#but still such a good fucking movie oh my fucking god it is a crime how they don't make/animate movies like that

[bootyful-seventeen]

its just wild watching the secret of nihm as an adult cuz that film terrified me as a child and had me sleeping with the light on for weeks

[kaciidubs]

SHARE SOME THOUGHTS BOUT RIDING CHAN CUZ THE PICTURE OF HIM MAN SPREADING IS DRIVING ME INSANE.

But imagine sitting on the couch and sitting on his lap and he asks you to sit on his lap cuz it’s more comfortable aka he wants to feel you close to him and you obviously can’t say no to him and do as he wants and SOMEHOW you end up sitting on his Dick riding him like you life depends on it cuz that’s what he deserves 🫠🫠🫠 also Chan’s moan I-🫢🫢

Oh, darling, I think about that so often it should be a crime-

It started out so innocent; he asked if you wanted to watch an old childhood movie to get into the fall mood and you agreed, and now you were both half naked, making out on the dorm couch - the TV remote on the coffee table waiting to be put to use.

"Chris, the movie?" You laughed breathlessly against his lips, the sound melting into a moan as he pulled you further against him.

He simply let out a passive hum, lips making a trail down the side of your neck, "After - need you now."

The next thing you knew, your shared moans were filling the living room as you rode him with reckless abandon - his dick hitting every spot in your pussy with perfection on each thrust.

"Fuck- Baby, s-slow-" Chris choked on a whimper, his head falling to the back of the couch as his hands gripped your hips, "Slow down, please."

You watched him with a heated gaze, zoning in on the way his tongue ran across his plump lips. "Slower? Why should I?"

His dick twitched inside of you from the condescending tone in your voice, a whine escaping him as his eyebrows furrowed. "I-I'm not gonna last- feels so good, baby, oh my god."

"Aw, Channie," you cooed, one hand sliding up to thread your fingers through his hair before gripping at the roots and bringing his head up once more. "Go ahead, fill me up, baby."

His eyes snapped to your own, his hands squeezing you even more in an effort to fight back his orgasm. "But- ah, fuck, I need you to come first- I can't-"

"You'll get me to come, you always do," dipping your head forward, your lips brushed against his before pulling back, "but I want you to come for me, Channie - please, wanna make you feel good."

Whether it was the next fall of your hips, or tightening of your fingers in his hair, his body tensed underneath you as a cry of your name fell past his lips.

Your fingers massaged his scalp as you talked him down, biting back moans from the new warmth and aftershocks of his cock still inside of you.

A few minutes passed until his head fell to your shoulder, a short huff of a laugh shaking his shoulders.

"So... Movie?" You teased, humming when his lips pressed to the junction between your neck and shoulder.

"Fuck the movie," Chris pulled himself back, eyes burning with a newfound lust, "there's something else I'd rather watch."

[Unedited]

[bloodypeachblog]

The Tumblr Yandere Quintet (Peter, Sunny Day Jack, John Doe, Damon, and Alan Orion) - my personal headcanons SFW + NSFW

(TW: blood, knives, death, cannibalism, anything associated with yanderes will most likely be here, so you've been warned)

A/N: btw they coexist in the same universe here. Like, let's say they all live together in a house with Y/N. Why? Because I can. Also this is all F!Reader, so yeah.

~♡~Peter~♡~

• He is shy boi when it comes to you. He acts confident, but underneath he is lowkey panicking.

• But towards others, he is brat. Just, burns and roasts up the wazoo. It's like the person flips the switch and activates his bitch mode.

• he loves playing video games, anything that seem interesting to him. He loves Dead by Daylight and his favorite role is the killer.

• True Crime Aficionado. He listens to podcasts, watches documentaries and movies and YouTube videos, he knows serial killers' stories like the back of his hand.

• he can cook and bake pretty well. He's not Gordon Ramsay levels of good, but he very rarely makes a bad dish. He likes to make food for you and watch your reactions to it.

• as a boyfriend, he is such a hopeless romantic. Roses, poems, serenades (he's not confident in his singing voice, so he plays songs that say whatever he's feeling and sends you the youtube link to listen to them, or just blaring them on the radio outside your window), the whole shebang. Of course, he's not obnoxious about it. Just enough to make you swoon.

• You guys know that old famous photo of a soldier kissing his girlfriend after WW2? Yeah, Peter loves doing that to you.

• pet names for you: Darling, Honey, Baby, Princess, Angel. Basic stuff.

♡NSFW♡

• he likes to nibble on your ear. He loves your reactions to it.

• guy is a straight-up pervert. He'd grope you when you're alone and make dirty jokes. You'd blush tomato red each time.

• angel on the streets, devil in the sheets. More like incubus in the sheets. He will find ways to make you moan his name.

• WHAT DAT TONGUE DO THO? OH LAWD Seriously, when he eats you out, you swear you can feel the very tip of his tongue brush against your cervix.

• favorite positions are missionary, mating press, and doggy style. But he likes oral too, both sides. He loves feeling your warm mouth taking in his cock, he struggles not to cum right then and there. He loves your taste, he can't get enough of it.

•some nights he can be gentle, other nights he'll fuck you into the dirt.

• his cock is about 5.6 inches, good thickness. Not the dick of the gods, but still something to brag about. Very pretty, too.

• Knifeplay? On you, depends on if you're into it or not. On him, FUCK YEAH. He fantasizes about you using a knife to write your name on his chest. Getting cut gives him the biggest hard-on, he'd be already dripping pre-cum. And if you lick the cuts? Oh, this man will cum immediately.

• Anal? Hell yeah. If you're okay with it, of course.

~~~~~

~♡~Damon~♡~

• He's more chill and laid back. Also he's emo. Because I said so.

• He likes listening to music. He likes any genre, but he tends to leans towards emo bands, stuff from Lapfox Trax, and metal. But you play a country song, he will destroy the radio or debate on murdering the artist.

• He wears his puffy coat almost 24/7. I say almost because he can't wear it in the shower. He loves to share it with you, the whole two person in one coat thing couples do.

• he's a cuddle bug, but won't admit it. If you tease him about it, he'll deny it and blush.

• he acts like a kuudere to others, if not annoyed. But when with you, he's so sweet. He'd give you his umbrella if it's raining and you didn't have one.

• Dude can cook, if you can call preparing instant ramen in the microwave 'cooking'.

• This guy loves meat and chewing on bones, so I bet he is also a secret cannibal, but only eats his victims. Gotta get rid of the bodies somehow! He has Peter help with preparing and cooking the meat, but Damon never says where he got it. Peter knows, though, but he don't really care.

• pet names for you: Babe, Sweetie, Lovely

♡NSFW♡

• Favorite positions are you on top, and the position where you're on your stomach and he has your arm behind your back.

• He is SO loving and gentle most of the time. He just wants to make sure you're getting enough. You will cum many times before he even finishes.

• but once in a while, expect to be sore in the morning, some bruises here and there from how much he grips you.

• master of seduction right here. He will whisper in your ear the sweetest yet dirtiest stuff, maybe some erotica limerick/sonnet he found online. His voice is so smooth it makes your core tingle just by hearing it.

• his dick is pretty average, but it's not a bad thing. It gets the job done just fine and you're not complaining.

• he does have a bondage fetish. He loves to tie you to the bed and on special occasions, like your birthday, he'll tie himself up and let you do whatever you want.

• Anal? Nah. Unless you beg for it.

• dude loves meat, so... he has a dolcett fetish. (Don't know what it is? ...eh google it, I'm not your mom. But don't say I didn't warn you.) He never acts on it really [he may eat people, but he doesn't get off to it because he feels like he'd be cheating on you], but his phone and laptop has a folder with hundreds of pics/videos of dolcett porn. Sort of a guily pleasure fetish, emphasis on the pleasure.

~~~~~

~♡~Alan~♡~

• He is such a good boi. Sweetest boi in the world. Pure sugar cookie.

• he is the outdoorsy guy, hunting, fishing, camping, all that stuff. Dude lives in the woods.

• he's the one who brings home fish or game for dinner. Preps it himself in the garage. Expect to find some deer or birds hanging from the ceiling.

• he's a pro at bonfires. Knows all the different ways to burn wood.

• Cooking? He prefers to grill or cook over a fire. He sometimes indulges in Damon's choice of meats, but no one ever tells him what it is. So don't tell him. It'd break the guy...

• he is such a sweetheart. Asking if you're feeling ok, if you need any help with anything, just so considerate. Heavy follower of PDA.

• unashamed cuddler. When you two go camping, he has you in the same sleeping bag as him.

• HUGE astrology and astronomy nerd. He will talk your ear off about the star constellations and tell you your horoscope of the day and if you are compatible with him or anyone else in the group.

• pet names: Doe-Eyes, darling, honey, dear, love

♡NSFW♡

• he's more on the gentler side of things. Perfect candidate for your first time. He will comfort you if it hurts and praise you so much.

• favorite positions are where he can look at you splayed out and writhing in pleasure. Mostly missionary.

• man is a pussy eater. On bad days, he gives you puppy dog eyes and asks to eat you out. With those eyes, you can't help but say yes.

• he likes to nibble and bite. Favorite place to bite is your thighs. He can leave marks, but never breaks skin. If he does, he'll stop and patch you up.

• his cock is the smallest in the group, but not in general. It's pretty average, nothing to complain about. He's a grower, not a shower. You secretly find his cock (both erect and flaccid) adorable, but you never say that to his face.

• does he do anal? Only if you ask him to, but even then, he's hesitant. He will make sure you're prepped well.

~~~~~

~♡~Jack~♡~

• the ray of sunshine in the group. Always trying to cheer people up.

• he loves to give hugs any time, any day, any where

• he is such an 80s retro nerd. He has a collection of games and movies from that era. Favorite movies are The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Favorite arcade game is Dragon's Lair or Pac-Man.

• definitely the fashionista of the group. He loves to create outfits for you to wear, making sure the colors compliment each other. He does this for the other guys too, but some are not sure how to feel about it.

• dude is the kind of guy who would wear a nun's halloween outfit as his costume for reals and awaken some people while wearing it. He makes any outfit sexy.

• Cooking? He prefers to bake. Champion at breakfasts. Favorite thing to make is blueberry pancakes.

• Himbo. Just. Pure grade-A himbo.

♡NSFW♡

• bruh, this man will be cheery and bubbly during the day, total daddy at night. Holy shit.

• he will show you that you are his and only his. He's only sharing you with the other guys just to make you happy.

• man's got a body like Adonis. He's got a chest where he got man tiddies.

• his cock? HOLY FUCK. He's the biggest out of the group and he has to force his way inside you sometimes (this is canon, I swear, I've seen that clip). It is downright BEAUTIFUL. You swear, he is some sort of god.

• his favorite positions are 1) where you're both on your sides, him behind you, lifting your leg so he can plow you while kissing your neck and whispering sweet nothings and dirty shit in your ear. And 2) that position where you're on your belly and he is behind you, raising your ass to him and he has your arm pinned behind your back.

• he is definitely heavy on the praise. He sees you as a goddess. Expect him to make you cum multiple times before he even gets inside you, just to make sure you're putty in his hands and ready for him.

• does he do anal? Fuck yeah he does. But he's very careful about it and only does it when you say it's ok.

~~~~~

~♡John♡~

• and then there's John.

• he's just a crack baby.

• sorry, John Doe stans. I just couldn't get that much on this guy.

• he's essentially the pet dog of the group. But it's fine, he's into that.

• he's pretty much a feral animal.

• is fueled by energy drinks and Doritos.

• he LOVES when Damon feeds him the special meat he's collected. He gobbles that shit up.

• dude snuggles you like a puppy. He can be cute and sweet when he wants to, don't get me wrong here. Puppies are always sweet and cute.

• hates baths. Y/N has to chain him to the tub in order to bathe him.

• usually stays in his room. He plays Call of Duty with Peter and loves to watch zombie movies. Favorite movie is Cannibal Holocaust and City of the Living Dead. Ruggero Deodato, Lucio Fulci, and George A Romero are his idols.

• Cooking? No idea how. Anything already prepared is perfect for him.

♡NSFW♡

• you into werewolf quality sex? John's your guy.

• expect tons of nail marks and bites all over you once you're done.

• man will make you bleed.

• some nights, the guys will hear you yell "CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!" from your bedroom.

• he will almost eat you alive, he's that feral.

• Does he do anal? Duh.

• favorite position is you up against the wall.

~~~~~

Yandere Quintet Dynamics

Peter & John Doe: Gaming buddies

Jack & Alan: Big bro (Jack), little bro (Alan)

Peter and Damon: Constant dick-measuring (metaphorically, of course) at first, but now partners in crime (oh they'll double-team ya). They like discussing true crime stuff, enough to where they have a podcast.

Damon & John Doe: Man (Damon) using dog (John Doe) to hide evidence.

Jack & Peter: total nerd buddies. Trivia night is horrible with them.

Jack & John Doe: kid being terrified of dogs (Jack), rabid dog (John Doe)

Alan & Peter: another big bro (Peter), little bro (Alan) dynamic.

Alan & John Doe: hunter (Alan) and his hunting dog (John Doe)

Jack & Damon: guy (Damon) is annoyed by the other guy (Jack), but secretly enjoys his company.

Damon & Alan: same deal as Damon and Jack, but Damon will kill anyone trying to hurt or be mean to Alan.

~~~~~

Aaaaand that's all she wrote! Hope you enjoyed this feast!

