#but im very glad to have made it it's awesome exercise

[rapidhighway]

Hi, take a look at the model I made based on this art by @metalsonicplush (also my home screen, so you can understand that I am insane about it) also the artist is a top tier metal sonic poster so I highly recommend 1000/10

[antirepurp]

Hi so I'm trying to get into bender modeling, got any tips for topology

side note: AAAAAAAAA YOUR BLOG IS SO GOOD THE CHARACTERS ARE SO COOL LOOKING THE ART IS STUPENDOUS THE LINES ARE SO PRONOUNCED THE COLORS ARE SO VARIED AND VIBRANT EVERYTHING IS SO AWESOME YOUR AWESOME I HOPE YOU DRINK WATER AND HAVE A GOOD DAY LETS GOOOOOO

thank you im glad you vibe with the stuff i make!! that's always rad to hear :D

on the topic of topology tho! im not exactly an expert on it bc it's such a nightmare topic in general but i think of it as loops = good. i dug up a modeling exercise i did for school some years back that kind of focused on making a human face with good topology (this is an earlier version bc the later one is an actual nightmare idk what happened to it)

if you go around the mouth and eyes with the loop cut tool it makes some nice loops around the geometry and that's what i aim for when i model, it keeps things consistent and easier to edit in the long run

the whole model is also made up of only quads which is the ideal state of any model pretty much, i don't usually stress too much about one or two stray tris in the mix but they can mess up things like loop cutting and are generally just harder to work with than quads so if you can avoid them it's for the better

that human face was modeled in a particular way though since we started with a single plane and kept extruding it to make geometry, which is a bit slower i'd say but it does give very consistent results. that isn't to say you can't do that by box modeling from the default cube or modeling with booleans or whatever your preferred method is, like the amy i've been working on has fairly consistent geometry across the board and most of the loops work nicely for her despite the fact i mangled her quills and ears out of booleans, it just. took a long time to fix all of that up lol

she also has some tris at the tips of her quills and ears which require a little bit of extra attention if geometry gets added around them but they're not very focal areas of her model so i think it's fine

but yeah loops! try to have some, that's at least the way i generally approach topology. if it extrudes out of the core mesh or makes a hole in it you should have some loops around it :D

[myfriendthedictionary]

hiii u dont have to answer this at all and i don't even know if you still remember me but i just wanted to say that when you liked my latest tumblr post about this is how you lose the time war, i genuinely perked up because OMG YOU'RE HEREEE WATT TUMBLR MUTUAL IS STILL ON TUMBLR and that made me very happy :> I know you don't post that much anymore tho but i'm happy nonetheless that you're still here and I hope everything is going well for you! Happy new year to you!!!

HIIIIIIIII !! (i’m so used to discord that i feel emotionless without added emotes so please imagine me excitedly waving here) OFC I REMEMBER YOUUU haha im going to be so honest that i do not know what this is how war is in the slightest. but i saw your post and was like !!!! FRIENDMUTUALL! and liked it immediately. but it sounds awesome and i hope you have a blast reading it. THIS ASK WAS SO SWEET YOU MADE MY DAY (which if you think about it is also making my year haha being only two days in) !

IM HERE ! i do check in to tumblr every so often altho nothing like i used to :sob: but i miss everyone in the WATT fandom tons and its so lovely when i see you guys pop up on the dash at times! <3 i definitely feel like the sense of community the watt crew has was like unmatched in how sweet everyone was and im glad to see everyone still here and posting through the years !

i need to get back into tumblr more … the upsight of discords horrible new mobile layout is im back on all my old haunts, site-wise. im usually around to update like either my art blog (which i need to redo so direly) or other fandom projects but ive been slacking on actually keeping up with this one. NO MORE! i feel like “go back to tumblr” is a vaguely horrible new year’s resolution when it comes to it (its okay tho im also 1 for 1 so far on exercising more so i can balance it out haha), but its made so much better to know there’s still so many great people around! i hope everything is going super well for you too!!! and HAPPY NEW YEAR YIPPEE!!! 2023 was not my .. best year… ! but that means there’s only one way to go from here!! up!

[wild-battlebond]

Digimon Xros Wars: Hunters Ep25 liveblog

The last episode!!!! Tagiru and Gumdramon's final silly moment!!!!!

NOOOOO RYOUMA'S PARTNER WAS THE EVIL ONE........ even right up to the end, there's digimon feeding off the hearts of humans & betraying the mutual strength and protection they've given each other by partnering up

oh so the true quartzmon is all about body horror huh. and it is actually kinda freaky, too... well-executed.

so since quartzmon absorbed the data of the Digimon that Ryouma fought via hollowing out Astamon and hiding in there... so Ryouma probably was the hunter who mistreated MetallifeKuwagamon, but it was only kinda his fault because he was being manipulated

and Ryouma wanted to be like Taiki and be strong so much that he didn't even notice he was being manipulated...

the animation right now reminds me of the style of late-series og xros wars, which is a very very bad omen. two xros wars finales sullied by the same shitty key animator

i was right tho, not only has Tagiru taken on the mantle of the hunter who will take down Quartzmon, but he has also taken Taiki's place as the 6th hero

the brave snatcher is unexpectedly heavy, just like the burden of the role of a "hero"

oh yeah and Taiki gave Tagiru his goggles and that's also significant. i just forgot since Tagiru normally wears goggles anyways

well the animation is normal now so maybe it's fine

also just noticed that Quartzmon has a clock motif. and, of course, the majority of modern watches and clocks use a piece of vibrating quartz to keep time...

'i have the data of your teammates. your rival. and this old man you don't really care about.'

Quartzmon absorbing the data of others but still retaining their consciousnesses + the way Tagiru and Arresterdramon are being digested, brings back to mind the ill xrosses that the antagonists would do in og Xros Wars where'd they'd absorb data like this

quartzmon's roots look like the ps2 home menu

it's that forme change again! again it feels like the context surrounding it was cut for time, but it's clear that it's activated by the bonds between him and Tagiru!

AND tagiru chikara is being played as an insert song... awesome

AND HE'S XROSSING ARRESTERDRAMON SUPERIOR WITH THE REMAINS OF THE BRAVE SNATCHER!!

and similar to those past enemy xrosses, the data of his friends is able to still exercise their own will and help defeat Quartzmon from within

& the way the song cuts out as they enter the eerie calmness of where its roots are, the eye of the storm... it's good editing

and they won and the world is fine hooray

it turned into an egg...

and they're in the void

aw man all the digimon are leaving & it doesn't even have the bittersweet "we'll keep improving our respective worlds" feeling as the og xros wars finale, this is just regular sad...

NOOO I DON'T WANT THESE TWO TO HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE......

peace has returned and we can finally play basketball again NO TAGIRU LOOKS SAD

YES REUNION

the. the old watchmaker, was the reincarnation of... Bagramon???? i was kinda wondering how they were justifying xros loaders being handed out willy-nilly since it was established bagramon made them, but i wasn't expecting this.... i was just accepting the discrepancy at face value...

IT WAS A FAKE OUT???

NOT A FAKE OUT???

so some stray Digimon got stuck in the real world

well that's good im glad they can stay together in our hearts and the non-existent post-story

right, so, the closing thoughts… well, i’ll probably elaborate on this more in separate posts, but… i liked this show lot! it may not have nearly as much Plot as most Digimon series do, and it mostly sucks at being a sequel to Xros Wars, but I’m always a fan of the “Digimon are causing trouble in the real world” type of concept and Hunters was no exception! the silly-but-high stakes generally works pretty well, they had fun generic cartoon plots like Restaurant Wars and Diving for Treasure, and I think that Tagiru and Gumdramon’s high energy did actually hold things together! i don’t think the series would have been able to pull off that same kind of “fun” feeling if Taiki had still been the protagonist, for example. i’m not sure if it’s what one might call a ‘good’ show, but I really enjoyed it and had fun watching it, and that’s what matters most!

this is the last liveblog I’ll be doing in this format (i’ve grown to prefer watching episodes in full & then talking about them afterwards), so thanks very much for reading this far!

[urstinkyplsleeve]

One week post op! Ignore my hair i havent been able to style it or take care of it very well cuz youknow chest hurt. Feels crazy to me honestly. I'll be honest. I don't feel like a huge rush of relief from the surgery yet, not sure I'll get crying from joy moment, but i had worked really hard to love parts of my body and i think, although i didnt like my chest, i was still on friendly terms with it. Like, I'm in no way sad, scared, regretful of my surgery but for me this wasnt just a disphoric thing it was also a practicality thing. Binding sucks, and although i didnt look in the mirror with my shirt off and hate it, i did feel disphoric seeing my chest under clothing so i did bind. And exercise, working, enjoying hot weather, swimming, those were all things i just couldnt comfortably do without health complications that made doing those things feel like chores.

