#but look I need to explain why I haven't been doing much writing lately okay

[justwhisperingfantasies]

Memories Part 1

Characters: Dean Winchester x Female Reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel. Mention of other SPN characters.

Warnings: near-death experience, language, angst (kind of), cute dean, fluff (kind of) not exactly cannon.

A/N: This is my first ever fic post. Please go easy on me. Hope you enjoy

Summary: You've had your memory wiped and sent off to your death. Sam, Dean, and Cas save you just before it is too late. the guys struggle with being strangers to you after all the years you have shared. You are forced into a life-altering dilemma.

Word count: 3,142 words

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This is it. This is how I die. You thought to yourself.

After all the hunts, all the monsters, all the bullshit. 

You hear the door being kicked down as you think about everything you would have done differently.

"CAS! Get over there she needs you!"

You feel arms wrap around you and then lift you as you slip into the darkness.

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You wake in a panic on a strange bed. Sitting up to examine your wounds, but there's none to be found. What the hell?! I should be dead. Was it all a nightmare? It couldn't have been, It felt so real! Where the hell am I? You scan the room and notice there is a small writing desk in the far left corner. A sink with a mirror above in the far right corner. A  door that was halfway open in the middle. Nothing fancy.

"(y/n)"

You turn your head in the direction of the voice. Your eyes find a man with dark messy hair, a lighthearted expression, and the bluest eyes you've ever seen.

"(y/n), Everything is alright. Don't freak out. My name is Castiel. I'm here to help. We are lucky we found you when we did."

"Umm.." just as you were about to blurt out every question that came to mind his cell phone started ringing. He gave you a soft smile and answered it.

"Dean..... Yes, she's alive... Yes, I healed them all…..  She seems to be okay. Maybe a bit confused... Sitting in the spare bedroom looking at me like I have 3 heads..... Well, I haven't gotten a chance to explain everything.... okay, see you soon."

All these thoughts and questions are swirling in your head, but you've lost the ability to talk.

"Before we get into it, do you need anything? Thirsty? Hungry? Bathroom?" Castiel asked, putting his phone away.

You Shook your head no, still at a loss for words.

"Alright then, like I said. My name is Castiel. I'm an angel..."

You laugh out loud at the world angel. "You're an angel?! Like an angel of the lord?"

"Well yes, but exactly." 

"You're an angel? And you came to save me?"

"Yes. As I was saying, we are here to help you."

"We?"

"My friends and I."

"Let me guess they are angels too." You say rolling your eyes. "Look, bud, I've seen some crazy shit in my life, but angels?!"

"With all the crazy shit you've seen in your life.." He mocked you. "Why are angels so hard to believe?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"One, I have no idea why this is so amusing to you. Two, if you are an angel of the Lord." You mocked him right back. "Then where is he? What kind of god would let there be so much evil and unnecessary death in the world?"

He chuckled "I didn't say he was a good person or that he even cares, but I know he does exist."

"Then he's not much of a god now, is he?" you were starting to get very annoyed. "okay, I believe you or whatever, can we just get to the point? Why am I here? How did I get here? Where is here? And how do I get home?"

"Well, I could have started explaining everything  if I didn't get interrupted." He stated. You couldn't tell if he was being an ass or if he didn't banter well. You made the gesture of zipping your lips. You probably wouldn't believe anything this psycho said. but you might get another good laugh. "You see (y/n) we have met before. we had this same conversation already."

"Wha.."

"Ah, I thought you zipped it?" He teased smiling 

RUN!! Your mind screamed at you but found yourself compelled to keep listening.

“Three months ago you were captured by the British men of letters,” The confusion must have shown on your face. “It's a hunting organization. They conducted a brainwash memory wipe experiment on you. Then forced you to work for them. We spent countless hours searching and trying to track you, but with your brains and their technology, it was impossible.” 

You looked up to find guilt in his eyes. You quickly looked back down as you crossed your legs and started fidgeting with your hoodie sleeve. 

“You started asking too many questions. They decided you weren't worth the risk. So they mind-wiped you once more, then sent you to your death.”

“The vampire nest,” you interrupted, an apologetic grin on your face.

“Yes. There weren't just 6 vampires living in that nest. There was about 20. You are an excellent hunter, but you couldn't handle 20 vamps that also had a heads up.”

“But how did you find me?” 

“We got a call from one of them, he explained everything and gave us your GPS information.” He explained. “Do you remember anything before the vampire nest mission?”

“Sort of. I know that I had been working for them for a while, but I don't remember the group name or any of the individuals’ names. I didn't even question it. It's like I just knew I had a mission and it had to be completed. Seems pretty damn stupid now.” you confessed as you got on your feet and started pacing near the bed. 

“y/n, you were brainwashed you can't blame yourself. They programmed you to listen not to question things.” 

“Yeah, I guess. Still, I feel so stupid. But why me? Why am I so special? Why does an angel and his friends care so much? Why would a British hunting organization come for me?” you were a good hunter sure, but not the greatest.

He was just about to answer when the sound of a familiar voice made you stop in your tracks.

“CAS?!” You had heard it earlier just before you passed out. 

“In Here” Castiel yelled back with a smile 

You heard heavy boots rush down the hall. 

You jumped at the door slamming against the wall as two brawny men bursts in. Relief washed over their faces the second they saw you.

The shorter of the two looked at Castiel for reassurance. 

“Dean. She's alright, Just confused, and maybe a bit nervous.” He had noticed your telltales signs. 

Dean looked back at you raising his eyebrows like he was waiting for your confirmation.

“Very confused, but physically I feel fine.” 

He rushed over to you, and before you could react, you were in his embrace. You were resistant at first, but the feeling of his arms wrapped around you made you feel at peace. You inhaled deeply as the sandalwood, vanilla musk that had a hint of leather and gunpowder swirled around you. It's like you could feel the anxiety drain out of you. And you couldn't help but hug him back,

“I'm sorry," he said as he untightened his arms. “I'm just really glad that you’re okay.” a touch of pink on his cheeks as he stepped back a little. 

“It's alright” you smiled at him. You were more mad that it ended rather than it happened, but there's no way you would admit it. “So Castiel, an angel of the lord. (you pointed at Cas) Dean is a strange guy who likes to hug. (you then pointed at Dean) And?.” you pointed at the towering man. You saw the hurt in their eyes even though they all tried to hide it with a smile.

‘I’m Sam.” he introduced himself. “The giant with great hair.” his smile got a little bigger. 

“Gotcha” you giggled. Your laughter eased the tension in the air a little bit.

“You got to be hungry. Let's go find something to eat,” Sam said, gesturing to the door.

“I am starving. Lead the way, Bunyan.” your lips twisted into a teasing smile. This whole situation was so weird. You actually trusted these 3 strangers. Well, they did just save your life you argued inside your head. There was more to it than that. You could feel the love and care they had for you.

He chuckled as you guys walked out the door.

Dean walked over and shut the door. “Well, it's nice she still has her banter, huh,” he said, smiling.

“Yes. although it does hurt when she looks at you like a stranger…” Castiel's words stung, but Dean knew they were so freaking true.

“We are going to fix all that. I talked to Mick on the way over. He was getting on a plane. He said he would call when They landed. That was about an hour ago. So I guess we just hang out and get tortured until he gets here.”

“Sounds great,” Castiel said sarcastically. “Dean, I don't mean to be the “Debbie downer”, but with all the crazy she's been through do you think there's a chance she doesn't want it fixed?”

Dean shot Cas a bewildered glance.

“Think about it. If you got rid of all your bad memories and bullshit, would you want it Fixed?” The sadness showed in Dean's eyes. “I'm not trying to be an asshole. Just looking At the situation and all the options.” Castiel explained. 

“Yes! I would fix it in a fucking heartbeat. I wouldn't trade my Good memories for anything.” Dean exclaimed. He couldn't help but feel hurt. He and (y/n) had some great memories. It would kill him if she chose never to get them back. “I'm gonna grab her some clean clothes. Betcha Sammie is gonna make her favorite,” he said walking towards the door.

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You followed Sam into the hallway. It was brighter out here with a blueish tile halfway up the wall. The upper half was a painted white drywall. All the doorways were accented with a pretty white brick.

“What the heck is this place?” you have never seen anything like it.

“Did Castiel get to the men of letters?”

“Yeah, well, the British ones.” 

“ Well, there was an American chapter too.”

“Was?”

“From What I read, back in 1958, some experiments they were doing went wrong and killed most of them The survivors were never seen again. This was their bunker. Dean and I are legacies Apparently.”

He led through a doorway that opened Into a big, beautiful library. Your eyes went wide. So many books, So much lore, and kick-ass swords on display. 

“Yeah, you always did like this room .” He said with a smile. 

“It's beautiful! I get to borrow all your books right? “

he chuckled, “I'm Pretty sure you've read most of them. 

You laughed “Too bad I can't remember any of it.”

“Shit, I'm sorry. “ he said as he closed his eyes and shook his head

“Don't worry about it, big guy. I'm just giving you shit.”

He started walking in the direction of another doorway.

“So I was thinking of making your favorite, but I can make something quicker. I'm sure Dean and Cas wouldn't mind going out even if that's what you want.”

“I can…”

“You can let me make you something.” he cut you off in a teasing tone.

You rolled your eyes “ Fine, Just whatever is easier for you. Although it would be easier if we just went out.” You had a tough time with letting people take care of you. 

You have a look around the kitchen. It was nice, very spacious. A bit dull compared to the library though. No cabinets, they had a decent-sized island with shelves under it. A baker's rack on the far side. They had a walk-in pantry and tons of fridge space. Okay, this kitchen was pretty badass you admit to yourself. The best part was the coffee machine. A Bella Pro Series Combo. It Makes a pot of coffee on one side and espresso drinks on the other. You always took coffee seriously, but you would never have thought that these guys would. 

“Do you mind if make a cup?” you asked as you walked up to the machine. 

He smiled. “Should have known. Have at it, But just a heads up you will probably be making more than one.”

“Eh, I'm okay with that. Do you want one?”

“Oh my God, yes!!” 

His reaction made you chuckle “I wouldn't peg you guys as serious coffee people.”

“We aren't really. Dean bought that for you a couple of years ago. He said he got tired of you complaining about the old one.” He smiled.  “Dean and Cas are probably gonna want one too. It's been a while since we had your coffee.”

You look up to see Dean walking in. You make eye contact and he grins from ear to ear. His bright green eyes filled with love. Your knees go weak and you can't help but mirror his smile. 

“Hey, bab…. err (y/n) I got you some clothes so you can clean up,” he said still smiling. You traded him the clothes for his coffee. Which he immediately put to his lips and sipped. “Mmmm. God I missed this.”

“So (y/n) how does (your favorite food) sound?” Sam asked. You didn't want to burden him but he just seemed so excited to make it for you. 

“That sounds amazing.” You smiled 

“Dean can show you around and I'll get started.” He said pulling food out of the fridge. 

You turned to Dean. He pointed at the extra coffee sitting on the counter “Cas.? You nodded. He picked it up then nudged his head toward the doorway and started walking. You followed. 

“How ya feelin?” He asked as you guys walked into the library. 

“ I told you I'm feeling Fine. Nothing hurts, no holes.” 

You guys walked over to Castiel. He was sitting at the first of two long wooden tables. He had a laptop in front of him and books open on both sides.

“Here bud.”  Dean handed the coffee over. 

Castiel looked up from the book in his hands. His eyes flashed to you then back to Dean. Dean smiled and nodded his head.

The excitement showed on Castile's face. “Thank you!!”  you grinned. 

Dean started walking again. You followed him into the next room. There was an open staircase on the opposite side and a huge table in the middle. As you pass the table you notice the top is a screen-like world map. He noticed you looking at it. “Sam seems to think it's some kind of radar. We can't figure out how to get the damn thing on though.” you nod as he leads you up the stairs.

“Well I'm glad Cas got you healed up, but I wasn’t asking about your physical state. You almost died, had everything healed, met an angel, and were told that you have a past life you can't remember. On top of that, you have two creepy guys smiling at you and telling you they're so glad you're back.”

“Eh, another day in the life.” you joked trying to avoid your emotions.

He could read through your bullshit. “ Seriously, I know I'm a stranger in your mind, but I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it. All of it.” you gave him a half smile.

Topping the stairs he pointed to a door. “And here you will find an exit on your right” he gave you his best flight attendant voice.  Of course, you laugh. How could you not? He was so adorable.

He turned around still pointing “Down there's the uh dungeon slash storage.” he turned back and started walking “Our room is this way.”

“Our room?!” you raised your eyebrows

His body stiffened a little “ roomsss. I said our rooms.”

“Oh. my bad.” 

You continue down the hallway. “Here is the infirmary. We mainly use it for storage. You walk a little ways more. “Sammy's room”  he was sorta distant now. Was he really that offended that you misheard him? Right after Sam's room, there's a doorway. “ At the end of the hall, there's a stairwell” Little ways more. “This is my room.” he clenched his jaw after he said it. The hall continues but there's also a hallway on the right. He pointed down the hall you are in “man cave, another bedroom.”

“Man cave, No girls allowed?”

“Ehh usually not, but I guess you're cool enough” Finally some of the tension eased. And he turned down the other hall. There was a door on the left. “This one is yours”.

You walk up to the door and hesitantly open it. As you turn the light on your jaw drops. It's a totally different vibe than the rest of the bunker. the floor was a wooden panel. The walls a soft white with a clock on one and art on the other, a King-size bed in the middle that had white bedding with navy blue sheets and accent pillows. There were two nightstands on each side.  A navy blue dresser sat on the same wall as the door with picture frames all along the top of it. You walked over to look at them. You picked one up, it was a young couple holding a newborn baby in the hospital. You didn't recognize them. 

“That's your folks and you.” Dean was watching you while leaning on the doorframe 

“They look happy” You picked up the next one a young couple standing with arms around each other, next to a black car. It kinda looked like you and Dean. You looked up at him asking the question with your eyes.

“Yeah, that's us when we were 17,” he reassured you as he walked over “and this is us about 2 years ago.” he pointed to a picture of him kissing you on the cheek. He pointed at another. “This one is right after you. me. and Sam finished our first hunt together. We were 22. Sam was 18.” you were in the middle of them, blood splatters all over the 3 of you. You blinked back tears. “I took this one not too long ago.” it was of you and Cas making silly faces. He pointed to one of you and an older man. “This is Bobby Singer. He was a great man. Kinda a father figure to all of us.” the last one was a group shot. Cas, Sam, Dean, (with his arm around you) Bobby the man Dean just told you about, but he was in a wheelchair, and two blondes you did recognize. You pointed at the older blonde woman and looked up at Dean. “That's Ellen, she was like your crazy cool aunt, and Jo (he pointed at the younger one.)  was like your little sister.” A tear had managed its way down your cheek. Dean wiped it away. “It's gonna be ok. We have a way to fix your memory if that's what you want.”

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[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

i am a SUCKER for Dad Joel. was thinking maybe a pre pandemic story where reader and joel are trying for another child but cant so they adopt ellie (bc let's face it sarah and ellie would have ruled the world together)

*absolutly love your work babes 💕*

Thank you so much, darling! I'm glad you've been enjoying it. I did just melt my own heart writing this. 🤍🥺😭

I feel like it would be solid two years after the wedding. You had started trying even way before that but it never worked. No matter what you tried and trust me on it you two tried everything. Joel spent his breaks flipping through different magazines and books looking for any new ideas on how to get pregnant. But nothing happened no matter the acrobatics you two get on to. Money was tight as it was so getting through IVF or even getting you both properly tested for now was out of the picture. So you had given up on the idea of having your kids.

Joel could tell that it had started to weigh on you even if you tried to hide it and smiled through it. The smile was fake, Joel knew it. He had heard you crying for weeks at night. Alone in the bathroom. Thinking that Joel was asleep and you were safe to let your guard down. But he heard it all. You soul-crushing sobs, that even an open tap couldn't muffle out. He had wanted to bring it up multiple times but somehow he felt that it would only make it worse.

"Is everything okay with mom?", Sarah had asked him one morning when you didn't come downstairs for breakfast. Joel stiffened for a moment, "Of course hun. Why are ya asking?". Sarah's eyes were on the plate. She was old enough to understand when things weren't okay back at home. She also had grown up with you by her side so she knew you. "I just... Do you know that mom's been crying a lot lately?", Sarah didn't dare to meet her father's gaze and Joel in a way was thankful because he knew that the look on his daughter's face would have broken him. With a sigh, he pushed the skillet away from the heat.

"You know... We've been trying to get you a sibling", Joel said while pulling out a chair, Sarah instantly looked up with that hopeful gleam and Joel had to clench his jaw tightly, "But I'm afraid we won't be able to".

Sarah shook her head, "Why?", "We don't know. The doctor thinks there might be something wrong..."

A part of Joel felt weird explaining it to Sarah but they were so close. You all had been. You all talked about anything and everything, there were few to no topics that you all haven't discussed together. "But...", Sarah trailed off, "Mom will be okay?" Joel wished he knew an answer to that. The truth was he didn't. He wished he could make it better. Help you fulfill the desire of becoming a mother. "We just need to give her a lot more love now. Show her how much we appreciate her", Joel ran his fingers through Sarah's hair, as she bit her lip, "Can we make her breakfast in bed?", she suggested and Joel couldn't help a smile that spread across his lips. He knew that you two had done a wonderful job raising Sarah, "We sure can, baby girl".

They had done just that for the next couple of months. Joel had found a way to take a couple of days off. Taking his little family on a little road trip. As you all went on a hike, camping by the lakeside, enjoying the peace and quiet. Yet the biggest gift to Joel was seeing a smile on your face once again. A smile that reached your eye as you and Sarah sat in a flower field making flower crowns. Crowns that Joel happily wore as you both giggled away.

Sarah found you sat by the kitchen counter, biting your lip nervously as you looked through a pile of papers spread across the counter. "What are you doing?", her voice made you jump slightly as you turned to her. Shaking your head slightly, "Come look at this", you moved slightly, making space for her. Sarah frowned slightly not understanding what she was looking at. "Adoption options", you said to her quietly, "They send over a couple of matches for our family". Sarah scanned over the pictures splattered around. Taking a hold of the only baby picture there. Ellie the name tag read. Sarah turned to you, "She just got placed in the adoption facility. Her mother died while giving birth to her", you muttered. "Are we going to meet her?", your daughter's question took you by surprise slightly, "Would you want to?", Sarah nodded her head in agreement. "We'll talk it through with your dad then".

