#but people are seriously criticizing the tiniest little thing

[camping-with-monsters]

why is everyone harping at the FNAF movie teaser for giving the animatronics red eyes when the real thing we should be actively upset at is the very pathetic attempt at making the vhs footage actually look like fucking vhs

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Young American - Part 2

A wee bit angsty, but it ends well!

Full series masterlist

WC: 9K+

Despite the conversation Y/N and Harry had outside of the tattoo shop, the one where he seemed remorseful for his behavior, Harry’s continued attitude towards her said otherwise. Just the very next day he went off on her because she had forgotten to refill the ink cups in the drawer at his station. It was an honest mistake, she really just forgot! But he felt that she had done it just to get under his skin and went out of his way to confront her about it. That squabble seemed to set the tone for the rest of the day, which no one was witness to because Rosa was still out sick and Y/N was still manning the front.

It didn’t stop there though, it seemed to get worse throughout the week. Rosa came back on Wednesday of that week so Y/N was put back on lots of shadowing, practice, and walk-ins. And since Harry was the one with less work to do, Auree had asked him to check on her tattoo practices. Despite her having tattooed many people, she still found it helpful to practice much more difficult things on the fake skin since most of her walk-in tattoos were very simple and tiny tattoos. Harry was a brutal critic, he would find the tiniest issue and tear her apart for it and  he seemed to find a lot of issues with her work. Like right now, she had a migraine coming on, so the last thing on her mind was the fucking practice piece that Harry was looking over. She was just trying to tough it out today and not puke as she often did when she got migraines. It was hard to focus on a thing other than the throbbing worsening on one side of her head.

“Jesus…” Harry mumbled as he looked over one of the mats she had been working on for a couple of hours, “If it were up to me you wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the clients. Look at this… that line is way too thick. And her arm here is way out of proportion.” He pointed out on the American style pin-up girl she had worked on.

“Yes, shit. I can see that now.” She responded, despite the queasiness she felt.

“How is it possible that you’ve been here for 4 months and you’re getting worse?” He asked her and she sighed, “And look at this!” He pointed out yet another thing that wasn’t wrong but that he stylistically didn’t agree with, but he reamed her on it nonetheless.

“Fuck. Yeah, I know this is not my best work but-”

“I don’t want to hear excuses, Y/N. Clients sure as shit aren’t going to want to hear excuses when you’ve botched their fucking tattoo!” He berated her, “If you’re not going to take this seriously maybe your mind was on the right track last week and you should quit.” He said with frustration as he dropped the square of silicone skin on the counter before her and she felt her chest tighten. 

It was truly demoralizing to hear an artist she had looked up to say that to her. Not just that, her head hurt so bad and she felt like she was going to be sick at any second.

“I am serious about it, but-”

“I just said there are no valid excuses for giving a shitty tattoo. You don’t get do-overs on clients, Y/N. Either you can do it or you can’t. I’m sure as shit not going to waste my time inspecting your work when you clearly can’t deliver.” He said lowly and walked away.

After that interaction the rest of her day inched by so slowly. It was depressing how slow it went. She caught Auree on her way out and told her she had a big migraine and would let her know if she’d be able to come in the next day. Auree was going on an little vacation and Y/N didn’t want to disrupt her time away, so she just told her now and Auree was more than OK with her being off if needed and with that she took off and Y/N finished up her tasks before also heading home for the night.

**********

Y/N’s migraine didn’t go away. She discovered this at 6am when her alarm was blaring beneath her pillows. She groaned and switched her phone to silence in irritation at it’s harsh interruption. A low and pained groan fluttered out of her mouth as she felt the throbbing intensify from the loud sound. She shook her head a little and squinted at the screen glaring at her in its full brightness but whatever movement she had just made suddenly made her extremely nauseous and she barely made it to the toilet before she started heaving up whatever contents her stomach could get rid of.

“Fuck.” She mumbled with tears in her eyes as the throbbing sensation on one side of her head just pounded torturously after the force of vomiting. She sat slumped against the bathroom wall for a few minutes before brushing her teeth and then carefully getting back into bed and texting Auree that she was still sick and after that she just fell back asleep.

***********

As was his routine, Harry showed up at the shop at about 8:30 in the morning. He was expecting to see Y/N fluttering around, headphones in as she accustomed after he’d chewed her out about something the day prior. They found it easier to just block each other out when the frustration had carried over into the next day. He realized that he did it a lot more than her, she’d only done it twice before. The first time she did it was a week prior, after she shared that she was thinking of quitting the apprenticeship. The second time was on Monday when he had gone off on her the day before for forgetting to put ink cups into his supply drawer. And maybe tomorrow would be another one of those days for her because it didn’t look like anything was prepped yet and he was annoyed as he wanted to work at his station. 

Harry walked around to see where she was, he could’ve sworn he saw her car outside, but when he went back out to check the parking lot behind the shop it was just his car. He went back inside and decided not to think about it too much. Maybe Auree had her run some errands since she was on vacation until next Tuesday. With that, he just went to prepping the stations, he had nothing better to do anyway and maybe she could learn a thing or two from his prep work.

It was now 9am and Harry was starting to get a little worried for some reason he didn’t want to explore at the moment, but this wasn’t normal for Y/N. He was about to text Rosa when she came in greeting him with a smile.

“Hey, H!” She said cheerfully.

“Ummm, Y/N’s not here yet. Do you know where she might be?” He asked her and she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Oh, that’s strange.” Rosa said and pulled her phone out of her pocket and she hummed, “She hasn’t texted me anything about not coming in.” She said and then went to her contact and called her and the phone rang out until she got her voicemail, “Ummm, it went to voicemail. Let me try Auree, maybe she knows something.” She said and called Auree and her phone went straight to voicemail, “Well, Auree’s probably still on the plane. We can ask G when he comes in?” Rosa suggested he nodded and they went back to doin their thing. Ten minutes later Rosa came back with a frown, “I’ve tried a few times and still no answer.” She said showing Harry five more calls, “I’m getting a little worried.” She admitted to him.

“Morning, losers.” Vy teased as she stepped into the studio and Harry who normally just teased her back, frowned. “What’re you guys all huddled up about?” She asked as she set her things down on her counter.

“Have you heard anything from Y/N? Like where she might be?” Harry asked her immediately.

“Mmmm, no. Last I saw her was last night before I left, she went to Auree’s office to talk to her before she left though. Y/N wasn’t looking too good.” She said and Harry frowned as he heard this and suddenly his words telling her that maybe she should just quit were echoing in his head.

“A-are you sure?” He asked her and she nodded.

“Yeah, maybe we just need to wait for Auree to get back to us. Y/N’s phone keeps ringing out to the voicemail and she hasn’t come in.” Rosa explained to Vy and she frowned.

“That’s really weird…maybe she had an emergency or something happened-”

“Nothing happened to her, you idiot.” Harry interrupted with an edge to his tone and Vy scoffed.

“Screw you, Harry. Why do you even care, huh? I’ve seen and heard the way you’ve been towards her these last few days.” Vy snapped and Rosa frowned.

“What do you mean?” She asked Vy.

“Harry’s been a total dick to Y/N since Auree put him in charge of her training. He made her cry on Tuesday.” Vy said and Harry sighed.

“No I didn’t.” He said to Vy, “I didn’t make her cry.” He then turned to Rosa who was frowning.

“You did, Harry! I saw her crying in the lounge after you had said something to her. I asked her if you had said something to her and she shook her head and I pressed her on it and she just told me to leave it alone. I then asked her if she wanted me to go and get Auree and she said no and promised me she would deal with it. Whatever that meant.” Vy confronted Harry.

“Jesus, Harry.” Rosa grumbled and Harry frowned, “Well, we shouldn’t be pointing fingers if we don’t know what’s actually happening. Let’s just wait until G gets here.” Rosa said.

“Speaking of the devil…” Vy said as G came into the studio area of the shop.

“What’s going on?” G asked with a smile and Harry frowned, this was going to get bad and they would surely tell Eddie that he was out of line and get him fired.

“Y/N hasn’t shown up yet and we can’t reach her at all.” Rosa explained and his smile dropped, “Do you have any idea of where she might be?” 

“Ummm, no. She wasn’t doing too well yesterday towards the end of the day though.” He said and Vy glared at Harry, “Maybe she’s out sick.” He said.

“She never said anything to me and Auree didn’t mention anything either before leaving. Can you try her?” Rosa said and he nodded and tried calling and it also rang out until it went to voicemail.

“Yeah, she’s not answering.” He said which validated everyone’s concern now, “I’ll try again later, OK?” He said to everyone and they all nodded and dispersed. 

The air was a bit tense through out the day and it was a little after 1pm when G went into the lounge for his lunch and Harry followed after him.

“Hey, man.” He said and G turned towards him.

“Hey, what’s up?” G said as he pulled his salad out of the fridge.

“Ummm, are you sure Y/N didn’t say anything to you about why she’s not here?” He asked again.

“Why do you care?” He asked Harry who sighed. All day he had this weird throbbing feeling in his throat and chest. What if he had pushed her too far? What if something had happened to her and he never got the chance to make it right? That put an even worse feeling in his chest.

“I can’t care about her not being here? I’ll have to pick her slack up all day.” Harry responded in such a bratty way despite the lump that seemed to be permanently lodged in his throat and G just shook his head.

“Maybe she took your advise from yesterday and decided to quit.” G quipped and Harry frowned.

“G-”

“Is that why you’re so worried about it?” He asked and Harry bit his lip.

“If you know where she’s at and you’re being a prick on purpose-”

“I haven’t heard from her either, asshole. She’s my friend and I’m worried about her too.” G said and Harry sighed and just walked over to the front where Rosa was looking through the appointments for the day.

“Hey, H.” She said softly.

“Haven’t heard from her?”

“No. Or Auree.”

“Jesus… I may have made her cry, but she just really pissed me off that day and-”

“Harry, there’s never a valid reason for making someone else feel that upset. She’s not as experienced as all of you. She’s just an apprentice, she’s been here a while but she’s still learning, OK? And she’s really good for the little experience she has. You need to cut her some slack.” Rosa said and Harry nodded.

“Can I use your keys, need to grab something from the supply room.”

“Yeah, here.” Rosa said and Harry thanked her before actually heading back and into Auree’s office. He looked through some of the drawers she had and he found the emergency contact papers and he snapped a quick picture of Y/N’s before heading out and returning the keys to Rosa. He then snuck out of the back door and looked at the picture and then dialed the number.

“C’mon, Y/N…pick up.” He whispered as the line rang and rang and then there was silence for a moment, “Hello?” Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice-, “Shit.” He mumbled and hung up. He then looked back at the picture to see if he had put in the correct number and he had. He then saw her emergency contact below. He bit his lip and decided he would just call it. It rang a few times before it stopped, “Hello?” He spoke tentatively.’

“Who is this?”

“Hi, my name is Harry. Is this Juliana?” He asked.

“Yes and Harry? I don’t know a Harry.” She said with a questioning tone.

“Oh right, sorry. I’m from English Graffiti, the tattoo shop Y/N’s the apprentice for?” 

“Oh! Is there something I can help you with?” She asked him.

“I don’t meant to alarm you at all but have you heard from her today? We’ve been trying to get a hold of her all bloody day and we’re really worried about her.” He explained. Now that he was alone the anxiety in his voice came clean through.

“Ummm, there must be some confusion, she’s home sick. Since yesterday she had a migraine.  The poor thing gets these every now and again, but they’re really awful and can last for days. She’s been sleeping nearly all day.” She explained, “Maybe that’s why she hasn’t been picking up.” Upon hearing that Harry felt a sense of relief completely wash over.

“Oh, thank god.” He sighed and the woman chuckled, “Our manager left for vacation yesterday and she probably forgot to tell us that she wouldn’t be coming in.” He explained, “Just wanted to check with you because we’ve all been thinking something was wrong all day.” He said.

“No, apart from the killer headaches she’s good. If she wakes up I’ll have her call you or text you?” 

“Oh no, that’s fine. I’ll just let everyone else know that she’s alright. Thank you.” He assured.

“Alright, hon. Thanks for checking in.”

“Yeah, hope she feels better soon. Just let her know if she needs another day or something she can text Rosa. She’s the assistant manager.” 

“Alright, buh-bye.”

“Bye.” Harry said and hung up. 

At least she was alive and hadn’t quit to his knowledge… she had given him quite a scare with that. He really needed to sit with the feelings he’d had all day, pure anxiety, guilt, and concern. Plus, now two of his colleagues had first hand-witnessed how his actions had impacted Y/N. He didn’t want them to think he was an asshole. Well maybe, it was a little late for that but he could still make it right. Harry took a little breather for a few minutes, he was deciding on whether he should text her and see how she was feeling; but after giving it some thought he decided that it would be best to talk with her in person when she returned.  He made it back inside just as Rosa was telling everyone that Y/N had texted her and informed her she was out sick and that she had talked to Auree about it before she left. Auree also got back to Rosa eventually, her phone had died and she had left her charger in her stowed away luggage and hadn’t been able to use it until she had arrived at her destination.

The day was closing out and Vy had just finished her final appointment. She saw that Harry had started to clean up, as Y/N usually would if she were around. So after saying her goodbye to her client she went over to Harry.

“Hey, sorry for throwing you under the bus like that earlier.” She apologized and he slightly turned to her as he moved to the next empty station and sprayed down the surface with disinfectant.

“It’s alright. I kind of deserved it, I was a complete prick to Y/N.” 

“Why though?” Vy asked and he sighed as moved to the next station.

“I don’t know…” he fibbed and she rolled her eyes.

“You like her or something?” She asked with an unimpressed expression on her face.

“No. I mean, she is kinda hot, but it’s nothing like that.” He stated and she looked at him skeptically.

“I just don’t get it, H. You were literally in the same boat as her for the longest time. Out of all of us you should understand how the apprenticeship thing can go. If anyone should be in her corner here it’s you.” Vy said.

“I know that. I’ve just been having a tough time settling in and getting things going for myself. I think it’s just easier to take it out on her since she doesn’t know stuff and whatnot.” He said to her and she sighed upon hearing this.

“It’s gonna get better. You’re a great artist, Harry.” Vy assured him and he smiled. “Now, I have another question for you.” She said.

“Alright, shoot.”

“Why didn’t you wipe the disinfectant?” She questioned and he chuckled.

“I actually learned that from Y/N. Apparently on the backs of the bottles it says it has to like marinate on surfaces for a little bit to really disinfect, so yeah. That’s why it’s just sitting here.” He said and she hummed.

“Interesting. Are you gonna apologize to Y/N?”

“Yeah. When she’s back though. Unsurprisingly she’s not too happy with me.” He reminded and she nodded.

“Of course. Well, just make it right, OK?” Vy asked and Harry nodded in assurance.

“I will.” He confirmed.

*************

Y/N was feeling a bit better in the evening, so when G spontaneously dropped by to check in she told her aunt to let him in. 

“Come in!” She called out when she heard a few knocks on her door and in came G with a smile.

“Hey, how you feeling?”

“It’s manageable right now.” She said.

“Good. We missed you at work today.” He said and then her eyes opened wide.

“I just recalled, Harry called my aunt!” She disclosed and G’s eyes widened.

“He what?” G asked in disbelief and she nodded.

“Yeah, she told me that a guy with a British accent called because he was worried about where I might be.” She smiled with satisfaction. Maybe he had a heart after all…she thought to herself.

“Well, yeah that’s accurate. He was freaking out almost all morning about it. I think he thought that he had definitely made you quit after yesterday.” G cackled and she giggled, “He was freaking out! I have never seen him so concerned!”

“Serves him right…” Y/N mumbled and G nodded with a grin.

“I mean, he must be a nice guy if Eddie has been friends with him this whole time.” G speculated.

“I guess…I mean, he was nice to me once and then shit on it two seconds later. I just don’t get his logic for treating me like shit. Do you think if I just don’t interact with him it would be unprofessional? Like of course, I’ll talk with him if it’s work related, but I’d avoid him at all other costs.” She said and G shook his head.

“No, I don’t think you’d be wrong for that.” He said and she nodded. 

After a bit more chatting he informed her that he had actually brought her some pho and they could eat together if she was up for it and after their meal he was leaving and Y/N was heading back to her room after bidding her aunt a good night. As she laid there staring at her ceiling she couldn’t help but feel a tinge of satisfaction knowing that Harry felt bad, even guilty perhaps, because of what he had said to her. But to the point that he called her aunt somehow? It was too good and so insane! And if she could, she would totally tease him about it until the day he died. But also, it kind of made her angry that he was so arrogant and self-important that he thought his words could break her down so much that she would actually quit. 

Yes, she had given it serious thought, but because as she had told him before, she deserved more than someone who was half-assed helping her. She knew she was good, Eddie didn’t just choose her for nothing, his Y/Nidation gave her confidence in her abilities and a lot of what she learned came directly from him. So if Harry had an issue with how she did things that meant he had an issue with Eddie, and there was no way that was the case. 

Harry was a total mind fuck to her. The part of her that loved mysteries and puzzles was awakened around him. She wanted to figure him out, wanted to see what his soft spot was and hopefully get him to ease up on her. But then on the other hand, she knew that engaging with him was probably not going to have the desired outcome and once again, with some snarky remark he would just enrage and disappoint her. So what was the point of even trying to be nice and win him over? Maybe she could just continue to do it for her own good karma then.

…. A COUPLE DAYS LATER ….

It was odd for someone to be at the shop before Y/N, but lo and behold, Harry was in before her. She knew it was him because he either drove a motorcycle or his classic, yellow Ferrari;  today it was the motorcycle. She took three deep breaths as she approached the back door to get inside. She wondered for a few seconds if she was on the devil’s fun list because after having a three day migraine, the last thing she needed was to be greeted first thing in the morning by one, Harry Styles. She rolled her shoulders back and exhaled away the negative thoughts before opening up the door and heading to the lounge/lockers area. As she turned into the room she was met with Harry pouring a mug of coffee.

“Morning.” She mumbled and he looked up.

“Good morning.” He responded with a small smile, “This is actually for you.” He said and her eye brows lifted in slight surprise.

“Ummm-”

“I read somewhere that caffeine can help migraines - well just headaches in general and I ummm, yeah…” He stopped awkwardly and abruptly, “Just in case you’re still dealing with a little pain.” He said and she nodded.

“OK, you can just leave it there. I’ll grab it once I’ve settled in.” She said and he nodded.

