gaining-and-gaming

[memento-morri-writes]

Do you have any advice or specific tips to writing a low/no empathy character? Or a resource to recommend?

Hi nonny! Thanks for asking! I'm going to try my best to answer your question, but keep in mind, this is all based on my own personal experience, and that varies vastly from person to person. (if anyone else experiences low/no empathy, please feel free to add on to this post!)

So, some things to keep in mind:

Why does your character experience low/no empathy? For me, it's a symptom of my autism, but there are multiple reasons a character could have low/no empathy. The most common is probably going to be some form of disability (autism), or disorder (psychopathy), etc. (Be careful while doing research though, especially on disorders like psychopathy! You're going to run into a lot of ableist bullshit. Make sure to look for sources written by people living with these disorders/disabilities.) (If anyone has any resources on other disabilities or disorders that cause low empathy that they personally recommend, please feel free to add links!!!) Whatever the reason, it's not going to only affect their empathy. It's going to affect every part of their life. So make sure to do your research, and write respectfully. If you know someone or follow someone who has a certain condition, ask if they'd feel comfortable answering questions for you. If they aren't, that's fine. If they are, they're going to be a great resource. (I'd also recommend getting a sensitivity reader, particularly when writing about mental disorders that are already frequently stigmatized. You want to make sure you're not promoting harmful stereotypes.) I should note, however, that neurotypical people can also have low/no empathy!!! It just happens to also be a common symptom of various mental disorders.

Consider what kind of empathy does your character lack. There are two kinds of empathy! Emotional (or affective) empathy, and cognitive empathy. Affective empathy is made up of three parts: Feeling the same emotion as someone else, feeling discomfort or stress in response to someone else's suffering, and feeling compassion for or understanding another's emotions. Cognitive empathy is the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of someone else. This includes being to "stand in someone else's shoes", or take another person's perspective, and generally understand what they're feeling. This one has been called more of a "skill", in that it's something people can "learn", where as affective empathy can't be taught or learned. When people talk about having low/no empathy, they are usually referring to lacking affective empathy, but a character might struggle with both!

Not everyone experiences empathy the same. Some people lack empathy in some circumstances, but have it in others. For example, I lack empathy when it comes to human beings, but I am much more empathetic when it comes to animals. A character might only be able to empathize with very specific scenarios or people. (For example, if someone else is going through a very similar scenario to one they have experienced in the past, it may be easier for them to feel empathy. But it might not!) Some people can empathize with certain emotions better than others. (I empathize better with anger, but can't empathize at all with grief.)

Understand that a lack of empathy does not equal a lack of caring. Just because a person doesn't feel the emotions someone else is feeling doesn't mean they don't care. A person with low or no empathy can still be kind and compassionate to others. They might go about trying to cheer people up in a slightly different way (I personally tend to try and go for distractions), but they still care about their friends and loved ones. Even seemingly "uncaring" things said by those who lack empathy do not come from a place of malice. (I can't tell you how many times I've said something well-meaning and had people assume I was being cruel. I wasn't, and I genuinely had good intentions.)

Keep in mind how your character reacts to other's emotions. People with empathy tend to feel similarly to those they empathize with, which generally creates a feeling of connection. (This is part of what leads to that sense of "coming together after tragedy".) A person with low/no empathy might instead feel alienated or uncomfortable when faced with large outpourings of emotions. They might be uncertain how to act or what to do, and they may try and avoid situations with strong negative emotions because of it. (In my case, people crying makes me very uncomfortable, because I don't know how to respond. So I try and keep my distance.)

Think about how your character processes their own emotions. Just because a character doesn't feel empathy for others doesn't mean that they are incapable of feeling those emotions on their own. A character who has no empathy for a grieving friend can still grieve! But chances are they will process that emotion differently than a person with "normal" empathy. They might try to push their emotions away and bottle them up. Or one emotion might transition into one they have an easier time processing. (For me, I don't experience sadness normally. It either transitions to anger, or it is replaced by different thoughts.)

Think about how their lack of empathy influences their life. A person who lacks empathy is not going to experience life the same way as a person with "normal" empathy. They might have a hard time making friends, or they might excel at a job that requires a logical mind. They might give great advice, or their friends might know to never ask them about relationships. They might be great at organizing people, even in times of stress, because their brain compartmentalizes and thinks pragmatically. They might totally shut down when faced with an emotional situation because they don't know how to process it.

Having no empathy can be very alienating. People expect empathy constantly. It's a big part of why people love emotional media, and it's the expected response when someone you know experiences suffering. Not having empathy can mean that you feel disconnected from your loved ones or community as a whole. It might mean biting your tongue and not saying what you think because people would read it as uncaring or cruel.

Remember: Having low or no empathy is not a bad thing. People with low/no empathy are often villainized in media, and the trait is often given to antagonists. But that's a harmful stereotype and harmful belief in general. That's not saying that your character with low empathy has to be "good", but don't use their low empathy as proof that they're a "bad person". Try thinking about situations in which having low/no empathy might be useful! I personally am reminded of the post I saw years ago where someone was saying that if not for their lack of empathy, they probably couldn't do their job. (iirc, they worked handling the bodies of organ donors, some of whom were quite young.)

Okay, that's all I can think of for now, but like I said before, anyone else who experiences low or no empathy is encouraged to reblog this post and add on to it! And if I made any mistakes here, please let me know so I can fix them!!! I tried to base this mostly off of my own experience, so take it all with a grain of salt.

[ettawritesnstudies]

Aspec prompts part 2

because I can't find something like this and so I guess I have to make it myself. This is meant for characters on the aromantic or asexual spectrums (grey-ace, demi-ace, romance-favorable, etc.) who are in relationships but doesn't erase that part of their identity

Watching TV together and the ace one ruthlessly mocks the bad romance subplots or analyzes why the compelling ones work so well, their S/O mentally takes notes

The ace one cringing at kissing or sex scenes in movies or TV shows, their S/O gives them the remote so they can skip it. (They get a kiss for being so considerate) (jokes are made about double standards)

The extended family finds out the avowed spinster/bachelor cousin finally got a s/o and the gossip chain lights on fire. If this comes out at a family gathering, someone might faint. Interrogations ensue. Pictures are demanded to know if this person really exists.

People make comments about looks and whether or not s/o is attractive and they get incredibly defensive "no they're the most gorgeous person in the world how dare you" while also being befuddled because "the looks aren't the point they're beautiful because they're a lovely human being why are you all so shallow?"

S/o gets a new haircut or tries on a new outfit (or for an angsty version, gets some new scar or illness or something that makes them self conscious about their appearance) and asks ace partner how they look, ace responds with some combination of genuine aesthetic advice, flustered approval, or "you always look lovely to me" because the trappings don't change anything about their emotional connection.

Going from one "level" of intimacy (hand holding to hugging to kissing etc.) can take a LONG time. Like, "they were friends for three years before dating" and "they've been dating for over a year before they have their first kiss" long time. The slow burn to end all slow burns.

Allo S/O never pushing for physical intimacy, genuinely (but pleasantly) surprised if grey-ace or demi-ace partner is into it because it was never expected. Grey-ace partner is just as surprised as they are.

Ex: after dating for a year+ the grey-ace partner gets caught staring and gets all flustered, less because they got caught (they are dating after all) bit more because they were staring and it feels weird but nice but awkward but nice

S/O must meet the seal of approval from friends/siblings/trusted mentors, their advice is invaluable but also comes with a healthy degree of heckling.

Non physical forms of affection, you already know these but double down on them:

Quality time: dropping everything to meet each other for lunch, scheduling weekly date nights, parallel activities and sharing ideas, watching their favorite TV shows or reading their favorite books to share the fandom experience. Inflicting absolutely terrible memes at each other.

Gifts: getting trinkets while on vacation, memes at 1am, painstakingly hand making something for a birthday or anniversary, "I got you a coffee because you're stressed, I have your order memorized"

Acts of service: doing dishes or other cleaning for each other on bad days, researching solutions to problems, getting groceries, taking care of admin adulty bullshit so their partner can have a moment to relax.

Giving each other space for their projects. "I know you barely have any free time to work on this Thing you care a lot about so I'm going to make sure no one disturbs you today"

Words: leaving poetry or little notes around the house, praising each other for their accomplishments, "do you want me to kill [nemesis, asshole professor, etc.] for you?"

[golbrocklovely]

finally, after so long, here is my review of the conjuring series/hell week.

this is EXTREMELY LONG so strap in, grab a drink, and a snack. or, feel free to skip to the end to read my overall thoughts lol

like previous hell weeks, i'm gonna rate each episode and then answer whether or not i would rewatch the episode.

lmk what you guys thought !

episode one:

the obvious meat and potatoes of this whole video was satori and cody's method, which i'm just gonna refer to as The Method just bc it's easier to say then writing out their names over and over again lol

i'll be honest with you, i'm super glad that snc did their best to debunk the tapping and whatnot. i honestly think that if they hadn't tried, a lot of ppl wouldn't believe them at all or would think that either they're lying, or satori and cody are.

as for the answers that satori and cody gave… it's hard. bc on one hand i truly do believe in psychics and mediums. i myself have experienced readings or things i have done on my own. i have had a lot of things happen to me that just logically don't make sense. i do believe there are ppl that have the ability to talk to the dead. but part of me is weary of satori and cody. idk know them from a hole in the wall. they could have easily researched snc, and their past relatives, and just bullshitted the rest. same thing with their producer. it's not hard to look up someone's ancestry. i would like to believe that isn't the case, but you can't be too sure.

the debunking that snc tried did make a strong case for The Method, especially doing it in random locations that they didn't know about. but again… idk. part of me just felt like i was side-eying the whole time. and look, i want to believe that they have good intentions and they are genuinely contacting something. but again, ppl lie for far less.

but no matter if they were lying or not, i 100% believe snc's reaction to it. it was real for them, and that's all that really matters to me tbh.

i felt really bad for sam, or i guess happy for him but sad that he was crying so much. my theory with him has always been that even tho he has experienced attachments and heard things, seen things, all that jazz - i truly think for the longest time he never fully believed. i think he would rather chalk up a paranormal experience as a group psychosis before saying a place was haunted. but since that probably wouldn't bode well for either of them, he just agreed that what they experienced was "crazy" and moved on like nothing happened. also, i have this general feeling that he doesn't believe his own experiences, which is why he questions ppl like colby when he goes thru something, but i haven't really fleshed out why that could be the case. but i think this was his "come to jesus" moment, so to speak. i mean, he explained it himself that he honestly didn't think there was anything after this life. that once you died, you're gone. so this was both great and terrifying news to hear. not to mention, to hear it from your dead grandmother was definitely surprising for sure. i honestly hope this brought him some closure or comfort. bc i know i always felt really sad growing up that my grandparents, literally all of them, never got to see me graduate high school or college or perform on stage. but i always had a feeling that they watched me do all of that so it's nice to hear that for someone else, that was the case.

granted, The Method could just be bullshit to conjure up an emotional response for views and notoriety… but for now, i'm gonna just take it at face value. sure, it's real. i think what also makes me lean towards that is that cody and satori don't charge ppl for this. it only happens at the conjuring for the most part, so…. unless they start becoming a side-show circus act with a big ticket price, i'm just gonna take them at their word. plus, the random locations snc took them to, unless the boys are in on it (which opens up too many cans of worms), The Method wouldn't have been able to work in these spots or actually have satori and cody come up with real ppl that died there.

i will say tho, it was kinda funny that sam's having this emotional breakdown over hearing his grandmom telling him she's watching over him and his siblings, and then colby's getting his great grandfather coming thru to tell him to tell his parents that he's there lol like…. thanks dude i never met. appreciate the love and support.

overall this episode was fine. it wasn't my favorite of the series, but it wasn't a bad way to start the series. this episode did draw me in enough to want to see the rest, but i was also a little weary of what was to come.

