#but still its been like two years since ive seriously drawn something and i have completley forgotten how to color

[littiaye]

the sun and the moon

this was the intended formatting, i’ll leave it here for you :)

[marauder-exe]

Fake Dating- Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Request:  Hi! Can you write a Stark!Reader x Peter Parker (Andrew please) were they’re fake dating because May was starting to catch onto the Spider-Man gig? They end up catching feelings and are scared to admit it? I hope this made sense! Thank you!

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N; id love some feedback on this! and let me know if youd like a part 2

“So, let me get this straight” Peter nodded for you to continue “You want to fake date?” He nodded again. You gave him a questioning look. “Care to explain or no?”.

“Right, right. So, Aunt May is starting to catch on. The other day, I came home all dirty from helping people and she looked at me like I just killed someone. So, you know about the spiderman thing so that's not a problem. And since your my best friend” He gave a sweet smile “i figure, when she finds out we've been ‘dating’ she’ll think thats why Ive been acting strange.” He explained like it made absolute sense. It didn't. You were contemplating throwing him off of the roof you where stood on.

“righttttt...” You looked at him strangely. “How do you know it'll work?” you had a feeling this was gonna go very wrong.

“well, you know- you know, she's aunt May, shell believe it” There was also another problem.

“You know if my dad gets wind of this he will literally kill you right? Like he will 100 percent get all the avengers to murder you, and then he’ll bring you back to life, then re-kill you himself” You stated dramatically. He paled then gave you a look. That look. The look that he had given you for the last 5 years. The ‘im right just trust me on this one’ look. 9 times out of ten he wasn't right. But for the sake of both of you, you hoped this was the one time he was right.

“Fine fine, ill be your fake girlfriend or whatever” You groaned leaning into his shoulder.

“Wow, (Y/N) act more believable” He joked.

“Ah, Peter Parker, of course ill be your fake girlfriend!” You laughed loudly, shoving him.

“Shh, she might hear you!” He joined in, throwing his head back in laughter. After the laughter died down, you lay your head on Peters shoulder. You looked out into the sunset. It made you feel weird. Peter Parker's girlfriend. No. Peter Parker's fake girlfriend.

As the night was getting late, you decided to make your walk home, not before making your ‘relationship’ very clear to Aunt May. She was sat in the living room as Peter walked you to the door. As he opened the door for you, May looked your way, so you stood on your tiptoes and pressed a quick kiss to Peters lips before scurrying out the door. He lifted a finger to his lips and blushed. Obviously Aunt May, who’d known you for 5 years and had never seen you kiss Peter, had some questions.

“Peter? What was that about?” Her question pulled him out of his romantic state. Its just because she's your best friend, He told himself.

“uh-h” He awkwardly laughed. Why was he so hopeless. “She's my girlfriend, now, actually” He mumbled tentatively. Before he knew it, Aunt May had gotten up and swooped him into a hug.

“I always knew you two had something going on!” She cheered. He furrowed his brows but hugged back nonetheless. Why would she think that? He shrugged of the thought and told Aunt May he was going to bed.

“Hey Parker! Hows ‘the plan’ going?” You jogged up to him as he made is way through the school corridors, clutching his camera. “She believe it?”

“y-yeah she did” He noted as you fist pumped the air. He thought you looked amazingly beautiful today. As you two stepped outside, he spotted a cleared bench, he longed to take a photo of you.

“(Y/N)?” He asked getting your attention. “Stand righttttt there” He pointed towards the clear bench as you happily jogged over and stood on it. Peter had always taken photos of you, but today it felt different. For him at least.

“Like this?” You giggled as you struck a pose.

“Yeah yeah, exactly like that” he threw his head back in laughter as he snapped plenty of photos at your ridiculous poses.

“(Y/N)! Parker!” Your photography fun was immediately stopped by the dreaded voice of Flash Thompson, making his way over.

“uh oh” You whispered to Peter as he helped you jump from the bench.

“I hear she's your new girlfriend” Flash nodded towards you, grinning devilishly. You and Peter looked at each other.

“Yeah- Yeah she is” He was trying to be brave. It wasn't working very well.

“Lay off, Flash” You both turned your heads your Gwen Stacey, the girl Peter had been crushing on for a few weeks. Although, he didn't feel like that any more.

“Come on, Gwen. You cant seriously believe this can you. Little Peter Parker dating famous Tony Stark’s beautiful, intelligent daughter?” You felt disgusted at his comment, so did Gwen. “Does Daddy even know? Nah, he couldn't, Parker would be dead by now. Or has Daddy just lost his game? Not as strong as he used to be. You could feel that Peter was about to say something out of anger, so you quickly moved your hand to hold his, even though anger was coursing through your veins

“Listen, Flash Thompson” The group of students surrounding the scene got slowly bigger. “im not dating ‘little Peter Parker’ im dating Peter Parker, a guy who is 10 times more smart and intelligent and handsome as you'll ever be. So why don't you go listen to Mommy’ nodding towards Gwen. “And lay off. Oh wait! You don't have a Mommy” You made a mock sad face then giggled. The entire group was in shock, even Peter. Okay maybe it was a bit uncalled for, but he shouldn't have insulted your dad.

Flashs’ face turned magenta as he balled his fist and tried to throw a punch. You ducked under his fist. Your dad had taught you to fight once you could walk.

“Wow! You just tried to hit a girl” You smiled incredulously, while Flash was still bright red. “Thats fine, im all for feminism, ya know, equal rights equal fights” You said nonchalantly. “You shouldn't have punched Tony Starks daughter though” You added, right as your fist connected with his jaw and our foot connected with his nether regions. You grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back as the ever expanding group cheered. Just as you were about to stand on top him, Peter grabbed you and pulled you away.

“Okay, enough fighting, avengers style” He dragged you inside the hallway.

“He deserved it for what he was saying” You grumbled.

“Im sure he did but-” Peter paused as he saw the principle and two concerned looking teachers, making their way down the hallway. “Rain check?” He whispered.

“Yep!” You whispered back as you jumped onto his back and he sped of, out of the school.

“You have to admit, it was pretty cool” You grinned at Peter as he fixed up the cuts on your knuckles.

“It was cool. You knocked out Flash Thompson. ‘The’ Flash Thompson. But you got yourself hurt in the process” He whined.

“Wow, Mr ‘im-spiderman-and-i-risk-my-life-everyday Is telling me about danger, okay I see how it is” You joked.

“You know what I mean” He grinned. As he finished wrapping your hands, you heard footsteps coming upstairs. “Its Aunt May. What do we do?” Before you could think of anything, you instinctively brought his lips to yours and your hand fell into his hair. He kissed back passionately, like his entire life had been leading up to this moment. It sent a flurry of butterflies into your stomach. He felt the same thing. His lips tingled and his hand lay on your waist. You had officially caught feelings. And so had he. You heard the door open and kept your eyes tightly shut and lips moving.

“You got into a fi-” You furrowed your brows, that didn't sound like Aunt May. You moved away from Peters loving kiss to face the door. The second you saw who it was your face turned bright red, you were done for.

“Dad?!” You shrieked. Peter was drawn from his daze, dreaming of you beautiful lips, by your loud voice.

“Mr. Stark” He almost fell out of his chair at the sight of Tony Stark, Happy and Aunt May, all stood in the door in shock.

“Alright, Spiderling, hands off my daughter” Your dad hurried over and grasped your hand, gently shoving you out the room. Of course Tony Stark knew about him.

“s-see you later, Parker” You muttered. After Tony left, Aunt May shut the door awkwardly, returning to living room. And once, he was left alone with his thoughts. His thoughts about you.

[hanjisungz-remade]

penny for your thoughts? ☽ changbin

✦ genre: harry potter au, fluff, slow burn ✦ description: perhaps staying behind for christmas break would be good. you could get a lot of studying in for OWLs and since you were alone, you wouldn’t get distracted... except you weren’t alone ✦ pairings: seo changbin x reader ✦ word count: 28.2k ✦ warnings: mild language, tooth rotting fluff (seriously.... its a lot) ✦ a/n: ive had this idea for so long (nearly 4 years) and im so excited to finally write it! merry christmas and happy holidays in general to you all that celebrate, i hope you eat well and rest well and enjoy 💓 

i.

“Did you hear about the accident in Potions class today?” Jisung spoke quickly, elbow locked with your own as you tried to avoid being separated in the large crowd of students. Somehow he was always able to get the most gossip out of students and continue to stay at the top of your class. 

“No, I’ve been busy focusing on OWLs. I would tell you that you should study too but I know you’ll ace them all.” You nudged him, almost pushing him into a very annoyed looking Slytherin. 

“Hey! I’ve done my fair share of studying as well.” Jisung pouted but shook his head, focusing on shuffling his feet and recounting his story. “Okay so the accident. It was fucking hilarious, first of all. Secondly, I heard this first-year couldn’t tell the difference between fluxweed and knotgrass when they tried to make Polyjuice and they blew up the whole cauldron, like boom!” He made an explosion motion with his hands.

“To be fair you’re quite the handful in Potions as well, and that's coming from your partner.” You thought back to Jisung burning his eyebrows off in third-year after incorrectly mixing ingredients among the many other things you’ve had to endure the past years.

“I will have you know, I am the best partner ever. You get better marks because you fix my mistakes!” Jisung was about to go on but he suddenly lifted his head, a soft, “woah” coming out as you both entered the Great Hall.

Lights were just being hung up as everyone walked into the Great Hall. Professors flicked their wands and spun the strings together to turn the admittedly boring beige walls into a disco-like party of reds and greens.

The tables, which had normally been decorated quite plainly, were now filled with anything and everything Christmas-like. Small trees sat at the head of each table and at the front table where the teachers sat. The goblets shined with a dark red glow, and the cloths protecting the wood from careless students were dyed a light green and shined with sparkles of glitter. Every year they seemed to do something different, whether it be the color of lights on the tree, the decorations around the house banners hung on the walls or the jeweled arrangement on the cups.

You made your way to the Ravenclaw table quietly, smiling at your other friend Luna as you sat down next to her. Before you could say anything, everyone cheered at the sight of the food being served. To be fair, you were very hungry, and you almost joined in on the loud hollers and claps, mostly coming from the Gryffindor table.

As plates of food floated down the long tables you listened to everyone talking. At the table next yours the Hufflepuffs quietly munched on their food, no words being exchanged except for the occasional student squealing and cursing from another playing a trick on them. From that table you made eye contact with your friend Seungmin, raising your eyebrows and laughing when he held up a Potions book and mouthed “kill me” to you. 

Behind you the Slytherins sat quietly, some of them laughing at one of the other houses while others had their heads in their books. You never fully understood the motivations of Slytherins. They loved to be top of the class yet they always felt as if there was something else higher to achieve. Though you couldn’t find them too weird, you were the top of the class and you still wanted to go higher, still wanted to prove yourself. 

You always wondered if you should have been placed in Slytherin, but no one ever dared question the Sorting Hat. That, and you heard a rumor that the Hat took your own feelings into account, and you knew you were always more drawn to Ravenclaw.

On the opposite wall there was a loud murmuring, the Gryffindor’s heads clacking together and you could only assume they were talking about something interesting with your they all seemed to push together into the middle of the long table. How they could relay a message down the whole table made no sense to you, it all sounded like an impossible game of ‘Telephone’, yet with the nodding of heads it looked as if they got their message across.

“Think they’re having another dick measuring contest?” Jisung whispered in your ear as you both began filling up your plates. Of course he had to overload his, but you knew he would end up eating it all.

“I think they wait to go back to the Common Room to do that.” You stated simply, shoveling as much turkey as you thought you could eat onto your large plate. It always turned out that your eyes were bigger than your stomach, but much like Jisung, you were determined to finish.

To your other side Luna leaned towards you, one hand on a fork and the other holding a book open. “Have you guys finished the Herbology study book yet?” Her voice was soft and barely above a whisper.

OWLs started two weeks after Christmas break and to say you were completely not ready was an understatement. You had studied day and night since the beginning of the year, getting as many books from the library that you could. Learning was fun and while you were quite good at it, the thought of failing was always a fear of yours. With the deadline rapidly approaching, so was your heart rate. 

“I skimmed through it but I feel like it would be better to have more hands-on experience.” Jisung shrugged, stuffing his cheeks with turkey and vegetables from the floating plates passing by even though he had a near full plate sitting in front of him.

“Smarty pants.” You looked at Jisung, sticking your tongue out at him. “I’ve been really busy with Potions so I haven’t started yet. How about you?” 

“I haven’t even started either. I’ve been trying to memorize these spells for Charms but I can never find the time to practice them.” Luna launched forward, nose fitting perfectly in the middle of the textbook, a loud sigh escaping her.

“Well, we can study together more often if you want?” You offered, watching Luna lift her head up quickly. You feared for her neck when she did that. 

The three of you would study together in a small group, sometimes recruiting other people and friends from other houses, but with the ‘big tests’ coming up, maybe studying together more often could help more than hurt. Although you did like studying alone more, it was definitely more beneficial to study in a group. It also offered as an occasional distraction when the stress got to be too high.

“Oh my god really? That sounds awesome. You’re the best.” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes while her hands rested in her lap. Through the years of knowing her and being her roommate for one of them, you knew Luna would occasionally meditate to ground herself. She was quite the quirky person, as most Ravenclaws were, but Luna took it to the next level. It wasn’t a bad thing, in fact it made her infinitely more interesting to talk to. 

Her hair was what first drew you to her, it was a coral blue, but when she turned around for the first time you saw glimpses of reds and purples. When you asked her, she said it was an invention her father came up with, color changing hair dye. At that point you knew you had to be her friend.

A comfortable silence fell over the three of you as you continued to eat. Luckily you had friends that felt like silence was as good of communication as talking was. Well, Jisung was quite the jabberjaw, but he always knew when to stop and when to let the room descend into quiet.

If only the rest of the room could have stayed quiet.

Two tables down a loud crash caught everyone's attention. The silence you had wished for just a second ago granted to you. Your eyes fell on a wide eyed boy, his pink hair weighed down from liquid that had been poured on him. By whom? Like everyone else you looked next to him to see another wide eyed boy, this one with dark hair and seemingly older yet you weren’t quite sure.

“Oh shit.” The black haired one said, his wand quickly being tucked back into his red and black robe but it was definitely too late for trying to conceal anything with hundreds of eyes locked onto them. 

Behind the boys came Professor McGonagall, the Head of the Gryffindors, although it was less of a walking over and more of an appearance from thin air. Her glasses rested on the tip of her nose as she looked down at the two cowering boys in front of her.

“Mr. Bang, what is it do you think you’re doing?” Neither of the two turned around, their eyes closed and noses scrunched. Eventually the older looking one turned around, his hands lightly trembling. If Gryffindors had anything to be afraid of, it was Potions class and McGonagall.

“I’m so sorry Professor. I was just practicing my Wingardium Leviosa spell for OWLs.” He reached next to him and patted the pink boy’s head, shooting him an apologetic look when the younger scowled at him. “I tried to levitate my goblet but I must have gotten distracted and it fell.”

You felt Jisung lean towards you, “I call bullshit, the water would have flown everywhere, why just on that poor boy’s head?” Of course Jisung would be the one to use the logical part of his brain to call someone out. 

“You’re definitely a Ravenclaw, aren't you?” You chuckled, nodding at his statement. “As much as I hate to say it, you're right. It was obviously a prank or something.”

“And Mr. Yang,” McGonagall directed her attention to the pink haired boy. One of her hands rested on her hip, “you’re obviously not studying for OWLs, how did you get into this predicament?”

The two boys looked between each other then back at McGonagall. The older one, Mr. Bang, nudged the other with his elbow. At this point they both looked around and noticed the silence in the room, only causing their already pink faces to go full on cherry red.

“Uhh.” The younger one hesitated with his answer. Small droplets of water dripped from the tips of his pink hair. It wasn’t a bright pink, more of a faded bubblegum pink. Whether it was the aftermath of a spell or he chose to do that you weren’t sure but he looked cute. “I was just sitting next to Chan while he was practicing. I’m sorry.”

She nodded before pulling out her wand. With a flick of her wrist and an inaudible mumble of what could only be assumed as a spell, his pink hair flew up, strands flying everywhere before eventually settling back down. Everyone in the Great Hall gasped as they saw his hair was completely dry now. Even the recipient of the spell was surprised, his eyes crossed as he tried to take a look at the hair covering his forehead, mouth gaping open.

“Woah.” The other one, Chan, you could assume, inhaled and lifted his hand up to touch the other’s hair. “How did you do that?” He looked towards McGonagall, all fear and embarrassment gone in favor of wanting to know the spell.

“Maybe I’ll let you know when you pass your OWLs. For now, minus 20 points to Gryffindor.” Her voice conveyed disappointment as she turned around and seemed to glide back up to the big table at the front of the room. 

Once she finished talking a murmur fell among the students. Each table went back to their own devices, studying, eating and gossiping as usual. You continued to eat, your plate slowly dissipating into empty as you listened to the noise around you. Although you couldn’t hear any specific conversation you were content in the atmosphere around you. Noise wasn't always the worst, but more often than not it felt like a million bee buzzing in your head so you tended to lean towards the silent route.

“Oh my god.” As if snapping you out of your thoughts, Jisung nudged you accidentally, pushing his plate away and patting his stomach through his robe. “That was so good I can feel my brain waves flowing.”

“You know sometimes I just have no idea what the fuck you’re saying.” You eyed him, pushing your plate away as well and shaking your head. If you were given a dollar for every time Jisung said something weird you would have been a billionaire in first-year. 

“You don't know how many people have said that to me.” Jisung laughed, the same loud laugh that he always does. A lot of people would make fun of him for having such an animated laugh, yet you never found it annoying. It was like sneezing, when Jisung would laugh you would start to laugh as well. Once he finished laughing, he leaned his head on one of his hands, “anyways, do you have any plans for break?”

“I think I’m gonna stay here, I already told my parents I wanted to study for OWLs and not be distracted.” You paused when you saw students start to get up, signaling it was time for class. “Besides, our family wasn’t one for holidays so I would rather stay here and do something productive instead of just lay around for three weeks.”

Both of you stood up, following the students as they started meandering and finding their way towards their classes. Luckily you shared the first class with Jisung so you just followed him through the crowd, hand clutching a bundle of his robe so you didn't lose him.

The walk to class wasn’t long, and as you two sat down you both took out your books and quills, getting ready for another grueling day of mixing and hoping you don't blow that part of the castle off. Class hadn’t started yet but Jisung looked around at the other students, checking to make sure no one was listening in before leaning closer to you.

“I heard another student is also staying for break, some Hufflepuff.” Jisung said quietly, messing with the vials of liquids out in front of him.

“First of all,” You smacked his hand away from the ingredients for the day’s potion, “don’t fuck with the ingredients, you don't want to end up like that first-year.” Jisung pouted but let you continue, his hands now resting on his book. “Second of all, I’m focusing on my studying, hopefully they stay away and in their own space.”

You knew you sounded harsh, but you also knew that OWLs were the most important exams and you needed to pass them, though preferably not just pass but get high marks. Obviously if you ran into this Hufflepuff you would be polite, but ultimately that was your time to study. Besides, you didn't even know who this other person was. Maybe they were an asshole, then it would be infinitely easier to ignore them.

“I heard he was also a fifth-year. He.” Jisung emphasized it again, elbowing you into the side. “You guys could study together.” When he raised his eyebrows and wiggled in his seat you resorted to pushing Jisung over, laughing but also shooting him an evil eye. “You know when you do that look you just look like a puppy. Totally not intimidated at all.”

“I could push you over again.” You threatened, watching as more people started to file in before class started. “And I definitely do not want you to be my wingman again, I still have nightmares of last time.” Shuddering, you pushed the memory of the Yule Ball to the back of your head.

Jisung looked like he was going to combat your blow to his ability to wingman but before he could, Professor Slughorn strode through the door. All the students fell silent at his entrance, hands folded in front of their books, eyes scanning the liquids and cauldron in front of them.

As you listened to Slughorn drone on, picking up vials and mixing them into the cauldron, you felt a finger poke your elbow. Looking down you saw a piece of paper sitting between you and Jisung. When you looked up at him he was focusing on the front of the room but his mouth was quirked into a smirk that you knew meant that was a note from him. You grabbed it, opening it quickly and trying to read the messy scribbles from Jisung’s quill. When you finally did read it you shook your head, elbowing your best friend, crumbling the paper and putting it in your robe pocket.

“You never know what might happen ;)” - Your favorite wingman.

ii.

“I can’t believe we leave tomorrow.” Jisung’s cheek was pressed against the Herbology book, the page sticking to his skin. The steam from his hot chocolate floated into the air of the library. The pages beneath his face had some important text on whatever plant you were just learning about (if you're honest, you barely remember the name of the damn flower).

“You’ll be okay, Sung.” You reached across the table and patted his head. His hair was soft as always. When you first met him you were sure he used some sort of magic shampoo and conditioner or found a spell to make his hair that smooth but after being friends for 5 years you learned it was just ‘great genes’ as he had put it.

“It’s only for three weeks. Besides we can send each other letters.” Luna rested her hand over yours.

The three of you had been studying for nearly four hours. Having the day off was both a blessing and a curse, no classes but more time to cram studying in. The library was packed with students, all of the seats and window sills filled with bodies and books. Despite having so many students in one space it was quiet, no one wanting to upset the librarian fairies that flew through the bookcases and sought out anyone not following the rules.

“But it’s not the same.” Jisung drew out the last syllable. “I want to annoy you guys in real life not just letters.”

“Trust me you’ll find a way.” A chuckle escaped you when Jisung rolled his eyes, lifting his head and a pout prominent on his face. 

“I guess it’ll be okay.” He looked down at the textbook, fingers quickly skimming over the page before he looked up, an alarming smile on his face. “Oh! Speaking of break,” He leaned closer to you. “I know who is staying here with you.” Jisung winked at you and if you didn’t know that the fairies would kick you out of the library you would have reached around and smacked him in the back of the head.

There was a moment of silence as Jisung waited for you to ask him who it was, and you desperately tried to hold back. You set your mouth in a thin line and shook your head. Yet, your curiosity dug through your brain and got caught in your throat. You knew if you opened your mouth those words would slip through. 

So you did.

“Who is it?” You sighed, waiting for the answer. Truthfully, there wasn't anyone that you didn't want it to be but the answer still shocked you.

“Seo Changbin! The Herbology nerd.” Jisung nearly shouted, and it took you and Luna to tell him to quiet down.

You had known about Seo Changbin, seen him around the castle and in the library and although you didn’t know anything about him besides the fact that he was a Hufflepuff and really good with plants, you did know that he was damn cute.

“Ooh! He’s cute!” Luna squealed, mirroring your thoughts. She bounced in her seat and patted you on the arm. “You guys should study together!”

As much as you would like to entertain that idea, you knew you would have to focus on studying alone. Sure, you could study with Luna and Jisung but that was different, they knew what methods worked and what didn’t. Their humor fit yours and having someone else come in, someone incredibly attractive and cute, would be infinitely more distracting than Jisung’s dick jokes and Luna’s tangents.

“I would rather stay in the solitude of our Common Room.” You noticed the frowns on their faces, so you decided to entertain them and hopefully get them off your back. “But, you never know what could happen, maybe he could help me with my Herbology troubles.”

“You can’t study Herbology without us!” Jisung pouted again, looking down at the book and looking back up at you. You found his pouting funny so you nodded, chuckling when he firmly nodded his head back. “Good. Now let’s please get at least this chapter done before my brain melts.”

iii.

It wasn’t long until you were sitting with Jisung and Luna for the last breakfast before everyone left for break. It was eerily quiet in the whole room, but you didn’t mind it, instead you just ate in silence, enjoying the presence of your friends around you before you couldn’t see them for three weeks.

You smiled when students from other houses were allowed to sit together and you found Seungmin walking over from the Hufflepuff table. He took the empty seat next to Luna, but not before nearly tripping and spilling all his food over the dark blue tablecloths that represented your house.

“Careful dude, I am not sitting next to you if you reek like eggs.” Jisung said with a full mouth, a laugh nearly sending his breakfast flying.

“You’re telling me to be careful yet you're the one talking with a mouth full of food.” Seungmin’s eyebrows raised. Jisung looked like he was going to argue back but decided against it. As soft as Seungmin looked, he was not afraid to stand up for himself (or anyone else, for that matter.) 

“Both of you should be careful. If one of you spills on me and I have to take another shower I’m sending you a howler for Christmas.” You threatened, looking up at them through your lashes as you ate all you could.

Jisung stood up, arms raised in surrender and it took you yanking on his robe sleeve for him to sit down. “Okay,” He said a little too loudly, causing a few Slytherins to shoot you looks. “I surrender to you, your majesty.” You smacked his arm but laughed along with everyone else.

You stopped laughing before the rest of your friends did so you looked around at them, letting out a breath you didn’t know you had held onto. It was nice to laugh as loud as you wanted to and feel just that little bit of relief from stress before you were left alone to study until your brain turned to mush. 

For the past few weeks you had convinced yourself you would be okay alone and that was definitely true to some extent, you loved to be alone and be left to study or read or learn new spells that might come in handy. You had even taken to learning the hair drying spell McGonagall used and that cut getting ready in half. As much as you loved to be alone you knew that you would have to distract yourself somewhat to not think about your friends and how much you would be missing them.

If anything, you knew you could sneak into Hogsmeade or take a stroll up to the Astronomy Tower or the Owlery and send a letter to your friends but you knew that a part of you would still miss them.

Your thoughts were cut off by Jisung tapping you on the head, his face coming into view as you spaced out looking at one of the illuminated lanterns on the wall above the Gryffindor table.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N? Anyone in there?” When you looked down you realized your friends were all staring at you. Jisung’s finger was still tapping on your head and you shook him off.

“Of course I’m here, just thinking about my schedule of studying.” It wasn’t a lie, you had made a calendar of subjects you would study every day with breaks to spend in the Astronomy Tower to calm you down.

“You’re gonna miss us aren’t you?” Luna asked, chewing on the rest of her food before snapping and watching as it disappeared to the dishwasher. She was always the straightforward one of the group, and that was saying something because mister honesty sat directly next to you.

“I’m definitely going to miss you Luna.” You nodded then gestured towards Seungmin and Jisung. “These two, though, I’m glad I’m gonna get some peace and quiet.”

“Hey!” They both said simultaneously.

“You know I’m kidding. Of course I'll miss you all like fucking crazy but like you said, we can send letters and I am happy I get extra time to study for OWLs.” You knew it was stupid to lie to them so you told the truth.

Everyone nodded before they went back to eating. It didn’t take long before everyone was finished, your plates gone and bellies full. After a long speech by the Headmaster students started getting up, some saying bye to friends and leaving and others just sitting and waiting for their ride to arrive.

“So,” Seungmin leaned forward on his elbows. “I heard that Changbin was also staying behind. He’s a sweet guy, always studying as well. He’s a few doors down from mine in the dorm and I hear him singing all the time. He’s damn good.” Jisung and Luna chuckled, wiggling their eyebrows at you.

“He sounds like a cool dude, maybe we could be friends after OWLs.” You held up your book. There was a moment of silence and you spoke up again. Before you could stop yourself your curiosity got the better of you. “Do you know why he’s staying back?” 

“No idea, sorry.” Seungmin said. He looked up front before jumping up and grabbing his suitcase in a haste. “Oh shit my ride is here, I gotta go. Bye guys, have fun!”

You three said your goodbyes to the back of Seungmin’s head, watching his yellow scarf fly in the wind as he squeezed past everyone, muttering “excuse me”s and “sorry”s to anyone he bumped into. As soon as he was gone you turned back to Luna and Jisung, eyeing them as they skimmed through their books. Everyone was cramming before leaving for home, having three weeks at home without the pressure of studying was a godsend to most but some preferred taking their books with them to study while at home.

Although they were Ravenclaws, Jisung and Luna definitely did not share that sentiment. They much preferred to abandon all notion of studying in favor of taking a break. “Studying is important but there was only so much you can do before your brain explodes.” Professor Flitwick had said one day when he met with all of your house.

“So,” Jisung started and you held your breath, knowing something was coming. “Just friends?” He smirked and before you could shoot him down he continued. “All I’m saying is learning and studying is important, I wouldn’t be a Ravenclaw if I didn’t think so, but it’s also important to have a little fun here and there. You’ll have a lot of time and I know you’re not just going to spend it studying or in the Astronomy Tower.”

Shooting him a look you shrugged, he was right and you knew it but you would be dipped in Hell before admitting it to the boy in front of you. There would definitely be a lot of down time considering it was just you in the whole castle (and Changbin but you chose to ignore that thought). 

“Chill out horndog.” Jisung chuckled at your attempt at an insult, patting you on the head. “If I did hang out with Changbin it definitely would be as just friends, no matter how cute he is.”

Jisung’s face moved and his mouth twisted, him mouthing a ‘I can't hear you’ which you knew wasn't true, Jisung acted like he wasn’t listening but his ears were as good as an owl’s. He heard anything and everything in a mile radius and could repeat it back to anyone in a heartbeat. So you were sure he heard you.

“Oh look!” Jisung jumped up, picking up his suitcase and cage with his owl Albert before looking back. “My ride’s here, hope you have fun with Mr. Dreamy Puff, you better spill all the juice when I get back.” 

“There will be no juice to spill but sure, whatever helps you sleep at night. Have fun!” You yelled after Jisung. He waved behind him, body weaving through everyone and you swore you saw him almost take out a group of first-years on his way to the front of the castle.

“He’s gonna bowl someone over one day.” Luna shook her head, looking back to you. There was a quick silence before she spoke again “I’m not gonna pester you about Changbin, just remember to have fun as well as study. You have the castle pretty much all to yourself, enjoy it.” 

You nodded, thankful you had Luna to not drive you completely insane like the two boys. After her statement you two sat in silence, occasionally chatting about Herbology or the latest Potions mishap. Around you students hurried to the front, the occasional pile up happening when a student tripped or knocked someone over.

Eventually you looked up from your book, foregoing studying for the moment and instead enjoying the noise and presence of everyone in the room. As time went on students filed out, the big suitcases and cages full of animals that lined the walls slowly dissipating until only a handful were left.

“My ride is here.” Luna quickly packed her book in her suitcase, zipping everything up and standing.

You pulled her into a hug, smelling the peppermint shampoo that changed scents based on the season (it was her favorite buy from Hogsmeade). The smell was pungent, like drinking butterbeer after chewing gum, but it was a smell that you knew you would miss. 

“Relax a little, okay? Don’t stress about OWLs until after you get back.” You joked with her, knowing she would have fun with her unconventional family.

“I could say the same for you.” Luna tightened her scarf around her neck, the tip of her nose already red from the cold air bellowing in from the doors. “I’ll send letters, Scarlett has no problem flying to the castle.” Her owl stirred in its cage, the white feathers standing out against the bronze bars.

“Of course, I’ll send letters too, though it’ll probably just be me ranting about how many potions we have to memorize and me worrying I'll burn my eyebrows off doing it wrong.” You both laughed. “Now go! I don’t want you to miss the ride to the train.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going!” Luna darted away, screaming a final, “goodbye!” before disappearing into the white snow.

“Bye!” You shouted even though you knew she couldn’t hear you.

There were only three other students in the Great Hall waiting for the last train home. The high windows cast a shadow on your side of the room, the sun going down and the light bending. You weren’t sure if Changbin was there, there were two boys sitting at the Hufflepuff table yet having not seen the Changbin’s face, you had no indication that he was anywhere to be seen.

It wasn’t like you were looking for him or anything.

After looking up and down the table you noticed you were the only Ravenclaw left, even the seventh-year prefect Woojin was gone, having been one of the last ones to leave and help the first-years to the train. It all looked so empty sitting there, so you decided to call it a night and start the three week break in the morning.

You didn’t bother looking at anyone as you walked past, fingers playing with the pages in your Charms book as you made your way to the Ravenclaw Common Room. 

Once you were inside, having solved the riddle lock many times before and answering immediately, you looked around and sighed. You decided not to think about how empty it was, instead focusing on walking up the stairs to your room. Although your bed was soft, you looked over and saw Luna’s empty one, a small pang echoing in your chest.

“I just need some sleep.” You muttered to no one but yourself. “I’ll feel better in the morning.” Turning over, you faced the window. The snow cascaded down so hard it almost looked like rain. It was calming, along with the mix of cold and warm from the fireplace in the Common Room.

You knew the first night alone would be hard but the particular lack of a human presence anywhere near you was the most difficult thing. At night if you couldn't sleep you would find yourself talking out loud and eventually Luna would respond to you. That time, however, she wasn’t there to respond.

The first night is the worst, you thought to yourself, twisting under the comforter and trying to find a comfortable position. Just get through the first night and you’ll be okay.

Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes, reviewing different charms and spells that you had learned through the week. It was a nice distraction, and you felt yourself drift off with the sound of the wind in the background.

iv.

The start of the third day you woke up with a massive headache.

The previous two days had been spent in the Common Room, a big blue and bronze quilt draped over your figure as you stayed curled up on one of the large couches. The fireplace remained warm and inviting and you found yourself content in reading about Transfiguration and the history of magic for the first two days.

Starting the third day with a pain almost as bad as hearing the screaming of a Mandrake was definitely not how you wanted it to start, but there you were.

“Oh, fuck.” Your hand stayed on your head as you sat up, temples thumping with a rush of blood. The light from your lamp burned as you opened your eyes, forcing you to squint. 

It’s not like you hadn’t gotten enough sleep, in fact, one could argue you got too much. There were often times you sat in the large chair, book in your lap, that you found yourself dozing off, time disappearing into dust in an hourglass. You were only focused on the words in front of you and the sense of dusk outside that forced you to trudge up the stairs and finally sleep in your bed.

The rumbling of your stomach made you stand up, slipping into your robe and fixing your bed head. The time on the clock indicating it was breakfast time so you slowly trudged down towards the Great Hall, the paintings whispering as you walked by. 

As soon as you walked through the large open doors you stopped in your tracks. The Great Hall had transformed. In the middle of the room was the giant Christmas tree, lights twinkling like stars and bulbs filled with full snow scenes glittering across the branches. At the very top stood a fairy, twirling on her toe like a ballerina.

On the edge of the room right next to the fireplaces were small tables, sets of chairs set up for anyone to rest in. All of the chairs were empty except one.

Seo Changbin. 

His back was to the door, not noticing you walked in. Wanting to stay out of his eyesight, you quickly shuffled to a table as far away as possible, wincing when you pulled the chair out and a loud noise echoed through the large room. When Changbin didn’t look back you let out a breath of relief.

Your plate appeared in front of you, with all the food the castle had to offer for breakfast. Again your stomach reminded you of exactly what you came there for. You ate in silence, the past two days of living on a small dinner you would sneak down to the Great Hall to get and the few snacks you hadn’t eaten from your last outing at Hogsmeade.

As you ate your eyes wandered, settling on the only other person in the room, and you were surprised to find his eyes staring back at you. Immediately you lowered your head, playing with the egg on your plate. All the food was nearly gone and after not eating much you found your stomach was definitely full.