You were rubbing your hands together nervously as you drove to the adoption center. Joel was quick to place a hand on your thigh, slowly stroking your skin. "Breathe, gorgeous", he said softly, "What if she hates us?", you muttered, turning to him slightly, "Love, she's just over five months", "Yes, but she could still hate us. Hate me". Sarah reached out her hand towards the front seat, placing her hand onto your shoulder, "Mom, you are the best. I doubt there's a single soul who hates you". Joel hummed in response, "I agree with our mushroom over here", Sarah gasped, "Out of all the nicknames...", "You prefer fishy better?", Joel teased, making Sarah cross her arms over her chest as she sat back, "I will turn my sister against you and then we'll see who will be a mushroom", she said, making your heart skip a beat that she was already referring to her as a sister.

The time spent in a hallway felt like a lifetime. You managed to sit for the first five minutes but then your nerves got the best of you so you opted to passing the corridor. Sarah was invested in all the little cards and buckles on the table. Joel stood beside you. Arms wrapped around you as he occasionally pressed a kiss or two to your shoulders or neck. In hopes of making some of the nerves melt away. To remind you that you were in this together. That he was here. Like he have always been. And no matter what happened you three were going to get through it.

"The Millers?", a lady called out making you spin towards her in an instant, "Nice to meet you, I'll be supervising you today". She went on to explain how everything usually worked around here. The number of times you would have to come by and see Ellie before they would issue a statement allowing you to adopt the girl if that ended up being your final destination. But you barely heard any of it. Thankful for Joel who kept the conversation going, noting the most important things. Light cries filled the room as you four stepped inside, the desire to soothe the babe instantly blossomed inside you.

You stepped closer to the crib, "She's fussy today, so don't let it set you off", the lady said moving to reach for her but you quickly cut in, "Could I?". The woman only smiled, allowing you to carefully pick the fussy little girl up, as you held her closer to your chest. "Hi, baby girl. I know, I know that it's so scary", you cooed at her, brushing your thumb over her flushed cheek, "But I've got you, sweetie". Ellie's cries died down almost in an instant, her big eyes now staring up at you. You rocked her gently in your arms, smiling at her softly.

Sarah stepped closer to you, moving to look at the bundled-up baby. She took the backpack from her shoulders, reaching in to pull out a tiny dinosaur. She looked up as if asking for permission to also approach her. You moved down to sit on the chair that stood by the crib, allowing Sarah to see Ellie better. She wiggled the stuffy in front of the baby, making different sounds that eventually had Ellie flashing a gummy smile at her.

Joel watched you two from the side. He never doubted Sarah being an awesome big sister. That kid had so much love to give as it was. He knew that sharing it with someone else would have only made his little sunshine happier. But it was you who had Joel captivated. The way your body instantly fell into a motherly state. A wave of proudness washed over him. That was his wife there. Cradling a baby to her chest.

"Dad you should hold her", Sarah said, stepping to the side as she watched her father who had been lost in his mind. "Let your mother bond with her, sweetheart", he said softly but you shook your head, "She's right, you should hold her. She's been looking at you for a while now", you said, standing up carefully. Joel realized just how long it had been since he had held a baby. And his mind instantly jumped to a thousand and one ways that he could hurt her by accident. Support the neck, he told himself, don't press too hard, just hold her steady.

But the moment Joel felt the weight of her in his arms. With you still standing close to him. As Ellie gripped onto your finger. Joel suddenly felt complete. As if this wiggly worm in his arms was exactly what his family had been missing. The warmth of his body soothed the baby and after a close inspection of the man holding her, Ellie's eyes started to grow heavy. "That's a big yawn, baby girl", Joel muttered quietly as he carefully brushed his hand over her head. Sarah walked closer to you two, wrapping her arms around you both, and resting her head on Joel's side. You four just stood there for some time. Joel rested his head onto yours, as the baby between the two of you drifted into a calm sleep. Not a single drop of worry in your body. The lady stood there with a pleased smile on her face, knowing full well that you three were going to give Ellie the best and most loving home she could ever hope to get.

[munson-blurbs]

Saw your requests were open and just had an idea where Eddie survived the bat attack in s4 and is self conscious of the scars they left behind? Can be smut or fluff or fluffy smut I don’t mind :)

One fluffy fix-it fic, coming right up!

Warnings: so much fluff, so much angst, mentions of sex/nudity but no explicit details, descriptions of Demobat attack and scars, mentions of hating one's body

WC: 2.2k

A/N: Thank you for requesting this <3 I am so partial to Eddie's vulnerability, and this was really cathartic for me to write.

--

"Hey, Steve?" you turn to your friend and co-worker, who is busy checking out a group of 20-something women who just walked into Family Video. "Steve!" you call a little louder, finally getting his attention.

"Huh-what?" he looks over, flustered.

"Hi. Could you stop drooling over those college girls long enough to help me with something?" you tease, but your question is actually serious, something you need to confide in him.

Steve gives you the middle finger but rests his elbows on the counter and leans in. "Sure, fine."

"So you know how you and Robin set me up with Eddie over the summer?" you start, fiddling with your vest. You always play with your clothes when you're nervous.

"Uh-huh," he nods. "And as I recall, it was a great job on our part, because you two have been inseparable ever since." He laughs. "I call best man at the wedding, by the way."

You look down at the ground, tears welling in your eyes. "Steve, I...I don't think there's gonna be a wedding." you confess quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

"Y/N, what's going on? Are you...are you breaking up with him?" Steve looks heartbroken, almost as if you're breaking up with him and not his buddy.

"I think I have to. He's not interested in me anymore, but he won't pull the plug on it. It just keeps dragging on."

Steve wrinkles his nose and furrows his brows. He can't ask his follow-up questions because Robin bursts through the door, ten minutes late for her shift.

"Sorry, sorry, Vickie and I fell asleep and I thought I set an alarm..." she trails off after seeing the puzzled look on Steve's face and the devastated look on yours. "Who died?"

"Y/N and Eddie's relationship," Steve reports sadly as you elbow him.

"What?" Robin screeches, attracting the attention of the customers. She's unbothered by this as she continues, "why did you break up?"

"We didn't break up yet," you say as you glare at Steve, "but I can't stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with me. It's not fair to either of us."

"Is this a joke?" Robin asks you, then asks Steve: "Is she joking? She has to be joking."

Steve shrugs. "Seems pretty serious to me."

"Y/N, why on God's green Earth would you think that Munson isn't into you?" Robin's eyes keep shifting from you to Steve. "The man never shuts up about how much he loves you, how he 'found the one.' Honestly, it's kinda nauseating."

"Because..." you start, then drop your voice to a whisper, "we've been together for six months and we haven't done anything more than kiss. Fully clothed." You're so embarrassed to admit it. While most 20-year-old guys would be frothing at the mouth to sleep with their partner, or at the very least see them naked, Eddie would always pull the plug on make-out sessions once things got really heated.

Steve and Robin share a knowing look but say nothing.

"What?" you ask, desperate to be in on their secret. "What do you two know that I don't?"

Robin sighs. "Look, I'm the first person to tell girls to dump a loser boyfriend. But Eddie...his situation is more complex than that." She places a comforting hand atop yours. "Just talk to him before you end things, okay? Give him a chance to explain."

"Okay," you agree numbly, although you're not sure if you want an explanation about why your boyfriend is apparently repulsed by you.

~

After work, you drive to Eddie's trailer. He knows your work schedule and is already waiting outside, shivering in the cold December air.

"Eddie, what are you doing? It's freezing!" you call out as you turn off your car. The sound of your voice immediately puts a smile on his face.

"Waitin' for my girl to come warm me up," he walks over to your old truck to help you out, extending a hand as you hop out of the driver's seat. You take it, and as soon as your feet touch the ground, he pulls you in for a kiss. You're hesitant to return it, very aware of the impending conversation you need to have, and he senses your resistance.

"No kiss?" he asks, pouting his lips. He's so cute that it may kill you. You may literally die of Eddie Munson Sweetness Overload.

"Hey, um, Eds, can we talk inside?" you give his hand a quick squeeze. He stands frozen for a moment but then nods.

"Uh, sure. You're kinda scaring me, though." He shuffles ahead of you to open the door.

"Thanks." Your voice is barely audible. You make a beeline for the couch and pat the spot next to you. Eddie sits and takes your hands in his.

"Eddie, I need you to be honest with me. I'm tough; I can take it," you crack a small smile, trying to be brave when you actually feel like sobbing. "Do you want to be with me?"

Your boyfriend's eyes widen. "Of-of course, baby. Why would you think that I don't? I practically worship the ground you walk on. Just ask Steve and Robin!"

"Then h-how come," your voice breaks and you try to blink back tears, "how come you keep pushing me away when I try to take things farther? I don't want to pressure you, and I respect if you're not ready, but..." You feel a tear slide down your cheek and you get frustrated with your own emotions. "It's okay if you're not attracted to me," you finish quietly.

"Oh. Oh, sweetheart," he pulls you in for a tight hug, as close as he can get while sitting on a sofa. "Baby, that's not it at all. You are the most beautiful, sexy, incredibly gorgeous woman I've ever met." He rubs his eyes and you can practically see him overthinking. "Come with me," he says and leads you into his room.

"Now you're scaring me," you muse but listen. He moves an empty box of Honeycomb cereal from his bed onto his already overflowing dresser and sits you down.

"What I'm about to tell you is going to sound...insane, at the very least. But you can ask Robin and Steve. Even Dustin, although he's never much of a reliable source anyway."

And then Eddie launches into a story about a place called the Upside Down, a pseudo-Hawkins that's overrun with monsters and controlled by someone called Vecna. Vecna, he explains, is the reason why Chrissy, Fred, and Patrick died, and why Max was in a coma.

"And-and you remember the Starcourt Mall fire?" He's sputtering now, as though he's unable to stop talking now that he's started. "That damage was actually caused by a creature called the Mind Flayer. And it was defeated by Mike Wheeler's telekinetic girlfriend and Henderson's super genius girlfriend." He goes on about the Hawkins Lab, Russian involvement, government cover-ups, the Will Byers case that got his little sheep involved in this mess. You take it all in, processing the information silently.

Finally, after you stay silent for longer than Eddie would like, you tell him the words he's needed to hear: "I believe you."

"You do?"

"Yeah. There's always been something weird about this town, all of the disappearances and deaths and fires. I have a lot of follow-up questions," you joke lightly. "But...Eddie, what does this have to do with us not having sex? Does Vecna spare virgins? Because I hate to break it to you, it's a little late for both of us if that's the case."

Eddie shakes his head, tousling his curly mop of hair. "No, that's not it. When I got wrapped up in this, I was so determined to be a hero. I didn't think I had it in me, but after I played Sweetheart in the Upside Down, I just got this...rush, you know? This overwhelming urge to avenge all these deaths, to protect my friends. To be the hero I was too afraid to be outside of Hellfire." He swallows the lump in his throat.

"After Henderson and I ran back to Hawkins--the real Hawkins--the Demobats followed us. They were gonna infiltrate, so I-I went back."

"You went back?" you ask incredulously.

He offers a tight smile. "Hard to believe, isn't it? The same guy who's scared to show you a little vulnerability was voluntarily fighting off a swarm of bats in an alternate dimension."

"What happened?" you whisper, too stunned to cry, though you feel the tears prickling.

"They attacked me. It was awful. The screeching, the bites that seemed to come from all directions, like they wouldn't stop until..." He's trembling and lets out a heaving sob. "Dustin and Steve dragged me out, got me to the hospital just in time. A few more minutes and I wouldn't be here."

"No," you say involuntarily, not wanting to picture a world without Eddie Munson. Your Eddie.

"And every time I see the scars, I just think about how ugly they are, how ugly I am. I promised myself that I'd never let anyone else see them. But when I went to visit Robin and Steve at Family Video and I saw you, so damn pretty even in that horrendous uniform." You can't help but giggle at the compliment. "Harrington was totally oblivious, but Robin noticed me staring at you right away and told me that I'd be a complete moron if I survived all of that and didn't even attempt to get your number."

"That's why you came to visit when they weren't working," you mused, mostly to yourself.

"Honestly, I figured we'd go out, you'd realize what a loser I am, and that would be it. I never thought..." he brings your hand to his lips, kissing it softly, "never thought that we'd love each other this much."

"Of course I love you, Eddie. I'll always love you," you reassure him. "And I'll keep loving you after you show me your scars."

"Okay. I'll show you. But I want to warn you, even though they're healing well, they're still..."

You interrupt him gently. "It's okay. I'm ready."

Eddie nods and stands up. He slowly lifts his shirt and grimaces slightly. You stifle a gasp. His torso is marred with grotesque bite marks, fading but still prominent. There are parts of his skin that look mismatched, and you realize that the Demobats took so much of him that he needed skin grafts. You hear a sniffle; he's crying harder, and you wipe the tears from his face.

"Can I touch them?" you whisper. "Or will it hurt too much?"

"Just be gentle," he concedes. You lightly run a finger over the pink ridges, in awe of his courage.

"Eddie, you're so beautiful," you say finally and allow yourself to cry alongside him. "How could you ever believe that I'd think otherwise?" You lean in and place soft, purposeful kisses all over his chest and stomach.

"You don't think they're disgusting?" He looks down, defeated. "Because I do. I hate them. Hate them so fucking much."

"I think..." you choose your words carefully. "If I could take away the pain you went through, the pain that led to these scars, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But the scars themselves? Never." You pull him back down so he's sitting next to you again. "They're part of you, and I love every part of you."

Eddie takes your face in his strong hands and kisses you until you're both forced to come up for air.

"I'm not really ready to take my shirt off for long periods of time. I don't even like to shower anymore because I don't want to see them. I just do it so I don't smell for you." He smiles through his tears.

"And I am so appreciative," you joke back. "We don't have to do anything involving undressing until you're ready, Eds. There's no pressure, okay?" You pause for a moment before asking, "But if your concern was with me seeing you, why did you always stop me when I tried to take off my shirt?"

Eddie bows his head bashfully. "I didn't want you to think I was just some douchebag trying to get you naked without ever, y'know, reciprocating."

"So what you're saying is that you're okay with me..."

"Sweetheart, I am more than okay with that," he murmurs, pressing another kiss to your lips. "I think about it more than one man should, honestly."

You pull your legs underneath you and snuggle into Eddie's chest. "Good to know." He looks at you amusedly and you clarify. "I'm being serious! I'm glad you like the way I look. I was worried that you didn't."

His arm snakes its way over your shoulder. "Never want you to feel like that again."

You hold out your pinky. "Promise me that we won't hide from each other anymore. When something upset us, about ourselves or about each other, we'll be honest about it."

Eddie smiles, a sight so beautiful that it takes your breath away. He wraps his pinky around yours.

"I promise."

--

[sparkles-oflight]

Polaroid Photos - Part 1

Master Post | Chapter 2

Hi everyone! This took a long time to make :V

As you can imagine, I had to do a lot of research for this. A lot of it is fictional, but a lot of it is true! I'll leave a list on the final notes with my sources, though I couldn't remember where some of the things were from.

I got help from a lot of people on Tumblr to find them and I'd like to thank them!

Btw, I wrote this before *vaguely gestures at Bakery* that whole situation happened

(kinda wish I had written more bakery now):

As I'm writing this, I haven't written chapter 3… yet.

But I've been wanting to get this out since FOREVEEEER.

Hope you enjoy it.

The year was 2000... The Guštins’ household had their first child: a boy born from the love of a Dutch woman and a Slovenian man. His name is Kris. He’s a couple of months old, but now that he finally can sleep through a full night his mom decided to meet up with a friend, leaving the “two men of the house” – as she called them – alone.

Yet, Kris had never slept without his mom, so he was irritated, whining in hopes she would show up to sing him his usual lullaby song.

Guštin wasn’t sure of what to do since Kris seemed to hate every time his dad tried to sing the song in his mom’s place, almost as if he was mocking his poor attempt at singing in Dutch.

He got closer to Kris to get him the pacifier.

- Ugh, why are babies so ugly? – he sighed as he finally gave the object to his son which seemed to do the trick to calm him down – See, you are much cuter like that.

Guštin put his hands on his forehead and massaged it.

- I need to tell your mama we can’t be alone anymore because you clearly have a bias for her voice. And I’m a singer!

He looked down to see his son staring at him with beautiful calm blue eyes. Then he noticed Kris was moving around with his fingers almost as if he was playing the guitar, which reminded him that his son had not yet seen a guitar – he hasn’t played at home lately after all.

- Wait a minute, okay? – he smiled and kissed his son on the forehead.

Guštin rushed down the stairs and returned to the room with his acoustic guitar.

- Kris, this is a guitar. You’ll love it. – he sat next to him – Well, at least your mom did, you know? One day, I told her “Chantal, there’s something very important I need to tell you”, and you know how your mother is, right? She said, “Miha, I’m busy at the moment we can talk later”.

Miha tried to imitate his wife’s accent which made Kris chuckle a little at his father’s nonsense.

- But, Kris, when you have such big love for a woman, you just can’t hold it back. You’ll understand when you grow up. – he cleared his throat – So... I dedicated her a song. She didn’t speak Slovene at the time, of course, but it was the language I was able to express myself in rather than explain my feelings. And I gave her a sheet with the translation anyway. – he smiled nervously.

He looked a bit at the wall and tapped his fingers on the guitar before starting to play it.

- Mlin na veter me bo gnou. – “Windmill will push me.” - Da ne bom nikol' pristou – “So I never land.”

The melody at the start was very “repetitive”, almost as if raw, which was easier for Kris to get his head around the song.

- Glih zdej plavam čez oblak – “Right now I'm swimming across the clouds” - In me reže težek zrak. – “And the sharp wind is cutting me”.

Miha singing this song is no problem – usually. Now, singing it after telling a bit of his love story to his son? That’s wild.

- Al bo sonce, al bo sneg – “Let it be sun or snow” - Mene grab nervozn smeh. “I'm laughing nervously”.

It’s insane to him that he actually married the woman he loved so much, and that she came to his small country for him, and that they both have a child together!

- Rad bi ujel le njeno dlan – “I just wanna catch her hand” - Da ne odplavam predaleč stran... – “So, I don't swim too far” ...

The melody suddenly changed, and Kris’ eyes dilated as he felt chills across his body – even as a baby he felt connected to his father’s voice and emotions.

- Dnevi niso rok'n'roll – “Days aren't Rock n' Roll”- Ampak vedno tisji mol - “But a quietly descending minor”.

Miha looked at his son who looked delighted to hear his father for the first time and he couldn’t help but grin at him.

- Oči mi grize mrzu led – “Frost is biting my eyes” - Samo jaz vidim njeno sled. – “Only I can see her trail”.

