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#but it could be the 3 hours of sleep that ive been working on the whole day thats messing with my brain
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Prompt: "You have a fever."
Pairing: Epel Felmier x Gn!Reader/Prefect/Yuu
Genre: Fluff
TW: NA
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"Come on, (Name). Please? " Epel batted his eyelashes at you.
You sighed, tilting your head slightly as you looked at him. Fighting against the part of you that just wanted to coo at him and give into his demands was hard, but you managed to contain yourself. You remained silent, watching the shorter boy fidget under your intent gaze.
"Epel is smart," Vil had told you, days before he had to leave for some project. "Despite his hesitancy in using his beauty, he will employ it against you should he want something. He knows you well, Prefect. But you mustn't give in."
I mustn't give in, you chanted in your mind as you looked at Epel, who was growing more antsy by the minute.
"You've just recovered from that cold, Epel. I don't think it'd be a good idea to go out and play in the snow when it's not even been that long," you tried to get him to see reason. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Rook was instructed by Vil to keep an eye on you. If this gets back to him..."
"It won't get back to him!" Epel huffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he switched the puppy eyes for a pout. Sevens, was he aiming to persuade you, or to kill you?
"Vil's not here, and Rook's going to the mountains today–"
"Why?"
"– I don't really know, but that's besides the point. (Name), I'm bored. I've been stuck in my room for almost a week, I'm fine now! Besides, isn't it Vil who says going outside is good for your health?"
"He says that to have you join him when he's jogging," you hummed in amusement. "Also, who says I'll not snitch on you to Vil?"
Epel took a step closer to you, gently reaching out to hold your hand in his. A light tug, followed by a soft "Please...?" had you blushing and looking away. Epel tilted forward to catch the expression on your face while you tried to cover it with your free hand.
You mentally apologized to Vil for failing to resist Epel's charms. For someone who disliked being called cute or any synonyms of it, he sure knew how to wield his cuteness. And you were but a weak, weak human.
"Fine. Fifteen minutes," you said, trying to ignore the way Epel's face lit up with smug happiness. "Only fifteen minutes."
"I'll take that!" He smiled as he placed a quick kiss on your cheek, leaving you dumbfounded. The smile on his face quickly turned into a mischievous grin as he let go of you and turned, running out of his dorm yelling, "Last one out's a rotten egg!"
"Hey, not fair!" You yelled back as you chased him.
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"You have a fever," Vil's voice rang out, a disappointed note to his words as he stared down at the thermometer in his hand. You squirmed in your place on Epel's bed, twiddling your thumbs. A quick glance to your side showed you an equally miserable and sick Epel mirroring your position.
"In our defense," you started, voice slightly croaky as you looked up at the Pomefiore housewarden, "we were out for only 15 minutes."
"And look what that brought upon the two of you," Vil deadpanned, looking very much like an exasperated mother as he made sure both of you were comfortable.
Rook stood silently in the corner of the room, not moving a muscle as he watched the three of you from where he'd been placed on timeout. His crime? Letting you two be unsupervised for an entire day. You felt bad for him, letting him know that with an apologetic smile in his direction, which he returned with one of his own.
"Honestly... I was away for three days, potatoes," he sighed, manicured hands carefully pressing a cold damp towel to your forehead, then doing the same to Epel. Neither one of you commented on his fussing, not wanting to get scolded any more than you already had.
"Now wait here while I go and brew you some medicinal potions."
"Uh, Vil we could just get some from the infirmary-"
"I said, wait here, like good little spudlings," Vil calmly stared at you, lips curling into a triumphant smile when none of you dared to make a sound in protest. "Good. Rook?"
The blonde in the corner turned his attention to his housewarden. "Yes?"
"Keep an eye on them."
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Back to Masterlist...
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databent · 2 months
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[pained wailing emoji]
#.pdf#rd#THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE#i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out#every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️#im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much#my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24#(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so)#and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work#and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only#time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive#i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really#work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all#so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol#ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse#idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would-#-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs.#i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..
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syncrovoid-presents · 9 months
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I am. Not dead. BUT will be gone for a like a day or few because the stuff at work did not! want! to! work!
Which I'd another way of saying that I finally was able to get free after working 34 consecutive hours in a row. The day prior I got 1 hour of sleep and that is all after 5 days of 10 or 11 hour work days.
I am so sleepy. I am taking tomorrow off and probably going to sleep right through it. Anywho cheers everyone!! I am going to go to the shadow realm now @:P
#syncrovoid.txt#delete later#maybe??#the one coworjer that has been helping as best he can is now calling me a cyborg haha! it is funny#but strange because before i was officially hired the supervisor (lead programmer) said i was#i was like a robot and if i had been perfect there'd be no difference#<- this was his notes when i finished my (payless) practicum there that lead to me being hired before graduating#ironically the new guy (hes been around half a year lol) was one of the only other people that graduated from my course#none of us ever met but it is cool!! and he did a lot to help out over this week of nonstop work#<- okay i KNOW someone will say “hey. you know you could have stopped right?”#but consider. i have very bad body awareness so i dont notice much impact from sleep deprivation and also i would feel so guilty @:(#and also consider!! i have either earned a hefty paycheck of the redt of the week off so like. capitalism yay?????#<- i do not support capitalism#ALSO sleep deprivation is SOOO silly because i get hyper! i feel like i get more and more energy and my brain doesnt stop thinking!#i have had a grand total of 3 hours of sleep in the past uhhh 4 days??#it is so silly!! but probably not good for me#but i CAN confirm to you that when websites say it takes 3 days of no sleep to start hallucinating they are exaggerating#it takes at least 5 or a week with only 1 or 2 hours sleep#even then it is so minor.#weirdest sleep deprivation hallucinations ive had was where every second time i blinked the world was overlayed with a different one#it has happened twice and it is literally and without exageration the STRANGEST feeling in the world. in the universe even#it is like you are flickering btween two realms that occupy the same physical space but from two different theoretical spaces#if that makes sense??#the first time it happened it was at a huge school sleep over and every few moments the gym full of sleeping bags and other peeps#would transform into all the chill monsters just living their life. like monsters in terms of not looking human nor like any earthly creatur#but not mentally monsters. it was like a towns square sort of thing? so they were rushing about and coming in and out the doors#second time it happened i was like 14 and in the back of an overstuffed car with a friend and their mom and we were in the middle of nowhere#forest for hours and hours longer still. slept on the side of the road lol. but it was like very so often huge huge giants would step over#the trees. all you could see was the somewhat woody-scaly texture of these massive massive poles or legs or whatever#slowly moving over the forest and walking around. looking up into the sky they just faded away too tall to see
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ethicstownpod · 1 year
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This has a point - bear with me! I turned twenty-two a non-specified number of days ago. I was at work. My colleagues, upon learning this, got me a card and a cake and threw me a party before our DnD game. They put all this together in the span of my right hour shift; I've only worked there six months. My colleagues are some of my favourite people in the whole world.
My flatmate loves tiktok, an app I despise. But every day she saves rat videos, and then shows them to me when I get home from work/class. My other flatmate once hand-drew me wrapping paper of a hideous little cartoon man because he knew it would make me laugh.
My cousin, who’s eight, always asks everyone else if they want to play with his X-box before he does. There’s a girl in my class who always stops people on the way out to tell them she really liked the points they were making in discussions that day. Every discord server I’ve ever been in has a channel for sharing pictures of your pet. I’ve never met a person who doesn’t want to brag about their friends. I love when you make a baby laugh on the bus, so they try to make you laugh in return.
And now the point! The point is that I think people are so good. So unbelievably, fundamentally good. And I want to write people like that. Even when they’re not being actively good, there’s So Much Good inside of them. There are so many wonderful people in my life, I feel I would be doing them a disservice by not portraying just how amazing people can be.