You were about to wave your wand to send your plate to the dishwashers when the feeling you were being watched washed over you. Pausing, you assessed your options. You took the easy way out, looking up and coming face to face with none other than Seo Changbin.

You never had enough time to actually look at him, only recognizing his name from first-year when you were sorted into your houses and being called in some classes. Now that he was standing in front of you, you noticed how handsome he was.

He had two yellow and black scarves wrapped tightly around his neck, his robe held close to his body. His cheeks and nose were a soft rosy color, as if he had fallen asleep face first on a pillow. Dark hair framed his face, red highlights reflecting in the light of the candles. His eyes were bright despite their dark color, lips curled into a slight smile and you felt a warmth different from the warmth of the candles in the room.

“Hi.” His voice was light, barely leaving his lips in a wisp of condensation from his hot breath.

“Hi.” You responded, a smile making its way onto your face.

There was a moment of silence and you realized that Changbin’s hands were resting on the back of the chair in front of you, the sound of his nails tapping onto the wood the only noise. It echoed through the room loudly. Or you just thought it was loud, the silence heightening everything around you.

“Can I sit here?” Changbin asked, pointing to the chair across from you. When you nodded Changbin smiled wider, slowly pulling out his chair and sitting down. As opposed to almost all other Hufflepuffs you’ve known, he stayed silent upon looking back up at you. Normally you would feel uncomfortable under someone’s stare, but you found yourself entranced with the way his eyes shone in the candlelight.

“So,” you broke the silence, “I see you’re also staying here for break.” Great, just the state the obvious. You thought to yourself. Looking down you noticed your plate still there, quickly taking out your wand from your robe and mumbling the spell, watching as it disappeared from in front of you.

“Yea, yea I am.” Changbin paused for a moment, softly hitting his temple with his fist. “Oh shit, I forgot to introduce myself, you probably think I’m weird. My name’s Seo Changbin, Hufflepuff, fifth-year.” He stuck out his hand and you chuckled at his adorable expression, like he was mentally hitting himself.

“I’m Y/N, Ravenclaw, fifth-year as well.” You reached out, his hand was warm and fit well in your own. The handshake was done way too fast, you noticed, trying not to let a pout show itself. 

It was then that you realize you had quite literally rolled out of bed earlier, rubbing a hand over your face and smoothing down your hair with your other. “I just woke up, I probably look so bad right now.” You laughed.

“I think you look cute.” Changbin mumbled, shrugging his head and looking down at his hands. Before you could reply - quite possibly with a you too - he looked back up at you. “I just woke up as well, I was up all last night studying for OWLs and I was so hungry I figured I should probably have breakfast.” 

“Are you nervous for the exams?” You were intrigued about whether or not everyone else was as scared about OWLs as you and your friends were. Just from the tidbits Jisung heard around the castle, Gryffindors were leisurely studying, Slytherins were nowhere to be seen in the library, probably studying in their Common Room, and most Hufflepuffs were in their own little study groups, determined on studying almost as much as Ravenclaws were.

“I definitely am. I think most of us are, we all have one or two subjects we are the most scared for.” You nodded along to his words, watching the way his fingers tapped on the table. 

“What subjects are the hardest for you?” You asked.

“Charms for sure. This dumb thing,” he pulled out his wand from his robe, “refuses to listen to me sometimes.”

His wand was very pretty, you noted. Dark wood with specs of gold glittered throughout it. A lighter brown wood flashed from beneath his fingers and you saw a soft glow from the tip as he waved it around. When he put it back in his robe you trailed your eyes back up to his face, a lopsided grin stuck on it.

“How about you? Surely you don’t have anything you’re too worried about, you’re top of our class.” Changbin leaned forward, shoulders no longer slouched in an uncomfortable position. It surprised you that he knew who you were, yet a smile involuntary made its way onto your face. 

You shrugged, not wanting to admit that your worst subject was one that his house should be the best at. “I’m not top of the class.” When Changbin raised his eyebrows you chuckled. “Okay, okay, top five, but I’m not first!”  He raised his hands up in defeat, a louder laugh echoing from the both of you. From the top of the Christmas tree the fairy chuckled as well.

“You’re avoiding my question.” Changbin smirked, crossing his arms in a playful manner.

“You’re really observant.” At this point you weren’t avoiding his question because of embarrassment, it was actually quite fun to mess around with someone other than Jisung. 

“You do know I’m a Hufflepuff? There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you off the hook.” 

You sighed dramatically, throwing yourself onto the table and smiling at the table upon hearing Changbin’s laugh. Actually, it was more of a giggle than a laugh. But either way it was really cute and you were sure you wanted to hear it more often.

“Herbology.” You mumbled into the table. When a sound of confusion came from the boy across from you, you spoke up. “Herbology!”

There was silence, and when you looked up you almost had the wind knocked out of you. Changbin was smiling, an extremely big smile that made his eyes disappear and his nose scrunch up. You’re friends had told you he was cute but he blew past that statement. He was more than just cute, he was like ultra cute with a big side of extremely handsome.

You were too busy admiring Changbin that you missed what he said, your face heating up when you had to ask. “What?”

“I said,” He chuckled again, arms unfolding and resting back onto the table. “I’m quite good at Herbology, one of the top in the class, in fact.” Although he said that, it wasn’t in a bragging tone, more of a proud hint to his voice. “I can help you if you want?”

The reminder of the loneliness you would be going back to if you said no creeped into your mind. Paired with a small warmth that spread through you when Changbin smiled prompted you to nod. 

“Sure. I definitely need it.” You chuckled, completely forgetting about the deal you made with Jisung. 

Above you the fairy on the Christmas tree squealed. “Ah, young love!” She screamed, her shrill voice echoing through the large room and piercing your ears. As she said that you're whole body felt warm, but not the warmth that previously came and went. Looking at Changbin you found his face turned towards the floor, his cheeks dusted once again with pink and the corners of his lips pulled into a small smile.

“So what were you planning on doing today?” Changbin asked, the tint in his cheeks slowly fading. Perhaps you were letting your loneliness guide you, but you found yourself drawn into Changbin and his soft smile and pretty laugh. That or you had been slipped a love potion in your breakfast. Or Changbin was just that alluring. 

It was probably the last one.

“Just studying.” You shrugged, not having anything special except digging your face in a book. “That’s why I stayed here for break. That and the fact that all my relatives in one house together isn’t the best thing to go home to.” 

“I get it, family is complicated.” Changbin nodded. “Do you wanna maybe study together? You know that saying, two heads are better than one.”

“Yea, I think that would be leagues better than staying cooped up in my Common Room. I can only take so many taunts from the paintings outside for not coming out all day.” You rolled your eyes, reminded of the annoying voices that were seemingly like a loudspeaker in the Common Room. How their voices carried through the walls like that, you had no clue, but you wished that they had built the castle more soundproof.

“Oh don’t remind me.” Changbin groaned. “I get a lot of shit from our paintings as well. So annoying.”

“So do you want to go to the library?” You asked, getting up from your spot at the table. “Oh wait, I need to stop by my Common Room to get my scarf, it’s only going to get colder as the day goes on.” There were plenty of books in the library to study from, not needing your assigned textbooks just yet. You definitely didn’t, however, want to die from hypothermia. 

Changbin stood up as well, hand tousling the messy hair at the back of his head. “Do you wanna use my extra scarf?” His other hand played with the edges of the extra fabric around his neck. “I mean, as long as you don’t mind wearing another house’s colors.”

“Oh,” You said, surprised. “I don’t mind, but won’t you be cold?”

“I’ll be fine, it’s actually kinda hot in here so I was going to take it off anyways.” Changbin’s face was flushed, teeth pulling at his bottom lip. 

“Okay then, thank you.” You smiled, watching him quickly unravel the yellow fabric and hold it out for you. When you grabbed it you noticed how warm it was, like it had been sitting in front of a heater for an hour. You didn’t mind though, wrapping it around your neck and nearly nuzzling into it. There was a delicate smell to it, like laundry soap that had just started to fade and you wondered if this is how Changbin smelled in general.

Stop it, you thought to yourself, just friends. Focus on OWLs. Your fingers played with the edge of the scarf. It was then that you noticed Changbin staring at you, waiting for you to do something, and you realized you had just been standing there playing with the loose strings of the accessory. 

“So,” You flipped the scarf over your shoulder, striking an overdramatic pose. “How do I look?” The warmth came back when Changbin laughed, and you fought to smother it into ashes.

“Hm, I think you look fabulous, a natural Hufflepuff.” You smacked his shoulder. “Hey! That was the highest compliment I could have given you.” Loud laughter echoed through the Great Hall again, and you were sure the unicorns and other animals in the Forbidden Forest could have heard it from over there.

“Okay let’s go before you think up any other ‘compliments’ for me.” You gestured towards the library. It was only two floors up so luckily it wasn’t that far of a walk, but you still wanted to get it over with so you could relax in the soft chairs up above.

“You say that like I don’t already have a whole catalogue loaded into my brain.” Changbin turned towards the big doors, looking up in the general direction of the library. “I’ll race you?”

Upon hearing that you got into what you could only assume was a good enough stance for getting ready to run. “Okay.” You said, crouching down even more and looking towards your right at Changbin. “1, 2, 3, go!”

With that, you took off, laughing at the faded yelling of Changbin following behind you. Everything turned into a blur, yellow streaks from your (Changbin’s) scarf and the words being screamed at you from the paintings quickly passing by faded until you didn’t care about anything. It was freeing, being able to run through the halls and not worry about losing points (though you did think about the paintings ratting you out to the professors when they came back).

As soon as you had passed through the door to the library you stopped in your tracks, hands resting on your knees and breath coming out in small gasps. It wasn’t everyday you ran as fast as you did, in fact, the last time you did run that fast you were being chased by a small troll through the Forbidden Forest.

You took your time walking to one of the plush chairs surrounding a huge table, plopping down on it unceremoniously. Yeah, you had won the race, but had you really won the race? 

Within a few seconds of sitting down Changbin came bounding through the door frame, chest pumping with every labored breath he took. He followed the same path as you, starting with his hands on his knees and then slowly shuffling towards a chair. Unlike you, he nearly collapsed before reaching the chair, fortunately he barely made it, a loud thud echoing through the library when he fell into it.

“Holy,” He took a breath and let it out, “shit.” Changbin laid back in the chair, hands clasped in front of his stomach. “You’re so,” Another breath, “fucking fast.”

“I knew a shortcut.” You tried to laugh but all that came out was a puff of air, lungs still working overtime to provide you oxygen.

“Damn Ravenclaws.” Changbin mumbled, his breath still escaping in short puffs.

You both took a few minutes to calm down, your backs resting comfortably on the plush cushions. You felt your breath even out, a small bead of sweat falling from your hairline. The smell of old books filled your nostrils, small fibers from the scarf coming up to tickle your nose. Although you had just run until you felt like your lungs would pop, you felt relaxed.

Snow fell softly outside, cascading past the windows of the library and making everything feel like a winter wonderland even from the comfort of the heat filled castle. There was a sense of urgency to study, what with so little time until OWLs, yet as you sat there, you also felt comfort wash over you. You still had a month and a half, there was time.

“We should start studying now.” Changbin said, his voice still holding an airiness to it. Despite him saying that, neither of you moved, feet staying planted on the plush carpet. Neither of you bothered to even sit up, backs being scrunched up slightly from slouching.

A few more minutes passed by, your fingers stroking the soft chair and head turned to watch the snow falling outside. You desperately wanted to grab a thick coat and just lie in the snow for a few hours. Or a few days. Or a few weeks. However long it took for your mind to stop worrying about OWLs.

“Penny for your thoughts?” His soft voice pierced the silence, and you tore your eyes away from the winter wonderland outside to look at Changbin. His hair was cut perfectly, some strands wavy and messy while others completely straight. His eyes were completely calm, just observing you and you felt more exposed than if you were just given a truth serum.

“Just thinking about the snow and OWLs.” You rested your cheek on your shoulder (well, the thick yellow scarf covering your shoulder) eyes closing for a moment of peace before opening them to Changbin’s gaze again. “You know, stressing about exams is my secret talent.” You continued, a near silent chuckle escaping you.

“You don’t have anything to worry about, you’re one of the smartest people in the castle, but a little extra studying won’t hurt.” Changbin sat up, a loud huff accompanied by a puff of air following his statement.

“Fine, fine.” You sat up as well, tightening Changbin’s scarf around your neck. There was a slight scent of pine needles and cinnamon, an unlikely combination but it made you immediately relax. “But don’t blame me if I start dozing off, your scarf is way more comfortable than any of mine.”

“If you want, you can keep it, I have Hufflepuff friends that took up knitting and can make me however many I want.” Changbin smiled and you declined to retort with, well they won’t smell like you. 

“I’ll think about it.” You looked around at the rows of books, debating silently what subject to start first. Of course, the logical thing would be to start on what you were the worst at, but sometimes you decided to ignore those thoughts in favor of working up to the worst. “So where should we start? History of magic?”

With Changbin’s nod you both set out a plan of gathering books, spreading them on the table and skimming through each one. Occasionally you would quiz one another, loud laughter erupting in the normally quiet space when one of you would mumble a funny answer to one of the questions. 

That continued until the sky started turning orange outside the windows, a deeper sense of fatigue settling over the both of you and reminding you both that sleep was an important part of studying. It was then that you both rose from your seats, uttering a soft goodbye with a warm handshake as you both went your separate ways to your Common Rooms.

It was also that night that you realized you hadn’t taken his scarf off.

v.

This pattern of eating breakfast in peace at the same table and racing to the library to study all day went on for a few more days until one morning you approached your normal table, plates of food already laid out. Changbin was already sat down, stuffing his cheeks with everything he could fit in there. 

“Are you okay?” You asked, sitting down in front of him and starting to eat. You noticed it was everything you always put on your plate, and your face heated up at the thought of Changbin paying that close of attention on you. Luckily you could hide any hint of the heat rising with the scarf - Changbin’s scarf - wrapped around your neck.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” His cheeks were still stuffed with food, words coming out slightly jumbled. “I figured today could be the day we get some good old hands-on practice!”

“Okay, I’m both confused and worried at the same time.” You started eating, the warmth from the food spreading through your body and instantly brightening you up from the bone chilling cold night before. 

You both ate in silence, Changbin finishing before you and spending his extra time looking at the Christmas tree. He had a small smile on his face, the lights from the ornaments dancing across his features. With the soft light from the tree illuminating you both, you sat staring at Changbin, who was quite literally glowing.

“Okay so what are we doing today?” You asked, sending your plate away once you had finished eating.

A sly grin made its way onto Changbin’s face and he leaned forward, hand resting underneath his chin. “It’s a surprise.”

“Oh, great. I love surprises.” You said sarcastically, yet a smile still popped up. As much as you tried to act upset or annoyed at not knowing, you couldn’t stop the warmth that filled you at having Changbin’s smile, albeit mischievous, directed at you.

Changbin stood up, extending his hand towards you. Confused, you stood up as well, putting your hand into his and feeling the warmth heat up when he interlaced your fingers. “Close your eyes.” The last thing you saw before darkness washed over you was the slight tint of pink on Changbin’s cheeks and the tilt of his lips up in a now genuine smile.

You inched forward slowly, Changbin’s hand firmly secured in your own so you didn’t accidentally walk into a wall or something. “Just trust me.” Changbin’s voice came from directly next to you and he squeezed your hand softly. You chose not to reply, just squeezing his hand back and waiting as he started picking up the pace.

When you finally started walking normally you focused your other senses, listening to the pictures mumble things about people in the castle over break, to which Changbin firmly shushed them. His hand was warm, palm moist with a thin layer of sweat. Whether it was from your hand in his or the warmth of the fireplaces providing heat you didn’t know. 

From what you knew of the placement of the paintings, you were headed in the opposite direction of the library. As you already guessed, you knew that you weren’t going there, yet the curiosity still ate you up inside. 

All of a sudden Changbin stopped and you almost ran into him, a sound of surprise coming from your lips. The feeling of his eyes on you even though you couldn’t see him made you impatient. You tapped your shoe on the ground, trying to fill the silence with some sort of noise. 

“Okay you can open your eyes.” Changbin said, slowly disconnecting your hands and you had to fight to keep the frown off your face.

Opening your eyes you found you were stood in front of the door to the Herbology room, the full glass wall showing the rows and rows of plants all laid out. The thought of actually handling them while the professor wasn’t there was worrying, and you looked towards a smiling Changbin with raised eyebrows.

“So we’re going to be messing with the plants? Without the professor?” Your voice raised slightly in worry.

“Well, yeah. Why else would I bring you here?” The smile on Changbin’s face comforted you, yet you still had the thought of not being allowed in there. “I know what you’re thinking,” Changbin continued on when he noticed you not answering, “Professor Longbottom asked me to stay behind during break to tend to the plants. You could say I have a green thumb.” He gave a thumbs up and you chuckled.

“So I’m not gonna die of a mandrake’s scream or anything?” Changbin chuckled at your question. 

“Just trust me.” He said, opening up the door and gesturing for you to walk in. “I wouldn’t let you die, there’s no one else to pin it on if you do.” 

“Ha ha,” you faked a laugh, walking into the Herbology room. It was a completely glass room, and you could see the thick snow blanket on the ground outside. You had to admit it was a very beautiful sight, and you stood in awe. The rainbow of plants contrasting with the pitch white outside was picture perfect.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Changbin came up behind you, walking down to the opposite end of the room. From there, he picked up two pots, each with similar looking leaves and shapes. You were still mesmerized by the picturesque background to focus on anything that was happening in the warm room. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Changbin asked, much closer. He was still holding the two pots of plants.

“It’s just, so beautiful.” You had seen snow plenty of times before, being at Hogwarts for five years and being there for the slow building cold months, but nothing compared to the sight you saw. The inches of snow coating the ground made everything look bright, even the dark leaves on the trees at the edge of the forest were stark white. It was like a winter wonderland you would only see on TV.

“Yea it is.” Changbin sat the pots down, turning around and leaning on the table. He faced the outside, a soft smile on his face as he watched the slow cascading of the snow. “I’ve been staying here for the past two years to take care of the plants and I’ll never get tired of how gorgeous this view is.” 

When you tore your eyes away from the outside you looked towards Changbin, your face becoming hot upon noticing he was staring at you. You smiled at him, turning around towards the plants on the table. “So what are these?” You asked. You recognized the colors and leaf shapes but you doubted you could dig deep in your brain to remember what their names and purposes were.

“Well,” Changbin turned around, gesturing to the plant on the left. “This one is wormwood. We’ve used it before in Potions class. It’s most commonly used for healing potions, but putting too much could result in extreme effects including death. Kinda ironic.”

You nodded along, watching the way Changbin softly petted the plant. It was almost as if he was communicating with them. His touch was gentle, the same sort of gentle as when he held your hand while leading you to the classroom.

“This one is very similar, both in looks and use. This is dittany.” He pointed to the other plant to his right. “It’s used for healing but doesn’t need to be mixed into a potion, just one leaf could heal a skin wound.” 

You again nodded at what he was saying, trying to distinguish between the two. It became easier as you observed them up close, closer than the professor would let anyone in class. Everything started clicking together and as you listened to Changbin go on and on about each and every plant in the room (besides the mandrakes, you already knew plenty from the extensive lesson in second-year) you started understanding just how to tell the difference between each and every plant. For so long you despised walking into Herbology class but the way Changbin described it made it seem so simple and even a little bit fun.

As he went on you helped him tend to the plants, listening to him naming and describing each one along the way. The way his eyes would light up upon looking at each different pot as he walked along made a smile appear on your face. He was so engulfed in talking that he didn’t notice you stop at the end of a row, watching as he was oblivious to everything happening around him.

When he finally noticed you weren't behind him he had reached the opposite end of the row, turning around and seeing you standing so far away at the other end of the room. He had stopped talking, fingers tapping on the wood table in front of him. His lip was pulled between his teeth, a hint of rose on his cheeks.

“Sorry, I get carried away with talking about the plants.” He shrugged, looking back up at you. 

“No it’s okay.” It was your turn to get embarrassed, even though moments ago you had kind of, not really, been staring at him unabashedly. “I’m learning so much better than if I was stuck in front of a textbook all day. Besides,” You started walking up the row slowly, recalling all the plant’s names in your head. You could remember some of them, and you thought that even a little progress was progress nonetheless. “I love listening to people talk about what they’re passionate about.”

“What are you passionate about?” Changbin asked.

You thought for a moment, your feet stopping in front of a lily flower. “Learning.” You started, “I’ve also really loved astronomy since I was a kid. It’s one of my best subjects.” 

“I’m not that great with astronomy. They’re so far away that I just end up not caring too much but the stars are pretty to look at.”

“I can help you with it one day if you want?” You asked as you started to walk forward again. Outside a strong wind whistled through the trees but you paid no mind, focusing instead on the pricks of the leaves of each plant you passed by. You made sure not to touch the poisonous ones, Changbin was a plant expert but he couldn’t stop the effects of any of the deadly plants.

There was silence as Changbin nodded, turning around to load the mister with water for the plants. By the time you made your way up to him he had finished, facing you again with the same pink cheeks and smile on his face. You pushed down the thought of leaning forward just a bit more, and instead pulled back, one of your hands going to stroke the leaves of a dittany plant. The room was a mix of scents, though the unmistaken rush of cinnamon from the scarf around your neck flushed everything else out. 

“I, uh, I think that's enough for the day.” Changbin was the first to break the silence, one hand playing with his sleeve while the other tapped on the table in front of him. “Those are all the ones Professor Longbottom said would be on the test, but don’t tell him I told you.”

“There’s no paintings in here to eavesdrop and rat us out so your secret’s safe with me.” You made a lock gesture over your mouth, lightly tossing the imaginary key over your shoulder. 

“Hm.” He put his hand on his chin, stroking an imaginary beard. “Okay, I guess I can trust you.”

“Well you've already told me so you’ve got no choice.” You laughed, noticing the sun starting to set outside. Long shadows made the glass room you were in seem much more eerie. “So, should we get going back to our rooms? It’s getting dark.”

Changbin leaned forward, the same damned smirk on his face and you didn’t know whether you wanted to slap it off or kiss it off. “Are you scared? I can protect you.” He raised his right arm, flexing it but with his thick robe in the way you couldn’t see any hint of muscle.

“If anyone is gonna need protecting it’s you,” You jabbed at his arm, laughing when he feigned hurt. “I’m the stronger one here.” You mimicked Changbin, holding up your right arm and flexing.

“Remind me never to meet you in an alley, I’m afraid I’ll get my ass beat.” Changbin held up his hands in defeat, eyebrows raised and a loud laugh coming from his mouth. When he lowered his arms his smile lowered as well. “It’s getting really dark though, do you want me to walk you back to your Common Room?” 

You were going to decline, but then you remembered what you said only moments ago. Perhaps tonight was the best night to help him in return. “Actually, I have a surprise for you.”

Another strong wind from outside rustled the branches of the trees. The sun had almost completely set, and you knew that was the perfect opportunity to go somewhere you had been missing out on since everyone left for break. 

“Oh? Okay, where are we going?” Changbin asked.

“It’s a surprise.” You smirked, leaning forward and grabbing his hand as he did to you earlier in the day. “Close your eyes.” 

You waited for Changbin to close his eyes, not before giving you a very suspicious look to which you raised your eyebrows. Once he did, you interlaced your fingers with his, taking notice on how sweaty they were. Deciding not to torture him too much, you started walking, taking special care not to bump him into any walls or anything. 

“You better not be leading me to the pools to push me in.” Changbin threatened from behind you, the hand that wasn’t grasped in yours covering his eyes. 

“I’m not that cruel.” You chuckled, almost wincing at how tight he was holding your hand. On the surface you could see no nervousness, but with the way his fingers twitched and the small scrunch of his nose you knew he was hesitant. “Just trust me, I trusted you right?” When Changbin made a small noise of agreement you continued. “Exactly, you’ll be fine.” 

A silence filled the castle as you continued walking, knowing it was only a few more minutes before you made it to your destination. A deep rumble came from behind you and before you could ask any questions the familiar notes of a Christmas song came flowing around you. You decided not to say anything, enjoying the soft sound of Changbin’s voice behind you drowning out the murmurs of the paintings you passed. 

By the time you got to the tower Changbin was humming the end of the Christmas song, his thumb tapping the rhythm into your hand. It was quite comforting to have his voice fill the silence, bouncing off the walls and seemingly echoing through the whole castle.

“Okay.” You stopped in front of the doors, giggling at how Changbin almost ran into you. “You can open your eyes now.” 

Changbin took his hand off his face, eyes opening and immediately finding yours before searching around. His mouth dropped open when he saw the intricate carvings on the door in front of you.

“As payment for you helping me with Herbology I decided to help you with Astronomy.” You released his hand, a cold air rushing in and reminding you how empty it was.

“Aren’t we gonna get in trouble if we’re in there?” Changbin asked, the hand that was previously in yours fall to his side, palm slowly rubbing on his robe.

“Professor Sinistra lets me up here all the time.” You proceeded forward, holding open the door and waiting for him to follow. “I go up here at least twice a week, you’ll be fine, I promise.” 

Changbin didn’t say anything as he followed, the only sounds being your feet on the steps going up to the top of the tower. You had climbed these steps hundreds of times before but it never really got easier, you found. It was extremely tall, the tallest thing in the castle, and your legs always felt like jelly by the time you made it to the top. 

That time, as well, your legs wobbled when you finally reached the top, but a hand rested lightly on your back, steadying you and preventing you from falling. “Careful.” Changbin’s voice was very close behind you, his fingertips just barely pressing into your spine. “I thought you said you had been up here many times before.” 

“I guarantee your legs would never get used to walking up these stairs either.” You shot him a side eye, walking over to the far end of the room and sitting down. “Come on.” You patted the spot next to you. You didn’t see Changbin come to sit next to you but you felt his presence move and eventually settle beside you. 

“It’s so beautiful.” Changbin followed your eyes to the ceiling. Night had settled in and with the darkness of the forest around the castle it only amplified the bright show above your heads. You made a noise of agreement, your shoulder brushing up against Changbin’s. 

“So, test time.” Changbin groaned at your statement and you rolled your eyes, resting back on your hands as you continued to search the sky for the perfect question. “Where is Capella?”

Once you found it yourself, you looked over at Changbin, chuckling at the absolutely clueless look on his face. The light from the stars lit up his features, his pouted lips, scrunched up nose and quick flickering eyes all shone with a glittering shimmer. 

“Don’t laugh at me!” Changbin’s pout extended further when he heard your laugh, “How do you find them? They all look the same.” 

You tried to not laugh anymore, but the way his lip jutted out and the loud sigh that escaped him was too cute, so you chuckled again. “You have to put it in perspective of Polaris, the North Star.”

“There,” You pointed up towards the bright star directly above you both, “is Polaris. So Capella is due east of Polaris and it’s also one of the brightest stars. We learned about this in second year. There it is.” You found the constellation it was in and pointed, looking over at Changbin and finding him squinting in the general direction of where your finger was. 

“Which one?” Changbin asked, still squinting towards the stars. 

You sat up, leaning over and grabbing one of Changbin’s arms. Time seemed to slow down as your fingers danced up his arm, pushing his fingers down until only his index finger was up. You guided his hand until he was pointing at the star in question, but you didn’t let go of him.

“There it is.” You didn’t feel the need to raise your voice so you softly spoke into the air around you. “There’s Capella.” 

When you finally let go of his hand you turned to him, a near silent gasp escaping you when you realized just how close you were. Your noses were almost touching and you felt both the warmth from his breath and from his body heat. There was also a familiar warmth that started at your face and spread through your whole body. You were almost tempted to take off your - Changbin’s - scarf but you decided against it, knowing the cold would creep in quickly.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Changbin had lowered his hand and it was resting in his lap. The fog from his breath lingered in the air before floating up towards the stars.

You tried to think of something to tell him other than the overwhelming warmth that undoubtedly came from being under his gaze, or the fact that you were only mere inches away from kissing him. It was something you never really entertained the idea of, dating. Sure, there were cute guys and girls at the school but you knew studying was way more important. 

But spending the past few days with Changbin, laughing and studying and having quite possibly the best time in a while with him, all you thought about was spending whatever time you could with him. Perhaps it was the loneliness or perhaps it was actually Changbin, you weren’t sure but you were more than happy to spend the rest of the break with him. 

“Uh,” You stuttered, moving away from him and looking down at your hands. Your face burned and when you looked back up at Changbin you saw his cheeks were a bright crimson. “Just really happy that I have someone to spend the break with. I can imagine how lonely it must be to be the only person in the castle.”

“Yeah,” Changbin looked down at his hands in his lap. “I love taking care of the plants but the past two years have been kinda lonely.” He shrugged, looking back up at you. By the time his eyes met your his cheeks had slowly lost their red color. “But you’re here now so it’s much better now.”

You nodded, and through the silence you felt the tendrils of sleep clawing at your brain. You fought back a yawn and looked back up at the stars. Ever since first year you had been coming up there at night to watch the stars. There was something so peaceful and serene about sitting in the tower and just sitting underneath the stars.

“Tired?” Changbin smiled softly. When you nodded he stood up, extending his hand to you. “I’ll walk you back to your Common Room.”

You reached forward and let yourself get helped up, smiling back at him. As soon as you were upright he let go of your hand and you fought not to get disappointed at the lack of his hand in yours. 

“My brain is melted from talking about Herbology.” You laughed as you started walking down the steps of the tower. “So many plants and uses and effects.”

“I feel the same about Astronomy and Charms, an infinite amount of stars and hundreds of thousands of spells to memorize. It’s fucking impossible.” Changbin said, his feet making a loud echo through the stone walls. 

“Nothing is impossible.” You countered, focusing your eyes on your feet and trying not to miss a step. “Things get hard but not impossible.” 

You walked in silence, the only sound you heard was the soft footsteps and the whispers of the paintings. 

“You shouldn’t be out at night.” A woman spoke loudly from one of the paintings. The pictures around her seemed to get the message in a chain reaction, they all looked around at each other and repeated the same phrase. 

In your head you knew the paintings couldn’t do anything at that moment to get you in trouble, but you also knew they could relay messages to professors when everyone got back. You looked back at Changbin, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“Can’t we just have some fun?” Changbin shot back at the paintings, and you watched with amusement as they all were silenced. “You’ll probably forget by the time everyone comes back anyways.” 

You both laughed as the paintings disappeared behind their borders. As your laugher dissipated a low hum came from behind you and you smiled at the sound of whatever song Changbin was humming along to. 

The walk to your Common Room wasn’t too long, so you got there before Changbin could finish the first song. There wasn’t much else to say, but you also found that you didn’t really need words to convey whatever you were feeling.

You nodded towards Changbin, the small hint of a smile being somewhat hidden by the yellow scarf around your neck. Heat creeped up your face when Changbin mirrored your expression, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” It came out as more of a statement than a question but you still nodded to confirm. “Great.” Changbin stood still, not moving. “I’ll, uh, I’ll go now.”

When you nodded again you turned to the door to your Common Room, watching out of the corner of your eye to see Changbin turning around, fingers playing with the sleeves of his robe and head ducked low. You read the riddle on the picture above the door, getting distracted when you heard a voice from the hallway.

It was singing.

It was Changbin. 

You stood there in front of the door and listened to him singing. Although you couldn’t really distinguish any words other than ‘love’ and ‘snow’, you were still in awe at how pretty he sounded. His singing was much different than his speaking voice. Where his voice was deep and rough, his singing was light and airy. Never in a million years would you expect him to sing like that but you loved it.

His voice slowly dissipated as he walked away, and you stayed standing there until the last note could be heard following him towards the Hufflepuff Common Room. You wondered if he would still be singing in his dorm room, and you thought of him pacing his room, a serious look on his face as he continued to sing. 

You were disappointed when you could no longer hear him, so you quickly solved the riddle to get into your Common Room. By the time you had finally settled into your bed, changing from your robe into something far more comfortable, you realized something. If it was possible for you to fall deeper into your feelings for Seo Changbin, you were Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

“Fuck.” You said to yourself, hands going to rub at your eyes in an attempt to scrub all the thoughts from your brain. That, unfortunately, did not work, and you continued to think about Changbin’s beautiful singing and bright smile and everything else about him until you eventually fell asleep. 

vi.

After days of the same routine, going to the Herbology room for the day to learn about the next batch of plants and then to the Astronomy Tower to try and teach Changbin about another cluster of stars, you were quite literally burnt out. 

Yeah, it was endearing to see how passionate Changbin got about the plants, and helping him tend to them really boosted your knowledge, but it got to the point where you felt as though your brain was going to burst from how full it felt. You were also sure Changbin felt the same way because the last night you went to the tower he had fallen asleep, cheek squished on your shoulder and soft breaths escaping into fog around you.

“I’m so done with studying.” Changbin groaned as he hung his head over his plate of food. It was almost empty and you laughed at him almost dipping his nose in his syrupy pancakes.

“We can do something else if you want.” You suggested, finishing up your breakfast and sending your plate away. 

Changbin lifted his head up, mouth tilted and nose scrunched in thought. You waited for a few moments, observing the way his teeth teased his bottom lip and his eyes flickering between the lights hanging above.  

All of a sudden it was like a lightbulb had been lit up above his head, his whole body stiffening up and his eyes quickly snapping to meet yours. “I know what we should do!” You shushed him when his voice came out just tad bit louder than you would have liked, even though there was no one else in the room to be annoyed.

“Please tell me it’s not a surprise.” Not that you would have hated if it was a surprise as that meant you would have gotten to hold his hand again which you definitely weren’t opposed to, but you weren’t too keen on not knowing where you were going. 

“Well it would be pretty hard to hide this surprise so I’ll say no.” He chuckled, finishing his food at a very alarming rate. “Come on, let’s go!” The excitement in his voice only served to make your heart pump faster as well, a big smile curling past the edge of your scarf.

You followed him as he stood up, eyebrows raising as he stuck out his hand again. If this wasn’t a surprise, why did he want to hold your hand? You thought as you looked at him.

And he seemed to read your mind, because a pink hue spread across his face, the hand that wasn’t held out to you coming up to the back of his neck. “Oh, just so I don’t lose you.” Changbin smiled but it was more of a nervous one than the excited smile he had shown only moments before. “You know, the castle is really big. One wrong turn and we’re miles away from each other!”

His logic was sound, and you definitely weren’t opposed to holding his hand again so you made no protest, reaching forward and feeling warmth envelop you as your fingers intertwined again. While you weren’t sure exactly what the warm feeling was, you knew that it felt nice and it spread through your whole body. It wasn’t a hot warmth, but a comforting one, and you wanted to feel it all the time.

But if it only happened when you were near Changbin then, fuck. Perhaps you liked Changbin more than thought, or wanted to think, but you knew that at the end of the break you would go back to being strangers and you didn’t want to face that heartbreak. 

“Where are we going?” You asked, noticing that instead of turning right or left at the Great Hall doors, Changbin started walking forward, toward the front of the castle.

Changbin didn’t answer you until you were skirting the edge of the forest, the cold breeze nipping at your nose and cheeks. “It’s boring in the castle so I figured we could go to Hogsmeade.” When he turned back to you his nose was red, cheeks still pink and eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Is that allowed?” Your hand gripped Changbin’s tightly, the freezing temperatures making you cling to any warmth you could get and obviously it was all coming from him.