“Right of course.”

“Yeah, thanks.” She said awkwardly and he offered one last half-smile before he set the mug down and hurried out. 

“What the fuck?” She mumbled to herself as she put her things in her locker and then put her food container in the fridge. 

She looked down into the steaming mug with the gorgeously aromatic brew and wondered if he had poisoned it. But then she thought that even if he had and she passed on, at least she wouldn’t have to see him ever again. With that little grain of hope and acceptance she took a sip and then headed out to start setting up. Harry was cooperative when she got to his station and didn’t make any remarks to her about anything. She recalled G mentioning he was in a right state the first day she had not shown up, so maybe he was feeling like he needed to compensate for his guilt and se’d let him. 

She finished setting up and then went back for her coffee before she settled herself over at one of the drawing stations. She had been looking though what she had left the last time, it was the classic American style stuff. She struggled a lot with the animals from certain angles, her proportions would be a little bit off. Her last drawing had been of a heart-spotted leopard and the lines were not clean at all on that one, she knew her work on the pin-ups weren’t great, but she was seeing the same thing here. She wanted to try the pin-ups again and then show them to Harry - she was confident that she could do a much better job without her head feeling like it would explode at any given moment. So she got started and after about 15 minutes she saw a slight obstruction to the overhead light and knew Harry was likely looking down at her work.

“That’s much better than last time.” He said and she hummed in agreement, “Probably wasn’t coming out because you weren’t feeling well.” He said.

“Yeah, that’s what I was attempting to tell you and then you said that clients wouldn’t be interested in hearing any excuses when they got a shitty tattoo. Which is the truth so…” she trailed off and continued and he sighed.

“Can you take a break for a second?” He asked and she put her things down and spun around in the stool to face him, waiting for him to continue expectantly. “Y/N, I…” he paused and swallowed thickly, “I’m really sorry for how I’ve been treating you. You’re right, I’ve been an absolute asshole. Literally, the prince of all pricks and you have done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve that kind of treatment from me.” He said and she stayed with a cold and guarded exterior, she was waiting for the catch.

“I think I was just…jealous of you. Eddie talked to me about you from the day he found you at that tattoo con. When he got a copy of your portfolio he video called me to look over your work with him, he distinctly said that you would probably be as good as and even better than some of us within a few years. Then to hear him say that your first tattoos were top notch it made me feel…subpar. It made me wonder if maybe he was thinking about me when he told me that you’d be better than some of us. And then you started tattooing and people started asking for you to tattoo them for walk-ins instead of me and I…” he huffed, “I guess it confirmed what I was so scared of.” He said and she felt her heart ache a bit for him.

“Coming out here and being away from my family and everything I’ve ever known has been… really hard, to say the least. And I’m not saying that as an excuse, I’m just letting you know.” He explained and she just watched and listened attentively, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been a dick because I’m jealous and feeling a little insecure right now. I’m sorry for everything. For not being a great mentor and for tearing you down and for undermining your talent. I mean, I started when I was 17 and I didn’t start to get really well known until I was about 23… and you’re how old now?”

“24.”

“24, Jesus… And you’ve only been tattooing for like a month and you really are better than most artists I know when they started out!”

“That’s not even true.” She sighed with a small smile and a shake of her head.

“It is!” He confirmed, “I was…or I think I still am intimidated by you, Y/N.” He admitted. “And again it’s not an excuse to be a dick, but it’s the reason I was being a dick and it wasn’t cool. So again, I’m sorry and I won’t do anything like that again.” He apologized. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you told me a few weeks ago, in the parking lot?” He asked her and she nodded, “I know that you’ve been working hard at this for years and you’re right, you don’t deserve to be treated this way and I don’t want to be the reason that you leave. I know anyone would be lucky to take you on, but ummm, you should stay here with all of us. I truly believe that this is the best place for you.” He finished and inhaled deeply and he seemed visibly relaxed now that he had gotten that all off of his chest. 

To be quite honest, he had been mentally rehearsing talking points he wanted to make to her and he didn’t end up using any of them, he just let the words flow as he felt and she seemed to have taken them well from the expression on her face. Now he was waiting on her and that was just as scary as having to say he was sorry.

“OK.” She responded after a beat of silence, “Thank you for that.”

“Cool, so we can just pretend like none of this ever happened and start from zero. I’d like to take a shot at being friends or maybe we start with me being your mentor like you had originally hoped?” He asked with a small, but hopeful smile and she sighed.

“Ummm…look Harry, I do forgive you for everything that happened before. And I really do sympathize with what you’ve got going on that has contributed to all of this, but I have my reservations about things moving forward. The past is the past and I believe that things will be better from here on out but that doesn’t change my experience with you.” She explained as gently as she could and he frowned a bit, “You were really mean, Harry.” She said, “And I don’t mean to shit all over your effort, I really appreciate it but I don’t want to be friends with you. And apart from you looking over my practice pieces or whatever else Auree wants you to work on with me, I don’t think we need to interact.” She said and he felt completely disappointed in her response. There was a giant knot forming in his throat and he had no idea why it was hitting him so hard, “I swear, I have nothing against you and again, thank you for making things right, but I’m not interested in anything more than getting along at work.” She emphasized and waited for him to respond.

“But…” he started and then trailed off and she felt so bad as she saw the look in his eyes. But she didn’t trust him in the slightest. His eyes met her own again and he could see that her walls were still high and so instead of trying to defy her decision he just shut up and nodded, “OK, I understand and I respect your decision.” He said and that quite literally shocked her.

“Thank you.” She said quietly and he nibbled on his lip for a moment before just turning around and heading back to his station and putting on his headphones. 

Harry still felt like shit. He had been so awful to her that she wanted nothing to do with him! And while her reaction and rejection were justified, it genuinely hurt his feelings. Eddie was right in saying that she was like him, they were both talented and fast learners, but they were both also headstrong and guarded. As he sat there wallowing in the feeling of utter defeat and rejection at least he knew that she wasn’t mad at him.

***********

In the weeks that followed Y/N stayed true to what she had said, she was nice and professional towards him, definitely not as smiley as she was with those she had established a stronger friendship with, but she was nice. He did find that he still gravitated towards her when he was frustrated though. Before it was to take his frustrations out on her, but now that they were on good terms, he realized that he went towards her because unlike everyone else, she would just stay quiet and let him rant about things, even if they had nothing to do with her. And when he was done she would just ask him in the calmest tone if there was anything she could do to help, as if he hadn’t been fuming angry seconds before. She was solution and action driven in moments when he was just frozen with anger and frustration. He did tend to have a very tunneled vision when he was upset and he liked that she would help him work past that. When he didn’t have a stick up his ass about her he really saw all of her wonderful qualities and he found himself feeling jealous again, but not of her, but of those that were privy to the extra sweetness she brought to their lives.

He wondered if she would ever change her mind about him? If she would be willing to give him another chance so that she could see that he wasn’t forcibly playing nice with her, he was a really nice guy! Genuinely! But like everything and everyone, there are not so pleasant things about him too and he’s human and he makes mistakes, this one was a big one. In all his hurt he was carrying and his arrogance due to his wounded pride he really fucked up the possibility of a great relationship and that just weighed heavily on him. 

It made him sad because this was precisely why he left England. He had tarnished his relationship with his family and friends, he was ashamed of the hurt he caused and he was alone. He needed a fresh start, a new perspective, a chance to make new friends and once again, heh ad pushed mostly everyone away. He gave it a lot of thought over the past few weeks after she just set the boundary with him to only interacting when needed; she was still o kind to him, it made made him want to prove himself. All he knew was that he didn’t want to miss out on good people, he needed to stop pushing them away and open himself up to the possibility of finding happiness again. He had to fix this somehow. Someway he was going to fix it.

…. A FEW WEEKS LATER ….

The day had been rather slow; G’s appointment had an emergency and needed to reschedule, Vy was in between big pieces, and Harry well, he was still in the stages of building up his clientele, he’d had a few tattoos and plenty of consultations, five in the last few weeks, but it seemed that no one had really bitten yet to get a really big piece and well, Y/N and Rosa had just been hanging out at the front. Auree had been out and doing promo for the shop, she had friends in TV and radio and was really trying to bring more business in. So now, they were about two hours from closing and all twiddling their thumbs after doing some cleaning.

“Y/N,” Vy said, coming out to the front.

“Yeah?” She asked?

“I have a job for you if you want to come on back?”

“Ummm OK. Talk to you later.” She smiled to Rosa before following Vy back to her station, “OK, what can I help with?” She asked with a smile.

“I need you to touch up some of my tattoos.” She said with a smile and Y/N’s eyebrows shot up and upon hearing that both G and Harry glanced over to them.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, girl! C’mon. Even have the color ready for the flowers.” Vy said as she sat in her chair and Y/N headed over to put on some gloves. Harry and G wandered over and she started feeling a little bit more nervous. Vy’s tattoos were very intricate and symmetrical, if she screwed something up it would be very noticeable. As she sat down beside her with the machine in hand she started feeling a bit more nervous. 

“So what am I doing again?”

“Just touch up the red for me on my arm and then we can talk about the touch ups on my back.” Vy said and Y/N pressed the pedal on the machine, making it buzz to life. She could feel Harry’s gaze intent on her and she looked up at him and was more than appeased when she saw that he was smiling at her.

“It’s just coloring it in, you got this.” He said and everyone seemed a bit shocked to hear that come out of his mouth, but they didn’t say anything and she just nodded and went for it. It only took about 20 minutes to fill in all of her flowers. And then Vy asked her to touch up some little things on her back and was showing her on a mirror what she wanted cleaned up.

“I have to go to the bathroom don’t start without me!” G said and they all chuckled as he rushed away. Harry switched out her ink as Vy settled on the chair, Y/N was looking over the areas she had said she wanted the lines touched up.

“Before you start what do you need to make sure you do?” Harry asked her and she bit her lip, “Look at all of those intricate shapes and lines you need to replicate.” He hinted and then her eyebrows raised as she turned to Harry.

“I need to make sure the skin is taut enough to get the exact shape?” She asked and he smiled and nodded.

“Exactly, good job.” He smiled and Vy smiled as Harry encouraged Y/N, “Don’t forget that you can tell her how she should position herself so that it’s comfortable for you to tattoo her.” He reminded and she nodded. 

She eventually just asked Vy to lay on her her stomach because it was easier for her to work horizontally to start and so she did and when G came back she started the touching up. Both he and Harry were encouraging her along the way and Vy, being a heavily tattooed person, was taking it like a champ, which was less nerve-racking for her. When she finished up and showed Vy she was very pleased with her touch-ups. 

“I’m next in line.” G said as Y/N cleaned up and she giggled. A little bit after, they all got ready to close up for the day.

“Hey guys, so next Saturday my husband and I are throwing a little halloween party at our house. We do it every year. I’ll text you all the details and if you’re up to it feel free to come, I’d love to see you all there.” Vy announced and everyone nodded in excitement and thanked her for the invite and finished up for the day. G was waiting on Y/N to have some dinner, but he was chatting with Rosa up front while he waited.

“You did really well with Vy.” Harry said as he finished packing up his things. He seemed to be leaving extra early today, he usually walked out a few minutes before her or at the same time.

“Thank you. And thank you for talking me through some of the things, it was really helpful.” She said with a smile and he nodded.

“Good. Well, have a good one, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said and she nodded and waved goodbye as he headed out of the back. She finished sweeping and soon Rosa and G were coming back to the studio.

“Ready?” He asked and Y/N nodded, “Rosa’s gonna join us.”

“OK perfect! The more the merrier!” Y/N smiled and they soon grabbed all of their things and headed out for some sushi. 

**************

They hadn’t been sitting at the table for more than two minutes when G spoke up and offered up a topic of conversation with his commentary.

“So Harry’s been really nice to you.” He said and Y/N glanced up from the menu. 

By now, it was no secret that things had been rough with them at the start. It’s not that they had aired their dirty laundry to everyone, but there was definitely less tension and a noticeably better vibe than before.

“Yeah, we talked it out a few weeks ago.” She said before glancing down at her end again.

“And you didn’t say anything?” He asked in shock and she sighed.

“He just…got a little bit personal and I didn’t think he would appreciate me going off to talk about it with anyone. But it’s settled.” She assured him and Rosa who smiled.

“Well that’s really good! He seems to be in a better mood too, so I’m sure being on good terms with you has helped with that.” Rosa added.

“I think so too.” Y/N smiled.

“You should’ve heard him when she was tattooing Vy! Just coaching her through some things. It was sweet.” G said and Y/N rolled her eyes as Rosa cooed.

“I would certainly hope he coaches me through stuff, he’s the one in charge of my training.” She reminded and G huffed as Y/N took a sip of her water.

“Vy told me that he said you were hot.” Rosa said with a grin and Y/N choked on her water. Her eyes teared up and she coughed until the discomfort had cleared only to see G and Rosa laughing at her.

“You guys are dicks.” She said and took a slow sip before clearing her throat.

“What if he has a little crush on you?” Rosa added with an endeared pout.

“Oh, he certainly doesn’t.” Y/N assured the two.

“He is hot though!” Rosa said, “I mean, anyone with a functioning brain can see that he’s attractive.” She said looking to G and then shifting her attention back to Y/N.

“I mean, he’s not really my type, but yeah, he’s hot.” G accepted and then they both looked to her expectantly.

“What?” She asked and Rosa rolled her eyes, “He’s not my type either, but I guess he’s cute.” She shrugged before looking back down to her menu and then Rosa started talking about the amount of walk-ins that would try to leave him their number or get his email. Y/N had experienced that once so she was able to corroborate that story.

Y/N had been lying through her teeth because in reality Harry was exactly her type. Tall, slender, heavily tattooed, curly haired, talented, pretty and dimply-smiled, mysterious… that’s also why it was so disappointing to her that he had been such a dick to her from the get go. She had thought all of him was alluring at the start, not just his art. But his awful personality had really put her off of him. Y/N was one of those people that had a hard time looking past hurtful things. 

When you’ve been mistreated and hurt so many times it’s kind of hard to trust and give people second chances after they’ve wronged you. She wasn’t one to hold a grudge and stay upset forever, but were they not working in the same place she would have probably told him to go play on the highway and leave her alone, she didn’t need that energy in her life. But the fact that they would be around each other professionally for who knows how long pushed her to give him a second chance, it was certainly on her terms, but he at least was appreciative of that and wasn’t taking it for granted. She recalls him saying something about respecting her decision and it made her smile when she thought about him keeping his word. He had been incredibly respectful of her boundary and had not even gone near the fence to test if he could get away with more. She certainly had her reservations about him but he had been a fucking dream lately. If only he had been that way from the start…

When she tuned back into the conversation G and Rose were debating about what sushi rolls to get before asking her what she was thinking of getting, to which she replied “anything with spicy tuna” and they chuckled. Minutes they later they placed their orders and now that they were just waiting for the food to come Rosa spoke up and asked them the question that had actually been on her mind as well.

“So are you guys gonna go to Vy’s party?”

“I can’t, it’s my grandparent’s 60th wedding anniversary that same day and we’re having this huge party for it.” G said, “Otherwise I would definitely go.” He explained with a small frown.

“Are you going?” Y/N asked Rosa.

“I think so? I want to go, but as long as I know someone there. Are you?” She asked Y/N.

“I’d like to.” She shrugged, “We’ll see though.” She responded.

“I’m gonna ask her if I can bring a friend in case you don’t go. I don’t have any plans this year, so might as well! We can do some team bonding.” She said with a grin and they all nodded along. 

Usually, Y/N went to visit her parents since all of her nieces and nephews from her brother and cousins went to their neighborhood for trick or treating. It was cool to catch up with everyone then, but her parents weren’t too happy with her at the moment. It all started when they found out she was just doing some freelance design consulting and living off of her Etsy shop so that she could be a tattoo apprentice. Tensions were high and if she really gave it some thought it was upsetting for her because she’d always been one of those model children, but after moving in with her aunt to come to school in LA they felt that she had steered her down the wrong path. 

She tuned back in when the waitress swung by and announced she would soon bring out all of their plates and then Y/N informed them that she would go to the bathroom before they got started. So she excused herself and hurried into the restaurant from the lovely outdoor seating area they were in.

**************

For the first time in a long time Harry was goin on a date. Admittedly, he had been a little depressed and lonely since moving out to Los Angeles. Sure, he was cool with mostly everyone at the shop, but he wasn’t necessarily friends with them like G was with Y/N and Rosa where they could just hang out after work. He was a little on the shy side and after his whole issue with Y/N he felt that it was a little bit harder to befriend his coworkers. So he went for the next best option - he got on a dating app. He had put down that he was looking to make friends, but if he were to get a hook up out of it, that wouldn’t be too bad. 

The plan for tonight was nothing too formal, the girl he was meeting up with said she really liked this sushi place and he was a little early so he messaged her that he had grabbed a table for them. Around the ten minute mark after their set meeting time she messaged him that she was going to be a little late, which he said was fine. But now he had been waiting nearly thirty minutes and was starting to feel like an idiot. He checked his phone to see any messages from her and there was nothing so he tried sending her a message to see where she was and after a bit he got no response and he started to come to the conclusion that he had been stood up. Once again, it seemed that rejection was his new best friend. He was trying not to let it get him down, but it was really hard not to.

“Harry?” Hearing his name distracted him from his phone and glanced up to see Y/N. Of all people in this city she was stopped beside him? He was definitely paying back his karmic dues.

“Oh, hi.” He said, forcing a smile because the last thing he wanted was to get caught in this situation.

“Are you eating alone?” She asked him and glanced at the table that seemed to be set for two. There were two placemats and water cups and an unused straw across from him. His water was half drunk and the other one untouched and it seemed to have been that way for a while because the paper placemat it was set on was pretty worn down from the condensation of the glass dripping down onto it.

“No, I’m waiting for someone.” He said as he glanced down at his phone in his lap and she saw his foot tapping nervously, “She seems to be running late.” He explained with a smile, but the look in his eyes exuded sadness and disappointment.

“Oh.” She responded and she very quickly put two and two together and she felt bad for him. It seemed that they universe was at war with him and it was hard for her to see it.

“Yeah. Have you eaten here before?” He asked her and she nodded.

“Yes, it’s really good.” She smiled.

“Any recommendations?” He asked her.

“Ummm, what kind of fish do you like?” She asked and he shared what he preferred and she pointed out a few of the rolls to him on the menu and just as she was pulling back his stomach grumbled loudly and she laughed softly as did he.

