#but still feeling better about it. it just takes me a looooong time to get places

[soft4gguk]

to build a home | chapter fifteen

Pairing: Jungkook x reader. ceo!jk + dilf!jk x nanny!oc

Genre: strangers to lovers. angst. fluff. smut.

Word count: 12.2k

Warnings: oof. let me keep it brief so i don’t spoil too much! it’s angsty. a looooong walk down memory lane. reminiscing. its kinda sad. but lucy’s holds oc through it all! bathroom quickie lol. unprotected sex (do better ok). a lil choking. a lil spanking. jk being an ass man!!!!! team mingyus u get to see ur boy!!! big gasp towards the end. 

Author’s note:  oh, boy! what have i DONE? lol. i’m not gonna say much. only that i love y’all with all my heart and i truly cannot wait to book club the fuck out of this chappie. sending x’s & o’s your way, always!!!!! <33333

This is a work of fiction. Please respect the members and their privacy. x

Chapter Fifteen

In the forty minutes you sleep, you manage to dream. It’s soft, tender and blue. It’s the ocean and Jungkook’s face, the sand on your toes, on your hands, falling from your fingers and getting caught in the wind, some landing on your face. He calls your name, beckoning you over, smile inviting as he walks backwards into the vastness of the sea. You smile, on your feet in no time before you’re running towards him, feet splashing salty water all over as you join him. You’re in his arms the second you’re close enough to him, legs wrapped around his waist as he lets his body fall into the water, deep, blue, your body never letting go of his. 

Your eyes open gently, head on his chest in the same position you’d fallen asleep in. Soori’s babbles coming from the baby monitor sound muffled as you incorporate yourself back into consciousness. Jungkook’s body is warm against the palm of your hand, breath steady as his chest rises and falls. You look up at him, not ready to leave his side, not ready to do what your brain demands of you the moment you start slipping into wakefulness. You close your eyes, snuggle your head in his chest once more, arm wrapping around him as you pull him closer to you ever so gently. He reciprocates your actions in his sleep, arm wrapping tighter around you as his head sinks further into the pillows. Soori’s not crying, you could probably stay like this for twenty more minutes, wrapped in his arms, closing your eyes and letting your mind and body be consumed with him so you don’t have to think. To really think. 

But you know it’s no use. You know that it’s over, whether you grant yourself the thirty minutes or not. It makes your heart ache, too weak to feel anger anymore. Too weak to even protest and try to put up a fight. You feel tears well up in the corner of yours eyes, and if you let them fall now, they won’t be able to stop. You pull away from him, your movements gentle as to not wake him up. You feel the bed move, making you stop in your tracks and glancing back to make sure he’s not awake. He simply lays on his side, snuggling himself into a pillow, his breathing letting you know that he’s still in deep sleep. You let yourself look at him, taking in his face, his body. He’s so beautiful it hurts. He’s so beautiful your heart begins to regain its strength some, becoming aware of him, swimming through the mud, about to beg you to keep going. But your brain is faster as you close your eyes, turning around and heading for the door. God, it hurts. It hurts to wake up, it hurts to walk. It hurts to feel him all over your body, the traces of the night you just shared still taking over your senses. His smell, his touch, the exhaustion that takes over you that borders as sweet because your body remains in that fucked out bliss only he knows how to put you in. 

The most reasonable part of you begs you to be strong. 

The most tender part of you begs you to turn back around.

You leave his room. 

You’re basically on your tiptoes, closing the door behind you gently, abstaining from making any noise. You think you manage pretty well, chanting victory a little too soon as you turn around and pretty much jump in place, hand coming to your mouth as you let out a yelp at the sight of Lucy standing in the hallway. 

“Good morning,” she says, jutting her hip out and tapping her feet on the ground as she crosses her arms in front of her body. 

“You scared the living shit out of me,” you whisper yell at her. 

“Of course I did, because you just got caught.”

You sigh, admitting defeat. “Come get Soori with me. She’s awake.”

“Will you explain?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” she says, opening the door to your room. “Put some pants on first. And panties.”

“Shit,” you say, looking back at Jungkook’s room. 

“No use now. He’s got himself a souvenir.”

“Don’t be witty right now,” you tell her, rummaging through your bags to find a pair of pants. And panties. 

“___, you were bawling your eyes out last night. I was literally scared you’d put yourself through dehydration or something. So imagine my surprise when Jimin wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me that it sounded like someone was doing construction work inside of Jungkook’s room.” 

You bring your hand to your mouth, eyes widening in surprise at her words. “Oh my God.”

“Relax. He went to get a glass of water, we couldn’t hear anything. I’m sure nobody did.”

“Thank God,” you sigh.

“That is not the point. What is going on, ___?”

“It’s a long story,” she’s about to protest, “I’ll tell you over breakfast. Let’s get Soori first, though.”

She lets out a sigh of relief. “Let’s.”

~

And so you begin the recount of events. 

As you get Soori out of bed, you begin to tell her about that night, omitting any explicit details, of course. You tell her how you told him you loved him, tell her about his silence, about the way you dismissed your words in fear he wouldn’t reciprocate them. She passes you one of Soori’s sundresses, a cute black and white polka dotted one. 

“And what happened then?” She asks, rummaging through the suitcase Jungkook had packed for her and looking for a bow to match. 

“He didn’t say it back.”

“Oh,” she says, face falling even though she knew that much would be true. 

“Yeah. I guess at first I was just trying for it not to… hurt as much as it did. Sunday was nice, we spent the whole day by the pool with Soo. I don’t know. It almost made me feel like I could live with it, you know? With the fact that he hadn’t said it back.”

“Yeah, I get you. We like to tell ourselves lies to keep our feelings at bay. It’s a woman thing.”

The three of you sit on the floor, Soori in the middle as you brush her hair and get to work on her little pigtails whilst Lucy plays with her, helping her stack her pink wooden cubes on top of one another. You tell her about your rollercoaster of emotions, going through a failed attempt at suppressing your feelings, then the feminine rage all the way to the sadness plummeting so hard through you it made you restless. 

“I should’ve known. Nobody sings Good Luck, Babe by Chappell Roan like that for no reason.”

You laugh, albeit weakly. “Don’t feel bad. I knew that the moment I told you, it’d be real.” 

“No, I get that. But I just can’t believe that you went through all of this by yourself. I wish I could’ve… been there.”

You put a hand on top of hers, Soori following in your steps as she puts her chubby hand on top of yours, making the both of you laugh. Lucy looks at Soori, then back at you, concern lacing her features as she asks,

“Then what happened?”

You make your way down the stairs, Soori on your hip as she babbles sweet nothings to her giraffe and Lucy follows suit. You tell her about the book you’d found in Jungkook’s living room, the one filled with pictures of him and Ira. 

“God, they were really in love, weren’t they?”

“Yeah. Seems like it.”

“What on Earth happened?” Lucy asks, making her way into the kitchen, reaching down to pick Soori’s giraffe up that she’d dropped, smiling at her as she places it back in her hands. 

“That’s the thing, I don’t know. I have no clue about what could’ve possibly driven her to…,” you halt your words, not wanting to finish the sentence in front of Soori, as oblivious as she was right now as you sat her down on her high chair. 

“Jimin has said things to me,” she starts, her words a bit weak. “I mean, nothing much. Or too specific. But he told me Jungkook tried. He told me he really tried. He was a good partner to her… just like he’s a good dad to Soori.”

“You know, it’s funny. I never once for a second thought he wasn’t.”

“I did. I mean- you know him better than I do. And it all sounded so complex to me I thought that maybe he’d driven her away. But Jimin- he talks about Ira with so much spite. Almost hatred. And they used to be close. I mean, she’s in a picture frame at his parents’ house, for God’s sake! He made them remove it, of course, but-” you take her words in, looking into her eyes. “I don’t know. He tried and she left. That’s all I’ve gathered from what he’s said.”

“Yeah. I guess the picture book really made me realize that… they’d loved each other. Very much.”

“What happened then?”

You look at her, a bit of shame lacing your features. You look at the kitchen counter, remembering that night. 

“Well,” you start and your tone of voice gives you away. 

“Oh, brother.”

You tell her about that night, in code, of course. Tell her about how it’d been a weak moment for you, how the little altercation you’d had before had set the mood for the tension to be released in one way or the other. And well, you were only human. A bit weak at times. You also tell her how it made you feel even sadder, though. How having him physically but not emotionally was really beginning to take a toll on you the more you pondered on your situation. You both get started with breakfast, cutting Soori’s fruit and putting some on her high chair before you get to frying eggs, mashing avocados, toasting bread, making coffee. You tell her about your sad girl hours, well into the night. 

“I’ve stalked all of Jimin’s exes on Instagram. It was pure torture. I can’t imagine having so much access to her on Google. I think it would send me spiraling,” she says, passing you the spatula. 

“Oh, it did. The worst part is that I couldn’t hate her. I mean, there she was, on my phone screen, looking perfect with her sweet, low voice, saying all the right things. How can I hate her?” You flip your egg.

“I’ve heard a lot of those things are fabricated, though.”

“I don’t know, Lu. The way Mai and Taehyung talk about her in that book… it was all adding up.”

She sighs, taking a sip of her latte, passing a tiny square of avocado toast to Soori that she’d cut up. She takes it, smiling at her, making her swoon. She gets your attachment to her now. She’s so sweet. 

You decide to take breakfast to the garden, the morning serene before you, sky settling into darker shades of Blue. The waves of the ocean can be heard from where you stand and the air feels fresh, clean. You tell her about Jungkook closing his deal, about the night you’d called her in a desperate bout, asking her what to wear. You tell her about Lily. She understands, doesn’t judge when you tell her how jealous you’d felt, how it’d made your blood boil as she threw innuendos at him. 

“Oh, I would’ve-,” she looks over at Soori, who blows a raspberry before shoving a piece of egg right into her mouth. “She would’ve heard a number from me, certainly.”

“What can I say, though? Yeah, Lily. Don’t flirt with my- my boss! Who I have romantic feelings for because he talks to me so very sweetly and he,” you look down at Soori. “He is really good at… frolicking me.”

She lets out a loud laugh, hand covering her mouth as she’s mid bite. “Fair enough. Ugh!”

You laugh a little, too. Your heart finding respite in your best friend. “I know. So annoying.”

“I mean, he is quite handsome, ___.”

“Yeah. I never wanted to get a paper bag over his head more.”

She chuckles at your words, shaking her head before she’s sighing for what feels like the millionth time today. “Then what happened?”

You look up at her, bringing your iced coffee to your lips and taking a sip. 

“We frolicked.”

“___! What is it with this vicious cycle you’re in?”

“I don’t know! It just keeps happening! In my defense, he just… frolicked me with his-,” you point at your tongue. “That’s all we did.”

“That is not the feminist act you think it is.”

You chuckle. “Trust me, I know.”

“But then again, I can’t blame you.”

“You should.”

“I would never.”

You smile at her. It’s almost funny, the way your chest feels a little lighter, the way you can laugh through it all, even as you walk down memory lane on some of the saddest days of your life. Lucy was magic. 

“I was emotionally hungover the next day. All I could think about was how I was standing under Ira’s shadow. How maybe… I don’t know, he’d never be able to love me the way he loved her.”

“I get that. I mean, those are some big shoes to fill. And it has nothing to do with you. It’s more so all the years they spent together, everything they went through, you know,” she nods in Soori’s direction, “the whole ass child they had together.”

“Yeah,” you sigh. 

“So… what exactly happened yesterday? You were in pretty bad shape.”

You tell her about Mingyu. About what Jungkook said to you. She flinches, eyes squinting as she viscerally reacts to his low blow. 

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. Ouch.”

“So much to unpack here.”

“Good luck trying.”

“I mean, he was jealous. Dare I say, he is jealous. And I mean, I can almost understand him. Not saying you did anything wrong, but he did walk inside his kitchen and there you were, drinking peppermint tea with his friend, wearing his navy blue Ralph Lauren sweater!”

“It was bad judgment on my part, I can admit. But also, I didn’t mean for it to mean anything. I was just… cold. And dumb.”

“You are not dumb. He’s dumb! Because if he would’ve been aware of you, if he got his head of out his ass then he would’ve been the one drinking peppermint tea with you and you would’ve been wearing his navy blue Ralph Lauren sweater. I bet you they have the same one.”

Her words make you laugh. “His words sure did sting, though.”

“Duh, no wonder. He was a bit brutal.”

“Like, does he really think I would do something like that?”

“And what if you did? I mean, ethically speaking, flirting with your boss’ friend is wrong. But, flirting with… a guy. At a BBQ? What’s wrong with that!”

“He’s his friend, Lucy.”

“And that’s what he gets for not making it exclusive and going back and forth with his little boy feelings! Playing with yours in the process!”

“It’s more complicated than that,” you defend.

“___,” she huffs, taking your hand in hers and looking into your eyes. “You are in a situationship.”

“Oh, God,” you gasp.

“With a grown ass man. A twenty eight year old male Paris Hilton.” You store that remark for when you need a laugh in the future, right now you’re too busy digesting her words. “Who also happens to be your boss. The person that puts food in your plate.”

“I know!”

“Yeah!”

“God!”

“Christ, even!”

“Fuck.” you whisper.

“I take it you guys didn’t really talk about what happened last night, you just got to… frolicking?”

“Yeah.” You lower your head in shame. “I just- I told myself that it was going to be the last time. That I’d confront him today- well, confront is a big word. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is. Plus, I have to think about Soori. I can’t leave her. We’re just gonna have to learn how to be civil about all of this.”

“So you’re breaking up with him?” She sounds surprised. You frown.

“Breaking up is a big word for Elmo. We are not together.”

She decides to store your remark for a future laugh, she’s too busy digesting your words right now. “Just like that?”

“Just like what, Lu? I mean, what else is there? I- I pour my heart out to him. I tell him I love him. I give him all the time in the world for him to say it back. Say anything back! And nothing. He doesn’t love me. And it’s hurting me, Lucy. It’s hurting me so bad. The uncertainty, the hiding, the back and forth. I don’t think I can take it any longer.”

Lucy takes it all in. Sees the pain in your eyes, hears the desperation in your words. She feels it, too. Not just because she’s your best friend, and truly, genuinely believes you guys are connected through celestial magic, but also because she knew the feeling a little too well. The heart ache, the restless feeling that takes over you when love isn’t reciprocated, the anxiety of it all. She knows what it feels like to be so close to giving up. 

“You’re right,” she says. “You’re right, ___. You don’t deserve any of it. You don’t deserve having to sit through the uncertainty, you don’t deserve to be with someone that keeps you a secret. You don’t deserve to feel any of what you’ve felt in these past couple of weeks.” Her saying the words back to you hurt more than you uttering them, and it makes you realize that you were perhaps hoping she’d say the opposite. “It must’ve been horrible – to bare your heart out to him like that and not hearing it back. It must’ve been horrible to have to see him every day. For him to be completely oblivious towards your feelings.” 

“Yeah.” Your words are faint, barely there. 

Matter of fact, Lucy knows what it’s like to give up entirely. To completely submit yourself to what you so strongly believe is fate. She thinks of Jimin, a smile forming at her lips like muscle memory at the mere thought of him. She thinks of how deflated her heart felt the day she met him, how her pillow had been silent witness to her tears just the night before after she’d longingly stared at her computer screen, some love story making her crave what she thought could only be found in movies and fairy tales. She’d given up, yes. She’d sworn off men, had encouraged herself to be a little more realistic. To use her logic when it came to romance. 

Jimin had dismantled all of that with only five words. 

“Hi. I’m Jimin, and you?”

“But I don’t think you’ve tried hard enough.” Her words make you flinch, looking at her with confusion, feeling a little defensive from the get go. “Listen to me. Yes, you did the big, brave thing. You told him you loved him, you sat through the dismissal his words provoked, you cried all the tears and sang along to all the sad songs in the world. You probably watched Pride and Prejudice a couple of times, too.” It frightens you a little, how she knows you so well. “And that’s all valid. And honestly, fuck him for making you feel like that. I hope he steps on a lego, like, every day for the rest of his life. But also,” she pauses for a bit, leaning closer to you. “You didn’t talk to him. You didn’t tell him any of this that you’re telling me. Yes, he’s oblivious, but your silence basically encouraged it. Yes, he’s dense but you didn’t open up to him enough so as to know if it’s coming out of malice. Which, frankly, I don’t believe. As much as he is not on my good graces right now,” she rolls her eyes, “I don’t think he meant to… hurt you.”  

“I know, but-” you don’t know, actually. Your silence proving that much and so she continues.

“That day… when he showed up at our door, I didn’t know what was happening. All I knew was that my best friend was in bed, feeling sad, and wouldn’t tell me why. And then I opened the door, and there he was, looking all… sad. I almost wanted to slam the door on his face because I knew he was the reason, it all made sense to me right then and there. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t because he looked like he knew he’d… lost something. Something he wasn’t quite sure he could get back. He looked scared. And so I let him in.” 

“He did a shitty thing that day.”

“I know. It was very shitty. I truly hope the legos aren’t upside down. But,” she takes a breath, collecting her words for a second. “I guess, ever since that day I’ve been trying to decipher him. To decipher what he feels for you. It’s quite hard since, you know, you guys have to hide from the world or whatever. So I’ve taken to just… observing him. I’ve taken to looking at him when he’s looking at you. You barely notice, and I’m almost glad you don’t. I feel like if you would you’d break the little magic the moment holds. Maybe he’d shy away from the way his eyes get all shiny and he smiles in a way that lets me know he’s not really aware of it. And so a part of me is relieved, because I know that whatever it is, the feeling is pure. I went up to your bedroom yesterday because when I looked at him… he looked just the way he had that day in our front door.”

“Do you think he loves me?” 

Lucy’s heart breaks a little when you ask her, ever so faintly, a question that she doesn’t think she can answer. But nonetheless, she smiles, taking your hand in hers. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know if he loves you, ___. I don’t even know that he knows. Or that he can even become aware of it after all he’s been through. All I know is that you haven’t tried hard enough to figure it out. And it should never take a toll on your heart. It should never break you the way it did. But also, I think the reason why it did is because you had to carry the weight of it alone. I think… I think he would’ve at least been willing to help.”