“There are no professors here to get us in trouble, and the people at Hogsmeade aren’t going to give a shit about our robes or anything.” Changbin shrugged, and you noticed you weren’t headed in the normal direction of village, but through a small path in the middle of the woods.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a Hufflepuff? You know, always following rules.” Your questions kept coming, and you looked sideways. Changbin’s nose was red, his cheeks almost matching. His scarf nearly covered his mouth, but you could still see the fog from his breath escaping through the fibers. As the snow fell around you, you noticed small snowflakes sticking to Changbin’s eyelashes. 

Before you could catch yourself staring, he turned to you, the snowflakes on his eyelashes slowly melting every time he blinked. “Even a Hufflepuff has to have some fun.” He winked at you, the tip of his lips curling above the scarf in a sly smile. 

The walk to Hogsmeade was much quicker than the normal way, and you wondered how many people knew of the shortcut. By the time Changbin had turned back to look down the path, a large brick wall was coming into view. Paired with the mix of talking, laughing and music growing louder as you approached, you were surprised at how quick you had made it there.

“Wow, that was quick.” You noted, looking up and down the wall and seeing you were right outside the village. There was no door, however, just the dark bricks that were jutting out in a distinct pattern.

Instead of responding, Changbin released your hand and you hoped he didn’t spot the way your bottom lip mimicked the bricks, jutting out slightly. He took out his wand, tapping a seemingly random array of bricks and you watched in awe as a small portion of the wall began swinging open. 

Behind the door you could see a steady stream of people walking up and down the streets and you realized you were right in the middle of Hogsmeade, without having to go through the front gates and deal with security. Changbin motioned for you to follow him, and without any thought behind your decision, you reached out and grabbed his hand. His eyes were cast downward and cheeks significantly redder than previously. 

“So I don’t lose you.” You mumbled out, feeling your face heat up and lip being teased by your teeth. The boy connected to you nodded, his fingers gripping yours tightly, but not tight enough that it got uncomfortable. If anything, you noticed the familiar warmth spread through you but this time it started at your hand in his.

“Come on, let’s go.” Changbin quickly started walking, and you looked behind to see the secret door slowly closing, the lines where it was opened now smooth again. You followed quietly behind, the people walking around you paying no attention to two students coming out of a dark alley together. It was understandable, with the holidays closely approaching, people would surely be more occupied with finding presents than busting students.

“Where do you wanna go first?” Changbin turned around to ask you, turning into a space away from the constant wave of people walking, not wanting to get swept away in the crowd. The constant talking and music around you made it hard for you to hear him, and you leaned closer, a sound of confusion coming from your throat. Changbin leaned forward, and you felt his nose almost touch the shell of your ear. “I said, where do you wanna go first?”

You looked around, taking in the shops around you and deciding to start there and just keep walking. Immediately to your right was the bookshop, Tomes and Scrolls, and you thought about seeing if there were any new astronomy books you could read. 

You turned to Changbin, a small gasp escaping you when you realized just how close you were. The tip of your nose just brushed his before he pulled away slightly, the tips of his ears burning red.

“Uh,” You stuttered, eyes trailing down to his lips and the way his teeth teased the bottom one. “Can we go to Tomes and Scrolls? I want to see if there are any new astronomy books.” When you looked back up at his eyes, you were surprised to see him staring at your lips. 

“Sure.” Changbin looked away, towards the bookstore only a few steps away. He seemed to be thinking to himself before he nodded. “Yea, let’s go.” He tugged your hand, weaving through the current of people, but not without catching a few dirty gazes for occasionally bumping into someone. 

As soon as you entered the building you were hit by the smell of old parchment. It was a very familiar smell, having been there more times than you could count when you would walk through Hogsmeade during weekends. You noticed there weren’t many people in the large shop, and knowing exactly where you needed to go, you started walking there.

Once you reached the row of books you had been looking for, the science section, you turned towards the one still connected by your hands. Changbin was looking around, the old antiques lining windowsills and shelves intriguing him.

“If you want, you can go look at whatever you want.” You let go of his hand, loosening your scarf as you had just walked into a room with heating. “You don’t have to stay by my side if you don’t want to.” 

“I don’t mind.” Changbin countered but made no move to grab for your hand again. “I don’t have any books I want to look for anyway.” He smiled, gesturing towards the shelf of books. “Go ahead, nerd.”

You lightly smacked his arm, sticking your tongue out at him and beginning to walk down the aisle, but not before throwing a, “You’re the nerd here, plant boy.”

Soft footsteps followed behind you, and you began to forget about your surroundings as you immersed yourself in the books. Most of them you had read before, some of them being presents from friends or your parents and others being given to you by Professor Sinistra had gifted you for being the top of the class. 

After you had picked out a few books you were interested in, you turned to Changbin, finding him looking very confused at a book of the history of the planets. You chuckled at him, walking the few steps until you found yourself next to him.

“Having fun?” You asked, laughing when said boy looked up at you with an incredibly clueless face. 

“This all feels like another language.” Changbin snapped the book shut, putting it where he found it and fully facing you. “Are you done?” The sentence would sound impatient if it weren’t for the smile on his face. When you nodded, Changbin motioned for you to go checkout, and you walked in silence with him behind you.

As you put your books down on the counter, you smiled towards George, the store owner. “Hi Mister George!” Everyone always called him by his first name and he always had a bright smile on his face despite the slight shake in his hand and the need for a cane to walk.

“Hello Y/N, it’s been a while! Found some books you haven't read yet?” His smile made him look so much younger. George started ringing up your two books, looking between you and Changbin yet he didn’t say anything.

“Yea, studying for OWLs set me back a little bit but I’m sure I’ll catch up with your supply soon.” You chuckled, trying to think back to the last time you had came by this store and not remembering.

“I’m sure you’ll do amazing, sweetie.” George finished ringing up your books, sliding them back to you. 

After you paid you reached forward to grab the books, only to be cut off by Changbin getting there first. When you turned to him, he simply shrugged saying, “I’ll carry them for you.”

You pouted, crossing your arms over your chest and sighing. “I can do it.”

“I know, I want to carry them for you.” He countered, bringing them closer to his body.

A chuckle came from next to you, and you both looked towards the noise, finding George looking at you two with another large smile. “You two are cute together. Remind me of my wife and I, both stubborn as hell but still in love.”

You wanted to say something but your face was aflame, ears burning and head tilted toward the ground. Instead of responding, you changed the subject, “I’ll see you later, Mister George, happy holidays.” You didn’t look at Changbin as you walked away, only knowing he was following behind you when you heard his footsteps and then eventually felt his hand envelop yours. 

Neither of you said anything about what George said, but with one look at Changbin you were sure your ears probably matched his own, bright red. You would have liked to say something about what happened, apologize for not correcting him, apologizing for not confirming what he said, but to be honest you weren’t too sure of your feelings. 

“Do you mind if we go to Dervish and Banges, the magic store?” Changbin asked, nodding towards the building only a few shops down, his hands preoccupied. “I want to get a few gifts.” 

“Of course, let’s go.” You agreed, quickly making your way down the road and running into the shop.

There were more people than the bookstore, loud chatter echoing through the whole shop and you felt Changbin loosen his grip on your hand. You let go immediately, looking over at him and seeing him searching for something.

“Should we split up?” You knew you could find a few gifts for your friends, and you wanted to give Changbin some privacy. “You’re probably sick of always being stuck with me.”

Changbin chuckled, shaking his head. “Not yet.” He paused for a second. “I’m just kidding, by the way. I don’t mind being with you. I mean, stuck with you.” He corrected himself, adjusting the books that had settled on his hip. “But yea, let’s split up and find our gifts. Then we can head back to the castle.” 

“Sure, sounds good.” You held your hands out. “Let me carry the books,” when Changbin didn’t hand them over you continued, “at least until we are done in here.”

“Okay.” Changbin drew out the last syllable, slowly giving them back to you. “But only until we are headed back to the castle, and then I’ll carry them. Let’s meet back at the front of the store in an hour.”

You nodded, turning on your heels and heading straight for the sweets section. If there was one thing you knew about Luna it was that she loved sweets. Looking through the different assortment of delicious looking things you settled on chocolate frogs, recalling once she had tried to keep one of the frogs in their dorm room and for the next month it smelled like stale milk. For a moment you debated getting her the chocolate frogs, but figured that she had learned her lesson the first time. 

For a while you were strolling up the aisles, looking at different gadgets and things. For Seungmin you had gotten a journal that had a whiteboard on the front, allowing him to doodle anything he wanted on it, it also came with a paper with a spell on it to animate the drawing.

You had also gotten something for Changbin, and you hoped it wouldn't be weird getting a present for someone you had only known for two weeks. It was a small snow globe, but instead of it being full of water or small flecks of artificial snow, it was an ecosystem full of plants. They were all alive, still growing from sprouts in the bottom of the globe. You thought that he could have his own greenhouse in his dorm room for when he couldn’t walk down to the large Herbology room. 

But, Han Jisung was an enigma. He was arguably your best friend at Hogwarts, ever since you walked into the Ravenclaw Common Room and saw a very hyper Jisung playing tag with some of the other students. He had ran into you, helping you up and introducing himself. Now five years later you told him all your secrets and he told you all of his and you wanted to get him something really special for when he came back from break. 

Finally you had settled on the quills, knowing how much he wrote, especially music, on anything he could. Sometimes you would go back to bed with ink marks on your arms from where Jisung just started drawing musical notes. 

There was a huge assortment of quills, and you were quite taken aback by it. Anything from quills that told jokes to quills that wrote in invisible ink that were only visible with a spell, they all were laid out in front of you and you were extremely indecisive.

That was, until you saw it. It was a medium sized quill with a very dark feather. At first glance it looked like any normal, non magic quill, but once you picked it up you read the tag.

“Turn any song into actual music with the flick of your wrist! Just draw a music note and listen as the quill plays it for you!” 

You smiled, clutching onto it as if it was the last one. It was perfect, you thought as you made your way up to the front, handing over the things you got to the cashier. Everything you had gotten seemed to perfectly encapsulate the ones you got them for, and you were excited to be able to hand them over and see their reactions. 

However there was still a nagging feeling at the back of your mind that Changbin would find it weird that you got him a present. Maybe I shouldn’t give it to him. You thought as you retrieved the bag of items from the cashier, walking toward the front with the bag in one hand and your books in the other. 

At the front of the store you already spotted Changbin, a small bag in his hand and the other shoved into the pocket of his robe. When he spotted you he smiled before reaching out. Rolling your eyes, you handed over your books, watching as he maneuvered them to one arm, that same hand holding onto his bag.

“Ready to go?” Changbin asked, his scarf already tucked into his robe and nearly covering his mouth. 

You nodded, doing the same to your scarf (which was still Changbin’s, but at this point you really didn’t want to give it back). “Yep! I can’t wait to get back for dinner and then sleep.” If you knew anything, it was that you had no expectations of going back to the castle and studying. One day breaks can be beneficial. Besides, you already felt as if there was nothing else new to learn, and you still had a month to review. 

“I never thought I would hear a Ravenclaw complain about studying.” A soft chuckle escaped into the air as Changbin once again grabbed your hand with his free one. It went without saying anything and you accepted his fingers gripping onto yours as you walked side by side. 

“Just because we like learning doesn’t mean we like studying.” You weren’t wrong, what with the amount of groans and complaints you heard in the Common Room when studying for OWLs started you were sure that if anything, most Ravenclaws despised studying.

There was a comfortable silence that washed over you as you walked, your connected hands swinging slightly as you made your way to the secret door back to the castle. Changbin mumbled something under his breath, his hand disconnecting briefly from ours, wand tapping seemingly the same pattern as when you had entered, and you set off on the short walk back to the castle, his hand subconsciously finding his way back to yours.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked from beside you, eyes still focused on the white covered path. It was like a winter wonderland, but you also knew the monsters that could be hiding in any nook or behind any tree so you wanted to get back as quick as possible.

“Why do you always ask that?” It was definitely what was on your mind, and you had hoped you didn’t come across as rude. “I didn’t mean it like that, I am just curious.”

“No, it’s okay.” Changbin started swinging your hands, the cold breeze it created making you shiver slightly. “I guess it’s just an easy way to start a conversation, and it lets others talk about what they want to talk about instead of just talking about something random.”

“I never thought about it that way.” You continued walking, your hand stopped swinging in favor of Changbin’s thumb softly rubbing the top of your hand. You assumed it was on accident, a subconscious thing that he does, but he had never done it before. Not that you minded in the slightest, which was why you didn’t say anything, letting him continue on, a shy smile slipping onto your face. 

As soon as you made it to the castle you both raced into the Great Hall, the smell of dinner wafting through the walls and making your stomach growl. There was only a week and a half until break was over and five days until Christmas, so each meal leading up to the holiday seemed even more delicious than the last.

You ate quickly, the hunger in your stomach almost unbearable now that you sat down and relaxed. Besides the loud noises of you eating, there was silence, not even the fairy at the top of the tree singing. Once you were done you pushed your plate away, watching Changbin do the same. 

“I’m officially done with today.” You leaned back in your chain, your scarf hanging behind the back. “I mean, I had a great time but I’m so tired.” Sleep crawled at your eyelids and you fought not to succumb to it, especially not sitting up in a chair where there was a high possibility your body hits the floor.

“We should head to bed, we exerted a lot of energy.” Changbin mumbled, his eyes also almost closing, his bottom lip poked out in a pout and you had to convince yourself to not kiss him in your sleepy haze.

You made a noise of agreement, too tired to even form words. Your plates still sat there and with a groan you sent them away. Each second you were awake was another second that you felt sleep pulling you under.

“Come on, we should get to bed before we both fall asleep at the table.” Changbin stood up and you saw he was much more coherent than you were. Albeit, he was still swaying on his feet, eyes drooping every couple of seconds. 

Standing up, you shook your head, forcing yourself to wake up just enough to get to your bed. You grabbed your bag and books and fixed the scarf back onto your neck. With a tired smile you reached towards Changbin’s hand, interlocking fingers like you had been doing over and over the past two weeks.

Your feet dragged as you walked and at some point Changbin let go of your hand in favor of wrapping a hand around your waist. Although you were somewhere between sleep and awake, you registered his soft breath on your ear and his voice saying, “You didn’t sleep much last night, did you?”

Thinking back to it, you really hadn’t. You decided to get in some study time by yourself, talking out loud into the room and trying not to think about Changbin’s handsome face. By the time you had deemed yourself done with studying for the night, it was well past midnight, so with some quick, sleepy calculating you held up four fingers to signal how many hours you figured you got. 

Changbin nodded, keeping silent as the walk to your Common Room felt like hours but was only a few minutes. You were coherent enough to eventually pick your feet up fully, but you leaned to the side, resting your head on Changbin’s shoulder. If he didn’t like it, you could just blame it on the fatigue when you saw him in the morning. He didn’t seem to mind though, just walking along as his fingers pressed even more on your waist to keep you upright.

The riddle at the doorknob blinked, indicating you hadn’t solved it yet. Changbin looked over at you and you shook your head, rubbing off sleep just enough to be able to solve the riddle with ease. (They tended to reuse riddles a lot and within the five years of you being there you had seen a few many times before.)

“Get some sleep, Y/N.” Changbin whispered in your ear, thumb softly stroking your waist and you felt a shiver race through you. Whether that was because of the cold or because of Changbin’s extremely close proximity, you weren’t sure. Although sleep was relentlessly trying to pull you under, you were coherent enough to register just how much you liked him saying your name. 

You nodded, not wanting to take your head off his shoulder and definitely not wanting to leave his very warm presence. “Okay.” You finally mumbled after a few seconds. “You too, get some sleep Changbin.”

“I will. I promise.” Changbin laughed, and guided you towards the door. 

As you stepped through the threshold the door closed behind you, and you stumbled towards your bedroom, a smile on your face when you remembered everything that happened. The bag of your gifts hung from your hand and you set it on Luna’s bed, it’s not like she was using it at that moment anyways. 

When you collapsed in bed, pulling the blanket up to your chin and eyes closing almost instantly, you thought back to how secure you felt with Changbin’s arm around you and how warm you felt when he was around. Sure, you had had crushes before, and that atrocious date at the Yule Ball thanks to Jisung, but what you felt was something unknown and as a Ravenclaw you definitely did not appreciate not knowing what you were feeling.

“Damn you, Seo Changbin.” Your voice trailed off, sleep finally taking over.

vii.

The next four days were filled with relentless studying. You would stay in the library way past curfew with Changbin, scouring the aisles for any types of books that could help you that you hadn’t yet read. At one point you even fell asleep sitting in one of the rows of books, one minute you were searching for a book of potions and the next you were being shaken awake by Changbin.

But the morning of Christmas you woke up early, finding Changbin’s present still sitting on Luna’s bed. You decided to give it to him when you both went to tend to the plants, finding it perfect that his present fit the scenario.

You put his present in a small box, trying slowly to wrap it and make it look somewhat presentable. Unfortunately there wasn’t a spell for it to wrap itself, so you begrudgingly fought with your own fingers in an attempt to cover every inch of the box.

You weren’t sure exactly how long it took you to finally be satisfied with the present, but you did know that the sun was shining in your window, as opposed to the dark pre-sunrise glow from when you started. 

“It’s not that bad.” You said to yourself, holding out the present, observing every angle and deciding that although it did look pieced together, because it was pieced together with a lot of patches of wrapping paper, that it looked good enough to give to Changbin.

Walking down to the Great Hall, the paintings around you sang Christmas carols and you laughed when you realized that none of them matched each other, the lyrics and notes mixing together into a very noisy and unpleasant sound. 

“Can you guys at least sing the same song?” You told them as you walked past, chuckling when that only caused them to have an argument over which Christmas song was superior.

When you finally made it to the Great Hall you were stopped in your tracks, the giant Christmas tree in the middle of the room was lit up even more than it was before. Vibrant blues, greens and purples sparkled on every inch of the tree, and when you looked closer you noticed that the lights were actually moving.

“Merry Christmas!” One of the lights screamed, the high pitched voice causing you to cringe. The lights were actually fairies, flying from branch to branch. Their wings emulated multiple colors, changing every couple of seconds. 

Your eyes then travelled to another sparkling object, but as you approached your regular table you laughed, sitting down across from a very glittery Changbin.

“What happened?” You asked, leaning forward and picking a piece of tinsel out of his hair. His regularly black hair with red streaks instead looked silver under the light, an immense amount of glitter and tinsel stuck in it.

“I tried to ask the fairies to wrap my presents and they bombarded me with this.” Changbin gestured to his hair, shaking his head and laughing when glitter spewed in every direction. “At least they agreed to wrap them. I’m not that coordinated to do it myself.”

“I never thought of that. I would let them drown me in glitter if I didn’t have to wrap mine myself.” You thought back to your horrifically wrapped presents, but decided your friends would rather it be pieced together by you than perfectly wrapped by someone else.

Before you could say anything else two full plates of food flew and quite literally landed on the table. There was almost every type of breakfast you could think of sitting right in front of you and you looked up at Changbin, eyes wider than the plates. Changbin, however, was just smiling excitedly, his eyes scrunched up and cheeks shining with the remnants of glitter that had floated from his hair.

“Holy shit.” You whispered, eyes still trying to take in all the food in front of you.

“Yeah. They always serve this on Christmas. I swear I gain 5 pounds each year because I can’t stop eating.” Changbin laughed, licking his lips in anticipation. He looked like he would dive in immediately but instead he looked up at you, a lopsided grin on his face. “By the way, Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Changbin.” You smiled back before staring down at your plate and debating where to start. 

A long groan escaped your lips when you finished eating, the last of the food having been cleared from the plate. It was quite possibly the tastiest meal you had ever had, and you considered staying there for break every year just so you could eat it on Christmas Day. Looking over at Changbin you saw the same expression you harbored, a very exhausted and overwhelmed smile on both of your faces. 

“Oh. My. God.” You shook your head, “I don’t think I can eat anything else ever again.” 

“We still have dinner tonight.” Changbin reminded you, chuckling when you groaned even louder. 

You sat in silence while you waited for the immensely full feeling to pass enough for you to be able to get up. The plates still sat on the table in front of you and neither of you had the energy to send it away this time. 

Before you could gather the energy to lift your wand, a flash of glitter appearing in front of you. “Merry Christmas!” The fairy squeaked. “I’ll take care of your plates. In the meantime,” another flash and she looked above the table. When you looked up your eyes widened, seeing a small mistletoe floating above you. “Why don’t the lovely couple share a Christmas kiss?”

“Oh.” You stuttered, “we aren’t dating, actually.” Daring not to look at Changbin, you locked eyes with the fairy, watching her face drop into a very dissatisfied frown.

“Too bad, you guys look cute together.” She pouted, glitter cascading slowly down her wings as she looked at Changbin and back at you. Her eyebrows raised, like she knew something and your face heated up. “Okay, I get it.” She winked at you, “Have a fun rest of your Christmas.” 

As soon as she had appeared she was gone, the plates and mistletoe following after her. You tried to stall looking back at Changbin, in fear of your face giving your new feelings away, but you figured prolonging anything would only make you look more suspicious.

Changbin’s cheeks were red, eyes downcasted and foot tapping softly on the floor. It wasn’t enough to cause an echo, but enough that the sound travelled the short distance between you. He looked adorable, and if you had enough confidence you would have leant over the table and kissed him right there. But unfortunately you didn’t, so you settled with clearing your throat, that sound echoing through the room.

“So, don’t you need to go tend to the plants?” You had the time table memorized at that point, knowing that after breakfast you would walk with him to the Herbology room, doing the same routine over and over. It would normally have gotten boring, but just being with Changbin made everything interesting. 

“Yeah.” Changbin looked up at you for the first time since the fairy came and took your plates. His hair was splayed across his forehead, nearly covering his eyes, and you almost commented on the fact that he should get a haircut soon but you also noticed just how good his longer hair looked.

“Okay, let’s go.” You tried brushing off the heat sizzling up in you, and the cold air from the cracks in the doors did well at cooling off your burning face. When you stood up you extended your hand, waiting just an extra beat longer than normal for Changbin to slip his hand in yours. 

Rather than awkward, the walk towards the Herbology was filled with tension. Changbin’s hand was sweaty, and neither of you chose to acknowledge it as you weaved through the moving stairs and winding hallways. It wasn’t a long walk to the Herbology room, but when you finally reached the door you disconnected your hands, watching as he unlocked the room. 

His shoulders were slumped as he made his way to the water sprayer, filling it up and then checking each plant carefully. You observed him, his present weighing heavily in your pocket. What if he thought it was weird? There were doubts in the back of your head, but you had already gotten it and seeing the way Changbin looked at each plant, like they were his children, with such care and love, you knew he would like it no matter if thought it was weird.

“Hey Changbin?” You called out to him, the present being held by your two hands behind your back. 

“Yeah?” He said, turning around after setting down a potted plant. His eyes moved to your arms behind your back, eyebrows raised in confusion and a small hint of alarm. “What’s behind your back?”

Instead of answering his question, you giggled, fingers drumming on the small box holding his present. As soon as you were standing directly in front of him, you took the box out from behind your back. Under the lights you got a better look, your lips quirking up into an apologetic smile.

“I tried to wrap it myself but it didn’t go as well as I planned, I definitely fucked it up just a little bit.” Despite it looking as pieced together as a jigsaw puzzle, you were quite proud of yourself for covering each inch of the box. You watched as Changbin took the box out of your hand gently, looking at each and every angle.

“It doesn’t look that bad. It means a lot more that you did it yourself.” Changbin smiled, fingers playing along the edges of the wrapping paper taped on nearly every side. A breathy laugh escaped him as he tried to pull the wrapping paper. “I think you did too good, I can’t get the damn thing off.” 

After a few seconds of struggling with the paper he ripped the top off enough to find the box underneath. A surprised look crossed his face as he slowly removed the top. There was a moment of observing what was inside before he took it out, holding it up to the light. His mouth was slightly hanging open, eyes wide and scouring every little plant that greeted him from inside for snowglobe.

“It’s a snowglobe, except it doesn’t have snow, it has plants.” You explained, pointing to the small sprouts in the soil of the snowglobe. “I figured you could have something to look at when you can’t come here.”

Before you could say anything else, a weight was pressed against you, hands immediately coming around you and resting on your back. Changbin was hugging you, and you quickly relaxed into his arms. He was much warmer than you expected, like a portable heater. The hand that wasn’t holding his present pressed flat on your back, slowly rubbing in circles.

“Thank you.” Changbin repeated over and over. His face was squished into your neck and you felt his breath on your collarbone, a shiver running through you even though you were far from cold. Your own arms wrapped around him, palms holding onto his shoulders and you could feel his muscles moving underneath your hand when you ran it up his spine. 

You didn’t want to let go, but Changbin pulled away first, holding up his plant globe once again to the light. His eyes shone as he scanned each little plant that had shown itself in the couple of days it had been in your room. It was like he didn’t believe it, and you smiled at how happy he looked. 

“So you like it?” Your voice was hopeful, and Changbin’s eyes immediately snapped to yours.

“Of course! I love it.” His smile was everything you could have ever hoped, all the previous worry and nervousness melting off of you. “Why wouldn’t I like it?”

“Well,” when you thought back to your worries, you realized that this was Changbin you were talking about, the sweetest Hufflepuff you had ever seen, even if he liked to break rules sometimes. Hell, he was softer than Seungmin. “I was scared you would think I was weird or something. I mean, we’ve only known each other for two weeks.” Your face heated up voicing your worries to him, but you knew he wouldn't make fun of you for it.

“You’re not weird at all. We’re friends, right?” You nodded, fighting the frown at the word friends. “Then you shouldn’t feel weird. I love it! I’ve been wanting to get a plant for my room but it’s not allowed, this is the perfect substitute.” Changbin’s smile widened again, eyes going back to scanning each and every inch of the plant globe. 

“Good, I’m glad you like it.” The light from outside was slowly dimming, midday already passed and evening creeping up behind it. A bright ray of sun shone directly through the clouds, aiming directly for Changbin’s plant globe. It seemed to feed all the plants in it, and you almost gasped when you saw some of them start to grow taller right before your eyes.

The next hour was spent helping Changbin check on the plants, and within the past week and a half you had learned almost everything you could about all of the ones in the room. How to care for them, how to clean them (at least, the ones you could touch without getting harmed or killed), how to tell if they were in need of more soil or water and how to handle them without setting them off, specifically the mandrakes. 

As soon as you were done checking on them all, you looked towards Changbin, who was still admiring his plant globe every minute. The last remaining light from outside illuminated his features, and you were in awe at just how handsome he looked. 

“Can we go to the Astronomy Tower?” Suddenly Changbin looked at you, asking the question with a nervous hint to his voice. When you nodded, he smiled, and he slowly set his globe in the box you had put it in originally.

Leading him to the tower, you walked in silence, the paintings around you finally on the same page as they all sang the same Christmas song, albeit in varying volumes and pitches. At least it was the same lyrics, you thought as you walked beside Changbin.

Your feet quickly struck the floor, a sense of excitement washing over you because you knew certain stars would be better visible tonight and you couldn’t want to tell Changbin about them. Whenever you would talk about the stars to him, you found his eyes always following your finger as you pointed in the sky. Sometimes he would get it and sometimes he wouldn’t, but just seeing the stars reflected back into his eyes made your feelings for him just dig itself a little bit deeper.

After the tantalus walk up the stairs, you settled for a different spot than before to look at the stars, picking one just a little bit closer to the stairs. Sitting down, you let go of Changbin’s hand, opting instead to start pointing up at all the stars you recognized that you hadn’t yet talked about with him. 

However before you could go very far into your explanation about Pleiades and it’s mythology, you noticed Changbin looking over to the side. “Are you okay?” You asked, your hand moving to rest on his shoulder.

Instead of answering you, Changbin turned back around, his hands clasped around something and before you could ask him anything he interrupted. “Close your eyes.” When your face morphed into one of slight fear and worry, he elaborated. “Just trust me, I have a surprise for you.”

You had trusted him that whole time, so you listened, closing your eyes and relying on your other senses to try and tell what was going on around you. To your right, where Changbin was, you heard a slight rustling and then the sound of fabric on wood. You felt a familiar warmth envelop you and then the feeling of two hands in front of your face.

Trusting him, you didn’t freak out, letting it all happen and suddenly you felt something very cold hit your chest right between your collarbones. Curiosity filled your senses but you waited for Changbin to give you a noise of confirmation to open your eyes. When a small “okay” came from your right you squinted at him, nose scrunched and you were nervous to look down. 

You couldn’t see much of it, but what you did was beautiful. It was a small charm, almost like Saturn itself. There was one dark orb in the middle surrounded by two rings and the one on the inside spun slightly when you moved. It was breathtaking, and you felt your jaw quite literally drop, eyes widening and face burning. 

“Wow.” Was all you could say as you watched Changbin grow more and more visibly nervous. “I love it.” You said, slipping your hand underneath it and admiring the way the night sky seemed to make it shine even brighter.

“That’s not all it does.” Changbin’s hand ruffled his hair, eyes still not leaving the necklace resting almost perfectly directly underneath your collarbones. “Stand up.” His hand was extended towards you and you took it, letting him pull you up before taking out his wand.

One of his hands stayed clasped in yours, the other holding his wand and you stayed staring into his eyes before he was the first one to break it. The tip of his wand tapped your necklace, “astra lumora” he whispered softly and you gasped when immediately you were surrounded by stars. 

Above, below, all around you were bright sparks of stars, and you found yourself looking everywhere you could to find you were quite literally standing among the stars. It was almost as if you were floating in space with nothing around you but the gas balls. 

“This,” your eyes continued to wander before finally settling on Changbin’s bright ones. “Is beautiful. I love it so much.” You couldn’t tear your eyes away from Changbin’s. Despite being in what felt like a dream, sitting among the stars, you were grounded by his eyes on yours. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” A smile flickered on Changbin’s face, and your gaze swapped from his eyes to his lips. There wasn’t really anything else you were thinking about except kissing him, and you decided, fuck it, what better time to confess your rapidly escalating feelings for the Hufflepuff in front of you than while you were surrounded by stars?

“I’m thinking about how much I really want to kiss you.” You were so close that you only needed to whisper it, watching your cold breath escaping as a small cloud in the air. It was going to be heartbreaking if he didn’t feel the same, but it was okay, because at the end of the break you would go back to being just a Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, not interacting or talking. 

“Ask me the same thing.” Changbin’s thumb rubbed your hand softly, eyes locked on your lips.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Your voice was barely audible, the hand that wasn’t clasped in his moving up his arm to eventually rest on the back of his neck. The hairs there were sticking up and whether that was because of the cold or your proximity, you weren’t sure.

Changbin took another step closer to you, your nose brushing his. His wand was gone, tucked away into his robe as his hand wrapped around you, resting on the small of your back. “I’ve been thinking the same thing for a while.”

Instead of saying anything else, you lean forward, eyes closing. The feeling of Changbin’s lips on yours could only be described as soft. He wasn’t too hard, perhaps afraid you would break into a thousand specs, blending in with the stars surrounding you. While you did feel like you could do that, Changbin’s hand on your back and the prickly feeling of the hair on the back of his neck grounded you into reality.

Yeah, you were kissing Seo Changbin, the same guy that you didn’t want to associate with at all after learning he would also be staying behind for break. The same guy that got too excited talking about plants and had always kept his hand clasped in yours. The same guy that gave you his scarf when you forgot yours and never once asked for it back.

You definitely had no intention of giving it back now. 

Changbin tilted his head, his hand leaving yours and joining his other one on your back. Your free hand also coming up to settle on his neck, thumb tracing a vein that told you his heartbeat was pounding.

It was effortless, kissing Changbin, and you found yourself thinking that it could definitely become a habit. He was like a drug, pulling you into a sense of euphoria and relaxation that had your knees buckling. All of your senses molded into one and you weren’t sure where you started and Changbin ended, or whether you two had just slowly combined to create one bright star to join the infinite others out there.

All you knew was that Seo Changbin was there, he was kissing you, and you could spend the rest of your life stuck in his embrace and you would be the happiest person in the universe.

When you finally pulled back from the kiss, you were met with Changbin’s sparkling eyes, smile stretching from ear to ear. His cheeks were slowly gaining color, his eyes never leaving yours and you were entranced. Leaning forward you left another soft peck on his lips, a small giggle directed at the ground when you rested your forehead on his shoulder. 

“Wow.” You said for the second time.

“I know.” Changbin’s thumbs pressed a little harder into your back, palms smoothing out over your muscles and pulling you closer to him if that was even possible at that point. “So,” He started, hands now moved to your waist and the warmth you had always felt when you were around him surrounded and filled every inch of you. “Where do we go from here?”

Where do you go from there? Surely you wanted to be with him, even if you had sworn off dating in favor of studying. You could have both, right? You would force yourself to have both if it meant having Changbin with you.

“Well,” Your hands moved to Changbin’s hair, softly pulling and stroking any inch of skin you could reach. “I like you, a lot.”

“Duh.” Changbin countered, laughing when you smacked his shoulder lightly. “Okay, okay. I like you a lot too.” Although his laugh had dissipated, the gentle smile still remained.

“Do you think we could make this, like, official?” Your voice stuttered a bit, and you weren’t sure how to ask, you had only been asked out once and that was to the Yule Ball.

“You want me to be your boyfriend?” A smirk played on Changbin’s face, his shoulder ready to take another hit but you just nodded, the yellow fabric of his scarf brushing against your hand as you played with a loose string.

“As long as you want to be my boyfriend.”

“Of course I do.” Instead of saying anything else, Changbin sealed his statement with a kiss, his lips cold after being separated from yours for so long. 

After you pulled away a long yawn ripped through you, the darkness of the night pulling at your eyelids and wanting you to join so many other people in dream land. It all felt like a dream, though, and you were convinced that when you laid down to go to sleep that you would just wake up. 

“We should get some sleep.” Changbin said, pulling out his wand and tapping your necklace twice, watching as the stars all got sucked back into the dark orb. “There’s only a week left until break ends.”

You let a pout fall onto your face, not wanting to go back to classes and the bombardment of students. You just wanted to spend all the time you could with Changbin before you were forced to sit at different tables and only see each other at certain times. 

“Okay. I guess we should.” You agreed, however, knowing that although you were the Ravenclaw, Changbin sounded much more logical at that moment.

Your head stayed on Changbin’s shoulder as you walked back to your Common Room, your hand still grasped tightly in his. Occasionally you leaned just a little bit closer, pecking the corner of his mouth or his cheek or his neck, whatever you could reach. When you did that, Changbin would turn his head towards you, letting you land a kiss on where you wanted to land one the most, his lips.

“Oh look at them!” One of the pictures whispered as you walked by, and you watched as they all followed your movements, soft whispers being exchanged. You ignored them, just wanting to stay with your hand in Changbin’s and his warmth surrounding you.

