#but just know that i get messages on ao3 where people say 'i've re-read this fic x amount of times and i still love it'

[pennyserenade]

telling myself the zero interactions i've gotten on fics beyond likes the past two years is sorta like being a real author and its good practice for the future just to get myself through the day

[writing-till-i-am-dead]

Aidlyn oneshot - It's Not Romantic, I Swear.

Requested by ServingDumbassBlonde on AO3 <3

Ashlyn felt like she was about to have her brain explode. She was texting Taylor with big, long, ranting paragraphs (which is nothing like her at all).

-Ashlyn: I don't know what to do, Taylor. He won't get out of my head and I really want to punch a wall, but, like, in a good way?? But also in a panicky way. I've never felt panicky and now I'm angry because I feel panicky and now I'm angry at Aiden because HIS DUMB FACE WON'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

-Taylor: Holy crap.. Ashlyn.. I think you have a crush on Aiden!

Ashlyn fumbled as she read the message, nearly dropping her phone but catching it just on time. A crush? On Aiden, of all people?! No. Absolutely not. That is ridiculous, stupid, and most of all, DUMB.

-Ashlyn: No I do not! Aiden is so annoying and loud and has no sense of personal space. Plus, I've never had a crush. Ever. And I intend for it to stay that way forever.

Taylor couldn't help but giggle at Ashlyn's texts. It's so unlike her. Usually she would just text things like "OK" or "👍" or "Don't be idiots" or "Have you done the homework?". Nothing like this. Taylor likes this side of Ashlyn. Vulnerable and more like a human who has immovable patience and levelheadedness.

-Taylor: Ashlyn, I think you should just think about it for a bit. Has Aiden ever done or said anything to you that made you see him in a different light?

Ashlyn sadly had several moments she could think of. Aiden saving her from a phantom and holding her close, Aiden checking if she was OK in the hospital and brushing her hand with his, Aiden nudging her foot in the living room before going to bed when she was busy being stressed, Aiden just... being there.

But Ashlyn couldn't say that. Hell. No.

-Ashlyn: I'm going to bed.

She shut off her phone and slammed it on her nightstand, hiding her face in the pillows. She still had a couple of hours until she and the others will be in the phantom dimension. And she knew she won't be able to sleep until then.

Taylor couldn't help but giggle at the final message. She's such a cat Taylor thought.

"Hey, Tay," Tyler says, stepping into their shared bedroom. He had a new pair of black studs in his ears after re-piercing them with Aiden (who had literally begged him nonstop for entire week to pierce his ears for him).

"Ohhh, nice new earrings!" Taylor said, doing a silly wolf whistle, getting an eye roll out of him.

"Thanks. Anyways, can I borrow your phone?"

"Sure. But what for?"

"Mine is dead and I need to text Aiden proper piercing maintenance before he gets an ear infection in the first night."

Taylor chuckled as she handed him her phone. "Is that even possible?"

"With him? Probably."

Tyler opens up his sister's phone and is met with a text conversation between her and Ashlyn. Usually, Tyler wouldn't care. Why would he? Ashlyn is just blunt and annoying. But this was something he couldn't help but get curious about. Ashlyn was sending huge, long paragraphs of some sort of rant. Very unlike her. This he had to see. So what if that made him a snoop?

He read through the messages quickly and felt his jaw drop. Taylor looked over and noticed her brother's expression. "What's with that look?"

"Ashlyn likes Aiden?!"

Taylor screams and snatches her phone away. "Don't read my conversations!"

"Holy shit, is she brain dead?!"

"Don't be so mean! I think that they're adorable!"

"Of course you do!"

"Ugh! Just get out!"

"But I sleep in here!"

"I don't care! Tonight I get both bunks! Now, shoo!"

Tyler rolled his eyes, still dumbfounded as he stepped out of the room. Seriously, Ashlyn likes Aiden? What awful taste, really.

He settles onto the couch and Taylor gets on the bottom bunk. Simultaneously, all 6 of them fell asleep together.

The 6 of them met where they left off last night. They were in their camp. A phantom had somehow managed to get through and now they were trying to find where it could have come from.

"I think it's west," Ashlyn says as they catch up with each other.

"I agree with Ashlyn!" Aiden says, looking over at her with a smile that said 'I only say this because Ashlyn said it'. He often had this look when she speaks.

Ashlyn averts her eyes and hunches over slightly, hating, hating, hating whatever this was. Ugh! He trusts her so much and so fully, it made her sickeningly happy. It didn't help that he had new piercings that she thought he looks weirdly good in and UGH STOP IT, BRAIN.

Tyler felt like gagging at the two lovebirds. "It can't be west. All the lights are working there. It has to be south. The lights are dimming there."

Ashlyn narrows her eyes at him and takes a step forward. "It couldn't be south, either. The walls are way too solid over there for anything like that. And dim lights or not, it still deters the phantoms. West is also closer to the trees, where the phantoms could have more shade."

Tyler glares at her. "No way it's west. It would make no sense for it to be there. Logan is patrolling there all the time."

"He could've missed something."

"No way. He has way too sharp of an eye for that."

Logan felt like interjecting here. "I could have totally missed something, Tyler."

"No, it just makes no logical sense. It has to be the south."

The two began to yell at one another, and Tyler resulted to yelling out of pure frustration, "You have no right to think you're smart about anything, you literally have a crush on Aiden!"

The entire group went quiet and Tyler immediately regretted his words. He had gone too far. He has a bad habit of not thinking before he speaks.

Everyone stared at Ashlyn and Aiden had to suck in a breath to try and slow his heartbeat as best as possible.

"I.. I do... I don't.." But Ashlyn was an awful liar. Her red face wasn't helping, either. "I don't!" she yells again, looking at the rest of the group.

Taylor looked absolutely guilt ridden and Tyler looked like he wanted to jump off a cliff because he felt so awkward and angry with himself.

Ashlyn then looks at Aiden, who is just staring. And that just makes this all the worse!

"I... UGH!" She storms away from the rest, flipping the bird at Tyler, which is probably the most irrationally angry anyone had ever seen her.

Aiden was about to go after her, but Taylor puts a hand on his shoulder. "Give her some space."

But Aiden felt like her had to talk to her. If this was true, if this was real, then... then everything would be.. it could be... he had to see if this was true. He had to. But he knew Taylor was right.

So, for the rest of the night, the group inspected both walls, and came to the finding that Ashlyn was in fact correct about her suspicions of the west wall, which made Tyler feel even worse.

The next day, at school, Ashlyn didn't show up.

"Should I text her?" Aiden asked. He really, really wanted to talk to her. To see her face. Hear her voice. Her her say it herself. The words that he so desperately wants to hear are true.

But Taylor just shook her head. "Just leave her be. My stupid brother seriously hurt her pride."

"But what's so pride-hurting about liking me?" Aiden asked, trying to make it sound like a joke, but deep inside he was hurting that the mere idea of her liking him could be some shameful, humiliating thing.

"Probably because you're annoying," Tyler said bluntly.

"Ty!"

"Sorry, sorry, I'll shut up.."

Taylor let's out a sigh and turns back to Aiden. "It's just that.. you know how she likes to be in complete control of how she feels and stuff. She doesn't like not being in control. So being alone will give her a sense of control over her life. So let's give her that."

Aiden slumped in his chair, Ben giving him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

That night when they all fell asleep, Ashlyn busied herself with work, avoiding everyone else, especially Aiden. This was really starting to annoy him. He tried to follow her around as she was reloading riffles, fixing lights, and whatever else she could do. But he just couldn't keep up with her.

At school, she showed up, but sat at a different desk.

Seriously!? Let me talk to you! Aiden thought, absolutely miserable. He hated this! He hated it so much. He wanted to hear her say it. To hear if it was true. Please, please let it be true. The more time goes on, the more painful it gets.

Ashlyn didn't even show up at lunchtime.

"You're a complete idiot," Taylor said, looking over at her brother.

"I'm sorry, ok! I've sent hundreds of messages to Ash apologizing and she hasn't responded once!"

"I can't blame her!"

Aiden stands up, hating to hear the fighting any longer.

"Tyler," he says. "You are stupid. Really stupid. But you may have helped me out."

"Huh-?" But before Tyler could say anything, Aiden was sprinting out of the cafeteria in search of Ashlyn. Ben tried to reach out and grab him to stop him, but just missed.

Aiden zoomed through the halls, looking in every possible place she could be, narrowly avoiding teachers who would scold him and waist his time.

He ran up the stairs, looking in all the empty classrooms, clubs rooms, anywhere. He ran past the dance studio, where he heard music.

He stopped in his tracks and looked at the door. He very slowly approached it before peaking in. There he saw a figure.

She was moving fast, her body angry and thrashing while still keeping its elegant form, landing each jump and pirouette with rageful grace. Her hair was like a blazing fire, spinning around her form like the flames wanted to eat her alive.

Ashlyn.

Aiden opened the door, the creaking of it immediately made her stop and she whipped her head around to face him. Immediately, she looked like a cornered wild animal, ready to pounce to escape.

"Ashlyn. Can we please talk?"

She doesn't say anything as she looks around for any sort of escape.

