#but somewhere down the line someone married someone important or someone who became important

[nobodieshero-main]

i am thinking about ariad today.....just some. random fucking guy who happened to have a talent for potions. his best friend is an 8 year old. he falls in love and then gets betrayed. he meets the platonic love of his life when he's half-dead in the bleeding valley. he's allergic to pollen. he can't mould clay to save his life so thala puts him in charge of sales. he sucks at customer service. he witnesses the death of an entire race knowing that he's partially responsible. he can't ride a horse. he's so pretty he once caused a traffic incident. he has brutal nightmares. he sleeps half the day away. he's atlas's ancestor.

[okinawanoumi]

I and Mother (1-2)

I quit my job seven years ago at the age of 43.

Mother was 79 years old. It was four years after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

Her condition was not bad enough for me to quit the company. She could do everything except for cooking. However, every morning when she  dropped me off at the front door, she always asked me, ``Are you coming home late again today?''  I saw tears in her eyes.

My life was spinning like a guinea pig pawn. I almost always took the last train home, and I spent a quarter of the year on business trips somewhere.

The trading job I  had was fun, with business trips and drinking parties, and a year passed by in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it, I was in my 40s. The small hole that opened in my heart a few years ago gradually grew larger, and from time to time a draft would pass through it. I'm not married and I don't have any children. I had few friends. All I had was work.

Mother is almost eighty years old. How long will she be in this world?

Maybe five or six years?

Someone can do my job, but  I must be the only one who could take her on a trip. She had asked the same thing over and over again, but she didn't have any behavioral problems related to dementia, so I didn't completely believe the doctor's diagnosis. ``She was lonely without me.'' ``If I took her on a trip for a few months, I'm sure Alzheimer's would be cured.''  I quit my job without thinking deeply.

There were many things I wanted to do after I quit my job. I wanted to read books and travel.

However, I gradually realized that you feel more eager to do things when you can't do them.  Although I had plenty of time, my motivation gradually declined.

I used to make fun of being a housewife, but housework was harder than work.

Cooking, cleaning, laundry. I finally realized that the reason I didn't have to do these things that are essential for human survival was because my mother had been doing them for me.

``Being a housewife isn't done in a day,'' and you can't do housework without doing it.

After starting home care for a while, the house became a mess, laundry piled up, and meals became easy.

I saw the mother sitting blankly in her room with tears streaming down her face.

"Mom," she murmured with tears.

"Mom," was her crying out for help, almost drowning in the white sea of time.

She was the kind of person who liked to move around and do things all the time. She probably wanted to do something, but dementia is a disease that robs a person of spontaneity. Therefore, she can't just find something to do on her own. That was her biggest dilemma.

These blank days probably began about 15 years ago, long before she was diagnosed with dementia.

We were in the United States at that time.  She came to visit me who was studying at an American university.  She came there during my winter break and lived there for two years. I was busy with classes and friends. What was she doing alone? Occasionally, she seemed to take a walk near our apartment, but Mother, who didn't know any English, had no TV or newspaper to watch, and no one to talk to.

Mother's values seem to be more in line with those of the US than those of Japan. She never complained and did all the housework. And from that time on, I was in charge of money, shopping, and important decisions. That's why I decided we moved out of the apartment we'd lived in for 25 years as soon as I returned to Japan. Without even asking her opinion. After living in a big house in the US, I could no longer live in a rabbit hutch. Over the next ten years, I moved three times.

Mother was living in a strange land, not knowing anyone. Her two children went to work and returned home late.  I once forgot to pay the electricity bill and then my sister who came home first found Mother sitting there in the dark. It wasn't until much later that we learned that her room didn't have proper heating and that she had contracted pneumonia, which she recovered from on her own. Her dentures and reading glasses had been broken for a long time.

The causes were everywhere, but without a crystal ball to see into the future, I couldn't see anything.

It's darkest under the lamp post.

I wasn't looking at the person closest to me. A person who is always by my side and surrounds me like an air.

Since then, my mother's life has been gradually heading towards dementia.

Her enormous hours of loneliness crushed her, and she became ill.

Now, her life was before my eyes.

And in front of us was an endless sea of white time.

[audreydoeskaren]

do you know Chinese symbolism for homosexuality?

tw homophobia, pedophilia

Hi again, for gay men there are a couple really well known ones but I’m not sure if they were real or fabricated, because all the articles describing them always cite the same couple sources from Antiquity... I tried to verify them but the only articles that didn’t copy and paste from the same source came across as extremely homophobic, so I decided to give up. The most common and reliable one is probably 断袖 or “cut sleeve”, which I mentioned in a previous ask. I would like to use this opportunity to talk about some tangential but more important topics regarding homosexuality in China though.

As a followup to my previous ask where I said I'd look through some Ming and Qing novels to see how homosexuality was perceived at the time, the conclusion I (unfortunately) came to was that homophobia was very much alive and well in Chinese literature and society. A lot of people like to argue that gay people fared pretty well in China historically by either pointing to emperors who were or were rumored to be gay or time periods where gay sex was prevalent as a form of consumption. This is extremely shallow and also kind of Orientalist in my opinion, these arguments always go for the emperors and do not take nuance into consideration or dive into wider societal discourses on homosexuality in imperial China. If you research homosexuality in Europe by only looking at royalty, you’ll find plenty of homosexual behavior too, does that mean gay people had it very easy in Europe historically?? Not to mention that they usually don’t differentiate between dynasties, let alone centuries or decades, even though public opinion on homosexuality in China (or anywhere in the world tbh) could change very quickly. This is also sort of Orientalist, assuming “imperial China” to be a never changing entity with a never changing stance on homosexuality. Since I know nothing prior to the Ming Dynasty I’ll share some of my random findings on homosexuality and homophobia in the Ming, Qing and 20th century.

Gayness as disease

Nowadays the symbol of the cut sleeve is just a benign historical allusion but historically it seems that it was used in a negative and condemning sense, implying that people thought of homosexuality as a disease or deviation from the norm. The common phrase used for the cut sleeve is "断袖之癖", usually translated as "the passion of the cut sleeve" nowadays, but the meaning of the word 癖 here leans more toward "fetish", "obsession" or "hobby" with pathological connotations. I thought maybe this word had a different, nuanced meaning historically but it seems that it was used to describe what it means :(( The only silver lining is probably that with the progression of language it isn’t offensive anymore.

In a lot of popular novels from the Ming and Qing, homosexuality was depicted as a "perversion" and a decadent lifestyle that plagues morality, and gay characters were often either killed or straightened out by the end of the story. An example of this is the story 黄九郎 Huang Jiulang from the series 聊斋志异 Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio by 蒲松龄 Pu Songling written in the 17th century. In this story, one of the protagonists was gay; he died after confessing his love to the other guy in a very fast paced bury your gays arc which somehow reminded me of the Supernatural finale, and reincarnated as a straight man because of his piety. Thanks I hate it. Pu uses the symbol of the cut sleeve to refer to the protagonist, presumably in a negative manner.

Gayness as power/status symbol

Another thing was that historically in China a lot of people confused homosexuality with pedophilia. This is a global thing, but its presence in China is often overlooked. This could be seen in the popularity of another term for homosexuality, "娈童", meaning something similar to "pederasty". I read somewhere that since the late Ming, pederasty was considered a type of tasteful consumption for high society, along with things like fashion, food, music and art. This was not equivalent to the "cut sleeve" or homosexuality as we know it nowadays, which refers to a personal sexual orientation, pederasty historically often refers to an imbalanced power dynamic where a wealthy, privileged man takes advantage of a young boy as a leisurely activity. It’s more to show off that someone in a position of privilege and wealth has the power to procure sexual objects, gender and age don’t matter much in this regard. I cannot help but cringe violently whenever someone brings up pederasty as proof of China’s historical “openness” toward gay people. Talk to me again when in this time and place you could marry someone of your sex (not a minor) and be considered a respectable couple instead of two jerks with a degenerate fetish (not saying that gay people have to marry, it’s just that the ability to do so is an important indicator of equality imo). Pedophilia and homosexuality are not one and the same good heavens.

I hypothesize that the reason why Chinese society was historically homophobic despite having no religious condemnation of homosexual individuals was the idea that having many concubines and male children was a status symbol for men. Women of marriageable age were seen more or less as commodities and male children could supposedly "continue the bloodline" 传香火 and were vessels for passing down prestige, so having them were of utmost importance to a privileged man. Being just gay or lesbian, however, meant that you didn't perform the "man strong working woman weak making babies" heteronormative family prototype, and was thus prone to criticism. When gay men didn’t have children they “couldn’t continue their bloodline” and were emasculated, when gay women didn’t have children they failed to “fulfill their duties as a woman” and were shamed.

It kind of makes sense considering how being bisexual was never a problem in comparison, especially for men. If you were a rich guy who had both male and female partners, you would still have children and concubines both male and female so nobody gives a shit. Emperor Zhengde of the Ming (reign 1505-21) was presumably bisexual and had both male and female lovers, nobody had a bone to pick with that; he famously liked to fuck around but those who criticized him did so for his debauchery instead of focusing on the gender of his partners.  This is different to homophobia in Europe where same sex attraction was considered evil and immoral in and of itself because of religious reasons, in China it was rather the other practical implications of homosexuality (not having children or a family) that attracted hate.

By the way can we just take a moment to talk about bi erasure in Chinese history. From all accounts of Emperor Zhengde I’ve read he comes across as extremely bisexual, but a lot of people try to make him a gay icon? I mean, he liked women too.

One interesting homophobic angle in ye olde China which I find kind of funny was straight women who wanted to climb the social ladder by marrying rich men talking shit about them after figuring out they were gay lmao. Historically, there were not so many work opportunities for women, so the easiest way to improve social standing was to marry a rich and powerful guy. Not saying that women didn't work, they did but their upward social mobility was restricted because they couldn't enter the imperial examination system which was how men became rich and powerful. This angle is relatively benign and kind of helps illustrate that historical Chinese homophobia was indeed fueled by classism and patriarchy.

Gayness as crime

I used to think that there were no anti-sodomy statutes in China (laws prohibiting sex between gay men), but it turns out that there was one decree in the Jiajing era (1521-67) and one in 1740, and private gay sex was not actually decriminalized until 1957. Same sex marriage is still not legal in China at time of writing. I couldn’t find detailed information on what these laws entailed or how they were enforced, but they’re enough to prove that homosexuality in China was legally punishable from the 16th century onward. On top of that, even when there was no law prohibiting private sex acts between people of the same sex, displays of gay affection such as kissing or holding hands could still be legally punished under “public indecency” or “hooliganism”, which was frequently what happened in the 20th century. 

[kass-storycorner]

Hello!! i stumbled across your works and i absolutely fell inlove with your writing (especially the angsty ones)

Can i jump on the angst train and request a fic with a line that goes "I'm here, you dont have to wait anymore," with childe? Like maybe the reader told childe that theyll wait for him no matter how long it takes (and maybe a sprinkle of argument) but something happened that made the reader be on the brink of death. With or without comfort/happy ending is up to u!!

first of all thank you so much for the request! and it really makes me so happy to hear that you like my writing, especially my angst haha secondly I am so sorry that this took so long, since I saw this ask in my inbox I couldn't stop thinking about it and finished the first part of this pretty quickly - only to be stuck at how to end it (and actually fulfill the request haha). right now i am not really happy with the ending, though I feel like this is the best I can currently do! I really hope you enjoy, please let me know if it was alright haha (also I fear that I didn't really...wrote Childe in-character, I don't know)

Waiting for you

Genre: Angst, Hurt, comfort at the end

Characters: Childe x gn!reader (Childe is referred by is actual name by the reader, but outside of dialog he's called Childe)

Format: bullet points (backstory) + Text (actual fic, answer to the prompt)

Word count: 4324

Content warning: veeeery slight spoiler warning for the Liyue quests, its literally just one sentence and I tried to keep it as ambigious as possible, slight cursing (using the word bitch too, though thats the only instance of using gendered-vocab for the reader, i still wrote them gn!), mention of blood, mild violence, not proof-read ahah when will i ever do that

you can find the fic under the cut, have fun reading!

You and Childe knew each other since you were just little kids – him and his family being neighbours had meant you always ended up playing with him and his siblings, though you both got along the best.

On more than one occasion you both just ran off to somewhere no one could disturb you, your secret hideout, trading stories of great warriors from outside of Snezhnaya you heard the fishermen at the docks talk about.

Most people and children were wary of Childe, he was always the one who wanted to ‘play-fight’, which ended most of the time with the other kid running home, crying. However, you were the exception, always able to beat him or at least have a tie. Your parents, especially your father, hated it when you came back home with bruises on your arm, a bright smile and telling how you beat Childe up that day. He never felt like Childe was someone you should surround yourself with, but he kept quite for your younger years, also thanks to your mother who wasn’t fond of the fighting either but saw how much time with Childe meant to you.

Things however changed after Childe fell into the Abyss.

It was apparent how violent he got after it, even his own family was completely helpless when it came to him. So his father send him off to join the Fatui, which was a very controversial decision in the small town you both called home – most were happy to not have Childe be around anymore, for he picked up more and more fights and became more violent, but even within Snezhnaya the Fatui have a bad reputation, so most people were convinced that he would only become even worse.

Your father was one of those who was happy, but also concerned. Your mother died shortly after Childe fell into the Abyss, so your father forbade you any contact with Childe.

This, however, did not work. After Childe had to leave Morespesok you kept in touch through letters and whenever he was in town you always met up in secret.

The letters you send each other turned sweeter the older you got, changing the feelings for friendship you both felt for each other slowly into a romantic love. Childe always ended his letter with saying that he would return soon and you always with “I’ll be waiting for you Ajax”.

You always looked forward to his letters and so did he for yours. When he came back to Morespesok after every mission he had to do for the Fatui you both would meet up in your secret hideout. This place became your save haven. Conversations, hugs, kisses and even more – everything that wasn’t written in a letter between you two happened there.

Childe was fine with this and so were you. He didn’t want people to know there was someone he loved as much as he loved you, as one of the Harbringers of the Fatui it could endanger you. You on the other hand were fine with it because, even though you had no understanding for why your father forbad you the relationship with Childe, you couldn’t stomach to disappoint him. After all he was your father and you loved him dearly, no matter how much you both might disagree on things.

Still, you longed for something more – with Childe and for your own life. You wanted to travel too; you haven’t had the chance to leave Morespesok past the few neighbouring villages. So, when Childe wrote to you that after his next visit, which would only be a few days long, he was going to Liyue and didn’t knew for how long he had to stay there – you asked him in your reply if you could join him. Him writing that it wasn’t possible and better for you to stay in Morespesok and just wait for him hurt, but you understood. You are fine with waiting for him, you always were.

You were expecting a sad but loving last night with Childe before he had to leave, ending with a bittersweet goodbye. You weren’t expecting what happened instead.

Childe was angry, it was clear to see. The moment he stepped into your secret hideout you knew something was off – how he averted your eyes, how he didn’t return your kiss with a passionate one, like usual. “Ajax”, you purred in a sweet voice, “what’s wrong?”. You tried to take his hand, but he only pulled it away. Ah, that was unusual. He never refused your touch, no matter how angry he was before. “There is nothing wrong, I just was curious if there is something you want to tell me?”, he replied in a bitter tone, not even looking at you. It took you completely off guard; you saw him be angry or sulky before, you two had your fair share of arguments in the past, but somehow this was different. “No, there is nothing except for the fact that I missed you very much,” you told him, but you could feel how you started to become irritated. When you saw him two days ago visiting your family’s shop with Teucer he gave you a warm and loving smile, winking at you when he handed you that piece of paper asking to meet up tonight. What had happened in between that made him act like this? “Tsk, fine,” and with that he was on his way out. You moved quickly in front of him, blocking the way out. “Now wait a moment, would you kindly tell me what is going on here?”. He just quietly looked at you for a few seconds before he shoved you aside. “AJAX!”, you couldn’t hide your irritation and growing anger anymore, burying your fingers in his arm in order to stop him from leaving. “What did I do to make you be angry at me?”. “It doesn’t matter”, Childe replied coldly, while trying to get you to loosen your grip on his arm. “Now let me go and run home to your father and your fiancé, I bet they are already asking where you are right now.” “My what?” you replied with bewilderment. “Childe, is that why you are angry with me? Because you think I am engaged to someone else?”. Honestly, you would find this situation hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that Childe still looked at you with a sour face. “Well, I don’t think you are engaged to someone else; I know you are. Your father was really excited about the whole thing when he told me, he even invited me to your wedding, granted if I could find the time.” As he said this, he noticed how your face was a combination of confusion and anger. And oh yes, were you angry. Angry at your father for telling such blatant lies and at Childe for believing them, confused as to why he would even believe your father in the first place. “Ajax, I-“you let go of his arm, pinching the bridge of your nose and letting out a deep sigh. “I am engaged to no one, never was. I didn’t tell you this, because I didn’t want to upset you or worry you needlessly, but maybe I should’ve done it. My father continuously tries to marry me off whenever he finds anyone, he deems a worthy suitor. I guess he might have found one of your letters, though he never said anything about it, but I can’t explain why he suddenly started to become so interested in my marital status. Every few weeks he brings another person home, tells me I should marry them, for me to turn those poor fools down and tell my father he should stop. Most accept it that I have no interest in them, some stick around for a few weeks until the realise that nothing will come of it, but yeah. Ask anyone, Archons ask your family, it’s already a running joke here.” You expected the atmosphere to become less tense after you explained the whole situation to him, for him to even turn it into a joke and to apologise for his behaviour. Instead, it just grew more tense. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, his voice still being cold, underneath it you could hear how angry he still was. “Because it wasn’t important, at least not to me. Honestly Ajax, I don’t see what the issue is here. I am not engaged and I do not plan to agree to one unless-“, you stopped yourself right there. ‘Unless it’s you who’s asking’, is what you wanted to say. You could feel how your heart fluttered even just at the thought. Childe, however, did not notice where you were going with your last sentence, too

occupied with his own anger. “Unless what?”. “It doesn’t matter, can’t we just drop the topic and enjoy our first and last night in months with each other without fighting?”, this was your last offer of peace, hoping he would finally calm down. But you knew deep down – Childe never was one to back out of a fight. “No no no, continue, tell me what you wanted to say!”, his voice growing louder and louder with every word. “Ajax, let it be,” you really weren’t in the mood for anything tonight anymore and the least you wanted to do was discuss your wish of a future with him. “No, I won’t. Tell me, because I would love to know. Or don’t, you can also just go and choose one of the various suitors your father picked out for you to fuck, I bet you really enjoy it how they are all standing in line for you,” he spit his words out, full of anger and disgust. This was the final straw for you, it was apparent that Childe choose words that he knew would hurt you with intent and it made you explode. “You know what? I’ve had enough!”, you screamed at him, feeling how tears were pooling in the corner of your eyes. Not out of sadness or because his words hurt, those were tears of pure rage. “You come in here, after I haven’t seen you in weeks, before you leave for an unspecified amount of time and all you have to do is pick a fight? Fine, here have a fight! You are unhappy that I didn’t tell you how my father wants to force me in a marriage I don’t want to be in? Boho, I am so so sorry for you Ajax. Really, I can’t fathom to imagine how much you must struggle with this, but oh well, life must be so hard when you keep travelling around Teyvat. Because I really can’t imagine how life would be outside this place, what it’s like to have anything to do. Have you ever noticed, ever realised how much I hate it? Hate the wating? Because that’s all I do! I wait for your letters, and I wait for you to return. All I ever do I wait, wait, wait. Wait for you to come home yes and wait for you to finally be ready for something, anything more!”, the tears were now streaming down your hot, angry face. Childe just looked at you, waiting for you to end what you had to say. “I am tired of waiting! I am tired of keeping us hidden, yes, I agreed to it too in the beginning, but now? Dammit, Ajax. I don’t want to be left alone here when you go to Liyue, I don’t want to wait if I don’t know for how long I should wait. I just- “it became harder for you to speak, sobs interrupting you every few seconds. “I wish you would let me join you.” Except for your sobs, which you tried to supress, silence fell over the two of you. Childe just stood there in front of you, watching how you tried to stop the tears. “You know I can’t take you with me. It’s… it’s not safe,” he said after a while. You didn’t expect for him to change his mind, however his words didn’t make you feel any better… on the contrary they made you feel even feel worse. “Leave me alone,” was all you could tell him in that moment. You didn’t want to have him near you, you didn’t want to see his stupid face or look at his sad, blue eyes. Right now, you only wanted to be alone. “(Y/N)”, Childe began softly, wanting to take you in his arms but the look you gave him made him stop dead in his tracks. “Please, I need to be alone now”. The atmosphere was heavy, both of you didn’t want to part on bad terms but – right now wasn’t the right moment to make up. “I will leave you alone, but (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you with regret about how he acted just earlier, “please wait for me.” You scoffed at his words. Wait for him, again. “(Y/N)”, you turned away, so you didn’t have to see his face when he spoke your name again. “(Y/N), please. Please promise me that you will wait for me, I’ll come back, I promise you and I will make up for this… and for making you always wait for me. I promise. You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice.” At the mention of the nursery rhyme you had to chuckle a bit. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend,

the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again,” you finished it, looking back at him. “Fine, I’ll wait. But leave now.” And with that Childe left you alone, leaving Morespesok for Liyue the next day.

It has been a few months now since Childe came to Liyue and while his endeavours here were more or less successful, what was on his mind most of the days was you and how you both parted. He wanted to kick himself in the arse for how he acted that day, for making you so angry and for making you cry. The worst however is how you haven’t written him a single letter yet and Childe, though he would never admit it because of his pride, was too scared to send you one first. That he should be the first one to send you a letter was something he was aware of but still – he couldn’t find the right words. What should he write? Every time he sat down at his desk, looking at the piece of paper in front of him… he was never able to make it past “Dear (Y/N)”, and even with this he wasn’t sure, maybe “Beloved” would sound better? Childe would’ve even considered asking Zhongli for advice, however after finding out that Childe was just a pawn in his plans – he still considers Zhongli a friend, but before he could ask for advice the feeling of betrayal needs to fade out. And now he got the order to return to Snezhnaya by the end of the next month… he felt so anxious at the thought of seeing you again, not even knowing what happened with you the past months. So in the letter to his family in which he announced is return, Childe asked them, after months of not hearing anything from or about you, how you were. When he held the letter of his family in his hands, he started to feel nervous, it included the answer of your wellbeing. He knew you would keep your promise, but still. What if when not? Reading the contents of the letter, however, made him wish that he had asked sooner. Childe couldn’t stop reading the few lines his family wrote about you over and over again.

You asked about (Y/N) wellbeing in your last letter. Ajax, we wish we could tell you some more pleasant news than this, but we haven't seen or heard anything of (Y/N) for a week now. No one really knows where they might be, the last we know is that they left their home after a fight with their father, but there is nothing more we can tell you.

After reading those few lines, the letter already crumply at the edges from the way he held onto it, Childe decided to immediately make his way back home. In his opinion it didn't matter if he returned sooner than ordered and that was a problem he will face later. For now, he wanted to know what had happened to you, because he couldn't, didn’t want to, believe that you left Morepesok... you promised that you would wait for him. But doubt crept into his heart and his mind - you were so frustrated with waiting, he noticed it before you even said anything that night. However, he kept ignoring it. It wasn't like that Childe didn't also wish for more, to build a home with you, to spend more time with you. The feeling of not being good enough for you, something your father and others in Morepesok made clear to him since your childhood together, and the fear of putting a visible target on your back by being by your side... all of it held him back.

The way back home only took him a few days and when he came close to his village, seeing the once so well-known roofs and chimney of the houses, he took a junction into the woods, making his way to the secret hideout of you two. When he arrived, he noticed how it looked lived in, at first a relive for Childe, until he saw the traces of a fight - and blood on the floor. He was quick to follow the trail of blood, the father he went away from the hideout the more blood was on the ground. Suddenly he could hear a strangers voice in the distance.