#writing#positivity#ethics town#writeblr#podcast#and for ppl who like reading tags here's a nice story about rhys (january rhys)#the first time we met he asked me what i wanted to do#like as a job#and usually i dont tell ppl or lie bc its embarrassing but i thought 'this is such a nice boy and and ill never see him again#(lolllll) may as well tell him' so i did#and he was like 'wow thats so neat i bet youd be good at that ppl could do with that my friend does that you should talk!'#yknow bc hes adorable#anyway its like 2 1/2 months later were at a mutual friends b-day. weve spoken about like 1 work thing in the interim bc#rhys aint big on discord and i really have no need to be talking to cast most of the time and like we dont really know each well tbh#but he asks me how my thing i want to do for a job is going and for just a second i genuinely think im going to cry#ive never told ANYONE i wanna do this before. so ive never been asked about this before. and more than that this was a maybe three minute#conversation we had amidst a 50 hour w/ 3 hours of sleep weekend during which time many more interesting topics were covered#why and how tf he remembered that will always be lost on me. but i said 'yeah slow but its happening' and he said 'good i hope you do it'#and then i segued wildly before i did cry at someone elses party#anyway ppl are so great#just so so unbelievably great#there isnt really an end to that story the thing i wanna do takes a reeeeally really long time#buuuuut rhys and i are actual friends now (in case you cant tell by the Everything i say about him lol). which is nice
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southislandwren · 2 years
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ive been astoundingly Normal at my internship so far so maybe [redacted] just made me act like that :/ i bet it was that damn mustard gas incident
#actually the mustard gas incident happened during my 6th month at [redacted] so i was insane for a good while before that happened#but ive been SOOO normal working on this farm. ive had like 3 minor incidents that i barely remember. thats how normal ive been#ofc i think working 1 on 1 with someone vs. letting an 18yo loose in a factory produces very different results#this is a nature vs nurture issue i think lmao. hopes inability to function vs being inside 12+ hours a day or touching grass 24/7#i do have a hunch that ill become Abnormal soon bc my aunt revealed some info that has got me Thinking#(apparently my boss is not all the way straight. this info revealed during pride month. girl we have got to go to a pride parade together)#diary post#also have you guys figured out yet that if you block 'diary post' you dont have to see posts like this from me#i am so fukcing sleepy i was going to stay up and play ultra sun but im tired :( cheese day today so ive been up since 5#but i found up my boss gets up at 3:30 fucking am EVERY DAY#girl the milky way is still RISEN at 3;30 in the summer that is SLEEPING HOURS!!!#kinda want to be like. bestie can i come over at 4am and we can look at the milky way together. i can show you the constellations i know.#ofc that would mean i have to wake up at 3:30am but like. milky way my beloved <3#or i could sleep at her house (especially now bc her husband is on a fishing trip and it wouldnt be weird it would be like a sleepover)#and then i wouldnt have to drive 10 minutes at the ass crack of dawn.#not even the ass crack of dawn the sun rises at 5:30 she wakes up fully nestled within the ass of night#i cant. i would rather kill myself than wake up at 3:30 every morning for the rest of my life#anyway im tired and i want a cat so at least one of these farm people im working with should give me one of their barn cats.#you dont need 6 cats but i need just one little creature :(#okay great post guys. hit the showers
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toaster-selfships · 2 months
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Cannot wait to have today over with, getting through work and getting the yummy food I've been dying for
Uuhhh slight rant in tags? Kinda just butthurt complaining. I didn't know I was gonna have a whole rant but I'm just gonna leave it as is
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sleepless-crows · 4 months
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i have so much work to do but im literally not overwhelmed and i know i can do them but im so physically tired that i only barely have the strength to stand and walk a few paces, if this is the universe's way of paying me back because im doing better 🔪🔪🔪
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transgaysex · 5 months
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i was super gonna say something when i opened this app but i lost it. wuh
#wind howls#i am sleepy and im sleeping soon i promise. but there eas something i was gonna say and i forgot#umm.. oh in the end my dash and everything still loads on my phone. no idea why it misbehaved earlier#all good now. hmmm#what else. end of semester is starting to hit and it is Not Very Pleasant if i can be so real with you all#like i enjoy what i do. it definitely is fun and im enjoying my classes for thr very most part#but gweh... im onto the final projects for like. modelling. editing. space/architecture. animation.#and we missed a few classes in photography bc of the strike and other stuffs. and the teacher has covid.#so im not sure what the hells up with that class. were not even onto the final project/exam i dont think.#and the teachers are likely striking again from december 8th to 14th which like. weh#classes end on the 11th so its not the end of the world but we still have quite a few projects due#and strikes mean the school is out of use. so we cant like. use the school computers to do our assignments at all#and some of those assignments i cant do at home bc i dont have the programs for it because adobe doesnt deserve a single penny from me.#all in all were really in it deep and a bit rough. it couldve been easier but i understand the need for the strike#sigh...#big assignment due on friday that i havent started yet. i hope to do it all tomorrow after i finish my classes since i end at like. 3 pm.#and i dont have any after school plans other than going to the bank so ill be able to work on that for a lil bit at the very least.#hopefully i could even finish them. so that i can spend thursday worry free. maybe even relax.#i feel like ive been running all week ! i need a breather and 17 hours straight of sleep !!!#goodnight !
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gaystardykeco · 9 months
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need to sleep but the Dread is consuming me
#i just feel like smth bad is going to happen tonight. but also i feel like this p often on random nights where nothing bad happens so.#it could be bc i had caffeine this morning and its still fucking with my. brain#or more likely its bc im back on the overnight call list for work starting tonight and continuing the rest of the time i have this job#being able to not be on it while i was on vacation was so nice like i could actually sleep#still couldnt sleep through the night but at least when i did wake up it didnt take me an hour to fall back to sleep#generally when i feel this much dread on a night i can get work calls its bc theres going to be a call sometime between 3 and 6am that nigh#hopefully there wont be but ik this dread and anxietys gonna fuck up my sleep regardless so whatever#i dont really want to move to nyc but if i get this job offer i think i just need to bc this job is fucking me up so bad#if it wasnt for this fucking on call thing itd be tolerable but i just can't handle the on call thing#the fear that ill get a call and not know how to solve the problem and have to call my boss or coworker to help is killing me#ik its stupid but i have really bad anxiety around waking ppl up and asking ppl for help and calling ppl so#perfect combination to make me Suffer ig#and i did try talking to my boss about it and told him it was the reason i was unhappy on the team#and he essentially said i just need to be better at my job so we get less calls and that being on call is essential and unavoidable#if i dont get the nyc job i might need to just quit anyway which i know is pathetic but i just cant handle this on top of the other things#like i cant have no friends and a useless therapist and meds that dont work and no sense of self and a million other things#and then on top of that a job that makes it so i cant even sleep which is the one thing ive always been okay at and not had problems with#i know its so silly and i know i need to be grateful this job pays me well and shut up#i just am so miserable and i need to be able to sleep like i need that one thing please#sorry for being ridiculous and insane i know its stupid to be this upset over this#sorry dkdkjd sorry about all this i genuinely cant believe anyone still follows me when i post this bullshit#hopefully its fairly easy to ignore and everyones just not expanding the tags so im just screaming into the void#cant tell if i really want no one to see this or if im putting it all here all the time so i can pretend someone is reading it and cares#idk im just so tired and so sad and so scared all the fucking time and i think i just dont want to always be alone in it idk#and i know my problems arent real or serious or bad but unfortunately im pathetic and spoiled and theyre destroying me anyway
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0anonnymouslyours0 · 3 months
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hi! could u do spencer reid fluff with a reader who overworks herself? maybe hr comes home late and shes asleep at her desk, and even as he wakes her up she tries to keep working? i hope that makes sense! xo
the man is just a sweetheart, i know it! <3
recently, you'd been promoted at your work. meaning the hours were longer, the work more grueling and you were just generally tired all the time. you've been working all evening, as spencer is also having a late night in office due to a case.
mid report, you find yourself slipping into a slumber, and passing out face down on your papers, in your office chair.
you don't wake up, until you feel the tentative touch of spencers hand on your shoulder, slowly waking you up.