"Please. I think I have the right to know what's going on?"

"Shut up," she spits out. This is the first time he's heard her speak in days. It was like music to his ears.

"Please, cmon. Yknow I never get this serious."

She clenched her fists, shaking angrily as she turns away. "What do you want?"

"I just.. wanna make sure you're ok."

"I'm fine!" she yells. "Happy?"

He laughs and tilts his head to observe her. "You don't look it."

"I.. ugh! I.. am fine. I'm fine! I'm in complete control and I'm not on the verge of punching someone in the face or on the verge of crying or anything like that! I AM FINE!"

He takes a step forward, trying to remain slow. He pulls his hoodie over his head and tightly pulls the string, the hoodie overtaking his face.

"I don't see anything," he says.

Such a goofy, Aiden way to show that he cares. Damnit..

She sucks in a breath and lets out a scream of frustration. She might be crying. That was weird. She never does. Why now?

"Damnit, damnit! I've never felt like this and I don't know how to handle it. All my nerves are in fight or flight. Everything is exciting but scary and I hate it!" she yells, kicking the wall.

He nods along to her words, keeping his eyes blinded with his hoodie as not to embarass her.

"And for some reason.. Some reason.. I like you. I think. Ugh! You won't get out of my head. I want you to comfort me and I want to squeeze you so tight that you suffocate. And in a good way!"

Aiden goes completely quiet now. She said it. She actually said it. And so matter-of-factly. Wow.. But he had to keep his cool, for her sake.

Aiden stays silent as she takes in deep, slow breaths before saying, "Can I look now?"

She pauses before answering with, "No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because-!" she stops herself. Because she's so embarrassed and if she were to see his stupid, stupid face right now, she might just crumble. She might just melt. She might just completely fall in love.

He takes a step forward, a small one since he can't see where he's going. "Ash." His voice is muffled through the fabric.

"Stop it.." she says, covering her ears in defiance.

"I like you," he says.

"Shut up."

"Haha!"

She grabs his hoodie and pulls it down. He sees her face. Her eyes are down and her face is redder than her hair. She looks almost ashamed.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she says, frowning deeply.

"I don't either!" he says with a wide smile.

He takes her hand, and she lets him. She doesn't know why.

"I like you," he says again.

"I heard you the first time."

"Can you say it again, then?"

"No."

He laughs, his shoulders shaking from his own nervousness, but also his joy. "That's ok. Take your time."

[hms-tardimpala]

A statement on ficbinding (according to me)

I've joined the book/ficbinding tag on tumblr a couple of weeks ago, and in that time I've seen some confusion and concern about what ficbinding is, so I thought I'd post a statement of how I see ficbinding and why I do it. (If you're an author and I redirected you to this post because I want to bind your fic, hiiii) (Fellow ficbinders, if you find this post a useful ressource, don't hesitate to use it yourselves)

What's ficbinding?

Ficbinding (also called fanbinding) means a reader is going to print your fic and make a book out of it. It goes from the simple single booklet stapled together to leatherbound gold-foiled volumes.

Are you gonna make money off of my writing?!

I wouldn't dream of it. Ficbinding is just another fandom practice: you can't monetize your fic writing because you don't own the universe you're writing about, and I can't monetize your fic because it doesn't belong to me. I believe there are professionals who bind fics for a price (on Etsy, maybe?) but I'm ethically opposed to it.

Why do you do it, then?

Love of the craft. I'm a craftsman, I love choosing the best fabrics, fonts and embellishments for a project and making something with my hands.

Love of your fic. I liked it so much I want it in my house! I'm not fond of reading on a screen, it drastically reduces the chances I'll re-read the fic (even if I want to). Printing your fic ensures I'll enjoy it for years to come. It's the best compliment I can pay you.

As a gift to a friend who doesn't have the skills.

And what, it happens whether I want it or not?

As you can imagine, this is kind of a gray area legally. Nothing forces a ficbinder to reach out and tell you they're binding your fic. But this is fandom, and I personally view it as a community and consider that it's only courteous to let authors know I'm doing this. If I post pictures of my binding here, I want to be able to give credit where it's due, and since most authors are very happy to see their work bound, tagging them means they'll get a nice surprise when they open tumblr. I'll always do my best to find a way to contact you (ao3 comment, tumblr if you've put it on your ao3 profile).

I don't like strangers messaging me, is there a way to let people know I agree/don't allow this without talking to someone?

Valid, and there is! The simplest way is to write it in your ao3 bio, it's called a blanket permission or a transformative works statement. For example, mine says that I allow all transformative works (ficbinding is one, like fanart) based on my fics but that I like to be notified so I can gush about it and reblog/link to it, and I put my tumblr there to make it easy to contact me.

You can build a statement with this excellent tool. Answer the questions at the bottom of the page and you'll get a clearly-worded short statement to copy-paste into your bio (you can edit it, of course). The blanket permission is the thing ficbinders look for and as a digitally socially anxious person, let me tell you, it's a life-changer.

(Now, can I bind your fic, pretty please 🥺?)

[splickedylit]

Travel Guide/About

Just realized my header says "read the about" but the helpful sidebar links on my blog are basically invisible on mobile. SO:

Most people call me “Splickedy”. You can also call me Ace. They/she/he/it, I really don't care

Art Tag and Writing Tag

Commissions are currently OPEN - Slot 1: FULL, Slot 2: OPEN - See [INFO PAGE] or bottom of this post for more information

Requests are currently CLOSED

Consistent tagging is generally attempted but not guaranteed

I’m 18+ and sometimes post suggestive or mature content accordingly: if that's a dealbreaker I wish you well but also SLAM that unfollow button lol

--

FAQ/COMMISSIONS:

HOLD UP.  Toastyhat/emptyfeet/toastyglow has a twin?

Yes.  Go check out Toasty’s stuff, it’s (chefkiss.gif) We are NOT the same person but we ARE twins lol. I know it's confusing.

2. Where can I find (Insert Fic Here)?

Finished and posted writing would be on my AO3(s): spoonerizeswiftness and (18+), respectively.

Short/incomplete writing and link posts to fic updates would be in #splickedydrabbles

If you remember seeing something I've written but now can't find it, let me know! It may be saved on my computer or posted on one of my sideblogs where I can track it down for you

3. Your sideblogs?

Yup! For [Motorcity], ["Pale Porn"/nonsexual intimacy], and [boatboys/Tales From The Michigan Fleet/Original Co-written Novels]

3. Do you take requests/take commissions?

I take requests on specified request nights! You can write in when requests are closed, but it's quite unlikely they'll get filled.

Commissions are usually open, although depending on the timing of the commission I may not be able to deliver time-sensitive results

4. What program/brushes do you use?

I use Clip Studio Paint for special effects, but mostly I use Paint Tool Sai II.

here's a post of my Sai brushes

(Sai II download)

5.  Would you mind if I did (fanart/fanfic/cosplay) for one of your stories)?

Extremely wild but also very cool! Have fun and I would love to see the result**!”

I may miss (@)s/mentions due to my heavy nocturnal work schedule--if I haven't liked/reblogged/acknowledged something you made for me, it's totally fine to re-up it in my messages/inbox etc

**Unless the work is a fanfiction related to the Tales From The Michigan Fleet series (AKA Boatboys), in which case my coauthors and I don’t look at it for legal reasons but are very supportive and grateful!

--

COMMISSIONS (short version)

I would encourage checking the full page on a desktop or opening it in a browser to get all the details RE: backgrounds, additional characters, Terms of Service, etc. But the bare-bones prices-only rundown goes thusly:

[ladyswillmart]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the love ❤️

Hey wow, thanks for the message! I actually had to think about this one quite a bit. I'm not always the biggest fan of my own work, but in recent years I have published a few fics that I ended up liking. These... might be in some particular order? Eh, I dunno! Anyway, here goes:

5.) "It's Up To You" (Portal). The one where Doug Rattmann is trying to repair Grady. This is the last Portal fic I did and probably ever will do (though, never say never, right?). I'm not sure why I envisioned Doug as a fan of Ricky Nelson but it kinda works. Like the rest of my Portal stories, I put a lot of heart into this one, but in the end it felt like a bit of a waste. Oh well, I still like how it turned out.

4.) "Fish is Also a Four-Letter Word" (Gensou Suikoden II). It's sort of a screwball comedy where Jillia kind of asks Klaus to use his strategist super-powers to kill her brother. This was one of those magic stories where it all just brilliantly came together in a matter of days, footnotes and all. Rarer still, it's a story I can re-read and go "oh, that was cute", without cringing!

3.) "Malus" (Soul Blazer). The tiny fic in the tiny fandom that could! The first story I've ever done that was narrated by a goat. It's such a sweet and gentle tale, and I still think this setting is really interesting. There are not a lot of fics for this old SNES game, but I guess it is kind of a niche title. I got about halfway through a follow-up (narrated by a dormouse) so maybe I'll finish that one some time too...

2.) "A Difficult Business" (FF14). Originally a shitpost on Tumblr, which should tell you everything you need to know, if you don't want to actually read the fic summary. It's the one where Y'shtola bribes Nero Scaeva to deep fry Nidhogg's eyeballs in the fry vat at the Husting Strip Galleria food court's Ol’ Mistbeard Fish ‘n Chips.