[hannie-dul-set]

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER DRINK BEYOND YOUR LIMITS (OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD?)

p — CHOI SOOBIN x gn! reader. g — fluff, humor, lovestruck! soobin being a little dummy. w — drinking, swearing. 1.2k words.

note — heavily based on the manhwa “daybreaking romance" (soob as dong saebyeok ifykyk 😩). won second place in the poll (wdym we've been dating for 2 months??) so here u go!

the last thing soobin remembers after blacking out last night is the look in your eyes that nearly pulls him back into sobriety.

nearly, because he still wakes up on his living room rug the next morning, a burn on his cheek, without the recall how the fuck he got home, without a hint of what happened in between the blurry moments of now and seeing you outside the bar last night. the icy breeze still feels raw on his skin. the conflict in your eyes as his consciousness slips is still vivid in his memory.

choi soobin has become one with the rug, unable to lift his head up in shame and horror, until he remembers he still has an afternoon class to attend and the possibility of having made a fool out of himself in front of his ongoing, unrequited first love while he was drunk off his rockers isn’t a viable excuse for an absence.

“did you get home safe last night?”

the scribbles in his head become even more tangled up when you greet him in the classroom with a pleasant smile. “i think my head is gonna split open,” you say, taking the seat next to him, and soobin is looking at you with wide, unblinking eyes. “what’s up?”

“why...why are you here…?” is his chosen question, not did i do something stupid last night? nor will you forgive me for blacking out in front of you last night? 

you reply by cocking your head. “am not allowed to sit here?”

“of— of course you are.” shit, you’re too cute, soobin thinks to himself all in the midst of racking his brain as to what the fuck did he do last night, and why the fuck did you decide to sit next to him when prior to last night, you two have only been close enough to exchange greetings in the hallways, return smiles during unexpected meetups at the campus cafe, and text each other when you’re assigned group work.

“so, where do you want to eat?”

“huh?” he blinks at you.

“what?” you look up at him after fixing your things, ready to leave the lecture room. “how about hangover soup? that sounds good, doesn’t it?”

choi soobin believes that there are still remnants of last night’s insobriety in his system because the back of your head looks fuzzy as you tug on his sleeve down the hallway, the voice you’re speaking with sounds far away and before he knows it, you’re having lunch with him. watching a  movie with him. riding the bus with him. taking photos with him. doing assignments with him for the next thirty days with the haunting unsettlement that the key to your sudden friendliness might have been lost along with his memories that night.

“maybe they feel bad for you,” yeonjun pitches after soobin finally confides about his overdue dilemma. “you know, you can get pretty emotional when you’re wasted. maybe you cried in front of them and they think it’s their fault so they’re trying to console you. why don’t you just come clean and admit you can’t remember?”

like a punch to the jaw, a memory flashes through a film reel— a cold, prickly breeze. streetlights illuminating the crack behind the restaurant. and your face blurred by cloudy tears and unmistakable sniffles from his own person. 

“oh my god.”

if being pathetic was a crime, choi soobin would’ve been locked up in jail ages ago.

the thing is, coming clean was soobin’s plan before everything spiraled into daily lunch meet-ups and nightly texts. at some point, he lost the timing to come clean and apologize, but you’re asking him if he’s free this weekend because you got for lotte world, so maybe you don’t find him annoying for pathetically crying his eyes put in front of you, right?

then again, maybe yeonjun was right. maybe you’re only doing all of this to make him feel better. but consolation usually doesn’t last for a month and a half (and his heart shouldn’t be fluttering when he watches you scream in delight, arms tossed in the air as you swing back and forth on the viking ride. soobin knows he’s a piece of shit for not having apologized yet. but you look so pretty smiling at him so often, so dazzling when you laugh at something he says, so breathtaking when you’re doing absolutely nothing that he’s tempted to live in eternal ignorance if it means loving you a little closer).

“soobin.” 

your voice hits like a reality check, two months since his drunken mistake. “i know you’ve been meaning to tell me something. you can just say it.”

and just like that, the dream he’s been living in is bound to dissolve into reality one day. his saliva feels like gasoline when he tries to swallow down the guilt, but it only bursts into flames and swallows him like an inevitable forest fire. “nevermind,” you sigh. “i know what you’re going to say anyway.”

soobin is so used to your daily smiles that his heart wrenches when you reveal somberness for the first time.

“you want to break up, right?”

but when the fire burns out, what remains are ashes of confusion.

“what?”

“it feels like nothing has changed before and after we started dating. you won’t even let me hold your hand! i’m sorry for not meeting your expectations. you don’t have to keep forcing yourself to be with me.”

“h—huh?” soobin blinks. “when— when did we start dating?”

you’re looking at him like he’s insane. “soobin, i confessed to you two months ago.”

then it hits him.

“don’t you remember?”

like sudden rainfall in the middle of summer.

a cold, prickly breeze. streetlights illuminating the crack behind the restaurant. you’re there in front of him, so pretty and lovely and cute and your words fly above his head because, “you’re so pretty. you’re always so pretty. why are you so pretty?” and his knees start shaking when your laughter bursts carbonated bubbles in the air, putting his drunken rambles to a halt.

“soobin do you like me? because i like you. i don’t think i can settle with just hello’s and greetings. i just like you a lot,” your words settle in his ears, slowly, surely. “what about you?”

suddenly, his cheeks are wet.

“oh no— i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to—”

“i like you so much i could cry right now.” he already is. he’s crying as much as he likes you. he’s crying out the feelings he’s been collecting for the past year and in the form of plump tears rolling down his blushing face and shaking hands holding onto yours so gently and earnestly because he’s afraid if he holds you too tight, you might disappear into thin air.

but it’s his memories that disappeared. choi soobin wants to tear his face off but even that wouldn’t be enough of a repentance.

“you can punch me if you want.”

he’s so in love with you that he remembers the color of the shirt you wore on his birthday last year, but he forgot the most important moment of all his twenty-two years of existence. the shirt was purple, like his arm after you took on his offer for violent retribution. it’s alright because he deserved it. it’s alright because you kissed right after. 

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER DRINK BEYOND YOUR LIMITS (OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD?) © hannie-dul-set.

[anime-addict-362]

Just a Taste

Request: I wanna say one about Denki sucking readers fingers. I would want the kinks of mommy kink, degradation kink, and some that you would like to add as well!

CW: NSFW, Bottom Denki x Top Female Y/N, lots of sweetness at first, degradation, slapping, finger sucking, anal penetration, hair pulling, vaginal penetration, fingering (male and female receiving), pegging, riding, handjobs, crying, overstimulation, edging, reassurance, spanking, Denki sucks at taking things serious, lots of jokes

× × × × × ×

Denki stared at Y/N, who stared at his empty TV screen. Nothing was playing, yet she was staring so intently.

"Oh my god, you finally lost it," Denki blinked and Y/N looked to him.

"You've been losing it, I don't wanna hear it from you," She chuckled, then pointed to the TV screen. "I was looking at how fucking dirty it is bro. How do you even get a TV screen THAT filthy?"

"By owning a cat that climbs all over it," He snorted, moving over to her. "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Sure," She nodded, leaning over to kiss him. "Make popcorn."

"Yes ma'am," He kissed back, then walked off to the kitchen. "Pick a movie!"

"What are we in the mood for," She yelled out, grabbing his TV remote.

"Nothing that has animals dying," He yelled back.

She hummed, scrolling through the movies. Most of them looked like shit. "What about action?!"

"Yeah, that sounds good!"

She grunted and clicked on some superhero movie. Maybe it would end up being funny. It didn't matter anyway, Denki's commentary made anything funny.

And soon, Denki was sat by her, popcorn in hand. She started it and turned the lights off. "Extra butter?"

"Of course. Light butter is for pussies," Denki snorted, wrapping an arm around Y/N. "And you my dear, are not a pussy."

"Thanks," Y/N chuckled.

Denki eyed the movie as it started. "What's it about?"

"I don't know. It looked basic. Probably some basic ass superhero trope," Y/N shrugged, grabbing a handful of popcorn.

"...okay. So like child who gets powers and grows up with them in secret, not wanting to ruin their identity, but learns that they eventually have to use it, to save people," Denki explained.

"More basic," She smiles, looking up to him to see the concentration.

"Hm... Born without a super power, was shunned for it, but randomly gets one because... He was bitten by a bug. An out of world bug. And he comes out on top in the end," Denki offered, looking back to her.

She kissed him. She couldn't resist his dorky grin. He kissed back, leaning in. "You're a dork."

"You love it," Denki pointed out, kissing her forehead before pulling away. "Now movie time, I gotta see if I'm right."

She snorted, shoving more popcorn into her mouth. "Surprised you didn't bring in time travel."

"Oh my god, don't get me started," He shook his head.

She didn't look at the at the TV, instead, just eyeing him. His face was so cute. His eyes looking so excited, even if the hero looked like it came straight out of a children's cereal commercial.

After a minute or so, he noticed her looking at him. "Yes?"

"I love you," Y/N smiled.

Denki grinned back. "I love you too," He kissed her, staying there for a few moments this time. Then he pulled away, grin getting even bigger. "C'mon, you're missing his orgin story, it's so riveting."

"Riveting," Y/N repeated as Denki wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him.

They managed to make it halfway through the movie, and while Y/N thought it was poorly written, Denki's comments we're funny and entertaining enough.

At one point, she reached into the bowl to discover, popcorn was gone. She frowned. "Damnit."

"What," Denki looked to her, then followed her gaze. "Damnit! I don't even think I got a bite."

Y/N snorted. "No one was stopping you."

Denki grabbed Y/N's wrist, and picked her hand up. "I see the evidence right here. You're the first culprit I've seen covered in butter."

"I admit to the crime," Y/N snorted, then pointed a finger in his face, wrist still being held. "What's my punishment?"

"Slobbery hands."

"What-"

Y/N's face scrunched as Denki licked her hand, wrist to the tip of her middle finger. "I can't tell if you want to be a dog or your just horny and don't know how to express it."

Denki shrugged, freely bringing two fingers into his mouth. "Does it matter," He slurred around the fingers, watching how Y/N laughed.

"Yes, it does," Y/N pushed the empty bowl to the side, climbing into his lap. "One makes you... Someone who wants to be a dog, and the other one makes you a whore so..."

Denki eyed her, letting go of her wrist to hold her hips. He felt Y/N's fingers start to wiggle, and they slid back into his throat. He felt his face burn, hands holding her hips harder.

"What's the safeword," Y/N asked, pulling her fingers free, just enough for him to speak.

"Strawberry," Denki grinned. "It's such a dumb safeword."

"You're the one who picked it out," Y/N grinned back, kissing his cheek. "Anything you want to avoid?"

Denki thought that over. Y/N always asked, and he never really had an answer. But he did this time.

"I have that hero party, gala, shitty thing in a few days. Maybe don't leave any too obvious marks," He spoke, as Y/N's kisses moved to his neck.

Y/N nodded. "Okay baby. C'mon. Bedroom," She stood from his lap, finally pulling her fingers from his mouth. He was disappointed, actually, but followed her.

They made it to the bedroom and she sat down on the edge of the bed, standing him in front of her. "Take your shirt off."

Denki smiled, and took it off. He was far from ashamed of his body, especially when it came to Y/N. He always liked showing off to Y/N.

"Beautiful," Y/N chuckled, eyeing Denki's smile. She was pretty sure it would be gone soon.

In a good way of course.

"Just get naked," Y/N leaned back on her hands, giving him a small smile.

"Gladly," Denki smirked, sliding off his sweatpants and boxers with no fanfare. Just quick and easy. "Do I meet your requirements?"

"Always babe," Y/N grabbed his hand and pulled him to her, and sat him on her lap. "Gonna be a good boy?"

Denki felt his face burn again as he nodded, kissing her. "I love you."

"I love you too," Y/N hummed, hands moving to his hips.

He didn't stop kissing her, even as her hands moved to his chest, then down to his abs, then to his half hard cock. He couldn't pull away, even when he started moaning softly into her mouth.

Y/N moved her hand slowly, feeling the few veins around his cock, letting her thumb circle the head. And Denki was on the verge of making her pass out.

She pulled away, letting out a breathless laugh. "Jesus, Denki."

"Sorry," Denki laughed back, taking a deep breath. He ran a hand through her hair, kissing her neck.

Y/N hummed at the sloppy kisses Denki left on her neck. She let her hand moved down to the lower base of his cock, and he huffed out a hot breath, hips starting to fuck up into her hand.

"Are you about to come," Y/N asked, sounding amused.

"Don't laugh," Denki huffed. "Your fault."

"I'm just sitting here," Y/N raised an eyebrow.

"And you look go good just sitting there," Denki groaned.

"God you're acting like a slut right now," Y/N huffed, feeling the way Denki paused for a second.

"Oh god," Denki whispered as he realized which way this is going.

"Okay," Y/N asked and Denki nodded quickly.

"Yeah, that's okay," He spoke, pulling his face out of Y/N's neck.

"Good," Y/N whispered, giving him a sweet kiss before pulling her hand away from his dick. Denki gave a small groan, obviously an annoyed one, but he didn't protest.

"Lay over my lap," Y/N pulled away completely, waiting for him to stand.

Denki didn't argue, standing before taking a second to think. One, what would this lead to? Two, how uncomfortable would this be?

Eh. Only one way to find out.

He draped his front over her lap, and took a second to adjust. "Your knee is so goddamn sharp."

Y/N snorted while she rolled her eyes. "You suck at taking things serious."

"Do you remember who you fell in love with?"

"I'm reminded everyday."

"That's a good thing," Denki turned to eye her. "Right?"