"hi sweetheart.." he whispers, thumb stroking over your shoulder, as he watches you groggily sit up.
"shit.. hi spencer, what time is it? i must have fallen asleep-" you look at him, still in his work clothes, and turn back to the papers on your desk, sighing.
"its 2 am, come to bed.." he whispers, placing a hand on your arm to guide you up.
"no- no. i cant, ive got to finish this report its due soon and im not done and-"
spencer shushes you, placing a hand on your cheek and pushing the hair out of your face.
"its way too late darling. i know you want to but lets go to bed. c'mere." he says, beckoning you with his hands.
he pulls you up, hugging you tightly. you relax into his chest, breathing softly. you are over tired, and in need of proper sleep.. and some time with spencer.
you allow him to walk you to the bedroom, and set you in bed. he makes you a cup of tea, turns the lights off, and lays down next to. pulling you into his body, his hands rest gently in your hair, stroking softly.
"shhh, just get some rest sweetheart."
you sigh, peacefully, and allow yourself to lay with spencer, eventually slipping into a much needed slumber.
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froggibus · 1 year
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The Three Times You Share A Bed - Leon S Kennedy
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Pairing: Leon Kennedy x reader
Genre: fluff, some light angst thrown in towards the end?
Word Count: 2.7k
Summary: two times you sleep in leon's bed, and the one time he sleeps in yours
CW: roommate! Leon, kinda friends to lovers?, light angst, abandonment issues, paranoia, fear + insomnia, mentions of zombies, bedsharing, leon has intimacy issues (get therapy challenge)
OMG HAPPY RE4 RELEASE!!! I am SO excited to play once im done work this weekend! Leon looks so damn fine in the gameplay ive seen and i am going FERAL! pls no spoilers for anything new in the game! <3
RE4 remake spoiler free zone!! I have yet to play the remake so there are no spoilers in this!
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The telltale clicking of a key in the door has you on your feet in seconds, abandoning the plush throw blanket on the couch. Before it even opens, you’re standing on the doormat. You feel a little silly, like a golden retriever waiting for its owner, but the shame is washed away when Leon steps through the door.
It’s been three weeks since you’ve last seen your roommate and best friend, and just as long since you last had company. He raises an eyebrow at the sight of you standing in front of him, the dark circles under his eyes becoming more prominent. 
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” He sighs and drops his backpack on the floor, locking the door behind him.
“How was it?”
You fight the urge to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders and inhale his scent, knowing that’s not what friends do. Still, the feeling is there and if he went in for it, you’d reciprocate in a heartbeat.
He opens the fridge and beams at the fully stocked drinks and snacks. He cracks open a can of cider and leans against the counter. “Long,” he admits, “way too long. And my nose is still burning from the smell of rotten flesh.” You crinkle your nose at the thought. Leon’s never been much of a talker and most of his work being classified didn’t help. Whenever something wasn’t top secret, though, you were sure to sit there and listen no matter how horrific the details were.
You settle in on the couch next to the agent, listening to him drone on about a zombie-like creature that had peeling flesh and fifty eyes. You could vividly picture it from his words alone, and the image of the creature sent a shiver up your spine.
Leon talks for hours, spilling every miniscule detail of every horror he encounters. You stay the whole time, nodding along. Leon laughs at the way you scrunch your face in disgust or close your eyes in fear. He hates how cute you are, but he can’t seem to stop telling you stories. After many hours and a few drinks between the two of you, he’s almost run out of stories to tell.
Leon pats your shoulder gently, collecting his cans from where he’d set them on the coffee table. “I need a shower,” he states. “I’ll see you tomorrow, y/n.”
“Go shower. You stink,” you joke and punch him in the ribs.
He feigns injury at your blow, pretending to suck in a breath like you’d really hurt him. He keeps up the facade the whole way to his bedroom, only leaving character when he shuts the door behind him.
It’s only when he’s disappeared that you realize how late it's gotten—and how dark. Even though your shared apartment is on the 19th floor, you can’t help but worry something is going to crawl through your window. You shake the thoughts away and get ready for bed, but every gust of wind and rustling of leaves makes you flinch.
You close your eyes and tug your comforter over your head, hoping that if there is something out there, it won’t know you’re there. You toss and turn for a while longer, staying dead quiet and pushing your fears away.
Finally, you can’t take it anymore. You take a deep breath, throw your comforter off of your shoulders, and sprint to Leon’s room. It’s like your brain is on autopilot—it knows exactly where to go to be safe.
You don’t knock on the door, instead quietly twisting the knob and slipping in through a crack in the door. Leon sits up as soon as your feet touch the wooden floor, eyes snapping towards your silhouette. He’s been a light sleeper ever since Racoon City, waking at the slightest of sounds.
He relaxes at the sight of you but only for a second. He glances at his digital clock, eyes widening at the time. “Y/n? What are you still doing up?”
“I-I couldn’t sleep…I feel like a flesh eating zombie is going to climb through my window and eat me.”
He chuckles. “That would be my fault.” He shuffles over in bed and pulls back the comforter. “You’re more than welcome to stay here for the night.”
You crawl into bed next to him, keeping as much distance between the two of you as possible. You can feel his body heat radiating through the blankets and smell his body wash on his skin. The feeling is new, yet so familiar it eases you instantly.
“Leon?”
He hums in response.
“Is it safer to sleep next to the window or the door? From like, a secret agent standpoint.”
“We’re on the 19th floor so window, but unless it's a hotel room, the door. You would more than likely hear it if they broke down the front door so you’d have more time to get out.”
You think for a second. “Can we switch places?”
“Honestly, y/n,” he laughs dryly, “the safest place to sleep right now is next to me.”
Your face warms at that and you nod, relaxing into his pillows. While you drift off to sleep, Leon watches over you. He knows nothing is going to come for you here, but he did promise to keep you safe, and he’ll keep that promise no matter what.
When you get home, you’re in a foul mood. You practically throw the groceries onto the counter before walking to your room and throwing yourself onto your bed. It’s been a long day. All of the stores were so busy you could hardly get through the aisles, and all of the people you encountered were rude.
Leon comes out of his room a few minutes later. Seeing the groceries abandoned on the counter, his first thought is to check on you. He doesn’t check on you, though. Not yet, anyway. He knows you’ll just be more upset if the frozen items melt and the milk sits out all night, so he sets out on putting them away.
After almost an hour of laying in your bed trying to recuperate after the day you’ve had, you’re snapped out of it by a text.
Leon: Come here, I have a surprise for you
You don’t feel like leaving your bed, but you force yourself out of it anyway. It’s not Leon you’re mad at. Leon is probably the only person in the world you don’t hate right now. You knock on his door softly, holding your arms behind your back.
“Come in!” He shouts.
You open the door, shuffling into his room and closing it behind you. Your jaw drops when you see a tray in the middle of his bed piled high with your favorite snacks, drinks and two wine glasses. Leon pats the spot next to him and you’re happy to oblige, relaxing onto the mattress.
“You didn’t have to do this, you know.”
He shrugs, pouring you a glass of wine. “It already seems like you had a bad day, I just wanted to do something to make it a little better for you.”
“Thank you.” He nods in acknowledgement, turning on his tv and handing you the remote. “You can choose the first movie. Just—maybe no zombies?”
You snort at that. Classic Leon, using his corny jokes to make light of even the worst of situations. You settle on an old favorite movie you love, handing the remote back to the blond and switching it for a wine glass.