As soon as you arrived at your Common Room you pulled apart, though Changbin’s hands just wandered to your waist as you solved the riddle, listening to the click of the lock opening for you. When you turned around Changbin’s lips were on yours, a soft hum coming from his throat. You were content with just staying like that, but paintings eventually gossiped, and you definitely didn’t want the professors finding out what you were up to during break.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” The hands on your waist were distracting, but you kept thinking that the faster you went to sleep the quicker you could see him in the morning again.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Changbin confirmed, not making any move to leave. His hands stayed in place, fingers tapping lightly. “Hey, Y/N?” After a few moments of silence he called your name, stepping a little bit closer to you and the warmth started to intensify. When you made a noise in response, you saw his eyes flick to your lips. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Of course, Binnie. You don’t have to ask.” Chucking you walked up in front of him, waiting for him to lean in and give you what you knew you both wanted, but he didn’t. You opened your eyes, shooting him a confused look, eyebrows raised when you saw his mouth gaped open. “Are you okay?”

His cheeks lit up almost red and you found it cute that he was still shy. “You, uh, you called me Binnie.” A small smile appeared on his face, nose scrunched up slightly and before you could ask any other questions, like if it was okay that you called him that, he continued. “I mean, I like it, that nickname. It’s cute.” He elaborated, quickly leaning forward and landing a kiss on your awaiting lips. It was quick, quicker than you had wanted it to be but it was already dark and you knew how bad you got when you didn’t get enough sleep, so you relented.

“Well, you’re cute.” You laughed when Changbin rolled his eyes, turning around and proceeding to start to walk away.

He didn’t get far though before he turned back to you, “Good night, baby.”

Then it was your turn for your face to heat up, a soft, “good night” following him as he walked away. You waited until he was fully gone to shut the door, a small squeal leaving you. Jumping up and down you ran to your room, launching yourself onto the bed and burying yourself beneath the covers.

“Oh my god that actually happened.” You whispered to yourself after getting comfortable in bed. The comforter was enough to keep you warm from the winter outside, but you noticed nothing could compare to the warmth that covered you from head to toe when you were near Changbin.

As sleep took over, a smile fell on your face when you thought about Changbin and his messy hair and soft lips and dorky demeanor and how you couldn’t believe that he actually felt the same.

viii.

The next few days were filled with what you normally did: studying. Unlike the other times, however, you were much more cuddly with Changbin. Laying on one of the couches in the library, you would curl into a ball on his lap, the book open as you lazily read aloud. Changbin’s hand never left your back, fingers massaging your muscles, the occasional kiss being pressed to your forehead or cheek.

It was the last day of break. Tomorrow everyone would file in, the noise overwhelmingly different to the silence as you walked through the halls. It was bittersweet, you wanted your friends to come back and classes to start again, but after having been by Changbin’s side for almost the whole break, you didn’t want to go back.

You met Changbin in the Great Hall, smiling when you saw your chair moved again to be right next to his. The Christmas tree was still up, though you knew it would start to get taken down later that day. The fairies looked down at you two with a glint in their eyes. 

“Good morning, Binnie.” Sliding into the chair, you looked over at Changbin. His hair was still messy from sleep, cheeks just the slightest bit pink from where it had been pressed into the pillow. He gave you a sleepy grin, puckering his lips and waiting for you to catch on. You leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. A loud squeal came from the tree, the fairies whispering in an annoyingly shrill almost silent voice.

“Morning, baby.” Changbin responded, fingers playing with the edge of your scarf, noticing that it was still the yellow one that he had given you the first day you met. “Have I told you how much I like seeing you wear this?”

“No, but at least I know now.” Although the scarf covered the chain of your necklace, you could still see the glint of the dark orb resting right underneath the yellow fabric. You could still smell his distinct odor of cinnamon and pine needles, a scent that you had come to associate with the warmth that spread through you, but it was fading. “You’re going to have to take it back soon.” You said as your plate of breakfast waited in front of you.

Changbin was already eating, his cheeks full of pancakes and he turned to you, mouth almost dropped open and food almost spilling out. He took a moment to chew and swallow before frowning. “Why?”

“It’s starting to not smell like you anymore.” You said nonchalantly, picking apart your pancake and beginning to eat. A soft chuckle came from next to you, and before you could turn your head to question why he laughed, his lips connected with your cheek.

“You’re cute, baby.” Was all he said, going back to eating and you eventually followed, a smile and shake of your head preceding it.

After you had finished eating, you found yourself in the same place as the previous few days, strolling back into the library, one of your hands gripped tightly in Changbin’s and the other holding onto a History book that you found stuffed in one of your drawers. How it got there, you would never know, but you knew when you were done skimming it and eventually snapping it shut when you got tired of the boring history terms that it would go right back to where you found it. 

You set the book on the table, letting go of Changbin’s hand and walking down the aisles in search of another book, one that had been recommended by the Divination teacher to help with her class. Having been in the library almost every day for the last three weeks, you knew where more things were, but this one you couldn’t get your hands on. Surely it was there, your teacher wouldn’t recommend it if she knew it wasn’t.

Your search was interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping around you, warm breath making you shiver. “Hey.” Changbin said simply, pulling you back into him. “It’s cold without you.” You could feel the pout through his voice, and you turned around in his embrace.

“I was just looking for this Divination book, but I can’t find it. I think it disappeared.” You looked up the aisle, trying to remember where it could be but coming up blank.

“The OWL for Divination is easy, all you have to do is look in the bottom of a cup and tell her what you see.” Changbin explained, and he wasn’t wrong, your teacher did say there was no wrong answers, so surely everyone would pass, but you couldn’t help to feel like somehow you would see something wrong or that by some sort of cruel stroke of misfortune she would fail you. 

“Besides, you’re too smart to worry about failing, you’ll probably get the top score in everything.” Changbin closed the small distance between you, his lips connecting with your forehead. In turn, you closed your eyes, smiling at the feeling of his thumbs pressing small circles into your back and cool breath fanning over your face. “If anything,” he started as he pulled away, “I need you to tutor me.” 

“I guess I can do that.” You wriggled out of Changbin’s grasp, walking back to the couch and grabbing the book you had set there earlier. Changbin closely followed, sitting on the couch and holding out his arms for you to fit into. 

You sat with your back resting on the arm of the couch, Changbin’s legs comfortably underneath you and his arms snaked around you. The book sat on your legs, one of his hands coming to play with the pages when he saw fit. Instead of exchanging any other words, you started reading a chapter, trying not to let your face heat up when you looked up to see Changbin’s eyes trained on you. 

It wasn’t like he had much else to look at, it was just snow and trees outside and the endless rows of books inside, but it was more of the look he had rather than the fact that he was looking at you. A soft grin stretched his lips, tilting up at one side. His eyes shifted from your eyes to your necklace - that you had yet to take off - and eventually settling on your lips. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” You asked quietly, watching as his cheeks began to gain a bit more color to them. 

“You’re just really pretty.” He shrugged, eyes falling down to the book in your lap. Instead of trying to read sideways, he resorted to tracing the lines of the map at the top of the page.

“I think you’re pretty too, Binnie.” Your lips found his nose, chuckling when his face turned into a deeper red. “But we really should try and get some studying in, there’s only one more day left of break.”

His face morphed into a deep frown, eyebrows tugging into the center of his face. You knew what he was thinking, and you mirrored the same sentiment. After everyone came back you would be forced to sit at your house tables, looking at each other across the Great Hall and wishing you were able to slide in the seat next to him. Reading his mind, you raised your hand up to his cheek, your thumb tracing his cheekbone. His skin was still warm underneath your fingers.

“I don’t want break to end.” Changbin’s frown turned into a pout, head tilting forward to rest on your shoulder.

“I don’t either but it’s not like we won’t ever see each other again.” Your hand moved from his cheek to his hair, smoothing down strands that had stuck up into the air. 

“I know.” He sat back up, the pout still deeply etched onto his face. “I’m gonna miss just us being here, though. We’ve only had a week alone to be cute and coupley.” You laughed at that, and his pout only stuck out more. “It’s not funny.” He dragged out the last syllable.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You’re just cute.” You countered, looking back down at the book in your lap. “We’ll still be able to be ‘cute’ and ‘coupley’, don’t worry. I think we should get back to studying though, how about we have a quiz?” You suggested, flicking through the book until you got to a section you had read to him before. 

So you read a section out loud again, watching out of the corner of your eye as Changbin looked up at the air, mouthing what you could only assume was dates and names to try and remember them. As soon as you finished the passage you turned your attention to Changbin, finding him still peering into the ceiling.

“What happened to the classes at Hogwarts in 1965?” You asked, knowing that you just went through it.

Changbin thought for a moment, his fingers drumming on your waist in an attempt to come up with an answer. “Oh!” His eyes lit up, a smile on his face as he turned to you. “The roof fell through from the heavy snowfall and so classes were canceled for a while to fix it.” 

You nodded, leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to his lips, his reward for getting the question right. You continued on with your questioning, rewarding him with a kiss every time he got one right. 

Eventually he began to drift off, his head bobbing up and down as he tried to think of an answer but instead was met with a soft tap to the forehead and you telling him to “wake up”. It wasn’t until the fourth time of falling asleep and being woken up by you that he gave up.

“Fuck it.” He said, tapping your back in a signal for you to get off his lap for just a moment. Changbin turned so his head was resting against the arm of the couch, grabbing a pillow and pulling it so it cushioned his head. Falling back, he nestled into the couch with a sigh. Before his eyes closed fully, however, his arms raised, hands making a grabby motion and you knew you weren’t going to convince him to study anymore so you relented.

Setting the book on the table, you walked forward and squeaked when Changbin’s hands immediately grabbed your waist, pulling you down quickly. A grunt was released when your head hit his chest, the sound of his heartbeat the only thing you could hear besides your breath. He was comfortable, just the right amount of hard muscle and plush skin and you melted into his embrace. 

“Let’s just take a nap.” Changbin suggested from above you, his chin resting on the top of your head, although it was more of a statement than a suggestion. His voice vibrated through his body and you could feel instead of hear his voice.

You didn’t reply, instead opting for snuggling closer into him, the edges of your robe draping over you and creating a makeshift blanket. Though you didn’t need much else to warm you, as Changbin’s body heat was enough to make you feel warmth from your head to feet. His hands settled on your back, thumbs massaging your tense muscles gently. The pressure seemed to let off eventually, and you looked up to see he was fast asleep, mouth slightly open and eyes closed. You weren’t sure how long you had laid there, but it wasn’t long until you were following Changbin into dreamland.

“Baby.” You were awoken by Changbin’s voice in your ear, his hands going back to their normal place of tracing shapes on your back. His heartbeat beneath your ear was soniferous, causing your eyes to stay closed and for you to almost fall back into slumber. That was, until he said your name a little louder, his hands shaking your body that was lying fully on top of his. “Y/N, it’s time to get up, baby.”

“Don’t wanna.” Your voice was distorted due to your cheek being pressed into the junction between his neck and shoulder. During your sleep you nuzzled even closer to Changbin, your nose pressed against his neck and lips close to his collarbone. You pressed a quick kiss there, a lazy smile floating up when the boy below you squirmed. “You’re comfy.” Going back to your previous position, you tried to ignore all other tries to get you to wake up, only wanting to be cuddled closer and to fall back asleep.

“It’s nighttime and although there isn’t anybody here, I’m sure some of the ghosts will do patrols.” Changbin spoke softly, “And I don’t want us to get in trouble the first day after break.”

Although you really couldn’t have cared less about the ghosts, they rarely walked through the library anyways, some citing memories from their deaths in the history books and others just not bothering because who would be in the library this late, you lifted your head. You were met with pink cheeks, hooded eyelids and a seemingly drunken smile.

“Did you just wake up too?” Your voice came out more stable that time, yet you still felt the small hands of the sandman trying to tempt you again. When Changbin nodded you stayed silent, just admiring the boy laid out in front of you. One of your hands rested on his chest to keep you upright and you pushed yourself forward to kiss both of his cheeks. 

“We should head back to our dorms, I don’t wanna get caught, especially not by the Fat Friar or the Grey Lady.” Changbin moved his hands from your back to your waist, helping you in sitting up on the couch. He, in turn, tucked his legs under you and stood up. “I’ll help you back if you want?”

Sleep sounded nice, but sleeping while also cuddled into Changbin sounded even better. So you shook your head, hand sliding down Changbin’s arm to find his hand, not needing vision to fit your fingers together perfectly. “No,” You stood up, squeezing his hand slightly. “I want to stay with you.”

Changbin’s cheeks bloomed red again, a shy smile and quick ruffle of his hair coming and going before he looked back up to you. “Okay, okay. Do you want to sleep in my Common Room or yours?” The fact that he was willing to risk getting in trouble for you had your heart clenching.

“I’ve always wanted to see what the Hufflepuff Common Room looked like.” You said with a smile, almost jumping for joy when he began walking in the direction of his Common Room.

You swung your connected hands between you, an excited skip in your step knowing that you wouldn’t have to cocoon yourself in your blanket to keep warm. The thought came though, that you wouldn’t be able to do that when break ended, and a frown etched itself into your face. The frown stayed there until you got to the door to the Common Room, when your lips straightened into a line.

Changbin looked over at you, hand immediately finding some switch behind a barrel that sat next to the door. You knew there was some sort of code or button or something to get into the room, Seungmin had told you a story of his first time trying to find it, but you didn’t know it was there. A smile was quickly flashed to him as you tried to not let him know what you were thinking.

As soon as the door opened, however, you forgot everything you had been thinking about, a loud gasp leaving your lips. 

You hadn’t ever seen the Hufflepuff Common Room, just getting a picture in your head from what Seungmin had described it as, but wow, did it look way better than anything Seungmin could have said. 

It had a low ceiling made of what looked like oak wood, with a simple chandelier hanging directly in the middle. The light from said chandelier reached every nook and cranny in the room, making everything bright and giving you a rush of energy. You understood why Hufflepuffs always seemed to be smiling. Scattered throughout the room were comfy looking chairs and couches, though there was a small circle of furniture around the fireplace, which was always slowly burning. 

The whole room was shrouded in a light yellow color, from the rounded walls to the fabric of the furniture. A soft orange spilled from the fireplace area, and you were immediately drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. 

“Woah.” You were still observing everything around you as Changbin led you to one of the couches by the fire. Small potted plants sat on tables along with small stacks of books. It was unusual that they had plants in the Common Room but weren’t allowed any in their private rooms, and you were glad you got Changbin the plant globe so he could have them by his bedside.

“It’s not much, but it’s comfy.” Changbin shrugged, sitting down in the middle of the muted yellow couch, pulling you down so you sat on his lap.

“What do you mean?” You continued looking around, seeing the thick layer of snow outside the windows. “It’s so relaxing to sit in here, I could fall asleep right away.”

“Well let’s do that then.” The hand that was clasped in yours let go, moving you so you laid in the same position as in the library. The couch you were laying on was much larger than the previous one, with much softer looking pillows. Not that you needed a pillow, you had Changbin who was like your own personal firm but soft pillow.

After a little bit of moving you settled with your nose pressed back into the column of Changbin’s neck, one of your hands sitting on his chest. As you laid there, you traced small shapes into his skin, chuckling when he started to shake. “I’m ticklish.” He had stated as an excuse, but you continued the small touches, only scaling back slightly because the feeling of his muscles under his shirt was comforting, more so than the color of the room or the lighting hitting the walls.

“Goodnight, baby.” was the last thing you heard before you let yourself fall into sleep once again.

viiii.

You woke up to the sounds of furniture being moved. It was extremely loud, echoing through the soon to be full hallways and traveling out into the snow. Instead of jumping up and exploring the noise, you settled in Changbin’s arms, not wanting to get up and face the reality of the day.

His hands were loosely resting on your hips, no longer adding pressure or drawing invisible pictures. You could feel his chest raising and lowering with each deep breath he took. When you lifted your head up you noticed the same pink tint to his cheeks and you kissed each of them, trying hard not to wake him up just yet. 

The noise continued on, and you decided to get up, your eyes already ridding themselves of the Sandman’s dust and your mind already ready to start the day that you had been dreading since the beginning of break: the end of break. 

You slowly lifted yourself off of Changbin, putting your hands on either side of his waist and swinging your feet to the floor. Luckily the carpet swallowed most of the noise of your footsteps as you walked out of the room. You thought about what would happen when Changbin woke up and you weren’t there, but you also knew that he would know where to find you.

The walk to the Great Hall seemed longer than any other time you’ve had to do it, and you looked on at the paintings, some of them not in their frames and others posed perfectly in anticipation for everyone coming back to the castle. Once you got to the hard stone of the hallway floors, your footsteps echoed underneath the ongoing noise. It came to a crescendo when you reached the doors to the Great Hall, finding what you expected.

The giant Christmas tree that once stood in the middle of the room was gone, the fairies that once danced on its branches stood on the lanterns hanging from the ceiling. They held their hands up like puppet masters, and you realized they were the ones moving the long tables back into the Hall. Everything was being turned back into normal, and while you were happy to go back to the routine, you also knew you would miss being one of the only people in the castle. 

“You scared me.” A voice came from beside you, but you weren’t shocked, only a nod coming as a response. Changbin stood beside you, his arm snaking around your waist and pulling you into him. “It seems like just yesterday I saw you eating with your friends and now here we are.” His eyes never left the moving tables, but yours trailed to his face. Had he known of you for that long?

Before you could ask, however, Changbin smiled. “I’ve had a crush on you for a while.” He shrugged, looking at you. The noise had calmed down, but he still leaned closer as if he was trying to talk over it. “I just never thought you would know who I was, so I kinda gave up.”

The scraping of the tables on the wood floor stopped, and you looked to see everything settled into place, just as it was before. You walked towards the Ravenclaw table, feeling Changbin’s presence next to you as you sat down.

“Well here we are now.” You said simply, leaning your head on your hand and peering sideways at Changbin. 

“Yep, here we are now.” Changbin stared at the Hufflepuff table in front of him. “So,” he started, not switching his focus from the table. “Are you okay if my friends know about us? You don’t have to meet them right away, they tend to come pretty late back from break anyways.”

The statement was kind of obvious, you noted. There was no reason for you to hide your relationship, if anything, your friends would be ecstatic to see you had met, and gotten very acquainted with, Changbin. Especially Jisung. Okay, maybe Jisung could be in the dark for a little bit. You weren’t ready to say he was right.

“Of course, I don’t think there’s any reason to hide it, do you?” The hand on your waist squeezed softly, almost in reassurance. “As long as you’re okay with my friends knowing? I mean, one of them is a Hufflepuff, you might know him, and the other two are very,” You paused, trying to find the right word to describe Luna and Jisung, “interesting.” 

“Of course, I want them to know about us. My friends are all Gryffindors, three of them. One was my lab partner in Potions, he’s two years younger than me, and then another one is a year younger and the other is a year older.” Changbin counted off his friends, not giving much detail except what year they were in.

“That’s an interesting combination.” You chuckled, trying to think of any Gryffindors you knew of. Having nothing come to mind, you gave up, knowing you would see them soon. “There’s not much more time left until everyone arrives.” There was a sad note to your voice.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Changbin smiled as he asked it, his full face now on display as he turned his body to face yours. Instead of responding, you just leaned forward, connecting your lips and letting them rest there for a moment. Changbin was taken aback, a soft, “okay” mumbled against your lips before he kissed back. The hand that wasn’t on your waist was cupping your cheek, while your two hands rested on his shoulders, thumbs pressing into his collarbones. 

Your lips moved together in sync for who knows how long. Time didn’t matter when you were near Changbin, all that mattered was that he was there and that hopefully he would be there for a long time. You lost yourself in him, only focusing on the soft cotton of his robe underneath your fingers, the smooth glide of his lips on yours, and the way your skin heated up where he was touching you. 

The sound of a train horn made you pull away, your face hot and you were sure you mimicked Changbin’s red cheeks. You smiled at him, letting your fingers trail to the back of his neck and play with the short hairs at the nape. Landing one last kiss on the tip of his nose, you turned to the door, watching as some students already started piling in and sitting at their house table. 

You heard Jisung before you even saw him, his loud voice talking about something you couldn’t quite distinguish, but you knew it was him. Then you saw his hair, now a light blond, walking along with blue hair, Luna. Standing up, you grabbed Changbin’s hand, giving it a light squeeze and preparing yourself for the bombardment of hugs and questions you would get.

“Y/N!” The loud scream came from Jisung, startling the still small amount of students in the Hall. He came running up to you, causing you to let go of Changbin’s hand and use both of yours to brace yourself for the body crashing into you. 

It doesn’t mean you were ready for the body crashing into you, though. Almost falling over, you wrapped your arms around Jisung, a large smile making your cheeks hurt. There weren’t any words being exchanged, except for nearly silent “hello”s as Luna also came up behind Jisung and joined in on the hug. 

When Jisung pulled away, his eyes trailed from your face to Changbin standing next to you, his hand hovering over the small of your back. You said nothing, letting Jisung put the pieces together. You knew he figured it out when his mouth hung open.

“So now I know what you were doing instead of reading my owl messages and replying to me!” Jisung held your shoulders, shaking you slightly. “And I told you so!” He said the last part a bit louder, and you felt your face heat up. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure. You said something.” You rolled your eyes.

“I said a lot of stuff, all of which seemed to be correct by the looks of things.” Jisung stared down at Changbin’s hand on your back before following the hand to find it’s owner staring at him, a small smile on his face. “Oh, sorry I’m rude. I know you but you probably don’t know me, I’m Jisung, Y/N’s best friend and I was right about you two.”

“I’m Luna!” Luna said from behind Jisung, her hands holding her cage with her pet owl. 

“Nice to meet you guys. And you were right about what?” Changbin asked Jisung, and you whipped around to him, trying to tell him to not ask about anything Jisung said, but it was already too late.

“I found out you were staying behind along with our lovely friend here, and me, being the amazing lovebird I am, said she should have some fun instead of just spending it all studying.” Jisung explained, clapping at himself and you shook your head laughing. Luna came up behind Jisung, nodding along to everything he said.

“I think the only reason why we’re dating is because you weren’t here to be my wingman anymore.” You jabbed his side with your elbow. “Can we sit down? You guys look tired from the train ride.”

Jisung and Luna nodded, turning around to walk to the other side of the table. While they did that you turned to Changbin, face heating up when you saw he was smiling at you. “You talked about me before we met?”

“Don’t get so flattered, Jisung was exaggerating just a little bit.” You pouted, sitting down and leaning into his side.

“Even if he was exaggerating, I think it’s cute.” Changbin commented, kissing your temple and watching Jisung and Luna weave through students, now followed by Seungmin with very messy hair and an annoyed look on his face. “We can meet my friends later if you want.”

“Sure, that sounds good.” Your head stayed on Changbin’s shoulder as your friends finally sat in front of you. No one said anything at first, but the expressions on their faces told all. Jisung, of course, had a very I told you so face on, one eyebrow raised and a smirk playing on his lips. Luna was looking between you and Changbin and smiling, while Seungmin’s mouth hung open at the sight of the boy sitting next to you. “What happened to you?” You questioned Seungmin, watching as his face turned from one of surprise to one of annoyance.

“My sister’s cat decided to fall asleep on my head and then my alarm didn’t go off so I didn’t have time to fix my messed up hair before I had to catch the train.” Seungmin shook his head, trying desperately with his hands to smooth down his hair before giving up with a huff.

“Just use a spell.” Luna shrugged, running a hand through her blue hair. As she did so, the colors seemed to change slightly, and you realized she must have used a new magic dye to turn her hair even more colors under different lights. 

“It’s okay, we don’t go back to classes until tomorrow so I can just take a shower when I get back to the Common Room.” Seungmin shrugged, waiting a moment before directing his attention to Changbin. “So, I’m assuming you two are a thing?”

Changbin just nodded, the arm around your waist tightening while you just scooted closer to him. “Yeah, she couldn’t resist my Hufflepuff charms.” Your arm came around to lightly smack his stomach, all of your friends laughing as you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah I couldn’t resist the plant nerd.” You patted his stomach where you hit him just seconds earlier. All your friends laughed again, and you felt a soft vibration of Changbin chuckling as well. You were so glad your friends liked him and got along with him, and you were glad that you had decided to give him a chance.

You looked up at Changbin, finding his nose scrunched up in a fake pout and you gave him a quick peck on the cheek to try and satiate him. When you pulled away you saw Jisung push his palms into his cheeks, a loud “awe” sounding throughout the room as he looked between you. Although your cheeks lit up, you stuck your tongue out at Jisung. “You’re just mad I didn’t need you as my wingman.”

“If I was your wingman you two would have been together for a year by now.” Jisung dodged your hand coming across the table, holding his hands up in fake defeat. “Well you are very cute together, like I said before break but of course some people just don’t appreciate genius.” He shook his head, looking down at his hands and then leaning back to pet his owl in its cage. 

You decided not to argue anymore, instead just listening to your friends tell their stories of Christmas spent with family. Changbin’s hand stayed firmly on your waist, his cheek resting on your shoulder. Sometimes he would interject with a statement or a joke and you smiled at how perfect he fit into the group. 

The warmth that you noticed at the beginning of the break when you first saw Changbin was still there, but instead of a burning heat it was a comforting warmth that filled your whole body to the tips of your fingers and toes. It was like you didn’t have to worry about being cold ever again when Changbin was around, even if you weren’t touching him, just him looking at you made you begin to heat up. 

You could have almost fallen asleep there at the table with your head resting on your hand, but you fought against it, trying to stay active in the conversation while also enjoying just being close to him until you had to eventually separate and go to your own Common Rooms.

You knew when you got back to your Common Room that Jisung and Luna would bombard you with questions, and you were happy to answer them. Through the break you had the best time ever, and you were going to have to thank Jisung for telling you that you should have fun, because that’s exactly what you did, and in the process you found someone that made you feel a comfortable warmth that you couldn’t describe but you loved. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Changbin whispered in your ear while Jisung and Seungmin argued over some sort of history fact.

Looking up at him, you smiled, fighting the urge to press your lips to his again and again. Instead, a simple answer came to mind, and you spoke just as softly as he did, not wanting anyone else to hear. It was what you were thinking about since you met Changbin, and every day since then. It was what you thought in the morning and at night and every second in between. It was a simple answer, but you knew it would get the message across.

“You.”

[unibrowzz]

Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part IV: The 1980s

Ah yes, the 80s. One of my favourite decades for music overall, and one of the only decades in Eurovision where I wouldn’t immediately jump at the chance to change most of the songs that won, the other decade being the 2000s. 

But at least with the 80s there was more quality songs per year, whereas the 2000s was mostly drivel.

I also count the 80s as being somewhat of a turning point in the contest’s history, and by that I mean it always seemed to me like it was the decade where the UK really began to stop caring. Most people know the song that won in 1985, but nobody knows what won in 1986. Everyone knows Johnny Logan won twice, but couldn’t name his second song. Everyone knows Celine Dion competed, but can’t remember if she won or what she sang. 

That and countries also started experimenting with more modern sounds and outfits towards the end. The early 80s is just an extension of the 70s I swear. 

But that’s enough of all that, how do I find the winning songs?

1980- What’s Another Year?

Country: Ireland

Artist: Johnny Logan 

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the song that makes every 50something woman in the UK and Ireland all doey-eyed and rosy cheeked as they remember back to when they were a teenager watching this on TV and drooling at the lovely looking sad Irishman singing his sorrows into the microphone.  Or that’s my experience with this song anyway. Another experience is that most vintage fans I know tend to dislike this song on the grounds of it beating out [insert song here] Everyone has their favourite from 1980 since it was honestly a pretty strong year, but even though this song isn’t my first place for that year I can still clearly see why it won. See, 1980 had a lot of pop songs, so a slow, sad song like this one was bound to stand out, whether it was popular or not. Luckily for this one, it turned out to be a popular choice. Other songs wouldn’t be so lucky… Back on track though. Like I said, this is a very sad and melancholy song with sad and melancholy lyrics, which not only made it stand out in its year, but also made it stand out amongst other Eurovision songs of its time. It’s strange to think, but at this point in the contest’s history there hadn’t been a winner with lyrics so solemn and personal. See, in modern Eurovision, every other song is the artist baring their soul about their horrible ex-boyfriend, or their depression, or past abuse, or whatever, so knowing there was a period where songs like that were so rare is just… surreal to me.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Greece tbh, I don’t mind this one

If no, what is? Greece- Anna Vissi- “Autostop”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 23rd

1981: Making Your Mind Up

Country: United Kingdom

Artist: Bucks Fizz

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the UK winner that nobody really likes, but the BBC still forces at us anyway because they’re proud they came up with a gimmick that everybody remembers. Or maybe it’s not that well remembered, but nobody would know that because we’re reminded of it every year. This song is… alright. Just alright. The first listen of this one is always the best, because after a while it just gets kind of annoying. The singing ESPECIALLY starts to grate you for a while. Even in the studio version the two girls sound unbearably shrill and whiny, and I’m not sure if that’s their fault or the songwriter’s (since if I remember correctly only one of them was a professional singer). I’m seriously convinced there’s no way for a female vocalist to pull this off without sounding terrible.  Again, this one’s perfectly fine and serviceable, but that doesn’t mask the fact it’s still the worst UK winner and the worst winner of the 1980s too. 

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Portugal- Carlos Paião- “Playback”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 58th

1982: Ein Bißchen Frieden

Country: West Germany

Artist: Nicole

Language: German (Translation: “A little peace”)

Thoughts: This song gives me a really warm, nostalgic feeling, and I don’t know why. I mean, I know this one did well internationally, so it’s possible I just heard it as a kid, but given how I grew up in the early 2000s, “Eurovision is a shitty freak show full of weirdos from the USSR who gang up on the UK and don't vote for us on purpose” era Britain, that’s highly unlikely. Anyways, this is such a warm, fuzzy kind of song. It has a lovely… round-the-campfire, singalong kind of vibe, like this is meant to be sung by a load of long haired hippies with flowers in their hair and CND symbols drawn on their cheeks. And it’s… … Also kind of bland. If you’ve been reading my personal winners so far, you’ll have noticed I definitely have a soft spot for old German entries, so it’s a shame I find the one song they actually won with to be so… generic. It’s like they got tired of being unique so decided to send the same saccharine fluff everyone else was sending, and guess what, it paid off majorly, because this song was a huge hit at the time. Something about that kind of bothers me, like, out of all the entries they sent, it’s the one that’s the most “Eurovision-y” that ended up winning. And there’s something depressing in that.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? United Kingdom- Bardo- “One Step Further”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 50th

1983: Si la vie est Cadeau

Country: Luxembourg

Artist: Corinne Hermés

Language: French (Translation: “If life were a gift”)

Thoughts: You want a tip on how to stand out amongst Eurovision fans? Say you like this song. Probably won’t make you very popular, but you’ll stand out at least. I will confess, I, too, was part of the hate-wagon for this song. Like most fans I knew, I’d complain about how boring and uninteresting it was and how it, ahem, “robbed” so many other entries, and how basic it was, et cetera, et cetera. But… honestly? It’s not even that bad. Sure I had other favourites from 1983 (the ones I could stand watching anyway, the host that year was so unimaginably terrible I gave up watching halfway through. I DARE you to watch the whole thing without wanting to neck yourself), but this song gets way more hate than it deserves. I honestly don’t think this song is half as bad as I made it out to be myself, or as bad as the fandom makes it out to be. It’s got a decent melody, some solid vocals, some appealingly 80s instrumental, like there’s a lot I like here. …Until you read the lyrics and realise they’re almost as half-assed and lazy as All Kinds of Everything’s, but I digress. Did I prefer other songs from that year? Of course. Am I going to complain about this one winning? Nah. It’s alright. 

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Sweden- Carola Häggkvist- “Främling”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 41st

1984- Diggiloo, Diggiley

Country: Sweden

Artist: Herreys

Language: Swedish

Thoughts: Whenever I was a younger fan I used to describe this song as being drunk-dad-at-a-wedding-music performed by three sentient Ken dolls, and I still stand by that statement. And I don’t really know how else to describe this one. It certainly has its charm, and it’s still a likeable song, but it also feels very… vapid. Like if this song were a person, they’d be a bit of a bimbo. And I mean, the song’s about how the singer’s oh-so-happy and prancing down the street in his brand new shoes, so that’s probably a fair description. Part of me wonders if that’s down to old Eurovision songs being vapid in general or if it’s down to the schlager genre itself requiring songs to be kinda neutered and happy-go-lucky, but even though I do like this song, it does come off as being a bit bland. A bit by-the-numbers and playing-it-safe. And I don’t mind songs like that, but I’d rather they didn’t win, y’know?

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Italy- Alice & Franco- “Il Treni di Tozeur”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 15th

1985- La det Swinge

Country: Norway

Artist: Bobbysocks

Language: Norwegian

Thoughts: Ah yes, the song which finally hauled Norway into first place after years of being a regular last-placer. Maybe the UK should take some notes instead of blaming Brexit. Or Russia. Or Iraq. Or anything other than their own apathy, for that matter. But this is about La det Swinge and not the UK, so what are my thoughts on it? Well it’s… It’s the kind of song I imagine my mom and aunt would sing at a wedding if they ever attended one. It’s a very fun song, a little cheesy, sure, but it’s hard to not like a song that’s this upbeat and cheery.  And yeah I know it’s because it’s schlager and that’s generally a really cheerful genre by default, I touched on that in the review above, 

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Israel

If no, what is? Israel- Yizhar Cohen- “Olé Olé”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 14th

1986- J’aime la Vie

Country: Belgium

Artist: Sandra Kim

Language: French

Thoughts: This song is an enigma because I’m an absolute slut for 80s pop, yet, for some reason, I find this song painfully average and uninteresting. Now, I’ll get it off my chest and say that 1986 was also a painfully average and uninteresting year, and most of the time I just felt myself remembering the singer more than the song, and even then I struggle to remember what some of the acts even were. It was just such a boring blur of a year I’m surprised the juries even managed to stay awake to pick a winner. And I GUESS you could argue that this song is so upbeat and peppy that it woke them up, but that doesn’t excuse how bloody generic it is. Like, this is the most generic 80s song you can imagine, and not in a good way. It feels more like stock music than an actual publicly released pop song. Had it not won, I doubt it would’ve stood out to me at all; it would’ve just faded into the background with all the other muted, 80s-coloured mush from this year. Basically, there’s a reason the singer’s age is the only thing noteworthy about this song.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Luxembourg- Sherisse Laurence- “L’amour de ma vie”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 49th

1987- Hold me Now

Country: Ireland

Artist: Johnny Logan 

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the superior Johnny Logan winner.  And I’m not sure why everyone forgets this one because Mother of Mercy this song is in another league entirely compared to the other schlock Ireland’s won with. Like this is their best winner, no competition. One of their best songs overall as well. One of the best entries from the 80s, one of the best winners of the 80s, one of the best winners… Yeah, I really like this song.  I’ll admit to sleeping on this one for too long myself, always dismissing it as some boring Irish ballad to go with all the other boring Irish ballads they somehow managed to win with (we’ll get to that later), and always agreeing with people who said XYZ country (always Yugolslavia) should have won instead.  Basically I learnt the hard way to never judge a song on its country and genre. But one day I found myself in the midst of a revisiting trip, going back to winners I didn't pay much attention to, just to see if there was anything I’d missed the first time round. And something about the lyrics in this song resonated with me a lot more than I thought they would. In a strange way, it made me feel older; like I’d grown up and was able to relate to the words in a song and appreciate it more than I could when I was younger. The line “what do you say when words are not enough?” especially hits harder than it should; as someone with autism I tend to find showing emotions difficult, even in virtual conversation where I’m not using my voice or face, because… Well, what do you say when your words aren’t enough?