(oh yeah i forgot to add that the new owner… something feels deeply off about her. like i can't put my finger on it, but if it comes out years down the line that she was bringing demons into the house or something, i will not be surprised lol)

rating: 3/5

would i rewatch: yeah i guess, but not fully

~~~~~~~~

episode two:

so going into this episode, i was a bit… not excited, since i knew amanda was going to be in the video. i've always had my reservations with her. mostly, i think she has abilities, i just think she talks them up to be something that they aren't. plus she has made some comments in past videos that just make me look at her sideways bc they don't make a lick of fucking sense (ie queen mary, she talked to a ghost that said he had lived other lives before this one, he was just stuck in this one for some reason, and she literally told snc she didn't believe that bc "reincarnation isn't in the bible" …..BRO, you talk to the dead. maybe not everything in a 2000+ year old book that's been translated 150+ times is gonna be accurate. also again, need i remind you, YOU TALK TO DEAD PPL). as for how i felt about her during this episode, she was fine, i guess. the only time she annoyed me was during the estes method where her and sam were just bouncing off one another in the worse way lol but i'll get more into that later.

i think it was really interesting that they interviewed andrea perron. they need to do that more often: find ppl that used to live in these places that they visit and get their story, instead of just listening to tour guides who amp up the scares just bc they need to. i thought her interview was really intriguing and i can only imagine how horrible it must have been to live in that house all the way back then. and to see your mother get thrown across the room?? idk what i would even do as a kid in that moment.

so the first part of the investigation was with amanda, snc, and cody and satori. (side note, i love that the touch toy for the ghost kids is a basset hound). i think this whole first part was kinda funny only bc in my most cynical mind, it's three fake mediums trying to one up each other the whole time lol

i don't fully believe that, but that's what my mind kept going back to.

i do find it odd that amanda couldn't see her past relatives but The Method was able to allow them to talk. idk, if i could see dead ppl, i think i would be a bit pissed if my loved ones were like "nah, i know you got the vision but i ain't showing myself in front of you". it also doesn't really help her case of what her abilities are or how strong they are if she can't even see ppl she actually once knew.

i also find it odd that all loved ones are apparently able to get across is "watching over __" bc both snc and now amanda got that message. again, to me, this just reads as like someone in this scenario is faking something. idk what, but i just remember laughing at this whole part bc it just felt funny to watch each one try to one up the other and then snc are just like :O the whole time.

and what made this top tier comedy to me was sam asking who wrote amanda's name, and them saying it was a spirit. i'm so sorry…. but you gotta be on fucking CRACK to think that happened. i believe in ghost, the paranormal, the whole enchilada………. but a ghost soldier wrote amanda's name in the sand???? no. sorry. that didn't happened. and you cannot tell me it did lmao

honestly in situations like this, i'm more incline to believe equipment than these, respectfully, quack jobs.

i thought it was sweet that colby kept being really nice to abigail and calling her the matriarch of the house. isn't he just a sweet boy lol

the second half of the day 2 was where i got more interested and into the video. the rempod going off constantly, the camera immediately dying, that little cabinet door opening, all of that in like five minutes is crazy. and then the estes method, while interesting, was also deeply annoying since sam and amanda decided to tag team and do the one thing i hate that they try to do during the estes method - connect everything while the words are still coming out. like CALM DOWN. connect later. it was freaky to see the rempod going off in time with their estes method tho.

the woods session was kinda cool. idk how i feel about the alice box yet. why does it only say some words but the others are just on the little text box? whatever i guess. gonna be honest, woods don't really scare me for paranormal reasons. i'm more inclined to believe i'm gonna get my ass eaten by a bear or stabbed by a human so it wasn't really all that creepy, but it was cool to see this half. and then to have snc sleep in the woods… props. but to be in the woods in august in hoodies was a choice i wouldn't make, personally.

day three josh and seth came and thank GOD there were ppl in this series/episode i actually liked that joined them. their half made the video a lot better. so they start off by doing the ritual, which honestly just felt more like (literally) dancing on someone's grave so…. idk about that one. a bit disrespectful if you ask me. colby literally did the ice spice on her grave… boy i would haunt your ass for eternity for that one lmao

hearing andrea perron speak of that fateful night of her mother being possessed, again, my heart breaks for her. whether you believe in the paranormal or not, something traumatic happened to her and her family. and i just feel for her.

so when they moved on into the investigation, i just gotta say, if they plan to use the spirit box, they NEED to invest in a microphone or a better speaker for that thing bc good god i couldn't hear a single thing that was coming thru. but moving past the spirit box, the door to the library just opening on it's own?? and the camera moving slightly?? that's nuts. bc it's one thing for a draft to open a door. you're talking about the middle of august tho. there's not gonna be strong winds (for the most part) during that time of the year unless it's storming. so if a draft blew the door open, it had to have been a HUGE one to literally push a rock out of the way. and it can't be ac bc then that door would be constantly opening.

when they separated, i get why they did, but like… why do you have to do it in the dark? i would be turning on flashlights or some form of light immediately. you're not about to catching me busting my ass on the stairs of a 300+ year old house lol

josh's sleeve moving was actually kinda freaky, ngl. i know it was very subtle, and technically could have just him moving his arm and then feeling the sleeve pull or relax or whatever, but to me… it looked like something pulled it.

then when snc went in alone, i find it funny to think of a spirit just running up and down the stairs, fucking with the rempod or the motion sensor, just to see them freak out. when sam invited whatever it was up to them, and then it got near the motion thing, and colby noped out of there and literally yelled at sam like "why did you invite it up here with us?!" ngl - favorite part of the whole video. also it was kinda cute that snc tried to do The Method on their own. kinda wish it would have worked for them.

colby doing the whole "imagine being andrea perron" speech he gave…. colby, can you not? also, are you good? lol

okay, so my overall thoughts on this episode - dragged in the beginning, but got good half way thru. they also got some really good evidence outside of The Method, which i would rather they not use every episode (but end up doing regardless).

rating: 3.5/5

would i rewatch: sure, but only the second half

~~~~~~~~

episode three

so the previous episode left off with sam going into the basement late at night, almost looking possessed or something. and while i obviously didn't think that, i did want to know why he would go down there alone for some reason.

but that's for a later point in this review. let's get to the collab they did.

larray and bella…….. omg, i'll just be completely honest: i hated this collab. like genuinely, it takes a lot for me to find ppl insufferable, but larray took the cake this time. bella was fine, she seemed nice and did her best. and i love that me and @xplrvibes literally said "oh i bet they're gonna try to say bella is an empath bc she's a girl bc they do that all the time" and WOULDN'T YOU BELIEVE IT 11 minutes in they asked if she was one. i'm just glad she said no lol but back to larray……. first off, that shirt was a choice. and i'll leave it at that. but secondly, i'm okay with ppl joking is scary situations. i'm okay with them having guests that hear them say something insane and then immediately go "yeah fuck no to that, i'm leaving" or some iteration of that joke. but, larray took it too far. i don't think he said anything else other than "i don't want to be here" ect. and i get he was scared, but GOD, SHUT UP. like i got it the first five times you said it, i don't need to hear it the next 24. it literally took for him to get a message from the beyond to get him to be quiet.

i'll be honest, i don't even want to review this half of the video bc it was SUCH a drag. i remember i wasn't even half way thru and i was like… oh you're joking, we're not done yet? bc that's how annoying that whole section was. it wasn't solely larray, but he definitely exacerbated the problem.

the ring of lights that ppl can cross over, idk about that. it feels like it's fake but whatever. bella having a separate phone just for content… i love that for her lol them going into the basement is cut short only for the fact that we KNOW sam went down there first and colby was none the wiser until like two days later. The Method being done for bella and larray was cool i guess. but then sam getting an extremely private message that he couldn't share, i get that. and i hope that whatever message he got was something he needed to hear (but the way he mouthed "oh no" makes me think otherwise). my only issue is why even use any of the footage from that then? i know it's a bit nitpicky, so i'm not gonna press on it too much.

to the fans on tiktok that were saying "omg what if the message was from corey la barrie"….. please seek professional help. this isn't a fanfic. stop thinking like it is. bc i saw MULTIPLE tiktoks saying that.

but continuing on with The Method, i'll be honest with you: i'm not sure what the afterlife is like or what it entails. but it is hard for me to just blindly accept that it's all good and light and love and whatever random other words satori and cody wanted to throw in there that abigail said. i know it's my cynical mind, but hearing shit like that just makes me roll my eyes. like i know that sounds dark and sad, but that whole thing just made me go like "okay… sure."

