one didn’t stand up for him, and two he cast away. we are all thinking that tadashi is reki’s friend he lost and it is highly possible . but the reason i mention this again from a previous post is to wrap in the idea that all the flamboyancy and attachment  to langa he has is a drive to be the prime / ideal in something that was once taken from him.  langa is to him his  EVE which i am considering more so someone who can make him fall.  if we go back to the biblical analogy then eve has been considered the reason for the fall, and so in this context of the show ADAM is wanting to get to langa before langa can get to him.  he wants see everything , because for him its something he hasn’t seen and it makes him go mad ( not angry mad by in mania. ) langa is someone who has been training in snowboarding for so long and maybe it has been the same for ADAM has his father stated that he thinks he has found the perfect skater for himself.  he calls it a date because of how it makes him feel , giddy and delighted and so he wants them to be one. 

i am most excited to learn more about cherry and joe though cause there is some pain ,  as joe said he wanted to sock it ADAM but i am still theorizing what it could be. 

[mellowasinyellow]

100daysofwriting - Day 1

So I thought for the first day I might just briefly outline all of the WIPs I have actually made a start on and that might help me to decide where I want to focus some energy. I have some for Katniss/Peeta in THG fandom and some for Natasha/Clint in the MCU.

Everlark

folklore series - so I started this series of fics inspired by songs from Taylor Swift's album folklore because honestly those songs just immediately bring to mind so many scenarios that made me think of Katniss and Peeta. I made a start on chapters based on peace, my tears ricochet, invisible string, this is me trying, and mad woman. I also have a bit of an outline for continuing the story that was started in 'the 1'.

I've had this one WIP ongoing since about 2015(?) which is a bit of a monster that has grown beyond me but basically it involves Katniss and Gale being raised in the Capitol in relative poverty after their fathers are conscripted into the peacekeepers because of traitorous activity. Mrs Everdeen is still from 12 but was moved to the Captiol to be married (this part is sketchy) and she still had a little childhood romance with Mr Mellark. Peeta gets reaped and Mrs Everdeen reacts to this as he looks like his father. Katniss gets a crush on him as she watches him prepare for the games. She hates herself for it but finds herself checking up on how he is doing even during non-mandatory viewing.

Arranged Marriage - I feel like this is such a cliche for thg fandom, but I just imagined my own way that the pairings happen but I'm so bad at writing slow burn so this will probably never materialise, but if you want a semi-decent thought out pairing/arranged marriage system I would be happy to lend you mine.

Miscarriage fic - I will never post this, but it's in my WIP folder. It's full of nasty feelings that feel a little better when they are written about.

Modern AU Pandemic Quarantine! - ofc, this is essential. Katniss and Peeta end up as the only people not to move home from their dorm for the quarantine. Slow burn that I can't fucking write should ensue.

Canon Pandemic Quarantine AU - pandemic a few years after the end of the war forces Katniss to admit she wants Peeta as more than a friend with whom she hunts, bakes, rebuilds the district. Cue sexy pandemic times and a resentful Haymitch that keeps accidentally breaking the rules.

Divorced but co-parenting Everlark - obviously finding their way back together

Another classic of their children being reaped and dying - I don't know why I write things this depressing. They just tend to come out in one big rush and then I never address them again.

Real weird teen pregnancy modern day AU - don't know where it's going or why...

Modern day AU dead Prim - Peeta and Katniss just met each other through mutual friends and are kind of flirting. Peeta is a bit infatuated. Katniss stops going to mutual friend parties and he finds out it's because her sister died. Instead of staying away he gets tangled up in her grief and does all sorts of practical things while Katniss wallows. Also it's E rated but not that much fun... can't entirely explain where this one came from either...

Single Parent AU where Finnick and Annie play match maker. Probably my fave Everlark in the works but it's another one that has grown so big for the 20 minutes I can dedicate to it each week.

Clintasha

Red Room Take Down - Nat and Clint are retired and living a quiet family life with their child. SHIELD appears asking for Nat's help in taking down the red room and dealing with the fall out, specifically what to do with the girls that they get out. Nat is torn but chooses to go. Chaos ensues with the 'rescued' girls. I need to actually develop some OCs a little if I ever want this to be good but tbh the pending Black Widow movie is kind of holding me back on this one too because I hope we find out more about the red room.