"Answer me you stupid bitch!", you felt a hand pulling you up by your hair, but you were already too tired, too beaten up and injured to even respond to that violent pull. All you tried to do was to keep your hands on your stomach, trying to stop the blood from gushing out. You could barely remember what had happened, how you got there. It all started over a week ago, when you father came with another suitor wanting to marry you. Like always you turned him down, saying you had no interest in marriage, this time however he wasn't as understand as the others were. The whole thing ended in you having a huge fight with your father about it, he tried to pressure you even more than usual to take that fella as your husband. It made you sick, you just couldn't stomach being around him anymore. You always wanted to make him happy, always feared of disappointing him. But this? Him asking you to marry a random person? It was something you just couldn't do. So you went away, ran out to the little hideout planning to stay there until Childe came back. You wanted to wait for him - you even got over your stupid pride and sent away a letter for him earlier this morning... and maybe this was your mistake. Carefully you tried not to be noticed by the people in your village, you didn’t want anyone to worry about you, however you also didn’t want to explain your disappearance for the last few days. The man who your father tried you to accept as a fiancé however seemed to have spotted you when you left the post-office. It was already too late when you realised that you were followed - the man made his way into the place that was only meant for you and Childe. After that your memory started to get blurry, how was that even possible it just had happened. He attacked you, you fought back, though the man was just stronger... you ran away, feeling the blood already coming from your stomach. Your body started to become weaker, your legs grew heavier and slower until you fell. Now he was above you, grabbing your hair and screaming. It was hard to even focus on what that man said to you, too tired grew your body and mind. 'I have to stay awake', you thought. It was clear that if you lost consciousness now... well, who knows what would happen then, you only knew it wouldn't be good. You had to wait for Childe, you had to be there when he got home.

There were more than a few things in Childes live he wished he never had to see. Seeing your limp body, blood streaming out of your stomach which you could barley cover with your hand, your hair in the hands of some stranger and your eyes struggling to stay open – yes, Childe wished this was something reserved for his nightmares, not for the reality he had to face now. It didn’t even take second for him to react at that sight, swiftly being next to that man and cutting his hand off with one of his blades, kicking the rest of him away. Childe would have loved to take his time with that man, torture him, make him regret that he was born, but what was more important was to stop your bleeding. Quickly Childe sat down next to you on the ground, using his scarf to stop the bleeding. “Ajax,” he could hear you whisper quietly. “Hey, I’m here, everything is fine, everything is going to be okay.” You desperately tried to keep your eyes open, to look at him. He was a mess, his eyes filled with fear and panic spread across his face. Never had you seen him with such an expression. For only what felt a few seconds you closed your eyes and then – “Hey, (Y/N) hey, open your eyes, talk to me”, you opened them and realised that you were in Childes arms now, his eyes switching from you to what was apparently the way to Morepesok. “Ajax…”, it was so cold. When did it became so cold again? “I waited for you and now you’re here… I waited. Kept my promise.” The last few words came out slurred. “Yes, I'm here, you don’t have to wait anymore. I promise you don’t have to wait for me ever again, just please-“ his breathing was heavy, he ran as fast as he could to the village in the hopes that the healers there could help you, that there was anyone who was able to help you now. “Please, don’t close your eyes, okay?” Before you could even answer him that you will try to keep them open you could already feel yourself slip out of conscious again. All you could say before everything went dark was his name again. “Ajax…”

The first thing you noticed was a warm hand on yours. Even before you opened your eyes you knew which hand it was. “Ajax,” you were a bit shocked at the sound of your own voice. It sounded so weak. You opened your eyes, seeing into those deep blue eyes looking at you. “(Y/N)”, he didn’t sound any better. Only now you started to notice the dark circles under his eyes and how his hair looked even messier than usual. Was he by your side the whole time? “How are you feeling?”. “Better than you apparently”, you joked, weakly grinning at him. He smiled back, rubbing the backside of your hand with his thumb. “I’m glad you’re better,” he replied quietly, looking down at the hand he was holding. “I’m glad you’re here.” At that his smile faded, turning into a sad expression and you already knew what this meant. “Don’t tell me…” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t even supposed to be here just yet and my early departure from Liyue apparently has caused some issues and… well, I was able to stay here until you woke up. The deal was when you wake up or-, well that doesn’t matter now. The deal was that I had to go back and fix the damage I caused once you wake up, which is honestly way more generous than I had anticipated.” You didn’t really understand what he was exactly talking about, you were still tired, but all you knew was that he had to go again. There wasn’t any energy left in your body to hold back the tears that were now falling down your face. Childe cupped your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “Hey, listen,” he said softly. “I promise you won’t have to wait for too long, when you recovered, I will send for you.” At this your ears peaked, looking at Childe with hopeful eyes. “Send for me, you mean-?”. “Yes, this time around I’ll be the one waiting for you to arrive in Liyue and not you’re waiting for me to come home.” At that you threw your arms around his neck wanting to hug him, causing you to hiss in pain. You forgot that you still had a stomach wound. “Careful now”, he laughed a bit at how enthusiastic you were about the news that you forgot your injury. “You promise that I will really join you in Liyue?”, you still couldn’t fully believe that he really was fine with it. “You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice,” you leaned back and held your pinkie up in the air. Childe smiled at you softly, interlocking his pinkie with yours. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again.”

[dodo-begone]

When Somebody Loved Me

Pairing: Yandere!Sir Billiam III x Reader

Request: Sir billiam headcannons 👉👈

Word Count: 900 words

Warnings: yandere, mention of cheating, memory loss (not from an illness or curse- just from the passage of time)

Billiam hadn’t always been the Billiam everybody knows nowadays. No, back then he went by a very different name yet had a very similar lifestyle to now. Back then he was some child of a wealthy family who lost their fortune. Someone… If you were to ask specifically who he was before, he’d be unable to tell you. He’d long since forgotten his assigned identity in favor of a new one. One that he created to get what he wanted. You.

From the beginning, you two knew each other. Your families were close friends, after all. Close business partners and had been for quite a while. Long before you were born and probably into your parents’ childhoods.

Almost every memory you two had was of the other because you two were with each other so often. From diapers to toddling, you two were in it together. It was a cute sight, overall.

For a while, your families considered an engagement between you two. Many things went into it, but it mostly boiled down to the families knowing each other and a way to strengthen the bond between the families. Talk of said engagement went on for years, before and after you two were born. Yet when they were almost at an agreement, everything went wrong.

Somewhere along the lines, some scandal started between the families. Adultery, that’s what they said it was. During the tender years of childhood, neither of you understood what that meant. It obviously had to do with grown-up stuff since it had “adult” in it, but otherwise you were clueless.

Whatever it was, though, split the two families apart. What were once business partners and family friends were now strangers. It seemed that both sides of the issue detested the other. Besides the children, of course, but they had to play their part in this too.

When Billiam’s family hit hard times, your parents could have cared less. Their stroke of misfortune happened years after the “incident”, and yet the resentment from it still hung heavily on each individual who knew what happened.

The bitter feelings were so strong that they didn’t care to mention the news to little ole you. All you remembered was the good times with Billiam’s family, after all. They knew you were upset about not seeing your friend anymore, but the family’s reputation mattered more than some silly, personal relations. You could go get new friends anyways. Like father’s newest business partner’s child. Aren’t they just swell?

Yet you couldn’t really remember that boy you used to play with. He was there quite frequently. The clearest memory was when you two made a promise to be together forever, a childish optimism you had abandoned in favor of other important attributes. You have matured since then, outgrown those sill childish days. Obviously you have. Time has passed since then and you don't play like that anymore. Yes, you have matured quite a bit since then.

Unlike your case, Billiam never forgot about you. While his life was burning around him, he kept hold of the precious memories. They were his ray of sunshine in the storm.

Each unfortunate incident just pulled you two further and further apart. You never knew it, but he was uncomfortably aware of every tug from fate. Each mistake his father made dragged all who were connected to him down. Billiam was no exception, caught in the crossfire of something he wasn’t involved in.

Sometimes he would question any higher beings about this divine punishment that was being enacted onto him; what had he done in his previous life to deserve this punishment? It was horrendous, tortuous, and unjust.

Life went like this for years, though it felt like a milenia for Billiam. He had to stay strong, resilient. It was what he was raised to be. Nothing could get in his way. All of his goals had to be achieved. No, he would achieve them, for they were something he wanted done.

On top of that, he made a promise. A pinky promise. As childish as it sounds, you never break a pinky promise. That’s just the rules. What man was he to not uphold a promise?

And his promise to you was that he’d marry you. He was going to accomplish that goal, no matter what it took.

He did what he could on his parents’ “modest” budget, which became increasingly more “modest” as time went on. Both he and his father had their eyes on the aristocracy, wanting to get back into the upper circle they were so used to. For different reasons, of course. Well, Billiam couldn’t be so sure about that. But he knew his end game well and his father’s didn’t seem to align similarly enough. What a pity.

Clear nights were always guaranteed to leave Billiam hopeful. When a night like that happened, he’d wish upon a star. He would wish to have whatever it took to get back to you. Though it was mostly him wishing to specifically have you back with him. It didn’t matter to him how poor you two were… well it did, actually. Providing you with anything below extravagant would be a crime.

Soon Billiam became tired of the imminent destruction his father was leading the family to. One night, in his early teens, he decided that enough was enough. He was already poor, how much worse can it get? So with no final farewell to his mother and father, he left into the night.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

A Thousand Year Love ~ Ryomen Sukuna x Kitsune!Reader

Okay, I wrote the Reader's name as "Kitsune", but that's mostly because I envisioned a nine tailed fox without an actual name, that everyone would just call her "Fox" as if she wasn't anyone worth naming, despite her rank.

This is a little fic which explored Sukuna's supposed backstory, 1000 years prior to he action of Jujutsu Kaisen - Idk if it's accurate, I didn't yet read the manga, I still have 6 more episodes from the anime, but I had this idea and I couldn't stop myself from writing about it.

Most of it builds up the bond that very slowly grows between Sukuna and Kitsune, then snaps during a scene somewhere around episode 4 of the anime, when Sukuna takes over Yuji's body, and Yuji can't switch for a while, but with enough altercations that it's not exactly the same as in the said episode.

Hope you enjoy this <3

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"What are we doing here...?" Kitsune asked her parents in a voice that was barely audible as she looked left and right at the huge estate's gardens.

Estate? Rather said, palace, since this place was grandiose - Most likely, even more so than the Emperor's own Palace, the girl thought to herself. Everywhere she looked, cherry, plum and pear trees were in blossom, even though it wasn't their time. Statues and little shrines, along with various small pools with flowers, lanterns and lotuses were scattered as much as her vision would allow her to see. Looking up at the estate, she realised just how small she was in comparison to the intimidating and imposing energies radiating all over the place.

"You are going to meet someone very important, dear." her mother spoke, yet her voice wasn't as gentle as usual, rather, it sounded stiff, on the edge...Almost afraid, maybe? It was foreign for young Kitsune, as she has been confined in her little palace her whole life under the pretext of keeping her safe. But it did exactly the opposite, she believed, considering she itched to explore and go on adventures with each second passing. "Who is it?" she asked as soon as they stepped inside the palace...But it was so dark, save for the red, malicious light from the lanterns and candles lit in just the perfect places so it would guide them to the room they had to go to. "...You will find out soon." her father snapped at her, and she could only frown, her fluffy ears flicking as her tails wrapped protectively around herself. She knew something was wrong, and she had half a mind to believe she was brought there as a sacrifice for some War Deity that would allegedly save them from this era of war...Or something along the lines.

After a longer walk than expected, they found themselves in front of two large, red doors, and without any kind of reticence, Kitsune effortlessly slammed the doors open and saw a dimly lit room with a few stairs and a throne where a man with short, kinda spiky pink hair, garbed in a loose, white kimono was smugly sprawled over that royally embellished chair, while tons of gorgeous women dressed in the most luxurious kimonos, their hair done up with intricate headpieces and flowers that would put any living being to shame...

But what is this about? Kitsune was more confused than anything, and she could only step inside the room, slowly and carefully, before turning to look at her parents, who had a pitiful look in their eyes.

"What is going on?" Kitsune demanded an answer, her voice agitated, her body ready to go into a fight or flight mode, her eyes darting rapidly between her parents and the man on the throne whose name she wasn't interested in finding out. "Well, darling...You see...You had to find you a husband. You are old enough to be married, and you can't stay with us forever. You need to have a family and children. You are the princess of the Fox clan, there is nobody more beautiful than you -..." her mother tried to reason, but the young girl wasn't stupid. She understood what was going on. "No. No. If you want to speak - Then speak the truth. Don't lie to me. This guy is strong, isn't he? Some kind of demonic thing that everyone is afraid off. You are giving me away to this guy...To be his...Thousandth concubine in his harem or something, just because you're too weak to take care of our kin. That's the truth, isn't it? Go on, admit it. Stop trying to sugar coat the situation." her nine tails opened from around her in a large, undulating fan, making her aggression obvious, as fire began to immolate the tips of her fur. "SHUT UP, IMPERTINENT, UNRULY CHILD!" her mother slapped her face, not wanting their benefactor to hear his future concubine speaking so foul of him. "You are a woman, and the princess, nonetheless, and your role is to continue our kin and obey your family and husband. Do not speak unless you are allowed to!" but before her mother could grab her face, Kitsune's tail slapped her hand away, and she stepped back. "I am nobody's toy. I will not obey anyone's orders. Not yours, and not his. I will not be just another concubine for some disgusting, good for nothing lecher with no redeeming quality." the girl snarled at them, ready to make her escape out of there, if needed. "If your sister was alive, she would have sacrificed herself for the greater good of this family! You are nothing more than a selfish brat!" it was her father's time to accuse her, which made her ears perk up, while her tails completely deflated. "Yes, of course, how could I forget. It was me who should have died, not my perfect elder sister. Sorry, but you should curse the Gods, not me for that. But, since it seems that my life is meaningless to you, then I will make you a favour! I will end it myself! I'm sure you'll be happy without me, won't you? Ahh...But how will you save our war-ridden? Too bad I won't be alive to witness your demise, huh?" with a dark chuckle, Kitsune's hand went inside her kimono, taking the small kodachi sword and unsheathing it, hearing only the gasps and shrieks of fright from the harem girls. Kitsune could only guess that these girls were all high-born and unfamiliar to the horrible things happening outside of these walls. "What the hell are you doing, you idiotic child?! Cease this madness at once!" her mother shrieked at her, lounging towards her, trying to stop herself from impaling that blade through her body, and yet...

The second the girl launched her hand down to stab herself...She got stopped. The whole place became instantly silent, save for the sound of a blade bouncing down as it fell on the wooden floor. "Enough." a dark, annoyed voice resounded through the place as Kitsune's wrists were grasped by the man's...Front hands? While her body was immobilized in an embrace by his other two arms. "I was promised a beautiful princess as a concubine, and you failed to do as you promised. Leave, before I get bored and kill you." he threatened the two adult fox people who scurried away in a hurry, leaving behind their only daughter without a second thought. "You, however...Will remain here." he chuckled in her ear, but Kitsune wasn't one to be messed with. Her answer came in the form of lighting up her tails on fire an wrapping them around the man, who hissed and unhanded her, allowing her enough time to go into a corner and get in a fleeing stance. "Why did you stop me? I have no intention of being one of your whores. You should have let me end it right there." she scoffed at the man, who dismissed the bottom pair of arms and laughed. It was almost a psychopathic laugh, she thought, and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up - Unsure if it was from fright or disgust. "You amuse me, little vixen. Very much, you amuse me. Having a little fox wag her tails around this place, all fired up, would give some sense of fun, wouldn't you say?" his voice was grating her, and she only wanted to sock him in the jaw. "Keep on dreaming. I'm not your toy, and I'm not here for anyone's entertainment. You have enough girls in this place to amuse you. I'll be going now, and even if you chain me, you can't stop me from achieving my freedom." Kitsune growled at him, slamming open the sliding door that would lead into the balcony, from where she could jump the hell away from there. "You proved you value your life even less than your parents do, so chaining you would do nothing. I have never seen a woman as fiery as you. All the ones I have are the same. Meek, soft...Afraid. Boring. They all like the same things, and hate the same things." he groaned pitifully, evidently bored out of his mind. "They hate you, don't they? You want women, but you don't bother treating them right. Can you get even more typically terrible? Pitiful and disgusting, that's what you are. You just want to break people for your entertainment. You are nothing more than a selfish megalomaniac. No wonder you are in need of entertaining, you are thoroughly boring." Kitsune's degrading words, however, didn't seem to phase the man at all - In fact - It made him laugh. Never, in this life, has he heard anything this degrading before - Everyone tried their best to appeal to his benevolent and merciful side - To at least spare their lives. He was stronger than anyone alive, so nobody dared speak up in front of him. It was obvious she had no idea who he was - All the better - He thought. "Ryomen Sukuna, missy, but you can call me your Emperor." that confident laugh was enough to drive Kitsune up the wall with anger as she stomped to his side and actually punched his jaw. It was annoying - The height difference - As he towered over her entirely, but at least she managed to reach where needed, little miss firecracker. "Piss off." the fox girl growled in anger at him...And yet...He only...Laughed. And he cupped her face, getting his own so close to hers that they could feel each other's breaths. "You. Are. Mine." his grin was so wide and sociopathic that he might as well have had his face split in two. "I will never be yours. I will never be anyone's. I'm not an object. I will not obey anyone. The second you leave me out of your sight, I will flee, and you will never see me again. And if I can't, I will find a way to kill myself. I have nothing to live for, but everything to die for." Kitsune bared her elongated canines at him, and gosh, was she enticing. "And if I get rid of the harem?" he asked, not bothering with everything she talked before. "You'll be a heartless jerk who'll destroy

the lives of so many women." she refuted just as quickly. "And if I don't fuck anyone but you?" he threw that, wanting to fluster her, but the fire in her eyes only ignited even higher. "As usual, you can only think with the wrong head, can't you? There's nothing to you but your stupid little prick. How pathetic. And you call yourself a man. Go die in the war or something." she grabbed him by the loose neck line of his kimono, only to hear him laughing condescendingly. "But darling, that just couldn't possibly happen. I am simply too strong to get killed. Everybody fears my power, why else do you think your parents were so willing to give you away? They were weak, just like you said, and every weakling needs the help of Ryomen Sukuna, Japan's own God of War." this statement made the girl's gorgeous eyes widen in shock...Only to start laughing, almost hysterically. "Oh, bow down to the self proclaimed God of War! Can you believe that! Your majesty, tone down your arrogance, it's gonna get yourself killed! I knew it, you're absolutely useless! All you can do is bark, no bite, little puppy! The only thing intimidating about you is your height, other than that, you are just a generic man who thinks he's all to powerful. How ridiculous." the fox girl couldn't stop her degrading laughing, which confused the man for a while, only to smirk and pick her up bridal style, carrying her out of that room, not letting her get out of his grasp, no matter how much she tried to wiggle or burn him. "I won't let you go until you acknowledge my infinite strength, cute, little fox. But don't think that just because I favour you, I will let you get away with all the shit you called me." his voice sounded darker, more ominously, but it didn't seem to intimidate the girl. "Not in a million years. Not even in your sweetest dreams. You're pathetic and I'll never acknowledge you as anything else but a disgusting, lecherous pig!" she yelled at his face, to which he responded by letting her roughly fall on a soft futon, then crouching by her side and gripping her face just as her mother did before. "Say that again when you'll end up screaming my name as if your life depends on it." he laughed at her before leaving her new room, which she won't leave for a while.

This annoying girl, Sukuna was intrigued by her, but at the same time, he was very tempted into strangling her or snapping her neck - Despite all that fire she lets out, he was curious if she'd end up groveling in self-pity, begging him for mercy, going back on her previous misguided and foolish courage. Wasn't it bad enough that she had no idea who HE was? He also had to endure such disrespect - And even worse - Enjoy it? That little fox bitch was ready to commit seppuku in front of everyone just to prove a point, what the hell else could be more entertaining? All the women he's had were given away by their families as tributes, and none said a word. He was a jerk to them, he fucked them, he mistreated them - Sukuna didn't give a fuck about any woman, man, child, animal...Or any living being in the world, except for himself. All were beneath him - Unworthy, weak, frail -...

And yet, they still lie to his face, trembling as they say all the fake, sweet nothings - "I love you, My Lord" the women would say, their voice shaky, jumping in fright as he'd touch them. He was a rough man, he never knew gentleness, nor mercy, no love - Through all the words spewed by the firey woman, the part where she declared he had no idea how to treat women properly - Yes, it was true, but did he care? Of course not.

Humans were all puppets with whom he could play as much as he wanted - All instruments for his entertaining in this terribly boring world, he would manipulate everyone like dolls on his strings, and when they've exhausted their means of entertaining him, the string will be cut, and the puppets will fall in an abyss of infernal fire.

For the first two weeks, Sukuna and Kitsune were literally acting like a cat chasing a mouse - And each time, the cat would surprise the mouse just as she was about to survive - He was giving her hope of success, only to pick her up by one of her many tails, or embrace her from behind, pick her up, trip her, show up from behind a tree, play with her hair as he came up from a tree behind her, and sometimes, even going as far as to mock her by pointing her the way out of the place.

But very soon, she gave up, and decided to starve herself to death by not leaving her assigned room, ignoring him entirely whenever she'd get visited by him - But that ended in the worst way possible - With her fainting and unable to wake up, and Sukuna freaking out because he didn't want his little toy to die before she got boring.

He laid next to her on the futon, holding her in his eyes, brushing her hair out of her face, playing with her vivid red hair - She truly looked like a fox in Sukuna's eyes, and he almost felt his heart warm up as he felt up the soft fur on her tails, waiting for his cursed energy to heal her up. After some time, he noticed the little red ball of fur getting smaller and smaller as she cuddled into his chest, resembling a defenseless kit searching for warmth, love and safety from its mother. She was so much smaller than him - So frail, so thin, so soft...So cute? - What was it that he was feeling? Calmness? Protectiveness?

He was furious at her for neglecting her health just so she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of toying with her - But that was also endearing, in its own, messed up way? She would go to such dramatic extremes to prove him wrong...It seemed that no matter what she did, it would still make him enjoy her company.

Whenever he'd fuck one of his harem girls, he wouldn't stay over, not even for a kiss - Hell, he didn't even know most of their names - Why should he? They were all the same to him - But he felt such a strong sense of protectiveness over he - He didn't want to strangle her to death anymore - Maybe just a bit of fun, some teasing, some startling - His hand around her supple neck as she looks up at him with her sparkling eyes, calling out his name - Sukuna, Sukuna - Pleading softly, but desperately to him for her sweet release - Sukuna, Sukuna - And he will be merciful, for once, and give her what she wants.

Just as he was caught in his own, sick fantasy, he felt the girl move and grumble, turning on her back, her small hands flying to rub her eyes awake - And he rolled over her, a playful, teasing smirk on his face as he waited for her to realise the position they were in - And yet, she was still out of it, for her eyes were half-lidded and gleaming, she was still weak from her lack of self-care, and she could only look up at him, dazed..."Sukuna...?" she mumbled in a whispery tone - What is she doing to him?! How dare she entice him so much? He wasn't supposed to be attracted to her in any way, so why...?!

"Relax, sweet-cheeks. I'm here." he spoke in a low voice, not wanting to alert her...Wait, what - "...Thanks." muttering that, she let out a soft sigh as she closed her eyes again, the corners of her mouth slightly turned upright as she allowed herself to fall back asleep and rest, not caring too much that she felt a slight pressure on both of her hands, in the form of the demon man pressing his own hands to hers, intertwining their fingers together as he towered over her, watching her chest rise and fall rhythmically as she breathed, her kissable, pink lips just a tiny bit parted. He couldn't stop himself - She was too irresistible, and he was much too insatiable - And he leaned down, pressing his own lips over hers - Gently - Very gently in fact, almost as if afraid of breaking a porcelain doll, as if afraid to crush a snowdrop he just picked from a glade, one just just barely managed to get out from under the remaining, melting snow of early spring. "You'll be the death of me, cutie." he found himself saying as he licked his lips, taking in the sweetness of the kiss.