“I don’t know, Lu…”

“Yeah. You don’t. Nobody knows. That’s the tricky side of it all. The one we run from the most because it means that we have to be even more vulnerable. Because we know we’re risking even worse of a heart break. But, could you live with yourself knowing you didn’t at least try? And I mean, really tried.”

“No.” The words come out of you before you can even think her question through. 

“Then you owe yourself at least that. Not him, not even my sappy, romantic self. You.”

You smile at her, lacing your fingers through hers. “What if I try and I’d been right all along?”

“Then I’ll be here. We’ll sing Chappell Roan together and I’ll make sure to scatter the legos all over his house myself.” Her face grows proud as she says this. 

You laugh. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Soori shrieks, making you both turn, laughing at her reaction. You walk over to her, taking her in your arms as you kiss her, swaying from side to side. She whines a little bit, voice muffled with the way you squeeze her cheeks with your kisses. 

“You’ll grow up and have the bestest friend ever, too, Soo Soo.”

Lucy looks at the two of you, can feel the way you radiate love. The way your whole face lights up as she brings her little chubby hand to your cheek, shrieking in excitement at your words that she doesn’t even understand, but that are coming from you. In that moment, she knows she’d given you the right advice. She knows it. She sees it.

From where she stands, the future paints itself rosy shades of pink. 

~

You feel your heart slowly mending itself, regaining its strength as the minutes pass and you bask in the sun, in Lucy’s words of comfort and her wise advice. In Soori’s little antics as the two of you play with her, letting her dip her toes in the water on the shallow end of the pool. You lather her body in sunblock and Lucy laughs at the white patches you intentionally leave on her cheeks. 

“She’s the most sensitive there,” you defend, running the lotion down her arms. 

“Okay, mommy.”

“This is my job, you know? Keeping the baby safe,” you mock defensiveness.

“Oh, please. Get so very real right now, ___.” 

“I am,” you laugh. “Although I will admit I do happen to love keeping the baby safe.”

She takes Soori in her arms, letting her splash about with her feet as she places her between her legs. “It’s okay, Soori. I’m the fun auntie.”

You look at them, a smile on your face as you revel in Soori’s sounds of excitement and Lucy’s tender nature towards her. You love seeing everyone melt for her, give her love and attention. 

“Ah, there you guys are!”

The three of you turn around, a smiling, pyjama-clad Jimin walking towards you. 

“Good morning, babe!” Lucy waves at him, bringing Soori’s little arm up, making her wave, too.

“Hi,” you say, a little shyly, all things considered.

“Good morning, ladies. Good morning, princess Soori.” He kisses Lucy’s lips, then Soori’s forehead. 

“How’d you sleep,” Lucy asks him.

“Good. Would’ve been better if I hadn’t woken up to an empty bed.”

“Sorry! Got hungry. Needed breakfast real bad.”

“You guys had breakfast already?”

“We’re on baby time,” you say, looking down at Soori whose arms are reaching out for Jimin. 

“Come here, baby,” he says, picking her up. 

“Gahhhh, my ovaries!” Lucy’s cries are dramatic as she throws her body back, falling on the grass, making you chuckle and raise your eyebrows at her. 

“Anytime, babe. I keep telling ya,” is all Jimin says, making you widen your eyes in shock. 

“Quit saying that, oh my God,” she whines. 

“Mr Jeon Jungkook has been looking everywhere for you,” he looks at Soori, looking at you next, “and you.”

“Oh, he’s awake?”

“Yup. I heard he had a long night,” he says, a little smirk forming at his lips. Your blush is so evident it actually makes him feel bad. 

“Jimin! Leave her alone,” Lucy says, coming to her feet. 

He laughs, throwing his head back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“I’m gonna…,” you point towards the house, ready to make your exit.

“You may be excused.” Jimin’s words earn him a scowl from his girlfriend, which humors him further. 

When you make your way back inside the house, you see Jungkook as he enters the living room. Eyes swollen, groggy with sleep, running a hand through his hair to try to fix his bedhead. And as much as your heart aches at the sight of him still, you also can’t help but smile, still in the high Lucy’s words had left you in. 

“Hey,” you say, making him look at you. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he walks towards you, hand reaching for yours, holding it for a second, squeezing before he’s letting go. The act alone is so gentle you think you could cry. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

You shrug. “Wanted to let you sleep in for a bit.”

“I should’ve let you sleep in.”

You shake your head, smiling at him. “It’s okay. We’ve been having a nice morning. Lucy joined us, we had breakfast outside. They’re by the pool now. I lathered her in sunscreen, don't worry.”

He smiles. “Thank you.”

You look around for a second, finding a door next to the hallway that leads to the kitchen. “What’s in there?”

He follows your line of vision. “A wine cellar.”

“Can we go there? Just for a minute,” you ask, and although your question makes him curious he simply nods, letting you lead the way. 

The door gives way to a spiral staircase, a bit narrow and small. You hold onto the railing, a particular yet pleasant smell invading your senses as you begin to descend. It’s woodsy, a little musky and fruity. It’s a bit chilly, too. 

“You’re really into wine,” you tell him, eyeing the many shelves stacked with bottles of all kind. White, red, pink, a couple of bottles of champagne. 

“Yeah,” he says, looking around, too. “I guess I’ve become my father.”

You laugh. “I like that about you.”

“What? That I’ve become my father?”

“No!” you say and he laughs at your reaction. “That you know a lot about wines.”

“Hm,” he hums, grabbing you by the waist and bringing you closer. “I can teach you if you want.”

“Go on.”

“Okay, so, the temperature in this room remains at a perfect 12 degrees celsius at all times. This prevents the wine from oxidizing,” his words falter a bit as you bring your hands to his hair, fingers massaging his scalp gently as you listen intently. “The cooling system is quite particular because it keeps the humidity in the air at a steady 60%. The temperature the wine is stored in really affects the complexity and balance of the-,” he groans in satisfaction as your fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Wine.” 

“Jungkook,” you look up at him, eyes dreamy and hazy. 

“___,” his voice hold the same nature. 

“Can you kiss me? Can,” you sigh, “can we kiss, a little, right now?”

“Yeah, baby. We can kiss a little right now.”

Your eyes lock on his, blinking slowly as you take in the way he takes you in. His eyes are shiny, and they smile before his lips do. You close your eyes, falling into him a bit before he’s catching you with his lips on yours. His hand comes up to your cheek, fingers snaking through your locks of hair as he brings you closer, sighing against your mouth. Your arms wrap around his waist, hands coming up inside his shirt, his skin warm at your touch. His teeth close around your bottom lip and you give him full access to your mouth, tongue meeting his, but it’s ever so slow. Tender, almost. 

It sort of dawns on him right then and there, something he’d been missing from you, making him realize that this is the most he’s gotten of you in a while. And he doesn’t mean your body, or your touch, or a kiss. No. He means the way you fall into him, the way you look at him, the way you ask him for affection in that way that he loves, so supple and pliant, almost shy. The way you hug him to you feels different, only there’s nothing different about it, it’s just been a long time. Jungkook can’t make much of it, mind too wrapped around your lips, just like his mouth, but it doesn’t miss him, how much he’s missed you and how suddenly the realization hits. 

“You want breakfast?” you part your lips from his and he pouts with his eyes still closed.

“I was in the middle of it.”

You laugh, shoving him playfully. “We can’t hide in the wine cellar forever.”

“All I need is, like,” he presses his hips against yours, “twenty minutes.”

You gasp. “Jungkook!”

“I just woke up! You took advantage of my vulnerable state.”

You roll your eyes. “I just wanted to kiss you a little.”

“Fine,” he huffs, mocking annoyance, the frown between his eyebrows falling when you put your lips on his one last time. 

Perhaps you’re playing with fire. Perhaps you’re stalling, buying yourself time before you have to put your plan in action, before you have to do the real hard work, thread the words needed to do it all. The courage, too. Perhaps you’re savoring the moment just in case this is your last. You try not to think about it too much, staying in the bliss you just put yourself in. You decide you’ll tell him once you’re both back from the beach. On tuesday, when he comes home from work. You’ll have time to craft a sensible plan, find the right words, benefit from Lucy’s sound advice a little longer. 

Yes. Tuesday it is. 

“What are the plans for today?” you ask as you make your way up the stairs.

“Pool party, burgers and, me personally, winning every game of Badminton.”

You laugh, nodding your head slowly. “I’ll be rooting for you.”

“Aw,” he coos. “My little cheerleader.”

“I can hear your thoughts, Jeon.”

“I can see you in a mini skirt, ___.” 

“Hey, I might. Just for you,” you say, looking back at him as you make your way to the kitchen. 

“Ah, you spoil me.”

You turn around, pointing a finger at him. “That’s true actually.”

“That’s true actually,” he mimics your voice when he says this, making you shove him playfully and open your mouth in shock. 

“Dada!” Soori’s sweet voice makes him turn around, a big smile on his face as she enters the living room in Jimin’s arms. 

“There you are, my little princess!” She falls into his arms the moment he’s close enough for her to, wrapping her chubby arms around his neck. “Aw, thank you, baby. You’re so sweet. Good morning.”

“Nana,” she says, pointing at you. Lucy and Jimin smile, although you don’t notice, too hyper fixated on Soori. 

“You wanna go with Nana?” Jungkook leans over towards you, handing her over before he’s pulling away playfully. She whines. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry,” he says, laughing. 

“Come here,” you tell her, arms outstretched and she falls into them swiftly. She giggles some, clapping two times before she’s turning back to Jungkook, shooting grabby hands at him.

“That’s what I thought.” He takes her into his arms. 

You gasp, feigning offense. “Traitor!”

“You guys are cute.” Jimin voices his thoughts out loud, unable to contain them as he takes the sweet scene in. He doesn’t voice how happy it makes him, though. He doesn’t tell you guys that seeing the three of you together like that makes him feel like he’d found the last piece of the puzzle – one he couldn’t when Ira was around and his expectations of seeing his best friend in a loving family dynamic sort of tumbled when she wouldn’t play her part. 

Jungkook looks over at him, smiling as he bounces Soori in his arms, whose already looking at you like she’s about to betray him this time. He smiles, silently agreeing with his friend, almost as if he understood what he was thinking. Almost like he was feeling it, too. 

~

“A tankini? Really, ___?”

“It’s cute! Plus, it’s appropriate for the job. Soori tends to tug at my clothes at times, I can’t wear a bikini.”

“No, no. I get that much,” Lucy says, “but a tankini?”

“It was on sale!”

“You get away with too much by being drop dead gorgeous and having the face of an angel.”

“Your compliments won’t make me want to wear my tankini any less.”

“I beg of you, don’t wear the tankini.”

“But it’s pink,” you protest, spirit a bit deflated although you know she’s kind of right. 

“May I?” She points at your suitcase and you nod, plopping down on the bed a little dramatically. “Okay, I see the potential,” she says, throwing shirts and dresses around. “This!” She holds a white strapless one piece swimsuit. It’s one of your favorites – simple but cute. 

“That one gives me a wedgie.”

“Something’s got to give!” She throws the bathing suit at you. “Also, don’t blame the swimsuit blame your thiccy.”

“Did you just call my ass thiccy?”

“Yeah, I got it from Jimin.”

“Ew,” you say, looking at her. “Ew.”

“Here,” she says, throwing an oversized blue button up shirt your way. 

“What about pants?”

“Use that as a dress!” You’re about to protest, “and that’s final.” 

You throw a firm nod her way. The shirt was long enough to pass as semi-modest so you opt out of protesting. 

“So,” she says, sitting on the spot you’d left empty on the bed as you begin to change. “Have you decided about when to talk to him?”

“Yeah,” you say, pulling the bathing suit up your body. “Tuesday. Tuesday after he comes home from work. I’ll have it all perfectly rehearsed in my head.”

Lucy smiles. “That’s good. The both of you will be well rested after this weekend and you’ll be able to have a sensible talk.”

“Yeah, exactly!”

“Do try to, you know, sleep at night.”

“Shut up. I’m feeling fine! Running on caffeine and adrenaline, but fine.”

She laughs. “Ready?”

“Ready!”

“Let’s go.” 

“Wait,” you say, making her turn around, confused. She lets out a nod of understanding when she sees you grabbing Mingyu’s sweater, which you’d neatly folded to give back to him. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” she reassures. “It’s gonna be a good day!”

“God willing, Lucy Lu. God willing.”

You sigh, giving yourself a little pep talk for courage before you exit the room, ready to take on the day. 

~

The rest of the morning, as well as the beginning of the afternoon, had really catered to your inner child. Yes, it was your job to take care of Soori but the rest of the kids seemed to love you just as much and so your hands had been full. You’d swam in the pool with them, built sandcastles, played mermaids and even had a little water balloon fight that seemed to interest both the children and the adults alike. By the time noon hit and Jungkook and Taehyung were starting to roll the burgers around, you’d been convinced to sit at the kid’s table. Which wasn’t a table per say, as they’d wanted to have a little picnic and so you’d found yourself sitting on one of the many beach towels they’d retrieved from inside to make their own picnic blanket. 

It’d been sweet and fun, exactly what you needed after having to walk down memory lane this morning. And in a way, it added to the lighthearted mood you’d ended up your talk with Lucy in. Kids were easy – well, kids came easy to you. You found them to be less complex than people gave them credit for. They were easily entertained as long as you were willing to step inside their little world, which at times played out to be more entertaining than your own. 

By the time 3 p.m. rolled around you could start feeling the shift in atmosphere, though. They were exhausted, you included, as a sleepy Soori fuzzed about in your arms. 

“I think it’s time for a nap, kiddos,” Mai says, her words followed by whines of protest from the kids. 

Sun acts as the voice of reason, though, as she says, “but can we keep playing afterwards, auntie Mai?” she pleads, turning to you, “will you still play with us after nap time, ___? Pleeeeease.”

“Of course,” you tell her, free hand caressing her hair. “Plus, it’d be funner then because you guys will have more energy.”

“I am a little tired,” Dae says, his Rs running a bit, making him sound ten times more adorable. 

“See? We all need a nap. You guys can go inside the play room and make it a little mid-day pj party, how about that?” Mai’s idea comes as a success, the kids jumping with excitement, some even hugging her. She turns to you, voice a whisper when she says, “I’m kinda badass at this.”

Your lips form a pout and you nod at her. “You are.”

She smiles at you before she’s officially on nap duty, gathering all the kids and bringing them inside the house. You bounce Soori in your arms, her eyes half closed already, head wobbly as she fights to stay awake. You give her a kiss on the cheek, making your way to the sunbeds where the boys are drinking beers and talking about some game they’d watched the night prior, the team scoring the winning goal only three minutes before the game was over. 

“___!” Jin says the moment he sees you, making them all turn their heads in your direction. “Aren’t you god sent? I think my kids like you more than me today.”

“My kid likes her more than me at least once a week,” Taehyung says, smiling at you. 

“Thank you, thank you. I do birthdays, weddings, baptisms.” You say, making them all roar out in laughter. 

“You do have that midas touch when it comes to kids, ___.” Hobi tells you, leaning back and taking a sip of his beer. 

“I probably enjoyed that more than they did.” You smile, feeling a bit shy under their praise. 

Jungkook smiles, feigning a casual front as he takes a sip of his beer, eyes on you. Wet hair, a little ruffled from the day’s activities. A big blue shirt that’s mostly wet, too, and that bathing suit that as modest as he knows you tried to aim for, does very little to keep him away from what he knows is underneath. Your cheeks are officially crimson and your body golden. He can’t help it when his eyes travel down, the softness of your skin drawing him in. You’re nothing if not perfect and if he were to reach out, he could run his hand down your leg. Not sexually, per say. Just… touch. Touch so as to let you know what he thinks. What he feels. 

He composes himself for a second before his eyes are on Soori. “She ready for a nap?”

“Yup.” You nod at him, looking at Soori under your nose. She smiles and when you follow her line of vision you see that it’s Yoongi and his silly faces that pull it out of her. “I can go put her down, if you want.” 

“No, let’s go together,” he says, standing up, coming down to kiss her chubby cheek. He turns to his friends one last time, bowing before saying, “gentlemen, I’ll be back. Take this time to decide who’s ass I’m beating next in Badminton.”

As you turn around and walk towards the house, you can’t help but laugh at the remarks that follow, his friends absolutely going ham on him, all lighthearted blows he opts to ignore with a chuckle of his own. 

“You’re like the meme of the girl standing in front of the burning house.”

He looks at you, frowning in confusion. “Excuse me, what?”

“Oh my God, you’ve never seen the meme of the girl standing in front of the burning house?”

“No, but that sounds horrible. Was she okay?” You laugh as you turn to him, noticing the way real concern laces his features.

“It’s funny! It’s like a cult favorite, too. I’m pretty sure it’s been around for a while. Like back in the 9GAG days. You know, B.C.” You smirk his way, not missing the way he rolls his eyes at you. 

“Hey, I loved 9GAG. It was funny.”

“Of course you did.”

You step inside the house, walking in front of him and laughing when he pauses in his steps and says, “what’s wrong with 9GAG?”

“Nothing,” you tell him, smiling and dragging him upstairs by the arm. “It’s always an honor to be in the presence of people that have witnessed history.”

“Shut the fuck up,” he tells you, chuckling at your little bout of wittiness. 

You make it inside of Soori’s nursery, promptly changing her diaper and getting her into a pair of dry pyjamas. She falls asleep halfway into this, making you both laugh and bask in a quiet satisfaction at realizing just how much fun she’d been having. When you put her in her crib, you take a second to just look at her, neither of you saying much, simply taking her in. 

“She’s perfect, huh,” you whisper. 

“She’s so perfect,” he whispers back.

Jungkook smiles at her before turning to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and kissing your cheek. It all feels… domestic. Tender, lovely and sweet. The knot in your stomach that’d been growing bigger and bigger for the past couple of weeks begins to break, slowly, releasing a small army of butterflies that seem to both excite and calm your nerves. You kiss his cheek, basking in the bliss his proximity brings. 

“Let’s go back,” you tell him, “you have asses to kick.”

He smiles, lips coming to yours in a quick peck. “You should relax. Drink some wine with the girls, get some sun.”

“If I have one sip of wine and lay by the sun I’ll probably end up like her,” you say, looking down at Soori.