maybe it's bc it's too generic. like that's what every form of media has said about the other side for forever. if i was able to get my point across and reach a ton of ppl, i would be sending messages like "god is woman and she sucks at beer pong" or "ice cream is free up here but only on tuesdays" or "guess what? i'm hanging out with EVERYONE'S dogs" not just love and light. boooorrrrriiiinnngggg lol

but i will note something that i thought was interesting only bc i've always had a similar thought process: cody says he doesn't know why they're able to do what they do. he believes it might have had something to do with his cancer complications and dying once. and the reason why i can believe that is i've always had this belief - so, as someone who has attempted to end my own life twice, i've come very close to death. and i think ppl that knock on death's door, you can't just unknock. you can't ding dong ditch death. so i kinda feel like those that get very close to the other side cross a line that can't be uncrossed, so to speak. which i think is also why i had the most paranormal experiences when i was going through some dark times (or had just gone thru them).

what i find peculiar is how the narrative of the basement has changed. before it was dark and demented, something evil lurking around each corner, colby having a full blown panic attack down there. all that, right? but now it's "oh it's just a trickster spirit that likes to cause havoc and is for the most part harmless. and also really would rather you be in the woods." and yet even with that knowledge in mind, everyone was still too freaked out. like if they kept getting cryptic and weird messages i would just be like "find a different trick. you don't scare me" or eventually just leave the basement altogether if nothing was going to be happening besides "come to the woods" over and over again.

but bc snc never listen, they went to woods. and again… woods to me aren't scary for paranormal reasons. more so for bears or humans. but they did get some cool evidence at the graveyard.

i'm just gonna skip that whole thing and get to the part that i want, no - NEED, to talk about which is…. colby standing up for himself when sam told him about the basement.

i was genuinely confused as to why snc weren't mentioning sam going into the basement. like i figured, sam went down there, something happened, and then he told colby. or something to that effect. but to find out that a) he had no real plans of posting this into the vid and b) he waited like two days to finally tell colby it happened…. that's really fucked, ngl. the absolute hurt that was on colby's face is so evident, no wonder sam started backpedaling (but just made it all the more worse). like colby has made it abundantly clear time and time again that he doesn't like being left in the dark about where someone is going/doesn't like being left behind and sam did exactly that. not only that, but he then did something that both him and colby swore they would do together - go to the basement. everyone was waiting to see them go together and experience whatever's down there, but sam took that for himself - like colby said. and then sam tried to justify it with "oh nothing really happened, plus we don't have to show fans, plus i really needed to do it bc everything has been so crazy" and it's like………. WHO DO YOU THINK HAS BEEN ON THIS JOURNEY WITH YOU???? it's colby. while colby might have had some form of belief system before all of this, this whole situation has been insane to him as well. so you don't get to use that as an excuse. and then to say that fans don't need to see this footage, that just feels wrong. bc at the end of the day, the person sam hurt was colby. and regardless of whether or not we would have known about it, colby still would have known. and that's the part that sucks. sam was extremely self-centered for making this decision and then thinking colby would just let it slide.

and i know some of you are gonna probably be up my ass about this opinion since god forbid i give criticism towards sam. but i would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed, especially if sam was upset about it. and god knows there wouldn't have been an argument about including those clips in a video, but i digress. i just think it was messed up of sam to do to that to colby. and i hope bts he apologized profusely.

but to be a bit more light hearted about it… colby looks really hot when he's angry or annoyed. so that's nice, i guess lol it's the clenched jaw and the narrowed eyes, in case you didn't know why you found it hot either. also, he was too calm, and that's hot AND scary lol

i think it's funny to think that if they didn't include sam going there by himself and then this confrontation, we would never know why in the next part colby seemed annoyed/angry and ppl probably would have just blamed the spirits or some shit.

which also did happen…

but to bring it back for a second, you know what the scariest part of this video was for me? the tick on colby's leg. GROSS. disgusting. i would have screamed so loud i'd wake the dead lmao

but anyway the estes methods they did in the basement were very revealing and honestly the best part of the episode imo. them realizing, or believing, that dave is actually the trickster spirit and not some soldier following them around was actually really cool to see unravel. and surprisingly this time around sam jumping to conclusion over and over again paid off well. and then when colby was asking the questions, it was interesting to see his reaction to what was being said. him being annoyed at sam before hand really elevated the estes method, funny enough.

maybe it's bc i don't know about trickster spirits and what they are meant to do or whatever, but if i know the spirit i'm talking to is fucking with me, i'm just not gonna talk to it anymore. i'm not gonna give it what it wants, which is to see me scared. and i think snc, without knowing it, were feeding into what dave wanted.

their equipment malfunctioning over and over again was crazy, ngl. but the actual scariest part of the whole vid was who the FUCK was that behind them in the basement coming up the steps??? fuck The Method, now THAT is proof of the other side existing, especially if snc were alone in that house at that point (which assumingly they were).

so this episode was a bit of rollercoaster for me. some parts were just plan bad to me. like i wouldn't even consider rewatching the first half again tbh. it was tedious to do it just to make this review, so that alone deducts this episode a bunch. but the second half, basically everything after The Method where larray and bella's loved ones talked to them, was pretty decent/better. and of course, once snc were alone, the video was at its best. i truly wish snc would just realize that they do so much better and get such better results without other ppl. just the two of them is enough. i truly wanted to like this episode, and i did to some extent, but no offense to larray, his over reactions just soured most of the video for me. he seems like a nice guy, and i didn't mind him the first time around when snc collabed with him, but god… just shut up next time lol

rating: 2.9/5

would i rewatch: only the tail end, tbh…. so no i guess lol

~~~~~~~~

episode four

i'll be honest with yall, i was mixed about how this final episode was gonna play out. part of me was excited to see it, another part of me was like… eh, don't care. but i will say, i was pleasantly surprised with this one. i guess in a weird way it was my favorite of all the episodes, but that's not saying much since none were really my favorite anyway.

niki and george were fantastic. honestly no notes. they didn't talk the entire fucking time, they weren't overly negative, they kept in line with snc's humor and or seriousness. i loved it truly. 10/10.

i completely forgot that kris called them to tell them about a dream she had. her and niki, and celina too… all having dreams about snc. what are they, fans??

i'm joking btw.

i think the dream element can be a bit questionable, but i do also think it's kinda creepy too. even if for argument's sake it's not real and/or is propped up to be something more serious than it is.

the foil house/tent thing they built was…. confusing. but i'm down for them to start using different methods, especially if they end up working or are interesting. they split up and neither really got anything that compelling, but when they played the picture game it was creepy that only colby's pics got fucked with a bit. it's always colby lol

but i gotta ask, didn't they break the first rule of the game which is nothing is supposed to cross over the circle in the middle? bc sam did that by putting the water cup down in it. also, i highly doubt that snc trashed that camera. highkey it's probably in their office rn.

the duel estes method, in theory, is a cool idea. but the execution wasn't really good enough. like sure, they got some answers, i guess. but half of the words were just random. and tying niki and colby together was kinda pointless. snc just love exploring their kinks on camera huh skskks jk

so, i think what was a bit confusing about sam freaking out (before) going into the basement is that did you really think colby wasn't gonna send you down there at some point? he has made a big stink about it since it happened to him. of course sam had to have known this was gonna happen. not to mention, sam's fucking challenge for colby would have literally caused him to get lost in the woods…. so i would say sam got the nicer of the two options.

as for what transpired in the basement, clearly sam was absolutely losing it. whether it was paranormal or not, he was scared out of his fucking mind. and i get it must have been creepy as hell down there. and god knows he lasted longer than i would have. but there is no reason he has to push himself that far to believe there is something more. like is it really worth being permanently scarred just to know if something is down there? not to mention, but whatever is down there, feeds off of havoc and scared energy. and you basically fell into its trap. like, i'm not blaming sam for freaking out. god knows i would be way worse in that situation. but i also wouldn't have been the dumbass who leaves my phone upstairs and has no extra back up light.

also colby is too forgiving bc i would been like "since you love the basement so much, here you go :)" lmaooo

(sidenote, why is colby walking around in only his socks???? ewwwww. do that in your own home, not the conjuring my guy. and another sidenote, does sam's face look swollen in the basement, or is that just the camera being hella zoomed in? idk why he just looks different)

colby giving a whole disclaimer or explanation about why he could leave sam in the basement…. i blame the fandom bc there is no reason for him to being doing all that. sam was literally gonna have him walk alone to the fucking graveyard. sam is fine in the basement. he can leave whenever he wants to. colby ain't a bad guy for giving him a challenge like that.

the walkie dying is so eerily spooky to the og alone conjuring video it's kinda crazy. but, maybe there is just bad reception lol

moving onto the final stretch of the video, the tarot reading. i know snc kinda showed more of the original reading on xplrclub, but if they truly think her first reading was super accurate, i really hope this reading is also just as accurate. snc deserve a lot more positive than negative these next couple months. so i hope that happens for them.

(might have to do a tarot reading on them myself just for funsies)

The Method's last messages… again, idk. imma just say this, to quote beetlejuice the musical "positivity is luxury that few can afford" and i'll just leave me beliefs at that.

i'll be completely honest with yall, idk what the priestess did with snc. the whole thing, the ouija board and exorcism/cleansing was intriguing, don't get me wrong, but idk what the fuck was happening. i kinda just watched it and accepted it at face value bc again, idk anything. it probably would have been for the best if snc explained it a bit better or did something to let us know what was up. i don't really believe everything that the priestess believes, but i do find her interesting enough that i hope she comes back eventually. god knows snc are gonna need another cleansing at some point.

colby going into the woods blindfolded…. is he trying to literally fall off of a bridge? what is with yall using blindfolds and ties? enough of the kinky shit, already.

but as for what happened out there, i think it was an interesting end to the final investigation. i could sort of hear something running up on colby, and i can only imagine how that would have felt in the moment. and who knows what it could have been? my bet is it was an animal, but i also feel like if it was one, it would have kept chasing him. but who knows. i'm just glad he didn't get hurt.

overall, i would say this was my favorite episode. i think it had a lot more high moments than lows, and that alone makes it the best. the collabs were good in this one, they got really cool evidence, and it was just a great way to wrap up this series.

rating: 4/5

would i rewatch: yeah :)

~~~~~~~~

now, onto my thoughts on this whole thing:

so going into this series, i wasn't too excited, as i had mentioned before. i felt as if snc should have taken this year off and came back during hell week if that was something they direly wanted to do. bc a lot of the content that came out this year was just… not good. it wasn't on par with what their calibar is. but i think this series was probably the best thing that came out this year by them. a lot of cool and interesting things happened in this series, and clearly snc's hearts were fully invested in this. there was passion in this series, and that's what a lot of their other videos this year have lacked, imo.