Since then on, despite not being exactly friendly with the man, the fox girl didn't hate him that much anymore. It even got well enough for them to eat in the same room, or play shogi - The girl beating him at it more often than not, which left mixed feelings in his heart - And then he showed her the musical instruments that the concubines would sometimes use whenever he'd want a banquet and more sinful indulgences. He didn't ask her to play for him, though. He realised that the more he tried to push the girl, the less likely she'll actually do anything he wants.

Even more, the more time they spent together, the more his concubines would get neglected - So much that he was completely drawn to this fox girl and all the other women were completely wiped from his head. - And he started gifting her a bunch of beautiful kimonos, only to find them in front of his room's door, rejected. She didn't want anything from him, nor did she want his favour, so she continued wearing her simple clothes.

Until...

Until one night - It was a special night, really - For the moon was full, and big, and gleaming with such a beautiful silver light that neither of them saw in the many years they've been alive. And Kitsune dressed in one of her festival yukatas and went to the lotus pond, surrounded by a few wisteria trees, as the mirror of the water reflected the celestial orb like sparkling zircons. The fox gingerly jumped in the middle of the sheen, walking on it like a spirit, only her feminine silhouette being seen, as her long hair was gently blown by the warm spring wind and her tails were dancing around her in perfect sync. As her feet moved to the sound of the melody she played on a vertical flute she was given by the owner of the place, Sukuna found himself unable to move from his place on the palace balcony, his sight fixated on the woman's form as she alternated playing the instrument and dancing with ribbon-fans.

Her moves were fluid and mystifying like those of a priestess leading a will'o'wisp to rest into kakuriyo, the land of the dead - what was he supposed to do now? He was confused and mesmerised. He's seen his fair share of beautiful women playing instruments and dancing for him - Hundreds of them, in fact - But none could match the effect this nine tailed fox girl had on him.

This continued days on end, but he never admitted to her that he was stalking her every night, nor that he was completely enchanted and under her spell, at the point of no return.

"I'm going to war tomorrow." he told her one evening as he poured himself some sake. "...Good for you. Finally, more entertaining for the most powerful man on Earth...Or something. Bring me a souvenir when you return, I guess." the girl merely shrugged her shoulders as she took the tea pot and poured herself some tea, not bothering with any reaction. "You're not worried for me, are you? What if I die tomorrow? Will you weep for me?" he leaned forward, taking her chin between his fingers. " 'Course not. You're the one who keeps boasting about how you're the most powerful man on Earth and The God of War or something. Besides - If you die, I will just steal all your money and get the hell out of this place, so I can finally see the world through my very eyes, not through inked letters on paper. I want to be free and fly. Life here is boring. I've had enough years of being home stuck, don't you think?" she snapped at him as she snatched the now empty sake up and poured herself some alcohol. "And what if I promise to take you out to see the world when I return?" he smirked at her, watching her ears perk up a bit at the proposition. "...I don't believe you." she looked away before she could reveal any real emotion in her eyes. "I promise. But you also have to promise to relax around me. You're always on the edge, even if you've been here for a whole year. I saw you play in the winter, jump to collect autumn leaves taken by the wind, pick up fruit after climbing up the trees, and make flower crowns in spring. I saw you get buried completely in snow, only one of your tails being seen, I saw you make fruit wine in autumn, send paper lanterns into the sky and bathe in the lotus ponds. We're not strangers anymore, and I've never hurt you even once. So, do we have a deal?" his hunter-like eyes carefully watched her every reaction, noticing how her bottom lip quivered ever so slightly, before biting into it softly - She was nervous, that much was obvious - And Sukuna was now a pro at reading her behaviour. "...I'll try. But if you go back on your promise...I promise you, you won't wake up the next morning." she scoffed, threatening him, but it only ended up making him laugh. "The little kitten has claws, how adorable. That's fair, I'll let you have that." the man chuckled at her, petting her hair just between her ears, making her close her eyes and blush just a tiny bit. He was finally able to reach her - Not by much, but even this much was enough for him...For now.

For a whole month, Kitsune was all alone in the palace - Or so she felt, despite the numerous harem girls and the servants - All who had to obey her every order - But she refused any of that. If she wanted to eat, she would make food for herself. If she wanted to drink, she'd get some herself. If she wanted to bathe, she would prepare the bath herself - Just as she's always done. However, all this time, she was never in need of company. She couldn't handle people, nor their fakeness and many other useless emotions that would only make them vulnerable and susceptible of being used and taken for granted.

She's been through that numerous times while living with her family, and she wasn't about to let that happen again.

Thankfully, Kitsune never felt lonely, nor bored - However, she realised that she actually enjoyed Sukuna's annoying presence, and somehow, she found herself awaiting his coming back sooner.

"Master came back, vacation's over. Take care, everyone...I heard he's been injured. Can you believe it? Never thought demons can bleed." the many rumours circulated around the palace, but the fox girl only snapped at the gossipers, glaring at them to shut up. But she didn't go to greet him, like everyone else did. Instead, she waited until night to go to his room, and she found him on the ground, calmly drinking some sake.

"Ah, look at this, a little fox found its way in my humble abode. What ever could you be doing here, I wonder?" he chuckled teasingly, as she only looked down at him, giving him a slight head tilt, yet no expression on her blank face. "Are you wounded?" she muttered in a low voice, almost half-wanting not to have been heard...But she was. "Ha! So you heard those rumours too, haven't you? How ridiculous! Me? Ryomen Sukuna, the God of War, getting injured? Preposterous!" his bark-like laugh echoed through the place, but it didn't move the girl in any way. Instead, slowly crouched next to him, snatching down the already loose kimono top from his torso, letting it fall down to his chest, as her delicate fingers traced his chest, arm and back, analysing each and every fresh wound and scar alike. "I thought you could heal. Cursed energy magic or something. What you did to me when I passed out. Stupid liar. All you know how to do is to boast to everyone, but you can't even admit that you are still capable of making mistakes sometimes." her voice was obviously pissed off, but not enough to sock him in the jaw again. "Anti-regeneration magic. I didn't know something like that existed. Gimme a break." he scoffed, looking away in mild embarrassment. "Lucky you. Now don't move, or you'll really piss me off." she sneered at him as she made blue fire light up her palms and focused on healing him. It was then that she realised how good it felt to feel someone's bare skin, to feel his muscles, sore from fighting so much. He was finally beginning to look more like a man - A warrior - Not like some obnoxious, bratty, entitled casa nova. "I didn't know you could heal people. It tickles." he smirked slightly, turning his head to watch her focused face. "You don't know many things about me, Sukuna. Don't even bother trying, you'll never be able to, anyway." she scowled at him, but this time, it wasn't as aggressive as usual. "I've always loved a challenge, sugar." he chuckled boastfully, only for her to frown and look at him. "Is that all I am for you? A challenge?" she asked in a softer voice, sounding almost disappointed. "Not anymore. You've always been an enigma for me. You were fun, that's why I kept you around. If you weren't, I'd have killed you. I have no regrets about killing anyone, reason or not. But you got under my skin. I don't want to unveil the enigma behind you anymore. I just want to know you." carefully, his hands found their way on her hips, just before pulling her on his lap, only for her to stiffen up completely, her hands quickly taken off of his skin, as she quickly snapped her head away from him, her face covered by the long hair that resembled the blood he spilled on the battlefield. "Aww, are you shy, cutie~?" his seductive voice was back again, one of his hands reaching up to cup her face - But she couldn't bring herself to speak - Instead, she just gulped and jumped away from him, taking a few deep breaths before getting out of the room, and climbing up to the roof, hugging her legs to her chest, leaning her chin on her knees, her bottom lip bitten into to the point of drawing blood.

What the hell was she thinking, letting herself getting touched like that? By someone like Sukuna, nonetheless, who, if given the chance, would have his way with her, then toss her aside like he did with all the other women in his enormous harem. Her heart was beating so hard, so fast against her chest. It was a foreign feeling that scared her so much that for a long while, she couldn't help but avoid him once again, going out of her way to only leave her room when she was sure he wasn't there. It didn't always work out as she wished, but she still tried nonetheless, as succeeded for most of the time.

"Are you scared of me?" Sukuna asked the girl one night, when he found her softly shedding tears up on the roof. "...No." she offered a monotone answer. "Then why are you avoiding me again? Do you hate me?" he asked again, only for her to hang her head and hug herself. "I realised that I shouldn't be alive. All my life I've known only two emotions - Hatred and Rage - All of them masked by a facade of complete neutrality, passiveness and uncaring. But, now...I can feel my heart beating. And it hurts. I was so ready to throw away my life, and I knew I would have no regrets. I lived for nothing. I have no memories of anything good happening in my life. I thought that...I thought that maybe...I would be able to feel, staying here, with you. I wanted to feel something good, for once. What was that called...Happiness? Love? I wanted to feel those too. I guess it's too much to ask from this cruel life. The second you touched me, I started panicking and I got scared. I was afraid. Not of you, but of the idea of possibly getting hurt. I don't know how to feel, and I don't think I'll ever be able to be a proper being...But maybe...Someday...I will be able to look up at the same sky, at this very same moon, and the very same stars...And smile...And my chest won't be hurting anymore. And I won't be afraid anymore. Maybe, in the next life...Or the one after that...I will be lucky. Maybe times will change, and people won't be so cruel anymore. I'm sorry, Sukuna. I didn't end up being who and what you thought I'd be. I will forever be a disappointment to everyone I meet." she wasn't sure if her words were directed to anyone at all, or if she just found the courage to speak for the first time in her life - To acknowledge the existence of feelings altogether - But Sukuna understood her. Except for the thrill of the kill and fleeting quenched lust, he didn't feel any relief. Just like her, anger and hatred, for the entirety of his life. How different and similar the two of them really were, he realised, as he went to hug her from behind, resting his chin on top of her head. "You have never disappointed me, Kitsune. You cannot disappoint me. I understand what you're feeling. It's a cruel world, and we are much crueler to everyone around us, including ourselves. If you ever think you have it in your heart to accept me, I will be waiting. Forever, if needed. And if not, I will be awaiting in the next life. Or in the next one. I won't give up on you." and saying that, he planted a kiss on her temple before leaving her alone to watch the same silver moon they've been looking up at for so long. "...Thank you." she spoke to herself after who knows how long.

And she smiled.

Every day passing, she would look at the pink haired warrior, and every day, she'd want to throw herself in his arms, but every time, she'd start shaking, and she'd turn around and leave the place. This whole ordeal continued for well over three months, until one day, the palace was attacked with burning arrows, and the whole place was lit aflame.

In the mayhem in cause, the fox girl made sure to gather all the civilians in the huge estate and lead them to safety, and by the time she was done, she rushed to search for Sukuna, the person the enemies wanted to bring down, once and for all. However, by the time she found him, the whole place was ablaze, the once blooming garden was now turned into ashes, and the Demon God of War was heavily bleeding, slouched and leaning his back against a wall.

Opposite of him, many meters away, a menacing looking enemy who had spears in his hands was ready to throw them at him...And Sukuna merely smirked, defeated, and closed his eyes, awaiting for the impact of his ultimate death.

"Sukuna...Keep your eyes closed." Kitsune's low, shaking voice called out to him, but instead of doing as he was told, his eyes snapped open, only to widen in terror seeing the girl he grew to love, impaled by numerous spears, acting as a shield for him. "K...Kitsu...Ne...?!" he managed to usher after getting over his shock. "I told you...To keep you eyes closed...Idiot." she shook her head as she curled her fingers on the wall, taking a few deep breaths, despite her legs shaking. "Idiot. Idiot. You are such an idiot." "No...You...You were supposed to run away...I told you to run away...I told you...To...Live..." his voice was desperate, trembling, not believing what he was seeing before his very eyes. "Not without you...We were supposed to...Go...together...And be happy...And look at the moon...And stars...Together..." but as she said that, she heard the air getting split by yet another set of spears that go through her tails and torso, making her lose strength and fall over the man she was shielding. With her last strength, she punched back the spears out of her body and crawled on his lap, cradling his body, wrapping it up protectively with her tails, holding tightly onto him. "I never learnt how to fight...I never had anything to protect...Until I found you. I have no regrets dying, if you live. Close your eyes, Sukuna. I...I love you." and just before all strength left her body, she cupped his face and stole a weak kiss.

She was happy. She finally found her courage to act as she wished - With her heart, not with her fears. She was finally able to expel all the bad things possessing her. She died, and yet, she was finally smiling. She regretted nothing.

She was really happy.

"...Look there, Kitsune. Look at the moon. And the stars. And we are together. In this life. And the next one...And the one after...I will find you. And I will protect you. Don't be afraid anymore...Nothing will hurt you again. Until then...Sleep well, my Princess...Wait for me...Very soon."

---------

"Don't worry, Yuji! We will find all the victims of this place and rescue them! You'll see!" the cheerful nine-tailed girl wagged her fluff left and right as she dragged her best friend to the ominous place, as their other two team mates followed soon after, both having different reactions, as usual.

As her shikigami fox and Megumi's white wolf were assigned to make sure no cursed spirit would sneak up on them, they tried to make heads or tails of the distorted reality inside the place - They knew they may be dealing with a Special-Grade monster, but to have power of such magnitude seemed...Unreal...And unsettling.

"Guys, calm down. This is the Innate Domain...Cursed energy made this foul play...But I've never seen anything like...This. We have to move fast, and not split up, or we'll get picked one by one." Kitsune gritted her teeth, feeling the fur on her tails stand up. "Where's the door?!" Megumi yelled, turning around, only for everyone to gasp, realising the way they got through completely disappeared. "Th-The door's gone?!" Yuji blinked, incredulous at what he was witnessing. "How?! We just came in through here, didn't we?!" Nobara freaked out, only to make a short, brain dead dance with Yuji. "Calm down. The dog remembers the scent of the entrance." saying that, the two fawned over the two canines as they let them lead the way, only to find three mangled corpses, one of them having a name tag - It was the name of the child of the desperate woman outside of the place, pleading to the police to rescue him.

However, a fight erupted between the two boys who couldn't decide whether they should run away or rescue the corpses, as closure for the woman outside, at least, and while Nobara yelled at them, trying to make them stop...She...Disappeared?! Through a makeshift hole in the floor that wasn't there before.

"B-But...Megumi's demon dog and my fox should have been able to sense the curse...!" Kitsune then quickly turned around, only to gasp, noticing the bloody corpses of the said shikigami protruding from the walls. "NO! CYNDER!" she whimpered, hating to see her lovely companion in such a state. "ITADORI! KITSUNE! WE HAVE TO RUN! WE'LL LOOK FOR KUJISAKI AND -" but before he could finish speaking, Kitsune's whimper, that grew louder, along with the presence of the demon she was pointing at, staring straight at her...Made both boys stop in their tracks, wide eyed and shocked...And very much afraid.

The trio was sweating bullets, trying to move, trying to get the hell away from there - But Yuji moved first, taking out his knife, slashing at the Special-Grade....Only for his hand to go flying far away...From the impact.

"Megumi, run away! Go find Nobara, I'll stay here and create a diversion! Give us a signal when you're out of here! Yuji can get Sukuna and save us!" the fox girl yelled at her brunet friend desperately as she pushed him away, but a mouth on Yuji's cheek, speaking very derogatory, pointed out he doesn't give a fuck about Yuji's body, and that he won't die, even if his vessel does. "Nope~! Even if parts of me inside you die, I've still got 18 other fragments of my soul! Still, irritatingly enough, I don't have control of this body, so go away and switch, if you want! But once you do...I'll kill that brat before the cursed spirit can! Then, I'll go for that woman. She's a lively one. I'll have fuck with her. And then...I'll claim this cute fox girl that you care so much for!" Sukuna kept talking, and it was creating a state of panic in Yuji's heart. "Don't listen to him, Yuji! I know you won't let him take over you completely! You can't hurt us!" Kitsune yelled at her friend, trying to snap him out of the trance Sukuna put him in. "No, no, no, darling, you're wrong. If he's too focused on me, his friends WILL die~!" the demon kept laughing at his vessel, until the Special Grade unleashed a full blast of pure, cursed energy. "Yuji, look out!" she jumped at him, getting him out of the blast's range. "Stop listening to him, and take care of yourself! This isn't Jujutsu, this is pure cursed energy! We have to buy Megumi and Nobara enough time to get the hell out of here! Look at this jerk, he's having fun. I'm sure we can figure something out." the fox girl gritted her teeth in anger, but before either of them could try to attack or dodge - In the blink of an eye, really - She felt herself getting picked up and slammed on the wall before her by yet another blast of cursed energy - Followed by another, that flew her on the bridge in the next room, rendering her barely conscious. "KITSUNE! KITSUNEEEE!" she heard her pink haired friend's desperate wail as he tried to shake her awake. "...Sukuna...?" she asked, her shaking hands trying to rub away the tiredness from her eyes, as she looked up at him with gleaming, half-lidded eyes.

Before he could answer, shocked that she would call him by his demon's name, and even more, his own demon shocked, hearing her say something like that, she managed to cling onto the boy enough to get herself back on her feet, turning towards the attacker, her big, fluffy tails opening like a protective fan for the boy, as she created a blast of blue spirit fire to try to counter the cursed energy blast from the enemy. It made her growl from the pain, but her mind was blank - She had no regrets - No matter what life she was living, she will only get stronger and stronger, until she succeeds and protects the ones dear to her.

But not in this lifetime.

She wasn't strong enough yet. She was nowhere near her mentor, Satoru, in power. She had no way to compete with him, nor could she protect her friends when needed.

How pathethic.

It was her last thought before the cursed energy took over her, burning away some of her skin and creating even more damage after getting slammed and breaking yet another wall. With the last bit of consciousness she was able to hold onto, she saw her pink haired friend still alive and well - By some standards, at least - And she could merely smile and fight back the darkness threatening to take over.

But...Something happened, for the boy now seemed fearless - And he even taunted with the special-grade...And then he healed his own arm, before going to her, looking down at her, shaking his head. The markings on his face...This wasn't Yuji. This was...

"Idiot." a much darker, more masculine voice came from the body of the teenage vessel as he crouched down to the girl. "You never change, no matter what life you reincarnate into, do you? But that's the charm about you, stupid fox. You never really lose your memories of the past, do you?" he gently caressed her face, feeling his heart beating a bit faster as he noticed she was smiling and leaning into his touch. "You said you'll find me...So what is there to fear?" she mused weakly, before she got picked up bridal style, allowing her to cuddle into his chest, finally allowed to rest at ease. "Let's teach this weakling a lesson and get the hell out of here. The moon is up." Sukuna chuckled as he walked up to the demon, effortlessly punching in the head, slamming it into the bridge, only to smash his foot into its head, breaking the bridge altogether. As they fell, the monster grabbed his leg, but the fox-fire burn on his hand was enough to get his to shriek in pain and let go, as Sukuna jumped on one of the falling rubbles, taunting and laughing condescendingly, as he ripped apart the monster limb from limb before impaling it into a wall, as soon as they reached the watery ground. "Honestly, I'm jealous. I could never get to your power with jujutsu alone. Satoru said this thing is 80% born talent. How disheartening." she grumbled, feeling better already. "There's nothing cursed in your heart, sugar. Let the killing to me. I promised I'll protect you, I'm not going back on my word. I'm not going to see you die again." he threw her up a bit to get a better hold on her. "Hang onto me, foxy. Let's show this sucker how we do things." seeing his infamous smirk on his face, she threw her arms around his neck, holding on tightly, seeing as he did a hand seal, calling out his Malevolent Shrine...And they were back home, dressed the same as they were so long ago...A thousand years ago...And the monster got split in 5 slices, before Sukuna dug out another one of his soul-fingers, and he started grinning even laughing even darker, realising that Yuji couldn't switch bodies again, which made villain jump out of the facility, right on top of it. "I guess...No matter what life we live, the sky is going to be forever beautiful." Kitsune sighed as soon as he let her down, but she didn't let go of him. Not this time. Fears won't take over her life anymore. "And yours is even more eternal than the moon's or the stars." he cupped her face, taking in her beauty for the first time in over a thousand years. "It's been to long. I made you wait far too long. I hope you didn't miss me too much." one of his hands found its fingers raking through her hair, and she closed her eyes a bit, taking in the warm, loving feeling that completely took over her. "I'll forgive you. You did take your bloody time...But at least you're here now. And you're not going anywhere. I won't let you." her hands slid down to the neck of his blouse, pulling him to her level, which only made him smirk smugly. "Good. That was my intention." his charming, dark voice spoke, making her heart beating faster, and feeling the hair on the back of her neck and the fluff on her tails stand up from excitement. "Won't it be weird? Being Yuji's body...?" she asked shyly, as he only chuckled, pulling the same Malevolent Shrine trick, so they finally looked as they did when they first met. "Better, sweet cheeks?" he pulled her flushed to his body, as she got on her tippy toes to get closer to his face. "Spectacular."

As the fox girl couldn't stop touching his face, raking her fingers through his hair, feeling his body closer to hers as her whole body felt hotter than ever before - It was just a kiss - His lips so sweet against her own, his arms, so strong, holding her, feeling her, loving her.

It was only them, under the gentle light of the silver moon, guarding them, as the stars softly twinkled, embellishing gold into the dark sky - Just like this love light up the darkness in their hearts.

Her tails wrapped around him instinctively, as they pulled apart, and looked each other in the eyes for the first time since they've known each other. Her eyes were sparkling with happiness, her lips were curled into a kitten-like smile, and she was glowing - It made Sukuna's heart have a pleasant arrhythmia as he saw in front of his very eyes a sight that he's been dreaming about for over a millennium - The woman that captured his heart - Happy, in his own arms, safe, and very kissable.

This feeling and image were worth waiting a thousand years.

[gswsumyeong]

yo yo yo what is up in here sticks and stones. i have here my boy HAN SUMYEONG ! he is turning 28 in a few days. has been on the island for about 4 years and currently working as the mayor’s secretary for about 3 years. and most important of all is currently a single father raising his 4 y/o daughter han siyang. i’ll be completely honest that i have no ideas for him in regard to plots and connections but i’ll try to list a few at the bottom lol 

umm i always forget this but a link to his wip profile and his background (connections and plots page will come as i have ideas!)

hit the like button if you’re interested in anything or want to plot and i’ll get running to you in dms asap!

tldr

was born to han daeman and kang sojung in seoul, sk

his birth mother passed away when sumyeong was still quite young

somewhere along the line, his father met min hyerim, fell in love again before marrying her and sumyeong was given a new step-mother and step-sister (min nakyung)

growing up he had never been very close to his step-mother and they never fostered a very good relationship. it was only after she became pregnant with his younger sister haesu that things seemed to settle for a while, otherwise, sumyeong was kind of the scapegoat for everything when it came to issues with his step-mother growing up

despite seoul having endless opportunities, once sumyeong was old enough, he took the chance to attend school in busan for law and to start building his life there so he could get space from his father and step-mother

once haesu graduated high school, she followed suit to busan and began living with sumyeong. however, not long after her move down, she got pregnant and their mother found out due to the watchful eye of their aunt keeping her up to date on her precious daughter’s wellbeing

surprise surprise, sumyeong gets blamed for this but out of the love he has for his younger sister and knowing their mother’s temperament, he makes the choice to take the child knowing that both the child and haesu would suffer under their mother’s temper if haesu were to keep it

once the baby was born, sumyeong named her (han siyang), got the paperwork done and left for gwasuwon after getting in touch with nakyung again

he started off by doing construction work. despite the hard labor, the money paid well and kept him on his feet with baby siyang

after a year, he was able to find a new job as the mayor’s secretary, allowing him much more free time in comparison to the construction work. since then, he’s maintained his job and steadily built a life that he’s content with with focus on giving siyang the best and most that he can.

extra notes

sumyeong doesn’t talk about siyang’s birth mother and that’s something he chooses to keep secret. the last thing he wants is for siyang to grow up thinking that she wasn’t wanted and that’s something that honesty scares him.

a lot of his free time is spent with siyang. if going out with any friends or anyone, unless if it isn’t necessary for him to be alone, or not appropriate for children, you can expect siyang to be tagging along unless if he has a baby-sitter for her or she’s at the daycare

he used to be kind of torn over feeling like his life had ended but he’s slowly learning that he can still do things for himself as well. really enjoys days where he’s at home relaxing with siyang

he’s pretty friendly and kind-natured, although this shouldn’t be reflected as if he trusts everybody or anybody. he’s very protective with siyang and makes sure she understands who she’s safe with and can trust.

probably doesn’t seem like a single dad upon first impression. don’t get him wrong, he loves siyang, she’s become his world but also out of certain worries he doesn’t always tell people about her because he doesn’t really have someone he can truly rely on in the same sense of siyang having two constant parent figures in her life.

connections

a baby-sitter? sumyeong pays well lol and there’s a pretty set schedule otherwise maybe someone he knows he can usually call for emergencies when he has to step out for some time

someone who adores siyang? someone who doesn’t like kids? either way sumyeong isn’t too ecstatic about you knowing siyang

neighbors? currently lives in seomyeon (or maybe someone trying to convince him to move to the birch tree apartment complexes)

he hasn’t had romance in his life for a long while. someone who’s interested? someone who was and then found out he has a kid? 

matchmaker, you try to set him up on dates?

people who don’t like him because he works for the mayor or anything that has to do with the island politics and associate him with them? 

people from busan? or seoul? he might’ve known from school?

more ideas i don’t have here but maybe you do feel free to lmk lol

[jd-loves-fiction]

Husband kuroo fucking you in his office please🙄

🌙 Oof let's get this

[13:02] Unlike your peers, who jumped out of their seats the moment the clock struck 12, signaling the beginning of lunch break, and were already out the door only moments later, you took your time. This because you already knew that you’d have to stay in line to get lunch anyway, better to let people do their thing first and hope they’re done when you get there.