“Do it, baby. I got her.” 

The knot breaks entirely, wings fluttering violently as they’re freed after so long. 

You’re in love. 

~

You’d taken Jungkook’s advice, laying on the sunbeds with the girls, glass of wine in hand as you snack on the fruit platter Mai and Seulgi had prepared. You’d even fallen asleep for all of fifteen minutes, which had recharged your battery more than you’d originally thought. You’d think it’d be quieter with all the kids sleeping, but the boys and their very serious game of Badminton kept the ambiance just as loud as before. At one point, you’d all taken the roles of spectators and cheerleaders, rooting for your competitor of choice. Jungkook won, yet again, and you didn’t miss the smile he shot your way, overly confident in his skills. Overly confident in his ability to pull reactions out of you. This one in particular he’d found adorable, seeing the way you flustered at his actions, hiding your face in your hands for a second before you went back to feigning nonchalance. 

Now you were all scattered around. Some in the pool, some by the beach, a couple of you still in the sunbeds, soft music playing from the speakers. It was rather blissful, if you were being honest. 

You’re in the middle of small, lazy talk with Mai when you suddenly remember,

“Oh, I have to get Soori’s swimming diapers. She ran out but Jungkook said he had spare ones somewhere…”

“Oh, yeah,” Mai says, “he keeps them in the pool house. Go inside the bathroom, they should be in one of the drawers.”

You smile at her, thanking her before you’re making your way to the small, white house that sat at the end of the big backyard. Making your way inside you see that it’s mostly for storage. Floaties, surfboards, spare sunbeds. You notice that the door to the bathroom is open slightly, but don’t make much of it as you walk towards it. Both you and Jungkook let out a loud scream when he appears by the door frame. 

“Holy fuck.” You whisper yell, hand on your mouth. 

“You scared the living shit out of me.” His own hand comes to his chest, leaning against the counter and steadying his breathing.

“Me? You scared the living shit out of me! Why are you in there with the lights off like a crazy person?”

“Why didn’t you turn the lights on when you came in like a normal person?”

You both stare at each other for a second too long before you’re breaking out in laughter. 

“I came to get Soori’s diapers,” you tell him, mid-chuckle. 

He raises his hand, showing you a handful of diapers. “Me too.”

“Ah,” you say, walking closer to him. “Great minds think alike.”

“Mhm,” he leans against the counter once again as you stand in front of him. “My heart’s beating so fast, dude.”

You laugh. “You’re so dramatic, dude.”

“Hey, you can’t dude me.”

You roll your eyes at him playfully. “Fine. You’re so dramatic, Jungkookie.”

“I’m not! Look,” he takes your hand in his, bringing it to his bare chest and placing it over his heart. He’s still wet from the pool, skin warm from the sun. His heart is beating a little irregularly, you must admit. 

“I’m sorry,” you say, adding to the drama of it all as your voice grows soft. “I’ll put a bell around my neck the next time so I don’t startle you.”

“Ha ha, funny.”

“Oh, I am.”

You can’t explain it, but the air shifts around you. Jungkook can’t explain it either, but he welcomes it. 

“Yeah?” 

You smile, cheeks growing red for whatever reason. Or perhaps for all the right reasons. He can dismantle you with a few words and that’s one your favorites by far.

“Yeah,” you breathe, eyes growing heavy as his own look into yours. In a matter of seconds they’re landing on your lips. And then he’s kissing you. 

The kiss holds the same nature this morning’s had, perhaps a little less playful. A little more intentional. Like you’re both finding a means to an end just so you can bask in the journey of getting there. When you sigh into his lips, Jungkook brings you closer, hand on your cheek as he parts your lips with his tongue. The kiss grows heady, your fingers carding through his wet locks and his hands land on your waist, squeezing some before he’s turning you around until you’re leaning on the counter. The swiftness with which he handles your body has a moan escaping your lips and he feels the way you smile against his mouth. He pushes his hips into yours, drunk on you already, determined to pull those little sounds out of you. 

“Wait,” you say, parting your lips from his, laughing a little when you see his flustered state, lips red and swollen in his signature pout. “What if someone walks in?” He smiles, eyes not leaving yours as he leans to the side and closes the door, locking it in a beat. He’s about to kiss you again but you interrupt him. “Soori?”

“Baby monitor in my back pocket.” He kisses you. “We’ve got like, twenty minutes give or take.”

You laugh, kissing him back, arms wrapping around his neck as you breathe into the kiss in giddy anticipation. “Think you can make me cum in twenty minutes give or take?”

He pulls away, but it’s only an inch. He scowls, a smile on his lips that takes your breath away. “Is that a challenge?”

The air shifts yet again, air growing dense this time. “Yeah,” is all you can muster.

“What do I get?” 

You hum, pretending you’re deep in thought. “Me?”

“I’ll do it in ten.” 

You laugh, sweet music to his ears and his smile meets yours in a kiss. It’s deeper this time, grows sloppy soon enough and Jungkook wastes no time as his hand cups your tits over your bathing suit, grunting a bit at the fabric getting in the way before he’s pulling it down in one swift movement. He brings his mouth to your nipple, expert little sucks that have you throwing your head back as your fingers pull at his hair. You lean back, head hitting the mirror as your breathing grows heavier. When you come back up, you push him back with a hand to his chest as you come to stand in front of him. You erase the frown from his face the moment he sees the way you roll the white fabric of your swimsuit down your legs, leaning back against the counter. 

“Better than the mini skirt,” he says, towering over you as he pushes his hands against the counter. 

You bite your lip, smiling at him with dark eyes before you’re turning around, your hands falling in front of you, tits pressing together as you push your ass back against him. You look at his reflection on the mirror, giggle a bit when you catch him staring, lust filled eyes scanning over your body. 

“Like what you see?” your voice is teasing, cocky even, and it comes to no surprise when Jungkook’s firm hand comes to your waist, holding you in place before he delivers a hard smack to your ass. The pain translates to pleasure in a brief yet delicious second, eyes closing as you moan and bring your body forward. His hand lingers for a while, softer this time as he caresses the warm skin before his fingers travel south, parting your slit and drawing lazy circles against your clit. 

“You’re so wet, baby.”

“Fuck, I am,” you pant, head lolling forward as you breathe into his touch. 

“You’re a little brat today,” he says, matter of factly, staring at your reflection in the mirror as his fingers expertly pull little moans from your lips. 

You look up at him, fucked out eyes pleading, “need you inside me.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Yes,” your words get caught up in a whiny moan when he pushes two fingers inside of you. “Please.”

“That’s more like it. So pretty when you ask nicely.”

His eyes don't leave yours and you see the way he pushes his swim shorts down slightly, wrapping a hand around his cock before he’s lining himself against your entrance. He teases your hole with the head, smirking at the way you squirm in his hold at the mere action. He wishes he could tease you further, but Jungkook’s time is limited and he knows that much. He pushes his cock inside of you, gasping when he bottoms out. His hips pick up the pace right away, wasting no time as he starts fucking you the way he does when all he wants is to make you cum, perfectly angled so he hits all the right places repeatedly. 

“Fuck, that feels so good, baby,” you mumble, words breaking at the intensity of his thrusts. You close your eyes, try to steady your breathing out but he has other plans as his hand wraps around your neck, pulling you up some as his fingers close around your throat. 

“Keep your eyes open.” 

He looks at you through the reflection in the mirror, takes you in as he fucks you, a low groan escaping his lips when he feels you clench around him. His face contorts in pleasure, a grin pulling at his lips when he realizes you’re already close. The hand that wraps around your throat tightens, applying more pressure at the flesh, making you feel a bit lightheaded in the most perfect way, aiding to the way your senses zero in on him and the way he makes you feel. You know you’re close the moment your tummy tenses, his cock massaging your g-spot with each push and pull of his hips. 

“Oh my God,” you breathe out, hand clasping around his own as you make him press harder. “Don’t stop.”

He moans at your actions, at the way you beg for more with your body when your words fail. He keeps that exact pace up, thumb and middle finger pressing into your throat a bit deeper, just the right amount to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your body falling back into him, head on his shoulder as you cum around his cock with a silent moan. The sight before him feels straight out of the craziest of his wet dreams and it makes his cock throb inside of you as your walls milk him through your orgasm. 

Your body shakes a bit as you fall on top of the counter, your hand coming to his hip to get him to stop moving for a second as you cringe a bit in overstimulation. 

“Victory is sweet,” he says, bringing his hand to your back, fingers running down your spine in a soothing manner. 

You smile at him. “I was confident all along. Just needed an excuse to get you to fuck me.”

“Aw, baby. All you had to do was ask.” 

He pulls your body up, hands on your hips as he turns you around and sits you back on the counter. He lets out a low grunt when he pushes his cock back inside you, your pussy pulling him in right away and he knows he won’t last long. 

“Fuck, you feel so good.” 

You giggle, brains completely fucked out before you say, “we’re having a quickie in the bathroom.”

Jungkook scoffs, hands closing around your tits, hips thrusting into you slower, letting himself enjoy it. His head falls, eyes fixed on the way his cock pushes inside of you, moaning at the sight alone. His gaze travels up, taking you in. It’s so hot inside the bathroom he can feel the way his body sticks to yours every time he fucks into you. A single drop of sweat falls from your chest, traveling between your tits before it lands on your navel. His eyes close in a mix of bliss, disbelief and pleasure. 

“You’re so sexy, baby. Shit, I’m so close.”

“Cum for me, Kook. Need it so bad.”

Your arms wrap around his neck, bringing him closer to you as you kiss him, lips locked in his as he breathes out into the kiss, little whines leaving him as he lets himself fall into the feeling completely. You become conscious of him, let yourself enjoy him in this state, when he’s so close to letting go he grows a little desperate, hands all over yours, needy sounds passing his lips, hips lazily moving into you. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he says against your lips, pulling away so he can bury his head down the crook of your neck. He gets carried away – too carried away. His cock throbs inside of you, hips slowing down their pace as his body tenses for a second. He’s about to let himself relax, let himself cum, and it’s then that he realizes he’s still inside of you. “Fuck.” he looks down, pulling out and wrapping a hand around his cock, pumping once before he’s cumming on your leg. You bring a hand to your mouth when you notice, trying to muffle your laughter. “Shit, that was close.”

“Yeah,” you say, bringing his face to yours. “Got carried away?”

“Yeah. Completely let go of the principles of conception for a good minute.”

You laugh. “No conception would’ve taken place. It would’ve been a creampie at the max.”

“Don’t say the word creampie, my dick just jumped and we can’t go again.”

“You’re such a boy,” you say, bringing your lips to his. 

“I’m a man,” he protests, words muffled by your kiss. 

“Mm, yeah you are. You’re also a daddy so let’s get those diapers inside.”

“Don’t say the D-word, my dick just jumped for real and we really can’t go again.”

“Oh my God. You’re so filthy minded!”

You push him off of you playfully, pulling his shorts up before you’re doing the same with your previously discarded swimsuit, jumping a bit as you roll it past your ass. Jungkook smirks at your struggle. 

“Mmmm,” he hums. “Do that again.”

“Have I ever told you you’re an ass man?”

“I’m a you man, baby.”

“Shut up.”

“Shut me up.”

“Oh my God!” 

You both laugh at your flustered state that only seems to edge him on further, but it’s short lived. Your hands land on the door knob of the pool house at the same time, making you giggle before your smiles are falling as you realize that you’re about to do the walk of shame and have no idea how to get out of it.

“Shit,” you say. 

“Shit, indeed,” he says back. 

~

To your fortune, the walk of shame isn’t that bad. It isn’t bad at all, actually. The kids had woken up from their naps and had everyone’s attention so nobody noticed your absence much. To your misfortune (and Jungkook’s) it doesn’t take you long to realize that Mingyu keeps Dae entertained as they play around with water guns. 

Jungkook lets out a big sigh that you don’t miss before he’s clearing his throat and saying, “hey, bro. You made it.”

“Hey,” he says, a little too giddy for his friend’s liking. “Yeah, sorry I’m late. Went on a hike this morning, could barely move afterwards.” He waves at you, a smile on his face.

“Gotta work on that stamina,” Jungkook says, mostly playfully with a little hint of something else. 

“You should come with me the next time, we can work on it together,” he bites back, no hint of anything but playfulness in his words. 

His eyes land back on yours and you give him a tight lipped smile, taking the diapers from Jungkook’s hands before you’re letting him know that you’re gonna go get Soori. He smiles, feels the need to pull you closer, give you a kiss in front of everyone, take your hand in his. Anything. But he doesn’t. He just nods and then you’re on your way. He doesn’t miss the way his friend’s eyes scan over your body, a stupid smile plastered all over his face that makes his blood boil a little. 

You don’t really notice it, though, making your way inside the house and going up the stairs to make it to Soori’s room. She’s awake, jumping a little when she sees you walk inside the room. 

“Hi, baby,” you coo. “Did you have a good nap? Are you ready to keep having fun?”

“Nana,” she whines, making grabby hands at you. 

“Come here.” You get her out of the crib, taking her to her changing table before you’re getting her swimming diapers on and putting her in a clean swimsuit with cute daisies printed all over it. “You’re so cute.” You kiss her cheeks repeatedly until she gets ticklish, pushing you away as she cackles.

You sit her against your hip before you exit her nursery, walking the long hallways and going down the stairs as you sing her a little song she babbles along to. It’s then that you brave yourself for what you’re about to do, walking inside the kitchen, quickly finding Mingyu’s sweater that you’d left on top of the breakfast table this morning. It’ll be quick and harmless. You’ll just hand it over to him, thank him and go about your business. 

It’s a good plan. A great plan even. It’s also a plan that crashes down before it can even take off as you see him make his way inside the kitchen. 

“And so we meet again.” He smiles when he sees you, looking down at Soori and smiling even wider. 

“Hey,” you say, a bit nervously. 

“Came to get some beers, the boys are out.” He walks closer to you, hand coming down to rest on top of Soori’s head as he caresses her hair softly. “Hi Soo Soo.” She smiles, falling into his arms as quickly as he reaches them out towards her. It’s in that moment that you realize that he’s closer to Jungkook than you’d originally thought. He has to be if Soori’s this comfortable around him. 

“Thank you,” you say, passing his sweater over to him. 

“No worries. Sure you don’t wanna keep it? It’s gonna be just as chilly tonight.”

“No, that’s okay.”

“You kinda disappeared last night,” he says, bouncing Soori on his hip, looking down at her so as to not have to look at you when he says this. 

“Yeah, I was really tired, couldn’t get to bed soon enough.”

“It was nice getting to talk to you. I was looking forward to today… just so we could do it again.” He laughs a little, shaking his head at his words. He doesn’t mind your silence, though. “I was thinking… maybe we could grab a coffee when we’re back in the city?”

“Coffee,” you say, and he can’t tell if it’s a question or a statement. 

“Or dinner! Or a movie, or something. Just… hang out. Get to know each other.”

“I’m sorry… I- I don’t think that’s gonna work.”

He smiles. “Yeah, perhaps me asking you this right now isn’t the smartest move, huh?” He looks down at Soori. You’re silent yet again. “Perhaps I’ll leave it up to fate.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Perhaps we’ll bump into each other in some random place like the grocery store or in the middle of a really busy street and… I’ll ask you again. And perhaps you’ll say yes.”

You feel bad. You feel bad because as dense as you might be when it comes to receiving attention, you don’t fail to see that he likes you. Genuinely, sincerely likes you. Or at least likes the idea of you enough to want to pursue it further and get to know you. 

“Or hey,” he says, making you look into his eyes again. “Maybe I’ll make my own fate.”

~

“Sorry what,” Jungkook’s head turns so fast he’s sure he’s given himself whiplash, grateful to not have taken the sip of beer he’d planned on the moment he started talking because he’s sure he would’ve spat it out. 

Mingyu’s idea of making his own fate was… something, to say the least. And so there he was, next to Jungkook as they both started the fire for the grill, asking him to be his wingman. 

“I mean, perhaps it was a bit wrong of me to ask her out while she’s on, you know,” he says, looking at Jungkook and pointing at him with the tongs, “the clock and whatnot. But fuck I don’t know. She’s just so-” he sees the way Jungkook looks at him in shock and it makes him chuckle. “Am I making any sense right now?”

“No.”

“Yesterday- we hit it off. But you know, it was casual. We barely got to know each other in a,” he pauses for a second, and every pause makes Jungkook’s blood boil further. “Deeper level. So I tried to not look into it that much. But then I got home and got in bed and all I could think about was her. Like, fuck, I felt eighteen again. She’s so beautiful. She’s so fucking sweet. And so I knew it couldn’t end there. So I just asked her out.”

“When?”

“In the kitchen, when I went to get the beers. She was giving me my sweater back and I thought to myself, might as well.”

“And what did she say,” Jungkook asks. 

“She said no. She said she doesn’t think it’s gonna work.” Jungkook lets out a breath he very much knew he was holding. “But I blame myself for that. I mean, I get why she wouldn’t agree to it right now. She’s technically on the clock, like I said, and I get why it could be perceived as inappropriate.” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook says, eyes a little lost, quite literally begging for the earth to swallow him. 

“But that’s where you come into the picture.”

“How exactly do I come into the picture,” he says, but what he really thinks is, I already am in the picture, dumbass. She’s mine. He also realizes this would be an extremely childish thing of him to say.

“Well, you know, we’ve been friends for so long. You can put in a good word for me, sort of encourage her to-”

“You want me to encourage my nanny into going on a date with my friend?” His words have edge to it but Jungkook doesn’t care anymore, not that Mingyu seems to notice, too caught up in the visions of a future with you he’s formed inside his head. 

“Well, when you put it like that it sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen, I get it,” Jungkook scoffs. “But, you know, maybe you could do it in a lighthearted manner. Like, yeah he’s a great guy! You totally deserve to be happy! You know, kinda like… a brotherly figure. Yeah! That’s it!”

“You’re fucking insane.” Now he really doesn’t care that his words have bite to them. And Mingyu’s head is still way up in the clouds for him to notice they do. 

He chuckles. “Maybe I am. But she’s…,” his eyes find you in the crowd, “different. She’s special you know?” 

Yes, I know, is what Jungkook wants to say. But instead he says nothing. 