"It's lovely," Y/N grinned, then pushed Denki's head down. "Now shut up, I'm trying to seduce you."

"Consider me seduced," Denki threw in, but did listen to her.

It was more comfortable than he first assumed, now that her knee wasn't digging into his stomach. And the hands that started to massage his back? Godly.

He felt his breath hitch as one of those hands moved to his ass, just grabbing and feeling. He sighed a bit, letting his eyes close.

Then there was a smack laid on his ass. A hard, loud one.

Spanking wasn't something new with them. It had always been on the table, but they didn't do it often. Not a specific reason for that, it's just how they did things.

So he was caught off guard, to say the least.

He groaned a bit, a hand moving to grab something but realized there wasn't much to grab. "Fuck Y/N."

Y/N hummed, eyeing the mark on his ass that was already turning red. She ran her fingers over it gently. "Hand me the lube."

Denki easily reached over to the nightstand and grabbed it. He handed it to her, adjusting where his dick sat against her leg.

She brought her leg up slightly. "Stop moving."

"Yes ma'am," Denki nodded.

He fought the want to squirm when two lubed up fingers were pressed up against his ass. And he knew, he KNEW, she wasn't going to stop at a single spank. He was just awaiting the slap now.

The fingers slid in with a little resistance, but Y/N took it slowly, using her free hand to rub Denki's back as he tensed. Sure, she was domming, but she didn't want him to be uncomfortable.

Denki gulped, going to grab Y/N's legs but stopped himself. "Ma'am- can I- FUCK-"

The hard slap on his ass caught him off guard and he let out a whimper at the sting. But regardless, he tried again.

"Can- Can I grab you," Denki asked quickly.

Y/N took a second to process why he was asking that. "Yes, you can."

"Thank you," He nodded, and used a hand on her leg as those fingers slid back in. Good, he really needed something to hold onto.

Then something else popped up into his mind and he came to realize he didn't know how to ask. He should really start asking questions before they get in the middle of it.

"Wa- wait," He huffed, sitting up. "Strawberry? But not really," He felt Y/N stop instantly, gently pulling her fingers out.

"Yeah," Y/N asked, meeting his eyes as he turned and almost felt onto the ground.

"Can I call you Mommy," He asked, with a small grin.

She couldn't hold back the laugh. "That's what you wanted to ask?"

He grinned and nodded. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable!"

"You wouldn't baby," She grabbed his chin and kissed him. "Thank you for asking though."

He hummed and kissed her back. "Sorry for interrupting."

"It's okay," Y/N nodded. "Is that it? Anything else?"

He thought that over, really wanting to avoid another interruption. "You owe me an ass massage after this."

She rolled her eyes and pulled him back onto her lap. "Yeah yeah, whatever man. Anything for the prince."

"You think I'm hot enough to be a prince?"

"And pretty enough to be a princess, now head down asshole," She chuckled.

She slid the fingers back in him slowly, listening for any real discomfort. When she was sure he was fine now, she continued.

She started rougher this time, sliding the fingers as deep as they could go before roughly pulling them until it was almost just her nails in him, then slamming them back in. She loved the way it made Denki jump.

Denki moaned, legs tensing when the fingers just barely cut onto his prostate. Then she roughly pull her hand out and spanked him again.

"Yes Mommy- Thank you Mommy," He moaned out, eyes closing and putting his hand back on her calf.

"Good boy," Y/N grinned, using her free hand to drag his head up. She turned his head so she was looking him in the eyes. "You're being so polite. You're Mommy's good boy, aren't you?"

She watched the way his eyes widen, and the he was nodding in her grasp. "Uh huh- Yes I am, Mommy."

She spanked him again, and watched his eyes widen a bit more before they closed and his head fell more into her hand, as if he didn't wsnt to bother keeping it up. "Thank you- Mommy."

She slid the fingers back in him roughly, watching the way his eyebrows tensed for a second, before he moaned while his face relaxed.

"You're such a whore," She whispered. "Such a dirty fucking whore. Just laying over my lap and barely reacting to me beating the shit out of your ass."

He moaned at her words, knowing it wouldn't help, but he couldn't help it. "I can't help it Mo- Ah-" He hissed at another spank, right after she ripped her fingers back out.

"Don't fucking talk back," She held his face harder, and watched his eyes go straight to her's.

That's one of the many things she always found so endearing about Denki. He always looked at her.

Dates, going out with friends, or just being alone, he always saw her, noticed if something was off, or if she wanted something.

But also when they had sex. He always, always had his eyes on her, never looking away. He looked everywhere, where they connected when she rode him, her tits when she took her shirt off, her ass before he took her pretty underwear off.

But something about him and just looking her in the eye while she was fucking him? It drove her crazy.

She stood, taking her hand to hold him, ensuring be wouldn't fall or something. "Lay on the bed, face down."

"Yes ma'am," Denki huffed, following her instructions.

He grabbed hold of a pillow and laid on it for both comfort, and just needing to hold something. He knew Y/N wasn't done, she was always careful about prepping him enough to fuck him.

He's sure she's had an incident in the past with someone else, because she genuinely had a fear over messing up his ass. He never asked, wasn't sure if he ever would.

Soon, she sat on her knees behind him, between his legs. "On your knees, keep your chest down, keep holding the pillow if you want to."

"Yes ma'am," He brought his ass up, and felt her freshly lubed fingers enter him again, just as roughly as before.

He groaned as they fucked in and out of him as a pretty quick speed, still rough. Then he whined as she spanked him, hard.

"Fuck," He whispered into the pillow, fighting to not squirm.

"God, you're beautiful," He barely heard Y/N whisper suddenly, and he felt his face burn. He didn't think he was supposed to hear it, if she even meant to say it out loud, but he appreciated it anyway.

But then a hand was coming down on his ass again, and it left him moaning at the how sudden it was. At this point, his ass was just sensitive. She could slap his ass with little force and it would make him jump.

He swore a bit louder when a third finger stretched him out. She went slow now, a hand massaging his ass as she focused on the fingers.

He buried his face in the pillow as she hit his prostate. The second he was okay with the stretch, she went back to being rough but was hitting his prostate so perfectly now.

He moaned into the pillow, until she grabbed his hair and pulled his head up. He moaned freely now, the pain of the hand in his hair helping the building coil in his stomach.

"Mommy," He moaned. "Can- May I come? Please Mommy?"

Y/N grinned. "I haven't even touched your cock, and you're going to come?"

Denki nodded quickly, the hand in his hair limited the movement. He yelped as he was spanked again, but then moaned. "Fuck- Yes, just for you Mommy. Please."

"No," Y/N snorted, in a degrading way. "Honestly babe, you should know the answer to that by now."

He should. But it was worth a shot.

She pulled his hair again, until he was on his hands, back arched. She leaned over and kissed his neck, and he breathed heavily as her fingers kept that even pace on his prostate.

"Oh fuck," He groaned, hands gripping the blanket under him.

"You're such a slut," Y/N huffed out a laugh. "Taking 3 of my fingers like it's nothing. You're gonna feel so good around my cock."

He started panting, body starting to get really hot. He whimpered as a fourth finger slid in with the rest, back to a slow and testing pace.

"Mommy," He whined out.

"What," She practically spat out, and it made a shiver run down his spine. She had yet to let go of his hair.

"I wanna- Please Mommy, can I come," He asked again, before groaning as the fingers hit his prostate once again. "Please! Mommy please- I'll be so good for you- I need to come-"

She let go of his hair and slapped him across the face. It wasn't hard enough to leave any type of mark but he did whine.

"God, you're a fucking whore," She laughed. "You know what? Yeah, come. Prove to me that you're a dirty, needy slut."

He felt his eyes roll back as he came, the feeling of it being truly amazing. But it was short-lived.

Now he couldn't stop his squirming as her fingers still attacked his prostate.

"Mommy," He felt tears come to his eyes. "Oh God- Mommy, it's too much-"

He was slapped across the face again, and this time she ripped her fingers out of him and grabbed his face, pulling it back to hers, roughly. He whimpered and she grinned.

"Did you or did you not beg to come," She asked and he nodded.

"Yes Mommy," He responded, breathless.

"What makes you think you can complain about it being too much now, huh," She asked, tone angry in his ear.

"I'm sorry Mommy," He breathed out. "Won't do it again, I promise," He looked to her, eyes definitely full of tears.

"There's my good boy," Y/N grinned again, kissing him roughly. He kissed back with a groan.

She flipped him and laid him on his back now. He knew what would happen next. He's gonna be fucked. But like always, Y/N kissed him first.

Okay, sex was great, OBVIOUSLY! But something about just kissing while being naked, and holding each other. It turned him on so much, while also making him blush uncontrollably.

So he took the moment of pure affection, and kissed Y/N as long as she let him. Which was only about a minute before she was pulling away, and getting up.

He watched carefully as she took her sweatpants off, grabbed her strap, and adjusted it on her hips. He held back his snort as she swore at it when it wasn't working right.

But she got it worked out and came walking over, sitting between his legs and grabbing the lube. He gulped as she lubed up the dildo.

It wasn't huge, but most definitely not small. 8 inches, and on the thinner side. And holy shit, she knew how to use it on him.

She leaned over him and kissed him again. "Doing okay," She whispered, eyeing him carefully.

"Yeah, I'm good," He nodded, giving her a small smile.

She nodded back, returning the small smile and kissing his cheek and sitting up. She grabbed one of his legs and put it over her shoulder, giving her a lot of room to work with.

He groaned quietly as she slid inside of him, slow and careful, one hand on his leg and the other on his hip.

He bit his lip as it went further and deeper in him, and he could only groan as it finally stopped. He huffed out a deep breath, hands grabbing at the sheets.

Denki felt the rough fabric of Y/N's shirt against the back of his leg, the way her hand massaged his thigh, the other one moving off his hip to the bed next to him. He heard the way his own breathing staggered, maybe even the way his heart raced.

Y/N moved closer, and he groaned as their hips were pressed together, the strap sliding deeper in him. Y/N ran a hand through his hair and kissed his jaw.

Denki knew she was waiting for him to give her the go, and once the pain was gone, he nodded to her.

"Use your words," Y/N asked, surprisingly kindly.

Denki took a deep breath. "I'm ready, Mommy."

"Ready for what," She asked, tilting her head in the slightest.

"Please fuck me," Denki begged, a hand grabbing the back of her shirt. "Please Mommy?"

Y/N grinned and kissed his neck. "I love it when you're a good boy for me."

"So always," Denki let out a breathless chuckle.

Y/N kissed his cheek. "Yes, always. It's just for me too, isn't it?"

Y/N pulled her hips back, then pauhed back in slowly. Denki groaned, moving his hand to her shoulder. "Just for you, Mommy."

Y/N started a slow pace, still holding his thigh, keeping him from moving. He groaned, relaxing back in the bed. He kept his hands on Y/N's back, holding her shirt, nails digging into her skin, any touch he could get.

"Mommy," He groaned. "Can- Can you go harder- Please? Please Mommy," He begged, starting to squirm. "It's not enough- Please."

Y/N stopped her hips, pulling out and kissing him. Denki brought a hand to the back of her head as he kissed back.

Y/N sat up, letting . "Get on your stomach."

Denki laid on his stomach, spreading his legs just enough for her to get comfortable between them. Y/N didn't wait, fucking into him faster than before.

Her hands grabbed his hips, holding him down as she slammed into him. He could only moan, holding the pillow under him.

"Yes- Yes! Thank you Mommy! Fuck," He moaned eyes rolling back.

"Such a good slut," Y/N laughed. "You take it so perfectly, baby. And you sound so damn pretty."

Denki whined, fighting from moving his hips against her's. "Thank you, thank you!"

Y/N kept her pace even, keeping him held down into the bed by his hips. She was careful to not make any marks on him, no bruises or scratches.

Denki felt his dick grind between his stomach and the sheets under him, rough along with her thrusts. He knew he was getting closer with each one of her thrusts.

"Mommy- I'm close, I'm so close," He moaned.

Y/N laughed. "Honestly, might me a new record. It's been what, 5 minutes? Maybe 7?"

Denki nodded quickly. "Please? Please Mommy- I'm sorry Mommy, please."

Y/N hummed. "And what are you sorry for?"

Denki moaned, moving both of his hands to grab the mattress. "Sorry- For not being enough-," He spit out without really thinking.

"Don't fucking say that," Y/N wasn't laughing anymore, and maybe Denki was just imagining it, but her thrusts felt harsher, deeper. "God, you're doing ao fucking good, you're so pretty under me like this."

Denki whimpered, small shocks sent up his arms. "I'm- Y/N-"

"Say it," Y/N demanded. "Tell me how fucking amazing you are."

"I'm amazing," Denki cried out. "I'm- I make you feel so good sometimes," He fought off his orgasm, eyes borderline rolling back. "It's so- So good, Y/N- I'm doing good, for you."

"Yes you are," Y/N assured him. "Come for me."

Denki let himself come, sobbing out a moan, grabbing the pillow under him even rougher. "Y/N," He whimpered.

Y/N pulled out of him slowly when he collapsed into the bed, and took the strap off. She straddled his back and kissed his neck. "You are just the best."

Denki let out a tired chuckle. "Fuck yeah I am."

Y/N yelped as Denki turned, almost throwing her off. He turned and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too," She smiled and kissed him back. "How you feeling?"

"Like I got my ass pounded," Denki smiled back and kissed her cheek. "Listen, I love you and I love getting you off but I don't know how much work I can do right now."

Y/N snorted. "I figured. You're so sensitive sometimes," She flicked his nipple, grinning as he swatted her hand away.