So I have a weird habit of writing from Lila Barton's POV. I can't explain it. I have AoU and like to pretend it never happened but anyway I have a WIP about Lila detailing the collapse of her parents' marriage after Clint retires and he and Laura actually have to spend time together without Natasha. She then goes on to describe the custody settlement and her utter joy that Auntie Nat sleepovers with them at her dad's place. She feels utterly betrayed when she finds out they are getting engaged.

Fluffy AU - Clint and Natasha in an established relationship with a son born between infinity war and endgame. Natasha still sacrifices on Vormir, but Steve gets her back no bother and it's so nice and happy and fluffy and Clint and Natasha are together and they have a son who has both parents back and Steve gets to make all this happen and he is so happy too and they have a barbecue and go swimming in a lake and clint/natasha have private time, and their kid wants to be captain america, and did I mention how HAPPY everyone is?

Another fic similar to the above just about everyone being so HAPPY. Endgame reverses the snap and instead of weird farm family coming back Clint and Natasha get their daughter back and it's just a cute moment about her reappearance and their race back to the spot she disintegrated from. (Steve/Bucky go to Vormir and Steve is sacrificed, but that fucker CHOSE to leave).

This is another one that has just grown bigger than my brain. it's based off the idea that Natasha helped with coordinating fosterings during the blip time. Clint loses his mind when he loses his family and crashes in BedStuy but finds a neighbour girl (Kate Bishop) who is fending for herself in post-apocalyptic Brooklyn. He helps her out and tries to get children's services involved but it has collapsed. Finds out Natasha is the one getting everything in order. He gets in touch. She's at the end of her tether and asks why he can't keep looking after her. In the end he does and she ends up getting involved and all three get overly attached to each other. I haven't got as far as the events of endgame and idk what's going to happen. It might be tragic.

Pregnant Natasha but nobody knows what is wrong with her because they don't even suspect her being pregnant is possible. Just a real vivid description of the early unpleasant pregnancy symptoms.

Another absolute monster - Sort of canon compliant to begin with aside from before the farm family disappear. Clint and Laura are in the middle of separating and tensions are running quite high at the farm. Snap happens. Nat and Clint accidentally run into each other while both a bit low during the blip and get drunk and share home truths. Begin working together from HQ and both get a little less sad. He convinces her she doesn't have to be responsible for the world's fate every moment of every day. Clint has a break down at Morgan's 1st birthday and realises that things will have to change. Nat has this realisation later. They begin sleeping together. Accidental pregnancy. More feelings come out between them. They enter a more conventional relationship and have baby. Baby is really hard work (colic) and they struggle with comparisons and feelings of inadequacy. Pepper helps them to identify the colic and improves everything greatly. Happy times with baby while also running the avengers. Opportunity to reverse snap. Some good scenes between Nat and Tony. A big conversation between Nat and Clint about what it will mean. Steve and Nat end up going to Vormir together. Nat is obviously about to commit suicide. Steve over powers her and gives her a pep talk about the situation she is running away from and how to deal with it. He self-sacrifices. Clint goes back to farm fam and Natasha goes back to BedStuy with baby. Clint has to tell Laura and then the kids about the last 5 years and their new siblings. Nate is super into it. Cooper is a bit aloof and cynical. Lila is confused. Laura is quietly seething. Clint helps put the farm back together about 5 years of neglect and the kids meet baby. Family gets happier. Laura and Nat eventually meet again and it's civil/friendly.

My own version of what happened in Budapest.

The Call - inspired by a post here on tumblr. Nat calls Clint as she bleeds out. Just needs a beta reader and then I would consider publishing.

AoU reimagined but with Clintasha - I'm not sure where this one is going it's like a massive spider web right now with lots of ideas shooting off, but basically it is inspired by this post and just involves a lot of hoodwinking the other avengers.

Accidental Baby Acquisition - Natasha becomes Yelena's child's legal guardian after Yelena gets taken out. Natasha and Yelena are estranged at this point and Natasha things the whole thing is a trap and brings Clint along. He is surprisingly good with the baby so she ropes him in to teach her. The three of them end up bonding.

5 times there's only 1 bed + 1 time they choose to sleep in the same bed.

non-superhero AU Clint and Nat both think they have adopted a stay cat but actually the cat has owners and just likes strokes and eats a lot so has many 'families'. They get into an argument over which of them the cat belongs to only to find out the cat has owners and they are moving away. They decide to adopt a cat between them as both are not hope that much and the shelter refused them as single people. Slow burn ensues, which I am shit at writing.