as for The Method and it changing the world….. i love snc, clearly. i deeply care for them. but they truly need to have someone in their camp that's gonna tell them reality. i mean, just as i'm writing this, there are tons of ppl on tiktok and youtube trying to disprove and nitpick apart the series and in particular The Method. but here's how i feel about that: satori and cody could be lying, that's true. they could be faking it somehow. but i don't think that's the takeaway from this series. i've seen how many ppl this brought closure to, how many ppl feel better now knowing there is something else after this life. and that in itself is worth it, even if it's not real. this series wasn't gonna change my mind bc i myself already believed in the paranormal and already believed that there is something more out there. i don't need two random ppl to prove to me i'm right. i already believe that on my own. and in that regard, i know that this series isn't for me. it's for those that needed to hear those words, that needed the confirmation. and for those ppl, i'm happy this gave you that. honest to god. just bc i didn't get that out of this doesn't mean i look down on those that did. if this helped you in any way, that's fantastic and i'm glad. i'm not here to argue whether or not The Method is a lie. idc tbh. snc believe it, and i believe them.

and if it comes out that satori and cody lied, fuck them. but until otherwise proven, i'll believe what they're selling. i'm just… not gonna buy any myself.

but even taking them out of the conjuring equation, snc caught some crazy shit there. of course, a lot of it was amplified by The Method, but i think what they did outside of that was more interesting and compelling than The Method. what i think will be more important is what they now do with the information they know. how are they gonna move forward now knowing what they know? what are they gonna impliment now that they didn't think to use before the conjuring? that's what matters to me.

idk if i got an ask that said this or not (i would have to double check but if i did - hi anon, here's your answer), but i know ppl are asking how snc are gonna top themselves this next year for hell week. personally, i don't think they have to. i think they should go back to what hell week looks like usually: a bunch of different places with different guests, but now more amplified. maybe, crazy concept, do more solo investigations. how about during next year's hell week you just… go alone to all seven places? maybe stop by the conjuring another time? you already proved (for the most part) that there is an afterlife and more beyond this life, why not go back thru your greatest hits with fresh eyes? that's what will make a difference in the content and take it to the next level without you literally contacting a demon or something.

i was pleasantly surprised by this series, and i'm more excited now to see what they do next than i was before, so… mission accomplish lol

[duskmachine]

"Time is money." is a phrase that has eaten away at me for a really long time. Presently, this is a really interesting metaphor. With the deplorable job market and the emergence of "I should've made a linkedin account and gotten an internship while in the womb" memes, "Time is money." begins to take shape in a profound way.

We are expected, from the start, to invest in a future we assume to be still. Businesses promise us they are legacies who will last the test of time. Coco-cola airs its ads focusing on families and the idea that the gift of Cola will be passed down from generation to generation. Brands are identities that we take on; to like Coco-cola is a separate identity from liking Pepsi. You are not A, therefore you are B. Essentially, we believe our lives to be as stable as the market. Which, under the rules of capitalism, will continue to rise and rise and rise. Our jobs, the money we have under our name, is a tool to help us invest in products that add to our identity that grows and grows and grows.

Money becomes something that gives you the right to be human. It gives you the privilege of earning an identity. These are subsets of culture. If you cannot buy your way into culture then you are simply not a part of it. Culture is then created by those who can afford it; that is the future. The future is molded by a culture created by a small sum of people who hold large amounts of a tool (money) that gives them the "right" to be human and be part of "society". That is the security we were sold. Consumerism is such a huge deal because it is a part of culture. Consuming is our future: stocks will rise and rise and rise and we will continue feeding into the market to make it grow and grow and grow.

Our future is only as stable as these stocks, as these legacy brands. If we choose to separate ourselves from the premise of capitalism, we then sever our human identity that we have "earned" through our job, our title, our money. "Time is money." teaches us that time is something we must invest in. It is a trust we must fund. While at the same time, we must spend time to earn that money. Time becomes a tower built by blocks of identities. You were a student. You used to work at that store. You used to really like that product.

Each moment you choose not to invest in your future is time lost. You must procure the time to spend by earning the funds to "buy time". Think about the ideology of: if you live a hard life now, you'll live an easier life later. For the majority of our lives, we will spend it attempting to earn a better future despite our present.

Well, but what if brands fail? What if the future they sell is founded on bad research and baseless lies? Coca-cola sells us a life in an idyllic nuclear family that has its roots in American imperialism. Fossil fuel companies have been paying researchers to stay quiet and to publish data that convinces the public that their production is something that we can rely on since it will never harm our future. For lack of better terms: The future they sell is complete fucking bullshit.

The white picket fence surrounding a beautiful house and lawn is not a future most can afford anymore. That is a culture that is essentially lost because it is hoarded by previous generations. This is wealth that is holed up in dying identities and traditions that do not exist to serve anyone, but the person practicing it. Temperatures rise, our over reliance on oil reveals to us a culture unwilling to change for the benefit of a genuine future: one where the planet is habitable. This future, as previously stated, is created by only a handful of people. It is a product sold and handed to people running out of a future to live meanwhile young people without generational wealth stand on bidding time.

"Time is money." is a saying from Benjamin Franklin. The face of the $100 bill. His legacy, our tool to buy an ungrounded future where the rich live in the stars, abandoning the Earth they set aflame. Not ever acknowledging they chose to treat our future as the fuel for theirs. A sacrifice that was never necessary.

[bonyassfish]

One of the many many bad parts of project 2025 that isn’t being discussed very much is the current right wing plan for education. And as someone currently studying for a PhD in education policy this part is close to my heart

basically, they want to slowly downgrade the department of education until it does nothing but gather statistics and data. they want to end the phenomenon of education as a basic common good, and they want to create a private system which conducts right-wing, white supremacist, christo-fascist propaganda.

is your kid queer or trans? Disabled? Mentally ill or neurodivergent? Someone who speaks English as a second language? Someone who isn’t Christian? Someone who isn’t white? From a working class family? Sorry, education is not for them. Maybe if you’re lucky they’ll get a voucher to attend the pat robertson school of bullshit; of course, that scholarship was paid for with taxpayer money, so you’re ultimately the one paying for it after all.

Public schools in America are not perfect, not by a long shot. But widespread right wing resistance to public schooling is not because they are genuinely concerned with the many things needed to do to better support students, esp all the groups I just mentioned above. It’s because they fear they’ve lost the war of public information and know that the only way they can keep their viewpoint being seen with legitimacy is through indoctrination.

This isn’t new, per se, but the more recent step that they have managed is not just to go out of their way to mold public schools into places of right wing christian fascism like having the Ten Commandments on display, but using money from the dept of education which could go to improving public schools to fund these “voucher” programs, where parents/guardians can use vouchers to send their kids to private schools. Not only does it cost an outrageous amount of money (Arizona is flat near broke thanks to their voucher and charter policies), but research has shown that most vouchers are being used to pay tuition for kids who were already in private schools, and are mostly being used in wealthier families. I know, shocker

And the thing is, gutting the department of education is just one of the many many horrific things that lie inside of project 2025.

Some articles about this all if you’re interested, also I didn’t talk about it here but it’s also devastating for higher education as well as k-12

[yeebeemaxheehee]

TW// discussions of Self harm, miseducation surrounding marginalized groups (including disabled specifically), and general abuse in regards to A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

THIS WAS WRITTEN AT 2 IN THE FUCKING MORNING BECAUSE I AM STILL ANGRY AT THIS BOOK. I AM A TEEN GIRL, NOT A PROFESSIONAL REVIEWER.

-

-

If you asked me how i felt about a little life by Hanya Yanagihara, i would say “oh it’s not for me and i didn’t really like the story”

but if u asked me on a deeper level…

I’d say that this is one of the most harmful books a person could read. It took me six months after reading it to realize how much i despised this ‘story’ and this came when learning the authors intent behind creating it. She believes that Jude St. Francis was not capable of being happy. Subsequently, people who have experienced abuse and severe depression might read this book and think, “well, if life is only going to get worse and worse until the bitter end, may as well end it now”. I sincerely find that the message of this book is “traumatized and suicidal people should kill themselves!” The complete lack of any research just solidifies how she used this book as an exposé into what ways a person can possibly experience pain before an audience calls bullshit. I call bullshit. She could have gotten her point that i suppose she had across without the graphic detail surrounding sexual abuse and self harm. This reads like a “how to harm yourself: ten creative ways!” instead of seeking profession help. That’s the other thing, she thinks seeing psychiatrists is a bad thing! Genuinely what the fuck is wrong with her. This book has given me covid both times i read it and made me throw up (the first part is a coincidence probably, the second is true. I almost threw up after reading a scene on public transportation). This has been called the “great gay novel” a billion fucking times when the entire relationship, Jude is forcing himself to be retraumatized for the sake of love, before finally, Willem just starts fucking a woman so Jude doesn’t suffer. Why do u hate gay men??? Jude cannot even be categorized as gay because she has traumatized this poor fictional character so much that he has no ability to understand his own sexuality, as is made clear through the reading living in his brain for the majority of his and Willem’s relationship. Getting back to the self harm (as Hanya loves to do throughout the 813 pages of this terrible novel), she is so descriptive that it far surpasses painting an image of the scene and evoking emotion from the readers. She goes far past these points and creates scenes so vivid and instructional that it retriggers every reader (hyperbole) who has ever dealt with any kind of self harm. And for those who haven’t yet, i would not be surprised if some depressed 14 year old picks this up because of the rave reviews and discovers a cool, fun, and new addiction! One thing is for sure, do fucking research, go to therapy, and stop hating gay disabled men, Hanya. The death count of this book is not 0 (though this is obviously not the authors fault, of course). Do better. Add triggers. Never write again. Thanks.

[sortofanobsession]

WIP Wednesday 1

911 The Bubble AU teaser...

Eddie hadn't been working at the hotel long but the work was safer than what he used to do and the pay was decent. But the pandemic had really thrown things off. He was stuck here. He talked to his kid everyday but not seeing him was tough. Sure Christopher was well looked after by his family, but it sucked. Essential worker bullshit. Was catering to a bunch of rich movie stars really his life now? He shakes his head and puts on a smile as he deals with them all one by one.