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 2nd

1988- Ne Partez pas Sans Moi

Country: Switzerland 

Artist: Céline Dion 

Language: French

Thoughts: Telling people Céline Dion won this thing is a new favourite hobby of mine, just to see the confused reaction. And that’s the most interesting thing about this song because it’s… fine, I guess? It’s a perfectly serviceable 80s power ballad, but there’s no bells and whistles to make me sit up and declare it any better than just “okay”. It’s basically the ballad equivalent of J’aime la Vie from 1986, in that it’s extremely 80s and also in French, but there’s nothing to make it that memorable aside from the singer herself. And even then this isn’t the song that made her famous anyway. Even her singing doesn't make this one stand out, partially because the song doesn't do anything special with it, and partially because she just blends in with all the other good singers of this era. And that’s kinda sad to think about.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Hmmm....

If no, what is? Greece- Afroditi Frida- “Clown”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 22nd

1989- Rock Me

Country: Yugoslavia

Artist: Riva

Language: Croatian

Thoughts: So this is another song it really took me a while to get into (there’s lots of those, trust me) and one that was very briefly in my top three overall favourites. It’s slid down a few slots since then, though I would still say it’s… Somewhere in the top 15.  I don’t really have a lot to say about this one, if I’m honest. It’s just a good, fun, solid song which stood out in a very dull and ballad-saturated year, nothing more, nothing less. The lyrics are nice too, being about a bored musician who learns to love music again by teaching himself how to play pop songs to entertain his friends. That’s a unique subject and I can imagine it resonating with a lot of people who’ve fallen out with a hobby they used to love because they took it too seriously (providing they either speak Croatian or have looked up the lyrics, of course). I mean, it resonates with me at least. All in all, I just like this song for its message more than anything else.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Portugal- Da Vinci- “Conquistador”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 9th

[pendragonsandbuckleys]

hold me like the moon holds onto the tide (3/3)

Summary: Kidnapped and locked in a cell with no escape. Alex and Michael are faced with an ex-Caulfield employee who is prepared to do anything to get alien powers of his own. (Inspired by the Daisy/Sousa scenes in Agents of Shield 7x06)

Word Count: 3,804

[Also on AO3]  [Part One] [Part Two]

“What about the time he tripped over your guitar and smashed his head into the table?” Flint leaned back as he spoke. The hard plastic of the chair was digging into his back and it squeaked as he tried to get comfortable.

He’d never liked hospitals. The strong antiseptic smell that seemed to linger in the air. The rush of people in the day and the quiet hallways at night. The big scary words that made no sense but always seemed to mean something bad. The unnatural mix of cleanliness and death.

He didn’t mind them so much when he was younger. His mother had always told him that they were hopeful places, where illnesses were cured and lives were saved. Thinking back, it was probably just her protective way of trying to calm his nerves whenever a grandparent was sick.

But at that age, her positive nature imbued in him a childish hope that the doctors would be able to help his brother. That soon they would realise that that many broken bones and bruised ribs a year was so much more than just a clumsy child falling off his bike or losing his grip whilst climbing a tree.

He couldn’t remember when he’d stopped wishing for someone to work it out and just accepted that no one would. It was probably around the same time he’d stopped accompanying his brother on his too frequent visits and had left that responsibility for someone else.

The last time he had actually stepped foot inside a hospital was after his unfortunate accident during CrashCon. Healing up in the unwelcoming, lonely hospital room for a week wasn’t fun but at least he hadn’t needed to worry about the condition of anyone else during that time.

No, the last time he’d been on the waiting for news end was during his last tour when several members of his team had been seriously injured.

Until now. Which is why part of him was glad that he wasn’t alone in his vigil.

“He must have been about eight, right?”

“Oh my god, there was blood everywhere!” Gregory grimaced as he looked over at him, horrified that his brother was even bringing up that memory.

Flint laughed softly at how uncomfortable the recollection had clearly made his brother, ”You felt so guilty! I don’t think you even got your guitar out of its case for months afterwards.”

Gregory shook his head, a smile playing on his lips. He wasn’t sure when this game between them of who had the most embarrassing moments had just straight up turned into a list of which brother had managed to injure another the most.

It was true though. He hadn’t slept properly for days after that incident. Every time he had closed his eyes he had seen Alex’s poor little face covered in blood and tears and snot and he’d felt the guilt brewing inside him. He had avoided the guitar out of fear that he would somehow manage to wound his brother with it again.

To this day he still makes sure that the instrument is kept off the floor.

“You know, growing up, I think that was the last time he was in the hospital where it wasn’t dad that put him there.” He replied sombrely.

Flint hummed in response. He had run out of words to say on that subject. It was a topic that had slipped frequently into discussions between the two of them during their months of reconciliation and it always ended in the acknowledgement of their guilt and desire to do better.

Gregory pressed the heel of his hand into his eye. It had been a long day and he could feel the hours catching up with him. “I really hoped I would never have to see him in a hospital again.”

"Were you there after he lost his leg?” Flint asked.

“No, I didn’t even know it had happened ’til months later. Did you?”

”No. I think Dad went though.”

“Seriously?”

Flint nodded with an unamused look on his face.

“Why? It’s not like he went to go play the loving father.” Gregory asked, genuinely confused as to why his dad would even bother to take the time to go and see Alex.

Flint shook his head as he repositioned himself again. At this rate he was honestly considering going on a hunt for a pillow. “That man didn’t know the first thing about being a loving father.”

Gregory’s brows furrowed as he failed to hide his surprise at that statement. The expression was so familiar and Flint couldn’t hold back an exasperated eye roll.

“Don’t give me that look, I may have followed in his footsteps but I know exactly what kind of man he was.”

Gregory watched as his brother played with the cuff of his jacket, his thumb and forefinger running along the edge before tugging uselessly at the material. It was a nervous habit that he’d always thought their father had managed to train out of Flint.

“Do you regret it? Following him?” He asked delicately, noticing how Flint’s eyes remained trained on his sleeve as he answered.

“We all followed him.”

“Into the military, yeah, we didn’t exactly have a choice. But on his little homicidal mission? The rest of us hopped that train before it reached the station.”

“Umm more like he didn’t even invite you onto the train. You have no idea what you would have done.” Flint replied defensively and Gregory was caught off guard by how much the look in Flint’s eyes reminded him of their mother.

“Pretty sure I wouldn’t have done that.” He teased, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah alright, well I’ve apologised, okay?” Flint rolled his eyes again as he leant over and gave his brother a playful shove.

Their conversation fell into a comfortable silence as their gaze drew back to the third presence in the room.

Alex hadn’t woken since Flint had found him but in the hours since they had brought him to the hospital his cheeks had gained more colour and he looked to be resting more peacefully.

Clean bandages hugged his various wounds, several IVs were in place to begin replenishing what Hughes had stolen and now all they needed was for him to wake up.

It was strange watching their brother sleep. The last time they would have had the chance was when they were all living under the same roof together, but Alex was always so guarded back then with their father in the house that he would never allow himself to be seen in such a vulnerable state. Starting after their mum had left, Greg could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Alex sleep and they’d all been due to illness or injury.

The hospital ambience of the room, along with Greg’s wandering mind, was interrupted by a text alert on Flint’s phone. He slid his hand into his front pocket and pulled out the device, unlocking it with a quick tap of four digits. He opened the message and Greg watched as his eyes scanned the words.

“It’s Clay. He says he’s glad we found him and to keep him updated.”

Greg’s eyes crinkled slightly as he smiled. It had been a long while since he’d seen Clay in person but he was glad to hear that their brother was also onboard for acting like a family again. “Who would have thought it. It only took us until our thirties but we’re all finally learning how to be brothers again.”

Flint opened his mouth, ready to give a sappy reply about how he much he’d missed the bond they’d all had during childhood, when a small groan from the bed caught his attention.

Alex’s brow was furrowed as he poked his tongue through his lips slightly - a tiny habit that Greg could recall seeing him do all the time when he was younger. After a few moments his eyes blinked open as he let out another involuntary groan.

Greg couldn’t help but grin as he watched Alex slowly register his surroundings. Being closer to the top of the bed than Flint, he leant forward and gently placed a comforting hand on Alex’s arm.

“Hey.” He whispered, keeping his voice low as to not startle his brother.

Alex turned his head slightly, his unfocused eyes drifting to the left as he followed the sudden sound. “Hey,” he replied, his words slow and soft. “You’re here?”

“Of course we’re here.” Greg began to rub his thumb back and forth along Alex’s arm in a soothing gesture. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.”

Greg was unsurprised at the answer. Alex’s eyes were already struggling to stay open. “Go back to sleep Alex. You’re safe now.”

Alex had only allowed his eyes to close again fully for a moment before they were flying open again, Michael’s name being drawn from his lips with a gasp.

Greg continued the soothing motion, bringing Alex’s gaze back to him. “He’s fine, he’s okay. He’ll probably be here the next time you wake up.”

Alex nodded as he let his body relax once more and drifted back to sleep.

Greg looked over to Flint to find him wearing a matching smile, nodding to himself in an unspoken acknowledgement. Alex was going to be okay.

-

The door to Alex’s room opened carefully.

Michael had noticed that the lights inside had been dimmed so he hadn’t wanted to wake anyone, though he was wholly unsurprised to find Greg and Flint watching him with raised eyebrows as he entered.

“Thought you were gonna try and get some sleep?” Flint asked in near amusement.

“I did get some sleep.”

Greg tilted his head sympathetically. “Michael, you’ve been gone barely an hour.”

Michael shrugged as he took a seat in the one remaining chair on the other side of the bed, “No one specified how much sleep.”

He had tried to get some rest but every time he closed his eyes it was like there was an invisible string yanking him back to the hospital.

Isobel had taken him home as soon as Kyle had assured them all that, in time, Alex would be fine. She had spent the drive spouting on and on about how he had been through as much of an ordeal as Alex had and he needed to rest and look after himself. Or at least let someone else look after him.

The words had been left hanging in the air between them for a good few minutes before he had fully registered her kindness. And then he had just felt a horrible pang of guilt deep in his stomach. Guilt that her compassion and protectiveness didn’t quite warm his heart as much as Alex’s had.

So he listened to her. He ate the small plate of food she had lovingly made for him. He drank the hot cup of tea that burnt his tongue. He showered, letting the scolding water wash away the overwhelming fear that had been building up inside him ever since he first woke up with his hands chained to a wall. And then he crawled into Isobel’s bed and tried to ignore the nervous energy that was still sitting heavily on his chest.

And he had slept a little, he wasn’t lying about that, but it was like his brain knew that there was somewhere else he should be and he just couldn’t take it any longer.

“How’s he doing?” He tugged at his bottom lip as he observed Alex’s still sleeping face.

“Better.” Greg nodded, taking a moment to hide a yawn with his hand. “The doctor came back while you were gone. Said he’s probably gonna be quite weak and achy for a few days at least. But the transfusions are helping and he should be fine.”

Michael ran a hand through his curls. It wasn’t much more information than Kyle had provided earlier but to hear that nothing had gone wrong in his brief absence was relieving.

“He woke up not too long ago.” Greg continued and Michael looked at him, somewhat horrified that Alex had woken without him. It must have shown on his face.

“Calm down Guerin,” Flint snorted, “it was for like thirty seconds, he probably won’t even remember it.”

Michael could practically feel the heat crawling up his cheeks. No matter how protective and borderline possessive he felt of Alex at the moment, it was still embarrassing for anyone but himself to be aware of that fact.

“No it’s good, I’m glad he’s okay.” Michael coughed as he tried to deflect the conversation.

But Greg seemed to know how to catch him off guard all of a sudden as he turned it back onto him. “And how are you feeling?”

Michael took a few seconds to process the fact that Alex’s brother seemed genuinely concerned in his questioning.

“I’m fine, my powers are back and everything.” He replied warily. With Jesse Manes gone, he knew that he wasn’t in any danger from anyone currently in the room, but it still felt strange talking about his alien abilities to any Manes man that wasn’t Alex. “I could probably do with a bit more sleep before I try to use them, but whatever Hughes did to me has worn off.”

“That’s good that it wasn’t permanent. We’ll still go through all the data that Hughes managed to collate though and find out exactly how much he knew.” Flint said strategically and Michael could practically see the mental to-do list he was creating in his head. “And as long as you’re aware that you should be sleeping, I think our job here is done.”

Greg smirked at his brother’s comment. It was very clear that getting Michael to rest was a battle they were not going to win tonight.

“Talking of sleep, you know you two look worse than I do and I was literally being held hostage a few hours ago. If you want to head home for a bit I can stay with Alex.” Michael said innocently as he watched Greg yawn once again.

“Greg, I think that’s code for he wants some alone time with our little brother.” Flint mocked in a hushed tone.

“Hmm I think you’re right Flint.” Greg joined in, watching as Michael’s eyes widened as he spluttered in defence. “Or do you think maybe it’s just our company he doesn’t like?”

“Oh definitely. He’s been waiting for the moment to get rid of us.”

“We must have done something really wrong considering the person he wants to be left with is still asleep right now.”

“That is so true Greg. I mean he’s clearly desperate so we should probably leave now before we make it even worse.”

Michael rolled his eyes as he failed to control his smile. It was a display of brotherly mocking that he never imagined he would ever experience from someone other than Max and Isobel and as embarrassing as it was, it was somewhat heartening to be on the receiving end of it.

Flint chuckled as he stood, his back instantly grateful to be out of the chair, and he took one last look at Alex before leading the way to the door.

“Text us if you need anything, okay?” Greg placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder as he passed him and squeezed reassuringly.

Michael nodded as he watched them leave, afraid to open his mouth incase no words came out around the sudden lump that had formed in his throat. Having seen the hateful side of the Manes men in action, there was something so heartwarming about seeing Alex’s brothers actually be brothers. And to be included in the familiarity was a whole new feeling entirely.

-

Michael looked out at the stars shining through the window. The lights were still dimmed which allowed the moonlight to fill the room around him with a soft, pale glow.

He still remembered all of the constellations that he had taught himself as a kid, back when he was so desperate to soar high into the sky to join them. Back when he’d give anything to find his home planet again.

But looking into the glimmering darkness now, he couldn’t remember how long it had been since he’d stared at the night sky in search of the home he was unwillingly torn away from.

In fact he couldn’t quite remember how long it had been since home, for him, had started to be a person again.

Michael made no attempt to stifle a yawn as he rubbed at his eyes. They were aching terribly and he could feel his body hopelessly crying for sleep but there was no way he was leaving until Alex was awake.

As if on cue, a small noise from beside him shook him out of his doziness.

He watched Alex’s throat bob as he swallowed reflexively before slowly blinking open his eyes.

“Hey,” Michael whispered. His voice so soft the word barely left his mouth.

Alex’s eyes wandered momentarily, seeking out the owner of the voice. Once his gaze locked with Michael’s, all Alex could do was stare, a small smile emerging as he took in Michael’s presence. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Michael looked at him tenderly as he leant forward and laced his fingers with Alex’s. A somewhat casually intimate move that he didn’t regret in the slightest. “And so are you.”

Alex looked down at the touch and relished in the warmth of Michael’s skin against his. The act of their hands together feeling so natural.

“How are you feeling?” Michael asked, his tired eyes looking longingly into Alex’s.

“Sore.” Alex replied and Michael couldn’t hold back the huff of laughter.

“Well, that’s what happens when you offer yourself up to be a guinea pig for a crazy psychopath.”

Alex playfully rolled his eyes at the accusation. He could practically feel his head pounding in time with his heart but he did his best to ignore it. He’d willingly accept the throbbing of his muscles and the coldness in his bones right now if it allowed him to just stay in this moment.

A few aches and pains were worth it. He was just glad to be alive.

“Did he hurt you?” He asked, enjoying the way the moonlight was shinning on Michael’s curls.

“No, he didn’t touch me.” Michael assured him, “Isobel, Flint and Kyle got us out before he could do anything else.”

“How did they find us?”

“Turns out Sanders was still at the junkyard. Luckily he managed to catch the tail end of our little kidnapping so he called Isobel who called everyone and they spent the entire night trying to figure out who had taken us.”

Michael still couldn’t believe the luck they’d been in that the old man had chosen that night to stay late. They may never have been found if he hadn’t.

“Flint went to the bunker to look for possible alien connections when he found emails between Hughes and your dad. He recognised the name as someone he worked with in Caulfield so he followed the trail and it led him to us.”

Alex added another bullet point to his mental Project Shepard to-do list. If thoroughly digging into every email on the bunker’s computers was what was needed to prevent Michael being targeted again, then so be it.

“Of course he won’t tell me how it led him to us. It seems that’s classified.” Michael brought up the hand not holding Alex’s to do some one-sided air quotes.

“What about Hughes and his men?”

Michael shrugged, “Dealt with, apparently. Your brother is very secretive when he wants to be.”

“Must be a Manes thing.” Alex smirked sleepily.

“They were here earlier by the way. Flint and Gregory. They would have stayed but I used my charm to convince them that you’d much prefer to see my face over their’s any day.”

Michael winked at him and Alex felt butterflies. “Always.”

Michael gazed down at their locked fingers as he slowly ran his thumb up and down in a comforting gesture. He knew what he wanted to say next, but the words just felt so big and he needed to get them right.

“You shouldn’t have protected me like that. And I shouldn’t have let you.” He began sincerely.

“Michael-”

“But I’m grateful that you did.”

Alex’s lips parted but he couldn’t find the right words quick enough.

“We need to talk. Like properly talk. But what happened today, it made me realise how stupid it is to not be honest about how I feel.” Michael looked up and could see how intently Alex was listening. His beautiful brown eyes eager and hopeful.

“I can use as many excuses as I like. How we’re not good for each other. How it’s not our time right now. But you almost died, Alex. And if you had, it would have killed me. And if you had gone not knowing how much I care about you.” Michael shook his head as he looked away. The lump forming in his throat again. “I’m completely and totally in love with you Alex Manes. Always have been, always will. I can’t run away from it anymore and I’m done hiding it.”

Alex bit his lip as he felt the tears start to form in his eyes. He had been waiting to hear those words for so long.

He had been waiting to say them for even longer.

“I’ll never stop protecting you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate that before. I’m sorry I’ve pushed you away in the past and I’m sorry that I wasn’t ready. But I’m ready now.” Alex grinned, almost giddy at the declaration, “I love you Michael Guerin. Always have, always will.”

Michael could feel his heart hammering in his chest as his breath caught in his throat. He pursed his lips in an attempt to curb the ridiculous grin that was threatening to unfurl.

He gently unlaced his fingers, pushed himself out of the chair and leant over to delicately cup Alex’s cheeks, feeling the cool skin under his palms.

As dramatic love declarations go, tonights was pretty remarkable. But maybe it was exactly what they needed. They were here, they were alive and they were in love. That was the truth, spoken aloud with only the stars as their witness and there was no taking it back.

And Michael didn’t want to wait a second longer as he closed his eyes and met Alex’s lips with his own.

It was a gentle kiss. Slow and sweet and just as perfect as he remembered it being.

It was home.

[t0ngue-tech]

All Yours | Seven

“’Was I not enough for you…?’

Seolhyun parted her lips but hesitated to say anything. She also dropped her head, possibly trying to get everything in her mind organized.

‘Yoongi, I’m so sorry.’ She said sadly.”

↠fluff, angst, universityAU↞

word count: 4.5k

↠series: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ↞

A/N: yall idk what’s gotten into me. i literally just uploaded a story and here i am with the update of all yours lmao. tbh ive also been working on this chapter for a while so tyj i finished it huhu. enjoy ^-^

-

-

-

“Come on, Yoongi. Just text her.” You stood in front of your mirror and adjusted your hoodie.

From the moment you woke up, had a cup of coffee, took a shower, and changed into an outfit, Yoongi spent the entire time debating if he really wanted to text Seolhyun. You agreed to go with him to see her because it was his stipulation, but he was the one hesitating.

“You know what, maybe I don’t need closure. It’s all good.” Yoongi placed his phone on your nightstand and laid back down.

“Ugh. Yoongs.” You grumbled and strode over to sit beside him. “Sure you may not need closure, but I know deep down you want to talk about your feelings. You don’t deserve to be cheated on—nobody does. Please text her.”

Yoongi glared at you for a few seconds before he softened his eyes. He mumbled something along the lines of I hate it when you’re right and reached for his phone but took a detour to grab your hand first.

“So, you promise you’re going to come with me? You’re not going to flake out?” He kept his eyes on your fingers as you lazily grazed the back of his hand.

Could he get any more adorable?

“I promise.” You replied earnestly. “But I start work at three today, so keep that in mind.”

Yoongi squeezed your hand and locked eyes with you. Never in your life did you ever picture yourself to be in this position. He held your hands before, mainly to guide you around places when you were extremely drunk but nothing like this. Yoongi had a sweet look in his eye with a smile to match and you were so sure you were dreaming. Yoongi was perfect. Why would Seolhyun want to cheat on him in the first place?

“Okay. Now, go to class.” Yoongi lifted your hand and kissed it. Your cheeks flared a bit and you probably failed to hide the disappointment in him not kissing you on your lips instead.

“Fine. But go outside and take a walk,” you gave him your dorm key. “You need some sunlight.”

After listening to Yoongi’s bullshit excuse about how sunlight was never necessary for him in the first place, you left his side to slip on your sneakers.

Why can’t time just fast forward to later? I just want Yoongi and Seolhyun to meet already so it can all be over with and done. How am I supposed to even focus in class?!

“Wait.”

Yoongi’s voice broke your thoughts and you stood up from your floor. He scooped you by your waist to press your body against his before stealing a long kiss on your lips. You felt your entire body relax and you clutched onto his nape to support yourself.

“You may have more knowledge about people’s behaviors and shit, but I know you well enough that you were waiting for that, right?” Yoongi said with a smirk after breaking the kiss. Your face bloomed crimson and you playfully shoved him a few inches away from you.

“Bye, Yoongi.” You walked away from him with bliss coursing through you and just before you stepped out of your dorm, you caught the satisfied grin on Yoongi’s face.

↠↞

I will die in this developmental psychology class, I swear.

Time in your psychology class always ticked on like you had nothing else planned for the day. You jotted down chicken scratch notes, promising yourself to fix them up when you had time later; thank goodness your professor put up the lecture slides at 7pm on the same day of class. You began to mindlessly doodle at the bottom of your paper.

So many things could go wrong later.

Three stick figures were drawn at the bottom; one with a crude drawing of a beanie, one with hair just below its “shoulders”, and one with long hair blacked out with your pen. You drew scribbles of symbols around the drawing of the figure with long hair indicating how pissed off Seolhyun would be if she saw you two together.

Ugh. I can hear her voice now.

“Why did you bring her?”

“Unless you were cheating on me first!”

You scribbled all over the drawing and turned over the page.

The same stick figures were drawn at the top this time and instead of symbols, you drew tears coming from the figure with long hair and hearts around the beanie figure; Seolhyun would be in tears, apologizing and begging Yoongi for forgiveness and he would play right into her and fall in love all over again.

This time, you fiercely scribbled over the drawing.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Like clockwork, you drew the stick figures. Hearts were drawn around the beanie and medium haired figures while the last one had a giant X covering its face; Seolhyun is completely cut out of the picture and forced to watch how lovey-dovey you and Yoongi were.

This drawing caused your face to heat up a little. There was no way Yoongi would show any affection towards you in front of her because he wasn’t the type to purposely make matters worse.

One last time the figures were drawn back onto your paper and this time, you drew speech bubbles with squiggly lines inside that ended with periods and a few exclamation points. The most likely scenario would be a calm conversation with a few outbursts between Yoongi and Seolhyun. The last thing anyone would want is making a huge scene in front of everyone—

Wait, I don’t even know where they’re meeting!

[10:32] You: hey, where are you two going to have this conversation anyway??????????

Yoongi’s reply came through like lightning.

[10:33] Yoongz: You know the benches outside of the library?

[10:33] Yoongz: There.

Great. We’re going to be in public…

His texts didn’t stop there.

[10:35] Yoongz: I told her to meet me at 11:15 so that you have time to be here before she comes.

[10:35] Yoongz: I’ll be wearing the light brown coat you gave me for my birthday and the blue beanie you hate so much

[10:36] Yoongz: You’ll be able to find me pretty easily.

That damn beanie.

The mental image of Yoongi in the blue beanie made you snicker, but you quickly cleared your throat realizing you were in class laughing to yourself like an idiot.

[10:40] You: okay. i’ll see you then

[10:40] You: fuk that beanie doe omfg.

↠↞

“So you’re seriously going to be there? With Yoongi and Seolhyun? Possibly arguing in front of you? Right in front of your salad?!”

Walking to the library, you gave Hani a quick call to update her with everything that had happened since you told her about Seolhyun cheating on Yoongi.

“Yes, right in front of my salad.” You laughed. “To be honest, I’m kind of scared. Like why did Yoongi have to say he kissed me! Actually… I don’t know what would be worse, her knowing the truth or his lie.”

“Either way she’s going to raise hell, but if you need me, you call and I’ll come running!”

You smiled softly. Hani was serious in the most endearing way possible.

“I know—” Yoongi’s blue beanie stood out at a table underneath one of the large trees. “Yoongi’s there. I’ll call you later Hani or better yet, I work at three so you can come to the coffee shop anytime after that and I’ll update you on what happens.”

“Okay. Be safe. I love you!”

“I love you, too.”

You took a deep breath and approached Yoongi who had two cups of coffee and two sandwiches sitting in front of him. As much as you hated that damn beanie, he still looked as handsome as ever.

“Hi, Yoongs.” You smiled.

Yoongi instantly smiled at the sight of you. “Hey—no, sit by me.” He reached for your hand to stop you from sitting across from him and tugged you over to sit beside him instead.

The action startled you and almost made you lose your footing, but Yoongi supported you by the waist to let you sit down without injury.

“Th-Thanks.” You stuttered.

“Oh, here you go by the way.” He handed you a paper gift bag that he probably stole from your closet. “You left your work shirt and shoes. There’s also a water bottle in here because you need actual hydration and not just coffee swimming throughout your bloodstream.”

Everything he mentioned was sitting neatly inside the bag and your smile was impossible to hide. You’ve been nervous and jittery about meeting with Seolhyun that you completely forgot about your work clothes. Yoongi was a life saver.

“Thank you, Yoongi.” You breathed.

“Of course. Now eat, you didn’t even have breakfast this morning.”

As you had brunch, you spent the time complaining to Yoongi about how developmental psychology makes you want to jab multiple pens in your eyes. He argued that you say that about every class you have and even flicked your forehead.

“You’re doing great though, so keep on keepin’ on.” Yoongi rubbed the spot he flicked with the pad of his thumb.

You felt the weight of your school work elevate at the touch of his finger. Yoongi had the power to relieve any stress that you had in the palm of his hand and it amazed you. Maybe this was just the effect of you being whipped for him for almost a year. It sounded pathetic, but you enjoyed it nonetheless.

“A-hem.”

Both you and Yoongi tore your eyes away from each other to find Seolhyun standing at the opposite side of the table with her arms folded across her chest. Her eyebrows were furrowed and daggers shot from her eyes right into your own. The aura that came off of her was no less than intimidating and you felt as if your soul left your body.

Fuck.

↠↞

“What is she doing here?!” Seolhyun barked as she took a seat.

“I asked her to come so just leave her be.” Yoongi spat.

You silently observed Seolhyun’s outfit; she wore a casual black dress that stopped above mid-thigh and had a deep v-neck line. A cream cardigan hugged her frame and she even made time to put on makeup and curl your hair. If your suspicions were correct, she dressed that way on purpose to use her looks to win back Yoongi somehow. Seolhyun was honestly gorgeous which made you nervous. What if it reeled him back in? 

She cleared her throat again and avoided eye contact with Yoongi. “Thank you for meeting with me.” Her voice grew softer and softer towards the end of her sentence and she fiddled with the ends of her hair. This gave off a vulnerable look, almost “cute”. 

“Okay.” Yoongi said sharply.

The tension in the air was suffocating and all you wanted to do was run away, but Yoongi kept his hand on your knee underneath the table to keep you at bay.

“So? Anything else you need to say?” Yoongi kept the same tone of voice, annoyed. He truly didn’t want to be here.

“Sigh. I’m sorry okay? God, can we just talk without you being mad at me?!” Seolhyun raised her voice a bit.

“Of course I’m mad! How the hell am I supposed to be feeling? You cheated on me!” Yoongi raised his voice as well and you were even more nervous. You three were sitting in public with students walking by and you were praying to God that everyone was just minding their own business.

“Y-You cheated on me too! You—!” She pointed at him. “—kissed her!” Her finger was now on you.

Yoongi furrowed his brows and squeezed your knee. “Alright, fine. I kissed her once and like I said, I knew I had to tell you because I was feeling so fucking guilty about what I did. You were my girlfriend, Seolhyun! I had to be honest with you.”

Seolhyun tightly pursed her lips together, probably stopping herself from saying anything else.

“How…” Yoongi breathed. “How long have you been…”

Your eyes softened at the sight of Yoongi faltering. He didn’t want to say it. You reached beneath the table to hold that had that was on top of your knee. Instantly, you watched his shoulders relax.

“Um…” Seolhyun chewed on her bottom lip and picked at the skin around her nails. “Just-Just once..”

Bullshit.

“Don’t you think Yoongi deserves a lot more honesty that?” You boldly questioned. Talking was never part of your agenda, but it’s true, he deserved to know the truth after tearing himself apart from agonizing over his self-worth.

“Excuse me?” Seolhyun stared you down and you couldn’t back down no matter how much you wanted to.

“I–I don’t think you’re telling him the truth.” You tried to sound confident, but your stutter gave it away.

Seolhyun scoffed and crossed her arms. “Who do you think you—”

“She’s right. I don’t think you’re telling me the truth either.” Yoongi interjected. “For Seung Ho to talk to y/n about our situation kind of shows how close you two really are.”

“My thoughts exactly.” You said softly.

Seolhyun aggressively scratched the back of her head. “Ugh. Two months!” She blurted out. “Two-fucking-months! There’s the truth! Happy now?”

Your eyes widened then turned to Yoongi who was looking in Seolhyun’s direction with an empty expression. After remaining quiet for about a minute, a low chuckle pushed past his lips.

“Is that why we’ve been fighting so much lately?” There were hints of both sadness and anger in his tone. “This was why you’ve been so short with me? You would cut our dates short—it was because you would rendezvous with Seung Ho?”

“Y-Yoongi.” You whispered and gently rubbed the back of his hand, trying to calm him down.

“Do you know what the fuck I’ve been going through because of this?! I continuously questioned what I was doing wrong—was I not making you happy anymore? Did I do something to piss you off? Was I not buying you enough flowers on the weekends? Altering my class schedule to match yours wasn’t enough? Skipping class to spend time with you? I talked my friends’ ears off trying to figure out why I didn’t seem important in your eyes anymore…” Yoongi kept his head down and squeezed your hand to the point where his nails could draw blood from your skin. “Was I not enough for you…?”

Seolhyun parted her lips but hesitated to say anything. She also dropped her head, possibly trying to get everything in her mind organized.

“Yoongi, I’m so sorry.” She said sadly.

For the first time in a while, she sounded genuine.

“You were enough for me, but I—I guess… I guess I was being selfish and I wanted more.” Seolhyun lifted her eyes in search of Yoongi’s but he still kept his head down.

“You could’ve told me.” Yoongi choked out. “You could’ve talked to me about how you were feeling and maybe—maybe things could’ve worked out.”

It was your turn to lower your head. This was truly an issue between Yoongi and Seolhyun. There was no reason for you to inject yourself into the conversation anymore.

“Is there any way we could work past this?” Seolhyun asked.

Yoongi finally met her eyes. “No. No way in hell.”

He fumbled with your hand to let go and reached into his pocket to pull out his keyring and wallet. He detached Seolhyun’s dorm key and pulled out a polaroid photo of her from inside his wallet. “Here. I don’t need these anymore.”

Yoongi reached back underneath the table in search of your hand and you stealthy met him halfway.

“Please. Just go, Seolhyun. We’re done here.” Yoongi said firmly.

Seolhyun sat there for a couple seconds and then reached forward to retrieve her belongings. As she stood up from the table, she kept her eyes on Yoongi hoping he would say something else, but he remained silent. Shortly after, Seolhyun took her leave without Yoongi sparing her a single glance.

↠↞

Even with the hustle and bustle of students walking all over campus, the world had never been so quiet. Yoongi had his head down, face buried in the crook of his elbow while still holding onto your hand. You weren’t sure when was the best time to speak, so you kept quiet waiting for him to break the silence first.

It almost physically hurt staring at Yoongi. He had been bottling up so many painful emotions to the point where it almost consumed him. He didn’t deserve to go through this.

“Y/n?” Yoongi finally spoke, but the rest of his sentence was muffled behind his coat sleeve.

“I-I’m sorry, Yoongi. I can’t really hear you.”

“Thank you for coming with me.” He turned his head and made heavy eye contact with you. “Saying all those things… I don’t think I would've been able to do it on my own, but you being here gave me strength to do so.”

His words caused a noticeable blush to form on your cheeks. He chuckled and sat up straight to tuck a few of your hairs behind your ears.

“I think you have enough time left to get to your next class from here. I’ll walk you.” Yoongi lifted you up by your arm and you almost didn’t want to go to class. All you wanted was to sit around and hold his hand all day. The thought of that made you blush even more and this made Yoongi laugh a little harder. “What’s the matter with you? Come on.”

Unfortunately, Yoongi didn’t hold your hand when he walked you to class. This was probably because it felt too soon to do so in public. It’s not like he and Seolhyun were the campus couple, but people might get the wrong idea if they knew they were dating.

After the whole thing with Yoongi and Seolhyun, it made it even harder for you to concentrate. Now that they were broken up, who knows if Yoongi still had anymore underlying feelings for her. They were together for a year, so there had to be some leftover right? Plus, Yoongi made a comment the other night about how he thought about why you kissed him and that he “figured it out.” This meant a whole new conversation, a whole new reason to be nervous.

Fucking great.

This was a conversation you weren’t looking forward to. You needed to prepare yourself somehow, but it seemed like no matter how much you could mentally prepare yourself, you still wouldn’t be ready. After knowing Yoongi for roughly a little over two years and falling for him like an idiot, never in your life did you imagine him finding out about how you felt about him.

You would be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t even a little happy. You kissed Yoongi, held his hand, and even shared a bed with him with your feelings unknowingly exposed in the air. It made you giddy; butterflies roaming around in your stomach, fighting the urge to smile whenever you thought about him. If only the circumstances were different, life would’ve been near perfect for you.

Class dragged on, notes were written down, doodles were drawn, and next thing you knew, you were tying your work apron around your waist.

“Where’s Yoongi? He didn’t walk you here?” Seokjin asked.