You had barely started to rise from your chair when a colleague of yours told you the boss needed to see you, in his office.

Oh boy. No use thinking about what you’d choose to eat once you got out if it was one of those days.

You wouldn’t be coming out of that room for quite some time, you already knew it.

You noticed that the assistant's desk, next to your boss's door, was empty, once again confirming your suspicions.

You knocked on the door, if only as a formality, as you opened it soon after, not really waiting for a response. Better to be fast with it if you still wanted to have lunch, plus your boss didn't like waiting, and you knew just how many lines you could cross already.

You greeted him as you entered, his gaze already where you stood as you did, waiting. He said it back with his 'business tone', the one he used on meetings only as he tried to tip every rival's opinion in his favour. It usually worked, he was a charmer when he wanted to be, you'd give him that.

Even with all the power he had over you, he still chose to be charming, to ask for your consent, to truly talk to you about everything before doing it. A true gentleman, under the 'con man' vibe he seemed to exude in the eyes of some people.

Which was one of the reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place.

You made sure to lock the door behind you, despite it being a known fact that you two were married, it would still be considered indecent to be doing what you usually did in his office at this hour, if someone walked in.

"Did you need something from me, Sir? Or is it, hubby, this time?" You asked teasingly, approaching Kuroo's desk slowly, where he sat leaning forward with his crossed fingers obscuring his mouth.

"Perhaps it's both this time." He sighed, leaning back in his chair as you got closer, legs spread while he turned to you, waiting for to take a seat.

"What's wrong?" You asked as you sat in his lap, straddling his hips and finding him to be slightly hard already, before wrapping your arms around his neck.

"I don't really need to punish you." He stopped himself with a kiss to your lips, before proceeding. "But God, do I just want to rail you."

Kuroo's big hands gripped your ass as he spoke, moving you against him only slightly, only showing you a taste.

"I see-- no problem with that." You gasped as his movements became rougher, but consented nonetheless, moments before he effortlessly lifted you up and placed you on his desk, staring down at you hungrily. "That's good to know."

He moved forward, kissing you harshly as he bunched your tight skirt up to your hips while your hands shoved his suit jacket off of his shoulders.

Both of your movements were rushed and somewhat rough as you began unbuttoning Kuroo's pants while he took off your panties.

He parted from your lips, his attaching to your neck, beginning to suck before you lightly smacked the back of his head.

"Don't leave any marks." You told him sternly. He responded with a pout, trying to change your mind but relented when you didn't.

"So bossy." Kuroo teased ironically as his fingers skimmed your wet center, making you gasp in surprise while he placed firm kisses and licks to your neck before biting your lobe as he whispered.

"This wet already, huh? How unprofessional."

He thrust two of his long fingers inside, simply to tease as you bit your lip to hold back any sound that might've tried to escape.

Just as you eyes began fluttering while your mind drift to somewhere higher, he pulled away, pulling down his pants and underwear just enough to take out his cock, already hard and waiting.

"I can't wait anymore. I need to fuck this tight pussy right now. Been thinking about it all morning, you know? So distracting. Just thinking about how tight and warm it is around my cock gets me so hard so fast, baby." Kuroo said, babbling almost mindlessly as he rubbed himself against your folds, coating himself in your essence, before lining himself up and pausing.

You raised your head, confused, until he shoved his cock entire cock deep in your pussy with one thrust, making your back arch as you let out a soundless scream at the unexpected and pleasurable pain.

A son climbed its way from your lungs to your throat, where it got stuck as you nearly choked instead as Kuroo began thrusting in and out of you at an unrelenting, bruising pace.

"T-Tetsu!" You whimpered, still trying to keep quiet, even as the table smacking against the floor was nearly enough to cover any of the sounds you wanted to make.

"You wanna be loud? I bet lunch break is almost over. Anyone could walk past and hear you. You wanna make them hear you, baby? Let them know who's making you feel this good?" He grunted in-between each thrust, watching your breasts moved just under your blouse.

"Come on, baby. Let them hear it. Let them hear you."

Your hands gripped Kuroo's forearms tightly, nails digging in as you shook your head firmly.

"No? You don't want to give them a show? Don't want them to know what good slut you are for your boss?" He continued to taunt you as you blushed and squirmed. His fingers then placed themselves on your clit, making your eyes widen as he gave you a meaningful look, just before they moved, equally as harsh and fast as the movements of his hips. "Try to stay quiet."

You instinctively tried to cover you mouth with your hand, but Kuroo grabbed it before you could, pinning it above your head and shutting down any attempt to disobey him with a heated glare, your other hand by your side, gripping onto the desk.

You climbed higher and higher towards your orgasm, hyper aware of the papers stuck beneath you (hopefully not too important, because you might've just heard something tear) and of every puff of air he released onto your neck.

"T-Tetsu-u, I'm close! I'm so close, please!" You begged for nothing in particular, with lustful and shameless abandon as Kuroo placed his forehead against yours before whispering, "Then, cum."

Like he had pressed a secret magical button inside you, you did as he ask, closing your eyes in bliss and still while managing to barely make a sound.

Kuroo, however, was just not like that.

He let out a loud and deep groan as he came, dropping his head to your chest to get his bearings.

"I hope you're satisfied. I skipped lunch for you, so you better be."

[sopxhiea]

Scarce

Alfie Solomons X Reader

Summary: Alfie and the reader spend cozy days in Margate while Alfie remains his grumpy self.

Requested by @vieuwer <3

“Are you shivering?”

Winter had always been harsh. 

The calendar that rested against the cold surface of the oak wall showed that the seasons were in fact changing and it would soon feel like the cold would be unbearable. The front door was locked while the seagulls cried out a familiar song, the rooms were warm due to the fireplaces in two ends of the house. 

Margate was quiet, the only sound being the slow music of the seagulls and the sea. Most people were tucked inside the warmth of their homes, no kid was allowed to go outside and play in this weather. 

It had been a while.

Although it had been just over two years since you had moved to Margate, it felt like you’d been there for longer than that. You had been seeing Alfie for about four years prior and even though there was no golden band around your finger, it felt as though you were married to the bear of a man.

There was no noise as you walked through the empty corridors. The house was usually like this, quiet and warm and that became the case in winter as well. Cyril was upstairs in the bedroom making noise as he chased something around the house but that was all the noise in the house.

Certain things had changed over the years.

Alfie had been shot and somehow survived it. He hadn’t let you see him for a couple months but he cracked quick. He couldn’t do it without you, this thing called life. He appeared in the shadows first, watching over you and decided that if you were to hate him because of all that had happened, he would be fine with it but he needed one last hug, a kiss goodbye and he’d be content.

But you hadn’t done that.

He was a silly man, your Alfie. It had taken you a long time to convince him that you loved him the way he was. He didn’t like the way he looked now, with the scar covering one side of his face. He realised though, after months of you reassuring him, that you didn’t care. If anything, it had given him a tougher look and that worked out for you.

“Alfie!” your voice was soft against the air around as you called for him. Maybe he was asleep somewhere in the house but due to the large size of it, it would take you a while to find him if he didn’t answer.

“In here!” he shouted. You shook your head with a smile, in where?

You felt yourself shiver a little while making your way towards the other end of the house where his study was. You didn’t go in there often, he was easily distracted and it was hard fucking against the cold wooden table. You knocked once, softly and didn’t wait for a proper answer before entering.

Unlike Alfie, you weren’t a very warm creature. He was your blanket during winters when you’d wear layers on top of other layers and still be cold. It was a problem with your blood, Alfie had said but your mother was the same way so you didn’t ponder on it. He would keep you warm anyway.

Walking in with the thick robe and the satin nightgown you had on, you smiled at him as he looked up from the book in his hands.Your slippers made soft sounds against the wooden flooring as you made your way towards him. He wasn’t working so you were allowed bother the grump bear.

“Hi.” you said, almost cooing as he opened his arms after putting the book back on his desk. He knew you were coming to sit on his lap and you were more than welcome in his eyes. He was obsessed with you doing that and you liked his warmth.

“‘ello, dove.” he spoke, voice gruff as he spoke.

You lifted one leg to straddle his thighs and sat down immediately. It was easy to ignore the way his eyes caught your bare legs under the nightgown but Alfie was always in the mood when it came to you. He brushed the thought away while you held onto his arms and sat down on his lap. The man was almost thrice your size but you made it work.

Feeling your cold fingertips against his inked arms, he grabbed them and brought them against his lips. He had disappeared after breakfast and you weren’t complaining but you needed your source of warmth during the colder months. 

“Pet..” he spoke before his hands engulfed your much smaller ones. You blinked at him while feeling his warmth spread through your body. “Are you shivering?”

You shook your head immediately but your nails were slowly turning purple. The cold had never been good to you but you were content with the way things were at the given moment.

“It’s cold, you know.” you spoke, as a matter of factly. He smiled at the silly response before moving one of his hands to touch your neck. You were warm everywhere except your feet and hands.  “It’s fine, Alfie.” you said and leaned in for a kiss but he wasn’t having it.

He stood up slowly, removing you from his lap but never letting go of your hand. If it was left to Alfie, he’d have you sleep, eat and basically do everything else against the fireplace, hence why there were multiple of them around the house. You knew he was taking you to the living room to make sure you were warm again and a sigh left your lips.

You started speaking as he led you through the long corridors of the house. “It’s okay, I can ju-”

“I don’t want ya’ to get sick.” he said, a cold hard fact before making you sit down in front of the fire place. He grabbed the blanket on one of the sofas and draped it over your shoulders before sitting on the comfy chair next to you. It was one of the moving chairs and it was Alfie’s except when cyril would get on it to rest for a while.

You stared at Alfie’s fingers that were holding yours, the gold on his fingers glistened as he stared at the fire place. He was a brazen gangster when you had met him. He didn’t flinch when faced with death or the barrel of a gun but he had become your very own teddy bear soon after.

He had changed in some ways. He was not so young anymore but just as full of life. There was a river of wisdom in his eyes, he was still as sharp and good looking but he was much calmer. He had invited you to live with him in the small mansion you were currently sitting in and you hadn’t thought about it twice before nodding frantically.

You’d be where he was.

Feeling you warm up against the fire, his hand came to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. You smiled at the touch but your eyes remained  glued to the fire and not his blue orbs. He wanted to sit next to you but his back wasn’t always feeling so good, especially during the colder months.

Sometimes, he thought, he wanted to die for you.

He had come close a couple times but they all been with the purpose of business or honour. He didn’t care that much for that stuff at all, not since when he’d met you. Women were sacred to him, they had always been but the only encounter he had with the fascinating beings had been in a brothel, up until he had met you.

You were young, far too innocent for him and he knew he had done some very bad things but maybe he’d saved someone important in his god’s eyes and he was given you as his reward. He wished to be the young brazen man he once was but he wasn’t sure if you’d fall for him back then, he was too reckless.

And that hadn’t changed.

“I’m warm now. Can I go?” you asked in a sweet voice but you had no intention of leaving him. You’s stay as long as he would.

He nodded once and smiled at you, but you didn’t move.

“It’s very cold.” you spoke, earning a nod from yourself as you drifted away and Alfie watched you in a daze before he spoke up, the conversation flowing easily between the two of you.

“Yer always fuckin’ freezin, luv.” he said, not letting go of your hand even though you were more than warm now. The fire place was cozy and it always made you want to sleep after sitting in front of it for an hour or so. There had been many times where you’d ended up on top of Alfie, curled around his body and taken a long mid-day nap. He didn’t mind, he’d usually join you.

“Yeah but that’s why you’re here.” you spoke with a childish smile on your lips. You were still a kid, especially compared to him and Alfie knew but you were his best girl too.

“Yer own fuckin’ fire place, eh?” he said, amusement dripping from his words and you caressed his hand with your thumb as much as you could, his hand was twice as big as yours. “That why you kept me around for this long, hm?” he asked and you giggled, he was being grumpy again but in the good sense.

“No.” you said, you knew he was joking but you didn’t want to take that one percent chance of him being serious somewhere along the line.

“Why then?” he asked, taking the serious route since you had just started it. You looked at him then

There were many reasons why.

You were much younger than the man, everyone around knew that and even if they didn’t, one glance at the both of you and it was easy to figure. That had meant different things for you, it meant maturity and the kind of love of someone who knew what they wanted from life and had it in their palms, unlike the lousy young men your parents seemed to find for you.

He had rescued you, as you saw it. You were going to school when you met him, to get a higher education so you didn’t end up becoming someone’s desk buddy like the other high school graduates you knew. He had seen you around Camden a few times when you’d visit the flower shop and the next thing you knew, he was leaving gifts and jewels for you.

But it wasn’t all that easy.

He’d chased you, through his dreams and many months until one day, he was confident enough to take you out. It had been a lovely dinner and a museum, you didn’t care much for pictures and it was mostly Alfie talking anyway. He rambled when he was nervous and that was all he had done for the first four dates. 

Then, he’d taken you to his home, that one day where it was pouring rain and you had just gotten out of dinner with him. He had dried you and gave you a spare change of clothes. You’d kissed him passionately but he’d stopped you, you were in the daze of things, he knew that so he told you to wait until the morning and see if you’d still want him.

It was silly.

Because you did. You woke up and asked for the same thing you’d asked the day before and he willingly gave it to you. He was hooked after that, flowers and dates, countless phone calls that annoyed the hell out of your flatmate were made.

And he was shot soon after.

It was rocky then, it had taken him a few months to heal and a few more on top of that to open up to you. You had gone without seeing him for 6 months and when you couldn’t take it anymore, he realised he couldn’t either. So what if his face was a little different now? That wouldn’t change the love you had for him.

You kept him around because he was your first love.

“Alfie..” you said, in that soft tone you knew made him feel weak inside. “You know why.

He smiled at your words. Of course he knew, but he had wanted you to say it.

It was easy to love him, you thought but you had never been good at vocalising your feelings. It was said in the quiet mornings or the dreaded moments, you didn’t just tell him out of the blue but you knew it would be good if you did.

“I do, yeah.” he spoke and smiled fondly. He knew.

He took a good look at you as you rested your head against the side of the chair he was sitting on. You were glowing to him, you just always were. His finger caressed your cheek as your face rested facing the fire place, eyes closed because you knew you’d miss this someday.

With a final yet long sigh from you, you got rid of the robe and the blanket on top and remained only with the nightgown you had on. Standing up slowly, you let his eyes reek over your body as they usually did, he was a man after all. He didn’t understand what you were doing but at that moment, he thought it didn’t really matter as your hands gripped his arms like they had done in his office when he was sitting on his chair and you laid on top of him in one swift motion.

His chin rested on top of your head as he started speaking. He was saying something about the deals he was making and not too long after he jumped into something else, speaking about the way his mom used to scold him when he came home late. He chuckled as he talked the day away, the vibrations on his chest making their way to your ear and you sighed, happily this time.

“Luv..” he spoke, thinking you were asleep after a while and truth be told, the idea was tempting but just like how he would watch you fall asleep every night to savour the memories, you were keen on keeping your eyes open as well.

“Hm?” you said, hiding your face in his chest and a childish smile found Alfie’s lips.

“You wanna sleep?” he said, knowing the answer before he even thought of asking you the question.

You smiled and faced him this time, hands caressing his fuzzy cheeks as he looked at you, expectedly. 

You nodded.

You didn’t know if Alfie would be letting you get any sleep since you were in a mere nightgown. He had marked the one you were wearing as ‘distracting’ a couple days before but it was the comfiest one you owned. He also wouldn’t let you go anywhere away from where he was sleeping since he knew you needed the warmth so he’d wrap himself around you to the point where your heartbeats would be against each other.

You watched as he got up after you did, too. A couple grunts here and there as you both made your way to the upstairs bedroom. It was usually kept warm during the winter time, by you or by him. Since the weather was freezing and there was no work today, you didn’t see a point of making the day productive. Spending time with Alfie was the most productive you could be anyway.

An hour later, you were laying on your side and facing Alfie as he told you a story about this kid he knew in grade school. You joked and said that it was miracle he remembered since it was a long time ago but he’d brushed it off with a hasty kiss and kept on telling the story. He’d watch you fall asleep that night much like he did on the other nights to make sure you didn’t have any trouble doing that. And he’d know that there was work to be done but he couldn’t get out of the warm bed covers with your hands hugging him the way they were.

You came first.

-----

Tagging: @clairecrive  @parkbearum @sourirez  @vetseras​ @mollybegger-blog @babylooneytoonz @peakascum 

a/n: I hope you liked it!!! This is a very cute and chill imagine so it was very fun to write it and i hope it wasn’t too late <3

[doc-pickles]

So I'm pretty much convinced that I can make an AU out of anything because I literally just woke up and sent this to the group chat at like 8 AM??? This started as a Sound of Music AU (as a literal JOKE) and ended somewhere very off course. Then I edited it and it somehow became a 3k word doc. All of this to say.... I have a little rambling session for you and I hope y'all enjoy it! xoxo Nina

PS Everyone say thank you to @cicinicole-14 for this one... Just cause.

So we start off with Alex a single dad with six kids. The oldest is Amber (16) who’s actually his younger sister that came into his care after his parents passes away. She’s almost 18 years younger than him but still his ‘baby’ sister. Then we have Denny (14) and Sam (12) who are Izzie’s sons with Denny obviously. But he died and when Izzie died Alex promised to take care of them. Then we have Eli and Alexis (6), Izzie and Alex’s twins of course. And finally, at the end we have Luna. She’s only a year old and Alex and Izzie’s youngest. Izzie died right after giving birth to her so the wound is still fresh.

So clearly this man needs some HELP with all these kids. He thinks he needs to marry someone new so the kids will have a new mom but Meredith and Cristina, his best friends, try to tell him he’s an idiot and maybe just needs a nanny. So they start plotting to find someone to help Alex but he’s already falling into a deep state of lust with Lucy, their new next-door neighbor.

Alex is going insane because these kids are running around his house like animals. He’s really trying not to lose his cool but he needs to keep them in line quite literally for his own sanity. So he’s yelling and he’s mean and strict and the kids start to resent him, all the while he knows this but is just trying to keep the peace, ya know?

Meanwhile, we have Jo who is working as a waitress, holding down three jobs and still barely making rent. She’s serving one of her regular customers at the diner and complaining about how she can’t keep doing all this for no money. The guy mentions that he thinks he has the perfect thing for her and tells her his wife’s friend needs a nanny for his kids and he’s kind of loaded so he’ll pay well. Jo agrees immediately and literally just quits her job on the spot, thanking Derek for helping her out.

The next day Meredith is at Alex’s trying to get things together so Jo doesn’t walk into a crime scene and the kids are going crazy and Alex is yelling and the front door bursts open and Jo walks in like a dream on a cloud. Amber, who’s been doing most of the heavy lifting with Luna, hands the baby off to her and goes upstairs. Luna, who’s notorious for crying for literally everyone, just curls up on Jo and is sitting there contentedly. The other kids are fascinated too, Denny and Sam are just grateful there’s someone who knows what they’re doing and ask if she can cook. The twins ask if she’s a princess which makes her laugh.

And then there’s Alex who’s standing on the other end of the room glaring at Jo. The kids are all corralled upstairs by Meredith and Jo and Alex are left alone. He tells her straight up that his kids are the most important thing in his life and if she hurts them she’s in deep shit. Jo explains how she’s used to the chaos from the foster homes she grew up in and she’s confident that she can help out and keep the kids contained. Lucy comes in through the back door and is IMMEDIATELY suspicious about Jo, but of course, she puts on a big smile and is super handsy with Alex. Jo is unfazed though and asks if she can go see the kids upstairs to which Alex tells her there’s a room at the end of the hall across from his that she can have if she wants it. Jo goes up and Lucy is kind of berating Alex asking how he could invite this random woman into his house to deal with the kids when she’s right there and willing to help. So Alex asks her to name all his kids and she fails utterly and he just walks away.

So now Jo’s in the house, the kids are less crazy, Alex is actually able to breathe, and Lucy is PISSED. Jo tries to ignore the blonde whenever she’s around but her constant presence and nagging tone make her hard to tune out. It’s a work in progress to get the kids to trust her fully but Jo is working on it. She’s got Denny and Sam hooked with her homemade meals and Eli and Alexis think she’s Mary Poppins now because of how well she maintains the house. And Luna is usually in the baby carrier strapped to Jo’s chest giggling away. Amber though… Amber is 16 and wants to be her own person. She’s flirting with Lucy’s teenage brother Jack who comes to visit all the time. He’s a few years older and Jo tries to warn Amber about the dangers of older men but she brushes her off.

But back to the story… Jo is very much perfect nanny material and she runs things a certain way. She thinks the kids need lots of fresh air, to be put into activities, and to feel like they’re heard. So Denny and Sam join a basketball team, Eli is in the science club and Alexis is in field hockey (her choice obviously) and Jo even takes Luna to a playgroup once a week. Amber is reluctant to let Jo in but she finally does and she vents to her because she’s worried Jack doesn’t really like her, etc. Jo helps her through it and they now have a great bond.

Now here’s where things start to get interesting. Lucy and Alex are both medical professionals, top of their fields. They’re both running clinical trials and pretty much competing to make this huge medical device breakthrough. Alex, while he’s been distracted by his kids, is still a freaking genius and is blowing through this and is so close to a breakthrough. Lucy wants it though, she wants it so freaking bad and so she’s decided to seduce Alex for it. (That’s the whole reason she moved next door, but she would never admit that) And if that doesn’t work? Well, Jack is around and can do some snooping and steal some files if Amber lets him close enough.

Alex’s company is hosting a gala and he wants the kids to pop in but not stay the whole night. Jo agrees and thinks it’ll be great for the kids. Alex reminds her that since she’s going she’ll need to dress the part as well and gives her his card to get herself and the kids dressed and ready.

So the gala comes and Lucy is Alex’s date. She of course looks beautiful but she’s got no personality or truly any redeeming qualities, something Alex is quickly realizing. Alex is socializing when he spots Amber and Denny and Sam and waves them over asking where the rest of the kids are. They say Jo is bringing them in now and Alex’s breath catches in his throat. Jo is wearing a beautiful dark green dress, nowhere near as extravagant as anyone else at the gala but she blows all of them out of the water. Alex quickly schools his expression but not before Lucy notices.