Mingyu looks back at him. “But hey, I’ll find a way. I’m telling you, man. This was written in the stars. Luck is on my side. Then you can play cupid,” he says, patting his back. 

Jungkook laughs faintly. Not because anything’s funny, but because he’s glad the conversation is over. 

“I’ll be right back.”

“Sure, I’ll get this started,” Mingyu says, motioning to the grill. 

Jungkook tries to stop it, but he can’t help it. He feels the way his heart constricts inside his chest. He’s angry, furious even, but he can’t do anything to release said anger. He had to sit through that conversation and pretend like his friend’s words were only fucked up because he was trying to get with his nanny, not because he was trying to get with his- 

Girlfriend.

Jungkook wants to call you his girlfriend but he knows he can’t. He knows he has no right to call you that because you aren’t his girlfriend. Because Taehyung was right – you guys weren’t exclusive. You didn’t owe him anything. Not a title he hadn’t asked for. Nor loyalty. Nothing. If you wanted to, you could very well accept Mingyu’s proposal. He was there, at your disposal, and perhaps even in ways Jungkook hadn’t been. He’d been straightforward with you. Bold, even. Jungkook almost had to admire it. He’d gone up to you and simply… asked you out. Showed interest, shot his shot. He liked you. He liked you and Jungkook knew he liked you in a way that you deserved. The realization sinks into him, a punch that knocks the air out of him as he makes his way through the garden and out into the beach. 

He’s so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t notice you noticing him. But you do. You notice the way he talks to Mingyu, see the way his eyes grow darker with each passing second. You see the way he pushes the anger that threatens to leave him away. See the way he makes his way through the garden, steps a bit lost, like he doesn’t know where he’s going. You see the way his face falls with every step until they land in what you can only describe as sadness. The moment he’s out of sight, you excuse yourself from the conversation you’d halfheartedly been in, and go after him. 

He faces the ocean, takes in the sun as it begins to set, the air growing colder around him, the breeze making the waves choppier before they break at his feet. His mind is blank now and he’s almost grateful, his thoughts unable to attack him any further. All he can focus on is the sky turning colors and the ache that grows inside his chest. 

“Jungkook.”

Your voice is a whisper that gets caught up in the wind and for a second you think he doesn’t hear you, but then he’s turning his head around, eyes on yours as you make your way to him. The sand feels heavy on your feet, almost like it wants to stop you. But once you’re face to face with him he smiles. He smiles and you almost want to buy it but you know it’s not fully there. Nonetheless, you smile back. Your lips pulling up with the same nature as his. 

“Hi,” he says, looking at you for what the eternity of a second can hold before his gaze is back to the blue of the sea and the pink of the sky. 

“What happened?” You don’t have to pretend like you don’t know something did. You see the way he smiles again, only this time it holds something more. Bitterness, perhaps. 

He doesn’t look at you when he says, “Mingyu told me.”

“Told you what?”

“About him asking you out… he really likes you, you know?”

“Jungkook, I’m sorry. I- I said no. I told him-”

“I know,” he says, and it’s soft, holds no anger or resentment. “I guess that I’m just realizing that if you hadn’t said no… I couldn’t really hold it against you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Your voice grows faint, a silent plea. You want him to look at you. 

“I can’t pretend like you owe me anything. And that’s on me, I guess. No- I know. I know it’s on me. And so I guess it’s catching up to me.”

You scoff, turning your face away from his, your own gaze fixated on the sea. The sky paints itself orange. You wrap your arms around your body, shaking your head in disbelief. 

“You still don’t get it, do you?”

He’s silent, and for once you welcome it. You don’t think the words you say next could leave you if he weren’t. And although brave, your voice is soft when you say,

“Jungkook, I love you.” You feel it when his eyes are on you. “I love you,” you shrug, a faint laugh leaving your lips. “I love you in the heat of the moment and I love you in the warmth of it. I love you when it’s cold. I love you when it’s freezing, even. I love you. And you don’t get it still. And perhaps I should try and find better words in hopes that you’d understand but I’m afraid that all I have is…,”

You pause, look into his eyes. 

“I love you.”

~

★taglist★

@roro-in-utopia @yiyi4657 @littlrmills14-blog @namjooningelsewhere@drownforryou @iwanttohitmyself @finelinememories @yukiehyukie@shatzkrinslinzki @bts-fic-recs-mess @kokoandkookie @subtlepjiminie@hobipost @kookiesbreaky @di0rgguk @bloopkook @babyrosieareroses@kookiecrumb @casspirit0705 @eclectictacozinewobbler @tickledpink55@rjsmochii @dimcorner @miniiimee @vintageroses10 @amyniu @tessxblxckthorn@emotionaltrashcansblog @fangirl125reader @laurynne5 @thickgrinch@dianaxnyc @ruinsofangels @berryonasummerevening @taeslarityy@hisunshiine @preciouschiminie @ruclements @galaxyflab @jalexad@missseoulite @bangtannoonalvg @kootonins @lustremyg @kissme-ornot@92thk @everythingaboutfangirling @cakecobain @callmejimmeo @simp4tae@landl7xoxo @jungjoonie @sanfransolomitatm @khadeeeeej @mar-lo-pap @nanjeonlangakook @parkinglot-nights @purplebeebs

[nightingale2004]

Severus's life if Tobias was an actual decent father and husband headcanons

When he finds out that Eileen and Severus are wizards, he takes a minute to take in the information (i feel like he is more the religious type) and even goes to church.

At first, he was angry that his own wife would hide that from him, but after much time and talking with a reasonable, open-minded, understanding priest, he went home and he and Eileen had a long talk.

He is a hard worker at the factory. He goes to work early but comes home late, and Eileen always makes him breakfast, lunch, and dinner and barely drinks but still drinks every now and then.

After Eileen told Tobias everything, he told her to educate him on the Wizarding world so he could have a better grasp of it.

After Tobias was educated on the Wizarding world, he did not like how relationships like his and Eileen's were looked down upon, which made him worried for Severus, especially when he got accepted into Hogwarts.

Severus still wears hand me downs but he does get some new clothes since they don't have a lot of money.

Tobias would be that husband and father that would glare or yell at someone who gave them looks or said/whispered something about them.

Tobias would not be afraid to fight somebody, magic or not. (YOU DO NOT MESS WITH THIS MAN'S FAMILY)

Whenever Severus comes back and he is acting different, he notices. He knows what being bullied looks like, and he talks with Severus about it

Tobias teaches Severus how to defend himself and shows him a couple of moves he learned in the military (the man obviously served)

Eileen would be more involved in Severus's life instead of being afraid.

When the "prank" happened, they immediately found out and gave Dumbledore h3ll for this. And they immediately pull Severus from hogwarts (but not before Tobias is about to give the marauders an old school a$$-whooping)

Eileen and Tobias transferred him to Durmstrang, where they kept a close eye on him (they are helicopter parents now, and u can't tell me otherwise)

Severus obviously noticed the struggle that his parents were facing, not just prejudice but the money struggle. So, growing up, he would always help his mom around the house, help cook and clean, and even sell some potions here and there. (He sells his potions to Tobias's work buddies)

Severus gives his dad potions to help his health and even casts a few spells on him to help him at work (Tobias even after all these years is still not used to it but is impressed by his son's brain)

When Severus graduated, a lot of potion masters wanted him, but he knew he couldn't afford it. So his parents both worked to scrounge him enough money to pay for his apprenticeship (severus helped, he's not letting his parents do all the work)

Severus's summer job as a teenager was helping out at either his father's factory or working at a bar

When Severus came out that he liked both girls and boys, both his parents weren't surprised. They found out a looooong time ago and had their time to process it. And they learned to accept him and his Sexuality in their own way.

Severus is a potion master, has his own apothecary, and his parents couldn't be prouder. He also has a medical and chemist degree. (So if anyone needs a doctor, he's your guy)

When Eileen passed away, Tobias was distant from Severus, but eventually, he learned to be close with his own son again for his wife's sake.

Tobias and severus visit Eileen's grave every year on her birthday.

After Tobias passed, Severus visits their grave in his free time just to talk to them and tell them about his life.

Severus is happier, calmer, and less depressed but still our favorite Sarcastic sharptounged Slytherin

He wouldn't join the deatheaters unless they threatened his parents. He would protect them with his life

Hope you guys love this little headcanons. Enjoy

[peachywritesstuff]

Charlie Walker relationship Headcannons

An: I'm obsessed with Rory. That is where my loyalties lie.

This has she/her pronouns in it btw(only once tho)

He is your Gomez Addams

"Look at her. I would die for her,I would kill for her."

That is him talking about you.

Dude will literally murder someone for you.

He is the type of person to just have the biggest crush on someone and not say anything for a VERY long time.

Won't catch him confessing his feelings for you. You would be the one to have to make the move.

I don't think this would he his first relationship but his first serious one.

Dude will only have eyes for you.

Would by shy at the beginning of your relationship and be cutely awkward with you.

Movie dates 100%

Loves just staring you

Likes to rant on about horror movies and will blush when he catches himself ranting.

Not to much pda for him. Holding hands, pecks,and kissing cheeks is all I see him doing in public.

In private however...

Man's is very affectionate.

Would be the first to say I love you.

Will have a nice lil makeout but he would be redder than a cherry afterwards.

I think we all know that he is inexperienced

But here me out... he would be natural at EVERYTHING.

Will go into cardiac arrest if he sees you naked.

Brain overload. He will not know what to do.

A part of him wants to look away like a gentleman but another part of him wants to just stare.

Likes when you play with his hair.

You would definitely NOT be killed and will make it known to Jill that if she puts one single scratch on you that he will kill her.

And Jill knows damn well to not hurt you unless she wants to face Charlie's wrath.

I mean Jill saw what he did to Olivia,that could easily be her if she didn't keep her word of keeping her hands off you.

I don't even think he would want Jill to give you any calls.

Like he wanted you completely out of it.

(Lets pretend Jill didn't kill him okay?)

He is definitely two faced and takes on a whole persona when he is under the Ghostface mask.

If he does so happen to come across you during his killings then he would let you get away without making it look like he is doing that if that makes sense.

He a lil crazy,but I think we all knew that by now. He is our little psychotic bby.

soft yandere vibes

He is a lil bit toxic (just a wee bit)

When it is revealed he is the killer you just broke down crying cuz you were angry and sad that the boy you loved so dearly was a murderer.

If you caught him in the middle of an act you would not want him to touch you. At all.

He could start crying when you backed away from him

He can't just kill you when you figure out his identity he fucking loves you

He'd let you go and not go after you.

(Sorry Jill lover's but let's pretend he got away with it and Jill got caught and died for fanfiction purposes)

Since he got away with it he woke up in the hospital with a stab wound close to his heart. Jill was revealed as the murderer.

You were still in shock and did not say anything. Partially out of fear.

You didn't talk to him for weeks. Hell probably even months after.

You knew you should turn him in but you didn't.

When you do talk to him again it's the same awkward Charlie you know who was still in love with you(are we surprised??)

It took a looooong time to trust him again.

You felt like you had been lied too.

After getting away with the murders Charlie was never going to kill again.

Keyword: Was.

When you began to get calls from the new Ghostface/s he just had to get out of retirement and handle the shit.

If there is 2,he could play it smart and might kill both of them. Or kill one and Injure the other.

You didn't have to know this. No one did.

Charlie learned that some things were better left unsaid.

And he be damned if he lost you again

I guess old habits die hard huh?

[deandoesthingstome]

Hall Pass - Chapter 2

Paring: Henry Cavill x Reader (RPF)

Series Summary: You run into Henry Cavill at the start of a two-week house-sitting vacation. You had some previous plans. Some were ruined by your now ex-boyfriend. Some were made better. Guess by whom?

Series Warnings: I’ll be honest, this whole thing is just self-indulgent smutty fluff. Here’s what I offer: meeting, making out, and having sex with Henry Cavill (rpf). I’m probably NOT going to be adding chapter warnings unless I get a bug to re-write and something worms it’s way into the story that I wasn’t expecting.

A/N: I started this story shortly after the fiasco of The Witcher and Superman announcements. I thought about how great it would be to try and cheer him up a little. For the purposes of this story, he is single. No hate to anyone in his life right now, in whatever way you imagine that to be. I also understand if you do not read rpf. Feel free to scroll on by. I don’t need to hear about it.

This was going to be a looooong one-shot, but solicited feedback prompted me to break it up for you. 

Playlist: I will add to Spotify with each chapter.

Word Count: 3.8K

Chapter 1

 

In the morning, the smell of freshly brewed coffee forced your eyes open. You hoped you had enough time to shower before heading out to say goodbye to Henry. Plus you needed to tame the lingering fantasy from your dreams the night before. Somehow while reaching for the bottle of body wash on the floor of the tight shower cubicle you almost slipped and fell out, cursing loudly and grabbing on to the shower curtain, praying it held while you found your balance again. You heard a sharp knock at the bedroom door.

“Everything alright in there?” Henry called.

“It’s fine! I’m fine. I’ll be right out,” you hollered back from the bathroom.

You tried to hurry while still taking your time to keep your footing. One more quick rinse, then a dry off with a fluffy towel and you were back in the room slipping into fleece-lined leggings and a comfy oversized sweater.

He had another fire roaring in the great room and was sitting next to two mugs of coffee at the breakfast bar.

“Good morning! I heard a shout when I came to see how you took your coffee. Everything okay?”

“Oh, just clumsy me. I’m fine. And black is fine, thank you very much.” You glanced at your watch. So little time left.

“Yeah, I should probably get going soon. The store said 10 and I recall it was about 30 minutes out?” You nodded in response to his query. “Yeah, so a quick cup and then I should run.”

You hoped your face hadn’t fallen too low. Could you fake a need in town so you could head in with him? Ooh, go back for the honey! No, too desperate.

“Henry?” Might as well try, desperate or not.

“Yes?”

“Do you… where you’re staying… Is there any reason…Would you want to…I mean, there’s a table that gets good natural light you could take over and work on your model…oh, but Kal…shoot, nevermind.”

“Were you offering this farm as my hiatus home?”

“Yes? I mean, you could take up more space than a table. Plus the grounds are inspiring to wander around. And the goats. You barely had time to meet them while you were making out with the horses yesterday.”

Henry gave a hearty chuckle. “That’s really sweet of you. Very kind. But I’ve got…”

“Yeah, right, of course. Ignore me. Please. This must be so weird for you. A total stranger offering you a room in a home that isn’t even hers.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call you a total stranger and I’ve often found that Henrys make the best friends, but yes, I do have Kal and my assistant to think about.”

“Yeah, of course. No worries.”

You offered to jot down the directions back to town while you finished your coffee with Henry. He asked you to text him the details instead, reciting his cell number for you.

“I can trust you won't just go handing this out now, right?”

“Never!” You clutched your chest in mock dismay.

Too few moments later, you waved down the drive with a bittersweet smile on your face as you watched him go, then turned to re-enter the house and settle into your non-anniversay day. It had started out so lovely, but now that you were alone…

Oh, but not! You shifted gears and headed into the barn, where Caleb was mucking stalls.

“Did you have a visitor last night?” the old man greeted you with a cheerful smile.

“Sort of? The strangest thing…”

“And where’s your better half this morning?” He watched your face fall and tried to recover. “Everything okay?”

“It will be.” You paused for a moment. “We’re done. He just couldn’t tear himself away from work, not even for our anniversary.”

“That stinks. I’m so sorry. Was that him I heard leaving just now?”

“Not exactly…” you hedged as Caleb laughed at your reticence.

“Okay, well, keep your secrets then,” he winked. “Want to help out here?”

You jumped at the chance to get a little more familiar with the care and handling of the horses. Caleb helped you lead Mikka and Sadie into the field. You asked if you could have Butterscotch saddled for a ride in a little bit, which meant Telly would stick nearby. He never went far without her. Caleb recommended waiting to saddle the horse until the work was done so she wasn’t uncomfortable for the duration. The manual labor kept your mind off both Henry and your ex for the time being. As soon as the stalls were done, you headed back inside to pack some provisions for the afternoon. When you headed back out to the barn, you turned your attention to the goats who were ready for mid-morning nibbles.

Caleb was just about to saddle Butterscotch when a familiar vehicle wound its way up the drive.

“Holy shit,” you whispered under your breath.

“Any idea who this is now? Wait, isn’t that the SUV I saw on my way in?”

“Sure is,” you were almost beaming. Henry Cavill was driving back up the road to you with what looked like a large bear in the passenger seat.

Henry parked and stepped out of the car, making his way toward you and offering a hand to Caleb in greeting.

“Good afternoon! I’m Henry. You must be the horse master?”

“Sure am. Name’s Caleb. Nice to meet you.”

“Henry, what on earth are you doing back here?” you asked.

“Well, I got to thinking. First of all, we forgot to grab some photos for your hosts. And second, why would I spend my hiatus in a fancy hotel in the city, when I could just as easily enjoy this beautiful country-side? If the offer still stands, that is.”

“You a photographer or something?” Caleb asked, and it was all you could do not to laugh at the older gentleman. 

“Uh, no. Nope. Not a photographer,” Henry smiled. 

“Caleb, Henry forgot to give you his last name. Seems that’s his schtick. This is Henry Cavill, he’s an actor. Plays Superman,” you offered, thinking it would be the easiest character for Caleb to identify with.

“Well, played, yes,” Henry countered and you almost fainted from embarrassment. Of course! He’d just had some terrible news about that role. And after leaving The Witcher, no less. Poor guy was having a hard time of it lately. 

“Oh, yeah. Think I knew that. Well, what’s a big Hollywood celebrity doing all the way out here?” Caleb asked.

“I was picking up some items from a store nearby when I got sidetracked and wound up at this wonderful farm last night. And now I’m hoping I can impose for a little while longer.” He smiled at you with a genuine sincerity and you couldn’t stop grinning back. Suddenly a sharp bark sounded from the SUV.

“Oh, yes, and Kal! Caleb, are the horses good with strange dogs? I’d love to let him run free, but happy to keep him inside if it’s a problem?” Henry asked.

“As long as he’s good with horses, they’re good with him. Sadie and MIkka are out in the pasture right now, but Telly and Butterscotch can show him around.”