Between your favorite movie, the delicious wine and your favorite snacks, your spirits are lifted in no time. One movie turns into two, and two turns into three. Soon enough, you’re dozing off in Leon’s bed.
He moves the tray of snacks and the glasses off of the bed to give you more room to sprawl out. Laying down next to you, he watches you sleep. A part of him wishes he could see this every night—the same sight he fantasizes about on even the hardest of missions.
He flicks off the lamp on his side table and settles in. “Good night, cutie,” he mumbles, knowing you’re far too deep in sleep to hear him.
You wake up in the middle of the night, moonlight streaming through the window and illuminating Leon’s bedroom. You’re still numb from sleep, your senses dulled just enough that it takes you a minute to realize that something is grabbing you. No, not grabbing—holding. 
You blink a few times. Leon is laying next to you, his chest pressed to your back, his arms around your waist. You can feel the slow beating of his heart and the heat coming off of his skin. He’s so close it overwhelms you, yet it’s all you’ve ever wanted.
You think about slipping away but you know what a light sleeper he is, and you don’t think you could handle it if he woke up and saw how close you were. You close your eyes and try to calm the beating in your heart so you can fall back asleep.
When you wake up again, Leon is gone. Your body feels cold where his once was. You sit up—is he showering? He can’t be, the bathroom door is open. You sit up, letting the blankets fall off of you. You swing your legs over the side of his bed, walking out to the kitchen, but he’s not there either.
Did he leave to go get something? 
You check your phone, expecting to see a text saying he ran out to go get more milk or something, but there’s nothing. You sigh, typing up a message and sending it to him.
Y/N: where’d you go?
You practically jump when your phone lets out a noise, but your heart sinks when you see what it is.
Message Not Delivered. Try Again?
You sigh. That can only mean one thing: he’s on another mission. Typical Leon, disappearing in the middle of the night to go god knows where for god knows how long. The frustration bubbles up in your chest and you feel like hitting something, but you don’t. It’s not worth it.
You try to keep your mind off of his sudden disappearance by throwing yourself into chores. You wash his bedding and make his bed, then wash your own. You sweep and mop the floors and vacuum the carpets. You dust the blinds.
It doesn’t help.
Your mind keeps wandering back to the fact that he left without saying goodbye. That he woke up at some ungodly hour, saw you laying in his arms, got up and left without another word. He didn’t even leave a note. He really cares that little. 
You shake your head and even though the pit in your stomach makes you feel like not eating, you make yourself a sandwich regardless. Seeing the untouched groceries in the fridge just adds to the feeling.
Even though you know he’s not going to get it, you pull out your phone and start typing.
Y/N: do you at least know when you’ll be back?
Message Not Delivered. Try Again?
The message makes you roll your eyes. Leon fucking Kennedy.
A week goes by, and then two, and you still hear nothing from your roommate. You send texts here and there, hoping for an answer, but none of them go through. Eventually, you start venting to him through there, too. Expressing how frustrated you are that he didn’t say goodbye, how annoying your feelings are, how sometimes you wish you didn’t know him so you didn’t have to go through this.
It’s a random Sunday night when you’re sitting on the couch, watching trash reality tv and eating snacks. It’s cold in the apartment, but you can’t be bothered to turn on the heat. Only when your arms puff up with goosebumps do you scour the room for a sweater, settling on a random one hanging on the back of a chair.
It’s Leon’s, an old one from the Police Academy. His smell floods your nose when you pull it over your head, and it's so bittersweet you don’t know if you should laugh or cry. You settle back on the couch, but a rustling at the window makes you freeze in your tracks.
It stops for a moment, and you can almost convince yourself you’ve imagined it or it’s a part of the show—until it happens again. You scramble for the remote, pausing it so you can hear better. The noise starts again, and you waste no time in hightailing it to your bedroom and slamming the door behind you.
You flop onto your bed, trying (and failing) to remind yourself that it’s just the wind. That you’re safe here. But it’s hard when it’s late and you’re tired and you’re alone and the only person you feel safe with just abandoned you.
You curl up into a ball, pulling Leon’s sweater over your mouth and inhaling the familiar scent. It’s enough to calm you down, if only for a few moments. If you close your eyes, you can almost trick yourself into thinking he’s there, and for now, that’s good enough.
Leon knows he fucked up when he gets back to the country and turns on his phone. Almost fifty messages from you, each one more sad than the last. He wants to slap himself—why couldn’t he just grow a pair and say goodbye? Why did he have to be so noncommittal?
He reads every message on the cab ride back to the apartment, and his heart breaks for you. He didn’t think about how you would drive yourself crazy over him or how worried you must have been. All he thought about was getting the call for the mission in the middle of the night and not wanting to wake you up.
But he didn’t abandon you. He thought about you every day and god—he wishes he could have talked to you. Hearing your voice and seeing your face was enough to make everything better. With the horrors he’s seen lately, all he wants is to be back in that bed with you for one more night.
He’s quiet coming into the apartment, hoping he doesn’t wake you up or scare you. And even though he knows you’re sleeping, he’s still disappointed you’re not waiting at the door for him.
He tosses his backpack into his room and strips off all of his holsters and velcro.  He’s quiet walking down the hallway to your room and even quieter opening the door. He relaxes at the sight of you curled up in a ball. 
You look so cute and so peaceful and—is that his sweater? The sight brings a smile to his face. He closes the door behind him with a soft click, climbing into the bed next to you.
You wake up when the bed dips down and arms wrap around you. You’re so tired you don’t even care who or what it is.
“If you’re gonna kill me, can you at least let me sleep first?” You mumble.
You fully awake as soon as you hear Leon’s laugh.
“You’re back?” You say, and you hate the way your voice cracks. 
You turn around to face him, tired ocean eyes meeting yours. He nods sleepily, “‘m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. It was stupid of me.”
“It’s okay,” and it really is okay. All the resentment you felt melted away at the sight of him. 
“C’mere,” he mumbles. 
You lay your head on his chest, wrapping your arms around him. You can hear his heart rate slow down at the contact. 
“I just—I just need you tonight.” Those are big words coming from the agent, and they leave you completely stunned. He must have seen or done something horrible while he was away for him to be this vulnerable, even with you.
“You can have me tonight.” You try to keep your voice even, “you can have me whenever you need me,”
He kisses the top of your head. “But I always need you.”
“Then I’m always yours.”
Neither of you speak after that, Leon falling into a light sleep. You stay up a while longer, watching the blond boy rest beneath you. He looks so fragile like this, you can’t imagine him fighting off monsters and handling weapons. You kiss his collarbone through his shirt and let yourself fall asleep with him. 
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Text
The Quiet Ones 5
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No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You live a quiet life, but your peace is fractured by a chaotic man.
Characters: Lloyd Hansen, short!shy!reader
Note: I slept for like ten hours and it was fucking wild.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.
Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖
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You watch the long needle slide out from under your skin. You don’t feel it much. That man, Lloyd, loops the tube around the IV bag stand. You sit in the bed still, disoriented and dull. You can feel the tension buzzing off of him, as if he’s holding himself back. That scares you more than anything he’s done. 
Before you can say or do anything, your stomach growls. The tumble is painful as your insides squeeze violently. He looks at you and takes your hand, tugging you towards the edge as he snickers. 
“Hungry, jellybean?” He teases, “come on. I’ll make you a nice omelet.” He pulls until you shimmy across the bed. You turn your legs out and can’t help but use his strength to stand. He’s patient as he easily hauls you up. “You okay, babykins? I could carry you. Like before.” 
“N-no,” you try to wiggle your hand free but his grip is unbreakable. He squeezes and you quit your resistance. 
“You might be a bit groggy, that’s normal. The smoke, the meds--” 
“Meds?” 
“Well, I slipped a bit extra in the bag,” he shrugs as he glances over at the IV, “just so you could sleep.” 