“Nah. His energy gauge was pretty much empty by the time he was done talking with Seolhyun so he decided to just nap for a few hours.”

“Okay, so, what’s the tea?” Seokjin stood near you, eagerly waiting for you to tell him all the juicy details.

You playfully shoved him away and walked over to the espresso machine. “I’m not saying anything until Hani gets here.”

“Aw, come on, y/n. She won’t be here till like five or something!”

You chuckled to yourself and continued to ignore all of Seokjin’s pleads for information.

The moment Hani walked through the coffee shop doors, the first words she shouted was “okay bitch, bring forth the tea!”—this was said with a shop full of students. You were immediately put on the spot, but Hani’s intentions meant well.

You made sure to include all details of the confrontation when you told Seokjin and Hani about it. You also made sure to keep your voice low because you weren’t sure who knew Seolhyun, Yoongi, or even Seung Ho. This wasn’t your story to tell, but both Hani and Seokjin were there from the beginning so it seemed fitting for them to know it all too.

Evening came just as quickly as your shift started. Hani didn’t mean to stay so late, but she got pretty invested in the situation between Seolhyun and Yoongi. Both you and Seokjin did his best to keep all of Hani’s reactions at bay, but you had to admit, it was entertaining. At least she was nice enough to help the coffee shop employees close up.

“Wouldn’t your knight in shining armor show up by now?” Hani joked. 

“You need to relax—oh, bye!” You chuckled and threatened her with a broomstick and waved two of your co-workers who were heading out.

“It’s true, y/n. He’s supposed to waltz in here and be like ‘my lady, I have arrived. Your chariot awaits.’” Seokjin pranced around the room and even bowed and took your hand in his.

“And by ‘chariot’, you mean his legs right? Because the dorms are within walking distance?” You laughed.

“Well, yes, b-but anyways let me finish,” Seokjin cleared his throat. “So your knight in shining armor swoops in—” he went from holding your hand to picking you up bridal style. “—picks you up and saves you from the dungeon aka the coffee shop! And then Yoongi says—”

“Seokjin, what in zakum’s name are you doing?”

At the mention of his name coming from behind him, Seokjin froze in his tracks and turned around to find Yoongi staring at him with a questionable look.

“I—uh—” Seokjin panicked, almost dropping you on the floor but he still managed to place you back on your feet. “Alrighty-roo, well, Hani—babe, shall we take our leave?”

All Hani could do was laugh until her stomach hurt and Seokjin dragged her out of the coffee shop by her hand; she laughed so much that she could barely properly say bye to you and Yoongi.

“Do I even want to know?” Yoongi asked hesitantly.

“No, you really don’t.”

Yoongi helped you flip up the chairs onto the table while you continued to sweep the floor. As you two cleaned up, you proceeded to tell him about your day and apologized for telling Seokjin and Hani what happened in the afternoon. He brushed it off because he also trusted them.

Unlike your busy day, Yoongi spent his entire day eating, sleeping, and watching netflix; he exaggerated that it was a packed schedule. He even mentioned that Seolhyun still tried to call and text him, but he ignored every single attempt.

“You know, I think she dressed up that way today to lure you back to her with her looks.” You confessed.

“Huh. You think so?” Yoongi walked behind the counter where you were wiping around the sink.

You shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah, I mean, it’s been pretty cold lately and she shows up in an outfit that could barely keep her warm. She curled her hair, put on makeup, like why is doing all of that necessary to meet up with you? It seems so—what?”

Yoongi was just staring at you with a smirk plastered on his face. “Were you worried that it was going to work?”

A blush bloomed on your cheeks. “N-No. I just think it was ridiculous, that’s all.”

He stepped closer and stood behind you, placing his hands on the metal countertop to cage you in between his arms.

“You know, you observe others pretty well but from my observations from knowing you, you kind of suck at lying.” Yoongi laughed and you forced a chuckle out. You weren’t going to even deny it.

From the counter, Yoongi lifted his hands to secure them around your waist, hugging you from behind. You made a few attempts to move around to clean the counter properly, but he remained.

“Yoongi, I have to clean.” You chuckled.

“Just—” He briefly let you go to spin you around so he could hug you from the front. “Five minutes. Let’s stay like this for five minutes, please.”

It was such a genuine request, how could you say no?

Yoongi was leaning into you with his face buried in the crook of your neck. You had your arms lazily slung around his shoulders and just listened to his faint breathing. The blonde tips of his hair tickled your nose a bit, so you gently slide your hand across his nape to brush down his hair. He hugged you tighter at your sudden action and sighed.

“You’re really going to touch me like that, y/n?” The teasing tone in his voice was enough to raise your temperature and cause a blush to appear on your cheeks.

“Y-Yoongi!” You tried to push him away, already feeling embarrassed, but he just continued to hold you.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Yoongi snickered. “It’s fine, keep touching my hair.”

You were still feeling embarrassed because that was the first time Yoongi used that tone of voice with you. Nonetheless, you listened and continued to stroke his hair. Thankfully he didn’t wear that awful beanie.

Yoongi didn’t say another word and every once in a while, he’d caress your back and readjust himself. Small sparks ignited at the simplest touch and for some reason you wanted to laugh. This was everything you wanted but it did confuse you as to how comfortable Yoongi was doing all of this to you. All you did was kiss him once and the next moment he’s acting as if you two were dating for years.

“Okay, I’m recharged. Continue your cleaning.” He emerged from your body and cupped your cheek. Even if you were the one embarrassed, Yoongi still had a hue of pink displayed at the tops of his cheeks.

For the next ten minutes, you swiftly cleaned up the stations and tossed out the garbage in the dumpster out back. Yoongi waited patiently and even gathered all of your things for you from the back room.

“So you’re opening tomorrow?” Yoongi asked whilst helping you adjust your hoodie.

“Sadly, yeah. So we can talk first then I’ll head straight to bed.”

“We can talk tomorrow, it’s fine. You need your rest.”

“B-But—”

Yoongi stole another kiss from you, probably to shut you up and it worked; it left you utterly speechless. You had to get used to this somehow.

“Tomorrow.” Yoongi whispered. “For now, let’s go home.”

Home?

There was no doubt that Yoongi was referring to your dorm as home since he stayed there the entire day. The idea of him considering your place as “home” gave you butterflies.

Home was a safe sanctuary. Home was a place where someone can easily unravel themselves to be at peace. Home was where the heart was and Yoongi was there with you.

“Yeah.” You blushed. “Let’s go home.”

-

-

-

♡ rae jagi

[kuriquinn]

The Job Offer [part 2]

General Disclaimer

Rating: PG 13

Author’s Note: I was planning to do all random one-shots that weren’t connected to anything. But this was the only thing I could think of writing when I saw the prompt was “medicine”. So...here’s the next part of that mafia fic I started like two years ago. If you want to read the first part, you can find it here.

⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂

“So, I hear you’re refusing your medication unless I give it to you,” Sakura says as she enters the private room without preamble, two IV bags in hand. “Care to share why? And it better not be some macho, stoic bullshit.”

She should probably be a little more polite, but she’s way beyond sleep deprived at this point.

Uchiha Sasuke is propped up in his bed, glaring at her. His chest is a swath of thick bandages, turning what she has learned is a stunning physic into a comically shapeless square. They are incongruent with the vibrant colours of sleeve tattoos that depict snakes winding up either arm against a black background with red clouds. She knows there’s something on his back, too, but she was a little too preoccupied with his life-saving surgery at the time to identify it; some kind of bird.

“Your people are refusing to allow my men in here. I can’t be sure I’m not being poisoned.”

“After the show they put on in the emergency room, they’re lucky they’re even allowed in the waiting room,” she grumbles and begins to set the bags into the apparatus. “Why do you trust me not to poison you? I mean, you’ve been a bit of a pain since I met you, so you’d totally deserve it…”

She chances a glance over at her patient, who hasn’t taken his eyes off her since she walked in. She has a brief moment of being lost in endless black, and then he turns away with a noncommittal noise.

“You’ve already proven you have principles. Since a dozen Uchiha-gumi couldn’t make you waver, I doubt anything else could.”

He goes quiet, staring at the wall with a slight frown in his forehead, and long bangs framing his face rather fetchingly despite the fact he probably hasn’t had a chance to wash his hair in three days.

He is really, unfairly and ridiculously pretty.

Sakura swallows at that thought, hastily grabbing for his chart so he doesn’t catch her looking.

No! None of that! Bad idea! That is the worst idea. Just look at his arms, they tell you exactly why this is a bad idea!

“What are you giving me, anyhow?” he asks. “I don’t allow just anything in my body.”

“I’m trying not to find that ironic,” Sakura quips. “Anyhow, these are your next round of antibiotics and painkillers—and no, it’s not morphine, you already made it clear to my interns what you thought about that.”

“As I said.”

“Yeah, well, you could have been a little nicer about it. I think Dr. Ise is about to go to the administration and tender his resignation because of you. And they’re in enough of a tizzy already, they’d accept it.”

Uchiha watches her face, and something flashes in his gaze.

“You haven’t had any issues, have you?” he asks, frowning. “With regards to your employment?”

Sakura’s cheeks flame. “You mean since your boys were trying to intimidate Senju-sensei and the rest of the Board of Directors?”

“It would be remiss of them to suspend your privileges considering the situation.”

“Do you know how much of a problem their interference could be for me?!”

“Was it effective?”

“In this case…yes,” she admits grudgingly. He smirks at that, like he predicted this, and she clenches her fists. “But the Board’s going to make my life hell in other ways from now on! Constant reviews and check ins and…” She sighs, reigning in her temper. “Look, it’s not that I don’t appreciate it, but you’re making my life more complicated—”

“Complicated enough to leave?” he suggests, and there’s something too blank about his face just then.

Suspicion rears its head, along with a memory of the night they met.

“So what? Just come work for me.”

“I’m not quitting my job. I have responsibilities—"

“Take a sabbatical,” he suggests. “I’ve heard that’s common among the medical profession, either due to burnout or the desire to research areas of interest.”

“Not to go work for the mob!”

He doesn’t appear to hear her. “You doctors engage in research, right? Life-saving practices, new methods?”

“…Yes?”

“And that requires funding, if I understand it. Which is difficult to come by, considering you don’t exactly get paid much…”

Sakura narrows her eyes. “Are you trying to bribe me?”

“I consider it more of an investment.”

“No offense, but even if I were at the point in my career where I was trying to get funding for something, I’d rather not have the money attached to my name and methods be dirty. Especially not if I want to be taken seriously.”

“We maintain entirely legal businesses,” he dismisses. “My branch of the family has a thriving private security business, which has been very lucrative so far. Any funding you receive through us would be through legal channels and with clean funds.”

Sakura blinks, not entirely sure she’s understanding what she’s hearing.

“Why are you trying so hard to recruit me?”

“You have a good image.”

“Excuse me?”

“Not like that,” he rolls his eyes. Then as if in opposition to what he just said, his gazes flicks up and down in a way that has her blushing and torn between wanting to cover up in a blanket or shrug out of her scrubs in front of him.

Oh. My. God. What the hell is wrong with me?

“You are small and unassuming,” he continues. “No one would know to look at you that you’re anything more than that. And in addition to being able to fight, you have medical skills and respect discretion. In my experience, that is hard to come by without a lot of money being thrown around. And money doesn’t buy loyalty. You already have principles, so money wouldn’t be necessary. You’re a warrior and a healer. That’s valuable.”

“I…”

What the hell do I say to that?

“As it happens, I’m looking for another member of my security team. Suigetsu’s wife is having a baby soon, and she’s demanding. I don’t see him being able to maintain his commitments to my schedule for the next little while. You have no family connections or commitments to speak of, nor any time-consuming romantic relationships most women your age do.”

“How the— how do you know that?! Are you— did you have someone look into me?”

She’s entirely thrown off balance by this.

“My brother is very thorough. He and my parents wished to make sure of your credentials.” There aren’t many yakuza that the general populace are able to name off the top of their head, but Uchiha Itachi is one of them. If any of the stories about him are true… “You will likely meet him when I’m permitted to leave here.”

Sakura is only just able to hold back the choke of fear, but her patient notices, nonetheless.

“There’s no need for you to worry about him,” he says, bored. “He already likes you, from what Suigetsu told him. Something amuses him about the fact you can—what’s the expression? ‘Get me to take my medicine’? Anyhow, he’ll have a formal offer of employment drawn up for you.”

He is looking at her with a superior look, as if to say, this hospital may be your kingdom, but I have my own domain.

That confidence is simultaneously terrifying and sexy in a way it shouldn’t be.

“You may have time to consider the proposition,” he tells her, indicating the door; a clear dismissal.

Sakura bristles a little at that, irritated. “And if I still decline?”

He shrugs. “Then you decline. I’m not about to have your fingers cut off because you’ve done something I don’t like.” His eyes rest on her hands, then flick up to her with something indecipherable in them. “That would be a waste.”

And then he smiles.

Sakura feels a surge of want slam into her and oh, whether she takes the job or not, this is not going to turn out well for her, is it?

栗

[cuorepietoso]

Things you were afraid to say

requested by @evcravens   /   ft. Alessio Rossi

     I. 

          They have a dry run for the end. 

     In July of 2013, Sottotenente Alessio Giovanni Maria Greco Rossi, aged 25, receives a Croce di guerra al valor militare after an injury received in the line of duty. The location of this incident is heavily classified, as are the mission specifications, but he’s commended by his commanding officers for his valor and his hard work and his dedication. He’s recognized, briefly, as an intelligence officer that specializes in both human and counterintelligence in the Middle East, and then promptly forgotten about by the broader nation. No mention of his work with the Col Moschin is made. 

          He’s very handsome. He looks good on camera. 

     In July of 2013, Maresciallo Ordinario Battista “Tombarolo” Tahan spent three hours digging a bullet out of Sottotenente Alessio Giovanni Maria Greco Rossi’s asscheek in a rundown shack in Somalia, while the legend himself had laid on his stomach, smoked a cigarette, and bitched about the economy. And about polyester socks. And the way limoncello tastes like ass unless you’re already nine drinks deep. And every time he would stop bitching, Tahan would shake him just a little bit, and try to keep his own voice steady when he prompted him to keep going. 

     He’s silent on the CASEVAC ride out of there, hands clenched together as the other medics take over, watching Rossi’s face as he drifts in and out of sleep, finally drugged up on the good stuff. The ends and elbows of his sleeves are stained red. His knees don’t stop jittering until Rossi reaches out and settles a hand on one with an unhappy grunt. It slides off when he fades once more, and Tahan carefully sets it back at his side on the stretcher, and remains stock still for the rest of the ride. 

     It takes the doctors and nurses nearly ten hours to allow Rossi any visitors once they land on base. Tahan has showered, changed, been debriefed, and navigated tracking down some food for himself within that time, any words that had been forced out of him were terse or downright biting, unwilling or unable to rein in his tongue in the wake of such a disastrous assignment. When he finally steps into the cramped room and spots Rossi, alive and well enough, all in one piece, it’s like the wind falls from his sails, and he slumps into a chair next to his bed with a lackadaisical sprawl. 

     They’re silent for a moment, while Tahan eyes critically his IV, and the machines he’s hooked up to, and then his lap, under the blankets, where he knows there’s a hole in him about three centimeters wide. Rossi watches him back, an expression of openly warm, quiet bemusement settling on his face, and his voice sounds nearly normal when he speaks, if a little slurred from the painkillers. “You have something on your mind, grave robber?” 

     Tahan’s gaze is torn from his lap to meet his gaze, giving him an ugly look. He doesn’t say: you could have died. He doesn’t say: you need to be more careful. He doesn’t say: what would I do without you? There are some things, he’s found, that are just asking for trouble-- and opening that can of worms with Alessio Rossi could be qualified as begging for it. He just leans forward, and puts a hand on his wrist, and murmurs, “Did the doctors say you would make it? Or is your case of shittalking terminal?”

     He laughs, then, something bright, something with no place in the sterile halls. Tahan finds himself leaning closer at the sound of it, wanting to reach out and run his fingers over Rossi’s forehead, his cheeks, his chin, wanting to reach out and feel the breath rolling out of him and his chest rising and falling steadily. He wants to hear that laugh again. He’s happy to settle with watching the easy smile take its place. “I can’t die, Tahan.” Rossi’s voice fills the room like it’s a summer breeze, and he slumps even closer still, until Rossi can reach out and card his fingers through Tahan’s hair-- and that’s exactly what he does. The rest of the lingering tension drains out of his shoulders at the touch. “I have you looking out for me.”

     Tahan rolls his eyes so hard that he thinks they may pop out of his head. “I can only save you from so much stupidity, Rossi. I’m not God.” Most of the younger man’s so-called stupidity, he thinks, stems from his damned bleeding heart. His spine of steel, uncompromising morality-- traits that were God-given, hard to keep, and worth cupping his hands around and breathing life into. Worth protecting. 

     He thinks maybe he’s devoted to the man laying on the bed. It’s easy not to think about why, because he makes it easy. He makes it feel natural. 

     “No, not God.” There’s something terribly fond in his expression now, as he traces his fingers from Tahan’s hairline to his jaw, feather-light. “Maybe a guardian angel, then.” His grip tightens marginally when Tahan scoffs. “Right, sorry-- Your angels are a bit scarier than mine. But what’s wrong with that, hm? You’re ass ugly already--” 

     Tahan lets out a bark of laughter, the stormcloud of his foul mood finally releasing as he pulls Rossi’s hand from his face, settling their palms together. Rossi laces their fingers and settles their joined hands on the bed. “Your mother doesn’t think I’m ugly.” 

     Rossi’s nose crinkles. “My mother has awful taste. So do I.” They share another laugh, and have to smother it as a nurse walks by, peering into the room to check on the racket they’re making. When he speaks again, his voice isn’t subdued at all. “Seriously, though. I’m fine. And you know I’m fine. It’s just-- getting shot in the ass? I’d almost rather be dead. How embarrassing.”

     A weary sigh slips out of Tahan, and he settles a chin in his hand, elbow resting on the edge of the bed. The sheets are itchy. He thinks Rossi is probably too doped up to notice. “The bullet missed your femoral artery. But it might not have. Or it could have hit you anywhere-- the spine, the heart.” His lips are drawn into a thoughtful frown. “And you shouldn’t say things like that. Being shot in the ass is going to be funny… in twenty years.” 

     “You’re right, you’re right. And besides--” Rossi pauses, for dramatic effect, as he occasionally does. “If I died, who would watch your back? Hm? Rana and Rospo are good at their jobs, but they’re dumber than brickbats. And who would tell you to cut your hair, since you don’t know what a mirror is for?” 

     Tahan sighs again. “Bene, bene. Glad you’re alright, asshole. Try to watch out for ricochets next time.” Rossi’s smile is all teeth, and his only other response is to point imperiously at the bottle of water next to his bed, and order Tahan to fetch it for him.

     II. 

     In 2014, nearly a year to the day Alessio Rossi’s life is violently cut short, Tahan finds himself staring at the burned out shell of a building. The walls have crumbled in, mostly, and the fire still smolders and smokes in a few places. He has no idea if there was anyone inside when the building went up, or when it came down, and try as hard as he can he doesn’t feel anything about that at all, one way or another. His rifle remains cradled loosely in his arms, the radio chatter at his shoulder strangely muffled by the rush of blood in his ears. He almost hits Rossi when the younger man reaches out and touches his elbow, startled as he is by the contact. 

     Rossi just gives him an exhausted look, and bumps shoulders with him gently, tipping his chin in the direction of the smoking mass of brick just inside their hastily set perimeter. “What’s in that thick skull of yours?” His voice is quiet, but suddenly it’s the only thing Tahan can focus on, the soft southern accent, the forced smile curling in the corners of his mouth and the bags under his eyes. He is the easiest thing to focus on.

     Normally the question would make him laugh, or at least scoff. Today it draws his brows together as he tries to think, tries to put together words in his head and shove them out of his mouth in a coherent sentence. His voice sticks to his throat, it’s been so long since he spoke, and he has to cough a little and try again. “Was just wondering if there was anyone inside.”

     Turning his gaze to the shell of the building behind a crumbling wall, Rossi lets the attempt at a smile slip from his face once more. He swallows hard, thinks for a moment, and releases a long sigh -- “I think there were two women inside that didn’t make it out.” The words fall out, brittle, and shatter between them like glass.

     Tahan knows there was a point in his life where the news would have filled him with grief, and that there was a point in his life where the news would have filled him with bitter rage, at the waste of it, the clumsiness of it, the unfairness of it. Right now he feels a vast nothingness, struggling around and around to feel anything about it at all. The wisps of emotion slip right through his fingers. The cold wind at his back cuts right through him. 

          He thinks maybe he feels a little nauseated. His face is hot. 

     “That’s bad,” he finally responds. It’s meant to be a statement, hardly a whisper, but almost feels like it falls out of him as a question, because he just can’t make himself feel anything at all. He knows it’s bad. Civilian casualties are bad, are to be avoided at all costs, and so it’s bad that there are innocent people who died today. He can’t stop turning it over in his mind, thinking about what could have been done differently, thinking about their last moments, but it’s clinical. Logical. He can’t make himself feel anything. He can’t stop thinking.

     Rossi turns his gaze back and eyes him seriously. Whatever he finds on Tahan’s face must not satisfy him, because he makes a strained nose somewhere in the back of his throat and settles a hand on his elbow and turns him around, and starts to lead him away from the sight. The other man’s fingers are steady, he can feel them, warm and strong through the sleeve of his uniform. Tahan’s own hands are clenched, white knuckled on his rifle. He doesn’t notice until he looks down and sees for himself. Rossi continues to watch him, concern clear on his face. “Yes, Battista. It’s very bad.”

     The use of his first name snaps at him, and he drags his attention from the things crawling about in his own head to look Rossi in the eye. The younger man blinks at him, hand now traveling up his arm to settle warmly against the side of his neck. Tahan stands rigid, focused on the honey-brown gaze that flicks over him head to toe. His voice sticks in his throat. He doesn’t know what else to say-- there isn’t really anything to say, right now. He can’t exactly tell Rossi he doesn’t feel anything at all, can’t ask him how he’s supposed to keep doing this, can’t ask him for help in knowing right from fucking wrong.

     Silence stretches between them. It feels like the air is thick and syrupy, it feels like it gets tangled up in his lungs. He forces his fingers on his rifle to flex and work, lest they become too brittle and shatter like glass. Rossi’s gaze strays to whatever lurks behind him and then snaps back to his face, and his hand doesn’t leave his neck, thumb pressed carefully to the line of his jaw. Tahan starts to turn and look at whatever had drawn his attention, but Rossi’s voice cracks out like a whip, and his gaze settles on him once more. “We’ll be moving on soon. Do you have all your gear?”

     The question takes him a moment to process, if only because it’s a strange thing to ask. He looks Rossi over once more, feeling like he’s clawing his way out of the fog in his head desperately, trying to see something within the man before him that’s hidden far too well. His gaze is warm, but there’s something flinty, something brittle about him. Tahan touches his fingers to the elbow of the arm outstretched to him, and then drops them once more. He doesn’t ask him what’s wrong, or what just happened. He doesn’t think he wants to know. He just nods, adjusts his grip on his rifle, and lets his friend lead him away.

[soaringsoon]

Kaisoo Tarot

I will preface this by saying that tarot is an inexact art, and is very open to interpretation. In fact, that’s the whole point – to take the lessons and apply them to your own life. I learned to read the cards quite a few years ago from a dear friend of my mother’s. The original cards and book she got me were lost in a fire, but I have several other books and sets of cards now.

As we went into 2019, we EXO L’s and especially Kaisooists were surprised with a bit of news. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I’m not going to make any assumptions about the truth of that story – I’ll leave that to all the excellent examinations I’ve seen so far of the Dispatch articles, Instagrams, etc.

What I decided to do was pull cards for Jongin, for Kyungsoo, and for the two of them as a unit. Whether this unit is a business relationship as members of the same group, as friends, or as romantic partners, I did not ask the cards. I simply wanted to see what the cards said when I gave them the most basic of information.

I decided to do the simplest spread – three cards. It’s still plenty of information without being totally overwhelming or making this post a mile long. I do apologize for the length of this post, however. I tried to keep it brief, I swear! I also decided to use the cards that Yixing included with his Namanana album, since he’s connected to Kyungsoo and Jongin. Interestingly to me, on stage when he’s with EXO, he stands between Kyungsoo and Jongin. I’m not sure if that means anything but I decided it might.

I pulled cards for Kaisoo first, again with the caveat that I didn’t specify what the relationship was, just Kyungsoo and Jongin together in some form.

I got card XV – the devil. Actually this card “jumped out” while I was shuffling the cards, and my mentor says that this means the card wants to be read, so I placed it first. The devil card talks about being under the spell of a lie, and that the consequences of that lie are real. It talks about a belief system that needs an overhaul, and that there are feelings of denial, justification, and fear involved. If you apply this to one or both of them being not straight I certainly can see where the lie is (if they’re pretending to be straight, either like Kyungsoo, not acknowledging any relationship at all, or like Jongin, with his publicized relationships with women, which seem as though they might be false). The belief system that needs an overhaul – Korea isn’t very accepting of LGBT people so maybe that’s it? I can see where the denial and fear and justification come in as well – if they were revealed to be not straight it would certainly have an impact on their careers. The last thing that the devil card talks about is the idea that liberation from the lie is possible. Obviously, if they are not straight, they could choose to announce that, but at what cost?

The next card is X – Wheel of Fortune. This card talks about whatever troubles you being on its way out, that the coming changes are happy ones. It keeps repeating that change is a good thing, that you may be currently experiencing a low point but that all the good things are coming, are possible. I don’t see anything really troubling either of them in their public life – Kyungsoo’s career is at an all time high, EXO as a whole is doing well, and Jongin doesn’t seem to have really gotten any backlash from this relationship reveal. So perhaps this is referring to something much more personal, that I as a fan am not privy to.

The third card is I – the Magician. It talks about being in the right place at the right time, that your dreams are manifesting themselves. That you should pursue further dreams, that you can triumph against your haters and that anything is possible. This card says to get ready to dream big and also to act on those big dreams. I immediately thought of Kyungsoo and how his acting career has been something he’s wanted for a long time, being taken seriously as an actor, not just an idol actor. The fact that he’s getting so many great, diverse roles came to my mind.

Maybe I should have asked for a specifically “romantic couple” set of cards, because I keep feeling things about each of them individually but not so much as a romantic couple. I may pull another set with this in mind and see what I get.

Next, Jongin.

His first card is XX – Judgment. This card talks about karma, and says a lot of things about taking inventory, calling ourselves on our bullshit, and finding out how we will live up to our best self. I thought it was interesting that the book I used talked specifically about New Year’s often being a time we think about this kind of thing, and it also mentioned how magazines often focus on new things at this time of year. It talks about a major revelation that’s coming, and about changing the way you live even if the ramifications are scary. Again, there’s a lot of focus on what we’re hiding, and the need to be authentic.

The second card I pulled for Jongin was 0 – The Fool. This card doesn’t mean he’s stupid, quite the opposite in fact. It talks about having (justified) joy or optimism about your circumstances, about the desire to jump into new things but needing to remain grounded in reality. It talks about a relationship that may start or end, a new job (Kaisoo subunit? Jongin solo?) and that there will be problems down the road after some initial success.

Jongin’s third card was XVIII – The Moon. This is the card of fear, of the unknown, of confusion. It talks about needing to use our intuition, to study ourselves intently. It also talks about not making any sudden moves and to make sure to pay attention to the fact that more information is coming. This card mentions that the thing you fear is likely inside of you, not an external force, and that you need to face that before moving on.

Now, on to Kyungsoo. He’s my ultimate bias and I feel like I know him pretty well, but obviously I don’t know him personally. Still, I focused a lot on what I do know about him as I was shuffling his cards. A card also “jumped out” while I was shuffling, and it’s interesting what it was.

XV – The Devil. I pulled this card already, in the Kaisoo spread, but I got a bit different feeling as I read about it again. Whereas with the Kaisoo Devil card I got the feeling that whatever was bothering Kaisoo with regards to this card (things about living a lie with real consequences, and a belief system that needs an overhaul) were internal forces, related to themselves, with Kyungsoo my attention was drawn to the thought that he was chained to a negative force bigger than himself, and that to remain there is to settle for no freedom. I wondered if this had to do with EXO or SM, that maybe they were keeping him from things he wanted. Perhaps if Kaisoo is real, his contract specifies that it can’t be revealed? I did get a strong sense that liberation from this trap is possible, however.

XXI – The World. With this card, I could definitely see things about Kyungsoo’s life, at least professionally. It talks about how things you’ve accomplished have come about through your passion and hard work, that this is literally a dream come true for you. With all his amazing acting roles lately, he’s been getting a lot of awards and recognition, and this card says that. It also says he’s allowed to enjoy the attention, but to accept it humbly which I think he’s done. It talks about a very prestigious award coming his way, and that he’s earned some much desired rest time. So I hope he had a good vacation, wherever he went.

Kyungsoo’s last card was IV – The Emperor. This one I thought was interesting because it talks a lot about being logical, unemotional, and even hiding emotions, and Kyungsoo supposedly has a reputation for being stoic, although he’s very much not in real life, I think. I remember him earlier when he was much cuter publicly and much more demonstrative with his affections, and the Kyungsoo of the last few months reminds me more of that than he has in years. This card talked specifically of being a victim of management, which was interesting considering all the themes of hiding yourself I got in this spread. It talks about sticking up for yourself and staking a claim on something. He’s certainly been extra cute and affectionate lately, and I suppose you could interpret that as staking a claim on Jongin.

In conclusion, this was interesting, and I’ll probably do a few more readings on these guys to see if I keep getting the same themes or if something new comes up.

Also, if you would like a reading for yourself, send me a message and we can talk about it. There’d be no cost. 

[tessxomarie]

Saving You - Part I

*Hi everyone! First, I need to shoutout @hellosupernaturaldoctor​  for giving me advice and the confidence to even attempt this. This is my very first time writing any fan-fiction and the first time I’ve decided to post any of my writing some place other than a word doc. I’ve had this idea for this story since mid-season of the Mayans, and after the finale I put all my thoughts into a story. It starts off slow, but I promise what I have in store next will be worth it! PS, Any feedback is appreciated! - This story takes place a few months after the season one finale. Ez is now a newly patched in member, Alvarez is still working for Galindo; things have been quiet as of late, well for the most part.*

It’s a Friday afternoon, I’m just getting off of work. It’s hot as fuck outside – guess that’s the price you pay when you live in the desert. I lazily gather my purse from the backroom, before I step foot outside, I redo my hair. What was once a cute pony tail this morning has turned into a mangled mess. As my luck would have it, my hair tie snaps as soon as I go to wrap it around a third time. “Fuck.” I mumble to myself. I always wear an extra hair tie on my wrist, but I cannot have a naked wrist. “Fine, a mangled mane I will have. It’s fine, it’s fine.” I whisper to myself. If I don’t leave here now, I will lose all sanity I have left. Man, what a shit show day today has been, this heat must be getting to the kids. Two broken wrists, a broken arm, a no helmet incident and a random summer cold. I didn’t get puked or shit on, and no kid attempted to kick or hit, so I call today’s shit show a success. Just as I’m about to leave, one of my co-workers stops me, “Leah, good work today. You kept that broken arm kid really calm. Keep it up.” Elena tells me with a smile. “Thanks, Elena. I’m just doing my job, but I always welcome feedback, so thanks again.” I say to her as I head out the back door. It’s 4:30pm, I’ve been on the clock since 6am, one would think I deserve to simply go home and use my complex’s pool – oh one can dream. But nope, I’m still on the clock but I guess you could call this gig more of an always “on-call” service.

I pull up in my old school blacked out Jeep Grand Cherokee about twenty minutes after I leave the clinic to the Romeo Brothers Scrapyard, also known as the headquarters for the Mayans MC.  