Denki kissed her. "Lemme in your legs babe."

"And they say romance is dead," Y/N laughed and took her underwear off.

"I am very romantic," Denki got back on his stomach, in front of her as she opened her legs. "And you love my romance."

"I do," Y/N put a hand into his hair. "So you know how I went like, pretty rough on you?"

Denki kissed her thighs. "Very aware, my ass still feels it."

"I beg for your mercy," Y/N chuckle as he bit the inside of her thigh.

He looked her in the eye as he brought his teeth closer to her clit.

"Denki," Y/N yelled, using her foot to push his foot away as he cackled.

"What?! I would never," He grabbed her ankle and started to kiss up her leg. "Never have to beg me anyway, I'm too obedient."

Y/N yelped as he blew a raspberry on the inside of her thigh. "No teeth."

"When have I ever used teeth," Denki asked genuinely.

"That one Halloween, you put those fake fangs on?"

"...that was an accident-"

"You put fangs in my vagina!"

"I said I was sorry," He laughed and kissed her stomach. "You loved those fangs."

"Not poking holes in my vagina."

Denki shoved a pillow in her face. "Shut up and lemme woo you."

"I'm woo'ed babe," Y/N chuckled, putting her hand back in his hair.

Denki finally leaned in and used his tongue to slide in between her lips, before parting them with his fingers and going for her clit. As promised, he was gentle and didn't bite.

Y/N sighed, letting her head fall back into the bed. "Fuck I love you."

Denki hummed, looking up at her as he sucked her clit gently. He pulled away moments later to slide two fingers in her, slowly. "Good?"

"Very good," Y/N hummed, dropping a leg on his back, and he chuckled. "Mouth please."

"Still so demanding."

"I said please?"

Denki hummed and went back to sucking her clit gently, fingers thrusting in and out of her. He didn't push them in too deep, it wasn't needed as long as he kept a decent pace, and gave her at least some clit stimulation, not too rougly though.

...he did this a lot, okay? He knew what she liked, she made him aware of it the first time they had sex, and then made him practice until he had it down before he was even allowed to fuck her properly.

Point is, he got her moaning pretty quickly. Not loud, she wasn't a loud person unless she was truly overstimulated. Really, she never faked a moan so just hearing it was a huge praise towards him and his ability.

Then Y/N wrapped her legs around his head, just enough to hold him in place. He could escape if he really wanted to, but of course he didn't want to!

So he kept his gentle, quick pace with his fingers, while switching between licking and sucking her clit. The hand in his hair tightened.

"Oh my god," She chuckled breathlessly. "The only thing better than this is when you let me ride your face."

Denki pulled his mouth away from her clit. "I always end up shocking you!"

Y/N laughed now, and Denki almost cackled at how she tightened around his fingers. "It doesn't actually hurt!"

"Its for holidays only!"

"And birthdays, I know," She rolled her eyes and waved him off. "Put your mouth back right now."

"Fine," He dipped his head back down, going straight back to her clit.

She moaned softly, hand moving to his, where it held her thigh. They interlocked fingers, and he pulled away just to sigh, then leaned back in to get back to it.

It wasn't long before she was getting rougher with him, pulling his hair, her thighs holding him in place more, and her moans got more insistent.

"Denki," She moaned, and he felt the heel of her foot dig into his back as she tried to press his face closer. Yeah, he was definitely hard again.

He didn't pull away, didn't speed up, just kept his pace the best he could with how she was moving him. He groaned as she pulled at his hair, and that must've been perfect because she came right after.

He still didn't slow his pace, until she was whining and letting go of him. He pulled away, taking a deep breath.

Y/N looked down at him. "How did you get that thing back up?"

Denki looked down at his dick and back to her. "It has a mind of it's own."

She flipped them and moved to straddle him. "You are a god with your mouth."

"And fingers," He added, with a smile. "Do I get a reward?"

Y/N chuckled and carefully sat back on his dick. "This is your reward. Maybe we can get cake later."

"Fuck yeah," He held her waist.

"To me or the cake?"

"Both," He slowly sat up, pushing his soreness away, to wrap his arms around her back. "But mostly you."

"Better be," She kissed him, finally sat fully down on him.

He kissed back, pressing them together. "You still owe me that ass massage."

"I would never deny you an ass massage," She kissed his cheek. "I'll give you the best ass massage known to mankind."

He grinned and she moved down to his neck. "And cake?"

"Only if its chocolate," She put her arms on his shoulders as she grinded against him. "Love me some chocolate."

He groaned at the grind. "Not even vanilla frosting?"

Y/N huffed. "Maybe, we can talk about it," She pulled away to take her shirt off.

Denki's hands followed the exposed skin as she showed it, and leaned in to kiss her chest. "I'll take your tits over any cake anyday."

Y/N snorted at that, bringing her hips up, then back down slowly, putting her arms back on his shoulders. Denki looked back up at her with a groan at the movement, kissing her jaw.

"You feel so good," He mumbled, burying his face in her neck. "I fit so perfectly in you, Y/N. It's so perfect."

Y/N moaned, bringing a hand up to his hair. "I know," She breathed out. "Always slide into me so easily, its like you were made to be there."

Y/N started to ride him properly, bouncing slowly and not hard, and holy shit, they could feel each other so perfectly. Y/N could feel every inch going in and out of her, and Denki could feel the way Y/N sucked him in, before she pulled off and the feeling repeated all over again.

They moaned together, keeping their bodies pressed tightly against each other. Denki didn't move, letting Y/N set the pace she wanted. Not that he wanted to, she was doing so perfectly.

"Oh fuck Y/N," He gripped her waist as he moaned, then kissed her. She kissed back, both of their moans muffling.

He brought a hand down to her clit, using his thumb to circle it. He felt Y/N's hips stutter and she held him tighter.

"I love you," She moaned out, and he could feel her nails dig into his back. "You have no idea how much."

"I love you too," He kissed her neck. "So fucking much."

She moaned, leaning into him more. He held her weight easily as she started grinding against him.

He felt himself getting close, and he moaned against her neck. "Are you close?"

She nodded. "Uh huh," She huffed. "Come in me."

"You sure," He asked, looking at her and she nodded.

"I'm sure."

He groaned and held her tightly. "Gonna come with you."

"Good," Y/N used a hand to drag her nails down his back and he groaned heavily.

It was just moments before Y/N was coming, and Denki allowed himself to follow right after.

Y/N collapsed into him with a laugh. "Best dick ever."

Denki cackled. "Fuck yeah it is. Didn't do much though," Denki watched as Y/N sat back, hands on his knees as he pulled out.

He watched the come fall out of her. "Thinking of baby names."

"That one isn't even funny," Y/N pointed a stern finger in his face.

He leaned forward and bit her finger, before she pulled it away. "You told me too!"

"I did," She nodded. "You know your job after your ass is better?"

"Go to the store to pick up a cake, plan b, and maybe some pizza?"

"Bingo."

[sleepybabybees]

Time for more shenanigans because I enjoy doing these-

Honestly- expect everyone at this point-

---

Price: Are you a painting?

Nik: What-?

Price: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Graves: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-

---

Price: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

Price: Graves is still mad about it, but me and Nik were drunk and thought it was funny.

---

Price: Are you ready to commit?

Nik: Like, a crime or a relationship?

---

Price: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Laswell: ...I'm gonna kill him-

Nik: katie- no-

---

Laswell: Caw caw, motherfuckers.

---

Laswell: Where the devil is Graves?

Nik: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe he melted?

Price: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

Laswell holding back a laugh: I hate that I found that funny- fuck you-

---

Price: Are you good?

Laswell: In what sense?

Price: Generally.

Laswell: Oh, definitely not.

---

Price: Fine! Judge all you want but...

Price, points at Nik: Married a lesbian.

Price, points at Graves: Left a man at the altar.

Price, points at Ghost: Fell in love with a Scottish soldier

Price, points at Laswell: Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.

Price, points at Soap: Lives in a box!

---

Graves: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Nik: >:O language

Laswell: Yeah watch your fucking language

Ghost: Okay, who taught Laswell the fuck word?!

Price: 'The fuck word'.

Soap: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Laswell: Oh my god they censored it

Price: Say fuck, Soap.

Laswell: Do it, Soap. Say fuck.

---

Ghost: If I fall…

Price: I’ll be there to catch you.

Nik: *looks at Graves* What if I fall?

Graves: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Soap: *watches these two interactions*

Soap, to Laswell: And if I fall?

Laswell: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

---

Nik: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Laswell: No.

Gaz: I did not.

Ghost: I may have actually forgotten one.

Soap: Also no.

Nik: Oh good, neither did I.

Price: *Exhausted sigh*

---

Alex: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?

Alejandro: No. No, Alex, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Alex calls Farah. Number five: Rudy gets eaten by a shark.

Rudy: I’m Rudy, and I approve the order of that list.

---

Rudy: Farah, I have a couple of words to say to you.

Alex: Please let those two words be “I’m sorry.”

Alejandro: I’m ready with the bleep button if not.

---

Rudy: Those darn tall old people.

Farah: Darn em' indeed.

Alex: Don't worry, they'll be gone soon enough.

Alejandro: *sharpening knife* Yes. Dead.

The Squad:

Alejandro: Hahaha.

Alejandro: ...Is this self-destructive behaviour?

---

Alejandro: That's ridiculous, Rudy doesn't have a crush on me.

Farah: Yes, he does.

Alex: Yes, he does.

Valeria: Yes, he does.

Rudy: Yes, I do.

---

Alex: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?

Rudy, exasperated: WHY?!?

Rudy points at Alejandro: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!

Rudy points at Farah: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!

Rudy points at Alex: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!

Rudy: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

---

Rudy: Hey Farah, wanna third wheel on my date with Alejandro tomorrow?

Farah: Sure.

Rudy: Alex! Wanna third wheel on my date with Alejandro tomorrow?

Rudy: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Farah & Alex: ...

Alejandro: Rudy...

---

Alejandro: I love you.

Rudy: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Alejandro and Rudy kiss passionately*

Alex, to Farah: You owe me 20 dollars.

---

Alex: *tapping fingers on table*

Rudy: *taps fingers back furiously*

Farah: …What’s going on?

Alejandro: Morse code. They’re talking.

Alex: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -

Rudy: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

---

Alejandro: Why are your tongues purple?

Alex: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Farah: I had a red one.

Alejandro: oh.

Alejandro:

Alejandro: OH.

Rudy:

Rudy: You drank eachothers slushies?

---

Soap: Why is Gaz crying on the floor?

Ghost: he's drunk.

Soap: And?

Ghost: he saw a picture of Roach's husband.

Soap: But he's Roach's husband?

Ghost: I know.

---

Ghost, referring to Roach and Gaz: Those guys are dorks.

Soap: Yes, but they’re our dorks.

---

Soap: Who would you swipe right for? Gaz or Ghost?

Roach : I would delete the app.

---

Soap: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Gaz: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Ghost: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Roach : My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

---

Roach : How is the most beautiful person in the world?

Gaz: *blushing* I—

Ghost, butting into the conversation: Soap is perfect, thanks for asking.

---

Eskell: You really believe in Shepard?

Oryn: Mmm… Luckily, he believes in himself enough for the both of us.

---

Shephard: Is this your plan B?

Eskell: Technically, this is plan P.

Shephard: Plan P? Is there a plan M?

Eskell: Yes, but I marry Oryn in plan M.

Oryn: I like plan M.

---

Shephard: *Reading a letter*

Oryn: Well, what does it say?

Shephard: It’s a confession letter. It turns out Eskell killed my pet rock.

---

Oryn, about Eskell: Can I tell them they look nice?

Shephard: Sure.

Oryn: Can I tell them I respect them?

Shephard: Maybe, if they ask.

Oryn: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?

Shephard: …

Shephard: I’d save that for later.

---

Eskell: *pitches an idea*

Shephard, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!

Oryn, under their breath and dialling laswell: Yeah, a lawsuit.

---

Horangi : That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Konig?

Konig: No.

Horangi : I think I speak for Konig when I say it sounds really super.

---

Konig: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Horangi : Peonies, why?

Konig:

Horangi : Were you going to get me flowers?

Konig:

Horangi :

Konig: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

---

Horangi : I want a bf.

Konig: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

---

Konig: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Horangi : Okay.

Konig: And make out during the scary parts.

Horangi : Th-

Horangi : The scary parts.

Horangi : Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

---

Horangi , taping a knife onto a Roomba: Be free, my child.

Konig, entering the room with a small cut on their ankle: Who the f-

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 3

Propaganda Under Cut

Joan Watson

How were BBC Sherlock shippers so rancid about a WOMAN who wasnt even in the SAME SHOW?????

Martin Freeman of BBC Sherlock insulted Elementary and specifically Lucy Liu in the press. He straight up called Lucy Liu a "dog" in an interview APPARENTLY as a joke, because calling female actors ugly is hilarious. Benedict Cumberbatch was more measured about it, but he still said he was cynical about Elementary because it would lose the "male friendship" dynamic, which of course Johnlock shippers used against Joan Watson fans. Even the lead BBC Sherlock actors got in on the yaoi victimization of Joan Watson... 😔

she wasn't even in the same SHOW as the yaoi I've been convinced she deserves to win the entire poll. I was a Johnlocker but I did watch the first season of Elementary and it was fine????? It was totally okay????? Especially in hindsight given how hard Sherlock season four flopped. Also Lucy Liu is a queen and deserved zero vitriol for *checks notes* playing a character???? A fucking fictional character???????? Oh my god we were all SO mean to this show and we (or at least I) thought it was like The Good Fight™️, like we were defending BBC Sherlock against copyright infringement and straightwashing and Jonny Lee Miller's bizarre scarf, (it wasn't a good scarf I do stand by that) but then Elementary didn't make Holmes and Watson a couple either???? And also it didn't insult its audience constantly etc etc we've all seen the Hbomberguy Sherlock is Garbage video. This is really long sorry hashtag justice for Joan Watson

Nyota Uhura

She's Spock's canon partner in AOS, and I get it because they're not a great couple, but she gets villianized in fic so much. They constantly make her an asshole (which totally has nothing to do with her being black /sarcasm) and abusive just for the crime of dating a man headcanoned as gay. And I mean, I think Spock is gay and her being a love interest was unnecessary but still! She's cool!