I dunno, i just wanted a place to put this cuz like, i always see videos of trans mascs getting top surgery and being so happy they cry and thats awesome but thats not where im at? I feel happy, but ive worked hard to just try and be happy normally i guess? So i honestly just feel normal i guess and thats okay. Still cranky about politics and economics, but overall happy about who i am in this moment.

Thanks for letting me rant, i havent gotten out much. I love yall, especially those that interact with me. Ive been on here a long time, glad i have this space as a time capsule of parts of my life.

😘😘😘

[thatpinkbetch]

Hi! Im new to mha and got into it mostly from tiktok. And before i knew anything abt the series they made it seem like bkdk/ shipping was very controversial? And then i started watching the series and immediately saw why the bkdk ship is so popular. From what i saw on there, some mha ships are v creepy, (adult/minor) tho its definitely the minority bc i got on here to browse tags and accounts & its all nice! Tiktok makes it seem like shipping bkdk/ mha ships are weird. I love ur blog btw!

Hi! Oh my goodness I'm so glad you joined and you seem to be having a good time!! I'm also really glad that you were able to see right through those early biases!! You've got a good head on your shoulders 😊😊😊

Yeah, there are plenty of people that seem stuck on Bakugou's line from the first episode/chapter, but it takes ignoring quite a bit of canon and some misinterpretation to still think of him as just a bully by the time you've caught up. A lot of people who hate Bakugou and Midoriya's relationship seem to like to simplify it, along with...everything, really. For bkdk shippers, the complexity is really one of our favorite parts! I found it so fun to experience the journey of going from hating Bakugou and not wanting them near each other, to loving Bakugou, and then wanting them to be friends, and then seeing them as soulmates - platonic or romantic! Watching Bakugou change, coming upon multiple realizations over time as I watched Midoriya and figured out how they truly felt about each other...their relationship is so well written!! I really think Horikoshi is a genius, because i went on my own journey watching theirs ☺☺☺

I've been into bnha for 2 years now and I've had a bkdk side blog for a year and a half, and I do think shipping bkdk used to be much more controversial, and we used to receive quite a bit of backlash, but with the past 90 or so manga chapters many manga readers have been forced to see what these two mean to each other. I genuinely can't wait for season five to happen because then the anime watchers will get to experience it too!! (Season 5 will definitely be game changing I promise 😁😁😁). I've said it before and I'll say it again, but bakudeku shippers are in it for the long run!!! It's all about the slow burn! But that's what makes it so beautiful, is the time and effort put into it, from both Horikoshi and the boys themselves.

Abxkfnskxjoaod I'm sorry this ended up becoming a small love letter to Bakudeku sndkgjekfjsk 💖💖💖

There are...definitely spaces in this fandom I try to avoid, though that can definitely be said about any fandom! But yes, I have blocked a couple people over adult/minor ships, but you're right, it does seem to be a minority! I did make a post a while ago but to anybody still reading, let this be a reminder that i don't support adult/minor ships or shipping or anyone who supports that. No discourse, just block me.

But yeah tumblr is all about who you choose to follow, and if you find the right people, the experience can be incredible!!! I've met some amazing people in this fandom, and I've found bkdks to be some of the most supportive and loving people! Like I said, bkdks are in it for the long run. They love depth and complexity and growth!! I'm so happy you've been able to prove Tiktok wrong! 😁😁 it's always important to be wary of people who criticize "obsessive" fandoms and people who enjoy queer ships/content as simply fetishizing, because they're often ridiculing neurodivergent people for their hyperfixations and actual queer people who just want to see themselves in the media they consume 😞

Tumblr gets a lot of flack from other social media sites but those sites have their own problems that they seem to ignore and instead call us weirdos 🤔 there are problems here, but i feel the insinuation that a lot of the shipping is adult/minor is an easy jab to delegitimize us, because the show is about students going to school! So it's very easy to believe that a lot of the shipping might be like that, when in actuality, the biggest ships are of the same age! I said I've blocked some people over adult/minor ships, but really it's only been maybe 3 people max? I just think it's so awesome that you were able to take those preconceived notions, check them out for yourself, and dismiss them as invalid! It's a very important trait to have, and not many people online exercise that ability!!

Abxivnskfnekcks oh gosh this went on so long!!! You inspired me 💖💖💖 thank you so much for sending this ask!!! It made me so happy to read 😭😭😭 again I'm really glad you've been having a good time and that you like my blog 🥺🥺 I hope you like to stick around and interact, because you sound really cool and smart!!! Have a lovely day/night/life!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖

[dangan-happy]

(I want Mikan to have wheelies to escape her feelies.) to anyone; so about, kinda near the end of 2020? i finally left a toxic friend. i am SO happy we don't talk anymore, i've been mentally a lot better, but im starting to get nightmares of them? it's scary. they were one of the most toxic people i had ever met and it's like living through that all again, then waking up and realizing it was a nightmare. i've tried distracting myself but the dreams just get worse. could i have a hug and comfort?

I’m proud of you Anon, dropping a friend is already a difficult task to do. But dropping a friend that was toxic and dealing with the potential that they could have blown up at you, that’s really scary. But you did it anyway and I’m glad, you don’t need a toxic person in your life. Much less a toxic friend. 

Nightmares aren’t fun, it really is disappointing to know you’re getting them and it involves your ex-friend. That’s the worst. When you want to stop thinking about them but your mind won’t let you move on. The important thing to remember is that’s what they are, just dreams. I know it’s easier to say than to believe but dreams can be controlled by your mind if you try hard enough.

....I think.

Maybe you could watch a show you enjoy or better yet, play a video game that you love, that way your mind can interpret what you do and it’ll be the last thing you see before sleeping. I’m not sure if it’ll work for you, but it does for me, and sometimes the last thing I watch really influences my dreams. Even if I don’t remember some of the stuff that went on in my head...

Oh yeah, you can have a hug too. I hope these nightmares stop soon Anon, you did a great job cutting someone bad out of your life, you deserve to have a clear head and not have to fight the repercussions of how terrible they were.

- - - - - - - - -

Oi I’m super proud of ya’, anon! Cuttin’ out toxic people like that outta your life takes a lotta strength. It’s awesome you were able to go through with it!

Nightmares, ey? That’s no good.. I can guess this toxic person is the cause of these bad dreams… Also stress, cutting out a person like them can stress ya’ out a lot. I get that..

But hey! It’s good you’ve gotten better mentally, that’s always a great start. As hard as it is, I suggest trying not to think about that person often, it might be hard at first but the more you try, the better it will be! Mediation, drinking tea and exercise can help clear your mind and reduce your stress level too. Just so y’know, eating a lot right before bed can also cause nightmares ‘cause it makes ya’ brain be so frickin’ pumped and active!

Trust me ..It’s... happened to me before.. many times… So avoiding that is also a tip for ya’, haha!

I promise ya’ they’ll stop eventually, it’s gonna be alright anon. Don’t let those dreams drag ya’ down. And don’t think I forgot, frickin’ bet you can get a hug! C’mere, I’ll hug the frickin’ nightmares outta ya’!

---

Excellent job, you two! As expected from some of my students, they’ve swooped in and practically saved the day. That’s well worth a few gold star stickers and some candy. Don’t steal the whole bowl this time, Akane! I’ve got my two, beady eyes on you! Oh, don’t worry, anon; you can have some stickers and candy, too, if you want.

Akane and Chiaki did such fantastic jobs; I almost don’t have anything to say that they haven’t already said themselves! They gave you comfort, hugs, and even everything that they could tell you in terms of advice; you got all three for the low, low price of zero dollars and zero coins. So I’ll simply give you some comforting words, if that’s okay with you. First off, I’m super duper proud of you for cutting off such a toxic friend; that takes a lot of strength, willpower, and even hope! And to hear that you’ve been doing a lot better mentally is also super swell to hear. But ahhh, hearing that you’ve been experiencing nightmares recently that involve them is so scary; it makes me shiver at just the thought of it. Thankfully, just like Chiaki said, they’re just nightmares and nothing more. They’re just scary fictional bullies; that’s what I usually call them, heh. But hey, I have hope that these nightmares will soon end, and you won’t have to deal with them anymore. I believe in you, and I believe that you can get through this small rough patch. I would definitely recommend trying out the few suggestions that Akane and Chiaki made, but along with maybe watching a show or playing a video game or such, try reading your favorite book! Sometimes, I read a cute picture book before going to sleep, and it influences my dreams and keeps the nightmares at bay. My absolute favorite book is The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Ah, it’s okay if that’s not your favorite though; read whatever your heart and mind desires, tee-hee.