While Henry retrieved Kal from the car and introduced him to you and Caleb, an idea began to form and before you knew it you were giving it voice.

“Caleb, would it be too much trouble to saddle Telly as well? If Henry’s up for it, I’d love to take him for a ride this afternoon,” you gave a questioning glance toward Henry, hiding your panic that he might think you were once again insinuating a different kind of activity altogether.

“Oh, well if it’s not too much trouble for Caleb, that would be a wonderful treat.” If he did notice the double entendre, he wasn’t showing it.

“Sure. Happy to saddle ‘em up for you. Think you can get ‘em untacked when you're back?”

You nodded, noticing Henry did as well, and Caleb proceeded to get the horses ready for you while you led Henry back into the house.

“Oh, and here, for you” Henry handed you a small brown paper bag. You opened it and peered in to find two jars of honey. “I wasn’t sure which flavor you preferred, so I just asked Josh if I could have one of each.”

“Well, thank you!” You put the honey in the kitchen and continued down the hall to drop Henry’s bags in his guest room. While he used the bathroom, you took the time to gather a few more items to add to the bag you’d already packed to take with you on your ride, then led Henry back out to the barn.

“Alright, you two. I’ll be back this evening to gather the other two and get them all in the barn for the night. See you later!”

You waved as Caleb took off, then headed into the barn to grab a helmet. Henry followed.

“Do you think I could borrow a helmet as well?”

“Oh, I didn’t even think. I usually wear one because, you know,” you gestured to yourself, “clumsy. But I didn’t want to assume, since you ride so often.”

“Well, it’s always a good idea to take precautions, I think. Maybe just to stay on the safe side,” he winked at you. Or tried to.

Once you were settled in the saddles, Henry asked where to.

“There are a few different paths around the property. If you don’t mind, I’d like to take an easy ride through the pasture and around the woods.”

“Sounds just fine.”

Henry and Telly fell in line with you as you led Butterscotch down the lane and into the field at a slow pace. Kal ran ahead and returned every so often to make sure he was headed in the same direction you were. You asked Henry how he managed to switch up his plans.

“I just felt so welcome and unbothered here last night, I really didn’t want our time to end. I called my assistant and had her bring Kal to meet me in town. Gave her the rest of the hiatus off and hoped for the best. I just texted her while I was settling my things in the guest room to go ahead and cancel the suite as well, since it seems I have another lodging option now.”

A warmth spread from the tip of your head to your toes. Henry Cavill wanted to spend more time with you. It seemed you wanted the same. You let your sincere smile speak for itself and enjoyed the rest of the ride in a serene quiet, listening for the sounds of nature instead. Every so often, you snuck a glance to see if the videos you'd watched online did any justice to the way this man sat in the saddle.

They did not.

Soon, you turned Butterscotch to enter a small copse of trees and Telly followed suit, barely requiring a nudge from Henry’s reins. A short distance in, you pulled to a stop and turned to see how Henry was reacting to the landscape in front of him.

“What in the world…?” he marveled.

“It’s a small natural hot spring. The next town over is famous for them. There’s a hotel, spa, roman bath house, the whole works. It’s their tourist draw. My friends were lucky enough to find this small pocket on their land. They set the flagstones surrounding the pool and even created some stone seats once you step in.” You paused, realizing Henry had just told you how unbothered he felt here and now it seemed you were making a play to see him practically naked. “If you want to, that is, no pressure at all.”

“Well I don’t know if I’m prepared…”

“I snagged a pair of swim trunks while you were settling in,” you admitted, sheepishly. “I was already packed and getting ready to head out here when you showed up. I really hope you don’t mind.”

“How could I mind? And the water’s safe?”

“Absolutely. They test it just about every week, but it stays consistently warm and without bacteria. It’s really a wonder!”

“Well alright then. Let’s do it!” Henry smiled wide and dismounted with such ease you were almost embarrassed to get down in front of him.

It honestly felt like you were flopping yourself to the ground every time you got off a horse. But once you were on solid ground, Henry approached to help you unpack the saddle bags. You let the horses saunter around the clearing, trusting Butterscotch to keep Telly close.

“There doesn’t seem to be a changing room out here,” he joked, making a show of looking around.

“Yes, well. I thought you could just step behind that rather large pine over there and change while I get in. There’s no one around for miles, I swear it.”

Henry accepted the trunks and towel you offered, then marched off to the makeshift dressing room. You set the food and drink you’d packed on the side of the spring, then peeled off your clothes down to your bathing suit and stepped in, sitting quickly to fend off the brisk, wintery air, keeping your back towards Henry, lest he actually be too big to fit behind the tree as well.

In a moment, you heard a rustle and footsteps heading your way, so you turned and almost lost your breath. He was striding toward you, jeans and sweater in hand, towel draped around his neck, and looking just fine in the borrowed swim shorts. They fit him snuggly and it may have been the best idea you’d ever had, short of actually inviting him to stay with you at the farm.

As he got closer, you moved to the far side of the spring to give him room to enter. He sat and released the same satisfied sigh you had when you first entered the warm water.

“I didn’t realize how chilly the air had gotten until you had me strip naked behind a tree. But this is just phenomenal.”

You laughed and apologized, but he waved it off. 

“I’m glad you suggested this. It’s a welcome treat. And I see you have champagne?”

“Yes, well. My plan was to come out here and drown my sorrows alone…”

“Oh, right! Ah, today’s the actual day, is it?”

“Was. Yes. So would you care to toast the demise of my most recent blunder with me?”

“Absolutely. And his loss, by the way. Absolutely.”

You ducked with a sudden shyness and took a sip of the champagne.

“Did you also bring strawberries for this? That’s a pretty standard anniversary thing, isn’t it?” Henry teased with a wink.

“I would have if they didn’t wreck my insides. I can’t stomach the tiny seeds. But here,” you turned and grabbed a small container to open and hand over. “Have some grapes?”

Henry thanked you and grabbed a few, then apologized if his strawberry joke was in poor taste.

“You had no idea. How could it be?” you assured him.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to thank you.”

“Thank me? For what?”

“For not treating me like a celebrity. With kid gloves and as if the whole world revolves around me. It’s been refreshing from the moment you bumped into me. You’ve listened to my ramblings about my hobbies and haven’t asked once about that Witcher fiasco. Or Superman for that matter. It made it very easy for me to accept your offer of a few weeks of quiet country time and I really appreciate it.”

“Confession?”

“Yours or mine?” he asked.

“Mine.”

“Ok, go.”

“You’re my Hall Pass.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Hall Pass. It’s like…”

“Yes, I think I’m aware, but you aren’t in a relationship anymore, right. Not since the very minute we met, if I’m not mistaken. Do you need a pass now?”

“No. No I suppose I don’t.”

“Good. Because I really wouldn’t want this to ruin anything you’ve got going.”

You blinked your eyes with confusion. “This?” you asked, not sure if you were afraid he would give you the answer you assumed he’d give, which was something along the lines of anything that hinted he had no real interest in you. Or if you were afraid he’d give you the answer you hoped for and that he meant he had the same undeniable attraction to you as you had to him.

He licked his lips, tilted his head, and furrowed his brow ever so slightly. You could see the way his mind sought the right words.

“I suppose it’s my turn to apologize and hope I’m not being terribly forward when I say that I don’t mind saying I’d like to kiss you.”

You blinked again trying to decipher the words that sounded like a jumble and yet also appeared to mean exactly what you wanted them to when combined with the sexy drop in his voice and the way he leaned in ever so slightly.

Don’t shake your head to clear the cobwebs, you idiot. But do something soon so he doesn’t regret what he’s just said.

“I think I’d like that, too,” you managed to whisper, afraid of the tremble you were sure would accompany the regular volume of your voice as he inched closer.

“Is now okay?” and he waited just long enough to see you nod before he bent his head left and captured your lips between his.

It was sweet and warm, a tender, gentle touch. At first. But the groan that escaped his throat as you swiped your tongue across his bottom lip when you very much couldn’t hold back sent shivers down your spine and a heat wave through your core. Henry placed a hand against your neck to hold you firmly in place as he tilted your head back and answered your silent ask with his own deepening of the kiss, tongue swirling into you.

The various ways you imagined kissing Henry Cavill could go each time you pressed play on one of his movies or shows did absolutely no justice to the real thing. And maybe you were naive, but this didn’t feel like an “acting kiss.” No, this was real, at least for you. Every tingle, every spark, every butterfly struggling for release. And yours wasn’t the only body reacting.

Henry pressed closer, pushed you gently against the side of the small pool, one hand behind your back to cushion you against the stones. You felt his knee wedge between your thighs and when your hand touched his side to hold him close you could swear you felt goosebumps. But that must just be the cold air.

Suddenly he pulled you away from the wall, backing himself up to the other side and dragging his hands down your back before lifting you onto his lap and coaxing your legs to either side of his thighs. He never once let go of your mouth, so you had no choice but to moan wantonly into his as you could now feel what else this kiss was doing to him.

His hands roamed your body, fingers pressing and squeezing gently before settling on the small of your back so he could shift you closer into the grind of his hips. After a few moments of even more passionate kissing with heads tilting back and forth in a carefully choreographed dance of lips and tongue, you felt him pull back and reluctantly let go.

“If we don’t stop, I’ll likely come right in these borrowed pants and I wouldn’t want to mess with the pH of the hot spring,” Henry confessed with a little sadness in his voice. “I’m sorry, I know I started that.”

“Please stop apologizing to me,” you answered kindly, attempting to retreat to the opposite side of the spring. “If nothing else, on my darkest days I can at least remind myself of a hot tub makeout session with Henry Cavill.”  

Henry didn’t let go.

“Oh, well, I was hoping…I mean, is it presumptuous of me to imagine there could be something else, more than … well.” The way he simply stood up as he shifted your legs to wrap around his waist and turned to set you on the ledge. “Is the air too cold for this?”

“I have a feeling you can take care of that,” you grinned, accepting his arms around your shoulders as he bent for another taste of your lips. All his residual body heat was keeping you warm and even if it wasn’t, your mind was decidedly on other things for the entire time his mouth was on yours. 

Suddenly, your phone’s alarm sounded and you jumped, knocking your head against his once again.

“Shit! Sorry! That caught me by surprise,” you apologized.

“That phone seems to cause you more trouble than it’s worth,” he teased, letting you free so you could stand up and grab your cell from the bag.

“Oh, I'd rather say this phone has provided me a unique experience," you replied before glancing down to silence the alarm. "Oh…fuck,” you tried to keep your flash of concern to a whisper but Henry heard.

��Everything alright?” he asked, already slipped back into the warm water where you also wished you could be at the moment.

“Uh, yeah. It’s…oh, god. I swear. You are going to think I am just trying to take all kinds of advantage of you,” you offered, while wrapping yourself in a towel to stay warm.

“I mean, I’m not exactly protesting here, am I?”

“No, I suppose not. But this whole day is just..okay, well it was supposed to be an anniversary date, if you recall. So what’s happening now is that we need to pack up and head back to the house because in sixty minutes I have a massage booked.” You grimmaced, hoping it didn’t sound like just another excuse to be next-to-naked next to Henry Cavill. “I could just cancel, eat the fee, it’s not a big deal…”

“Absolutely not. Unless that’s what you want to do. This is your day, right?” He watched you nod. “And do you want to have a massage?”

What you wanted was to continue your time with Henry in a hot spring, but you had also shelled out some major bucks to schedule two in-home 90-minute massages for you and your dolt of an ex. Canceling now would mean losing the entire fee. And Henry was here for another two weeks. There’d be plenty of time to get back here, literally and figuratively, if that’s where things were really going to head.

Plus, the stress of everything over the last several months left you longing for the sensation of palms and knuckles and fingers kneading into deep tissue to release stubborn tension. You could send one of them home, maybe. Eat that cost. Unless…

“Would you be interested in one as well?”

Henry paused for a moment. “There might be some things to consider with that…ah, fuck it. Why not?”

Chapter 3

Tags: Please let me know if you want on or off or moved.

@littlegreenplasticsoldier - you opened this floodgate. Sorry.

Anything: @mayloma @fvckinghenrycavill @geralts-yenn @sillyrabbit81 @kittenofdoomage @liveoncoffeeandflowersss @aireraume @kebabgirl67 @marantha @sweetdreamsofgelato @beck07990 @itsrubberbisquit @dedicated-to-mr-cavill @alexakeyloveloki @feelmyroarrrr @raccoon-eyed-rebel @angelmather1 @lizzystuffsthings @kingliam2019 @enchantedbytomandhenry @omgkatinka

Hall Pass: (askers and likers, though if you liked the teaser post and you aren’t here, Tumblr won’t let me tag you)  @crymeariversworld @tess-lecter-blog @codykosuckmytoe @casadutti @fefa-la-printcessa @kaylamontaniz @kemillyfreitas​ @urmom3sposts​ @alicasalime​ @florxdexcerezo​ @lothbrokcore​ @straightforwardly @fuzzyugly-blog @livesinfantasyland @thereisa8ella @coldmooninthedark @12dilucswife @ms-angiealsina @7eamfan7asy @band-of-brothers-memes @ms-betsy-fangirl @cavillsslut

[lusciouswhiteflame]

This is not for you darling!

I started honour mode with Nyv and friends.

Their "How I met him" story starting over for the 3rd time. Astarion seduced Nyv (Durge) in middle of the Goblin camp. Always picking the most romantic spots to chat. The tiefling party is over and now they're heading to the next location.

** potencial durge Spoilers everywhere from here **

Let's see how long this journey lasts. I really want to see them getting the trophy, but I also regret this mode. I want to try so many things. So many dialogue options. This time I got the performance feat from Alfira (oh Alfira...) . I'm actually enjoying to see Nyv play different instruments, also seeing him whistle lmao (I didn't know he could make money out of it as Assassin too). I'll probably give Astarion the performance feat only to see them duet. But I must be careful. It's honour mode after all. I'm already afraid of House of Grief.

Also it gave me an idea for the next durgestarion run. Duo Rogue Assassins luring their victims with their performance. Walking around looting corpses is tedious, so let's just gather them in one place and boom, said Astarion. And Durge smiled. They'll sneak for more formidable opponents.

I also want to mention I digged a grave in the emerald grove and found out more about Durge's...uh... preferences... and it only made Durgestarion make more sense I'm smirking. A match made in heaven hell or wherever indeed.

Also this time I picked a different dialogue option and found interesting how Astarion encourage Durge to embrace his nature and let his kller instinct unleash. But I know, when the urge actually takes over Nyv, he wants him to resist. To be himself. He approves and loves Nyv's violent nature but only if Nyv is Nyv. And that's interesting and lovely. He wants the safety Nyv provides but... not at any cost. Also he doesn't want to get klled by the urge. Obviously. But still.

It's baffling (in a good way) how much commitment he shows with Durge. He stays to make sure Nyv is ok through the urge. He KNOWS Nyv would do it for him, and he wants to do the same. That's beautiful. To think he was struggling and feeling stupid to fall for durge makes it all the better. Astarion and his machinations. I'm glad durge is there to be the actual mastermind from now on.

I really want to play as Astarion origin and find Durge (Nyv) and recruit him. Please Larian. PLEASE.

By the way, I bought Divinity OS2, Baldur's gate 1&2 on ps5. Take my money. Thank you.

Ok I think it's all for now. Sorry for the looooong ranting. If you made it this far thanks for reading, and wish me luck with this mode 😉

[melodic-haze]

Lisa mentioned!!! I don't know much about the issue with her being flirty with the traveler and honestly, it sounds like people are nitpicking for something to complain about, but she's so cool!!

it sucks that the only thing people notice about Lisa are her looks (very pretty though) and flirtatious behavior when there's so much more to her! Not only is she the best Akademiya student they've had in the last 200 years, but she's also ridiculously strong. Varka wanted to make her a Captain right after Lisa joined, and it's stated that they would've been much stronger if she accepted that offer. Lisa has some of the coolest lore too and for some reason, no one talks about it??? She isn't even taking things seriously and she's already at this level of strength. She knew that she'd go crazy if she went down the path of pursuing knowledge no matter the cost, and a determined Lisa is NOT something that Teyvat would survive

For the other two that I definitely also agree with, I apologize if I get any of the lore wrong since I haven't done much of the Inazuma quests other than the main story (which was a while ago), but Kokomi, man!! Everyone was so hyped up when she first made her entrance, but then she suddenly just disappeared? In my opinion, the quest would've been cooler and had better lore if we spent more time with Kokomi than that Taipei (?) guy. No one talks about this either, but her ability to lead people is super impressive! Everyone doubted Kokomi when she first became the Divine Priestess since she was just a kid, but she proved them all wrong. Now, everyone trusts her and looks to her for help. Kokomi's skill as a leader is insane, and I really wish they did more with her lore 😭

Miko, man... No one talks about her unless it's to debate whether she's gay or manipulative!! She's only mentioned when people are talking about Eimiko and it sucks so much how seemingly no one sees how selfless and loyal she is. Miko was alone for 500 years!! I'm sure she had friends, but even those would only hurt her eventually since they would've passed away as well. The one person who experienced the same things, the one person who understood her, and the one person who she probably thought wouldn't abandon her like the others left her in her time of need without even saying goodbye. But Miko still waited! Even if she knew that there was a chance she'd never see Ei again, she was loyal enough to wait despite that. Miko gave up the very thing that gave Ei the authority of an archon without hesitation just for someone who had a chance to save Ei, the traveler. This is just my opinion, but I think Miko only really helped the people of Inazuma as much as she did as her way of preserving the eternity that her friend sacrificed so much for. She's so so kind and beautiful and loyal and selfless!! Whether you ship Eimiko or not, it's undeniable how Miko was such a good friend to Ei despite Ei not exactly reciprocating the same efforts.