As he sang, eventually, Kris fell asleep and that is still one of the memories Miha holds close to him to this day.

He remembers Kris’ childhood probably better than Maks’ and Maja’s because he was a bit hard to deal with. He remembers Kris coming home pissed for not being able to color inside lines at the kindergarten and start tearing up out of frustration. He remembers the day Kris told him and his mom he preferred Slovene food over Dutch food – a very happy day for Miha – and he particularly remembers Kris being upset after a summer vacation.

Miha and Chantal took Kris and Maks to a summer colony with their friends and the day they returned he asked his sons if they wanted to do it again, Maks mumbled “sure, whatever” while Kris started desperately sobbing because he wanted to live nearby the sea instead.

Both parents tried to find ways to make their son meet the sea more often to entertain him... But Kris made Miha worried. Maybe because he was the oldest, but he was worried because he didn’t seem to have a passion. Sure, he was playing football sometimes, but he never shared any interest in making a career out of it – nor did he have the skills from what Miha had seen. He also never picked up on the guitar even when his dad gifted him one. In fact, Kris looked annoyed at the gift, coldly even.

One day, however, Kris made a very big decision after school, when Miha was absent.

- Welcome home, Kris – Chantal told him as he entered the house.

- Hi, mama.

- Why do you look so gloomy? – she said, tucking his hair behind his ear – Did something happen?

- Mama, I want to cut my hair. – he declared.

She stopped moving her hand when he said that. He had beautiful long and straight hair, and she felt her heart tighten as he said that.

- What? Why?

He took off his shoes, put his jacket on the coat hanger, and dropped his backpack on the floor.

- I’m tired of being called a girl!

- Kris... you know your hair has nothing to do with who you are.

- I know that! You and Dad already told me about it!

- Then why do you want to cut your beautiful hair?

- What if I don’t want to have this hair?

- Then we can cut it, but remember, I’ll only help you with that if that is really what you want to do.

Kris took a deep breath and his flustered skin seemed to cool off for a bit.

- It is what I want to do. – he said confidently.

- Promise? – she smiled at him.

- Promise.

Chantal hugged him strongly.

Later, she told Miha about Kris’ decision which made him proud. Sure, you shouldn’t change just because someone told you something mean, but the fact Kris got the courage to declare something he wanted to do with himself seemed like progress to Miha.

One time, neither Miha nor Chantal could take Maja to dance practice and asked Kris to do it since they lived nearby after all. He didn’t seem so happy about taking his little sister there, but alas.

- Ugh, and where do I put this? – Kris sighed while waving around her bag.

Maja still couldn’t carry around her bag on her own and there was no way Kris was taking it to the girl's locker room. He would rather not be wanted for harassing children at the age of 14, thanks.

- You can... leave it with Ema.

- Ema, Ema... You are always talking about this Ema girl, who’s she? An old hag?

- Our teacher! Well, sometimes... Marija! – Maja yelled for another girl her age who walked in.

They both started talking so fast and with such squeaking voices that Kris could not keep up with the conversation.

Eventually, a girl around his age walked in.

- Marija, calm down! – she smiled.

This girl seemed like another older sibling trying to keep her sister calm, though she seemed calmer than Kris.

She’s tall, but not taller than Kris, she has blonde hair and green eyes, and Kris’ lips can’t help but form a smile since, to him, she looked so beautiful. In her voice, he also noticed a strong accent which he couldn’t exactly pinpoint where it came from.

- They can be annoying like that sometimes. Always talking kids’ stuff and... you know. – he put his hands on his hips.

- Yeah. Are you Maja’s brother? I’ve heard about you.

- Good or Bad things?

- Depends on what you consider good. – she smiled – Do you also do gymnastics?

- Nah, I can’t bear this actually, not really my thing.

- Oh really? I thought you’d enjoy something like gymnastics... like floor gymnastics. Though I guess men’s gymnastics doesn’t really have music.

- What? – Kris looked confused – What does that have to do with me?

- I mean, you are part of a family of musicians, aren’t you?

That struck a nerve in Kris’ head. He actually doesn’t get the hype around his family, and he doesn’t get his father’s love for the guitar and singing. He had one of his own and he probably only touched it once, if even that, since he got it.

- Oh God, we are late, Maja, Marija! – she said.

- Oh, sorry. – Kris gave her the bag as he snapped back in, he then noticed the girl was carrying around two bags – Ugh, nice talking with you.

- Nice to talk to you too, Maks.

- I’m Kris actually.

- Oh! Sorry, got the brothers wrong! – she smiled at him.

- What’s your name?

- Ema. See you around!

The three of them ran inside and Kris was left there slightly flustered.

“See you around”, she said. Kris would remember that. Kris would make sure to take Maja to practice as much as he could. He learned Ema was a year older than him and she came from Vrhnika to Ljubljana twice a week for practice and sometimes on the weekends to visit her relatives, and she was not Maja’s teacher, she just assisted the class sometimes.

With Ema, Kris developed a friendship and also a slight crush on her, though he didn’t act upon it... for a while at least. And while Kris loved spending time with Ema, he realized he didn’t have a passion like she had for gymnastics. What was he going to dedicate his life to?

Eventually, he decided to join the school’s newspaper. Becoming a journalist would probably help him with his grades, who knows? He only knew he was tired of having his Slovene teacher on his ass all the time. He has been speaking the language for his whole life, how come he’s failing at it?

Well, that didn’t matter because Kris actually took a liking into writing, though he wished he could give his opinion more often than just “stay impartial”.

One day, he was asked to interview the band Apokalipsa. He had been to one of their concerts before, though he couldn’t remember them that well. Honestly, the only reason he even remembered the name was because his father was collaborating with them for the school’s new anthem.

Kris walked to the gym where the band was having a rehearsal, and he could hear from the outside a bit of what they were playing.

Was that... “Led s Severa”? The song Kris’ father dedicated to his mom?

- In jaz grem tja, kjer je led iz severa.- “And I’m going there, where there’s ice from the North”.

Kris rushed to the gym and opened inside he yelled:

- Wrong!

The band suddenly stopped playing and started looking at this tall boy who interrupted.

- Who are you? – the drummer asked.

The small vocalist squinted his eyes to look at Kris.

- Are you... Oh! You are Gušti’s son!

- Yeah! – he got closer to them – And you are playing it wrong!

- What? – the singer laughed.

- This song isn’t played with distortion!

Kris started messing around with the pedals which seemed to get the singer pissed.

- Hey, yo, what are you doing!? Do you even know how to play the guitar?

- No, but-

- I’m so sorry, everyone. – a voice cut off Kris.

They all turned to look who had entered and it was Miha.

- What seems to be the problem? – he frowned his brow as he noticed Kris messing with the equipment.

- Nothing. – he said – I came to interview them, not you.

- Well, you should start by saying “hi”, next time. Sorry, guys, this is my rebellious son, Kris. – he pinched his cheek.

The singer smiled and extended his hand to Kris which he took hesitantly.

- I’m Bojan – he said – This is Martin, bass player, Matic is the drummer and Luka is the guitarist.

Kris had an interview with them as the original plan demanded. He noticed the one who was the most outspoken was Bojan. Bojan sure loved to talk, but he loved music somehow even more. Kris was actually fascinated by his passion, he almost... thought music was good.

To Kris, music was cold like ice which he was scared to touch... he was scared that the ice would melt under his touch, and he was scared of burning himself out with it... that’s why he never shared an interest in music... until the day he heard Apokalispa playing again.

More than their version of Led S Severa, more than the performance itself, Kris loved how Bojan interacted with the crowd. How he moved around and how he smiled. Sure, his voice needed to be worked a bit better, but he felt the need to see him more often and to... feel what Bojan was showing: confidence.

To him, Bojan’s presence is as if a bubblegum-pink flower was gifted to him to take care of. Flowers thrive with water and sun, but Kris had no way of watering it. How could he protect and help nourish such a precious object?

There was only one way... He had to melt the ice.

And for that, he needed help from someone who had managed to do it first.

When he got home, he touched the guitar his father had gifted him. He felt the steel chords against his skin and wondered how they sounded, how he could make them sound... Were they warm enough to melt that ice?

Miha was surprised to see Kris knock on his office’s door and to be looking at the floor as if he was.... embarrassed?

- Dad, can I talk to you?

- Sure, what do you want? - he set his guitar aside.

Kris entered and closed the door behind him and sat next to Miha.

- Can you... uhm. – he was a bit lost, but quickly recomposed himself – Dad, can you teach me how to play the guitar?

Miha’s face brightened up suddenly and he pulled Kris into a hug which the younger tried to uselessly fight against.

- FINALLY! – Miha kissed his cheeks, and he chuckled.

- I TAKE IT BACK, DAD!

Miha finally let him go and looked at him in his eyes.

- What changed?

Kris didn’t know how to reply... What was he going to say? “Ah yeah, flowers need water so I wanna play the guitar”? No way.

- I have this girl I want to impress. – he lied – And I think music would reach her heart.

Miha put his hand on his chest. “So, my son is in love...”, he thought.

Miha felt so happy for Kris loving someone so much that he’d be willing to change for another and to better himself.

- Dad, are you crying?

- Yeah. – he brushed the tear falling from his eyes away – You have grown so much.

Guštin tried his best to teach Kris the basics, but there was only so much he could do before Kris got lost or started complaining about how the chords hurt him. Okay, he can admit he’s not the best teacher... that’s why he decided to enroll Kris in guitar lessons during the summer.

Kris was presented to a quiet boy with dark hair and a beard. He was a year older than him and had only started playing recently too.

Kris didn’t like him much at first because he didn’t “go to the classes to make friends”, but then he heard him play and he was imminently blown away by the sound this boy could produce from the same instrument Kris had.

- Very well, Jan. – their teacher said – Jan, this is Kris. Kris this is Jan.

- Hello. – Jan smiled at him.

- Hi.

Kris was puzzled. How come such a quiet person has such a bright smile and sound?

After a while, their teacher suggested they play together and then a band... which they both seemed eager to start. Buržuazija was the name.

Kris started talking a lot with Jan even after classes and they started to hang out together often, plus Jan seemed to know Ema and he helped the two of them get together.

One day, after one of their shows, Bojan asked Kris for Jan’s number. He wasn’t sure why Bojan wanted his number, but Jan didn’t seem to mind. A couple of days later, Bojan invited Jan into a new band with Martin and Matic. Bojan invited Kris on the same day, but he hesitated at first.

“I’ll think of the matter”, he told him.

He talked to his parents about it. He wasn’t totally satisfied with how things were going with his band, and he would really like to play with Bojan and keep playing with Jan. Plus, he knew the Apokalipsa guys for longer... His heart had already decided for him, he just felt like he needed some sort of validation from his parents, which more than willing to give it to him.

They created a Facebook group chat and decided their name by throwing suggestions into the melting pot. Joker Out was the name they decided to stick to it. It has no meaning, it’s just something stupid they came up with.

They went on to write their first song, win their first competition, to have a break... Actually, when Kris stopped talking with Bojan during the band’s hiatus, he was also dumped by his girlfriend.

They were both at his house alone when the fighting started.

- I’m just trying to be honest with you and you keep letting me down! – he told her.

- WELL, IT’S TIME FOR US TO BE OVER THEN! – she yelled – IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO BE RUTHLESS TO ME!

- I’m just being honest!

- Honesty hurts sometimes, Kris! You are my boyfriend you are supposed to be on MY SIDE!

- I’m trying to not hurt you by not telling you pretty lies!

- Bye Kris.

- We aren’t-!

- I said: BYE KRIS! – she picked up her purse, flipped him off, and left the house.

He sat down and clasped his hands together...trying to cool himself but then he suddenly threw the ring she gave to him against a nearby mirror shattering it in pieces.

He couldn’t bear being in that suffocating room, so he left and rode his bike to the Ljubljanica River as tears fell down his face. This was the closest thing he had to a sea or an ocean... This small river.

Kris Guštin: My girlfriend dumped me

Janči: are you okay?

Kris Guštin: I don’t want to talk about it anymore

Janči: then what do you want?

Kris Guštin: I want to go out! I want to drink! And I want to forget about everything

Janči: alcoholic :/

In the end, they decided to go to a nearby gay bar. Jan insisted there were cool people there to talk to and it’s not like Kris was immediately planning to flirt with anyone after a rough breakup.

Kris stayed mostly isolated at that club, even after multiple guys tried to flirt with him, though it seemed like Jan was the one having the best time by flirting back at them.

Kris just wanted to drink, managing his emotions was a job for the “Kris of tomorrow”.

- And I was just being honest! – Kris laughed after God knows how many drinks – I just wanted the best for her.

- Hey! Are you going to drink that? – Jan pointed to Kris’ shirt in which he had spilled bear earlier that night.

- Drink what?

Jan licked the stain making him giggle and, eventually, Kris started to feel more motivated to talk to people and dance at the club.

Kris noticed a small guy with brown hair and eyes who seemed as excited as a little puppy, and they danced around each other almost all night. He can’t remember exactly what happened, but they both ended up kissing as the purple square lights painted the scenery in a beautiful mosaic.

He knew it was wrong... He knew it was wrong to kiss someone right after a breakup, but it felt so good. It was his first time kissing a guy, and he didn’t know it was supposed to feel this great! He didn’t know he wanted to entangle his fingers in his hair, kiss his neck, and make him moan all night. He didn’t know that.

He fought against the alcohol to avoid taking it further – Kris doubted his parents would feel great about him bringing a stranger back home as a 17-year-old.

In the end, Jan had to drag him out of the club and take him home.

After the band’s conflicts were solved, Kris started his last year of school, feeling now so much better than how he did during those months.

During Christmas vacations, he visited his family in the Netherlands as always, and that year he had been invited to spend New Year’s with a bunch of Dutch friends, which his parents allowed him to go.

Most of his friends had girlfriends or boyfriends who planned to kiss each other when the countdown reached zero – something Kris only came to find out an hour into their party.

He didn’t know whether one particular girl at the party was single or not. He didn’t even know her, actually. She seemed to know most girls there, but Kris had never seen her. She was a tall brunette with long hair and a very enchanting smile.

As both their friends left their groups to their partners, Kris and the girl ended up having to talk to each other.

Her name was Klara, and she was a year older and studied physics in Rotterdam. Her family was originally from Indonesia, just as Kris’ grandpa, and she seemed invested in Kris’ stories about Slovenia, and his band, and his friends and family and...

Kris got distracted talking to her. One of their friends had to basically drag the two of them to the balcony to see the fireworks.

- Should we kiss each other? – Klara asked Kris.

- Sure. – he sure hoped he could use the cold of Amsterdam as an excuse for his flustered face.

Kris and Klara had their first kiss that night, one that lasted a bit longer than you’d expect for a New Year’s kiss. It even got some of their friends telling them to get a room.

At the end of the night, they exchanged numbers and promised to meet again as Klara kissed Kris on the cheek goodbye.

They did end up visiting each other as often as they could during vacations and eventually started dating.

As seasons began to change, Kris decided to go to the river with some of his friends and when he finally got some time to lay on his towel, he felt a shadow being cast on him.

When he opened his eyes, he noticed a familiar face: Ema’s.

- Hello, Krisko. – she said hesitantly.

He didn’t say a word, instead, he just sat down, now left with an uncomfortable feeling brought by her presence.

- Can I sit next to you?

He didn’t say anything, instead, he looked at her hair, and at its new color: brown.

- How are things going for you?  - she asked – I imagine you have a lot of work now with university and... is the band still a thing?

- Yes. – Kris replied dryly as he couldn’t help but feel powerless next to her.

- I’m in Ljubljana for this week, spring break, you know how it is. – she chucked awkwardly – Listen, Krisko-!

- Don’t call me that.

- Oh yeah… I forgot I’m no longer your girlfriend so I can’t call you nicknames, I see. Does your new girlfriend call you that?

“News spreads fast”, Kris thought.

- What did you come here for?

She stopped for a while before talking again.

- Krisko, I miss you. – she declared – And I heard you had a new girlfriend and I noticed how much I missed you as my boyfriend and I-

- And you what?

- I forgive you.

- Forgive me?

- Yes! Like, I get it: Not everyone is great at giving up their values for others, but I understand that-

- You understood nothing! Please, don’t talk to me anymore! I want you out of my life!

- But Krisko-!

- Stop! I’m so done with you! You were the one who put an end to our relationship, don’t you dare crawl back and ask us to get back together!

- If that’s what you want, so be it! – she got up – But I dare you to try and keep up that “honest act” of yours and see who will be left in your friend group!

- My friends understand me unlike you! – he also got up.

- Oh, do they now, Kris? Or are you forgetting your band already broke up once because of you!? – she pointed to his chest – You and Bojan decided to fight for something stupid and the band broke up. You can’t keep relationships, Kris!

He breathed in slowly and then proceeded to remove Ema’s finger from his chest.

- The difference between Bojan and the band, and you is that I would come back to them over and over again! But to you? Sorry, Ema, I can’t even bear the sight of you anymore if you think relationships are something as fragile as that. The only reason your relationships are like that is because you could never change for someone else, Ema.

She looked at him in shock. She started crying and with one last yell:

- Fuck you, Kris.

And he never saw her again.

Kris picked up his stuff and texted the group about his departure.

When he got home, he immediately locked himself in his room with just his thoughts and the guitar.

He was bitter, and he wanted to play the aggressive chords and notes that came out of his heart and were played by his fingers.

He was done living in a world where his view was shaped by hers. He wanted to live in a world where he was allowed to see and experiment with all the colors, even the ugly ones, because what’s the point if not?

- This song is shit. – Bojan told him

- Seriously!? – Kris complained.

- Sorry not sorry, Krisko, but this is a no. We could always rework it if you want but I think this is really bad. Want my help?

- No, I don’t want your fucking help.

- Well, bummer. – he stayed quiet before he turned to smile again – Tell me again what you told to Ema?

- Bojan, enough.

- “The difference between Bojan and the band, and you is that I would come back to them over and over again”, I like that. – Bojan giggled and Kris threw a pillow at his face.

- We don’t talk about it anymore!

- Boo-hoo. I love you too. – Bojan went to Kris and grabbed his cheeks to kiss him in the face while the younger one protested.

After a few more rejected versions of the song, Kris came up with the final song and it was finally approved by all the elements of the band. The name? “Ne govoriva več o tem”(Ngvot) - “We don’t talk about it anymore”.

The next song Kris ended up writing was “Dopamin”.

At first, he was a bit lost on what to do since Bojan kept rejecting his song over and over again. He knew he wanted something to do with science because he wanted to sing it for Klara, but the lyrics sounded forced.