Oh my god so in the Star Trek reboot she’s Spock’s girlfriend and the fandom has no idea what to do with her??? Like she is ALWAYS either such a bitch or like the mom friend? And there is so much more to her character than that? But they always break down her character AND find a quick and easy way to break up her and Spock. I’m not even mad at that but at least treat their relationship with some weight instead of just being like ‘it never mattered’. People can love multiple people throughout the course of their lives. You know that right? Just because you loved someone before doesn’t make your new love any less special. And even headcanoning Spock as gay… you realize he doesn’t need to be attracted to Uhura for their relationship to have mattered, right? Even if he confused friendship for romantic attraction, him feeling such strong friendship and openly expressing it is so monumental for him!!! 

she's dating Spock, who people ship with Kirk, so fans have decided that it's horrible writing and "really, they're just defending her, the movies turned her into just a love interests," which is not at all true. The movies do so much more for her to the point that the fans who have only seen the movies think that the main characters are Kirk, Spock, and Uhura instead of the Kirk, Spock, McCoy of the original series. Also having a black women being shown as being desired and loved in mainstream media, particularly by one of the most popular characters of all time, is a good thing, not making her "just a love interest"

[fairytale-poll]

ROUND 2! MATCH 1 OUT OF 8

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Bugs:

So the story is that the Three Little Pigs sell Bugs their straw and wood houses, the Big Bad Wolf blows them down, and Bugs decides to get revenge - by dressing himself up as Little Red Riding Hood, getting the Wolf to play his part in that story, and then messing with him as only Bugs can. Here's the video if you've never seen it: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6vk41x

Bugs Bunny is an icon and he was so good for his role in this short. When he and the wolf realized they could work together against the pigs... oh my God. Come on Tumblr, you have to admit they had a little gay tension between them. Besides, at the end, when the brick house comes down and the wolf, so surprised and proud of himself exclaims "I did it!" and then it pans over to Bugs with the bomb and he slyly adds "We did it!" communist Bugs canon.

Red:

I'm pretty sure she uses her hood as a parachute at some point. (A note from tournament Mod: She does.)

sillie

she is so iconic. to me at least (watched hoodwinked appx 500000000 times during family road trips)

This delivery girl knows karate! Watch Hoodwinked

my first exposure to a real adaption of a classic story in video. Girl twists the whole story up compared to the original. Love how it's like an old fashioned PI show but still so 2005 in vibes.

A classic fairy-tale-with-a-twist-movie that if anyone hasn't seen they should. This story takes various elements not just from Red Riding Hood's story but other fairy tales to retell the story with Red as the true center and hero of the story and reframes it as a mystery. It's also one of the few good retellings that makes the wolf good while not framing him as a love interest, which allows the plot to remain focused on Red.

best movie ever

Listen. I don't necessarily think she should win this movie is fucking insane and not all of that insanity is necessarily good. HOWEVER. I have a pitch for you. Wouldn't it be so fucking funny to put Red Puckett on this poll as a wild card? Like how many people would be like "fucking HOODWINKED?". Also what other tellings of red riding hood go the crime mystery route? Like cmon

She's the protagonist of what I believe is one of the funniest and best written films of all time. She's so smart and talented

The entire Hoodwinked series is just really funny to me. I also think she's an absolute badass as she knows kung-fu and takes no shit from the wolf. Also her granny appears above her when they are both flying and somehow she sees her as a big cloud head despite it just being her granny doing a ski jump. She had to be high because she met a weed loving Billy goat literally right before that.

the creators said 'what if red riding hood did karate and was voiced by Anne Hathaway' and simply did not wait for an answer.

because she's the funniest answer

Okay as a child I watched this movie and liked it a lot, but by coincidence, I happened to watch it on Eid twice in a row (I'm Muslim). So for a few years in a row I made it a tradition to watch this movie on Eid while drinking orange juice (very important piece of the puzzle). This movie is so dumb and goofy, I really enjoy it, and also she's voiced by Princess Mia Thermopolis herself.

[gremlin-bot]

Growth of Trial and Error

So, I lied about this being put on the back burner apparently. It feels so good to post this after working on it for like two months. I hope y'all enjoy this 5 + 1 fic that was bate read by the wonderful @half-dead-ham !!! This fic also connects my other fics in my 'Petals and Arrays of The Dead and Those Yet To Be' series.

AO3 Link: here

—------ 1

Danny and Tim have been dating for a little over a month and a half. In that time they have tried to have a date night once every week… It ends up once every two weeks with random visits for a cuddle date. Danny blames the Observants and Gotham rogues for being bitches. There's only so many times that the restaurant they have reservations at somehow gets hit in an attack before they just give up on restaurants all together.

This is one of those cuddle dates. Danny was laying with his eyes closed on Tim's couch with a star pattern blanket wrapped around him. He's waiting for Tim to get back to back with popcorn so they can watch the Knives Out movies. Why would Tim want to watch murder mysteries when he literally helps solve crime as his nightly activities Danny would never get, that being said he had no room to talk. He himself often fights ghosts for fun now. It's good stress relief from royal duties. 

Speaking of royal duties, Danny was sick of paperwork and meetings. Being Ghost King was one almost useless meeting after another with even more useless paperwork to go with each one. He swears, if the Observants ask for another meeting about making more court trials he will find a way to revive them from never being alive and end them himself. All that doesn't matter at the moment because he has a tired boyfriend to cuddle, once he stops taking so long in the kitchen.

Danny opens his eyes to see Tim with a small loving smile on his face. One that Danny can't help but return.

"Aww, it's almost like you got flowers in your lungs for me again!" Danny teases 

"Hey! You have no room to talk, Mr. Blood Blossoms!" Tim's blush only gets worse with Danny's light laughter.

"Yeah, yeah and I'll never live that down." Tim rolls his eyes at the pun. Why did he have to bring another person who likes puns into his life, wasn't Dick enough? Danny lifts one side of the blanket.

"Come on sweetheart, get in here." Now how can Tim say no to that? He sets down the popcorn and the veggie tray Bruce insisted they have. Tim dives into Danny and settles in for a good old murder mystery.

They get half way through the first movie when things go wrong. 

"God these guys are assholes, you'd think that after hearing one person getting excluded they would worry about the possibility of it happening to themselves!" Danny says, grabbing a handful of popcorn from its bowl.

"I hate that I've met people like this at galas." Tim groans. 

"I hope they crash and burn. Marta deserves the inheritance at this point." Danny ends his point by popping pieces of popcorn in his mouth.

As the scene on screen changes, so does the one in Tim's living room. Danny really can't have a nice day off.

A ripping sound is hard over the cacophony of the TV. A portal to the Infinite Realms appears next to it, effectively ruining their cuddle date night. As the Observant floats out into the living room, Danny can't help but feel like he is forgetting something. 

…Oh, oh no. 

Danny realized what he forgot to tell Tim.

He is the ghost king and Tim has no fucking clue.

Oh Ancients, Tim is going to kill him a second time. That's a future Danny problem, present Danny has to handle an Observant with an uninformed vigilante boyfriend laying on top of him. 

Tim has yet to move as he is in his civvies but Danny can feel him tensing. In an attempt at comfort and making sure Tim stays in place, Danny squeezes Tim to his chest and lets out soft rumbling from his core. A signal to the other that everything will be okay, he still doesn't relax.

The Observant was impatiently waiting for Danny's acknowledgement. It doesn't wait long, not because Danny answered but because it ran out of the little bit of patience it had in the first place. The mutual disdain the Observants and Danny hold for each other is great, but Danny will always commit more than the Observants. So yes, Danny could make this easier for himself and Tim, but no. He has principals!

"King Phantom, us Observants wish to schedule a meeting with you regarding the court-'' the eyeball in a sad imagination of jello didn't get to finish its request. It got cut off by Danny's sigh.

"If it's about the same thing as before, no. As stated in the Court Acts section 12a, you can't give out Court hearings without proper approval by an Ancient and myself. Nor can a trial proceed without a pre-approved Ancient or ghost of similar position from outside the Observant branch." Danny's blank stare fixed itself on the unwanted goo encased eyeball, daring it to rebuttal.

"Yes, of course King Phantom. I will tell the others." The Observant grits out. Its goo flesh scrunching in a poor imitation of a disgruntled face. It rips open a portal to the Infinite Realms and leaves without further pestering.

Danny lifts his arm. He can hear Tim's mind trying to piece together what happened. 

"Hey, Tim? Beloved? Are you good?" Danny is starting to think that this might have broken his boyfriend. It's been a good 30 seconds since The Observant left and Tim hasn't moved. Maybe he's rebooting? As Danny is pondering the mental state of the man he's supposed to be cuddling, said man decided to roll off of him landing in a crouch.

Tim looks Danny in the eyes and says with all his heart, "What the fuck, Danny?!" 

Oh Danny might be a little fucked.

—--------

Tim is going to kill and revive his boyfriend for a second time, if he doesn't explain right now.

"So, I may have forgotten to tell you something important." Danny placates.

"Oh! What gave it away? The probable high powered ghost that portaled into my living room and broke the TV in the middle of our date, or the fact you responded to them with higher authority!" Tim's sass is amplified by the TV blinking to life and giving a static scream. 

Danny breathes in through clenched teeth, face slightly scrunched. It was adorable, making it hard for Tim to stay upset. "I'm sorry Tim. I didn't mean to keep anything from you, I just forgot you didn't know already and I just don't talk about it by default. You know I'm not used to not being around my parents and they don't know about any of-" 

"Danny, hun, you're starting to ramble. I know how it is with your parents but please explain now.”

“Sorry, I’ll start at the beginning. So, you know how I told you how I became a teen hero after my half-death.”

“Yeah…” Tim switches from crouching to sitting on the floor, eyes squinting at Danny with suspicion. He doesn’t like where this is going.

“So, there was this one time my town was pulled into the infinite realms by the old ghost king. So I had to fight him. I won in the end but, Oh the consequences of these actions."

"Oh no."Tim said quietly, reeling at the possibilities of what the downfall of a king could be.

"Fun fact, the right to the throne is earned through trial by combat. It would have been fine if not for the Realms showing affection for me. You can't argue with the semi-sentient realm between realms," Danny sighed.

“Semi-sentient in what way??! How did it show affection for you?? What do you mean it would have been fine??" What exactly was Danny involved with? Tim thought it was just ghost wrangling. He knew he should have tried harder to contact Constantine about ghosts. Doesn't matter at the moment, nothing could have prepared him for this.

"I don't know how but the Infinite Realms are just like that. It might have to do with the fact that it's where all the dead end up, so technically all lands of the dead, but I just work there." Danny shrugged, all too used to the Infinite Realms' brand of being.

"Danny, Alnilam, my dearest boyfriend, I mean this with my entire heart and soul, what the fuck?" Tim lets his head slump into Danny's arm. He was done for the day and the next two after that. He just wants to watch some murder mysteries with Danny and deal with the Ghost King shit later. It was the first day off of both Wayne Enterprises and any major case he’s had in weeks. 

The TV's static increased in volume for a moment before setting down, as if mocking him. He side eyes the TV.

"Sweetheart, if you stop glaring at the TV and give me like 5 minutes, I can fix it." Danny lightly chuckled. 

"Fine, I want to see if I'm right about what is actually going on." Tim knows who did it, he's just waiting to be proven right.

"Hey! Don't spoil it!! Not everyone is a smartass." Danny sheds the blanket as he stands, "Are you going to join me on the couch when I'm done, or are you brooding?"

"Yet here you are calling me a smartass." Tim rolled his eyes. Switching from the floor to the couch and stealing Danny's blanket in the process. He's allowed to be a bit petty. It's what he deserves after this ordeal and the ones to come when they talk in depth, but that's for later. Right now, he gets to go back to watching murder mysteries with his boyfriend.

—------- 2

Danny woke up the next day with Tim's head on his chest and a crick in his neck. That's what he gets for falling asleep during cuddle night. Carefully, he reaches for his phone, trying his best to not wake up Tim. Ancients knows how much that boy needs sleep. 

Checking the time Danny sighs. He has a meeting with the Ancients in half an hour. Looks like he will have to wake him up… or turn intangible and let him be. Danny debates for a minute before deciding fuck it. He makes himself intangible slowly, eventually Tim is laying on the couch still peacefully asleep. 

He carefully floats out of Tim's space and onto the floor. Turning tangible turns into a problem, as Danny apparently can't watch where he pops into existence. His foot ends up in his water bottle. Losing his balance he falls and hits the floor hard, this of course wakes up Tim.

"Danny, what are you doing?" Tim groggily asks.

"Trying not to wake you up while I leave for a meeting. As you can see, I failed." Danny says from the floor, not having moved yet. "I'm just going to transform right here on the floor in shame" 

"Transform?" Tim blinked, adjusting so he could fully look at Danny.