You look at him, your horror burning from your eyes. He grins proudly and swings your arm, turning to lead you to the door. You take short steps, muscles stiff and achy, shoulders wracked from sleeping on your back. You look down at yourself and shudder; at least you’re still wearing your own clothes. 
“I’ve been doing cooking classes. I can do a florentine that will blow your tits off,” he boasts as he angles you through the door. 
The hall is airy and echoey. The house must be huge. You get that sense easily. You don’t need to go around and count the rooms. He takes you down the long hallway and you stop at the top of a set of stairs. They bend in the middle but more corning, there’s a large space between each. They’re polished to a shine and look slippery as the morning reflects off of them. 
“Just a step at a time,” he goads as you latch onto the railing.  
You put a foot down and grip both him and the railing. Another tide of wooziness comes over you. It could be what he gave you or your days of restriction, but it’s too much. The world is too much. 
“That’s it, baby,” he coos as you take a second step down.  
This is strange. It reminds you of a movie you watched as a kid with a maze and twisting and turning walkways and a taunting villain. You’ve awoken in his trap and you see no escape in sight. 
You slip on the third and let out a squeak as you feel yourself falling. He’s quick to catch you, scooping you up easily even in the narrow space. He lifts you and continues down swiftly, bringing you onto flat ground. You murmur and rub your head as you feel his heartbeat against your arm. 
You feel a tickle in your hair and hear him take a deep breath. Is he smelling you? You repress a shiver at the thought as your eyes struggle to focus on the shapes all around you.  
He carries you into another room, a kitchen, as spacious and sleek as any other part of the strange house. A white marble counter lines two walls and wraps around into full C, marking off the cooking space. On the other side, there’s glass table in an abstract, asymmetric shape with metal frame chairs around it. The whole place is out of one of those design magazines. All impractical at the expense of aesthetic. 
He sits you in one of the chairs, it’s just a rigid as you expect. He stays bent, holding you by the shoulders until your hold yourself up. He drags his hands down your arms as he reluctantly pulls away. You flutter your lashes and rub your eye sockets, trying to block out your reality. 
“My sleepy bean,” he beams and plants a kiss on the top of your head. “So how about it? Eggs florentine? Or are you in the mood for something a bit sweeter? I’ve perfected my crepes.” 
You grumble and drop your hands slowly, crossing your arms as a chill rolls through you. You feel it pricking in your chest and across your skin. You’re not wearing a bra and your tee shirt is thin. You keep your arms locked. 
You listen to him moving around. You don’t know what to do. You’re too weak to do anything. Even if you could get on the other side of the walls, you have no idea where you are. Where help could be. 
You rock as your fear bubbles up. Why is he doing this? Why does he think you want him? Why you? Of all people. You mind your business, you keep your head down, eyes to yourself... you don’t deserve this. 
You glance over at him as he starts to hum. Your lip quivers as you watch his shoulders blades stretch the fabric of his shirt. He’s a bit ridiculous in a full set of satin pajamas, the dark black speckled with a subtle grey leopard print. He’s too much. 
You turn your head straight and let it hang. You resign yourself to helplessness. You have to be logical about this. You can’t spark his suspicion to soon. You have to wait for a window and then... figure that out, you guess. You don’t like uncertainty. You have a routine and you keep to it. That’s what keeps you safe. Or so you thought. 
“...wise men say, only fools rush in...” he sings softly and you wince. The lyrics of the Elvis ballad make your skin crawl. He’s actually deranged. You don’t know him, you're strangers. 
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I know tree nuts are a no go,” he chimes as he whisks, turning to you with a broad smile.  
You blink at him. How does he know that? 
“Don’t think you’ll be needing any but I also got penicillin on the no go list and the latex thing... there’s alternatives,” he chuckles and you furrow your brow. “How’s that ticker doing? You been taking lots of iron?” 
Your body hollows out. How much does he know about you? How? You can guess he’s snooped around your medical records. Obviously, he’s a man with criminalistic leanings. Is this even his house? Has he taken you to a fortress he commandeered by force? Is there some terrified family bound in the basement? Is there a basement? 
He continues to futz around the kitchen as you curl your shoulders down and chew on your lips. Speaking of your heart, it’s beating again, racing, almost painfully. You’re a mouse trapped in the corner by the feline with his bristly whiskers. 
Your eyes wander over to the large windows and you stare out at the curated landscape. The property is beautiful and lush. You imagine a whole team maintains the perfectly trimmed hedges and colourful blooms. The stone mosaic pathway and the leafy archway over a bench. It’s like a dream, more so, a twisted nightmare painted in hues of fantasy. 
A plate clinks down before you and a sweet aroma brings you back inside. You face forward as Lloyd steps back on his heel, watching you with anticipation. You look at him then the plate. He pulls out a chair and plops himself down, planting his elbow as he cups his chin and watches. 
“Let me know what you think,” he insists. 
You take a breath and unlock your arms. Slowly, you drag them apart and take the thick butter knife and long fork. The cutlery feels too big for your small hands. You lean forward as the drizzle of dark syrup across the rolled crepe lures you in. Your stomach roars noisily and he giggles. 
“Aw, you must be starving,” he muses, “please eat, baby, I don’t want you to ever go hungry again.” 
You exhale through a ripple of disgust. You cut into the thin crepe and into the filling. Slice off the end of the roll and scoop it up with the filling. You carefully open your mouth around the fork and take a bite. Your eyes flit up to meet Lloyd’s as his gaze sticks on you. There are flames in his blue irises. 
You pull your mouth off the fork in embarrassment as he hums. He’s a weird, weird man. All of this is weird. Surreal. 
You look down at the butter knife and contemplate the gold cutlery. It’s heavy, it would hurt if you used the handle to give him a conk, but the blade is too dull to do much. It can slice through a crepe but wouldn’t do much on meat and bone. You don’t think you could do it, either. The thought of hurting others is just unnatural. 
“Is it good? Tried my own combination,” he explains happily, “dark chocolate syrup, not too much sugar, some softened cream cheese in the middle with black cherry jam.” 
You swallow and look around for something to wipe your lips. Short of a napkin, you lick your lip and clamp them together. He shifts in his chair, an act that makes you feel uncomfortable. 
“Good,” you croak. 
“Oh, wait,” he stands suddenly, “your coffee. Oopsie.” 
He struts away and your stomach mulches the single bite greedily. As much as you want to be stubborn, you’re so hungry. And it’s delicious. It’s better than your usual flavourless fare. You could gobble it all down in a second but you won’t. You carefully cut out another bite as he returns with a tall mug.  
He puts the cup down by your plate. You gulp down a forkful and set down the cutlery. You consider the mug before you take it, the white porcelain marked with the golden outline of a rose above the letter ‘Mrs.’. He has another in his hands, black but with a bowtie above ‘Mr.’. What the hell? 
“Colombian dark roast. A little less caffeine so your heart won’t mind so much,” he says. 
You nod and take the cup. The thought of coffee is enough to override your agitation. You take a sip and hold back a sigh. It’s good. You hate all of this but it’s all so good. You put the cup back and return your attention to the crepes. You pause and glance up at him. He doesn’t have a plate, just his cup. 
“Oh, jellybean, you’re so sweet,” he smirks, “I gotta keep my protein up. I’ll have some eggs and a shake soon. Right now, you just worry about you.” 
You dip your chin down and focus on eating. Small bites. You don’t want to seem too greedy. You don’t want him to see how much you need this. Does he know everything? Of course, he was watching but did he know the days you spent feeling as if your stomach was eating itself? 
He pushes his hair back, trying to tidy the long strands as he watches you, “we’ll get washed up after breakfast. Then you can get settled in and relax. I’ll take care of everything else, alright? You just need to get all dolled up when the time comes,” he explains as he drags his fingertip around the tabletop, “not that you need to do very much.” 