“Sorry, I had a really light lunch because I tend to overeat at sushi, but I’m pretty hungry now.” He excused.

“It’s cool. Well I’m gonna go to the bathroom, but ummm, I hope it goes well.” She said and he nodded and she hurried away. 

In the time that Y/N had gone to wash her hands Harry had checked his app to see if this girl had responded to anything and then saw that she wasn’t even on his matched list anymore. She had unmatched and stood him up. He really felt the urge to cry, he was just feeling fragile and he wanted to avoid her coming by and having to witness him scurrying off in defeat. He was just quickly sliding out of the booth when he backed into someone and much to his dismay he turned around to see her there again.

“Fuck, so sorry.” He apologized sheepishly.

“It’s alright.” She assured him with a small smile.

“Change of plans.” He explained without any prompting from her, “A shame, I was really looking forward to trying that roll you showed me.” He tried to play off his embarrassment.

“Well, i-if you’re up for it you can join us? G and Rosa are here as well.” Y/N said, extending an invitation to him and he smiled and shook his head before looking to the ground with some bashfulness. She was so nice he couldn’t even look at her.

“Oh no, I don’t want to intrude on your plans.” He declined, looking back to her and she shook her head.

“You’re not! We literally agreed on this over lunch at the shop, it’s nothing spectacular.” She assured him and his eyes met hers and she could almost see a silent gratitude in them as they flickered back and forth between her eyes.

“Y-you’re sure?” He asked and she nodded with a smile.

“Of course.” She assured and he bit his lip.

“G doesn’t like me very much. What if I-”

“G’s fine.” She interrupted and he nodded, “C’mon, we’re in the patio area.” She said and he followed her out. He got a bit nervous when he saw G and Rosa laughing at the table, he was nervous of what Y/N would say to explain him crashing their dinner, “Look who I found as he was about to order some take out!” Y/N announced and both Rosa and G turned to them and smiled upon seeing Harry trailing behind her.

“Harry! Come have a seat!” Rosa said patting at the empty spot next to hers and Y/N then sat across from Harry, next to G.

“Our food should be out soon, but you can grab whatever you want, we’re all sharing.” G informed him.

“Oh, thank you.”

“I actually ordered that roll I told you about in there. You can try it and see if you like it.” Y/N offered.

“Oh sure, thanks.” He responded quietly and then she felt G tap her foot with his and she scoffed quietly. 

Harry was glad that nobody made things weird when he joined. He was just used to expecting the worst at this point, but he needed to use this as an example of things not always being as glum as he anticipated them to be. He was in a new place, with new people, maybe his old friends had given up on him, but the people around him weren’t them. If anything, these people were like his family, who no matter how hard he pushed them away or hurt them, they seemed to treat him with kindness and hold him in some sort of good regard. So instead of dwelling on his insecurities he tuned out of that part of his brain and focused on the conversation at the table. Rosa had started talking about her pet cat and how she wanted G to do a portrait of her on her shoulder. Once she showed G a photo of her hairless cat he declined doing it because it looked “too much like a ballsack” to which they all burst into laughter as Rosa pouted and threw a piece of ginger at G.

“You’re a dick!” She insulted through her chuckles, “Harry, would you be a peach and do a portrait of my cat on me?” She asked as she turned to him and he chuckled and shrugged.

“I mean, yeah, if you really wanted it, then yes.” He chuckled and she then stuck her tongue out playfully at G who just rolled his eyes.

“What’s the worst tattoo you have ever had to give someone?” G then asked Harry.

“Well, it’ll soon be Rosa’s cat…” everyone burst out laughing at his joke and Rosa playfully smacked him in the arm, “I’m kidding!” He assured her with a grin. He was over the moon with himself because the joke had landed well. He glanced over to Y/N who was still giggling too much that she still couldn’t chew her mouthful. She was so fucking cute.

“Yeah, yeah, asshole.” Rosa giggled, playfully elbowing him.

“But one time this guy wanted some pornstar’s body with a one of those horse head masks over her face… I tried to talk him out of it, but he was really set on getting it done. Two years later he came in for a coverup because his pregnant wife threatened divorce if she had to see it one more time.” He said with a chuckle and they all laughed, “What about you?” Harry asked and G sighed.

“A sexy Mrs. Potatohead.” He said and cringed, “She had like cleavage and all…and the guy’s wife was there the whole time. She really thought it was sweet of him to dedicate that to her…love makes you do stupid things, I guess.” G shrugged and they all agreed to that statement there. 

Rosa then asked Harry if he was going to Vy’s party and he said he would try to make it and Rosa expressed her excitement. And so they carried on making some conversation until it was time to go and they were waving to each other before getting into their cars and heading home. 

As Y/N settled into her bed that night her mind went back to Harry. She wondered if he was OK after getting cancelled on or stood up, whatever it was. He had been pleasant tonight, funny, charming, entertaining…it was a side of him that she hadn’t seen before and it came so easily from him. She wanted to see more of that part of him. If he had been like that from the start she would’ve been head over heels for him by now, she was certain. Nevertheless, she was glad that she had been able to do something nice for him and maybe even made him a bit happy. With that thought in mind she was smiling as she drifted off to sleep.

-------- Taglist ----------

@sunshinemoonsposts @anotherdudetteinthisworld @matildasatellite @sad-avocado @sunflovverharry @cherrysulewski @daphnesutton @gurugirl @angelqueen99

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

So I obsess a lot about how small and vulnerable Jamie looks when he goes to ask Ted to let him come back to Richmond in the second episode of season two, but today I rewatched the second episode of season one and now I'm having Feelings about how similar Jamie's whole vibe is in the “positive reinforcement” scene. They’ve just played their first match under Ted and lost, and Ted’s called Jamie into his office to try out Keeley’s suggestion on how to get through to Jamie.

There's this gifset showing how Jamie tends to look down when he's feeling vulnerable, and that's exactly Jamie's response when Ted compliments him in this scene as well. But also, now that I know what to look for, I realized that that vulnerability never goes away at any point during this scene. Everything about his body language the entire time is SO much like the scene in Lavender.

Watching this scene again also made me wonder if Jamie doesn't actually get praised that often - at least not in meaningful, one-on-one settings by people who are actually in his life. Obviously Jamie's rich and famous and he gets a lot of praise from fans, but there's a different quality to a bunch of strangers singing your praises vs somebody looking you in the eye and telling you, genuinely, that you are "the best athlete I have ever coached."

I mean, our boy is just completely caught off-guard this entire scene - you can see the wheels turning in his head, can see him trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. At the end of the scene he even leaves the room sort of looking around in bewilderment, like he can't figure out what just happened to him.

(Kinda makes you wonder how conversations with his coaches after a lost match usually tend to go.)

It’s also kind of just hit me how much Jamie's specific verbal response (not just his body language) stands out here. "Wow. Um. Yeah, I work hard, yeah." He doesn't say "well, obviously" or "yeah, I'm the shit ain't I?" or "ha, tell me somethin' I don't know" or anything else you'd expect him to respond with based on the personality he's projecting at this time in the series. He’s honest. He’s a little awkward. He can’t seem to make eye contact with Ted for more than half a second. Again, let me remind you, this is episode TWO. This is height-of-prickishness-Jamie.

It's also interesting that, despite the arrogance he’s been showing, Jamie is also very ready to be criticized - and there's no indication he's even mad about it. When he first walks into the room, Jamie looks like he thinks he's in trouble and is clearly surprised when Ted says something kind instead. And when Ted says that Jamie's truly great at everything he does "except for one thing," Jamie immediately suggests that Ted's talking about his left foot cross. Jamie is fully prepared for Ted to point out the smallest flaws in his technique, maybe because that's what he's used to. Now, it's certainly not a bad thing for Jamie's past coaches to have been nitpicky with him - I'm sure it's part of why Jamie's so skilled, along with Jamie's own level of commitment - but knowing about his dad, and judging by the way he responds to Ted's compliments in this scene, I think he's been criticized by authority figures a lot more than he's been praised.

It's also just. fascinating how INSTANT the change in Jamie's whole demeanor is. I mean, damn, "responds well to positive reinforcement" indeed. Up until this point, Jamie's been dickish and performative and over the top - but the second Ted gives him a genuine compliment? Jamie starts speaking more quietly, he looks down, he gets this fucking softness in his eyes that stays there throughout the entire scene. Seriously, look at his face after Ted ends their conversation by adding "that was a heck of a goal out there, by the way."

Just. like. the tiniest bit of genuine praise (given to him one-on-one, without any other people around apart from Beard) and his entire demeanor is completely transformed.

TL;DR: This is our first glimpse of vulnerability from Jamie, and (much like with the first genuine smile) I've realized that it came a whole lot earlier in the series than I'd previously thought because it turns out I just hadn't known what to look for, and I'm having a lot of feelings about it.

[jaimejames90]

Eurovision: Really Good or Really Bad

This May for the first time I got the opportunity to work on the Eurovision Song Contest in Turin, Italy. Produced by Italian Broadcaster Rai in association with the EBU (European Broadcasting Union).

Coming from the UK, everyone knows Eurovision, I have to confess though I have never been a avid fan, but like most people I have either watched it or parts of it on numerous occasions. I’ve always been slightly perplexed by the genuine excitement from some each year when it’s on. As well as hearing the standard criticism from the older demographic about it "all being political these days".

The UK has clearly performed poorly in the last two decades. The last time the UK won was 1997 when I was six years old and a runner’s up position the following year in 1998. Since then the best results have been a third place in 2002 and fifth in 2009 (the first time I ever actually watched it from start to finish). If Eurovision likes Britain has been a open debate in recent decades, which has only intensified post Brexit with a string of terrible results, finishing on the lower part of the table, often last and even some dreaded “Nul Points” including 2021.

As a Brit when I was contacted by Rai to work on it, I was a little hesitant, is it something I want to be involved in, it's silly right. Well I was so wrong and it is one of the most enjoyable things I have ever done, the fans absolutely love it and helping to shape (just the tiniest amount), what is in my opinion one of the best produced and marketed Eurovision’s ever (I may be a little biased) was a joy. The staging with the full waterfall stage, looked epic on TV and made the whole thing feel like a rock concert, the aim clearly as last year’s Italian winner Maneskin is a seriously credible rock band, even touring America with The Rolling Stones and not the joke winner we tend to associate Eurovision with. 

So what is so good about it? One thing often over looked in the UK, is the sheer size of the event and the level of interaction it generates with its seemingly large fan base. Turin did a incredible job with Eurovision parties and events all week long. Many countries in Europe unlike the UK also see this as a serious music competition not a joke and select artist’s and song’s to reflect that. It shouldn’t be a surprise that when we enter a good artist, which Sam Ryder is, as is his song “Space Man” we actually almost won and in a normal year we would have. 

The big event feel and must see TV vibe they created especially this year really took the whole thing to another level. The ratings for 2022, 161 million viewers, down on the lower 180′s of recent years, but represents a 7% year on year rise when you take into account the absence of Russia and no available numbers from Ukraine, which combined accounted for 29 million viewers in 2021. Italy recorded it’s highest ever figure of 6.6 million, Spain 6.8 million and the UK 8.9 million a 20% increase year on year, over 50% of the live viewing audience in Britain were watching and the highest individual ratings in Europe. 

The other thing Eurovision does so well is engage with it’s online audience, the area I work in. This year for the first time Eurovision was available to watch on TikTok with the Semi-Finals being streamed approximately 4 million times each and 3.3 million times for the Grand Final. Also generating 189 million video views in the fourteen days leading up to the grand final. On YouTube, 42.3 million unique views and 7.6 million viewers for the grand final, a 50% increase, with 63% under 35. In total across all social channels videos were watched 284 million times during Eurovision week. A phenomenal number and truly shows the approach Eurovision have taken this year across social and digital is delivering massive returns. 

The Politics, is it political? Yes and No. Without question Ukraine won this year not for the song they entered but for external political reasons, however the “it’s political” stance is wrong, if it was left up to the jury votes alone Ukraine did not come close to winning, it was in fact the general public voting across Europe who backed Ukraine and sent them home with the trophy. A gesture of solidarity and politics I can live with even if I am disappointed for the UK. 

Above all the most enjoyable thing about the whole experience was the people and just how much every person in attendance from all over Europe (& Australia) was enjoying it and how everyone from audience members, to artists and production crew was having such a good time.

Eurovision may be seen as cheesy and in parts it is, however personally it was so much fun to work on and the biggest lesson of all from 2022 is that the UK can do well if we don't treat it like a joke and we just try.

[aggressive-almond-cookie]

So I've been grinding the Not Basics just to summon flyfish (and other bosses) over and over and over again for practice and seriously bless this game for giving me the ability to do this because I can already kind of feel myself starting to zone out and let my muscle memory land shots mindlessly at times which is exactly what I need to be able to do so I can focus on other things.

Though, I keep thinking about how it would be really nice if 1) I was allowed to use other weapons from the current salmon run rotation and 2) if I received any kind of reward/compensation for this grind whatsoever. Even the tiniest reward. Give me like one single point per golden egg or something. Or even just have it slowly fill your Cohozuna meter so after doing it enough he'll show up on your next actual run. Or don’t even reward me but at least keep a count of how many practice bosses I’ve done and the shortest time it’s taken me to defeat each one so I have a score to try to beat. Nothing that would ever make this worth doing just for the rewards but just something so it feels a little less like I am only repetitively grinding this to punish myself for not being good enough. Maybe something like that would incentivize people to practice more too, I dunno.

Anyway, regardless, I am still glad to have this option anyway. I feel like it's especially good for learning the sound cues of the different bosses-- the slight change in the engine-sound the flyfish makes when it's lowering down to prepare to fire and the ocean-waves sound of maws approaching and the cooing(?) sound of the drizzler taking aim. My initial impression was that salmon run is just a cacophony of overwhelming noises at all times but I feel like I'm starting to be able to makes sense of them and the important things that they indicate, and coming to understand how this is even more critical than I ever imagined, just for the situational awareness aspect of everything.

[amphibious-entity]

TMBS Book 1 Brain Dump

~An Embarrassingly Long Post~

I don’t know why I’m writing this or why I’m so determined to do it. Maybe to finally assume my true form and become a mega dork on main, or maybe just for fun!

This is basically a compilation of all the main points running through my head after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society (2007) for the first time. Rather than posting a ton and spamming the tag, everything’s here in one neat package! (hopefully this gets it all out of my system rip)

Contents:

The Book Itself

The Book Itself, for real this time

The Characters

A Funny Parallel

The S.Q. Section

Lines & Scenes I Liked

Spoilers abound!

The Book Itself

Upon acquiring the first three books (don’t judge me pls), I was surprised at just how long they are. Like, they’re still pretty light being paperbacks and all, but these books are hefty lads.

The first book has this Disney+ Original Series circle thing printed on it, which is kind of unfortunate. Regardless, I love the cover illustration and yellow is actually my favorite color :D It made me weirdly quite happy whenever I saw the book lying around in my room

Also, it’s really cute how there’s a letter from Mr. Benedict at the end! (It only reveals that you can find out his first name if you “know the code”, meaning the bit of Morse printed below the summary on the back.) Shock and horror, though, as I realized I’m starting to recognize some of the letters

The Book Itself, for real this time

It’s wonderful how the tone of the book really shone through to the show adaptation. Something about the deliberateness of the aesthetic, from the set designs to the fashion to scene compositions, that really sells that particular style— like it’s very clear that this story is being told to us, rather than one we’re seeing unfold, if that makes sense.

Where that narration style stood out to me the most was the first chapter. We are told (rather than shown) how Reynie gets himself to the point of the second test, and there’s this whole twisty time maneuver for that whole sequence of events that’s really interesting

A super secret fun fact about me is that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger! So this particular balance of show vs. tell is really neat, since it runs counter to my own tendencies. The sheer amount of commas in every sentence is also kind of comforting, since Ahah, I Do That in those few serious-ish attempts at writing lol

Overall this book’s style reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl’s books, which are very nostalgic for me :D The whole “kids are more competent than adults” angle helps a lot too haha

The Characters

Oh boy here’s where I get a little bit critical! Overall I did really like this book!! it’s just that that expresses itself in all this weird “”analysis”” lol

Reynie - much better in the books than in the show

It’s sort of a lukewarm take but I feel like show!Reynie is kind of boring? He doesn’t have a lot going on flaw-wise, and obviously since he’s the protagonist he can’t have too many weird traits or else the kids watching can’t project themselves onto him as easily

(I call it the difference between an aspirational protagonist and a vessel protagonist. Going off of the Roald Dahl vibes, think Matilda vs Charlie. show!Reynie is more of a Charlie)

Thus when we get to see him really struggle with the Whisperer and doubt himself it gives him a lot more dimension, at least in my opinion

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

Sticky - my son

I’ve long held to no one besides myself and my long suffering sister that Sticky is The Best Member of the Society

He happened to hit a lot of the Bingo squares of Stuff I Like In Characters: glasses, anxious, nice :), kind of a coward but ultimately is there for his friends, etc

For some reason I don’t talk about him nearly as much as you-know-who, but I love him just as dearly

Kate & Constance - I don’t have much to say

Kate is really interesting in this book! I like how we get to see more of her depths, in particular that one passage about her belief that she is invincible being the only thing that keeps her from falling apart? :c

Also her constant fidgeting is relatable lol

Constance is somehow a lot more tolerable in the book. I think I’m just one of those people with no patience for small children, unfortunately lol

(Some of) The Adults

It’s interesting that they had such an offscreen presence for most of the book. Giving them more time was probably one of the stronger changes of the show

However if that decision was made at the expense of the white knight scenes I think the choice should have been clear

I like the way Rhonda and Number Two are written

Milligan always on sad boy hours 😔✊

The “mill again” passage is touching but kind of messes up the pacing of the getaway, at least for me. Maybe I should read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something

Miss Perumal is much better in the show. We see so little of her in the book she doesn’t function well as an emotional anchor for Reynie, imo

The Institute Gang

Jackson and Jillson serve their purpose well, and Martina was surprising to say the least. I like the direction they took her in the show! I can’t imagine how funny it must have been to watch the tetherball subplot come out of nowhere lolol

These sections were written out of sequence, so random tidbit I couldn’t fit in The S.Q. Section: I like how he stumbles over his words. relatable

Mr. Curtain

While I think I know why they decided to not give Curtain the wheelchair in the show, we were totally robbed of Actor Tony Hale’s performance for the reveal during the final confrontation

Speaking of the wheelchair, it’s such a powerful symbol of his need for control or rather, his fear of losing it

The Contrast between him and Mr. Benedict. This point is expanded on in A Funny Parallel

Mr. Benedict

Oh boy, Mr. Benedict… How do I say this

I find it hard to trust Mr. Benedict, unfortunately

I mean to say, I do in the sense that I know he would never hurt the kids, thanks to knowing that a) this is a children’s book series and b) the meta (tumblr) states that he is really nice and lovable and stuff, but seriously. Why do the kids trust him at first?? I probably missed something somewhere

I like to think I’m an optimistic person, but unfortunately I’m also super paranoid. The premise of “a bunch of vulnerable orphans team up with a strange old man” is just so odd to me I don’t know how to explain it

I don’t know!!! I really want to trust Mr. Benedict

One of the strengths of the show is that we get to see him more often, and thus he gets to acknowledge more often that the plan is weird and that he feels really badly for putting the kids in danger and that he’s trustworthy and genuine

But his lack of presence for most of the book just makes him into something of a specter, invisible and unknowable, speaking only in riddles from across the bay

Which is why the white knight scene is so important!! I loved that scene ;-;

Because here’s an actual emotional connection! We can actually see it happening, rather than only being told that it exists

Reynie asking for advice and receiving encouragement, in words that demonstrate that Mr. Benedict actually cares about him and worries about him and agghh

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

But overall this whole issue didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all! It’s just ->

A Funny Parallel

Okay, ready for my biggest brain, hottest take ever??

Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain…. are… the same

I mean obviously not entirely, given that one is benevolent and kind and the other is… Mr. Curtain

But seriously. Genius old man seeks out children (mainly orphans) to enact a plan. Said children often end up incredibly devoted to his cause and deeply admire him this is a little flimsy

Undoubtedly that’s intentional and is supposed to show the difference between them, like some kind of cautionary tale? “Let yourself be vulnerable and let others help you, lest you turn eeeeviiillll”

I guess that’s where the aforementioned epic contrast comes in. You get Mr. Curtain, strapped into his wheelchair and hiding behind those mirrored sunglasses, terrified (but unwilling to admit it) of ever showing the tiniest hint of vulnerability, vs. Mr. Benedict, who can let himself fall knowing that someone will catch him :’)

Anyhow I have nothing against the parallels, I just think it’s funny

The S.Q. Section

The S.Q. Quarantine Thread so it doesn’t leak out everywhere else <3

I’d like to meet the emo angstlord genius who read this book and decided to make SQ into Dr. Curtain’s son. What in the world

Okay I should probably preface this by saying that I absolutely adore both book!S.Q. and show!SQ with all my heart. Somehow, despite being a completely different character in both mediums, he has managed to be one of the best characters in either and certainly one of my favorites (besides Sticky of course) in the entire franchise, despite the fact that I’ve only read the first book/watched the show so far. I am confident in this statement.

But seriously! How?? Why?? I could probably write a whole other essay about why show!SQ is such an interesting character, and the change works so incredibly well. I’m just. Baffled

Okay, focus. book!S.Q. is such a sweetheart, oh my goodness. Like, 100% one of the most endearing characters in the book. Poor guy. I don’t even know where to start!!

He just seems to be a genuinely good guy at heart, despite being technically one of the bad guys. He’s genuinely happy for Reynie and Sticky when they became Messengers and helped Kate when she “fell” and was concerned about Constance when she looked sick and how he was in that meeting with Mr. Curtain and Martina?!!? aaahhhhghgh ;-; he just wants people to be happy TT-TT

Comparing him against literally every character at the Institute is probably what makes him so endearing tbh. When everyone else is so awful to the kids, it really makes him stand out. Like a cheerful little nightlight in the worst, most humid and rank bathroom you’ve ever been in

It’s kind of pointless to theorize about a book series that’s already concluded (I think?) but. Is the implication of S.Q.’s forgetfulness supposed to be that Mr. Curtain used him in brainsweeping experiments somehow? The timeline probably definitely absolutely doesn’t line up but like. How did he get to being a Messenger being the way he is now, given how cutthroat the process is? And then of course Mr. Curtain keeps him around as an Executive because he’s fun to mess with and presumably his loyalty. I’m very curious as to how their relationship develops in the other books, if at all. Those are probably where the seeds of the “let’s make them family” logic were planted

But wouldn’t it be hilarious if the reason we don’t know what “S.Q.” stands for in the books is that he just. Forgot

Another thing that occurred to me. Given that he and the other Executives were Messengers at some point, what were their worst fears? What is S.Q.’s worst fear?? Inquiring minds need to know

One last horrible little anecdote: I was thinking about book!S.Q. while eating breakfast, as one does, and suddenly it hit me.

I want to believe The Author Trenton Lee Stewart had the name for a character, S.Q. Pedalian, and was like, “Hm! What sort of quirky trait should this young fellow have?” Because, of course, in this style of fiction every character has to have at least one cartoonish or otherwise distinguishing trait to stand out in the minds of children. (For instance, Kate has her bucket, Sticky has his glasses, Constance is angry, and Reynie is Emmett from the Lego Movie)

Anyhow, he looks around the room, searching for inspiration. Suddenly he comes across a jumbo box of plastic wrap. Completely innocuous in design, save for one line of text. 300 SQ FT.

“…large… S.Q. …feet? THAT’S IT!” i’m sorry

Lines & Scenes I Liked

In no particular order!

Sticky quotes Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Evil combination aerobics/square dancing in the gym with the Executives

Everyone being happy at the end :’)

Everyone partying after Sticky reunites with his parents, and later finding Mr. Benedict asleep at his desk from the moment they shook hands :’’)

Literally any scene with Sticky in it

Any time Kate says “you boys” or “gosh”

[“Um, sir?” S.Q. said timidly, raising his hand. “A thought just occurred to me.” / Mr. Curtain raised his eyebrows. “That’s remarkable, S.Q. What is it?”] clown prince of my heart </3

S.Q.’s determined monologue about searching for clues after he bungled up the first time

Literally any scene with S.Q. in it (please refer to The S.Q. Section)

Reynie trying to resist the Whisperer.

[Let us begin. / First let me polish my spectacles, Reynie thought. / Let us begin. / Not without my bucket, Reynie insisted. He heard Mr. Curtain muttering behind him. / Let us begin, let us begin, let us begin. / Rules and schools are tools for fools, Reynie thought.]

NO MORE HURTIN’ WITH CURTAIN

Milligan showing up on the island!!

Remember the white knight hhhhhh

“controle”

A Super Secret Bonus Section

I would be extremely surprised if anyone read through all the way down here lol. Regardless, here’s a little acknowledgements section :D not tagging anyone since I don’t want to bother all of these people

Special shoutout to tumblr blog stonetowns for unknowingly yet singlehandedly demolishing my reluctance to read the books by posting a ton of cute quotes. Thank you for your service o7

Thanks to the two OGs that liked the post I made right before this one, for being my unwitting enablers and for sticking around despite being a) technically an internet stranger (hello!) and b) someone I haven’t spoken to irl in literal years (hey!!)

Last but not least thankz 2 my sister for putting up with me ranting about the book when I first got it and for asking about “CQ” sometimes lol. (i desperately hope you’re not reading this orz)

[dukeofonions]

Sensing a pattern thanks to the critical fans' asks... I'm a professional producer who's attempted on numerous occasions (unsuccessfully) to secure Thomas for a part in a Broadway-bound musical. TL;DR: How he and his team -- not just friends, but "pros" -- "run their railroad" confuses the hell out of us, and is probably the biggest obstacle to his getting anywhere besides YouTube. Frankly, we now wonder if this is by design and not just typical lack of experience winning the race, as it were...

(Sorry it took so long to respond work has been killing me the past few days.)

Longer Version (1/?): We've been working on this musical for just over a decade, and after we discovered Thomas's long-form content and the singles he's released, we thought he was a good fit for it. Without going into detail, the show's always been kind of a long shot, for many reasons, but we (still) think it'd be a great showcase for his brand of talent. So we decided to approach him and to gauge his interest, since he'd discussed Broadway dreams before. And there, our troubles began...

(2/?) So, five years ago, we approached Thomas through his then-management, Reboot the People, a company that managed a *lot* of content creators back then. (Their remains still exist on Twitter @RTPfamily.) They may have been a little out of their depth when they heard our pitch, and wisely looped in his agent at the time, Ty Flynn at UTA, from whom we heard... nothing. Okay, maybe it wasn't his thing; we had other projects to pursue and we moved on but... we still kept an eye on his content.

(4/?) When we returned to the project a couple years later, Thomas was still a favorite for the part for which we had him in mind, and building a much bigger audience than before, so we decided to reach out again. The business fawsterdog email address, as I'm sure fans have discovered by now, is useless. No one there ever got back to us. More than that, when we tried to learn who was managing him now (at times pleading on Twitter and during streams for info), we kept hitting dead ends.

(5/?) We finally managed to obtain a lead when we watched the "NO ADDED SUGAR for a MONTH!" video, and someone described as Thomas's manager actually appeared on camera, Matt Hogen, the president of Direct Artist Management. Further Googling revealed Matt had apparently been his manager as far back as 2013, way earlier than we'd been directed to Reboot The People for business inquiries. To say this runaround was confusing as hell, *even for show business*, is the understatement to end them all!!!

(6/6) At that point, after all that confusion, we just gave up!! If we have to chase someone's representation to the ends of the earth, only to find out there was one person we should have been talking to the whole time, it's probably more convoluted behind the scenes, and we don't need that extra stress in our lives. Watching the recent storms unfold, and wondering how true to life the "Putting Others First" video is, we can only assume he likes the *idea* of career more than really having one...

(I lied, 7/7) Bottom line: he presents a picture of unreliability and a lack of professionalism both to his fans and to industry people, and -- assuming there's *any* autobiographical truth to Sanders Sides content -- it may be because he's deliberately not taking this seriously. If losing out on big opportunities is the price he pays for keeping his mental health and well being in check, that's fine. But it's not how you succeed in this business... in any business, really. I wish him the best...

Wow, that is a lot.

Well for starters (and I hope you don't take this the wrong way) I am the tiniest bit skeptical about this story being true. I mean I can definitely see it happening giving Thomas and the team's track record, but there are just a few things that make me hesitate.

For one thing I'm surprised that a professional producer found their way onto my blog (which I try to keep out of the open) and took the time to read through some asks then send an ask of their own. Not that it's impossible of course, because here you are. But you know anyone can claim to be anyone so I hope you don't mind my skepticism here.

And admittedly I'm not entirely sure how the producing world works along with agents, especially when it comes to getting someone cast for your show. I can't see Thomas turning an opportunity down like that unless he just wasn't interested or never knew about it.

Which, honestly, if you did try getting into contact with his agent and he was told about it and wasn't interested then ya know, the least they could do was tell you so you could start looking for someone else.

I did also find the Twitter account for Reboot The People and yeah, it's long since abandoned and I'm wondering how you even got directed there in the first place when he had a manager already (if I'm understanding the time line right)

I do kinda question the whole asking for answers in streams bit (since Thomas rarely if ever does public live streams and I don't think he did much back then the only streams he does consistently now are for patreons) and he never leaves them up anyway so it's not like I could go back and look through the chats (not that I would because I ain't got time for that) but again, it's not impossible for that to have happened. Just a tiny detail my brain got hooked on.

Even if I'm still somewhat doubtful about your story (again please don't take it the wrong way I just like to be sure before I 100% believe something) I do agree about Thomas and the team's lack of professionalism, just look at the Story Time Madlibs situation, and they continue to make decisions (especially within the patreon) that just continue to baffle me.

I mean at the end of the day no one knows what's going on behind the scenes. And as it stands Thomas has found enough success with YouTube where he's stable enough to make it his full time job and can go months or even a year without posting a video.

But he even brings this point up in one of his Sanders Sides videos that YouTube isn't a stable job, and you never know when everything can suddenly flip and before ya know it the job ain't as stable anymore, and at that point you've gotta have some kinda back up plan for if things go south.

Because eventually (and I've already seen it happening) people will just get bored without new content or just grow out of it and they'll move on. Even if they've got nothing against the creator, that's just what happens. Some will stick around but even then no one's bound to last forever. Especially when there's always new stuff to be found.

But hey, he's good where he's at for now so I guess one might as well enjoy it while they can. I would like to see him succeed in actually securing a bigger role (whether in a film, Broadway, or even a TV show) because I think he'd do really well and he has been contacted by Disney before to be in one of their shows so who knows?

[whoiwanttoday]

Here is some Puck Moonen for you guys today cause she is remarkably attractive. Dutch Athletes for some reason have this special ability to be both high quality athletes but you see pictures of them and go, "Is that a model? Is she selling me bikes?" It's a little remarkable. And before anyone asks me for evidence of other ones I will point you towards Ellen Hoog and Jutta Leerdom, who both could just be models but are actually both among the best in the world at their sports. I would point you to posts but those are gone now. Some of them might end up reblogged on @whoiwanttodayreblogs though, if you want to follow that. I still have 1000 old posts of mine in drafts there that I am slowly trying to get out. Anyway, back to Puck Moonen, she is very attractive and because she's a woman that's also a cures. Because fun fact, everything about being a woman is also secretly a curse. She is suffering from criticism about being a "Bike Babe" meaning that people are dicks to her online (I mean obviously. She's a woman, what else can you do? Not leave mean comments?) and don't take her seriously as an athelete. Which is the whole curse thing because is she wasn't attractive she would then be roundly criticized for not being fuckable, one of the worst sins a woman can commit. But if she takes the time to look good (because, let's remember, we all have genetic gifts but anyone you think is beautiful has put in more work than you might realize to look so, it's not some unearned thing like people want to claim. At least, no more unearned than my intelligence. My grueling routine as a child of eating cereal and watching cartoons on Saturday probably shouldn't get me too much moral credit just because I happen to have native intelligence) then she is clearly doing it for attention or just to get deals to sell products. Which is wild, because the same sorts who love to level these comments claim to be ruled by, "Logic and Reason," so you'd think they'd understand that they have created a logical contradiction where women are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Which the tiniest bit of logic and reason would tell you is unjust. If you'd like, I can point you to texts on this. I suggest you all start with John Rawls as an over view before we get into gender based stuff. Anyway, you'd think these guys would realize that but the truth is men are just too emotional to be rational. It's unfortunate but true. Men can't help it, it's biological. A weakness of the gender I guess, to be so ruled by emotion all the time that you see red when a pretty girl rides a bicycle. Anyway, all of that is a long way of saying people are fucking stupid. Puck Moonen is a professional cyclist, thus is very talented, and on top of that she is remarkably beautiful. So I am posting her. Today I want to fuck Puck Moonen.

[voiceless-terror]

Perhaps the "stop moving!" Prompt for Jon, where he's been kidnapped by yet another avatar group and they're trying to subdue him but he's fighting too much so they break something like his leg or wrist to make him stop 👀

Hello! I’ve been thinking about this prompt for a while, and I decided to set this during the Circus kidnapping (hope you don’t mind!) and tackled it with another prompt, this one by @give-me-a-minute-to-think who asked for “ a post-circus-kidnapped fic. like, how martin and timdiscover jon was kidnaped and their reaction (espically tims.) we see in canon martin addressing that fact, but not literally anyone else. i just want some complicated relatinship and tim to be nice to jon even a little.” Hope you two enjoy!

Jon’s pretty sure bones weren’t meant to bend that way.

It was his fault, really. He shouldn’t have put up a struggle. He should’ve realized the futility of his situation and yielded to the rough, unfamiliar hands forcing him into the van. But Jon’s nothing if not stubborn, so a few flailing arms and weak kicks were to be expected. And the retaliation, of course, should’ve also been expected.

“Stop movin’,” came the gruff voice of the delivery man, with a face so nondescript Jon could forget it if he looked away for only a second. He gives one last weak slap to the hands on his body. Wrong move.

A sickening crack could be heard along with a sharp cry- Jon’s cry, because the pain currently emanating from his one good wrist is white-hot and agonizing. His eyes are blurring and the inside of the van is stifling in its darkness, but even he could see that hands and wrists weren’t supposed to look like this. He bites back the nausea and sags back into the rough hands, rendered frozen by the pain. There’s a chuckle, low and sinister, and one of the men begins to whistle the tune from the calliope.

And then his arms are yanked behind his back and the pain reaches a dizzying crescendo as his body decides it’s had enough, and sinks into oblivion.

_______

He spends his days being touched.

Cold hands and a face with a permanent smile. Sometimes there’s more of them, as if he’s a spectacle to be watched and studied. The Strangers like to learn about bodies, foreign as they are to them. Nikola enjoys narrating the process, poking and prodding at the bruises and burns and the strange, twisted hands. He doesn’t bite back his gasps and whimpers, he’s gagged, but Nikola likes to hear them. Likes to hear the wordless grumble of his voice, rendered mute and unintelligible. 

The weeks go by, he loses hope. He’s not there much anymore, he’s somewhere else, a place where the pain can’t reach him. He’s back in Georgie’s apartment, the Admiral purring in his lap. He’s back in Research with a smiling Tim and a woman he imagines to be Sasha. He even thinks back to Martin’s lunches a few months ago with a sort of fondness. People talked to him, people cared. People worried when he was gone. 

Every once in a while, his daydreams are interrupted by the sting of bones knitting together wrong or the itching flare of infected tissue. He starts to think of his eventual skinning as a sort of blessing in disguise; Lord knows he’s wanted to scratch himself out of it more than once. He just wishes they would hurry it up, not draw it out so much. Shouldn’t he be ready by now?

And then Michael comes. He feels a strange, manic strength return to him at the promise of a story, even if it ends in his own demise. I want to know. Tell me, tell me. The Eye’s gaze doesn’t reach him, but the power it’s planted within him grows. By the end, he feels strong enough to reach for the door handle himself, ignoring the pain that raising his arm causes. 

It’s locked. His one salvation is gone. But then Michael is too, and Helen gives him a different sort of hope. One that lands him directly in Elias’s office. 

His injuries are ignored in favor of a more pressing threat- Melanie. The only thing that keeps him standing and lucid is the remaining strength he siphoned from Michael’s statement. But it’s an empty, sickening vigor, one that’s sure to leave him feeling more drained than ever once it fades. Elias says nothing as he stumbles after Melanie with a limping pace, arriving some five minutes after her. She’s sitting at her desk, silently steaming when Jon makes his way in the office, leaning heavily against the doorframe.