I hope some of that gave you further reassurance, my anonymous student. And with that, let me give you a super duper soft, squishy hug! Maybe I can help Akane squeeze some of the nightmares out of you. Waahhh, but I don’t wanna accidentally hurt you. That wouldn’t be good at all, so I think I’ll just give you a nice, soft hug, along with some stickers and candy. I hope you have a day as lovely as yourself!

[pbandjesse]

Today was a much better day. I feel a lot nicer. I dont feel so sad. Its good. I am also real tired and ready for a week where I dont have a ton to do and a bunch of time off. To recover. Excellent. 

After feeling so sad last night, I just kind of cried it out. And that helped me fall asleep. 

I woke up a couple times but it was still good sleep. I gave myself that extra 10 minutes and it really helped. I got up and felt good. I got dressed and James packed me a snack and a breakfast and off I went. 

I got to the museum and it was a slow morning. I helped set out chairs and did the tour walk to make sure everything was okay. I found the ink roller was taken apart and the lights were off in garment. But I sorted those things out and headed back to the breakroom. 

My school ended up being really really late, but they were a nice group! But because of them being late I felt very rushed. But they were real good kids and I had a nice time with them. And because they were nice I even took them back to the car for a minute to sit and it was a big silly fun pile of kids. 

I hung out for a while to help out with sitting the kids for lunch but soon I was able to leave for the school. 

I stopped at dollar general again for candy prizes and a birthday gift for one of our students. I also really needed to get duct tape and they didnt have it. So I headed up towards the school and went to a rite aid to grab some and lucky us it was buy one get one. Awesome. 

I got lunch at burger king. I enjoyed my podcast. It was a nice little break between jobs. 

But I got to the school and had a ton to carry. But I got inside. Got some help from my kids to bring stuff in but the door to the closet was lock and so I had to go find some help. 

But the art classroom was open and I was able to go back there and Marcus was in there with the new art sub! She's so nice! So me and Marcus half helped her and started setting up. Also just working on paperwork and other small tasks that needed to get done. I also had a nice chat with the principal. And Im trying hard to make that gap smaller and make it not so heavy. It was a good talk. 

The day with the kids was a bit though. The beginning was good. But then at recess while I was teaching some of the kids some skateboarding stuff there was a big stupid fight over on the playground. And I had to deal with so much screaming from like 10 differnt kids trying to tell me their side. And Im just like. STOP!

So when we went inside we spent like 20 minutes talking about being a community. About not solving issues with your fists. And we ended up having a really frank talk about being black in america. It was really interesting to have three little black kids continuously tell me that Im not a white person. Because to them a "white person" is a bad person, a mean person. And they kept saying "but youre not like that!" and that it hurt them when their classmates made fun of me. And that was super cute, but I had to be frank with them that there is white privilege and power structures but like I am white. And I made an effort and there will be people like that. There are good people. But not everyone is going to be good. And they had a lot of questions and I tried my best to answer them. But yeah. That was a really interesting chat with my girls. 

I brought my balance board with me to class and I had the kids working on their balance and it was a lot of fun. They really liked doing that. I may bring it again but Im going to have to get some more air for it. Its fun to be able to show them new ways to move and exercise. 

We finished up the day with some vocab and hugs and then it was time for our staff meeting. Ciaro's son was there again and he was so sweet. We found out were going to have the day off on tuesday for voting. And thats real nice. And we finished up our meeting with plenty of time for me to get to my silks class. 

And it was a good class. But we didnt do many fun photoable things. But I was able to do an inversion that made everyone go "Wow!!" and that felt good. I had a lot of fun and it was good skill building. But I forsure dont feel as beat up as I have before. Thats all good. And I might be making some friends so thats really nice. I am really glad I started doing this again.

I left there and got tacos. Enjoyed my little wind down time. And headed home. 

James and Brandon where here eating muffins. I hung out and talked to them about my day. But then Brandon left and I went to take a shower. 

Im just chilling now. I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. I am so excited to have tomorrow off. I hope you all have a great night and a wonderful day tomorrow. Goodnight everyone!

[i-am-not-anon]

Under the eye of an institution

part 5

Summary: Logan and Patton (both 16), the older students, are expected to look after two groups of freshmen in Watersouth boarding school for boys. Both of them despise the tradition of bullying that is subjected to the newcomers by older students. The two respectively get a student in their groups who is a little different from the ordinary crowd: Roman and Virgil (both 15).

Author’s note: Here we go again! Logan takes action to help Roman, while Patton is still trying to form any sort of connection between him and Virgil. Message me for getting into the taglist, please.

Triggers: Bullying, abuse, violence, violent punishments, panic attacks, self-deprecation, name-calling, i n s t i t u t i o n

Other parts here

...

Logan shook his head as Roman stood at the doorway of his room. ”I refuse to order you to lick anything. I assumed soccer is one of those outdoor games where shouting is allowed, even encouraged?” Logan put his pen down, turning on his chair to face the younger student.

Roman fidgeted with his hands behind his back.

”I guess I’m too loud for anyone’s standards, sir.”

”That sounds pretty self-deprecating, Roman.”

”Maybe it is,” the younger boy released his hands to gesture with them. ”I don’t understand what for I even am here in this school. I’m going to get kicked out soon anyway, sir,” he complained.

”That simply depends on how determined you are to learn to obey the rules,” Logan answered.

”Sir, you don’t understand,” Roman argued. ”I’ve tried so hard this whole time. Well, at least after I spoke up at the first assembly.” the boy sighed. ”I’m just more stupid than everyone else. I should just go home.”

Logan thought for a second. ”So you suppose you are different from other students here?”

Roman rolled his eyes. ”That’s literally what I said.”

Logan frowned. ”Watch your tone. Now, have you been diagnosed with any learning difficulties or such?”

”No, sir. Mom doesn’t trust the healthcare system, so actually I wouldn’t know if I have been diagnosed with something at some point.”

Logan rubbed his chin. ”Okay. I think it should be useful to carry out some psychological tests for you. I will be taking my time to research about those, and you will be coming back here tomorrow, at six past noon.”

”What kind of tests?” Roman’s eyebrows shot up.

Logan waited until Roman would realize what he had forgotten.

”Oh, sorry, what kind of tests, sir?”

”I will not carry out any tests that would humiliate or hurt you,” Logan answered. ”You are free to go. Maybe there is another game outside you could get invited to join? Aside from that, don’t forget to come by at six past midday tomorrow.”

”Yes sir,” Roman grinned and sprinted back to the hallway. Logan watched him go before turning back to his homework.

….

The next day Logan spent researching terms associated with learning difficulties and the ’symptoms’ Roman had been showing while attending the school. He chose a handful of internet questionnaires, all of which warned that they weren’t official and an individual should be diagnosed by their doctor before taking the matter too seriously. Logan decided, that as he wasn’t trying to diagnose Roman, only to help him to survive in the school environment those should be enough.

At 6 pm, Logan waited in his room for Roman. He believed the boy must remember his appointment, as he had reminded him every time the rascal had been sent to Logan for disrupting the class. However, time passed by and Logan frowned at the clock as it ticked 6.10, as it was the machine’s fault Roman didn’t show up on time. The older student sighed, turning to look through the window. There, on the yard, absorbed in some kind of role-play situation was the boy he was waiting for. Logan stood up, taking his coat from the hanger and headed downstairs.

…

”Roman Pears!”

Roman looked up from a crusade he had joined in. He huffed quietly, leaving his stick representing a sword on the ground, quickly waving at the other boys as he jogged to Logan.

”Yeah?”.. ”um, yeah, sir?”

”Where were you supposed to be fifteen minutes ago?” Logan looked at his watch for confirmation.

Roman looked rather puzzled for a second before he remembered the promise he had made yesterday.

”Oh, gosh, I’m sorry, sir.” he rubbed his hands together.

Logan didn’t answer, simply opening the door for his student. ”Let’s go.”

…

”I said the thing,” a boy stopped in front of the leader of Virgil’s new gang, Matthew. ”I called him ass. He got really mad,” he added, offering a weak grin.

Matthew smiled. ”I’m proud of you. What you got?”

”Kneeling,” the boy answered, rubbing his knees.

”I think it was worth it, don’t you?” Matthew suggested. ”Mr. Brass hates that name. We got power over him now. You got power.”

The other boy nodded seriously, lighting up to a smile. ”yeah.”

Matthew grinned, patting the boy’s back. ”That’s what I thought. Now go on with your free time.”

As the other boy jogged away, he was careful to not bend his legs too much. Virgil stared at him, deciding he was not going to ask what ’kneeling’ meant after all. Matthew turned over to the quiet boy.