Wow that is a lot of text. I am so sorry HAHAHAH 😭 There's no need to reply to this ask, I just saw you mention those three and wanted to ramble a bit hsjsh

Ik it's been a WHILE since this was talked about but I just wanted to 😊😊😊 put this out here BC YOU UNDERSTAND ME❗️❗️❗️ YOU UNDERSTAND ME SO HARD

DON'T WORRY ABOUT WRITING A LOT BTW FEEL FREE TO YAP ALL YOU WANT HERE HAHAHAHA I'M DOING THE SAME ANYWAY I just. Really love this specific trio :( I'm gonna cut this though cuz LOOOOONG ASS HELLL)LLL

Maybe I've just been on the wrong side of the fandom for long enough that I've seen complaints about Lisa and how she interacts with the Traveller ig (mostly due to the whole 'Traveller is a minor!!!!!' debate which......no energy is worth that age-old debate I'm ngl). SHE HAS SUCH INSANE BACKGROUND and so much of her is worth exploring????? Like I REALLY want them to go back to Mond and fully explore characters like her and Kaeya bc of how much they've got going on. While they're pretty, sure, there's so much more of interest beyond looks like it's actually WILD that Lisa has this much power despite her not visibly having some sort of indication she's blessed or has anything secret going on beyond her EXTREME capabilities

Not to mention tbh she seems like she'd be nice to have a nice nap with I'm gonna be real and put that out there 🤷‍♀️

IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE LORE DW IDK JACK SHIT PAST INAZUMA AHAHAHAHAH but omg??? No yeah they SHOULD have put her and Teppei under the spotlight for a bit more. I get they wanted to show Teppei and his easy closeness with the Traveller, but I do feel like seeing a genuine connection between a leader and her citizen, a strategist and her soldier, until the very end would have been so???? Like it shows how both sides are important to the other bc they're acc quite dependent, it'd show off a LOT more depth between them. BONUS if, like I've said before, Kokomi had a hidden sort of grey morality and/or she KNEW about the Delusions but turned a blind eye for the sake of winning. It would've put Watatsumi AND her character AND Teppei's in such a conflicting yet important light, showing how Inazuma' sinner conflict's actually fucking things up everywhere beyond just "lol haha foreign intervention bc funny lmao". Would Kokomi get bad rep? Maybe, but at least then people won't just disregard her as some one-bit chr that appeared in a fit of bubbles and did nothing else

You're ABSOLUTELY right in saying that she had her own selfish-sounding goal of keeping Inazuma basically upfloat. I'm not going to pretend that this woman's selfless as hell and would do anything and everything for her country cuz she won't unless Ei or a close friend (whom most, if not all, have died long ago) told her to. I saw an Eimiko poll in twt at one point where it was like "would Miko choose Inazuma or Ei" and NEAR EVERYONE chose Ei. On B side majority agreed that Ei would be the complete opposite which. Is REALLY sad but MY POINT IS!!! She chooses to live by her instincts, to base her decisions and devotions to what she knows and what she adores bc she had No Choice but to basically grow up like that. With that in mind, she could have EASILY shirked her responsibilities and went on to live with amusement as the Only focus she has, but instead she actually chooses to devote herself to the role her best friend relied on her for. She is so??? Absolutely devoted and beautiful in the soul I love her so bad and she's such a lonely being :(((((((( I NEED TO KISS HER I LOVE YOU MIKO

I just. I really want and need them to be talked about more man :( they deserve so much attention compared to whatever they're getting rn 😞

[gennyanydots]

This is love I just can’t live without Ch. 10

Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw x f!kazansky!reader (affectionately often called “Baby Ice”)

This is love I just can’t live without masterlist

Top Gun biker!au

Chapter summary: Sometimes memories can make you feel better and sometimes they make you feel guilty

Slight overlap with the new Jake story Take Me With You

Chapter trigger warnings: none I don't think?

Ch. 10 “It’s tearing me apart” Baby Ice

You watch as Bradley’s eyes rake over your hip seeking out his initials. You can tell the second his eyes find what they’re looking for as his face softens a bit, almost in a relieved way. Had he expected you to cover it up or get rid of it? He takes a step closer, placing a hand softly on your hip and brushes his thumb over the letters. His forehead drops to yours and you close your eyes as you both take in the moment. 

You both know what this means. In the eyes of the club you still belong to Bradley. He marked you and as long as those letters are on your hip you were his. The thought of covering them had popped up a few times over the past couple of years but every time you thought too hard about it you ended up in your bed sobbing at the thought of losing that piece of Bradley. His initials felt like the one thing you had left of him after you  

It was your first tattoo and just like Bradley, the day you turned 18 you were at the tattoo shop bright and early, dragging a half asleep Bradley with you. Waking up before noon was hard on him during the weekend. You made him hold your hand the entire time even though it didn’t take long for the artist to trace Bradley’s “BNB”, written in Bradley’s handwriting of course to match his own tattoo. Bradley had even drawn a heart for you so your tattoos matched. That was the day you found out Bradley can’t draw hearts. The one tattooed on your body looks more like a lung than a heart but you loved it regardless because Bradley drew it for you. 

Your parents weren’t thrilled when they found out Bradley officially claimed you but it wasn’t like they hadn’t been expecting this for years, they just wished you had both given them a heads up. Carole however had been over the moon when you both told her. She had burst into tears hugging the both of you while babbling about grandchildren. As soon as she calmed down you both let her know that grandchildren weren’t happening for a while, a looooong while. 

You feel Bradley shift then pull his forehead apart from yours gently, “We got some stuff to do today.”

You stare at him confused before asking, “What kind of stuff?”

Bradley shrugs, “You’ll see.” 

You looked at him wearily as he grinned and kissed your forehead then walked back to his chest of drawers and grabbed a clean shirt out before pulling it over his head. 

You scowl and wipe his kiss off with your hand making Bradley laugh and blow you a kiss. You narrow your eyes at him.

He just shrugs, “I threw a shirt at you earlier. It’s yours. Found it in my room after you left. Kept it hoping I’d have the chance to give it back.” 

You grab the shirt off the bed where it fell and hold it up and a soft smile finds its way to your face. You remember this shirt. It’s a Top Gun MC shirt that you tie dyed one summer with Nat and your mom. You tie dyed them in the backyard and then after you tie dyed each of you a shirt, there was still left over dye, so your mom ran into the house and grabbed a set of sheets and you tie dyed those, too. Your dad was not as amused at his bed having tie dyed sheets as your mom and you were but he knew not to question your mom. You hold the shirt tightly against your chest as your eyes water. 

“Thank you,” you say softly. “I thought I lost this. Thank you for keeping it safe for me.”

Bradley nods at you and turns his back to you so you could quickly change into the clean shirt and out of your crop top from the night before. You smoothed your hands down your sides over the shirt. Just having the shirt on soothed you in a way you didn’t even know you needed. It gave you a feeling of being close to your mom again that you desperately needed. 

“You good?” Bradley asks. 

You nod as you continue to smooth down your shirt. It takes you a couple seconds to remember that Bradley wasn’t facing you to see you nod, “Yeah, yeah I’m all good. You can turn around.”

Bradley turns around, a smile on his face, then holds his hand out for you to take, “Let’s go!”

You roll your eyes and walk out of his room with Bradley close on your heels. 

You head down the stairs and look around at the mess from the party the night before. A few prospects were walking around collecting trash with a black trash bag each in their hands. You offer them a polite smile as you pass on your way to the door. 

“Hold up a second,” Bradley says walking over to one of the couches. 

You turned around and then followed him over to the couch. When you passed the first time you didn't even notice Jake on the couch. 

As you stop at the back of the couch with Bradley he leans down to your ear, “I had to wake him up yesterday because he was making all sorts of noises and thrashing around in his bed.” 

“What’s that about?” you asked. 

Bradley shrugged, “I’m not sure. He wouldn’t say. Said he never dreams.”

You look at him oddly, “But everybody dreams.”

Bradley shrugged again, “I’m just telling you what he told me. I said the same thing but he said he…”

Bradley gets interrupted as Jake starts to whimper. You both stare down at him a moment before he starts shaking his head. 

“Should we wake him up?” you ask Bradley.

“I’m not sure,” he says back.

“No, no, no, no, stay with me. Don’t go. Please…..please….please,” Jake whines in his sleep. 

You decide to make the executive decision to wake him up. You reach out a hand to touch his shoulder but before you touch him he shoots up into a sitting position breathing heavily. 

You yelp and pull your hand back while Bradley grabs your shoulders to pull you away from Jake. 

“What…what happened?” Jake asks while panting. 

“You were whimpering and shaking your head in your sleep. Then you started to talk,” you explain as you take a step back towards Jake. 

Jake groans and wipes a hand down his face, “Any clue what I was sayin’?” 

Bradley nodded, “You were saying no and please a lot. You also said ‘stay with me’ and ‘don’t go’ , nothing else I don’t think.” 

You shook your head agreeing with Bradley that there was nothing else. 

Jake takes a deep breath, “Okay, cool. Thanks. Soooooo what’s up with all this?” He points to the two of you. 

“We’re heading out. Got some stuff to do,” Bradley says as he waves and grabs your hand to pull you with him towards the door. 

“Have fun!” Jake calls from behind you both then chuckles. 

You roll your eyes and follow after Bradley as he leads you to his bike. He gets on quickly before holding his hand up to help you on. You use it to climb on behind him then wrap your arms around him after you settle. 

He pats your arms before turning the key for the bike and releasing the kickstand. You’re both soon on your way. You lean your head against Bradley’s back. It’s been a long time since you’ve done this, it feels so easy to fall back into everything you and Bradley used to do together. You missed him, you missed this. You used to love riding on the back of Bradley’s bike, it seems you still did. 

You didn’t pay close enough attention to where Bradley was taking you, maybe you should have, but soon he was pulling into a very familiar drive. You remember drawing with chalk on the concrete of this driveway. The oil stain from the first time Bradley tried to change the Bronco’s oil is still there off to the side. You remember laughing at him as it spilled out over the oil container that Bradley forgot to open the plug of. You remember your dad strolling his way over after hearing Bradley shouting and laughing along with you as he quickly started to help, telling him he would have come over to help, which just made Bradley grumble about wanting to do it himself. 

Bradley stopped the bike next to the Bronco and helped you off before getting off himself, “You knew this was coming.”

You shrug, “I know. I didn’t want to. I still feel bad. Cutting you out of my life meant cutting her out too and that was probably the worst decision I made.” 

Bradley nodded, “I think she was more heartbroken than I was.” 

You worried your bottom lip as you followed Bradley into the house. 

As soon as the two of you were completely in the living room Bradley started yelling for his mother. 

“Ma! Hey ma! Got someone here to see you,” Bradley called out. 

“Bradley Nicholas Bradshaw! How many times have I told you to stop hollerin’ in the hou…..” Carole trails off as she enters the living room with a hand towel clutched in her hands. “In the hou…” she starts again before she trails off again leaving her mouth open in shock while dropping the towel onto the floor. She stares at you for a moment as you stare back at her. 

“Mama…” you say, your voice barely louder than a whisper. 

That seems to break her out of her trance as she takes a few apprehensive steps towards you until she’s right in front of you. 

“Oh sugar, look at you. You’re all grown up,” Carole says as she reaches a hand out to cup your cheek, you can see her eyes start to water. “I recall tellin’ you that you weren’t allowed to do that but goodness, pretty girl, we were all wonderin’ who you’d take after and there’s no question about it.” 

You smile at her as your eyes mist over. 

“Well c’mere, sugar,” Carole  before pulling you into her arms. 

The flood gates open and you’re sobbing by the time you’re completely encased in Carole’s arms, she coos at you rocking you both side to side gently.

You needed this. A mom hug. There’s nothing like it in the world. 

“Let it out, baby, let it all out. I gotcha, don’t you worry, your mama’s gotcha,” Carole murmurs into your hair, holding you as tight as can be. “Everything's gonna be okay."

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Looooong ass vent

TW for: Self hate. Lots of swearing. Use of not nice words. Eating disorders, purging, self harm, suicide, rants, venting, tons of triggers, dissociation, lying, all caps, me whining, me being a bitch, mistreatment, body shaming, hateful stuff, mental illness, all that- like seriously this has more TWs than I can think of. .

I'm a jealous person. I'm sorry, it's true. I'm jealous when other people have art that gets 40, 50, more notes. I get jealous when my friends have better friends than I ever could be. I get jealous of song writers because damnit please I want to make music. I get jealous of others art,voices, bodies. I get so jealous I get mad at nothing over nothing. I get jealous at others art styles, at other success, i get jealous at my own FRIENDS wow I'm awful

I'm selfish. I'm greedy because I can't just- be fucking happy with what i do have. I can't be patient to get better at drawing, better at recording my voice, more freedom. I am never satisfied, I'm a fucking whore for any sort of love and attention and likes and reblogs. You hear me? I'm, a, whore.

And I'm fucking awful because I can't take criticism for shit, I get so fucking unhappy at it and I lie and I say I'm happy to receive it. I lie all the time like this, I'm a dishonest whore, that's worse than a normal whore! I get so bent out of shape!

And I want to make it big in the Tumblr community BUT FUCK IT BECAUSE I NEVER FOCUS ON ONE THING

M so impatient

And when I talk to my friends I-

I forget all that. I calm down, I feel... wanted.

But I'm burdening them. I'm burdening them I'm burdening them I'm I'm fucking selfish and horrible because they give and give and give and I take like a needy selfish greedy whore.

AND I DON'T SHUT UP, I'm sorry I'm sorry I never shut up

...I'm... awful. And... I shouldn't keep posting shit like this, because nobody should have to read my rambling and shit and I'm overreacting and I want to die and

Im useless irl BTW. I've been nothing but a stupid moody bitch the past two weeks, I stay up all night doing nothing and wake up at 5 pm like a useless piece of human shit that should burn in the garbage

I keep forgetting who I am, who is talking too

Im sooooooooo uselessssssssssss

Its fucking because I think my family would be happier if I didn't exist. Because that'd be one less stupid moody bitch that can't do anything and hides in their room all day that they have to deal with

Im lazy I get apathetic I have no motivation to do anything and I don't cry at sad movies like a broken robot and everything about me is wrong

And my father wanted a daughter so fucking badly, but I'm not a girl I'm nothing and he'd be so mad if I ever told him

And BTW I'm literally awful like I've run out of things I'm a jealous whore

M a whore because all tye time I think of stupid sexual stuff and then I feel disgusted I'm disgusting I barely take showers

I'm pathetic btw I never finish anything I start I have so many half assed AUs and drafts and fanfics and art and chores and needs and shit

and I sit in my room all day and play on my phone like a fucking loser. Im also really stupid btw, I don't know half the shit I'm supposed too and I can't spell shit or know history AND I HAVE THE ABILITY TO LEARN BUT IM SUCH A STUPID FUCKING BITCH I NEVER DO ANYTHING

I'm also a hypocrite because I get so snappy and shit with my siblings when they do nothing wrong except be annoying or something but when I feel justified I shouldn't because I'm still a shitty person

I barely reach out to my friends unless they text first, I'm a horrible friend that never listens I'm sorry I'm sorry I never meant to abandon anyone

And I can't take blame or accountability I'm sorry I am shit why do I keep trying to hide behind myself??

Its past 6 am,people are statving and in here venting like a bitch

I never shut up

I Bother people

i sleep in and I'm moody and I demand attention like a whore whose demanding love idfk

I never know anything, I'm rude as hell

Im sorry

and I'm protective over shit nobody cares about, I'm so damn defensive

Im sorry I'm not doing better I'm sorry I'm not improving myself. I'm so mad at myself I have so much anger at myself I direct it at innocent people I'm sorry

I HAVE NO EXCUSES, IM SO FUCKING SELF AWARE OF THIS BUT I KEEP DOING IT KM SO DAMN FHCKONG DUM IM LUTERALLY COUNTING HOW MANY WORDS OF SELF HSTE

Its justified BTW, i deserve hate

I feel like I'm lying abt being a system and artistic and depressed and anxiety like what I'd I just suddenly decided I had them?? I swear I promise I'm not faking I'm not I don't want to lie I want to be good I never meant to hurt anyone BUT I FEEL LIKE IM A FAKING BITCH

I binge food and throw it up, I hide food like a greedy pig just to purge I take others food because I'm so gluttonous and I LIE about it

and I vent and vent and vent and... and I still hate myself

I'm so fucking manipulative because anytime I talk I CSNT STOP IMSGING HOW THE CONVERSATION WILL GO, I CANT STOP TRYONG TO FUCKING GET MY WAY IRL, AHHGHGBTIDDHDH I ALEATS ACT LIKE I KNOW EVERYTHING WHEN I DONT and I purposefully annoy my siblings so they leave thr kitchen so I can binge like a fat pig, I'm a hypocrite too in every aspect. I'm toxic ok im awful

I s/h and then i forget about it so its not even a problem but I whine like it is and I want to do it so badly rn I wanna go deep

AND I RUINED MYSELF WITH UGLY SCATS they're so ugly like me inside and out

And I wanna cry and

and I'm so awful because like I get so... idk, I am. I've done shifty things, I'm a shit person. I act sweet than a condescending little bitch

and sometimes the smallest things set me off

Im jealous of everyone else

Hell I'm fucking jealous of people I've never met, I want so much so badly I'm so greedy and lustful for it and selfish

In... conclusion? The world, would, be, better, without, me

I'm useless, lazy, stupid, jealous, slutty, angry, sad, pitiful, pathetic, fat looking, no good child, moody, stereotypical, ugly, hateful, chatter box, greedy, selfish. Gluttonous, messy, dirty. I'm all the bad stuff

Dont lie, these are facts. I have so much awful in me, the world wpuld be better off without me

[markantonys]

Hi!