"Yeah, so I can get to the meeting on time... Wait. Tim, did you forget that I can transform?" Danny sits up, making eye contact with Tim.

"No I didn't forget, you never told me!"

"I told you the night we started dating," Danny laughs.

"Okay maybe I forgot, but it's not my fault," Tim counters.

"Oh, and how is that?" Danny teases.

"Well someone told me that he was getting severely injured by the Blood Blossoms that were in his lungs. So, forgive me for missing some details!"  

"Okay, okay, you win. I did go to my ghost doctor after, you know.”

"Good. Don't you have a meeting to get to?"

"Oh shit! Close your eyes, my transformation is a bit bright." Danny shoots up and transforms in the process. Grabbing his things around the room he almost missed Tim's reaction. If it wasn't for Tim's gasp. 

Danny turns to face Tim, his face is flushed as his eyes take in Danny's ghost form. Danny's growing smirk just makes Tim's blush darker.

"See something you like?" Danny teases, his smirk growing wicked.

"Shut up and go to your meeting!!" Tim throws a throw pillow at Danny, only for Danny to turn intangible. He didn't even have the decency to dodge.

"I'm going now, goodbye sweetheart." Danny rips open a portal with his claws, diving through just as he hears Tim's goodbye.

—---------- 3

It took two weeks for Tim to succumb to the need for information. Danny should have expected this from one of the world's greatest detectives, but the call he received at 4:16am was still a jarring surprise. He almost fell out of bed trying to answer his phone. Tim is lucky that he wasn't asleep yet. 

After a slight struggle, Danny finally answered the call "Tim, sweetheart, what could you need at this fine 4am?"

"Are you technically a god? Because according to this glowing book I got my hands on-" Tim sounds like he's been on a research binge for an unhealthy amount of time.

"Please tell me you didn't use your vigilante status to steal a book about the Infinite Realms from the Justice League's magic team or whatever they’re called."

"I may have but anyway- wait." Tim stopped mid sentence, like he was reviewing information. Danny has no clue what it could be, but he did know that it would make the conversion complicated. "I didn't tell you I was a vigilante. How did you figure it out?"

"You don't change your voice at all when ordering coffee as Red Robin." Danny says flatly. 

"That's fair and also explains why you were okay with me canceling dates last minute. I should invest in a voice changer or something."

"I think you'll be fine, sweetheart. I have a habit of remembering voices of people I’m crushing on, and heightened hearing makes that a little easier."

"If you say so… I'm still gonna look into it." Danny can hear Tim's typing pick up. At this rate the both of them won't be going to sleep anytime soon. 

"I'm not going to ask how long you've been awake, but for your own health and mine please stop researching and get some rest. Even the dead are asleep right now." Danny pleads. He knows that they both have things to do later in the day, and Danny doesn't want to fall asleep during his classes.

Tim sighs, "Fine, but after your class tomorrow can you actually answer all my questions?"

"Yes, Hun. Now get away from the computer and go to bed." Danny lightly chuckled.

"I’m going, I'm going." Danny can hear the eye roll in Tim's voice. "Night Danny, sweet dreams." 

"Goodnight Tim." Danny smiled as the call ended. Glad that he could get his workaholic boyfriend to go to bed, he relaxes back into his own bed and lets sleep take him.

—------- 4 

Tim was on the fire escape connected to Danny's apartment. Hoping to break in and set up his notebooks and other things he collected in his research into the Ghost King and by association the Infinite Realms. Unfortunately for him Danny's last class ended early, as can be seen as Danny entering his own apartment the same time Tim crawls through the window. Tim knows he looks like a kid caught red-handed faking a nonexistent Uncle, Danny's deadpan stare didn't make it better. 

"Hey, Danny…" Tim drawls as one of his notebooks falls from his grip to the floor.

"Tim, you could have used the door like a normal person." Danny sighed as he set his bag down. Tim took this time to set up on the floor with his notes spread on the coffee table. "Notebooks? That's not usually your style?"

"Yeah, I would have done my usual spreadsheets and docs but apparently Infinite Realms information crashes any and all tech. So, it's old school for now."

"Oh! Yeah, I forgot about that. I can fix that problem for you while we talk, just give me your tablet, or would you prefer your laptop?"

"Tablet please. Would you mind explaining what you're doing to it while fixing it?" Tim was ecstatic, he loved watching Danny work on his inventions. The methodical way Danny assembled work is a wonderful contrast to how they were made; chaotic and from almost nothing.

Danny's smile was absolutely smitten when he turned back to Tim with his tools. "Of course sweetheart. What do you have to ask me?"

"Okay, so I have a lot, so this is going to take a while." Tim starts as he opens a fresh notebook, pen at the ready.

It was hours of revelations and notebook after notebook. Danny was patient and explained everything the best he could. Tim was pretty sure Danny would ask for his notes after this with how thorough he's being. He honestly wouldn't be this thorough unless it was for a case, but Danny can't remember to tell anyone anything important for the life (death) of him.

"Yeah, parts of the Realms are just kinda ocean-like randomly, so if you visit we have to watch out for that." Danny explained with little fanfare.

"Why are the Infinite Realms like this?" Tim groans emphatically.

"I don't know, man. I just accept and deal with it," Danny replies with a shrug.

"Speaking of things you deal with, you can get summoned, right?"

"Yeah, I can ignore them, technically, but it's like a ringing that keeps getting louder and more annoying till I answer it."

"Huh, interesting. So, does that mean it can be used as an excuse to get out of meetings?" Tim asks with mischief lacing his words

"I… holy shit, I think it can!!!" Tim can see the excitement spread across Danny's face at the realization.

"We are trying it for our next cuddle night, if what is in this book is correct." Tim hands Danny the book he took from Justice League Dark. It's open to a summoning array with instructions underneath it.

"Oh, this is wrong. The array itself is good but the instructions on placement and gifts are either wrong or too vague."

"Oh? I should tell JLD, then." 

"Nah, don't. It'll keep me from getting summoned, plus they can always ask you if they need to summon me. Seeing that I'm giving you the correct one."

"Fair, but you better give me all the materials for it then."

"Tim, if it's you summoning me all you need is a small offering and a drop of your blood." Tim looks at Danny in confusion. Danny shakes his head in amusement. "The closer I am to a person, the less required to summon me. At some point all you need is the array and a bit of your blood."

"Oh, that's pretty smart and seems like a perfect way to cause trouble for others" a sly smile spills onto his face, thinking about all the possibilities this could bring.

"Oh, yeah! The amount of times Sam has summoned me at galas is too many to count." Danny's grin is unnaturally wide, with too sharp canines that make Tim swoon as Danny launches into a story of gala shenanigans.

—----- 5

Danny was curled around Tim in his ghost form, acting as an ice pack for his boyfriend's sore ribs. The idiot was overtaxing himself on patrol and took one too many hits. Danny doesn't mind some ghostly cuddling, but he would like it if Tim looked after himself more.

Tim relaxes into Danny more as he types away on his computer. Danny glances at Tim's screen to see that he is looking into the effects the Infinite Realms has on the mortal realm. Which would be sweet if he wasn't using it as a distraction from being banned from current cases.

"Tim, you're supposed to be resting. You know, off the laptop?" Danny lifts his head from Tim's shoulder to actually look at him in the eyes. 

Tim sighed, not stopping his typing. "This is resting, I'm barely even hacking into the government." 

"Why are you like this?"

"The trauma,” he replied sarcastically. “But anyway, it looks like the government was doing experiments at one point but stopped." Tim hummed as the clicking of the keyboard picked up speed.

“Oh, that’s just the Ghost Investigation Ward.” Danny lets his head drop to his boyfriend’s shoulder, closing his eyes. Tim’s typing only quickened with time and the new information given to him.

“Danny, why are there files about their multiple attempted captures of you, and different files detailing experiment plans that involve vivisecting you‽” Tim was no longer relaxed against Danny’s body.

“I thought they deleted those.” Danny srutines the screen, looking for anything to tell him what has happened to the plans. There in the top right corner is what he was looking for. “Sweetheart, the plans have been defunct, like we worked out when they were getting their shit together.”

“They hunted you for sport,” Tim’s unimpressed stare bore into the side of Danny’s head.

“They got better… morally.Not at the hunting thing,” Danny sighed. “Look, before senior year Tucker, Sam, and I spent the whole summer essentially reforming them. It took a lot of effort but they are ethical now, and even helped fix the shit they wrecked. I promise you they aren't a problem anymore.” Danny pleads.

“Fine.” Tim relents for a moment. "How did you even get them to reform? From what I've read they were pretty biased." 

Danny's carefree smile turns sharp. "Blackmail and aggressively shoving evidence to prove them wrong in their faces."

Tim lets out a fond huff as he rolled his eyes, as if he hasn't done worse as Robin. Tim finally lets himself relax, body goes limp against the cold form wrapped around him. A yawn escapes as he feels the pull of sleep cling to him.

“Tired enough to sleep now?” Amusement colored Danny’s voice.

Tim closes his laptop and sets it on a part of the couch not occupied. “Yeah, carry me to bed?” 

Danny chuckled as he gently picked up the injured boy and floated them to Tim's bed.

—----- +1

When Tim walked into Danny's apartment he didn't expect to see him putting what was probably Lazarus water into small vials. It looked like he had been doing this for a while. There were several different bags full of the glowing vials with the one he was filling now being one of the last.

"Danny, what are you doing?" Tim asked the dark haired boy, already expecting what the answer might be.

"Remember how I'd said I would look into the Lazarus pits for Jason?" Danny replies as he reaches for more empty vials. Tim hums and moves the vials closer to him. “Turns out to do that I need a shit ton of samples for Frostbite, so here we are.”

Tim sets his things down and settles into helping his boyfriend. "How was dealing with the League of assassins?"

"It was fine. They didn’t notice me, surprisingly.” Danny shrugs, putting more filled vials away.

“I wouldn’t say it was surprising they don’t know about ghosts.” Tim points out.

“Fair. I had a look around, they have a lot of interesting things in their base.”

“Oh, did you take anything besides the lazarus water?” Tim wonders what caught Danny’s attention. From what he remembers it could be just about anything from swords to priceless pieces of art.

“No, but I did see what I’m pretty sure was a spleen in a jar!” Danny’s smile grew almost inhumanly big. “Tim, get this! It was fucking labeled! Labeled!” Danny’s excitement is clear in his voice. Tim couldn’t completely focus on it. He only knows of one spleen that was removed under the care of the league. 

“What was it labeled?” Tim asked, nervousness creeping into his voice. Please don’t be his spleen.

Danny’s giggling was barely contained as he answered, “Ra's al Ghul’s emotional support spleen. Outsourced from RR.”

“HE PICKLED MY SPLEEN!!” Tim shouts, startling Danny into almost dropping the vial in his hand. 

Danny looks at Tim in confusion for a solid five seconds before Tim saw a look of realization bloom on his face. “Oh Ancients, RR stands for Red Robin. What the fuck!  Wait, you’re missing your spleen! How did your spleen end up there??” Danny’s distress only rises as Tim doesn't answer him.

“So. I may have forgotten to tell you something.” Tim says as his clearly innocent smile wobbles with hidden laughter.

“You think so‽” sarcasm dripping from Danny’s voice. “Ancients Tim! Is this how you felt with me?”

“Yes. Suffer.” Tim didn’t mean for this to happen but he will take this happy coincidence for everything it has.

----------- Tag List

@kyrianclawraith , @alice-hazelwood , @phoenixdemonqueen , @may-rbi , @mimilikey , @undead-essence

[prince-strife]

So I watched “Like Minds” (I’m super unwell about gay people)

this one is like 3x longer than the tenet one

spoilers for a movie that came out 20 years ago ig

alex is clearly rly smart but he’s a right prick about it

nigel sure does like to stare 🤨🤨

oh so he’s a little freak. bro’s got a taxidermy cat in his luggage

ARE THEY MAKING BOMBS??

well. def explosives

DOES HE TAXIDERMY THE ANIMALS HIMSELF

he rly likes dead stuff…

not the gay little obsession

GIRL RECORK YOUR WINE BOTTLE

NIGEL WHY ARE YOU DISSECTING BIRDS IN YOUR BEDROOM

he’s so pretty tho fr mfer has gorgeous eyes

bro fuck this cop frfr

he did not seriously just punch this kid

oooh alex is fucked in the head too. inch resting

alex is one of those rich boys ._.

“obligations” hmmm i Do Not like the sound of that

WAIT THAT WAS HIS DAD??? that explains that ig

wait why is alex on the villains wiki. WHY IS ONE OF HIS CRIMES NECROPHILIA

interesting that alex is so aggressively anti-church (as an establishment, i mean)

ooooh nigel is Looking at him

not him fighting with his teacher

taking detailed notes about the people around him…nigel colbie autism

nooo leave him alone :((

alex is so mean to him omg. let him be a little freak in peace

HOLY SHIT HE JUST KILLED THAT KID

OHHH SALLY ROWE IS FUCKIN. JONI THROMBEY

wtf ym you “can’t find” the colbies..

omg staring across a casket at each other..

tom sturridge is so fucking beautiful i’m unwell

“i almost missed him” 🤨🤨

38 minutes in and i think this is the longest we’ve heard nigel speak

THE FUCK BOOK IS HE READING FOR THIS CLASS

idk i need nigel and alex to kiss

WOAH NIGEL JUST GOT REALLY CLOSE

“i’m really sorry about your friend” baby don’t lie no the fuck you’re not

smth abt the way nigel said “but you don’t have to worry” reminds me of the scene at the end of batman where joker is telling the riddler he did a good job.