At least they were easy on the eyes. His eyes tended to drift towards one particular actor every time he was in the room. Evan “Buck” Buckley. Eddie was familiar with the guy. Christopher was a huge fan, though he hadn't seen all the guy's movies. He was still a kid after all. But Christopher was so excited his dad was meeting this cast, for this movie. It was a franchise Christopher had grown up with and Eddie hadn't hated all of them. Sure, they were derivative and somewhat pointless after so many sequels, but his son liked them so he put up with them.

“Here,” one of the actors had shoved an paper with his autograph on it. “Just don't sell it on eBay.”

“I didn't ask for-”

“Consider it a tip,” the smug prick had said.

Eddie wanted to shove it back at the guy.

“Yeah, sure my kid’s hospital bills can be paid in headshots,” he muttered.

“You have a kid?” Eddie’s head shoots up and it sends an ache through the old injury in his shoulder but he tries to hide it. He sees Evan Buckley approach the desk.

Eddie looks around. His co workers weren't around to admonish his lack of professionalism.

“Oh, Mr. Buckley, I didn't see you there,” Eddie resists the urge to straighten his uniform.

“You said your kid has hospital bills?” the actor asks. And Eddie thinks the look on the guy’s face of concern, looks genuine. But who knows.

“Uh, yeah,” Eddie nods. “My son, Christopher, has CP.”

“Must suck being stuck here away from your family. Wife, kids, all that.”

“Bit presumptuous,” Eddie chuckles before he can stop himself. He clears his throat when he realizes this is absolutely an inappropriate conversation. Unprofessional. But for the life of him Eddie can't seem to shut up. Isolation must be hitting him harder than expected. “Late wife,” Eddie corrects. “And it's just one kid. Just Christopher. He's with my abuela.” Okay, yeah he was over sharing now.

Buck doesn't know why but the way the guy at reception’s ears turn red and he keeps looking around is adorable and almost as addicting as the pills he has in his suitcase. Single dad. He could work with that. But shit. Late wife, means dead wife. Buck does feel bad about that. And a kid with a birth defect. Shit.

“Shit, I am sorry man. I shouldn't have…that was real shitty of me.” Buck starts because holy shit he was trying to hit on a single dad with a- nope, Evan. You got to be PC. A kid with disabilities. And he knows he fucked up when the guy’s shoulders go tight.

“It's fine, Mr. Buckley. There was no way you could have known.”

“It's just Buck, and you were right it was presumptuous. I probably shouldn't have asked anything in the first place. This quarantine shit is a pain in the ass, but I can't imagine being stuck here away from your kid. I'm sorry, man.”

“It's, okay, really, Mr.- Buck,” Eddie corrects. “I assure you I have thicker skin than most.” Eddie nods. “And being here pays the bills. But I won't lie, it helps when guests aren't…totally out of touch.” Eddie pokes at the scrap of paper with the scribbled autograph with a pen. Earning a laugh from Buck, but he researches over and balls up the scrap.

“Yeah, that guys a prick,” Buck says.

“All part of the job,” Eddie says. “Speaking of, how can I help you, Buck?”

And Buck suppresses the urge to make a suggestive comment.

“I was wondering if I could get a few extra towels. I may have-”

“Of course,” Eddie smiles and nods. “Someone will bring them up as soon as possible.”

“Thanks, man,” Buck says, tapping a few times on the desk before he leaves.

Eddie can't bring himself to break eye contact with the handsome actor Evan Buckley backs away from him and out the room without looking away. Eddie was beyond amused.

________

Good? Bad? Want more?

I'm still trying to work some details out.

Like who from the show is an actor/crew and who works at the hotel? Like part of me thinks Bobby, Hen, and Chim would be good at the hotel because without them Buck was a wild boy. Like Hen being Pippa (because I love her attitude and she would be like "I'm eating, man!")

But then who is the cast?

Ravi I can see being an actor, but also I could see him as like Gunther: "I'm done eating but I'm okay."

But Chim being a long suffering actor that is not happy in the franchise.

Do I bring in Lucy? Bosko?

Idk...opinions?

[creature-wizard]

I was part of ( and abused by ) Scarletarosa's mini cult.

Important note! If you've ever been told by her you were sharing a family bond or any close important relationship in a past life, that's her tactic trough which she gets close to you! She has done this to 3 people as far as I remember

My aim here is not to attack anyone, but to spread my story, as others can learn from my mistakes and keep themselves safe. I considered this person a close friend and truly cared about her when she shared some of her own struggles , yet for her I was nothing but a dumb person to trick , use and fool.

I started to become closer to this person after I went trough the pagan / witchy tumblr tags. We first just exchanged some asks and messages, nothing much.

After she did a free reading for me ,she offered herself to be my mentor and use her "wide experience " to help me find out more about witchcraft, meditation, deity worship and all of this.

At first this seemed nothing too strange or much different from what other people who post their upg were saying. We were mostly having light discussions. I truly considered her to be friend and cared about her. Nothing serious happened until she introduced me to her partner ( after she probably thought she has gained my trust). After that she started to become more and more strict and serious about shaping my beliefs and inner self, to evolve and other bull crap like that.

They ghosted me for a few months and never replied back and I started to find this weird, because she was usually responding right back and was most of the times online. At this point I started to get suspicious because I also started to do some research into new age beliefs and all the weird conspiracy- culty stuff, and I found similarities between scarletarosa's ideologies and those believed by new agers, hers were only adjusted a bit to fit her Luciferian perspective.

I have no idea if they do this because they want to get people to give them money for whatever shit they sell, or they genuinely like to hurt people. Back to the story, out of a sudden, after that huge amount of time we haven't spoken,  they were eager to help me more and give me " past life readings " , which I found to be odd.

As doubts were piling up, I decided to test  them. I started by telling them I did past life regression meditation and saw parts of that life which they " confirmed " to be true, or that I did tarot readings about it.

The stories they were telling me started to sound wilder and wilder .

A lot of red flags were appearing on the horizon, one of them being told that they actually didn't tell me the whole " truth" about my higher self, and that the meditation I was told to do daily has to be done everyday, 1 day skipped and you go back to the beginning of the process because the connection with your higher self is lost. This meditation, well is crap as well. Scarletarosa said it's purpose is to connect you with your higher self who is located in between the chest and abdomen. This is a concept you will never encounter in any spiritual book or material. No one , as far as I researched, talks about this. I obviously didn't do the meditation daily because I only meditate when I feel like I need to, and after so many months of talking to each other she tells me i " failed " awakening because I wasn't consistent. At this point I started my own meditation practice without any higher core self bullshit. I started to play along and test them with more scenarios related to the connection I supposedly have with my higher self and they believed me.

I caught her in another lie when I left her an ambiguous message to which she said that I actually did the meditation correctly. Right after I revealed I actually skipped my meditation on purpose, and she got mad.

Another red flag was the fact that a person who was with me in the group chat, suddenly left and I couldn't reach her anywhere. I wasn't sure for how long I should play along and shortly after that I left them too, the last straw for me being how scarletarosa was set I making me to hate and despite trans people, and people who use different pronouns.

I left in a peaceful way , by telling them this version of me I can see I'm becoming is not the real me. I'm not hateful, I don't hate people, I don't want to fill my mind and heart with disgust and vengeance towards people. In the end I will say that both scarletarosa and her partner are skilled in the art of manipulation , emotional manipulation to be more exact. They will use everything you give them ,against you; your fears , doubts, dreams, what you hate, what you love, your traumas EVERYTHING! Then if you want to leave they pull the " after everything we've done for you " uno card.

They will try to make you transform into the worst of yourself and be ... like them.

They are extremely skilled at what they do and this behaviour is encompassed in the sphere of abuse and tactics abusers use:

- they will tell you a story about how great you used to be as a spirit in the metaphysical realm and make you chase a spiritual awakening so you can regain that "greater form " back and free yourself from your meat suit once an for all. BUT you will only reach that " high level " if you do what they say.

- they make you feel special ( example: telling you your higher self is a great demon, a deity or a wise dragon) - they will tell you what to do but not entirely. They'll withhold information and say that " you weren't ready to find out " yet, or that you failed to check all the boxes when doing the meditation or whatever they suggested, and oppsie you should  have known,  we didn't tell you but it was OBVIOUS. This for sure would make you feel bad and work even harder to achieve that thing, while this buys them more time to make up a new lie  because whatever they tell you to do is total crap and you won't achieve anything.

- they tell people to not talk about what they teach you to others because this information is not for everyone - they didn't let me talk with the other person in the chat about what they " teach us" because they want to be the ones to tell us " the news" first. Obviously they would be caught lying if I was to talk with the other person.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope no one else has to fall into this kind of situation in the future.

[practically-an-x-man]

⭐ and/or director's commentary for Catch and Release?

Thank you!!~

Long ramble ahead... I got carried away

Okay, first of all... I had to do so much research to write this fic. Sometimes I researched things just for a single line, like the flashback in chapter 6 where 11-year-old Olly and her dad realize the actuators are genuine AI:

Ophelia’s eyes fell on the very last line of code, all the way at the bottom of the screen.  System.out.formatname(“ISAAC”); A moment later, the code jumped back to life, lines of commands once again flowing down the screen.

I've done a little bit of coding before, both block and text coding, but not anything with Java, so I ended up scrolling through a whole article on how Java formatting works just so I could bullshit a made-up command for a single line in the fic.

Above everything else, I wanted this fic to read as genuinely scientific, since the protagonist herself is a scientist. Most of that was a rampant amount of speculative biology, but it is based for the most part on actual anatomy, biology, chemistry, and engineering. I wanted it to be a little bit more genuine than the usual "superhero logic", and it was actually a fun challenge to come up with scientific-ish explanations for things like the villain cures and what have you.

Another bit of speculative biology here in the fic - Flint Marko. I obviously haven't read all the Spider-Man comics out there, so I don't know if they ever tried to give him a more scientific backstory than just "turned into sand by a particle accelerator", but here was my explanation of it:

“It’s delivered as a concentrated beam of radiation.” Peter answered, “At least, that was the plan. The sand that makes up his body isn’t… well, it’s not actually sand. They’re mutated cells that mimic the physical characteristics of sand. If we hit him with the right kind of radiation, we should be able to trigger a mutation that returns his cells to normal.”