“Jon!” Martin’s bright voice pipes up. “You’re back! We were wondering…” His voice trails off as he takes in Jon’s appearance, dirty and gaunt and yet shining with a strange sheen. A thousand showers won’t erase the feeling of those cold, slimy hands on him, Jon knows. Tim’s head pops up from his desk and even he looks a bit concerned; it’s the most positive feeling he’s shown Jon in ages. 

“He was kidnapped, apparently,” Melanie drawls, and Jon doesn’t take her ambivalence to heart. She feels trapped like the rest of them. And Jon’s safe now, so what does it matter? What does any of this matter?

“K-Kidnapped?” Martin sputters, making his way over to his side. Jon flinches back unconsciously, gripping tightly at the wall and Martin stops in his tracks, his face softening. “We didn’t- nobody told us-”

“It’s fine,” Jon croaks, though they all know it isn’t. “It was- it was the Circus. A-And I’ll tell you about it-” he nods in Tim’s direction, seeing his wide-eyed stare out of the corner of his eye.”-as soon as I have a rest, if that’s alright.”

Martin casts a critical eye over him, his gaze coming to rest at the stiff way in which he holds his arms. “Seriously? I think you should go to the hospital, Jon. You look-”

“I’m fine now,” Jon assures him- he’d wave away the concern if he could lift his arm at all. “Just- just a moment, please.”

He limps to his office and they let him, their eyes reminding him of those curious mannequins and the way they stared and dissected him as if he were a cadaver on display. You’re not there anymore, he tries to reason as he collapses into his office chair. There’s a statement on his desk and he wonders if it was Elias or one of his assistants who placed it there, just waiting for him to come back. He’s so hungry.

But opening the file is agony. His burned hand cries out at any touch, and his crooked one doesn’t cooperate. Still, he forces the movement and the tape recorder clicks on for him, a move that usually chills him but now feels like a small mercy.

The words spill from his lips, natural and all-consuming. It doesn’t energize him as much as Michael’s direct account, but it certainly goes down easier, untainted by the jagged edges of the Spiral. He only realizes at the end that the statement was written in French, a language he doesn’t speak. Another development. Elias would be proud. Probably is, sitting up there in his office. And in perfect and non-coincidental timing, his email pings with a message from the man himself, informing him of his new flat, the keys to which are in his bottom drawer.

A new flat. How considerate. He tries not to think of the lonely, unprotected darkness that awaits him there. No Georgie. No Admiral. That’s probably for the best, he thinks. You wouldn’t want to endanger them.

Martin knocks, startling him out of his maudlin thoughts. He’s got tea and biscuits and Jon is struck by not only how much he missed the normalcy of the act, but how horribly hungry he is. For real food. He almost feels giddy with the realization. 

“Thank you, Martin.” He’s rewarded with a tired smile and more questions. More apologies. He’s been reading statements. Jon worries about this, but Martin brushes it off. Jon keeps his arms resting on his lap, out of Martin’s sight. He gives non-answers to his inquiries and he can tell Martin’s frustrated- he only wants to help, but Jon won’t let him. They end the conversation at a strange but polite stalemate, a promise that there will be time for them to talk. He’s surprised Martin lets him go like this, but perhaps he’s realized what Jon already did all those weeks ago.

He’s beyond saving.

And then he’s gone again, back to that big room with those terrible waxworks and that strange, lilting tune and the faces that were wrong, the voices that were stolen. Everything echoed, even the tiniest of whimpers. And the laughter. He wants to curl up and make himself small, hide under the desk but his limbs are stiff and immovable, glued to his seat. His breaths start to come in small, tremulous gasps when another voice speaks up from the doorway.

“The Circus?”

Tim. Jon meets his eyes, attempting to get his emotions under control. You’re not there anymore. You’re back, you’re safe.

“A month you were gone,” Tim’s stomping over to his desk and Jon pushes his chair back, trying to create space but all Tim does is collapse into the chair across from him, heaving a sigh. He hasn’t sat there in ages. “Fuckin’ Elias. Where did they have you?”

Jon slumps in his seat, the tension in his frame somewhat easing. “It was a Wax Museum. I-I think that’s where they’ll be attempting the Unknowing.”

“That’s a lead, then.”

“Yeah,” Jon let out a weak chuckle. “At least something good came out of this.”

Tim’s eyes go dark. “Don’t joke about that.”

Jon nods, slightly taken aback by the fervor of the words. “S-Sorry.”

“What did you see? What happened?” He’s leaning forward now, his interest getting the best of him. Jon opens his mouth; he plans to answer- he could describe the waxworks, the van that took him away, the layout of his prison- but that’s not what comes out.

“They wouldn’t- they wouldn’t stop touching me,” he says, his voice fading to a whisper with each word. “Everyday. She came in and she smiled and she kept talking about my skin and touching me and I-I-” And once again he’s back there, cold hands on his face and mocking voices in his ear and it’s wrong, so wrong-

A hand rests on his shoulder and he rears back, an automatic response of revulsion as his heart stutters in his chest. But it’s not a smiling mannequin, it’s Tim. Tim, who’s kneeling by his chair so he doesn’t loom, whose hands are warm and real, flesh and blood. He’s staring down at Jon’s lap, where his arms lay crooked and burned and broken. Useless.

“They needed me to stop moving,” he whispers, as if it’s a valid explanation. Tim’s jaw is clenched. It’s a barely concealed rage and Jon feels guilty that it scares him so much. And yet, in spite of that anger, or perhaps because of it, he takes the hand from his shoulder, gentle and slow so Jon can see the path of his movements. He puts two fingers to the crooked arm, an impossibly soft movement as he leans in to inspect the damage. 

And there’s no ulterior motive behind it. It’s just a touch, careful and concerned, probing lightly at his arm like he’s something fragile that Tim doesn’t want to break. He feels a tightness in his chest that for once doesn’t have fear as its source.

“I would’ve looked for you. If I’d have known.”

Tim says the words more to his lap than to him. And yes, he suspected that if Tim knew the Circus had him, he would’ve looked. But it wouldn’t have been for him. His presence would only be incidental. Tim’s staring at his arm as if the power of his gaze could knit it back together right and whole. His hand remains in place, and Jon wonders if it’s for Tim more than him. It’s as if he has to be reminded that Jon’s real, that he’s here.

“I need to tell you something.” The words are loaded with import. “But not now. Are you still staying with your friend?” Jon blinks at the change in subject.

“N-No. I have a new flat, but-”

“You shouldn’t be alone,” Tim’s suddenly all business, rising to his feet and looking down at Jon with a face that allowed for no argument. “Not with this Circus business. You can stay at mine, after you go to A&E. You’re not okay.”

Jon stares down at his lap, all fight leaving him. “I know.”

He lets Tim take control, lets him do that aggressive sort of care-taking he was known for in the earlier days of their friendship. It’s not the same; there’s no gentle words, no teasing but stern instruction. Just a silent tending that feels familiar all the same. Tim’s the one who speaks to the doctors, who listens to their instructions and later explains to Jon what’s going to have to be done in the coming days, as if he were a child. He knows it’s going to be bad, painful. But Tim keeps his voice level and Jon is somehow reassured. When they get to his flat and Jon’s warm and medicated and settled on the couch, he asks the question and Tim answers, his voice fluid and his words made eloquent in their grief. And Jon understands.

Tim doesn’t let him sleep on the couch. He’s curled up in the bed under a mountain of blankets and he pretends not to notice Tim standing in the doorway like some sort of sentinel. 

“I would’ve looked.” He repeats the words as if trying to convince himself of their veracity. “If I’d have known.”

Jon closes his eyes and tries to believe him.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28135263

[minghaocouture]

Pairing: Lee Jihoon x Fem!Reader Genre: Collage AU, Fluff, the tiniest angst Warning: Minor self esteem issues (from reader), Language WC: 2.9K

A/N: @woozisnoots​​ my sweetie baby! This is your Holiday gift from me!! I wub yoooou and i hope you like this <333 The song mentioned in the fic is Tell me you love me by Bolbbalgan4 and i actually just kept listening to it on repeat while writing this lol, it’s such a cute song, and all the italic words are song lyrics (the english translations)! Also yes i shamelessly name dropped our friend group in this, don’t judge me

“You don’t accept my hi as usual I know you’re popular and handsome  but you’ve always given the cold shoulder Only to me.” 

The lyrics flowed easily from your lips and into the microphone, eyes closed as you felt the vibes of the chorus and attempted to put the right layers of emotion into the song as you did so. The instrumental paused just as the chorus ended you heard the familiar sound of your partner through the headphones.

“Can you run that one more time. Hold that last note a bit longer, and make the staccato in the first beginning a bit sharper.” On the other side of the glass sat Lee Jihoon, and the brains behind the operation despite this being a partnered project. At the beginning of this, you never would have thought that the two of you would have been working together so well. Not with how the project began. 

You gave him an affirmation of your understanding and he began from the end of the pre-chorus, letting the melody and his test vocals fill your ears just before you began again.

When you had first been assigned partners, you were less than enthused. Sure, you had a major crush on Jihoon, his passion for music inspired you and you always loved watching him in class when he would perform. But, he was notoriously a rather critical partner. During the last partnered project in class a close friend of yours, Binu, had been assigned to work with him. She ended up confessing that she didn’t really get too much of a say on anything and that Jihoon did the project mostly by himself. Needless to say, she was much happier with this project being partnered with your mutual friend Mar. 

The recording session wrapped up nicely and you began packing your things as you realized how late it was in the evening and your friends would start to get concerned if they didn’t hear back from you. So you pulled your phone from your bag and quickly messaged your group chat to let them know the situation. As you went to place your bag over your shoulder you heard the familiar sound of a stomach growling.

Your eyes quickly scanned the room and watched Jihoon sigh and sit back down at the recording booth, his laptop still open but he didn’t look like he had any intention of leaving to get sustenance. Much to your own surprise you decided to speak up.

“Hey, I was planning on grabbing some dinner. Did...you wanna come too? We’ve been here for a while and we could probably use some food.” You suggested, an inviting smile plastered itself onto your face. You hoped it didn’t seem fake, after all you had invited Jihoon to eat before and he had always denied the offer. 

Much like all previous times, you saw his rather small head shake in denial.

“Nah, I’ve got some stuff to finish up here. I’ll probably grab something before heading back to my dorms...or maybe I’ll ask Mingyu to pick me up some dinner.” You’d heard about Mingyu before, his roommate who he says he tolerates but you can tell that he does really care about the guy from how he talks about it. 

Most people say that Jihoon is hard to read and closed off, but you know they’re wrong. He just...emotes differently, he has his own ways of showing affection and you can see it in his eyes and the little things he does and says. Being around him like this has honestly only made your crush worse. 

“Well, alright, but you better eat something and go home tonight. I don’t wanna come back here tomorrow and see you in this same outfit cause you haven’t gone home.” Which...had happened on more than one occasion during this project.

He shrugged, not turning back to face you.

“I brought extra clothes this time.”

***

“Seriously? I can’t believe he said no again! Ugh, I hate him and you deserve better than to pine after that short stack!” Rolling your eyes as you listened to Krys ranting once again. 

Since Jihoon refuted your invitation you decided to invite out your best friends. The 5 of you heading to a nearby fried chicken place, crowding into the booth that your friend group had basically claimed (when it was available at least) 

“It’s fine Krys, he’s just really into his work. He’s probably going to be in the studio editing until all hours of the morning.” You explained before shoving some of the complimentary salad into your mouth as you took a break from the chicken itself. “I might even take him some food before I head back to the dorms.”

“Nu-uh! I’m not letting you! That boy doesn’t even talk to you outside of class, he doesn’t deserve your time or your energy!” Krys exclaimed.

“I mean, he kinda does. Talk to her, I mean he waved at her last week.” Maya brought up in between her unsuccessful attempts at stealing the rest of the table’s pickled radish. “We were walking to the lounge and she saw him and waved at him, and he finally waved back.”

“Oh what, after ignoring her for a whole semester? Real nice of him. My best friend deserves better!” She declared, aggressively taking another bite of her chicken before continuing. “If I weren’t already dating the best man in the whole world, I would just date you myself.”

This brought the rest of the table another fit of laughter. It was never a dull moment in your friend group and you were always grateful that you had them in your life. 

“This just in, Krys won’t leave big dick Wonwoo so her best friend can have a good relationship.” Mar joked, cackling at the thought. The laughter seemed to get worse when she realized that Wonwoo himself had just walked up to the table to set down a drink refill for Binu. The male’s face was flushed red, obviously having heard the conversation. Which prompted another round of joyful laughter from the group.

It was a good night, but your mind still drifted back to Jihoon, who was most likely still sitting alone in the studio, hungry yet still hard at work. As the conversation drifted away from you finally, you got Wonwoo’s attention and ordered a small meal for take out with a plan to deliver the food before returning home. Even if Krys would give you shit for it.

***

“Jihoon, it’s me” You knocked on the studio door as you entered, assuming you wouldn’t be interrupting anything since you saw the light on but heard now sounds from inside. Surprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly, you got no response as you entered. Simply making your way in despite any acknowledgement.

The more surprising thing was what you found once you entered. There, still sitting in the rolly chair with his head firmly planted on the desk in front of his work laptop was Lee Jihoon. Fast asleep, small snores leaving his frame as he dreamed. It would honestly be pretty cute if it weren’t for the fact that you knew this was probably happening because of how much he overworked himself. 

You let out a small sigh, placing the bag on the small coffee table in the room (you didn’t want to set it on the desk with all the equipment) and grabbed his jacket that he had tossed onto the nearby sofa before draping it over his shoulders. You couldn’t really do much more for him without lifting the male up and transferring him to the couch, and you were pretty sure he would wake up if you even attempted that. 

“Night Jihoon.” With that final goodbye you exited the room and returned back to your dorm to get some homework done for a few of your other classes.

It was about 2:30 the next morning when your phone vibrated, indicating a message. Sparing a glance to the device you read the familiar name ‘Lee Jihoon’ as the sender. The message was no more than a simple “Thank you.” but that was good enough for you.

***

As you expected, even being the harmony vocals for the song Jihoon’s talent far outshined your main vocals. You weren’t upset or anything, but you were definitely starting to regret letting him talk you into the main vocal position for this project. You didn’t even really have any commentary to or feedback to give him. His voice fit the song perfectly and you could feel the emotion in his words as he sang. 

When he exited the booth and took a seat on the sofa to take a break you spoke up.

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be the one leading the song?” You questioned, head tilted to the side a bit as you watched him gulp down a bottle of water. Your words took him off guard and he fixed you with a rather confused look, so you continued. “I mean, you have such a great voice and I really think you capture the emotion in the song better than I do. So like…”

“What are you talking about?” He cut off your ramblings before you could continue, his eyes staring intently into your own. “You have an amazing voice, I’m literally blown away anytime you step into the booth. It’s part of the reason I was glad we got partnered for this project.”

It was almost as if your brain had short circuited, you didn’t know what to say. He had never spoken about your singing like that before, much less admit that he was...glad you were his partner. A part of you worried that he was lying just to spare your feelings, but the logical part knew that Jihoon wasn’t someone who would waste the energy to do that. 

“Let me put it this way,” he began again. “If I didn’t think you were doing a good job, if i thought your vocals would get us points docked off, then I wouldn’t have let you sing the Main. Got it?” His gaze seemed to pierce right to your very soul and you couldn’t find it in yourself to argue back and decided to just take his word for it. So you simply nodded a response.

It seemed that Jihoon wasn’t done surprising you tonight, as a smile so tender made its way onto his face. Your heart skipped a beat as you looked into his eyes, you could feel the heat rushing to your face and you prayed that he couldn’t hear the loud throbbing of your heart as he watched you. 

The moment was soon broken by the loud blaring of a familiar pop song, Jihoon’s face dropping at the sound. He quickly grabbed his phone off of the coffee table and put it up to his ear. You decided to be polite and at least try not to listen in, pulling out your own phone and messaging the group chat to see what was up.

“What do you want, Mingyu?” He began, definitely sounding more irritated than before he had taken the call. You couldn’t hear the voice on the other end but from the gumbling that left Jihoon’s lips you wouldn’t have been surprised if his roommate was pushing his buttons for whatever reason.

“No. I’m not and you need to stop asking. I’m working right now.” He paused for a moment, his voice lowering to almost a whisper as if that would make you unable to hear him. “Yes, she’s here too, so stop asking. Mingy-” He groaned as the male on the other end seemed to cut him off, you weren’t too sure with what but now you could vaguely hear the loud voice of his roommate on the line and couldn’t help laughing softly. The sound causing Jihoon’s eyes to flicker over to you, causing your heart to skip a beat as you quickly tried to make it seem like you were just laughing at something on your phone. 

“Shut it. We’ll talk when I get home...yes i’m coming back tonight!” With an irritated sigh, Jihoon ended the call. You weren’t sure he gave Mingyu any time to give a farewell but if you were being honest the conversation had been pretty amusing. 

Setting his phone down on the couch, Jihoon let out a sigh and ran a hand through his thick black locks. A silence falling over the two of you as you typed away on your phone, trying not to make eye contact again. You were so engrossed with your act you didn’t even hear when Jihoon stood from the couch and made his way over to the chair you were currently occupying. 

“Before we call it, could you re-record from the bridge to the end. When I was editing it last night there was some feedback so I wanted to get a better recording.”

“Oh, um yeah sure!” You weren’t sure why he hadn’t mentioned that before, and you didn’t recall hearing any feedback from your vocals when he was recording. But still, you took him at his word and entered the small recording booth once again. 

“I’ll start from just before the bridge.” He said over the speakers once your headphones were pulled snuggly over your ears. You cleared your throat and took a deep breath before nodding and signaling him to start.

“I really like you a lot But do you think we can’t be together? I feel small in my school uniform skirt Looking big on me, Yeah The tall, pretty girls are all around you.  Oh whoa~”

Getting through the bridge you poured your emotions into it. Thinking about your feelings for Jihoon and the longing for him to feel the same for you. Honestly, through this whole process the song the two of you had written was so...cathartic for you. Expressing things you never verbalized, how despite your attempts Jihoon never really spoke to you outside of class but he always seemed so kind when you were working. Or how, because of his looks and his talent he seemed to be surrounded by girls who thought he was wonderful. 