Chucky greets me, per usual. “Greetings Nurse Aleeah.” He says to me with a big smile and a salute. I let out a giggle as I always do whenever someone says my full name…I rarely ever go by it, but around here, I hear it more than I have in years. But Chucky, oh Chucky– how does one describe a chronic masturbator who has a good heart and is part of the biker world without truly being a biker? I guess I just did, didn’t I? “Hey Chucky, how are you?” I ask as I park and exit my Jeep. “I am well, swell actually. I have no complaints today.” Chucky answers with a big smile. “Good, I’m glad to hear that.” I say as I give his arm a friendly squeeze. “The boys need your assistance, I don’t know details but clearly someone got messed up hence why you are here.” Chucky explains in typical Chucky fashion.I roll my eyes as I stand in front of the clubhouse. “It’s always something with these boys, huh?” I rhetorically ask. Chucky nods his head and heads back to the office. I walk up the steps and take a deep breath before I enter the clubhouse. This club is like a box of chocolates, you never know what the fuck you’re going to get so it’s best you just grin and bear it. Is it just a cut from a broken beer bottle? Did a fight break out and there is blood everywhere? A bullet wound? A stabbing wound? A rat bite? Like I said, you just never know. I open the doors and pray today is nothing major. “Have no fear, your favorite RN is here.” I announce as I enter the clubhouse and strike a pose in the doorway.  “Umm, isn’t it RN BSN?” Riz corrects as he stands and greets me. “Have I told you that you’re my favorite?” I reply with a playful wink and smile, it does make me truly happy that these guys acknowledge and are proud of my accomplishments. “Hola Aleeah.” Riz says to me while we greet with a warm hug, per usual. “Hey, I spy my favorite nurse!” Gilly shouts from across the room. Creeper, Hank and Taza also wave from the card table. “Greetings gentlemen, you all seem to be in one piece.” I say as I mosey around the few tables between me and the guys. “Although that pleases me, who is the one who called up 1-800-Rescue Nurse?” I sarcastically spit, which receives some laughs from the guys. “They’re in church.” Hank points towards the door. “They? Plural?” I ask looking at Riz, and he nods to confirm. “Jesus Christ.” I say palming my face. “Lee Baby!” Coco shouts from exiting church and walking over to me with open arms. “Ah, Coco Loco.” I reply with a smile and we hug. “How are you doing, Coco?” I ask after we break our embrace. “A lot better than your next two victims.” He replies, him not making much eye contact and that just gives it away – I know automatically who my victims are. “You gotta be kidding me? They got into it again?!” All Coco does is nod and look down at the floor. “How bad?” I ask. “What do you mean? How bad do they look? Or how bad is it between them?” Coco asks me. I shake my head with disgrace. I angrily take my steps towards church and I aggressively open the door. “Damn, she is pissed.” I hear Creeper’s echo as I close the door, as soon I enter the room. Looking at the table, I see them. One is at one end, the other one on the opposite end. I drop my nurse’s bag on the table and cross my arms. “You two have some damn nerve - getting into it again. Jesus. You’re fucking brothers, you are blood – blood don’t do this shit.” I yell with anger and confusion. Silence fills the air as the guys look at each other and up at me. Bishop then looks over to me and quirks an eyebrow and half smile. “Excuse my poor manners, Bish. Your boys tend to make me lose all sanity I have left at the end of a work week.” I tell him as I walk over and give him a warm embrace. “Oh Leah, you’re fine. I know this shit has been out of control recently.” Bishop pauses and looks over to the guys. He takes a deep breath. “I’ll let you handle them now. I’ll be outside if you need a referee.” Bishop exits and I just stand there, crossed arms again. Both boys refuse to look me in the eye, but instead stare each other down. “Are you just going to stand there?” Angel seethes. I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Give me one good reason as to why I should fix the both of you up? Huh? Because as I see it, this is the fourth time this month…THIS MONTH!  Angel, please, humor me and explain to me why the fuck I should tend to your wounds yet again? Maybe if I let you both be, you’ll learn these fights aren’t worth it.” I take a deep breath myself, and I run my hand through my tangled hair, which I then end up putting up in a pony tail right after, I’ll just have to remember to find another hair tie to wear on my wrist later.   “Alright, I’m sorry I went off. You two, you two just frustrate me.” I say holding my hands up mimicking a surrender. I take another breath and look between the boys. My gaze is drawn to EZ, probably because he’s the easier one out of the two. “Okay, EZ, I see that nasty cut on your cheek, oh and your hand – good going big brother.” I say as I look over to Angel. He looks away the moment I look his way. “Shocker, EZ gets to be first yet again.” Angel chirps. “Seriously?” I snap. “I’m over here fucking bleeding, I could be dying but all you and anyone ever cares about is Ezekiel.”   “Shut it Angel, just shut it, please.” I beg. I start to tend to EZ’s war wounds; some cuts, a nasty one on his cheek – I’m guessing Angel’s rings got the best of him this time around. EZ, he doesn’t say much this time I’m here. I know that he feels the same way as me – he’s tired of this back and forth shit with his brother. “EZ, no more. It’s one thing when you all call me to take a bullet out, or to give a rabies shot, but this shit – playground fights, I’m done.” I explain as I place the last bandage strip to his cheek. EZ doesn’t make eye contact, and his jaw is clenched. His knees shaking. “I know, Lee. I’m sorry you’re doing this again.” EZ tells me as he finally meets my eyes for the first time. EZ, he’s easy to read. He wears his emotions in his eyes, his eyes right now are filled with pain and sadness. This whole feud with Angel, it’s taken a toll on everyone in this club. It’s been almost eight months of this fuckery. “Remove the bandage Sunday night, it needs about 48 hours to heal. If you feel the need to remove it beforehand, clean it thoroughly. Have some of your favorite tequila tonight, and you will be good.” I tell EZ as I throw away the things I used to care for him. “Thanks, Lee.” He says as he kisses me on the cheek and walks somberly out of church. My heart aches for EZ, because the pain – physical and emotional is all over his face and body. Angel hasn’t taken his eyes off of the wall nor has he spoken. I slide my bag down the table as I slowly make my way towards him. Rubber gloves are on, and I grab his face. “Let’s see your damage.” I say, like a dog would when a human goes to check their mouth for something, Angel gives me a little tension as I touch his face. Again, no eye contact. A look of annoyance screams from his expression. I see a nasty cut on the side of his head, by his eye – a sensitive area which bleeds more than most. A black eye is also forming. “Jesus Christ, Angel.” I say examining the cut a little further. “This has to stop. I’m begging. I cannot deal with looking at you two like this, because my fear is that one day, I’m going to be too late to help any of you.” “What if it is?” He spews. I scoff, “No more.” Is all I manage to say. I take out an alcohol swab to clean out his cut. “This is going to sting, on the count of three – one, two, three.” I say as I then put the swab against the cut. A loud hiss comes from Angel and an instant reaction of mine is to grab his face and blow lightly at the cut, helping the sting not be so painful. Angel’s eyes then lock with mine, a look of shock and confusion fill his brown eyes. Angel and I, we’ve had a very interesting relationship since I first came to Santo Padre. He gave me an attitude and I gave it right back – he seemed more pissed off when I talked back than just walking away, and the more I talked back, the more tension built up between us. We started out on the wrong foot, and that’s how we have remained. He lets me care for him, depending on the time of day. Sometimes he lets his girlfriend, well I think she’s his girlfriend, Adelita, clean him up. Today, for whatever reason, he stuck around the clubhouse. I continue to blow on his wound, and I wince back in pain for him because I know it had to sting like a bitch. “Uhh, sorry. It’s a habit of mine, when I treat the kids, I have to do this; they hate it too, so that technique helps them...” I ramble and look away because I sense a bit of embarrassment, as I’ve never been “nice” to Angel. I look and reach back at the table to grab what I need next, just as I turn to face Angel again, I notice a very small smile on his face. “What?” I question, because seeing him smile legit concerns me. “It’s nothing, Leah.” He says monotone and lets me continue working on him. A few more minutes go by, and I determine that he doesn’t need any stitches, just a little butterfly work on one of his eyebrows. “Okay, that’s all. No stitches today, that cut on the side of your face, it’s a sensitive area that bleeds more than most. Your eyebrow cut, it’s an awkward cut – it’s ugly but not ugly enough for stitches. My only request is when you clean it out, could you please use both water and soap?” I emphasize. I know how these guys operate. They either use a dirty rag or tap water to clean themselves up. I turn to clean up my stuff and Angel lets out a minor laugh, which catches me off guard. I look at him and quirk an inquisitive look. Angel stands up, he turns behind his chair and lightly pounds his fist to the back of it. “You sounded just like my ma.” He tells me, in the softest voice I have ever heard Angel speak in. I offer him a small smile as I already know what that history is. Angel leaves church, and per usual no other words are spoken, no thank you’s, nothing. I stay behind a few more moments and collect my thoughts and belongings. I hear the door open, at first I’m startled but relieved it’s just Bishop. “How we doin’, sweetheart?” He asks. I let out a very deep sigh and my facial expression tells my feelings of this whole ordeal. Bishop can’t help but laugh, “I know, Lee. I know.” He tells me as he pulls me in for a hug. “I just need to go home and lay in bed and watch a trashy romcom.” I exclaim as I grab my bag. “I think you’ve deserved that, but before you go – you have a visitor.” He tells me. A look of a deer in the head-lights flashes across my face, who the hell could be visiting me? “Just come with me.” Bishop motions for me to take his hand and follow him. Nerves take over, with the Club, you never know what can happen. As I exit the room, I see the guys scattered all over the clubhouse yet all eyes are on me. “Your visitor is the biggest pain in my ass, so make it quick.” Bishop says, but I catch his playfulness I his voice and I look to the bar and I see who Bishop is talking about – Marcus Alvarez.

[splendidlyimperfect]

Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough. 

Chapter Summary: Joel's jealous of how much Gray texts Natsu, and Natsu and Erza are concerned about how much time Gray's spending with Joel.

Chapters (9/21):  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise

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sleepovers

in·fat·u·a·tion | \ in-ˌfa-chə-ˈwā-shən noun : a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something : strong and unreasoning attachment

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iv april five years ago

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“Why are you always on your phone?”

Joel’s voice is sullen, and when Gray looks up, Joel’s brow is furrowed in annoyance. Gray glances over at the TV where Joel’s playing ‘Halo,’ then back down at his screen.

“Sorry,” he says, “I’m just texting Natsu, I wasn—”

Joel reaches over and grabs the phone from Gray’s hands, tossing it to the end of the couch. Gray sits there for a moment, stunned.

“What the hell?” Gray asks after a second. He tries to reach out and pick up the phone, but Joel’s legs are over his, and Joel shifts so that Gray can’t move away. “What’s your deal?”

There’s a tense moment before Joel sighs, and Gray watches his expression turn from irritated to disappointed. “You’d rather talk to him than me,” Joel says, looking away from Gray and down at the controller on his lap.

“Hey, no, that’s not true,” Gray says, anger immediately dissipating. He reaches over and grabs Joel’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’m sorry, I just thought—I haven’t talked to him in a while.”

It’s true. Since Joel and Gray started dating three months ago, it’s been harder and harder for Gray to make time for Natsu. Joel likes to hang out with Gray in the evenings, and Gray doesn't blame him – they're both in school all day long, and it’s nice to relax together.

“I know,” Joel says, running his fingers over Gray’s. “It just feels like... you wish you were still with him, not me.”

Continue reading on AO3

The statement hits harder than Gray would like to admit. Joel is amazing, and he makes Gray feel special and loved, but there’s a tiny part of Gray that still lights up every time he gets a text or e-mail from Natsu.

“He’s my best friend,” Gray insists, trying to push those thoughts away. Joel deserves better than that.

“But I’m your boyfriend,” Joel says, and Gray’s stomach immediately twists with guilt. “It makes me feel shitty when you text him instead of talking to me.”

Gray looks down at the discarded phone, then back at Joel, whose expression is downcast. “I’m sorry,” he says again.

Joel’s eyes search Gray’s face, and then he picks up the phone and opens it to Gray’s message history with Natsu. Gray’s eyes widen and he reaches out unconsciously to take the phone back.

“You have something to hide?” Joel asks, looking at him suspiciously, and just like that, the edge is back to his voice. Gray shakes his head and Joel turns back to the phone. His face hardens as he reads back through the messages, and Gray desperately tries to think of what could be in there that’s making Joel upset.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as Joel’s hand tightens around his.

“He’s still in love with you,” Joel says, voice low. He flips the phone around to Gray and points to a text from a few weeks ago.

we went to the lake here last night and watched the stars. thought of you, i miss u so much xo

“W-we...” Gray’s about to explain about the stars and the lake and their old summer traditions, but Joel’s not listening, just scrolling back through message after message. The further back he goes, the tighter his grip becomes on Gray’s hand.

“Are you still in love with him?” Joel asks eventually.

Gray shakes his head vehemently. “No, I—I love you, we’ve just...”

“This doesn’t feel like you love me,” Joel says softly. He scrolls back down to the last few messages and re-reads them.

Natsu: i got a summer job here but i talked to erza about coming back to visit in june after my exams

Gray: Really?

Natsu: yeah : ) maybe we can go out to the lake or something <3

Gray: That would be awesome. I miss you so much.

Gray frowns, looking between the phone and Joel. “I don’t unders—”

“You didn’t tell me about this.” Joel’s squeezing Gray’s hand so tightly that it’s starting to hurt. “You’re making plans with him behind my back?”

“What?” Gray winces, trying to pull his hand away, but Joel won’t let go. “That’s not for another two months, nothing’s for sure, why—”

“You’re supposed to tell me these things!” Joel protests, face drawn in disappointment. “How can I trust you if you’re keeping secrets from me with your ex?”

“I didn’t—”

“You did, don’t lie to me!” Joel tosses the phone onto the floor and digs his fingers dig harder into the back of Gray’s hand.

“Joel, stop it, you’re hurting me!”

Joel immediately lets go of Gray’s hand and Gray pulls back from him, staring down at the bright red marks on his hand and wrist as the blood rushes back to the skin.

“Gray, baby, I’m sorry,” Joel says gently, reaching out to take Gray’s hand. “Hey, c’mon, lemme see.” He runs his thumb over the marks, then brings Gray’s fingers to his lips and kisses the marks. “It’s not that bad, honey.”

“I...”

Joel sighs. “I didn’t mean to,” he murmurs. He pulls Gray into his arms and rubs his thumb over the back of Gray’s hand. “I just get so upset, I… I don’t wanna lose you, and when you do stuff like that, it makes me feel…”

A wave of guilt rushes over Gray. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, pressing his forehead to Joel’s shoulder. “I should have said something.”

“It’s okay,” Joel says, kissing Gray’s head and running a hand down his back. “Just don’t lie to me, okay? I love you. I don’t wanna get upset.”

“I love you, too,” Gray says, wrapping his arms around Joel’s waist and snuggling up to him.

They sit like that for a long time, and eventually Joel reaches down and passes Gray’s phone back to him. He doesn’t say anything about the crack across the screen, and Gray doesn’t mention it.

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Natsu [11:38] i think i can drive up on the 13th, does that work for you? xo

Gray [12:20] I think so, let me talk to Joel.

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“You’re bailing on movie night again?”

Erza stands in the door to the kitchen, hair pulled up in a messy bun, arms crossed over her chest. Gray hates the look she’s giving him, and he forces himself to ignore it and focus on tying his laces.

“I’m sorry,” he says, looking at his watch. “I know it’s really last-minute, but Joel asked me to—”

“It’s always last minute,” Erza interrupts. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Gray sighs, standing up and running his fingers through his hair. “Erza, I live here,” he says patiently, gesturing down the hallway to his room. “I see you every day.”

“Saying hey, have a good day while you’re staring at your phone and leaving the apartment doesn’t count as seeing you,” Erza says, shaking her head. “I miss you.”

“You have Jellal,” Gray says sullenly, leaning back against the door. He’s supposed to meet Joel in twenty minutes, and Joel hates being late.

“Ellie.” Erza’s voice is kinder than Gray expects, and when he looks up at her, he can’t really read her expression. “You’re one of my best friends. I just miss spending time with you.”

Gray fiddles with the buttons on his shirt – it was a birthday gift from Joel, a dark blue that matches his eyes. It fits just right over the binder they ordered online, and it makes Gray feel right.

“Does Joel... not like us?” Erza asks gently, and Gray looks up at her quickly.

“What? Why would you ask that?” Gray asks, frowning.

“He just doesn’t seem to want to come over here,” Erza says, pulling her hair out of its bun and combing it out, then starting to braid it. “I mean, you guys have been dating for what – four months? And I feel like we’ve seen him maybe twice?”

Gray groans, tipping his head back and staring at the patterns on the ceiling. “Please don’t lecture me, I’m getting enough of that from Natsu.” Erza gives Gray a look and he rolls his eyes. “You’re moving so fast, we never talk anymore, blah blah blah – look, he left. You wanted me to move on, and I am, and now you’re giving me shit about it!”

Erza gives Gray a look that, a year ago, would have had him cowering. Now he glares right back at her, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I’m not giving you shit about anything,” Erza says, stepping forward and reaching out for Gray. He grumbles, but lets her pull him closer. “I’m happy that you’re happy. So’s Natsu.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Gray mumbles.

Erza doesn’t say anything, just hugs him tighter and presses a kiss to his head. She smells like popcorn, and for a minute, Gray feels guilty. Then he remembers that Joel is waiting for him.

“I’m sorry, I gotta go,” he says, pulling back and squeezing Erza’s hands. “Next weekend we’ll do movie night, okay?”

“Promise?” Erza asks, and Gray nods absently.

“Yeah. Promise.”

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Natsu [13:49] hey, how’d your calc test go? we still good to talk tmw? xo

Natsu [18:33] elllllllie. ells. ell-e-phant. answer your phooooone.

Natsu [20:14] seriously, whats up with you? i miss you

Natsu [21:22] erza says you bailed on her again – dude, whats going on?

Natsu [23:56] im gonna spam you with cute kittens until you answer me

Natsu [22:57] attachment .gif

Natsu [22:58] attachment .gif

Natsu [22:59] attachment .gif

Natsu [23:00] attachment .gif

Natsu [23:23] its 11:11 so i wished for my best friend to text me... <3

Gray [01:34] Heyy sry was at a partty, dunno if we can call tmw but I miss you too <3

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By the time they leave the party, it’s almost two in the morning, so Gray crashes at Joel’s place. His roommates are both asleep, and as soon as Joel closes the bedroom door behind them, he grabs Gray around the waist and nudges him onto the bed.

“You look fuckin’ hot as hell,” Joel murmurs against Gray’s skin, hands slipping up under Gray’s shirt and rubbing circles on his back. Gray’s exhausted and still pretty drunk, but he hums and lets Joel kiss his neck. “All my friends are jealous, y’know.”

“Hmm?” Gray blinks at Joel blearily as Joel pushes him back and hovers over him, fingers tugging at the buttons of Gray’s shirt.

“I saw Seth staring at your ass,” Joel says, settling between Gray’s legs and pressing down against him. “He was checkin’ you out all night.”

“’s cause you bought me nice jeans,” Gray mumbles, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Then he frowns, tipping his head back so he can see Joel’s face a bit clearer. “Do… do any of them know I’m…”

Joel shakes his head. “Babe, nobody thinks you’re a girl.” He runs his fingers through Gray’s close-cropped hair and tugs on it gently, tipping his head to the side to press kisses across his throat. “You’re not a girl.”

Gray nods, then runs his hands down to Joel’s hips, stilling the way he’s grinding against Gray.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asks, pulling back and frowning.

“I…” Gray chews his lip. “I’ve been thinking.” He hesitates. “About, like… hormones and stuff. Or surgery, I dunno.”

Joel sits up, studying Gray’s face before running his hands up Gray’s stomach to the edge of his binder. “You wanna get rid of these?” he teases, slipping his fingers under the tight fabric. Gray gives him a half-hearted glare and knees him gently in the ribs.

“Yeah,” he says. “I just… I dunno how to talk to my dad about it.”

Gray’s parents still think he’s a girl, and Gray doesn’t know if he can tell them. His dad’s the pastor in Magnolia now, and Gray’s pretty sure his sermons don’t include love for people like Gray.

“Fuck ‘em,” Joel says. His words are slurred from drinking but his gaze is intent. Gray frowns. Joel’s met his parents, once, and Gray’s mom adored him. “They… if they don’t like who you are, then they shouldn’t be in your life.”

“But…” Gray pushes himself up on his elbows and shakes his head, trying to clear it. “They’re my parents.”

“If they don’t love you for who you are, who cares what they think?” Joel argues. He runs his hands back down to Gray’s sides and squeezes. “I love you just like this.”

“I know,” Gray says softly, tugging Joel down for a kiss. “And I wanna be me, all the time.”

Gray hasn’t really mentioned the idea of actually transitioning to anyone else. With everyone other than Joel, he’s still Ellie, even though he's tried over and over again to tell Natsu. It just never comes out right, and he ends up deleting the words before he can send them.

“You can always be who you are with me,” Joel says, pressing their foreheads together. “Hey, y’know... y’know what? We should live together. Then... you can be you all the time.”

Gray blinks in surprise, trying to pull back to look at Joel, but Joel shakes his head and kisses Gray again instead. He tastes like cheap beer and cigarettes, and his stubble scratches Gray’s bottom lip. Gray sighs, sinking back into the mattress.

“Okay,” he says against Joel’s lips. “Yeah. Let’s... talk about it in the mornin’.”

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Natsu – 2hrs ago Missed Call

Natsu – 1hr ago Missed Call

Natsu – 38min ago Missed Call

Natsu – 12min ago 12 Messages

Natsu – 2min ago Missed Call

[masterturner]

long drawn out personal post

this is a bit stream of consciousness, so if you’re reading this and trying to make sense of it, im sorry. its okay if youd rather not. its a lot and its emotional labour to even read it probably. it’s been almost a year since the breakup now. every day closer to the anniversary of it, i feel a little more broken. i’ve had two suicide attempts since then, a prolonged IOP thing, and i no longer see a therapist (though i really should start again). im not crying about borderline personality disorder though. this is all breakup shit. still.  im still holding together somehow. i dont really know how, some days. ive gone through the whole cycle of grieving multiple times now, cycling again and again through denial and bargaining and all that, ‘til i reach acceptance and think the hurricane is at its end. then i find i’m just in the eye of the storm, and it’ll soon pass as i get caught up in the winds again. then i do the whole cycle over and over again. thats what the therapists in the IOP said it was. a grieving process. you can grieve the terminus of a relationship the same way you grieve a dead person. it sounds so silly when i make that comparison. they also said that progress and healing are nonlinear and that it’s not really necessarily going to be as simple as passing through the grieving process a single time.  i said it sounds silly. its not silly though. its real, and i have to remind myself of that from time to time. i dont usually talk about anything personal on here, and its a little weird that im doing it now. but i guess im doing it because i dont know where else to do it. i could do it on facebook, but it feels attention-grabby, needy in a way i always feel weird being. doing it here under a little ‘read more’ thing feels less obtrusive and private, but not so private that im completely trapped in my own skull again. i hate feeling trapped in my own skull.  the anxiety bubbled up and got bad again pretty constantly. it got that way tonight. i felt my heart race while i tried to sleep. usually the worst points stemmed from me looking my ex up and seeing how their life was progressing along without me. unlike me, my ex has a drive and interest in the performance of social media that i generally lack. my social media experience begins and ends in shallow ways: i look at cute butts on tumblr, reblog dumb memes and get vague impressions of things going on in the world and such through the sometimes nonsensical things other people reblog. thats about it. my ex, though, shes the kind of person that does things like update her facebook profile picture at least once in a 6 month period, unlike yours truly.  i dont even follow her or have her friended anymore on facebook. heaven forbid i had an instagram to see what kind of stuff was going on there. it always got the worst when i saw her with her new SO. now i get to look at that every time i get the nerve to message her. its literally painful to even look to the extent i have to archive or delete every stray line of text we send to one another afterward.  i was seriously in denial - i talked myself into believing the SO wasnt an obstacle, wasnt a big deal, he was just a rebound and it didnt invalidate me. it didnt make me lesser, and it didnt mean that i was being replaced. after all, what stranger can replace 5 years of memories and experiences together? but i was a rebound too, and that led to a deep and intense relationship. why couldnt it this time too?  i was naive, i think. hopeful and naive, and i really wanted to believe this and that. ‘i know her’ i’d tell myself. ‘i know her, and i know she wouldn’t think this’ or ‘she wouldn’t do this’. but it’s wishful thinking.  maybe a part of me always did know better. maybe i stopped listening to that part of my own psyche because i started to recognize how harmful it was.  it’s kind of messed up how that works though? like... you can be happy with someone, but also be terrified of that day when they realize they can do better. and then it becomes a sort of twisted, fucked-up self-fulfilling prophecy because that thought sucks the life and passion out of you. it’s insidious and slow.  and it’s tempting to look at it like ‘i was right all along, everyone will leave me’, but that’s not really how it necessarily is. thats just the trauma talking, the fear, the part of my mind that’s lazy and resigned to suffering and collapse. it was that fear that made it real. maybe if i’d learned to manage that fear, though, things could have been different. would have been different.  it’s pointless to speculate on that though. the reason i say it isnt to speculate though, it’s because im trying to remind myself that it can apply to right now. the friendships and relationships i have now - few and far between as they may be, stretched thin as they may be, damaged and in dire need of repair as they may be - aren’t doomed to failure just because i’m afraid of loss and abandonment. the collapse doesnt have to be inevitable.  maybe talking like i’ve learned and figured something out from all this will make me feel better. maybe believing it all had a purpose will make it feel like it was worth it. eventually. right now, though, it doesnt.  i’m still so upset. i’m still miserable and i still long for things i can’t have. i miss affection. i miss being touched, even in a plain and nonsexual way. i miss being kissed and i miss being hugged. i miss being wanted, and every day i wonder if ill ever feel that again. and then i get to thinking, would it be enough to feel that from just anyone again? why do i feel so starved for... any kind of affection at all? why do i feel so desperate for something - anything like this? could anyone ever love me the way my ex did? i guess the cynical and plain answer to that is no, but thats okay. and maybe someone else can love me better. and maybe that desperate longing to be loved, cherished, cared about, touched, anything is just a symptom of an addiction that’s yet to pass. kind of a cold and clinical way to put it though, and i dont know if thats really me. yet i dont want someone else because its not enough to just have anyone. my ex left me, and now i still have that feeling of being invalidated, devalued, abandoned, and ultimately replaced. even if someone else came along and professed undying love for me, no matter how i welcomed it, that feeling of being tossed aside would remain. and i dont know how to come back from it.  i hate how much my mind... fixates on it. like... everything makes me think of it. i cant make a status on facebook without wondering if my ex will see it, what she might think. i cant leave my house and go somewhere without wondering, what if my ex sees me? what would she think of what im doing? would she approve, or be proud of me? would it impress her? or would it disappoint her? it saps the joy out of almost everything i do. i cant watch an old show without feeling bad im watching it without her. i cant help but wonder if she feels the same, or if shes gotten over it. and a part of me doesnt want to know the answer to that wonder. does she still listen to mili? coheed? does she listen to ‘old flames’ on repeat like i do? when ‘sweater weather’ comes on, does she think of me or someone else?  even now as i write this, i wonder if my ex still stops to peer at my dumb blog from time to time for a hint of how im doing and what im thinking. and i dont even know if id want to know, because seeing this message in that light casts a pall over it that makes me feel sick. i didnt want my ex to see how not okay i am. i didnt want her to see the part of me that feels so sick still. and i dont want to know that she doesn’t look at this either. so here i am at an impasse, writing words and tossing them into the void of the internet, hoping for and expecting only silence, while also hating and fearing the very same. id like to think that maybe this is a sign i dont care anymore, but i think i know better than to really believe that.  i force myself every day to just... not reach out. not say anything to her thats real or vulnerable - the few times ive talked to her it feels forced and fake. and it feels like ive cut off a limb, because im so used to leaning and relying on her. but i feel like i have to, because expecting that level of emotional labour from someone that has cut those ties with me seems silly and foolish... not to mention selfish.  why? maybe a part of me thinks that by hiding it, i’d win her back someday. or maybe im just afraid of being burdensome and difficult. or maybe i just... genuinely do want her to be happy without me. i wish it was that last one. i wish i could just back off and be happy that shes with someone else that maybe will treat her good in a way that i couldnt, or didnt.  i dont know what i want, though. i know what i dont want though. i know i hate feeling like this and i wish i could make it stop, but i cant. its not really getting easier. i had the borderline shit before this, and i could end up meeting the criteria my whole life for all i know. the breakup is just a massive complication in that whole mess, but i dont know if id even know what was wrong with me if i didnt have that relationship in the first place.  there was a day a few days ago, or maybe a week or two ago (i dont remember) where i wanted to hurt myself (not physically though for whatever reason), and in order to do it, i made myself do something i was starting to break the habit of doing. i browsed her facebook profile and scoured it for anything that’d make it sting again. i succeeded - it didnt take much. a few pictures, a relationship status change, that was pretty much it. my mind filled in the blanks after that because of course it did. it snowballed into full blown catastrophizing. they’re probably madly in love. they’re probably moving in together, if they havent’ already done so. they’re probably making plans to get married. they’re probably this and that and this and that - like it matters. like it affects me somehow.  but it doesnt. not really, not physically anyway. i dont have to look, and its like i hope not looking will make it hurt less. but not looking makes me hope, and hope has bred more hurt than anything else in the past year.  since i last looked her up in that fog of need to hurt myself emotionally, a lot of that dreadful hope i had that i could win her back drained away, and i want to believe that the pain will go away now. i havent talked to her since then. i still think about her. i still dream. i still fear and i still wonder and reflect. but i havent talked to her. is that good? is it bad? is it anything other than what it is? does it matter? maybe someday ill be over this. a part of me yearns for that. and a part of me is afraid to ever let go, because what if love wins in the end and all the time we had together meant something after all?  did it not mean anything if it didnt end up taking the shape i wanted it to take? no, it still meant something, but does that matter now?  i dont know. all i know is that to this day it hurts and... that’s all. thats all i know.  eleven months later and it still hurts. but i guess expecting it to be all better after 5 years of dating is a little unrealistic. i thought we were gonna be together forever. forever is a long time, though, i guess.  she makes it look easy, but maybe it isnt for her either, even if she’s better at making it look a certain way. i have no way of knowing and thats maddening in its own way. if i had the ability to close that distance... hear her out, be there for her, could i do it? could i get over my own fear and hurt to build a connection again? id love to find out. but i cant seem to get that far.  it doesnt matter though. its her life, and she has every right to move on without me. its easy to say ‘poor me’, but theres two sides to every story. a lot of pain that led up to the end. questions i still have that will never go answered, and closure i might not ever obtain.  ctrl+a, delete, backspace. that’s all it’ll take, tyler. then maybe you can sleep.  but no, instead you’re going to post this. for what? why? is it a cry for help? complaining for the sake of complaining?  i dont know. i cant leave it all in my own head though.  but the silence that i get back in response is liable to be deafening all the same  

[vincent-marie]

A Look Back on TREASURE PLANET

So recently I rewatched TREASURE PLANET for the first time in about fifteen years and… I'm not gonna lie, it's still my personal favorite of the 2D Disney animated features from the early to mid-2000s.

Let's be real. Of the 2D features Disney released around that time period, TREASURE PLANET is one of the more solid films. ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE had some interesting ideas and some really nice design work and animation, but it really needed to be at least two hours long if it wanted to flesh out the characters and the world-building without requiring supplementary material (like a special edition of Disney Adventure magazine). Hardly anybody remembers BROTHER BEAR was even a thing, and the less said about HOME ON THE RANGE, the better. (Seriously, that movie wasn't even worth the Steve Buscemi cameo.)

The only other film of that era that has really held up was LILO AND STITCH, and I'll admit it's probably a better film than TREASURE PLANET. It took more risks in terms of character, setting and originality, and emotionally it leaves more of an impact. (That scene when Nani sings to Lilo makes me cry like a baby every time.) My only problem with it is it always felt like two entirely different movies collided with each other and it never felt like they really meshed well. Otherwise, I agree with most fans that it’s a good film.

Also, of course, there was the excellent THE EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE, which was just such a huge departure from Disney’s normal schtick and trying something more Tex Avery-esque, only for it to be a perfect storm instead of a total crash and burn. That is much to be proud of.

Going back to TREASURE PLANET, I can understand that most folks walk away saying it’s an "okay" film. I, however, am not one of those people. I've had a real soft spot for this movie ever since I saw it, but now I appreciate this film for additional reasons.

Namely, the animation and effects work. Holy crap, is this movie gorgeous! It's like watching Don Bluth's ANASTASIA, except I don't have to feel guilty about historical inaccuracies. (Now it’s just scientific inaccuracies, but STAR WARS gets away with that all the time.)

Directors John Musker and Ron Clements had apparently wanted to do a sci-fi retelling of "Treasure Island" since before they started working on THE LITTLE MERMAID. With that in mind I do feel like this movie would have fared better with critics back in the early 90s during the Disney Renaissance. However at that time they would not have had such elaborate and detailed CG effects within arm's reach. There's something I really enjoy about the use of 3D backdrops so that they may do sweeping camera movements, and that's not even getting into the lighting effects to establish atmosphere.

What's more, there are a lot of subtleties to the character animation that I never appreciated until now. You could just pick one character and focus on him or her during the whole movie and find a lot of fun little quirks in their dialogue or walk cycles.

Admittedly, much of this film’s appeal probably depends on how much of an animation fan you are. In my case I was watching John Silver’s animation and I suspected that Glen Keane was probably in charge of animating him (as there are moments when Silver looks so much like Ratigan). Those suspicions were confirmed during the end credits and I was delightfully geeking out about it.

It’s also easy to see where this film might not have had a lot of mass appeal. Most of the focus on the story is on Jim Hawkins and his daddy issues, which by the early 2000s was already a cliche of a character arc. And it’s not helped by the fact that Jim himself is... well, kind of on the bland side as a protagonist. There’s not a lot about him that makes him any more or less interesting than any other teenage male lead. But for what it is I think the movie did fine at establishing and building the relationship between Jim and Silver, which does have its warm and comforting moments. For both of them.

And at least the film is straightforward with its plot and characters and it’s not a structural mess like HERCULES, a previous venture by Musker and Clements.

Something I’ve noticed over the years is that TREASURE PLANET has a little bit of a cult following. I distinctly remember this one time when I was taking a storyboard class in college; we were assigned to do a “Master Study” assignment by recreating the key story frames in our favorite scene in a favorite animated movie. One of my classmates picked the scene when Jim is brought home to the inn by the police and embarrasses his mother. I recall being so impressed, and even a little envious, that she got the character design style down to a T. (If you’re wondering what movie/scene I picked for my Master Study, I picked the Big Ben scene from THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE.)

Then, of course, some friends and I suspect that TREASURE PLANET might have fared better if it had been released a bit later, more towards the height of the Steampunk craze. It’s not quite what I would call “Steampunk”, as it takes place in a sort of alternate universe version of the 18th century and not the Gothic era, and most of their transport is solar-powered and not steam-based. Nevertheless it’s easy to see how fans of Steampunk could find it appealing, with its mostly earth-tone color pallet to evoke the painted illustrations of the classic novel it was based on. Also that combination of a pre-20th century aesthetic with out-of-this-world science fiction elements is pretty much, in my opinion, what makes Steampunk so much fun to play around with. Also, a robot made out of copper. End of story.

In terms of why this film didn’t do so well when it was released, I suspect what stunted its success was the marketing. I could be wrong, as I was actually living in Honduras at the time of the film’s release, but we got some TV stations from Denver, Colorado. I remember a lot of the TV spots spent most of their time highlighting the goofy comic relief moments with Morph, and there was a real emphasis on the presence of B.E.N., even though he's in less than one-third of the movie. In other words, the film's success might have been partially sabotaged by a marketing team that seemed to think if you don’t take your film seriously at all that will somehow draw in the crowd.

Although speaking of the comic relief characters, I actually don’t mind them that much. I always thought Morph had a lot of cute, funny moments that weren’t too obnoxious. As for B.E.N., I kind of have mixed feelings for him. On one hand, the directing team made better use of Martin Short’s improvisational skills than PEBBLE AND THE PENGUIN or WE’RE BACK! ever did. But on the other hand, does B.E.N. have to be so loud and shouty? However, while B.E.N. is a real screw-up, he’s not so much to the point where I want to see him get smashed with a sledgehammer. He’s generally likable, not at all loathsome, and just annoying enough, but not TOO annoying.

However while we’re still on the subject of B.E.N., I’d just like to add that the CG animation on him is really nice. Making him 3D gives him a sort of sense of solidity compared to his hand-drawn humanoid compadres, and to top it off his animation isn’t at all stiff or feels like the CG is holding him back. There is some really expressive squashing and stretching going on with his dialogue. It’s so subtle in places that you’d probably miss it if you’re not looking for it. A lot of CG animation studios at the time like Pixar and Dreamworks had not quite mastered squashing and stretching themselves, so kudos to Disney for pulling it off so well.

Now if I may indulge a little on why I remember this film fondly, my favorite characters were always Dr. Doppler and Captain Amelia. They are both fun and engaging on their own, but together they are weirdly adorable. Granted, I've always thought them getting together at the end was a bit rushed, but I still totally buy it.

(What I don't buy is that they'd be so eager to have kids after Doppler showed such annoyance and revulsion towards that toddler alien girl at the beginning. I get that the creators wanted some visual shorthand to indicate that they're an official couple, but they could have just been wearing wedding rings or throw in a little more of them dancing together.)

Part of the reason I love these characters on their own is the casting. I was already familiar with Emma Thompson from Ang Lee's adaptation of SENSE AND SENSIBILITY, and her character of Eleanor Dashwood was very quiet and reserved. You can imagine my disbelief and delight hearing her play an assertive, witty badass as Amelia. (As if I didn't already think Amelia’s design was cool.)

As for David Hyde Pierce, I had only occasionally watched FRASIER growing up, but when I saw this movie I was familiar with him through some other memorable voice acting roles, particularly that excellent Season 8 episode of THE SIMPSONS, “Brother From Another Series.” In other words, I already knew him to be funny, snarky and charismatic.