1.) "Mog House" (FF14). In here, there is only Mog. And House. Huh, this one also involves Nero in some manner of bribery (only this time he's the one doing the bribing).

Ironically (?), my actual #1 pick isn't something that I can link to because it hasn't been published anywhere yet! It's called "Ancient History" and it's a 16-chapter work of Ultima VII (Serpent Isle) fanfic that's going up on my Neocities. For whatever reason, I made the boneheaded decision that it would be the FIRST thing to go up on my website, along with a complete (read: way too verbose) timeline and character profiles and little pictures, the works! All of this is still under construction, HOWEVER the bulk of the actual writing/markup of it is DONE and has been for some time. It's really just down to the getting the formatting just right, plus some light revision and last-minute edits.

Oh yeah! I still need to write the epilogue. Hah!

Unfortunately, it looks like Dawntrail got in the way as it's currently taking up my "writing" time slot. 😅 However, I'm also making my way to the end of all that so I expect I can get back into finishing my website pretty soon as well.

It's something I don't really expect people to be interested in so I'm not putting this story on AO3 or anything like that. I'm really proud of the work I put into the website and the story and the little AU world I crafted around it, but in the end, it's something I did just for me. 😛

[not-poignant]

You have a very broad readership; do you still, like most ao3 writers, use writing as a way to make friends? If so, how do you manage both to make connections and keep from uncomfortable parasocial engagements?

(admitting: I like your work a lot, I have a similar interest in writing trauma and recovery, I would like to befriend you, but I don't want to bother you bc lots of people want to be friend with writers they like and there's no way you'd have energy for all of them!)

Hi hi anon,

So...this response might be disappointing, but I didn't use fanfiction writing as a way of making friends. That's not why I started, and it's never been the reason for me to be in fandom.

(Thoughts about friendship and stuff under the read more, it's pretty personal so no obligation to read. The TL;DR is I am bad at friendship and I also am not like 'most AO3 writers' (is that really why most AO3 writers write?) in the sense that I never wrote fanfiction as a way to make friends and it's very weird to me sometimes that people actually do this as a motive).

When I turned up in fandom, it was a very private experience for me. I didn't know anyone else locally who shared the same fandom/s I do. When I shared fanfiction on Livejournal, I did so to complete strangers who I never got to know better, or to people who were already friends through other interests.

I've never gone to fandom conventions (there's few here, and I have severe social anxiety. By the time I thought about going I was in my late 30s, and just felt like I'd be too much of an outsider even among fellow outsiders - again, I shared almost no fandoms or ships with anyone I knew locally, and no one I'm friends with / know in person reads my fanfiction). Fandom was always an incredibly isolated experience for me.

When I joined AO3, it wasn't with a view to making friends. I was extremely burnt out, I'd quit my previous job as a professional artist because I couldn't see a way of making the income work out, and I just wanted to write a very angst-filled story that would help me deal with my loneliness which I didn't see as something that would ever change. Writing about a character who's experienced centuries of loneliness was like 'cool, yeah, I'm gonna write about him.'

I did end up making friends, but it was kind of by accident! And not all of those experiences were positive. One person in particular became quite toxic and cruel towards me, and I experienced my first kind of encounter with...I guess what I would call the uglier side of fandom life and also just friendship and relationships. It took me a long time to recover from that experience (and to learn what emotional abuse is), and after that I shut down and stopped kind of making friends on the internet.

I have made friends through the writing since (they're usually the mutuals I also have on Instagram, or here, or people I've DMed in Discord etc.), but I haven't really sought it out actively and I think anyone who knows me well enough that we've private messaged a few times, also knows that I'm quite aloof and reserved, and that I will engage quite deeply sometimes but then disappear for a few months (or years) re: communication, which is a remnant of a period of time where I used to get sometimes 200 Whatsapp messages in 5 minutes from someone who expected me to be accountable to her every second of every day when she was awake and wanted me to be.

On top of like, severe social anxiety + PTSD, and being very reserved in general, I would also say I'm very time poor. I don't have much time for the friends I already have and care about. I often view myself as quite a poor friend, who is not good at starting and even worse at maintaining connections. I'm also very private. As in, I will happily tell the world I have PTSD. But I won't tell my friends in a private conversation when I'm having a bad night, and I don't give friends many opportunities to connect. Even with really close friends, this is an ongoing issue that I'm working on.

So as for befriending, that's extremely sweet of you anon, but who I am in my personal life is sometimes very different to like... the way I can respond in comments or to anons, because it's actually easier for me to talk to strangers sometimes than it is for me to talk to friends, lol. I honestly think some of the people I consider my friends don't even know that I do, because I don't really behave like one. I chat online regularly to one person only, and one other person intermittently (and they're a romantic partner) and that's it. Everyone else I chat to pretty rarely in DM. But I do turn up in the Fae Tales Discord every day.

I don't actually think lots of people want to be my friend, tbh? Not in a 'woe is me' way, but simply because I think some people do grok that kind of... polite distance or that sort of warm 'I care for a lot of people but I am also quite personally walled off' kind of way. The good news is a lot of the folks in the Fae Tales Discord also share a lot of interest in writing trauma and recovery, or have those experiences, and I know a lot of good friends have been made within the like...faedom itself. A lot of neurodivergent, trauma-focused folks have met each other through this writing, and it's really cool seeing the different friendships that have sparked up between people. There's a lot of extremely like... skilled, talented, interesting people that I've met through this job, who I admire, respect and want the best for, and am very happy to talk to.

But yeah I'm a bit difficult to befriend, anon, and that's been an ongoing thing all my life, tbh. But it did specifically get worse in fandom because of some early fandom experiences when I started out in Rise of the Guardians fanfiction.

[cookinguptales]

I found you through AO3 bc your nandermo fics devastated me and really helped kick off my newest special interest and I enjoy your metas a lot. I was sad when I saw your post about being disheartened by lack of interaction. I really struggle to communicate, especially online and especially when going through things, but I wanted to say that I really like what you write and your insight and thank you for creating. I wish I could interact more often and more specifically than leaving kudos. I had a moment of social energy and I wanted to use it to send this since I’ve been thinking about your post for awhile. Sorry for rambling awkwardly, just thanks.

I really appreciate that you put the effort into sending me this message, especially because it sounds like it's not something that's necessarily easy for you to do. That was really kind. Thank you.

I was mostly talking about wider fandom trends and my experiences in other fandoms; like I mentioned in the post, wwdits fandom has actually been one of the best experiences I've had in fandom in years. (Uh. Certain anons aside. lmao.) I get more interaction here than I have in a long time, and it's one reason why I keep writing fic and meta.

I will say that it's still... frustrating, I guess, the way that social media is kind of where fic goes to die these days, even in wwdits fandom. I do still think it's largely because you have to click off the "social" site to read the fic, and AO3 in and of itself was not meant for extensive social interaction. So you do still lose out on the kinds of social interaction that other kinds of fanwork (including meta, for that matter) seem to enjoy.

I would say that the way my meta is received vs. the way my fic is received is drastically different, and I really didn't start making as many friends on tumblr until I started posting it. The fic was definitely not enough, no matter how many people enjoyed it. Again, they might list me as an author that they enjoyed, but not an actual fellow fan that they liked to interact with. I guess that's the part that's a bummer. There is a more collaborative feel to certain kinds of fanwork, and fanfic used to have that feel.

Now, though, it can be very isolating and I do see a tendency to separate author from fanwork. That can feel weirdly like erasure, like people don't want you to exist, only the work you can give them. I've even seen people complain that author's notes exist because they don't want anything to "distract" from the fic. Like an artist existing distracts from the art...? That's frustrating.

I do think it's related to greater trends re: nonconsensual commodification of art, pressure to commodify hobbies, monetization of fandom, art as "content/product" and art enjoyers as "consumer/customer", etc. It does remind me in some ways of the way that people do feel... entitled, I guess? To various artists' output as separated from the artist. (See: misuse of art for AI.)

It does feel extra frustrating to see this forced upon fanfic, though, considering that it's one of the few types of fanwork that still exists in a real legal gray area re: monetization. It's like we get saddled with all of the downsides of commercialization with none of the benefits. I feel like we should be able to opt out of all this commercialization bullshit if we're not even getting paid to deal with the shitty dehumanizing parts. lmao

Ah, I'm getting distracted again.

I guess it's nice to just actually see people talk about something you've created and interact with it. Not just leave a comment to you personally, but show it to their friends, put stuff in the tags, ask questions, start discussions about it, etc. You know, the kind of stuff that happens with other kinds of art on social media. (Meta very much included!) Things that make it feel more like you exist in a community rather than just... idk, putting down something you've made and watching it get consumed absent your presence.

I guess... to extend the metaphor, I may be the cook but I still want a place at the table. The difference between making dinner for your family vs. making dinner for a customer at a restaurant, y'know? I wanna sit down and talk, not just perform. There's a lack of community these days that I really miss.