Then Bojan asked him to think of a moment. To think of a moment, or a touch, or a gesture, or a word that was dedicated to him and where he felt a rush of adrenaline, that’s where he would find his source of inspiration.

But Kris couldn’t think of anything. What would he choose? The few dates he had with Klara? Their first time? Their declaration to each other? Their first kiss? All of these sounded so basic to him. They sounded...overdone.

So, he chose another important moment of his life unrelated to Klara: the kiss he shared with the stranger at the club.

Sure, it’s not about Klara, but Kris felt such a rush of dopamine when he kissed those lips as if he would die if he spent any second apart from them, and maybe if he wasn’t so drunk he would have asked that person out, but now they were gone.

Yet Kris still puts his fingers on his lips when he thinks of that day as if he hoped to find him again and ask him what he did to shake his ground so much.

Eventually, Kris concluded he must be “some flavor of gay” – Jan facepalmed when he heard that.

For a while, the boys tried to fit their careers with their studies and jobs, but, in 2020, everything closed, and, while on lockdown, Bojan decided to sing at home and make a small solo concert at home.

Kris was excited to watch it and decided to gather his whole family to hear the songs since Bojan was planning to sing one of the new ones. Maks was the only one that objected but their mom told them that the band is important for Kris so he should listen.

Bojan began with singing “Gola” and oh how the memories flushed back to Kris... About the band’s hiatus period how this song was both responsible for it and how it brought them together again.

Kris could almost swear he melted hearing this version – but he won’t. Nobody needs to know that.

“Omamlejno Telo” was next and oh, Bojan decided to sing softly again...okay. It's so obvious his vocal progression with this one... His voice control has changed to a whole new level...

- “Vem da Greš”? – Miha asked.

- Oh, it’s our new single. Bojan really likes this one.

Kris remembers what Bojan told him about “Vem da Greš”. He said he met someone while we were on a break and that they shook their ground, but they left him. He said he would travel to the sun for that person and leave his life behind as the Earth burns.

“Dramatic bitch”, Kris thought.

Kris’ mind turned off for a second until he heard Bojan mention his name and how he had two songs in the album they were going to release.

- I can’t sing it, but I would like to sing something that’s probably close to him. – the singer said through the screen – So I’m going to play something his father wrote.

Kris turned to Miha, and everyone else turned to Kris as he started trying to make himself small on the couch and hid his flustered cheeks as much as he could.

- I’m going to sing “Garbage (Hip hop med nogami)”.

- Mama, is that a dad song? – Maja asked.

“Shit, she’s here”, Kris forgot about his younger sister. Should she be hearing this? Doesn’t look like it by the face his mom was making.

Maks on the other hand seemed to suddenly wake up from scrolling on his phone.

- Všeč si mi k' hod'š, všeč k' govoriš – “I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk” -Všeč so mi poteze, vse k' jih nardiš – “I like the moves you make”.

Kris tried very hard to not look at any of his family member’s faces, so he forced himself to just look at Bojan on the screen.

- Mikajo me noge, mika me telo – “I’m tempted by your legs, I’m tempted by your body” - Nor sem na štrumpantle in svilen blago – “I'm crazy about strumpets and silk fabrics”.

Okay, Kris had to look away after that one and Maks is fucking recording the screen, seriously?

- Mama, why does Bojan want Kris in silk fabrics?

- Okay, Maja, I think it’s past your bedtime now. – Chantal tried to remove the young girl from the room, but she kept insisting on staying.

- Bojan looks very embarrassed, Kris.  OH MY GOD, WAS THAT A LIP BITE!? – Maks laughed out loud and Kris threw him a slipper to the head – MAMA, KRIS HIT ME!

- Kris! – she complained.

- Sorry, mama.       

- Dostkrat se sprašujem, dostkrat mi ni prou – "Many times I wonder, many times I don't understand” - Zakaj me ne pogledaš, mogoče ti bo žou! “Why don't you look at me, maybe you'll like it!”

- Kris, please look at him, he has puppy eyes.

And another slipper went flying.

- Both of you are grounded.

- Mama, I’m an adult already! – Kris complained.

- Then act like it!

- Sanjam, k' ti prste zapletem med lase – “I dream of tangling my fingers in your hair” - Sanjam, k' ti jezik prlep'm na zobe – “I dream of sticking my tongue on your teeth”.

- NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY. – Maks said and this time it was Maja who told him to shut it.

- Hotu bi te gledat, hotu bi te 'met – “I would like to look at you, I would like to throw you” - Raztrgu bi obleko, vzel bi ves tvoj med – “I'd rip your dress, I'd take all your honey”.

Kris wanted to kill Maks for being a nuisance, Bojan for telling him to watch this concert, his father for writing the song, and himself for inviting the whole family to watch this. He’s not sure in which order he should go by, though.

He looked around and noticed his father wasn’t there anymore, when did he leave?

- Garbage hip hop med nogami – “Garbage hip hop between your legs” – Garbage hip hop.

Chantal turned off the television they were watching the transmission from and sighed.

- That’s enough of that... – she stayed silent for a while before yelling – GUŠTIN GET YOUR ASS HERE, I’M SURE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS!

Kris sighed... it was finally over.

- I have a question! – Maja raised her arm – Why does Bojan want to be in between your legs?

- No, Maja, no he doesn’t. – Kris dismissed her.

- Like, it makes no sense. You wouldn’t be able to breathe.

- I...

- In a couple of years, I tell you what that’s about. – Maks told her.

- I’m only 5 years younger than you!

- Maks. – Kris called him - Friendly reminder the song was written by Dad. In case you want to tell her in detail about what it is, just think about the fact Dad wrote about someone.

- Okay, gross.

What were two weeks turned into a couple of months of not being able to go outside normally.

One morning, Kris got out of his room nearing midday and was greeted by his mom on the way to his room.

- Kris... Your hair is a mess.

- I just woke up. – he scratched the back of his head and yawned.

His hair was in the air, and he had an online class in about 5 minutes – which he did not plan to turn his camera on for. He had spent a good chunk of the night on a call with some of his friends playing Among Us – which he only won when he wasn’t the impostor because he is just too easy to read when he’s lying.

- Let me fix that for you. – Kris bent down for his mom to help him with his hair – Your hair is growing so much.

- Oh, yeah. I guess I haven’t cut it in a while.

- I like it so much. – Chantal tucked it behind his ear – It has been a long time since I’ve seen it like that.

- I guess so... – they stood next to each other and looked at the mirror in the hallway,

- You’ve grown to be a handsome man, Kris.

- Mama...

- Je mama houdt zoveel van je... – “Your mama loves you very much”.

- Ik houd ook van jou. – “I love you too” – Now I’ll be late for my class!

- Oh, yes! Sorry about that. I’ll wake up your sister who’s late for hers.

It was during the pandemic that Kris found confidence in his hairstyle and gender identity. He decided to let his hair grow again because he understood it didn’t matter what people would think: he still felt like a man and “hair is hair” not your gender identity. And if someone is bothered by that, Kris would laugh in their face because he didn’t care.

A while after the lockdown, Matic left the band and Jure replaced him and that’s when the Demoni era began.

With his newfound confidence, Kris felt like he could finally release “Ngvot” officially.

They were a little scared of releasing Demoni since they were just starting to make it begin in Slovenia. What if the “second album curse” fell onto it? What if it didn’t fit the expectations? However, they managed to keep the curse away and the album seemed to do just as great if not better than their first album!

But with so much success and with things starting to “get real”, someone had to make a decision: Martin left the band. And Kris remembers very well the tears that followed and the fear that overtook all of them and how all their burdens fell onto him.

Even so, they proceeded. They continued even scared because that was the only way they’d achieve their dreams.

After the new member arrived at the band, Nace, Kris got along with him very well. They hung out most days especially because they lived near each other and they would often have Jam sessions, and Kris knew he could count on Nace when he just needed a moment of peace from the whole band.

Nace was his roommate during Eurovision, and he was there when Kris arrived at their room after the semi-final, and he just jumped on the bed to stare at the ceiling as the adrenaline died down and he started to feel tears forming in his eyes, and rolling down his cheeks.

- Nace... – he said – We are in the final. We are in the fucking final!

Nace hugged him and cry kept crying.

- We did it, Nace! We did it... I’m so happy.

- And we are going to keep at it, okay?

- Definitely.

♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩

Bokris from Miha's pov hehe.

anyways! Sources!

CHAPTER 1

Miha thought Kris was ugly as a baby and he gave him a guitar at 11: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/zabava/626a937a72d5e/miha-gustin-gusti-upam-da-sinu-ne-delam-sramote

Kris didn't like his father's music: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/astro/616977e71ab9c/miha-gustin-gusti-in-sin-kris-glasbenika-in-zaveznika-razlicna-okusa-a-ista-ljubezen-do-glasbe

Kris wasn't able to color inside the lines (same source as point 1)

Kris likes more Slovenian food than dutch: https://jokeroutsubs.tumblr.com/post/739664742412697600/eng-translation-rocknroll-in-the-blood

Summer Vacation: https://mihagustin.blogspot.com/2011/07/najstnisko-dolgocasje.html

Kris used to play football: https://youtu.be/qpYY9BwpLRc?si=NiblKnDzy99vTDnp&t=373

Kris doesn't think he's good at sports or games (same source as 6)

Kris decided to cut his hair at the age of 10 because he was bullied for "being a girl" : https://youtube.com/shorts/syrFFuLax7U?si=9QkodFxyt98OZU1F

Kris wasn't good in school, but then he became an excellent student (same source as 2)

Miha and Chantal are Allieeeees: https://youtu.be/gRSbqtNlsXA?si=k05ZWnJXrL1VOyHL

Maja does gymnastics (same source as point 4)

Kris was a reporter at school when he met the apokalipsa guys: https://www.tumblr.com/jokeroutsubs/725625224282963968/nace-jordan-for-slovenian-online-journal-aleteia?source=share

Kris started playing guitar after meeting Bojan and because of the girls even though his father is a musician: https://youtu.be/U8J_RhxAQdE?si=xwhrcI-KaKUUxW2N

That song isn't played with distortion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIlnXLv1g1Y&ab_channel=Elja

Kris asking his dad to teach him how to play (same source as point 2)

Look at Krisko at the Apokalipsa's concert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7iCkNDnHMo&ab_channel=BANDAPOKALIPSA

Kris and Jan's band: https://youtu.be/GQNhhX7ih5A?si=xFsaLhmVruOVK7Hu

Ngvot: https://youtu.be/hP79eReOczA?si=2IyyLFCA67VlpEQE

Gay Bar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sotVP84VSFk&ab_channel=Alex

Kris hard to get: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djIyhgUmWlA&ab_channel=EurovisionInsider & https://www.tumblr.com/kurooscoffee/732261010119016448/eng-sub-dropping-some-bokris-lore-bc-this-is-too?source=share

Gola: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ccs1DU8bya4&ab_channel=kurooscoffee

Kris' GF is dutch (Same source as point 4)

Bojan rejected Ngvot multiple times (NEED HELP FINDING THE SOURCE)

Bojan rejecting Dopamin: https://youtu.be/obG8dxtDH-o?si=W5FaO-HI-UzW5Lhb&t=1042

Either Bele Sanje or Dopamin is about a girl: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2Kepp8udXQ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Garbage HipHop: https://www.tumblr.com/kurooscoffee/743786585087148032/reblogging-cuz-i-googled-what-%C5%A1trumpantli?source=share

In 2022, Miha said Kris was dating a girl for the past 3 years: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/astro/616977e71ab9c/miha-gustin-gusti-in-sin-kris-glasbenika-in-zaveznika-razlicna-okusa-a-ista-ljubezen-do-glasbe

As of the beginning of 2023, he was still dating the same girl: https://jokeroutsubs.tumblr.com/post/720664604133523456/hey-guys-thanks-for-all-your-hard-work

Kris and Nace were roommates during ESC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARgHgpEz9iI&ab_channel=ESCunited

Real Miha and Chantal love story (JUST LOOK AT THEM, THEY ARE ADORABLE): https://x.com/kurooscoffee/status/1806671881308659810?s=46&t=yp0BYR2xB56k6qgtrkXLOg

Kris wrote NGVOT in 2018: https://www.metropolitan.si/scena/glasba/skupina-joker-out-nam-je-razkrila-kaj-ne-sme-manjkati-v-zaodrju-preseneceni-boste/

[lovely-peace]

Loving lies incorrect quotes

Masterlist Prologue - - - Part 7

So... I realized that my characters in my story don't have many moments. I can't write all the moments i would like to so i made something like behind the scenes for you, so you can connect with these characters. And for fun all of these are canon in my story.

It was only a little idea and I hope you will enjoy these <3

Maya and Lydia

Maya: You're ignoring all your problems. Lydia: I know. Maya: You also know it's an unhealthy coping mechanism? Lydia: I'm ignoring that fact as well. Maya:

Lydia: You know me, Maya, I don’t take any shit. You know what I say to my haters? Maya: What? Lydia: I say: “Please don’t hate me, I’m really nice.”

Maya: Can you keep a secret? Lydia: Do you know anything about my love life? Maya: No, I don't. Good point.

Maya: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the black lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this? Lydia: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

Maya: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while class, so instead I have every morning Lydia saying ‘we need to talk after class.’ It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

Seraph and Sirius

Seraph : Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don't want to sound mean. Sirius: No, go ahead. I want to hear it. Seraph : You two suck together. Sirius: That's not constructive criticism.

Seraph : Quick! You must come with me! Your in great danger! Sirius: Why?! Seraph : Because I’ll kill you if you don’t.

Seraph: Is this mistletoe? Sirius: Uh, no, no, that is basil. Seraph: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you. Sirius: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Seraph and Leander

Seraph: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?! Leander: … Seraph: Oh, right. The lying.

Leander: Come to think of it… You’ve always been nice to me. Leander: I mean, you listen to all my problems- Seraph: No, Leander I just simply stand here while you talk, there’s a big difference.

Leander: Why are you like this?? Seraph: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Leander: So we're gathered here today for a very special reason and I think you'll all agree with me here. Leander: And if you don't well then fuck you. Leander: I'm looking at you, Seraph, you jealous mop.

Seraph: Wait you like me? For my personality? Leander: I know, I was surprised too.

Seraph: Dammit, Leander, you ruined everything between me and Sirius! Leander: You’re welcome.

Seraph and (y/n)

Seraph: Whisky, can I speak to you for a minute? In private. (Y/n): Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

Seraph: Deep down, I'm sure I was always pretty okay with you. (Y/n): Thanks, Seraph! Seraph: It wasn't a compliment, numbnuts.

Seraph: You’re overthinking this. (Y/n): You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Seraph. What if I’m underthinking?

Lydia and friends

Lydia: My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.

Lydia: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.

Lydia: How late were you up last night? Luis & Luke, in tandem: Me? Lydia: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time. Lydia, (thinking Maya was on a date) to Maya: You.

Luis: What's worse than a heartbreak? Lydia: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

Luis: Hey, what are you reading? Luke: This is my magic book where any ink spilled shows a scripture of the future, however it bears a curse making it broken, and as such in order to make any scripture appears, I have to do it myself. Luis: Impressive! I must have it for myself! Maya: So it’s just a Notebook? Luke: It’s just a Notebook.

Luis: Something tells me Lydia's going to be a bit more unhinged today... Lydia, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Maya isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

Luis: For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home if you were asleep or drunk. But then we got rid of the horse. Luke: You complete moron. You stupid fucking idiot. "Cars would be better if they could bite and shit" – that was you just now, dumbass. Luke: "Wouldn't it be cool if cars could piss? Wouldn't it be cool if cars could fuck?" Fuck off. Maya: It would be cool if cars could fuck. Lydia:��We... We still have horses.

Sirius and Leander

Sirius : Why can’t we all just get along? Leander: Because most of us are assholes, Sirius.

Sirius: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff. Leander: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

Leander: Let’s not Sirius this into a worse situation than it already is. Sirius: Did you just use my name as a verb?

Leander, to Sirius: You wanna fight? All right, let’s take this outside. The stars are so bright tonight and the moon looks so nice. Here, hold my hand—

Slytherin friend group

Damien: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset? Phina: No, I said "Damien, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

Damien: I'm so happy, I could kiss you! Phina : Um…Neat. later Phina , lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," Leander. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid. Leander, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Phina . Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Seraph kissed me at the lake? Phina : Didn't you thank her? Leander: closes the book and looks at the ceiling I fucking thanked her.

Seraph: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

Seraph: Cassie, where’s your report card? Cassie: My friends stole it from me at school, so now I don’t have it anymore. Seraph: Do you think I’m stupid enough to believe that lie? Cassie: What lie? Seraph: That you have friends.

Seraph: I think we can all agree I’m the ten amongst these threes.

Seraph: I am literally evil incarnate. Seraph: I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil. Seraph: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort.

Phina: Seraph has no idea I’m high. Seraph: You’re high? Phina: Oh, I’m sorry. Phina, leaning over to Cassie: Seraph has no idea I’m high.

Seraph: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Seraph lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

Leander: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me. Damien: But they said not to touch the masterpieces. Leander: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall. Seraph, on a walkie talkie: This is Seraph, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

Damien, putting his hands over Phina's eyes: Guess who! Phina: It's either Damien or the cold, clammy hands of death. Damien, putting hishands away: It's Damien! Phina: Dammit.

Leander: I’m gonna die alone. Cassie: Leander, you’re not gonna die alone. Leander: Seraph, was my safety net, okay? She and Sirius got together and now I have to get a snake. Damien: Uh-huh. Why is that? Leander: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face. Leander: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man. Leander: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

Damien, in a horrible German accent: Bill Nye is on break, I'm Bill Nein. Seraph: Can I go to the bathroom? Damien, in the same horrible German accent: Nein!

Damien: Am I right, Leander? Leander: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.

Phina: Hey, Seraph, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Seraph: Yeah. Phina: And you, Leander? Leander: Umm… yes? Phina: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Leander: Did she just-

Bonus:

Lydia, pointing at seraph: I hate her. Maya: I don't like her either but why do you hate her? Lydia: She is in every single chapter. Even the short ones! I just have one long conversation with the protagonist. Just one in which I tell her secrets we share! Maya: You have what. Lydia: You don't? Leander: At least you have conversations with the protagonist! I only have one in which I destroy her self-esteem and get in a fight with Sirius! Damien: Please don't complain about that. Luke: At least you had more than two sentences. Phina: I had literally no conversation with the protagonist. I only made fun of them. I only interact with Seraph and Cassie. Leander: At least I have many interactions with Seraph. Phina: Fuck you. Cassie: Wait you guys said something?Phina: Shut up. Cassie: Sorry. Seraph: What are you talking about? Lydia: Nothing. Seraph: Are the side characters fighting? Maya: Please, piss off. Seraph, laughing: I'm so relieved I'm not a side character. Luis: Well I was in two stories just saying. Seraph: Fuck you. Laughing in the distance. Sirius: Amateurs.