I just started WOT and I’m about halfway into Eye of the World (that handful of Perrin centric chapters) and I’ve just gotten really bored with it. Does the series get better after EOTW?

hello! now this is a question. at the end of the day, WOT is a real YMMV Reading Experience, so i will provide you the general opinions and then my personal opinions!

does the series get better after EOTW? both opinions agree: yes it does. EOTW is a pretty basic storyline and a slow start to the series, as well as being a LOTR knockoff in many ways, but in the next few books, the story expands, the characters become more complex and interesting (and we unlock more POVs so it's not just 70% rand 30% perrin each book), and things get Funky and Wheel Of Time-y. i've often heard it said that WOT doesn't start feeling like WOT until book 2/3/4 (varying opinions on when exactly it starts hitting its stride).

general opinion is that books 4-6 are the best in the series, with some people including 3 and/or 2 as well. for me personally, it was a drag to get through EOTW (but not terrible seeing as i'm an avid rand/mat shipper and so their endless roadtrip was a delight to me haha), but i read books 2 and 3 pretty quickly because the pace picked up and i liked the storylines of those books a lot more. so for me i'd put 2 as the book when i really got into the series! i'd also agree with general opinion that books 4-6 are my favorite portion, though with the caveat that these books are looooong (esp 4&6; i think 4 is the longest of the whole series) and do take some time to get through, which may be painful if you're not feeling it.

my personal series review:

book 1: i enjoyed 50% of this book

books 2-6: i enjoyed 80% of each book

books 7-14: i enjoyed 20-30% of each book

as you can see, a big nosedive for the later books. various reasons for this, some generally-agreed-on (pacing becomes glacial and there's a glut of minor characters & subplots eating up pagetime while the main characters & main plots tread water; books 8ish-11 are infamously known as "the slog" in WOT fandom lmao) and some personal taste (two romances i despise get a huge amount of pagetime in these books, like the characters are literally constantly together and it's impossible to escape, while most of my favorite romances & relationship dynamics from earlier books are barely present because all the characters split up too far into individual plotlines and never fucking see each other anymore).

so, overall i would say this: i am glad i read all 14 books and i don't regret the time spent, but i enjoyed less than half of them and would never read the series a second time, although i miiiight be willing to someday reread parts or all of books 1-6 (though i would probably skip every single perrin chapter on a reread djfkgh). the high points are very high, but the lows are very low! i started with the show, and even most pro-show readers tend to say that the books are Even Better than the show, but after having experienced both myself i can say with my whole chest that i like the show a LOT more and probably always will.

you could probably skim or read chapter summaries for the rest of EOTW because i think a lot of it is not essential for the future (and some stuff gets retconned anyway), then take a stab at books 2&3. if you're still not vibing after those, then the series probably isn't for you. no shame in that! it is most definitely an acquired taste (my uncle is the biggest fantasy nerd i know, but even he said he's never been able to get all the way through WOT haha so i did feel pretty proud that i could one-up him there! but i never ever would've managed to get through it myself if i hadn't already been so attached to the characters from the show.)

[becauseimanicequeen]

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Deep Night ep. 7

The preview for this episode showed that a lot of focus will be on Wela (and, therefore, also Khem). I do hope I get some throuple moments as well. I mean, we just got a Seji and Pan kiss last episode (a kiss Ken saw) so there has to be some reaction to that in this one, right? Please, show, don’t disappoint me on this front!

I knew that girl would come back and bite everyone in the ass (not literally, though that would’ve been more fun to watch…).

The way James is standing between Great’s legs… I’m kind of annoyed we’ve only gotten crumbs of these two.

Seriously, iQIYI. Will you ever sub text messages and social media posts/comments? I won’t hold my breath, though…

Well, look at that! More Great and James crumbs! It’s funny how much I love them compared to the minimal crumbs we’ve been getting.

Fuck me! I’m 11 minutes into the episode, and this series is seriously making me fall in love with Seji and Pan’s relationship. So much so, I (of all people!) am questioning the thruple?! Hey, show, don’t fucking do this to me! I want poly! I need poly! Give me what you’ve been promoting, for fuck’s sake!

I don’t want to sway… *rocking back and forth*. I don’t want to sway… I need to calm down…

Btw, Seji is looking so fucking fine.

The way Seji hesitated before he said Pan was his boyfriend when he talked to Ken…

Poor Wela. His life is falling apart just because he wanted a job that paid well enough to pay off his dad’s debt.

At least he has Khem as emotional support.

Lol, people really have nothing better to do than take sneaky photos of others and whisper behind their backs. That’s so tragic…

Well, if that teacher was still Porsche’s daddy in Playboy, he would frequent the Deep Night Club for sure. As the teacher here, though?

Damn, Seji and Ken’s new routine looked like they were rolling around in the hay.

Hey, mom, where’s your girlfriend?

There she is!

Freya saying she’s old is the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard in this series. It’s even more bullshit than all the verbal diarrhea coming out of Khem’s aunt’s mouth every time she shows up… Freya is anything but old.

All this talk about Pan and Seji eating each other but not doing it is killing me.

Oh, here goes!

Fuck, they were interrupted…

The way Seji stepped in front of Pan and the way Pan is hiding behind Seji! Why is this series doing this to me?!

Why the fuck are they standing on that table or whatever while the others are standing on the floor questioning them about their relationship? That’s so weird.

James is basically suggesting poly without actually suggesting poly. I love this man. He and I are on the same page (even though this episode is giving me whiplash).

OMFG! Not Khem showing Pan a threesome! (Even though it’s pixilated as hell, it looks like a scene from Playboy, doesn’t it? The one with daddy Aob, Puen, and a client.)

Pan said he didn’t want it, but I swear, he’s thinking about it.

Wait a fucking second! Is he actually thinking about it? As in fantasizing about it?!

OMFG! Yes. Here’s Ken too!

I swear, if Pan ends up doing what I kind of joked about him doing, I’ll go to heaven faster than a fucking rocket.

Shirtless Seji!

Shirtless Ken!

Shirtless Pan!

I fucking love that Pan fantasizes about him being the center of this throuple. It could also be how it actually turns out, though.

Thank every higher power that I’m back on the throuple train again!

What? Freya?! I thought they were girlfriends…

Khem taking care of Wela is my favorite Khem. A little emotional support can go a looooong way.

Come on Khem, teach your mom a thing or two about love.

I get Freya, though. If we ignore that she’s only using lame excuses not to be with Meji… Sometimes it’s easy to be accepting of others (like Freya accepting that Khem likes another boy) but not be as accepting of ourselves (like her own feelings for another woman). It’s a good thing Freya had Khem to reassure her that it’s okay to love, no matter who it is.

All three in the throuple seem to be having a lot on their minds. Is the throuple finally throuple-ing? Are we finally getting some real progress here?

Wait, why is Great sitting on the floor and drinking by himself? Is he afraid to tell James what he wants (considering James’ comment earlier in the episode)?

Khem is Ticketmaster in the flesh, handing out tickets for the club’s re-opening.

They are deliberately hiding the throuple from the preview, right? Showing just a little bit would spoil the whole climax, wouldn’t it? Or am I just being delulu enough to actually expect poly in the next episode?

Honestly, the only thing I remember from this episode right now are the throuple moments. The moments between Pan and Seji in the beginning, James and Khem hinting at poly, and then Pan actually fantasizing about it (and getting a boner). They better fucking make it happen in the next episode (since it’s the last one).

It’s a good thing I think my clown car is pretty and smells much better than a Wunderbaum air freshener…

[somewhere-on-knowhere]

@malvo-ish Starbula bingo for you! :D

Unsurprisingly, I LOVE THEM. The ship that brought me out of a looooong writing retirement because I love them that much xD

Long ramble/essay below!

I actually started shipping them in the months leading up to Vol. 3's release as a crackship, thinking about how cute it would be if Nebula developed a crush on him, but also angsty because she is once again going after the love/approval of someone who prefers her sister over her. So when I saw the opening of Vol. 3 for the first time, I straight-up had an out-of-body experience for a second because it was exactly what I wanted but thought would never happen xD Like, I thought we'd get a couple of friendly interactions between them at best! And then the shippy moments just kept happening! (The sound I made in my quiet-ass movie theater when the "it sounds more like her" scene happened will haunt me for the rest of my life xD)

But yeah, I love everything about their dynamic in the movie. The old married couple bickering, the way they can communicate without words, how they take care of each other. And I genuinely feel like they could be really good for each other once they take the time to get over their respective issues on their own. Both of them are learning to love themselves, doing things that will help them grow and become better versions of themselves, and at some point down the line, I like to think that Nebula will know better how to deal with her feelings for him, and Peter will become open to loving someone new.

Their relationship is just, a combination of so many things that make my head go brrr. Like, just the idea alone of Nebula falling in love with someone is really interesting and something I didn't think would ever be explored, and it shows how far she's come since GOTG1. I usually don't care about romance in the MCU but in this case, it's a great direction for Nebula's arc if you ask me. Also, the DRAMA. Because I find a lot of the appeal of Starbula comes from both characters' relationship to Gamora. They both loved her and she loved both of them, so they probably connected over their shared grief, and once romantic feelings emerged between them, they'd retreat from it at first.

Like, this is all headcanon now but Nebula might see it as betraying Gamora if she were to act on her feelings, not that she even knows how to do that. And Peter would have a shit-tonne of trouble moving on from Gamora. And I think both of them would have this lingering fear that their feelings weren't genuine. Nebula might think her crush is a result of her still feeling like she has to compete with Gamora and prove someone will choose her over her sister. And Peter might assume his feelings for Nebula are just him projecting his love for Gamora onto someone connected to her. I know these are very real criticisms of Starbula but like... if they could get over these things, I think that would be the ultimate sign that they're getting over their issues related to loving and being loved; kind of a perfect conclusion to their healing arcs?

Idk I love that these two make me think like this xD I haven't spent this much brain power on something in many years, hence why I can't stop writing about them (I've got like seven WIPS now help). I adore them both and they deserve happiness and love, and I want them to love each other. And it'd be great if a future movie or special explored that, but if not I'm more than happy to rotate them around in my head and draw my own conclusions. That's the beauty of how open-ended GOTG3 is. <3

[dnangelic]

i just wanted to send some positive words your way and let you know that i absolutely adore the way you write both dark and daisuke. it's clear you put a lot of thought and love into both of them, and your posts have always brought a smile to my face. i'll never forget the shock i felt when your blog popped up in my recommended and, i was on call with my boyfriend at the time, he hears me go 'NO WAY, ARE YOU SERIOUS?' before i slapped the follow button LOL d.n.angel holds a special part of my early teenage years and your blog brings the warmth and nostalgia i felt all those years ago. i almost feel like that 14 year old again, giddy over a silly anime and kicking my feet with excitement every time i see your posts c: thank you for being such a joyous presence on my dash

YOOOO YOU FOUND ME FROM TUMBLR RECCS???? that's so funny... i always thought that thing was useless but i've been proven so wrong LMAO. I'M REAL THOUGH. I'M SO REAL!!! *DOES A JIG* I'M SO GLAD MY BLOG CAN MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY TOO 😭🤧PLEASE IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. dnangel is such a weird series because it feels like everyone's at least -SEEN- or heard of it at least once but then it's still weirdly niche?? like there's not really anything for it esp anymore and nobody talks about it esp now that it's finally finished (manga-wise) after 30 some years but it's still like. most popular/easily recognized niche series ik off the top of my head JJGJKFKJ TYSM FOR UR COMPLIMENTS OVER MY PORTRAYAL TOO!!!

making this blog was such a good exercise in my own growth because going back to it sugisaki had such BANGER themes that i didn't even notice or totally grasp at first when i myself was in middleschool, so i feel like i'm lowkey compensating and paying proper attention to everybody now that i have. well. better critical thinking skills and media literacy DFKJKJGKJKJ even going back i was kind of surprised how it dealt with such dark topics like grief and death and the consequences of Playing God or sins and cycles when like.......... it's also a silly little dramatic rom-com about middleschoolers and immortals but it still never leaves you feeling hopeless or lonely, which as also sugisaki's intention with the series!! it's so nice!! i really wanted to be able to emulate the overall messages of her characters and loving art esp since it ends up so meta for us writers. i'm just happy to write!! doesn't have to be perfect or even exact, since i do take a tiny bit of creative/hc liberty with my own inspos and portrayals for dai n dark! but i'm always having sm fun interacting with everybody, AND I RLLY APPRECIATE U TOO!!! 🙇🙇

i'll probably be around for a looooong time bc dai n dark r just as much treasured and influential for me (i was also one of those 14 yr olds, i have embarrassing dnangel merch on top of piles of manga laying around, im certifIED REAL FAN /J) but it makes me so happy my posts bring u joy. im glad bc i know i can post/talk ooc a lot before i get the time to actually properly sit down and Write but that's just how it is for a lot of us kjgkjgfb anyways, thank u again!! things like this rlly help my confidence since actually at the start i had no idea if i could do like... a protagonist (daisuke)/'popular' (to me. dark/dnangel is popular and legendary and overwhelming in the eyes of the tumblr populace to Me-) chara any justice, but im put at ease any time i get such warm feedback like this!!! 💐💐💐FOR YOU! u get even more flowers this time straight from me!!! go buy urself a treat for being so nice!!!

[social-muffin]

I know you said for anyone, but tbh I really like hearing you talk about anyone so it's so hard to decide aaaa. So I present you 4 options, Hibari and skull of course, But I want to shake your head and see if you got anything mukuro and xanxus(you don't have to do all 4 just at your discretion). 🦾💄👻👽

Thank you so so so so much for asking!! I send an Ask to you in return! 💞

This got looooong! Because I did answer for everyone. Hope you enjoy!! :3

Read More time!

🦾 A disability headcanon

Skull

Skull is giving me all sorts of vibes for Adhd and Dyslexia. The Adhd cause canonically that guy is not sitting still or paying attention. And to specify his dyslexia! He is absolutely multilingual. It's just that he is at completely different levels of being able to read or write depending on the language. He still can't write anything in Italian without making people around him act embarrassed on his behalf, but he can navigate around using streetsigns when he takes the time to read them properly!

Skull also has memory issues every now and then, because his ADHD is accompanied by occasional dissociation.

Hibari

This guy has Autism as well as misophonia I think. Autism because Namimori is his special interest, fighting is his hyperfixation, he stimms via pacing/patrolling, he does not get social cues and if you so much as touch his schedule/routine he will probably kick you through the nearest wall. Misophonia is just additional sound sensitivity. As in, he is unable to not focus on uncomfortable sounds. Hibari dislikes crowding because he can't deal with the sounds people's bodies make when they're eating and talking. It's distracting.

Also Fun Fact! Apparently, Misophonia is also called Sound-rage. That suits him nicely I think. :3

Xanxus

I am shaking my brain, so let's see!

Excluding the last Arc cause. The guy just really lost that, huh.

I'm thinking... PTSD at the very least. Whether he was aware during the time he was frozen or not, that whole thing is severely traumatizing and I think he suffers flashbacks whenever he gets chilly at least. Winter at the Varia mansion is absolutely heck.

Also... I think for a while after he was unfrozen, Xanxus suffers from involuntary age regression(A symptom, not a disability itself). Whether it's the trauma of being frozen or of suddenly waking up eight years older, he was not acting his physical age. In fact, I think the Varia Arc is a bit of a childish tantrum on his end. Hope he gets better soon. 😔

Mukuro

Yea, he also has PTSD. From his childhood as well as the Vindice prison. And he is blind in his red eye, at most he can differentiate light and dark on that side. He has insomnia because he doesn't want to wake up back in his cell. And I think the lives he's lived and the fact illusions are his whole deal, gives him a very similar experience to schizophrenia. 100%, this guy has scared himself with unintended/involuntary illusions on more than one occasion.

💄 An appearance headcanon

Hibari

His entire body is covered with all sorts of scars. Tiny ones, as well as a scar that spams the entire lenght of his thigh. He has gotten incredibly good at makeup to cover the visible scars, because he doesn't know what to tell people that ask questions. He also has miniscule scars on his face because... Have you see how messed up he gets in Canon??? Multiple times??? Like, yes sure, with some makeup, there is no visible difference, but he feels a pang of regret and annoyance when he looks at himself first thing in the morning.

Skull

His hair and eyes are flame dyed and nobody except him knows! Skull was born with bright, almost platinum blond hair and light blue eyes. When he went flame active, ways before he got any kind of fame, his purple got everywhere actually. Skull likes the colour tho, so he never felt the need to do anything about it lmao. There is one story cooking in my brain in which Skull gradually desaturated because of the curse and it pisses him off...

Also tattoos and piercings. Everywhere.

Xanxus

Pre freeze, he was often called handsome. Post freeze, he does not get nearly that many compliments. He thinks it's cause he's ugly now, but it's really just because he is more aggressive and visibly hate-filled. Eventually, his guardians start paying him random compliments, just because. It makes Xanxus feel a little better I like to think.

Oh also! Pre freeze he had a lot of moles all over his body. The scars cover some of them now, but not all, especially on his back.

(XS headcanon: Squalo likes finding/seeing stuff in his scars and moles like Xanxus's back is some messed up Version of the night sky. Xanxus will never admit that it makes him feel so pretty.)

Mukuro

Mukuro actually likes his blue eye better. That colour is so rich and beautiful... Sometimes he likes to just Illusion his red eye back to that blue, because it makes him feel pretty. Also he has all the gender. Whether or not he has boobs is a day-to-day decision, really.

👻 A headcanon about what scares them

For this one I googled phobia names UwU

Hibari

He has Agoraphobia (fear of enclosed, crowded spaces) and this fear expresses itself with a desire to brawl. He also has mild entomophobia (insects), which I headcanon because it'd be hilarious if Hibari saw a bug and jumped cause that startled him.

Hibari also has Mazeophobia (fear of getting lost) but he deals with that by just always having some kind of a map of the area on him. Needing an up to date map on his person, is why it sometimes takes him a few days to get to a battle (Simon Arc). Otherwise, he's fearless/has no good sense of self preservation.

Skull

Skull suffers from Athazagoraphobia (fear of being ignored, forgotten or forgetting someone) which heavily contributes to how annoying people perceive him to be. It also makes his memory issues worse to deal with for him. Skull has gotten into the habit of dedicating tattoos or piercings he gets to people he knows and likes. He never tells the person, but he likes having a reminder constantly on himself.

Skull also likes to say he has a rational fear of weapons and violence.

Xanxus

Xanxus has to deal with Cryophobia (fear of cold). This fear expresses itself through rage, naturally. If you see him shivering and looking irritated... Run.

Xanxus also has a mild case of Autophobia (fear of being alone/abandoned). This stems from his childhood, because when his mother handed him over to Timoteo, he did feel abandoned by her. This fear would express itself through a wave of sadness though. If his guardians abandoned him, Xanxus would be so hurt. May react angrily, but there is so much grief behind that anger.

Also Xanxus has Cleithrophobia (fear of being trapped). Because again, he was trapped in a popsicle for a while. If ever he was affected by temporary paralysis during battle, he would not be okay afterwards.