I guess all this is mostly just nostalgia for an older form of fandom. Fic did used to feel a bit more like an interactive art form back in the LJ days. (And before, I guess.) A conversation, if you will. Sometimes that could be irritating (remember back when reviewers could be put in the fics and such on ff.net? lmao) but sometimes it was really nice.

I SOUND REALLY OLD NOW... There are some things about modern fandom and AO3 in general that I really like, especially the ability to search and filter in ways that really weren't possible ~back in the day~. But... yeah, I do feel like we've lost something, too, by making fanfic almost too easy to "consume" outside of the rest of the social fandom space.

I guess I'll go take my cane and sit down now lmao.

[asexual-fandom-queen]

Fanfic Writer 20 Questions

I was tagged by @nixie-deangel to do fanfic writer 20 questions, so let's dive in! Tagging @42wallaby-way-sydney @fatherofthebride @coldtomyflash to participate, if they are so inclined.

How many works do you have on AO3? 72

What's your AO3 word count? Just shy of 366,000

What fandoms do you write for? I started out doing most of my writing for The Flash/Arrowverse, but most recently have moved on to writing primarily for Stranger Things, Ted Lasso, 9-1-1, and Teen Wolf

What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. Turn And Face The Strange (Stranger Things, Stoncy) 2. All On The Line (9-1-1, Buddie) 3. Givin' Yourself to Me Can Never Be Wrong (The Flash, Coldflashwave) 4. Hands On Me (I Think I Wanna Let It Happen) (9-1-1, Buddie) 5. House Like a Homecoming (Stranger Things, Poly Monster Hunters)

Do you respond to comments? I do! I kinda never shut up about how important comments are to a fandom's ecosystem, so when I get them, I answer back!

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't usually end fics in full angst mode, but maybe the fic with the most bittersweet ending is Unfair. It's a SethKate (From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series) fic set in the aftermath of a sex pollen situation that leaves them both hurt and vulnerable. But there's still that nugget of hope, because they're hurt and vulnerable together.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? If I'm going for not just pure fluff factor, but how satisfying the happy ending is in the context of the rest of the fic/the source material, I would say Maybe We'll Get Forty Years Together which is a Jamie/Keeley/Roy future fic set during their wedding where Jamie has a chance to hash things out with his father.

Do you get hate on fics? Every once in a blue moon. I write a lot of polyships, and sometimes those polyships are an amalgamation of two sides of a ship war, and people have opinions about that lol. But generally, no.

Do you write smut? What kind? Sure do! I'd say it's what I write primarily. Generally, I write smut with feelings, or angsty smut. Sometimes it's definitely just smut for smut's sake though, which is also fun! I'm a big supporter of being horny on main.

Do you write cross-overs? I don't. The closest I've gotten is writing an AU based on another tv/show. I don't dislike them in principle, I've just never written one myself.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes! Someone stole Taste of Your Lips (I'm On A Ride) and changed it from the original pairing of Zari/Amaya from Legends of Tomorrow to a Lauren/Camilla RPF and posted it on Wattpad. I'm very grateful to the person who messaged me on Tumblr to let me know, because the thief did take it down when I confronted them about it.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I have, and it's really cool to have been asked. My Buddie fic Exploration has been translated to Chinese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not exactly. I was part of a multi-creator rewrite for season 2 of Legends of Tomorrow, which involved re-plotting and re-drafting as a group, so you could technically count Episode 2: Crisis and Faith.

What's your all-time favourite ship? I'm actually gonna have the dumbest answer for this question because it's a ship I've never written for, probably never will, and don't even really read, but it's Frank Castle and Karen Page from Daredevil/The Punisher. Their dynamic is just exactly what I want out of a ship. No notes.

What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will? I have an Abby/Buck/Eddie fic that's on permanent hiatus that I almost certainly will never finish, especially because, in working on it, it started to splinter off a lot of ideas and dynamics and scenes I actually want to use for an original novel someday, so I don't see myself ever completing it. I would like to finish that novel though lol.

What are your writing strengths? I think I always feel most proud of my characterization being pretty on point, and I get enough comments to that effect that I don't think I'm just making that up. I also think I'm good at writing in small details that seem minor but make an impact.

What are your writing weaknesses? I fizzle out! I don't have good stamina to go back to something if it's gonna take me more than one sitting to write, which is why most of my stuff falls in the 2-4k range. I also lose steam without feedback and encouragement. My educational background is in creative writing, and I've been a long-time member of fandom, plus part of writer's groups even before then, so the idea of writing being a solitary thing is kinda wild to me.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? To each their own for this. For me, personally, I'll use a word or a very small sentence I'm reasonably confident is correct in a fic, but for longer sentences, I would write in English and just indicate it was said in another language in the dialogue tag. Plus, even if it was a language I do speak fluently like Frech, it doesn't mean readers do, so I think English is still the way to go.

First fandom you wrote for? So, if we're talking first fic ever, we have to go back to when I was five and six years old and I would make little "books" out of folded index cards where I'd write stories about Sailor Moon or Cardcaptors. My first fic on the Internet was back in my FF.net days, and it was a Kyoya/Haruhi fic for Ouran High School Host Club. My first fic on AO3 was actually a multi-chapter Sterek fic that was never completed and that I've since taken down. The oldest fic of mine you can still find posted on AO3 is a multi-chapter Coldflash fic We Could Keep Things Just The Same, the first chapter of which was posted on February 24th, 2016!

Favourite fic you've ever written? I still feel like I've never topped There's a Menace In My Bed; Can You See His Silhouette. There are some edits I might go back and make with my extra eight (EIGHT!?!) years of writing experience, but the core of what that fic accomplishes? The delicious angst? The emotional minefield of dubious consent/sex pollen/fuck-or-die? The smut as character study? The caretaking? This just hit on a lot of things I like, and I'm really proud of it even all these years later.

[green4allseasons]

Green! I've been wanting to ask you this for a few days, but I'm too shy. Today is the day. When did you start shipping Jason with Tim, and what dynamic do you like the most between the two of them? Also, how did you come up with the idea of taking advantage of the YJ series to write about them?

Have a nice week!

Ahhhhh! Oh my goodness, I am SO glad you woke up and decided today was the day! Seeing this message in my inbox gave me all the fuzzies and happy feelings🥺💕! But I also completely get it; there are so many cool people in this space that I want to send asks to, but I am also shy and have yet to. This may be the thing that encourages me to do so!

As for your first question, I actually found out about the JayTim ship in kind of a roundabout way. I've been a DC fan for many years (particularly the animated movies and shows) but never really thought more about the other universe-wide ships than a casual "oh, that's nice" for most of them. But then, a few years ago, I came across a stunning fanart that was actually JayDick (If you can believe it!!), and my thoughts were, "OH! That's nice!!👀" Insert many Google searches later, a foray into Tumblr, and my first experience getting into Fandom spaces, and that's where I found a fanart for JayTim, and let's say my mind just spasmed "ahdfdfdsfsdf," and I was sold.

As for "what" exactly sold me on their dynamic? It's funny because I am not usually an enemies-to-lovers fan (friends-to-lovers is much more my jam). But for Tim and Jason?? It just works. I also am a sucker for angst, and pining, and good old fashion snarky banter. But honestly? I think what really got me was the absolute "ride or die" way that they care about each other when depicted in fandom and even platonically in canon. I know "ride or die" could be applied to a lot of ships, but I think that these two would go to far more extraordinary lengths to protect each other than, say, some other characters (particularly those of whom are hindered by their moral code). Both of these characters are consistently shown to be greyer than not, but just go about it in completely different ways. I've always been more attached to gray characters in fiction, so when there are TWO of them? It's just the chef's kiss. TL;DR They are both just MESSY and yet competent AF and I love it.

But even with my attachment to them, I never considered writing fanfiction! I've only ever written original stories. I don't even know why I didn't consider it because I've loved reading fanfiction since I was as old enough to navigate a computer (a LONG time😅). But suddenly, a little over a year ago, I was re-watching all of Young Justice while simultaneously watching the new season, and BAM! Two very specific scenes came up in my head (One that has already been written about in Part 1 and another that has yet to be shown in Part 2), and I could just Not. Stop. Thinking. About. It. I'm serious. Those two scenes kept me awake at night, the brain rot was all consuming, and I got that feeling that all writers have felt a time or two where if they didn't jot it down in that moment, they'd just implode!!

So, of course my totally normal person response was to immediately sign up for AO3, outline an entire ~40-chapter story around those two scenes right down to the nitty-gritty details, and start uploading.

100K words later and here we are! The rest was history!!! I know this is probably WAY longer than you ever anticipated 🤣 but THANK YOU for asking me! I hope I didn't scare you away with the essay. I have just loved these characters, the JayTim fandom, and my first experience writing fanfiction so much, and all it takes is a little question for me to go on a gush about it!!

[raving-raven-writing]

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Thank you for the ask! Sorry it took me a bit to answering. And sorry for the word vomit that follows--I realize I wrote a lot for these answers, but I don't want to shorten them.