Taglist: @theofficialmadman @fanboyluvr @fjdjsiskcjfj @starsval @olkathedestroyer @helloitsmeeeeeee @xamapolax @maripositanoctruna @ancientimes @cloudlst @marina468 @regulus-black-223048 @loving-and-dreaming @tarzanathetumblingwarrior @princesspuffle8@lonely-nerd-sodaholic@lostgirlsstuff@wolken-n@thepunisherfrankcastle@nefri-black@solitarioslilium@briskesby@ropickle@my-current-fandom-is @hawkinsavclub1983@dancingwithreality

[cero-sleep]

"is it fun? is it fun for you to see me hurt?" "i trusted you."

I don't know who this could suit best, but it feels like something you would write

God's Favorite AU - Combustion

Word count: 1316

Cw: Suicide

Masterpost

It was late at night when you arrived at the little apartment.

You picked the lock of the door as silently as you could.

The sound of the rain helping conceal your presence, but you were still mindful not to make any noise as you entered slowly, carefully.

Everything was quiet, bathed comfortably in the cover of darkness.

Until it wasn't.

The lights turned on, blinding you momentarily.

But as your eyes adjusted you found CC and Illusion waiting for you at the entrance of the dormitory.

"Why aren't you two in bed?" You asked, more than confused to see them at this hour.

"We need to talk" Came the dreaded answer.

As the silence stretched on you weren't sure what to say. 

What was so important that they had waited for you to talk about it…?

"What exactly do you wanna talk about?" You asked, testing the waters.

"You think we haven't noticed how you have been sneaking off at night?" Started CC.

"I can explain-"

"Stop." They interrupted.

"Let CC talk, okay?" Added Illusion.

A sigh. "Okay… Alright."

"That's not all… Kitchen knives going missing to then be back in their place in the morning as if nothing had happened?" 

"Disappearing for days on end without a single word?"

"New injuries every once in a while?"

"You realize we aren't stupid, right? Or do you think so lowly of us, too?"

"Of course not-" You tried.

"Tell us the truth, Fiero." Started Illusion. "Did you break our promise?"

"I-" 

"The truth." Interjected CC.

"I…" You trailed off. "I did…. But you don't understand! I had to! La Vida-"

But CC stomped their foot in anger.

"La Vida!?" They said furious. "Is that another god!? What haven't you told us!?"

You noticed how Illusion put their hand on CC's shoulder, a reminder to stay calm, and a giveaway that they had planned this beforehand.

"You don't understand." You said avoiding eye contact for just a moment.

"Then can you explain it to us?" Said Illusion.

They were much calmer than CC, but they looked just as upset.

You took a moment to think.

"That time… That time la Muerte possessed me."

"When you tried to kill us?" Interrupted CC.

"Yes… There was… Another god. She sent the god of death and destruction after you."

"Why would she…?" Asked Illusion.

But you could only look away.

"Because of you?"

"I…" You started, but decided to change the subject. "I had to make a bet with him to spare you."

"A bet…?" Asked CC. "What did you bet on?"

"That's…"

Complicated is what you wanted to say.

But when you looked into their eyes… You couldn't keep lying to them.

"We bet whether the two of you would still trust me after what happened."

"And you won." Said Illusion. "That's how we are still alive."

"Actually… I bet you wouldn't trust me anymore." You said in a hushed tone, eyes downcast. "But everything turned out okay in the end!"

"Do you really have so little faith in us?" Came CC's voice.

They sounded… Hurt, disbelieving.

"No, I-"

"And don't think for a second I missed the part where you gambled with our lives."

"I had to! It was the only way to save you!"

"And is that also why you broke our promise!?"

"Yes!" You shouted.

And all fell silent.

"No- I mean-"

"Fiero…" Came Illusion's voice. "Why didn't you come to us?"

"I couldn't- I-"

"Did this god also make you unable to tell us?"

"No, I-"

"Then why?"

"You don't understand-"

"You keep saying that! Just tell us already!" Shouted CC. "Or… Or is this fun for you? Seeing us and other people hurt?" 

"What? No-"

"I trusted you." They interrupted, tears starting to form in their eyes "It was a mistake." 

"What…?"

"Fiero, we are sorry, but we think it's best if we went our separate ways." Said Illusion, eyes watery.

"Are you… breaking up with me?"

"Yes." Said CC through tears.

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out.

There was nothing else to be said.

They had made their point clear. You weren't welcome here anymore.

"I'll… Take my leave then…" You said as you turned for the door. "Oh and CC? Illusion?"

You looked back at them, tears in your eyes. 

"I love you both so much… And I promise I'll keep protecting you."

But before they could say anything against it, you were already out the door.

-

You walked in the rain, not bothering to grab an umbrella, at least that way the raindrops would hide your tears.

You slowly headed to a nearby alleyway.

Taking out the knife you had grabbed from the kitchen the day before.

It was still coated in crimson, but it would do just fine…

So you took the blade to your neck and in a quick swipe it was done.

You felt how the blood poured out from the wound, as you gasped for air.

Everything started going out of focus as you fell to your knees. 

And then everything went black.

You had something to do.

-

You woke up in that familiar white place.

No one in sight.

Tears still streamed down your cheeks as you shouted. "La Vida!"

"Sí, mi corazón?" Came her voice from behind you.

You turned around to face him in anger.

"Don't play dumb. You know what happened don't you?"

"Maybe I do." She smiled playfully.

"This is no time for games!"

"I beg to differ." She added with glee.

"You made me hurt them!"

"Oh cariño, I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to do." 

Your eyes went wide. "What… I only did those things so you wouldn't kill them!"

"You said-"

"I said not to disappoint me." She remarked. "But ah, it seems you think so terribly of me already, that you would assume I would make you do such horrible things behind your little friend's back."

Your mouth almost fell open. "You mean… I didn't have to do any of that?"

"Of course not, darling." She laughed. "Doing those things was your choice. You only did it because deep down you know you wanted to."

You quickly closed your eyes, tears streaming down your cheeks.

As darkness engulfed you, you could only think back to your beloveds and how you would keep them safe now…

-

You slowly opened your eyes.

Feeling how the raindrops touched your skin in a delicate symphony.

"Fiero…?" 

That's when you realized you were not alone.

Someone held you in their arms, Illusion's arms.

Standing behind them was CC.

Tears streamed down both of their cheeks.

"I thought…" You said softly, absent-mindedly. "I thought the two of you wanted nothing to do with me anymore."

"We don't." Came CC's voice.

"But… We were worried when you left so suddenly, in this storm nonetheless, so we went to check on you and…" Illusion trailed off, remembering how they had found you, laying on the floor of the alley, puddle of blood next to you. "We thought you were done for…" 

"But the fact you are still alive just proves our point." Added CC angrily. "You are still eating out of that god's hand. And now you're gonna tell us you were seeing la Muerte too."

You could only look away at that.

"Unbelievable!" 

"I didn't… I don't want to! But I did it to keep you safe!"

"And you didn't have a choice?" Asked Illusion.

"I…" You opened your mouth to speak, but after what la Vida had just told you… You weren't sure anymore.

"That's it. Illusion and I are going home, don't follow us." Said CC with finality.

As they walked away you felt your heart break in a million pieces.

You waited for them to at least look at you one last time, hopeful.

But they didn't.

And with that, you were left alone again.

[bi-bard]

I Wanna Love You 'Till We're Food for the Worms to Eat - Arthur Broussard Imagine (SKAM France)

Title: I Wanna Love You 'Till We're Food for the Worms to Eat

Pairing: Arthur Broussard X Reader

Based On: Everywhere, Everything

Word Count: 1,047 words

Warning(s): mentions of being overwhelmed

Summary: (Y/n) and Arthur were almost attached at the hip. What they saw as friendship was seen very differently by everyone around them. It took years for them to even consider that there may be more between them.

Author's Note: It has been so long since I've written for this character. I've been saying that a lot lately, haven't I?

STICK SEASON - NOAH KAHAN WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

------------------------

I had mixed feelings about lying in silence with my thoughts.

There were times when it would be great. A time to sort through any confusion or anger. I could find my way through all sorts of problems that way.

Other times were hell. When problem-solving became fixating and I found myself dwelling on mistakes I had made. I didn't have any power over whatever stress I had.

I heard my phone buzzing. It was a collection of texts. I didn't want to answer it. As much as I despised the silence at that moment, the idea of having to explain myself made me sick to my stomach.

My phone stopped for a little while. And then, I heard someone knocking on my door. I groaned a bit, running my hands over my face.

My phone buzzed a few moments later.

It didn't take much for me to realize the sounds were connected. I reached over and checked the message.

Arthur: I'm at your door. Let me in.

I unlocked my phone and looked over the texts that he had sent me.

It was a mix of questions about if I was okay and messages about how he was going to stop by. I knew why he was worried. I had ignored him through the end of the day. It was wrong, I knew that. I had just been so stuck in my thoughts that it didn't really click until I got home.

Another message came through and I finally relented, sighing and pushing myself off my bed.

I paused right by the door, handing resting on the doorknob for a moment before pulling the door open. Arthur paused whatever message he was frantically typing when he heard the door open.

"There you are," he said, stepping forward and hugging me.

I expected a thousand questions surrounding what had happened and why I ignored him. I was already preparing answers in my mind, hoping to avoid the additional stress in the long run.

But as I hugged him back, there was only one question, "Are you okay?"

I stepped back slowly, nodding to him.

He closed my front door as I walked over to my couch and sat down. He sat down next to me, frowning a bit at my silence.

"Do you want to talk about it," he asked. I shook my head. "Okay."

"Sorry," I muttered. I ran my hands over my face again. "It's just... it's been a long week. I needed time to myself. I thought I did... it didn't help much."

I always did that. Withdrew when I got overwhelmed. Part of why Arthur was my best friend was because he seemed to fight it. He got too worried to leave me on my own unless I asked. Even then he would send me messages to check in every couple of hours.

I remember my friends digging into that pattern. They would constantly say that there was so much more there than there was. Arthur was my friend. My best friend. And that was all there was to it.

And that was all I would tell them.

"Is there anything you need," Arthur asked. I shook my head. "Are you sure? I could make you something. Or just get some water-"

"Arthur," I touched his arm. "I'm alright."

He slowly nodded and relaxed a bit more.

I grinned a bit.

I wouldn't really mind having more with him. I had thought about it more than I would care to admit. It wouldn't be all that different. Just more affectionate. My skin would sometimes feel like it was begging for someone to just hold me. Having that be Arthur, someone that I knew and cared about, would be the best-case scenario.

Without much thought, I shifted so my head was resting on Arthur's shoulder. He reached out and touched my knee. Silent support when I needed it.

I'm not sure how long we sat there. I just knew the longer we did, the more certain I was that I didn't mind going through such rough moments if Arthur was waiting on the other side of them. I looked at the hand on my leg. I wanted to reach out and intertwine our fingers. I was just too scared to do it.

So, I forced myself to keep my hands in my lap. I picked at the skin around my nails instead of holding his hand like I wanted to.

"Thank you," I mumbled. "For showing up. You didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did," he replied. I moved my head, so my chin was resting on his shoulder.

"Why?"

He hummed.

"Why did you have to?"

"Because I care about you," he answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I want to know that you're okay. Take care of you."

I grinned to myself.

I moved back a bit. I shifted enough that I could be face-to-face with him. He grinned at me softly. I took a moment to let my eyes bounce around his face; from eyes to cheekbones to nose to forehead to lips.

I took a deep breath before leaning forward and pressing my lips to his.

It was short and sweet and awkward. I started pulling back almost as soon as Arthur started kissing me back. He blinked at me slowly, seemingly stunned by what I had done. I bit back a chuckle at his expression.

"Woah," he muttered.

I couldn't hold back the chuckle at that one.

"Would it sound stupid to say that I've been waiting for years to do that," he asked.

I shook my head. "No... because I have been too."

He smiled at me before leaning over and kissing me again. I placed my hands on his shoulders as I kissed him back. It was like the air around us settled. I hadn't even noticed any tension or awkwardness, but I suddenly felt more relaxed. Like pieces of a puzzle were finally coming together to show the bigger picture.

I knew right then that I could spend forever like that. In that state of happiness. Of loving and being loved.

And I allowed myself to believe that Arthur thought that too.

Silence didn't need to be spent alone anymore.

------------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[bonesandthebees]

okay so like i was gonna just start on this tonight and get the general ideas down and finish this when i was Awake and Functioning but then i started rambling so uhhh jazz handss

take me describing the diff energies ur fics give off, i am sorry if this is uncomprehensible fjwaewf (is that even a word?? incomprehensible? ye-)

through a glass divine: DEFFFF rainy day vibes, the au feels very Elegant to me even though glass!wilbur himself is very much not, when I read glass I get the same vibes as being in a car /pos, it's comforting but can get intense at times, sometimes with no warning. like one minute your head is against the glass (heh, pun unintended lol), and ur looking out at the streetlamps, the next the breaks are SLAMMED and u get whacked against the seatbelt lmfaoooo (this is all /pos !! i love the angst lol)

world forgetting: FOGGG, that's the first thought that pops into my head, things are unclear first and it's a little eerie but there's also something comforting about it (i will use this word a lot bc . well ur writing is comforting hehehe), the first half of wf was very exciting, it reminded me of when i used to have my mcu marathons, edge of my seat, shoving popcorn into my face, and just glee, the first few chapters with wf especially with the combat made me so fucking giddy lmfaooo i had so much fun reading it, the second half was a lot more calm and melancholy, it was defff sitting on the couch while it rains outside vibes, like MM the hurt comfort?? give me a blanket and a pillow to squeeze bc hot damnn

stars and their children: stars man . hooweeee, this fic was binging a 12 season show vibes, you invest a lot into it and wow the emotional damage?? for real. this fic was late night rants at sleepovers, theorizing n coming up with silly conspiracy theories (i think this was when i really started reading the asks, so for me it has a lot of those vibes tied to it), when i read stars… i feel a lot of Awe. it feels big, it feels important, it also feels like im reading a very fancy novel from a very big library, like i feel like i've stepped into a massive multi-tiered library and plucked my favourite book from its shelf, i can imagine the hardcover being absolutely gorgeous, it gives me the same vibes as getting assigned a book to read in class and having your mind blown /pos from it, like "damn i understand why they make us read this bc wow"

(fun fact i have ur ao3 page bookmarked on my toolbar lmaoooo)

honey and tangerines: well . this one just gives me island and coastal vibes lolll u described them very well, but okay from a reading perspective? besides indie movie lmao. i'd say… hanging out with a friend you haven't seen in a while. it's familiar, it's bittersweet, it's thrilling. honey and tangerines gives me the vibes of doing something youve been wanting to for awhile but were always too scared to. pushing your boundaries. it's all those classic "finally living life vibes", staying out till 3 am, finally getting around to decorating your room, going on a roadtrip. when i read honey and tangerines, it feels like i'm experiencing life. all the prev fics either feel like novels or movies, but hats feels like life

what the water gave me: ngl when i read this i just feel such pure emotion that i cry like idek how to explain it man. it's so all encompassing /pos it does give me staying up late in my room with fairy lights vibes though, dunno why. just gives off that same warm energy

A DUSTY TOMB OMGGOJEAWE i need to reread that anyways

a dusty tomb: straight off the bat, playing dnd. dnd is so much fun and i have so many happy memories from it and a dusty tomb defff gives off those vibes, chaos, freeing, family. it also gives off the vibe of finding a piece of old writing in a buried notebook and reading it and going "wtf?? when did i write this this is amazing" maybe that's just bc it feels like u read my mind writing it lmao it's perfect i adore it so much and i have reread it an unholy amount of times, i just get the vibes of sitting criss cross on the floor and reading it, it's not necessarily a comfy position but it's enjoyable nonetheless, just a happy moment for oneself, it feels like giving yourself a treat, self care, all of that good stufff

no time confounds me: def feels like watching a tv show /pos, it def feels like smth i'd put on w my stepmom or my birth mom and just absolutely fucking Vibe to it bro, that fic is suchhh a vibe, i'd sink into my couch and get HOOKED, it also ofc brings w it all the vibes of just where i live LMAO, and the motorcycling reminds me of my dad <333 i miss motorcycling with him dawggg it's so much fun, but yeahhh. all the vibes described in the fic just make me want to go out for a hike in a forest lmao, i love it. also hot chocolate. this fic is defff drinking hot chocolate vibes

nocturnal animals: ooohh this one is defff late night vibes, working late on hw and looking out ur window and just taking a moment to appreciate the stars n stuff, also windy day vibes, this def feels like a novel my friend would shove at me to read and i'd be like "brooo i dont even LIKE vampires" and theyd be like "no bro just trust me" and then i'd be really bored one day so i'd pick it up and then get addicted . and then in this hypothetical series that has like a billion books i'd go to the library and borrow them all and binge them in a week lmfao, i love this fic sm ngl, i would proudly display this fic on my bookshelf (well i mean, i would literally display all of ur fics on my bookshelf KING i would have a shelf dedicated to ur fics 100%)

okay… i think those are all the main fics, there're a couple more that i've read but i am . getting really really reallyyy tired and idek if any of this is comphrensible lmfaooo 😭 😭 😭

i hope u enjoyed bee <333 tldr: i love ur writing and i have core memories attached to all of these fics and they are all special to me in their own way <33

ohhhh these are so cool to read icy (sorry it took me so long to respond I've been so busy lately)

lmao love all the drama in glass being compared to a car braking super suddenly. rainy car drives is definitely not the vibe I think it has in my head but that's super sweet to imagine :)

comparing stars to a Big Fancy Book makes me so happy thank you so much. I have this absolutely gorgeous fancy version of Dune with a stunning cover and I always imagine something kind of similar as the 'cover' for stars in my head so i love that you imagine that too

in contrast you and i feel the exact same about honey and tangerines. it's definitely that kind of bittersweet reconciling friendship vibe. saying it feels like life means so much thank you <33 thats exactly what I was going for

to me what the water gave me feels like swimming in a warm tropical ocean at night which might be a bit on the nose but yeah that's what I think of. but fairy lights in a room sounds so nice I love that

awww I love that idea for dusty tomb. just rereading something nostalgic and wonderful and feeling so comforted by it. that makes me smile a lot to imagine :)

hot chocolate and watching a tv show YEAHHHH you get it that's exactly what i was going for from no time confounds me. also that's so funny that you mention motorcycling with your dad bc that's where my descriptions of riding motorcycles comes from. my dad always used to pick me up from school on his motorcycle when I was a little kid, it was so much fun

oooo windy day for nocturnal animals is interesting but I love it. also god you saying it feels like a series with dozens of books reminds me of this vampire series i read in middle school that had like 10 books it's absolutely nothing like nocturnal animals but now I'm having a nostalgia trip thinking about it lol

thank you icy this was so sweet to read :)

[lyranova]

So I saw you wrote a fic for a ship thats not on your list and now I'm wondering whether you'd be alright with writing for a Liebe rarepair I have (Yuno x Liebe)? If not that's okay, I just wanted to ask since I haven't seen any content of them whatsoever, at all 😅, and I think they'd be a cute couple :)

Hiya anon! My “ship list” isn’t really complete and hasn’t been updated in a while, so not all ships I write for are on it, and tbh I’ll try to write most ships except for a few, so all you gotta do is send me an ask or DM to see if I write it or not 😁! This is my first time writing a Yuno x Liebe fic so it’s more platonic than romantic but I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 411

Warnings: None

———

Yuno inhaled the cool autumn air, held it in his lungs, and slowly released it. He had been very stressed lately, why? Because of all the battles against devils recently. He was so stressed that he finally realized that he needed a break from everyone and retreated to a small grassy field that was close enough to their campsite, but far enough away that he wouldn’t be bothered.