THE GLARE AT THIS POOR GIRL nigel looks jealous as fuck

nigel baby giving the boy you like a hand is not the way to his heart

“it looks like you need a hand.” BABE. NO. TOO ON THE NOSE

he’s so cute in his lil jumper

SITTING ON HIS BED??? LEANING OVER HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS???? nah this is. gay behaviour

“alex, wake up. i’ve got a night planned 🥺” aww they’re gonna go on a date

oh they’re super close. NOW KISS

ooh hanging the essay over his head

the big smile… “are you having fun?” the little giggle. the smirk. he hates his ass. he is so in love with him. WHAT IS GOING ON

hmm i do not trust this

THE PUPPYY

“i’ve never brought anybody here before” INTERESTING (“i’m being vulnerable plz don’t be a dick abt this”)

i’ve still got an hour left of this movie good god

my mom is watching gbbo rly loudly and i just got super confused as to why the music Did Not Match the scene

“do you like it 🥺🥺” NIGEL. BABY. he’s so proud of his weird little lab it’s so cute

these little history nerds…

i rly thought nigel was gonna cuddle into him for a second

HELLO NIGEL IS STARING AT HIS LIPS????

“do you know what a pike is?” batting his eyes, looking as coquettish as possible. oh my god. oh my god.

CALLING HIM JACK. i’m so unwell this is so gay.

“we’ve been brought together for a reason” oh my god he thinks they’re murder soulmates

HIS SMILLLLEE

“for eternity.” gnawing on the bars of my enclosure

not him asking her out, nigel’s gonna be PISSED

the sword to his neck 🤭 OMG THE RUNNING IT DOWN HIS SPINE WHAT THE FUCK

the way he says “jack” i’m gonna pass out

“my name is alex. stay away from me.” NOOO it’s ok nigel i’ll be your jack

taking the gay goggles off for a second nigel clearly is in desperate need of a friend and is trying so hard to make alex his friend and it’s making me super sad bc he doesn’t seem to quite understand why it’s not working :(((

but also nigel baby stop breaking into his room

it’s giving yandere tbh

“what’s with the knife” *biggest most innocent doe eyes* “i don’t know what you mean, jack”

HOLY SHIT NIGEL. I FIGURED HE WAS GONNA KILL HER BUT WHAT THE FUCK.

i feel bad for her fr tho she didn’t do nothin wrong. not her fault alex is oblivious to his psychopath boyfriend

lol alex looking around for nigel when he finds out she’s dead. he’s not stupid, i’ll give him that

HE TOOK THE KNIFE

nigel’s very bad at acting innocent

“i sense some hostility” NO REALLY

they look like they’re abt to kiss

“no jack, you did it.” babe.

“feels good to vent one’s anger doesn’t it jack””i don’t want any part of this” “too late for that”

oh he’s CRAZY

he so sure that alex is just as nuts as he is.

OHH MCKENZIE IS IN THE CLUB TOO?? INTERESTING

wtf happened to nigel’s parents

babe being cryptic is not helping your situation

OOOH ARE THEY GONNA FIND NIGEL’S LITTLE ROOM OF CREEPY SHIT

i bet his parents are dead

hehe the jack <3

his jars of dead shit are so weird

was that a drawing of the dead kid?

nigel has rly nice handwriting omg

idk if the knowledge that it’s purely for scientific interest makes the pictures of the sleeping girl better or worse

HE TAXIDERMIZED HIS PARENTS???

he calls them helen and john???

love him introducing alex like he’s his boyfriend

THE EYE CONTACT HELLO??

nigel looks so dead inside omg

“stop it, nigel :((“

OH HE MADE THE BIBLE??? i thought it was a book he had not smth he created that’s actually pretty cool

“our union” 🤨🤨 its giving marriage

“nigel was right about this” hmmm boyfriend behaviour

omg mckenzie SUCKS like he’s just kind of an asshole

“i knew you couldn’t resist a secret rendezvous <3”

“you didn’t know nigel”

DID HE FUCK HER CORPSE

“my dearest jack”

IS HE SLEEPING WITH HIS MOTHER

THE PICTURES WERE OF HIS MOTHER????

his lack of reaction to her getting shot…

SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED IN A SPAN OF 30 SECONDS

he’s so clinical about the cleanup…

he’s so pretty…

HES SO FUCKED IN THE HEAD

omg does he want jack to be his maraclea is that why he got the gun (ik his mom was his maraclea let me be delulu)

he rly thinks this is completely justified

HOLF SHIT HE PULLED THE TRIGGER

i’m so sad he’s dead :(( gimme my babygirl back

holy fuck alex got released

AND HE KEPT THE BOOK

“my beloved susan” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

“nigel got what he wanted…eternity”

OH MY FUCKING GOD J CANT BELEJEV HE DID THAT… continuing nigel’s work… oh my fucking god

“you like history.” BITCH WHAT

Edit: I forgot to give the movie a rating .-. 500/10 i fucking loved it, i’m already making a forbie playlist

[fandom-discussions-with-avery]

One of TOH's big problems is that the characters are very clearly divided into black and white, which just leads to other problems.

In season 1, they tried to make characters more complicated. There were also characters like Willow and Gus, but the rest still had more elaborated and realistic characters. Amity wasn't a thoroughly bad person, she had some positive moments, but she bullied Willow. Twins were shitty siblings with violent jokes, but they were still not antagonists, they could apologize to Amity and even tried to help her, not forgetting to play a joke with her. Eda was a good person from the very beginning, but at the same time she was a fraud and a shitty teacher. Lilith was a villain with a more or less human motivation. Camila loved Luz and wanted the best for her, even in ways that were unpleasant for her. Yes, even for the first time Hunter, even though he was an antagonist, was also not a black and white villain who is evil because he is evil.

And then everything sank into oblivion. The actions of twins haven't been mentioned, now they never prank anyone and behave like caring, stupid siblings, especially Emira. Camila says that she was wrong about everything, Luz was just expressing herself when she brought dangerous snakes and fireworks to school, and Camila is actually a nerd like her daughter (although I'm sure now she will indulge Luz in any of her whims, otherwise Luz will run away again). Lilith is now a cool insecure nerdy aunt. Amity and Hunter... Enough has already been said about them. Eda doesn't mention crimes anymore, she's just a caring mom in love with her ex. And the fucking Alador lost all his sins and it turns out he was just standing on the sidelines while his wife abused the children and himself, yes, truly believable.

And in the meantime, the antagonists who didn't have time to be redeemed, even those who had the motivation, became evil for evil's sake. The whole past of Belos? Oh, guys, I'm sorry, he's just born evil, the local god himself told us. Can Odalia really love children and wish them the best? No, she hates them, she needs money, money, money, she's stupid and supports genocide for money, yeah! Kikimora has family problems (like Lilith)? Fuck it, she's just dumb and mean. Only Boscha partially avoided this, but it's true that what was done to her was also badly prescribed (they scored on her for a season, then abruptly pulled out when no one needed her anymore). At least they didn't make her Miss Cherry Ice Cream Sweet Girlfriend for Willow, and thanks for that.

I hate that the characters who initially didn’t let me quit the show on the second episode turned into a pathetic semblance of themselves. My God, if I turn on the channel for kids now, the characters from these cartoons will have more character than Amity and Hunter in season 3. TOH wants to seem like an adult cartoon raising adult problems, but his characters are on the level of first Disney movies about princesses. Here you have evil villains who deserve only death and good characterless cardboards, you should feel sorry for them. In 2021-2023, it's completely irrelevant.

[adelaidedrubman]

one clown fifteen lines

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

i was tagged by dears @simplegenius042 @direwombat @gwynbleidd @sofrosine @nightbloodbix @corvosattano @voidika @quickhacked to post a lil bit of oc dialogue samples! outgoing tags below cut + like here to opt in:3

1. “Yeah, ya know, they’re actually teachin’ all kindsa folk how to read an’ write these days,” she answered his second question with a sarcastic exaggeration of the natural twangs of her accent, ignoring his first entirely. “They ain’t even makin’ you go all the way to law school for it no more.”

2. “Piss off, Earl,” she spat, elbowing him out of the way. “I mean, honest to god fuckin’ piss off, alright?”

3. “Opossums are fuckin’ marsupials, Mary May!”

4. “I would fuckin’ carve out your eyes and throw them in the lake first, so that the only thing you’d ever see of me again is my fishing hook when I came back here to catch whatever trout had the bad luck of eating you.” 

5. “Familiar enough to know that if you’re calling me a ‘Delilah’ or something that’s some misogynistic bull —”

6. “Probably do a little publicity tour, once it all makes news. A few TV specials, tell-all nightly news interviews, a true crime podcast here and there. I bet I could make a good buck writing some kinda fucking memoir or something about this shit. Everyone would eat it up, you know, out of guilt, ‘cause —” she paused, raising her pitch a bit in nasally mocking, “‘cause we should really be focusing on the victims, not making the perpetrators famous,” she chimed, followed by a dismissive wave of her hand at the thought. “But you know, they’d still all be reading it to see what I said about you of course. But no skin off my ass, as long as they buy it. Figure I could spend… two, maybe three months as America’s sweetheart, then slip back into anonymity. Live off the royalties. The occasional consulting fee, anytime someone decides to make a movie about you and your fuckin’ cult.” 

7. “Head wasn’t that good,” she replied flatly. 

8. “Yeah, pretty sure they make a pill these days for when a gal realizes she’s made that kinda mistake,” she retorted with an exaggerated batting of her eyelashes as she pulled the flask from his hand. “And if you’re the baby daddy, she really would be wising up to take it.” 

9. “Oh, I’m back, baby.” She forced the smile to fall from her face, lips and brow tensing with sudden gravity. “And I’ve rigged this whole fucking mountain with explosives set to go off any second now. This thing is gonna blow sky fuckin’ high, and you and I are going to blow up with it. ’Cause I —” she feigned a gasp, brought her wrist to her brow as she threw her head back in a pantomime of being on the verge of fainting. “I can’t deny it any longer — I’m in love with you, and I want us to fucking be together forever in the fiery abyss of death.” 

10. “Tell your big bwother to make his stump speeches even scawrier next time — I’m sure it’ll make the canon fodder he sends out harder to kill, if he gravels his voice a bit more.”

11. She snorted. “You worried I’m not playing with a full set or something?”

12. “I jest,” she hissed, knocking his hand away. “You haven’t fuckin’ gotten that by now? It was a fucking joke.” 

13. “C’mon, that the fucking best miss church camp coachella can do to scare me?”

14. “For the fuckin’ record, I’m prolonging the void of nothingness when my organs stop functioning and I cease to exist in conscious form, not eternal damnation,” she finally spat. 

15. “It’s gonna be hilarious, actually,” she replied, pushing herself off from the door frame with a parting wave. “Tell your friends!” 

tagging: @cassietrn @shallow-gravy @derelictheretic @socially-awkward-skeleton @lordundying @florbelles @henbased @belorage @8bitpizzacoupons @firstaidspray @theresaruggedroad @afarcryfrommymain @clicheantagonist @v0idbuggy @orionlancasterr @strafethesesinners @deputyash @confidentandgood @strangefable @stacispratt @miyabilicious @omen-speaker @nowandthane @hctknives @wrathfulrook @fourlittleseedlings @galaxycunt @josephslittledeputy @just-another-wasteland-merc @voidika @captastra @blissfulalchemist @shellibisshe @thedeadthree and anyone who would like to share!

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

rank Sihtric’s haircuts from each season 🤭

*cracks knuckles* you asked for it and I went all out.

Seven Kings Must Die

this Sihtric is superior Sihtric

this look is divine

a blessing

that's Saint Sihtric to you

I would do everything for him

your wish is my command, lord.

I literally gasped, then moaned out loud when he appeared on screen with that loose hair out of nowhere

I did not register half of the movie afterwards because I kept thinking about his hair and I wish I was joking

I've haven't been the same ever since

Sihtric went full medieval sex god in SKMD

tell me that man does not growl like a beast when you pull his hair

those braids btw... *sighs besotted*

and those shaved sides *shudders*

I'm sweating right now

wow

will die fighting to defend my claim that this is his best look

make the square

the unbraided hair is so hot, so sexy, so nonchalant, so wild.

what a beast man

oh my god I'm so in love with Sihtric...

I'd marry him in a heartbeat

*cries because he's not real*

2. Season 4

DAMN. yes.

oh boy

first minute had me like; *shocked* oh, baby, no......

but after 2 minutes it had me like; *aroused* oh, baby, yes...

it's hot

it's sexy

it's risky

it's bold

it's dangerous and playful???????

and he pulls it off like no one else could

like literally the shape of his shaved side is perfect?????????

it's Sihtric's medieval bad boy era

and I am willing to commit all kinds of crimes

he's so fine

imagine having this man in your bed and the things he'd do to you

I know a lot of people do not like this cut

you simply don't deserve him

hand him over to me and we all walk away unharmed

3. Season 3.

a fan favorite!

it's giving me polite, shy boy who will bring your mom flowers when he meets her, but will fuck you relentless in the back of his car later that night (or in a barn you know, back in the medieval days)

it's adorable but sexy

it's so good

this was my fave cut before I saw season 4. and then Seven Kings Must Die happened so it ended up being number 3 on my list.

10/10 would marry season 3 Sihtric!!

it's so short and fluffy

*squeals*

very baby boy

4. Season 2

so goddamn CUTE

this cut fits him so damn well and highlights his face in all the right ways

I only lowkey hate it bc it's Kjartan's style

and we all hate Kjartan, don't we kids?

that bastard (not Sihtric, talking about his dad)

they should've - no, no. focus. this is not about him.