You just chew. What can you say or do? This man is straight up crazy. Not only are you his prisoner, he’s been stalking you. It doesn’t matter when it started, look where it’s ended. No, this can’t be the end. 
“What’s...” you speak before you can think. You shake your head and smother your question with another bite. 
“What? Go on, sugar lips, ask me anything? You wanna know my favourite colour? My favourite song?” His cheeks tint pink as he plays with a button on his pajamas. 
You clear your throat and put down the fork and knife, “what’s going on... later?” 
He tilts his head curiously. 
“The... dress and... doll up?” You repeat his words flatly. 
“That’s a surprise,” he trills as if it should be obvious. “Don’t wanna spoil it, do we?” 
“I guess,” you sit back and fold your hands in your lap. 
“You don’t gotta think about anything, sweet cheeks. You leave the thinking to me. I’m gonna take care of you,” he avows as his hand stretches across the front of his satin shirt. “You just gotta be you.” 
You feel his gaze bearing down on you. You peek up to find his eyes slipping down and you feel them centre on your tee shirt, your nipples poking against the cotton. You hunch your shoulders and cross your arms again. 
“How’s the coffee, jelly bean? You like it?” He tears his attention from your chest. 
“Good, thank you,” you murmur. 
“Ugh, I love hearing your voice,” he puts his coffee down and reaches between his legs. You blanch as he drags his chair closer as he lifts himself. He puts his hand on your knee, stroking with his thumb, “will you call me ‘honey’?” 
You stare at him. Your cheek draw tight and your lips flatten. You want to shake off his touch and scream but that foggy glaze in his eyes deters you. This man is wild. 
“Okay, er,” you gulp tightly and cough, “honey.” 
He hums into a sigh and his hand slips higher on your leg before trail back down, “oh,” he shakes his shoulders, “that tingles. Do it again.” 
You fight not to let your true emotion blaze through. You hug yourself tighter and bite down before you can muster the word, “honey.” 
“Oh, baby, that’s nice,” he winks and sits back, eyes grazing up and down your body, “you cold? You’re all twisted up like a pretzel.” 
You nod. It's an excuse you’ll gladly take. 
“Why didn’t you say something sooner, jellybean?” He stands suddenly and you notice the way he tugs on the waistband of his pants. You turn your head, blurring your vision so everything around you is vague. 
He rushes off and you wait. You don’t know what else to do. You’re still too weak to make a move. Whatever he gave you is potent. Or maybe, you’re just too scared to do more than shrink and surrender. 
He returns with a fluffy purple robe in his hands. He comes around the back of your chair and you lean forward to let him drape it around you. He curls his hands over your shoulders and bends over you. He presses a kiss to the top of your head. 
“You need more coffee, baby cakes?” He asks as he kneads your shoulders. 
“Still working on it,” you pull away from him and grab the cup, “thank you...” you let the words dangle in the silence, tension piquing, “honey.” 
He sighs and draws away with a tickle up your neck, “mmm, isn’t this wonderful?” 
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moonit3 · 6 days
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I've been completely addicted to reading your yanderes since yesterday, especially Harem and the Twins.
Therefore, I would like to request a part 3 of the Harem, if possible with more yandere fem, I am extremely lacking with yandere female, if it is not a bother, I thank you in advance for your attention and I am happy with your stories
𓆩❤︎ YANDERE! CONCUBINES HAREM
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⟡ cw: yandere! female (of course), gn! reader, mentioned somnphilia (nothing happens i swear), overthinking from concubines, age gap (but like one line only), mentioned blackmail, pure fluff i guess?
⟡ word count: 1.1 k
⟡ notes: a new format? yep, i got a little tired of the same old ive been using since the very first post and its like it changed a lot…also, i am giving up my life to try to get the new mythic mercy skin (even started playing competitive to get more points) and to have aventurine in star rail (i barely have tickets, so i am going to wait to the anniversary rewards…), either way i am working hard to archive my goals and you should too! enjoy today’s writing, my dear readers :)
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earlier today you forget to lock your office’s door to prevent the concubines to enter and spend time with you during work hours, which basically mean they are all over the room in completely silence, observing you working in the documents. it’s wearied to have an quiet audience like this one, but you enjoy hearing the breeze outside your office while working and the ladies definitely know, so they keep to themselves when staying at the room with the only goal to admire you.
you catch most of the ladies moving their gaze away when you stare at them when the files start becoming boring, it’s cute to think about these women who often flirt and shamelessly throw themselves at you acting like this. it reminds you they acted so desperate before as many believed that you would kick them out if any of them showed interest in you, but the ladies now know better.
stretching your arms behind your back, a faint smile slowly made to your lips as you know today’s paperwork is coming to an end. it’s a challenge to stay sit down behind the desk and analyze every new law made by the council as the elections has taken place a few months ago. if you only could ask your personal advisers to finish the work so you could take an hour or two to rest, but that won’t be possible as it is necessary to have your signature at the papers.
a yawn came out of your mouth, calling the ladies’ attention towards their beloved one while you didn’t notice their watchful eyes, you did notice how tired you’ve become in seconds. and almost instantly, your body slowly fall into the desk and right there, you began dreaming about tomorrow’s work.
the little noises of snores made all the concubines step closer to check on your sleeping body.
some of them poked your cheeks to try to wake you up, but immediately failed when you just turned out to prevent them from doing so. others had the idea to bring a plate of your favorite meal so you could smell it and suddenly wake up to thank them, but you payed no mind for it. and the remaining ones just accept that you won’t wake up any time soon, so just they carried you back to your chambers to have a proper bed to sleep on.
seeing how your chest goes up and down with your soft breathing, the concubines couldn’t help themselves to just stay quiet to watch you sleeping form. it’s adorable how their great leader looks so precious in a defenseless position like this! all the things they could do with you right now are possible, but they aren’t animal, no. never in a million years would these lovely women use your body without your consent. so, the ladies just stay inside your chamber to admire you.
“should we get our love’s plushies to let them feel savior in their dream?” the daugther of a merchant asked.
“don’t be ridiculous, anne. do you think [name] would be happier if we show that we learn about their secret stock of plushies? I don’t think so.” the third daughter of a former general answered. “also, they can’t know we stole some of them.”
the others nodded, a little scared that you would discover of all the things they have stolen from you. would you learn how many of your undergarments just vanished? or would you question they found out about your recent discussions with the former emperor? every single of them loved hearing the old man scolding you for not having any heirs to the throne, even daring to ask you if you are sterile or just a coward.
while they got angry at the your father for speaking nuisances about your body, the women couldn’t be happier when hearing the words coming out of lips. ”i will h-have my f-first night soon! just let me choose someone, okay?” and that only made them more eager to stay around you. all the ladies made a pact to keep their newly found secret away from the man who are part of the harem, after all, they are already rivals and none of them need more people to complicate their plans.
that’s why the women of the harem have become more overprotective over you in recently days, not that you’ve noticed any change on their behavior. you are too busy working to make the nation better and to take care of the harem as a whole that you barely notice the immense change on their behavior.
“it’s been hours that [name] has fallen asleep! can we wake them up to spend some time with us? please.” a foreign princess was immediately stopped from touching your forehead, her hands quickly slapped away by a older woman.
and that woman is no other than a renowned actress who retired of her incredible care to become part of the harem, but still gaining enormous revenue from her previous works. “didn’t we said to let our love to rest? oh, wait. we have been talking about it for the past hour or so and you keep insisting on waking them up? you are dumb.” the woman’s words made the princess’ face go completely red as a tomato, then leading to a silent argument between the two of them. with everyone else to witness it.
the discussion continued for ten minutes until both stopped when noticing that you’ve wake up due to their constantly shifting in their voices. of course, both of their face became red of embarrassment while the rest of the concubines could only watch you yawning, probably thinking on what you would to the troublemakers.