“ What’s the Star Prince got to sigh about? Is being too good just weighing on your shoulders?” A voice asked suddenly, and Yuno opened his eyes as he turned his head to see none other than Liebe, Asta’s devil, sitting in the lone tree that stood in the field.

“ Of course not,” Yuno said with a roll of his eyes. “ It’s just that there’s a lot of people around, so I needed a break from them.” He explained as he closed his eyes again, he heard Liebe jump out of the tree and walk towards him before sitting down.

“ Yeah, I get it. I’ve never been around this many people since being released from Asta’s grimoire and it’s…it’s a lot.” Liebe admitted as he looked back at the campsite.

“ People think that because I’m a devil I’m heartless and that I don’t feel things. But I do y’know? I hear them whispering about me and how they’re all either afraid of me or they hate me. That’s why I don’t like people, they act one way in front of you and act completely different once you turn your back.” Liebe muttered before laying down on the grass as well.

“ I understand that feeling all too well. People…people are very two faced. They praise me and say how amazing I am while on the inside they’re full of jealousy, some will express their anger and jealousy to my face while on the inside they really admire me. It’s just…how people are.” Yuno said softly as he looked at Liebe, this was probably one of the few things the two had in common.

“ People just suck.” Yuno and Liebe said at the same time, the two suddenly looked at each other in surprise before laughing.

The two continued to talk about how much people sucked and agreed that only very few people in the world didn’t, mainly Asta, before they were called back to the campsite to come eat.

That day, an unlikely friendship had formed, that maybe one day would turn into something more.

———

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

[remidyal]

Snippet - Dig Out Followup

I shared this follow up to Dig Out on Discord a bit back but figured I'd toss it up here so it'll exist in a semi-permanent state! If you haven't read the original story, it's available on AO3 here. I'm on vacation this week so not getting much writing done, but hopefully some little odds and ends will tide people over before the norm resumes next week!

Jawbone O'Shaughnessey laid on the bed late at night in his otherwise empty motel room in Bastion City, the television on but unwatched, reviewing some of the reading for the conference he was in the city for when his crystal rang. The tone let him know it was his (remaining) daughter calling.

He'd given her her own ringtone the first time he'd had to do a work trip After; she'd still been unspeaking, at that point, but she'd called twice and he'd spoke to her anyways, one-sided conversations that were far more about trying to ground her than anything else. He would not risk missing a call from her, not even now. She wouldn't make it if she didn't need to hear him.

So, the ache as always of missing home in the back of his head, he took the call. "Hey, Aelwyn!" He said, forced cheer in his voice in spite of the hour; she hadn't woken him, and she'd feel less guilty after if she knew that.

The tone wasn't what he expected, but Aelwyn had been doing better lately. She had almost a fevered energy as she spoke, though, something he had sometimes heard from her Before but not since.

"Hey, Dad. Um. Is there any way you can get home, as soon as possible? I can teleport you back, if you need even, but…" It was a request he might have expected a few months ago, but he'd thought she'd be okay this week; Ragh and Kristen were both in the manor, for one, and Ragh in particular was pretty protective of her. Aelwyn could only teleport once a day, Jawbone knew from a lot of prior planning.

"I can, if you really need me to." He said, because of course he could, but honesty would be important too. "Do you? It might be the morning before I can get a train, but I can be there in a few hours if I drive. Will you be okay until I can get there?"

The call, in voice only until that moment, changed over to video; Aelwyn was standing in the dining room, of all places, in pajamas. In spite of the energy in her voice, she seemed almost flustered as she spoke; clearly, SOMETHING had happened. "I.. oh, this is harder to explain than I thought it would be. It's a good thing, I think. I'm sure, really…" She started muttering to herself, looking at something off screen.

Jawbone cut in, because she seemed almost ready to fold in on herself. "Aelwyn, breath in for me, okay?" She did, and her eyes flicked back.

"…I would teleport there to get you faster myself, but I don't want to leave for four hours to rest. We can talk about how and.. I think it's a good thing, and maybe we can make it permanent, but.."

"Aelwyn," Jawbone said, frustration starting to seep in just a little. "Please, can you tell me why you called?"

"Ah. Right. You'll want to be here." Aelwyn said, before tipping the camera around, and…

Three figures were sitting on the kitchen floor. Kristen and Ragh were both also in their nightwear, but the last took him a moment longer to recognize than he would have thought possible. In his defense, she was covered head to toe in dirt, her hair matted, her eyes sunken, but.. she was wearing a jacket he should have recognized instantly, because he had seen her wearing it for years. They had buried her in it; there had never been even the least bit of question that they would, once they had to bury her at all.

"Aelwyn, what..?" He said, wonder and terror in equal measures getting into his voice, because there were little signs of decay on her face, but she was also clearly speaking to Ragh.

"I know." Aelwyn's voice said off camera, and he understood her strange mood much more now. "I'll see you soon, to try to explain?"

"Of course." Jawbone said, watching Adaine move on camera for as long as the call lasted even as he was up and packing to go home to both of his daughters.

[waterforlorn]

— day two. october 8th. 8:16 am.

i won't keep writing down the time i write my entries, i think. i'm used to it, cause i always write my entries at the same time - or close to it, but i don't want to force myself to do it this time. don't know when i'll have the time. like, i ... think it's time to allow exceptions in the schedule without beating myself up over them. if that makes sense? i know i'm just writing this down and nobody's gonna read it but me, but i'm asking myself for permission i guess.

some days i wonder if i should pop in with the doc again and drop the fifty journals i've got sitting in my drawer off. but do i want a stranger reading my thoughts and shit again? nah. i ain't some angry kid anymore, or a soldier. only reason i ever allowed it was because it was that or early retirement from the army and i'm not sure where i'd be if they hadn't forced me into it. that and the schedule. i'm grateful and i'm not planning to drop it entirely, i know i can't. i need it. it's the only thing keeping me in line.

I KNOW THAT.

i feel it every day. the hunger. the rage. i thought that maybe if i just stuck to routine, if i kept the rage locked away for long enough and maybe beat up some shitheads.. that it'd go away. that one day i'd be free, but i guess i won't ever be. i'm close to halftime, this vacation only reminded me of that. do i see myself doing this forever? camp and fighting? i used to. but not anymore. though... i'm afraid what happens if i turn my back on everything. what if i no longer have an outlet? i keep telling nico i'm looking forward to retiring with him and living life in peace in new rome, but i don't know if i can.

i need something to channel the anger into. like, something to pour it all into before it consumes me. meditation and routine can only do so much. i wanna tell him i worry, but how? how could i possibly tell him? or anybody? i don't get how others can just throw their thoughts at others without hesitation. maybe i'm broken or something. but i wouldn't even know where to start or how to explain. nico isn't supposed to know about my struggles. i'm not sure how he'd take it. i know i should've told him before we did more than fucking, but i didn't realize we'd get there before it was too late.

still don't get how that even happened. doesn't matter now, i don't regret it. i wouldn't change anything if i got another chance to ...deal with nico. don't see no reason why i should. i ain't unhappy. not at all. NOPE.

guess driving brings out the rambler in me. 2 pages in and i haven't even stated what i should've.

my day, emotions, thoughts.

it's still early. it's ten, we picked up some food in a diner on the highway and we're just driving again now. yesterday was good. we crashed at some motel, nico got us a room with just one bed and the receptionist's jaw dropped. not that i mind sharing a bed. we've been doing it for a long time now. i'd not even consider sleeping in separate beds. fuck that idea. the night was ... pretty good. as most nights are with him. i got no complaints.

although, i do wonder if nico actually has a place in mind or if we're driving through the country aimlessly until he sees a place he likes, which ... would be madness. right? yeah. he did say we're gonna be driving for a day or two more, but he had an idea for a stop on the way.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE DRIVING?

i've asked him and all but got no reply so far. so i guess i gotta be patient. shouldn't be that big a problem, right? i mean patience has never been one of my virtues, but i learnt... yeah. i learnt. i think my day's not gonna be much different from yesterday. it's just gonna be driving, food, sleep.

as for emotions, i'm doing okay if we're ignoring that outburst up top. guess i just worry nico doesn't like what he sees once he gets to know ...me. he knows more than most but with how busy we've been in camp, i've had options to hide myself. sometimes. now i won't. we'll be with each other all day. i can't bear the thought of life without him anymore. SO STUPID. what the hell is wrong with me lately?

which brings me to emotions again i guess. fear. i'm afraid? I GUESS. it's been a few days since i dreamt of the forest, but when i did, it sucked. i know it's in the past and i don't wanna think about that day anymore, but sometimes it just haunts my dreams. a lot less than it used to, though.

as for thoughts... uh. all of the above i guess. i dunno. i don't WANNA think as much as i do. i wanna enjoy this while it lasts. when we get back, shit's gonna hit the fan again and i'm gonna spend my days worrying about my the MY idiot again, so until then.. i guess i'm triyn got cut back on the thinking part.

the weather out's pretty good. it's warm, the sun's smiling down on us and it's shorts weather honestly. we had ice cream yesterday, i forgot to mention. can't remember when i had ice cream last. or ever. like i'm a kid. i liked it though. we're gonna find a steakhouse for dinner today cause i said i want to and nico's in.

i hope the kids are alright. i could text, i know. but again. DISTANCE. i wanna enjoy the break and focus only on nico vacation. it's gonna be fine so long as he and i are together, right?

[gpavila]

ugh 10.31.23

I've honestly been feeling so ugh lately. I don't know how to explain it, I feel like i always try my best to put into words how i feel but this time i can't. I used to be good at going to people for help and advice, a part of me still is but i just cant. anymore, at least not like before. I just feel dumb after teliing someone anything or dont feel like i know how to really. Im at the point of my healing journey that im ready to let go of the pass and move on complety. I feel like this is the first time in like forever that i truly really do mea it, i am ready but am i really? I keep asking myself so much and feel like i expect so much from myself that i get so discurage whenver my progress isnt like other. I know and see tha i am far from where i use to be and that makes me so happy and gives me hope. New hope, more hope, healthy hope. I know and can tell that a part of me hasnt moved on completly and i mean that is okay. I keep trying to tell myseld that its okay and im trying to learn to be more patient with myself too. and its fucking hard. I find myself still dreamsing and thinking a lot about this particual person still (my ex) and it gets me so upset. i find myself waking up in the middle of my sleep and thinkin gbaout him and getting upset beecause why am i thinking about him you know, like i dont want to or do i? or what is it thats making my brain think about him still wihtout my control duh its frustuating. I was telling this to one of my friends from work and she told me that what if im under a spell or its wich craf. not going to lie a part of me is start to question it lol but i dont think so. I think if i really sit with my emotions like ive been trying to lern to do and its hard. but ive been wondering and now that im sitting here writing this, it came to me. Maybe the reason that i still think about him a lot and dream about him to the point that it wakes me up, might be simply because of my subconciouse. I feel like i have put so much of the blame on myself and have took all the guilt and kept it. I think a part of me still needs to fprgive myself, not only for the misdtakes that i made in that relastionship but how much i hurt myself in it. All of it, i still think i was a bad gf and but a lot of the blame on me so that might be it and maybe a bug factor too is that he moved on completely and faster than me. i know i haven't moved on and honestly yeah that really does upset me tbh but i know i need to be patient. I hope one day it is al gone for good because i am. as much as i didn't want to and as much as i was scared before now i am not, i want it, i want to completely move on for good, and i know the for good part will never happen, at least not in the way that i would hope for. i know that someone who was a big part of my life, someone who was my whole teenage years will be hard to completely forget, i wont, realistically speaking i wont, but idk the point that i am is good, it's a good sign that i am going in the right direction and i just have to keep doing what i am doing because the results are there and it seems to be working but at a really slow pace lol. I'm slowly starting to feel happy with myself and with who and what i have in my life. trying to make the best out of anything big or small. i look back at things and no longer get sad but glad it happend but something it can still hurt and all i guess is trying to say that i hope one day i can lookk back at everything without feelign one single glimps of hurt. I want to let go completly. im still sad

[hotchley]

🐨 Hello hello! It’s been a minute! I kinda forgot to send stuff. Let’s see, what’s going on….

In three months, I turn eighteen, and in five months (how is it only five months??) I graduate high school. That is insane and a little terrifying. Like, I’m ready to be done with high school, but at least I know high school, you know? College is an unknown variable and I don’t know what’ll happen. I’m optimistic about it, but it’s hard not to be dreading it a bit.

The poetry is going well! I had another poem accepted by a literary magazine, which I was super excited about. Speech is also going well. I’m giving a speech about heteronormativity, and it’s been really amazing to get to talk about something that I care about so much and have people listen. I’ve tried to explain to so many people so many times what heteronormativity is and why it drives me crazy, so it’s nice to feel like I’m actually doing something, even if it’s something small as a speech.

Oh! Guess what? I won my first ever speech tournament!! We were in another state and me and my roommates stayed up watching late night shows because I love those, and it turns out they do too! And the road trip was chaotic and amazing. Hearing my name called as first place and my teammates cheering and getting a standing ovation (that’s just speech etiquette, but still felt very cool!) was seriously amazing.

I’ve finished all my college applications, so now I just wait. I’ve heard back from a few…all positive so far, but there’s one with a 6% acceptance rate that’s my dream school but it’s insanely hard to get into. I’m thinking I’ll go into journalism. I love writing, and I want to do something that’ll help people/make a difference, so. It seems like a good option. But I have four years of college to figure that out, haha.

I’ve always wondered the difference between a barrister and a solicitor! In America, we have different types of lawyers like attorneys and prosecutors. It can get a bit confusing.

I get to go to a wedding in a few months! My karate senseis. We’ve known they’re getting married for awhile, but we got our official invitations at class last night, so that was cool. I’ve never been to a wedding before, except for one when I was 4 that I don’t really remember. Both the senseis are really awesome people, so I’m excited to get to go and celebrate them.

I was looking through your other blog again…I still adore your writing. Your poetry is so powerful. It definitely inspires me and my writing! And I’m still keeping a Happy Jar on my phone :)

Hi. Hi. Hi. Ummmmm... there is no reason for why I haven't answered asks apart from the simple: I haven't. I have no idea when you sent this but it was an embarrassing amount of time ago. I am hoping it hasn't been three months?

It's always terrifying! I felt the same way because I spent seven years at the school. I was genuinely terrified I wouldn't be able to handle being away from there because they have always kept me okay. But it's been several months since I left and I'm doing okay. Things settled. So be cautiously optimistic, and like I always tell kiddos, your education will always be waiting for you when you're ready. That's how it works. So there's never a rush.

Ah that's so good! I'm so glad you get to do it on something you like. And it's not just a speech. When I was in year eight, I did a speech workshop that was also a competition and I talked for a minute about the value of a human life. People cried. People three years later still remembered it. Our words, whether written or in passing, impact people. Something my friend said months ago that she's forgotten about has stuck with me. It'll be a good speech. It will have impact.

And congratulations on winning!! That's amazing and so cool and you really deserved it!

Journalism is so cool! I mean, you've tried to get in. Rejection is always hard, and if it happens, you need to let yourself feel sad and cry and whatever, but the knowledge that you didn't get in is infinitely better than the sadness of not even trying. I promise.

It's more that barristers go to court and solicitors usually don't. The main reason there hasn't been fusion is because of tradition and also the way people are paid is different- barristers are self-employed, solicitors usually aren't etc.

I LOVE WEDDINGS! I went to two last year, and I also went to the pre-wedding functions which was an experience. One was my cousin- her and her husband are the sweetest- and the other was my dad's friends daughter. That was during my A-Levels, which was chaos, but it was also my first English wedding so that was super cool! Weddings are fun for me because i love love and speeches and the dressing up and aah.

Awww. I think that's the nicest compliment I've ever been given about my writing! The Happy Jar has migrated to a notebook for 2023 and it's much, much easier now so the phone was the way to go!

[v0idling-sp00ps]

The Babez: William

Hi all, Happy October! I haven't' updated this blog in a while, because I haven't had much to update on. Except for now I do!

I just have had the wildest experience over the past week or so. I want to document it here, so I can come back to this in the future. This is a long Storytime post, so I am putting it under a cut :3

So, long time ago, I began hashing my spirituality together. I don't have much of a label for it, and it's been a real challenge piecing together my beliefs from nothing. Y'all already know about The Babez (Loki, Azazel, Hel, Lucy...and recently Hypnos) but I haven't really talked about the very beginnings of finding my babez.

I have pretty vivid dreams. I've been told the way I dream is unusual. I don't believe that at all, but it is relevant to this story. I used to write down dream notes, if my dream was particularly interesting one night. Nothing big, just snippets of stuff I remember. I have one, still, in my phone, that shook me because of how real it felt.

In the dream there was a man, as I described him he had "Dark hair and bright blue eyes". They were like, shining blue. A very specific tint. In this dream, I knew this guy was named William. Which was a big deal at the time, because William was what I had named this entity that seemed to hang around and look out for me. I named him William myself, which is important because I need you to know that I did not believe that to be his real name, just one that I could use to recognise him personally.