”Look, Virgil. We are going to make it big. Mr. Brass will feel in his bones what it means to insult you.”

Virgil nodded quietly.

…..

Contrary to his assumptions of being able to go on with his homework, Logan had to keep eye on Roman the whole time he was filling the questionnaires. The younger boy kept going back to staring at nothing, his pen tapping on the table as he was lost in thought. Once Logan even had to order him to sit back down.

”But I want to see the whole field,” the boy complained, and Logan had to turn his table around so Roman could focus on the questions instead of the soccer game outside. Finally, after one and a half hours, Roman was done. He slapped the pen on the table, standing up in a hurry.

”I’m done, sir! Can I go now?”

Logan stood up. ”Not yet. Let me see if you finished everything.” He took the papers, looking at them individually and checking every question. He put three pages back on the table. ”Look at those again. You missed some exercises,” he ordered.

Roman flopped down on the chair, scanning over the pages. ”But I don’t know what this means!”

Logan looked at the paper, and explained what ’tactless’ meant, as well as suggested Roman to fill in the other missing parts despite the student’s complain about ’too much text’ on the question. Finally Logan let him go, and he sprinted out of the room despite Logan shouting after him about running being prohibited inside.

Logan rubbed his temples. Analyzing Roman’s answers would have to wait for another day, he still had his homework to deal with.

….

Patton walked around the schoolyard, taking his students to a talking-to one by one. He really wanted to work together with his students and get to know them. Some of his group members already considered him a safe person to tell about their worries, and Patton felt a sense of pride and happiness about that.

”Virgil! Come talk with me for a moment, please,” Patton shouted. He had observed the shy boy had gotten a group of students to hang with, and he was very glad about that.

Virgil walked to Patton, his heart pounding. Had his tutor heard about the way Matthew had decided to bully Mr. Brass? And how he had basically accepted it? Or something else, had he been doing bad at classes? The cheers and apologetic glances from his gang members didn’t help his stress at all. Virgil was shaking lightly as he stood before Patton.

”Y-y-y-yes, ssss-ir,” he answered, looking at the ground.

”Hey, kiddo, I’m not going to hurt you,” Patton reassured. ”You have done nothing wrong.” his tone was calm and accepting. ”Let’s sit down, shall we?”

Virgil followed Patton to one of the benches and they sat down.

”I’m going from student to student to simply have a little chat about how you are feeling and how has the school year started for you,” Patton began. ”I see you have gotten a few friends, which sounds really great.”

Virgil tried to stop shaking but he couldn’t help it. Had Patton asked him something? Was he supposed to answer? ”Y-y-yes, sir,” he tried.

Patton smiled softly. ”That’s good. How are you doing otherwise?”

Virgil wasn’t going to tell how often he had been laughed at for his stuttering, or how he felt his heart was going to rip out of his chest every time a teacher asked him something. ”We-well, sir.”

”Very good. Have you have been laughed at of bullied by anybody?” Patton’s tone was as soft as before, but he had leaned slightly forward to see Virgil’s facial expressions better.

”N-n-no sir,” Virgil answered, just a little too hastily. Great. Awesome. You ruined everything again, Virgil. He knows about all the bullying now, and he will confront them, and you’ll get bullied even worse. You will have to move schools again.

Patton rubbed his hands together. ”I’m assigned as your tutor to help you. You can choose to tell me what you want, but remember I only want the best for you.” Patton wanted to hug the poor boy, but thought twice about it since the kid seemed like he would jump from the tiniest noise, so a hug would make him fly at least to the moon or further than that.

”That was all. I hope you can settle in and find the daily routine comforting after you’ve gotten used to it, Virgil. I’m rooting for you,” Patton gave Virgil a thumbs-up before standing back up. ”I assume you would like to join your friends now.”

”Thank you, sir,” Virgil breathed and stood up. He walked back to the group, trying to breathe normally again.

...

Taglist: @daring-elm @creativity-killed-thekitten @heck-im-lost @uwillbeefoundtonight @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @just-another-rainbowblog @buddypallady @aromanticandaromatic @marshmallow-the-panda

[words-are-my-existence]

Tea and Coffee

Introduction Part IV: Crepuscular

Warning: Course language and mature references within

~

The evening came around quite soon, Eliza lost in conversation with Levi who spoke about her and Lucy’s latest adventures in Japan. The two girls were old friends and had a taste for exploration, having an endless desire to travel the world. Levi was slightly shorter than Jai while Lucy matched more Eliza’s height, the former having quite dark brown curly hair, and ebony skin whilst the latter was more so fair and sported long wavy hair that changed colours like the seasons. When Jai and Lucy arrived they saw this time around she had it a sweet pastel shade of lilac. They were both a energetic pair and always knew the right advice to give at the given moment, never failing to call you and help out in a time of need even if they were on the other side of the globe,

“Next thing I know Lucy has jumped, I’m falling and our instructor is losing his shit at the fact that we left him behind!” Levi laughed as she talked about a parachuting trip over Nagoya,

“Yeah, though we made it up to him later on in the hot springs,” Lucy added on cheekily with a wink, Jai almost sighing sadly,

“Man that would have been so fun, oh what about that guy who swam with whales with you?”

“He tried drugging our drinks so we handed him to the police, some people seriously,” Levi rolled her eyes,”But the trip overall was great, the next destination we’re planning on is Hawaii on a cruise ship,”

“Woah already? I mean then again you both can’t stay in one place longer than a week,” Eliza commented with a soft giggle, finishing up making a cup of tea for herself. It was closing hours, the sky dark outside and twinkling with just a few stars visible beyond the city lights,

“I’ll finish cleaning up, we’ll have to catch up tomorrow before you set off again,” Jai called out as she headed around to the back, Lucy and Levi stretching as they joined Eliza by the door,

“It was great seeing you both now at least, the store is doing even better than we when we saw it last!” Lucy said clapping her hands, Levi nodding in agreement,

“You need to explain yourself to missy, apparently you have a few secret admirers you didn’t tell us about!”

“Jai has probably told you some nonsense, you know how she is,” Eliza sighed as she lead the girls out and locked the cafe door behind her,”If anything I get a few glances and men wanting to talk to me but nothing serious,”

“Hmm well we’ll get those answers tomorrow, see you guys then!”

“Take care!” Levi and Lucy hugged Eliza goodbye before heading to their hotel, Eliza herself making her way towards to the nearby park.

Before heading home she tended to go here after work every night and enjoy her English Breakfast tea, relaxing with a good book or practicing some sketches at her favourite park bench. It was a great way to cool off after a busy day or even just chill on a quiet one. There was barely a soul around either so it was almost perfect, those nights when it was was when a small black stray cat would come around and say hi. It was an adorable creature who seemed to love the small treats Eliza gave it.

She found her usual spot and sat down, opening her book up and picking up from where she left off in the afternoon. Out of habit she sneakily glanced around to see if the kitty was here tonight, when see couldn’t find it she subtly looked over to the bench across her a little way away where a figure was sitting on it and reading their own book with a tray of half a dozen cups resting beside them. She only had gotten glimpses of him before, a slim man who had pale skin and soft blonde hair that tended to cover his face. He came out most nights and read in the same spot just as Eliza did. The two seemed to have an unspeakable agreement on not interrupting each other, understanding when someone just wants to be left alone to themselves. Eliza often wondered what his eyes were like as she had never been able to see them. As well as if how she perceived him was the same way he thought about her, this strange girl coming out each night to be alone in the peaceful solitude the park gave.

Eliza shrugged the thoughts off her mind and returned to her own book, taking sips from her warm mug as she read.

As the night went on robust laughter and crude shouting broke the silence, Eliza sighing and rubbed her forehead as the noise drew closer. She glanced over her shoulder to see a group of around five men making their way through the park, each stumbling and bumping over each other drunkenly. It wasn’t to often an occurrence when people like them wandered through, Eliza knowing to just ignore them and focus on herself, the drunkards leaving her be.

Though this time as she looked down back at her book and focused on its pages, the men strode straight towards her and cat called as they approached,

“Look at this jewel hiding away in the shadows, you’re quite pretty from afar but boy aren’t you something else up close,” One whistled as he stood in front of Eliza, another slapping his hands down on her shoulders from behind and giving her a fright and causing her to jump up in panic, the man grabbing her strongly and forcing her back down on the seat,

“Hey sweet heart you shouldn’t be out all by yourself in this hour of the night. Let us take you back to your home safe and sound,” He cackled darkly as a third lent over and whispered in her ear, his breath sickly smelling of booze,

“Of course as payment you’ve got to let us gentlemen have some fun with you, otherwise we might just have to get ruff,”

Eliza already packing her stuff away tried again to slid out of the hands of the one who was holding her down, luckily doing so and quickly backing away,

“It’s quite alright thank you for the offer, but I can take care of myself,” She calmly spoke though could feel the sweat starting to build up on her forehead, yelping as she walked into someone behind her. Growing scared now she gritted her teeth, holding her dark mug tight in her hands and peeking behind her expecting the other two strangers to be there.