Alex introduces the kids to some of his coworkers before they slink off to a deserted corner and are playing around. Amber and Sam are trying to dance and failing miserably at it, both of them in stitches. Jo tries to teach Sam but realizes she’s not quite as graceful as she thought. Alex comes over and grabs Jo’s hand, leading her through a slow waltz that Izzie had taught him and they have ✨a moment✨ together before Lucy comes and pulls him away. Jo quickly takes the kids home and spends the night sulking in bed. She’s scared to acknowledge her feelings for Alex that are bubbling beneath the surface because she doesn’t want to unintentionally hurt the kids in the process but they’re becoming harder and harder to deny.

The next morning Jo wakes up early to start breakfast and who should walk downstairs but Lucy? They start talking and Jo is gushing about the kids and Lucy mentions how Alex said that once they get married they probably won’t need Jo around anymore. Jo is obviously hurt so she finishes up breakfast, grabs her stuff, and leaves. Unbeknownst to Lucy and Jo though, Amber heard their whole conversation.

So Alex and the kids all file downstairs eventually and he asks where Jo is and Lucy says she just left and took her stuff with her. Alex is floored because he thought things were going well with Jo. Meanwhile, Amber is silently stewing in the corner and she’s just not saying anything because she wants to punch Lucy. Eventually, Lucy thanks Alex for letting her crash on the couch and she leaves. As soon as Lucy is gone Amber tells Alex exactly what happened with Jo. He asks if she knows where Jo would go and Amber says she thinks she has an idea.

Cut to Jo who’s sulking on Link’s couch. She’s upset and sad because she loves Alex’s kids and likes Alex too and she hates that he would say that. There’s a knock at the door and Link opens it to reveal Alex and all six kids still in their pajamas begging Jo to come back. Alex explains that Lucy lied and that he’s going to end things with her if it means they’ll lose Jo because he burns the scrambled eggs and gives everyone the wrong colored cups at dinner and mixes up Sam and Denny’s basketball schedule with Alexis’s field hockey schedules. But most importantly the kids love her and he won’t do that to them when they’ve lost so many people already. So Jo goes back with them and things are okay, the day goes smoothly and things between Alex and Jo aren’t tense or awkward like he might have thought. Everyone goes to sleep and Alex is left to fix the mess that he’d been roped into.

Alex goes next door to confront Lucy. She denies the whole thing and when Alex mentions that Amber overheard the interaction she claims that she’s lying about it because she doesn’t want her to be with Alex. Alex tells Lucy that she can mess with him but using Jo and his children to try and manipulate her way into his life wasn’t going to work, thus breaking things off with her. When he comes back to the house Jo is downstairs feeding Luna. She mentions that the windows were open and she could hear his defense of her to Lucy which she thanks him for.

A few weeks later they all go to Denny and Sam’s basketball game and they come back and the front window is smashed. Jo freaks out and Alex goes to investigate. Nothing is missing or stolen but his office is a mess. He left his work laptop at the corporate office that afternoon and it doesn’t seem like whoever was there found what they were looking for. Alex brings everyone back inside and assures them everything is okay but they’re all still shaken up. The kids all go to bed but they end up all sleeping in Jo’s room because they’re scared to be alone. That’s where Alex finds them the next morning, Amber is asleep in the rocking chair in the corner with Alexis on her lap, Denny and Sam are at the end of the bed, and Eli and Luna and curled up next to Jo. He realizes then that Jo has become a part of their family and that he has BIG feelings for her.

Alex reports the break-in to the cops the next day but they can’t find anything. Later that night Alex is in his office working on his big medical thing. Jo comes in to check on him and asks him if he’s okay and if he needs anything. He confesses to Jo that he’s worried whoever broke in was after his work. He hasn’t finished it but he’s close and he knows that makes him a big target. Alex explains that he wants to finish his project because if he does that and publishes his work he won’t be a target anymore, he’s just stuck on the last component of his breakthrough. Jo leans over his shoulder as he’s explaining everything he’s doing and she just accidentally solves it for him and he’s kinda freaking out because he’s been working on this for three years and Jo figured it out in two minutes? So she shyly confesses that before she dropped out of college she was pre-med at the top of her class. Alex is in awe of Jo’s brilliance and still can’t believe that she solved this and he’s just gushing and they kiss and they do indeed fuck on the desk. Lucy sees Alex close the blinds to his office from next door and she’s PISSED.

Anyways Link sees an article about Lucy and her up-and-coming medical invention and realizes it’s basically the same thing Alex is doing. (Jo tells him everything and was gushing about helping Alex and he happened to put two and two together) So he goes over and sits down with Alex and Jo and lays everything out asking if they knew about that and knew Lucy was Alex’s competitor. Clearly, they didn’t and now they know almost absolutely that Lucy is trying to steal it from them and figure out that she was probably the one that broke in as well.

So now Alex and Jo are stuck wondering what to do because Lucy lives next door and clearly doesn’t have any issues with breaking and entering. They decided that Alex needs to publish his findings so Lucy has no claim to them but he’s not keen because he’s not 100% sure he’s done everything right. Jo says screw it just do it so Alex decides he’ll take it to his bosses the next morning.

But who shows up on their doorstep? Lucy. And she’s demanding he give her all of the work that SHE did that he stole from her. And if he doesn’t she’ll have the police there at 10 AM the next morning to take it from him and to arrest him for assaulting her when he ended things with her which he clearly didn’t do.

Jo and Alex know they have literally one option: Take the kids and run.

So they do, Link helps them sneak out in the middle of the night and they sneak off to Alex’s boss, Richard Webber. Alex shows him everything he did and says he needs him to publish it while Alex and Jo and the kids go into hiding. Webber agrees and the family goes to hide at Alex’s family cabin until Link can clear Alex’s name and the research gets published.

The kids are obviously freaked out but Jo and Alex do their best to reassure them that everything is okay. They get settled in their rooms for the night and Jo and Alex collapse onto the couch, utterly exhausted from their day. Alex loops his arm around Jo and tells her that he wouldn’t want to do all of this with anyone else. She’s kept him sane and helped him come up with a plan without freaking out. Jo laughs and asks what he would do without her and Alex tells her in the softest most sincere voice that he truly doesn’t know. And they end the night in bed together just holding each other and being thankful for one another.

The next few months aren’t that easy. There are eight people, three bedrooms, and one bathroom and no one is happy about being crammed into such a small place. But they make it work, Jo packs them a picnic lunch and they go down to eat it on the dock by the lake every afternoon. At night they build campfires and watch the same seven movies on the old VCR set. Jo and Alex are slowly growing closer and the kids have noticed, much to their delight. The older ones will often corral the little ones out for a walk or a bike ride to give the adults some much-needed alone time. Their family just works so well together and they couldn’t be happier.

Finally, two months later a silver Toyota rolls up the driveway, and Link exits with a wide smile. He’s sorted everything out and the family is able to return home. Webber published Alex’s research which is already making waves in the medical community and Lucy is out of a job after she and Jack were both arrested for trying to break into the house again while they were gone. The kids are overjoyed to be going back home and while they’ve loved the peace and quiet of the mountains Alex and Jo can’t help but agree that they too miss home. They make the long trek back home and the kids are out of the SUV before Alex turns the engine off.

Alex is content, more so than he’s been in a long time. He’s halfway through the door when he turns to grab Jo’s hand, only to find her standing on the porch with a smile on her face. He joins her again and she states that she really is happy to be home because that’s what she considers his house now. Alex asks her to wait for a moment and runs upstairs, retrieving the diamond ring he’d bought before they left. He comes back downstairs and immediately gets down on one knee in front of Jo, asking her to officially join their family because they would all be lost without her. She of course agrees but tells Alex she has something to tell him too. She pulls out three pregnancy tests from her purse, all positive, and informs Alex that she won’t be the only new member of their family. The kids who are watching from the doorway all scream in delight, pulling Jo and Alex into a big hug.

[palmett-hoes]

i said in this post that i have original characters and backstories for neil's extended family. it took me,, a really long time to write it all down. it's been a full month since the original post, and this is still just a run through of things, not full prose, which i might be interested in doing one day but not anytime soon

now, some things to note about what i'm writing, why, and how. methodology, basically. this might not have come through yet in my posts, because i just don't post about my half-finished ideas, but i research a LOT. i like to base what i write about on real life, even if it's just headcanons and fanfic

also, i love helping people with research, so if anyone wants help with research for a fic or just their personal headcanons or anything hit me up!!

as a white person who wants to write characters from different ethnic backgrounds, i feel i have a responsibility to really do my due diligence and research as much as possible to consider things from every angle. and part of that for me is making sure that every character of color has a backstory. they don't just appear somewhere, i have to give them a reason for being there and a story for how they got there, even if that's not what i write their STORY about. people, come from places, basically. i follow a lot of demographic census information and population averages, as well as a lot of history, from as general as transatlantic trade in the last 500 years to as specific as the changes in a single city in a certain year

talking to other writers in the fandom i know i'm a little overzealous, but this is what gives me peace of mind to feel like i am putting the effort in to get things right

so anyway, as for what that means here:

i like writing neil as mixed black/jewish. it works well thematically for his character, as well as just what FEELS right for how i visualize him in my head

only, that can't simply come from nowhere. we know who his parents are. they need to also be poc for neil to be one, and they're a complicated pair to handle in that lens

one choice i made about that, for multiple reasons, is that everything about neil's parents' backgrounds should mirror each other. it can't simply be that one if them is black and one is jewish, or even that mary is both and nathan is white, because that says something i don't want to say any way you slice it. additionally, i want both facets of his ethnicity to be important to neil, and i feel as though he would want to ignore the half of himself from his father.

so: they both have to be mixed, giving them a sort of,, ideological equal footing, as it were. that way, i can also write three different experiences, rather than accidentally implying that This is what being black is, or This is what being jewish is, or This is what being mixed is. and that's also important to me, even if it's just in my head or not even directly addressed. it's still a big consideration of mine anytime i write about any of them

now, finally, onto mary and nathan! i'll put it below a cut because this is already long enough, the under-the-cut is much longer, and i don't want to wear out your thumbs if you don't care

mary hatford

canon timeline, neil was born in 1988. as a tentative number let's say mary was around 30 when he was born, meaning she would be born in the 50s. say her parents were roughly the same age, so they were born around the 20s

like i said, what's happening where in history is very important to me for building these backstories, and major historical events tend to have a lot of influence on population shifts. and well,, jews and europeans in the early-to-mid 20th century? there's no getting around involving world war II. nothing explicit, but it is mentioned and part of the story

mary’s paternal family are the hatfords. they're from the british west indies, largely jamaica, but they've been involved with shipping and trade all over the trans-atlantic region for generations.

they have a complicated relationship with the british empire, having both worked for them and against them at various points, sometimes both at once. similarly, they've tried multiple times through the generations to relocate the family to england permanently, but have been turned away or pressured out

they associate england and the british empire with power, and they both disagree with and desire that power in degrees which vary person to person. they do have a general idea between them though that living in england is a sign of status and authenticity, and while they don't want to leave jamaica permanently they do want their center of power to be in england, and there is a deep resentment against the anglos for not allowing them to stay permanently despite their wealth and influence, the fact that their work will always be looked down on and seen as lesser

i did come into building the hatfords with the primary idea of them being black british, and looking into the organized crime connection second. them being jamaican/west indies is a reference to the jamaican posse, who have a large presence in the london crime scene, although that's really the only connection. the hatfords aren't really yardies in any sense

the hatfords' status as organized crime is a little iffy. mostly they skirt the line between legal and illegal, owning legal trading companies and doing plenty of legal shipping. their main business in the criminal underworld is being middlemen moving supplies for other groups. they have a lot of contacts, and they serve an invaluable role in international smuggling, but they rarely get their own hands dirty. they move things from one place to the other and don't question too much what it is, though they don't deal in people

mary's father is named samuel hatford (first name in reference to samuel bellamy, the gentleman pirate king of the early 18th century). he was born in England, raised largely in Jamaica, then moved back to England as a teenager/young man. he's light-hearted and a bit idealistic for someone from a crime family, seeing the best in people even when they're cold and often believing in principle over profit, which at times put him in conflict with what's best for business

he almost enlisted in world war II, but instead convinced the family to work as weapons and supplies runners supporting the Allies and guerilla resistance groups

mary's mother is named cima ben nahman (ladino/judeo-spanish/sephardic names, doesn't really reference anything or anyone in particular). She's is an algerian jew. Born in algeria (city undecided, though algiers had the largest jewish community at the time), she moved to france for a few years as a young woman, probably for education. she joined anti-fascist organizations which became resistance groups once germany invaded

she's stoic, and has a ruthless mind for strategy. like most algerian jews, she's caught between her home country and its colonizer. the french empire played the algerian muslim majority against the jewish minority as a way to create infighting and distract the algerians from uniting and turning against them, but the algerian jews also then became reliant on the french for protection. (it's a really, really complicated situation)

cima sort of hates them both, both algeria and france. her only allegiance is to being jewish

(contrast this to samuel, who feels that he is BOTH british and caribbean, even when those two identities may be in conflict)

cima and samuel met when samuel provided weapons and supplies to cima's militia group. he took particular interest in them and went out of his way to help, above and beyond the other groups the hatfords were supplying

in the waning period of the war, cima was seriously injured, i'm currently thinking a land mine accident. she survived, but her recovery was slow. she lost an arm and had burns across half her torso, neck, and face. samuel brought her to england supported her through her recovery. in the hospital, they spoke a lot about why they each chose to fight, and the ways they did because neither were formal soldiers fighting for a country. samuel was in many ways fighting for an ideal, while cima was fighting for her people. cima also talked to him a lot about judaism and religion during this time, which samuel took an interest in. eventually, cima decided to stay

they got married. samuel converted, which was somewhat controversial with his family. however, cima agreed to join the family business, where she became an integral but sometimes ruthless member. after algerian independence, she brought some of her trusted family and community into the fold as well, some moving to england and others to france

both cima and samuel believed very heavily in responsibility, though what it meant for each of them was different. cima believed in preparedness and follow-through, samuel believed in family and protection, doing what's right outside of the bounds of the law. this contributed a lot to how they raised their children

when they were born, mary and stuart were raised in england (and i like to think they have an oldest brother). the hatfords were a big family, and influential, although careful about balancing the legal and less-legal sides of their business. the ben nahmans were smaller, and most of them were in france so mary and her brothers saw them less often. they were raised very religiously and culturally jewish, though close with the caribbean side of their family too, as well as being the first generation who were born and raised in england. this put them at a cross-section of three very different cultures, and was where mary first learned about changing and blending in with different groups

mary was the youngest and a little bit spoiled by her father, aunties, and uncles. her mother however was much less tolerant of her. clearly very affected by her time in the war, cima became extremely distrustful and suspicious, and tried to instill in her children a similar sentiment of secrecy and self-sufficiency, avoiding attention and casual relationships. she could be harsh on them, especially mary, who was the most resistant to this

growing up, mary was irresponsible and fun-loving, goading her brothers and cousins, getting in trouble, and starting fights. she didn't understand the tenuous balance of being organized crime, and at times put the whole family at risk by overestimating their sway. her mistakes affected the whole family but it was usually her mother who confronted her about them first and most harshly

she resented her mother's control, and didn't understand the reasons behind it. she also couldn't differentiate between the boundaries her mother sets as a result of her own trauma, and the necessary boundaries she set for the safety of the family, viewing them as one and the same, and leading her to hate any kind of control exerted over her

really, a lot of cima's character is just who mary ends up becoming after being married to nathan and being on the run. i like the story of a child becoming the parent they once hated. rather than learn from her mother, both her failures and her successes, mary becomes her, doomed to make the same mistakes. this is also why cima is wounded by a landmine, because mary dies in fire

---

nathan wesninski

nathan was HARD to come up with a story for, mostly because,,, WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY WORK FOR THE JAPANESE YAKUZA

wesninski is a VERY polish name. the japanese-polish connection is,, not super strong

so anyway, working off the idea of the wesninski family being a polish jewish one, WHERE is he going to meet a japanese crimelord to get into a multi-generation debt/business arrangement with?

turns out, the answer is brazil

brazil actually has a large jewish population (roughly 10th largest in the world). it began with its colonization by the portuguese, but the 19th century to modern population largely comes from central and eastern europe. brazil ALSO has the largest japanese population outside of japan

also this story ended up being WAY more detailed and prosaic than samuel&cima's story, which is basically just bullet points. there's no reason for this i love both stories very much just for some reason the words flowed for me here and not there

to avoid having a second jewish story where wwII is prominent, the wesninskis get a page out of my own family's book: nathan's grandfather (neil's great grandfather) came to the americas fleeing the russian pograms around the turn of the 20th century

so

Wesninski came to brazil (city undecided, have a lot more research to do about individual cities in brazil). he had waardenburg syndrome(a hereditary genetic condition that can affect eyes and hearing) which runs very strongly in his family (his son, nathan, and neil will all inherit it), and he is completely Deaf. while he came to brazil alone, in his new home he connected both with the local jewish community and the local deaf community, and eventually marries another Deaf Jewish woman

eventually they were able to establish a kosher deli and restaurant in the city, one which became a common hangout for the Deaf community. then one day (probably around 1915), a group of japanese men came in, and kept returning

these were the moriyamas, recently arrived from japan, in a place with very few japanese people and businesses. they liked the wesninski deli because they didn't share a language with anyone in there, couldn't even be heard by most of them, and it would also be difficult for the authorities to question them. two layers of protection for a crime family in a vulnerable place

wesninski and the moriyamas were amicable to each other, but as they didn't actually have a way to communicate that was the extent of it. but the moriyamas were polite and payed well and didn't bother the other customers. als, as a jewish establishment, they had a lot of education resources, which were helpful to the moriyamas in learning about brazilian society, including beginning to understand portuguese

now, in japan, the moriyamas were a small yakuza family. they got driven out by their bigger and stronger and more established competition around the time when japanese immigration to brazil was just starting, so that was where they went. though they had little option in where they ended up, they also had little competition in establishing their business

i still have a lot of research to do about the moriyamas. about both how the yakuza operate and about how brazilian organized crime works, and about life in brazil for early japanese immigrants. so a lot of the moriyama details are pretty vague

now the wesninskis had a son, meyer (nathan's father. name in reference to meyer lansky, famous american jewish mobster of polish descent) who was around 14 when the moriyamas arrived. he himself was not fully deaf like his parents, though was hard of hearing and raised in the Deaf community. as he goes through his rebellious teenage years, well, the gangsters are right there

in the early days the moriyamas were still more concerned with mostly the japanese enclaves, but they had aspirations of expanding. meyer wasn't japanese, but he was helpful to the moriyamas who came into the deli to study. he was perceptive and bold, could keep a secret, knew his way around knives from working in the deli, and knew the city. he was a good asset to them, and he was interested in causing some trouble

over the next ten years or so, meyer got increasingly more involved, alongside the moriyamas becoming increasingly more established throughout the city. he goes from someone who helps out occasionally and relays information beyween parties to getting involved with minor shakedowns, bribery, evidence disposal. by the time he's in his 20s he's thoroughly enmeshed

his parents were older when they had him, and his father died relatively young, leaving meyer the store and his mother to take care of. they were vaguely aware of his connections to the moriyamas and didn't approve of what he did with them but he also kept the worst from them, and was always a diligent son, and the only one they had. he assured them no matter how far he went that he wasn't "really" part of the gang

"yakuza have tattoos, and see, ima? no tattoos. i'm still a good jewish son, not a gangster"

now the problem arises when meyer falls for camara da machado, a young Deaf woman who frequents the store

(based on/inspired by/FC yaya dacosta (where the name comes from) and rutina wesley)

she was a Deaf girl born to a hearing family who struggled to give her the support she needed, maybe even just a single mother, and she'd spent a lot of time alone at the deli from a young age (12-ish?). she was shy and quiet and a little bit of a shrinking violet, but the wesninskis became very fond of her. she started tentatively helping them out around the store which became a job. she was often included in family meals and holidays, and always had a bed in their apartment above the deli if she needed one, and more than once had helped patch meyer up after he got in trouble to hide the extent of it from his parents

she was a couple years younger than him but he'd always been sweet on her. and she'd had a crush on him from basically the moment she'd layed eyes on him. they'd known each for years and camara was basically family, and then one day when they were both in their 20s it just suddenly clicked for them

so meyer and camara fell in love. meyer was head of the house, had to keep the deli running, and had his mother, camara, and possibly camara's mother (undecided at this juncture) to worry about and he decided he didn't want to continue working with the moriyamas in case it dragged his family into danger. being a gangster was a fling of youth and he was ready to grow up

when he informed the moriyamas of this though, they,,, did not agree.

while MEYER might not have considered himself part of the gang, THEY didn't think he just got to walk away. he'd worked with them for too long and knew too much. there might even have been a desire to tie him to the family permanently through marriage. and well,, one man against a growing criminal empire can't do much

it was a huge shock to him, and made him truly realize how naive and reckless he'd been. he'd been a dumb kid who wanted to start some trouble, the moriyamas were career criminals. they expected that once you were in, you were in for life, and they did not take kindly to meyer disagreeing with this

he didn't know how to explain this to his family... so he didn't. they'd all told him they wanted him to stop, but he'd meant for the announcement to be a surprise. after learning that he would not be permitted to walk away, he chose to just hide it and continue with business as usual

it worked for a while, maybe a few years, a time during which the moriyamas were getting a lot more brutal as they got more established and increasingly looked to expand, putting them in competition with other gangs and greater law enforcement, until they were a true crime empire spread across whole regions of the country. meyer had lost a lot of esteem in their eyes by asking to leave, leading them to put him under increasing scrutiny and giving him more incriminating tasks, to ensure that he would be incriminated if he ever tried to turn them in. it's during this time that he first had to kill for them

then camara got pregnant

and meyer was terrified. he didn't know how the moriyamas would deal with a kid. the only marriages and children he knew of within the family were endorsed by the boss, many arranged by him, and he knew his wouldn't be approved. yakuza wives were heavily involved with the business too, and he absolutely did not want that for camara

he broke down and told her everything. she's horrified, and furious that he kept it from her, but she didn't want to give up her baby. it would be hard, but she believed they can keep it hidden, and if the moriyamas found out, maybe it wouln't be so bad?