ANYWAY

season 2 Sihtric!!!!

so handsome

so cute

so mysterious

sexy as hell (what else is new?)

5. Season 5

look................

he's a total babe

so handsome

and people are going to judge me for this

but this haircut does absolutely nothing for me

literally nothing

too much curls going on in the back for my liking

it hides the tattoo too much for my liking

and I'm a sucker for shaved sides

to me it doesn't show off his face feautures in the right ways

however

season 5 gave us the best bicep content

so I am not complaining

would still love him with this cut if he was my husband

[runninriot]

...✍️

When he comes home, Steve is exhausted. The rest of the shooting, the official shooting, went well but he can feel every part of his body already aching from being overused. It’s going to be hell tomorrow.

Steve enters the living room where Eddie greets him with a smile before he presses a finger to his lips, pointing at a curled up Robin lying next to him on the couch taking a nap.

Slowly, Eddie moves to stand up from the sofa and tiptoes over to where Steve is still standing in the door frame.

   “Hey, baby.”

They share a quick kiss before Eddie takes Steve’s hand and quietly drags him into his bedroom.

   “How was your shooting? Hope it was worth your time and the tragic loss of your precious chest hair,” Eddie laughs.

For the past two and a half days he didn’t waste any opportunity to remind Steve of his crime.

Steve scoffs and bites his bottom lip not to spill the secret he’ll have to keep to himself for a few more days. Until he can finally show Eddie the result of what he’s been up to behind his back.

   “Yeah it was alright, I think we got what we wanted. The pictures turned out great.”

    Better than great.

   “You hungry? Robs and I had sandwiches for lunch. I could make you one if you want?”

Steve leans in to steal another kiss from Eddie.

   “Mhm. I’d love that. I can’t feel my arms and legs anymore.”

   “Oh, my poor baby. I’m sure I can help you  with that later. Give you a nice massage.”

Eddie lets his teeth graze the sharp edge of Steve’s jaw, drags them further, nibbling at the soft flesh of his earlobe. It makes Steve shiver and melt into the arms that are wrapped around his shoulders, hands soothingly rubbing up and down his back.

   “Ah, god, I’d like that. Your big, strong hands on my body, your thumbs pressing into my sore muscles. Fuck. I think I‘ll skip the sandwich if-“

   “Oh no, baby doll. You’re gonna be a good boy and let me feed you before I’ll take care of the rest of you.”

And how could Steve say no to that?

Still, he devours the sandwich in record time, smiles innocently at Eddie who laughs when Steve presents him his empty plate.

   “Good boy. Now, have a big glass of water while I’ll get the spa area ready,” Eddie winks and wanders off back into the bedroom.

Steve gulps down his drink so fast some of it goes down the wrong pipe, causing him to cough loudly. That, unfortunately wakes up Robin, who stalks sleepily out of the living room and into the kitchen.

   “Oh, you’re back. How’d it go? Where’s Eddie?”

   “I’ll tell you about the shooting later. Or you can just ask your talented girlfriend whom you overshare any and all things with anyway,” Steve laughs, “And, Eddie’s waiting for me in the bedroom, sooo-“

Robin’s eyes go wide in an instant.

  “Ugh, really? Come on! While I’m home?? Didn’t I have to hear enough grunting coming out of your bedroom to scar me for a lifetime?” She rolls her eyes but the grin on her face tells Steve she’s only joking and not really offended.

   “Shut up! He’s just gonna give me a massage because my arms and legs hurt like shit. We’ll be back out before you know and then we can watch a movie together or something.”

   “Yeah right, ‘just a massage’. Tell you what, I’m gonna go for a walk. And maybe stop by the grocery store since it’s my turn to do the shopping anyway. We’re having pasta tonight. You’re cooking. As compensation for having to flee my own home because of my sex-addicted friends. You have one hour.”

With that she turns heel, gets a bag and her coat and is out of the door, leaving Steve too stunned to react other than burst out laughing so loud it alarms Eddie in the other room.

   “Babe? What’s taking you so long? Come on, we ain’t got all day!”

    Yeah, we got an hour.

[understandableparadox]

I think a fundamental problem with a lot of vampire media is that a vampire is not supposed to be a zombie. it is supposed to be a human who surrendered to their own vices and flaws. the flaws of cowardice in the face of death and the vices of pleasure and gluttony.

which is why vampires can be made very versatile. As much as I don't really like Twilight, it is still a story of dealing with vices with creatures that fundamentally have allowed themselves to be dominated by them.

which is why i really like the movie Renfield.

THATS RIGHT YOU BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO READ A SCATCHING BITCH AND MOAN SESSION ABOUT THE SATURATION OF SHITTY VAMPIRE MOVIES BUT NOW YOUR TRAPPED HERE READING MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ON A NICK CAGE MOVIE, SIT DOWN SWEETHEART IM NOT GONNA BE DONE YAPPING FOR A FUCKING COUNTRY MINUTE

Renfield 2023 is a movie starring Nicholas Hoult, Nicolas Cage and Awkwafina.

Renfield if you do not know is the fanatical familiar from the original bram stokers dracula movie. the human who in exchange for aiding dracula in their dark dealings would perhaps gift him with the same dark curse, making renfield a fellow child of the night.

This movie takes place Years afterwards after a very serious battle with the last vampire hunters of the modern day and age. Dracula has suffered Severe damage from the fight and has Renfield aid him in taking refuge within the depths of an asylum while he recovers.

Here we get into the meat and potatoes of the movie, as much of a sin as it sounds, it does focus on nick cage as dracula but instead on nicholas holt as the aforementioned Stooge prime renfield. Renfield, between his random killings in order to sate the blood lust of his master, becomes more and more acquainted with the new modern world, undergoing the most harrowing journey of them all...

Therapy. 

Renfield over the years has lost his spark of mad fanaticism and is worried not only with his relationship with Dracula but his relationship with himself. Aiding at least one by attending an abusive partners support group to find victims. Mostly abusive partners and criminals.  

This is very notable because it's already setting up the original themes of vampires. Your cowardice and your vices. It sets up Renfield as a true coward whose vice is his love of dracula, or more exactly his desire to  Be Like dracula. Enough so that even though he wants to feel better about himself- to feel less like a monster- he still follows dracula's demands in killing people who he has decided to pass judgment on. 

Oh sorry i forgot a detail, renfield is a power ranger and his morpher is eating bugs. He gains some vampire powers everytime he eats a bug and does some john wick shit but thats not my deal, i dont care if renfield can do a sick back flip and punch a guy (complete fucking lie, the action scenes in this movie are so god damn rad sometimes, please watch this movie, please please please!!!)

The movie splits into a couple of different story lines. One being Renfield attempting to balance his burgeoning need to have a functioning moral compass and his romance with awkwafina character, rebecca the detective. Rebecca the detective attempting to balance both the rash of murder cases and a rash of mob related crimes in order to avenge her father, and the mob themselves attempting to figure out who is wiping out their foot soldiers. 

I'm not going to harp on the story for long so let's start talking about renfield. 

Renfield is a hypocrite, and it's made apparent throughout the film that he is a hypocrite. Despite wanting to be a good person he is still a murder. He has doomed multiple people to die across the world. He left his wife and child to be with dracula. He has done so much to cut himself off from his own humanity that it's almost insane that he wants to run back to it because Dracula has not yet answered renfields desire to be a true vampire. 

This all is blended into the idea of having dracula be a parallel to an abusive narcissistic partner in a relationship. Which in all accounts throughout the movie is true and we're going to bounce back and forth from that for a bit so buckle up bud. 

The main ire of the movie is that Renfield wants to push his problems that he has gained away onto Dracula without acknowledging his roles in them. Again we see that cowardice. Renfield cannot stand to see his own faults. He listens to Dracula both out of fear and admiration. At the start of the movie I mentioned that Dracula sustained heavy hits from the last vampire hunters. Well I forgot to mention how he survived. Lets go ahead and listen in Real Close to what he says 

The hunters had dracula dead to rights if you can dare to pardon my puns. Trapped in a binding circle, burning in holy flames and about to get skewered through his heart. The dialogue is specific, Dracula makes no specific promises but notes that Renfield is complicit and that regardless of whatever Dracula has done, he is still his greatest ally. We play on that cowardice and that vice. That desire to be near dracula or be like dracula contrasted with his fear of the repercussions of his actions. 

Snap back to reality and we see that Renfield is still struggling with this. He does not want to face the repercussions of his actions so he continues doing as instructed by Dracula while also indulging in his vices, his desire for escapism by delving into all of these new things. Vigilantism, pushing his problems onto dracula, pretending that he is at the moment capable of having a new life while still using dracula's powers to attain it. 

Ah but now we need to introduce the main concept of this film. That being the portrayal of Dracula as an abusive partner with narcissism. Dracula plays on renfields, and says it with me in class, Vices and Cowardice. He knows what to say to make Renfield back down. He knows all his fuck ups and exactly what renfield wants, that being to have a simple life with dracula, but not in a gay way of course, we still have to have a straight romance sub plot, i mean its insane to think that renfield wants to bone dracula its not like dracula promises to be his salvation while he is suspended in air in a soft whispery voice while renfield stares at him with all the gale of a oculerly enlarged puppy but hey what do i know? I unironiclly read isekais, my media literacy must be that of a brain dead lemur. 

We can see this played out in this scene here

Dracula knows how to keep the hook in renfield's mouth both taught and loose enough to keep him at the perfect level of knuckle dragging dejection to ensure that he runs back begging. In that while yes he is right that renfield at so many points gave in to his own desires and *coy eye to the audience as I listen to them scream “vices” at me.*. He has begun to make an earnest attempt to become a better person. Better late than never. 

Thus renfields true growth is him rejecting that which made him so close with dracula, the rejection of what makes a vampire and vampire. He embraces his cowardice by both admitting to what he is and now allowing himself to push his own crimes onto dracula, and then standing up to dracula, and then rejecting his vices when once again dracula makes him the same offer. To be that same shield towards himself and his own shortcomings rather than deal with a life without a master. Despite it being possible in the future coming with the promise of being a full vampire like himself. 

Look guys, let's not juggle bowling pins and call it arm wrestling, Watch Renfield. Its a good movie and nick cage is fucking awasome, thanks.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 2

Propaganda Under Cut

Mel Medarda

she is the richest woman in piltover who left her family because she didn't agree with the way they did things (conquering and murdering). she sponsors jayce and viktor, and courts jayce, which makes people upset because, you know, jayvik. she and viktor are CANONICALLY parallels with much of their imagery mirroring the other's and they are literally the same height. and people are so weird and misogynist and racist about her. they argue she is manipulating jayce and doesn't actually love him. i am cognitively disabled and cannot explain things well, but, she is so fucking shouldered

Black woman who has a romantic arc with one of the main characters Jayce. Jayce has a best friend called Viktor and their relationship is pretty important plot wise, shown as a direct contrast to his relationship with Mel even though only one is canonically sexual/romantic. So naturally fandom as the transformative safe haven it is villainized Mel horribly coming up with theories about how instead of being a complex morally grey character she's actually evil and just wants to seduce Jayce for Evil Reasons. Since they couldn't use her as a supportive female friend with no personality, others just ignored her existence entirely or acted like Jayce would ditch her for Viktor. Majority of m/m shippers will reduce her down to her relationship with Jayce and an obstacle in the way of JayVik, ironically writing her as a far worse and less complex version of the character we get on screen. The misogyny reeks and combined with the racism? It's a pretty bad case. Only slightly mitigated due to the fact that the main characters of the show are women (and the lead is a lesbian) so thankfully the male focus of fandom is lessened as opposed to filling almost every inch. Still awful to try and search for good Mel content, godspeed girlies with taste.

She's one of the most interesting characters on the show, a rich politician, smart and beautiful and has a really complicated and intriguing relationship with the city's golden boy inventor. unfortunately golden boy has a sickly twink science partner so she gets sidetracked SO BAD

Nyota Uhura

She's Spock's canon partner in AOS, and I get it because they're not a great couple, but she gets villianized in fic so much. They constantly make her an asshole (which totally has nothing to do with her being black /sarcasm) and abusive just for the crime of dating a man headcanoned as gay. And I mean, I think Spock is gay and her being a love interest was unnecessary but still! She's cool!

Oh my god so in the Star Trek reboot she’s Spock’s girlfriend and the fandom has no idea what to do with her??? Like she is ALWAYS either such a bitch or like the mom friend? And there is so much more to her character than that? But they always break down her character AND find a quick and easy way to break up her and Spock. I’m not even mad at that but at least treat their relationship with some weight instead of just being like ‘it never mattered’. People can love multiple people throughout the course of their lives. You know that right? Just because you loved someone before doesn’t make your new love any less special. And even headcanoning Spock as gay… you realize he doesn’t need to be attracted to Uhura for their relationship to have mattered, right? Even if he confused friendship for romantic attraction, him feeling such strong friendship and openly expressing it is so monumental for him!!! 

she's dating Spock, who people ship with Kirk, so fans have decided that it's horrible writing and "really, they're just defending her, the movies turned her into just a love interests," which is not at all true. The movies do so much more for her to the point that the fans who have only seen the movies think that the main characters are Kirk, Spock, and Uhura instead of the Kirk, Spock, McCoy of the original series. Also having a black women being shown as being desired and loved in mainstream media, particularly by one of the most popular characters of all time, is a good thing, not making her "just a love interest"