I mean, let's be real, the "right kind of radiation" to "return his cells to normal" is total superhero-y bullshit and I freely acknowledge that, but I was pretty proud of that first bit. I mean... how would he still be alive and conscious if he was really made out of sand? Doesn't it make sense for it to be something that looks like sand and behaves like sand, but still maintains certain living properties like cellular structure?

I think if this were an actual, published novel, I'd probably pull a total Andy Weir and obsessively research every point of speculative science in this piece. As fanfic... I still did more research than I probably needed to, but I gave myself enough grace with the knowledge that my readers are reading this just for fun, and even the ones who might have more knowledge into the hard sciences would give me a bit of leeway in that.

Here's one more section from the first cure-discussion scene, since I was just really proud of that whole part of the fic:

“What if we tried converting Connors’ cure to a gaseous form?” she suggested, tapping the rough sketch she’d drawn, “I don’t think we’ll be able to get a syringe through those scales, but if we could get him to inhale it instead…” “That could work.” Norman agreed, “Though I’d suggest a fine mist rather than a gas.” “Like an asthma inhaler.” Ophelia guessed.  “Exactly.” he confirmed, “It wouldn’t require heat, only pressure.” 

This one, I didn't do any initial research for, actually! I already knew the basics of how asthma inhalers worked, and the premise of "liquid to gas requires heat, liquid to more finely-distributed liquid does not", so I was actually super pleased for coming up with that on my own. I did later do a little more research into the mechanics of an asthma inhaler for when they actually built the cure, but the initial idea was all mine :)

As an author, my brain actually works very similarly to Ophelia's, which I think helped me a lot in writing this fic. I've had an interest in biology and anatomy since I was a kid (for a while, my favorite book was a children's encyclopedia on the human body), and certain things like the museum she talks about in Chapter 11 are pulled from my own life and experiences (with a little embellishment at times, of course). Also like Olly, I'm always seeking for the most efficient way to solve a problem, and I'm not going to shy away from a little research as needed.

Her perspective is remarkably fun to write! I think in some ways, she's a reflection of who I might've been if I'd tolerated college a little better. I really love learning, but the college climate was just overwhelming and stressful and it wasn't my passion. Now I'm in a career with both scientific and artistic elements, and I really do love the work that I do... and any time I want to tap into my more science-minded side, I can work on my sciencey superhero fics instead lol

____

Psst- for that star, and since I'm so late in getting the fic updated, have a little sneak peek at the next chapter!

He woke up beside her.  It was something he’d been imagining for months though, though he’d expected it to follow a very different chain of events. He certainly wasn’t expecting to feel like he’d been shoved into a massive pinball machine, with so much of his body aching that it all just became a fogged-over cloud of aimless pain, but… it was what it was, and he’d take what he had. He couldn’t change the pain, not now, but he could appreciate the rest of this.  Olly was still asleep. The bruises under her eyes had faded a bit, though he could hear her breath rasping in her throat as it failed to pass through her broken nose. Her knee was still braced, propped up on a heap of pillows, though still swollen and deeply bruised in a way that made him wince. She’d given up a lot for him, that much was clear. But she was here, right beside him, with her callused fingers wrapped loosely around his own. 

[bonesandthebees]

All this information is so helpful, thank you !! I feel as if I trust a regular person who isn't really invested in the beauty influencer scene who just deals with their skin normally, it's so hard to find good recommendations and genuine advice. I get these little bumps that don't really look inflamed and are sort of just oil deposits under my skin, do you know anything for those? I do wash my face and moisturize in the morning and before bed, so that's all I've got going right now.

of course! I totally get it, the skincare scene is filled with beauty influencers trying to sell you stuff you don't need and it's really hard to wade through the bullshit. if you go on youtube though there's a lot of dermatologists who make videos talking about popular skincare products and will tell you what's worth it and what's not, so if you're ever unsure about where to find some info, look for videos like that.

now as for your problem, again this got long, so putting it under a read more

now I'm not an expert but one thing that came to mind when you described your bumps is fungal acne. do these bumps itch at all? if so, it could be fungal acne. the healthline article I linked talks a bit about what can cause it, and a common treatment I've heard works really well for it is, strangely enough, dandruff shampoo? specifically I've heard of people using nizoral shampoo on their face for fungal acne, although I don't know the details so definitely do your own research.

however, it might not be fungal acne. again, do your research to see if that fits or not. if it's not fungal acne, it could just be your natural skin texture. a lot of skin does just have bumps and uneven patches naturally. the idea that most people have naturally glass smooth skin is a total myth created by the beauty and influencer industry. skin isn't going to be perfectly smooth and that's fine. if you want to try and do something about it though, a possible option could be exfoiliants.

for the most part, scrub exfoiliants are considered a bit too harsh these days so a lot of people use chemical exfoiliants instead. there are a whole variety of these out there, but if you really want a strong one, I use an at home chemical peel solution from the ordinary that's around $10.

this is the strongest at home chemical peel on the market, so it's something you want to be careful with. if you do end up using it, you're definitely going to want to do a patch test first. apply some to the back of your hand for 10 minutes, wash it off, and then wait at least overnight if not a few days to see if you have a reaction. if you don't have a reaction, I'd recommend only using it for 5 minutes the first time you put it on your face, and slowly leave it on for longer and longer every time you use it, but never leave it on longer than 10 minutes total. also, on the days you use this, the only other products you should use on your face is face wash and moisturizer. make sure to use a moisturizer with spf or sunscreen right after using it because it makes your skin very sensitive to the sun!

if you don't want to go this intense for your first chemical exfoiliant though I understand. there are a lot of other options like glycolic acid, lactic acid, azelaic acid, etc. just do some research into what works best for textural irregularities!

[the1975attheirverybest]

Well, I've decided to come here, and rant since that anon kinda mentioned it. So feel free to ignore but since the line in IILWY has been going around recently regarding the whole "You show me your black girl thing." Both from Swifies/ Maylors and even some 75 fans completely discarding the meaning behind it, and I've had it up to here with that bullshit.

(please bear in mind I am half black and therefore biracial.)

I'm going to be real there is a level of racism in this fandom (I'm not saying a lot, but there is a percentage), and to say there isn't is just ignorant. (I have personally dealt with it on here over a character in my fic because "she was too dark for Matty") The majority of the fandom wholeheartedly ignores the existence of Twigs and Matty's relationship, and I find it so fucked up. That man was so fucking clearly (the most we have ever seen) in love with her.

"So, there’s the line that goes ‘You show me your Black girl thing/Pretending that I know what it is (I wasn’t listening),’ which came from this moment when she was talking about something that I had no cultural understanding of, and all I was thinking was, ‘I’m in love with you.’ And maybe I should have been focusing on what it was, but in that moment, I didn’t care about anything cultural or political. I just loved her."

It's like everyone just forgets this ever happened. It honestly breaks my heart and also makes me personally feel some type of way because it genuinely feels like everyone ignores her because of the color of her skin. But yet continues to suck Gabby's ass even though that shit was years and years ago (no hate to Gabby I love her)

Yes yes yes yes yes yes. I know it’s just one line, but it honestly means and does so so much. Which I think is the point of the song. Love makes you aware of difference and makes you more open to it. Including racial and cultural difference. The fact that he’s whites and she’s not is an essential factor in their relationship. Because society makes it so. And for stuff that’s seemingly mundane (which as hair and skin routines or whatever) that he hadn’t considered before or encountered, it makes a big difference. And it becomes a moment of awareness. Like juxtaposing the “she’s the person I’m in love with” with the “there are things about her life experience and her perception of the world and her lived experience that I will never know” is VERY important. To ignore that aspect of the song would be like ignoring Twigs’s blackness.

I’m so sorry that you’ve had to encounter that kind of attitude towards your fic character. That’s just indefensible. People who legitimately think this way need to examine why they have this impulse to reject the idea that Matty would be with a black girl.

And I’m gonna say it now before y’all come at me: NOPE. It’s not the same as “having a type,” and go educate yourself before you speak.

Sometimes songs ARE up to interpretation and that’s fine. Encouraged even. But if your interpretation rests on the erasure of someone’s racial identity….it’s an invalid interpretation.

Side note: this is not 75 related but I actually do research about this. There’s a black female character in one of Shakespeare’s plays that all the academics refuse to acknowledge. Even though the play LITERALLY says that she had “ebony colored skin” and that “her beauty is dark.” Editors of the play insist on saying “oh it just means she’s not blonde.” My argument is that they’re fuckin racist and they can’t believe the poster boy of white genius poets (Shakespeare) would have a black woman as a main character in a love plot.

I guess this doesn’t really help much. Expect to say that the problem within the fandom is definitely part of our social politics. Fandom spaces are not exempt from sociopolitical / cultural issues because they exist within them. And we need to be more aware and critical of our presumptions. Yes art is fun and escapism and entertainment. But it’s also culture and education and ethics.

[quirkypossum]

personal life shit ahead btw

gonna talk about some personal life bullshit under the cut so if you're not interested in my life drama or potentially triggering shit then I'd scroll past. Content warning for talking about disturbing/self-destructive thoughts, chronic pain and illness, and trans stuff..

well, I'm at the point where I am second-guessing myself again. my mom and her husband actually think I'm a hypochondriac and I didn't help my own thought spiral by watching a bunch of videos on people who supposedly made up their own chronic illnesses for crime or other reasons...

like i genuinely think there has been stuff going on with me for years now, but because i never brought some of it up to doctors at the time they tend to not believe its that serious.. Half the time they blame my symptoms on my weight (something that has changed very little over the last five years not including getting the tits chopped earlier this year) or they will blame it on my diet (another thing that has if anything gotten healthier over the last five years as I've explored more veggies and fruits).

Most recently, I went in after doing a bunch of research on POTS and hypermobility without really saying anything specific, keeping the most specific description at general hypermobility while describing my joints and pain and other problems. Well, the outcome I thought was going to be better because normally they dismiss it and don't do anything but this time it seemed different because my doctor actually ordered new blood tests that I haven't had before to rule out things like arthritis and lupus and stuff. The problem was that she said she would follow up and never did and its been like a month now since then and still nothing. Based on the ranges they show with the tests I'm within range for everything pretty much so part of me wonders if that's why she never reached out to confirm the results or what, but I am planning on sending her a message to ask what the next step is.