While I'm on about the casting, I feel like there's a totally wasted opportunity to have these two characters in a room together, say, before the black hole scene, exchanging witty banter to show how compatible they are in a casual setting. It’s a shame that Emma and David didn’t record their dialogue together, because with her being an accomplished writer and with his skills at improvisation, there could have been some good verbal combat by way of “Much Ado About Nothing-Meets-Frasier.”

But looking back, I remember I immediately loved Captain Amelia just on principal. As a kid I never really gravitated that much to any of the Disney princesses. I can’t really describe why, but it was mostly how they were marketed as just looking pretty and (arguably) kind of passive in their own stories. Not to mention how when Disney Princess became a brand, they really amped up the girly cutesy-ness to their preexisting images. Not to say there’s anything inherently wrong with cute or feminine things, but it really made me feel like a weirdo who somehow wasn’t fit to be called a girl.

Captain Amelia, on the other hand, had her own style of femininity by wearing a classy, more masculine captain’s uniform along with thigh-high high-heeled boots (that she has no problem running in). She had a no-nonsense attitude, she was focused and cool-headed in a stressful situation, she was downright snarky and took crap from no one. In other words, she was the type of woman I wanted to be when I grew up, and to this day she is my favorite Disney Lady, bar none.

And while I’m at it, I’m just going to add that I’ve always found Dr. Doppler more attractive than your standard Disney prince. Besides his character design looking like a canine version of Roger from 101 DALMATIONS, he just always seemed like he’d be fun to get a coffee with.

Well, that’s about all I really want to talk about regarding TREASURE PLANET. It’s a shame it’s not remembered by more people as it does have some really good elements to it, but in some regards I can kind of see why it wasn’t a huge critical success. If you haven’t seen it already I recommend checking it out as it’s a pretty solid standalone film that doesn’t need supplementary material and covers all the bases with the plot and some fun character moments here and there. If you’re an animation fan I cannot stress enough how you really need to watch it, or even rewatch it, because, again, the animation and effects work is just a real feast for the eyes.

[thehiddenlawyer]

Stranger Than Kindness -- Chapter 8 (HLV Part IV)

Decided to post this before heading out to LA for Letters Leave (containing my screams of excitement) 

I hope you enjoy this chapter! There’s some fluff heading your way because we all deserve some fluff before the shit hits the fan.

Enjoy my darlings! 

Ao3

Molly sat in the hospital cafeteria, drinking her black coffee like her life depended on it, reading the text she’d gotten from Sherlock. But his name had been changed to William Scott on her phone, in case someone noticed that she was texting Sherlock Holmes, who had been officially missing for 18 hours. It had been his idea, grabbing her phone, quickly unlocking it despite the password protection and had changed it before she’d left him that morning.

“That’s a bit paranoid, isn’t it?” she’d asked, sitting next to him on her bed, gingerly removing the tape around his bandage to check the wound. She’d helped him escape, with some assistance from his homeless network, and they’d brought him to her flat. But she was terrified for his health, had driven him crazy with her insistence that he do what he needed to do and quickly.

“A bit,” he answered, wincing slightly as she tugged the tapes completely off his skin to replace it with a fresh one.

“Sorry,” she murmured, leaning down to kiss the center of his chest before putting on the new one, “Sherlock, just promise me, as soon as you’re done—”

“I’ll go straight back to the hospital,” he finished.

“We’ve had this conversation before,” she laughed slightly.

“Someone once told me I hear but don’t listen,” he murmured, lifting his hand and cupping her cheek in his broad palm.

“Whoever said it was smart,” she’d put the tapes on, spending a few minutes simply looking down at him, laying there in her bed, where he belonged, “and for the love of Christ Sherlock, if you feel your heart rate is becoming rapid, if it gets harder to breath—”

“Internal bleeding, call an ambulance,” he finished, “this is the part where I would lift my head off the pillow and kiss you, and tell you that I hear you Molly. If I hear nothing else in my life, I hear you.”

She had smiled, methodically taping down the bandage on his skin, “Sherlock—” she cleared her throat, “are you sure about Mary?” her eyes found his and she let him see her fear, “are you sure you can trust her?”

“I’m as certain as I’ve ever been,” he told her, “believe in me.”

She took a deep breath now, watching John Watson with Greg Lestrade jog across the cafeteria towards her. She locked her phone, sipping her coffee, “any news from Sherlock?” she asked them, thinking she was becoming a good actress. Her shock at hearing he was missing yesterday had been another extremely well-done performance. She had just driven Sherlock to her flat, opening the window and breaking the blinds in his hospital room to make it look like he’d ghosted out that way. She’d told John that she’d just come back from lunch, even collapsed into a chair when he told her Sherlock was missing.

“Nothing,” Greg told her, “Molly, what do you know about his bolt holes?”

“What do you mean?” she blinked at the two men, wondering if she was laying it on a bit too thick as she sipped her coffee.

“Do you know where they are? Has he told you about them?” John asked impatiently.

“My spare bedroom,” she answered, “well, my bedroom. We agreed he needs the space,” she continued, just as they’d practiced. Of course, she was always in the bedroom with him, had been laying against him all night after they’d helped him escape the hospital, but John and Greg didn’t need to know that. Didn’t need to know how both of them had finally gotten a restful night’s sleep, the best since the night of John and Mary’s wedding.

The two had left her immediately after that, thinking that her information was useless, that there was no need to check her flat for Sherlock because surely, Molly would tell them where he was. She picked up her phone, quickly texting William Scott that she’d diverted (H)enry and Gideon away from her flat. His response was a single “Good” followed by “when are you coming home”?

She smiled, gathering up her lunch to head back downstairs to finish working. She didn’t respond to his text, didn’t know how to, didn’t know what she was doing or how she was feeling about him, about them, about anything. The secrets and lies that were surfacing, Sherlock’s, Mary’s, hers…it was like her entire existence was filled with them now and she was starting to lose track.

What a tangled web we weave.

As wonderful as it was having him back in her bed, having his assurance that Janine had been a ruse, that their relationship had been a way to protect Molly and a way to get access to Magnussun…it still stung that he had kept it from her, still made the center of her chest ache when she thought about him in bed with her. With another woman…

Molly slapped on her gloves and got to work, reminding herself that Sherlock hadn’t owed her anything, not any kind of loyalty. He wasn’t her boyfriend after all, he wasn’t even her friend. He hadn’t cheated on Molly, that would require them to have a formal, romantic, spoken relationship. What she and Sherlock had…she paused in the middle of her dissection, frowning slightly, what did they have?

He was her soulmate, she knew that. He was her love, she also knew that.

He had been her friend, her best friend, and she supposed he still was.

But beyond that…whatever they were to each other was as hidden from view as their physical attraction was to anyone who spent time with them. She knew their mutual friends and colleagues knew she pined for him, she’d never made that a secret nor did she care to. But the secret was that it wasn’t all one-sided, because she’d seen Sherlock’s eyes, felt Sherlock’s heartbeat…felt his pulse, saw his pupils dilate…felt the sting of his anger and jealousy…felt the physical presence of it when they made love…

With that logic, if she got hurt, was stung by his affair with Janine then she had cheated on him too, by being with Tom…

Her phone began ringing and she threw her gloves away, shoving the goggles off her face before pulling it out of her back pocket, “Sh—William? Everything all right?”

His chuckle was dark, warm in her ear, “I always hated William, until just now. I might change it permanently.”

“34 years of being Sh and now you want to be William,” she shook her head, “seriously, is everything all right? Why are you calling?”

“Why aren’t you texting?

“I’m at work!”

“You were on your lunch break when I texted you asking when you’re going to be home,” he told her, his words rapid, “you’ve been on duty exactly 15 minutes, and you should’ve replied to your texts 16.8 minutes ago as you walked from the cafeteria to the elevator down to the morgue. Why didn’t you answer?”

“Did you find a hidden batch of morphine or something?” she laughed her surprise at his vehemence, “I’m sorry I didn’t respond, I didn’t know what to say.”

“What’s so hard about telling me when you’re going to be home?”

Our home is not a home…“You say home like—” she stopped herself, ”why is it so important?”

“Leave, now,” he told her, “tell Mike you’re not feeling well, that you’re worried about me and can’t focus, and come home,” he took a breath, “and I say home like it belongs to us. That this home is as yours as it is mine. That wherever you are, that is my home, so yes Molly, I say home like it belongs to both of us.”

“Stop saying home,” she managed, “I’ll be there as soon as I can, I promise. How are you feeling?”

“Come home,” he insisted, “and I’m fine. Pulse is normal, just checked my blood pressure like you told me to, it’s low but holding.”

Within an hour, she’d gotten permission from Mike to head home. He’d looked at her with such sympathy, even hugged her before she’d practically run out of the hospital, too impatient for the Tube, she’d gotten a cab back to her place. She had thought about getting take out, but Sherlock’s paranoia was rubbing off on her, and she thought it would look suspicious if she got food for two. Deciding she would cook, she went straight home. “It’s me!” she called after opening the doors, not wanting him to worry.

“Finally! What took you so long!” he yelled from the bedroom upstairs.

“It didn’t take me long at all!” she called back, taking off her coat to hang on its hook. She couldn’t help touching the Belstaff that hung there, couldn’t help running her hand over it. This was one of the spares he kept in her flat, the one she’d wrapped around him when they’d snuck him out of the hospital. “Woe!” she yelled when she saw him at the head of the stairs, trying to come down to her. He was wearing nothing but pajama bottoms, his hair sticking up in places, his eyes bleary, more pale than normal. “What are you doing?” she asked, taking the steps two at a time to stop him, wedging her shoulder under his arm to support him, “the third part of our deal was you wouldn’t get out of bed unless absolutely necessary.”

He was panting from the pain that had ripped into his chest, she could practically feel him vibrating from it, his skin warming to her touch, “no take out,” said through gritted teeth.

“What?”

“You didn’t bring take out, and there’s no food in your fridge, so you’re going to have to cook dinner,” he breathed, “I like watching you cook, and I don’t want to be upstairs by myself while you’re here.”

She closed her eyes against the flood of emotions, pressing her lips to his shoulder, “alright, but you need to hold the bannister. You’re too heavy for me so if you fall, I can’t catch you.”

“I won’t fall,” he assured her, and somehow, they made it to the kitchen without anyone getting hurt, with her arm wrapped firmly around his waist, supporting his weight as much as she could. They were both panting by the time she settled him on the stool at the kitchen counter, where he could watch her cook for them both. He had his eyes closed, his lips drawn tightly over his teeth in an unmistakable grimace of pain. She walked to the living room, grabbing one of the throws and wrapping it around his shoulders, unable to stop herself from pressing a kiss against his ear. She wrapped her arms around him from behind, holding him for a few silent moments, hearing him breathing, feeling him…feeling him.

He was lost in thought while she cooked, barely responding when she asked if it was alright that she have music on. He watched her carefully as she moved throughout her kitchen, grabbing various ingredients to make them a simple dinner of rice and roasted vegetables, wanting to feed him something that would give his body strength to keep fighting. She wondered what he was thinking about, knew from the slight frown that he was deep in his mind palace.

“You need to eat,” she told him, filling his plate with food once it was cooked, and he’d looked at her, one glance telling him that she would wrestle him to the ground and force feed him if she had to.

She was clearing the dishes away when his phone rang. She held her breath when he told her it was Wiggins, when he told her that Mary was on her way to Lannister Gardens. He called John Watson next, giving him the address to meet him.

“Please, please be careful,” she told him when he stood up to leave, helping him put his coat on, buttoning it for him and pressing a kiss the center of his throat, grateful for the open collar.

“Don’t worry,” he told her, leaning down to kiss her briefly, just a touch of his lips to hers, a connection, a communion between two people.

She was waiting for him at the hospital when the ambulance rushed him in, tears flooding her eyes when she heard that they’d needed to restart his heart in the ambulance. But he was going to be fine, the doctors assured her. She quickly swiped the tears away when she saw John and Mary rush towards her, “I was downstairs,” she explained weakly, “where was he?” she asked John and Mary, her core trembling, prayers leaving her soul, begging whatever God was listening that Sherlock be returned to her.

“Baker street,” John told her.

She sat patiently with Sherlock, waiting for him to open his eyes after John and Mary left for the night. She pressed her lips to his hands, smiling at him when those gorgeous, nebulous eyes opened. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” he murmured gruffly.

“I agree,” she laughed, moving to sit next to him on the edge of the hospital bed, stroking his disheveled hair from his face, “you had me going there for a minute.”

“I told you I’d be fine,” he murmured, closing his eyes at her touch. When he opened them, his eyes searched hers, and whatever he found there made him smile at her, “there’s that look, making me feel like I’m worth something.”

She didn’t answer, just leaned down and kissed him properly. Her world was on fire, she had no idea what was up and what was down, had no idea what she was doing or how she was going to forgive him for the lies he’d buried her heart in but right now…none of it mattered, none of it held space between them. It remained outside as she kissed her love slowly, tasting him, knowing the ugliness outside would be there when she was shaken out of her fog.

[aegor-bamfsteel]

Yo man, I hear that the Blackfyres and their supporters were Conservative, sexist, brutish usurpers who couldn't stand to see a feminist king on the throne but here you are, an honest to God bra burning, women's lit thumping feminist unironically supporting the Black Dragon. In this entire fandom you're the only person I've found openly supporting them. If you don't mind me asking, why do you like them so much?

Hey dude, you’re asking me to talk about sexism, fandom hypocrisy, and my Blackfyre love in an inflammatory way that could result in getting me in trouble with the fandom? I probably shouldn’t be answering this, but ok. This has been sitting in my inbox for a week, and let no one say that I leave any ask unanswered. Wankery found under the cut:

Eyy dude, what if I told you that the perception of Blackfyres as sexist, brutish usurpers in fandom is largely due to some prominent people’s intellectual elitism and projection of neoliberal political views? Aspects of GRRM’s writing like the unreliable narrator, villains-are-heroes-from-another-side, and history is written by the “victors” are given no credibility in favor of condemning the Blackfyre supporters as racist, sexist, and ableist (?) in fandom. I’m extremely annoyed that no one seems to be asking the sort of questions or making the sort of connections that I have due to this blanket ban on Blackfyre sympathy. I’ve answered your broader question on why I supported the Blackfyres in an earlier ask (they were more honorable, less absolutist and cruel than the Targaryens, even demonstrated some meritocracy, and most died horrifically) so I will try to answer based on the sexism angle: How come I like the Blackfyres so much and support woman’s liberation at the same time?

First of all, you come into my askbox and tell me that Daeron II was a feminist king? Nah bro. A real male feminist ally in a position of power would’ve passed laws to ensure his father’s predatory behavior would be banned. He would’ve been trying to apologize for the way he and his father treated the Bracken sisters and actively sought to make amends instead of making the situation worse. He could’ve given widows a pension or granted certain protections to mothers with illegitimate children. He could’ve opened up exit shelters for prostituted women wanting to learn a trade, as Empress Theodora did back in sixth century AD Byzantium. Why does fandom think he is so Feminist™ when he did so little for women? Are they referring to him having Princess Elaena as an unofficial advisor while her husband Ronnel Penrose was Master of Coin, a man who could barely string two numbers together? (Which really undermines the claim that Daeron was a reformer who chose wise men as councilors, since he selected an incompetent based on his own family status) Might I remind everyone that Daeron arranged Elaena’s second marriage in the first place, a woman 3 years his elder who had been locked in prison for 11 years by her brother, bore illegitimate twins by her cousin, forced to wed an old man by her uncle/Aegon, and may have been forced into sleeping with the horrific Aegon IV? You’d think after enduring so much at the hands of her male relatives, the Kind™ Daeron would’ve backed off, but she has to pay for his son Aerys’ failed marriage by sacrificing her hard-won independence. How feminist. But I guess it’s OK, because after Ronnel died Daeron generously gave his blessing when she wed someone she truly loved! I can’t imagine she felt much affection for this entitled shit. But maybe the Great Fandom Minds™ are referring to how Daeron treated his wife Myriah, who is a blank slate in terms of personality and political actions? I can’t even think of any other names of women Daeron might’ve canonically “empowered”, so how exactly is he a feminist? And why does thinking he was a self-serving politician who treated all of his family members except his sons like expendable trash make me sexist? Do tell, Fandom Minds who know so much more than I.

By contrast, how does liking Daemon Blackfyre and thinking he’d be a better king than Daeron make one sexist? Eustace Osgrey said that he hung out with warriors rather than septons and women, but GRRM himself said that Daemon did have female followers (some we know even participated in the Second Blackfyre Rebellion, like Ladies Vyrwell and Smallwood. Not to mention the cause owes its continued strength after Redgrass to Queen Rohanne) who were “drawn to him.” There’s the rumors that Daemon thought that he could marry Princess Daenerys and Rohanne of Tyrosh, but even the biased Maester Yandel said that claim only developed long after the wedding from a few Blackfyre supporters, which is a few steps removed from the original source. I believe that version of the story was an attempt by the Westerosi Blackfyre supporters to acknowledge Rohanne of Tyrosh’s invaluable contributions to the cause of the exiles while still maintaining the romanticism of a Daemon/Daenerys forbidden romance. It absolutely blows my mind that Daemon gets more flak for what he might have said at fourteen than Daeron does for helping a teenaged girl and her two-week-old son get banished for something her father said. Because Daeron is called “the Good” and thus incapable of doing wrong, obviously.

But outrageously, the fandom has to headcanon abusive behavior on Daemon to make him look like a villain. Seriously, I’ve heard people claim he was an abusive father to Daemon II, cheated on or never loved Rohanne, would have killed his nephews, and tried to rape Princess Daenerys based on no canonical evidence (in fact, the evidence goes against the honorable father of at least nine presented in canon). Even a Daemon-hater like Yandel had to concede that Daemon’s love was for the mother of his children to whom he was married for 12 years. Daemon died protecting his son Aegon from the Raven’s Teeth arrows; he’d never hurt his children. As for the children of others, his faction during the First Blackfyre did not kill children (in fact, Quentyn Ball spared Lady Penrose’s youngest son, some say on Daemon’s orders), especially not those too young to fight. The fandom’s portrayal of Daemon as a vicious monster really serves to emphasize how little evidence they have that Daeron II was a truly good person; the man with grudges against two of his father’s underaged rape victims isn’t a hero, so they have to make his rival an even bigger villain despite it being complete nonsense in canon? Can I have at least a balanced depiction of a Daemon who loved his wife and kids, even if they do think he was an ambitious reactionary?

An especially infuriating piece of fandom hypocrisy is that to make Daemon sexist, they have to demonize or erase all of the female influence in his life. Example one is that for his first 12 years, he was raised as the son of Daena the Defiant, who GRRM said in an SSM raised him alone in the Red Keep. Some people in fandom claim she was an ambitious woman who wanted a son so she could be Aegon’s Queen over Naerys, which is a claim so insulting in its wrongness (Daena could’ve been Queen in her own right, having an illegitimate son actually hurt her chances of queenship and a stable future, she referred to Daemon as hers alone so she never wanted to acknowledge his father, she never agreed to wed a man after Baelor, etc) I’m shocked the people who make it can call themselves feminists with a straight face. Others are kinder toward the Daena-Daemon relationship, saying that Daena must’ve died before Daemon was four so she couldn’t pass on her ideals of honor and self-sacrifice for one’s children; this completely ignores what GRRM said about Daena “raising” Daemon alone, meaning he knew her well enough to remember her. Both these ideas about Daena either demonize one of the most beautiful mother-son pairs in Targaryen history (she loved that kid so much she put him ahead of her own reputation and chance at being Queen. I cry.) or they take away her influence in order to claim that Daemon had no female role models growing up. A mother like Daena, strong-willed, independent, a sportswoman, would’ve doubtless have shaped Daemon’s opinions on women, and especially on mothers of bastards. He may have grown up knowing a woman didn’t necessarily need a husband to be happy, that she could shoot and ride as well as a man, and that a princess could with smallfolk and minor nobles on her own. She was far away from a submissive woman and was Daemon’s sole parent until he was 12, and you mean to tell me her son was a raging misogynist? Nope, I don’t buy it.

Fandom also erases Daemon’s other important female figure: Rohanne of Tyrosh. Elite Tyroshi women are most similar to elite Dornishwomen out of all the ladies of Westeros; I say this because the Archon’s daughter was to serve as a cupbearer for Prince Doran without having been betrothed to Quentyn, indicating that they are valued as political actors for their families outside of marriage alliances. Tyrosh is a mercantile society where the elites don’t like to fight, which traditionally equalizes roles between the sexes. Rohanne was the reason the Blackfyre cause survived for so long; she didn’t need help from Bittersteel escaping to her own fucking country, rather the landless Blackfyre supporters needed her protection after they lost everything at Redgrass. Without her giving them a stable base of operations (and certainly using her dowry to pay for their accommodations), they wouldn’t have been cohesive enough for Aegor to create the Golden Company. I realize that Rohanne has very little canonical characterization, but neither do Princess Daenerys and Myriah Martell, and that doesn’t stop Fandom from writing fanfics and meta on these two while ignoring Rohanne. On a similar note, prominent meta writers claim that the Blackfyre cause is obviously based on the Jacobites (no, Daemon Blackfyre was based in part on James Scott the Duke of Monmouth, who was staunchly anti-Jacobite. Just because these writers don’t know about British history in depth doesn’t mean that they can make spurious claims), and use this comparison to make headcanons for how the Blackfyre court in exile operated. For some Unfathomable reason, these headcanons never include the invaluable contributions that the female Stuarts made to the cause; Queen Mary and Princess Louisa were much more popular than the charmless James II and the drunken womanizer Charles III, having great relations with the French court and funding the education of the daughters of Jacobite exiles (it was said that even Queen Anne wept when Princess Louisa died, for she had hoped to wed her son to him). For a fandom who loves to make headcanons about minor female asoiaf characters, and loves to show off its (rather one-dimensional) knowledge of history, I see no such fics and metas for the female Blackfyres. I guess Feminism™ can’t be wasted on the wives and daughters of “traitors.” Just ask Sansa Stark.

To conclude, Daeron II was not a feminist king who raised the status of women in Westeros; in fact, he used his power as prince and king to banish Barba Bracken and wed Princess Elaena off to an ally. Daemon Blackfyre was raised by a strong single mother and was successfully married to an older foreign woman, and enjoyed female support for his cause, so calling him a misogynist seems like a leap to me. I’d make the argument that it’s Fandom with the misogyny problem, as they ignore the suffering, contributions, and characterization of female characters they don’t like in order to prop up a “sexism” narrative that contradicts canon. Just because other people bleat about how sexist, racist, and ableist Blackfyre supporters like me are, it doesn’t mean it’s true.

[taeverie]

Loved You Then

Synopsis: After years of being apart Jaehyung comes back to voice his feelings, but there was another event that held him back when he reunited with you.

Pairing: Jaehyung x reader

Genre: Fluff/angst

Word Count: 2769

A/N: another re-upload, but for my one and only day6 fic hahaha

You were eighteen when Jaehyung bidded goodbye to you in the summer; he gifted an envelope that held an inked correspondence with a simple trinket inside.

You remember that day almost too perfectly: He insisted that you would not open the poorly sealed sleeve until you were inside your vehicle, pure intentions to keep the contents a secret until then. It was not a tearful goodbye, sentiments were not dilapidated — rather, the feeling was almost refreshing.

You had known Jaehyung since you were young, being neighbors and stuck in each other’s classes since elementary swirled an ineffable friendship and a perceptible closeness. It started with a smile, a strange greeting that was paired with an effervescent laugh. You mirrored that same expression back that one mid-spring day, glamour gracing your face as you introduced yourself to him, sheepish and quiescent.

He looked at you, hesitant before replying. Though, when he did, you knew that he would have a significant role in your life.

And so he did.

As years stacked upon each other, days being wasted by walking to school together, creating jests in class, and making each other’s way back was somehow just enough for a stable friendship to form. You two stuck together like a being and its penumbra, constantly shadowing each other to poke silly jests or snap mindless comments towards each other’s mistakes.

Recalling the memories while you sat in the backseat of your car drew a small smile to your face, every fraction of the reminiscence appearing ephemeral the more you attempted to rise it to the surface. Episodes of you and Jaehyung engaging in a silent redamancy flashed in your mind: being alone together on holidays, his annoying aubades he would sing to wake you up in the morning, even to the smallest bits like when you both experienced a plethora of sleepless nights to talk about pointless things.

All in all, the admirable sentiment was evocative — one would of had to be blind to overpass the comely connection shared between you and Jaehyung.

But as limpid the raw intimacy was, nothing changed between you two. There were no proper dates, no surprising gifts — everything remained stagnant. All because you and Jaehyung kept each other’s thoughts at bay, afraid to disrupt the equanimous friendship that took years to construct.

Regret rained down on your being that day when you formally parted from him, kissing goodbye to the city and not your childhood love, but as you were being driven away by your parents in the back of the vehicle, it was already too late.

You remember it clearly: how you sat in the backseat that day wishing that the seats would engulf your tearful being. At that point anything would have felt better than the void in your stomach created by the one who would typically fill it. Your world was like a picturesque halcyon, a state of jocularity that you were able to share with him.

But it became nothing.

You recall staring down at the silly letter, tears seeping into the paper as you were no longer able to hold back such withering emotions. You ran your fingertips over the surface, unable to bring yourself to rip it open and reveal its contents. It took a couple of deep breaths to calm your nerves, but you finally did.

Inside the packed paper rested a letter and a necklace — his necklace of a miniature acoustic guitar similar to the one he carried like a talisman. You gawked at the matching jewelry, intransigent and unsure of what to think. Aside from the extensive amount of memories and mere snapshots of each other, you had something from him, puzzled on why.

That was, until you unfolded the letter.

Every ounce of weight that had piled on was alleviated off your shoulders when you read four simple words; a promise established in blue ink:

“Until we meet again.”

–

There is one day left before the start of Spring. Your world has never ran jejune for a second, felicit air sempiternal since your arrival into the new city.

You wake to the melodious chirps of the birds outside your apartment window, a peaceful tune that is a stark contrast to your typical blares of your alarm clock. As long as you have been living in the fresh city for four years, it still feels new to you. You groan, arm sailing to the bed stand to grab onto your phone, groggy. A scintilla of light streaks on your face when you flutter your eyes open, the illumination more unpleasant to your eyes than the brightness of your screen.

You squint your eyes as an attempt to focus your vision, trying to read the time — only to find out that you are an hour late for your breakfast date. You yank your blankets off your bed and raise yourself up quickly, eyes flaring wide when your mind finally catches up to the situation.

Your thumbs race over the screen of your phone, rapidly sending the first message.

[10:02 AM] You: are you up?

You purse your lips into a pout, anticipating an angry response but within seconds you retrieve the opposite.

[10:03 AM] My angel: Of course. Ive been waiting for you to wake up for an hour!! Way to stand me up

You smile at his message, the slight humor the same as always.

[10:03 AM] My angel: haha, i’m sorry. i forgot to set my alarm but at least i slept some more for once

[10:04 AM] My angel: Im joking :)

[10:04 AM] My angel: Still down for breakfast?

[10:05 AM] You: brunch*

[10:05 AM] My angel: Ill take that as a yes

[10:05 AM] You: same spot? you always order the same stupid chicken and waffles

[10:06 AM] My angel: You already know me, haha. Those are delicious too!! Ill see you in twenty?

[10:06 AM] You: thirty*

[10:06 AM] My angel: <3

You pull yourself out of bed, yawning and stretching prior to creating a cup of coffee. Your apartment is as quiet as ever as you walk through it, the only dull sound being your soft footsteps on the hardwood floor. As the liquid seeps into the glass pot you wait patiently, eyes still struggling to keep themselves open; that is, until you finally pour yourself a cup and down it.

The effect is enlivening, traces of fatigue being drawn out of your body as you prepare to get ready.

It is a typical Tuesday morning; nothing too out of the blue or disturbing, just like every other. The sun appears at its peak despite it barely being ten, and your body is quite the opposite. Desultory, you dress yourself and constantly check the time on your phone to see if you are somehow running late.

Within moments you are out the door, on time to meet up with your boyfriend just as promised. The streets are vast, cars barely adorning the streets as you walk by. It feels as if the sun peeping out in the sky is only a decoy, for the chill breeze practically overtakes every hint of heat — so much for summer.

It does not take long for you to arrive at the location: a dingy diner that juxtaposes with the modern architect of the town. Despite its antique exterior, within the confinements of the restaurants radiates sentiments of joy that come in the form of a simple breakfast plate, or even the muted tunes that emit from the speakers.

You stride onto the checkered tiles of the perimeter, the redolence of sweet syrup and fresh coffee swirling together in the air. Seating yourself, you situate yourself at the corner booth — the signature area for you and your boyfriend since the first date — and peruse the menu. It is a first that you arrive prior to your boyfriend; he usually takes punctuality quite seriously.

You cross your ankles as you skim the options, words not sinking in your mind — you are going to be ordering the same breakfast meal anyway. A few more people flood inside and out of the diner, none of them being your awaited partner, and you release a sigh.

Setting down the menu, your eyes fixate on the entrance of the door hoping that with every swing your boyfriend would be the one to waltz past it. You try to focus on the tunes as you wait for him and the waiter, but the thoughts of him arriving keep poking the back of your mind. It is not until you release another sigh for you to realize that there is a shadow being casted over you. You turn your head towards the cause and your heart almost leaps to your throat

Standing beside your signature table is not the same man that you constantly visit the diner; a familiar face, but one you have not seen in years.

And it takes you by surprise entirely.

Your eyes flare wide, two orbs like blown glass the more your mind refuses to fathom who is standing before you.

From the round glasses the summer blonde hair, skin gently kissed by the heavenly sun, you recognize him within a heartbeat. It takes a couple of moments for your mind to comprehend, but everything appears to fall into place the second he flashes that same signature grin.

It is not your boyfriend standing by the table — not the man you have been waiting for — but it is none other than Jaehyung.

You are rendered speechless, sentences lodged in your throat and the few that make it past has the words dissipating on your tongue. After all, what are you supposed to do when you have an accidental encounter with your childhood friend? Communication with Jaehyung came to a standstill two years ago, the routine of texting each other frequently easing away; it did not take long for, even the most diminutive of, conversations to vanish entirely.

Looking at him, those same eyes that always fill with wonder, your thoughts become a whirlwind and you cannot make a simple attempt to break the silence that is being shared. The music in the diner along with the constant chatter withers to white noise, providing you with a feel that you and Jaehyung are the only two people in the diner.

“I,” you begin, surprised. “Jaehyung?” you say his name, unsure.

He blinks twice, mind just as dazed as your own. “Y-yeah… Y/N, it’s been a while.” He smiles brighter, a look of assurance.

“What are you doing here?” you ask while urging him to sit down with you.

He accepts the offer and situates himself right across from you, fingers interlacing on the surface. “I was just in the area, I didn’t think I’d see you here.” He corrects himself, “Actually, I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

His words leave his mouth easily, a polar opposite to how you are unable to articulate your thoughts. You nod, paying attention more to the changes in his appearance than the depth of his words. “I didn’t think so either.”

His smile never falters, pearly whites still gleaming your way. “But… wow. You look different,” he comments, lighthearted.

You laugh. “I can say the same about you.”

“So,” he changes the subject, “how have you been?”

You hum, taking a moment to think. “Great,” you tell him. “Better because I’m getting my breakfast soon especially. What about you?”

“Good,” he responds, immediate. The waiter stops by and fills the empty mugs on the table with coffee, which are quickly followed with a small glass of water. The worker leaves and the conversation resumes like normal. “I’m still working on music and such.”

“That’s great to hear.” You smile. You avert your eyes from his own to look out the window; not in search of your boyfriend, and not as a distraction to shift from the situation, but to collect your thoughts briefly. “Hey,” you turn your attention to him, recalling a significant factor. “Do you still have your tiny guitar charm? The one that matches with what you gave me the day I left.”

Jaehyung appears taken aback, surprised at how you remember such a small item. “Why?” He raises an eyebrow. “Do you still wear it?” he questions, light hearted as if he expects the answer to be a “no.”

Instead, you reach for the long string around your neck, the item hidden by your clothing. You tug it out into the open, showing it off to your friend and on the spot, his smile dwindles. “I said I would never take it off,” you inform.

Jaehyung laughs, content. He sails his hands to his pockets, ready to pull out his keychain as he says, “Funny, because I actually—”

“—Y/N!” someone interrupts. You raise your eyebrows at the calling, head turning when you recognize the voice. Jaehyung halts, blood in his body practically freezing.

“Younghyun!” you say, recognizing the face. “Finally, I’ve been waiting here for a long time.”

Younghyun chuckles and plants a light kiss on your cheek when he sits himself next to you. “Sure you were,” he comments. His attention drifts to the man across from him, unfamiliar and a tad awkward. “Who is this?”

“Ah.” You chime, “This is Jaehyung. He’s the friend I told you about back when I lived in the small city.”

“Oh,” he hesitates, unsure thoughts crossing his mind, “I’m Younghyun, it’s nice to meet you.”

Jaehyung only nods at him, a tight smile etching on his face — his version of saying hello to someone a little unwanted for the time being,

“Jae,” you call. “This is my boyfriend, Younghyun.”

“B-boyfriend?” Jaehyung says lowly, swallowing his breath. He rests his palms on his lap, cancelling the action to pull out his keys. “Nice to meet you,” he says.

But by the time he voices his “hello,” it feels as if he is not wanted in the situation, for you are already far too engaged in a heated stare with Younghyun. Jaehyung cannot pull himself to speak, his tongue running as dry as sand the more he lingers in your presence.

He discreetly watches the way Younghyun takes your hand in his, fingers interlaced, and Jaehyung cannot help but wonder what it would be like if he was in your position — if he was the one to hold you lovingly and have these breakfast dates with you frequently.

It isn’t until he clears his throat and uncomfortably shifts in his seat for him to gain your attention again. You force a smile, remember the earlier conversation. “So, what were saying about the charm?”

“Nothing much,” he fibs, hands balling into fists on his lap. There is a long line of silence shared between you two, a quietude that strangers experience with one another. Younghyun quirks the corner of his lips up, taking note of the situation and he tries to diminish his presence.

Jaehyung continues, “I was just going to say that I lost mine a long time ago.”

Your smile fades at the words you thought you would never hear. He broke the small news so easily, and with a slight chuckle — almost as if the charm had no relevance to begin with, like it was never a silent promise for a reunion. This time, you are frozen and left on the edge of unsure thoughts.

“I should go,” Jaehyung tells you. “Music calls.”

But before you can tell him goodbye, he lifts himself from the seat and starts to amble to the exit. You watch his physique quickly saunter, like the moment shared between you two was toxic, and he turns to do a small wave.

You wave back and Younghyun grips harder onto your hand, a small sign to let you know that everything is okay — whatever everything is.

As Jaehyung is a foot out the door he glances one last time at you at the corner table, catching your fetching grin by someone else’s side — someone that is not him. He smiles to himself, happy to see you are well, and slips out his car keys from the depths of his pocket.

He gawks at it for a little, adoring the matching acoustic guitar that dangles on its chain. After all, he said he would never lose it — the item that promised a reunion, a chance to tell you that throughout all the years, he loved you.