Anyways, he was standing on the public road that runs beside the neighborhood I grew up in. This road...it's significant to me emotionally. One night, when I was so depressed, I felt trapped, and at 3am, I wandered out of my parent's house and down this road. I got to a stoplight at the end of my neighborhood, on this specific road, and realised what I was doing, and turned around. It's one of the most...personal and scary experiences I have ever had with my MDD. So, of course he was standing on this specific road. No other road had such significance to me as someone who was lost.

I remember I pulled a ring out of my chest, because this was The William, and I wanted him to know how important he was to me. He had been talking to me about granting wishes, and I wanted to give him something as payment. It was specifically a banding made of white bone, and copper wire, with a blood red ruby set in it. I knew it was made of me, and I offered it to him. I thought for sure he would take it, it was a gift. But, instead he closed my hand around it and said "Just wait". Which, made me so sad at the time because I had taken this straight out of my own soul, and he was saying eh didn't want it.

He disappeared, and then behind me was this huge fox. Foxes have no significance to me. Spiritually or personally. I like them. Who doesn't like foxes? But like, they aren't as significant as William or the road. To this day, I don't know why this was a fox.

It was gigantic. The size of a three story building. I turned to look at it, and it was so injured. It was just having a fit on this road, and was obviously on the brink of dying. I walked over to try to help it...and it suddenly got better. It stood up, and i remember trying to speak to it. I asked if it was okay. It hadn't looked at me until this point, and when it did it barred it's teeth. Then let out this howl that shook me to my bones. I woke up, not like in a sweat, but my heart...I could still feel the vibrations of that howl.

I've kept that dream in a note app in my phone for like 10 years. William kind of faded away over the years, as hardship and depression piled on. I never figured out his identity in the world. He was this strange...real...fake...being, that just seemed to care about me.

Then, the other day, I was at my job, listening to folklore podcasts. I love Celtic folklore in particular. I've been all up into some pixies and Fae lately; And, this one episode I was listening to was explaining the jack o' lantern. Which comes from Jack of the Lantern, who also has friends like Joan of the Wad, and Kitty of the Lantern. They're names for sources of light, kind of personified. I always found that so endearing. That people named their light sources, like they had little souls. Then, the podcast talked about Will O' The Wisp, and I had to stop what I was working on...because pieces just fell into place. You see, I always thought Will' O' The Wisp stood for "The will of the wisp", with the wisp being like the name of the creatures that lured travelers from paths at night. But, this podcast named it as William of the Wisp. Like Joan the Wad and Jack the Lantern. Wisp is the name of the light source, not the entity that inhabits that light source.

Everytime I have seen these little Will O The Wisps portrayed in media, they have usually been blue. A bright, luminescent shade of this lovely kind of periwinkle blue. Like William's eyes.

Is that who he is?

Have I encountered The Wil' O' The Wisp...on a road...that I was lost on...at night?

I've never had a spiritual experience fall so perfectly in line as this one has. It's....crazy to me that things fit so well. My piecing together of my own spirituality rarely ever falls in line with an established mythos.

But this...

I haven't thought about William in years. Like maybe a decade. And suddenly it seems that dream might have been something more than just a piecing together of random images in my subconscious. I don't really believe in prophetic dreaming, but this....it's just so strange.

Anyways, here's to William. If he is still lingering around. I plan to give him, Joan, and Jack a permanent light on my altar. I've also decided to dedicate my favorite pumpkin light to him, because it is this hazy blue almost ghostly color.

I hope I see him again. Maybe this is why he told me to wait? I dunno.

Happy October, friends! I hope this story gave you a second of spookiness in this lovely spooky season. It's the closest thing I have to a ghost story.

Happy Hauntings Friends!

[tomicaleto]

Fanfic Ask Game, 🖊 and 🏅

Hi Anon! I restarted my computer just to answer to you, please appreciate it xD

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

*Sweats in "I haven't been able to write for a while"*

I'll put something here and if I had already shared it before, we're gonna pretend it's brand new, alright?

It was huge, even making him feel small, and quiet, only the artificial sounds coming from below the ground and the distant roar from the ocean waves could be heard. He crawled freely, pushing against walls and biting things to see what they were made off.

And the further inside he went, the more interesting things he found. The dome had different levels on the inside, places that he didn’t know how to get too and curling tunnels that lead to swishing walls.

He had relaxed after not finding any white creature, lowering his guard so he didn’t notice something was close until he turned around a corner and came across a small creature with chubby cheeks and warm blood.

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).

Oof Anon, asking the hard questions. I'll be honest, I've recently been struggling with fandom in general, both as an artist, a writer and a more or less active member. I had to officially put one of my WIPS in a hiatus until I can't get back to it and it made me sad that I had to do that.

But I do love trying to focus on the positive stuff so, here are some: I finally got to finish a prompt I was sent weeks ago and hopefully I'll manage to write the other ones I still have in my inbox soon. I posted it on Ao3 and received comments in other stories after so I reread those to answer the comments and I enjoyed it! Which was great because I had been feeling a bit insecure about my style. I have also dealt with something that was bothering me which means I have now a new project to work on! Finally, I sat down the other day to research for another project I had been pushing back for a while now so I can't wait to sit down and write

Thanks for asking! Feel free to send more questions!

Fanfic Ask Game (the movie, the sequel)

[randomshyperson]

Cherry Wine - Milf!Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Summary: Sometimes a glass of wine is all it takes to see someone who has always been in front of you. Or the one where Wanda is getting divorced, and you two are best friends.

Warnings: (+18), brief drunk making out, friends to lovers, lots of teasing and sexual tension, reader is a simp, semi public, a bit of roleplay, fingering (r giving), oral (r giving). | Words: 7.058k

A/N-> This idea has been on my drive for months, but I only finished it last week. Here it is, I think I've got all the warnings, but let me know if I'm missing anything. Good reading!

General Masterlist || AO3 || Wattpad

--//--

It was official. 

Exactly 3 hours and 8 minutes ago - and Wanda knew that because she was timing how long she could hold her breath under the short water of the tub - she became officially a divorced woman. 

She had just returned the cell phone with the lawyer's confirmation that all papers delivered had been read and the process was finished as she placed it beside the tub and was about to return to her childish challenge when the bathroom door opened.

You frowned at your best friend's posture, but there was a little smile on your lips. 

"You have strange habits, Wanda. I worry sometimes." You commented humorously, getting a weak chuckle from the other woman. You had two towels in your hands - one for body and one for hair - which you left on the sink. "Natasha said, for the twentieth time, that she's very sorry to miss the girls' day, but she's going to try to bribe Fury with bagels to see if she could switch her overnight duty to tomorrow."

Wanda nodded in understanding but said nothing about it. If she was one hundred percent sincere, although she also loved Natasha, you were more than enough. You had planned a surprise day with just the girls on the same day the divorce papers were filed because you figured Wanda would need company. She expected to arrive home from the court to do household chores that were sure to make her cry, but she arrived at the clean and organized place, a hot bath waiting for her and your companionship. 

"Are you ready to get out or should I leave the music on? You look like you're pretending to be a music video, and I wouldn't want to disrupt the creative process of the best writer in this country." You joke, and this time Wanda laughs with flushed cheeks.

"Stop it." She grumbles, but you just shake your head with a chuckle. "What did you say we were going to do anyway?"

"Cooking." You retort with one hand propped on the sink. "I know it's the only thing that helps you relax as much as writing, but since you hate writing when you're upset, Sokovian food will have to do." You reply and Wanda sighs heavily.

"Okay." She says. "Can you give me five minutes?"

You smile. "Honey, I'll give you all the time you need. Meet me in the kitchen when you’re ready." You said before leaving.

Wanda hugged her legs trying to get up the courage to leave the bathroom. Today would be a good day, she was sure. All the days around you were good, or at least, they were better than the days without you. These were not so common. Ever since the two of you met, so long ago in high school, you haven't been apart. Same high school, same college, same group of friends when you started your careers. While Wanda became a writer, you followed the same career as your mother and sisters in the medical field.

Today had to be a good day because Wanda had been needing these lately.

And while she was getting dressed, you walked casually down the stairs toward the kitchen.

Pietro called next and you put him on speakerphone as you moved to start getting the pans out.

"What do you need, my least favorite Maximoff?" You answered the call with a tease and heard laughter on the other end of the line.

"Please, everyone knows you are secretly in love with me." He returned, making you chuckle and shake your head. "Only that would explain why you lived at my house all the time in high school."

"Of course. And here I thought it was because your sister is my best friend, how silly of me." 

Pietro laughed, and before you could continue you heard two childish voices joining the call, and you left the pans on the countertop to look at the twins trying to fit into the camera view.

"And how are the cutest boys in the whole world doing?" You asked, making them smile.

"Aunt Y/N, Tommy and I got a new video game!" Billy said excitedly. "Uncle Piete gave it to us as a present!"

"Yes, because they were very well-behaved on the trip, and they promised they'll remain just as quiet while I'm driving home." Pietro advised, rubbing his forehead lightly and making you smile.

The twins were spending the weekend with their uncle on the other side of the state, and you had asked Pietro for a few extra hours because of girls' day - which he promptly agreed to, because besides adoring his nephews, he figured Wanda needed some break.

"What time are you getting on the road?" You asked.

"After lunch. We should get there around six, and with any luck, those little boys will fall asleep halfway, right, kids?" Peter tried, but seeing the way Billy and Tommy were jumping around excitedly, that seemed far from the truth. You laughed at Pietro's tired expression. "Hey, how's Wanda?"

Before you could answer, Wanda had come downstairs - her hair slightly damp and her posture relaxed as she put on a sweatshirt set - she looked good. Quiet pretty.

"Y/N?" You blinked in confusion, realizing that you were staring and hadn't said anything for a long moment. Clearing your throat, you picked up your cell phone and turned to Wanda - who smiled at the sight of her brother and children - and approached.

"Mom, look at our new video game!" The twins started talking quickly, and you smiled as you watched Wanda's face light up as she spoke to them. You left your cell phone with her and went to organize things in the kitchen.

After a few minutes, Wanda ended the call with 'Love you, see you all later' and a nod, and then approached you, sliding the cell phone into the back pocket of your pants.

"Don't put it away, we're going to need it." You warn, putting down the plates you took from the top. "I need to look up the recipes online, I have no idea how to cook anything, Wands."

"That's what I'm here for." She retorts with a smile, taking the plates from your hands. "Everyone knows that following recipes is like cheating."

"That doesn't make any sense." You try but she just shrugs her shoulders and moves to leave the dishes on the countertop, and you laugh, seeing that this argument you will not win.

Except that, many minutes between jokes, touches, and playful nudges - from grabbing an ingredient before Wanda can, gently pushing your shoulders against hers when she was measuring something, or tickling her when she goes to reach for something on the highest shelf - whatever Wanda was cooking sure wasn't going as planned.

"There's something missing." She commented thoughtfully as she tasted the seasoning, and you crossed your arms as you leaned your back on the countertop beside her.

"Sorry, miss we don't need a recipe, did you say something?" You teased playfully, and she rolled her eyes with amusement.

"Okay, Y/N, renowned chef from nowhere with impeccable skills in making instant noodles and ice, can you please check the ingredients for me?"

"Hum, I didn't sense much sincerity in your request, but I will overlook it because you are cute." You joke, and since you are distracted by picking your cell phone out of your pocket, you don't notice that despite her shy chuckle, Wanda's cheeks turn pink.

With the recipe, it was definitely easier to finish lunch. And the food was delicious. You and Wanda took the dishes into the living room - because it was a quiet day, and since the kids are not here, you could do it just today - and turned on the TV. 

Wanda wasn't even surprised that you had sorted out her favorite sitcoms, but she was certainly pleased. You were good to her. Always so good to her. And now, watching you out of the corner of her eye as you giggle at one of the jokes on the television, Wanda has to remind herself that she shouldn't feel her heart racing this way. It's not how friends feel.

"When do you have to go?" That is the question she lets slip almost four hours after you both have finished lunch. The dishes were carried into the kitchen by you at some point, and this must have been the only time you guys got up from your empty cushions besides bathroom trips. Wanda thinks that her anxious brain came up with this because she hasn't heard a word of the episode since she stretched out her legs on the sofa and your hands began to massage her feet.

You raise an eyebrow at her, surprised at the sudden question.

"Are you kicking me out, Maximoff?" It's ironic and humorous, and Wanda giggles, letting her head fall back on the couch as she looks at you.

"Of course, I'm so tired of relaxing and having fun all day." She retorts in the same tone making you smile. However you stop your caresses to check your watch, and Wanda regrets asking.

"I have the night shift, so I should leave before Pietro gets back with the boys." You mutter before returning your gaze to her. "But we have enough time to bake some cookies for them."

The suggestion makes Wanda smile. "Can we bake a pie too?"

You laugh, pushing her feet gently to get up. "Anything you want, sweetheart."

Wanda must have the flu. You always use affectionate nicknames, but now, it makes her heart skip a beat. She follows you into the kitchen lazily - even a little hesitant - somewhat confused about her own reactions. You don't notice anything.

Baking is different for you two - you are better at it than she is. Wanda helps with the dough though, and you have fun when you need to wash your hands in the sink, several playful pushings until you're done. 

"Now we wait." You say as soon as the last tray of cookies is in the oven. Wanda decides to sit on the floor, her back resting on the countertop behind her, and you laugh at the scene, but sit down beside her, both of you staring at the cookies baking. There is a moment of silence, just your quiet breaths. Wanda hugs her legs and you sigh. "How has it been today, sweetheart?"

Wanda knows you are asking about the divorce, precisely about the absence of Vis around the house now. But to be fair, it's not as if he used to be around anymore anyway. And that is exactly what she tells you. Despite offering you a hum of understanding, you complete with a quiet "I'm sorry."

She raises an eyebrow. "Why? You never liked him."

You let out a short chuckle, looking at her with almost surprise. "I'm sorry you're going through this, I mean. And that you're sad. It doesn't matter how I felt about him."

Wanda nods, resting her face on her arm. "I'm not sad, Y/N." She murmurs. "I'm somewhere between relieved and angry. Probably both."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." You repeat and Wanda lets out an almost impatient sigh, turning her body toward you.

"You know what, Vision is no longer my husband. You can be honest, okay?" She practically accuses, and seeing your confused and surprised expression, she completes, "About him I mean. You two never got along. You don't have to hide what you really think about him anymore. You can be honest, I won't mind."

"Wanda, I really don't think that talking shit about your ex-husband is the appropriate thing-"

"Stop it." She cuts off gesturing a bit. "Vision was all about the appropriate thing, remember? So please, Y/N. Let's just, for today at least, be honest. I need this."

You sigh, looking at her with some hesitation. "Promise you won't be angry?"

"I promise."

"Even if I'm mean, or rude?"

Wanda laughs. "Yes."

You giggle too, but then let out an almost excited exclamation. "Okay, I've kept these things since college when you first met him, but let's do it." You stated in a fake serious tone that made Wanda chuckle slightly. Theatrically you made a thoughtful face and cleared your throat before beginning. "Okay, first of all, Vision was the most idiotic guy you could have chosen to marry, and these are the reasons: He is crude, hugely arrogant, and manipulative. I always hated the way he talked to you. He treated you as if he were somehow smarter or more talented, and he was never either." You began to state and Wanda's eyes widened slightly. "And also, he couldn't read the room. I lost count of how many times he made you uncomfortable with some inappropriate comment. And the worst part is that he didn't have the slightest clue that you were bothered because even though he was with you, he seemed to know nothing about you!"

Wanda swallowed dryly, watching you vent. The worst part was that you were right about everything, and she remained silent as you opened up:

"And that was just the beginning, you know? You two started going out, and he didn't even know the basics about you! And then you got engaged and he bought you a really expensive ring and all I could think was 'what a stupid guy'. You don't even like blue, he could have spent less on a red stone and Wanda would have loved it even more." You comment and Wanda lets out a chuckle that you share. "And then you got married, and the party was beautiful I admit, but he drank too much and almost ruined what was supposed to be the best day of your life."

"Thanks for moving the cake, by the way." Wanda muttered remembering the day clearly, and you laughed, nodding.

"It didn't get any better after that, Wanda." You continued. "He was a terrible husband to you. He didn't go to any of your events, and I know that because I was at all of them. And remember the twins' anniversary and the wine accident? The jerk was more concerned about a damn bottle than an injured son. It was a good thing I already knew how to do decent bandages." You joke about the last part, but Wanda can't give you more than a short laugh. 

You keep listing - days and more days when Vision was a terrible father and husband - and you keep being right. But mostly, you were the one present in her life all the time. Attending her writer's publicity events, at family parties, gently picking the kids up from school, caring for this family as if it were your own. Wanda feels a lump forming in her throat. She wants to cry, especially if it means you are the one going to hug her.

Noticing her silence, you interrupt yourself mid-statement, looking at her with concern.

"See, Wanda, I knew I shouldn't have said anything!" You declare seeing the tears in her eyes, your face almost desperate. "I take it all back. Forget what I said, it was insensitive and foolish to say it at this moment."

Wanda gives a tearful laugh, shaking her head. "No, Y/N, don't worry." She says trying to push the emotion away, "You're right. Vis was an idiot, but that must mean I am too for believing him." She declares sadly and you deny frantically, but Wanda looks down at her own lap. "Maybe all of this is not for me, you know? I'm just not a good wife."

"That's what I mean, Wanda." You begin as you raise a finger to her chin, making her look up at you. Your hand doesn't pull away, fitting comfortably on her cheek, and it takes all of Wanda's mental control not to lean in or melt at the touch. "He made you feel like you weren't enough when he should have made you feel like you were everything." She knows she is blushing, and she knows that because your hand is on her face you are feeling the warmth of her cheeks. So she thinks it best to smile and nod, pushing her face away before she loses control of her own body.

"I have an idea." She declares because she doesn't want you to think she has rejected your touch or that she is angry, and is getting up. "Vis has carried most of his things away but left a bottle of wine from our wedding. I'm sure it was the last shot to try to make me feel guilty, but he's not going to have that victory. I want to drink that whole bottle with my favorite person, which is you."

Wanda didn't see the silly grin you had on your face because she was getting the glasses and the bottle from the cabinet under the sink. You checked on the cookies before you got up and Wanda brought the items to the countertop behind you.

"The saddest part is that your wedding wine is terrible." You commented, making her laugh.

"I know." She says as she opens it. "But it will have to do. One sip for the symbolism of the moment?" She asks, making you chuckle before nodding.

But time aging has improved the drink. You and Wanda share a surprised look as you taste the cherry, hum of satisfaction after the first sip.

"While it's not bad, I can't go to work drunk." You warn as you return the cup to the countertop and Wanda laughs, shrugging.

"More for me then." She says and turns your entire cup over in a single gulp, making you giggle and shake your head. 