I know it's not smart to self-diagnose and do a ton of research into symptoms because you could be wildly off but given the fact that the doctors I keep getting just dismiss everything as normal without really doing anything to check most of the time I just can't forget about it and move on. I shouldn't be dealing with all the health problems that I am at the age that I am. Older adults always say stuff like "wait til you're older, then you'll really know pain" and it makes me so disheartened for my future if I'm already overwhelmed by it all rn. Like I really am at a "whats the fucking point?" type of mental state because of all this.

I feel like no one in my life really believes that the issues I have a real and everyone just thinks i make it all up because I complain a lot. Part of me wonders if I am faking it all and I'm just so delusional that i don't know I'm faking it. It's the same kinds of thoughts I have about being trans sometimes or about money. I've been really trying to avoid self harming lately because of all this shit.... Its so weird cause I'll have a great awesome day where I got all the shit done I needed to do, did something fun, socialized, showered, ate, all of it and at the end of it all I feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet... Like everything I said and did was wrong and of course my doctors don't believe me Im just making it up, of course my brother said no to sitting outside with me, I'm being annoying as usual. idk....

I have so many wishes for my life and my loved ones' lives and my mom always says that obnoxious response of "you wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster" to try and bring me back to reality and make me feel better I guess but obviously it never works. it just makes me feel worse about it like I shouldn't even complain in the first place. I really do wish things were different.

I wish I wasn't in pain every day, I wish I didn't have stomach problems every day, I wish I didn't feel like I might pass out every day, I wish my anxiety was the normal amount and not the terrifying heart palpitations I get every day, I wish I had enough money that these health problems wouldn't worry me so much, I wish my mom didn't have to work her soul-crushing job just to keep a roof over our family's heads, I wish that things were different....

If you read through all of this I applaud you and hope you can't relate to any of it.

[catboybiologist]

i feel you so much on your post about putting you on a pedestal. I have used diving into biochemistry to cope with so many things wrong in my life. I'm still an undergrad, but I have done WAY more research hours than are recommended. A part of me wants to continue, but I also feel like I need to take a break. Biochemistry is frying my brain

It's intoxicating, isn't it? I swear, sometimes academia feels like a drug, or an abusive relationship. The high moments where you have exciting results, you can share them, you can learn, you can teach, And it's genuinely difficult to find that elsewhere, unfortunately. In biotech, you can't share your research as freely, and many of my friends who went that direction say they often feel trapped by that. In government labs, you get most of this, but the networking, teaching, a community are far less. I've never questioned that I love academia and scientific research at its best. Idk about you, but I literally get a rush when I'm in a presentation or meeting that's going well, bouncing ideas and data back and forth, learning new things and teaching new things, doing science as a community and being the best at the tiny sliver specialty of what you do... It literally feels like a drug high, sometimes.

But oh. My. God. The amount of bullshit you have to deal with to get to those moments. The levels of bureaucracy, long hours with low pay, chaos in your life, sacrifice of hobbies, writing grants as a way of begging for the tiniest scraps of funding, the insane power dynamics of the administration and PIs.... Gah. You're left asking yourself- is it worth it? For me, I'm probably gonna finish my degree- might as well now that I'm done with quals- but my original dream entering my PhD was to pursue tenure track positions in the future. That's likely not happening.

I'm rambling. Sorry to hijack. But take a break if you need it. I certainly need one, and I'm looking forward to my summer off a bit too much LOL

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

doing research for my final unit in english class and i have 3 sources cited already :D !

[phoenixyfriend]

Anakin Assists the Jedi Council While On Medical Leave

AU brainstormed primarily by @atagotiak, @gelpenss, and myself.

Basically, a fix-it based in Anakin getting a peek into the daily life on the Council early, and accidentally Figuring Some Shit Out along the way, mostly because Palps Fucks Up.

So, Anakin gets injured in a way that limits him to Coruscant for a few weeks. He can still walk and talk, but he can't fight. The specific injury doesn't matter, just this:

Anakin runs errands on behalf of the council and sits in on meetings to take minutes as a "you're on medical leave but we need all hands on deck, congrats you get to be the secretary until we can send you on stabbing missions again" thing.

Also, there just aren't a whole lot of people with Anakin's clearance level. They had to send out Stass Allie to handle the mission that was originally next on Anakin's roster, and Anakin's the most convenient person to substitute into her position.

He's not super happy about this but he can more or less understand the point of it. Given that he gets antsy about needing to fight almost immediately, he can acknowledge the worth of having something useful to do, if only as the person who's writing down who says what and making sure everyone has the right file on hand.

(Besides, Obi-Wan jokes in a way that Anakin thinks might be encouraging, this is good practice if Anakin ever wants to be on the High Council himself!)

(This is a very helpful conversation.)

BASICALLY, Anakin is resigned to this but agrees because "Usually we have Master Allie handle this but we need her running that mission that was originally set for the 501st, so you get to fill in for her until you can switch back. Think of it as training for eventual mastery or admin or--listen, we're just really stretched thin."

Here's the key thing, though: Anakin isn't supposed to leave the Temple, for medical reasons, so Palpatine doesn't know Anakin is sitting in on Council meetings. They haven't met up since Anakin's last surgery, and because [muffled hand-wave reason] he didn't find out another way, like Anakin comming him or the Council giving him the heads-up about the change in attendance.

It's fine. He's just taking notes and doing preparatory research, he has the clearance, the Chancellor likes him anyway. Hell, they'd have had someone's Padawan doing this, before the war increased the necessary clearance levels. They'll toss in a quick message in the brief they send to Palps that he never reads anyway, and that's really all they need to do. Skywalker's getting some rounded experience and this way the medics won't be freaking out about him stressing his heart after getting electrocuted by trying to spar too early.

Palpatine doesn't talk directly to the Council, he just sends a recording the first time Anakin is there. It's a bit weird, but nothing goes wrong. Anakin's off-screen from whatever device they use to send a response, since he's not technically a member, just assisting for a bit on the part of Master Allie's duties that he's actually allowed to touch (and not the bits that are getting added to Mace, Plo, and Shaak's stuff).

The first four or so meetings are like that. Anakin starts having a bit of sympathy for the Council as he sees how many things they want to do that are hampered by the need for Senatorial approval, things that he would also want to do and didn't think required this much red tape.

About a week in, still mostly recordings with Anakin just sitting on the side playing paralegal, the wheel of fortune turns a few pegs.

Palpatine hands over a an order on the range of injury that a soldier should be treated for, "to ensure that republic resources aren't being wasted on clones that, while expensive, would actually be cheaper to replace than repair."

Oh, he dresses it up in prettier language than that. Anakin doesn't process it as such first.

The Chancellor manages to couch his phrasing in "prioritizing resources for taxpaying republic citizens and employees of the GAR," which... well.

The natborn commissioned officers pay taxes. The Jedi are employees. The clones are neither, because they're slaves.

Probably he frames it as the employees thing, very much the kinda language that sounds halfway ok unless you’re fluent in political bullshit.

And Anakin is really confused at first about why the council is upset by the order because, okay, he would PREFER to be able to use medical supplies on refugees when possible, but he understands prioritizing the soldiers?

He just looks up, totally lost, when someone groans and goes, "That's the third time this year, is he trying to get us all killed?"

And it vibes as such a genuine, aggrieved, sad reaction that Anakin is completely blindsided because it's not the sarcastic, petty resentment he kind of expected? It's just... desperate depression.

And someone gently has to explain that this is the third time they've had resources restricted to only GAR employees and that it's a polite way of saying "prioritize natborn officers, stop wasting resources on clones, we can replace them easier."

Or maybe he doesn't ask, because he's just there to take notes, not argue, and he can see the masters drawing up a response that amounts to "We would like to remind you that our soldiers do not fall into that classification, and to limit their access to our medical supplies is liable to cause a loss of life that we find unreasonably high. Please see the annotations attached to adjust wording so that the clones may receive the same level of care."

Anakin's internally just like "Yeah, that's phrased nice and addresses the main problem, Palpatine will obviously agree and change it!"

And then he comes in the next day and the response comes in and it's just dripping condescension about considering the clones actual people.

"This is why we can't use the bacta tanks on clones anymore, just the patches. We could use them at first, we had a few of the CCs get through fatal injuries with them, but they cut that off and said we could only use the tanks on Jedi and non-clone officers a few months ago. The Banking Clans keep tightening their belts on the army, and the Chancellor insists we put citizens first, and the clones aren't citizens. We've been arguing back as much as we can, but he keeps going on about the economy and we can't... we just can't, Skywalker. We're trying to save as many of our men as we can, but..."

Something like "Allocation of resources reiterated, the Kaminoans have assured the senate that the Jedi are far from exhausting the resources ordered."

And Anakin's like. He can't blame the council for lying about Palpatine's past or future actions. He just saw Palpatine's actions. Those actions were to order people under his control to throw away lives he saw as replaceable commodities.

These are his friends' lives.

His soldiers are being thrown away by a man in a tower that he trusted.

And then that man has the gall to suggest it's the council's fault.

Palpatine is good at what he does, especially in public, he dresses it up in flowery language and everything, but Anakin's just like "Those are my FRIENDS and also this is??? How slavers talked about their property on Tatooine???? FRIENDPATINE, WHAT THE FUCK."

Anakin can be passive aggressive sometimes as well as outright aggressive. So if he brings up the guidelines and why they make him upset in general terms, and Palpatine says something about how he’s sad the council doesn’t care about the clones...

Anakin, internally, having just watched the council scramble to save as many clones as possible within the guidelines that Palps handed down: Uh-huh.

(Anakin is just the gay horror teeth gif from queer eye.)

Just. “Yeah, funny you say that, Palpatine! Because as I remember, you told the council not to waste more resources than necessary while Mace Windu was arguing to expand the treatment range!”

Palps doesn't even have time to salvage the situation or attack Anakin because Anakin just bulldoze rants for fifteen minutes and then storms out.

Anakin... maybe does a little treason and gets a copy of the orders so he can ask Padme "Hey, can you explain the politics of this?" and doesn't tell her who wrote it so she isn't biased (he tells her that this is why he's not sharing the author's/speaker's name), and just lets Padme pick apart all the 'this is a nice way of saying they don't view the clones as people' details.