“If you like me, or you love me Just say yes, yes, yes And then I’m your girlfriend And your my boyfriend Tell me you like me.”

The last few chords streamed through your headphones and a silence fell over the room. Just as you were about to take the headphones off you heard a voice come through, the familiar voice of your partner and crush.

“I like you...a lot.” 

You froze like a deer in headlights, almost positive that you had misheard him. Eyes quickly landing on him, watching him through the glass. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but through the tint you could see the soft pink dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears as his eyes stared down at the desk.

“Don’t say anything. I just...wanted to let you know. The reason I didn’t want to sing the main vocals is because I was worried you would be able to tell.” He continued, eyes still not lifting from the table to meet your gaze. “All of the lyrics I added were about you. I just...changed the pronouns.” 

It was unbelievable to think that Lee Jihoon could possibly love you back. He was too...wonderful, and the fact that the both of you had used this song to express those feelings was almost unreal. 

Thinking back on it, on all the interactions you had attempted to have with him outside of class. You realized that he wasn’t ignoring you, his eyes had always met your own but he was just uncertain.  He had lacked the confidence to speak to you despite your obvious interest in him. It made your pinning seem silly now. 

You still honored his wishes and said nothing, simply taking the headphones off and draping them onto the music stand before exiting the booth. Stopping right next to the object of your affections.

“Jihoon, look at me? Please?” Hesitantly, his gaze turned to you and he looked flustered, more flustered than you had ever seen him. “I like you too, a whole lot.” 

Your words had his eyes lighting up, a look of disbelief crossing his face as you continued.

“Could I...would it be alright if I kiss you?” Before today, you had only ever imagined kissing Jihoon. What it would be like had been nothing more than a small fantasy that you thought about, but seeing him nod looking away still flustered, it almost seemed to good to be anything more than a dream. 

Hesitantly, you reached out a hand to caress his cheek, your heart speeding up as he lifted a hand to press over your own. When your lips met, it was like the stars had aligned. 

It wasn’t a perfect kiss, it was shy and soft but the emotion you felt simply from his lips pressing back against your own was enough to cause your heart to soar. It was like two puzzle pieces finding one another how well his lips felt against your own. You decided in that moment that he would get to hear everyday how much you absolutely loved him, he would never need to ask or hesitate again. Cause that’s what kind of love you wanted to give him, and all you needed to do was say it. 

[loversdelusions]

HEYO, I saw you were doing matchups, could I request one with a male BNHA character? If not feel free to ignore!

My pronouns are she/her, I identify as female. I prefer villains, but if no villains match then heroes work too.

INFP/J, Virgo. I’m pretty shy but I try my best to be friendly to most even if it’s painful to socialize. Awkward. Very compassionate and love giving gifts. Can be temperamental/moody, stubborn, and I eavesdrop a lot,, I criticize myself too much and that extends to others, but I don’t communicate this well. Creative, but unmotivated. Heavy sleeper and I hate being woken up. I’m always thinking about something, but rarely paying attention, honestly I just live in my head half the time.

I guess if I had a quirk it would be Reverse; the ability to reverse motion. So if something was coming toward you, redirecting it in a different direction. I chose this because I like playing Uno a lot and the reverse card is my favorite LOL.

If I’m not daydreaming I’m probably drawing, writing, or just working. I don’t have a particular type, but I do favor people with a sense of humor. Tend to go after people who don’t notice me. My love languages are gift giving (giving) and quality time (receiving).

Thanks so much!

- 🍐

This is a tough call. In my head Villains aren't the most romantic ones, accounting for all the trauma.

But I think that Shigaraki would be a match. And I really did my research on this one.

He’s a bit immature. So awkwardness is a bit of his thing, especially when it comes to people like you. He’s such a sucker for the shyness of yours, especially when you're awkward. He’s awkward too, but it’s nice to feel matched like that. At least so in the beginning.

Funny thing, Shigaraki needs someone to be creative with him. He loves gaming, and so taking time to play with you a bunch of games while asking the league to do random things to give the both of you some time alone is something people are starting to catch up on. Kurogiri is highly irritated by his bullshit but let's it go. Shiggy can spend years playing with you, and spending time with you.

He’s been neglected all of his life so even the tiniest little gift you give him will make him weak in the knees. He’s very soft when it comes to you, especially when it comes to your ideas to improve the plans for the league. Even if it was actually the dumbest idea you could think of, he’d believe in you so hard he’ll demand they at least try. You encourage him to be more creative, so he loves to brainstorm with you.

Though he isn't the most understanding when it comes to your moods, since he’s own moodiness can be childish. Though if both of you had been feeling strange that day, the both of you can destroy stuff together to get rid of the temper. He himself is keen on talking a bit of shit, though you might have to tamp down the criticism when it comes to him, because he’s pretty sensitive about a lot.

I can seriously picture the both of you sitting next to each other lost in a bit of a trance, I would say he’d definitely sit there staring into the wall a bit into his own thoughts, and he’d enjoy sitting there holding your hand, especially when he spots you daydreaming with the soft look on your face. It’s adorable to him. He’d love any and all the gifts you’d give him. And while when he met you he’d been a little judgy, he really fell in love with how compassionate and stubborn you were.

And he can seriously see how loyal you were.

He will feel annoyed that he can't give you anything he thinks is good enough for you. He is annoyed that you give him amazing gifts all the time and yet he isn't doing enough.

So what’s the solution? Well, he demands one night every two weeks or so when the whole league will be forced to sit there and play board games together. Since this was a sort of gift for you, it would be a game of your choice.

Did he brag about just how amazing his gift would be? Yes. He thinks he’s amazing afterwards. Dabi will take care of his big ego though, cause he will berate him so hard the first night.

It does become one of the most awaited nights later though, time for the league to bond.

Shigaraki thinks himself pretty lucky having a girlfriend that isn't too bent on physical touch. It takes him a lot of time to become comfortable with you, since he’s deathly afraid of touching you and accidentally turning you into dust. It took you giving him a two fingered glove for his hands, so he wouldn't you know… kill you. And so, with that, falling asleep together was something he loved to do with you.

No one. Absolutely no one was going to dare wake you guys up, because both of you are horribly mean when they wake you up before you are ready. And Shigaraki wastes no time threatening death upon anyone who wakes him up, and so both of you can equally be sure that no one will wake you unless it's an emergency.

Funnily enough he isn't as cold as you’d first think, because he enjoys doing random shit and just really hanging out. So he sits there playing his game and randomly asks you about whatever it is you’re doing, whether it's writing or drawing. He isn't the greatest motivational speaker but he tries his very best to encourage you, even if it's in a convoluted way. After all, the only reason he’s ever been motivated is tragedy, so you might have to convince him that reversing a bullet into your guardians isn't exactly motivational for you.

He has his own type of humour, sarcastic dry type which you wouldn't really catch until you get to know him. Once he sees you cracking up at his jokes though he’ll try extra hard to make you laugh or smile. He’s loyal, too; So expect all your enemies to be his, and all your problems to be his. Childish vengeance or not, he tends to be a bit cruel to people he sees no worth in.

His goal morphs when he meets you. Now destroying everything doesn't seem too appealing unless you're by his side, sitting on the throne of destruction he’s made alongside him.

I hope you like this haha took a long time for me to decide on who’d be good, cause I also could see Tamaki Amajiki or Dabi working too.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Why I (Want to) Love Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Salutations, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this! I’m an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. I also LOVE the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Whether as a kid, or an adult pretending to be a kid, this franchise is one that I’ll always revisit no matter how old I get. So when I heard that a new version of the series was coming out in 2018, titled as Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I was excited about it. Then I watched the series...and most of that excitement went down the sewer drain. 

Don’t get me wrong, there were some elements that seemed like there was some definite promise for a good series, but other aspects...I’ll have to explain. 

But keep in mind, I am going to be spoiling a lot about the series. So if you haven't watched it yet, I highly recommend you do so to form your own opinions. Because while it may not have grabbed me as much, that doesn’t mean the same can’t be said for you. With that out of the way, let's get started with--

WHAT I LIKE

The Animation: If anybody ever tells you that Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has awful animation, they are objectively wrong. Rise of the TMNT has some of the best, if not the best, animated fight scenes I've seen from any action series in recent memory. Probably because the show understands the number one rule of action animation: Good animation is a requirement. Not an exception.

For an action-oriented animated series, the audience needs to feel the impact whenever characters punch, block, or dodge in each fight. Yes, even dodge. Because if you can feel even the tiniest gust of wind that passes by a character's face after a punch, then you know the animators are doing something right. And trust me when I say that is present in the majority of most fights in Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Are there moments when the movements are slow and rigid? Yes...during the dialogue and comedic scenes. Moments where good and quality animation isn't really all that necessary. You see this same technique in most modern anime: The animation is rigid and cheap for the dialogue-heavy scenes so the animators can give extra attention to the epic action set pieces. Not a single person complains about this happening in their favorite anime of the week. But when Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles does this, apparently it's a bad thing? Explain that logic to me!

The animation is phenomenal in this show. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise because those people are either blind or insanely stupid. Either works.

It’s Pretty Funny: And that's about it. It's nowhere near one of the funniest shows I have seen, and previous iterations of the franchise did a much better job at balancing humor and heart, but Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles did a great job at getting a laugh out of me from time to time. It has a very random sense of humor that works well with its manic energy, similar to what Star vs. the Forces of Evil did early on in its first season. Even if one joke fails, about ten more take its place, most of them funnier than the others. There may be an occasional issue where a joke spoils a dramatic moment, but Rise of the TMNT is one of the few shows where that issue doesn't happen often. Besides, the series sets itself up as more of a comedy than other reboots and reiterations, so it wouldn't look good if it wasn't funny. Thankfully, it is, and in a way, the show is a success because of it.

It Tries to be Something New: This is what I respect most about the series. The downside about a reboot is that writers have to find a way to tell the same story but with adjustments that make it seem different. That's the same way Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles operates as a franchise. The original concepts of the stories and characters are always iconic, and I'll love them with my whole heart, but I will admit, there's a point where the same thing over and over again can be a little tiring. Then there's Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which makes changes where other shows would ask "why," this is the one that asks "why not?"

Why not change the personality and backstories of characters that still fit with the spirit of the original?

Why not change the genders, races, and possibly sexualities of these iconic characters?

Why not make something new?

Now, some have argued that the show is a little too new. Which I can kind of see the point of. After all, what's the point of changing characters and concepts so drastically when you could just make an original series? But even then, most of the changes are pretty clever, that I think it’s worth remembering for future iterations. Like making Casey Jones a female. Casey is a gender-neutral name, and I legitimately thought this series would do it for that reason alone. So I feel bad that the writers never got a chance to allow the series to reach its full potential with ideas like this due to Nickelodeon screwing them over (Seriously, never pitch a show to Nickelodeon. It rarely ever works out, and it's not worth the risk). I can see how these ideas could result in an incredible show that might cement the series as one of the best iterations of the franchise. But I can't base a story on potential. I can only judge what I see, and what I see are brilliant changes that impress me from time to time.

The Creators Are Still Fans: Despite making something completely different, you can tell that everyone working on this show loves TMNT as the rest of the fans do. There are dozens of references to previous versions littered throughout the series. Whether it's shoutouts to the 90s cartoon to bringing back voice actors from the last one, there are moments where the crew behind the series emphasizes how much they care about the franchise. There are also times when a reference has such a deep cut to it. For example, the series has the previous VA for Splinter to voice the current version of Shredder. I shouldn't have to explain how that is a brilliant idea, especially given Shredder's relationship with Karai...which I can't fully explain due to it spoiling TMNT (2012). This might be a whole new experience, but it is clear that history is not ignored when it comes to Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The Cast is Colorful: It's not precisely a diversity win to have half the Turtles voiced by black VAs, but it is unquestionably some good sign of progress. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are...accurately what they are called. So they are not defined by the skin tone of the VAs themselves. So having half of them be voiced by people of color makes me hopeful that maybe future reboots would consider more colorful castings. Hell, maybe one day we'll have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot where all of them are POCs, to the point that we'll have an all-Asian casting for these timeless heroes (which makes way too much sense to me).

And it's not just the casting of the turtles that impresses me. Because the series making April O'neil black is an idea that I'm more than ok with. It's implied that she's black in the original comics by Keven Eastman and Peter Laird, so it works as another deep-cut reference that proves how big of fans the crew is. Plus, who cares? I mean, if we're still having issues of changing the race of a character who was originally white, all I can say is grow the hell up. You can complain if they don't grab you, but if the issue is because of one decision that shouldn't negatively affect anybody, I don't see the problem. Besides, at this point, a character being white is basically the base plate for someone in the future to change their race at another time.

Also, let’s give the people behind the casting a pat on the back for casting Asian VAs for characters who are, well, Asian. It’s the bare minimum of common courtesy and avoids the trouble of having white VAs do asian accents that have become quite culturally insensitive nowadays. So it’s a pretty cool decision if you ask me.

Diversity is never an issue, especially since representation always matters for people who demand to be heard. It's definitive proof that anybody can be anything, whether it's a hero in fiction or the voice of that hero behind the scenes. And you can't really do that when everyone is so white that it's blinding.

Donatello: This is the best character in the series. Not only because Donatello has the most consistent personality (more on that later), but also because I'm a sucker for the cynical super-geniuses. These types of characters always have a quick and dry wit that never fails to get a laugh out of me, and this version of Donatello became my favorite just for that factor alone. Most of the credit goes to Josh Brener, who does a phenomenal job at his performance and comedic delivery. As for the emotional bits, he's...fine, but the drama isn't the show's best strength anyway, so it doesn't matter as much. Because the fact that it's Donatello who earns the spot as best character in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot is an impressive feat in itself that any criticism offered for him is moot in the process.

WHAT I DISLIKE

Leonardo: I'm willing to make half of this a personal issue because I have grown to despise Ben Schwarts in the last four years. No offense to the guy, I'm sure he's a really great person in real life...but he has done nothing but play the same character in FOURS YEARS! Whether he's Leonardo, Dewey Duck, Sonic the Hedgehog, or even M.O.D.O.K.'s son (yes, that's a thing), Ben Schwarts has practically played the exact same character each time. The highly energized, dimwitted, and egotistical character who slowly tries to learn to be a better person in the end. AND SOMETIMES, NOT EVEN THAT! I'm sick of it, as it always breaks the immersion of the series as all I hear is Ben Schwarts and not the character he's voicing. But it's not just the voice behind Leonardo that frustrates me. Because the thing is, I can see how this version of him can be incredible.

It doesn't take a genius to know that this version of Leonardo is meant to be more childlike and carefree so he can morph into the more mature leader we all know and respect him as. The issue is that the writers barely do anything with that idea. Sure some episodes make this Leonardo more like, well, Leonardo, but they're far and few between the ones where he's the same Ben Schwarts character that I've grown to hate. Even when he is at his most Leo-like, as seen in the episode "Man vs. Sewer," it's so drastically different from how he usually acts that it feels less like character development and more like inconsistency. It's a shame too because I really love this idea. With a little more polish, it could work out. As is, it's just a huge chunk of wasted potential.

Raph’s Too Good of a Leader: This is a similar issue to what I've mentioned about Leonardo. Because, again, I love this idea. Raphael, in multiple iterations, complained about how he should be the leader and just as frequently learns why the job rightly belongs to Leo instead. So starting with this role reversal should be a well-executed idea that gives Raph what he wants while eventually giving the fans what they want. And it would be if not for the fact that Raph seems to be too good at his job.

I get it. If Raphael was too incompetent, the turtles would have gotten nothing done, and it would get too tiring too quick as Leonardo constantly proves why he should lead and why Raph should follow. This actually happens from time to time, and it is already tiresom. The issue is that the intention was to make Leonardo the leader in the end. So why spend so much time showing how Raphael is capable at the job and barely any time showing why Leonardo is a better fit? There are even times when Raphael seems like he really is a better leader than Leo, which I feel as though it is contradictory to the point the writers are trying to get across. In the end, it's nothing more than another really great idea met with insanely poor execution.

Master Splinter (Early Season One): ...Did anybody like this version of Master Splinter in the first half of season one? Because this character was atrocious, especially compared to the previous Splinter from TMNT (2012). We went from what is easily the best interpretation of the character to what was, at the time, the worst. He was lazy, selfish, and emotionally distant with his sons to the point where he only acknowledges them by the color of their bandannas. I understand that the writers needed a more comedic version of the character due to leaning extra hard into comedy, but I don't think I laughed once with his antics in the first half of season one. Thankfully, he's been gifted with a softcore reboot during the second half and onward. This Splinter is awesome, serious, he works well as a straight man, and he has a backstory that's easy to follow while still being kind of heartbreaking. It's a tremendous improvement from what we've been given, but it still doesn't change how downright painful he initially was. I won't complain about the results, but I do have the right to complain about what we got beforehand.

Characters are Inconsistent: A common complaint you'll hear about Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is that the main characters are the same. That's not true because there are definite differences that separate each one apart from the other...the issue is that the writers are not consistent with those changes. I've touched upon it with Leo, but the truth is, everyone in the main cast suffers from inconsistency with their personalities. If Raph is supposed to be the meathead with a good heart, why are there times when he acts like the smart one who occasionally enjoys violence? If April is supposed to be as wild and carefree as the rest of the guys, why are there episodes where she seems to be the sane one? If Mikey is supposed to be kind yet somewhat stupid, why are there episodes where he's selfish and more intelligent than Leonardo? Even Donatello, who is the most consistent out of the whole cast, still suffers through moments when he isn't as clever and cynical as he usually is. These inconsistencies are annoying, and at times, it feels like their personalities are dependent on what the writers need for a joke or for the episode. Characters are the most essential aspect of any story for any medium. If audiences don't care about the characters, they'll find it hard to care about anything else. And how can we care about anyone if we're not one hundred percent sure what their personalities are in the first place?

The Pacing: I sort of expected this when it was announced that this reboot was swapping the franchise's usual half-hour runtime for a ten-minute one, but in all honesty, it isn't that bad. It is slightly fast at times, but that's just as quick to get used to. However, there is one strange phenomenon about this show that I can't let go of.

You see, this series somehow has worse pacing with extended episodes and specials than it does with its usual ten minutes. I don't know how this is possible either. Because despite having as much time as the writers want to establish each plot point, it still feels like they fly through them a little too fast than they regularly would. It makes no sense, but it's constant in every extended episode, especially the series finale (which, to be fair, is partially Nickelodeon's fault. AGAIN!). So keep that in mind when watching.