✨Out of the comments you've received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites? Well, I just got one yesterday on my Avatar story Path of the Lost Men that went along the lines of "Do you enjoy emotionally torturing us?" and this made me laugh, but it is nice to know that my writing can have that effect on people. There was a comment in regards to my story "Taken" for OHSHC where they said something like "This is cool, but why are you telling it backwards, you already know how everything went down" and when I asked them if they knew what was going to happen in future chapters, they never responded, so I was like "Clearly, it wasn't open shut as you thought." One of the nicest comments I've ever gotten, to date, was back when I posted back on FF.net. This person left a long message saying how they had read all the other comments and there seemed to be this one negative nelly leaving bad reviews, but they thought my story was honestly very good and that I should continue writing and being awesome! That is not verbatim, but as a younger writer at the time, this really warmed my heart and made me feel better about my writing and myself in general. I saved the comment in my screen shots so I can look back on it when I feel down on myself. But in terms of comments, I always like the ones where people tell me how it made them feel, or how certain characters come across, or the accuracy of medical illness and or disabilities. These all tell me that I am doing a good job in my writing. 💕What is your favorite fic that you've written?

I don't know if I have a top favorite. There are several that I would label as a favorite. If I think back to the earliest stuff I wrote on ao3, "There For You" and "No Such Thing As Normal" for The Umbrella Academy fandom are still some of my favorites because I can still re read them and laugh at them. My Snowpiercer story titled "New Home" is my longest one shot to date, but I really enjoyed writing it too. And then I have my story "Taken" for the Ouran Highschool Host Club (OHSHC) fandom, which is still ongoing--this story came from a dream, it is dark but I enjoy it (And I really should update it....hehe....). Most of my Newsies stories I've also enjoyed writing. "A Sleepwalking Spider" for the Avatar fandom was fun to write. And with my current WIPs, I am enjoying "Path of the Lost Men" for the Avatar fandom (although the last chapter is giving me some issues) and some other Avatar related WIPs that have not been posted yet. There are other WIPs for different fandoms (Encanto and Total Drama Island) that I would label as favorites because I love the storyline/story idea) and I really should finish them so I can post them... 🎨If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see? Hmm...well, I would love to see a scene from my story "There For You" for TUA, where Klaus, Diego and Five are sitting outside a diner and Five ends up falling asleep after the adrenaline rush calms down and someone comes along to take their photo and then emails this to them. Or maybe one of the scenes in Path of the Lost Men, where Mansk is sitting with Lortireu, watching Ralu dancing, or the scene of Lyle at the end of the adoption ceremony where he is full on sobbing. Or either one of the scenes where they are visiting the other Recoms with the Tree of Souls--I get a lot of cool visuals with that when I think on it.

[demonscantgothere]

This is really so random and just a simple message dropping by in your inbox but I just want to say thank you for writing haladriel/saurondriel fanfics. Your words are so beautiful and your stories have put a big smile on my face, and they somewhat have become a kind of comfort to me. Not to mention that your fics are very reread-worthy. So yeah, thank you!

I think there might be tears in my eyes right now. You don't mean that! Okay, maybe you do. I think I've said this before, but writing is my lifeblood. It's my passion. It's my reason for being. If I have a purpose in this world, it's to sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. Sometimes it's pretty and happy, and sometimes it's an everlasting pain. My brain goes to places I'm sure some people are horrified by, but I am oddly proud of that. I studied psychology, so I put a lot of that into my writing and explore human dynamics through that lens—light, dark, bonding, trauma. I want to write it all and share a perspective that readers may have never even considered before.

So, honestly, to hear that it comes through and really impacts someone as a reader? There's no better feedback you could hear as a writer. And that you go back and re-read them? Oh my God! You know, I get this question in my inbox a lot about where people can read my fics, so I've just gone ahead and put a link to my AO3 account in my blog description. Honestly, I get scared linking my fic because sometimes my fics can go to dark places and people can be judgy, but the things I write, I write for a reason and I always make sure there's a purpose and that it's written and conveyed properly, even if it's something dark and unsettling.

My flight got cancelled due to bad weather, and I missed something very important today because of it, but you just made my day 100x times better with your amazing feedback. Thank you.

[pebblysand]

🎉⏳!

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

wow. what a difficult and interesting one. thanks for asking! i think, for me, ultimately, i'll consider a fic a success if i can re-read it a year down the line and without cringing. that's my standard. it might sound pretty low, but if a year later i'm like, 'yeah, this makes sense and i like it/would read it,' then that's a huge success in my book. i get very critical of my own work sometimes, so to me, that's very valuable.

i know a lot of people might base their measure of success on some sort of metric (kudos, hits, etc.) but as i said on the pod a few weeks ago, being someone who started writing in really small fandoms where getting just one comment is already a huge win, i find it very hard to measure fic metrics on HP, because what others might perceive as "bad" or "not enough" already feels very huge to me. i will always remember when castles got twenty subs or something and i saw that and was super baffled, thought to myself: wow, that's more people than i could fit in my flat if we all wanted to have a party. i also think the fics that i like best are not necessarily the ones that get the most attention (hinny, for example, is mathematically more mainstream than, say, deamus or bill/fleur, so my hinny fics will always get more attention, regardless of their quality) so ultimately, metrics aren't something i pay attention to much. if i did, i suppose i'd be writing dramione soulmates au-s to appeal to the people, not super niche content about seamus finnigan haha.

i'm aware that it may sound a tad self-centered to only base my assessment of my success on my own feelings, for which i apologise, but i feel like the metrics i'm given aren't ones i feel are particularly relevant to anything. though, i will say, i did randomly notice recently that castles actually ranks quite high on the sub-genre of post-war, canon-compliant fics on ao3 in terms of kudos and bookmarks (just checked again, 26th for kudos, and 13th for bookmarks), which did make me quite happy. not life-changing happy, but it was a nice thing to find out, you know?

lastly, i think something that i also consider a success is if i get any comments where people tell me they liked it, or why they did. more specifically, if you've read my fics, you'll know that my work touches on a lot of very sensitive topics, such as ptsd, sexual assault, etc. when i get positive comments about these things, or sometimes very personal messages from people telling me writing about these things helped them cope with/understand their own realities better, that's honestly more than i could ever hope for. i can't even find words to describe that feeling. it's not success, it's something better. connecting with people and making people feel things is the reason why a lot of us write (certainly why i write), and when it works? it's the best feeling in the world.

but, tldr: i guess my measure of success is more based on subjective elements (e.g. my own assessment or individual comments from people telling they related to my stories) than any objective metric.

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

this is hard to answer at the moment, but i'm hoping i'll have better data in a while as i've just recently started tracking my writing time to assess this more precisely. for anything in the 3,000/4,000 words range (or lower), you can generally assume i probably wrote those over a weekend, so maybe, idk, 12 hours? i tend to edit one-shots less than i do chapters/longer works, so even for longer one-shots like slipped, we're probably looking at maybe 20/30 hours?

for castles chapters (or something substantial like the fault in faulty manufacturing which is a one-shot, but over 27k) i would say, writing time itself is probably somewhere between 50 and 100 hours, depending on how much writer's block i get, lol. then editing, probably another hundred? so like, probably between 150 and 250 hours total. so, between 4 and 7 weeks at 40 hours a week, if this was my full-time job, which it's not.

is it worth it? honestly i don't know. is my content better than that of someone who doesn't even spend half this time? i also don't know. whenever i think about it, it makes me a bit depressed haha. but it is the way i function lol :/

thanks again for the questions ❤️. these are lovely

(and for everyone else who sent some in, i'll do them tomorrow and queue them up for the next few days 🥰)

[sinnaea]

Oh my gosh, I love your writing so much I spent last night and this morning glued to your Ao3!!!! Your Wesker portrayal gives me so much joy everything just feels so correct and you're making my brain so happy, thank you. I wish I could put this more eloquently in hopes that it would further motivate you!

Do you have any advice for people who aren't as confident in their writing? Any things you've done over your time that has helped you improve? Anything from structure to characterisation to just the process of having an idea, I'd love to know!

Thank you so much

- shy anon

You have no idea how much your message made me happy. Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading my fics! I'm so glad you liked my portrayal of Wesker. I love him so much and it's always great to connect with more Wesker enjoyers!

Honestly, no one has ever asked me to give them advice on writing before but I hope I can still help somehow. I was kind of in the same boat where I wasn't confident in sharing my fics publicly. Until I let a couple of my friends read what I had and they encouraged me to post it on AO3 which has led me up to this point :)

I think the best way to improve your writing is to just keep doing it! Even if you don't share it publicly. Nothing will ever be perfect the first time around. Sometimes I look back at my old works and I want to rewrite them. Someday I will, but I'd rather keep moving forward with different ideas instead of rewriting old ones. Writing fanfiction has always been just for fun for me. I try not to think too much about what others will think as long as it feels right to me. I know that's kind of a cliche thing to say but it's true. If people like my work, cool. If not, they can just move on.

Interacting with other creatives in the RE fandom has definitely inspired me create on my own. I mostly love to look at artists and their works as it helps me visualize scenes in my head better. I like to read other fics as well even outside the fandom if I need inspiration for a certain theme. Then, I just let the ideas come to me and I try not to force myself to create something right away. But as soon as I get an idea no matter how small, I write it down immediately then flush it out later when I feel like I have enough of a spark to expand on it.