Instead a very skinny and short man stood there holding a tray of six paper cups of steaming coffee in one hand and in the other a book. He was trembling slightly Eliza noticed, though she was unsure if it was in fear or rage,

“The lady has clearly stated she is content with her own company ‘gentlemen’,” The blonde figured began sharply,”So I would ask that you leave her be and continue your intrusive disturbance somewhere you’re actually tolerated,”

“What mate?” One guy his scratched their head confused, a different drunkard speaking up,

“Hey you skinny pussy bugger off! We do what we fucking want to fucking do!” His voice grew louder in anger and frustration, the one who first approached Eliza slowly walking up to snarl in this newcomers face while his friends enclosed on them,

“I suggest you leave now, with your wallet on the ground, unless you rather to find yourself in a mangled fucked mess?”

“No, actually I prefer this idea instead pissface,” Eliza heard the retort as the man aiding her threw his tray of cups at the now clustered drunkards, boiling hot liquid splashing all over them causing them to erupt in a chorus of painful screams. In the spilt second this man grabbed Eliza’s arm and pulled her along into a dead sprint away from the spectacle, several extremely frustrated and raged shouting following in the distance.

Eliza wasn’t sure how long they had ran for, the adrenaline pushing them on until the sounds of their pursuers faded. As they halted at last the two stood only for a moment before collapsing onto the grass beneath them gasping for air, the threat now gone and the peace returned,

“Well that is my exercise for the year done,” Eliza spoke first as she gathered breath, her saviour heartily laughing in response,

“Yeah same. My mates are going to kill me tonight though when they find out they have nothing to drink but hey, this will make an awesome and hilarious story!”

“Hah yeah exactly! My friends won’t believe me probably but still,” Eliza added with a grin. They had rolled onto their sides to face each when talking, Eliza noticing for the first time the cute gummy smile plastered on him along with a pair of deep molten brown eyes that shone with such a depth Eliza was stunned. They were both stuck in silence for a few minutes staring at it each other, the two of them blushing when they realise and quickly scramble to their feet,

“Ah um thank you so much by the way, I don’t think I would have been able to take them all on. I need to do some more self defence lessons,”

“It’s alright, I’m glad to help. It would have been wrong of me to just do nothing when you were in need um..” He trailed off and nervously started scratching the back of his neck,”I don’t actually know your name even though we’ve seen each other quite a lot over the months, but well haven’t talked,”

“Yeah I’m sorry about that, I kinda assumed we both just wanted to be left to our own devices,” Eliza apologised guiltily,”I guess better late then never though, I’m Eliza,” She said as she held her hand out to him, who in turn shook it with a happy grin,

“Hi Eliza, I’m Yoongi, nice to properly meet you,”

“And you to,” She replied with a warm smile. Now with quietness around them Eliza finally noticed her phone buzzing about in her pocket, taking it out to find she had several missed calls and a number of frantic messages from Jai.

>I’M LOCKED IN

>WHERE ARE YOU???

>DUDE THERES NOTHING I CAN USE TO PICKLOCK WITHOUT BREAKING THE DOOR

>LIZ IM SORRY I PROMISE TO BRING THE STOCK ON TIME AND NOT DRINK ALL OF YOUR JACK DANIELS WITHOUT YOU

>ITS SO COLD WHY DON’T WE HAVE A HEATER

“Oh shit, I locked Jai in the cafe. I’m sorry I need to go now. Thank you so much again and it was great to meet you to!” Eliza grabbed her bag and waved to Yoongi before dashing straight back to the cafe,

“That was fast,” He commented to himself, turning around to retrieve his own items and noticing a small mug left behind,”Wait! Eliza-“ He went to shout and call her attention back but she was already gone from eyesight,

“Aw man...how am I going to get this back to her?” He sighed and grabbed the forgotten cup, pondering on the nights’ events as he made his way back to his own abode.

~

[biarology]

Past’s Future but Today’s Past

Oops, I haven’t written for a while. The last post says “3 years” but I am pretty sure its closer to 4. Imagine all the crap in my head that wasn’t released. That explains a lot.

Before I start my travel blogs here’s a summary of the last 3-4 years:

·       June 2015 – Mental breakdown with the tip of the iceberg being a friendship breakup. Man that hurt, more than romantic relationships. I guess because you don’t expect them to end? I broke my hand. Punched a marble wall in an elevator (crying and alone). I would have been pretty upset if it didn’t break actually, because a marble wall is pretty hard. Embarrassingly, I still couldn’t, and probably can’t punch properly, with the fracture being in the 5th metacarpal. The rest of the iceberg included: over working, over investing emotional energy into work (but how can you not, you’re working with people)(I’m much better an learning not to now), my half-sister was going through a court case against her step father for fucked up shit.

·       July 2015 - went to Bali with my friend for like 2 days lol (with a cast around my arm), because that was booked ages ago. Road tripped down from Darwin to Brisbane with Mum. Long days, long drives, but loved watching the scenery change. Great photos but they’re on Instagram a million scrolls down now. Stayed with my brother and his ex and their dogs and cats for about a month. Mostly in bed.

·       August 2015 – moved back down to Gosford and half lived with my parents there, and sister in Sydney. Got a job. Moved to Sydney in about October although work was contract and started on very low hours (~4). So I lost my $17g in savings towards someone else’s mortgage because independence is important to me.

·       Throughout Sydney time:

-          I got to know sister and sister in law better, they looked after me insanely. And gave me a cat, Dot. Who I love. And miss.  And then my twin moved back and away again but that was the best. Got to work with parents better.  Rekindled friendships, strengthened friendships, and made new ones. There’s too many of them but they know who they are. they are amazing, and again I don’t know what I’d do without them. Visited Grandam more (so hard to leave). I contracted for a total of 5 companies. And learnt boundaries and “my worth.” One company I’m still working for because they’re amazing and the boss has somehow managed to instil all my own values into the culture of his company. I also life modelled a fair bit. Went to Thailand for 5 days and NZ for 5 days plus some other roadtrips around Aus. Brother was pretty scarily low but now he seems good.

-          Saw a psych for a year or 2. Had panic attacks. Exercise is awesome etc.

-          I have(had...still weird to say) a boyfriend. For a year. He was good. I learnt how to be vulnerable and trust romantically, I learnt more about my needs and boundaries (lots of boundary learning over the last few years – professional/personal). He also taught me how to cook better (well the idea of cooking better not sure if I have practised it that much), and he always tried/s to enjoy enjoyable things, which sometimes I’m not very good at because my mind is probably stressed about something else. We lived together for 6 months. He now has my cat. I’m so glad they have each other and I miss them. Everything has felt so surreal since I actually decided I need to leave. I needed to leave because travel has been on my to-do-list, and work visas have age limits and my age is limited, so Im actually pushing it. Plus, I was just not coping there. We had different goals (travel vs settle), and some different values.  I’d had my mind set on leaving after my sister’s wedding and though I tried to push it back, I couldn’t. And maybe that made me more focused on the negative? Anyway, needed to travel and that’s what I’m doing.

I think that’s most of the 3.5 years summarised. Hhhmmm 3.5 years in 519 words :/

Awww I had some points for the future in my long last post. And now it is the future. Cute.   To conclude I’ll just address comments in that post, sentence by sentence:

-          Still have lots of love

-          Don’t really like myself at the moment though tbh

-          I no longer try to beat box, I forgot that I was doing that

-          I stopped listening to podcasts while driving in July 2017 because I realised it was contributing to my stress and fatigue – as I was never resting, always on the go

-          Body composition even worse now, wish I had what it was then lolz

-          Face/acne – improved once I went on the pill, came back when I stopped repeat etc. Didn’t come back once I ceased/decreased gluten/dairy

-          So was single for 54 months, and felt the same most of that time – content alone, occasionally lonely. Single again now, apparently.