The Characters Are TOO Overpowered: It feels weird complaining about this. Because making the characters capable of doing anything and surviving much more leads to some of the most epic action sequences in animation history, not just the series or the TMNT franchise as a whole. Despite that, though, there is one crucial thing that is always missing from those fight scenes anyways: Tension.

To fully explain why tension is required in action, I'll have to use Samurai Jack as an example. You see, the titular character can, at times, be just as invincible as these versions of the Turtles and survive even worse. But regardless of him being victorious after nearly every episode, no matter how high the deck is stacked against him, there was always a sense that he fought hard, literally and figuratively, for those victories in the first place. Jack losing articles of clothing or getting cut up gives the illusion that he might not win in the end. He still does, and he always does, but showing the audience that he can and will get hurt makes seeing that victory feel earned. The only times the Turtles, April, or Splinter get hurt is either for comedic slapstick or because the story says so. This is why I consider Shredder destroying the lair is the best fight scene in the entire series. The second he starts destroying their weapons, it gives the tension required to believe maybe, just maybe, not everyone will make it out alive this time. Because if the characters aren't careful, they will face intense consequences as a result. Thus making an adrenaline-pounding moment in the process. Unfortunately, this is the one and only fight scene where that happens. Every action set piece is still epic, don't get me wrong. But there's a reason why writers make even Superman seem less invincible than typical in a fight.

Baron Draxum: THIS is the biggest issue that I have with the series.

As a villain, I didn't give a s**t about Baron Draxum. He was a dull antagonist with a generic evil plot, but other than that, he was perfectly serviceable for a series like this. Even getting a few chuckles now and again...but then the writers decided to make him REDEEMABLE!?

This guy?

The maniac who wanted to commit genocide on human beings, all because of insufficient proof that they'll do it to his species first?

Didn't we already learn how that's awful reasoning after Steven Universe?

Actually, that's not fair...because Steven Universe has a better explanation behind wanting to redeem the Diamonds than Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles does about Baron Draxum! And I'm not kidding! For Steven Universe, the characters believe that it's better to end things peacefully than killing anyone, even if they're the worst criminals. It's a flawed mentality, sure, but it's one you can grasp and understand. What's the reason for redeeming Baron Draxum? It's because he's the reason why Splinter and the turtles are a family...F**k all the physical torture Splinter went through on top of the social ostracization he experienced because of it. No, no, it totally validates the decision to forgive and forget...Oh, wait, no, it doesn't. BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE INSANE!

Who in the f**k honest to goodness thought that would be a good idea? I'm all for finding silver linings in a bad situation, but that is just flat-out lunacy! Because it's the equivalent of saying, "Yeah, this person was a complete a-hole, but they're still the a-hole that made you who you are today." But that is a very dangerous lesson to preach to kids. Because here's the--Hey *snaps fingers* Here's the thing: If a person treats you like garbage, you don't owe them anything for who you are. It's one thing if a person inspired you or cheered you on, but if someone basically ruined your life and physically harmed you and others, don't forgive them. They don't deserve it. ‘Cause f**k Baron Draxum. And whoever thought this was a good idea, you seriously need some help.

Man, is this how it feels to be Lily Orchard? IT SUCKS!

IN CONCLUSION

And that's what I think about Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 

It's a fantastic series! I just like everything except for the execution of ideas, most of the characters, and the overall pacing of it...that means it's not a good series, is it?

Yeah, it's a real shame that I don't like this. Because I want to. I really want to. The pieces are there, and I can see how this could be a great and memorable version of a series I loved since I was a tater-tot myself. But I don't. I'm sorry, but I just don't consider this to be an A+ series. It's a solid C, for sure, because it's mostly just style with very little substance. I still respect the amount of effort everyone put into this reboot, but for me, it just never had its chance to fully rise to the occasion.

[furiousgoldfish]

So there’s one thing that keeps happening since I ran away from home and started my life as ptsd recovering brainwashed poor young person - old rich people are really eager to exploit it. I’m not talking about obscenely rich people of course, I’m nowhere near those, but there’s few elderly people living nearby who are very used to living rich and intent to keep living like that. So they figured I’m someone not only willing to help elderly, but also willing to do things their way, give them level of service they’re used to, and they got busy trying to make it feel like I owe it to them. They want a servant they can treat like trash and demand high level of service from, and get unlimited emotional coddling, and to view themselves as a huge benefactor thru it, because hey, I’m poor, whatever money they throw at me must be a huge blessing. Amount of money I get from is basically not enough to pay anything, and it changes at their whim and moods and sometimes they completely forget. They also want to control what I do with money I earned, and act like it was a gift, despite hours of work I did for them.

It’s also not work anyone could do - they’re actually old enough to get people from social service cleaning for them for free, but those cleaning people have the audacity to talk about their lives, to not be 100% submissive to orders, to have some level of pride and dignity and some resistance to criticism, so to the rich class they’re just disgusting trash who doesn’t know how to properly make them feel superior. I, on the other hand, only listen, comfort them and never raise my own problems, will apologize even if I did everything as told, will listen to baseless berating, accept blame even when I did everything right, work tirelessly for their tiniest whims, anticipate what they want done before they say it, and tolerate insane demands like it’s normal. (Most of the social service people are also so fed up with them, they keep quitting.)

I am angry these people are benefitting from massive brainwashing I’ve been thru, but my survival instincs are telling me that I need food money and to tolerate it. What I really get angry at is emotional manipulation. One of these people who is pretty much the worst towards me and puts me thru gaslighting and undeserved blame, but also tells me “you’re like a child to me” which pisses me off so much. There’s a huge difference with how they treat me and how they treat their children and I’m obviously just a lowlife servant in their eyes, yet they insist to convince me they have parental feelings about me - which they absolutely don’t. They will literally give me some of their old stuff they don’t use anymore and be like “thats your payment for work today” and remind me to be grateful. They also send me on impossible goose chase to buy things they want, which don’t even exist in stores, and even if I do trace down the exact luxury item they want, it’s not good enough, it didn’t please them, and how could I bring them this trash? They will shamelessly send me to return it, and yell at me if I don’t have the heart to argue with cashier who wont accept it.

I’m writing about this today becase now in the crisis things got absolutely ridiculous and I refused to go outside for their luxury bullshit. They’re not lacking food, there’s people with proper protection and training who are bringing them fresh groceries every day, and then they invite me over and rant at me how “the lettuce head was too small, it was barely enough to go with my lunch!” “the potatoes were too small, now they have to throw them away” “THAT IS NOT MY FAVOURITE BRAND OF BREAD” and I was just, dazed, because I haven’t gotten out of my apt to buy groceries in 10 days and I’m living on rice and lentils. This person wanted me to go out, in the middle of pandemic, to buy them potatoes that are the right size! I flatly refused and they actually trew a tantrum, ignored me for days, then invited me over insisting that I HAVE to do the shopping for them, I, as a young person am obliged to help elderly, how can I be so heartless to not provide them with food, I am making them wish to die because they have NOTHING to eat (their pantry and 2 huge fridges are stuffed full), and ranted more about how the other shopping person working for them brought them a wrong type of cola, which apparently is the worst thing that could happen during pandemic. They also blamed me for every time they couldn’t call me for help because they were holding a grudge over me last few days so obviously I was at fault. Then they wanted me to go shop for them to bring them their favourite brand of cleaning cotton.

I flatly refused again because I’m not breaking quarantine for this! And then they had the audacity to accuse me of “taking money when they paid me last time because it was supposed to pay for this next shopping trip to” (it was literally so little money I didn’t even assume it was supposed to cover anything else), and I offered to give them money back, but no, they gave me more inside-cleaning to do, and then refused to pay me for that instead, to punish me for not going shopping.

So yeah I’m filled with disgust! And it this sounds bad it’s basically not even getting to me bc my parents were thousand times worse + violent + i would get no payment ever + death threats, and its hard for these old people to threaten me since I’m physically stronger, and their gaslighting and guilt tripping only pisses me off because I’ll be damned if I take any older person’s perspective seriously ever again. I have lost my respect and benefit of doubt for anyone assuming any kind of authority over me, all of these people’s opinions are lower than trash for me. But I think, maybe this is a likely thing to happen to someone who runs away from abusive family. Getting exploited by the next predatory entitled person with illusion of power over you sounds like exactly what this world would do to abuse victims. And also I wanted to express how fucking gross rich people are and how likely they are to throw you to the pandemic for even the slightest commodity (not that we don’t already know this lol). I am so not participating in spreading the virus even if the rich person next to me, god forbid, has to peel a small potato.

[im-the-punk-who]

Toby Stephens Thirstography #6 - Vexed (2010-2012)

Toby Stephens Hotness: 20/10. One point for every time DI Jack Armstrong is clueless about being a bottom. One extra point for that time he gets in way over his head with a Dominatrix and another for the time he gets tongue-fucked in a diner.

This is another of those ‘must a show be good’? Is it not enough for Toby Stephens to be frequently naked, or singing, or handling dildos, or being topped or having his hair pet, or just having completely no clue whatsoever about what’s going on? IS THAT NOT ENOUGH. ARE THE ARMS AND THE LAYERS NOT ENOUGH. 

Seriously my favorite thing about this role is that DI Jack Armstrong is just...clueless. Zero brain cells. If it were possible to have negative brain cells, DI Jack Armstrong would possess them. And yes I have to use his full name because I just like the way it sounds. 

He’s so dumb. I love him so much. My tiniest, dumbest child.

Tasty Tidbits below the cut, as always. Plus, Outtakes: Incorrect Sitting Edition!

Plot: 5/10 There...there is no plot.

Toby plays the main police detective in this semi-procedural cop comedy. There’s no real overarching plot, it’s just an episodal show of DI Jack Armstrong being a fucking idiot and the people who are subjected to him along the way. Kate Bishop to receive an actual caring husband for her efforts, Georgina Dixon to be canonized. 

Watchability: 2/7 or 9/10, there is no in between and it really only matters how drunk you are.

Vexed is the sort of show you can only watch with all of your brain cells turned off and a thick piece of blue tape over your critical lens. 

It has sort of a live action family-guy type vibe. I say, having watched very little actual family guy but having been inundated with it through pop culture. (This is a very on brand way to describe Vexed because that’s basically how DI Jack Armstrong rolls through life. Just kind of assuming he’s right and doubling down when he’s called out for it.)

Listen IF you can watch it, this is an incredibly entertaining role for Toby Stephens, and also a great thirst role as he is...constantly in bed with someone. Every time I rewatch it I love it more because it’s just...fucking silly and charming and brain off head empty entertainment. But I’m gonna say it again, don’t go into this thinking you’re watching any sort of high brow shit. You’re gonna be offended, everyone is going to do, or be, absolutely terrible, and you will likely have to leave the room at least once screaming really?!?!? 

That said I first watched this exclusively while drunk at 2am and I was literally laughing so loud I know I woke my neighbors because this show is...it’s terrible. I’m not sure if I want to give the writers credit for knowing how bad what they were writing was, but it’s almost impossible not to. 

Anyway Toby said it best: 

“I loved it! It was almost a vacation, I had so little to do. Jack is so awful at his job that he has no clue what’s going on: my character was even less informed than me.”

No thoughts, head empty, and enjoy, pirates. 

Warnings: 

Warnings for....just about everything imaginable. Seriously, everything. The biggest ones are rampant ableism and sexism - I think the only ones it doesn’t hit are there isn’t any graphic sexual assault, no animals die, and it’s not very heavy on gore, but everything else gets at least one episode to be addressed. If anyone needs specific warnings I’m happy to provide them but there are really too many to list.

Where to Watch:

This is on Netflix in the US, and I believe a few other countries, and also available through Acorn(free trial if you have access to Prime.)

[soul-music-is-life]

Hey!!!! I was wondering if you could do like the tiniest Drabble of em and Ali finding out their having another baby? That Ali’s pregnant with Sam?

The lovely people in my asks: “Emison prompts please?”

Me: *re-emerges years after apocalypse, sees asks are still in inbox, waves arms around in vast wasteland shouting* “DID SOMEONE SAY EMISON?”

You all have been asking for quite some time. Sorry the delivery has taken forever. Apparently the package got lost in the mail. Or the delivery driver read it and liked it and decided they wanted to keep it all to themselves. 

Seriously though, I haven’t forgotten about you all. I think about my PLL fam often. The state of the world has been a bitter pill to swallow for a lot of people, especially during quarantine. It’s an isolating time. I know the importance of needing an escape. I’ve been working on my Emison fics “The Dawn of Autumn” and “The Heart of Beacon Heights” but haven’t done a little ficlet in ages. I have so many sweet and loyal people who still follow me despite my years of fictional torture. And I just wrote this fluff as a thank you. Hope that it brings a little light into the world. We need more of that good light.

This is unedited. I wrote it in about half an hour at 2 in the morning, so if you find mistakes please send your notes to my inner critic. She will deal with them promptly.

***

Alison was hunched over on the edge of the bed, her knees bouncing as she anxiously tapped her feet against the carpet. She rubbed her palms against her jeans and exhaled a heavy breath.

Not many things made her nervous. She’d gone through a lot over the years. It had helped her develop a heavy outer armor. She had learned how to face adversity with her head held high. She had gone through a tremendous amount of growth with the help of Emily’s love and the love of their children. And several years of therapy.  

Her most recent session had her opening up about her fears and insecurities as a mother, and about whether or not she wanted to carry another child.

She felt the bed shift and then felt a comforting hand in between her shoulder blades.

Emily’s warmth was a force in her life that nothing else had ever come close to. Nothing compared to the way she felt about her wife.

The brunette was always there to calm her nerves. Every time. They’d been faced with some incredibly hard times. They’d endured a lot.

Even after everything had settled down...after all the torture had stopped...after they’d found their bliss...things still weren’t perfect.

They’d talked about expanding their family for a while. They’d been waiting until they’d found some stability, both emotionally and financially. After Alison landed her job as a professor at Hollis and Emily got her position at a prestigious swim academy that trained young hopefuls for the Olympics they’d found a stride...a balance between work and home.

That’s when the talks of having another baby had come up. They’d discussed it for months. The girls were old enough that they’d established a certain independence. And Alison and Emily missed having a little one around. Grace and Lily had stopped wanting to cuddle after they started middle school. They missed it.

Emily wanted to carry, so they’d gone through the process. They’d tried several times. The first time it didn’t take. The second time it took, but after six weeks they’d lost the baby.

It had been difficult to waver. Emily had wanted to try one more time, but after some routine testing her doctor discovered that she had uterine damage that made it very unlikely that she’d ever be able to carry a child to term. It had gone undiagnosed previously, but they found out it was from ill-effects from the torture she’d endured over the years.

That had left them with the choice of adoption or giving Alison the opportunity to carry.

Emily didn’t want to push her into it. She knew that Alison didn’t have fond memories of her previous pregnancy. She knew that having the twins had damaged her psychologically. So she didn’t ask.

They’d been laying in bed looking at adoption brochures one night when out of the blue Alison told Emily that she was open to the idea of carrying the baby. She’d been working through a lot of her past in therapy and she thought she was ready for the next step.

“Are you sure?” Emily had gently taken the brochure out of Alison’s hand. She would love any child that came into their lives. She didn’t want Alison to feel pressured. “You’re sure you’re ready?”

“I wasn’t at first. But I can’t let my past control me forever. There’s something about this...” She’d chewed on her lip.

Color flushed her cheeks and she smiled softly. The same vulnerable smile that Emily had seen hundreds of times when they were in high school. The smile that was reserved for her. And her alone.

“I know what happened with Lily and Grace wasn’t...we didn’t exactly ask for it or plan it. But I wouldn’t trade those girls for anything.”

“If Grace keeps mouthing off to her teachers I might consider trading her.” Their wild child was constantly in some kind of trouble.

Alison laughed. She appreciated Emily’s unwavering sense of humor. It helped calmed her racing mind.

“You know, that pregnancy...God, it was so hard...”

“I know.” Emily took her hand and peered at her with a soft expression.

It was a look that could only be shared and understood between the two of them. Because they both knew what it was like to have choices taken away from them...to have things thrust upon them that could never be completely overcome. It was something they would live with for the rest of their lives. But they shared that pain. They’d gone through that tumultuous journey together.

“I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting about this. And even though the pregnancy with the twins...it...it nearly destroyed me...”

Emily saw her retreating into herself sometimes when she thought back over those memories. But there was something different in her expression tonight. A newfound sense of confidence. It’s like she had chosen a direction, and she knew exactly where she was going.

“This isn’t the same. I...I want this. We’ve wanted this for so long, Em. And I realized that I actually have a choice this time. And it clicked. That’s what’s important to me. I...” she’d paused and then looked up at Emily, “WE...we get to make the decision this time. And that’s the biggest difference.”

She had watched Emily with their girls over the years, and she had fallen even more in love with her than she realized was possible. She was a beautiful person and a beautiful mom. And Alison woke up every morning thankful that someone like Emily loved someone like her.

Their family had started out from a broken place, but they’d picked up the pieces together and they’d created something beautiful along the way. And Alison wanted more of that.

She had threaded her fingers between Emily’s, interlocking their hands. She’d put her other hand on top of their joined fingers.

“I want to do this for us. I want to have our baby.”

Emily had been completely speechless. Alison was constantly surprising her with her courage and the depth of her strength. How was it possible she’d taken for granted just how incredibly resilient the blonde was? She looked at her and she saw the epitome of determination. A fighting spirit.

She was certain she’d never loved her more.

“I love you so much.” Emily turned towards Alison with a watery smile. She reached up and placed her palm against the side of Alison’s neck, leaning forward to capture her lips.

Alison could feel her emotions in her movements. She could feel it in the way that Emily gently stroked her cheek and brushed her hair aside.

“I love you, too.” Alison pulled back, tears of joy in her eyes.

There were moments in life that defined certain unspoken love between two people. There were moments that put them in a world all to themselves, where all there was...all that existed...was their love. Sometimes words were meaningless. Sometimes it was quiet little moments that people shared in which the most powerful exchanges of love were experienced.

Emily gently cupped Alison’s face and kissed her forehead tenderly. The warm smile on Emily’s face had sparked an even deeper meaning behind Alison’s choice. She looked at her wife and she saw pure joy. And she felt pure joy. She looked at Emily and she knew that everything was going to be okay. She knew that no matter what...they were going to be okay.