I'm not sure what else to say. I feel like I've rambled on a bit lol. But I really do hope that helps. Thank you so much for your kind words again. Feel free to ask me anything else! And I hope you do start to write fics on your own 💜

[thedamageofherdays]

This week's (16-08-2021 - 22-08-2021) reading log is here. This week's reading log is super duper long and filled with lots of good things (my apologies for the long post, I really could not find a good spot to do a read more). I discovered some new favourites and re-read some old favourites and while I had an intense week personally at least the fics I read were absolutely phenomenal. I do recommend checking out the warnings as some fics are a bit heavier/angstier and you might wanna be prepared. Most of these fics are Stucky but there are a couple of other ships in between.

If you are looking for more fun and/or good things make sure to check out the @marveldisabilitycelebration as well to see all the awesome art, fics, meta, etcetera people created! And while I am mentioning events I am a mod for let me also just quickly mention that sign-ups for the @stuckygiftexchange are still open until the end of the month <3

Favourites are marked with a 🌻 Fics that are only available to AO3 users are marked with a 🔒 and Tumblr fics are marked with a 🍀

🌻 The Bends by dreamsinthewitchouse @dreamsinthewitchouse [Danbeau, side Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

Memory is not a house you can just walk back into after finding the key you thought you’d lost. It’s a thing you wade into and out of, rewriting it as it rewrites you.

It’s not without its rewards, either - recovering a memory about Maria and Monica, about her life, feels better than socking a thousand bad guys in the face, better than all the photon blasts in the world.

Then again, realising there’s still memories she can’t access, even after all this time, feels like drowning in space.

Not the one out there - the one inside her.

🌻 Sweet & Salty by musette22 @musette22 [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]

Idiots in love. That's it. That's the fic.

When life gives you lemons by moonythejedi394 @moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 34k words, Explicit] (11/15 chapters)

Or 13 Terrible Things to Do With Lemons Other Than Making Lemonade

Steve Rogers is a home health nurse. He works for an agency, which assigned him to the aging Winifred Barnes, the one and only Silent Era Hollywood darling. As her needs increased, she requested the agency assign Steve to her full-time. She could pay for it, so she got it. Steve then moved in with her, becoming her caregiver; he cooked, he cleaned, he managed her medications, he made sure she was comfortable.

Winifred's children treated him less than ideally. He was the help, after all. And then Steve had the audacity to go and turn out to be eldest son James Barnes's soulmate. No one saw that coming.

🍀 SamRhodey Tumblr Fic by ipoiledi [SamRhodey, ? words, Teen?]

“Wilson, this is Rhodey; Rhodey, Wilson,” Tony Stark says, and suddenly some six foot tall sexy guy is shoved right in front of Sam, and they both stumble a little, bumping into each other. This is a crowded party. “You guys have things in common, right?” Stark asks. “Uh, Army stuff. Talk about that. I hate wallflowers; stop wallflowering and talk to each other.”

Shorteralls by moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 6k words, Explicit]

The first time Bucky ever saw Steve Rogers, he was struck by how Neanderthal-like his response was. It was immediately followed by a bout of mental scolding. The second time was just about the same. The third time, it was actually appropriate for Bucky to start a conversation with him, at which point he was determined to be the gentleman.

No such luck. Steve Rogers is, always has been and always will be, a relentless flirt. These days, Bucky's Neanderthal-ist feelings about Steve are consensual and highly appreciated. More so now that they're having a baby.

what the fuck are perfect places anyway by tigerlilycorinne [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

Steve clears his throat and stands. “Well, I should head in. I might want to begin packing.”

Bucky stills. “You won’t,” he says, trying to sound commanding. It only comes out uncertain. “Don’t.”

Steve shakes his head. “Maybe not tonight,” he says, and Bucky knows they’ll be discussing this again soon.

“Then stay. Play… play cards with me or something.”

Steve’s eyebrows jump up, his mouth tugging up in another of his bemused smiles that do things to Bucky’s insides, but he drops his hand from the doorway and steps back into Bucky’s room. Somehow, Bucky feels as if he’s won—not the war, just the battle.

Steve won’t stay forever. But he’ll stay for cards.

Steve and Bucky, on the run after Civil War (with a few alterations to canon), are laying low in Wakanda. But they can’t stay there forever.

🌻 honestly thought i’d be dead by now, but what you can trust is that i need your touch by moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 105k words, Explicit]

Bucky is 37 years old; he’s unmarried, hasn’t had a Sub of his own, is definitely not ripped, comfortable at his job as an Advanced Practice RN at Brooklyn General ER, and just got his Five Years coin from AA.

Steve is 26 years old; he’s unmarried, his last and only Dom has Alzheimer's, he's worryingly muscular, uncomfortable in his job as the government’s poster Alpha for masculinity and strength, and worries more than he should about his BMI.

Unfortunately, Steve and Bucky meet initially in a not-cute moment. Bucky’s tired as shit thanks to the sudden alien invasion that shook New York and Steve is tired as shit because he hasn’t slept more than 20 minutes at a time in – well, since 1936, probably. Bucky’s Alpha instincts get irritated at the sudden presence of another "Alpha" into his territory and Steve’s suppressed submissive tendencies latch onto this grumpy bachelor Alpha and he only suppresses it further.

Bucky’s grumpiness and Steve’s duckling impressionism aside, both of them are a mess. But since both of them are a mess? Their messes seem to fit pretty well together.

Deep Sea Diving by Aida Ronan [Stucky, 5k words, Explicit]

Steve's wallowing in heat-related misery under a shade tree in Central Park when a man walks by in bright red booty shorts and a crop top. RIP Steve Rogers. It was nice knowing you.

honey, make this easy by steebadore [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]

Bucky likes the way he looks. His silk button up with the tiny gold polka dots feels soft on his skin and is tailored perfectly; no pulling at his chest or belly. His hair falls in shiny dark waves and his skin is smooth and dewy. He looks expensive. He looks taken care of. He looks like Steve’s.

🌻 let's take it back to the start by howdoyousleep @howdoyousleep3 [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

How it all began.

This sleepwalking through my life. by barthelme [Stucky, 1k words, Explicit]

The internet is an interesting place and when Bucky came home (or, when he came to live with Steve), Steve did a lot of research. Apparently, it’s not safe to wake a sleepwalker. He assumes that waking a sleepwalker with traumatic dreams and PTSD is beyond just being frowned upon.

And he tells himself--has told himself--that this is safer for Bucky. That if he were to stop him and wake him up, that Bucky would be mortified to be slurping on his best friend’s cock. That all of the improvements he’s made would be lost, would be repressed, would be just--

They’d be back at square one.

So he lets Bucky do it.

🌻 the way i've been craving by howdoyousleep [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

"Lunch break at 12:30. My office. Hope you’re hungry…"

It’s the ellipsis that sends Bucky’s insides swimming warmly, his heart beating twice as fast against his ribs where he sits in class. Senator Rogers is concise, direct, to the point. Without an ellipsis this is lunch, this is a meeting. With it though?

This is a booty call.

nasty but classy by howdoyousleep [Stucky, 4k words, Explicit]

“No, you don’t have to know the purpose, that doesn’t matter. Nat showed me this challenge where couples drink a lot of wine and get drunk together but they can’t touch each other. And whoever touches the other first has to...has to give the other head.”

🌻 Put It on Repeat, It Stays the Same by giselleslash [Stucky, 20k words, Explicit]

Steve and Bucky have a one night stand that turns into a friends with benefits situation. A weekend snowed in at Bucky’s apartment brings to light how much that really doesn’t suit either one of them.

Greetings to the New Brunette by victoria_p (musesfool) [Stucky, 10k words, General]

"You said he should have a hobby. That it would help."

"I meant, like, knitting or coin collecting. Motocross, if he was feeling antsy. A baby's not a hobby. It's lifetime commitment."

🌻 Rogers & Barnes: Partners by triedunture [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

Steve and Bucky have to pose as a couple for a mission. Nat insists it really is the only option. She's checked.

The complication: unbeknownst to even Natasha, Steve and Bucky's friendship has been rocky ever since Bucky confessed his tender feelings and Steve left him out in the cold. Can asexual, completely-in-love-with-his-angry-best-friend Steve complete the mission and win Bucky's heart?

(The answer is yes. Yay!)

this will be our year (took a long time to come) by biblionerd07 [Stucky, 4k words, General]

Bucky's therapist is worried he's using Steve as a crutch and wants him to try going on outings without Steve. It wouldn't be terrible, honestly, if Bucky could just manage to open his mouth and say something to Steve.

I'll hold my breath by Little_Lottie (tfwatson) [Stucky, 8k words, Mature]

Sometimes Bucky’s hands flex in Steve's direction. Neither of them knows exactly why, but at least one of them has a hunch.

Bucky touches everything but Steve, even though Steve is all he really wants to touch.

Start from the Beginning by Mumble_Bee [Stucky, 13k words, Explicit]

What about a sex pollen fic where the pollen-ed one doesn’t remember getting hit in the face with a sex flower, and wakes up midway through the depollenating?

Or: the one where Steve wakes up on his back with a stranger buried balls-deep in his ass.