-          Anxiety and depression. Always there. Quit the degree though so no more assignments, though that stress enjoyed report writing

-          Oh man did depression and PMS symptoms improve with diet and exercise! So much! I get cramps and nipple tenderness PMS, IF my lifestyle is shit, when its not, I don’t know theyre coming (have to rely no app haha)

-          Past/regret – still don’t regret things, as I look at everything as teachings. Though I regret eating so much chocolate

-          Future! I have not done WA. I am in Asia right now!! But haven’t organised any volunteering yet. Also not sure when/where/what, I currently need a break from helping people ( a bit drained from Sydney work)(I need to fix that Boom/Bust pattern of work and crash…). Don’t know about hiking at the moment I’m pretty unfit. Haven’t learnt guitar. I think I looked into it and didn’t know where to start so gave up.  Gymnastics didn’t improve much but sister got me into more climbing! Drawing improved a little with life drawing groups.  Boy did I fix up those dreads (Jess and I combed them out). Still haven’t done Martial Arts but planning to do a Kung Fu/Meditation retreat in a few weeks in Thailand. I better book that. Tomorrow… Am reading more – its apart of my bed time routine 😊. Oh I still need to learn how to write properly!! Grammar and vocab etc.

[moving-on-moving-forward]

(1/2) lol I didnt even notice it spelt mom until right before I sent them to you. Im really glad to hear that youre doing better! Thats good that you dont have any text triggers I only have a few and even better I think its triggering me less and less! I wish I could say the same for my real life triggers. Do you mind sharing some advice on them? Like if youre okay talking about them whats something that triggers you and how do you deal with it?Thats awesome that youre in therapy Im hoping to

(2/2) start soon.I have a few other questions I wanna ask but Ill only ask one other one and the rest Ill wait till after youve gotten the chance to answer this ask.Whatre some of those big changes and how did you make them happen? I get scared over tiny little changes so I really mean it when I say you and the other positivity blogs I follow inspire me and Imeven thinking of starting my own side blog like all yalls! 😊

Lol I was a little confused tbh but that’s what I get for answering asks two seconds after waking up 💀

I’m really happy for you that you’re not as bothered by your text triggers! I know that can be really difficult to handle. As for real life triggers personally I have a lot of trouble being around alchohol, the smell makes me feel like I’m going to throw up and it makes me dissociate to be around a crowd of drunk people (especially at a meal). Talking to someone who’s drunk (especially if they raise their voice at all, even to laugh) can give me really bad panic attacks. The way I’ve been managing it has been mostly to keep good communication with the people I know, making sure others are aware of it allows them to help you. I know sometimes I’ve been worried that it makes me an inconvenience to my friends but when I started talking about it I found that everyone in my life was very understanding and a few people even related to it which I honestly hadn’t expected. Avoiding the things that trigger you definitely helps, if your trigger is something you can’t avoid easily I’d recommend focusing on treating the “symptoms” if that makes sense. For example start practicing breathing exercises for controlling anxiety, or do a grounding exercise if you start dissociating, etc. but the most important thing is keeping good communication with the people in your life so that they don’t accidentally trigger you and also so that they can look out for you. Don’t ever be afraid to say that something is making you uncomfortable and don’t ever feel ashamed for having a trigger, remember that your thoughts and feelings are always real and important no matter what they are or how insignificant the source of your trigger may seem to others.

The biggest change I’ve made in my life so far has been living my life for myself instead of some ideal future, especially in terms of the “goals” I’ve had pushed on me by other people. I’d been very focused on making the “right” decision for my education/career/future that it was destroying my mental health. I’ve let go of a lot of stress I had over things I didn’t really care about and started focusing more on things I do. I’ve also cut off a few people that were driving me back into having suicidal thoughts. It took a lot of courage and a bit of time to get over it but I pushed through it after a while.

That’s really amazing that you’re thinking of starting your own positivity blog!! I can say from experience running this blog has been one of the most healing and heartwarming things I’ve ever done. I’ve gotten more strength from this than most places and it’s just a genuinely wholesome experience. It’s also just a really great community to be a part of, let me know what the blog is if you do start it!!

[celeryw]

Fandom: Naruto, Naruto Online

Words: 1.2k

Pairings: BD/AF/MB/CF/SB the usual lol 

Summary: Breeze Dancer goes on a lot of missions with and without the squad. He’s never had fanart before. 

ao3 link

it starts out with a simply courier mission some small town wants this small delivery of like industrial material and apparently according to Tsunade he’s the right person for the job don’t mess this up i don’t even know how you would and if you do you better pray to the gods that i dont cut your pay. Breeze doesn’t really understand because B-ranks don’t pay very well and the rent is split five ways so the money he gets is for Pampering his beloveds. 

The town is right in the middle of the Land of Rivers, Takumi village is quaint compared to Konoha and the villagers look... not as nice as konohans but also aren’t as mean looking as people from Iwa. 

There’s a huge shopping district and he can see the money leaving his pocket. (He very carefully avoids there until he sees the village head about the bridge and the well, because we all know he is the best person to ask about building things also isn’t there a story about how wolves eat pigs and have wind elements? no? just him then) 

He does eventually go to the shopping district and there’s a lot of people, he’s in his element really. Breeze goes to almost every store. He also meets a tiny boy who says he’s eight years old and likes drawing and you’re from Konoha? Do you know Sai he’s part of Team Kakashi and uses his drawings for fights! The kid rambles a lot and Breeze just tells him small details he knows about Sai and his fight style and how he has really nice skin and how they have a rivalry.

The kid has stars in his eyes (his name is Taku and he wants to become a strong shinobi) and promises to draw a really epic battle scene you’ll love it Breeze-san i’m a huge fan of you too! You and your partners are S rank in the bingo book and my mom reads that to me before i go to bed, of course i know what it is it’s just the really awesome details about really strong shinobi i want to be in it when i grow up. Breeze grimaces a little but he can understand how the mistake could be made, he does want to talk to this kid’s mother though.

When he returns to Konoha he has full pay for a B-rank and a lot of souvenirs, he even gives Tsunade a print out picture of TonTon the pig (the lone survivor of the brick house he always privately thinks to himself) and she’s delighted and puts it up in her office with a bit of tape, its a little underwhelming but the picture itself is almost microscopic anyways. 

He opens the front door to his home, Scarlet is sat at the dinner table with scrolls set in front of him they cover the whole dang thing (which seats 10, half of which are for the people in the relationship the other half is for team kakashi except naruto, he has to bring a folding chair it’s an in joke) a quick mental count and skim over deems the 20 maybe 30 scrolls are all about the physical wellbeing of an uchiha. Breeze is interested but not going to touch that, he knows that uchiha are sturdy but he does not want to know how they get their hair to shine thank you very much. So he very quickly kisses Scarlet on the forehead and heads to the bedroom. 

Azure is there, doodling. He thinks about that kid who showed him a huge sketch “it’s actually a folio and im sending it to a publisher” book and it was filled with real masterpieces and annotations. Azure notices him and puts her pen down with a hey lovely how was the mission you were gone for two whole weeks do you want to see what me and Scarlet got up to because we destroyed one of the training grounds and had to get Tenzou to rebuild it again look i have pictures. He settles in next to her and grins at the pictures taking his time to survey the damage, it’s a lot and he knows its because the two have been trying to do some sort of combo move that incorporated Fire and Water dragons. 

Midnight walks into the room then and rolls his eyes, he leans down for a kiss from Azure and then a kiss from Breeze. He slumps into the bed and goes right to sleep. They both smile fondly at him and then Azure gets off the bed saying something about wanting to a few muscle loosening exercises and she kisses Breeze softly and murmurs against his lips that she’s glad he’s back and she’s out of the room in a flutter of blue hair. Breeze is sickly in love with all of them. 

He should not be surprised when he is awaken by loud laughter. Crimson, Midnight and Azure are laughing, it’s nice when it’s not in the early hours of dawn. He turns over and goes back to sleep.

He really should’ve checked what they were laughing at before he closed his eyes again, but he did not and he regrets it a little bit. It’s the kid, the kid who had sent by a summoned wedged tail eagle a huge portfolio of just artistically drawn pictures of him. they’re really good and he wants to pay the kid now, so he does he gives him thirty thousand ryou delivered by the eagle of course. His partners giggle at him and tease him about his popularity, although they too send him money and ask for requests. They all get a portrait each and they’ve hung them up in the dining room. 

Tsunade gets wind of this, he’s not sure how but she’s a huge fan of this kid’s work. She’s gotten him to come down to Konoha with the jounin protection of Sai and the kid is a sobbing mess when he gets to meet his heroes, it’s really cute. Taku becomes famous and Genma decides to take this civilian boy and let him live his dream. It’s the best thing Breeze has ever seen and he’s itching to tell Jiraiya so he can write a book and Breeze can read it and be overcome by emotions and drama. 