(spoiler: it would)

they have a son, born natan da machado, under his mother's name

meyer and camara never got married. meyer was going to propose after he left the moriyamas but that obviously didn't happen. marriages were supposed to be blessed by the boss, and meyer never dared to ask. they already lived together, anyway

but with natan, they decided that meyer couldn't acknowledge him as his own. in the deli or in the streets, he didn't acknowledge natan. he was camara's bastard son, and meyer didn't want anything to do with him

it was a flimsy disguise at best. natan was mixed, but there was a strong enough resemblance to his father. even if his hair was a darker red or he had brown skin, they had the same eyes

they tried to keep him away from the moriyamas as he grew up, hoping they wouldn't see him and make the connection, but they also kept him very hidden in general, just in case. he spent a lot of time inside, with his grandmothers

and that was how natan grew up, feeling like a secret, his father cold and distant, only acknowledging him in their apartment. cut off from other kids his age. a hearing boy in a Deaf family (natan himself was HoH but still had most of his hearing. meyer and his maternal grandmother could both hear, but they had gotten out of the habit of it and mostly communicated through sign)

natan developed a deep feeling of resentment towards his father and shame about himself from a young age. he felt like a mistake, defective somehow. so wrong he had to be hidden away from everyone

there's only so long that you can hide a child, though, and when natan was around ten the moriyamas found out about him, and they were not happy.

they didn't like split attention or loyalty. they kept children and family under very tight wraps. they should be one hundred percent enmeshed in the moriyama empire, raised to be loyal and helpful in whatever way they were needed. the fact that meyer wanted and was willing to leave for this family, and then hid his son, was a huge betrayal

still, they gave him an opportunity to prove his loyalty: kill camara or the moriyamas would kill them all: her, natan, meyer, and both their mothers

but meyer couldn't do it, and instead he told camara to run and hope they didn't actually care enough to chase her down. and she did. and she couldn't take natan with her. (i haven't fully fleshed out why yet, currently thinking that meyer was given this ultimatium when they already had natan)

so camara left her son, and got away

i built the story of mary's mother as a reflection of mary's story if something had been different, and i built nathan's story the same way. his wife takes her son and runs away with him when the moriyamas try to take him from her. nathan's mother was in the same situation and left him behind

over the next forty years of his belonging to the moriyamas he gets to marinate in that resentment. from the father that ignored to the mother who ran away from him, he internalizes it as being something wrong with him, not the circumstances. the more he's taught to torture and kill and the more he excels at it, the more this belief gets cemented. he's good at killing, he was meant to kill. he's twisted and broken and wrong inside and he always was and his parents always knew

and then when it happens again but differently this time he throws away a decade and millions of dollars and his standing with his boss to hunt down his son and his wife because he didn't get to run away so why should they? why does mary love nathaniel more than camara loved natan?

from here, the exact detail's of nathan's story aren't quite solidified. whether he was raised by his father from then on or by his grandmothers (or whether his grandmothers left with his mother) or whether the moriyamas put him somewhere else entirely, but from then on he lived under the moriyamas' direct supervision, and they taught him how to turn a knife on a man

they took his mother's name from him, though, so he's natan wesninski, not natan da machado, because they own the wesninskis now

and when the moriyamas decided to expand beyond brazil when natan was a young man instead of a child, and settled on the east coast of the US, they renamed him nathan, because it sounded more "american"

---

so that's it. obviously there are still a lot of unfinished details in both stories, but they're strong enough at this point to stand on their own and i haven't changed or rethought a lot of the major details in a long time

i've become extremely attached to these OCs and their stories, and i hope they interest other people too. some day i'd like to write them out in prose properly, along with the story of nathan and mary meeting, but that'll be a while away considering the pace i move at

so until then i just wanted to put this out there

[saby-chan]

Fire Lord Ozai: A blood thirsty monster or the less fortunate “Zuko” of his generation?

Hello again and thank you as always for clicking and allotting some of your time to read my humble post! Since I’ve happened to notice quite an increase in posts lately regarding the controversial character and nature of the former Fire Lord, the now imprisoned fallen prince Ozai, and I’ve personally promised in my previous post that I will share my own analysis on him if people asked me to do so (which actually happened), I am here to deliver my own take on this very intriguing man’s character, while also building a potential past for him based on stuff gathered from the show’s cannon.

I would like to start this essay with what I find to be my favorite quote ever: ”Monster’s aren’t born, they are created.” ~ Naruto Uzumaki (Naruto) What I like about this quote soo much and find very inspirational is the truth it holds within its short, yet powerful message. We are often fast to judge a “book by the cover”, to reduce others to what we assume of them by their appearance or latest actions that we’ve seen them do, but never actually take a moment and wonder where they come from, if this person we soo harshly look down upon really has been this way since their very beginning?

I’ve come across many comments on social media related to ATLA, especially on YouTube videos on which people would throw with harsh comments such as “Aang being a coward for choosing to spare the villain just because they saw a dumb baby pic of them” or “Ozai is the essence of evil and even as a baby he’d been a monster”. I can’t help but wonder who hurt these people to make them be so cruel? Like, how messed up must you actually be to say that a baby, a friggin baby, is the embodiment of all evils? Or that a child was a coward for choosing to see his opponent’s last bits of humanity and opted to spare them?

Aang was soo morally conflicted about the idea of killing Ozai not only because it contradicted the morals of his people, but because he himself understood that this man hadn’t always been the cruel beast he came to met in their first and final showdown. It’s important to note here the fact that upon finding that picture, Aang was actually convinced it had to be Zuko as a baby since it looked so innocent and cute and was actually surprised to learn it was Zuko’s father. And that’s the thing, Ozai was born like us all as an innocent and sweet baby. Babies aren’t in any way evil or twisted, they don’t even have the notion of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ defined in their small, still developing minds. In fact, the very choice of the creators to add this picture in the show is meant to tell us this very thing: this man wasn’t always like this. But if he wasn’t always like this, then what happened to make him become this way?

Well, in order to find out the reason, we must go back in time to the very beginning: Ozai’s childhood and upbringing. For this next part I am going to solely focus on the show cannon, as the comics aren’t the products of BryKe and have a lot of inconsistencies to the source’s cannon (you can go and read my other post on why they fail when it comes to Zuko’s character and his family).

 From what we know and can easily deduce by ourselves just from their appearances, Ozai and his brother Iroh have a huge age gap between them (somewhere between 10 and 15 years). This has to be our first red flag: isn’t it soo odd that this family opted to have their children at such a long distance between pregnancies? It almost feels as if Ozai hadn’t actually been part of his father’s actual family planning... In other words, he was a ‘mistake’ child (I actually hate having to use this terminology, but it will become relevant to when we expand on Azulon’s relationship with his sons). Sure, some may argue that Azulon actually decided to have two sons in case something were to happen to his first born, but wouldn’t it have been more logical to have his second born at 2-3 years max distance from his first? Why choose to have your second child when you are much older and thus risk having a baby with issues, if your sole purpose of this child is to serve as an insurance that you don’t ‘run out’ of heirs? It just doesn’t make much sense, so let’s go for the moment with the possibility that Ozai was an unplanned pregnancy.

This perspective actually gives way to another very interesting aspect: remember the infamous “Born lucky...Lucky to be born” quote? What if I tell you that there is a possibility that this quote wasn’t Ozai’s personal wicked invention, but actually something he himself heard from his very own father? It had been puzzling me for a long time why he choose to say “You were lucky to be born” to Zuko, which implies that Zuko wasn’t supposed to exist. I mean, it’s soo odd that Ozai went with something implying that Zuko was an unplanned pregnancy, since Zuko was the first born. So my theory is that maybe Ozai wanted to convey a different message to Zuko when he said that quote, but due to his anger he ended up replicating the same line he received from Azulon at some point in his childhood. We never got the exact flashback when the line was delivered from Ozai to Zuko, so we don’t have the exact context that lead to it (remember, we are excluding Yang’s take on the matter from the comics).

I mean, this feels like something that wicked old Azulon would have said to his least favorite child. Okay, so let’s go with the scenario that Ozai was an unwanted child, to which we could also add the possibility that Ilah’s health deteriorated after the first birth, which makes plausible the family’s initial decision of stopping at 1 kid.

Moving on, we know from the old ATLA character wiki’s that Ozai’s character design was made with Zuko in mind, being meant to be a grown up version of Zuzu, without the scar. An interesting choice indeed and even Iroh’s letter to Zuko on Ozai from one of the ATLA books describes Ozzy in a similar way to teenage Zuko in book 1: stubborn, feisty, determined and with a volcanic personality (easy to anger and competitive), so it means that these were intentional choices to imply that Zuko and his father are more similar than we were led to believe at first glance. Maybe Ozai was the “Zuko” of his generation. Also, in one of the interviews on the royal family, BryKe stated that Ozai worked very hard to get where he is in book 3, referring to his firebending specifically (we all know how Ozzy got the throne, so clearly, he didn’t “work hard” for that), so maybe he wasn’t always the strongest man alive, with the most exceptional firebending skills out there, like Azula who showed ease in her learning, but rather someone closer to Zuko’s weaker performance as a child, building his way to success through endless hard work until he became the prodigy we know today.

Continuing with our theoretical scenario, after his birth, the second child show’s lesser skills compared to his brother Iroh (by that I don’t mean that he wasn’t gifted at all, but that maybe Ozai wasn’t as fast and great of a learner like his big bro), so Azulon opts to just ignore him and continue focusing solely on his golden child. In my headcannon I actually think that Ilah survived the birth and so she was left in charge of the younger child’s education and upbringing. At this point Iroh is already 10 or older, so he is forced to focus on his development, which prevents him from spending time with his lil brother, but just for the sake of being positive, let’s assume that Ozai still had both his mother and his big brother to keep him sheltered from Azulon’s darkness for a small portion of his childhood.

I choose to believe that Ozai had his mother’s love for a small bit of his childhood due to his willingness in the show to allow Ursa (who mind you, as the granddaughter of Roku was considered a treacherous individual) to spend a ton of time with both Zuko and Azula and share her philosophy with the children, as seeing his wife playing with their children probably reminded him of his own bitter-sweet memories he had with Ilah. They also probably spent a lot of their time near the turtle-duck pond since that pond’s existence prolly dates long before Ozai and Ursa married and had their own children.

Unfortunately, Ilah dies and little Ozai remains all alone, to be influenced negatively by his father (and even by his grandpa Sozin, we don’t really know for certain when the old man died, so he prolly was there for a short time when Ozzy was still a child). Azulon most likely blames Ozai for his wife’s death as the second birth might’ve really had a huge toll on Ilah’s already fragile body, bringing her closer to death, so he still neglects and ignores the child, if not straight out bullies and abuses him for not being on par with Iroh. This prolly leads to Ozai becoming jealous of his brother since Iroh has their father’s love, pushing them further apart. I headcannon that this jealousy between the siblings led to Ozai complaining to his dad when he finally had too much of their father’s discrimination (at a similar age to when Zuko prolly did and got the infamous line, if not younger) only to get the “Iroh was born lucky, you were lucky to be born!” line with the sole purpose of hurting him since now the child knows that he was never wanted.

When Azulon scolds very furiously adult Ozai in Zuko’s memories for daring to ask to be named crown prince, he literally says something like “What, you dare ask me to betray MY own son?!” (this is like red flag number two), line that pretty much testifies how Azulon chose to pretty much treat Ozai as if he wasn’t his son too, showcasing how much he despised his second born and favored the first child over him. Since we are on the topic of their last conversation, the punishment Azulon gave to his son alone proves this man’s level of sadism, which leads me to be believe that Ozai’s childhood was full of this type of punishments for bad behaviors that could be easily corrected trough a long serious lecture or a lesser punishment focused more on teaching him an actual lesson. 

The old wikis also mention on the page about the hall with portraits of the previous Fire Lords that it was the place where Ozai chose to spend most of his time in his youth, seeking advice from his ancestors. I mean, seriously now, if he had a good and supportive father and a present brother in his life, would Ozai had chosen to seek guidance from the dead instead of his living family? That piece of information that was easily overlooked by many proves how lonely this man was in his youth.

So for the most part of his life, Ozai grew up under the toxic influence and abuse of his tyrant father who refused to acknowledge him. Yet he managed to grow up still full of determination to one day prove his worth to Azulon and gain his acceptance (just like we saw with Zuko in book 1, who was desperate to regain his honor and be accepted by his father). But unfortunately, no matter how strong he became or how good of a firebender he was, Azulon was unmoved and unphased by his second son’s performance.

From what we could gather from the little info we received in the show, it seems that Ozai was never sent to the battle field to aid his older brother, being kept as a stay home prince, with the only occasion he actually left home being to search for the Avatar (I don’t think Iroh was sent to do his part on searching the Avatar since he strongly believed that there wasn’t going to ever be one, so it’s safe to assume Azulon assigned Ozai with this mission just to get rid of him for a few years) and the only purpose he ever served to his father was to become part of the old man’s genetics experiment in order to create strong unparalleled firebending offspring (which I am pretty sure were meant to be ‘biological war machines’ used by Azulon in the war, as he didn’t really seem to give a shit about Ozai’s children compared to Lu Ten). So just imagine the level of disappointment and dishonor Ozai must’ve felt as a man and young aspiring soldier to find out that he was going to be used like a ‘non-bending daughter’ in a strategical marriage and never get to serve his country in what he’d been taught was the greatest and most important war for their Nation.

All in all, this marriage didn’t really end up that badly because it seems he and Ursa were actually very compatible. The old wiki for Ursa states that she was a noble woman and the perfect match for Ozai, which leads me to believe that show Ursa was intended to be a very strong willed and determined woman who earned his respect. The show never stated that Ozai never wanted his first born or that he was disappointed with Zuko from birth like the comics say, so it’s safe to assume that Ursa and Ozai actually ended up falling in love at some point since they had not one, but two kids with relatively a short time in between pregnancies. 

There are actually many signs in the show that actually prove that these two loved each other and Ozai didn’t abuse his wife: from the fact that they went every year to see Ursa’s favorite play despite Ozai hating the poor performance of the Ember Island Players (I mean, what man would do such a sacrifice as to endure the same torture every single year just to make his wife happy if he never loved her?), Ursa’s undeniable and sincere love for their children (in the show it was never stated that Ursa saw Zuko and Azula as someone else’s children, so if she were indeed an abused woman who was forced to have these children, she wouldn’t have ever loved them to such an extent, especially Zuko who resembled his father the most physically), the fact that Ursa had equal rights in their marriage and raising of their children (her even scolding and grounding Ozai’s favorite child without hesitation), to the most significant scene to the Urzai ship in Zuko’s flashbacks: Ozai sitting troubled all alone in Ursa’s favorite spot by the pond, in a sad and brooding atmosphere, after he lost her, instead of celebrating what had to be the happiest day of his life since he was finally crowned Fire Lord (it’s clear who had more importance in his heart: Ursa meant more to him than the throne, so losing her outshined his achievement). In fact, Ursa must’ve been the only thing that still kept him outside of the darkness that threatened to swallow his heart and once he lost her, Ozai had nothing else to keep him on the right path.

And even as a father, it seems that Ozai wasn’t always cold and distant to his children, as his true self depicted in Zuko’s memories on Ember Island shows him caring for both of his children, even holding Zuko close to him with a protective arm on the boy’s shoulder. Except the Agni Kai, there don’t seem to be any instances in which he was physically violent towards his son before the banishment (Iroh literally let Zuko in to join that faithful war meeting willingly. Would’ve he done that if he knew his brother to be very violent towards his children in case they disobeyed? If yes, then it would make Iroh actually very questionable on a moral standpoint) and even on an emotional level, I don’t really think that he was actually abusive to him (at least while Ursa was there) because from Zuko’s conversation with Zhao, he’s adamant that his father will take him back and even states "You don't know how my father feels about me. You don't know anything!", meaning that the father he used to know showed him a level of respect and genuine affection (if Ozai were to bully Zuko since the boy’s very early childhood, do you think this kid would grow up to be so sure that his father wants him around and would he defend this bully when someone badmouths them in front of him?).

Even with Azula, despite people demonizing her from early childhood and saying that she was manipulated since birth by Ozai to become a war machine, I do believe that she shows genuine love and affection towards her father. I do choose to believe that back in the good times when the family was happy, Ozai spent quality time with his daughter, filling in the gap left by Ursa’s neglect. I theorize that the reason why kid Azula badmouthed her grandpa and uncle was because she was being very protective of her father: since she used to like spying and eavesdropping, it’s safe to assume that she prolly witnessed many instances in which the old man bullied or insulted Ozai, favoring Iroh over him. It’s a bit harder to see it that way since her snarky comments involve dark topics, but since they live in a society governed by power and war, I see them as something similar to if Azula would’ve said “Uncle sucks and he will surely be fired from his job!” or “Grandpa is old and weak, he should leave the family business to dad!”. Even the fact that the only thing capable of shattering her to pieces was her father leaving her proves how much she cared for him. Ty Lee and Mai’s betrayal was a big blow on Azula’s control and sanity, but she didn’t breakdown until Ozai discarded her after his coronation as Phoenix King. There’s nothing more painful in this world than to be left behind by the person you loved the most and was there by your side your whole life, whom you wanted to follow to world’s end and back. That was the moment Azula finally realized that the father she used to know and love was actually gone and had been in fact, long gone for years at this point.

But if Ozai cared for his family what made him change? Easy, it all comes back to the fact that his father never acknowledged him. The throne doesn’t seem to be his ultimate goal in life since Ozai discarded of the Fire Lord title very easily, tossing it to Azula without any remorse or hesitation. It was more about the meaning behind getting the crown: replacing Iroh in the line of succession was the ultimate proof of his father’s acceptance, that he wasn’t only a “mistake” and “failure” in his father’s eyes, but since Azulon ended up saying and doing what he did, backfired Ozai and made him understand that no matter how hard he tried, the old man will never see him for what he is. So yeah, for a proud man like Ozai this was a hard defeat to swallow, which in turn sparked his strong desire of winning the war and becoming the king of the world: if Azulon wouldn’t accept him even in death, then Ozai will prove to the whole world that he was above his father and his “perfect” brother by accomplishing what they never could and even better and no one was going to stop him, not even his own family.

This is what differentiates Ozai from Zuko: while both had similar upbringings, Ozai never broke away from his obsession of gaining his father’s admiration, allowing himself to fall prey to the darkness left by Azulon in his heart and abandon his true self, only to become the copy of his abuser, while Zuko stood up to his dad and chose his own destiny. If Aang were to come back around 20 or 30 years earlier, then he might’ve actually been able to save Ozai just like he saved Zuko, but unfortunately it wasn’t this way.

Do I think that Ozai could still be saved and redeemed even after the events of book 3? Definitely! Since he’s actually a broken man and still has a tiny bit of humanity left within, I think he still has a chance to change his heart. The only thing is that it’d be a long lasting process: first off he needs to spend a long time in solitude and reflect on his life’s choices and his past, understand where he went wrong and that what happened to him in his childhood is called abuse, which he ended up replicating on his own children. After he understands his wrongdoings and becomes willing to rediscover his true self, he needs to understand the truth about the war, that everything he’d known was fake propaganda and that there was nothing glorious in what he, his father and Sozin did under the excuse of “sharing their Nation’s greatness with the rest of the world!”. But most importantly of all, the only remedy that could possibly save him is love. It sound cliche, but by responding to hatred with more hate like Zuko did in the comics would never change the world “for the better” or bring it “to reality”. The only way to save both Azula and Ozai would be trough showing them the power of love, hope and empathy, how they don’t have to struggle alone and push everyone away. And especially by redeeming Azula, she would be a very important piece in Ozai’s redemption: since he had a closer parent-child relationship with Azula and cared for her the most when he did care, realizing how much he made her suffer through his actions, that would probably break Ozai enough to make him admit that he was wrong all along.

So yeah, this is my analysis on Ozai’s character using the cannon information from the show and old wikis and why I think he is just the product of a very bad environment and an abusive parent who never showed him love (if there’s a reason for why Ozai might be uncapable of showing a healthy parental love to his children is because you can’t show what you’ve never learnt yourself), being the Zuko of his generation who never got to experience the positive influence of an “Uncle Iroh” to guide him on the right path. 

You can agree with me or not on this one, but this is what I choose to believe. Maybe I am way too good by choosing to see any potential good in anyone, but I feel it’s a better way than to counter hate with more hate like Yang did in his monstrous portrayal of Ozai in The Search.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments and if you agree with anything I’ve said, feel free to leave a like and to reblog this post.

See you next time and stay safe! Bye-Bye!

Saby out.

[mochii0park]

 meraki; chapter 01 I jhs

Title: Meraki

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader / Jin x Reader

Part of series: Waterlilies and Japanese Bridge

Genre: angst I fluff

Pairing: literaryscout!hoseok x writer!reader

Word count: 4.5k

Summary: Throughout your whole life you lived in your sister’s shadow, watching from side-lines as she formed herself into a successful businesswoman with an envying life. Never being able to fill her shoes you gradually understood the meaning of an estranged family and the burden it carried. The twenties began slowly slipping from your grasp which had been embedded with insecurities and longing for fulfilment. Pouring your heart out to strangers with a pseudonym meraki, you began second guessing the decision when an email lands in your inbox.

Author's note: unedited, it's 2am I'll reread it tomorrow

Taglist: if you want to be added to the taglist message me

@namsope32 , @cuteipat , @ofvopemin

Masterlist

Meraki masterlist

< intro | chapter 02 >

Seokjin got engaged and moved to the USA.

Your lanky fingers hover over the keyboard, the reality of the situation still lingering in the air. The send button felt heavy, as if the action would make a shift in your universe. You have already made mends with how things were going between you, but it still felt crushing.

Sucking up the little pride you had left after lying to your friend, you push the button and lock the phone hoping to gain some sanity in your walk back to the apartment. It had been a regular night out with your friends. Coffee chitchat alongside freshly baked cookies which you got as an apology for being late.

Your mutual friends felt the need to notify you of the sudden change in Seojkin’s life, wanting you to hear it from them first. Pushing it to the back of your mind as nothing but an additional fact, you continue through the night with a smile. That lasted until you the rounder the corner.

Seokjin had been your friend through university and even later as you grew up and struggled to make ends meet.  You had been there for him when his girlfriend of five years decided to dump his ass having a shift in her feelings towards him. You mended his heart through late night talks and rides across the city. He was your kiss partner after breakups, picking up your self-esteem and gluing it together. In conclusion, Seokjin was your everything. If only the feeling was mutual.

Days before deciding to confess to him, he blasts your phone with messages about a girl that pulled all the strings in his heart and awoke oceans of memories. Kim Jisoo was his high-school crush with whom he lost contact after entering his last relationship. Reconciling through social media the two hit off where they last left it and suddenly you became the dust under his shoes. 

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months of not seeing him. With a deeply rooted pain in your chest and a jealousy for the new girl in his life you stepped down allowing Jisoo to consume his being. Afterall who were you than a mere friend, easily replaceable.

The last slap came when you drunkenly confessed, having enough of their roller coaster like relationship. That was the last time you’ve heard of Seokjin’s teary-eyed voice telling you goodbye over the phone. No matter how many times he told you this sounded like the end and the suffering he felt was unbearable; it was nothing compared to the sound of your heart shattering into pieces.

Sehun told you many times that the timing was so off it made him uncomfortable, but that’s the thing about you and Seokjin. Everything was off with the two of you. From kisses to cuddles to nudes after midnight to serious conversations about pineapple pizza. Friends don’t do that, is what you kept telling yourself when the feelings for him slowly grew from platonic to romantic.

In midst of your thoughts your phone rang. Sehun the attachment dealer flashed across your phone. Giggling at the memory of how the nickname came to be, a warm feeling nest itself inside your chest. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I left the Howl Cafe, I’m near home.”

He hums, the sound of the blinker echoing in the distance. “I’m there in five. Meet me at the bus station at beginning of your street.”

There were instances when disobeying Sehun felt like the biggest thrill of your life but right now when feelings you couldn’t pinpoint ran through you clouding your judgement, Sehun felt like a silver lining. As you wait for him to arrive, you can’t help but scroll through your phone in search for that one picture of Seokjin.

The only one you’ve saved after your last conversation. He was leaning against the wall of the bakery, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. His bleached hair fell over his rimmed glasses giving him an emo vibe. It was somewhere around three am when you’ve taken this photo. 

Both of you exhausted from running aimlessly around the city. He begged you to visit this bakery at the top of a hill, assuring you about the quality of their goods. You remember that night vividly, how you would steal a kiss or two in the shadows hiding from the reality. How he would woo you with his terrible French accent and you would answer him in your broken German.

You miss him. You miss him to the point where it physically hurt.

Sehun honks ever so caring about the people sleeping peacefully in their homes. He bursts into laughter at your jumpy reaction making you feel annoyed as you lock your phone. Settling yourself in his car you wait for his I told you so, but it never comes. Instead, he turns on his Spotify playlist clicking on Olivia Rodrigo’s good 4 u blasting it a such high volume all thoughts you had were overridden with the upbeat song.

Sehun had been your friend for the same amount Seokjin was. The two knew each other through a few short encounters, for some reason they never crossed paths for longer than ten minutes. For that you were thankful. The song comes to a finish and Sehun observes you from his seat. The lights of the city painted on the window illuminated your face, giving him a prefect view of your perplexed expression.

“How are you feeling?”

You knew he would ask this question, after all the sole reason you were driving on a highway was because of your damped mood but in whole honesty you didn’t know the answer.