“…how long i was sleeping?” even with your best attempts, you can’t keep an eye open to see how many women are inside your chamber.
“a-around seven hours, your majesty.” one of them answered. “are we disturbing your rest? if so, we can leave.”
“oh, don’t worry…” a yawn escape of your lips, interrupting your words. “…you, ladies, aren’t bothering me at all. i was just thinking if you guys would like to rest with me.”
did they hear correctly? are you really asking that or they are just imaging those words to make themselves calmer of this situation. but they knew this is real when you began patting the bed, asking them once again if they would like to sleep with you for the rest of the day and of course, all of them accept it.
it didn’t took much time to you fall asleep again, this time surrounded by many and many ladies over your immense bed who almost fought each other to gain the opportunity to lay next to you. the only reason a conflict didn’t broken out was because you began cuddling a pillow of yours, leading to the concubines crying to themselves while others took photos of this precious moment to use as an important blackmail material in the future or perhaps just to sell at a high price to the male concubines.
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@moonit3 . don’t repost it, don’t modify it, don’t plagiarize, translate it without my permission.
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sleekswosobession · 1 month
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but i didn't did pour the whiskey
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barça femeni x reader
overview: they said getting over addiction wasn't easy, what about when no one knows? what about when relapse happens after a whole year?
A/N: my requests are sitting... but I can't get to them and im really sorry, ive been so busy atm and dont got much modivation for em'
TW: alcohol addiction, self-hatred, relapse, course language, actual detail instead of me brushing over it
!! viewer discretion is advised, i suggest only mature audiences read this !!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In all honesty, you'd seen the signs. You'd known the inevitable was coming. The feelings of urge that you'd felt a year ago when trying to stop. You had stopped though, so you ignored it. Then it became more real. To the blank stares at the crates in the stores, rather than the hatred you harboured before after finally being ‘better’.
To walking and judging if you should buy it or not.
To blinking tears out of your eyes, wondering why you'd think that in the first place.
Because why would you, you were better now. Right? That's what you'd told yourself anyways.
It kept amplifying over the course of a week. Until you couldn't take it, until everything you'd worked so hard for for the past year came crashing down. All those memories of countless nights pacing, crying, yelling over a stupid fucking substance fade away.
Guilt. That's all there is. Guilt.
Guilt for betraying your past self who had cried for hours, who felt like she was going psycho over not having a single drink.
But, you can't find it in yourself to stop drinking it. It's just one beer, how harmful could it be? Said by the words of a true fucking alcoholic.
So, you do the only thing you can think of and cry. Cry until your face is numb, your throat burning with every breath, cry until your lungs can't take in any oxygen anymore.
Cry until you feel like you've felt something.
Then when you did stop crying what did you do? The only option you thought you had. Drink more.
- - - - -
You knew you looked like shit, you felt like it too. Your face puffy from the numerous breakdowns the night before, your eyes red from the tears that had an endless flow, dark rings under your eyes from the restless 3 hour sleep you'd got.
Also not to mention the headache you'd acquired. Knowing that only last year if you'd drunk this much, you'd only start to feel something. That's not something to be proud of.
You try your hardest to make yourself look even the slightest bit presentable, getting rid of the puffy face with a shower and taking paracetamol to take away the ache in your skull.
This would do enough to convince them you were fine, it's not like you were the loudest or most obnoxious person on the team. Preferring to observe everything with a smile.
What you didn't consider? Your captains. You're only 22 so even if you're techincally an adult, they're still over 7 years older than you.
So you walk into the lockeroom for training, silently making your way to your cubby as usual. Until, you feel a tug on your sleeve. Alexia is standing there, worry etched into her features.
"You ok? It looks like you've barely slept." Her voice is low and quiet, something you were eternally grateful for.
"Yeah, just a rough night. Thanks capi." You don't lie, but you don't tell the full truth either. She can sense this but doesn't say anymore, allowing you to go back to getting ready.
You take the time to rethink of the previous night, the regret you'd felt immediately after taking the first sip. But, the feeling of being unable to stop.
No matter how much you'd told yourself it was nothing, you know this isn't the end.
You push the thoughts away, clearing your mind of any thoughts before walking out onto the field ready for training.
- - - - -
It was the same people you saw watching you; Alexia, Marta and Mapi. It wasn't every second but enough to showcase they knew something was wrong but just didn't know what.
You had joined in the summer from your old club in Italy. No one knew of the past you'd had with alcohol. It's not like you made an effort to tell them either, they respected your choices not to drink when going out and you didn't need to bring up topics that were from before even moving to Barcelona.
Maybe if they knew, you'd have someone to confide it.
Somehow you'd managed to hide it from your old team as well, but considering the close relationships that Barcelona had with each other you doubted it would be shrugged off as easily.
When training was finally over, you were quick to slip away. As the thoughts and need of what caused you in this melancholic state start to reappear in your mind.
Not now, why after so long did you have to collapse now? When the peak of your career could potentially be around the corner.
You want to survive like a normal person, you want to be able to do things without relying on a fucked up liquid. Why did it have to be you?
And why?
Why is the only thing you can think of to soothe these thoughts, alcohol?
- - - - -
You stare blankly at the open carton, hesitation as you ponder if you should give in or not. Should you drink it? Part of your mind says yes, part of you yearns for it. The rational side says no, and to stop before it's too late.
But wasn't it already?
So you give in. The burning down your throat a painfully familar comfortality.
In a depressing way it makes you more aware of your surroundings, the beer bottles scattered in the room. Liquid all over the floor and on your things. It bothers you, but you can't bring yourself to clean it.
So you sulk, going over past memories. You'd never considered yourself a sad drunk, always being happier and finding a way to goof about while drinking. Then, very rarely toward the end of recovery getting angry. Never sad though.
Times change, people change. You thought you'd changed, but that kind of addiction? It never seemed to leave. Waiting until you're vulnerable to attack. Like an incurable disease.
Before you really comprehend it, the whole box of beers you'd bought yesterday are empty and strown across the floor.
You reach a point of feeling nothing, a numbing feeling brought by guilt, the alcohol making everything seem hazy. Your phone is ringing, but you can't bring yourself to answer. You can't bring yourself to care.
- - - - -
Knocking at your door brings you out of the limboed state you're in. You figure they'll leave soon, and the knocking stops after a minute. Until the door opens revealing the three who had been watching you in the morning.
Alexia is the first to you, the others take in the state of your apartment and walk around elsewhere.
"Hey." It's all she says, but enough for tears to fall from your eyes. You can't bare to look at her face, so you keep your eyes glued to the floor.
"Come on, look at me." She uses her hands to guide your chin so you're looking straight at her.
"Whatever it is, you can tell me." She pauses, "Let's sober you up first." You don't argue, and follow her orders. Exhausted, you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow.
- - - - -
Waking up was easier than you'd thought it would be, your head not pounding as much as in the morning. It made sense though considering you'd drank less than the night before. There were pills on the side table with a glass of water which you take easily.
The sun is setting so you must have slept for a couple of hours by this point. When you walk into the living room you notice all the rubbish gone, the floors are clean and there's no reminisince of beer anywhere. Alexia, Marta and Mapi are talking quietly amongst themselves and look up once they realise you're awake.
"Come, sit." Mapi pats next to her. You nod silently walking over.
"Would you mind explaining to us what happened? I know you’ve said before don't drink, so this is very new. If you don't want to talk that's also fine but I don't want to see you hurt." Alexia says, she doesn't pry but she does make her point known.
"Ok, but please can you do no talking while I explain? I'm not sure how much I can take if I don't explain it all in one." You're not sure why you opened up so easily, maybe because you desperately craved for someone. Anyone.
"Last year, I was an alcoholic and I can't tell you really when it started. It was to take all the weight and pressure off my shoulders originally, but it turned worse. I just kept drinking regularly and when I tried to settledown, I realised I couldn't. So I didn't stop. It worked for me."