Match by emphasisonem [Stucky, 4k words, Mature]

The situation’s actually kind of funny from the right perspective, Bucky thinks as he reads the message for what feels like the hundredth time. He’s finally matched with a hot, funny guy. Tall and broad and clean cut. An absolutely breathtaking smile. Bucky’s walking wet dream. And he’s good. They haven’t messaged on the app, but Bucky already knows him.

He knows him because Steve Rogers is an art history professor at his university. His art history professor.

Best friends and married since childhood by StuckySituation [Stucky, 1k words, General]

Inspired by @/peterssquill's post in tumblr: "bucky and steve got married on the playground when they were like eight and though neither of them would ever admit it to anyone, even each other, they still consider it official"

~♥~ ♥~ ♥~

“Natasha, stop trying to set me up with every woman you meet, I’m-”

“Too shy? Too scared?”

“No, I’m-”

“Too busy? You’re mostly retired these days, not a good excuse anymore.” Natasha smirks and then drawls: “Or just too gay?”

Steve flushes at that, even if isn’t true -- he’s bisexual, not gay. “Let it go, Nat, I’m not looking for anything. I’m already married, for fuck’s sake.”

Clearly not what she expected. “What.”

Steve grimaces. He didn’t mean to tell anyone that, ever.

“Sorry, can’t talk about it right now!” he says and jumps out of the plane.

Nobody Should Be Alone on a Holiday by emphasisonem [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

“So, um-” Bucky begins speaking again, pulling Steve from his less-than-work-appropriate thoughts. The brunet has shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark slacks, and he’s shifting from one foot to the other as he smiles shyly. “I have a question for you.”

“Shoot,” Steve grins, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his broad chest. Bucky swallows deeply as one of his hands comes up to pull at the collar of his button-up, and Steve can’t help following the motion of his Adam’s apple.

“I was, uh-” Bucky continues- “That is, I heard you don’t have Thanksgiving plans?”

In which Bucky finds out that Steve's going to be alone on Thanksgiving and invites his coworker to spend the holiday with him.

🌻 It's Been A Long Season Through by thiccbuckybarnes @thiccbuckybarnesfic [Stucky, 49k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes is in desperate need of a change in scenery, which is why he makes the foolhardy decision to quit his job, leave his asshole of a fiance, pack up his life, and move to his grandfather’s old farm all within a single day.

He expects confusion, hardship, and maybe even failure. But love? He wasn’t expecting that.

--

Or, a Stucky Stardew Valley AU that nobody but me wanted and that’s ok.

oh, peach pit, where'd the hours go? by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 10k words, Explicit]

Can't see the forest for the trees.

--

Or, Steve learns that just because he and Bucky got their happily ever after, it doesn’t mean the past won’t come back to bite them.

I'll find my way by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 725 words, Teen]

Steve had watched Bucky fall, and nothing had been the same since.

AU-gust day 19: Daemons

special delivery by glim @glim [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

It's not that Steve's bad at taking care of himself when he gets sick; he just wishes he didn't have to all the time.

At least he can order most of what he needs online. That's some small comfort, that he can have soup and ice cream and everything else brought to his door.

at first chance i'd take the bed warmed by the body by spacebuck @spacebuck [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]

This close, Steve can see exactly how beautiful his hands are. He’s never really noticed before, or at least he’s never really had a reason to notice, but the man’s hands are large, tanned like he works outside all day. There’s an endearing callus on the heel of one of his palms, and Steve can’t quite work out when calluses became endearing.

Steve pauses the video. Swallows hard. Casts his eyes around for anything that’ll keep his mind off the hands on his screen, off the words inked into those hands, the delicate shape of a bird’s wing, the curling edge of a vine.

He looks down. The name of the channel is right there, blaring the man’s name right into Steve’s brain until it feels like he’s known it all along.

Bucky Barnes.

OR: the one where Bucky's a youtuber who solves puzzles on camera, and steve's smitten and horny

🌻 Rock On! by millesable @marvelousescapism [Clintasha, 700 words, General]

“Hey, Romanoff!”

He lifted his hand, index finger and pinky finger raised, thumb out, all other fingers tucked. Their secret sign; their confession for the world to see, safe in the knowledge that the world wasn’t listening.

“Rock on!”

🌻 You Like the Way I Look by dontcallmebree @iamthe-wo-manwhocan [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]

Bucky sidles up to him, hand boldly coming to rest on his chest. “What about you, big guy? Care for a dance?” Steve watches Bucky’s eyes twinkle with satisfaction, somehow already knowing he’s got Steve on the hook.

A decade out of the ice, Steve Rogers returns to New York. Reeling from a battle against the Chitauri, a night with the troublesome Bucky Barnes might be just what he needs.

Join the Rebellion by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 765 words, Teen]

Bucky knew he shouldn't be out after curfew, but he couldn't resist the urge. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew it was where he wanted to be.

AU-gust day 20: Dystopia

🔒 Five Days in December by mywingsareonwheels @mywingsareonwheels [Evanstan, 4k words, Teen]

“Shit shit shit shit...” muttered Chris to himself, glad that the sound of piped Christmas carols was drowning out his swearing amid the picture books. Most of the store was heaving even though it was Sunday, he’d been recognised at least three times, finding presents for all of his nieces and nephews was proving far more of a headache than expected, and he’d just sent a pile of copies of "Strictly No Elephants" tumbling off the bookshelf.

He scrambled about trying to pick them all up, and then dropped them again as someone bumped right into his backside. He lost his balance, caught himself against a bookcase, and a landslide of "Carter Is a Painter’s Cat" joined "Strictly No Elephants" on the floor. He yelped.

“Ah fuck, I’m so sorry… Chris!”

* * * * * * * * * *

London, December 2021. Amid cats, books, and the cold English drizzle, Chris finds everything he was hoping for and thought he would never have.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Reaching for Fire by dixons_mama @dixons-mama [Stucky, 7k words, Explicit]

Bucky has always felt a fire in his heart (and other body parts) when it came to his boss, Steve Rogers, but he's made sure to never feed those flames. When he finds out about Steve's second job, though, he's tempted to let that fire out.

i've been dreaming of a face like yours by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

Bucky is about to busy himself with making a small dinner for himself when he stops in his tracks at the figure drinking a cup of coffee in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and smirking at him.

It’s Steve.

“Surprise, sweet boy,” he says before setting his cup down.

--

Or, PWP reunion sex

🌻 Somewhere, Under Your Skin by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 16k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes treats himself to a one-night stand after having a very bad no good day.

The sex is good--great, even. Might be the best sex of his life.

But Bucky wouldn’t have slept with the guy if he had known that he was going to continuously run into him every day for the next fucking month.

--

Or, a Big Grump Bucky has a hot one night stand with a college kid who is popping up everywhere in his everyday life and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

(Written for HYBB Bingo Square: Grumpy Bucky)

i've played heartstrings before but not in your key by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 11k words, Explicit]

He glances down, seeing a folded couple of papers, before peering up at Bucky. The older man is biting his bottom lip, making it pretty and red. Steve wants to run his tongue across where his teeth are digging into his flesh.

"What's this?" Steve asks, setting his phone down, emails forgotten. Bucky shrugs and looks away.

"I dunno. You tell me, genius," he says, sounding bratty enough that it makes Steve's dick twitch in his pants. Jesus, there has to be something wrong with him.

Steve glances once more at Bucky, who now has his arms crossed against his chest and is pointedly not looking at Steve, before picking up the stack of folded papers. He opens them, seeing a collection of maybe five or six sheets of paper. His eyes immediately land on the list of familiar words with negative next to each one. -- Or, Steve Rogers is a jealous, possessive little shit that wants nothing more than to mark up his boyfriend and stake his claim. And Bucky knows it. (And he likes it.)

🌻 I'm Home (With You) by BonkyBornes @padfoot-and-the-marauders [Stucky, 2k words, General]

In any other circumstance, the apartment would've been perfect. But it was today, and the fact that he was here meant he wasn’t out searching. He knew they hadn’t had any leads for weeks and he knew Natasha was right; all three of them were exhausted and a break would do them good. It just felt wrong to Steve that he was comfortable while Bucky was still out there—somewhere. Probably cold. Probably hungry.

The knock came again. Sighing, Steve unwrapped his hand from the dog tags and remembered how to move. Cold wind and snow greeted him when he opened the door. The solitary figure was walking down the steps, collar popped against the chill.

“Did you need something?” he called.

The person stopped. They were still. And then they turned. *

Or, the Christmas Steve deserved after Winter Soldier.

The portrait by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 915 words, General]

Steve Rogers has a Gift. He can help people find their soulmates, all he needs is some art supplies, a quiet place, and eye contact.

AU-gust day 21: soulmates

Maybe A Muse by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 2k words, Mature]

When Bucky Barnes needs extra money, he’s appalled that his best friends think he should become a model for the art department on campus. Shy, nerdy, and socially awkward, he’s not sure that’s something he feels comfortable doing. Still, he needs money, and he likes the idea of becoming someone’s muse. The problem is he had no idea two things would happen. First, one of the students in the class is exactly his type; second, he has to model nude.