“A part of me had expected it. He talked about marrying her, but he also talked about wanting to drop everything and own a cottage in Sweden.”

“Your taste in men is terrible. Remember Mark? The guy who had so many career goals but couldn’t leave his house because he thought having a life outside work was overly distracting for his oh so important career as IT support at ZARA? Or Mino who was so high you couldn’t recognise him when he dropped the weed after your breakup.” Sehun snorts.

You roll your eyes at him. Surely your boyfriend track wasn’t the best but it’s not like you seek out boys with issues, it seems that they attach themselves to you and you can’t get rid of them without a major heartbreak. “Whatever.”

Sehun stretches forward pulling your favourite chocolate bar out of the compartment, throwing it in your lap. You smile, munching on it as you switch the song to Zayn and Sia’s Dusk Till Dawn.

“I just expected him to inform me.”

Sehun shakes his head. “I am not sure why you expected that. You two haven’t shared one conversation in two months. You’ve asked for space when he told you he can’t choose between you and Jisoo. Plus, that was a dick move to be honest making him choose between his girlfriend and his best friend.”

“Space,” you emphasise,” not utter silence. He didn’t move two fucking blocks Sehun. He moved to a whole fucking country without telling a soul. Our mutual friend finds out through an Instagram story. Fucking Instagram. And I don’t care, he was a dick that started this charade might as well end it.”

By now you were fully shouting, the tears that threatened to spill before now rushing down your face. In this moment you didn’t care much about Sehun’s awkwardness regarding tears and crying, that was pushed aside when he backed Seokjin’s decision and pissed all over yours.

“Y/N,” he whispers, turning down the volume as you whimper, “there is not much you can do. You must respect his decision. You can’t force someone to love you.”

It was your turn to huff at the stupidity of his words. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t go about kissing people. Respect decision? Fuck that. Did he respect me when he made a fool out of me?

“No.”

Sehun exhales knowing that in this case you weren’t in the right mind to have a rational conversation. Seokjin was your weak point, he knew that much. Your emotions began to pour out, leaving you a sobbing mess in his car. 

“Look, I can’t stop you from having all sort of emotions for him. I can only advice you to turn off your phone for tonight and give yourself time to process the information before doing anything you might regret.”

 “I won’t blast his phone with insulting messages if that’s what you think.”

“Good, also don’t eat out your emotions. You can’t stand too much sugar in your system.” 

“Thanks doctor. I’ll just write out my emotions instead.��� You say leaning into the seat, closing your eyes as you listen to the music.

“You still write on that blog?” You can hear some amazement in Sehun’s voice, and you know it’s not to mock you but to praise you for managing to stay faithful to one thing this long. You had a reputation for giving up on things in early stages because you couldn’t finish them perfectly.

The rest of the ride was spent with you eating out your emotions with the food Sehun bought from your local fast-food restaurant. Not much was said between you and him as he drove into the night letting you process the whole situation, only dropping you off at home when you felt yourself calming down.

Once in the confides of your room you strip yourself of any pent-up emotions letting all the pallet of different feelings overran you. Taking a pen, you let your heart pour into endless words scribbled away in your notebook. When you’ve felt empty the high gone, you take your laptop opening the site you’ve a long time member of. It came to you on Instagram in a form of a poorly done advertisement. It was a website for people wanting to share their poetry with strangers.

At first, you’ve done what you always do: began self-doubting your poems and their worth. Most of them were written in a spur of a moment when you felt like you would burst from the number of things you felt. But one night, when sleep couldn’t come to you and the pain of losing the person you held dear lingered in the air threatening to choke you; you signed in posting your work. It was raw and you suddenly felt exposed and naked in front of the world.

That’s how Meraki came to be. How your pseudonym became your shield, allowing you to burden it with any thought or emotion you’ve felt. In the online world Meraki was a fierce writer, letting her readers know of the pain and suffering she felt. In real world Meraki was an introverted person hiding herself from anyone willing to come close.

                                                   ____

 It was a hot Wednesday morning when you’ve gotten an e-mail from your sister informing you of her whereabouts. Due to your mother’s work preventing her from traveling, she decided to pay you a visit instead; much to your delight. The days to her wedding were numbered and so was your sanity.

Luckily for you she and her fiancée decided to stay with your parents.

The thought of her roaming the halls of the only place you’ve managed to cover in comfort was disturbing you. It wasn’t that you hated your sister but although you’ve dealt with your own insecurities some parts of the trauma still hung over you.

You’ve managed to avoid her for a good number of days since she landed in Seoul but now a week later you ran out of excuses. That’s how you found yourself sitting in a posh sea food restaurant, juggling your anxiety during the family dinner.

The last time you saw your whole family was at your grandfather’s birthday (which happened six months ago). The event left a bad taste in your mouth after you’ve spent majority of time listening to your sister’ success only receiving attention when she addressed you.

Solar and her fiancée Minho discussed the menu as they skimmed through different meals. You have been so busy staring at one spot that you’ve never noticed the waiter taking orders.

“Y/N?” Solar spoke catching your attention.

“One chicken fillet for me please.” You were so preoccupied with different thoughts you never saw what they had to offer therefore you went with your go-to food.

The moment the waiter leaves the table with the menus, your mother scoffs. “Aish you’re eating chicken again, we’re in an exclusive sea food restaurant and you’re embarrassing us.  “

“Mother, let her eat what she wants.” Solar interrupted your mother’s complaining, switching the topic to her wedding dress. Your mother beamed at the photos she showed her.

It was somehow sad how much power Solar had over your parents. One word was enough to ease them into doing whatever she liked whilst you had to beg and crawl your way and even then, you were no match for her.

You felt severely out of the place. The two talking about preparations while your father and Minho gushed over their new apartment in Tokyo. You sat there in your chair counting down minutes until you could leave. Any other day you wouldn’t bother to attend the dinner but now Solar insisted you showed up. Something about the sight of her family warming her heart, bunch of bullshit.

“How are you doing Y/N?” She asks ignoring your mother as she mumbles under her breath about your bad habits, one being smoking.

You took up smoking in your last year of university when the pressure of getting a master’s degree and balancing your parents had been too much to take in. A lot of your friends decided to find comfort in weed, but you never understood the thrill of it. Rather than spending enormous amounts for just one puff, you could buy a pack of cigarettes and still have money left for some booze.

“Not much, same old same old.” You answered pushing your nervousness away.

There wasn’t much happening in your life. You’ve started a job in a bookstore and spent your free time either with Sehun or Jihyo.

“How’s Seokjin?”

That one question had caught the table’s attention and suddenly you felt a terrible need to smoke one. Your families were acquainted through work, your fathers working together on a project. They had been shocked when they discovered that you and Seokjin had been close friends for a long time.

“He’s fine.”

“I heard he got engaged,” Your mother spoke up,” to Kim’s daughter Jisoo. Ah what a wonderful being that one is.”

“Oh?” Solar gave your mother a perplexed look narrowing her head at you. You played with the glass in front of you, the object suddenly becoming interesting.

“I thought you and he were dating.” Minho joined, telling the words that were stuck on the tip of your sister’s tongue.

“Y/N and Seokjin? Don’t make me laugh. They are worlds apart. Seokjin is so focused on his career while our Y/N thinks writing will make her a fortune.”

Taking a sip of water, you try your best to wash away the nasty words threatening to leave your mouth. Your parents never approved of your career choice not that you even cared about their opinion.

Solar hums pulling her lips into a straight line. “I’ve must’ve mistaken then. I was sure I saw you-“

“Here is your food.”

And that’s how you were saved from the embarrassment of having to explain to your sister that what she saw was imagination playing tricks on her and not you and Jin making out in front of your house. It was awkward enough when she pestered you about it the next day.

The conversation takes on a different dynamic and you breathe out in relief. You were still trying to process the news and talking about him wasn’t helping your soul.  You gather yourself before your façade could fall and mask it with a stoic expression continuing your countdown till desert when Sehun would call you for an “emergency”.

Right on time you think as your phone began to ring.

You pretend to gasp covering your mouth to show concern as Sehun sputtered nonsense. He kept talking about his trip to the gym and how his feet hurt from all the exercise he did while you tried not to show disgust as explained in detail how hit his little finger against a metal device . Solar shot you a worried look as you excused yourself from the table.

“And the award for the best actress goes out to Y/L Y/N” Sehun pitches once you close the door of the restaurant. Shooting a quick apology message to Solar, you jump into his car deJa’vu hitting you.

“I should get paid for spending so much time with you.” Sehun dripped in sweat, his black shirt sticking moistly to his body, hair pushed back.

You shrugged falling into a comfortable silence. Half an hour later he stops at the number 13, the windows of your house distinguishable by the large number of flowers catching last rays of Sun before the night settles.

“That will be 100 won and a Mcdonald’s later when you’re free.”

“Yeah, not happening” you tell Sehun, already halfway out of the car, rucksack slipping from your shoulder.

He raises a brow at you.” I am not your personal driver Y/N. I had to leave my girlfriend to drive you back.”

You scoff as you roll your eyes at him.” I’ve told you to call me for an emergency. There was no picking up included.”

He mimics your words mockingly before pressing the gas pedal leaving you behind him. Unlocking your apartment door, you’re greeted with your dog sleeping in the hallway not giving you a second glance as you pass over him. Haku’s snores echo through the empty apartment warming your heart. The Shiba became your companion two years ago when you were going through a rough patch. It took some time for you to get used to each other but now you couldn’t image not having his snot buried into your business.

Turning on the lights you sit at the kitchen table pulling your leg up to rest your head on the knee. Opening your laptop, you see a few notifications popping up on the sideline about your recent orders. Just when you were about to close the notification center you see one mail standing out. The name Jung Hoseok makes you jolt in your seat.

Dear writer aka meraki,

I hope this e-mail find you well. My name is Jung Hoseok, I’m the CEO of ZER Publishing company. I’ve taken interest in your poetry and would like to have a meeting to discuss a possible collaboration between us.

Kind regards,

Jung Hoseok

The scream that came from you couldn’t possibly be human. Closing the laptop as if it will burn you, you throw it on the sofa choosing to avoid it until tomorrow.

You didn’t know how he found you giving that any personal information on the site was strictly private. Pacing back and forward you facetimed Sehun. He picks up after three very long rings making your heart beat erratically against your chest.

“I swear to God if this is another one of your emergency calls.” Sehun stands there in nothing but a towel hugging his waist. He moves to the other side of the bathroom, bare feet pacing against the marble floor.

“I got an e-mail.”

He curses, his voice muffled from the towel pressed against his face. ” You called me to tell me about a mail?”

“Not any mail, Sehun. I was contacted by Jung Hoseok.” You whisper still walking back and forward, Haku following every step of yours. Sehun tries not to pay close attention to you, getting slowly dizzy from all the commotion.

“And something tells me I should know who that is?”

You halt taking a moment to stop yourself from starting a conversation about common knowledge again, it was a sour subject. “He messaged through the mail used for Meraki.”

This time Sehun is quite for a few seconds taking in your words. You don’t see him, but you can hear deodorant spray and shuffle of clothes. “How? Isn’t that private?”

“Yes.”

And suddenly the anxious feeling was back. The poems you wrote there were strictly private, the mention of your love life and your hardships with your family were never meant to be linked back to you. You’ve checked the websites policy not wanting anyone to associate you with the account. If that were to happen you can immediately start packing your things to move to another continent.

“I am sure he didn’t hack it; nobody is that desperate. Maybe he contacted the website owner?” Sehun takes his phone, hair freshly washed strands falling over his face. He moves from the bathroom to the kitchen placing you carefully , so you could see the whole room.

You think for a second, there was a possibility. “Isn’t that a violation of my privacy?”

“I can try to read out the rights and policy. Come up with a text signed as your lawyer but Y/N” Sehun’s voice is soft, something he did to calm you down. He stood in the middle of the kitchen, eyes having an internal battle, the look you’ve seen on him in rare moments.

“Yes?”

“I am sure if you refuse, he won’t bother you. I am also sure you don’t have much to lose if you agree.”

                                                         ____

Hoseok was on his fifth coffee by noon, deprived of any sleep last night.  He was starved for a good literature piece that would leave him in myriad emotions. Sadly, he came up with an empty line. He spent his days cocooned in the corner of Suho’s café reading page by page poetry that awoke no emotion except irritation. He was on the brink of losing his mind.

Suho slides into the booth, careful not to startle Hoseok.” Have you found anything?”

Hoseok ruffles his hair before resting his head in his hands. He was desperate enough to visit fanfiction sites in hopes of stumbling upon work that had  the spark.

“Maybe you should take a break? Visit those open mic nights where people recite their poems?”

Hoseok shakes his head having already used that option last week. “I’ve been to three mic nights and not one was interesting. I am on a verge leaving everything behind to become a stripper. Yoongi did say I have an amazing body."

Sehun by now used to his friend’s dramatic antics shrugs his shoulder.” You should really take a break. You’ve been searching for a month now.”

Hoseok wished he could take a break, but the existence of his firm lay in his hands. That enough gave him tremendous worry pushing him way above his limits.

“I know but if I don’t find a good piece in a month, I can close the firm. Do you know what that means? Hundreds of people losing their job.” Hoseok wasn’t the one to crumble under pressure but now he felt like crying. Suho offered him a smile he’s seen before, the pity smile. Patting his shoulder he gets up at the sound of doors opening ,customers swarming in.

At the end of the day Hoseok thinks everything has turned against him. His laptop dies in the middle of reading, and he discovers he forgot his charger at home. In all the despair and anger he accidentally knocks over the mug spilling coffee over important documents and his newly bought jeans. The stain will probably leave a small burn that he wasn’t ready to face today. He’ll take care of it tomorrow.

On the side Suho observes his restless friend. He felt bad for not being able to help him more, but he already used all his resources and sent them anonymously to his mail only for Hoseok to turn it down.

Sehun walks into the café with his gym in one hand and candy in the other, drops of sweat forming on his forehead. He was waiting for a call from Y/N, prepared to jump into his car at any second. He greets Suho, his sight landing on an exhausted Hoseok bumping his head repeatedly against the table lightly. He hoped to never reach this point of insanity. 

“What’s his problem?”

Suho follows Sehun’s line of sight. Hoseok sits in the booth, forehead rested against the table. Both his mind and body were tired, and the clock was ticking. “He needs to find a good poetry piece to publish otherwise he’s toast.”

In that moment Sehun weights his options. He knew how self-conscious you were about your work thinking it lacked emotion and quality and this seemed like a good opportunity to prove you otherwise. On the other hand, there was the issue with people closely linked with your poems. He takes his time picking between different sugars, steering the coffee slow enough to buy him at least one more minute.

Pushing the bills to Suho he takes a sip. “There is a website called Nora, it had lots of good poetry. I've read some.”

Suho nods following Sehun out of the café promising to deliver the message to Hoseok. Once locked up he slides back into the booth watching Hoseok pack his belongings ready to call it a day. “This costumer told me about Nora site. You should give a shot.”

“Nora?” Hoseok mocks, he heard of all the websites used for writing but Nora didn’t ring a bell.

“I think it’s new. I’ve never heard of it but he seemed sure of his words. The worst that can happen is he lied and knowing Sehun that’s unlikely.”

Hoseok nods eager to go back home to his cat Nobus and prepare himself a warm bath to release the tension built up in his muscles. Waving goodbye to Sehun, he exits the shop from the back door and turns on the engine of his car driving away to the beat of classical music easing him.

Entering his small apartment located in the centre of Seoul, he throws his shoes to the side not bothering for order tonight. Slouching himself on the couch he pets Nobus, the cat bumping his head against his arm purring softly. With eyelids half closed he opens the website on his phone, picking poetry as his preferred category.

Selecting a random writer he opens the first poem, eyes scanning the text.

 I love you             like the habit I picked up in college                  of sleeping through lectures                  or saying I’m sorry                  when I get stopped for speeding             because I drink a glass of water                  in the morning                  and chain-smoke cigarettes                  all through the day             because I take my coffee Black                  and my milk with chocolate             because you keep my feet warm                  though my life a mess I love you             because deep down I know                  you'll never be mine again   (author of the poem: Nikki Giovanni, I added three last sentences)*

With every word that Hoseok took in he felt himself back in university, all drunk on the idea of loving the girl that sat two seats in front of him during microeconomics. He relives the ecstasy of having love running through his veins, he feels the desire under his fingertips for just one touch, he crumbles at the pain of finding her kissing his best friend. Hoseok feels like his heart had been ripped apart with just few simple letters placed in a neat poem.

He sees the words meraki scribbled in a messy handwriting under the poem and he feels as if his prayers have been answered.

[catxsnow]

FIFTH TRY IS THE CHARM

Request: You my lovely are an incredible writer!! If you have the time, can I please request a Bruce Wayne x reader (who knows about his identity) where Bruce tries to propose throughout the day but keeps getting interrupted by Bat-emergencies and eventually the proposal just ends up being somewhere totally random like in the bat-mobile? Thank you x1000 in advance!! Can't wait to read more of your stuff!

Warning: fluff

A/N: I’m tired of being stuck at home 

Word count: 2.7k

Bruce Wayne wasn't necessarily the most romantic man.

For the media, he exuded romance, but in real life that often wasn't the case. Bruce was busy man between running Wayne Enterprises and his life as Batman. He had an insane family to take care of and had his own part in the Justice League. Bruce didn't have time to be romantic, even when it came to you.

You had been with him since Tim Drake had come into his life. You helped him raise his kids and even his own blood son. You knew Bruce better than anyone. For years you were his partner in life, his lover. He had dropped the playboy facade and became head over heels in love with you.

Throughout the years, he showed that he could be romantic. On times that Gotham was quite and he could trust Dick to take care of the city, he would take you half way across the world to sit on a beach and drink pina coladas all day. Sunset walks on the beach and surprise breakfast in bed. Bruce knew he could be romantic, and most times he wished he showed it off more often.

You deserved every ounce of cheesy romance in the world, and he hated that he couldn't give it to you.

So, Bruce did everything he could. He took you to the most lavish, expensive restaurants that he could find in Gotham just to see you all dressed up. When Gala's approached, he would buy you the most beautiful outfit that would outshine everyone. He spoiled you with riches without knowing that all you cared for was his company.

Bruce wanted to make things right by you, and the best way that he could do that, was to ask for your hand in marriage. Bruce loved you, he wanted the whole world to know that he loved you.

He had the perfect plan in his head. Take you for some spontaneous vacation on a hot desolate beach and ask you just as the sun turned the sea magnificent colours of purple and pink. You hadn't even made it half way across the country when he was called back for important bat business.

As disappointed as you were, you had never seen Bruce so distraught to be called back to a mission. Without thinking much of it, you let his odd behaviour slide thinking that he just wanted to treat you. In many ways, he had made it up to you that night - but not in the way that he had originally intended.

The second try involved taking you to your favourite restaurant in the city. It stood high off the ground and overlooked the Gotham. It was the few times that you understood why Bruce leaped from buildings to building, the view was amazing. He never understood why you liked that place so much until you told him.

Bruce sat across from you in the dim lit restaurant. One hand in his lap with a ring between his fingers and the other clasped with yours. A smile lit up his face like none you had ever seen before. He seemed happier than usual, and you couldn't figure out why. Nonetheless, you took full advantage of it.

If Bruce was happy, you were happy.

It didn't last long. Just as Bruce was about to speak, to finally ask you to marry him, your gaze overlooked the cloudy night sky. The infamous bat-signal shone bright. You sighed, aware of what this meant for him. Bruce squeezed your hand, wishing that he didn't have to go. This was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Stay safe, I love you," you kissed him before he rushed off. As much as you were used to him leaving you like this, it still hurt every time. It wasn't fair that the city always needed him, they didn't deserve him. Yet, he still came, because that was the type of man that he was. Bruce was Gotham's savior, just as he was yours.

But like every savior, when duty calls, they must attend.

It was hard sitting on the sidelines so many times when Bruce put his life in danger. You hated seeing him come home at night with new cuts and bruises. When particularly bad nights occurred and he came home broken and destroyed. It was impossible seeing the man you loved hurt all the time, and yet you dealt with it every day.

So, just as many of your dates went, you left to go home while Bruce was risking his life once again. You didn't know when he would return, or what shape he would be in when he did. However, as long as he came home, that was all that mattered.

Just as you expected, Alfred was down in the cave, monitoring all of Bruce's moves. You stood behind him, watching the heart monitor like your life depended on it. There was constant fear that one day it would stop. You hoped that day never to come.

><

After several days of Bruce trying to recuperate from yet another failed attempt to ask you to marry him, he devised a new plan. Although it wasn't as romantic as he wanted it to be, within the comfort of your own home would surely lead him to be able to finally ask you.

Bruce knew that one of your favourite times with him was when he was willing to stay those few extra minutes longer in bed with you in the mornings. You loved when he let loose and was allow himself to enjoy you cuddled into his side. Those few minutes never seemed like much, but he knew that they were so important to you.

He had thought about it the night before. A night filled with an extensive time to make you happy and feeling good. Bruce slept with the ring safely tucked away in his nightstand drawer and a smile on his face. The next day, he was going to ask you to marry him, finally.

You and Bruce laid naked in his sheets. Your leg was cast over his as he leaned up against the headboard. Absentmindedly, you traced the scars along his chest. Bruce could see why you liked these moments the most, it was the time that you truly felt like a normal couple rather than someone who saved the world every other week.

"Damian and I had a really nice time the other day," You told him. "He was telling me how he never baked cookies and so we decided to make them. It was nice, seeing him so mundane like that. I think he finally felt like a normal kid for just a little while."

That was another thing Bruce loved about you. You loved his kids. Damian might not have been your own, but you sure as hell treated him as if he was, just like you had everyone else. Even Dick and Jason, who you had no part in raising were always happy to see you. That was so important to him.

You hadn't noticed Bruce reach over to his bedside table until the phone on it began ringing. Bruce's hand dropped against his bed and a loud sigh escaped his lips. Of course, something had to ruin it again. Reluctantly, he picked up his cell and answered whoever was at the other end of the line.

"It's Dick," Bruce announced as he set his phone down on the table. The hand that wasn't resting on your waist dragged down his face. If Dick didn't sound so urgent over the phone, he wouldn't have even considered leaving you. However, when his son was in trouble, he knew h "I've got to go."

"It's okay, my love," You assured him, honestly. Bruce leaned down to kiss you, he was filled with longing to stay with you. As your hand cupped his face, he knew that if he kissed you any longer, he wouldn't be able to leave. Your touch was intoxicating, and he could never get enough of it. "Even if our moments together are brief, they make up for every second apart."

"You deserve better," Bruce sighed. Getting called away so many times like this just reminded him how little you truly got to be with him. It made him wonder if this was a sign that he shouldn't ask for your utter dedication. Maybe you did deserve better than him, you deserved someone that would be there for you at every turn.

The harsh realization struck him hard, but just as always, you were there to change his mind. You were the one who constantly reminded him of the bright side of thing when he struggled the most.

"I deserve better than a man who's willing to give his life to protect the world? Not many people would be willing to do what you do, Bruce," you sat up straighter in your bed so you were eye level with him. "If anything, It's me who doesn't deserve you. I told you before, I know what I signed up for. Sometimes you have to leave, and sometimes you get to stay."

"I love you," Bruce felt himself melt. It was one of those rare times that he forgot about the Bat, the heavy weight of his company. It was you, and only you that was in his heart and mind. "I promise I'll be back as soon as I can."

"As long as you come back."

><

Bruce was getting beyond frustrated. He had attempted once more, this time ending in the same result of being called into the line of duty before popping the question. That time had been when you had taken over the kitchen for the night to make dinner for your family that still lived in the Manor.

Bruce had found you, music playing softly in the background. He scared the ever living hell out of you as he silently wrapped his arms around your waist. As soon as you realized it was him, you leaned into his body and the kisses he was leaving on your bare neck. He pulled you into a dance, swaying around the large kitchen space.

As the song ended, Bruce toyed with the ring in his pocket once more, ready to ask again. Just as he was about to pull it out, Alfred had made a presence and informed him that he was needed once more. With a disappointed sigh and a chaste kiss, Bruce was off once more.