She had the most loyal woman in the world by her side. It had stripped her of her nerves that night. She knew they’d made the right decision for their family. In an odd way, it had taken the looming pressure of her past off of her.

But that had been months ago. Months before the fertility treatments and the hormone injections and the IVF procedure. That had been months before she’d started hoping and wishing. Months before she’d started picturing their child. What their baby would look like. How much her heart would melt when she saw their baby for the first time...first smile...first laugh. She started picturing what they wanted.

And now she was terrified they wouldn’t get it. They’d already had two failed attempts. Could they survive a third? They had spent their entire lives waiting for the other shoe to drop. Any time something good happened in their lives they were inevitably faced with something bad that ripped their happiness away from them.

When they’d bought the test Alison had felt her anxiety rising. The nerves had returned.

She glanced over at the pregnancy test on the edge of the dresser. She’d been shaking so much after she’d taken it. Emily had led her to the bed and made her sit down and take several deep breaths. She didn’t want Alison to stress herself into an anxiety attack.

They’d set the timer and had been waiting together. It felt like it was taking an eternity. The last time she’d taken a pregnancy test she’d been physically repulsed at the idea of having a child. But this time she was experiencing a painful worry that she wouldn’t have a child.

Emily could feel Alison’s tension underneath her touch. She wrapped her arm around Alison’s shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. She kissed her temple.

“Ali, relax.” She pulled her close. “Whatever the outcome...we’re in it together, okay?”

Alison nodded nervously. Her mouth felt dry and sticky. She reached for the bottle of water that Emily had brought to her and took a sip.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so impatient waiting on test results.” Alison curled her toes against the carpet.

“Remember when we were waiting on the girls’ placement tests?” Emily tried to take Alison’s mind off of the ticking time.

“Don’t remind me.” Alison scoffed.

Grace had tried to cheat by writing the answers on the back of her water bottle label. It was actually ingenious. If she put half as much energy into her school work as she spent trying to get around her school work she’d be at the top of her class with her sister.

“I thought Lily was going to have a nervous breakdown waiting for those results.” Emily reminisced.

Lily had always been their studious child. She was introspective and as sharp as a tack.

“What did we do to calm her down?” Alison asked.

“We rubbed bourbon on her gums and sang her to sleep just like when she was teething as a baby.” Emily waggled her brows with a grin.

Alison playfully smacked Emily’s arm. She’d forgotten all about when the girls were teething. That had been hell. But it had been worth it. There had been moments that her innocent little babies looked up at her with wide-eyed wonder that she’d never seen before. And it made her feel serene. She couldn’t wait to feel that again.

“Pretty sure we bought her a cell phone and told her to obsess over social media like a normal child,” Emily said. She shook her head. “That child and her test anxiety...I swear.” She glanced at Alison with a lighthearted smile. She poked Alison. “Wonder where she gets that from.”

“You know, we’ve spent so much time teaching them about the importance of rising to the occasion and passing their tests with flying colors. But this is the one test I wouldn’t want Lily and Grace to pass.” 

Emily made a face.

“God, we’re almost at the point where we need to sit down and have that conversation with them, aren’t we?”

“That’s all you. I handled the potty training. You handle the ‘don’t have sex or else your mothers will kill you’ thing.” Alison smiled.

“Or...we could teach them to be responsible about it. I’m not into scare tactics. They tend to have the opposite effect on people.”

Alison nodded in agreement. She’d certainly rebelled against her parents when they’d told her not to do things. Emily had, too.

“Whatever works. As long as we keep them off the pole and they don’t come home pregnant.”

“What a charming thought. You’re such a romantic.” Emily rolled her eyes, gently bumping against her with a playful smile.

“They’re good girls.” Alison felt herself relaxing. Her children had a way to her heart. “You think they’ll be okay with all of this?”

They’d spoken with the girls about the fact that they were trying to have another baby, but Lily and Grace had sort of waved it off like it wasn’t a possibility. Then again, they were just coming into their own as young teenagers, so they rarely listened to a word their mothers said.

“They’ll be fine,” Emily dropped her hand to Alison’s back and rubbed circles against the tension she was carrying.

Alison reached out and touched Emily’s knee, commanding her attention, drawing Emily’s eyes towards hers. Her lips twitched. A loving smile washed across her face.

“I really love you, you know.” She let out a content sigh.

“Well, I would hope so considering we’re married.” Emily grinned at her.

She got a lot of joy out of teasing Alison. She liked to see the spark in her eyes when she was flustered.

“Seriously.” Alison moved her palm up against Emily’s side, her fingers resting against her ribs. “I don’t think I realized how little I knew about love before you and the girls came into my life. It’s so much bigger than I ever knew. Have I ever thanked you for being so wonderful?”

“You don’t have to thank me for loving you, Alison. It is the most natural thing in the world for me.” Emily leaned over, their lips meeting for a chaste kiss. “I would do it over every time.”

“Maybe with a little less torture.” Alison added.

Emily chuckled.

Alison glanced at the timer. She watched as the clock rolled backwards from the sixty second mark. She felt her stomach tightening up in knots. Her heart started hammering in her chest. Her palms felt clammy.

“Breathe, sweetheart.” Emily tugged her into another hug, resting her chin on top of Alison’s head.

“I can’t believe how much I really want this,” she uttered under her breath.

It had been different with Lily and Grace. She certainly loved her little girls, but that pregnancy had been hell for her. She felt like she’d been alone on an island in the middle of a hurricane. She remembered feeling like her lungs were filling with water. But this time she felt like she was jogging along a beautiful beach...pushing desperately to reach a perfect destination with Emily in sync with her every step...right beside her.

She reached for Emily’s hand just as the timer beeped. Her head whipped towards the test on the dresser, but she looked away at the last second.

“I can’t look.” Alison shifted her feet and stood up, turning away from the dresser. She glanced at Emily. “Would you...”

Emily nodded, not needing to be prompted. She walked over to the test and picked it up to observe it.

Alison looked at her in anticipation, eagerly rubbing her hands together and licking her lips.

Emily pressed her lips together in thought, tilting her head with a furrowed brow, her eyes narrowed in concentration. Her mouth was twisted. Her nose was crinkled.

“Oh.” Alison felt deflated.

“Ali...” Emily slowly looked up at her.

Normally the blonde could read her wife like a book, but there was an expression in her eyes that she couldn’t decipher.

“Oh, God. It’s negative, isn’t it?” Alison dropped her head in defeat. They knew there was a possibility. They’d been through it before.

“Alison...”

“We...we’ll try again.” Alison cut her off. She reached up, running her fingers through her hair.

She was so consumed by her disappointment that she didn’t realize that Emily had moved next to her. She hadn’t seen the smile on her face.

“Hey...” Emily touched her cheek to get her attention.

Alison froze in place. She saw a glint in Emily’s eyes, a shocked expression on her face. She seemed to be having a hard time finding the right words to say. Tears were pooling in her eyes, but she was smiling.

Emily lifted the test up and Alison took it from her, her heart suddenly beating faster. Because she realized that the tears in her wife’s eyes were not tears of sorrow. They were tears of joy.

Alison stared at the positive test, a surprised laugh coming out of her mouth. Her eyes welled up with tears.

She looked at Emily. The brunette put her palm against Alison’s belly, knowing a bump would soon be growing.

“We’re going to have a baby.” Emily laughed through her tears.

Alison reached down and put her hand on top of Emily’s hand, holding it in place as she let the news sink in. Their baby was already growing. Their child was already carving out a space in their hearts. It was a glaring reminder that as they went about their daily business...they wouldn’t be alone. There would be a little child...a little piece of their heart coming to life.

She pictured tiny little hands. Baby toes. A button nose. Sweet coos and giggles. And the most kissable little face in the world.

After a few seconds she lurched forward, wrapping her arms around Emily’s neck. Joyous laughter filled the room.

“Oh my God! We’re having a baby!” Alison hung off of Emily’s shoulders and pulled back to press a hard kiss against her lips.

“A little you.” Tears were rolling down Emily’s cheeks. But she couldn’t stop laughing.

“Let’s hope this one takes after his or her Mama. I can’t deal with more of my attitude reflected back at me.” Alison sniffled, her cheeks rosy.

Emily looked at her, and she could suddenly see it. The glow. She wasn’t sure how she’d missed it before. She didn’t know why she’d doubted that the pregnancy would happen. Alison had been practically glowing for weeks. She could see a beautiful radiant aura around her.

Alison saw the adoration in her wife’s eyes. She shot her a bashful smile. It was crazy that after so many years together that Emily could still make her feel like she was back in high school, falling in love for the very first time. She still felt like that young kid crushing on her best friend. She felt loved in a way she’d never been loved.

Their hands naturally linked together. They shared a quiet intimate moment. The air in the room was tangible. Alison took a quivering breath, trying to center herself. Emily cupped her cheek. As always, Emily helped center her.

The moment was interrupted by a loud clatter and two squabbling teens.

“MOMS!” Grace burst into the room. “Lily stole my phone and changed the password, and I can’t get past the lock screen.”

“I’ll give you the password when you take down that picture you posted of me when I was being potty trained.” Lily had a smarmy look on her face.

She knew exactly how to get under her sister’s skin.

“I only put it up because you put up the video of me crying after a frog jumped on my arm.” Grace shoved her sister.

They spun towards their mothers to mediate their fight, but then they saw the tears.

Their faces dropped. They shot each other worried looks and then looked back at their parents. Grace’s brow was tight. Lily had her lips pressed into a thin line. They looked just like Emily when they were concerned.

“What’s wrong?” Grace’s voice quivered.

“Did something happen?” Lily echoed her sister’s worry.

“Is it Grandma? Is she okay?” A hint of panic reverberated in Grace’s tone.

“Grandma is fine.” Emily put her arms up in a calming manner. “Everything is okay, girls.”

“Then why are you crying?” Lily asked.

Emily and Alison looked at one another, smiling. Alison nearly bit through her lip in excitement.

She was pregnant. They were having another baby.

“Well...there is something your mother and I need to tell you,” Emily said, glancing at the pregnancy test in Alison’s hand. The girls hadn’t seen it yet. “We’ve got some good news.”

She grabbed Alison’s free hand and they gave each other a loving glance.

“Okay, you two are being weird.” Lily made a face.

Emily couldn’t help but laugh. Her little Lily was ever the cynic.

“You know how we’ve been talking about expanding our family?” Alison asked.

“Oh, are we finally getting a dog?” Grace lit up in excitement. 

“Not exactly,” Emily said. Though, that was on the table, too. The girls had been begging for a dog for years.

“Girls...”

Alison moved forward, gripping the test in her hand like a lifeline. She glanced at Emily again before facing Lily and Grace, who were looking at her eagerly.

“Your mother and I...we’re...” She felt a fluttering sensation in her chest. A warmth.

Seconds later Emily was next to her, her arm around her shoulder. Alison smiled at her.

“We’re having a baby.” She held up the pregnancy test. “I’m pregnant.”

There was a quiet pause, but then both girls gasped in delight.

“You’re pregnant?” Lily’s face brightened. Her jaw dropped. She had a huge smile on her face.

“Yeah.” Alison still couldn’t believe it herself.

“For real? We’re going to have a little sister?” Grace asked.

“Or brother,” Lily said. She threw her hands up and squealed. “This is so exciting. Finally, a sibling that will be a much less pain in the ass.”

“Oh, you wish. This kid is so going to like me better.” Grace scoffed. She looked at Alison. “Is that the test?”

“Mmmhmm.” Alison nodded, extending it out to Grace.

Grace didn’t even bother to grab it from the sterile end. She was too caught up in the moment. She looked at the positive result.

“This is super cool.” Grace smiled. She looked at Lily. “Check it out, Lil. Proof that someone else in this family is going to be cooler than you.”

“You know she peed on that, right?”

“Ew.” Grace suddenly held the test out like it was dynamite, handing it back to her mother.

“So...” Lily looked at Alison curiously. “Can you feel the baby yet?”

“Not yet. But we’ll get there.”

“I read that sometimes if you touch someone’s belly when they’re pregnant that you can feel things. Can we try?” Grace asked.

Alison and Emily laughed. They were overjoyed when the twins reached out to touch Alison’s stomach. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t very far along yet. The sentiment behind the bonding was real.

“That’s our little brother or sister in there.” Lily grinned, her palm on Alison’s stomach.

“What if it’s both?” Grace smirked.

“Don’t even joke about that.” Alison laughed.

But she didn’t hate the idea. It wouldn’t be easy having four kids, but she wouldn’t be upset if it happened.

“This is amazing.” Lily looked up at her mothers, a sincere expression on her face. “We know you’ve been trying...”

“Yeah. And we’ve been hoping this would happen.” Grace added.

“I know we give you guys hell sometimes, but you’re really amazing moms. And this baby is very very lucky to have you.” Lily smiled.

“To have us.” Grace corrected her.

Normally, Lily didn’t like it when Grace corrected her, but it didn’t bother her in this instance. She leaned into her mothers, wrapping them in a hug. Grace followed suit, embracing them all.

Emily and Alison smiled at one another as they bathed in their family’s affection. There was nothing quite like having a home in the hearts of the people you loved most, a safe place in the storm of life. They didn’t love anyone in the world like they loved their children. Their lives had only just begun after Lily and Grace were born. And they couldn’t wait for the next chapter.

They couldn’t wait to see the ways in which this baby was going to change their lives for the better, to complete their family.

[emily-strange]

Second Chances

Sooo I’ve already had some sh*t from people about how I’m portraying Abigail. I won’t be sharing those responses because as I’ve said before, this won’t be a ‘lets bag on Abigail story’ all the way through but at the end of the day, it is a John x Reader fic so….

Sadly I lost a family member recently in a tragic accident and along with lockdown, I’ve been pretty down in the dumps and avoiding tumblr. I’ve started to write again so I hope you enjoy this short chapter to get me going.

Always open to constructive criticism :)

Tagging @porkchop-ao3​ @redeadepression and @lucacangettathisasss who asked but if you’d like me to stop let me know :)

For the premise of this story, Jack is a little bit younger. I just can’t hurt that boy’s feelings!

Summary: You’re Sadie Adler’s 18 year old daughter who was visiting when the O’Driscoll’s attack. How will you cope with gang life and your increasing feelings for someone who, on the surface, isn’t up for grabs?

Pairing: John Marston x female reader

Warnings: None.

Chapter 3

You’re trying. You’re really trying.

But so far, other than her obvious love for her son, there just isn’t anything you like about Abigail.

For example, you overheard a conversation between her and Dutch earlier where she complained that Jack was never left enough food after everyone took their share. That alone wasn’t the issue. The problem you had was that when Dutch suggested the solution of John taking less, she made no argument.

From what you’ve seen, John takes the tiniest amount of food as it is.

You’d noticed it when you’d gone to get some from you and your mother the other night. He made it to the pot just before you and in his usual John awkwardness, asked if you wanted to go first. You smiled and shook your head and he took one spoon full.

The sad look on his face was enough to break your heart. He was so gaunt.

“Surely you’re hungrier than that John” you’d laughed while filling your bowls.

He’d given a small little shrug with a humourless huff before walking to join some of the men around the campfire.

You’d watched as he’d tried to make the food stretch. Taking tiny bits at a time and making sure to collect everything left in the bowl with his finger.

So yes, that along with her constant coddling of your mother was enough to make you bristle every time she was near.

It’d been a week since your chat with John at the cliffs edge and you’d decided to stay in camp to try and help your mother a bit more. And to get Abigail off your ass. You’re glad your mother has a friend but it is starting to grate on you.

Thankfully your mother has seemed to notice your annoyance and had thanked you for making the money you had out of camp. She’s always been intuitive your mother.

So currently you’re sat washing clothes with Tilly and Mary-Beth watching Jack poke and play with the campfire.

“Can I ask you girls something?” you say quietly, drawing the others attention.

“Go right ahead” Tilly answers.

You stop for a moment wipe the sweat from your brow, still looking at Jack.

“Do you….I mean….is….” you fumble for the right words, not wanting to cause any offence or potential dislike. Dislike for you that is.

“Just ask,” Mary-Beth says following your line of sight, “we won’t tell anyone.”

You look to both women and see how they’re smirking.

“Does Jack look like John to you?” you say bluntly.

Both women look to each other and Tilly gestures with her hand for Mary-Beth to continue.

“Well, frankly, no. He don’t.” she then lent in and whispered, “I’ve always thought he looked like Dutch to be honest.”

Tilly started laughing, “Oh he does not. I don’t see no one but Abigail in that boy.”

“But he has to have a father.” You say seriously and catch sight of John talking with Arthur at the edge of camp. Tilly brings your attention back.

“Look,” she starts, taking a deep breath, “I love Abigail. We all do. She’s a good mother and a hard worker. We all had to do things once upon a time to keep ourselves goin’ and I fer one think no less of her for that.”

You nod along because you don’t either. You really don’t. You know you were lucky to grow up how you did. A loving mother and father with a roof over your head. Never an empty belly or a mean word said.

You’d never judge anyone for doing what they do to survive.

“But to answer the question you ain’t actually asked. No. John ain’t that boys father.” Tilly states before Mary-Beth gasps her name, “Oh Mary-Beth please. We all know it just no one wants to say it. You think Jack looks like Dutch of all people!”

“Then why say it’s John?” you ask feeling a little silly as Tilly rolls her eyes teasingly.

“What was she supposed to do? Tell Dutch she’s pregnant but she don’t know who the father is?” Tilly asks knowing you wouldn’t have an answer, “She was still workin’ when she found out. But was also kinda seein’ John. He didn’t mind….”

“They was always kinda……explosive” Mary-Beth jumps in emphasising her words with hand gestures.

“Exactly.” Tilly continues, “But, that’s who I think Jack’s real pa is. One of them clients.”

You nod then shake your head, remembering your previous point, “But that doesn’t explain John…”

“She was workin’ and sometimes seein’ John. So…..he was the only real option” Tilly finishes and starts washing again when she spots Mrs Grimshaw across from camp. She tips her head in the same direction to silently tell you both to start working again.

You work in silence for a few minutes when Mary-Beth says quietly, “She does love John though….in her own way.”

You nod and carry on scrubbing when you spot Abigail storm up to John after Arthur leaves. You can tell she’s quietly shouting at him and he just looks so defeated. Suddenly she pulls her arm back and swings, colliding with his face in an echoing slap.

“Yeah” you say lowly, “In her own way."