Alternately, someone on the Council sees Anakin dithering and manages to get him to admit that he's not great at political language and wants to ask someone to help him understand the full implications. The person--Mace? let's go with Mace--is aware that Anakin is on good terms with Senator Amidala, if not necessarily aware of the depth of said relationship. Mace points out that he's probably going to be seeing her soon just because he usually does and, as a Senator, she can get easy access to these sessions since they're not about specific missions, just allocation of resources, etc. It's not an optimal solution, but she's got a bit more free time than anyone else Anakin knows with the clearance levels, like Order members that are actively involved in the war effort.

Anakin dithers and panics and Mace, trying to be helpful, tells him that plenty of Jedi have made friends among the Senate over the years, didn't you know Qui-Gon Jinn was a personal friend of Former Chancellor Valorum?

At any rate, Anakin goes to Padme and asks her to explain it to him, because she knows how to phrase things so he gets it.

Anakin has to have her pause and he goes outside and destroys some things halfway through.

(Anakin maybe thinks back to the times Padmé or Obi-Wan were really obviously frustrated and when he asked, they said stuff like “I can’t stand Palpatine rn, sorry Anakin I know he’s important to you and you don’t want to talk about politics, let’s just talk about something else.”)

(Obi-Wan: I don’t trust Palpatine Anakin: you just don’t like politicians in general Obi-Wan: yes that is also true)

(Obi-Wan does like Bail and Padme but he does also talk a bit about how politicians generally aren’t to be trusted.)

[jillianallen14]

Spirk fanfic rec

Some amazing Spirk fanfic to bless your dash because I’m falling in love with this shit all over again (this is like the 10th time this has happened lol):

Entering Orbit:  Jim escapes to Iowa to avoid the media frenzy following the Narada incident, but a late-night miscommunication results in Spock turning up on his front porch; rated m; 30,957 words

Papers in the Roadside:  Non-Starfleet AU. Jim owns a small bar in Chicago, keeps on picking up strays and taking care of everyone no matter how hard it makes his own life. Spock is a journalist writing feature articles for the Chicago Tribune; he depicts the world with uncanny skill, but hides more than one personal drama and is possibly under surveillance from the Vulcan royal family. They meet by accident just before their lives start to spin out of control; rated e; 49,637 words

Take Refuge in What You Know:  AU - Kirk has moved into a apartment/house and wants to get to know his neighbors. He meets his neighbor Spock, a loner who suffers from extreme agoraphobia. Kirk thinks he's beautiful enigma; rated e; 120,334 words

Listen, this is not only my favorite Star Trek fic of all time, it’s also one of my favorite fanfics in general. It’s right up there with Text Talk and The Shoebox Project from the HP fandom, which if you’ve read, you know are incredible and frankly life-changing. And this fanfic changed my life. The description the author gives doesn’t do the beauty of this fic justice. I suffer from agoraphobia and Spock’s depiction as an agoraphobic man was probably the most well-researched, sympathetic, empathetic, caring, realistic portrayal of what it’s like to be agoraphobic that I’ve ever witnessed in fiction. It made me cry like a child because I had never felt so seen and understood. This writer is incredible, and this fic is incredible. I can’t recommend it enough. It’s an AU, which I’m usually pretty wary about, but it barely even feels like an AU. It just feels like Jim and Spock. The author’s understanding of both of their characters’ is perfect, like just a spot-on portrayal of who they are. This fic genuinely helped me accept who I am and helped me understand that I am capable of & deserving of love. If you don’t read any other Star Trek fics (and you def should read more Star Trek fics because they’re amazing), then let this one be the one you read. I dare you not to read it three times in a row like I did.

Observations:  First Officer Spock comments on life aboard the Enterprise and his service under Captain James T. Kirk; rated m; 500,000+ words.

So the author of this fic actually did a thing where they made this fic into two books (similar to what The Shoebox Project authors did many years ago in the HP fandom). They don’t get any money from people buying the books; the cost is just to go towards producing the books. This fic is the equivalent of two LARGE novels. We’re talking 600 pages & up. It’s a huge fic. Now, that being said, I read it in one day. ONE DAY. It’s that good. This is another one of my all-time favorite fics, though not quite as dear to my heart as the one I listed above. It’s focused on AOS, and tbh, I forget that what happens in this book isn’t actually canon. Like it’s so well-told, it just feels like it’s now part of the timeless story of Kirk & Spock. The “professional” Star Trek writers would never be brave enough to do what this author does with Kirk and Spock, though. This fic will make you angry, will make you laugh, will make you cry. It has such a good grasp on every single character. It also shows the love between the crew of the Enterprise, which is always a treat, and it’s beautifully done in this fic. It has a sorta-enemies-to-lovers arc between Spirk and an enemies-to-close-friends arc between Spock and McCoy that is beautifully done and fleshed out. This fic is definitely a journey to go through, and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s extremely slow burn, and you will want to slap both Kirk and Spock (and McCoy) upside the head at certain points lol. 

Of Coffee Beans and Green Tea Leaves:  The progression of a relationship, through Coffee Beans and Green Tea Leaves. Basically, it’s an AU where Kirk works at a coffee shop to pay his way through school, and Spock visits often. rated t; 16,429 words

Love, love, love, this fic. It’s cute, it’s in character. They have kind of a rocky start together, so it’s got a little bit of that Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy i-hated-you-but-now-i-love-you-marry-me vibes to it. I’m a sucker for that, if you haven’t figured that out by now lol. It’s really good, and a really enjoyable read. And it’s not too long, if you’re in the mood for something on the shorter end of things.

 Please Don’t Touch the Vulcans:  The "yes" is out of Jim's mouth before he can think about it. Jim is chipper about having time off for the holidays. He asks everyone if they want to spend time together but sadly, everyone ditches Jim over the holidays because they have plans. McCoy visits his daughter, Nyota visits her family, and everyone splits. Not knowing Spock has feelings for him, Jim doesn't even bother asking if he wants to spend time together figuring he has something to do. Something cute, romantic with the boys spending time with one another and confessions; rated m; 17,690 words

Super cute and has lots of Sarek, which idk about y’all, but I’m always a fan of. Sarek and Jim kind of get to know each other a bit, and it’s cute. Sarek knows about they’re in love before Spock & Kirk know lol. If I remember correctly, there’s also some appearances from everyone’s favorite: Old!Spock! You also get a little bit of jealous and protective Young!Spock. So you’re in for a real treat with this one. 

The Ren shat’var Trilogy:  A split-second decision changes Jim's life forever, as he enters into a bond with Spock in the face of certain torture. Enemies to the Federation emerge from unlikely places, and the command team must contend with unexpected threats, as well as challenges within their own intense relationship. In this three-part series, the Enterprise races across the galaxy to confront the unknown, and Jim and Spock discover the true significance of their unprecedented connection; rated e; 184,411 words

Textual Attraction:  Valentine’s Day does not bring up pleasant memories for Cadet Kirk. But the serendipitous switch-up of his cell phone with a particular Vulcan professor’s will make his day far more interesting –and romantic. Perhaps some new memories can be made! 15,900 words

SO GOOD. Just SO good

Spaceman:  Academy AU. Five times Spock realizes he's attracted to a barista at the academy spaceport, and one time he decides to do something about it. rated t; 3728 words

Short, sweet, funny. You’ll love it.

Subtext: Texting your Vulcan first officer in the middle of the night is never a good idea. Especially when you have an obsessive crush on said Vulcan.The holidays are approaching and Jim is left entirely Spockless aboard the Enterprise when his First takes shore leave on New Vulcan. After some midnight pining, Jim sends a text he instantly regrets. That is, until Spock responds and willingly continues their textual communications to an inevitable conclusion; rated t; 13,032 words

Cute, sweet, funny. It’s a texting fic. I think you’ve probably figured out I love those. This one makes me laugh so fucking hard. Like actually laugh-out-loud-omg-did-i-just-snort kind of funny. Spock is great in this one

All Spock Wants For Christmas:  While Jim is away on a delegation mission, he panics about what to give Spock for Christmas. With help from Bones and Uhura, and in between some spam texting with Spock, Jim realizes he already has the perfect gift. And all it needs is wrapping paper and a bow; rated t; 11,966 words

And here we have another cute, sweet, funny texting fic. Sue me lol

The Morning After:  Jim convinces Spock to take shore leave with him on Risa, hoping the time together will help re-solidify their bond of friendship after some recent tension. Meanwhile, Spock convinces himself he's on Risa for one reason and one reason only, to prevent his wayward captain from getting into trouble. After a passionately illogical night of Romulan Ale and chocolate infused liquor, everything changes when Jim wakes with something other than a hangover filling his head. Something he's sure neither he nor Spock can handle. Because if Jim knows anything for sure, it's that his messed up thoughts belong nowhere near Spock's clean, ordered mind; rated m; 50,381 words

HAHA. This fic fucking cracks me up. You’ve got drunk boys pining over each other & not realizing it. You’ve got accidental marriage. You’ve got bed sharing. It’s great, it’s cute, it’s funny. 

Take This Sinking Boat (And Point It Home):  In which Spock pines, Jim isn’t stupid (except he kind of is), and Christopher Pike has had enough of this bullshit; 6698 words

Pike is great in this one, and it’s super, super funny.

Extracurricular Activities:   Spock returns to the Academy from a tour of duty to find an intriguing cadet captures his attention; rated e; 15,433 words

Veritas: Basically, Kirk and Spock are on trial because the Federation thinks they are emotionally compromised by each other, which is putting the lives of their crew in danger. They have to convince a court they’re not actually in love with each other. They think the claims are bullshit. They think it will be easy to prove that they aren’t in love or emotionally compromised, damn it. It isn’t; rated m; 186,80 words

This one is so, so good. A real gem off of Fanfic.net. I remember it was actually one of the first Spirk fanfics I ever read, and it blew me away. The progression of their relationship is really well-done and interesting. It has star-crossed lovers vibes and has some really emotionally intense moments in it, especially for Spock. 

A Habitual Affection:  Living in 1930s New York with the Vulcan you're secretly in love with is no simple thing. But Jim never liked anything simple. And then, the big snowstorm hit...; rated t; 7998 words

A beautiful TOS fic about one of the gayest episodes of Star Trek. Love this one. 

Atlas:  Between what was and what will be stands James Tiberius Kirk, in all his fractured patchwork glory. Because saving the Federation was only the beginning; rated t; 135,529 words

A beaut. Really great characterization, and the progression of Jim and Spock’s relationship is really well-done.