You go into the living room to get your cell phone, and when you return to the kitchen Wanda is sitting on the countertop. She has given up on the glasses and decided to drink straight from the bottle.

"Natasha apologized again, and said that the attempted bribe ended up getting her an extra shift." You say as soon as you read the message from your cell phone, and Wanda lets out a hearty giggle.

"Damn, now I feel bad." She retorts. "I think I'll save some of my pie for her."

"My pie you mean." 

Wanda laughs, rolling her eyes. "We split the work!"

"Yeah, yeah, you can take five percent credit." You tease as you move closer, leaving your cell phone on the countertop next to her where you stop. 

"Five percent?" She repeats with false indignation.

"And I'm being generous."

Wanda lets out a short laugh, pushing your shoulder playfully but you are looking at her in a way that makes her legs go weak. Your cell phone vibrates the same second Wanda starts to lean in, and it breaks the moment completely.  She decides to take another long sip while you check the message.

"It's Harley. She wants to know if I can come in early because an appointment popped up." You count as you type. "Sorry, Wanda, but you just lost another hour with your favorite person."

Wanda chuckles. "You're never gonna let that one go, are you?"

"Not a chance." You retort with a mischievous smile, looking at her for only a second before you go back to typing. 

Wanda takes another long sip of her wine, and the next words are coming out before she can hold them back, "How come you never got married?"

You blink confusedly away from the phone at the sudden question, but you shrug. "I don't know. I guess I haven't met the right person yet."

Wanda is no longer smiling. She thinks she should, though. It would be the appropriate thing to do: smile relaxedly for a casual conversation with her best friend.

"Not even Harley?"

You chuckle at her phrase, putting your cell phone in your pants pocket, and she makes a surprised face. "You haven't heard? I think Natasha was waiting for the opportunity to tease me in the most efficient way about it." You begin. "We haven't been going out in almost a month now. We were doing well, I think, and I thought about asking her to be my girlfriend during a picnic. I set up a romantic date at the Municipal Botanical Garden, even took her to see a butterfly exhibit. And guess what? She fell in love with the flower girl."

Wanda stared at you in shock. "Sorry, what?" she asked, but you laughed, shrugging.

"There was a woman supervising the exhibit, a biologist. When it was over, Harley took my hand and said `Sweetheart, this has been lovely, but we can't go out anymore. I think I just found the love of my life because of you." You recount. "I particularly think it was a funny way for the universe to say it wasn't meant to be."

Wanda let out a nervous laugh, "Oh my god, I'm sorry." She said but you chuckled, shaking your head.

"Don't worry, I don't think it would have worked out anyway." You say. "Sorry for not saying anything too, I guess I ended up blocking that humiliation from my memory and forgot to tell you." You joke, making her laugh. You reached over to pick up the bottle she had left between her legs. "A sip of courage to face a twenty-four-hour shift." 

Your next sip of wine was miscalculated, and you downed a few drops, laughing at your own clumsiness. Wanda definitely must have been very drunk to be noticing the drop running down your chin, blushing as she realized the urge to taste it straight from your skin. 

And maybe because she was drunk, she thought it was an incredible idea to do exactly what she wanted. 

While you were scanning the place for a cloth to dry yourself, Wanda wrapped her legs around you before you could move away, ignoring your confused giggle as she pulled you closer by the shirt.

Your question about what she was doing turned into a gasping sigh when her lips met all the drops of wine falling between your chin and neck. You closed your eyes tightly, tensing up at the same moment, your hands gripping the counter as you try to keep your balance.

Wanda pulled away, licking her lips and her eyes so dark you couldn't see the green as you opened yours and faced her.

"There you go. Delicious." She spoke in a hoarse voice, and her gaze went down to your lips at the same moment. 

"W-what are you doing?" You stammered affected, your face burning and your heart racing. Wanda threw the consequences out the window, her brain screaming at her to kill this curiosity that had existed since high school, and she did. She closed her eyes and broke the distance, meeting your lips in a firm and deep kiss.

You choked in surprise, pulling back. Wanda blinked, mortified, and suddenly very sober. 

The apology died in a groan as you grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her for real the next second, tongue and teeth and with all the passion you had hidden for so many years. She matched the intensity, and as your mouths pressed together, her hands went to the back of your neck and yours went down to her thighs, encouraging her to wrap herself even more around you.

In the kitchen, all that could be heard was the sound of panting breaths and moving lips, until one of your hands went boldly inside her blouse and when your palm wrapped around her breast, Wanda gasped in a whimper, arching her body toward you. Something changed in you at the sound, your kisses grew harsher and your hands began to mark her. Wanda felt like she was burning from the inside out, so many years of buried feelings surfacing all at once and all she wanted was for you to release the hot knot in her belly.

Just as she felt your fingers work to pull up her blouse completely, the oven alarm beeped and awakened you. 

Wanda grunted at the lack of your lips, but you were stumbling backward in shock, and she had to hold onto the counter to keep from falling when you did, one hand on your chest and one in your hair, your breathing as out of rhythm as hers.

"Fuck, what we were..." You started practically panicking, only now noticing the wine bottle that fell on the counter with the movement, and exclaimed sweatily as you rushed to grab the item and a cloth, frantically preventing further mess. Wanda was busy trying to control her own breathing and ignore the waves of arousal and alcohol in her brain. 

But as soon as your gazes met again, she began:

"Y/N, don't panic." 

But you grunted, shaking your head. "Wanda, we're just-"

Your speech was cut off by the sound of a car parked in front of the house.

Shit.

"Oh, no, no, Shit." You muttered to yourself, and Wanda almost took it personally, but she could barely think about anything really, every cell in her body begging you to kiss her again when you moved closer again. But you were only trying to help with her messy appearance, letting out a gasping sigh as you raised your hands to smooth her hair and caught a glimpse of her swollen lips from the kiss. "God, so pretty..."

Wanda felt her face warm but you swallowed dryly, shaking your head and pulling away with a grunt. She would have complained but you adjusted your clothes and turned off the oven, and before she could comment, the front door was opening and lesser beings rushed into the room.

She heard your quick excuses about being late for work, and the promise of cookies in the oven was enough for neither Pietro nor the boys to question your hasty departure.

Wanda would have run after you, but she thinks her legs were still a bit wobbly.

–//–

You haven't spoken to Wanda in four days.

That's a record that impresses anyone who is part of your life - even Dr. Cho, who until last week though you were married to Wanda so many times she saw you leave the hospital for some family engagement with them. It was embarrassing to clarify that you were just a friend of the family.

Friend. 

You had a few. None like Wanda. And maybe that's why you're avoiding her.

The kiss hasn't left your mind since it happened. You had been running on automatic for days, and basically hiding at work to avoid the Maximoffs.

On the fifth day, Natasha had enough.

"This place is not a hotel, Y/N." She reminded as soon as she found you in the empty locker rooms again. You grimaced as you arranged the sheets on the bunk bed.

"But this has my name on it." You justified, gesturing with your head to the labels on the lockers. 

Natasha crossed her arms.

"The lodging is for on-call doctors. You were on call days ago. You have your own apartment, stop running away from your girlfriend."

You blush deeply and look away from the bedding in an attempt to hide it. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." You mutter, but Nat gives a dry laugh.

"Please, you've been working here for ten years, and for ten years Wanda has been making lunch boxes for you. Suddenly, she gets divorced and you start eating snacks from the machine and hiding in the dormitories. What, Vision finally found out that you were sleeping with his wife?"

“Nat!” You exclaimed embarrassed, but the redhead laughed and shook her head. "Don't say that! You know very well that Wanda and I, we never..."

"My god Y/N, you're still sleeping here?" Someone interrupted, coming to Nat's side. You sighed loudly at Harley, clearly arriving for her shift still in normal clothes and the lab coat inside her bag. "Did something happen to your house?"

Natasha smiles mischievously, leaning on the door. "That's what I'm trying to find out, and I'll bet you fifty bucks it has something to do with the hot Milf."

Harley raises an impressed eyebrow, her hands busy opening her own locker.

"What about Miss Maximoff?" She asks but you're sighing loudly and putting the covers away before walking away.

"Go mind your own business, Romanoff. And a good day to you two." You say as you leave in irritation.

But your escape from your colleagues is short-lived. Before lunch, when you've seen a few lovely patients that have improved your mood a bit, Natasha appears in your office.

"Hey, can I ask you a favor?" She asks leaning on the door, while you are checking the upcoming charts.

"Not if it's related to me staying in the dorm." You grumble grudgingly, managing a small laugh.

"I have found spiritual peace for that matter." She says mysteriously, and before you can clarify, she continues, "I'm going to take a little while at lunch, Maria and I are going to go over some adoption stuff. Do you think you can take over some General Practice patients? I can swap Pediatrics with you later."

You looked at your calendar before confirming, and Natasha smiled in appreciation, muttering that you were the best before you left.

In the afternoon, you were almost considering telling your long-time friend about what happened, but soon realized it was all her plan when you read Maximoff's name on the next appointment form.

In shock for a good few seconds, you almost considered faking a faint or escaping out the window, but both actions seemed very childish to you. 

It was just Wanda. Your best friend of a lifetime. You could have a conversation with her.

With trembling fingers, you pressed enter on the computer for the next password call and stood up to spend the next few minutes rehearsing exactly what you were going to say.

All the words went awry when Wanda's upset face came into your field of vision.

"H-hey." You greeted hesitantly, resisting the natural urge to break the distance and approach her, wrap her face between your hands and ask if everything was okay as you had done a thousand times. And Wanda missed that.

"Hi, doc." She greeted with a slight tease as she closed the door, you swallowed dryly wiping your soft palms on your pants.

"W-what are you, um, doing here?"

"Well, I figured if I made an appointment with the boys, you would have moved on to someone else. Given the way you're avoiding me." She replies without any ceremony, and you lower your head in shame, shifting the weight of your feet. "So I had to ask Nat for help."

You let out a humorless laugh. "Great plan." You mumbled before looking back at Wanda - who had taken off her coat. You cleared your throat. "Well, why don't you start by telling me what's wrong, Miss Maximoff?" You ask and Wanda tilts her head slightly, seeming to decide whether she was going to go through with this little theater or leave the room. Fortunately, she chooses the former.

With a soft sigh, she leaves her coat on the support besides the door and unhurriedly takes off one at a time the sandals she was wearing.

"I've had such a tough few weeks, Doctor." She begins, your eyes catching every movement of her hands taking off her sandals and causing your breath to hitch to the dark tingle that takes over her green irises. "With my divorce being finalized, I've been so stressed."

"That...I'm sorry to hear." You manage to say in a hoarse, affected voice, watching Wanda gently pushing her sandals to a corner of the room and starting to work the buttons on her red blouse in a tortured slow manner. Your heart leaps as you begin to see more skin. "W-what are you doing..."

"Oh, doc, I should be more comfortable, shouldn't I?" She asks with a false innocence that makes you swallow dryly, half her buttons open now. "So you can check me properly."

You choke softly, your face burning but your gaze mesmerized on the woman in front of you, who sighs softly as she removes her blouse, letting it fall down her arms to the floor.

Of course, in so many years of friendship, you had seen Wanda in lingerie a few times. But never like this. Not with her deliberately offering the image to you.

Your brain short-circuits, and she bites her lip, a hidden little smile as she watches your reaction.

"All this stress has left me so sore in so many places, doc..." Wanda begins, approaching in slow steps that make you hold your breath, the image of her cleavage covered only by a black bra making it impossible to concentrate on anything if not this. "Can you help me with that?"

You nod frantically, licking your lips to try not to look like a complete mess.

"W-where does it hurt, Miss Maximoff?" Your husky question makes Wanda smile even wider. She moves her hands to yours and pulls the first one until your palm is over her covered breast, drawing sighs from both of you.

"They are so sore since you touched me in the kitchen." Wanda confesses in an equally affected sigh, and you resist the urge to close your eyes, gasping a little. "Kept missing the feel of your hands around me, playing with them. It makes me tingle, unable to sleep. And thinking about that makes another spot hurt."

You blinked a little confused because of the liquid lust in your brain, but Wanda wasted no time in guiding your other hand to her belly and pushing down until it slid into her pants, past her panties.

You sighed deeply as you felt her wet pussy, instinctively squeezing her breast and making Wanda close her eyes tightly, her hands going to your shoulders for support.

"Fuck, Wanda." You grunt but Wanda is throwing her hips against your hand gently, urging you to start moving inside her.

"Please doc, only you can help me." She declares, and you shudder at the meaning behind her words, not resisting the temptation to slide your fingers through her folds, collecting and spreading the moisture that only seems to grow and makes Wanda whimper. "In-in-side, please... I need..."

You interrupt her with a kiss, overpowering with ease because Wanda is twitching at the feel of your fingers. She tries to match your hungry, intense kiss, but as soon as you push two fingers inside her cunt, she moans loudly, hands gripping your shoulders tightly to keep herself from sliding to the floor.

You hum in approval, your body burning with desire at the sensation of the soaked and tight walls of Wanda's pussy squeezing your digits. When she can no longer kiss you back because you have begun to thrust harder inside her and she can only rest her forehead against your shoulder, clinging to your body to keep from falling to the floor as your free fingers stimulate her nipple, you whisper in her ear, "You have such a greedy pussy, Miss Maximoff. Taking my fingers so well, so wet and tight for me. You know If you wanted this, you could have told me sooner."

Despite the closeness of her orgasm - Wanda could feel her legs wobble, the knot in her belly tightening, and waves of hot heat spreading throughout her body - she managed to retort:

"Would you have...helped me...if I had asked you before?" She said between breathless moans, and you almost flinched at the hidden meaning behind the question. But instead, you switched the rhythm until Wanda began to whimper, her hips moving against your hand in search of relief. 

Leaving Wanda's breast, you moved your hand to her face so that she would look up at you. Dark, dreamy eyes with very red cheeks. Wanda was absurdly beautiful, a mess on your fingers.

You make her cum before you say what you want. And she has to close her eyes for it, and you swallow the deep groan she lets out as she gets deliciously tight in your fingers, and soaks your hand with her juices.

As she recovers, you wrap an arm around her and draw patterns on her swollen clit.

"Look at me, Wanda." You call out in a whisper and wait until she does. "I would. Any time."

She swallows dryly, lowering her gaze to your mouth. "Even when..."

"Any time." You interrupt as you assure, sliding your fingers inside again and making her choke on her own breath. "I've loved you since high school, Wanda. If you had told me how you felt, I would have said the same. I would have kissed you in your dorm room, or at the church door. It could have been me screaming when the priest asked if anyone had anything against that union."

"Dorogoya..." Wanda starts out affectionate but turns into something like a whimper when you curl your fingers inside her. "Y-yes, just like that... chert vozʹmi, eto tak khorosho." she gasps in her native tongue, and you smile with a wave of pride in your chest as you watch her roll her eyes to the back of her head.

"Do you realize how many times I wanted to fuck you in that kitchen, Maximoff?" You continue, appreciating the way Wanda throbs in your fingers. "Or on your couch. Or my bed, when you and that asshole were fighting and you were going to cry on my shoulder?" You question, fingers stroking harder now. Wanda whimpers, shaking her head. "He never knew how to love you right, Wanda. Fuck you until you couldn't remember your own name. Good thing best friends know each other so well. I know exactly what you need, pretty girl."

Wanda was about to complain about the lack when you suddenly remove your hand from her pants, but you are kissing her hard and spinning her around until she is placed on the table. Your hands work to push her garment out of the way, and Wanda grunts when you break the kiss with a tug on her lips, only to feel her whole face burn when you start to get down on your knees.

Of course, she knows what you're going to do. And of course, you know that she has never received this before. You learned about it in a very awkward conversation on girls' night out, where Wanda had to confess that she was the only one in the group who didn't know what it felt like. Nat and Monica were too drunk to remember, but apparently you - from the victorious smile as you kissed her legs now - remembered very well.

Wanda tensed in anticipation, and you kissed her thighs before looking at her.

"Relax, Maximoff. You'll love it." You say trying to reassure her, but Wanda swallows dryly.

"You don't have to." She murmurs embarrassedly surprising you a little, "If you don't want to. Vision used to say it was weird and even unnecessary and I understand if you-"

"Oh, baby, you have no idea how much I want it." You sighed in solidarity. Ten damn years without decent sex. It had to be a joke. "Trust me, Wanda. I'm going to make you feel good like no one ever has."

She smiled shyly, and you kissed your way up until Wanda jumped softly with the first kiss against her clit. Your original plan was to go slowly, but as soon as you had a taste, your eyes rolled and you dove in.

Wanda cried out in pleasure and a little surprise, her hands gripping the table tightly.

“Oh, malysha… that feels-ah-really nice.”  Wanda gasped with her eyes closed tightly, her hips trying to match the rhythm of your mouth. Your tongue moved masterfully, in and out in a breathtaking rhythm as you spread her last pleasure all around. Wanda cursed in Sokovian as you sucked on her clit, arching her back and squeezing the table until her fingers turned white.

She was close, so tight in your mouth that you could feel how ruined your own panties were, but you didn't stop - grabbing her thighs to keep her open and continuing to eat her out even after she came hard in your mouth.

"Chert vozʹmi, dorogaya, eto slishkom" She babbled in ecstasy, falling with her elbows on the table, her whole body spasming deliciously. But you kept licking hungrily until her rambling words turned into cries of pleasure and she came again even more intensely.

You would stay there forever if you could, but the appointment time alarm began to sound and you grunted impatiently.

Licking her clean, Wanda blinked affectedly before she felt your hands wrap around her and help her stand properly, your lips dancing on hers and turning her into an even bigger mess as she felt the mixed taste on your tongue.

"Go on a date with me, Miss Maximoff." You say between one kiss and another, and Wanda chuckles softly.

"Is that an order, doc?"

"It's a request." You clarify even though you know she is only joking. "One that I should have made the second I laid eyes on you."

Wanda blushes, smiling shyly before kissing you again, slow and deep.

"I would have said yes." She confesses breathlessly. "Before or now. I didn't know, Y/N. If I had known-"

"It's okay." You interrupt her before she gets more anxious, kissing her mouth once or twice. "We have all the time in the world."

She smiles in agreement. "My place or in yours?"

You rub your nose against hers gently. "Is there a difference?" You retort getting a giggle in return.

You helped Wanda get dressed between kisses and stolen touches, and even after she left, your heart was still pounding inside your chest.

Wanda loved you back. And even though you had been friends for years, part of you felt that your story with her was just beginning. It was somehow terrifying. The possibility of screwing things up, of course. Good thing you would have your best friend by your side.