"Then as the season moved on I realised I did desperately need to do something about it but I was just so scared of what people would say to me. How would they react?"
“So instead of getting proper help I did it myself.”
"I got rid of all traces, didn't go out as much. It was horrible. I thought I was going crazy. I wasn't ok at all. I'd obviously relapsed a couple times when trying by myself to recover but it gave me more determination. I'd say it took like 3 months before I truly felt like I was clean."
"Then, I'd had the oppurtunity to play here and it's like everything went away. I should've known better." You sigh.
"Known what? Did you know you were going to relapse again?" Marta asks carefully.
"I saw the signs but ignored them, when I did give in... all I felt was regret, I still do. I think that's why I drank the rest if I'm going to be honest." You look away, not daring to look at any of them.
A pair of arms engulf you, large hands pushing your head to the persons chest.
"Listen to me, we can help you. You won't ever have to do this alone, not while I'm here ok? I don't know much about this, but I'll try. We all will." You start sobbing into her chest, clinging your fists tightly into her shirt. A way to thank them without words.
Because the belief they had in you made you feel like you could do it. Even in these drowning times.
—————————————————————————
i hope you enjoyed fic, this may not be accurate to everyone but this is my experience with battling addiction to alcohol and i write it because i too relapsed after a year recently
this was more for also for awareness and just know that you aren’t alone in anything, if you feel you need someone to talk to i’m always here :)
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nomizombie · 4 months
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boyfriend!König headcanons that have been on my mind…
[SFW/Wholesome/Fluff] ; random stuff ive been thinking about, SO MUCH FLUFF YOUR HEART WILL HURT, established relationship, gender neutral, no usage of y/n, not proofread
[A/N] ; love love LOVE the idea of all these things happening!! Also off topic but i feel like this boy needs more wholesome fanfics. Theres just too much smut for this sweet anxious guy :((
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He doesnt move a muscle when you fall asleep on him. He just cant bare to wake you and your cute sleepy face! Hell sit there staring at you for hours until either he falls asleep or you wake up. You falling asleep on him just tells him that you feel so safe around him, especially when hes struggled with being so intimidating (the social anxiety and hood certainly dont help). Whether its at home on the couch, at a movie theatre, or just on the train back home, he just loves you so much he wish you would do it more often <3
You have a phobia and he comforts you. He immediately shields you or removes whatever thing youre scared of. He just cant handle seeing his liebling so terrified and vulnerable :(( he wants you to always feel safe around him, you would never have to worry about safety when hes around. Hes very loyal and is just as great a friend as he is a boyfriend :)
He would either have shoulder length hair or a super short fluffy buzzcut. No inbetween. If you ask him to grow/cut it, he wouldnt hesitate to find the nearest pair of scissors and whack it all off! (or vice versa…) he loves it when you play with his hair, and if its long, he doesnt mind you braiding or tying his hair in silly ways!!
Youre cold? Dont worry! König produces a lot of heat, let him share some of it with you! Hed give you his jacket, a thick padded one fit for surviving the Austrian winters and snug for you! Obviously his size means its huge on you but, he loves seeing you wearing his clothes. Its just another reminder of how small you are compared to him and he is absolutely obsessed with it.
You and him are having fun at a bar. He notices how drunk youre getting and pulls you away to go home before you hurt yourself or regret it in the morning. Unfortunately… the hangover hits hard and you are stuck on the bathroom floor, his hand gently rubbing circles on your back and holding your hair back as you vomit your insides into tje toilet bowl. He hates seeing yoi like this… sick and hungover. next time hes making you leave as soon as your words start slurring >:(
The movie is too scary!! Let him hold and cuddle you, jumpscare after jumpscare. You can shrink into his chest if youre scared. And dont worry about sleeping, nothing can hurt you if hes around. Of course hes just as scared as yuou, the movie was very well made afterall. But, he doesnt want you to be terrified, so hes here for you :) dont forget to give him cuddles too, he cant stop trembling as well!!!
Anniversary, valentines day, your birthday? Dont worry one bit! Hes already got it marked on his calendar, gift planned weeks in advance and the restaurant is already reserved. How could he ever disappoint an angel like you? This is the least he could do for all the love he receives for you!
Youre on your period? Dont even THINK about it. Hell be cuddling and snuggling you to warm you and calm your cramps. Cravings? Hes already on the way to the store :) you dont even have to tell him, hes already got your favourite snacks ready in a basket for you. Youre in pain all week! He hates seeing you like this… :(( who cares aboit the mood swings as long as youre nuzzled in his size, using his warm arms to stifle the chills running down your spine.
Its raining and you only have one umbrella. He would hold it for you, making sure that its his shoulder thats getting wet, not yours. Lest you fall sick and he has to stay home and take care of you for days :(( (not that hes complaining, he’ll take any opportunity to pamper and spoil you!)
Hes just gotten home from work after a bad day. As soon as he sees you, he feels just a little better, especially while resting his head on your chest and listening to your soft breaths on repeat. It could be on the couch, in bed or just while standing in the hallway, some physical touch from you always recharges his batteries :))
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dividers by @mmadeinheavenn !! :)
Tysm for reading!! :) my requests are always open, feel free to ask me anything or request a drabble/fic!
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1for5 · 14 days
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yes im changing
paige bueckers x reader
(paige x uconn psychology student!reader)
masterlist
synopsis: with y/n being in a new environment, still facing rejection, how can she bounce back?
chapter 3
oh no it is. aubrey’s new roommate is the girl paige.. you know..
“oh hey” y/n said awkwardly. “hi! im aubrey, im sorry about earlier..” aubrey replied and apologized. “oh no it’s okay, i just got hurt and im already so tired from today” y/n gave her a comforting smile.
after about an hour, getting unready, aubrey and y/n meet again in the living room. both of them cant sleep, both from excitement to start a new year. they got to learn more about each other other, and they started to feel less awkward.
“oh yeah i know the girl you were with earlier, we see her often, i think shes the daughter of coach’s friend” aubrey mentioned peyton. “ah yeah she told me! shes also freshman in psychology with me” y/n replied. “thats cool! she can bring you to our games and support us huskies!” aubrey said.
“we will see, since i just really focus on my academics this year. plan to get high grades and transfer to stanford. got rejected but its my ultimate dream” y/n sighed. she then talked about stanford more and her father. aubrey comforted her, saying “im so sorry, im always here for you! reach for that goal, im sure your father is proud of you. but in the meantime, dont worry, uconns got you!”
the two got sleepy and head off to bed. y/n felt happy as she felt more relieved with choosing uconn. she closed her eyes, getting rest for the next day.
next day; first day of actual school
“you guys will make your own research, anything about psychology, i want to see your passion and skills. research has to be done by the end of the semester, but we will have working sessions mixed with the lectures so i know you guys have progress.” the professor said.
it was y/n’s first class, and she got bombed with this? i mean yeah, she could do it, but it just suprised her as it was the first thing her professor said. and plus, what topic could she even work on?
after classes, peyton invited y/n to watch basketball training with her. y/n insisted but peyton really wanted to watch her “crush.” y/n nodded her head, and just thought that she could use her laptop, thinking about what her research should be about.
when they went into the court, aubrey saw y/n and waved at her, paige and the others looking confused, but y/n just shrugged it off and heard aubrey explaining to her team that they are roommates. on the other hand, peyton was getting excited and pointed at azzi. “she is sooooo pretty. ive been crushing on her ever since my dad bought me to their game. she’s a sophomore” peyton exclaimed. y/n teased her for a bit, and then she pulled out her laptop.
she didnt know what topic to use, and when she heard the basketball team talk about their homework, she got an idea.
a comparative research on the academic resilience of students and student-athletes in the university of connecticut.
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