Mukuro

Mukuro deals with Atelophobia (fear of being imperfect) because I imagine as he was experimented on, he was punished for imperfections. It's not a paralysing fear of his, but it is something that's in the back of his mind as he schemes in his day-to-day life. He prefers making plans that cannot fail.

He also has Agoraphobia (fear of enclosed spaces). Yes, just like Kyoya, which I find amusing. For different reasons, but still. In Mukuro's case because he was in a glass tube for months at least, in Hibari's case because enclosed spaces are easily crowded and he doesn't like that. Mukuro's fear is more intense than Kyoya's. He will destroy anything and anyone that tries to keep him confined anywhere.

Also Mukuro has Pistanthrophobia (fear of trusting others) because why else would he act like he doesn't love his gang. He is terrified that they would use his trust against him, so he tries not to develop trust. But that's so difficult when people are so genuine and consistent....

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of theirs

Hibari

If you can't find him anywhere and it's late evening, check in the alleyway next to Takesushi's. He is probably holding open the dumpster there for stray cats. Yes, that routinely gets him whacked with Tsuyoshi's broom. He will do it anyway.

Skull

Skull is pretty gullible, which makes him susceptible to common superstitions! If you tell him doing something weird wards off bad luck or brings good luck, he will do that thing before his next stunt! One time Skull threw salt over his shoulder before a mission and that hit Reborn in the face. Which caused outrage. Every Arco called Reborn salty for the rest of that week lmao

Xanxus

Xanxus sleeps with three blankets and five pillows because he likes being cozy. And warm. He likes being warm above all else. The Varia routinely give him more blankets, just in case. One time all of Xanxus's blankets were destroyed by an attack and all of the Varia slept without blankets that night cause Xanxus stole theirs as revenge.

Mukuro

The weirdest quirk Mukuro has is probably that he has one completely ordinary hobby. So.... Mukuro's favourite past time is bowling. Because when he was way wayyyy little that was a family member's favourite thing to watch on TV. Mukuro doesn't actually remember why he likes bowling so much.

[kylekozmikdeluxo]

Those Two Times BIONICLE and TOTAL DRAMA Came to My Rescue

#longpost likely incoming...

Some things have a weird significance in my life, whether it's stuff I genuinely enjoy or stuff I could just take or leave...

But, I just remembered something...

I was looking through some older videos of mine, and came across a few I did in the pit of the miserable summer that was mid-2020. And while watching these old videos to see what kind of editing I did, I was hit with intense flashbacks... Flashbacks that reminded me how confusing and scary those times were for me, amidst the pandemic and life seemingly not about to get better. Add to that, a lot of nationwide happenings, and seeing people around me devolve into parroting all the worst misinformation about the then-current political climate.

I had some other things going on at the time, too, that ranged from disheartening to outright terrifying... I'd say July/early August 2020 was where I had some serious anxiety attacks...

Conversely, I was uncorking a version of me that I kinda had suppressed through high school, and really dialed down during my weird snobby pseudo-adult college years. So, I was letting a wild unchained side of myself flourish again circa May-August 2020. I was writing and drawing and creating some wiiiiild stuff, stuff I hadn't genuinely enjoyed creating in a looooong while. I think a lot of this was due to not having to worry about a work schedule and other commitments, I was home all the time! So, I had all the time in the world to let my creativity flow like a dam had been burst.

And then meanwhile, all this unrest was going on, COVID was not lessening because people kept spreading it, misinfo was everywhere, TFG is king!!! The 2020 presidential election looming, threats of violence and voter suppression from the right- which eventually plateaued with the 1/6 attempted insurrection... And then there was something else that I won't specify, but something that was emotionally draining me and terrifying the fuck out of me around this time... To the point where I was worried I'd associate my weird wacko creative autistic side of myself with this very thing, and suppress it again out of fear... Reject it outright, even! But luckily, I closed off the problem and continued onward, I continued to write and draw the stuff I love to make...

But by mid-August of 2020, it was like I had made it out of a trip through some kind of hell. Battered and smashed, to borrow from the opening monologue of MAD MAX 2...

And around this time, I guess because I was in the mood for them or I was feeling kind of warm and cozy inside... I revisited two things I dig...

BIONICLE and TOTAL DRAMA...

Weirdly enough, I turned to both of those franchises when it came to bad periods in my life...

BIONICLE and I go way back. As in, when this very Lego line was first introduced in North America in the summer of 2001. My love affair with BIONICLE was a bit on and off afterwards. It was my whole jam throughout 2001, all the way into the fall/winter. (I got tons of Bonkle sets for my birthday and for Christmas.) Into early 2002 as well, I was writing fanfiction even. I was like "When I'm older, I'll make animated movies, and a BIONICLE movie will be one of them!" And I was writing that theoretical movie for some time!

(I still would LOVE to make animated movies, but right now, I'm putting my focus on making comics and graphic novels.)

Then I kinda put BIONICLE aside, and then got back into it, somewhat, in late 2002. When the Toa Nuva sets came out... I remember buying the new Gali Nuva set on my first-ever trip to New York City, got it at the FAO Schwartz!

Then I put the franchise aside, again... and then turned to it once more in late 2003... That was when... The first MOVIE came out. The direct-to-video Miramax release BIONICLE: MASK OF LIGHT... Plus, the arrival of many new sets: Takanuva, the Toa of Light. The Rahkshi. Plus, beasts like the Gukko bird and Pewku the crab. I bought the blue Rahkshi back then, and played around with the mini-CD that came with it. Back when PCs having a CD-ROM (!) drive was a big must... So, I was all about Bonkle again!

And in late 2003, I needed it... Because I was dealing with middle school pains (it was my first year), my paternal grandfather slowly dying after a stroke, various bullshit, and me just not being myself and having a lot of personal problems to work through. The franchise took a break after MASK OF LIGHT, and it later made its big return with the all-new prequel storyline set in a whole new location. That was in late 2004. Naturally, I was ready to go all-in: New movie, new characters, new sets, everything. But I'm getting ahead of myself here... BIONICLE, during the MASK OF LIGHT era, was like a warm blanket I could to turn to in late 2003. A special interest I could sink myself in. I was writing stories back then, too, so it naturally appealed to me with its colorful array of characters and its rich worldbuilding and lore. It's why all those BIONICLE Lore memes bring me so much joy. Other people were engulfed in this stuff, too!

Eventually, BIONICLE was off my radar by about late 2005 or so, as my brain drifted to other special interests.

So, enter 2008... I had finished sophomore year of high school in June 2008, an absolutely horrid semester for a multitude of reasons that I went over in other posts (particularly my 2-part post on my weird history with the MADAGASCAR movies), but... The short version? I was 15, depressed, feeling like I was the worst person, I was absolutely shook by a friendship turned sour and going on cutthroat message boards as my unrefined autistic self, I didn't have one of my close friends around to help me feel better about things, and my maternal grandfather was slowly dying after a disastrous hospital visit, I was getting wind that I wasn't straight and that horrified me... Yes, late 2007 going into early 2008 freakin' suuuuuucked.

(15 years later, the present... I'm openly queer. Please don't read that above sentence as me being upset that I'm not straight. I was back then because I was 15 and homophobia was rampant in its own peculiar way in 2008.)

And by summer 2008, there was a streak in me of sorts. That I aggressively wanted for things to get better, but the bad chemistry in my brain wasn't letting me- until I snapped out of it. (It also helped that this bummer mood was pissing off others around me, and some of them have HAD IT, and they sure let me know!) And by the end of August 2008... All those horrible, hateful, bad feelings... Were gone...

Yes folks, I remember when these things specifically happened... That's how my autistic analytical photographic memory works, for better or for worse...

So, around that time, a particular Canadian animated TV series had come to Cartoon Network in the United States... TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.

Now, when I caught wind of this show, I was like... "Total Drama? DRAMA? What has Cartoon Network come too???"

I had kinda given up on Cartoon Network sometime in mid-2007, a little after their president at the time - Jim Samples - got fired for the AQUA TEEN movie scare involving LED lights of the Mooninites hung around Boston that were thought to be bombs placed by terrorists throughout the city. (Yes, this actually happened. The W. Bush/immediate post-9/11 era was a weeeeeird time.)

Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, Cartoon Network after Samples left. I was uninterested by then, and kinda stupidly nostalgic for what the network was prior to 2006/07. I was definitely more into [adult swim] by then, for sure! But, once in a while I'd pop on CN in early 2008 and see things like... SKUNK FU? MR. MEN? JOHNNY TEST, I think? When I wanted to see reruns of, say, ED EDD N' EDDY or even something like FOSTER'S HOME FOR IMAGINARY FRIENDS. Keep in mind, this was during sick days... And CN mornings during sick home from school days were... Also weird... Heck, I think one of the things I randomly watched on CN during a sick day was that CGI GARFIELD movie where he and Odie go to the real world. When you're 15, depressed, bored, and whatnot, you end up watching unlikely shit.

Again, I went off track... It's what I do, sorry. I'm a tangenter, for sure. I probably lost you, if I did, I apologize! Anyways... So, I see these listings for this "Total Drama" show and I'm like... This is what it's come to, huh?

I had caught glimpses of it, and thought... What are these characters? They're all terrible stereotypes! Ironic, coming from an actual 15-year-old at the time... But then, for whatever reason, I put it on... It was the episode "X-treme Torture". The one where Heather's top gets ripped off by the tree branch, and they show her blurred breasts...

And I was like, "Wait? This is on CARTOON NETWORK and not ADULT SWIM???" I had also seen that it was rated TV-PG, rare for a CN show back in the day. I was used to their stuff being either TV-G or TV-Y7 (sometimes with an FV)... So, it was a surprise to me, and I was intrigued. What 15-year-old wouldn't be? So I watched more of it, and found myself quite enjoying it for its fun characters, weird humor, and... Well, I also had crushes on several of the contestants back then, too, haha. In true form, my favorite was probably Gwen, the goth girl. Yeah, I'm one of those sadsacks who always had a cliched love for goth gals. Loved goth gals then, and I love goth women now. It didn't begin with Gwen, for sure, but she was a major part of it all no less.

So, yeah, I really dug TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND. I even looked up uploads of the original Canadian version on YouTube at the time, to see all the cuss words we didn't get in the stinky states. (The butchering of Lindsay going off on Heather in 'That's Off The Chain' is a work of censorship that astounds me - in all the wrong ways - to this day.) I largely kept this love for the show secret, and eventually I kinda forgot about it over time. I didn't really check out TOTAL DRAMA ACTION much when it was airing in spring 2009-ish, the rest passed me by. I briefly checked out ALL-STARS for a bit. There's a new season that's been out... Only in Italy, apparently. "Short Run in Peru", haha.

But in mid-to-late 2008, I was all-in on TOTAL DRAMA...

And, I got back into BIONICLE around the fall of 2008! I didn't follow any of the new stuff, I strictly stuck to the 2001-2004 era BIONICLE stuff. Mata Nui era and early Metru Nui era. I rewatched the first two movies, and I had a blast. It was fun to dig out my old sets. (Which are now in my studio.)

...

So then, fast-forward... August 2020... Coincidentally...

For whatever reason, I decided to revisit TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND... And BIONICLE...

When I revisited TOTAL DRAMA, I was struck by just how genuinely funny and entertaining it was, how sharp the voice acting is (Christian Potenza in particular, like he's having a ball as Chris McLean), and I even found something to appreciate in its often-criticized art style. Its slow pace, the reality show format, how it parodies the genre and also embraces its most entertaining elements (making for what is perhaps the *best* reality show? Leave it to animation to make a genre I generally dislike into something enjoyable), the summer island vibes, its looseness... Like, there's something kinda cozy about it. Later seasons are a little faster and a little more hectic, I feel.

And when I was re-watching TDI, along with the cheesy direct-to-DVD BIONICLE movies, all felt right in the world circa August-September 2020ish. In a sort-of weird, maybe not nostalgic way, but in a cozy and comfortable way. One is a good vibes show, the other is a cool lore-packed action-adventure with colorful robots. They're both big hits with me, that's for sure.

Maybe I'll pop the lid off of both pretty soon... It's August 2023, and life's been rough for me once more... I moved out earlier this year, I'm trying to find a really good job (my work situation right now is kinda mixed), anti-LGBTQIA+ shit continuously brings me down as I grapple with being openly queer and having to deal with a good chunk of my family being very conservative, I have rent to pay now, and groceries too, and it's ahhhhhhh!

Maybe August is made for TOTAL DRAMA and BIONICLE...

Isn't it weird how life repeats certain verses and choruses?

[springvaletales]

⋆ NAME?: Soli

⋆ PRONOUNS?: She/They (anything goes, really, so long as it's not meant insultingly).

⋆ MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: Michael, though I've been making an effort to put his four friends in the spotlight more, as they were originally meant to be. XD It's tough tho, because I also never turn down an opportunity to use some of my worldbuilding characters for some memes.

⋆ RP PET PEEVES?: Responses that disregard details or actions my muses have openly made/have/done. It makes me feel like my response wasn't actually read, but more skimmed just enough for the other person to continue writing the idea they already had down. If there's going to be an established plot or action sequence, I'd at least like a heads up so it doesn't feel like my muses are suddenly being benched for a Main Character cutscene.

Alternatively, responses that know things about my muse(s) that wouldn't be common knowledge (like who Michael's real patron is, knowing about Haaruma's scars, knowing how Bashur broke his horns, etc.). I'm cool with plotting for muses to know that kind of thing going in, but when it happens without any communication between writers it feels like metagaming, and makes the thread less of a collaboration.

⋆ EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: I've been writing/RPing in some form for about 15 years now. I started off trading giant empty notebooks with friends between classes to write painfully 2000's self-insert fics, and moved to Tumblr in 2009 when I realized there were social spaces beyond Facebook.

I've been here ever since. >:3c

⋆ FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: Of the three I most prefer fluff. I am ace, so writing smut, for me, is an exercise in frustration (I don't want to bang, but my muses do, and what my fictional children want they get even if it kills me) and takes a looooong time, so it's not usually something I share with others.

I do like angst, but only if it's wrapped up with some comfort at the end. I went through a period of my life a few years ago where all I wanted to read was angst, and it burnt me out like a dry piece of hay. I had to step away from angst fics for a few years, and while I'm better at handling that kind of content now, I still prefer it to have some kind of happy or hopeful ending.

⋆ PLOTS OR MEMES?: Both!! I love plotting out longer threads with people (whether serious, silly, or other), but I think memes are a great way to just throw characters together and see how they click!

I also like using meme interactions in the backgrounds of longer threads, to either quietly establish how muses met or just as extra information we can pepper in to past interactions.

⋆ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: As long as the response can move the thread forward and I have something to react to, I don't care how long it is. I tend to make mine a couple paragraphs, if ever possible, just because I like to give my writing partner's as much as I can to work with, but I never want to pressure anyone to match lengths.

I've lived that pressure, hated it, and don't wish it on anyone.

⋆ TIME TO WRITE?: Usually the evenings, 5pm-midnight. Sometimes inspiration strikes during the day, but I usually don't have time on a workday to fully write out responses, so I just have to sit on them until I get home.

⋆ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?: Now that I've gotten into therapy, yes. There are many ways in which I am like my muses. A lot of those ways are kind of personal, and I'm still fully detangling them all in my head, but I have definitely been using these poor NPCs to work through some things through D&D.

Tagged by: @deaddoveadventures

Tagging: @cupcakesmuses, @wanderingarcherviola

[primewritessmut]

47, 49, 81, 99

Also I'm soooooo curious about the 1930s Albany research 👀👀👀

47. what story are you most proud of?

Oh, damn. You just came straight out and asked me to choose my favorite child. 😂

I’m honestly proud of (almost) everything I’ve written but all for different reasons. Each one of them walks around with a special little trophy. First finished fic. First multi-chapter. First first person pov. First “dark” work. Etc. But the one I’m MOST proud of right now is the story I wrote for Spooktober; it’s the first original story I’ve actually buckled down and finished from beginning to end.

So now that I’ve proven I can do it, watch out world, I guess.

49. do you want to be published some day?

Yes? No? I have complicated feelings about being published, mostly because I don’t want this thing I really enjoy, that brings some small measure of peace in (gestures broadly) all this, to become something I have to do.

But, I also like to sleep with a roof over my head and eat so wouldn’t it be nice if this thing I spend so much time on could help with that?

I’ve “““monetized””” an enjoyable skill of mine before and still haven’t recovered. Funny to say here, maybe, but the social media requirements alone to be successful in a field like writing/publishing makes me want to disappear into a cave and never be seen from again.

I could go on so, yeah. Complicated.

81. if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

Keep fucking writing, you industrial grade moron.

There was a looooong span of my life where I didn’t write anything at all. (Except those half-stories I’d tell myself to get my brain to chill enough to fall asleep.) When I look at the difference between things I wrote last year (when I got back into writing after way too long) versus stuff I wrote this year, the difference in quality is already so huge.

I just… I wish it was a skill I had kept up with instead of letting stupid adulthood raze everything to the ground.

99. was being a writer a dream of yours when you were little? or did it spring up when your older? or is it just a hobby?

It was never a dream of mine but, in a truly bizarro world twist, it was something both of my parents wanted me to pursue. Like, who does that? “No, Prime. Don’t go into astronomy or business admin, be a writer.”

Writing doesn’t really feel like a dream even now. It feels like coming home in a weird sense. Like breathing through a straw and then, finally, getting to fill your lungs all the way. So… I guess I wouldn’t call it a hobby so much as an imperative. That doesn’t mean anyone but seventeen people on Tumblr and 300 people on AO3 will ever get to read it, though.

In that sense, I suppose it’s a hobby?

Also I'm soooooo curious about the 1930s Albany research 👀👀👀

There’s this fic that takes place in the 1930s (shout-out to the Malevolent podcast) predicated on the fact that a Very Bad Thing™️ happened in Albany in the main character’s past. And he’s on this journey to find the thing he lost during the Very Bad Thing which takes him around various New York cities that eventually leads him back to Albany.

I’ve looked up census data, historical photos, distance between towns, the type of car someone might be driving and how fast it could travel, local churches (photos and floor plans), and then drew myself a dumb little map so I could trace his journey as I wrote it.

I don’t know if it’s made the story any better, but it’s definitely made me feel more comfortable when writing the scenery. 😂