[itsclydebitches]

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader���s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

[mahoutoons]

A Best Friend's Secret

Fandom: Sailor Moon

Relationship: Naru Osaka and Usagi Tsukino

Words: 1,535

Summary: Naru Osaka was Usagi Tsukino's childhood friend. They did everything together. But lately, they seem to have grown apart. Naru knows that Usagi belongs to a different world than hers. She knows she can't be a part of it but she just wants to help her best friend.

A/N: Oh geez, how long has it been since I've posted a fanfic. It seems I've lost my motivation over the past year.

Anyways, I've been rewatching the Sailor Moon 90s anime as well as re reading the manga and I have a lot of thoughts about Naru Osaka. I think she's quite underrated and its a shame how she was slowly phased out in both the anime and the manga. She was Usagi's best friend before she became Sailor Moon. Also I can't stop thinking about how its implied that she may know that Usagi is Sailor Moon. She at least knows that there's something going on with Usagi.

This fic takes place in the manga canon. The first part takes place during Act 18, in that scene where Naru tries to cheer up Usagi by taking her to the AV room. The second part takes place during Act 52. Naru is shown in one panel having lunch with Usagi, Haruka, and Michiru and that's her only appearence in the Stars arc. The third part takes place in the future, after Usagi is crowned Neo Queen Serenity. I like to think that Naru had a place in Neo Queen Serenity's court for always being there for her when she was Usagi Tsukino.

AO3 link

Naru knew that Usagi had been acting differently. She hadn’t been as cheerful and always seemed to be worrying about something. Whenever Naru offered to walk home with Usagi, or watch a movie together, she always declined, saying this was busy. Naru knew that something was up, it had to be. Usagi usually had more free time on her hands - even if there was homework the next day, or a test coming up, Usagi couldn’t resist the urge to get some ice cream or watch a movie. But now, it seemed she had no time. It couldn’t be that she suddenly decided to get serious about her studies. No, there was something else going on - something larger than life itself. Naru could sense it, Usagi was her best friend after all.

She saw Usagi standing by the window, seemingly worried about something. Her two friends, Ami and Makoto, hadn’t come to school for quite a while now. Naru decided that Usagi needed some cheering up.

“Usagi”, she hugged her from behind. “Come on, its lunch time. Lets go to the AV room and watch a video while we eat. I got a really good one.”

Usagi just went along with her. Umino got out a tape, he said he had the hardest time getting it. It was about channeling. Usagi had never heard of it. Umino explained, channeling was when someone from another dimension or another plane sends a message through a channeler. He put on the video, and the trio sat back and watched. A woman was on the TV. She had light brown hair tied in a bun with a golden ribbon, brown eyes, and was wearing a golden sleeveless top along with a red skirt. She also wore black earrings - something about them seemed strange. She was introduced as the world famous channeler, Miss Calaveras. She sat on a chair, eyes closed, and with a strange aura around her. When she spoke, a male voice came out of her mouth. It claimed to belong to Rubeus of the Black Moon. As soon as those words were uttered, Usagi froze in place. Rubeus claimed to guide the people of the Earth along the right path.

“What is this?” Usagi said out loud. “They’re lying! They are the enemy!”

Umino tried to calm her down, saying that the ones who send these messages don’t normally have physical bodies. But Usagi ran out of the room.

“I figured a long time ago… that there’s something about Usagi that makes her different” Naru thought to herself. “There’s another world she belongs to, one that I’ll never be a part of. But I still wish I could help her… Usagi…”

Naru tried to think back to when Usagi started acting differently. She remembered she’d gotten attacked by that monster that took her mother’s place that day. And then someone had come to save her…. someone calling herself Sailor Moon….. someone who looked and sounded a lot like Usagi.

Could Usagi be Sailor Moon? Is that why she was acting so distant lately? Is that why she seemed worried a lot of the time?

Naru knew that strange things had been happening around Tokyo. There were reports of UFO sightings. Could they have something to do with Sailor Moon?

Naru knew one thing. Whether Usagi was Sailor Moon or not, she lived in a different world. Naru feared this was the beginning of the growing distance between her and Usagi.

***

Two years passed. Naru was now in high school. She was doing as well as ever in academics. She, Yumiko, and Kuri had grown closer. By now, the distance between Naru and Usagi had grown. Usagi no longer spoke to her beyond a simple “hi”. She was always seen with four girls - Ami Mizuno, Rei Hino, Makoto Kino, and Minako Aino. Rei wasn’t in the same school as them. She was attending T. A Girls Private Academy. How Usagi had gotten close to her was beyond Naru. But Rei was pretty, with her sleek black hair, her deep purple eyes, and her mysterious mannerisms. Naru knew that Usagi always had a thing for mysterious girls. She was sometimes seen with two other girls as well, Haruka Tenoh and Michiru Kaioh. They were famous in their school for their elegant nature. Naru wondered how Usagi got to know them.

“Hey Usagi,” Naru said one day. “Do you want to have lunch together?”

“Oh, sure Naru-chan,” Usagi replied. “I’ll invite Haruka-san and Michiru-san too. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, I’d love to get to know them,” Naru replied.

So that day, she sat together with Usagi, Haruka, and Michiru for lunch. Usagi introduced Haruka and Michiru to her. They got on well. But Naru noticed Usagi seemed to talk more to Haruka and Michiru than to her. Once, off handedly, she mentioned someone called Galaxia.

“Galaxia?” Naru asked. “Who’s that?”

Usagi immediately caught herself.

“Ah, no one,” said Usagi. “No one for you to worry about.”

Naru knew Usagi was lying. There was definitely something. And besides, she noticed that Ami and Makoto had not shown up at school that day. Maybe they were sick, or maybe something else happened to them.

Naru decided that she would talk to Usagi about everything. She needed to put the turmoil in her heart at rest.

“Usagi, can we meet after school?" Naru asked. "There's something I want to talk about."

"Oh, sure, Naru-chan," Usagi replied.

The bell rang, indicating the end of school. Usagi and Naru walked together.

“What did you want to talk about, Naru-chan?” Usagi asked.

“Usagi, are you alright?” asked Naru.

“What? Of course I am.”

“No, are you really alright?”

“What do you mean?”

“Usagi, I debated on talking to you about this, but I know something is going on. Ami-san and Makoto-san haven’t shown up at school today. Did something happen to them?”

“Oh…. they’re sick in bed, ahahahaha.”

“Usagi, I’ve known for a while that you live in a different world, a world that I can’t be a part of.”

“Naru-chan, what are you talking about?”

Naru mustered up all her courage to ask this question.

“You’re Sailor Moon, aren’t you?”

Usagi’s expression suddenly changed. It was as if she was hit by a thunder bolt.

“Ah…. what are you talking about? There’s no way I can be Sailor Moon.”

“You look like her, sound like her… you have the exact same hairstyle.”

Usagi went quiet.

“How long have you known?” she asked.

“Two years. I remember the day Sailor Moon first appeared. I was attacked by a monster pretending to be my mother. And Sailor Moon came to save me. I knew she sounded familiar but I wasn’t sure then. But now, I think there’s no doubt about it.”

Usagi did not say anything. Her expression remained blank.

“Usagi, I don’t have powers like you or the other Sailor Guardians. I know I cannot fight enemies like you do. But if there’s anything you need to talk about, you can come to me. I’ll help you in any way I can. I know we don’t talk that much anymore but you’ve been my best friend from childhood. I still care about you. So please…”

“Naru-chan…”

Usagi leaned forward and hugged her. Naru held her shoulders. The remained like that for a while.

“So, this Galaxia you mentioned…” Naru began.

“She’s a new enemy. And more powerful than any enemy I’ve faced. She killed two of my fellow Sailor Guardians, Mercury and Jupiter… my precious friends.”

Tears fell out of Usagi’s eyes. She hugged Naru again. Naru just let her cry.

“It’ll be alright” Naru said. “You’ll get through this too. You’ve always defeated your enemies. You’ll defeat Galaxia too, whoever she is.”

Usagi wiped her tears.

“Thank you, Naru-chan” she said. “And, can you do me a favour?”

“Anything at all.”

“Please don’t tell anyone that I’m Sailor Moon. Keep my identity a secret.”

“I won’t tell a soul.”

“Thank you, Naru-chan. You’re the best friend ever.”

Usagi and Naru then went home, on their seperate ways. Naru felt relieved. The burden on her heart for two years had been lifted. She knew now that Usagi was indeed Sailor Moon. And she would not tell anyone about it. It was a best friend’s secret.

***

Usagi was crowned Neo Queen Serenity and would rule over Earth with her husband, King Endymion. The four Sailor Guardians would protect her and the Earth. But there was another important person at her coronation ceremony - Naru Osaka, her childhood friend. Naru had been given a special place at Neo Queen Serenity's Court for always being there for her. And as her childhood friend, she couldn't be more proud. She had stuck with her when she was clumsy, a crybaby, always late to school, and always got the worst grades. She had stuck with her when she revealed her identity as Sailor Moon and told her about the enemies she had to fight and her role to protect the Earth. She had stuck with her in all her good and bad times. There was no one else who deserved this honour better than Naru Osaka, the childhood friend of Neo Queen Serenity.