The pictures get really famous and Taku starts to expand his artistic ability he starts doing backgrounds. They’re really good and Breeze throws more money at him and gets beautiful desert paintings and it’s just like how he remembers it. He gets forest paintings with the sunlight filtering through the leaves and he can almost see the moisture on the leaves slip off and patter on the ground. He loves it, he loves the paintings. 

Taku is eleven, he’s been drawing professionally for two years and it’s really all thanks to his most favourite shinobi the Breeze Dancer who was supportive over the years and let him follow his dreams while keeping up with his hobbies. Taku knows that his hero worship won’t go away, because now he really knows Breeze, he knows how much Breeze doesn’t like when people lick their fingers after they finish a meal, and how Breeze misses Sunagakure a lot but loves Konoha so much he wouldn’t leave, and when Breeze smiles at him and his art his heart squeezes and he can’t help beaming back. 

[stellar-stag]

Wow it’s been a while since I did a personal update here huh

I’ve honestly transitioned a lot of my venting/personal stuff to twitter

(I promise I havent abandoned you for my furry friends)

(I kinda have)

(I totally have)

(sorry)

But I feel like the last couple months have been a whirlwind for me, so I may as well keep y’all in the loop. I’m gonna sort these by topic.

First off, I had some issues with my romantic feelings. There’s a guy, a very very good friend, who is just fantastic in so many ways. Friendly and kind and supportive, progressive and enthusiastic, and shares so many of my interests. Seems natural that I would fall for him, right?

Well I did, and it resulted in a lot of emotional duress.

He has a girlfriend, and I knew this going in, but I didn’t fight my attachment. In the process of admitting my feelings to him and working through everything, I learned a lot about myself and got some practice in controlling my emotional state and how I react to things. But I also relied on him as an emotional crutch and used him for validation, especially during some particularly low emotional points, which is unfair to him. It is only because he is immensely understanding that we remain close friends, and this could have easily resulted in disaster.

But through this process I have grown, and identified a new issue blocking me from being of completely sound mind: Low self-esteem and reliance on others for validation. During my more anxious periods, I would slip into joking self-deprecation, and somewhere along the way it stopped being so joking. But surely, now that I’m taking meds for anxiety it would stop, right? Well, no. Turns out, even if I stopped consciously having thoughts of “Wow, I’m so bad at this”, I didn’t automatically gain appreciation or acceptance of myself. This manifests in a particularly dangerous manner when guys who are attractive are nice to me. 

I end up conflating kindness with romantic intent, and decide that obviously, if someone doesn’t have romantic interest in me, I must be irreparably flawed in some way. This is bullshit, and I consciously understand that, but my subconscious doesn’t play by the rules. So I end up in a self-loathing spiral that only manifests in periods of intense romantic desire, and a month later I’m exhausted, bruised, and have run the risk of alienating those around me who care about me.

So how to fix it? I suppose I’ll need to work on drawing validation from within, so that rejection feels less of a condemnation of my character and everything I am. It won’t be simple, to be sure, but understanding the issue is the key to overcoming it. 

Here’s hoping.

Secondly: I started working out! As of today, March 24th, I have been to the gym 12 times this month (half the days, holy shit) and thats because I, last week, decided to go from 3 workouts a week to 5, solely because I wanted to. If you told me a year ago that I would, of sound mind and body and my own volition, wake up every weekday at 5:45am to go workout for an hour, and enjoy the experience, I would have called you a liar. 

But I am, and I do. I think it’s benefitting my mental health and self confidence, and I’m thankful that I’m in a place where its even an option. This is only possible due to a coalition of so many factors: A free gym in my office and a natural predilection to waking up early to remove barriers, I started taking Vyvanse in January to aid in my attention issues (not sure if I have ADD/ADHD or what, but it’s helping me remained focused in all aspects of my life and for that I am grateful). And, of course, two people who aided in the impetus for beginning and making it a habit: My dad, for giving me crippling self-worth issues my entire life and then visiting in February and criticizing my health and weight (because I was sweating after walking up a hill, which more and more I realize is not actually an indicator of my exertion! I am just a person who sweats easily, and its more a function of temperature and endocrine system than anything else) and giving me the sheer spite to begin working out, and the guy I was crushing on (who is intensely into working out, and I wanted to impress him. Yeah, I was hella thirsty. Sue me). 

Regardless of the reasoning, I found that (once I cut cardio because seriously, fuck cardio), I enjoy working out in the mornings. It’s calming to wake up by exertion and then cool down slowly at my desk before other people even wake up. It’s given rise to a ritual of sorts where I get to my desk, deal with my emails, make breakfast and tea, all before anyone shows up, so that I can really hit the ground running. And more than that, I don’t have a goal in mind. I’m doing this because I know it’s good for me and I want to be healthy, and I enjoy the exertion and following “good” tiredness. If I was trying to lose weight or trim  fat, or stuck only to cardio, I would have given up by now. But its a habit, and I love it, and I’m sleeping better, eating better, and feeling better.

Again, this is only possible because of an alignment of several factors, but I’m thankful for it, and I’m glad I got out of the mindset that “workouts must suck but people do them because they wanna lose weight”. You don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to do, and I wish I had realized that sooner. Im feeling way better about my body, even, because despite the fact that I haven’t lost weight or gotten trimmer from working out, I know I’m eating (pretty) well and working out, and that my body does everything I need it to. I can take pride in the callouses on my hands and the soreness of my body, because they’re proof of dedication, exertion, and effort, and those are way better things to feel good about than shape and size, anyways. If people think I’m unhealthy because I have fat, they can suck it.

Thirdly, I’ve begun looking for a condo to buy! Housing in the bay area is STUPID EXPENSIVE (and yes everyone knows this, and I know this, but it bears repeating). But I can put a down payment on a one bedroom in a good location, and I’m prequalified for a loan, and I just need to keep waiting and pouncing on leads. I think I’ll be happier living by myself with a kitchen to myself, and still going out to social events to prevent becoming a hermit. Plus, with this setup I can maybe bring dudes back and not have to show them the pigsty that is our living room or the shoebox that is my bedroom. I was terrified at the start of this process, but my mom and the realtor have been awesome about taking this step by step and ensuring nothing is confusing or surprising, which is sweet.

Fourthly, possibly because I’ve been taking Vyvanse but also possibly because I’ve finally begun understanding what the hell I’ve been doing, I’ve really hit my groove at work. The project I’m working on is complex but interesting, challenging but well understood, and I don’t feel alone but still get to feel a sense of ownership. It’s not the most fulfilling thing ever (I don’t know that working on payments platforms for a corporation ever will be) but I enjoy work, I don’t loathe going to work, and despite the fact that I was sick as a dog all this week, I came in everyday (after working out) to work full productive days, and I was happy at the end of each of them, more or less. Its not perfect but its head and shoulders above what most people get from their jobs, and I’m immensely fortunate to be in this position.

Fifthly, this is more a continuation of already known things, but I’m making cool friends in the furry fandom. I’ve made good friends, some who I hope I will keep as friends for the rest of my life, and I’ve already made plans to go to Reno in June and Disneyworld in November to hang out and have fun with them. As nerve wracking as being an adult is sometimes, the freedom is something I wouldn’t trade for anything. 

Sixthly, I’ve been taking a creative writing workshop in SF! It finished last weekend and I’m happy to not need to commute each week anymore, but I learned a lot about reading like a writer and choices you can make as a writer to achieve desired effects. The workshop focuses on narrators and how who is telling the story tells it, and the model they use for exercises is SO HELPFUL. We would read an excerpt of something, discuss how the narrator/choices/tense/mood all work together, and then we would write something in a similar format about whatever we wanted. Lemme tell yall, that is so much more helpful to me as a student than just prompts. Having a guide to format is like drawing from references, its helpful and and great for learning and gives you the tools to make your own things later on. I highly recommend it, and I can’t wait to get back to my book. 

Got a lot of art to make first, though. I’ve definitely improved a lot in artistic skill and confidence, and I’m loving finding niche styles that I like and mimicking them. The stained glass pic I posted yesterday is proof of that, I feel. Its drawn from Mucha and various real life stained glass windows and a bit from Kingdom Hearts, but I took these and the tools at my disposal and wove it into something that feels complete. I figured out how to apply a cloudy “glass” texture, glows, stabilization, symmetry tools, pattern design, and more all through the process, and I know theres so much room to iterate and grow, in shading and coloring and proportion. But even knowing I have room to grow, I’m proud of what I put out and I put a lot of my heart into that piece (yes, its a birthday gift for workout boy. Shut up). I think I’m going to accept commissions for pictures in this style, even. It’s great fun.

So yeah, the last couple of months have been intense. I’ve had ups and downs, but I’ve learned and grown a lot, and I think I’m in a really good place in my life right now, and I hope that every one of you achieves a similar level of peace.