He didn't know if he could handle a fifth time of getting interrupted.

It seemed like the next seventy-two hours that followed you had been constantly apart. He barely got the chance to kiss you, much less ask if you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. Bruce hated this wait, if it was acceptable to send it over text, he would have at this point.

He told himself, the next time he saw you for longer than ten minutes, he was going to ask. No matter where you were or what either of you looked like. Bruce was at his turning point, he needed to propose. The ring was burning a hole in his pocket and he couldn't stand it any longer.

You waited in the Batcave patiently for Bruce to get back. Damian was in Metropolis with Jon and you had told Alfred to take the night off. You could handle being the man in the chair for one night - and if anything went wrong he wasn't too far away. Since it was just the two of you, Bruce seemed to be a little more chatty than he normal was.

He would say how beautiful you looked sitting there, watching over him - even though he couldn't see you. His flirty side came out and you couldn't help but reminisce about the time that you had first met him. Bruce had made you swoon with his words, and it seemed that after all these years he still had the same effect.

Thankfully, the night had been quiet and Bruce didn't run into much trouble. That meant two things that you were happy about: he wouldn't come home with any deadly wounds and he would get to come back to you early. Bruce seemed eager to get back to you as well - you assumed it was just to get you in bed.

It didn't take long for the batmobile to pull up to a stop. Bruce leaped out with ease and pulled his cowl down. He felt as if he wasted this moment that he would never get another. Every opportunity had been taken from him and if there was one thing to know about Bruce Wayne, he always got what he wanted.

He approached the chair that you were stationed at, surprised that you hadn't made a move since his appearance. Bruce couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. Your arms were crossed on the computer and your head rested on them. Eyes sealed shut and heavy breaths passing your lips. You had fallen asleep.

Bruce nearly wanted to curse at the irony. As soon as you both had a moment alone, you had fallen asleep - ruining his chance once more. With a sigh, Bruce peeled of his Bat suit and carefully picked you up from the chair. Your head lulled against his chest and your knees tucked over his arms.

You stirred the second he took a step. Bruce paused, waiting to see if you were going to fall back asleep or wake up fully. It seemed to be the latter as your eyes popped open and met with his blues. A smile spread on your lips - you hand't meant to fall asleep but you were pleased by the way you had awoken.

"Hey, baby," Your voice was a little slurred from still waking up. You snuggled into his chest for a brief moment before requesting to be put down. Bruce careful did as he was told, gentle after a night of aggression. "Good night?"

"Better now that I'm with you," Bruce assured. You stretched your arms out and cracked your neck. Although you weren't sitting there for very long, it had made you stiff. Your eyes sealed shut with a big yawn - sleep still wanted to take you.

However, when you opened your eyes, you were no longer looking at Bruce's chest. He was knelt down on the ground, but that wasn't what caught your attention - it was the big, beautiful ring that was between his two fingers.

"Bruce!" You gasped. This didn't seem like the time, or place for him to be asking you to marry him. However, you didn't know about his struggles to get there, or that he felt as if he was running out of time. This moment, although not perfect, was exactly what he needed.

"(Y/N) (L/N), will you marry me?" Bruce asked. A massive grin spread across your face. You could feel your eyes burning with tears at the sheer joy that coursed through you. Marrying Bruce was always something you wanted, and now, you were going to get it. You were going to be his, now and forever.

"Yes!" You excitedly agreed. Bruce slipped the diamond on your ring finger. Without hesitating, he brought you into a kiss. His hands slipped down your sides until they grasped the bottom of your thighs. Bruce hoisted you up so your legs were tightly wrapped around his waist without even breaking the kiss.

Your fingers glided through his hair, tugging at the roots as he squeezed your butt. The distance from the cave to his bed seemed far too large. Bruce needed you, he needed to kiss every inch of your skin and devour you. This love that he had, it amplified the second that you said yes to marrying him.

Bruce might not have been the most romantic, but he sure as hell was going to try his hardest for the rest of his life with you.

[smokahuntis]

A girl who almost changed her name

Pairing: Javier peña x reader (pt.4)

Warnings: mentions of guns, mentions of arranged marriage

Summery: Javier goes back to work believing everything is fine until he gets a worrying phone call

Javier was at his apartment with Steve, working on some things about Escobar. Tho he was working here, his mind was somewhere else. He couldn’t get her out of his head, he never could.

That morning he woke up in bed with her, wrapped up in the sheets with the women he could finally say he loved. He smiled seeing her sleep so peacefully on his chest, kissing her head softly before just enjoying the embrace.

Soon, she woke up and stretched slowly before looking up at her boyfriend. She smiled softly and kissed his lips as he hummed. “Good morning” she whispered.

“Good morning to you too” he chuckled and hugged her tightly before sitting up.

“Do you have to go to work?” She asked as she laid back, he nodded and grabbed clean clothes from his drawer.

“I’ll be back this evening, okay?” He said as he got dressed and sprayed on her favorite cologne. She nodded and got up, walking over and kissing his cheek softly.

“Be careful” she whispered, he gave her a look.

“I’m always careful.” He replied as he fixed his hair and watched her in the mirror.

“That’s a lie and we both know it” she chuckled and he nodded.

“I’ll be good” he kissed her chastely before leaving.

While Javier was gone that day (y/n) went to the market to get some groceries and fresh fruits. As she grabbed some grapefruit from the local vendors she started to notice something familiar from the corner of her eye. A man she had seen frequently today a few stalls down from her. She shook it off, knowing it was possible he just had a similar grocery list as her, but he had no bag. He had nothing on him at all, but a gun tucked away in his pants. She glanced him over before she started to walk away faster, trying to get back to her car soon as possible.

It could be nothing, it could be a man after someone else but even then, in Colombia she didn’t want to risk it. So quickly she got to her car as fast as she could, getting in with her food she called Javier. Fumbling with her phone as she fetched it from her purse. Finally calling the number she had familiarized so well.

“Peña” Javier answered as he picked up, she heard him on the other line, the ruffling of his clothes as he laid the phone between his head and shoulder.

“Javier- it’s me - I- I need you to come down to the market...” she said a little frantic as she looked around to try and find the man again, just to have eyes on him.

“Baby?” He asked becoming more alert as he heard her tone, now holding the phone to his ear. “What’s going on?”

“It- it’s probably nothing but... there’s this guy- I keep seeing him everywhere today and he.. he has a gun” she whispered. Javier was quick to stand and grab his gun from his desk and tuck it into his belt, pulling Steve’s attention quickly causing him to do the same.

“Listen, stay in the car, I’ll be there soon. I promise” he said sweetly, trying to reassure her.

“O-okay...” she whispered before the line went dead. She tried to distract herself, looking around to try and spot the man but also to look away from him. She was terrified, what if he was after her.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked as they went out to the truck and quickly jumped in.

“A... a friend of mine thinks someone is following her” he said pulling out onto the hot Colombia concrete.

“A friend huh?” Steve asked watching him.

“Yea... a friend” Javier said just focusing on getting to the market as quickly as possible. There were many markets in Colombia but he knew which one she went to, he started going with her when he could. He liked helping pick out ingredients for dinner, sometimes he’d get random things for her just to test her skills in the kitchen.

“What’s this ones name” Steve asked as he watched Javier.

“Her name is (y/n) and do not refer to her as this one, okay?” He said with a scoff at the end as he sped up.

“Defensive...who is she” he asked.

“She’s someone important, okay?”

“An informant?” Steve wondered out loud

“No! Why the hell do you care” Javier growled as they got close.

“Because I’ve never seen you act so quickly on something like this” Steve said getting his gun ready.

“She’s my girlfriend okay? Are you happy” he said as he got out of the car quickly, leaving Steve in shock.

“You have a girlfriend?!” He asked as he got out and followed him.

“Yea and if we don’t hurry and find her I will have had a girlfriend. now shut up and come on” Javier barked at him protectively as he went to find the little black car he became familiar with.

Steve admired the way Javier was acting, It was out of instinct. Out of protection. He’s seen the way Javier protects his girls but something about this was different, he could see it in his partners eyes. This was out of character and Steve liked that. Maybe Javier did have a heart.

(Y/n) looked up seeing Javier looking around for her, quickly she hit out of the car and yelled for him. Catching his attention, and the attention of the follower. Javier looked over at her just as his eyes caught sight of the man he knew all to well. Steve followed javiers eyes and nodded.

“Go get her, I’ll follow him” Steve said before running in Poisons direction. Meanwhile Javier sprinted to (y/n). His large arms consuming her in a hug.

“Are you alright?” He asked as he held the back of her head and her waist. She nodded and sighed.

“I’m okay- I’m okay” she whispered and hugged him back, hiding her face in his chest as she relaxed.

“How long has he been following you?” He asked pulling away from a moment to check her face, just to see her.

“I - I don’t know” she stumbles over her words trying to think about it “I first saw him when I was getting my herbs...” she whispered looking at Javier. That was the first thing she always did, she liked fresh herbs. If she could grow them she would buy Javier was quick to find out so was no good with plants.

“You won’t think he- he knows where I live do you?” She asked worriedly.

“I don’t know but you’re staying with me tonight... not that it makes much difference but just to be safe...” he said holding her face gently, pushing her hair back. She nodded and looked at him before looking back in the direction Steve and poison ran.

“Let’s get you home...” he said helping her back in the car and driving her to her house. His hand laid on her thigh the whole time, not sexually but in an almost protective way.

“Do you know why that man would’ve followed you...” Javier asked as he broke the silence. She shook her head looking out the window. “It’ll be okay” he said holding her hand now. Lacing their fingers together as he drove.

“I’m sorry...” she whispered.

“For what” he asked as he pulled into her apartment.

“I... I lied... I do know him” she whispered looking at him with soft eyes, tears welling up in the corners

“You do?” He asked worriedly now. “How?”

“I ... I almost married his brother... I didn’t recognize him at first because he’s grown up so much from then- I... I saw it before Steve went after him.... I know him” she admitted as a little tear slipped down her cheek. His thumb came up and wiped it away gently, leaving his hand there to rest on her cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell me...” he asked quietly

“Because I- I didn’t- I didn’t know at first-“

“About the marriage...” he cut her off and she looked at him in the eyes, fear racing threw her.

“Because I... I didn’t want you to hate me” she said with a trembling voice.

“Why would I hate you?” He asked confused

“Because there’s more to it the that...” she sighed and looked at her hands. “It was an arranged marriage... but a few months before he started bringing me around more so we could get to know each other. That’s when I realized what he was... I told my parents and they didn’t believe me so I went to the cops... of course at the time pablo had them all under his thumb so they almost handed me over to him” she bit her lip and sighed “then I found Carillo, he put me into protection, and put me across the street from you guys. Put me in a nice neighborhood, changed my name, gave me a nice car... My real name is (y/n)... I told you the truth- I shouldn’t have but I know what you did... I’d seen your badge a few times before so I didn’t care... but really I’m supposed to tell people I’m ‘(y/f/n)’...”

Javier just watched her and took in the story as he tried to think. “Why didn’t he tell me I was watching someone?”

“Because you weren’t the one watching me...” she looked over at him again. “It’s... Carla... the house cleaning lady for our apartments... she’s my Marshal” she said quietly

“Carla?! She’s a marshal?!” He asked I’m surprise “I have been tipping this lady for years now and she gets paid more then me?!” He said looking at her in disbelief. She giggled, actually giggled at him. Shaking her head before she sighed.

“She’s also not house cleaning she just kinda hates the mess, so you should continue to tip her... because she’s doing that for free... she also lives in a few apartments down” she said softly. “You should really pay more attention, baby” she smiled at him and took his hand again.

“I’m seeing that now... holy shit” he leaned back and sighed before they fell back into silence.

“Why didn’t they move you to the states?” He asked after a moment.

“I’m not sure... i asked Carla before and she didn’t have an answer either” she looked at him. He nodded and sighed, he never fully trusted Carillo but he trusted him enough.

“You know... I almost got married once” he admitted as the sun started to set in Colombia. She looked at him in shock he chuckled at her reaction and continued.

“Yea I know, shocker to me too... but I loved her... I really did and then... that moment came we were meant to go to the church and I just... I couldn’t do it...” he admitted looking at her “I left her there... like a complete ass hole and sometimes I regret every moment of it... but not now” he said looking at her with soft eyes, looking her over.

“I wouldn’t have had the chance ... with you... if I didn’t leave her” he whispered. She smiled at him softly and nodded.

“I’m glad you did... but if you ever do that to me Javier Peña, I will hunt you down and strip you of your manhood” she threatened. He nodded and quickly Opened the car door.

“Aaaanyways, let’s get your things. You get some clothes and I’ll get the cats stuff okay?” He smiled and hurried inside from the threatening women. She chuckled at him and went insides to collect her things.

She was glad she didn’t change her name

Tag list: @thinemineours s @morgannope e @thisis-theway @onabouteverything @blxwjobsforclones @a-dorin @everythinggeeky @jedi-jesi i i @letaliabane @oberynfuckingmartell @read-and-rec

[queen-scribbles]

Jinx!

Remember when I talked about the idea of Janine and Felix jinxing each other when they go to propose at the same time? Yeah, what better day to share the result with the world than Felix’s birthday :D

------------

Janine didn’t think she’d ever seen Felix voluntarily sit still this long in all the time she’d known him. If he were human she’d be wondering if he’d fallen asleep. And they weren’t even watching a movie or anything.

That had been the plan when Nate shooed them out of the kitchen, but then they’d plunked down on Felix’s bed all cuddled up and neither could be arsed to find the remote. This was good, too. And surprised as she was at him not turning into a fidgety mess after two minutes, she was enjoying it too much to tease. They so rarely got to just be, without peril and running around and other stuff. This was nice.

“I like having you all to myself,” she commented, snuggling closer.

Felix didn’t reply, and Janine arched a brow. Maybe he had actually fallen asleep.

“Babe.” She poked him in the ribs and he yelped as he twitched away. “Ah, you are awake.”

“Yeah, sorry, I was thinking. About how amazing you are,” he added before she could ask, tone genuine and mischief in his eyes.

Janine giggled. Anyone else, she’d think they were buttering her up with a line like that out of the blue, but not him. “Well, don’t let me distract you.”

Felix grinned at her. “By all means, babe, distract away.”

“In that case...” Janine rolled from her position tucked under his arm to straddle his lap, her skirt pooling over his legs and her arms loosely around his neck. “Care to stroke my ego a little and share what makes me amazing?”

“Aside from everything?” Felix snorted, but the sincerity in his eyes belied the teasing tone. “Your smile, your laugh, the way you wanna help people...” his arms slid around her waist, “...your happiness, you have a way with words that could charm a banshee out of a snit” --he stole a kiss-- “But I’m glad you decided I was a better use of your talents.” Another kiss, slightly longer. “What else.... that little wiggly-bounce you do when you’re excited. And you have great taste in men-”

She kissed him, hands braced against the wall, then laughed, giddy, breathless, overwhelmed he’d reeled that off so quickly. “That’s quite a list.”

“Didn’t get to my favorite one yet,” Felix murmured, breath warm against her cheek. “You stuck around.”

“Felix...” She kissed him again, one hand curving the back of his neck and her thumb brushing over the hair at his nape. “I’m not going anywhere,” she promised softly, resting her forehead against his. “I like the rest of the team too much, and I love you.”

His breath caught, pulse jumping against her fingertips. “I love you, too.”

She loved when he said it like that; like it was a secret just for them, a treasure too precious by half, a truth that couldn’t be contained in words. It made her heart swell, made her want to throw caution to the wind, shout from the roof of the warehouse, something to tell him and the world how much he meant to her.

There was something. It was the very definition of throwing caution to the wind, of impulsivity, but there wasn’t anything wrong with that. “Felix-”

“Janine-”

“Will you marry me?” One question fell from two pairs of lips in the same moment, and all other emotions--surprise, elation, wild excitement--were momentarily eclipsed by playground rules from when she was six, and Janine whooped, “Jinx!”

At the same moment as Felix.

Half a second later, realization clawed out from under schoolgirl habit and grey eyes met gold, both wide with glee and horror in equal measure.

Shit. Janine clapped  hand over her mouth to hold back a giggle. What do we do?! she tried to ask with just her eyes. If vampires, werewolves, and various other supernatural forces were real, no way in hell was she messing with a jinx. It might actually give her bad luck.

Felix looked just as flummoxed--and amused--as she felt. He shrugged and bit his lip. Great.

Janine’s phone chimed as she tried to work out the easiest way to fix this  When she wiggled it out of her pocket, there was a text from Tina. Need you at the station. Should be quick 🤞. She wrinkled her nose and turned the phone to show Felix the text.

He nodded, eyes still laughing, and tugged her in for one more quick kiss before she climbed off the bed and hunted down her flats.

This might be a good thing, she mused as she headed for her car. If Tina greeted her by name it would break the jinx, she could handle this ‘quick’ problem, and come back to say ‘Yes, Felix’ and unjinx him if he still needed it. Yeah, this was good. 

---

Tina greeted her with an apologetic smile. “Hey. sorry to bother you on your day off, but the Captain decided these need to go to the big city” --she jostled the case files in her arms-- “and I need the detective’s signature.”

Janine nodded, fighting down  glower that Tina hadn’t used her name(but of course today would fall in the handful of occasions that happened). She got a pen from her desk and spread the files out to start signing off. There were only five, and Tina kept up a stream of chatter about her post-shift plans--never once saying Janine in the whole ramble. It was as she finished checking and signed the last file Tina poked her in the shoulder.

“Hey. You’re being awful quiet,” she pointed out, brow furrowed. “Are you mad at me?”

Janine shook her head..

Tina’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Just not feeling chatty today?”

Janine wrinkled her nose and shrugged, and Tina’s eyes lit up.

“Oh, my god, you got jinxed, didn’t you?!” she crowed as she collected the files.

Janine huffed grumpily and raked back hair that had fallen from her bun.

Tina grinned. “Who got you?”

Janine curved her hands to form a heart against her chest and fluttered her eyelashes.

“Felix?!” Tina’s grin went wider and decidedly mischievous “So I guess now you need to be unjinxed, huh?”

Janine nodded, pressing her palms together in a pleading gesture.

Tina tapped one finger against her chin and smirked. “Now, let’s see, what do I want in return for this favor....? Any ideas, J- oh, right, I’m on my own for this one.”

Janine pouted and lightly whacked her friend’s shoulder in protest. That’s not fair!

“I’d play nice if I were you, my friend,” Tina teased, wagging a finger. “Give me another second to think.”

Janine managed to control herself while Tina stroked her chin in exaggerated thought, but internally she was making strangling motions.

“I know,” Tina finally said with a giggle. “How’s a baker’s dozen pastries from Haley’s sound? Fair trade?”

You and your sweet tooth. Janine bit back a smile as she nodded. If that’s what it takes, fine.

“Promise?”

She rolled her eyes and made a heart-crossing gesture. Best I can do.

Tina grinned. “You’re the best, Janine.”

“No, you are,” Janine said fervently, wrapping her in a quick, tight hug. “I’ll get you the pastries tomorrow when they’re fresh, right now I have to go.” She darted for the door. “Thanks, Tina!”

“You’re making me think I should have aimed higher!” Tina hollered after her. “Like rights on being your bloody maid of honor or something!” 

Janine snorted a laugh at the irony but didn’t even slow down.  She could explain later.

----

Felix had never been good at patience, but this was even worse than usual. He paced his room with bouncing steps for all of thirty seconds before even that wasn’t enough and he headed out to find... someone.

Mason was on patrol, Rebecca had been called to some meeting.... Maybe if he tried to sneak back into the kitchen he could get Nate to scold him and that would do the trick.

But Nate wasn’t in the kitchen anymore when Felix got there. His face crinkled in disappointment and he lightly kicked the bottom edge of the counter.

He needed to be unjinxed by the time Janine got back. Even if this quick problem stayed quick to fix, he didn’t want to wait. He wanted to be able say ‘Yes, absolutely, just try to stop me!’ as soon as she walked in.

Of course, the fact they’d both asked was sort of a yes on its own, wasn’t it? Felix eyed the fresh tray of cookies sitting atop the stove and shook his head. Didn’t matter. He wanted to actually say it.

Denied freedom via scolding, Felix wandered back out of the kitchen in search of Nate or Adam or somebody. The few agents he passed in his quest nodded politely but all looked too preoccupied to stop and help him. Somewhere in his random meanderings, he started picking up the sound of rhythmic blows and he grinned. Shoulda know Adam would be working out. His route became much more deliberate as he started making his way to the training room.

Adam was clearly focused--though no doubt noticed he had company--so Felix waited by one of the benches for a... safer feeling moment to finagle what he needed out of the team leader. It didn’t take long--though it felt like an eternity to Felix--for Adam to finish the series of moves he’d been... rehearsing? Practicing? Whatever you’d call it, he’d actually left the practice dummy in one piece this time. Normally Felix would jokingly applaud his restraint just to get an eyeroll. 

“Did you need something?” Adam asked without turning around. He wasn’t even breathing hard.

Felix wrinkled his nose and hunched his shoulders. This isn’t gonna work unless you look at me, he grumbled silently.

Adam turned with a frown creasing his brow. “I do not feel like playing games, Felix. What-”

Yes! Felix pumped one fist and grinned. “No, nothing, I’m good, thanks.” That was easier than I thought it would be.

Adam’s frown deepened, suspicion mingled with annoyance now. “Then why are you here?”

“Don’t worry about it, not important anymore.” Felix started edging toward the door.

“Felix.”

“Ugh, fine.” Adam was going to think this was silly, he knew he would, but the older vampire looked ready to haul him up by his collar and let him dangle until he explained. He wouldn’t, probably, but explaining was the path of least resistance, and Felix was fond of those. Knew I shoulda looked for Nate.

Just as he opened his mouth, however, the training room door burst open to reveal Janine, loose wisps of hair hanging in her face and determined excitement burning so bright in her grey eyes it brought out the matching stripes in her dress. She hesitated a fraction of a second after catching his eye, probably worried about a repeat.

Felix was too excited to share her concern and launched himself toward her with a loudly whooped, “YES!!!”

She was giggling as he crashed into her, as she stumbled back into the door, as their hands latched onto each others’ clothes, laughing as she kissed him, deep enough he saw fireworks. Which was fitting because this deserved celebration.

It wasn’t until a deep, long-suffering sigh rumbled out of Adam they remembered they had an audience. “Do I want to know?”

Felix and Janine broke apart, grinned at each other, and both started rattling off explanations. Felix shut up a few sentences in; Janine was doing a much better job explaining that he would have. Besides, this way he got to look at her. At the way her eyes lit up, the extra wisps of hair curling and bobbing around her face as she reeled off an enthusiastic play by play of the events leading to now. She looked like she was glowing, or maybe that was just the light through the high windows, but Felix liked the thought of her glowing better.

Adam had a very skeptical eyebrow arched by the time she finished. “Jinxes are mere superstition, Detective. They cannot cause you harm because they are not real.”

“Says the vampire,” Janine shot back immediately with a grin and arched brow of her own.

Felix barely swallowed a whoop as he slung an arm around her shoulders and turned to grin at Adam. “She makes an excellent point.”

“Supernatural races existing outside legend is a different matter entirely,” Adam insisted, then shook his head as if dismissing the matter entirely. He ran a searching look over the two of them. “This... development will bring up things to discuss, but,” one corner of his mouth tipped upward. “I am happy, for both of you.”

“Thanks, I’m happy for us, too,” Janine said brightly, shuffling herself and Felix out of the way as Adam headed for the door.

“Me, three,” Felix chipped in, kissing her on the cheek.

One small chuckle escaped Adam, and he offered them a single nod of approval before he left the room. Soon as the door closed behind him, Janine;s fingers dug into Felix’s scarf and she kissed him deeply, soundly, long enough to set lights sparking behind his eyes.

“Fireworks,” he whispered mischievously, and she grinned and kissed him again so they could see some more.