[whatspriceofthe]

Jay Robb Grass-Fed Whey Isolate Vanilla Protein Powder, Outrageously Delicious, 24 oz https://ift.tt/2ZA0ORI #WheyProtein #PreWorkOutDrink #BodyBuildingSupplements https://ift.tt/2ZA0ORI - Jay Robb Grass-Fed Whey Isolate Vanilla Protein Powder, Outrageously Delicious, 24 oz I used this like flour to make fried chicken strips and it was AWESOME! If you are on a low carb diet, this is for you!!! I use this every morning for breakfast as my "30 in 30" for the Tim Ferriss eating plan. This was also how I heard about this product, through Tim Ferriss recommendation. I ordered a new bag in March of 2018 and the packaging is different. My last bag was Dec of 2017 and the packaging was the old familiar. I went to the Jay Robb website to be sure it was authentic, and all the packaging has been updated on the website as well. So, for anyone who may be confused like I was... its still the real deal even though the bag looks different. :) I love this product and that it is unflavored so I can add it to anything. It mixes well and Whey Isolate is more easily digested. Mix this with my morning bullet coffee. Score... I have been making shakes with protein powder for 20+ years and this is the best whey protein I have ever tasted. The fact that its made with rBGH free protein, has no sugar ( uses stevia) and is non-GMO make it well worth the price! I had been using protein from two different major gyms in the CHI area and this beats them by far! Its one of my many mini meals every day. That plus my exercise help keep me lean in my early 70s! Im an avid weight lifter (not looking to get massively jacked, just maintaining what Ive got already), and have been using protein powders for years. I decided to stop using those synthetic, full-of-artificial-ingredients types of protein powders years ago and found Jay Robb. Maybe it was his fantastic mop of hair dyed artificially dark, or his perfectly trimmed 1990s era goatee that caught my attention (just take a look at my pic! ), but Im glad I gave it a try.Jay Robb prides his products on coming from milk from grass-fed cows, and using natural ingredients such as stevia as a sweetener instead of aspartame. Ive tried his vanilla and strawberry powders, but I prefer the taste of the vanilla. It thickens my protein shakes (I use banana, avocado, cacao powder, super greens, and Jay Robb vanilla), and doesnt leave an aftertaste. Since his protein is all-natural, its a little pricier, but Im willing to pay more to avoid putting garbage and fillers into my body. Pay upfront and get the big 80oz. bag; its a much better deal. — INTRODUCTION —Why I use protein powder: I am an avid powerlifter and nutrition fanatic who is extremely conscience about “what” she puts into her body. I have a very aggressive fitness routine where I am in the gym at least 4-5 days a week. Primarily, I engage in a lot of HIIT workouts and then on at least 1 or two of those days—I test my strength levels. Having a high quality protein powder available after my “intense” workouts is integral to helping muscles repair quicker.That said, Jay Robb’s Vanilla Whey has earned its place on my TOP 10 list of Best Proteins.— THE PACKAGING —Jay Robb’s Whey Protein comes in a re-sealable Ziploc container. Easy to store and portable enough to carry around (like to the office or the gym). One of my favorites is the recipes listed on the back of the package helping users create many different delicious smoothies.FYI: I store my bag in the refrigerator for extended freshness.— THE QUALITY —This protein powder has a clean look (meaning the powder is not yellowish.My batch was not clumpy (a good sign of freshness).The powder blended extremely well [using a hand-shaker). I would not recommend putting it in an electric blender as it would further breakdown more of the protein structure and you want to maintain as much of the whole protein as possible in order for it to be effective.If you MUST blend—then by all means add whole fruit to the mixture.— THE INGREDIENTS —Jay Robb Whey Protein powder is rBGH free, non-GMO and contains no gluten, no fat, no cholesterol, no sugar, no aspartame, and no lactose. It does have stevia for those of you who do not like the after taste of it or are hypothyroid.I am detracting a star here primarily because the label mentions, “Whenever ingredients are not available we get our material from other suppliers in the world”. It would be great for c... by Shopping Reviews

[thisnerdsadventures]

end of semester 4.2....... oh my god

and just like that, we have hit the end of 4 years together. i remember when i started this blog, i really thought it was gonna die within like three months, but im so glad i kept this up because its very rewarding to look back and see how much i’ve grown and all the things i’ve done as an undergrad. But all good things it seems must come to an end to make way for new beginnings - there will be more emo posts to come, but for now, here is my wrapup of the semester!

computer and network security - you will recall that i took computer systems security the other semester, but this class is much more math-y and focused on crypto and such. Notably, ron rivest teaches this class (he made RSA encryption!) which is a big reason of why i’m taking it and also why a lot of people i know are taking it. so far, the class seems all right, i haven’t had to angst until 3am about it yet (which some of you might be like “oh this is just the second week though” but oho last semester i was already in tears over operating hell by this time) 

So for some odd reason, ron didn’t lecture like half the time? uh lol, but yeah i think i learned one or two things in this class, i definitely feel like i would’ve learned a lot more had we actually been on campus and had I gone to lecture and such, but i guess this is kinda what happens during a pandemic. quality content though, very interesting

intelligent multi-modal UI - i was tied between taking this class and taking another UI class, but since I ended up with a conflict with the other, I’m now taking this one. This class gives me major interactive music systems vibes because its a lot of implementing interactive systems (oh this makes sense now) with I’m assuming an AI component???? anyways, the professor seems super cool, he went off today about how Apple originally was not a fan of styluses, but now they’re all in with the new iPad Pros and such. should be a chill-ish class hopefully

um so i guess the class was ok??? again, i know i mentioned this in another post, but i didnt feel very excited by any of my technicals this semester, which explains the lack of interest in this reflection. But yeah i made a thing, u can check out the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m3m3e3M9jM

Basically it’s a system that lets you drum in the air and change chords and rhythm and such. Again, probably would’ve tried a little harder and learned more if i were on campus, but those are the circumstances. also this class cemented the fact that i dont like machine learning, ok moving on

negotiation -  ANYWAYS our first class was yesterday, and it was fun and a little nerve-wracking because of the hype, but definitely very different from any class I’ve taken here. but its refreshing to have a class led that with that kind of enthusiasm where everyone in the class is also really excited to be there. I think it’s easy to get caught up with a lot of classes here because people don’t really want to be in class a lot of times, but this class was definitely a different story. super excited to be able to learn a lot this semester

I’m definitely writing a longer post on this coming soon, but wow. This class taught me so much. I also was really intrinsically motivated to learn as much as i could in this class, and it was refreshing to be in a class that i was that excited about and surrounded by people who were also that excited to be there. Not gonna lie, it was pretty demanding, I definitely hit the 12 hours a week for a 12-unit class every week, if not more, and I dont think i have ever read or written as much for a HASS class, even my CI-M’s, and I don’t think I’ve quite been challenged in a similar way that this class did for a long time. What really gets me is that every part of that class felt so deliberate, yet so relevant, that nothing seemed unnecessary or like busy work. At the end of the day, this class wasn’t even just about negotiation it was also about being a better person and striving to reach that, and it really has inspired me to do more and reach higher, and I am very grateful that I got to take this class, even though the thought to do so only occurred to me like five months ago, and five months ago, i really was just searching for an easy HASS class. But I’m glad I didn’t settle, because I really feel that my perspective on life has shifted bc of this class, which is honestly kind of ridiculous if you think about it.

6.UAR was about the same - didn’t go to class after pandemic, but you know circumstances. my TA was awesome lol she really was helpful////

Other fun/notable things that happened this semester:

I got published! back in February

MITMUNC happened again! I chaired for the Facebook Board of Directors

not that many other good things happened this semester so i’ll just skim through my photo album for like fun-ish things

My dorm dropped nearly a thousand dollars at yamatos (first time at yamatos)

had a great night at harvard with a few of my friends during dine out boston

honestly there was just a lot of drama t,bh im ngl lol

obviously, we got kicked off of campus, i had like two panic attacks during this week, cried on the plane home, and am still trying to figure out how to function as a normal human being without calling my friends every six hours!

we had a darty on killian

mccormick had a senior sendoff, which was the cutest thing ever

a bunch of us did a virtual hackathon and now we might have a nonprofit??? idk on this either, stay tuned

i secured my MEng RAship which is very exciting

I successfully got my reimbursement for spring break plane tickets????? LOL

also i ran a campaign for my friend for a student government position and she lost, but i guess it was kind of fun? cant really remember what happened that three weeks because i didnt sleep that much haha! omg

went to the grocery store on thursday

goals for summer

cook more

exercise more

stay sane

actually learn a new language

thats it, im setting the bar real low for summer in quarantine lol